The Life You've Always Wanted: Six Sessions on Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People

(DVD - Jan 2005)
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In the six-session small group Bible study DVD, The Life You ve Always Wanted, John Ortberg guides you and your group through the spiritual disciplines and teaches you how they can transform your spiritual life.

What does true spiritual life really look like? And what keeps you from living it? What can you do to pursue it?

If you re tired of the status quo if you suspect there s more to Christianity than what you ve experienced John Ortberg invites you to join him on a road to transformation and spiritual vigor that anyone can take.

Cultivate new intimacy and confidence in prayer. Discover the freedom of secrecy. Taste the benefits of slowing life s frenetic pace. Learn how to be guided by the Holy Spirit and much more.

As in a marathon, the secret lied not in trying hard, but in training consistently. Proven by followers of Jesus over the centuries, the spiritual disciplines are exercises that strengthen your endurance race on the road to growth.

This DVD is designed for use together with The Life You ve Always Wanted Participant Guide (sold separately). When used together, they provide you with a practical tool that can grow your faith.

Sessions include:
1. It s Morphing Time
2. Slowing Down and Celebrating
3. Praying and Confessing
4. Meditating on Scripture and Seeking Guidance
5. Practicing Servanthood, Finding Freedom
6. Going the Distance with a Well-Ordered Heart"


  • SKU: 9780310261780
  • UPC: 025986261788
  • SKU10: 0310261783
  • Title: The Life You've Always Wanted: Six Sessions on Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People
  • Series: Zondervangroupware(tm) Small Group Edition Zondervangroupwar
  • Qty Remaining Online: 2
  • Publisher: Zondervan
  • Date Published: Jan 2005
  • DVD Region: Region 1 - USA and Canada Only
  • Weight lbs: 0.28
  • Dimensions: 7.48" L x 5.30" W x 0.57" H

Chapter Excerpt

Chapter One

It's "Morphing" Time


The good news as Jesus preached it is that now it is possible for ordinary men and women to live in the presence and under the power of God It is not about the minimal entrance requirements for getting into heaven when you die. It is about the glorious redemption of human life-your life. It's morphing time. -John Ortberg

Questions To Think About

1. To be transformed means to be changed, and transformation is taking place all around us all the time. What examples of transformation-of any sort-come to mind?

2. What is required for transformations such as those you have mentioned to occur?

3. Although we use the term spiritual transformation, we often use it casually without giving it much thought. Describe what spiritual transformation means to you.

4. What do you consider to be the indicators of spiritual transformation? How can we tell if another person has experienced a spiritual transformation?

Video Observations

Life: disappointment and hope

We shall "morph" indeed


Trying harder versus training wisely

Video Highlights

1. What is the hope of the Christian gospel as John Ortberg describes it?

2. An important concept in The Life You've Always Wanted is that we are always being transformed; we are always changing for better or for worse. This happens physically and, although it's less obvious, spiritually. How might some of our daily practices cause us to be "formed" spiritually in one direction or another?

3. Why did Jesus so strongly challenge pseudo-transformation and the rabbis' "boundary markers" regarding dietary laws, the Sabbath, and circumcision?

4. In what ways does pseudo-transformation creep into churches today, and what are its damaging effects? Can you identify any "boundary markers" in your church?

Large Group Exploration

Pseudo-Transformation vs. Morphing

When our lives are not marked by genuine, God-directed spiritual change, we tend to look for substitute ways to distinguish ourselves from those we consider to be less spiritual. We adopt boundary markers-highly visible, relatively superficial practices intended to quickly separate the "insiders" from the "outsiders." These boundary markers may include conformity to specified forms of dress and speech, adherence to certain rules of behavior, participation in prescribed activities, and so on. They provide a false sense of security and superiority.

The religious leaders of Jesus' day focused a great deal of their attention on boundary markers. Many of their conflicts with Jesus occurred because Jesus took a radically different approach to assessing spirituality. Instead of focusing on visible indicators of spiritual transformation, Jesus focused on what was happening in the heart. His concern was whether or not people were being transformed and growing in their love of God and love of people. His concern was whether or not they were "morphing" into the masterpieces God created them to be.

Let's consider these opposing perspectives on spiritual transformation.

