Saturday, December 10, 2011

I'm a thrill killer and I don't mean to.

I realize that I can be a thrill killer for the folks around me. I'm a dork and I like to read up as much as I can about topics that I'm interested in. Therefore when someone says, "Did you know?" I'm the one that usually adds an obscure fact. I don't do this to show off but because I think I'm truly adding something of interest to the conversation. Unfortunately, it probably comes off as being Miss Know-it-All.
The worst of this is that fact that I do this way too much with my husband. He said to me, "I hate that you always have a 'better way' to do something." This statement made me feel awful. I don't want him to think I have a better way. I don't. I just thought this might be easier or would be interesting to try or make his life easier later on. (Remember, I'm a big fan of more work preparing now equals easier later.)
So I'm making this effort now not to offer a 'tip' or 'trick' and simply smile and support my husband when he tells me he is researching something or trying something. I'm trying not to involuntarily offer book recommendations or suggestions. I'm trying to wait until he asks. It hasn't been easy though especially when I see he gets frustrated or he says things that contradict what he said before. "You know everything. How do I do this?"
This whole thrill killer is a psychological issue I have. Chinese mothers have a tendency to show love by not complementing your achievements but offer how you could have done something better. It's the classic, you only got an A-? stereotype. That's why with my kids I don't offer them a better solution. I actively try to allow them the opportunity to discover their own solution and only offer assistance when asked. Why then am I not like that with my husband? Is it because his disorganization drives me mad? Is it because his crazed inability to multi-task effects me in the long run? Is it that I fear this trait I'm not keen on may pass on to my children? Is it that my children who are sponges will see his crazies and consider this normal and may emulate?
I have no clue but I don't want him to ever feel like I'm not proud of him or believe in his accomplishments and therefore am making an effort to not be a thrill killer to him.
Not sure how I'm going to survive but I will.