The four stages of getting sick: ill pill bill and will

Some doctors charge so much they should be called Feesycians

Patient: Doctor what s good for excessive wind? Doctor: A kite

Doctor: Madam your cheque came back Woman: So did my arthritis

Why are dentists always broke? Because they live from hand to mouth

My dentist makes the best false teeth They re so lifelike they even ache

Patient: How much longer do I have? Doctor: Ten Patient: Ten What? Doctor: Nine

Doctor: You ll live to be 70 Patient: I am 70 Doctor: See what did I tell you?

Patient: Doctor doctor I m addicted to Twitter Patient: Sorry I don t follow you

A woman saying I am not mad at you is like a dentist saying You won t feel a thing

Patient: I feel so sick I wish I could die Doctor: Don t worry I ll take care of that

One quarter of what we eat keeps us alive The other three quarters keep our doctors alive

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

Patient: I have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors Doctor: Why didn t you come to me earlier?

Why is it that you wait 6 weeks for a doctor s appointment and then he says I wish you d come to me sooner ?