There is a house in my head

There is a house in my head. Not a whole house, but parts of a house, aspects of a house. The house and its surroundings go in and out of focus as I look. There are no missing rooms, or rooms that are locked and unable to be entered. Instead when I look, there are big unknowable holes between the fabric of one room and the next. Gaps and emptiness. When that happens, like when I wonder where the fridge is, I can see myself: black backdrop, travelling slowly through a motorised-shutter blurring long-jump leap across from one known point to another. A point of view that hangs in space as it waits for the room to catch up.

It’s better outside. The grass is an acre, I reassure myself of that, and there are plans that tell me so. But the hills beyond the boundary line go on forever or at least until all the green becomes blue and then too indistinct (indigo) to be anything really. I like the foreground trees and the animation brought into the scene by a goanna that walks confidently in the sunshine. Swaggers; that’s what it does, it swaggers. Though that’s probably due to the arrangement of limbs and low centre of gravity rather than an attitude I give it. Even after it has left the lawn I still see swagger. I have a goanna in my head now too.

The grass underfoot is plashy so that my footsteps leave a trail of trodden leaves. I leave no other visible mark. The house sits high on a ridge surrounded by green, then blue, then indigo. This is depth of field and aerial-perspective, other earlier things tell me this. The house is in my head but where I have walked, footsteps remain visible around the house. Somewhere in my head I gauge distances by colour. Somewhere in my head is a circle of my own footsteps.

And then when I step inside again, the fridge is there in the kitchen beyond the line at the edge of the photograph. It is not clear if fridge was always beyond that, but it is the likeliest explanation. The room I stand in now tracks beyond its previous limit. I am inside the room but the house is in my head. Soon the demarcation line of the photograph no longer dithers across the plane of the kitchen but fades and subsides until I can no longer see it. What was in or out of shot in the photograph no longer matters. I collage together the images from whatever source they came from. Of course the fridge was where the fridge is. It exists. In my head I have a house, and in the house there is a fridge, and somewhere outside (and inside) there are my footsteps on the greenest of lawns.

Manual of dance steps the law of opposition

A gently persuasive argument both feet jumping obedient to the expectation of staidness without lifting the foot turn on the slide the slow loosening bending stretching raising lowering turning the head alert discipline struggle against agitation the book complete control of prayers follows the high hand prolonged arching body strict down a staircase the greater the beatings step swing step close a limping step making useful compared to movement heels any number of times with foot closing in front each time the helter skelter ride the slightest accelerates open the feet in the air and land in a closed position enforcing a tiny bend and a jump upward shuffling steps not suitable three little steps on the ball of the foot an eye strike heels it a shocking thing it was improper to reach the foot leaves the floor embraces faceless gaze backward extension for forward unceasing the intensity as discreetly as possible last to leave the floor and first to regain it well articulated with leaping turn traverse the dark recesses insidiously to leap or throw the weight from one foot to the other as if from below imposed coercion already elaborate repeat with both feet once began none of those distractions slow down bend then hop then land the raised leg slightly bent backward she could not stop change from foot to foot nothing to compare to those red shoes corrective right leg forward backward sideways same with left leg deprivation carried her for sixteen measures moving forward disciplinary mechanism to train or correct leg and ankle stretched as far as possible according to their crimes completely around in all directions extraordinary evil swing the foot forward and backward in the dark steps executed in all directions forward just as she was lifting her raised foot behind in moving backward cruel and ingenious rising on the toes of both feet out into the street confessed her sin to the executioner continue hopping on same foot their greatest intensity the shoes danced away left foot then executes the beatings a brightness in a half-opened spectacle the spin and stop of evil drawing into position increased when fear and death overcome just and legitimate harm the workings of profound submission from one to the other remorse and despair gnaw at her circles described on the floor she kissed the hand that guided the axe executed from a raised to a raised position regulates the body the right arm is high takes possession the more lively forward body bends to right to left arms move hold left foot in position her remorse the more painful the toes must be well stretched overthrown by violation devoured never tired continue tiring repeat with right foot with arm movements discipline brings into play its power in front of the head the body straightens strange deploys transmits there is not homeward in rejection outward or backward and inward by the leg which changes making a function repeat sidewards right and left legs from the outside perpetual threat moving backward by sliding left compulsory apply the body is held upright left behind the contagion of bodies mingling together without respect in line with forward foot entrap the whole run of notes exhaust any desired number of times turning dies in disorder making a complete right turn follow one another no immediate control over deserted streets on the toes back til the heel touches confusion and disorder the violent agitated unreflective reaching body bends naturally away unrelenting toes rise on the toes arms move through positions it bends bodies to regular movements dancing on absent hop step step the most intemperate least ready to repent the foot from left to right resumed with great liveliness head thrown back punitive rigour a series of pronounced leaps something violent aroused with straight legs accompanied the procession as it is chased away moving repeat to left the great travelling fair of crime transferring the weight furies displayed the explosion of a mad joy let us submit with a tiny bend of the knees without fear struggling contemptuous in all beatings except backward with penalty disdains never ceases and swing with one foot unceasingly the body sway each change demand measures that are all the more strict to execute the described in the air.

Angela Gardner: “This piece derived from notes made while watching the movie ‘The Red Shoes’ with selected quotes from Foucault’s ‘Discipline and Punish’; interleaved with instructions on dance steps from Elsa Pohl’s 1922 ‘Manual of Dancing Steps’ . It is part of an artist book project for an exhibition I am curated into.”

Angela Gardner is the author of two collections of poetry Views of the Hudson, published by Shearsman Press UK in 2009, and Parts of Speech, published by University of Queensland Press in 2007. Angela’s work has appeared in Meanjin, Poetry Wales, Brand Literary Magazine and Kenyon Review Online as well as print anthologies.She was awarded an Australia Council Literature residency 2008 and the 2006 Arts Queensland Thomas Shapcott Poetry Prize. She also practices as a visual artist. link for her shearsman book is

link for her UQP book is:


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