Friday, December 2, 2016

Top 15 Worst Films of 2016 (That I Saw):

Another year, another incredibly batch of bad movies...

1. Fifty Shades Of Black: a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey, the absolute worst type of parody ever. There is literally zero humour and an excess of offensive racial situations. (director: Michael Tiddes)

2. Yoga Hosers: a spin-off from Smith’s deplorable Tusk—which leads to another question-- why was a spin-off needed—this time we’re assailedby Johhny Depp and little sausages. I kid you the fuck not. (director: Kevin Smith)

3. Nine Lives: follows a workaholic father who has his mind trapped inside of his daughter's new cat. Yup, that’s how badly in shambles Spacey’s film career is in apparently. (director: Barry Sonnenfeld)

4. Army Of One: based on the real-life situation of a man who traveled to Pakistan looking for Osama bin Laden. Besides, you can’t have a worst films year-end list without perennial fave Nicholas Cage. (director: Larry Charles)

5. Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies: a group of young snowboarders get stuck in a remote mountain ski resort, with toxic zombie people and animals on the prowl. Irredeemable shit this. (director: Dominik Hartl)

6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows: Shredder is back to wreck more damage. Big yawn. (director: Dave Green)

7. Boo! A Madea Halloween: this tiresome phenom continues inexplicably. (director: Tyler Perry)

8. Norm Of The North: it’s rare an animated film flops this hard but there are gross exceptions to every rule. (director: Trevor Wall)

9. The Boy: predictable and lacking any suspense, The Boy would be totally more laughable if its British setting hadn’t been incorporated. (director: William Brent Bell)

10. Ride Along 2: Kevin Hart puts his annoying persona on full blast. (director: Tim Story)

11. The Do-Over: Sandler and Spade steal the wrong identities in this lifeless attempt at comedy. (director: Steven Brill)

12. Independence Day: Resurgence: twenty years after the attack, we learn it was caused by a single female alien---who is clumsily taken down at the end of this tragically-executed film. (director: Roland Emmerich)

13. Gods Of Egypt: yet another inadequate film about mythological gods battling to see who has the bigger penis. (director: Alex Proyas)

14. Cell: a stupid concept stupidly playing out. (director: Tod Williams)

15. Suicide Squad: Viola Davis rarely ends up in a bad film but everything around her stumbles in this pity project. (director: David Ayer)