Which Mustache Matches Your Personality?

By: Mark Lichtenstein
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Mustaches are a time-honored tradition among men the world over. In some cultures, a mustache implies masculinity and authority. In others, it can connote a specific profession, like policeman, magician, or plumber. Choosing the right mustache is then not just a matter of comfort, but also one of culture.

Wearing a mustache is a commitment. It isn't just a matter of not shaving one's face. Mustaches need trimming and upkeep. Some of them require conditioner, while others require wax. Having a mustache is far more work than shaving. Deciding to grow one is not undertaken lightly.

Sometimes mustaches must also conform to dress codes. The New York Yankees allow no facial hair except for mustaches, and even then some styles are frowned on. A cop with a broom mustache is to be expected, but a police officer wearing a pencil mustache would be unnerving and would likely complicate the job. Some mustaches are easier to grow for certain kinds of beard stubble. Others are just always wrong no matter the context; the toothbrush mustache, for example, was ruined by Adolph Hitler.

So take this quiz and learn what manner of face fuzz is right for you. It's a big commitment, so go into it armed with all the information.

Do you have experience with complicated morning ablutions, like dental care while wearing braces?

What kind of exercise do you take?

How retro are your threads?

What kind of shoes do you wear to work?

How much free time do you have in the morning?

How is the hair situation atop your head?

How thick is your stubble?

Have you ever grown facial hair before?

Do you style or groom your other body hair?

How do you think a mustache would be seen by your professional contacts?

How do you think your friends and family will react to your new facial adornment?

How long are you willing to wait for your mustache to achieve its full growth?

How do you think having a mustache will positively affect your life?

If you played a sport, what would it be?

What kind of music is your scene?

Are you artistic?

Who is your masculine ideal?

What's the worst association you're okay with your mustache having?

How eccentric is your hair style?

How fashion forward is your wardrobe?

How stylish is your work outfit on most days?

Do you think growing a mustache is going to save you time?

What positive do you want to derive from your new face fuzz?

How is your partner with this mustache-growing-thing?

How much care are you willing to put into your mustache over the course of the day?

What industry are you in?

What is the closest approximation of where you now live?

How would you do in a bare knuckle fight?

Can you draw a straight line to save your life?

How do you think having a mustache could negatively affect your life?

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