Hey , fellow , let thy vis-a-vis come to the door . Sir , I will venture as soon as I can expose myself to the ladies . My wound !— I would not be in eclipse another day , though I had as many wounds in my body as I have had in my heart . So mind , Varole , let these cards be left as directed ; for this evening I shall wait on my future father-in-law , Sir Tunbelly , and I mean to commence my devoirs to the lady , by giving an entertainment at her father 's expense ; and hark thee , tell Mr. Loveless I request he and his company will honour me with their presence , or I shall think we are not friends . So well that I have ardered my coach to the door — so there 's no danger of death this baut , Tam . That I believe a lie .— Because I remember mine did so when I heard my uncle was shot through the head . Pr'ythee , why so ? Well !— Naw , strike me dumb ! he starved me ; he has let me want a thausand women for want of a thausand paund . If I was a younger brother I should think so too . Never , stap my vitals ! Because she 's a woman of insolent virtue , and I thought myself piqued in honour to debauch her . The greatness of your necessities , Tam , is the worst argument in the waurld for your being patiently heard . I do believe you are going to make a very good speech , but , strike me dumb ! it has the worst beginning of any speech I have heard this twelvemonth . I do believe thou art : but , come , let 's know the affair quickly . Why , faith , Tam , to give you my sense of the thing , I do think taking a purse the best remedy in the waurld ; for if you succeed , you are relieved that way , if you are taken, you are relieved t'other . Why , do you then really think it a reasonable thing , that I should give you five hundred paunds ? Then thou art willing to receive it anyhow , strike me speechless ! But these are damned times to give money in ; taxes are so great , repairs so exorbitant , tenants such rogues , and bouquets so dear , that the devil take me I 'm reduced to that extremity in my cash , I have been forced to retrench in that one article of sweet pawder , till I have brought it down to five guineas a maunth — now judge , Tam , whether I can spare you five paunds . All I can say is , you should have been a better husband . Do n't be in a passion , Tam , for passion is the most unbecoming thing in the waurld — to the face . Look you , I do n't love to say anything to you to make you melancholy , but upon this occasion I must take leave to put you in mind that a running horse does require more attendance than a coach-horse . Nature has made some difference twixt you and me . That is not all , Tam . Ask the ladies . I do , stap my vitals ! Sir , I am proud at being at the head of so prevailing a party . Look you , Tam , you know I have always taken you for a mighty dull fellow , and here is one of the foolishest plats broke out that I have seen a lang time . Your poverty makes life so burdensome to you , you would provoke me to a quarrel , in hopes either to slip through my lungs into my estate , or to get yourself run through the guts , to put an end to your pain . But I will disappoint you in both your designs ; far , with the temper of a philasapher , and the discretion of a statesman — I shall leave the room with my sword in the scabbard .