Combination Food

Wesleyan is a fancy university in the élite Northeast. It is so fancy, the school used its power to create a law prohibiting fast-food restaurants from coexisting on campus—such a combination is looked down upon as something, say, a Middlebury student might enjoy. So, when Wesleyan-born rap duo Das Racist graduated and moved to Brooklyn, they were so shocked by a store that contained both a Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell, they were forced to write this rap song about it and then sing it into YouTube.

Yes, a store selling two kinds of fast food is impressive, but what about a store selling more than two? In downtown Brooklyn, you can find such a grease temple. Look closely, and you’ll notice a KFC, a Nathan’s, the Canadian Tim Hortons, and a Pizza Hut, all under one roof.

Walk four steps inside, and it is soon apparent that after you finish your coffee, donuts, and chicken hot-dog pizza, you can wash it down with some Häagen-Dazs and perhaps one or two more hot dogs.

(Those in the know will tell you that even though Tim Hortons has invaded from the North, replacing a Dunkin’ Donuts, there exists a “secret” menu that allows you to order the good old-fashioned American donuts of yesteryear. Just ask for a Nathan’s footlong “animal-style,” and you’ll get a DD bear claw in a black plastic bag.)

By my count, that’s six fast food stores in one tiny, visibly dirty location. Amazing. The dean of Wesleyan’s twin monocles would shatter at the thought. But why stop at fast food when there are so many other stores that need combination? Allow me to propose:

  1. Liquor store + gun store + bank
  2. Nursing home + banana-peel factory + slide-whistle-testing facility
  3. Blood bank + vampire sports club + garlic plantation
  4. Church + brothel + liquor store
  5. KFC + Nathan’s + Tim Hortons + Pizza Hut + Häagen-Dazs + Dunkin’ Donuts + hospital
