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An awakening can take on a variety of different meanings. Here are some examples:

  • Rude Awakening - defined as being sound asleep, only for some bastard to perch their ass over your head, and fart heavily such that both the sound and smell awaken you
  • Sexual Awakening - You liked using that whip, didn't you, and the gimp suit, yes, and don't think we don't know what you did with that ring. You just had a sexual awakening my friend.
  • Awakening - The transitional process from staggering around like you've just woken up the following morning after being drugged and raped, which may in fact explain the soreness and rubrication, to becoming a fully functional citizen troll (see GNAA).
  • Existential Awakening - The realisation that after you die, all your possessions will be seized and that in 100 years, it won't matter any way.
  • Pretend Awakening - Either I made this up, or you're actually still asleep.
  • Undead Awakening - Great, now look what you've gone and done, you've just raised up an evil undead army.
  • t.v. awakening - elmo is hunting big bird to warn santa about giving him coal for chrismas
  • Magick awakening - when you realize that reality is the collective subconsciousness of every being, then you can can consciously effect changes to reality via willpower, beliefs, and specific magical techniques.


The word Awakening was originally derived from the word Awaken which itself was a variation of the word Awake! which was formed as a result of needing a simple monosyllabic word that Jehovahs' Witnesses could recognise the world over and thus inventing the planet's first form of religious spam, distributed out all over the earth from a giant evil watchtower in the sky where the Bible is constantly scrutinised, and errors are revealed in full by this organisation. Recently, a rebellion sect called Jehovah's Plaintiffs have setup a competing magazine called Asleep! which lies claim to pointing out that Jehovah's Witnesses are "n00bs" and that they should in fact "RTFM" before passing comment, Watchtower was unavailable for comment and denies their existence.

The Awakening[edit]

The Awakening is some book about feminazis and their quest for power in America, which utterly failed.