New Plaid Identity

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by plaid, Jul 8, 2006.

  1. plaid New Member

    Author's Note:
    so.... i got sick up reposting old tpi. i really miss writing it, so i'm just going to jump in and start again, after over a year. here is a brand new shiny preface, the old foreword, and the next post will continue the tale of plaid, who when we left her was in the middle of a dark cave somewhere.

    I began this story in november of 2003. almost three years ago. it keeps me company. it has a few loving fans. here, have a plot synopsis:

    for your further (or previous) enjoyment: all the beginning bits of The Plaid Identity


    I. The following is just [a continuation of] one of those board fics. Please don't resent me for any questionable portrayals of you as a character. it's all in the name of fun. And also for the sake of my creativity, which needs all the fresh air and exercise it can get.

    II. I do write this in a fairly spontaneous way, but keep in mind that continual revision is going on. I can't help it. I read things over again and decide they should be worded differently. Nothing major will be changed, but as a warning I just have to say that this story is alive and sometimes small bits move around.

    III. A fitting quote about my archetypal setting:

    Peter Acroyd, in English Music~
    and now, let the new stuff begin....
  2. plaid New Member

    no fighting yet

    Suddenly a voice yelled from where the light burned out ahead of us.

    'Joyce! Joyce!'

    'I knew it,' Buzzfloyd said. 'Brad, come on.' She ran away holding the torch and I was left standing next to Jordan in the dark.

    'Do you know what's going on, Jordan?'

    The lights out in front of us weren't betraying any clues.

    'Nope. Who's Joyce?'

    Somebody yelled 'At last! At last!' and seemed very excited about it. Then it all went quiet, except for weird echoey whispers.

    'No idea. I--'

    'They're leaving.'

    'Leaving?' They were. At least I thought I could see the torches moving further from us. I reached out and tried to feel where Jordan was standing.


    'Shut up, Jordan, I just wanted to make sure you were there.'

    He grunted at me.

    'Have they forgotten us then?'

    There was a pause.


    The only response to Jordan's outburst was a lot of confused echoing.

    'We just gonna stand 'ere, then?' he said to me.

    I thought about this for a minute. 'Hm. Yes.'

    I could hear him fidgeting, kicking loose rocks and shuffling about.

    'We ain't gonna find out what's goin on from 'ere. Let's go.' And he started off, in the pitch black. Within three steps I was chasing nervously after him.

    The lights ahead had stopped, but it still took us what seemed like a long time to reach them. I saw Brad and wanted to kick him. Jordan sidled up to Buzzfloyd and offered to take the torch from her no doubt tired left hand. She and Brad had found an old woman, who was sitting on a rock and stroking an invisible pet.
  3. chrisjordan New Member

    Pfft. The truth is, Plaid just couldn't resist.

    Mm, new TPI.
  4. Garner Great God and Founding Father

    will you just propose to her, already, muffin boy?
  5. chrisjordan New Member

    So you can continue naming yourself Matchmaker Supreme? No.
  6. Maljonic Administrator

    G'wan, g'wan, g'wan, g'wan, g'wan. :)
  7. plaid New Member

    nobody was saying anything.

    Not even the old woman spoke. Not even an absent-minded mutter. Finally i whispered 'Who is she?'

    Before anyone could answer the old woman's gaze snapped up and pierced me through darkly. I started, but after just a second I could tell that she meant no malice by it. Her eyes were sadly blank, as if loneliness itself had settled in and draped itself all over the furniture.

    Still nobody said anything. The woman turned her eyes back to the floor and continued stroking whatever it was she was stroking. I stared at her with the others, Brad and Buzzfloyd and Jordan and two other women I didn't know. In the silence i took in here few wisps of white hair, her pink and wrinkled hands, and the surprisingly fine skirts that gathered around her as she sat on a rock. She wasn't wearing any shoes.

    'Is it really you, Joyce?' Buzzfloyd asked. 'Is it really her?' she turned to one of the other two.

    Brad stepped closer to the woman and stretched his neck up as far as he could.

    'Joyce Ogg, how long have you been here?'

    Joyce, if that was she, looked at the llama, reached out, and started stroking his head and ears. Brad shivered for a moment but stayed still, letting her pet him. Still she said not a word.

    Buzzfloyd looked up, took the torch back from Jordan, and turned to the two strangers. 'How did you find her?'

    The younger one answered, 'Hsing did. I don't know how she saw much of anything in all these shadows. I wouldn't've recognized it.'

    Buzzfloyd seemed impressed, and I wondered why. What was so important about the old woman?

    'It's incredible,' Buzzfloyd whispered. I was about to say 'What is?' when she continued: 'We thought she'd died out here.'

    'Who?' I got my chance to ask a question after all.

    'Her, stupid,' Jordan blurted. I resisted the temptation to stick my tongue out at him and settled for looking intently curious at Buzzfloyd.

    'Joyce was... oh, how do I explain? Brad, tell them. Or you Hsing. You obviously know more than I do.'

    Hsing looked hesitant.
  8. plaid New Member

    'Wow. Well. Joyce ... that is Joyce. I know she won't answer but I just know it's her. Joyce is legend. Joyce is.. wow. I don't know what else to say. That she survived this long without anyone knowing, without anyone hearing her or finding her... it's unthinkable.'

    This answer, such as it was, did not satisfy me. But I couldn't think of anything else to ask.

    'What you going to do with 'er?' Jordan said.

    Nobody answered him. The woman cracked her neck, continuing to pet Brad the wonder llama.

    'She won't speak,' Hsing said. 'I didn't think she would.'

    'Why not?'
  9. Electric_Man Templar

    Cat got her tongue? Literally?
    Voicebox imploded?
    Monk vow of silence?
    Brain damage causing loss of speech?
    Just plain rude?

    Why isn't Joyce speaking, tell us Plaid, tell ussssssssssssssssssssss!
  10. Hsing Moderator

  11. Angua_rox New Member

  12. sweet. a legend returns. the meandering tale that is the Plaid ID. one of my favourites from the old board.

    keep it going plaid, it's as good as it ever was.
  13. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    What the monkey said!!
  14. lipi New Member

    More, please :)
  15. plaid New Member

    here we go.

    Hsing did her best to explain her theories in words. 'Well, the legend says her voice was taken... or given to... or sacrificed ...or sort of absorbed or something... by the Garner. I tried to understand why... Sam told me the...'

    She trailed off. 'The volcano?' I wondered aloud. I looked at Jordan and at Buzzfloyd standing next to him. The volcano doesn't talk, does he? why would he need this old woman's voice?

    Brad pulled away at last from Joyce's affectionate hands. 'We came for dragonmother. Let's not get tied up in some other island legend.'

    Hsing seemed startled. 'We can't just leave her all alone in the dark.'

    'That's where we found her, isn't it?'

    A pause communicated the, yeah, i guess so, that nobody wanted to say.

    'Come on,' Brad urged. He nudged Buzzfloyd's leg and followed her as she walked ahead with the torch. Hsing waited. She went to Joyce, took the woman's hand, and succeeded in leading her along. As we all trailed after Buzzfloyd and the llama, I could hear Hsing mumbling encouragement.

