The Curator of the Bomford Collection, Claude Hipkiss, has been handed a most fascinating account of the dynasty of the Senapods from a book published in 1956 called The Faecal Finger of Fate. Claude and the Earl would like to thank their contact DJ English from MySpace for giving permission to publish his fascinating results on the Sild Hall website.

There is some uncertainty about the time in which the four Senapod pharaohs ruled in Egypt. Few doubt that they were part of the IV dynasty, though some would say they should more rightly be placed at the end of the III dynasty. Generally such details are not important in recognising their effect on Egyptian society, and indeed on the entire world in later years.

Senopod I came to power after the death of his uncles, sisters, brothers, nephew, Senefru. Also often spelled Snefru/Snofu/Senofru and occasionally Snafu, this famous ruler came to power at the end of a line of Pharaohs who placed increasingly restrictive structures of bureaucracy on their subjects. This was largely thought to be the result of their own internal constrictions. Consider the location of the great Egyptian culture. An area largely desert, with only the banks of the Nile available for farming, they could not help but suffer a severely restricted diet. This limitation caused an inevitable constriction within the body (both politic and physical). As anyone who has suffered extreme and continuous constipation will know, it has a serious effect on outlook - and temper.

Senefru's, having been constipated for most of his life, demonstrated his frustration at that condition in a rush of attempted conquests of neighbouring Nubia. During his reign his forces captured around 200,000 cattle and several thousand slaves, forcing them to work in the

Egyptian cities (many of these slaves were young females and were sold as potential marriage partners to wealthy Egyptian civil servants - from which the term Nubile originated). These efforts were to no avial however, and Senefru finally died as he had lived, straining for enlightenment at the relatively young age of thirty seven.

During the latter years of his reign he arranged the building of pyramids as his final resting place at Dahshur. These included the 'Red' pyramid (suggesting that perhaps he had suffered haemorrhoids as a result of the straining) and the famous 'bent' pyramid (it was after this that his name became used as an acronym for 'Situation Normal, All Fucked Up', made popular by the Royal Air Force centuries later when referring to the higher chains of command), whose misshapen side is very suggestive of someone bent forward in a position of strain.

After Senefru's death, Senopod I realised something drastic must be done to release Egyptian society from the constrictions his predecesors had imposed.

Senapod I
During this era of Egyptian history, herbalism was a scientific force to be reckoned with. The fascination with body paints in particular had resulted in an understanding of the colours available from various plants. Henna for instance offered a wonderful golden-yellow powder which could be used as a body paint if mixed with one of the many vegetable oils. Similarly, Senna, harvested from the leaves of the plant Cassia Acutiflora (cassia with a cute flower) offered another yellow variation, though paler and often used as a background colour for henna decorations.

One night, during a particularly bad period of ill health, King Senapod I awoke in a state of some inebriation and, while wandering around his palace trying to walk off a major case of indegestion, grabbed a handful of small, round objects from a bowl on the table. In the darkness, he assumed they were his favorite delicacy - a small dung beatle, drowned in wine, then dried in the sun. In fact, they were seed pods from Cassia Augustiflora (cassia which flowers in August), another source of senna, which servants had accidentally

left out after harvesting the leaves for paint. The king swallowed these and, an hour or so later suffered an explosive enlightenment (after which he felt a great deal lighter).

Realising he had made an important discovery, and in a really good mood for the first time in many years, he promoted the servants who had left the senna pods on the table to royal herbologists, and set them to experimenting with the senna pods and leaves.

Senapod I made his remarkable discovery at the age of thirty and, during the last five years of his life perfected the harvesting and processing of Senna into an industry. He died shortly after his thirty fifth birthday having taken a large dose of Senna pods and retired to his chamber where he was found, a shadow of his earlier self (having lost several stone from regular use of senna) with a large smile on his face, collapsed on his chamber pot.

