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Dragons' Den - Series 6, Episode 3

It's Episode 3 of Dragons' Den, where the witless, weird and occasionally wise try to sell their ideas for cash. Join Heidi Stephens from 9pm for the liveblog.

History is awash with brilliantly clever ideas that have revolutionised our lives; a quick flick through the Lakeland catalogue will show you at least two of them, and don't even get me started on the internal combustion engine.

Anyway, last week some highly unmemorable people took their ideas into the Dragons' Den. Most of the ideas were a bit rubbish, to be honest, but Peter Jones injected some excitement into proceedings by randomly investing more than the owner of fashion label Neurotica was asking for. I can only imagine that the pile of cash was burning a hole in his little table, or he has a weakness for womenswear. If you missed it, you can see it on BBC iPlayer, or read about it here.

So, tonight it's all about Episode 3 - I'll be here from 9pm on BBC2, following the fate of each fortune-hungry entrepreneur as they are invariably sent packing with nothing but empty pockets and a giant flea in their ear. Apart from one lucky person who won't be, I'll wager. Do join in by leaving your comments in the box below, and don't forget to click refresh for updates.

So earlier this week on BBC2's brilliant Mock The Week, comedian Russell Howard did a superb impression of a Dragons' Den contestant, announcing "Hello Dragons! It's about time bumblebees had slippers". Which made me laugh, and summed up the madness of DD far better than I ever could.

Interestingly, Russell Howard and I go the same gym in Bath. OK, not interesting at all. But if it's random facts you're looking for, Duncan Bannatyne has had a hair transplant, apparently, suggesting his life is indeed a rich tapestry. Let's see if we can spot the joins.

Tonight, on Dragons' Den (according to the BBC website):

"Hazel Ives is hoping the dragons will invest in her high wire adventure park; Michael Cotton has a device to prevent motorists filling up their diesel cars with petrol; and there are some gut-wrenching toys based on Roadkill animals."


In the meantime, something for all those Peter Jones lovers out there - 4 minutes and 37 seconds of the man himself. I still definitely would.

Back at 9!

21:00: It's started! Five dragons, very rich and successful, blah blah etc.

Lesley-Ann Simmonds is up first, she has a shoe-selling franchise called Shoes Galore Ltd, and wants £100k for 30% of her business. They sell shoes, bags and belts at parties, in at least four colours. Like Anne Summers, but with shoes rather than dildos.

It's a totally orgasmic experience, she tells us, somewhat unexpectedly, considering they are shoes rather than dildos. Forget Sex in the City, she's got Shoes in the City, she tells us, hilariously.

Peter says hello, and she goes all giggly and breathless. As you would.

Theo does the old 'my kids' inheritance' gag, then expresses concern about the amount of stock she is holding. It doesn't make financial sense, he says. Leslie-Ann is getting less breathless.

Duncan doesn't think she can make a profit either. James is out too. Ooh, there goes Peter. Will Deborah go for her idea? She's a woman, after all, and none of us can resist a pair of purple shoes. Nope, Debs is out too. Oh well.

In the 'people who weren't worthy of being featured in full' snippet, a couple of guys come in with roadkill soft toys - basically squashed rabbits and hedgehogs in zippable body bags. The dragons don't think it's very funny, and does not promote animal welfare. Giant sense of humour failure, if you ask me. Is it wrong that I want one?

21:17: Next up is Ming Yun, who has some glow in the dark disposal champagne glasses called Light Emotions which, to my un-entrepreneurial eye, appear to be entirely pointless. He wants £40k.

Duncan asks Ming about his background, and doesn't like the fact that he has other business interests in China. Theo has issues with the fact that they have batteries, and will cause big disposal issues. Who knew Theo was an eco-warrior?

Deborah gives him her withering death-stare, and tells him his product is, like, sooo five years ago. I have visions of Debs knocking back lit-up vodka shots down her local Wetherspoons.

Peter, however, thinks it's a good idea (and clearly doesn't give a shit about the environment), and makes Ming an offer of £40k for 30% of his business. Ming wanted to give away 8%. James Caan matches Peter's offer, Ming ask them to join forces for 25%, but James isn't having any of it.

It is a big decision for Ming, but he goes for Peter Jones. Peter's really splashing the cash this series, isn't he? Deborah hasn't even got her purse out of her bag.

21:33: Some woman wanders in with a man in monkey suit, looking for money for an adventure centre in the US. Clearly she does not get it. Who let her on?

Then a guy with a Barbeskew, which is a self-rotating skewer gadget for a barbecue. But it can't be patented, so anyone could copy it. Bye.

Next up is Peter Hopton from Very PC, who make energy-efficient computers. He wants an outrageous £250k for 5% of his business. Which, if I'm not very much mistaken, values his business at £5m. This should be a laugh.

All I will say that if his idea is as rubbish as his beard, he's going to be back down those stars before you can say "WEEE Directive".

Peter Jones knows everything there is to know about computers (he has a Saturday job at PC World), and they start having a big fight about whether his computers are actually green. None of the other Dragons know anything about computers, but they are very keen to nod frantically at Peter Jones' wisdom. Our computer friend here is about to get thoroughly roasted on a Barbeskew. All the Dragons are out, and Peter Hopton slopes off down the stairs like a beaten man. With a crap beard.

Next up, novelty biscuits called Kooky Cookies. It is not a business, and they shouldn't give up their day jobs, they are told. Oops, they already have. Bummer.

21:47: Michael Cotton has a gadget with the catchy name of 'Misfuelling Prevention Device'. It's a device to prevent misfuelling, by all accounts, specifically sticking petrol in your diesel car. He wants £250k.

Now I have a petrol car, but my oft-borrowed boss's car is diesel. Inside the fuel flap is a giant in-your-face sticker saying 'DIESEL', which only a giant fuckwit would fail to notice. Are further anti-fuckwittage precautions required, or am I massively underestimating the British public's ability to tell black from green when they're high as a kite on forecourt fumes?

Apparently so, because Michael says that 150,000 people a year put diesel in their petrol car. REALLY? I declare that there is no hope for the human race. Oh, my other half tells me that it's actually 150,000 occasions rather than people, which suggests some people do it more than once. Hahaha.

Well, he's clearly got something because they all look quite impressed. Bloody hell, Deborah Meaden has made an offer!!!! The full £250k, for 35%. Deborah NEVER makes an offer!

James Caan has offered half the cash for 15%, but Michael has revealed that he has no authority from his directors to go above 25%. Deborah looks miffed, but falls into line with half the cash for 12.5%.

Theo offers all the money for 25%, or will share with Deborah if Michael prefers. I am getting very confused.

James revises his offer to 25% for all the money, but adds in some random clause to get his money back as soon as the business makes a profit, which seems faintly ridiculous.

Personally I'd go for Theo and Debs for 12.5% each. Which he does, hurrah! That's Deborah clipping Aldi coupons for a while.

And that's it for this week, people. Thank you for joining what was, I thought, a better show than last week. And if anyone knows where I might be able to purchase a soft toy that looks like a dead badger with its guts hanging out, I'd be delighted to hear about it.

Carrie's here next week, I think - we're doing a foreign exchange and I'm off to BB.

Have a good night! Hx.

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