Blogs from Lori Dake - PaganSquare - Join the conversation! Sat, 27 Dec 2014 08:44:15 -0800 Joomla! - Open Source Content Management en-gb All topics can be divisive

With all that has happened in the last week regarding the Ferguson indictment decision, a lot of back burner issues have come to the forefront and is now boiling over. Everyone has an opinion. Some folks are clearly staying out of it for numerous reasons, some are tap-dancing around the root causes and others are bluntly stating their positions. I'm sure you have your own thoughts on the matter at large, the repercussions, the back story and so on. Even those I know who do not involve themselves with "other people's drama" and never watch the news or read articles, unless something directly pertains to them, will eventually have an opinion.

It is why I find it interesting a Pagan news source has stated they will no longer cover divisive topics. It seems to me when you use the word "News" in your name, you are expected to provide all the news and not just cherry-pick which topics will keep things civil. Not only that, but really, if you have more than a handful of people commenting on any topic, you are going to get a discussion, and discussions come from personal viewpoints - many of which can be divisive due to being based on opinion. Here is my example:

Recipe for Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

2 slices white bread

2 tablespoons peanut butter

2 tablespoons grape jelly

Place bread on a plate. With a butter knife, smear peanut butter on one slice, wiping knife clean onto other bread slice. With same knife, smear jelly on second slice of bread. Put two pieces of bread together, peanut butter and jelly facing each other, then cut sandwich diagonally. Serve. Makes 1 serving.

Now comes the comments:

- Alternatives to peanut butter? My son has an allergy.

- What brand of peanut butter? I don't want GMOs or support a company that uses them in any of their products.

- Does anyone have a suggestion for gluten-free bread?

- Can it be any kind of jelly? What about preserves? I don't like grape jelly.

- Is the bread vegan?

- I grew up with PB&Js and now can't stand them. What about bananas and honey?

- Where can I get fair trade bananas and raw local honey at this time of year?

- I can't afford all of this. Why can't we just stick with peanut butter and grape jelly? The generic kind?



Do you see where I'm going with this? It's easy to see why some people post nothing but kitten pictures or just post links to their businesses. Or, you'll see people delete comments and even unfriend and block people. Over PB&Js. I'm not even talking about something like Ferguson. And, if you don't take a position, you risk getting unfriended anyway, just because you can't not have one.

So I ask you: Where do we go from here? Do we have to take a position? Do we have to care? Or should I follow the advice of the sales guru and not get involved in other people's drama? Where does the line become blurred and other people's drama become more?


(And for the record. I hate grape jelly. I go for orange marmalade! I also don't like peanut butter, but once in a while, I get a craving for it.)

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Tue, 02 Dec 2014 08:08:30 -0800
2014 Samhain Resolution

Samhain is sometimes called the Witches New Year, as it's considered the beginning of the dark half of the year. Back in the day, it was a time for the final harvest (animals) and bracing for the cold months ahead. I'm a city girl, so many of the ancient traditions just don't work with me. Bonfire? Not without driving out to the sticks and either renting a cabin or freezing to death in a tent. Slaughtering animals? Yeahhh... no. Jewel does a pretty good job of that, but we do thank the animals when we eat. Battoning down the hatches? Oh, do you mean like when the landlord sent guys over to replace our windows a couple of weeks ago? Does that count? Storing up food? I've got coupons and pantry for that! And yes, there's a first aid kit and a blanket in the trunk with at least a half tank of gas at all times, plus I have my AAA card, credit cards and some cash in my wallet. That's how I prepare for winter!

On the secular calendar, it's tradition for many people to make a New Year's resolution, which oftentimes fail miserably. Besides the fact many of the resolutions are impossibly vague in the sense the issue to resolve has no specifics in attaining them (e.g., "I'm going to lose weight!", "I'm going to quit smoking!" or even "I'm going to restart my life!"), many resolutions are made while tipsy and/or because it's the popular thing to do. Therefore, I believe a resolution made on a religious holiday holds more weight, simply because you're not just telling yourself and your friends what you're doing, you're making a promise to deities - you are oath-bound!

