Ashamed of My Attraction: Part One

Ashamed of My Attraction: Part One

Another night on the tour bus led to another sleepless night for Ed Robertson. Buses weren't his thing. But tonight, instead of playing euchre with his bandmates, he decided to actually try to sleep for once. This, of course, only led to staring at the ceiling, wishing for the morning to come. He tried relaxing and clearing his mind, preparing himself for sleep.

But then he heard it. A slight squeak of a bunk. He couldn't tell who's bunk it was coming from, but he heard it. 

Maybe someone else is awake...
 he thought to himself. But before he could do anything, he heard a small moan. A sexual moan. 

Now fully awake, Ed concentrated on the sound. He began to hear rapid panting, followed by more subtle squeaking. He knew these sounds all too well. 
Someone's whacking off! Ed figured. As Ed concentrated harder, he too felt, well, harder. Why is this turning me on?! thought Ed. I don't even know who's doing it! Ed, of course, was bi, but no one knew about it. Not even his wife. And now the thought of someone doot-baping near him was getting him hot and bothered?

The moaning became louder, yet still quiet, and Ed couldn't take it anymore. He released his cock from the confinement of his boxers and started stroking fast. Ed could only imagine the pleasure the unknown-whacker was having. Whispers of "Yes" and "Come on" told Ed that the whacker was close to finishing, which caused Ed to be close as well. The squeaking slowly stopped, and then was followed by a small sigh. But Ed was not done. He continued faster until he too whispered words of encouragement to himself. And then he finished, his hands covered in cum. 

And then came the awkward part. 

Ed climbed off his bunk and made his way to the front, trying hard to silently and quickly grab kleenex to clean himself without being noticed. Whoever had finished before him hadn't come out for tissues yet; the box was unopened. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming near, and Ed ran for cover. Thinking fast, he jumped underneath the table the kleenex box was sitting on. 
This must be the guy, Ed thought. The suspected whacker hastily swipped a few tissues and shuffled back to his bunk. Ed carefully peeked under the table, curious as to who had gotten him horny.

He was completely stunned to find an embarrassed Kevin Hearn leap back into bed. 
Deciding he would tell no one, Ed quickly and quietly ran back to his bunk, and continued his sleepless night. 

That night on stage, Ed could not stop thinking about the keyboardist. As they went through the setlist, the band members could tell Ed was not focused. Thoughts of Kevin whacking haunted his mind, dirtied his head and made him horny beyond belief. Never in his life had he thought about Kevin that way before, but now, it was the only thing he was thinking about!

"Ed, you seemed distracted tonight," Steve noted as the band members gathered backstage. The show was over, and now it was time to meet the fans around the tour bus. 

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Kevin asked, concerned. Ed blushed profusely.

"N-nothing. Just got a lot on my mind, I guess." Ed stared at the ground, too embarrassed to look Kev in the eye. 

Confused, Kevin looked toward Steve, but the singer only shrugged. 

The band signed the usual autographs and took their usual photos before getting on the bus to the next location. That night, Finn told the band to sleep early, for they had a truckload of interviews to give early in the morning the next day, groaning, the band took their usual bunks and tried to sleep. As Ed closed his eyes, he tried to picture all the times he had seen Kevin naked...

"Agh! What am I doing?!" he shouted, startling the rest of the bus. 

"I mean, uh, I'm going to go get a drink," Ed explained, getting out of his bunk. 
As he took a sip of water, Ed relaxed a bit, and let his head fall onto the table. 

He just had to fill his mind with other things. Maybe his wife. And his kids. He could think about them and how much he loved them. He could think about his home and visiting his cottage later that year. He could even think about all the songs he could write! Maybe he would even think about-

"Hey, Ed," Kevin sighed. 
Startled, Ed quickly straightened himself up. He leaned forward on the table and took a quick sip from a water bottle before replying with, "Hey."

"I can't sleep," Kev said sadly. 

"Yeah, neither can I," Ed laughed. 

"Hey, maybe we can help each other out, then!" 
Ed gulped, trying to stop his mind from thinking dirty thoughts. "W-What did you have in mind, Kev?" 

"Well, you see, I can't sleep because I have this problem..."


Kev stared Ed straight in the eye, "I want to fuck you." 
Ed's heart leaped from his chest, his cock rose just from the idea. 

