Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Defect Oberoi will patch up with Sullen Khan on Bas Khatam

I confess that of late I've become a huge fan of Sullen Khan's back slapping boys will be boys bogus quiz fest Bas Khatam. Such is Sullen's lunkhead charm and ability to disarm his high profile guests, that everyone sheds their guard and plays along. The star men guffaw and reveal alpha male secrets, the star women roll their eyes and try to impress Sullen with juicy stuff. Either way, its delightful and frothy TV.

Yes, there are questions - but until now I haven't paid much attention to them.

And now: remember Defect Oberoi? The guy once fell in some tagdaa love with Bollywood's new age legend Mesmerya Rai. Unfortunately Mesmerya's previous man - Sullen - took that liaison quite hard. Pretty soon Defect's phone was being peppered with threatening phone calls.

At this point Defect did the unthinkable. With Mesmerya away on some vilaayati shooting, Defect issued a call to the press and revealed Sullen's distinctly unstar-like behavior to the presswallas. Clearly Defect had crossed the line. Mesmerya dumped him (ironically by SMS). Sullen declared war on him. Everyone moved on since except Defect's career - which is still under kaala paani by Sullen.

Defect tried hard to make up. He once mimed a public apology on stage during an awards show to Sullen, but to no avail. Recently Defect sent out feelers again - even offering to be on my favorite show Bas Khatam with Sullen.

As soon as I heard this I called Sullen.

"Sullen, is it true!" I asked "Defect will be on your show!"

"Jee ha!" hollered Sullen "He will be there David"

"Um, this is Aspi. Are the dates nakki?"

"Arre, sorry for the mix up yaar. Its still only 2 pm in the morning - can't blame me. Yes, the dates and questions have been planned"

"Can I know what the questions are?" I begged "My readers would love to see them in advance!"

"Sure" yawned Sullen. "Check with my secretary tomorrow"

"Cool" I said.

"You aren't going to ask me when I'll do shaadi?"

"I wasn't planning to ask this time"

"God bless you!" Sullen hung up with a flourish.

The next day I called Sullen's secretary and reminded her of his promise. Sure enough in an hour the producers at Phoney Entertainment had emailed me a list of questions.

I'm sharing these with the millions of fans of Bas Khatam, Sullen and Defect. No need to thank me.

Rs 10,000 question: 40% range
Kitne pratishak people believe that the press does as much harm as good?

Rs.1,00,000 question: 30% range
Kitne pratishak men have taken a pangaa with their girlfriend's ex-boyfriend?

Rs.10,00,000 question: 20% range
Kitne pratishak men have been called a waiter by their ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's brother?

Rs.1,00,00,000 question: 10% range
Kitne pratishak men look at their current girlfriends and think about the hottie that got away?

Rs.10,00,00,000 question: You have to pick a number
Kitne pratishak people in India use SMS to break up?

Boy, should be a terrific show!

F*** my life! - more Sullen Khan on the Drift


Mind Rush said...

LOL, brilliant, Drift saab! You have outdone yourself. Love the name Sullen Khan...and love the questions.
However, Drift saab-please be cautious! You don't want Sullen Khan sending scores of angry emails to the Drift...

Anonymous said...

pic of Sullen K looks like sexy matador saying: "Pangaa le ke to dekh!"

Aspi said...

Anon, I like that caption - I'll try to find time to put it in.

Mind Rush, Sullen shouldn't be pissed, no? If he is as yaar dildaar and leg pulling as he makes himself out to be - he should have a good laugh and give me a huge hug.

musical said...

:-D :-D :-D

Those were some seriously hilarious questions :) :).

Beth said...

I kind of...sorta...when I stop and remember him...don't dislike Vivek. But yeah, what HAS happened to him? I like him lazing around in "Ganpat" from Shootout at Lokhandwala but can't think of a thing he's done since. He looks pretty good in a recent Filmfare fashion spread, though.

Aspi said...

He's done a bunch of movies - all flops and more importantly and unfortunately not high profile enough.

The problem is that he is too pricey (and to be fair ambitious) to keep acting in the smaller films. So he needs to play with the big banners. Here he can survive one lobby (Bachchans), but not two (Bachchans and Salman). So he needs to make amends - fast!

Tanvi said...

Funny post :o)

Pitu said...

rofl! You are so vile, Aspi! :-)))

Anonymous said...

Rs.100,00,00,000 question: You have to pick a number
Kitne pratishak drift fan are rolling on the floor reading this?

Aspi said...

You all are too kind. Ok, we'll be all serious for the next one coming up this weekend. Time to do something different.

Pitu said...

Also, it's pratishat (shat being 100) not pratishak unless thats's how Sullen pronounces it..

*~mad munky~* said...

lol @ Bas Khatam! i haven't yet managed to sit through an entire show - it's too loud for my sensitive ears! bit like those indian comedy shows where the same worn out comedians turn out week after week after week...i never get the joke :o(