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August 26th, 2003

Holt = JKF?

"CANBERRA - Australia will revisit its oldest political mystery with a coroner's inquiry into the disappearance of Prime Minister Harold Holt, who went swimming nearly 36 years ago and was never seen again.

The conservative politician's disappearance at a south coast beach became Australia's whodunnit equivalent to the assassination of U.S. President John F. Kennedy."

(well, no. not really. most people just assume holt drowned, caught in a rip or some such thing, which is entirely different to jkf, who was brutally murdered by the american government, who then had a weak assed cover story for it. if, by some chance, holt was assassinated, then this simply shows that the australian government was much more well thought out than anyone gave them credit for.


"BOSTON - MorganFunShares, a closed-end fund that made a name for itself by betting people will always drink, smoke, and gamble, will be shut down later this year because investors weren't willing to take the same wager, a fund director says.

Cleveland, Ohio-based MorganFunShares has roughly $8 million in assets. It will be liquidated before the end of the year because it was too expensive to run after its founder, Burton Morgan, died in March, said Robert Pincus, president of MorganFunShares.

Morgan, who was in his 80s when he died, launched the fund in 1994 because he believed people will not cut back on liquor, tobacco or gambling habits even in bad economic times. The fund's biggest holdings include gaming company International Game Tech and brewing giant Anheuser-Busch"

John Clarke

LOS ANGELES - Russian playwright Anton Chekhov is the top seed but is knocked out by James Joyce before the final game, set and match.

Charlie Chaplin's trousers fall down as he stretches his racquet for overhead shots, while Pablo Picasso, despite being knocked out in the second round, is negotiating a lifetime sponsorship deal worth an estimated $400 million.

Such is the scenario imagined by writer John Clarke in a forthcoming novel about the 20th century's greatest cultural influences battling it out in a two-week tennis tournament.

"It's about 150 years of ideas," Clarke told Reuters. "There are a whole lot of people whose work and lives we know a great deal about, and we sort of know the way they behave, but we don't see them doing it because they are all dead.

"I thought that breathing a bit of life into them and having them run round in a modern tennis tournament would be pretty good -- and miles more interesting (than real players) because they've actually got ideas."

and finally:

Inmate TV Stars

BANGKOK, Thailand - One of Thailand's main prisons will begin operating an in-house cable television station next month that will feature news and entertainment shows hosted by inmates, a prison official said Sunday.

The station at Bang Kwang Central Prison, just north of Bangkok, is the latest in a series of measures to try and ease tension among inmates at Thailand's overcrowded prisons.

Bang Kwang Prison Television, or BKPTV, will begin broadcasting Sept. 5 and feature a weekly one-hour live show with the prison warden talking with inmates about their complaints, said Somboon Madtramud, head of the prison's administration department.

BKPTV will air news, movies and music, plus sports and entertainment shows, said Somboon, who added that scenes deemed immoral or provocative will be screened out.

Convicts will be used to introduce programs, and eventually may produce them.

"We will select good-looking prisoners with good personalities to present our shows," Somboon said."

(it seems that even in prison, only the pretty people can get onto tv...)