Taking Yourself On: Want to Stop Bipolar Anger? Now You Can!

By Debbie Jacobs

It may not be easy but with practice, you can train your brain to focus on your goals instead of your anger.


Have you ever found yourself so consumed in your anger that it was literally all you were thinking about? All of your thoughts focused on your anger, rage, upset, and hurt feelings—and you weren’t focused on anything else? I found myself like this a lot, until I started to notice people close to me and their happiness. I was unhappy due to constant ruminations of anger that were robbing me of the opportunity to focus and strategize my own happiness, too.

I soon recognized how clearly my anger and negative thinking was getting in the way of my happiness and my life. I was stuck in non-productive, angry thoughts when I could have been focused on productive thoughts that actually served me, not just upset me and distracted me from what was actually important to me—creating happiness in my life.

What I learned during that time is that my thoughts went to anger because that was the easiest topic that came to mind; the first topic, too. I was doing a lot of walking during this time and when I would be on a walk, my thoughts would just go to their default topic, which was anger over circumstances in my life.

To take on my anger, I had to take on my thinking. It was literally like prying my thoughts off the topic of anger. I started changing the topic almost like changing the channel on TV.

When on a walk, I would choose the topic to think about instead of letting my mind pick up where it left off with anger. This started to make a difference and made it easier to control my thinking by steering my mind in the direction I wanted to be in—what I call “productive thinking.”

This thinking benefited me, didn’t create upset, and would help me with my goals. This thinking became about strategizing my happiness and not unconsciously staying in my unhappiness and anger: a total waste of time and mental energies.

I started taking on all my angry thinking. If I was ruminating in anger, my goal was to stop and redirect my thinking, again, like changing the channel. This took time, commitment, and determination, but eventually my mind got the message and I made it out of the angry thoughts I was stuck in.

On my walks, I got my mind to default to my goals and no longer my anger. Boy, did I feel better about this, too!

This was very helpful for me to get out of a period that I was stuck in, obsessing over angry thoughts. It also motivated me to take on my anger once and for all. My anger had gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years: it got me into fights, embarrassed me, sabotaged relationships, created insecurity and caused tremendous pain TO ME. It became reactionary and out of my control.

When I realized it was in the way of my happiness, it had to go. I was so fed up with my anger, and with myself and my own reactions. I was tired of the whole process of being set off like a top being spun out of control, doing destruction and damage.

I finally decided I needed to find some other way to handle myself so I didn’t keep reacting in anger and creating upset for myself and others.

Maybe this is the point I needed to get to because when I finally made up my mind to take on my anger, I solved my anger problems once and for all.

I learned ways to implement assertiveness, effective communication skills, boundaries, respecting opinions, patience, and empathy. I also realized the importance of not: taking things personally; diffusing situations; conflict resolution skills; avoiding fighting; creating peace; and creating positive outcomes.

When I learned these new ways of being, I was able to stop my old ways that never served me and—for the first time ever—I experienced inner peace.

Anger was not an easy coping skill to get rid of; it was actually very hard. It took tremendous discipline, sitting in my anger and not acting on it—acute self-awareness.

It took a promise that no matter how hard the process got, I stayed committed to the desired result of being free of my anger problems (which meant no longer using anger as a coping skill).

It took researching new effective coping skills and it took months to accomplish making this positive change in my behavior. A lot of times internal signs of anger trigger reactions in our bodies, so this also took getting in touch with the visceral effects of anger and learning to keep the body calm, especially during conflict.

The goal is not to never be angry; the goal is to have effective ways of handling anger when it comes up and also to not have it as my “go to” coping skill.  The goal is not to have anger problems running and ruining my life. And with my anger in control, my happiness has increased and so has my confidence.

This is called the “Taking Yourself On” series.  I will be writing about an ineffective coping skill and how I took it on for freedom and happiness. And how when we make self-improvement, we make life improvement.  What are we improving on? What doesn’t serve us? When we find new ways for ways that don’t serve us, our happiness increases.

Learn more:
The Diagnosis Acceptance Rollercoaster—Confronting Anger
The Rage Inside: Mastering Explosive Irritability and Anger

About the author
Debbie Jacobs is an advocate, writer and healing specialist living in Alexandria, Virginia. She lived most of her adult life with a diagnosis of depression, anxiety and bipolar and speaks out on how self-improvement is life improvement and believes we all can live happy lives just by making positive change to ourselves. Her influences are Louise Hay, Napoleon Hill, Les Brown and Tony Robbins. She does positivity life coaching and is in the process of writing her first book on her healing process of accomplishing positive thinking, positive effective coping skills and healthy self-esteem, what she calls “freedom and happiness.” She shares her work to motivate, inspire and help others make positive change to themselves for their freedom and happiness too.
  1. Hi Debbie my name is Rob and I struggle with severe anger issues p.t.s.d. I do receive social security and Medicare and Medicaid for health coverage. The problem is I live in a city in Virginia where it is conservative and most providers won’t or don’t accept my insurance or the one’s that do are completely booked… I also have a mother severely mentally ill a younger brother who died from suicide in 2017 and I’m bad with money which has led me to be homeless… My question how can one not be angry and bitter at a system that treat’s the mentally ill like criminals or murderers and offer’s no help or counseling or support system to one’s like myself who has a poor relationship with their families no friends and no one who seems to care about what happens to me or others like me?? I hardly drink do no street drugs have no criminal record… But because the anger issues are so severe I’m afraid I’m going to hurt someone or someone is going to hurt me that I could become incarcerated or even dead?! P.s. I do want a better life… I just don’t know where to start???

  2. hi debbie im david my son is bipolar. and he dont ask for nothing to his mom or brother. he only ask me .for money or used the pick up truck. if i said no. he get vary vary angry to me. what i can do to help him. thxs

    1. Hi David, I lived with bipolar, depression, anxiety and had a job, a MS degree and a fully independent life and career. Bipolar has to do with ineffective coping skills. Just like getting my degree, he can learn too. He gets angry but he can learn through rational reasoning that accepting no is not something he has to get angry about, it is a part of life and learning to teach effective ways of handling his emotions helps him and your family. It is okey for you to have boundaries and to teach him boundaries too. Understand that anger is an way of expressing himself because he doesn’t have the communication skill to express himself more effectively. Encourage him to operate with assertion and use assertion communication in th home, no aggression! Alway help him to diffuse his anger and he will learn to do so himself. Feel free to let me know if you if you need any further advice. Thanks for you message.


    1. wonderful and hope you enjoyed the meal! It’s an important topic, more to come.

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