Get Me Out Of Here

Our KING Size Bionic Bed

Dreaming I´m in it…

Can’t even fit it all in one photo…


In fact I can’t fit any of our huge Spanish master bedroom in one photo. To the right of where I took this is a dressing table and matching drawers. With a flat screen TV on the wall, and then the bedroom door.

To the left are double patio doors out onto the balcony. Behind me there’s wall to wall, floor to ceiling (solid wood) fitted wardrobes with fitted cupboards up top. The wardrobes are so big I can walk through them with room to spare, and can’t reach the cupboards…!

Oops, wandered round the bedroom off topic there, didn’t even mention the massive ceiling fan (with lights), or the air con / heating unit on the wall, or the secondary alarm system…

Anyway, this is no ordinary bed. Note the remote controls on either side? Well it’s one base with two orthopaedic mattresses, and each moves separately to whatever position one’s heart (or back) desires.

So if you want to sleep sat up you can. Feet up you can. Legs and feet up on an angle you can. Or mix them all together at the same time and become a contortionist. The sheets are separate too, so it doesn’t matter if one partner is at half mast while the other lies flat with legs akimbo.

It also solves any “tangled arguments” in the middle of the night about who’s got most most space, or who’s taken all the quilt with them.

AND because it’s so w-i-d-e prevents any knees / feet from knocking on the door of the other persons spinal chord / bum cheeks. [Even though we’re both slim and trim, in a “normal” bed, legs and arms all over the show tend to present a problem]

Nope, none of that silliness happens when sleeping in THIS bed. It’s a very serious bed indeed, and will not allow any uninvited invasion into another persons mattress space during sleepy time.  

However, I don’t suppose it would be a happy situation if one person messed with the other’s remote. Now there’s a thing. I wonder if he’d wake up…? Must try it out sometime.

Never mind dancing in the streets, dance in yer sleep…


Which reminds me, I once really did dance in the street with hundreds of other people outside the iconic Wigan Casino. It was the last night before they bulldozed the place. One of the DJ’s improvised and set up his van as the “musical hub” in the road outside. Meantime I was dancing on the bonnet of a car…! (Till the cops turned up). 

For anyone who’s never heard of the place, Northern Soul belted out from Wigan Casino every Saturday night from 8pm to 8am Sunday morning. Yes they were “all nighters” with anything up to 2,000 people in there. And you were supposed to be age 18 to get in, but my mates and me were there age 16, undercover of “going for a sleepover” to the parents…  

Heth here was one of the few “princesses” who glided across the dance floor with much respect. Wearing my full length, full circle skirt, and flat dancing shoes I could pirouette that skirt up to waist height, and then with a little twist the opposite way drop it down to the ground in less than a second. (Having done ballet for over 10 years helped a lot). In tune with every note there she blazed, with leotard underneath so the knickers weren’t on show…

Oh, and James Brown used to come over here to visit on a regular basis. He always stopped by to shake my hand and have a natter, great guy, what an icon, god rest his SOUL…

How the heck I got from the Costa Blanca (now) to Wigan, Lancashire (then) in one blog post is beyond me.

Did it take as long as the plane journey to write? Well no, we’d probably be in mid flight while eating plastic food off plastic trays…

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