I'm more of a secular/agnostic Pagan, I guess you could say, especially compared to my Polytheist friends, possibly because in the 19 years I've been Pagan, I've never had that type of relationship - and not from a lack of trying. Meh, I figure if They want to have a sit-down with me, that will certainly happen. However, one thing my dad used to say, who was an Agnostic, was it's arrogant to not have faith in something, because the universe is just too big for it all to be an accident, and we're not as smart as we think we are. With that being said, I put faith in the Other, those who work the special effects to my magick. And if I make a promise on a day like today, then I consider that a promise that is absolute. It must be fulfilled to the best of my ability.

Last year at Samhain, my resolution was to be less judgmental. I knew better than to declare I would not be judgy, because hey - I'm human, and I'm bound to make a frowny face about something at some point. I am a pretty strong on the bookkeeping side of things, so I did a review of the last year on how I've done. And guess what - I definitely succeeded, but of course I have a long way to go.

The easiest way to track my judginess is with my job. As many of you know, I'm a leasing agent here in Chicago, which means I'm the real estate agent that posts ads in the apartments section of Craigslist all the time, hoping you'll like what you see and give me a call. Since last year, the amount of clients (landlords) I work with have increased by almost 50%, and I've already surpassed my total income for the year with two full months left to go. Not. Too. Shabby. But that was the easy thing to look at.

I then reviewed all of the leases I've signed, and I started to recall the people behind the names. Some of them - their stories were definitely beyond the scope of my initial training three years ago. (Has it been that long already?) I've been taking on more low-income areas, and I've realized how much more rewarding it is. Sure, I still have some pretty sweet digs on my pipeline (like the one bedroom loft in Wicker Park with all the bells and whistles for $1700 a month), but my heart lies with helping people who just need a little more help to help themselves.

Being less judgy too has helped in my personal life, thereby making me a happier person. This is not to say I don't question things, because I certainly do, but I ask with genuine curiosity. For example, I wonder sometimes if one person writes a piece about how his feelings were hurt, and the piece states we should all side with him, I question if it's really a case of over-sensitivity by an individual, or if he's got a point about us needing to correct something. And, even if it's just the one person being a bit too thin-skinned, I do try to see his point.

At the same time, if someone is being outright rude to me directly, I find it's best to simply block the person (if it's online), to nod and smile, or to politely yet sternly state the behavior is unacceptable. An example of the latter would be like a current tenant who started screaming at me due to an issue she was having with the landlord, which of course had nothing to do with me. (She was so loud, you could hear her outside the building!) I said to her, very calmly and with a smile, not to yell at me, and I am just trying to do my job (which was to take pictures and measurements). It worked, temporarily, and I felt good about how that was handled.

So yes, I feel I have satisfactory held up to my end of the promise, and I will continue to work on being less judgy. I can't say if I'll ever be completely without judgment, but it's a strong work in progress! In addition to that, this year I resolve to be better at the whole green thing. That is a toughie for me, because I go through an enormous amount of paper in spite of cutting back where I can (applications, leases, etc.), I love my scalding-hot 45 minute showers, our groceries consist of what's on sale and (hopefully) combined with coupons, and yeah, we buy a lot of brand name cleaners that require little to no elbow grease. It'll be a little harder to track my progress on that, but we shall see next year at this time how we do.

Have you thought of a Samhain resolution? It has to be something you know in your heart you will not give up once Yule rolls around, because as I mentioned, a Samhain resolution is oath-bound. Oh, and Pinkie Pie is watching you! (And your gods! And your ancestors!)

Blessed Samhain to you and yours!

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Fri, 31 Oct 2014 14:59:32 -0700
Preparing for the Dark Half of the Year

As many of you know, my main form of financial security is renting apartments for landlords here in Chicago. It's really an exciting job, and it's one that does more than just pay the bills. At the same time, I'm helping people with a basic need: Shelter. (it's one of the Big Three I've heard; Food and Clothing being the other two.) Oftentimes, I show apartments while people are still living there, and it's always fun to learn new ways to decorate and make the best use of space. It also teaches me what not to do, based on my personal preferences.

