Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


33 Johnstown, PA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 3:51am
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Strictly other
Christianity, and laughing about it
Graduated from university
Politics / Government
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and dislikes cats
English (Fluently), Esperanto (Okay), Spanish (Okay), Latin (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The Top 20 Reasons Why You Should Date R2-D2:

20. Most of the uninspired losers you have been dating would only come up with ten reasons. The Artster always gives 200%.
19. He never puts knives in the sink.
18. If you do, there's an 86.4% chance he can finally leap.
17. He's at least as real as Nessie, and almost as awesome.
16. He shot neither the sheriff nor the deputy. In fact, he has no criminal record at all! If you're in any geographical proximity to where he lives, and selecting your dating pool from the local inhabitants, that alone makes him the best you could ever hope for.
15. He respects you enough not to resort to dirty tricks like subliminal have sex with R2-D2 messages to make you fall in love with him.
14. He has both Polish and Irish ancestry--the joke potential alone ought to make it worth your time.
13. He always washes his hands after using the restroom.
12. He has never gotten involved in a land war in Asia.
11. He survived Jarts.
10. He never puts Baby in a corner.
9. Although he doesn't speak very much German, he can at least pretend to sound intelligent (or at least pretentious) by using words like Zeitgeist, Schadenfreude, Weltschmerz,and Gunter glieben glauchen globen.
8. He will never again wish to live in a world without springs.
7. He owns five tuxedos, so last-minute formal affairs are never a problem. You could take him to the opera or Dairy Queen. Or just elope tonight, if you already have your wedding gown.
6. He's more or less perfectly bilaterally symmetrical.
5. He never puts salt in his eyes.
4. He actually can believe it isn't butter.
3. He could ski the K-12.
2. He isn't good-looking enough to run off with another woman. (He is good-looking enough to run off with another man, but gives you his word that he won't, unless Alton Brown asks him to run away together, and he's happily married, so what are the odds of that?)
And the Number 1 Reason You Should Date R2-D2:
1. C'mon, what's the worst that can happen? You get free dinner (and maybe a show of some kind) in exchange for enduring his company for two or three short hours? That can't really be that bad, can it?

OkCupid, now in Esperanto!

La 20-Listaj Kialoj Vi Devas Renkonti Romantike kun Arĉjo:

20. Aliaj viroj listus nur dek kialojn. Arĉjo ĉiam faras 200%.
19. Li neniam metas tranĉilojn en la lavujon.
18. Je ŝanĉon 84.6% ke se vi renktontus kun li, ke fine li eblus salti.
17. Li estas almenaŭ tiel reala kiel L'Akvobesto Loĥ-Nesa, kaj preskaŭ tiel superfantazia.
16. Li ne pafis nek la ŝerifon nek la la deputato, nek faris ion ke rezultus kun krimregistro.
15. Li manĝus sole la Bonŝancajn Ĉarmojn grenajn kaj lasus al vi la dolĉaĵojn (ankaŭ, li sole dezirus la nigrajn gelatenaĵfabojn).
14. Vi ambaŭ estas heredie Pola kaj Irlanda, kiel la okazoj de ŝercoj estus senlimaj!
13. Li ĉiam lavas lian manojn post usi la banejon.
12. Neniam li estis interesanta en landmiliton Azian.
11. Li postvivis gazonsagetojn.
10. Li neniam metas Bebe en angulon.
9. Ne vere parolas li Germanlingvon, sed li eblas preteksti inteligente per diri vortojn kiel Zeitgeist, Schadenfreude, Weltschmerz, Doppelganger, kaj Gunter glieben glauchen globen.
8. Neniam denove deziros vi vivi en mondo sen bobenoj.
7. Li posedas tri frakojn tukzedajn, do aferoj finminutaj ceremoniaj neniam estos problemaj. Vi eblus eliros al la opero aŭ Dairy Queen. Aŭ simple eledziĝi ĉi tiu nokte, se havas vi edzorobon.
6. Pli-aŭ-malpli, li perfekte estas simetria ambflanke.
5. Li neniam metas salon en liajn okulojn.
4. Li eblas kredi ke ĝi ne estas butero.
3. Li eblus skikuro la Ko-12on.
2. Li ne estas virbela sufiĉe por eliri kun virino alia. (Li estas virbela sufiĉe por eliri kun viro alia, sed li promesas solene ke ne eliros, krom se Alton Brown lin petus, kaj kiom verŝajna tiu estus?)
Kaj, la Kialo Plej Bona kiel Vi Devas Renkonti Romantike kun Arĉjo:
1. Bonvolu, kio estas la plej malbonaĵo ke fariĝus? Vi havigi senpagan manĝon--kaj verŝajne ian spektaklon--simple por toleri lian kunularon por tri horoj kurtaj? Tiu ne eblas esti tiom malbona, ĉu ne?
What I’m doing with my life
"Well, it's kind of tough in this town, you know? Because this particular town happens to be dry. Why? Because all the smart, pretty girls, you know, move away from crappy, two-bit towns like this, right? And go on and live their great lives. And have great success. While people like me, who have some integrity and loyalty stick with this town, fighting a good fight. In a way, I am a hero. I'm like a sexless John Glenn."

