

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald’s. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

If you have an insurance, it might cover some of this. Oh, yes you need to tell them exactly what happened…

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for “lying” about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

Great. There you showed her.



Good thing it wasn´t the thumb

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn’t mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

At least you have two functionally ears

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML