Forum Posts Following Followers
18201 165 272

Egonga Blog

A totally serious blog of total seriousness (seriously!)

by on

What do you call a man who gives you gifts in exchange for the safe return of his elfs?

A subordinate Claus.


A Pokemon walks into a bar...

It's super effective!


What do you call a cod cowboy?

Fish in chaps.

Okay, now that's out of the way, let's get to the serious meat of this serious blog; sexuality, religion, economy, politics, free speech, Shuma Gorath in "Marvel Super Heroes" instead of Deadpool and, of course, existential views on mortality.

All of these discussion are super lame. Instead, in your comments, tell me your favourite pizza toppings.

Also, I'm on Twitter now.


You know you want to.


I now believe in the Tetris god

by on

Sometimes, if you are pure of heart and seek to embetter mankind, the Tetris god will give you l shapes abound.

If you are wicked in your ways, and seek not to aid your fellow man, the Tetris god will rain useless square blocks down upon your head when what you really need is an inversedZ.

Yet regardless of how you live your life, it eventually slots into his master plan.

The Bust-a-move god is just a maniac, though.

An idea for a new Oscar catagory

by on

It's called the "Charity Oscar". It has nothing to do with giving donations to the underprivileged or any of that nonsense that Hollywood pretends to care about. No no, the Charity Oscar is given to an actor or actress who has no chance of winning a genuine Oscar but has had a huge impact upon mainstream media.

We all love William Shatner. The Star Trek TV series is legendary amongst geek-kind, and is the foremost science fiction television program in the world. Yet the lead actor will never win an Oscar.

What about Harrison Ford? With his roguish grin, Ford has entered our hearts and minds as the charismatic Han Solo and as Indiana Jones. Tommy Lee didn't care that he didn't do it.Where is his Oscar, however?

The Charity Oscar will give these actors their chance to shine. However, there is one caveat to this award - they're not allowed to deliver a speech. Instead, every winner of the Oscar has to say simply: "I don't need your goddamned charity." and walk off the stage. They can play it serious, they can say it while laughing, it doesn't matter; they have to say it, however, and leave without another word.

Let me know what you think and we can start an Internet petition. And don't just tell me it's a good idea if you think it's not. After all, I don't need your goddamned charity.


Nanowrimo in November

by on

Nanowrimo - or National Novel Writing Month - is gripping me at the moment. The idea is to write 50,000 words in a single month. It started on Tuesday (1/1/11) and so far I have written an astonishing 7,929 words.

I've let myself down this weekend, however. I expected 2,300 words on both days, but I managed only 937 on Sat and 1585 today. This was just laziness on my part - on both days the allure of a PS3 was just too much for me. Still, I'm not terribly far behind. AND I have a day off on the 14th, so I'm going to try catch up then.

See you all in a month (unless my brain has 'sploded)


Emploring the gods does nothing, it seems

by on

For weeks now I've been beseeching the deities of heaven (I'm not picky which ones) to bequeth unto me a 32 inch 3D-ready TV, and you know what all that praying and meditation has gotten me? Diddly-squat! All I have is inner peace and a lousy 32-inch non-3D TV. How are the Spy Kids supposed to jump out at me now?

I'm writing a letter of complaint to Father O'Hanagan.

Jacques Van Staden is a maniac

by on

Seriously, the guy stuffs bananas into chickens! :o

Hello six people who read my blog! ^_^

I haven't posted for a month now. This is partly due to my 2011 holiday. It's partly due to my brand new 32gpx Caanoo handheld. It's mostly due to laziness, however.

So yes, holiday! I went on a cruise of the Med with my family. The ship was Celebrity Eclipse, and it was... okay. We've travelled with Royal Carribean in the past, which we're told is the best company to cruise with, so Celebrity was a bit of a step down. It was still enjoyable, of course, just not as much as it could have been.

This was mostly due to my new nemesis, Jacques Van Staden! *thunderstrike*

Seriously, the guy is a nutjob. He was the head chef on our ship, and I swear he was playing headgames with some of the guests. A banana-stuffed chicken breast is about as disgusting as it sounds, the spicy tomato and watermelon gazpacho was just confusing, and why, God, why did he put a layer of molten-hot cheese onto his onion soup? Have you ever tried to eat stretchy, melted cheese with a spoon? It's especially demoralising once you realise your only reward for doing this is onions in water.

The cruise took in Florence and Rome, so I'm going to sign off with some real life Assassin's Creed locations. Enjoy!


Duomo Cathedral

It's difficult to tell from this angle, but this is the tallest buildingin Assassin Creed 2'sFlorence. It's a huge church that was home to one of the Assassin's Tombs (where you had to travel across scaffolding in a renevated church interior) and ended with you standing atop the massive dome atop the church. The tower on the right IS seperate from the main building, and in-game acts as one of the viewpoints. The dome is also very impressive - just as big as the game says it is. Unfortunately I never made it inside as the queue was massive.

The only problem was that Leonardo's workshop should have been just opposite the main entrance, just through an archway, but in real life there was no archway, and a series of shops / cafes stood where the Workshop should have been.

Sante Croce Church

This church isn't featured much in AC2. There's a glyph on the left hand side, just behind the facade.

Clocktower of Palazzo Vecchio

In-game, Ezio's father was imprisoned here, and you also began the assassination of Francesco De Pazzi by leaping after from from atop the crellanations.

In real life the square outside the tower is a lot more compact, with a collection of statues just to the right of where this picture was taken dominating most people's attention. One of the statues, of Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head, was a warning from the Medici family to the Pazzi after one of their plots failed. I think. Sorry, the tour guide didn't speak very good English ^_^;

You can actually go inside the tower for free. The building inside is very impressive- it's got all sorts of murals and paintings on the wall, and there is a lot of gold.

Ponte Vecchio Bridge

This is where Assassin's Creed 2 begins proper. Ezio and his friends get into a fist-fight with some Pazzi thugs upon this bridge. Although they win, Ezio receives a cut on his lip and has to go find a doctor.

It seems that I was the only person taking an interest in the bridge itself, however. The views from either side were breathtaking, with a crystal clear river down the middle and a stunning array of architecture on either side. You can see some shops on the right hand side, just underneath the flags. These shops run on either side of the bridge, and all of them are gold shops. Expensive ones, too. A plain-looking watch was in one of their windows for 500 euros! Crivens...

The Pantheon (Rome)

In-game, the Pantheon doesn't feature much. You can buy and rennovate it, and I think there's a collectable there somewhere - a flag or a feather. I can't recall. Anyway, one mission that does take place here sees you climbing in through the open roof, taking out a guard and stealing his clothing. Then you have to carry a box full of money to their hideout while the guards give you clues ("Where is he going?" "We're on the right track now."). Very frustrating mission, that.

In real life it doesn't look impressive on the outside, but inside it's spectacular. The sunlight shines through the hole in the top and moves along the wall like a big disc, acting as a clock. In-game the roof has an almost waffle-like shape full of tiny squares, and it's true to real life.

Castel Santangelo

A mere stone's throw away from the Vatican district, the Castel acted as the Borgia's stronghold. In AC2 you were required to enter this citadel during your penetration of the Vatican, while in Brotherhood it played a more significant role. You had to break Caterina Sforza out of the fortress while she struggled with a foot injury, and you also got to see Cesareand Rodrigo Borgiathrough one of the Castel's windows.

In real life we didn't stop long - the heat was in the high 90's, and we had to be at the Vatican by a certain time so our tour guide was brief.

I tried to upload some pictures of the Vatican itself, but for some reason my computer hates my camera - it took me several tries just to upload what I have here.

Happy Birthday to me!

by on

A Sonic The Hedgehog cake

My mum's been taking a cake decoratingcourse and made this for me.

Yes, it was my 26th birthday yesterday! I'd have posted this blog then, but I had Fable 3 to occupy me ^_^


I am now bankrupt!

by on

Apparantly investing my home loan in waffles was a poor investment, according to my financial advisor. They weren't the exact words he used - if I re-printed those, I'd probably get banned :(

So, to lighten my mood I've written a script! I was tasked by my writing group to write something about a character who secretly wants to leave the IRA, and I came up with this. Enjoy!


Alan Kerry-Dea ByEgonga

The scene opens on a typical pub scene. Rough wooden tables, cigarette smoke in the air, a general murmur of conversation punctuated by the occasional rough laugh. A man in his fifties, Derek, is drinking a pint of bitter on his own when a younger man in his twenties, Seamus, approaches and sits next to him.

Derek: Alright Seamus my boy. Can I buy you a drink?

Seamus: Ah no, I'm fine t'anks. Listen, Derek, can we have a word about… you know. The organisation.

Derek: Oh aye, no problem there my boy. [To the bartender] Mick! We're going 'round back for a bit.

The two get up from their chairs and head behind the bar. There's a door leading to the back which they enter. The room beyond is bare; apart from a few steel casks of ale stacked in one corner, there is nothing there. The walls are bare brick. Derek and Seamus sit together on a pair of casks.

Derek: What's bothering you my boy? Apart from the fecking English of course [he spits on the floor].

Seamus: Well, I've heard on the Internet dat dere's another group workin' against the English [he spits on the floor] called the Al Kerry-Dea.

Derek: Really? I've never heard of the fella. Where's he based?

Seamus: Dunno. The Internet just said 'Middle East', so I reckon maybe Donaghadee?

Derek: Aye. If he were in Belfast, we'd know about it. What of him?

Seamus: Well, it's just… he's offering rewards fer people who join him. I thought he might start stealin' some of the IRA's recruits, so maybe we should offer something.

Derek: Oh aye? What's he offering?

Seamus: [Whispers] Twenty nubile virgins.

Derek: Oh aye? And what would you be wantin' with them, then?

Seamus: Well, you know… dirty stuff.

Derek: Jesus Seamus, don't be soft lad! Girls don't go around being virgins by having sex, you know. They'd probably make you marry 'em first, and then what have you got? Twenty wives? Ah no, don't be a fool my boy.

Seamus: Ah, but they might be desperate for it.

Derek: Well of course they will be, my boy! Have you ever see a virgin? You know Billy's girl, Catherine? She's a virgin. Would you want twenty of her?

Seamus: Jesus, no! My car'd never handle it!

Derek: See? Now trust me, my boy, when I say this Alan Kerry-Dea will soon be joinin' us with his tail between his legs, and no mistake. Now come on, let's get you a drink.