Thursday, September 11, 2003

Here is to hoisting a couple to the memory of Vinny "Boom Batz" Abate and his younger brother Michael, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Stop it, you personage
*Did you hear there is going to be a new peach-colored twenty-dollar bill? And to think I didn’t even know that Andrew Jackson was gay. Come to think of it, he did go by the name Andrew.

Once upon a time, there was a slut
*Madonna has written a children's book. I think it’s titled; “Heather Has 47 NBA Daddies.”
I think Madonna’s children’s book is titled; “The Adventures of Whorey Potter.”

Oh, great
*J. Lo and Ben have postponed their wedding. Oh great. Just what am I supposed to do with embroidered copy of the “Gigli” review I got them for a wedding present?

There is a story going around that, in the Nineties, J. Lo was evicted from her Hollywood apartment because she left her dog in the apartment for three days without food, water or potty walks. In fact, J. Lo treated that poor dog worse than she treated most of her old husbands.

Terrorist and Fashion felon
*Did you see the latest videotape of Osama bin Laden? Talk about a guy who could use a make-over from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” Can’t you just hear Carson Kressley?

“Seriously, lose the khaki coat, it is so Sixties. And that hat? Somebody’s missing a toilet seat cover, please.”

This bin Laden clown comes out with more bad videos than Crazy Al Yankovic.

That long, huh?
*The Sporting News reports the average life of a major-league baseball is seven pitches. That’s two pitches longer than the average life of a Detroit Tigers pitcher.

Barbie Abdulah
*Saudi Arabia’s religious police have dubbed Barbie dolls a threat to the morality of Islam. Except for “Jihad Barbie” who comes with her own sidewalk café to blow up, that they OK’d.

How cold was it?
*Colorado got a late summer snowstorm. It snowed so much in Eagle county, Kobe was shaking from the cold instead of the thought of jail.

That old, huh?
*Rapper Ludicris turns 26 today. That’s about 86 in Rapper years.

*A man who worked as a shipping clerk in New York, mailed himself in a box to his parent’s house in Dallas. It turns out the guy just didn’t want to go through the pain, horror and humiliation of being seen on a Continental flight.

You can't blame her
*Did you hear that Madonna was on “Oprah” and Oprah made Madonna cry? Oprah must have shown a clip of Madonna’s movie “Swept Away.”