NFL Bust a Nut

The NFL Football Draft is almost upon us and the prospective picks are definitely the “buzz.”  But can we really take these meat heads seriously?


In fact, can we take any professional football analyst, NFL scouts or coaches seriously?  Can we trust their judgement when it comes to selecting players who they deem worthy enough to take them to the Super Bowl promise land? It’s important to remember that more than half of these analysts, scouts and coaches were former football meat heads themselves.


I love College Football, but honestly come NFL Draft season, I can’t help but get a little discouraged. Not only do you feel for these players whose futures lie in the decrepit hands of 60-something men who are either geniuses or don’t know what the hell they are doing, but you also can’t help but get your hopes up.  “Future of the Franchise” they will say!


If you are a football fan, you can easily count the number of NFL busts. Although the list may be plentiful, it is still soul crushing to recall the fact that these once great athletes are now either in jail, on weight watchers, making PURPLE DRANK, addicted to drugs, etc.  It is the type of sad feeling that makes you evaluate and reflect on your own life and the choices you make along the way.


Hello, have you seen Moneyball…?!

What isn’t sad is predicting the next upcoming NFL busts.  Maybe because it has yet to happen or makes you feel like a Jedi Knight predicting the future, but the point is that these players’ reality has yet to set in and the potential for them to “bust” is up in the air.  Feelings of grief and sorrow may or may not occur.  So hey, don’t feel bad!


So here are my top 5 predictions for this year’s potential NFL busts.  The players on this list aren’t necessarily newbies or rookies.  Some are players who have played professionally for a few years and are on the verge of “busting.” SO let the judging begin.


1. Jameis Winston


Jameis Winston seems like an obvious choice for the top pick in the 2015 draft. He not only led Florida State to an undefeated season and a national championship, but he won the Heisman Trophy behind some incredibly efficient numbers.

However, this past 2014 season?  Not so much. With 21 touch downs and 17 interceptions this year despite an offense with a massive talent advantage, I highly doubt that he has the budding future of a franchise QB.


His long list of off-field antics is just embarrassing.  His shameful behavior has caused many to doubt whether he is too much of a risk to consider a franchise quarterback.  You have to admit, any 20-year who has the college football world at his feet is going to have some indiscretions under his belt.  But steering clear of the “no duh” obvious, a professional man would exercise some civility.  Yea, good luck with that Crab Boy.



2. Johnny Manziel

Oh Johnny.  Where to begin….?


Short, Frail, Incompetent, Party Boy, Immature, Out of the Pocket Scrambler, Fugly…..these are just some of the words that accurately describe Johnny Football.  Although he was an exciting player to watch at Texas A&M, he has barely seen any noteworthy action in the Pros.

For starters, he didn’t make his first start until the season was all but lost.  When he did start, let’s just say that it didn’t go so well. In total he has only thrown 175 yards with ZERO touchdowns. Go Team Hoyer.


All he has been actively demonstrating is his lack of respect.  Although he may not look the part, he is definitely a Gronkowski “Meat Head” wannabe, partying it up every chance he gets (My apologies for sullying the name of “Gronk,” the meat head actually has a Super Bowl Ring).  Manziel’s partying ways took him all the way to rehab prior to his upcoming 2nd NFL season, which could more or less be the stark realization that he may not be cut out for the NFL limelight.

Not exactly sure if one can surmise that he is not talented or dedicated enough for the game, but one thing is for certain, he is well on his way to becoming a bust.



3. Mark Sanchez

OMG, does this guy suck.  I have to admit, I DO love saying that 🙂


Although he has played a number of years in the NFL, Sanchez has yet to experience any well-deserved credit for his less than stellar athletic ability.  And who the hell would give it to him anyway?

In his four years as a starter for the Jets, he was historically bad at playing quarterback, a fact that didn’t stop the Jets from signing him to a multi-million-dollar extension. Also, lest we never forget: the butt fumble.  One of the most glorious moments in NFL history… well not if you are a Mark Sanchez fan.


The “Sanchise” quarterback is now the backup in Philadelphia, Nick Foles #2, another Pac-12 quarterback who didn’t nearly experience similar success at Arizona University.  My the tables have turned for Dirty Sanchez.



