Invisibility at work? Restore Rapport and Reappear!

It has happened to me several times along my career and I wonder if it has happened to you.
"It" is a feeling that you just don't seem to be part of the interaction, closely followed by a sense that you might as well not be there.
For some people "It" happens at meetings when the good idea you have just suggested does not get heard and then, when it resurfaces later, someone else gets the credit.  It happens when you get the impression your top executives and managers don't know who you are and could care less!  You feel invisible and it hurts.

The good news is that you are not invisible and there are things that you can do straight away to make your presence felt. More about that shortly.  And those hurt feelings?  These suggest to me that you probably are a competent and reliable worker and are a bit annoyed that these qualities are not being affirmed in your workplace by people you like, want to get on with and maybe even want to impress. The simple truth is that those execs are busy people too, with a lot on their minds. It is also true that sometimes for various reasons we can lose rapport with others. Another way of saying this is that sometimes we can become out of sync with the interactions going on around us.

Importance of an external focus
These days when I sense I'm becoming invisible instead of getting annoyed about it, I smile inwardly and hum to myself that old Alison Moyet standard "Invisible".  But the thing about rapport is that you cannot build it by maintaining an internal focus.  So I begin to take stock by first noticing my own physiology.  How am I contributing to my own state? Am I stand-offish? Formal when others aren't?  Then, and this is most important, I check what others are doing by having an external focus. I try to pick up on what others are doing and saying, their body language and vocal tones.. David Molden (2007, p159) points out that the act of "gathering sensory information" about what others are saying and doing in itself is instrumental in building rapport. He refers to the external focus as being in "uptime". Downtime is the opposite and is self-explanatory.
So if we can develop the skill of building rapport (getting in sync) with others it should help us to lose that sense of invisibility and re-appear. 

Ways to build rapport
That external focus is the first practical step. Remember that the simple act of being attuned to the actions of others by noticing them, listening to what they say and how they say it, begins the process of restoring rapport.

Steve Bavister and Amanda Vickers (2004) have several suggestions for building rapport. One of the main methods is matching.  This relies on the observation that since much of what we communicate is carried non-verbally, we can start to build rapport by observing someone's gestures and actions and match them. This needs to be done discretely however and they warn about the difference between matching and mimicking.
They refer to another method as psychogeography. Many with experience of staff appraisals will be familiar with this concept. It refers to sitting side-on with a colleague, removing the possibly confrontational connotations of a face-to-face exchange. However, think of this technique of aligning yourself with another's known position at an upcoming staff or board meeting.

Some may have concerns that attempting to influence people using such techniques is being manipulative. I don't think so. So much of rapport happens naturally, without thinking. Check this out for yourself by taking a look around when you are next in a public space. Engage in a little people-watching and take note of what you see.
If your intention is to improve relationships and communications then surely that is an ethical stance. And that external focus on other people will probably work wonderfully in your work and wider communities.  

Hello there! Where have you been?
Have you found ways of recovering rapport that were particularly helpful? Will you share?

Molden, D (2007) Managing with the power of NLP: Neurolinguistic Programming: A model for better management, 2nd Edition, Pearson Prentice Hall Business. Harlow
Bavister, S and Vickers, A (2004) Teach Yourself NLP, Hodder Education. London