Datasets:

georeactor
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reddit_one_ups_seq2seq_2014

id stringlengths 7 7	body stringlengths 1 14.9k	score int64 820 26.1k	parent_id stringlengths 7 7	author stringlengths 3 20	subreddit stringclasses 251 values	parent_score int64 1 5.3k	tstamp stringlengths 19 19	parent_body stringlengths 1 10.1k
ceutqt5	Also as a teenage mutant ninja turtle.	2,006	ceumvv0	flipkitty	AskReddit	615	2014-01-20 20:40:31	Also as a teenage girl.
cf1r51c	i dunno how to tell you this but: we've stopped using elephants as units of measurement	2,944	cf1qsxh	OIP	AskReddit	1,596	2014-01-29 04:55:13	Clouds actually weigh A LOT. An average cumulus cloud weighs about 100 elephants, while a big storm cloud tips the scales at 200,000 elephants.
cel4zge	What hole you use it on is your choice.	2,930	cel4we7	qweswr2	AskReddit	351	2014-01-08 22:54:10	Maybe a shitty one.
celus9n	All the work that went into that rifle and he leaves it in a rental car	2,537	celume6	ALotOfArcsAndThemes	WTF	1,369	2014-01-09 19:33:35	All the work that went into this rifle and he doesn't close the dust cover.
cehluza	This is a door, not windows.	2,536	cehiy8k	verik	pics	1,278	2014-01-04 20:02:19	Did you try closing it, then opening it again?
cel5m8x	My buddy tried vinegar, then was so amazed at how good it tasted he drank a lot of vinegar. He then puked vinegar. I guess his stomach didn't understand the miracle going on in his mouth.	2,794	cel4tpn	[deleted]	AskReddit	405	2014-01-08 23:34:54	Vinegar, cinnamon, and Kool-aid powder are my top three to try with those.
cetbnap	I do. Well kind of. I stand up, then bend over into a 90 degree angle, then keep bending, until my head goes between my legs, and reaches my ass. Then I lick my ass clean. Simple as that.	2,794	cetayi6	[deleted]	AskReddit	1,402	2014-01-19 02:24:02	Are there people who REALLY wipe their ass while standing up?
cel60fh	Wow, thanks for the heads up. Now I can lick my dog's asshole without gagging.	9,101	cel5chk	OffensiveTroll	AskReddit	4,572	2014-01-09 00:03:47	It also works for other things.
cejpqf8	these young bucks don't know. You gotta remember a lot of these NBA players aren't even old enough to drink when they get in the league; they're still babies. They've been coddled their entire life, all through school and college, and now they get out in the real world with a pocket full of cash and every type of girl you could imagine trying to pull your sweatpants off. See, before you got that contract, while you were in school, you were just a prospect. You probably got a lot of attention from women, but your success wasn't a guarantee. Once you start pulling in them bucks, the type of women you encounter drastically change. Straight up jaw droppers wherever you turn. That's not an accident. These kids don't understand that once you're in the real world, sex becomes a business move, for both parties. Even for us mortals, money is a big factor in your sex life. I don't care who you are, you know that shit is important. (Protip from Uncle Snuggie: if you got money, just don't fuck broke bitches. Just don't, change your phone number if you have to. Move to the other side of the country to somewhere broke bitches cant afford to go. They will ruin everything I don't care how pretty they are get a bitch with some capital. That's real shit. Get a Kim Kardashian. She stupid and probably can't read but she got money and won't take that much from you in divorce proceedings because of that. Be with someone who can throw in the pot too.) The Dwight Howard's of the world don't understand that there's a price tag hanging off his nutsack. Dwight Howard is easily shelling out 6 figures a year per baby mama. (The fuck you need 100k a year to raise a baby? I could raise my whole hood 6 times with that kind of paper all babies need is somethin to rattle and someone to wipe they ass) That's more money than most of us will ever make in our lives, even those of us with professional and graduate degrees. 18 years, 18 years, she got one of yo kids, got you for 18 years. I think every citizen, NBA or not, should know how divorce/family laws work, especially if you ever fuck around and get paid. You find out how much Uncle Sam will take out of your pocket cause you wanted to fuck raw and it'll turn you into a nun; keep your dick on a leash kid. When you're young and naive if you believe in shit like the purity of "love" and all that other liberal hippie crap Disney shoves down your throat as a child you can fall victim to a big butt and a smile quite easily. That's real shit edit: I see this post got crossposted to /r/bestof, but more disturbingly /r/theredpill, and let me tell you trenchcoat wearing neckbeards something before yall try to crown me the king of you dry dick mother fuckers. For all the colossal shitting I just did on hoes in this post, this is not in any way representative of the female population at large. I'm simply speaking on a small, super super small, minority subculture. I would never imply or suggest that all women, not even a majority, are out here throwin the pussy like a boomerang hoping to catch some rich dude sperm. I still put ladies above everything. That's still your mama, that's still your sister, that's still the mother of your children. This post is not meant to be critical of women; rather, its meant to be critical of money and the economy (created by dudes) that women are forced to live in. It's not because women are manipulative, its because men are fucking retarded, I stated that from the jump. Cons come in all genders, if men could get a cozy 18 year stipend from fucking Hillary Clinton there would be a line of thirst wrapped around the white house. Even though I shits on these hoes, I still respect them like they my own family, because they are. I'm familiar with TRP, yall the most salty, confused, sexually depraved group of misogynistic no pussy gettin dudes I ever seen, that's real. Ain't no need to start a war on women cause you ugly and you ain't got no money and you fell for the sweet smell of that vaginal lining. That's on you dude; blaming the pussy for this is like blaming video games for school violence. At some point you took the stupidity into your own hands. That ain't the wave yall	5,251	cejpk3k	YungSnuggie	nba	1,481	2014-01-07 10:27:19	YungSnuggie my nigga, tell em how it is
cel5s20	GUYS THIS HYDROCHLORIC ACID TASTES LIKE CINNAMON LOL	4,860	cel51o1	hankofthehill	AskReddit	2,187	2014-01-08 23:46:26	Lasts for an hour, shit acid and stomach lining for days.
cel5cyr	Miracle fruit.	4,787	cel59n5	Litotes	AskReddit	1,556	2014-01-08 23:17:28	what miracle fruit is this?
cel5eqg	actually, I have a gift card.	4,510	cel59ak	icybains	AskReddit	2,837	2014-01-08 23:20:45	debit or credit
cel5d7b	[Decided to animated it.](http://i.imgur.com/praowTl.gif)	4,239	cel1766	[deleted]	todayilearned	1,371	2014-01-08 23:17:55	wow thats crazy, check [this] (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/47/S%26B_P4_reticle_at_25x_zoom_with_1.8_m_%286_ft%29_tall_man_standing_at_2%2C475_m_%282%2C707_yd%29.png) out. its from the wki, look at how small his target would've been. the old saying "those people look like ants from up here" would be literal and that's after already being zoomed in.
cev2kwy	Bold move letting her meet your mom on the first date.	3,762	ceuzn5e	robinhood9961	AskReddit	2,178	2014-01-21 06:53:39	Aquarium, then Whale Watching was all that was planned. We had a nice dinner out, then found an ice skating place nearby, and went there too. They also had tubing, and a ship (the Queen Mary) that we explored. The spontaneity of it was the most fun of it, and just spending the whole day with her~
