I have only once been in trouble with the law.
I
have
only
once
been
in
trouble
with
the
law
.
The whole process of being arrested and taken to court was a rather unpleasant experience at the time, but it makes a good story now.
The
whole
process
of
being
arrested
and
taken
to
court
was
a
rather
unpleasant
experience
at
the
time
,
but
it
makes
a
good
story
now
.
What makes it rather disturbing was the arbitrary circumstances both of my arrest and my subsequent fate in court.
What
makes
it
rather
disturbing
was
the
arbitrary
circumstances
both
of
my
arrest
and
my
subsequent
fate
in
court
.
It happened in February about twelve years ago.
It
happened
in
February
about
twelve
years
ago
.
I had left school a couple of months before that and was not due to go to university until the following October.
I
had
left
school
a
couple
of
months
before
that
and
was
not
due
to
go
to
university
until
the
following
October
.
I was still living at home at the time.
I
was
still
living
at
home
at
the
time
.
One morning I was in Richmond, a suburb of London near where I lived.
One
morning
I
was
in
Richmond
,
a
suburb
of
London
near
where
I
lived
.
I was looking for a temporary job so that I could save up some money to go traveling.
I
was
looking
for
a
temporary
job
so
that
I
could
save
up
some
money
to
go
traveling
.
As it was a fine day and I was in no hurry, I was taking my time, looking in shop windows, strolling in the park, and sometimes just stopping and looking around me.
As
it
was
a
fine
day
and
I
was
in
no
hurry
,
I
was
taking
my
time
,
looking
in
shop
windows
,
strolling
in
the
park
,
and
sometimes
just
stopping
and
looking
around
me
.
It must have been this obvious aimlessness that led to my downfall.
It
must
have
been
this
obvious
aimlessness
that
led
to
my
downfall
.
It was about half past eleven when it happened.
It
was
about
half
past
eleven
when
it
happened
.
I was just walking out of the local library, having unsuccessfully sought employment there, when I saw a man walking across the road with the obvious intention of talking to me.
I
was
just
walking
out
of
the
local
library
,
having
unsuccessfully
sought
employment
there
,
when
I
saw
a
man
walking
across
the
road
with
the
obvious
intention
of
talking
to
me
.
I thought he was going to ask me the time.
I
thought
he
was
going
to
ask
me
the
time
.
Instead, he said he was a police officer and he was arresting me.
Instead
,
he
said
he
was
a
police
officer
and
he
was
arresting
me
.
At first I thought it was some kind of joke
At
first
I
thought
it
was
some
kind
of
joke
But then another policeman appeared, this time in uniform, and I was left in no doubt.
But
then
another
policeman
appeared
,
this
time
in
uniform
,
and
I
was
left
in
no
doubt
.
'But what for?"
'But
what
for
?
''
I asked
I
asked
'Wandering with intent to commit an arrestable offence,' he said.
'Wandering
with
intent
to
commit
an
arrestable
offence
,
'
he
said
.
'What offence?'
'What
offence
?
'
I asked
I
asked
'Theft,' he said
'Theft
,
'
he
said
'Theft of what?
'Theft
of
what
?
'I asked
'I
asked
'Milk bottles,' he said, and with a perfectly straight face too!
'Milk
bottles
,
'
he
said
,
and
with
a
perfectly
straight
face
too
!
'Oh,' I said.
'Oh
,
'
I
said
.
It turned out there had been a lot of petty thefts in the area, particularly that of stealing milk bottles from doorsteps.
It
turned
out
there
had
been
a
lot
of
petty
thefts
in
the
area
,
particularly
that
of
stealing
milk
bottles
from
doorsteps
.
Then I made my big mistake.
Then
I
made
my
big
mistake
.
At the time I was nineteen, had long untidy hair, and regarded myself as pan of the sixties' 'youth counterculture'.As a result, I wanted to appear cool and unconcerned with the incident, so I said, 'How long have you been following me?
At
the
time
I
was
nineteen
,
had
long
untidy
hair
,
and
regarded
myself
as
pan
of
the
sixties
'
'youth
counterculture'.As
a
result
,
I
wanted
to
appear
cool
and
unconcerned
with
the
incident
,
so
I
said
,
'How
long
have
you
been
following
me
?
in the most casual and conversational tone I could manage.
in
the
most
casual
and
conversational
tone
I
could
manage
.
