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Thursday, March 17, 2011

V 2x10 - "Mother's Day"

"Mother's Day" was the best episode of V ever - because it was utterly, shamelessly hilarious. I mean, if any part of the episode involved kids on a school bus, V would deserve the moniker of "The Funniest Field Trip of the Year!" by Michael Cole.

Remember the episode of WWE Monday Night RAW 10 years ago when ECW and WCW joined forces as the Alliance, laid waste to the WWF, and introduced Stephanie McMahon as the new owner of ECW, blowing off several weeks worth of angles in one episode? "Mother's Day" was kind of like that. Because their initial 13 episode season 2 order was cut down to 10 episodes by ABC, V's producers decided to cram a bunch of stuff they hadn't done in the previous 9 episodes of dicking around story-wise into the final 42 minutes. As a result, the laughs kept on coming.

Here are the highlights:

1) The Fifth Column was contacted by Diana, still hanging out in the bowels of the New York Mothership. Diana and Lisa are in cahoots plotting to overthrow Anna and restore Diana as Queen. So here's the brilliant plan the Fifth Column came up with to take out Anna:

A phony kidnapping.

That's right, they cribbed right out of the Homer Simpson and Rodney Dangerfield playbook with Anna as Mr. Burns. The Fifth Column pretended to kidnap Lisa, whom they smuggled out of the V ship in a coffin like she was the Undertaker from 1991. The plan was to lure Anna into an empty warehouse where Lisa would then kill her mother. How? By shooting her with a gun of course!

So Anna plays the worried mother to the public and actually goes to the warehouse and frees Lisa. Lisa then sneakily pulls a gun on her while her back is turned. Anna sees this in the reflection of a mirror in front of her - which Lisa does not see - and knows her daughter has betrayed her. Anna, being the smartest character on the show, decides to act all emotional and gives an impassioned speech to Lisa about how she's learned the value of human emotions and the human soul - which she has spent all season trying to eliminate - and hugs Lisa. Lisa falls for it, hides the gun, and hugs her loving mother back, unaware of the sneaky smile on Anna's face.

Lisa is too stupid to be queen.

What failed to happen after Anna and Lisa emerged together unharmed was the FBI and the Visitors drinking and partying while "Any Way You Want It" played. "It's a party! It doesn't have to make sense!" Instead Erica yells at Lisa for not killing her mother in full view of everyone but no one apparently hears her.

2) Back on the mothership, Ryan and Joshua free Diana from her basement prison. Instead of leaving the ship, Diana commands, "Assemble my people!" Then lickety split, she's on a stage surrounded on all sides by adoring Vs who aren't the least bit surprised their Queen they thought dead for 15 years is now giving a speech in front of them. While she's speechifying, apparently Anna, Marcus and Lisa were able to enter the chamber and sneak up behind her without anyone noticing. Anna unleashes her Prehensile Tail of Doom and IMPALES DIANA, holding her body up in the air and then tossing her corpse down! Diana is dead! Nine episodes of standing in the basement then she's dead! Thanks for coming, Jane Badler!

Then Anna turns to Lisa and rasps: "THAT'S HOW YOU KILL YOUR MOTHER!" Hilarious. I could have died laughing myself. Best moment in the history of the new V.

Regicide and matricide all at once!

But they weren't done yet.

3) Ryan sees the murder of Diana and says, "I gotta gets out of here. Feets, don't fail me now!" But first, he's got to find Amy, his hybrid daughter, who's now rapidly aged to about 7 or 8. Amy thinks Anna is her mother and Ryan, her father, is just some dude who leaves all the time. So she doesn't want to go anywhere with him. When he insists, Amy unleashes her Prehensile Tail of Doom, wraps it around her daddy's neck and squeezes until he's dead!

Patricide! All in the span of 10 minutes!

4) Anna has one last Queen egg that can hatch a new daughter to replace the one who's betrayed her. It hatches and we see a V in it's full reptilian form for the very first time. It looks a'it. Anna orders: "Give her human skin! Make her look just like Lisa!"

Oh ho. Ho ho ho. And I mean ho.

Lisa 2 now appears (Homer would call her Lisa Jr. and so will I) and Anna gives her new daughter her marching orders: "Go have sex with Tyler!"

Tyler had been told by Erica that the Vs were really reptiles, but he works for them as a shuttle pilot with a bad haircut now, so he doesn't know what to believe. He goes to find Lisa, finds Lisa Jr. waiting for him in a silk robe on her bed all sexy-like, and he loses interest in questions when all she wants is sexy sexin'.

Meanwhile, the original dumb as nails Lisa is being held in the bowels of the ship Diana used to live in. Anna comes down and lays down her punishment for betrayal: YOU MUST NOW WATCH MY NEW DAUGHTER WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU FUCK YOUR DUMB AS FUCK HUMAN BOYFRIEND!

And she does. She watches the whole thing as Lisa Jr. rides Tyler cowgirl. And then, instead of a cigarette post-doin' it, Lisa Jr. opens up her reptile mouth AND RIPS TYLER'S THROAT OUT WITH HER TEETH! YES! TYLER'S DEAD!

What's the 'cide' word for killing your reptile clone sister's human boyfriend? There isn't one? Someone invent it, stat.

Three fantastically funny major character deaths in the space of 20 minutes!

4) Erica has been secretly watched by her bosses in the FBI and they're now sure she's part of the Fifth Column. So they kidnap her in her house and bring her to a Super Secret Headquarters Miles Underneath New York City. This is the base of Project Ares, and their boss is MARC SINGER! Erica learns that Project Ares has been working against the Vs for years - yet they did nothing to help the endless bungling of the Fifth Column.

5) Anna decides now that she actually likes human emotion, she should use her Bliss to control not just the Vs but every person on Earth. Except doing so literally makes her eyes bleed. Still, an evil Queen's gotta try. So she gets in her sexy Blissin' robe and tries to Bliss the whole planet. But she can't, her eyes are bleeding, and she's gonna die. Then Amy comes in and she has Bliss too! And Amy Blisses the entire planet. Every person is now under V control, including Father Jack (but apparently not anyone in Project Ares in a Super Secret Headquarters Miles Underneath New York City.) So get this: Amy and Anna, who each just murdered a parent, just Blissed humanity. (I'm all for being Blissed by Anna, but if you ask me, I don't wanna be Blissed by a pre-teen. Am I right, fellas?)

6) The season (series?) ends the same way season one ended, with a bunch of Visitor ships hanging out above Earth waiting for... SEASON 3! Will the Vs wait forever?