Monday, December 30, 2013

Daily dreams with deep sea themes

1. The first dream of the night was that the pond I grew up next to had these deadly perhaps and aggressive small seas creatures growing in it even though it is a fresh water pond so it was shocking to see fresh water versions of these creature growing in it. They were green jellyfish, a poisonnous freshwater octopus and puffer fish (which there are fresh water versions of and they are green) because they were fresh water version of these creatures they were very murky and "scummy" version of the creatures we know and had algae like goo on theyre skin that was very cloudy and almost like they were molting but they were aggressize and if you stepped into, or fell into, the pond they would start coming toward you. I cant remember which one specifically but one had spikes it could make appaer that were poisonous. (You would think it was the puffer fish but Im pretty sure it was the octopus which is interesting because I know this visual actually comes from a special I saw on Iracongi jellyfish, the most horrible deadly creature in the world. I also have had mulitple dreams throughout my life about the fear of the edge of the pond and creatures lurking in the water at the edge. It used to be snapping turtles, now it was freshwater versions of salt water creatures. You see the lawn by the pond was semi steep and slippery so you could "potentially fall into the pond if you didnt pay attention" which I assume is the metaphor for the lesson going on here.

2. Dream two happened after I woke up to pee and I actually revisited the first dream but I think I was photographing them with my iPhone and I got a good picture of one when it was looking right at me and pushed its spikes out. It somehow reminded me of the fish in the aquarium in Nemo.

3. The third dream of the night was repulsive! After driving around the "neighborhood" I grew up in, it was an alternative nicer version (inspired Im sure by my recent visit at X-mas time so it looked "nicer" with the snow and lights etc but this version was during the summer), I was in this nightclub that had two floors the ground floor was straight and the basement floor was gay. There were a lot of latino early 20 somethings and both floors had a fetishy semi goth theme. (This seems very in line with my experience of being a 20 something in la and working in fetishy semi goth clubs.) I remember girls checking me out because they thought I was straight and then realizing I was gay when I walked downstairs. A sorta puerto rican semi chubby 20 something male smoking a cigar sorta dressed like Super Mario was acting like he was my friend saying he could get me drugs from this guy for 750$ I was just thinking to myself "Who is this con artist and why doesnt he get away from me" (This is CLEARLY my dad as he looked like my dad, smoked a cigar, and was trying to get my money and lying- after writing these dreams down I cant believe how much I dream about the anxiety my father would bring me. I was completely unaware.) I walk back up out of the club, with "super mario" I THINK I cant remember, and outside now is like random "Chinatown" and I go to this store in which you can buy any kind of deep sea creature to eat. There are now these asian girls in line talking to me and some leaving with purchases. They are all very trashy and very 80s which you THINK would be cool but it wasnt it was weird. I felt like I could see through there surface behavior which was to be "kinky" and interested in "fetish" and to be sexually aggressive but it was a trait they developed to mask their actual feelings because they had to adopt this aggressive sexual identity because of their surroundings being so aggressive and dangerous so they basically had to pretend like they were into it to protect themselves against it. They didnt even know it so it was weird and sad being around them because I could see through it but because everyone was doing it they all sort of believed it because all of them were doing it it basically created a "culture" of this behavior and that is why it was so repulsive. It was a lie and cheap and sad. Which is sort of my feeling on any culuture I dont like. I feel like "this is all a front because your life sucks and its poor decision making becuse youre not fooling me and it impossible to feel sorry for you when youre pretending you like it and instead of being honest and growing from it and making it better your adapting it as your own identity as a form of defense but its not what you want and this is why you are unhappy behind a mask "liking it" and why youre on drugs etc etc etc." (This also is clearly my twenties, and some of my life now, in a nutshell.) Being a young kid entering this world of gay sex, drugs (which I never tried till my 30s), and AIDS. It was scary but you had to pretend youre into it I guess and my subsequent guilt for being dishonest to myself in order to conform. I wasnt aware I felt this but my dreams speak the unspoken truth. So anyways in this store they had all these super rare sea creatures dead in bags hanging from the ceiling and the girl ask the old chinese guy "what was new?" in the shop to show me how exotic the store was and they had these turtles that somehow were unique and semi human, and I was like "Oh thats what the legend of the Kappa is based off of?!" Kappa are these turtle people who are from Japanese folklore that basically are a metaphor used to teach children to stay away from the waters edge (a theme going on here for me) and to teach children manners because if you encounter the kappa the only way to defeat them is to politely bow when you meet them because that causes the pool of water in their top of their head to spill and they have to go back to the water to refill it and you can run away." (I always thought this was such a good monster as it taught polite behavior OR DIE.) So there was the "real life" inspiration for the kappa in these bags and I felt like it was sorta wrong to kill them and sell them just so you can eat them for these weird reasons that are probably bullshit anyways. As were standing in line this girl is leaving with these videos she bought and shes like pretending to laugh and think its cool but shes like "You can buy anything here!" and falsely giggles and somehow shows me that they have kiddie porn and that she was buying scat porn and tries to show me a video of it but I am totally repulsed and can hear it and I leave and run back into the club but now MY MOUTH is full of SHIT and im trying to spit it all out and clean my mouth out and its like SHIRMP and things that an asian girl would eat because its HER SHIT??!?!?!? (how gross is that?!!! This detail probably comes from the fact that I once stepped in a pile of HUMAN SHIT here in NYC and I could SEE THE FOOD IN IT, it was the most repulsive thing Ive ever been a "victim" of and clearly still haunts me!) and Im fucking so grossed out and simultaneously not trying to show it because Im in a club and Im so grossed out im spitting it all out into a urinal but its like connected to another urinal and this kid I know from high school is standing there and Im like "You were behind me in line how did you get here before me because I ran here?" (what is the significance of that Im not sure, though the kid was sorta known as the class perv because he was rumored to have put CALVES LIVER in a PRINGLES CAN and fucked it like a fleshlight - this was before flesh lights existed) anyhow Im rinsing my mouth out and this guy I know from here wants to say hi and I like wave hello with my hand over my mouth thinking "Jesus Christ this could not be worse." I pretty much get all of it out and head back home to the house I grew up in and wake up.

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