Friday, October 27, 2017

Three easy steps to motivate yourself

I was chatting with one of my new Hawke’s Bay friends the other day, and she asked me in conversation ‘How do you stay motivated?’  (Specifically about my writing and my books.)  At the time I said that I simply loved creating inspiration for myself, so it wasn’t really an issue.

Afterwards, I had more of a think about it and realized that there were times, more in the past than now, where motivation was an issue so I thought it would be a great post topic for today.

Because it doesn’t matter if you want to write a book, eat healthier or take up a new challenge; the key to your success if having the right motivation.  You always know what you need to do to reach a goal, but the motivation to do it is always another matter, am I right?

These days with my writing, I simply sit down and write.  I usually have a book outline I am working on or a blog post to come up with.  Because I have been writing almost daily for so long now, I just sit down and go.

But before that when I was just starting out I needed to create my own motivation.  Even more important were those times when I couldn’t get going at all; when my well had run dry and I just couldn’t be bothered writing, even though I knew in my heart that I desired to be a writer.

At those times I gave myself a break (as in a mental break.)  I stopped nagging myself and trying to whip myself into action and feeling guilty and sick because I still wasn’t doing anything.  Gosh, it was like trying to drive a car with the handbrake on!

I then went right back to basics.  The question I asked myself was:

Do I even want to do this anymore?

It’s a big question, and I think it is an important one.  In life, there virtually isn’t anything we have to do if we don’t want to.  Of course there are consequences to things we don’t do, but there are plenty of examples of people who decide just to quit their jobs and go bush, leave their comfortable life and go travelling, leave their city life and move to the country…

But quit writing?  No, when I asked myself that, I knew I didn’t want to.  I love it and and can see myself doing what I'm doing now for the rest of my life.  The next step therefore, to get me back into momentum, was to treat what I wanted to do like it was my job.

Jobs aren’t fun 24/7.  They involve work, and even when it’s something you love like writing or with an outcome you want such as being in kick-ass shape – the best shape of your life; you still have to show up every day and do something towards that goal.

So I would.  I’d stop asking myself if I felt like writing and just do it.  I’d book in time in the morning (my favourite time to write) to turn up and create.  I’d put routines and helpful systems in place to enable me to write, such as prepping that day’s food the night before, and only booking necessary appointments and errands in the afternoon.

Making myself do it helped bridge that gap between what I said I wanted and what I was prepared to do to get it.  After a while it became routine and I had primed my rusty writing pump too, so it was easier to write each day.

Think about this technique with something you want to achieve. 

Maybe you want to slim down.  First ask yourself, ‘Do I really want to or is it something I feel I should do?’  Of course you might say ‘All my clothes are tight, I need to.’  And maybe they are, but so what.  You could make the decision to be happy with your weight exactly as you are.

And you could put away all the clothes that don’t fit you only leaving the ones that do hanging in your closet.  That at least gives you a temporary reprieve from the stricken feeling of ‘I’ve got to do something about my weight!’

Then, from a mentally calmer place you can ask yourself, if it was my job to be slimmer, how would I approach it?  If I was a competing athlete or an actress, what could I do to achieve that goal?

I find it helpful to look at being trim and healthy from a body builder or body sculptor’s point of view.  To me it feels to diet-y to weigh and measure my food or serve strictly balanced portions of healthy meals, but when I think of it from a gym person’s point of view; they do that as ‘just what they do.’

They put their meals together the night before and take everything with them to work.  They don’t get to noon and think ‘What do I feel like?’  No, they already have their protein and vegetables in the fridge for lunch, they eat it and then they carry on with their day nourished and full.

Athletes training for competitions or body builders getting in peak physical condition for a show will of course have meals prepped ahead of time, all the time.

They’re not sad losers for weighing and measuring their food, they are making something of themselves.  Setting your nutrition up as just something you do as part of reaching your goal strips away the thoughts of ‘I don’t feel like eating something healthy tonight, I feel like something fun.’

The ‘just do it’ thoughts get you past the initial enthusiasm of a new project and into the everyday.  That middle section is the danger part you have to go through, because once you start seeing results it’s easy to carry on.

Not only has it become your new routine way to eat, but you’ll start feeling more energetic because of the better foods and your clothes will fit a little looser.  That's highly motivating!

It’s like that with my writing.  After asking myself if it’s something I really want and when the answer is yes, committing to it like it’s my job.  I make myself write daily to get through the choppy part, and after a bit I’m in smooth waters, effortlessly creating every day, building up my body of work and feeling the thrill of releasing a new book.

It really is that simple.  Not easy, but simple.  Just follow the three steps for anything you are feeling stuck about.

What’s the thing you simultaneously want to do and can’t be bothered doing?

Ask yourself if you really, truly want it

If yes, commit to it like you are being paid to do it, like it’s your job
(If no, forget about it and go do something else!)

Sound good to you?  And on that note, I’m off to the gym.  I’m not asking myself if I feel like it (although I do, crazily enough), I’m just doing it.

I’d love you to share with me what you might try my motivation technique on.


