mothers faulti hear crying screaming dad make stop stop what fuck do asked stay  party promised drink drive drugs safe yet racist confrontation dealt yesterday feels like need shoved cage never let again wonders keep many things secret her every time ever since  treated like doll good moment something line shouting me saying born ever adopted troublesome child remember ever saying words course would she perfect mother according friends according herself know constant verbal abuse constant put downs you worth anything messages sends way much drink gets angry everyone says fault says make angry better child get mad say cant take anything says heart emotions like anger strong forgive people get mad i fucking forgive mother telling  year old daughter it wouldve better biological mom aborted you say said anger matter course not ive gone therapy  years almost still thinks anxiety depression developed high school due difficult brother seen several years idea times ive cried front therapist memories mother throwing cups dishes dad screaming us leaving returning days later know talk fear anxiety waking up knowing good mood not know abandonment issues would leave often little lock hotel dad go find know first go method would use take life one introduced to locked bathroom  year old daughter desperately banged door begged kill herself know cry every time remember th birthday woke house empty brother run away due fight broken dad ended hotel next morning screaming other returned night back cop car called take away due racket know two times tried take life wanted escape damn oppression show control her tell need move out itd best us threatens keep even hurt dog threatens cut family never let talk dad again want move apartments  minutes house dad looks tired trying keep anger hitting full on even lets marriage fail order shield want that want feel like needs protect one person world attacking me fucking clue scared her angry her given life feel her want die want kill myself ever do want someone one person know mothers fault