You must have been troubled by when to say "I love you" because it is one of the greatest puzzles in our life.
You
must
have
been
troubled
by
when
to
say
``
I
love
you
''
because
it
is
one
of
the
greatest
puzzles
in
our
life
.
What if you say it first and your partner doesn't love you back?
What
if
you
say
it
first
and
your
partner
does
n't
love
you
back
?
Or if they do say it but you don't feel they mean it?
Or
if
they
do
say
it
but
you
do
n't
feel
they
mean
it
?
Being the first to declare your love can be never racking and risky and can leave you feeling as vulnerable as a turtle with no shell.
Being
the
first
to
declare
your
love
can
be
never
racking
and
risky
and
can
leave
you
feeling
as
vulnerable
as
a
turtle
with
no
shell
.
But is the person who says it first really in a position of weakness?
But
is
the
person
who
says
it
first
really
in
a
position
of
weakness
?
Doesn't it pay to hold back, play it cool and wait until the other half has shown their hand faster?
Does
n't
it
pay
to
hold
back
,
play
it
cool
and
wait
until
the
other
half
has
shown
their
hand
faster
?
"A really good relationship should be about being fair and being equal," says psychologist Sidney Crown.
``
A
really
good
relationship
should
be
about
being
fair
and
being
equal
,
''
says
psychologist
Sidney
Crown
.
"But love is seldom equal."
``
But
love
is
seldom
equal
.
''
"All relationships go through power struggles but," he says, "if a love imbalance continues for years, the rot will set in."
``
All
relationships
go
through
power
struggles
but
,
''
he
says
,
``
if
a
love
imbalance
continues
for
years
,
the
rot
will
set
in
.
''
That feeling of "I've always loved you more" may be subverted for a time, but it never goes away completely and it often emerges in squabbling.
That
feeling
of
``
I
've
always
loved
you
more
''
may
be
subverted
for
a
time
,
but
it
never
goes
away
completely
and
it
often
emerges
in
squabbling
.
In love, at least, the silent, withholding type is not always the most powerful.
In
love
,
at
least
,
the
silent
,
withholding
type
is
not
always
the
most
powerful
.
"The strongest one in a relationship is often the person who feels confident enough to talk about their feelings," says educational psychologist Ingrid Collins.
``
The
strongest
one
in
a
relationship
is
often
the
person
who
feels
confident
enough
to
talk
about
their
feelings
,
''
says
educational
psychologist
Ingrid
Collins
.
Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall agrees.
Psychosexual
therapist
Paula
Hall
agrees
.
"The one with the upper hand is often the person who takes the initiative."
``
The
one
with
the
upper
hand
is
often
the
person
who
takes
the
initiative
.
''
In fact, the person who says "I love you" first may also be the one who says "I'm bored with you' first."
In
fact
,
the
person
who
says
``
I
love
you
''
first
may
also
be
the
one
who
says
``
I
'm
bored
with
you
'
first
.
''
Hall believes that much depends on how "I love you" is said and the motivation of the person saying it.
Hall
believes
that
much
depends
on
how
``
I
love
you
''
is
said
and
the
motivation
of
the
person
saying
it
.
Is it said when they're drunk?
Is
it
said
when
they
're
drunk
?
Is it said before their partner flies off on holiday, and what it really means is "Please don' t be unfaithful to me"?
Is
it
said
before
their
partner
flies
off
on
holiday
,
and
what
it
really
means
is
``
Please
don
'
t
be
unfaithful
to
me
''
?
By saying "I love you", they are really saying "Do you love me?"
By
saying
``
I
love
you
''
,
they
are
really
saying
``
Do
you
love
me
?
''
If so, wouldn't it just be more honest to say that.
If
so
,
would
n't
it
just
be
more
honest
to
say
that
.
Collins agrees that intention is everything.
Collins
agrees
that
intention
is
everything
.
"It's not what is said, but how it's said.
``
It
's
not
what
is
said
,
but
how
it
's
said
.
What it comes down to is the sincerity of the speaker."
What
it
comes
down
to
is
the
sincerity
of
the
speaker
.
''
You must have been troubled by when to say "I love you" because it is one of the greatest puzzles in our life.  What if you say it first and your partner doesn't love you back? Or if they do say it but you don't feel they mean it? Being the first to declare your love can be never racking and risky and can leave you feeling as vulnerable as a turtle with no shell. But is the person who says it first really in a position of weakness? Doesn't it pay to hold back, play it cool and wait until the other half has shown their hand faster?  "A really good relationship should be about being fair and being equal," says psychologist Sidney Crown. "But love is seldom equal." "All relationships go through power struggles but," he says, "if a love imbalance continues for years, the rot will set in." That feeling of "I've always loved you more" may be subverted for a time, but it never goes away completely and it often emerges in squabbling. In love, at least, the silent, withholding type is not always the most powerful. "The strongest one in a relationship is often the person who feels confident enough to talk about their feelings," says educational psychologist Ingrid Collins. Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall agrees. "The one with the upper hand is often the person who takes the initiative." In fact, the person who says "I love you" first may also be the one who says "I'm bored with you' first." Hall believes that much depends on how "I love you" is said and the motivation of the person saying it. Is it said when they're drunk? Is it said before their partner flies off on holiday, and what it really means is "Please don' t be unfaithful to me"? By saying "I love you", they are really saying "Do you love me?" If so, wouldn't it just be more honest to say that. Collins agrees that intention is everything. "It's not what is said, but how it's said. What it comes down to is the sincerity of the speaker."