May 2010


A Monthly Advice Column

This month: guest columnist Todd Hanson

Dear Sedaratives:

I don’t care about politics. I really just care about everyone shutting the hell up. Does that make me a douche?

San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Hallie:

Considering that a healthy democracy depends on an informed and involved populace, yes, technically, that does make you a douche. But god bless you for being an honest douche!

Considering all the not-shutting-the-hell-up involved in the last presidential election—which began more than two and a half years before the election itself, and of which only approximately 2 percent was remotely relevant to said election itself (the parts that happened in the last two weeks or so before November 4)—I think the sentiment of wanting everybody to shut the hell up is something anybody, including me, can relate to in a big way.

So let me doff my hat to you, Hallie! You are the only one with the courage to say what we all are feeling!

But again, yes, technically, you are a douche.


We hope you enjoy this excerpt.


Todd Hanson is a writer and editor for the Onion, where he has worked for nearly twenty years. He has also appeared on Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and is a regular cast member of Adult Swim’s Squidbillies. He lives in Brooklyn with his two cats, James Boswell and Dr. Samuel Johnson.


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