Being alpha doesn’t necessarily mean being popular

Being alpha doesn’t necessarily mean being popular

Nov 4, 2013

Can you be an alpha without leading  or otherwise being the center of a social group? The answer is a definitive yes. A lot of people on /r/theredpill, especially the newer (and younger sounding) users tend to think that if they’re not constantly the center of attention then they’re not alpha. This is nothing but narcissism manifesting itself as weakness. It’s such a black and white view and it buys into the overarching primitively sung narrative by the would-be detractors of red philosophy that the red pill is about turning chimpanzees into silverback gorillas who can beat their chests the loudest and transform into vagina slaying men of the jungle as if we’re all still the hairy neanderthal subjects of an ancient wilderness; just like the silver tinge to the silverback gorillas coat, there are many shades of grey, fuck it, probably as many as 50 shades of grey when it comes to “being alpha.”

Sometimes even when someone’s got more social power within a group than you they don’t necessarily flaunt it by making a grandiose show or otherwise hitting you over the head with the fact, groups like this are enjoyable despite your lack of absolute hegemony over them. You may not be the top dog in this specific circle but you’re not having someone try to shit on your ego with their higher status by conducting elaborate over the top egotistical drawn out displays which scream “look at me, I’m so high value” in a needy attempt to defend the perception that they’re the boss, EG: the muscly guy who just won’t stop flexing his bicep, kissing it and then trying to make eye contact… not because he’s gay and he’s into you, but simply just because he is a cunt.

So what happens when someone is a dick and has the edge in a peer group over you, as to say in the pecking order they’re higher up than you are? My advice is very simple – quit that social circle. Hanging around someone who is a dick (not for banter and to elevate the group but to feed their ego with your misery via the process of emotional vampirism) will do your mental health and sense of self no good. If a peer group doesn’t bring benefit or facilitate positive energy, don’t cling to it, dump it (like a common street whore!) If it’s in education or work and you can’t viably quit the peer group without adversely shitting on your life then instead opt to spend the bare minimum amount of time with said people whilst putting minimal effort into your interactions with them.

For the time you’re forced to endure with the group, retain your composure and a demeanor of stoicism. Don’t be afraid to hit back at anyone who takes any verbal jabs at you, don’t become the scapegoated fool, just because you’re not vying for group leader doesn’t mean you need to be the group bitch either, if someone comes after you then agree and amplify with their bullshit and be done with it. Like in any setting you need to be able to hold your own, hypersensitivity is not an option.

As long as you don’t let people bully/denigrate you and you have enough control over your own emotions, you won’t find yourself being exploited by groups, just don’t expect even after having become high value that you can lead every group you become a part of, you can be alpha in yourself and not lead a specific group or social circle and there’s nothing wrong with that. Being alpha is a state of consciousness and existence, it’s somewhat philosophical and transcends metaphysical barriers and whilst this sense of self definitely manifests in your social interactions, social interactions do not by and large determine the totality of if you’re an alpha or not. You do by how much you work on yourself. It’s not the end of the world if you’re not the favorite person in a specific group or circle, you have your own life/goals/mission to conduct and thus giving a crap too much about what the IT department thinks about your inability to keep the printer functional and the subsequent bitching which results from that is not the kind of crap you need concern your mind with, it’s trivial.

Being able to lead or otherwise be respected by any group you are in is indicative that you possess any number of alpha traits, you do not need to lead every group you’re in to be “alpha.” Personally I’m a fan of indifference in groups where your value is not getting the appreciation or recognition it deserves because for whatever reason the people either don’t notice or appreciate the value which you possess. If you actually don’t give a fuck about people who don’t give a fuck about you not only can you concentrate on your own progress but somewhat ironically it’s also simultaneously a demonstration of high value, the reason for this is because people infer you have enough options and esteem to not need their social circle or validation, although this is implied in their perception it is rarely verbalized and communicated. It sounds simple when it’s written down like that but it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to prove yourself to others in an attempt to be liked and thus feel validated. Cut that crap out already if it’s a habit you’ve formed.

