From the Cubicle: White Sox-Royals


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Air rifle is an Olympic sport? Yup, since 1984. So I guess we can look forward to BassMaster in 2016 in Lake Michigan. Feel that? Chills.

But let's focus on what's happening today in Chicago: Lance Broadway's not-debut, not-audition for the Chicago White Sox. The not-debut part: He won his first (and only) start on September 27, 2007 againstthe Royals! The not-audition part: "I have to let him know this is not a game to see him pitch, this is a game to win," said Ozzie.

D.J. Carrasco, part of that Royals-to-Sox reliever pipeline (and don't you miss Mike MacDougal?), was originally supposed to make his MLB debut today. But with Scott Linebrink busy studying acupuncture and hanging out on the DL, Carrasco is needed in the bullpen. Also, Broadway's name is much easier for me to spell and I hear he does jazz hands after every strikeout. Oh yeah, I'm bringing out the theater jokes today. Shuffle ball change.

Broadway is a tall drink of water at 6-3, 190 pounds. The TCU product (Go Horned Frogs) was the first pick by the White Sox in the 2005 draft. There ya go, everything you always wanted to know about a guy named Lance.

The Cuban Missile, Alexei Ramirez, got the day off yesterday. Ozzie said Ramirez needed a day off "mentally." Carlos Quentin needed a few days off physically after the poor dude was hit by a pitch in five consecutive games. And people say baseball isn't a contact sport.

Kyle Davies is on the mound and has decided the best way to win is "just pretty much throwing strikes." Genius!

Today's White Sox agenda includes sweeping the Royals and avoiding another summertime brawl. Why is A.J. always in the middle of these things? Gah, he really needs to re-dye that hair.

Lineups are here: Quentin is back in the fold in the No. 3 hole; Junior is batting second and Toby Hall brings up the rear (literally and in the lineup).

Comment board is below. My email is here. What's your Olympic sport?

Baseball soon.

Here's your Olympics update: James Blake (whose autobiography I just finished reading) beat Roger Federer, both Williameseses lost their singles matches and Team USA beat Greece. ESPN's analyst said he thought the Greeks were playing possum. Is that like HORSE?


Beautiful day at the Cell today: 76 degrees with wind blowing out of the NNE at 10 mph. Mostly cloudy, kinda hazy. Prepare for fly-overs in preparation for the Air and Water show. Good times. Prepare also for spelling mistakes, as my fingers appear to have glue on them. Broadway's first pitch to Mitch Maier is a pitch down low for a ball. Black tops and white bottoms for the Sox; blue tops with grey/gray bottoms for the Royals. Maier hits the third pitch to JD in right for a lead-off single. Mike Aviles (sounds like Micah the way Hawk pronounces it)...lines one to Konerko, but it tips off his glove and deflects into the outfield for a double. Runners on second and third and some early trouble for Broadway. Mark Teahan pops it up in foul ground, O-Cab calls off Uribe and the shortstop makes the first out. Jose Guillen rips one up the middle, and that will score a pair. Royals 2-0. The first base ump, that would be Bill Hohn, has an outstanding handlebar mustache. That will cheer up the Sox. He's also wearing sunglasses. Witness protection program? Billy Butler...ball...ball...ball...ball...and it's a walk. Perhaps Broadyway stayed up late watching the Olympics. First pitch ball to Alex Gordon. Nice 91 mph fastball for a strike. Encore! 2-2 pitch to Gordon...instead, Guillen takes off for third and Broadway makes the nice spin move and nails the advancing Guillen. Pickoff attempt = successful. Guillen jumps around and whines that he got his hand in there ahead of Uribe's tag. The ump isn't buying it. Butler stays at first. Full count to Gordon and he fouls it off. Three more foul balls (I linked to the ump's mustache above) and another foul ball. And another foul ball. 13th pitch of this at-bat is grounded to Ramirez at second for the final out.

Royals 2-0.

Alert reader Pete points out that those first-inning runs were the first the Royals have scored this series. Thanks Pete! Kyle Davies' first pitch to O-Cab is a fastball low. Good series thus far for O-Cab. Not a good AB: he strikes out swinging on five pitches. One out. Ken Junior is batting second today, a bit odd. Fouls off the first pitch and then Davies back-doors him with a strike to make it quickly 0-2. Junior also strikes out, also swinging. Davies' idea of throwing strikes is good. 10 pitches, 7 strikes. Carlos Quentin in his return fouls off the first one. Two balls, another foul and...seriously? Quentin gets hit by a pitch (shoulder) for the 6th time in 6 games. MLB record. First batter Davies has hit all year. So does Ozzie issue the order for retaliation? JD rips one into the LF corner for a stand-up double; Quentin stops at third. Thome swings and misses at strike one. Three straight balls and another will load the bases for comment board favorite, Paul Konerko. He is the Harvester of Sorrow. Ball one. Konerko pops it up in the infield, second baseman German is under it for the third out. Sigh.

