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23 May 2013

I think I've talked about our um ... unhealthy dependency on sound machines around here? We travel with them and sleep with them and love them like our 4th, 5th, and 6th children because they are an important part of the sleep equation up in here, up in here.

The kids are supposed to be napping right now and they are BUT Sebastian's sound machine is on its last leg and it keeps turning off and waking him so I have to go hit it just so and let out 5 consecutive exasperated sighs JUST so and then place it delicately one foot from his crib and two feet from the window and unplug it and plug it back in and then do a little dance ... make a little love ... and THEN the ocean comes waving back to life. And after all of that I have to beg poor Bash to PLEASE go back to sleep which he kindly does and then the stupid waves cease to crash all over again and I don't know if I have any hair left to pull out because this week!!! This week is ... it's a something. Something not good.

I've read SO many insightful and wonderful blog posts lately and I'm like, "wow! the readers of this post are better people for having read it and are really going to take something great away from this great post!" and I am not a writer of such posts because if you've read .75 of a post on this bliggity bloggle then you'll know that I mostly just complain. Sometimes I think I should stop but then yesterday's water heater fiasco from hell happens and after being on hold for 45 minutes I dramatically ask the customer service b (who refuses to send a plumber for 24 hours because of a really brilliant policy of some sort) how I'm supposed to feed the child that is dependent on formula + water? Am I supposed to magically start lactating again?! (a finer moment of Grace's that I truly hope the blessed b treasured), or a sound machine drops an atomic on the little chunk of daily quiet, or Simon texts after 5pm that he is just now seeing the patient scheduled for 2pm aaaaand my good attitude that I woke up with and vowed to cling to ... it has a short little rope that frays and disappears embarrassingly easily.

I keep reminding myself that Simon won't always be on this unbelievable rotation that has him scrubbing for surgeries scheduled for 2pm at 6pm which gets him home at youcanimaginepm. I just really hope he gets off before Bed Bath and Beyond closes tonight so he can go buy our fourth sound machine/7th child to replace this faulty jerk. The carts at that place are like the carts at Whole Foods and they are naw-ha-ha-ha-at built with cart sitting children in mind and I'm not in the mood for Destination: Adventureland, Population: three children all incapable of walking at a normal pace in public and one mom with a single strand of hair left on her head. I'm just not. Call me crazy - definitely, not maybe. I don't know why I'm bringing Carly Rae into this ... she's never done anything to me. I'm sorry.

Cleansing breath that does nothing.

Let me just get these things off my fingerpads and then I'll stop:

+ I added a can of salmon (who has that in their pantry? this idiot) to the kids (organic!!!) macaroni thinking I was being one of those sneaky moms that adds pureed healthy to stuff and kids eat it right up with big smiles and NO. It was maybe my biggest culinary regret to date which is ... a FEAT.

+ Sebastian presented me with a diaper situation this morning that forced me to first remove both my wedding and engagement rings before I dug in. Again with the feating.

+ All I want to do right now is rekindle my abusive relationship with Jillian while watching my new terribly guilty pleasure that is Scandal (is Kerry Washington not the prettiest? She is) or the Bachelor's Funniest Moments but I thought typing about my feelings would be cathartic because I'm self-involved like dat.

+ Netflix did away with a lot of kids shows and Dora was one of them. This adversely affects my life WAY more than I'll ever admit and whatever dumbo made that decision better hope he/she never has a brush with Grace. That would be a threat, yes.

Ummm ... good things? I did Julia's hair and now I call her Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm and she just looks at me like -- you've FINALLY lost it completely, haven't you? I'm sure she pulled it out before she went to sleep and she'll make Medusa's mane look tame but it was nice (and sunny! laugh) while it lasted. This is totally going to bite me in the bottom because you know that unwritten rule when you brag about your baby sleeping through the night/being potty trained/never getting sick/talking at 6 months/etc and then 3 seconds later they regress on said brag? That will happen here probably but Bash has been all up in Theo's grill lately and Theo is the nicest sport about the aggressive affection. Maybe because Simon hasn't been home to wrestle but Sebastian just can't help himself and just plops himself on Theo's little lap whenever he pleases and my don't they have similar coloring? Okay this stuff isn't great but the mini bottles get me every time and it's way better than the cans of Coors Light sitting ugly in the fridge. Kristin claims the Skinnygirl Cosmos are better which I intend on trying riddy riddy soon.

Moral of the post? Everything is going to be fine come mid-August when Simon starts a decentish rotation. Hold on tight until then. Thanks a trill.
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