A Cautionary Tale Of Fake IDs

I used to do very stupid things in the name of going out dancing when I was in my younger years.

I blame it on coming of age in an era where house music was really, really good and I listened to songs like this all the time:
So, given that track, you understand why I might do incredibly stupid things in the pursuit of going dancing, right? Because believe me, when I say I did stupid things, I mean VERY stupid.
I did stupid stuff like dancing all night and then riding the train home by myself at 4 am... and then walking from the El station to my apartment all alone, all while listening to house music on my headphones. But I never ever ever did the type of short-sighted idiocy that could've sent me to jail. Never ever ever ever. Never. Ever.

I can't say the same for my, cough, friend, Lena.

You see, Lena recently became Facebook friends with the woman she gave her fake ID to in her senior year of college.

Back when Lena gave "May" that ID, Lena had just turned 21 and didn't need it anymore so she figured it was her civic duty to pass it on to someone who was worthy. Lena knew exactly how it felt to be totally sick of borrowing someone else's grainy passport and hoping the bouncer at the club wouldn't look too closely at the photo.

When Lena gave May the ID, May said something like, "Wow, this is a really good fake ID! Where'd you get it?"

And so Lena shared the story of how it wasn't actually a fake. It was the real, genuine thing, issued by the State of Illinois.

Lena was totally tired of trekking downtown and getting denied admittance to China Club, Shelter and Kaboom just because there'd be some overzealous bouncer who'd say, "Baby, that ain't you!" when she'd show someone else's ID. Lena decided she needed something with her picture on it.

Next thing you know, a month after Lena turned 19, she took a friend's social security card and gas bill downtown to the State of Illinois building. She'd been instructed to go on the first or last Friday of the month right at the end of the day because that's when it would be most crowded and the workers would be the most stressed and eager to just get you out of their face!

Lena stood in line for maybe an hour or so... and in that time looked at signs that threatened five years of prison or a $50,000 fine if you tried anything illegal.

When it was her turn, she paid $12 for a state ID, gave them the gas bill as proof of residence, wrote her signature like the signature on the social security card and smiled for the camera.

And then Lena officially had an ID that had her face on it but said she was someone else who was 21!

Wow, it's a good thing Lena didn't caught though... and gosh, I don't know if she could pull that off nowadays. I mean, with all the Homeland Security stuff out there, there's no way. I think Lena would've had to suffer through not seeing the best Chicago DJs spin the hottest techno, trance and house the world had to offer.

That sure would've been a shame.


Yes your friend could be in major trouble if she tried to pull that I.D scam now. How times have changes. :)

That is track is one of my favorites. I had a good time in the 80s.
Anonymous said…
I think it would be way harder to get away with that now!
Liz Dwyer said…
Yes, I don't see how there's any way that could be done now in the era of thumb prints being required and all that. Oh well. And I loved that song. Still do. It never gets old.

Yep, nowadays there's probably a digital image stored on a computer so when you go back to get an ID, that pops up.
Mamita Umita said…
Hey, I was one of those who used the fake ID to get into China Club with you, LOL!!!
DJ Black Adam said…
Royal House - sigh - Though I love Todd Terry and Masters at Work now, I'll admit I was a bit peeved at their sampled remake of Marshall Jefferson's "Move your Body", it kinda signaled to me that the dominance of Chicago style house was giving way to NYC's return to the leaders of underground music :-(

Still a great track though.
Ian Lidster said…
Our past sins can catch up with us, as countless politicians have found. I hope I've atoned for all of mine, but a body can never be certain.
A few years ago a friend had his 20 year old 'son' show up at his door. A son he didn't know existed. Stating the case mildly his wife was severely pissed, even though they hadn't been together at the time of the conception.
Anonymous said…
I guess the procedures must have really tightened up since then so it wouldn't be possible any more. Of course if you're really desperate for fake ID, I'm sure there are plenty of wide boys out there who could oblige for the right price. In the UK fake documents are readily obtainable and remarkably convincing.
Liz Dwyer said…
Oh yes! Gosh, the days of seeing Mike "Hitman" Wilson spinning live there. That place was so full of life and fun, and now it's just condos. Glad we got a little slice of it all before that whole scene ended.

