Allure of the bad boy…

I can never forget the lesson that the “times” of an international female artiste (now late) taught me.I am not going to wash down our memory of her (especially her beautiful music and golden voice) with the avalanche of drug-related issues that bedeviled the rest of her existence, even after she was supposedly divorced from the harbinger of her emotional imbalance.
I am only interested in the LESSON that her story has for every woman…

You must NOT be yoked with a man that exerts a negative influence on you-in the name of marriage/relationship. I am 90 per cent certain that she (being a beautiful woman who seemed to have the world in her palms) could have remained a success story-had it not been for the questionable character that she ended up with in marriage.

When I learned about one of the earliest suitors she had before she met the character that took her downhill, I marveled at just how strong the allure of the bad boy can be…even for the sensible girl.One of the most successful players in the entertainment industry in the US was actually said to have been madly in love with her and sought her hand in marriage but she left him “or someone who was all shades of wrong for her. One would wonder what a girl from a wonderful family background saw in a “bad boy’ of the entertainment industry.

Again…the allure!
I am in no doubt that she could have gone into a better and more stable relationship, if she had simply got hold of herself, even after their divorce. But the eventual nosedive of her life showed that she never really found closure even after they went their separate ways. Finding closure becomes HARD if one doesn’t believe the sun will come up in their lives again.Just don’t under-estimate the attraction that THE BAD BOY IMAGE has for so many ladies, such that the responsible men are allowed to slip through their fingers-only for them to end up with an ABUSER, or NEVER DO WELL.

Considering that these are women that should (naturally!) know better makes it more mind-boggling. I mean, why does it seem like the only time some women can ever be happy in a relationship is when they are involved with men who hurt them? The pathetic thing about such women is that they take the men that dare to treat them differently (nicely) for granted. In fact, they will push you so far away that by the time you catch your breath to go “save” them again…they are back in the arms of the one that feeds them pepper for love. This is a very dysfunctional mindset, as I believe that nobody in his/her right senses dislikes “goodness.” It is so worrisome that a lot of good guys are fast coming to the conclusion that “ladies like men who do not treat them nicely.” Guys who are nice are “not man enough,” but only to damaged women!

Let this be an eye-opener for everyone out there…any relationship that does not add value to you in any way isn’t worth it. Any relationship that leaves you worse that you were before isn’t worth it. That relationship that seems to further deplete (and NOT add to/enhance) your- being, resources (not necessarily in monetary value) etc- isn’t worth it. Even the relationship that is riddled with sadder than happier times isn’t worth it.

Otherwise, by the time you realize what’s happening to you…you would have become an emotional wreck! If you insist on hanging in there because of what people will say or the fear of starting afresh, there are a few things that may result from such, even if you do not necessarily end up a druggie…the BODY BAG scenario is a huge possibility.

And it is happening daily.
If you wish to know the essence of peace of mind, go ask people who look younger than their age and who seem to have no worries in this world (when in reality-they do, even more than yours and mine-combined).My point? That your PEACE OF MIND should be non-negotiable!I have never ceased to tell people that I would rather be happy and single-than being in some HELLISH relationship.
Sure, when two different personalities come together (in the name of a relationship) there is bound to be challenges but a situation where these challenges become the order of the day, leaving your soul in tears and wears…please find the nearest exit and go try your luck elsewhere.

You can always do better and you won’t know the possibilities out there-until you give yourself that push to move on.Life is so short that our number one goal should be ZERO TOLERANCE FOR ANYTHING THAT TAXES OUR SANITY AND PEACE OF MIND!

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Chukwuneta ObyRelationships
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