Jan. 17th, 2013 10:53 pm
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Sooo... apparently this is a thing.

I'm really unsure as to what the purpose of this was... but it looks kinda awesome. A total experiment in terms of film making; scope of story, effects, execution; it's like someone watched Team America and said to themselves, "You know, that's not a bad idea. Let's do that, only not as a joke."

This is really a film that you have to just say "...okay" to in order to get through, because the whole "strings to heaven" thing is just kinda odd when you get down to it. I'm curious as to how exactly they function with ceilings or, as the trailer shows, tangling, but it's an added something that makes you want to see it.

If you have the time, it's broken up on Youtube.
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Have you watched Leverage? You should. Or should have; it was cancelled (or at least officially ended) on Christmas Day (those bastards). So closed five seasons of one of the best con/heist shows on tv. Basically Robin Hooding as done by a smaller cast of Ocean's Eleven.

Tv shows come and go all the time, and they at least operated under the assumed fact that they would never get another season at almost every finale (this was altered if they knew before writing the last script of the season that they were continued).

This pisses me off, not just because it was my favorite show currently airing, but because it kinda killed a little of my want to go back to Portland. Not that I don't want to still, but Leverage being filmed there was a big push. Because, like a lot of writers, I too wished to sell a script for my favorite project.

Egotistical yes, but one I still kinda fume over. I had good ideas damn it, why didn't it wait for me?! Okay, that was much, but still.

So, being as they'd go to waste anyway, here were my ideas:

1) The P.O.V. Job
"The -blank- Job" was a title tik of the show. Bascially in every show, it was a five-act breakdown; intro and info on the con, beginning grift, hook and push of the mark, things go wrong, and the wrap up. Basic, but it was it was done that kept it from being boring.

My "great" idea, at least for this episode pitch, was screw all that to hell. While the fun of the show was seeing how these thieves con deserving people out of money/objects/companies they don't deserve, making it very much about the journey than the destination, I wanted to see things from the view of the person they were scamming. Hence the POV; the show, at least until the fifth act, would follow closely things from the mark's point of view. The five main cast would appear only in-character as whoever they were pretending to be.

High concept for a show that had a fairly well grooved formula, but something they may have needed; shake things up to keep the audience invested. Several things would need to be handled, by those fair more talented for the medium than I; making a con that put all five MCs to use, seeing as two were very much behind the scenes kinda of skill sets, and making sure they were used to a full extent. But that's what I kinda wanted, see these people as they make themselves; for a whole episode they appear only as these people they aren't, talking and acting as helpful, and then suddenly you're arrested and looking across the street at who you thought were on your side, only to see them silently gloating at your doom.

The basic con would have been a corrupt mega-church pastor, using the faith of his flock to scam them out of their savings/morgages/anything they could liquidate. Neil Patrick Harris was my first choice as the mark, that fun mix of smarmy, cartoony, and still threatening when serious. Zooey Deschaniel if the character needed to be female, or as a possible sister.

2) The Big Five-Part Finale: The Hitter Job, The Grifter Job, The Hacker Job, The Thief Job, The Mastermind Job
I wasn't stupid enough to believe the show would go forever. It had a finite shelf life before it would have to end; I just didn't think it was only five season. Now I'm sad again.

Anywho; my plan was to make sure, should the man from the mountain finally say it was, that the show ended as big as it could. Final. Epic. Grandious. And by that, give each character an episode to shine to the best of their abilities. Go by the show's tag line ("hitter, grifter, hacker, thief", the breakdown of the jobs of four of the cast; "mastermind" or "brains" was never part of the catchy quip), and work until it ended at "mastermind" the big conclusion that brought them all together, as they did in the pilot.

How? The hell if I knew, I'm big picture here, not details. It wasn't like I was counting on throwing out this idea to get me hired, I was gonna work "POV" up there for that. This was gonna be my addition to a writer's room pitch, work the seed for later when the inevidible happened. It Leverage was going to end, by god I was gonna have it go out as loud as it could!

