Learning how to communicate during conflict is critical

When 7,000 married people were asked how they feel during a conflict with their spouse, 83 percent of the men said they felt “disrespected;” 72 percent of the women, on the other hand, said they felt “unloved.”

This information tells us that men and women communicate differently during a conflict.

You can use this information to strengthen your relationship by being sensitive to how your spouse or significant other communicates during conflict.


If you can learn to speak your partner’s language, you have a significantly better chance of solving the problem and improving your relationship.

A healthier relationship is possible. It takes hard work. You have already committed yourself to your relationship, so improving communication should be a natural step.

I would like to give you some tools to put in your relationship “tool box.” These three steps will open the door to better communication.

What strengths does your spouse or significant other have that you do not have?

Tell your spouse or significant other a strength he or she possesses and why you admire that strength.

Write down his or her response to that statement. Was is positive or negative? How did saying something affect you?

You might believe that talking about your differences will be divisive, but you are wrong! Negative thinking about your differences can be divisive. The differences in how we communicate reflect our individual personalities and highlight our uniqueness as individuals. Our uniqueness is meant to strengthen the relationship bond, not tear it apart.

Before you try these steps, be certain your relationship is on sure ground. If you have been fighting or using hateful speech toward each other, you need more help than this simple exercise. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

You can have a strong relationship during deployment. In fact, I believe that it can get better so that when you reunite you both will be stronger!

Do not hesitate to reach out for help and try this exercise. You may be surprised by how your differences in communication can make your relationship better.

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