Where the devil is this master of mine ? he is ever out of the way , when he should do himself good ! This ‘ tis to serve a coxcomb , one that has no more brains than just those I carry for him . Well ! of all fops commend me to him for the greatest ; he 's so opinioned of his own abilities , that he is ever designing somewhat , and yet he sows his stratagems so shallow , that every daw can pick them up : From a plotting fool , the Lord deliver me . Here he comes ;— O ! it seems his cousin 's with him ; then it is not so bad as I imagined . Had he plotted it himself , it had been admirable . A minute 's stay may lose your business . How 's this ? What does he mean ? This is his rival . What do you mean , sir , to intrust this man with your affairs thus ? No matter for that ; hark you , a word , sir . For heaven 's sake , sir , have a care . Now , the pox take you , sir , what do you mean ? The devil cannot hold him ; now will this thick-skulled master of mine tell the whole story to his rival ! Yet hold , sir . You had best tell him too , that I am acquainted with her maid , and manage your love under-hand with her . O the devil ! ‘ Tis very well ! you have made a fair discovery ! Tell him , sir , for heaven 's sake tell him all . You do ill , sir , to speak so scandalously of my landlord . I am out of patience to hear this . So , now he has told her father 's name , ‘ tis past recovery . Your affairs are now put into an excellent posture , thank your incomparable discretion ; this was a stratagem my shallow wit could never have reached , to make a confident of my rival . ‘ Slife , he has not found it out all this while ! well , sir , for a quick apprehension let you alone . To the first of your devils I answer , her maid , Rose , told me o n't : To the second , I wish a thousand devils take him that would not hear me . O unparallelled ignorance ! why he left her father at the water-side , while he led the daughter to her lodging , whither I directed him ; so that if you had not laboured to the contrary , fortune had placed you in the same house with your mistress , without the least suspicion of your rival , or of her father . But ‘ tis well you have satisfied your talkative humour : I hope you have some new project of your own to set all right again : For my part , I confess all my designs for you are wholly ruined ; the very foundations of them are blown up . Death is a bug-word ; things are not brought to that extremity ; I 'll cast about to save all yet . Like enough I have : I am coxcomb sufficient to do it ; my master knows , that none but such a great calf as I could have done it , such an overgrown ass , a self-conceited idiot as I . Pray , sir , let me alone : What is it to you if I rail upon myself ? Now could I break my own logger-head . What a good master have I , and I to ruin him : O beast ! Are you there again , sir ? Now , as I have a soul —— Pish ! they are both gone out . Twenty to one I am gone before , and save them a labour . Lord , that your ladyship should ask that question , knowing whom I serve ! Never breathe , but this anger becomes your ladyship most admirably ; but though you 'll hear nothing from him , I hope I may speak a word or two to you from myself , madam . How the devil should I excuse him ? Thou know'st he is the greatest fop in nature . Alas , madam , I have not the confidence to speak out , unless you can take mercy on me . For telling Sir John you loved my master , madam . But sure I little thought he was his rival . Why , could your ladyship suspect him guilty ? Pray tell me , do you think him ungrateful , or a fool ? Take it from me , you see not the depth of him . But when he knows what thoughts you harbour of him , as I am faithful , and must tell him , I wish he does not take some pet , and leave you . Upon condition then you 'll pardon me , I 'll see what I can do to hold my tongue . He shall not fail you , madam . What will become of me ? He must pass just by me ; and , if he sees me , I am but a dead man . Now , would I had a good bag of gunpowder at my breech , to ram me into some hole ! Oh for a gentle composition , now ! An arm or leg I would give willingly . By this light , she has put the change upon him ! O sweet womankind , how I love thee for that heavenly gift of lying ! Is he gone , madam ? Rather let him come hither : I have laid a plot , shall send his rival far enough from watching him , ere long . ‘ Tis so designed , fate cannot hinder it . Our landlord , where we lie , vexed that his lodgings should be so left by Sir John , is resolved to be revenged , and I have found the way . You 'll see the effects o n't presently . ‘ Tis well you 're come , sir , else I must have left untold a message I have for you . We must be private first ; ‘ tis only for your ear . I came hither , sir , by my master 's order ,—— When you know all , I shall deserve it , sir : I came to sound the virtue of your mistress : which I have done so cunningly , I have at last obtained the promise of a meeting . But my good master , whom I must confess more generous than wise , knowing you had a passion for her , is resolved to quit : And , sir , that you may see how much he loves you , sent me in private to advise you still to have an eye upon her actions . Thus the world goes , my masters ! he , that will cozen you , commonly gets your goodwill into the bargain . This is our landlord , whom I told you of ; but keep your countenance . Sir , I desire to speak in private with you . But it concerns you I should speak with you , good sir . Remember , sir , last time it had been better —— Madam , my master is convinced , in prudence he should say so : But love o'ermasters him ; when you are gone perhaps he may . Pray , sir , remember yourself : did not you send me of a message to Sir John , that for his friendship you had left mistress Millisent ? Do not suspect it in the least : You know , sir , it was not generous , before a lady , to say he quitted her . Sir John O ! was that it ? That was all : Say yes , good Sir John — or I 'll swinge you . That 's well ; once in his life he has heard good counsel . The devil 's in him , he 's at it again ; his folly 's like a sore in a surfeited horse ; cure it in one place , and it breaks out in another . For my master 's sake ! why , you impudent varlet , do you think to ‘ scape us with a lye ? ‘ Twas for his own , sir ; he heard you were the occasion the lady lodged not at his house , and so he invented this lie ; partly to revenge himself of you ; and partly , I believe , in hope to get her once again when you were gone . Hang him , rogue ; he 's below your anger : I 'll maul him for you — the rogue 's so big , I think ‘ twill ask two days to beat him all over . Get you gone without replying : must such as you be prating ? Now he might sit with his mistress , and has not the wit to find it out . Get you in with a vengeance : You have a better stomach than you think you have . O yes , yes , you deserve sugar-plums ; first for your quarrelling with Sir John ; then for discovering your landlord ; and , lastly , for refusing to dine with your mistress . All this is since the last reckoning was wiped out . You have so little brains , that a penny-worth of butter , melted under ‘ em , would set ‘ em afloat : He put on that disguise , to rid you of your rival . It had been much at one : You would but have drunk the secret down , and pissed it out to the next company . You 'll not confess you are a fool , I warrant . O yes , much the nearer ; for now fortune 's bound to provide for you ; as hospitals are built for lame people , because they cannot help themselves . Well ; I have a project in my pate . Excuse me for that : But while ‘ tis set a working , you would do well to screw yourself into her father 's good opinion . I 'll lay it as far out of your reach as I can possibly . —— For secrets are edged tools , And must be kept from children and from fools . Your ladyship 's most fortunately met . My business was to yours . I have that to tell you —— If you 'll hear me —— I am of opinion , that —— Cry you mercy , Mrs Rose ; I 'll not dispute your ancient privilege of talking . If my master gets her out , I warrant her , he shall shew her a better play than any is at either of the houses — here they are : I 'll run and prepare him to wait upon her . How the devil got he here before me ! ‘ Tis very unlucky I could not see him first . I 'll say that for him , my master understands none of them , I assure you , sir . He has none to boast of , upon my faith , sir . Of more than their flattery can make good , sir ; ‘ tis true he tells you , they have flattered him ; but , in my conscience , he is the most down-right simple-natured creature in the world . A word in private , sir ; you mistake this old man ; he loves neither painting , music , nor poetry ; yet recover yourself , if you have any brains . This is worse than all the rest . He 's gravelled , and I must help him out .Madam , there 's a coach at the door , to carry you to the play . This is past enduring .There was an ill play set up , sir , on the posts ; but I can assure you the bills are altered since you saw them , and now there are two admirable comedies at both houses . They are tragi-comedies , sir , for both . Sir , you forget yourself ; you never saw her in your life before . Mum , sir . Why , who says you have done any thing ? You , a mere innocent ! But do n't follow me , however : I have nothing to say to you . I am resolved to lead you a dance then . Thou makest thyself a greater fool than he , by being angry at what he cannot help . I have been angry with him too ; but these friends have taken up the quarrel .Look you , he has sent these mediators to mitigate your wrath : Here are twenty of them have made a long voyage from Guinea to kiss your hands : And when the match is made , there are an hundred more in readiness to be your humble servants . Well , what device can we two beget betwixt us , to separate Sir John Swallow and thy mistress ? Then I 'll see if my project be luckier than thine . Where are the papers concerning the jointure I have heard you speak of ? Where is it ? Canst thou help me to it ? So , this I will secure in my pocket ; when thou art asked for it , make two or three bad faces , and say it was left behind : By this means , he must of necessity leave the town , to see for it in Kent . Do , go to Kent , and when you come again , here they are ready for you . Pox , what ill luck was this ! what shall I say ? ‘ Tis an account , sir , of what money you have lost since you came to town . Heaven ! what does he mean to do ? It is not fair writ out , sir . Dear master ! Hold yet , sir , and let me read it : You cannot read my hand . You 'll repent it ; there 's a trick i n't , sir . No doubt of it . I care not . Sir , I kiss your hands , I have other business . I am inflexible . You are master of your own body . At your pleasure , as the devil and you can agree about it . Not in the least . Adieu , soft-headed Sir Martin . Why do n't you despatch , sir ? why all these preambles ? I knew it