4. Colin Kaepernick


This may be a long shot, but Kaepernick’s performance towards the end of the 2014 was anything but stellar. With the sudden departure of his winning head coach Jim Harbaugh, the expected trade of their powerhouse running back Frank Gore and locker room shenanigans erupting, Kaepernick’s fate seems a bit muddled.

Sure he runs like a gazelle and has made a Super Bowl appearance, but without strength in leadership as well as support from his fellow teammates, Kaepernick may surely lose it. He can be just as disposable as his former mentor, Alex Smith.


However, I do have to acknowledge the fact that Kaepernick wasn’t necessarily a top pick coming out of Nevada.  Being drafted in the second round isn’t bad at all.  But when the label “NFL Bust” is flung around the locker room, it is assumed that the player in question was initially expected to perform at a high level before seeing any professional action.  I am not sure if high expectations surrounded Kaepernick during the draft, nevertheless, his performance this last season along with the ambiguous future of the 49ers may mark the beginning of the end.


(Yea, you tell him Sherman)


5. Ray Rice vs. Adrian Peterson


The issue among these two players isn’t based on their athletic ability.  It’s their off-field antics that may haunt them for the rest of their lives, so much so that they may not recover.

Both were caught in the act of beating one of their family members publicly, who were then dually reprimanded by the NFL, forcing them to leave the game in the 2014 season.  Although Rice’s actions erupted a mass attack on the NFL and their domestic abuse policy, Peterson’s “debatable” actions also ignited an open commentary on corporal punishment.  It was so serious that the NFL had to give up a precious Super Bowl commercial slot addressing domestic violence, losing millions and millions of dollars, money which could have been allocated towards something that benefits everyone, like beer.


Public perception has the keen ability (and perhaps burden) to either positively or negatively effect an individuals’ appearance and character.  Despite evidence to the contrary, that perception can be everything, especially in this digital age where information is at everyone’s fingertips in an instant.

This wouldn’t be your feel good come back story of the season folks. Rice and Peterson did some not so nice things and people will not let them easily forget, score a few touchdowns and collect their checks. Public opinion may never let these athletes recover.


Despite the setback, I am certain that both Rice and Peterson will return to the NFL. Whether they return triumphantly is highly questionable.



Kegger at the Heisman House

The party never stops at the Heisman House.


I think Nissan struck gold with this commercial gem.  A bunch of college football player stars all living under one roof.  The real beauty behind these video spots is the communal feel to them.  No matter how old they get, every Heisman trophy winner seems to live in this one house.


So who does what in this Heisman House?  Who cooks the meals, who does the yard work, who throws the parties, who sorts the mail and who the hell does everybody’s laundry??


Let’s think about this logically, how many chores are actually done around the house?  I say there are about 7 different roles every functional house has, 7 different roles that these Heisman Trophy winners would need to take on in order for this Heisman House to be fully functional (and to be fully awesome!).  But who would do what?  And more importantly, who would be the best at it?  Well, today is your lucky day because I am going to attempt to answer that question.  Here we go:



1) The Iron Chef


Who would want to cook for all these football players?  Probably nobody.  Hell, these guys probably inhale food so fast they don’t even taste the flavor.  You saw that cereal commercial?

I’m going to have to go with Jameis Winston.  We already know he has good taste in seafood and doesn’t want to pay for it.  It’s a win-win, eat like kings while saving a few bucks.



2) The Green Thumb

Whoever holds this responsibility needs to be able to hold a shovel and pick axe in one hand. This individual needs to be the Jolly Green Giant. I can’t think of anybody else but Bo Jackson. Baseball Player + Football Player = Gets shit done.


Bo’s size and strength alone can easily rival Hercules juggling cows at the tractor show. Bo probably wouldn’t necessarily enjoy being a gardner but it would come easy to him.  He would finish half an acre of yard work in less than an hour. In 1982, Bo set state school records for indoor high-jump (6’9″) and triple-jump (48’8″).  Hmmmm, ok Jumping Jack Flash.


In his spare time, he makes bows and arrows to go out hunting deer in the woods.  If that doesn’t scream Paul Bunyan, I don’t know what does.


He is one with nature. Best not to disturb the beast at work.


