General Question

anonymous_dude's avatar

What type of gal is good for me?

Asked by anonymous_dude (14 points ) December 15th, 2013

Hello people of fluther. Though I look new I’m using this anonymous account to protect my id. What I wanted to ask is what the question up there says. I’ve had no luck over the years in finding a gal. I don’t know what’s wrong with me to be honest. What I like to do is work with computers (hacking, modding, building, etc.) Drawing (not that anime stuff) writing (anything from poetry to my day) cooking and playing video games. I am a somewhat popular guy with handfuls of friendss that are jocks, geeks, stoners, thugs, preps, etc. I’m socially awkward and shy but become less awkward and shy when I’m used to you. I stand out aswell because of my dc comics gear :) I have a lot of free time outside of school and tend not to do much without having a friend or a few.(like going to a store). I dunno if those are the reasons why. I talk to girls but there are some I can’t talk to. I have to say that I spent over a year now opening up and trying new things and I’m proud of it. The only thing I’ve always wanted to experience is having a relationship with somebody. Somebody who I could be with and learn from. Somebody to enjoy more that life has to offer. I’m sorry if I’ve wasted your time with this crappy sob story. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m lonely :) it does suck to hav been one of the very few to have been single almost all of high school. Well thanks for reading :)

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15 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Ha, you are me 20 years ago. My advice is the advice always given. It sorts itself out. Cliche but true. You will find what you are looking for once you stop looking.

Things worked for me and I am a horrible person.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Good heavens! You start your story off as if you are elderly, then reveal you are still in school. Lots of people choose to stay single into their thirties or longer. I can understand a yearning to be part of a couple, but trying to rush yourself can cause you to head into a BUNCH of mistakes. If you wanted to try older women, I really go for computer geeks. LOL Okay come on, I’ll be more serious. Sometimes a person wants to be ready for a steady relationship, but they just aren’t. That doesn’t make you less of a man. quite the opposite is likely. Pairing dodos with dunderheads is easy. Class can take longer.
Your group situations can definately hinder things. If you want to set yourself up with more opportunities, there are a couple of things you can try. It is difficult, though, not knowing anything about the environment you have to work with. One would be to appear regularly or semi at a place where you can wifi; someplce lots of people commonly do. At first go with some of your friends, like you are working together. Having a friend help out by occasionally looking at your screen and audibly declaring you a genious is laying good groundwork. After a while, start going by yourself. If there’s a woman struggling with something, she may decide to take a chance and ask your help.
There are less devious ways also. The main thing is, hang where your best talents can be observed. Jocks meet chicks in the park or on the beach while they play football, or volleyball,and such. Work your best moves when you are someplace women will see it.
The old grocery store thing is a myth. Don’t waste your time.
You might consider getting involved with some charitable cause you care about. Lots of good women can be found that way.
Well, if you decide someone older might suit you….
Good luck. My fingers are crossed for you.

Vincentt's avatar

I didn’t have a relationship until I was 22, and kissed one other girl before that when I was 19. @johnpowell is right: it sorts itself out. Love will catch you by surprise, and it will be good when it does. You cannot force it to happen, and you should not want to just because other people are in relationships. What you can do is being open towards opportunities, say yes to new things and just do stuff even when you’re not entirely sure that you will enjoy it.

YARNLADY's avatar

Companionship is just that – be a companion. Think of the kind of people you enjoy being with, and be your own friend. People like to be with their own kind.

zenvelo's avatar

To have a relationship someone needs to be interested in you, not in someone who is focused on finding a girlfriend. So get into what ever interests you so that you are yourself.

The other thing is to meet women you need to be where they are. So be involved in co-ed groups, co-ed clubs, what ever social gatherings involve what you are interested in.

A couple things to remember: women are stratified into sociability the same way men are; so while it appears that women are socially more adept than men, there are just as many women who are as nervous and feeling awkward as guys who feel the same way.

And really, if you look closely, being paired off in high school is not all that overwhelming. Most high schoolers may date a few times, but many don’t date or have a partner.

Be careful about your “neediness” factor. Get to know a woman because you think she is someone you want to know, not because you want a relationship. If all you are looking for is a partner and not to get to know someone, you won’t ever find someone who wants to know you.

antimatter's avatar

Welcome to Fluther, don’t have advice, so if you are looking for some one, find some one who will like you for who you are.

mattbrowne's avatar

I would flip the question around. To what gal are you good for? When thinking about relationships, think about other people, not yourself. Then you got a decent chance. Otherwise it’s about selfishness, a recipe for disaster.

Bill1939's avatar

You describe how you have been discovering the many talents you have and recognize how much you have matured in recent years. In spite of being shy, you have formed friendships with a large and diverse number of individuals (mostly male?). It seems that what you see as loneliness is a lack of intimacy. Being shy is often a behavior associated with the fear of rejection, which in your case this is more pronounced concerning females. As others have suggested, it would be best if you were not seeking someone to be your girlfriend. However, the possibility of an internal conflict with sexual desire may be keeping your consciousness focused upon women.

Given the breadth of your interests one would not expect that becoming friends should be so difficult with ‘gals’ who share one or more of them, unless your goal is intimacy. Those who are less intellectual than you, are often drawn to another by sexual chemistry. Friendship may or may not follow such alliances, depending upon whether they discover areas of mutual interest. You, on the other hand, need to do this the other way around. If a potential for sexual chemistry exists, it will emerge from the depth of the friendship. Frankly, long lasting relationships are more likely to result from friendship than sexual attraction.

Judi's avatar

Ask a girl to the prom. Not the prettiest most popular girl in school but the quiet girl who is probably feeling lonely like you. It’s not a relationship but it’s practice.

anonymous_dude's avatar

sorry, forgot to add that I’m not really interested in a sexual relationship o_o . also i use gal instead of girl because it’s sort of a slang that stuck on…

Bill1939's avatar

Okay @anonymous_dude, I accept that you might be seeking an intimate asexual relationship (as a relationship often becomes after scores of years of marriage). I guess I do not understand why the relationship you seek (“The only thing I’ve always wanted to experience is having a relationship with somebody. Somebody who I could be with and learn from. Somebody to enjoy more that life has to offer.”) needs to be with a female?

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

You sound so much like my son was at your age. The same interests and personality traits, and he also had no luck with girls. He was so shy around girls that they wouldn’t stick around long enough for him to get comfortable around them and show them his real personality. What finally worked for him was meeting girls on line, and then meeting them after they had already established a relationship. He was better at conversing with girls via e-mails and texts than in person, at least at first.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Since you have a lot of free time, I suggest you spend it wisely because that is going to diminish as you get older. I recommend sports since you sound like someone with low confidence (No offense; you just sound like me a few years ago). Even if you’re not into teams/being with other people, there’s always solo activities like weight lifting and running.

Here are other suggestions on how to spend your spare time
The idea is to explore yourself and meet other people.

cutiepi92's avatar

I’m a girl but I will also say that I never found a boyfriend in high school. Yep, went through the whole thing “single”. When you’re super young and in HS it seems like the most important thing in the world and you feel like you’re being left out but realistically it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. I just realized that no one there was right for me. It’s hard to find someone that “fits”. It got easier for me in college because I was able to communicate with more like-minded people. And though I felt like an old spinster when I was in high school, I ended up meeting the love of my life the very first year of college. You’ll find someone, just give it time. Many people go into their twenties and thirties without really dating. And personally I don’t believe in dating just to date. I believe in dating when you truly believe you have found someone that you REALLY connect with. Be confident and stay strong

JimTurner's avatar

Everyone needs someone they can talk to and trust.

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