Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I gotz Olympic fever!

I’m not saying your are a bunch of uncultured slobs, I’m telling you
that you, the average Bostonian is an uncultured slob.
Look I’m wrong about a lot. But if you can sit there and tell me “We
don’t need no Olympics”, then your either a crazy person or just
ignorant Smiddy.
Think about this for a second. Does the world care that the Pats
cheated their way to another Superbowl ?  No they don’t. You think
China is in awe of the Bruins 2011 Stanley Cup? No they’re not. You
think Brazil gives a rat’s ass about the 2004 World Series win. No the
answer is freaking NO.
So why is it then everyone is objecting to the Olympics? What the
traffic? Traffic already sucks bro. Blame it on those carpet bagging
South Shorians who clog up our roads everyday coming to civilization
so they can make money for Keno, Xanax and Coors Light. Solution?
Just tell them to stay home! The average South Shore resident looks
for every excuse to not work anyway. I’m sure if you shoot the City of
Quincy an email to stay home they will.
Next, Oh what the T can’t handle it? Well since the entire South Shore
will be at home guess they’ll be nobody to run it. We all know the
collapse of the T is due in part to their corporate structure being
infiltrated by residents of Quincy, Braintree, Randolph and worst of
all Brockton. So with them out of the equation, PRESTO we will get
some people in there who want to work rather then slack off an ogle
attractive cousins all day on Facebook.
“But we can’t have tax money pay for any of it!!!!!!!” Look we waste
tax money everyday. When the average South Shore resident goes to
Market Basket to stock up this weekend for the Big BBQ. Guess whose
footing the bill? Heres a clue rhymes with US. When we commission
studies on childhood obesity, saving lazy whales or any other useless
cause who’s forking the bill. We are. So what’s a few less dollars for
the Atlantic Right Whale? Anyone going to loose sleep because we spent
it on turning Southie into a giant paving lot?
We have an opportunity to be the showcase of the world but, because
you plebeians don’t want to be incoveniced in the slightest I need to
constantly hear of all the ills the Olympics will bring. Give it a
rest.  Maybe just maybe if we all stop focusing on youth hockey and
football cheating the rest of the world will teach us something

Sorry Not Sorry

I am not going to apologize for being on vacation. I am not going to apologize for not blogging. I do not know how many times I have to say this but when I am on vacation I am not going to use a computer. I mean were you not entertained by Paddy "Chief Blog Ruinner" Calnan's  rants?

This is what I learned while being away.
1. We raised $740 for Dana Farber Cancer institute. I have 38 shirts left if anyone wants a second or just wants to contribute.
2. The Stars golf tournament is where it is at - breakfast, golf, lunch at Toscas, prizes and drinks at Stars. Well done.
3. When does Calnan do his pro Olympics to Boston campaign?
4. I got caught up so I didn't make it to the Chipman Family pig roast but I heard they raised $7,000 for his moms scholarship with over 250 people showing up. Kudos Jebby and the whole Chipman clan!
5. Welchie is working on purchasing a place in Braintree.
6. What the fuck Bruins? These moves are all garbage!
7. What the shit Celtics? Do we need another fucking guard?
8. Has anyone heard from Hong Kong Dave? I mean doesn't him and his wife usually visit in the summer?
9. Sometimes a vacation means staying home and doing (finishing) projects.
10. Random Thursday bar hopping with Chrissy is highly recommended.
11. Have you had the chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joe's? Fucking get on that!
12. Lauren Brady kind of (REALLY REALLY) hates animals. She don't care for your fucking pets bro! Fuck your cats, fuck your dogs, fuck your turtles, fuck your fish and fuck your baby porcupines.
13. Maybe it is just because you get used to it but after people shave their mustaches off they look weird - Chrissy, Mario and Jeffrey I am looking at you.
14. Always good to see Timmy Barrett, who is more than half way done with the police academy.
15. Jeffrey has a man crush on Little Jay.
16. I am officially off the book of face again and probably will never go back ever. 
17. 9th Annual Mustache Pub crawl - Yes or No? Change the month? Change the location?
18. Fucking Mike Foley driving to and from North Carolina so he has his car here is amazing to me!
19. Looks like Mario's bachelor party is coming together. Right now it is Saratoga for a weekend in August. Will probably end up being Hooters and the Golden Banana.
20. Everyone knows that they light bon fires on the beach in Quincy on July 3rd, well guess who lives 6 houses from one of those bon fires. THIS GUY! Thats a good reason to have an afternoon cookout, right?
21. Did you know part of the reason Paddy Calnans rants may be so angry is because he is sober as a judge right now as he cuts weight.
22. Snap chat kills my fucking phones battery like a champ.
23. Mikey and Lizzie Layden are having a baby boy, due in late November.
24. Charles V Grillo also does land surveying if you are in need of that. I do not know the price but if you mention drunknothings website he will give you 10% off.

