I would paint flaming bunnies on the side.

As I was checking my email just now, I stumbled across a spam message with the subject line, "Guide to Cabinet Racing." Immediately, I pictured myself in a set of kitchen cabinets, speeding down an asphalt hill somewhere, moments away from an inevitable and splintery doom. I could imagine discussing the benefits of oak or cherry with fellow racers after a regional tournament. Perhaps sponsors could show their support with novelty handles and hinges and such. I imagine this sort of thing would be big in Norway.

It was only after all these amazing dreams that I realized that the subject line actually said "Refacing." I am officially the biggest disappointment in my own day.