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184342 tn?1282592350

sex with partner after having children

Ok,  I decided to ask this question over here, as opposed to the regular maternal and child forum, as women in their early 20's tend to have more energy then women out of their 20's...  I am 33 and I have 2 children-  4 1/2 years and 17 months...  DH and I use to have a very healthy sex life, but once our kids were born it has tapered a lot!  We have been together for 8 years now, and our marriage suffered a lot for about a year following both of the kids births-  I think it was just an adjustment time-  DH also seems unhappy with his job a lot...  so I know that weighs on his mind-  we go through spells from time to time where we have "a lot" of sex, but I am just wondering what is normal for a married couple, in their 30's with two small kids....  lately it seems to be that we only have sex about once a month, sometimes once every two months!  And I feel attracted to him, I feel like I'd want to have sex with him, I miss having it-  but then I think of all the effort it takes, and once the kids are in bed, I usually fall asleep shortly there after....  neither of us seem to initiate it hardly ever....  I think maybe he feels the same- it isn't that he doesn't want to do it, just that the kids, work, sleep all seem more important...  is this normal?  I get worried that maybe our marriage isn't healthy...  

I might ask this over in maternal and child to get some other opinions too....

so the poll is to see what the norm is....  couples, in mid thirties with small children have sex-
13 Responses
377493 tn?1356505749
I don't have small children, but I do think that a healthy amount of sex is whatever works for the two of you.  If you both are happy, and it isn't causing either of you stress, then its normal.  DH and I go through "hot and cold" periods.  Often, if one or both of us are stressed about something, or maybe extra tired from work or whatever, more time that normal for us can go by between.  I used to worry about it...thought maybe we were abnormal. I talked to him about it, and both of us were more worried about what was considered "normal" then what made us happy..know what I mean. I found out we were both very satisfied with our sex life, and for both of sometimes just some good old cuddling is enough.  I think you are normal!!
178698 tn?1228777938
It's normal what you are going through with regard to sex life and small kids.  You're lucky if you get it in once or twice a week.   Also being together after a while tends to slow the sex per week too.  
667829 tn?1297981723
wow, i'm on pace for couples in their 30's with child and i don't have one yet. it seems to me ever since i had the mirena put in (then out) my sex drive died during the 3 years it was in (or it was a co-incidence) i had almost started thinking i was having sex drive problems that can come along with peri-menopause....

since the night of conception (which was under duress for both of us cause i just had braces put in and neither one of us really wanted to bd,) but the sticks said do it, so we did - we hadn't had sex until last weekend...i'm 22 weeks.. i find its always one thing or another, i go to bed first, i had spotting at the beginning so that was stressful etc... anyway i thought i better do something otherwise it'd be nine months, then a c-section so we'd be going a year and a half....oops.
208686 tn?1293034103
I put down 1-2 times weekly because DH works out of town all week long and when he gets home on the weekends we "try" to get some alone time. But I swear it's like a radar being flipped on inside of Brayden because he will stay up til at least midnight on the nights DH is home. The first night he leaves to go back to work I can get Brayden in bed by 9! Little stinker!
Avatar universal
I think you are totally normal and it really varies couple to couple.  One of my sisters has only done the deed like once or twice since January (they have a 5 month old and a 3y old, together 9y) and my other sister and her dh are like rabbits (they have a 12, 10 and 8y old, together 20y!).  We are somewhere in between - before baby it was 2x per week.  After baby, my "goal" has been once a week.

It is very hard to find the time with small children...and I know the feeling of it being "just one more thing I have to do".  Every night I feel exhausted and just want to go to sleep but you just have to make time for it.  Even if I am grumbling about it before hand, I am usually happy afterwards and feel closer to dh.  (Then I am all happy and make plans in my head to increase our frequency, a few days go by, I forget about it, then I am tired and grumbling about it again!!  Oh well, poor dh!! He has been a good sport!!)  We are also on opposite shifts now so that makes it really hard.  
254689 tn?1251183640
We go through spells of some sort - we're currently in a dry one right.  it's like when noah goes down for the night, I just want to sleep (and then I wake up w/my insomnia - sigh....).  If we do bd on a regular basis, we're much nicer to each other -LOL.
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