Thursday, November 21, 2013

4 weeks later and I'm still dreaming about it.

I was just dreaming that I was back training with Virgin America. They were giving me one last chance to pass training and be a flight attendant with them. We were all in a big room, about to start our final exam. I was upset though because I had been gone for a few weeks and wasn't able to learn any of the study material, so I was trying to explain to the instructor that there was no way I would pass when I wasn't able to study beforehand. And the instructor just stared at me with a look of disgust and said, "You just looooveee to complain, don't you?" I was flustered and trying to explain myself without looking defensive, but I couldn't get the words out and instead just looked like an idiot. A frustrated idiot.

Then I woke up.

Last night, The Dizzle asked me how I was feeling about the whole situation now that it's been 4 weeks. He then cautiously asked, in the most gentle way ever, "Do you have a plan in mind?"

Well, yes? No? Maybe? Tentatively.

I told myself that I just want to get through the rest of the year without having to stress or make definite plans. I want to get through the holidays and relax a little. I've always been one to have a plan, to know what my next steps were. But right now, I just want to not have to plan and stress and think so hard. Am I brainstorming a few things? Sure. Am I putting my feelers out for a few possibilities? Sometimes. So it's not like I'm just laying in bed all day (though, there can be large portions of my day when that does happens), doing nothing. I am getting out with friends, I am getting to the gym, I am cooking dinner and cleaning this little box of ours, I am blogging, and reading, and yeah, okay, sometimes an hour goes by that I'm playing Candy Crush, but I'm not moping anymore. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I am just....embracing my current life situation that happens to not be all that busy.

Do I have a set in stone plan yet? No. Not yet. But I want to feel like that's okay for now. Sometimes when I get the text messages or questions of, "So, what's your plan?" I want to yell, "I don't know yet!" I know it's always seemed like I've had it together before, always had that secure job, or I was traveling around the world, or I was training for that marathon, but as for right now, I don't. And right now, I'm going to choose not to feel guilty about it.

With that said, do I feel like humans function better when they live a life with purpose and productivity? Absolutely. I don't think life should be wasted away, doing nothing, and not living for anything. What's the point in that? But I don't think that a JOB is the only way to live your life with purpose or productivity. Does that make sense? So for now, I will not just jump back into a corporate job that makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I also will not just lay in bed every day, doing nothing with my life. But I will take a little time to continue brainstorming and thinking about things that will truly make me excited and happy again.

End rant.


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  1. You are exactly where you should be and doing exactly what you should be doing right now. How do I know? Because that's where you are and that's what you're doing :) I love that you don't have a plan..........until you do. Then I'll love the plan that you have. You are amazing and I love you very much.

  2. Don't let people that don't matter pressure you into anything you're not ready for, especially work! I think you have so much ahead of you but there probably is a chance you have to let go of your recent experience to move forward. Just let yourself heal these holidays and when you're ready, jump head first into a new experience (because honestly you're the queen of doing that!). Hug VDizz, float some ideas around with him about what you might want to try next, no harm in relying on our men to help guide us to new adventures.

  3. I love reading your blog and I agree with you 100%. I gave my 2 week notice and plan to do exactly what you say. Take some time to figure things out and what I want the next step to be. Oh and drive cross country exploring lol. But never feel guilty for being mature enough to take time and think things through before just jumping in.

  4. You'll figure it out. Life goes on.

    1. That sounds bitchy. I meant the opposite of bitchy.

  5. You'll figure it out. No rush girl, do your thing. :)

  6. I don't exactly know what you're going through, but I'm currently unemployed and looking. Living back at home with my parents. Practically broke, but thankful that I can live with them so I have no real bills. It's frustrating though. And questions from people are sometimes the worst things to hear. I hate hearing "So what are you doing now?" "How's the job search going?" "Do you have any thing in mind at the moment?" Because the truth is painful.... I'm doing nothing because I don't have a job and don't have any money. The job search sucks because I continue to get rejection letters or don't make it past the interview to land a job and writing cover letters may just be the death of me. And other than applying for jobs and looking for jobs, I don't have anything else in mind.... When you're on the other side, you think about those "normal" questions that we ask people... similar to the "When will you be engaged?" and "When are you having kids?" question.... DON'T ASK! haha

  7. Don't feel like you have to follow the world's timeline! Just be your own person, and it will all work out!

  8. Things happen in life as they should so maybe the perfect vocation is just within grasps. keep that chin up. x

  9. You are such a positive person who puts good into the world, it will come right back for you! The Job Gods just thought you needed a little holiday break to spend with the family! Soak it up, one day you will look back at these struggles and laugh!!

    Have a great day!!

    (I am very good to give advice and awful at taking it, haha! As I sit here at a job I hate plotting how to get out!)

  10. When I got laid off last year it honestly came as a shock and although I had things I WANTED to do....I had no plan and a lot of student loans to pay off, so I was scared...really scared. It took me four months to find a job and I was looking really hard, all the while people asking, "what's your plan?" "have you found a job yet?" "still no job?". Ugh. Stressful.

    That being said, I did eventually find a job and even though it's not the most amazing job ever, it has a clear benefit to my future and I believe it will lead to even better things down the road. The point is, we all fall down from time to time, and sometimes it's devastating, but we pick ourselves back up when the time is right. Each experience helps us to learn, grow, and can ultimately lead to better things down the road. You'll get there, and when you do, you'll look back on this low point as nothing but a distant memory.



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