Wednesday, September 5, 2012

uh, this is kind of mean you guys.

An unnamed sibling sent this link to momma:

For those of you who are link-averse, it's a list of ways to HUMILIATE YOUR PET. ON PURPOSE. What is with hoomans today? That's just so... mean. MEAN. You really don't have to go there. 

Seriously world, when did it become funny to abuse anyone??

BTW if you have money to waste on this trash, may I suggest you buy yourself some soul redemption [if you still have a soul, and send the cash to:

Tidewater Bichon Frise Rescue
PO Box 8084
Suffolk, VA 23438
Tax ID: 20-0113357

or to any other rescue of your choice. That would be far more impressive that buying garbage like this. Yea, trust me, sophomoric, puerile attempts at humor does not "turn" anyone on!

It makes me worry that people will take things too far and do something that actually harms animals. I mean, that bath contraption looks kind of dangerous.

Now, It order to help my fellow four-leggeds fight this infuriating "fashion", I've compiled a list of the ways WE can humiliate them. Here goes:

1. Poop. Hoomans get very embarrassed about all things poop-related. I'm not sure why, though. Mine is really fantastic, it smells like cupcakes and chicken liver (I'm a theif! :)). A well-placed poop can subject your hooman to a bounty of embarrassment! Important dinner guests? POOP. Front hall rug.  Full audience. Neighbor outside watering the lawn? POOP. 

2.Hooman toots and tries to blame you? KNOWING GLANCE IN THE DIRECTION OF OTHER HOOMANS.

3. Hooman Art Project. As most hoomans are not covered in luxurious fur (I would say all, but we went to the beach a couple of weeks ago and I saw a hooman with a better coat than me, nofair.), their bald skin is the perfect canvas for an art project. Just get some markers and wait until they sleep. If they think a stick-on mustache is funny on a dog, wait to see how funny a permanent-marker mustache is on a hooman!

4. Start a blog. I didn't start the blog to humiliate my hoomans, but it has been a wonderful bonus. Since my post on Dowi's air petting, she hasn't attempted to air pet even once. I WIN (bellyrubs).

5. When you have company over, make sure you find your human's oldest, ugliest underwear and then parade it around like a national flag... it is wonderfully effective as humiliation devices go.

6. The old TP stand by. Make sure there is not a square left on the roll. Just take it out of the bathroom so they have no ample notice, if you catch my drift.

7.This one is to punish the prudish owner... Wait until you are in public and then... casually hump they leg like you are accustomed to that ...

8. Limp like you are lame. Limp like you are a member of the firm of Sick, Sore, and Lame. Let them take you to the vet and then, act like your owner is nuttier than auntie Emma's fruitcake.  Walk perfectly well, act like you are the life of the party. Catchhhhing.... that vet visit will cost in $$$ and humiliation.

9. My all time fav, as taught to me by JD. When you want to put a hooman in his/her place...lift your leg and mark them, letting the world know who is boss... It scars them for life.  And if you really want to remove any doubt... Do it again. [that kind of humiliation drives them to therapy ... ok for some it's a short walk,,, like two steps....but enough my family]

10. And for those with guilt issues, here is something that you can do in total anonymity... grab their keys and deposit them in the toilet. Then just sit back and watch.

What do you guys do to humiliate your hoomans? Anything I should add to the list?


And... this "trend" of "humiliating your pet" needs to stop unless you don't mind letting the world know that you are a seriously immature... pathetically inept  human. It is abuse, you know...

And ...GIZMODO... GROW UP!  You are NOT trendy, you do however appear DESPERATE for hits or you would not be posting this garbage. OFF MY READING LIST  and it should be OFF YOUR READING LIST! 

OK, I feel better now.
I have said my peace



Flea said...

Tricks like that are NOT amusing. Poor babies. My babies don't play tricks on me, so I don't see why I should play tricks on them.

silvieon4 said...

Now, that is a great attitude. Obviously you are a person of taste and class. My kind of hoooman!