Stop the Bullshit: I'm Not Living My Life to Find a Man

For some reason, people think it's ok to dictate how a woman should conduct herself based on what men will find acceptable. As if being anything besides a delicate flower who dares not to swear or throw down on some chicken wings is the only way to find love. Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't know, let me be the first to tell you—I don't give a fuck. 

I refuse to put a filter on my personality because a man might not like me for who I am. In the words of Auntie Mary J, "take me as I am or have nothing at all". If a man can't accept me saying "tits" or "pussy" then he's not the one for me. The irony is men say these words all the time when it comes to discussing us with their fellow assholes, but we aren't allowed to use these words without being deemed as unladylike and the words actually pertain to our bodies. 

Don't get me wrong, I want love and hope to find it in my lifetime. However, I will not sacrifice my true self to have it. After all, if a man isn't getting the real me how can it be real love? 

The worst thing about this whole "act accordingly so you can find a man" perception is when women say it. It's like the ultimate betrayal. Here we are both fighting to keep control of our uteruses and you're concerned about me spitting on the ground because of what a man may think. The same mouth you use to tell me to love myself and my body, you use to tell me to bridle my personality or I will never find a man. When you constantly tell women how to act in order to satisfy men's taste you're adding to the mentally oppressive society from which we're trying to escape. You're literally telling her what a man wants matters more than who she really is and her desires. 

The big question is, who told anyone that every woman is actively looking for a mate? Newsflash—this isn't the 50s! Women don't have to measure their success by how soon they can get married. No, I'm not saying we shouldn't yearn to find a companion. Shit, that's human nature. What I'm saying is there are so many things to accomplish besides being someone's girlfriend or wife. With me trying to travel, work a full-time job, grow my edges, develop businesses and remember to love myself, I have so much more to think about than a boyfriend. Especially one who can't handle my spouts of vulgarity. 

My life is MY life and, instead of me altering myself, whoever my soulmate is should fall into it naturally. So fuck what people have to say about me not being able to find a man if I continue to be the way I am. I'm not stopping my shine because a man can't handle the glow.  


Rachel Adeniyi