Nicole Nachtman: We Have a Jury.

July 24, 2019

Hello my lovelies, your queen of all I survey am amped up for this one.  As Stephan from Saturday night live fame would say, This one has everything.   Battered Child Syndrome, Insanity, Schizophrenia, possible multiple personalities and YAY dueling psychiatrists.  All we need now is a banjo and some pork rinds and we’d have us a party.  I’m looking around for a live feed, if anybody finds one let me know.

RBMD peacing the fuck out


January 22, 2019





RBMD peacing the fuck out


So Let’s Talk About The Cocksucker That Just Murdered 4 People. Chris Watts

August 21, 2018

Shanann Watts returned home from a work trip after a long delay from her flight and arrived home around 2am.  Mr lying piece of shit went on national tv to tell the world that they had had an emotional conversation because all normal people who get home at 2 am do that, especially when Mr. wonderful had to be at work for 5 am.  We know he was having an affair with a co worker who has yet to be named and we can assume that all Shanann wanted was her bed.  He went on national tv and begged for them to come back, they were his world, their smiles were his heart, yada yada all the bullshit that killers say.  He had scratches all over his neck.  If you watch the conference you can see them.  Here friends got concerned when they went to her house and there was no answer and a welfare check was performed.  during that time her purse, and phone and other assorted things you take with you when you go out were discovered.

Here is a direct quote from father of the year. “Shanann, Bella, Celeste: If you’re out there, just come back. Like if somebody has her, just bring her back. I need to see everybody. … This house is not complete without anybody here. Please bring ‘em back,” he said.

The police believe that the girls and Shanann were killed inside the home although they won’t say why.

Shanann was found in a shallow grave on the property where Mr. wonderful worked and the girls were found close to the body in full oil drums which of course will mess up any DNA that may have been on the bodies.  They would also mask any smell.  The Watts were having money problems because an affair costs money you know.  My theory.  Shanann found out about the affair and was planning on leaving his ass.  Mr. Masculine could not take that particular blow to his overgrown ego and decided that that was not going to happen.

According to her face book page, he is the one that talked her into another high risk pregnancy since she had Lupus and all pregnancies are high risk when you have Lupus.  By all accounts their daughters loved their father which makes this as sick and sad as can be.

There are talks of a plea deal but we will have to wait and see because this piece of shit does not deserve a plea deal and especially if he is selling this my wife did it and I just snapped.  Also isn’t it funny that everyone was strangled.  Even if you believe that Shanann strangled the kids which I don’t.  Strangling is hard and she’d have claw marks all over her arms from the older girl fighting, suffocation with a pillow would be the way to go.  and even if that was the case why did he strangle Shanann.  He caught her in the act and didn’t smash her over the head with the first available object.  Instead he spun her around, managed to grab her by the neck and strangled her.  I call bullshit.  Large steaming amounts of bullshit.  I believe he strangled her just not the story that goes with it.  And if he caught her why could the child not be saved.  He interrupted her remember.


January 13, 2018
















RBMD peacing the fuck out.



January 2, 2018




Here is a linky to actual interview on Cavett 









Reallybigmeandog peacing the fuck out.

PS keep the puke buckets handy.


I Got Carjacked By A Black Man And My Kids Are In The Car…Goddammit way wrong trial. The Hippies Did It Part 3

January 1, 2018

Hai my lovelies.  We are at that titular moment where your queen must ask that you go get out your Pretoria puke buckets because shit is about to get mad real.  I have barf bags for anyone who has misplaced their Pretoria puke bucket.

So when we left Dr Fuckface he was dyyyyyyying and the MP’s and EMS had arrived.  Now they had multiple dead and the aforementioned dyyyyyying not a doctor MacDonald to deal with.  So they basically trampled the crime scene into oblivion.  Some fuckhead stood a flowerpot up,  someone lifted MacDouchebags wallet, and eleventy billion footprints went in and out of the house.  It was not what one would call a pristinely kept crime scene.

Shit I forgot a weapon.  Bad queen, bad, bad queen.  There was also a Geneva forge steak knife that was impaled in Colette’s chest.  It is important because one of the first spontaneous utterances from MacDiemotherfuckerdie was tell the MP’s I pulled the knife out of her chest cuz guess what finger prints were about to appear on the Geneva Forge steak knife…I’ll wait.  Machowisthisfuckerstillalive’s finger prints that’s whose.  Five points for Griphendore.  Anyway, stupid actually did give himself a omg I’m going to have to spell that again fuck it he collapsed his lung.  That was pretty much the extent of his injuries.  a collapsed lung which was self inflicted and a hair brush booboo.

