we’re asking you to come on back to jurassic park and give us another try

the question on everyone’s mind: how can you afford to open another iteration of your consistently doomed dinosaur theme park? well, we found another country willing to fund the development of dinosaurs as weapons.

(it’s paraguay. paraguay is going big-hog on army dinos in 2016)


Q. Are your park employees trained to have a haunted look of panic at all times?
A. maybe

Q. Why was there a live juvenile raptor in my hotel room minibar?
A. we don’t know

Q. I overheard a tour guide casually refer to park-goers as “charcuterie,” is this a term of endearment?
A. if you want

Q. My family and I arrived two days ago, and we are constantly in a state of being eaten. What is your refund policy?
A. ha ha what is that