was but a copy of your countenance ; people in this age are not so apt to kill themselves . You know the easiness of my nature , and that makes you work upon it so . Well , sir , for this once I cast an eye of pity on you ; but I must have ten more in hand , before I can stir a foot . I 'll rather trust you till to-morrow ; Once more look up , I bid you hope the best . Why should your folly make your love miscarry , Since men first play the fools , and then they marry ? ‘ Tis so concluded , sir , I dare assure you . So soon , to prevent the designs upon her ; and in private , to save the effusion of Christian money . Well , go your ways , I 'll try what may be done . Look if he will stir now ; your rival and the old man will see us together ; we are just below the window . On the peril of my twenty pieces be it . Name your wit , or think you have the least grain of wit but once more , and I 'll lay it down for ever . Help , help , good people ! Murder , Murder ! Enter Sir JOHN and MOODY . Sir John and Mood . How now , what 's the matter ? I am abused , I am beaten , I am lamed for ever . The rogue , my master . A trifle , just nothing . It was for telling him he lost too much at play : I meant him nothing but well , heaven knows ; and he , in a cursed damned humour , would needs revenge his losses upon me : and kicked me , took away my money , and turned me off ; but , if I take it at his hands ,— But , if I live , I 'll cry quittance with him : he had engaged me to get Mrs Millisent , your daughter , for him ; but if I do not all I can to make her hate him ! a great booby , an overgrown oaf , a conceited Bartlemew — With all my heart , sir ; and so much the rather , that I might spite him with it . This was the most propitious fate — Good old sir , be pacified ; I was pouring out a little of the dregs that I had left in me of my former service , and now they are gone , my stomach 's clear of them . If you please I 'll wait upon her till she 's ready , and then bring her to what church you shall appoint . I warrant you I have a trick for that , sir : She knows nothing of my being turned away ; so I 'll come to her as from Sir Martin , and , under pretence of carrying her to him , conduct her to you . Was there ever such a lucky rogue as I ? I had always a good opinion of my wit , but could never think I had so much as now I find . I have now gained an opportunity to carry away Mrs Millisent , for my master to get his mistress by means of his rival , to receive all his happiness , where he could expect nothing but misery : After this exploit , I will have Lilly draw me in the habit of a hero , with a laurel on my temples , and an inscription below it ; This is Warner , the flower of serving-men . What 's your business ? Here he comes , you may deliver it yourself to him . Why , what 's the matter , sir ? So , here 's another trick of fortune , as unexpected for bad , as the other was for good . Nothing vexes me , but that I had made my game cock-sure , and then to be back-gammoned : It must needs be the devil that writ this letter ; he owed my master a spite , and has paid him to the purpose : And here he comes as merry too ! he little thinks what misfortune has befallen him ; and , for my part , I am ashamed to tell him . What a murrain is the matter , sir ? Where lies this jest that tickles you ? I wish you may have cause for all this mirth . Pray , sir , keep me no longer in ignorance of this rare invention . But what was it ? Very good . And did you perform all this , a'God ' s name ? Could you do this wonderful miracle without giving your soul to the devil for his help ? Who 's the fool ! why , who uses to be the fool ? he that ever was since I knew him , and ever will be so . Faith , sir , my skill is too little to praise you as you deserve ; but if you would have it according to my poor ability , you are one that had a knock in your cradle , a conceited lack-wit , a designing ass , a hair-brained fop , a confounded busy-brain , with an eternal windmill in it ; this , in short , sir , is the contents of your panegyric . Only this , sir : I was the foolish rascally fellow that was with Moody , and your worship was he to whom I was to bring his daughter . No , I 'll be sworn for you , you are no conjurer . Will you go , sir ? Shall I see the back of you ? speak not a word in your defence . I 'm resolved this devil of his shall never weary me ; I will overcome him , I will invent something that shall stand good in spite of his folly . Let me see — I think , my lord , the question need not be much disputed , for I have always had a great service for your lordship , and some little kindness for myself . I cannot tell that , my lord . Five hundred pounds ! ‘ tis true , the temptation is very sweet and powerful ; the devil , I confess , has done his part , and many a good murder and treason have been committed at a cheaper rate ; but yet —— To confess the truth , I am resolved to bestow my master upon that other lady, for the honour of my wit is engaged in it : Will it not be the same to your lordship , were she married to any other ? Come , my lord , not to dissemble with you any longer , I know where it is that your shoe wrings you : I have observed something in the house , betwixt some parties that shall be nameless : And know , that you have been taking up linen at a much dearer rate , than you might have had it in any draper 's in town . As for that old lady , whom hell confound , she is the greatest jilt in nature ; cheat is her study ; all her joy to cozen ; she