One would not think , Sir , how much blood had stain 'd Old England , since we left her , finding thus All things so peaceful ; but one thing I mark 'd As we did skirt the village . The king 's face was defac 'd — the sign o ’ the inn At jolly Master Gurton 's — mind you not How sad it look 'd ? Yet ‘ neath it I 've been gay , A time or two ; ‘ tis not my fortune now : Those bright Italian skies have even marr 'd My judgment of clear ale . One jovial day Of honest mud and wholesome English fog . Hem ! I doubt much About this welcoming .— Sad human Nature ! This brother was a careful , godly youth That kept accounts , and smiling pass 'd a beggar , Saying , “ Good-morrow , friend , ” yet never gave . Where head doth early ripen , heart comes late — Therefore , I say , I doubt this welcoming . What answer shall I bear to my master ? My master is a very Puritan , sir ! I desire no better , sir ! I thank you , than where I am . And die ! Worshipful Master Basil ! you will excuse me , but I must speak my master 's mind . He saith he hath signed away his inheritance to thee , and that he expects this small gift , ere he comes among ye . He is but in sorry plight of dress , and he hath ever shown much affection for you . You will not see him ?— Nor send him the money ?— You have no other message ?— Oh ! Well , sir , I think the execution of my barren commission needs no farther stay . Touching that small portion of mammon wherewith thou wouldst endow my master 's passage across the seas , in his name I will venture to refuse the gratility . Art thou not his cousin , lady ? He hath often spoken of thee far hence . Lady ! believe it not ;— for I affect much his society .He is a good master and kind , though of a strange mood . For women , he cannot abear them . I am going to the inn , where he awaits me . Will it please you to meet me opposite the old barn in two hours ? By'r lady , angels ! both of them . So this publican hath ceased to be a sinner ! To think now of old sophisticate Gurton being called Hezekiah Newborn . Gadso , he babbles of salvation like the tap his boy left running this morning to see the troop of cavaliers go by . Yet I marked the unregenerate Gurton swore round ere Newborn found his voice to upbraid sourly as becomes a saint . He hath been more civil since I heard him . O Newborn , how utterly shalt thou be damned ! Master Gurton ! thy belly hath kept pace with thy righteousness . Simply , thou art known to me . I am William Nutbrown . He was ! A youth of promise . Behold the fulfilment in these legs , this manly bosom ! From the land of beccaficos , mine old Newborn ! but thou understandest not — thou hast merely observed the increase of local timber and the decay of pigeon-houses . Thy sole chronicle hath been the ripe birth of undistinguishable curly-headed village children , and the green burial of undistinguished village bald old men hath been thine only lesson . Thou hast simply acquired amazement at the actions of the man of experience . Doth a quart measure still hold a quart ? Well , well , thou shalt finish anon . Thou shalt tell me all hereafter . Thou hadst — nearly . Come , no lies with me ! I shall doubt thee if thou cantest one word except in thy calling . Yet I saw by thy first look thou wert glad to see me ; so give me thy hand , and I will shake it ere some one calls for a draught of ale , and thou dost relapse into the sordid and muddy calculation that makes thy daily self , and so forget that the friend of thy youth hath revisited thee . Nay , fear not , I will not betray thee to thy present customers . But first tell me , why thou art so changed : seeing that the cavaliers should be thy best friends ? Hold ! Thy reasons are sufficient — Thou art , worthy Hezekiah ! become a saint , to escape martyrdom . Methinks I see the gallant foin at thy belly .Sa ! sa ! I shall die ! Gadzookers ! thus , was it thus !— and thy wife — a cuckoldy villain — merely a figure of speech though , Master Gurton ! Eh ? Thou didst not suspect ? Nay , I 'll be bound not . Sa ! Sa ! Well , thou hast reason for thanksgiving . But I think thy wife was right , if the poor gentleman 's thrust was drunken , ‘ twas a compliment to thy wine . A scurvy rogue to ask for his money when he was poor , and thy wine did affect him . Well , I pity thee , and will say no more . My master is young Arthur Walton . He hath returned . He gave up the fortune to his brother Basil . No ! no ! He is here , and now he wanteth assistance from his brother ; for we are in some present straits , and this Basil will have nought to say to him . What I shall want of thee is information of the family ; and mayhap thy daughter will have to see Mistress Florence for us with a message . The Philistines be upon thee ! With horns , a n't please you ,very like Master Newborn there . Dost think the gentleman eats suppers ? Nor I , for my master to be a fat-witted Duke , and I his chief serving-man . What the devil !