What Does it Mean to be Free?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like

to evaporate into the air,

transform into a molecule of oxygen and join the rush of wind

as it enters my house through an open window,

flowing past me in a wave of ecstasy,

before rushing out again.

I wonder what it would be like to fly,


But not just to feel the breeze,

to be the breeze,

leaving everyone I pass in a state of bliss.


my own little universe in my own tiny molecule,


the collective expanse of air that makes up our atmosphere.


and go anywhere I wanted,

not rooted to any spot,

not bound by the limitations of geography

or the human body.

I wonder what it would feel like

to own this world.

All my life I have felt unanchored,

adrift at sea,

and uncomfortable,

in a way that disturbed me when I was growing up.

The fact of the matter is,

I’m still growing up.

I used to spend each day

trying to figure out why I felt this way,


the walls of my house,

knowing that I was loved

knowing that I was taken care of.

Why wasn’t that enough for me?

Now I’m starting to think


I was meant to be free,

I just never understood how.

Why would I want to hold on so fiercely to things,

to relationships,

to moments,

to concepts of home,

that are all just constructs of my imagination,

none of them permanent?

No matter how precious they are to me,

I have no control over any of them.

In fact, I have no control over anything.

And that’s why I need to learn to be okay

with just being that free-floating molecule of air,

whether I’m lying stagnant on a hot summer’s day

or whipping about in a fevered frenzy,


in what feels like a catastrophic storm.

I have no control over what happens in this world.




reassuring and ephemeral,

beautiful yet banal.

I need to learn to let go.

I need to learn to let go

and just enjoy the ride.

Maybe then being unanchored will feel more like freedom.

I am larger than what my body allows me to be.

I am a force of nature, bursting at the seams,

as if I’m trying to get out,

not out of this world, mind you,

but, out of my body.

I’ve always known that there was something precious inside me –

inside all of us –

but for years, I hid it away like a dirty secret

under all these layers of my own making

and now that I’m trying to strip away those layers

and tear down those walls,

that sparkling and buoyant Being is expanding inside of me.

It wants to grow larger than humanly possible.


It wants to break free,


but it’s not.

At least, it doesn’t have to be.

It’s only a prison if I allow it to be one.


which will help me experience what it’s like to be human,

to experience pain and pleasure and everything in between

the way only a human can.

But this growing Being inside of me

isn’t quite content with this arrangement.

It wants to be free.

Of what, I’m not sure.

How can I be both a human of this world,


at the same time?

One foot here and one foot there.

How can I be in two different places at once,

two different beings in one?

Please help me

to be both human and spirit at the same time,

to find the balance to float freely between worlds,



and to be okay with it.

I long for the truth,

but I don’t need to know it all,

at least not yet.



as enormous as the Earth itself,

as inexhaustible as the universe.


Why can’t I be something greater?


with the universe inside of me?

10 thoughts on “What Does it Mean to be Free?

  1. Nida, you have captured so much in this beautiful poem. It is also a diary about growing up. To be free is to belong but you must choose to belong, that is freedom, choosing to belong without fear, without coercion, without compulsion. The separation of us from our bodies is also beautifully expressed. Real freedom comes when we learn to manage our bodies, rather than allow our bodies to manage us.
    Keep up the good work, lots of love, Baba

    Liked by 2 people

    • What do you mean by “everything”? Surely, not love, compassion and wonder. A dependence on material things, yes. A desire for fame, money or power, yes. Those are things I can let go of. Dependency on people is a bit harder. But love and dependency are not the same thing. Thank you for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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