Dear Millennial and Gen-Z Straight, White, Cis Men

Things have been quiet ’round these parts lately. There are several reasons for it, but they boil down to that I am too fed up and exhausted to yammer on here when I am working on my own projects and day job full time. Things are just too much, much too much right now. We all know what I’m talking about.

But today I am going to share a bit of advice for “apathetic” voters and those who aren’t aware that the entire world is burning down right now. There is still a clear segment of the population who do not quite understand how dire this midterm season is, who appear to believe that yet again, those who are angry enough around them are riled up enough to do both the emotional and physical labor of beginning to undo the trainwreck we have all been aboard the past two years. So, I would like to speak to you directly.

Dear Millennial and Gen-Z Straight, White, Cis Men:

You need to vote. And you need to vote in a way that supports the women, queer people, and people of color in your life. (Fellow white women, we also need to have a talk; but that’s for another time)

The reality is that most of the items on the ballot probably won’t affect you much either way. If you have money now, you’ll likely always have it. If you have access to healthcare now, it probably isn’t going anywhere. Labor laws? They’ll most always benefit your situation, whether you are the employer or employee (or both: self-employed).

But there is something that you straight men love to do, especially if you’re single: fuck. You especially love fucking women on account of being straight and all. And you know? As long as there’s enthusiastic consent–the women you’re fucking probably enjoy it a lot, too!

So how does voting affect what goes on between the sheets?

If you love fucking women but don’t understand why they need access to birth control and abortion, you need to stop fucking women immediately. Your vote affects their access to healthcare. Women cannot get themselves pregnant and pregnancy can and often does threaten a woman’s life. If you would like to continue fucking women with a very low chance of impregnating them, you need to vote, in their favor.

Tax policy, environmental issues, labor law, infrastructure amendments, literally everything on the ballot can affect the life of anyone who is currently or can become marginalized. Something that is a non-issue to you is likely always on the back of the mind of anyone in your life that doesn’t look or fuck the way you do. The gender wage gap is a real thing, and it gets wider with each box a woman checks on the diversity list: a person of color, a trans woman, an immigrant whose first language is not English, a single mother, any of the above.

Her having access to all job markets, equal pay, and an ability to support herself and her family is critical if you want to keep her your casual, sex-healthy, empty-wombed bedfellow. She needs access to safe streets and transportation to get your 2am bootycall. She needs to be able to afford her share of condoms, toys, and other sexual health accoutrement because she probably has more than one partner just like you, or in case your supply isn’t right for her. Planned Parenthood isn’t always free just because it’s funded. STI and complete sexual health for women is more than a mouth swab and a piss test.

She needs to feel secure and stable enough in her daily life–the one where you are not fucking, the other 23 hours of her day–in order to come over and enjoy fucking you, or to let you into her structurally sound, rent-controlled, and well-maintained apartment that she can afford on her own because she is paid fairly for her work and expertise.

It boils down to this: you feel entitled to sex as a need. No matter how often you practice intersectional feminism, enthusiastic consent, and recognize toxic masculinity in your own life and around you, it is simply something you are programmed to believe in totality. And I hate to break it to you, but: sex is not a physiological need. While humans do need intimate socialization–and sex is arguably the best vehicle for it–the act of sex itself is not a need. you will not die simply from not having sex.

Your female partners are fully aware of this because sex is recreation for most women. If not by choice, then by necessity. It often comes last on her list, and only if she still has the energy and desire to seek it. She has to work more hours for less pay; feed, bathe, clothe her children; feed, bathe, and clothe herself; pay her bills; and maintain the house before she gets to think about hopping into bed even for sleep, much less bumping uglies. None of that withstanding any medical issues she may have. Sex simply cannot come first for many women, and a good chance most of the ones in your life that warm your bed have a very different 24 hours than you.

Listen. You’ve got a pretty sweet gig. Not quite as honeyed as the pot your grandparents and possibly even parents have, sure, but hell of a lot better than what most women your age will face or are likely facing now. The world is almost certainly going to hell in a handbasket, but you’ll be last in line. The heat from the fire is already fanning our faces.

Before I hear the echoes of not all men and misandry! in the background: I know. I am well aware that not all men are inherently sex-crazed creatures. But the gist of a lot of barriers that women face do boil down to sex: their appeal according to strangers, their availability and willingness to provide it when someone wants it, the consequences of something going wrong during it–all of those things can and statistically do derail a woman’s life. These are things that may always be on her mind regardless of how enthusiastically she consents or desires it herself.

The reality is, gentleman, that regardless how you vote–your vote will hardly affect you negatively. It’s simply not a likelihood. If you really want to effect change, and you wring your hands when yet another male falls victim to the consequences of his own actions a la #MeToo, if you really see the light and understand that you have a lot more power than the women around you to create that change: then vote. Ask the women in your life how they are voting, and why. Then follow their footsteps and vote the way they do.

Don’t use your political voice to state what we already know: that socially you’re bigger, stronger, and more powerful than most everyone else in your life. Instead use your platform to amplify someone else’s voice, someone who would suffer real consequences from negative policy change. The statistical, legal, and practical reality is that voting is not equal. It isn’t each person getting their own fair voice. It simply isn’t. It’s always skewed in your favor. So use that power for good if you actually want change: do it yourself.

THEN, and only then, after you do your one bare minimum task for humanity, you can pat yourself on the back and call up your favorite fuckbuddy.

Hey! Thank you for reading this! If you enjoyed it, consider taking a look at and pre-ordering my debut, NORDISCO. Good luck on Tuesday!

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