+ Good morrow , Master Tim . + Not yet , I think ; he heard some ill-news of your brother Alexander last night , that will make him lie an hour extraordinary . + Here was goody Fin , the fishwoman , fetched home her ring last night . + So I did , sir , and washed it first in two waters . + Nay , you are cursed as much as he already . + Yes , yes ; she that dwells in Blackfriars , next to the sign of the Fool laughing at a feather . + Why , so did I too ; but it seems the widow took him at a better hand , and raised him so much the sooner . + More haste the worse speed ; here 's ne'er a clout now . + This ? ‘ tis a sumner 's coat . + O hard-hearted man of grease ! + Why , sir , for ten groats you may make yourself drunk , and so buy a vice outright for half the money . + How long would you have it ? + And if he miss his day , and forfeit , it shall be yours and your heirs for ever . + Your nose drops : ‘ twill spoil her ruff . + An ’ he wonnot , here are those that will , forsooth . + Here 's a gentleman would speak with you . + Alas , sir ! when the drink 's in , the wit 's out ? and none but wise children know their own fathers . + Alas , sir ! he 'll tear and pull out your son 's throat . + ‘ Tis a diamond . + H ’ has turned his stomach , for all the world like a Puritan 's at the sight of a surplice .But your breakfast shall be devoured by a stomach of a stronger constitution , I warrant you . + Worth so much ! I know my master will make dice of them ; then ‘ tis but letting Master Alexander carry them next Christmas to the Temple ,he 'll make a hundred marks a night of them . + My master means the sign of the Devil ;and he cannot hurt you , fool ; there 's a saint holds him by the nose . + What a question 's that ? what does my master and his prayer-book o ’ Sunday both in a pew ? + Why , make a fair show ; and the devil and the saint does no more . + If she be quick , she 's with child ; whosoever got it , you must father it ; so that You come o ’ th ’ nick , For the widow 's quick . There 's a witty poesy for your quick widow . + Why then , ‘ twill smell of the painted cloth . + Is pastime pretty :— put in that for the sport 's sake . + Then will she answer , If you cannot , a younger can .And look , look , sir , now I talk of the younger , yonder 's Ancient Young come over again , that mortgaged sixty pound per annum before he went ; I 'm deceived if he come not a day after the fair . + A prayer-book , sir ? + Look , I beseech thee ; we shall have oatmeal in our pottage six weeks after . + Plumbs in our pudding a Sunday , plumbs in our pudding . + ‘ Twas Ancient Young , sir . + No , sir , you have made him a young ancient . + The better for you ; he thanks you , sir . + A qualm of threescore years come over his stomach , nothing else . + By fire , sir , by fire . + Sir . + The devil himself could not have done't better . + They 're both a-concluding o n't yonder ; to-morrow 's the day ; one wedding-dinner must serve both marriages . + But I say , Master Ear-lack , the old man ! a foot like a bear , a leg like a bed-staff , a hand like a hatchet , an eye like a pig , and a face like a winter peony ;there 's a man for a maidenhead . + What ? why , what shall fifteen do with sixty and twelve ? make a screen of him ; stand next the fire , whilst you sit behind him and keep a friend 's lips warm . Many a wench would be glad of such a fortune . + She must be your wife , I tell —— - + Good sir ! + Why , right , sir ; and then ‘ tis but tickling you o ’ th ’ forehead with her heels , you are awake again , and ne'er the worse man . + I will answer presently , sir , with another saw . + Calf , sir ; sheep 's too simple for me . + I will not save you a cup at that rate , sir . + He 's a little mad . I had best hang him upon the cross-beam in the garret . + ‘ Tis a very dark night , sir ; you 'll not have a cloak for the rain . + Nay , then I 'll let your cloak for the rain alone , and fetch you a cloak for your knavery . + Have you left out anything for supper ? + An old devil in a greasy satin doublet keep you company ! + I say , the satin doublet you will wear to-morrow will be the best in the company , sir . + Nay , you 're well enough served ; you know how your brother , not an hour ago , lay at you to have the Ancient , one that your teeth e'en water at ; and yet you cry , I cannot love him , I wonnot have him . + That 's true : how will you go to bed else ? But , remember , he is a man of war , an ancient , you are his colours : now , when he has nimbly displayed you , and handsomely folded you up against the next fight , then we shall have you cry , O sweet Sim , I had been undone , if I had not been undone . + Abed ! a bawd with two teeth would not mumble bacon so : then he is so sparing , you shall wear nothing but from the broker 's at second-hand ; when , being an ancient 's wife , you shall be sure to flourish . + Well , I leave you to the managing of Ancient Young , while I go in and flap the old man i ’ th ’ mouth with a fox-tail . + Yes , and I can tell you news of a mad lover . + Why , one Master Randalls , a Welshman : I have had such a fit with him ; he says he was wishedto a very wealthy widow ; but of you he has heard such histories , that he will marry you , though he never saw you ; and that the parboiled Ætna of his bosom might be quenched by the consequent pastime in the Prittish flames of his Prittish plood , he salutes you with that love-letter . + Mass , h ’ has writ it in the Welsh-English ; we had been spoiled else for want of an interpreter . But thus he begins :— Mistress Maries — + Ever while you live , ‘ tis your first rule in Welsh grammars —That hur forsake widows , and take maids , was no great wonder , for sentlemen ever love the first cut . + The coxcomb follows by consequence , mark else . I Randall Crack , of Carmarden , do love thee Mary Ploodhounds , of Houndsditch , dwelling near Aldgate , and Pishop'shYpppHeNgate , just as between hawk and buzzard . + And that hur loves Maries so monstrous , yet never saw her , was because hur hear hur in all societies so fery fillanously commended , but specially before one Master Pusy , constables of hur parish , who made hurself half foxed by swearing by the wines , that Maries would be monstrous good marriages for Randalls . + If Maries can love a Pritain of the plood of Cadwallader , which Cadwallader was Prut 's great grandfather , Randalls was come in proper persons , pring round sillings in hur pockets , get father 's goodwill , and go to shurch a Sunday with a whole dozen of Welsh harps before hur . So hur rest hur constant lovers , Randall William ap Thomas , ap Tavy , ap Robert , ap Rice , ap Sheffery , Crack . + Why , he said these all rest your constant lovers , whereof , for manners ’ - sake , he puts himself in the first place . He will call here presently ; will you answer him by letter or word of mouth ? + Will ye not answer the love-sick gentleman ? + Ay , but I 'll have more care of the gentleman , I warrant you : if I do not make myself merry , and startle your midnight meeting , say Sim has no more wit than his godfathers , and they were both head-men of his parish . Enter + Randall +. + Ran .+ Farewell widows prave , her sall no Randalls have . Widows was very full of wiles ; Mary Ploodhounds now , Randalls make a vow , Was run for Moll a couple of miles . Honest Simkins , what said Maries to Randall 's letters ? + You 're a madman . + The old man has money enough for her ; and if you marry her , as , if her project take , you may , she 'll make you more than a man . + Troth , cannot you tell that ? this is the truth o n't ; she would be married to-morrow to one Ancient Young , a fellow she cannot endure : now , she says , if you could meet her privately to-night , between ten and eleven , just at the great cross-way by the Nag 's Head tavern at Leadenhall . + There 's the very place . Now , because you come the welcomest man in the world to hinder the match against her mind with the Ancient , there she will meet you , go with you to your lodging , lie there all night , and be married to you i ’ th ’ morning at the Tower , as soon as you shall please . + Ha , ha , ha ! so , so ; this midnight match shall be mine ; she told me she was to meet the Ancient there . I 'll be sure the Ancient shall meet him there ; so I shall lie abed and laugh , to think , if he meet her there , how she will be startled ; and if the Ancient meet him there , how he will be cudgelled . Beware your ribs , Master Randall . + Come , John , carry your hand steadily ; the guests drop in apace , do not let your wine drop out . + Rose , I pray burn some pitch i ’ th ’ parlour , ‘ tis good against ill airs ; Master Alexander will be here . + Did he speak Welsh or English ? + If this were not Master Randalls of Randall Hall , that I told you of , I 'll be flayed . + Some horse taught him that ; ‘ tis worth god-a-mercy . + Alexander was the conqueror , sir ? + I tell you true , gallants , I have seen neither of them to-day . Shall I give him the lie ? + Here is the sign of Sim , sir . + They have Rose the cookmaid without ; but they say you have Mistress Mary within . + He shall make haste for shame . + O gentlemen , where are you ? Where are you ? Where are you , gentlemen ? + There 's no Moll ; there is no dainty young widow ; but a damnable bawd we found abed , with a face like an apple half-roasted . + Nay , he has put her in there already , for we found him abed with her . + Nay , sir , the jest was , that they should fall asleep together , and forget themselves ; for very lovingly we found them together , like the Gemini , or the two winter mornings met together . Look , look , look , where they come , sir , and Jarvis between ‘ em — just like the picture of knavery betwixt fraud and lechery . + This was your bargain upon the exchange , sir , and because you have ever been addicted to old proverbs and pithy saws , pray let me seal up the mistake with one that will appear very seasonably . + You , a new-fangled fowler , came to show your art i ’ th ’ dark ; but take this truth , you catched in truth a cuckoo for't . + She looks as if she had sold kitchen-stuff . + Not before dinner , pray , sir ; the pies are almost baked . + Gentlemen , there 's Aliganti ’ th ’ house , pray set no more abroach . + She means for a fool ; I 'm fain to answer you . + She has despatched you , sir ! + I knew you were a crafty merchant ;you helped my master to such bargains upon the Exchange last night : here has been the merriest morning after it .