...and then it ended. I knew a few days before the finale - I can actually say I know a guy and not have it be stretch - but luckily the press release had already gone out so he shouldn't be in any trouble. Also, thinking about it, they'd have known before that, so I was actually late to the game. Huh.

"The Long Goodbye Job" was the final episode, concluding both the season arc of secret-hush hush teasing and the five season "will they/won't they" romance of two of the main characters. I take that back; they very much "will", it was just taken to the next step. And there was the final seconds punt, throwing out a hail-mary pass to get a spin-off series; I'm told it didn't take. Sad.


Aug. 25th, 2012 03:47 pm
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At some point, when I post, it's going to be more than just me saying that "I'm back." Because really, the stutter steps between these things are just embarrassing.

So I come bearing gifts this time.

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Have you heard the word? The word is actually, the bird.

Baring said bird, the big thing to talk about, praising, poorly or otherwise, in the lit world is the BDSM erotica-fanfiction-cum-bestseller thing called 50 Shades of Grey.

From all that I've gathered, it gets prodominately the stay-at-home momthers hot under the apron, who seem to be the only ones anyone will say this book is for, while being essentially a Twilight knockoff (and a slightly proud one, at that) only with less sparkle and more spanking. Woo.

What everyone (everyone) agrees with, however, is the book, as written is utter bile. Not the subject matter isn't poorly researched or well introduced - rest assured, as little research went into this as possible - but while most racey subject matter is bound to be banned from some library somewhere, it says a lot when they say their reasons rest less with the bondage and sex than it does with how utterly horrible the writer is at what they should be good at.

None of this is aimed at fanfiction. Fanfiction is what it is; a testing ground, a place where writers of large and small go to play with wordage and see what skill they possess. Some are good, numerous are bad, most are just an outlet of wishful thinking fingers. Too often the ones that make it big, such as this, should never have been given trees to kill, but again, not what this is aimed at.

My issue? My procrastination issues.

Because (at least I believe) I wrote, or at least had the idea for, something that while close in basic idea, was a lot fucking better written. This. This right here! This would have been so much better than the putrid whatever it was that came out!

*huff, sigh*

Okay, got that out. I'm well aware that many ideas germinate at the same time, and often it's coincidence that they come out the same time or close to the same manner. It's not the first time it's happened to me. But still, it's a kick in the ass to get going on things, because while I may not get as far on shock and spanking as 50 Shades, I can at least know I did the concept better.
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You know what life needs? More kick-ass villain songs.

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Wow, girls kinda got shafted didn't they?

...that sounded less dirty in my head, right before I actually said it.

Stoked Off

Apr. 27th, 2012 10:30 pm
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Read more... )

Something I never thought about, at least when I first started watching, was that they do their jobs... pretty badly. Number one of which is, somebody turn on a freaking light. How these people do any work at all, or aren't all wearing glasses is beyond me, because I swear these people are vampires. Okay, granted, they're the night shift, but when you're sweeping a scene for evidence, what protocol is there to not turn on a freaking lamp or ceiling light? Especially in the lab, where you're supposed to be doing important work; you need more than just a single light source focused on just the evidence in question. I shudder to think of how much they miss, or misfocus on, because their attention is attracted to the bright light. CSI Las Vegas are a lab of moths.


Read more... )
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I don't- What did I just- Who- WHY?!

Watch this. Ignore that stupid screen grab that does nothing to ease you into a total- just- Look just watch it. It's not bad (horribly... for the most part), it only alludes to it... still a tad NSFW though.

And then takes a left turn.

Off a cliff.

And explodes.

In mid air.
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After what seems like some time, I've finally bought some new books. My last buying spree, that what it was, was last year when Border's was hemraging books for sale, and while I haven't made it through all those yet, I figured it was time for some new blood, er, ink.

