`` i could give you some long answer about how that 's too hard or too complicated , and how i do n't know how to pull it off or make it work , and how i have a job and a family and a business in san francisco , and that 's all true ... '' she said , then stopped talking , and in that silence his heart thumped hard against his chest , and he swore she could hear every heartbeat of his fear , could tell that each persistent pound was the soundtrack of his misery , of her leaving him .