Friday, March 15, 2019

Cherry Potatoes: The Perfect Baked Potatoe Secret

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

This one I should not be giving away, as it is a global secret and worth billions of dollars, as non donating rich people will be implementing this and enjoying themselves further at my expense which simply is sinful and not right.
Perhaps God will make this hot coals on their heads, I do not know, as I am moved in Spirit to always advance humanity as that is what Solomon types do in they simply can not cease elevating the primates from their primate butt picking.

This is how to make a nice baked potatoe with a Dan Quayle E.

I know you have heard to wrap them in tin foil, some just put them in the oven, others put them into pans, and what you end up with is these soggy wet things in aluminum foil or these burned to hell spuds dry as a non donor's soul.

Here is what you do.

First, you have to get some Russset potatoes as that helps a great deal in the correct texture. Fresh from the garden are splendid in how sweet and fruity they are.

Now comes the hard part.

Get yourself a baking pan. It does not matter as long as it is a baking pan. I know I said this is a hard part, but for non donors that means getting off your ass and getting the pan and not expecting people who are waiting for you to die to get the pan for you.

Wash the potatoes and let them air dry.

Put parchment paper into the baking pan.

Again here is a hard part in you get some olive oil and you coat the outside of the potatoe skin with the olive oil.

Next you place the pan with the potatoes into the oven at 350 degrees and bake until they are done. You do not cover them. You bake them.

For 90 minutes in propane oven that is 50 years old like the relic I am stuck with. Shorter time with a convection. Turn them though with a pot holder for even cooking.

What you will end up with is a browned potatoe skin without being burned, and the perfect moisture for the potatoe flesh inside.

Yes the Lame Cherry method of baking potatoes is a world secret. No flaking skins like dandruff. No skins blacker than Obama. Just a baked potatoe which behaves on the plate for serving and eating and no one will know how you did it,  as the skins will pull away from the flesh with just the right bubbling due to the flesh shrinking as the correct moisture escapes.

Ok hot potatoes and hot coals, and I do not intend the second part as I am just a nice girl always trying to make life better for people, as how many holiday meals really start the friction of the prick relatives over a damned shitty baked potatoe. Nom de Deus, my sister, the college educated one, her idea of a holiday meal is a shitty baked potatoe, some ham or something and a corn. Like living in the Dirty 30's. I still remember them bad potatoes.
Of course that is better than the other sister whose idea of food is goddamn mashed potatoes with broth in them and her husband turning the turkey into a fossil. Next year they got a turkey roll as the main course.I tell you that shit food still has me curling my lip over and I have not gone back.

So at least spare the potatoes. Do nice thing to them like butter or sour cream, large black pepper cracked and they are part of the meal instead of the thing you just eat to get it the hell out of the way.

Do not assault the potatoes. Do not poke holes in them. Do not scrub them with scouring pads. Wash them like Jesus washing feet and anoint them with oil and then bake them like Lazarus in the tomb and in time call them forth.

Nuff Said