Tis that I came to towne for , I wo 'd not Endure againe the countrey conversation , To be the Lady of sixe shires I the men So neare the Primitive making , they retaine A sence of nothing but the earth , their braines And barren heads standing as much in want Of plowing as their ground , to heare a fellow Make himselfe merry and his horse with whisteling Sellingers round , to observe with what solemnitie They keepe their Wakes , and throw for pewter Candlestickes , How they become the Morris , whith whose bells They ring all into Whitson Ales , and sweate , Through twenty Scarffes and Napkins , till the Hobbyhorse Tire , and the maide Marrian dissolv 'd to a gelly , Be kept for spoone meate . You doe imagine , No doubt , you have talk 'd wisely , and confuted , London past all defence , your Master should Doe well to send you backe into the countrie , With title of Superintendent Baylie . Even so sir . A country-gentleman , By your affection to converse with stuble , His tenants will advance your wit , and plumpe it so With beefe and bag-pudding . Complaine to the Lord of the soyle your master . I am angry with my selfe , To be so miserably restrained in things , Wherein it doth concern your love and honour To see me satisfied . What charge more than is necessarie , For a lady of my birth and education ? Tis English . Decoy welcome , this visite is a favour . You oblige me Madam , but I must Not dispence so with your absence . Thou shalt command mine , prethee sweete Decoy . So you will promise to dine with me . De . I shall Present a guest . Are . Why then good morrow Madam . Whats your newes sir ? St. Madam two gentlemen . What gentlemen ? Have they no names . St . They are The gentleman with his owne head of haire , Whom you commended for his horsemanship In Hide Parke , and becomming the saddle The tother day . Are . What circumstance is this , To know him by . St. His names at my tongues end , He lik 'd the fashion of your pearle chaine Madam , And borrowed it for his Jewelier to take A coppie by it . Bor . What cheating gallants this ? Fie , how 's this haire disordered ? here 's a curle , Straddle most impiously , I must to my closet . Exit . Faire morning to you gentlemen , You went not late to bed by your early visit , You doe me honour . Al . It becomes our service . What newes abroade ? you hold precious intelligence . And where were you last night ? Al . I Madam ? where I slept not , it had beene sin where so much Delight and beauty was to keepe me waking , There is a Lady Madam will be worth Your free societie , my conversation Nere knew so elegant and brave a soule , With most incomparable flesh and bloud , So spirited , so Courtly speakes the Languages , Sings , Dances , playes o'th Lute to admiration , Is faire and paints not , games too , keepes a table , And talkes most witty Satyre , has a wit Of a cleane Mercury . A Virgin ? Al . Neither . Lit . What a widow ? something Of this wide commendation might have beene Excusd , this such a prodigie ? Al . Repent Before I name her , shee did never see Yet full sixteene , an age in the opinion Of wise men not contemptible , she ha 's Mourned out her yeare too for the honest Knight That had compassion of her youth , and dy 'd So timely , such a widow is not common , And now she shines more fresh and tempting Then any naturall Virgin . Whats her name ? You have beene high in praises . Al . I come short , No flattery can reach her . Bor . Now my Lady Is troubled as she feared to be eclipsd , This newes will cost me somewhat . Are . You deserve Her favour for this noble character . You must bring us acquainted . Bo . I pray doe sir , I long to see her too , Madam I have Thought upo n't and corrected my opinion , Pursue what wayes of pleasure your desires Incline you too , not onely with my state , But with my person I will follow you , I see the folly of my thrift , and will Repent in Sacke and prodigalitie To your owne hearts content . But doe not mocke . I am glad to heare you sir in so good tune . The boy 's undone . Fre . Madam you appeare troubled . Have J not cause ? Was not J trusted with Thy education boy , and have they sent thee Home like a very scholler . Alex . Twas ill done How ere they usd him in the Vniversitie , To send him to his friends thus . Fre . Why sir , blacke Is not within my reading any blemish , Sables are no disgrace in Heraldry . What lucke I did not send him into France , They would have given him generous education , Taught him another garbe , to weare his locke , And shape , as gawdie as the Summer , how To dance , and wagge his feather ala mode , To complement , and cringe , to talke not modestly Like J forsooth , and no forsooth , to blush And looke so like a Chaplaine , there he might Have learned a brazen confidence , and observ 'd So well the custome of the countrey , that He might by this time have invented fashions For us , and beene a benefit to the Kingdome Preserv 'd our Tailors in their wits , and sav 'd The charge of sending into forraine Courts For pride and anticke fashions , observe , In what a posture he does hold his hat now . I feare hee 's spoild forever , he did name Logicke , and may for ought I know be gone So farre to understand it , I did alwayes Suspect they would corrupt him in the Colledge , Will your Greeke sawes and sentences discharge The Mercer , or is Latin a fit language To court a mistresse in ? Mr. Alexander If you have any charitie , let me Commend him to your breeding , I suspect I must employ my Doctor first , to purge The Vniversitie that lies in 's head It alters his complexion . Alex . If you dare Trust me to serve him . Are . Mr. Littleworth Be you joynd in commission . Lit . I will teach him Postures and rudiments . Are . I have no patience To see him in this shape , it turnes my stomacke , When he has cast his Academicke skinne He shall be yours , I am bound in conscience To see him bred , his owne state shall maintaine The change , while hees my Ward , come hither sir . I wanted such an engine , my Lord has Done me a curtesie to disclose her nature , I now know one to trust , and will employ her . Touching my Lord , for reasons , which I shall Offer to your Ladiship hereafter , I Desire you would be silent , but to shew How much I dare be confident in your secrecie , I powre my bosome forth , I love a gentleman On whom there woo'not meet much conjuration To meet — your eare — Your pardon a few minutes sir —— you must Contrive it thus . Lit . I attend , and shall account it Honour to waite on your returne . Are . He must not Have the least knowledge of my name , or person . I hope the revells are maintained within . Tis well . Lit . And praises her beyond all poetry . I'me glad he has so much wit . Lit . Not jealous ! This secures me , what would make other Ladies pale With jealousie , gives but a licence to my wandrings , Let him now taxe me if he dare —— and yet Her beauti 's worth my envie , and I wish Revenge upon it , not because he loves , But that it shines above my owne . Enter Alex . I have it , you two gentlemen professe Much service to me , if I have a way To employ your wit and secrecie . Both . You'le honour us . You gave a high and worthy character Of Celestina . Alex . I remember Madam . Doe either of you love her ? Alex . Not I Madam . They are here , begin not till I whisper you . C'est bien de la douceur de vostre naturel que vous tenez Ceste language ; mais j'espere que mon mary n'a pas Manque de vous entretenir en mon absence . Il eut trop failly , s'il n'eust tasche de tout son pouvoir a vous rendre toutes fortes de services . Vrayement Madame , que jamais personne a plus desire , L'honneur de vostre compagnie , que moy . Vous m'obligez trop . Passion of my braine . There 's a complement . Ie vous prie Madame d'excuser les habitz , & le rude Comportement de mon cousin . Il est tout fraichement Venu de l'universite , ou on l'a tout gaste . Oh most unpardonable ! get him off Quickly , and discreetely , or if I live —— What shall I doe ? Try your skill , Master Littleworth . Nephew Fredricke ! Fr . Little gentleman , This an affront both to my bloud and person , I am a gentleman of as tall a birth As any boast nobility , though my clothes Smell o'the lampe , my coate is honourable , Right honourable , full , of or , and argent , A little gentleman ! Bor . Coze you must be patient , My Lady meant you no dishonour , and You must remember shee 's a woman . Now gentlemen . Ex . all but Cel . & Alex . & Little . Is she gone . Li . I thinke we peperd her . Some love letter —— He smiles upont . Now Mr. Alexander , you looke bright o the suddaine , Another spirit 's in your eye . I blush while I converse with my owne thoughts , Some strange fate governes me , but I must on , The wayes are cast already , and we thrive When our sinne feares no eye nor perspective . Exit . Well , turne about Fredricke , very well . A coach will easily convey it , or You may take water at strand bridge . Lit . But I Have taken fire . Are . The Thames will coole . But hath Sir Thomas lost five hundred pounds Already ? Ser . And five hundred more he borrow 'd , The Dice are notable devourers Madam , They make no more of peeces , than of pebbles , But thrust their heapes together to engender , Two hundred more the Caster cries this gentleman , I am w'ee . I ha that to nothing sir , the Caster Agen , tis covered , and the table too , With summes that frighed me , here one sneakes out , And with a Martyrs patience , smiles upon His moneyes Executioner , the Dice , Commands a pipe of good Tobacco , and I'th smoke o n't vanishes ; another makes The bones vault ore his head , sweares that ill throwing Has put his shoulder out of joynt , calls for A bone setter that lookes to'th boxe , to bid His master send him some more hundred pounds , Which lost , he takes tobacco , and is quiet ; Here a strong arme throwes in , and in , with which He brusheth all the table , payes the Rookes That went their smelts a peece upon his hand , Yet sweares he has not drawne a stake this seven yeare . But I was bid make haste , my master may Lose this five hundred pounds ere I come thither . Exit . If we both waste so fast , we shall soone finde Our state is not immortall , some thing in His other wayes appeare not well already . Enter sir Thomas . Say you so ? I'le have another coach to morrow If there be rich above ground . Bor . I forgot To bid the fellow aske my Jeweller , Whether the chaine of Diamonds be made up , I will present it to my Lady Bellamour , Faire Celestina . Are . This gowne J have worne Sixe dayes already , it lookes dull , ile give it My waiting woman , and have one of cloth of gold enbrodered , shooes