Back in September last year, my lash line was finally full again after a pulling spree during the summer. When they grew back, I had no idea that I would keep those lashes for the next 8 months; the longest I had gone without any major trichotillomania setbacks since.... well, I can't even remember when my last 'good spell' was! I'm not sure what even made me pull a few weeks ago. I don't feel majorly stressed- there was no obvious trigger for me this time. It just, kind of, happened.

And I think that's what is frustrating me the most. It was so upsetting coming to realise that I had broken my record of keeping my lashes for so long (and that I had to pack away all of my mascaras in a make-up bag for the time being and bring out the false lashes instead). But what was even more disappointing was the fact that I didn't even know why I did it. There was nothing I could blame; no ups and downs in my personal life, no stress at work, no generally bad mental health. Everything is good at the moment- better than it has been in a while. Yet still I pulled all of my lashes out and ruined everything I had worked towards.

I kept getting urges to pull individual lashes- ones that were a bit longer than the others, had a different texture or just 'stuck out' in some way. I would pull one or two here and there; never enough to impact my lash line but enough to satisfy my trichotillomania demons. You can see in the photo that they were sparse, but I could just about get away with it and still wear mascara. And one evening, I just kept going until a gap was created...and once you get a gap, it just keeps growing and growing until there's nothing left! But I don't know why I was reaching for those odd lashes every now and then. Having no answers is perhaps one of the worst things about trich and something I have struggled a lot with. It's the just having to get on and deal with the situation you're faced with, without knowing why.

But, here I am, lashless again and just having to wait until they come through and try not to pull them all out. And that is already proving a struggle as my hayfever is worse than it's ever been! I never suffered from it as a child, but my allergies have been getting increasingly bad over the past few years. I remember it really hitting me last year, but this year it's less sneezing and more burning eyes. They are so incredibly itchy and I'm finding it is a major trigger for trich. I mentioned it on Instagram last week and had quite a few people tell me that they experience this too- so I'm glad I'm not alone with this! It's a new element to trich I haven't experienced before. I struggle to stop myself rubbing my eyes, and when they're there, the urge to pull is unreal and I find it's the only thing that was helping temporarily curb the itching.

I know many people with trich get that itching feeling as a precursor to pulling- a part of trich I never understood. But I do now! It just makes wearing eyeliner to cover the baldness difficult (streaming eyes and smudging due to rubbing isn't a good look), whilst false lashes are far too irritating to wear on a daily basis. I guess I'll have to just keep popping the allergy relief tablets and hope that it ends soon...and that my lashes will still be intact by the end of it!

If anyone has any tips on how to subdue that itch/pulling pattern, please let me know! And I'd love to hear if your trich also get affected by hayfever!
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