So I’ve been watching this series on Netflix called Lost. This is the one that was on TV some years ago, where it is centered on this story about people who survived a plane crash and get stranded on a deserted tropical island.

This will have been the third time I have watched this series, as it has remained one of my favorites of all time.

I enjoy watching this series because every time I’ve watched it, in a different time of my life, in a different space, I see something new and something fascinating. I’ve come to recognize common threads that reveal the truth about who we are a human beings, why we suffer, why we seek, and what can unconsciously drive us.

It reveals the truth about what I’ve been doing to seek happiness and contentment my whole life, similar to how other humans seek, just as these characters on a show.

Characters like Jack, John, Sawyer and Kate, are always on a mission to do “something” to change their outside circumstances, with the hopes they will finally get to where they want to be. They fight and claw and scratch to get “saved” from the island, where it is apparent that they believe they will finally be happier, safer, better off, free.

The illusion of freedom always escapes them. Because no matter where they go on the island, what they do to be rescued, the small victories they win, the food and shelter they find, whoever they rescue, or whoever they kill, they always end up with yet more problems, and they get further and further away from being happy, from being free.

They run from the darkness which is depicted as the cloud of black smoke they call “the monster”, that consumes people in the jungle. Flashbacks intertwine with their present story, of things they’ve done in their old lives that haunt them.

They don’t feel safe in the jungle with the dark smoke, yet at the same time, they don’t want to live on the beach, where their eyes squint, blinded by the light of the sun.

Are these characters so different than we who suffer from alcoholism and addiction?

Is there desire to be saved so different then our desire for inner peace?

When Kate asked Sawyer why he was leaving them to go with John Lock, and stay on the island, when they finally had a real chance to be saved, He said to her “I’m doing the same thing I always do Kate… surviving.”

Is that true freedom?

Making decisions based on fear to merely survive, to just exist, compromising our truth to just stay alive?

Or is there more?

Is there another option?

Even though as the observer of the story, I can see that they just tirelessly run in circles, planning, scheming, either running from something or chasing something or someone else, never getting any closer to what it is they really want, they as characters in the story, do not see it.

Even though I know that they just need to slow down, to pause to see things clearly, and that all they need, in this very moment, they ALREADY HAVE, and all they’ll ever really need, EACH OTHER, they don’t know how to ever pause long enough, to stop to recognize it.

Whether they were together with the ones they loved, on an island or in a city, on a beach or in a park, it wouldn’t matter.

Why can’t they stop running long enough to see the beauty of the beach, the sun, the ocean waves and the coconuts that surround them, in the simple moments spent together, without constantly wanting something else, needing something else?

Why can they only relax in the seconds caught off guard, laughing and playing ping pong on the home made table made with plane parts and twine, before remembering once again that they aren’t home, they don’t have as much stuff, they don’t have as many “things” as they could have, in the way they think they should have them?

And when the THOUGHT sets in, the lightness fades from their faces, the frowns of worry appear again, and they are compelled by that thought that they must go back to planning their rescue.

Rescue from what? It appears they think it’s from the island. When after watching the culmination of their stories three times now, really what they are running from is themselves. What they run from is the darkness, the past, the pain and the disappointment of their lives.

In this series, We watch them work out these issues in their time on the island, we watch them repeat old mistakes or make new choices. We watch them suffer or heal. The ones who make peace with their lives, who forgive, who let go, come into acceptance that the rest of what they will know as life may be on the island, well… they are the ones who evolve and get free.

You may be thinking, how does this all relate to you?

Why should you care about this story?

You should care because this is YOU’RE story too.

You’re island is happening right here, your suffering on this island is optional, rescue is available TO YOU, though not by boat, by plane or submarine.

And your time is right now.


Starting Over

When I was the beach yesterday having a beautiful time, out of the blue a wave comes up and washes over everything we had setting on the sand, including my cell phone.

My phone is completely destroyed and I lost everything.
Every phone number, photo, everything I piece I had written on it.

No iCloud back up.

Nothing synced.

Everything in it is gone.

I saw it happen in slow motion and it has been replaying over and over in my mind ever since.

There were photos of my kids and I during my visits, friends that have come and gone, and times I want to remember.

Those photos are gone.

I definitely relied on my phone a lot.

I wish I could’ve acted quicker or done something different.

The fact is that I can’t go back and change what has happened no matter how much I would like to.

Like in all other life situations, I must push forward.

As I now work to rebuild my contact list and set up an entirely new phone, I can’t help but wonder what it is I can learn from this experience.

Everything is truly and always in perfect order.

What is the universe trying to tell me?

What Surrender, Again?

There are no coincidences in this experience called human life. Every second orchestrated in beautiful harmony whether we can see it in this present moment or not.

I’ve been very physically sick, sicker than I’ve been in a long, long time. For the last few days it’s been constant suffering. There still seems no end in sight. It came on like a storm out of the blue.

It has forced me to slow down and just be. Though at this very time my ego has been feeling it quite inconvenient. I cannot go run and do a million things to avoid myself.

I can’t do much of anything except talk (and that is difficult), read and do some writing.

Why is this perfect timing?

I’ve lost someone I love.

Today I should’ve started the gift of my new position at work.

I’ve had to allow people to help me. Those I typically help, I’ve had to lean on to help me, which is still a work in progress for me.

I’ve had to say no to people.

Although I’m finding life today is not how I would’ve liked to see it, and add to it being physically hurting and ill, this is actually the perfect time.

I have been “encouraged” by the universe to delve deeper within.

And so I have.

This feeling of complete and utter surrender, being out of answers, no resistance, giving up everything I think I know, exhausted and at the mercy of all that is in this moment, is a familiar feeling I’ve felt before.

Uncomfortable as it is, I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, again. Weight I never knew I had been carrying, yet again.

I can look back at all the growth and beauty that grew from this experience in the past and believe that it’s about to happen again.

Because I have awareness today.

Because I trust.

Because I am open.

Because I am willing.



Darkness is a cancer that spreads.

They are hurt people who continue to hurt people.








I’m sad for those people.


I will never be perfect.


I fight hard everyday to keep the darkness at bay.



I wouldn’t want the alternative.

Thank you God for the lesson so my soul can evolve.

I got the message loud and clear.