Mostly standing outside in the rain waiting to be struck by lightning in the hopes that it results in super powers, thereby making it easier to fight crime by night. And while that sounds fun and all, I really don't want to have to deal with city hall politics to get paid.

When it's not raining, I'm probably working on the team that translates Facebook into Esperanto, because my natural talent set really is that specialised and useful. Serioze.

Pleje mi nur staras sub la pluvo ĝisatendanta fulmbaton, je l'espero de la superfortiĝoj do mi eblus batali kontraŭ la krimon dum nokte.
I’m really good at
"Well, let me put it this way: no matter how big a splash you make in this world, whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muñiz, Justin Bieber, or a talking teddy bear, eventually nobody gives a $#!%."

* Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, parallel parking, singing off-key, and telling apart twins (oddly enough, I still can't tell Bill Paxton from Bill Pullman).

* Brewing beer. Not that flavourless filtered-p!$$ that commercials that air during professional sporting events would have you believe passes for "beer", but that delicious, opaque, liquid delight.

* Words With Friends trash-talking. (Just ask Sabuwolf.)

* Looking totally awesome in a paisley bow tie-accented tuxedo (and knowing the proper time during the evening to untie it, thus signifying my cool, relaxed demeanour while also reminding everyone else that their own clip-on ties are nothing less than symbols of their own painful inadequacy as men).

* Allergy-free cooking. But none of that gluten-free %#£*, that's just meshuggah. But if you're nice, I just might put copious quantities of red meat, salt, and carbs in you.

* If you buy one of those furniture kits that says "Assembly Required", or if you have electronic equipment that needs installed, I'm the guy to call. Because if women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

* I used to do some acting (community theatre, mainly comedic), which people seemed to think I was okay at, or maybe they just liked seeing me in drag. Later on, I was in an improv troupe, which has since disbanded, but also got some laughs.

Estado pli superfantazia ol vi!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"Well I ain't evil, I'm just good-lookin'."

They don't. Why don't you be the first? You could be like the female equivalent of the quarterback in all those 80s' teen comedies who takes off my glasses and lets my hair down, thus revealing my true hotness to the world for the first time and making me fall in love with you for being able to see my inner beauty first. And, I promise I won't even mention how we're just another in a long line of Pygmalion ripoffs. But you do at least have to put that much effort into it; the Weird Science method of just viewing this profile during a thunderstorm with a bra on your head hoping to create your own personal version of me to be your magic love-slave doesn't work (trust me, you wouldn't be the first to try).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
"Why read words when you can just kill the stuff the words tell you about?"

