Cougars in Training

Why younger men are dating older women

A new breed of cougars has emerged—they're called pumas. These 30-something women are eager to get in on the boy-toy action, and guys are happy to oblige. Fact is, no matter what age bracket you're talking about, being with an "older" woman appeals to a lot of men. She has the benefit of life experience, education, and sophistication—three traits guys admire, according to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., of the Center for Evolutionary Studies at Rutgers University. "Nowadays, women are more financially successful than ever, and this shift has changed what many men desire in a partner," she says. "Guys are often attracted primarily to a woman's independence, direction in life, and job success." There also may be less pressure for them to prove themselves financially, because pumas tend to be more understanding if younger guys lack ambition or success.

Cub appeal

Women in these relationships are also reaping the benefits. Since the guys may not have nailed down a high-powered career, they are often more carefree, relaxed, and up for anything, which can be a refreshing break for women who have been dating their stressed-out male peers, according to research by Sandra L. Caron, Ph.D., a professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine. Then there's the ego boost: Considering that these guys have the option of scoring younger women, a puma can feel pretty damn good when she snags a cub.

What's more, says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers, younger guys have a tendency to put older girlfriends up on a pedestal and are more easily impressed by their achievements than older men might be. And who wouldn't love that?

The sizzle factor
As cougars well know, and pumas are figuring out, dating a younger guy can be like hitting the sexual jackpot—and not just because women peak later than men do. "A woman in her thirties is very sexually compatible with a man in his early to mid twenties," says Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed marital and family therapist in San Jose, California. "As women leave their angst-ridden twenties behind, they become more comfortable in their skin, and instead of worrying about how they look during sex, they focus more on how they feel."

And this self-assurance is very attractive to young men. According to Caron, today's guys are more "emotionally aroused," focusing less on how a woman looks and more on her independence. "Appearance will always play a major role in physical attraction, but being with a woman who has confidence is more appealing for some young men than her having supertight abs," she says. And if you've got both, all the better!

Embrace Your Inner Wildcat

Don't focus on your age. "If he's dating you, he's already over the age stigma, so calling attention to it with jokes will only make you seem insecure," says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers. Instead, flaunt your sophistication by reminding him what a real woman can offer. Invite him to a gallery opening, take an exotic cooking class together, or enjoy a wine tasting.

Let him pay for dinner. Chances are, you make more than he does, but don't pick up the tab every time you go out. "No matter what his age, a man needs to feel like he's contributing," Marshall says.

Show him the way in the sack. A huge perk to dating younger guys: They aim to please in bed. "Women often feel shy speaking up when something doesn't feel good, but young guys want direction," Marshall says. "Not only are they eager to learn new techniques, but the thrill of satisfying you will make them want to keep trying."

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