    We walked through cave after cave; it was quite some time before Brad asked Buzzfloyd if she was sure she remembered where they'd left the captive Dragonmother.
  16. chrisjordan New Member

    I declare the size of that update piddly! MORE!
  17. plaid New Member

    wait... wasn't it?

    'She's here somewhere. She... must be...'

    Yet we searched and searched, through big caverns and winding rocky ravines. These were the guts of the Garner. Dragonmother could have easily slipped into a crevise or ditch anywhere, and how would we have known?

    'This is silly.' It was Toast that said it. 'Why don't we just go out and guard the entrances and wait?'

    'With pie she can stay in here forever, Toast,' Brad explained. 'We have to find her and settle this before she meddles in any more of our plans.'

    'What are we going to do?' I asked. It didn't seem like four girls, a skinny pirate, and a llama would be able to do anything against the Dragonmother. If she controlled the dragons, she was probably a woman to be reckoned with.

    'Negotiate.' was the only answer I got, from an ever-more-determined Buzzfloyd.

    'Stop,' Hsing said. 'I hear something...'

    Hsing was still trailing at the end of our party, holding the weary, silent Joyce by the hand. We all stopped and turned to her, hushed and waiting.

    While we all tried not to breathe too loud, Joyce reached out to the wall of the cave and touched it with trembling fingers. Hsing helped each step she slowly took past Jordan, me, and the others.

    'What?' Brad began to protest.

    'Shh.' Hsing sidled around the llama and took the torch as Buzzfloyd offered it. We resumed our course, more slowly this time, and let the voiceless old woman take us.

    Because we traveled now at so halting a pace, twice as much time passed. I felt sure the sun was far set and the world outside cold and creeping with night. I also felt fairly sure that Dragonmother had been digested by the dark rock down here and that we would never find her.

    Hsing dropped the torch twice in shock at either an odd shadow or a sudden turn of the passageway. Joyce never faltered or stopped, she just continued in short and dreadfully slow steps, feeling the wall and tugging Hsing with her.

    I sighed.

    Toast and Jordan were in front of me now, blocking most of the light and mumbling to each other.

    'I always wanted to meet a pirate, really.'


    'Are you on our side now? Or,' this was whispered very low, 'are you a double-agent? You can tell me.'

    'Heh.' Jordan did not seem to be in a conversational mood.

    I said, 'Hush, Brad is just three feet ahead of you,' and the girl fell silent again.

    'Aha,' Hsing said. We had reached a larger open cave, and she shone the torch around hopefully. There was no sign of anyone.

    'Give it to me,' Brad said. I snorted at the idea of a llama holding a torch, but Buzzfloyd took it fom Hsing and handed it down. Brad caught the end in his teeth just right and walked sidewaysly forward, to the left, and forward again.

    Joyce had let her fingers leave the wall and was staring at a point up above on the wall across the cave.
  18. chrisjordan New Member

    So, I finally finished rereading it all. Woah. It's weird not having any more to read now.


    Further installments are required.
  19. Hsing Moderator

    I want more to read!
  20. plaid New Member

    boiling hungry

    'What is she staring at, Hsing? Can you see?'

    'Brad, give the light back.'

    I was aware, in a sudden and uncomfortably heavy kind of way, that it was really really warm.

    As Hsing reclaimed the torch and shone it up where Joyce seemed to be staring, there was a loud whistling grumble. Steam filled the cavern and nearly choked us all.

    'It's so hot,' Toast complained. 'Eugh.'

    'I think I see her,' Hsing said confidently.

    'Go on then,' Brad said.

    'Hurry. This steam is blistering.' Buzzfloyd took the rear and hurried Jordan, Toast, and I after the llama as we traversed the cave-sauna.

    After a minute that seemed like ten Hsing climbed up a short incline and stopped.


    It was hard to see through the clouds of white vapor, but somebody was sitting up there. She was throwing pebbles.

    Brad clambered up and grabbed a mouthful of her tattered robes. 'Don't move,' he muttered.

    'Brad, good grief,' Buzzfloyd said. 'She isn't running away.'

    Hsing moved the light just a foot to our left and said slowly, 'No, but she could jump.' There was a drop off just there, black and echoing with the pings of thrown pebbles.

    'What do you want, you lunatic llama-lovers?' Dragonmother's voice was stronger than she looked. 'Do you think I have anything you need?'

    Joyce, who until then had clung rather helplessly to Hsing's sleeve, came forward and reached out to the Dragonmother. She still wasn't saying anything.

    'You took the yaks,' Toast said.

    'You took my Om Kranti. You've taken my cliffs. You took my island.'
    Dragonmother stopped throwing pebbles and tore her robes from Brad's mouth.

    'Your island?' I said.

    'Quiet. Dragonmother, come with us out to the cliffs. We will negotiate this without any pointless threats. Out of this blasted heat.'

    'Why should I cooperate with a llama? An evil scheming llama who can't figure the impossible from the possible? A stupid worthless llama who bullies people to make himself feel important? A cringing, slimy llama who might as well give up on ever being made human again?'

    She was inching closer to the precipice. Hsing, I could tell, was trying to intervene and somehow block it, but Joyce, still reaching out and peering intensely at the Dragonmother, made things awkward. Brad was getting angry, but he did not move.
  21. chrisjordan New Member

    Is she going to jump?!


    And what then?
  22. plaid New Member

    housing all this doubt

    I leaned against the cave wall and tugged at the scarf around my hair. The steam was making all of us sweat dreadfully.

    'Dragonmother, you owe us this,' Brad demanded. 'All along you've known what's at stake.'

    Dragonmother laughed, and stopped. 'More's the pity,' she said. 'What is it you think I can do for you? It's Maljonic you should be chasing.'

    'That's not how this works and you know it, Dragonmother.'

    Joyce was struggling up towards where Dragonmother stood, holding her arm out and silently twitching a little.

    'What does she want?' Dragonmother snarled.

    Hsing said nothing. Jordan shrugged. Joyce continued, in small, sure steps, to accost the other woman. Finally she reached her, placed two hands on each of Dragonmother's shoulders, and said, 'You're going to get a blank page.'

    'Get off of me, woman,' Dragonmother mumbled. 'Brad, who is this old lady?'

    'Hsing says--' Brad began.

    'Joyce Ogg,' Hsing finished. 'Old Joyce Ogg. She just spoke to you.'

    Nobody said anything for a minute. I wondered what the whole thing meant. How could this quiet old woman be anyone important? Compared to the alleged death of Captain Malory and the unbreakable llama-spell that rested on Brad, whether or not Joyce spoke or didn't speak seemed trivial. But still, I did sense that I understood too little of this island and its mysteries to judge what was important and what wasn't. I remembered my dream, and its cinnamony portents. What did that mean? What did anything mean?

    'Joyce,' Brad said. 'Joyce, will you speak now?'

    Hsing reached up and touched Joyce's shoulder, hope in her face.

    Dragonmother coughed.

    Joyce said nothing. It seemed silence had overtaken her again.

    'Come down, Dragonmother,' Brad said. 'We can talk about this outside in the open air.'

    To my disbelief, she obeyed and came with us as we trekked back out the way we had come. Hsing and Joyce led again with the torch. Brad was behind us all, making sure Dragonmother stayed close.

    We emerged into a brilliant star-filled night.

