Captain by alexiuss
Gender: Unspecified
Species: Human
Notable Colors:      Purple
Occupation: Captain
Aliases: Zee Captain
Subject 7
Prophet Lemonade
First Appearance: Episode 1
Latest Appearance: Episode 109


The word "Zee" before his name is a stereotype of the German accent when saying "the".


Capture 4

Young Captain

Captain's history is sketchy, at best. Captain claims to have been born "A little girl" in "Germany". Further he tells a story about the time he was a child, when young Captain met a deranged man who wanted to "suck out [Captain's] precious eyeball juices with [his] straw". And Captain claims that he refuses to share straws with anyone due to this incident. Unfortunately Captain is a very unreliable source of information.

What is confirmed is, that Captain was the subject of Project 7, which aimed to find the luckiest person on earth. Due to this he was raised to the rank of a captain and was allowed access to ANNET's Core Room, where he proceeded to spill hot tea on the servers. This caused ANNET to malfunction and attempt to reprogram or kill every human in existence. Dr. Gromov and a few others escaped presumably due to their admin privileges. How Captain escaped is unclear, but it was possibly due to his trademark luck.

Captain speaks with a German accent. And it is stated by Snippy, that he uses a voice changer. His true gender is so far unknown, however Mr. Snippy believes Captain is male.



The Captain's outfit


Captain without his mask, seen from behind in the Ancestors Story Arc.

Zee Captain is clad in a heavy, dark grey trenchcoat, black leather boots and black leather gloves. A shroud, a black gas mask with dual filters and purple goggles obscures his face. A commander's hat rests upon his head with a red band around it and a single, silver star ornament on the front side. Captain is nearly never seen without his trademark mug, which has been known to contain various liquids ranging from tea to water to sugary death water. Captain drinks by using a straw, without removing his mask.

Later he acquired what seems to be the flesh of the apocalyptic alien creature known as Cancer and wears it as a scarf around his neck.

In the Ancestors Story Arc, The Captain temporarily lost all of his headwear, including his scarf, but as the running gag with The Captain normally goes, any features suggesting his or her true gender is hidden from view, including what the Captains true face appears to be.


A running gag in the comic is the uncertainty about Captain's exact gender. Captain refers to himself being a girl as well as a lad growing up, and in one comic Captain asks Sniper to "grab [his] boob". The comic's creator posted on his blog that male actors, female actors and even his wife model for Captain "so Zee Captain can be ALL genders!" However in his askblog on Tumblr Mr. Snippy replied, when asked about this topic, that there was only a very low possibility of Captain being female.

It is seen in one of the comics, that Captain puts on and wears a red bra, though he might just be a little crazy. Another hint that Captain might be a female appears in Snippy's blog entry from the time when his memories were read by The Biomass, however, these memories are jumbled so it might not be true: He refers to Pilot and Captain as 'the green-eyed man-child-robot' and 'the purpled-eyed girl', respectively.


ve us all, you'll outlive us all!♪



Skills and Equipment



he Captain's main power is constant good luck. Captain seems to suffer from a permanent Deus Ex Machina complex - no matter how bad the situation becomes, Captain is always able to save the day. It is likely that this is the primary trait which made him a perfect candidate for Project 7.

Captain's primary weapon, if it can be called that, is his mug filled with scalding to scorching hot tea. He has at least once used its incredibly hazardous contents to disable an alien robot. According to Snippy's journal, Captain has also used it to threaten subordinates into submission when they refused to carry out a particular mission. For a brief period, Captain was in possession of a slice of very stale - and presumably radioactive - cake. When threatened, Captain was able to throw this cake with enough force and accuracy to kill an alien invader through its helmet. Captain is also shown to have a "magic satchel", often pulling things, such as a mustache over his gas mask, out of nowhere.

Captain's face is as much a mystery as Pilot's; they are the only two cast members who have not been unmasked, although it is dubious whether Stalky counts as a cast member. However, it seems even his face is a weapon, as he caused an Alien's head to explode merely by his gazing upon it.

Living 404 Error: It seems impossible (at least for hostile aliens) to scan, detect or lock on Captain with technology. So far the first group of alien invaders, the Biomatrix 117 and the Arbitrator all had the same problems finding or targeting Captain.


Incredibly, the Captain is able to stand before a black hole, unaffected by the vacuum. He apparently intends to drink the vortex dry with his Straw.

The Mug

The Captain's mug has, as of Episode 95, shown to be an assassin hired by an unknown party to kill the Captain along with several other (probably robotic) objects, namely a ladybug and the straw. it is unknown if Captain knows about this or not.

The evil mastermind behind the assassins might be the ANNET, or it could be a new yet unknown enemy.
