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http://schooloffish.wordpress.com/2007/10/12/god-is-okay-with-slavery/ This picture was taken from  archives on slavery.  It was placed in this fiction story written by me….I thought a real picture would help the reader to understand the harsh treatment of slaves.  It was a course that I took that enlightened me to the terrible experience of the MIDDLE PASSAGE and what it did to the many tribes that had been taken hostage by the  SLAVE TRADERS. 

 That is why I had written an earlier post regarding PAT BUCHANNON’S shallow view on the slavery of African Americans and how he, (((PAT BUCHANNON))) thought that black people should be thanking “God” for slavery.  

 I will be writing  short stories based loosely on the readings and  course work I took for my education.  I am not an expert….but being African American and having lived in circumstances as an Afrcian American for 48 years may give me a little insight to attempt to “channel” some of my ancestors and their struggles through fictional dipictions of  slave experiences.

  I hope I do them justice.

At the bottom of this you will find a discussion I raised and copied regarding the emancipation of the  slaves due to Lincoln.


********************  Middle Passage and the Loss of my Village and Family—-Slave Memories…#2

OUR VILLAGE WAS CLOSE BY THE SEA.  MY MOTHER HAD A GARDEN AND MY FATHER  HUNTED FOR OUR FOOD WITH THE OTHER MEN FROM THE TRIBE.  There was a rival tribe that had stolen some of my mothers, and other women’s vegetables from their gardens. 

 Everyone was angry and running around.  I was 8 years old.  My brothers were 12 years old, and 15 years old  and a  7months old.  My parents talked and then my father and my older brothers  ran with their  spears to meet the other tribes men.  They had put on body paint,  and war feathers. 

The tribesmen gather in the center of the village and began to chant and sing and jump up and down until the air was filled with their voices and the dust rose up making swirling clouds around our heads.

  My father and the tribesmen ran from the village in anger and excitement chanting with raised spears.  My mother took me back to our hut and began to prepare the midday meal.  The war was on!  I did not know if my father would be back.

  My mother cooked yam and potatoe and meat.  She seasoned it and then we ate.  Suddenly there was a noise at the far end of the village.  Women were screaming and running in our direction.  My mother dropped her bowl and looked to the center of the village. 

She screamed and then grabbed me and my baby brother.  She pushed us into the jungle and ran, and pushed me and ran some more.  When we came to the beach we saw big things on the water floating. 

 I had never seen anything like that before.  It was brown on the bottom, and had cloth on the top floating in the wind.  Suddenly my mother screamed and I looked up as saw my mother being dragged away from me with my baby brother in her arms. She looked back at me and screamed again and I was picked up and carried away too.

  I began to scream and cry for my mother, and my father.  I remember being in a small boat that carried us to the big brown boat with the floating clothes.  My mother was forced to climb the boat, and I was forced too.  When we got on the boat we were chained together and then put down in a black place that smelled so strong that I gagged and threw up. 

 I was hit from behind and forced to lay down next to my mother and baby brother.  My baby brother had not stopped crying since this all began.  My mother held my hand and I was sobbing. 

 I heard a language I did not understand.  I could only see legs, and arms of people I had never seen before.  They looked angry and they shouted at us.  There were many people from our village, some old men, and some sickly men who had not gone to war with our rival tribe.

  Young boys, girls, and women from our village were on this big boat too.  Everyone was throwing up from the smell.  Everyone was crying and scared of this new tribe that was attacking us in our tribesmen absence. 

What would happen to us?  Where were we being taken?  Why did these tribesmen look so different from us?  Why did they seem so angry at us?  What law of their tribe had we broken?

  Some of my tribesmen and women I heard talking amongst themselves thought that these were evil spirits from our rival tribe that had been sent by their witch doctor to destroy us! 

 What a powerful witch doctor they had…some of the people said.  What will my father think when he comes back from war?  Our tribe was the stronger of the two….we had more people, and our tribe was tall and the rival tribe were not so tall. 

 So our wars with them were usually quick.  Our men would fight and battle for several hours, and injure some of their tribe and then fall back to our village until the next conflict…showing our dominence over them.  But now, who would cook for my father and brothers? 

