about the size of my house?

(136 Posts)
secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:07:26



ToTeachOrNotToTeach Fri 15-Mar-13 22:10:04


AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:10:39



Have you got any children?

If not, how many are you thinking of having?

lysteddy Fri 15-Mar-13 22:10:58


WorraLiberty Fri 15-Mar-13 22:11:11

How can you possibly be unreasonable?

Unless of course you've got 16 kids or something.

Hassled Fri 15-Mar-13 22:11:54


someoftheabove Fri 15-Mar-13 22:12:32


secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:12:50



OrangeLily Fri 15-Mar-13 22:14:34


Marcheline Fri 15-Mar-13 22:15:39

Why does it matter what your dad thinks?


Ignore your dad and enjoy living in your nice house.

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:15:50

The area's important too.



lysteddy Fri 15-Mar-13 22:16:11

Did u grow up in a large house OP?

Kithulu Fri 15-Mar-13 22:17:31


yaimee Fri 15-Mar-13 22:17:43


Marcheline Fri 15-Mar-13 22:18:24


secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:19:21


HamAlive Fri 15-Mar-13 22:19:31


Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 15-Mar-13 22:21:14


AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:21:37



AryaStarksDancingMaster Fri 15-Mar-13 22:21:37



idiuntno57 Fri 15-Mar-13 22:23:23



PureedGoodness Fri 15-Mar-13 22:23:31

Your house sounds lovely

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:24:23




NaturalBaby Fri 15-Mar-13 22:26:05


secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:26:06

Aw bless you Whiny thanks smile

I think he's just very worried about me being a parent so is coming up with all sorts of daft reasons to put me off!

Love your name too...just finished reading that book!

MsVestibule Fri 15-Mar-13 22:29:00

My friend lives in a teeny tiny two bedroomed terraced house with a DD(6) and DS(5), who share an average size bedroom - the rest of the rooms in the house are tiny. In her and her DH's bedroom, the double bed is pushed up against a wall. Small kitchen, small bathroom, small lounge, their garden is about 3mx2m.

They manage (just). Your dad is being utterly ridiculous.

But Kithulu if your house is the same size as my friend's, how on earth do you fit 10 living things into it shock. Unless the pets are goldfish.

SingingSands Fri 15-Mar-13 22:29:30

I own a mortgaged 3 bed terrace, it is a bit small but there's only four of us (an
d 2 cats!).
Location is exactly like yours. I love it, love the location and have no plans to move from my lovely family home smile

louisianablue2000 Fri 15-Mar-13 22:29:39

Parents! My Mum told me when my brother and SIL plus first DN lived in a three bedroom house it was too small for them to have a second child! She is used to a great big house though. We currently live in a three bedroom house with three children. We want to move but mainly because we have no family nearby and so it would be nice to have a spare room.

tarantula Fri 15-Mar-13 22:31:24

Your Dad isn't Irish is he? grin All my family back home who have kids have huge houses IMO and seem to think it is terrible to have to bring up kids in a small house. We have a 2 up 2 down in London and are grand with that but my Mum thinks we need a much bigger house. Just more for dp to clean.

elportodelgato Fri 15-Mar-13 22:32:17

I grew up in a big double fronted 4 bed house with over an acre of land. Didn't compensate for living with a dad who was utterly absent and a stepmum who actively and vocally hated me all through my teens right up til I left home (and beyond!) Going back there still makes me shudder and I'm 36 now. If you have a happy home for you and your kids it doesn't matter how 'big' it is - you sound like you have a lovely set up smile

bumperella Fri 15-Mar-13 22:34:57

My Dad hates my house, too. I don't give a monkeys. It might be small but that means my mortgage is small (relatively!). I don 't get why people feel the need to have big houses - that they then fill with over-priced meaningless "stuff".

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:36:12

Aw, thanks everyone grin

Tarantula he's not Irish, I do know what you mean though - I don't think he fully appreciates how expensive things are nowadays. When I was house hunting he kept moaning about stupid stuff, like the fact there is "no parking" here. There IS, it's a quiet road and everybody just sticks their cars on the road but he was obsessed with there not being a garage and didn't seem to "get" that with a max budget of £110,000 I couldn't pick and choose!

