

Ways to blow £10,000 in John Lewis

How to blow that spare £10,000 you have in John Lewis. By Clare Bennett

26 Apr 2016

EXCITING NEWS! You can now spend £10,000 on a duvet at John Lewis. This doesn't mean impending apocalypse, oh no, it just means a really good night's sleep. And, in case you were wondering, here are six other ways to spend £10,000 at John Lewis.

1) 5,000 children's rabbit buttons

Buttons fall off easily, especially when children are tugging at their cardigans or getting changed too quickly and yanking their shirts over their heads. Buttons are not the kind of thing you want to run out of, especially rabbit-shaped ones. A plain white button wouldn't cut it in this case.

£2 for a set of four

2) Five Jura Impressa Z6 Bean to Cup coffee machines

You know that thing where your husband says, 'Mmm, I really want a cup of coffee' and you say, 'I want one too' and he says, 'I said it first, so I get to make mine first' and you say, 'But I'm your wife - where are your manners?' and he says 'I've never loved you' and you say, 'Get out' and then he leaves? That would never happen if you had the Five Jura Impressa Z6 Bean to Cup coffee machine, because you can make two cups at the same time. Worth having more than one so you can dot them around the house. It might save your marriage.

£1,894.95 each

3) 2,352 packets of 15-denier tights in black

It is extremely slovenly to wear laddered tights and your excuses about ripping them on the way to work simply won't wash. This is not the Eighties, and you are not the lead singer of Transvision Vamp. Why not be prepared and carry some spares around with you for the rest of your life?

£4.25 each

4) 10 NordicTrack C300 treadmills

Why are you so unfit? What's wrong with you? Probably because you don't have 10 treadmills. Everyone knows that you need to form the habit of exercising regularly before you really see any difference and if you put your treadmill in the garage, you'll just be able to avoid it. Be honest. It's harder if there's also one in your bedroom. And your dining room. And the drawing room. Without our health, we have nothing.

£999 each

5) 1,111 Baby Father Christmas dress-up rompers

Everyone knows that the only point of having a baby is to dress it up in hilarious costumes to make you and your friends laugh. It's important to satisfy this very natural desire before the creatures are old enough to talk and object. GOOD NEWS: their baby Father Christmas outfits are on special offer at the moment. It's literally a sign from the universe!

£9 each

6) Two Weber Summit S670 Six-Burner gas barbecues

Just because it's hailing outside doesn't mean we can't start getting excited about summer. This barbecue runs on gas, so there's none of that faffing about with wood that takes ages to get hot, therefore running the risk of undercooked chicken that could put you in bed for a week with a bad case of salmonella. This barbecue is so sophisticated that the point of having two is that you keep one in the garden and you move into the other, because it's unlikely you're currently living in anything even remotely as nice.

£3,999 each