Suicide prevention

  • My 15 year old grandson tried to kill himself last night in front of his sister. He threatened his mom that he would and she told him to go ahead and he did. He tried to strangle himself.
    Moms birthday is July 14, 1981. Jake's is Oct. 28, 2003 and his sisters is Jan. 3, 2006. Mine is May 8, 1960. Is there anyway to help him not do this in the future? Did this put a scar on his sister for life? Is this his chosen path? I feel so scared and lost as to what to do for each one of them. Someone did call the cops and 6 cop cars showed up and they took him to hospital, which did release him back to mom several hours later. We have had two suicides in our family in the past years. Thank you

  • Jake has a deep need to cultivate more calm, security, and stability in his life. He is an innately passionate, intense person with unhealthy energy that, as you have seen, can go to destructive extremes. He can easily confuse depth for drama. It’s a sign that he's not truly fulfilled or happy inside, or he wouldn’t have to stir up such emotional storms in his life (likely on a regular basis). His life is a constant emotional battlefield, in some way. This likely stems from some sort of abuse (not necessarily sexual or physical) and emotional pain. Maybe he has been horribly let down by someone he trusted or knows. He may be being bullied or harassed at school. There needs to be some sort of counselling or intervention because, without it, Jake can become hooked on the crises and the dramas. He can turn into an 'intensity junkie' because he doesn't know how else to live. Life for him may become like a constant Shakespearean tragedy, with little time to breathe or relax. Just when he thinks he can relax, he fears that the rug may be pulled out right from under him. He needs to learn he has power in his situation and is not helpless. He needs to get out of himself and get more into the outside world and into life and other people. He may make the mistake of thinking that he will be truly fulfilled by delving deeply into himself all the time. But staying in his room and brooding will do nothing but feed his obsession with the darkness within himself. If he is full of fear and mistrust, maybe helping him feel more powerful - by learning martial arts or self-defence, for example - could help. But whatever you do, his life needs to become much more safe and secure and the source of his problem discovered and removed before he will be able to relax and feel better.

  • PS his mother's action plan may be to withdraw herself emotionally or physically to try and think things through, while his sister may put on a nonchalant or cool face that hides what she is really feeling. You will have to be the efficient practical one who gets everyone organized onto the right path to help Jake.

  • I am trying to provide him some stability, constant unconditional love and trying to be there for him. Everything you said makes sense to me. I am grateful for the advise and will be work in process to try and help him. Mom did not want him when he was in her womb. Could this have started all his problems in this life. He is not a bad kid. He had potential, but knows he is not loved as much as the other two. He had been in foster home since he was 5 or 6 and lived out of town of which was a couple of hours drive. He came home in foster care for a couple of years. Stayed with us for a couple of months and went to be with mom at 13 years old. .Mom has no spouse and has a older son in college that is the apple of her eye and Jake looks up to him and idolizes him. He constantly tries for moms love and approval as also with us. My husband and I will be married 21 years this August, which shoes him some stability and he is grandpa's favorite grandkids. He has several personality disorders which the department of children and the counselors say he learned and is not a lasting mental issue. Which he reminds me of the kids that if they say they are going to shoot or hurt you, he would do it. He did not go to normal school until he lived with us and only went to 2 classes a day for 1 year. The last month he started going full time and won the most improved student of the year. He does well in school and sports, yes I feel he is sometimes made fun of and bullied. He vouches for the students saying they are his friends. I could tell you so much more about him. He loves me, but is always saying he is sorry for being rude or angry to me. He is so normal at times and seems like a old soul. He spends a lot of time here. Well thank you for listening. I lost a cousin and a second cousin that I helped deliver into life, my brother tried to do suicide out of town a month ago and now this. It is making me think about them and what I could have or should have done, or that nothing was for me to do. Anyway thank you very much for the time you took to help me. God Bless

  • @juliem48, this boy seems to be doing everything he can to get the love and attention he never got when younger. He was emotionally abused by his mother who was very negligent of her responsibility to him as a parent. This boy needs to get into some sort of self-defense course if he is being bullied - perhaps the local police force runs some sort of youth training club? He must be kept so busy and have such a full life that he does not have time to brood on how bad his young life has been. If his present life is filled with love, the past can hopefully be put behind him. He desperately needs domestic stability, steadiness and security as he must be so afraid it will all be taken away from him at any time.

    If you want to give me your brother's date of birth, I can try to figure out why he wants to kill himself.

