

You can’t always get what you want

From the November/December issue of Women@Work


What made the moment gloriously ironic, though, was our destination — the mall.

As the holiday season approaches and we are inundated with commercials and advertisements, how do we find the balance between what we want and what we need? And how do we know the difference?

When we were children, we learned there are three essential needs: shelter, food and water, and clothing. How is it that from these three simple necessities we allow ourselves to be persuaded that the house must be grandiose, the food and water gourmet, and the clothing exclusively name brand? More importantly, how can we get to a place where we, and our children, understand that there can be as much joy to be found in helping others meet their needs as can ever be achieved by fulfilling our own wants?

The holiday season can, with some effort, be the ideal time of year to emphasize the importance of a budget and the prioritizing of needs and wants. Here are some tips to help you and your family shift the focus from getting everything they want, to having all that they need.

  • Share some information about how you make financial decisions. Talk about the choices you make on a daily basis to meet your responsibilities and obligations. I like to offer my children a chance to become involved with choices that they can directly relate to, such as buying new clothes or sneakers within a specified budget. They can better understand the concept of budgeting when they have to decide between the $100 running shoes and the $60 pair that can be had along with a new hoodie.
  • Don’t feel obligated to spend equal dollar amounts on each of your children. What pleases an 8-year-old may not require the same financial investment for a gift that satisfies a teenager. And it’s not about the money, right?
  • Share some of your own experiences relating to good and bad decisions from your own past.Remember that suede jacket you just had to own, yet only wore once? Is there a regret about opting for the bargain item when what you really required was something better made, but priceier? Tell them.
  • Seek out opportunities to become involved in activities that highlight giving rather than receiving.Does your place of employment “adopt” a family for the holidays? Commit to providing gifts for the less fortunate and ask your children to assist with the shopping, wrapping, etc.
  • Involve your children with activities that don’t require trips to the mall. Bake some cookies or a loaf of bread and ask young family members to deliver the goods to a favorite neighbor. Better yet, accompany your child to the new neighbor’s house to share the spirit of the holidays.  

Websites to Get You Started

How to budget

Adopt a family

Bake a loaf of bread


Silvia Meder Lilly