How Is This Not a TV Show Yet?

Joggers + Cops = Must-see TV.

Mark Remy

Is it just me, readers, or is Japan a veritable geyser of creative running-related inspiration lately?

First we had last week's reports of the Tomatan and of Dole's "edible wearable" banana, both of which made their debut at Sunday's Tokyo Marathon. Now, this, from The Japan Times:

Yes. Jogging cops.

If you are anything like me – and God help you if you are – you, also, had the following three thoughts immediately upon seeing that:

  1. Jogging cops!
  2. This demands to be made into a TV pilot.
  3. About jogging cops!

    How has no one thought of this yet? It's brilliant. It's like .

    I mean, the thing practically writes itself. Starting with the show's tagline. JOG COPS: They Find the Bodies... and the Scumbags Who Left 'Em.®


    I have taken the liberty of roughing out a list of characters.

    Captain John Stackman, a cynical 30-year veteran of the force who's seen it all and who enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: During times of great stress, sliding open desk drawer to reveal bottle of bourbon... then closing it and opening another drawer, revealing running shoes, which he then grabs before heading out the door.
    Sample Dialogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I've been here 30 years. I've seen it all."

    Officer Derek Landau, a former Marine who has a soft side and who enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: Jogging in place while he reads suspects their Miranda rights.
    Sample Dialogue: "That kiss meant something. We can't just jog away and pretend nothing happened."

    Officer Victoria Slancen, a rookie who's got something to prove and who enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: Taking walk breaks even while pursuing bad guys.
    Sample Dialogue: "My whole life, everyone told me, 'You'll never make it as a Jog Cop.' Maybe they were right."

    Officer Mac "Mac" McNeil, a hotheaded loose cannon who plays by his own rules and who enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: Jogging to crime scene, "breaking" yellow police tape with hands raised in triumph.
    Sample Dialogue: "You know what I am? I'm your worst stinkin' nightmare – I'm a jogger with a badge!"

    Sergeant Scruffers, the unit's loyal K-9 officer, who enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: Urinating on perp's foot after perp has been handcuffed, humiliating the bad guy and cracking up his fellow officers.
    Sample Dialogue: "Woof."

    "Doc," a crime lab genius who can't resist obvious puns and who, when he's off duty, also enjoys jogging
    Trademark Move: Pausing to foam-roll at inopportune times. 
    Sample Dialogue: "Let me... run something by you. Maybe it'll... jog your memory."

    See? Pure gold.

    To any agents and producers reading this, please make checks payable to Mark Remy and mail to Portland, Oregon, USA.

    And if this doesn't quite do it for you, I have another idea for a show. Totally different. It's about lawyers who jog. Call me.

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