It is a lovely house though, the lady who owned it before me kept it in an immaculate state which I am not so good at doing

CharlotteBronteSaurus Fri 15-Mar-13 22:37:22

we have a very small 3 bed Victorian semi - little garden, no drive etc
everyone always asks us when we'll be moving, but i think we're fine (family of four)
if we get a bigger house we'll only end up filling it with more stuff.

I grew up in a three bedroom terraced house - with mum and dad and six siblings. It was a family home full of laughter and love. At times there was no room to swing a cat and God only knows how my mother fed us all from her tiny kitchen with no mod cons.

I now live in a bigger house with a smaller family. Hopefully when my children are grown up their memories will not be "how much room we had when we were growing up" but "how much fun we had when we were growing up".

Phosphene Fri 15-Mar-13 22:41:10

I live in a 5 bedroom house (3000sq ft) with my fiancé.

Yellowtip Fri 15-Mar-13 22:43:46

We have a small three bedroomed cottage (but with a new one bed add on) and I have eight children and they share bedrooms and we're really cramped but no-one wants to move because we've always had this house and we live in the country right by the sea. So we're still here.

VerySmallSqueak Fri 15-Mar-13 22:43:54

It sounds like a perfect family home to me.
We are a family of 4 in a home with a double bedroom and a single bedroom.
You could have 4 kids even if the room sizes aren't big.
You don't need lots of stuff.It's better to be in the right situation.

Kithulu Fri 15-Mar-13 22:44:04

MsV We have dog, cat, kitten and 2 mice. I didn't really ever count then until last week when DS2 at forest school had to say something about his family that is special,he said he had 5 pets. It made me think WTF that's too many!!
We have and amazing superking sized bed in our room, but that fills the room. Luckily 3 boys so sharing is ok for the moment.
The plus side is or mortgage can be covered (just) by DH wages alone so I have been able to stop work and be at home for the kids. We bought 12 years ago, so no worries about getting into negative equity either.

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 22:44:13

secret I love your house! 3 bed here also. Some friends live in much larger, my best friend lives on a boat. It isn't size it's what you do with it etc grin

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:45:20

I think one (daft!) worry I have is that he or she might get bullied at school for having a small house if his or her friends all have big detached executive style properties? That's really stupid, right? grin

Kithulu Fri 15-Mar-13 22:47:52

Yellowtip that sounds lovely

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 22:47:55

you don't want friendships based on house size, surely? Iswym in a way, we live in an affluent village and there is definitely a pecking order
I've made good friends with people who don't think like that, and so have dc

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 22:49:35

in fact my houseboat friend is seen as a very cool playdate!
the people that matter judge you on who you are, not what you own

VerySmallSqueak Fri 15-Mar-13 22:50:06

My kids are ware that we live in a smaller house than their friends but there's never been any problems that they've encountered.

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 15-Mar-13 22:50:45

Yes secret, that is really stupid. hmm Whatever makes your dad think your house isn't big enough, and you that your kuds will be picked on? Madness I tell you!

whinyCrabbypeople- fantastic nickname!! grin

Iaintdunnuffink Fri 15-Mar-13 22:51:11

We have 2 children and live in a 3 bed terrace, with not a bad sized garden for a town. I used to feel an expectation from parents that we would move to a 4 bed detached, with a garage, in a nice residential village or small town. We have enough space and have everything within walking distance. Sometimes I do dream of a spare bedroom, downstairs toilet and a bigger room for my youngest son but then appreciate what we have.

We did have our house on the market for a while and went house shopping but decided to stay put. Say our house sold at 250k we could have bought another 3 bed for 300 to 350. On the outside it would look fine, detached, garage, nicer looking drive. Inside we would have no more space, or less!

auntpetunia Fri 15-Mar-13 22:51:31

Yeah stupid! Relative to the houses near my kids school 5 & 6 bed detached footballer houses ours is a small 30s 3 bed semi neither dc ever been bullied because of it.

