New Basketball Crazy Weird in Good Way


Did it come from outer space? The future? According to the packaging, it is a basketball. Its full title is the “Under Armour 295 Spongetech Basketball“, and this week it made its debut as the official ball of Lunchsketball.

The following is printed on the box for the Spongetech ball: “GET MORE SKIN ON THE BALL. Control comes from having more of your fingers and palms on the ball. More skin means more control. More control means more points. And more points… isn’t that why we play the game?

So they use the Socratic method of marketing over there at Under Armour. They have given customers something to think about, for sure. To follow their thought provoking line of questioning, let us examine their argument point by point:

  • Does the Spongetech allow more skin on the ball? The answer must be yes. This ball has a network of wide, deep and unconventionally patterned grooves, that do indeed put a greater surface area of one’s fingers in contact with the ball.
  • Will more skin mean more control? That is hard to say. Shaquille O’Neal probably met the extreme limits for skin in contact with the ball, and that famously didn’t seem to give him more control at the free throw line. Overall, though, he was highly effective at basketball, and scored many points, which must mean that he did have a lot of control in other areas of the game. Since he scored more points, it can then be understood that the Under Armour argument is still intact, although it now more than ever rests upon the answer to the question: Why do we play the game?
  • Here the discussion must turn to Wikipedia, where the answer becomes clear: “Basketball is a team sport, the objective being to shoot a ball through a basket horizontally positioned to score points while following a set of rules.”

There you have it. More points is why the game is played. If you truly know who you are, as a human being formed in the image and likeness of God, then you can arrive at no other conclusion then that the Under Armour 295 Spongetech Street Basketball was designed for you and the game.