Thursday, December 17, 2009

Storyville Librarians Give Fathers Parenting Lessons

Storyville is truly a unique place. It's a part of a library that's designed for kids up to the age of five, to interact with books and toys in different settings. There's a small kitchen, and a grocery store to play in, a theater where the children can try out costumes, and a little fake garden to dig in.

It's a place where one type of parent will lead the kid on to different activities, while another parent will watch as the child finds his way around. Both are good parents--it's all about the different style of parenting.

Now, I belong to a group of stay-at-home fathers who meet up once a week with our children. We go to parks, and to shopping malls, museums, and swimming pools. We are aware of the hardship of living in a society where stay-at-home motherhood is still the norm, but we do what's good for our children, and that's the only thing that matters.

Still, every once in a while, someone will say or do something that will upset, even enrage us collectively. This happened last week in Storyville.

I wasn't there, but a few of the more dedicated members of the group made the long drive to the library. The kids played together or explored their surroundings as the fathers talked to each other.

Soon, a librarian approached the group of fathers and told them Storyville was meant for interaction and that they should have interacted with their children rather than just watched them interact with each other.

When the rest of the group heard about that, it created many outraged emails, and at least one other blog post.

I emailed the library and expressed my frustration over this incident. The one question on everyone's mind was, Would the librarian berate a group of mothers? Mothers meet and chat there all the time, after all.

The second issue was that in my limited experience, standing on the sidelines and watching your child interact with the world is more common with fathers. This could create the impression that a father doesn't care about his child's actions, when in fact this is just a different style of parenting.

And furthermore, as not all the fathers from the group were in one area (some were indeed "interacting" with their children in a different area of Storyville), why did the librarian see fit to give all of them a lesson in parenting?

Judy Kaplan, the manager of the library, emailed me back. While part of the email was somewhat apologetic, most of it was condescending:

Early literacy and school readiness inform the guiding mission of Storyville. Though Storyville may look like a play area for children, it is actually a research based learning environment which incorporates the very important role of the parent as a child’s first teacher.

I guess I should thank her for the second lesson in parenting. She continues to describe the particular incident, where mothers complained to the librarian because unattended children were endangering others.

When appropriate and safe use of Storyville is compromised by the activities of unattended children, it is our responsibility to address the caregivers.

It still doesn't answer the question of why all fathers in the group were approached by the librarian, even though not all of them were together at the time. All fathers involved said the kids were constantly watched as they interacted with each other and with the many toys the place contained. No one treated Storyville like a playground.

Finally, by the end of the email, the issue of "interaction" is mentioned:

One of the comments you read, said, “My daughter and I have been to Storyville at least a dozen times during the last couple of years and not once was I instructed to “interact” with her, but only to make sure I didn’t leave her unattended.” This should not have been the case and I apologize to your group for this miscommunication. We will be sure our staff knows to be more informative, when welcoming visitors.

Well, I supposed that's as far as I can expect them to go. This will definitely not make me feel welcome in that place ever again. I love to watch my son explore the world on his own. I stand aside and watch him learn. Apparently, this is not something I'm allowed to do in Storyville.



  1. Wow. Amazing. I did hear about a time when some moms were at Storyville and the librarian chastised one of the mothers for leaving her child "unattended" when the kid was just 5 feet away. I've never been to Storyville, but after reading this, I'm not inclined to try it out. I'll stick to my local branch of the EPFL, which may not have a fancy "interaction" area, but the children's librarian knows my kids by name and is always happy to see us.

  2. MommyK, thanks for the Wow, first of all. It's good to know I'm not the only one who finds it all a bit shocking. Storyville could potentially be a great place, but as long as it's run by people who know better than I do how to raise my boy, I don't consider myself welcome.

  3. I would've had some kind words for that librarian. Something about placing things where things aren't usually placed.

  4. DGB, my first comment when I got the email from one of the fathers who was there, was that it's a good thing I wasn't there, because being my father's son, I would have made a scene. I'm sensitive about stuff like that. ( <== about women giving fathers parenting lessons, not about things going were they shouldn't. Well, I'm sensitive about that too).

  5. In reading this (and being horribly disgusted), I couldn't help but wonder what kind of parenting advice you might get if the entire group showed up next time with their children on those aweful backpack\leash combos.

    "Look at that father using a leash to keep his kid so close! Isn't that aweful!". I might even be inclined to tell them it was the policy of the establishment.

    If you guys do it, we had better get pictures.

  6. The Man, That could be a good idea... I was thinking of going there and starting to complain to the librarian every time a kid walks more than two feet away from a mother--see if the librarian gathers all the mothers to give them parenting lessons.

    But I think the group is done with that place, to be honest. When I asked them what happened they seemed too depressed to even get angry about it.

  7. I hope they don't get too discouraged. My kid is 7 years old and my father-in-law has never been to ONE of her functions including the birth, chritening, dance recitals, b-days and etc. I would pick a crapy male involvement over none so add to that all the WONDERFUL male involvement your group provides and my hope in humanity actually grows!

    Don't let the experts of the world lessen the greatness you men are providing even if you actually HAD been in the wrong.

    Happy Holidays my brother!

  8. It's a group of stay at home fathers, so you know they (we) are very involved. It's just that some places, like Storyville, are so entrenched in old ways of thinking, that for a group of fathers to go there would be a waste of everyone's time. We'll just take our non-existent business elsewhere.

    Happy Holidays to you too. And thanks for the comments.

  9. It is quite horrible to see such old practises still in use in such an environment like this one. I thought the idea was to engage fathers to take a great and strong parenting role.

    Storyville certainly sounds like somewhere i will definitely NOT be visiting as a father if i'm left feeling that unwelcome!

    Thanks for sharing.

  10. It could be a really fun place, but as long as it's run by people who feel fathers need to be tested before they're accepted as normal parents, it's not a place I can visit.



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