

Sen. Chuck Schumer has graciously extended an invitation to Donald Trump to appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee so the president can perjure himself. We bet he'll accept that 100%!

Jeff Sessions SAYS he'll appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee Tuesday, but we're wondering what kind of smarmy garbage he'll pull in order to dull the damage.

Republicans are nervously whispering that zombie TrumpCare/McConnellCare/WealthCare is dead (again) as GOP members in the House and Senate can't agree on how badly they could and should screw the poor.

Reince Priebus has until July 4th to fix the Trump Train or else he may be "You're Fired."

You all need to stop making fun of Marco Rubio and his retractable spine! Rubio is doing his best to at least ACT like he cares about something (other than himself), even if that means phoning in Trump-Russia questions.

RNC Chairwoman Rona Romney McDaniel wants to kill Trump-Russia investigations because "there's been no evidence," despite ALL the existing evidence from over a dozen different U.S. intelligence agencies.

LOLOLOL Lindsey Graham thinks Trump could "go down" because he can't shut up.

Jeff Sessions may be subpoenaed by his own Justice Department for a case involving former Sheriff Joe Arpaio's open defiance of an Arizona federal judge for racially profiling all the Messicans.

D.C. and Maryland attorneys general are expected to file suits alleging Donald Trump has violated anti-corruption clauses in the Constitution for taking Ameros from Not-America through his businesses. To build the case, the plaintiffs want to take a gander at his tax returns.

Trump's Justice Department is arguing it's totally legal to accept payments from foreign governments because the money paid to and for Trump-branded businesses was not intended to go to Trump. Also, George Washington, eagles, beer and boobies.

John McCain said he misses Obama in response to questions about Trump's foreign policy. So do we, WALNUTS, so do we.

Trump's Team plans on combating Trump-Russia by calling James Comey "a pussy" which shouldn't come as a surprise considering Trump's familiarity with sexual assault and character assassination.

Former U.S. attorney Preet Bharara went on teevee to talk about all the times Trump tried to pick him up like a common pee hooker hiding in a shady Moscow ally. [VIDEO]

Some idiots tried to ruin D.C.'s pride parade by claiming it had become too friendly to "corporate scum." There's no joke, these people are just stupid.

Dan Scavino's is Trump's tweeter-in-chief, and the one who's usually firing off insults as Trump screams at cable news in a stolen hotel bathrobe.

Carolyn Lerner is leaving the Office of Special Counsel, an ominous sign for whistle-blowers in the federal government.

Small groups of racist nutjobs gathered to protest Muslims over the weekend, but they were greeted by a colorful coalition of people who don't believe in drowning the First Amendment with cheap, watered-down beer.

Trump might cancel his U.K. trip because everyone hates him and Theresa May, too, but it's being denied by the White House and Downing Street. Intrigue!

Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny has been "detained" this morning after leading massive anti-corruption protests across Russia despite attempts by the Kremlin to silence the filthy proles.

We're bombing terrorists in Somalia after religious extremists began attacking U.S.-backed forces in Not America.

Puerto Rico voted for statehood in a symbolic, nonbinding referendum that will undoubtedly fall on the halls of Congress with a muted thud.

GOOD NEWS: Italy's Euroskeptics lost badly in mayoral elections, setting the stage for general elections next spring.

Princess Ivanka graced the groveling hosts of "Fox and Friends" to complain about how mean people are to her at all the fancy cocktail parties. Poor bleached-blonde snowflake.

Melon Trump has left behind her glass house in New York for a sweaty marble dungeon in Washington. Expect a sad reprise of the "Green Acres" theme.

Your late night wrap up is John Oliver explaining the UK elections because it's kind of important!

And here's your morning Nice Time! Jaguar Cubs!

HEY, give us money and we'll keep giving you all 'splainerings, dick jokes, and mommy blogging! Deal? OK GO!

Dominic Gwinn



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