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[EOR]
[BOC]
**How do I pick a bar?**

Pick one where the music's not too loud and there are distractions like TVs or dartboards that you can use as a jumping off point for conversations. If age isn't a factor for you, then find an old man pub. I've worked as a barmaid in a bunch of places and there's a certain type of pub that attracted a lot of lonely old dudes who go there every single day just to be out of the house for a bit. They're usually glad of the company and some of them have awesome stories. (Did you know that if you're in the merchant navy and you want to sneak a monkey onto the ship then the best thing to do is to soak its feet in rum and then hide it in your locker? It will sit in there sucking its feet quite contentedly, so by the time it starts to make a noise and is discovered by the officers, the ship will be all the way out at sea and it will be too late to get rid of your new pet monkey. I know this because an 80 year old man told me in a pub and also did a truly excellent impression of a monkey sucking its toes.)

It's also okay to talk to the barstaff, particularly if you picked a quieter bar. We get bored too! Just make sure that you're not tying them up in conversation so much that they can't do their job. They still need to serve other customers and they still need to be able to clean tables, collect empty glasses, restock the fridges and do all the other background tasks. A long involved conversation with the barstaff can be annoying. A conversation that happens in short bursts with gaps in between is usually A-okay.


**How do I socialize?**

If people are already playing pool,put money on the edge of the table and ask if you can play the winner. If there's a pool table, but nobody is playing, set the table up and practice a few shots then casually ask any other solo drinkers if they're up for a game. If there's a TV showing a sports event or local news or something, you can respond to what's on TV and that can sometimes spark a conversation. (Although it helps to get a sense of the room's allegiances before cheering or claiming the ref is blind!) If there's a band or an open mic, you can compliment them or offer to buy them a beer as they come offstage or strike up a conversation with other listeners by commenting on the music in between sets. If there's a trivia night/pub quiz, it's okay to approach a smaller team, say you're in town for the night with some time to kill and ask if they need an extra player. You can bring a newspaper to a bar with you and use that to start a conversation, either by asking for help with the crossword or remarking on the contents of the articles.

If you're waiting at the bar beside people, feel free to ask questions. Ask them to recommend a local microbrew. Ask them where's good to hear bands without a cover charge. Just ask them about the area generally, most people will take the opportunity to either big up or slag off their town. (If you want to cheat, you can remark on how nice and friendly everybody here is compared to back east/back north/wherever and ask what they think it is about the neighbourhood that makes people that way.)

Definitely don't approach a woman sitting at a table while her partner is in the bathroom. It makes it look like you're after a hookup. In general, I'd avoid going directly to somebody's table. Find a seat either at the bar or at a table of your own in an area where there are people seated *near* you, but not *with* you. A lot of the standard gambits (the TV, the newspaper, etc) require you to throw out a comment to anybody in earshot and see if anybody bites and starts a conversation. This is a bit less intrusive, since you're not imposing on any one person and it means that anybody who does reply is the person who is most up for a chat. (You can't do it indefinitely, though. You get 2 room-at-large comments and if nobody responds or makes eye contact, then you need to find a new approach, because any more and you just become the strange guy talking to himself.)

It's not impossible to approach women in the way you've been approaching guys, but their first assumption will very likely be that you're hitting on them, because that's usually what's happening when a guy approaches a woman he doesn't know in a bar. The more obvious you can be that that's not what this is, the sooner they'll be able to relax into a more casual encounter. (There are plenty of assholes out there who will openly try to pick up women while wearing their wedding ring, so don't assume that the ring is a sufficient declaration of your intentions.) My observation is that if you don't want it to seem like an attempted hook-up, then it's substantially easier to start a conversation with a dude and subsequently draw a female bystander into the conversation, than it is to start out by talking to her one-on-one.


**When does it become awkward just sitting there not talking to anyone?**

The louder, younger and more crowded the venue skews, the more likely that you will feel out of place. In an average bar, so long as you have a visible distraction like a TV, newspaper, kindle or whatever you can stick around for hours without it being weird. In an old man pub, you don't even need a visible distraction.


**How many ciders can I have an hour and still drive home legally?**

Laws vary and are based on blood alcohol content which can vary according to things like age, weight and when you last ate. Two pints of cider is enough to put a man over the legal limit in the UK, a single pint of cider will usually keep him under. A pint and a half is a metabolic crapshoot. (This assumes an alcohol percentage of 3-4%. Stronger ciders are obviously more dangerous.)


**It'd be cool to have a bar buddy but that's hard to get when I travel. The area I'm at isn't too busy. Should I just try and meet one ad hoc?**

You can always just find the local subreddit for the area you'll be travelling to and make a post saying "Hey, I'll be in town next week for work. Any Redditors feel like meeting up for drinks?" This can also work for other websites you belong to. It's a fairly common occurrence on Metafilter for instance.
[EOC]
