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Intercourse not best way to bring woman to orgasm

Q: My husband and I just got married in July, and our sex was great before the wedding. Before we got married, I realized that the only way for me to have an orgasm is to get on top. But now that we are married, when I try it, it doesn't work.

Sometimes if I stay there for long time, pressing my clitoris against his body, I get aroused and have an orgasm.

I want to have orgasms in other ways, and we've tried many other positions, but nothing works. What should I do?

A: I realize that I would be out of a job if everyone did some research on sex, and yet it would be appreciated not to have to answer this question over and over. Fact: The majority of women cannot have an orgasm from sexual intercourse alone. A penis going in and out of a vagina does not provide enough clitoral stimulation to cause an orgasm.

So, most couples have to figure out other ways of giving the woman an orgasm, and whatever way works is perfectly fine. The more you worry about it, the harder it becomes to have an orgasm, so my advice is to just find ways to enjoy sex and not worry about what you can't do but instead concentrate on what you can.

Q: Can a man masturbate to porn so much that a woman can't satisfy him anymore?

A: The short answer is yes, though there are many factors to consider, including the man's age. But if a man — or a woman, for that matter — is masturbating so much that when he or she is with a partner there's no feeling of a need for sexual release, then it's quite possible that this man or woman won't be able to have an orgasm.

Since previously viewed porn can be played in a person's head, it also can help someone to reach orgasm when with a partner.

So the difficulty usually is a question of too much masturbation rather than the porn that is being watched. However, if the access to porn is what is leading to this excess of masturbation, and that is something more likely to occur in a man, as men are more easily aroused by visual stimuli, then the porn does have to shoulder the bulk of the blame.

Q: I've been on birth control for years, and I just lost my insurance and don't have the prescription. Will we be OK if we just use a condom? Do I need to figure out something additionally to prevent pregnancy?

A: Condoms are effective at preventing pregnancy if used properly. That means using a condom every time you engage in intercourse, being careful when removing the condom, making sure your partner is using the right size so that it is not likely to split open, not using old condoms that might be less resistant to tearing, not keeping your fingernails very sharp.

If you follow these instructions, you should be safe. However, condoms are not as safe as the pill, and you might want to look into other possibilities. The IUD would require that you go to a doctor, but it is safe, effective and a one-time charge rather than having to fill a monthly prescription.

Q: My wife and I have been married for almost two months now. We dated for two years before the wedding. Before getting married, we did not have sex with each other, though we had sex with other people prior to meeting. Once we were married, we started having sex, and it was great. She is objectively beautiful, and at first the sex was wonderful.

But lately I find myself being attracted to women I never would've found attractive before. What's worse, I no longer find my wife very attractive or sexually stimulating. The fault must be with me, for she is very attractive.

This would be more understandable if we had been married upward of 20 years. Is this normal? What can I do?

A: My reaction is that this has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with your relationship. Are you sorry that you got married? Does she have certain habits that you now find annoying? Is there a problem you are having outside the relationship, like at your job, that is causing added stress?

My advice is to see if you can figure out what is happening inside your head rather than assume that you are not attracted to her.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer is the author of "Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50" (Quill Driver Books) and "Sex for Dummies" (IDG Books). Have a question for Dr. Ruth? Write to her at

Distributed by King Features Syndicate

Copyright © 2014, Sun Sentinel
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