For many reasons, we sometimes find that a negative part of our brain develops. It tells us we are worthless beings that deserve very little and over time, this inevitably affects us and possibly contributes to anxious and depressive thoughts.

It then becomes a familiar well worn path that is easy to access and probably underpins how we live our lives. However, it does not have to be like this. Just as we learnt how to criticise ourselves, we can learn how to be kind to ourselves.

The concept of the 'compassionate mind' comes from Professor Paul Gilbert's book called 'Overcoming Depression' (2000). Here, we share with you some ideas for developing your own compassionate mind as a way of taking care of ourselves which we totally attribute to Professor Gilbert.

How to start ...

To begin with we need to learn how to value compassion - as it can make us stronger and more confident. For some people compassion is akin to being weak and lacking in energy and drive, and as such is not something to strive for. Yet in reality, it is quite the opposite.

Nelson Mandela and Gandhi are examples of people who are strong and compassionate, and they are known for their energy, drive and strength. Can you think of someone you know, or a personality in the media, who you would consider to be a compassionate and strong role model?

Compassionate qualities include empathy and sympathy

Empathy is about being in touch with how others feel, and in turn being more able to accept and understand our own feelings. It may be a feeling of disappointment or joy, but it is not about telling ourselves that we should be coping and not feeling these things.

Sympathy moves us away from understanding, towards wanting to help to put things right. If we can learn to be sympathetic towards ourselves, we can learn to be sad and not necessarily become depressed or to think that there must be something wrong about feeling sad. It helps us to focus on feeling kind towards ourselves, rather than being hard on ourselves.

Forgiveness and acceptance

Forgiveness recognises that we make mistakes and can learn from them. It allows us to change, as opposed to criticising ourselves at every opportunity and thereby keeping ourselves in a negative and unpleasant place that is difficult to escape.

Acceptance and self awareness allows us to recognise ourselves for who we are. It's about getting to know and like ourselves and using our differences as information we know about ourselves. This is more helpful than wishing we were something else.

Developing feelings of warmth for yourself may feel scary at first, and will probably require some practice. Start by imagining warmth coming towards you, and gradually build up to being able to generate your own warmth.


Compassion is about personal growth, change and development. It is based on self recognition warts and all, and facing all our foibles no matter how painful.

It requires us to commit to taking responsibility for this change through training and perseverance. As with any new skill it will take time, and there will be some setbacks.

The next step is to build a compassionate image, and to do this we need to practice giving it the necessary qualities.

So these are some questions to help you start to build up your own compassionate mind:

  • What would you like your compassionate image to look like?
  • What would s/he or it sound like?
  • What would it feel or smell like?
  • How would you like your image to relate/talk to you?
  • How would you like to be able to relate/talk to your image?

Once you have built up a good image of something or someone that would be able to be kind and compassionate with you, try to start communicating with your image to help you think more favourably about your concerns, fears etc.

You can also use your image to prevent you from returning to old self-critical habits by reminding yourself of your new forgiving and accepting self.


Overcoming Depression: a self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques
by Paul Gilbert,
Publisher: Robinson, London (2000),
ISBN: 1-84119-125-6