— 3rd Sold . Ay ! uplift thy voice against Beelzebub . Gurton ! for this I will undo thee . Newborn ! thou didst just now water thine ale . Hezekiah ! thou dissemblest , which is more than thy wife used to do ; for she feared thee not . These be ignorant knaves . I will practice on them . It may come to good .The Lord leadeth his people through the wilderness to salvation , crinkeldom cum crankeldom . Of all thirsts , there be none like that after righteousness .— For strong ale , which I think hath to do with the conversion of this Gurton .1st Sold . Lift thy voice higher , that we stumble not in the dark . I would I could remember a text — anything will do —The General Cromwell hath , they say , a red nose , and doth never spit white , which I look upon as a great sign , as was the burning bush to Moses ! 2nd Sold . Ha ! Blasphemest thou ? 3rd Sold . He scoffeth ! 4th Sold . Down with him . Think ! what of ? Thy late wife 's virtue ? I would she were here . Well , it might have been worse , for they might have drunk it , and departed in that military haste which precludes payment . Truly at the burial of one Generosity ! A fool in this world , but an angel of light in the next ; if the word of God be true , which I remember to have heard in my childhood in the church there . About the setting of the sun , when he had no more to give . I saw none in the garb of mourning , though many wore long faces , because their gain was stopped . Other names than his own . Extravagance , folly , imprudence , were the best terms there . One whom he had released from gaol , carved madness with a flint stone . There was but one would have painted his true name , but his tears defaced it — a humble dependent , who had been faithful to him , but whom he regarded not , being accustomed to his services . Ay , and thy cousin . She is a rare girl , and remembereth thee well . Thy brother is not attached to thee . He will give thee five hundred pounds if thou wilt swear to quit England for ever . He abuseth thee finely , saith thou art a debauched vagabond , which is an insult to me thy serving companion , whom he threatened with the stocks . Wilt thou not slay him ? Thy cousin would see thee . She is miserable about something , and will be here presently . You have bad stuff to deal with . He will not become good suddenly , as in some stage-plays . You shall not frown him into a virtuous act . Nevertheless , abuse him , an ‘ twill do thee good . Look you , dear master , I will describe him . He hath a neat and cheerful aspect , and talketh very smoothly ; nay , for a time he shall agree with everybody , that you shall think him the most good-natured fellow alive ; he shall be as benevolent as a lawyer nursing his leg , whilst he listens to the tale of him whom his client oppresseth , and you shall win him just as easily . Let the question of gain put him in action , and the devil inside shall jump out , like an ape stirred up to malice . He affects , too , a vulgar frankness , which is often the mask of selfishness , as a man who helps himself first at table with a “ ha ! ha ! ” in a facetious manner , a jocose greediness , which is most actual , real earnest within . Bless you , he hath reasons ! he would refuse tenpence to a starving wretch , because he owed ten pounds to his shoemaker , though he had ten thousand in his coffers at home . Yet would he still owe the ten pounds . And yet so meanly would he adopt appearances in the world 's eye , that should he have to cross a muddy street where a beggar kept a passage clear with his besom , lest the gallants should soil their bravery , he would time his crossing , till one driven , or on horseback , should be near , that he might pass hurriedly on without giving him a groat , as in fear of being o'erridden . Like Judas — Thy cousin is very beautiful and gentle . Sir , they come ! Your collar is unfasten 'd and your hair disorder 'd . Let me — Just a moment .— Young woman ! I doubt not your attachment , nor wonder at your love ; but it cannot be returned . Principle forbids ; and this heart is blighted . This beard — what think you of it ? Yet ‘ tis not for you . Do you know , lively rustic , that the beard of Mars , the god of war , is auburnly inclined ? It is much affected by the ladies of the south . What a rank prude is woman , thus to disguise her inclination . They call thee Barbara — Bab ! restrain not thy fancy . Come , hang round my neck and love me . What ! wouldst thou be an exception to thy sex ? Sweet Bab , I love thee . Thou wouldst not have it said by anything but a man . Thou wilt not forget ? They are , sir ! Mistress Florence and Barbara , sir ! My master bloody ?— A dead man on the ground !