RICKY THOMASON: Teachers, enlightened roads, and IEDs

Ricky Thomason By Ricky Thomason The Huntsville Times
on July 25, 2010 at 9:30 AM

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. _ For educators, their beautiful wickedness in this long, hot summer is melting.

It's almost time to climb back into the driver's seat of a teacher's desk and attempt to lead convoys of impious students down the long, rocky road of enlightenment.

The job is akin to herding cats, and made infinitely more difficult by IEDs (Ignorance Ensuring Devices) placed on the roadsides by handfuls of helicopter parents hovering to hinder.

All over the valley, many hardworking teachers - okay, a few naive hardworking teachers - swelter in the burning sun to prune and fine-tune curriculums.

That done, they drive big yellow syllabuses to the track around the temple - known as the football field - and offload lightning rods of ignorance known collectively as "Required Reading Lists"

Enter the obligatory prayer and scripture references from the people of misspelled letters. They object to this and that in books they've probably never read and likely never heard of until someone told them they should be incensed about the content.

Just like that, it's time for the most famous words in the history of poor motor-skill sports, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Incense."

After a few pace laps, someone hides a checkered past, writes a letter, and the race is on.

A small minority of parents take the pledge to keep their kids in the dark about the real world. Well thank the gods for them. If they didn't, Alabama might fall out of the top 10 in teen pregnancy rates.

As for those other objectionable subjects, better that teenage girls - and boys for that matter - don't read about perverted adults in positions of authority who may try and take advantage of them.

For sure, let's allow them to be isolated and believe they are the only one in the world this is happening to. Can't have them knowing they can and must report inappropriate actions to parents, teachers, counselors, ministers, or priests.

Wait a minute. My real world outlook forces me to acknowledge that I may be a bit quick on the trigger when I assume Chester the Molester isn't a parent, teacher, counselor, minister or priest. Maybe they should go straight to DHR.

What really torques me off about these curriculum activists is that it's not enough to keep their children unprepared for the world in which we live. They want to make sure yours are equally ignorant.

As sad as it is, this is not a world chock full of flowers, butterflies, lollipops and rainbows. Truth is, it's a world chock full of nuts.

Teachers, quit fighting with the parents over reading lists. Many were lost in the lottery of birth.

Offer an alternative list of goody-goody Pabulum for the students who are parentally challenged. Absolutely forbid them to get near the real books. You know if they are told they can't they will find ways to read them.

What's the old adage? The preacher's kids are the meanest in town?

That's not true, of course, but there seems to be a correlation between over-strict parenting and children who go wilder than March Hares once they escape from under the thumb and taste forbidden fruit and freedom.

A parent's job is to prepare a child to deal with the world in which we live and make sure they know that every action has consequences. You can choose to do whatever you want - if you are willing to pay the price.

That is equally true for becoming a physician or pilot as it is for becoming a dope dealer or bank robber.

No matter who wins these censorship races, we all lose.

The average IQ in America is falling faster than President Obama's approval rating. I wonder if absentee parents and overprotective parents aren't two sides of one coin.

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