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And when indeed I wish to speak of Carthage , I seek within myself what to speak , and I find within myself a notion or image of Carthage ; but I have received this through the body , that is , through the perception of the body , since I have been present in that city in the body , and I saw and perceived it , and retained it in my memory , that I might find within myself a word concerning it , whenever I might wish to speak of it . I rode away from Margery Key 's , having been delayed but a moment , and the quaver of her blessings was yet in my ears , when verily I did see that which I have never understood . Had been invited to the altar several times , all the time becoming more deeply impressed , when finally I decided I must do this , or I should be lost . So then when I had to take my child to the Dentist I got fired because they said I did n't have that day back when indeed I did . Unfortunately what has happened - - when finally I did get access to my files through Freedom of Information - - I discovered a few years ago that my transcript of the hearings and so on had been destroyed by the Department several years ago . If he is in fact so dense to read it that way - - when neither I nor the editors at the New York Times did - - that says more about his analytical abilities than it does my sanity . For the first time I felt as though I was really experiencing these prints and these photographs in an intensely meaningful way , and I now think that cannabis can be a good way to rekindle my awareness of the world when so I spend my days experiencing life in cursory glances and snippets . These are the same yahoos who were saying in year 1 that there was no arc at all , kept saying it right up until Signs and Portents , when finally I whacked them hard enough that even they could see it ...