Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 4943
Car Troubles
A software manager, a hardware manager and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says: "I can't do anything about this -- it's a hardware problem." The hardware manager says: "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself." The marketing manager says: "Hey, 75% of it is working -- let's ship it!"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4944
Read All About It
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling: "Read all about it. Today: 50 people swindled! Today: 50 people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said: "There's nothing in here about 50 people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out: "Read all about it. Today: 51 people swindled!"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4945
Little White Lie
Ted, a wealthy 70-year-old widower, shows up at a bar with a stunning 25-year-old blonde on his arm. The woman has the body of a model, has her arms endearingly locked around Ted’s torso and focuses intently on every syllable he utters. Naturally, his friends at the bar are stunned. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask: "Ted, come on, where'd you get such a beautiful babe for a girlfriend?" Ted replies: "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" Now they're completely knocked over. They continue their questioning: "Alright, how'd you get her to marry you?" "Well, I lied about my age," Ted admits. "How old did you say you were? 50?" Ted smiles and says, "Nope! I told her I was 95!”
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4946
Three Contractors
Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. The first contractor said: “I figure the job will run about $900 - that's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The second contractor announced: “I can do this job for $700 – that's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The third contractor leaned over to the White House official and whispered: “$2,700.” The incredulous White House official asked him: “How did you come up with such a high figure?” The contractor smiled and said: “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the second guy to fix the fence.”
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4947
Picture Perfect
On their first night together, a newlywed couple is getting ready for bed. The bride emerges from the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. Her proud husband says: "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh my God!" he exclaims: "You are so beautiful! Let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks: "My picture?" "Yes my dear," he says: "so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and his wife asks: "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims: "Oh my! Let me take a picture." "Why?" he asks, beaming. "So I can get it enlarged!" she says.
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4948
Irish Coffee
An old woman visits her doctor to ask for his help in reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," says the old woman: "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replies the doctor: "You've heard of Irish coffee, right?” "Yes," replies the woman. "Well," says the doctor: "make him an Irish coffee and slip Viagra into it. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." A few days later she calls the doctor and the poor dear exclaims: "Oh, faith! It was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!" "Really? What happened?" asks the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups flying, ripped my clothes to tatters and took me then and there, on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!" "Why was it so terrible?" asks the doctor confused: "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Oh, no, no, no, doctor. It was the best sex I've had in 25 years!" says the old woman: "but I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4949
Q. Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love? A. Because they have cotton balls
Ryan Murphy

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