

By Natasha Tracy

Manic or hypomanic episodes can be brutal for those with bipolar disorder, but learning what to do immediately after can help minimize the damage


Hi, I’m Natasha Tracy and this is BP Magazine’s BPHope vlog. Today I want to talk about what happens after an episode of mania or hypomania.

If you’re like me and you have bipolar disorder, then you will have experienced at least one manic or hypomanic episode. And what’s pretty clear for those of us who have had these, is that those types of episodes can really wreck havoc on your life. And with a manic or hypomanic episode, what is typical is a huge increase in energy, often social energy. So people in that state will often want to be with their friends and want to go out.

Some may experience hypersexuality where they wish to engage in sexual activities with others that they wouldn’t normally do.

These are the things that are so common for us and the things that we can often regret once we come out the other side of a mania or hypomania.

I think what’s really critical, then, first of all, is not to blame yourself for your mania or hypomania. I know that when I look back on an episode, sometimes I realize I could have handled things better—and that’s okay. That’s a recognition that I’m imperfect and the choices that I make are imperfect. That’s the world in which we live.

However, that’s not the same thing as self-blame. I don’t blame myself for not being perfect.

And while some of us would have made different choices during an episode if we were thinking more clearly, that episode made it impossible for us to think clearly. It’s important to recognize that and give yourself a break.

That being said, it’s also important to take personal responsibility of what happened during that episode. For example, if you do have a major flourish of social activity and you do a bunch of things you wouldn’t normally do—maybe you get drunk, maybe you have sex, you do other pleasure-seeking activities—it’s really important to admit that you did those things and then deal with the consequences.

Because even though I don’t think we should blame ourselves for bipolar disorder or bipolar episodes, I do think it’s important we take responsibility for our actions because we can do better next time.

As long as we look back on our previous episode and say:

  1. This is how I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen again and
  2.  If that type of episode does happen to me again, then this is how I’m going to change the outcome.

As long as we can look back and say that, then I think we’re moving forward in a really positive way, and that’s what’s important after a manic or hypomanic episode.

I’m Natasha Tracy and this is BP Magazine’s BPHope vlog.

Learn more:
What to Do After a Depressive Episode
Bipolar Treatment: The Mistake To Avoid When Something Goes Wrong

About the author
Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker and consultant. She has written the acclaimed book, Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression and Bipolar and continues to write her own work on Bipolar Burble and elsewhere. She was also the proud recipient of the Beatrice Stern Media Award from Didi Hirsch in 2014. She works to bring quality, insightful and trusted information on bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses to the public. Natasha is considered a subject matter expert in bipolar disorder and her thoughts on it have been sought by the media and academics. Find Natasha’s book Lost Marbles on Amazon (via this link: http://amzn.to/2FsJ3aV) and find her work on Bipolar Burble (https://natashatracy.com/topic/bipolar-blog/), on Twitter (https://twitter.com/natasha_tracy), on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/BipolarBurble/), and on Google+ (https://plus.google.com/u/2/+NatashaTracy).
  1. I just found out that Ihave been exploited by a man that I now believe to suffer bipolar depression and hypersexuality. I have realized that over the course of our entire relationship he actively lied to me directly or through omission, intentionally misled me, abused my trust and emotions all while acting ( good actor!) like he cared a great deal about me, that I was his very good friend and that we had a special and close connection to one another. It felt very special to me and he always made it feel mutual. The lies he told me and allowed me to believe to keep up the facade are astonishing and deeply troubling.

    When I realized he might be suffering bipolar, I initially tried to inform myself on the disorder. No judgement, I wanted to be a support and good friend to him and that was when I stumbled on the hypersexuality piece of bipolar disorder—and it all fit together. I was devastated . he had been treating me as a symptom (carefully-and compartmentalizng me) but at the same time enjoying when we’d see each other -inflating his ego for his own gratification, the flirting, sexual conversations, and deep emotional bond- exploiting the connection he knew I so strongly felt so he could satiate his needs and gratification and feeling “adored”. This went on for almost a year and we saw each other regularly. It has been absolutely devasting to understand that I was just a symptom to this man that I so deeply cared about. Devastating.

    I wonder- do any of you even think about the people you hurt? The ones you deceive for your own gratification- even if due to your disease. I feel like I have been emotionally raped and yet, I only read about how you can all feel better about yourselves after an “episode”. I will tell you- I am a not a “symptom”, nor am I an “episode”, I am a loving, understanding and supportive person that has been emotionally abused by someone I trusted.