I got:

~The Serpent Sea~ by Martha Wells

~Ganymede~ by Cherie Priest

and gave into mass media hype and bought ~The Hunger Games Trilogy~ as to be ready for the new movie (should I go see it).

The first two I've wanted to get, have read the previous entries in both series (The Cloud Roads and Boneshaker/Dreadnough respectively) and was excited to see both on the shelves when I was in a purchasing mood. The Hunger Games... I'll be honest, I'm not sure how I feel. The movie looks to be interesting, one of the good things about massively popular books-turned-movie is that good attention is given to what is produced (which is why Eragon's movie sucked so much HEY-OO). But is it just me or does the world seem too... I dunno clean? I get dystopia's aren't wandering mobs and such, but, I guess I expected more, sorta, less shiny? Did that make sense?

And I don't care how much I may turn out to like the books and such, I still think Mockingjay sounds stupid said out loud.

However, one of the big motivators for new books was the current one I'm reading trying to read. The Horns of Ruin by Tim Akers. It's...

It wants.

I had hoped to save this for an actual book review later (of which I plan on doing for the aforementioned already read series mentioned above), but I'm seven days gone and only one chapter in, and I'm just about giving up. Trying to press though this thing gives me a logic headache, and I just can't give enough a crap to try to make it make sense.

When I say "it wants" what I mean is it "wants you to take it super-serious". It "wants you to be sucked in". It "wants you to be impressed by how super-noir it wants to seem instead of WRITING SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME DOUBLE BACK TO REREAD THE SAME GODDAMN SENTENCE TO MAKE SENSE OF THE LAST FIVE".

*takes a breath*

Sorry, it's just... within the first paragraph, you get how uber-into the noir-speech Akers is; or at least is trying to convey. Short clipped sentences. Darkly described imagery. Fucktons of Proper Nouns of Specialness.

This book does what I consider a literary crime, which is it doesn't make me ask anything important like "what happens next" or "why does that happen". Instead, it makes me put the book down and concentrate on toilet time. Toilet time is the most sacred of uninterrupted reading places, and I'd rather think about that rather than actually read.

First, it's asking a lot to of the reader to give a crap (sorry, no pun intended) to care about the Scion of Morgon. We have no history with this concept, or whoever Morgon is/was, so it's like asking African natives to give two tugs about Christ; there's no concept of who this person telling you about this other person is, so why should there be any caring? (The Jesus reference isn't far off, Morgon is some sort of dead-god thing that's talked about constantly but given little to grasp on to).

Second, it's really trying to give you it's all in regards to the steampunk genre. Really, really trying. There are descriptions of things that, while "totally cool", are just, when you think it though, are just kinda stupid. Like the sword sheath idea; it's not just a leather or metal sheath to house a sword (the sword itself, if anything like the cover, is off itself), it instead imagines a weired spider, claw, grasping-idea that, again, sounds cool but when you actually imagine it, comes across as too much Rule of Cool and not enough, "but why?" Remember the scene in Spider-Man 2 when Doc Ock's spinal arms attach to his spine? How the indiviual segments closed around or along the spinal column? It's that, to a sword, and every time you remove or resheath it. Seems a little overdone, don't it?

Like a lot of such books, it tries to claim the ever-ellusive, if even existing, title of "quentessential steampunk title". Which turns out to be exactly what people who don't like steampunk describe it as; all glit and form and little actual function. Aesthetic over purpose. And that in turn leads us into-

Third, and most major, it's narrative voice is way overdone. Think of the most stereotypical hardboiled detective narrator you can being even more stereotypical, and you got the voice Ruin. Short sentences. Aggitated voice, like the book is annoyed at having to tell you anything. This overimpending sense of darkness, where there really shouldn't be one yet.
And finally, bad editoral sense. A page or two after getting two characters walking and talking, suddenly there's a scene break and four thick paragraphs describing the city and a bit of the history. Just, the fuck outta nowhere, dropped on your head. And it has no, NO bearing on anything it follows or preceeds. That's what really got me, that single section right there. It breaks narrative flow for information that does us no good.

