Growing, transformation, hitting a wall, being or getting stuck

HitTheWallI am in a state that can be compared to the cocoon 1 state. I intend to emerge on the other side as a butterfly.

Wasn’t I a butterfly before? Who knows. But humans don’t live a day or two, like butterflies, and they have more stages than butterflies.

When you grow (if you grow) spiritually your growth pattern is much like…


spiral-staircase2…a spiral staircase: it will return to the same issues (on a higher level) as it makes a complete 360 degree turn. And some of those states need more transformation than others.

I have gone several 360 degree turns, and yet I am again at a place where some major transformation is needed for me to continue rising.

big red easy buttonThe common belief of people is that you can just take a pill, take a class, buy an energy product and it will take you to the rarefied dimension of sages and saints. Much the same way like people who want to make money online keep on buying products that offer a big red button to get it all done: go from no income to full time income to millionaire. No knowledge, no product, no foundation, no skills, no personality, no equipment, no idea, no creativity, no commitment, no “intestinal fortitude” needed… just press the big red button.

The sellers of the products count on you to believe that and to believe them. They sell the heck out of their big red button product, whether it is to promise unlimited abundance, raising your vibration to love, clear your chakras, clear your limiting beliefs, is secondary.

If you believe in big red button solutions then you’ll spend your money on those big red buttons.

But the creators of those big red buttons know that they are selling snake oil: there is no big red button: you need to build the foundation of personhood, you need to have knowledge, product or skills, you need to have personality, you need to know who you are, you need ideas, creativity, commitment, intestinal fortitude to get ahead and stay ahead.

I have a student who was doing great. Coming to coaching, and life was great. But then her mom passed away, and she tumbled into a deep dark “hole”. She continued using the energy products, the remedy, the audios, and yet, her vibration dropped dramatically to near-moron level.

I was watching her, measured her vibration every time a remedy order hit my desk… steady downward spiral.

After a year I suggested that she comes back to coaching. After just one session she turned her life around. One coaching session, one distinction practiced, and she is now, a few weeks after she came back, is doing great and her vibration is back where it was before the fall.

It was both easier and faster than the first time around. Then she will hit another snag: unless she has a transformation, she will probably will be stuck where she is at, or more likely go backwards again.

In nature there is no holding pattern, unless you are growing, you are shrinking

In nature there is no holding pattern, unless you are growing, you are shrinking. And if you refuse to climb the next mountain, then you will fall… deeper than you were when you began.

It’s not a “law”, it is what I have been observing.


I have hit a wall

So… returning to me, I am at a place like that: hit a wall. Unless I am willing to claw my way through this wall, it will be going down, real fast.

In transformation (as in life) it is best to be proactive. If you are not, if you wait until life gives you a big challenge, you will have to go through the upheaval, upset, loss, grieving, before you can attend to transformation.

I have about six conversations any given week where I am looking for the next challenge for me.

The challenge came through the Playground program this time around. In the session where we looked at all the things that we have never said no to, instead we resisted.

When you say “no” effectively, you cut the ties with the thing you say “no” to. When you resist, the ties get stronger and stronger.

Much of what holds you back in life is the ties to all the things you haven’t effectively said no to.

In fact, my problem is: I haven’t been able to figure out how to say no to something my mother said about me when I was three years old. I know how to cry about it, I know how to be defiant about it, I know how to make her wrong for saying it, but I don’t know how to say no to it.

So, I have been sitting with this since Tuesday. No opening, no new insight about how to say no. Instead I get glimpses of what life could be if I managed to say no. I get fleeting images of what is possible, the self-respect, the dignity, and the accompanying financial and social success. Mind boggling. I had, before Tuesday, could never see that those could be mine.

Every no has its flip side, a yes. But until you say the no, the yes is a pipe dream. It is a thing that is not available to you. You may use affirmation. You may go and get hypnotized, energy b.s.-ed, may use activators, remedies, what have you, but until you say that darn no, you are stuck.

So, I am stuck for the time being.

Am I impatient? No, you need to break the cocoon’s walls with your wings: cutting the cocoon open will rob you of the transformation. Am I excited? No. So how do I feel? I feel fear, trepidation.

Why fear? I guess everything new and unfamiliar is naturally fear-provoking. I am happy I feel fear. I hadn’t felt fear in a while. It’s a good sign for me. It means this step, saying no to what my mother said when I was three years old, is the starting point of a brand new life.

Amen to that.


  1. co·coon
    noun: cocoon; plural noun: cocoons
    a silky case spun by the larvae of many insects for protection in the pupal stage.
    a covering that prevents the corrosion of metal equipment.
    something that envelops or surrounds, especially in a protective or comforting way.
    “the cocoon of her kimono”

    verb: cocoon; 3rd person present: cocoons; past tense: cocooned; past participle: cocooned; gerund or present participle: cocooning
    envelop or surround in a protective or comforting way.
    “we began to feel cold even though we were cocooned in our sleeping bags”
    synonyms: wrap, swathe, swaddle, muffle, cloak, enfold, envelop, cover, fold

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven


4 thoughts on “Growing, transformation, hitting a wall, being or getting stuck”

  1. What you describe is exactly my experience. The spiral staircase, the 360 degree turn

    This week (while working on only one thing, acceptance, instead of ten things at once), I have noticed that getting stuck in life seems to correlate with internal physical blockages. This is interesting to me, or, am I noticing something that is irrelevant?

    Thank you Sophie.

  2. I did not say it in the article, because I thought it may distract people, but since Tuesday I am feeling like a dog, and cannot sleep… then I am tired all day. So yes. There is a connection. Both will go away once you go though the wall. And it is easier said than done. At least I have no clue how to say no… to something that was a defining statement in my life.

    Most things that happened in my life would not have happened without that “thing”… lol. I would probably still live in Hungary, be married, with grandchildren.

  3. Ah. So ‘working with the blockage,’ is fixing, and not the answer …? I was thinking I might use breath to somehow access the physical part of the blockage, and see if I could get movement …

    As for saying ‘no,’ consciously, to things that one has not said ‘no’ to before, that feels exciting, and like a whole new vista just opened up … a wonderful possibility has come out of your crappy week … there is a lot of teaching in this too; resistance and reactivity are futile and = no possibilities and more of the same … It seems I can’t be reminded of this too many times.

  4. Starting to deal with the symptoms is what fixing is… there is nothing wrong if you look at the context. The symptoms are the symptoms of the wall… hitting a wall is a sign of moving… good news.

Leave a Reply

