There's just a wee problem

Here we go, there we go ...

It has so far been a near-perfect success - with brilliant stadiums, a chilled-out atmosphere and a near-total absence of hooligans. The only thing the organisers of the World Cup appear to have got wrong is the number of toilets provided. Biologists have warned that trees in Berlin are in danger of dying because of male fans urinating in the bushes. The huge, leafy 'fan mile' in the centre of the city has regularly been attracting crowds of up to 700,000 who have gathered to drink beer, eat sausages and watch games on giant screens - but it only has 280 portable loos. 'The urea sinks into the ground as ammonia. In small quantities this is a good fertiliser, but too much acidity is bad for the soil and could damage or even kill the trees,' warns Tilman Lamparter, a biologist at Berlin's Free University.

Don't look back in anger

Noel Gallagher arrived back in his seat, beer in hand, having just missed Joe Cole's long-range dipping volley that put England 1-0 up against Sweden. The Oasis guitarist and songwriter's ill-timed exit reopened the perennial debate among football fans: what's more important - drinking or watching the game?

The unBelievers

The Scots' appetite for deep-fried Mars bars has taken a turn for the worse since Mars launched promotional bars, renamed Believe, backing England during the World Cup. In protest at being enticed to support the Auld Enemy, Scots have found something else to satisfy their craving. An enterprising chip shop owner has come up with deep-fried Tunnock's Caramel Wafers, made in Glasgow.

Style notes

The football pundit does not have a long and proud tradition of fabulous style statements. Minds constantly occupied with world-class examples of Running, Kicking and Falling Over cannot be expected to also conjure up much in the way of a cohesive look. None the less, pundits are on telly, and accordingly can (and should) be judged on their relative achievements and failings in the field of fashion. Pundit chic is all about the shirts (because that's all anyone ever sees of these men). Gary Lineker's fondness for a candy-striped pastel design, for example, is adequately well-judged - those colourways set off his tan (the colour of cappuccino froth). I also approve of the simplicity of Ian Wright's sharp, chic city-style shirts - although he could feasibly lose the earring. I don't approve of bling on the over-forties. Alan Hansen, meanwhile, is not exhibiting much in the way of shirt flair. He's avoiding colour, which isn't a clever move on a man with skin tones as pallid as his. And his collars are routinely too small - Hansen has a relatively large head, and this serves only to draw attention to it.