Senapod II
Senapod II came to power at the young age of thirteen. The son of Senapod I, he had watched his father develop senna into a saleable product, and, having a taste for the high life, he developed this further into a major international market. In fact, gambling in Senna futures on the Egyptian stock market built and destroyed many fortunes during this period.

The success of senna was demonstrated by the increase in 'public conveniences' in the Egyptian cities of that era. Also in the home, where in previous eras, only a single trench in the back yard was used for a toilet, most houses now had at least two enclosed rooms, usually lined with marble tiles and comfortable seating. It was here that many of the wealthier members of society welcomed guests who would be served the ripest of senna pods to the accompanyment of live musician (perhaps in an attempt to drown the sounds of the natural bodily functions which followed consumption of the pods - this may also be where the idea of 'chamber music' originated). As a result of this increase in 'facilities', the need for people to maintain the systems supporting them grew, in this case, people to remove faeces from the houses to take them to the storage pits where they would be allowed to ferment before being used as fertiliser for the fields of Senna plants growing along the banks of the Nile. Obviously, this was not a pleasant job and, given a lack of people showing a willingness to take up such a profession, it fell to prisoners (particularly those locked in debtors prisons) to perform this odious task. The role of 'Shit Shifter' became the second worst punishment for any criminal (some suggested in fact, death was preferrable).

The increasing number of people risking their fortune and losing it, only to be forced into labouring as shit shifters, and in the fermentation farms (where many workers were heard to comment that their's was a 'shit


job') inevitably lead to an underground movement. This movement intially tried to rebel by attacking members of the government in their homes and offices. The sight of crowds of stooped, pinch-faced people rushing towards the doors dressed in brown stained clothing lead to many a shout of 'the peasants are revolting!'. Which of course, they were on many levels.

The main form of security at the time were the fan-wielding 'order of the fragrant breeze'. These professional body guards carried multi-bladed, sharp edged fans and protected their employers with great zeal. Many a threatened potentate was heard to comment with amusement while watching his body guards work that they loved it when 'the shits hit the fan'.

Senopod II's reign was cut short when he was assassinated at the age of twenty-five by a Nubian slave girl who was paid by a disgruntled investor to substituted the senna in his evening wine for henna. The result was an interesting yellow cast to his skin and eyes. He was assumed to have died from liver failure as the appearance was similar to jaundice.

Because he was childless when he died, his brother came to power as Senopod III. Already in his middle twenties, Senopod III picked up pretty much where his brother left off (including the Nubian slave girl, whom he married shortly after taking the throne - some suggest he may in fact have been the disgruntled investor who had his brother killed out of love for the nubile young slave).

Senapod III
Having watched the deterioration of society under his brother's rule, Senopod III realised something needed to change. Although senna had brought about many beneficial changes in people's lives, there was a dark side. The divisions in society were increasing with each passing year, with those of great wealth reducing in number, but increasing in the size of their fortune. Since there was a finite supply of money, it stood to reason that the numbers of poorest members of society (in particular those forced into labour as shit shifters) had increased. This imbalance created a dangerous social dynamic, and Senapod III demonstrated his natural understanding of human need by addressing this imbalance immediately on taking power.

During his brother's reign, almost the entire civil service had been diverted into two areas: increasing sale and profit from senna, and finding excuses to lock people up and thus increase the number of available shit shifters. Senapod III immediately disbanded the civil service and re-employed those with any scientific leanings into developing improved systems to deal with the flood of benefits accruing from Senna farming. The first, and greatest of these, was the water closet based flush toilet. Probably the second greatest influence on society during the reign of Senopod I-IV, this removed the need for shit shifters, and in so doing, rebalanced the extremes of society. Although reduced to the lowest levels of society, many of these newly released prisoners had been some of the brightest and most ambitious members of society, and they proved it by diverting their new found leisure time into ways of earning money. The concept of gambling became big business, and a new renaissance overtook Egyptian society (see the article on the origins of Poker on this forum for more examples of the tumultuous occurances of this era - ED).

