Friday, October 27, 2017

Jesus, Coffee and Wine

Well....It's official.  I will never sleep again.  It is interesting really becoming a parent, all the parents around you warn you about having babies.  Babies keep you up all night. The days of having a continuous night of sleep are over. Books upon books upon books are written all dedicated to helping you with that first year as a new parent. You even get help for the toddler years.  My days as a mother to babies and toddlers are over.  Where are my books? Where are the warnings?  Where are the people and the support groups and mom groups I'll tell you where they are: Total Wine.  That's where I am, man.  Nothing in life makes sense and I just want to drink a healthy fruity adult beverage and attempt to sleep at night.  Life as we have known it is now over. O-V-E-R!!!  I can't even.  Total Wine and Target with a Starbucks that's where those moms are.  Laugh all you want all you young moms, I was you once, it's coming for you too.  Sit there all you confident ones who think being your kid's "bestie" is the answer.  Ha!  You're adorable.

OK I'm going to break this down for you.  While all the other girls and boys were dating in high school and the moms were all freaking out I was sitting pretty.  I was feeling all confident.  I had raised MY children that school was first and dating was a distraction that would come later...after college...when they're thirty...or I'm dead. Get off your high horse over there Mable!  Yes, I remember being young.  Yes, I remember dating in high school and college and I remember all the things.  Which is why I'm saying no....just no. It is a brand new ball game when it is your child and not you.

For the record my husband is calm and cool as a cucumber over here.  He's all...."It was going to happen eventually, Let them have experiences and live their life."  He watches comedies and sports and has never seen the movie Taken.  Obviously he doesn't know about the world today. He's also never watched Sex and the City which I think furthers my point. I know things. I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.  I have street smarts and I have seen both of those movies and I've seen all of the Karate Kid movies and the Hunger Games.  I. Have. Got. This.

All of this has come about because Megan now has a boy...who is a friend....I feel sick.  OK fine she says he is her boyfriend.  Whatever.  He's a boy.  He can be her friend.  She has a 'boyfriend' and I have apparently turned into Tony Soprano and I have never even seen that show.  I'm a mob boss and think I have 'people' at my disposal. Obviously, I'm handling this well.  I also think I'm Iron Man's a problem having an overactive imagination.  What I am is a middle aged woman whose cervical spine is deteriorating and sometimes even holding my head up hurts.  I'm not lethal or deadly, I'm a writer.  It'll have to do.  It's amazing the lengths that we are willing to go to protect out children though.  Feasible or not.  This letting go business is HARD.  I'm not a fan. 

So as I was sitting pretty, or so I thought, all the other moms were actually getting all prepared.  They were getting practice for this sort of thing.  Jokes on me...again.  Kind of like when I was in high school and I said I would never get married and have children and we are.  God does have a sense of humor.  Which is obviously where I get it from.  I couldn't be pretty, or a doctor, or an artist, or anything good, nope, I get to appreciate a great joke.  It doesn't exactly pay the bills is all I'm saying.  Mother always said she hoped I got a child just like me.  I got three of them that are just like me to varying degrees. She gets to appreciate it from her front row seat to the show in heaven.  Paybacks are fun.  I look forward to the day, when I'm sixty five and they get married and get their little paybacks themselves.

This boy will probably be the first of many that will vie for my daughter's attention.  My other daughter, though she doesn't believe it, will likely experience this as well.  Once my son starts bringing girls home I will likely be buying boxed wine instead of wine coolers.  We'll have to keep that on tap.  I'm told that Total Wine has an app and you can get rewards so...there's that.  Life as I knew it is now over.  All I need now is Jesus, coffee, and wine.  I should probably throw in some bread too. I shouldn't probably drink on an empty stomach. I'm new to the adult beverage life.  They were never on my shopping lesson when I had a small hold on my life.

He seems like a nice kid so far....for the most part.  He tried to teach her how to cook this evening and they made us dinner.  He cleaned it up too!  You have to give credit where it is due. He can cook and he isn't scared to hold a conversation. She's terribly young though I mean she's five...ok...she's twenty but in my mind she's five.  She's a beautiful young lady and she's my little girl.  I will always like every boy more if they aren't dating my daughters.  Can anyone ever be good enough for your little girl?  Can a girl ever be good enough for your little boy?  I'm no sure....All I can do is pray that God places the right people  in my children's lives.  Well, pray and drink so I can get some sleep.

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