I finally told him about my trips

Avatar for eilonwy_2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
I finally told him about my trips
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:35pm
that I'll be taking this year. The first is to a week-long conference over Memorial Day week, and the second is my week in London for the other grad course I'm taking.

His response(s):

When's my vacation?

So where are you going for Labor Day?

You don't care.

You're cold, indifferent & sometimes nasty.

Remember how you felt years ago when I had to go on business trips, and before we knew what was wrong? (referring to my depression). Well, that's how I feel.

He also told me that I'm not capable of being this cold or indifferent without the influence of someone or something else.

Were you expecting me to be excited for something I'm not a part of?... What did you expect my response to be? (so I told him... the exact response I got... to which he replied, oh, I'm glad a proved you right).

He also mentioned that I know how hard of time he's been having... with work, and now his grandfather will probably pass away in the next couple of weeks... oh yeah... and the hard time at home. He hasn't said anything about what he's been thinking or feeling (gee... I've heard this before)... now I'm waiting for it to happen.

When I didn't respond, he asked if I was going to say anything. I told him I didn't even know what to say.

He's waiting for the next bomb to drop (that I'm having an affair, or leaving... )

And... he finally said there's nothing wrong with going away for my class or on business...

I actually jotted down notes of what he said this time!!!! I'm glad I did. I was kind of shocked to hear him be so nasty, although I don't know why. I got the response I expected.

He called me back a little bit later in a better mood and was actually chatty. What's the deal?... is it because I didn't back down?


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:05pm
Well, first of all, congratulations on that London trip....Whooo Hooo!!! I wanna come with you!

I'm sure you threw him completely off guard when you didn't back down or fall prey to his big whining routine. As far as him feeling now like you did back then, well....what was HIS response to YOUR feelings back then, did he even care? Why would he think you should have a different response to him than he had to you all that time? They can sure put it out there, but they can never take it when it's handed back it them.;)


Avatar for eilonwy_2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 1:18pm
Thanks, Jeep! By the way... I just handed in my registration for my final 6 credits!!! Hey, anyone in the area can come see me "walk" next May!

When I finally went to the doctor to seek help for my depression, it was because h told me that he's sick of my not doing anything but cry all the time, and that I'd better go get help... he'd pay for whatever it would take. Of course... he later didn't like my going to therapy or being on meds.

I had written a long response on Saturday, but lost my internet connection... and lost the message. Oh well.

His Amex bill came in on Friday, so I gave to to him to pay out of his money (the bonus he deposited into his own account at Christmas)... his response?... "how am I supposed to pay for this?" When I told him, his next response that the money he has in his account is there in case I decide to move out again... and then he tells me that it's emergency money for the house. I think his first answer was the real one... huh?

Avatar for cl_mizlizzy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 12:44pm
Wow! Congratulations Eilonwy!! I would "love" to see you "walk" down the aisle to accept your newest degree, but if nothing else, I will be there in spirit with you.

I'm so glad you're still planning to go on your trips, and am also happy to hear that you went to see your doctor about the depression--for your sake. His comments are just ludicrous, and here, again, he is acting as if your depression is a problem with you, rather than accepting and acknowledging his role and contributions toward that depression.

His response to you handing him the AMEX bill isn't surprising. He is being just as manipulative as always, and it's funny that he "thinks" he can hoard that money away from you "in case you leave again". Well, don't tell him this, LOL, but you are legally entitled to at least half of that money, no matter how hard he tries to keep it away from you. Yes, his first response was the "real" one, in his mind, anyway.

I wish you all the best as you continue to work toward your goals. I hope everything goes well with these last 6 hours of classes, and hope you have a BLAST on your trips!!