It is interesting to note that, in almost all games developed during that time, the term 'flush' related to the highest score available. Many of the games similarly related to the new water closet, and included the term flush. Flush the hare was perhaps the most famous of the era. It was probably intended originally to be based on how many flushes of the bowl would be required to remove a single human hair from the water. Later however, this was substituted for a hare (probably initially a drunken prank, this became a great underground hit on a par with tortoise baiting - another example of human need to torture poor dumb animals).

With Senopod III, a period of relative peace descended on the Egyptian empire. As the years went by however, a new threat raised it's head, as it always tends to when money is plentiful and leisure too large a part of a person's routine. This new threat was the snorting of powdered Senna.

As tends to happen when the wealthy begin to get bored, someone had tried grinding senna pods to a fine powder in order to make them more effective. It can only be assumed that, perhaps by accident, they inhaled this power and found the effect remarkable. Finely powered senna, when inhaled throught the nose would transfer immediately to the blood supply in the vicinity of the brain. This would have an initial hallucinogenic effect before causing the usual spontaneous bowel evacuation. It didn't take long before this new use for senna took off. The fascination spread and soon, even the most sensible and responsible of citizens spent a large part of every day seated on their own personal throne, snorting the fine yellowish powder and mumbling things like 'hey, wow, now that's really good shit man!'

Senopod III realised that this new habit could easily lead to the destruction of his delicately balanced society, so took steps to stop it in it's tracks. His first step however proved to also be his last.

Soldiers were told to seek out the people making the snorting senna and burn both the product, and the house (and with luck, the manufacturers too, if they were engrossed in snorting the stuff at the time). Unfortunately the result of this approach was drastic (with a capital D). Within hours of the order being given, a pall of yellowish smoke settled over the city. Citizens breathing it in initially coughed a little, then began staggering around with a dazed expression muttering, much like their snorting cousins 'wow man, that is really good shit!'

Unfortunately, since most were in the streets at the time, the secondary effect resulted in rendering the streets pretty uninhabitable until enough people had recovered to take on the temporary role of shit shoveller. Senopod III himself succumbed to the cloud and passed away peacefully, with a beautific smile on his face, much like his father years before.
Senapod IV
Senopod IV inherited an empire with problems. The Nubians were revolting, but not as bad as his own citizens. All around, enemies poised to take over the weakened empire. Far too many of his soldiers were helplessly addicted to Senna in one or other of it's forms, and he had no way to solve the problem. In circumstances where the odds are insuperable, often the only answer is, if you can't beat them join them.

The development of the Egyptian empire into the senna cartel was rapid and complete. Where once had been a proud civilisation, now stood a mercenary group who's only aim was to extend the market for the product that supported it. The region was broken up into 'families' who's sole purpose was to gain control of a portion of the globe. The aim was, to extend the coverage of the Senna addicted populous, and take over countries which fell victim to it. This daring plan had the benefit of never having been tried before. Unfortunately, the Egyptians had been closed behind their borders for too long.

They soon found that, while senna was a powerful drug, it could not compete with Hashish coming via
Persia out of Turkey and Opium creeping across the globe from the Orient. Finally realising he was facing certain death if he remained in Egypt, Senopod IV escaped, with his entourage into Northern Africa, where he had the gall to set up a new country - called Senogall (the name over the ensuing centuries adapted down to Senegal). As his resignation letter to the 'board' as he had started to call his government said 'sorry guys, looks like we're shit out of luck - keep the faith, I don't need it where I'm going!'

After he left, the Persians and Nubians took over most of Egypt, ruling it for some years until the Egyptians (now free of their addiction to Senna) rose again to take the reins of power. The name of Senopod was consigned to the scrap heap of history after the IVth holder left Egypt, and many of their inventions and discoveries lapsed, only to be re-discovered centuries later. There can be no doubt however that these four pharaohs demonstrated a forward thinking genius that exceeded anything before or since.