Platinum Hit
Dance Floor Royalty

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I Can Hear The Ooh-Ahhs

Eleven weirdos left. Well, twelve if you count Jewel.

Everybody: "It's so weird how sometimes you're on a game show where people get eliminated, and then people get eliminated. It's so weird how everybody on a game show always has this exact same conversation in the second episode. It's so weird being the most photographed barn in America. I'm not here to make friends. Et cetera."

Giant Sassy Black Guy: "[No idea. Not relevant. What is his name?]"
Jewel: "[Irrelevant, except she says "booty-shakin', which is quite relevant.]"

The Challenge: Write a dance song. If I were involved in this challenge I would write a dance song about not wanting to dance, or possibly a dance song about not wanting to write a dance song. That would blow Jewel's entire mind I bet. Or just sing a song by Interpol and she would have no idea. They're the kind of band that's simultaneously mainstream and like super esoteric if you're Jewel, do you know what I mean?

Awkward Dancing, the new moisturizing razor from Schick. Free your mind with Awkward Dancing.

Jackie: "Over dance music, I prefer writing strange toy music. That is my preferred genre."
Jewel: "Thish week I'm going to talk with a Carol Channing shlur. I still haven't figured out how talking worksh. Razzberries! Now, say hello to decorated singer-songwriter Donna Summer."
Sonyae: "This is relevant because it allows me to talk about myself. Sound effects. Grits. Noises. Mostly, me."

Jewel: "Now, the thing about dance music is that it's pretty stupid, so this challenge is going to be pretty stupid. We all know that a dance track is just hooks set to a beat. And since you are making the hooks, and then pretending to make a song of them later, we thought we'd give you some phat beats right now."
Everybody: Applauds for no reason.
Jewel: "The phat beat was composed [srsly] by [some guy who I think is a sponsor of this show or maybe I made that part up]."
Everybody: Pretends to know who he is slash look grateful.


They all hook themselves up to headphones so nobody can hear them thinking, and that snotty punk rocker one, Nick, tells everybody more wisdom about life even though he's so gross he's got two different colors of colored contacts on so he manages to look both unhinged and also like he works in the bitchiest section of Uniqlo, and then crazy Melissa brings it home.


Platinum Hit




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