 Who would cook for all of the tribesmen.  How could they fight this new foe who had taken the whole village captive?  I began to feel sick, and I had to relieve myself.  I was laying down on my back and my legs were aching.  My baby brother was wimpering now. 

 My mother was chanting and squeezing my hand.  The angry strange looking tribesman  started  pulling some of the villagers out of the areas that we were chained to. 

 My mother and baby brother were taken away from me and all I remember was my mother wailing and screaming my name, my baby brother’s name and then her voice cut short and then other villages started to wail and scream to our ancestors.

  Their was alot of noise coming from above my head in the blackness.  I could see specks of light….something dripped on my head and it smell bad.  I threw up again, and then I passed out. 

I woke up again seeing that my mother was gone and so was my baby brother I began to cry.  One of my captors hit the bottoms of my feet with something very hard.  I cried more and then they left me alone.  I had relieved myself on myself.  I smelled it and I threw up again. 

 Next to me was an old man from the village.  He had been quiet for a long time.  I called out to him but he did not answer.  He never answered me.  I knew he was dead.  I screamed for the ancestors to take me away from this black hole and torment. 

 I prayed as my mother had taught me to.  I asked forgiveness of my ancestors for any thing I might have done.  I felt a tug and a yank on my feet and I felt myself pulled to my feet.  The old man came out dead on the floor next to me. 

 My captors separated the chains and then reconnected them to a living  villager man.  They took the old man away and moved me down to the next villager.  They took us out into the open air.

  Something stuck into my foot as I walked.  I stumbled and one of my captors hit me in the back again.  I began to wimper.  I know what wailing would cause to happen so I wimpered to myself and prayed to my ancestors again.

  The sky was clear, blue and few clouds were around.  The big boat rocked from side to side.  I began to feel sick again.  They thrust a liquid in my mouth.  I began to throw  up again. I was hit again from behind and they yelled something at me.  I heard screaming and I saw a woman from the village being chased.

  She ran around the boat while the captors chased her.  They were laughing this time.  She finally was caught and they did  something in a crowd and encircled around her while she screamed out the name of her husband and ancestors. 

 I saw blood come  crawling from beneath the crowd of captors and the woman stoped yelling. 

 There was silence again.  Suddenly one of the captors tossed her dead body over the side of the boat.  Many of us who saw that gasped, and moaned and sung the song of sorrow for the dead. We called as one voice for the ancestors to come to carry her away to our ancestral home.

  We were taken back down to the hole and left until the captors took us out again.  Some men and women and children were beat, until they bled.  Some men were beat until you could see pieces of meat from their backs fly off in different directions.  Then we were taken back into the black hole. 

 Day turned into night and night into day.  One day the big boat stopped and we who had survived were taken from the boat and washed brutally, and greased. 

 New chains were placed on our hands and feet and we were taken into what appeared to be a village with more of the tribes people who looked and dressed differently then us. 

 They looked angry and laughed at the same time.  I passed out.  I awoke on a wood floor.  There was a large animal that looked like something I had never seen before. 

 One of the captors had been sitting and looking away from me.  I looked around and saw some of the villager men who had survived the trip.  I sat up and then I saw a big white hut.  There were other tribes in this new land.  I did not recognize any of them. 

 When the big animal stopped we were all yanked off the wood floor and put on the ground.  I was very weak, and sick.  I began to throw up again.  I was hit again.

  I was yanked to follow my fellow villagers to  a small white hut.  When we arrived more of the strange looking tribesman and some tribes men from my mother land were there.  We were handed bowls of food and we ate.

  This was strange food but it tasted better than the food on the large boat.  I began to feel better.  I looked around and saw animals I had never seen before.  Some were funny….a white bird with a red wobbly skin on its head and neck.  It made funny noises. 

I began to miss my mother and I cried again.  I was hit again. I began to wimper to myself and pray to my ancestors.  I wondered what ever happened to my father and the other tribesman and if they knew what had happened to us. 

I was given a hut to share with other tribesman, and clothes.  I was given work to do in a very, very large garden.  I never forgot my mother, baby brother, and my father and kinsman. 

 I worked until I died from a severe beating. 



