On the eve of our daughters' weddings, I gave both of them what I considered to be excellent marital advice: never leave your husband unsupervised with pruning shears.
On
the
eve
of
our
daughters
'
weddings
,
I
gave
both
of
them
what
I
considered
to
be
excellent
marital
advice
:
never
leave
your
husband
unsupervised
with
pruning
shears
.
If only I had taken my own advice I recently let my guard down.
If
only
I
had
taken
my
own
advice
I
recently
let
my
guard
down
.
Thirty-some years of marriage can do that to a woman.
Thirty-some
years
of
marriage
can
do
that
to
a
woman
.
Give a man pruning shears and electric trimmers and he will give new meaning to "armed and dangerous."
Give
a
man
pruning
shears
and
electric
trimmers
and
he
will
give
new
meaning
to
``
armed
and
dangerous
.
''
One day earlier this year, my husband said that the crab apple tree was dead.
One
day
earlier
this
year
,
my
husband
said
that
the
crab
apple
tree
was
dead
.
"Why do you think it is dead?"
``
Why
do
you
think
it
is
dead
?
''
I asked.
I
asked
.
"Look at it.
``
Look
at
it
.
There's not a leaf on it."
There
's
not
a
leaf
on
it
.
''
"There's not a leaf on anything.
``
There
's
not
a
leaf
on
anything
.
It's March," I said.
It
's
March
,
''
I
said
.
"It looked sick last fall and with this bitter winter we had, I'm convinced it's dead."
``
It
looked
sick
last
fall
and
with
this
bitter
winter
we
had
,
I
'm
convinced
it
's
dead
.
''
The truth is he's never liked the crab apple.
The
truth
is
he
's
never
liked
the
crab
apple
.
Sure, it has beautiful blooms in the spring, but then it gets a disease, the leaves curl, and it drops those little apples that sit on the driveway.
Sure
,
it
has
beautiful
blooms
in
the
spring
,
but
then
it
gets
a
disease
,
the
leaves
curl
,
and
it
drops
those
little
apples
that
sit
on
the
driveway
.
Each passing week he pronounced the tree dead.
Each
passing
week
he
pronounced
the
tree
dead
.
Eventually I began to believe him.
Eventually
I
began
to
believe
him
.
Though he agreed it would be a regrettable loss, there was a twinkle in his eye.
Though
he
agreed
it
would
be
a
regrettable
loss
,
there
was
a
twinkle
in
his
eye
.
He armed himself a couple of weeks ago and began trimming.
He
armed
himself
a
couple
of
weeks
ago
and
began
trimming
.
A branch here, a branch there, a small limb, then a large limb.
A
branch
here
,
a
branch
there
,
a
small
limb
,
then
a
large
limb
.
I watched and then decided to check the wood on some of the branches closer to the trunk.
I
watched
and
then
decided
to
check
the
wood
on
some
of
the
branches
closer
to
the
trunk
.
I broke one off and saw green.
I
broke
one
off
and
saw
green
.
The crab apple was not dead.
The
crab
apple
was
not
dead
.
It just hadn't had time to leaf out.
It
just
had
n't
had
time
to
leaf
out
.
The tree was now falling to one side, but it was not dead.
The
tree
was
now
falling
to
one
side
,
but
it
was
not
dead
.
I would have told him so, but he had moved on to a maple.
I
would
have
told
him
so
,
but
he
had
moved
on
to
a
maple
.
Once the man starts, he can't stop.
Once
the
man
starts
,
he
ca
n't
stop
.
One trim leads to another.
One
trim
leads
to
another
.
"Please, stop!"
``
Please
,
stop
!
''
I called.
I
called
.
He smiled and nodded, but he couldn't hear because he had started the hedge trimmers and was getting ready to fix a line of hedges.
He
smiled
and
nodded
,
but
he
could
n't
hear
because
he
had
started
the
hedge
trimmers
and
was
getting
ready
to
fix
a
line
of
hedges
.
Zip, zip, zip.
Zip
,
zip
,
zip
.
"What do you think?"
``
What
do
you
think
?
''
he shouted.
he
shouted
.
"It's supposed to be a privacy hedge; now all that will be private are our ankles."
``
It
's
supposed
to
be
a
privacy
hedge
;
now
all
that
will
be
private
are
our
ankles
.
''
He started the trimmers again.
He
started
the
trimmers
again
.
"Stop!"
``
Stop
!
''
I called, "Come back!"
I
called
,
``
Come
back
!
''
"Why?"
``
Why
?
''
he shouted.
he
shouted
.
"You're in the neighbor's yard."
``
You
're
in
the
neighbor
's
yard
.
''
On the eve of our daughters' weddings, I gave both of them what I considered to be excellent marital advice: never leave your husband unsupervised with pruning shears.  If only I had taken my own advice I recently let my guard down. Thirty-some years of marriage can do that to a woman. Give a man pruning shears and electric trimmers and he will give new meaning to "armed and dangerous."  One day earlier this year, my husband said that the crab apple tree was dead.  "Why do you think it is dead?" I asked.  "Look at it. There's not a leaf on it."  "There's not a leaf on anything. It's March," I said.  "It looked sick last fall and with this bitter winter we had, I'm convinced it's dead."  The truth is he's never liked the crab apple. Sure, it has beautiful blooms in the spring, but then it gets a disease, the leaves curl, and it drops those little apples that sit on the driveway.  Each passing week he pronounced the tree dead. Eventually I began to believe him. Though he agreed it would be a regrettable loss, there was a twinkle in his eye. He armed himself a couple of weeks ago and began trimming. A branch here, a branch there, a small limb, then a large limb. I watched and then decided to check the wood on some of the branches closer to the trunk. I broke one off and saw green.  The crab apple was not dead. It just hadn't had time to leaf out. The tree was now falling to one side, but it was not dead. I would have told him so, but he had moved on to a maple. Once the man starts, he can't stop. One trim leads to another.  "Please, stop!" I called.  He smiled and nodded, but he couldn't hear because he had started the hedge trimmers and was getting ready to fix a line of hedges.  Zip, zip, zip.  "What do you think?" he shouted.  "It's supposed to be a privacy hedge; now all that will be private are our ankles."  He started the trimmers again. "Stop!" I called, "Come back!"  "Why?" he shouted.  "You're in the neighbor's yard."