meeting her kindly . How does the happy Cause of my Content , my dear Amanda ? You find me musing on my happy State , And full of grateful Thoughts to Heaven , and you . The largest Boons that Heaven thinks fit to grant To Things it has decreed shall crawl on Earth , Are in the Gift of Woman form 'd like you . Perhaps when Time shall be no more , When the aspiring Soul shall take its Flight , And drop this pond'rous Lump of Clay behind it , It may have Appetites we know not of , And Pleasures as refin 'd as its Desires — But till that Day of Knowledge shall instruct me , The utmost Blessing that my Thought can reach , Is folded in my Arms , and rooted in my Heart . Well said , Amanda — let it be for ever .— Wou 'd Heaven grant that — It must : that mournful Separation we must see . A bitter Pill it is to all ; but doubles its ungrateful Taste , When Lovers are to swallow it ; Can you then doubt my Constancy , Amanda ? You 'll find ‘ tis built upon a steady Basis —— The Rock of Reason now supports my Love , On which it stands so fix 'd , The rudest Hurricane of wild Desire Wou 'd , like the Breath of a soft slumbering Babe , Pass by , and never shake it . You know then all that needs to give you Rest , For Wife 's the strongest Claim that you can urge . When you would plead your Title to my Heart , On this you may depend ; therefore be calm , Banish your Fears , for they are Traitors to your Peace : Beware of them , they are insinuating busy Things That gossip to and fro , and do a World of Mischief Where they come : But you shall soon be Mistress of ‘ em all , I 'll aid you with such Arms for their Destruction , They never shall erect their Heads again . You know the Business is indispensible , that obliges Me to go to London , and you have no Reason , that I Know of , to believe that I 'm glad of the Occasion : For my honest Conscience is my Witness , I have found a due Succession of such Charms In my Retirement here with you , I have never thrown one roving Thought that way ; But since , against my Will , I 'm dragg 'd once more To that uneasy Theatre of Noise , I am resolv 'd to make such use o n't , As shall convince you ‘ tis an old cast Mistress , Who has been so lavish of her Favours , She 's now grown Bankrupt of her Charms , And has not one Allurement left to move me . That Trial past , and y'are at ease for ever ; When you have seen the Helmet prov 'd , You 'll apprehend no more for him that wears it : Therefore to put a lasting Period to your Fears , I am resolv 'd , this once , to launch into Temptation . I 'll give you an Essay of all my Virtues ; My former boon Companions of the Bottle Shall fairly try what Charms are left in Wine : I 'll take my Place amongst them , They shall hem me in , Sing Praises to their God , and drink his Glory ; Turn wild Enthusiasts for his sake , And Beasts to do him Honour : Whilst I , a stubborn Atheist , Sullenly look on , Without one reverend Glass to his Divinity . That for my Temperance , Then for my Constancy —— Indeed the Danger 's small . Why are you so timorous ? My Courage should disperse your Apprehensions . Fy , fy , Amanda , it is not kind thus to distrust me . For if you can believe ‘ tis possible I shou 'd again relapse to my past Follies , I must appear to you a thing Of such an undigested Composition , That but to think of me with Inclination , Wou 'd be a Weakness in your Taste , Your Virtue scarce cou 'd answer . Nor shall they trouble you much longer , A little time shall shew you they were groundless ; This Winter shall be the fiery Trial of my Virtue ; Which , when it once has past , You 'll be convinc 'd ‘ twas of no false Allay , There all your Cares will end — How do you like these Lodgings , my Dear ? For my part , I am so well pleased with them , I shall hardly remove whilst we stay in Town , if you are satisfy 'd . O ! a little of the Noise and Bustle of the World sweetens the Pleasures of Retreat : We shall find the Charms of our Retirement doubled , when we return to it . I own most of them are indeed but empty ; nay , so empty , that one would wonder by what Magick Power they act , when they induce us to be vicious for their sakes . Yet some there are we may speak kindlier of : There are Delights , of which a private Life is destitute , which may divert an honest Man , and be a harmless Entertainment to a virtuous Woman . The Conversation of the Town is one ; and trulythe Plays , I think , may be esteem 'd another . But till that Reformation can be made , I would not leave the wholesome Corn for some intruding Tares that grow among it . Doubtless the Moral of a well-wrought Scene is of prevailing Force —— Last Night there happen 'd one that mov 'd me strangely . Why ‘ twas about — but ‘ tis not worth repeating . No , I think ‘ tis as well let alone . ‘ Twas a foolish thing : You 'd perhaps grow jealous shou 'd I tell it you , tho ’ without a Cause , Heaven knows . I 'll then convince you you have none , by making it no longer so . Know then , I happen 'd in the Play to find my very Character , only with the Addition of a Relapse ; which struck me so , I put a sudden Stop to a most harmless Entertainment , which till then diverted me between the Acts . ‘ Twas to admire the Workmanship of Nature , in the Face of a young Lady that