


Recorded February 23, 2019 in Montreal


Producer: Hannah Besseau

Hosts: Jason C. McLean and Dawn McSweeney


Microphone image: Ernest Duffoo / Flickr Creative Commons

It’s the New Year and if you are like many people you have reflected on the last year and made promises to yourself about the upcoming one. But if you’re like most people, you will find that your New Years resolutions won’t last beyond a few weeks. So why do New Year’s resolutions not last long?

Well its simple, when the New Year begins it’s easy to make ambitious goals, but the hard part is following through. This is because people make resolutions that are not easily achievable.

There is nothing wrong with making goals about planning on losing weight, saving money, making new friends or whatever they may be. The problem is how you go about it. For instance, instead of making a resolution to lose 50 pounds, plan to lose ten by a certain date and another five by another date.

By making little goals you are more likely to meet your ultimate goal. Instead of making a resolution to save thousands of dollars, make a plan to save smaller amounts of money in order to make your long-term goal. Once you have achieved the smaller goal it will be easier to achieve the long-term goals that you have set out for yourself.

Normally when people make ambitious goals and fail, they abandon all their other goals as well. This is why its best to make smaller goals so you can see the process you have made and get the motivation you need to continue with what you started.

Another way to keep focused is by creating a goal board. This is where you write down or illustrate things you would like to accomplish and achieve. You can draw pictures on a blank canvas, cut pictures out of magazines or write down your goals. How you do it is not important, making sure the goal board is somewhere visible in your home to remind you of your goals and expectations for the year ahead is. This will help you stay focused on your goals and resolutions.

Finally, if you tell your friends and family what your goals are, they may be able to motivate you to help keep you on track. They can give you tips, motivation or little words of advice when you’re having a downtime.

Keep focused and Happy New Year! Let’s make those resolutions count!

* Featured image by Creativity + Timothy K. Hamilton via Flickr Creative Commons

It’s the holidays and that means food, family, and tons more ways to get into trouble. I’m here to help.

This article is going to be a guide on how to get through the holidays with the least amount of damage to your life, property, and freedom. For the purposes of this article, the laws mentioned will pertain primarily to Montreal. Check online for your city’s particular rules and regulations.

Let’s start with fires

Between cooking accidents, overloaded sockets, and highly flammable wrapping paper, the risk of fires is higher around the holiday season. There is also the matter of fireplaces, which I will tackle first.

In the City of Montreal it is no longer legal to use fireplaces and other solid-fuel-burning devices. Those who wanted to keep using their fireplaces had until October 1, 2018 to have them modified to conform to certain environmental standards. Those who have not and still use their fireplaces in the City face stiff fines.

Now let’s tackle the kinds of fires that could happen and what to do about them. It should go without saying that you should keep your smoke alarms on and with fresh batteries. It should also go without saying that if a fire is particularly large you’re better off calling 911. If it’s something you think you can handle, here’s how.

Grease fire

This is the kind of fire that generally happens on the stove when oil gets too hot. The quickest and best way to put out such a fire is to smother it. That means covering the pot or pan with a lid or other pot big enough to cut off the fire’s oxygen supply, making it die out.

Electrical fire

Electrical fires are common during the holidays due to overloaded sockets and powerbars. If there’s an electrical fire, turn off the device and unplug it, then smother the fire with a blanket or use a Type C fire extinguisher.

DO NOT USE WATER TO PUT OUT GREASE OR ELECTRICAL FIRES. Water conducts electricity, thus putting you at risk of an electrical shock. Using water to put out a grease fire can cause the oil to splash, thus spreading the fire.

When to use water?

Trash fires.

If it’s your Christmas tree that caught fire, determine the nature of the fire and go from there. The bigger the fire, the better off you are calling 911.

Once the fire is out, open as many windows as you can to get the smoke out and turn on a fan to help it along if you have one.

Now let’s talk about alcohol

Family time will undoubtedly lead to an increase in alcohol consumption so to reduce the risk of deaths on the road, we need to talk about Canada’s drunk driving laws.

As it stands the legal blood alcohol limit is eighty milligrams of alcohol in every hundred milliliters of blood. Driving with a blood alcohol level over this limit is a criminal offence.

The government recently updated its drunk driving laws and they are now stricter than ever.

Under the new law the police can demand a breathalyzer test from anyone they pull over (the fact that this will likely exacerbate racial profiling by the police is another can of worms altogether). Those who refuse to take the breathalyzer test can be charged with impaired driving.

In addition, the Bolus defense – a defense by which you can raise a reasonable doubt as to whether you were driving impaired by arguing that you had just consumed the alcohol and therefore had not absorbed it enough to be impaired – is no longer a viable defense in drunk driving cases.

Refusing to take a breathalyzer test comes with a fine of two thousand dollars for a first offense. A first offense for driving over the legal limit comes with fines ranging from a thousand to twenty-five hundred dollars depending on how high your blood alcohol concentration was above the legal limit. Subsequent offenses lead to automatic jail time.

That said, drink responsibly. If you’re drunk, sleep at a friend’s house, get a lift, or take a taxi or Uber. If you insist on going home that night, call Operation Red Nose at 514-256-2510. They’ll send a volunteer to drive you home. If you’re a woman, best to take a cab or Uber with someone you know given the risk of sexual assaults by drivers and how little the police have taken them seriously in the past.

Speaking of sexual assault…

It’s time to talk about consent

Between the booze, the Mistletoe, and New Year’s Eve, the risk of sexual assault is high, so here’s a reminder of how consent works – though I find it utterly tragic that I need to keep issuing these reminders.

Consent is defined as the voluntary agreement to engage in the sexual activity in question.

Consent can be withdrawn at any time. That means that if – for example – your partner wants to stop and you keep going regardless, the sexual encounter is no longer consensual and becomes sexual assault.

There is no consent if the person is too young, too drunk, or unconscious. If the person is consenting to something drunk that they wouldn’t have consented to sober, they are probably in no position to consent. If you have any doubts, DON’T do it.

You’re not only fucking someone over physically and psychologically, you risk bringing in the New Year with a charge of sexual assault.

Last but not least, if you feel compelled to use fireworks on New Year’s Eve, do so responsibly. Every New Year’s Day reports storm in of people blowing their fingers off and setting fires because they didn’t know how to use the pyrotechnics they bought for the occasion. Check your city’s by-laws on fireworks use, read and follow the instructions on all the fireworks you buy, and don’t light anything while impaired.

Happy Holidays Everyone! Play Safe!

* Featured Image by Joe Buckingham via WikiMedia Commons

It’s supposed to be the happiest time of the year. The lights are flashing, the Christmas trees are up and everyone is generally in a great spirit.

Most of us reflect with family and friends about how grateful we are that we have them in our lives. We sing Christmas Carols, drink Eggnog and have a big feast.

However, there something no one wants to talk about that also happens during the holidays. It’s the Christmas Blues.

A lot of people struggle with deep depression and anxiety during this time of year. Whether it’s the stress of Christmas shopping or the sadness of not having loved ones around, Christmas time can be stressful and, sadly, depressing for many people.

So why are people so depressed at Christmas? Well, the answer is there is no straight answer. For some people it can be a mood disorder brought on by the changing seasons, for others, it’s the pressures of financial hardship and expectations that are brought on by the holidays.

