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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 16, 2012 11:00pm-11:30pm PDT

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led too? oh, well, at least she was ugly. central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central show". my name is jon stewart. we got one tonight. our guest tonight ambassador ivo daalder which i'm assuming is just another sasha baron cohen character so. we're excited about -- actually the ambassador to nato. maybe he will bomb us. [ laughter ] tonight we begin some place very special. [ laughter ] submitted for your approval a small town near virginia maryland border.
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meet joe a simple fellow who speaks from his heart. his honesty is about to trap him in a terible place a place where straightforward sentiment is three days of (bleep). a place we call washington, d.c. [ laughter ] [twilight zone music playing] [ laughter ] i probably should have gone with like zone or vortex would have made more sense. anyway, last sunday vice president biden made an appearance on "meet the press" and was asked about gay marriage. >> i am absolutely comfortable with the fact that men marrying men, women marrying women and heterosexual men and women are entitled to the same exact rights, all the civil rights, all the civil liberties. >> jon: a moment of candor straightforward and concise from
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joe biden tsms nice to see him so honest spshly how mysterious he is about that teardrop tattoo. [ laughter ] i'm just saying you don't snitch in de. that's all i'm saying. no. [ laughter ] so joe biden very straightforward way progay marriage. how did this come about? >> i take a look at when things really began to change when the social culture changes. i think will and grace probably did more to educate the american public than almost anything anyone has ever done so far. ♪ fictitious gays fictitious gays everybody loves fictitious gays ♪ >> jon: here is my impression of ellen degeneres during that comment. i always cut myself -- [ laughter ]
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ahhh. joe bide money in a moment of weakness says what he really feels about the issue of gay marriage. i assume he recognized the error of his ways in washington, d.c. immediately. >> almost immediately after the program air biden's office said he was speaking him r for himself and not making new policy. >> jon: it's the old mom routine. if it were up to me, honey, i would let you go to the party. i would buy you a six pack to share with your friends but you know how your father is. obviously bide season speaking for himself and not the president of the united states. >> david axelrod tweeted this "what vp said that all married couples should have exactly the same legal rights is precisely the position." >> jon: hash tag bieber just a
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refresm. he said it's the position because vp said hash tag gay marriage good lol. it's probably not as simple as vp and potus have same position. jay carney. >> let me be clear. the vice president said what the said about the protection of rights with citizens is consistent with the president's position on this issue. the president has spoken about this. the president is the right person to describe his own personal views. he, as you know said his views on this were evolving. >> jon: ah. [ laughter ] so with regards to gay marriage the vice president's new position is consistent with the president's position which has not changed and is also changing. [ laughter ] that's not a social policy that's a zen cone. mr. carney --
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>> it is as it was, yes. [ laughter ] >> jon: it is as it was. [ laughter ] and what master is the sound of one man sweating? and why are they sweating physical so hard. >> so sensitive to biden doing this because number one gay money in this election has replaced wall street money. >> jon: you know the only difference between gay money and wall street money is when you put gay money in one of them tacky develop crow wallets, it rolls its eyes. for more joined by john oliver at the white house. the president says his views evolving. he is 50 years old. what is he waiting for? will and grace not able to work their magic on the president? >> don't be so glib. you and i both know views on these issues could be deeply
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root and personal. it's up to each and every individual which sitcom will inform their world view. >> jon: i understand. >> join will and grace here. president obama was less concerned about gay marriage and more concerned about raymond and how many people loved him. how exhausting that must have been for raymond. >> jon: it was exhausting. >> it was. >> jon: has the president seen modern family? >> he has, jon. i'm not saying he is all the way there but he has to admit cam and mitch israel meant to be. >> jon: undeniable chemistry. >> they are both great parents. >> jon: it's the writing. >> it is. >> jon: but the point is this, is the president's entire view of gay marriage shaped by television? >> no, no jon, of course. if that were true he would be a huge fan of gay marriage. let's face it tv has never been gayer. smash, glee and that sport where guys roll around and punch each
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other in the -- >> jon: i actually don't think that one is considered gay. >> what? what is not gay about that jon? i think that might be the gayest thing i've ever seen. [ laughter ] that's ancient greek gay. >> jon: fine. >> i'm not going to argue about this it's a fact! jonches accord according to your reporting we're a long way for the president supporting gay marriage. >> for the time being but let's face it. evolution sun knowable. look how far he has come on this issue. >> the the windy city times posted the copy of a 1996 questionnaire on its web site filled out and signed by mr. obama running for the illinois state senate. he wrote i favor legalizing same-sex marriages and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages. >> jon: wow. i mean that's full on support. he supported it back then. >> absolutely unequivocally supported it, jon. then he evolved.
