Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The Purplepole Warbler

Look at this. Do you see? This is from a bird book. I really don't want to associate Blackpoll Warblers with such graphic imagery...that's just fucked. How is this a published thing? Do you not see what I'm talking about?  Here, let me show you.

Yeah. That's a big, raging, (apparently circumcised) purple boner, complete with arrows that demonstrate migration...the migration of HUMAN SPERM. Just look at this thing. I'm surprised they didn't draw some big veins in there too. I knew there was something odd about this bird guide....and that something is a big...gnarly...weiner.

There are a limited number of situations that can explain how this thing came to be published for an audience of one of the most sexless subcultures in the world...either it is a perfectly crafted inside joke by whoever did the maps (if so, good on ya), or no one involved with getting this book out had the ability to recognize the most glaring phallus possible. Knowing birders, I reckon the latter situation is more likely.

So...any publishing companies want me to review a book? It's been a while.

A fall Blackpoll Warbler is a good thing. A pure thing. I really like them, despite the fact they are barely a rare bird here in autumn. I do not want my mental image of them to be polluted by massive, discolored erections. The only DICK I am excited about seeing in a field guide is a Dickcissel, know what I'm saying? Zing! Thanks to Natarie for providing the bird porn for this post.


  1. Maybe it was a freudian thing, like the person making the range map image is really, really attracted to Blackpool warblers?

    Anyhow I am glad that all of these things exist.

  2. Hahaha. It looks like a dick. Hahahahaha.

  3. I tried to comment from my phone once but looks like I FAIL ... Let's try again.

    Pretty epic, but that's a sad looking sack. Maybe with global warming it will expand its range into Montana and the Dakotas and fill it out a bit more.

  4. In the right conditions, they might expand their range.

  5. Huh. Perhaps it's suggesting that if the Blackpole Warblers are fed Viagra, they would migrate to the Arctic?

  6. Yes, I noticed this in my guide and the authors even animated the blackpoll map with moving arrows on their site...not sure if that video is still live

  7. yep, it is still there under maps intro!