So this post has been playing on my mind for sometime now, 9 months ago I decided to stop taking the Pill, I wanted to share this post about my experience and an app that has helped me through this journey.

Let me add here - going off the pill has to be something you want to do and for reason that fits you and your lifestyle. Its taken a lot of time and thought to sit down and find the courage to write an honest account about going off the pill and this is a personal experience, I am not a doctor or a medical professor I just simply decided to listen to my body.
I am not opposed to new forms of contraceptive nor do I think they are all bad, for many people they make life a lot easier, they assist with women who suffer with terrible period and ovarian problems and have helped women in different ways. Modern day contraceptive is a luxury that many women don't have access to and from a feminist stand point, I am sure its been pretty revolutionary. Again, I am not an expert and I have read many a debate and interesting article (which I am sure many of you have and I am not going to rehash or retell what many have already expressed with full honestly) around the pill and contraceptive but for me, after more than a decade it no longer felt right and it was a personal choice.

Intuition is possibly the most powerful tool we have and yet, we have been taught not to listen to it or even entertain it in some cases - this has got to stop ladies.

About a year ago my intuition basically kicked up every possible sign it could throw at me that it was time to take a much needed break off the pill.

Having gone on the pill at age 17 for a pretty bad (ish) skin problem, the thought of going off it literally made me feel ill. So as any good modern day lass would, I spent a solid 4 hours lying awake one night googling what would happen if I stopped taking a tablet I had taken for more than a decade - worst. mistake. ever. Never google anything because honestly the internet is beyond depressing and not one person had anything positive to say. Everything sounded devastating and catastrophic (I kid you not) which scared me even more, what had I been taking for so long and what had it done to MY body?

I decided to speak to a variety of friends and people I know who had also been on the pill and either stopped or were considering stopping it.

I had always been pretty proud of the fact that after years of being on the pill I just simply didn't get my period, la la la la wonderful! No hormonal symptoms really, Wonderful! No PMS and mood swings or period pain - horrrayyy! But in theory I started to actually just feel 100 percent out of touch with my body and everything female that I wanted to connect with and understand. I started noticing (and please internet police chill here) that during each month I experienced pretty intense pain in my calves and legs and my ankles started swelling - odd as the pill I was on is know as a diuretic right, well no - it just didn't feel right.

I am ashamed to say, I had been the person to eye-roll at women who have in actual fact had medical complaints from the pill. Well now I can understand there are always two sides to a story and everyone's personal experience is exactly that - personal and real to them, so massive respect to all the brave women out there!

Why I decided to go off the pill
After talking to tons of incredible, supportive and objective women I decided to stop taking the pill. I prepared myself for the worst - never getting a regular period, full blow acne and a life of misery and every other privileged complaint I could fathom from google.

What I happened when I stopped taking the pill in September 2016

(also not necessarily linked to stopping the pill)
When I decided to stop taking the pill after the first month I went straight to my gynie and expected a long winded lecture and instead I was met with a lot of support and comfort. I showed my gynie an app I was using and he said he highly recommend all of his patients track their periods and cycles.

So which amazing app is it? I downloaded an App called CLUE that a friend introduced me to. ladies this app is a game changer. seriously, even my gynie said it is important to track your period even if you take the pill, information about your monthly cycle says a lot about your health as well.

So what is CLUE? Other than the most empowering female apps out there (in my humble opinion) it is the best way to actually understand body and your emotions.
Here is an example from my app: How clue and stopping the Pill have helped me:
I have been off the pill for 9 months and I can safely say its been an interesting journey.
Using CLUE has helped me gain a better understanding of body and what it is going through. I feel more self aware- more in tune with my body than ever before.

During my fertile window I feel great, my skin clears up and my confidence is at an all time high.  The week before my period - emotional, insecure and tearful (but at least I know why).
Instead of trying to "fix" the tough things I am going through my cycle, I have learnt to start embracing them, understanding myself, building self love rituals and focusing on being kind to myself - I mean hello, women are pretty badass and can dominate the world whilst having a period.

WE are freaking magical!

Overall I now have a better understanding of what my body does each month, I am interested in understanding hormones and my emotions and CLUE has helped me stop feeling like weight loss is a major goal in my life and my focus is now about my overall health, well being and building healthy habits with love and respect for my body.

Stopping the pill has made me want to explore a more holistic approach to my health, body and skin care which I plan on elaborating on it the future.

