Saturday, 15 May 2010

Top 10 weapons to use during a zombie apocalypse

So the worst has happened; the dead walk the Earth.  How are you going to defend yourself? Oh, it's easy to say Chainsaw! Shotgun! Baseball Bat! but seriously, how many people actually have access to those kinds of tools? I for one certainly don't.  So here, along with dodgy photos is my top 10 list of realistic weapons I would use in the event of zombie Hell (to cover myself, I would only recommend using these in the event of zombie attack, not ever, ever, ever for any other reason!)

10. Plastic Bags

You might think thats a silly weapon, but I don't think that zombies have the sense to defend against these.  Simply throw a bag over a zombies head, and tie the handles up, and voila, they are now blind! If they have the sense to rip it off, just use 3 or 4 instead of just 1!

9. Mirror

The zombies upon seeing themselves will collapse to the ground in a fit of hidden memories, horrified at what they have become. If that fails, then simply smash the mirror over their head.  Also any glass shards can be used as last resort close range zombie stabbings.

8. Step Ladder

A bit impractical, but being made of light weight metal, is not a hassle to use as a weapon, and gives good reach to hit undead, as well as a useful climbing tool.

7. Knife

Boring weapon, and not too useful against the undead.  If they are close enough to feel a knife through the eye, then you are probably already doomed.  Best not to use a serrated blade, as you don't want the zombie dispatcher to get stuck.

6. Walking Stick

Sturdy weapon with good reach, but unlikely to kill any zombies, still should knock them over no trouble!

Looking around my house, and not wanting to leave it to look in the garage I realised with horror, that, that is the extent of the tools I have at hand in the event of a zombie invasion, so my next 5 tools are ones that I may not actually have access to at the moment!

5. Automated Turret

Used to fantastic effect in Aliens the automated turrets would save me the hassle of having to worry about zombie attacks.  The only problem is thier need for ammunition, and the noise they are bound to make.

4.  Ash from Evil Deads chainsaw hand

Chainsaws are heavy weapons, but Ash from the Evil Dead films seems to have no problem with his Chainsaw attachment for his arm.  Also his seems to have unlimited fuel, a wonderful weapon!

3. The BFG

The iconic gun from Doom, this gun obliterates everything in its path.  Not sure if they exist on Earth, or just on Mars Bases, and they eat through ammo quite quickly.  Still, a stellar weapon.

2.  Armoured Van

Quite a boring choice, but despite their misuse in many films (such as Dawn of the Dead Remake) I reckon it would be damn hard to infiltrate, or tip over one of these.

1. Death Star

If all else fails, and it looks like the Planet is unsavable, then merely hop off the planet, and use the deadly Death Star to destroy the root of the problem.

So there you have it, 10 weapons to use for best results in a zombie apocalypse.  I didn't want to do this post, it was suggested to me!


Jeremy [Retro] said...

brilliant... my favorite is ash's chainsaw hand... would it be easier to just get bruce campbell... he is a god and would wipe the floor with zombie asses...

Daniel Simmonds said...

That is certainly true, not sure he has that good a track record of protecting people though!

Jeremy [Retro] said...

he is a god!