Starbucks introduced their new Unicorn Frappuccino for a limited time. The fruity drink will be available in select stores April 19-23. (Amber Ferguson/The Washington Post) 
 
 Starbucks released its long-rumored Unicorn Frappuccino in stores Wednesday. (Maura Judkis/The Washington Post) 
 
 Most people think of unicorns as cuddly-cute magical rainbow sparkle horses, right? Except according to ancient lore, the mythical creature was “the fiercest animal, and it is said that it is impossible to capture one alive,” Pliny wrote. “Its cry is a deep bellow.” 
 
 A deep bellow was the noise heard across America when Starbucks released its long-rumored Unicorn Frappuccino in participating stores nationwide Wednesday. It is, indeed, a fearsome beast, one “made with a sweet dusting of pink powder blended into a crème Frappuccino with mango syrup, and layered with a pleasantly sour blue powder topping,” according to a Starbucks news release. It changes colors from purple to pink when you stir in “swirls of blue.” 
 
 When a news release identifies a drink’s component parts by its colors, rather than its flavors — well, that’s a pretty telling detail. And sure enough, it is vibrant and fun. But what flavor is “pink?” Pink is the flavor of Lisa Frank trapper keepers and strawberry milk. What does sour blue powder taste like? Like Jolly Ranchers, and shame. I guess there’s some mango in there, although it’s overshadowed by a mouth-puckering sour flavor and immediately forgotten in the aftermath of a long-lasting, tongue-coating Robitussin aftertaste. 
 
 [�?Please don’t get it’: Starbucks baristas are flipping out over the Unicorn Frappuccino] 
 
 Really, it does not matter what candies and medicines and emotions these colored powders taste like. This drink exists only to be Instagrammed, hashtag unicorn emoji, hashtag magical. 
 
 With the release, Starbucks has become the latest brand to capitalize on the social-media-famous unicorn food trend. There are unicorn noodles, lattes, toast, macarons, pancakes and Pop-Tarts. There are even “unicorn poop” cookies — a riff on a popular Internet meme that asserts that unicorns, um, excrete rainbows. 
 
 [Stephen Colbert’s Unicorn Frappuccino review: “It tastes like I French-kissed Tinker Bell"] 
 
 Let’s all be thankful Starbucks didn’t pursue that line of reasoning. 
 
 The drink is topped with a dusting of colored powders. (Maura Judkis/The Washington Post) 
 
 Teenage girls are the demographic for this drink, right? Because I, a 31-year-old woman, felt way too old to be carrying one of these down the street, the judgmental stares of Real Adults boring into me. And even though they released a drink that looks like a liquefied Grateful Dead T-shirt the day before 4/20, the holiday for marijuana smokers, Starbucks’ spokesmen are adamant that the timing is coincidental. 
 
 It tastes like sour birthday cake and Instagram likes. It tastes like a creamsicle dredged in Pixy Stix. It’s only available until April 23, and once it goes away, we’ll all wonder: Was it just a myth? 
 
 Read more: 
 
 This is your food on acid: Why edible rainbows have taken over the Internet 
 
 Brands want to capitalize on 4/20 munchies. Pot advocates say it’s time to grow up. 
 
 This is why you’re seeing so much beef jerky lately 
 
 Celebrate anything, or nothing, with one of these 10 cakes ||||| A blue raspberry snow cone and a bottle of children’s bubble gum medicine conceived an illegitimate child in the back alley behind Starbucks and birthed the “Unicorn Frappucino,” a new drink on which no one should waste $4.90. 
 
 To be fair, I knew I was going to hate it, but I gave Starbucks the benefit of the doubt. I already knew that anything sugary, fruity, or dyed pink is not something I would enjoy. I should have seen the unicorn branding effort for what it is: food trend-chasing and a branding attempt meant to cover up for the beverage conglomerate’s recent failures. But I had a Starbucks gift card, and as we all know, not all heroes wear capes. 
 
 Here is a genuine question: How did this drink make it out of Starbucks’ test labs? Surely it went through multiple rounds of taste-testing? I know Starbucks can afford to create dumb gimmicks just to lure people into stores, but can’t they at least be dumb gimmicks that taste good? 
 
 My conversation with the barista, Marcia, was foreshadowing. 
 
 “Is it good?” I asked her before ordering. 
 
 “Yeah…it is good,” she said with zero confidence. If Starbucks is going to roll out bad products and ask employees to lie about them, they need to at least include a guide on how to do that convincingly. It is not hard to throw a one-pager in along with the instructions on how to blend berry Skittles and sour cake batter. 
 
 “What does it taste like?” 
 
 “It tastes like…candy…and…milk.” Again, not hard to print off a few talking points. “At the least the kids like it,” she assured me. The only other person in the store drinking a Unicorn Frappuccino was a small girl, probably six or seven years old, wearing pink leggings. 
 
