Oh ! oh my ! oh my ! oh my ! There 's only one terrible word for it — it 's a fix ! How did we get led into it ? Halves , Sheba , please . The Fancy Dress Masked Ball at Durnstone is promoted by the Officers of the Hussars . I believe that the young gentleman you have impressed calls himself an officer , though he is merely a lieutenant . Very well , then . When to-night we appear at the Durnstone Athenaeum , unknown to dear Papa , on the arms of Major Tarver and Mr. Darbey , I consider that we shall be equally wicked . Oh , how can we be so wrong ? That 's true . Besides , there 's this to remember — we 're inexperienced girls and have only dear Papa . But oh , now that the Ball is to-night , I repent , Sheba , I repent ! You 'd repent now if you had seen the account for the fancy dresses . Yes , the Major enclosed it to me this morning . You know , Sheba , Major Tarver promised to get the dresses made in London , so I gave him our brown paper patterns to send to the costumier . No ; I sealed them up and marked outside “ To be opened only by a lady . ” Well , of course Major Tarver begged to be allowed to pay for the dresses , and I said I could n't dream of permitting it , and then he said he should be most unhappy if he did n't , and , just as I thought he was going to have his own way ,he cheered up and said he 'd yield to a lady .And oh ! he 's yielded . “ Debtor to Lewis Isaacs , Costumier to the Queen , Bow Street . One gown — period French Revolution , 1798 — Fifteen guineas ! ” “ Trimmings , linings , buttons , frillings — Seven guineas ! ” That 's mine ! “ One skirt and bodice — flower girl — period uncertain — Ten guineas . ” “ Trimmings , linings , buttons , frillings — Five guineas ! Extras , Two guineas . Total , Forty pounds , nineteen . Ladies ’ own brown paper patterns mislaid . Terms , Cash ! ” Oh , Sheba ! My heart weighs twenty . What shall we do ? Brought up as we have been , that 's out of the question ! Of course we 'll do that , but — the bill ! Poor dear Papa ! He has n't paid our proper dressmaker 's bill yet , and I 'm sure he 's pressed for money . Suppose poor Papa refuses to give us a present ? However , do n't let us wrong poor Papa in advance . Let us try to think how nice we shall look . Oh , I shall ! And as for stealing out of the house with Major Tarver when poor dear Papa has gone to bed , why , Gerald Tarver would die for me ! You 're not so very much younger than I , Sheba ! Why ! you cruel girl ! You know I can n't lengthen you till I 'm married ! You mean Major Tarver ? Poor Papa ! Am I all right , Sheba ? Yes .Here they are ! How well Gerald Tarver dismounts ! Oh ! No — only part of it . And that he gave to his Queen , brave fellow ! All right ; you be admiring my voice ! Here they are , and we 're doing nothing ! Yes — unconsciously . Major Tarver . You quite startled us . You need n't wait , Blore ! Yes , they came yesterday in a hamper labeled “ Miss Jedd , Secretary , Cast-off Clothing Distribution League . ” Dear Major Tarver , surely this terrible strain on your nerves is very , very bad for you with your — your —— Oh , Major Tarver ! Oh ! Indeed , indeed I will ! Major Tarver ! Poor dear Papa goes round with Blore at half-past nine — after that all is rest and peacefulness . But suppose dear Papa should hear us crunching down the gravel path ! Would you like a glass of water , Major Tarver ? Papa ! Papa ! Major Tarver and Mr. Darbey have ridden over from Durnstone to ask how your cold is . Leg of mutton , Papa ! Why , do n't you see , as you will have to drive over to dine , you will both be here , on the spot , ready to take us back to Durnstone ? Charles the First ! Oh , Major ! Oh ! Here is Papa ! Papa 's alone ! He always is ! Papa ! Have you any spare cash ? Lost ! Sheba 's small , but she cuts into a lot of material . Oh , Papa ! “ A Munificent Offer . Dr. Jedd , the Dean of St. Marvells , whose anxiety for the preservation of the Minister Spire threatens to undermine his health , has subscribed the munificent sum of one thousand pounds to the Restoration Fund . ”Oh ! “ On condition that seven other donors come forward , each with the like sum . ” And will they ? But if they do ! Speak , Father ! Good news ! To live with us ! What Aunt ? What 's she like ? Keep the expenses down ! But , Papa , who is Aunt what'shYpppHeNherhYpppHeNname ? A bad man ? How awful it all sounds ! I would n't be in her shoes for something ! Yes , and the peg out of the rattling window ! I — I am Salome . So do I . But she 's not my idea of a weary fragment or a chastened widow . We 'll come back in a minute . Oh , Sheba ! No , it 's Sheba . I have n't , any more than you have , Sheba . Forty pounds , nineteen . We are ! Oh , do , do , do ! Do ! Do , and we 'll love you for ever and ever , Aunt Georgiana . Oh ! All right , Aunt George — two lumps , please . Do you think so , Aunt ? I thought the dinner was an overwhelming success . That 's our new cook 's one failing . Well , it was Cook 's first attempt at custards . But it was a frightfully jolly dinner — take it all round . Gerald Tarver has no liver — to speak of . Still , we ought to congratulate ourselves upon — upon a —— All 's settled , Sheba , is n't it ? How do we get in again ? We 're courageous girls , are n't we ? If we had known Aunt a little longer we might have confided in her and taken her with us . Against what , Papa ? Major ! Not well again ? But what would you do if the trumpet summoned you to battle ? Now you 're yourself again . What will you begin with ? I hope my ball-dress will drive all the other women mad ! Where is it ? Are we safe ? Yes , yes .Papa , Major Tarver and Mr. Darbey must go . Do n't risk the cold , Papa . Oh ! oh ! oh ! If we only had a brother to avenge us ! Cold , wretched , splashed , in debt — for nothing ! This comes of stooping to the Military ! Gerald Tarver 's nose is inclined to pink — may it deepen and deepen till it frightens cows ! There they are . Yes . Curl your lip , Sheba . We blame gentlemen for inflicting upon us the unspeakable agony of being jeered at by boys . No , Aunt , no ! Poor Papa ! No , no . Spare him ! It will wake Papa ! Fly ! Poor Papa ! He must return very soon — he must ! But the anxiety is terribly wearing . Sheba , dear . Thank you , dear , but if Papa is not home for afternoon tea you will outlive me . Sheba ! Here are Gerald Tarver and Mr. Darbey ! You do well , gentlemen , to intrude upon two feeble women at a moment of sorrow . Oh , we cannot listen to you , Mr. Darbey . Oh , certainly . I am helpless . I beg your pardon — it does nothing of the kind . Oh , Major Tarver , let me pass ;let me pass , I say . And is it really I who would hush the little throaty songster ? Oh , do n't ! Papa has been out all night . DARBEY and TARVER . All night ? Is n't it terrible ! Oh , what do you think of it , Mr. Darbey ? Condemn my Papa ! Come this way and let us take cuttings in the conservatory . Our own Papa ! Our parent returned ! Papa , why have you tortured us with anxiety ? You could n't have been there , Papa ! Papa ! Papa , we , poor girls as we are , can pay the bill . We have won fifty pounds . Papa ! Major Tarver and Mr . Darbey !—— We have an opportunity of beginning life afresh .