Sunday, 12 April 2009

Step away from the Harpic-tini

Given that neither rabbits nor bells are acceptable in this house, can you suggest some alternative bringers of Easter trans fats? If it can also double up as the entity that replaces teeth with money (instead of the mouse/fairy), so much the better. So far I have:

The Easter Swiss guy from the Lindt adverts (like a creepy Swiss Santa)

The Easter tortoise (obvious, but I feel effective, with little paniers of eggs either side of its shell)

The Easter glockenspiel (because it's a good word)

The Easter stag beetle (carrying confectionery between its antlers)

The Easter zombie (self-evident)

The Easter capybara (sturdy)

The Easter Beard.

I am quite excited at the idea of the Easter Beard. I can imagine a jewel coloured cluster of eggs nestling in its hairy embrace as the Beard shuffles from house to house amazing the children with its constantly replenished supply of chocolate goodness.

Alright, alright, I'll stop drinking Cilit Bang now.


karenmc said...

Australia now has an Easter Bilby - they're small, big-eared, endangered native animals -

You can borrow one if you like :)

ptooie said...

I like the Easter Tortoise idea.
Easter Stag Beetle sounds interesting though.
It's too early in my morning for any original thoughts...

Marinka said...

I love all those ideas. How about the Easter Mongrel, to be all inclusive?

Ali said...

You could have the Easter witloof. Eggs nestled between it's leaves. That lends itself to the notion that perhaps the eggs are somehow grown amongst the witloof and are a special extra that only sprouts at Easter, which I quite like.
Why not an Easter Weepette??? You'd just have to make sure eggs were out of his reach. Perhaps in a witloof shaped hat or hung from his neck inside Alan Measles?

kathycastro said...

I feel it's only fair to our dear dear lovely friends to suggest that perhaps an Easter Dinosaur is what you're looking for? Festively coloured, fond of your spawn. Only issue is keeping the Weepette away from their greedy, bbq-stained little arms. What do you think?

JPM said...

What about some sort of leafless tree or representation of one, sort of three dimensional tree-o-life....that looks good in the house naked but that you can tie things to, such as easter candy, spiders, or spring flowers, or valentines or shamrocks or even cash-in-trade for teeth or remarkably good grades tied to its branches ...It could even sometimes wear random parts of plastic toys just to, ya know, be decorative. Something small enough to be moved easily but big enough to make it's chocolate covered presence known. It could also be blamed for things.. as in "the tree did it."

Anonymous said...

A chocolate fairy came round and brought us eggs - I'd go for her if I were you. Nice and friendly, housetrained, and she stayed for lunch and a chat .. dinosaurs sound a bit risky I think.

aghtheinlaws said...

I like imps - the easter imps suggest fun and mischief - they woudl hide the eggs in the house and you'd have to find them.

Dave said...

Kathy is right! We can even lay eggs for you. And we provide a free humane bunny extermination service. It's a win win situation! And by "win", I mean we will eat all the chocolate eggs".

westendmum said...

I suggest something that lays very large eggs, so I agree with an Easter dinosaur, but how about an Easter ostrich, not very pretty, an Easter swan, Black Headed Gull, Whimbrel, Dodo, those last two are extinct, or, I know, an Easter basket, don't put all your eggs in it though.
Poor, very poor, sorry.

justarabbit said...

I quite like going the egg-laying mammal route... built-in pouch for eggs!
The easter echidna

But since that is far away from Belgium, perhaps the easter hedgehog?

Though parrots would be good, since they're into garish colours, seem to manage to live in all manner of places (Hyde Park) and they lay eggs.

(Very) Lost in France said...

How about an Easter chacoan peccary? It's pretty ugly but when it gets frightened it runs away and sprays a nasty pong from it's dorsal glands. That way it could NEVER hide from us transfat addicts. Might taint the eggs though....

GingerB said...

I am too sugar fatigued and drunk with sunshine to identify for you the Easter creature you seek, but it might be related to the poo fairy, my favorite mythical creature. A responsible dog owner always picks up her dog's poo on walks, and my friends and I usually bag up poos as we go up the hill, but leave the bagged treasure to grab on the way back, where it will have ripened into a warm steamy poo bag. We know it is a good day when the poo fairy comes along and picks up all the poo for us. I think your Easter creature may be a cousin to the poo fairy.

Wife in Hong Kong said...

I think the Easter Mid-life Crisis with huge paniers filled with eggs, bunnies, fish and lobsters is the only creature sizeable enough to bring adequate supplies of trans-fat to Spa. And it will be there with you so might as well start earning its keep.

Razorkitty said...

Has to be the Holy Tortoise. With delightful weeny paniers full of chocolatey goodness. And blessings, in manner of His Holiness.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Now, JW, you know drinking Cillit Bang only leads to Harpic...

How about the "Toilet Duck"?!

Jaywalker said...

karen - ah! the bilby! his lovely ears! yes, he is excellent.

ptooie - don't worry I don't have any either.

marinka - maybe oscar's ginger sausage girlfriend would oblige?

ali - you are GOOD. The easter witloof!

kathyc - oh, yes. But which one?? They all lay eggs. I think. Aaah. Dave? Your thoughts?? Or would you operate as a team?

JPM - oooh. the tree. bad bad tree. Bad, chocolate tree. I like. that's an actualy GOOD suggestion.

aghtheinlaws (good name) - imps sound frightening to me. Scars from Brownie days.

westendmum - a big ugly fierce pecky gull. you wouldn't have a problem with them trying to stay awake to see it, would you? they'd be begging for it to stay away. good good.

justarabbit - an echidna would be very sweep and indeed, built in storage. yes.

VLiF - you are as bad as me with the capybaras.

GingerB _ I am totally confident there are no poo fairies in Uccle. The parc du caca bears witness to this.

Wife in HK - would the mid life crisis not keep us all awake moaning and clanking its chains?

Razorkitty - his holinesss the arse was working some good furry collar type thing yesterday. The holy tortoise TM would look good in that.

Woman - no shame in that. no shame at all.

Antonia said...

Easter Beard all the way! You realise I'll have to make one now. And so will you. And we shall wear them, and go about inviting small, frightened children to ferret around in them for fondant sculptures of the newly risen Christ with beard hairs stuck to his parts.

Jaywalker said...

Antonia Yes. I really wanted to make one in the manner of an easter table centrepiece but the CFO was making pursy lippy shapes behind my head and telling me we had to go off on the two wheeled horse of death. Next year we will do exactly that. Fondant jesus. Beard hair. Terrified infants. Yes. YES.

black said...


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