Calm me please! — The Bump
School-Aged Children

Calm me please!

My daughter is a very good kid but lately she has been "pulling sticks in school". Thats their system for if kids disobey the rules. They start out with 100% conduct and get a point taken for every stick pulled. Shes pulled 3 in two weeks for talking in the hallway. One time she said all she said was I like your shoes to another child walking with her class. I explain to her that it wasn't necessary for her to make that comment and she thinks its silly for her to get in trouble for saying one little thing. So I explain that the teacher is the law while shes there and if they didnt have a system every kid would talk and it would be chaos. Well she gets a one night punishment when she pulls a stick. Like no computer games. No snack or whatever. This time she got a week of an earlier bed time and my lord youd have thought Id have beaten her with the way she acted. She gives excuses, she blames me. We communicate very well in our house but geez. She has been picking up alot of things lately. Being rude to me in the mornings especially. Yesterday she was eating breakfast and has a miniscule piece left and I told her to go brush her teeth and she snapped back at me that she wasn't done. She hummed to block me out from talking to her the other day. Ahh, I get soooo frustrated. She gets timeouts and talks but nothings getting through that thick skull lol. I know I know be consistant and firm but I just want to scream in a pillow sometimes. Btw shes 7 and is in first grade any advice?

Re: Calm me please!

  • What happens at school if she pulls one stick? And does she get it back the next day or does it apply to the week? Does she ever lose more than one?

    And call me crazy but I agree with her it is silly to get in trouble for speaking at school like that but I get that the rules are the rules, my friend's son's teacher made them have snack while silent last year, ridiculous IMHO.
  • Well they just put a conduct grade on their report cards and each grading period they start with 100% then a point i taken ( not given back) from their 100% and at the end if they pull 10 sticks they get a 90%. I dont think in any way this is abnormal. Every kid tests their limit or chooses to do what they want instead of what they have to but its something that never happened before. Some of it is extreme I think. She dropped her pencil one time and didnt ask to pick it up she just got out of her seat n got the pencil and she had to pull one. They dont get a warning. The beginning part of the year they are reminded of the rules and after a few weeks they are expected to know. Thats fine. She can remember that I said we could have ice cream the 22 day in march but she cant remember to not talk in the hallway. And yea they have a no talk policy at lunch. They eat with the lights off and when they are turned back on they can talk quietly. I think they should be able to take a load off while they eat n talk. If they dont get to finish bc they talked too much then thats on them. The next day maybe they'll not talk so much. Its a strict policy but for some kids school provides them their only meals unfortunately n they prob just want every child to be able to eat all of their food.
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  • Is it a parochial school? I know I might be more laid back than many but I would let the school handle her discipline at school for minor things and reward her for when she does well instead of punishing her for picking up a pencil that fell on the floor. I am constantly telling my kids to pick up the stuff they drop, getting in trouble for not just taking care of it at school would be enough for me.
  • No its just regular public school. I think some things are nuts too. I do a punishment based on what the stick was for. Nothing over the top but 3 in 2 weeks is ridiculous too. I dont give her a punishment for things I dont agree with like the pencil thing but I do tell her the teacher is the boss at school and to know the rules.
  • Both of my kids went through a very sassy stage at around 7.  Children go through a cognitive, social, and emotional growth spurt around this age, and it causes them to challenge authority more than they do at age 5, 6, or 8.

    My sister teaches elementary art, so she sees kids from ages 4 to 11.  She always dreads when the first graders get to the middle of the year, because kids who were perfectly adorable in K suddenly become snarky.  They grow out of it, though! 

    Maintain high expectations for her behavior and be consistent, but don't be too worried. 


    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • I don't think its silly to get in trouble for talking in the halls.   Its a common infraction at school.  When you are talking in the halls, you are disturbing the other classes while they are trying to learn.  Also, the hallways tend to carry noise and often does so to the office--where people are trying to have phone conversations.   If its okay for one person to say "I like your shoes" then imagine it being okay for 20 kids to say so and then the noise that creates.  

    However, I think having a stick pulled every once in a while isn't a bad thing.  You can't have good days all the time.  I know I don't.   I wouldn't punish at home for a common infraction.   Office visits or things that require parent phone calls are free game though.  In our house, if you are sent to the office, then you remain in your room the rest of the evening. 

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  • My daughters class starts on a happy face and if they act up they move to opps face, grump face, then sad face. They lose class privileges when their face moves so I see no reason to discipline at home for opps face or grump face. Now sad face is different because that is the worst so they must have done something pretty bad. My daughter got one sad face, 2 grumpy faces and several opps faces. All the opps faces were for talking. One grumpy face was because she was playing in a area on playground she wasn't supposed to be. The sad face was because her and a boy went in her friends back pack and threw all her stuff out. That she got in major trouble at home for!! But I see no reason to punish her for talking when she is already being punished at school. I talk to her yes but she is 5 in K and little girls talk a lot and I know that isn't going to stop any time soon!



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