© 2019 OBC

All Rights Reserved

Our Location

Oakland Baptist Church

600 E. Sunset Drive
Monroe, NC 28112

(704) 283-5656


Service Times

Sunday School 9:00AM

Sunday Worship 10:00AM

Wednesday Worship 6:30PM

12 Habits That Lead to Divorce

September 18, 2017






The 12 habits that lead to divorce are . . .


1. Constant Criticism






2. Dividing Everything Into “His” and “Hers”






3. Putting the Marriage “On Hold” While Raising Kids






4. Giving Each Other Your “Leftovers”


Some couples have what I call a “cable company marriage.” Have you ever noticed how Cable TV companies seem to give you their very best deals and service at the beginning of the relationship but then after the “introductory period” ends, they give you as little as possible to still keep you around? Some married couples were great at giving their best at the beginning of the relationship, but as time goes on, they start giving the leftovers. Strive to keep giving your best to each other. Grow deeper in your love, your respect and your friendship through all the seasons of marriage.


#5 is toxic and when it happens, neither spouse is going to have peace or happiness...


5. Holding Grudges and “Keeping Score”


If you’ve been married longer than 15 minutes, chances are good that your spouse has done something to offend you and you’ve done something to offend him/her. When our words or actions cause harm, we need to be quick to admit fault and seek forgiveness. When your spouse has wronged you, you need to offer grace quickly so that trust can start being rebuilt and there’s no room for bitterness to take root in your heart. Don’t use past hurts as ammunition in arguments. Let grace flow freely in your marriage. No marriage can survive without it.


#6 reveals the WORST thing to trust to advise choices in your marriage…


6. Trusting Your “Feelings” More Than Your Commitments


There are going to be days when you might not “feel” like being married, but feelings are fickle and they were never intended to be our primary advisor in major decisions. “Feelings” often lead people into adultery. The healthiest couples have discovered that love is a commitment; not just a feeling. Their commitment to each other perseveres regardless of what they’re feeling. The strength of that commitment allows them to have a deeper intimacy, a stronger connection and a happier marriage.


#7 happens with pride replaces thoughtfulness in the relationship…


7. Making Decisions Without Consulting Your Spouse


Our pride can often convince us that we don’t have to answer to anyone, and we should be able to make decisions without consulting anyone. Pride has been the downfall of so many marriages. The healthiest couples have learned that EVERY decision they make as individuals will have some level of impact on each other, so they respectfully and thoughtfully consult each other in every decision.


#8 frustrates BOTH spouses, but doesn’t help either one of them…


8. Trying to Change Each Other


When you try to “change” your spouse, you will BOTH end up frustrated. As you’ve probably learned already, you can’t change each other; you can only love each other. The only part of the marriage you have the power to change is the part you see when you look in the mirror. Be willing to change your responses to your spouse’s behavior. Look for ways to love and serve each other even when you have differences of perspective or preference. You’ll both probably end up “changing” for the better in the process.


#9 is the biggest single step toward an eventual divorce…


9. Planning an Exit Strategy


The healthiest couples have removed the “D-Word” (Divorce) from their vocabularies. When we threaten divorce or when we silently start fantasizing about life with someone new, we’re ripping apart the foundation of the marriage. The couples who make it work aren’t the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they’re simply the ones whose commitment to each other was always bigger than their differences and flaws.


#10 doesn’t necessarily involve sex, but it’s still an act of infidelity...


10. Hiding the Fact That You’re Married


If you are intentionally hiding your status as a married person or you’re projecting “availability” through flirting, slipping off a wedding ring, acting single around your single friends or at bars, etc., then you’re WAY out of bounds. Those subtle acts of deceit are in themselves forms of infidelity even if they never lead to a sexual affair.


#11 is EVERYWHERE, and it’s having a tragic impact on marriages.


11. Seeing Porn, Erotica or Graphic Romance Novels as “Harmless Entertainment”


When you’re acting out sexual fantasy apart from your spouse, it’s an act of mental infidelity. All true intimacy and all infidelity begins in the mind; not in the bedroom. If your eyes and your thoughts are wandering away from your spouse, then your heart is going to follow. Two thousand years ago, Jesus taught that “to look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery with her in your heart.” Don’t just be physically monogamous. Strive to be mentally monogamous.


I’m convinced that #12 is the #1 cause of divorce…


12. Selfishness


We are ALL selfish by nature, but a marriage can only work when we put our selfishness aside and put the needs of our spouse ahead of our own needs. When BOTH spouses are willingly to selflessly love and serve each other in this way, the marriage will thrive. The hard part is that YOU must be willing to go first and be selfless even in those moments when he/she is not reciprocating. Your actions might turn the tide. Choose to be a thermostat; not a thermometer. A thermometer always adjusts to the climate in a room, but thermostat CHANGES the climate in the room. Be the change. You probably have more influence than you think!


Please reload

Recent Posts

February 19, 2018

Please reload