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Shooting People

Know any great jokes about film or filmmakers?

I'm sure that, even on low budget productions, you have experiences that are worth relating. Some of these are incredibly funny to listen to, even if painful to hear. (As Chaplin said, life is a tragedy in close up, but a comedy in wide shot.)

It used to be that the jobs section here was worth a look, just because it was so funny. Now, it's better moderated, so even though the pay is often terrible, the jobs aren't as funny sounding.

We all know the old tired jokes, "Who is the associate producer mean? He's the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer." Or the ones told in books by screenwriters about agents. Or, maybe we don't.

Sometimes, on nanobudget stuff, I have some wonderful cast and crew who keep us entertained with silly antics between takes. I wish I'd remembered all those, some of the most memorable were merely impressions so lose something on paper.

Can you think of any filmmaker / filmmaking jokes that made you laugh recently?

  • Lampooning preposterous requests from Walter Mitty proposers or the downright exploititive always helps raise feelings of outrage to the joy of levity.

    2 years ago
  • "We'll fix it in post"
    "This is post"

    2 years ago
  • Once was obliged by an awkward client to use an individual who was lauded to be a professional broadcast cameraman. When the feller complained that he needed to send a camera back to the engineers because the back focus was out it was embarrassing, but also amusing.

    2 years ago
  • I saw a Post guy once who had a T-shirt that said: "We're fix it on set."

    2 years ago
  • How many DOP's does it take to change lightbulb? None. Its fine how it is. How many Directors does it take to change a lightbulb? What do you think? How many Producers does it take to change a lightbulb? Do we need a lightbulb? How many Gaffers does it take to change a lightbulb? Gaffers don't change lightbulbs. It goes on and on...

    2 years ago
  • Thanks y'all. I forgot another one, that my first instructor said (he was a cinematographer who let me use his super 8 camera. He said he'd let me use his super 16 when I learned to storyboard properly.):

    "When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with the money, and the man with money leaves with experience."

    Not just film, of course, but he related this to raising money for movies, and to be wary of those with experience. He said quite a bit more, but the rest of it wasn't as funny.

    2 years ago
  • This is a well known twist on an old one.

    A painter needs a canvas. A writer needs a pen. A Director needs an army. But few can manage one.

    2 years ago
  • Actor: My showreel is boring, how can I edit it to spice things up?
    Editor: Cut to a better actor.

    2 years ago