“ The Young Man 's best Companion ” — a very excellent book for youth ; but at Mr. Niggle 's age , he ought to possess his best companion in a devoted and amiable wife ; heigho ! What a treasure I should be to any man that could properly understand me .“ The Epistles of Abelard and Heloise . ” I am pleased to see this book on his table , it proves that he possesses a taste for sentiment of the highest order , and can admire devotedness and passion under the most trying circumstances . “ The Newgate Calender . ” Bless the man , what can induce him to have such a book as this in his house ; surely he can have no sympathy with housebreakers and assassins ? I must look to this : should I ever be the mistress here , some of these volumes must be removed — this furniture too — very well for a bachelor ; but when he is married , a change must be made . And those curtains , how slovenly they are put up . Ah , any one can discover the want of a presiding female hand in a bachelor 's house — where is the neatness , the order , and the good taste that prevails in all the arrangements , where the master of the house is a married man . If ever I am Mrs. Niggle , down shall come those curtains , away shall go that sideboard , off shall go those chairs , and as for this table — let me look at its legs —— Oh ! how you frightened me . Good morning , Mr. Damper , I was merely observing Mr. Niggle 's table legs . What a censorious man you are , Mr. Damper , you rail at our sex as if you considered it man 's natural enemy , instead of his best friend . Is it possible that you have never loved a woman in all your life ? For , like most first great causes , you do n't understand us . It is entirely through your interference , I have been told , that he is in a state of celibacy ; and , though the poor gentleman is now fifty-five , yet ever since he arrived at years of discretion , he has been sighing and pining for a wife . How did you save him ? And he had to pay five hundred pounds damages , in an action for breach of promise . Oh , you monster , you ought to be poisoned . I have been waiting for him this half hour , to solicit his vote for a beadle . I am sure , sir , I was not aware that my friendly visits could cause anybody to talk , or at least be annoying to you ; however , I shall not intrude again — you know why I called yesterday . For what , sir ? He complained , a few days since , that he was without a pincushion , and could never recollect to purchase one ; and where was the harm , sir , in my supplying such a trifling want : I shall not be so attentive again , be assured . As for my call this morning , it was on parish business — a motive of charity ; but since my little acts of friendship are so sternly checked , of course those of charity must suffer at the same time . And I did hope to have your company to tea , to-morrow . Insulting creature ! Do you allude to Miss Coy ? I think I can guess the nature of the report — quite a full-grown young man , I hear . Shocking ! shocking ! Relating to the party you alluded to , Miss Skylark ? Very indeed ! We ought really to tell him what we have heard , and break off the match . And cards too ! Can it be ? Is it a fact ?It is , indeed , true ; and if he is not already married , he will be so very soon . I could n't have thought it , after — after —— Well , I hope he 'll be happy — I 'm sure he will — such an excellent temper — such taste in all matters . In elegance of costume , Mr. Boss , you completely bear away the palm . A young man of Mr. Boss 's figure , must in time strike those who would think it little trouble to conquer the faults of habit and nature , and make herself as near , what he may consider to be perfection , as possible . In an eminent degree . What a strange turn in affairs , and what a singular lady is that Miss Skylark . Nothing decided yet , she tells me . He still continues writing the most glowing letters that ever were penned . I am to see a few of them shortly ; but when the poor fellow is in her presence , he can scarcely utter a word , and though he has written nearly fifty most passionate billets , he has never once verbally alluded to the state of his feelings . And of course he can n't find courage to utter a word . You are very kind ! Beautiful ! Exquisite ! Oh , that I do , from the extreme point of your boot , to the loftiest summit of your hair . Good morning , Mr. Pinkey . You wish to see me ? ‘ Tis a general invitation to all our friends . You will find a card at your house , Miss Skylark . Perhaps Mr. P. will escort you . If you please . Do ! We 'll leave them together ; he may overcome his bashfulness when he gets used to being alone with his object . He is fond of her , no doubt — true love is never very loquacious . Ah , you will know it some