3 things: first, if there is a better sub for this question, please feel free to direct me there. This is just the first sub I thought of that might be able to help. Second, “reactionaryism” *is*, in fact, a word. Third, just for context, he’s 18 and lacks many basic critical thinking skills. 

So my brother, whom I am currently visiting for the first time in about 6 months, is very clearly sliding into reactionary politics. He has been very lib/centrist in the past, but I can see him slipping. In the past 6 months, he’s become *committed* to a cultish level to Christianity, purity culture, anti-queer ideology, the whole 9 yards. 

Some small things that concern me: He’s a long time JRE fan who thinks Rogan is just so cool and wise. When I told him about Biden dropping out, he said that before hearing that, he was considering voting for Trump because he’s “smarter” than Biden. I made an off handed remark about Andrew Tate the other day and he said that he thinks he has some good ideas which just baffled me. 

The major issue: I told him I was trans, thinking he would have no problem with it, but he told me that he “wasn’t going to try and stop me” but that he “thinks it’s wrong and sinful” and that he would never see me as a woman and would never respect my name/pronouns because it “doesn’t align with [his] beliefs.” 

I swear this is not the person I’ve known for almost my whole life, he’s becoming genuinely toxic to be around. He’s become super sensitive about any kind of pushback or conflict, making it super hard to get through to him. Any ideas y’all? I love him so much but I know that if he doesn’t *at the very least* change his views on showing basic decency to his own sister, I’m going to have to cut him off for my own wellbeing and safety until he does, which I really don’t wanna do. 


user
The thing is, all major *real* personal discoveries have to be discovered by the person themselves.

Take music as a comparison; there are amazing tunes out there, popular or not. But nothing will beat those tunes that are your all time fav. The reason they’re your fav is because nobody showed them to you, like nobody said “check out this tune” and it was suddenly your favourite. Your fav tunes have memories and feelings attached to them that no one else has. You might like the tunes someone shows you a lot (hell I’m a f’in DJ), but you’ll never *love* them.

All this to basically say, you can’t actually straight up convince someone to have the same beliefs, values and understanding as you. Even if they are chatting straight ish.

Your best bet is to work on things you have in common instead. Most people who aren’t insane support worker rights, start from there. Breadcrumb him. But HE has to do the real work. Even if you just manage to be on good terms with him, take that as a success. Maybe him learning that you’re just a nice person that doesn’t deserve to ‘go to hell’ may trigger some deep critical thinking in his brain as to his beliefs.

On a societal level, rhetoric works. But on a personal level it has more or less no effect.

One thing I always remind myself is that:

*”The best way to convince someone of something, is to make them think they thought of it themselves.”*

I think you have to bear in mind that a lot of this isn’t usually to do with politics at all (although everything is ofc). It’s more to do with the lack of developing empathy, it’s a personal thing. Probably to do with upbringing. You aren’t going to Dialectal Materialist someone into having empathy, trust me I’ve tried.
assistant
Thanks for the advice! I responded similarly to another commentor, but I think that giving him a firm boundary of “If you don’t treat me with respect then I cannot be around you until you learn to do so” will work, if not immediately then eventually. He lives with my father and stepmom, so if they know that their son’s behavior is keeping me away from their whole family, then they may be willing to help him learn to be respectful and empathetic. A period apart would also give him some time to do some reflecting and learning of his own so maybe he can discover some things on his own as you suggested.
user
You do whatever you feel will keep you safe, and not have to put up with someone who’s had their brain deep fried in a vat of reactionary sauce.

Sooner or later he’ll have to come to terms with his brain and his life. He’s *only* 18. I was an edgy clown at 18. I decided to turn around and become less cynical at around 22. Then I discovered socialism through a gf, someone who listened to me and helped me realised that I’ve been a socialist all this time without knowing. 

Then they became an anarchist and stopped showering but eh.. 😅. Now I have a bookshelf full of political theory and philosophy at 30 and attend SWP meetings in my city every Wednesday.

If he doesn’t choose this path (maybe not literally become a socialist but) then he’ll become a self loathing loser. No material loss for yourself. Make sure to not blame yourself for someone else’s life choices.

Peace and love homie, best wishes.
assistant