I perceive , from the tea cups , Crichton , that the great function is to take place here . The servants ’ hall coming up to have tea in the drawing-room !No wonder you look happy , Crichton . Do you know , Crichton , I think that with an effort you might look even happier .You do n't approve of his lordship 's compelling his servants to be his equals — once a month ? Certainly not . And , after all , it is only once a month that he is affable to you . Tea cups ! Life , Crichton , is like a cup of tea ; the more heartily we drink , the sooner we reach the dregs . Crichton , in case I should be asked to say a few words to the servants , I have strung together a little speech .I was wondering where I should stand . Suppose you were all little fishes at the bottom of the sea — And how are my little friends to-day ? You poor over-worked things .Rest your weary limbs . Why ?You see , as the servants are to be the guests I must be butler . I was practising . This is a tray , observe .Tea , my lady ? Had a very tiring day also , Mary ? What 's that ?Is it Brocklehurst ?You have given your warm young heart to Brocky ?I do n't wish to fatigue you , Mary , by insisting on a verbal answer , but if , without straining yourself , you can signify Yes or No , wo n't you make the effort ?The ring ! Then I am too late , too late !May I ask , Mary , does Brocky know ? Of course , it was that terrible mother of his who pulled this through . Mother does everything for Brocky . Still , in the eyes of the law you will be , not her wife , but his , and , therefore , I hold that Brocky ought to be informed . Now —If you girls are shamming sleep in the expectation that I shall awaken you in the manner beloved of ladies , abandon all such hopes . I knew that was it , though I do n't know everything . Agatha , I 'm not young enough to know everything . Do n't you see ? I 'm not young enough to know everything . Look here , Treherne , I 'm not young enough to know everything . I mean what I say . I 'm — not — young — enough — to — know — everything . No , I do n't . I am not young enough , Crichton , to know everything . Ah , if you had that fellow 's head , Treherne , you would find something better to do with it than play cricket . I hear you bowl with your head . Congratulations , Brocky . Mother pleased ? That 's good . Do you go on the yacht with us ? Mother do n't like it ? But , my dear uncle , I have prepared nothing . Oh — well — if anything strikes me on the spur of the moment . You stick to me , Brocky , and I 'll pull you through . The chef . If I might venture , Miss Fisher At last we meet . Wo n't you sit down ? Brocklehurst , this is John . I think you have already met on the door-step . How do you do , Gladys . You know my uncle ? No you do n't , it wo n't do , Brocky .You are too pretty , my dear . Mother would n't like it .Here 's something safer . Charming girl , Brocky , dying to know you ; let me introduce you . Tweeny , Lord Brocklehurst — Lord Brocklehurst , Tweeny . I cordially agree . Selfish brute , only thinking of himself . What about my speech ? Pooh ! You must do for yourselves , that 's all . How is his lordship now ? I have no pity for you girls , I — And uncommon glad I am to go . Ta-ta , all of you . He asked me to say a few words . I came here to say a few words , and I 'm not at all sure that I could n't bring an action against him . This is what I have written . ‘ Wrecked , wrecked , wrecked ! on an island in the Tropics , the following : the Hon . Ernest Woolley , the Rev . John Treherne , the Ladies Mary , Catherine , and Agatha Lasenby , with two servants . We are the sole survivors of Lord Loam 's steam yacht Bluebell , which encountered a fearful gale in these seas , and soon became a total wreck . The crew behaved gallantly , putting us all into the first boat . What became of them I cannot tell , but we , after dreadful sufferings , and insufficiently clad , in whatever garments we could lay hold of in the dark ’ — — ‘ succeeded in reaching this island , with the loss of only one of our party , namely , Lord Loam , who flung away his life in a gallant attempt to save a servant who had fallen overboard . ’ Well , you know , it was rather silly of uncle to fling away his life by trying to get into the boat first ; and as this document may be printed in the English papers , it struck me , an English peer , you know — — ‘ By night the cries of wild cats and the hissing of snakes terrify us extremely ’ —— ‘ terrify the ladies extremely . Against these we have no weapons except one cutlass and a hatchet . A bucket washed ashore is at present our only comfortable seat ’ — H'sh ! Oh , do be quiet .