Monday, February 25, 2013

Sequester disaster! DUmmies blame Rethuglicans!

Last week President Obama held a photo op an important news conference in which he warned Americans of the dire, disastrous consequences if the Eeevil Republicans have their way and the dreaded, draconian SEQUESTER goes into effect!! Jobs will be lost! Vital services will be lost!! LIVES will be lost!!! Planes will fall out of the sky! First responders won't be there to respond! Teachers will be out of a job! Roads and bridges! Crumbling infrastructure! SCHOOLS! Children's SCHOOLS, Mandrake! The Children--think of The Children!!!!

"My fellow Americans, just look at these carefully selected stage props these brave first responders standing here behind me! Look at their nice spiffy uniforms! See the pretty blonde lady! See the African-Americans! We've even thrown a couple white guys in there too. I think one of them may be Hispanic. But the point is, they will all be out of a job AND LIVES WILL BE LOST if we don't stop those mean, nasty Republicans!"

The President, who is in Permanent Campaign Mode (PCM), conveniently leaves out a few facts. Like, he himself had signed the sequester bill into law. Like, the sequester "cuts" would amount to about 2% of current spending--in other words, back to the spending levels of just a few years ago. Like, HOW the spending cuts would be APPLIED, which services and programs would be cut, would be up to . . . him, President Obama, the Chief Executive. If he wants to threaten to eliminate first responders or let airplanes fall out of the sky, that would be his choice. He COULD choose to cut other, less "vital" programs, such as: Free cell phones for Obama voters. Diversity indoctrination training for the military. Push-up training for transgendered female recruits, so they can do five push-ups wearing their specially issued push-up bras. That sort of thing. But no. Can't cut those things. Planes will fall out of the sky first.

Obama's Obedient Media (OOM) lap it all up. They've got Fiscal Cliff 2.0 to play with. Obama's Obedimedia couldn't be happier.

And the DUmmies--well, the DUmmies of course swallow the snake oil that Our President is selling. We're all gonna die!! Women and minorities hardest hit! And it's all the Rethuglicans' fault. Boehner, he's the chief villain. Johnny Sequest. Cryin' Sequest.

We'll look at just a couple of the DUmmieland threads, namely, this THREAD, "Obama Warns Looming Sequester Would Devastate Economy," and this THREAD, "MSNBC's Matthews: Sequester Cuts Are a 'Doomsday Machine."

So let us now go to DUmmieland and witness the deep doom and despair, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who would prefer to see government spending cut by at least 50%, is in the sequestered [brackets]:

Obama Warns Looming Sequester Would Devastate Economy

[We're all gonna DIE!!!!!!!!!!]

Source: NBC NEWS
[What a surprise.]

President Barack Obama used his bully pulpit Tuesday . . .

[President Barack Obama used his bullsh*t teleprompter Tuesday . . .]


[Calamitous!! Then there are some predictable quotes from the clown. Blah, blah, blah. So let's go to the DUmmies . . .]

Obama proposed sequestration knowing the danger.


Saying that 'Obama proposed sequestation' is like parents proposing to pay a ransom to the people who are holding their child.

[They're holding our CHILD! That's what this is! BAD Rethuglicans! EEEVIL Rethuglicans!!!]

I think people are getting wise to the Republican strategy of screw the middle-class and the poor just so the 1% gets richer.

[Think no deeper than that. That's all you need to know. On everything.]

The problem with the United States is this extremist Republican Party led mostly by certain males in the South. The sooner these racists are gotten rid of in Government the better the U.S. will be off.

[Send them off to Gitmo! Sequester them there!]

The Republican Party can kiss my behind!

[Calm down, benburch!]

The Republican party is the party of angry old white men. Hopefully, as these angry old white men stop voting. . . .

[Kill the angry old white men! Death panels!]

$85 billion of the 3.8 Trillion dollar Budget is around 2.8% of the Budget.

[QUIET! Don't confuse us with the facts! People will lose their JOBS! People are gonna DIE!!]

Mr. President, Sir . . . please stop with the scare tactics.

[What else does he got? He's the Fearmongerer-in-Chief. But please continue, DUmmie Myrina, with your surprisingly sensible observations . . .]

it's BS and making all of the news-watching lemmings panic.

[Hmm, let me see if I can scrounge up enough money in our budget for a Kewpie Doll here . . .]

POTUS speaking in these terms makes it sound like at midnight, on March 1, the barn door will be left open and all the ooga-booga terraists will come flooding into the US and kill us all in our sleep. That's just not responsible Presidentin', in my opinion.

