A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

The Need for Someone to Blame

Autism is a weird thing. It's hard to get your mind around it's seeming lack of consistency. Actually that's a bad statement. It's absolutely inconsistent. That's the one thing you realize quickly. Take everything you know about logic and throw it away. It's hard to figure out. It's never the same. My kids do some things the same and some things completely differently.

It's caused by the unknown.

There's lots of things that are bad for us that impact our brains during development and those things are all around us. Why don't they impact everyone? Why only some? There have been lots of theories on which things they are that are the most troublesome, and some things have been dis-proven over the years.

The debates get hot and heavy, and rage & tear filled because of one simple reason. These are our children. We fear for our other children. We fear for your children. We want a reason and we want it to not be about us. I think that's just human, I know that the burden of being the reason my twins have such a disability is a huge one that I would struggle to knowingly bear.

I don't ever debate anyone for the reasons they think it exists. Ok well that might be a bit untrue, let's say I'm TRYING not to. It's a subject that no one has a casual opinion about. People are fervent in what they believe, and aren't afraid to rip your head off if you disagree with them. When you disagree with them, you're disagreeing with what gets them through the night you see.

They've figured out who to blame. And that helps them cope.

I cry as much as any special needs parent does, I can promise you that. But I don't rely on a spiritual reason for Autism. I don't believe that God has a plan that will reveal what all this means. That doesn't mean I think you shouldn't. It just means that it doesn't work for me. It doesn't make me feel any better to think that way, and so I don't.

So what do I rely on?

Nothing but myself and my husband. Very often my oldest son.

Who I blame?

No one.

That doesn't make me better it just makes me different. I've reached this point where blaming doesn't make it better. What I want is science to bring a real answer, and I want it figured out for REAL and I want it to stop happening to other people. I could sit here for a year and find links to studies that link developmental issues with this or that and the other thing. Chemicals are bad. Pollution is bad. Hell, MONSANTO is bad. I don't even dispute that.

What I need is for the Surgeon General to put on a package "Use of this product increases your risk of passing on Autism." I need iron clad science - like smoking and lung cancer. Why can't we get that?

I read an article by an MIT scientist person talking about Monsanto and Autism.  I need more science like this. More and more and more. But the truth is, as harrowing as that prediction is, we don't know - we need to keep studying. I don't need random conspiracy blogs and I definitely don't need Jenny McCarthy (no you don't get to backtrack Jenny sorry).

I want more people like that studying and giving us real science.

Because if we could just get someone real to blame, I could get behind the blame game (not that it would fix anything). Until then, I'm going to say that nature is cruel but they told me that nature said I would have no children, and I have four. So nature is really a confused thing.

And Autism sucks.