Monday, August 11, 2008

Tuesday Night Date, and time bridge

So, after all the random shenanigans with Kim, we went go-karting last Tuesday night. My mission was simple: damage control.

I talked to a few people, and they think I made her feel uncomfortable on our last date, and that's why she flaked out on me the next time. I had a mission that in this date, I was going to not push things physically, and build some comfort. I wanted to show her that I don't just want her for her body, I genuinely like her as a person, which I truly do.

We met up at the go-kart place and I bought two "unlimited passes" for $10 each. We stayed in line and we chatted, kept the conversation light and fun. I used the masturbating in the shower joke, she pretended like she wasn't amused, but I knew she found it funny, and I transitioned into a DHV story about my career and travel experiences - "Come on, the least you can do is a courtesy laugh. The last time I got a courtesy laugh was when I giving a presentation in a board room in Manhattan, ..."

About 30 minutes later, we got to ride the go-kart, mine was all the way at the back and my kart was significantly slower, and I went all the way through without seeing her. We decided to go one more time, and kept on chatting about more stuff. During this chat, she chatted about drinking, and said something like "I think while drunk, we do things we wanted to do anyway, we just don't think of the consequences as much", and she looked fairly serious about it. I lighted up the mood with "Yeah, totally, the next time I get drunk and fuck a goat, we all know that I am secretly attracted to goats, but now I got an excuse to fuck them". She called me a "goat fucker", I said something like "Oh yeah, totally, now that I think about it, you DO look like a goat, I'd totally fuck ya." We kept on joking some more.

We got to ride the go-kart again. She was one kart in front of me, but I got a kart that's somewhat faster now. I felt like I caught up with her really quickly. I don't know if she deliberately let me do that or if my kart really was a lot quicker. I bumped her out of the way in one turn and got in front of her, and I slowed down a bit to let her pass me. I then bumped her out of the way again and got in front of her. Of course, I let her pass me again, so it would almost feel like a true "competition". The 3rd time I bumped her out of the way in a turn, I spun her kart out and she was side ways against a railing, and I stopped behind her. The employee pushed her kart off the railing, and told everyone to go slow into spot where we get off the kart, because it was the last lap. Afterwards, we had a playful argument about who won.
Kim: I passed you twice and didn't have to cheat and bump into you like you did to me
Me: Doesn't matter, I still won
Kim: No, I finished in front of you
Me: That's only cuz I'm such a nice guy and waited on you when you span out
Kim: And who's fault is that, that I span out?
etc, etc, etc.

Afterwards, we went to I-hop down the road to grab desert. She talked about going out of town that coming weekend, which sucked because I was going to time-bridge into another date for that coming Friday night, to attempt to get intimate with her again after building more comfort. After desert, I drove her back to her car. We chatted outside a little more, leaning against my car. I built more comfort by talking about some deeper, "real", subjects. We chatted about whether we watch TV or read before going to sleep, what we think about after we turn off the light/TV, the 30 seconds to 5 minutes before actually falling asleep, "what ifs" in life and where our life would be if we made a different 50/50 major decision earlier on in our lives, etc.

During our chat, I positioned her in different spots. We started chatting when we both were leaning on my car, she was on the right side of me, looking in the same direction as I was. Later on, I pulled her in closer to me, and put my right arm around her, then as we chatted about more stuff, built more comfort, I pulled her off my car, positioned her in front of me but still facing the same direction so I'm leaned up against my car behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, and we kept on chatting. It's somewhat weird, she didn't have any reactions no matter what I did. She didn't seem uncomfortable or comfortable with either, she almost seemed emotionless. I then turned her around, and gave her a kiss on the lips. She gave me a short pecking-like kiss, but then leaned her head back, almost like she's got problems with intimacy. I wished her a good night, and wish her to have a good time out of town that coming weekend. I ended the date with "I'll give you a call sometime next week."

The following Saturday afternoon, I sent her a "non-needy" (in my own opinion, of course) text message just to keep the line of communication going - "This is such bs, stuck in line at atm behind a lady taking forever at the register and playing with her baby at the same time". I thought she'd be amused and reply with something like "haha" or something, but I didn't get a reply back.