1. Read Matthew 12:1-2; 15:1-2; Luke 18:11-12. Note the types of spiritual behaviors the religious leaders of Jesus' day considered important. What was Jesus' assessment of their spirituality? (See Mark 7:5-8.)

2. What did Jesus say that no doubt shocked the religious leaders? (Read Matthew 21:28-32.)

3. Instead of focusing on external religious practices, what did Jesus emphasize? (Read Luke 10:25-28; John 13:34-35.)

4. What is the evidence of true spiritual transformation in our lives? (Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-7.)

5. Now let's consider "morphing." The word morph comes from the Greek word morphoo, which means "the inward and real formation of the essential nature of a person." The term was used to describe the formation and growth of an embryo in a mother's body.

The kind of spiritual transformation God wants each of us to experience is a complete "remaking" of our nature. He wants us to see, feel, think, and do what Jesus would if he were in our unique place. What makes such a transformation possible, and why is it important? (See Romans 6:3-14; 2 Corinthians 5:17-20; Ephesians 2:10.)

6. Another form of the word morph is used in the phrase "until Christ is formed in you" in Galatians 4:19. This word, summorphizo, means "to have the same form as another, to shape a thing into a durable likeness."

Our spiritual growth is to be a molding process, a process whereby we are shaped in the image of Christ. Notice what the following verses reveal about the process of spiritual growth God accomplishes within each Christian.

a. Galatians 4:19

b. Colossians 3:5-10

c. 2 Corinthians 3:18

7. In Romans 12:2, Paul used the word metamorphoo, from which we get the English word metamorphosis. The emphasis is that we don't simply learn to do things in a new way, we become the kind of people who are that way. How does this transformation come about?


Chapter One


The Hope of Transformation

Now, with God's help, I shall become myself. Søren Kierkegaard

I could not quiet that pearly ache in my heart that I diagnosed as the cry of home. Pat Conroy

I am disappointed with myself. I am disappointed not so much with particular things I have done as with aspects of who I have become. I have a nagging sense that all is not as it should be.

Some of this disappointment is trivial. I wouldn't have minded getting a more muscular physique. I can't do basic home repairs. So far I haven't shown much financial wizardry.

Some of this disappointment is neurotic. Sometimes I am too concerned about what others think of me, even people I don't know.

Some of this disappointment, I know, is worse than trivial; it is simply the sour fruit of self-absorption. I attend a high school reunion and can't choke back the desire to stand out by looking more attractive or having achieved more impressive accomplishments than my classmates. I speak to someone with whom I want to be charming, and my words come out awkward and pedestrian. I am disappointed in my ordinariness. I want to be, in the words of Garrison Keillor, named "Sun-God, King of America, Idol of Millions, Bringer of Fire, The Great Haji, Thun-Dar the Boy Giant."

But some of this disappointment in myself runs deeper. When I look in on my children as they sleep at night, I think of the kind of father I want to be. I want to create moments of magic, I want them to remember laughing until the tears flow, I want to read to them and make the books come alive so they love to read, I want to have slow, sweet talks with them as they're getting ready to close their eyes, I want to sing them awake in the morning. I want to chase fireflies with them, teach them to play tennis, have food fights, and hold them and pray for them in a way that makes them feel cherished.

I look in on them as they sleep at night, and I remember how the day really went: I remember how they were trapped in a fight over checkers and I walked out of the room because I didn't want to spend the energy needed to teach them how to resolve conflict. I remember how my daughter spilled cherry punch at dinner and I yelled at her about being careful as if she'd revealed some deep character flaw; I yelled at her even though I spill things all the time and no one yells at me; I yelled at her-to tell the truth-simply because I'm big and she's little and I can get away with it. And then I saw that look of hurt and confusion in her eyes, and I knew there was a tiny wound on her heart that I had put there, and I wished I could have taken those sixty seconds back. I remember how at night I didn't have slow, sweet talks, but merely rushed the children to bed so I could have more time to myself. I'm disappointed.

And it's not just my life as a father. I am disappointed also for my life as a husband, friend, neighbor, and human being in general. I think of the day I was born, when I carried the gift of promise, the gift given to all babies. I think of that little baby and what might have been: the ways I might have developed mind and body and spirit, the thoughts I might have had, the joy I might have created.

