Hip ! hollo ! ho !— Hip !—— Hip , hillio — ho — hi !—— Lord ! sir , if my master makes no more haste , we shall all be put to sword by the knives of the natives . I 'm told they take off heads like hats , and hang ‘ em on pegs , in their parlours . Mercy on us ! My head aches with the very thoughts of it . Hollo ! Mr. Inkle ! master ; hollo ! Aye ; stripping is the first thing that would happen to us ; for they seem to be woefully off for a wardrobe . I myself saw three , at a distance , with less clothes than I have , when I get out of bed : all dancing about in black buff ; just like Adam in mourning . Why , Inkle —— Well ! only to see the difference of men ! he 'd have thought it very hard , now , if I had let him call so often after me . Ah ! I wish he was calling after me now , in the old jog-trot way , again . What a fool was I to leave London for foreign parts !—— That ever I should leave Threadneedle-street , to thread an American forest , where a man 's as soon lost as a needle in a bottle of hay ! Lord , sir , I shall never recover what I have lost in coming abroad . When my master and I were in London , I had such a mortal snug birth of it ! Why , I was factotum . But then the honour of it . Think of that , sir ; to be clerk as well as own man . Only consider . You find very few city clerks made out of a man , now-a-days . To be king of the counting-house , as well as lord of the bed-chamber . Ah ! if I had him but now in the little dressing-room behind the office ; tying his hair , with a bit of red tape , as usual . Oh , if I was but brushing the accounts or casting up the coats ! mercy on us ! what 's that ? Did n't you hear a noise ? Ha ! A sum in division , I reckon . Oh ! that ever I was born , to leave pen , ink , and powder for this ! I 'll run and see , sir , directly . Oh ! Threadneedle-street , Thread — — Needle-street . Sir . Wo n't you look and see ? Oh , charming ! It 's a retreat for a king , sir : Mr . Medium , however , has not got up in it ; your uncle , sir , has run on like a booby ; and has got up with our party by this time , I take it ; who are now most likely at the shore . But what are we to do next , sir ? Then pray , sir , proceed to reconnoitre ; for the sooner the better . Y —— Ye — s — Yes . Eh ! Oh lord !— Clear !Oh dear ! oh dear ! the coast will soon be clear enough now , I promise you —— The ship is under sail , sir ! All , all , sir , except me . Ah ! there they go .—— That will be the last report we shall ever hear from ‘ em I 'm afraid .— That 's as much as to say , Good bye to ye . And here we are left — two fine , full-grown babes in the wood ! The old one — a tree , sir .— ‘ Tis all we have for it now . What would I give , now , to be perched upon a high stool , with our brown desk squeezed into the pit of my stomach — scribbling away an old parchment !—— But all my red ink will be spilt by an old black pin of a negro . SONG .A voyage over seas had not entered my head , Had I known but on which side to butter my bread , Heigho ! sure I — for hunger must die ! I 've sail 'd like a booby ; come here in a squall , Where , alas ! there 's no bread to be butter 'd at all ! Oho ! I 'm a terrible booby ! Oh , what a sad booby am I ! In London , what gay chop-house signs in the street ! But the only sign here is of nothing to eat . Heigho ! that I —— for hunger should die ! My mutton 's all lost ; I 'm a poor starving elf ! And for all the world like a lost mutton myself . Oho ! I shall die a lost mutton ! Oh ! what a lost mutton am I ! For a neat slice of beef , I could roar like a bull ; And my stomach 's so empty , my heart is quite full . Heigho ! that I — for hunger should die ! But , grave without meat , I must here meet my grave , For my bacon , I fancy , I never shall save . Oho ! I shall ne'er save my bacon ! I can n't save my bacon , not I ! Hum ! I was thinking —— I was thinking , sir — if so many natives could be caught , how much they might fetch at the West India markets ! No , faith , sir ! Hunger is too sharp to be jested with . As for me , I shall starve for want of food . Now you may meet a luckier fate : you are able to extract the square root , sir ; and that 's the very best provision you can find here to live upon . But I !Mercy on us ! here they come again . Oh Lord ! no , do n't , do n't —— We shall pay too dear for our lodging , depend o n't . What ! go in before your honour ! I know my place better , I assure you — I might walk into more mouths than one , perhaps . I must , sir ; I must ! Ah , Trudge , Trudge ! what a damned hole are you getting into ! Very likely , sir ! But for a pleasing face , it has the cursed'st ugly month I ever saw in my life . Now do , sir , make off as fast as you can . If we once get clear of the natives ’ houses , we have little to fear from the lions and leopards : for by the appearance of their parlours , they seem to have killed all the wild beast in the country . Now pray , do , my good master , take my advice , and run away . That 's just what I expect for coming in .