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Kari’s Guide to Flirting (In Person for Dating)

December 13, 2017

I’m a natural at flirting or pretty much a flirty person and someone suggested to me I become a flirting coach, I’ve only considered being a dating coach but however that prompted me to  write this guide to flirting.

First let’s define flirting at least what it means to me as it relates to dating:
It’s behaving as if though you are interested in, attracted to or trying to attract someone with or without serious intentions. 

Some people are awkward at flirting or pretty much don’t know how to do it. This may be because they don’t know ow to make the first move or believe in making the first move. These days people are more and more only comfortable online.

First please let us understand that no everyone flirts to start a relationship, dating, or for sexual relations. But however don’t worry about the persons intentions right away just have fun during the social interaction.

Kari’s Guide to Flirting (In Person for Dating)

  1. Make Eye Contact.
    1. If you’re across the room or at the other end of a bar, don’t stare them down, be subtle. It’s okay to raise your eyebrows, wink, do an innocent 360 circle with your eyes, but sparingly.
    2. If you are already talking, eye contact is key, during meaningful and important parts of the conversation.
  2. Smile. 
    1. If you’re across the room the “flooding smile” is ideal. Don’t make eye contact and start grinning right away. Make eye contact then slowly start smiling so this person feels and knows the smile is for them. (If you’re a natural flirt you probably already do this without knowing)
    2. Also smile during conversations but subtly and increase it depending on what is being said.
  3. Talk to the Person, we’ve made eye contact, smiled and haven’t spoken to the person. Here are the next steps:
    1. Put away your phone. You can even do this if you’re walking over to the person or they are walking over to you, let them see you put away your phone so they know they’ll have your full attention. We tend to keep our phone in our hands and unknowingly glance at it during conversations. This can be a turn off.
    2. Introduce yourself, avoid stupid pick up lines. Say your name, tell a joke (One anyone would appreciate you may be offensive, remember you don’t know this person)
    3. Start a conversation, Using the joke mentioned above helps to do this, If you’re in a loud place suggest moving someplace more quiet to talk. You can separate yourself from your friends to show your intentions. (If they say something like “Your friend can come too” That may mean a lot or a little. It could mean they also have a friend, your friend can talk to or they don’t feel comfortable being isolated with you. BUT AGAIN don’t pay to much attention to it right away, just have fun with the interaction)
    4. Keep the conversation light. Don’t bring up Donald Trump (Unless you’re at a resist rally or something), Immigration, bringing up sports is iffy too. Talk about pets, TV shows, favorite foods and travel destinations. Be sure to compliment the person other person in the early stage of the conversation, but pay attention to what you are complimenting, eyes and smiles are the safest features.
    5. Listen! That’s it, listen to the person and pay attention to what they are saying and not saying. This is key in order for you to know their intentions, and also assist in closing the deal.
    6. Pay Attention to your body language and use it to show your intentions. Also pay attention to the other persons body language
      1. Pay attention to how far away you are from the person.
      2. Feel free to touch them (Appropriately, I feel like that goes without saying) and watch how they react.
      3. If you’re with a friend(s), perhaps turn your body away from your friend towards the person so they can tell you’re interested. (Also if they are too with friends pay attention to what they do)
    7. Conversation Length. Whether to keep the conversation length long or short is up to your time limit, your location and if you’re with other people and other factors. Keeping it short is great so you can avoid awkward silences and move forward to closing the deal and getting to the first date.
  4. Land your first date! If this person is still talking to you and haven’t tried or hinted that they would rather be anywhere else but talking to you, I suggest going for it and asking them on a date.
    1. Make it open ended ask something like “What are your plans next weekend?” You may have learned crucial information about something they like, like movie choices, music and so on. Say something like “I may be going to watch XYZ do you think you’d like to join me?” or if you found out what food they like say something like “I know this amazing Mexican restaurant would you be interested in going?” (And who cares if you actually know a Mexican restaurant? Google it, ask friends.)
    2. It’s now safe to pull out your phone. And ask something like “What’s the best way to stay in touch with you?” You can just ask for a phone number but it’s December 2017, some people are easier to reach via social media and not necessarily text or calls.

Let’s say at Item 3.3, you’re at a club and moving to a quiet place within the location isn’t possible. There are a few ways this can play out.

  1. You can go straight ahead and try to close the deal and ask how you can stay in touch with them.
  2. You can be bold and turn this into an instant date by perhaps suggest meeting up somewhere after or even leaving to go somewhere else right away. Not your house though (but you can try), ask if he/she is hungry, and would like to go to a nearby restaurant, if the person isn’t having much fun suggest visiting a different place. (I also feel that you can try to turn flirting situations into instant dates depending on how the conversation is going, but this takes knowledge of social cues, reading body language and situational awareness.)

Flirting takes practice then it will become natural. Once your are comfortable with yourself it gets even easier.

If you want me to write tips or a guide to any specific topics covered by my blog, have any questions or comments feel free to email or comment below.



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