PS. We are in the spring season here in New Zealand, but you lucky people in the northern hemisphere are experiencing autumn.  Yes, I love spring and the warmer summer months, but autumn will always be my first true love.

If you haven’t read my book How to be Chic in the Winter yet, why not check out a sample from Amazon?  In this book I share all my ideas on how to enjoy the winter season instead of just enduring it – even if you are a summer person!

I’m sure you will find ideas to transform the way you think about winter, and it all came from my own desire to ‘live slim, happy and stylish during the cold season.’  You can find it on Amazon Kindle here and in paperback too.


  1. Great words, Fiona. You just have to do it. There's a great book called The War of Art that talks about overcoming resistance. Most of the times, the doing is easy, it's the getting started that's hard. We can think of any excuse in the book to avoid getting started on whatever it is we're dreaming about. xo Deborah

    1. Deborah, I bought that book for my Kindle and I haven't read it yet!! It's on my lengthy reading list, what can I say :)

  2. A great book on motivation is The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. She divides people into four categories, taking into account how you respond to both outer expectations (those of family, friends, your boss, society at large) and inner expectations (one's own desire to lose weight, eat right, go to bed early, etc.)

    Upholders have no problem meeting both outer and inner expectations. They are the ones who generally say "Just do it" and can't understand why some people have trouble doing things they actually want to do.

    Obligers have no trouble with outer expectations, but don't meet their inner expectations. They need accountability in the form of someone who depends on them or checks on them. They are the ones who need a trainer to exercise because they won't do it on their own, or who will cook healthy meals for their family, but left to their own devices will eat any old thing that's in the cupboard.

    Rebels have trouble meeting all expectations, both inner and outer. Their motto would be "You can't make me do it... and neither can I."

    Questioners (like me!) have trouble with outer expectations, but no trouble with inner expectations. In fact, the reason we "obey" rules or laws is because they make sense to us personally or benefit us in some way. But if something doesn't make sense to us, we treat it more as a suggestion than a rule. so, in a way, we make everything an inner expectation.

    The book not only gives you insight into your own behavior and how to motivate yourself into doing things that you want to do, but tells you how gauge how other people around you respond to expectations, and how to use this to motivate them. Some doctors have started using the Four Tendencies to get their patients to take their medication as prescribed, managers to motivate their employees, and mothers to get their kids to do their homework and pick up after themselves.

    I think you would find this book as riveting as I did.

    1. I have been recommended this book more than once, so I will definitely check it out, thank you :) And I appreciate your quick recap of the four types too!

  3. You are so right about getting into a virtuous cycle, where accomplishing something leads to positive feelings and motivation to accomplish more.

    1. Didn't even realize I'd said that, but I love it!

  4. This is brilliant, Fiona. I'm so motivated in my writing right now -- the problem is it's pouring out of me and needs to be organized into something cohesive. Perhaps that's where I'm lacking motivation -- not in actually writing, but in outlining, arranging, and editing, which seem like work. So treating those tasks like they ARE part of my job might at least get me started -- and starting is the hard part. Once I'm involved in the process I imagine it will be easier.

    I've been a classical singer for almost 40 years. I'm still quite good at it (age is not yet affecting my performance). But I find I'm not as interested in vocalizing and learning new music as I once was. Without a concert to prepare for, I just can't be bothered to continue working on my own (and constant practice is required to stay in vocal shape, just like physical shape). When I ask myself if I really, truly want to do this any more, my answer is . . . NO. And that's scary, because it's been part of my identity for my entire adult life. Many, many people who know me know me primarily for my singing. Without it, who would I be? But continuing to do the work just because I "always" have isn't very fulfilling.

    So you're right -- "Do I even want to do this any more?" is an extremely important question, but the answer may be disconcerting, especially if you're not talking about a new habit or interest, but one that's been a part of your life for a long time.

    This post has given me a lot of food for thought.

    1. So true, Karen, yes, why not act as your own editor where you treat that part as your job. Excellent!

      And how interesting about your singing - what a brave decision to shed your skin when you see that it no longer suits you any more. By letting your singing go there may be more energy for newer things - how exciting! And yes, unsettling too.

  5. "I’d stop asking myself if I felt like writing and just do it." This is it! So good! It takes the daily mental gymnastics of giving yourself the option to back out of something completely away. All that drama is gone because you've pre-made your decision to just do it. Love this Fiona!

    1. Mental gymnastics is right Stephanie. By the time I've argued back and forth with myself, I could have made a decent start on whatever it is that I'm procrastinating over!!

  6. I loved this post! I don't know what "type" I am, but I often don't have a plan for anything (other than the usual list making, which sometimes gets thrown out the window!) so I think your plan is super - especially regarding diet & exercise because I do WANT to look and feel good. Thank you for your inspiration! Well done!

  7. Great post Fiona and I love the comments and book recommendations too. I have some things that I find easy to - like practicing my cello, and others - like housework - I find hard to do :)

    Like you I find a routine that works makes it easier. I have stopped walking my dogs in the morning before work because my glasses are broken and I need to put my contacts in before I go and that seems too hard when I am half awake at 530am .... thanks this has made me think about how I can 'automate' my motivation again


Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...