


If you’ve gotta ask…





Nothing goes as planned.”





The email:

Dear Canaries,

Thanks for your consideration.
Brooke Hodge


Continue reading






Here’s what Vanya sent us:

Title: The Story of Lucius Cane













 And, of course, the chess story:




Canaries, over and out.

**Pun absolutely intended.


[Pitch Slap] The book identity

[Pitch Slap] The book identity

RisingWhen Patrick Sean Lee sent us some info about his book, Rising, I was intrigued. The cover is pretty, the title is dramatic, and the first sentence of the blurb starts “In the spectacular and corrupt city.”

I wanted to know more.

But as I kept reading the blurb, I began to suspect that the story was suffering from an identity crisis. Or several.

But before I get too far into that, here is the blurb….


Identity crisis: Target your age group.

Who is this story for? Teens? Pre-teens? The word choice and language could go either way

Teen InfographicThe cover evokes an atmosphere of mystery and fairy-tale wonder, so perhaps the story itself leans towards coming-of-age fantasy adventure.The blurbs use of words like “spectacular,” “strange new land,” “massive branches of five-hundred-foot-tall-trees” create a kind of Narnia, Oz, or Alice in Wonderland sense of fantasy. The character passes through the veil from a gritty, harsh world to one of color and spectacular beauty and danger.

On the other hand, the opening (a corrupt city, a walled-in ghetto, caste systems) makes me think of political thrillers or sci-fi suspense adventures of the sort you see in books like Mazerunner, Hunger Games, Divergent, etc. Something that pits the character against an immense and unjust system.

A good rule of thumb for writing young characters for young readers is that your target reader will be the same age or a year or so younger than your character. If that holds true, readers of Rising will probably be in their mid-teens.  Kids want to read books that are “cool.” Be careful that the word choice is not narrowing your audience to the grandparents-only demographic.

Let’s assume we’re aiming for Teens. So first thing I’d do is…

Tighten the language: 


Pruned down this way, the intriguing elements of the story come to the forefront. But a couple issues are also creep into the spotlight.

Issue: someone wants her dead?

Blurb:  “This happens, that happens, this happens, and then this happens!…oh and then someone wants her dead.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

So much time is spent on Alana’s trip to the island and why she was sent there that it’s really not clear what the story will be and what the main conflict is really about. No, we don’t have to know why someone wants Alana dead, but nothing in the blurb even hints that this should be a thing.

If a blurb takes the narrative approach, as this one does, each section of the blurb should connect to the next.

  1. Alana arrested unjustly.
  2. Because she is arrested, she is dropped off on island prison.
  3. Because she is dropped off on the island, someone rescues her.
  4. Because someone rescues her, she lives to learn about the island grouping/caste system.
  5. …Someone on island wants Alana dead badly enough to destroy the island.

The link break down at #5. Something more needs to be said to connect this.

Issue: What’s at stake?

One of the ways a blurb can pull the reader in is to explain what is at stake. What is the point of the adventures? What’s at stake? Is it just plain survival? Is it about getting back home?

Is the story going to be about Alana’s adventures on the island, or her attempts to fight/unravel the corrupt caste system that sent her to the island? Should the reader be asking, “Why is she a special case? Is this a science experiment? Will she lead a rebellion against the injustices at home?” or should the questions be “How will she survive on the island? Who is her friend or foe there? Can she escape the island to go home? What is this place?”

To make me care, you have to tell me what the danger is.

And what we’re fighting for.

Do you have a pitch or synopsis that you’d like to send to the sacrificial altar? Email it our way  to canarypost@gmail.com with “Pitch Article Submission” in the subject.

Looking for a few more pitch slaps?

The Pitch Slap is Back!

Chirp! We are going to start the new year off with some brand new pitch slapping and fit tossing. In our Pitch Slapped series, we take a book blurb or a book pitch, and then proceed to pull it apart and stick it back together – all the while answering those pesky questions like: What works? What doesn’t work? What could be done differently? Why?

Here are a few of my favorite from last year:

A pitch slap! In tiny, tiny text.


I have a few pitch slap requests lined up, but I am always looking for more.

Do you have a pitch or synopsis that you’d like to send to the sacrificial altar? Or do you know an author who does?


[Pitch Slapped] Blurbs and navigating the reader-infested waters

Author Elizabeth Krall sent us the blurb for her lighthearted romance novel, Ship to Shore. In her email, she told us that she had used a variety of blurb-writing tools to get the point of her story across as strongly as she could:

“I have tried to incorporate various bits of ‘blurb writing’ advice, such as the use of ‘power words’, keeping it under 175 words and posing questions.”

In this Pitch Slap article, we’ll dive into this nebulous world of blurb writing tricks and talk about what worked and what sank and what swam in this seaside romance. But first… Continue reading




But first, the blurb itself:


