BackgroundDepression is a mental health condition that can have far-reaching consequences for the entire family, not just for the affected individual. Siblings are particularly vulnerable in that the unremitting stress and guilt at home can affect multiple aspects of their lives, including relationships, added responsibilities, and health. This pressure may affect siblings’ own emotional well-being and academic success. Most studies in this field have examined the impact of depression on the affected adolescents or their parents, whereas few have examined the impact on siblings. Sibling studies have been limited by lack of sample homogeneity, especially in the context of coping in high school. This study sought to examine the retrospective experiences of young adults who lived in the same house as a sibling with depression while they were in high school.MethodsThis qualitative study examined 21 young adults (aged 18–29) who grew up with a sibling with depression. In-depth, semi-structured interviews were conducted from May to September 2022. The interviews were recorded and transcribed and underwent thematic analysis.ResultsThree main themes emerged from the interviews: (1) “School as a place of refuge”: The perspective of participants who grew up with a sibling with depression regarding their high school experience. (2) “I wanted the adults at school to see me”: Relations between research participants and the school educational staff. (3) “I was afraid people would relate to me as the sibling of a crazy person”: Participants’ relationships with their peers.ConclusionsThis study sheds light on the experiences of adolescents who grew up with a sibling with depression. The findings point to feelings of being invisible, self-nullification, avoiding sharing with others, and transparency. The participants were afraid that if their peers found out about their sibling they would also be stigmatized and alienated. The study shows that adolescents living with a sibling with depression need support at school.Supplementary InformationThe online version contains supplementary material available at 10.1186/s40359-023-01234-y.