4/12 Journal of Pork Attack Blitzer War Pig

Pork Attack Battlewagon bounce deeper into wasteland. War Pig tripping absolute balls on Morkic Mushrooms. Out window piles of garbage on fire. Warpstoners writhe in gutter, shrieking, sprouting horns and slimy new appendages. Lineboi Gak Jerky turn to Pig, eyes all bright red pupil, whisper: “This is Rat Country…”

Time turn blue then green, then melt before Pig’s very face. Battlewagon skid into lot at Mouse Trap, home of Skuttle Butts. In locker room, coach Bort seem to wear long blonde wig and highest heels as he screech about “Bacon Pride!” and “Must-win-game!!” Hol Hog unleash seismic Troll Fart. All too much for War Pig. Pig pass out…

War Pig wake up standing, drum beat ring in ear, grass beneath cleats, whistle go, but Pig gone blind! Pig heart rate spike, but right quick realize mask just pulled down too low. Pig fix eye holes, see rats have ball, howl bitter mushroom death rage, charge! 

Mushroom brain turn grass to liquid, War Pig throw double 1’s, tear groin. Turn freaking 1.  Game tone set, deja vu to last week. War Pig writhe, slowly sober up in maim/dead box.  Orkish armor fail time and again like sissy loser rags.  Porkers stumble to sad sad loss.

War Pig promise fans to enter rehab.  No more head drugs for Pig during season.  Daily Sow Slave groin massage.  Pig will return stronger and more raging.