How to Calm an Autistic Child

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC

Updated: March 29, 2019

Explore this Article Preventing and Dealing with Meltdowns Calming the Child Using Deep Pressure Calming the Child Using Vestibular Stimulation Exercises Questions & Answers Related Articles References

Autistic children are often overstimulated by things like touch, sound, and light. They can also become overwhelmed and frustrated by unexpected events, such as changes in routine.[1] Because autistic children often struggle to understand or communicate their experiences, they may have meltdowns. During a meltdown, a child may scream, flail wildly, destroy property, or even respond violently to others. Autistic children can frequently become agitated, so it is important parents know how to calm them down. Every child is different so try several techniques to find the ones that work best for your child.

Preventing and Dealing with Meltdowns

  1. 1
    Figure out what triggered the meltdown. Finding the cause can help you keep them away from whatever is upsetting them. This is important in calming an autistic child. Observe your child and try to figure out the triggers for certain behaviors. If a parent or guardian is aware of the child’s triggers, they may be able to avoid it.
    • Keep a notebook to record the child's common triggers will help you to prevent triggering meltdowns. You might also consider using a smartphone app to log meltdowns and their causes.
    • Some common triggers for meltdowns in autistic children are changes or disruptions in their normal routine, overstimulation, frustration and communication difficulties.[2]
    • Meltdowns are different from tantrums. Tantrums are thrown on purpose, as a power play, and will stop once you give in. Meltdowns occur when an autistic person becomes so stressed that they cannot control themselves, and they feel powerless and will not stop until it has run its course.
  2. 2
    Stick to a routine. When there is a routine to be followed, the child can predict what will happen next. This helps to keep the child calm.
    • Illustrated schedules can help the child visually see the routine for the day or week.
    • If you know that there will be changes to the routine on a given day, make sure you take the time to prepare your child. Talk to them beforehand and communicate these changes clearly and patiently.
    • When introducing your child to a new environment, it best if you do it when there is less stimuli. This means bringing your child at a time when there is less noise or fewer people.
  3. 3
    Communicate clearly with your child. Verbal communication is a source of frustration for many autistic children. Talk patiently, respectfully, and enunciate clearly.
    • Avoid shouting or adopting an aggressive tone, as it may worsen the meltdown.
    • If verbal communication is difficult for your child, try communicating through pictures or other forms of AAC.[3]
    • Remember that communication goes both ways. Always listen to your child, and make it clear that you value and respect what they have to say. Ask them questions if you need clarification to prevent frustration-related meltdowns.
  4. 4
    Distract the child if you suspect the cause is emotional/psychological. When your child is upset, you can sometimes calm them down by diverting their attention. Try playing enthusiastically with a favorite toy, watching a favorite video, or listening to a favorite song. If possible, involve their special interests.
    • Distraction won't always work. For example, questions about your sister's rock collections might distract from her fears about getting a flu shot, but it won't fix things if her problem is that her dress seam feels like fire ants on her skin.
    • Once the child is calm again, it is a good idea to talk to them about what made them angry or stimulated them in the first place. Ask them what happened and work together to find ways to prevent it from reoccurring.
  5. 5
    Change the child's surroundings. Your child may be upset because they are hypersensitive and overstimulated. When this happens, it's a good idea to simply bring the child to a different environment, or to change the environment (e.g. turning off loud music), to reduce overstimulation.
    • For example, if your child experiences fluorescent lights as a trigger, it is better to take your child to a room with alternative lighting, rather than forcing the child to put up with it.
    • If the child is in a location where the environment cannot easily be changed, take precautions. For example, you could give your child sunglasses (to prevent hypersensitivity to light) or earplugs (to drown out noise) to wear in public places. Brainstorm precautions with your child.
  6. 6
    Give your child some space. Sometimes, children just need time before they feel ready to re-engage.[4] Try letting them sit for a while to calm down, usually in any area with limited sensory stimuli.
    • Consider safety. Never leave a young child alone and unsupervised, or lock someone in a room.[5] Make sure the child is safe and able to leave if they want.
  7. 7
    After the meltdown, discuss it with your child. Use a solution-based approach: instead of blaming or punishing your child, talk about ways to prevent meltdowns and better cope with stress.[6] Try talking about:
    • What the child believes caused the meltdown (Listen patiently).
    • How similar situations can be avoided in the future.
    • More effective coping strategies (taking a break, counting, using deep breaths, asking to leave, etc.).
    • An escape plan to end future meltdowns.
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Method 1 Quiz

How is a meltdown different from a tantrum?