Royals 2-0.


KPO'M: I was decent at ping-pong in high school, but probably not Olympic-caliber. Olympic crossword puzzle-solving? Oh, how about Olympic cubicling? Gold medal for me! Gload fouls off the first pitch from Broadway. And yes, Broadway hurled 26 pitches in that first inning. Not a good sign. 2-2 pitch is hit right to O-Cab, but he misplays it and that's an error and a man on first. Played it on the far grass on the infield and threw his glove at it. Why do the infielders hate Broadway? Comcast cuts to Ozzie pacing in the dugout. Gload now. He fouls off a bunch and runs the count to 3-2. Crazy high number of foul balls off Broadway today. Gload grounds out to Uribe for the first out. Broadway at 40 pitches. German hits it hard but right to Ramirez at second for the easy 4-3 put-out. Runner at third for Maier. Attempts a bunt, but out. Look at the Royals attempting a squeeze...adorable. Broadway walks Maier on the 9th pitch. Lotsa pitches by this Broadway guy. And I've yet to see any jazz hands. Dullsville. Aviles grounds out to Uribe to end the threat. Get Broadway some ice for his shoulder (53 pitches).

Royals 2-0.

I have a case of the Mondays. Wake me up White Sox. Cuban Missile up first. Ramirez bunts it, but it doesn't head to the line and it's any easy play for the pitcher. Uribe (always patient) lines the first pitch he sees up the middle for a single. Toby Hall fouls off the first pitch off the head of the Royals catcher. Wow. Ow. Hall punches it the other way to the gap in RCF; runners at the corners. Lotsa speed aboard. O-Cab lines a 90 mph fastball to LF for a single; Uribe trots home and it's now Royals 2-1. Hall to second. The bold is back on the South Side. Junior now. Tries to check it up; looks like it but the third base ump says otherwise. Some beer vendor bends over behind home plate. Attractive. Junior floats one into shallow LF and that will drop for a base hit. Hall juuuuust makes it to third ahead of Guillen's throw. Loads 'em for TCQ (The Carlos Quentin). TCQ: Hit me now, I dare you. Quentin is now wearing an elbow pad (20 HBPs this season). Slider high, ball one. But Davies comes back and gets TCQ to strike out swinging on an ugly outside fastball. Two outs. JD now. Picks up his teammates, just missing a grand slam, hits one off the fence in LF. Dye's double will score Hall and O-Cab and it's White Sox 3-2. Two on, two out for Thome. Royals having some issues agreeing on pitches...but eventually do and Davies strikes out Thome. White Sox strand two.

White Sox 3-2.


Teahan takes it high/wide for ball one. Hits the 2-2 pitch off his fists and right to Ramirez at second for the 4-3 out. Sounds like someone is making pig calls from the stands. That's not annoying at all. Guillen his a chopper to O-Cab, who fields the ball correctly this time, for the second out. Butler now. Hits it back to Broadway, it bounces off the pitcher but he recovers and throws to first in time. Look at that...a 1-2-3 inning for Broadway. And a 5-6-7-8...and jazz hands! The first inning was just a dress rehersal. OK, I'll stop now.

White Sox 3-2.

Paulie takes a slider up high for ball one. Last week his face was clean-shaven, now the goatee is back. He can sure grow hair fast, so manly. Bounces one in between the shortstop and third baseman for a lead-off single. That blazing speed must have distracted the Royals. Strike one to Ramirez. He chops it up the third base line, Gordon fields it beautifully and throws out Ramirez. You need some gun to throw out the speedy Alexei. Konerko at second for Uribe. The blond-goateed Uribe pops it up in foul ground to the catcher down the 1B-line. Two gone. Hall watches strike two blow by him and swings and misses at strike three. Hawk doesn't like the previous strike call. And thus commence (another) discussion on balls/strikes. He needs a new script.

White Sox 3-2.


Sorry folks...the comment board comes with the cubicle. But just like I do with tomatoes, ignore them if you don't like them. It looks really pretty at the ballpark. I'm jealous. Broadway at 64 pitches; DJ says he's pitched "adequately enough." That's almost two thumbs up. Gordon shows bunt and takes strike one. Paulie uses his leather and fields the Gordon ground for out No. 1. Ex-Sox Gload singles to left field. Buck takes ball one from Broadway. I was distracted by Bobby Jenks sitting in the dugout, chewing gum and moving his eyes back and forth quickly. Weirdo. Buck flies out to CQ in LF; Gload retreats back to first. Two outs for German. He grounds out to Uribe, who throws to second for the force out. Broadway through four innings at 81 pitches.

