Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with thanksgiving Questions tagged with 'thanksgiving' at Ask MetaFilter. Sat, 06 Dec 2014 03:32:33 -0800 Sat, 06 Dec 2014 03:32:33 -0800 en-us 60 How To Make Xmas Dinner, Sans Murder, Confusion or Smarm? Buzzfeed has a post detailing the cooking schedule for Thanksgiving dinner. Does same exist for Christmas? I adore Buzzfeed's Thanksgiving cooking schedule - it breaks cooking such a special meal down into clear, easy steps that an actual human might follow. I am looking for something similar to enact for Christmas dinner.<br> <br> I've looked around online for a similar schedule that would cover a traditional Irish/UK Xmas dinner: turkey, ham, sprouts, roast spuds, mashed spuds, stuffing, gravy and dessert. If it includes mince pies/Xmas cake/trifle/something else, then fantastic.<br> <br> What I found is just overly complicated or, even worse, have that smarmy-smirky air from the likes of Nigella Lawson or Rachel Allen or (insert US equivalent). No, I won't brine a whole turkey or boil the carcass to make my own stock, but I will stick it a turkey into an oven until it's cooked.<br> <br> There's nothing really on Amazon, either. I'm literally looking for a blog post/book/pamphlet with the title of this question. Can anyone help? Or share the bare-bones schedule (simply, please!) of how you make Xmas Day dinner?,2014:site.272581 Sat, 06 Dec 2014 03:32:33 -0800 Chorus Because brown turkey drippings are just too mainstream. For the second year running, my delicious, heritage breed, Thanksgiving turkey has produced drippings that are a lovely shade of <a href="">deep lavender</a>. I mean, we eat it anyway, and the wonderful gelatin-rich jiggly stock we make with its carcass...but it's <em>weird</em>. We use heritage breed turkey, but it's not like we get it from a local farmer or anything (I wish). I think it may have been a Mary's heritage turkey. There was nothing remotely abnormal about either turkey before they were cooked, no twine or foreign objects were used that might have had dye, and both the drippings in the pan and the fat rendered during stock simmering have the same crazy hue. I have googled to no avail. What gives??,2014:site.272329 Mon, 01 Dec 2014 14:37:09 -0800 JuliaIglesias Can you help me fix my sourdough dressing? I am doing some pre-cooking for tomorrow, and hit a snag. The recipe I used for dressing was one loaf of cubed sourdough bread, some sauteed-in-butter celery/onion/green apple, fresh parsley, thyme, salt and pepper, and baked with turkey broth and eggs. The result is a dressing slightly too tangy and without much interest. Hoping you can help. As it stands, the sourdough bread just kind of overpowers the dish and the tart apples add to the tartness.<br> <br> The dressing isn't a sold baked mass and needs more time, so I can fold in some new ingredient- but what? Raisins might be too sweet. Sauteed mushrooms, maybe? That doesn't sound appealing to me, for some reason. I have cranberries on hand, but we already have cranberry sauce. Pecans? Eh. I am thinking diced dried figs for sweetness (but not too much) and toasted pine nuts -? <br> <br> Any suggestions are so appreciated. Thanks, and Happy Thanksgiving Eve!,2014:site.272147 Wed, 26 Nov 2014 20:15:39 -0800 Ink-stained wretch Give me your best cookie recipes (pretty please)! I need elegant but relatively uncomplicated cookie recipes (yes, just cookies: I don't have any cupcake tins at present; not inspired right now to bake a pie or cake, either - however I am open to sweet bread loaves like chocolate pumpkin bread*) that I can make with what I *already* have in the pantry/fridge, and can whip up either tonight or tomorrow morning before Thanksgiving festivities. Pantry contents inside. *BUT I've already done chocolate pumpkin bread and would like to do something new.<br> <br> What I have in my pantry and my fridge (that is relevant for baking, anyway):<br> <br> PANTRY<br> - White flour, whole wheat flour, bread flour, cornmeal<br> - Baking powder, baking soda<br> - White granular sugar, and light brown sugar<br> - Walnuts (shelled) - about a cup's worth<br> - Semi-sweet chocolate chips<br> - Shredded coconut<br> - 2 cans of pumpkin<br> - Some left over, still fresh, high quality imported balsalmic vinegars (maybe a 1/4 cup left of blackberry ginger balsalmic vinegar; 2 cups straight balsalmic vinegar, 1/2 cup mango white balsalmic vinegar)<br> - High end (and some low end) olive oil, grapeseed oil, coconut oil, sesame oil, vegetable oil<br> - Shortening<br> - Rose water (unopened bottle)<br> - Lavender blossoms, dried for culinary use<br> - Fresh cardamom pods<br> - All the other standard baking spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, apple and pie spice mixes) and wide variety of others that might be unexpected but pleasant in a cookie (saffron? smoked paprika?)