This is a document regarding the emancipation of the slaves……





Abraham Lincoln and


Abraham Lincoln and Emancipated Slaves, April 1865

Richmond Virginia, the Confederate Capitol fell on April 3, 1865. The following day, April 4, 1865, President Abraham Lincoln went to the fallen city. Throngs of slaves were in the streets, celebrating their first day of freedom, and welcoming Lincoln. Thomas Nast captured this historic event with his drawing presented at your right.  This is perhaps the best portrait of Mr. Lincoln ever produced.  It shows that while Lincoln was to tragically die 10 days later, he did, if only briefly, get to see the fruit of his leadership and resolve.  He was able to see the grateful tears of the emancipated, and hear their cheers of appreciation. There is a fascinating story about this day, so please click on the image for the full story of the day that Abraham Lincoln walked the streets of the fallen Rebel Capitol.

braham Lincoln Entering Richmond Virginia


MIDDLE PASSAGE AND THE MEMORIES OF A SLAVE~~~Fiction by Riveroflifelisajoy

Ma name is John Smith.

Ah, been in dis here plantation since a

was a young chile..sold offin’

my Mama befo’ I was ten.

But Ah memba’ my Mama face

and my Mama hands.

My Mama face wuz brown

tired and sad. 

She wore a ole’ faded

red head rag.   She would

take me wid her to clean

the chicken coups

and feed the cows.

Ah would play and chase

the chickens!

One day the master

of  da house came and

picked me out from

ma friends and told

my Mama it wuz time

fo’ me to go!

I wuz too big to

be playin’ anymo’.

The master sent ole’

Joe, the helper to carry me off

to the market to be


Ah cried and kicked and

screamed fo’ my


She just stood a lookin’

after me and did not

move to help me!

Ah watched my Mama

grow tiny as the horse,

cart  pulled me and the otha’ slaves who

was packed into it away from

my birth plantation to a

new and dangerous beginin’!

Ah wuz sold to the Williams.

Mr. Williams was kind, but

his son was the mean one.

He liked to beat slaves fo’ nuthin’

and then leave um to die if they

put up a fuss.

He would jus’ buy mo’

slaves the next day.

The Williams plantation

was a cotton plantation.

Hard work, pickin’ cotton,

cuts up yo’ hands and stuff.

Ah grew big and strong.

I could carry three times my weight

on a good day.

So young master Williams took

good care uh me. 

But ah hated ta see

my friends suffer so.

One day we heard of the


Ah  decided to run awa’.

No, Ah told ye, that Master Williams

wuz good to me.  Ah just wanted to see

my Mama so bad.

Ah did not care about good treatment.

Ah wanted to be free! 

Ah made a chance run fo’ it

one night.

Ah wuz tryin’ ta meet

up wid the UnderGround RailRoad

in the forest.

Ah, made a mistake.

I told ole’ Buck, who curries the

Master’s horses.  He warn’ me

not to try it!  Ah, told him to minds his business!

I could out run any dog, or horse….cause the master

fed me the best food cause ah carried the heavy loads and pulled

plows when the horses went lame.

Sos’  I think that is why I wuz caught so fast.

When they draggs’ me back to the

plantation, there was ole’ Buck a lookin’

at me.  From a distance he kept gettin’

bigger, and bigger.  He stood right at

the wipping post and look at me….just starin’

and shaking his ole’ grey head.

When they tied me up I could see dried

blood where other slaves had been beat.

It wuz a cloudy day.

It wuz a hot night.

They found me in the day and wup me

deep into da night.

Young Master Williams took a break

from his workin’ my back, and

then told his workers to continue on

till the next mornin’ just wupin’

my back.

I stop yellin’ and then I don’t

member nothin after dat.

All I know is that I found ma’self

sittin up here wit Jesus, and da


Oh, and I found Mama too!

Except  she got a big smile on

huh face, and she wearing a white

dress and she don’t look tired no’ mo’.


Fiction Depiction of Slavery

by Riveroflifelisajoy


Before I proceed allow me to explain.  It is important to understand this one major point.  NO WOMAN SHOULD BE ABUSED FOR ANY REASON AT ALL!  NO HUMANBEING SHOULD BE ABUSED FOR ANY REASON AT ALL!

   Now,  I will proceed.  I looked at the blogs and news paper articles on Minister Juanita Bynum and her marriage abuse/domestic violence episode that is ripping her marriage and ministry. 

