: I would like to get your opinions on this: when exactly does an engaged
: couple become "married" in God's eyes?  Some say that if the two have
: publically announced their plans to marry, have made their vows to God, and
: are unswervingly committed to one another (I realize this is a subjective
: qualifier) they are married/joined in God's sight.

The way I read Scripture, a couple becomes married when they are *physically*
married, i.e. when they first have sexual intercourse.

e.g. the end of Genesis 2 (quoted from memory) ``for this reason, a man shall
leave his parents and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh''
(Jesus also quotes this scripture referring to marriage).

If you read through Genesis in particular, you will often come across the
phraseology: ``[man] lay with [woman], and she became his wife''. This
implies that she became his wife when they lay together, i.e. at the
point of intercourse.

Compare this with Jewish tradition: Joseph, when he heard that Mary
was pregnant, had it in mind to divorce her quietly -- but Mary and Joseph were
*betrothed*, not married. i.e., they were in a binding relationship (which
required a divorce to get out of), but *marriage* would not occur until Mary
and Joseph went to bed together.

Compare with Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5, Revelation 19): the church is
described as the ``bride'' of Christ, but the *marriage* of the Lamb takes 
place when Jesus returns. i.e., we are in a binding love-relationship with
Jesus, but we are still looking forward to the time when the marriage will
take place. I see this as the spiritual equivalent of sexual intercourse,
because it represents the most intimate fellowship possible between man and God.

In summary, engagement should be honoured as a binding relationship, but it is
not marriage. A civil ceremony is not marriage either. Marriage occurs at the
point when the betrothed couple go to bed together. (I don't mean to demean the
civil or church ceremony -- ours was great! I don't mean to be too pedantic.)
Historically, I think I am correct in stating that the civil ceremony (i.e. a
marriage recognised by the state), has only been around in the West since
Napoleon, who introduced it to keep tabs on the people (although I'm ready to be
corrected on that point!)

This view obviously raises some questions:

What about those who have had sex with one or more partners, without considering
marriage. Are those people also ``married''?

If it is true that marriage occurs at the point of intercourse, is it necessary
to be married in the eyes of the state? (I would say Yes, because this honours
the laws of our nations in the West. Although it is not illegal to sleep
together though unmarried in most Western countries, I believe that it is God-
honouring to proclaim our marriage to the state and to our friends before
actually consummating our marriage. Its to do with our being salt and light, and
also to do with how people will perceive us; i.e. it is culturally insensitive
to declare yourself married without going through a civil ceremony.)

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Michael Davis (cs89mcd@brunel.ac.uk)