feeling like fraudim mental health nurse job basically stop people want kill selves make sure get right support ive  previous episodes depression required medication recent years ive always able deal dips mood got bad ive downward spiral  months nothing working feel numb nothing outside work barely take care myself im sleeping lie awake end thinkingfantasising killing how im stage think would feel like inevitably end there try get help honest feel probably get referred team job positive would rather die lose professional reputation want help everyone else know answers feel trapped isnt way get help without making everything worse