cezku1a	YOU MOTHERFUCKER	3,751	cezkih9	RayBrower	AskReddit	1,916	2014-01-26 15:00:08	TL;DR: The internet is a very scary place for young girls and you should be insanely careful about what you post on reddit and anywhere else. I have never posted nude pics online but I have an incredibly disturbing story to tell about a girl who posted to /r/gonewild that I recognized. I have been thinking hard lately about whether or not I ever want to share this story with reddit and this seems like a pretty good thread to share it in. For all of you /r/gonewild girls out there and those of you who have thought about posting nude photos of yourself, let this serve as a cautionary tale... So, around some time last year there was a thread somewhere in /r/Askreddit where a few people showed their faces to other redditors. I can't remember why they were doing it but they were posting photos of themselves and one girl was getting some attention. This girl was hot and everyone was saying how hot and/or pretty she looked and she seemed to enjoy the attention that she was getting from everyone. I have a habit of tagging a lot of redditors whenever I feel like it and I tagged this girl as "hot girl", left that thread, and went on my way to rack up some karma or do whatever it is that I do around here. I didn't remember that this girl existed until recently and couldn't have remembered her user name if I didn't come across her by complete chance in a thread somewhere else not too long ago. Just to be clear, I don't think that what I'm about to tell you could have happened to anyone else on reddit but me unless other redditors tag people as extensively and frequently as I do. Almost a year later, I'm looking through an /r/AskReddit thread for a good time to comment and I come across a user that I have tagged as "hot girl" so naturally - being a young man who was a little drunk and a little bored - I decided to investigate further to see why I tagged this person as "hot girl" by looking at her links and comments. So I'm looking through the first couple pages of her comments and I still don't know or remember why I tagged her until I come across a photo of her that she posted to some subreddit. It's clear now why I tagged her as hot because she looks great and is easily a 9/10 on any given day of the week. I decide to scroll down a little farther and see that she has posted another photo of herself and for some reason, this is when it hit me: I have seen this girl's face in /r/gonewild. Now, I have never had something like this happen to me before where I stumble across something like this but I immediately felt this adrenaline rush because the account that I was looking at was not the account that this girl used to post to /r/gonewild. How do I know that this wasn't the same account that she used to post to /r/gonewild? I'll tell you how... Any man knows that his penis has the memory of ten thousand elephants when it comes to girls that have gotten its attention and so we never forget any hotties that we have laid eyes on and the circumstances in which we laid eyes on them for the first time. You see, this girl wasn't just some run-of-the-mill /r/gonewild girl - she was one of the hottest gonewilders that I have ever seen post to reddit. This girl's posts hit the front page every single time that she posted and I still remember thinking to myself "Whoa...this girl is insanely attractive" when I saw her photos on the front page. For those wondering how I could match up this girl's selfie pics with her tits and ass I'll tell you why: she posted photos of her face on both accounts. Yes, she posted her face to /r/gonewild on her GW account and she posted photos of her face to the account that I was perusing when I came across her photographs after investigating why I had her tagged as hot. I remembered what her /r/gonewild user name was and so I quickly went to her acccount only to find that it had been deleted. I wasn't to be thwarted in my quest to be sure about the link between the 2 accounts so I googled her now defunct user name and looked around for links to the photos before I found the links that I was looking for. I was able to backtrace these deleted reddit links to her nude /r/gonewild photos and after searching frantically for the photo that she took of her face, I finally came across a comment that she left in one of her posts where she posted a verification photo of her with her face right next to the piece of paper verifying that she was indeed the account owner. I had her linked to both accounts but I decided that this was too interesting to let go right there and so I combed through her account to see if there was any information that could tell me who she was. It turned out that this girl commented about what state she was from, gave some information about the high school that she graduated from, where she wanted to go to college, what her boyfriend's parents were like, and, most critically, what her first name is. I took her first name, what part of her state that she was from, and entered it into Google but nothing came up. I realized that I had to figure out what high school she went to so I searched for all of the high schools in the part of her state that she was from and used the information that she made on reddit to figure out which high school that she went to. I then entered in her first name, the name of the high school that I thought that she went to, and found her with her first and last name on a high school honor roll article. Her name isn't that popular and there were only a few other girls with it so I decided to google each one of them. After typing in the third girl's name, I knew that I had a match because her LinkedIn page that came up on google showed that she goes to one of the colleges that she said that she wanted to go to in one of her reddit comments. I got total confirmation when I came across her YouTube account and in the photo that she used for her account I saw the same face staring back at me that I saw in both the still existant and defunct reddit accounts. I now knew exactly who this girl was and decided to read more about her. I found out that she was incredibly intelligent, came from a well-to-do family, seemed destined for a successful and happy life, and that she seemed to be the very last type of girl that I would expect to post to /r/gonewild. I mean it when I say that it blew my mind that this girl of all people would have been so careless to show her face on /r/gonewild and think that no one might recognize her. What she can't really be faulted for is not thinking that someone would make the connection against all odds between her two reddit accounts but she made this more possible for me by being one of the most upvoted /r/gonewild posters that I had ever seen while also continuing to share photographs of her face in other parts of reddit long after she had deleted her /r/gonewild account. The thing about her is that she didn't post to /r/gonewild very long but when she did, the few photos that she posted always hit the front page and the guys in the comments section were going out of their minds asking her to post more. Now, I'm sure many of you realize what would happen to a girl like this if anyone in her life from family, friends, school class mates, professors, work colleagues, etc. found out about her photos, saw them, and even came to possess them. I was able to find her Facebook page and was then able to find out who her family is, what street she lives on, who her friends are, how to contact all of them, where many of them live, and realized that if I wanted to, I could show these photos of her to just about everyone in her life and could bring her world crashing down at any time that I wanted to. After much deliberation and many drinks, I decided to contact this girl to see what she thought about me knowing about her identity and her /r/gonewild photos. I shouldn't need to mention to anyone that this girl was insanely open to being extorted by me for whatever I wanted and money and more naked photographs of her was something that I couldn't stop thinking about. I managed to find her college e-mail account and sent her an anonymous e-mail telling her that she doesn't know me but she