Douglas Adams - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; Max Barry - Jennifer Government; Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass; Herge - Tintin; John Hodgman - the Knowledge trilogy; Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - The Little Prince; John Stossel - Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Why Everything You Know Is Wrong; Henry David Thoreau - On Civil Disobedience; and Burma-Shave signs.

"EVERYONE liked Bubba Ho-tep!"

Adaptation, Airplane!, Amadeus, American Beauty, Annie Hall, Arthur, Back to the Future, Better Off Dead, Black Dynamite, Blazing Saddles, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Breakfast Club, Clerks, Fargo, Fight Club, Footloose, The Forty Year-Old Virgin, The Godfather, The Graduate, Gremlins, Groundhog Day, Highlander, The Hudsucker Proxy, Indiana Jones, The Informant!, The Jerk, Kick-Ass, Little Miss Sunshine, The Magic Flute, Marty, Mean Girls, The Naked Gun, National Treasure, Ninja Wars, O Brother Where Art Thou?, OSS 117, Office Space, Point Break, Primer, The Princess Bride, The Producers, Red vs. Blue, Road House, Rubber, Sita Sings the Blues, Sixteen Candles, Slap Shot, Sleepwalk With Me, Spanglish, Stand By Me, Star Wars, This Is Spın̈al Tap, True Stories, The Twelve Chairs, Victory, Waiting for Guffman, Young Frankenstein, and anything by the Jam Handy corporation (A Case of Spring Fever, Hired!, etc.); but I'll probably watch anything if it's shown in a 1930s' art deco movie theatre.

"But you know, I'm really wired. What do you say I ... take you home and watch I Love Lucy?"

Archer, Mr. Bean, A Bit of Fry & Laurie, Black Books, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Burn Notice, Cheers, Coupling, Cutthroat Kitchen, Doctor Who, Fawlty Towers, Freaks & Geeks, Futurama, Get Smart, Good Eats, Greg the Bunny, Highlander, Benny Hill, The Pete Holmes Show, How I Met Your Mother, The Independents, Iron Chef, The IT Crowd, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Jeopardy!, The Kids in the Hall, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Leverage, Married ... With Children, Molly B Polka Party, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Muppet Show, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, Newsradio, Parks & Recreation, Peep Show, Rocko's Modern Life, Rocky & Bullwinkle, The Simpsons, Mr. Show, Snuff Box, Soap, The Soup, Star Trek TOS/DS9/ENT, That Mitchell and Webb Look, Unhappily Ever After, The Whitest Kids U' Know, Yes, Dear.

"YOU stay, we need talk about Hall & Oates."

Victor Borge, Carbon Leaf, Catatonia, Childish Gambino, Elvis Costello, the Electric Light Orchestra, Vic Fontaine, Donnie Iris & the Cruisers, Annette Hanshaw, Tommy James & the Shondells, Jethro Tull, Rodd Keith, Led Zeppelin, Limozeen, John Cougar Mellencamp, Persone, Pink Floyd, Queen, The Rolling Stones, Spın̈al Tap, Steely Dan, Rush, the Talking Heads, They Might Be Giants, Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, Diamond Dave's Van Halen, The Who, Warren Zevon.

Whenever I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, the surest thing to cheer me up is the Muppet Show episode with Alice Cooper.

"Life, my friend, is in the details! I like almonds: not cashews, almonds! Shelled, roasted, unsalted, and fed to me by women -- tall, beautiful women with long, black hair!"

Bombay Sapphire, cheeseburgers from Sheetz and Five Guys, Cheez-Its, Chick-fil-a sandwiches, garlic bread (with or without the bread), Guinness, lamb, pierogi, pistachios, steak done Pittsburgh-rare, tea, and any of the above (or anything not of the above) wrapped in bacon.


Librojn: Mi volis listumi Arnaŭon, sed mi penas gisi impreson bonan, aŭ almenaŭ impreson malficerbalienulan. Do, diru ni nur, ho, ĉŭ Douglas Adams?