"Kevin, I want that more than anything," Ed admitted. 
And they started to make out right there on the table. And as they were about to go farther-

"Ed?" Steve asked. 
Startled, Ed quickly straightened himself up. He leaned forward on the table and looked around. Sunlight poured in through the bus windows. 

"Did you fall asleep out here last night?" Steve asked. 

"I guess I did," Ed laughed. 
Does that mean that thing with Kevin was just a dream?! God dammit!

"Finn's gonna be here soon, so you might as well get dressed," advised Steve.
Ed nodded. 

"By the way... impressive morning wood, there, Ed," Steve smiled and laughed to himself. 
Ed looked down. He was definitely at full-attention. 

"I gotta talk to someone about this," Ed decided. 

During interviews, Ed accidently kept making sexual remarks toward Kevin. The band laughed it off, but it started to shake up poor Kevin. He wasn't sure what to make of it. 
This tension was apparent while playing the radio shows as well. Both Kevin and Ed seemed nervous and shy. Well, Kevin moreso than usual. The band didn't understand what was going on. 

Jimmy C knew it was important to keep the ties throughout the band strong and healthy, otherwise the music would suffer. So he was the first to confront Ed. 

"Alright Eddy, what's up?" Jim asked in the dressing room. They were going to play in 2 hours, now it was just the waiting game. Steve was curled up on the couch reading a book, Tyler was jamming to some music, and Kevin was picking out food to eat. No one was listening, but Ed still didn't feel ready to talk.

"Nothing's up, why would you think something's up?" Ed  challenged. 

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not." Jim stared at him, his glare pierced through Ed's soul. 

"... It's complicated," Ed finally choked. 

"Explain it then," Jim ordered patiently. 

"I... can't stop thinking about someone... and I don't know what to do," Ed cleverly answered. Stroking his chin, Jim offered his advice.

"You should talk to them right away. Tell them how you feel and whatnot." 

Ed smiled, "I get it. Thanks for helping, Jim." 

"No problem, Ed."  That night on stage, the tension eased, Ed was no longer embarrassed by his feelings for Kev, but empowered by them. Ed's feelings gave him a whole new energy which helped the band perform even better! The rest of the guys tried hard to match Ed's energy, but in the end, Ed soared above them all. And they were proud of him. Especially Jim.

As they all stepped onto the bus, Ed formulated his plan to tell Kevin how he felt. But then, Finn stepped in. 
"Everyone, we're going to be stopping at a hotel tonight!" 

"Yay!" eveyone yelled, minus Ed. 

"Room assignments are Steve and Jim, Tyler and me, and Ed and Kev."
How does Finn always seem to know?! Ed wondered. But he didn't question it. This was fate. He had to tell Kevin how he felt tonight. 

As soon as they got to the room, Ed froze. He had no idea how to tell Kevin! Where would he start? "I heard you masturbating and then I fell in love."? Maybe Ed had liked Kevin the whole time and only realized it now. But how would he even start to explain himself... Kevin didn't know he was bi. Did he? Was Kevin bi? What if they couldn't even like each other? What if-

"Ed?" Kevin asked. 

"Yeah?" Ed answered, falling onto the bed. 

"Um, I'm a little embarrassed to ask this, but..." 
Ed perked up. Was Kevin about to confess his feelings too?

"We haven't been in a hotel in awhile and, well..." Kevin trailed off. 
Ah, Kevin just wants  something. False alarm. 

"What, Kev? You gotta get to the point." 

"Well, you get... you know... certain channels in hotels and we don't get TV on the bus, so, I was thinking I could... take advantage of the opportunity... you know?" Ed wasn't following.

"Kev, if you want to watch TV, you can, it doesn't bother me." 

Kevin sighed, "No, Ed, it's that I... have to... watch certain channels, and then... do something..." Ed nodded, pretending like he understood, but Kevin knew he didn't get it. 

"Ed, I have to... you know... whack it." Embassed, Ed sat up. "Oh, well, Kevin, yeah, you can, you know, do that, I mean, if you want." 

"You don't mind?" Kevin asked, astonished. 

"No, come on, Kev. We're both guys here. I understand perfectly. In fact, I mean, if you don't mind, I could, you know, I'll join you," Ed suggested. 

"Oh, Ed, do you need to, you know, too?" Kev asked, trying hard to stay as calm as Ed appeared. 

