Tiger Woods Hits It Like A Champ

Deviant perversion Romance is in the air today here on Deadspin, as women that I find attractive keep doing things that make them less attractive. First, Hingis goes and gets engaged... and now, Elin Nordegren has gotten herself impregnated. Tiger is presumably the father, but I wouldn't rule out Steve Williams. Tiger and his caddy are very close. They share everything.

This would be the perfect opportunity to run the YouTube clip of the Saturday Night Live "Biography" sketch of Tiger (Tim Meadows) and Earl Woods (Tracy Morgan), but I don't think it exists. Here's a transcript, though.

Anyway—and this is different from saying I want to punch Elin in the stomach—I already kind of want to fight Tiger's kid. I mean, I'm sure he'll be a wonderful person, but he'll also be a privileged rich kid that's an unbelievable golfer, and since when has there ever been one of those that you didn't want to fight?

Someone at Nike headquarters is very busy today... trying to figure out a way to get a big Swoosh to pass through Elin's birth canal, or somehow get her baby-making part in the shape of a Swoosh after the blessed event.

A&E Biography [SNL Transcripts]
Tiger expecting first child this summer [ESPN]