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>> jon: into what? >> a candidate, jon. [ laughter ] >> jon: i get it. thank you, john. ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing new dentyne split to fit pack. it splits in to two smaller, sleeker packs that fit almost anywhere so you can take them everywhere. dentyne split to fit. practice safe breath.
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i'm an architect because i love cities and i love buildings. this used to be a cheese factory right? whole new steel structure on this floor. coffee or no coffee? pour the footing and you give yourself two inches. technology. it really does influence how you interact with life. hey, did you get that powerpoint? that's a nice looking building! i think this is science fiction. look at that! the revolutionary galaxy note, from samsung.
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>> jon: welcome back to the show! i would like to talk about cognitive dissonance. [ laughter ] it's when you hold two contradictory ideas in your mind at the same time. like i've been on food stamps and welfare, anybody help me out? no. >> jon: i was on food stamps and welfare and nobody helped me. [ laughter ] pulled himself up by his boot straps with food stamps and welfare.
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for most people these ideas fight like two wrapped in a bag. they'll drive you crazy but some people are able to square that circle and those two opposing ideas end up make sweet love to each other. like two rats in a bag. there are very few things, really very few things rats in a bag won't do. here is another one. republicans like all americans wanted very much to see osama bin laden dead. at the same time they believe barack obama sin capable of doing -- is incapable of doing anything right. how do you get those rats to start fighting and start (bleep). [ laughter ] >> the thing about heros, they don't brag. the killing of osama bin laden and he said he wasn't going to be gloating and he wants to make a victory lap wit. advertise distasteful. >> the president said he wouldn't spike the football. >> the obama administration wants to make it look like he
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did everything include you fast roping out the helicopter and pulling the trigger. >> jon: fine you got our number one enemy but you bragged so it doesn't count. if obama had pulled the trigger republicans would have complained he was taking jobs away from hard-working navy seals. [ applause ] but undeniable barack obama did actually give the order to get bin laden. how do you minimize that? >> i don't think it was a tough decision. to not make that decision it seemed to be would be dumbfounding. >> in your mind not a tough decision? >> not at all. >> jon: it would the be dumb founding. it would about insane. it would be cuckoo for cocoa puffs. one person who did have the chance to go after high level top al qaeda op pra actives in
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pakistan -- oh, donald rumsfeld. [ laughter ] in 2005 and he didn't authorize the mission. from what i understand even people in the room with obama had their doubts. >> secretary of defense robert gates recommended an air strike with no forces inserted on the ground. vice president biden wanted to wait on further proof that bin laden was there. >> as we walked out the room, he said, you know it's time to make a decision. i know this sounds trite, the president is all alone. all alone. >> jon: i mean trust me, i am no help to that man at all. [ laughter ] i'm going to tell you something. [ applause ] i'm going to tell you something, brian, and i mean this sincerely it's from the bottom of my heart, i'm like having one less brain in the room. [ laughter ] until fact i want to go on record right now saying that
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terrorists should be able to get married. they should get married. [ laughter ] i learned that from watching will and grace. [ laughter ] so the killing of bin laden is a tough one. what about the auto bailouts obama recommend snnched the auto companies needed to go through bankruptcy before government help. that was the right course. i argued for it from the very beginning and when that was done and help was given the companies got back on their feet. i'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry has come back. >> jon: what? first of all that was awesome. [ laughter ] you can just take credit for -- (bleep). i remember saying saying to a ff mine i wish toll booths weren't
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such a pain in the ass and they slowed down traffic so much. so you know what ez-pass you know what you're welcome. that was me. i'm that guy. i told somebody in a bar ifts like (bleep) this i don't want to wait. boom! by the way, mitt romney, you thought obama's plan of a tax tear backed re-- taxpayer backed restructuring wasn't no good. you wanted private investors like your bain capital do to that which is funny because they didn't want to do that. in fact no private capital wanted to reinvest that's why the taxpayers had to do it and that's why you were against that. instead the obama administration bailed them out and it worked. i like the strategy instead of criticizing obama for things hes had had done right find ways to claim those. i know how to really tie this up
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in a neat package. a few years ago mitt romney shared this touching childhood memory. >> my dad marched with martin luther king. >> jon: now while technically it turns out that wasn't true. it feels true. you know, (bleep), as a boy mitt romney marched marched witn luther king. fine, let's do that and as a direct result of his -- i hadn't seen that. that's nice. as a direct result, the barriers that could have kept a certain young black man out of law school fell away. without romney's help would never have elected its first black president which means that president would never have given the ors to kill osama bin laden. so who killed osama bin laden?
