The Rebound Relationship

The weekend is upon us and its a 3-day weekend in the US. Weekend energies generally fall to relationships and romance. Borrowing from my client themes of late we come to the 'rebound relationship'. When a relationships ends there is generally the person who wants to move on and the person who is wounded, left to wonder why? They spend endless time reflecting on themselves and what they might have done differently. It is a time for examining whether or not one can be in a long lasting relationship or not. Sabotage is often a key. Underlying factors are at play by both souls.

When a partner leaves ... don't blame the person who came between you. If your partner wanted to stay, they would have. Keep it simple. A person who is happy, will not attract another partner.

Relationship Key: Either it works or it doesn't.

The wounded soul, in 2007, goes for help from many venues including therapists, healers, books, workshops, new social activities, etc. This can be a time of great personal growth. It is often a time to change priorities, from 'couple' themes to 'the self'. I know it is wonderful to have someone to share your life, but sometimes it is too much work and energy, and simply needs to be let go.

The main questions asked of me are, "Will - - - - ever come back? How long were they cheating? What is their destiny with the person they moved on with?"

Sometimes partners return to try again, but for most part, it is over. Time to heal and move on. Couples sometime go through what I call the 'roller coaster effect' - ups and downs, together and apart, but in the end, most separate. Relationship have the initial romantic high, then settle into routines. Now, more than ever, people change and drift apart, the original high, which is generally hormonal, fading into the woodwork.

The karmic ties that kept people miserably together in the past, causing illnesses and early deaths, are taking on new perspective.

The wounded soul will now move on and find a 'transition person' aka the 'rebound relationship'.

As in sports, the rebound relationship is the person one quickly finds to help them 'bounce back.' It needs to be quickly recognized for what it is.

A rebound relationship can mean getting involved before resolving the issues of a break-up. It acts as a band aid for unresolved pain. It is often about two lonely souls sharing their needs, emotions, and time. It can just be about a 'hug' and feeling close to someone who understands and cares, compassion the key for wounded souls.

Sometimes it is about sex, as that can take away the pain for some, but generally that soul has attracted a person who will move them to the next level of emotional growth and spiritual clearing.

Each person in a rebound relationship needs something from the other, but while one may be ready for long term commitment, the other is only in it for the short term, although they may not know it at the time. The pain comes from believing that each person understands the other's needs and thinking those needs are the same when they're actually quite opposite.

People in a rebound relationship will reach out and embrace the person who gives them the comfort they need. Sometimes this happens way to soon after they separate from the old partner. It generally takes one year to heal a broken relationship if you are the person who has been rejected. Once that need has been met, they can then begin working on the unresolved emotional issues brought to the surface by their divorce. As they begin working through those issues, their needs change. They may not need so much hugging. Their need for a comforting person in their life may diminish. The relationship built upon comfort and kind words now needs more ingredients to continue to grow. It may not be kind words and hugs that a newly divorced person needs as much as feeling "comfortable" in a relationship. If they have just come out of a long term abusive relationship, abuse in a new relationship may put them into their "comfort zone." The new relationship may be successful until they resolve old issues and find they no longer need to be abused to feel loved. Most rebound relationships don't have long term potential once the needy person begins emotional recovery.

People tire of 'needy, whiny people'. Some people like strong independent partners, while other can't cope with that personality type.

To be used as someone's rebound partner, so they can heal, sets you up for a failed relationship, in which the rebound person gets what they need from you, then quickly moves on to find love.

Whatever you do, take your time in building a new relationship if you want it to last for a while. Rebounders always have issues. Be careful who you date and inquire about their last relationship. They may be using you and not realize it. They may be caring a torch for the former parter. They may return to that partner and expect you to be waiting in case things don't work out. Never forget ... nothing lasts forever.

Reality is about patterns that repeat in time.

The rebound relationship is all about patterns - repeating patterns and learning about how one functions in personal relationships, the people one attracts and why, and the degree of sabotage that takes place.

It is all about healing the heart. Trust your guidance ... your inner voice ... what is in your best interests. Stop playing the role of caretaker of the heart and take care of your own needs.