sat some distance from me , she was so exquisitely handsome —— Why do you repeat my Words , my Dear ? Then you are alarmed , Amanda ? You are too quick in apprehending for me ; all will be well when you have heard me out . I do confess I gaz 'd upon her , nay , eagerly I gaz 'd upon her . No , I desir 'd her not : I view 'd her with a World of Admiration , but not one Glance of Love . I did take heed ; for observing in the Play , that he who seem 'd to represent me there , was , by an Accident like this , unwarily surpriz 'd into a Net , in which he lay a poor intangled Slave , and brought a Train of Mischiefs on his Head , I snatch 'd my Eyes away ; they pleaded hard for leave to look again , but I grew absolute , and they obey 'd . Indeed I cannot tell . By all that 's sacred , then , I did not ask . I do not . Why , were you disturb 'd ? None certainly . But you thought wrong , Amanda ; For turn the Case , and let it be your Story ; Should you come home , and tell me you had seen a handsome Man , shou 'd I grow jealous because you had Eyes ? She has Reason on her side , I have talk 'd too much ; but I must turn it off another way .Will you then make no difference , Amanda , between the Language of our Sex and yours ? There is a Modesty restrains your Tongues , which makes you speak by halves when you commend ; but roving Flattery gives a loose to ours , which makes us still speak double what we think : You shou 'd not therefore , in so strict a Sense , take what I said to her Advantage . I am content . Do n't you be jealous now , for I shall gaze upon her too . Ha ! By Heavens , the very Woman ! If my Wife never desires a harder thing , Madam , her Request will be easily granted . You ought rather , Madam , to wish me Joy upon that , since I am the only Gainer . If the World is so favourable to me , to allow I deserve that Title , I hope ‘ tis so just to my Wife , to own I derive it from her . I 'm afraid we shall lose that Character , Madam , whenever you happen to change your Condition . Lord Foppington !— I know him not . Give my Service to his Lordship , and let him know , I am proud of the Honour he intends me . No , there you are wrong , Amanda ; you shou 'd never bestow your Pity upon those who take pains for your Contempt ; Pity those whom Nature abuses , but never those who abuse Nature . You have done well to engage a Second , my Dear ; for here comes one will be apt to call you to an Account for your Country Principles . My Lord , this young Lady is a Relation of my Wife 's . ‘ Tis a heavenly one , indeed ! But your Lordship now is become a Pillar of the State ; you must attend the weighty Affairs of the Nation . O , but you 'll find the House will expect your Attendance . But your Friends will take it ill if you do n't attend their particular Causes . Not I , my Lord ; I 'm too fashionable a Husband to pry into the Secrets of my Wife . Hey ; what the Devil , do you affront my Wife , Sir ? Nay then — I hope I ha n't kill 'd the Fool , however —— Bear him up ! Where 's your Wound ? Call a Surgeon there : Unbutton him quickly . This Mischief you may thank yourself for . Pr'ythee do n't stand prating , but look upon his Wound . Why then he 'll bleed to Death , Sir . ‘ Slife , he 's run thro ’ the Guts , I tell thee . Let me see his Wound . Why , thou art the veriest Coxcomb I ever saw . I shall hardly think it worth my prosecuting any farther , so you may be at rest , Sir . Oh , there 's no harm done : You serv 'd him well . O , no matter ; never trouble yourself about that . O , a Trifle : He would have lain with my Wife before my Face , so she oblig 'd him with a Box o'the Ear , and I run him thro ’ the Body : That was all . None at all : He 's fallen into the Hands of a roguish Surgeon , who I perceive designs to frighten a little Money out of him . But I saw his Wound , ‘ tis nothing ; he may go to the Play to-night , if he pleases . With all my Heart .Tho ’ I cou 'd wish , methinks , to stay and gaze a little longer on that Creature . Good God ! How beautiful she is !— But what have I to do with Beauty ? I have already had my Portion , and must not covet more . Come , Sir , when you please . ~ to ~ Wor . ] I 'll overtake you , Sir : What wou 'd my Dear ? Jealous already , Amanda ? Aside . ] Whate'er her Reason be , I must not tell her true .Why , I confess she 's handsome . But you must not think I slight your Kinswoman , if I own to you , of all the Women who may claim that Character , she is the last wou 'd triumph in my Heart . Now tell me why you ask 'd ? I 'm yours . Is my Wife within ? ‘ Tis well ; leave me . Solus . Sure Fate has yet some Business to be done , Before Amanda 's Heart and mine must rest ; Else , why amongst those Legions of her Sex , Which throng the World , Shou 'd she pick out for her Companion The only one on Earth Whom Nature has endow 'd for her undoing ? Undoing was't , I said —— Who shall undo her ? Is not her Empire fix 'd ? Am I not hers ? Did she not rescue me , a groveling Slave , When , chain 'd and bound by that black Tyrant Vice , I labour 'd in his vilest Drudgery ? Did she not ransom me , and set me free ? Nay , more : When by my Follies sunk To a poor tatter 'd , despicable Beggar , Did she not lift me up to envy 'd Fortune ? Give me herself , and all that she possest ? Without a Thought of more Return , Than what a poor repenting Heart might make her , Ha n't she done this ? And if she has , Am I not strongly bound to love her for it ? To love her — Why , do I not love her then ? By Earth and Heaven , I do ! Nay , I have Demonstration that I do : For I would sacrifice my Life to serve her . Yet hold —— If laying down my Life Be Demonstration of my Love , What is't I feel in favour of Berinthia ? For shou 'd she be in danger , methinks , I cou 'd incline To risk it for her Service too ; and yet I do not love her . How then subsists my Proof ?