Ricky Gervais promised to offend Hollywood. He did not disappoint. 
 
 The actor-comic opened the 73rd annual Golden Globes by mocking Sean Penn, Caitlyn Jenner, Roman Polanski, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeffrey Tambor, Ben Affleck, and many more. 
 
 Here is a rundown of the bluntly sarcastic four-time host’s funniest and/or most offensive lines from the Beverly Hilton — including what Gervais said to Mel Gibson that was entirely bleeped by NBC: 
 
 — “You disgusting, pill-popping, sexual deviant scum. I’m going to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me … snitch.” 
 
 — “You’re global megastars with amazing talent. Most of you. Some of you just married well. You know who are you. We all do.” 
 
 — “It’s right that NBC should host this award show. They’re the only network that’s truly fair and impartial and that’s because they’re the only network with zero nominations. So … nothing in it for ‘em tonight. They don’t care, obviously.” 
 
 — “I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed — not as much as Bruce Jenner. Obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she’s had! She became a role model for trans-people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers. But you can’t have everything, can ya? Not at the same time.” 
 
 — “One publication said me hosting would mean some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from a chance of getting a Golden Globe — particularly if their film company has already paid for it.” 
 
 — “The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. Yeah. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it it exposes that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it ‘the best date movie ever.’” 
 
 — “Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood. She received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying, ‘How the hell can a 25-year-old live on $52 million?!’” 
 
 — “Of course woman should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I’d like to say now, I’m being paid exactly the same as [what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler received] last year. No, I know there were two of them, but it’s not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That’s their stupid fault. It’s funny because it’s true.” 
 
 — “The Hollywood Foreign Press deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it. And hence, Matt Damon is here tonight. So that worked a treat, didn’t it? To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again, so was Schindler’s List.“ 
 
 — “All-female remakes are the big thing. There’s a female remake of Ghostbusters. There’s going to be a female remake of Ocean’s 11. And this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.” 
 
 — “The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press said if I say anything offensive, or crass, or resort to innuendo, he’s going to personally come out here and ‘pull me off.’ So that’s an offer I couldn’t refuse. Yes, yes, that is the level — an old man pulling me off. Again. At least Jeffrey Tambor did it in a dress.” 
 
 — “Remember if you do win tonight, no one cares about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional, it’s embarrassing. That award is, no offense, worthless. It’s a bit of metal some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you, okay? That’s all it is!” 
 
 — “I won three Golden Globes myself … one I keep by the bed to — it doesn’t matter why, it’s mine. I won it fair and square. It’s just the right shape and size, it’s nothing… yeah. To be clear: That was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes that I’ve won up my ass.” 
 
 — On introducing presenter Matt Damon: “He’s the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.” 
 
 — On introducing Eva Longoria and America Ferrera: “Two people who your future president, Donald Trump, can’t wait to deport.” 
 
 — On the films Joy and Trainwreck. “No, not the names of Charlie Sheen’s favorite hookers. The movies of these next two presenters.” 
 
 — On introducing Mel Gibson after his infamous takedown of the actor during the Globes in 2010: “I’m in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. Listen, I’m sure it’s embarrassing for both of us. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames…we know who Mel blames. Listen, I still feel a bit bad for it. Mel’s forgotten all about it apparently, that’s what drinking does. I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I’d rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby.” Then after Gibson came out on stage, Gervais asked him — and this was entirely bleeped by NBC: “What the f–k does ‘sugar t-ts’ even mean?’” 
 
 RELATED: Full Globes winners list 
 
 Before the ceremony, Gervais tweeted a shirtless photo of himself with a profane message warning that he would offend Hollywood on Sunday night. And on the red carpet before the telecast from the Beverly Hilton Hotel, Gervais confirmed to Matt Lauer that his Globes bosses gave him free reign: “They said I could say what I want — NBC and the Hollywood Foreign Press. I don’t think they know what that means. I won’t break any laws.” 
 
 RELATED: All the Red Carpet Arrivals from the 2016 Golden Globes 
 
 For more, here’s EW’s Golden Globes live blog, our red carpet photo gallery and the full list of winners. ||||| The hosts, the speeches and some of the winners (and losers) helped make up for a ceremony that — surprise! — played off the stage most of the big winners because of time constraints. But the Globes were more fun than infuriating, and the pace was quick. TWITTER 
 
 Hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were great, Jodie Foster was enigmatic, and the awards were all over the map as Hollywood's party masquerading as ceremony delivered the entertainment. 
 
