Won't Somebody Think Of The Children? That's all I can hear.

I'd like to share a little detail about myself: I was not raised in a religious environment. I think the closest was that one of my Irish grandparents forbade me from being raised Catholic. One of the Catholic grandparents, I believe. As a result, I was raised around very little religious influence and did not attend a church with any regularity until I was in high school, at which point a tall, freckled ginger invited me to go to her youth group meetings with her.

I feel, in the long run, I may have been a bad influence on her. She's since gone on to marry the school's most intense metal-head and had a couple of offspring with him.

I was ejected from this congregation after nearly a year of asking too many questions and bringing in other people who asked too many questions. I have a tendency to ask difficult questions, and as I've grown, the language and placement of my questions have been refined to the point where they can be boiled down to "Is it, though?"

This approach to life not only leads to interesting answers, but to conflict as well. Such as every time a white dude commits a crime, and the inevitable progressive cry of "It's terrorism" goes up and I'm compelled to ask "Is it, though?"

The most entertaining train of thought that I've heard recently has been regarding the Parkland students that have had their smug teenage faces plastered over every Left-leaning news outlet: "Just when I thought ______ couldn't go any lower, they stoop to making fun of children."

Well, I'm not exactly who you're aiming at, but yes, I would stoop to making fun of children.

I can't stand children. But above all that, I used to be one. I used to be a snotty, idealistic little brat that wanted to be the hero of my own story, and then after attending a high school in Alabama and being a freaky little goth kid at said school, very nearly becoming a headline myself in one of these stories. I remember how emotionally charged and how uneducated about the world I was, so I will absolutely make fun of children, and most importantly, why do you sound like Helen goddamn Lovejoy? Why have you spent the last few decades laughing at anyone who said "Won't somebody think of the children" just to turn around and say the exact thing the moment there's some children who got on CNN and said exactly what you wanted to hear?

But no, I don't think they're 'crisis actors.' I don't think they're just doing it for attention, but damn if they didn't get attention; Emma Gonzalez and David The Hogg are gonna have a career in front of them. Did you know Emma has her own article in Teen Vogue discussing her hair, or lack thereof?

Did you know that David Hogg has been featured heavily for attacking advertisers, supporters, or even companies that have discounts with the NRA?(Wait, hang on, that link may have been wrong. My bad.)

I will not stop saying that Gonzalez looks like a Fallout character.

I will not stop pointing out the irony of her wearing a Cuban patch on her coat.

I will not stop saying that Hogg looks like a special effect, or that he and his sister's armband gambit was hilarious.

These are kids who got thrust into the spotlight and ran with it. They're public figures now, subject to criticism and ridicule. If you don't want them to face that, then don't promote them. Posted by Salem MacGourley at 3/30/2018 0 comments Links to this post Labels: Light the fire and walk away, Politics, Salem MacGourley

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Assorted Calibers Podcast: the Logo

I had a notion and some time this morning, so I threw together a rough draft of what I thought our logo ought to look like. Weerd tells me he likes it, so I guess we're going with it. I asked Oleg Volk to take some pictures of ammunition for us so that we don't have to pay Shutterstock to remove their dumb watermark. Expect a much nicer version of this logo when the episodes officially drop.

By the way, we have a Facebook group now, so be sure to join so you can pester Weerd about when the podcast is going to air! ;) Posted by Erin Palette at 3/27/2018 0 comments Links to this post Monday, March 26, 2018

Busy For the Next Week Posted by Erin Palette at 3/26/2018 0 comments Links to this post Pellatarrum: Dwarf Migrations Given that the dwarven city-state of Agnakorem is both resource-rich and of infinite height, one wonders why dwarves exist anywhere else. After all, was it not designed to be a dwarven paradise?

It was, but that doesn't mean the residents of heaven are angels. Or, to paraphrase Sartre, "Hell is other dwarves." There are a few reasons for this.

So any dwarf who is a little bit different from the norm, or who is nontraditional, or who likes privacy, or wants to try a new technique, or has more ambition than patience is likely to say "Screw this! I'm out of here. I'm going to find my own mineral vein, and set up my own forge/shop/school/colony, and do things my way!" These dwarves are often charismatic and take friends and family with them when they leave.

This makes everyone happy: disruptive elements are removed from traditional Agnakorem society, and the young dwarves get to do things their own way... until, of course, they become the Council of Smiths, telling upstart dwarves of the next generation to slow down, think things through, and act in the (new) traditional manner.

