Why Independence Is Crucial For a Healthy Relationship


Being in a new relationship is like going to the Sweet Factory after a 30 day, no sugar, you hate your life the whole time, cleanse. You have been thinking about this very moment for the last 30 days and you are not going to miss out on anything. You initially stock up on your favorites: Swedish fish, chocolate covered gummy bears, and sour apple O’s. Then you walk up and down each isle at least 3 times to make sure you are not missing out on anything you have been dreaming of. The day has finally arrived and you will have no regrets.

Every thought is consumed by him, from the time you wake up to the time your head hits the pillow. And let’s be honest, he is probably found frequently making good use of the space in your dreams as well. Every night you are sure to make plans for the next day, you do not want to spend one moment without him. The two of you do everything together. He is getting drinks with his boys, you are thrilled to be his arm candy. He needs a new shirt for work, good thing you know the perfect shade of purple to match his new grey slacks. He needs to pick up an old book from his parents, you are the perfect fit for his passenger seat.

Things are off to a fairy tale start and you are loving it. The two of you just get each other. When he has a long day at work you have dinner ready for him. When it has been a rough day you have a glass of wine poured and an open ear to talk about it. When he makes plans for the weekend, you clear your schedule. This is it, he is the man of your dreams, and your very best friend.

One day you are at work and he texts you, “Hey babe. I’m not going to be able to make dinner tonight. I am going to grab a drink with the guys after work. I’ll see you when I get home.”

Your feelings are hurt. This new feeling frustrates you. What does he mean he is going out without me? He doesn’t care that I will have to eat dinner alone? Does he not want me around anymore? Has something changed?

Your first reaction is doubt, your second is revenge. That’s fine, you will just go out with your girls. You grab your phone and for the first time you realize that you have not heard from any of them in a while. Yes, they stopped calling you, because you kept bailing.

Now is the time you hit a fork in the road, your GPS is down, and you have to decide which direction to go. Right, you choose path of needing your significant other to be everything for you. Left, you choose the path of independence within your relationship.

Here are a few reasons you are better off veering Left:

  1. Significant Other > Best Friend

We are all human. You will never fully reap the benefits of your significant other if he has to fulfill two separate roles in your life. That is too much pressure on him and, let’s be honest, men do not work well under pressure. He should be your lover, your confidant, your partner, and your friend. But, he doesn’t need to be your best friend.

  1. Fill all of your tanks.

Prioritize your friends, your family, and yourself. Genuine one on one time with those who matter most in your life is food for the soul. Take notes from him, time apart is important for growth in a relationship. When you fill your other tanks you do not expect as much from him which allows you to fully enjoy your time together.

  1. Independence is sexy.

At the end of the day when the lights are turned down low, social media is an after thought, the curtains are closed, and it is just the two of you, there is one thing you want more than anything from your man: to feel sexy. He loves it when you do your thing, when you are not waiting on his schedule, and when you have things other than him that are important to you and make you happy.

  1. Long term happiness does exist.

When the two of you have independence within your relationship, your intimacy and passion will soar to new heights. Your time together will be more valuable and more appreciated. Your respect for each other will be mutual and thoughtful. You will learn to deeply understand each other and appreciate the things that are important to the other person. Your significant other was not designed to be your happiness. He was designed to contribute to it.