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[–]WhatACunningHam 17.8k points17.8k points 22 (302 children)

One of those kids is going to ask for a Red Ryder BB gun claiming how impossible it is to put your eye out with one. Do not believe his little lies.

[–]MrValdemar 4229 points4230 points  (187 children)

And the other can't put his arms down.

[–]LongJohnBeerTank 2054 points2055 points  (149 children)

They literally look both like Ralphy and Randy

[–]MrValdemar 603 points604 points  (49 children)

I KNOW, RIGHT!? Someone needs to take those boys to the Christmas Story house in Cleveland. Stat.

[–]Pats420 728 points729 points  (36 children)

They've already gone through not having parents for a while. Do we really need to make things worse by sending them to Cleveland?

[–]Slim01111 130 points131 points  (12 children)

And eats like a piggy, oink oink

[–]Jeremybearemy 67 points68 points  (11 children)

Mommy’s little piggy!

[–]squunchkin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You can put your arms down when you get to school.

[–]bonyponyride 321 points322 points  (23 children)

The one on the left will tell you all kinds of random facts, like how the human head weighs eight pounds.

[–]mikebellman 51 points52 points  (17 children)

How much do you think my head weighs? [skip to 2:59]

[–]CeleryStore 33 points34 points  (10 children)

next time hit pause on the point you want to start

-Click share

-Start at check box is bottom of pop-up

with or without hair?

[–]mikebellman 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Neat. Don’t see that on mobile app. But neat.

[–]mark636199 136 points137 points  (3 children)

I was thinking why they adopted him and not stuart little

[–]Dexter_Jettster 53 points54 points  (4 children)


[–]tremillow 37 points38 points  (3 children)

... but I didn’t say fudge

[–]chiliedogg 34 points35 points  (2 children)

And then he's gonna convince Tom Cruise to marry Renne Zelweger.

[–]Mild__sauce 68 points69 points  (7 children)

It’s not just any ole’ Red Ryder BB gun...it’s (inhales) an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

[–]HeyMySock 11 points12 points  (2 children)

What sort of magical THING could possibly tell time?

[–]Blexcr0id 61 points62 points  (2 children)


[–]EntropicReaver 35 points36 points  (2 children)

reminded me of stuart little's brother

[–]SexceptableIncredibl 11.8k points11.8k points 2 (538 children)

Those will be the two most moisturized white men in America. Post more pics in the future.

[–]Whirled_Peas- 2689 points2690 points  (122 children)

I’m white and my cousins are mixed. One time, I slept over at their house and the next day we went to church. My cousin put lotion all up in my hair before we left, same as she did to herself. I looked like a little greaseball.

[–]fluentsyntax 880 points881 points  (80 children)

omg i’m mixed and i did this to the neighbor friend i was hanging out w. we were playing with hair stuff and her mom was so pissed that i put so much of my product in that girl’s hair. we were like ten.

[–]Pelvic_Siege_Engine 461 points462 points  (31 children)

I had my white cousin with straight hair stay with us and she wanted to use my Pantene ‘For Women of Color’ shampoo and conditioner cuz it smelled good.

I told her she may not like it since it’s made for curly hair, but told her to go for it.

She was complaining the whole day how gross her hair felt, cuz it over moisturized it.

[–]yiotaturtle 111 points112 points  (14 children)

I stayed with a friend once and just picked one of the shampoos to use, my hair looked worse after the shower. Her mom was mad cause I guess it was an expensive shampoo too.

[–]blitheobjective 168 points169 points  (42 children)

One time I got black people hair conditioner thinking it'd be extra conditioning for my hair. It took over a week for the grease look to come out my hair lol.

[–]Tonytarium 141 points142 points  (39 children)

Yea we need a lot more moisture for our hair lol I imagine for y'all its just like a wet mess

[–]ColonelKetchup13 90 points91 points  (27 children)

Wait, what conditioner is this?? My boyfriend is white but every hair dresser, white or black, gives him so much shit about how dry his hair is even though he oils it every day and washes it like once a week.


[–]Tonytarium 49 points50 points  (9 children)

Does he use conditioner specifically for black people? If he'd like to try it I will say there are two types of conditioners we use. One for in the shower that can be used to "wash" instead of a shampoo, and then a leave-in conditioner that is applied after the shower while the hair is still wet, which helps keeps moisture in, in addition to a little olive oil.

