Trump Resigns, Just As Nixon Did; Meanwhile, In Ukraine, Comedian Wins First Round of Presidential Election

Donald Trump lost the popular vote in 2016 to Hillary Clinton by three mililion votes, but he still swaggered his way into his Oval Office, partly because many American voters like to be entertained. Hillary had baggage, which Trump mercilessly exploited in his highly bombastic, bullying style.


It is a truth universally acknowledged that America’s biggest export to the rest of the world comes from Hollywood and from Comedy Central in Gotham; and Trump used to be an entertainer. He was never funny, because all he did was fire people. And in his heart of hearts (though we’re not sure he has one, and his gastroenterologist never bothered to ask him if he has one), he knows full well that all American voters will fire him in 2020, despite what Democrat Doug Friednash said about Trump’s 2020 prospects today in The Denver Post.


When Tricky Dick Nixon resigned his presidency rather than face impeachment, he made Secretary of State Henry Kissinger pray with him. Nixon’s letter of resignation had to go to Kissinger in his capacity as Secretary of State. Kissinger, who is pretty much a Machiavellian, probably has no spiritual practice.


Early this morning, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, an evangelical and a dispensationalist (that is, he knows what God’s plan is because he reads the Schofield Bible). Trump asked Pompeo to make a fake prayer for him and told Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney to prepare a letter of resignation.


This means that Trump can go back to Gotham and Mar-a-Lago, where he specializes in schmoozing with rich people as he discusses top secrets within full view of his guests, while Melania has her own private suite where she prefers to be invisible.


Yesterday, in Ukraine’s vastly important presidential election, 41-year old comedian Володимир Олександрович Зеленський (Volodimir Zelenskiy), who has never run for public office before (and thus has probably never met Paul Manafort) won thirty percent of the vote, topping unpopular incumbent Петро́ Олексі́йович Пороше́нко (Petro Poroshenko) and former Prime Minister Ю́лія Володи́мирівна Тимоше́нко (Yulia Timoshenko), who came in third (


Zelenskiy will face Petroshenko in a runoff on April 21.


Zelenskiy, born of Jewish parents in a nation known for its history of Anti-Semitism, is extremely well-known in the Ukraine because he’s the star of the popular TV series Servant of the People, in which he plays the role of the President of Ukraine. In the series, Zelenskiy’s character is a thirty-something high school history teacher who wins the presidential election after a viral video shows him ranting against government corruption.


The name of his made-up political party? You guessed it: "Servant of the People"; and it was registered exactly one year ago, on March 31, 2018.


Associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, who travels the world for us, is totally familiar with popular sentiment in the Ukraine. Theis tells us that Zelenskiy is “a total shoe-in” to win in the April 21 runoff.


And after he’s elected, Zelenskiy will be very wary about visiting Mike Pence in the White House, because he knows full well how effective Manafort was in Ukraine.