    The dragons snored in groups along the top of the cliffs. Moonlight and the sea's reflection of it glinted softly on everything. Cool night air was glorious after the stuffy, steamy insides of the mountain. Even so, i was tired and stiff from walking so far.
  23. plaid New Member

    'What now?' Jordan muttered when we had all sat down.

    'Now we discuss things.'

    What a great and vague beginning, i thought, while at the same time Dragonmother spoke, saying, 'Now I see that my Om is safe and unhurt.'

    And she strode almost to the edge of the cliffs, threw her arms high, and waited.

    Brad and Hsing lurched nervously at the sight of Dragonmother so near the cliff, but there wasn't much they could do.

    Om the dragon, barely recognizable in the dark night, flew almost out of nowhere up to where we were gathered. This time the creature had nobody on her back. She clutched the edge of the cliff within mere yards of where Dragonmother stood, folding her wings with an outrageous gust of wind.

    A few moments were wasted while the mother reached up for her Om's scaly nose and petted it briefly.

    At last Dragonmother returned to our group and Brad abandoned his impatient look.

    'May we begin?' the llama said.

    Dragonmother's response was a shrug and a flick of her wrist. Om crawled part way up the mountain above the cave entrance and curled herself up. For the rest of the meeting I felt her reptilian eyes watching us.
  24. Hsing Moderator

    :D Shortest update ever!
    Which is a pity, I mean, that it isn't more.

    More. Please?
  25. plaid New Member

    above and here below

    'You're interfering,' Brad accused.

    'Brad, be careful.' This was Buzzfloyd.

    'Obviously. I felt left out.' Dragonmother's face wore a superior and enigmatic look. 'I don't see why you boys can't handle this.'

    Brad coughed angrily. 'You had no right--'

    Suddenly Brad and then Dragonmother and then all of them were looking at me and a great pause blossomed out of all of those stares.

    'What? Surely, Brad, you aren't afraid of letting me know too much still?'

    He lowered his eyes and twitched his tail. Dragonmother kept staring.

    'Who are you, anyway?' she asked.

    I just looked at her, skeptically. As if it mattered to her or anyone who I was. As if I even knew...

    'Well? Who is she, Brad?'

    He turned to her and tried to change the subject.

    'I want you to stay out of the Sock Wars and to stay out of our business. Take your dragons and leave the island for all I care. You are just making everything worse.'

    'I don't see how it can be all that much worse because of me. You seem to have made good use of Om Kranti.'

    'But you won't play on our terms, Dragonmother. You come to our game and want to rearrange the way things are! We cannot watch you ruin it.'


    Toast had fallen asleep on Jordan's right arm. Just then she snored a broken little snore. Jordan himself looked half dead. Hsing and Buzzfloyd were attentive, Brad and Dragonmother actively involved. I wasn't sure about anything. I felt like an outcast, but at the same time an accomplice. If I could have introduced myself to this Dragonmother, maybe it would have felt less ambivalently awkward.

    'Malory. And I. Malory and I have our own accounts to settle, you know that.' Brad was trying his hardest to be rational and not shout. 'Why did you have to interrupt it with your attention-getting tricks? Why now? Of all times, why?'

    'If I may,' Buzzfloyd interrupted, 'I don't think it is your mere actions which upset Brad so much, Dragonmother. You have been conniving and secretive and so blasted quiet about it all. Stealing the yaks wasn't all of it...'

    'If you would be straight with us we might get a long a good lot better.'

    And now we all looked at the woman, watching her pick at her robes and smile into nowhere.

    'I don't need your yaks. I don't need your socks or your filthy supplies down in that hole you live in. I don't need anything on this island. But I was here before all of these useless nobodies washed up. I and my dragons saw this island before any of your footsteps pressed across its muddy shore. I know that you are only ruining it with your silly fighting. And you hardly know what you miss.'

    'And you mean to remedy that with your infernal interfering? We never asked for your help.'

    'Help.' Dragonmother laughed. Her smile was far too big.
  26. chrisjordan New Member

    She seems quite evil.

    Moooooooore. Or Dragonmother's smile will eat you whole.
  27. plaid New Member

    drum drum drum

    She's mad, I thought.

    Looking up at Om Kranti, who blinked redly over our company, I thought about dragonskin. Orrdos had wanted Malory dead and had bribed the merpeople with dragonskin to kill him. That didn't make sense.

    I stared at Brad, trying to figure it out. He and Dragonmother were making angry faces at each other. I was surprise he didn't accuse her outright of being mad.

    I wondered how much any of them knew. Jordan had only told Orrdos. When Brad showed up I'd almost shouted everything out, but I hadn't. Surely the llama wouldn't have wanted the only man who had any hope of fixing his llama-ness dead? But ... how could he be ignorant of such a plot?

    And where did Orrdos plan on getting his dragonskin anyway? I looked up at Om again. I would not want to part such an animal from its scales.
  28. OmKranti Yogi Wench


  29. plaid New Member

    dawn and dueling

    The sun had fully risen.

    'I'm not going to take your word for anything, Dragonmother, and I don't feel that you'd give it to us anyway.'

    She tilted her head and waited.

    Brad coughed.

    'Girls,' he said. 'You'll--'

    'No,' Buzzfloyd interrupted. 'Not the girls.' She crossed to where the llama stood and whipsered fiercely, 'Brad, she controls those dragons. All of them.'

    'We can't just let her run amuk!'

    'You want to be tying me up?' Dragonmother laughed.

    'Let me tie her up,' Jordan volunteered.

    We all looked at him.

    Buzzfloyd turned back to Brad. 'Just get it over with. If we lose, we lose. There will be Sock Wars again.'

    'We cannot lose!'

    'So maybe we won't,' Toast said. 'Dragons or no dragons.'

    'If we can't do anything about this madwoman,' I muttered, 'then what are we doing here?'

    Brad's llama eyes narrowed. He looked up at Om Kranti, down at Toast and Hsing, to Jordan, and me, and up into Buzzfloyd's face. 'Bring her with us.'

    'I won't come,' Dragonmother announced.

    'You will come. And you will leave your dragons on the cliff. You will leave your magic in the mountain.'

    'For what? I don't owe you anything.'

    The Garner grumbled and seethed. More smoke, darker smoke, rose into the bright morning.

    'You got rope, Jordan?'

    As the pirate nodded, Brad tossed his head towards Dragonmother. Jordan cautiously approached her, one eye on Om, one eye on the cliff's edge.

    Dragonmother stared at the boy, stared as hard as diamond, and waited for his fearful steps to bring him close enough. At the last moment she flashed a look up at the peak of Mount Garner, took one step backwards, turned, and ran.

    Brad and Hsing ran after her, but she reached the cliff's edge before them and was gone.
  30. plaid New Member

    Brad reached the very edge, looked over it, and swore.

    'Brad, I'm almost sure you would've pushed her off yourself if you could've gotten away with it,' I said. 'What's the matter with her jumping?'

    Brad didn't move.

    Buzzfloyd reached out for my arm, 'Plaid, the dragons. Without the dragonmother, the dragons... Even Orrdos and Fred together had a hard time controlling Om Kranti, even when we had Dragonmother in our power. We don't know what they'll do.'

    'If you had her in your power, how did she get out of it?'

    Buzzfloyd hung her head.

    Hsing turned around and suddenly shouted, 'Om... she's gone.'