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:52:45

More house = more to clean, more temptation to store junk, people will think they can stop over, easier to lose a toddler, further to go to the bog/doorbell, scrotes think you have something to steal, you start hearing noises from the furthest point of the house and shitting yourself etc etc etc

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:53:07

Thanks, I am going to be having the child in slightly non-conventional circumstances, so I suppose I am just a little sensitive to anything that could mark them as 'different.'

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:54:03

Actually, even if ERNIE decided to pick the bonds in my favour I still wouldn't get a bigger house, I think the space would freak me out grin

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 22:55:23


Potentially the largest drip feed changing the direction of the thread in the history of MN grin

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 22:56:25

well I am a single parent if that helps, is definitely a stand out round here
another single parent in the village has a large but rambling farmhouse, still decorated like the 70s and throws the best parties ever
when dc were very little I remember a 3 year old saying 'our house is bigger than yours' so yes it does register, but no one nice gives a shit

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 22:57:29

yes, you have to elaborate op, what are they, half zebra?

Trills Fri 15-Mar-13 22:58:08


You ARE being unreeasonable.

You know that your Dad's opinions are based on assumptions that no longer apply.

Worrying about the size of your house, when you have 3 bedrooms, should not kick in until you are considering the third child (an even then it's not necessarily a problem, as others have said).

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 22:59:21

grin Definitely not half zebra! Just having child as single mum!

Trills Fri 15-Mar-13 23:00:09

Then there's even more room per person! wink

quesadilla Fri 15-Mar-13 23:02:56

It's a generational thing. My dad thought I was "slumming" when I bought a two bed flat in the suburbs for two hundred grand. He genuinely thought I could afford a four bed in Holland Park or something. They don't get how much harder it is these days. Smile sweetly and ignore: you are in a much better place than most people, good luck to you.

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 23:04:13

Trills - absolutely!

quesadilla, yes, I know just what you mean!

VerySmallSqueak Fri 15-Mar-13 23:04:37

To move to somewhere bigger would presumably mean not being mortgage free.
You have plenty of room for your family,a fantastic location by the sounds,and you owe nothing.
What's not to love about all of that!

Trills Fri 15-Mar-13 23:05:08

How is it a generational thing if she grew up in a 3 bed house?

TheBuskersDog Fri 15-Mar-13 23:05:19

Are you intending to send your child to a private school where lots of the children are likely to be from wealthy families who live in large houses?

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 23:06:11

oh, is that all? grin
I've been on my own since dd was 6 months, I love it! embrace your lovely house and stop worrying!

thezebrawearspurple Fri 15-Mar-13 23:08:24

Four bed detached, big garden, front view the neighbours, close to town. We've turned two of the bedrooms into a gym and games room because we were so sick of guestsgrin

I think if a house is comfortable, cosy, in a good area and fits everyone in, then it doesn't matter what size it is, bigger isn't always better.

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 23:08:39

a tip - when I was a new lone parent at the school gates I assumed people would be judging me and probably came across as quite stand offish because of it. Lose the shame, it went out with the 70s. Even the Pope approves of us!

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 23:09:30

Trills, my house was a 3 bed but it was a large detached one with a lot of land and stables and outhouses - bit different to the one I have now grin

Buskers, no, wouldn't be able to afford private school! Like I say, I am just a little sensitive to my DC being marked as 'different' in any way, daft I know but if you can't be a bit daft about irrational DC worries on Mumsnet, where can you, hey? smile

quesadilla Fri 15-Mar-13 23:10:13

Just because people of older generations were able to afford much more on the equivalent of today's salaries and expect their kids to do better than them and therefore have a hard time adjusting to the huge acceleration in property prices over 40 years or so.

MrsDeVere Fri 15-Mar-13 23:10:24

I am always amazed when I watch those property shows and they interview a couple who are moving 'because we need more room for the baby'. Then you find out they are moving from a three bed with two receptions, two bathrooms and a garden.

I mean, how big do they think their baby is going to be? grin

wild Fri 15-Mar-13 23:11:00

I downsized, too. Now it's all my own! couldn't be happier

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 23:11:00

Is being a single parent unconventional now?

