Believe ‘ t , I will . Sirrah , I 'll strip you — Rogue , rogue ! — out of all your sleights . Sirrah — You most notorious whelp , you insolent slave , Dare you do this ? Why , who Am I , my mungrel ? who am I ? Speak lower , rogue . Will you be so loud ? By your means , doctor dog ! Why , I pray you , have I Been countenanced by you , or you by me ? Do but collect , sir , where I met you first . Not of this , I think it . But I shall put you in mind , sir ; — at Pie-corner , Taking your meal of steam in , from cooks ’ stalls , Where , like the father of hunger , you did walk Piteously costive , with your pinch'dhYpppHeNhornhYpppHeNnose , And your complexion of the Roman wash , Stuck full of black and melancholic worms , Like powder corns shot at the artillery-yard . When you went pinn 'd up in the several rags You had raked and pick 'd from dunghills , before day ; Your feet in mouldy slippers , for your kibes ; A felt of rug , and a thin threaden cloke , That scarce would cover your no buttocks — When all your alchemy , and your algebra , Your minerals , vegetals , and animals , Your conjuring , cozening , and your dozen of trades , Could not relieve your corps with so much linen Would make you tinder , but to see a fire ; I gave you countenance , credit for your coals , Your stills , your glasses , your materials ; Built you a furnace , drew you customers , Advanced all your black arts ; lent you , beside , A house to practise in — Where you have studied the more thriving skill Of bawdry since . You might talk softlier , rascal . The place has made you valiant . Sirrah — I shall turn desperate , if you grow thus loud . Hang thee , collier , And all thy pots , and pans , in picture , I will , Since thou hast moved me — Write thee up bawd in Paul 's , have all thy tricks Of cozening with a hollow cole , dust , scrapings , Searching for things lost , with a sieve and sheers , Erecting figures in your rows of houses , And taking in of shadows with a glass , Told in red letters ; and a face cut for thee , Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey 's . I will have A book , but barely reckoning thy impostures , Shall prove a true philosopher 's stone to printers . Out , you dog-leech ! The vomit of all prisons — Still spew 'd out For lying too heavy on the basket . Bawd ! Conjurer ! Witch ! Away , this brach ! I 'll bring thee , rogue , within The statute of sorcery , tricesimo tertio Of Harry the Eighth : ay , and perhaps thy neck Within a noose , for laundring gold and barbing it . ‘ Tis his fault ; He ever murmurs , and objects his pains , And says , the weight of all lies upon him . ‘ Slid , prove to-day , who shall shark best . For which at supper , thou shalt sit in triumph , And not be styled Dol Common , but Dol Proper , Dol Singular : the longest cut at night , Shall draw thee for his Doll Particular . O , fear not him . While there dies one a week O ’ the plague , he 's safe , from thinking toward London . Beside , he 's busy at his hop-yards now ; I had a letter from him . If he do , He 'll send such word , for airing of the house , As you shall have sufficient time to quit it : Though we break up a fortnight , ‘ tis no matter . O , My lawyer 's clerk , I lighted on last night , In Holborn , at the Dagger . He would have a familiar , To rifle with at horses , and win cups . Get you Your robes on : I will meet him as going out . Not be seen ; away ! Seem you very reserv 'd . God be wi ’ you , sir , I pray you let him know that I was here : His name is Dapper . I would gladly have staid , but — Who 's that ? — He 's come , I think , doctor . Good faith , sir , I was going away . But I thought Sure I should meet you . This is his worship . Yes . Ay . Faith , he does make the matter , sir , so dainty I know not what to say . Would I were fairly rid of it , believe me . I cannot think you will , sir . But the law Is such a thing — and then he says , Read 's matter Falling so lately . It was a clerk , sir . Nay , hear me , sir . You know the law Better , I think — You did so . What 's that ? I 'll tell the doctor so . Come , noble doctor , pray thee let 's prevail ; This is the gentleman , and he is no chiaus . Tut , do not say so . You deal now with a noble fellow , doctor , One that will thank you richly ; and he is no chiaus : Let that , sir , move you . He has Four angels here . Doctor , wherein ? to tempt you with these spirits ? I draw you ! a horse draw you , and a halter , You , and your flies together — That know no difference of men . Good deeds , sir , doctor dogs-meat . ‘ Slight , I bring you No cheating Clim o ’ the Cloughs or Claribels , That look as big as five-and-fifty , and flush ; And spit out secrets like hot custard — Nor any melancholic under-scribe , Shall tell the vicar ; but a special gentle , That is the heir to forty marks a year , Consorts with the small poets of the time , Is the sole hope of his old grandmother ; That knows the law , and writes you six fair hands , Is a fine clerk , and has his cyphering perfect . Will take his oath o ’ the Greek Testament , If need be , in his pocket ; and can court His mistress out of Ovid . Did you not tell me so ? Hang him , proud stag , with his broad velvet head ! — But for your sake , I 'd choak , ere I would change An article of breath with such a puckfist : Come , let 's be gone . I am sorry I e'er embark 'd myself in such a business . Will he take then ? Not a syllable , ‘ less you take . Upon no terms but an assumpsit . Why now , sir , talk . Now I dare hear you with mine honour . Speak . So may this gentleman too . No whispering . Wherein ? for what ? How ! You are mistaken , doctor . Why he does ask one but for cups and horses , A rifling