Friday, May 8, 2009

before we turn to stone...

I've been kind of silent on the blog front here for a while. I've had an eventful past few weeks...not necessarily in the good kind of way. Its been rough actually. Really rough. I went home for a week for a break. It was nice.
And now I'm back in Edmonton. Working landscaping. Its nice to be outside again all day, but it's terribly lonely this year.
After work, it's finally the time of year when the sun streams into my kitchen windows for most the evening and I can simply sit and sip wine and enjoy it, but Patrick is half a country away and so that makes home feel kind of lonely too.
I do have Jayda around and though she's become pretty sweet towards me, she mostly just brings me dead mice to deal with and covers my sweaters with cat hair.
I am continually flying back and forth between stable and solid and confident and then in the next breath, feeling as though I am, my life is, completely unravelling. Recently someone asked me what has made me thrive lately. I had no answer. I'm mostly just focused on breathing, trying to only deal with the moment I'm in without being overwhelmed by it, let alone being overwhelmed by the future moments it is connected to.

I have been watching the clouds lately though. All these spring rainstorms we've been having this week have made for some beautiful skies. I like to put my iPod to something epic sounding and just look up and watch the sky and breathe. I got to the shop early on wednesday morning, about 6:40 am, and sat on the side of the gravel road, put on this song and watched the sky...some of it looked like this:
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