10. Apr, 2014

The Window Opens

The wave left at 5 pm yesterday. I woke from a toxic, afternoon's sleep around 4pm suffering intense symptoms and not knowing who or where I was. An hour later I was well. No anxiety apart from mild flutterings in my stomach. I was calm and able to pass a normal evening with my husband.


This pattern of windows and waves can be wearing. There's no way of telling when the bad times will strike. Their onset may be signaled by rumblings in my stomach, heat, palpitations and intense anxiety. They do not frighten me but the constant, intrusive thoughts are annoying. They take away the belief that this is healing and my brain is readjusting to a drug free exisistence. If I can understand this process then why is it that doctors are so blinkered? I am horrifed by the lack of education shown in this by many in the medical profession. My GABA receptors are trying their hardest to come back on line while my amygdala is seeking to find what is real and what is not. (The amygdala is a small almond-shaped structure in the limbic system that is linked to emotions and aggression. It functions to control fear responses, the secretion of hormones, arousal and the formation of emotional memories). Eventually the lack of evidence to support an appoaching tiger allows it to calm down and set me free. Unfortunately while my brain comes to grips with reality it crashes about looking for the truth. This is healing and it may happen many times again before I fully recover.


Briefly to clarify waves and windows......waves = periods of time when symptoms are at their most severe while windows = periods when everything eases up and you can feel almost normal. Faith is needed at all times that eventually windows will get longer and longer while waves will slowly disappear.


Today I am well and will walk and tidy the house ready for my family to visit for the next week. I am fine. 😀