    We all looked up to the sky. 'Did anyone see where she flew?'

    'We have to warn the others. Brad, we have to tell them.' Buzzfloyd ran to the llama and jostled him with her knee. He was still staring down over the cliff. 'You can't just stand here. We have to move.'

    'Go on then,' the llama muttered.

    And we did. Buzzfloyd fairly ran down the rocky way we had come up to the cliffs, Hsing close behind. Jordan, Toast, and I followed, keeping up as best we could. Brad ambled behind us. We lost him within half an hour.

    When most of the mountain was behind us, Buzzfloyd sent Hsing and Joyce to the lake and Toast to the caves. The rest of us turned a bit north, toward the Bay, which I could just see far off, bordering the great ocean.

    There were more trees this way. The forest was still cold from nighttime. I stole Jordan's hat.

    'Damn ye,' he said. 'Give it back.'

    I refused. I don't know why he didn't just fight me for it and reclaim it himself, but he didn't. We kept walking, trying to keep up with Buzzfloyd's frantic pace.

    Pie came. We walked with the plates in our hands until we came upon a little spring in a quiet grove of tall old trees.
  31. plaid New Member

    It was a sort of pudding-ish pie with currants in it.

    Buzzfloyd sat on a rock and asked Jordan why he'd left the Catface.

    Swallowing his pie he said, 'Sev'ral pers'nal reasons. But mostly,' he spoke slowly here, 'a 'cause Malory's dead.' And then his mouth was full of pie.

    I nearly choked to hear him admit it so casually. Buzzfloyd's reaction betrayed nothing about what she already knew or didn't know.

    'Dead? Who will be captain next?'

    'Seems Moon Cat and Black'll 'ave ter fight for it. Dunno who'll win.'

    'Did you know about the assassination?' I asked, staring at Buzzfloyd and licking my fingers.

    She ignored me. 'And do you want to join the islanders fully, Jordan? Are you on our side now?'

    Jordan shrugged. 'Might 's well.'

    'Why?' I wanted to know. 'You don't know anything about us.'

    'Us, eh?' the pirate laughed. 'You neither. But 'ere ye arr.'

    'Shut up. Where are we going Buzzfloyd?'

    'Well,' she said, 'as soon as we finish our pie, we're going downriver.'

    'I thought you said we'd have to warn the others? And what about Brad? He's miles behind us by now.'

    Buzzfloyd winked at me. 'Don't worry about Brad. Come on.'

    So we went. And the Bay ahead of us got closer, the trees a little thinner.
  32. Electric_Man Templar

    Oooh, Buzzfloyd knows of Malory's fall, or at least is a supreme actress capable of hiding shock. What will Brad do when he finds out? Is/was there anyone on the island capable of turning him back anyway? Still, I guess the most important thing is:

    Woo! Double helping!
    Plaid, you should know that triples would be appreciated even more...
  33. plaid New Member

    scraping old territory

    'Hey, Jordan, was the water orange like that up at the spring?'

    We'd been walking less than an hour and were still quite high up above sea level. Following the stream was easy walking, but it felt too quiet.

    'Prob'ly,' the boy said, peering at the ripples. 'But I know it didn't smell as weird. Don't stand so close.'

    The water was leaving orange splotches on my boots. I suddenly recognized it, a flashback of a little white boat and a trio of cruel pirates filling my brain. The pleasure of remembering was so sweet I didn't even glare at Jordan for tying us up all those days ago.

    'This is the Zombie River, then. And the falls... geez, where are we going Buzzfloyd? What is there for us along this way?'

    She just kept walking. I wondered why I was following her. If Joyce could live all alone and safe in the mountain, then by Ba so could I. I didn't need Brad or pirates or any of them.

    But I did not want to turn into the silent old crone that Joyce was. I wanted to find out what happened to Nester and Fred and Hermes.

    Hermes was still on the Catface. I squinted through the trees to the ocean, wondering if I might see the ship out there on the water. I couldn't.

    'Jordan, are they going to be nice to Hermes?' I asked.

    'What? Uh.. nice as ter anyone. Why?'

    I shrugged.

    Ahead of us the nerve-biting screamy noise of the waterfall grew loud. Soon Buzzfloyd was standing right above it, having climbed a large boulder next to the edge where it all stormed down to the pool below.

    I hung back. Jordan walked up and joined our leader on her boulder, looking out over the land below. Buzzfloyd glanced back at me but didn't say anything. Instead, she raised her hands to her mouth and gave a really complicated bird call, at which Orrdos stepped out from behind a bush.
  34. plaid New Member

    He looked distraught. Fred was poking his long green nose out of a pocket. I stared, forgetting my nervousness about the waterfall and approaching the group.

    'I couldn't stop her,' Orrdos began. 'I could hardly see what was going on...'

    'What happened?'

    'Om flew off in the middle of the night. Scared Fred to death it did. We have all the yaks back... but the pit. The pit is ruined. I don't know how she did it. Sam was... well... and Pat. It's horrible. Did you get Dragonmother?'

    Buzzfloyd shook her head. 'Are they alright? You look sick, Doors.'

    Orrdos took Fred out of his pocket and mumbled distractedly at the elephant. 'No. The zombies are in on it now.' I could hear anger in his voice along with disappointment. 'Not even Fred knows what to do with those creeps.'

    'Oh no,' Buzzfloyd breathed.

    Jordan and I looked at each other. I still had his hat, so I smirked proudly and then asked 'What are we going to do? Do we have to fight the zombies or what?' My flesh crawled at the thought.

    'Fight zombies?' Jordan laughed. 'Yer welcome to it. I ain't touchin' 'em.'

    Chicken, I thought. But the memory of Ivan's gooey person didn't exactly make me feel like a hero.

    'Doors, take us to the others. Are you sure we can't do anything?' Buzzfloyd had gone a little pale herself. I wondered when she was going to mention the dragons, or explain what had happened on the cliffs.

    The four of us practically fell down the waterfall. It wasn't steep, but most of the rocks there were mopped with slippery moss and sprayed with orange zombie-residue. It smelled worse at the bottom.

    We trudged downstream, Orrdos muttering about how he couldn't have stopped it, he couldn't have done anything.
  35. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Dunn Dunnn Duuunnnnnn!
  36. plaid New Member

    white scream

    Suddenly Fred exploded up to the size of a horse and sparkled a bright blue. It was the first time I'd seen him that large. I almost fell over.

    I heard Jordan breath in, astounded, right behind me, and suddenly wondered if he knew anything about the cult of Fred. Would it be safe to ask him about it, with Orrdos mere feet away?

    'Black's got a whole cult,' I said, 'over Fred.' I looked at Jordan sideways and waited for a reaction. He merely looked puzzled, his gaze still taken up with the elephant.

    'They think he can bring back their memories.' I whispered this, peering ahead at Buzzfloyd and Orrdos to make sure they didn't notice. 'It's crazy.'

    Jordan stared at Fred, his mouth pursed in a thoughtful frown. He didn't say anything. The elephant blinked purple and then a streaky gold as it walked.

    'Hurry, you two,' Buzzfloyd gestured for us. The river curved and widened just ahead. Above the screaming of the waterfall I heard voices.

    Orrdos put his hand out to his elephant and we all stopped walking. Fred shrank a few sizes and the gold of his skin faded a little.

