Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: British Schools Teach Crash Course in UFO Crashes! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, March 30, 2014

British Schools Teach Crash Course in UFO Crashes!

Best of Dumbass News

Once upon a time, England was a great and powerful country.

But that was once upon a time and the passage of time has not been good to the home of Winston Churchill, Sir Walter Raleigh and Monty Python.

Not only has the British dance with socialism and political correctness turned the country into a something unrecognizable from a mere generation ago, some of the institutions of education there are going to shit as well.

You know, the places that are supposed to teach reading, writing and arithmetic (we used to call them schools), are teaching 8 ,9 and 10 year olds what to do in the event of (multiple choice, pick the most correct answer): a) inclement weather, b) an attack by a crazed gunman, c) a national emergency or d) a UFO crash.

The correct answer is "d", as in Dumbass!

I. Kid. You. Not.

This article states that "In a typical drill, a UFO crash incident is created, and police arrive to show 8- to 10-year-old pupils how to handle such a scenario, which includes gathering "wreckage," and the students are encouraged to share and write about the experience." And you thought I was kiddin'.

So, these kids are shown how to handle such a scenario, huh? I can tell you how most 8 - 10 year olds would handle such a scenario...they would run like someone put a rocket up their ass, screaming "MOMMY!!" like Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem. As far as "gathering wreckage", what the hell is wrong with these people?! Maybe I am mistaken, but if a UFO were to crash, wouldn't the local constabulary cordon off the immediate area and wait for the military to secure the crash site for further investigation? But the Dumbasses in charge of this "exercise", want kids to pick up alien material, possibly TOXIC alien material, and exchange it like they would David Beckham bubble gum cards? Ho. Lee. Shit. And I don't mean the Chinese actor Ho Lee Shit.

Then Step 3 of this Exercise in Dumbassery encourages children to "share and write about their experiences". Now isn't that sweet? Again, if I were eight and I had to write about this kind of thing, it would be brief and concise. My essay would read, "I saw the UFO crash and I shit my pants. Then I ran home like somebody put a rocket up my ass, screaming "MOMMY!!" The end".



  1. Me and a buddy found a crashed UFO when we were kids.

    Hey, they don't call me ET (extra testicle) for nothing!

    1. I know a screenwriter from Bangor, Bones. I feel a movie comin' on! ET the Extra Testicle: Balls to the Wall

  2. Dead Eye Dick and the Three Huevos!

  3. What the hell can you even say to this? It's more like something Monty Python would come up with were they still together.

  4. Wait, wait, wait. There are David Beckham bubble gum cards?!! I need a set of those!

    1. I'd rather have the Victoria Beckham Lezbean Porn Collection.


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