[And the winner . . . for Best Brief Moment of Mental Clarity by a DUmmie in a Sequester Thread is . . . {blows in envelope} . . . DUmmie Myrina! . . . {thunderous applause} . . . DUmmie Myrina, come up here and get your Kewpie! Love the dress, by the way. . . .]

It's all too damn big for me. From my limited understanding, there will be cuts to military spending, education, what little infrastructure we have left. Jobs will be lost, people who received federal assistance will lose it? Just, the scale of such a thing, the overall impact, is rather mind boggling. Are we talking about yet another recession? Or something worse? My understanding of economics is rather vague.

[We can see that, DUmmie davidthegnome.]

Make sure ALL the cuts take place in RED states only

[Can we have our taxes cut accordingly, too?]

Make them pay!


So we're supposed to worry about $85 Billion a YEAR? I still think it's a bit overblown.


MSNBC's Matthews: Sequester Cuts Are a "Doomsday Machine"

[That's MSDNC's Chrissy "Tingles" Matthews, the Voice of Reason, the Elder Statesman, Head Acolyte of Obama's Obedient Media (OOM).]

Chris Matthews: "It's a down and dirty world when you decide chopping down the government and hurting the economy is the smart move. But bring it all down is now the hard right battle cry. Slash spending, short the pentagon, screw up traffic control, whatever raises the noise level, bashes Democrats and lowers hope. Is this the tea party dream? Is this John Boehner's version of feeding time at the zoo, giving the crazies what they want so they will sit in their seats and behave? Is this final payment to insanity the last vestige of what calm Republicanism is ready to cough up? But how else can you explain the readiness of the GOP leadership to let this Frankenstein's monster, this doomsday machine, this sequestration go all out berserk? How else can we understand the party of Lincoln doing such economic damage to the Republic, such damage and moral to the people?"

[Brilliant. Such piercing analysis. Such calm, reasoned discourse. It sends a thrill up my leg.]

Did Matthews propose any spending reductions?

["Spending reductions"? "SPENDING REDUCTIONS"?? The Rethuglicans are holding our children hostage, and you're talking about "SPENDING REDUCTIONS"?? What kind of a moran are you???]

we need to spend MORE. . . . stimulus. . . . Huge investments in infrastructure along with work programs. . . . the wealthiest . . . mega corporations . . . taxes. . . . military must be cut drastically. . . .

[The "balanced approach."]

Read Time expose ruinous Health Care
Means test recipients, raise level of ss tax to a million, have Medicare reem bursement the norm. Double drug enforcement pn borders. Have pharmacutical companies
And doctors pay for opiate addiction treatment. Use cocaine sentence guidelines for opiate and meth dewlers.

[I think someone has been dewling in some opiate and meth him-or-herself. Reen forcement of DUmmies as dopes the norm. Brains test DUmmies. Double down pn disorders.]

Friday, February 22, 2013

DUmmies Divided on Obama's Golf-Oil Links




Obama played golf with oil giants during climate rally





[Bill Clinton was there too?]











[DUmmie lunatica responds . . .]



Ha-ha-ha! That's very're a card!





[DUmmie lunatica scored a hole-in-DUmb.]


[Yeah, he could be their caddy!]



I can't think of anything that makes him look good.

[That's what I've been saying for five years now.]

The guy was on a short, well earned vacation.



[You mean he wasn't??]



[I didn't know Tiger swung that way, benburch.]

You can't kick an ass unless you get close to it.


[Hee! Hee! Touché on the tushy!]


["Some reason" = $$$.]


[Vacations are their vocation.]


[Kewpie Doll time. Have one, DUmmie magellan.]










["Whoa-oh, they're herding for the pipeline,
Now I'm longing for the front nine;
They're herding for the pipeline,
And I'm just about to lose my spine.
Money, money, yeah . . ."]

the golf trip was planned around Presidents' Day/weekend.



[The Foulsome Foursome.]


[It's a Cheney-link offense.]



Putt putt? If so, I'm in.

[DUmmie limpyhobbler wants a Mini-golf Summit.]




[It's par for the course in DUmmieland.]

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Couponing Advice For DUmmies

As many of you know I have a HUGE passion for couponing. I mean I eat, breath, sleep, and dream coupons. It is constantly on my mind, especially working out new coupon strategy scenarios. Like last Thursday when I figured out how to score FREE Kellogg's breakfast bars which enabled me to also score FREE BO sticks. I won't go into the exact details but the first item did allow me to score the second item FREE. However, on Saturday morning when I attempted to do this same deal again, I found out that the Kellogg's coupons had expired the prior day so after a bit of quick thinking on my part, I substituted FREE Yakisoba noodles for the Kellogg's which allowed me to again score FREE BO sticks. 

