

How to Avoid STD's

I think Aldous Snow put it best in his song "The Clap" when he said, "We got the itch, you got the scratch, burns burns burns like the head of a match, you took the front, I took the back, oh yeah..."

Maybe he was joking, but I really don't think so. STD's are pretty serious stuff. A study just came out in California that shows syphilis is up 18 percent, chlamydia is up 5 percent, and gonorrhea is up 1.5 percent. That is pretty scary considering we live in an 'information age' so who the hell doesn't know about STDs.

Well since apparently everyone was either sleeping or texting during Sex Education it looks like Manwall will have to provide you some distance education with a course fondly named 'How to Avoid STD's' also known as 'Keeping your Junk Clean'.

How to Avoid STD's

  1. Never go bareback when getting some strange. Yeah, sliding into a woman sans rubber feels awesome but you know what doesn't feel awesome? A positive HIV test.
  2. Don't believe anything stupid people tell you about not being able to get STD's from anything other than penetrating a woman. Genital herpes, syphilis, chancroid, and HPV are usually transferred from infected skin. That can mean getting a BJ too bro.
  3. Always bring a jimmy hat. I don't care if you aren't planning on having sex; if you are going out carry a couple of condoms. Leave some in the nightstand and toss some in the glove box. No excuses not to suit up.
  4. No matter how drunk you are, always look for strange sores around her mouth before you even think about kissing her. Same goes for going downtown and motor-boating those fun bags. Of course herpes is a tricky bastard and can't always be seen. But if she has some sores then you got someplace better to be Holmes.
  5. Ask. Yeah it seems like a mood killer but guess what, so is Aids. A simple, "Have you been tested lately?" should suffice. Honestly it makes you look like a decent guy for checking and probably makes her assume that you have...which leads to...
  6. Get yourself tested regularly. No shame in being safe. Hell whores and porn stars do it regularly so if the pro's do it then so should the amateurs.
  7. Be very wary of a girl who doesn't seem to care if you are wearing anything and tries to raw dog you. Honestly if she is that down to rail you in the pink and there is no history between the two of you, more than likely she has gotten dirty with other guys like this as well.
  8. Decide upfront how far you are willing to go with any girl you set your sites on. Just because you picked her up at church doesn't mean she is some pristine virgin. Use some solid judgment before your hormones decide for you; those bastards always make an impulsive choice.

If you think you might have an STD...

Get your ass to the doctor idiot. Yes you always want to avoid STD's but if you get one then get treatment right away. Some things get cleared up with a pill bro.

Don't be that guy who is too chicken to find out what he might have and figures that not knowing makes it cool for him to keep railing chicks.