Over the years, my husband Ron and I have played with all kinds of styles for our own brand of interior design, based on our budget, what we like and what makes sense. I know there's professionals out there, I'm working for one right now in fact, but at the end of the day, all of that advice means nothing if I don't like it and/or it doesn't serve its purpose. We have our own set of rules when it comes to interior design, which in many cases mimics the standards, but we do so with a Pagan eye for detail.

We like the modern look - straight lines, bold colors and so on - being the big city folk that we are, and yet we try to incorporate homey comfort and Nature in just about everything. We work a lot of hours, and when we finally get a chance to breathe, we want to walk in and feel at ease within five minutes.There are two times of year where we focus on organized comfort, the Spring and Fall equinoxes, so I thought it would be worthwhile to share with you some of our thoughts.

Ron is a very neat and tidy kind of a guy, so he really stresses on the modern look which includes coordination and clean slates. Very little is on the tables when not in use, everything gets dusted, swept and vacuumed regularly, shoes are lined up, clothes are put away after being washed, and yes, the bed gets made with tight corners every morning.Needless to say, our place is showroom quality at all times; I can have company come over with only 15 minutes of notice without fretting over it.

It's a far cry from how I was raised, let me tell you! My office, which I claimed the second bedroom after our son got his own place, does not meet up to his standards, but it's not terrible. I'll let papers stack up for a couple of weeks before they're filed away or shredded, and my trash bin will sit until it really needs to be taken out. Even so, it's not terrible, like I said. At least I tell myself that. I thank him for keeping my messy habits in check, because I always feel better when everything is in its proper place.


(It ain't perfect, but it's a pleasant work environment!)

I read articles all the time on both organization and design, but like I said, I keep our taste in mind and am ever-mindful of our values as Pagans. Think about it: How many books and articles have you read where it talks about keeping your home clean? In the Wicca 101-type books, it's somewhere in the first chapter or two. And yet, many Pagans I know, in person and online, often mention how their homes are lived-in and even downright messy. I don't judge, but it had me wondering why that is.

The simple answer is we Pagans are DIYers, and going it alone, even if we're part of covens, means we have more stuff that needs places to put it all. And that stuff is often handmade, so the craft materials start to multiply by themselves. Urban Pagans often do not have the necessary space to hold all of that stuff, so the mess becomes that much more obvious. But what are we supposed to do about it?

Here are some guidelines I've been following over the years that have helped immensely for us to have that showroom quality apartment people often mistake for a fancy condo:


(Here's a shot of our living room. Iris approves, but I admit my photography skills could be better.)

Throw. It. Out: However you get rid of it, do it. If you don't need it, you don't absolutely love it, or if it doesn't make you money, get rid of it.

- Go through your home and resell, donate or upcycle everything. Yes, that includes books. We keep some books, like the ones where I feel have rereading material (for me, that would be recipes), and ones that just make me tickled to have, but most of them get donated or sold on eBay.

- Go through your closets and get rid of the clothes you haven't worn in a year.

- Toss or repair that nasty sofa you can't stand. (Ours was a throw-away, ugly pattern, and we made it gorgeous by putting a black slip cover over it and sewed bold-colored microsuede on the cushions.)

- Swap things like extra craft supplies you don't see yourself using anytime soon for stuff you need now.

Paint!: If you can, paint the walls in colors that will make you want to show them off instead of covering them up. For our living room (or as we Chicagoans say, the frunchroom), we painted the walls sage green with chocolate trim in order to mimic the woods - leaves and bark. We also have a huge fireplace, decorative only, that was also eggshell white when we moved in. Instead of blending into the white walls, I took a sea sponge and some red paint and brought out the brick, making it look real again. I painted the wood trim chestnut so it looked like a mantle again. Unlike many Pagans I know, my favorite holiday is Yule, and that red brick mantle with the sage green walls sure does feel really festive once I'm done decorating! We even went so far as to buy a fake fire to put in there, which adds to the illusion. And yes, it is very romantic.


(Above, you can see what I did with the mantle as well as color choices.)