Okay, I think you get the point. I am a FANATIC on the subject of couponing to the extent that I also have a blog called THE COUPON WHISPERER. So what does this have to do with DUmmies? Simple. I just read a DUmmie THREAD, "How do you trim expenses?" that demonstrates not just an amazing amount of stupidity on how to trim expenses but, apparently, a complete ignorance on the part of the author, DUmmie alarimer, on the entire subject of couponing. So let us now watch the DUmmies wail about expenses in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble correspondent, whose food expenses almost never exceeds about $10 per week due to coupons, is in the [brackets]:

View profile How do you trim expenses?

[Pay close attention, DUmmie alarimer, because your humble correspondent will be showing you how to trim a MINIMUM of $300 per month of expenses from your miserable life.]

  I am in trouble financially. My paycheck went down by $60 because of the rise in the payroll tax. I am, to put it mildly, screwed. Thankfully, my rent, though higher than I would like, did not go up. But I cannot keep my head above water. I do pay myself every month,, saving $100 that I put in an investment account, which so far is doing better than any savings account would.

[Be in for a HUGE shock when your paycheck goes down MUCH MORE than just $60 when the ObamaCare taxes kick in.]

Still, I find myself spending more than I make. I did realize I spend way too much on dining out. $70 last month. So that has to go. I decided I will make the drive to Virginia Beach so I can shop at Trader Joe's instead of the more expensive grocery stores in town here. What else can I do? I could give up my gym membership, which is $60 a month, but it's the only decent gym in town. I tried the other one for a while and it just scared me. But maybe I will have to go back. It's around $35 a month. I don't like to exercise outside. There are no sidewalks for one thing and my apartment complex does not have a fitness center.

 [$70 a month on dining which could easily be cut in HALF by using GroupOn since their dining deals are typically cut by at least half from normal price. Of course, if you know how to score FREE GroupOn gift cards via coupons, then your total dineout expense would be cut to ZERO. Hee! Hee! Oh, and you can't do jumping jacks and pushups at home? That there saves you another $60 per month on gym costs.]

I've said before that this town sucks in so many ways and I'm sorry I ever moved here. I took a pay cut to do so. I am clearly an idiot. But having said that, I have to deal with reality and make the best of it until I can get the hell out.

[Yup! You are clearly an idiot, DUmmie alarimer. And your idiocy will follow you wherever you go.]

So the areas that I have identified as possible savings are in the grocery area. I spend over $300 a month (and get basically nothing for it). I end up going every other day or so because I don't really plan meals. I can't cook really. So I buy stuff like prepackaged pasta, which lasts me for two days, but still is pricier than the boxed pasta.

  [Oh yeah. Cooking is such a highly technical skill that it is almost impossible to learn. Let's see. To make breakfast you slap a few slices of bacon on a pan and turn up the heat. Turn a few times and when done, crack a few eggs into the pan. Wait a couple of minutes, turn over, and then flip them on a plate next to the bacon. Yeah, it would take years of specialized training to learn those complex skills.]

Cooking for one sucks. All the more reason to be pissed at my ex-boyfriend.

[Your ex-boyfriend split because he realized you were such a lazy idiot that you couldn't be bothered to learn even basic cooking. And now on to the other DUmmies]

Well my first bit of advice is usually to tell folks to learn to cook, its MUCH cheaper than dining out or buying pre-packaged food. And healthier.

[But, but, learning to cook ranks right up there with nuclear physics.]

But if you don't want to do that, I think cutting back on eating out is a good idea. Also if you can get disciplined and actually plan meals ahead, you will cut some costs - even if you ONLY plan breakfast and lunch. You can then stock up on bulk yogurts, lunchmeat, cheese, bread etc and save $$ there. Think about the savings you can implement with the food itself. Do you always eat a bagel or english muffin for breakfast? Two pieces of toast have the same carbs but are much cheaper.

[Yeah, but learning how to put the bread slices into a toaster to make toast are way beyond DUmmie alarimer's learning skills.]

People report really great prices on canned goods and other pre-packaged foods at dollar stores (I've never been). Maybe explore those?

[After coupons, canned goods are much cheaper (or FREE) in supermarkets.]

I shop at thrift stores exclusively for clothing. Same with household goods like coffee cups, tea kettles etc. I pretty much only buy underwear and socks new.

[Why not buy lice-ridden underwear to match your other thrift store clothes?]

I don't buy clothes much at all.

[Another reason why you won't be getting a new boyfriend anytime soon, DUmmie alarimer.]

crock pot. Your food bill will drop quickly.