Colette suffered two broken in several places arms, She was stabbed `16 times with a knife,  21 not 14 like I erroneously said yesterday icepick puncture wounds, and a whole bunch of blue fibres underneath the body that was already dead when MacAsshole got there.  Hmmm. Odd. Colette was pregnant with a 5 month old fetus of male gender.  And in the words of Forrest Gump that is all I have to say about that.    Then there was the word PIG (cue helter skelter) written on the headboard of the bed with a whole bunch of blue fibres scattered at the bottom of where the word was written.  Strange that.  These blue fibres just seem to be in all kinds of places that they should not be.  Maybe the hippies did it.  Except that they didn’t. These pesky fibres seemed to be showing up in the oddest places.  Both children’s rooms, under the blankets in the children’s rooms, on Colette, under Colette.  And wood splinters.  Lots of wood splinters in very strange places.  Now poor little Jeffy was at the hospital and Mr. and Mrs. Kasaab, who happened to really love Jeff went to see him at the hospital and my only thinking here is that they were so grief stricken that they were willing to believe anything at this point.  Anything that would explain the slaughter of their entire family.

MacGofuckyourselfwithapineapple fell asleep in the living room and it was there that he was awakened by someone thumping him with a club.  Then he heard his entire family screaming simultaneously which puts at least three more people in an army issue housing unit so that’s seven and him being a green beret and all had to save his family.  somehow and this is important it will be on the test, somehow got his pyjama top pulled up over his head and wrapped around his arms.  He used it to ward off blows from some kind of blade and the next thing he knew he woke up in the hallway.  The pyjama top was still wrapped around his wrists at this point, torn, shredded and he took it off as he went into the bedroom.

Wanna know where they didn’t find any blue fibres or wood splinters?….I’ll wait…THE LIVING ROOM where Jeffrey MacDiebitchdie was in the middle of a life and death struggle with not one, not two, not three but four hippies high on acid.  Acid is groovy kill the pigs.  Oh PUHLEASE.  It was that statement right there that convinced me he did it.  that one single statement.

So now Jeffy has regained consciousness  and he ran a marathon with his mortal (puke buckets would now be appropriate) wounds. He called for help,  He ran to check Colette, he gave her artificial respiration which just came out in bloody bubbles on her chest, he ran to check his own wounds, he checked both children, he looked out back (oddly enough that is where all the murder weapons were found) and he called for help again.  Under two minutes he performed all those acts in.  Look out Hussein Bolt.

The CID figured out pretty fast that Macyougointojailbitch did it.  It was pretty simple math.  It was proving it and they made a huge, gigantic mess out of that.  So much so that Macyouaresogoingtobechangingthatbabiesdiapersinhellforever almost got away with it.

They brought him in for questioning and pointed out he obvious, that they had seen all night poker parties that had caused more damage than the damage in the living room where a struggle between four acid fueled hippies and one green beret took place.

Freddy Kasaab was at first MacDidImentionIwouldlikeyoutodie his staunchest supporter.  Funny thing that.  It would be Freddy Kasaab who truly loved Jeffrey at that point in time that would be MacMygodyouareapieceofshit’s biggest supporter.  Want to know what is even funnier.  It would be Freddy’s single mindedness in finding the killers that brought him to a realization that probably cut him at least as deeply as the death of his precious Colette and her babies.  Jeffrey MacDonald did it.  Freddy Kasaab spent the next several years making sure he paid for it.

Let’s tune in tomorrow and find out what Freddy did.

RBMD peacing the fuck out

The Screwdriver Wielding Skateboard Gang…Fuck, Sorry Wrong Trial Again. The Hippies Did It Part Two

December 31, 2017

Hai my lovelies.  Let us get back to the philandering, misogynistic, reprehensible human type hominid, piece of shit known as Jeffrey MacDonald

   What can I say, it seemed appropriate, although on a side note, I own a shirt that says surely not EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting.  I believe that is probably correct.