— a knight of the road by his looks —What a grim stranger ! Sir ! I wait on this gentleman . What a look !I am sure he is either the devil , or some great Christian .I will , my Lord !Come along ! To think now this dead , two-legged thing should have been active enough just now to catch a four-footed live deer . No sooner does a man die , but you would think he had swallowed the lead of his coffin . Come along ! Lord ! how helpless it is ! Why , he shall no more kick at his petty devouring , no , no more than if he were a dead king ! Yes ! yes , from Italy , Rome , gracious sir ! Us 'd to these things , you see — If I should be impertinent to him , ‘ twill be behind his back . He hath a quelling eye ; although a man fear not . Now , amidst other brave men with swords , he would be as one that carried sword , and petronel to boot . Nay , sir ! I do remember as we stood in the mouldy big Circus , having sundry of the lousy population idling within , whereby I did then liken it to a venerable cheese , in which is some faint stir of maggotry , that thou didst make a memorable speech against the land , where the only vocation of a nobleman is to defile the streets and be pimp to his own wife . So my master hath at last turned roundhead with a vengeance , and therefore I , to whom the rogue is necessary , am here , on the brink of nowhere . To think that so much merit may be quenched by the mechanical art of a base gunner , who hath no fear in his actions ; for I take it that a discreet reverence for the body we live in , which the vulgar term fear , shows the best proof of the value of the individual . Egad ! life here is as cheap as the grass on an empty common , where there is no democracy of goose to hiss at the kingly shadow of a single ass in God 's sunshine . My master hath not done well ; for he must have known that I could not leave him without a moral guide and companion — to die , too , with the sin of my unpaid wages on his conscience . Well , pray heaven , there come soon a partition of the crown jewels amongst us , after which I will withdraw this right arm from a cause I cannot approve ; but to cherish principles one should not lack means ; therefore ,lie thou there , carnal device ! and I will go look for a barber and be despoiled , like a topsy-turvy Samson , not to lose strength , but to gain it . I thank heaven that our camp did yesterday fall in dry places , for there were many of these sour-visaged soldiers called me Jonah , and I did well to escape ducking in a horse-pond . Soft , here be some of them coming . Yestere'en I committed sacrilege in a knapsack , and stole a small Bible from amid great plunder for my salvation . Now will I feign to read it , and I doubt not the sin will be pardoned , for self-preservation is the second law of nature , as I have generally observed fornication to be the first ! Enter a party of Soldiers , R .These be some of Oliver 's Ironsides ; every one of whom is , as David , a man of war and a prophet ; truly they are more earnest and sober than the others . 1st Troop . To-morrow we shall sup in York . How the man of war identifies himself with the remnant of those that shall sup . 2nd Troop . Not so — for this morning , when a surrender was demanded , they would have hanged our messenger . That raging Beelzebub , Rupert , in expected hourly to the relief .There ! there ! he is come . 1st Troop . What say the generals ? 2nd Troop . Our own Cromwell is very prompt ; but the rest chafe much , and the Scots are sore backsliders . 3rd Troop . I would we might be led on and the trumpets sounded , that the walls of yon Jericho might fall about their ears , and deliver them into our hands alive . Worthy martialist ! may I speak ? 1st Troop . Ay so ? Is the King there in person ? 2nd Troop . Surely not ; he is in that city of abomination , Oxford . Is it not true that ye did ask them that guard the city to yield it in the King 's name ? 2nd Troop . I heard the message : it was so worded . ‘ Tis an excellent contradiction , to fight for and against . If ye should meet the King now in battle , would you fire on him with your pistols , or cleave him with your swords ? 