Seasonal depression is a very real disorder. In fact, there is a name for it: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This can be so serious that it can cripple people’s quality of life. Some spend long hours in bed, overeat and have other serious symptoms.

However, if you or someone you know suffers from this, there are a number of treatments that can help overcome this depression, such as artificial exposure to sunlight, counselling with a psychiatrist and medication.

If your depression is brought on due to financial hardship, you are not alone. Christmas is the season where consumers rack up more debt on their credit cards than any other time of the year. It’s easy to see how people can fall down the rabbit hole of debt.

It’s important to remember that it’s the thought that counts. Putting yourself in debt is not worth the long-term financial stress over one day.

If you are depressed because you can’t see your family or you’re not able to be with them for any number of reasons, try and keep your self busy by volunteering at your local food kitchens or helping others less fortunate than you. There are studies that show that keeping busy can help you get out of a potential depression.

So, this holiday season try and keep your head up and try not to let the Christmas Blues get you down. Featured image by Randi Hausken, via WikiMedia Commons

* Featured image by Randi Hausken, via WikiMedia Commons

It is an unspoken truth that anyone who chooses not to live as a hermit is going to have to deal with neighbors.

Young people know them as the grouchy old people who call the cops on all their parties. Old people often see them as a source of noise. In the best cases, people can live next door or in the same neighborhood or building without ever having to involve a landlord, a lawyer, or the cops.

This article is not about that. I am here to talk about the worst neighbor behavior.

Ideally you should always confront an offending neighbor and try to settle things amicably. If you are afraid of going about your daily life due to their behavior, it’s time to swallow any fear about confrontation and speak to them.

If that fails, here are some common neighbor problems and what to do about them. Please note that the municipal laws mentioned are strictly for Montreal, so if you live elsewhere, you will have to consult your own city’s bylaws for some of these.


It should be said that not all noise complaints are valid. If you live near a commercial street with bars, clubs, theatres, or restaurants, you should expect a fair amount of noise around your home.

It must also be said that some people phone in noise complaints for purely vindictive reasons because they’ve decided they don’t like their neighbors and want to make it impossible for them to entertain guests or listen to music in their homes. Take comfort in the fact that people who make those kinds of complaints do so often and are unlikely to be taken seriously by police.

If you call 311 – the City of Montreal’s information hotline – they’ll tell you that you cannot make a noise complaint between 7 am and 11 pm. Unfortunately, that’s not true, so be prepared to argue about it.

Most municipal bylaws assess noise complaints based on a question of reasonability.

Let’s say a rich neighbor is making cosmetic renovations to the outside of his home, the work has been going on every day from eight am to six pm for over a month and the workers aren’t using any sort of muffling equipment on their noisy machinery. That’s clearly an unreasonable amount of noise. Call 911 and complain. They’ll send the cops to put your selfish neighbor in their place.

Now imagine living in an apartment building where your upstairs neighbor sings opera loudly late at night and it’s lovely… But only if you’re a horny cat seeking a mate. If you can’t get them to quiet down directly, speak to your landlord. As a tenant you are entitled to “peaceable enjoyment of the premises” and an extremely noisy neighbor would violate that.

To make sure your landlord gets notice of the problem, you may have to send them a formal letter via registered mail (be sure to keep the receipt for the Rental Board). In said letter, give the landlord a reasonable amount of time to fix the problem – say eight days.

If your landlord refuses to deal with it and the matter is serious enough, you can take action with the Quebec Rental Board, which generally rules in favor of tenants. They can force your landlord to reduce your rent, let you claim damages from the landlord, or in the worst case, cancel your lease.

Before phoning in a complaint, ask yourself if the complaint is reasonable and consider the consequences. Some complaints against businesses can result in fines that can ultimately destroy them. A tragic example is Divan Orange, a beloved showbar in the Plateau that had to close its doors when the fines it incurred because of noise complaints from neighbors crushed it financially.

Harassment, Peeping, and Other Privacy and Safety Violations

This is a problem that particularly affects women, people of colour, and sexual and religious minorities. Neighbors can make your life a living hell if they find you sexually attractive or have some idiotic and highly toxic notions about your people. Fortunately, in Canada there’s more than one way to address the problem.

Take the case of Elie El-Chakieh and Hellen Christodoulou, a couple of engineers who moved into a home in Laval. Initially their relationship with their neighbor, Daniel Noel, was civil, but it quickly devolved over mutual complaints of bylaw violations. Instead of handling things like an adult, Noel’s behavior quickly became toxic and he began engaging in racial harassment against El-Chakieh, who is of Lebanese descent.

Noel also accused El-Chakieh of spousal abuse, and of being a pedophile. He called the RCMP and immigration to find out the couple’s immigration status, and even contacted their professional orders and academic institutions to try and discredit them professionally.

El-Chakieh and Christodoulou decided to sue. On April 22, 2018, a Superior Court judge ordered Noel to pay them $50 000 in damages, calling his behavior “low, vile and repugnant.”

That said, suing isn’t your only option. You can also file a complaint with the Quebec Human Rights Commission which is charged – along with the Human Rights Tribunal – with enforcing the Quebec Charter of Rights. If your neighbor is hurling slurs at you and engaging in other harassment based on your race, religion, or gender, give the Commission a call and file a complaint. If they think your complaint is serious enough they’ll launch their own investigation and possibly bring your case to the Tribunal to seek “any appropriate measure against the person or to demand, in favour of the victim, any measure it considers appropriate at that time.” (section 80 of the Quebec Charter).

Now let’s say you have a neighbor who constantly makes lewd comments about you, asks invasive inappropriate questions about personal matters, peeps into your windows, or has a creepy tendency to always be nearby when you leave or come home.

If you’re a woman living alone, you have every reason to consider this kind of behavior to be a threat to your safety. Fortunately, the behavior falls under the Criminal Code’s definition of harassment which can include:

  • Following you from place to place
  • Repeatedly communicating with you directly or indirectly, or communicating with people who know you
  • Watching your dwelling or place where you work, carry on business or happen to be

If a neighbor does this, call the police. Keep track of any proof you can. If he sends texts or emails, save them. Film him watching you. Take photos of him peeping. If convicted, the neighbor in question is facing at least six months in jail or a five thousand dollar fine, and at most ten years in prison.

Property Disputes

Property disputes can be summed up with two words: land and money.

Let’s say you have a neighbor who is stubbornly claiming that their property line ends fifty feet onto what you believe is yours.

The solution? Hire a surveyor.

A land surveyor will check public records and maps to confirm the correct property lines and for an extra fee they’ll put down stakes or a button in the land indicating the boundary between each property. Feel free to claim half the surveyor’s fee from your neighbor.

Which brings us to money disputes, which often come in the form of arguments about shared expenses, such as that of hiring a land surveyor, or clearing snow from a shared driveway. The solution: hire a lawyer and let them tough it out with your neighbor.

If the money your neighbor is claiming is less than fifteen thousand dollars, you can fight it out in small claims court. The clerk of the Court of Quebec now offers a service either by phone or in person to assist people to preparing to face off in small claims.

In an ideal world, neighbors would be the kind who bring you soup when you’re sick and always have milk and sugar to lend you in a pinch. In the real world you need to remember that you have legal ways to nip the worst neighbor behavior in the bud. Use them when you need them.

