Skip to main content
Save the Date

"Help! My Guy Says He Wants to Marry Me—But He's NOT Saving Up for a Ring!"

This girl's boyfriend seems to be more interested in mopeds than marriage.


Writes Save the Date reader Isla:

I'm a 24-year-old undergrad student in my senior year. Last November, my boyfriend and I celebrated our four-year anniversary, and lately I've become a little (lot!) frustrated while I wait for his proposal.

We've talked about getting married a few times. My boyfriend has said he wants to marry me and there is no one else he would want to spend his life with. But, he's an extremely laid-back Californian, and even though he just turned 29 and I know marriage has crossed his mind, I still feel like he's in no rush. Which is killing me.

We've lived together for three years. We have a dog, who is like our child. We're basically married, but he just won't ask!

Just a few months ago, after we made up after a fight—which we never have—I was upset and I told him I was worried he didn't want to marry me anymore. He reassured me that he did, and said, "The only reason I haven't asked you yet is because I don't have a ring."

That made me feel like a proposal was coming soon. But it hasn't, so now I'm back to being antsy.

We don't have much money at all, and he only works a few days a week because we're both in school. But I don't want anything crazy! I certainly don't have expensive taste. So why won't he buy an inexpensive ring?

I thought at one point he was actively saving. He has a jar that he puts his tips in (from a barista job) that he called his "moped fund." (He works on mopeds as a hobby.) I had convinced myself that the jar was actually a "ring fund," but he just cleared out the jar and now we have a pile of moped parts lying around the house taunting me.

So it seems he's capable of saving, but only for himself. (Trust me, I've seen his bank account balance. It's super-low.)

I know I'm young, but we're really established in our relationship, and we've both been really clear that marriage is in our future. I'm just so disappointed that he hasn't bothered to save for a ring.

I don't want to bring it up again. I'm sick of bringing it up, and I don't want him to feel pressured. That's the last thing I want. But how do I get him to understand my frustration? Sitting here waiting in silence is KILLING me!

Here are my thoughts:

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think the best advice I can give you is stop worrying about the future and try to enjoy the present.

(No, I did NOT just read that from the inside of a Hallmark greeting card!)

You have a great thing going on right now. You share a home and a life with a guy you love, and you know you're going to be with him forever. I have single 34-year-old friends who would kill to be in your shoes!

I also have a married 34-year-old friend (or three!) who wasted a lot of energy in her mid-twenties worrying about when her boyfriend was going to propose. She over-thought dinner plans (Tonight's THE night!) and fantasized about a beachside proposal every time she and her boyfriend planned a vacation for two. And then she wound up being disappointed when a fancy dinner was JUST a nice birthday treat and a vacation was JUST a weekend getaway.

She wasn't able to fully enjoy some pretty fun things—including living with an awesome guy who she loved very much—because she was SO focused on what was coming next.


And all that worry and wasted energy didn't help her relationship!

Yes, you don't want a super-expensive ring, but if your boyfriend's thisclose to getting a grown-up job, I'd bet he's just waiting 'til he has some solid income before he starts saving. And if you just want something simple, he should be able to save quickly once he has an actual salary.

And also, you don't know that he's not saving. Just because he's not filling a change jar that's right in front of your face or socking away cash in his savings account, that doesn't mean there's not a "ring fund" in his sock drawer. (NO, you should NOT go hunting for it!)

Based on all you've told me, I'd bet a proposal is coming within a year. And I'd hate for you to spend the whole year fretting about something that I think is a sure thing.

Instead of worrying about a proposal, worry about Spring Break, or working on your resume. Plan fun, inexpensive date nights for you and your guy (and your dog!) and really savor the rest of your senior year and the summer that follows. Worrying about a proposal isn't going to make it come any faster, so you might as well enjoy the ride until it comes.

p.s. If he hasn't proposed by this time next year, write back and we'll discuss a new strategy! I don't think I'll be hearing from you!

Ladies, what do you think? Does Isla need to worry? Should she have one last, "This is what I want, this is when I want it" talk with her boyfriend? Or should she STOP worrying for a while?


More readers' dilemmas, solved!

*What's With All the Spam in the Comments Section?




More Ways to Get Glamour

Visit for cute stuff starting at just $10!

Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes!

Follow us on Twitter

Add us to your iGoogle homepage