Monday, July 5, 2010

No Words Needed

This treatment is killing me. I can't move my legs or the lower part of my body and my arms are too weak to hold a glass of kool-aid (I dropped it, making a terrible mess). My convulsive twitching is out of control and I'm praying my "Hail Mary's" the whole way through the seizure-like things. My speech has quickly gone downhill. I can't talk at all sometimes, and lots of times I stutter and can't get my words out.

You know when you're truly in love with someone or are great friends when you can't speak, but they know what's going through your mind. Yesterday night, I couldn't speak whatsoever. I needed to say a lot of things...I'm hurting, I cam't move at all, I don't want dinner, I feel sick. Most importantly, I wanted to say "I love you" to my family. Somehow they knew from the look in my eyes, and we hugged and cried together. They knew I needed comfort, and they were there. My brother was going to a party at a friends house yesterday night. I needed to tell him my usual "don't drink whatsoever, don't let any of your intoxicated friends drive, come home if you're not comfortable there" etc. He knows all of this, but as his little sister, I remind him constantly. Not being able to talk or stand up to get him, I tugged at his shirt. He knew exactly what I meant by the look in my eyes.

Lesson Learned? Even though I'm addicted to talking and do so nonstop, words aren't always needed. Simple quiet gestures sometime show it greater...a hug, kiss on the cheek, simple smiling, holding someones hand... They're simple, but say it all + more!

1 comment:

  1. I love you Jenna. I tried the whole journal thing. It didn't work for me. Im better at writing a a story over a huge length of time. I feel another one coming soon. Your such an inspiration to me. Keep fighting, Beautiful! Tiffany