loves nothing but herself ; and draws all lines to that corrupted centre . This is nothing to what bills you 'll have when she 's brought to bed , after her hard bargain , as they call it ; then crammed capons , pea-hens , chickens in the grease , pottages , and fricasees , wine from Shatling , and La-fronds , with New River , clearer by sixpence the pound than ever God Almighty made it ; then midwife — dry nurse — wet nurse — and all the rest of their accomplices , with cradle , baby-clouts , and bearing-clothes — possets , caudles , broths , jellies , and gravies ; and behind all these , glisters , suppositers , and a barbarous apothecary 's bill , more inhuman than a tailor 's . Well , my lord , cheer up ! I have found a way to rid you of it all ; within a short time you shall know more ; yonder appears a young lady , whom I must needs speak with ; please you go in , and prepare the old lady and your mistress . Madam , I 'll teach you the very nearest , for I have just now found it out . Studying to deserve thee , Rose , by my diligence for thy lady ; I stand here , methinks , just like a wooden Mercury , to point her out the way to matrimony . I know not what you call the cold , but I believe I shall find warm work o n't : In the first place , then , I must acquaint you , that I have seemingly put off my master , and entered myself into Sir John 's service . And thereupon , but base —— Sir , I was only teaching my young lady a new song , and if you please you shall hear it . SINGS . Make ready , fair lady , to-night , And stand at the door below ; For I will be there , To receive you with care , And to your true love you shall go . A tragedy ! I 'll be hanged if he does not mean a stratagem . I see , sir , you 'll still mistake him for a wit ; but I 'm much deceived , if that letter came not from another hand . Nay , for that you shall excuse me , sir ; I do not love to make a breach between persons , that are to be so near related . Can you make a doubt o n't ? Do you not know she ever loved him , and can you hope she has so soon forsaken him ? You may make yourself miserable , if you please , by such a marriage . Her virtue ! Not I ; I assure you , sir , I think it no such jesting matter . Yes , in my conscience is she ; for Sir Martin 's tongue 's no slander . If one would believe him ,— which , for my part , I do not ,— he has in a manner confessed it to me . Courage , sir , never vex yourself ; I 'll warrant you ‘ tis all a lie . When you are married , you 'll soon make trial , whether she be a maid or no . Then you must never marry . As , for example , their drawing up their breaths , with — oh ! you hurt me , can you be so cruel ? then , the next day , she steals a visit to her lover , that did you the courtesy beforehand , and in private tells him how she cozened you ; twenty to one but she takes out another lesson with him , to practise the next night . ‘ Tis well , if you escape so ; for commonly he strikes in with you , and becomes your friend . Ay , there 's your man , sir ; besides , he will be sure to watch your haunts , and tell her of them , that , if occasion be , she may have wherewithal to recriminate : at least she will seem to be jealous of you ; and who would suspect a jealous wife ? But , if she be not a maid when you marry her , she may make a good wife afterwards ; ‘ tis but imagining you have taken such a man 's widow . Examples have been frequent of those that have been wanton , and yet afterwards take up . The truth is , an honest simple girl , that 's ignorant of all things , maketh the best matrimony : There is such pleasure in instructing her ; the best is , there 's not one dunce in all the sex ; such a one with a good fortune —— Near enough , but that you are too far engaged . What think you then of Mrs Christian here in the house ? There 's five thousand pounds , and a better penny . She 's none of the wise virgins , I can assure you . Remember , above all things , you keep this wooing secret ; if it takes the least wind , old Moody will be sure to hinder it . Leave that to me . There she is , sir ; now I 'll go to prepare her aunt . What-a-goodjer is the matter , sir ? A very fair beginning this . Not guilty , my lord . Pray pacify yourself , sir ; ‘ twas a plot of my own devising . What the devil 's the matter w'ye ? Either be at quiet , or I 'll resolve to take my heels , and begone . Help ! Murder ! Murder ! Hold your hands , I think the devil 's in you ,— I tell you ‘ tis a device of mine . O traitor to all sense and reason ! he 's going to discover that too . Stop yet , sir , you are just upon the brink of a precipice . There 's no making him understand me . Alas ! he has forgot it , sir ; good wits , you know , have bad memories . Lord , sir , how you stand , as you were nipped i'the head ! Have you done any new piece of folly , that makes you look so like an ass ? Noble sir , what have I done to deserve so great a liberality ? I confess , if you had beaten me for my own fault , if you had utterly destroyed all my projects , then it might have been expected , that ten or twenty pieces should have been offered by way of recompence or satisfaction . You are no ass then ? For this once produce those three pieces ; I am contented to receive that inconsiderable tribute ; or make ‘ em six , and I 'll take the fault upon myself . Yet advising ! I cannot help those ebbs and flows of fortune . As how , my dear lady embassadress ? Hey-day ! you are dealing with me , as they do with the bankrupts , call in all your debts together ; there 