When Larry King asked David Paterson tonight if his blindness made it hard for him to read the tabloid headlines about a story he claims doesn't exist, we understood the true meaning of "Kafkaesque". 
 
 David Paterson's appearance on Larry King Live was his most high-profile move yet to stifle the phantasmagorical sex rumors about him that exploded last Sunday—Super Bowl Sunday no less! We were one of a number of outlets speculating about an unpublished New York Times article with sexy revelations crazy enough to force Paterson's resignation. But it contained no such things, said Paterson's camp. And Paterson did not resign. 
 
 But since Sunday, Paterson has been a case study in just how hard it is to take away the chattering class' delicious rumors once they start getting passed around like a lukewarm shrimp cocktail. He's issued a number of denials, but each one seems to glance off the rumor mill and fly crazily back in his face: Fighting back against the Post's claims of extra-marital humping prompted some more unsubstantiated rumors; Chris Smith wrote for Daily Intel that Paterson's appearance on "Imus" only aided in "keeping the larger nuttiness alive by claiming the Times's phantom story had "hypersexualized" him." And still, the question hangs over everything: What the hell is in that article? 
 
 Thus Paterson ended up on Larry King tonight, hoping that saying the same things he'd been saying all week to more people would fix things. And once there, Larry King asked him if he had trouble reading the real headlines about this supposedly non-existent story. It's enough to make a guy want to call a situation "Kafkaesque!" Which he did: 
 
 Someone did the reading in English class! It's an appropriate allusion though, since Paterson is approaching this thing with as much direction as Josef K trying to grasp the charges against him. On Larry King, he claimed that addressing the rumors would only strengthen them, when he has been vehemently denying them all week. Then he went on to deny, in great detail, the Post's best rumor: That a state trooper discovered him and a mystery woman smooching in a utility closet in the governor's mansion: 
 
 And when King asked Paterson "Who's after you?" Paterson's anti-speculation stance got a little muddled with his own *hint* *hint* *nudge* nudge*: 
 
 For me to speculate about it would be as wrong as the speculations made about me. I can't prove it, I don't know who it is. Maybe those in the media could check their sources more. Maybe those in the media might investiagte why their sources are saying what they're saying. 
 
 (Cue twilight zone music!) 
 
 Paterson's flailing is a tacit admission that there really is no way to stop a tabloid machine that revved up to peak RPMs—at least not until the Times finally publishes their big expose and we can all see for ourselves if it is or is not a 3,000 word narrative of his night with two state assemblywomen in the garden shed or whatever. And Paterson once again urged the Times to come out with it, or at least "clear the air". 
 
 Also, he blamed Eliot Spitzer for making the Governor's office so sex-rumorific: 
 
 Probably the most Kafkaesque part about this whole thing is: WHERE THE SHIT IS THAT NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE!? ||||| New York (CNN) -- Those lurid rumors flying around about New York Gov. David Paterson? "None of this is true. It's a flat-out lie," he said in a wide-ranging interview with CNN's Larry King on Thursday night. 
 
 Since word of an imminent New York Times story electrified New York political and media circles last week, Paterson has been on the defensive. But day after day, the putative piece has failed to appear -- allowing gossip and conjecture to flourish. 
 
 Sex? Drugs? Graft? Theories about the article's focus have taken on lives of their own. 
 
 Asked whether the onslaught of rumors means "somebody (is) after you," Paterson was blunt. "Clearly somebody is. ... I won't kid you. I think I have thought about who might be after me." 
 
 He declined to name the suspects, but he encouraged the media to turn its focus from the whispers to the whisperers. 
 
 "Maybe those in the media might investigate why the sources are saying what they're saying." 
 
 During the sit-down, Paterson also knocked the Times for its handling of the frenzy. 
 
 "The human decency, if not journalists' ethics, I think would compel an organization when they see a person being slandered for over two weeks now ... to clear the air and at least say that the charges that are being made are not in the perimeters of our investigation." 
 
 Absent a public clarification, the governor pleaded for the Times to publish its piece at once, "so I could be out of my misery." 
 
 It's not clear whether the governor will get his wish. He said that New York Times Albany Bureau Chief Danny Hakim, whom he identified as the writer of the article, told him he was not sure when it would run. 
 
 Paterson also blamed some of his plight on the fresh memory of former Gov. Eliot Spitzer's prostitution scandal, saying that his predecessor's dalliances conditioned the public to assume sexual misbehavior in the governor's office: "I think people have still a sort of sensitivity to that, to the point that people would tend to believe anything they hear these days." He added, "I think that's victimized me." 
 
 At one point, King teed up an opportunity for Paterson to say that the Times article will vindicate him, but the governor didn't swing. 
 
 King said: "And you're positive that nothing of this is ever going to come forward and prove true?" Paterson replied: "Asked and answered." 
 
 On the question of drug use, Paterson opted not to issue a new denial, telling King he had "denied that just the other day." Similarly, he turned down the host's offer to rebut the charges against him "one by one," saying, "I've already denied these charges in several media outlets." 
 
 He cited the need to deprive the rumors of momentum for his reluctance to engage in specific denials. 
 