    'No, we--' Orrdos started, looking distractedly at Fred and through the trees ahead at the same time. 'Yes, but--'

    'What's going on?' I said.

    'Shh. Fred, be reasonable. They're zombies!'

    A long silence rustled in the hot forest. It was nearly noon, maybe.

    'Orrdos,' Buzzfloyd took hold of the man's arm, 'Where are the others? I left Sam here with you. Tell us what's happened.'

    In answer Orrdos simple walked out into the clearning and pointed to the opposite bank of the river.

    There were bodies everywhere.
  37. Electric_Man Templar


    Oh my...

    *babbles incoherently*

    You can't stop there! It's cruel!
  38. plaid New Member

    orange bloodbath

    Buzzfloyd and (with an almost imperceptible hesitation) Jordan instantly ran out into the shallow curve of the river and frantically climbed up on the opposite bank. I looked at Orrdos. He hadn't moved.

    The water in the river was full of those weird non-fish orange bits. I stared at it, and back at the grotesque slow-motion mayhem that was going on beyond it. With a sad glance down at my dirty but still rather nice plaid trousers, I stepped into the river and waded across.

    It was horrible. Like being numb and shivering and itching all at once. When I reached the bank I was wet in the grimiest, soggiest, most disgusting way anyone can be wet.

    And then a zombie attacked me.

    It was... Keli. I recognized her from the first day I had been taken to the words. This version was far more orange and not a little bit degranged, but it was her. Her young, falling-apart face terrified me.

    Of course I fought back. Before she could get her teeth in my arm or pull too much of my hair out, I struggled and kicked her off of me. Half of me wondered if she could be killed. Half of me didn't want to hurt the girl.

    I could see Buzzfloyd and Jordan, and... was that the metal girl, Hex? all fighting similar creatures not far away. Orrdos and Fred remained still on the safe side of the river. Having heard of his gallantry in previous Sock Wars, I was puzzled about his reticence here.

    With a pause to throw Keli into a tree, I made my way to the others. I recognized more of the zombies. Samantha Vimes. Emma. It made me cold to think about what must have happened to them. I hadn't known zombieism was contagious.

    The other two were trying to pull the zombies away from someone, a body laying up against a large rock. Running up to them, I saw it was Pat. She was choking, trying to speak. Her hands were bleeding.
  39. plaid New Member

    'I--His-- the recipe--' was all I could make of the stutters before I was attacked again. Keli just wouldn't stay away from me. She'd seemed like such a nice girl.

    To my left Buzzfloyd was trying to crush Emma with a large rock. Behind me I could hear Jordan swearing at and grappling with Samantha Vimes. I shoved Keli and tripped backwards over the motionless (hopefully dead and killed and re-killed) corroded orange figure of the midget who had once introduced himself to me as We Are Igorth. I closed my eyes and tried to breath. Zombies smell terrible. Ivan the Terrible had not been this foul.

    Everything seemed quite hopeless. How could you kill things whose skin molded like mud around every weapon and every attack? How could you put down a creature that had no brain?

    When I opened my eyes again Keli was grimacing at me and reaching again for my hair. I grabbed a stick and stabbed at the zombie girl. She wobbled and fell into two of her own kind. Jumping up, I turned to Pat again. She was dying, and she was trying to tell us something important. I wanted to know what it was.

    While Jordan and Buzzfloyd fought on both sides of the woman, I crouched over her and tried to wipe the orange goo off her face.

    'Yak tongue...' she was wheezing. 'Julienned yak tongue.'

    'For what?' I asked in a whisper. 'What for?'

    'An onion, and a-- ah-- three--- three gallons.'

    yak tongue, onion... I hoped to Ba I would remember this.

    'Of mo--monkey brain-- three gallons. Boiled.'

    Keli's corpse interrupted us for a minute and tried to tear out my eyes. I slapped her thoroughly, stood up, and shoved her right into the river.

    She sank.

    'On toast,' Pat was saying. 'But only--'

    And then she spasmed dreadfully for a few moments. Her bleeding hands clenched and unclenched.

    'Git away from 'er,' Jordan suddenly yelled. He was in the middle of tearing Sam's left arm off.

    Pat's face went slack. Orange slime started leaking out of her ears.
  40. plaid New Member

    The woman siezed my shirt and wouldn't let go. Her face as she pulled herself upright grew paler and paler.

    'But only,' her voice lowered to a growl, 'normal monkeys. And don't eat it. Or any of the toast.

    Pat stood up and threw me down. There was blood all over my shirt. I struggled to get back up but Pat had one foot on my right leg. Her eyes no longer recognized me but now had the slimy glazed look Keli's had. I tried to turn my head and find Jordan. He was still struggling with Sam, teasing her with her severed arm, it looked like. I groaned as Pat increased the pressure on my leg.

    'Don't eat it,' she repeated slowly. I wondered if I should tell her about the death of her gerbil, or if she had stopped caring about all that.

    ''ey! 'ey!' Jordan came running over and knocked Pat away. Together the pirate and I headed her off, cornered her against the big rock, got hold of her shoulders, and heaved her into the river, where she and Samantha bobbed for a few minutes and then melted into the flowing current.

    Was that it?

    'Where's Buzzfloyd?'

    'Dunno,' Jordan answered. We looked around. 'There, 'hind that tree. Arr, Brad's caught up ter us I see.'

    The llama looked calm but serious. Every once in a while he would glance at Orrdos on the opposite bank, as if waiting for something. An answer, perhaps.

    It seemed Buzzfloyd had a wound in her arm, fairly deep. She was trying to clean it out and stop it bleeding while she talked to Brad. Hex, the metal girl, was helping silently.

    'What if they come back?' I asked. 'What if--'

    'Hex will watch the river. And when we get back to the caves Cynical will send Electric Man too. We won't let them come back.' Buzzfloyd said this all very matter-of-factly.

    'How did this happen?' I wanted to know. 'Why is Orrdos just standing there?'

    Brad shook his head.

    'Let's go,' the llama said after a pause. 'Hex, stay. Watch. Warn us if the river wakes again.'

    With one more look back at Orrdos and Fred, Brad turned and led us southwest, uphill and away from the river.

    'Are you alright, Buzzfloyd?' I asked finally. She smiled a little and shrugged.


    I shrugged back. 'I thought Ivan was awful,' I said. 'Full zombies are worse.' My skin still itched.
  41. Electric_Man Templar

    Zombilicious! What's with the wounds and the itch? And the strange name of the person going to protect the river?

    Tell us more...
  42. plaid New Member

    eschewing the sunrise

    We walked until we found an entrance to the underground caves. It was one I hadn't seen before, and it led, by way of a narrow little duct, to a really big room full of chairs.

    We crossed it quickly, without a word. And then the same corridors, the same damp underground feeling in the air, and then the big cavernous room with the mural. I remembered Hermes. Nobody had asked about him. Brad didn't seem to want to know why he hadn't come back with me. Staring at all those colorful Freds, I almost missed the blond freak. I hoped he liked pirating.

    A flurry of something dark and red and vaguely spiked cracked my reverie open and I turned my head. Something flew down out of the dark, emanating a grand, throbbing electrical-sounding chord. It was thrilling.

    Brad, with a great reaching jump and a little llama growl, caught the bug in his teeth. The chord sustained itself, only slightly muffled.