Facebook graveyard got me down today…

Fuck, I keep inviting Tim to events
I always did before because I knew he would be there
Wet dreamland with that military s&m hat and sunglasses
Carebear onesie or cats in space

I have a hard time grasping that he is gone
doesn’t make sense
a world without Blue Lazer
is a strange sad place

A place of mystery

Where we are all connected

I coughed at the same time as the woman across the street
splashing in snow puddles like a little kid
take more walks
meet more cool dogs
smile at people
small acts of love count

Today i saw a man that I shared a donut with
it was vegan gluten free
sweet wheels of bliss, sugar packed confection perfection
or filled to capacity with something creamy or stickily sweet treat.
Get it all over your fingers and lick it off,
can’t miss one delectable bite.
Diabetic nightmare but the rest of us just don’t care.
Sweet sex in your mouth.

I brought them to my friend the Ice Dragon
we were supposed to have an art day at sewing souls
but we were locked out
Our friend was supposed to let us in
but did not show
we wondered what happened

Now I know it was because Tim was already dead
he was in there alone
where did he go?
family worried and plotting his saving grace
Never again will we hear that voice
or see that smiling face

We sat outside in the snow and ate donuts together
new friends on a cold day with snow floating down
this man was supposed to fix a door
get back his saw
do a job
instead we bonded

While our sweet friend had already departed

It’s been weeks now, and I am not the same.

Today I was walking back from getting lunch with my partner
hot bar
cabbage rolls like my polish grammy made – just vegan this time
I needed to walk
feel the air and earth

He said “HEY” and I turned and smiled
He said “Yea, that made my day”

I remember him not accepting at first
like it would come with a consequence
friendship and compassion
and vegan gluten free donuts
should come with no strings attached

No hidden agenda
love loud and with everyone
give more
care bears onesies
kittens with pizza in space
I will never forget his face

Timfringement power
(Up there talking science with Stephen Hawking)














* Featured image by lucianvenutian via Wikimedia Commons

Its so easy to get stressed out when fighting with and/or god forbid in the process breaking up with your partner. You both think you are right. They said things they will probably regret later, calling you all the names in the book, and now accept no fucking blame for this whole thing. You look them in their stupid dumb ridiculous goofy beautiful fucking face and just want to smash it into oblivion.

In that moment it is hard to imagine how much you actually still love them because you are blinded by the rage of right now. It burns bright.

Please take a moment to ponder not killing them, step back. Be the stronger person and hold back your fierce rage fueled fury.

Although it seems like a not so gentle punch to the gut, a stinging slap in the face, or swift kick in the nuts would cause you instant satisfaction, you probably should take a step back and remember that you are both adults here. It is so healthy to express your emotions, even if it is uncomfortable, but do it with words and not fists. Violence is not the answer!

1. Breathe

Its always best to step back and breathe. Oxygen makes our brains work. Even chug a glass of water.

Make sure all of your things are lubed and ready to be wise. Get your body calm and relaxed.

Tension isn’t healthily for anyone. Stepping back and focusing on the in and out of your lungs will make you feel so much better.

2. Smoke a joint

After you take some deep breaths, breathe something else in. The best thing I can do to chill the fuck out is to smoke a little bit of sweet maryjane.

If this isn’t your cup of tea, well then have a cup of tea? I don’t know what to tell you, but weed is the number one killer of shitty feelings and bad arguments.

I feel 100% better about every situation when I light up. It’s like all my troubles melt away for that short second.

Offer the person you are fighting with a puff. Perhaps you will reach a resolution over this thoughtful peace pipe offering. You will both be more calm and collected.

3. Scream as loud as you can into the abyss

I once had a co-worker who would go into the back room and yell at the top of her lungs like she was on a roller coaster when a customer pissed her off. It is the best way to blow off steam.

Scream into the cave of infinity. It will feel like a thousand orgasms, releasing all the negativity into the world instead of yelling at a person. Primal scream therapy is real.

4. Eat dark chocolate

It is proven that chocolate triggers the same things in your brain as sex. Dark chocolate is really good for you, especially if it’s the vegan kind.

It is antioxidant rich and actually lowers your blood pressure. Also I read that you get higher if you eat it 40 minutes before you smoke weed, so maybe try this step before step #2.

5. Masturbate

Hate sex is one thing, but hate jerking off is a horse of a different color! Nothing is more stress releasing than diddling your own skittle.

Nobody knows what you want or need more than you baby! Everyone needs the good touch, especially when angry or emotional. Get that vibrator out and tell the world you are your own lover.

Masturbating is healthy and helps you with sexual discovery. Think about the random person in your sexy dream or that Greek god that you saw at the grocery store. Your hand or dildo is all you need to be happy. Independent bliss.

Other things I can think of are going to the beach or wherever your happy place is. Being in nature is so calming and grounding. It makes us remember how small we are.

Listen to music, the louder the better, and dance your ass off. Exercise, yoga, and cleaning are also positive ways to blow off negative energy.

Use the energy for good instead of evil. If distraction is your game then look at boobs on the internet, there are an endless supply.

I also like to write. Writing angry poetry is a great way to get over someone. Look up new adjectives to dislike them with.

Fuck that asshole and focus on the positive! Self love and care is what you need. Take time to think about how good the sun feels beating on your skin or how good it tastes to bite into a juicy tangerine.

Take a bath or get a massage. Think about the feeling you get right after a new hair cut or when you get a really good hug from someone.

Hold your head high and let your mind be free. Now that you are cool and collected you can turn the argument into a conversation, and if you get mad again, go back to #1 and start over.

* Featured Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis via Flickr Creative Commons

Think of bad relationships as faulty products. If a product malfunctions we complain and get our money back, write a review, and maybe even sue if it was really bad! When you complain about a bad product you suddenly find others that experienced what you did.

I opened a bottle of Sriracha hot sauce today and it exploded in my face causing temporary blindness and extreme discomfort. Luckily I was in a friggen science lab when it happened and was able to quickly flush my eyes with water to remove the rather hot and burny pepper sauce.

The pressure was so high it kept spewing out. Not the usual bottle I get, I was excited to try a different brand. A few had been purchased, it must be good, right? Clearly there was something wrong! It sounded like a gun shot when I opened it. What if it was a little kid or someone with a bad heart? Nobody should ever have to go through this again!

The song She Blinded Me With Science was in my head all day. Ironic AF, glad I am not blind. It really puts things in perspective. We are just a moment away from having our lives changed. You never know when things will happen. You can’t let things go without fixing the problem!

I called immediately and the customer service rep knew exactly what I was talking about, like “Oooo yea, exploding bottles, people call about that all the time. We are JUST the distributor though, not the ones who make it.” Pass the buck, not my problem.

The email on the bottle didn’t work, guess there are too many complaints!  You are the only phone number on there! Do you want to be associated with a dangerous product?

I was very lucky that I didn’t get seriously hurt. I took it back to store and got a refund. The manager took the remaining bottles off the shelf and will hopefully complain to his higher up.

Consumer accountability means SAY SOMETHING! Be the change- report things when there is a problem. Just like when anything bad happens, it is important to report it right away so it doesn’t happen again!

Same goes with rape- if it happens to you tell the world who did it to you to prevent it from happening again. He blinded you with violence. You will save someone from the torture and degradation you felt in this aggressor’s evil grasp!

Often times I see brave #metoo posts that are from a long time ago. While it is important to do it now and air the dirty laundry, doing so at the time may have stopped them from hurting even one more person.

