Tuesday, March 18, 2003

HSPs and trouble with Bullies

I often look for the "common threads" that arise, when I read the 1000's of notes and message board posts from HSPs over the past five years or so. It seems to be a sad truth that HSPs have more problems with bullies and abusers, than the world at large. Whereas the natural inclination (at least to someone who's not an HSP) might be to say "That's because you're not assertive," it seems to more often hold true that HSPs simply have a more "trusting" nature than most.

It has taken me a great many years, and a lot of personal exploration to finally understand-- and reasonably deal with-- the bullies, manipulators and otherwise toxic people who cross my path. "Toxic" might seem like a strong word to some/many, but honestly-- if these are people who have the ability to make another person feel bad about themselves, what are they, if not toxic?

Ultimately, it is not anyone's "job" or "duty" to be what someone else thinks they should be. If someone doesn't like me "as is," then it's not anybody's fault, but merely a reflection of the fact that we are not compatible as friends, cohorts, partners, lovers, spouses, or whatever. I am reminded of a quote by Thomas Merton:


I think the same can be said of pretty much any relationship-- and often what needs examining is not the people, but the dynamic involved in the relationship. Not, of course, that we always have a choice in who we are spending time with-- as in co-workers. But we do have a choice of what we do with our own time. Alas, sometimes it can take a very long time before you figure out that the person you are married to/living with has a toxic personality. On top of which, what feels "toxic" to you, might not feel toxic to someone else. But we do have a right to choose.

Monday, March 10, 2003














Next step....


How so?









Sunday, March 09, 2003

HSPs and the ADD/ADHD "Diagnosis"

From a purely psychological perspective it strikes me that most intelligent, intuitive, bright, creative, interesting people could be seen as having a form of ADD that is not particularly diagnosable. The question is, do we really need a "diagnosis?" Is anything really "wrong," here?

The HSP trait aside.... In studying intelligence, personality types, Indigos and assorted psychology (not as a profession, mind you), for a long time.... much of my time has been spent on trying to understand the "gifted" mind.

I certainly won't deny that "ADD" is a valid concept, but I have a great deal of trouble with the general tendency of the Psychology field to automatically classify a brain the doesn't work like "Joe Sixpack's" (i.e. "average") as having a "disorder." One of the great "issues" in the Gifted and Indigo communities is "misdiagnosis"-- people with brains that seem to flit around and track 1000 tasks simultaneously and arrive at intuitive alternate solutions with no evidence of a "process" in between.... are "medicated to sleep" simply because they have difficulty "tracking" conventional thought processes (most gifted people will tell you that they "zone out" because they are already 20 steps ahead of "where we are"). Is that fair? Or reasonable?

Every time I read the words "intelligent, intuitive, bright, creative, interesting people" in the same sentence as "ADD" I tend to jump out of my chair. Maybe it's a bit of a "soapbox issue" for me (and I apologize if I come across too forcefully)-- but I always recommend (especially to parents who have kids who "seem really bright," as well as to adults) to people who have a notion that ADD might be the problem, to test for giftedness before testing for ADD.... just so you have a "context" for a possible ADD diagnosis.

A while back, I wrote about this in greater detail, at a different venue. I think I'll try to dig up that article, and post it here.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

2003 California HSP Gathering

Once again, it appears that I proven myself unable to stick with keeping the flow of new posts going. Something tells me that I should perhaps not make myself feel so "obligated" to keep coming up with interesting stuff to post here. I "blame" it on the HSP tendency to be overly conscientious.

I have decided that I am going to go to the HSP Gathering at Walker Creek Ranch in California, in June. Originally, I wasn't going to be able to go, because the dates overlapped with a previously planned trip to Denmark to visit family. However, Jacquelyn hadn't yet cast the dates in stone, and I "whined," which (at least partially) caused the dates to be moved from late May to June 12-15.

This means I will be coming back from Denmark on June 8th (complete with jet-lag from a 23 hour journey), and then will turn around and fly to San Francisco at the crack of dawn on June 12th.

There is something mildly unnerving about making this decision-- after all, I am choosing to go spend time with a voluntarilygroup of strangers.