[–]ColonelKetchup13 9 points10 points  (8 children)

No he doesn't. I honestly never even thought to look for conditioner meant for black hair. We use a Moroccan hair mask in the shower and oil outside the shower (i have straight, fine hair but oil does wonders for everyone). If you could recommend a brand for a wash and a leave in, that would be amazing. I hate just picking up random products and either kinda liking it or hating it. It's hard to find good quality stuff.

[–]LaVieLaMort 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Yeah have him stop using shampoo. Honestly it just does more damage. I’m white but I use co washing as a way to combat the dryness of my hair. I use As I Am Coconut Co Wash. it’s available at Walmart, Target and sally beauty. I also put regular conditioner on it too after wards and then use leave in conditioner. I use Renpure’s leave in. It doesn’t make my hair greasy. I also alternate with Renpure’s cleansing conditioner. And then once a month or so I won’t do anything to my hair and let my natural oils build up and then use a boar bristle brush to distribute it.

Shampoo is basically soap for your hair and soap strips the natural oils out of skin and hair. Imagine how dry your hands are after washing them a bunch of times in a row. Why do that to your hair?

[–]CountyRoad 89 points90 points  (11 children)

What does lotion on the hair do? Does it lock in moisture like it does your skin? I’m seriously asking cause I never heard of this and so fascinated.

[–]ItsJustATux 135 points136 points  (6 children)

Hair lotion and skin lotion are usually different. When you hear ‘hair lotion’ it usually means a styling cream. Basically all of our hair products are about adding moisture, hence the name.

[–]Maverick8787 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info - I too had no idea this was a thing. Now when someone talks about hair lotion I won’t be so confused :)

[–]RainbowMax 34 points35 points  (0 children)

It's a different kind of lotion actually. There's all different kinds but they're referring to one called "pink oil moisturizer lotion" and it looks like lotion but it's made for hair. It's good for making it softer and giving it a little shine :)

[–]misscpb 111 points112 points  (8 children)

Was it lusters pink lotion?

[–]samuelveritas 252 points253 points  (3 children)

I'm a 34 year old mixed guy in a town with not too many brown people, and I've been using pink since like day one!! I love seeing a reference to this shit!!

Edit: Got so stoked on the luster's pink lotion, I forgot to mention I'm adopted too!! Haha, love seeing this!!

[–]dannythecarwiper 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Lol I'm digging the excitement

[–]caitlinreid 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Motions hair conditioner and cocoa butter.

[–]lynivvinyl 594 points595 points  (16 children)

As a white male who has moisturized since my lovely neighbor/extra mom from the Cayman Islands got a hold of my ashy elbows. I completely agree.

[–]Diss_Gruntled_Brundl 150 points151 points  (1 child)

I want a lovely neighbor/extra mom from the Caymans. Is the house on the other side for sale??

[–]Marinaisgo 338 points339 points  (25 children)

My hubs is white so I have lots of white family. It's been 15 years, they're all constantly surprised at the amount of moisturizer around me at all times. Like, what do you think this is, a fucking game?

[–]Rayraymaybeso 200 points201 points  (19 children)

My girlfriend is Haitian, she totally kicks ass, I love the eff out of her, and I can confirm..... it is not a game. At first, I was hesitant, but I couldn’t hold against her wrath and soon I was putting on the cocoa butter twice a week. Quickly it became a nightly ritual to dowse myself in it. Hopefully, black won’t crack will apply to this scruffy ginger too. At least that’s our hope. Pray for me 🙏🏻

[–]BibbidiBobbityBoop 109 points110 points  (12 children)

Sunscreen will have a stronger effect.

[–]r1singphoenix 75 points76 points  (1 child)


I couldn't hold against her wrath

Blink twice if she's standing behind you

[–]RossPerotVan 17 points18 points  (2 children)

White girl engaged to a Dominican lady. Same for me. She really did not understand sunburn when we first got together. Until I got my feet bad and they swelled up like hams. Now it's sun screen and lotion all the time.