If you are a survivor and you didn’t speak up at the time, remember that it’s still the agressor’s fault, not yours, so instead of beating yourself up over it, speak out now.

I know it is not easy to stand up. No one wants to think about something they would rather forget and risk not being believed. But, it is essential to stop the pain. You are not alone. There is a web or survivors who have your back!

I was just faced with a situation where i knew someone had raped one of my friends (like 100% proof) and he was selling shit at one of my shows. NO MORE! He is done in this town! He will never sell his crap at a show in my city and never rape another innocent person in his disgusting van ever again. Buffalo on blast. The world will know who you are, jerk off!

Don’t tell me she wanted it! Don’t say you were drinking too so it was ok, she was black out! That is never ok, how many others has he violated? How can he think that it’s ok to hurt people? He felt my hot breath on his ugly face when I told him off. It is important to SPEAK UP and tell people when you know something or someone is wrong.

I know that I have a gang of strong women ready to take him, and others like him, on and get them out. Law enforcement doesn’t work most of the time so we need to take matters into our own hands and alert our sisters. I wanted to drag him into the street and rip that shitty little beard off his face for what he did to her, but violence is never the answer. Peace, love, and spreading KNOWLEDGE.

Hold people accountable. DO NOT ENABLE! SILENCE IS ENABLING. Stop the cycle by standing up!

If nobody knows how can we stop it from happening again? You were not the first. It has probably happened before. Participate in online communities where women tell other women about abusers, then share stories about the same man or violater!

We need to help each other know who the douchebags are! It is important to make it known! They are your neighbors and friends! Some of them seem innocent but they are NOT! Serial killers have charm, you trust them until they murder you!

You can personally change the world by just speaking out against oppression. How many people must get hurt before it changes? Whether it’s a nice seeming friendly neighborhood rapist or a bottle of hot sauce prone to explosions we need to tell the world to watch out. Food recalls, car recalls, toys that kill kids, lead paint, mad cow, and other dangerous things that have been taken out of circulation due to people standing up.

Toyota just did a huge recall on cars because airbags weren’t going off. They found that out the hard way and someone got hurt, but we will never know that person’s name or how many were affected by the malfunction,

There have been many successful class action lawsuits but just as many settled out of court that we will never hear about. Silence is paid for. We know that this also happens with celebrity rape cases, but I urge all people to take the side of truth and justice over money.

Always chose people over profits and the well being of others over being scared quiet. There are white men in suits right now deciding if the money lost is more important than safety of consumers. It takes many complaints before a recall is made. It should only take one!

Big business makes bullshit that hurts the environment just like toxic masculinity makes men who can’t respect women. By speaking out and doing something we can shut down rapists, abusers, AND bad business practices.

You would not buy something off Amazon with only bad reviews just in the same way you would not go on a date with someone who was put on social media blast for sexual misconduct. It’s incredible what kind of change people are capable of by just standing up.

Communication is the key to success, they why is it so hard sometimes? It’s a rusty skeleton key. Say what you are feeling and you will feel better. Tell them what you want or you are never going to get it. Ask, and you shall receive. Listen to your heart, but more importantly listen closely to what others are saying, you are not the center of the universe.

Kindness is sharing time and being compassionate, spreading more than just your legs, scattering radical love and positivity. Be open with your emotions, feeling is important, even the deepest hurt is temporary.

There is a love waiting for you, this unrequited veil will pass in the night without much notice. But remember, even the highest high is also temporary. Hold the good times close. Make art about them. Keep them in your heart for those cloudy days of old age.

Be an active listener by being patient and attentive. Look them in the eyes. Stop texting your arguments and actually have them.

Take action. Get in the car. Go to Mardi Gras. Kiss the girl. Kiss her in the rain, kiss her in the tent as it’s about to blow away, kiss her in the car, kiss her on the forehead, kiss every crevice of her, and even kiss her eyes while she sleeps warm next to you.

She fills the hole in your heart that normally would take years of therapy to mend. Never forget the moment you stood there and saw oblivion in each others’ embrace.

Life is fucked up. Death is always knocking. I am not afraid of it, not really. I am more afraid of the debt collectors that won’t stop calling my parents house and the junkies who need $5 for a buzz that will never satisfy them.

I want to live and change the world, I want to be known, I want to be remembered. I want to be more than just a Facebook account. Living in a closet screaming in silence is not the way to exist. Working in a cubicle day in and out in the town you were born is cruel and unusual punishment for a job well done. I want to feel like a new born baby, taking on the day as if it’s the first time I saw light.

Love is a unparalleled high. Drugs can be an escape from our own bitter realities. I am scared to try DMT, aka the death molecule, an intense psychedelic, because that feeling is the best feeling in the world. You earn it after a long life. It is your reward for dying with conviction.

Feeling the death molecule early by way of some drug scientist’s experiment seems sketchy. I don’t want to feel death. I want to feel life!

We are all dying, inching closer to the end with each lovely breath. We have no idea what’s next, even if you believe in more or nothing, it’s all uncertain. All that is completely certain is this moment. Breathe in and out, make sure to smile. I want to live on that rooftop with my lover and overlook our vivid dreams of sunsets and waterfalls.

This moment is fragile, so many variables are keeping it afloat. I really do not know what I want.

It’s baffling to think that I have lived for 31 years in the darkness of my own wants and needs. I guess I never really took much time to consider what I require to succeed.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT? All of my needs are met and material bullshit does not matter. I do know what is important to me: my family, my friends, my cats, the earth, food not bombs, art, and freedom!

My roots dig deep but perhaps one day I will find new soil to plant them in. I will never know if I don’t explore it. I know I can change. Becoming vegan and caring more about community service, solidarity for all causes, recycling, composting, using non aerosols, and giving up glitter and bottled water is just the start. I met a human that makes me better and aim to love her the best I can, with openness and honesty.

I have never been to counseling, but know a lot of humans who swear by it. It would feel incredible to have someone listen and give educated advice.

I bottle things up and run away from all hurt, repress and push away anything that causes my happy heart pain. One foot solid on the ground, anchored, unwavering. Meanwhile the rest of me is a balloon that has lost its string, floating toward oblivion, only to end up in the ocean strangling a fish that hasn’t been born yet. It’s bizarre to be so grounded and so lost at the same time.

I can’t be consumed by the what ifs if I never try. You don’t know how to live unless you go for it. Try all the things, take the leap, scream into the endless cavern of life. The echo is you from a moment ago and you are not alone.

All I have ever wanted was love, but I don’t know how to do it. I don’t really know what makes me happy until it is happening.

For me it was always easy to think about polyamory as a single person. Jealousy and fear are all internalized bullshit. I know that the only way to move past it all is unwavering communication.

The butterflies haven’t been in my belly for years. I think age consumed them. The love I feel now is better, it flutters with truth and understanding, it is a feeling of safety and admiration.

Nobody has ever told me that they appreciate me. I appreciate being appreciated.

Real love is consent and constant. It is wanting to work on things when one is feeling off, it is changing the path to make your lover feel more safe and free in your arms. Love is not a prison or a cage for your heart.

Free Love? I certainly won’t pay for it. I have been alone for so long that it feels strange to work on a relationship. I am feeling this wave of change. Slowly creeping monsoon of repair and washing away regret.

