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ProJared & Trisha Paytas - H3 Podcast #116

Ethan Klein

ProJared & Trisha Paytas - H3 Podcast #116 Lyrics

Speaker 1: Coming to you in five, four, three, two-

Ethan: Hello, and welcome H3 Warriors. Today we go to war! That's my new thing.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Get your sp-, forks, pitchforks, and spears, and torches, especially. Because it is a drama filled, juicy day. Everybody rejoice and celebrate because not only is it Friday, today, the Lord’s day. Or the Lord's day would be on Sunday, but I think the Lord also likes Friday. Am I wrong, Hila?

Ethan: The Lord's day is actually Saturday.

Hila: I thought it was Saturday.

Ethan: In Israel.

Hila: In Israel.

Ethan: So in America the Lord’s day is Sunday. Which is, which is the true Lord's day. Because the Lord can't have two different days. So you guys need to get on the same page there. I'm saying my Lord's day, if I'm the Lord, it's Friday. Because TGIF baby, thank god it's Friday.

Dan: Thank you, Lord.

Ethan: You know who said that originally? Jesus.

Hila: Jesus?

Ethan: Jesus. What was I talking about? Juicy, drama-filled, very special episode of the H3 Podcast. Brought to you, thank you to For Hims and Ring, for bringing us this juicy, drama-filled episode. They aren’t just our sponsors, they are coincidental, they didn’t bring us the drama. Like For Hims.

Hila: Liked the (laughs)-

Ethan: Like For Hims gave Jared the boner pills to-

Hila: Oh (laughs)-

Ethan: To search him over the top. ProJared, I'm sure you guys heard. This is a phenomenal ... I’ve got a lot to get to. First of all, we made a new video. Instagram verse reality. And then, this whole drama blew up from that, which I totally did not expect. My goodness. This girl, Trisha Payata ... Payata.

Hila: I don't think you're saying it right.

Ethan: Anyone help me out back there with the pronunciation?

Dan: It's Paidis. Trisha Paidis.

Hila: Paidis.

Ethan: Oh my goodness. I wasn’t even close. I just saw some P's and some I's and some A's. I'm not a scientist. Trisha Pa- Paidis. So we've got that to talk about. She made a video, crying on her kitchen floor, which surprised me.

Speaker 2: (laughs).

Ethan: It just surprised me is all. But we'll talk about that in response to my video. Then ProJared is this phenomenal-

Hila: (laughs)-

Ethan: ProJared is this phenomenal, I've never seen the likes of which a drama has totally destroyed and burned a man alive. He was consumed by-

Hila: It's like a wildfire. (laughs).

Ethan: Dragon fire. Yeah. It's frightening, quite frankly. How quickly this man's whole life, as you see on the TV, his subs, even know are just dipping into the abyss. He started over, he had one, let me show you. I'm getting ahead of myself, but I want to show you for context. If I just go ProJared, Social Blade. Um, I don't know, even in, in all my time on YouTube-

Hila: Wow.

Ethan: With Logan Paul, with what- what were the other big ones. Like, I mean, with Leafy and Logan Paul, those are kind of the two biggest backlashes I can think of in modern YouTube history. I have never seen a single loss day like this. 103,000 lost, in one day.

Dan: I wonder if that's a record?

Ethan: I, I think it is.

Hila: I wonder, too. I don't know.

Ethan: I don't know, well what's remarkable is that, like he has a million subscribers. That's 10 percent of his entire fan base.

Hila: All right, look at-

Ethan: Vanishing like a Thanos snap.

Hila: Look at what he was getting daily before. Like to go from 50 to minus 100,000.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: Just the difference.

Ethan: Yeah, I mean ten percent. The thing is, like a million is small, is kind of small comparison to like Logan Paul and Leafy's-

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: So they didn't have anywhere near that loss. So the per capita loss of actually losing ten percent is so staggering. And it's still going on, obviously, right now. I've never seen anything like it, and we may never see anything uh, the likes of which again. And there's just been so, uh, absolutely phenomenal memes, the story's incredible. The face is outrageous. Everything about this is like a perfect storm. It's that category five hurricane that just is that once in a lifetime experience, that just puts a whole city under water. You know what I mean?

Hila: Yep.

Ethan: It's just um, I never seen anything like it. So we're going to dive into that. I've seen his cock, too, as well today. I mean, and yesterday.

Hila: (laughs). Me too, by the way.

Ethan: Um-

Hila: I've seen the uncensored one.

Ethan: Yeah, I've seen it all. I've been there, I've done that, I've seen it all. So-

Hila: Not because I wanted to.

Ethan: Actually, well I guess I won't say. But somebody sent it to me.

Hila: Yeah (laughs).

Ethan: Like, un-, because I was talking with somebody at great length about the whole ProJared thing. And, um, and I told them, "Oh, keep sending me the memes because they're hilarious. And then, so I kind of did ask for it.

Hila: Right.

Ethan: But then, it's just his dick, like unfiltered dick showed up. And I was like, "[inaudible 00:05:10]."

Ethan: Yeah, watch it fall. Dip. I mean we may witness the moment here where he goes below 900,000. Now imagine like, imagine so, it's ... maybe I should just talk about this.

Hila: I guess that's just get right to it.

Ethan: We're already in it. I'm going to talk about the whole Trisha thing after this. Because I'm already in it, and I'm loving it. Right? ProJared. Now, so, oh my God.

Hila: You should explain what happened.

Ethan: I guess I should explain what happened. I just can't get out of the mindset of like, so he announced on Twitter that him and his wife were getting a divorce.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: And he knew that some drama was going to ensue, because their divorce was not exactly amicable. And he knew that. Now obviously, he wouldn't anticipate what would unfold when his now ex-wife accused him of cheating behind her back with her colleague. For many years. Who was also formerly married to-

Hila: One of his-

Ethan: One of his colleagues and friends.

Hila: They're all part of the same group of friends.

Ethan: Yeah. It's like, it's incredible. Do you, there's this incredible ... oh my God, he gained a subscriber. Somebody just found ProJared-

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: And is totally oblivious to anything going on. He's like, "I like this ProJared guy."

Ethan: Hm. His one subscriber. Where was I? You ever notice this phenomenon, like in a group of friends. It's like, everybody just ends up like having sex with each other. Because there's like no other options. Like if you have, like let's say this happened in college. But I think with every clique. Let's say there's like ten people. Five dudes, five girls. You know that everyone's going to fuck each other like, eventually.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: It just happens, like where everyone's like, "Man, I'm dating her now."

Ethan: And it's like, "Oh, dude. No I get it. It's cool man."

Ethan: And then it's like, you, it, everyone ends up having sex. And, but so this is one of those cases, I think.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Except that we're married and adults and we're not in college, so I don't know how good of an analogy it is. Just a phenomenon I noticed. As a psychologist. Sociologist.

Hila: Just in your studies?

Ethan: Yes, in my studies. Um. He just gained another subscriber. I find that more fascinating, at this point, then anything. I loved his analysis on Megaman '93. We were just watching ProJared's Let's Play. I got to pull this up. I'm sorry, guys. I know I'm meandering, but this is just, I got to enjoy this because this doesn't come around every day. ProJared Let's Play. What was it called Dan? ProJared Plays. Don't you find his name kind of funny? Like, if you actually think about what it is? It's Pro, and then his name, Jared. Like he's a pro gamer. ProEthan. Like imagine that's my-

Hila: Oh, that's what?

Ethan: Yeah. Like back in the day, you used to be like, "I'm Pro."

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: He's ProJared, because he's so dope. But anyway, he posted a Let's Play one day ago. And I was just watching-

ProJared: Hey, it's me ProJared, welcome back to Megaman Legends. So off camera I did-

Ethan: Him playing Megaman Legends 12.

ProJared: Finish up all the racing segments.

Ethan: Yesterday, before his whole world came crashing down.

ProJared: I got the things from it.

Ethan: And it's like last images, there's a Sub-Reddit called Last Images of people with loved ones before they passed on.

ProJared: Some other stuff-

Ethan: And he just doesn't know-

ProJared: Just some stuff, I was going to take it to Roll to see if you can make anything out of it.

Ethan: He just doesn't know.

ProJared: Because one of the things it would be for-

Ethan: There he is just playing Megaman.

ProJared: But you know, who cares.

Ethan: Just take it in for a moment.

Dan: This fucking music.

ProJared: Nope. Okay.

Ethan: That was his penis coming out. Boing.

ProJared: So, that probably needs I need other stuff from it. Okay, well can I go to-

Ethan: Anyway. God, I'm really taking a long time to get to the point. But imagine he walks away from his computer. Like, I've been through the meat grinder. I've been through drama. And usually what I'll do is I'll be like, "Man, I'm really upset. This is too much for me to handle. I'm just going to walk away from social media for a couple days and let this blow over."

Ethan: So imagine when he walks away, he's got a 1,030,000 subscribers.

Hila: Oh yeah.

Ethan: And he comes back, suddenly he just comes back and he's like, "Oh, I'll check social sites, see what's the damage, you know?"

Ethan: Couple thousand. You know? Comes back, and he sees 100,000 loss in a day. This was trending on Twitter, for, it's like at the top.

Hila: Uh oh-

Ethan: People are fascinated by it.

Hila: It's almost like two full days now. Right?

Ethan: This morning-

Hila: That it's happening.

Ethan: Yes. And like nobody talks about Jared, but somehow everybody's obsessed with this scandal. It's at Twitter, trending at the top of the news. There's, okay, let me just tell you what happened. For Christ's sake. Okay.

Hila: There's just so many layers to this story.

Ethan: Yeah. So here's the three at the center of this love triangle. So this Jared in the middle. This is like Game of Thrones if, I'll let you finish the sentence. Jared, his ex-wife-

Hila: On the left.

Ethan: Yeah, on the left. And on the right is the uh, his true love.

Hila: It's a mistress.

Ethan: The mistress. Thank you, Hila. Very well said.

Hila: Is that correct?

Ethan: Yes. Yes, I think so. Absolutely. Now Jared, now what fascinates me too, is like, this is the guy at the center of this. By the way, this is the picture he chooses to put on all of his videos. I've seen pictures of him that aren't this bad. But I find it fascinating that this, of all of them, is the one he chooses to present to the world. I'm not going to, yeah ... I don't know what to say, really, without being too-

Dan: [inaudible 00:10:59].

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: Alpha male right there.

Ethan: Yeah. That guy takes probably 20 Alpha males brains a day. So anyway, um, so why is this so epic? Why do so many people care about this? Why has this been trending for days? Nobody's experienced anything like this before. So, here's my theory on why, first of all, this has blown up so big. First of all, he's goofy looking. That makes it all the better.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Because you see a picture of this guy, and you're like, "Oh, man. He's been sending nudes to underaged girls. Cheating on his wife? I'm in."

