giovedì 27 aprile 2017

El tran de Opcina xe nato disgrazià. La dimostrazione scientifica.

Oggi torna in libreria il primissimo Monon Behavior, da tempo esaurito.
E lo fa con una veste nuova, grazie alla copertina di Erika Ronchin (auguri! oggi è il suo compleanno!), e con ben 3 studi extra e altre monadine extra.
Insomma 20 pagine in più dell'edizione originale. Daghe!
E altra roba per la gioia delle spinazze... il tutto a un euro in meno! Il Monon Behavior Remasterizated costa infatti solo 5 euri!
Lo trovate già in libreria a Trieste, presto in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online sulla Botega triestina oppure in versione ebook.
Ed ecco l'anteprima!

Is the Tran of Opcine really born disgraziated?

Monon Behavior Research Department

A famous local triestin song says that the tran of Opcine is born disgraziated, and this seems to be the reason why it is always inciodated. We collected some data in order to estabilish if this is true and if the most famous and loved triestin mezz of transport is in some way salvable or if it is destinated to go no more to Opcine, but to Remengo.

Key words: remengo, cavala zelante, Austria, furlans, stropacul

One of the most important touristic attraction of Triest is the famous Tran of Opcine, an old small railway that colleg the center of the city to Opcine, in the Altipiano, sburtanding a lot to rampigate itself for about 300 meters of dislivel.
However, the tran is very often broken, so the tourists are obligated to visit other triestin attractions, like the bus 36 in summer with the spuzon of scaios or the 17/ with the universitarian nacici or the 20 during the Muja Carnival fracated with a lot of garbanting muleti (Sors, in press).
The reason of this continuous rompidures remains a mistery, even if there is an old triestin song that affirms that simply the tran of Opcine is born disgraziated (Beps, 2016).
This song may be correct, as the maximum pearls of saggezz in Triest are expressed propr by popular songs, like for example:
- “I have a horse that walk zelant and strassinate herself with the ass”.
- “If the mother ask you where is Bertolin, Bertolin has gone to casin”.
- “The fart is a natural thing, who molate the fart will liberate himself from a mal” (Fig. Mal).
- “If I’m paleeda as a straze, vinaze vinaze and fiasks of wine”.
- “And Austria has capoozee that you cannot eat” (Marisa, 1987).
So, the aim of this study is to evaluate if the tran is really born disgraziated or not, and if it is, to understand what we can do to save it.

Fig. Mal. Guy farting, liberanding himself from a Mal.

Material and methods
We used the first person brainsorzing sparing cazadas method to acumulate a good number of indizs about the disgraziety of the tran. Then we evaluated the disgraz factor of each indiz utilizing the scale REMENGO: Rapid Emigration in Mona Enforced by the New Geriatric Order, that is a unit of measure based on how many time an old insempiated triestin send you in mona or to remengo (Patoco, 2012). If the REMENGO SUPREMO is reached, the tran is surely born disgraziated.

We found these indizs about the disgraziety of the Tran de Opcina:

Ambiguous name: some veciones brontolate that it is not correct to write “tran”, but you have to write “tram”, because its etymology derives from the english word “tramway”. But it also may derive from the italian word “tranvai”, so tran may be ugualment correct.
However, an old insempiated exclamated a “remengo, che coioni dei!” imediatament when the word “etymology” appeared in this study, so we assigned 10 REMENGO points.

Being a turistic attraction: for this reason, as all the other triestin touristic attraction, the tran of Opcine is under the nefast effects of the carocogoic malediction of Miramar, and automatically goes to remengo (without passing from the VIA).
REMENGO points: 50

Austrungaric origins: as all other things born under Austria, the tran is subject to the law “se stava meo co se stava pezo” (Teresa, 1762), and has gone automatically to remengo with the arrive of Italy.
REMENGO points: 50.

Lego version: yes, the tran has a Lego version (Note Lego). But, as always, a young mocoloso will zogar too much and will dispicate everything, sending it to REMENGO (10 points).

Incomplete route: the tran is very powerful and rampigate itself de stracagars from Triest to Opcine, where it stops its percors. The old veciones are very incazated for this, because they wanted a real complete osmiza tour, slonganding to Samatorz, Prepot, Malchine, Prosek etc, to impetessar themselves without risking the patent. So the obvious REMENGO is servited (20 points).