    'Stp tht,' Brad mumbled, his teeth clenched.

    'Brad, let him go,' Buzzfloyd scolded, taking a seat under the mural.

    'Whut is it?' Jordan asked, backing away slightly.

    I turned distractedly back to the mural for a minute, peering up at the dimly lit wall. It almost made me sick to realize Hermes wouldn't ever remember painting it. Maybe he wouldn't ever see Fred again.

    But then, what was so important about Fred?

    I glared back at Brad. The loud whmm noise had faded away and he'd let the little creature out of his mouth and now it was flittering around, turning somersaults in mid-air. The llama was grinning an odd grin.

    'I want a bath. Please.' I said. Brad ignored me. I turned to Buzzfloyd. She had the same sort of grin on her face, as if smiling at an old friend who was making a fool of himself in a most entertaining way. Sighing, I sat down next to her. How she could lounge so comfortably covered with zombie slime and with a wound in her arm, I had no idea.

    'About time you showed up, Pepster,' she said to the thing after it had done a backflip onto her head.

    Pepster climbed down the side of her head and then walked off her shoulder to stand about six inches in front of her face. 'Thought you might want me around for a bit. I hear the most outrageous rumors about this round. How are you doing?'

    Buzzfloyd shook her head. Brad settled down at her feet and answered for her. 'We just tossed a few zombies into the river. Dragonmother's gone and hurled herself off the cliffs.'

    'And Malory?' Pepster asked, sitting down on nothing and letting himself float steadily down to rest on a stool.
  43. chrisjordan New Member

    Oh wow.

    And: woah.

    That was all very creepy. But I still want more.
  44. plaid New Member

    poured out on the coffee table

    I looked suddenly at Buzzfloyd, and then at Jordan, who was leaning against a table and apparently about to sneeze.

    Brad looked at me. 'What, Plaid? What is it?'

    And then they were all staring at me and I had no time to think how I might hide the truth in my face. But I tried to affect an ignorance, somehow, all the time looking to Buzzfloyd to say something. She said nothing.

    'Nothing,' I smiled a short-lived smile.

    Pepster eyed me, his small face trying to make judgements and keep them to himself. He was four inches tall and he had horns hidden in that tawny spiked hair.

    'The Catface,' Brad answered at last, 'is anchored in the east. If were weren't so busy following tangents off into nowhere, we'd be figuring out his next moves.' He finished this statement by glaring at me. I sneered back.

    They proceeded to talk about the Sock Wars. I removed Jordan's hat, leaned back, and stared up into space. Malory was dead. Orrdos was acting like a lunatic coward. I was covered in solidifying orange zombie river goo.

    '--Mazekin's been a right treat, yes. But none of the mermaidens keep up with news. 'Course they don't wear socks so it doesn't affect them, really, and it's only Mossfoot that's had anything to do with--' Pepster was saying.

    I stood up and wandered off. There had to be a bathtub in this place somewhere. Hadn't I seen showers... somewhere... days and days ago?
  45. plaid New Member

    I discovered Jordan was following me as I turned a corner too slowly for him and he stepped on my bare heel.

    'Where ye goin'?' was all he said to my annoyance.

    I said nothing. He continued to follow me. I guessed he could use a bath too.

    We ran into Colonesque outside of his room. He was about to pay us no mind when he suddenly stared. 'You. Plaid.'

    I smiled, a little nervous. 'Hi,' I said.

    'Where's Doors?'

    'River,' Jordan supplied.


    'Dead.' Jordan seemed happy to do the talking. I glowered briefly at him, turning his hat over in my hands.

    Colonesque looked grave.

    'Colonesque--' I started, 'Colonesque, is there a bathtub?' I was practically begging.

    The man with the funny hat looked thoughtful. 'There is,' he said, 'But it don't work.'

    'There isn't anything? Any way we can get these zombie guts off us?'

    'Zombie guts!?' Colonesque shreiked and recoiled from the two of us.

    'Yeah, zombie guts!' Jordan yelled. 'An' yer Doors is still down there at the river, starin' stupidly at the pile a bodies! With that dumb fat elephant!'

    Colonesque tried to run into his room and shut the door as fast as he could. I wasn't sure what Jordan thought would come of him pushing his way inside, but that's what the pirate did.

    I went in with them both, just so I could see what happened next.
  46. plaid New Member

    It was another pie fight. But dirtier.

    Actually it was a fight first, and pie came in the middle. I don't know why Jordan was attacking poor Colonesque, but for some reason, they were at each other's throats on the floor. The door swung further open, and as I cautiously closed it behind me, I noticed a hunched figure on top of the wardrobe. Since it wasn't Nester, I supposed it had to be ... Rincewind.

    He was very unshaven and fidgeting dreadfully.

    'Cut it out, you stupid boys!' I shouted as one of them kicked me in their scuffling.

    I really wanted a bath. The zombie guts were quite crusted and they made my skin itch all over, even through my clothes.

    And then the pie appeared. A beautiful swirly green mint pie, chilled, with chocolate shavings.

    Either Jordan or Colonesque threw an old sock into mine. Their own pies crashed against chair-legs and bed frames, splattering weakly on the clothes-strewn tile, to be mashed and smeared and stirred in with grime during the fight.


    I perched, with my pie carefully in hand, on the chair, hoping nobody would kick it over.

    Rincewind came, rather adriotly, down from the taped-up wardrobe, pulled a drawer open, dug around for a spork, and then wandered around while he ate. It was miraculous he wasn't clobbered.
  47. plaid New Member

    As I watched Rincewind trail his grubby red robe around and dribble pie into his mouth, I remembered that this was the man who had betrayed Hermes and I to Maljonic. Oddly enough my eyes followed his figure without resentment. He looked too witless to blame.

    'Do you know where--' I started to ask, but he looked the last person in the world who would care about taking baths. I finished anyway. Why not? 'Do you know where I could get a wash?'

    He looked up, startled, and his eyes grew wide.

    'Ocean?' he answered. 'You got off the Catface.'

    I nodded.

    And as long as we were getting along so well, I decided I'd see what else I could find out.

    'Where do you keep the monkeys?' I said.


    'What?' Colonesque jumped up and at the same time stepped on Jordan's face.

    Rincewind just turned around and kicked a towel at Colonesque. Then he turned back to me and made a face.

    The other two had stopped fighting and stood up just as calm as a palm tree and a hammock.

    'What about monkeys!?' Colonesque demanded.

    At this Rincewind's face deteriorated into a black mask of hatred and fear.

    'You must have dozens, right?' I said, trying not to start laughing at Jordan's blackening eye. 'And they probably breed too, wherever you keep them.'

    Colonesque lunged, but couldn't decide if he wanted to take down Rincewind or me, so he stopped. Rincewind was glowering, blacker and blacker, his knuckles whitening as he gripped his pie plate.

    'I was just curious, geez,' I said as I stood up and uncerimoniously licked my plate clean of crumbs.
  48. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Wow! Nice! More! Please!
  49. plaid New Member

    bacon and bananas. yes.

    'How does she know about monkeys?!' Colonesque yelled. 'What monkeys?!'

    I looked at Colonesque, puzzled. But I didn't want to be the one to tell him his colleague here was a rebel spy.