Pigsmummy Fri 15-Mar-13 23:11:44

Badgers pay far too much road tax

secretofcrickleyhall Fri 15-Mar-13 23:14:58

Agent - no, but I actually am choosing to be a single parent, you see, I am having IVF with donor sperm.

Mrs - haha! I always wonder that about when expectant parents buy huge people carriers - are they having quads or something? grin

VerySmallSqueak Fri 15-Mar-13 23:15:22

Circumstances dictated that I downsized from a 3 bed to a 2 bed,once we had our family.
But its a 2 bed in much better nick than the big poorly maintained 3 bed.
And we can keep warmer.

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Mar-13 23:17:55

I wonder how many of the people complaining they can't get onto the property ladder think like that MrsD?

Someone on the telly was saying they had £30000 saved up for a deposit but couldn't find anything to buy confused

You mean you couldn't find anything that didn't need a bit of work doing on it?

Although because we're oop northish I'm always surprised how much houses got for down south, maybe I'm being unrealistic.

treaclesoda Fri 15-Mar-13 23:25:17

MrsDV that reminds me of an episode of Location Location Location (or one of those Phil and Kirstie programmes) that was on a few years ago and the couple were expecting their first baby and 'needed more space', and they ended up buying this nine bedroom mansion of a thing. I mean, fair enough, if you have the money you can buy whatever size of house you want, but they were so serious about needing this space, as if it was unthinkable that they could possibly bring a baby into a home where there wasn't at least 5000 square feet of space, because it would just be too cramped. confused

Iteotwawki Sat 16-Mar-13 04:11:05

Our boys go to school with kids from huge executive detatched houses and kids from tiny bungalows (no flats because there aren't any here but if there were, those kids would go to school too!). Families range from single parent, dual parent, parent/grandparent, adoptive parents - it's a huge mix.

Nobody gets bullied because of the size of house they live in, or the makeup of their family. They get bullied because kids can be unpleasant (though the school is pretty good at sorting it) but not over things that you're concerned about.

FWIW we live in a 4 bed detatched, 350sqm (around 3760sqft) and my older son was bullied for being clever. It's nothing to do with the size of the house!

Glittertwins Sat 16-Mar-13 05:42:09

You've done well to have no mortgage on a house regardless, I wouldn't trade that in to have bigger unless you end up with mixed gender multiples.
Our house was a standard 1970s 3 bed semi until we had the loft done because we ended up with twins. If we'd only had the one we were planning on, we would still have 3 beds and a lot less time on the mortgage to go.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 07:13:38

Thanks smile

I know that a child wouldn't be bullied because of the size of their house exactly, I think it tends to be as I said something that marks them or identifies them as different, silly really. It's a lovely area but not a well to do one (old mining community) so I doubt my child will stand out particularly - but you never know!!

Glittertwins Sat 16-Mar-13 07:23:49

Good luck with ivf smile

firesidechat Sat 16-Mar-13 07:30:11

We have only ever owned 3 bedroom properties and it's always been perfectly comfortable. The last two were detached, but probably no bigger than your present house.

We have 2 children (not children any more) and will be mortgage free very soon. Bigger houses have always been possible, but we wanted a mortgage that we were happy with, rather than the ridiculous amounts that we were offered. I like to sleep at night.

Bonsoir Sat 16-Mar-13 07:34:40

Big houses are overrated, IMO. Really expensive to maintain and absolutely loads of housework. Fine if you have absolutely masses of money to outsource all the maintenance (not just the labour, but the management) but otherwise how dull to be chained to house and garden. My parents lead that lifestyle - they are retired, but I think they have come to realise that it is quite dull to spend so much of one's time maintaining property!

wordfactory Sat 16-Mar-13 07:56:54

OP, we split our time between a relatively small flat and a bloody huge country house.

I can assure you both are lovely family homes. Your Dad is talking rubbish!

It's completely relative, and parents don't always understand.