<br> - Vanilla bean pods<br> - Vanilla extract, orange extract, almond extract, peppermint extract<br> - Cream of tartar<br> - Cinnamon sticks<br> - 1 can Sweetened condensed milk<br> - Sea salt (ground)<br> - French grey sea salt (coarse)<br> - Whole peppercorns<br> - Half of a standard size container of Nutella<br> - Black, green, and herbal teas<br> - Pretzel sticks<br> - Quick oats (no slow oats that I could find tonight...)<br> - Golden raisins<br> - Pumpkin seeds<br> - Sunflower seeds<br> - Flax seeds<br> - Wheat germ<br> - Vanilla protein powder<br> - Half a bottle of leftover Merlot from last evening, that I would consider donating to the baking cause if it was warranted<br> - Jameson Irish whiskey, bourbon (the good stuff), Frangelico, Grand Marnier, Campari, cognac (spiced), creme de menthe (clear, not green)<br> - Grenadine, simple syrup, bitters<br> <br> FRIDGE:<br> - 1/2 dozen eggs<br> - Half and half<br> - Flax seed milk (unflavored/unsweetened)<br> - Unsalted butter<br> - Margarine<br> - Almond butter<br> - Natural peanut butter<br> - 1 15 oz container of whole milk ricotta cheese<br> - About 4 limes and 4 lemons<br> - New, unopened jar of quality apricot jam<br> - Several fresh macintosh apples<br> - Jalapeno peppers <br> - A lot of aged cheeses<br> <br> TOOLS/ETC AT MY DISPOSAL<br> - A conventional oven with cookie sheets, bread pans, a pie/cake pan<br> - Halogen stove top<br> - Cast iron skillet<br> - Kitchenaid mixer with the three standard attachments<br> - Parchment paper/aluminum foil<br> - All the standard kitchen knives/cutting boards/general kitchen tools<br> - A food thermometer<br> - Zesters, graters<br> - Silicone 'brush' for brushing on melted butter, egg washes, etc<br> - A stovetop smoker<br> - A mid-size Cuisnart food processor<br> <br> <br> TOOLS/INGREDIENTS I *DO NOT* HAVE:<br> - Confectioners sugar, cream cheese, or most things you can make frosting with (so frosting is out, unless someone knows how to make great non-sloppy frosting with what I have... is there a ricotta hack for this???)<br> - Given the above, also not in a position to make any whipped cream by hand<br> - White wine or champagne - <em>only</em> very dry and bold red wines, and some homebrew IPAs (plus the abovementioned liquor/liqueurs)<br> - I *don't* have a flour sifter but I know a few ways to DIY this with success<br> - A food scale<br> - An outdoor grill (I live in an apartment)<br> - A blender (yes, I know, I know, but the last one broke and I haven't replaced it yet - only the food processor for now)<br> <br> I'm open to all suggestions, but I've already decided I don't want to do any lemon ricotta cookies. One because I don't have what I need to make the glaze, and two because I just don't want to do any lemon-dominant cookies. Would LOVE good ricotta (or shortening-instead-of-butter) based cookies that go beyond citrus.<br> <br> (Oh, and no food allergies to speak of. My sister hates nuts but I'll make sure hers don't have 'em).<br> <br> Thank you!,2014:site.272139 Wed, 26 Nov 2014 17:49:19 -0800 nightrecordings Thanksgiving dinner or bust What are Thanksgiving sides that travel well? We have to head north three hours for Thanksgiving dinner this year and were tasked with bringing the side dishes. Do you have any recipes you can recommend that we can prep at home and then just pop in the oven when we get there? Bonus points for a green bean and bacon side dish and mash potatoes. If we prepare the mash potatoes completely here would they be okay to reheat there? <br> <br> Thanksgiving is more stressful than this needs to be. Happy holidays!,2014:site.272114 Wed, 26 Nov 2014 06:08:17 -0800 heavyp08 Thanksgiving Day in New York City What should a couple in their early 30s do in New York City on Thanksgiving Day? Wife and I did New York at Thanksgiving last year. We're taking the train from Boston to the city again this year. Arriving at noon on Wednesday. Departing on Saturday afternoon.