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Megaman/Rockman :: Twisted Emotions

Megaman/Rockman :: Twisted Emotions
Reviewed By: Gunstar Heroine

PLOT: 0/5 (It's basically a PWP)
WRITING: 3/5 (Well, it's spell-checked and grammatically correct. I've seen worse. Then again, I've also seen much better.)
CHARACTERIZATION: 0/5 (I love total misrepresentation of someone else's characters!)

Be afraid, folks - this time, we're about to enter a realm of fanfiction that very few people have survived with their sanity intact

I'm talking about the realm of bad Megaman/Rockman fanfiction.

If you want a series that is a perpetual victim of fan-rape, Megaman (and its various spinoffs) would definitely fit the bill. Just check out almost any Megaman fic archive. You'll probably find a load of OOC character representations, incredibly dumb attempts at "humor", and more Mary Sues than you can shake a stick at. Not that there aren't some good, genuinely funny efforts by fans amongst all the crap... it's just really hard to wade through all the dreck to get to something even remotely worthwhile.

For a good long time, I'd been thinking about doing a ficbitch to release my anger over the incredibly awful state of MM fanfic. But what finally put me over the edge is that the other night, I ran across a fic where various robot masters become pregnant. No, I'm not
kidding. My brain damn near imploded after the first few sentences.

But thankfully, I'll spare you that one. Instead, I'll present another example of how fanon manages to twist this series into something it's not. This is a yaoi lemon, though not a very explicit one.

Before we go into this, think of all the Megaman games (the original series) you've played: They're usually filled with colorful stages, really nice bouncy music, and mechanical enemies of a cuter-than-average variety. Nothing in the MM universe is overly threatening, and even though some of the bosses, characters and enemies look "sinister" there isn't anything at all that would be considered even close to being "dark and angsty", or in any way "sexy". Admittedly, there is the X series, which takes place in a much bleaker, more hostile environment (and also contains a partner team which can be fairly easily canonically slashed).

But that's beyond the point. This one is based on the original MM series. And what exactly is in this fic? Angst, angst, forced fellatio, more angst, and a violent bloody death. Just fits with the whole mood of the games perfectly, doesn't it?

Anyways, the two characters in this fic are Rock, also known as Megaman/Rockman, and his rival of Dr. Wily's make, Bass (who first appeared in MM7). Also note that in this fic the author uses all the Japanese names. Thus, US "Bass" is referred to as "Forte."

This fic starts out with Forte having chained Rock onto a bed. He has had his armor stripped off and is now wearing nothing but blue boxers. (Huh?) God alone knows how Forte managed to get Rock into such a compromising position... but you can tell where this one's going, folks: straight into the realm of pure pain.

Rock moaned softly, tossing his head. He blinks open those extraordinary blue eyes, so innocent and sweet. He regards the ceiling with puzzlement, and I can't resist.
He gasps as I rub my lips across his throat, that soft, silky skin.

Megaman is now far more than a little robot boy who fights for everlasting peace... he is now a LUSTWORTHY boy-toy-doll! Quite disturbing considering his physical form is that of about a 13 or 14-year-old boy. (even younger-looking in some of the earlier art of him.)

Anyway, Rock is awake now, and Forte immediately takes up the task of molest0ring him while he whines pitifully. He pretty much fondles, caresses, and nibbles on our blue boy's entire frame. Oh baby, you KNOW you want it.

I lap at his stomach, gently grazing him with my teeth. His skin is so hot, now...
"Don't you want this?" I can feel his erection, through the thin fabric of his boxers. He's most definitely enjoying it.

Mmmmm, hot robot-on-robot action coming your way! Forte also repeatedly makes notes of how "innocent" Rock looks. Dear god, I'm having terrible flashbacks to that Wish lemon.

So then, finally, Forte pulls the boxers down and starts to lick at Rock's Mr. Happy. This continues for a couple paragraphs while we hear about Forte both giving him a blowjob and trying to hold him down.

He's gasping, pleading, I don't know what for and I don't care. He's trying to thrust,trying to go further, struggling against my hand. I can feel the pulse of his veins, just below the skin, the sudden tensing of his stomach muscles, just before I taste his seed.

You know, with all the talk about warm skin and pulsing veins, I have to wonder: how is this plausible? These two characters are robots. They're made of metal and circuitry. Why would their skin be soft and warm? Metal is neither. And why would they have veins like humans? They'd need conduits or something to pass their energy through.. but those are nothing like veins. I know fanfiction is supposed to be speculative in some areas but this just puzzles me.

And even weirder than the veins and stuff: We now have the amazing phenomena of robo-jizz. I have to wonder why Dr. Light would bother sticking a fully functional winky on what was originally supposed to be a housekeeping robot. It's not like he's gonna reproduce. Another question: what the heck is mechanical semen made out of anyway?

After the act, we hear Rock begin to cry. Forte, being completely dense, can't understand why Rock is bawling. Gee, I WONDER.
"W-Why Forte? Why did you u-use me like this?" He sounds so despairing. "I was... s-saving myself... for someone special..."