For our bedroom, we wanted it to be dramatic, so we went with red walls, burgundy to be specific (same as the fireplace) and chestnut trim (the mantle). See what we did there? We saved money on paint as well as had colors carry over from one room to the next. And for my office, I wanted Spirit to be front and center while I'm working, so I painted the walls a deep purple and left the trim the eggshell white the apartment came with. I'm no green thumb, but I wanted foliage, so I bought realistic fake ivy I hung in baskets as well as a fake tree to accent the corner. (I keep the dust off with a product called Leaf Shine; I spray it on once a month.)

Organization: So you've got rid of a bunch of stuff and painted the walls, so now it's time to put everything that's left to good use. I'm big on making fancy meals on an Aldi budget, so I'm crazy about spices. I have the cupboard nearest the stove dedicated to them, and needful things like Ron's fancy coffee in there, and it's set up so I don't have to dig very much to get what I need. We've done that with everything. My magickal herbs have its own place, my teas their spot, Ron's video games have dedicated space, and so on. We also did a lot of upgrading, too. Target came out with classic board games that look like books, and that made so much sense to me. Never again will the shoe piece from Monopoly get lost, and they sure look cool on the top bookshelf compared to being in worn-out cardboard boxes duct-taped on the corners and stacked on top of each other.


(Just some of my stuff! I keep the magickal/medicinal herbs separate, as I'm sure people appreciate I don't add a dash of black nightshade because it was next to the cilantro! Or if they hate cilantro, maybe that's better?)

Remember though, when you're organizing, do what makes sense to you, and do it in a way that is aesthetically pleasing. Two birds, one stone. Don't be afraid to change things around! One of the things I've done is move all of my ritual gear into my office on an old CD shelving system. To the nonPagan at first glance, it just looks like a cute curio shelf with odds and ends, this and that. It's allowed to be a little more free-form and out on display because it's all together. Larger pieces like Ron's athame, we placed them inside the mantle's bookcase doors as museum-style statement pieces, kind of like a museum. And his favorite guitars? We put them on stands right on top of the mantle. We have high ceilings, so the necks draw the eye upward.

Lighting: Speaking of drawing the eye, lighting is an important aspect many people give the bare minimum of attention. Sure, we have a gazillion candles, probably enough to survive a week without power, but the kind you flip a switch with is just as important.You want not just the ceiling lights your place came with, but lights that come up from below, lights that shine down in certain areas, and ones for when you just need a little (or a little more). Good lighting will boost your mood, especially during the winter months. It's good for your spirit!

Our apartment does not have a formal dining room, so we made the best of the ridiculously huge living room we have by getting a two-top pub table. It's higher than the couch in front of it, and it's right in front of a wall of windows, so we can have a nice meal either watching the world go by or watch a good movie. But when we added the table, I felt it was missing something... special. So, I added strings of tiny lights - just enough so we could see what we're eating, but dark enough if we're having a special meal. We don't go out to eat often, but the way we're set up, I could crop a photo and you'd swear that was taken at a fancy bistro.


(Above is the place setting with very little light. I love eating at home!)

Accents: It's the little things that matter, but make them count. Color of course makes everything better, just little pops here and there, and I believe in instilling my faith this way. I've already mentioned the mantle pieces, and the guitars, and so on, but we also have paintings and pictures. I wasn't raised in a family that was big on picture-taking, so the ones I do have, we went and bought small frames for them. Family, especially those who have departed from this plane, are especially important to many Pagan paths, so honoring them by giving them a special place in your home should be essential. If your family is chosen rather than by blood, that's fine, too! Put your crafty skills to work here, but try to stick with some type of theme and go with very special over "all teh things". You will feel more comfortable if your eyes focus on just a few things at a time rather than everything all at once.


(When Tiger died, it left a hole in our hearts. We have an altar just for him.)



(And above are some family photos which include members, including the four-legged variety, who are no longer with us.)

Celebrations: Around here, the big holiday we gear up for is Yule, and I start the decorating the weekend before Thanksgiving. Why so early? Because I make dinner for everyone all by my lonesome, and I do it like caterers, prep work spread out over several days, so I too can enjoy the meal instead of slaving throughout the day. And, I figure it makes our home that much more inviting and special. And even with all the extra decorations, I still curb back from All Teh Things so our home doesn't look like Walmart's holiday section didn't blow up in our living room. Needless to say, I only have one large bin for all of the decorations, plus the tree. (Yes, we do fake around here. I love the scent of pine, but I hate the needles.)