I hope you all have a great and wonderful 4th of July!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Just suspend him already.......

Look I'm not going to rehash any of my other blogs but, look the NFL has to suspend Brady. This crap has gone on long enough and it's not the actual cheating. I' m talking about the borderline WWE Media Driven storylines that is the new NFL. If you can sit back and tell me football has always been this way then your a fucking mad man/ mad women. It's every other day there is some new drama unfolding. Domestic Abuse/DUIs/Cheating you name it. And all the meanwhile the actual football has taken a back seat. Anybody in Patriot Nation least bit concern by the Pats Running Game?

Nah! Why fucking would you! Your all investigative reporters and ball physicists now. It's all good Bill will figure it out (ps he's an asshole). We got Blount! (Any fan of football knows Blount has some conditioning issues/ tendency to get face punchy if he's sticks around long enough). But in Bill we trust!

And I know I'm going to hear hey CBR, "your a clown if you think this phases the pats". My rebuttal is your a fucking moron if you think it doesn't. I can all but guarantee Bill and the boys didn't even change up one thing scheme wise in the "off" chance Brady is out. Yea know why because they're arrogant. They had this in their minds beat from the jump.

And that is why Brady should go for at least a game. Because of the arrogance of it all. Much like the late 90s Yankees on many levels the Pats believe them selves to be above rules. Always have, always will. Suspending Brady Game 1 in the grand scheme is meaningless but maybe just maybe it will ground everyone just a little in title town a bit. Until it's used as a rallying point by game 6. The NFL can't control anything. Especially the behavior of its players but, maybe just maybe it can save the New England fan and team from the oncoming onslaught of arrogance that will inevitably let go when Goddell wipes the slate clean, let's Brady walk only to add to his Pats Bad Guy Storyline he's been working so hard on.

PS anybody seeing what Chip is building in Philly? Gonna be SPECIAL

Monday, June 15, 2015

Still seeing red

Man oh man Jeffrey's beach party and cook out was a success, other than Chrissy being burnt to a crisp.

This is what I learned this fine weekend:
1. No one wants to work but we all have to so stop bitching.
2. Being 47 years old with 3 kids, ages 15, 8 and 6 then finding out you are going to be a dad again must be stunning. Congrats Layden!
3. Kids love bunk beds, and apparently they love when Derek buys them.
4. Jurassic World was pretty damn good. Chris Pratt is basically Star Lord dressed as Indiana Jones the dinosaur whisperer.
5. Any drink that comes flying out of your nose is painful.
6. Lets move some t shirt units for the pub crawl guys. I dont want to lug 75 shirts around.
7. TK is geared up for this Mustache Pub Crawl, said it is going to be like 1983 all over again.
8. Smiddy is going to have a a slip and flip tournament at his place in Southie. Have you signed up yet?
9. The Harpoon Shandy is something. Grapefruit in a beer is quite odd but yet not off putting.
10. Calnan is out shopping for his outfits for when we go to a Georgia football game this year. Says you can't dress like a chump off the streets at the SEC games.
11. Jeffrey is now in the creep shots group text. Lets see what he can bring to the table. Its a tough crowd, ask Paddy.
12. I found out Braintree day is the Saturday before July 4th. BIG TIME PARADE AND PARTY!!
13. Children play house at 3 and 5? Shocking to me.
14. Chrissy is looking for a food challenge, does anyone know of any? The kid loves free shirts.