fly ; none of your great familiars . ‘ Slight , that is a new business ! I understood you , a tame bird , to fly Twice in a term , or so , on Friday nights , When you had left the office , for a nag Of forty or fifty shillings . Why , this changes quite the case . Do you think that I dare move him ? What ! for that money ? I cannot with my conscience ; nor should you Make the request , methinks . Why then , sir , I 'll try . — Say that it were for all games , doctor . Indeed ! Speak you this from art ? What ! is he ? What ? Will he win at cards too ? A strange success , that some man shall be born to . Faith , I have confidence in his good nature : You hear , he says he will not be ingrateful . Troth , do it , doctor ; think him trusty , and make him . He may make us both happy in an hour ; Win some five thousand pound , and send us two o n't . And you shall , sir . You have heard all ? Nothing ! Well , a rare star Reign 'd at your birth . The doctor Swears that you are — Allied to the queen of Fairy . Yes , and that You were born with a cawl on your head . Come , You know it well enough , though you dissemble it . How ! Swear by your fac , and in a thing so known Unto the doctor ? How shall we , sir , trust you In the other matter ? can we ever think , When you have won five or six thousand pound , You 'll send us shares i n't , by this rate ? Go to . Go thank the doctor : he 's your friend , To take it so . So ! Another angel . Must you ! ‘ slight , What else is thanks ? will you be trivial ? — Doctor , When must he come for his familiar ? Not , if she danced , to-night . Did you never see Her royal grace yet ? Your aunt of Fairy ? Well , see her grace , Whate'er it cost you , for a thing that I know . It will be somewhat hard to compass ; but However , see her . You are made , believe it , If you can see her . Her grace is a lone woman , And very rich ; and if she take a fancy , She will do strange things . See her , at any hand . ‘ Slid , she may hap to leave you all she has : It is the doctor 's fear . Let me alone , take you no thought . Do you But say to me , captain , I 'll see her grace . Enough . Can you remember this ? Well then , away . It is but your bestowing Some twenty nobles ‘ mong her grace 's servants , And put on a clean shirt : you do not know What grace her grace may do you in clean linen . What ! my honest Abel ? Though art well met here . He shall do any thing . — Doctor , do you hear ? This is my friend , Abel , an honest fellow ; He lets me have good tobacco , and he does not Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil , Nor washes it in muscadel and grains , Nor buries it in gravel , under ground , Wrapp 'd up in greasy leather , or piss 'd clouts : But keeps it in fine lily pots , that , open 'd , Smell like conserve of roses , or French beans . He has his maple block , his silver tongs , Winchester pipes , and fire of Juniper : A neat , spruce , honest fellow , and no goldsmith . Already , sir , have you found it ? Lo thee , Abel ! Sir ! What , and so little beard ? ‘ Slid , doctor , how canst thou know this so soon ? I am amused at that ! Which finger 's that ? Why , this is strange ! Is it not , honest Nab ? That 's a secret , Nab ! Why , how now , Abel ! is this true ? Nay , I 'll not counsel thee . Thou hear'st what wealth Thou'rt like to come to . A crown ! and toward such a fortune ? heart , Thou shalt rather gi ’ him thy shop . No gold about thee ? Out on thee , Nab ! ‘ Slight , there was such an offer — Shalt keep't no longer , I 'll give't him for thee . Doctor , Nab prays your worship to drink this , and swears He will appear more grateful , as your skill Does raise him in the world . What is't , Nab ? That he shall , Nab : Leave it , it shall be done , ‘ gainst afternoon . Now , Nab , Art thou well pleased , Nab ? Away . Why , now , you smoaky persecutor of nature ! Now do you see , that something 's to be done , Beside your beech-coal , and your corsive waters , Your crosslets , crucibles , and cucurbites ? You must have stuff brought home to you , to work on : And yet you think , I am at no expense In searching out these veins , then following them , Then trying them out . ‘ Fore God , my intelligence Costs me more money , than my share oft comes to , In these rare works . Sir , he 'll come to you by and by . The evening will set red upon you , sir ; You have colour for it , crimson : the red ferment Has done his office ; three hours hence prepare you To see projection . Like a wench with child , sir , That were but now discover 'd to her master . No , sir ! buy The covering off o ’ churches . Yes . Let them stand bare , as do their auditory ; Or cap them , new , with shingles . I have blown , sir , Hard for your worship ; thrown by many a coal , When ‘ twas not beech ; weigh 'd those I put in , just , To keep your heat still even ; these blear 'd eyes Have wak 'd to read your several colours , sir , Of the pale citron , the green lion , the crow , The peacock 's tail , the plumed swan . Yes , sir . At his prayers , sir , he ; Good man , he 's doing his devotions For the success . Good , sir . Yes , sir . Both blood and spirit , sir . And I shall carry it ? Sir , I 'll go look A little , how it heightens . Anon , sir . Yes , sir . Which ? on D , sir ? Whitish . I will , sir . Sir , please you , Shall I not change the filter ? The ground black , sir . Yes , sir , and then married them , And put them in a bolt'shYpppHeNhead nipp 'd to digestion , According as you bade me , when I set The liquor of Mars to circulation In the same heat . Yes , by the token , sir , the retort brake , And what was saved was put into the pellican , And sign 'd with Hermes ’ seal . Yes , sir , He 's