Handy In The House

Feels like my house hasn't been decorated since Stone Age times.

ONE of my friends expressed some envy that I was living with a man who was so skilled. Yes, the better half is a cabinetmaker who can expertly turn his hand to most things practical.

Hands up all you women who wish you were married to a man so handy? Yes, well, you can put them down again, if my experience is anything to go by.

The fact that he is perfectly capable of being a demon around the house -  replacing hinges the split second before they need it, changing washers in taps, slapping up fresh wallpaper and paint every year  or replacing the flanpangibbet in the hoogimaflip - doesn't mean he actually does.

I may live with a man with City and Guilds qualifications in all things useful, but Ideal Homes my home isn't, because it works like this...

City and Guilds man spends all day hammering, mending, making, scraping and building so the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is start all over again.

I sometimes get so frustrated that I take up the paintbrush myself. He is horrified because he knows that I’m Mrs Slapdash and will never finish the job to his exacting requirements.

“Drop that paintbrush, and step away from the wall,” he says, eyes narrowed to slits.

He carefully removes the paintbrush from my hand as I try to scrape off the paint that is covering my hair, face, hands, arms and old T-shirt. Now you’d think that this would be his cue to take over, to finish the job with a few majestic sweeps of the brush.

“There, darling, that’s the way we paint a wall.”

But, no. The paintbrush goes into the turps for another day. It feels like the last person to decorate my house was a Neanderthal with a handful of charcoal, painting aurochs and bison.

Still, as my lovely late mother never tired of telling me: “Cobblers’ children always have the worst shoes.”
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  1. Reminds me of a neighbour I had when living in a different city; her husband was a carpenter and she delighted in showing off various things he'd "made" until one day she noticed me watching as a furniture store delivered yet another pretty piece.

  2. That's so funny. I wouldn't mind some nice bought furniture, although I wouldn't pretend The Man had made it!

  3. My husband is an electrician but when our shower needed fixing we had to get someone in because he 'didn't have time'!!!! Susie. x

  4. Yep, plumbers daughter here and we had the worst bathroom, etc.

  5. Oh, this is so true. I feel for you. My house is still decorated for Easter. ~shakes head~ We don't entertain here, and SO doesn't care, so bunnies and Easter eggs have a summery backdrop. Heh... Be well!

    1. Nothing wrong wrong with that - bunnies and Easter eggs are lovely all the year round!

  6. Too funny. Yep, I was married to one that could do things, a jack of all trades but a master of none, but I usually did the stuff around the house. Being divorced going on 27 yrs now, I learned to do most of that stuff for myself.