<br> <br> We're looking for suggestions on a couple of things to do on Thursday. (We're going to the parade and yes I know it's touristy and cheesy, but eff that... it's fun and I feel 5-years old again.)<br> <br> After the parade we're looking for... <br> 1. A chill place to have Thanksgiving lunch. (Is there a bar or other relaxed environment to consume all the traditional Thanksgiving cuisine?)<br> 2. Any site we should see, event we should attend, or bar we should drink in during the afternoon hours?<br> 3. ...anything else you'd recommend that can be found on Thanksgiving Day?<br> <br> Details:<br> - We're staying in Williamsburg within a stones throw south of the Williamsburg Bridge, but we'll travel anywhere and know our way around the city very well.<br> - We like anything... and while we're anti-tourists, we're not full-on hipsters.<br> - We're in our early 30s, no kids.,2014:site.272071 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 10:37:04 -0800 bamassippi Hotels in San Diego over Thanksgiving weekend? Please share your good experiences with hotels in San Diego!! I'm looking for recommendations for family (two adults and a three and half year old) that will likely be visiting this weekend. They will be going to the zoo/Balboa Park, and I will be visiting for a day or two while they're there, staying in Hillcrest. They will have a car though, so other neighborhoods/areas are fine too.<br> <br> Thanks!!,2014:site.272045 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 18:34:11 -0800 pseudoname How does Thanksgiving affect Manhattan parking and travel to Upstate NY? I'm visiting New York for Thanksgiving. I'm driving from Pittsburgh to Manhattan and I arrive late tomorrow. I'm staying in the Upper West Side through Saturday, but I'm spending Thanksgiving with family in Monroe, NY. I have one night booked at a hotel in that area. Where can I conveniently and cheaply park my car in Manhattan for 5 days? How can I get from Manhattan to Monroe, NY, reliably and cheaply? I'm currently planning to park on the street and take the Port Jervis line. On a previous trip to New York, I parked my car on a street near my accommodations, which was also in the Upper West Side. I had to move it once for street sweeping, but I only had to think about it that once all week. I don't really care if my car is near where I'm staying. I'll leave my car in Queens if I only have to drop it off, pick it up and maybe move it once. I'd rather park it far away and not have to move it at all then park it closer and have to re-park later. I'm particularly concerned about moving and re-parking my car on Black Friday. How does that affect parking? What about Thanksgiving Saturday? Is there some insider trick to finding parking in New York?<br> <br> I've taken trains to NJ and CT on past trips and it's always seemed reliable and stress free. Will Thanksgiving mess that up? I called NJ Transit and there's a train that matches my schedule. It's due to leave Penn Station at 1:11pm. When do I need to get there to be reasonably assured of getting a seat? Is it already too late? Can I buy a ticket in advance? Are the trains likely to run on time?<br> <br> Would it be easier to drive? I'm not a native and I've never been in town on Thanksgiving. I just assumed that the holiday makes driving completely impractical. It looks like my hostel (103rd and Amsterdam) is over a mile north of the parade route. Am I over-thinking this? Can I just mosey into Manhattan, park at leisure and then leave as if it were any other Thursday?<br> <br> Is it enough to avoid the UWS? Could I park anywhere else in Manhattan and then have a clear shot across the Holland Tunnel? I'm willing to avoid Manhattan entirely. I'm happy to park anywhere in NYC within reasonable walking distance of the subway. Is there somewhere to park in Queens or the Bronx? Could I avoid Manhattan entirely by heading north to the Tappan Zee Bridge? <br> <br> If I take the train up, I should be able to get a ride back. If I drive, then I'll need to find another parking space on Black Friday. Will that be possible?<br> <br> Bonus Points: Can you park my car near the most delicious thing you've ever eaten that will be open on Thanksgiving? I'd prefer not to fast all day and then gorge myself at dinner.