Day 17

Published by pam on Sat, 04/28/2012 - 8:08pm

Day 17.  The oncologist said my hair would begin falling out on day 17.  I have come to believe that he often gives me definitive answers when there are none. I want to know when my hair will fall out.  He says day 17.  As if it's an absolute.  As if he has no doubt.


Day17, my hair begins to fall of out.  Just like he said.  I hope he is as accurate about other things (like cure rates) as he was about this.  


I only had a quarter of an inch of hair left so I thought losing what is left wouldn't be a big deal.  But it is.  It turns my stomach. 


I have controlled what I can in this process, but I am reminded, as I scrub away what is left of my stubble, exactly how much is out of my control.  Most days I feel quite strong and determined.  But today I remember that underneath all that determination is a patchwork of scars, chemo related discomforts,  frustrations, and fears.  I been cut up and shorn.   Watching the water pool in the drain, the truth of it all is hard to forget.



I somehow lost my first missive - went to preview then lost it.  Darn.
Anyhow, I have not forgotten my promise to take you for ride around the bay in my row boat.  But life has to slow down a little first.  Ted and I leave on Saturday for a two week tour of universities in the UK.  I will actually be visiting with a student of mine in Ireland; another will start in Scotland in the fall.  The world becomes smaller with each passing year. 
Much love.

What an interesting career you have built for yourself.  Enjoy the trip and all of the wonderful things the UK has to offer.  The bay will still be here when you return and so will we.