Display, Beg, Pump

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You guys! How awesome is this? Answer: So awesome. It is so awesome. It can’t even wrap my head around it.

You guys! Did you see her dress on the red carpet? Wasn’t it so gorge? OMG! Yaaassss queen! I would beg satan to take me to hell if it meant I could wear that dress.

Oh my god! And those pumps? Delicious! My silky gams would be on display in those heels. Rawr.

But seriously how exciting is this? So exciting.

It’s more fabulous to be fabulous than not. Am I right? People can thank what they wish about me, my intelligence, my sexuality, my IQ, whatever. It literally matters not. There is more substance in a fancy, dancy fart than any of their thoughts.

Ask me any of your questions. I’d be happy to answer. Ecstatic! Ask me to my face with politeness and respect. I respond with an answer in kind.

I don’t know or understand everything either. So I’ll ask you questions as well, honey. It’s not the questions that offend, it’s the assumptions.

So let’s have an asky dance where we ask and dance out all our questions. Our minds are starving for information, let’s not keep them hungry lest they begin to eat themselves.

Honey! That scone! What am I eating? Baby Jesus’ favorite pillow? Pah-lease! And this coffee, Damnit I can’t understand where coffee this good could come from unless it’s scooped from the surface of some coffee making planet where all the residents (we would be the aliens) do nothing but perfect coffee. Delicious!

I know girl, they can’t all be fantastically fabulous like me. Oh, don’t you worry about my self-esteem. When you’ve been clear to the bottom their is nowhere for the e-steem to go but up. It’s basically physics, honey.

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