In The Way of Men, Jack Donovan, differentiates between being a good man and being good at being a man.

If you ask people what it means to be a man you will hear answers like: “A real man is kind and loving.” “A real man spends time with his kids.” “A real man keeps his word.”

But aren’t those statements equally true of “good women”?  Aren’t they kind, loving, family oriented, and trustworthy?

Statements like, “A real man would never hit a woman,” isn’t describing a real man, it’s describing a good man. It’s certainly possible to be honest and kind and be a total sissy. And it’s equally possible to be strong and manly and be evil. As Donovan points out, we wouldn’t label assassins, gangsters, fighters, or soldiers as unmanly simply because they act immorally.

We should strive to be good men, but we must also be good at being men.  It’s not enough just to be kind and honest – so are women! We must also be good at being men. Protecting. Providing. Romancing.

Set the examples of strength and honor. You have to actually be a man, before you can be a good man. Guys avoid confrontation and overlook wrongdoing. Men directly confront misconduct. Once upon a time, parents used to decide what their families would do on weekends. Parents would plan trips like camping, boating, or barbecuing with friends. Adults used to have friends they actually enjoyed spending time with, and all the kids learned to get along and play together.

Then travel sports and gymnastics crept into our lives, and every parent decided that their kid could (and should!) be a professional athlete.

We awoke one morning to discover we “don’t have time” to exercise when we want, or join a men’s group, or lay in the hammock anymore. In fact, we aren’t even sure who our friends are. We just drive our kids to their events, and all the adults learn to get along and play together.

This might be why men today are isolated, depressed, angry, and addicted. We put 8-year olds at the helm and then wonder why our lives are unfulfilling.
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