Tuesday, February 22, 2011


or do I?

My friend Cheryl is doing a blog series through the book Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic, daughter of Nancy and Doug Wilson. Confession: The book is on my kitchen counter waiting to be read. Nope, haven't started it yet, but for some reason that doesn't stop me from blogging about it.

It looks great, alright?

And what can I say; there isn't a lot of time for reading when you're "in the trenches," ironically.

Go here to read Cheryl's latest post about "Me" Time. The gist of it is this: Mommies should get time to themselves. We do well with lots of time for prayer, solitude, Bible study, rest (including but not limited to Sabbath rest), and dates with our husbands. All good things.

BUT... it's wise to keep a watchful eye on use of the word "need." Do I "need" to go to Starbucks for 2 hours with a People magazine? Or do I "need" a pedicure? Sure, they might be nice, and certainly a fine indulgence, nothing sinful about it. But if I feel like I can't function without lots of times like that, it may be a red flag that something is amiss spiritually.

Here is a quote from Cheryl:
"It's dangerous to keep telling myself, "I just need a break." That thinking invades my heart and wants to push out those I love. I begin to see my children as a hinderance. They are keeping me from being a better me. And while, it is important to have a break, this thinking can entrench itself so deeply that we begin to believe that getting away is the answer to having more patience, self-control, etc. "

You did click over and read her post, didn't you? Go ahead; I'll wait here.

I love what Cheryl said about the alone time being "the answer" to becoming a better person. I so often feel that way! If I only had _______ I would be better. Am I still perfecting the flesh? Trying to prove that I'm not so bad, after all; I don't really need a Savior? I mean, if I could just get out more, I would be good....

Who or what do I expect to meet my needs? To give me rest and satisfaction? A sense of self-worth? Is it my husband? Kids? Free time away to myself? If it is anything other than God, it is an idol. Would I dare to make my alone time an idol? (Why not? John Calvin says that "man's nature is a perpetual factory of idols.") If I place the burden of restoring my soul on that little mini-vacay at Starbucks, that is the best way to actually ruin the experience, and ultimately come up lacking.

If I am stressed and burned out, I probably need lots of time in the Word, finding some intimacy with the true Lover of my soul. If I put a band-aid on that pain with a mommy time-out, it could make me feel better temporarily, but what if it actually DELAYS my spiritual growth? If I allow the negative emotions to draw me to the foot of the cross, that is constructive.


"I just want a little freedom."

Remember my posts on femininity ages ago? Here is a quote that applies well here:

"We find our greatest and truest freedom when we loose the bondage to the sinful self. If I can learn to discipline myself to not follow every desire, to not pursue every path that looks nice from my perspective, to not act on every transient emotion, or believe every cultural influence that writes a magazine article, I will ultimately experience much greater freedom. Sometimes we must endure a discipline that at first feels restrictive in order to be released from bondage we hadn't even realized we were in."

I often find myself analyzing my own moods and spirituality, ironically thinking more about myself than about God. Counter-productive, no? Consider this:


Does anyone remember this from the women's retreat?: Anxiety is a gift: it is a signpost telling me that something is amiss in my heart. It reveals my false treasure. It warns me that my treasure is vulnerable. (Thanks, Elyse Fitzpatrick.)

Consider that Christ was free to serve because of his security with the Father:

John 13:3-5.


I find rest and joy in the Lord, and share the sweetness with my family:

Nehemiah 8:10



I need way more restful quiet than I could get if I depended on sitters. So for me the trick is learning to rest with the kids. If I make hot tea for myself and warm milk for them and cuddle on the couch, or park myself in a rocking chair on the porch while they run around the yard, I can find that peaceful rhythm that I crave. Even if the laundry is waiting. And no facebook. I'm slowly beginning to realize that I can even read my Bible with children in the same room and dishes in the sink; I don't have to wait for sleeping kids and a clean house to claim some rest. Otherwise it may never happen.


What are your thoughts? Do you struggle with "needing" the time away more than is healthy? Does this reveal anything uncomfortable about your heart?

Praise God for His grace to show us our need for Him.

He is that good.