1st Troop . Nay ! What , in his own name , kill him for himself , for his own sake , as it were ? I would fain argue that with your general —— another time . Farewell , worthy sirs ! Here 's gory enthusiasm ! Now whilst every man is ready to preach individually on his own account , and the whole collectively are about to sing a psalm , I will endeavour to steal away unperceived , lest any of them , imagining himself somewhere between Deuteronomy and Kings , should take it upon himself to proclaim that I come from Gibeon , and so — Nay ! worthy sir , knock out the priming of your wrath from the matchlock of your vengeance , and abide till to-morrow , when you shall see many a stout fellow and gormandizer to boot levelled .Great Sir ! they complain that the wine is thin . A n't please you , we had no time for grace ; but we return thanks to you , under Heaven . I was about to fight ; but they waited not for me . It is all over now . The king hath no more chance than a butterfly three days at sea amongst a covey of Mother Carey 's chickens . I would pursue , but lack spurs and a horse , or you should not find me here ;or within ten miles of it . Ah ! you would have watered me in a pond two days since ; but here — this is better than water . An ’ this be not a lesson ! I have no father that is a malignant , and could therefore only undergo simple murder . However ,rest thou there ! in Mercy 's hallowed name — nay more , as rashness is animal , so a due timidity is soul , which is mind , and I have a great mind to run away , and mind being soul , I think I have a greater soul than Alexander .Now if it were not for that , this foolish brute , my body , might rush off in that direction , but it do n't , for a great mind prevents it , therefore — So now , a letter from my Master to his cousin , and then , of course , an answer to that . I had need go get myself fitted like Mercury , with wings at his heels . To be the lacquey of a man that hath quarrelled with his mistress ! And to know the final issue all the time , that it is sure to be made up between them . And to hear him mutter “ the last , ” between his teeth , while sealing it . He was to have journeyed this evening , too , but the General Cromwell , with a face very red and perturbed , and a nose as it were of lava ; his wart being ignited like the pimple of a salamander , hath been desiring to see him instantly . There is something going to happen among them . Well , in these confused days , Since I 'm of those that have got nought to lose , Perchance I may step in some richer shoes ! Come on , I tell thee they are all gone . Have I not liberty here ? Is there no way to save him ? If now it were the marriage of his heart something might occur ; but I never yet heard of an accident on the road to a gallows . If he had been slain on the right side , and died comely with a love-lock as a gentleman should . But to perish by the false canting rebel that he served . He a traitor ! My master ! The innocentest youth alive . Why even I , that have some claim , could not find it in my heart to cheat him . It would have been an insult to my understanding to impose upon him that had no suspicions , and would leave out his doublet in the morning to be cleaned unemptied , when he had won uncounted pieces of gold at night — Alas ! Alas ! This way , this way ! Ay , ask us , ask me !— Hanging is too good for you . You are found out , and‘ twas this blessed old fool that has undone you . Yes , you may look , but your hair will not curl any longer . Your plot is discovered . Noll knows all , and will only spare your life on condition of the colonies .Look there ! There is happiness — there 's fish-hooks and broken glass bottles and tin-tacks in your gullet . Stomach that . Tol de rol ! Ay , thou art an Eldorado of cunning . No , indeed , thou didst not , and had I not been there to extract the pearl of discovery from the jaw-bone of ignorance with the forceps of discernment , my Master by this time had been sped . Thy experience did ever squint , and the obliquity of the mind grows worse with years . Yet I grant thee , as it hath happened , thou hast been equal to the occasion , which is true greatness , and that thou art great no one who looks at thee can deny . I am glad that Wyckoff hath at length paid his long reckoning . Did you not see them take him ?— Stop , stop , thou art struck with an apoplexy of sense . Wisdom peeps through both thine eyes , like the unexpected apparition of a bed-ridden old woman at a garret window . Thou art the very owl of Minerva , and the little bill , that thou ever carriest with thee , is given thee for this purpose , to peck at man 's frailty in the matter of repayment . Come , thou art in danger . I must have thee bled . Substance ? Why there is scarcely a doorway thou canst pass through ; and if one of Hell 's gate-posts be not put back a foot or two , thou wilt be left , at thy latter end , like a huge undelivered parcel in the lumber-room of Charon . Nay , I meant not to offend thee . Come , we part soon . My master will pay thee thrice that thou hast lost by this captain . Come along , come along . The boat stays under the bridge . Mistress Barbara is already on board the ship , and swears that tar is the perfumery of Satan . Come , I may never see thee again , and although we shall not moisten our parting with tears , it would scarcely , methinks , be appropriate that we should say to each other “ God be with you ! ” thirsting .