- 2018-09-29-

1 "A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about."How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide."Exactly one hundred million and three years old."How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist."Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。这些化石有多长的历史？游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。整整十亿零三年了。” “你怎么这么肯定？游客问道。哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”"

2 "Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.""You've done the right thing," says Mommy."But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."小强尼说：妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。妈妈说：你做得很对呀。”“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”"

33 "Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room."Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago.""Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?""To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。"大夫！"他说，"帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！""天哪，"大夫说，"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？""实话告诉您吧，大夫，"穷人说，"我当时还不缺钱！""

3 "Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!""Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。看，哥哥说，这些画多漂亮呀！”“是啊，弟弟说道，可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”"

4 "Son: "Dad, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"Dad: "What ah?"Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!"儿子：爸爸，星期五下午您有空吗？爸爸：什么事啊？儿子：学校要开微型家长座谈会！爸爸：什么叫微型家长座谈会？儿子：就是只有班主任，你和我参加！”"

5 "Do You Know Santa's True Profession?Consider the following:1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.5. Santa travels a lot.Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!圣诞老人的真实职业是什么？考虑以下几点1. 你其实从来没见过圣诞老人，你看见的都是他的助手（他的助手真的好多，除了过圣诞节的所有父母外，还有职业圣诞老人2. 圣诞老人不想退休，就可以一直当他的圣诞老人。3. 圣诞老人不会做实事，他都是指挥一堆帮手帮他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好还是不好，功绩和责任都算圣诞老人的。4. 圣诞老人实行的可不是朝九晚五双休制。5. 圣诞老人经常旅行圣诞老人显然是一个高级职员（please, 这世界上还有比他的工作更好的工作吗？）"