[–]Weasel02 799 points800 points  (304 children)

Those knees look ashy already

[–]chile847 805 points806 points  (299 children)

As a white guy who grew up going to summer camp with all black kids this joke made laugh out loud

[–]funktopus 416 points417 points  (44 children)

I learned from dating a black lady. I made a joke about how much lotion she had and how I should buy stock. She then didn't put lotion on one arm for a day and showed me the difference.

Lotion yourself kids it helps.

[–]Honisno 164 points165 points  (41 children)

Do black people just have naturally dryer skin? My family is dark enough to the point that dry skin would stand out, but we are downright oily. I don't understand how someone could get noticeably dry skin in one day.

[–]RandomRedditReader 307 points308 points  (10 children)

Nah it's just easier to see dryness on dark skinned people because your dry dead skin cells flake off leaving behind a powdery looking residue. It gets real bad if you live in dry climates. I am Caribbean/white mixed so I do fine in humidity but during the winter I look like a fish out of water (lips and nose).

[–]funktopus 113 points114 points  (18 children)

I'm an average white guy and most normal soap dries me out. I ended up using the hippie soap and lotion. I'm then usually good for the day. Depending on the season I will dry out pretty quickly the older I get. Winter kills me, my hands will crack and bleed if I'm not careful. Worse if I'm in the shop.

She lotioned after showering and before bed usually. It made a difference for her. I can't speak to all black folks but that's pretty common for ladies from what I've been told/witnessed. I buddy of mine wouldn't lotion usually and we'd call him ashy Larry to fuck with him.

[–]Xmeagol 196 points197 points  (251 children)

can you explain this? is it a cultural thing to use moisturizer?

[–]purplestgiraffe 950 points951 points  (230 children)

Dark skin shows dry, dead skin patches really clearly- "ashy" is the word used to describe this- compared to pale skin, so black people use moisturizer all the time to combat this. It is also common for black Americans to express amazement at how unmoisturized white people are, since they were brought up putting lotion on every day, or multiple times a day, and would feel physically uncomfortable with dry skin much sooner than a white person.

[–]Xmeagol 138 points139 points  (57 children)


thank you!

[–]deusdragon 116 points117 points  (44 children)

Am black. Can confirm. I have three different kinds of lotion at my desk at work.

[–]Notuniquesnowflake 95 points96 points  (14 children)

You think this is why "black don't crack", but a lot of white men's skin starts looking like a topographic map by the time we hit 60? Imma start moisturizing.

[–]deusdragon 38 points39 points  (3 children)

I just made that connection as well. I think you might be right.

[–]Notuniquesnowflake 71 points72 points  (2 children)

I think it's probably a combination of moisturizer and higher levels of melanin which better protect skin from sun damage. So I'll use a lotion with SPF for the full effect!

[–]CumGuzzlingStonerBro 51 points52 points  (2 children)

I'm glad someone understands! I keep Eucerine Smoothing Repair, Eucerine Intensive Repair, and Coconut oil on my desk. Sometimes I need just the right combination to make my skin perfect for the day. It mostly depends on the weather.

[–]deusdragon 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yep. I have the Eucerine Intensive Repair, Aveeno Daily Moisturizing lotion, and a homemade, coconut oil and cocoa butter based lotion bar that I got from Etsy. So I feel your struggle.

[–]white_androidCaution: Trying to recruit children... 210 points211 points  (11 children)

[–]fredspipa 64 points65 points  (0 children)

This bit is actually the thing that finally got me to start moisturizing. Some true public service announcement right there.

[–]alina_Black 38 points39 points  (0 children)

This needs more upvotes. He’s funny as hell

[–]hellablunted 336 points337 points  (73 children)


I'm not black, I'm Filipino and pretty brown. Growing up, whenever I would watch movies or TV and I'd see a white character get out of the shower and immediately put on their underwear and clothes.

I'd always think to myself, "Eww, don't they put lotion on first?"

Now I know it's a cultural thing. Thank you lol

[–]Johnlsullivan2 147 points148 points  (16 children)

Yeah, had no idea that was a thing. I only use moisturizer in the winter when it's super dry out.

[–]eros_bittersweet 98 points99 points  (14 children)

I think certain skin types are more oily or dry, though. Lucky for me, I have both - an oily face that hates moisturizer, and hands, feet, knees and elbows that will literally crack and bleed without it.

