Relationships, making them work

Just what a relationships is and isn't.

If you take the dictionary and look up the word relationship and you look up the words that define relationship and you make a definition out of these words, what you get is; A relationship is an understanding and being aware of another person's way of being. So a relationship is a condition of understanding and being aware of another person.

Now, so that we don't leave anyone confused. I want to contrast what we are looking for from what we are not looking for. Because often the contrast allows us to be clear.

So what a relationship isn't; People who are related often think that they are involved. So it's a good idea to get clear about what involvement means. To be involved in a relationship means; 'to make intricate, tangled and complicated', right out of the dictionary by the way... When you are involved, the involvement is shuffling the relationship out of the way.

Entanglement is another word that we aren't looking for. Because many people are entangled in their relationships. Entanglement means; 'to involve as in a tangle, to catch' (like in a net), escape is difficult'. If you got something from which escape is difficult, and you are calling it a relationship, then you're making a big mistake. That's not a relationship, that's an entanglement.

So a relationship is a condition of understanding and being aware of another person. That's it!

Well that clears a lot, don't you think?  Get rid of the blah, blah, blah.

Powerful relationship

In order to have a workable relationship you must create a powerful commitment. Do everything that is necessary to make the relationship workable. Honor your word with integrity. Keep your promise or do it better. If not possible, be in communication and create a new workable and powerful commitment.

Perfect or Complete relationship

To have a perfect or a complete relationship you must let go all of the things, feelings, emotions, thoughts and habits that don't serve the relationship anymore. A perfect relationship is not about you. You just being the space in which the relationship can exist. 

You can be related only to the degree that you can let the things in the space of a relationship be.

To the degree that you can allow those things to be, you can be in relation. In other words, there are two states in which things exists. One is called something. So a thing can exist as something. Something which exist as something changes his state, when you complete the experience of it (when you let it be totally), to the state of everything. Which is also nothing. When it exist as everything nothing you are no longer the effect of it. You are then able to create it. The way you alter something to the state of everything nothing is by letting it be, is by allowing yourself to complete the experience of it.

So to the degree that you can complete the experience of those things that you have been resisting experiencing, to that degree you can be related.

If something tragic, terrible, unpleasant or unwanted comes up. Whatever it is that comes up, to the degree that you can let it be, to the degree that you are willing to complete the experience of it, to that degree you become more alive in your relationship. Therefore I say, that what comes up is your friend.

What you resist is what you become.

If you want the relationship to flourish in all its glory, you have to give up control.

About the Author

Joeban Machiel - Life Enthusiast. Possibilizer. Coach.