3) The “Dad”

This guy has to radiate responsibility, uphold respect and bestow unyielding guilt to those who deserve it.  Despite his size, this football player is someone the guys would listen to and respect because they probably see a bit of themselves in him (…and probably feel a bit sorry for him because he never really was successful in the NFL…..).

Come on, he has the haircut of a “Dad.”


I can see it now.  Doug Flutie gathering the gang around the fireplace recalling the glory days of his “Flutie Effect.” Encouraging all the fellas to chase their dreams because if they put their mind to it, they too can throw a Hail Mary pass to win the championship game.


Not entirely sure about being the “stern father figure,” but these are all grown men who more or less don’t need to be punished, but rather need to be encouraged to do the right thing and do the dishes.



4) The Interior Decorator

This player doesn’t necessarily have to know plaid from argyle player but have a good enough sense of style that wouldn’t offend any of the other football players.  If I had to recall every Heisman Trophy ceremony I watched while simultaneously remembering every suit and tie every winner wore, I would probably never finish this post.  But the one fashion forward player I DO remember is Robert Griffin III.


Those Superman socks, hello?!  Those were damn cool.  A sense of style I think everybody in the house can appreciate (and tolerate).  If RGIII decorated the entire house in comic book hero paraphernalia, I think that would not only bring all the players a fictitious sense of unlimited power but also a sense of comfort and childlike wonder, feelings they haven’t felt since pee-wee football boyhood.


Ahhh the good ol’ days.


5) The Maid

This is when you wish the Beauty and the Beast appliances would come to life and clean themselves.


Tim Tebow seems like he would unbelievably thrilled to clean the house, leaving breath mints on every pillow.  Homeboy isn’t exactly a tool but I think he would be up for anything that positively contributes to the House.  Even though he isn’t playing football, he would love to pall around all the guys who actually had an NFL career longer than the lifespan of a butterfly.


Can’t you just imagine him in an apron and duster breezing through the House leaving only the fresh scent of Florida oranges.


6) The Rebel

OJ. Duh.


7) Party Boy

When it’s time to party, we will party hard.


It is without question that all of the Heisman Trophy winners know how to party.  But I’m going to have to go with the most recent and most publicized party animal the House has ever seen: Johnny Football.


Thanks to his avid social media use, Johnny has infamously gained the reputation of ‘Party Animal.”  Aside from his poor composure, the man doesn’t let his party animal ways negatively affect his work.  And his partying ways would be put to good use at the Heisman House no?


8) The Casanova

It’s hard to just pick one, I mean all the players have some sense of dashing athleticism and sport some dapper looks. But the one who notoriously banged his way through college is Matt Leinart.  Although we can’t exactly blame his womanizing for his disastrous NFL career, we can blame his less than shy appendage for his illegitimate child who is half brothers with Blake Griffin’s kid.  Blood brothers for life.


Leinart is also known to have dated MTV reality stars and Paris Hilton.  Yes, Paris Hilton, aspiring DJ.


Well at least everyone in the Heisman House can count on Matty Leinart for some of that needed protection….oh wait.


Oh the Hesiman House. Seems like such a magical place where dreams come true.




Nobody can be a Redskin
















Does that mean Jerry Jones to the rescue?


Almost Famous

College Football.  The place where you go to kill your athletic popularity…….apparently.


With all the shenanigans Johnny Manziel has been putting the NCAA through, we can never ask for our favorite College Football players’s autographs ever again.

In light of the NCAA investigation of whether Texas A&M’s star Heisman trophy winner Quarterback was paid to sign a butt load of memorabilia, the University has introduced a new policy for their college football program.


The Aggies announced that players and coaches will not sign any memorabilia for fans attending the “Meet the Aggies” event Aug. 24. Basically a meet and greet with fans and college football admirers alike.


Instead, the only autographs allowed will be on specially provided autograph cards, “in order to accommodate as many fans as possible.” All other items must be left at the door.

No other fun items such as jerseys, helmets, footballs or even photos can be signed.  That just leaves me all warm and fuzzy inside.  Thank you for keeping some money in my pockets, but seriously, what the hell is the point of getting an autograph on a card, a card I have to therefore frame and pay for to look nice in my manly library/lounge/man cave?  Thanks NCAA.  Nothing looks cooler than a signed football helmet.  Too legit to quit fasho.