So, where were we?  Oh yeah boxing trip to Russia that never existed.  Anyway I’m gonna guess that is the proverbial straw although it could have been anything.  Maybe mama got tired of having two baby kids and one grown kid to fetch and carry for every single day, maybe she knew he was fucking anything that would stand still long enough for him to get his penis into, maybe she was pissed at his spending habits, maybe she was sick of being over ridden on every single nit picky thing.  Maybe all of them, but the experts all agree on one thing.  Colette likely landed the first blow in this battle royale.  He was brought into the ER with an abrasion on his temple which was surmised during the recreation of the crime scene to have probably come from a hair brush.  Bad choice of weapon.  So, now that superman I can do what I want when I want make us some drinks, i’m inviting the neighbours over, I have to go to Russia fuckface has been challenged and that my friends did not go over well in his psychotic and likely high on a wack of speed little brain.  (he was not tested for speed but joe McGuiness found some notes about it when going through macdonalds stuff, about how long it would take to metabolize and clear the bloodstream.  Anyway Jeffy Macfuckface came back with a piece of lumber which happened to be handy and rang Colette’s bell with it.  She bled profusely onto macdonalds pajama top before she grabbed the pocket and ripped it off.  remember that it will be on the test.

Kimmie, hearing the commotion came into mommy and daddys room and caught one in the head as MacDonald hauled up for another whack at Colette.  Kimmies skull was severely fractured and her cast off was found on the wall and in large quantities on the floor in the master bedroom.  About this time MacFuckface figured out he was well and truly fucked.  Pretty hard to explain you were just mad so you tried to beat your wife to death with a piece of timber.  He picked up Kimmie, put her back in her room and tucked her in, along with about of a dozen of the threads from his pyjama top that he supposedly did not have on according to the story he told later.  That was when he remembered good old burning in hell right now Charlie Manson and decided he better make some shit up.  the hippies did it seemed plausible so he went with that.  Now he was going to need an epic struggle with multiple assailants so he was going to need multiple weapons.  an old hickory knife and an icepick along with the club.  Colette had come to by this point and on instinct she tried to protect her cubs.  Machurryupanddiealready beat his soon to be dead wife furiously with the club as she lay across her child trying to protect her.  She likely died in that room.  Her blood spatter, brain matter and cast off were all found in the childs room.  He wrapped her up in some bedding and carried her very pregnant body back to the master, threw his pyjama top over her and then proceeded to icepick her 14 times.  Kimmie who was already dead from the crushed skull was attacked with the knife as well, and then the monster, this…thing went into his living baby child’s room, lay her across his lap and stabbed her to death.  She knew who killed her.  The daddy she loved so very much was the one inflicting all the pain she suffered before she died.  Had he been even slightly human he would have hit her femoral artery first, let her bleed out and then stabbed her after.  Much more humane.  At least in my opinion.  I mean he was a doctor, there are ways to do things and it still could look like the hippies did it.  Anyway, now he needed to stage a crime scene in the living room where he was supposedly attacked.  Jeffrey Macdonald is an idiot.  If you are staging a crime scene where a life and death struggle is supposedly taking place you fucking throw yourself around the room, you don’t just flip over a coffee table and prop it up with a copy of esquire prominently displayed with the articles about Mansons hippies in it.  Of course the neighbours might have become alarmed and we couldn’t have that.

Next Dr. Not a Doctor anymore fucker went into the bathroom, grabbed a scalpel which it has been surmised he hid under a floorboard and poked a hole between a couple of ribs.   Sadly he went to deep and nicked his lung and ended up with a pneumothorax for his trouble although it didn’t really go sideways till he was all tucked in at the hospital where in the immortal words of Freddy Kasaab, Colette’s step father “what wounds, he didn’t even have mecurachrome on him when we saw him”  True story.

He then staggered (barf) to a phone and begged for help(double barf). The MPS and ems showed up and totally fucked up the crime scene which is what made this trial drag on until the second coming of Christ.

Tomorrow, what happened at the hospital and how many fucking trials can one person possibly have.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

I Am Dusting Off An Oldie But Such A Goody. Let’s Get The Crime Juices Flowing Again.

December 29, 2017

Hai my lovelies, tis me, your dean of fuckery, doctor of Doctoring, pretend Judge, honorary DVM, Dog Lactation Consultant, Horse Therapist, Author of the big book of words, owner of one in house psychic and of course Queen of all I survey.

Today’s blog is brought to you by Paul Bunyan the reason for which will become abundantly clear in a bit.

This family had some issues.  They had an uncle mixed up with the Gambino’s, a kid in the navy and a son in university.  On the outside, they looked like the perfect all American family, the family other families wanted to be.

