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To just want a bit of bloody privacy?

(184 Posts)
1wokeuplikethis Tue 13-Aug-19 23:30:16

I am a stay at home mum to young kids. My days are peppered with requests, demands, near-misses, relentless questions, and should I have the audacity to leave a room in order to wee/put washing away/make a brew I am almost immediately summoned...for example I am frantically wiping on the toilet to the chorus of “muuuuummmy!” “Mummmyyyyy!!!!” “Where are YOOOUUU??” Or worse than that, a sudden scream or shout or cry because someone has got their finger stuck in something, or fallen off something, or an advert has interrupted their viewing pleasure or they just have to know what orange and blue and white make. I spend my day in a moderate to severe state of stress about what is going to happen next.

Anyway. In our house we have a small bedroom, small landing and a tight bathroom. When it comes to getting ready, I allow my husband his space upstairs to get himself ready while I stay downstairs. HOWEVER WHEN IT IS MY TURN TO GET READY, BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A PEACEFUL SHIT BECAUSE ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS IN THE VICINITY AND IS NOT MID-PUSH, I am constantly interrupted by him, the grown up. I am in the bathroom and he comes in, bashing me with the door, I’m trying to do my hair and he comes in to brush his teeth (which he forgot to do in the blissful uninterrupted 20 minutes of him-time which I can only presume he spent twiddling his knob or having the leisureliest of shits instead of brushing his teeth), I am trying to see how something looks in the mirror and he stands behind me waiting to squeeze past, trying things on with a silent audience standing awkwardly over your shoulder is most infuriating. I am putting my earrings in and he is shuffling behind me to get his bastarding socks. I am on the toilet with the door shut and he comes in to ask where something is ad nauseam.

Is it terribly unreasonable of me to expect a bit of bloody privacy and SPACE from the other adult in the house who is at no risk of twatting himself off the sofa while I dash upstairs, or putting his face in the grumpy cats belly while I am hanging the washing out or wanting me to witness him counting glacially slowly from one to one hundred?

I have taken to loudly shouting HIYA when he appears initially, and then as I hear him coming up the stairs to stand directly where I am standing I commentate “OH HERE HE IS AGAIN, IM STANDING RIGHT HERE IF YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE PAST ME OR BLOCK THE MIRROR?” And every single time his reaction is a sorry not sorry what’s the big deal hmm face.

So, do I just accept this is my life- to have zero privacy at any time or during any bodily function (he has come in to talk to me mid tampon change for the love of god) or should I just twat him with the door now as a last resort when I hear him coming? Hide and shout boo to frighten him? Actually hide in a cupboard and see how long it takes for him to decide he wants to sit in that cupboard at exactly the same time?

huntinghighandlow Tue 13-Aug-19 23:33:51

When he goes to work tomorrow go to b&q and buy a bolt for the door ?

WorraLiberty Tue 13-Aug-19 23:36:58

I honestly don't understand the amount of Mumsnetters who don't have a lock on the bathroom door.

Just why??

dollydaydream114 Tue 13-Aug-19 23:41:40

Oh my god, YANBU and this would drive me INSANE.


I don't have kids but a lot of my friends with young kids don't have locks on the bathroom door because small children are apparently really good at locking themselves in and either refusing, or being unable, to let themselves out.

It's actually when people tell me stuff like this that I feel like my decision not to have kids was the right one for me...

DelphiniumBlue Tue 13-Aug-19 23:42:30

Lock the door.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Tue 13-Aug-19 23:42:50

No jury would convict you.

Reminds me of when super clingy DD1 was a baby. She was ebf and I had about 20 mins a day when I wasn't holding or feeding her. During those 20 mins, DH had her. Only, he used to follow me around with her in his arms saying "oooh what's Mummy doing now?" Standing about 2 feet away.

Anyhow I eventually lost it and asked for SPACE. You need to, too.

Karigan195 Tue 13-Aug-19 23:46:02

Have you tried actually telling him that that time is the only private dressing and shitting time you get all day and you don’t want to be interrupted?

