612 – Chorka • 21

Dear DM

@Darrell: Dear DM, Do you read Terry Pratchett? If not I recommend him, if so relate this to magickal theory for some interesting conclusions regarding theology, society, fantasy, and mythopeia, fan of your work

Dear Darrell,

I have read Terry Pratchett’s work, and quite enjoy it. However it was quite a few years ago and I don’t really remember much at all about his Magickal Theory and without going back and studying up on it I am positive that I am wholly unqualified to expound on it regarding theology, society, fantasy, and mythopeia. (Isn’t that last one where you only see unicorns out of one eye?)

So instead I’ll just say this… I like porn.

@moginheden: Dear DM, why aren’t there any clerics with a resurrection spell in real life?

Dear moginheden,

There are, just not any Christian clerics. Despite Christ’s press, rez isn’t in the Jewish god’s Sphere of Influence. If you’ll check the rulebook, you’ll see that his spheres are Vengeance, Plagues, and Turning Disobedient Women to Salt.

@Alan: Dear DM, why don’t you take a day or two off?

I don’t remember if it was last week or the day before but I actually did recently take a day off. It was the first actual “day off” I had taken in years (just never thought about it before) and it was kinda awesome. I ran random dungeons in WoW all day long and felt myself completely unwind and relax… as well as picked up some bitchin’ gear for my hunter.

For the immediate future though I probably won’t be doing that again anytime soon. My T-ShirtBordello work has started up again and between that, the comic, and my… ahem… “husbandly duties” I stay pretty busy. However, the most important reason not to take time off is that I have been blessedly allowed to do the things I enjoy the most, write, draw, and take care of Lena!

@TSED: Dear DM, what’s your favourite candy?

Dear TSED,

Candy Manson. Definitely

Why don’t you go help yourself to some?

Dude, I’m married.

Okay, as always, if you have a question you’d like Dear DM to answer, ask it below and read all about it next Monday!

21 Responses to 612 – Chorka • 21

  1. “What do we do if he’s hungry now?”
    Look inedible. 8)

    In other news: Yep, Mr. Unseen DM is definitely using a teddy bear as a mini. 😆
    The “keying in on movement” line is totally a nod to that scientifically inane “T-Rexes are like crocodiles” theory in Jurassiv Park, isn’t it? The one that got a couple of dumb protagonists killed.

    Given that Hollywood is currently hellbent on remaking every frikkin blockbuster movie of the past 30 years, I wonder why they haven’t yet come up with the idea of remaking the Jurassic Park movies, instead of trying to remake Highlander (blasphemy!) or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (without Joss Whedon), or remaking The Flight of the Phoenix (1965) (lamest, most pointless remake ever).

    Jurassic Park was already driven by special effects back then. A remake with modern CGI, 3D-effect and hopefully upgraded to reflect the latest knowledge about dinosaurs, their appearance (with feathers!), movement, physiology (warm-blooded), life cycles… sign me up. Even if it means having to pretend that you can clone dinosaurs from shredded remains of ancient DNA fragments, millions of years old (*cough*), apparently clone their gastro-intestinal bacterial flora, too (yeah sure), and then stick the creature you created into today’s atmosphere (*wheeze*), let it eat modern plants and not fall over dead. Not to mention that a clone dinosaur of a species that lives in herds or hunting groups with complex social behavior wouldn’t have an older dino to learn proper dino-behaviour from. But that was precisely the point the Jurassic Park novels were trying to make, wasn’t it? Such dinosaurs would not be real dinosaurs, they’d be circus attractions to be gawked at.

    (Unless the point was “all science is evil!” and “Let’s see how many mega-bucks Crichton can make off an idea he lifted out of the pages of Wired back in the days when cloning was new and exciting and everyone thought we’d clone Hitler”.) 🙄

    • I read the book way before they made a movie out of it and I thought THAT was stupid, so a dumbed down version for the big screen never really stood a chance. (But yes, that’s where the line about the movement comes from.)

  2. So Kevin I got some rather exciting news. I am now an engaged man. It is a rather amazing feeling to ask someone to spend the rest of their lives with you,… the big shiny diamond helps too 😉

  3. As a fellow married man, Congrats Chris! We love to see you guys come into the fold. Ever since I got married I get the urge to hook people up. I guess nobody likes to suffer alone eh?

    • It’s funny, all the pessimism, stereotypes, and general remarks you make about marriage all suddenly vanished when the time came, it was like it was the right thing to do and in its place was happiness. I am really looking forward to it, I guess I’m a family man. 🙂

      • The suffer alone part was a joke. I hope you got it. Anyway, I’m serious, congratulations. I love my wife and the kids we have more than anything and family is one of the most important things in my life. The other being gaming. I hope you guys all the happiness ever. As much as Kevin has.

  4. Dear DM,

    In keeping with the “married life” turn the comments have taken, my question is:

    Given a married couple fortunate enough to game together; is or is not D&D the proper environment for resolving that little disagreement about (say) that scratch on the walnut cabinet that used to be her grandmothers? I mean, roleplaying could actually aid a fellow in explaining why it’s not my…I mean “his” fault.


    • Mixing roleplaying and Real Life? Uh, not unless you want a situation where the next time your rogue scams her Xena-style barbarian warrioress out of a magical trinket during game night, you get to sleep on the porch afterwards until your rogue has given it back. Or your wife comes after you with a broadsword. 😉

    • I’m thinking that the best venue for RL issues are RL conversations. There are just too many ways that using D&D for conflict resolution could go horribly, horribly wrong.

    • Lol. Got halfway through that question and started shaking my head vigorously. I’d say keep them separate. But then I’m not “the” DM so my opinion may not matter.

  5. Dear DM,

    How long will it take China to dominate the economic landscape on a world basis?

    What should we do to prepare?

  6. Dear DM,


    Lots of it.

    How do you keep track of what characters eat? I don’t really want to draw up menus for them, but on long journeys, what easy ways are there to keep track – eg, number of days of food to wander about in the wilderness with. Essentially, how do you keep track of stuff like that without it becoming an exercise in accountancy?

    Yours concerned,


  7. Dear DM: What’s your opinion on gaming with strangers? My wife met a lady at the store the other day who is a gamer and whose boyfriend is a gamer. They hit it off pretty well and we may invite them over to play. (I’m actually really excited to play D&D for a change. It’s been so long.) But there’s the leariness of having a stranger in the house. What do you think? Gun under the table, just in case? Or am I just being paranoid?