Worse, it contradicts itself, in the same chunk-blown paragraph. I had to reread the same part five times before I just tossed my hands up and moved on; it's all I could do, otherwise I'd still be there trying to figure it out. It was someone asking me to find the beginning of a Mobius strip made of frying bacon still in the pan behind my back. I can only take so much.

Add on some weird uses of the same word ("I do not think it means what you think it means), even more Proper Goddamn Nouns, and I swear a character with sentence-by-sentence mood whiplash, I just can't continue with this right now. I have The Serpent Sea, which is the sequel to a well imagined fantasical world (I can't really call it a "fantasy" world, it's too beastial for that) and the ever-talked about Hunger Games (weird how it doesn't feel wrong to not italize that, isn't it?) so I'm not lacking of words.

And I'm finally getting a writing flow back again, so let's see where this ship sails.

And finally;

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Anyone remember that YA thing I was working on, Butterfly Massacre? Anyone? No? Really?

Well, can't blame you, as I've been pretty mum about... well, most everything lately.

But as I think I've finally gotten most of my computer issues worked out - finally - I've been able to get back to poking at like one pokes a dead body with a stick. Namely, from a distance, ready to hightail it the moment it becomes the zombie you know its going to once it feels the prod of woodenness.

Angela, my fairly anti-Twilight anti-heroine, I've discovered, is very angry. As in, she doesn't just not suffer fools gladly, she'll go for the throat at the first acceptable instance - which, if she had her way, would normally involve a preemtive strike.

*total side note: Only Love on the Bombay Dreams musical is pretty haunting. Thank you, Pandora*

Okay, enough of that tangent. Angela; always ready to defenestrate someone. And you wouldn't want anything to happen to your fenestrates, would you? (bonus points to anyone who gets that reference).

Part of getting steady internet back is getting a mass of different blogs back, and small part of those were YA situated. The YA-female, like almost always, is constantly *ooooh, Van Canto's Pathfinder... sorry* being accused - usually with merit - of being weak willed, jelly-spined, and more than willing to move aside so the male-love interest can handle everything off screen during that important chapter where the female passes out somehow.

And in my head, amongst all the other voices, I see/hear Angela in similar situations; at school, one-on-one, whatever, and she is... wow, the girl has some *cough*hell*cough*fire in her.

Also something that's been a topic that I missed (or at least it seemed to be brought up a lot during the time I was going through stuff) was that of the Broken Bird. Trope it, I already lost a weekend to it and was not made better for it. Essentially, the BB is, nomially, a female who puts on the shade of a badass, but who trully is yearning for boy-parts to make her whole; be those parts simply his heart or more south is deteriminable by how quote-unquote shocking said work is trying to be.

But the main part is that BBs have a troubled past; something that, apropo, "broke" them. The thing they hide so later they can reveal it in a dramatic and soul-healing way to the love-interest to show how much they've bonded/trust him/how damaged she is so the dude can kiss it all better.

And this is important to me, because, if you tag-search past BM posts, Angela has a... *ahem* past. But what I want for her is to not have it define her; well, to the point that it already does. She doesn't share the story, but really, why should she? It's hers, and it's a hell of a story. Not only is it personal, it actually is the purpose to her hunt. And what I want to get across is that, this broke her long ago - but, she's already accepted and gotten over it.

She's been on Earth as a demon for, I gather, about 70-odd years. That's not counting the centuries spent in Hell, where she first got her bad news (no, going to Hell was not the bad part (you know, mostly)). So she's had, you might say, a bit of time to ponder and navel-gaze about her situation. So by the time my story commenses, she is well aware of the ramifications. She know's exactly why it happened. And she accepted it.

