There is a strip mall near my house that is home to the following stores: a running shoe store, a performance supplement store, a fitness facility, a shoe repair store, a podiatrist, a pharmacy, and a Baskin Robbins. It’s like a metaphor for the life cycle of the semi-motivated middle-age man.

Stage 1: “I’ve GOT to get in shape! Going to run every day! New shoes, new gym, new vitamins, new me. Let’s do this!”

Stage 2: “My feet are killing me. Must be the shoes, going to have these puppies fixed!”

Stage 3: “So, not the shoes. Doc says I’m old. Picking up my pills and a pint of cookie dough. Going home to watch Golden Girls.”

Stage 4: Wait a few months and repeat.

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