Jul 30, 2013

What is a Gift of Need? - Part 2

I also dreamed the night of July 29th 2013 about being too hard on my little sister for wasting the pie I made from scratch when she was just trying to offer a gift of friendship to Jim's older sister. I couldn't reconcile my compassion for her wanting to make a friend of Jim's sister, and my own frustration at how she ignored the gift I provided by casually discarding part of the pie. I argued that she didn't respect the time it took me to make that. I do have selfishness with my gifts. While she was willing to cut it up to fit the preference of the person she was trying to comfort and show friendship for.

My gifts tend to be of my design. But when I do offer gifts of need, they are rarely taken. Actually, I offer the possibility of a gift, not an immediate gift. For instance, watching a friend's kids. They won't volunteer me though the offer is on the table because they don't want to burden me. How can we know what somebody needs? How can I gift without inconveniencing someone else in the process, like my partner. I don't seem to get this. My gift often ends up being a check-in, knowing someone cares, more than something of material substance. Okay. I phrased my gift like this "I would like to babysit for you this weekend if you don't mind." How funny is that? She has made it clear that she needs breaks from the kids and time with her husband. Gifts of need do have to be forced more. It will suck to watch three small kids by myself, I imagine, but I will manage. I will have lifted the burden from her and onto my shoulders for a couple hours. Oh spirits help me. Assuming still that she accepts my push.

I also offered a sincere message to my partner's sister, whom I would like to have a more understanding relationship with, and also atone for not being forthright early in our interactions, and then blowing up at her. It's terrifying leaving myself so vulnerable.

Since, I'm discussing atonement, is it wrong to enjoy and tally the good deeds you do? It's a kind of faith for me. I trust it will come back to me karmically when I need it to. I'm not expecting a return from the person, though I hope for a return of quality friendship and any benefits of that, but really I feel I'm contributing to a higher cause and hope the living essence of that cause will see fit to reward me with help on a future issue. Especially if it was not a fun task, relying on that trust of reward, of someone smiling upon me, is a positive focus that motivates me to do those tough offers, along with having compassion and empathy for those people of course.

In the last shot of the this dream sequence, we are laying down to relax from our troubles for a moment and look at the night sky. Above us is the galaxy hologram from Mass Effect, but looking up from the bottom of how it is displayed in the games. All the blue circles are star systems, and when you hover the mouse over it the circle turns a tan color.
In the dream, with this galaxy hologram filling the entire sky, the circles were all tan indicating to me places I've been. I sit up to see over an object obstructing my view and observer further down the horizon are many more tan circles of other systems. I was relieved to see (how I was thinking) that everywhere I had been was remembered. I was concerned that my steps weren't noticed or were forgotten. What I didn't dwell enough on in the dream though is that it implied I had been to dozens of star systems in our galaxy.

The choice to show me looking up at the bottom view was curious to me. The closeness of the whole galaxy down to me gave me the freedom to think I could go to any of these places again whenever I wished. Only when I'm asleep though can my soul travel it seems. I can't displace it enough otherwise; too attached to my body and this world I guess. And I'm not ready to wish for a near-death experience to teach me how to dissociate. I want to bring it to me, at least, meet it half way somehow. That fits the balance theory of spirit and body, locality and non-locality better than having to leave here to go there. It's called bi-locality. That's what I want to do while awake. Or is dreaming bi-locating already?

The bottom-up perspective was in contrast to the commander in the game that hops around the galaxy with his/her ship, whereas I am still on one of those landings. Looking down is possibility to be anywhere, looking up is halted possibility in fixed position. Sounds a lot like that pesky Heisenberg principle with quantum physics that keeps recurring and seems to hold the answer to many of the problems humanity has.

I was about to ask if a guiding spirit could take me on a field trip to show me how to control the soul's movement through possibility and halting onto a specific location looks, then I remembered the other half of the dream, described in the previous post, was exactly that. Funny how my dreams can answers my questions before I've even formed them.

I walked from the classroom onto the stone theatre outside in Cambodia (not sure this really exists). I've walked through invisible walls in my dreams without the use of a door, onto a totally different setting, from outside to in and vice versa. This same technique happens each time I shift from one dream sequence to another without space between. I flow through the next sequence with all the necessary knowledge and background of what the scene demands, without questioning the transition or letting the previous sequence have bearing on the current one, unless its helpful.

I review them all together when I wake up, stringing the scenes together like a story of contributing messages to a greater understanding of the issues it meant to address. I hesitate to separate sequences that occurred the same night into different posts because I worry it distances pieces that were meant to be understood as parts of a whole. Such is why I record my dreams each night anyway, the theory that each dream is a part of a larger whole. That whole would be the spiritual ability and belonging of the human soul to a higher dimension of subtle energy resonating side by side with this one.

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