Thursday, February 21, 2008

Marking Time

Hah! The title is ironic for so many different reasons. I want to, I want to, I want to, I don't know what I want to do.

So I go through this "negativity clearing" in the mornings. There seems to be less to look forward to because I can't eat sweets or drink sweeters or even chew steaks. Nothing as satisfying as medicating with sugar and booze and dead animals.

I've had a lot of time alone lately to try and figure things out. Normally I avoid thinking. I even avoid any sort of free write now because I don't know what junk will come up.

Instead I live from event to event, from incident to incident, not connecting the dots, not making sense, not gaining perspective, not nothing. Just be all tao and detached about it. Nothing means anything. Nothing has to mean anything. There is no coherent narrative. Just a bunch of discrete events or incidents or happenings that is connected by nothing.

My third person omniscient narrator has withdrawn or taken a break or something...and now my narrative is sketchy, streams-of-consciousness, a jumble of nonsense or Nonsense (whichever you prefer).

Nothing makes sense. It does not have to make sense.

I wish....never mind.

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