Then I looked at Wendy Williams of the Wendy Williams Experience, and her EEO case with Nicole Spence involving her husband Kevin Hunter and –the domestic violence episodes that are threatening her very lucrative career. 

 I began to wonder.  Wendy has a following of faithful listeners, and Juanita Bynum has a following of faithful listeners TOO! 

Strange huh?!  Except Wendy does not preach the Gospel. 

 Wendy has a daily four hour show that goes from  2:00 P.M. until 7:00 P.M. .  Juanita Bynum has a church,  has CDs,  DVD’s for sale,  she tours the country and many, many other options for reaching her flock of faithful followers! 

 The obvious similarity is that they are both HIGH POWERED TYPE- A- PERSONALITY BLACK WOMEN! 

Who can rival them?—–THEIR HUSBANDS! 

 Both Wendy Williams and Juanita Bynum are both powerful black women that stand tall and stong in their own work and careers.

 Yet they are challenged by the problems of domestic violence in their home ((((which is being displayed publicly))) despite their efforts to keep private pain private. 

 Why are their husband’s possibly challenging these two strong women in their careers? 

Why would  the  husbands  of these two very opposite…yet equally powerful and influential women–  allow their private marital behavior jeopardize their very successful wives in the year 2007 and 2008? 

  Let us think for a  moment….As  African Decent  women,  Wendy Williams and Juanita Bynum have come a long way and have taken the lead within the black community in the United States, and possibly even in the world and the “global economy!” **Not to mention Ophra of course***

 Wendy Williams was broadcasting from California today!  She attracts all walks of life,  despite her sporadic rants about “white people” and her blackness.

  She recently complained about how her son’s Montclair New Jersey school district have suggested that the children wear “green” for  St. Patricks Day.  But when she had inquired as to what the children could wear for “Black History Month,” or “Martin Luther King Day”….she was flatly told that there was nothing that the children could wear for such annual events in American Society. 

 So Wendy did not say that she would not have her son wear green….or wait a minute …my mind is not clear if she was against him actually wearing the green but I remember Wendy Williams  stating “I have a plan for that day.”   This is a strong woman. 

 She maintains her “HOW YOU DON’IN”  AND “Hee Haw”  for the “Donkey People (folks who do not know how to avoid being used and abused, and coming back for more…or the people  who “steal” other people’s mates etc., etc.,)  But as she states….”At the end of the day …I am a mother and a wife!” 

That is why this whole circumstance of the domestic violence and the Nicole Spence EEO issue  has floored me. 

That is why I looked at Juanita Bynum,  whose “No More Sheets” sermon stirred so many Christian and Non-Christian Believers to stop taking less in life; stop taking less in their personal relationships; and take back from the devil what he stole from them….their pride,  their self esteem,  their will to live,  their joy…..etc., etc..

Believe it or not….Wendy Williams and Juanita Bynum have alot in common….They just reach people in a different way.  Juanita Bynum preaches and uses scripture and Wendy Williams uses a SideKick  Charlemene. Wendy Williams also uses her various interactive draws called  Dons and Divas Dances, and  even children in events for Easter  (last year  2007). 

 I did not hear anything about a children Dons and Divas Kiddie affair for 2008—I might have missed it.  Sound Effects,  Ghetto Street Talk, Alternative Life style talk and various genres of communication to preach her message of intelligence. 

 Wendy always tries to tell those who feel like misfits in the current society that they will be accepted on her show. 

 Now,  unfortuneately   I have seen, and heard about the Christian Church…not so nice things on the level of accepting the”misfits of society” based on religious reasons….(((despite Jesus reprimand  of men who wanted to stone the harlot woman for her sins….

Jesus said, “He without sin cast the first stone….and No one cast the stone….they all walked away ashamed.”  Jesus truly turned to the harlot woman and told her to “Go and sin no more,  your sins are forgiven!”  Sometimes this verse is very seldom discussed or preached….I wonder why? 

Well,  any way….I will continue this further later on. 

 But just think about it for a minute….The two women I am comparing and contrasting here are both black,  high powered…..and very, very, very famous in the black community for different reasons…yet they both suffer from domestic violence. 

 But my question still remains….Is it the  effects of the power and the fame on the marriage that causes the stress and the strain? 

