Drink Order

I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order.

I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called Seven Young Blondes?" I asked.

He admitted he'd never heard of it and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him.

"Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully. "Sauvignon blanc."

"Real 911 Calls"

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the fire department could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you imbecile! This is her husband!