What she doesn't want, or even need, is someone to think that her anger, pride, and forthright want to knee people in the sack when they annoy her is that it's a show, a mask to hide insecurity or hurt. That simply by exposing herself, either literally or figuritively, in a moment of tension or weakness it can all be made better. It's simple; people annoy her. She's been alive - or at least, existed - long enough to just be exhausted with the multitude of stupid shit people do in the name of... whatever. And while she doesn't hate everyone or everything, she's bored with the act of not saying or acting upon how she feels.

Which is what drives the (BIG quotes here) "relationship" between her and Victor; she'd rather she be able to just kill him, take the penalty, and keep moving rather than deal with his douche-y act and presence. He brings nothing to her table than someone to protect, because he cannot handle what her world is about. And that pisses her off just a mite.

Which'll be good drama (I should be writing this downoh wait-) for them. But my writer voice, the one that only I hear, keeps whispering "broken bird syndrome" and I get the brain-hives thinking I'm following the trope by trying to not follow it.

But then I just tell myself, "Don't fucking write her stupid then". Also, "Get a Chipolte burrito", both being sound advice. And that's what it'll come down to; writing the story, and character, in a way that you can see why she's annoyed by most things around her, and having a full, steak-burrito filled stomach.

My fears for the character are only my own, and I have the ability to make sure she doesn't come off like so many others. To let her enjoy and relish her anger, her cynical bite, her wan-ton go-to impulse of "punch it first, ask it questions if it survives/finishes crying". And not make her unlikable. Because I'd hate to go so far to the other side of anti-Bella that I circle back on the problem.
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4) Prompt: a hostage situation

"I think negotiations have broken down,” I said, holding my forehead in my hands. Dealing with this woman was giving me a headache.

"The hell they have, I'm still willing to deal."

I glared at her, trying to not let her see my fists being balled under the table. "Your 'deal' is the same thing it's been since we started; you haven't budged at all!"

She shrugged, smiling condescendingly . "I said I'm willing to deal, not to change my demands. It's you who won't just give in."

“What you’re asking for is way beyond what I want! It’s too much!” I growled at her. Time was running out; checking the clock, there was only five minutes until it would be too late.

“Nothing’s too much to the person who wants what I have,” she said, her Cheshire grin getting bigger.

I considered my options; give in to what she wanted, be a damned fool, and at the same time be a hero. Refuse; walk into a living room of friends and family, tell them I failed, and have the parlor of death hang over our heads. Joy.


She sat up straighter, apparently not thinking I’d give in. “You sure? No going back on this?”

“Yes, yes, just give it to me.”

“Two weeks washing dishes, no using the machine? Foot rubs anytime I want for a month? Date night at a place that doesn’t include the words ‘steak’, ‘bar’, or ‘grill’? Those cute shoes I saw yesterday?”

“Yes, damn you, yes, I said yes, will you give me the damn remote already?!”

She sighed, a little disappointed her fun was over, and slid the TV remote across the table. God, she was cutting it close, kickoff was in two minutes. She got up and went to the fridge. “Remember, you spill it, you clean it, and tell John to keep his boots off the coffee table this time.”

“I hate you.”

She smiled sweetly and kissed my cheek. “I love you too honey.”

I grabbed the remote and stood up, mumbling something under my breath and walked into the living room. Fifteen pairs of eyes of looked at me expectedly. I held the remote up, triumphantly.

“Ladies and gentlemen;

we have football.”

The list )
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No, I didn't forget =.=;

[personal profile] limiinal should recognize this


3) Write a query letter for a fantasy

Dear Most Awesomeist Agent Who Can Get Me the Bestest of Deals,

The midwest is a mostly flat and corn-filled land, and thirteen year-old Dustin fears a future of boredom and corn on the family farm. His life to this point has been monotonous, nothing ever happening out of sync, and the beginning of summer doesn't show any promise of anything better to come.

So when the farm is attacked by raiding pirates, it came as quite the shock.

