Need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Need to vent
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 12:02am
Hi all

I am new to this forum after discovering it yesterday and spending the night reading about 2 months worth of postings.

I am sorry to ramble on and it's ok if no one reads this, but I feel awful as no one in the world knows about this.

I have a dreadful secret that no one knows. I have a $4500 cc debt which I have accumulated since last 2 years back. Neither my mum nor my bf knows about it.

I earn about 33K annually, which is about 2.7K monthly. I am staying in a tiny flat with my mum for which I am paying abt $600 in mortage payments. Besides this, I give $1K to my mum for food, bills etc. Another $300 goes to forced savings and insurance. I take the public transport which is about $150, and lunch and misc bills cost me about $200 per month.

I spend about $300 paying for outings with my bf over the weekends (he's a student), so I make payments of about $200 monthly to the bank, plus I dump all my bonus into the debt. I have cut up my card, but at this rate, I can clear everything in about at least 6 - 12 mths, which is making me depressed.

My best friends are already buying bigger flats and buying cars, but I am stuck in a tiny 700 sqf place and making a 75min commute by public transport daily to work.

I have fits of depression and anger outbursts at my boyfriend for being penniless, etc etc. I feel sick and angry of myself and am afraid I will go mad one day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 12:58am
First off let me give you a ((((HUG)))). You are not alone as I sure you have know by now spending all that time reading our posts. Just think in 6 mos to a year you will be debt free (not including your mortgage). There are ways to make it happen faster. Look at ways you could cut expenses. Do you have cable, cell phones, telephone features like call display/waiting? Sounds like you are buying lunches at work. How about brown bagging it even some of the time? Are their ways to spend time with your bf without it having to cost as much? I know it seems like a long ways away but it took you 2 years to get where you are and you won't get out of it overnight. Just hang in there and keep dropping by. There are lots of ideas and tips here. You may also want to check out the other money boards for ideas. You have nothing to feel ashamed of and you may find you'll feel better if you do tell your bf and mum your situation. A lot of posters here have been in the same boat (not telling others) and have felt so much better when they did sit and talk. Of course that decision is entirely yours. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 3:29am
Hi there,

I can totally relate to your situation. I had a time like that a few years back, where credit card debt was close to $6000, it doesn't help to keep it to yourself. If you love your mom and your boyfriend and you feel comfortable telling them, do it. I found that by telling them I was able to cut down spending (like those weekend trips?) and they would understand. I just graduated from University and was set to start making all that great money they talk about... well I'm still waiting (and I have a business degree that's supposed to "guarantee" a higher income). I see people all around me that are buying homes and taking trips. At the rate of my current payments, I'll be paying my student loans off until I'm 40! And I'm serious!! It starts to play with your sanity.. "who would want to marry someone like me...", "I'll never be able to get enough money to put a down payment on a house"... etc.

Well you just have to commit yourself to doing it. Face the facts, you got yourself into it now it's up to you to get yourself out of it. At least you're saving... I haven't even got that far yet. I lost a job back in November and it was just about the end of me. But fortunately my family knew I was struggling before hand so they helped me through it. Hang in there... if it means no luxuries for a few months... DO IT! It's amazing what you learn to live without when you don't have any money for things anymore. You'll get through this and you'll only be stronger because of it.

Good luck,


PS when the cc is paid off, try to resist the urge to get another one to replace the one you cut up... learn from this experience and try not to let it happen again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 9:28am
Hi sweetie!

The previous posters gave you good advice. I just had a few little things I wanted to tell you. dear, you do not have a dreadful secret. To paraphrase Jerrold Mundis, you just owe some people some money. More than some, less than others - you are not your debt. The fact that you can clear your debt in six months to a year is FABULOUS, and you should be proud of yourself for making a plan to do so. If I can get my credit card paid off in six months, I will be thrilled. I think it will take me longer.

About comparing yourself to those friends who are getting bigger flats and nicer cars...ever notice how we only compare ourselves to those who we think are doing BETTER than us, not those who are worse off? Besides, even if they have enviable cars and apartments and clothes and whatever else, you don't know how they're financing them. It could be that they carry enormous debt, and that the wakeup you've just had is still ahead for them and getting uglier all the time.

Lastly, the boyfriend. You said you fund most of the activities you share. Well...have a frank discussion with him that you need to make some changes in your financial life. If he's having money struggles of his own, he should understand. The two of you can make an adventure out of finding free things to do - parks, museums, picnics, hikes - summer is a great season for free stuff to do! Good luck - this time next year, you'll be out of debt. :)

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 10:54am
Welcome. I agree with everyone else!! I think 6 months-1 year for getting out is fabulous!!!

And just because everyone is getting bigger/better doesn't mean they aren't in over their heads. Many of us have found out the hard way!!!

Please keep posting here and look at all the various boards/websites we have here, you can do it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 1:06pm
Hi there, just wanted to let you know that you don't have a secret, and it really isn't that bad. It's hard to tell someone how much your in debt but once you do you'll feel so much better. It was so hard for me tell other that I was in debt 25k, yes you read it right 25k in just cc, so please don't feel bad and do tell others, you'll feel better and you WILL get out of this. Good luck!!

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ahhuay
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 1:35pm
Hang in there.

My h and I have $40,000 in cc debt (due to an affair he had). We have $20,000 in student loans. Therefore, don't feel ashamed about your debt.

Just wanted to let u know u r not alone.