Sometimes It`s Just Silly To Say You`re Sorry

March 11, 1990|By Sheila Taylor, Fort Worth Star-Telegram/Scripps Howard News Service.

There we were, a coupla chicks sittin` around talkin` with a guy we know. ``Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?`` the man asked one of us, who is not married.

``Go ahead,`` she said.

``Well, it`s none of my business.``

``That`s okay. Ask.``

This went on for some time. Clearly, he was curious about something. Clearly, he felt some major reservations about asking. Until finally:

``You and Seymour. Are you just friends or are you romantically involved?``

Is that all? Is that all he wanted to know? Imagine. All that apologizing. All that hesitancy. All that posturing. All that embarrassment. For a simple question like that. Remember, both the woman and Seymour are single, so there`s no question of any element of the sordid or sneaky.

A woman would ask such a question in a New York minute. That`s a big difference between men and women, I thought on the way home.

The why of this difference escapes me. Is it because women are more curious than men or because they`re more accustomed to confiding in others or because they`re more at ease with personal aspects both in conversation and life?

It`s been said that the difference between men and women is really quite simple: Men think the Three Stooges are funny and women don`t.

I like that delineation, one that I personally find valid. I`ve never taken a poll, so I don`t know if it`s true that all men think the Three Stooges are funny, or that woman don`t think they`re funny.

What I have noticed, and what I can say with certainty is that the only persons I`ve ever seen laugh at the Three Stooges were men-never a woman.

Two fellow staff members on a magazine where I worked regularly amazed me with their Three Stooges routines. These were intelligent, sophisticated men, men who I found to be several steps above norm on the sexy scale, yet every few days they`d go into these routines learned by rote from decades of watching the Three Stooges. Now, that I found funny. The real thing-the Three Stooges themselves-never.

A co-worker looking over my shoulder just said he has seen lots of women laugh at the Three Stooges. ``Right in my own house,`` he said, explaining he sometimes shows his Stooges collection to guests.

``Well, of course they laughed. They didn`t want to hurt your feelings,`` I said.

Which of course brings us to another difference between men and women

(not to mention their motivations for apologizing.)

Men wouldn`t bother laughing at something just to avoid hurting someone`s feelings. Women would do just about anything to avoid hurting someone`s feelings.

Next time you`re in the middle of a dying conversation, notice who keeps chattering, pushing on, who, indeed, assumes responsibility for the conversation. And if things don`t go well, the woman apologizes. I`m telling you. We apologize for everything.

For example: My son said he couldn`t ride his bike for several days because of the rainy spell.

``Oh, honey, I`m so sorry,`` I said.

``It`s not your fault it rained,`` he said.

He was right. Who but a woman would apologize for the weather?