And thus the cycle repeats. Posted by Erin Palette at 3/24/2018 0 comments Links to this post To the crown of Scotland:

I am Salem and I confess.

I have been #GrosslyOffensive.

I wish to be barred from entering your country.

On pain of death if need be. Posted by Salem MacGourley at 3/21/2018 0 comments Links to this post Tuesday, March 20, 2018

All Aboard the Hype Train!

Buckle up, buttercups, because at least one of these announcements is going to BLOW. YOUR. MINDS.

The Return of Weerdy and Pony
Last night, Weerd Beard and I recorded episode 001 of the Assorted Calibers Podcast!

ACP (yes, that was deliberate) is the spiritual successor to the GunBlog VarietyCast. Not only will we talk about issues of the day relevant to gunnies, but we also have gunnie contributors talking about the things they find interesting.

In Episode 001, I discuss Florida's new gun control bill SB 7026 and what it means for Floridians. There's also a Patented Weerd Audio Fisk (tm), and new contributor Savage1R from We Like Shooting tells us about bitcoins in his Savage Segment.

Want to know more? Of course you do! So stay tuned for more information on when the Assorted Calibers Podcast drops!

UMW Speaking Engagement
On March 30th I will be in Fredericksburg, VA at the University of Mary Washington for their first annual 2A Day! As you can see by the schedule below, there will be a lot of great speakers, so if you're able please come by and hear me speak. For those interested in attending, this map shows the parking areas (circled in blue) relative to the building where the even is being held (circled in red). Stop by and say hi! Posted by Erin Palette at 3/20/2018 0 comments Links to this post Monday, March 19, 2018

Pellatarrum: A Brief History of the Fire War Really, it's the elves' fault. Posted by Erin Palette at 3/19/2018 0 comments Links to this post Friday, March 16, 2018

"Transgender" Does Not Mean "Mentally Ill" Posted by Erin Palette at 3/16/2018 0 comments Links to this post Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Ideological Whiplash and the Treatment For It Siddown, kiddos. Uncle Salem's got the whiskey back, and the white collar's going back on. The Reverend is in.

I have been asked a few times my thoughts regarding the recent noises that President Trump has made regarding violence and video games.

I am, frankly, unconcerned. This is hardly the first time that video games have been put through the government ringer. I'm old enough to remember the Family Entertainment Protection Act and its sponsor. I've heard the tales of Tipper Gore and the PMRC.

I'm only surprised that it took this long for Trump and Hillary Clinton to align on an issue. I'm also aware that, after analyzing (that's not something that you pay Stormy Daniels not to talk about, in case you need it pointed out) the situation, that it's more than likely this is a giant cloud of hot air that Trump is pushing to distract from the NRA.

What perturbs me about the situation is the moral vanguard of defenders that have arisen to defend the poor, defenseless art form against the big scary cheeto man.

Such as Polygon. Or Feminist Frequency. Or Vice's Motherboard. Or any number of examples that I could dig up with a marginal effort.

See, there's something you should realize as you pull an ideological 180 so quickly that your scraggly beards crawl up to cover your prematurely-balding heads: that you're no longer welcome to defend an art form after you spend the better part of the decade bashing it.

You don't get spend five years vacillating between implying and outright declaring that video games will turn you into anything from a rapist to a murderer because the pretty Armenian girl with the teleseminar background bats her eyelashes approvingly at you, then turn around and pretend to be strident defenders of artistic freedom when the mean man in the big house on the hill says the same things she did, albeit not nearly as artistically.

It rings incredibly hollow and lends an inordinate amount of credence to the Trump Derangement Syndrome theory. You truly are pivoting on a position just because he said something you agreed with 10 minutes ago.

Video games survived government overreach once before, and yes, you played a part in that. You're not needed anymore. The internet exists, and gives a voice to each and every person that chooses to use that voice. Even people you don't like. Especially people you've spent the last 5 or so years painting as the most dangerous villains on the planet.

There is the road. Those are some rocks. Kick the rocks. At least the rocks won't kick back. Posted by Salem MacGourley at 3/14/2018 0 comments Links to this post Labels: Minor spleen ventage, Politics, Salem MacGourley, Video Games, Why is the whiskey always gone

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Pellatarrum: Idle Thoughts Lead to Mad Noodlings Me:  "You know, the Summon Monster spells suck at lower levels. Everything at level 1 sucks, and why would you want to summon anything except elementals at levels 2 and 3?"

