801 756-1980

I, Anonymous: Your Manicure Looks Great, but Your Parenting Skills Suck


At the salon, my nails are slowly drying. You are sitting next to me, and your 3-year-old daughter is sitting two chairs away. This tells me you’re a “hands off” parent, who prefers to use words that don’t mean shit to a tiny person. She’s playing with your cell phone. Suddenly, you begin a series of loud, empty attempts to parent from your chair as the tech is sanding off last month’s manicure. Your rant includes threatening not to bring her to the salon again if she doesn’t sit still, to stop playing with the phone that YOU put in her hands, basically telling her to stop being a 3-year-old. She’s ignoring you. Eventually, she says, without looking up, “Mommy, stop yelling at me!” Yes, shut the fuck up! Some advice: Next time, get a babysitter. We know you can afford it if you can pay someone to paint your 3-year-old’s toenails. Oh, and please don’t have any more kids, ’cause you suck at it.

To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, send an e-mail to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.