's no possibility of payment at this rate , but I 'll coin for you all as fast as I can , I assure you . Faith , and I will , Rose ; for , to confess the truth , I am a kind of mountebank ; I have but one cure for all your diseases , that is , that my master may marry Mrs Millisent , for then Sir John Swallow will of himself return to Mrs Christian . I 'll put you upon something , give me but a thinking time . In the first place , get a warrant and bailiffs to arrest Sir John Swallow upon a promise of marriage to Mrs Christian . I never doubted your ladyship in the least , madam — for the rest we will consider hereafter . Rose , where 's thy lady ? Only to tell you , madam , I am going forward in the great work of projection . Madam , I hope you are not become indifferent to my master ? A fool ! that were a good jest , i'faith : but how comes your ladyship to suspect it ? There 's nothing more distant than wit and folly ; yet , like east and west , they may meet in a point , and produce actions that are but a hair 's breadth from one another . O , madam , that 's the common fate of your Machiavelians ; they draw their designs so subtle , that their very fineness breaks them . Madam , I 'll give you one ; he wears his clothes like a great sloven , and that 's a sure sign of wit ; he neglects his outward parts ; besides , he speaks French , sings , dances , plays upon the lute . Most divinely , madam . He shall do't , madam :— - But how , the devil knows ; for he sings like a screech-owl , and never touched the lute . Now I think o n't , madam , this will but retard our enterprise . Well , it shall be done , madam ; but where 's your father ? will not he overhear it ? What concernment can he have there ? When did he see him last ? A sudden thought comes into my head , to make him appear before his time ; let my master pass for him , and by that means he may come into the house unsuspected by your father , or his rival . Faith , I am a little non-plus 'd on the sudden ; but a warm consolation from thy lips , Rose , would set my wits a working again . Inhuman Rose , adieu !— Blockhead Warner , into what a premunire hast thou brought thyself ; this ‘ tis to be so forward to promise for another ;— but to be godfather to a fool , to promise and vow he should do any thing like a Christian — Hang your white pelf : Sure , sir , by your largess , you mistake me for Martin Parker , the ballad-maker ; your covetousness has offended my muse , and quite dulled her . I am overheated , like a gun , with continual discharging my wit : ‘ Slife , sir , I have rarified my brains for you , ‘ till they are evaporated ; but come , sir , do something for yourself like a man : I have engaged you shall give to your mistress a serenade in your proper person : I 'll borrow a lute for you . You never learned : I do not think you know one stop . Go to , you are an invincible fool , I see . Get up into your window , and set two candles by you ; take my landlord 's lute in your hand , and fumble on it , and make grimaces with your mouth , as if you sung ; in the mean time , I 'll play in the next room in the dark , and consequently your mistress , who will come to her balcony over against you , will think it to be you ; and at the end of every tune , I 'll ring the bell that hangs between your chamber and mine , that you may know when to have done . About your business , then , your mistress and her maid appear already : I 'll give you the sign with the bell when I am prepared , for my lute is at hand in the barber 's shop . Death ! this abominable fool will spoil all again . Damn him , he stands making his grimaces yonder ; and he looks so earnestly upon his mistress , that he hears me not . They have found him out , and laugh yonder , as if they would split their sides . Why , Mr Fool , Oaf , Coxcomb , will you hear none of your names ? You have ruined all , by your not leaving off in time . Why , sir , are you stark mad ? have you no grain of sense left ? He 's gone ! now is he as earnest in the quarrel as Cokes among the puppets ; ‘ tis to no purpose whatever I do for him . Ay , just as much as you did e'en now with your music ; go , you are so beastly a fool , that a chiding is thrown away upon you . Poor animal , I pity thee ! That 's impossible ; thou hast a skull so thick , no sword can pierce it ; but much good may it do you , sir , with the fruits of your valour : You rescued your rival , when he was to be arrested , on purpose to take him off from your mistress . None that I know . ‘ Tis to no purpose . The meaning of this , dear Rose ? But will not this over-burden your memory , sir ? But hold , Rose , there 's one considerable point omitted ; what was his mother 's name ? Come , sir , are you perfect in your lesson ? Anthony Moody , born in Cambridge , bred in the isle of Ely , sent into the Mogul 's country at seven years old , with one Bonaventure , a merchant , who died within two years ; your mother 's name Dorothy Draw-water , the vintner 's daughter at the Rose . What country ?