Wednesday, June 19, 2013

NBA Finals Game 6: What The Hell Just Happened?

Ray Allen cemented his legacy as one of the great big-time shooters in history.
By Jeremy Conlin

At 12:19 a.m. Wednesday, Dylan Murphy of ESPN's TrueHoop Network (Hardwood Paroxysm, HoopChalk), SB Nation (Poasting and Toasting), The Classical, and Knicks Now posted the following to Twitter: 

Dylan is somewhat of a friend of mine, insomuch as that we are each aware of the other's existence and we've have interacted on the internet and met in person once. I very much respect his opinion.

That being said, I'm going to try. I'm going to fail - miserably - but I'm going to try. What follows is my poor attempt at describing what it was like to experience Tuesday night's Game 6. And I say "experience," not "watch," because "watch" doesn't even remotely do it justice. It was a complete surrender of agency. Anyway, here goes:

Hey so Game Six is going to be exciting I can't wait to see what happens oh cool it's starting wow it looks like Chalmers is really on tonight he's making his jump shots and he's attacking off the dribble that should be good for Miami because they've lacked creativity in their offense at times in the series wait what Tim Duncan is five for five from the field it's only eight minutes into the game wow he really is I didn't expect that but a lot of people expected that before the game because Duncan really has a history of big performances in close-out games like in 2003 when he almost had a quadruple-double against the Nets man this is really weird Boris Diaw is playing really good defense against LeBron so far I'm not quite sure what to make of this because on one hand it's Boris Diaw and he's really slow but on the other hand he's really fat so it must be hard for LeBron to get his shoulders past him on drives to the basket but oh man Tim Duncan is really playing well Chris Bosh is having a lot of trouble guarding him one-on-one down low but I still don't think it's a good idea for Miami to double him because that's when their rotations have gotten sloppy and Danny Green ends up shooting wide-open threes yeah exactly like that one I can't believe how much LeBron is laboring to even get half-decent looks at the basket against Boris Diaw I'm not sure what the adjustment is there maybe they need more spacing on the floor I should start paying attention to Dwyane Wade is he the one that's screwing up their spacing I'll watch on the next few possessions OH MY GOD THE BLOOD THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD IT'S EVERYWHERE WADE IS MURDERING MIAMI'S OFFENSE SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP oh of course the Spurs go on an eleven zero run to end the first half this really doesn't look good for Miami if Boris Diaw is shutting down LeBron this might already be over.

(Halftime interlude)

Well it looks like Duncan picked up where he left off Miami really has no answer for him but Miami is still keeping it close woah hey Mike Miller just actually scored off the dribble that was really weird they closed out on him and he attacked and it looked like he was just waiting for someone to block his path but nobody ever did it was almost like he was surprised to have a layup man Dwyane Wade has really been terrible but so has Manu so I guess that evens out and wow Birdman is fouling anyone who moves right now the Heat are really reeling right now LeBron and Wade just got clobbered and there was no call and then the Spurs got two and-one's on questionable calls at the other end and all of a sudden it's a thirteen point game cue the parade on the Riverwalk the Spurs are going to win the title this kinda sucks not because I don't like the Spurs I actually love the Spurs but I don't think I can deal with all the idiots talking about how LeBron choked and everything is his fault as if they haven't seen Dwyane Wade almost single-handedly submarine the team over the last three weeks well LeBron got a call there and he made both free throws so it's only a ten point game going into the fourth quarter and wow these lineups are a good matchup for Miami to start the quarter this is the same group that went on the thirty-three to five run in Game Two that for whatever reason hasn't been seen since and hey waddya know Chalmers makes a three and LeBron gets a driving layup and HOLY COW MIKE MILLER MAKES A THREE WITH ONLY ONE SHOE ON how did that happen he was wide open because Gary Neal didn't think of guarding a dude who only has one shoe on but Mike Miller is a werewolf and the full moon is out tonight baby and WOW that LeBron-Chalmers low screen-and-roll finally worked that was a really nice pocket pass to LeBron for the dunk that's a good example of why Miami playing so well without Wade when Miller and Allen are on the floor the Spurs can't pinch from the corners and there's so much more space in the middle of the floor and wow the Heat are already back in this game LeBron just had another dunk and hey look his headband fell off man he looks weird without that headband jeez he is attacking so aggressively right now why haven't we seen this version of LeBron before now he's finally playing with some urgency and Miami's defense is scrambling all over the place and covering mistakes left and right wait a minute Miami has the LEAD did this seriously just happen how did this happen am I really seeing this NO SERIOUSLY HOW DID THIS HAPPEN HOW DOES MIAMI HAVE THE LEAD oh my God LeBron is so good it's beyond words no wait why is Wade coming back into the game this makes no sense they're playing perfectly without him they're going to lose all of the spacing that was working no what the hell why are they posting up Wade out of this timeout he's been awful and OH MY GOD THE BLOOD IS BACK IT'S EVERYWHERE is it a bad sign that LeBron has gone two of the last three possessions without touching the ball after dominating the entire quarter up until now and of course the Spurs score quickly this lineup really isn't working for Miami but they keep trotting it out there and OH MY GOD TONY PARKER JUST MADE A PULL-UP THREE WITH THE SHOT CLOCK WINDING DOWN TO TIE THE GAME now what are the Heat going to do here God I hope they don't go to Wade and of course Tony Parker comes up with a steal and scores well it's a four point game with a minute to play it definitely isn't looking good come on really LeBron how can you turn the ball over there you had an easy lane to the basket you could have blown by Parker there and now Miami has to foul and Ginobili makes both and ANOTHER turnover for LeBron because of course goddammit all the reactionaries are going to have a field day with this and completely lose sight of the whole part where Miami was dominating until Wade checked back now San Antonio is up four with twenty eight seconds left and they're shooting free throws that's roughly a ninety-nine-point-four percent win probability and it really doesn't even matter than Ginobili missed a free throw Miami needs two threes and look at that LeBron missed a three but wait they got the rebound and HEY LEBRON MADE THE SECOND ONE this just got interesting now they have to foul quickly and wait what Leonard missed a free throw man this could get more interesting but no of course LeBron misses the three but BOSH COMES UP WITH A HUGE REBOUND AND RAY ALLEN SOMEHOW NAILS A THREE IN THE CORNER AND HOLY MOTHER OF GUADELOUPE HOW DID THAT JUST HAPPEN I AM EXCITE ARE YOU SERIOUS THIS GAME IS GOING TO OVERTIME LOLWTFIDONTEVEN