In my opinion it’s extremely needy to feel like you always have to be the boss/leader of everything you do everywhere you go, you have to be comfortable with the reality that you’re not always the best guy for the job, you can’t always be in control or the most appreciated and loved guy, it is what it is – you will be incredibly disappointed if this is something you struggle to come to terms with and on this point, onto a personal story of mine in the form of anecdotal evidence:

I’ve seen a mix of alpha/beta qualities in a guy at university, on the surface he seems alpha but if you go down the rabbit hole you’ll know better. He comes across as the overly extroverted funny guy but the amount of self restraint he places on praising others even when they do things which warrant genuine recognition and the amount of attention and validation seeking he does means I can deduce despite his social status and sizable social circles he is insecure as fuck and nothing but a self-interested manipulative performer thirsty for power at all costs, not dark triad, but border-lining on it.

Downplaying or not acknowledging others achievements while overplaying your own is weak in integrity whilst machiavellianist in nature, so although that doesn’t make him “100% beta” it means he’s not alpha either, I’d say he’s a greater beta or a weaker alpha (I hate these categorical terms, honestly.) I understand why he does his power plays based upon my observations of him, he grabs power from a place of weakness (an inherent need to be noticed/validated) and that insecurity is so pronounced that he actually cares more about the tiny battles than anyone else does, so he wins more skirmishes on pure perseverance more than anything else, he’s totally relentless in his need to win and has incredible psychological endurance to pursue something to a conclusion which favors him – he’ll beat you over the head with your own exhaustion.

Quite interestingly in fact there is one girl, just one person in the entire group does not really talk to him much at all, he commented on it before saying “oh she never talks to me so I don’t know what’s going on with her but “IllimitableMan” will know where she is” he said this because she has  spoken to me more than anybody else in the group, but not just because of that – but because specifically she wasn’t talking to him, it was a manifestation of his narcissism being butthurt and you could hear it in the tone of his voice.

He’s very high energy and in your face to everybody, he has the art of timing down to a tee and he uses that art of delivery to produce comedy based upon the current context to great effect, he’s loud about it and wants to be heard (he is effectively performing) and this is all being done in an attempt to try to pull people into his orbit by making them laugh and thus give him control over them. Other times he just reframes what someone said to make them look silly. He shit tests everyone, but he goes nuclear shit test mode on the girls, constantly keeping them on their toes. For some reason the girl that doesn’t speak to him doesn’t seem to be too entertained by him, perhaps she can see through his bullshit too, I don’t know yet and I’d have to probe her for the knowledge, however having observed his lack of ability to affect her and his subsequent disdain in the form of a bitchy comment about her in passing suggests that it bothers him she’s not taken in by him.

Effectively this translates as: “Oh shit, someones socially escaped my gravitational pull!” On the surface this guy may look alpha, he’s social, he says hi to everyone, many people know him, but when you go deeper he fucking gives a shit when just one girl (I’d say she’s a 7.5) doesn’t give him the time of day. That’s what I’d call toxic narcissism, narcissism that doesn’t serve you but damages you when someone won’t validate you, hardly an alpha characteristic as it’s something you find to be very common with today’s western women EG: “why is this guy ignoring me?! I’m like… so incredibly pretty!… I just need this guy to look at me for like 2 seconds to reinforce my self esteem!” 

He gets quite annoying, I don’t hate him but I couldn’t spend too much time around him as I’m not caught in his spell of bullshit and can see through his “social performances” it will be interesting to just watch him and see his status fluctuate and observe how he handles that over the year, I have no doubt like any empire or sphere of influence he will lose battles and be unable to maintain the charade, he’s a smart guy and I’ve even managed to enjoy a conversation with him when there were three of us rather than the entire class, however I can see he’s using up a lot of energy trying to be this character that everyone approves of and that will test even his insane sense of mental endurance. /end anecdote

The moral of the story: if you’re at the point where you’re considerably alpha/high value don’t expect to automatically be accepted everywhere you go with all the different groups that you interact with, being alpha and being extroverted are not synonymous, some extroverts are complete fucking betas – there is overlap but they are not the same thing (and that topic in and of itself is for an article of its own!) Some people no matter what you do just won’t like you and you have to be OK with that, abundance mentality – these people don’t like me? Ok. Fuck them. Minimize your exposure or move on when you meet people like this. It’s effectively the “don’t chase, replace” mantra you use when dating women except its being applied to social groups in general, not just women. Don’t be dependent on other people for your validation, it makes you weak. Being alpha and being perceived as alpha are not the same thing, one is a sense of self – the other is the power of popularity. Some people aren’t worth the hassle or energy so get new people, there’s only 7,000,000,000 on the planet so don’t feel too spoilt for choice or too timid to learn another language. Ironically sometimes when people see you’re not trying with them and don’t care what they think, they see the strength in your independence and end up coming to you anyway because they’re attracted to that. How delightfully ironic.

