‘ Tis much I owe to Fortune , my dear Lucretia , for being so kind to make us Neighbours , where with Ease we may continually exchange our Souls and Thoughts without the attendance of a Coach , and those other little Formalities that make a Business of a Visit ; it looks so like a Journey , I hate it . And lament the numberless Impertinences wherewith they continually plague all young Women of Quality . Custom is unkind to our Sex , not to allow us free Choice ; but we above all Creatures must be forced to endure the formal Recommendations of a Parent , and the more insupportable Addresses of an odious Fop ; whilst the Obedient Daughter stands — thus — with her Hands pinn 'd before her , a set Look , few Words , and a Mein that cries — Come marry me : out upo n't . Thou mayst lay thy Maidenhead upo n't , and be sure of the Misfortune to win . Faith , my dear Lodwick or no body in my heart , and I hope thou art as well resolv 'd for my Cousin Leander . Spare the Relation , for I have observ 'd of late your Mother to have order 'd her Eyes with some softness , her Mouth endeavouring to sweeten it self into Smiles and Dimples , as if she meant to recal Fifteen again , and gave it all to Leander , for at him she throws her Darts . Long since . He 'll take care to give himself a better Title . Prithee let him make ours now , for of all Fops your Country Fop is the most tolerable Animal ; those of the Town are the most unmanagable Beasts in Nature . Keeping begins to be as ridiculous as Matrimony , and is a greater Imposition upon the Liberty of Man ; the Insolence and Expence of their Mistresses has almost tir 'd out all but the Old and Doting part of Mankind : The rest begin to know their value , and set a price upon a good Shape , a tolerable Face and Mein :— and some there are who have made excellent Bargains for themselves that way , and will flatter ye and jilt ye an Antiquated Lady as artfully as the most experienc 'd Miss of ‘ em all . Is discreet and virtuous enough , a little too affected , as being the most learned of her Sex . Indeed the Men would have us think so , and boast their Learning and Languages ; but if they can find any of our Sex fuller of Words , and to so little purpose as some of their Gownmen , I 'll be content to change my Petticoats for Pantaloons , and go to a Grammar-school . They call us easy and fond , and charge us with all weakness ; but look into their Actions of Love , State or War , their roughest business , and you shall find ‘ em sway 'd by some who have the luck to find their Foibles ; witness my Father , a Man reasonable enough , till drawn away by doting Love and Religion : what a Monster my young Mother makes of him ! flatter 'd him first into Matrimony , and now into what sort of Fool or Beast she pleases to make him . Oh , she finds it the only way to secure her from his Suspicion , which if she do not e'er long give him cause for , I am mistaken in her Humour .— Enter L. Knowell and Leander . But see your Mother and my Cousin Leander , who seems , poor man , under some great Consternation , for he looks as gravely as a Lay-Elder conducting his Spouse from a Sermon . Who , my Cousin Leander a Scholar , Madam ? I vow , Madam , he spells worse than a Country Farrier when he prescribes a Drench . Worse than a Politician or a States-man . Laugh ! why , are you turn 'd Buffoon , Tumbler , or Presbyterian Preacher ? You 'll find her well employ 'd with my Cousin Leander . And his Mistress Psyche , Sir ? Well , Sir , what must she do from Twelve till Eight again ? A Husband , and that not Lodwick ! Heaven forbid . You 're wonderful ingaging , Sir , and I were an Ingrate not to facilitate a return for the Honour you are pleas 'd to do me . I know not , but I 'm sure I never saw a more affected Fop . I know his fiery Temper too well to trust him with the secret . What business ? And may I trust your honesty ? Away , here 's my Mother . On fair Conditions . Well , I have no mind to let this dear mad Devil Lodwick in to night . I have a strange apprehension of being surpriz 'd to night . You 'll grow very expert in the Arts of Love , Fanny . What Noise is that ? Speak low , who shou 'd it be but the kind Fool her self , who can deny you nothing but what you dare not take ? How ! surely you 're not in earnest ?— Do you love me ? And are you , Sir , in earnest ? can it be ? Hold , Ravisher , and know this saucy Passion Has render 'd back your Interest . Now I hate ye , And my Obedience to my Father 's Will Shall marry me to Fainlove , and I 'll despise ye . Pray Heaven I get undiscover 'd to my Chamber , where I 'll make Vows against this perjured Man ; hah , sure he follows still ; no Wood-Nymph ever fled before a Satyr , with half that trembling haste I flew from Lodwick .— Oh , he has lost his Virtue , and undone me . Hah , my Father ! I 'm discover 'd and pursu 'd ,— grant me to find the Bed . Hah , where am I , and who is't that speaks — A Man 's Voice ! Who can they be that talk thus ? sure I have mistook my Chamber . A Man , and in my virtuous Lady Mother 's Chamber ! how fortunate was I to light on this discovery ! Oh cunning Devil !— Heavens ! what says she ?— Lodwick ! and in my Mother 's Chamber ! may I believe my Eyes ! Oh Traytor ! wou 'd thou hadst been that Ravisher I took thee for , rather than such a Villain — false ! and with my Mother too ! Yes , Sir , to justify her Innocence . — And I 'll know before I sleep , the mystery of all this , and who ‘ twas this faithless Man sent in his room to deceive me in the Garden . How , Mr. Fainlove , it cannot be . That Fainlove ! whom I am so soon to marry ! and but this day courted me in another Dialect ! How came you by this Letter ? What means this nicety ? forbear I say .— Thou art mistaken , leave me ,— whatever he says here to satisfy my Jealousy , I am confirm 'd that he was false : yet this assurance to free me from this intended Marriage , makes me resolve to pardon him , however guilty .— Enter Wittmore . How now ! what means this Insolence ? How dare you , having so lately made your guilty approaches , venture again into my presence ? And there may lie enough , Sir , when they 're angry . By what Authority do you make this saucy Visit ? Thou darst not marry me , there will be danger i n't . And canst thou think they were address 'd to thee ? Leave me , thou hated Object of my Soul . Then thou art a Fool , and drawest thy Ruin on ; why , I will hate thee ,— hate thee most extremely . Why , I will never let thee touch me , nor kiss my Hand , nor come into my sight . Why , I will cuckold thee , look to't , I will most damnably . Lodwick ! What Devil brought that Name to his knowledge ?— Canst thou know him , and yet dare hope to marry me ? Thou basely injurest him , he cannot do a Deed he ought to blush for : Lodwick do this ! Oh , do not credit it ,— prithee be just and kind for thy own Honour 's sake ; be quickly so , the hasty minutes fly , and will anon make up the fatal Hour that will undo me . Nay , then be gone , my poor submissive Prayers , and all that dull Obedience Custom has made us Slaves to .— Do sacrifice me , lead me to the Altar , and see if all the holy mystick Words can conjure from me the consenting Syllable : No , I will not add one word to make the Charm complete , but stand as silent in the inchanting Circle , as if the Priests were raising Devils there . Lodwick ! what good Angel conducted thee hither ? Wittmore ! that Friend I 've often heard thee name ? Now some kind mischief on him , he has so frighted me , I scarce can bring my Sense to so much order , to thank him that he loves me not . Dear Madam , for my sake do not anger him now . He 's but stept into Cheapside , to fit the Ring , Sir , and will be here immediately . Father , dear Father , must I in one day receive a Blessing with so great a Curse ? Oh ,— he 's just going , Madam .—