A Brief History of Guys Shooting Themselves in the Dick

This sort of thing happens far too often

The self-inflicted dick gunshot wound is common enough that it almost seems as if it could be a kink. Basically, dudes shooting themselves in the penis is a shockingly frequent occurrence. Or at least frequent enough that there’s a special tourniquet designed to stop such misfires from proving deadly. Here then are the most ridiculous instances of dudes accidentally shooting themselves in the dick….

1) Some irony to start: Terrion Pouncy of Chicago shot himself in the penis after allegedly robbing a hot-dog stand. According to a report last year in the Huffington Post, the dick wound occurred when Pouncy bent over to collect the cash, shifting the gun in his waistband. “[While running away from the restaurant], he apparently pulled the trigger and fired a bullet that struck him in the penis,” reported HuffPo. Unfortunately for Pouncy, the dick wound proved painful enough that he was forced to call 911 on himself.

2) The same kinda thing — i.e., an errant bullet to the dick leading to jail time — happened to Cedrik Jelks of Jacksonville. He faced a minimum three-year prison sentence all because he sat on a gun he had on the front seat of his car — a gun he wasn’t supposed to have in the first place. “Jelks pleaded guilty in 2004 to cocaine possession, according to court records,” reported the Miami Herald. “He got five days in the county jail, time served, and paid $438. That guilty plea made Jelks a convicted felon.” And convicted felons aren’t allowed to have firearms — even in the state of Florida.

3) This one will make you cringe twice. First, for the same reason as the rest of the list — a dude sent a speeding bullet toward his nether regions; and second, because of who 43-year-old Donald Watson blamed his bad aim on. “When asked how the cringe-inducing injury came to be, Watson replied that he’d been shot by a black man who tried to rob him while he was taking out the trash,” reported VICE. According to the same report, when cops later found traces of bullets and an empty gun case inside the apartment, they questioned Watson again, at which point he confessed to accidentally firing the weapon himself.

4) The most gruesome self-inflicted dick gunshot wound occurred in 2014 at a gas station in Macon, Georgia, as the bullet went through an unidentified man’s penis and exited through his butt. Somehow, he stayed strong enough to enlist the help of a friend: “Instead of calling an ambulance or at least driving himself to the hospital, the man drove to a buddy’s house and asked the friend to drive him to the hospital,” reported The Daily Banter (they, like us, also went to the trouble of enumerating the myriad times men have shot themselves in the dick). Luckily, he lived.

5) Joshua Seto of Arizona was walking into a convenience store with his fiancée when he stuffed her little pink pistol into his waistband. The rest practically writes itself: The gun went off, and the bullet pierced the 27-year-old Seto’s member and passed through his left thigh, according to police dispatch recordings obtained by the Arizona Republic (via the Daily News).

6) For visual evidence that none of this is bullshit, click here. (It’s more or less SFW, I promise.) “The one-minute clip sees a man, who appears to be from the U.S., expertly load a Glock then holster the handgun inside the front of his pants,” reported The Daily Mail back in June. “When he walks over to a shelf and bends down to pick something up, the gun suddenly fires with a shocking loud bang.” But when a woman rushes to his side and asks him where was shot, he claims he doesn’t know.

Come on dude, you just shot yourself in the dick, how could you not know?