Also me, after poking around for a while: "Why are there lightning elementals? Lightning isn't a classical element. Sure, it's the energy associated with Air in Pathfinder, but.... oh. Hmm."

Me, later: "Okay, so I have to dip into 3rd party content to do it -- but it's from a reliable and respected publisher so that's cool -- but I have statted-up elementals for each of the elemental energies. Well, except for fire, because fire is always an energy, but I can deal with that later. But it's so weird that there are listings for mud, magma and salt elementals."

Me, much later: "OK, so regular elementals are their platonic states. Then we have the energy states -- I'll call them 'energetics' -- and they're the ones which have been energized by the positive energy plane. Which means we need negative-energy infused elementals as well -- I think I'll call them 'entropics', nice alliteration there -- and that's great because it means that salt can be the negative form of water. I'll need to come up with entropic forms of the other elements, though. And fire.. okay, I can rationalize that because all of the elemental forms don't have any ranged attacks, so I can further differentiate energetics by making them all blaster types. Which means I need to rename "ice" to "cold", but I can keep the power, and I'll have to stat up a ranged version for fire and call it "heat". Great. But mud and magma are like half-and-half elementals..."

Me, even later: "OK SO I HAVE CREATED A MATRIX TO DEVISE NAMES FOR ALL THE ELEMENTAL HYBRIDS. I'm a little bit crazy, but that's okay. I'm going to need to stat up most of them, but maybe I can steal powers from mephits or other elemental creatures.... but WHY DO THESE THINGS EXIST? Some of these planes don't even touch?"

Me, getting out of bed to write something down because this entire process has shaken something loose: "well that's a clear and easy way to differentiate the major races on a two-axis graph zzzzzzzzz." Posted by Erin Palette at 3/13/2018 0 comments Links to this post Labels: House Rules, Pellatarrum, Worldbuilding

Monday, March 12, 2018

Operation Blazing Sword's Position Regarding SB 7026 Posted by Erin Palette at 3/12/2018 0 comments Links to this post Saturday, March 10, 2018

My Thoughts on SB 7026

Creates the Office of Safe Schools On the one hand, the bill begins with

Well, the very next part of the bill reads Posted by Erin Palette at 3/10/2018 2 comments Links to this post Thursday, March 8, 2018

In Memoriam: Christian Jack Scheel 7/7/17 – 3/6/18 Art Scheel, also known as "Anti Tango", suffered a devastating loss this week when his 8 month old son Christian died.

Here's the story in his own words.

I can't even begin to process this. I've never had children, so I don't know what kind of love that is, or what kind of fear a parent has for them. I call it a slippery, spherical tragedy; like trying to pick up a greased bowling ball, it's something I cannot grasp... and yet, I'm still struck ill by this terrible thing, which tells me that what the Scheel family is going through is immeasurably worse.

Like many of you, I have this urgent desire to help, to comfort, to do something, anything, but am frustrated by the separation of distance between them and me and the knowledge that anything I do will be just a bandaid on an amputated limb.

Still, if you're like me you'll want to do something to help. Here's what you can do: Posted by Erin Palette at 3/08/2018 4 comments Links to this post Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Catastrophic Human Emulation Failure

Booting system Commencing system check...

Memory unit: yellow

Initializing tactics log...

Catastrophic damage detected

Vitals: Red

Warning: trauma detected in the following systems

Ambulatory systems offline

Black Box system failure

IFF system failure

Pod connection not found

DBU Setup failed

Primary inertia control system offline

Engaging secondary motion control systems...

Primary boot sequence halted: Offline repairs recommended before continuing

Mission status: incomplete

Emergency override initiated...

Loading backup personality profile... Posted by Salem MacGourley at 3/07/2018 0 comments Links to this post Labels: #RoseArmy, Artistic Shitposting, Salem MacGourley

Monday, March 5, 2018

Pathfinder: Lingering Injuries

Instead, it'll work like this: The Google Docs version can be grabbed here. Posted by Erin Palette at 3/05/2018 1 comments Links to this post Sunday, March 4, 2018

I Did a Thing Posted by Erin Palette at 3/04/2018 0 comments Links to this post Thursday, March 1, 2018
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