Thursday, October 15, 2015

Yes, There Is A Hell ...

... And It Looks A Lot Like An Airport!

Hell is plastered with signs warning you not to go there, so if you do go in, it's your own fault.

The first thing you notice about Hell if you do enter is that there are 
lots of words like "terminal" and "departures."

Soon after you arrive in Hell, they strip search you, go through your stuff and if they like it, 
they take it! Once through, you have reached the point of no return!

The second thing you notice about Hell is that everybody's plane landed on time, but yours!

Of course, you should have suspected that all hell was about to break loose when some of the last words the flight attendant said over the speaker right before landing were these: "Buckle your seat belts, we have begun our descent!"

In Hell, there are endless hallways, tunnels and corridors to be walked!

There are many people trying to make contact with the world outside Hell.
"Send someone to warn my five brothers, lest they too come to this place of torment."
Luke 17:28

Even Hell has to be maintained.  When you are really bad you are forced to mop-up for all eternity.

In Hell you are forced to eat bad over-priced Chinese food whether you like it or not! 
There are many locations!

After walking for hours, you finally realize that you are in the wrong "terminal," so you walk for several more hours. You call for help on your cell, but no one answers. I guess that's why they call them "terminals," they are supposed to have an end point, but they don't.

You find yourself looking, longingly, up to Heaven and constantly wondering how in hell you ended up missing Heaven to begin with! You just can't believe this has happened to you - as good as you've been! Shocking denial is a typical response to Hell.

In frustration, many French speakers resort to "name calling." 

Hell is mostly about waiting. You are so bored most of the time that all you can do is eat large amounts of food that can kill you, but you eat it anyway in hopes it will! This holding area/feeding pen is where you start dreading getting on the plane because you just know you are going to be sandwiched between someone with body odor and three screaming children in a seat that is about eight inches wide.

Even though the air-conditioning is technically on, there is no air coming out as you sit and wait to take off. To pass the time, you pointlessly keep turning the air vent nozzle overhead in a hopeless attempt to get something to come out - air, gas, anything! The flight attendant is tied up shooting the breeze with an empty pilot seat! The pilot ran to the bathroom fifteen minutes ago even though the plane is already late for take off!

The co-pilot, who looks like he may have just graduated from middle school, is playing with the dials as he waits for the pilot to return from his bathroom run. "This is cool! That is cool! Oh, wow! I wonder what this is for! Ooops I spilled my orange drink into that bunch of wires!

This flight attendant committed some mortal sin while on earth, so she is strapped in her seat on a plane for the rest of eternity - without pay! Once on a plane, she can NEVER get off,  she cannot help herself to any of the peanuts and she must smile forever without ever stopping,

If you are condemned to Hell and you have enough frequent flyer points, you can go to Purgatory (or as they call it, the Admiral's Club). Once you get through the gestapo check point, they give you a few amenities that the masses do not get - like free coffee, hard boiled eggs, bagels, orange juice, some fruit, corn flakes, milk and such, along with Wifi, plugs for you computer and some magazines to read. Really, it's over priced and just a step up from Hell and sometime just as crowded. I guess the best part about the whole place is that  it just makes you feel a little bit superior than all the lower class people in regular Hell. Otherwise, it still has restless children, loud-mouthed cell phone talkers, people staring mindlessly at laptop screens  and  televisions permanently tuned to an endless loop of the same old news and sports programming.

Even when you get to Hell, even though you stand and wait and wait and wait, everybody's bag arrives but yours! Many other bags may "look like" yours, but they are not! You are forced to watch an empty belt go round and round for all eternity looking at that bag that is not yours!
After several trips through Hell, home begins to look like Heaven. 
After many, many trips through Hell, you realize that home is heaven!