View Full Version : Fucking shit my nerves almost exploded

12-15-2005, 09:35 PM
What a ridiculous day... I was driving home from school and boy was it an adventure. You are about to read a tale of suspense, danger, luck, and just plain weirdness.

So I'm driving home from school in my sweet '90 Corolla (http://www.skratch-zero.com/crap/mycarisfast.jpg) whose bumper is now partially held on by bungee cords. My speedometer hasn't worked in about half a year. I got it fixed last spring but it broke again. So I'm cruising on Rt. 17 eastbound out of Binghamton, ignorant to the possibility of speeding. In fact, I am rather certain that I am speeding, but don't care because I don't know how much. I can tell when I hit 80 because my alignment sucks so the car doesn't drive too smoothly around there. I'm trying to pass this guy but it's tough because I'm going up a hill. Finally, the road curves downward and gravity gives me the power that my engine can't. I pass him, and happily pull into the right lane. I don't stay in the left lane unless I'm passing people. I hate assholes who stay in the left lane. So I'm cruising along, and smirk as I see a State Trooper SUV heading westbound on the other side of the highway. I wave sarcastically to impress my passanger. The State Trooper pulls a U-turn through a break in the highway divider. Fuck.
The car I had passed a few miles ago is behind me about 20 yards. Behind that car is a State Trooper, recently aquainted with the eastbound traffic surrounding me. The car I had passed a few miles ago blinks right and pulls into my lane behind me. The State Trooper follows suit. His lights turn on. Fuck. The car behind me pulls over and I start thinking of pleas and bullshit to tell the cop when he gets to me; I must be who he's after. The car behind me is on the side of the road. The police officer is behind him in the shoulder. The car behind me is my new best friend. I'll have to buy the driver a beer some time.
So I'm pointing up at the cloudy sky through my windshield saying "I owe you one, buddy." My passanger, my best friend since 7th grade, next to the guy who just took a bullet for me, is a thesaurus for "wow." Every few minutes, or maybe it's every few seconds--time doesn't matter too much right now--I point out how crazy that was. I feel like I just got shot but was wearing kevlar. Only it didn't hurt at all. So now I'm kind of naked; my kevlar's used up. There's no way I'm going to get this lucky again today.
It's maybe half an hour later, at most. I'm following this guy because he knows how fast he's going and I don't. I trust that he's going a decent speed. Having no speedometer for a really long time makes you good at finding the right person to match speeds with. All of a sudden he slows down more than that shit that won't flush down your girlfriend's toilet. You probably should have held it in you prick. Confused, I pull into the left lane to pass him. I realize there's a friendly police officer in a parked car, pointed at me, on the snow between eastbound and westbound traffic. I slow the fuck down. I pray that I wasn't speeding. If I was speeding, I wasn't speeding very much because the cop stays put. I figure it would be a good idea to stay slow for the rest of the drive. My dreams of cutting a 3 hour car ride into 2 are shattered.
About twenty minutes later, I spot a trooper a few cars ahead of me in the left lane. He pulls into the right lane and someone passes him. Somone passed the fucking cop. Idiot. The cop pulls behind him and it's Christmas. The lights go on. Fucking idiot. The car he's trying to pull over is a black van. The van's breaklights begin to flicker and flash. It's a fucking unmarked police vehicle or something. Cop turns off his lights, and so does the van. What the fuck. I see like three other cop cars further along.
I'm on the Taconic Parkway south. I took Rt. 17 E to 84 E to where I am right now. I hate the Taconic here. The guard rail is closer than I'd like it to be and it always makes me nervous. I wouldn't be going this way but it makes more sense since I'm dropping my friend off in Shrub Oak. Luckily there's barely any traffic, so I don't have to worry about passing people with about a pubic hair of space between us. I get to the Shrub Oak exit victorious. I just avoided the largest agglomoration of cops I've seen in a while, and my speedometer doesn't work. There must be an accident or something because two cop cars are at the end of the off-ramp slowing people down. A cop is slowing me down. He's slowing me down a lot. He's stopping me. He's asking me to roll down my window. "Your inspection is expired." Fuck. What? "Twelve oh three." Fucking December 3rd. Today is the fifteenth. I forgot that my mom took my car to get inspected while I was in school last fall. Usually my inspection goes in August. I've been studying for finals and packing and getting excited about going home and I never even imagined that my inspection could be expired. Fuck. He asks where I'm coming from and I tell him school. He asks where I go and my passanger chirps in that we attent Binghamton University. He takes my license and my registration and asks me to hold tight. He walks over to his car. Fuck. If he's walking to his car, why wouldn't he give me a ticket? If I walked to my car, I'd give a ticket. Waste of time if I didn't. He comes back to my window.
"We're gonnna give you a break this time, but get that taken care of."
I thank the officer and get my friend the fuck home. Weirdest shit ever. How did I just escape that? I was figuring out ways to plea. I was going to ask if it's legal for the police to stop cars and check the inspection. I heard they can't. Someone told me it's entrapment and it's not legal. But they gave me a break. That's never happened to me before. Well shit. I get my friend home and I have to piss really bad. That's not important, but damn do I have to piss so bad. I'm driving home and I'm being extra careful because I figure this can only be leading up to something terrible. About twenty seconds from my house, a car is pulled over on the side of the road up ahead. A final threat; a taunt or a mockery of some sort. I'm still in danger, even so close to home. I pull into my street, more skeeved out than I've been in a while. I pull into my driveway. Score. I should have gotten two speeding tickets and a ticket for having an expired inspection. But I'm home, and I really don't want to drive anywhere for a while. Remind me to make a toast to the fellow (or was it a girl?) who got pulled over for me way back on Rt. 17.