<br> <br> Thank you.,2014:site.272033 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 14:10:27 -0800 stuart_s Gobble, gobble Okay, having a problem with dry brining my turkey. Help? I've done the Russ Parsons' <a href="">"dry brining" technique</a>, aka "the Judy Bird" for the past two years with great success. Usually I salt it up on Monday and put it in the fridge (sealed up in plastic), unwrap it on Wednesday and cook on Thursday.<br> <br> This year I'm trying it with a frozen bird, which Parsons (and other cooks/food writers) says is fine. But the bird's so frozen I can't get the giblets out. Online advice says rinse it until it loosens up enough so you can reach in there. I've been rinsing for a while (with cool water) and it's still really, really frozen and rock hard. And I need to leave the house. What to do?<br> <br> -- Rinse it with hot water? (Still, I don't have a ton of time right now.)<br> -- Leave it on my counter all day (around 70F degrees).<br> -- Leave it in the fridge, covered with plastic wrap. Check it tonight and hopefully it'll be loose enough? Not sure if that's enough time for it to defrost enough. Then, do the dry brine. <br> -- Salt the exterior now, put it in the fridge. So at least some of the brining is going to start? Then unwrap it tonight/tomorrow morning (hopefully??), get the giblets out, salt the interior, and rewrap?<br> <br> Or...what else?,2014:site.272019 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 10:40:07 -0800 BlahLaLa Can I eat it? (Thanksgiving edition) My mom is coming down from Boston to NYC for Thanksgiving. Her current plan is to cook the turkey, wrap it in aluminum foil, put it in a polystyrene cooler and then drive it down to NYC on Thursday. This is setting off my warning bells about food safety. The original plan was for her to bring it down Wednesday and cook it Thursday here, but do to circumstances beyond her control, she now thinks that she won't be able to leave until Thursday morning. The turkey will be fully cooked before being loaded in and then probably heated up again in my oven before eating. The drive from Boston to NYC is approximately 4-5 hours.<br> <br> How safe is this? It's not going to be in my oven for nearly long enough to actually cook it through, not to mention the fact that that would dry it out beyond belief. I know that according to the USDA it shouldn't be out above 90 degrees F for more than an hour, but they're also the people who tell you not to eat rare beef.,2014:site.271983 Sun, 23 Nov 2014 15:32:36 -0800 Hactar Missing Thanksgiving I have to be on call with work on Thanksgiving, and I have a good reason to believe I'm going to have to do several hours of work that day (via VPN). Assuming this means I have to skip the family Thanksgiving dinner, what can I do to sort of celebrate the holiday at home? I would go to the usual big family dinner thing that my aunt hosts, but it's out in the middle of nowhere, more than an hour's drive from home, and if I get stuck doing an all-nighter, I don't want to be trapped at her house. I also have reservations about the reliability of my aunt's internet connection, which I need to do my job.<br> <br> So it seems like the most reasonable thing to do is to just say I can't make it and stay home. Family will be a bit miffed, but I can't see a way I could attend this dinner without being anxious and uncomfortable the whole time. One of my friends who lives a 20 minute cab ride from home offered to let me attend her dinner, which I think I could pull off. I don't have roommates or an S.O.<br> <br> How can I make the best of this situation?,2014:site.271975 Sun, 23 Nov 2014 13:33:40 -0800 deathpanels What to do for 4 hours on Thanksgiving in NYC? I have about four hours in between morning/afternoon plans and dinner plans on Thanksgiving in NYC. What should we do with them? There are three of us: me (woman), my partner (woman), and my teen son. We'll be volunteering that morning and early afternoon -- til about 1 -- in Harlem. We have dinner plans at 5:00, Midtown West. That's a four-hour stretch where we could ostensibly go anywhere (including back home to Riverdale, but eh), but sticking to Manhattan is probably the best idea. Given okay weather (not freezing rain or a blizzard or something), what should we do with that time?,2014:site.271891 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 10:53:22 -0800 houseofdanie Ideas for Thanksgiving-themed cocktail party food? I am hosting a Thanksgiving