When life gives men lemons, those men f%&k them

People respond to stress in different ways. Some shut down, and others claim they can only produce under pressure. It turns out that men are more interested in reproducing under stress.

British researchers recently learned that men who are tasked with stressful tasks, like public speaking, become attracted to a wider range of women’s body mass indexes, including women who are larger than what they normally go for. This might come from picturing the audience naked.

Dieting women of the world responded with a resounding, “Are you f%@king kidding me?!”

The pink elephant in the room

Americans have made great strides in quitting smoking … well, some Americans.

It turns out that a large percentage of modern smokers don’t support a daily habit nicotine habit, but smoke cigarettes “part-time.” Researchers are trying to figure out why people occasionally indulge in something that’s dangerous, tastes good, relieves stress and gives you something to do with your hands when surrounded by strangers. (In other news: people still eat Hot Pockets between trips to McDonald’s.)

But, of all the scenarios that The Wall Street Journal lays out, they left out the most obvious prompt for casual smokers to indulge: drinking.

It’s well known that booze and smokes go hand-in-hand. Alcohol shares all of the same benefits listed above with tobacco, but also blocks out shameful memories when you go too far with it.

What’s interesting, though, is that the article only focuses on cigarettes. Why not cigars or pipes? What about hookah? It’s pretty obvious that whoever did this research clearly does not smoke.

If you like stress so much, why don’t you marry it?

I work in corporate America. Most of the time, it’s not fun. I have to live with overlords that don’t exactly know how to effectively talk to their customers, customers that don’t know who to accurately blame for their troubles, managers who don’t quite have the skillset to do their job properly and a cafeteria that believes a strong menu is based off having green beans on the menu everyday. Yuck. I also have a pretty sweet benefits package.

Of course, seeing as how I don’t do anything dangerous outside of driving my car, I never actually utilize said benefits package.

But you know what? I’m still less stressed out than over 2200 people in Japan. I’m okay with that.