I'm confused. Who out there could Rock possibly want to share his robo-virginity with?
Of course, hearing this, Forte gets pissed and yells at Rock, angry that he is insinuating that Forte isn't good enough. I think this is the only bit where Forte acted even remotely in character. But then Rock cries that Forte is merely using him, and we get the strange, OOC concerned-caring Forte back again. Sigh. He openly confesses his intense love for Rock, how he was sorry he had to betray him and act as his enemy for so long, and that he harbored affection for him the whole time. Um, right.

And this next bit had me doubling over from laughter:
I gently kiss his cheek. "Stupid blueberry... I love you. Don't push me away, not when I've finally managed to show it..."


Where the hell did that come from? What sort of weird-ass pet name is THAT? I know Rock wears blue armor, but... blueberry? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

<PF> that must be why Forte chained him up and fellated him XD
<PF> <Forte> Tastes like blueberries. What have you been eating lately?

I love j00, Pink Freak. XD

...OK, well, enough of that. Rock asks Forte to untie him, and in a show of loving compassion, he picks a knife off a nearby dresser and cuts the bonds. He starts to worry, however, if something is amiss...

But then Rocks hands are on me, drawing me into the bed. I drop the knife, sinking against him, feeling my own need ignite from his hands and lips... I close my eyes...

And suddenly open them again at the searing pain in my chest.

"You liar!" His face is twisted in hate, as he slams me onto my back, stabbing me again. I try to struggle, but I'm already weakening. The pain in my body is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

Yup, Rock went postal and stabbed the shit outta Forte. And now Forte is bleeding. This goes back to the whole "why do robots have veins" thing. There's that, and somehow I absolutely can't imagine Rock going on a sudden murderous rampage, now matter how badly he'd been abused. But of course, the fact that Forte is being MORTALLY WOUNDED is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that Rock will not accept his love.

And thus, our angsteriffic fic ends.

But wait, there's more! The author kindly also wrote an alternate version of the story with a HAPPY ending! Doesn't really make it much better, though. In fact, in some ways, it's actually WORSE.

"I... I love you too, Forte." Rock whispered in my ear. "I love you." The innocence is back in his eyes... and something brighter, luminous. I wonder if he sees the same thing in my eyes.
This is truly heaven. I hope it never ends...

That's right. They confess their undying adoration for each other. Nothing like a forced blowjob to thoroughly convince me of my repressed love for you! And now the mood switches totally abruptly from dark and angsty to warm and sappy-WAFFy. Gag, retch, etc. Oh yeah, and we get the "blueberry" bit again. That one will amuse me for years.

Basically, this fic's main problem is the complete OOCness of both Rock and Forte, but also adding to the badness is the absurdity of the idea that the two could couple up, and
the angst, which is completely and totally inappropriate for the series upon which this is based.

But why is this pairing so wrong, exactly? Let's get one thing totally straight here.
Forte does not like Rock. He is a stuck-up, arrogant prick who believes himself to be far more advanced a creation that Rock was and ever will be. Sure, they team up sometimes but he never has much for Rock as far as kind words go. In fact, most of his words for Rock are of a not-so-nice variety. But in Twisted Fan Logic, you know what this means: HE'S SECRETLY MADLY IN LOVE WITH ROCK AND CAN'T ADMIT IT! ...despite the fact that there is absolutely nothing else in the games to indicate that this could at all be possible.
Plus, there is one big reason why he couldn't fall for Rock: If he did, he would be forced to put himself on an equal level to him. Forte's mindset simply cannot admit or allow any sort of admission of weakness. And if for some reason he would tie Rock to a bed and molest him, he would do it only to humiliate the little wimp and get off on his feeling of superiority.

This story is also an example of typical awful, cliché rivalslash for you. Rivalslash has been around for a while. It's based on the whole sentiment of "Hey, these two guys
hate each other! Let's put them in bed together!" Rivalslash logic rarely ever makes any sort of sense, except in very few situations. (Most of these are pretty well-known, like the Kyo and Iori rivalry in KoF: Their families are eternal enemies, yet they do fight against a common enemy briefly. Iori is prone to uncontrolled psychotic fits and also seems perpetually confused as to whether or not he should murder Kyo as per his destiny, or make sweet love to him.) Usually this involves Rival A forcing Rival B into some sort of Compromising Position, abusing him, but then they either

a.    come to the realization that they both love each other and make hot man-sex0r, or
b.    angst about pain and unrequited affection the whole time as Rival B is mercilessly abused.

And with a choice of conclusions available to you, now you, o lucky reader, get to decide which cliché ending our tale takes! Isn't that just great?

So, that's enough for today. I could go on about all the other painful Megaman fics out there, such as the ones that portray Robot Masters as long-haired bishounen lovers, or the bazillion-and-one Mary Sues where Zero from the X series finds his true love in a female reploid, but I think this one's more than enough to send anyone over the edge of sanity. Until next time, play the MM games, and enjoy them for what they are: cute, colorful action games with a silly but amusing story and fun characters.

But it'd be best to purge this nightmare from your mind first.


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