It is easy to look back at the corpse of a relationship and see what went wrong. You can pinpoint the moments where you could have stepped up, you could have taken a stand and stood up for them or given some extra care.

I remember laughing at someone I once loved when they told me a deep truth, they were vulnerable and real and I didn’t know how to handle it. I could have hugged them and let them know it was okay. Instead I left a wall between us.

Each experience has brought me to here and now, it made me ready for what’s to come. I have learned to talk more. Adventure beyond all wonder and belief, a love with passion that will last forever, starts with communication.

Now that wall has come down, brick by brick, falling rubble of yesterday’s tears. I want to relinquish all fear and stop being paranoid of abandonment. I am enough, I am worth it.

Self hate and emotional deprivation is tragic. Self destruction runs deep when you grow up fat, but honestly we probably all feel that way. It doesn’t matter what you look like, there will always be someone you think is prettier, skinner, younger, smarter, and more worth it. That’s a lie, that’s society dividing us. We are better than our misdirection.

I want to open up. I want to cut through my emotional blockage with a machete. Years of filth won’t get clean overnight, I need emotional renovation.

This time it’s worth it. I have learned from past heartache. Finally I am chosen! Let’s stay together and make it work this time.

I need to say what’s on my mind. If I communicate it will be okay. Take the stitches out of my lips and the duck tape off of my ears.

It’s time to open up. It’s time to feel and evolve. I need to talk with my parents, my lover, my friends, my roommates, my co-workers, and the people I meet in everyday life.

You should do it too! Take this chance to clear the cobwebs out of your mouth. Once you speak up it is addicting.

I feel like to some degree every year is the best of times and the worst of times. Life is a wild ride, a dizzy dragon overload, a monumental hill covered in ice and we decided to wear the fuck me pumps today. We wake up tomorrow covered in confetti and empty champagne bottles unchanged but all believing that we are going to use those gym memberships this year and see the world a little clearer.

When you realize that love is more fruitful than money and there is more to life than just stuff and things you will be a lot happier. I am an imperfect work in progress, human in all the ways I know how.

This is the first year in memory that I knew who I was going to kiss hours before midnight. It was beautiful despite the fact that I literally purged 2017 into my toilet. The gamble you take when eating magic mushrooms. I spent the majority of my party listening to the beautiful revelry shitting myself and puking in the upstairs bathroom, but don’t feel sorry for me just yet!

A few days before- on my 31st birthday I dyed my hair rainbow, I was about to go to my favorite restaurant Amy’s Place with my parents and my partner to get a vegan feast! BBQ seitan is life.

I received eco friendly glitter and a giant rainbow strap-on as gifts that morning from the most beautiful girl in the world, cuddled with my kitties and loves in the bed hole all day listening to tunes and smoking bongs. I had a show that night and the day off. Life was absolutely perfect on that cold blustery December day in Buffalo.

Then it drastically changed. I found out my best friend’s house burned down and she had an hour to grab what they could before the roof collapsed. A warm home full of love gone with a furious roar. She came home to the fireman throwing her Christmas tree out the window. There is a gofundme set up for them to help navigate this loss.

Some things are more important than birthdays and bullshit. This is my third friend that has experienced total loss due to a house fire in a year. Thankfully nobody was hurt, their beautiful kitty was saved and the turtle survived.

Marla is a beast. Only stuff was lost. Zaz says that her bf keeps telling her that She is His Home and it fills her up. They were at my party on New Year’s Eve with another couple that had had a recent fire. Everyone was playing music, tears and smiles flowed so strong. We can overcome flames (I mean hopefully right, since Trump is about to put us into a nuclear holocaust).

There is nothing that can defeat us. I get so upset sometimes over the most trivial bullshit. I can’t let it drag me down. I know so many people who have been dealt cards unimaginable to me and they keep their head up high despite the challenges. Life is short and fragile, we need to love harder and be there for each other.

This new year new me wave feels super good, right?  Yes, I do want to start doing yoga and painting everyday, writing more poetry and making my shows next level, spreading Food Not Bombs love and vegan treats for all. I also want to get lost with my lover in the woods and spend the whole day in bed with the cats.

I want to drive to St Louis then Denver and Austin and New Orleans for Mardi Gras and Nashville along the way home. I want to go where the wind takes me and love stronger than ever before.

I know that it’s all about lifting up and inspiring others. It’s about the journey, the adventure, the cuddles, the compliments, genuine time spent and tears shed. It is about being human and humane.

I lost my childhood best friend to bigotry and my sanity to politics. If it wasn’t burned up or flushed down this year, it’s worth saving.

Oh Yea, and The Buffalo Bills are in the playoffs. I think my friend the streaker was a good luck charm. The drought is over. 2018, this is our year!

New Year’s Eve is coming and with it, parties, booze, and tragedies caused by idiots who cannot accept that they are too drunk to drive and jerks who willfully ignore the rules of consent. For those of you planning to party on New Year’s Eve, I’ve provided a short but concise list of legal tips to help start the year off without anybody getting hurt.

If you are drunk, do not drive.

This should go without saying as it’s not only the law, it’s common sense. If you’re caught for drunk driving and are lucky you’ll just get a fine and the suspension of your driver’s license. If unlucky, drunk driving charges can result in a jail term ranging from four months to life in prison.

When in doubt, don’t do it.

The legal definition of drunk has nothing to do with how you feel. It is an arbitrary standard: if you have more than eighty milligrams of alcohol in your system for every hundred milliliters of blood, you are considered above the legal limit.

You may feel perfectly fine and sober but that does not matter if a breathalyzer indicates that you are above this limit. The golden rule to follow on New Year’s Eve or any other time is: when in doubt, don’t drive. Sleep over, get a lift, or call a cab or Operation Nez Rouge to get home safe.

You’ll save lives, including your own.

Drunken consent is not legally consent.

Rapes happen all the time, and in environments where booze is free flowing, there is always that scum bag who says the victim agreed to sex even though said victim was very drunk at the time of the attack. If a person is drunk they are in no shape to consent to sexual activity. They are incapable of consenting to sexual activity because their ability to freely give consent was affected by the alcohol. If a person is in no shape to drive, they are in no condition to agree to sex with you, so do the noble, legal thing and don’t have sex with them.

If a person is unconscious, they cannot consent.

The inevitable result of too much drinking and partying is often a loss of consciousness. If a person is passed out, this is not an invitation to touch, grope, or spoon with them. If a person is too drunk to say “no” to whatever it is you want to do with them, they are also too drunk to say “yes”.

Their passivity does not equal consent. The legal definition of sexual assault is sexual touching without consent, so if a person is unconscious, keep your hands to yourself.

When in doubt, check in.

A lot of people find the idea of double-checking for consent an unsexy mood-killer. You know what’s really unsexy? Sexual assault and the ten or more years in prison you get if convicted.

When in doubt, check with the person you’re with to make sure they’re consenting freely to all of what you are doing together. Check often if you have to. It’s better than violating your partner and will keep you out of trouble.

Remember that fireworks are dangerous and cities usually have rules about where you can set them off.

New Year’s Eve can be a blast and to celebrate you may want to set off some fireworks. Do your homework first.

Fireworks are extremely dangerous and every New Year’s Day the news is filled with horror stories of people who blew their fingers off and burned their houses down. Remember that at the end of the day, fireworks are basically just explosives and are just as dangerous.

