Saturday, 5 September 2015

Passive Aggressive Parenting

I love my husband. He's great. He's a fantastic Dad. He's the calm to my madness. The relaxed to my manic. But since we've had kids there has been a sort of passive aggressive internal fighting over a variety of petty things. But petty things when you are living off three hours sleep? Turn into MASSIVE HUGE DEALS. Like all out war. But a war where things have to be uttered through gritted teeth. Or texts using angry emoticons. Because shouting in front of the kids is not allowed. But mouthing "OH FOR F*CKS SAKE" at you other half whilst the kids aren't looking? Is totes fine.

Night Feed Nagging
For us it definitely started with the dreaded 'night feed'. Now if you breast fed and had to do this all the time I salute you! You are a hero living off no sleep and I have no clue how you did it. I? Bottlefed after a short while and we go into a 'who's turn is it to do the night feed now' spiral of arguments. Both putting our case forward that we couldn't possibly have no sleep for the next day because we had a) work (him) b) had a toddler to look after (me) or c) IF I DON'T HAVE A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP SOME SERIOUS SH*T IS GOING TO GO DOWN.

(Through the gritted teeth) "Did you buy loo roll?"

Lie In Lying
You hear a toddler in a sing song voice shout "Muuuuummmmmmyyyyyyyyy". You open one eye. And look at the clock. It's 5.02am. You close your eye and wait. And know full well your other half is waiting. So you wait some more. "MUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY". Who is going to break first? No-one is moving. Breathing has stopped. 'Fake sleeping' has now become so honed that you both deserve and Oscar. Then...(whisper shouting) "I did it last weekend now get...the...f*ck...up". Triumph!

It's Your Fault-Itis
"Do you have the swimming nappies?". "No". "Oh (to be said all nice as you are in front of the kids but now you are fuming as you are at the SWIMMING BATHS WITH A BABY WHO COULD POO IN THE POOL) no worries...I just thought you were going to pack them...this time". "Oh sorry! I thought that was your job". After the words "your job" your inner anger is at fever pitch so you smile. Shove your leggings on and go and pay £5 for ONE NAPPY from the till.

(Through gritted teeth) "Did you remember the baby wipes?"

Household Chore Anger
These little interactions can range from who did the washing up last. To who left the wet washing in the machine. It may include a "Oh so you have put the heating on today have you? I thought it was rather warm!" or a "So you left the washing on the line over night? No really that's OK! I don't mind them getting wet again. It's fine!". Sigh.

United In Love Forgetfulness
So you've had no sleep, one of you got up at the crack of arse and inner screamed "sh*t!" when you realised there was mouldy washing in the machine still. Angry emoticons have been whizzing back and forward all day but then we need to remember there are those times. You know. When you see your little one do something amazing like walk, or you both stand together dreamily watching them sleep. And you kinda forget about all the weird passive aggressiveness. You are united in love for your amazing kids...until tomorrow when there is no loo roll in the whole house. And it starts all over again.

(Not through gritted teeth) "They are ruddy lovely aren't they?"


  1. Love this, Em!! :)

    I do the pretend sleeping every weekend. This morning it paid off, as not only did I not have to get up but also the man and toddler brought me a bacon butty in bed. #winningatlife

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

  2. Just fantastic! After having three kids in five years - we spent many a morning arguing over who had the most sleep "well you went to bed earlier than me" discussions - and the usual Mummy getting up at 5am as Daddy works more days/hours than Mummy. Now my kids are older (9, 7 and 3) I managed to enjoy a 9am lay-in - rock n roll!! Seriously though - your posts make me smile x

  3. You've just described my household! ☺️

  4. Love this - so true! We have a strict rule re: lie-ins in our household. We have a day each at the weekend. Mine is usually saturday mornings and hubbys is sundays! x

  5.! Love him, but hate his nagging and vice versa! We have twins, they started to sleep through then in the past few weeks they've started to wake up, we have the "fake sleeping" thing going on to when they wake! At least we aren't the only ones going through the same!

  6. Yes to all of this, no sleep is utterly shit and small things turn huge, gorge pics by the way x

    1. Thanks lovely lady! We seem to have managed to succeed at the selfie. AT LAST! x

  7. I so remember all of this! I was like the other Sarah above with three kids under 5. Thank goodness those days are over. I now accept that if it's anything to do with the kids, I do it (unless it's football) and I get up early of my own accord every day, even though the kids now sleep for hours.

  8. 'I thought it was *your job*'!! Drives me crazzzyyy!! When was this agreed? When did I sign up to it? What the hell??!


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