    'What monkeys?!' Colonesque turned to Jordan, then back to Rincewind. 'What monkeys is she talking about!?! Do you know what you're talking about?' he finally thought to ask me.

    I shrugged and began to leave the room. I'd taken half a step, and suddenly Rincewind was at the door, holding it shut, still glowering at me.

    Okay, I thought. It's time to be a little nervous. I backed up and asked Colonesque what the heck was wrong with his roommate.

    'What monkeys?!' was all he could say.

    Jordan spoke, 'Why'd yer 'ave to tease 'im, Plaid?'


    Rincewind growled.

    'Come on,' I muttered. 'What's the matter with you?'

    'You. Stupid. Girl. GET BACK COLONESQUE!'

    I scurried to the furthest edge of the room, a little frightened by the loudness of his scream, but mostly not wanting to get slobber sprayed all over me. Not that it would've mattered. I still reeked of zombie guts.

    'Plaid, I think you should get out of here. Take the smelly pirate with you. I can handle this.'

    'Are you sure?' I asked. 'Shouldn't we call Brad or someone?'

    'No! Never tell Brad anything about monkeys. Just get out!'

    Thoroughly sick of being shouted at, I wrenched the side-door to Orrdos's rooms open and escaped.

    I stood very still outside in the corridor for a minute. The screaming from the Doormen's room lasted only a few seconds before dissolving into murmers and grumbles.

    Jordan had come out too and was pacing distractedly.

    'You alright?' we asked each other at the same time.

    'Dashing black eye,' I said.

    'No chance ova bath, then eh?'

    I shook my head.
  50. plaid New Member

    After a little wandering I found the stairs and we went back up to the cave where we'd left Brad, Buzzfloyd, and Pepster. A few others had joined them, including Hsing and Toast, They looked to be just leaving.

    Buzzfloyd smirked at Jordan and I. 'Where've you two been, then?'

    'Buzzfloyd, please tell me there's somewhere we can wash up. I can't stand this any longer.' I scratched my elbow, and littered little orange flakes of dried zombie goo all over the yakskin rug.

    'Hold on. If Brad doesn't need us for Sock Wars business, we'll hike down to the lagoon. Here, hold this.'

    She handed me a large four by four length of board.

    'Hsing, take Pepster with you. Keep an eye on the imp.' Brad let the group he'd been talking to trail out single file, and then he turned to me.

    I didn't care what he was going to say. I was going to get a bath, one way or another.

    Buzzfloyd asked him if he wanted us for anything. He asked Buzzfloyd for a count of everyone lost to the zombies and when he heard we were going to the lagoon, told her to interrogate the mermaidens from top to bottom. 'And Plaid. When you get back, I'd like a word.'

    I nodded.

    'Sure thing,' Buzzfloyd said. 'Let's go. Jordan, you are not coming.'

    'What?' the pirate whined.

    'You are not coming. In fact,' she turned and stared at the boy. 'Turn out your pockets.'
  51. plaid New Member

    Jordan stared at the floor and did as he was told. Three pairs of socks flopped out and landed at his feet.

    'Your sleeves too, roll 'em up.'

    One more.

    'You got pockets in that vest? Cought it up, come on.'

    I gasped. The mangy pirate had managed to stuff eleven socks into his pockets and sleeves while he was horsing around with Colonesque. 'What do you think you're doing?' I accused, throwing his hat in his face.

    He caught the hat, shrugged, and arranged it on his head, tucking curls behind his pierced ears and trying to avoid Buzzfloyd's angry gaze.

    'Stay put. Brad will deal with you.'

    And with that, she and I strode out of the cave and hiked without one rest the short hike to the lagoon.

    This side of the island was all lit up with the late afternoon sun. There was another waterfall several yards up the Garner's crags, and I smiled to see it was perfectly normal: not screaming, not orange.

    'Did Mossfoot really kill Malory?' I asked. 'What will happen to the Sock Wars? Aren't you going to tell Brad?'

    'Brad will find out whatever he needs to find out,' Buzzfloyd said thoughtfully.

    'But I thought no one else was supposed to be involved. Dragonmother... and the mermaidens... What's going to happen to them?'

    She didn't answer that.

    'What good is all this anyway? Does Brad really think he can win? And... the zombies. We all could have died.'

    'I don't read llama's minds, Plaid. Ask him yourself.'

    'But Emma and Keli and all of them... doesn't it matter to you?'

    'Just stop it Plaid. Nothing on this island makes sense, and we wouldn't have died. Zombies aren't dead.'

    I shivered, tripped over a tree root, and slid in a puddle for three feet before crashing into a large bush. Buzzfloyd laughed at me even as she helped me up.
  52. plaid New Member

    'We're nearly there. Thank Ba,' she said.

    The lagoon spread out around large rocks and dripping ferns, clear and beautiful. Buzzfloyd smiled at me, took off her sandals and jacket, and jumped in.

    I looked around, shuffled off my boots, pulled the scarf out of my hair, and waded in after her. The water was so cold and clean, I hated to scrub the orange zombie guts off of my skin into it. Buzzfloyd was already surrounded by an oily sort of tinge. I was glad to know the stuff came off easily, anyway.

    'Where are they all?' I asked.

    'The mermaidens? Just look.' She splashed in the direction of the waterfall. I looked but didn't see anything but spray and rainbows.

    We scrubbed ourselves for what seemed a long time, as the sun sank further away out to the west. I followed Buzzfloyd deeper out into the middle of the pools, happy that my muscles remembered swimming even though I didn't.
  53. chrisjordan New Member

  54. lipi New Member

    I concur with CJ :)
  55. Hsing Moderator

  56. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    yes. more. please.
  57. plaid New Member

    sweeping under

    'We should get back. It'll be dark.'

    My fingers were dreadfully wrinkled, but going back and facing 'a word' with that llama was not something I really wanted to do.

    'I haven't met any mermaidens yet, Buzzfloyd,' I complained.

    Buzzfloyd made a face at me. 'You want to meet the mermaidens, do you?'

    I nodded. What was so crazy about that?

    'Right then.' She climbed up onto a slippery rock and shouted towards the waterfall. 'Get going, Plaid. They want us to come to them.'

    Buzzfloyd dived back in and we swam hard against the pounding falls. I almost swam right into one of the fish people.

    She was thin and somewhat stern-looking, with a wet mess of brown hair against her neck and shoulders.

    'Marcia,' Buzzfloyd spluttered, pushing her own wet hair out of her eyes and grabbing hold of the ledge of rock, 'this is Plaid. A new one.'

    As I smiled at Marcia, she looked me over and blinked thoughtfully, saying nothing. Then she turned back to Buzzfloyd. 'Zombies, I see?'

    Both of us nodded solemnly.

    'Well, come in,' Marcia said, disappearing under the waterfall.

    I thought we'd surely be crushed going under all that cascading water, but we made it to the dark of the other side soon enough. It was cold. Being wet, with no possible way to avoid being wet, didn't help.

    'What else have you seen lately, Marcia?' Buzzfloyd asked, true to her word about interrogating the mermaidens for Brad.

    But Marcia was not going to be free and easy with information. She stretched her slick black tail out over a smooth, curved rock and yawned, twiddling her right hand in the water.

