7 Times Marriage Didn’t Make Things Better

A new study claims marriage makes you happy and less stressed. Don’t tell that to these couples

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According to new research, published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, the key to happiness just might be marriage.

The study concluded that people who get and stay married—especially if they’re married to their best friend—end up more fulfilled and satisfied with their lives than people who remain single. “Marriage may be most important when there is that stress in life and when things are going wrong,” reported the New York Times.

Maybe. But we’ll bet we could find a few examples that disprove this theory. Here are 7 married couples who maybe aren’t having a better time at life because they put a ring on it.

(You and your wife aren’t like any of these wackos, right? No, no, of course... not. Um... well, if you just want to be sure, we've got 5 diagnostic checks to help you find out once and for all, How Strong is Your Marriage?)

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1. Married Couple Steals 57 Blocks of Cheese from Walmart
As WRCB’s Sara Sidery reports, no one is really sure why this Tennessee couple decided it was time to steal an exorbitant amount of cheese from Walmart. The dynamic duo was so feta up with their lives, they munstered up the energy to Monterey Jack not 1, not 2—but 57 blocks of cheese from the store.

Cheese might make most of us happy, but based on this couple’s mugshots, they’re feeling nothing but blue.

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2. Married Couple Robs Speedway, Buys Heroin
According to CBS affiliate WSBT, this couple thought the speediest way to get money was to take it from a Speedway. I mean, nothing says “happiness” like shooting up heroin and stealing a lukewarm chilidog from a gas station.

Nothing says “no stress” like frantically shaving your beard off in a rundown motel room so the cops can’t identify you.

And nothing says “til death do us part” like a stolen Mountain Dew Code Red Slurpee split between two junkies.

At least these two will have plenty of stories to tell their beloved children, Twinkie Rae and Lil Krispy Kreme.

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3. Married Couple Squats in a Foreclosed Mansion
Just because you're squatting in a million dollar home doesn't mean you feel like a million bucks. As People’s Caitlin Keating reports, this couple had the audacity to make an empty mansion their own three years after it had been foreclosed on.

The only thing emptier than their fake home were their vows: “I take you, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as we can crash in a millionaire's house and pretend we're rich. I do.”

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4. Married Couple Accused of Stealing Christmas Decorations
As FOX31’s Thomas Hendrick reports, this odd couple went full Grinch last year when they decided to steal Christmas decorations from their neighbors' yards and dump them into their own.

Eighteen-year-old Jeremy Lewallen and 42-year-old Carrie Carley overcame their obvious age difference, but much like the chrome ornaments they stole, their marriage is quickly shattering.

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5. Married Couple Arrested For Having Sex in a Park
Walking around the park is a great way to relieve stress. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the newlyweds are reverse cowgirling on the hiking trail.

That’s right—according to thesmokinggun.com, this couple was caught bumping and grinding in broad daylight.

Now, it's hard to argue that these two lovebirds aren't happy, but if three teenagers stumble on you with your pants around your ankles on the Oregon Trail, it's pretty safe to say things aren't going well. At least they found a way to put the moan back in matrimony.

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6. Married Couple Arrested for Selling Counterfeit Zoo Passes
According to WDRB.com, this next couple was caught selling counterfeit zoo passes to unassuming animal lovers.

For some, the zoo is a great metaphor for married life: you're stuck in cage and you can't get out. The food isn't great, the sex is worse, and everyone around you is wearing khakis.

This Louisville couple might have sold counterfeit tickets to the zoo, but I’d argue that they're the real animals.

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7. Married Couple Arrested For Eating a Rotisserie Chicken in Walmart
As crimefeed.com’s Leslie Simon reports, this couple couldn’t wait to get home from Walmart to start devouring their chicken.

Now, cockle-doodle-don't assume this married couple is happy just because they were eating chicken. It's easy to KFC that their relationship was struggling.

As they watched that greasy rotisserie spin round and round, they realized their marriage, too, was leading them nowhere. Soon, it would be nothing but bones.

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