Dealing With The In Laws and FOO (Family of Origin)

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Update **Trigger** Heartbreaking conversation with SIL. BIL is evil. Period.

Comments (143)

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Posted 11/28/2012

((((Hugs))) and hope you are OK OP <3



Posted 12/04/2012

Just wanted to update a little bit. Nothing major. In fact it has been really REALLY quiet over here. No contact at all from either BIL or PIL's. Of course, they don't technically know that we blocked their numbers on our phones and all emails so who knows. Maybe they are blowing up both. Either way, we aren't getting any and it is nice. 

Hopefully this is how it will stay. 

We did get an invite to a Christmas party for my MIL's side of the family. DH said he's not sure he wants to go. I like all his family, except for his parents and brother. lol  It would be nice to see them but then again, I know all 3 of them will be there and although I could ignore the PIL's, I have a feeling BIL will come right up to the kids and act all mushy and lovey and it will piss me off so....I think we don't go. I also kinda don't want to RSVP either way because it's DH's cousin who is hosting and she is close to MIL and I think if we RSVP no, she will tell MIL and then MIL might try to contact us or tell BIL etc etc. Why not let them wonder? What do you all think?

Also, what do you all think of the quiet from BIL? Normal? Not normal? Prepare? Ignore and go about our day? Just curious. 

Thanks all!

Posted 12/04/2012

Don't go, but do the polite thing and RSVP.  You don't owe them an explanation of why, but it's rude to not RSVP.

And if they are all blocked, it doesn't matter if they freak out.



Posted 12/04/2012

If an RSVP is requested, be polite and give one. I hate it when people don't RSVP to things I'm hosting. If it was an invite from BIL or the PILs, I woud say go ahead and ignore it, but it is coming from someone not involved in this at all, who doesn't deserve to also be "left wondering".


"I'd be crazy not to wonder if I'm worthy

Posted 12/04/2012

I would RVSP, but not until 5-7 days before the event.  that minimizes people being FM, and also makes sure your hostess doesn't have extra food purchased for you.

I think BIL is quiet because you blocked him from calling or texting, right?


"You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.” —Pablo Picasso

Posted 12/04/2012

How do you know about the situation with bil's stbxw?  If he starts to really upset and stress her out, she may give up info on you and your family to take pressure off of herself and the kids.  Just saying so you can limit info. 

Nothing useful to add.  I would respond to the rsvp.  If the crazies ramp up, ignore them.


Old member, new name. 

Posted 12/04/2012

Clarkias, although I do talk to SIL still, we have both been pretty busy lately so haven't hung out. She is just now moving in to her own place so she has been busy with that as well as getting used to her new job. She hasn't mentioned anything to me about BIL saying stuff about us, and she can't really give him any info because there hasnt been any to give. 

Yes missnomer3, we blocked him so he is quiet on those fronts but he knows where we live and where DH works. Hell, he used to 'swing by' all the damn time for no reason, out of the blue. I'm just a little surprised he stopped doing that. HAPPY, but surprised. 


Posted 12/04/2012

Oh okay.  She actually sounds normal and probably wouldn't do that, but just play your cards close.  Good luck and the bil sounds crazy and dangerous.


Old member, new name. 

Posted 12/05/2012

I hope the quiet continues for you  (((Hugs))) <3



Posted 12/06/2012

I went to SIL's new house last night to see it, hang out and just have some adult time. 

We were just sitting around talking and she was showing me her new house and explaining how the landlord is finishing the upstairs for my 16yr old nephew so he can have his own space. I said oh that is so nice of him. SIL said yep I agree, although BIL (her STBXH) says I'm sleeping the landlord and that's why he's doing this. I'm like what the heck? How would he even know who the landlord is? It could be a female. WTF. 

Apparently when she went to meet the landlord after work to sign the lease, BIL KNEW she was there (wherever that was, I didnt ask) and knew that she was with some dude. What the fuck.  Do you ladies think he put something on her car so he knows where she is? They no longer share the same phone plan so that couldnt be it. She also said BIL randomly puts shit in her car while she's at work and when she asked how he is doing that he told her he knows the code to open the door. She called the dealer to try to get it changed but they said it comes standard from factory and they can't change it. I told her to disable it. 

Also, the other night when her 12 yr old son was at her house (shared custody) she said BIL randomly texted her at 12:30am and told her to tell the son to get off the computer and go to sleep. Now, besides it being that late and him needing to be asleep for school, how the fuck did he know he was ON the computer at all?!!  My 16 yr old nephew said last night that his dad put sometime of program or whatever on it so he knows what is going on. He's a computer geek like my DH. 

Seriously?! People are that crazy? Ugh

My heart broke last night as my SIL was sharing a video of my 12 yr old nephew having a mental break on Thanksgiving. He is literally screaming on the video for 40 min in what you can tell is severe pain, while telling SIL 'get them out of my head, I can hear them talking. They are crawling all over me.'  That is devastating to me. Cry  I feel so bad for him.  There have been 3 counselors/sphychiatrists that have said he is experiencin schizoprenic episodes and what does his dad do? Weans him off his meds. My nephew TELLS his dad he needs those meds and he doesn't listen. When SIL told him about the breakdown he said she is lying and doesnt believe it. Video or not. Nephew has told his mom the voices tell him to hurt people. WTF is wrong with his dad? 

I told SIL that nephew is gonna probably start with their dog and do something to her and go from there. The dog lives with BIL and only 12 yr old. So when BIL isn't home but 12yr old is...  SIL says he has already done stuff to her, like pulling her tail etc etc. Nothing 'major' but still. Any abuse is abuse. Period. 

I just feel so heartbroken for her and my nephews. BIL is gonna snap, I have no doubt. 17 yr old nephew says he thinks it will be right around Christmas. He also said he firmly believes it will either be targeted towards SIL OR my DH!!!!!! This terrifies me, either way, but especially for my DH. Straight Face   

DH doesnt really want to talk about his family. He has literally written them off.  But how can I warn him of this then? Should I? I am once again at a loss as to what to do. I'm scared for all of us, to be honest. 

Even SIL's therapist, who is seeing BIL, told her to STAY AWAY from him and protect herself from BIL.  How many people have to say something before we listen? I don't know. 

Sorry this is all over the place ladies. I'm still a bit frazzled from talking to SIL and DNe. I'm worried for them. I'm worried for us. I'm worried for 12 yr old DNe. His dad is more worried about being right then taking care of his son and as a parent that really pisses me off!!! Their court date is in another month so hopefully the judge will say something. BIL wasnt supposed to be able to take DNe off the meds without having an evaluation done in this state, now that they have moved back, BUT because BIL knows more than doctors, he has done it anyway. Yawn You can't reason with him. He doesn't care and doesnt listen. 

Any advice or just a hug would be great. Thanks ladies. Being able to write this out is in a way cathartic. Heart

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