ripe for inceration , he stands warm , In his ash-fire . I would not you should let Any die now , if I might counsel , sir , For luck 's sake to the rest : it is not good . Nay , I know't , sir , I have seen the ill fortune . What is some three ounces Of fresh materials ? No more , sir . Of gold , t'amalgame with some six of mercury . Ask him , sir . Yes , sir . Ay . Sir . Wherein , sir ? ‘ Twas not my fault , sir ; she would speak with you . I dare not , sir . A lord 's sister , sir . She 's mad , sir , and sent hither — He 'll be mad too . — Sir , to be cured . Lo you ! — Here , sir ! Softly , sir ; speak softly . I meant To have told your worship all . This must not hear . You are very right , sir , she is a most rare scholar , And is gone mad with studying Broughton 's works . If you but name a word touching the Hebrew , She falls into her fit , and will discourse So learnedly of genealogies , As you would run mad too , to hear her , sir . O divers have run mad upon the conference : I do not know , sir . I am sent in haste , To fetch a vial . I dare not , in good faith . He is extreme angry that you saw her , sir . O , the most affablest creature , sir ! so merry ! So pleasant ! she 'll mount you up , like quicksilver , Over the helm ; and circulate like oil , A very vegetal : discourse of state , Of mathematics , bawdry , any thing — I 'll come to you again , sir . Here 's one from Captain Face , sir ,Desires you meet him in the Temple-church , Some half-hour hence , and upon earnest business . Sir ,if you please to quit us , now ; and come Again within two hours , you shall have My master busy examining o ’ the works ; And I will steal you in , unto the party , That you may see her converse . — Sir , shall I say , You 'll meet the captain 's worship ? Sir , he does pray , you 'll not forget . But do so , good sir , to avoid suspicion . This gentleman has a parlous head . As my life , sir . O , what else , sir ? And that you 'll make her royal with the stone , An empress ; and yourself , King of Bantam . Will I , sir ! Send your stuff , sir , that my master May busy himself about projection . Your jack , and all , sir . Not I , sir ! Away , sir . Good , sir , go . And swallowed , too , my Subtle . I have given him line , and now he plays , i'faith . Thorough both the gills . A wench is a rare bait , with which a man No sooner 's taken , but he straight firks mad . Well said , sanguine ! His jack too , And 's iron shoeing-horn ; I have spoke to him . Well , I must not lose my wary gamester yonder . Ay , If I can strike a fine hook into him , now ! The Temple-church , there I have cast mine angle . Well , pray for me . I 'll about it . Sir ! Yes , sir . And save the ground ? Sir , putrefaction , Solution , ablution , sublimation , Cohobation , calcination , ceration , and Fixation . After mortification . ‘ Tis the pouring on Your aqua regis , and then drawing him off , To the trine circle of the seven spheres . Malleation . Antimonium . A very fugitive , he will be gone , sir . By his viscosity , His oleosity , and his suscitability . With the calce of egg-shells , White marble , talc . Shifting , sir , your elements , Dry into cold , cold into moist , moist into hot , Hot into dry . ‘ Tis a stone , And not a stone ; a spirit , a soul , and a body : Which if you do dissolve , it is dissolved ; If you coagulate , it is coagulated ; If you make it to fly , it flieth . He is busy with his spirits , but we 'll upon him . I told you , he would be furious . — Sir , here 's Nab , Has brought you another piece of gold to look on : — We must appease him . Give it me , — and prays you , You would devise — what is it , Nab ? Ay , a good lucky one , a thriving sign , doctor . ‘ Slight , do not say so , He will repent he gave you any more — What say you to his constellation , doctor , The Balance ? Nab ! Abel , thou art made . Six o ’ thy legs more will not do it , Nab . He has brought you a pipe of tobacco , doctor . Out with it , Nab . Good ! a bona roba ? Very good , Abel . No matter , Abel . What ! dost thou deal , Nab ? Good— On , Nab . Ods lid , Nab , send her to the doctor , hither . Hurt it ! ‘ tis the way To heal it , if ‘ twere hurt ; to make it more Follow 'd and sought : Nab , thou shalt tell her this . She 'll be more known , more talk 'd of ; and your widows Are ne'er of any price till they be famous ; Their honour is their multitude of suitors . Send her , it may be thy good fortune . What ! Thou dost not know . What ! and dost thou despair , my little Nab , Knowing what the doctor has set down for thee , And seeing so many of the city dubb 'd ? One glass o ’ thy water , with a madam I know , Will have it done , Nab : what 's her brother , a knight ? How ! to quarrel ? ‘ Slid , Nab , the doctor is the only man In Christendom for him . He has made a table , With mathematical demonstrations , Touching the art of quarrels : he will give him An instrument to quarrel by . Go , bring them both , Him and his sister . And , for thee , with her The doctor happ'ly may persuade . Go to : ‘ Shalt give his worship a new damask suit Upon the premises . He shall ; He is the honestest fellow , doctor . — Stay not , No offers ; bring the damask , and the parties . And thy will too , Nab . He 'll send you a pound , doctor . He will do't . It is the goodest soul ! — Abel , about it . Thou shalt know more anon . Away , be gone . A miserable rogue , and lives with cheese , And has the worms . That was the cause , indeed , Why he came now : he dealt with me in private , To get a med'cine for them . A wife , a wife for one on us , my dear Subtle ! We 'll e'en draw lots , and he that fails , shall have The more in goods , the other has in tail . Ay , or be such a burden , A man would scarce endure her for the whole . Content : but Dol must have no breath o n't . ‘ Pray God I have not staid too long . Good pox ! yond ’ costive cheater Never came on . I have walk 'd the round Till now , and no such thing . Quit him ! an hell would quit him too , he were happy . ‘ Slight ! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade , All day , for one that will not yield us grains ? I know him of old . Let him go , black boy ! And turn thee , that some fresh news may possess thee . A noble count , a don of Spain , my dear Delicious compeer , and my party-bawd , Who is come hither private for his conscience , And brought munition with him , six great slops , Bigger than three Dutch hoys , beside round trunks , Furnished with pistolets , and pieces of eight , Will straight be here , my rogue , to have thy bath , and to make his battery Upon our Dol , our castle , our cinque-port , Our Dover pier , our what thou wilt . Where is she ? She must prepare perfumes , delicate linen , The bath in chief , a banquet , and her wit , For she must milk his epididimis . Where is the doxy ? Are they within then ? How much ? Why , this is a lucky day . Ten pounds of Mammon ! Three of my clerk ! A portague of my grocer ! This of the brethren ! beside reversions , And states to come in the widow , and my count ! My share to-day will not be bought for forty — Pounds , dainty Dorothy ! art thou so near ? As with the few that had entrench 'd themselves Safe , by their discipline , against a world , Dol , And laugh 'd within those trenches , and grew fat With thinking on the booties , Dol , brought in Daily by their small parties . This dear hour , A doughty don is taken with my Dol ; And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt , My Dousabel ; he shall be brought here fetter 'd With thy fair looks , before he sees thee ; and thrown In a down-bed , as dark as any dungeon ; Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum ; Thy drum , my Dol , thy drum ; till he be tame As the poor black-birds were in the great frost , Or bees are with a bason ; and so hive him In the swan-skin coverlid , and cambric sheets , Till he work honey and wax , my little God'shYpppHeNgift . An adalantado , A grandee , girl . Was not my Dapper here yet ? Nor my Drugger ? A pox on ‘ em , They are so long a furnishing ! such stinkards Would not be seen upon these festival days . — How now ! have you done ? ‘ Slid , Nab shall do't against he have the widow , To furnish household . I pray he keep away Till our new business be o'erpast . A spirit Brought me th ’ intelligence in a paper here , As I was conjuring yonder in my circle For Surly ; I have my flies abroad . Your bath Is famous , Subtle , by my means . Sweet Dol , You must go tune your virginal , no losing O ’ the least time : and , do you hear ? good action . Firk , like a flounder ; kiss , like a scallop , close ; And tickle him with thy mother tongue . His great Verdugoship has not a jot of language ; So much the easier to be cozen 'd , my Dolly . He will come here in a hired coach , obscure , And our own coachman , whom I have sent as guide , No creature else . Who 's that ? O no , not yet this hour . God 's will then , queen of Fairy , On with your tire ;and , doctor , with your robes . Let 's dispatch him for God 's sake . I warrant you , take but the cues I give you , It shall be brief enough . ‘ Slight , here are more ! Abel , and I think the angry boy , the heir , That fain would quarrel . No , Not that I see . Away ! O sir , you are welcome . The doctor is within a moving for you ; I have had the most ado to win him to it ! — He swears you 'll be the darling of the dice : He never heard her highness dote till now . Your aunt has given you the most gracious words That can be thought on . See her , and kiss her too . — What , honest Nab ! Hast brought the damask ? ‘ Tis well done , Nab ; thou'lt bring the damask too ? Where 's the widow ? O , is it so ? good time . Is your name Kastril , sir ? Wherein , sir ? It seems , sir , you are but young About the town , that can make that a question . Sir , for the duello , The doctor , I assure you , shall inform you , To the least shadow of a hair ; and shew you An instrument he has of his own making , Wherewith no sooner shall you make report Of any quarrel , but he will take the height o n't Most instantly , and tell in what degree Of safety it lies in , or mortality . And how it may be borne , whether in a right line , Or a half circle ; or may else be cast Into an angle blunt , if not acute : And this he will demonstrate . And then , rules To give and take the lie by . Yes , in oblique he 'll shew you , or in circle ; But never in diameter . The whole town Study his theorems , and dispute them ordinarily At the eating academies . Anything whatever . You cannot think that subtlety , but he reads it . He made me a captain . I was a stark pimp , Just of your standing , ‘ fore I met with him ; It is not two months since . I 'll tell you his method : First , he will enter you at some ordinary . For why , sir ? Why , would you be A gallant , and not game ? Spend you ! it will repair you when you are spent : How do they live by their wits there , that have vented Six times your fortunes ? Ay , forty thousand . Ay , sir , And gallants yet . Here 's a young gentleman Is born to nothing , —forty marks a year , Which I count nothing : — he is to be initiated , And have a fly of the doctor . He will win you , By unresistible luck , within this fortnight , Enough to buy a barony . They will set him Upmost , at the groom porter 's , all the Christmas : And for the whole year through , at every place , Where there