needs to talk to me. Within one hour, she sent me back an e-mail asking who I am and what am I talking about and I responded by listing her two reddit accounts and her full name. I also attached the photos that she took of herself on her one account with the verification photo from her /r/gonewild account where she showed her face. I didn't receive an e-mail back from her until nearly 24 hours later. In this e-mail, she asked me who I was again, how I found out who she was and found her photos, and why I contacted her. I told her how I found the photos, that I was just an unknown redditor, and that I contacted her because I needed more photos from her or else I was going to bring her life crashing down if she didn't give me what I wanted within 1 week. She replied back asking me "What do you want? Please, I don't want any trouble to come from this just please tell me what you need me to do so that no one ever sees those photos." I told her "I'm gonna need about tree fiddy." Well, it was about that time that she realized that I was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic era. She sent a reply back saying, "Dammit monstah! I ain't giving you no tree-fiddy!" Not only did I walk away without any extortion money, I didn't get any new nudes from her which is what I was holding out for more than anything else. The only good thing about the failed sextortion deal is that she never contacted the FBI which works out perfectly for me because if she did, I wouldn't have been able to share this cautionary tale with all of you wannabe /r/gonewild gals out there. I was seriously bummed about not getting any more exclusive jerk-off material from this bodacious babe but c'est la vie no smoking hot gonewild noodz 4 me :( Just remember this, girls: If you're gonna get your tits out for the lads, don't show your face.
cel5snr	You guys are talking about sand right?	3,729	cel5h1z	Redose	AskReddit	1,009	2014-01-08 23:47:39	Indeed. Everybody benefits. Everybody is happy.
ceqz3d1	Then you go, "You've been very thorough. (List a couple key points) were my major concerns and you already covered them. Thank you." Or something like that.	3,659	ceqywfc	tinsil	AskReddit	2,047	2014-01-16 04:29:02	What happens when these things were already covered in the interview? I only ask because it happened to me once after a very in-depth interview with a judge who covered compensation, expectations of the job, who I would be working with, personalities of the other court staff and judges, descriptions of average days, worst case scenerio days, best case scenerio days, whether travel was involved, and where exactly I would be working if chosen. I was stumped as to answering.
ceoa90a	If she were to beat the shit out of you, problem solved, right?	3,639	ceo95yq	[deleted]	AskReddit	1,796	2014-01-12 22:10:01	Yeah I know but my mother was evil and abusive and would have beat the shit out of me if her new toy was gone regardless of if she knew that it was me that disposed of it
ceqku50	I'll do an AMA once we hit $500K in donations to the hospital. How's that?	3,638	ceqhjag	GabeNewellBellevue	motorsports	599	2014-01-15 15:55:42	AMA pleeeeeease!
cep2vbi	You're fucking sick.	3,528	cep2sbi	kcman011	AskReddit	2,017	2014-01-13 21:21:39	Why don't you just consolidate drawers?
cefho56	I've never noticed any looks when eating alone in a restaurant. Are you sure you're not just looking around nervously to see who looks back at you?	3,519	cefguk9	senatorskeletor	AskReddit	2,334	2014-01-02 07:22:29	I went to a restaurant by myself once. I just wanted some nice food and some 'me' time. I got the most uncomfortable looks. :(
cf0mzbi	Nanny cam. He already knows if you had a good time.	3,420	cf0mlmx	gizmoat17	AskReddit	2,268	2014-01-27 19:24:37	Actually it wasn't. He was being genuine about it and asked if I had a good time today with a little wink...
cehqwja	http://imgur.com/IirxtHC	3,323	cehod8n	erikhoof	pics	2,116	2014-01-05 00:07:57	I think we need a current photo in order to convince us that you weren't, in fact, a chubby little girl.
cel3yf3	The entire city of Detroit.	3,315	cel3kor	TheCarbon	AskReddit	1,299	2014-01-08 21:58:52	Mansion in Kansas
cey5ooj	Here's what would happen. After you give the case, PI #1 will google the other and find out he's another PI. Then he'll call him and ask him for coffee. They'll meet, and PI #2 will reveal he got the exact same instructions as #1. Then they'll agree to "stalk" each other and milk you for tonnes of money.	2,786	cey4fyf	umiman	AskReddit	1,777	2014-01-24 16:01:49	It's an old joke, but I really wanna hire two PIs to follow each other. I know that, realistically, it won't work. They'll pick up what's happening quickly... But still.
cejmz04	Holy shit.. I missed the most important line. On the 3rd paragraph, first segment says -- "admit mistakes and obey the law". I suddenly realized that prisoners also have to clean their quarters and march in ranks for exercise(in China at least). Chinese prisons are usually organized like military camps because of that whole "break you down then build you up" idea. I was wondering why you would get party hats from Chinese military and why does the military talk about working instead of training. It all makes sense now. Your hat is made by prison labor. Edit: A friend told me it is good courtesy to thank the gentleman/lady for the reddit gold. Thank you!	3,297	cejmqei	yuxin_ma2005	pics	1,083	2014-01-07 08:46:12	and there we have it. thank you!
ceh0bq4	I'm a straight guy, sometimes I'll see just a perfect male specimen walking down the street and say to myself, "Damn. That dude is attractive as fuck." But it's not a sexual attraction, it's more of an admiration. Edit: There is really no reason why this comment should have 3000 up votes.	3,280	cegzqjd	bluntcity1	AskReddit	1,431	2014-01-04 00:29:10	Bisexual person here. How can someone be attracted to only one gender? Every category of person can be amazingly beautiful and attractive! Is it a conscious "nope, that's a dude, not attracted" or does the part of your mind that says "attractive!" just not activate when looking at the gender you don't like?
cekknsp	"Have you tried... not being dyslexic?"	3,277	cekj57n	Worlds_Best_Coffee	AskReddit	2,038	2014-01-08 10:13:23	Mom, dad... I´m dyslexic.
cezljlt	"My coworkers are fucking assholes."	3,193	cezl37s	[deleted]	AskReddit	1,049	2014-01-26 15:28:19	"So, jdeliverer... how has work been going lately?"
ceyque7	I think you're confusing it with the Cinnabon challenge. Edit: Wow, my first gold. Thank you, kind stranger!	3,188	ceymtno	forgottenpenis	AskReddit	1,245	2014-01-25 12:52:06	I gained 20 lbs.
cf18zzi	But I am in fact not a dude, And I've tasted more jizz than Tom Cruise, I just think the fellows, Should taste their dick jello, So they know why some girls refuse.	3,188	cf18u0k	UnnecessaryLimerick	AskReddit	1,412	2014-01-28 13:44:37	This was actually completely necessary. Good work my boy.
cel6j9b	Reddit: the Lenny of the internet Edit: Thanks for the gold!	3,187	cel5h9k	chte4300	AskReddit	2,047	2014-01-09 00:47:19	We loved it too much.
cepanjr	Dwayne Johnson	3,128	cep9y3p	Hulk_Smang	AskReddit	1,943	2014-01-14 07:10:38	Scissors. Edit: You people are horrible.
cepba76	The Welsh used sheep intestines as condoms long before that. Of course, they never took them out of the sheep. Edit: I can absolutely believe that my gilded comment is about sheep shagging. I am quite happy about it, it exemplifies me. Thank you stranger. Edit 2: I'm really sorry /u/_Trilobite_	3,123	cep99mc	kt_ginger_dftba	AskReddit	1,288	2014-01-14 07:39:00	Condoms, they have recently found one in france from about 1,500 years ago
celw7kw	Just turn all the lights off.	2,928	celuygq	Mutt1223	AskReddit	1,811	2014-01-09 20:28:56	I never got to have sex with a black chick. I'm white and married so thats never happening tho.
cf0qe4p	her name isn't Beth, it's Super Spanish. don't you know how to read?	2,778	cf0q3qt	Kubla_Khan	AskReddit	590	2014-01-27 21:40:19	beth isn't that spanish of a name ;)