cocktail/housewarming party on Wednesday evening, and I need ideas for festive, on-theme recipes that can stand up to sitting out for a few hours while people graze. This is the fourth annual "Family-Free Thanksgiving" party, but I usually do the standard spread of turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, casseroles, etc. In past years, it's been a pretty traditional dinner-party setup, with 12-15 guests eating at the table. For many reasons, I decided to expand the guest list this year and make it a more informal, open-house-type party. However, as the RSVPs have started to roll in, I'm realizing that my normal menu isn't great for this type of party.<br> <br> Therefore, I'm looking for Thanksgiving-inspired finger food that can either be served cold or won't suffer too much from sitting out on the buffet for a few hours. Alternatively, ideas for keeping food warm while it sits --- I did get a couple of those disposable buffet trays with the sterno underneath, but I've never used those before and I'm kind of unsure about them. Warm or cold, I would like the food to be minimally messy to eat off a paper plate that you're carrying around.<br> <br> I'm a relatively experienced cook with a full kitchen, a range hood with warming lights, an embarrassing amount of cooking equipment including a large crock pot, and all of next week off work, so not too many constraints other than the fact that I can't think of anything to cook. Specific recipes and general ideas both welcome. Make-ahead recipes a plus.,2014:site.271882 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 07:53:49 -0800 slenderloris What is Thanksgiving in Los Angeles like? My wife and I (from Toronto) will be in Los Angeles all next week. Being Canadian, we only realized yesterday that this means we'll be there on Thanksgiving weekend. Two questions:<br> <br> 1. What is LA like on Thanksgiving weekend? Busy? Packed? Kind of empty? I'm not a big shopper but my wife has definitely made some kidding-not-kidding comments about Black Friday.<br> <br> 2. Any suggestions on things we must do both this coming week and over Thanksgiving?,2014:site.271876 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 05:54:17 -0800 renderthis Advice on fresh vs. frozen turkeys, please Trader Joe's near me is selling fresh turkeys for Thanksgiving, both regular and (hey!) pre-brined at a good price. But no reservations and when they're gone, they're gone. Is it too early to buy a fresh turkey? Any reason not to get the pre-brined one? (same price, $1.99 a pound). Are there any advantages to thawing a frozen turkey? Would I get a better bird going to the old school meat shop (Gartner's in Portland)? Thanks!,2014:site.271872 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 01:56:44 -0800 msalt Spatchcocked turkey logistics For Thanksgiving this year, I decided that I will spatchcock/butterfly the turkey. Problem? I've never cooked a turkey before, and I need some help thinking through specific logistics of size and scissors. Detailed questions inside! My turkey is going to be 22-23lbs from a local farm. I'm trying to make sure I have the right roasting pan for this, but I have no idea what the dimensions of a flat 22-23lb turkey would be. Do you? (I have access to a 18x13x3.5 roasting pan with a flat rack on top of it -- would that work?)<br> <br> Will I be able to sharpen my normal kitchen scissors / knives sufficiently to do this or do I super duper need to buy poultry shears?<br> <br> Right now I'm planning to put the stuffing in the roasting pan under the turkey, and the turkey on top of the flat rack so that turkey drippings get on the stuffing. Is there anything that could go wrong with this?<br> <br> Any other tips helpful/appreciated. The goal is to do a modification of <a href="">this recipe</a> (basically doubled, with a spatchcocked turkey, stuffing under, and no basting).,2014:site.271839 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:24:05 -0800 aaanastasia What should we do in LA on Thanksgiving? My girlfriend and I are going to LA for Thanksgiving week and since we're not going down to join in any particular gathering, I wanted to query the hivemind for good things to do on Thanksgiving day. Are there any cool restaurants or events we should be booking now? We'll be staying in Redondo Beach, but have a rental car, so it doesn't matter too much where as long as it's