is play , present him with the chair ; The best attendance , the best drink ; sometimes Two glasses of Canary , and pay nothing ; The purest linen , and the sharpest knife , The partridge next his trencher : and somewhere The dainty bed , in private , with the dainty . You shall have your ordinaries bid for him , As play-houses for a poet ; and the master Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects , Which must be butter 'd shrimps : and those that drink To no mouth else , will drink to his , as being The goodly president mouth of all the board . ‘ Ods my life ! do you think it ? You shall have a cast commander , Will , by most swift posts , dealing with him , Arrive at competent means to keep himself , His punk and naked boy , in excellent fashion , And be admired for't . He will do more , sir : when your land is gone , As men of spirit hate to keep earth long , In a vacation , when small money is stirring , And ordinaries suspended till the term , He 'll shew a perspective , where on one side You shall behold the faces and the persons Of all sufficient young heirs in town , Whose bonds are current for commodity ; On th ’ other side , the merchants ’ forms , and others , That without help of any second broker , Who would expect a share , will trust such parcels : In the third square , the very street and sign Where the commodity dwells , and does but wait To be deliver 'd , be it pepper , soap , Hops , or tobacco , oatmeal , woad , or cheeses . All which you may so handle , to enjoy To your own use , and never stand obliged . Why , Nab here knows him . And then for making matches for rich widows , Young gentlewomen , heirs , the fortunat'st man ! He 's sent to , far and near , all over England , To have his counsel , and to know their fortunes . I 'll tell you , sir , What he did tell me of Nab . It 's a strange thing : — By the way , you must eat no cheese , Nab , it breeds melancholy , And that same melancholy breeds worms ; but pass it : — He told me , honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern But once in 's life ! And then he was so sick — How should I know it ? And he has no head To bear any wine ; for what with the noise of the fidlers , And care of his shop , for he dares keep no servants — And he was fain to be brought home , The doctor told me : and then a good old woman — Ay , that was with the grief Thou took'st for being cess 'd at eighteen-pence , For the water-work . Thy hair went off ? Nay , so says the doctor . Sir , he is busy now : But if you have a sister to fetch hither , Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner ; And he by that time will be free . Drugger , she 's thine : the damask ! — Subtle and I Must wrestle for her . — Come on , master Dapper , You see how I turn clients here away , To give your cause dispatch ; have you perform 'd The ceremonies were enjoin 'd you ? ‘ Tis well : that shirt may do you More worship than you think . Your aunt 's a-fire , But that she will not shew it , t ’ have a sight of you . Have you provided for her grace 's servants ? Good ! Very good ! O , you are too just . I would you had had the other noble in Maries . Ay , those same Are best of all : where are they ? Hark , the doctor . He is come . Yes . Thrice , you must answer . If you have , say . She need not doubt him , sir . Alas , he has nothing , But what he will part withal as willingly , Upon her grace 's word — throw away your purse — As she would ask it ; — handkerchiefs and all — She cannot bid that thing , but he 'll obey . — If you have a ring about you , cast it off , Or a silver seal at your wrist ; her grace will send Her fairies here to search you , therefore deal Directly with her highness : if they find That you conceal a mite , you are undone . All what ? Keep nothing that is transitory about you . Bid Dol play music . — Look , the elves are come . To pinch you , if you tell not truth . Advise you . Ti , ti . They knew't , they say . Ti , ti-ti-ti . In the other pocket . Nay , pray you , hold : he is her grace 's nephew , Ti , ti , ti ? What care you ? good faith , you shall care . — Deal plainly , sir , and shame the fairies . Shew You are innocent . I thought ‘ twas something . And would you incur Your aunt 's displeasure for these trifles ? Come , I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns . You may wear your leaden heart still . — How now ! ‘ Ods lid , we never thought of him till now ! Where is he ? O , by no means . What shall we do with this same puffin here , Now he 's on the spit ? Who 's there ? sir Epicure , My master 's in the way . Please you to walk Three or four turns , but till his back be turned , And I am for you . — Quickly , Dol ! Sir , he shall Hold out , an ‘ twere this two hours , for her highness ; I can assure you that . We will not lose All we have done . — For that we 'll put , sir , A stay in 's mouth . Of gingerbread . Make you it fit . He that hath pleas 'd her grace Thus far , shall not now crincle for a little . — Gape , sir , and let him fit you . Are they perfumed , and his bath ready ? Sir Epicure , I am yours , sir , by and by . O sir , you 're come in the only finest time . — Now preparing for projection , sir . Your stuff will be all changed shortly . To gold and silver , sir . Yes , sir , a little to give beggars . At hand here . I have told her such brave things of you , Touching your bounty , and your noble spirit — As she is almost in her fit to see you . But , good sir , no divinity in your conference , For fear of putting her in rage . — Six men will not hold her down : and then , If the old man should hear or see you — The very house , sir , would run mad . You know it , How scrupulous he is , and