— All that enter here appear to have had their skins stript over their ears ; and ours will be kept for curiosities — We shall stand here , stuffed , for a couple of white wonders . No , no , no , do n't ; do n't . We may be called to account for disturbing the company : you may get a curtain-lecture , perhaps , sir . Oh ! what will become of us ! Some grim , seven foot fellow ready to scalp us . A woman !—But let him come on ; I 'm ready — dam'me , I do n't fear facing the devil himself — Faith it is a woman — fast asleep too . And egad ! there seems to be a nice , little plump bit in the corner ; only she 's an angel of rather a darker sort . Zounds , she has thrown me into a cold sweat . This must be a lady of quality , by her staring . O ho ! It 's time , I see , to begin making interest with the chamber maid . Why , you speak English as well as I , my little Wowski . Iss ! and you learnt it from a strange man , that tumbled from a big boat , many moons ago , you say ? Then , what the devil made them so surprized at seeing us ! was he like me ?Not so smart a body , mayhap . Was his face , now , round and comely , and — eh !Was it like mine ? Oh , oh , an old shipwrecked sailor , I warrant . With white and grey hair , eh , my pretty beauty spot ? Oh ! wore a wig . But the old boy taught you something more than English , I believe . The devil he did ! What was it ? Aye , what was that for ? Zounds ! did he teach you to smoke ? And what became of him at last ? What did your countrymen do for the poor fellow ? Mercy on us ! what damned stomachs , to swallow a tough old tar ! Ah , poor Trudge ! your killing comes next . No ? why what shall I do , if I get in their paws ? Will you ? Ecod she 's a brave good-natured wench ! she 'll be worth a hundred of your English wives .— Whenever they fight on their husband 's account , it 's with him instead of for him , I fancy . But how the plague am I to live here ? Zounds ! leopard 's skin for winter wear , and feathers for a summer 's suit ! Ha , ha ! I shall look like a walking hammer-cloth , at Christmas , and an upright shuttlecock , in the dog days . And for all this , if my master and I find our way to England , you shall be part of our travelling equipage ; and , when I get there , I 'll give you a couple of snug rooms , on a first floor , and visit you every evening , as soon as I come from the counting-house . Do you like it ? Damme , what a flashy fellow I shall seem in the city ! I 'll get her a white boy to bring up the tea-kettle . Then I 'll teach you to write and dress hair . Oh yes , a very great man . I 'm head clerk of the counting-house , and first valet-de-chambre of the dressing-room . I pounce parchments , powder hair , black shoes , ink paper , shave beards , and mend pens . But hold ! I had forgot one material point — you ar'n ' t married , I hope ? So I will . It 's best , however , to be sure of her being single ; for Indian husbands are not quite so complaisant as English ones , and the vulgar dogs might think of looking a little after their spouses . But you have had a lover or two in your time ; eh , Wowski ? Who ? Yes , pretty little Wowski ! Oh then turn about , my little tawny tight one ! Do n't you like me ? Never , not for any white one ; You are beautiful as any sloe . So snug and cosey ! Coying , toying , With a rosy Posey , When I 'm dosey , Bear-skin nightcaps too shall warm my head . Come along , Wows ! Take care of your furs , and your feathers , my girl ! That 's right .— Somebody might steal ‘ em , perhaps . Oh Lord ! see what one loses by not being born in a christian country . What 's your sign , my lad ? Well , get us a room for half an hour , and we 'll come : and harkee ! let it be light and airy , d'ye hear ? My master has been used to your open apartments lately . A prince — Ha ! ha !—— No , not quite a prince — but he belongs to the Crown . But how do you like this , Wows ? Is n't it fine ? Fine men , eh ? Yes , all the fine men are like me . As different from your people as powder and ink , or paper and blacking . What ! the fine lady 's complexions ? Oh , yes , exactly ; for too much heat very often dissolves ‘ em ! Then their dress , too . Better , better a great deal . Why , a young flashy Englishman will sometimes carry a whole fortune on his back . But did you mind the women ? All here — and there ;they have it all from us in England .— And then the fine things they carry on their heads , Wowski . Pshaw ! an old woman bawling flounders . But the fine girls we meet , here , on the quay — so round and so plump ! Not love you ! Zounds , have not I given you proofs ? Not I. I 'll stick to you like wax . Gratitude , to be sure . Ha ! this it is , now , to live without education . The poor dull devils of her country are all in the practice of gratitude , without finding out what it means ; while we can tell the meaning of it , with little or no practice at all .