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D28 Letting Old Habits Die

When I first started Weight Watchers I always used my weigh in night as "cheat night" as my reward to myself for working really hard all week. Tracking every point, weighing and measuring every ounce and saying no to pretty much anything I wanted that wasn't "healthy" was exhausting work and by the time weigh in night rolled around I was ready to let loose and have a little fun.

In other words, every weigh in night was a binge night :-\

And the day after every weigh in night I woke up with a food hangover feeling fat and still full from everything I ate. So many carbs, so much fat, so much CRAP! I'd eat crap I didn't even want because I might want it later in the week or I wanted it last month and I said no. I'd start the day with a breakfast sandwich from Dunkin Donuts and chase that with a donut and a coffee with extra cream and extra sugar...dinner was almost always something fried, definitely fattening and I definitely ate WAY too much of it...because it was cheat night. I had to make it count!

For a while it worked for me. I'd eat like a glutton on weigh in night and during the week I'd restrict myself and come the next weigh in I'd be down a pretty significant chunk of weight. But, I also had a pretty significant chunk of weight to lose which made the losses a little easier to achieve. 1 horrendously terrible day was reaping havoc on my insides I'm sure but not affecting the scale so I kept doing it.

But the more I lost and the more my body changed the more I didn't enjoy my Wednesday night binges but I continued to binge because I always had and despite not wanting the crap I was convinced that I should eat it to prevent wanting it. Preventative eating does not work people! I'm not an idiot, I knew this "strategy" wasn't going to work. I knew it wasn't healthy but for some reason I couldn't let that part of me die. I couldn't let it go. I felt like by swearing off my Wednesday night cheat nights I was swearing off indulging forever. But there is a huge difference between indulging and binging.

Indulging can be enjoyable! A donut or a slice of cheesecake once in a while tastes good and not it's not a power food but it's a yummy food and once in a while it's OK to give in. Sometimes we do need to let go a little bit and not worry about how many points or calories something is and eat it to just enjoy it. But indulging in a piece is very different than binging on the entire cake.

I stopped my Wednesday night cheat nights a couple years ago around the time my wife had gastric bypass surgery because I didn't want to tempt her and I also felt like a glutton binging all alone. Misery loves company and she couldn't eat the way we used to and I didn't want to do it alone. During that time I found I was super successful with my losses, I felt better than ever and I did really well but after time I started "cheating" again. I'm not sure why but week after week I'd find I was slipping just a bit more into my old ways and before I knew it Wednesday's became binge nights but this time the food hangover lasted longer than just the next day, the guilt felt heavy and oppressive, I felt like a total failure, I started craving more crap during the week and giving in to my cravings and the scale started to reflect my lack of effort. I was frustrated and angry with myself but I couldn't seem to stop!

A few weeks ago though I decided that the idea of quitting my cheat nights was too overwhelming and I just couldn't do it so I decided to compromise with myself and made a plan to track whatever I ate on Wednesday. I didn't promise I'd weigh, measure or count points but I'd at least write it down. The simple act of writing what I'm eating and then seeing it on the page (or in my phone) staring back at me definitely deters me from eating more. I don't like having to be honest with myself! It disappoints me when I see choices I regret and I always regret out of control portions or "preventative eating".

I can absolutely write things down. I cannot guarantee I'll always count, stay within my points or eat portions that aren't hippo sized but I can guarantee that I'll always write down what I eat on Wednesday's because it really helps me. I feel better and stronger throughout the week, no food hangover, no cravings for crap and I don't feel the need to "preventative eat" because during the week if I REALLY want something I'll make it fit into my points instead of depriving myself!

THIS IS A LIFESTYLE AND YOU CANNOT CHEAT ON A LIFESTYLE!! If you treat it like a lifestyle and not a stinkin diet!! If you mke changes that aren't restrictive and changes that you can live with you're going to be able to let go of the bad habits that have held you back in the past. 

For me those easy changes are:
  • If I want something during the week, I'll have it. 
  • On Wednesday's (and everyday) I'll write down what I eat no matter what-even if I don't track the points or weigh or measure the item (but I'll weigh and measure everything during the week).
  • I'll find substitutes for old favorites (hello turkey kielbasa and turkey bacon vs. pork!)
  • I'll make room in my day for favorites that can't be substituted (cheesecake is only delicious if it's high potency! LOL) but I'll try to keep these favorites to a minimum...probably not once a day!
  • I'll aim to get my GHG's everyday!
  • I'll workout 4-5 days a week, even if I just take a short, slow walk.
  • I'll blog daily (it's great free therapy hahaha!!)
These changes may not be suitable for everyone but they're working for me and when I stick to them I'm a lot more successful.

This week I was down 3 pounds which was shocking but totally amazing! My new total is 97.6 and I am feeling confident, fit and determined and I want to keep feeling that way! It hasn't been easy but I haven't been killing myself or making myself miserable either. The changes I've implemented the past few weeks are:
  • earning at least 15 AP's a week
  • weight training 2X a week
  • staying within my DPT 6/7 days a week 
  • allowing myself some (but not all!) WP's on Wednesday's for indulgences (tonight was a little extra whole wheat spaghetti not an entire cheesecake) 
  • TRACKING on Wednesday's 
And all of those changes are just challenging enough to help me lose weight but also build my confidence in myself. I'm losing weight but gaining self esteem by making small, sustainable lifestyle changes...

Does it get any better!?




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