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My parents refuse to accept that our five-year-old son has cerebral palsy and sometimes needs extra help
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My five-year-old son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy a year ago, and while my husband and I have begun to come to terms with it, and are doing all we can to support him, my parents are far from helpful.

They refuse to accept that anything is wrong and do not see his social and communication difficulties as a disability. They will not use or display the disabled badge when they are looking after him, nor will they allow him to use the special equipment we have provided.

He is not suffering physically from their refusal to help him, but I feel they are all missing out because there is no effort made to interact with their grandson in a way that suits him. This is distressing enough for us but I fear the effect it is having on our son. Surely, if he has been diagnosed and there are things we can all do to help, we should do that – not impede his progress by ignoring the situation?

We have tried to speak to my parents several times, but the response is usually "he'll grow out of it", "stop putting a negative label on him" or "he is just a bit slower than other children".

It is very upsetting to hear these things but they just do not want to accept that there is something wrong and we need to adapt our behaviour to help him. What can we do to make them see that cerebral palsy is something we all now have to live with and that changes are needed?

We just want them to understand that this diagnosis is a positive thing as it ensures our son can be properly cared for. It just feels like they don't believe or trust us and aren't willing to do what is best for our boy. L, Reading

It feels like that, but give your parents time; I don't think that's what's going on. Your son was diagnosed only a year ago and it sounds as if your parents haven't fully accepted who your son is. Yet.

I don't know how old your parents are but having spoken to someone who deals daily with people with cerebral palsy, of all ages, and their families, I can tell you that their attitude is not uncommon. They are in denial.

Your parents may come from a generation where any form of disability was regarded only in terms of what a person can't do, and not being able to go to mainstream schools. You know it's not like this and now we (thankfully) talk openly about what can be achieved. You know that your son can lead a successful, fulfilled life. But at the moment it sounds as if your parents are terrified of the diagnosis and think that if they ignore it, it will go away.

You don't say what sort of cerebral palsy your son has (there are three main types) or how severe it is. It affects everyone differently. But your mention of special equipment does make me wonder what it is they are not letting him use.

My concern is that, as you know, postural care is very important to a child with cerebral palsy and if your son has something to help him sit or walk, they really do need to let him use these.

Have you contacted Scope (, helpline: 0808 800 3333, It provides an excellent parent information pack, which you can download from here:, or ask for it by post.

I suggest taking small steps with your parents. So try not to see it as a reflection on what they think of you but as their own ignorance and fear. Giving them the information pack may be a start. Also, could you arrange for them to meet one of the health professionals you deal with so they can talk to a third party about it?

Another tip: you shouldn't have to do this, but given the situation you could always try changing your language. Instead of saying (for example) things such as "use the disabled badge" try "this badge will help you park nearer the shop. Take it with you and see if you need it."

Instead of referring to the equipment as special, try: "This chair helps him to eat more comfortably." If they can understand that certain things aren't about disability, but about making your son – their grandson – more comfortable and more effective in his interactions it may help.

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Follow Annalisa on Twitter @AnnalisaB

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