Living Colors

There are some wiseacres out there--I'm not going to mention any names, because right now I can't think of any--who get their sick kicks imputing all sorts of smut and deviant subtexts into the wholesome antics of that funny-papers institution The Family Circus. There was a time when my VF colleague and author David Kamp might have lent his snicker to such hooligan shenanigans. But his experience working with Bil Keane converted his cynical attitude into a fond affection. It's the sort of heartwarming, uplifting, life-affirming tale that Mitch Albom could milk into a maudlin bestseller and might even coax a winsome smile from The Comics Curmudgeon.

David also has a cogent post vis a vis the Imus meltdown about the multicolored deflection tactic raised by some when charges of racism spoil their picnic.

I've always winced at anyone who bills himself (or has his representatives bill him) as an "equal-opportunity offender"-which is the tack that the defenders of Don Imus have taken. Any true aficionado of comedy and comedians knows that "equal-opportunity offender" is apologist code for "hack entertainer trading in dated ethnographic material." Jackie Mason comes to mind (he actually has a DVD out called Equal Opportunity Offender), as does Carlos Mencia. A corollary to this, which I learned from my old Spy boss Kurt Andersen, is that anyone who uses a construction along the lines of "I treat people all the same; I don't care if they're black, white, purple, or green"-who uses colors that no human being can actually be-is inherently a racist bastard.*

I heard a variation of that today on New York 1, where a young man said that he said that everybody ought to be treated the same--white, black, red, green, or blue.

I'm not prejudiced against people of any Crayola color--indeed, I'm rather partial towards those endowed with a deep blue hue--but I do recall a standup comic from the old Improv days who did a routine about how everyone boasts that they don't care what color a person is, it's what's inside that matters. "People say,'Black, white, purple, polka-dot, makes no difference to me, I don't believe in discrimination.' They're so proud of themselves. Like some nice polka-dot family is going to move in next door, come over to borrow things. Hell, anybody can be tolerant of imaginary beings."