9 Pranks Guaranteed to Get You Laid

Fox News Magazine, which launched on Monday, "is the official lifestyle magazine of Fox News" covering, among other things, love, relationships, and style for women. They recently published a piece called, "10 Pranks That Will Spice Up Your Relationship," which, if your relationship isn't spicy enough, you should probably go read right now.

The piece opens as such: "No matter how great the chemistry, every relationship can get dull at times. What better way to spice things up than a playful prank?"

Indeed. What better way? I can think of about 100 better ways, but let's indulge. Maybe Fox News Magazine is onto something, here: "1. Put a small piece of masking tape on the bottom of his mouse, making sure it covers the trackball or optical sensor. Watch as he struggles to read his e-mail - and don't forget to write ‘Gotcha!' on the tape." Not for you? Ok, sure, how about number 7?: "Superglue a coin to the floor and watch as he scratches away to pick it up." Or number 10!: "Open a bedroom door slightly (or any door that you know he will walk through) and put a pillow at the top of it - when he opens the door the pillow will hit them on the head."

Not warming up your libido, yet? Understandable. If those still don't do it for you, here are 9 other pranks you might want to consider:

  1. Buy a bunch of pregnancy tests and leave them in strategic places, like on the night table or in the bathroom. If you want things to get really freaky in the bedroom, draw a plus sign on one of the tests and leave it in the garbage with the sign visible.
  2. Tell your guy that you're going out for a second. Then don't go anywhere. When he discovers that you're still at home he'll be so taken by your cleverness that he will probably want to rip your clothes off.
  3. Superglue your man's head to your crotch, so he is forced to be your sex slave until he satisfies your every desire. For a little more fun, also superglue a coin to your crotch and make him scratch it off.
  4. [Watch The Brady Bunch to get an idea for here] and he will sex you so, so good.
  5. Say your man likes animals. Buy him a parakeet. When he's not looking, hit the parakeet over the head with a wooden mallet. Put the dead bird in the sofa. Ask him to dig through the couch for your lost earring. Then hire a rodeo clown to jump through the back window being chased by an angry bull. Pants off!
  6. Is your man a magician? Grab a deck of cards. Tell him to count to 14. Throw the deck of cards into a ceiling fan once he gets to 7. Now tell him to take his shirt off. Grab the fire extinguisher and spray the letter "T" on his chest. Then just pick up a newspaper and start reading.
    Sweet, sweet lovemaking
  7. While your man is downstairs welding something, draw him a bath. Tell him to come upstairs and join you. As he bounds up the stairs, start to pour pancake syrup in the tub. When he gets there, throw a bar of soap at his nose and say something kinky in Dutch. Now make love like werewolves.
  8. So there's a handyman in the house, eh? Ask him to go upstairs and screw in a lightbulb. While he's away, stack all the dishes on top of a pile of old phone books. Yell up to him and say "Help! Help me! Oh god! Bees!" As he comes running down the stairs, throw a peach pie in his face and punch him in the throat.

    Add suggestions of your own in the comments. Come on, do it.

    [Image via Shutterstock]

  9. You like knife throwing as much as he does. Admit it. To ensure that the bedroom is spicier than shrimp vindaloo try this prank on for size. Grab a novelty moose costume. Cut off the tail. Now grab a honeydew melon, bore a hole in it, and fill it with uranium. Once he comes upstairs to practice throwing knives, jump out of a hamper and scream until he slaps you. Those sheets will be steaming for days.