article: An New Jersey police lieutenant who pleaded guilty to a lewdness charge after allegedly masturbating in a Starbucks says his post-traumatic stress disorder is to blame. In May 2014, Benito Gonzalez Jr.,46, was suspended from duty after being arrested for allegedly exposing his genitals and touching himself inappropriately while seated at a table in a Cherry Hill Starbucks, police say. A surveillance photo posted to the Cherry Hill police Facebook page led to the 17-year Camden police veteran's arrest -- the photo has since been deleted and is now being used as evidence, the Courier-Post reports. Blame: Benito Gonzalez, 46 (photographed), who pleaded guilty to a lewdness charge after allegedly masturbating in a Starbucks says his post-traumatic stress disorder is to blame . The father-of-three was found guilty of the offense last month and is currently suspended without pay, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports . While county officials are working to fire the lieutenant's, the Post reports, Gonzalez claims the incident -- which he says he does not remember -- is the culmination of a three-year downward spiral following a traumatic experience more than three years ago, the  Inquirer  reports. It all began in June 2011 when Gonzalez, who ran the department's narcotics unit, had an encounter with a drug dealer, 32-year-old Adam Reed. In the altercation, Gonzalez dived to the ground, injuring his hamstrings, as Reed fired shots at him from a handgun. Reed then pointed the gun at Gonzalez's head and pulled the trigger. But the weapon malfunctioned, saving Gonzalez's life, and Reed was later sentenced to 66 years in prison, the Inquirer reports. 'I just saw my life completely over,' Gonzalez told the Inquirer, 'I thought I was dead.' Gonzalez's career seemed to flourish and the 46-year-old was even promoted to lieutenant in 2013. But Gonzalez said he used his job as a way to escape his crumbling mental health. Starbucks: Police Say Gonzalez walked into this Starbucks in Cherry Hill, while off-duty, pulled down his pants and masturbated at one of the coffee-shops tables . In evaluations after the incident, psychologists recognized that Gonzalez had issues linked to the trauma and reportedly gave him the task of deciding whether to stay with the department. He chose to stay and tried hiding his problems from his co-workers telling the Inquirer that he didn't want to seem 'weak' or incapable of dong his job. In the years following the incident, Gonzalez would be diagnosed with PTSD, suffer panic attacks, experience flashbacks of the traumatic incident, and even contemplate suicide. It was not long after considering suicide that Gonzalez, while off-duty, walked into the Starbucks on Route 70 and committed the lewd act. Gonzales claims he was intoxicated and in a blackout state as a result of the trauma and only remembers drinking before going to the Starbucks and returning home that night, the Inquirer reports. He said he did not know he had been at the Starbucks until police contacted him and told him he was being charged. Gonzalez is set to appear at an administrative hearing Wednesday where his attorney will ask the department to briefly reinstate the lieutenant so he could apply for his more than $60,000 accidental-disability pension -- which law enforcement officials can receive after suffering disabilities from an incident, the Inquirer reports. The pension represents a majority of Gonzalez's income, needed to provide for his wife and three children, aged 16, 15, and 8. His wife says she fears the family will have to move from its home due to the financial strain. While the fate of Gonzalez's pension is unknown, the Post reports that a judge last month approved Gonzalez's participation in a conditional dismissal program. The program would require Gonzalez to undergo a one-year probationary period where he would be monitored. If he does not violate the probation, the lewdness charge could be dismissed, and he could have the charge expunged from his records six months later.
highlights: Camden, New Jersey, police lieutenant Benito Gonzalez, 46, pleaded guilty to a lewdness charge after touching himself inappropriately in a Starbucks .
  Gonzalez says he does not remember the incident and claims it was the result of trauma from a near-death experience more than three years ago .
  Gonzalez, who is suspended without pay, is fighting for his more than $60,000 pension, but county officials are pushing for his termination .
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