My in-laws can't understand how we can demean ourselves and our children by living in a tiny Victorian semi in a nice part of a desirable city, because they are American and suburban. In their worldview only very poor people have to live in urban "row homes". To make it even worse, we don't have a car! When I pointed out to MIL how much our house is worth in USD and how much more the sort of house she likes costs around here (in USD) she went quiet. I think she thought our house must have cost $50k or something.

My Dad, on the other hand, thinks our house is great and ample for our needs. He is very proud of us having such a pretty house in a lovely city and would think we were mad if we were dissatisfied with it.

Hairdryer Sat 16-Mar-13 08:40:20

Have we all missed something or AIBU? This is the worst case of stealth boasting I've seen. "oh look at me, I'm mortgage free. I could move somewhere bigger if I wanted. I live in a lovely house in a lovely area. Lucky, lucky me. Now then, poor people, tell me about the houses YOU live in. Are you going to have to move because of bedroom tax?"

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Mar-13 08:46:58

Precisely, precisely, precisely Hairdryer, and exactly what I thought.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Mar-13 08:48:02

And also, sod what anyone else thinks about the inadequate size of your house, unless they're going to bloody well buy you a new, bigger one.

Hairdryer Sat 16-Mar-13 08:48:59

Hey, blackholes let's be unreasonable together!

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 09:06:12

Umm Hairdryer can I firstly apologise if my post came acoss as a stealth-boast as I assure you it isn't. I couldn't move somewhere bigger (not without a mortgage) and I couldn't afford IVF/childcare fees AND a mortgage and I'd only be moving for a child anyway ...

I actually think of most people who post on here as being very middle class indeed, there are lots of threads on the education boards about independent schools and so on so I genuinely didn't think anyone would be insulted.

Also, I only own my house mortgage free because both my parents are dead so I have an inheritance (my dad is a stepfather although has been since I was quite young so I always just refer to him as "my dad" in conversation) - I don't actually count myself as all that lucky, I'd rather have both parents to be honest!

kalidanger Sat 16-Mar-13 09:11:52

I'd ask my dad what he meant, tbh. It's exactly the kind of comment that the only response at the time is "Oh?", then you have a think, start a thread wink then it's perfectly reasonable to ask what he meant at a later date. It could be something you'd never have thought of in a million years, obvs.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 09:17:42

Yes, you're probably right kali; I think I am over-thinking it, but planning a child in this way you do sort of feel as if you have to explain and justify EVERYTHING (yes I have tried internet dating, no I couldn't adopt, yes I know your best mate's cousin's neighbour had twins at 44) so the house was just one more! grin

Like I say, I honestly think of most M-netters as living in detached country homes with ponies and children who play the viola and rugby for hobbies so I wasn't stealth boasting! grin

Hairdryer Sat 16-Mar-13 09:21:54

Must dash. The cleaner is coming - yes, on a Saturday, can you believe it? - then I have to take Tarquin to Polo and Esmerelda to the opera.

kalidanger Sat 16-Mar-13 09:21:57

Oh, sounds like an off-hand nothing comment grin People are so weird wink

kalidanger Sat 16-Mar-13 09:24:18

I'm listening to Radio 4 in a sitting room full of books. Conrad and Kanga are at due back from atheist camp at 11 so I'll pop downstairs to ask Birgitta to rustle up a raw snack for them.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 09:25:50

Well, there you go then Hairdryer, I don't have a cleaner, I've never been to polo or to the opera.

Actually I think opera is a terrible noise - my dad loves it - guess we're all different, eh?

Reality Sat 16-Mar-13 09:30:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackeyedsusan Sat 16-Mar-13 09:33:34

2 bed flat. 2 children. one lge double, one not quite double but could just bout fit one in if you don't mind not popening the door fully or having the bed against a wall and not much furniture, certinly not a wardrobe.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 09:42:18

Thanks Reality - your house sounds lovely! I think with my dad it might be that although there are three bedrooms they are all on the small side and one room in particlar is titchy (it's a lovely room though!) There's a nice spacious kitchen, small lounge, stairs, two average beds, one tiny bed and a tiny tiny bathroom! grin There's a bath in it but it's so small I can't even lie down fully in it and I'm only 5'3!