White Sox 3-2.

HL: Brandon Rideau! He had a TD in the first preseason game, but yeah...he'll probably get cut. Rideau, of course, out of Kansas. The Orange Bowl-winning Kansas Jayhawks. O-Cab grounds out to short for the first out. Have you guys watched "Hard Knocks" this season? It's like a Kissing Suzy Kolber post came alive! Good times. Junior takes three balls, make that four balls for the walk. Here's CQ. He gets a hit, instead of getting hit...a single that lands in LF. Two on for the man, JD. M-I-Z: Cotton Bowl. Strike one to Dye. And he skies the next pitch into CF. Guillen (LF) and Maier (CF) collide but Maier hangs on to make the out. Maier clearly called for it. Runners stay put. Thome grounds the first pitch to Gload for the unassisted out. Sox strand two more.

White Sox 3-2.


White Castle commerical. Almost makes me hurl. Maier leads things off with a single just past a diving Ramirez. Top spin...wheeeee. Sizable lead by Maier at first. Just sayin'. Aviles hits, and Maier takes off. Aviles' ball goes right to Ramirez, who fields this one and throws to first for the out. Maier to second. Teahan flies out to left for the second out; Maier stays at second. Some action in the White Sox bullpen...but I can only make out the feet. Show me more Comcast! An airplane just flew over my head. Guillen grounds it to Uribe, who fakes a throw then charges Maier, who gets stuck in the basepath. Uribe tags him out to end the inning. Smart play. I think the blond facial hair made Uribe smarter.

White Sox 3-2.

Konerko bloops a single into left. Lead-off single. Magical. Ramirez makes contact and flares one into RF, but Teahan runs and takes away the hit. Southpaw now behind home plate. Try to throw strikes now, Davies, with a big green blob waving at you. Hit and run is on: Uribe swings and misses at strike two. Paulie steals second as the throw and catch is bobbled. SPEED! Full count on Uribe and he strikes out looking. Southpaw: Dancing. First pitch strike to Hall. 2-2 count (oddly, Paulie has not yet attempted to steal third) and then Hall fouls another one off. Davies' 99th pitch: Fouled off. Reoccurring theme for both pitchers today. Called strike three on Hall. Sox strand one. Davies: 100 pitches (63 strikes). Mercy.

White Sox 3-2.


Arby's commercial. Curly fries = yummmmmmmm. Broadway still on the mound for the Sox. Butler, Gordon and Gload this inning. Ugly swing/miss by Butler makes it 1-2. Swing and a miss (after a few foul balls) and that's Broadway's first strikeout today. Ozzie comes to the mound and Broadway leaves to a semi-standing ovation. Roses thrown onto the stage. New Sox pitcher is the new Sox pitcher (and former Royals pitcher) Horacio Ramirez. Kenny Williams must have the Royals GM on speed dial. First pitch to Gordon is yanked foul into the camera well by the Royals dugout. Breaking ball for strike two. From 0-2 to out to Quentin in LF. What's up with all the foul balls today? Here's Gload. Base knock for him to CF. Gload now 2-for-3 today. Hall goes out to talk to Ho-Ramirez. And I guess that's it for him; new Sox pitcher TBA. D.J. Carrasco (he of Royals fame) on the mound now. Elvis night at the Cell on August 22. First pitch ball to Buck. Lines it to the hot corner and Uribe fields and throws to second for the force out.

White Sox 3-2.

