rambling guessive debating think reasons to try convince theres solutions go circles hours end result always same heavy feeling isolation realization worthless always wins out think people ill leave behind ill devastate family every day feels wrong like dead long ago wasting space tried calling hotline once talk listen all said want talk redflag reassured waste time tying phone lines people truly need needed get phone hung burned myself exactly deserve im sick cleaning mess wiping blood cleaning wounds cleaning wounds cleaning fucking wounds scars form disfigure arms even already were times truly forget im stoned ass get drunk go parties live high laugh night next morning leave im alone again im nobody im nothing know kills silence live in stuck head cutting nights not pretend okay make deans list future im going find career make life myself scars hundreds scars go class lie teeth jobs ive applied to reality applied anywhere all everything coming close nowhere move to classes falling apart done final projects im supposed graduate fucking know happens next even bothered getting cap gown parents reminded months ago feel bad relatives coming state watch graduate think might coming funeral instead