(End of regulation interlude)

Well of course San Antonio scores first in overtime because poetic justice means that the Spurs somehow come back and win this game after that collapse but no Miami is hanging in even though Dwyane Wade is playing like the worst player ever somehow his plus minus is minus twenty in a game that was tied at the end of regulation that's pretty bad well at least he got the ball to LeBron there for the go-ahead basket and wow that was an amazing defensive possession all around for Miami to force a twenty four second violation ugh and now we're back to empty possessions and timeouts and of course Manu turns it over and of course LeBron turns it over right back and WOW CHRIS BOSH with a huge block on Parker there Miami really needs to get a good look here AND OF COURSE WADE TAKES A DUMB STEP BACK TWENTY FOOTER and wow San Antonio isn't going to call timeout here this is surprising okay maybe someone should stop Manu here wow that was a really weird play there was a lot of contact but they didn't call a foul but it probably didn't matter because even if he was fouled three times he took six steps and Ray Allen calmly knocks down two free throws but the Spurs still have one last chance to tie it but why are they putting Tiago Splitter in the game when they need to shoot a three oh he's going to set a flare screen for Danny Green that's actually a pretty good play design and a pretty good pass from Duncan and Green has a look from the corner but WOAH BOSH BLOCKS THE SHOT and I guess the Spurs are upset they maybe have a right to be there was some contact with the body it was a clean block up top but he kinda bumped him and then fell over him on the hip but I guess that's just how it goes at the end of the game OH MY GOD THE HEAT REALLY JUST WON THAT GAME DIDN'T THEY AND OH MY GOD THERE'S A GAME SEVEN AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE HAVE TO DO THIS ALL AGAIN ON THURSDAY I DON'T EVEN


That was the three hours of Game Six in a nutshell. And there's a bunch of other stuff that I didn't even cover (like Danny Green's ridiculous transition strip of LeBron or Miami's mesmerizing start-to-finish defense on Tony Parker).

The end of the game was like whiplash. It was like the end of a marathon. Physically exhausted but simultaneously so amped up on adrenaline that there's nothing to do but just ride the wave.

I have watched a lot of basketball in my life. Either live or through various charitable donations from the internet, I've watched the majority of NBA Conference Finals and Finals game since 1984, every single one since 1996, and every playoff game since 2005 (and, of course, countless regular season games). You can safely say that I have a problem. In all of the games that I've watched, nothing matches the experience of experiencing this game. It almost broke The Internet. At no point during the fourth quarter was I able to coherently follow my Twitter feed. It was moving too fast. All people are guilty of recency bias at some point or another, so me saying that this was the best NBA game I've ever watched might not hold much weight. But it was. I really mean it. I think.

Game 7 is tomorrow. Be prepared.

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