Modern Hero of the Week: Stalker’s Delight

Every week we here at Modern Hero News Network like to honor just that certain special kind of asshole with a certain special kind of asshole award. This week’s unfortunate contribution to the gene pool is:

Modern Hero of the Week: Stalker’s Delight

Wonderful news for all of us this week! Those of us with relations of the special sort just got a whole lot more peace of mind.

That’s right folks, I’m talking about the new out of Apple about their iPhone’s and iPad’s and they’re totally stalkerish location tracking and storage business. I mean honestly, what could be better for the man who needs to know every single detail about where his significant other just went?

At this point she pretty much keeps her blinds closed, and it’s honestly been hard to get a good look at her through the bushes anyway, so what seems to be working out now is stealing the tracking information and then just figuring out her patterns.

People are so predictable.

Speaking of, there’s a coffee shop I need to take a magazine cut-out message and a box of candies to. Thank you Apple.

Why is Asia so seemingly screwed up?

Thank you Stalker’s Delight.


I Want

All that ails the art world. In action figure form.

I want.

To blow this up.

With firecrackers.

Anyone else down? I’ll videotape the whole thing to, “Priceless Interpretation Of Jeff Koons Exploded.”

Sounds like a huge seller to me.


Famed Street Artist “Space Invader” Arrested

They're here, they're here, oh god they're here!

What happens to the city of Los Angeles  when MOCA invites street artists from across the world to participate in what is being billed as the first major U.S.  exhibition on graffiti and street art?

The whole city gets tagged to shit of course.

So can we expect the police to act rationally and accept the fact that some of the most influential artists alive have gathered together in on small place in their humble city to exhibit their work, if only for a short time?

Fuck no, this is L.A. we can expect a harsh overreaction and multiple arrests.

And if we’re lucky, a beating or two.



Sounds like a great way to treat influential artists to me, as crime suspects. This has extended to one such quite well known name in the street art world, a Frenchman who goes by the moniker Space Invader.

The Los Angeles Police Department believes one of two French nationals detained on suspicion of vandalism near MOCA’s Little Tokyo gallery was the famed street artist known as “Space Invader.”


Horrific thought indeed, they could’ve potentially glued tiles over things! The abomination!


Clearly such scare tactics have a tremendous effect upon the human psyche.


Justice Really IS What A Judge Had For Breakfast

Nothing to see here folks.

And my judge must have had a steaming pile of crap for breakfast.

But I digress, recent studies have delved into the idea of whether a judge’s decision really is determined more by what he at last, or more accurately when he ate last.

Surprise, surprise, it is.

The entire founding notion of the legal realism movement is entirely correct.

Suck it current standing notions of law as God above all!


Good thing I’m not a criminal. Yet.

Surely there must be some other factor that contributes to this rather than just when they ate, maybe the age or gender, or maybe the severity of the crime?


Danziger considered that the judges might have an unconscious “quota” of favourable decisions. After they’ve doled out some positive verdicts, they are compelled to dish out some negative ones for balance. But that wasn’t the case – the likelihood that the judges would grant parole didn’t depend on the proportion of favourable rulings beforehand.

It’s not possible that someone ordered the cases in a special way. The judges know nothing about upcoming cases ahead of time, so they can’t decide to take a break in the knowledge that an easy positive case is coming up. They also have control over when they set their breaks, so prison staff cannot predictably schedule the hearings in order of ease. And Danziger showed that the judges weren’t any more likely to take a break after particularly difficult cases or severe crimes.

The only remaining explanation is one that legal realists have been pushing for years – that judges, even experienced ones, are vulnerable to the same psychological biases as everyone else. They can deliver different rulings in similar cases, under the influence of something as trivial as a food break. Their training, their experience, and the weighty nature of their decisions do not insulate them from the sort of problems that plague our everyday mental abilities (and indeed, this isn’t the first study to demonstrate this).

Well fuck.


Viagra Struggles To Keep It Up (Sales that is….)

We may not have cured cancer or AIDS, but at least we have a pill to keep old men hard forever.

With the market for pills solving erectile dysfunction set to pass $5 billion this year, smaller drug companies are set to go generic, with their own versions of some of the more popular name brand drugs like Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis.

What does that leave struggling mom and pop conglomerates like Pfizer to do? Market, market, market.

Each of the big three have taken their own steps to fight against generic brands, namely by introducing their drugs to your bloodstream in different ways and for different reasons.

Our personal favorite:

The third drug for erectile dysfunction to reach the market, Cialis, now eight years old, is racing ahead of the others because of two ideas that have proven extremely popular: an everyday pill and a 36-hour “weekender.”

That “weekender” sounds like a good gimmick.

In another 30 or 40 years should any of us ever need such a thing, I think Cialis just won our not-so hard earned money.

“ ‘Gimmick’ is a strong word, but all of this is designed to create new brand identities,” Dr. Joseph P. Alukal, an assistant professor and director of reproductive health at the New York University School of Medicine, said. “A newer product, less expensive, and a new form of taking it — all that might convince more people to try it.”

Soooo…. a gimmick. Sounds right on this end.

As I’m sure you’re all wondering by now, “who are the guinea pigs?” Well you’ll be happy to know that it was foreigners. Dirty stinking foreigners.

Taking our hard earned guinea pig jobs.

The Mexican experiment with Viagra Jet will show whether the chewable form of the drug has promise in other countries, particularly developing markets, Susan O’Connor, Pfizer’s vice president of global commercial development, said in an interview. Studies showed most Mexican men who used Viagra ground it up to make it easier to swallow or in the belief it would start acting faster.

Damn foreigners and their crafty ideas.


4-20: Pot Party Forgotten Memory Days

I just got an idea for the greatest bong ever.

Woooh happy 4-20! April 20th folks!

Wake and bake! Or whatever.

Potheads are lame. And we don’t condone them unless we know them, and they share. But most of them don’t, so our logic fits.

I could use this space to rant about the unfairness of marijuana laws in comparison to alcohol laws, the amount of deaths caused by each, the science behind the cannabinoid receptors and their health benefits when properly boosted and activated, etc.

But let’s be honest, it doesn’t really matter.

Shit’s going to stay illegal because the only people who care about the issue always seem to have trouble getting their days right.


All Hail The New God: Napster

This doesn't look at all like a church created by a 19 year old....

In the United States if you do something as a part of your religious sacrament, you cannot, by law, be forced to stop doing that, even if that action is illegal. On every level, even the federal level, this is enforced.

This is how certain Native American tribes are allowed to trip peyote consistently.

For “religious ceremonies.” I say they just wan to trip some good peyote myself.

In come 19 year old Isaac Gerson and his new church, the Missionary Kopimistsamfundet – The Missionary Church of Kopimism, they worship in their own unique way as well. One familiar to many teenagers of today (as well as some of the craftier adults), they share and download illegal information. Movies, games, music, books, and anything else they can get their grubby little mits on.

They’re information pirates. And piracy is bad.

But not if you start a religion based on it.






# Reproduction of information is ethically right.
# The flow of information is ethically right.
# Remix Spirit is a sacred kind of copying.





Sound worse than the Christians to me.

I say burn them all at the stake and let the pagans rule the day, but what do I know.

Not a whole lot apparently.