On November 15 2004, Peter Porco was found dead of massive head injuries.  He had been attacked with an axe.  Axe murders are fun.  Messy, but fun.  Know what else is fun. Zombies.  Peter Porco had been hit 16 times in the head with the sharp edge of an axe.  Even so, that fucker decided that dead was not something he wanted to be and in the morning he got up, seemingly completely unaware that most of his head was missing, brushed his teeth, went and made a sack lunch, went out to get the morning paper, locked himself out and remembered where the key was hidden under the flower pot and let himself back in.  He eventually dropped from massive blood loss and expired on his kitchen floor.  Let’s do science, science is fun.  The top part of Peters brain which controls speech, thought etc was the part that was severely damaged.  the paleocortex, located underneath the neocortex was intact.  This is what controls primal instincts and second nature habits.  He performed the same tasks he performed every morning.

Now peter was a court clerk and when he didn’t show up for work someone  was dispatched to his home where whoever was sent got to see what they had had for breakfast the second time.

Frankie the fireman Porco was the dude hooked up with the Gambino’s and it was originally thought this was a mob retaliation hit.  This was quickly discarded and they moved on to another suspect.  The youngest son, Christopher Porco.

Christopher Porco is a piece of shit.  Let’s just get that right out there.  a stupid piece of shit, because the alarm had been disarmed by someone who knew the code which was only four people and one was on a navy ship far, far away , that pesky hidden key was found in the door (granted, Porco Sr could have left the key in the lock, I mean dude was basically running on fumes at this point.)

Chris had another itty bitty problem.  Moms was still somehow alive and her first statement, when asked if she knew who did it, she indicated her son had done it.  Once she started to recover she recanted her nod of the head but the police were positive she had admitted it the first time because she assumed she was dying.

So, let’s get back to the piece of shit.  Christopher Porco was a manipulative , lying, money grubbing swindling asshole.  He had staged a break in a couple of years earlier and stolen computers which he sold on ebay.  This would come back to bite him on he ass.  Hard.

He forged his parents signatures on bank loans and was caught.  His father threatened him with the cops if it ever happened again.  He was flunking out of college and he was pretending to be some rich fuck whose largess included pizza parties for entire dorms, things like that.

The motive was money obviously.  They had a lot of life insurance.  Like, a lot.

Christopher Porco was a good looking kid and he manipulated the ladies quite easily.  He went so far so big were his balls to ask the daughter of the investigator on the case to steal back the computer he had sold a couple of years earlier and that the cops had tracked down.

Chris at one point worked at a vet clinic and was very adept at cleaning up blood.  Let me tell you, an axe murder is gonna spray blood like everywhere.  walls, ceilings and clothing.  No clothing with blood was ever recovered and his jeep even though they took it apart right down to the last bolt gave up not one drop of blood.

I have a theory.  Chris killed his parents, showered, changed into the clean clothes he had brought with him and his bloody clothing are somewhere in a body of water.  It’s what I would do.  No blood to drip in the jeep and no bloody clothes.

Many people were behind him at first.  His house of cards came tumbling down once the women he was using started talking to each other and when that fucking computer was found.

There was so much family conflict that nobody knew about but was discovered through evil, angry emails sent back and forth between Chris and Zombie Porco.

He was arrested and arraigned and his mother was the star witness and the reason he got bail.  She swore her son had not done this and was angry that the police had decided to question her while she was so grievously injured that when they went to put he oxygen mask on they couldn’t decide exactly where her mouth was.

The lack of forensic evidence was daunting and annoying because the cops were sure he did it.

It was not until they started digging into the emails and stuff that the real dynamics of the family came out.  They were a family in deep crisis.

then the police received an interesting letter from anonymous saying he’d done it and he was gonna do it again.  The best theory is that Chris sent it.

Frankie the fireman was in jail at the time so his alibi was pretty tight.

He was finally tried and convicted, mom or no mom for the murder of his father and attempted murder of his parents.

It took forever, but they finally found enough evidence to convict the little entitled money grubbing bastard.

Dude, an axe?  really?  I really, really hate my parents and I would have never smashed them with an axe.

It was a difficult trial, but they got him and probably a good thing because the whole town had pretty much turned on him by then having seen how he was acting.  His favorite line to a bevy of girls, was you’re my girl to whichever one could help him at the time.  One girls mom worked for a newspaper and was talked into an article basically calling the police inept.  One like I said was asked to steal a computer out of the evidence locker.  One was for money.  Chris Porco is a piece of shit.

He got 50 years.  Not enough.  Not nearly enough.  A fucking axe.  What is he a Viking?  Jesus H Christ on a cracker.

So there is the story of Chris Porco, piece of shit extraordinaire.  Sadly for him that life insurance money never came through.

PS  I need to proofread more often

RBMD peacing the fuck out



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(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories


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Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.


Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories


sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us