— ‘ To add to our horrors , night falls suddenly in these parts , and it is then that savage animals begin to prowl and roar . ’ No , that 's all . I end up , ‘ Rescue us or we perish . Rich reward . Signed Ernest Woolley , in command of our little party . ’ This is written on a leaf taken out of a book of poems that Crichton found in his pocket . Fancy Crichton being a reader of poetry . Now I shall put it into the bottle and fling it into the sea .The tide is going out , we must n't miss the post . The tide , Crichton , is a postman who calls at our island twice a day for letters . Poor Crichton ! I sometimes think he is losing his sense of humour . Come along , Agatha . Danger ! Crichton , a tiger-cat ! Look out , Crichton . The grass is moving . It 's coming . Uncle , uncle , dear old uncle . But you are also idling , Crichton .We must n't waste time . To work , to work . Sniff , uncle . You are actually wearing boots , uncle . It 's very unsafe , you know , in this climate . We have all abandoned them , you observe . The blood , the arteries , you know . O Lord , yes . I only wanted the loan of them . Oh , very well .I do n't want your old boots .You do n't think you could spare me one boot ? Quite so . Well , all I can say is I 'm sorry for you . Excuse me , uncle , I 'm thinking . I 'm planning out the building of this hut . That do n't matter . Please , please , this is important . What ! Not at all . The great thing is , ‘ I 've got ‘ em , I 've got ‘ em . ’ This is my answer . Crichton , look here . Pooh ! My case ? Thank you , Crichton . I should like to see you try to do it , uncle . A strong man . You mean a stout man . You are one of mind to two of matter . Oh , all right . Are n't you all forgetting that this is an island ? We do n't have any , uncle . They all belong to Crichton . Rot ! If I could have your socks , Crichton — What is that about an egg ? Why should you have an egg ? Nor mine for nearly three months . It was only last week , Tweeny , that he said to me , ‘ Ernest , the water cure has worked marvels in you , and I question whether I shall require to dip you any more . ’Of course that sort of thing encourages a fellow . Thank you , Tweeny , that 's very precious to me . Shells ! He 'll like that . He likes sets of things . Rather . John , it sometimes gives me the creeps . I think he looks too regal in it . I say , John , I want a word with you . Dash it all , you know , you 're a clergyman . Then — would you , John ? Officiate at a marriage ceremony , John ? Odd ? Seems to me it 's natural . And whatever is natural , John , is right . By one of the women ? By Jove !I say , John , what an observant beggar he is . I do not hesitate to affirm , John , that he has seen the love-light in my eyes . You answered — You 're a brick . Make your mind easy about that . Agatha ? What made you think it was Agatha ? Pooh ! Agatha 's all very well in her way , John , but I 'm flying at bigger game . Tweeny , of course . Her cooking has very little to do with it . Yes , John , I believe I may say so . I am unworthy of her , but I think I have touched her heart . I 'm sorry , John . Thank you , John . How 's the little black pig to-day ? Are you very busy , Tweeny ? There 's something I should like to say to you if you could spare me a moment . What an ass I used to be , Tweeny . I 'm no great shakes even now . But listen to this , Tweeny ; I have known many women , but until I knew you I never knew any woman . I did n't mean it in that way .Ah , Tweeny , I do n't undervalue the bucket , but what I want to say now is that the sweet refinement of a dear girl has done more for me than any bucket could do . More than that . I want to build a little house for you — in the sunny glade down by Porcupine Creek . I want to make chairs for you and tables ; and knives and forks , and a sideboard for you . Not often ; but just occasionally there would be your adoring husband . It is n't as if I should be much there . Twice a week I should be away altogether — at the dam . On the other days you would never see me from breakfast time to supper .If you like I 'll even go fishing on Sundays . Thank you , Tweeny ; it can n't be helped .Tweeny , we shall be disappointing the Gov . He wanted us to marry . Where did you get it ? Is this necessary ? Think how it would pain him . You need n't be alarmed ; it 's only me . Do you mind if I do n't cook fish to-night ?I think you might all be a little sorry for a chap .I 'm particularly disappointed in you , Aggy ; seeing that I was half engaged to you , I think you might have had the good feeling to be a little more hurt . I shall now go and lie down for a bit . Thank you . Long life to you both , sir . You 'll get a lot of tit-bits out of this , Daddy . I dare say I shall have to clean out the dam now . Polly , Gov ., the boat has turned back . They are English sailors ; they have landed ! We are rescued , I tell you , rescued ! Eh ? Happy ? Lord , yes . Forget it ? The man who could forget it would be a selfish wretch and a — But I say , this makes a difference ! A mighty difference ! Here is another . That 's how it strikes them , you know . Here 's another one . As the author — I say it was you who taught us how to obtain a fire by rubbing two pieces of stick together . The papers ! The papers are guides that tell us what we ought to do , and then we do n't do it . I thought —— I shall go and dress . How do you do , Lady Brocklehurst . Oh , I do n't know . Thanks , awfully .The fact is — The fact is — Dear old Daddy — he was our monkey . You remember our monkey , Agatha ? The fact is —