To-Do List – Erykah Badu

Didnt Cha Know.

The promiscuity double standard. We all are familiar with it. Just to break it down: men are allowed to have as many sexual partners, flings, one-night stands, mistresses, clandes, chips-funga’s as they want but if a woman does it, she’s a h… *gardening implement*.

Dont blame me, ladies. Blame society.

From an early age, women are taught how to walk, talk and behave like ladies from the way they’re supposed to sit, to the manner in which they dress, the way they eat and most importantly the way they carry themselves around men. Therefore any deviation from the standard of “being a lady” is automatically frowned upon by society. In fact, in the dating and relationship game, men are literally given carte blanche to insult, degrade, and dismiss ‘promiscuous’ ‘loose’ women. I’m not a feminist, but I dont think its right. I dont see why, in the case of a new couple for instance, the guy has more of a right to be pissed off and upset that his girlfriend has had more sexual partners than he has or more sexual encounters than he would expect her to have had.

 However, the reality of today’s world is that both women and men are evolving. Men, on the one hand, are not the chivalrous, alpha-male types and are more open to embracing new lifestyles and other facets of their sexuality. Women, on the other hand, are assuming a greater control over their sexual and reproductive capacities and are exerting more pressure on men and their notions of masculinity than ever before.

My proof? Erykah Badu, ofcourse.

By anyone’s standards, Badu is successful. Grammy Award-winning singer, song-writer, producer, fashion trendsetter and the list goes on and on. However her noteworthy career is easily overlooked by those who instead judge her for having three children (Seven, Puma and Mars) from three different men (Andre 3000, The D.O.C and Jay Electronica). Immediately, one imagines Erykah as a loose woman, an unfit mother and a bad role-model as a musician. I’m sure she’s dealt with these stereotypes and criticisms throughout her career but the amazing thing for me is how she has managed to still produce stellar albums like “Worldwide Underground” and “New Amerykah Part One (4th World War)”. Through these albums, she speaks openly and thoughtfully about her love of life, men, music and her Afro-American culture and succeedes in drawing focus away from her personal life and on her versatile, ground-breaking eclectic sound and wisdom. As we speak, Erykah Badu is set to release her fifth studio album, ‘New Amerykah Part Two’ tomorrow.

As for the latest controversy surrounding her new video “Window Seat”, all I see is a woman, using her femininity and public influence to speak to us about being comfortable in our skin, the importance of individuality in expression and how society today is literally trying to kill our right to express our thoughts and opinions publicly. That’s what I saw when I watched it – but that wasn’t all I saw, though 😉

In conclusion, although it is clear that the promiscuity double standard is not likely to change anytime soon, I think we can all agree that the world could use more women like Badu.

‘Nuff Said.

17 thoughts on “To-Do List – Erykah Badu

  1. First to comment – yaaay!! Oh that track!! I was so going to write about it…but hey, the day caught up with me. Great post. Erykah rocks!!

      • Let’s just say that when erykah badu’s ass talks, everyone listens. and dies. helen keller’s favorite color is erykah badu’s ass. erykah badu’s ass can slam a revolving door. erykah badu’s ass did in fact, build rome in a day…

        okay, I’m going to stop now. lol

  2. Saw the video on youtube..and all I can say is..ehm.. she’s looking real good for a woman who’s given birth thrice 🙂 I agree with you entirely on the double-standards point but as far as Erykah goes, no more baby-daddies please!

  3. Great post!!
    Given all the obscenities on tv its flabbergasting to see people fuss over this video…she is getting naked to prove a point…a very valid point about the loss of individuality. I guess society is much more comfortable with women getting naked for far more degrading purposes

  4. Hold up, 5 guys? really? Like seriously? I find it funny that men would never go for a chick that’s a virgin but if she’s seen to be too much of a ‘freak’ then its a problem!?… Anyways, haven’t seen the video lakini I’ve always known Erykah to be fearless so I’m glad she’s keeping it real.

  5. You make a valid point about Erykah Badu being the exception to the promiscuity double standard. But what you failed to point out was that there are plenty of double standards that favour women. However as a man I think you owed it to your female readers to explain the rationale behind the promiscuity double standard.

    Ladies, there are myriad evolutionary and physiological reasons used to explain why this mindset has been ingrained in us, but these three are cited a bit more often than others

    1. because there’s more of a likelihood that sex will do harm to a woman’s body (ie: pregnancy, an increased vulnerability to STD’s, etc) than a man’s, women who sleep around and continually put themselves in harms way have their decision-making abilities and sanity questioned, damning traits for anyone hoping to be a mother.

    2. only in the past half-century or so has a man been able to verify without a doubt that his kids were undeniably his. because of this, its easy to understand why we hold relatively chaste chicks in higher regard than wanton women. its kind of hard to take someones word that “it’s yours” if you know they’ve already slept with the entire 2010 Kenya Rugby 7’s team.

    3. men are natural explorers and discoverers, and no man wants to claim some scorched earth thats already been explored and discovered by the next n*ggas tribe.

    Therefore this is the main reason why most savvy men learn to adapt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy if they’re really into someone, but would have had serious trouble even getting to the “really into her” point if he was made privy to her past. And if her past is hovering above the 5 guy limit, its hard to get past her past. So ladies, do us a favour and lie the next time we ask you how many guys you’ve been with, okay?


  6. All I gotta say is,the world would’ve been a better place if only earthlings played there Morally designated roles.A woman to be a woman and likewise a Man to get his side right, that is without the fear of being labelled this or that.
    if you listen to the first verse of that song,she sets the record straight and that shit got me into a deep meditation.
    Good post Hommie.

  7. I have 4 very very beautiful lady friends with two kids each and unmarried. We are all of the same age and I cant villainize them for what they have been through. If i was to choose a bride to walk down the isle right now, right this moment, believe you me I would pick one of them if not all because they are fabolous, gracious, home makers with strong character, among many qualities. Not that there aint fine ladies without kids. Just that I know them well and past lives dont make them less what they are. #TMI Badu…… i have mad mad respect

    • I hear you man. Before you got to know them though, a part of you (admit it) subconsciously couldnt get over the fact that they got kids (tis understandable) and thus you drew certain preliminary conclusions about them (gender double standard). Once you got to know them (the real people they are), obviously that’s a different story.

  8. I’m with @SupremeGREAM just because a woman has a child, it doesn’t mean she isn’t a great person.

    It’s time men realised that sexual inexeprience isn’t everything. Virgins can make nasty wives too you know?

    Go for a great personality and you won’t go wrong.

    @Bond men don’t get STIs? What do you have to say about men who father children all over the place? I think the sexual double standards are there so men don’t have to work hard to make relationships work, while they pressure women to work hard so the man doesn’t stray.

    Absolute rubbish IMO.

  9. @ MisterNv, I was lucky to attend her concert last week in Miami, boy she can sing. She literally lit the arena up. She performed the song “window seat”. We were all expecting her to start throwing her clothes all over, it never happened. She is a very talented singer and the best.

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