The hurtful decision of a break-up


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The hurtful decision of a break-up

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I am not proud of it. I am not proud of what I am doing to him. I am ashamed. I am full of guilt, regret and sorrow. It's not just a one-sided pain, like he said, that only he can feel this. Every time I see him pleading, I feel like killing my own soul. He is betrayed, I am guilty. He loves me, I am confused. He can go beyond the limits for me, I am caged in my own boundaries.

Whom should I blame? The religion that is separating us? The society, which is threatening us? Or our parents, who are expecting a lot too much? It's not like I don't have a heart or I don't feel anything anymore for him. I am just scared of the consequences, about what could have happened when it comes to accepting him in front of the whole world. I am afraid what if my parents believe in honour killing, or his. I am afraid that what bad could happen to him due to me. Yes, I am weak and afraid. And sometimes, I am rude to him. But how can I just make him agree to this? How can I make him stop crying? Whenever I see him in pain, I feel like I going to him. Then envelop him in a warm hug and kiss him like a person kisses his beloved kid, console him, tell him that I am here, and I am not going anywhere, not now not ever. But I can't. I have tried to say this many times in this single year that we spent together, but I just couldn't say that. I never made him any "forever" promises. I never promised, "I will be with you forever". I never said, " I will never leave you". I never said any of these things. Because maybe I always knew that we cannot be a "happily ever after" couple.

Yes, it's me who is breaking-up with him. It's me who is making his life miserable right now. And no doubt that this feels like the biggest mistake, this feels like I am never gonna get this kind of infinite love ever again, this feels like he is the only person who can love me this much. But maybe I am just one more example of biggest 'unfortunate' ever. It's unfortunate that I am telling him to stop loving me. But my love, maybe you don't that I am hurt too. I cannot explain how hard is it to take a decision like this and then act rude. I am cursing myself for making you go through this pain. But trust me, if I have a single option to be with you, I would never do that, I would never leave you in so much pain.

I wish we had never met. But, I am letting you go and it's for your good. After your mother, I am the second person who loves you beyond all limits, more than everyone, who just wishes to see u safe, happy and successful. You're a treasure to the world, to me. But I am a loser, and I am losing you. You'll always be in a very special place of my heart, hidden but will always be there. I am praying that God gives you the strength to face this situation. I don't know if you respect my decision or not, but at least I want your forgiveness. I can't even die in peace if you don't forgive me, because I know even God doesn't forgive us for hurting someone. But since, I am your culprit, I want you to forgive me. I just want you to be happy, safe and successful.

Even while taking my last breath, I will still seek your forgiveness.

—By Anonymous
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