cef60p9	I don't think you need a spine. It's holding you back.	1,934	cef3hhp	EdgarAllenFro	AskReddit	1,249	2014-01-01 18:27:47	My spine. Thank god for health insurance.
ceqsvgo	This is actually a sign of aggression in the wild. Cats perform these rolls as challenges to other cats that they see as competition. Ignoring the challenge is essentially a forfeit. Basically, the cat is showing OP who's boss every day, and OP is just taking it like a bitch. Edit: [Source](http://i.imgur.com/4UjJYxX.gif) Double Edit: twice in one thread? [Hooray!](http://i.imgur.com/63YY9MZ.gif)	3,118	ceqsqms	notCrazyMike	funny	2,062	2014-01-15 20:49:50	Best part is I'm sure he has some logical reason he has figured out in his cat brain that this needs to be done.
cf0zm09	Your son is not a water gun and does not deserve to be called a douche. I don't care what he did to the credenza.	3,100	cf0xek2	treerabbit23	AskReddit	1,519	2014-01-28 08:28:13	After I had my son they told me to keep the douche as a "fun bath toy/water gun!"
cekipac	I'm struggling to absorb this. Edit: Anal absorption earned me gold. See, kids? You can do anything - including shoving feminine products in your rectum. Hat tip for the bling.	3,080	cekimli	squalorid	AskReddit	1,976	2014-01-08 09:00:26	My mum and sister used to argue frequently about sis using my mums tampons and not replacing them. It wasn't her, I used to put them up my ass while I masturbated.
cenjtb5	Khan Heir	3,073	cenj78y	[deleted]	todayilearned	1,378	2014-01-11 23:35:18	This sounds like a plot line for Nick Cage! International Treasure: Tomb of Khan
cewhqnk	(⌐▨_▨)	1,797	cewfhk6	way_fairer	AskReddit	930	2014-01-22 18:26:10	I'm still convinced /u/way_fairer is in some kind of situation where he NEVER has to leave his house, because he's gotten the largest amount of karma ever in less than a year. And he comments constantly. /u/way_fairer is GOD.
cej41y9	Yeah, she told me all I needed to do was hit redial	2,480	cej3zs9	Beansforlife	AdviceAnimals	1,117	2014-01-06 16:16:00	Did you get her number?
ceyzwdw	Me and 4 friends were playing truth or dare. My crush was in this group. Now my douche friend calls on me. "Truth or dare?" I pick dare. He asks my other friend what he has in the fridge. sadly, there was a cucumber. "Go into the bathroom and shove this up your ass". I was fine, since i could fake some screams and emerge with my asshole still unscathed. But, mcdouche says "someone has to make sure he does it, any volunteers?" My crush raised her hand. I got 3/4 of it in my asshole. I would not repeat this experience. Edit: to everyone saying she was into me for volunteering: she probably was. I was a bit distracted by the cucumber up my bunghole to think about that. It hurt for a few days afterwards. There was no lube.	3,051	ceyzszd	vedran64	AskReddit	1,373	2014-01-25 19:20:06	Story time?
cez54j1	Probably not, unless it was a pop-up book.	3,046	cez3xqu	Sunset_Bleach	AskReddit	718	2014-01-25 23:51:29	Did anything come out of it?
cewj9l9	Soyuz tellin me there's a chance? Disclaimer - I have no idea if that's how you pronounce it	3,044	cewhq97	ocxtitan	AskReddit	1,460	2014-01-22 19:19:21	There is always a Soyuz attached so astronauts and cosmonauts can come to earth in the event of an emergency.
cepiqj6	(⌐■_■)	3,036	cepbu4y	way_fairer	AskReddit	1,541	2014-01-14 12:11:30	/u/way_fairer
ceww4qs	No way. I thought it was fowl.	3,031	cewv01t	tulesthemule	WTF	1,345	2014-01-23 08:12:19	So...... did you?
ceo8t39	That's a long handjob.	3,026	ceo8png	mrmaddness	AskReddit	1,236	2014-01-12 21:00:43	I'm 21. My cousin gave me a handjob when I was 8 years old she continued to gave till i was 15, later she got married. She was 11 years older than me.
cewo3yv	I thought I had typed up another one a while ago, but I can't seem to find the comment so maybe it was elsewhere. This is actually one that's stuck with me more vividly. In addition to sending home fallen US/Coalition servicemembers, one of our responsibilities was to return local nationals who died in American care to their families. Often these were Afghan National Army soldiers or Afghan National Police officers who had been serving in other provinces and been killed. They'd be flown to Bagram and their families notified. We would prepare them and take them to the front gate and turn their remains over to their families. Sometimes, though, they were just local nationals who happened to be sick or injured and died in an American hospital. They would be swathed in a kafan at the hospital and turned over to us. We would bring an HRP with us and muslim orderlies would work the remains into the bag. We would load them on the stretcher and take them back to the morgue where we would put them in a simple pine box. ANA/ANP would have an Afghan flag draped over the lid. Some time later we would receive a call from our LNO who would let us know when to meet the family at the front gate. We would remove the casket from our refrigeration unit and load them in the back of our big white box truck. We would put on our plate carriers (SOF guys took care of us; we had cooler kit than we had any business having) grab our rifles and head to the gate. At the gate we would meet up with an interpreter and the family would come through the walking section. They would confirm the names on the paperwork and we would pull out of the gate. They would pull up their car and we would transfer the casket from the box truck and come back inside. It became pretty routine. One day a 15 or 16 year old kid was hit by a truck. I don't know if it was an MRAP or what the circumstance were, just that he was hit and died at Craig Hospital on Bagram. We received a call that the family was on the way and that we could meet them in an hour. We load up and head that way. At the gate, things went a little different. Instead of a local 'terp, we were greeted by an Airman. We asked if he knew what we were doing and he said handing over someone to their family. Accurate enough. Let's go. He walked over to the walking entrance and talked to the guard, who brought the family over. The three of them walked up and we had the Airman ask their name and what kind of car they had with them(It's not an unreasonable question; you'd be amazed at the vehicles we've had to strap coffins onto). They told us that they didn't bring a car. We asked how they planned to get their son home. They told us they would take turns carrying him. These were not big burly SF bros. We asked what they meant by that. They looked confused for a second, and then one threw his arm around the other and kicked his right leg back. Like you would help someone who had a sprained ankle. This made sense to the Airman. Me and the other two MA guys exchanged glances. I told the Airman to ask them what they had been told about their son. They said that he had been hit by a truck and that his leg had been broken. I took a deep breath. I had the Airman confirm the name of the boy they were supposed to be picking up. The names matched. "Alright, man. This is about to be a terrible day for everyone involved. We're Mortuary Affairs, and we have a dead kid in the back of our truck. I don't know who's fucked up, but right now we need to confirm that this is the right kid in the back of our truck and the only way for us to do that is for me to climb back there with him, open the casket, and have him make a visual ID of his son. Best case scenario: PAD screwed up and we're going to scare the shit out of this guy telling him his son is dead and he's not. Worst case scenario: We have to tell this guy his son is dead and he doesn't react well." So the ghost-white Airman and I bring the father over behind the truck while the uncles stand out front. I slowly and calmly explain the situation with the Airman repeating me in pastho. The father argues for a moment, and starts to get fairly animated. He walks back around the front of the truck and talks to his brothers and they