I hated that remake. It was just not the business. But other than that, I've liked a lot of Todd Terry stuff. Plus, if he hadn't remixed Everything But The Girl's "Missing"... it wouldn't have been such a hit and I might never have gotten so into them. So I bow down to him for that! :)

I suppose they do catch up. I sure hope there's a statute of limitations on that one though. :) As far as showing up on the doorstep, that JUST happened to someone I know. The girl is 16 and is the spitting image of him too.

True, and back in the day, I'm sure it was possible to find IDs from folks too. But to have one that was completely fool proof is a whole other deal. If you get one from the State and it has your face on it, you can NEVER be turned away!
Jameil said…
WOW!!!! That is crazy! My sophomore year a friend who had already graduated told me my mission was to get a fake i.d. before the end of the year. lol. so funny. and no i didn't get one.
Toni Campbell said…
OMG! I used to love that song (and The Jungle Brothers' Girl I'll House You)! Fortunately I was in college when I was a "house-head" in a state w/ a really low drinking age. I was just telling a (younger) co-worker the other day that we went to the club to dance and it was so serious we took towels w/ us! LOL! Nobody was thinking about being cute!
Liz Dwyer said…
My friend didn't turn 21 till halfway thru her senior year so it would've been a LONG four years. Plus, she's not a drinker, just a dancer so she rationalized it that way! ;)

I still love it! It is timeless. LOL about bringing in a towel! I heard that! Nowadays at clubs girls have on dresses so short they look like long t-shirts and heels so high that they can barely move. They don't know what they're missing.
That was the jam! Along with "You Used to Hold Me" and "I'll House You" and a bunch of other cool songs from that time.
Mes Deux Cents said…
Hi Liz,

I hear that these days you can get amazing fake State ID's on many street corners. The only thing they are missing is the electronic stuff States embed in the ID's.

And when I was a teen I took the subway home from the city to Queens at 3 or 4 am many times by myself. I get scared just thinking back on that now. Yikes.
the last noel said…
Your friend went through all that trouble for a fake ID? I made mine in shop class.
Liz Dwyer said…
Yep, it still makes me wanna dance all around. Such a great song.

Yes, riding home on the train late at night alone is something I would NOT do again. Young and dumb as they say. I'll bet you can get IDs on the corner these days. You just have to know the right street corner and be willing to figure all that out.

Mmm hmm... a great writer AND you know how to make fake IDs in shop class...
Unknown said…
Ahhhh ~ those were the days!

I, luckily, was my sister during those years! We look alike and well, she was a good sport! Hmmm, now who was the governor back then??? Hahaaa...

I'd give anything to be stalking John Cusak at the Gingerman, dancing at the "Underground", Shelter, Medusas, Kabooms, and there was this great little club on Clark near Fullerton where the Djs name was Richard, and then having "breakfast" at the Melrose, Beldens or Clarks ~ we sure lived the life!
Anonymous said…
Wow! Lena was bold!
Shiona said…
I did this on accident. I lost my license so I went to get a new one and then found the old one later. I used to give it to this girls for like $10 a night. That thing had my social security number on it and everything. How stupid is that? Thank goodness times have changes b/c that totally saved me. Gosh I don't know what I was thinking?
Anonymous said…
*sigh* I wish I would have been old enough to wear a bra, let alone have a fake ID to go to clubs in Chicago during that awesome time frame.

Yeah, no way could that fly today.
Liz Dwyer said…
Gosh, I probably saw you at Melrose at some point. I practically lived in there. I was in there so much that I didn't even have to order... they just brought what I always got. I miss that bowl of jellybeans that were on the counter next to the register. There was nothing better than leaving Shelter at 4 or 5 am and then taking the train to Belmont, getting off, eating breakfast and then going home to crash. Sigh, those WERE the days!

Bold and with single-minded focus on being able to go dancing. ;)

Wow, charging $10 a night to use an ID??? Get that paper! LOL! But yes, with the rise in identity theft, I don't know if folks would just hand over a gas bill and social security card like that.

Haha! You are too funny. It was a fabulous time frame though. I suppose every generation has their time and place that's equally special, but that one was just something extra.

Popular Posts