A pretty conceit , and worth the finding ! I have such luck to spin out these fine things still , and , like a silk-worm , out of my self . Here 's master Bartholomew Cokes , of Harrow o ’ the Hill , in the county of Middlesex , esquire , takes forth his license to marry mistress Grace Wellborn , of the said place and county : and when does he take it forth ? to-day ! the four and twentieth of August ! Bartholomew-day ! Bartholomew upon Bartholomew ! there 's the device ! who would have marked such a leap-frog chance now ! A very . . . less than ames-ace , on two dice ! Well , go thy ways , John Littlewit , proctor John Littlewit : one of the pretty wits of Paul 's , the Littlewit of London , so thou art called , and something beside . When a quirk or a quiblin does ‘ scape thee , and thou dost not watch and apprehend it , and bring it afore the constable of conceit ,let them carry thee out o ’ the archdeacon 's court into his kitchen , and make a Jack of thee , instead of a John . There I am again la !— Enter MRS. LITTLEWIT . Win , good-morrow , Win ; ay , marry , Win , now you look finely indeed , Win ! this cap does convince ! You 'd not have worn it , Win , nor have had it velvet , but a rough country beaver , with a copper band , like the coney-skin woman of Budge-row ; sweet Win , let me kiss it ! And her fine high shoes , like the Spanish lady ! Good Win , go a little , I would fain see thee pace , pretty Win ; by this fine cap , I could never leave kissing o n't . No , but half a one , Win , you are the t'other half : man and wife make one fool , Win . Good ! Is there the proctor , or doctor indeed , in the diocese , that ever had the fortune to win him such a Win ! There I am again ! I do feel conceits coming upon me , more than I am able to turn tongue to . A pox o ’ these pretenders to wit ! your Three Cranes , Mitre and Mermaid men ! not a corn of true salt , not a grain of right mustard amongst them all . They may stand for places , or so , again the next wit-fall , and pay two-pence in a quart more for their canary than other men . But give me the man can start up a justice of wit out of six shillings beer , and give the law to all the poets and poet-suckers in town :— because they are the player 's gossips ! ‘ Slid ! other men have wives as fine as the players , and as well drest . Come hither , Win ! Troth , I am a little taken with my Win 's dressing here : does it not fine , master Winwife ? How do you apprehend , sir ? she would not have worn this habit . I challenge all Cheapside to shew such another : Moorfields , Pimlico-path , or the Exchange , in a summer evening , with a lace to boot , as this has . Dear Win , let master Winwife kiss you . He comes a wooing to our mother , Win , and may be our father perhaps , Win . There 's no harm in him , Win . I envy no man my delicates , sir . Good , i'faith ! now dulness upon me , that I had not that before him , that I should not light o n't as well as he ! velvet head ! Ay , we know you are a suitor , sir ; Win and I both wish you well : By this license here , would you had her , that your two names were as fast in it as here are a couple ! Win would fain have a fine young father-i ’ - law , with a feather ; that her mother might hood it and chain it with mistress Overdo . But you do not take the right course , master Winwife . You are not mad enough . I say nothing , but I wink upon Win . You have a friend , one master Quarlous , comes here sometimes . Not a tokenworth that ever I saw , I assure you : but — He is the more mad-cap of the two . You do not apprehend me . Let me out with it , dear Win . Do , and take all the thanks , and much good do thy pretty heart , Win . Ay , but it must be a gentleman madman . Yes , and has been at Bedlam twice since every day , to inquire if any gentleman be there , or to come there mad . I tell her so ; or else , say I , that they mean some young madcap gentleman ; for the devil can equivocate as well as a shop keeper : and therefore would I advise you to be a little madder than master Quarlous hereafter . Stirring ! yes , and studying an old elder come from Banbury , a suitor that puts in here at meal tide , to praise the painful brethren , or pray that the sweet singers may be restored ; says a grace as long as his breath lasts him ! Some time the spirit is so strong with him , it gets quite out of him , and then my mother , or Win , are fain to fetch it again with malmsey or aqua coelestis . He cannot abide my vocation , he says . Every line , he says , that a proctor writes , when it comes to be read in the bishop 's court , is a long black hair , kemb 'd out of the tail of Antichrist . Some three days since . Do you remember , master