[–]theidleidol 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I have largely the reverse.

Which is as gross as it sounds.

[–]Cheapancheerful 67 points68 points  (46 children)

I'm white and I use lotion all over after the shower and have since I was like 13. Honestly thought other white folks did this too...

[–]Xxmustafa51 109 points110 points  (31 children)

What the fuck kind of parallel universe am I witnessing here?? I’ve never used lotion before in 30 years of existence except when some girl put some on me in middle school and the only thing I remember about it is it felt fuckin gross all slimy and shit...I don’t understand the hype

[–]Kittenhockey 68 points69 points  (4 children)

Agreed. I have never needed lotion in my life. I find a healthy mix of greasy foods and drinking lots seems to keep my skin quite supple.

[–]GiltLorn 96 points97 points  (61 children)

I have never heard this but it makes me laugh for some reason. Not the discomfort of others, but the saddened amazement about unmoisturized skin.

[–]Cloberella 173 points174 points  (20 children)

I worked at a day care and there was a little African American girl who was sent with a tub of moisturizer at the beginning of each year and instructions to use it on her hands and and feet during every diaper change.

Unrelated but cute story, her name was Michael. She had 3 brothers. Her father wanted to name one of the sons after himself, and the mother kept telling him "next one". Well, they decided that their 4th child was going to be their last, and so the husband told the mother that he didn't care if she was a boy or a girl, this baby will be his Junior. And so Miss Michael was born. She was the cutest funniest little thing, I miss her quite a bit. She was small for her age and had a voice like a chipmunk. She'd probably be around 8 or 9 now.

[–]PolPotatoe 46 points47 points  (9 children)

So Star Trek Discovery's Michael Burnham was based on a true story?

[–]MyStationIsAbandoned 142 points143 points  (22 children)

it's mainly a girl thing, but it's a black guy thing too by extension because of our mothers (I'm black). You'll also see young black guys always brushing their hair because their mothers are constantly telling them "yo head is nappy" everyday, all day, forever and ever because a lot of them straighten their hair out and forget what it's like to have natural black hair so they think everything is nappy.

And don't get me started on the insistence of using cocobutter. Just thinking about the smell makes me want to throw up.

[–]Koozzie 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Man you had me with the "they forget how natural hair is". I was clapping. I was like "he gets it!"

Then you had to bad mouth my cocoa butter. I love that smell, man lol top 10 anime betrayals right here

Palmer's cocoa butter is my shit

[–]white_androidCaution: Trying to recruit children... 46 points47 points  (6 children)

Cocoa butter is the best thing for scars ever.

Dude around the corner fell off his moped and had some road rash, used some cocoa butter and you can't even tell.

[–]Koozzie 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Bruh, I had a scar from when I was a baby. A hot iron had dropped on my thigh. That iron mark was there for sooooo long. My grandma would rub cocoa butter on it every time I saw her. Eventually that shit just went away

Cocoa butter is the main ingredient in black girl magic, probably. Wait, do we have a black boy magic? I'm mad that I can't just use black magic because that's an entirely different thing lol

[–]itsmemrskeltal 74 points75 points  (5 children)

Yo fam don't down cocoa butter that shit is the truth

[–]imatumahimatumah 56 points57 points  (3 children)

I'm a white dude, I love the smell of cocoa butter, how could you not? I thought we'd have one thing that we could all be united on.

[–]yetisa 66 points67 points  (0 children)

I’m a white girl and I remember back in 8th grade in science class my black boyfriend was running his hand through my hair, playing with it and his fingers got caught in a snarl. He loudly exclaimed in a shocked voice, “I didn’t know white girls got naps!” The whole class cracked up and the teacher explained through her laughter that they were called “tangles” 😂

[–]AKittyCat 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Somewhere in this thread someone just had an "Ah Ha " moment over Ashy Larry.

[–]white_androidCaution: Trying to recruit children... 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"I thought he was just covered in flour or cocaine"

[–]ethrael237 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Excellent explanation!

[–]jetmax25 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Im a white man who got in the habit of moisturizing every day and i can absolutely feel it if i miss a day. My skin starts to feel crackley and dry.

