Seal Clubber

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Male Female Tattoo Hardcore Tattoo Hardcore Oxygenarian Tattoo Legendary Regalia Tattoo Legendary Regalia Female Legendary Regalia Male


Seal Clubbers hail from the frigid Northlands, because one character class always hails from the frigid Northlands. They rely on their Muscle to survive.


Most Seal Clubber skills are learned from The Brotherhood of the Smackdown. All Seal Clubbers begin the game with Seal Clubbing Frenzy and Clobber.

Level Skill Description Effect Type MP Cost Train Cost
0 Clubseal.gif
Seal Clubbing Frenzy
By clubbing a stuffed seal at your campsite, you can work yourself into a frenzy. Your Strongness will increase for a period of time. Seal Clubbing Frenzy
(+2 Muscle)
(5 Adventures)
Non-combat 1 N/A
0 Clobber.gif
Adventurer smash! Deals (0.1-0.2)*Weapon Damage + (0-1) physical damage and ceil(sqrt(Bonus elemental damage)) Combat 1 N/A
1 Club2.gif
Lunge Smack
By lunging before you smack, you can deal more damage than if you smack without lunging. Or if you lunge after smacking instead, but who does that?
  • A normal attack that deals 5 extra damage if it connects
  • counts as a Smack
Combat 1 125 Meat
1 Smallheart.gif
Fortitude of the Muskox
Muskoxen are legendarily resilient. If you cut them, they bleed, but then they stop bleeding and they're good as new. Now you can be like a muskox! Regenerate 1-2 HP per Adventure Passive N/A 125 Meat
2 3claws.gif
Audacity of the Otter
You become infused with the fighting spirit of the Otter, making your critical hits more critical than usual. Critical hits do 3x damage Passive N/A 250 Meat
2 Sleepy.gif
Using this skill lets you sleep for an entire Adventure, fully restoring your HP and replenishing all of your get-up-and-go. Non-combat 0
(1 Adv.)
250 Meat
3 Sebashield.gif
Blubber Up
(+5 Moxie)
(10 Adventures)
Non-combat 7 500 Meat
3 Snowflake.gif
Cold Shoulder
You've learned to channel the icy climate of the Frigid Northlands into your blows. Fortunately, you've also learned to stop yourself from making bad ice puns as you do so. Your Smack skills will deal 5 additional Cold Damage Passive N/A 500 Meat
4 Club.gif
This is a thrusting smack with your weapon. It will do double the usual amount of damage to your opponent if it connects. Combat 3 750 Meat
4 Dipshitfangs.gif
Wrath of the Wolverine
Have you ever seen a wolverine go after a herd of shrews? It's crazy. It just doesn't stop. It's like every shrew it takes down multiplies its desire to take down shrews.

Anyway, you're like that, and also every enemy looks like a shrew to you.

NOTE: Only true Seal Clubbers have the fortitude needed to contain Fury. Other classes are weak, and would be torn apart by it.

Lets you build Fury by defeating opponents. Enhances many other SC skills and gives +1 Weapon Damage per gallon.

(up to a maximum of 3 gallons of Fury)