"Yeah, yeah, and it'd be, you know, better if we could, maybe, kill two birds with one stone, right?" 

Kevin nodded, "Yeah, why spend more money?" 

Ed laughed. "Exactly."

Fumbling with the remote, Kevin turned to the Adult Entertainment channel. He sat on the edge of his bed, flipping through different movies. Excited and nervous, Ed was happy just to have gotten this far! But he wasn't about to back down now. Ed carefully sat down next to Kev, but the movement made Kevin jump. 
"I-I'm sorry Kev, I didn't mean to scare you, it's just, I mean, is it cool if I sit next to you? I can't, you know, it's easier to see the screen this way." 

"Yeah, I get it, it's cool, Ed. No worries." 

As the porno started, Ed locked the door, keeping bandmates and tour managers away. He knew Kevin was too shy to strip first, so Ed took off his shirt and sat down next to Kevin wearing only his boxers. 

"Geez, Ed, you don't waste time," he laughed. 
But soon he was undressed too. 

While watching the movie, both men felt too uncomfortable to start anything, let alone even get hard. Ed, being the braver of the two of them, decided quickly that he had to do something, otherwise his one chance to actually see Kevin masturbate would be gone. 

So Ed started stroking, slowly at first, just to get hard, then he noticed Kevin's dick rising from his boxers. Did I cause that? Excitedly, Ed continued, pretending to focus on the orgasmic sounds coming from the TV, while Kevin tried to get a firm hold on his own penis. As an intense sex scene approached, Ed started rubbing himself harder and faster, causing himself to groan in pleasure. He could hear Kevin beside him also groaning, but not at the sight of the TV. Kevin was slyly looking at Ed's package while touching himself. Amused by this, Ed started stroking himself slower, running his hand along the length of his manhood. With his other hand, he caressed and squeezed his balls, heightning his pleasure. Realizing he was being teased, Kevin mimicked Ed's moves, also showing off his larger-than-expected package. 

Now completely focused on Kevin, Ed rubbed himself faster. He watched as his keyboardist did the same. He moaned in pleasure as he watched Kevin's piano fingers slide furiously over his stiff dick. And before he realized, Kevin came. His thin fingers were now wet and sticky, and his deed was now finished. Yet, when Kevin looked over, Ed was still stroking. Kevin smiled deviously, noticing Ed's eyes were glued to Kev's creamy fingers. Kevin took his index finger and lodged it deep into his mouth, sucking his juices off aggressively. Ed moaned at this sight, he could feel his body clench, but he didn't want to finish. Not yet. He continued stroking as Kevin ran his tongue over the rest of his hand, fiercely licking off his cum. That sent Ed right over the edge and he came fast, covering the carpet in his semen. 

The two men looked at each other, barely believing what had happened. The porno still played in front of them, but neither of them were focused on that at the moment.
"Golly, Ed," Kevin giggled. "I never thought we'd do something like that." 

"Kev, I gotta be honest," started Ed. Do I have the guts to confess to him now? He gulped. "I... I've never cum so powerfully before. That was amazing." 

Kevin smiled. "Yeah, me either." 

"It was just, the sight of you, and, wow," Ed tried to explain. "I've never been more turned on in my life." 

Kevin smiled sheepishly, then asked,"Ed, you're bi right?" 

"I guess I am, huh?" They grinned at each other. 

"Good," Kevin stated. 


"Because, Ed, I-I find you incredibly attractive," Kevin admitted.

Ed smiled. This was going better than he had planned. 

"I'm just... I'm sorry I finished so fast. I hadn't done that in awhile, so, you know..."

"Yeah me too," Ed grinned. 

Then he did a double take. 

"Wait, what?" 

Embarrased, Kevin looked down at the bedspread, "Well, I don't like whacking on the bus, so I don't do it that often, unless we stop at a hotel or something. So it's been awhile... It's been one week, at least." 

Stunned, Ed didn't have a reply. If Kev wasn't the one who whacked on the bus... who was?
"Ed, are you okay?" Kevin asked. 

"Y-yeah, I guess that just took a lot out of me," he lied. "I'm just gonna hit the sack now, if that's alright." 

"Yeah, that's fine, I'm not gonna stop you," Kevin replied sadly. 
 Ed jumped into bed, pulling the covers over his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately wishing to fall asleep.