A script based on the ongoing Fyre Festival shenanigans is here, and it includes the beautiful turn of phrase "Peter Park-your ass in that sand and shut the fuck up." Jordan VanDina, a writer on SuperMansion and the forthcoming Viceland series What Would Diplo Do, shared the 32-page script for Lord of the Fyre on Twitter this weekend and it's appropriately making the rounds.

As expected, this thing is fucking great. Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, Kendall Jenner, David Blaine, Pitbull, that guy who used to host Apprentice, and—of course—Ja Rule all make memorable appearances in VanDina's opus. Blink-182, who canceled their previously scheduled performance at the festival just ahead of all possible shit hitting every available fan, also show up during a particularly tense standoff between DiCaprio and Ja Rule that only a savory can of name-brand soda can reasonably solve.

VanDina is also known for spending entire weekends penning modern classics like The Bowling Green Massacre, 21 Trump Street, and the particularly superb Fieri Road: The Course Awakens. VanDina's latest classic can be enjoyed right here.


Hilariously, Seth Rogen and the Lonely Island crew were already developing a movie about a music festival that goes "horribly wrong" prior to the Fyre fuckery. "For real," @thelonelyisland said on Twitter last Friday. "Thinking about suing #FyreFestival for stealing our idea."

In the meantime, who's down for Fyre Festival 2018?