[–]ladyevenstar-22 12 points13 points  (1 child)

White people should moisturize too , might not think you need it but when you get old your skin will remind me you should have .

[–]Mogwire 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Also one of the good reasons why black don’t crack.

All my friends from school look young compared to me because they would lotion regularly.

Had I known.

[–]inDface 33 points34 points  (2 children)

I think this has more to do with darker skin absorbing harmful UV less deeply, more so than surface moisturizing.

[–]Kingchubs 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Higher trans-epidermal loss from not using lotion also can age skin prematurely

[–]MunichRob 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m almost 50 years old and you taught me me something new today. Thank you!

[–]mikebellman 35 points36 points  (3 children)

As a white kid who grew up in the suburbs, I didn’t know or later, understand why darker skin folks used moisturizer or lotion until well into my twenties. I was clueless about dry skin having a different appearance. i never criticized someone based on dry skin, it hadn’t occurred to me.

[–]Xmeagol 32 points33 points  (1 child)

I think everyone should use moisturizers, healthy skin ftw!

[–]SexceptableIncredibl 58 points59 points  (0 children)

She hasn't gotten to them just yet. They'll learn.

[–]pigwalk5150 55 points56 points  (7 children)

White people get ashy too. My elbows could cut glass.

[–]mediocredeer 19 points20 points  (0 children)

RemindMe! 50 years

[–]OMG_STAAAHHP 54 points55 points  (2 children)

I just tried way too hard to stifle my laugh and ended up making a horrible sound through my nose that I can't even describe. This waiting room just got very judgy all the sudden.

[–]rumster 1478 points1479 points  (16 children)

My friend just adopted 3 girls (same mom) and the final one was a couple weeks ago. Wish your aunt the best and the kids the best. Your uncle looks so damn proud!

[–]bowtiesandbooks 230 points231 points  (11 children)

It’s OP’s aunt’s friends not their aunt and uncle just a heads up

[–]HappyMcHappyPants 3435 points3436 points 2 (94 children)

Congratulations and love to all people who choose to foster and adopt. It’s a funny thing. “Outsiders” praise you for your selflessness, bravery and for doing good. You just want to have kids in any way possible, You don’t really see it their way. Your view is you were blessed with the greatest gift of life—to nurture and watch another life blossom right in front of you. And to share a love so deep, it boggles your existence. To love and be loved is what got us there in the first place.

Source: I miscarried 3 times, once after IVF. We then adopted our son at 1 year old and he’s the Joy and fulfillment of our lives. He’s proud he’s adopted and freely talks about it. We’ve always celebrated it. We are a happy family. I hope everyone gets and shares the same fortune. It’s a fortune of love.

Edit: it’s always special to be recognized. Reddit upvotes and awards show we all just want to be loved. Good life karma to you all! Thanks for the love!

[–]SchadenfreudeFred 460 points461 points  (15 children)

This is spot on. My wife and I adopted a sibling group of 3 almost a year ago. We were placed with the oldest and the younger 2 were born over the course of a 4 year dependency. We had similar issues with miscarriages and that is why we decided to foster to adopt. I can’t imagine loving anything more than I love my kids even if we shared genes.

[–]Robobble 58 points59 points  (11 children)

I don’t think I understand. You adopted the older one and then the biological mother continued having children and sending them your way?

Sorry for my ignorance.

[–]SchadenfreudeFred 105 points106 points  (6 children)

The oldest was a foster child that was placed with us. His biological mother had 2 more children over the course of the foster care dependency. I am not sure how it works in other states but in Arizona when a parent has a child removed by the state and the case is ongoing any additional children born are automatically removed and placed in foster care as well. The family fostering the child already in care gets the first call to take placement of any siblings. If they say no the baby goes to a different foster family than their sibling.

The case with out kids took over 4 years partly because their bio mom had 2 more children. Everything seemed to start from scratch again when a new baby came. We adopted all 3 at the same time.

Our kids are full siblings (all 3 have the same mom and dad) and their bio parents had already had their parental rights severed for 2 other children 10 years prior. If another sibling is born we will not go through another foster dependency. That is a situation I wish on no one.