    So I would say to all of you- What about amends to those people whose trust you have exploited and manipulated during one of your “episodes”. The damage is profound. Yes. I understand- you know this and feel deep shame and regret but— Take yes, responsibility for it and apologize to the people you hurt. Make amends. Tell them what happened. The people you hurt deserve to know- and to understand. Yes, you -as a sufferer of bipolar -need help and support and should get it, but at the same time, this idea that has permeated Every, Single. Post. I have read is that you can hurt people so profoundly and then make the decision to protect yourselves and not divulge your diagnosis? No, I disagree. You lost that right when you crossed the line and abused someone else. It’s the ethical equivalent of a drunk driver killing someone and saying “ well, I was drunk. I’m an alcoholic. I’m so ashamed and regretful” should the be absolved. No. And neither should you. You need to take responsibility. You owe it to the person/ people you injure.

    1. Oh I forgot this great little anecdote on the manic explosion: You mention his need to be adored. She too was adored and I could tell part of her at least loved it. Yet when she tore me apart she said “The biggest turn-off about you is your adoration”. So she didn’t just take the future she took the past. Since now I have to remember ever moment I kissed her fingers or whispered to her how much I liked her or how special she was or brushed her hair away from her face and told her I’d always be there for her was not a special moment for her but was a turn-off at that very moment. So some of the more special moments in my life turn out to not be. How can someone take THAT from you? Lkewise we had a very (to me) special evening at a place we both frequent, with her taking my face in her hands and kissing my face all over with soft kisses, my kissing he hands, us rocking in each other’s arms for minutes at a time. Beautiful memory right? Except when I mentioned it in a letter to her she was shocked I mentioned it and said that moment meant nothing to her. Nothing. How… terrifying.

    2. From your description, it sounds like you may have been dealing with someone that has narcissistic tendencies…

    3. Andrea also in pharmacy school, I did not know that the professor was married, he did not wear a ring and lead me, a student on! Anyone in a position of power should not sexually harass or lie to people that they are in love with them, so all kinds of things are going on in the world, not just bi polar.

      I have also had decent men come to me that there are women who are not bipolar who come to them and tell them that all they want is sexual gratification and no emotional involvement, these may be few but there are also women like that and I have no idea how they can do it!

      You are like the majority of women and should have been respected! Dear you are the victim and not the
      perpetrator and the least you deserve is a sincere apology!!!!

      Merry Christmas and happy holidays and Good health and happiness!

    4. Dear Andrea, I feel the man should have disclosed to you on the 2nd date that he suffered from bi polar disorder!
      He should have also disclosed to you what are the symptoms etc! It is like any major illness ,I feel once should disclose like they have heart disease, had cancer or whatever they have!

      Andrea all people who have bi polar are not like the bad who used you and certainly as a woman I empathize with you cause we women are about love and emotional connection unlike some men who are all about sex!

      I know you have had a bad experience and for closure for yourself I feel you should confront this man for his behavior! That being said you cannot blame all bipolar people, many are very responsible and dont take advantage of people , instead they may be taken advantage of!!

      Also remember there are men out there with no bi polar and their intention is to lead you and act they love you and take you to bed!! Women are no longer putting up with that behavior , that is why we have the ” me to” movement! Many men in powerful positions have abused their power and used women sexually! These people do not have bi polar, they are even married and cheat and abuse their power, so you could have been used in such a scenario! Let us not get angry at all the bi polar people!

      What would I do if I were you, for closure: I would confront the guy and tell him exactly how he made you feel and he owes you a sincere apology!!!
      I was an honor pharmacy student and was taken advantage of my a married professor! Now many years later I feel that should never have happened, he was in a powerful position and I was a student! Also I was getting an A in his class and did not need any favours! What I am trying to tell there are many scenarious where men take of women and it hurts.

      Also we have to remember there are also very decent men on this earth who treat women with respect and dont leas women and are very honest about everything so we cannot bundle all men either!

      Dear I feel it is important for your mental health to confront this man , get an apology and closure!

  2. So after the hypomanic episode, is it a good idea to go back and apologize to those I affected and explain that I have bipolar II and was experiencing a hypomanic episode?

    1. I wouldn’t say you should identify the behavior as stemming from bipolar disorder or a manic episode. The other person doesn’t need to know that; just an apology when you’ve become aware of the behavior is enough. Identifying the cause could be translated as making excuses for yourself. Besides, if you don’t know the person well, or know there will be gossip or your continued employment might be affected you would be putting yourself in danger. Try not to expose yourself to unnecessary stress.

      1. I get your point murf but I can tell you wit the ‘rage’ incident I experienced ‘just an apology’ would not suffice. Without a valid and actual reason I’d tell the person where to stick the apology. Even w the Bipolar explanation and even now knowing about the bipolar mania rage I’d still likely only forgive but neither forget not continue/resume friendship.

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