Barstool’s Feitelberg Gives Cribs Tour Of Newport #SaturdaysAreForTheBoys House (Video)

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Feitelberg is not your average Newport tour guide.

When girls show up to summer in Newport, they bring everything loading up a couple U-hauls with a massive wardrobe, including their industrial-strength hair dryer. When guys roll in, they tend to follow the adage “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner”. Things are kept simple. The bedroom is where you’ll find a bed…and possibly some clothes…but mostly a bed. The kitchen is where alcohol and pizza boxes are kept. Oddly enough, the bathroom is where you might find some extravagance, as that’s where guys do the work to make themselves sexy to the ladies.

A constant for single men in Newport.

As much as the city has changed from a colonial port to a Gilded Age playground to a naval installation and finally a tourist resort, single guys have lived like bears. Why bother pimping out a place that you’re going to leave in a couple months? Especially in Newport, where the whole point is to be out. Sailors knew this. The Irish students coming over as summer guest workers knew this. The Bulgarians know this.

John Feitelberg is no stranger to Newport so he knows this. That’s why he can be awoken into a blinding hangover, told to give a MTV Cribs-style tour of his Newport spot and not miss a beat.

So the #SaturdaysAreForTheBoys house looks a lot like a fraternity house (hardly unexpected) with the one exception that most fraternities aren’t sponsored by Zana Hot Sauce, which all the Stoolies will be putting in their margaritas now.

That house is like canoeing the Saco River; it’s not very comfortable, but with enough alcohol, it will include the best times of many people’s lives.

This assumes, of course, that no one dies. Fortunately, as Feitelberg mentions, they have insurance for that.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Housing Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?