lions share

Lion Jokes

A collection of lion jokes this week, for no particular reason. As normal, they come with no guarantee of funniness or originality…




My lion impression went down well.  A roaring success.


I would tell you about my dream involving a Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe, but it’s Narnia business.


At any given time, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is never more than a whim away.


Went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day. They didn’t all bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion’s share.


A lion goes into a restaurant and orders a steak.  The waiter asks how he would like it. The lion replies, “RAW!”


I saw a big cat wearing a very flamboyant hat and cape the other day. I think it was a dandy lion.


Friend of mine used to take a bit of pride in his job.  He was a lion thief.


Why did the lion get lost?  Because jungle is massive.


I’m not a fan of lion bars.  They seem to be quite dangerous places to hang out.


I was in the book shop earlier, and they had a third off all titles.  I bought a copy of The Lion, The Witch…


A neighbour told me he spotted a lion recently.  I told him that if it was spotted, it was more likely a leopard…



Last week’s bed jokes are here.

If you like these lion jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.


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