Thursday, March 16, 2006

Birth to Billboards

Once upon a time, I was a tiny tiny little guy living in my Mommy's womb. Note I do not say tummy...I don't know why human parents fib their children by telling them they were residents of their stomachs! Gross, imagine swimming around in all that food! Anyway, I am excited to report that my pal Maggie is pregnant! She got knocked up the little minx! heh heh. Wonder who the lucky dude was? So anyway, first she went to a silly vet who told her Mommy Billie that she wasn't pregnant! But a second vet did some test called an ultrasound - I think this means he whispered into Maggie's ear, and 5 pups answered, "Yes, we're here!" And he took the photos to prove it! I looked hard at these photos, but I'm not sure where the pups are - maybe they're playing hide and seek, or perhaps they are so small, you need to have super vision (the visual equivalent of ultra sound) to see them! Can you spot them?

Good luck Momma-to-be Maggie. I'm sure me and all my fans can't wait to see your pups!

I have lately acquired a new nickname, "Sir Axel of Trouble". I'm not sure I like it either. Anyway, so I'm not sure how my new girlfriend feels about her name, Asta Blu Livewyre Naughty Naughty. But they just call her Naughty. I mean Asta. She is only 12 weeks old and is part of a big family - Mom Junie, Dad and 4 human siblings! I remember when I was that big, *sigh*.

So no sign yet of the mailman and my new collar! I'm rather sick of this old blue one around my neck, it's boring. I'm a famous boy, I think I deserve a high quality, spiffy-looking collar that befits my status!

Yesterday Mom came home from work, rather disappointed to see that Dad had not beaten her to it. Which translates as Mom has the honor of taking me for my evening walk. I could tell she wasn't into it, but once we got out in the howling cold wind, we had a blast! There were no friends about - Mom was muttering that she was the only madwoman to be out in that weather - so we had the whole run of the park to ourselves! Mom let me off leash, and I chased some red-breasted birds and ran and ran. Mom had her whistle on her, so she kept reminding me to come back. And I did! But then I spotted one of those rubbery chewy things on the ground - a delicious treat! Just like chewing gum. Mom's hair stood straight up as she spied me pick it up...followed by, "oh please Ax, drop it, drop it, that's yucky!" Drop it? Are you crazy? No way! I managed to avoid Mom's clutches and swallowed it. Mom looked about to have a thrombosis. I don't really understand why. I mean I keep seeing posters all over telling humans that these things keep them where is the harm in us eating them?

Later Mom was relating the story of my adventure to Dad and she threatened to put up billboards all over the park saying, "If you must screw in the park, take your dirty condoms with you!".

Personally, if I was to post a billboard in the park it would read, "Please leave all your chicken bones, leftovers, condoms and tissues on the ground so that our canine friends can have an extra special time in the park."

Ok, I didn't say it was a small billboard, did I?