Saturday, February 7, 2015

The World Keeps Turning

Hot off the release of a slamming new album, Napalm Death's Barney Greenway has been in the news twice in the last few weeks, due to a couple of open letters written to new Indonesian president (and ostensible ND fan) Joko Widodo. Barney petitioned on behalf of civil rights groups to free a British woman and two Australian citizens sentenced to execution for drug smuggling. It's good to know that the world's foremost grindcore band is still out there trying to change the world for the better and not just cop free Red Bull.

Knowing this region and its draconian drug policies, I'm not optimistic that much will come of his efforts. But as long as he's got his stationary out, maybe Barney can use his increased profile to reach out to the following world leaders:

• Ask President Obama to put his unsanctioned drone strike program on hold; this seems like a natural request for a band that got its name from the most infamous example of the U.S. military dropping fire from the sky heedless of civilian casualties. Give Amazon and Domino's time to catch up, at least - that way, the chances are as good that it's the new Harper Lee novel or some piping hot 'za as it is a hellfire missile.

• As long as we're hoping for the impossible, a note requesting that shirtless horse-riding enthusiast Vladimir Putin stop arming pro-Russian separatists in Ukraine probably wouldn't hurt, before more passenger airplanes filled with cancer scientists are shot down. Though being publicly critical of the Russian president would mean giving up sushi for the foreseeable future.

• How about asking fellow populist Pope Francis what exactly he meant by saying that spanking children is "beautiful", and how the good padre expects married Catholics to stop breeding "like rabbits" without the use of contraceptives? Maybe The Church's ineffectual "abstinence only" policies will become more palatable if it has a grindcore anthem to sell it: