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The version quoted above has been bouncing around the Internet since 1997 , and — although we ca n't be sure that he was the originator of all the entries — it sounds a lot like a routine comedian Bill Maher typically performs in his stand-up shows , during which he offers " translations of rap lyrics for white people . The men from the sampans bolted erect , stiff with shock for only an instant before they sprang for cover like a herd of panicked gazelles Kerry had once seen on TV 's Wild Kingdom . President Clinton and his wife , Hillary , are the last First Couple who will receive such a benefit ; President George W. Bush and all who succeed him in the White House will be limited to receiving Secret Service protection for a period of not more than 10 years from the time they leave office . It does n't mention the word " Israel " once ( nor do its filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission ) , although the company is proud that its employees have donated hundreds of pounds of coffee to American troops serving in Afghanistan and Iraq . Although students have very different backgrounds , ranging from very little knowledge on nature management to being very knowledgeable , all students are able to reach the objectives of the case study . Senators and Representatives might vote against a defense appropriations bill for any numbers of reasons — because they object to the presence or absence of a particular item , because they feel that the government is proposing to spend too much or too little money on defense , or anything in-between . ' " When you start to say , in very loaded terms — particularly when Israelis are under assault by terrorists , not unlike the situation we find ourselves in — that America should n't take sides in the Israeli-Palestinian dispute , that 's a break in more than half a century of the American foreign policies carried out by presidents of both parties , and it 's very harmful . Likewise , when the political divisions that preceded the Civil War produced a four-way race for the White House in 1860 , Senator Stephen Douglas of Illinois finished last despite receiving as many popular votes as the second - and third-place candidates combined , because he was the first-choice candidate of only a single state ( Missouri ) . I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate . Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car ( the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle ) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone , your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight . We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we ca n't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies . Before you take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD leadership for attempting to get the families in the military 's lowest pay brackets off AFDC , WIC , and food stamps , I suggest that you join a group of deploying soldiers headed for Saudi — I leave the choice of service branch up to you . The Boston townhouse ( which John Kerry mortgaged in 2003 to finance his presidential bid ) is the only one of these homes that they own as a couple ; the other four belonged to Teresa before her 1995 marriage to John Kerry , and some of them are even still listed under the name of her late husband . He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating ' Mission Accomplished . As in , make sure you show up at the polls on Tuesday , November 7 , not some other day — no matter which party you're voting for. Origins : This bit of election humor from 2004 combines a couple of elements we've seen before : the concept of driving with headlights on during the daytime to express solidarity with a group , and the partisan humor of suggesting that adherents of different parties engage in similar activities that ( if implemented ) would work to the detriment of one side . He could n't have served a full year 's tour of duty in Vietnam , because he had considerably less than a year 's service remaining of his two-year hitch when he arrived in that country . His discharge was not , as the piece quoted above claims , a " special dispensation , " and it cut only two months ( not seven ) from a tour of duty that could not have lasted much more than seven months in the first place . He wo n't pay those taxes because he is already rich ! Tomsk and Novosibirsk are in the first group of cities because they have a big number of students and teachers .