ENormaSnob Sat 16-Mar-13 09:48:17

Size isn't everything wink

ShatterResistant Sat 16-Mar-13 12:32:14

Parents are funny creatures. I vividly remember my mum saying to me under circumstances I won't go into, "But you can't raise a child in a FLAT!!" as if it were the most logical thing in the world, discounting the hundreds of millions of people around the world who do just that. Having said that, now that I've got a tiny baby, I'm glad we have a small garden and our own front door. But it wouldn't have been the end of the world...

eggsandwich Sat 16-Mar-13 12:32:47

we live in a detached bungalow with 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms and 4 reception rooms, with a large garden. Our DC love it as there is lots of room to run around.

badguider Sat 16-Mar-13 12:36:51

I grew up with one sibling, married parents in a 3bed house. It's totally fine. No guest bedroom but we had a separate living room, dining room and kitchen with small table so plenty of space really.

DH and I are in a 1bed/1boxroom flat with big living spaces and pregnant. We're thinking of moving when the baby is somewhere around 1yo.

greenfolder Sat 16-Mar-13 12:48:59

Sounds pefect for your plans. Good luck with -ivf, is the second room big enough for twins?

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 16-Mar-13 12:54:24

My 3 boys can share a bedroom. We can cope with just one family bathroom. But I insist on two sitting rooms. I can't cope with everyone piled into one sitting room. Either that or go to bed. Ridiculous.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 13:00:55

Greenfolder it is, yes! grin If I had twins I would probably (eventually) sleep in the small room myself and let the children have a larger room each!

iclaudius Sat 16-Mar-13 13:05:40

Bonsoir that's me - I have a big 'un but equally lots of kids to fill it - I'm a bloody slave to it . Tis constant. Mortgage crippling too

Surely loads of people live in 3 bed terraces. They're not unusual. Loads of kids at school would probably live in very similar houses, and plenty in smaller, less impressive ones.

Your dad is being odd. Very odd.

WakeyCakey Sat 16-Mar-13 13:14:33

I grew up in a 6 bed old chapel with a giant garden. It was 3 floors and all huge rooms.

I now live in a (mortgaged) 2 bed End of terrace with DP and DSD. It has a tiny garden but it is ours.
All my mum could comment on when she saw it was about how small it is!
I like it and it is our family home :-) we will probably look for bigger if we manage to have a DC ourselves but we shall see

Hairdryer Sat 16-Mar-13 13:15:07

And no DP or DH to clutter the place up either, by the sound of it. Wtf.

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 16-Mar-13 13:21:50

The chapel house sounds GORGEOUS, Wakey. Do your parents still live there?

Hairdryer what? grin

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 13:43:07

I live in a 2 bed terrace. It's nice, it's in a nice area but it is too small. Kitchen, dining room, living room downstairs, 2 beds and a bathroom upstairs. Decent sized rooms but too small for the 3 of us. Fine as a couple

I told DH it was too small when I was pg but he didn't think so

Now he realises I was right and we now need to move with a toddler and 4 billion blocks of lego in tow. angry

Hairdryer Sat 16-Mar-13 13:57:59

"i would sleep in the small room myself" not we and ourselves.

DizzyHoneyBee Sat 16-Mar-13 14:03:35

I grew up in a large 5 bedroomed house, we rattled around in it because I was an only child (parents didn't want children). Now I have a typical 3 bedroom semi but would love to have a detached house.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 16-Mar-13 14:04:44

It's easy to cut down on things though,and fit the size you have.

I was worried how I would do it when I had to,but,honestly,we don't need all the stuff we keep about us.

Good luck,OP.

Viviennemary Sat 16-Mar-13 14:04:48

It sounds really nice. If you love it ignore what your Dad says. I always think my house is far too small though people laugh at this because it's probably about average. But I have too much stuff.

Reallyunsure12 Sat 16-Mar-13 14:08:29

I am about to move to a smaller house for me and my son so I can own my house outright. My dad has also started to ask how we will manage as he feels my present home is small. I always thought it was quite big for just the two of us, an extended 3 bed 1930's semi with 80 ft garden. Funny because their house is only a big bigger than mine!