day . For me to attempt to explain , would be to confess that I have experienced the emotion myself . No ! No , I declare . If I am much in your society , there is no knowing what I may experience .MISS SKYLARK seated , R ., looking after them ; sings . “ Is there a heart that never loved , Or felt soft woman 's sigh ! ” And is that basket full of Mr. Pinkey 's letters ? How very strange that he can never get courage to express the feelings , that you say he so beautifully describes in his epistles . What can be done to make him speak out ? Then where is the language of love ? And yet you tell me he writes so beautifully . Try me first with a little despair , then the enthusiasm will relish all the better afterwards . Poor fellow , how badly he must want a night 's rest . Pray do n't begin singing your love letters — we shall never get to the end of one of them . Eh ! Bless me , those words are very familiar to me ! I have that letter in my pocket at this very moment ! Nay , nay , the case is not so bad as you suppose it to be , though I have a similar letter in my possession , it is not from Mr. Pinkey . You see this book — look at its title . Mr. Pinkey 's despairing epistle is copied word for word , from that book . Look and be convinced — turn to page 20 . Eighteen-pence . Hush ! he 's here . Come in . Re-enter PINKEY with a paper in his hand , F. E. L . You 're very kind , I 'll go to them directly . What do you think ?— the young man that I have watched walking in the fields , every now and then , with the neice of the old maid at the cottage , and that we suspect is related to Miss Coy , is actually come here to tea this evening . I caught him making a sketch of my little house here , and I told him as he seemed so taken with the beauty of its exterior that he was welcome to step in and survey the interior . Then I told him that two friends of his were coming here this evening , and that I should be happy to see him meet them . And he is actually come ? Excellent ! I long to understand the mystery that not only seems to surround him , but Miss Coy , and the other two ladies . So what with them , and Niggle and Damper , who are both coming —— Oh , yes ; Mr. Boss of course . Now do n't look so sly at me — I confess the soft impeachment ; but it is purely platonic , it is indeed . Well , when we are altogether , I expect my tea party will go off with eclat . Come to us as soon as you can . Oh , no sir ; offer your arm to the lady that has the greatest right to it . Hand Miss Skylark some toast Mr. P. Put some coals on the fire , and bring me Mr. Damper 's cup . Do you intend permanently residing in this town ? Coals , Mr. Pinkey , and you do n't attend to Miss Skylark . No I do not .It 's a friend of your 's , Mr. Niggle . Pray walk in , Miss Coy ; pray walk in . Tea , Miss Coy ? Madam . What have I said . I see nothing offensive in the remark . What an extraordinary series of events , for one afternoon , and no learning who or what Miss Macaw and her neice are . And avoid copying letters . Now , Mr. Boss , will you step and look at my little parterre ? But you always make some valuable observation , whatever you may be regarding — you can n't help it — your natural good taste is so prevailing . Sincerely I do . It requires little effort to be agreeable where you are . Ah ! Oh ! Step this way , my dear . MISS SKYLARK enters following MISS SNARE , D. F . Ah ! Mr. Narcissus , I was looking for you . Take a seat for one moment , I beg . What is the matter , have you refused him ? I have no faith in platonic affections . We might as well think of playing at snow-balls in July . The ice-cellar of propriety may yield the snow , but the moment it becomes exposed to the warm air of temptation , it dissolves into its original liquid ! Oh , flatterer . I trust that I possess the candle of the sage , and have used it with more success than he did . That with its light I have discovered in you , not only an honest , but an elegant man . Oh ! Sir , that is a liberty I do not allow — there are certain bounds to familiarity , which once passed , we are in the highway of contempt . We have merely been friends , not lovers . You could not venture on a greater piece of indecorum , even after an accepted proposal ! Good evening sir ! How very strange there is no one to receive us . Ah , Mr. Niggle ! A little disagreement ; and as this gentleman had called at my house , he politely offered to bring me here , as I expressed an anxiety to see our new neighbour .BOSS enters , with MISS COY on his arm , C. D . Surely he is not going to throw himself away on Miss Coy . She can never appreciate him , I 'm sure . If I must confess , he attempted to salute me , before making a formal declaration ! All the improprieties of life are impulses .