in the general vicinity. We're also open to more general suggestions of fun things to do that week. We'll be there Tuesday (25th) evening through Sunday (30th) evening.,2014:site.271685 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 20:51:14 -0800 Cogito Too Many Cooks Is EXACTLY What I Need, Actually Do you have a crowd-wowing recipe for a room-temp appetizer with citrus somewhere in the mix? My office is having an Iron-Chef style cook-off in a few weeks. I pulled 'appetizer,' and the challenge ingredient is citrus. I can't cook onsite, I will be bringing it in from home, and it will have to be eaten room temp. The citrus can be as heavy or as light as I want. I am an okay cook, with springform pans, mini muffin tins, and multiple zesters at my elbow. <br> <br> Do you have any recipe suggestions for an appetizer that includes citrus and could nominally be served for a Thanksgivingishly-timed feast? Thank you!,2014:site.271225 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 09:28:36 -0800 Ink-stained wretch Thanksgiving nomnoms Help me plan my first Thanksgiving menu! Bf &amp; I are hosting my parents. I want to plan a delicious feast for 4! I don't need to worry about the turkey. I love experimental cooking, so no limits. Bonus: perfect pie recipes. For the first time, I'm "officially" hosting a Thanksgiving. In the past, I've only done appetizer-level things when parents come over. I am a good cook, like to experiment, and have a captive audience ;) So throw the best recipes for T-giving staples at me!<br> <br> I definitely want to do fancy stuffing (baked separate from the turkey), garlic mashed potatoes, some sort of squash, and maybe light appetizers, and need recipes for all. I am going to do canned jellied cranberry sauce, my mom is making her tried and true candied yams, and the turkey will be done in a turkey fryer. Otherwise, the menu is open.<br> <br> I would also like to do a pie or two from scratch. Maybe a couple half-sized pies? Is that a thing? My dad loves apple, so I'd love to do an innovative variation for one of the pies.,2014:site.271222 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 07:57:55 -0800 DoubleLune Brother in Law tried to stop my wedding. How do I deal w Thanksgiving? My husband and I were married this past May. In mid-February, before the wedding, the husband of my sister in law called my husband to tell him that he was making a huge mistake marrying me and that it was going to ruin his life. There was a lot of classism and casual xenophobia in his reasoning. Now he and my SIL are coming in from out of state for Thanksgiving. What to do? There was a lot of dramatic fallout from his phone call, including him being disinvited from our small wedding ceremony but being invited to the reception. He and I spoke briefly and politely at the reception in passing, but other than that we have had no contact. <br> <br> My husband and my brother in law have had a strained relationship in the past, with a lot of condescension and controlling behavior on my BIL's part and avoidance and resentment on the part of my husband. They have not spoken since the wedding, though one or the other of them will reach out occasionally. (We live across the country from each other so it's hard to keep in touch sometimes, especially when the relationship is already strained.)<br> <br> I know part (or most) of the reason for his phone call had to do with his own issues. He has trouble making friends and missed my husband, and felt like our marriage would mean that my husband would never move back home. I have sympathy for him, but I am still so angry. The things he said were extremely hurtful and touched on some of my deepest insecurities. I do not know how to carry on a relationship with him. <br> <br> It is also difficult for me to carry on as if nothing happened. He has never apologized to me or even acknowledged the situation to me. He did tell my husband that he never would have said anything if he could have known that my husband would tell me. (He was, in fact, very angry that my husband told me.)