[–]Robobble 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Interesting. Thanks on behalf of all of us I’m sure for being such a good person and stepping up for those kids but holy shit those parents sound awful.

[–]SchadenfreudeFred 26 points27 points  (1 child)

The worst part is they aren’t “young and dumb”, mom was in her late 30’s and dad was in his early 50’s. Just terrible people.

[–]roadkill93 47 points48 points  (4 children)

I was adopted. And hell yeah I know what your kid feels on a spiritual level. When you know you were chosen, there's something extra there. You don't share blood or even look like the parent(s) who raise you, but you know you are loved and above all wanted regardless of any of that. It doesn't leave room to doubt. You're never plagued by those awful thoughts wondering if your parents ever truly wanted to have you or if they just had an oopsie and dealt with the consequences. The answer is right in front of you the whole time.

I would love to adopt someday, when I have the means to. I feel it's my duty to pay it forward. I'm 37 weeks with my first daughter now, and I would love for her to have a sibling. Adopting a child is one of the coolest things you can do as a human being. I'm so happy you get to experience that despite your hardships.

[–]caesar15 41 points42 points  (7 children)

If you don’t mind me asking, how hard was the adoption process?

[–]_here_ 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Not the OP but it varies if you want international (each country varies), domestic infant, or through the foster system. I suspect each state's foster system varies and within a state, it depends if the kids' parental rights have been terminated already or not

[–]fancytrashpanda 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My sister adopted two children out of the foster system in GA. They had to go through the normal process that you go through to be a foster parent, home visits and all that. The only money that they had to spend was on lawyers and court costs. Adoption is always risky, but foster to adopt can go pretty bad. There's always a chance that you could have this child for a long time, only to have a family member come out of the woodwork and take custody, so you can't really feel comfortable with the placement until the adoption is final. That can take anywhere from a few months to years, depending on the child's situation.

[–]PMinisterOfMalaysia 91 points92 points  (5 children)


I plan on adopting at some point but I definitely never wanted to have kids in any way possible. Biological children just aren't it for me, there are already kids here that need so much love that it doesnt make sense for me to personally have them.

Edit: My little sister also had a horrible reaction to the DTaP vaccine around 3 and I'm doing my best so I can set her up for her best life (aka my life) so that's like basically already like having a kid for me.

[–]memymomonkey 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I love this comment. Adoptive mom here. I wanted another child. I wasn't brave or selfless or doing good. The sun rises and sets on my children, my joy.

[–]Bionic_Ferir 44 points45 points  (16 children)

as the son of a parent that was adopted(my mum was adopted) i really love my grandparents because they are the nicest people and only ever loved my mum, in fact they actually forgot she was adopted that was a cute moment i was there for, the only downside i feel is i have no real idea about my genealogy am i actually closely related to royalty or a celebrity, probably not but who knows? Also the "any family history of X" FUCKED IF I KNOW??????

[–]Liz4984 1026 points1027 points  (62 children)

That’s lovely! I hope they all have a beautiful life together.

Edit: Side note, the judge looks happier than the parents. That’s cracking me up! The Dad’s face is like “Oh boy, what did we sign up for.” 😂

[–]fermat1432 495 points496 points  (34 children)

The judge must see a lot of human misery that can't be fixed. Good that he can experience this as well!

[–]Kindredbond 198 points199 points  (14 children)

Adoption day at court is by far the happiest day.

[–]duckydan 28 points29 points  (1 child)

When I adopted my oldest, my lawyer told me how much judges really like doing adoptions.

[–]Coosaw 75 points76 points  (7 children)

My buddy is a family judge in the rural parts of South Carolina. He will not get into specifics, but he tells me he is floored by the awful things parents will do to their children.

[–]fermat1432 52 points53 points  (4 children)

By the way. the fact that he won't share specifics speaks loads about his character,

[–]nonoglorificus 37 points38 points  (1 child)

I hope he has a therapist he can talk to confidentially. My friends who work in law carry a big burden.

[–]fermat1432 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I am sure! Just walking around NYC and riding buses and subways you can see some pretty bad stuff. Parents just not being able to cope

[–]tarotbracket 195 points196 points  (5 children)

The judge is likely very happy. We are proud adoptive parents twice over, and both times the judge and courthouse staff were thrilled for us. They even bought us gifts.