 This is my first frappuccino order in years. Marcia handed it to me, laughing. I walked outside and took a sip only to immediately realize this entire drink was going to be wasted. A few more drinks and my teeth were already hurting. According to a chalkboard sign inside the Starbucks, part of the gimmick is that it’s a “flavor-changing” frappuccino. I guess you are supposed to be able to enjoy it sweet, then stir in the sour flavoring, but the sour bubblegum taste was unbearable no matter how I strategically placed my straw. 
 
 I thought I would at least be able to just eat the whipped cream topping and find one enjoyable aspect. Wrong. I spooned out the whipped cream and it was even worse! The pink and blue dust sprinkled on top contaminated the cream with what I suspect to be nothing more than granulated citric acid. 
 
 As I continued to take sips, at this point strictly for the purpose of writing a review, I was reminded of something I overheard in a CVS a few weeks ago. Standing at the pharmacy counter, a desperate dad begged the pharmacist to add bubblegum flavor to his son’s medicine. He said he was having trouble getting the son to take this medicine that he really needed to get well. 
 
 I couldn’t help but think this must be exactly what Starbucks did also. In their desperation to find the next Pumpkin Spice Latte (their fall attempt at doing this with the “Chile Mocha” was pretty good) or to regroup after yanking their “Evenings” wine and beer menu, they became that dad at CVS. 
 
 I could actually create a great metaphor here, but it’s amusing to instead make a literal comparison in which Starbucks sought that exact artificial bubblegum flavor I remember from taking medicine as a child, and blending it with other candy syrups and their frappuccino milk base. But instead of worrying if it tastes good, they only needed to ensure it was pretty enough to Instagram. 
 
 All things mystical and unicorn-y are the latest branding craze and food trend. Just last month, Tarte Cosmetics launched their “Make Believe in Yourself” collection, which features lots of shimmery and glitter products as well as a set of unicorn horn-shaped brushes. Other coffee shops and Brooklyn breakfast spots are churning our versions of unicorn bagels, unicorn lattes, and unicorn macaroons. I guess part of me doesn’t blame Starbucks for trying to play the game. But I do blame them for the highway robbery I and my tastebuds experienced this afternoon. 
 
 You don’t have to take my word for it. I will let this Starbucks barista’s tweet have the final word on the Unicorn Frappuccino. ||||| Trend-chasing coffee titan Starbucks is jumping on the Lisa Frankenfoods bandwagon with the release of a new unicorn-themed version of its most popular specialty drink, the Frappuccino. Pictures of this pink-and-blue creation are starting to surface on Instagram and Twitter: 
 
 The rumors are true! Come in to your closest Starbucks April 20th to try the new Unicorn Frappuccino!(for limited time) pic.twitter.com/iyYjLKEkgz — hunter (@HuntzMorgan) April 14, 2017 
 
 The company has not made any official announcements about this menu item yet, but baristas have been chatting about it on Reddit for the last four days, and Snacktaku’s Mike Fahey — whose wife works at Starbucks — got an early taste of this drink yesterday. Fahey describes the Unicorn Frappuccino as having a “sour raspberry flavor” that’s kind of like “fresh fruit,” but the drink is also shot through with a “horrible sour syrup.” One Starbucks Redditor also remarks that it “tastes just like those Tropical Skittles.” 
 
 Unicorn Frappuccino u like? @mikeequintos haha only available if you believe pic.twitter.com/dDb2YfKXaw — Mikee Quintos (@onlyformikee) April 16, 2017 
 
 This magical beast-themed drink is rumored to launch on Wednesday, April 19. 
 
 • Unicorn Frappuccino 2017 [Reddit] 
 
 • Snacktaku Drinks Starbucks' Unicorn Frappuccino [Snacktaku] 
 
 • Holy Sh*t, Starbucks Might Be Releasing a Unicorn Frappuccino! [PS] 
 
 • All Coverage of Starbucks [E]
– Starbucks is calling a limited-time beverage that changes colors and flavors with a stir of the straw a "Unicorn Frappuccino," the AP reports. The chain says the drink was inspired by the trend of unicorn-themed food online and starts out purple with a sweet and fruity taste. It changes to pink and tart after it's stirred to mix in a blue drizzle. It will be available from Wednesday to Sunday in the US, Canada, and Mexico, with a 12-ounce size containing 280 calories. USA Today says the Unicorn Frappuccino "either sounds like a dream come true or truly disgusting." And Eater quotes an anonymous Starbucks employee who got an early sample as saying it "tastes just like those Tropical Skittles." We'll have to wait until Wednesday to see what actual customers think of the colorful creation.