Kinofilmojn: La Inkubo, klare! Kiu malŝatas Ŝatneron? Lia nomo estas radiko etimologia de la vorto ŝati!

Muzikon: Persone
The six things I could never do without
"It's none of your business 'how much time I spend with Bully'!"

A paper clip, a rubber band, a roll of duct tape, kosher salt, a ballpoint pen, and a Zippo lighter. I'm just like Angus MacGyver, only with better hair.

Papertondilon, kaŭĉukbandon, duktbendon, koŝersalon, globskribilon, kaj ekbrililon "Zippo". Mi ekzakte estas kiel MacGyver, sed mi havas plej belan hararon.
I spend a lot of time thinking about

Just how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich -- and how to get the Supreme Court to rule that tarring and feathering of Designated Hitters is not Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

Ili ne pagas min por pensado.
On a typical Friday night I am

Fifty-one Fridays out of the year I'm earnestly wishing it were Shark Week. The other one I'm wishing it were fifty-one weeks later because Shark Week just ended.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"I guess I like board games more than most people. And by that I mean, I like to play board games more than most people do. But by that I also mean I like board games more than I like most people. Like this one time, me and Hi-Ho-Cherry-o were playing The Game of Life, and I got a phone call from ... somebody, and I-- I didn't answer it because I was having so much fun with-- playing this board game with this other board game."

I've seen every episode of Gilmore Girls -- and enjoyed most of them. I still swear I'm heterosexual, though.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
"Single girls who say 'Where are the good men?', also walk into empty rooms and spend 10 mins deciding where they should sit."

1. If you think ZIggy's gotten too preachy, too.

2. Also, if you don't own any cats, or do but are at least able to envision a life without them. Not because I'm trying to disqualify the only woman still reading at this point, but because I'm severely allergic to them, and in the long run, I'd prefer to meet someone with whom I can go to sleep in the same house -- maybe even the same bed -- and then wake up later. That's the dream.
Or you can just end up a spinster crazy cat lady, I'm not going to begrudge you that. But, long story short, if I see on your profile "Owns cats", the onus is on you to write me first.

3. If you're a freckled redhead cellist who wears Lisa Loeb glasses and skirts/dresses that aren't camo, who knows how to be photographed without the aid of a bathroom mirror and doesn't upload the same bathroom-mirror photo two or more times to her OkCupid account -- and, most importantly, who understands why the American League is not real baseball.
(But especially the cellist part.)

"What country are you from?! ... English, m@%#$*f@$#er! Do you speak it?"

4. And, finally, send me a message if I will be able to read it. I do judge people based on their command of their English language, unless they were born in a country that primarily uses a different one (and America doesn't count for these purposes -- yet). If you don't know the difference between "than" and "then", "you're" and "your" (and that "Ur" was a five thousand year-old city in Sumeria), or "lol" and a comma, I will definitely take your advice and "except you for who you are." Or if I do respond, it will just be to make fun of you, but in a way that just goes right over your head, so as not to make you feel too stupid (which you won't understand anyhow, because you like totally went to collage). And if the abbreviation "ect" appears anywhere in your profile or message, you'd damned well better be a Ghostbuster.

So what are you waiting for? I've got the brains, you've got the looks. Let's make lots of money!

Vi ne devas, tiel vi ne estas sufiĉe superfantazia. Sed, se vi eblas pruvi min esti malkorekta (tamen malverŝajne tio estus), nu bonvolu, mi ŝatus ke vi provus. Kaj se vi eblas skribi esperante al mi, vi aŭtomatike estas superfantazia en mia libro ...

Add a photo to:

Stay fresh with Instagram

Are you sure you want to delete this album?

Where's your photo?

Drop it like it’s hot

Photos must be at least 400 x 400px
Edit thumbnail
Add a caption

You look fantastic!