Sorry. Your toddler ain’t Einstein


I understand no parent is going to say to their friends that “My child is as thick as a whale omelette”………… But when pointing to their offspring gurgling “car” while pointing at the family pet, why do parents always say “Isn’t he lovely? But did you know little Tommy is very advanced for his age…….” Just because your nipper can insert a spoon of apple puree into his mouth instead of an ear, does not necessarily mark him out as a future brain surgeon. There is a long way to go from sitting in your own pooh to sitting in your own Porsche.

...and another thing

On the subject of over promoting your kids……the only thing worse than having them on your web page is having them on your answer service. I don’t really want to explain to the voice of a toddler that I cannot make dinner due to a recurring bout of Montezuma’s revenge. I don’t get a three year old to leave friends my messages, so I don’t want to talk to one, even if it’s on the answer service.

...and another thing

The only child depicted on a Christmas card should be in a straw bed surrounded by livestock, itinerant farm workers and three overdressed blokes bearing gifts; two of which nobody knows what they are

“Oh lovely Frankincense and Myrrh. Shall I get a vase for them”?

Christmas cards are not an excuse to trot out a family CV to people you haven’t bothered to talk to for a year.  People are not hugely interested to discover that Jemima had a 6 hour pogo stick marathon for in aid of charity, Doug has got over his acne problem and you and your husband did a macrame course.

And yes, I have kids of my own, adore them…..and they are very advanced for their age….but I put the dogs on our Christmas cards! My friends will never talk to me again!


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  1. Avatar Magda says:

    Inconsciously the miroring effect between parents and their children …? Maybe because when someone is not too happy about his / her life, or too proud of what he/she has done in the past these parents have the tendency to see the “natural” progress of their kids as a genius move 😉
    Obviously for the majority of us our children are our best creation, but there can only be One Einstein, or maybe One Einstein in each family or generation 😉

  2. Avatar Joanna Welldon says:

    …We so love your Christmas cards!

  3. Avatar lis katavic says:

    I love your dogs on the xmas cards you send us!! Especially the paw prints.

  4. Avatar Gladys Cooney says:

    I love it. It is very funny.