I am disappointed that I still love God so little and sin so much. I always had the idea as a child that adults were pretty much the people they wanted to be. Yet the truth is, I am embarrassingly sinful. I am capable of dismaying amounts of jealousy if someone succeeds more visibly than I do. I am disappointed at my capacity to be small and petty. I cannot pray for very long without my mind drifting into a fantasy of angry revenge over some past slight I thought I had long since forgiven or some grandiose fantasy of achievement. I can convince people I'm busy and productive and yet waste large amounts of time watching television.

These are just some of the disappointments. I have other ones, darker ones, that I'm not ready to commit to paper. The truth is, even to write these words is a little misleading, because it makes me sound more sensitive to my fallenness than I really am. Sometimes, although I am aware of how far I fall short, it doesn't even bother me very much. And I am disappointed at my lack of disappointment.

Where does this disappointment come from? A common answer in our day is that it is a lack of self-esteem, a failure to accept oneself. That may be part of the answer, but it is not the whole of it, not by a long shot. The older and wiser answer is that the feeling of disappointment is not the problem, but a reflection of a deeper problem-my failure to be the person God had in mind when he created me. It is the "pearly ache" in my heart to be at home with the Father.

Universal Disappointment

One of the most profound statements I have heard about the human condition was one I first encountered when I was only five years old. It was spoken by my hero, Popeye the Sailor Man. When he was frustrated or wasn't sure what to do or felt inadequate, Popeye would simply say, "I yam what I yam."

Popeye was not a sophisticated guy. He had never been in therapy and was woefully out of touch with his shadow self and his inner child. He did not have much education as far as we know. He knew who he was: a simple, sea-faring, pipe-smoking, Olive Oyl-loving sailor man, and he wouldn't pretend to be anything else. He "owned his story," as Lewis Smedes puts it. "I yam what I yam."

But I always thought there was a note of sadness in Popeye's expression. It was generally offered as an explanation of his shortcomings. It does not anticipate much growth or change. It doesn't leave him much of a shot at getting to be what he yam not. "Don't get your hopes up," he seemed to say. "Don't expect too much. I yam what I yam-and [he would add in his bleakest moments] that's all that I yam."

That is the sad cry of the human race. You have said those words, in your own way, and so have I. This is the struggle between disappointment and hope.

Dis-appointing God

The word itself is apt: I am in a state of dis-appointment. I am missing the life that I was appointed by God to live-missing my calling. And I have dis-appointed God. I have removed him from the central role he longs to play in my life; I have refused to "let God be God" and have appointed myself in his place. I yam what I yam.

But that's not all that I am. I am called to become the person God had in mind when he originally designed me. This is what is behind Kierkegaard's wonderful prayer, "And now Lord, with your help I shall become myself." This book is about spiritual growth. It is about that holy and mysterious process described by the apostle Paul when he said he was "in the pain of childbirth until Christ is formed in you." The goal of such growth is to live as if Jesus held unhindered sway over our bodies. Of course, it is still we doing the living. We are called by God to live as our uniquely created selves-our temperament, our gene pool, our history. But to grow spiritually means to live increasingly as Jesus would in our unique place-to perceive what Jesus would perceive if he looked through our eyes, to think what he would think, to feel what he would feel, and therefore to do what he would do.

The goal of this book is to help us to grow spiritually. But it is hard to write about spiritual formation in a way that captures the urgency of the subject. Too often people think about their "spiritual lives" as just one more aspect of their existence, alongside and largely separate from their "financial lives" or their "vocational lives." Periodically they may try to "get their spiritual lives together" by praying more regularly or trying to master another spiritual discipline. It is the religious equivalent of going on a diet or trying to stick to a budget.

The truth is that the term spiritual life is simply a way of referring to one's life-every moment and facet of it-from God's perspective. Another way of saying it is this: God is not interested in your "spiritual life." God is just interested in your life. He intends to redeem it.

God's Work of Art

One of the great works of art in the Western world is Michelangelo'sPietà, a marble statue of an anguished Mary holding the crucified Christ. Some years ago a fanatic nationalist rushed upon the masterpiece and began smashing it with a sledgehammer. Although the damage was significant, Vatican artists were able to restore the statue to near-perfect condition.

