Extreme weather is frequent and aggressive, posing a huge challenge to urban management capacity. The construction of urban resilience is a systematic project of multi-system coordination. Previous studies have focused on temporal evolution, external system coupling and coordination, and less on the internal study of urban resilience systems. Based on the perspective of the Wuli-Shili-Renli methodology, the study combines urban resilience with Eastern management philosophy. Using a coupled coordination model, the evolutionary laws of key elements of multiple processes in the complex urban resilience system of Henan Province are studied. The coupled coordination mechanism of multiple elements and processes in the province is revealed. It is found that (1) the development of the urban resilient system in Henan Province has gone through two stages from fluctuation to stability. From 2010 to 2015 called “fluctuating growth” and from 2016 to 2019 called “linear growth”. (2) There are three different periods of development for the coordination of the urban resilient system in Henan. Stage 1 (2010–2015) the “coupling teething period”, stage 2 (2016–2017) the “decoupling accumulation period” and stage 3 (2018–2019) the “self-organized explosive period”. (3) Henan has strong preventive power, but weak resistance and recovery power. Then, from the perspective of WSR, the optimal regulation of the regional urban resilient system is proposed.