Ethan: For, there's, there's dick pics involved. There's pictures of his dick all around the internet.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Instantly juicy. I'm involved.

Hila: Also, when the wife tweeted about the, saying that he cheated on her for a few months-

Ethan: Yeah. Go ahead, Hila.

Hila: (laughs). She, she also showed that he blocked her.

Ethan: Oh yeah, fantastic.

Hila: Love it.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: Now that's a mature couple.

Ethan: See, I don't know how to appropriately tell the story. So, if we're everywhere, just bare with me.

Hila: It's going to be everywhere. It's tough.

Ethan: But this, this is a picture that's on the internet.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: That's him, as well. So I'm in. You know what I'm saying? Like, it doesn't get better. Um, infidelity, underaged sexting, um, and then the story's been unfolding live. So it's just, it's absolutely phenomenal. So let me open the summary. And I'm going to tell you guys exactly what happened now. So, ProJared, uh, first of all announced that him and his wife we're going to file for a divorce. This is the very first thing that happened. He says a statement. Very dramatic. Very dramatic. He says, "My wife Heidi and I filed for-"

Ethan: See, I don't know anything about Jared, or his wife. Or really anything about any of these people, but I- I'm so in.

Hila: I know. I've never watched his videos. But I do know somewhat, the girl that he cheated with-

Ethan: That's true.

Hila: And who she was married to. And I knew that they were all a part of the same group.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: Which is why it's so, it's like soap opera.

Ethan: Gossip. Hello. Basically, this is Game of Thrones if you remove like all of the graphics and the fighting and the ... I'm going to read the statement.

Ethan: My wife, Heidi, and I have filed for divorce. I know this may come as surprise, and upsetting for many of you. But know that we do this so that we may both seek happiness for ourselves. During this time, you may see, see a lot of rumors, speculation, and gossip going around. I ask that you make your own observation and come to your own conclusion. I guess everybody did do that.

Ethan: I love how he preempts it with like, he's like, "My life."

Ethan: He's like, "Oof."

Ethan: Lord only knows. I will add to this decision was reached after extensive individual therapy on my part, and couples therapy together. With that said, this is all, all I plan on stating publicly regarding this matter. Heidi's privacy, mental well-being, and discretion has always been and will remain my highest priority through all of this. It is my hope that we can both exit this marriage with style and grace. That sentence stuck out to me.

Hila: Style?

Ethan: Grace I understand. But style. He's like, "I'm coming out of this marriage with style, baby."

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: I don't know about this style. Wait until you see the pictures you've been sending to underage girls. You want to talk about style. I hope that we can exit this marriage with style. Anyone want to see my dick?

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: And grace. I plan on continuing to do everything I can on my part to make this happen. Thank you for your understanding, patience, kindness, and respect for our privacy. And his dick picture's out.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Well actually, well, so the one that opened the lid on this one was actually his wi-, ex-wife.

Hila: Heidi.

Ethan: Who is divorcing. Yeah exactly. So, um, this is only the, the beginning of the juice of what is in this. So, what follows from that statement is that his now ex-wife Heidi ... so actually no. So now, this is the girl who left, she was left the top comment on his explanation about getting divorced. She said, "I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you if you need me."

Ethan: This is from Holly Conrad, who is an unknown player, until his ex-wife-

Hila: Not unknown though. Because their followers know ...

Ethan: I mean they didn't know that, so, that's the girl he's cheating with.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Nobody knew that at the time. Can you believe the balls of her? You're getting, you're the cause for like the divorce and then you're leaving comments like that. Um, so yes. Now, here we go. Here's the tweet from the wife. She says, this is her response. "I've recently learned that my husband, ProJared, has been fucking Holly Conrad. That's the girl who said she feels so bad for him. Behind my back for months. I have no idea what announcement he just made, because he blocked me. Bro, how epic is that? Whatever happened to style and grace?

Hila: Yeah (laughs).

Ethan: I hope that you can respect my privacy while I'm exiting this marriage with style and grace. Bitch, you're blocked. My ex-wife. So fantastic. You could just mute her, you know? Like, god damn. He's an idiot. What's his last name? Neighbor Nobber? Neighbenbauer.

Hila: I, I don't know.

Dan: He's been nobbing his neighbor, all right.

Ethan: Nobbin Bobber. So we got Jared Nobber Bobber over here. Nobbin his neighbor, as Dan put it.

Hila: So the two girls were friends?

Ethan: Yes.

Hila: And Holly is now divorced. But she was married to Ross?

Ethan: Who's a mutual friend.

Hila: Who is a mutual friend of him, too?

Ethan: Yes.

Hila: I just can't get over that whole-

Ethan: The dynamic.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Yeah. Also, I can't get over the fact that Jared is so seductive that he's like breaking up marriages. I mean that should really give hope to all you fricken' like incel's out there. Like, Jared has, Jared has single-handedly smashed the incel movement. You know what I'm saying? Like how dare you think that you're unfuckable? When Jared is out there breaking up marriages.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Stop hating yourself, loser. It's you. Jared's smashing like crazy. You know what I'm saying? Like, you can not, I'm sorry, but if Golem can fuck, then so can you. And I'm, I mean like imagine Golems on Tinder getting fucking ... anyway. Um, so ... as more information is learned ... so it is clear that Heidi is telling the truth. People started turning on her, but it turns out she's been telling the truth, and this has been going on for months. Since October. Then it comes out that ProJared has been soliciting not safe for work pictures from fans. And has sent a few of his own. More still, these were sent while he was married. Heidi was, however, fully aware that he was sexting with fans-

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: For a few years.

Hila: That-

Ethan: Which to me-

Hila: Oh very-

Ethan: Is a huge question mark. Huge question mark. That's, that's strange. Um, but now, since this drama's um, spread. His sexting images that were being sent out to all these girls, are not sharing them on social media like wildfire. Obviously I'm not going to show you any, any dick picks, or lewd photos, but they're out there. And trust me, they are lewd. Um, I don't think uh, yeah. To add a final piece of garbage, it turns out that many of the fans he was attempting to solicit photos from, and he sent two, were underage.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: And so, I don't know how, uh, corroborated that is, but I guess it's an ongoing investigation. But the ... I've seen some credible evidence, that wouldn't surprise me that this point. I mean, the guy's sending his dick to everyone-

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: With eyes.

Hila: I mean apparently, they're saying that he even had like uh, nude Tumblr. Or, I don't even know what.

Ethan: Yeah, he had several not safe for work Tumblr's, that he used to reach out to fans.

Hila: How does that happen?

Ethan: Well, the guy's obviously, you know, he has some kind of sex-

Hila: The thing for me-

Ethan: Issue-

Hila: Is that, I know the kind of audience that watches videos like his. And they got to be like at least 90 percent underage. I mean, the-

Ethan: I think you're right. Yeah.

Hila: The age demographic that watches these videos.

Ethan: Yeah, I think you're right. The girls who have come out and said that they were 16 at the time, so-

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: Yeah. Um, so let's, so that's the story. Um, this is when she started getting brutal. His ex-wife was just going f-, ham on him. And this, here let's see here.

Ethan: Honestly, Holly, you look very ashamed and insecure in all the nudes you sent my husband. I think it would help your chronic self-esteem issues if you started fucking men that weren't already married.

Ethan: Damn. Times like this where I, it's just, it's so nice to be able to sit back and be like, "Ah. I'm not in this one."

Dan: That is fucking brutal.

Ethan: The Schadenfreude? Did I say that right? Schadenfreude.

Dan: Yeah, it's something like that, yeah.

Ethan: Dan, tell me when we're at a break time, 'cause I'm not-

Dan: Uh, you got ten more minutes.

Ethan: Okay. It's just remarkable because I've been through YouTube drama. It's the worst.

Hila: It is the worst.

Ethan: It's just the worst. And this is so beyond anything that any of us have ever imagined possible, that I'm just like, "ProJared, more like SadJared's life is over.'

Ethan: More like Jared from Subway. More like ProJared from Subway. Anyone?

Hila: Is the name Jared like done now?

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: Jared is canceled.

Ethan: (laughs). Jared, I mean let's face it. Jared wasn't that, wasn't that strong of a name to begin with. Apologies to everyone is named Jared.

Zach: That's my brother's name.

Ethan: Sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't have said that.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: But I'm saying, you know, I guess when your parents ... I don't think there's many Jared's coming out these days, is what I would venture to guess. So, Zach. But I think, yeah, if you name your kid Jared, like in the past two, three years. That's a mistake.

Zach: I agree.

Ethan: Yeah, thank you Zach. And no offense to your brother. I think he's probably awesome. Um, just keep an eye on him to make sure he's not talking to any underaged girls or anything. Because-

Zach: You got it.

Ethan: There's baggage with that name.

Hila: (laughs).

Zach: Yes, there is.

Ethan: Keep an eye on him. Um, here, I've got a meme uh, his Subreddit by the way has been converted into a JonTron Subreddit. Which is specifically funny, because during JonTron's drama, he was extremely vicious, kicked him out of normal boots, and was like one of the biggest um, haters of JonTron.

Dan: Oh, this guy specifically was?

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: Oh, so he has to be relishing this?

Ethan: Yeah, so, so they changed ProJared's Subreddit into a JonTron themed Subreddit.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Here, let me show you his Subreddit. Um, and it's just turned into such a dumpster fire, his own Subreddit.

Hila: Oh, John.

Ethan: That it's uh, it really is a sight to behold. Fuck ProJared mega-thread. And join the new sub-icon. Here's JonTron. I opened this up the other night to look at it, and I was like, "Wait."

Ethan: I always thought I was on ProJared, not JonTron. It's fantastic. Top post. Fuck, when you unsubscribe from ProJared after watching him for more than seven years. But if you go sort by top of all, I mean, it's all, like here's the top. Scumbag. Upload this image so it's the first thing that shows up on Google. Shows scumbag.

Hila: Oh, that's brutal.

Ethan: So brutal. Like that was on the front page of my homepage.

Dan: Wait, I got to check if they were successful with that. I'm in Google Images right now.

Ethan: Oh, no.

Dan: Uh, no.

Ethan: It takes time. It takes time.

Dan: It's going to take more time, I guess, yeah.

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: He's in the clear.

Ethan: And then like the mods betrayed him. Apparently he was a mod on the Subreddit, and everyone's like, "Man he's just going to be erasing everything and blocking comments."