Passive N/A 750 Meat
5 Hammer.gif
Super-Advanced Meatsmithing
You are a master of the Tenderizing Hammer. The echo of generations of Seal Clubbers reverberates in your muscles as you beat the meat into shape. Shapes, actually -- the shapes of powerful weapons. Can smith weapons using ores. Can smith whips using skins. (Costs 1 adv.) Passive N/A 1,250 Meat
5 Beluga.gif
Buoyancy of the Beluga
You can't keep a good beluga down. In fact, you can't even keep a bad beluga down, because the buoyancy of a beluga is unrelated to the strength of its character. Regenerate 1 HP per Adventure for each gallon of Fury Passive N/A 1,250 Meat
6 Angry.gif
Scowl of the Auk
The Frigid Northlands are no place for birds. Well, no place for happy birds, at least. This skill lets you be like a bird -- perpetually upset and aggressive. Non-combat 10 1,750 Meat
6 Weasel.gif
Thirst of the Weasel
Weasels aren't native to the Frigid Northlands, so the ones who manage to survive there have done so by being vicious, bloodthirsty little killers. And given what jerks normal weasels are, that's really saying something. Your Smacks restore 1-2 HP per gallon of Fury Passive N/A 1,750 Meat
7 Yakskin.gif
Hide of the Walrus
Your skin becomes as thick as the hide of a walrus, affording additional protection against enemy attacks. +50 Damage Absorption Passive N/A 2,500 Meat
7 Wallop.gif
Furious Wallop
This skill lets you channel some of your Fury (about a gallon's worth) into a powerful, precise strike. A regular attack that is guaranteed to be a critical hit Combat 0
(1 Fury)
2,500 Meat
8 3clawsbig.gif
Claws of the Walrus
You become one with the spirit of the War Walrus, adding additional damage to your attacks. Weapon Damage +7 Passive N/A 3,250 Meat
8 Clubfoot.gif
Club Foot
Through some cruel accident of evolution, 99% of the nerve endings of every sentient creature in the universe are concentrated in their feet. You've learned to take advantage of this fact by reversing the natural order and bringing the stubber to the toe.
  • Weakens enemy defense
  • If you are Furious, it also stuns them
Combat 8 3,250 Meat
9 Tonguewalrus.gif
Tongue of the Walrus
This skill gives you the ability to lick your wounds, healing 30-40 Hit Points and making you feel less beaten up. Non-combat 10 4,000 Meat
9 Madcat.gif
Seething of the Snow Leopard
Snow leopards are always really mad. You probably didn't know this, because they're also really difficult to see when they narrow their eyes, and narrowed eyes are a classic sign of feline anger. Improves Fury bonus weapon damage from +1 to +3 per gallon. Passive N/A 4,000 Meat
10 Cudgel.gif
Lunging Thrust-Smack
This is a thrust-smack with a lunge added to it for good measure. If it connects, will do triple damage to your opponent. Combat 8 5,000 Meat
10 Orca.gif
Ire of the Orca
Orcas are always upset about some supposed indignity they suffered in the ancient past. And they're also really large, so they have more volume to contain their upset in. Fury capacity increases to 5 gallons Passive N/A 5,000 Meat
11 Ballbat item.gif
Batter Up!
Do you ever get so sick of looking at something that you wish you could just hit it with a club and knock it out of your sight?

Sure you do.

