It’s Been A Bad Few Months…










If I Could…











Dad Went To The Oncologist Today










Tis The Season…..









Cancer’s New Normal

When I was going through the initial induction chemotherapy after being told I had AML/subtype M-3 or APL (acute promyelocytic leukemia), I just sort of went with the flow. My emotions were blunted- partly from fatigue, and partly from not really having the time to wrap my head around the idea of cancer before chemo started.  I was admitted from the ER after having some shortness of breath, and didn’t leave for 6 weeks.  I did have some warning that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what until I was admitted to the hospital oncology floor, and the bone marrow biopsy was done.  It was a whirlwind of life changing forever.  And yet, I’m very lucky.

I’ve written about Jeannie Hayes (the local NBC affiliate anchorwoman) who had 2 days between diagnosis and death. This week a friend of mine had a nephew who was OK on Thanksgiving, felt a little bad over the weekend, and then went from the local ER to being life-flighted to a children’s hospital; he was in a coma by the time he got there…and died the next morning. He was 11 years old.  The information I’ve got tells me it is the same thing… APL.  Nobody had a chance to even get used to the idea of cancer before they were making funeral arrangements.  That’s two families (and their friends) who had their lives changed forever from a disease they barely had time to learn how to pronounce.  Two people in the last month who died within 2 days of diagnosis, from the same thing that I survived.  It’s shaken me up a bit…. I feel so badly for those families, especially since APL is one of the most curable leukemias if its caught early enough.  Mine was caught purely by ‘accident’ with annual diabetic lab work.  I had no symptoms telling me to get checked out.

I never spent much time before now looking at how fortunate I really am.  It was simply what was happening, and I had to deal with it. But now, I’m gaining a whole different perspective on what very easily could have been the end of me.  The average survival from the onset of the disease and death (for those who are undiagnosed/untreated) is about a month.  Many people are diagnosed during autopsy. It’s that fast.  I didn’t get in to see an oncologist for 2 weeks after that bad lab work, and that was because someone else cancelled- I had originally been put off for over a month. I’d seen my lab work. I knew I needed to get seen, so I had my doc make a call and get me in sooner.  Then there was the delay of another week for the bone marrow biopsy.  I didn’t make it that long before I went to the ER with breathing problems.

My chemo lasted for a total of 19 months, with the IV stuff in the hospital, IV stuff (arsenic) as an outpatient on telemetry in the oncology unit, and then a year of ATRA  (all trans retinoic acid- think jacked up vitamin A), methotrexate, and M6 mercaptopurine- all pills. They have all had effects that have lasted longer than actually taking them.  My blood sugars are just now getting back into some decent range (I’ve been off of all chemo for 14 months). My weight is horrible (I gained a lot). And my skin is still kind of weird. BUT, I’ve been in remission since the end of induction.  NO relapses.  I’ve had a few annoying things (shingles, infected bug bites on my face- or that’s the guess, etc) that delayed things a few times. The muscle and joint pain towards the end of the year on oral meds was pretty brutal, but if it meant I’d survive, I could put up with it.  I actually got out of the whole thing fairly unscathed.

Now comes the rest of my life, when any little bump in the road health-wise has my cancer radar spinning like an EF-5 tornado.  I’ve got a bunch of other things going on with my health, so I’m never sure when I should pay attention to something, or when it’s just my life as I know it with a little hiccup. Last spring, I had a mammogram, MRI of my brain, colonoscopy, upper endoscopy (EGD), skin exam and biopsy, and yearly (ha !!) girly exams.  They all came out fine, for which I’m very thankful.  I’m waiting to feel relieved and like I’m really going to be OK for the long haul.  The official ‘5-year mark’ doesn’t hit until April of 2015.

And I’m not sure that’s going to make me feel really in the clear.  I watched my mom have bilateral mastectomies (separate surgeries), a lung resection, and brain tumor removed- and then chemo and radiation. The radiation to the brain left her with dementia for most of the 17 years she lived without additional cancer.  Every time, they said they ‘got it all’… is that even possible to say with complete certainty?  I don’t mean to sound like a total buzz kill for those doing well- not at all.  I’m a nurse. I’ve taken care of metastatic cancer patients, and seen them go through hell.  I just need to work out in my own head when to have things checked out.  And how to feel it’s OK to expect a future (disabled as I was before the leukemia).  And when to relax a bit.

I don’t have anything that’s bugging me in a suspicious way- I’ve just never dealt with the cancer to begin with. I put on a smile, drove myself to every one of 50 doses of arsenic, and the weekend Neupogen/Neulasta shots (to boost white cells), showed up for my appointments on my own (even the bone marrow biopsies- drove myself home 20 minutes after they were done), and never really thought about how close I came to being six feet under.  I absolutely understand that my prognosis is excellent. My most recent genetic marker studies were perfect. NO sign of the translocation of chromosomes 15 and 17.  I’ve been rearranged back into the right genetic sequence (how weird is that? !).  I’m a survivor.  I’m doing well- I get it… and I understand cancer isn’t a predictable disease.  I feel a sense of responsibility to have my apartment set up as simply as possible, clear out some clutter, and be prepared for anything that I can, to ensure that I can live independently as long as possible.  That may be another 30 years with nothing else mucking things up.  That’s the ‘plan’…but cancer doesn’t respect plans.