Ethan: So apparently, on Reddit, there's a hierarchy. There's a tier. So on Subreddits, there's like the master mod, who established the Subreddit. And then everyone else has like, can ban the person below them. So the guy who actually started the Subreddit banned Jared. He kicked him out. So this is in reference to that. The internet, his wife, Jared, and then ProJared mod sipping wine also start beating the shit out of him. Yeah, I don't know. So, he has been banned from his own Subreddit. And, which has turned into a JonTron themed Subreddit.

Ethan: So back to the sub loss. And I'll go over some memes with you. Uh, if I may? (laughs). These have been prominently featured.

Ethan: Yeah, I'm a gamer. G, cheat on my wife, G-A-M-E and there's no R. Yeah. But got to love that face. I think that's really. I honestly think what made this so deli-, I mean so incredible for everybody. People that don't even know him, is that face.

Hila: And somehow-

Ethan: It's just [crosstalk 00:25:06]-

Hila: Somehow also people are also just completely making fun of his looks and like, and everyone is on board.

Ethan: Yeah, like-

Hila: I just, I don't know, it's a phenomenon.

Ethan: On any, on any other day people are like, "Dude, you really shouldn't be making of his look-"

Hila: Exactly.

Ethan: You seem to be relishing in the fact that his life is ruined, and you know these are people that we're dealing with, whatever. No. Every one in a while, that's out the window. And everybody in the world is like, "Fuck this guy in particular."

Ethan: Man. Yeah. Uh, momo challenge.

Dan: It's uncanny.

Ethan: I'm not going to lie. I mean that is phenomenal. Bro, if you're in incel listening to this, this guy fucks like crazy.

Dan: Both of these women, too, are like pretty attractive. It's like-

Ethan: There you go.

Dan: You know.

Ethan: There you have it. Beautiful women.

Dan: He's got something going on. I mean you guys have seen the dick pics, so I don't know.

Ethan: It's fine. I mean it's not a spectacular dick.

Dan: Oh, okay. Fair enough.

Ethan: It's a normal dick.

Hila: I don't know.

Ethan: Oh, what are your comments on it? Go ahead.

Hila: Not good.

Ethan: I'm curious.

Hila: The pictures of him.

Ethan: Well, yeah. Where he's trying to be sexy.

Hila: Yes.

Ethan: I guess, I ... we were debating if we should show those, because we're like, "Well ..."

Ethan: Cause they're not like-

Hila: I don't really want to be like, promoting leaking-

Ethan: Yes, that's the-

Dan: They're out there.

Ethan: That's the problem.

Hila: Right.

Dan: If you all want to see it.

Ethan: But they're all like him being like, as if he was you know super sexy. Like him with like his shirt in his mouth. Like literally, he took a photo like this. Like, so ... there's one of him in the bath. Like, it's, you know ... the guy, the guy is definitely working with what he's got. And if you're incel out there that can't smash, there's no excuse for you.

Hila: Should we not use the word incel?

Ethan: No, they call themselves that.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: They call, they are the ones that coined that term. It means unvoluntarily celibate.

Dan: Involuntary, yeah.

Hila: Okay.

Ethan: It means they're virgins because they're ... I would assume just too socially inept, but they blame women. They have terms they call Chads. And what was it, what was the other one?

Dan: Like the opposite of Chad?

Ethan: Yeah, like the cuck?

Dan: I think it's just, yeah. I think it's cuck.

Ethan: No, no, no. There's Chad and another one. Chad verse, come on help me out here?

Dan: Isn't it just virgin? Chad versus virgin?

Ethan: All right, I'm going to the internet to find this. You guys, you guys do the research.

Dan: It says Chad versus virgin or Chad versus-

Ethan: Brad. Chad versus Brad. Is that right?

Dan: Brad?

Ethan: No that's not Chad verse Brad. Chad, uh, incel verse, all right you guys got to help me out here. I got a show to run. Um, but anyways-

Dan: I'm googling it. It's just saying Chad versus virgin, or Chad versus incel.

Ethan: Maybe it's just-

Ethan: Okay, I thought there was a name for the incel. But they call the dudes who apparently are handsome, that women are, have an unfair advantage over them, they call them "Chads". Where, I guess they think every man is a bro.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative)-

Ethan: And a douche. And is a jerk. Okay, Jared is not a Chad.

Hila: (laughs). He is a Jad. With a J.

Ethan: He's a Jad. All right let's get back to the memes. Um, so the biggest YouTube drama of 2019 is really over a dude that looks like this, huh?

Hila: (laughs).

Dan: The fuck is that?

Hila: That's what I mean. It's just, I don't know it's so funny.

Dan: It's a worm of some sort.

Hila: Like normally you wouldn't feel comfortable.

Ethan: So meme-able. But I think the fact that he's just so strangely confident. But at the same time, probably one of the goofiest looking dudes of all time-

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Like I remember just uh, casually looking at his channel once, and seeing, cause if you go to his channel, he puts that face in all of his ... oh you can't even find his YouTube channel with all the drama. He puts this face on all of his thumbnails. He looks so, uh.

Hila: Can you imagine if he was any more famous? What he would do?

Ethan: Right.

Hila: That's what happens with R. Kelly.

Ethan: That's right. That's a great point, Hila.

Hila: He would have a sex dungeon. And a cult.

Ethan: Absolutely. You're absolutely right.

Hila: And the girls would have to call him Jad.

Ethan: (laughs). Jaddy. Anyway, thought I'd seen this somewhere before.

Hila: (laughs).

Dan: The alien from Men in Black, right?

Ethan: Yeah. Jared out here looking like Jack Jeebs ... no there's lots of Men in Black memes.

Dan: That's a Men in Black.

Ethan: Jack Jeebs from Men in Black, after he gets his head blown off.

Ethan: (laughs) "Guys, Jared cheated on his wife, they're getting divorced and shit and he's a total piece of shit." "You mean to tell me a motherfucker look like this-" I don't get this one. He doesn't look like that dog.

Hila: What? No. Not a good one.

Ethan: Bad one. Uh. Ah, Jared. Oh, this was a comment. This was an actual comment on his announcement that they were getting divorced. "Ah, Jared, so sorry to hear. I hope you're both okay and I wish you well."

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Then he comment, um, briefly afterwards, "Wait, I just read what happened. I take it back." ProJared, "Makes uh, tweet after blocking Heidi on Twitter." Heidi, "I'm bout to end this whole man's career." Yeah, I showed you that one. I found some- this- so this- this to me, I couldn't stop laughing. Keep the fire going, it's called, and it's a picture of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in the back of a taxi cab, like, looking up at the big city with a camera in his hand, and it says, "Me on this subreddit, having never watched one of Jared's videos." I was just cracking up dying, because I think 90% of the people must be like, don't even know who he is.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: They're just loving the drama like, (laughs) oh, crazy. "Instead of Twitter calling ProJared an alleged adulterer or alleged pedophile, they're calling him an alleged YouTuber, and honestly that's so freaking hysterical."

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Trending for you, and it's true. It says, "Alleged YouTuber cheating scandal unfolds in the public eye." Isn't that amazing?

Hila: That's amazing.

Ethan: Oh my god. And then, here. "People who don't know who Jared is, people who know who Jared is, hating ProJared." Oh my god. "Jared and Holly, cheating on their significant other with someone less attractive than their significant other."

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: And of course, the all time best one, "Jared, I don't feel so good," and it's his one million subscriber play button award vanishing as if he was vaporized in the Thanos snap.

Hila: Yeah, by the way, to go back to the previous one.

Ethan: Yeah?

Hila: Um. Yeah, Holly was with Ross, who seems-

Ethan: Ross was a handsome guy.

Hila: Better catch.

Ethan: Yeah. I mean, I- obviously, I don't know either of them.

Hila: I don't know- I don't know- I mean- we kinda know Ross and Holly, we met them once.

Ethan: I met him- I met them once, I don't know the- I can't say I know the guy. But he's a handsome guy.

Hila: Right. Yeah.

Ethan: I mean, doesn't look like Momo. No, he seems like a- he seemed like a great, nice dude, so I don't know.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: I don't know if Holly was look- I don't know. Hila.

Hila: No, that's just that's why this one is so funny.

Ethan: But it's right. As far as attraction looks, I mean, that's correct. I- I followed up with some of my own favorites, um, that I was looking at last night. Let's see. We- he's about to go below 900,000, so that's special that we can share this moment together. Um. Let's see what we have.

Hila: So I wonder if Ross and Holly got divorced because he also found out because of the same thing.

Ethan: I actually- I'm not-

Hila: I don't know.

Ethan: I think- I think they had been separated a while now. 'Cause I- I saw him on Twitter being like, "Guys, I'm not involved, I've moved on, I don't- I don't want to be invo- so.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Yeah. So let's respect that. And this was a meme, "Blocked my own wife." It's like, a Toy Story meme. It's so funny. It's just so goofy. I love it.

Hila: That blocking her move was-

Ethan: That was a huge mistake on his part.

Hila: Yeah. That-

Ethan: Just mute her, man, like-

Hila: I feel like that kind of set the whole thing on fire.

Ethan: Absolutely. I don't know that it would have got the same, uh, traction, had he not blocked his wife.

Hila: Yeah, 'cause that made her tweet like, explosive, when she's like, "Not only did he cheat on me with my friend, he also blocked me." (laughs)

Ethan: Yeah. Dude, blocking on Twitter is a rookie mistake. Don't ever block, because it just gives that person the satisfaction. You mute. It's- achieves the same thing-

Hila: Right.

Ethan: And they don't know that they're muted. Blocking is the biggest rookie mistake of all time. Uh.

Hila: Oh, it's break time.

Ethan: Oh, is it break time? Let me read this last one here before we go on break. Uh, congrats- this fucking killed me. "Congrats on 900,000 subscribers, been here since one million!"

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Oh, that poor son of a gun. I started calling him- oh- oh my god. He just took a huge dip.

Dan: That was a big jump.

Ethan: Congratulations on- on 900,000.

Hila: Oy yoi yoi.

Ethan: Been here since one million.

Dan: Wonder if he'll, uh, get another 100,000 loss on day two of this whole scandal.

Ethan: That would be incredible. I doubt it. He'll probably get 50, though.

Dan: Or if it'll [crosstalk 00:34:53]

Ethan: I would- someone had a great thought. They said, "I wonder, does he need to send back his play button now? Is YouTube gonna come like, repossess it?"

Hila: No, it just disappears, like ...

Ethan: Right. It disappears. YouTube includes like, a, uh-

Hila: Technology.

Ethan: A self-detonating bomb.

Hila: Yeah.

Dan: He's already at minus 30,000 for the day. There's a lot of hours in the day left.