Quarlous , what we discoursed on last night ? No ! not concerning Win ? look you , there she is , and drest , as I told you she should be : hark you , sir ,had you forgot ? Why , sir ? O Win , fie , what do you mean , Win ? be womanly , Win ; make an outcry to your mother , Win ! master Quarlous is an honest gentleman , and our worshipful good friend , Win ; and he is master Winwife 's friend too : and master Winwife comes a suitor to your mother , Win ; as I told you before , Win , and may perhaps be our father , Win : they 'll do you no harm , Win ; they are both our worshipful good friends . Master Quarlous ! you must know master Quarlous , Win ; you must not quarrel with master Quarlous , Win . Yes , do , good Win . A fool-John , she calls me ; do you mark that , gentlemen ? pretty Littlewit of velvet ? a fool-John . Sir !— Good Win go in , and if master Bartholomew Cokes , his man , come for the license ,let him speak with me .— What say you , gentlemen ? Rabbi Busy , sir ; he is more than an elder , he is a prophet , sir . He was a baker , sir , but he does dream now , and see visions ; he has given over his trade . Yes , sir ; Zeal-of-the-land Busy . O they have all such names , sir ; he was witness for Win here ,— they will not be call 'd godfathers — and named her Win-the-fight : you thought her name had been Winnifred , did you not ? He would have thought himself a stark reprobate , if it had . Here I have it for you in my hand , master Humphrey . We 'll talk of that anon , master Humphrey . Sweet Win , bid Solomon send me the little black-box within in my study . Why , you know the price , master Numps . Good i'faith ! no , I warrant you Solomon is wiser than so , sir . Master Quarlous , do not mistake him ; he is his master 's both-hands , I assure you . Sir , if you have a mind to mock him , mock him softly , and look t'other way : for if he apprehend you flout him once , he will fly at you presently . A terrible testy old fellow , and his name is Waspe too . Nay , good master Waspe . O , be civil , master Numps . Here is the box now . They do apprehend , sir . Will't please you drink , master Waspe ? No , but you were in haste e'en now , master Numps . She 's my match indeed , and as little wit as I , good ! You say true , master Numps ; there 's such a one indeed . That was mine afore , gentlemen ; this morning . I had that , i'faith , upon his license , believe me , there he comes after me . No ! why , sir ? Think you so , gentlemen ? I 'll take heed o n't hereafter . Win , you see ‘ tis in fashion to go to the Fair , Win ; we must to the Fair too , you and I , Win . I have an affair in the Fair , Win , a puppet-play of mine own making , say nothing , that I writ for the motion-man , which you must see , Win . Tut , we 'll have a device , a dainty one : Now , Wit , help at a pinch , good Wit , come , come , good Wit , an it be thy will ! I have it , Win , I have it i'faith , and ‘ tis a fine one . Win , long to eat of a pig , sweet Win , in the Fair , do you see , in the heart of the Fair , not at Pye-corner . Your mother will do any thing , Win , to satisfy your longing , you know ; pray thee long presently ; and be sick o ’ the sudden , good Win . I 'll go in and tell her ; cut thy lace in the mean time , and play the hypocrite , sweet Win . You say true , you have been bred in the family , and brought up to't . Our mother is a most elect hypocrite , and has maintained us all this seven year with it , like gentlefolks . Not I , on my sincerity , mother ! she longed above three hours ere she would let me know it .— Who was it , Win ? Good mother , I pray you , that she may eat some pig , and her belly full too ; and do not you cast away your own child , and perhaps one of mine , with your tale of the tempter . How do you do , Win , are you not sick ? Presently , mother , as soon as he has cleansed his beard . I found him fast by the teeth in the cold turkey-pie in the cupboard , with a great white loaf on his left hand , and a glass of malmsey on his right . Here he is now , purified , mother . Ay , sir , a Bartholomew pig ; and in the Fair . Ay , but in state of necessity , place should give place , master Busy . I have a conceit left yet . Yes , sir , and as soon as you can ; for it must be , sir : you see the danger my little wife is in , sir . Nay , I knew that afore , and told her o n't ; but courage , Win , we 'll be humble enough , we 'll seek out the homeliest booth in the Fair , that 's certain ; rather than fail , we 'll eat it on the ground . Ay , and Solomon too , Win , the more the merrier . Win , we 'll leave Rabbi Busy in a booth .