Scene 4: Run-down Message Board

Scene 4: Run-down Message Board Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:24
The adminostater and the gaurdian are talking together while the 1337 h4x0r is recovering from his near-death experience with Inspector Walnut and the noobs run around doing noobish things like spamming and topic necromancy. The gaurdian looks over at them.

Gaurdian: wow tehy wiatd almost a week b4 reviving taht one

There is a loud buzzing sound from the spell checker that a noob had brought back.

Adminostater: focus we hav 2 dside wat 2 do with tihs spel chekr

The spell checker buzzes again.

Gaurdian: get rid ov it

The spell checker buzzes once more.

Adminosater: i think we shold keep it adn thro it at ppl wen they enter so taht we get mor ppl

The spell checker buzzes even louder. The gaurdian covers its ears.

Gaurdian: mak it stop! mak it stop!

The spell checker continues to buzz.

Gaurdian: Make it stop!

The spell checker abruptly stops. The adminostater looks astounded.

Adminostater: wow u made teh spel chekr stop

The spell checker starts buzzing again.

Gaurdian: Make it stop!

The spell checker is silent once more. While the adminostater and the gaurdian try to figure out how the spell checker works, Stughalf enters the forum. A ferret scampers along behind him.

Stughalf: Excuse me, but can you give me directions to the Spiderweb Software Message Board? I know it's nearby.

1337 h4x0r: 291|)35\/\/38 12 3\/11

Stughalf: What?

Slartucker enters.

Slartucker: Oh, Nine-Headed Cave Cow. Not another forum composed entirely of noobs. Stughalf! What are you doing here?

Stughalf: I could ask you the same question. I came here to get directions back to Spiderweb.

Slartucker: I can give you those. First, you...

Two noobs watch Slartucker and Stughalf talk for a moment.

Noob One: shold we tel teh adminostater

Noob Two: no

Noob One: wat shold we do insted

Noob Two: creat a topic!

Noob One: abot wat

Noob Two: i dont no abot watevr

Noob One: good idea! we only hav ten ov tehm rite now!

The two noobs wander off to create the topic.

Slartucker: ...and then you're there.

Stughalf: Thanks for the directions. Now, what are you doing here?

Slartucker: I'm looking for a place to start another Church of the Nine-Headed Cave Cow.

Stughalf: Church of the Nine-Headed Cave Cow?

Slartucker: Yes. It's very cowerful and mooving. In fact...

Slartucker stops speaking as a fluffy turtle enters the forum. The fluff bristles in all directions as the turtle narrows its eyes and charges at Slartucker at a speed previously unknown to fluffy turtles.

Slartucker: Never mind. I've got to run.

Slartucker runs across the forum with the fluffy turtle in hot pursuit. Slartucker loops around the adminostater and gaurdian.

Gaurdian: hay its a new person!

Adminostater: quik! get him!

The spell checker continues to buzz. Slartucker runs past Stughalf.

Stughalf: Why is that fluffy turtle out of the fluffy turtle pit and why is it so angry at you?

Slartucker: Well, it seems that being shoved into a box that is later detonated doesn't do much to improve a fluffy turtle's mood. And when...

Slartucker runs by the 1337 h4x0r.

1337 h4x0r: 4|-||-||-||-|!!1 |\|07 4|\|07|-|35 0|\|3!!1

The 1337 h4x0r runs away from the fluffy turtle. Slartucker runs by the two noobs.

Noob Two: we hav a new topic

Noob One: yea!

The fluffy turtle rips the topic to shreds as it passes. The adminostater raises the spell checker to throw at Slartucker.

Gaurdian: maeby we dont want him if taht turtl is wiht him

The spell checker continues to buzz ineffectively. Slartucker runs by Stughalf again.

Slartucker: ...Arancaytar and I trapped it on the other side of a mirror, it decided to direct all its anger at us. Or at least at me, since it hasn't come across Arancaytar again yet.

Stughalf: But how did it find you?

Slartucker: I don't know. It just showed up a while back. I haven't been able to shake it off my trail yet.

The fluffy turtle cuts Slartucker off as he loops around the adminostater and gaurdian again.

Slartucker: Moove slowly!

The fluffy turtle is immediately slowed to a crawl. Slartucker runs by Stughalf again.

Slartucker: Bye!

Slartucker exits. The fluffy turtle quickly regains its speed and follows.

Adminostater: he got away!

Gaurdian: look theres another one

The gaurdian points to Stughhalf.

Adminostater: ill get him

The adminostater aims the spell checker at Stughalf.


The 1337 h4x0r plows into the adminostater, knocking it to the ground.

Stughalf: No point in hanging around here. Guess I'd better go.

Stughalf exits. The ferret exits right behind him.

Gaurdian: o no he got away

The adminostater stands up.

Adminostater: at tihs rate another one wil sho up

Gaurdian: adn?

Adminostater: ill b redy wen he or she dos

The adminostater stands by the entrance of the message board, ready to bean anyone who enters.