What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

Artificial Swedener.

What's the best part about living in Sweden?

I don't live there but my friend told me that the flag is a big plus.

My friend refuses to leave Sweden. She said Sweden is actually nice and deserves sympathy.

I think she's developed Stockholm Syndrome

Why did Sweden start putting barcodes on their newest fleet of battleships?

So they could Scandinavian

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

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Have you heard about this new study?



By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I supposed to know if its raining in Sweden?

What happens when a swede born in Norway moves to sweden?

The avrage IQ of both countries go up.

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden



I’d like to go to Sweden

But I can’t a-fjord it.

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A professor told dirty jokes in class

the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Swede...

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I invited my two friends over for a party as I was trying to Sweden my sex life, but my wife said "Norway!"

So Dan, Mark and I had our 3-way as usual.

Did you hear about the time Snoop Dogg moved to Sweden and learned the local language?

He spoke swede every day.

When does a race through Norway and Sweden end?

When you cross the Finnish line.

Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?

It ends at the Finnish line.

Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

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At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America we call this a hug.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, “In America we call this a kiss.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sweden we call...

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Just watching the Germany Sweden game and there’s a Swedish player called lustig

that’s funny.

TIL that Swedish Fish are actually shaped like Sweden, not fish.

Yeah, it turns out the fish part is a red herring.

I've been living in Sweden for a long time and it's been quite comfortable…

…but then it might just be Stockholm syndrome.



I went to Sweden to look for some Oxo Cubes.

I hear they have a really good shop there called "Stockhome".

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

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Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

People in Sweden keep telling me how great it is living there...

But I think it's just Stockholm Syndrome.

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks.

They have no idea where the baby is.

Swedish superstition

Then one night she's not quite asleep ye...

Reintroducing "All the children" jokes



Only Scandinavian Joke they will laugh at

What’s the difference between Norway and Sweden?

Sweden has a nice neighbor.

If you can't become a citizen of Scandinavia through the naturalization process, what could you do?

You use artificial Sweden-er!

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

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Football Fever

My mate has two tickets for the England vs Sweden game on Saturday. He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah

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A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother


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Can you help out my friend?

A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.

Would anyone be in...




Next, the Swedish man screams a...

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I managed to tell this joke to my gf during sex



me: Wanna hear a joke?
gf: Wtf, now? sure...
me: What does the Norwegian man do before he comes?
gf: No idea..
me: He knocks on the door
gf: *giggles while facepalming*


The hare and the tortoise


The hare figured that his fur wo...

The ice fishing contest



Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?


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Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world.

Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch.


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You have two cows..



Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world.

The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean.

The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly...

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Ceasefire broken!



One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hic...

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A man gets into a fight with his wife. (Put together terribly)

They live right on the coast of California, the man gets kicked out of his house by his wife so he goes for a walk along the beach. The man suddenly stops when he hears this loud booming voice.

Terry(Thats his name from now on) I see you have gotten into quite the fight with your wife, its tr...

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Food and Country

I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...


