And if it proves to be difficult for me to do—oh, then I have only one prayer. I would throw myself upon the earth and appeal from morning till night to the heavenly power who rules the world for one favor, that it might be granted me to repent, for I know only one sorrow that could bring me to despair and plunge everything into it—that repentance is an illusion, an illusion not with respect to the forgiveness it seeks but with respect to the imputation it presupposes.
If I am unable to achieve what I set out to do, my sole prayer would be to plead with a higher power for one favor: forgiveness so that I may repent.  The only sorrow that could bring me despair is if repentance proves to be an illusion—an illusion not in relation to the forgiveness it seeks but in relation to the imputation it presupposes.