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But after some hours of hesitation and , apparently , " consultations , " Bulatovic explained that his remarks had been only a statement of fact and not a formal proposal to establish a state of emergency . " struggling with his destiny and trying to save himself , " as he expressed it himself afterwards , and for some hours he even made a dash out of the town on urgent business , terrible as it was to him to lose sight of Grushenka for a moment .