12-15-2005, 10:25 PM
Oh I'm glad I put bear instead of beer. Because throwing a bear at someone is so rewarding. :| time to fix.

12-15-2005, 10:31 PM
That sounds pretty stressing, but not overly odd.

Have a few drinks and feel better, man.

12-15-2005, 10:45 PM
That sounds pretty stressing, but not overly odd.

Have a few drinks and feel better, man.
The really weird shit was when the cop tried to pull over another cop.

Mota Boy
12-15-2005, 11:20 PM
Few things give you a rush of adrenaline like breaking the law and then just barely avoiding any reprecussions.

12-16-2005, 12:42 AM
hahahalololrofl thank you for that, pal. you get a coupla these. <3 <3 <3

12-16-2005, 12:45 AM
i want to sex you even more than normal.

12-16-2005, 12:51 AM
you need to get your car sorted dude

12-16-2005, 04:28 AM
Damn, son. Did you buy any lottery tickets on your way home?

additionally...can you even pass your inspection with a broken speedometer?

12-16-2005, 05:06 AM
Well if we're trading cop stories, mine are all retarded. And there are no cops (that feel the need to be asses) in Denmark, so this is of course, an American story.

Last summer I was back in Eugene, Oregon. Small town in the middle of nowhere, who would've thought the cops would be total dicks?

Well one of my at this time, was thrown out of his home, and he was only in town to visit me. So I would hang out with him during the evenings since he usually didn't have a place to stay.

Anyways, a while back we had gone to the dollar store and bought like several miles of string. Pretty much because it was only a dollar. Anyways, one of these evenings, we are really bored. Since there is absolutely no night-life in Eugene.

So we get a brilliant idea. Let's tie the string to a mailbox, and walk for a while, see how long we can go. Well, you can pretty much guess what happens. A half mile behind us, a cop sees the string, panics and follows it. And it leads right to us. I pretty much thought that there were so few cops, especially in our part of Eugene, that this wouldn't happen.

Anyways, he's pretty cool about it. He even finds it kinda funny. But he asks for our names and addresses. I lie and say that I am from Europe, and that I have no address in Oregon, and no where to stay in Eugene. That I'm travelling with my friend. My friend is a pussy, so I speak for him too and say that he lives in Portland and we are just visiting down here.

Anyways the state trooper says he's gonna call the local police and then drive off because he wants to get home. Fair enough, this guy is so nice that the locals can't be too bad right?

Wrong. We get the only black guy with a tiny dick. He has a voice like a young michael jackson. My friends and I still quote him. "Sit down!" And his long stories about how our string could've made a motorcyclist get confused and crash and die. Or perhaps break the antennae off a car. (I really didn't believe him, so I thought about star trek, so as to prevent myself from smiling or laughing.) Anyways he finishes his speech and rounds it off with a "get out of here."

I saw him again when we put laundry deturgent in the city fountains to make bubbles. (although we weren't caught.)

12-16-2005, 09:14 AM
Hah wow I can't believe he came up with ways that the string could have KILLED someone...
1565 - I know a mechanic who's passed me with the speedometer broken before. I actually asked him to fix it and for no good reason he didn't, and hasn't. For some reason it's made it awkward for me to ask him to fix it again. -_-
Endy - sex now kthx (zogm i find out my modern physics grade over the weekend)
cali - I think this is the first time you've ever addressed me?

12-16-2005, 10:04 AM
ps: my '87 accord kicks the shit out of your '90 corolla.

and my '88 ford clubwagon is awesome for pickin' up the ladiez. fuzzy dice, yo. still need to install a bed in that thing.

12-16-2005, 12:10 PM
I have a Fo Shizzle air freshener in my car. That's about it :[

12-16-2005, 02:22 PM
hey, got my own (not really my own, but I was there) crazy car story. not involving cops, but a fucking MOOSE.

my family was going through the Laurentians (dunno the exact english name, but its a pretty huge mountainous area). the rain was very strong, and we had a big trailer-tent thingy attached at the back of the car, all making control somewhat difficult. I was reading, looking out the window once in a while. I spotted a "moose alert" panel, but didn't stress too much. ten minutes later I look again, and spot a moose popping out of the forest and on the road. Didn't even have the time to scream FUCK!. My dad stomped on the brakes and spun the wheel as far as he could. the car did a 180 spin, ending up on the shoulder of the opposite lane. We're damn lucky there was no traffic, and even more lucky we'd recently got a big Toyota Sequoia SUV instead of our lighter Sienna - the trailer swung the back of the car inches from a steep barrier-less cliff, and without the Sequoia's 4x4 and added weight, we'd all have been killed. And we didn't even HIT the goddamn moose. that was about the scariest ride of my life.

12-17-2005, 12:22 AM

well now that's not true. we go way back. I remember once upon a time I talked to you about how your ex girlfriend's a total twat for breaking up with you via the internet.

12-17-2005, 01:38 AM
hahaha HO-LEE-SHIT. That is waaay mother fucking back. Like... 4 years ago just about. <3