The Dingbat

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour column. We focus on publishing satirical articles relevant to the UBC student’s academic and social experience. If you would like to prove that you're as funny as your friends say you are, put your money where your typing fingers are and submit completed pieces or pitches to


After the four-hour orientation workshop, we allow students and their parents to wander around campus, pointing out fun landmarks like the Ladner clock tower or a building with lots of windows. This is great for students who like to distract their parents from their alcohol consumption that is causing their grades to fall dramatically.

He’s been kicking around UBC since 1966, so the age difference is certainly on my mind a lot. But why does that matter? I may just a fountain, but we have a lot in common, and it’s not just the concrete.

No longer should young, urban couples have to drag themselves to the Yuletide Martha Piper baptismal fountain every year in order to be given gifts under their own personal The Shadows. It’s just not economical!

Oh, you hadn’t considered how, exactly as Foucault kind of touched on, Wicked exemplifies the neoliberal commodification of the supernatural and how Glinda is the panopticon? Neither had I until I came to this evening’s lecture tipsy just to flex on you first-years who can’t buy alcohol.

I think I felt like that once, excited to walk around in the rain for an hour, huddled on narrow cement walkways while I watched real university students hustle through dirt pathways carved by years of academic feet. But now, in my rain-soaked shoes seven years into my degree I can barely remember my parents.

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