Not necessarily! It might not be possible to avoid all meltdowns, but you can definitely try to reduce them. Keep a written or digital log of your child's meltdowns. Use the log to look for patterns that might help you avoid them in the future. Try another answer...

Yes! A meltdown is when your child loses control due to a particular trigger, but a tantrum is thrown on purpose. If you can identify your child's triggers, you can avoid meltdowns in the future. Read on for another quiz question.

Try again! Meltdowns can be caused by both over-stimulation and break from routine. Your child might also experience a meltdown if they are frustrated or unable to communicate effectively. Try another answer...

Calming the Child Using Deep Pressure

  1. 1
    Apply deep pressure. Autistic children frequently have sensory processing differences, which can be stressful or even painful. Applying deep pressure causes muscles to relax.
    • Try wrapping your child snugly in a blanket or lay several blankets across them. The weight of the blankets will create soothing pressure, but be sure not to cover their face to prevent interfering with breathing.
    • You can order or create tools designed to provide deep pressure online. Weighted blankets, toys, vests, and lap pads are all possibilities.
  2. 2
    Give your child a deep pressure massage. Massage is a good way for you to interact with your child, while applying deep pressure, which may strengthen the parent-child relationship.[7] Position the child between your legs. Cup your hands on the child’s shoulders and apply pressure. Then, move your hands slowly over their arms and shoulders.
    • If you do not feel comfortable, consider asking a massage therapist for tips. Or, ask someone you know who gives really good back rubs.
  3. 3
    Try a pillow press. A pillow press is done by positioning the child on a soft surface such as a pillow or a couch cushion. Let the child lie or sit down, then use a second pillow or cushion to apply deep pressure to the torso, arms and legs in a slow pulsating manner.
    • Never cover the child's face to prevent accidental suffocation.
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Method 2 Quiz

Why are deep pressure blankets often effective ways to soothe children during a meltdown?

Nope! Deep pressure blankets are not meant to be restrictive. The goal is to calm your child, not pin her down. There’s a better option out there!

Not quite! Deep pressure blankets won't directly impact your parent-child bond. If you'd like to be more involved in calming your child, try a deep pressure massage instead. Guess again!

Not exactly! Calming your child's meltdown is not the same as putting them to sleep. It's okay if your child is still awake, as long as they feel soothed. Pick another answer!

Correct! Deep pressure techniques are used to reduce muscle tension, which can help your child calm down. In addition to blankets, you can try deep pressure massage or a pillow press. Read on for another quiz question.

Calming the Child Using Vestibular Stimulation Exercises

  1. 1
    Understand how vestibular stimulation exercises work. The vestibular system contributes to balance and sense of spatial orientation. Vestibular exercises help to calm the child down using swinging or rocking motions.[8]
    • Repetitive motions sooth and refocus the child's attention on their physical sensation.
  2. 2
    Swing back and forth. Place the child in a swing and gently push them. Adjust the swinging speed, slowing down or speeding up, until your child is calm. If swinging seems to make things worse, stop.
    • It may be a good idea to install an indoor swing to best incorporate technique. This can be accessed no matter what the weather is.
    • Some children can swing themselves. In this case, gently suggest they go to their swing.
  3. 3
    Twirl the child in a chair. Spinning is a stimulating vestibular exercise.[9] This activity will likely stop a meltdown by diverting attention from the trigger and redirecting it to physical sensation.
    • Office chairs tend to work best because they swivel easily.
    • Make sure the child is firmly seated and spin the chair slowly to avoid injury.
    • Some children will prefer to leave their eyes open, while others may close them.
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Method 3 Quiz

How can spinning your child in a chair help resolve a meltdown?

Not quite! If your child is prone to hurting themselves during a meltdown, be careful to spin the chair slowly. They might hurl themselves off and be harmed. Guess again!

Try again! Don't try to spin your child against their will. If your child feels trapped, they might hurt themselves while attempting to escape. Try again...

Absolutely! A gentle spinning motion may take the child's attention away from the trigger of the meltdown and serve as a healthy distraction. Read on for another quiz question.

Not necessarily! The goal of vestibular stimulation exercises is not to relax muscle tension. If you think that would help your child, try a deep pressure exercise instead. Guess again!