Tigers beat Toronto; now 9 games back of the Central leaders. Joel Peralta is the new pitcher for the Royals. O-Cab takes first pitch strike and is also wearing sunglasses now. Doesn't it feel like you're at the game? I can sure paint a picture. O-Cab grounds out to SS for the out. Junior now, and yes, he needs to sport some weird/fun facial hair to get hot. He should go to Nick Swisher's Dirty Thirty salon. 3-0. 4-0. Another walk for Junior. Pickoff attempt by Peralta, but Junior dives back. CQ jumps ahead 2-0. Now the count, it be full after a swing/miss. Ball four high. Mound chat. JD skies the first pitch to second base. Infield fly rule in the house. Where did all my posters go? I know this game is quite dull. I apologize. Here's Thome. He beats the shift by lifting the 3-1 pitch to right center field for a three-run homer. White Sox 6-2. Hawk, mild reaction. Huh. Paulie hits the first pitch he sees to LF for a solo shot. White Sox 7-2. Hawk, not present. DJ: Going, going, gone. Nice call. Three in a row? C'mon Cuban Missile. Konerko is 3-for-4 today; only miss came with the bases loaded. Alexei pops it up in foul ground, the catcher Buck nearly flips over his own dugout rail in missing the ball. He didn't stick the landing or catch the ball; I give it a 4. BACK-TO-BACK-TO-BACK JACKS. Ramirez belts a solo shot to left and it's White Sox 8-2. Shocker: Peralta is gone. Just Askin': Yes, I yell at the TV and when I ram my elbow into walls (which happens more than it should). But the newsroom is pretty empty right now (half in Beijing, the other on laptops elsewhere). Wonder if the Beijing crew will bring us back presents? I love presents. New Royals pitcher is Robinson Tejada. August 27, 2007 vs. Tampa Bay= last time back-to-back-to-back homers. Here's Uribe. Hahahahahaha. BACK-TO-BACK-TO-BACK-TO-BACK JACKS. White Sox 9-2. First homer since May 8 for Uribe. Everyone: Mercy. Toby Hall, you too? He's swinging for the fences, missing badly. Strikes out swinging. But I don't think anyone cares.

White Sox 9-2.


Fun, huh? Some defensive changes for the Sox: Brian Anderson now in CF; Chris Getz at second; Alexei Ramirez moves to shortstop. Carrasco is still pitching. German grounds it to the new SS Alexei, he sails the throw too high and that's an error and a base runner. Maier also grounds it to Alexei, who flings it to Getz, who flings it to first for the 6-4-3 DP. Comcast didn't really show the guys after the homers, more the flight of the I have no answer on the posing. As for the fireworks: I believe I heard some. Adam think he heard them too. Aviles fouls one off his foot; 2-2 now. Hits the next one right back to Carrasco, he fields the chopper and has a nice 1-2-3 inning.

White Sox 9-2.

Chris Getz leads things off. He's batting .500. Take that Chipper Jones! First pitch strike. Hits a chopper two-hopper to the first baseman for the first out. Average goes down to .400. Brian Anderson now. JP: Yeah, I kinda figured. Full count on Anderson...and he takes a walk. The four consecutive HRs last inning tied the White Sox record. Tell all your friends. Here's CQ. Carlos getting hit by a pitch for the sixth consecutive game? A MLB record. Tell all your friends. Strikes out swinging on some high heat (98 mph fastball). Two outs. Dewayne Wise pinch-hits for JD. I think I made Wise my new best friend during the Cubs series when he homered on my command. Bad Wise: Strikes out swinging.

White Sox 9-2.


Adam Russell is the new Sox pitcher. He's tall. Teahen is up first. I like how CQ celebrates a homer: An almost high-five with O-Cab. Gas from Russell gets Teahen swinging...97 mph fastball. Jason Smith pinch-hits for Jose Guillen. He gone: 97 mph fastball. Gas. Butler fouls one off the home plate ump's mug...and he's a bit shaken. Next pitch is hit to Uribe behind the bag, makes the looooong throw to first and it's a 1-2-3 inning for Russell. Tall man happy.

White Sox 9-2.

Ten bucks to anyone who can correctly guess the "Dodge Drives of the Game." Anyone? Anyone? Josh Newman up first and he'll face Thome. Grounds it back to the pitcher, Newman fields it and waits for Thome to run into him. Adam wanted Thome to go all "Albert Belle" on Newman. But no. Here's your favorite Konerko. Skies the 2-0 pitch to Teahen in RF. Two outs. Alexei now. He also hits it to Teahen (can of corn, according to the Hawk) and that ends the inning.

White Sox 9-2.


Let's finish this one off. There's a venti, skim, no-water chai with my name on it at Starbucks. Tom: You are correct, Sir. Well done. Russell stays on the mound. Gets Gordon to fly out quickly to Quentin for out No. 1. Hall makes small talk with the ump. Oh, the charm of Toby Hall. Gload now. Gload gets caught looking at a 97 mph fastball for strike three. Buck will now attempt to hit a seven-run HR to tie it up. Fouls one off Hall -- hey, be nice! 0-2 on Buck. Curveball gets him looking...and this ballgame is OVA!

White Sox 9-2.

Final thoughts: White Sox finish the homestand 7-3 with a sweep of the Royals. Broadway may get an encore after posting the W. Konerko is named Player of the Game. Lots of fans go home with foul balls. Hawk doesn't have a heart attack despite the Sox hitting back-to-back-to-back-to-back jacks. Thanks for reading kids!


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