The Dream

So I know it is a little delusional but, first thing in the morning when I wake up and begin to mentally make plans for the day, my time (in my head) looks something like this: 

  1. Blend fab smoothie for breaky.
  2. Wake adorable sleepy children who greet me with a smile and mommy cuddles.
  3. They get themselves dressed, fed, packed for school.
  4. Clean House- all the while smiling and humming softly to the tune of ‘I’m Walking on Sunshine’.
  5. Empty Laundry Basket.
  6. Have life (and body) changing workout.
  7. Grocery shop—all heart healthy, organic food of course.
  8. Pick kiddos up from school, have perfect, meaningful conversation about their day.
  9. Afternoon activity with the kids doing some origami, which will of course look like the masters of Chinese art created it.
  10. Cook amazing (healthy) meal that every single family member will offer rave reviews for.
  11. Cuddle with my babies, transition into bedtime with ease and read a bedtime story that ends as perfectly as my day—Happily Ever After.

Insert hysterical laughter here! A mom has to dream!

The Reality

I’m not sure if this day exists anywhere, other than our Facebook pages, but it certainly does not in my house. I’m going to be brutally honest and tell you that this is what it really looks like:

  1. Well intended smoothie tastes and has the consistency of dirt and ends up creating a globby greenish/brown trail as it washes away down the kitchen sink.
  2. Sleepy children turn into angry, hate filled creatures I no longer recognize but vaguely remember from an old film….I wait in fear for the spitting of green slime while their heads spin round.
  3. Children drag themselves to the kitchen still in pajamas, grumbling something under their breath that I choose to ignore but rhymes with frap. 
  4. Daily complaints over breakfast selection begins with ‘not this again!’  They are waking up—OH YAY!
  5. After breakfast the frantic 100 metre dash to the finish begins….ok clothes, teeth, shoes, bags out the door!  Wait back up….the clothes is only the first battle I will lose among a hundred before exiting the house 15 minutes late, everyone snarling about why Mommy is so angry in the mornings.
Mid-day to Afternoons-
  1. Sad attempt to empty laundry basket has come and gone in vain as the cat has peed in my closet and I must begin to wash every ….stitch…of ….clothing. I own.  The basket will wait until tomorrow.
  2. Clean cat litter to avoid similar start to day tomorrow.
  3. Open freezer to extract lean protein with plans to make something fab and new only to find once it is defrosted that it is completely freezer burned and thus, unusable. 
  4. Find new recipe online to impress the crew this evening.
  5. Go grocery shopping to acquire all ingredients of fab recipe.
  6. Arrive home and begin preparing meal.
  7. Discover there is a second page that I missed and thus only have 2/3 of said ingredients but go with what I have and try to substitute where possible.
  8. Go to the gym.  Get on treadmill, begin to walk….begin to think….omg, I hate this, why do  I have to do this?  So and so doesn’t have to workout….she’s just naturally thin-why can’t I be so lucky?  You know what……I can workout tomorrow.  I can start my week slowly, ease into it, tomorrow, I’ll work out for twice as long!  Ya….that’s what I’ll do!  Tomorrow I will be a machine!  GO ME!!
  9. Pick up kids from school – conversation goes like this: 

Me:  Hi babies! (super happy mom voice) . 

Them:  Hi Mommy

Me:  How was the day?

Them:  fine

Me:  Well that’s great!

Them:  mmhmm

Me:  What was the best part?

Them:  I don’t know

Me:  Well what did you have the most fun doing?

Them:  stuff

Me:  Stuff like what?

Them:  like playing

Me:  Tell me one thing you learned today

Them:  I don’t know

Me:  Ok…think about math…what did you do in math today?

Them:  I don’t remember

I really do try. Origami:  Ya right.  Even I knew that wasn’t going to happen

  1. Dinner is served!
  2. Response expected (or rather desired):  Oh wow Mommy, this looks and smells so yummy!  You must have worked really hard to make this for us.  We can’t wait to gobble it all up.  Thank you so much for how much you care.
  3. Actual response:  EEEEWW!  What is that?!!!  I don’t like that Mommy!  It smells weird.  Smallest child:  It smells like poo.  Other child:  Gross!  I’m not eating poo!  Daddy…mommy is trying to get us to eat poo for supper!
  4. What they eat in the end:  peanut butter and honey sandwiches- it’s not even organic peanut butter!
Bed Time-

  1. Shower time is received with the usual NOOOOO!  I’m not tired!  I don’t want to have a shower!  Mommy, I showered yesterday, I’m still clean (never mind it was 95 degrees today and you played soccer after school for an hour and a half).
  2. So much time is wasted on arguing about not going to bed, not showering and why they have to brush their teeth every……single……night that there is no time left for bedtime reading.
  3. Mommy is told how mean she is and how she never listens or lets them do anything that they want.
  4. Crawl into bed with the littlest.  He snuggles into me and sighs.  I love you mommy.  And just like that; my day is perfect.

Wait….there’s more!

  1. Kids asleep (Mercifully):  I make a cup of tea, prop myself up in the living room to watch an episode of ‘This is Us.’ 
  2. 5 minutes into episode:  I am asleep on the couch, tea is going cold, eventually am woken up by hubby, cannot move neck for the massive crick that evolved from head having lobbed to one side for a solid hour.  Try in vain to shield his eyes from the puddle of drool that has settled on my shirt sleeve.
  3. Crawl into bed and reflect on the day.  Mentally plan for tomorrow and all of the wonderful things that will happen that I didn’t get to today. 
  4. Share plans with hubby.  He smirks. ‘What!?’  I respond.  But can’t help smirking myself.