Same as it ever was.

We're mad at New Pope at the moment, for having a secret Jesus tryst with Kim Davis where he reportedly told her she was some kind of freedom fighter, for refusing to do her job. But one thing everybody might have already forgotten about is how Francis used his address to Congress to call for an end to the barbaric death penalty -- you know, that thing where we get to exact bloody revenge on people for doing bad things without even having to lift one of our obese American meat fingers.

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In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, Georgia revenge killed (we're not using the word "executed" anymore, we decided last night) Kelly Gissendaner, who plotted her husband Douglas Gissendaner's 1997 murder, but did not carry it out herself. The man who killed him, Gregory Owen, who was Kelly's boyfriend at the time, is serving life in prison, because he got a deal for turning on her.

Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano, representing Pope Francis, had requested in writing to the Georgia Board of Pardons and Paroles that it "commute the sentence to one that would better express both justice and mercy." Gissendaner was, by all accounts, the model story of the prisoner who is rehabilitated and turns her life around behind bars. Her grown children begged for clemency, despite being deprived of their father. She completed theological education while in prison, and reportedly acted as a shining light for others confined with her. Here's how retired Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Norman Fletcher described her:

“While Ms. Gissendaner’s sentence was wrong on the day that it was imposed, it is impossible to ignore her work as a true minister of mercy during her years on death row. I am profoundly moved by the testimony of former and current prisoners, prison guards and officials, prison volunteers, and chaplains who have borne witness to the goodwill, hope, and example that she has provided for dozens of inmates in desperate need,” said Fletcher in a statement released Monday. “She serves as a shining example of her faith, which is the product of her own remorse and devotion, and also a testament to the tremendous success of the reforms we have made in our prison system.”

The unreconstructed rednecks in charge in Gwinnett County, Georgia, told the pope to fuck off, and murdered Gissendaner as planned. Reportedly, she sobbed and sang "Amazing Grace."

And now the pope has tried to intervene in ANOTHER state-sponsored murder planned for Wednesday afternoon, this time in Oklahoma, in the case of Richard Glossip. Like Gissendaner, Glossip wasn't convicted of doing the actual killing. The man who actually murdered the victim, Justin Sneed, is (SURPRISE!) doing life in prison because he turned on Glossip. But the super fun part of this one -- and by "super fun," we mean to say that we're sick to our stomach writing this, and Kaili had better assign us a puppy video to write about after this -- is that Glossip may very well be completely innocent!

Richard Glossip, whose supporters include "Dead Man Walking" nun Helen Prejean and actress Susan Sarandon, is due to be put to death at 3 p.m. CT if his appeals are rejected. He insists that he is innocent in the 1997 murder of his boss, Barry Van Treese.

In a letter to Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin dated Sept. 21, the pope's representative asked her to commute Glossip's death sentence, saying that would "give clearer witness to the value and dignity of every person's life."

A spokeswoman for Fallin said she does not have the authority to commute the sentence. The letter was also sent to the state parole board. [...]

The defense says it has witnesses who back up their claim that Sneed acted alone, and that the state has tried to intimidate those witnesses by hitting them with probation violations.

So it sounds like there are at least enough questions out there to MAYBE wait, before doing the American-style bloodlust death thing? Nah, Mary Fallin can't be fucking bothered with it, and also, like most Republican governors, she just really loves killing people, even when the lethal injection drugs are so fucked up, they cause the victims untold pain and suffering before they finally die. And, LOL!, Mary Fallin seems to have authority over the death penalty in her state when mean courts are trying to PREVENT them from murdering somebody, as opposed to the other way around. Maybe Mary Fallin is just a fuck-faced heartless cock or something. Or maybe she also thinks killing people is the real "pro-life" thing to do.

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In his address to Congress, Pope Francis said this:



An in response, America said "Yeah, that was about abortion, probably," sat its fat fucking ass back down on the couch, and waited eagerly, sporting a leaking erection, for news of the executioner's latest successful kill.

[NBC / Fox 5 Atlanta / NBC again]

Evan Hurst


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