Thursday, February 25, 2010

Babybottoms: The Adorable Menace

I want to email or instant message EVERYONE who told me that letting Babybottoms sleep in the bed with me and her dad was going to be a BIG mistake. It would be a VERY simple and to the point email/IM:


That would sum up ALL the nay saying and advice that I should start as SOON as she came home, putting her in the crib/bassinet/etc. Anyone reading this who has a child or children is well aware of all the advice they got (most of the time unwanted) when they were pregnant. It borderlines rude most of the time because a lot of people can't fathom someone elses lil beast of burden being different from theirs. I said it then and I will say it now:

"my kid is MY KID and will act like herself, not your bad ass demon child"

Granted, there are some things that MOST babies will do similarly like cry their ass off because they are teething (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they don't want poop or pee on them (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they are hungry (Babybottoms does that too!!!) get the picture.

Sleeping by herself? She's NEVER really had a problem with this. Is that rare? I don't think so. I think some babies prefer to be with their parental units and others...they want their own space to move about freely. Since she was a newborn, she's been VERY adamant about whatever she wants, almost like she is DEMANDING things. She has recently started screaming/squealing at me like a pig when I'm moving too slow. Kids...

As for the sleeping thing, when she was fresh out the womb, she would fuss if I held her too close. Suffocation wasn't her thing. However, because she was still taking in her environment, she didn't want me too far from her...just not so close. As she got older, she got more vocal about me or her dad being in her space when it came to sleep time. She doesn't mind me putting her to sleep but it has to be in a certain manner and if I don't eventually put her down, she'll wake up with a look on her face that seems to read:


I hadn't been using her bassinet because it was in a totally different room from where we sleep. So she's been sleeping in between us in the bed. Enough was enough when she decided it was a good idea to sharpen her claws on my face...every morning. Who does this??? I cut her nails and she still tried to dig her fingers into my face to wake me up. I had enough of being punched in the eye while I tried to pretend to be sleep so she would go back to sleep. When Babybottoms wants something, she has no problem letting you know she isn't playing. She might as well yelled at me to get my ass up and get her breakfast because that is how treats me. While I was getting mauled by my child, she chooses to pat her father gingerly on the cheek, rub his hair, and attempt to snuggle with him in his favorite blanket.

Little girls are assholes.

Anyway, I got tired of being attacked so I kept annoying her dad to put the bassinet in the same room yesterday and he FINALLY does it. You couldn't tell her it was any different from the bed. She turned over on her side, clasped her hands together and went into dreamland. She slept there all night without so much as a peep. I still had the periodic yelps that mean "get your fat ass up and give me my paci because it's fallen out my mouth, mother" that her dad NEVER seems to hear. It was peace in our household and in our beds.

There was no fighting to get her to sleep and you want to know why? Because my child isn't an indecisive person. I suppose she gets that honestly. Once she decides something is to's that way until I tell her to cut it out. Even then...she'll still stubbornly do what she wants. I know, she's ONLY 5 months but anyone who has kids or about to have one will tell you, some children's actions are VERY deliberate. What I have learned about her is that EVERYTHING is deliberate. If it was up to her, she probably would have been in that bassinet 4 months ago....

So in closing...all you meddlesome folks who want to appear to know my child better than me...take that. Worry about your own irritating spawn and let me attend to mine :)

I must tend to her now; she's doing that irritating pig squeal thing again...

8 points of view:

A.Smith said...

Ahhh yes. The sweet sound of victory.

But let me first say that I was cracking up! Babies are my favorite people because if you pay attention, you'll notice they are so real. Their facial expressions?!?! #classic. 9 times out of 10 it's a look that's some variation of "Why are you so stupid?" I love 'em.

Anywho, folks always wanna tell you how to do your life. Recommendations, suggestions and even the OCCASIONAL anecdote can be ok, however, thanks but no thanks on the "you should definitely do this because this is exactly how it would happen because obviously we live the same life."

Mommy 1 Babybottoms 4 Other people 0

ChiChi said...

CDFU! @ A.Smith's comment.

*stacie-ann said...

awwwwwwwwwwww i can't wait for my little anthony to start beating me up to get out of bed! he's still just little man, but he has so much personality.

i feel you tho' ppl are always trying to tell me what my son is gonna do as if we are raising the same child.. loveeee it. she's too cute.

phallatio said...

My whole life is full of people who think they know better than me. They know how to raise my kids better than me. They know how to do my job better than me. And, best of all, they actually think I am a poor manager of time and they know how to manage my time better than me! It would be cool if I could say that their advice is well meaning, but I don't even think it is! I genuinely think they think they are smarter than me!

Assertive Wit said...

A.Smith:'s sad...Babybottoms is winning

stacie-ann: he'll be so much fun when he isn't limited to staring at you all day long! I could tell what kind of personality my daughter was going to have when I was pregnant with her. Now that she's "here", her attitude really isn't different from when she was in my belly LOL


What an attentive, kind, and patient mommy you are, Ass-Wit.
If there is ever to be one, may I send BabySavvyFatty to your chateau until it reaches the ripe ol' age of 216 months as I have not, nor want not, the patience to care what someone who AIN'T paying the bills wants.
Might be why my baby-maker is still shiny and new. God knows what he doeth. :)

Loved this account of your Adventures in Parenthood!
And the name "Babybottoms?" **melts**

Amanda said...

My niece was like that when she was a baby! She loved being around her Mommy and NOBODY else, but didn't want to be held -- just wanted to be close to her. And now she's very independent and sort of does her own thing...very opinionated and she's only 5!

I'm praying for boys. :)

Assertive Wit said...

SAVOLOUS!: I try but it is MUCH easier to do since she belongs to me LOL I can't promise I would have such patience with your offspring LOL

Amanda: I prayed for a boy and God gave me a girl. Stop praying now. LOL

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