(People love the Yule diorama I do every year, and if you scroll back up, you'll see a few new pieces on the mantle I just picked up that will be added this year.)

Some people decorate more than just their altars for every holiday. For those who go with the Wiccan Wheel of the Year, that's eight holidays to set up for on a regular schedule. Keep your decorations pared down to one bin per holiday, and keep the bins in storage - be it the back closet you don't really go into otherwise or a storage locker. And for the love of the Gods themselves, take down your decorations when the holiday period is over. I keep Yuletide going from that weekend before until New Years, as I really love seeing the lights. But come the first week of January, even I am sick of seeing it. Mark your calendar with a time slot to do this task!

Organizing yourself: So yes, speaking of which, you have your place functional, so now it's time to get yourself together. So many people moan how much they hate PST (Pagan Standard Time), but some of the people complaining are guilty of doing just that. Many people have cell phones now that are tiny computers in their pockets. They're alarm clocks and reminders for everything. Get used to working with them, and slot yourself extra time. It's better to be early than late, and you can use the extra time on your hands to catch up on your reading, window shopping, planning or whatever. Your state of mind will be much more pleasant when you have one less thing to worry about.

And yeah - that too: Stop worrying! I got out of this habit years ago, and it's made me a happier person. If you're doing the absolute best you can with what you have, and you are constantly improving on what it is you have, then that's all anyone can ask of you. Ending the cycle of worry starts at home, living in a clean, healthy and clutter-free environment. So go back to the beginning of this article and see where you can improve. It's a constant work in progress for us, but it's goal-oriented. It's not about having nice stuff, but stuff that is meaningful for our spirits.

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Fri, 19 Sep 2014 16:00:19 -0700
Chicago Pagan Pride: Are you ready?


I don't know about you, but I absolutely love Pagan Pride day! I look forward to it all year, as it's probably the biggest event in the area that doesn't cost a thing to attend. I think last year, over 500 people came by, and that's just counting the folks who signed in.

One of the things I love about it is the food drive, and we Chicagoans are big givers. The folks who put the day together work with the Greater Chicago Food Depository which is a non-religious organization who truly helps all those in need. As I posted on my Facebook today,

"I just wanted to remind folks Pagan Pride events, from its inception, was part food drive. The event has always been a non-perishable food item for admittance, but of course no one is barred from coming in.

Every year, I ask people to do more than the bare minimum. I am conversing, right now, with one of our own who is feeling low about needing to visit a food pantry, and things were not always that way. This person is far from the only one in need within our community, be it local or otherwise. I've had to use food pantries myself both growing up and when our son was small. I have never forgotten what that's like.

Now, because we are doing good financially and can definitely do more than the bare minimum, we donate one bag of groceries per household member. I'd like to think at this point in my life, I've at least broken even in giving back what we've taken over the years. But if I quit now, I would be again doing the bare minimum. I'm better than that. You're better than that. We're all better than that.

If all you can spare is one can of vegetables, see if you can shake the couch cushions to buy one more. Can you double that? How about doubling your double? What's in your cupboards that's still good but you know you're not going to use anytime soon? Remember, non-perishables also means bottled juice, spaghetti, beans, rice, instant stuff, peanut butter, jelly, granola bars, crackers, taco shells and so on!

When you go shopping for someone in need, make it a game. Clip coupons! See what you can get for $10. And hey, take pictures of your shopping cart! Bragging rights abound! And, just because you can't meet with the needy face to face, you can envision at least a smile from a stranger.

There is no greater magic(k) we can create than one that brings a smile to someone's face. So for every item, think of it as a smile.

How many smiles are you creating?"

Not only are they collecting non-perishable food items, but they're also hosting two animal rescues for reptiles and cats! And yes, there are a multitude of vendors scheduled, rituals and workshops to attend. And yes, yes, no matter how you get around, the location is perfect. There's plenty of parking nearby, including free spots, and public transportation comes in all forms (bus, Metra, L train, walking, biking, flying in on your broomstick!).

