Every toaster I've owned seems to "leak" crumbs from the bottom, requiring constant clean up. You could put it into a tray of some sort but unless you 3D-print one, its hard to find a tray that exactly fits it. Is there a magic keyword of some sort that would let me find a toaster that doesn't have any holes at the bottom? 
So, first of all, the method you chose for listing the ratios is not exactly the most effective in depicting the ratios for comparison... Usually we just list ratios as parts or with the quantities themselves (using g = mL for water is acceptable), makes everyone's life easier when trying to troubleshoot a recipe. Example for the first recipe:  2 flour : 2 water : 1 lard or 170g flour : 170g water : 85g lard  Now onto what should be expected Pastry crusts in general have 3 basic ingredients: flour, solid fat and water. Note that I use the term "solid fat" because it is not necessarily lard, it can be butter, shortening, or other fat that's solid at room temperature. Why is this relevant? Your 2nd recipe (Liam's Nan) uses both butter AND lard, so your final ratios look more like this:  2.6 flour : 1.1 solid fat : 1 water or 650g flour : 275g solid fat : 250g water  Doing the maths, there is no much variation between your recipes, all of them are roughly 52-56% flour, 19-23% fat and 21-26% water, except for the first one, which is 40% flour : 20% fat : 40% water. A crust with a higher water content, like your first recipe, tends to be more elastic before baked, and tougher / chewier after baking, and they can also take a filling that's richer in liquid without getting soggy, and the crusts with a higher fat content tend to be harder before baking and crumblier / flakier after baking, and require a filling that's drier or has the water "bound" with a starch, like cornstarch or flour. 