

Life isn't fair, but a fair life wouldn't be living

9:56 PM, Jun. 17, 2013  |  Comments

It seems my wife and I have crossed the threshold into yet another phase of child development I've so often heard about.

It's marked with three simple words.

"It isn't fair."

Our 9-year-old has been uttering the phrase with greater frequency of late. Often, it's a plea for some sympathy. I've tried my hardest to listen, comfort and not just brush if off with my own three simple words: "Get a helmet."

My son often has a legitimate point. No, it isn't fair that early morning obligations based on parental work schedules frequently mean pre-sunset trips to the bedroom for the night. It's yet less fair as the sounds of laughter and playing from other neighborhood kids pours in through the open windows when the parents just asked for some shut-eye.

Other times, the fairness assessment is a bit off-base. I'm certain he'll eventually come to appreciate that his parents required just as much, if not more, reading time and piano practice in the summer months than during the busier school year.

In fairness to the young man, I'll step up and acknowledge I'm just as guilty in falling into some level of despair over matters of life's equity. Grown-ups, however, more often rely on an impassioned cry of "C'mon, really?" or a more crass declaration of "BS" to describe the situations at hand.

I'm trying to view the recent spate of unfairness rulings from a place of opportunity. Recognizing life's inequities, I think, is where the path to maturity begins.

I thought about ideas of fairness from my experiences just a bit deeper. I climbed in and came away a bit more understanding.

Yes, I suppose I would like a bigger, newer house and a more reliable car. Life would drastically improve if fast-food French fries were healthier than spinach salads. At quick glance, who wouldn't like to go back and erase some arguments or step out of the path of hurtful words?

Then again, all of us are no more than the totalities of our choices and our experiences. On that, I'm happy.

We can't savor sweetness without having tasted sour. We can't relish goodness without evil and hardship to compare against. A fair life, I suppose, wouldn't offer much for living.

I'm sure the young man will eventually latch onto that reality. He's reached the starting line. Life isn't always pleasant.

I'm hopeful the gut feeling of "it isn't fair" will more often make a quick transformation to the reasoned "it is what it is."

It's there where a statement of facts lends to the lynchpin question that makes or breaks one's quality of life one situation at a time:

"What should I do now?"


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