<br> <br> On top of all that, he fairly regularly makes racist or otherwise prejudiced comments in front of my husband and I, which makes both of us uncomfortable and angry. This was a problem way before this particular situation arose. <br> <br> Now he and my SIL are coming to our state for Thanksgiving and I don't know how to interact with him. At some point I asked my husband if he could ask my BIL to apologize to me. I felt like I needed that to move past this situation. But now I'm not sure if that's the best idea. I should add that my husband has been very supportive of me in this whole situation, as have his parents, but we just don't know what to do.<br> <br> So, I suppose my questions are:<br> <br> 1) How can I have a relationship with my BIL?<br> 2) How should I handle this upcoming holiday?<br> 3) How do I deal with his racist comments?<br> <br> Thanks you so much for reading all this; I very much appreciate your advice and input!,2014:site.271207 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 15:42:18 -0800 dysh How do I deal with this morass of feelings re: holidays, travel, family I am the only one that moved away from my extended family. I'm dealing with some built up anger/stress about always being responsible for going "home" to see my family. How did you stop feeling guilty, obligated, or responsible for visiting? More details:<br> <br> - I am 29 and just got married last year, though these issues have bugged me before the marriage so that's not causing it.<br> <br> -"Family" includes mom, only sibling, grandparents, aunts/uncles... they all live where I grew up<br> <br> - I left "home" six years ago, but three of those were spent in grad school... I feel like my family thought of that as still being "away for school" and not "an actual adult living on her own"<br> <br> - during this time I/ wife and I have always flown there to visit, once during the holiday season and almost always, once in the summer. Since we got engaged we've rotated holidays with my in-laws. We also have a dog, so on top of the plane tickets we have to pay a dog sitter while we're gone. So I/we have bought two flights a year, every year.<br> <br> <br> - I feel like they rarely express gratitude or even acknowledgment for the visits. I think part of this is Midwestern stoicism, but I feel like they just expect us to "come home" by now and rarely act excited or grateful. It's getting to the point where I feel like all of our visits are just tinged by more sadness that we don't live there, we hardly ever visit, than being happy that we ARE there now. <br> <br> -We don't really do anything when we visit. I'm not expecting a red carpet, and I know the point is just to catch up, but boy is it rough to visit the Midwest in the WINTER and not have your own car and try to suggest things to do while you're there for 5+ days and everybody's just like "ehhhh" and so you eat leftovers and watch TV. That's fine for a day or two, but if that's most of the trip... I don't really look forward to it. And if you do take the car and go somewhere you feel guilty for not spending time with them, which was the whole point of the trip. <br> <br> - I don't really feel like it will help to talk this out with my family, because again with the stoicism, and they will just say that it's easier for me to come there because everyone else is there, and it's too hard for them to travel ,or too expensive, or Tradition, or whatever. <br> <br> - My wedding was long distance for my family, and they did come out for that.<br> <br> -.... which proves that it is not literally impossible for any of them to afford to or plan to visit. My mom has been on a tight income for many years, and I get that, but I bought two plane tickets every year on a GRAD STUDENT STIPEND. I wouldn't have expected her to afford every year, but I know she could have budgeted a trip or two if she planned it out.<br> <br> <br> <br> - I have tried to suggest that people come visit us and this is either completely brushed off/ignored or excuses are made. I have offered (and maybe I need to be more blunt) to buy them tickets TO VISIT US. <br> <br> <br> - I don't think they even deliberately mean to, but there are now years worth of "guilts" that I moved away that are just eating at me. (For example, a family member sent us an anniversary card that literally said "wish you lived closer so we could see you more often".... after frequent mopey remarks about how short our visits are when we DO come out) I don't think it's deliberate... but.... it rankles me to get that after six years of visits that were all planned by me.