 Between the accusations and deflections, the governor squeezed in a few jokes. Echoing a quip he made earlier in the week that "the only way I will be leaving office before (my term ends) is in a box," Paterson told King, if "you hear I've resigned, it means you're invited to my funeral." 
 
 The gallows humor continued later with a timely reference to former President Bill Clinton's heart episode. "I hope he comes on your show tomorrow to dispel the latest rumor, denying that I had anything to do with his heart condition," he told King. ||||| New York Gov. David Paterson on Monday lashed back at what he called a "callous and sleazy" assault on his character in statehouse rumors and media reports that include accusations about womanizing and drug use, allegations he flatly denied. 
 
 FILE - In this Jan. 12, 2010 file photo, Gov. David A. Paterson delivers his State of the State speech in Buffalo, N.Y. Paterson has met privately with key Democratic leaders about his re-election plans... (Associated Press) 
 
 The Democratic governor told The Associated Press that the media and New York politics have hit new lows, but that the situation won't stop him from serving in office or seeking election to a full term in the fall. 
 
 He cited as fabricated a Jan. 30 New York Post report that he was caught by state police in the mansion with a woman other than his wife. He said the room in which he was reportedly caught doesn't even exist. 
 
 "We stand by our reporting," Post spokeswoman Suzi Halpin said. 
 
 The rumors about Paterson's personal conduct have been circulating in Albany _ and sometimes appearing online and in newspaper reports _ at a crucial moment in the governor's career. His popularity has fallen precipitously, but he has vowed to run for re-election, even though many Democrats would prefer the state attorney general, Andrew Cuomo, to run in his place. 
 
 Washington Democrats have sent a clear message that Paterson should step aside for Cuomo. They are concerned that a weak top of the ticket could hurt other Democrats, including Kirsten Gillibrand, whom Paterson appointed to fill the seat vacated when Hillary Rodham Clinton became secretary of state. 
 
 In his interview with the AP, Paterson would address most allegations only broadly but denied all sexual relationships and drug use that are among the accusations. 
 
 He said he hasn't been involved sexually with another woman since he and his wife separated more than a decade ago, an admission he made upon taking office 23 months ago. He also said he hasn't used drugs since his early 20s. 
 
 Paterson said the rumors have portrayed him as a fan of frequent partying, but he said that aside from fundraisers and official functions, he doesn't go out much _ and noted that he has eaten away from home or outside the executive mansion in Albany only five times in his tenure. 
 
 "For the last couple of weeks I have been the subject of what, even by Albany standards, has been a spate of outrageous rumors about me," Paterson told the AP. 
 
 He said the rumors had been stirred up by an as-yet unpublished New York Times investigation "that spawned a bunch of speculations that are so way out that it's shocking," he said. He said he now fears that all reporters are "stretching the bounds of journalism" in a race to get anyone to confirm a vicious rumor about him. 
 
 New York Times spokeswoman Diane McNulty declined to comment on the governor's remarks. 
 
 "There is an accountability that should exist in the media," Paterson said. "How do I get my reputation back? Because I don't believe I have done anything to deserve this kind of bashing." 
 
 He said it has distracted him from the state's fiscal crisis and tense budget negotiations with legislators, and from defending his veto of what he considers the Legislature's weak ethics reforms. 
 
 He said he is unsure who pushed the rumors and wouldn't speculate, saying "that would be just as unfair ... but it is certainly serving others' interest and not mine, and I think it's a callous and sleazy way to treat a governor who is just trying to do his job and, in a democracy, is trying to keep his job." 
 
 Paterson ascended to the job in 2008 when Eliot Spitzer resigned amid a prostitution scandal. When he became governor, Paterson admitted he had been unfaithful to his wife in an attempt to head off questions about his personal life. 
 
 He said he doesn't think he was targeted because he is New York's first black governor, but acknowledged that the allegations played to stereotypes about black men. 
 
 State Police Superintendent Harry Corbitt said Monday that he's unaware of any troopers, including Paterson's security detail, who have seen the governor do anything illegal. 
 
 After testifying before lawmakers Monday, Corbett described rumors of a looming scandal as "a move afoot" to pressure the Democrat into not running for election this fall. 
 
 Corbitt, who was nominated for his post by Paterson in 2008, says the transfers last week of about 10 troopers from the executive services detail, which protects the governor and guards the executive mansion and some state offices has nothing to do with press reports suggesting women and drug use at the mansion. 
 
 ___ 
 
 Associated Press writers Michael Virtanen and Valerie Bauman contributed to this report.
– Even as he continued to insist that addressing the rumors surrounding him only strengthens them, New York Gov. David Paterson continued to address those rumors last night on Larry King Live. He told King “clearly, somebody is” after him, though he wouldn’t speculate who is behind the gossip; he then blamed this “Kafkaesque scenario” on Eliot Spitzer’s sex scandal. As he has done all week, he also vowed not to resign and called on the Times to set the record straight. Unfortunately, the two segments released on CNN’s website (watch both in the gallery) don’t include the arguably most awkward portion of the interview. “Do you think your eyesight has an effect on the way you can challenge some of this? The fact that you can be, not a pun intended, blind to this? People have to read these headlines to you, right?” King asked. Watch that question, and Paterson’s deflection, on Gawker.