 Did these two women,  or other women  permit themselves to stay in bad marriages, or abusive relationships in order to maintain that appearance of SUCCESS to the OUTSIDE WORLD AT LARGE?

 To many Christians,   it does not seem proper to have a broken marriage after telling people how “Jesus can set the sinner free from bondage to death, hell and the grave.” 

It looks odd that Jesus is seemingly unable to prevent two Christians from breaking up, or fighting with each other over serious or silly issues.

  Personality conflicts,  irreconsilible differences that legal documents site for marriage break ups…seem strange in the Christain faith…because we are suppose to look beyond our differences and look at what fits the marriage like glue….JESUS!  

So that is  possibly why the Powerful Juanita Bynum and her abusive marriage/domestic violent episode  is rocking the Christian Church and is so very painful and humiliating to watch, and hear about in the media. 

We want Jesus to fix it.  But see,  it has to be fixed within the two people….they have to both be willing….they have to release the issues that have bound them and then open themselves to healing. 

How difficult is that for such a Powerful Preacher Juanita Bynum and her Powerful preacher husband?

With Wendy Williams,  the struggle is severe but also it takes a different turn.  Wendy’s job as a Radio Shock Jock Journalist, is one in which she constantly opens the private lives of well known celebrities to public view through discussion, or interview. 

Now, listen,  Wendy always states….”I did not do the actual research….I only repeated what I read National Enquirer or  “Life and Style” Magazine.  So you can’t say I had an insider tell me and I let the cat out of the bag.”—Wendy Williams…(paraphrase only) 

No,  but she does discuss celebrity gossip as a major part of her show ~~~~just like I am writing about and comparing and contrasting her and Juanita Bynum. 

 If you do not pass gossip along…then you are not a gossiper….but if you join in on the chain of lies…or truths…or whatever they be….you then cannot say that you are not part of the problem….can you? 

 Example,  Britney Spears personal struggles have been so hightlighted by the media that every body knows that Britney Spears may go out on the town with out underwear on ….to night clubs etc.  How do we all know about that? 

  Because the media gossip columnist and Rag Mags,  and Shock Jocks on the radio, and even the regular news channels are constantly showing pictures, or describing  Britney Spears even doing mundane activities like shopping with a friend.

Thus  Wendy Williams is being trashed by her rivals for being a gossip shock jock and now she is embroiled in her own personal dilemmas. 

 So her rivals on Hot 97 are jumping up and down at her troubles and  Wendy is catching the Heat!  

 Wendy is catching the heat like no one else…except Janet Jackson did after her “wardrobe malfunction” during that football game a couple of years ago. Perfect lovable Janet Jackson made a big mistake and it took several years to live it down. 

 The public is not very forgiving of its’  “American Idols”–so it seems.  Thus the troubles of Wendy Williams—high powered black woman in a high stakes position in the radio and television media/journalism industry….So again I ask…

.Why would her also “black” husband not realize the opportunity they both have to pave the road for young minorities of all races….are the issues in the marriage that severe or that trivial?

  It is like being at the top of a mountain….Let’s say Mount Everest….a very tall mountain upon which you can see the future….and yet you worry about a splinter in your finger!

  To remedy that splinter is easy….but that distance you wish to travel will be a long, long road filled with bumps, valleys, dark places, and bogs….so move forward and not look back.

  It is sad to see our hopefuls that give our youth vision….for the Old Testament states….”Without a Vision the People Perish!” 

  So that is why I  focused on these two women and the men they are married to.  Do they not realize that their lives have impacted on so many generations  to come?  Probably not.

The problem I have with domestic violence is that it appears that the man (any man)  who either rapes a woman,  or beats a woman….uses those extreme methods to have POWER over a situation inwhich the man feels powerless. This is a difficult issue to say the least.

What do you think?
















Keep up the great work.


Follow the list and then go out and get the movie!

  • The X-football player and his wife.
  • Thank you for the enjoyment.


Congrats Tyler Perry!  




Controversy of the New Governor Paterson: I Need Parental Guidance for the Latest News Stories! Wow! Threesomes….I never thought such Words would be connected to Elected Officials!

   Jay Jewels Cry FOR HUMANITY(Jay Jewels “Cry for Humanity”)

I just can not take it anymore!  I had heard alot of negative things about Spitzer  before this  big mess came to the front.  All I want to know is this.  When he was having these activities where were his security team? 