[Crock pot advice for a crackpot.]

I don't know how to use one. I have one that my sister gave me, but I have no idea what to do with it.

[You sit atop the crock pot until an egg is laid, DUmmie alarimer.]

I'm a much less picky eater than I used to be. I've just fallen into the habit of buying prepared meals. Like the ones in the frozen section, PF Changs. I get two days out of those meals. It didn't really seem that expensive, but it comes down to $4 a serving or something like that.

[And it never occurred to you to use PF Changs coupons, DUmmie alarimer? I see a lot of those coupons.]

Entertainment wise, I really don't go anywhere or do anything. No movies, or concerts. Maybe a couple of beers at a bar once a month or so. Bowling occasionally.

[Why, you're a regular social butterfly, DUmmie alarimer.]

Before I moved here, I was doing all right, but I took a substantial pay cut to take this job (in taxes mostly- Texas has no income tax while NC does) and everything seems to be more expensive. I pay property tax on my car, which I'd never heard of before, for instance.

[But...but according to DUmmie dogma taxes are GOOD, DUmmie alarimer, and here you are complaining about taxes.]

The other option is buying a machine of some sort, which would be cheaper than annual gym membership.

[And we all know that it is impossible to exercise without a machine, DUmmie alarimer.]

Do you have an Aldi's near by? I save about 50% over my old grocery bills.

[Actually I do have an Aldi's about a mile away. Sometimes I go there but I actually save more by going to Publix where my food bill is either FREE or close to it. Once cashier claims that I never spend more than $3 no matter how much stuff I get. My reply is if I spent as much as 3 bucks then I must be doing something wrong.]

Can you eat the same thing several times a week?

[Regurgitation. YUmmie!!!]

Can you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day?

[No. I can't eat that any day. One of my great childhood joys was that my mother prepared GREAT sandwiches for my school lunch box. While a lot of other kids ate peanut butter and jelly, I enjoyed roast beef, lettuce, and tomato with mayo. Oh, and if I wanted I went to a nearby plaza (Puerto Rico) and bought a bacalao frito from a street vendor for a few cents.]

I have a wok & have used that a lot.

[Pretty soon I will be getting a Joyce Chen wok for FREE via coupons.]

Rice cooker!

[Got it. And I also got 3 20 lb bags of Riceland rice for FREE last month via coupons.]

The idea is to never pay full price for items you use frequently. For example if margarine is on sale, plus you have a coupon, buy several because next week it will be full price.

[FINALLY. A DUmmie mentions coupons and also has the sense to advise using the coupons when the item is on sale.]

Coupons can help, but they never saved me much money.

[They won't help those with limited mental ability.]

I don't like TX much, either. But I moved here yrs ago because it does have a good economy.

[Unlike states run by DEMOCRATS like CA or IL.]

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Pitt Demands To Find Joy In His Miserable Life

In his latest incarnation, WILLIAM RIVERS PITT does what he enjoys the most, namely analyze his own navel in public. In this case his navel gazing takes the form of demanding to find joy in his miserable life as you can see in his incredibly self-absorbed THREAD, "A DU Lament..." Bottom line it is the leftwing version of "Don't Worry, Be Happy." In fact, it might make for the basis of a great parody song written by a certain Lutheran pastor. I probably won't be able to post any more DUFUs for another week due my what will possibly be my busiest couponing schedule ever but I will be watching to see if such a parody song materializes. So let us now watch Pitt perform his inadvertent comedy act from his Navel Observatory in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who found out yesterday that agent Clarice Sparling is a Lutheran, is in the [brackets]:

A DU Lament...

[Even the DUmmies lament that they have to suffer through yet another outbreak of endless self-absorption by WILLIAM RIVERS PITT.]


[Pitt tying to impress upon everyone his self-importance by comparing himself to Walt Whitman here. And since he makes a virtue of contradicting himself, time now for some entertainment in the form of tune written by Agent Sparling's pastor to be savored with fava beans and a nice Chianti:
Tune: "Some Enchanted Evening"

Self-recanted evening,
When you see the flip-flops,
You may see where Pitt stops
Across the DUmmieland.
And somehow you know,
You know even then,
That sometime you'll see him
Recant once again.

Self-aggrandized weaving,
Bloviating windbag,
Going where the wind blows,
Not knowing where to stand.
He'll write to the left--
That's left to go right--
Will's so busy dancing,
He can't sleep at night.

Who can explain Pitt?
Who can tell you why?
Will gives two versions,
Neither one can fly.

Some fantastic FReeping!
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear the laughing
Among the DUFU fans.
And night after night,
When we go to bed,
That sound is our laughter--
Will Pitt's in our thread!