The second judge explained to us that family court is usually really stressful and intense, and often doesn’t have a happy ending, so when they get a happy ending, they embrace the fuck out of it.

Also, in our jurisdiction, the final court date is just a formality and the family’s presence isn’t required, so they don’t always get to see the family at the moment they become a legal family.

[–]sethbob86 96 points97 points  (0 children)

I asked the criminal court judge I worked for at the time if he would do our wedding. He said "Of course! I'd love to use my powers for good for once!"

[–]kailu0912 62 points63 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what the judge that did the step parent adoption for my husband said (he was adopting my daughter from a previous relationship). We sat at the court house and ended up being the very last case for the day. We walked in and the judge apologized for the wait, saying family court is usually all kinds of bad stuff, and when he has adoptions, he likes putting them last so he can end his day on a high note.

[–]Bionic_Ferir 15 points16 points  (0 children)


[–]ThePrussianGrippe 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’ve been to family court once (when I was the child. I had just turned 18 so it was the final child support date). It was weird to see all the cases ahead of ours, then it gets to us and the judge was just happy our case was mundane and didn’t have screaming.

[–]SweetVsSavory 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I think the dad is thinking more like, " Let me just tighten my abs and.......... ok go ahead."

[–]Kevin_Uxbridge 46 points47 points  (8 children)

Dude just skipped 3am feedings and colicky infants. My wife and I were thinking of having a second and would if we could honk out a 5-year-old. Loved having a baby but they suck up a lot of time.

[–]FirstWaveMasculinist 13 points14 points  (1 child)

if we could honk out a 5 year old

I mean, you could adopt a 5 year old. dont let your dreams be dreams

[–]Dbaofdoom 16 points17 points  (0 children)

When we finalized our adoption the judge and her clerks were so happy. They said that adoption finalizations were the best parts of their jobs because they see so many heartbreaking cases.

[–]Dustone33 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I thought Dad looked beaming and holding back tears.

[–]irishrelief 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Plot twist the guy in blue accidentally walked into the photo, which explains his look.

[–]damn_jexy 502 points503 points  (14 children)

I always told my wife that we probably don't have good enough credit score to adopt white children

[–]zoinks 102 points103 points  (7 children)

You might be able to find a discount Russian one

[–]MSeanF 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Aren't the eastern European knock-offs even more affordable?

[–]Blackbeard_ 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I found this extra hilarious for some reason

[–]MrValdemar 599 points600 points  (5 children)

Holy shit they adopted Ralphie and Randy!

For the love of all that is good in the world, get those kids to the Christmas Story house in Cleveland, and send us all pictures.

It's what Jesus would do. I think.

[–]housatonicduck 72 points73 points  (0 children)


The bond created through loving another human being as your own, with no incentive other than love, is an incredible privilege.

Source: my sister was adopted into my family before I was born and she is still my best friend 23 years later.

[–]TyJK15 242 points243 points  (8 children)

My family and I are white. My parents adopted my little sister, who is african american, when she was 3 months old. My parents have a picture of all of us that is very similar to this (with the judge, in a courtroom) hanging in their living room. My little sister is now 20 years old, and I've never known her as anything but my little sister. :)

Congrats to your aunts friends!!

[–]that-short-chick 61 points62 points  (1 child)

Amen to that! My brother wore a tux and a top hat to his adoption at 3 years old. My mom hangs those pictures in his office and our 18-month-Old niece gets a huge kick out of seeing pictures of her uncle as a baby.

[–]whywee 314 points315 points  (8 children)

The one with the glasses kinda looks like the kid from stuart little

[–]Landingstripe 50 points51 points  (1 child)

There's probably also a mouse in the adoption photo somewhere

[–]SnesC 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Dad's got that "I kinda want to cry right now" smile. Here's to a happy family!

[–]pm_me_ur_buns_ 142 points143 points  (4 children)

This woman has a very motherly look to her. I bet she gives the best hugs. Those are two lucky little boys.

[–]superash2002 82 points83 points  (3 children)

You know she cooks good too. One of them boys is gonna have child hood obesity but it’s okay cause he will grow up with manners .

[–]whidbeysounder 332 points333 points 2 (22 children)

Isn’t this the plot to the Jerk? Congratulations!

