Leaked, Lucrative 'Hills' Salaries Prompt a Flurry of Texted OMG's

We've learned a lot about MTV over the past week, and now, thanks to In Touch, we've discovered just how big a paycheck the network will write for spouting banal words of wisdom and emotionally abusing your TV girlfriend. Yes, someone has leaked the per-episode salaries for each personality on The Hills, and never have so many earned so much for doing so little. Star Lauren Conrad is the biggest grosser (pulling down $75,000 each time a curious Whitney asks, "So what went down last weekend?") but the rest of the cast earns a pretty penny, too. Salaries and analysis after the jump:

Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year) Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year) Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually) Whitney Port: $20,000 per episode ($380,000 per season) Brody Jenner: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 a year) Lauren "Lo" Bosworth: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 for The Hills Season 4) Stephanie Pratt: $8,000 per episode ($152,000 for The Hills Season 4) Congratulations to fledgling villainess Lo, who has finally reached the "Brody Jenner threshold" that separates the wannabes from the bros. Audrina, too, has seen her rift with Lauren pay dividends; we hope that with the extra cash on hand, she will finally be able to afford more Dermalogica face cleanser, then the toner, and then Active Moist the moisturizer . Only Whitney's salary disappoints — though we've always found her pulled faces priceless, apparently to MTV, each shocked expression is worth less than the time it takes to comb Spencer Pratt's abominable snow-mustache. [photo credit: AP]