Ethan: There's a lot of fuel. Oh, you know what? I for- I forgot that we are not live.

Hila: No, we're not affecting this.

Ethan: Because I was- I was wondering if we were affecting this.

Hila: No, I already thought about that.

Ethan: We're not live.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: Oh my god, so when we post this video, this is gonna make it even worse.

Dan: (laughs)

Hila: We had nothing to do with the numbers.

Ethan: Oh, that's crazy. Wow. So weird not being live, isn't it?

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: We're thinking about going live again. We're- we don't know, we're weighing the pros and cons. It's kind of a pain in the ass, not being live.

Hila: I definitely- I definitely miss a lot of stuff about it.

Ethan: It's so convenient.

Hila: Yeah. It's convenient, and actually, since we did the- the new kind of chat, um, like, I don't know, the mem- membered chat.

Ethan: Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Hila: It's kinda nice to have that chat, you can see.

Ethan: No, I love having the fan interaction with the-

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: With the subscriber-only, 'cause it cuts down on all the noise.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Should we take a break, Dan, and then come back? I have a lot more Jared memes.

Dan: Let's do it.

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Hila: Glasses.

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Ethan: Welcome back to the poor Jared episode. I'm just laughing at this meme, this one killed me, too. My morning routine. "Wake up, eat breakfast, see ProJared's penis. See ProJared's penis?" (laughs)

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: I- I had the same reaction. You know, I've seen- I haven't seen this meme format in a long time, so it kind of surprised me when I first saw it last night and I started cracking up. (laughs)

Hila: You were laughing way too much at this one.

Ethan: I think I was delirious because I was up so late. Come on, this is gold. I'm not the only one. 3000 other people loved the hell out of this.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: I mean, I did- was just blindsided by a picture of his penis, too, so I had a very similar human experience. This one probably shouldn't crack me up as much as it did, too, but it fucking killed me. "ProJared visiting his subreddit." It's just Garfield staring at a picture of himself with a red cross over it. It just- it's so stupid. Fucking Garfield memes, dude. I hope Garfield memes make a comeback.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: All right. Well, uh, a re- I mean, a-

Hila: What?

Ethan: Break out. They never came back.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: I mean, it's time for Garfield to break out, I think. So funny. Let me see what else. Oh my god. So a lot of people- (laughs) the image is just- apparently, he gave this game, Metal Gear Rising, a four out of ten, have any of you guys played that?

Dan: Uh, I haven't played that one. I played most of the Metal Gear [crosstalk 00:42:14]

Ethan: So people were upset about that because they thought it was better, and they think that was the, uh, the ripple wave.

Dan: The first stone.

Ethan: The butterfly wing that caused this whole thing. (laughs) No. Not that funny, huh, Hila?

Hila: I don't get those kind of memes.

Ethan: Oh, man. Who- who you kidding, huh?

Hila: No. Who you kidding?

Ethan: Okay. You're get- you- you gonna get this one. All right?

Hila: (laughs) Yeah.

Ethan: This is the best thing that's come out of this. So this guy D, uh, SP, was this uh, we've talked about here on the podcast but you may have forgotten, he's uh, he's a Twitch streamer who, after ending a show, jerked off but left his camera on. And this is the face that he made as he, you know, reached a climax, live on stream. And he comes back and he goes, uh, he comes back after jerking off and he's like, "All right guys, we're back. Oh, the camera was on. Camera was on this whole time, huh?" And he starts rocking back and forth like this. So this guy, he goes, "Pro tip for content creators: if you've done something worse than this, whether it's public or private- or not yet- whether it's-"

Hila: You did-

Ethan: Let me start over.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: I have issue- I have troubles. "Pro tip for content creators: if you've done something worse than this, whether it's public or not yet, quit. Because I'm still here and you won't be and good luck living with that!" With a picture of him orgasming with his head back. Now, I guess ProJared also goofed on this guy, which is why he's going in.

Hila: Ooh.

Ethan: Like, ProJared kind of pissed off a lot of people, I guess.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Which is why everyone's relishing in-

Hila: Oi yoi yoi.

Ethan: Uh, in- in- in his demise. And this is. Yeah. I mean, this is incredible. So there you have it. Um. There's one more, of course. This is like, the longest segment I've ever done. Brock Baker cut this out.

Ethan: I cheated. And I'm okay with that.

Ethan: From a clip.

Ethan: Yes. I cheated. And I'm okay with that. Yes. I cheated. And I'm okay with that.

Hila: (laughs)


Ethan: Yeah, there you have it. That should be a- we should sound byte that. So there you have it. I mean, uh, really, there's nothing left to say.

Hila: I do think, like you said, there's a good message here for anyone who is not confident with their looks.

Ethan: Right.

Hila: Uh.

Ethan: Good- keep- keep talking. I'm gonna pull up a picture of ProJared as you- as you- [crosstalk 00:44:56]

Hila: Always look on uh, the bright side.

Ethan: Right. The-

Hila: The one- the one message we can take from this. (laughs) But actually, no, the real message is that you really should not ever send a dick pic to anyone.

Ethan: Okay.

Hila: If you're like, a personality with following.

Ethan: Dude. That is- especially if you are a public figure of any kind, if you send a dick pic, there's like, 100% chance that that one day will come out.

Hila: But actually like, in his case, it's almost like- it's almost like he's got a problem.

Ethan: Yes.

Hila: Sending it to fans? Like- wh- obviously it's gonna get out there.

Ethan: He knew- yeah, unsolicited.

Hila: It's almost like he put it out there himself, pretty much.

Ethan: Well, I think he has an urge that uh, was too powerful and overcame his, uh, rational brain and I think that he must have feared this moment, that he knew.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: He would sometimes forget, but also most of the time, he still remembered in the back of his mind that this house of cards or in this case, house of dick pics, was gonna be coming crashing down around him. And just remember, that this is the picture he chosingly put on all of his videos. Okay, we've talked enough about ProJared. Yeah. Right? Anyone else have anything to add? Dan? Ian? Zach?

Dan: Just RIP.

Speaker 3: He's got a big nose.

Ethan: That's all you guys have to add?

Dan: I mean, what else is there to say? He's a douche bag, obviously.

Ethan: Um.

Dan: I mean, I felt bad for him at first, when uh, this whole thing came out, but then as more and more details, and especially the underage girl thing, it's like, "Okay."

Ethan: That part-

Dan: No sympathy. Yeah.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: So- well, the part that I read of the story, and again, I don't know if this has been uh, corroborated, but the part that really got me is that, he received nudes from a 16 year old girl who explicitly said, "Don't share these with anyone," because she knew he had a sex blog, and then he reposted them to his sex blog without her permission of a underage girl.

Dan: Nice.

Ethan: I was like, "Whoa, that's like, the slam dunk."

Dan: Nice.

Ethan: That's like, the sleazebag Olympics gold medal.

Dan: Seriously. Yeah, well. 'Cause yeah, I mean, when- when it first came out, it's like, "This- this is personal shit, this is between these people," and like, you know, I saw other people saying it too, to um, uh, what's the wife's name? Heidi?

Ethan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Hila: Heidi.

Dan: It's like, you know, this isn't really cool to be like, you know, putting this guy on blast, this is between, you know, private parties or whatever, but just as more and more came out, it's just like, "No, this guy's- this guy's pretty fucking scummy, he kinda deserves it, so."

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: There is a red flag for me about her, too, because she knew about it.

Ethan: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Oh, yeah. That is the big red flag.

Dan: That is a weird wrinkle in the whole thing.

Ethan: She said, "I knew about it for years that he was sexting with fans." Huh?

Dan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ethan: Suspicious.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: I get the feeling that there's more to this story. I get the feeling that, uh ... but I mean, be that as it may, I don't- I don't know anything.

Dan: [crosstalk 00:48:13]

Ethan: All I know is that Jared, I've seen Jared's penis.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: I mean, that's the only relevant, uh.

Dan: How is it?

Ethan: How is it? It's fine- I would- it's a fine- it's a normal penis.

Hila: No.

Ethan: Hila, you were gonna comment on it.

Hila: No, I was just more commenting on the- those pictures, not the penis.

Ethan: Right. I forgot. I would give his penis, like-

Hila: 'Cause he's like, doing like, sexy poses-

Dan: The poses.

Ethan: Right. We talked about that and I have amnesia.

Dan: Yeah.

Hila: But it's-

Dan: Which I- I've seen those, but they were like, the censored version where somebody like, drew, you know, a fucking joystick.

Ethan: Over his dick?

Dan: Over his dick or whatever.

Ethan: Now, how would you rate it out of ten, Hila?

Hila: The penis itself?

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: It's normal. Right? I don't know.

Ethan: Five.

Dan: Five, six?

Hila: What- I mean- I think-

Ethan: Yeah, I would give it a five. Yeah, I'll give it a five.

Hila: Yeah.

Dan: Inches?

Ethan: Probably. Probably roughly, yeah.

Hila: I have no idea in inches.

Ethan: Five out of five. Five for five inches. Now what would you give Jared as a total package?

Hila: (laughs) I don't wanna be too mean.

Ethan: Yeah, you don't- you don't [crosstalk 00:49:08]

Hila: That should tell you about that. About the score.

Ethan: Yeah. Dude, I'm surprised. How the hell is it that you, like, sleep in the same bed as me? 'Cause I'm such a monster. Like, I see myself as on ProJared's level of like, disgust.

Dan: No.

Hila: No. (laughs) No, you're not.

Dan: Don't be so harsh, it's fine.

Hila: You're not.

Ethan: I mean, it's fine. But I'm not-

Hila: No, but you're objectively not.

Dan: Definitely.

Hila: [crosstalk 00:49:33]

Ethan: Thank you, thank you. But I just- I'm kind of a monster.

Hila: No you're not.

Ethan: Okay.

Hila: You just gained some weight, that's all that happened.

Ethan: Yeah, I'm fat.

Dan: You're overweight, that's it. You're-

Hila: That's all.

Dan: There's a- there's a handsome dude under that. You're-

Ethan: (laughs)

Dan: You're working- you're working with a- well- just- compared to ProJared.

Hila: No, he's-

Dan: He- he- he doesn't have much-

Hila: You need to have some more confidence.

Ethan: Oh, that's so funny. There's a handsome dude somewhere under your fat.

Hila: No, there still is.

Ethan: Oh, thank you.

Dan: I saw those, uh, those photoshops.

Ethan: Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk about that. Okay, thank you, Dan.