— Pox , he has forgot already ! Why , you have been passing your time there no matter how . Well , sir , now play your part exactly , and I 'll forgive all your former errors . This fool will discover himself ; I foresee it already by his carriage to her . You must excuse my master ; the sea 's a little working in his brain , sir . Yet again , stupidity ? aside . ] Grey-bearded old gentleman ! when he was a scholar at Cambridge ! Without doubt , he did , sir ; but this damn 'd isle of Scilly runs in his head , ever since his sea voyage . Poor Mrs Dorothy Draw-water , if she were now alive , what a joyful day would this be to her ! Well , they may talk what they will of Oxford for an university , but Cambridge for my money . How I sweat for him ! he 's remembering ever since he was born . ‘ Twas a happy thing , sir , you lighted upon so honest a merchant as Mr Bonaventure , to take care of him . That is , from India to Persia , from Persia to Turkey , from Turkey to Germany , from Germany to France . That wicked old man is gone for no good , I 'm afraid ; would I were fairly quit of him . But to what end is all this preparation , sir ? Why , d'ye think he is not ? Who , I his accomplice ? I beseech you , sir , what is it to me , if he should prove a counterfeit ? I assure you he has cozened me in the first place . As I hope for mercy , sir , I am an utter stranger to him ; he took me up but yesterday , and told me the story , word for word , as he told it you . With all my heart . Do you come hither , with a lye , to get a father , Mr Anthony of East India ? I 'll teach you to counterfeit again , sir . After my hearty salutations upon your backside , sir , may a man have leave to ask you , what news from the Mogul 's country ? Now , sir , you may see what comes of your indiscretion and stupidity : I always give you warning of it ; but , for this time , I am content to pass it without more words , partly , because I have already corrected you , though not so much as you deserve . You may thank yourself for't ; nay , ‘ twas very well I found out that way , otherwise I had been suspected as your accomplice . To confess the truth o n't , you had angered me , and I was willing to evaporate my choler ; if you will pass it by so , I may chance to help you to your mistress : No more words of this business , I advise you , but go home and grease your back . So , so ! here 's another of our vessels come in , after the storm that parted us . Enter ROSE . What comfort , Rose ? no harbour near ? Hark ! is not that music in your house ? Why , he does not know ‘ twas me , I hope ? Well , I am indulgent to you ; out with it boldly , in the name of nonsense . Would I were hanged , if it be not somewhat probable : Nay , now I consider better o n't — exceedingly probable ; it must take , ‘ tis not in nature to be avoided . Now am I so mad he should be the author of this device ! How the devil , sir , came you to stumble o n't ? This is so good , it shall not be your plot , sir ; either disown it , or I will proceed no further . Well , I 'll order it however to the best advantage : Hark you , Rose . We 'll be with you in a twinkling : You and I , Rose , are to follow our leaders , and be paired to night .—— What , is Rose split in two ? Sure I have got one Rose ! This amazeth me so much , I know not what to say , or think . Well , sir ! for my part , I will have nothing farther to do with these women , for , I find , they will be too hard for us ; but e'en sit down by the loss , and content myself with my hard fortune : But , madam , do you ever think I will forgive you this , to cheat me into an estate of two thousand pounds a-year ? Nay , I confess you have outwitted me . I might in policy keep you there , till your daughter and I had been in private , for a little consummation : But for once , sir , I 'll trust your good nature . You are mistaken , sir , I have been a master ; and , besides , there is an estate of eight hundred pounds a year , only it is mortgaged for six thousand pounds . Not with the lady that took him for a wit , I hope . For my part , I had loved you before , if I had followed my inclination . For that matter , never trouble yourself ; I can love as fast as any man , when I am nigh possession ; my love falls heavy , and never moves quick till it comes near the centre ; he 's an ill falconer , that will unhood before the quarry be in sight .Love 's an high-mettled hawk that beats the air , But soon grows weary when the game 's not near .EPILOGUE . As country vicars , when the sermon 's done , Run headlong to the benediction ; Well knowing , though the better sort may stay , The vulgar rout will run unblest away : So we , when once our play is done , make haste With a short epilogue to close your taste . In thus withdrawing , we seem mannerly ; But , when the curtain 's down , we peep , and see A jury of the wits , who still stay late , And in their club decree the poor play 's fate ; Their verdict back is to the boxes brought , Thence all the town pronounces it their thought . Thus , gallants , we , like Lilly , can foresee ; But if you ask us what our doom will be , We by to-morrow will our fortune cast , As he tells all things when the year is past . THE TEMPEST ; OR , THE ENCHANTED ISLAND . A COMEDY . THE TEMPEST . In this alteration of the “ Tempest , ” Dryden acknowledges his obligation to Sir William Davenant , whom he extols for his quick and piercing imagination . Sir William was the son of an inn-keeper in Oxford , whose house was frequented by our immortal Shakespeare ; and hence an ill-founded tradition ascribed to him a paternal interest in young Davenant : But this slander on Shakespeare 's moral character has been fully refuted in the Prolegomena to Johnson and Steevens ’ edition of his plays . Davenant was appointed poet laureat upon the death of Ben Jonson . During the civil wars , he distinguished himself on the royal side , was lieutenant-general of ordnance to the earl of Newcastle , and was knighted by Charles at the siege of Gloucester . He was