 While the Golden Globes suffered the fate of far too many awards shows -- having to play off the winners the audience most wants to see because of time constraints -- it was nevertheless a funny, rousing and swiftly paced affair. Credit in large part goes to hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, plus Cecil B. DeMille Award recipient Jodie Foster, whose enigmatic acceptance speech was, by turns, funny, personal, touching and odd. 
 
 Fey and Poehler lightly mocked past host Ricky Gervais and then -- with the audience believing this would be a night filled with less stinging sarcasm -- turned their attentions to director Kathryn Bigelow. Poehler said, brilliantly, "I haven't been following the controversy surrounding Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron." 
 
 It was the night's best and biggest laugh, a well-crafted thing of beauty that will be remembered for a very long time. And it set the tone for the much-loved comedic actresses to host the rest of the awards show (though there were points where they were badly needed back onstage, mostly when there were technical glitches or when the pomposity had reached proportions that needed tamping down). Fey had another rousing joke when she congratulated Anne Hathaway's performance in Les Miserables and added, "I have not seen someone alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars." 
 
 PHOTOS: Red Carpet Arrivals for the 2013 Golden Globes 
 
 The duo later would dress up as fake acting nominees, and the celebrities who were announcing went along with the trick, which worked because it was both funny and absurd. 
 
 And that's what you really want at the Golden Globes. You want a party where celebrities can relax (unlike at the Oscars) and drink Champagne and mingle with other stars to the delight of the home viewing audience. The Globes are best when they don't take themselves seriously, when there are gaffes that are overcome or messy parts that are not given an apology. The Golden Globes can be the best awards show on television (admittedly, a low bar) when people at home feel like cameras have been dropped into a lavish Hollywood party, with schmoozing and gorgeous dresses, cleavage and bright smiles galore. 
 
 Although the Gervais hosting years were considered controversial (though he was brought back because he was a magnet for attention and interest), they also were quite funny and gave celebrities a good skewering, which is sometimes (check the economy) a good thing for normal people at home. But along with that, Gervais had become the show, so it was nice to see Fey and Poehler prove that they could be fantastic, funny hosts while also staying out of the limelight. 
 
 FULL LIST: 2013 Golden Globes Winners 
 
 You can debate the winners and losers somewhere else, but as for the content and how it played as a television event, there wouldn't be much to change. Former President Bill Clinton made a surprise appearance to introduce Lincoln (leading Fey and Poehler to say with faux giggly excitement that they'd seen Hillary Clinton's husband); Paul Rudd worked, comically, through some notable technical glitches and just laughed it off like a pro; singer Adele was the breath of fresh, unpretentious air that she always is (can she be invited to every awards show?); Jason Bateman played straight man to Aziz Ansari talking about the Downton Abbey people and pot; and Lena Dunham from Girls won best actress and fit her character almost too perfectly, wobbling on heels too high for her but then gushing out praise for being able to make a show about people trying to find their place. 
 
 In fact, Dunham got up again because Girls won for best show, and she inadvertently gave Poehler and Fey some great material because Dunham said their work helped her get through her adolescence. "Congratulations, Lena, glad we got you through middle school," Fey joked about feeling old. 
 
 There weren't many bits that flopped, though Sacha Baron Cohen might have qualified enough for some viewers (mocking, among others, Gerard Depardieu with a crude bathroom joke). Mel Gibson's presence in the room (guest of Foster) seemed to make people antsy. And Pepsi didn't do anyone any favors by playing its annoying Sofia Vergara commercial endlessly. 
 
 REACTIONS: Golden Globe Winners Backstage In Their Own Words 
 
 But the show had a forward motion all of its own, which is half the battle with these things. It was moving crisply until Foster's speech, which was both puzzling and poetic. Believably acting -- she is rather good, you know -- that she was going to "come out" on television, even though she already has, led to a joke about being single, then some very touching comments about former partner Cydney Bernard and their two boys. But there also were curious diversions into reality television, her age, coming out to close friends and her future as a director, then back to a very moving mention of her mother, etc. Not all of it made sense or seemed coherent, but there wasn't a moment of the speech that wasn't magnetic. 
 
 Now, the length of Foster's speech might have put the show's director and producer on their heels, but whatever time constraints that weren't addressed on the fly led to the inevitable downfall of all of these ceremonies: playing off winners in the biggest categories. They are at least partly why viewers tune in to the show, and playing them off seems rude while it deprives fans of moments they want to witness. 
 
 Is there no producer-director combo that can come up with a plan to avoid this? 
 
