Another lecture ? Communist Anarchists , I think . Yes . Tower Hamlets Radical Club . English Land Restoration League . Guild of St. Matthew on Monday . Independent Labor Party , Greenwich Branch , on Thursday . Monday , Social-Democratic Federation , Mile End Branch . Thursday , first Confirmation class —Oh , I 'd better tell them you can n't come . They 're only half a dozen ignorant and conceited costermongers without five shillings between them . Relatives of YOURS ! Oh , is that all ? Engaged — the Fabian Society . City dinner . You 're invited to dine with the Founder 's Company . Miss Garnett , if you please . You 've got to do all the work to-day . Never mind why . It will do you good to earn your supper before you eat it , for once in a way , as I do . Come : do n't dawdle . You should have been off on your rounds half an hour ago . Oh , a man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her . Candida here , and Candida there , and Candida everywhere !It 's enough to drive anyone out of their SENSESto hear a perfectly commonplace woman raved about in that absurd manner merely because she 's got good hair , and a tolerable figure . Her eyes are not a bit better than mine — now !And you know very well that you think me dowdy and second rate enough . Thank you . That 's very nice and comforting . I have no feeling against her . She 's very nice , very good-hearted : I 'm very fond of her and can appreciate her real qualities far better than any man can .You do n't believe me ?You think I 'm jealous . Oh , what a profound knowledge of the human heart you have , Mr. Lexy Mill ! How well you know the weaknesses of Woman , do n't you ? It must be so nice to be a man and have a fine penetrating intellect instead of mere emotions like us , and to know that the reason we do n't share your amorous delusions is that we 're all jealous of one another ! Where did you hear Morell say that ? You did n't invent it yourself : you 're not clever enough . Well , when you talk to me , give me your own ideas , such as they are , and not his . You never cut a poorer figure than when you are trying to imitate him . Yes , you do : you IMITATE him . Why do you tuck your umbrella under your left arm instead of carrying it in your hand like anyone else ? Why do you walk with your chin stuck out before you , hurrying along with that eager look in your eyes — you , who never get up before half past nine in the morning ? Why do you say “ knoaledge ” in church , though you always say “ knolledge ” in private conversation ! Bah ! do you think I do n't know ?Here , come and set about your work : we 've wasted enough time for one morning . Here 's a copy of the diary for to-day . He 's upstairs . I 'll fetch him for you . No . Bother ! You 've been meddling with my typewriter , Mr. Marchbanks ; and there 's not the least use in your trying to look as if you had n't . Well , you 've made this key stick . Oh , now I understand .I suppose you thought it was a sort of barrel-organ . Nothing to do but turn the handle , and it would write a beautiful love letter for you straight off , eh ? How do I know ? Why do you ask me ? Mr. Marchbanks ! I have n't any love affairs . How dare you say such a thing ? Certainly I am not shy . What do you mean ? , Well , upon my word ! Like me ! Pray , are you flattering me or flattering yourself ? I do n't feel quite sure which . Wicked people get over that shyness occasionally , do n't they ? Look here : if you do n't stop talking like this , I 'll leave the room , Mr. Marchbanks : I really will . It 's not proper . Talk about indifferent things , talk about the weather . I suppose not . Then hold your tongue . Oh , it 's no use trying to work while you talk like that .It 's no business of yours , whether my heart cries or not ; but I have a mind to tell you , for all that . But mind : if you ever say I said so , I 'll deny it . HIM ! Who ? Mr . Mill !!! A fine man to break my heart about , indeed ! I 'd rather have you than Mr. Mill . Oh , do n't be frightened : it 's not you . It 's not any one particular person . Anybody that offered ! No , I do not . What do you take me for ? Oh , well , if you want original conversation , you 'd better go and talk to yourself . Wait until Mr. Morell comes . HE 'LL talk to you .Oh , you need n't make wry faces over him : he can talk better than you .He 'd talk your little head off . What do you understand ? Well ! ! I simply do n't know what you 're talking about . I do n't understand you . Oh ! Yes .Whatever is the matter with you !Praise heaven , here 's somebody ! He 'll be all right now that he has the advantage of YOUR polished conversation : that 's one comfort , anyhow . Did you ever see worse manners , Mr. Marchbanks ? It 's well you and I are not ladies and gentlemen : I 'd talk to you pretty straight if Mr. Marchbanks was n't here .There , now I 've spoiled this letter — have to be done all over again . Oh , I can n't contain myself — silly old fathead ! I — Oh , did n't I though , just ! That 's for me . Yes , Mr. Morell . Reply paid . The boy 's waiting .Maria is ready for you now in the kitchen , Mrs. Morell .The onions have come . Used you to make the fairy stories up out of your own head ? I should never have supposed you had it in you . By the way , I 'd better warn you , since you 've taken such a fancy to Mr. Marchbanks . He 's mad . Mad as a March hare . He did frighten me , I can tell you just before you came in that time . Have n't you noticed the queer things he says ? Yes , what a dreadful thing it would be if anything happened to YOU ! Oh ! I — Yes , Mr. Morell . Coming . What is it , Mr. Morell ? Do n't they expect you ? Oh , I was n't minding you : I was trying to make notes . Much too fast . You know I can n't do more than a hundred words a minute . We had champagne ! I never tasted it before . I feel quite giddy . Yes , I do . I 'm only a beer teetotaller , not a champagne teetotaller . I do n't like beer . Are there any letters for me to answer , Mr. Morell ? Very well . Good-night , everybody . No , thank you . I sha n't trust myself with anybody to-night . I wish I had n't taken any of that stuff .