A romantic or a narcissistic relationship?

Are you in a narcissistic relationship? Were you thinking you were in heaven when you fell in love and are you fearing that you are heading for hell?

If you are in doubt, check out the 7 signs below. Be as honest as you can. Don’t make excuses for your partner, just look at the facts.

Check out the signs below and take control of your happiness if you are in a narcissistic relationship

1. Overwhelmingly romantic and quick

As narcissists are very good at presenting themselves as attentive, loving and lovely for a short period of time, they are keen to make the courting period short and intensive.

They usually sweep their partner to be off their feet, are all over them, telling them ‘you are the one’ and ‘how could I have lived without you’ and are in a hurry to take the relationship to a different level. One lady I spoke to was proposed to within 3 days after she met her husband to be and within 6 months they were married. That was when the fairy tale turned into a nightmare.

2. The rhythm of warm and cold

Your partner will behave unpredictably. One moment they are warm and loving, then next you get the cold shoulder. Maybe because you didn’t do as they requested, maybe because they want to let you know that you need to deserve their love. It is difficult to predict what you will receive, but it will unsettle you.

3.  Your partner is incredible: clever, successful, pretty, powerful and more and you are soooooo lucky to have him/her. Because how could someone like you entice someone like them… Don’t ever forget that. This is one of their power tools.

4. Any situation or discussion ultimately will revolve around them. If you want to discuss a work topic, they will bring it back to their work. If you talk about your marathon training, they will start talking about their exercise or non-exercise challenges. The focus of attention need to be on them.

5. There is no empathy. You will not get the ‘oh poor darling, what a terrible situation for you. It must be so sad, difficult, upsetting…. ‘ The reaction you will get would be more along the lines of dismissiveness, shrugging shoulders and change the subject. They simply don’t get emotions and emotional support.

6. You will notice you are moving between hope and fear. Fear for doing something wrong (in your partner’s eyes) and getting punished via put-downs, being blanked, change of plans where what you want is not going to happen and sometimes even violence. Hope that it will all pass and that you will experience those feelings from when you just started off. But underneath the hope and fear, there is a belief that you are a little nothing and you wouldn’t be able to live without them. The message your partner sends you is around how difficult demanding and insignificant you are. No one would put up with you, apart from him or her. They instil a fear and an insecurity in you that will prevent you from leaving

7. They are always right and in control. Discussing their behaviour and criticising them is not an option. They get annoyed and will bluntly refuse to talk about them having done something wrong.

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?

You have two choices. Both are pretty demanding but they very different. The difference between imprisonment or freedom.

Choose to stay, as you believe in your partner, you have seen their inner beauty or maybe you want to save them….. If so, manage your expectations and look for other people to meet your needs.

If not, be prepared for a nasty break-up with the reward of freedom.

Facebook group Narcissism

Not sure what narcissism is? Read here

Most weeks I reserve a few spots for a free coaching call. It offers a confidential space to explore your issues and get some advice on how to move forward. If you would like to book one of those slots, click here and choose your time.