Sunday, November 6, 2011

Dashing through the snow...

When I was in high school I worked at a fruit store after work shifting boxes, bagging potatoes and generally getting covered in rotting fruit and veg. The low light of the year was Christmas when the boss's wife would insist on piping seasonal jingles through the store which when you're undertaking a twelve hour shift is the aural equivalent being dragged naked through broken glass. Add to that, it was generally a stifling 30+ degrees in a beach town on the Sunshine Coast, any reference to snow was incredibly annoying.

As such, I have no time for Christmas albums as a) most Christmas songs have shockingly low relevance to my experience (in Australia everyone goes to the beach for Christmas) and b) most of those songs suck. I don't understand who buys Christmas albums because when I've got a holiday and want to enjoy time with my family with music in the background, I tend to pick music we all like. But this year it seems like a bumper year of Christmas albums from She & Him, Carole King, Justin Beiber, the cast of Glee, Michael Buble and Scott Weiland (I guess rehab didn't work). Surely, there must be some marketing guru telling these 'artists' that such albums are profitable but really, who buys them?

Yet another quirk of modern culture I don't understand...



  1. I hear you, JH. It wasn't until we spent a a white xmas in NY that all those songs suddenly made sense... Also, nothing says "short shelf life" quite like a christmas album. M. Ward should know better but then maybe Zooey needed a project to distract her from her marriage break-up?

  2. I hate to say it but I think it the break up went something like this:

    Zooey: So Ben, what do you think of my Christmas album?

    Ben: Err... (long pause)

    Zooey: You bastard!

    ...and the rest is indie sadness history.

  3. Here's the thing- I live near Washington DC. The place goes crazy for Christmas every year. I LOATHE FUCKING CHRISTMAS. Already hate Zooey, Bieber, Glee, and Scott Weiland. So, there's no problem there. But, Kal Penn? Oh, dammit. Kal Penn I actually like as an actor. I disagree with some of his politics, but still. Harold and Kumar do a fucking Christmas movie? Dammit. Now, I feel like I've gotta go all mad bomber on them.
    I guess I should be more cynical. Paul McCartney already set the bar as low as it can go- from Hey, Jude to "simply having a wonderful christmas"? that's about as bad as it gets. But, still, I will bet dollars to doughnuts that Kal Penn ain't no fucking Christian- so why in the bloody fucking blue hell should he be involved in a 3d christmas movie?
    I am reminded of the apocryphal story of the little gypsy boy being brought off to the camps, and the Nazi asking if the boy was a christian. When the boy answered that he was, the Nazi said not to worry, he'd be off to see his jesus, soon. There's your bloody heartwarming christmas story for Kal Penn to illustrate for us all...
    ( yes, yes- all hyperbole- I'm not going kill anyone. But, I do loathe Christmas very much. Very, very much.)

  4. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't stand Zooey's voice. She & Him are terrible. I can't stand the sentiment of Christmas and Christmas songs but I have no idea who buys this shit. Although, I do vaguely like Christmas because people give me things...