I am a little overweight and I don’t get many dates because everyone I know is so slim. I have been on a diet all my life and on a perpetual yo-yo with my scale. How do I get a date? Or is it about the weight? The alternative would be that it’s me.

A: You present the classic dilemma about weight. On the one hand there’s the fear that there’s something wrong with the whole you, with who you are at base. On the other hand there’s the belief that if you weighed some perfect amount that would somehow prove that there’s nothing wrong at all.

Nothing in life is perfect. There are things “wrong” with you, and with me, and with everyone we’ll ever meet. And none of us will overcome all of these things and end up perfect some day.

And some of us imperfect people will have a lot of happiness in our lives. And some of us won’t.

It won’t be about how much we weigh. It will be because someplace along the way we found out that we are OK the way we are, and that helped us to find and stay with other people who knew we were OK the way we were.

Everyone needs to decide whether they do or don’t want to regulate their weight. If they decide they will regulate it, the only safe way is under medical supervision. After all, weight is basically about getting enough nutrients so your body can sustain, maintain, and thrive. And those are medical concerns.

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