You don't have to be there all day, but we encourage every Pagan and magic(k)al person of every flavor to attend. See you soon!


Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Tue, 02 Sep 2014 09:47:58 -0700
You can't please everyone

Since my last 9-part article here on my experiences at Pagan Spirit Gathering, I've had a big change in my life. I can't talk about most of that - sorry. What I can say is I've gained some deeper insight on the Samhain resolution I made last year about being less judgmental. I will remind folks, I say less judgy, because we're all human, but just trying to honestly walk in someone's shoes is hard for so many people to do. And I say that with the inclusion of the Pagan community.

There are notable Pagans who have spent time with me in person, people of whom I've at least made an attempt to let them get to know me and of course vice versa, at the very least on some base level of agreement, who harshly judge me. These are people who won't give me the time of day. People who, on one hand shout to the hilltops we need to be accepting of everyone, who won't even acknowledge my presence unless they are forced to. And even then, they do so grudgingly and while being back-handedly polite. Does it hurt my feelings? At this point in my life, not really. In fact, I developed a mechanism to cope with not being able to be everyone's friend/acquaintance back when I was a kid. Allow me to explain:

Until I was in high school, I did not have a single friend. None. Sounds crazy, right? That may be especially true to those who know how outgoing and hard-working I am. I had won the Trifecta of Loserdom: I was the new kid nearly every year, sometimes twice in the same year. I was the painfully obvious poor kid, wearing clashy outfits from thrift stores with dirty, unstylish hair and a lack of pretty things. And, I was the weird kid. Today, I'm certain I would be labeled ADHD, but back then, sudden outbursts, drawing on everything and walking around in the classroom for no good reason was just considered weird - especially for a girl who was book-smart. But, like teen rom-coms, I was also aesthetically pleasing underneath, I had developed young and was tall, and I just needed a make-over to become popular. (And yes, I did that by getting into modeling.)

When I wasn't outright ignored, in spite of my hard grabs for attention, I too was bullied unmercifully like many readers. No matter what I did, I didn't do it right. I have a long list of mean kids, girls and boys alike, who I sometimes wish I could run into at the grocery store as my awesome self, in the middle of yet another important phone call while scouring the aisles, just to prove to them I'm better now. I belong. Maybe that resonates with you, too. Brian S. Tracy K. Erica L. Brian W. Shawn O. Charleen D. Heidi H. Gina M. Keisha B. Tamara J. And so on. (It's a pretty long list.) I haven't forgotten you. I haven't forgotten your names. I haven't forgotten your faces. And I haven't forgotten how you made my life hell. That will never go away, but I just want you to know, if you even care, I'm better now. And, I would like to think in the 25-30 years since, I can at least sit at the table behind the cool kids' table. Have I earned that much yet?

The same goes to the "cool kids" of the Pagan community who, while they haven't physically assaulted me, have treated me in some of the same ways. Like children. And as someone who's been a part of the community for nearly 20 years, I'm saddened there are still the same types of behaviors going on. I'm different - I know that - but is that any reason to blatantly ignore people who talk to you, suggest things to you, comment how they see things a little differently? And if you do give me the time of day, it's only to criticize? To make general assumptions? To judge?

I will go ahead and list all the things that make me different from many Pagans I know, and then I'm going to write a list of things where we probably have some major similarities. I then invite you to go ahead and write whatever you think in the comments if the mood strikes you.

b2ap3_thumbnail_Pagan-Con-Pro.jpgNow I know full well, the very same people "who be hatin'" will come across this article as me being a whiny bitch, or narcissistic, or whatever. No, no and no. I'm writing this because I know I'm not the only one who feels they are experiencing the same attitudes, and yes, I'm calling out the attitudes for an adjustment. People are entitled to their own opinions, but being judgy when no one is being harmed is something I have no problem calling out. You don't have to like me, even when I invoke Pinkie Pie, but Jeeze Louise, it's pretty hypocritical to hate on someone who's different than you when you demand acceptance for yourself.

