Whoso believeth on me shall have eternal life, what ever that is.

Perhaps eternal life is some super quantum state of a higher plane in one of the 11 dimensions, but I leave that to the theoretical string physicists attempting to explain quantum gravity.

The point is that what ever it is, you need to believe specifically in me!

I can never lead you astray because I am appointed to be The Supreme General.

Do not ask who appointed me. That is irrelevant. Just have faith it was someone important and leave it at that.

You must have faith that all my prophecies will come true, even though they never do. It’s a spiritual thing.

There is no use in listening to anyone else. I’m it. There is no one else. Of any importance. Who you can do you any good.

Faith is the substance and proof of things which don’t exist and never will: Quantum physics teaches us that some things cannot exist until they are observed. That is like faith in the things I bring to you. They don’t really exist and never will until you observe them. If you lack faith and then they do appear, won’t you be embarassed?!

If you but believe, you can make mole hills into mountains; mustard seeds into disgusting salad dressing; blessings into excruciating problems.

Faith demands that you must believe that the world around you is coming crashing to an end and the Great Tribulation is just around the corner. It’s always just a few months away. If you want to be saved from the world going to hell in a handbasket, you must have faith that I will build you a better handbasket to take you to a Place of Safety where you will learn a lot in your slavery to me for either 3.5 years or 7 years, which ever it is. Time will be cut short. You have to believe that. And then a glorious new world will dawn. You must have faith that you will be one of my close lackies when I am the leader in it. I will rule for a thousand years and then afterward, I will rule some more. You can be part of that, only if you have sufficient fat. I mean sufficient faith.

The world is ours.

Well, actually, it is more accurate to say the world is mine.