Texas A&M also said players and coaches would remain seated at the event and would not pose for photos.  DUDE…!!!! Might as well poke my eyes out before the season even starts.

Louisville took it to even more drastic measures…..

NCAA Football: Louisville at Syracuse

They canceled their fan signing event all together in response to their head coach’s comments, calling the Manzeil situation a “national problem.”

Theses moves are being made because of ongoing concerns about college athletes and autograph sales, and neither mentioned Manziel by name.  Wait….what?! Why?!


Johnny Manziel is THE problem.  This isn’t a concern involving the collective, it really is punishing everybody else for an individual’s actions.  Such BULLSH*T NCAA. You have been pulling this unethical crap for far too long.

Why punish the entire team, the coaches, the fans, the college and the sport for one, count it ONE, player’s mistake.  GOD help me if the NCAA does find Manziel guilty of taking the money and pin the blame on ‘lack of institutional control.’  Welcome to the Trojan club Aggies.  I warn you, it’s a depressing one.


The ones who are truly suffering for all this are the fans.  The players will get over it, they will move on to the NFL making millions and appear in Madden 2015. The colleges will get over it because they will still make millions of dollars off their athletic programs.

Why should the fans be punished for this ‘lack of institutional control’? Why should the people who breathe the very life into college football not be able to celebrate their players by personally expressing their adoration for them?


It all comes down to the Benjamins (of course).  If people didn’t come out of the wood work claiming to have profited from a collegiate sport in an ‘illegal’ fashion, then would we be in this situation?  The NCAA is already in hot water, immediately ending their ties with EA Sports because they themselves have been profiting from the football players without the players’ knowledge.  HMMMmmmMMMMmmm….monkey see monkey do…..?


Just blows the mind to think that the NCAA is committing the same violation as these autograph shysters: Profiteering. We can’t escape the inevitable….but dammit, why do this before the season even starts?!


Really sucks to be a college football fan now doesn’t it?

Johnny Whoops

Whoops he DID it again.

Johnny Manziel just can’t seem to keep his hands off his social media….or beer.


Having virtual access to the I WANT IT NOW social media by owning any of the technological devices smarter than us (smartphones, tablets and laptops ), it isn’t hard to believe that anyone can make a mistake while tweeting, facebooking, instagramming, youtubing, tumblering, wordpressing….. anymore -ings?


It’s true, nobody can escape the eyes and ears of social media.  It’s EVERYWHERE.

But Johnny Manziel isn’t anyone.

Johnny got caught red-handed tweeting:


Screen Shot 2013-07-31 at 6.35.10 PM

You just can’t seem to keep your mouth shut can you Football boy?

Now here is a thought: Wouldn’t you think a young guy who has been around social media his WHOLE life, a guy who is far more knowledgable than your typical older athlete about all the fun digital toys, interactive channels and open digital communication would know better than to stream his unfiltered opinions on a public platform that million and MILLIONS of people have access to?  Yes, you WOULD think that.

ANOTHER thought: Being the only College Freshman football player to ever win the Heisman Trophy, wouldn’t he be surrounded by coaches, publicists, higher collegiate authorities and SEC conference officials to advise him to be more cautious and perhaps mute when expressing his honest opinion about issues that pertain to his athletic ability, academic standing and recreational activities in public?


Yes Johnny, social media is public.

You have thousands and thousands of followers, I don’t think your tweets will go unnoticed unless you start tweeting solely in emoticons.  Hmmm…I may be on to something….

Then there is the loop-hole: He is twenty years old.  What were you doing at twenty?  Exactly…..nothing you would want to broadcast to the entire Twitter sphere.


He is one of the most popular youngsters in America because he has accomplished something no one has ever done before. Of course he deserves a little celebration, a kick back, a keg stand…what ever he chooses.  He just needs to know the consequences of his actions, because his actions are being watched by the ENTIRE country. (Come on, what else do we gotta do?)


(I mean, come on, the kid is straight up goofy looking.  Do you think he would be getting all this attention solely for his good looks…..?)

Johnny Manziel

So dude, Mr. Football, just don’t air your frustrations in the Twitter world when you have over 400,000 followers, you AREN’T going to go unnoticed.  But I bet you already knew that didn’t you…..

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Sigh… today 😛