 Ultimately, however, even that wasn't enough to dull the night. The Globes were bubbly and entertaining, there were moments to remember, winners and losers to argue about and a pair of hosts who really nailed it. "We're going home with Jodie Foster" they yelled at the conclusion. 
 
 Perfect. 
 
 Email: Tim.Goodman@THR.com 
 
 Twitter: @BastardMachine ||||| Getty 
 
 Say hello to your 2016 Golden Globes host! As movie and television fanatics alike gear up for one of the most exciting award shows of the year, some might not be too familiar with this year’s host, Ricky Gervais. Never fear — we have five fast facts for you right here! 
 
 Unlike some award show hosts, Ricky Gervais, 54, isn’t the most household name in America. But considering the British comedian has such a major role in the 2016 Golden Globes as the night’s host, that could very well change! Despite the fact that he has hosted before, Golden Globe devotees might need to know a little more about who will be running the show on Jan. 10. Get to know Ricky below! 
 
 1. He has hosted the Golden Globes the most times. 
 
 This year’s Golden Globes will be Ricky’s fourth time hosting, giving him a leg up on the three-time hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. He also served as the master of ceremonies in 2010, 2011, and 2012. Because of his crude jokes that often involve celebrities in the audience, his returns have always been deemed controversial. 
 
 2. He isn’t afraid to throw shade — and Robert Downey Jr. isn’t exactly a fan of it. 
 
 Ricky is known for having a dark sense of humor as it is, but during his second Golden Globes hosting gig in 2011, he totally dissed Robert when introducing the actor. He listed off some of Robert’s movies before making a pretty personal slam: “He has done all those films, but many of you in this room know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail.” Even though Robert called him out for being “mean-spirited,” Ricky outwardly said he isn’t sorry! 
 
 3. He used to be a pop star. 
 
 Well, not quite. After attending college, Ricky attempted to start a career as a singer with a pop duo called Seona Dancing. Although the group landed a recording contract and released two singles, Ricky’s pop career didn’t last long as the group failed to gain much attention. 
 
 Join Amazon Prime For Free – Thousands of Movies & Shows Anytime 
 
 4. He was the original Michael Scott from The Office. 
 
 Ricky’s acting career really took off after he starred in a UK series of the same name beginning in 2001, which actually inspired the American remake because of its success overseas. He played office manager David Brent, whom Steve Carell‘s character is based off of. In fact, he’s a co-creator of both versions of the show! 
 
 Stream music, completely unlimited and ad-free, RIGHT HERE 
 
 5. He has actually won a Golden Globe himself. 
 
 Years before taking the stage as host, Ricky took home the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy in 2004 for his Office role as David Brent. He was also nominated for the same award in 2008 and 2015, but for his roles in Extras and Derek, respectively. 
 
 HollywoodLifers, are you glad Ricky is this year’s Golden Globes host? 
 
 JavaScript is required to load the comments.
– Sunday night marked Ricky Gervais' fourth time hosting the Golden Globes—more times than anyone else, even Tina Fey and Amy Poehler—and he's also been the most controversial. Why stars and show producers have always been nervous: Gervais isn't "afraid to throw shade," as Hollywood Life puts it (and a NSFW tweet he posted Sunday afternoon shows he wasn't exactly going in afraid to offend). So what came out of his mouth at this year's show? After showing up at the podium with a pint in hand and calling the audience a bunch of "disgusting, pill-popping, sexual deviant scum," Ricky Gervais confessed he wanted to go into hiding after doing the monologue and that "not even Sean Penn will find me. Snitch." He followed that up with a promise that he'd be nicer this time around, adding, "I've changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously." Gervais couldn't resist sneaking in some topical American humor. "Eva Longoria and America Ferrera aren't just beautiful, talented actresses," he noted. "They're also two people that your future president, Donald Trump, can't wait to deport." He stuck to his promise to "bite the hand that feeds me. "That award is, no offense, worthless," he told nominees. "It's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you." Along those same lines, per Entertainment Weekly: "It's right that NBC should host this award show. They're the only network that's truly fair and impartial and that's because they're the only network with zero nominations." "He's been the only person Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to," he said before calling Matt Damon to the stage, per the Telegraph. About women not getting paid as much as men in Hollywood: "I'm being paid exactly the same as [what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler received] last year. No, I know there were two of them, but it's not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That's their stupid fault." NBC bleeped out what Gervais said to Mel Gibson during their head-to-head, but EW says he noted: "What the f--k does 'sugar t-ts' even mean?"—a phrase Gibson reportedly used during a 2006 arrest. Here are the night's big winners.