Telling Our Kids. Part 2.

















ME –





















36 thoughts on “Telling Our Kids. Part 2.

  1. Once again thank you for your honesty and transparency. I am confident you sharing these intimacies will provide healing for others. Praise God for the grace He has continued to shower on you and your family.

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    1. Even reading the words now is strange, Kaye. I can’t believe how we function through the pain and devastation. I am so grateful that HUSBAND was remorseful and quickly began to build empathy for the shitstorm of a life he’d created…and all that goes with it. HUGS.

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  2. I wish we had told our kids this well. Your Husband seemed to have gotten his broken behaviour so quickly after discovery. Beautiful. I hope others in the early stages of discovery find your post and learn from it to tell their children in such a mature and realistic way. Thank you for sharing xxxxx

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    1. Yes…in reading other stories, I see how quickly he did. Between April 12 and April 28, he was still in contact with his AP and thinking he would end things with me – doing the MC dance for show, etc. But somehow, on 4/29 when I read the full letter and knew the (truth) of the affair (truth…because there were more affairs and stuff to come out), he semi-broke. Then after he gave me (full) affair disclosure 5/25, he really broke…I could see it and he changed. Dramatically. I am thankful for that relatively fast timeline. HUGS.

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      1. Our timeline is so similar it’s frightening. Husband was in constant contact from the time he got back from training March 8 and wanting to end things with me and her move here (she came here April 9 to visit him) to my husband breaking on April 30, 2014 and telling the OW it was over the next day. All throughout contact he went back and forth telling me he was sorry and wanted his family and then she kept reeling him back in. He was so confused and conflicted. He is now remorseful and trying to keep us on track with our healing.

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        1. He sees the pain he’s caused when I break down. Not sure if he really “sees himself”. I think he’s separated himself from the person who did those things. He treats me better, not that he treated me horribly, but he doesn’t put me down jokingly anymore to make himself feel better. He knows he’s been given a gift of a second chance with someone who didn’t have to give it to him. We don’t speak often of the affair mainly because I’m done making him feel guilty about it. It’s over and done. She’s gone forever. He knows there is only one chance he will be given.

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  3. To sixpence. Once your infidelity was out did you start to feel a real sense of relief? To finally be able to lead the life of truth and honesty and no longer have the deceit eating away at you ?
    My Husband felt so scared at first then slowly the relief came. Today he is liking himself more than he has ever done.

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    1. Wow,Tempted. I didn’t feel strong. Just utterly broken. Almost like my only lifeline was this tenuous, tiny strand called truth. I have so much to say about this as the story goes on…so much I discovered about me, and about our life, and about things I could never see. HUSBAND’s speaking in honesty and clarity has been really instrumental in the process for all of us. HUGS.

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  4. I
    Wish Thats what all the wayward spouses would get- the need for honestly! Just get it all out – I
    Hate that they convince themselves they are protecting us, but it is still so much about protecting themselves. The thing about truth is that it will come out. I
    Would much rather get it from a remorseful husband than a spiteful ow or find it myself!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Awww you typed it up and pressed print… Now you sound like my world. Oh my little spreadhsheets.

    This is very honest. I would have trouble reading this out loud but by that time I’m guessing you were so raw there was… Nothing less to burn

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  6. This was beautiful way of handling a terrible thing. We told our older two children (mid-older teens at the time) after some debate. In the end there was no way around it. The whore sought them (and me) out on social media. She bullied, harassed and revealed gory details of the affair. Things no child should have to read about their father and another woman. At one point we were forced to notify the school, after she breached a secure social media group.

    To those who don’t think children should ever be told, regardless of their age, I would say this. They know more than you think they know. Kids aren’t as quick to buy the lies, to believe in the stories. They feel the absence/distance (both emotional and physical) of the cheating parent so acutely. More than we know. I believe we OWE IT to them. Our kids heard the truth. They had imagined much worse and we were able to correct some misconceptions. They heard a broken-hearted, but united front. They heard their parents talking about their plans to forgive and move forward. They learned about grace, mercy, forgiveness. They learned about trying, failing and grieving. And as they get older, they will hear about how to avoid making the same mistakes in their own lives. They will learn about boundaries. They will learn about connection. Putting family first and making your spouse a priority. I pray for all of our children as they grow up into their own adult lives.

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    1. How incredibly powerful. It makes me ILL that these sick people will use our children to wreak more havoc, but it sounds like you and your husband have created a very solid plan of moving forward in honesty and openness. They do know more than we know…and they are injured in this whole mess too. It is powerful that you have included them in the healing, and given them tools moving forward to address deep challenges in their own lives. HUGS.

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  7. To your husband. How did you justify cheating on your wife so early in your marriage? As you moved onto other affairs what did you tell yourself. Could you manage if your wife cheated? I have read blogs by betrayed men and their hearts break just as easily. I am not digging at you. Your loving wife has given you such a gracious gift. I just am so curious.


    1. I could never justify it, but I believe I rationalized it by a cultural “man code” I grew up and worked around. This kind of behavior was almost glorified as long as you kept it straight around the house and under wraps. This can’t be further from the truth. Lies spawn lies, and is an ever increasing burden to remember lies, stories, who’s intertwined and who isn’t but you had to use them to pull off your lie. So you have to involve an innocent friend to cover your deceit, and it just goes on.

      I think I would have been shattered if the roles had been reversed. Mostly because of my pride, after all, I’m such a ladies man. Bunk!!!

      Now I could deal with it because I’ve have the awesome example of grace and love. I’m also confident that my wife loves me dearly, I don’t deserve to even hold her flip flops

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You are amazing to have shared such a private and difficult conversation with us. Thank you for your honesty. I hope you are able to share the reactions of your children and how they are coping with THEIR new reality. Sending you love and strength. SWxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get such incredible strength from each of you, and can only hope that someone might draw an idea, or strength or hope from something that I’ve experienced. None of has any idea what or how or when or where to do ANYTHING when all this unfolds, and if we can help each other…maybe… Big HUGS.

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  9. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Powerful words. I can only imagine how your kids reacted to the news, but I agree that the truth is important to help all of you heal and to help them as they have their own relationships. Since my oldest is only 5, there is no talk in our house, but I do wonder if I will ever tell them. I also relate to a lot of what you say here. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Of course, Alli, I would not try to little ones. I think the bigger reality is this is now part of the history of your marriage, of your lives, and as you grow as a family, it should not be hidden or ignored. Not exactly sure how that happens, but you will know when the moments come and you can chose a moment of illumination or hiding. I will be writing some over the next few weeks about revelations amongst my family of origin…how it was handled…and how it actually set me up for some of the realities in my own adult life. HUGS.


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