Participant perspectives: MCEP’s effect beyond the group
depression, ’s behavior, ’ feelings, ’d
SAID
Post-group interviews elucidated MCEP’s impact beyond the group. Three themes surrounding developments in the mother–child relationship emerged: changes in parent behavior, changes in child behavior, and improvements in the dyad’s emotional connection. These themes highlight the reciprocity of the mother–child relationship.Through MCEP, many mothers developed a new form of communication with their child. For mothers who had been unable to assert themselves, this meant learning to speak to their child with more emotional expression and the authority that comes with it. In G’s case, this meant adopting an expression more appropriate to the moment:“...now I don’t laugh, I stay serious looking at her… Because they said to me: ‘Don’t laugh, talk to her seriously, firmly.’ So, now when I’m telling her something, well, now she understands me, now she pays attention...”For mothers unaccustomed to verbalizing their frustrations or sadness, it meant becoming emotionally vulnerable and learning to share with their children what they were feeling, as reciprocity is a key tenet of emotional connection:“I didn’t talk to her about it, it just bothered me and made me angry. I’d tell her ‘let’s go,’ but I didn’t sit like I do here, with her face-to-face, to say ‘why do you do that’… so that’s something I discovered here—that there was another way to solve the problem.” [C]Mothers described several changes in their child’s behavior as well. A common change was their child’s willingness to engage in communication. D described her child’s progression:“I had in the house a distant child, poorly behaved, a solitary child; and now I have an affectionate child, who says to me: ‘Mommy, I love you.’ It’s so sweet.”Children also became more physically expressive, with several mothers sharing that their child newly offered hugs and kisses or asked to be cradled or carried. A explained that her child J initiated physical touch when upset because of the calming session practiced in group:“And it’s helped her a lot because before she cried and I let her cry, and I didn’t get close to her. But now she looks for me and says she wants a hug, and I give her a hug, I explain how things are, and she understands better.”Some mothers also noticed an increase in their child’s maturity. Manifestations of maturity included the child being less clingy, more willing to obey, or better able to sustain emotional regulation. “Self-psychology,” as pioneered by the prominent psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut, focuses on the mother unidirectionally nurturing her child and overlooks the value of reciprocal emotional expression and connection. In contrast, MCEP focuses on mother–child co-regulation, the process by which the mother and child mutually engage each other in pursuit of emotional connection. Improved child behavior ensues from this “optimal” mutual emotional connection, as D describes:“Before he was very impatient. Now he is calm, he says please, he picks up his toys, he’s more organized.”This supports the view of temperament as a flexible “state”—not a “trait”—that is responsive to mother–child autonomic emotional connection. The increased verbal and physical expression within mother–child dyads led several mothers to feel they were more emotionally connected to their children after participating in MCEP. Evidence of this connection as described by the mothers included children exhibiting awareness of their mothers’ feelings and their own role in positively or negatively affecting those feelings:“…later, she asked me: ‘Does that make you happy, mommy?’ and I said to her: ‘Yes, that would make me very happy,’ ‘Okay, I will do it for you.’’ [E]In many cases, observed changes in the child’s behavior directly resulted from the practice of emotional exchange. After D’s apology to B, she noticed a change in the way he responded to her. Before, he was impatient, “And now, no. He stays until I tell him.” B is also more loving, and he continues to seek out close contact:“B has changed a lot, a lot, a lot. B would go sit in an armchair and he was there and I was here [pointing to two representative spots far away from each other]. And when I was watching television, he would say: ‘No mommy, you look at your phone, don’t watch television, look at your phone’... And now he comes and he lays down on my chest and we can watch television together.”Interactions like these empowered mothers to better share and respond to their children’s emotions and to their own.Many mothers expressed that participating in MCEP increased their confidence in their capacities as mothers, which improved their opinions of themselves as people. For some, greater self-confidence came from learning to speak more effectively to their children. For others, witnessing fellow mother–child dyads interacting helped them feel less alone in their parenting challenges and reassured them of their abilities. For C, the group sessions impacted her identity beyond motherhood. After describing herself as “timid” and “insecure,” she expressed that “in group it feels good to be here, it was like I already knew all of you…I felt confident, I didn’t feel afraid…” [Interview 1].Several mothers described how group sessions impacted their well-being. D stated she felt “happy because I think I’m on the way to preparing myself to be a better mother.” Some mothers discussed their enhanced well-being in relation to their child’s improved behavior. A, for example, described the physical and psychological toll of her child J’s behavior prior to MCEP:“Before with the stress and all that, my head hurt, I was tired, like depression… But now during these eight sessions, my life has changed…to something better.”For a few mothers, these psychological and emotional changes impacted their lives beyond motherhood. A reported feeling more relaxed at work. D described increased self-care practices. C felt “more confident.” Mothers even reported friends, family, coworkers, or other people in their lives told them they looked “happier,” [G, D] and “not stressed [G].”