Glittertwins Sat 16-Mar-13 14:12:00

Seems to me that there is already one person on this thread admirably demonstrating the quality of response to the OP's concern of marking a child out. If you don't like the thread, leave it.

DizzyHoneyBee Sat 16-Mar-13 14:13:17

I think it's much better to downsize and own outright.

Before I had children I got the chance to relocate to a much cheaper part of the country, along with lots of my colleagues. They mostly took advantage of it and bought a massive house in the countryside but I stuck to the same size property and no mortgage. When interest rates rose in the early 1990s they were not so sure of the wisdom of their decision. I would have loved the large houses that they had though, the grass is always greener and all that.

ouryve Sat 16-Mar-13 14:16:54

As of this month, we own our 2 up 2 down with a garden across the road from us, outright.

With 4 of us and 2 growing boys who can not get on tp the point they can't be left together without close supervision we would love an extra bedroom! We'll have to start from scratch with a mortgage when we upsize, as this house isn't worth very much (which is how we cleared the mortgage in under a decade)

Your dad is being quite unreasonable, especially if you're only wanting the one child.

oldraver Sat 16-Mar-13 15:42:47

OP... I had my DS as a single Mum by choice well I had four bedrooms to fill and my Dad was dead against it and even did the 'she's not bringing the baby into my house' thing. It very nearly ended in my dis-owning of him.

Does the size of the house really matter to him ?, you say it was said to try and put you off. Is it the 'not doing things in the right way' that so many older people are stuck on ?

I was flabberghasted at the 'dont darken my doorstep' attitude of my Dad and yes you Mum who didnt stand up for me, or tell Dad to button it. I was 40+ also mortgage free and just enough money to see me through. I think some of the older generation STILL see single parentdom something ..well to be ashamed off or at least it not to be wanted. You know, you can just about be a single parent through circumstances, but to choose it ?

kilmuir Sat 16-Mar-13 15:45:15

Terraced houses are small, ok for a small family.

Not all terraced houses are small. There are some truly giant terraced houses near where I live.

FrauMoose Sat 16-Mar-13 15:53:20

Things like the size of the actual rooms, thickness of the walls, garden, nearness to schools, friends, public transport, local shops etc, age of the house would all come into the equation as far as I'm concerned. I think a family home is also about relationships, love etc - not just bricks and mortar. I dropped my teenage daughter off at what - to many people - would be a very desirable 'family home' i.e a 4 bedroom modern detached house in a private housing estate on the edge of an affluent town. And I just thought, 'This is my idea of hell'. (Total dependence on car - 1 bus an hour I think - no facilities, nothing for children to do there...)

zwischenzug Sat 16-Mar-13 15:59:44

People over 40, and particularly those over 50, had access to very cheap housing and have no clue about how expensive housing is these days. Generally speaking you can ignore absolutely everything they say on the subject of housing. Its a shame the government are all too keen to listen to their moronic NIMBY campaigns when they try to prevent housing being built for young families as freely as.it was back in your parents day.

DizzyHoneyBee Sat 16-Mar-13 16:10:54

People over 40/50 do still move house though so I think they do understand; whilst younger people struggle to get on the housing ladder we have struggled to be able to move to larger houses whereas our parents used to be able to start small and work their way up.

Interest rates of 15-16% and massive negative equity stopped a lot of people from moving to larger houses; price drops of some 30-40% were not unusual and so people were stuck in houses that they needed to move from but were forced into staying due to negative equity or they'd lose a lot of money.

Different times, different struggles.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 16:13:48

<snort> at one bus an hour being "total" dependence on a car.

Kiwiinkits Sat 16-Mar-13 16:21:15

Location is everything. 4 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment. Small, but within 2 steps of a swimming beach, cafes, a supermarket and across the road from a large park. 10 mins walk along a waterfront promenade to work. Wouldn't move for the world.

sweetkitty Sat 16-Mar-13 16:24:26

Parents indeed!

