#Twinning: 'Am I in the right place, mentally, to raise children?'

By Laura Turner|

'Still grieving my sister's tragic death'

For months, I’ve been buying all the stuff. The baby cots, the pram, the ridiculously bold nursery wallpaper and, of course, all the cute clothes - times two.

When you’re having a baby, let alone two babies, there’s all this anticipation about "being ready".

Is the car ready? The house ready? The nursery ready? But I’ve come to realise there’s a bigger priority here, a bigger question to ponder: is my brain ready? Am I actually in the 'right place' to raise children?


I’ve made no secret of the trauma I’ve faced over the past 18 months due to the tragic loss of my sister, Skye, to a drug overdose, and I’m still grieving her. There’s no doubt my grief will have an impact on my girls. Is this fair?

I’ll parent them differently because of what I’ve been through. I’ll likely be more open with them about drugs and alcohol that I once might have planned to be. But is this the right thing to do? What if it’s not?

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I’ve come to realise what an enormous responsibility it is to raise two humans - to shape them emotionally and intellectually. Given what I’ve been through, am I equipped for this?

How do other parents protect their children from their own emotional baggage? And should they?

LISTEN: On this week's Honey Mums podcast Jo Abi has trouble convincing her daughter to cut her hair and Sandy Rea discusses the transition into motherhood.

We all have 'stuff' that has traumatised us in our lives and shaped us for better or worse, but how do we make sure we don’t project our insecurities and fears onto our kids? How much of their personalities will be moulded by what their parents are like?

While I have some emotional stuff to deal with, there will be other influences at play too.

While my partner, Dan, has competed in a gazillion ironman events, he actually hates swimming and always has. He and his family avoided the water when he was young and it wasn’t until he was an adult that he took the plunge, so to speak.

Laura with her sister Skye. (Supplied)

We talked the other day about making sure our girls learn to swim from a young age, but that will mean him getting in the water and trying to 'like' it just for them.

If he didn’t do that, though, they might miss out on a life skill.

This raises an important point about the sacrifices parents need to make for the sake of their children.


Knowing how to swim is something that can save your life, but so is emotional stability.

I guess having twins will be a bit like an experiment in the 'nurture versus nature' debate.

And, the answer could be revealed in ten years' time when one twin might be happily swimming laps and the other is refusing to dip their toe in the water.
