Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Get a Little Bit Divorced

Can getting a little bit divorced be the secret to a happy, healthy marriage? Here are 7 steps to acting divorced—without landing in divorce court!

By J Muckle

Special Offers

Could your marriage benefit from a little time apart? According to clinical psychologists, some couples may actually strengthen their bond by going through a "faux-divorce;" the act of splitting up child-rearing responsibilities and increased me-time (at least temporarily) may help couples to revaluate what they deem as important and appreciate each other more. Want to try it? Clinical psychologist Matthew M. Cruger, Ph.D., of the Child Mind Institute in New York City suggests these steps: 

1. AGREE TO THIS GROUND RULE: "We're doing this to improve our marriage, not move toward divorce." It's about redefining your coupledom and love life, not planning a separation.

2. SET A TIME FRAME: Three to four weeks is ideal. Either of you can call a time-out on (or an end to) the experiment for any reason, no explanations needed. 

3. HASH OUT DETAILS: Like how much time you will spend apart, how solo parenting will work, what each spouse will do while away, and when you'll sit down to compare notes.

4. SHARE EXPERIENCES: Bond by discussing your time apart. Where did you go? What did you think about? How did it feel to manage the household alone? What were the best and worst parts?

5. KEEP CONVOS CONSIDERATE: Be respectful and polite, maintain an open mind, and keep any nastiness in check. Put previous disagreements (like a quarrel over spending or chore-related nagging) aside. 

6. PLAN TO COME HOME HAPPY: When you transition from pseudo-divorced time back to marriage, prepare yourseld for family life again. Before you walk through the front door, put a smile on your face. 

7. COURT EACH OTHER: Divorced people date; LBD ("Little Bit Divorced") people date their spouses. Ditch the old tees and baggy sweats, put on some lipstick, light a candle, and savor your time together. 

Latest Stories


Special Offers