By James Pavel 

 How would you like to pay? “Debit please” will be the future answer from almost every individual waiting in line.

 This human centipede all impatiently awaiting a coffee from Tim Hortons should flow seamlessly. Every exchange between customer and employee should take precisely under one minute, but today and everyday this is not the case because of the absence of actual money. 

 Every single person in line has opted to use the debit terminal, thereby turning a potentially gushing lineup into a delayed medley of wrong-button pushing, late connections, and the horrifying and dehumanizing, insufficient funds. 

 I analyze my neighbourhood and recognize a bank on almost every corner. As recently as ten years ago, one would have to drive to their local bank, but that is no longer necessary because banks are now as ubiquitous as coffee shops. Banks have become filthy rich and are now cornerstones of every suburb and downtown core. A primary reason for their pronounced treasure chests is because men and women can’t refrain from using their debit cards for everything and anything, whether it be a flight to Las Vegas to a slurpee at 7-Eleven. Banks of course profit from this persistent debit use as individuals reguarly over-use their debit cards and are financially penalized or incur numerous bank fees for multiple reasons. 

 I began to shy away from cash a few years ago because every third bill I received in change began to look fraudulent. Many times, the suspicion was accurate, as I would discover five dollar bills that were a quarter inch too short to be considered legitimate. However, the Bank of Canada recognized this and has created outstanding new bills for the 5s, 10s, 20s, 50s and 100s, with such scrupulous detail, that the ability to forge a modern-day Canadian bill would be the work of a wizard. 

 This heavy reliance on debit cards is one of the most non-practical, delayed scenarios businesses must contend with everyday. “Try it again,” “Weird, I just put money in the other day, are you sure your machine is working,?” are cumbersome lines that employees have to withstand everyday because consumers are walking around cashless. 

 Is it strange to request that one would simply take out $100 from a machine to serve as spending money when out shopping to bypass the use of a debit card? Not only does it make a purchase a much more expedient process, but it lessens bank charges and service fees. 

 This cashless society is a slow and tedious one. 

 It is time to replenish our wallets with colourful, dirty paper and park our debit cards for emergencies and actual trips to our local bank institutions. 

 Viva la cash.