You were created to be a masterpiece of God. Paul writes, "For we are God's poiema"-a word that can mean God's "workmanship," or even God's "work of art." God made you to know oneness with him and with other human beings. God made you to be co-regent with him-to "fill the earth and subdue it," to "have dominion" over creation under his reign and with his help. It is the goodness of God's work in creating us that makes our fallenness so tragic. This is why my disappointment in myself runs so deep.

But God is determined to overcome the defacing of his image in us. His plan is not simply to repair most of our brokenness. He wants to make us new creatures. So the story of the human race is not just one of universal disappointment, but one of inextinguishable hope.

Inextinguishable Hope and the Gospel

Frederick Buechner once wrote that every age has produced fairy tales. Something inside us believes, or wants to believe, that the world as we know it is not the whole story. We long for the reenchantment of reality. We hope that death is not the end, that the universe is something more than an enclosed terrarium. So we keep spinning and repeating stories that hold the promise of another world.

But these stories don't simply demand that another world exists. A common feature of fairy tales is that the enchanted world is not far away. You step into a wardrobe and you're in Narnia. You walk through a forest and stumble on a cottage with seven dwarfs. This other world turns out to be far closer than you thought.

In fact, the stories that endure are the ones that most deeply touch this longing inside us. Buechner quotes J. R. R. Tolkien:

It is the mark of the good fairy-story, of the higher or more complete kind, that however wild its events, however fantastic or terrible the adventures, it can give to the child or man that hears it, when the "turn" comes, a catch of the breath, a beat and lifting of the heart, near to (or indeed accompanied by) tears, as keen as that given by any form of literary art.

Furthermore, fairy tales are not just stories about the transformation of the world around us. They are usually about the transformation of the central characters: frogs becoming princes, ugly ducklings becoming swans, wooden marionettes becoming real boys. George MacDonald gives to his hero, Curdie, the magical gift of being able to tell by the touch of someone's hand what he or she is turning into.

These are all features, Buechner says, that the gospel has in common with fairy tales, with this one great difference: The gospel is true.

Jesus' announcement of the gospel is simply the announcement of the existence and availability of another dimension of existence, another world. "The kingdom of God has come near," he said. "Repent, and believe in the good news." The Good News-the word we translate "gospel"-is that this fallen world as we know it is not the whole story. There is another realm. It is as real as the chair I sit in and the book you read.

These words of Jesus announce the great "turn" in the history of the world. The lid is off the terrarium. Anytime someone heard Jesus say them-really heard them-these words would bring a catch of the breath, a beating and uplifting of the heart, and sometimes tears. They still do.

The good news is especially that this world-the kingdom of God-is closer than you think. It is available to ordinary men and women. It is available to people who have never thought of themselves as religious or spiritual. It is available to you. You can live in it-now.

This means in part that your story is the story of transformation. You will not always be as you are now; the day is coming when you will be something incomparably better-or worse.

C. S. Lewis expressed that hope this way:


This is why Jesus came. This is what spiritual life is about. This is your calling-to become what Lewis calls an "everlasting splendor."

The Need to "Turn Aside"

God holds out the possibility of transformation. One day when the human race had not heard a word of hope for a long time, a man named Moses walked past a shrub. He had seen it before, perhaps a hundred times. Only this time it was different. This time the "turn" comes; this time the wardrobe opens into Narnia; this time the bush is on fire with the presence of God.

And Moses said, "I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up." Everything turned on Moses' being willing to "turn aside"-to interrupt his daily routine to pay attention to the presence of God. He didn't have to. He could have looked the other way, as many of us would. He would have just missed the Exodus, the people of Israel, his calling, the reason for his existence. He would have missed knowing God.

But he didn't miss it. He stopped. He "turned aside."

God said he wanted to begin a new community of human existence, and he wanted Moses to lead it. He wanted Moses to go to Pharaoh, the commander-in-chief of a superpower, and tell him that his vast Israelite labor force is no longer available.

But God's sense of timing seemed strange to Moses. Forty years ago maybe-forty years ago he was young and strong and the product of the greatest education the advanced civilization of Egypt could produce. Forty years ago he had powerful connections and high hopes.



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