Community Q&A

Add New Question
  • Question
    Is it a good idea to restrain a child?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    Definitely not! This will likely make the child panic, and they may injure you and/or themselves as they try to free themselves. Restraint can also lead to emotional issues. Don't touch a child without permission. When in doubt, give them space; it's safer than grabbing them.
  • Question
    How can I stop my child from pulling their hair?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    In the moment, say, "Please stop! You're hurting your head!" Try alternative things that involving pulling: linking her hands together and pulling her elbows apart from each other, playing tug of war with you (offer this if you see signs of stress), or climbing a rope or play structure. Pushing against a wall may also help. Self-injury is usually a sign that she is over-stressed, either in the moment or in general.
  • Question
    What if my 7-year-old autistic little brother is trying to bite me and pull my hair?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    Make it clear that you don't like this. Say "Stop! This hurts! I don't like it!" If he's upset, don't get in his space, and don't feel the need to get too close if you think you might get hurt. Encourage him to attack something that doesn't feel pain, such as his bed or a couch. Most likely, he needs sensory input, so he needs to find a way to get it that doesn't hurt you. Talk to your parent(s) about getting him a sensory diet, and making a plan to teach him to handle distress more safely.
  • Question
    How do I respond when a child throws things?
    Community Answer
    If a child throws things, it means they need vestibular input. Try having them swing or bounce on a trampoline. If the child is small, you can pick them up and spin them around. For the future, pay attention to triggers and find ways to avoid or remove them.
  • Question
    My autistic nephew doesn't have a good sleep every day. Sometimes, he wakes up early at 3 a.m. What can I do?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    Have his parents/guardians take him to the doctor and ask about sleep disorders. Many autistic people experience different types of sleep disorders, which are treatable. A sleep specialist and/or a disability specialist may have advice for helping him sleep better. Also, some autistics don't naturally produce enough melatonin, so having him take some an hour or so before bedtime every night may be helpful.
  • Question
    My autistic brother (who can't talk) is throwing a temper tantrum. What do I do?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    Give him space and don't touch him without permission. You aren't responsible for his feelings, and intruding generally makes things worse. If he's overwhelmed, you could offer him a way to go somewhere quieter (e.g., opening the door to his bedroom in case he wants to run there). If he has a comfort/favorite object, whether it's a cell phone or a stuffed animal, you could get it and put it nearby him so he can grab it if he wants (unless he is breaking things, in which case, put it away for when he's calmer). He might need some time alone to calm down afterwards. It's okay to leave the room and check in on him later.
  • Question
    My autistic little brother lives with my dad. When I go over there, he throws stuff at me. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to him during a calm time. Ask him why he throws things at you (if possible). Explain to him that having things thrown at you makes you feel really upset and bad. Help make a plan about how he can express when something is wrong, and assure him that you'll listen to him. Ask what you can do to help him feel better (e.g. leaving for 5 minutes, giving him a tight hug, telling your dad he needs quiet time). Help him work out another way to express his feelings. If he can't communicate what's wrong, try checking the article Determine Why an Autistic Child Is Aggressive.
  • Question
    My autistic son chews his clothes. How can I stop this?
    Community Answer
    Try giving him other things to chew and remind him to use said chewing-objects when he's stressed.
  • Question
    My autistic brother is starting high school, and I am worried for him. He tends to get frustrated a lot, and he bites his hand and screams. How can we help him and teach him not to? (We've tried almost everything.)
    Community Answer
    Offer him other things to bite, such as "chewlery." Try Ark Therapeutic and Stimtastic for brands. Talk to him if you notice signs of stress building up, and suggest some calming-down strategies that he likes (swinging, chewing the jewelry, going to a [[Make a Calming Down Corner|safe space]], rocking, weighted vest, etc). He may not remember to use them when he's stressed, so it helps if you remind him. If he wants quiet time, make sure he gets it and no one disturbs him.
  • Question
    How do I deal with being autistic when I'm a kid?
    Community Answer
    Try to identify what causes a meltdown or ask for permission to stim when you need it. Also, consider changing schools if your classmates don't accept you.
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    • Speak in a calm, soothing tone.
    • Engage regularly with teachers and other caregivers to provide consistency.
    • Acknowledge and address your own feelings of frustration to avoid taking them out on your child.


    • If you are concerned your child may hurt themselves or others, or if you become overwhelmed and don't know what to do, ask another caregiver for help.
    • Approach your child cautiously if they are flailing or throwing things, or if they might feel cornered. They might accidentally hurt you.

    Article Info



    Categories: Featured Articles | Interacting with Autistic People | Raising Children with Special Needs

    In other languages:

    日本語: 自閉症の子供を落ち着かせる, Português: Acalmar uma Criança Autista, Tiếng Việt: Xoa dịu Trẻ Tự kỷ, Français: calmer un enfant autiste, Русский: успокоить ребенка с синдромом аутизма, Español: tranquilizar a un niño autista, العربية: تهدئة طفل توحدي, Bahasa Indonesia: Menenangkan Anak Autis, Italiano: Calmare un Bambino Autistico, Deutsch: Ein autistisches Kind beruhigen

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