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  • @thecaptain Monte's birthday is June 9, 1961. Thank you

  • @juliem48 Monte must be very like you in many ways. He can drift and dream without really accomplishing anything. He waits for a bountiful Higher Power - or just someone else to come save him and solve all his problems. Then when nothing happens, he feels like dying is the only answer. but he has to take back control of his life and be more realistic. he cannot rely on someone else - he has to work things out for himself and get his own stuff together. In other words, he has to become an adult and stop hoping for someone else to do the work for him. His ability to gloss over other people’s faults and wrongdoings can make him a magnet for all sorts of toxic, abusive, dysfunctional, or just plain disappointing individuals and relationships. he has to take a good long look at his life. If he can stop and say, “No, no. This is messed up”, he’ll be strengthening his acute vision. It can feel very painful to hear the 'stained-glass illusion' he may have of someone else or a situation in his life shatter. But, this is the path that he needs to take in order to figure out how to deal with a person or a situation. Inside him, Monte wants to fix and to correct his life. But, he cannot do that unless he stops to truly figure out what needs fixing and correcting. Keeping a journal for all of his observations, ideas, and thoughts would be perfect for this work.

  • @thecaptain this sounds a lot like him and yes we are both alike
    We were both abused and neglected in our youth. I think he still holds bad feelings towards mom in this. I don't as much, but she still treats me bad, it hurts sometimes more than I want to reflect on. I realized her being an invalid by her choice is how she lases out at me. I do not coddle her or tell her un truths, nor does Monte, which is why she does not like us as well. Monte refuses to to go see her, while I try to once a week and try to keep her in supply of her favorite snacks and drinks in the nursing home. Him and I have grown up very close and still are. He is a vet, diagnosed with ptsd and does seems very angry at times and recently went through a divorce as well as he quit drinking. He was a social alcoholic and lost a 15 year old son to hard alcohol. At times he is a joker and pulls pranks on anyone who fall for it. He hates living here and is planning to move with my other brother this summer, he is not sure where, but had a few places in mind. I will miss him very much, but I understand he needs this change. He is so lucky at times that whenever life bumps him he comes out like a rose. In this way we are different, as I work for everything and am very unlucky at times. I try not to dwell on it. I will try to suggest your ideas to him and see if he is receive or not. Thank you.

  • @juliem48 would a reading about your mother help you and Monte understand her better?

    Perhaps the reason why you and Monte find it hard to cope in the world is because you never got the proper mothering you needed when young, and are still waiting for a 'parent' to take charge for you.

  • @thecaptain it cannot hurt. Hers is Jan 2, 1942. I believe as she turned 77 this year as she had me when she was 18. Our stability was our grandparents, they had been together since they were 16 or 19 and they took us places and to school events. Watched us sing and play ball. They were the ones that taught us a lot. Mom did things too but I was the oldest and ended up being more of a parent and do not know about being a kid and doing anything for run such as games. Life was serious for me. I always tried to protect Monte as he was always in trouble. Grandma has been gone 20 some years and I think grandpa is 12 or so. Our real father died 2 years ago and mom divorced him when I was 6, she got pregnant by him to try and keep him, but it did not work.
    She had several boyfriends, some live in and others not.. She married Johns and had him, he was cruel and mean to me and Monte and favored Sonya, even though she was not his. After a couple of years she left him and we all moved in with grandparents. She worked nights and met Cynthia's dad, married and had her. This dad did not like me, Monte or John until we were out on our own. He molested Sonya and Cynthia and mom was told, but did not believe them and stayed with him. After a few years he died, Sonya had forgiven him but his only daughter did not. Mom got on internet dating and met a Canadian and left to be with him, after a couple of years gone they moved here. Mom had to ship him back due to illness that medicine cost over 1000. 00 a day here. He died after 7 months. Mom was sad and had Cynthia and her family move in. After I think 2 years did had her moved to nursing home from hospital stay. She got the house free and clear from mom. Sonya is well off and did not need it. Monte was not here and seemed to be doing well with his business that is now gone. John lives with Cynthia and I struggle on my own. I told mom she should get the house as it was her dad that remodeled it. It has more problems today than I think it is worth. My mom was her daddy's girl and her mom did not like her and treated her accordingly. Mom never did get over my dad for years. I never seen him until I was 21 and he really still did not act like my dad, Monte lived with him for a few years. John has never had anything to do with his dad. So here is a short long story. Pun. I don't know if any of this will help. I have often though about writing a true story of life as I knew it, but never have yet. I feel that if I did, it would be a cleansing. Monte could read it and write his version and it would help him to heal. I would not write it for print but for our own private reading. What do you think about this? Well it is getting late here, so enjoy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and that whatever the spirits tell you. Can you tell me what my spirit guides name is? If I wanted to try to channel, would this be the spirit I would work with? Or would it be any spirit that comes through? Would it be best to write things down at first to see if I come out with right information? Just thinking about it. Thank you

  • @juliem48 it is certainly easy to publish a book yourself these days. Why not ask everyone to write one chapter- their version of events so that they could feel included?

    I don't know your guide's name as they change as often as you change, They prefer to be anonymous and want you to focus instead on their message rather than the messenger. Just like you get new teachers in school when you move up a year. Yes I think writing things down would help greatly.

  • You, Monte and your mother are all very alike, though you might not see it.