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Sun, 31 Aug 2014 08:00:27 -0700
Socializing without Social Media

(Horner Park in Chicago)

Think about it for a minute: When was the last time you met up with local Pagans to do something that wasn't specifically wrapped around a ritual? Has it been a while? I'm not talking about traveling cross-country all caravan-style to attend a big festival with Big Name Pagans speaking; that doesn't count here. I'm talking about people in your own community, people who may live just a few miles away, who you may even chat with online regularly. Have you met up with some of them for coffee? Dinner? Fruit picking? A night at the show? Hanging out at someone's home? A not-specifically-Pagan drum circle even? For many of us, myself included, it's probably been a lot longer than we care to admit.

A good many of us, after Pagan Spirit Gathering, felt really off jumping back into Mundania. So, a couple of decompression brunches were put together here in Chicagoland to just get back together for a couple hours and shoot the breeze over some food. Back before social media was a major thing, which wasn't all that long ago, there were socials all over the city just like that. In fact, there were so many, it could often be daunting which ones to attend. Then came sites online like LiveJournal. Then MySpace. Then Facebook. Then Twitter. Then... well, pick your poison. It's easy to stay home, share pics of cute kitties mixed in with the Cause du Jour and maybe some personal status updates to keep things personal. It's so easy in fact it can even seem like an absolute chore to attend a large ritual.

We're all busy. I put in much more than forty hours a week myself, plus I keep a tidy home and a happy family. But when I think about it, I have to ask myself how busy am I really? Most of my day revolves around talking on the phone and meeting people - sure. But a much bigger portion of my day is sitting in my car with the ac running, playing with my fancy-pants phablet reading Facebook posts and catching up on various TV series - instead of doing work as the main motivation of buying the thing. (Right now, I'm finally watching the Breaking Bad series, and I'm torn between Jessie and Walt Jr. as my favorite characters.)

Jessie after Breaking Bad teams up with Walt Jr.

(I often wonder what becomes of Jessie after the series. Does he partner up with Walt Jr. to make the most amazing breakfast ever? Would it be a cereal that looks like blue rock candy and taste like bacon?)

I can beat myself up for that, but I have to feel like I'm not the only one being less than social via social media. I could do more, but I don't. Sometimes, I don't meet with people because I don't want to go out by myself. And sometimes, when I know it's a huge gathering that's specifically involving an open ritual, I'm honestly not feeling it for that type of energy sharing. Open rituals take a lot out of me, as they're well... open. I'm extremely extroverted, which should be right up my alley, but sharing energy with relative strangers is a toughie. I'm solitary by choice, mostly because there aren't too many people out there who see things the way I do, much less worship the way I do.

Back when there were all kind of coffee socials I could attend, I was all on that. Of course, that was back when I had a 9-5 job, and meeting up with people on a Friday or Saturday night was easy on my schedule. I was happy just to be around people who were much more like-minded, and the conversations would float from serious to straight up goofy, trivial nonsense. I don't even like coffee, so I certainly wasn't there for the food. Just being around others, in a non-committal sharing of thoughts and perspectives helped me learn a lot more than many of the books I had ever bought (and sold on eBay afterward for lack of enduring resource material).

We talked about this at the decompression, and it was decided to do just that - see if we can bring back the socials. We also took a lot of things into consideration, such as where to meet, what to do, that sort of thing. Because we Chicagoland Pagans are pretty diverse and spread out, we figured we'd try something a little different each time and in different areas around town. So the first one - with the weather being fantastic and all - we figured a potluck picnic at a large park with easy public transportation and street parking would be ideal. We actually used to have an annual picnic at the woods, though that required registering and collecting permits for that. This here, much easier solution.

And with that, here's the link to our first outing! Lammas Pagan Picnic - we called it Lammas as that's the closest holiday, but nothing formal, meaning no strong ritual-base of anything. Just good food and good people, open to all! Next month, maybe we'll get together at the Ren Faire or something!