get fairly upset as well. My hand moves to the grip of my rifle, as I start to get a little more alert. So the father comes back around to the back and crosses his arms. He is convinced that it is not his son. It cannot be his son. As the ramp lowers, I move next to him. The pine box comes into view and his face hardens. We climb into the truck, and I point to the rollers on the ground telling him to be careful. The Airman stands on the ground outside. He didn't sign up for this. I half crouch next to the casket as the man kneels. He's between me and the exit. I wrestle the top off the casket and slide it toward the wall, my hand still on my rifle. I reach over and unzip the HRP as far as I can reach, almost to the waist. I fold the flap over and the body is there wrapped in white muslin. The father's breathing is coming rapidly and through his nose. He's visibly shaking. My understanding is that it is disrespectful for a non muslim to touch the burial shroud. I gesture to it, "Would you...?" He shakes his head, vehement. I reach over and pull the shroud back, exposing the boy's face. The boy's name falls from his father's lips, just barely audible. He looks at me. I don't speak Pashto. I don't know what to say. "I'm Sorry" is all I can muster. I don't know what he saw in me at that moment. I still don't have words for what I saw in him. He lunged at me then. Fast and hard. His arms wrapped around my neck. I'm still ashamed that it took me a few moments for me to take my hand off my rifle so I could hug him back. It's been better than three years, and it still bugs the shit out of me.	3,010	cewmu67	92MsNeverGoHungry	Military	80	2014-01-22 22:40:56	Wow, that story is just...haunting. Thank you for your service and for the honor you gave our fallen. A girl I went to college with a couple years ahead of me did some time at Dover and it really messed her up. She's out of the AF now but she was always very big-hearted. I can't imagine the internal strength you all must have to do what you do.
cf2jwzt	I have autism. Can't communicate verbally but text is okay. I have made my family's lives worse and they would have been better off had I never been born. I've overheard my parents saying that I'm their prison sentence, and I haven't spoken to my sister or brother in years, even though I see them all the time. They don't look my way and I pretend that my fear of eye contact is the reason I don't look back. You know, the shitty thing about autism is that I'm aware of everything that's going on, and I see how things work, for the most part, but I just can't communicate. It's like my body language and verbal skills are paralyzed, but I can express myself so damn clearly when I write my thoughts down. Yes, someone is home, I just can't come out to play... I'm totally dependent on my parents because I can't do things like buy groceries or get haircuts by myself, no matter how hard I try. I've written it all out in steps "Walk into store, find items, put items on counter, pay the cashier, grab the bags, exit the store" but then as soon as I walk into the store it's like a crazy acid trip of sparkling beings and strange lights. I don't know how to describe it but I feel completely out of place. Anyways, of course it's too late to kill myself now, as a young adult. That would devastate my family and the savings of not having to deal with me as an idiot dependent adult just wouldn't be worth it. So I'm just biding my time, living for them and trying not to be too much of a burden. I'm not depressed, but I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome here. I don't contribute to anything and I know that people don't want anything to do with me (I wouldn't either), so I just look down at my hands and wonder why the rest of me can't be so normal.	3,006	cf2ha1k	autismthrowaway123	AskReddit	820	2014-01-29 23:26:01	My brother has autism. My whole family has worse lives because of it. Edit: To clarify, I love my brother and I don't wish he or anyone with autism was killed at birth, although I do wish that he was normal. I don't actually agree with the euthanizing babies deal at all really, except for in extreme cases. This comment was to relate to PrincessRainbow's situation, where her brother's disability caused hardships in her family. I felt like I could relate to her because growing up with my brother has been very hard as well. Sorry for any confusion.
cenfr1d	Japanese websites are, in general, too cluttered and disjointed for western users. Omocoro has lots of advertisement, so your non-Japanese users will have trouble knowing which link is an article and which is an ad. The translation work isn't too bad, but the many mistakes signal that nobody on your staff is fully fluent in English. You can use funny Engrish to your advantage, but that is not easy. Finally, I think most native English speakers will find Omocoro's humor to be childish or adolescent. I looked through other articles (I speak Japanese at a conversational level) and didn't find anything very funny. Most of the non-Japanese I know dislike Japanese TV because the humor just isn't funny to us. The reason the original image of hentai on the train was so popular is because we were not "in on the joke." This appears to be the fundamental difference between Japanese humor and much of western humor. We take the picture seriously and laugh at the humor of the reality. Japanese are told something is a joke and then laugh about someone acting out the joke. If you see how Takeshi's Castle was translated into English, you can see how a Japanese show became funny for an American audience.	2,988	cend4ji	notafatasianguy	funny	1,628	2014-01-11 20:05:52	Hello, people of reddit. I'm yoppy. I work for Japanese entertainment portal website called "OMOCORO". We usually run contents for Japanese users, but today, we came here to survey how foreign people reacts with our website We made 3 different types of article in English for today, We hope to hear from you guys! 1.【Twitter Experiments】Does your followers come for rescue in case of danger? http://picup.omocoro.jp/?eid=1790 2.Ultimate matchup! photoshop artist vs ugliest human http://picup.omocoro.jp/?eid=1791 3.Carwash http://picup.omocoro.jp/?eid=1792 my twitter account is @yoppymodel.
cewt2zt	One of the perks of having a twin? (Sorry, couldn't resist)	2,988	cewsnn5	nezgan	AskReddit	1,474	2014-01-23 05:52:49	My gf and I share the same birthday. I'm one lucky bastard.
ceh5jj5	How do you think gay clubs keep the lights on? EDIT: Ooo, sparkly. Thank you so much!	2,988	ceh4shq	YourFriendlyLesbian	AskReddit	1,986	2014-01-04 08:01:58	If two men with beards kiss for a long time, can they build up a static electric charge?
cevevjb	... coming from the far corner of your room	2,955	ceve4ju	ReferencesCartoons	AskReddit	1,575	2014-01-21 14:11:17	Hearing an out of breath voice panting: "Thank you"
cehoar4	At 15? I wouldn't recommend it. But I have a hard time regretting my child who I love more than anything.	2,952	ceho9nr	ArcAngelX	AskReddit	1,509	2014-01-04 21:43:20	Do you regret having a kid so young? Or would you still do it at that age?
celguhg	BACK IN COLLEGE, I USED TO BY THE DAY SHIFT MANAGER FOR A SURFBOARD STORE IN LA JOLLA SHORES CALIFORNIA. WE WOULD SELL BOARDS TO BROS AND MAKE TONS OF MONEY. WELL, ONE DAY, I NOTICED THAT ONE OF THE SURFBOARDS SEEMED A LITTLE WEIRDED OUT. UPON FURTHER INSPECTION, I NOTICED THAT THE TOP WHERE THE STRING ATTACHED WAS LOOSE. I TOOK IT OFF ON COULD SEE THERE WAS WHAT LOOKED LIKE DRIED BLOOD SMEARED ON THE INSIDE OF THE BOARD. I LOOKED AT THE OTHER BOARDS, AND THEY WERE ALL THE SAME. I PUT IN A HIDDEN CAMERA AND CAUGHT ONE OF OUR EMPLOYEES NAMED TRYSTAN PUTTING THE BLOOD INSIDE THE BOARDS. WE CALLED THE POLICE AND UPON QUESTIONING, HIS MAIN MOTIVE WAS TO HAVE SHARKS EAT ALL THE SURFERS SO HE COULD HAVE ALL THE TASTY WAVES TO HIMSELF. COPS DIDN'T REALLY SEE MUCH WRONG WITH THAT (THEY WERE TERRITORIAL SURFERS BACK IN THE 80S PROBABLY). WE ALSO DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO FIRE HIM, SO HE STILL WORKS THERE. ALLTHOUGH, WE DO HAVE TO SEARCH HIM FOR BLOOD BEFORE EVERY SHIFT.	2,902	celguav	hearingaid_bot	AskReddit	300	2014-01-09 11:00:55	Wat?
