I recall a moment that I experienced with my dad when I was twenty-one.
I
recall
a
moment
that
I
experienced
with
my
dad
when
I
was
twenty-one
.
I was going to college and living with a couple of friends in Chicago.
I
was
going
to
college
and
living
with
a
couple
of
friends
in
Chicago
.
When the car I was using died, my dad, realizing that I needed transportation to get to work and to school, was good enough to lend me the money for a used car.
When
the
car
I
was
using
died
,
my
dad
,
realizing
that
I
needed
transportation
to
get
to
work
and
to
school
,
was
good
enough
to
lend
me
the
money
for
a
used
car
.
Shortly after I bought it, my parents drove down to San Diego for the winter.
Shortly
after
I
bought
it
,
my
parents
drove
down
to
San
Diego
for
the
winter
.
Before they left, my dad gave me some of his bank deposit slips with clear and detailed instructions to put one hundred dollars of my earnings, every payday, into their savings account while they were gone.
Before
they
left
,
my
dad
gave
me
some
of
his
bank
deposit
slips
with
clear
and
detailed
instructions
to
put
one
hundred
dollars
of
my
earnings
,
every
payday
,
into
their
savings
account
while
they
were
gone
.
At that time of my life, I was not yet clear about what were the most important problems that I had to attend to first.
At
that
time
of
my
life
,
I
was
not
yet
clear
about
what
were
the
most
important
problems
that
I
had
to
attend
to
first
.
I dismissed our agreement as nothing important and continued to spend my money as fast as I was making it, in pubs, on dates, and so on.
I
dismissed
our
agreement
as
nothing
important
and
continued
to
spend
my
money
as
fast
as
I
was
making
it
,
in
pubs
,
on
dates
,
and
so
on
.
Instead of honoring our agreement, I made payments that were less than the agreed-upon amounts, and on more than one occasion I made no payment at all.
Instead
of
honoring
our
agreement
,
I
made
payments
that
were
less
than
the
agreed-upon
amounts
,
and
on
more
than
one
occasion
I
made
no
payment
at
all
.
When my parents arrived home in late March, I got a call from my dad, who said, "Don't go anywhere.
When
my
parents
arrived
home
in
late
March
,
I
got
a
call
from
my
dad
,
who
said
,
``
Do
n't
go
anywhere
.
I'm coming over."
I
'm
coming
over
.
''
My dad was (and still is) a physical presence and had been a truck driver for thirty-five years.
My
dad
was
(
and
still
is
)
a
physical
presence
and
had
been
a
truck
driver
for
thirty-five
years
.
I felt ashamed and guilty, knowing that Dad had discovered that I hadn't held up my end of our bargain.
I
felt
ashamed
and
guilty
,
knowing
that
Dad
had
discovered
that
I
had
n't
held
up
my
end
of
our
bargain
.
After he came in, he told me to sit down because he had a few things to tell me.
After
he
came
in
,
he
told
me
to
sit
down
because
he
had
a
few
things
to
tell
me
.
There was no shouting, no red face with a vein about to burst on his forehead, and no bad language at all.
There
was
no
shouting
,
no
red
face
with
a
vein
about
to
burst
on
his
forehead
,
and
no
bad
language
at
all
.
His first words were, "When your mother and I got back into town yesterday, I called the bank.
His
first
words
were
,
``
When
your
mother
and
I
got
back
into
town
yesterday
,
I
called
the
bank
.
I can't say I was surprised to discover that you hadn't made all the payments.
I
ca
n't
say
I
was
surprised
to
discover
that
you
had
n't
made
all
the
payments
.
My first thought was to come here and take the car from you, but I want to tell you some things while I'm here.
My
first
thought
was
to
come
here
and
take
the
car
from
you
,
but
I
want
to
tell
you
some
things
while
I
'm
here
.
Maybe you'll understand, and maybe you won't."
Maybe
you
'll
understand
,
and
maybe
you
wo
n't
.
''
He went on to tell me, very calmly, about what it means to keep your word.
He
went
on
to
tell
me
,
very
calmly
,
about
what
it
means
to
keep
your
word
.
He explained that when he was growing up after the Depression, a man's handshake and his word meant everything.
He
explained
that
when
he
was
growing
up
after
the
Depression
,
a
man
's
handshake
and
his
word
meant
everything
.
He also told me that because I was twenty-one, he didn't feel angry so much as sad and disappointed.
He
also
told
me
that
because
I
was
twenty-one
,
he
did
n't
feel
angry
so
much
as
sad
and
disappointed
.
He closed by saying that our words and actions have a real effect on others, and that my words and actions were what others would measure me by.
He
closed
by
saying
that
our
words
and
actions
have
a
real
effect
on
others
,
and
that
my
words
and
actions
were
what
others
would
measure
me
by
.
