Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mom Olympics

Today I took a trip to the store during a small snow storm we're having here. When I went in it was freezing rain, and when I came out it was snowing again. I had my snow boots on, so I was set there, but I was having a little trouble pushing the cart. My cart was filled with groceries, and two kids. I was pushing it slightly uphill through the snow/slush/crusty ice. I mean I was almost horizontal pushing that damn thing! By the time I reached the car I was out of breath, my already sore thighs (from working out you perverts) were shaking, and I had a dewy glow on my brow. It was crazy, and I thought to myself "this should be an Olympic sport." Then I thought to myself "there are lots of things moms do that could be made into a sport." It's true! I mean sometimes being a mother requires every ounce of strength, agility, speed, and creativity we've got. How many times have you sat there for a minute and thought about how you would execute something with your kids in the mix? Personally, I can't even count. Just go back to those posts about flying with 2 kids and you've got about 2 dozen right there.

So here are some of the other events I'd put in the mom Olympics:

1) Getting out of the house with yourself and your children fully dressed in less than 10 minutes. Honestly, it is pure insanity itself to even put that time restraint on yourself, but sometimes we've got an emergency or rare situation when you have only minutes to leave the house. Inevitably my toddler is running around laughing at me as I try to catch him to put his clothes on, and the baby pulls her socks and shoes off 5 times before we leave. I've managed to get out of the house in minutes, but it isn't pretty and I need a stiff drink afterwards.

2) Trying to get all your errands done before the baby gets tired or hungry. There is a short window and these things require planning. The minute they're up from their nap you have to shove food in their mouth and throw them in the car, so that you can get all your errands done before the meltdown happens. Very hard to avoid. You've probably seen me in Wal Mart with the screaming baby and a toddler that is about to wiggle himself out of the cart headfirst.

3) Changing diapers on a newly mobile baby or young toddler. I've had to resort to putting my foot on the baby to keep them from wiggling away before I can either a) get the poop off before the baby wiggles it all over both of us and the carpet or b) get the Velcro tabs cinched down on the new one. It's like trying to diaper a de-clawed cat!

4) Feeding the kids and yourself at the same time when you have only 5 minutes. In between shoving bites in your own mouth you have to shove them in the baby's mouth, and yell at the toddler to "please eat! for the love of god, we have to leave in 3 minutes!"

5) Install a car seat on an airplane while you have a baby strapped to your chest.

6) Pregnancy triathalon - you have to shave your legs, paint your toe nails and tie your shoes. First one done wins.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I almost hate to say it...

but....we're potty training. I mean he's actually doing it. He's getting the hang of it. He's excited. It's going much easier than I ever anticipated. It's all due to a visit to a friend's house who is potty training, and the use of suckers as a reward. I would have never guessed that would be the ticket to success, but hey...I'll take it!

That is not to say it's not still disgusting. I stand by my observations that it is still yucky. On a few occasions poop has ended up all over the bathroom, and once on his sister. Don't ask me how....daddy was babysitting. I wish I could have been there to see that go down.

He has to be naked or it doesn't work as good. If I put sweat pants or underpants on him he forgets he is potty training. Is this normal?

I mean I'm still gonna take it. I don't care if he has to be naked for a year. It's better than being the only one who hasn't potty trained their kid yet. I felt like a pariah. Now I feel like I'm the one that's getting my big girl panties. LOL