Hello, my name is Kevin, and I'm going to teach you how to steal beer. It's very simple. All you have to do is listen. I am a blackbelt in Ninpo (the higher order of Ninjitsu) and I have learned many things that I will simplify for you. OK, let's take an example ... you want to steal some beer? No problem ... how do you accomplish this? Easy. First you have to plan.... always know the layout of the store... a lot of convenient stores have their beer in plain sight from the cashier counter ... these are not a good place to steal beer from, unless there is a distraction ... in Ninjitsu it is taught that a target can only focus on 3 things at once ... in the case of the cashier ... the money, the person and the item. so whenever possible ... take the beer when there is someone at the counter ... and the more people the more the cashier's brain has to subconsciously distinguish between those persons actions, but beware ... a lot of customers might be on the lookout for shoplifters. OK, you have found a store that has the beer row hidden somewhat by another row of snacks or what have you ... the next step is to put that item in your concealed possession without anyone else noticing. It's easy. Wear the right suit ... it's hard to conceal big items when you wear shorts, a wifebeater and sandals. That's why it is so much easier to steal in the winter. You wear a coat and pants. Dress up when you steal. Try to wear a thick shirt or sweater when it doesn't look conspicuous. Now you have to conceal the item in your person without being spotted ... another easy one. Beer is setup in an unusual manner, they tilt forward at a 22 degree angle, so that the beer will make noise when it is being taken from the slot. No doubt to alert the cashier of a possible shoplifter. Here is where timing comes into play. You need a time frame of about 7 seconds. That's it! With 7 seconds you can retrieve the bottle without it clanking. Here's how. First I should note that is better to open a shelf beside the beer ... like a door that has 12 ounce plastic bottle cokes, because in all stores the cashier can see what door is being opened, and they are probably conditioned to what position the beer door is in their view of sight. 80% of the time I grab the beer through a door that does not have beer ... this makes it more difficult to keep the clanking down, but I believe it looks less suspicious. And also, the best beer to steal is 40 or 22 ounces, they are easily concealed. Do yourself a favor and don't try to steal 12 packs... 90% of the time it won't work. Here is how to grab the beer ... the human hand is very jittery when in an anxious state of mind, not good for grabbing loud bottles. What you do is an old Japanese Ninjitsu exercise before you enter the store, it will calm you down, and you won't look suspicious either. Here's what you do - take a deep breath slowly, fill your lungs all the way up ... hold it for 3 seconds, then exhale slowly and totally ... push all your air out, and hold it for 3 seconds, then inhale normally. I could go on for about 3 paragraphs about why this works, but I will spare you the time. This is a good way of clearing the mind, and I guarantee it will make you unnoticable. Here is how to stop the bottles from clanking - the bottles are on a 22 degree tilt, so when they are handled, there will be clanking noises, which alert the cashier. Another easy problem. You must have delicate hands... what you do is grab the beer above the beer that you are going to steal, and hold it in place, when you are doing this - focus on the word 'Soften' just trust me on that. You have to seperate the bottle behind the beer you are going to steal away from the bottle you are going to steal, so it dosn't clank when you take it, by about 4 millimeters. That gives you enough space to pull it away from the other bottle without it touching. Now, once you have that bottle completly away from the bottle you were holding in the shelf, you have to think about the sound it will make when you let go of it. It will release from your hand, and clank next to the bottle behind it, and so will the bottle behind it, and the one before that... you get the point. So you have to ease the bottles back down, so the first bottle meets the end of the row, without it making a sound. Don't 'studder' your movements... if you did that breathing excercise you probly won't. OK, you have gotten the beer and have completley made no sound... good! Now how to conceal it. The best way is to wear baggy pants., that has room in the wasteline to shove a beer into it, and have the proper shirt, sweater or coat will hide the presence of the beer. Practice this first, if you have a 40 ounce around. Or practice the movements in your head. Now shut the door slowly and make your way to the door... do not make eye contact with the cashier... ever! Once you have possesion of the beer just keep your head down (look at items on the lower shelf) and make your way to the door. Hopefully the cashier is still fixated on a customer, and won't pay notice to you leaving without buying an item. Contrary to populer belief it is not a good idea to buy a cheap item... it is best to just leave after you have stolen the beer (remember, the cashier has no clue that you have stolen anything). Too easy. I have stolen alot of beer from stores, and alot of other items, you can adapt this teaching to any other item (that is easily concealed within clothes). If you have any questions or would like to comment or have used my method to get beer, or want me to write about another subject... e-mail me at "Lucid Impulses@aol.com" Good luck!