Read the instructions on the package, do not use them when drunk and be sure use them far from buildings and facing away from people. You should also call the city or check out your municipal website to make sure there are no bylaws in place forbidding the use of fireworks within city limits.

In Montreal it is forbidden to use fireworks, bottle rockets, or other pyrotechnics without authorization from the city. Failure to obey the laws could result in hefty fines and if there is property damage or people get hurt, you could also be looking at jail time.

The perk of adulthood is that we can welcome the New Year the way it was meant to be welcome: with a glass of something boozy and a kiss at midnight. Unfortunately it’s also one of the most dangerous nights to be out celebrating.

Let’s start this year off right by making sure our world is a little safer.


Life as a shit show is exhausting but also incredibly exuberant and rewarding beyond belief! General fun, debauchery, and awe inspiring moves will make your life worth writing about.

Being a beautiful mess and delectable disaster is a full time job. People look to me for amusement and escape from the mundane. I am usually naked and fearless with my performances. The secret? Never stop, won’t stop.

My heart beats for the stage. Life has no rehearsal. I put my heart and soul into everything I do and I think that it shows.

I also really want the dreams of the people around me to come true too! It’s incredible to know that you had a hand in granting someone’s wish, whether it be big or small.

I am not the center of the universe, I am just a person like everyone else. But I conquer every scene along the way because I can.

This is my year! Say it! Travel. Spread those wings! I went to Washington DC for the Women’s March and ended up being featured in the Washington Post (and becoming an alt right meme lol), I went to Oakland for Burger Bugaloo and was in the San Franciso Chronicle, and my biggest feat was being featured in the style section of the New York Times floating on a flamingo raft in drag for Camp John Waters.

My goal was to meet him and leave an impression, and that I did. I literally covered myself in fake dog shit for that shit show! Best moments of my life. I may not have money, but I am a success!

Most weeks I have at least three burlesque shows (sometimes five) , plus work, and volunteering that makes things a bit crazy in my world. A lot of people ask me how I do it. Well, sometimes I just want to collapse into my bed hole and wrap my legs around my lover for days on end, vegan pizza delivery to my window please, warm fuzzy blankets, and a side of kitty cuddles will complete this fantasy. Please! Add the bong to the mix and I will never leave.

But, alas, I must. Rest is important when you can get it, especially in this life where every single moment is delicately scheduled.

I live out of piles of sparkling costumes. I can put together any costume to the T our of the contents of my disaster. I don’t understand how I can reach into the abyss and pull out exactly what I need every time. I am lucky, I am a winner.

My girlfriend laughs at me when I say “I AM A WINNER” out loud with a creepy face and then proceed to get exactly what I want every single time. I think it is the power of positivity. I know it’s mine. I am the master of my own destiny, nobody tells me no! If I have a dream I will achieve it, no questions.

My grandmother was always really lucky like that too. She would win a royal flush on one machine at the casino and then hit another jackpot on the machine next to it while waiting to get paid. I like to think that I inherited her luck. She was the kindest, sweetest women in the world. My life goal is to be just like her, to leave an impression that makes only good things come your way.

I would like to say that I have an endless amount of energy. Getting up early, making art, going to work, volunteering, and then having a show at midnight is a long day.

I wish I could say my secret to success is doing yoga everyday, juicing, and exercise. I don’t do any of those things. Since going vegan and being more aware of how much water I drink I have noticed a shift in my mood and energy gain.

I also decided that I will never do anything I don’t want to do ever again. I will not work for the MAN, I will only do things that make others stronger, I will only be what I love.

It is important to give your time to worthy recipients, life is too short to waste on bullshit. Make sure you are happy and your needs are met, take time to pamper yourself. Put the lotion on the skin. You are worth the time and effort.

My advice is to chill the fuck out, slow it down and stop worrying. Be a unicorn. Never act like a “grown up” but be responsible. Wear rainbows in the snow. Smile lots!

Love as hard as you can and be an open book, make it a comic book, and you are the hero. Fight for people who have less than you, never stop helping.

Being calm and smooth will give you an advantage over the other cogs. Be confident in your abilities and strong in your will. Always leave time for your bliss and remember to be spontaneous. They don’t know what you are going to do next.

Let each moment be a well orchestrated surprise. Drop jaws and panties.

I am a satisfied stoner who enjoys the creative explosion. I just know that I will get it all done and it will be perfect. If I cared about the deadlines I would be overwhelmed and my brain would become soup.

You have a strong shit show power inside of you. Believe in it, will things to happen, work hard, love freely, and everything else will fall into place. I know that everything I desire is attainable and I deserve it.

Being a shit show isn’t perfect, you will be late a lot, you will feel overextended most of the time, but you will change the world and yourself in the process. Don’t dream it, be it. Start this instant. GO!

Twinkle, twinkle little plastic shards, how I wonder how many of you there are?

I have always defended glitter when someone called it herpes! I have always been the person who outshines everyone by bathing in gazillions of tiny little sparkles. I am an asshole, a shiny, shiny turd.

This is not something I am proud of in retrospect. There have been times that I literally wore only glitter, then it seemed glorious, now I feel every speck cutting the throats of children drinking a glass of water, digesting in the bellies of my friends and family, and balling up in the ocean.

I am embarrassed by the amount of glitter pollution I alone have caused, let alone all of the glitter dripping sparkletastic burlesque dancers out there. The aftermath of one of my shows sent millions of microscopic pieces of glimmering plastic down the drain and into the water supply and tainting the food chain for years to come.

This must stop! I challenge all of you, every dancer and party girl, every gay activist that wants to glitter bomb a nazi or fascist politician, every drag queen with eyes on fleek, and everyone with little kids who are about to make holiday crafts: JUST SAY NO TO GLITTER!

The planet cannot suffer for fashion. My shine is NOT more important than the Earth and either is yours. It is so fucked up and sad how much plastic is out there because of vanity.

In every single sip of water we drink there are solar systems worth of micro particles that are too small for any filter. It’s horrifying! When I think of that the choice is easy to ban glitter. My hot scientist partner tells me I shine without it, I don’t need the synthetic brilliance. She inspires me to do better.

The NY Times recently posted an article about banning glitter. We cannot filter out this problem! Scientists studied the effects of plastic in the great lakes and had a huge part in the ban on plastic microbeads. I can’t imagine how much glitter and micro toxins I have ingested while wearing glitter on my lips. Cosmetic glitter is crazy and unnecessarily in a lot of products.

Artist Lara Buckley’s current show Alters of Erie is a lifelong collection of found discarded trash and natural materials mixed together harmoniously. It is currently up at the BOX Gallery in Buffalo NY.

Beauty in the decay. It looks like entire decorated Christmas trees and holiday wreaths from a distance and then you look close to see that it is just perfectly arranged garbage, fish heads on baby doll bodies with plastic rhinestone eyes, invasive plants also fill the room, discarded rubbish on a pedestal, hanging all around the gallery, floating and dancing, things that the world forgot now have new life as eye opening art.

Found pieces of man made bullshit that are polluting our world can be free art supplies. It is also incredible to pick up all of the straws, broken toys, streamers, and other broken bits from the ground and water. We can all get together, pick up rubbish, and make our Earth cleaner while making cool art in the process.

As an artist I need to be more sustainable. Every single painting I have ever painted has glitter on it. I was obsessed. But like anything, once you realized something is wrong abort immediately. Once you know about something and continue doing it even though you know it iss wrong, then you are the problem! You can’t play ignorant. People can grow and change, we call it evolution.