— — O , I have found it out . What I would do for one , is Demonstration of my Love ; And if I 'd do as much for t'other : it there is Demonstration of my Friendship —— Ay —— it must be so . I find I 'm very much her Friend .— Yet let me ask myself one puzzling Question more : Whence springs this mighty Friendship all at once ? For our Acquaintance is of a later Date . Now Friendship 's said to be a Plant of tedious Growth , its Root compos 'd of tender Fibres , nice in their Taste , cautious in spreading , check 'd with the least Corruption in the Soil , long ere it take , and longer still ere it appear to do so ; whilst mine is in a Moment shot so high , and fix 'd so fast , it seems beyond the Power of Storms to shake it . I doubt it thrives too fast .Enter ~ Berinthia ~. — Ah , she here !— Nay , then take heed , my Heart , for there are Dangers towards . I was debating , Madam , whether I was so or not ; and that was it which made me look so thoughtful . What if the Distemper , I suspect , be in the Mind ? Alas , you undertake you know not what . Nay , I 'll allow you so yet farther : For I have reason to believe , shou 'd I put myself into your Hands , you wou 'd increase my Distemper . Were I but sure of that , I 'd quickly lay my Case before you . O , a very great one . You might betray my Distemper to my Wife . Will you then keep my Secret ? Swear . By what ? That 's swearing by my Deity . Do it by your own , or I sha n't believe you . I 'm satisfy 'd . Now hear my Symptoms , and give me your Advice . The first were these : When ‘ twas my Chance to see you at the Play , A random Glance you threw , at first alarm 'd me , I cou 'd not turn my Eyes from whence the Danger came : I gaz 'd upon you , till you shot again , And then my Fears came on me . My Heart began to pant , my Limbs to tremble , My Blood grew thin , my Pulse beat quick , My Eyes grew hot and dim , and all the Frame of Nature Shook with Apprehension . ‘ Tis true , some small Recruits of Resolution My Manhood brought to my Assistance , And by their Help I made a Stand a while , But found at last your Arrows flew so thick , They cou 'd not fail to pierce me ; So left the Field , And fled for shelter to Amanda 's Arms . What think you of these Symptoms , pray ? Why , instantly she let me Blood , which for the present much assuag 'd my Flame . But when I saw you , out it burst again , and rag 'd with greater Fury than before . Nay , since you now appear , ‘ tis so increas 'd , that in a Moment , if you do not help me , I shall , whilst you look on , consume to Ashes . Then we 'll die together , my charming Angel . Tell her I 'm coming . In Matters of Love , a Woman 's Oath is no more to be minded than a Man 's . So , thus for all 's well . I 'm got into her Bed-Chamber , and I think nobody has perceiv 'd me steal into the House ; my Wife do n't expect me home till four o'Clock ; so if Berinthia comes to Bed by eleven , I shall have a Chace of five Hours . Let me see , where shall I hide myself ? Under her Bed ? No ; we shall have her Maid searching there for something or other ; her Closet 's a better place , and I have a Master-Key will open it : I 'll e'en in there , and attack her just when she comes to her Prayers , that 's the most like to prove her critical Minute ; for then the Devil will be there to assist me . Peace , my Dear ; it 's no Ghost , take it in your Arms , you 'll find ‘ tis worth a hundred of ‘ em . Is the Coast clear ? I am very well pleas 'd with my Trick thus far , and shall be so till I have play 'd it out , if it be n't your Fault : where 's my Wife ? With whom ? Then we are safe enough . And they 'd be in the right o n't too . But I dare trust mine :—— Besides , I know he 's in love in another place , and he 's not one of those who court half a dozen at a time . What says Amanda to my staying abroad so late ? Then I 'm afraid they 'll quarrel at Play , and soon throw up the Cards :Therefore , my dear charming Angel , let us make good use of our time . Pray what do you think I mean ? I 'll shew you . No , that wou 'd make you blush worse than t'other . Faith , I can n't tell that ; but if I do , it shall be in the dark . I 'll try that . You 'll do as well without it . Come into the Closet , Madam , there 's Moonshine upon the Couch . Then you must be carried . You need not fear , Sir , I 'm too fond of my own Wife , to have the least Inclination for yours . Madam . Madam , I saw ‘ em all go into the Tavern together , and my Master was so drunk he cou 'd scarce stand . O Lord , Madam , here 's my Master just staggering in upon you ; he has been quarrelsome yonder , and they have kick 'd him out of the Company .