Yes folks. Valentine’s Day is almost here. Which means its time to show how much you love your lovey-doveys. And as we all know there is nothing that expresses ethereal longing as purely as expensive greetings cards, shiny chocolates and overpriced flowers. But, this year, before you rush over to the Archie’s outlets either to empty your wallet or to try to pelt stones at the store and harass its customers, let me take a moment (and a few more) of your time to tell you of a new Valentine’s Day gift-item that is sure to arouse your interests.

Among other things.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present GooGooGaGaChoChweetChweet, a CD of the very best, and I mean the very best of Valentine’s Day music brought to you by GB Industries —yes the same corporation that ushered in a lingerie revolution in India with its “Victor Banerjee Secrets” line of sensual inner-wear.

Oh no you say. Been there, heard that. “Valentine Day ke din main kahe doon ankehi”. “Abh mujhe raat din tera hi khayal hain.” Every music company with a CD burner releases these sappy tracks around this time of the year, hoping to rake in a quick buck.

But wait. This one is different.

GooGooGaGaChoChweetChweet is a musical offering to the spirit of Valentine’s Day and to the myriad shades of this special date. Whether it be the sheer madness of first love or the tired desperation of the thirty-seventh, whether it be a declaration of a “special friendship” or its consummation, whether it be an expression of desire for your wife or for her hot friend, whether it be the warm fuzziness of a candle-lit dinner or the fuzzy warmness of the darkened bedroom, nothing and I mean nothing captures each aspect of Valentine’s Day as accurately and as inclusively as this musical medley, drawn almost exclusively and eclectically from Hindi movies from the 1980s and the 1990s.

Still confused?

Don’t blame yourself. Love does that to all of us.

Just read on as we give you a teaser into what we have for you in our exclusive collection. Track 1: Mamma Mia Pom Pom [Video Link] Movie: Justice Chowdhury

Rarely has love been expressed as poetically as in the lines “Mamma Mia Pom Pom”. If Valentines’ isn’t the time for pressing each other’s accelerators (“accelerator aur dabayo”) and doing “pom poms” while jumping around as if one’s pants are on fire, then pray tell me what is? Track 4: Aoooaaaa [Video Link] Movie: Shola Aur Shabnam

Yeh ishq naheen hain asaan. What if the girl you desire is “kisi aur ka”? Imagine you are a 30-something NCC cadet and walk into a club to find her dirty-dancing with someone like Monish Behl. What do you do? Just watch Govinda as he wins the girl over with his awesome dance moves and spreads so much passion in the air that even the Hiterlian Major (Anupam Kher) and the Commissioner ( Alok Nath) can do nothing but scream Aoooaaa in lust and kiss each other. Track 5: Oii Amma [Video Link] Movie: Mawaali

Love soars. Saris fly. Very few songs cut to the chase as quick as this song featuring Jeetendra and Jaya Samajwadi Prada, leaving no doubt in the minds of people that “love is all about never having to say you are in a sari“. Track 8: Are You Ready? [Video Link] Movie: Naakabandi

When the moment comes and your lover is dropping signals left and right that she is willing to “give it up”, are you “ready”? I mean seriously. Are you “ready”? Or do you have to say “Makanakamakanaka Jhingjhing Chakamaka” and get a whole troop of choreographed vampires and snake-frying orientals dance behind you as you reach inside your wallet trying to find that blasted rubber you thought you had there. Track 12: Aaj Hum Tum O Sanam [Video Link] Movie: Saathi

Who says Valentine’s Day is only for heterosexual love? No-one. This lovely song from the movie “Saathi” in which Aditya Pancholi and Mohsin Khan (a Pakistani opening batsman famous for partnerships with a certain Mud-Ass-Ar ) play two very happy friends, making no secret of their preference for each other even as the heroine pines for them, is dedicated to all you Adams and Steves. Track 13: Sorry Sorry [Video Link ] Movie: Zaalim

Face it. All of us have, at some point of our lives, screwed up our love interactions—compared the stamina of our current lover with our ex-s, written the wrong name in a romantic card and forgotten to clear the cache after using our partner’s machine to surf the Net. Next time such a thing happens, do as this song does. However do remember to get the Geisha girls beforehand. Track 14: For Adults Only [Video Link] Movie: Aakhri Ghulam

I am sure that I can speak for all guys when I say that they do love it when girls tell them their life stories, hopes and aspirations– memories of family weddings, outings to the circus and desire to have two kids. But what they most appreciate is the “one-track-mind” girl whose book of life is, as the song goes, for “Adults Only” (preferably with illustrations) Track 16 (Bonus): The Condom Song [Video Link]

One thing to remember during Valentine’s Day is safety. Which is why we include the public service “Condom Song” in our collection ,combining as it does public service, information and viral nirodh dance moves in a way that is extremely rare.

We have not told you the details of our full list of course.

As the song goes: Thoda intezar ka maza lijiye.

Oops I didnt give away one more track did I?

Our operators are online, waiting for your call. Order now and we will be eternally grateful to you. Call within the next fifteen minutes and we will be doubly eternally grateful to you. Yes that’s right. At no extra cost.
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