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Limitations are temporary, I'm a big proponent of self-improvement. Heavily intellectual. I enjoy the humorous banter of sarcastic sharp minds sadistically slaughtering each other with double entendre, innuendo and other such schemes of verbal delight, I love swearing, being an asshole to people with a huge sense of entitlement (generally that's western chicks and rich kiddies) as well as having sex and not getting cockblocked by ugly hos or beta bitches. I'm philosophical by nature. I'm an avid anti-feminist as I believe third wave feminism is a supremacist movement which has betrayed the roots of what essentially started as a civil rights group and is so full of logical inconsistency it's laughable anyone even takes their cacophonous bullshit seriously. I type a lot and I use big words, that's my style. I also hate writing fucking biographies like this but I've done it - for you - so feel special - you're special. Only joking you're just another groupie. OK, I'll stop spitting game on you. You're free to go. I'm done.

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  1. Jai Dudge /

    Great piece. The personal anecdote really helped add sustenance. I too dislike the binary alpha/beta system. I suppose that can be over come by specifying and saying “X of his personality is Beta” , “Y of his personality is Alpha”. Gee, your the first person I’ve ever seen use Infer correctly.

    Just one critique: some of your sentences are seriously fucking long.


  2. glenbert /

    Wishful thinking. In actual science, an alpha male is a the socially dominant male. Period.

    If you aren’t socially dominant you are a failure.

    Everything else is beta game.

    • You’re wrong. In “actual science” if you are referring to monkeys and shit, dominance is the apex of social value.

      In human societies you can have high social value (physique/money/good sense of humour/intelligent etc) without being the center of attention.

      You can DHV without being popular, to be popular is to DHV, to be unpopular is to DLV, to be anywhere in the between means your social status is not affecting your SMV. Your SMV is affected by things other than your popularity, but your wealth, physique/health, social ability/sense of humour and intelligence (not so much nerdy, but life experience/wisdom)

      On these basis I reject your opinion, SMV isn’t entirely dependent on social status.

  3. LeChevalierRouge /

    Stressing alpha/beta as a set of traits and behaviors rather than a dichotomy is timely given the large influx of RPers right now. It is easy for someone to declare themselves “alpha” as self-validation and not see that the path of self-mastery is endless.

    The terms alpha and beta arose from studying animal social behavior in captivity, which is little better than studying human behavior in prison. A small, managed environment allowing only limited activity does not require forming a complex social structure necessary for survival. Our innate social structures are only slightly less complicated than that of baboons and do not fall into a simple linear hierarchy, even among males.

    If you have experience on a competitive sports team, it is easy to observe male teamwork/collaboration in action. A few weeks ago I was watching a young teen hockey game in which a friend was coaching, actively observing the team’s behavior. Early adolescents are great to watch as they are just starting to learn man behavior and most of what they display is instinct at that point. Status on the team quickly changes with players’ skill, and boys that insist on seeking dominance disrupt the team and quickly become marginalized. In fact it is usually the coach who has to rehab them to get them to fit back into the team.

    In our world we can easily navigate multiple social circles, many of which do not have time to settle into a stable state. With nothing at stake, some people will show unregulated aggression (including passive aggression). I personally have never been in a circle of men that have created a stable functional group without an external force to act on together. When I encounter an aggressive asshole, I either practice jousting practice (the one that gets worked up first loses) or leave.

    Be a team player with other men you respect (for me, those are other men who demonstrate competence, accountability, and a strong sense of honor) and the respect will become reciprocal and you will find you have more support when you are in the leadership position. Increase your “alpha game” and you may find that you can handle that belligerent asshole in a group with a cool nonchalance.

  4. It almost sounds like the writer is describing >sigma< behavior there. Not quite alpha, but doesn't give a shit, neither.

    In many ways, sigma can be described as the introverted sign of the alpha coin: not all that out-going, but people still seem to gravitate around him; aloof to the point where he's allof towards his friends at times; etc etc

    It's not a bad thing, truth is a sigma can avoid some of the bullshit an alpha goes through and still be quite successful at whatever he wants to do.

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