This much I know: Piers Morgan

The journalist and TV presenter, 44, on education, self-publicity and being kicked by Kate Moss
Piers Morgan at The Scarsdale Pub in Edwardes Square, Kensington
Piers Morgan. Photograph: Sarah Lee

Asking Alistair Darling if he's good in bed was difficult, but I did it. The more shameless you are as an interviewer, the better the interview. I have no shame about asking anyone anything. But then, I am shameless.

I hate yobbery and I hate snobbery. The mixture of going to prep school and then to a comprehensive means that I have none of the worst traits of either education. Go to both: it wipes away all the chips on your shoulder.

I never get any abuse from the public. It's only from the media. The media want to kill me. I would, too, if I was in their shoes.

When I was sacked, I learnt that the best quality and only talent I have is a very thick skin.

My family motto is: one day you're the cock of the walk, the next you're the feather duster. It could all end. I'm planning for the worst. I've got plan Bs; I've got plan Cs.

Most celebrities are fairly depraved.

I am much vainer than I used to be. You have to read TV critics calling you a useless fat git every week, and it's not the "useless" that bothers you, it's the "fat".

Being a public figure is great. You get upgrades, you get great tables, everyone's nice to you. The downside is loss of anonymity, but I'm not arsed about that.

I can be very discreet. I'm a good gossip, because I know where to draw the line. People tell me things, safe in the knowledge that I won't use the stuff that would really land them in it.

I never get depressed. I'd shoot myself before I went to see a therapist.

Things just happen to me. I was at Naomi Campbell's fashion show for Haiti and Kate Moss kicked me as hard as she could and ran off. Freddie Flintoff went: "Fucking hell, mate – Kate Moss just lamped you one."

I'm a very good flirt. I like women, and that makes me a good flirt. But you have to like women generally in life, don't you? Otherwise you're missing out.

I hope Gordon Brown wins the next election. I think he could, thanks to me. In which case I'll expect to be Lord Morgan of Highbury.

Piers Morgan's Misadventures of a Big Mouth Brit (£7.99, Ebury Press) is out now in paperback