Once we have DUFUed
Will Pitt's swing and miss,
Then he'll discover
He can't recant this!]

You may have noticed an edge of irritability, or even outright hostility, in some recent posts of mine. This is the product of a compounding of issues that all boil down, for me, to a simple and unfortunate truth: I am incapable of functioning without at least a fragment of joy in my life, and that apparently stands me at odds with a great many people whom I would otherwise call allies.

[Pitt can always find at least a bit of joy in a bottle of brewski.]

Far too many of those who populate this and other forums seem to function in an absolute void of joy. There is nothing that cannot be torn down, knocked over, insulted, denigrated, criticized, or pruned of even a single molecule of goodness or pleasure. Everything must come with its pound of flesh duly taken, weighed, and judged.

[Pitt will be finding his bit of joy in just 24 business hours.]

For a very, very long time, I was very, very angry every moment of every day. I am still angry for large swaths of the calendar, but have managed to carve out a small space where I can simply enjoy something without calling down the fires of Hell and damnation. This is a world where it is virtually impossible to avoid being a hypocrite...a fact I wish to underscore to the Most High And Righteous among us, who ply their woe on computers made from components dug from mines in African war zones, which are then shipped upon disposal to Chinese landfills and burned, creating toxic smoke and water pollution that cause horrific birth defects in the children who live nearby.

[And those Chinese landfills all have this sign posted: "WARNING: Toxic Bloviations!"]

This is fact, so ye purists among us, heal thyself.

[Can endless self-analysis be healed or do you have a terminal case, Will?]

I saw and enjoyed the Paul Harvey "Farmer" ad during the Super Bowl. Is it contradictory to enjoy an ad about farming in a world run by Monsanto? Sure, but I am going to do it anyway, because I will have a small space in my life for simple joy no matter how much it rankles your sense of nobility. I will be contradictory, because I am vast, and contain multitudes...and I strongly suggest you figure out a way to do the same, or you will wind up with an ulcer the size of a car battery, muttering to yourself in a corner and utterly useless to the world you seek to save.

[Yes, Pitt. Your vast ego contains multitudes of inadvertent laughs.]

As always, if my demand to find some joy in my daily life puts your nobility in peril, feel free to deploy the Ignore function at your pleasure. Otherwise, know this: I will not be judged by those who make judgment their sole purpose for existing. It is, above all else, bottomlessly boring, and serves nothing other than the ego of the self-appointed judge.

[Speaking of bottomlessly boring and ego...]

Have a nice day.

[Even better, we will have a nice DUFU thanx to your inadvertent comedy act from the stage of your Navel Observatory. And now on to the other DUmmies stifling their yawns...]

Your Post is a projection.

[A projection of Will's stream of unconsciousness...]

Will Pitt, I have loved you for years. Can I adopt you?

[Is that you, DUmmie Raven?]

I like Will Pitt! But, jeez, don't tell me he's not telling people off there. Come on.

[It's just Pitt regularly erupting his usual bloviations. Just call him Mt. Blosuvius.]

I won't judge, I admire your resolve to your postion... However mine still stands firm in that the ad was subtlely steeped in tones of anti-labor divisiveness.

[A DUmmie conjures up a political angle to the farmer ad to which Pitt agrees...]

Of course it was. And there was an unavoidable racial angle. And it was a fantasy about a life that is being driven out of existence by massive agribusinesses. And those trucks are pollutive as hell. And Paul Harvey was a right-wing mouthpiece. See, I can know all that - every last inch of it - and still enjoy the artistry and photography of the ad, and feel as well a nostalgic twinge when I remember the sound of Harvey's voice filling the sun-soaked kitchen of my childhood as his little five-minute vignettes came from the radio tuned to WBZ in Boston. That's the fragment of joy I mean. I can hold both in my mind and heart at the same time. ...and it isn't just that ad I'm talking about. It's far more than that. The ad was only one example. I could name a dozen more.

[And this is what the young Willie Boy heard in his sun-soaked kitchen on the radio many years before smoking corroded away his throat: "Hello Americans! This is Paul Harvey! Stand byyy for Newwws! ...Well, Karl Rove will be indicted within 24 business hours. And now you know...the REST of the story!"]

Sometimes after reading DU for awhile, I feel like everything sucks because the general suckitude of pretty much everything is beaten and flogged and ranted about to the point where I just want to slump down the basement stairs, crawl behind the water heater and drink cheap gin right out of the bottle.

[Before you can reach that cheap gin in mommie's basement, you have to tunnel your way through a mountain of empty pizza cartons.]