• News/ 

    Bitch-Back! Where Is Cookie Muncher Crumbling From?

    Blind Vice lesbians

    Dear Ted:
    Please give us some dirt on Cookie Muncher. Is Cookie involved with a reality-TV show? Does Cookie have kids? Is her husband an actor?
    —Jenny, Chicago

    Dear Cookie Question-Moocher:
    No. Cookie is no reality ho, but she does have a few kids. As for the actor hubby—she's dated too many, and has turned them all in for something under the radar (with one possible exception).

    Dear Ted:
    Is Cookie Muncher Jada Pinkett Smith? I'm trying to think "chocolate." I don't think she is considered a superstar but then again some of the hallmarks that make a superstar these days elude me!
    —Red Dragon

    TWITTER: Follow @theawfultruth

    Dear Wrong Flavor:
    Nope. I said chocolate-chip. There is a difference.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Cookie Muncher Christina Aguilera?

    Dear Not Those Munchies:
    Nope. Pretty sure Xtina has had some fine experiences with frisky females, but not this publicly. Plus, Cookie's way cuter than Christina.

    Dear Ted:
    How far off would I be if I am to guess that Tina Fey is Cookie Muncher? She has been looking rather sexy lately on the red carpet, and her husband is always lovingly looking at her. Fey or nay?

    Dear Nay Baby:
    You really think Fey would be that careless and let it all hang out at some debauched party? Come on, that funny gal has way more class than that. But you are getting closer than most people. At least in regards to the age group, kind of.

    Dear Ted:
    You said that the Cookie Muncher Blind is regarding a party "a while back." Would you be more specific pretty please on how long ago this happened?
    —Tiffany J Sheakley

    Dear Timeline Hungry:
    A year or few. Still massively counts though since I'm guessing it wasn't her last escapade to date.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Cookie Muncher Gisele Bündchen?

    Dear Brazilian Bombshelling:
    No, but damn are you burning up!

    Dear Ted:
    I ran across the movie Serendipity the other day, and it stars my celebrity crush John Cusack. I was wondering if he has ever had a Vice? If so, I hope it's nothing bad because that would be heartbreaking.

    Dear Dirty Cusack:
    Nope. No Vice in his closet. But that hardly means his closet is empty.

    Dear Ted:
    I love CSI: Miami and especially Jonathan Tago. I'm sure he isn't on your radar, but can you tell me if possibly he has been a Blind Vice?

    Dear Random:
    Nothing naughty on him. Doubt there ever will be! But you know I love a good, random surprise here and there.

    Dear Ted:
    I may be way out there, but do you ever think the original Bennifer might have been the real deal? I think they may have only broken up because Ben couldn't handle the intense media scrutiny. Given the fact that they both are now in marriages that are less than desirable, I wonder if they ever wonder what could have been? Any thoughts?

    Dear Bringing Bennifer Back:
    Throwback, or what? Not going to lie, I miss those days. They were such a beautiful couple, and he was the good guy she really needed post the Diddy fiasco of a relaysh. Anyway, I thought they called off the wedding because Ben was sleazing around and getting cold feet. Either way, we buy the whole too-much press on his part. Look at him now. He's flying under the radar. Jennifer Garner won't let a paparazzo anywhere near her fam. The woman's scary. Just what Ben needs, I guess.

    Dear Ted:
    I am so with you on Natalie Portman playing a young Elizabeth Taylor. What do you think of Ashley Judd as the older Elizabeth Taylor?

    Dear Good Call:
    Actually, I like Judd's look a lot, especially dark. She has that smirky Taylor thing going for her. I can dig it. I'm just uncertain she can pull off all that sass, not to mention the phenom heat. You know, it takes one ferosh woman to play the fiercest feline of them all.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm really concerned about Russell Brand. I've noticed that he is getting more and more gaunt and very temperamental in behavior. I really like him, and considering his well publicized problems with substance abuse, I hope he hasn't fallen off the wagon. Russ seams like a great fella, and I hope for the best for him.

    Dear Worried:
    I got the feeling Russ cleaned up, substance-wise, after becoming attached to Katy Perry, no? At first I totally thought these two would be explosive together. Then, Russell got all lovey-dovey over her and he seemed to be looking better than usual. I haven't noticed him slipping up more than his standard. But who knows, maybe Katy's got some Vicey behavior and it is not helping Russ break his?


    READ: More Bitch-Backs here!