system
A chat on 4chan
human
Having a spiritual/metaphysical crisis right now and I guess I just wanted to ask /x/ about it. Minor blogpost, but you need context of why I am feeling this way. 
So I just got back from a convention, had the literal time of my life, a board meetup happened too, it was great. Genuinely felt hopeful. Then I get home and find out my father has relapsed again and is drinking. This is quite a common reccurance for me to have elation and joy immediately followed by sorrow, trauma, and hopelessness. For a variety of reasons, his alcoholism makes my life a living Hell. That's when reoccurring thoughts came back to me, that what if this really is Hell? Not endless agonizing torment, but an endless cycle of pleasure and pain that only gets worse as it goes on. After all, what purpose is pain if you never experienced pleasure for it to be sadisticly ripped away by the forces at play in this reality. I have various responsibilities so I am unable to commit suicide (no escape) and I just can't get rid of this idea, that you couldn't tell the difference between living in a world where a benevolent God occasionally tests you with pain, or a malicious God tortures you with occasional pleasure. It's like a malignant idea that I can't shake, and It's robbing life of any purpose or reason to try and improve my situation. I'm just filled with utter hopelessness, and a desire for annihilation, to end the cycles. The only thing that has kept me sane is chemical intervention in my brain through drugs/food. On a philosophical level, I just have lost any will to continue. 
Does anyone else feel these feels?
gpt
I've been quitting cigarettes for two years now. At one point the cravings were completely gone, they didn't taste good, but I had no other way to manage stress, so I relapsed.

He's got to ask himself why he drinks. Out of boredom? A treat? I saw cigarettes as a treat, a legitimate break. So I've been finding other ways to treat myself. As for stress, I try to find paths to walk or do stretches, push ups. Also getting out of horrible jobs helps a lot. It doesn't sound like it can possibly offer what nicotine/booze offers, but stick with it for a week or so and you feel the changes little by little. 

You gotta have a plan, know why you're doing what you're doing, and have positive habits to replace the bad ones. Something positive you can train yourself to look forward to.