DelphiniumBlue Tue 13-Aug-19 23:46:17

You can put a lock, or a closing book at the top of the door, so that small children can't accidentally lock themselves in.
Some people absolutely refuse to enter into any discussion at all while they are in the bathroom: I think that might be a good tactic for you.

MissBehaves Tue 13-Aug-19 23:46:25

YANBU at all!

Definitely agree with pp - buy a lock for the bathroom door ASAP.

Until then have gin

ElizaDee Tue 13-Aug-19 23:46:44

Do the same back to him for a week, then get a lock.

MsVestibule Tue 13-Aug-19 23:46:48

"I need 20 minutes upstairs, by myself. You do not disturb me unless the house is on fire."

There, job done.

DelphiniumBlue Tue 13-Aug-19 23:47:04

Closing hook, not book!

1wokeuplikethis Tue 13-Aug-19 23:48:41

Yes I like that idea. I could follow him around, warm the toilet seat for him, stand in front of the wardrobe when he’s getting dressed, awkwardly mirror his steps on the tiny landing, do my hair when he is brushing his teeth....

MissBehaves Tue 13-Aug-19 23:50:44

You can always put a bolt or hook latch high on the door frame out of children’s reach if safety is a concern. Good luck OP

helpmeiamatoad Tue 13-Aug-19 23:52:32

Yes get a lock/bolt and install it above the children’s reach. This would drive me mad too OP!

1wokeuplikethis Tue 13-Aug-19 23:52:57

I have actually told him how annoying it is, I’ve pointed out I allow him space to get ready out of respect (and he is so slow, I don’t actually want to slow him down any more) I’ve been sat on the toilet with the door shut, the kids bath is running and before I went in I said I’d keep an eye on it. He asked me twice in 5 mins if the bath was ready.

I’ve told him it infuriates me. He doesn’t remember/get it/care.

Jamiefraserskilt Tue 13-Aug-19 23:59:50

When mine comes anywhere near the bathroom, I tell him to give me x minutes alone, now. He always wants a crap when I am cleaning teeth, in the shower or faffing at the sink, the discovery of which results in sighs and comments and moaning about having to go in the other loo which is aaaaallllĺ the way downstairs. All three open the downstairs loo door when i am in there to talk to me, ask me inane questions etc. Then make loud comments about any resulting noises or smells. Argh!

VenusTiger Wed 14-Aug-19 00:01:42

Bathroom door lock, high up so kids can’t use.

Horehound Wed 14-Aug-19 00:05:21

Why aren't you locking the door? confused

hormonesorDHbeingadick Wed 14-Aug-19 00:07:13

But a bolt and put it 5 foot up. Sorted. Or just tell him.

Spudina Wed 14-Aug-19 00:08:52

I don't understand couples that go to the toilet in front of each other. Just no. Fit a lock.When mine were newborns, and EBF, my bathroom time was my only time to myself. I took to having LONG baths. My DH knew not to interrupt me. Cos he's not stupid.

Atthebottomofthegarden Wed 14-Aug-19 00:11:16

Yep you need a lock. Or a new DH. I’d probably try the lock first, if he has some redeeming qualities.

Luciferthethird Wed 14-Aug-19 00:11:53

I get you op my ex used to sit on his arse until the minute I started getting ready for work ect and there he was in front of me everywhere I needed to be there he was if I closed a door he was there asking why I'd closed it. Did my head in and this was before we had kids.
Get a lock and tell him to leave you alone. Or start sitting in the bathroom and bedroom with him while he's getting ready for a wee "chat"

disneydatknee Wed 14-Aug-19 00:23:12

Same. My OH can shit shower and shave safe in the knowledge that I am around to occupy the children. However the minute I get in the shower one of the kids will decide they need to pooh. We both work fulltime but it's only me they are interested in. I shower with the bathroom door open now so they can swan in and out. My husband also sends the kids in to brush their teeth at the same time every morning that I do my "brush teeth and pooh in peace" 10 mins before I catch the bus. Its infuriating. Say goodbye to privacy once kids come along.

Fairenuff Wed 14-Aug-19 00:26:47

What colour does orange and blue and white make?

<misses point of thread>

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