Liv Tyler on How to Attend a Party Hosted by Your Ex

The actress offered up some advice at an event hosted by her former boyfriend, Joaquin Phoenix.

When we last left Liv Tyler, she was in the Miu Miu front row, telling us about her Empire Records costume woes. (Note to future movie producers: mohair sweaters and impromptu dance parties don't mix.)

Cut to last night, when we spotted Tyler at Prada's benefit for The Lunchbox Fund. Wearing a side braid and a cool black dress, the actress was on-site to support the charity, which brings school meals to South African children and counts Rain and Joaquin Phoenix as board members. 

But along with the logistics of navigating a party with one's ex (Tyler and Phoenix dated for three years) in attendance, we were dying to know about Tyler's experience with The Leftovers. The critically acclaimed HBO drama recently put the actress in a controversial sex scene that the Internet won't let go.

Since we can't, either, we went straight to the source: Tyler herself.

We have to talk about The Leftovers.

I'm so glad you want to! That's so exciting. I never know who's watching; it's not like a movie where the box office numbers come out right away...

We're watching. And we have to talk about the infamous scene where your character Meg has very violent sex with a younger man. Many viewers saw it as Meg assaulting him. How did you view the scene?

I had just had Sailor, so it was kind of crazy for me because he was like two months old. They gave us the first three scripts, and I wasn't in them. Damon [Lindelof, the creator] said we were moving to this new town, and I wasn't going to be in a lot of the season, but when I was there, it was going to be important. And I didn't really understand. And that scene was the first scene I saw. And I was like, 'Oh god.' Obviously, having just had a baby, anything you have to do where you have to be very open with your body is sort of intimidating. But it's funny because on the page, I was freaked out by it and I didn't understand it completely. I remember asking him, 'Why am I doing this? Can you tell me where we're going with this? I don't understand.' And he said, 'Is it okay for you to just know where you are right now, and to not know where you're going?' And I was like, 'Ugh.' That is the last thing I wanted to hear. But then when we were actually doing the scene, there was an incredible kind of intimacy to it, and we were both kind of emotional, which was weird. And I almost got tears in my eyes at one point, and it didn't feel like an assault, and it also didn't feel particularly sexual, which is strange. It felt like two lost humans connected in some way. But I was trying to understand why she was doing that.

Have you watched the scene since then?

Yes, I've seen it. 

Has that changed the way you view it?

No. I still think it's really weird and crazy. But that's kind of the fun of the whole experience. There's many surprises like that. I'm not even allowed to say that much! I kind of go away for awhile, and then I come back... and when I saw that [storyline], I was like, 'Whoa.' Just when I think I know what's gonna happen next, he surprises me with this gift of this incredible story. It's something very uncomfortable. I've never done it before. So for me as an actress, it's an amazing opportunity and challenge. And I'm really grateful for it.

We're at The Lunchbox Fund. Did you have a lunch box growing up?

I did. I had a He-Man lunch box. I definitely remember it. 

So I have to ask you; we're at an event hosted by Joaquin Phoenix, but he has the flu. And I need some advice...

About the flu?


About Joaquin?

Not exactly. I know you and Joaquin dated for years. So I need some advice on how to attend the same party as your ex.

I'm friends with all my exes! I love them so much! I guess it depends on what happens, right? I consider Joaquin and all of his sisters to be like family. We were so young when we were together, like 18 to 21. He was my first love. So he's a huge part of even my sense of humor. Like, Milo will say something and I'll say, 'Wow, that's something that Rain said! That's something Joaquin said!' Because they were such a big part of those years when you're just starting out on your own. I have so much love for that family. I learned a lot from them.

That makes sense. And it's lovely.

But I mean, it's not like I spend a lot of time with them or anything. It's not like we do Thanksgiving together. You've got to keep your boundaries!

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