3.3.2. Wrestling Scruples
disillusionment, guilt, contempt, disgust, rage, bitterness,, confusion, shock, numbness, traumatic, PTSD
EVENTS, SHOCK
During 3MDR, participants’ narratives offered insight into trauma-related symptoms that differed from PTSD criteria. While they may have experienced significant traumatic events during their time during or after service, these experiences were not always the most injurious or may not have directly resulted in an MI. A melding of continuous and conflicting experiences, an inability to resolve their distress, and a perceived lack of support through their career culminated in MI. While guilt and shame, the proposed signature symptoms of MI, were present, significant other emotions such as horror, contempt, disgust, rage, bitterness, numbness, despair, disappointment, worthlessness, regret, shock, disillusionment, and confusion were also often comorbid. Participants reported feeling stuck and alone in this liminal cognitive and existential nightmare, constantly questioning their worldview, beliefs, actions, moral compass, and selves. Central to this theme was an unresolved dissonance between what participants perceived as “ought ‘‘ to have happened versus what truly “did” happen.