Dan: That's a good Segway.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Thank you, Dan, for getting me off the topic of ProJared. God. Okay, so now we're gonna talk about Instagram reality video. First of all, is something that- we made this video, there's a subreddit called Instagram Versus Reality, which I love and I frequent where they take pictures of social media celebrities and compare them to candid photos to sh- to show you what a ridiculous difference there is, and some of them are just breathtaking.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: I mean-

Hila: It's kinda mind-blowing. I- that was my reaction at first, when you started showing me some of those submissions on that subreddit.

Ethan: Yeah. And- and they're mega- these are mega-celebs, I'm talking about like, the Kardashians, first of all. There's some that they just look horrid. I mean, the Kardashians, there's something weird that happened with the Kardashians where like, ten years ago, everyone's like, "Oh, fuck the Kardashians, they're a bunch of fake ass lame-os that are destroying society," but now somehow, like, they've persisted.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And people forget that they're fake ass lame-os that are destroying society, and we started accepting them again, like, Kim Kardashian is somehow like, an ambassador now and she's like, a pop icon, and her sister's like, this billionaire mogul that people are saying she's self-made and respecting.

Hila: I mean, they started this whole look that now you see so many girls looking like them.

Ethan: Right.

Hila: Like, I mean, I see it a lot.

Ethan: The big ass. The pear shaped body.

Hila: Everything. Just like, their whole look, I mean, they started it.

Ethan: The pseudo-ethnic.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Do you know what I mean? Like, the pseudo-ethnic white girl look?

Hila: It's kinda like- yeah.

Dan: Yep.

Ethan: It's like, what are-

Hila: Bronze makeup. I don't know what you would call it. Like-

Ethan: Well, no, they- they're like, white girls that try to look ethnic.

Hila: Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And- and so that's- yeah. I think that- is that the movement they started? Maybe that is the movement. Um.

Hila: No, but- and a lot of, um, just a lot of pl- plastic surgery.

Ethan: Yeah. Lip implants.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Fake butt.

Hila: Fillers.

Ethan: Fake tits. Obviously fake tits.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: I can't stand fake tits, on a personal note. I've seen Kim Kardashian's boobs, and they just- they suck.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: But my per- that's just not my personal preference. I think that it looks ridiculous, like, fake boobs like that, because they just look like- I mean, it no longer looks like a sexual organ to me. It just looks like there's- someone shoved a bunch of crap in your- in- under your skin.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And there's like, stretch marks and shit, and it looks- the thing is, it looks good in clothing.

Hila: I can tell you for- for girls, it's just, the whole subject is so complicated, because they feel so insecure when you are kind of flat or whatever. You know. So for some girls, it can make them more confident. I- I get that. It's- it's really-

Ethan: I totally- you know what-

Hila: Tough subject for women. But, I think this whole new phenomenon of like, the whole body just looking like complete- just so far from reality, like, the huge butt, the tiny wai- uh, what do you call it?

Ethan: Waist.

Hila: Yeah. And then huge boobs and like, the facial features, like, huge lips all of a sudden.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: Super long hair, extensions, just everything is fake.

Ethan: Huh.

Hila: The whole look.

Ethan: Yeah. And I first- so I wasn't really aware of that until recently, a couple years ago, we were- or I don't know when it was, but we're hanging out with a female friend of ours in Israel.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative). And she kinda has like, the same features as me. She's skinny.

Ethan: Right.

Hila: Kinda- I don't know-

Ethan: She's not voluptuous.

Hila: Not curvy.

Ethan: But she's very pretty.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: She's a beautiful- she's beautiful, just like you. I mean, you're both very pretty girls.

Hila: I agree that she's- yeah.

Ethan: Yeah. And so, um, she said to Hila, we were talking about Instagram and she goes, "I hate Instagram, it makes me feel so insecure, I feel awful when I go on there all the time." And I was like, "What? Why would that- why?" Because I was like, "Oh, you- why would-" I didn't understand that at all.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And then you were like, "Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean," and I was just ...

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Be- I didn't even think about that.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: But I guess what you guys mean is that there's this beauty norm now where everyone has these impossibly voluptuous bodies.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: And features.

Hila: And for some reason, especially on Instagram, it's like, everyone looks like that.

Ethan: Yeah. But so- and so to hear her say that, which, I thought she was like, a pretty and confident girl.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And so that kinda blew me away, 'cause it seemed to really affect her. And so, what your realize through this Instagram Versus Reality phenomenon is that these girls are- look just like you.

Hila: Right.

Ethan: Or in many cases, even worse, but I'm not here to judge- the thing is, I'm only judging them because they're the ones to put themselves out there as these beauty models.

Hila: As this completely unrealistic, um, picture of themselves, I don't know.

Ethan: Like, there's-

Hila: Re- representation of something that couldn't even exist, unless you just go modify your body a million times.

Ethan: Yeah. It's not even possible to achieve. But like, there's one of Tana, where she's in the ocean and her body looks like, perfect. She's got like, a perfect abs, big round butt, huge boobs, but it looks all natural and she looks like, ph- like, "Oh, this girl's in phenomenal shape."

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: Um. And then you see, like, a shot from an Insta story that somebody took, and she's like- I said she looks like she went from a mermaid to a manatee. And of course you know, I'm trying to be funny, that's my primary objective here, so.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: But- but I consider her fair game because she is the one that's photoshopping herself, putting it out there. I don't think that girls with those bodies are manatees. But I think that-

Hila: Yeah. I think anyone who took it that way is just- look, it's obviously a mean joke.

Ethan: Yeah. I mean-

Hila: First of all, it's a joke.

Ethan: It's at her expense, obviously, but not every girl who's watching this I'm saying is a manatee.

Hila: But we're not the ones who's got a problem with how she looks naturally.

Ethan: Exactly.

Hila: She has the problem, and apparently everyone in the world lately, I don't know. 'Cause all these girls have like, 100 million followers.

Ethan: Right. Right. That's true.

Hila: Um, yeah.

Ethan: Even Tana. Like, any girl who's doing this is just blowing up and everyone's loving it.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: It's weird. Who's consuming it? Because if the girls hate it, it makes them insecure, I guess they're- they're fans at the same time.

Hila: It's- yeah.

Dan: They hate love it. Yeah.

Ethan: It's this weird, ambivalent thing. So, in my opinion, calling uh, Tana a manatee versus a mermaid is first of all, a funny joke, and second of all, I consider her fair game for- for photoshopping that. So. Again, if you wanna try to have a 300-

Hila: It's not like if you just saw Tana looking naturally without the other picture, you would be like, "Oh, look at this manatee-" like-

Ethan: Never. Of course not.

Hila: Never. (laughs)

Ethan: Yeah. Exactly. Thank you. So everyone with a 300 IQ was like, "You're being hypocritical," and I was like, "Well, that's true, you do have a 300 IQ, I didn't possibly consider the fact that it may be, uh, that it- that it may be, uh, come off that way." So. Congratulations to all the MENSA members out there that pointed that out.

Dan: I- I think I did see some comments were people were saying those- the- the- the 'real' pictures were like, from her Instagram story, though, so I guess to be somewhat fair to her, like, she- if she's personally putting out the pictures of herself where she doesn't look photoshopped as well.

Ethan: Wait, are you talk- who are you talking about?

Dan: I- I don't even know if this is true. I'm just saying there were comments.

Hila: Are you talking about Trisha or-

Dan: No, I was talking about, uh, Tana.

Hila: Tana?

Dan: Tana specifically. Yeah.

Hila: So I think it's maybe from like, videos.

Dan: Right, so like, making a video or- yeah.

Hila: So, like, in- in a video or a livestream, I don't know.

Dan: Right, where they can't- they can't Photoshop it. Yeah, that makes sense.

Hila: But her- the pictures that she personally uploads are all looking insane.

Dan: Right, for sure.

Ethan: Well, there's a side by side comparison, you can see it's like-

Dan: Yeah.

Ethan: One girl's like, really out of shape, normal, totally normal looking body, where like- she- and then the other one is like, supermodel.

Hila: No, but Dan is saying that she-

Ethan: I understand.

Hila: Uploaded it herself, but I-

Ethan: We don't- I don't- I mean, it doesn't change the fact that that's the photo that she puts out. I don't know. But I- again, I don't know if that's true or not.

Hila: Yeah.

Dan: I don't either, it- it's just, these are the same 300 IQ YouTube comments, so. (laughs)

Ethan: Um. But regardless, so, anyway, that's the video, and there was some drama. But then, what really came of this is this- this girl Trisha, uh, what was her name? Fucking hell, I keep forgetting.

Dan: Paytas.

Ethan: Pay- Paytas.

Hila: Paytas.

Ethan: I didn't know who she was, to be honest with you, but I guess she's a- she's actually quite a big YouTuber, she has like, five million followers or something. And so, we put her in the thumbnail because her comparison was just so epic to me. Um. And nothing personal about her, I don't know anything about her, obviously, but I guess she has a- a knack for dramatics. Somebody predicted in the comments, or on Twitter, bef- before she responded, uh, he says, "You know she already click bait a 20 minute vid of her crying, calling it now."

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: So that was so- anyways, so here's the response. Started with a tweet. She tweet- there was like, so many. There was like, hundreds of tweets, I'm not even gonna, um, I'm not even gonna bother to go through 'cause there's literally like, 50 tweets. But this was my favorite one. She says, "Please Hila Klein, do not raise your child to be as ignorant as your husband. I would divorce him ASAP as he is causing so much damage to young women. It's actually sickening. I've never been more disgusting. That you stand by him is even more disgusting."

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: So, I guess it- what's better for our child is to be raised by divorced parents than to actually ...

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: But again. I mean, I- I acknowledge that the jokes were made at her expense, like, her personal-

Ethan: The jokes were made at her expense, like, her, personally, but on the whole, my meth- everyone, who watched the video, is going to feel so much better. I saw so many comments who were saying, "I feel so much better after watching it. Thank you."

Ethan: And that was my, my secondary goal to making comedy.

Hila: I think just to focus on the... those two jokes that were obviously mean is, is just like you're missing the whole point, and also, can we all lighten up? Like, actually, if you want to talk about raising children, I'd rather raise a kid that can laugh at themselves.

Ethan: Mmm, insightful.

Hila: I mean we don't need to be like, "Okay, no one can make fun of anyone anymore."

Ethan: Her profile pic, her Twitter account is like blocked for being nude. She's, like, a pornographer.

Hila: Well, yeah, I don't think you should-

Ethan: I just want to show her picture because I saw that tweet and I wasn't going to say, anything, but obviously when people attack Hila, it's mask off. And I saw her profile pic and I go, "Who is this rude person? I don't recognize her from her profile picture. Does anyone know her?"