Don't forget the MPC starts at 1 this Saturday. Hope to see ya all. Chrissy already shaved his stache in.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Time flies

I mean it is already June 9th. This year is fucking cruising.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Paddy Page views is just posting at will and some people hate it, while others don't mind it but everyone agrees that it is not really uplifting. As Rick Pitino once said "...all the negativity that's in this town sucks. I've been around when Jim Rice was booed. I've been around when Yastrzemski was booed. And it stinks. It makes the greatest town, greatest city in the world, lousy. The only thing that will turn this around is being upbeat and positive..."
2. Another year and another successful Dot Day:

3. It never ceases to amaze me how much children change from one visit to the next. One week they are not talking next time you see them they won't shut up.
4. I heard Mario's wedding shower was a success.
5. The girl who will always hold a special place in Chrissys heart, Julie Nickerson is officially moving back to Hull. Somewhere, 21 year old Chrissy is smiling.
6. Has anyone heard from Mike G? I texted that kid but he never gets back to me. NH has changed that man.
7. If you are around Quincy on Saturday stop by the Flag day parade.
8. You didn't hear this from me but rumor has it Jeffrey is  having a beach day cookout on Sunday at his house. Pack your kids up and bring some sides.
9. Oh by the way NEVER touch the DJ's equipment at Peggy Oniels. EVER!!
10. If you have never seen Chrissy hung over then you have not seen a person in agony. He did bounce back nicely after breakfast though.
11. I am legit the worst at karaoke.
12. The Rivershed in Scituate is fucking good food. I got the brisket and legit it was like meat candy.
13. The housing market is crazy right now. I mean more buyers than sellers, low low interest rates and people paying straight cash for houses.
14. Nothing more exciting than playing Keno and checking a few days later to hit.
15. TK was like a pig in shit at Dot day. A PIG IN SHIT!
16. Don't forget the Chipman pig roast is June 27th! Rumor has it Calnan may make an appearance.
17. If anyone needs Countryfest tickets Smiddy has a few extras kicking around.
18. I think Chrissy is starting a go fund me account so he can take his brood to Disney. I'll let ya know when it is up. (Though I am pretty sure Rob has a time share or two down there and I would check with him to see if he is using it and what the cost would be).

Till next week kiddos.
I hope that your mustaches are all starting to come in. I have shirts available.

Tinder? No Thanks


As Derek reported earlier. I'm 30 and flirty.

With that comes the urging of everyone to jump on the Tinder bandwagon. You know that magical app that everyone assumes is better then adultftiendfinder.com or chat roulette.

I do yoga, I'm over 6ft, have salon quality hair and read FOR FUN. Basically a mans man. So people are a little taken aback when I balk at joining. How can such a handsome man/ good human being not be on this. It's a crime against nature. It's like Smiddy not hanging around outside Weight Watchers and Teen NA meetings. 

Well the answer boils down to this. They keep booting Transexuals off for no reason (GOOGLE IT)

You wanna run a hook up service. You run it the right way. You let Transexuals get their crack at the plate. Why? Because that's life. It's not all cut and dry my friend. There's grey areas.  It keeps people honest. Yet another example of kids today wanting everything handed to them. Is it a girl or a guy shouldn't even be a thought. 

Wahhh we won't people thrown at us but, we can't handle the fact maybe one used to be a guy. GROW UP. It's 2015 Tinder. Caitlyn Jenner basically just changed the game and made Trans life the hottest thing going.

Ever think some people may  want to hook up with a Trans person? No you didn't Tinder because your too busy cutting kids food for them and handing out participation awards.

Got news for you. Not everyone likes chocolate or vanilla. Some like a swirl. Little of both. Do some research clowns.

So there you have it. Till Tinder cleans up its act, count this guy out. I'll just stick to the old reliables; Animal Shelters and Book fairs.

PS:  In the off chance a Trans Tinder would be a highly profitable idea, I am available for consulting. Not a ton of experience but, a ton of experience in fairness.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Quick I need 75k to hire Barenaked Ladies......

Said no one ever....

So I have a quick question for everyone. If you come into a little money and your faced with hiring some entertainment for your party. AND your only option for musical genre is " White People Music" who do you book? Smashmouth or Bare Naked Ladies??????

Both are hit machines, both absolutely dominated the 90's and both are available to play at your next private event!

Sure "The Ladies" will run you about 75k at the low end. But for around 100k your getting 7 time JUNO (Canadian Fake Grammy) award winning in your face jams! With such hits as "One Week" and and and and and that other stuff they play that won them all those JUNOs. So they didn't have a good run in the US. PER SAY. But when you win 7 again 7 JUNO Awards its speaks to a certain level of talent. Puts you in such good company as Bryan Adams and Celine Dion (I challenge a guy out there to say you didn't dig "The Titanic Song")

Now if your a fan of value then you would have to go Smashmouth. Their high end runs around 75k.  And your getting a group that got some SERIOUS radio play with jams like "All Star", "Walkin on the Sun" and a solid cover sample (I'm a Believer, Why Cant We Be Friends and Can't Get Enough of You Baby). Do they have much in awards? Nah but, clearly in the Court of Popularity they take "The Ladies" by a mile. You couldn't flip on Top 40 in the 90's and not get an earful of just feel good hits because of Smashmouth.