afterwards much trusted by Henrietta , the queen-dowager ; and was finally made prisoner by an English man of war , in attempting to convey a colony of loyalists to Virginia . After a long captivity in the Tower , he was liberated through the intercession of the lord-keeper , Whitelocke ; the wisest and most temperate of the counsellors of the ruling power . Through his countenance , Sir William was protected , or connived at , in bringing forward certain interludes and operas , even during the rigid sway of fanaticism . After the restoration , he became manager of a company of players , called the duke of York 's servants , in distinction to the king 's company , which was directed by Killigrew . He introduced upon the stage much pomp in dress , scenery , and decoration , as if to indemnify the theatrical muses for the poor shifts to which they had been reduced during the usurpation . Sir William Davenant died in 1668 , at the age of 63 . “ Gondibert , ” his greatest performance , incurred , when first published , more ridicule , and in latter times more neglect , than its merits deserve . An epic poem , in elegiac stanzas , must always be tedious , because no structure of verse is more unfavourable to narration than that which almost peremptorily requires each sentence to be restricted , or protracted , to four lines . But the liveliness of Davenant 's imagination , which Dryden has pointed out as his most striking attribute , has illuminated even the dull and dreary path which he has chosen ; and perhaps few poems afford more instances of vigorous conceptions , and even felicity of expression , than the neglected “ Gondibert ." The alteration of the Tempest was Davenant 's last work ; and it seems to have been undertaken , chiefly , with a view to give room for scenical decoration . Few readers will think the play much improved by the introduction of the sea-language , which Davenant had acquired during the adventurous period of his life . Nevertheless , the ludicrous contest betwixt the sailors , for the dukedom and viceroyship of a barren island , gave much amusement at the time , and some of the expressions were long after proverbialMuch cannot be said for Davenant 's ingenuity , in contrasting the character of a woman , who had never seen a man , with that of a man , who had never seen a woman , or in inventing a sister monster for Caliban . The majestic simplicity of Shakespeare 's plan is injured by thus doubling his characters ; and his wild landscape is converted into a formal parterre , where “ each alley has its brother . ” In sketching characters drawn from fancy , and not from observation , the palm of genius must rest with the first inventor ; others are but copyists , and a copy shews no where to such disadvantage as when placed by the original . Besides , although we are delighted with the feminine simplicity of Miranda , it becomes unmanly childishness in Hippolito ; and the premature coquetry of Dorinda is disgusting , when contrasted with the maidenly purity that chastens the simplicity of Shakespeare 's heroine . The latter seems to display , as it were by instinct , the innate dignity of her sex ; the former , to shew , even in solitude , the germ of those vices , by which , in a voluptuous age , the female character becomes degraded . The wild and savage character of Caliban is also sunk into low and vulgar buffoonery . Dryden has not informed us of the share he had in this alteration : It was probably little more than the care of adapting it to the stage . The prologue is one of the most masterly tributes ever paid at the shrine of Shakespeare . From the epilogue , the Tempest appears to have been acted in 1667 . Although Dryden was under engagements to the king 's company , this play was performed by the duke 's servants , probably because written in conjunction with Davenant , their manager . It was not published until 1670 . Footnotes .PREFACE . The writing of prefaces to plays was probably invented by some very ambitious poet , who never thought he had done enough : Perhaps by some ape of the French eloquence , which uses to make a business of a letter of gallantry , an examen of a farce ; and , in short , a great pomp and ostentation of words on every trifle . This is certainly the talent of that nation , and ought not to be invaded by any other . They do that out of gaiety , which would be an impositionupon us . We may satisfy ourselves with surmounting them in the scene , and safely leave them those trappings of writings , and flourishes of the pen , with which they adorn the borders of their plays , and which are indeed no more than good landscapes to a very indifferent picture . I must proceed no farther in this argument , lest I run myself beyond my excuse for writing this . Give me leave , therefore , to tell you , reader , that I do not set a value on any thing I have written in this play , but out of gratitude to the memory of Sir William Davenant , who did me the honour to join me with him in the alteration of it . It was originally Shakespeare 's ; a poet for whom he had particularly a high veneration , and whom he first taught me to admire . The play itself had formerly been acted with success in the Black Friars : And our excellent Fletcher had so great a value for it , that he thought fit to make use of the same design , not much varied , a second time . Those , who have seen his “ Sea-Voyage , ” may easily discern that it was a copy of Shakespeare 's “ Tempest : ” The storm , the desert island , and the woman who had never seen a