Funny quotes about babies

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely.'

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm


Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.


Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.


Just saying ladies, stop worrying about shit that don't matter. some of you that had some babies, now you got some stretch marks, walking around the house bitter. Blaming the baby, showing the baby your highschool picture, talking about 'LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!


Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

It's just weird that out of nowhere God said, "May the three best-looking guys in Hollywood have babies - Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and me". It was bizarre that God said, "I want to make the planet more beautiful", and I got the call.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.