This all sounds so much more depressing than I really feel- to me it’s just reality.  I need to be as prepared as I can be, while not being tied to a diagnosis that has pretty well been treated. Relapse can still happen, but my new oncologist is checking genetic markers often.  He encourages patients to get things checked out if there’s any question.  He ‘gets’ the emotional component of having the ‘big C’ and knowing that it’s a mind warp for a while.

The news anchor and now the 11 year old have opened my eyes up to how blessed I am to still be here to even be a bit freaked out by their deaths.  I can’t imagine the pain their families’ are going through. No warning.  My prayers go out to them.

I need to figure out how to live better within my physical limitations. I’m still very fortunate.  Now just to stop being a bit scared.  A lot.

Reviewing Mortality

Per Wolters Kluwer… (and the technical stuff doesn’t last long). 


Acute myeloid leukemia (AML) refers to a group of hematopoietic neoplasms involving cells committed to the myeloid lineage. Acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL) is a biologically and clinically distinct variant of AML. APL was classified as AML-M3 in the older French-American-British (FAB) classification system and is currently classified as acute promyelocytic leukemia with t(15;17)(q24.1;q21.1);PML-RARA in the WHO classification system [1]. (See “Molecular biology of acute promyelocytic leukemia”.)

Without treatment, APL is the most malignant form of AML with a median survival of less than one month [2].Registry data suggest that many patients die before reaching an experienced hematologist. Thus, those patients who enroll in prospective clinical trials may already be a selected subset. However, with modern therapy, APL is associated with the highest proportion of patients who are presumably cured of their disease. The treatment of APL is distinct from that of other types of AML and is comprised of several stages which, in total, may span one to two years of treatment (table 1) [3]:Remission induction

Please pardon the uber-paragraph…for some reason, I can’t get paragraphs done on this post…

In the past few months- and especially the past few weeks since a local anchorwoman died from APL, I’ve been looking back at those first weeks when I found out I had the disease.  I’d gotten some routine lab work that showed some significant problems, and had to wait 2 weeks before I could see an oncologist.  He wanted to do a bone marrow biopsy the following week. For those who are counting, that’s 3 weeks of the expected month to survive if  the disease is untreated. I never made it to that scheduled bone marrow biopsy – I ended up in the ER the weekend before with some shortness of breath that I figured was due to the anemia (I’d seen the lab work; I was in trouble- just didn’t know what type at that time).  But, I’ve got a history of some significant blood clots in my lungs, and have been told to always get anything funky in my chest checked out.  Good thing I did.

So much more makes sense now, as far as why things seemed so ‘urgent’.  I’d been an RN since 1985, but never dealt with blood cancers much.  My mom had cancer in several sites, as did a dear cousin (of some sort- not sure the exact relation, but it’s not important).  I’d worked with cancer patients who needed surgery.  But I had a lot to learn when I got sick.

I had some complications- petechiae (tiny hemorrhages under the skin that can lead to systemic bleeding…and death) from low platelets, infections from my immune system being trashed, and anemia from the cancer itself. I had over 2 dozen transfusions of blood products (platelets and red blood cells).  My temp went to 103 with an ear infection and cellulitis into my chin and neck.  And I just sort of lied there in the bed not having much of a reaction to any of it.

I’d heard that APL has a very high cure rate, and that’s what I hung on to; I was going to be  fine.  Infections get fixed. Platelets get replaced. Anemia is treated. No problem. Right?  I guess that degree of denial and general ignorance was helpful at the time. I had very little anxiety.  I laughed a LOT at ‘America’s Funniest Videos’, and tried to stay upbeat.  Now, I realize how close I came to buying the farm. I was already circling the drain.  But I was fortunate. I got a chance to get well.  The anchorwoman in town had two days between diagnosis and death.  That was it.  Her friends and family were left with so many questions and a degree of shock that rips at the core.

I have to admit, I’m more skittish when something comes up that isn’t ‘right’. I wonder what my blood counts are when I’m feeling tired.  I wonder if various aches and pains ‘mean’ something (I’ve got fibromyalgia- I’ve always got aches and pains, and the only thing THAT means is a royal pain in the butt).  I wonder if I’ll relapse before that ‘magic’ five-year mark (April 2015). I wonder what the plan will be if I do.

I’m not generally a morbid person (a bit macabre sometimes with a typical nurses’ sense of humor). But I don’t think about dying much.  I’ve got a strong faith in God, and belief in Heaven, so death doesn’t scare me. That being said, I don’t want to die.  My dog needs her heart meds.  My dad is still around. I’ve got some dear family members I haven’t known that long and don’t want to ‘leave’.

I’ve become even more thankful for being diagnosed when I was.  I’m thankful that the oncologist I was assigned to (at random from the ER admission) was familiar with APL and the current treatments to get the best possible outcome.   I’m thankful I had a chance. 

When It’s Too Late To Fix Leukemia