— Lord , Lord , what a fine advantage christian learning is ! Hark'ee , Wows ! Now we 've accomplished our landing , I 'll accomplish you . You remember the instructions I gave you on the voyage ? Let 's see now — What are you to do , when I introduce you to the nobility , gentry , and others — of my acquaintance ? Let me see you do it .Very well ! and how are you to recommend yourself , when you have nothing to say , amongst all our great friends ? Right ! they 'll think you 've lived with people of fashion . But suppose you meet an old shabby friend in misfortune , that you do n't wish to be seen speak to — what would you do ? Why would you do that ? That 's a good girl ! and I wish every body could boast of so kind a motive for such cursed cruel behaviour .— Lord ! how some of your flashy bankers ’ clerks have cut me in Threadneedle street .— But come , though we have got among fine folks , here , in an English settlement , I wo n't be ashamed of my old acquaintance : yet , for my own part , I should not be sorry , now , to see my old friend with a new face .— Odsbobs ! I see Mr. Inkle — Go in , Wows ; call for what you like best . Who have we here ? Not she — she never went to market in all her life . A black fair , ha ! ha ! ha ! You hold it on a brown green , I suppose . Yes ; and I 'm her humble servant , I take it . Just as much as she has saved me — My own life . Zounds ! what a devil of a fellow ! Sell Wows !— my poor , dear , dingy , wife ! No ; but I am ; so I shall do as I 'd be done by : and , if you were a good one yourself , you 'd know , that fellow-feeling for a poor body , who wants your help , is the noblest mark of our religion .— I wou'dn ' t be articled clerk to such a fellow for the world . Plague o n't ; there it is . I shall be laughed out of my honesty , here .— But you may be jogging , friend ; I may feel a little queer , perhaps , at showing her face — but , dam me , if ever I do any thing to make me asham 'd of showing my own . Rot her complexion — I 'll tell you what , Mr. Fair-trader , if your head and heart were to change places , I 've a notion you 'd be as black in the face as an ink-bottle . Oh , here comes my master , at last . Sir ! Yes , sir , at the Crown here ; a neat , spruce room they tell me . You have not seen such a convenient lodging this good while , I believe . Um —— Why there is the Lion , I hear , and the Bear , and the Boar — but we saw them at the door of all our late lodgings , and found but bad accommodations within , sir . Very well , sir . What a fine thing it is to turn one 's back on a master , without running into a wolf 's belly ! One can follow one 's nose on a message here , and be sure it wo n't be bit off by the way . I have been showing her all the wigs and bales of goods we met on the quay , sir . And I 'll go feast on a slice of beef , in the inn , here . Well then , you sha n't . No such thing ; I practised my politeness all the while I was in the woods . Our very lodging taught me good manners ; for I could never bring myself to go into it without bowing . Gad , you 're right ; I am a little out here , to be sure .Well , how do you do ? Oh ! very well — I 'll take it again . May be not . He 's a little busy at present . Very likely ; so it would be a pity to interrupt him , you know . No ? The devil it will ! O , my poor master ! Then he 'll get into a damn 'd scrape , in a crack . Nothing , nothing —— It must out —— Patty ! Can you keep a secret ? ThenMy master keeps a girl . As sure as one and one make two . Pooh ! it 's always your sly , sober fellows , that go the most after the girls . Me ? Oh Lord ! he ! he !— Do you think any smart , tight , little , black-eyed wench , would be struck with my figure ? You shall hear : when the ship left us ashore , my master turned as pale as a sheet of paper . It is n't every body that 's blest with courage , Patty . However , I bid him cheer up ; told him , to stick to my elbow : took the lead , and began our march . We had n't gone far , when a damn 'd one-eyed black boar , that grinned like a devil , came down the hill in jog trot ! My Master melted as fast as a pot of pomatum ! But what does I do , but whips out my desk knife , that I used to cut the quills with at home ; met the monster , and slit up his throat like a pen — The boar bled like a pig . Yes ; I remember we fed on the flitch for a week . The lady ! Oh , true . By and by we came to a cave — a large hollow room , under ground , like a warehouse in the Adelphi .— Well ; there we were half an hour , before I could get him to go in ; there 's no accounting for fear , you know . At last , in we went , to a place hung round with skins , as it might be a furrier 's shop , and there was a fine lady , snoring on a bow and arrows . Eh !— No — no .— Hum — She had a young lion , by way of a lap-dog . Gave her a jog , and she opened her eyes — she struck my master immediately . With her beauty , you ninny , to be sure : and they soon brought matters to bear . The wolves witnessed the contract — I gave her away — The crows croaked amen ; and we had board and lodging for nothing . The same . Um ! she 's a good comely copper . Yes , quite dark ; but very elegant ; like a Wedgwood tea-pot . Why , there 's no great harm i n't , I hope ? Zounds ! you are mighty nice all of a sudden ; but I 'd have you to know , Madam Patty , that Black-a-moor ladies , as you call ‘ em , are some of the very few whose complexions never rub off ! ‘ Sbud , if they did , Wows and I should have changed faces by this time — But mum ; not a word for your life . Pshaw ! these girls are so plaguy proud of their white and red ! but I wo n't be shamed out of Wows , that 's flat .