Before he knows it, he's suddenly part of the crew of the wandering Corn Husker, having to work his stoleaway/kidnapped self to make up for being another mouth to feed. Or be used as snake bait, whichever he chooses. So it's not his fault that now he has worries like locust storms, corn snakes as large as the ship itself, kite-hang-gliding laundry drying, rival patchwork crews of the Fall-nado or the Squashbuckler, deserted barnhouse islands, and the captain's obsession with the Golden Field and it's prize treasure, the Apple of My Eye.

He'll earn his keep, as well as passage back home... you know, eventually.

First he wants to see the violin-cricket concerts; and the highrise communties built onto and up the sides of giant wind turbines; not to mention the Golden Field, now that they finally have a heading.

Besides; laundry duty isn't that bad, and he almost has the hang of the kite flying part of it.

PIRATES OF THE CORNFIELD OCEANS is a Miyazaki-inspired illustration filled fantasy of roughly 20,000 words. Illustration work done by *insert name of awesome artist person*.

Thank you for your consideration.

The list )

And Then

Feb. 21st, 2012 08:22 pm
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So you know when you ask a little kid to tell you a story, and often it involves little more than just whatever they make up right then and there? That's the concept behind And Then.

Part story, part MST3K, part meta, AT would be a short children's book where anything can and will... make no sense. Ideally it would have lots of pictures, as part of the fun of the story would be seeing what's being told at the same time as things get changed due to story convience.

It would most likely start fairly simply, a young boy is asked to tell a story. So he starts simply, a boy on a farm. Who decides to become a hero. With his pet dog. Who is really a wolf. Who is really big enough to ride on. Because horses are for girls.

He decides to go slay a dragon. Because that's what heros do. And then the dragon comes to him!

A big green dragon?

It's not a green dragon. It's gold.

Why gold

Because. And they fight! And the dragon opens his mouth and-

Breathes fire.

No! A cannon appears! Because it's not a real dragon! It's a flying pirate ship that only looks like a dragon.

And so on and so forth. And yes, the idea would be that the "adult" being told said story interjects here and there just to question the train of logic of a five year old; the pictures, when not picturing the story, would be from our, the reader's, point of view, so we're looking down at our story teller from time to time.

Spoiler warning, if you really care enough, the ending would ideally be a non-ending. The whole things just builds and builds til it's a huge two-page or more spread of a epic battle of awesome until the kid just runs out of steam with,

"And then... and then... everything exploded.


BOOM!" with his hands up, laughing, running around and out the door. The last bit would have the kid leaning in from the door long enough to say "TheendI'mgonnaplayoutsidenow,okaybye."

Yeah. That's it. That's my latest story idea.


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Man I'm getting bad about this.


Things That Which Bug Me

  • Muthafuckers who don't use their goddamn turn signals.
  • The realization that if they did, I most likely would try to not let them in
  • Bruno Mars; he irks me. Music, voice, hair, everything.
  • Authors whose name is larger or more prominant on the cover than the title of their book
  • Reality shows about nothing.
  • Reality shows about "friends" who weren't until they were cast for the show (screw you Housewives of Famewhoredom)
  • Nicki Minaj; one, her ugly/gawdy attention grab of a wardrobe, when she is actually quite a strikingly beautiful woman, and two, you earn no points when you mangle a pronunciation of "me" to sound like "may" just to make it fit your nonsense sounding rap, when you can clearly say "me" just how it sounds
  • Politics; all talk, little doing. When something is actually done, more talk about how it wasn't done right.
  • Having too many ideas, not enough time, and too much procrastination
  • Ryan Seacrest; aside of being kinda smarmy and talking too much instead of getting to the fucking point of whatever it is he's doing, why exactly is he paid so damn much money?
  • Co-workers who clearly just want someone to listen to them complain, and do so long after I've stopped pretending to care.
  • Being expected to have my attitude match someone else's expectation when they do something I don't find funny, but then being slighted when I do try and suddenly it's not funny to them
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Seriously? Seriously? What the hell is going on, because I thought I got a new computer so this kinda shit would stop happening.