Kills and banishes the monster until rollover (can only banish one monster at a time) Combat 0 (5 Fury) 6,250 Meat
11 Reindeer.gif
Rage of the Reindeer
This skill fills you with the rage of thousands of subjugated reindeer. This rage will make you stronger, especially when fighting guys with beards. Rage of the Reindeer
(+10% Muscle and +10 Bonus Weapon Damage)
(10 Adventures)
Non-combat 10 6,250 Meat
12 2clubs.gif
Double-Fisted Skull Smashing
This skill allows you to wield a one-handed weapon in each of your hands. It'll make it much easier for you to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women. Allows dual-wielding Passive N/A 7,500 Meat
12 Cavalcade.gif
Cavalcade of Fury
Sometimes you get so mad that just yelling and stomping around aren't sufficient. Sometimes your anger deserves a parade. Consumes all of your Fury and performs multiple savage attacks Combat 15
(All Fury)
7,500 Meat
13 Blackcold.gif
Northern Exposure
This skill allows you to remember your upbringing in the Frigid Northlands. You'll be as snug as a bug in a rug, even when the wintry wind whips willy-nilly 'cross your nose. Think... the opposite of Sam McGee. So-So Cold Resistance Passive N/A 10,000 Meat
13 Northernexp.gif
Northern Explosion
You've learned to unleash the chill winds of your homeland on your unsuspecting, previous-comfortably-warm foes. It's cold out there. Combat 16 10,000 Meat
14 Moosemusk.gif
Musk of the Moose
By concentrating very hard, you're able to exude moose musk from your pores. The smell of the musk will make you more likely to encounter monsters when adventuring. Musk of the Moose
(Increases Combat Frequency)
(10 Adventures)
Non-combat 10 12,500 Meat
14 Reticle.gif
Precision of the Penguin
Have you ever noticed that when penguins dive into frigid water, they always land exactly where they intend to? No? Well, that's just because you weren't watching carefully enough. But now you'll be able to, because of the extra precision afforded to you by your newfound similarity to penguins. +1% chance of Critical Hit for each gallon of Fury Passive N/A 12,500 Meat
15 Blackhammer.gif
This skill allows you to smash certain pieces of equipment into their magical essences with a tenderizing hammer. Can smash equipment into tasty, bite-sized chunks of the essence of the elements, including non-elemental damage. Grants access to The Malus of Forethought for Muscle classes. Passive N/A 15,000 Meat
15 Trophy.gif
Pride of the Puffin
Like a puffin, you are capable of feats of staggeringly little humility. Pride of the Puffin
(+10 to Monster Level)
(10 Adventures)
Non-combat 30 15,000 Meat
Spookyraven Manor Quest Skill
N/A Wolfmask.gif
Snarl of the Timberwolf
This skill makes you all snarly and spooky. Like a timberwolf. Timberwolves, if you didn't know this, are both the snarliest and the spookiest animals north of the arctic circle. Non-combat 10 N/A
Sea Floor Skill
N/A Hookspear.gif
While underwater, you're capable of fashioning any weapon into a makeshift harpoon, and throwing it with deadly accuracy. X damage; can be used on land as well Combat 30 N/A
Crimbo '09 Skill
N/A Bathroomscale.gif
Holiday Weight Gain
Everybody puts on a little extra weight during the holidays, but you've figured out how to do it any time of the year! A Few Extra Pounds
(+X HP)
(10 Adventures)
Non-combat 10 N/A
The Traveling Trader Skill
N/A Palmtree.gif
Iron Palm Technique
By focusing your chi, or something, you've learned how to make the palms of your hands as hard as iron. The practical upshot is that you can hold swords by the blade and hit people with the hilt. Iron Palms
(Swords count as clubs)
(intrinsic effect)
Non-combat N/A N/A


The amount of Muscle required to attain level L follows the formula Muscle = L2 - 2L+ 5.

Class-Specific Powers

  • +50% HP: Seal Clubbers (and Turtle Tamers) have an innate 50% bonus to their maximum HP.
  • Fury: Seal Clubbers are the only class that can gain and use Fury, which enables or improves the effectiveness of many Seal Clubber skills.
  • Infernal Seals: Seal Clubbers can use special seal figurines to fight powerful monsters a few times per day with no Adventure cost.
  • Club Autohit: Seal Clubbers wielding a club will always hit with Smacks, regardless of monster defense.
  • Bonus Weapon Damage multiplier: Seal Clubbers get Bonus Weapon Damage multiplied when using Smacks, instead of just the base weapon damage.
  • Seal Clubbers who have passed their guild's test can access The Smacketeria and, if they have learned Pulverize, use The Malus of Forethought.
  • Seal Clubbers can cast Clobber in combat for 0 MP.
  • The Adorable Seal Larva's HP-draining ability is more powerful if you are a Seal Clubber.

Class Gear


  • Many Seal Clubbers use their high muscle stat to fight with melee attacks.
  • Seal Clubbers are the only class than can use Fury.



  • The class description refers to the common cliché among role playing games of having at least one Northern, "savage" character class or race (barbarians, vikings, giants, so on).
  • Clubbing seals is a stereotyped practice of northern fur trappers, and an image commonly seized upon by animal rights activists for the apparent brutality against an animal often considered cute and/or friendly.
Seal Clubber
Turtle Tamer
Disco Bandit
Accordion Thief