    Your mother has felt like a victim most of her life. She has always wanted someone to look after her and solve all her problems for her. But this was a lifetime when she was meant to solve all her own problems ans issues by being practical and working hard instead of being a dreamer with a very vivid imagination. She can be very anti-social, sensitive, moody and indecisive. Yet she could have used her intuition to help her out because it is very strong in her. But she preferred to look for a big strong man to save her. Naturally since this is supposed to be a lifetime of getting her act together, this strategy was doomed to fail. For your mother, love holds mystery and magic. She wanted to be carried away by passion, but it also scared her, which is why she often felt indecisive and uncommitted. Her generous and loyal nature meant that she stayed for too long in relationships that were not going anywhere. Eventually, her failure to find the magical love affair she dreamed of left her bitter and disillusioned. Playing the role of the martyr as well as the victim, indulging in patterns of endless self-sacrifice, she was supposed to be selfless and kind and unconditionally loving. But she failed to create strong boundaries, for others as well as for herself. Just as she was terribly deceived and taken advantage of, she also could be very deceptive and a sponge toward others. Because she never really got her act together, she is always someone who was in need, taking the charity of other people in one way or another. Instead of learning to help herself, she is more than willing to be helped, particularly because she never knew how to insist that others help themselves, either. It is a pity because, with a little self-discipline and motivation, your mother could have had a very happy life.

  • @thecaptain thank you for this information.

  • I've noticed there seems to be a repeating pattern in your family that needs to be broken, where the mother doesn't love or want her children and they grow up with various emotional problems that get passed on to their children.

  • @thecaptainhow does one break a pattern such as this? I thought that I raised my two girls good with being single, but they now tell me I did not do very well. They both have been single for long time with no desire for a spouse. Angie is the mother of Jake and Cyanna still at home and Eli who just finished 1st year of college. I think I gave you her birthday and Audra, the oldest with two children grown up and on their own while one still at home.
    Travis and Brook and a younger child named Hannah that she recently lost to explain in court for her part in drug and bad company. The went to arbitration and settled and ex. is keeping her until Audra can get her life straighten out. She currently got a job at a get a way in the woods called Lake of the Woods. She is staying up there while working and seems very lonely and depressed. She is having problems with employees and management, like she does at every job. Her oldest had a baby last Feb. and will not let her see him. So as I read this over, you are right, there is a bad pattern, how do I change this, or it to late for me and something each one should handle. It just seems like there is a lot of bad luck in our family that was not always like this. Audra's birthday is June 17, 1977 and Angie's is July 14, 1981. I forgot to mention that neither one of these girls have anything to do with the other, the one hates the other. This was exactly like my mom and her sister while I was growing up. Let me know if there is something I can do. Thank you

  • @juliem48, there is no such thing as random bad luck - everything that happens to us is a result of our good or bad life choices and decisions. We have to own responsibility for that - that is what being an adult is. We cannot blame outside forces. Perhaps your family needs a big get-together where everyone gets to air their grievances without fear of reprisals? The toxic atmosphere in your family needs to be opened up and healed. Communication and sharing feelings, no matter how painful, is the answer. Keeping emotions under wrap only leads to explosions and extreme actions.

  • Dear The Captain: Please, do you see any future husband for either one of my daughters? Thank you

  • @juliem48 what are their first names and birthdates?

  • @thecaptain Audra Nelson, June 17, 1977. Angie Nelson, July 14, 1981. Both have been married once and divorced. They both seem as if they want a mate, but second thought: they can raise their kids without a mate and they do not need someone as they can do it themselves. I feel as though Audra needs a mate to make her whole and complete. She is highly attracted to bad men. Her features are she is short, a little wide, blond hair and blue eyes. She likes to sleep a lot, is a good cook and can keep a clean organized house when she wants to. She would rather work outside than inside. She is a waitress currently, but would like to get back into working in the office. She does not keep her jobs or houses for very long. She became a grandma in Feb. and her son will not let her see him. Her oldest daughter never contacts her and her youngest daughter is now living with her dad. Audra reminds me of my mom, that everything she does is for her fun or benefit and that the kids come second. Angie seems to me as though she would rather not have anyone, most of the time, acting like she would rather be a hermit or loner on one way of life. The other way she acts as if she is lesbian or bi sexual. Her features are short, nice rounded body, brown natural curly hair and Hazel eyes. She seems to be no polar or have mental health issues or something else. She does not like to work inside or outside, somewhat of a lazy demeanor. When she works, she keeps her job for several years and changes her field when she changes jobs. She has lived in the same dumpy trailer, her real dad gave her, some she became separated from her first live in mate. Angie's kids all seem to love her and want to be with her unless she is on a bad mood or tired. She works graveyard and is trying to get off this shift, but she is tired most of the time. I love being around my girls as they are different as night and day, but they have rifts in life that hinder the family being together. I hope this does not last forever and they will mature. This is an insight in them, so hopefully you can help me. Maybe you will let me know if I am right, wrong or so, so. I really appreciate you and see that you help a lot of people. Thank you so much. God Bless!

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