Look,  I really do not want to discuss Spitzer.  I just want to know why the news papers have to keep making each head line full of words that you do not want to discuss in front of your kids….even your older kids for that matter.

  I am very open  in discussion with my family on many topics.       But the McGreevy issue was so way over the top of my level of existence I was embarressed.  I felt like I had a furtive glance over at the dirty magazine section in the subway newsstand!  I do not know what the future holds! 

What was worse is  that today I saw our new Governor’s wife’s foot bottom with her big toe sticking way out from underneath her leg in a yoga pose on the front of the Daily News!  Is that really neccesary?  Is it required to show every aspect of our elected officials private selves?

  I will not have the bottoms of my feet and big toe photographed just to get a private sector or public service job!  I just do not get it!  Did the legally blind new Governor Paterson cheat on his wife for three years or less? 

 Why did I have to know about it?   I do not believe any one has not cheated …even if it has been emotional cheating.  You know what I mean.  The type of cheating that involves the phone calls to a good “friend” from work. 

 You eat lunch with this person and laugh about job issues, get frustrated together,  complain about the same stuff and cry on each other’s shoulder when the other does not get that much wanted  promotion.  YOu know what I mean!  That job friend that is of the opposite  sex! 

 Emotional committment….days that person is absent from work…are empty days.  Sometimes you might even tell your spouse that you work friend was sick and work slowed up in his or her absence!  You just could not hide your emotions about the empty feeling you had all day.  So now you mope!

Any way,  I digress!  The problem I find in all of this open discussion is that after a while everyone will be found guilty!  Even today in the AOL Black Voices blog….the mayor of Detroit, who is black  is now being told to step down for not telling the truth about his affair! 

 This had nothing to do with his actual job.  But if you have cheated on your spouse, or had an affair you must come clean about it!  Or you face being let go under big,  big,  shame!  “THE SCARLET LETTER HAS RETURNED!”  —for those of you who are literature buffs! 

 Do we have to now tell of the crushes we had as little kids, tweens, teenagers,  then pets we owned,  aunts, uncles, we liked  or did not like?

  Do we have to tell of the time we accepted a gift and then turned around and regifted it because we lied about how much we liked something and really didn’t?  Are there going to be lie detector tests that will analize whether we tell somebody that the dress they brought looks good on them or not and whether we mean it? 

Do you have to now double check yourself and your personal relationships before you apply for a job?  Where will this end?  Public service is truly public isn’t it?  I just can’t take it any more. 

 I do not  want to know so much personal information.  I want to just know that I can get my taxes lowered,  get an increase in my annual pay,  go to college cheaper,  pay for my dental work cheaper….lose weight safely and go on trips in our free country!  Prosititution is not acceptable….definitely not! 

But do I have to see Governor Paterson’s wife’s FEET on page #2 of the Daily News?  Can we leave nothing private?  I never saw Nancy Reagan’s feet,  I never saw Hillary Clinton’s feet,  I never saw Jimmy Carter’s (President Carter’s) wife’s feet! 

 So why is Mrs. Paterson’s life so exposed?  JUST TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!!  JUST LOWER THE RATES OF CAR INSURANCE!


Can we get back to business please and save the planet and mankind please!  The only bare foot I want to see is that of a homeless person getting shoes and socks put on it! 


Thank you.





























TWICE REMOVED- reflections on losing a loved one to skizophrenia — by RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY

hunger-in-a-box.jpgThis picture was painted with water color and it is called “hunger in a box” in August  2007 by riveroflifelisajoy.—It represents the lack of  understanding, and lack of support for the families of those suffering with  skizophrenia in todays  society. 

It is the last and final taboo that no one wants to talk about in 2008  and before.  Maybe things will change as people open up a forum and talk about the dilemmas that are created for the families of the afflicted persons.    

 This  little essay is based on the poem…”Don’t love me too much.–by riveroflifelisajoy (me).    My husband  was a corrections officer for seven years ,  he was hired and had to withstand psychological evaluation and he had passed.

  Yet after seven years of  being a corrections officer at RikersIsland, a father, homeowner,  owner of three cars, and a time share in the Poconos, and husband –we,  He and I  had  stood  looking at the crossroads. 

