5 Iconic Characters Who Got Insane Reboots in Foreign Comics

If you try to run out and sell your own comic book starring Batman or some popular video game character, your ass will get sued before the ink dries. The owners of these characters are hell-bent on making sure some other dumbass doesn't make bootleg versions that tarnish their good name.

In America, anyway. When it comes to translating these same characters into foreign comics, it seems like pretty much anything goes. That's why if you find yourself browsing in comic book shops abroad, you may be surprised to find ...

#5. Robin's Manly, Racist Adventures, Co-Starring Batman (Spain)

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez

If you have always wished the Batman franchise was really about Robin beating criminals to death with blunt objects and gunning down Asians with a machine gun, well, the people of Spain agree with you.

In 1948, Batman was well-known and even popular in the U.S., but perhaps not so much in other countries, so it is almost understandable why Spanish cartoonist Julio Ribera and writer J. Fernandez thought they could just start making their own Batman comics and pretend they invented him.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
They also claimed to have invented Asians and racism.

Oftentimes artists will blatantly trace panels from Batman comics, but to be fair, these two guys made entirely new stories when they could have easily just reprinted the originals and put their names on it. We are glad they did, because their version is crazier than a clown fighting a howler monkey.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
Is Batman throwing a grenade or his poop?

There are a few changes between the Batman you know and the one these two guys pulled out of their asses. Some of them are small, like calling the Batmobile the Catmobile, for some reason. The biggest change, though, is their version of Robin -- a relentless badass who is constantly getting Batman (known here as simply "The Bat") out of tough spots.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
We can think of several explanations for that bloodstain on his shirt and none of them are good.

You see, Spain has a more stupidly macho-oriented culture than other countries (at least judging by their favorite hobbies, all of which seem to involve pissing off two-ton animals that can stab you with their heads). Considering that, it's clear why they thought that Robin, the damselboy in distress wonder, just wasn't gonna cut it there.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
... YOUUUU!"

What we're trying to say is, don't mess with Spanish Robin -- seriously, he'll cap your ass.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
"You stole my sidekick's nipples! YOU MONSTERS!"

In fact, one could even say they went a bit too far and Robin manned up so much that the comic ended up being called "Robin and the Bat," with poor Batman losing first billing and also his clothes, because in this version he seems to fight crime with just boxer shorts, a cape, and a smile.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
"I have as many shirts as I have fucks to give!"

Another weird thing about this comic is that despite only lasting 13 issues, most of its covers show Batman and Robin beating the shit out of either Chinese or Indian people. Now, we don't want to say this comic was crazy racist but ...

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
"Eat lead, yellow rats"? We hope you're talking to some cowardly rodents there, mister.

So to recap, Batman and Robin in Spain was the story of a boy, his many guns, his almost-naked friend, and their violent never-ending war against Asia.

So who could possibly top that? How about Japan's version ...

#4. Batman Takes on Lord Death Man and Dr. Faceless (Japan)

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan

In the 1960s, the camptastic Batman TV show with Adam West became a phenomenon in every corner of the world, including Japan. Naturally, Japanese publishers decided to cash in on this craze by getting a license to create official Batman comics for their country, although they had to make some changes so that the stories better reflected Japan's culture. By which we mean they were fucking insane.

Julio Ribera & J. Fernandez
Etymologists believe that the term "batshit crazy" can be traced back to this exact comic.

Regular Batman stories, especially the ones from this era, were pretty nutty to begin with, so Japan apparently took this as an opportunity to prove that no one beats them when it comes to brain-melting insanity (as if that were necessary). For instance, one of Batman's recurring enemies in this series was Lord Death Man, a villain with the ability to die at will to get himself out of sticky situations. This creeps the shit out of Batman, who starts having freaky nightmares with Lord Death Man every night.

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan
Batman's tendency to react like this when surprised explains why Alfred doesn't appear in this comic.

Batman also fought Japan-ified versions of his classic villains, like Clayface, who gets his shape-shifting powers from stepping into what appears to be a lake of poo. In order to defeat him, Batman submerges himself into the shit lake and emerges as a giant sentient batarang. Also, instead of Two-Face, Japanese readers got Dr. Faceless, who, after being accidentally disfigured, becomes obsessed with killing anything with a face.

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan
"Fuck you, Mark Zuckerberg!"

Literally all of the faces must die. At one point Batman finds a note from Dr. Faceless:

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan

It should be obvious to anyone with a passing knowledge of world monuments that the villain actually meant he was destroying Mount Batman, the giant Bat-face carved on a mountain just outside Gotham City. Batman rushes there to prevent this tragedy.

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan
In the real world, this is in Minnesota.

And finally there's Professor Gorilla, a regular ape who steals Batman's intelligence and by doing so bestows the Caped Crusader with gorilla-like strength.

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan
Of all the gorillas, monkey gorillas are the stupidest.

Professor Gorilla wants to exterminate the human race, but once he's been defeated, Robin points out that his actions were perfectly logical.

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan

"Shit, if anything, he didn't want revenge enough."

#3. Super Mario Goes to Hell (Germany)

Club Nintendo #5/96

If you ever read Nintendo Power magazine in the '90s, you probably remember that they used to have little comics starring Mario and other Nintendo characters going on adventures that usually involved whatever new peripheral the company put out that month. Well, it turns out that the German version of the magazine made its own comics, and they were a little ... different.

Club Nintendo #5/97
Judging by the placement of the chains on his gimp suit, we now know exactly where Kirby's nipples are located.

To be fair, the characters didn't always look like they were heavily into S&M (or, in Link's case, furries); most issues featured completely innocent Mario stories, like the one where Cthulhu turns everyone in Switzerland into cheese. That changed in a comic that begins with Mario and Princess Peach about to get intimate in the New York skyscraper where she apparently lives.

Club Nintendo #5/96
"You were there for me when I lost my castle to debt, Mario. Let me repay the favor."

Unfortunately, the lights go out when lightning strikes the building. Mario goes out to investigate and hopefully restore the power before the effects of the dick pill he took wear off. In the building's basement, he runs into Link and Kirby, who presumably had their hot dates interrupted as well, and together they stumble upon a terrifying scene -- they peek into a room where Wario is making a deal with Satan.

Club Nintendo #5/96
That, or they're waiting to order at a restaurant.

On Wario's wishes, Satan unleashes a horde of demons to destroy Mario. Mario and friends start fighting the demons, but in doing so they themselves become monsters, echoing Nietzsche's words. After defeating Satan's forces, everything seems to go back to normal, and Mario heads back to Peach's room for some mushroom-rubbing.

And then, this happens:

Club Nintendo #5/96
"... aaaaaand, my erection's gone."

That's the end of the comic. There's no "It was all a dream" or "To be continued," just Mario gasping in horror at Peach's eyeless stare. The magazine did publish a sequel to this story a year later, presumably to stop the torrent of fan letters containing nothing but children's tears. This time, Mario has to visit the underworld to rescue Peach's soul. Once he finds her, she greets him by saying, "Your mother scrubs toilets in hell" (which kids everywhere will recognize as a reference to that line from The Exorcist).

Club Nintendo #5/96
Plumbing runs in the family.

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