violent , ‘ Gainst the least act of sin . Physic , or mathematics , Poetry , state , or bawdry , as I told you , She will endure , and never startle ; but No word of controversy . And you must praise her house , remember that , And her nobility . Why , this is yet A kind of modern happiness , to have Dol Common for a great lady . To him , Dol , suckle him . — This is the noble knight , I told your ladyship — Well said , my Guinea bird . O , we shall have most fierce idolatry . Very like ! Her father was an Irish costermonger . I 'll be sworn , I heard it . I 'll in , and laugh . Sir , you are too loud . I hear you every word Into the laboratory . Some fitter place ; The garden , or great chamber above . How like you her ? But do you hear ? Good sir , beware , no mention of the rabbins . O , it is well , sir . — Subtle ! Dost thou not laugh ? All 's clear . And your quarrelling disciple ? I must to my captainship again then . So I meant . What is she ? A bonnibel ? We 'll draw lots : You 'll stand to that ? O , for a suit , To fall now like a curtain , flap ! You 'll have the first kiss , ‘ cause I am not ready . Who would you speak with ? Gone , sir , About some business . He 'll return straight . But master doctor , his lieutenant , is here . Good master Kastril ! Is this your sister ? I shall be proud to know you , lady . The count is come . At the door . What will you do With these the while ? ‘ Fore God , She is a delicate dab-chick ! I must have her . Where are you , doctor ? I will have this same widow , now I have seen her , On any composition . Have you disposed of them ? Subtle , in troth , I needs must have this widow . Nay , but hear me . Nay , thou art so violent now — Do but conceive , Thou art old , and canst not serve — Nay , But understand : I 'll give you composition . Well , sir , I am silent . Will you go help to fetch in Don in state ? Peace , Subtle . Or , what do you say to a collar of brawn , cut down Beneath the souse , and wriggled with a knife ? Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him In d'Alva ' s time ; count Egmont 's bastard . Praises the house , I think ; I know no more but 's action . Cozen 'd , do you see , My worthy Donzel , cozen 'd . Full . Milked , in troth , sweet Don . Of the sennora . ‘ Slid , Subtle , how shall we do ? Why Dol 's employ 'd , you know . Stay ! that he must not by no means . Unless you 'll mar all . ‘ Slight , he will suspect it : And then he will not pay , not half so well . This is a travelled punk-master , and does know All the delays ; a notable hot rascal , And looks already rampant . Mammon ! in no case . Think : you must be sudden . Mi vida ! ‘ Slid , Subtle , he puts me in mind of the widow . What dost thou say to draw her to it , ha ! And tell her ‘ tis her fortune ? all our venture Now lies upo n't . It is but one man more , Which of us chance to have her : and beside , There is no maidenhead to be fear 'd or lost . What dost thou think o n't , Subtle ? The credit of our house too is engaged . O , by that light I 'll not buy now : You know your doom to me . E'en take your lot , obey your chance , sir ; win her , And wear her out , for me . It is the common cause ; therefore bethink you . Dol else must know it , as you said . That 's now no reason , sir . You hear the Don too ? by this air , I call , And loose the hinges : Dol ! Will you then do ? Yes , and I 'll take her too with all her faults , Now I do think o n't better . As you please . Remember now , that upon any change , You never claim her . Come , lady : I knew the Doctor would not leave , Till he had found the very nick of her fortune . Better ! ‘ Slight , make you that a question , lady ? Ask from your courtier , to your inns-of-court-man , To your mere milliner ; they will tell you all , Your Spanish gennet is the best horse ; your Spanish Stoup is the best garb ; your Spanish beard Is the best cut ; your Spanish ruffs are the best Wear ; your Spanish pavin the best dance ; Your Spanish titillation in a glove The best perfume : and for your Spanish pike , And Spanish blade , let your poor captain speak — Here comes the doctor . I have told her all , sir , And her right worshipful brother here , that she shall be A countess ; do not delay them , sir ; a Spanish countess . By this good rush , persuade her , She will cry strawberries else within this twelvemonth . Indeed , sir ! Nay , good sir , Be not so fierce . And kiss 'd , and ruffled ! And then come forth in pomp ! Of keeping all the idolaters of the chamber Barer to her , than at their prayers ! And has her pages , ushers , Footmen , and coaches — Nay , eight ! Yes , and have The citizens gape at her , and praise her tires , And my lord 's goose-turd bands , that ride with her ! It is the count come : The doctor knew he would be here , by his art . Is't not a gallant language that they speak ? No , Spanish , sir . List , sir . He admires your sister . ‘ Tis true he tells you , sir : His art knows all . That he does , sir . O no , sir . Does he not use her bravely ? Nay , he will use her better . Into the garden , sir ; Take you no thought : I must interpret for her . What 's the matter , sir ? Death , sir , We are undone ! My master will hear ! Nay , you must never hope to lay her now . How did you put her into't ? Out of Broughton ! I told you so . ‘ Slid , stop her mouth . She 'll never leave else . If the old man hear her , We are but faeces , ashes . O , we are lost ! Now she hears him , she is quiet . O , sir , we are defeated ! all the works Are flown in fumo , every glass is burst ; Furnace , and all rent down , as if a bolt Of thunder had been driven through the house . Retorts , receivers , pelicans , bolt-heads , All struck