Ethan: And then, she responded, "Suicide... suicide from bullying is fucking real. I pray to God you never know anyone first hand that ends their life from that shit. It's not a joke. It's fucking real, you sicko."

Ethan: Aw, man. Yeah. She took it really... She took it to the max. But I actually think that, um, I think she enjoys it. I think this is her thing.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And sh- I actually do think... I don't... I don't think she was was actually offended. I think she was enjoying this because she made a response video of her crying, and aft- like I predicted, crying on her kitchen floor of all places, and I have never seen her videos, so when I first opened it-

Trisha: It was just like, I don't feel like people have to-

Ethan: I was like, "Goddamn," like first, I have a lot of questions. First is why are you on your kitchen floor?

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: There's gotta be a better setting for this.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: But I feel like she's framed it up to be like as most, just like the saddest site possible.

Hila: Right. (laughs) Yeah.

Ethan: On my kitchen, cold floor tiles in front of my refrigerator. Yeah. Here let me show you the beginning real fast. "H3H3 is harming young girls" is the title and of course the down vote ratio is brutal.

Ethan: It was actually a epic collab 'cause she linked my video and above the fold.

Hila: Huh.

Ethan: And I guess she thought people were gonna come hate on me? "This video needs to be deleted; if he has any sort of defense- sense, he will." And she linked to my video. But I saw, I think she, she really, uh, got us a lot of new fans. Because it's a good crossover, I don't think a lot of people of her fans would ever watch our videos.

Ethan: But I saw tons of comments of people being like, "I came here to hate on you after seeing her video but this video's awesome and she's totally over the top."

Hila: Or she totally missed the point.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: I saw a lot of comments like that.

Ethan: I don't think she even watched the video, because I'll show you evidence of that. Um. But, so I think this was such a epic collab that she linked the video like that. Um, fantastic.

Ethan: So here's the, here she is.

Trisha: Hey guys, what is up? It is freaking six in the morning, I really didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Or the night before, or the night before. Um-

Ethan: Well you can't blame me for that one.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: I just made this video (laughs).

Trisha: Fair warning, I'm kind of going through it (laughs). I've been kind of going through it, and um, you know, I'm trying to... contain and reel in my emotions and not just-

Ethan: Fast forward.

Trisha: On such a big platform, and like shaming these women, like.

Ethan: Yeah.

Trisha: I, I did fast forward to my part, I didn't really watch the other people. He talked about Chloe and then right after me he talked about Tana's body, like her photo versus her reality. I mean, he literally on one of my photos said she went from beauty queen to a monster.

Ethan: I literally didn't say that.

Hila: You didn't say that.

Ethan: Wait, I didn't say that.

Trisha: And like-

Ethan: Like come on. I'm more insulted that I think my jokes were, were, were pretty good, at least quote what I said.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: I think of her I said, "She went from, uh, from Coachella to open casket funeral."

Dan: Yeah, that one really got me.

Ethan: Or-

Dan: When I watched it (laughs).

Ethan: From Coachella to-

Dan: Was she-

Ethan: McDonald's, throwing down a McDonald's parking lot at three am, yes, Dan?

Dan: Was she the WWF one?

Ethan: Yeah, she went from Coachella to WWF.

Dan: Yeah that was it, that was, whew.

Ethan: Um... So. Not monster.

Hila: But it's like... come on, just-

Ethan: But she's making it sound like-

Hila: Just lighten up. It's, it's stupid jokes, like it's such a-

Ethan: Well the, yeah. And the truth is that I don't think anyone is actually upset except her. And I think she's doing it 'cause she enjoys it. And I'd like also to announce that our video's number one being suggested on her video. Yeah.

Ethan: But here, this part was funny. That Zach spotted.

Trisha: It's just like, I don't feel like he, people know how damaging, how damaging that is. And he's like, cackling and laughing and thinking he is just-

Ethan: What.

Trisha: Doing the Lord's work here on YouTube, like, just, just...

Ethan: What?

Hila: She just said "he's Catholic"?

Ethan: She's saying, she's saying... damn you just have to look, take one look at my face and know that I'm not Catholic.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Uh, she was like, "Oh, he's a hypocrite," I guess? 'Cause he's Catholic and he's making fun of people. Yeah, well sorry lady. Jews can say whatever the hell we want.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Yeah. Funny stuff. She's a character, man. She's a character. I, that was an epic collab. I totally didn't anticipate it. Like, this came so out of left field, but I think I enjoyed it. I think deep down she enjoyed it as well.

Hila: I've got lots of nice messages, um, my mom liked the video and the message.

Ethan: Come on, we've got moms liking the video, here-

Hila: When moms liking the video.

Ethan: Give me a break. Give me a break. Um, yeah. So there you have it. That's about it. Oh, and then there was this fantastic followup. This kind of underlies the whole, oh that's not it. I can't show you guys that. No. Ugh, I can't believe I linked that instead of what I wanted to.

Hila: Mmm.

Ethan: I'll find it. There, there was a joke that was too cruel, we cut it. And I'm not, and Hila forbid me to repeat it. But that's it, that's proof that I sensor myself. There was a joke that was too mean, I thought it was very funny, but we looked over it when we were planning the vid and we decided, "You know what? This is too mean."

Hila: Sometimes I, I give the veto [inaudible 01:06:42].

Ethan: Yeah. Of course. I totally got Hila's approval on all those jokes before-

Hila: Yeah. Oh yeah.

Ethan: Going out.

Hila: I mean-

Ethan: I was like, "Is this too cruel?" [crosstalk 01:06:49]

Hila: [inaudible 01:06:49] then we thought about it together.

Ethan: Well Hila was, was, yeah she was more on the, yeah. But I definitely got Hila's approval before blasting that out. 'Cause as the, you know. But anyway.

Ethan: This is what I was trying to show you guys. This is reality versus Instagram for you. Now this is so... It's so much like me and so much not like me. Like imagine you're meeting a Tinder date and the guy on the right is who you're expecting and the guy on the left is who's, who shows up. You know?

Ethan: Um, it's so uncanny. It's so much like me and so much unlike me. Isn't it so bizarre?

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Man, I can't get over it. They like fixed my jawline, I guess. Removed-

Hila: I don't like the guy on the right. Gotta tell you.

Ethan: Well. I guess he would be considered more, like, if you're trying to just fuck some dumb, you know, some dumb-dumbs on Instagram then he would definitely fetch more.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: You have to admit that.

Hila: Probably.

Ethan: Yeah. Nothing wrong with him. I'd fuck him.

Dan: (laughs). Saw a lot of people on the Subreddit that say, uh, the Chad version of you looks like, uh, Coby Persin.

Ethan: Yeah, it does. It's Coby. Nah, I'd fuck that version of me. It's definitely more handsome, but I don't know what it is-

Hila: I don't know.

Ethan: It, it is. Come on. Give me a break.

Hila: But it's like a different person.

Ethan: It is.

Hila: I almost feel like, I-

Ethan: You'd be cheating on me?

Hila: I'm starting, like, to imagine his personality, he's a different guy.

Ethan: It's Chad Klein.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: But it's, it's ama- it's the same nose, the same eyes, the same eyebrows. The same lips, or maybe he made the lips fuller. He fixed the jawline. That's the big one. He, he removed-

Hila: No double neck.

Ethan: The gray hair. Yeah, no double neck (laughs).

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: He smoothed out my skin. Oh and by the way I was trying to show you guys in the, the video itself, like looking at my skin now, it looks like I have good skin. But when you look up close and I did Insta stories, I have so many blackheads. My skin is so disgusting, I'm telling you. Up close, we are all monsters.

Ethan: That was one of the underlying themes that I think the 300 IQ people missed as well. Um, they were too busy calculating the, the density of the black hole at the center of our galaxy to appreciate the message that we're all monsters.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: We all have black heads. We all have pores and wrinkles and cellulite. It's disgusting. You know? So... That's that. This guy probably has a bigger dick, though, let's be honest. On the right? Chad Klein?

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: Could just be compensating, you know?

Ethan: No, Chad Klein is stacked. (laughs). Put [ProJared 01:09:46] to shame.

Ethan: Um, god we covered a lot of ground. Was there anything else to talk about with this one? No. That's it. So hope you guys enjoyed the new video. I'm working hard to make more content. I enjoyed that video. I thought, I was very proud of that video because I had a vision for what I wanted it to be, something that I've been trying to envision for a while of this kind of content that's like entertaining and breezy and fun and light.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: In a format that really encapsulates it. I was going, I was kind of modeling it after the Mark Zuckerberg video, the...

Hila: Zuck Gets Roasted.

Ethan: Zuck Gets Roasted. And I just, I had a mission and I think that I executed it really well.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: And I, and it was a very nice, it went very nicely. The, the, you know, part of the reason why we took a long break before was that the process was so miserable.

Hila: Right.

Ethan: And so this, this process was nice. It was, it was nice from beginning to end.

Hila: When, meaning just the, it's the whole part that you guys don't see. But like coming up with the idea and then the recording part, the editing part.

Ethan: The planning.

Hila: Sometimes those parts can be a nightmare when it doesn't go-

Ethan: Smoothly.

Hila: Smooth, yeah.

Ethan: Even as far as even the thumbnail and the title.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: Couldn't even. But mostly it's the planning, the recording, and the recording. Editing is always fine. I, I have no problem editing.

Hila: I guess. Yeah.

Ethan: So there you have it, folks. All right.

Hila: Should we show Shredder

Ethan: Oh yeah, hit the, hit us with the Shredder. So sweet. Aw, he's a little out of frame.

Hila: Hmm.

Ethan: That's all right. You get the idea.

Dan: This is important, I'm gonna go reframe it.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Um, let's see. I've got some other stuff here. Let's just talk about some stuff. Um-

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: It's Dan. You remember Uncle Dan.

Dan: [inaudible 01:11:37]. Show him in the wide view.

Ethan: Okay, I think this defeats the purpose of the Shredder cam.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: (laughs). You're so cute, Shredder.

Ethan: I wanna talk about pointless Guinness World Records. There's two that I've come across recently that have truly, uh, uh, inspired me. First being, this is one I just saw. Fastest nose typer. Okay? Now you asked yourself, does everything need to be a Guinness World Record?

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: You know what I mean? Um-

Hila: How do you even think of that.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: A nose typer?

Ethan: What, is there really competition? It's like saying-

Dan: I might wanna get in on this.

Ethan: I, I have a- (laughs). I have the Guinness World Record for person who can blink the fastest. You know? It's like, okay. You wanna get in on this, Dan?

Dan: You wanna, you wanna see me try?

Hila: Does he have no hands or something?

Dan: I mean, to be honest-

Ethan: Good question.