[–]cap10wow 234 points235 points  (14 children)

I was born a poor black child..

[–][deleted] 129 points130 points  (10 children)

My dad used to say that line at the most inopportune times! Once he said it while we were at some fancy restaurant and the waitress had just walked up behind him. Poor girl was genuinely bewildered and not sure whether to laugh, lol.

I would give anything to hear his voice again.

[–]cap10wow 33 points34 points  (6 children)

I hear my dad’s voice in my head a lot. We had a really complicated relationship. He passed away in 2010 and it’s still not easy.


I had a complicated relationship with my dad too, went years without talking to him at one point. But I take some comfort in knowing that he never stopped loving me, and that if there's any kind of life after death he loves me still. I just miss him so much.

[–]cap10wow 19 points20 points  (4 children)

I’m sure he understood and he lives on in you and in your children. Anytime you can share a lesson he taught you, that’s him living on through you.

[–]TzarKazm 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"He really hates those cans, stay away from the cans" I love that movie.

[–]CH2A88 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You mean I'm gonna stay this color!?

[–]mbit15 46 points47 points  (10 children)

I know this judge! He signed off on my adoption by my stepfather last August! http://imgur.com/bU609qJ

[–]rayrayww3 39 points40 points  (2 children)

I'm glad to see Judge Phelan is still on the bench doing his good work after all these years.

[–]bnew1713 271 points272 points  (2 children)

I love how the boys are in matching clothes. Sweet family! Congrats to your friends :)

[–]rich1138 662 points663 points  (27 children)

Congratulations on finalizing the adoption! What a beautiful family. May your family be blessed with love, joy and happiness for years to come!

[–]to_the_tenth_power 125 points126 points  (1 child)

You just managed to summarize all the good will things I wanted to say. How dare you.

[–]AKittyCat 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I hope one is also blessed with the strength of several herds of cattle and the other has the agility of 100 cats.

Mostly just cause I think that would be a cool team up and I'm too lazy to build upon my superhero ideas on a creative way.

[–]urbanek2525 90 points91 points  (3 children)

Hell on earth is being an unwanted child.

Heaven on earth is being chosen because you are loved. I dated a girl who was adopted at age 8 and she remembers that day with such gratitude. To her, it was the day God told her she was truly loved.

God bless your Aunt's friends. That is literally the best thing anyone can do.

[–]SuperRiceBoi 145 points146 points  (4 children)

First reaction when I saw this:

Ten years later

"What?! We're adopted?!"

Jokes aside, I'm so happy for all of them!

[–]DieFanboyDie 19 points20 points  (2 children)

"I was born a poor black child..."

(Is this reference too old now?)

[–]Not_God_Today 54 points55 points  (2 children)

As an orphan who was adopted at the age of 10, pls give that couple a huge “ thank you” and hug from me.

[–]scrtch-n-snf 93 points94 points  (2 children)

My son, who is a (very) white boy, is very close to his black grandfather (his grandmother remarried when he was a baby). His grandfather used to joke that when they would go to Walmart together, people would look at him like "where the hell did that black man get that white baby!".

[–]that-short-chick 24 points25 points  (1 child)

My little brother (adopted) is Cape Verdean and my mom is blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned. We used to get looks, too. We’ve long since stopped noticing.

[–]you_ate_me 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What a beautiful family, those boys are too adorable.

[–]BuckTribe 68 points69 points  (4 children)

One kid is going to be a problem child and the other is going to have one hell of a Christmas story

[–]YouShotMelanieYUP 36 points37 points  (0 children)

“I was born a poor black child down in Mississippi”

[–]stone_fox_in_mud 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Those kids are going to get some of the best hugs 🥰

[–]bwatching 43 points44 points  (3 children)

We're in progress on our second adoption from foster care. It's rough but we're so happy we chose to do it. Congratulations to them!

[–]diyar19988 29 points30 points  (1 child)

The mother looks like: I'm gonna make ma boys some good fucking food. Every. DAY. FOREVER.

[–]TeeThom 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Did they adopt the kid from A Christmas Story

[–]Shoomtastic81 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Looks like the adopted both kids. Ralphie and Randy?