 We had come to the end of our journey together.  In sickness and in health,  till death do us part.  I even allowed myself to  state that I would honor and obey him to the gasp of all in the church during our wedding.  People were shocked for some reason.

  For today’s women they want to be much more independent than that.  How could I want to honor….but much worse….OBEY?  Malachi?  I  think that the women in the church thought I had brought them back 100 years before the femminist revolution.

  Who cares?  I thought;  Malachi had proven himself trust worthy.  His gentle ways, and care and concern were continuous throughout our 2 1/2  year relationship before our marriage. 

 He gave utmost care and compassion to my mother and her problems with her house.  My Malachi painted the rooms of my mother’s house before he married me. 

 He did not try to take advantage of my mother by asking her for money or loans of any type.   Instead he allowed her to ask him for help which he gave without financial gain.  He told me  that since  I lived with my mother,  that he wanted me in a nice looking house.

  He wanted me happy and healthy.  One day he picked me up from work and then pulled over and proposed to me.  I was warmed and at peace—I said yes.  It was beautiful.

When Malachi became a corrections officer  he  changed  after a  few years on the job.  That job is difficult and stressful.  Things have changed quite a bit from those days (1995)….or so I have heard. 

 Before my  dear Malachi had a  goal to become a minister–but then his attitude began to change after we purchased our home.  He had worked atleast 70 to 80 hours per week of overtime to make the money to buy our home. 

 After that it seemed that the stress took its affect.

Losing him affected me and our child and further more the entire extention of Malachi’s family–His family lived in deep denial and blamed and attacked me on behalf of Malachi. 

His family also was quite well off finanically and could afford to care for him without him taking out social security benefits at the young age of 35 years old.

  They did not want my son to aquire social secuity benefits because I would be the person in charge of the money that would come to my son. I would also be eligible as a legally married woman…which of course I was and still am. 

 My son stood to receive $700.00 per month based on his father’s disability. 

 Therefore,  my mother inlaw bluntly informed me that I was to go back home to my mother because I was going to lose my house; and that I would crawl on the ground for the rest of my life for money.

  I returned home to my mother and I did lose my house. My son has never received “child support”, or the social security benefits that his father should have applied for–but never did.  

 Malachi’s  mother tried to take my son from me by means of ploting and lying.  She did not succeed.   But she  created a lack of family in my son’s life for nine years.

  Instead of the family coming together during Malachi’s time of need…they separated and attacked me. 

 They  combined as a family in order to  assault  me…but separated from me and Malchi’s son.

   I was told by Malachi’s uncle , who was a Assistant Pastor in his church, not to ask for any help.

  I  was left with over two hundred thousand dollars  of  debt. My house  went into foreclosure and I could not sell it without Malachi’s signature;  my son and I moved back to my mother’s house.

  I became emotionally bankrupt…but most of all financially bankrupt.  So Skizophrenia did more than just attack the mind and body of my husband Malachi. 

There have been many crying nights.  But the power   has been in people who have challenged me to continue on and have faith for the best.

But you see my Malachi had been stabbed in the top of his head when he was a corrections officer.  He handled it well at the time…but that did not stop the after affects. 

The illness that he suffered was not caused by the job…but yet it could have been aggrevated nonetheless. 

Malachi had resigned from his job before it was found out that he was sick.  Therefore there was nothing the job was obligated to do for me as the wife,  or Malachi himself.  Such is life.

But I always know that the disease is distructive and takes away loved ones.  See,  my Malachi refused to take medication and his parents agreed. 

 Thus  the missing Malachi.  He walked away from everything and everyone he knew.  He lived a tortured life…believing he was being chased by several unseen to the naked eye–foes.

His life was a good one…yet the family is left to suffer and live on without answers to the unknown….(whether he is dead or alive).

  Unfortunately it is true…most mentally ill people if not on medication become statistics and homeless people on the streets,  jails,  or hospital wards in prisons  for the mentally ill—or worse yet….DEAD. 

 The  mentally ill die on the streets even in the United States ….actually throughout the world.  I will add the facts from a research essay I wrote later on.

For now….till  next blog….

…..hope all is well with you and yours—-riveroflifelisajoy!