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>> i'll take a lot of credi ♪ [ electronic ] [ air rushing ] [ man ] i'm shooting video. ♪ o superman i can also use the camera button... to take photos at the same time. [ announcer ] the htc one, available from t-mobile.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is the united states ambassador to nato. please welcome ambassador ivo daalder. [cheers and applause] hello, sir. nice to see you. come and sit. how are you? >> great. >> jon: it's nice to see you. i would think people would be surprised to find out that we have an ambassador to nato which is not a country it's a group of fighter jets. [ laughter ] but is this -- have we always had an ambassador? does each country have an ambassador? >> we're 28 members and each country has an ambassador just like in the united nations where each country has an ambassador there. nato was a military alliance so we do have a lot of fighter jets
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as countries but i'm -- i represent the united states at this small little round table where we do a lot -- >> jon: is it really a round table? >> it really is. it's round. >> jon: all 28 countries. >> how little is the table. is it giant? how uncomfortable. in terms of spacing how much room do you have around this small table? >> got news is the united states comes last in the alphabet when we seat according to english seating. if we do it to french we're in the middle. >> jon: are you kidding me? >> this is how it works. >> jon: we're going to sit french seeght today. we're going to sit english seating. >> what is french seating everyone on everybody's laps? i don't understand. are they making out the whole time? >> that's a different kind of -- [ laughter ] >> jon: we have the new nato
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summit. there's a summit. in the united states hasn't been here in a while. >> hasn't been here since 1999. the first time we had a summit the it's outside washington, d.c. in the great stiff chicago. >> jon: it's very exciting. it's the smart defense initiative. is that correct? >> that's one of initiatives were putting forward, yes. >> jon: how does that contrast with the defense initiatives we've been doing in the past that we didn't think to name smart? >> it's a good question which is -- >> jon: thank you. >> it really is because it isn't true that we've been doing dumb defense up to that point. we noticed that. >> jon: when you say smart defense you don't think ooh i think this might actually look bad ultimately. >> because of using that language. what we're trying to do is having countries facing significant financial problems finding waying how can they use
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the dollars they spend on defense smarter than they did before hand. >> the hypothetical countries having financial problems -- [ laughter ] >> jon: would that include anybody. >> all 28. >> jon: is anybody going to raise their hand and say i don't know what you are talking about? >> the norwegians turn out -- they have a lot of oil. they are doing quite well and increasing defense spending, one of few countries that is. >> jon: why? >> they think it's time for them to do their fair share for the defense of the alliance. that's what this is. >> jon: they think it's time to take over the world, i thought you were going to say. [ laughter ] they think it's time to get a standing army and see what they can get away with. >> that would bay challenge for a country of four million people but nevertheless -- >> jon: i'll have a good at that. >> if you have enough money perhaps. >> jon: russia has made some noise about preemptively strike
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striking our missile shield. are you nervous at all that russia is going to start a war with nato? or is that too serious a question to ask and answer from me? >> it's very important question. i'm not nervous about it. there's a clear difference between russia and nato about missile defense. both presidents want to resolve that through dialog. we don't think there's any reason for russia to be aafraid of having defensively capabilities deployed in europe designed to defend europe against a threat from outside europe, not russia. there's no reason to preempt. >> jon: when you say we would like to resolve this through dialog, does anything not that say that? it doesn't seem like anybody would say we would like to resolve this by bombing you?
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seems like they wouldn't necessarily lay it out like that. >> that's true but there were times in the alliance when there was no dialogs with the russians or soviets, as they uses to be called, where we didn't do any talking, we had much bigger arms ready to strike. it's better to have a conversation. >> jon: who watches brazil's ass? [ laughter ] >> there's a -- the organization of american states which we are one of members as a treaty not unlike the treaty signed in washington in 1949 but it isn't quite the same thing. this is the only military alliance where 28 countries have an integrated military command structure so that if there's a need to use force they can make that decision quickly and move forward and use force quickly as you saw in libya last year. >> jon: fascinating stuff. before we go, who are we attacking next? [ laughter ] just blink -- i'll say a country
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and you blink if. -- if i am right. norway. boom we're going in. ambassador ivo daalder. [ laughter ] [cheers and ap technology eases the pain of being on the road so much... ...and away from the family. we both exchange things back and forth. we got another message. let's see here...oh! that's beautiful. you going to draw papa a picture? i'm going to draw him in the sky with an airplane. okay, let's send it. i think it's way beyond little icons and symbols. i'm looking at you. are you looking at me? yea. i feel like i'm there. the revolutionary galaxy note, from samsung.
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