When You’re Not a Priority…

not a priorityThis week we've been talking about when you're not a priority to an important person in your life.

If this is happening, usually one of 2 things is going on...

  1. You're really not a priority or at least not "THE" priority in that person's world
  2. You are a priority in that person's life (according to them) but not in the way you'd like and you have thinking that says that you're not.

Our previous comments were really centered around the second explanation where we invited you to be an invitation to what you want rather than making a request that's unconsciously cloaked in criticism.

Maybe circumstances and life changes have created distance between the two of you if you were once close and you want that loving feeling back.

But a reader reminded us that there are many people coping with the first explanation. Here’s what Gillian wrote and we include this with her permission...

"Dear Susie and Otto,

"I appreciate your great newsletters.

"There is one area I’d like you to bring to the attention of those who never get love, care or intimacy from their partner no matter how brilliant a wife they are.  For those wives who keep raising their own bar to please until they can no longer jump over it.

"It could be fruitless because their partner has a personality disorder and/or is gay.  

"I spent almost 23 years of rejection and insults from a man who could never love me.  No matter what I did, nothing worked. I found out he was gay and also believe he had narcissistic personality disorder.  I stopped wasting my life and left 3 years ago.

"I never want life to be so complicated again.   

"Kind regards, Gillian"


While we’re not a fan of labels, we know that they can be helpful in explaining some behavior but what Gillian is reminding us is that no matter how much of an invitation you are to a better relationship…

The other person may not choose that and to keep turning a blind eye to what’s really happening can be harmful to you as well as to your partner.

When you're not a priority, deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship is certainly not to be taken lightly.

That’s why we created a program called “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” to help you truly know the next right action to take that’s in your heart and gut.

-->Important questions to ask if you're considering whether to stay or go<--

If you‘re not a priority but showing up as love and you see your partner responding by coming toward you, then that’s an indication that you’re on a path to a deeper connection.

If you’re not a priority and truly showing up as love and not criticism--and your partner is still not open to connecting with you, it may be a sign to listen inside like Gillian did and take appropriate action that will lead to your greater happiness.

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