Presence of evil portabikes: the tran has the portabikes and can portar three bikes. For the old veciones this is diabolic, because everybody knows their mantra “Trieste no xe per bici”. For this the heretic tran takes 50 REMENGO points.

Riparations always with furia: the tran was made in 1902 by austriacs in 11 months. Now, when it’s broken, it takes at least 1 or 2 years to indrizate it. It is evident that in 2017 these riparations are made with too much furia. The correct modus operandi would be the old pearl of saggezz “Pian e ben, e se no ben almeno pian” (Cagoia, 1921), so the cantier for the riparations would last a lot of years and all the veciones would be happy to watch it.
REMENGO points: 10.

Fastidious esortative in the name: the name tranvai can be scomposed in “Tran, vai!” that is a clear incitament to efficiency and to work. The tran, that is triestin inside, will have a great girament of marones for this reason and will answer “Va ti ah se te ga tuta sta voia!”. Or, if it is in good journade, he will simply answer “Volentieri”.
REMENGO points: 30.

Furlan cospiracy: the song of the tran of Opcine seems to be an evil furlan malediction mascherated.
They tradited themselves with this verse: “Bona de Dio, iera giorno de lavor”. Noone in Triest would write a verse with a so spiccated lanfur philosophy. Instead, a real triestin would write “Che coioni, iera giorno de lavor” or “Bona de Dio, iera tuti in osmiza”.
REMENGO points: 1000

Sommanding all the indizs, we reach a REMENGO level of 1230 points. We are very very over the REMENGO SUPREMO level, as you can see in figure Remengo.

Fig. Remengo. The tran, going to Remengo. Futizated photo of Cayo! Effe de Forum Trieste

So, it is evident that the tran is really born disgraziated, and the last indiz also tell us the primary cause:
The tran is affected by a powerful furlan malediction, contained in its song, secretly written by the lanfurs a long long time ago and donated like a trojan horse to the inconscious triestins, probably aprofintanding of a moment in which they weren’t attent, maybe in summer, at Barcola (Scazz, 1995).
So, the only way to save the tran from going to Remengo is to cancel this furlan malediction, and we know how to do it.

The cure is based on this simple ragionament:
1. The furlan malediction sends the tran to Remengo.
2. “Va remengo” is very similar to “Va cagar” (Patoco, 2012).
1+2 → The furlan malediction send the tran to cagar.
So, the perfect cure is simply a Rosa canina, also known as stropacul. Magnanding it, the tran will no more go to cagar, and neither to remengo.

From our study it is evident that the tran is really born disgraziated. This is dovuted to a furlan malediction mascherated in the popular song “El tran de Opcina” (even if the correct name of the song is “La nuova bora”, but pochi sa).
However, we have the cure, so we need to be fully finanziated to experiment it. Also, we must ciapar a lot of public scheis to realize our revenge plan on furlans. We must perfezionate a malediction that transforms all their semenzes of panoces in semenzes of kren, that is velenous for lanfurs (Guf, 2010).
Chi la fa la spetic.

We thanks the tran for being our favourite mezz of transport since childhood. And we know, maybe it is not disgraziated, but just a little bit too triestin, so it has not voia de lavorar and makes a lot of pause cikin that last some years. Eh bon ah.

Note Lego
The mulon Diego Mozina has per bon realizated a lego tran (Fig. Lego). Now he needs our help: with 10.000 likes the tram could be produced by Lego. You can contribuite in this site.

Fig. Lego. The Lego version of the tran realizated by Diego Mozina.

Beps. 2016. El tran de Opcina rock version. La galina con tre teste
Marisa. 1987. But how mandeengo was that jovinot. Colpo de reni popular songs.
Cagoia G. 1921. How to write a book pian and. Incomplete opera.
Guf E. 2010. Con la kriptonite te mazi superman, ma el kren xe velenoso per un mulo furlan. Ga copà un furlan in bagno. The dark side of the spritz.
Patoco T. 2012. Remengo facebook che no ga el boton remengo. Remengo editore. Anzi, remengo tuti.
Scazz B. 1995. La vita che mi voio xe a Barcola su un scoio. Moleme day.
Sors F. In press.  Beyond the tram: four coriere that need to be ciapated to be a real triestin patoc. Monon Behavior Quel
Teresa M. Kartofen in tecen mit panzeten. Asburgo kulinarien kul in arien.

Bon, e desso tutti in libreria a ciorre una copia del Monon Behavior! Altrimenti la maledizione lanfur non scomparirà nemmeno con un stropacul! ;)

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