text:  Had we known how to faint we had done so on the spot that ours might have been the bliss of being carried out over the heads and shoulders of the audience ere the performance had well begun--a movement that would have insured us the unfeigned thanks of all whom we had rescued from their distressing situation under pretence of bearing us off splashing us with cold water causing doors to bang impressively during our exit and the various other _petit soins_ requisite to the conducting a "faint" with dignity