3.3.1. Realities of War
Participants engaging in 3MDR reported feeling broken and not understanding why previous treatments had not been able to address this overall state. Early in 3MDR treatment, participants expressed that many of the realities of war or their deployment experiences were unresolved or incomplete. For example, participants noted that, once deployed, their experiences were nothing like they had expected, and they had to reconcile the decisions they made or followed. Participants often found themselves putting their heads down, following orders, and putting mission over morals because it was their job; deviating from their role could put their comrades, troops, friends, and civilians at risk. However, despite intellectually acquiescing to their duty to put the mission first, participants reported feeling helpless, hopeless, confused, jaded, disempowered, and angry. In response to this distress, participants noted creating a “black box”– an intrapsychic place where soldiers file responses and reactions (psychological, emotional, behavioral) which could infringe on their ability to do their job. While distinct and uniquely personal, participants noted common narratives which were often rooted in burying conflicting emotions- and values-based accounts about deployment experiences. More simply, the contents of their black boxes were a tangled mess of deeply personal, unpleasant emotions and conflicting beliefs and narratives about themselves, their identity as a soldier, the military, and the world in general.





