Those of us who are care-takers often find ourselves giving way more to others than what we are receiving for ourselves. Somehow we have a concept in our minds that the more we give to others is the more we will receive. The bulk of that concept originated in our childhood. We may not have received the love and attention we deserved as a child, therefore we set out to get it from others. This need is what will push us into unhealthy emotional alliances. However, because we are automatic care-takers, the burden often falls on our shoulders to take care of others. Coupled with the fact that we also desire love, support and attention we tend to overwhelm ourselves in our pursuit of getting the emotional sustenance that we lack. How so? Well, we often go out of our way to be there for others in the subconscious attempt to have those individuals return the emotional support to us. When they don’t, we feel resentful, used and we get bitterly angry. What makes it more upsetting is realizing how much individuals take and take and take and do not seem appreciative of what we do. We then feel exhausted, bitter and used.

While we may not deliberately set out to do things for people just so they can turn around and be there for us, subconsciously the expectation is there. After all we were taught if we do for others then they will do for us. Actually, nothing is more further from the truth. On one occasion I had complained to a friend of mine regarding certain individual’s lack of appreciation and their being selfish. My friend replied, “It’s not those you help that will necessarily turn around and help you. The act of helping others is what builds up your return basket of abundance. By helping others you store up your treasures in the Universe which will be showered upon you when the time is right.” My friend was being loving and understanding because he was in the same position at one point in his life. However, I had felt embarrassed because I had grown up very religious and his advice was something that had been inculcated in me from childhood. However, when the physical part of us is hurt it is hard to think from a spiritual level. Now Spiritual level here does not refer to anything religious. It refers to that higher level of thinking that helps us to see the bigger picture rather than focusing on the little things. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to think from a spiritual level when there are physical issues that bother us.

To help ease the pain of not having people there for us, here are five factors to consider when others are not there for us:

? They resent needing help in the first place. It has nothing to do with you. They may have personal issues that need to be worked out.

? It is often easy for others to recognize when you are willing to help. So they will take advantage of it knowing that you will always be there to help.

? Some individuals do not like to feel indebted to others. So while they maybe grateful that you were there for them they shy away because they do not want to be reminded that they need to be there for you or for someone else.

? Others can feel overwhelmed by your level of help. It may make them feel inadequate in their own lives. They are embarrassed that they are not like you and not be able to give of themselves selflessly.

? They may sense that you are looking for them to return the favour, even if that is not the case, and they may shy away.

Being of service to others is a humble and noble deed. However, those of us who are care-givers sometimes go overboard in the act of helping others. We do expect others to be there for us and we end up feeling deeply hurt when those same individuals are not there when we need it. But if we take certain steps towards taking care of ourselves we won’t feel so overwhelmed and we will ease the need to be needed.

Understanding: Understand that who you help is not necessarily the ones who will turn around and be of service to you.

Abundance: When you help others you are filling your basket of abundance in the Universe. So offer your services and detach yourself from the outcome. Meaning do not expect anything. If you feel that you going to expect something then don’t offer your help.

Rewards: No good deed goes unpunished. You will be rewarded a hundred times fold for each act of kindness.

Loving: Those that you help are not necessarily in a position emotionally and spiritually to help you. Forcing them to do so is not loving and it actually goes against your purpose of trying to help them.

Accepting and acknowledging your own issues is the first step in understanding why you get upset when others are not there for you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in wanting to be loved, needed, supported and accepted. However, those were emotions that should have been provided by your parents. If you did not receive those emotions from your parents then unfortunately others are not able to give it to you since they themselves maybe lacking in those emotions for their own selves. In giving so much of ourselves we forget to replenish our souls and this can leave us feeling burnt out and miserable. However, it is important that we replenish our souls. Schedule a Spa day for yourself at home. Start by indulging in a Lavender or Jasmine aromatherapy bath. Purchase aromatherapy oils you can sprinkle on your pillows at night that will help you to sleep better and leaving you feeling pampered. Purchase aromatherapy oils that you can sprinkle on your pillows at night that will help you to sleep better and leaving you feeling pampered. Light aromatherapy candles around your house including your kitchen and your bathroom. Helping others is great, however, take the time to be your own care-taker. By focusing on providing a more loving environment for yourself you will off-set your need to have others be there for you.


Author's Bio: 

Trudy-Ann Ewan, Founder and CEO of Create Your Passion, is a Creative Life Coach, Author and Keynote Speaker, who specializes in the development of personal relationships and (w)holistic living. She works with individuals who are seeking to build a better relationship with themselves and create a more balanced and healthy (w)holistic life. To learn more and to obtain a free sample copy of her new E-Book “Unleashing Your Passionate Self - Discover the YOU Within” when you sign up for her free Create Your Passion Monthly Newsletter visit her website at: where you can also access her Coaching Program and Speaker services.