Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Devil or Angel, Which am I?



cube said...

I'm an advocate of tough love myself. I think those two need to grow up & take care of themselves. You don't find a job lounging around watching T.V. They need motivation, not pampering.

S said...

I have to agree w/Cube but if the guys Momma won't cut the apron strings; you will probably be fighting a losing battle.

However if there really are NO jobs in their area & they want to find something in your area; setting up guidelines or a contract of some sort would be a good idea. Just make sure everyone sticks to it. Which might be hard to do.

We had to move in with my MIL once. My 2 INDOOR cats had to stay outdoors; of which one of them died & our dog had to stay in a crate. Within staying at her house for maybe 48 hours, I came home early from work one day to start calling apartments to find her on the phone calling around herself. Another 24 hours found us in the cheapest, scariest apartments I've ever lived in; but I was out of her house...... which suited me just fine. Well until there was a shooting right outside our front door when I was 8 months preg w/my oldest. As soon as that lease was up, we moved out.

A mother is always a mother, so I don't think you are either devil or angel. I will pray that your kids find work.

jafer said...

Help them with the little stuff and stop fretting about their way of life. They chose it, it's up to them to grow up, not for you to try to change them.

Tough love doesn't mean that you can't help them out, but that means "helping" not supporting.

I'm gonna help out my son by letting him stay here for a couple of months while he looks for another place. I've helped him before by letting him stay real cheap. This time I told him he'd have to pay half the rent.

That certainly put a bee in his bonnet, but that's the help I've got to offer, and in turn he can be helping as well by paying the rent.

Stop worrying about them and let them learn to worry about their own lives - you're not a doormat, just someone who loves them.

Callen Damornen said...

From the point of view of the young adults, they are probably afraid of the leaving the safety and security you and the other set of parents are providing. With this kind of help and support, they do not feel an immediate need to leave.

However, it IS your place. As a kid growing up, my mom and dad always made it clear to me that it was their place and we are to live under their rules. As a kid, you have no other choice but to abide by those rules. As an adult you have a choice to abide by the rules or leave. Maybe it is time to lay down the law and enforce it. You are allowing yourselves to become a doormat.

Make it a rule that the kids must go to bed at a certain time. Make a rule that they must wake up, get showered and dressed and get chores done on time. Charge rent or at least get them to pay a bill or two and insist they get some kind of job, even if it is part time at a McDonald's until they find a regular job.

This is not being a bad guy by taking such an approach. This is reasonable. If they object, they are being unreasonable.