I thus appeared to them to be quite familiar with this sort of situation, and it confirmed them in their belief that I was a thoroughly disreputable character.
I
thus
appeared
to
them
to
be
quite
familiar
with
this
sort
of
situation
,
and
it
confirmed
them
in
their
belief
that
I
was
a
thoroughly
disreputable
character
.
A few minutes later a police car arrived.
A
few
minutes
later
a
police
car
arrived
.
'Get in the back,' they said.
'Get
in
the
back
,
'
they
said
.
'Put your hands on the back of the front seat and don't move them.'
'Put
your
hands
on
the
back
of
the
front
seat
and
do
n't
move
them
.
'
They got in on either side of me.
They
got
in
on
either
side
of
me
.
It wasn't funny any more.
It
was
n't
funny
any
more
.
At the police station they questioned me for several hours.
At
the
police
station
they
questioned
me
for
several
hours
.
I continued to try to look worldly and familiar with the situation.
I
continued
to
try
to
look
worldly
and
familiar
with
the
situation
.
When they asked me what I had been doing, I told them I'd been looking for a job.
When
they
asked
me
what
I
had
been
doing
,
I
told
them
I
'd
been
looking
for
a
job
.
'Aha,' I could see them thinking, 'unemployed'.
'Aha
,
'
I
could
see
them
thinking
,
'unemployed
'
.
Eventually, I was officially charged and told to report to Richmond Magistrates' Court the following Monday.
Eventually
,
I
was
officially
charged
and
told
to
report
to
Richmond
Magistrates
'
Court
the
following
Monday
.
Then they let me go.
Then
they
let
me
go
.
I wanted to conduct my own defense in court, but as soon as my father found out what had happened, he hired a very good solicitor.
I
wanted
to
conduct
my
own
defense
in
court
,
but
as
soon
as
my
father
found
out
what
had
happened
,
he
hired
a
very
good
solicitor
.
We went along that Monday armed with all kinds of witnesses, including my English teacher from school as a character witness.
We
went
along
that
Monday
armed
with
all
kinds
of
witnesses
,
including
my
English
teacher
from
school
as
a
character
witness
.
But he was never called on to give evidence.
But
he
was
never
called
on
to
give
evidence
.
My 'trial' didn't get that far.
My
'trial
'
did
n't
get
that
far
.
The magistrate dismissed the case after fifteen minutes.1 was free.
The
magistrate
dismissed
the
case
after
fifteen
minutes.1
was
free
.
The poor police had never stood a chance.
The
poor
police
had
never
stood
a
chance
.
The solicitor even succeeded in getting costs awarded against the police.
The
solicitor
even
succeeded
in
getting
costs
awarded
against
the
police
.
And so I do not have a criminal record.
And
so
I
do
not
have
a
criminal
record
.
But what was most shocking at the time was the things my release from the charge so clearly depended on.
But
what
was
most
shocking
at
the
time
was
the
things
my
release
from
the
charge
so
clearly
depended
on
.
I had the 'right' accent, respectable middle-class parents in court, reliable witnesses, and I could obviously afford a very good solicitor.
I
had
the
'right
'
accent
,
respectable
middle-class
parents
in
court
,
reliable
witnesses
,
and
I
could
obviously
afford
a
very
good
solicitor
.
Given the obscure nature of the charge.
Given
the
obscure
nature
of
the
charge
.
I feel sure that if I had come from a different background, and had really been unemployed, there is every chance that I would have been found guilty.
I
feel
sure
that
if
I
had
come
from
a
different
background
,
and
had
really
been
unemployed
,
there
is
every
chance
that
I
would
have
been
found
guilty
.
While asking for costs to be awarded, my solicitor's case quite obviously revolved around the fact that I had a 'brilliant academic record'.
While
asking
for
costs
to
be
awarded
,
my
solicitor
's
case
quite
obviously
revolved
around
the
fact
that
I
had
a
'brilliant
academic
record
'
.
Meanwhile, just outside the courtroom, one of the policemen who had arrested me was gloomily complaining to my mother that another youngster had been turned against the police.
Meanwhile
,
just
outside
the
courtroom
,
one
of
the
policemen
who
had
arrested
me
was
gloomily
complaining
to
my
mother
that
another
youngster
had
been
turned
against
the
police
.
'You could have been a bit more helpful when we arrested you,' he said to me reproachfully.