— Solomon ! my cloak . Good , i'faith , I will eat heartily too , because I will be no Jew , I could never away with that stiff-necked generation : and truly , I hope my little one will be like me , that cries for pig so in the mother 's belly . This is fine verily . Here be the best pigs , and she does roast them as well as ever she did , the pig 's head says . Good mother , how shall we find a pig , if we do not look about for't : will it run off o ’ the spit , into our mouths , think you , as in Lubberland , and cry , wee , wee ! Come , Win , as good winny here as go farther , and see nothing . Win , have patience , Win , I 'll tell you more anon . Do you hear , Win , Win ? While they are paying the reckoning , Win , I 'll tell you a thing , Win ; we shall never see any sights in the Fair , Win , except you long still , Win : good Win , sweet Win , long to see some hobby-horses , and some drums , and rattles , and dogs , and fine devices , Win . The bull with the five legs , Win ; and the great hog . Now you have begun with pig , you may long for any thing , Win , and so for my motion , Win . O yes , Win : you may long to see , as well as to taste , Win : how did the pothecary 's wife , Win , that longed to see the anatomy , Win ? or the lady , Win , that desired to spit in the great lawyer 's mouth , after an eloquent pleading ? I assure you , they longed , Win ; good Win , go in , and long . Look , Win , do , look a God 's name , and save your longing . Here be fine sights . I 'd give a shilling you could , i'faith , friend . A match , i'faith ; but do it quickly then . Pray you forbear , I am put in trust with them . Was not this shilling well ventured , Win , for our liberty ? now we may go play , and see over the Fair , where we list ourselves : my mother is gone after him , and let her e'en go , and lose us . For what , Win ? I pray thee be not ashamed , Win . Come , i'faith , thou shalt not be ashamed : is it any thing about the hobby-horse man ? a n't be , speak freely . O , is that all , Win ? we 'll go back to captain Jordan , to the pig-woman 's , Win , he 'll help us , or she , with a dripping-pan , or an old kettle , or something . The poor greasy soul loves you , Win ; and after we 'll visit the Fair all over , Win , and see my puppet-play , Win ; you know it 's a fine matter , Win . Good ga'mere Urse , Win and I are exceedingly beholden to you , and to captain Jordan , and captain Whit .— Win , I 'll be bold to leave you , in this good company , Win ; for half an hour or so , Win ; while I go and see how my matter goes forward , and if the puppets be perfect ; and then I 'll come and fetch you , Win . Ay , they are honest gentlemen , Win , captain Jordan and captain Whit ; they 'll use you very civilly , Win . God be wi ’ you , Win . By your leave , friend . Who , I ! I perceive thou know'st not me ; call the master of the motion . Peace , speak not too loud , I would not have any notice taken that I am the author , till we see how it passes . Master Cokes ! you are exceeding well met : what , in your doublet and hose , without a cloke or a hat ? O , sir , you shall command it ; what , will a crown serve you ? Your man was in the stocks e'en now , sir . Yes , faith . Pretty youths , sir , all children both old and young ; here 's the master of ‘ em — Master Lantern , that gives light to the business . Shew him them , shew him them . Master Lantern , this is a gentleman that is a favourer of the quality . Ay , and eat them all too , an they were in cake-bread . Good , i'faith ! you are even with me , sir . It pleases him to make a matter of it , sir ; but there is no such matter , I assure you : I have only made it a little easy , and modern for the times , sir , that 's all . As for the Hellespont , I imagine our Thames here ; and then Leander I make a dyer 's son about Puddle-wharf : and Hero a wench o ’ the Bank-side , who going over one morning to Old Fish-street , Leander spies her land at Trig-stairs , and falls in love with her . Now do I introduce Cupid , having metamorphosed himself into a drawer , and he strikes Hero in love with a pint of sherry ; and other pretty passages there are of the friendship , that will delight you , sir , and please you of judgment . Well , good master Lantern , make ready to begin that I may fetch my wife ; and look you be perfect , you undo me else , in my reputation . No , no , no . O , gentlemen ! did you not see a wife of mine ? I have lost my little wife , as I shall be trusted ; my little pretty Win . I left her at the great woman 's house in trust yonder , the pig-woman 's , with captain Jordan , and captain Whit , very good men , and I cannot hear of her . Poor fool , I fear she 's stepp 'd aside . Mother , did you not see Win ? O my wife , my wife , my wife !