He added that if I hadn't yet formed some core or basic values and principles, this might be a good time to start thinking about those things.
He
added
that
if
I
had
n't
yet
formed
some
core
or
basic
values
and
principles
,
this
might
be
a
good
time
to
start
thinking
about
those
things
.
For the first time, I saw real disappointment on Dad's face.
For
the
first
time
,
I
saw
real
disappointment
on
Dad
's
face
.
He gave me a second chance to make our deal right, and even gave me more deposit slips, saying, "I will take those keys if you miss a single payment or, at the very least, if you don't let me know in advance that you'll have trouble making a payment.
He
gave
me
a
second
chance
to
make
our
deal
right
,
and
even
gave
me
more
deposit
slips
,
saying
,
``
I
will
take
those
keys
if
you
miss
a
single
payment
or
,
at
the
very
least
,
if
you
do
n't
let
me
know
in
advance
that
you
'll
have
trouble
making
a
payment
.
I understand things can happen."
I
understand
things
can
happen
.
''
He spoke for about forty-five minutes, and I listened.
He
spoke
for
about
forty-five
minutes
,
and
I
listened
.
He didn't expect me to say much, and I knew enough to keep quiet.
He
did
n't
expect
me
to
say
much
,
and
I
knew
enough
to
keep
quiet
.
I just nodded or shook my head at the right time and continued to listen.
I
just
nodded
or
shook
my
head
at
the
right
time
and
continued
to
listen
.
That time we spent together changed me forever.
That
time
we
spent
together
changed
me
forever
.
Then and there, I made a promise to myself that I'd never again be the cause of that look of sadness and disappointment on Dad's face.
Then
and
there
,
I
made
a
promise
to
myself
that
I
'd
never
again
be
the
cause
of
that
look
of
sadness
and
disappointment
on
Dad
's
face
.
After that defining afternoon, our relationship got better and better.
After
that
defining
afternoon
,
our
relationship
got
better
and
better
.
I'm now married with two sons of my own, and they're already learning about the importance of honor, trust, and honesty.
I
'm
now
married
with
two
sons
of
my
own
,
and
they
're
already
learning
about
the
importance
of
honor
,
trust
,
and
honesty
.
I recall a moment that I experienced with my dad when I was twenty-one. I was going to college and living with a couple of friends in Chicago.  When the car I was using died, my dad, realizing that I needed transportation to get to work and to school, was good enough to lend me the money for a used car. Shortly after I bought it, my parents drove down to San Diego for the winter. Before they left, my dad gave me some of his bank deposit slips with clear and detailed instructions to put one hundred dollars of my earnings, every payday, into their savings account while they were gone.  At that time of my life, I was not yet clear about what were the most important problems that I had to attend to first. I dismissed our agreement as nothing important and continued to spend my money as fast as I was making it, in pubs, on dates, and so on. Instead of honoring our agreement, I made payments that were less than the agreed-upon amounts, and on more than one occasion I made no payment at all.  When my parents arrived home in late March, I got a call from my dad, who said, "Don't go anywhere. I'm coming over." My dad was (and still is) a physical presence and had been a truck driver for thirty-five years. I felt ashamed and guilty, knowing that Dad had discovered that I hadn't held up my end of our bargain.  After he came in, he told me to sit down because he had a few things to tell me. There was no shouting, no red face with a vein about to burst on his forehead, and no bad language at all. His first words were, "When your mother and I got back into town yesterday, I called the bank. I can't say I was surprised to discover that you hadn't made all the payments. My first thought was to come here and take the car from you, but I want to tell you some things while I'm here. Maybe you'll understand, and maybe you won't."  He went on to tell me, very calmly, about what it means to keep your word. He explained that when he was growing up after the Depression, a man's handshake and his word meant everything. He also told me that because I was twenty-one, he didn't feel angry so much as sad and disappointed. He closed by saying that our words and actions have a real effect on others, and that my words and actions were what others would measure me by. He added that if I hadn't yet formed some core or basic values and principles, this might be a good time to start thinking about those things.  For the first time, I saw real disappointment on Dad's face.  He gave me a second chance to make our deal right, and even gave me more deposit slips, saying, "I will take those keys if you miss a single payment or, at the very least, if you don't let me know in advance that you'll have trouble making a payment. I understand things can happen."  He spoke for about forty-five minutes, and I listened. He didn't expect me to say much, and I knew enough to keep quiet. I just nodded or shook my head at the right time and continued to listen.  That time we spent together changed me forever. Then and there, I made a promise to myself that I'd never again be the cause of that look of sadness and disappointment on Dad's face. After that defining afternoon, our relationship got better and better. I'm now married with two sons of my own, and they're already learning about the importance of honor, trust, and honesty.