cetb67j	It's to compensate for your stunning good looks and charming personality. There must be balance, after all.	2,895	cetap1u	[deleted]	AskReddit	1,895	2014-01-19 01:33:21	Why is my dick so small? I'm an adult. It should look like an adult dick!
cemdchj	Getting married to get sex? That's like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.	2,893	cemcz01	Phenom981	AskReddit	1,314	2014-01-10 12:01:07	Will you two marry me?
cejo53z	I'm just speaking on some real shit. The NBA hoe game is a literal profession for a lot of chicks. All Star Weekend is their Super Bowl. There's literally an entire subculture of women who's main objective is to fuck/get pregnant from/marry an NBA player (if you're lucky you might even get a reality show; that's like the Balon D'Or for basic bitches). Like that's their life mission, and they execute that shit with stunning precision. So honestly, I can understand how someone like Dwight Howard has 8 illegitimate kids. I'm surprised these guys don't have more the way the girls are on them. These ain't your regular gapped tooth shoeless running make up dive dar basic bitches either, these hoes is professionals. You ever see them girls on Instagram that are so bad that you just be thinkin to yourself like "man I'd get that shit pregnant fuck it". Okay, imagine if you weren't just a thirsty nigga on Instagram and hoes of that caliber were on your dick 24/7. You wouldn't know what to do with all that booty. That's the NBA. These the "poke a hole in the condom" type chicks (these days they don't even have to do that, you just convince the dude that you're on the pill and hope that the prospect of going raw is more enticing than common sense). But the players that do that are stupid, you can spot a thot a mile away. So honestly its just pretty much mostly the players' fault for getting caught up in an obvious con game in the name of getting laid.	2,890	cejo266	YungSnuggie	nba	917	2014-01-07 09:30:30	>u need to join the NBA Going to do that right now, thanks!
cemusr9	Never tell him the odds.. Wow gold! Jabba will be pleased.	2,886	cemn8yx	[deleted]	StarWars	1,117	2014-01-11 02:05:02	What a small world! That was years ago! whats were the odds of that huh? Lol
cewjg4n	Soyuz tellin me I was right?	2,882	cewjbv2	ocxtitan	AskReddit	1,117	2014-01-22 19:25:52	As far as I know, its pronounced soy-yous
ceh0twa	For me, vaginas are like a work of fine art. I can understand why someone would find them pleasing, but they ain't my cup of lgbtea. In regards to the anus, meh. I like dicks, though.	2,870	ceh0h8r	ranium	AskReddit	1,214	2014-01-04 01:10:04	Realtalk: I often hear that gay men find the vagina "icky", but is it really so, compared to an anus? I'm not knocking it or anything, I'm just saying, humans have a lot of weird orifices that, once you think about it, really aren't all that dissimilar. Is the anus appealing in and of itself, or is it just a means to an end?
cev2w1x	As an American, the first time I traveled abroad and partook in public drinking I thought "we've been out-freedomed" EDIT: Reddit gold? How many doge coins is that worth? I have no idea what's going on.	2,849	cev1fx8	IndianaJwns	AskReddit	1,698	2014-01-21 07:08:09	Dead giveaway: They're surprised we can drink a beer (or any alcohol) in public in my country. EDIT: Except New Orleanians apparently and all the fake Elvises in Las Vegas and people from Savannah, Georgia. Also the surprise when they see a naked statue, but that could also be another nationality. So the second one isn't that dead of a giveaway. EDIT2: This is now my new top comment on reddit. Thank you for all your messages. It's great to learn about different cultures.
cepvch0	I still refuse to negotiate with dicks.	2,841	cepvbtf	bankergoesrawrr	AskReddit	1,602	2014-01-14 19:41:25	What happens if he's hung like a rhino?
ceelhey	Sick man you're so alpha	2,838	ceel17z	Protozoah	AskReddit	630	2013-12-31 21:18:11	I spent like 2 minutes deleting my account.
cehblli	[Is this better?](http://i.imgur.com/PWgJiqV.jpg)	2,826	cehaq5d	tacothecat	pics	1,653	2014-01-04 12:15:28	http://imgur.com/zzrRUqs,79lfA2F The ring finger does not straighten. -Live long and Deliver.
ceyimbr	Is this the real life? Is this just Fanta pee?	2,824	ceyi5wj	Poke-Face	AskReddit	1,572	2014-01-25 06:13:55	Pissing into a Fanta bottle and let my friend Drink it. Twice.
cespkwt	You don't.	2,806	cespjuj	DWimaDerpologist	AskReddit	1,812	2014-01-18 07:44:07	How do you cauterize a burn?
cewkaop	That's true. Anyway, [here's the source from that gif (NSFW)](http://i.imgur.com/Qg0AInZ.gif) since I'm sure some of you want it.	2,804	cewjwuc	IranianGenius	AskReddit	1,006	2014-01-22 19:55:49	That's because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
celhtor	Lumbar fucked her.	2,803	celgcit	eaterofdog	AskReddit	1,665	2014-01-09 11:34:43	Did it have lumbar support?
cehemod	Here I am.	2,800	cehaj1z	minusgreen	AskReddit	1,729	2014-01-04 14:13:54	You mean Minus Green
cenqdm5	Only if he got the good meds	2,350	cenqagk	biggreasyrhinos	AskReddit	961	2014-01-12 09:00:38	But did he go to another galaxy?
celgnw1	They denied that it happened. They said they weren't having sex but admitted that they were making out. I know what I saw. They both were fired. Dudes wife divorced him and they actually started dating for like 3 months. He got her name tattooed on his forearm. It didn't work out. The whole thing was super white trash and just gross.	2,772	celgepn	borhoi	AskReddit	1,103	2014-01-09 10:54:29	What happened after you caught them?
cetit9w	> hodor	2,762	cethooa	Goldwagg	AskReddit	1,211	2014-01-19 10:25:28	>She's
ceszcqb	''Weirdo everyone hates is finally dead!''	2,753	cesz0xg	Tetraporc	AskReddit	1,691	2014-01-18 15:09:34	I couldn't complain. I'd still make it on the front page of the newspaper.
ceyp1mf	That's because drinking alcohol is basically borrowing happiness from the day after.	2,752	ceylnof	Nextphaze	AskReddit	1,638	2014-01-25 11:34:30	This sounds like a really good night and a really bad morning
cev88b0	Nah, they'll just laugh and rub each others nipples. It can be exhausting screwing people all day.	2,747	cev84jq	kreimerd	pics	1,505	2014-01-21 10:29:39	LMAO. When his employer sees this, his day is going to get even worse.
cekfeov	> PEOPLE TELL ME THEIR SECRETS. > > MY FRIENDS AND EVEN RANDOM STRANGERS, ALL THE TIME, EVER SINCE I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. edit: Thanks for the gold random stranger!	2,738	cekdu5u	SwampRoot	AskReddit	498	2014-01-08 06:36:12	How?
cevy1c0	I bet a gentle hammering would do the trick	2,730	cevxruc	willyscoot	WTF	1,814	2014-01-22 06:48:30	Hoping that's not real cement. Real cement would be caustic and burn the skin, it would likely asphyxiate her when it sets and stops her being able to breathe, and it would be impossible to remove without power tools (or gravity).
cex6ssj	Sigh... It's african-american ops. Jeez Edit: Gold, highest rated, suck my dick, I'm a bus.	2,729	cex4e3j	riders994	AskReddit	1,335	2014-01-23 14:15:27	......black ops Rosa parks?
cet2tor	The names Mark...Skid Mark.	2,724	cet2cle	ScubaSieve	AskReddit	1,748	2014-01-18 17:43:34	'Skid' would've been great.
celtgsf	"Probably from the previous renter" Good job Sherlock	2,715	celse0n	rickjuice	WTF	1,446	2014-01-09 18:42:11	Probably from the previous renter. And they probably want that back. I work at Enterprise rent-a-car and to date I have found 3 guns. 2 of them were in the spare tire. I have also found numerous bags of weed and one time a 70+ year old man returned his car and left the trunk filled with porn. Nasty awesome porn.
