[header] How to avoid saying harmful things when arguing with your spouse [title] Identify hostile remarks. [step] The worst thing you can do during an argument is to use hostile remarks. These are remarks that are intended to make your partner feel embarrassed, saddened, or humiliated. 
During an argument, you may make these types of remarks without even realizing that they are hostile and damaging to your relationship. [substeps] There are six common types of hostile remarks: character assassinations, threats of abandonment, threats of exile, invalidations, challenges, and preaching.