Dodgy bridesmaids and Nick's cliches: What we learnt from Corrie this week

Our Corriespondent on the rules of soap, including all one night stands ending in pregnancies, and only having friends on the same road. Ah, soaps! WARNING: Contains spoilers

Leanne and Nick have an argument

Thought Corrie was simply a cracking way to spend a Monday night? Well you're not wrong, it really is. But as a die hard fan, I think it's important to sit back at the end of such a massive week (Karl slept on Stella's sofa! Sophie kissed Jenna! Hayley came back and had a Stroganoff!) and think about what we've really learnt.

Gail and Lewis are not very clear on the definition of 'secret'

"We have to keep it secret!" they declared, before heading to that well-known private bolthole, Roy's Rolls.  They then involved themselves in some coded chat ("You're a very attractive woman"/ "You're a very attractive man"/ "I've never met anyone like you"/ etc) and some totally inconspicuous body language (hand holding/ eye gazing/ swooning etc), before finally - FINALLY - one person noticed them, doing a soap-worthy eyebrow raise. I'm genuinely scared for the future of the Tilsley/ Platts when all this boyfriend and girlfriend/ wife swapping comes out, but also... strangely excited.

Bridesmaid choices in soaps are very dubious

Like always getting pregnant when you sleep with someone inappropriate (see below), giving birth/ getting married on Christmas Day, and never leaving for a new life unless it's in a taxi, only having friends that live on the same street is an absolute soap rule. So when it comes to bridesmaids, certain people are out. Sisters - unless they happen to still live with you - don't stand a chance, and old mates from school? As if! Basically, you have to have someone you live next to, or have recently befriended, or sit next to to sew knickers with. Which is how Kirsty came to choose Julie. Now let's rewind on Kirsty and Julie's relationship. Julie used to think Kirsty was a nutter. Julie is best mates with Kirsty's worst enemy. Julie occasionally goes for a wine with Kirsty and their other workmates, and that's about it. Next week, tune in for news of Tyrone's ushers; the window cleaner, and someone he said hello to at the newsagent once.

ITV Kylie with a pregnancy test.
Yeah, this happens. Oh Nicky

Fiz has bigger things on her mind than coasters

She's mostly focusing on her affair with her neighbour who's being abused by his wife, her recent near death experience, bringing up her small child alone after finding out her husband was a murderer, and... yeah, that's about it for now.

Dev's bouquets are past their best

And if they're out of date, what about the chicken? The veg? The milk, for god's sake, which people in Coronation St buy more than the nation's average of? This is deeply troubling.

Nick's cliches live on (part of a recurring series)

Not a week goes by when Nick doesn't discard real emotions to speak only in overly emotional cliches. This week he wheeled out a "It's for the best, so why does it hurt like hell?" line, but who can blame the lad, because THIS is the kind of thing his mum comes out with. "You're the sunshine to my rain." Gail said this. Nick is not responsible for his genes.

What do you think?

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