Monday, October 12, 2009

Matrix vs Patrix

Once in awhile a community guy will say that he "sees the matrix" or "sees through the matrix" when he has some kind of social revelation or game-related epiphany.

I say, more often than not, he's not seeing the matrix at all -- but the patrix.

The matrix (maternal) is all things natural and instinctual (including sex). The patrix (paternal) is all things cultural and idealogical (including 'game'). This idea is championed by Sam Keen in The Passionate Life.

The matrix is an encompassing "world of love." The "womb" that surrounds us that we are often unaware of because of our preoccupation with separation and trauma.

"Birth teaches us that we are alone."

"Moments after birth, mother and child look at each other as intimate strangers. Each feels the separation that has occurred. Their early seamless being-together has been torn apart. Now they must learn to communicate."

"The first catechism of the flesh is: Mother is anxious; therefore the world is dangerous. Or, Mother is calm; therefore the world is safe."

As such, 'seeing the matrix' would be a realization of connection, bonding, giving and recieving pleasure, not feeling isolated, shared resonance, and familiarity. I see this as any connection of self to women.

The patrix, on the other hand, is a second 'womb' of culture. It is the "world of knowledge." It has to do with the kin, clan, and society in which we are culturalized. Our perspective, our frame, is never neutral.

"The anxiety caused by the threat of abandonment or punishment keeps us within the walls of the garden. An invisible electric fence of conscience, an unconscious barrier enforced by shame and guilt, keeps us within predetermined boundaries."

"The long period of dependency that characterizes human childhood ensures that all of us will reach adulthood being slightly, or severely, schiophrenic. We each have a character, a shell, a set of conditioned responses, performed opinions and unexamined values, a mask or personality we wear in the prescence of our parents and peers."

So, 'seeing the patrix,' is a realization that you are not your programming. Your conditioned response is not the one that serves you best. Freedom gained from first-hand experience trumps assumed truths.

Almost always, the social epiphanies that community guys talk about are best classified as 'seeing the patrix.' Patrix realizations have to do with the percieved control or managed impression of some 'other.'

Patrix realization: I can impose a frame.
Matrix realization: I can have a frame without imposing it.

Patrix realization: Style matters.
Matrix realization: Style does not matter.

Patrix realization: Women love sex.
Matrix realization: Women love sex with me.

Some things that I'm inviting people to think about: Ego drives vs body drives. Connecting with a 'community' (of guys) vs connecting with women. Public realizations ('the field') vs private realizations (the bedroom).

It will come as no surprise (to some of us) that Sam Keen talks a lot about the importance of play and sensation as far as seeing through the patrix and into the matrix. Think about the intensity of the ah-ha moments you have in playful exploration vs the ones you have in moments of seriousness.

"Before the fall into culture the unadapted child, who still exists in the depth of every psyche, is an unashamed hedonist."

He goes on to talk about anhedonia, consensual paranoia, and the idea that normality is the greatest perversion.

Good stuff.


"We are most deeply threatened not by the fires of hell, but by the pleasures of paradise." -Sam Keen

Monday, October 05, 2009

Sex and Happiness

Some guys locally have been talking about happiness.

Does getting laid make you happy?

Does being happy help you get laid?

Is a man who is not getting laid fundamentally angry?

Is a man who is getting laid fundamentally happy?

Whether sex 'makes you happy' or not is a false dualism.

They are mutually exclusive.

Like anger and playfulness.

Like confidence and esteem.

Like animalistic sex and empathic connection.

Like peanut butter and chocolate.

Three understandings that I encourage (to help you attain more sex, not necessarily more happiness):

1. Animal impulses represent a natural harmony of opposites independent of intimacy, tenderness, acceptance, approval, validation, and other egoic drives.

2. Society portrays SNLs/ONSs/sex-without-love as crude, selfish, and animalistic in an attempt to preserve the institution of marriage. (Average Frustrated Community Guy starts to learn that women love no-strings sex and have insatiable sex drives, but still experiences a lot of guilt from value system programming that prevents him from declaring things like 'I want to have sex with 100s of women.')

3. A single evening of sex can be totally free of mutual exploitation. It can indeed be full of empathy, connection, gratitude, sensuality, eroticism, foreplay, afterplay, and, yes, animalistic fucking. It can be fun, rewarding, and rich while maintaining independence and emotional involvement for all parties.

A good thread would be called "On Lust" and everyone weighs in. That's one topic that - surprisingly - the community rarely talks about.


PS. I'll tell you why "Ilovethepickupscene." Because I never expected it to change my life. I did not come to the community expecting it to bring me happiness. Or success, or empowerment, or enlightenment, or whatever.

I sucked with women. And I knew that it was only up to me to change that.

I don't feel duped, cheated or misled in any way.

The community is amusing. It's entertaining. It's immensely helpful for getting girls.

It's allowed me to build friendships with men too.

I think that's pretty cool.

Thanks guys.