Original Post - 2019/02/11 12:01:13 PM

Once upon a time there was an ugly blue guy with a lampshade hat and loud annoying harmonica pirate that had lost his old crew in a lava related accident. He and a sad old veteran that lost his legs in the vietnam war another lava related accident were looking for a new ship and become part of the crew.

One day two guys arrived at the checkpoint crashed on the island with the stranded inhabitants. They were able to use the given materials whatever was left of the previous shipwrecks to build another ship. It would be huge and would survive in virtually any environment.

The pirate and double amputee decided to take a closer look at the two sailors' boat and then they found themselves on the deck of the ship. "Arrrrgh! This be a fine ship, built by a mighty crew," says the blue guy trying to sound like a pirate.

"Halt! Who goes there!" yells one sailor. "GET OFF MY BOAT!" screams the other sailor, who is definitely the captain because of his loud voice. "It is I, Harmonica Beard," Phil the pirate answers. "Hi! IM toothpick, and we used my peg legs as firewood the night before. Can we join you two nice people?" says the pirate's friend. The sailor captain responds with "Get off my boat and ask nicely."

The pirate and the double amputee exit the boat and step wait for the sailors to recruit them. "Arrrrr! This be a fine vessel. May I join your mighty crew in your adventures to discover treasure?" The pirate asks nicely. "Can I freeload? hahahaha!" the amputee asks as if he lost his manners with his legs. "Yes," responds the captain as if it was to both the new recruits at the same time. "Don't interrupt our build. Wait outside and keep watch," says the other sailor.

Some time later, the pirate discovers himself sitting on a seat attached to the wall hanging from his underpants, that is pinned to the side of the large raft. "ARGH! THIS IS VERY PAINFUL." "Keep quiet you might attract unwanted attention!" yells back the sailor, trying to hide his hammer and nails. The legless man didn't have legs to hang from, so he watched from the top of the boat.

"ALRIGHT WE'RE READY NOW," says the captain. On the finished boat, there were four seats for the four crew members. One seat was in front of the other 3. The raft was huge and included a roof if it flipped over in the lava rained. The pirate was still hanging on the side of the boat while the other three inspected the vessel for any flaws.

While the three were testing out the seats, the pirate asked, "Arrr May I come aboard, captain?" "You were never part of the crew!" said the captain. It was true. The captain recruited the amputee and rudely ignored the pirate. Before he could react, the sailor dropped the pirate into the lava shark infested water. "ARRRGH ME ARM AND TWO LEGS!" The pirate yelled after his limbs were burnt off bitten off by sharks.

Due to the weight being shifted off of one side, the crew had to redesign the boat. However, the pirate managed to survive with his right arm to pull himself back to shore. Not only the two sailors were very mean, but they managed to turn the amputee against his pirate friend. "Arrg! Bon voyage, Scallywags!" yelled the injured pirate as he deleted the block that kept the raft from drifting away cut the anchor, causing the boat to float away from shore. The Pirate watched the three traitors and their suddenly unfinished boat drift away into the horizon.

In the end, the mega raft and its crew were never heard from again. Perhaps it turned over and burnt in the lava sunk from its unbalanced design. The pirate, however, managed to use driftwood and the treasure map to find the treasure. Unfortunately, he was unable to fend off the horrible, undead crab men that defended the true treasure: friendship.

Reply - 2019/02/11 12:01:58 PM

This is what school doesn't teach you.

Reply - 2019/02/11 12:37:42 PM


Reply - 2019/02/11 12:40:34 PM

tl;dr [2]

Reply - 2019/02/11 12:42:08 PM

tl;dr [3]

Reply - 2019/02/11 1:13:17 PM

to those who failed middle school english class because marly and me was too long so they didn't read

three people were rude to pirates and died

Reply - 2019/02/11 1:15:23 PM

this would be epic if it has more Italians saying spaghetti, am i right?