I called her Sunday night to make some plans for mid-week. My rational was to reach her early so she doesn't plan anything yet, and get it by mid-week so I can schedule another date Friday night and make a move on her without it being "the next day". I called her at 8:30, she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a message. She called me back an hour later, I was on the phone and didn't pick up, she left a message saying "Hey, saw a missed call from you, bye". I called her back 10 minute after that and she answered.
Me: What's going on
Kim: Nothing really, how are you?
Me: I'm awesome, had fun on your trip?
Kim: Yeah, it was really fun, we just got back, and I'm really tired
Me: Glad you girls had fun. How long was the drive? 4-5 hours?
Kim: Yeah, about that, I know, I'm a wimp
Me: Yeah, totally. Did you drive, or did a friend drive? You have absolutely no reason to be tired if your friend drove
Kim: I drove
Me: Fine, I guess you can be tired driving then. Got plans Wed night?
Kim: Not that I know of
Me: Let's grab some Pho, have you ever had Vietnamese noodle soup?
Kim: No, I haven't.
Me: It's pronounced Fe in Vietnamese, but since we're Americans, we'll call it Fo.
Kim: [slight laugh, giggle]
Me: Let's plan on that Wed night around 7-7:30ish, cool?
Kim: Okay
Me: What works better for you? You dropping by my place and we'll drive there together? Or me texting you the address, you Mapquest it, and we meet there?
Kim: Well, I just turned off my text messaging plan last week, so texting won't work anymore.
Me: So you didn't get my text message yesterday?
Kim: No
Me: Yeah, I randomly texted you cuz I was stuck in line in an ATM with a lady playing with her baby taking forever. Do you still remember where I live?
Kim: I think so
Me: Awesome, let's plan on meeting at my place around 7-7:30ish, and we'll go grab food together.
Kim: Okay
Me: Cool, have a good night.

That was Sunday night, and it's currently Monday. Only time will tell if she flakes out again.

Things I did well:
  • On the date - created more fun conversations
  • On the date - built lots of comfort

Things I question about:
  • When she talks about drinking and doing things we truly wanted to do, was she referring to the Friday night date when we semi-hooked up, and we both had drinks?
  • Her lack of body language when I hold her in different positions, neither positive nor negative, neither nervousness or comfort. What was that about?
  • Her turning off her text messaging service on her phone - real or random lie?
  • Did I seem too needy or AFC-ish after the date? I said "I'd call her sometime next week" Tuesday night, and I texted her on Saturday and called her on Sunday.
  • Should I have played more games, even though we've known each other for a while already? Should I have waited an hour to call her back because she waited an hour to call me back? Instead of asking her if she got plans Wed night, should I have said "I got some plans Monday and Tuesday night, but let's get together Wednesday night if you're free"?


captain obvious to the rescue! said...

oh where to begin...

Let's start here:
In the intro, you talk about doing 2 things - damage control and steering away from being physical. Initially, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you're not trying to be physical. I know you certainly didn't sell me on that point.

Proceed a little further and you're already telling [really bad] masturbation jokes and begging for laughs. You even linked to the joke! First point here is that masturbation jokes are NEVER (and I really do mean NEVER) acceptable on dates. You get to that genre (sexual) of jokes after you've known someone for a few years or at the very minimum a few months. Next point - clearly if you have to ask for're not funny.

Moving right along...goat fucking. This topic is questionable even as a joke between grade-school buddies. The fact that you even thought about goat fucking while you were sober is just creepy. The fact that you brought it up and tried to joke about it on a DATE is just perverted and disgusting.

Barring the fact you've already made 2 very terrible and highly inappropriate SEXUAL jokes - you tried to touch and kiss this girl! How exactly does this fall into your "not getting physical plan"? I'm pretty sure her pulling away is indicative of her NOT being into your not-so-not-really-being physical-plan. [SIDE NOTE: you took her to IHOP...most people don't even go there when they're smashed to bits - gross dude]

Let's move on to the text messaging. Your attempt at keeping open the lines of communication was piss-poor. The only thing you did with your very random comment [which I'm sure you thought was pure genious and funny] is make her think that you're not into families and children. Way to go. Her lack of response...COULD be because she cancelled her text messaging plan. I like to think she cancelled her plan because of YOUR message.

I hate to be Captain Obvious here...but since I am. I'll answer all of your post blog questions: SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

If you're just after some ass - go to a club and let a girl know. There are plenty of trashy girls out there who are simple-minded enough not to care about having to chew their arm off the next morning. If you're really looking for something as serious and meaningful as a real relationship involving love - you need to rethink every aspect of your life. Seeking the help of a professional trained in mental health issues wouldn't be a bad idea either.

Good luck with your future endeavors!

...Captain Obvious...signing off!!!

Jeremy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ambience said...

Cap Obv:

Appreciate the brutal honesty. You're totally correct about me breaking my own "damage control" mentality, but from the advice of a few PUA's out there, their recommendations were "damage control, but build Kino if possible", and that's what I did at the end of the date.

I'm all about some random sex jokes. "Not being inappropriate" is AFC mentality, one that yields to building "affection" as the "nice guy" to bore the girl into liking you. If you're okay with the Steve Urkel mentality, that's great, but not me.

And you might be right, she just might not be into me. If that's the case, then shit happens. I'll get over it, and before I do, I'll keep pushing till she feels uncomfortable, and push 20% more.

Ambience said...

Jeremy's Comment:

"[Ambiance], I just came back from a meeting in [City] and I met the goat you've been doing. "He" (I want to accentuate that point as you are apparently not only into animals, but the same sex of animals) says you have bad breath and a small penis.

That very well might be Kim's assessment. My recommendation? Breath mints and a penis pump.

Good luck."

To Jeremy:
Sorry had to delete original comment, too much personal info.

PS: Glad you met my goat. :)