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The prison bike.
They never wait. Never.
Oh yes he will.
Just do what he says.

The Zoo, also known as Prison is an institution created as an experiment by The Man to convert normal straight men into homosexuals through the use of non-consensual mating practices with wild animals imported from Africa. It where you will likely be sent following the commission of a crime IRL thus forever giving you higher risk of AIDS. Unlike Internet jail, prison is an IRL friendster, and meeting people mostly involves anal penetration.

On occasion, OTI may result in prison; these offenses include, but are not limited to: slander; kiddy porn; hacking; downloading music; writing emo poetry; being a furry; blanking ED pages; trolling srsly ; and inventing new ways to fly planes into buildings.

Prison has a way of making a gay man out of a straight man and is currently making a lesbian out of Jasmine Richardson.

So what if I stole a tv? I'm still more badass than you!


—A noob at prison, aka Wigger about to be taught a lesson.


course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison? You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough.


—Public Enemy #1

Just remember, when you're in here your the nigger; not me


—A nigger on how white people get raped. Doesn't change the fact that he's black.

What you say mothafucker?! You wanna eat on my choad again!?


Typical Angry black man preparing dinner for a fellow inmate.

Fun Times, Exciting People

The Booty Warrior further explains
Soap Drop

In prison you can expect the following services:

Niggers in Prison

Immediately after birth, niglets are trained to spend life in carts to acclimatize them to their adult life behind bars.
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Criminigs live in hope of rediscovering this prison

The very first species of animal you will be encountering in Prison is of course, the Nigger. It is a fact that over 90% of niggers are currently in prison, or are eventually going to prison. Those who have chosen to live the black lifestyle often find themselves behind bars for various reasons. Usually, they find themselves on the wrong end of the law just for being themselves, acting in the animal instincts that they are. Niggers, ever since they were discovered by Human Civilization have been going to various types of Prisons for as long as they can remember, from Roman prisons, to Arab prisons, to European prisons and of course, American prisons for Slavery. Being a prisoner is an important part of the Black identity and therefore Black "culture" hence evolved in a prison setting. For example, the term "punk" and the Hip-Hop dressing style where one loosens his own pants to show his underwear, were derived from prison workers offering themselves up for entertainment in exchange for goods. Going to Prison is even considered by Negroid tribal culture as a badge of honour and an Initiation ritual to prove manliness, and Rap Music actively encourages young niglets to prove their manliness by doing crime and getting beaten up by the Police, because to them, if you ain't tough enough to survive in the clink then you ain't a true nigga but a pussy-ass white bitch who deserves to be raped.

Liberals think that there are too many colored people in prison and that racial profiling is to blame. They believe that the so-called "Prison-Industrial Complex" is a modern day form of slavery for corporations to make money while not paying minimum wage and subjecting them to brutal conditions. However this is false for in fact it is proven that the standard of living for niggers is much higher in a penitentiary than left out in the streets where they are more likely to starve to death (see Africa) or be killed to extinction by predators such as the Redneck. It works the same way as how zoos, contrary to what animal rights activists say, are important in protecting endangered species such as the Nigger's closest relative, the Gorillas, from extinction. The zoo provides free food, shelter, sanitation, health services, employment and entertainment at the expense of the taxes paid and laboured for by us working Humans, and for an animal, what more there is to want? Basically the zoo, for an animal that lacks IQ to grasp philosophical bullshit such as free will, is Heaven or a Utopia. And it works the similar way for our simian friends: Prison, far from the liberal conception of it as Hell, is in fact another integral part of Social Welfare and Protection given towards the Black community by the natural and limitless generosity of Humanity, but the mentally ill liberals try to deny it as such.

Prison niggers, however, are serious fucking business if you also happen to be in prison. They will find you and they WILL rape you. And this is what most all niggers do once caught.

Women in Prison

Not the most accurate portrayal of women's prison
If you see this man IRL, chances are you are going to prison

Women go to prison for a wide variety of crimes, including employment, dealing drugs, not staying in the kitchen, embezzlement, being an accomplice to lesbian bed death, refusing to make sandwiches, being a penis-punching feminazi, and cheating in the Presidential Election only to fail epically. There's slightly less rape in female prisons historically, although the raw feel of a gristly, unshaven hairy lip against your pussy is a sensation to be avoided, not sought after.

Lady Gaga's music video accurately depicts life in a female prison:

Women in prison often are often party to the dreaded cunt punt.

Jews in Prison

A Jewish prisoner, insisting on wearing the Jewish national costume

Ironically, the Jews, who since the Middle Ages and the Spanish Inquisition have been going to prison due to the fact that theft, fraud and scam artistry on a massive scale are ingrained in their very own DNA, have become the ultimate world leaders in detention techniques, followed closely by the US Army. Recently they enrolled under an intensive training course offered for free by the German government to learn the use of modern rehabilitation technology, such as waterboarding and Zyklon-B, and apply it on a massive scale for world domination, but when Germany was losing the war the experiments had to be covered up within a web of fraud known as the Holocaust which didn't happen. Nowadays all these techniques experienced by the Jews have become a sort-of religious dogma for the CIA in their continuing research to find more efficient brainwashing techniques and sick fuckery to destroy the will of us humans and make us submit to these aliens (see also Project MKULTRA).

The Jewish state of Israel currently offers an award-winning service to Palestinians, where they can be detained in rehabilitation centres so that they can be processed into citizens worthy of entry into Human Civilization. You can expect much butthurt from liberals as well as loca Muslims. But of course they can't do anything.

Join The Party

Her name is Fifi.

Ways to get in include:

And many, many moar.

How To Be The Most Popular Guy

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1: Always show open mindedness when it comes to race. No one in Prison wants to be that guy. If You're white, it's very important to seek out and visit the leaders of all ethnic groups the minute you step through the door. Your ethnic group can wait, in fact - FUCK THEM! Whitey has never helped anyone and this is even more true in Prison.

2: Talk about your crime as much as possible, especially if you're a pedophile. Everyone likes a good sex story, you'll fit right in.

3: Steal. Fuck man, you're in prison. You're all criminals. Nothing says how bad ass you are then stealing from someone. Hell, prison is like the real world. If they didn't want it stole then they would have watched it better.

4: Stare as much as you can at people. Look at them long and hard. It says you want to be friends.

5: The guards are your friends too. In fact, they may be your best friend while in there because helping them can reduce your time. Remember to keep your ears open so you can hook the guards up with the primo intel. Remember, the juicier the tid bit the faster you get out of there.

6: Nothing makes friends like gambling. By gambling, you get to really know people through conversation and might even hear some info now and then. Don't worry if you ain't got no money or run out. They're your friends, they will loan it to you. If someone makes a big deal aabout the money you owe them, you can always turn them over to the guards because gambling isn't allowed in prison and the guards will be grateful to find out who is running the gambling dens.

7: Do all the drugs you can. They're like gambling. Follow number 7 when it comes to drugs.

See Also

is part of a series on serious business
Serious Concepts


People & Organizations


Prison is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAnna Nicole SmithBen VoddenBrian AdamsBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineDylan KleboldEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyEric HarrisEtikaGeorge SodiniGizgizHappyCabbieHarambeHeath LedgerJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShaySteve StephensTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester Flanagan

Those Dying Alone


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