ceg62n4	Hitler has to exist, because he represents the least worst-timeline. No Hitler? German fascists still exist, but there's also a powerful Communist movement opposing them. German Civil War breaks out, USSR intervenes. The UK wants to intervene, but Communism had huge support among the French people and intellectuals at the time, and the UK refuses to go alone. The result is an alternate history where all of continental Europe is under the Iron Curtain. Without the EEC, the trade with the continent, the UK also suffers economically and undergoes a communist revolution. Since the entire developed world has gone Communist, support for Communism builds in the US, and the result is a reactionary police-state. The entire world becomes totalitarian. If Hitler dies at some point after becoming Fuhrer but before the war and the Holocaust, Nazism as an ideology is never discredited. It's entirely possible without Hitler, Nazi Germany doesn't open hostilities with the USSR, and the continues on for decades. Or, even after Nazi Germany's defeat, the Nazi party continues to exist as a strong political force in Germany because since Hitler dies before the fall of Nazism, Neo-Nazis can go around saying things about how the Nazis went astray, and how Hitler wouldn't have let the Holocaust happen, etc. As an ideology, Nazism needs to die discredited with Hitler. Source: I've killed Hitler at various time-points and watched the outcome.	2,712	ceg48sh	jurble	AskReddit	1,180	2014-01-02 23:44:14	Everything in the universe was conspiring to kill this guy and it just didn't happen...
cepnr7e	That's just not true. I have a very personal relationship with my lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Very personal. I met him three years ago at a bar in downtown Reno. I was hanging out with a few of my friends- they were all getting shitfaced, but unfortunately, I was the designated driver. So I was just sitting there sipping on a glass of ice water. Then this Middle Eastern guy takes a seat next to me. "Do you wanna see a really cool trick?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not, but I was bored off my ass, so I said sure. Then he snapped his fingers and my water turned into wine. "Jesus Christ!" I said. He grinned and said, "Yup, that's my name. And if you play your cards right, you'll be screaming it all night long. You want to get into heaven, you sexy little thing? Well, let me put it this way...the only way to The Father is through me." I'm not gay, so I was feeling pretty awkward. But after a few shots of some holy spirits, I started to loosen up. And it dawned on me that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I would become the first person in human history to bone Jesus- who could pass that up? So I abandoned my friends and went back to his place. He lit some candles and put on some Christmas carols to set the mood. After a few glasses of sacramental wine, I was ready to go. I tore his robes off and thrust my manhood inside him. The feeling was incredible- it was like fucking three people at the same time. "OH, ME!" he screamed in ecstasy. "I HAVEN'T BEEN NAILED THIS HARD SINCE THE CRUCIFIXION!" I blew my load pretty quickly, but he wasn't done with me. He bent me over and whispered, "Are you ready to accept the body of Christ?" He didn't even wait for answer- he jammed his divine rod in my asshole and went to town. I was surprised at how fast he came-but then again, he hadn't gotten laid in 2,000 years, so I could see why. Well, I thought he was finished. He rolled me over on my back and said, "Are you ready for the Second Coming?" and sprayed his holy seed all over my face. I never got his number- he just told me to pray to the heavens if I was ever in the mood for a booty call. Still haven't heard back from him, though.	2,712	ceplxmo	[deleted]	AskReddit	1,398	2014-01-14 15:00:27	ITT: No actual Redditors with famous friends.
cemy0z8	And then your kids are like "daddy, I haven't eaten in three days I'm hungwy" "Just one more raid, sweetie"	2,706	cemxqbe	danrennt98	AskReddit	1,668	2014-01-11 07:30:50	And you wake up and.... there's all these responsibilities!
cepcti3	If Susan's going to be here I'm gonna peace out.	2,704	cepcail	SUSAN_IS_A_BITCH	AskReddit	1,590	2014-01-14 08:40:55	Susan is a bitch. I see her namesake's floating about this thread already. Please shed some light, Susan!
cf0gwky	well , i created a monster http://imgur.com/Ya656xJ	2,691	cf0dp5m	darkitp	WTF	1,781	2014-01-27 15:51:59	Looks like an eye ball.
ceumyiu	Mom has had a good life.	2,687	ceumwl9	Gauhl	AskReddit	1,003	2014-01-20 16:32:47	>Never litter, there is absolutely no reason to. What if I have a gun to your mother's head and the only way she lives is if you toss that cig out the window because I have asthma?
ceejrui	So, how's seventh grade going?	2,536	ceejh4c	classic__schmosby	AskReddit	985	2013-12-31 19:31:02	I spent so much fucking money on Silly Bandz, but I was the coolest kid in sixth grade for a week, so it was worth it.
cehoz3a	Raise your kid to be someone she would be proud of.	2,533	cehor8y	Kitehammer	AskReddit	788	2014-01-04 22:16:20	My missus is currently pregnant, and this scares the shit out of me. The fuck am I meant to do if something like this happens?
cf0d28d	Yeah, and you could use the upper ridges to prevent the fleshlight from sliding away.	2,532	cf09i70	benmeadows	pics	1,308	2014-01-27 13:39:58	Those footholds would actually be kind of useful for extra leverage while...pushing.
cet5drq	Should've just nicknamed them "True" and "False"	2,529	cet358j	atmullen	AskReddit	1,215	2014-01-18 19:42:02	My school had a white Austin White and a black Austin White
cer2wcd	Oh you threw around some sausage alright	1,795	cer2v6r	nwilso9	pics	1,032	2014-01-16 08:01:48	She actually woke up happily. There's a plot twist to this as well, I work at a supermarket and had bought home a load of sausages which were going to be thrown out. Pie and sausage all round.
cenvuyi	u fakin wot m8?	1,434	cenvso8	screamadelica_	WTF	872	2014-01-12 12:31:51	It wouldn't surprise me if it said 'England'...
cerxb2y	Hey! I wrote that article. I'd love to have included the footage, but the scientific paper hasn't been published yet - just [accepted](http://prl.aps.org/accepted/ac07eY2cQ9e1ee401777590317bc60f3d7e42e93c). Once it has been published (which should be in the next couple of months), I'll have a look and if the scientists include the footage in the paper then I'll add it. I want to see it as much as you do! Edit: The paper is [up](http://prl.aps.org/abstract/PRL/v112/i3/e035001), and so is an image and the footage. I've added them to the bottom of the [article](https://medium.com/looking-up/b594b6ffea37). Spoilers: they're not actually that impressive, because the researchers were about a kilometre away. But hey: doesn't matter, saw ball lightning.	2,672	cerw9mt	duncangeere	science	1,730	2014-01-17 07:22:19	Where is said footage?
ceop3lb	well, to be fair, everyone is black inside a movie theatre	2,669	ceomxwj	themexicanwhiteboy	AskReddit	1,244	2014-01-13 12:43:17	Restaurant across the street from a movie theater
cewvf9b	Yeah, you see hunter2 but all we see is ********	2,668	cewuyxv	Bensas42	AskReddit	1,294	2014-01-23 07:44:45	Don't worry, you will still see it but we just see *******
cf0h4jf	Sucks that you have to go to Wal-Mart to find that.	2,662	cf0fvld	SmokeyBare	funny	1,172	2014-01-27 15:59:51	I like going to Walmart. I always end up seeing someone who makes me feel pretty by comparison.
cepjmps	Sorry about that! I generally try to stay on topic, but I can't control what other people write or say to me. For the most part, I think people are generally positive and just want to chat. For me, I'd rather chime in and make that person happy than worry about whether someone has to scroll an extra inch or two, but apologies if it's been a hassle, I really don't mean it to be!	2,657	cepfxxl	Unidan	AskReddit	1,008	2014-01-14 12:41:20	Unidan isn't just original and interesting comments though, sometimes an entire thread gets cluttered by him saying Hello! and hundred of people creaming their pants in response

