he tried to call up what she used to look like , the girl he 'd fallen for but staring down at her , her freakishly thin body ; her gaunt face , the purple-blue under her eyes , the yellowish tinge under her skin ; the lines around her mouth from smoking too much ; and her clothes that were wrinkled , cheap , maybe even secondhand and far from clean , he could n't call up the bonnie who used to be .