I got a virus - the oh-so fun "This is really your computer, and you have a virus, you should totally download this program you never had before to get rid of it, and oh, if you don't, I will never let you actually access the internet again, LOLthnxL8r" virus (also known as the Win7 virus), right before the New Year. Took it it, had it fixed, didn't take three days.

Not 2 half-assed days later, same fucking virus. And it's not like I was cruising any questionable sites or anything, this was just my daily jog; sites I visit regularly. Sites I don't get virus' from.

It took Best Buy over 3 goddamn weeks to finally "fix" it; I put up the parathesis, because I only got an email saying they were actually getting to it a week before I finally got it back.

SERIOUSLY? Why so long? The first time was almost nothing, and I've had to take my computer (old one) in before too and it has never taken this long. Was it because I actually bought the warrenty/repair program? I'm being fucking punished for brining my computer in? Is there a limit to how many times I can bring my shit in to get fixed before you actually do it right? Does the time frame expand expontentially the more often I bring it in? Will it take 2 months next time?!

And now, to top it off, I'm currently in a Barnes&Noble because for some odd ass reason, the neighbors wifi connection (which I have permission to use, mind you) either isn't on or my computer won't connect to. Which it never had problems with before my having taken it in. It can find other wireless networks (all of which are protected, paranoid neighbors), but not the one next door.

Fuck this month.

Screw 2011

Jan. 1st, 2012 06:30 pm
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Well... what a year.

I'm ready to forget it for the most part.

Not that it was "bad" so much as there was a lot of backtracking more than forward movement. I didn't hit bottom, but numerically I did hit zero, and half way through the year had to restart myself.

And really, I think that's what I'm going to do with 2012; restart myself. Nothing drastic, but a sense of making myself stronger. There's a lot of crap I went through over the past year that I wouldn't have had I just not... "been myself" seems harsh, but there were better ways of handling it. And now I'm in more a position to make happen what I want.

I'll do a full year review later, but for now here are, not resolutions, but things I want to make happen:

- Become more confident

- Focus my attention

- Fear less

- Act sure

- Direct

- Focus

Abstract, but still specific. There's a lot to do, and time keeps seeming to pick up speed.
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2) Write a scene with a drunken mythological creature


“Yes, yes, what is it?”

“What is it that phoenixes eat?”

Professor Gel puffed, never looking up from the numerous papers of numerous languages displayed in front of him. “Technically, they don’t have to eat or drink anything; immortal rebirthing from flame and all that.”

Yukkum looked from the phoenix alight on its perch, to the professor and back. “But when they do…”

“A little of anything any normal bird would ingest. Fish, meat, dead meat, sweetened water; I myself prefer berries, mainly because the kitchen allows me to pilfer their stocks before they throw out whatever they won’t serve us anymore.”


A moment went by before the professor crinkled some papers under his hands. “And just what to do you mean by, ’oh’, you increasingly irritating git?”

“Um, I think the berries you got might have fermented before you gave them to Ice.”

“Oh?” The professor finally looked away from his desk. “And why would you suggest that.”

“Your bird is drunk… sir.”

Professor Gel cocked his head to the side, his unkempt hair doing well to simulate canine ears, and left his desk to move closer to the perch. “Continue student. What leads you to this conclusion?”

Yukkum blinked, not quite sure why his teacher was suddenly going into his teaching mode, but sighed and figured it was better than being ignored or forbade from the offices. “Well, the waver of the neck, her eyes look fogged over, I think she’s emitting the equivalent of a ‘hiccup’ and, well… have you ever seen a phoenix of green fire?” Ice gave another of her “hics” and cocked her own head at the professor, which resulted in her head resting against an emerald wing, completely upside down.