in shivers ! Help , good sir ! alas , Coldness and death invades him . Nay , sir Mammon , Do the fair offices of a man ! you stand , As you were readier to depart than he . Who 's there ? my lord her brother is come . His coach is at the door . Avoid his sight , For he 's as furious as his sister 's mad . My brain is quite undone with the fume , sir , I ne'er must hope to be mine own man again . Faith , very little , sir ; A peck of coals or so , which is cold comfort , sir . And so am I , sir . Nay , certainties , sir . Nay , look , sir , You grieve him now with staying in his sight : Good sir , the nobleman will come too , and take you , And that may breed a tragedy . Ay , and repent at home , sir . It may be , For some good penance you may have it yet ; A hundred pound to the box at Bethlem — For the restoring such as — have their wits . I 'll send one to you to receive it . All flown , or stinks , sir . I cannot tell , sir . There will be perhaps , Something about the scraping of the shards , Will cure the itch , — though not your itch of mind , sir . It shall be saved for you , and sent home . Good sir , This way , for fear the lord should meet you . Ay . Yes , and as heavily As all the gold he hoped for were in 's blood . Let us be light though . Now to our don . Good sir . Very well , sir . Will you go fetch Don Diego off , the while ? Why , you can do't as well , if you would set to't . I pray you prove your virtue . How , Surly ! Why , now 's the time , if ever you will quarrel Well , as they say , and be a true-born child : The doctor and your sister both are abused . A very errant rogue , sir , and a cheater , Employ 'd here by another conjurer That does not love the doctor , and would cross him , If he knew how . Well said , sir ! He is The impudent'st rascal — By no means : bid him be gone . There is not such a foist in all the town , The doctor had him presently ; and finds yet , The Spanish count will come here . — Bear up , Subtle . And yet this rogue would come in a disguise , By the temptation of another spirit , To trouble our art , though he could not hurt it ! Do not believe him , sir . He is the lying'st swabber ! Come your ways , sir . Nay , here 's an honest fellow , too , that knows him , And all his tricks . Make good what I say , Abel , This cheater would have cozen 'd thee o ’ the widow . — He owes this honest Drugger here , seven pound , He has had on him , in two-penny'orths of tobacco . And what does he owe for lotium ? Nay , sir , you must quarrel him out o ’ the house . No , sir . Yes , indeed , sir . O , you must follow , sir , and threaten him tame : He 'll turn again else . Drugger , this rogue prevented us for thee : We had determin 'd that thou should'st have come In a Spanish suit , and have carried her so ; and he , A brokerly slave ! goes , puts it on himself . Hast brought the damask ? Thou must borrow A Spanish suit . Hast thou no credit with the players ? I know not , Nab : — Thou shalt , if I can help it . — Hieronimo 's old cloak , ruff , and hat will serve ; I 'll tell thee more when thou bring'st ‘ em . What did he come for ? I conceive . Come , Subtle , Thou art so down upon the least disaster ! How wouldst thou ha ’ done , if I had not help't thee out ? Who would have look 'd it should have been that rascal , Surly ? he had dyed his beard and all . Well , sir . Here 's damask come to make you a suit . He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit ; I 'll be the count , now . Within , with my lord 's sister ; madam Dol Is entertaining her . You will not offer it . Stand to your word , Or — here comes Dol , she knows — Strict for my right . — How now , Dol ! Hast told her , The Spanish count will come ? Who 's that ? She lies , This is some trick . Come , leave your quiblins , Dorothy . ‘ Tis he , by this good day . We are undone , and taken . No : ‘ twas within the walls . Be silent : not a word , if he call or knock . I 'll into mine old shape again and meet him , Of Jeremy , the butler . In the mean time , Do you two pack up all the goods and purchase , That we can carry in the two trunks . I 'll keep him Off for to-day , if I cannot longer : and then At night , I 'll ship you both away to Ratcliff , Where we will meet to-morrow , and there we 'll share . Let Mammon 's brass and pewter keep the cellar ; We 'll have another time for that . But , Dol , ‘ Prythee go heat a little water quickly ; Subtle must shave me : all my captain 's beard Must off , to make me appear smooth Jeremy . You 'll do it ? And not cut my throat , but trim me ? What mean you , sir ? Good sir , come from the door . Yet farther , you are too near yet . The house , sir , has been visited . No , sir , I had it not . Yes , sir , my fellow , The cat that kept the buttery , had it on her A week before I spied it ; but I got her Convey 'd away in the night : and so I shut The house up for a month — Purposing then , sir , To have burnt rose-vinegar , treacle , and tar , And have made it sweet , that you shou 'd ne'er have known it ; Because I knew the news would but afflict you , sir . How , sir ! Sir , Their wisdoms will not say so . They did pass through the doors then , Or walls , I assure their eye-sights , and their spectacles ; For here , sir , are the keys , and here have been , In this my pocket , now above twenty days : And for before , I kept the fort alone there . But that ‘ tis yet not deep in the afternoon , I should believe my neighbours had seen double Through the black pot , and made these apparitions ! For , on my faith to your worship , for these three weeks And upwards the door has not been open 'd . Did you see me at all ? Surly come ! And Mammon made acquainted ! they 'll tell all . How shall I beat them off ? what shall I do ? Nothing 's more wretched than a guilty conscience . What mean you , sir ? Another man 's house ! Here is the owner , sir : turn you to him , And speak your business . The gentleman is distracted , sir ! No lungs , Nor lights have been seen here these three weeks , sir , Within these doors , upon my word . Yes , sir , I am the housekeeper , And know the keys have not been out of my hands . You do mistake the house , sir : What sign was't at ? I cannot tell , sir . I NEI . These are two of the gallants That we do think we saw . Two of the fools ! Your talk as idly as they . Good faith , sir , I think the moon has crazed ‘ em all . — O me , The angry boy come too ! He 'll make a noise , And ne'er away till he have betray 'd us all . Who would you speak with , sir ? Upon my trust , the doors were never open , sir . Ananias too ! And his pastor ! These are all broke loose , Out of St. Katherine 's , where they use to keep The better sort of mad-folks . Peace , you drunkards ! Sir , I wonder at it : please you to give me leave To touch the door , I 'll try an the lock be chang 'd . Good faith , sir , I believe There 's no such thing : ‘ tis all deceptio visus . — Would I could get him away . Our clerk within , that I forgot ! I know not , sir . Ha ! Illusions , some spirit o ’ the air — His gag is melted , And now he sets out the throat . Would you were altogether . Believe it , sir , in the air . Or you will else , you rogue . Dismiss this rabble , sir . — What shall I do ? I am catch 'd . Sir , you were wont to affect mirth and wit — But here 's no place to talk o n't in the street . Give me but leave to make the best of my fortune , And only pardon me the abuse of your house : It 's all I beg . I 'll help you to a widow , In recompence , that you shall give me thanks for , Will make you seven years younger , and a rich one . ‘ Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak : I have her within . You need not fear the house ; It was not visited . It is true , sir . ‘ Pray you forgive me . How now ! is his mouth down ? A pox , I heard him , and you too . — He 's undone then . — I have been fain to say , the house is haunted With spirits , to keep churl back . Sure , for this night . Did you not hear the coil About the door ? Show him his aunt , and let him be dispatch 'd : I 'll send her to you . Have you done there ? Where 's Subtle ? Drugger is at the door , go take his suit , And bid him fetch a parson , presently ; Say , he shall marry the widow . Thou shalt spend A hundred pound by the service ! Now , queen Dol , Have you pack 'd up all ? And how do you like The lady Pliant ? Give me them . Yes ; I 'll come to you presently . What now ! a billing ? Drugger has brought his parson ; take him in , Subtle , And send Nab back again to wash his face . If you can get him . A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by . Is he gone ? I 'll go bestow him . Come , my venturers , You have pack 'd up all ? where be the trunks ? bring forth . Let us see them . Where 's the money ? Mammon 's ten pound ; eight score before : The brethren 's money , this . Drugger 's and Dapper 's . What paper 's that ? If she should have precedence of her mistress ? What box is that ? We 'll wet it to-morrow ; and our silver-beakers And tavern cups . Where be the French petticoats , And girdles and hangers ? Is Drugger 's damask there , And the tobacco ? Give me the keys . ‘ Tis true , you shall not open them , indeed ; Nor have them forth , do you see ? Not forth , Dol . No , my smock rampant . The right is , my master Knows all , has pardon 'd me , and he will keep them ; Doctor , ‘ tis true — you look — for all your figures : I sent for him , indeed . Wherefore , good partners , Both he and she be satisfied ; for here Determines the indenture tripartite ‘ Twixt Subtle , Dol , and Face . All I can do Is to help you over the wall , o ’ the back-side , Or lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown , Dol . Here will be officers presently , bethink you Of some course suddenly to ‘ scape the dock : For thither you will come else . Hark you , thunder . Dol , I am sorry for thee i'faith ; but hear'st thou ? It shall go hard but I will place thee somewhere : Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo — Or madam Caesarean . Subtle , Let 's know where you set up next ; I will send you A customer now and then , for old acquaintance : What new course have you ? Sir , have you done ? Is it a marriage ? perfect ? Off with your ruff and cloak then ; be yourself , sir . Ay , he would have built The city new ; and made a ditch about it Of silver , should have run with cream from Hogsden ; That every Sunday , in Moorfields , the younkers , And tits and tom-boys should have fed on , gratis . If I can hear of him , sir , I 'll bring you word , Unto your lodging ; for in troth , they were strangers To me , I thought them honest as my self , sir . No , this was Abel Drugger . Good sir , go , And satisfy him ; tell him all is done : He staid too long a washing of his face . The doctor , he shall hear of him at West-chester ; And of the captain , tell him , at Yarmouth , or Some good port-town else , lying for a wind . If you can get off the angry child , now , sir — Yes ; but go in and take it , sir . “ So I will , sir . ” “ Gentlemen , My part a little fell in this last scene , Yet ‘ twas decorum . And though I am clean Got off from Subtle , Surly , Mammon , Dol , Hot Ananias , Dapper , Drugger , all With whom I traded : yet I put my self On you , that are my country : and this pelf Which I have got , if you do quit me , rests To feast you often , and invite new guests . ” , appearance .