she wanted so much to be able to hear michael 's name , to speak it and be able to remember the wonderful things-the sweet baby smell of his neck that still had n't completely dissipated at age four , the serious and thoughtful expression on his face as he drew with a crayon in one hand and held a purple popsicle to his mouth with the other , the sound of his laughter ... how fair was it to her little boy that her most significant memory of him was his utterly meaningless , shockingly abrupt death ?