I have so much back stock of glitter I think I want to put it all in resin so it never has the chance to escape into this world. Make one final piece to immortalize the horrific craft herpes that I have loved for so long and now despise.

I never thought glitter would make me cry. It is not a harmless craft supply or fun makeup, it is pure evil in masquerade.

Ending this plastic nightmare is important for the sustainability of this beautiful planet. Plastics do not make it possible! Plastic is toxic and it is not fully known what the last 100 years of exposure have truly done to us.

Humans are killing the Earth at a astounding rate, climate change is real, so many animals are becoming extinct, and yet that little piece of glitter will still be here for the next 100 years no matter what.

I am going to fully make the change to non toxic biodegradable glitter. It is sold on Etsy and other places in the internet like Ecostardust, but I bet it is mad easy to make.

That way I can have my twinkle and be kind to mother earth too! Yay! It’s a win win.

All that glitters is not necessarily good. We have to take every step to make things safer and healthier, our health and the future of our world depend on it.

First we ban glitter, then who knows! Let’s learn from our mistakes and get better for it! Break the tradition and start new sustainable trends. Let’s all become eco friendly sparkle warriors!

Don’t panic. No, actually, its ok to panic!

There are a few moments in life that are completely mortifying. This is one of them if you deal with it improperly. That awkward moment when your current squeeze meets yesterdays squeeze and has no fucking idea.

Of course it makes sense that people you are attracted to will be attracted to each other in some way, but come on! What are the chances? I once walked into a bar and felt like it was the fucking Twilight Zone because everyone in there was in my pants at some point in time…

Oh hey person I lost my virginity too talking to my super ex from 3 years ago and the girl I have a crush on! Oh hey girl I made out with on the pride gay train six years ago holding hands with that other human I had fireworks with last year. Maybe I’m a whore, maybe I live in a small town, but sometimes it’s uncanny.

It is even more difficult to navigate bars and parties during the holidays. People who are normally far far away come home to make your life hell. You never know who you are going to run into, or who is related to who. We all have the same circle of friends. Everyone fucks everyone or at least knew someone who fucked that person or whatever. It’s a crazy twisted web. Le sigh.

Lets just use this scenario: You are seeing someone new. You meet them for coffee and talk about where you work. He says, omg, I know someone who works there! Do you know (insert name here, we will use “Lady X” to protect the innocent)? You respond with, why YES, I know Lady X! She just so happens to be marrying my super ex, like the person I dated for a bunch of years, she ACTUALLY cheated with him while he was dating me, she fucked him while he was with me and now the are getting married, oh yea and she is pregnant with his evil demon seed, RIGHT? (heavy breathing and hair disheveled at this point)

Sips coffee like nothing happened. Strange kind of serial killer smile on your face. Eye is twitching.

“Ummmmmmmm, yea,” is all they say in response to your manic tantrum. She was like a friend of a friend he knew in high school, hasn’t seen her in years, and definitely had no need to know all of that drama llama. You done fucked up son. You clearly shared too much and created a crisis where it didn’t need to happen.

Too much sharing is not caring. This is uncomfortable and bad for all involved. It’s hard, though. People put you in a spiral, you are entangled in that history, triggers are real!

Let’s try a different scenario: playing it cool. You have to work and your new love goes to your favorite bar. She sees a band and thinks you will like them. She even goes as far as singing the lyrics to one of their fucking songs.

Of course one of the members of said band is someone you used to be creepily obsessed with in an unrequited way. Of course you know all the words to all of their songs, you have been a groupie, you have been more than a groupie. You used to go to sleep at night with this person’s face behind your eyes, thinking that the world would end because they didn’t love you back. Relationships were severed and things got WEIRD… but you won’t tell her that.

There was a time when you would have told that whole thing to anyone with ears. Now you remain silent. Do you tell her that the former love of your life is in that band and that their songs are all triggers and that you probably have PTSD and are lucky that you can even love again after this?

You can do it. Hold back the urge to share all the gooey unrequited love and gory nasty breakup deets. All of this happens in one moment, a moment that may seem insignificant to your significant other but definitely seemed to go on forever in your broken little mind.

You play over all the ways it can work out, bite your tongue. Don’t go into this right now, it’s a terrible sad idea that will ruin your current bliss. You will spiral back to the depths of a sad abyss where there is still hope with your old flame.

This is NOT a sign that the universe wants you to crawl back into the hell hole. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT! BE STRONG! This urge is stronger than heroin. You pause before saying simply “Yeah, I’ve heard of them”… crisis averted. Good girl.

Holding back certain details is not lying. It’s being healthy. Some things really don’t matter in the present time. Relish in your current joy. It is over for a reason. Moving on is good.

Don’t let that black cloud follow you forever. Let the sun shine in. Expel the negativity forever and focus on the beating heart that loves you back right now. Maybe in the future have a conversation about it, but it probably isn’t even necessary.

Wipe that space in your mind clean, clear the clutter, and let your wings flutter. Live life in the moment. It’s a fantastic day to be alive.

Alcohol and I don’t mix. I am second guessing my whole attraction to the party scene, I just don’t want to be a clouded disaster anymore. Also, and more importantly, it’s bad for my body.

Why do I have to be drunk to dance and meet people? I have more meaningful relationships that begin with chance meetings at art openings or while volunteering, nothing good has ever come out of the bar. It’s just a place to spend money and waste away. Pay to rot in the darkness while everyone is trying to get their dick sucked. Bumping around at last call to find someone just as drunk as them to bump uglies with.

Going out all the time is a game. You see the same people, spending their money, playing pool, throwing back beers and shots, looking more attractive to each other by the second.

When you are the only sober person in the group it is interesting. You can see the dark side of the depressant that is alcohol. People spiral out of control and act a fool. Barely able to walk or create sentences, bumbling, spilling, spending money, desperation, mindlessly grabbing for any shred of connection they can get. Nobody realizes how silly the whole thing is if everyone is drunk.

I have noticed a disturbing trend among my friends: everyone is fucking depressed. People are drinking to forget instead of to enjoy. To medicate instead of celebrate.

Like every other person with fading youth I have dabbled in alcoholism, been the girl who made all of the bad decisions. I have taken cabs home with strange men and women. I have woken up next to a person that I never remembered even meeting, let alone fucking.

Taking advantage of a drunk person is RAPE! What kind of feminist has such little self respect that the only way she can get some is by getting black out? You must respect yourself. The difference of good people who do bad things sometimes and bad people who do good things sometimes isn’t clear when you are inebriated.

For me being sober has a better chance of leading to ghosting – the art of sneaking out without saying goodbye. I know this can be bad, people may wonder “WTF happened to Cat?” A lot of times my friends get pissed, but most times people don’t even notice I am gone. Everyone is drunk and wrapped up in their own worlds, trying to get fucked or make a meaningful connection, pounding beers.

If I feel un-engaged I will bounce. I keep imagining how much nicer my bed full of kitties and books is than this dingy ass bar.

I have been inspired by a couple of my friends who have been reading books in the corner of the bar. This is a great upgrade from texting away. My bestie said that more people came and sat next to her when she was reading over texting or just drinking and staring off into the abyss. Being in your own head is more approachable. Being smart is attractive.

