Breast cancer is a leading cause of cancer death in the United States, with an increasing incidence in recent years. Paraneoplastic syndromes are uncommon but increasingly recognized complications of many types of cancer, including breast cancer. Here, we describe a case of a patient presenting with confounding symptoms, who was diagnosed with breast cancer and believed to have a paraneoplastic syndrome despite a negative paraneoplastic panel. This case underscores the need for more standardized diagnostic modalities and prompt recognition and treatment of these rare but serious syndromes.