


To: Malia Obama <>
Subject: Re: Can you help me with my logic homework?

Of course I'm happy to help — they're really pushing you at Sidwell Friends, huh? But this one's pretty simple: it's just about the concept of logical opposites. If x is true, then not-x is false by definition. So to take a topical example, I'm opposed to attempts to outlaw same-sex marriage, but on the other hand, I'm opposed to making same-sex marriage legal, because . . . wait, that's weird. Now I think about it, that's not logical at all. Huh. Let me get back to you on this one, sweetie, OK?

x Dad

To: David Axelrod <>
Subject: Re: Excellent! Bunch of Tea Party wingnuts win Republican primaries

The part I never understand is this: if you're going to blame some sinister organisation for surreptitiously creating a terrifying socialist world government through bike-sharing and farmers' markets . . . why pick the UN? Least efficient organisation in the history of the planet. If those guys tried to organise even one bike-sharing scheme, it'd take 20 years and several billion dollars just to agree on an acronym for the coordinating committee. As for authorising the purchase of a fleet of black helicopters? Never. Gonna. Happen.


Subject: Re: Robert Gibbs talking about how people should be drug tested??!

It was a joke, and he was talking about my leftwing critics. What are you acting so worried about? Also, can we talk about the disgusting quantities of air freshener you seem to be spraying in the corridor right outside your office recently? I could barely breathe when I walked past this morning.


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Robert Gibbs talking about how people should be drug tested??!

PS. Your plane KNOCKED OVER ANOTHER PLANE at the airport? Is your whole staff on drugs or something? Is that what you're worried about?