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ramblings and mumblings before, during and after life the initiation / power

Hey baby baby baby

i was coerced into a mandarin vodca and started thinking about my american boy and how it was better to keep it enchanted in a week iced and lubed, set asunder in the heart and eyes, to be thankful, quiet, afraid to break the delicacy, rupture that skin that laceration that I wanted to suckle on for ever, that i was grateful and humbled and faint from the experience of the flesh and of the sublime.

And how wrong I am when I read letters which you have written and my face is hot and red and I realise i have on your t-shirt and it fucking stinks and that no pj harvey song about love or longing could ever come close to how crazy i feel just to know that some arb digital interaction means that your existence is a reality and that I can indulge these isolated riots.

I am well, fine, allright, still lost in the yesterdays, i washed my hair, shaved, caught up on emails, went grocery shopping, ate sushi, drank 12 cups of water, took my vitamins, painted my nails, sorted out meetings, watched Paris Texas, helped wrap a chrismas present, downloaded photos, slept, thought, slep, thought, thought, thought, thought, thought, bought a cute black woolen cap (yeah, i left mine at the last hotel),

You are on my mind, and for a ridiculous moment of convulsion in the middle of the night i thought you were once again in my panties. This feels good .

and I miss your eyes, your hair, your ear, your mouth but especially your breath on my neck, the total sensation of you, and i can’t bear to write as it only serves as a reminder of you not being here.

so attached is a photo and a writing and that is all i can give you tonight other than my adoration

listening to The Reverind Vince Anderson (check out their rendition of Dancing Queen/ Bye Bye Love)





  1. i have read quite a bit and here is just how i can compare it to my own life; sometimes when i get high i feel like i might jump or twitch, so to stop this from happaning i secretly pinch muself which does stop it, and then the moment passes. The next day i am bruised because of this, but i look at those bruises with the hope i may need to make more tonight.

  2. Would love to chat to you about a Belvedere party. Mail me?

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