'Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off'

Finally, a follow-up to blockbuster CNN medical article "What to Do When Body Parts Fall Off." Everyone, meet "celebrity cosmetic surgery" provider Dr. Anthony Youn and his latest CNN column, "Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off."

Are you cringing? So is Dr. Youn:

I cringe every time I see a patient for a breast lift who is a smoker. I'm deathly afraid that despite my warnings, she will smoke before or after surgery and cause her nipples to turn black and fall off.


I've seen it before.

'Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off'

He then recalls the time a smoking patient's nipples turned purple, which is "the precursor to black. Black is the precursor to falling off." The only way to save this patient's nipples was to attach leeches to her nipples. Horrible, squirming leeches, "acting as an attachable vein," sucking blood from her breasts into the slimy, pulsating bodies through the desiccated tissue of her cold zombie nipples.

She wasn't hearing me. I needed to get through to her. "Susan, listen to me. If I operate on you, your nipples could turn black and fall off."

Her eyes widened. "You mean… I'd have no nipples?"

"No nipples. That's what smoking can do."

QUIT SMOKING, YOU UNDEAD NIPPLE MONSTER. Dr. Anthony Youn is sick of picking up your discarded, blackened nipples. What do you think he is, your personal nipple maid? [CNN, images via Piotr Marcinski/Shutterstock and Dr. Youn's Celebrity Cosmetic Surgery Blog]