Dan: He's fast, but not that fast.

Ethan: Well he's the Guinness World Record for it.

Dan: But like you said, I mean, how many people have tried?

Ethan: Well apparently the fastest is 40.19 seconds.

Dan: To, to type, what was the sentence? Go back a little bit.

Ethan: It said, yeah. I got you. It said, um, "Guinness World Record have challenged me to type this sentence using my nose in the fastest time." 40.19-

Dan: That's it? 40.19 seconds.

Ethan: Yeah, maybe... But if he didn't have hands, still there's more effective ways of typing. Like they're not fucking mutant freaks. Like people without hands, they're just pecking everything with their nose. We have technology.

Ethan: They have their voice.

Hila: Right.

Ethan: We have voice detection.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: There's no reason for it.

Ethan: I was trying it at home, it is really hard. But I guess you, you know, with everything, practice. So that one was phenomenal. Dan do you want to try typing something with your nose? I mean it is very difficult.

Dan: I might give it a shot, yeah.

Ethan: You're talking shit like you can just smash this guy.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: You know? Here, I'm gonna try typing "Hi Dan." Ready?

Dan: Here we go.

Ethan: "Hi Dam."

Hila: Dam.

Dan: Pretty close.

Ethan: Yeah, it's pretty good. It's, it's, I feel like my speed would've [matched 01:13:57] him, I think the problem is the accuracy.

Hila: Yeah.

Dan: Yeah [crosstalk 01:14:00], yeah that's a good point.

Ethan: Hi.

Hila: Yeah, no, you, you got typos.

Ethan: Also you can't see 'cause your face is too close.

Dan: Right, you gotta do it all by feel. Yeah, I could see, there's more to it. I gotta give him more credit.

Ethan: Yeah, come on Dan. Don't, don't condescend this man's achievements.

Dan: (laughs). I mean he's no walnut smasher, let's be, let's be real.

Ethan: Right, no. That, that's the most coveted of all the Guinness World Record- but like, is any, can anything be a Guinness World Record? Do you know what I'm saying, like-

Dan: I think so. I mean honestly.

Ethan: Some records just don't need to be cataloged.

Dan: They sort of embrace- (laughs).

Ethan: What is that?

Dan: That's the walnut smashing guy.

Ethan: Oh.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: There was no way to know what that sound, sound bite- hit me with that again?

Hila: What.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Bro, that is like totally indistinguishable. Hit me with that one more time.

Dan: You got it Zach?

Ethan: All right, the, the-

Dan: We lost it. He lost it.

Ethan: Wow. Just like that, huh?

Dan: There it is. (laughs).

Ethan: You can hear it, actually.

Dan: Yeah.

Ethan: You can hear it. Yeah, there's, that's pretty painful. Like when you know what's happening and you imagine it in your brain. Hit it, hit me with it. Keep going. Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right.

Ethan: Okay, so here is the largest, this has 58 million views? Holy god.

Hila: Wow.

Ethan: Um, not even ProJared's penis has that many views. Largest human mattress dominoes. Okay. Who's idea was this? And how many competitors are there?

Hila: What?

Ethan: Like how many people are competing in this category?

Hila: Oh my god.

Ethan: I'm gonna mute this 'cause they're probably [inaudible 01:15:43].

Hila: What is this stupid (laughs).

Ethan: Or maybe I'll just turn it down. But that, exactly. Like why is this a thing?

Hila: Why? And why does it look like they're at work?

Ethan: Yeah, I think it's sponsored by some mattress company.

Hila: Oh, god.

Ethan: They're gonna resell those. You know that.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: They're all covered in plastic and shit. That's in their, their warehouse, probably. All these overweight, everyone's fat in it. Do you notice that?

Hila: Oh, it's almost a requirement probably.

Ethan: Why?

Hila: To make sure you-

Ethan: No (laughs). They only get fat people? I think people, I think Americans I just fat. There's so many people in there! Don't you guys have better shit to do? Like everybody took time out of their day to do this?

Dan: We're doing it.

Ethan: No, not everyone's fat. Just, just that row.

Dan: (laughs).

Hila: Totally reminds me of the "we are Walmart."

Dan: They're like high fiving, they're like, you know it's-

Ethan: We are, we are, Walmart.

Dan: What's the accomplishment?

Ethan: So Aaron incorporated, oh here they are being presented. Epic. Oh, they got silly putty. So epic. I wanna watch this again.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: This was way too epic to only watch once. Are we gonna get claimed for this?

Dan: Probably.

Ethan: I'm gonna dispute that all the way to the fucking god. Just don't block me. Largest human mattress dominoes. There's one row where everyone's super fat. Like here, it's coming up. Like damn, they're really plopping down.

Dan: (laughs). Some of these guys are eating shit kind of like on the curve.

Hila: The comments on this are pretty funny.

Ethan: They probably have medics on, on... oh my god.

Hila: Now I know why my mattress takes so long to arrive.

Ethan: (laughs). Aw, man. Dude, this is so epic. These people took place in something really special. They'll remember this. They'll totally remember this. By the way, you can tell here at this point, some of these dudes, like that gap is too big and some of them are intentionally falling.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: They are not being pushed.

Dan: Whoa.

Hila: [inaudible 01:17:54].

Ethan: Like I'm serious, like look at this guy in particular.

Hila: Oh. Yes.

Ethan: He's falling back. That guy, too. He barely got touched.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: That's the thing about the human aspect of the domino. The human aspect is fallible. So can we really call this a domino, or? Do you know what I'm saying, Dan?

Dan: Yeah, no I'm, I'm, I think it calls the whole thing into question.

Ethan: Yeah. I'm gonna have to contest this with the officials.

Dan: (laughs). [inaudible 01:18:19].

Ethan: Dan can you file an official, uh-

Dan: Yes, I'll [crosstalk 01:18:22].

Ethan: Content on that?

Ethan: Can you imagine if you could actually get them struck from the record? Like after all this-

Hila: That would be so mean. (laughs).

Ethan: I'll make like a video, an H3 video.

Dan: See I was, I was jokingly talking shit about the nose-typer, but at least that takes skill. This is just a bunch of people with mattresses. Like, what is this? This isn't any record.

Ethan: This-

Dan: You just got a bunch of mattresses together. Like what's, what's the accomplishment, here?

Ethan: The accomplishment, Dan, really is how many man hours can you waste-

Dan: [crosstalk 01:18:56] Can you waste, exactly.

Ethan: Like how much productivity was lost? You know how sometimes like during natural disasters the government will be like, "It was esti-" or like during the Superbowl or something they'll be like, "Government estimates there was like a trillion dollars lost in productivity." This is like one of the biggest losses of productivity ever to happen in Kansas or wherever this happened.

Ethan: I know it's Kansas because I didn't see one ethnic person and everyone's overweight. I mean, I'm not talking shit about Kansas, but. Should I not have said that?

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Am I wrong?

Dan: I, I believe I saw one or two black people in there. You, you just moused over one.

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: There you go.

Ethan: But, oh yeah there's a black guy.

Dan: Yeah!

Ethan: Oh, there's tons, what am I talking, I'm such an asshole.

Dan: Come on.

Ethan: Don't listen to me.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Don't listen to me. God, I'm such a douche. Largest human mattress dominoes, let's watch it again. That first guy's the first one. That was so epic. Watch this, this guy just pushes his ass. So epic. That's the push that was heard around the world.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: This was such a epic moment for them. I wonder if the guy who was pushing the first domino was, felt bad that he wasn't attached to a domino.

Dan: That's a good point. He kinda got left out here.

Ethan: Like he's the hero that stays behind to keep the door closed, you know what I mean? While the monsters try to get in. It's a epic sacrifice. And this broke, fucking, so epic. Push that domino. Sick. Dude that second guy almost fucked it up.

Ethan: That man's way too old to be eating shit on a domino. Like that guy, like, kinda eats shit. (laughs).

Dan: Broke his legs. That was it for him.

Ethan: Man. I wouldn't be surprised if someone was injured, though. 'Cause this is not the model of health, let's be honest. Those [corners 01:20:48] take it hard. Those corners take it real hard. Right? Watch the corner. They eat shit on the corner. There's a good corner shot here, everyone's over this but I'm not.

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Watch these corner shots. This guy's bracing for impact. Fucking epic (laughs). Those guys-

Dan: [inaudible 01:21:10].

Ethan: Yeah. Those guys actually, epic fall right there. Dude, that guy's huge. All right. I wonder if the big guys get a, 'cause you know how like different mattresses have different thickness? I wonder if they big boys got the more thick mattresses. Okay. We watch that enough times?

Ethan: So there you have it, pointless Guinness Records. Now, next up, let's just blast through here guys, we're on a role. Sanic. Sanic the Hegehog trailer. Dumbest shit I've ever seen in my life. Who cares about Sonic? Sonic fans are the weirdest people in the world.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Like, who even asked for this movie? It looks so dumb.

Dan: Seriously.

Hila: What do you think about the Pikachu movie?

Ethan: I think it looks dumb. I hate it.

Dan: Ian just saw it last night.

Ethan: Ian, tell me [inaudible 01:21:57] if you like it. And don't say you liked it. I'm kidding, you can say you liked it.

Dan: Uh... Well, I was in that sweet spot for Pokemon when I was a kid.

Ethan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Dan: So it hit me on the nostalgia level pretty hard. Removing that, it's just very average. Very average movie.

Ethan: Everyone trips out any time Ryan Reynolds is in anything.

Hila: I just saw the pictures like on posts of Pikachu with the hat.

Ethan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Hila: I just, I don't know why I can't get it off my head, but I just feel like he's like a, the religious Pikachu.

Ethan: What?

Dan: Wait-

Ethan: Throw that up, I wanna see religious Pikachu.

Hila: He's not, but it's just like why does he have a hat on.

Ethan: Well, let's find out. Let's get to the center of this. Why does he have a hat on? That's a good question. Why does he have a hat on?

Hila: There's a lot of times [crosstalk 01:22:44].

Ethan: Is it a Sherlock Holmes thing?

Dan: Yeah, he's a detective. Well, not exactly.

Ethan: Wait, I have no idea, so why is Pikachu a detective.

Hila: I don't know, I don't know anything about this movie-

Dan: I don't really know, to be honest (laughs).

Ethan: Um-

Dan: I thought, well Ian explained that this, this is like a canon movie. This, this takes place in the, the Pokemon world. I, I thought this was gonna be like, they're in New York or something. You know? And then it's just like a detective movie with Pikachu.

Ethan: So this is canon?

Dan: This is like part of the continuity of-

Ethan: So Ry-

Dan: The main Pokemon story.