I find that my greatest sadness and isolation happens when I am in a full room of people, most of which I know and love, and I drink. Once I drink a wave of darkness comes over me. I am lonely in a way that is incomprehensible.

I often feel socially awkward when in a bar situation. I can’t hear enough to conversate. I really get pissed off by drunk men above all, the worst are the flaming bro douches. The ones with oozing testosterone and backwards hats, the ones who flex their muscles while drinking their Labatt Blue. I have no time for your bullshit. Reading a book in the well lit corner is better than getting your ass grabbed by scumbags any day.

I am not going to preach about any kind of lifestyle choices because I cannot rule you, I am only in charge of my own actions. I can understand why people go straightedge. Being focused and strong, making sure they are ready to fight for the revolution. Giving up drugs because your friends are dying, your little brothers and sisters are overdosing. Live because they died. Cops killing in the name of the racist war on drugs, quick money, and it all goes by in the blink of an eye.

Never judge anyone for not drinking or partaking in drugs. Respect every person’s right to choose. They will be the people you look too when you are messed up and need help at 4am.

How can I expect to have a real connection with someone that I consistently meet at 4am at a bar? He is always fucked up. Singing and dancing like a sprite, perfect to the sight, no idea how bright. So beautiful, but not cogniscant of what I am capable of. I will keep you warm and fed, I will hold you when you are sad, I will travel to the end of the world with you, holding hands against adversity. I want to be someone’s everything kind of love.

Yet I grasp for straws.

I hate that moment when someone decides they are not interested. Hot guy comes up and initiates conversation, it’s going well, we are both laughing, then all of a sudden “I need to get a drink.” He goes to the bar, gets his drink, and walks away like we were never talking.

LAME. I don’t want to monopolize someones time, but it’s kind of rude to walk away with no viable explanation. I’ts not like he owed me anything, but come on. He then started talking to a smaller, cuter girl. Typical.

People fight with their significant others only when they are both drinking. Some people only get the balls to communicate when they drink. Important things that should be discussed with a clear mind are haphazardly thrown on the table.

There is something so wrong about fuzzy conversation, basing your decisions on the clouded mind of a drunk. Like Kimya Dawson says: “Without 40 ounces of social skills I’m just an ass in the crack of humanity.” I am socially inept, downright scared to talk to people when I am out of my comfort zone. But to be fair, sometimes I isolate myself by going out in full makeup and costume after one of my shows. I would be afraid to talk to me, too.

As a bartender I was definitely a therapist. I did not like drinking while I worked for that reason. I know a lot of bartenders who think otherwise. It really got to me after awhile, seeing the effect it had on people made it not appealing. There is nothing sexy about drunk people.

Being a bartender is HARD! stressful work. People are basically on vacation and some treat you like a common slave. I can’t be fake nice for a tip anymore. I have a tip for you, don’t be a misogynist asshole and go fuck yourself. How’s that for a tip?

Do you really know someone if you only see them when they are all fucked up? IS that them? If someone is drunk more often than not does that define them? Are they just “a drunk” now? That’s sad.

I don’t want to think that. Sobriety provides clarity and focus, not hiding behind the false good feels. I don’t want to be an asshole anymore. People get mean when they drink and make excuses. “Oh I only smoke when I drink.” “Oh I only do coke when I drink.” “Oh I only beat my wife when I drink.” “Oh I only smash up my car and kill entire families when I drink.”

Moderation is everything, I know that, but sometimes you just gotta dry out and start over. I have never had a bad reaction with marijuana. Cocaine is not a social drug. People end up in the bathroom, then tweak out, nobody wants to share it because it’s so expensive. Weed is about community, a peace pipe, I am always happy to pass the joint. Alcohol is also a party substance that people are happy to share. Arriving with a case of beer can save the party.

Most are trying to fill a void with liquor and drugs. Alcohol is social fuel for the terminally awkward. Our generation is confused. Real honest connections are blurred.

It is lovely to be the one who can keep their shit together among an incapacitated crowd. The responsible one, the human that you look for when shit gets too weird. The party hero. Carrying around a solo cup full of water.

Clarity now, the fog has lifted and I can see your true colors. Now is the time to take chances, be weird without alcohol. An aggressive drunk girl can seem pathetic, but an aggressive sober girl is different.

People can be uncomfortable around sober folks, so don’t brag about being sober, drink your water and act a fool. The only one stopping you from having an amazing time is yourself.



Is hugging just plain weird? Hugs not drugs. Free hugs. Cheek to cheek bodies entangled. A pat, a brief squeeze, or a firm grip. There is something incredibly magical about the transfer of energy between two people. The touching of bodies in a warm embrace, a gesture of kindness and love.

But there can be a dark side to hugging. You can trigger all kinds of stuff by thinking you are just innocently hugging someone. It is no different than rape. The key is consent, making sure that the person you are about to hug wants to be hugged.

Personal space is always to be cherished and respected. You cannot assume anything about anyone, you don’t know if someone was abused or just doesn’t like to be touched.

Someone you normally hug may not want the hug this time. Do you ever have days where you just don’t feel like being social? There have been times I have felt obligated to hug someone because they wanted it. I wouldn’t just sleep with someone because I know they wanted it! Hugging should be no different.

I am calling myself out on being an offender of taking away other’s freedom with my free hugs. I have hugged someone and immediately regretted it. I have been a hug rapist. I have also been guilty of lingering too long, making the hug uncomfortable by accident.

If someone is pulling away let them. Do not be too aggressive or squeeze the life out of someone. Don’t force yourself onto anyone, ever.
 It really is a personal thing, so yea, I think it is weird to hug someone when you first meet them, even if you are being introduced by someone you both know and hug. A hug goodbye on a first meeting may be appropriate with proper consent of course. A hug hello can be amazing between say two people who haven’t seen each other in awhile. Running toward each other at the airport. The hug is obviously wanted by both parties, they yearn for it. When they finally collide in a rush of squeeze it is beautiful. This is the hug people dream about later.

Human contact is so important. We feed off of each other. A good hug with consent is like no other feeling in the world. You can literally feel the energy merge.


I feel the need to offer a hug to people I love when they are sad. Putting a sobbing human into yourself is intense, you take in all of their negative energy and try so hard to rub off your positivity into them. Comforting another human is a raw and pure basic instinct.

I find myself taking on a maternal role with some of my younger friends sometimes. I am fairly certain that I am never going to have children, so I don’t mind sharing my energy with others, hugging the world that wants to be hugged.

Children often are the victims of unwanted hugs. I remember being hugged by a lot of adults. It was confusing because I knew I was not supposed to talk to grown ups, you know stranger danger, be aware. Then I would meet family friends or whatever and they would go in for the hug immediately. Red flag bro! I don’t even know you! Why would you put a kid in that situation. It will cause a lifelong fear of intimacy.

A lot of people do not like hugs. Never assume someone wants it. Always ask, even if body language suggests otherwise. If they say no offer a handshake, fist bump, or a wave. Don’t ever just “Oh we are friends” and go for it, if you do that you are not a good friend.

The double cheek kiss is an odd greeting to me too. Nobody has time for a cheek full of someone else’s lipstick traces, but that’s for a different blog.

Just remember, consent, consent, consent! Oh, and I hate when people go in for the hug when I am just done performing and still topless. No bad touch. Be considerate and respectful to others at all times. “May I hug you?” See that’s easy!