So there you have it overpay because of a bunch of phony Canadian Awards and get one hit or underpay and get a literal hit factory in your backyard. Choice is yours out I go Smashmouth (Dudes look like they party. Unlike the "Science Club" Barenaked Ladies)

PS : Not a hypothetical in the least but what if I was to tell you Hip Hop Mega Star MYSTIKAL is available to book for well under 20k.  And Derek has that big ole yard AND foam machines are running around 1500. You people see what Im putting down?

PPS: Look past Mystikal's Criminal Record if you can, he did his time and the last half of it was tax stuff anyway (jaywalking). Most of it doesn't even count when you got people snitching on you because they jelly anyway.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Haute Takes

Likes: Starbucks Pumpkin Coffee, Uggz, Barre Class, Pilates ,BRUINS hockey and FENWAY

And thus reads the FB page of every female age 16-35.  And so well encapsulates why both the Sox and Bruins organizations are in a tail spin.

Look I'm not a hockey guy. Growing up that was a your parents aren't divorced sport. And goddam if my parents were getting up at 5am

Nor am I baseball guy. Sure I played till high school but generally those who were blind until age 4 have sucky eye hand coordination. So, I grew to hate it.

What I am though is a blogger with a ferocious appetite for truth.  Look I'm not saying there are no true sox and Bruins fans out there. There sure are. The guy still keeping score himself at the sox. A fan. The guy who managed to keep his sanity during 90s bruin hockey. A fan.


Look I'm a modern man. Not a feminist but not mysoginist either. But look the higher number of female fans a team has in Boston the less true fans you'll find. 

Notice pre 2004. You went to Fenway was it a complete sausage fest. No but, it still somewhat resembled what other baseball stadiums resemble elsewhere in the country. Then whamo 04 World Series happens. Sox are hot. And like the Swallows of Capistrano the "Pink Hats" flood in. And conversely scumbag Henry and crew are there to take their money. And now Fenway is just a shitty stadium where baseball is a second thought and a bachelorette party destination.

Roughly the same occurred to the Bruins. For years Bruins games where the Mecca for Malden Youth Hockey Coaches with a drinking problem and other unsavory elements. Bruins win the cup and again the Hats come flying and again there's an even scummier ownership group there to poach the shekels of the female element. 

In summary the Circus state of each organization can be attributed to this. once the Pink Hats emerge, much like  when a lion sees a deer , the scumbag ownership groups of both organizations can't help themselves  and become less concerned with the quality of the product. Suddenly their #1 concern is gouging the single 27 year old nurse from Braintree and her friends at a game. They're willing to transform a hockey/baseball game into an overpriced circus just to cater to them. 

And you can't fault the ownership. There billionaires, they made billions because they love money. So they can't say no when a pack of girls want to hear sweet Caroline as long as they are paying 10 bucks a beer.

The fault lies totally with the bandwagon jumping New England Pink Hat. Your willingness to shell over 10 bucks for beer and worse attend concerts at there shitty venue (Red Sox) has essentially killed not one but 2 sports organizations.

So take note nationals and Orioles fans a little bit of success may be your nail in the coffin too.The minute you see your first bachelorette party at a game it's probably too late.


1st reminder:

The 8th Annual Mustache Pub crawl is only 15 days away Saturday, June 20th starting at 1:00pm

The money raised will be donated to Dana Farber Cancer institute

1st ride is Boston Beer Works 1:00-2:30
2nd ride The Grand Canal 2:30-3:45
3rd ride Paddy O's 3:45-5:00
4th ride The Tap Trailhouse 5:00-6:15
5th ride Clarke's 6:15-7:30
6th ride The Wild Rover 7:30-8:45
7th ride The Hong Kong 8:45-10:00
8th ride The Times Irish Pub 10:00-close

We will have fake mustaches and name tags

Please feel free to invite anyone and everyone who wants to drink for a cause, likes random Saturday drunkfests or wants to buy a fucking shirt.

If you want a shirt before the crawl. Lets make plans.