man , are all sufficient testimonies of it . But Fletcher was not the only poet who made use of Shakespeare 's plot : Sir John Suckling , a professed admirer of our author , has followed his footsteps in his “ Goblins ; ” his Regmella being an open imitation of Shakespeare 's Miranda , and his spirits , though counterfeit , yet are copied from Ariel . But Sir William Davenant , as he was a man of a quick and piercing imagination , soon found that somewhat might be added to the design of Shakespeare , of which neither Fletcher nor Suckling had ever thought : And , therefore , to put the last hand to it , he designed the counter-part to Shakespeare 's plot , namely , that of a man who had never seen a woman ; that by this means those two characters of innocence and love might the more illustrate and commend each other . This excellent contrivance he was pleased to communicate to me , and to desire my assistance in it . I confess , that from the very first moment it so pleased me , that I never writ any thing with more delight . I must likewise do him that justice to acknowledge , that my writing received daily his amendments ; and that is the reason why it is not so faulty , as the rest which I have done , without the help or correction of so judicious a friend . The comical parts of the sailors were also of his invention , and , for the most part , his writing , as you will easily discover by the style . In the time I writ with him , I had the opportunity to observe somewhat more nearly of him , than I had formerly done , when I had only a bare acquaintance with him : I found him then of so quick a fancy , that nothing was proposed to him , on which he could not suddenly produce a thought , extremely pleasant and surprising : and those first thoughts of his , contrary to the old Latin proverb , were not always the least happy . And as his fancy was quick , so likewise were the products of it remote and new . He borrowed not of any other ; and his imagination 's were such as could not easily enter into any other man . His corrections were sober and judicious : and he corrected his own writings much more severely than those of another man , bestowing twice the time and labour in polishing , which he used in invention . It had perhaps been easy enough for me to have arrogated more to myself than was my due , in the writing of this play , and to have passed by his name with silence in the publication of it , with the same ingratitude which others have used to him , whose writings he hath not only corrected , as he hath done this , but has had a greater inspection over them , and sometimes added whole scenes together , which may as easily be distinguished from the rest , as true gold from counterfeit , by the weight . But , besides the unworthiness of the action , which deterred me from it ,I am satisfied I could never have received so much honour , in being thought the author of any poem , how excellent soever , as I shall from the joining my imperfections with the merit and name of Shakespeare and Sir William Davenant . JOHN DRYDEN . December 1 . 1669 .PROLOGUE . As when a tree 's cut down , the secret root Lives under ground , and thence new branches shoot ; So , from old Shakespeare 's honoured dust , this day Springs up and buds a new-reviving play : Shakespeare , whodid first impart To Fletcher wit , to labouring Jonson art . He , monarch-like , gave those , his subjects , law ; And is that nature which they paint and draw . Fletcher reached that which on his heights did grow , Whilst Jonson crept , and gathered all below . This did his love , and this his mirth , digest : One imitates him most , the other best . If they have since outwrit all other men , ‘ Tis with the drops which fell from Shakespeare 's pen , The storm , which vanished on the neighbouring shore , Was taught by Shakespeare 's Tempest first to roar . That innocence and beauty , which did smile In Fletcher , grew on this enchanted isle . But Shakespeare 's magic could not copied be ; Within that circle none durst walk but he . I must confess ‘ twas bold , nor would you now That liberty to vulgar wits allow , Which works by magic supernatural things : But Shakespeare 's power is sacred as a king 's . Those legends from old priesthood were received , And he then writ , as people then believed . But if for Shakespeare we your grace implore , We for our theatre shall want it more : Who , by our dearth of youths , are forced to employ One of our women to present a boy ; And that 's a transformation , you will say , Exceeding all the magic in the play . Let none expect , in the last act , to find Her sex transformed from man to womankind . Whate'er she was before the play began , All you shall see of her is perfect man . Or , if your fancy will be farther led To find her woman — it must be a-bed . DRAMATIS PERSONAE . ALONZO , Duke of Savoy , and Usurper of the Dukedom of Mantua . FERDINAND , his Son . PROSPERO , right Duke of Milan . ANTONIO , his Brother , Usurper of the Dukedom . GONZALO , a Nobleman of Savoy . HIPPOLITO , one that never saw woman , right Heir of the Dukedom of Mantua . STEPHANO , Master of the Ship . THE TEMPEST ; OR , THE ENCHANTED ISLAND . A COMEDY . MUSTACHO , his Mate . TRINCALO , Boatswain . VENTOSO , a Mariner . Several Mariners . A Cabin-Boy . MIRANDA , } Daughters to PROSPERO , DORINDA , } that never saw man . ARIEL , an airy Spirit , Attendant on PROSPERO . Several Spirits , Guards to PROSPERO . CALIBAN , } Two Monsters of the Isle . SYCORAX , his Sister . } THE TEMPEST . ACT I .