<br> <br> - So now this is built up to the point where every time we plan a trip to see my family, of course I'm happy to see them, but I'm also resentful and angry that once again we are taking the time/effort/money to visit and I don't feel like they're even cognizant that we shoulder all the effort. Plus the lack of enthusiasm for planning anything to do, even at our suggestion. Plus the moping (that maybe I have unfairly internalized) that we don't visit more, our visits are so short, etc etc.<br> <br> <br> <br> <br> This is coming to a head because it's our rotation to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and a bigger part of me than usual just wants to stay home. We would be happy to host visitors if anyone wants to come visit US, but that will never happen.<br> <br> So how do I get over all this? Am I being selfish? Is there a way to work on my own feelings without having to have "a talk" with them, which I think will probably be fruitless? How do I get better at accepting that they may never visit us, and dealing with my feelings of guilt/obligation to visit them? Will this just get better with time? (Kids are not in the immediate future, so that won't be a reason to change our visiting dynamic). How do I deal with the inevitable, if subtle, guilt trip that we're visiting my in laws for Christmas, so we "owe" Thanksgiving to them?<br> <br> I love them, and I want to see them, and it sucks that instead of being happy to plan visits I have all these gross feelings about it.,2014:site.270722 Wed, 29 Oct 2014 10:09:06 -0800 nakedmolerats What's the best place to buy a heritage turkey in Los Angeles? Planning ahead for Thanksgiving dinner in a new city. On Long Island my parents used to go to a local turkey farm where you could choose your bird and they'd slaughter it fresh for you. I'd love something similar in the Los Angeles area; failing that, I'm looking for the best place where I can reserve a fresh, heritage bird -- happy to pay extra for it.,2014:site.270339 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:50:36 -0800 tweebiscuit PHL connection time? On Thanksgiving Wednesday, we'll arrive at the Philadelphia airport, probably at terminal F (US Airways) at 8:15 in the morning. We leave 80 minutes later, probably from terminal B (US Airways, again). No checked luggage, pre-cleared for customs, just pick up bags and run. Given Thanksgiving craziness and picking up the shuttle to C-16 so we stay inside security, is this still doable? When does it become Thanksgiving hectic? Never been in the US during Thanksgiving, have no idea what to expect in re: connection time.,2014:site.267184 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 15:54:13 -0800 flibbertigibbet low down on thansgiving travel and suggestions of where to go Is traveling over Thanksgiving weekend as bad as everyone says? Since I didn't move to the US until college, I don't have any attachment to Thanksgiving. Usually I get invited to a friend's house for dinner but since I have a little bit of vacation time saved up, I was thinking of tacking on 3-4 extra days around the holiday to actually go somewhere. Is it a bad idea to try and travel during thanksgiving weekend? I always hear horror stories about traveling then but I've never actually done it myself. Would flying out on Thursday be the least busiest day to travel? I'm in Seattle and would love to go somewhere in Europe for a quick trip. I'm thinking maybe Amsterdam, Copenhagen or maybe Paris but I'm open to suggestions! I've been to London, Madrid, Barcelona, Lisbon, Rome, Florence and Prague so I probably don't want to repeat those places.,2014:site.267132 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 17:59:35 -0800 zw98105 Fiction featuring Thanksgiving gatherings? What are some examples of works of fiction (e.g. novels, movies) that feature a Thanksgiving family gathering as a major plot element? What are some examples of works of fiction (e.g. novels, movies) that feature a Thanksgiving family gathering as a major plot element?<br> <br> I'm looking for works that use the setting of the Thanksgiving holiday as a canvas to explore family dynamics and relationships between family members -- conflicts, longstanding resentments, cultural differences, grief and loss, etc.<br> <br> Two that I have in mind are Jonathan Franzen's <em>The Corrections</em>, and (from what I can tell as I have not read it), <em>May We Be Forgiven</em> by A.M. Homes.,2013:site.252847 Sat, 30 Nov 2013 11:18:22 -0800 Asparagus