My Dad always finds one thing to moan about when he visits, this week he saw DSs new bedroom furnished for the first time, his comment "oh doesn't his bed look tiny in here" "yes Dad it's a toddler bed and eventually he will have a bigger bed and more furniture in it" "I know but his bed looks so small"

We have just extended a 3 bed (1 tiny boxroom) into a 5 bed house. We have 4 DCs so they all have their own bedrooms now.

Last week he was telling us to knock a window through in the dining room. He's also always going on about the garden, yes it's a mud pit after the building work but we cannot afford the 2K or so it would cost to landscape it. We've also had a playroom put on the back, he was telling us to use it as a dining room, I was trying to tell him that as family a second lounge/playroom/toy dumping ground was a better use of it, no he wild make it a dining room.

He cannot visit without making some comment. I ignore most of them now.

Three bedrooms is fine and mortgage free is amazing.

Kiwiinkits Sat 16-Mar-13 16:25:27

Houses are only small if you have a lot of stuff. There's generally potential to downsize your stuff before compromising on other things.

Sillyoldbagpus Sat 16-Mar-13 16:32:43

3 bed house for me and DH. No way near enough space for us, but that is because we own too much rubbish.

FrauMoose Sat 16-Mar-13 16:35:57

Trills I live 4 miles outside a major city. There are buses into the city every 5 minutes and also good routes to other suburbs, the nearby town etc. This is absolutely brilliant for teenagers because they can find their way round independently.

Yes teenagers living in this particular private estate can get the single bus which takes them into town to go shopping, and get the same route to go home again. But apart from such trips their parents are probably chauffeuring them round a lot. Bikes would be possible, but some of the roads and roundabouts aren't that great. Walking into the nearest town would take a good 40 minutes and not be terribly pleasant. So one reason why I like living where I do is it's a place where my teenager and her mates can enjoy moving around independently, and get more savvy and streetwise when it comes to being used to the occasional drunk/drug users/person talking to her/himself on buses. If we lived out in the country or on the sort of posh estate I described above, our family life would be rather different.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 16:43:50

That's called "more dependence on a car than you would like.

Not "total". Not by a long way.

Sillyoldbagpus Sat 16-Mar-13 17:00:42

IMO having the money free to spend on experiences such as holidays and days out is what will matter most your children when they look back. I don't think children care whether their house is a massive vicarage. They will remember the great times that you had and things you could do.

I think you are really sensible. Too many people push themselves financially to have houses they can't really afford. Your dad should be so proud that you are setting a great example of how to leave within your means happily.

Sillyoldbagpus Sat 16-Mar-13 17:03:08


FrauMoose Sat 16-Mar-13 17:35:01

Trills I realise that many places - especially in rural areas - are very badly off indeed in terms of public transport. The underlying point is that, to me, being at home in an area is not just about the property I'm living in. It's about the community and its facilities. If you're planning on having a family, I'd want to think about parks, playgroups, nurseries, a local library, schools etc. Because one can feel quite alone with a new baby, it's also good to have neighbours, to bump into people you know as your're walking along the street. Many new housing estates don't have that sort of infrastructure because of the assumption of car ownership. So I might prefer to live in a less obviously desirable house in a thriving community, than an estate agent's dream a long way from anywhere.

Squashedbuthappy Sun 07-Apr-13 16:30:29

OP, our house is very similar to yours, though we still have few years left on the mortgage. We have 2 dc and are a little squashed, but happy in our home. It is well organised, cared for and decorated to our taste. And though it is small, it has everything we need. We have thought of moving from time to time, but are now glad we haven't saddled ourselves with a bigger mortgage in the current financial climate. So, the house is not a problem for us. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't see it like this. I have lost count of the number of times various friends, acquaintances and family members have felt compelled to comment on the size of our house. This ranges from "your house is so lovely, shame you'll have to move" to "I don't know how you cope in here, you really need more space". We have also had invitations to our home for a meal turned down with the explanation that it would be better to meet elsewhere so everyone has space. Whilst I have a thick skin most of the time, it does get to me every once in a while! I'm beginning to wonder whether other people are so bothered by this because they want to be friends with us, but in some way would like us to live up to some image/social status they are aspiring to themselves?

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