Using an app like CLUE can help you understand your hormones, emotions and habits, plus its actually a really nicely designed app that is just cool to interact with :)

Trust your gut and instinct and listen to your body and what it needs and wants. Do your research, talk to people, speak to your gynie and do what is right for you! It is your body and it's pretty damn amazing, so treat it well!

Please feel free to add your thoughts and input to this post below in the comment section I have blogged in a very long time and I am not sure why.

I think a part of me has always felt like I needed to define this blog. Make it something specific, create for a specific reason and define it for a specific audience.

When in actual fact, I just  really like writing, sharing and being.

I guess that can also be said about the kind of person I am. I have always felt like I needed to be defined by something? or fit into a category or a box. When I danced, I was a dancer, when I studied I was a student, when I did a lot of yoga I felt like yes, yes this yoga thing defines me! Or any other life stage or activity for that matter.

But I have decided I don't want to be defined by an activity or stage in my life right now. I am a living breathing thing. Each day I learn more about my life, choose to explore new things, start new conversations and be open to possibility.

I changed my IG's back to my name because Natalie is who I am - but I am realising the parts of Saturday Girl that I miss and that is the beauty of sharing aspect of who I am becoming and my odd little journeys and realisations.

Blogging and sharing online have often made me wonder if I am more of a sharer or an observer and I think I have reached the stage in my life where I am both, but going forward, the content I post and the things that I speak about will be a mix of truly all that is me, my thoughts,  feelings, interests, likes and dislikes - undefined and most importantly with no judgement from myself. The amount of times I want to write and share and then I panic about how it will be perceived and interpreted really has to stop *note to self*

I have always wanted find something to make my own and be good at it. Now I want to find things that evoke interest, that show me new insight and develop me as a person. Maybe one of things will become more of my own, but for now I would like to think what defines me is exactly who I am and where I am in my life right at this very second.

A little summery of the last year of who I am becoming:

I am braver, a little more consistent, a little less self obsessed and little more conscious of things that run deeper than the surface. I am learning to appreciating my sensitivity and trying to stop shutting myself down for being THAT person. The past few month have become about slowly and I mean slowly, learning to love my flaws and imperfections and also celebrate the things that make me me! I guess it is about realising that its not my hobby or my job or my relationship that define me, to a certain extent its all the heart and soul, guts and glory, tears and laughter, kindness, care and maybe even those occasional eye rolls and fiery eyed debates, moments of insecurity and tears of a poorly cut fringe that sort of define me as a normal living, human with a lot to give and learning how to give it!

I have learnt recently that it is ok to let things happen organically - to not push so much. To actually allow myself to be present in the space I am in instead of constantly catapulting myself forward in the future or pulling myself back into the past. It's about doing things with more thought - becoming aware and calmer, not acting with knee jerk reactions and not beating myself up (well still working on that!).

I am still growing and learning and changing and shifting and maybe I am undefined by society and of course, by myself, but maybe I am just me and this blog is an extension of that - I have always felt that this blog was not "good enough" or had no definition - that my writing was lame and made no sense, when in actual fact the reason I started a blog was to just try something new.

So why Saturday Girl the name?

I named this blog Saturday Girl because it came into my life based on where I was in my life. I was studying and working part time (High School and Uni) and I worked mainly Saturday's at part-time jobs.

I always felt that working weekends and pretty much every weekend or every holiday, meant that I was missing out on so much, but in actual fact those Saturday's paid off in the long run, they taught me a lot about myself, my skill set and how I engage with people. What took place on some magical Saturdays and some not so magical Saturday's taught me a lot about a variety of different aspects about myself and others and yes, I missed out on some great clifton beach seasons and some cool parties and a number of other things, but it was those Saturday's that shaped a small part of me and led me to where I probably am today (which I am really happy about!!!).

The one thing in my life that has always been consistent is at some point in any job since my part-time days, I have had to work a Saturday and you know what that is ok. It also happens to be the day  I wake up the earliest and feel all the stillness around me, its the day when I feel me, be it at home, or on the beach, walking through the forest, at work, having tea with my mom, lying in bed reading with Neil, doing admin, what ever it is, Saturday (Girl) will always be a part of me and it doesn't need to be a day that I have always tried to rush through - it is now just exactly what it is, another day, another day to live and let live and maybe it doesn't ever really need to be defined but I will add it to my basket of Me-isms and treasure it a little more.

So where do I truly want to take this blog?

I have no idea, but I will share more, I will write more, but this time it will be done truly undefined and truly because this journal is mine and one that I have chosen to share because life is too short and too beautiful and too undefined to hide words for no good reason.
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