and pantables Will show well of the same . Bor . I have invited A covey of Ladies , and as many gentlemen To morrow to the Italian Ordinary , I shall have rarities , and regalli as To pay for Madam , musicke , wanton songs , And tunes of silken petticotes to dance to . And to morrow have I invited halfe the Court To dine here , what misfortune tis your company And ours should be devided ? after dinner J entertaine e 'm with a play . Bor . By that time Your play inclines to the Epilogue , shall we quit our Italian host , and whirle in coaches , To the Douch Magazine of sawce , the Stillyard , Where deale , and backragge , and what strange wine else , They dare but give a name too in the reckoning Shall flow into our roome , and drowne Westphalias , Tongues , and Anchoavis , like some little towne Endangered by a sluce , through whole fierce ebbe We wade and wash our selves into a boate , And bid our Coachmen drive their leather tenements By land , while we saile home with a fresh tide To some new randevous . Are . If you have not Pointed the place , pray bring your Ladies hither , J meane to have a Ball to morrow night , And a rich banquet for e 'm , where we'le dance Till morning rise , and blush to interrupt us . Tis very pretty . Enter Decoy . Madam Decoy . De . What melancholy Exit . After so sweet a nights worke ? Have not I Shew 'd my selfe Mistris of my art . Are . A Lady . Where have you beene cozen ? Fre . At the bridge , At the Beares foote , where our first health began To the faire Aretina , whose sweet company Was wished by all , we could not get a lay , a Tumbler , a Device , a bona roba For any money , drawers were growne dull ; We wanted our true firkes and our vagaries ; When were you in drinke Aunt ? Are . How ? Fr . Do not Ladies Play the good fellowes too ? there 's no true mirth Without e 'm , I have now such tickling fancies , That Doctour of the chaire of wit , has read A precious lecture , how I should behave My selfe to Ladies , as now for example . Would you practise upon me ? Fre . I first salute you , You have a soft hand Madam , are you so All over ? Are . Nephew . Fre . Nay you should but smile , And then agen I kisse you ; and thus draw Off your white glove , and start to see your hand More excellently white , I grace my owne Lip with this touch , and turning gently thus , Prepare you for my skill in Palmistry , Which out of curiosity no Lady But easily applies too , the first line I tooke with most ambition to find out , Is Venus girdle , a faire semicircle Enclosing both the mount of Sol and Saturne , If that appeare , she 's for my turne , a Lady Whom nature has prepar 'd for the careere , And Cupid at my elbow , I put forward , You have this very line , Aunt . The boy 's franticke . He has sacke enough , and I may find his humor . Exeunt . Your other clothes were not so rich , who was Your tailor sir ? Al . They were made for me long since , They have knowne but two bright dayes upon my backe , I had a humor Madam to lay things by , They will serve two dayes more , I thinke I ha gold enough To goe to'th Mercer , Ile now allow my selfe A suite a weeke as this , with necessary Dependances , Beaver , silke stockings , garters , And roses in their due conformitie , Bootes are forbid a cleane legge , but to ride in , My linnen every morning comes in new , The old goes too great bellies . Ar . You are charitable . You make me wonder sir , to see this change Of fortune , your revenew was not late So plentifull . Al . Hang durty land and Lordships , I wonot change one lodging I ha got For the Chamber of London . Are . Strange of such a sudden , To rise to this estate , no fortunate hand At dice could lift you up so , for tis since Last night , yesterday , you were no such Monarke . Dare you trust my security . Al . There 's gold , I shall have more to morrow . You astonish me , who can supply these ? Not that I wish to know More of your happinesse , then I have aready Heart to congratulate , be pleasd to lay My wonder . Al . Tis a secret . Are . Which ile die Ere Ile betray . Al . You have alwayes wish 'd me well , But you shall sweare not to reveale the partie . Ile lose the benefit of my tongue . Alex . Nor be Afraid at what I say , what thinke you first Of an old Witch , a strange ill favor 'd hag That for my company last night , has wrought This cure upon my fortune ? I doe sweat To thinke upon her name . Are . How sir a Witch ? What devill ? How I tremble . Ale . Have a heart , Twas a shee devill too , a most insatiate Abominable devill with a taile Thus long . Are . Goodnesse defend me , did you see her ? Tis a false glasse , sure I am more deform 'd , What have I done , my soule is miserable . Enter Lord . Heaven has dissolv 'd the clouds that hung upon My eyes , and if you can with mercy meet A penitent , I throw my owne will off , And now in all things obey yours , my nephew Send backe agen to'th colledge , and my selfe To what place you'le confine me . Bor . Dearer now Than ever to my bosome , thou shalt please Me best to live at thy owne choice , I did But fright thee with a noise of my expences , The summes are safe , and we have wealth enough , If yet we use it nobly ? My Lord —— Madam , Pray honour to night . Are . I begge your presence , And pardon . Bor . I know not how my Aretina May be disposd to morrow for the country .