Should we use bribes to get our child to use the potty?

Our 28-month-old son is in the midst of toilet training, and he's doing well but doesn't always want to use the potty. Should we bribe him to go? Which rewards work best, and which ones don't?

Daphne Metland

Medical writer and editor.

Although some parents may feel unhappy about the idea of bribing their kids to use the potty, rewards often help children do what we want them to do. For example, if your child almost always remembers to use the potty when he's playing in his room but forgets to go when he's playing outdoors, the promise of a reward for staying dry may motivate him to come inside when he feels the urge.

However, a child in the early stages of toilet training usually doesn't have the skills and self-motivation to become trained just to earn a reward. Rewards tend to work best when a child needs extra motivation to do something he's almost ready to do on his own.

Rewards work well for some kids, especially if they are near or past the age of three, when they can more easily be tempted to sit on the potty or use the potty if offered a treat. Stickers, treats or even small prizes may work well if a child is ready to be toilet trained anyway. The treat motivates a child to keep practicing skills that might otherwise be less interesting to him.

Parents sometimes begin by offering a treat for sitting on the potty but then cut back to offering a treat only if the child actually produces something. Otherwise some children will run to the potty every half hour and sit for a few minutes just to get another biscuit!

Other parents use charts to help their children (and themselves) keep track of successes. Be realistic about what you are asking your child to do. If the task is too challenging, the chart may have so many empty spaces that he gives up. For example, if your child usually makes it to the potty but has a few accidents every day, you could put a small star in the day's box for each time he gets to the potty in time and a big sticker for an accident-free day.

Sometimes parents use a chart to show a child's progress over time. There may be a special reward, for example, for seven accident-free days. Longer-term goals are fine if you combine them with a way to recognise daily successes. Most young children can't stay motivated towards a reward that is days or weeks away.

Asking your child to promise to use the potty doesn't work well, however. Saying, "If we stop at the toy store on the way home to get you that game, you have to promise to use the toilet all afternoon" or "If I let you wear your party dress without a nappy, you have to promise me you won't have any accidents" probably won't do much good. It's useless to ask a young child to stick to a promise in exchange for something she wants in the moment.

A preschool-aged child can understand only what she feels and wants in the present. She can promise a parent anything, but she shouldn't be expected, at her age, to keep a promise, no matter what she says. Don't punish your young child for saying she'll do something later and then refusing. A preschooler's promise is not a legal contract!

Reviewed by Dr Winston Yong, former associate professor at Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia and now a consultant paediatrician in private practice in the Klang Valley

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