    Four more of them came up all at once and peered curiously at Buzzfloyd and I. Recognizing Mynona, I felt a sudden panic that she would give me away somehow. I had to tell myself several times that it didn't matter, and that she probably wouldn't betray that she'd helped Malory in front of Buzzfloyd. Or in front of Marcia. Then I remembered what I had heard about this Marcia, and was afraid all over again.

    'Malory is dead,' Marcia said. 'Introduce yourselves to Plaid, the rest of you.'

    Mynona, Mazekin, Mclaren, and Mossfoot gave me their names in turn. They said nothing else as they took places around the edges of the pool and made themselves comfortable.

    'Malory is dead,' Buzzfloyd answered.

    'Is it true Mossfoot killed him?' I couldn't stop myself from asking this, though I did try not to look at Mossfoot while I did.
  58. plaid New Member

    Marcia stared at me coldly and I had to jerk myself away from Buzzfloyd trying to slap me.

    'I just think we should all tell the truth, okay?' I said.

    There was a cough behind me, but I didn't turn to look. I was trying my best to stare Marcia down.

    'Mossfoot,' Marcia said, still staring straight into my eyes, 'this girl makes a very serious accusation.'

    Mynona's not the only one keeping secrets from Marcia, I thought. Unless...

    I turned around and gave my weak, inquisitive stare to Mossfoot. But he wasn't there.

    'Where did he go?' I gasped. 'Where did he go?'

    Marcia's face told me nothing.

    'You...' but I couldn't think of any insults. 'What's going on?'

    'She's dangerous, Marcia. Don't listen to her,' Mclaren was speaking. 'I don't know what Brad thinks he's doing. But of course he can't see what I see.'

    I stared at this young fish-person at Mynona's left hand. He was chewing on something's tentacle and letting his eyes wander.

    'Buzzfloyd, what are these people?' I whispered.

    'Shh,' she said. And then to Marcia, 'We didn't really come here for political reasons. We know you don't care about the Sock Wars. Plaid just wanted to meet a real mermaiden. Which she has. Perhaps we should go now.'


    'Brad's waiting.'

    'But we--'

    'I believe,' Marcia began, 'that Brad asked you to perform this little interrogation. I'd thank you not to lie to me.'

    'Alright then,' Buzzfloyd said, taking a deep breath.

    'How about you not lying to us either?' I said.

    'You presume too much on us, Plaid. You have no right to know our secrets.'

    I was silent. Buzzfloyd was silent. Marcia smirked a little. The light through the waterfall was fading. Maybe it was pointless of us to be here.

    'Mynona,' Marcia continued speaking pleasantly, 'Has Parody brought back anything today?'

    Mynona squirmed almost imperceptibly and answered 'Just a few crab cages. And a wheel from something. And a broken lamp full of seahorses.'

    'Seahorses?' Mazekin seemed interested.

    I tried not to be bored. I still wanted to know where Mossfoot had disappeared to. Had Marcia known about his murder? Was she covering him or what? The fishpeople were impossible to read.

    'Let's go,' Buzzfloyd said softly. She opened her mouth to give our leave to Marcia, but none of the merfolk were paying us any attention.
  59. plaid New Member

    'Do we have anything warm to drink left?' Mazekin was saying. 'The cider Pepster left. Is there still some in the locker?'

    'Pepster drank it all, I'm sure,' Mynona said.

    'He didn't,' Marcia said evenly. 'We still have half a case. Pepster was in too much of a restless hurry to remember it.'

    The mermaidens laughed together while Buzzfloyd and I looked at each other, wondering what to do.

    'Is Pepster on your side? Do you even have a side?' I was braving Marcia's cold stare again by asking these questions, but I didn't really care. Buzzfloyd grimaced at my effrontery. As I looked at her with a shrug, I wondered if she knew anything about Doors's involvement here. Which side was Orrdos on?

    'A side?' Mclaren said. 'In these silly Sock Wars?' he scoffed.

    'We are on our own side, of course,' Marcia told me. 'Socks matter nothing to us.'

    'Mossfoot gets morbidly interested in it all,' Mazekin said. 'He's strange.'

    I couldn't help laughing at the wistful way she said so. 'Why get involved at all then? Why spy on us like that?'

    Marcia fairly growled at me. 'You don't know what you're talking about, girl. Stop asking questions you don't want to know the answers to.'

    'You don't know what I want.'

    'Plaid, you--' Buzzfloyd was trying to tell me I was being tactless and rude, I think. I looked at her as if tact was the dimmest star in the sky and really worthless, in such circumstances.

    'They killed Malory, Buzzfloyd. Orrdos bribed them with dragonskin. That's a big deal, isn't it?'

    Her only mildly worried expression drilled my conviction full of holes. What if it wasn't? What if Jordan had lied? What if Orrdos was simply mad? What if ...

    There were a lot of things I didn't know. The water around me became full of loud, cold splashes. When I looked around, all the merfolk were gone and Buzzfloyd was glaring at me.

    She grabbed my arm and we returned to shore. I struggled a little, but she would not let go of me and kicking at her was more effort than it was worth. I had nowhere else to go.

    As we trudged, sopping, back to the caves, I had a feeling I was going to get yelled at. I had a feeling I was going to get locked up somewhere. I was hungry, and at the same time afraid I would never taste pie again.
  60. plaid New Member

    I sat down on a large, moss-covered log and stared in pain at the brilliant sunset up there in the sky.

    When Buzzfloyd joined me she sighed and wrung out a section of her dripping hair, and then started talking.

    'A side, for those mermaidens, would be too complicated. They see too much of everything on this island. That's why there are rules about them being involved.'

    'Some rules,' I muttered. I'd seen enough to know whatever rules there were didn't matter. Zombies don't listen to rules. Why should llamas? Why should any of us?

    'Hey, the rules have worked. In the past. I know Brad's used you for spying, but you did agree to it.'

    'What about Hermes? He agreed to it too. And now he doesn't know who he is. On some pirate ship with a dead captain.'

    Buzzfloyd put her hand on my shoulder and sighed.

    After a long silence during which I tried to suck back a few angry tears, she spoke again. 'We need to get back. Brad wants to see you and it's almost dark.'

    It was, and the forest around us was taking on a creepy gray coldness. Still, I did not want to see that llama. I stayed on the log as Buzzfloyd stood up and began walking.

    'Plaid? Hey, you have nowhere else to go. Come on.'

    I didn't move.


    I rolled my eyes and glared through the twilight at the woman. 'Don't you wonder what else there is, Buzzfloyd? This stupid llama, and this freaky island, and that's it? Why does everyone just... take it?'

    'What is the matter with you Plaid?' Buzzfloyd returned to the log and gave me an almost frightened look of concern.

    'That llama hates me, I know it. And I hate him.'


    I scraped my feet along the dead leaves and mud around the log. 'I could go anywhere I want. There's always pie.'

    She shivered, taking her seat next to me again. 'And get killed by a dragon or eaten by zombies. Or go mad, like Joyce.'

    'That's another thing I don't get!' I shouted. 'Who the heck is Joyce? And Brad, he just... he wanted that dragon woman to die. He was relieved on the cliff.'

    'I don't know about that. Plaid, come back to the caves and get warm. I'm not leaving you out here all night with wet clothes.'

    'Whatever. I'm not coming.'

    'You're just being stubborn. Think about this--'

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