Lifting that smile…

Too long have I worn that lazy excuse on my face.
The smile facing outwards towards the onlooking world. That mask that hides any of my inner emotions, the shield that guards against any unwarranted attention. It seems like a lonely way to live, but really it is my only defense against any broken hearts towards people I loved. It’s my only approach against misplacing my utmost trust towards familial friends. Too many times have I been left out in the cold, too many times I’ve been wondering why…

Ever since my high school years, I’ve lived away from home. Because of that, I’ve mostly spent my time with friends and have treated them like family. Actually, thinking back now, more so than my immediate family at the time. I gave them my time, my attention, and sometimes even my own money. You probably know where this story goes, and so like those stories, I was just as gullible. Only being able to learn about the world through one heartbreak or one mistrust at a time. It’s happened so many times, that the reaction has just became a natural habit. So over the years, without letting anybody in, it was difficult trying to make close friends. Simply put, I was just tired. Tired of living this kind of life. Tired of guarding my emotions having tried to piece back the broken pieces like the shattered eggshells sitting in the kitchen bin or that 2000 piece mosaic puzzle that’s still sitting on my table unfinished.

But more recently I had realized something. As they say, to make a cake you’ve gotta break some eggs. It takes trust to get trust in return and if you don’t risk getting hurt, then you wont get the opportunity to meet the very same people that think and feel the same way you would too. And through uncanny circumstance, that is how I gotten closer with YT and Oli as of late. It’s a nice feeling being able to feel that fuzziness of close friends after so long. I am thankful for myself of taking that chance again.

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