Monday, January 07, 2008

Okay, I'm Maybe A LITTLE Crazy

First of all, I gotta tell you, I cannot beLIEVE how many people come here by googling "knitting pattern willy warmer". It's not surprising that my site should come up, since I mention a pattern on this post. But it is surprising to me that it comes up on my keyword search just about EVERY DAY. Seriously, how many people are out there dying to knit willy warmers?? It's a bit of work for a gag gift (I'd rather just put a rubber band around the top of a tube sock) are they really and truly interested in knitting one for utility's sake? Hey, if you got here searching for that, clue me in. 'Cuz if they're really that great, hey, maybe Travis could use one. He's open-minded.

Would you like to read the conversation I had with myself today as I left my office building? (You read that right. It wasn't a full-throttle whackjob conversation out loud, complete with animated hand gestures and everything - but it was one of those kind of in-your-head conversations you have, where you ask yourself a rhetorical question, and then kind of respond to yourself, and it goes on from there until you realize, "Oh my God I'm having an internalized full-out weighty discussion with myself" and go back to having a single thought about, I don't know, gouda cheese. You do have those, right? It's not just me, right? Right?!)

Anyway, nutso or not, here's about how it went:

Brain-Alyson #1: Ugh. Can't believe it's almost dark out here at 5:30. Isn't that ridiculous? Stupid Florida. God I hate it here.

Brain-Alyson #2 (who apparently LOVES it here, effing traitor): What?! Come on, you can't blame the DARK on Florida.

B-A #1 (heh. I like "B-A"; I'm going to pretend it stands for "Bad-Ass"): I can blame whatever I WANT on Florida. It's dark. I don't like that. Things I don't like are to be blamed on Florida. Therefore, the dark is Florida's fault!!

B-A #2: That's insane. It's getting dark all along the east coast right now. It's getting dark in Atlanta. In Charlotte. In Baltimore. In Philadelphia. In New Hampshire...not that that's going to slow down the candidates and their stupid stumping any. Seriously, can we talk about batshit crazy Giuliani for a second...'cuz I'm pretty sure he's unstable or....

B-A #1: You're changing the subject! Why do you always do that?! The point is Florida is to blame for dark. Sunshine State my ass! It's 5:30 and it's DARK!

B-A #2: By that logic, you should blame Florida for everything you don't like. Does THAT make sense?

B-A #1: YES. YES IT DOES. In addition to early darkness, Florida is now responsible for bell peppers, the sounds people make while chewing, the speech patterns of that Ira Glass guy on NPR, traffic, global warming, the paparazzi, and Dick Cheney.

B-A #2: Actually, that last one's kinda true, if you think about it. And we do hate bell peppers an awful lot.

B-A #1: Yes we do.

B-A #2: Stupid Florida.

At which point I arrived at my car and drove home. (And if that doesn't worry you....but to be fair, I'm really not crazy, I've checked. I just occasionally think out my thoughts in blog-post-worthy format. It's all for you.)