— Enter WOWSKI . Ah ! Wows , I 'm going to leave you . Master says I must . Master , to be sure , while we were in the forest , taught Yarico to read , with his pencil and pocket-book . What then ? Wows comes on fine and fast in her lessons . A little awkward at first , to be sure — Ha ! ha !— She 's so used to feed with her hands , that I can n't get her to eat her victuals , in a genteel , christian way , for the soul of me ; when she has stuck a morsel on her fork , she do n't know how to guide it , but pops up her knuckles to her mouth , and the meat goes up to her ear . But , no matter — After all the fine , flashy London girls , Wowski 's the wench for my money . SONG . A clerk I was in London gay , Jemmy linkum feedle , And went in boots to see the play , Merry fiddlem tweedle . I march 'd the lobby , twirled my stick , Diddle , daddle , deedle ; The girls all cry 'd , “ He 's quite the kick . ” Oh , Jemmy linkum feedle . Hey ! for America I sail , Yankee doodle , deedle ; The sailor-boys cry 'd , “ Smoke his tail ! ” Jemmy linkum feedle . On English belles I turned my back , Diddle , daddle , deedle ; And got a foreign fair quite black , O twaddle , twaddle , tweedle ! Your London girls , with roguish trip , Wheedle , wheedle , wheedle , May boast their pouting under lip , Fiddle , faddle , feedle . My Wows would beat a hundred such , Diddle , daddle , deedle , Whose upper lip pouts twice as much , O , pretty double wheedle ! Rings I 'll buy to deck her toes ; Jemmy linkum feedle ; A feather fine shall grace her nose , Waving siddle seedle . With jealousy I ne'er shall burst ; Who 'd steal my bone of bone-a ? A white Othello , I can trust A dingy Desdemona . There he is ; like a beau bespeaking a coat — doubting which colour to choose — Sir — Nothing unexpected , sir :— I hope you wo n't be angry ; but I am come to give you joy , sir ! A wife , sir ! a white one .— I know it will vex you , but Miss Narcissa means to make you happy , to-morrow morning . Yes , sir ; and as I have been out of employ , in both my capacities , lately , after I have dressed your hair , I may draw up the marriage articles . Patty told me all that has passed in the Governor 's family , on the quay , sir . Women , you know , can never keep a secret . You 'll be introduced in form , with the whole island to witness it . There will be nothing but rejoicings , in compliment to the wedding , she tells me ; all noise and uproar ! Married people like it , they say . They are talking of nothing else but the match , it seems . And the bride 's merits —— Then they call her so handsome . And then they say so much of her fortune . Stay , stay , sir ; I am desired to tell you , the Governor wo n't open his gates to us till to-morrow morning . Yes ; it 's a short respite before execution ; and if your honour was to go and comfort poor Madam Yarico —— I 've done , sir , I 've done — But I know I should blubber over Wows all night , if I thought of parting with her in the morning . Lord , sir , I only —— Ah ! you may well put your hand to your head ; and a bad head it must be , to forget that Madam Yarico prevented her countrymen from peeling off the upper part of it . May I come in , sir ? Sir , your uncle wants to see you . I shall , sir . Pa — part with Ma — madam Ya-ri-co ! I 'm sorry for it , sir ; I have lived with you along while ; I 've half a year 's wages too , due the 25th ult . for dressing your hair , and scribbling your parchments ; but take my scribbling ; take my frizzing ; take my wages ; and I , and Wows , will take ourselves off together — she saved my life , and rot me , if any thing but death shall part us . I 'm gone , sir . Lord , Lord ! I never carried a letter with such ill will in all my born days . Yes , I gave her the letter . I cou'dn ' t , sir , I cou'dn ' t — I intended to say what you bid me — but I felt such a pain in my throat , I cou'dn ' t speak a word , for the soul of me ; and so , sir , I fell a crying . Nothing at all , sir . She sat down with her two hands clasped on her knees , and looked so pitifully in my face , I could not stand it . Oh , here she comes . I 'll go and find Wows : if I must be melancholy , she shall keep me company . Come along , Wows ! take a long last leave of your poor mistress : throw your pretty , ebony arms about her neck . A thing of my own , sir . I cou'dn ' t help following my master 's example in the woods —— Like master , like man , sir . Hang me , like a dog , if I would , sir . Wows , give me a kiss ! Eh , Wows ! How !— why not ! O rare !— Bless your honour !— Wows ! you 'll be lady , you jade , to a governor 's factotum .