Tag Archives: One Hour Photo

Nothing says “Guilty!” like a killer pair of eyeglasses

11 May

During the early months of our courting, Big Daddy would throw me the side-eye whenever we would be out and I would motion to some dude with my head and say, under my breath, “He looks like a rapist”.  Or “He looks like a molester”.  Or worse, “He looks like a serial killer”.   I know that a lot of people, especially the ultra-bed-wetting liberal sort, think that profiling is somehow bad or wrong.  They are wrong.  I am right.  Always.  Well, most of the time.

Nightly news

Growing up in Atlanta, one of the hallmarks of my childhood was the acute awareness of Atlanta’s Missing and Murdered Children.  Kids, mostly black boys, started disappearing in the summer before fourth grade.  They would later turn up dead, their bodies dumped in the Chattahoochee River.  The community was paralyzed by fear and uncertainty.  Curfews were issued.  Every afternoon and into the evening there would be an announcement on the television or radio that would ask something like, “It’s seven o’clock.  Do you know where your kids are?”  Terrifying.  I would shake like a chihuahua when anyone I didn’t know spoke to me on the street.  By the next summer there had been thirty victims that were linked in one way or another to a single killer.  Police and psychologists gathered information about victims and meshed it with geographic, demographic and psychological features they believed would be significant markers in revealing who this sadist was.  We now call this criminal profiling, and it is good.  Using the profile, Wayne Williams was arrested and convicted.   This particular case was the first well-publicized instance of criminal profiling being used successfully.

A lot of naysayers out there think that the fix was in.  There’s all sorts of conspiracy theories about how The Man used Williams to alleviate public pressure, that the decedents were actually victims of satanic rituals performed by local covens or that the killings were carried out by area Ku Klux Klansmen to initiate a race war.  Gimme a break.  Every thing that I need to know about Williams’ guilt is in this picture.

It’s the glasses.  All the creepy dudes have them.   If I were a judge and a defendant came into court with a pair of these on I’d dismiss the jury and just move on to sentencing.  Check out my evidence:

BTK Killer Dennis Rader

Boy eater Jeffrey Dahmer

Why, is that Kim Jong Il behind those Foster Grants?

Even Hollywood knows that to authenticate a seriously warped character, the props department has to make a run to Lens Crafters.  Did you see Robin Williams in One Hour Photo?  Two words.  Heebie.  Jeebies.

Character development with eye wear

You know how there’s that Sex Offender Registry?  You can go online and type in your zip code and get a map of your neighborhood that pinpoints where all the diddlers and freaks live so you can avoid letting your Cub Scout sell popcorn unchaperoned on that street.  This service was especially comforting when JonBenet Ramsey killer-wannabe, John Mark Karr, lived less that two miles down the road. If law enforcement were really serious about halting sex crimes they would start tracking the purchase of gold wire kinda aviator-ish specs.  There would be a Molester Glasses Registry.  And if the registrant had any sort of scant or patchy facial hair, they’d have to register twice.

Waco wacko David Koresh