'You
could
have
been
a
bit
more
helpful
when
we
arrested
you
,
'
he
said
to
me
reproachfully
.
What did he mean?
What
did
he
mean
?
Probably that I should have looked outraged and said something like, 'Look here, do you know who you're talking to?
Probably
that
I
should
have
looked
outraged
and
said
something
like
,
'Look
here
,
do
you
know
who
you
're
talking
to
?
I am a highly successful student with a brilliant academic record.
I
am
a
highly
successful
student
with
a
brilliant
academic
record
.
How dare you arrest me!'
How
dare
you
arrest
me
!
'
Then they, probably, would have apologized perhaps even taken off their caps, and let me on my way.
Then
they
,
probably
,
would
have
apologized
perhaps
even
taken
off
their
caps
,
and
let
me
on
my
way
.
I have only once been in trouble with the law. The whole process of being arrested and taken to court was a rather unpleasant experience at the time, but it makes a good story now. What makes it rather disturbing was the arbitrary circumstances both of my arrest and my subsequent fate in court.  It happened in February about twelve years ago. I had left school a couple of months before that and was not due to go to university until the following October. I was still living at home at the time.  One morning I was in Richmond, a suburb of London near where I lived. I was looking for a temporary job so that I could save up some money to go traveling. As it was a fine day and I was in no hurry, I was taking my time, looking in shop windows, strolling in the park, and sometimes just stopping and looking around me. It must have been this obvious aimlessness that led to my downfall.  It was about half past eleven when it happened. I was just walking out of the local library, having unsuccessfully sought employment there, when I saw a man walking across the road with the obvious intention of talking to me. I thought he was going to ask me the time. Instead, he said he was a police officer and he was arresting me. At first I thought it was some kind of joke  But then another policeman appeared, this time in uniform, and I was left in no doubt.  'But what for?" I asked  'Wandering with intent to commit an arrestable offence,' he said.  'What offence?' I asked  'Theft,' he said  'Theft of what? 'I asked  'Milk bottles,' he said, and with a perfectly straight face too!  'Oh,' I said.  It turned out there had been a lot of petty thefts in the area, particularly that of stealing milk bottles from doorsteps.  Then I made my big mistake. At the time I was nineteen, had long untidy hair, and regarded myself as pan of the sixties' 'youth counterculture'.As a result, I wanted to appear cool and unconcerned with the incident, so I said, 'How long have you been following me? in the most casual and conversational tone I could manage. I thus appeared to them to be quite familiar with this sort of situation, and it confirmed them in their belief that I was a thoroughly disreputable character.  A few minutes later a police car arrived.  'Get in the back,' they said. 'Put your hands on the back of the front seat and don't move them.'  They got in on either side of me. It wasn't funny any more.  At the police station they questioned me for several hours. I continued to try to look worldly and familiar with the situation. When they asked me what I had been doing, I told them I'd been looking for a job. 'Aha,' I could see them thinking, 'unemployed'.  Eventually, I was officially charged and told to report to Richmond Magistrates' Court the following Monday. Then they let me go.  I wanted to conduct my own defense in court, but as soon as my father found out what had happened, he hired a very good solicitor. We went along that Monday armed with all kinds of witnesses, including my English teacher from school as a character witness. But he was never called on to give evidence. My 'trial' didn't get that far. The magistrate dismissed the case after fifteen minutes.1 was free. The poor police had never stood a chance. The solicitor even succeeded in getting costs awarded against the police.  And so I do not have a criminal record. But what was most shocking at the time was the things my release from the charge so clearly depended on. I had the 'right' accent, respectable middle-class parents in court, reliable witnesses, and I could obviously afford a very good solicitor. Given the obscure nature of the charge. I feel sure that if I had come from a different background, and had really been unemployed, there is every chance that I would have been found guilty. While asking for costs to be awarded, my solicitor's case quite obviously revolved around the fact that I had a 'brilliant academic record'.  Meanwhile, just outside the courtroom, one of the policemen who had arrested me was gloomily complaining to my mother that another youngster had been turned against the police. 'You could have been a bit more helpful when we arrested you,' he said to me reproachfully.  What did he mean? Probably that I should have looked outraged and said something like, 'Look here, do you know who you're talking to? I am a highly successful student with a brilliant academic record. How dare you arrest me!' Then they, probably, would have apologized perhaps even taken off their caps, and let me on my way.