“Fascinating,” was all the professor could say for several minutes, staring in scholarly wonder at his inebriated pet. “Yukkum,” was said so suddenly he jumped at his own name, “run down to the herbology green houses and procure some of that smoke-weed Professor Vacco is splicing together.”

He took a few steps towards the door before turning around. “May I ask, since I don’t believe it to be of any help, why, sir?”

Professor Gel looked over and gave that toothy grin he and his colleagues were famous for.

“Because, once this old bird sobers up, I want to see what color it will turn when we get it high.”

The list )
ravenswept: (Default)
Day 1: Write a scene saying "Hello"

Reginald Pryce Cox was, by all pre-subjugation recorded standards, a model human being. Given the best of educations, the sole heir of a rich political family, and seemingly perfect in many ways, he was the epitome of the then American heartland. Able to follow a child’s desire into adulthood, he became the face and voice of the NASA program, many attributing him as the sole reason the program was even allowed to continue. So when Landing occurred, there was little doubt as to whom would be sent as emissary.

Reginald Cox, as due his upbringing, as also an extremely arrogant SOB. Not realizing his entire life to that point had been a series of buyouts, bribes and not a few depraved altercations, Cox truly believed he had earned his way through life. He also believed himself to be as intelligent as the vast paperwork said him to be (see: depraved altercations) and when going through the months long period of learning interspecies communication needed to extend a peaceful hand , retained little of the nuances he was being taught.

So when presented before the Dy Crellian Planetary Inspection Committee, he believed himself to being saying to them, “We welcome you to Earth, may our peoples share generations of knowledge” while not understanding that his arm movements, vocal tone, and actual use of his physical voice gave an entirely different message (said message has been purged from all non-classified documents, and is taught in educational cycles as “The Great Ass-Wiping”). Such began the classification and subjection of human beings as a “non-evolving species” and the rise in use of “Cox” to mean “an extreme miscalculation in judgment that could have been easily preventable.”

Alternate uses: “Cox it”, “Great Cox”, “You’ve just Coxed us”, “Way to go Reginald”, and “Just add honey and a handshake” (meaning and origin of alternate phrasing unknown)

-Hide This AppCom: Origins and Expansions of Interstellar Swearing, Page 34

The list )
ravenswept: (Default)
So I am back, officially, and officially I have a lot to catch up on. One of which being the 30 Days meme I had made myself and started back in June, and then solidly went to hell. Go me.

Since I only managed to get 9 days in, I'm going to restart the meme myself from the beginning. That means you lucky people get a bonus nine entries! Rejoice!

There are going to be a couple of changes though; sorry, it's just the nature of having a different life situation than when I started the last one. The changes are: I'm changing the word count to anything more than 200, but less than 400. I figure this will allow for more loose writing than trying to adher to the +/- 50 rule. Also, though not a rule per say, I probably won't be doing this every day. There's just too much going on elsewhere, but I will be doing it so that's the best I can offer at the moment.

Other than that, where goes nothing (again). Let's see if I can't come up with something (again) to start this off.
ravenswept: (Default)
That's right y'all, I'm back in the saddle! Dust off the cobwebs, crack open the champagne, someone give me a girl to kiss 'cause I'm back from the war!

After four months of having a craptastic computer, even getting the adapter/battery problems fixed, it still worked like a Alzheimer's patient on a non lucid day.

But now! NOW, I have a brand new computer, with built in damn near everything it seems like, so I'm ready to take back the world I've been without for so long. BRING IT!

*looks up at the list*

Damn... okay, that dampened the enthusiasm a bit.

So, yeah, I've a lot to catch up on. Various reviews I've wanted to do, the whole of the Flash Fiction Meme I made but only made to Day 9 on, various updates on various writing projects that have gone... in directions... movement at least... and some other ramblings. Aweseomesauce.

But yes! Back. Yes. Let's do this.


ravenswept: (Default)

January 2013

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