Monday, April 18, 2011

The Power of Yes

If I had to guess my most frequently uttered word, I could safely say that it's "No".

No, you may not have ice cream for breakfast. 
No, you can not spend the entire day on the computer.
No, you can not lick the dog's eyeball. 

Sometimes, I say no before they even have the question out. Sometimes, I say no, then upon reflection, wonder why I said no, and then change my answer to yes.

Can I wear my blue dress? No. Why not? I don't know. Please? Okay, wear the blue dress.

Not only is that nonsensical and slightly horrible parenting, it kind of makes me look like a dumbass.

Look, I recognize that "Because I said so." is a perfectly good answer for a lot of questions. I don't need to tell them why they can't go to so and so's house to play. I don't have to explain why they have to wait until they're 13 to wear eyeshadow (16 for Henry). Because I'm the boss, and because I said so.

But sometimes I wonder if being the Queen of No is diminishing the Power of No. So today I decided to do something I rarely do: Think before I speak. When asked "can I...", I was going to stop, really think about it, and then answer. And you know what I learned? Many times, the answer is really Yes.

Can I play on the computer before we go to the store? (I still need to clean up the kitchen and get Henry dressed, so - )Yes.
I don't want to go to Old Salem, can we just go home and color Easter eggs? (OK, Old Salem is bo-ring when you're 4. It's me that wants to go. Do I really want to drag them around so I can take a couple of pictures? So - )Yes.
Can I do it myself? (FUCK. You are going to make a huge mess and I am going to have to clean it up and I am a big fat control freak, ack ack ack, but!-)Yes.

It's been a great day. It hasn't been an indulgent day. Everyone ate real food and brushed teeth and put on underwear and all the important stuff. I've said No quite a few times. But they were real Nos, meaningful Nos, and Nos that even a kid could understand.

It will take some getting used to, if I manage to keep this up. It will take some slowing down and mindful consideration. It will take a lot of thinking before I speak, a practice I could stand to apply to conversations with everyone in my life.

Maybe if I master this I can tackle "Not right now, I'm busy."?


  1. I so relate to being the queen of "No"...because a lot of the time it does end in a big mess for me to clean up. I have started asking myself will it really matter five years from help solve some of those "no" problems. Here's to listening , thinking and then speaking.

  2. The google ads are hilarious on this post!