End of preview. Expand in Data Studio

Dataset Card for reddit_one_ups_seq2seq_2014

Dataset Summary

Reddit 'one-ups' or 'clapbacks' - replies which scored higher than the original comments.

This dataset chose freeform replies, which did not follow repetitive meme replies. The IAmA subreddit was excluded to avoid an issue where their answers frequently score higher than questions.

For commentary on predictions with a previous version of the dataset, see https://blog.goodaudience.com/can-deepclapback-learn-when-to-lol-e4a2092a8f2c

For meme / text-classification version of this dataset, see https://huggingface.co/datasets/georeactor/reddit_one_ups_2014

Replies were selected from PushShift's archive of posts from 2014.

Supported Tasks

seq2seq writing of replies to Reddit comments

Languages

Primarily English - includes some emoticons such as ┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)

Dataset Structure

Data Instances

19,992 rows

Data Fields

id: the Reddit alphanumeric ID for the reply
body: the content of the original reply
score: the net vote score of the original reply
parent_id: the Reddit alphanumeric ID for the parent
author: the Reddit username of the reply
subreddit: the Reddit community where the discussion occurred
parent_score: the net vote score of the parent comment
tstamp: the timestamp of the reply
parent_body: the content of the original parent

Dataset Creation

Source Data

Reddit comments collected through PushShift.io archives for 2014.

Initial Data Collection and Normalization

Removed deleted or empty comments.
Selected only replies which scored 1.5x higher than a parent comment, where both have a positive score.
Found top/repeating phrases common to these one-ups/clapback comments; selected only replies which DID NOT have these phrases.
Selected the top-scored ~1,667 replies from each month in 2014, avoiding /r/IAmA.
Made rows in PostgreSQL and output as CSV.