2nd reminder:

Dot day is this Sunday.

The Annual bowl off is at 9:30 then we will head to Peggy O'Niels.

Lets see what Chrissy has in store this year:

Holla atcha boy!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015



Look I know I'm the new guy and i'm essentially writing on a South Shore rag sheet but, can I level with everyone I WAS SECRETLY ESTATIC WHEN BRADY GOT SUSPENDED.

My reasoning is simple. I like football. The sport. I'll watch anything up to an including high school, hell if I didn't hold a grudge against Pop Warner (too fat to play) I'd prob watch that. That being said If your a fan of the game of football you should hate the far majority of every Patriots fan you come across.

Why? Because essentially they stopped being fans of the game of football essentially around 2003. And morphed into pompous hypocrites who resemble a late 90s/ early 2000s Yankees fan more then anything. Let me elaborate with some stone cold facts.

1.) If they were such great fans, wouldn't Pats home games be a little more entertaining? Don't get me wrong any excuse to slug beers in the morning is great but, ever been to one of these things? 1st and foremost it's a Kraft money grab the minute you walk onto their property. The game itself, a morgue like environment compared to 95pct of other stadiums in the U.S. of A. God forbid you drop an F Bomb in front of that Hingham Mom and her kids Trevor and Chad. You better believe security is getting called.

2.) The following statement " Belichick is an asshole, I hate him but, he's a genius". Not saying some assholes aren't geniuses. History is full of them. But if he's the leader of the greatest sports dynasty of all time don't you think he should get a break on his mood? No because the typical Pats fan is so use to getting sunshine blown up there ass from Brady they demand to have it all! ( but fuck Pete Carroll he's too happy)

And genius. Anyone ever bother to understand anything he does? No because it's not about football ITS ABOUT WINNING. Let me explain briefly for you. He rips other coaches off. Chiefly college coaches ( you know that inferior product Pats fans refuse to watch). Messing with eligible non eligible receivers? Taken from Saban/Lane Kiffin at Bama. The Pats foray with hurry up and quick screens. Notice all started after Chip Kelly (Oregon) visited the Pats around 2008.

3.) The following statement "Bob Kraft is a great guy". No, no he's not. Your first hint is should of been he's a Billionaire. What Billionaire ever made Billions being a great guy? Answer: No one. His wife dies within milliseconds grouting around with some 23 yr old. "Yea but good for him". No not good for him. Be sneaky about it. Because guess what your granddad pulls that he's a scumbag, either that or embrace being a bad person full force like Jerry Jones. Basically Kraft could shit in your living room and the typical Pats fan would rationalize it well at least he didn't piss too right but class act. Class Act. And if I can pop another balloon. If you think he didn't have some clue what Hernandez was up to your a moron. You think they have some moral code? The Patriot Way? Go Wikipedia there recent signing Fred Davis. Gold Medalist in OUI and Domestic Assault

That all being said. Guess what I still watch the games. Yea know why I'm a football guy.  But I secretly wish the entire time the asshat Die Hard Pats Fan from Quincy with the Mayo Jersey gets railed by an 18 wheeler walking out  of Buff Wild Wings.

Please let the reaction to this be bad. I just crapped all over you people's identity (essentially all of Smiddys). 

Monday, June 1, 2015

June is here

For some reason it always seems like June is the busiest month of the year - birthday parties, graduations, summer cookouts, Dot day and over all tomfoolery.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1.Looks like its Christmas in June:

2. Ladies, Crazy Calnan is not looking for anything serious right now he just wants to take you to pound town. (He is also would like a gym partner).
3. We are on to chicken sausage (no Craisins were used while making these sausages):

4. I can not wait for TK's 1st annual Bringing back the 80's cookout. Heard, Chrissy is going as Max Headroom. 
5. Cape Cod Blonde is now on tap at the Charlie Horse. Tell Chris Leaden I said hello!
6. Supah P is looking into knocking his house down and building a new. Man I can't wait to help with that demo.
7. Not too much fan fare with this years MPC so it may be dead if we can't get enough support.
8. The over all barber shop experience is second to none. Just bullshitting and having a great time.
9. What? Why yes we are still waiting for Chrissy's first Uber Update.
10. Man people are already talking fantasy football? What the fuck.
11. If you were curious Rob ran 8 miles yesterday.
12. Nora Mitchell is now off doing food tours in various cities throughout this great country.

I am off to enjoy this 48 degree day.