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At the end of my rope don't know what to do?

grumpystepdad's picture

Need some advice. The ever ongoing drama with skids. Specifically the 15/SD. Honest I don't know how much more I can take? I am really contemplating a divorce. Today she was taking pain pills to school to sell to kids. Luckily for her my wife stopped her before she got to class. She was carrying a class 2 narcotic with her. Which in my state is a Felony. On top of the lying, cheating, stealing, drugs, sex. You name it this girl has pretty much done it. I can't take anymore. My wife just has a blind eye and so does her family. They sweep it under the rug like it's a bad secret and never address the issues. I am so tired of being afraid and walking around on egg shells. I can't even be in the same room as her. She make me sick to my stomach. But I love my wife. Do I let this kid ruin my marriage, or give my wife a ultimatum? I don't know I need some advice from others. Cause I am teetering on divorce right now.

notsobad's picture

I disagree with you. It very much affects him if he's living in the same household with SD.

How are the finances are set up.
If SD gets caught stealing or selling drugs would you be expected to put up bail, or pay for a lawyer? Would your wife pay for all of it but then not be able to contribute to the family income?

Where is she getting the drugs from? Is there anyway she can say you are giving them to her? Is she stealing prescription drugs from someone you know?

If she's having sex in your house, that could also effect you. She's only 15, what is the age of consent where you live? If she ends up pregnant who's going to foot that bill?

I don't think this is a case where you can just look the other way. This girl is looking for serious trouble and when she finds it you may not be legally able to say, she's not my kid or my responsibility.

No Name's picture

Have you tried therapy for her and then maybe down the road as a family? Better get rid of anything in the house that she could take and use or sell. You may also want to have her mother take her to the doctor's for a complete physical and share with the physician what you have been dealing with.
My friend was going through something similar with her daughter. The daughter took and OD of all kinds of pills, ended up in the hospital and when she freaked out in the hospital she was transported to a mental health hospital to find out that her problem was because of a medical condition. After proper medication she turned her life around, graduated from high school and has a great job.

MamaDuck's picture

Call the police, CPS, social services or any and every family help organization out there and get someone in to give this family a WAKE-UP CALL!!! Along with support and tools in how to deal with this teen.

peacemaker's picture

Someone once gave me some great advice regarding situations in life that were driving me crazy like this one...that is "Do not complain about those things that you tolerate...and "If it bothers you that much...then do something about it"....Sounds like a great place to draw some healthy boundary lines...Her behavior is "absolutely unacceptable"...( let alone illegal)....and you have the responsibility of knowing and what you do with it is totally up to you...Perhaps, as the man, if you made a would give the bm the strength to confront this for what it is....

I remember when my ss was 14. We had a retail store at the time and he was stealing merchandise from it. his bf caught him and was not going to do anything about it but verbally speak to him. I insisted he call the police and scare the daylight out of him so he wouldn't ever do it again. So the police cam, and confronted him. His bm was furious that we had involved the police...Later, that ss became a lawyer and to this day thanks his "father" for doing that because it was a major turing point in his life....(he will never know it was me who was responsible for doing the right thing), and the bf has no problem taking all the credit for being the "strong" one who made the right decision for his son...But we both know who really had the juice to do the right thing for that kid at the time....NEITHER bio parent could....

The point is what you think is the right thing for you....and the kid's best the end of the have to live with the choices you make along the journey and be ok with what you see looking back at you in the mirror...peace.

still learning's picture

Have you considered LAT, "Living Apart Together?" If you really want to stay married this may be an option for you. Several articles about it online.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I would not live with this in my house. I made that decision long ago. If I find this crap in my house, I'm calling police and then dh. In that order.

After that, the skid would not be allowed in our house. If dad can't cope with that, then I'm moving out (it's his house and I still have mine). He can call me when he gets his act together. I am just not having that drama in my castle.

The despair that comes shining through your post is exactly why.

Furthermore, there are so many collateral ways this crap will drag you down into its maw. Everything in your life can be damaged from this type of behavior.

BTW, from the way this girl behaves it is likely she will bring home a baby before she's 20 and your wife will start the cycle all over and in another 15 years you'll have great-grandbaby enter the world to another teen mother. All of it crawling around your house, your wallet, your sanity.

My dh has done a lot to shape up his parenting since we've worked together on it. Your spouse may as well. However, it sounds like you're already past that point. The behavior you describe is way past the boundary line for me.