Sexual Orientation vs Preference

As a bisexual male I am sometimes accused of many things. I have been called all sorts of names but to add on that I am sometimes accused of being confused, greedy, promiscuous, or going through a phase. I am non of these things, and while I am attractive and I have had my “pick of the litter” I am quite picky to whom I decide to spread my “royal oats” with. But this blog isn’t about me. It’s about the misunderstanding that society seems to have when I say that I am bisexual. It is society’s confusion that I will attempt to clarify.

The problem here is when people think you are talking about sexual preference when you are talking about sexual orientation. Those are two different things and shouldn’t be lumped together. Many times I understand that the LGBT community will be talking about sexual orientation while the religious community will be discussing sexual preference.

Look up the definitions for yourself. Orientation is the awareness that one has about their self. It is the beliefs that they have concluded based upon their own experiences. No one can tell you your sexual orientation. You don’t even choose your sexual orientation…it just is. You figure it out based upon how you feel and we all know you can’t control how you feel you can only control what you do with your feelings. (express or repress)

Sexual preference is what you decide. Prefence is defined as what you favor over another option. For example I like both mexican food and italian food…but on any given day I PREFER mexican. But don’t get me wrong…place some pasta in front of me and I will love it just as much!

This is how bisexuality is.

A bisexual simply has experienced both genders and finds sex pleasurable and comfortable with both. HOWEVER, a bisexual may have a sexual preference as homosexual or even heterosexual. In truth, there are many bisexual men and women who have a sexual preference of heterosexual. A poll taken on a dating site concluded that 50% of proclaimed heterosexual women have had or want to have a bisexual experience compared to the 15% of heterosexual men (however I think if the men were drunk the percentage would be higher) .

You can only choose one sexual preference at any given time, there is no bisexual sexual preference. BUT preference is not fixed, you can prefer to be homosexual today and heterosexual tomorrow. (which is what the religious community encourages)

On the flip side

Sexual orientation is fixed. You can’t control that …it is who you are and you should choose your preference based upon that. A person who has a sexual orientation of homosexual will never feel anything for the opposite sex. He/she ,however, may choose to live the sexual preference of heterosexuality because the lifestyle is more acceptable in society to some degree; but these individuals usually live very unhappy and unsatisfied lives.

What happens if a heterosexual oriented person chooses to prefer homosexuals? It is very unlikely to say the least. But I have heard of heterosexuals who are bi-curious and never act on it. Straight girls kissing other girls, bromances, gay for pay, these are examples of people who may be heterosexual normally but prefer the same gender for some outside reason other than TRUE sexual reasons.

Ideally, Homo or Hetero oriented people prefer their orientation.

So a person may be truly bisexual in their sexual orientation (beliefs, experiences, feelings) but their sexual preference may be just …gay. But sexual preference may not be dependent on genatalia for the bisexual. Many factors may come into play. But that depends on each individual person and circumstance. Tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree? Is preference changable? Is orientation fixed? Speak your mind!

One thought on “Sexual Orientation vs Preference

  1. I remember when we chatted about this quite awhile back. And the points you make now are just as valid as when we talked before. You even made a vid about it when you answered my question about bisexual people falling in love…….. I appreciate hearing your perspective so much…..



Leave a Reply


You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo


Twitter picture


Facebook photo


Connecting to %s
