That kid named Jacob's too obscene
Won't wear a t-shirt, Glad there's jeans
Have blood spray cause Twilight's way too tame

Makes the girls sigh seeing Edward's eyes
On this Halloween this vampire bites
I hear chicks squeal as their pants cream
I'm gagging as I see each scene

Where's Nosferatu? This is vile!
The sun is bright, Vampires shine?!
Too lame for me!!!

Where is the fright? It's such a waste! (Ugh!!)
Monsters packed their make-up case (Ugh!!!)
It grinds my gears, No human midnight snack

Werewolves can change without moonlight (What?!)
Bella's not prey but soon their bride (What?!)
It makes me sneer I'd wish it'd go away

Has no appeal those books for tweens
What's next a zombie that's been preened?!

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight
Twilight, Twilight...
New Moon's a crime
Eclipse a grind

"Edward my dear can you change me into your kin?!"

They will suck deer dry but on necks won't dine
Crush on a baby all this I despise
It makes me feel like I must scream
Yank my hair out to let off steam

My girlfriend too is beguiled
She'd ditch my hide for a fake guy

Where is your cape dude? Lacking style
This crap makes me spew, Men are riled

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight...

Mike J - October 06, 2014 - Report this comment
I know what you mean. What is this, the 'no-monsters' genre?
Max Power - October 19, 2014 - Report this comment
Not to mention the concept of the story have been recycled for several generations as well. Few years before Twilight, there's a manga series where the girl is the vampire. Go back to the early 1990s, there's a Hong King movie "A Bite of Love"...also the vampire can survive light by wearing sunglasses but it's still better than Twilight in the end.
Agrimorfee - October 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Another bite outta this poorly written, poorly acted juggernaut.
bobpiecheese - October 21, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I wish you could've gone into more detail, like Edward being a creepy, emotionally abusive stalker and all that jazz, but as a basic "Twilight sucks" parody, this was really effective, occasional pacing stumble notwithstanding. 555 better love stories than Twilight, ah ah ah!
Abbott Skelding - October 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Excellent! An obvious OS choice to go with the topic, and (as a guy...and a sane person) I hate the Twilight movies as well. I loved the Nosferatu reference and there were a lot of funny lines here as well. Great work!
Blaydeman - October 22, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I am also in camp "Hate-Twilight", although I must say the last one, was not that bad. However, this was good. Good lines, good rhyming, good pacing. I don't know if you actually meant for this line to be a reference, but is, "What's next a zombie that's been preened?!" a reference to the novel and film Warm Bodies. If so, yay! I really like that movie. Good work, sir Matthias!
Matthias - October 22, 2014 - Report this comment
@Blaydeman: No, That wasn't intentionally a reference to "Warm Bodies" but I do know what you're talking about. I guess I'm cleverer than I thought haha

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