The latest transfer tittle-tattle and gossip

Football transfer rumours: Rafael Benítez to Real Madrid?

Today's gossip embraces tomorrow's world
Rafa Benitez
Is Rafa Benítez on his way to Madrid? Tell us NOW! Go on! Do it! Photograph: Clive Mason/Getty Images

So, following on from yesterday's *truly excellent* news that the Rumour Mill will be turning interactive, we can announce this morning that we're breaking new ground ahead of schedule.

The Mill's going live!

The Mill's letting you HAVE YOUR SAY!!!

Now then, here's how it works. Press 1 or 2 on your keyboard, and then the stuff we're copying from other papers will happen in real life, or they won't happen, or whatever the point of it all is. Ready?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave your say NOW!!!

Press 1 or 2 NOW!!!!!

Rafael Benítez is off to Real Madrid.

1) I would like that to happen as I support Chelsea.

2) I would like that to happen as I support Barcelona.

Real Madrid are also interested in Ashley Cole.

1) Yes, that will definitely happen.

2) Don't know, I have no contacts at Chelsea or Real Madrid, nor am I in touch with Mr Cole or any of his representatives.

Mario Balotelli is going to Milan.

1) Don't know about this either.

2) But in fairness, it's not my job to know.

Wesley Sneijder is interested in Manchester United, Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur and Chelsea.

1) I thought he'd joined Galatasaray?

2) Hold on, isn't the whole dynamic of this rumour the wrong way round?

Internazionale want Southampton winger Gaston Ramírez.

1) Do we just register likes and dislikes, then, like chimps at a tea party? Well, I'm up for this one. Just let me slice a piece of this Battenberg before I vote.

2) Oh! I've dropped some of the pink square between the 1 and 2 keys of my computer. Erm. Erp. Ach. Hold on, let me work at it with this pair of tweezers. Poke. Prod. Scrape. Aw now the 3 key's stuck down too. 33333333333333333. Ah here we33333333333go, the333333333333re it3333 33is. Delicious c3ake. Nom nom nom. Ach I've accidentally pressed 2 now. Ah well, 2 it is, what difference does it really make.

Fulham are after Jack Butland.

1) Aren't we finished already? I was mainly up for passively reading an article this morning, as opposed to being forced to chip in, if I'm being totally honest.

2) Donny Davies didn't expect me to put my shoulder to the wheel and expend effort back in the day, I can tell you that for nothing. I hope there's not much more for me to do, my super soaraway Guardian!

Newcastle United want the Toulouse midfielder Moussa Sissoko, Tottenham Hotspur will spend £15m on the Sevilla striker Alvaro Negredo and a few more quid on the Intercacional forward Leandro Damiao, and Swansea City will sign the midfielder José Alberto Cañas from Real Betis for nix.

1) Phew, that's better.

2) So, are we done?

Yep! Right, thanks, everyone! And with no time to waste, here are the highly anticipated results of today's Rumours!

Tum te tum.

Pom po pom.

Are your votes not registering? Press 1 or 2 harder!

Tum te tee.

Press harder!

Yum pum pum.


Paa paa pam.

Oh dear! It's not working. And the ends of your fingers have fallen off. And nobody's heard you have your say.

You've not had your say!

What do we all do now?

  • I Am The Secret Footballer Small Graphic


Today's best video

Today in pictures

More from Rumour Mill
