sitting alone before the fire in the drawing room , two months after her disappearance , he gazed into the flames , trying to concentrate on the meeting he was going to have with jordan and some other business acquaintances the next day , but it was elizabeth he saw in his mind , not profit and cost figures ... ... elizabeth kneeling in a garden of flowers ; elizabeth firing pistols beside him ; elizabeth sinking into a mocking throne-room curtsy before him , her green eyes glowing with laughter ; elizabeth looking at him as she waltzed in his arms : `` have you ever wanted something very badly-something that was within your grasp-and yet you were afraid to reach out for it ? ''