ECW on Sci-Fi 04/14/2009 #149

We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.

Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.

Johnny ECW On Sci-Fi vs. Evan Bourne

Thankfully we’re not supposed to be cheering for Morrison so it makes sense to have him against one of the few guys on the roster quicker and bouncier than him. Some wonderful grappling and arm-stretches goes under-appreciated by the crowd so JoECWonSciFi easily knocks him down with his big-arse pecs. Bourne sticks to trying to take down his glittery opponent and the crowd enjoys that. They go back-and-forth with quick action with Bourne jumping to the outside but Morrison immediately sweeping his leg afterwards so then OH SHIT.

Morrison stretches Bourne over his head which looks like a warm-up routine for John, but Evan counters into a beautiful headscissors. Bourne tries a dive out the ring but Morrison is too damn quick and manages to run back into the ring to low dropkick Bourne into the advert break.

When we return, Bourne is attempting to go kick-for-kick but Morrison simply ends that with a giant capoeira kick. Morrison rolls Bourne into a Rings Of Saturn but rather than stretch him, he rolls him onto his back in a move so cool I need to know the real name for it. Bourne eventually escapes by running into the turnbuckles and absolutely clobbers Morrison with a lariat.

Running Frankensteiner from Bourne sets up a firey comeback, culminating in landing a jumping Frankensteiner to a top rope Morrison. Pin attempts are traded but eventually Bourne crossbodies Morrison as he bounces off the ropes and both of them splat to the outside like Holmes & Moriarty. Bourne is able to land the Double Knees off the top but it only gets two. Bourne goes up top again however Morrison crotches him and lands a rope-assisted Moonlight Drive with a deep pin (just to make sure) to finally end it.

Winner: John Morrison (If you wondered what Andrew Garfield vs. Tom Holland would look like, here’s your answer. Striker & Matthews say this was a MOTYC and I usually dislike hearing smark talk on TV but it was completely deserved here. They’d had matches before but they were more focused on having Morrison as a baddie with Miz interfering. Here, both men had 17 mins to let their yoga & parkour do the talking and with Matt Hardy gone I don’t think anything’s touching this for star ratings this year.)

Kozlov vs. David Floridia

Kozlov was done on Smackdown and there was no way Raw was taking him in so he showed up outside ECW with all his belongings tied up in a bundle on a string like in old films. But never mind that, check out the state of this jobber.

Kozlov throws strikes and head-butts with all the smoothness of Der Golem before the Iron Curtian finishes it.

Winner: Kozlov (David has no other matches on cagematchdotnet and he wrestled like it was his first match so RIP Dave.)

Kozlov makes like all evil smelly stinky non-yank wrestlers and speaks his own language while the crowd yells WHAT.

Backstage, Natalya and Burchill speak to GM Tiffany about not getting drafted. Tiffany’s still GM? I have to google her name every week and I’ve seen every episode. She promises nothing and tells us we have to check out the Supplemental Draft online with everyone else tomorrow (more on that later). Swagger then shows up and Tiffany compliments him and I’ve got too many brain cells left to appreciate their chemistry.

Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Finlay (Elimination Chase To Backlash)

This is part two of the Chase, with the loser of the pin-fall/submission being removed from next week’s singles match. Oh and for some reason, the finals will be held on Superstars this week. A quick check reveals it was because it had just re-started on WGN America and they were doing the usual D-brand thing of having note-worthy matches to start off before throwing the likes of Hawkins and Kendrick on there until cancellation.

Finlay starts off bossing everyone like someone in a bar’s just yelled “wrestling’s fake.” Lots of exchanging of strikes and moves to begin with no-one getting an advantage until Dreamer clotheslines Finlay and himself out the ring and Big Christ dives off the top onto everybody.

Back from break and Christian gets immediately pushed off the top rope to the outside by Finlay who seizes the advantage by chinlocking Dreamer. Striker messes up and says DQs and count-outs still count in this match before pretending someone passed him a note to correct him. Finlay wears down Dreamer with an Earthquake Stomp and armbars before getting bored and deciding to go outside and dunk on Christian for a bit. Dreamer gives a sick-looking drop toehold to Christian who collide’s head-first onto Finlay. Christian and Finlay do the Arn Anderson “get whipped into the corner then turn around and bang heads” as apparently Finlay has got a magnet in his skull. Christian goes up top once more while Finlay gets stuck in a Tree Of Woe position so Dreamer delivers a Superplex for a two count and not much pop. Dreamer lands the Yell The Name Of The Company You’re Still Homaging Decades Later Tree Of Woe to a still-stuck Finlay to un-stick him while Tommy’s doing the AHHHH I STOLE THIS FROM RAVEN taunt. Finlay gets a Finlay Roll but Christian escapes the ring before a pin attempt can be made, leaving Dreamer open to DDT Finlay…for two. Christian gets caught in the ropes Andre-style so Dreamer snapshots Finlay onto Christian so they collide heads again (OK, someone’s having a laugh here) and Dreamer gets a sure-fire roll-up for two. Finlay gets the Celtic Cross out of nowhere to pin Dreamer while Christian watches.

Winner: Finlay (Did what it was supposed to do and was filled with strikes and head-bounces even if the crowd were looking at their watches because smart phones weren’t a thing yet. I figured they’d save Dreamer losing for the singles match but that’s going to be on Superstars so I guess they wanted people to watch this.)

Supplemental Draft News

Alicia Fox was drafted to Smackdown, ending the DJ Gabriel dancing team as Gabriel was sent back to FCW to get a non-crap gimmick but was released before that could happen. You’d think his body and athleticism would have been enough to keep him around which just goes to show how bad the dancing gimmick was.

Ezekiel Jackson was drafted to ECW from Smackdown and without his Stand around to protect him, The Brian Kendrick would be released in June.

Zack Ryder drafted back onto ECW from Smackdown which is a weird one as he was moved to Smackdown in the previous draft. The Major Brothers wouldn’t team again until 2019 as Hawkins would form The Gatecrashers with Vance Archer.

Ricky Ortiz would get drafted to Smackdown after doing fuck-all for months on ECW. He’d continue this progression by losing a bunch before being released.

Hornswoggle would get separated from his Dad by going to Raw and would rule like Napoleon, successfully ruining Chavo Guerrero’s career and getting blamed for the Anonymous GM storyline.

DH Smith would get drafted to ECW after making no appearances on Smackdown to set up The Hart Foundation.

Natalya was drafted to ECW from Smackdown which is news to me, she’d been appearing on Sci-Fi with Tyson Kidd for weeks.

Hurricane Helms would get drafted from Smackdown to ECW to remind everyone he was employed.

And John Morrison would get drafted to Smackdown for a few years of throwing Capoeira kicks at the glass ceiling.

In 2019 wrestlers are fighting to leave WWE but ten years ago they were dropping newbies like white Mike Tyson opponents. Morrison & Miz were bigger deals than the ECW brand so them leaving makes sense but seeing Ortiz get drafted to job centre out of nowhere is a headscratcher considering the guy was getting more and more over whenever he’d squash a dude and not out-stay his welcome. He was greener than goat shit but that’s not exactly stopping Kozlov getting air time so maybe he deserved to be released for not being 6 foot 8.

Overall: The Morrison vs. Bourne match make this an easy recommendation as Morrison said goodbye to the brand he made his own for two years.

That’s your lot, thanks for watching and follow me on Twitter.