So if you're interested and live in the vicinity, swing by on Sunday, July 27th from noon to 4pm. Bring a dish and your own dishes, and leave no trace. If you want to grill, bring your own grill (but take responsibility for the charcoal if you use it). There's lots of shade, but you can bring a canopy. You can bring a blanket, chairs, or whatever makes you comfortable. And yes, you can bring your family and friends! This is super casual!

And, if you're not in the area, why not start your own? Just getting us all together, in person, is a big deal, and if even just one other person shows up, you've made a connection that's so important. Make a suggestion to a few of your online friends. Become in-person acquaintances. Put an idea together to meet somewhere. Then - show up and hope a few others do, too. It's an absolute necessity, and hey, the fresh air will do you some good!

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Tue, 08 Jul 2014 12:51:59 -0700
My experience at Pagan Spirit Gathering 2014, Pt 9 of 9

...continued from Part 8

Sunday, June 22nd:

I woke up sad. Sad because it was the last day and people were already leaving. I got some of my stuff packed away the day before, but it still took me four hours before I could leave. I wanted to make sure I packed everything properly, not just to get it all in my car, but also so it would be less work to put away when I get home. Remember, we run a tight ship around here at home, so stuff can’t lay around forever! I worked very hard to make sure I didn’t leave little scraps and bits lying on the grass, as it just feels wrong to trash the earth that welcomed me for so long. That would be a shitty thing to do, I figure. I made a couple trips to the dumpsters, tossing out what couldn’t be salvaged, since there was no garbage pickup that day. I did some work, ate a granola bar, did some work, ate a pop tart, did some work, ate a granola bar, and so on.


Without extra hands, I knew I had a big job ahead of me, so I took my time. I wasn’t about to have anyone rush me, especially because I was kind of sad to be leaving. However, someone’s car alarm kept going off, and I found that to be strangely acclimating for my life outside of PSG. I’m sure most people were annoyed by it so early in the morning, but for me, I was hoping to hear an ambulance and an ice cream truck. See? I told you I’m a weirdo!


I was able to say some good-byes to people, but unfortunately, not to the people I wanted to the most. I drove around looking for Nels and Judy, but they were busy saying good-byes to others. They were very good to me, and I genuinely appreciated their kindness and hospitality. Thank you.


I really enjoyed the car ride home. I actually ended up following someone in an RV with Georgia plates for at least an hour before they made a turn into a public campsite. The rest of the drive was just me and Eddie, with the windows down and my hair blowing in the breeze. I got off I-55 at the California exit so I could avoid construction. The ride northbound to where I live in the Logan Square neighborhood flooded me with city life. I drove past Cook County Jail, and the impoverished areas, then I cut over to Western and went through the gentrified areas that still have some grit left in them. It was a nice journey, but I readily admit, I love living in the city – with its potholes, sirens, pollution and whatnot. I’m a weirdo. I get it.


When I got home, my husband greeted me and helped me unload. He also surprised me: He got rid of the old, crappy bookcases we’ve had for several years and replaced them with brand new ones. He spoils me! I felt really bad about bringing all of my crap inside such a lovely home, so I worked hard to get things back to normal. But that didn’t happen until Monday. I was so exhausted, and sore, and beat up. I was just happy to crawl my nasty ass into our big, silky bed sheets, in air conditioning, and nap for what seemed like forever – with my husband and our kitten snuggling with me.


I woke up with a hunger I hadn’t had in ages, and neither of us had really eaten. Even though I felt I was in no shape to dine out, we went for a sit-down meal. Wait staff is a luxury we rarely afford ourselves, because we hate spending money on food, but I think Ron felt I needed it – and I did indeed. It wasn’t the best meal I’ve ever eaten, but it was good just to have someone present me with a menu and keep my iced tea refilled. And when we got back home, I got in a scalding-hot a 45-minute shower and went back to bed.


It was a wonderful week to be certain. I made new friends – lots of them – and I pushed some personal boundaries. One of them is hugging. I’m not a hugger, but by the end of the week, I had managed to extend my gratitude and energy to a few people. Maybe next year, I’ll be just a little more open. And for that alone, I thank you, and I look forward to seeing you all again next year.

Read more]]> (Lori Dake) Culture Blogs Tue, 24 Jun 2014 13:20:54 -0700