Ethan: I thought he just said Pikachu.

Dan: Well that's the thing, he, he, this is a speaking one I guess. I don't know.

Ethan: Oh.

Dan: You remember the, the, what was the cat that talked in the anime? Meowth. There's precedent. There's precedent for talking Pokemon, is what I'm trying to say. So.

Ethan: Well, however bad I think that looks, I understand the nostalgia. And it didn't, I mean I, you know, they made their best effort. Pikachu looked true to form. But this Sonic trailer is absolutely unforgivable. Sonic's like, I think Sonic just needs to go away.

Dan: Yeah it's not good, no one gives a shit.

Ethan: Like Sonic has been struggling from the very inception of Sonic in the shadow of Mario. And everyone was always kind of down with Sonic but at the same time it's like I think Sonic just, it's time to just accept your fate.

Dan: Retire.

Hila: Just doesn't have that x factor to be a movie star.

Ethan: He's got that extra x chromosome is what he's got. It's a x factor of some sort. Sorry to everybody I offended with that joke. Apologies in advance. Let's watch this dumb ass, yeah let's just watch this.

Ethan: I mean, the Sonic games are fun, but it's not like a [crosstalk 01:24:25]-

Dan: You gonna get claimed for showing this trailer?

Ethan: What?

Dan: You gonna get a claim for showing this trailer?

Ethan: Well that would be a fucking joke, wouldn't it?

Dan: I mean.

Ethan: Well, whatever, I'll dispute it.

Dan: All right, fair enough.

Ethan: But like, I can't get over when people are making ads and I'm sharing that ad, like can you really own an ad? It's meant to be shared. Anyway, I'm, I'm, yeah whatever. He found an electric hair. Pube.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: He's so humanoid.

Hila: So creepy.

Ethan: It's just the-

Speaker 4: Gotta go fast.

Ethan: Well, why did he say "gotta go fast"? Isn't that a shitty, like-

Dan: I think it's his tagline.

Ethan: Oh, I thought that was [crosstalk 01:25:14] just like a dumb meme.

Dan: Or maybe it is just from a meme. I don't know.

Ethan: But "gotta go fast"? Like hello? Who says that? You're trying to develop like a relatable character and he's saying, "Gotta go fast."

Hila: Look at how he looks.

Ethan: It's so bad. It's so bad. It makes me angry that Sonic is like a humanoid.

Hila: (laughs).

Dan: Gotta Go Fast is the title of the theme song from the English version of the Sonic the Hedgehog anime.

Ethan: So it was never actually said, stated anywhere?

Dan: I, I, I guess.

Ethan: And meanwhile they're playing Gangster's Paradise.

Hila: (laughs) Yeah.

Dan: Just like-

Ethan: With no, it's not used iron- I guess it's meant to be ironic, but there's no... Like comedically you would expect Gangster's Paradise to go with like nerds and a tie and a white shirt.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: Like from Office Space, they were playing gangster music as these nerds in the office, so that there's this obvious... uh, satirical use of the song.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: But there's no obvious s- satirical use of Gangster's Paradise here. Um, it's just Sonic saying, "Gotta go fast," looking like a weird fanfic. Looks like a Tumblr version of like a sexual Sonic.

Hila: Yep.

Ethan: That has a penis for some reason. And is cumming in his own mouth. What's the name of that, uh, anime where her eyes go all sideways and her tongue's out? You guys know what I'm talking about.

Dan: I don't think that's from uh, an anime specifically though. Isn't that just like a trope?

Ethan: Ian, you know what I'm talking about.

Dan: I'm the only one here who doesn't watch anime. (laughs).

Ethan: All right, you guys are [crosstalk 01:26:55].

Dan: I know what you're referencing I just didn't know it was from something specific-

Ethan: It's that one girl, that one girl that everybody hates on who's like-

Hila: I have no idea.

Ethan: It's like their eyes go cross- okay. Let's move on. It's from hentai, there's like the, the, eyes go cross-eyed and their tongue is out and their drooling.

Hila: Hmm.

Ethan: Well anyway, I imagine Son- this is a Sonic fanfic of that.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Is what it would look like, and there's like cum all over his face. For some reason 'cause it's on Tumblr.

Speaker 4: Gotta go fast.

Ethan: By the way, heard that Pornhub is thinking about buying Tumblr back to bring porn back to Tumblr.

Dan: (laughs) I read that.

Hila: Really?

Dan: That's pretty funny.

Ethan: That's awesome.

Hila: Huh.

Ethan: That's epic. They'll just turn Tumblr into like-

Hila: Just porn.

Ethan: Pornblr. What it was before anyway.

Speaker 5: 20 minutes ago, an energy surge knocked out power across the entire specific [crosstalk 01:27:40].

Ethan: Why Gangster Paradise?

Speaker 5: We just need someone who can figure out exactly [crosstalk 01:27:43] what we're dealing with.

Ethan: Who's the Gangster? And where's paradise?

Speaker 5: We have no choice.

Ethan: So... [crosstalk 01:27:51] Jim Carrey.

Speaker 6: Are you in charge here?

Speaker 7: Yes I am.

Speaker 6: Nope!

Speaker 7: My-

Speaker 6: Wrong. I'm in charge. Allow me to clarify. Zzz, zzz. In a sequentially ranked hierarchy based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify. Agent Stone.

Speaker 8: The doctor thinks you're basic.

Speaker 7: Listen pal, I don't know if you realize-

Ethan: This is what they chose of the movie. This is the highlight.

Dan: This is the highlight.

Ethan: That, the comical pinnacle of the film.

Dan: (laughs).

Hila: "You're basic"?

Ethan: Let me translate. So here's, here's, here's where this has a huge problem. People who are fans of Sonic are my age.

Dan: Got an explanation for you, by the way. That's what I just put in-

Ethan: Oh, [Dan 01:28:31]. Okay. So, well, I guess we've, we've probably moved on past her, but. "Comes from the genre of hentai called Ahegao, where the girl is fucked so hard they make that kind of face. Or guy, I don't know, I ain't gay."

Dan: That's the top comment on the thread explaining it.

Ethan: Okay, so they get, they enjoy the sex so much they go cross-eyed and drool.

Dan: There you go.

Ethan: By the way, there's no, it's no wonder you guys are incels when you're watching that.

Dan: (laughs).

Ethan: Like how can you watch that and be well-adjusted to life?

Hila: (laughs).

Ethan: Imagining girls going cross-eyed and drooling because they're enjoying sex so much. Um, anyway. The people that are Sonic fans are my age, and yet this humor is catered towards 12 year old. So who exactly is this for?

Speaker 6: I'm sorry, Major, what was your name?

Speaker 7: Benning-

Speaker 6: Nobody cares.

Dan: So funny.

Ethan: So cringey, dude.

Dan: Damn, dude.

Ethan: I mean, Jim Carrey, I mean everybody loves Jim Carrey. But-

Hila: Why did you take this movie on?

Ethan: Yeah, that's a huge question mark.

Dan: Money.

Ethan: I would assume money, but he's so rich. I mean, people-

Hila: But I feel like he probably gets a lot of movie offers.

Ethan: Yeah, he's-

Hila: Why pick (laughs) this one.

Ethan: Jim Carrey could do anything, you're right.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Jim Carrey could do anything. He's dramatic, he's comical, he's got it all, he's worth 150 mollin dollars. He's on top of the world. Doctor Robotnik?

Ethan: ... top of the world. Doctor Robotnik. You read that script, and you thought that was a good dialogue? Maybe he's friends with the director, or some shit, you know?

Ethan: Sometimes friends call in favors you really don't want to do.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Some Godfather shit.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: One day, I will ask a favor of you. That day may never come. But today is that day. Jim Carey, I have a favor to ask of you. I know that you will not want to do this, but if you recall, when you came up in your career, I helped you. I took out the guy. I killed a man who was your competition, so that you would become a star, and now, look how far you've come.

Ethan: Jim Carey, I ask you for this favor, my son is making a movie about Sonic the Hedgehog, and I ask you, Jim, only you could be Doctor Robotnik. This role was meant for you, Jim, and might I mind you, you to- you owe me a favor that you cannot refuse.

Ethan: And so, with light in my heart, Jim Carey, with this favor that you so graciously owe me, I demand that you will play Doctor Robotnik in the Sonic- in the Sonic movie. Right, Hila?

Hila: (laughing)

Dan: (laughing) I just looked it up, it's the- the director, it's his uh, debut, first movie he's directed.

Ethan: Dude is totally blackmail. (laughing) His debut? Bro, I-

Dan: Yeah, I mean, he's worked on other movies, but this is his uh-

Ethan: His directorial debut?

Dan: ... feature film, yeah.

Ethan: I swear to God, there's something like that. (laughing)

Dan: Yeah.

Ethan: Like, there's no reason for Jim Carey to do this, unless he's being extorted by the Godpapa. (laughing) This- he's getting called in a favor, right now.

Dan: Now, did you hear that the director said they're going to redo-

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: ... Sonic in this movie?

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Yeah, they're going to redesign his-

Dan: That is an unbelievable amount of work. Like, they-

Ethan: Bro, they have already made the movie.

Dan: Well, they need to redo (laughing) [crosstalk 01:32:12] shot.

Ethan: Well, you know it's going to be- they're probably going to do it super ghetto, where like, they're going to try to like, adjust it, and then re-render the whole movie.

Dan: Yeah, probably.

Hila: I don't think-

Dan: I mean- (laughing)

Ethan: I honestly-

Dan: Yeah. I feel bad for those-

Hila: They're just going to fix it for the first five minutes.

Dan: ... visual effects guys.

Hila: ... and then, and then they're like, "Well, you're already here."

Dan: (laughing) Right, gotcha.

Ethan: It's going to come out, so ass. To be honest with you, I do want to watch this film. It's going to be such a train wreck.

Hila: I don't know, I-

Dan: It might be so bad, it's good, kind of situation.

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: It- it could.

Hila: I want to watch Jim Carey, saying, "Doctor, you're basic."

Ethan: Yeah. Actually, that was his assistant.

Hila: Or, his assistant.

Ethan: Translating.

Dan: (laughs)

Ethan: Yeah. What he did say was, "What's your name? Nobody cares."

Dan: (laughs) Got him.

Ethan: That's epic dialogue.

Dan: Gotten.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Dude, somebody's got dirt on Jim Carey.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: There is literally no excuse for him to be in this film. His directorial debut?

Dan: (laughing)

Ethan: Come on. I want to watch this, though.

Tom: Hands up, PD.

Sonic: Uh. Meow?

Ethan: I hate you, Sonic. Why is his voice like that?

Hila: Everything. Why does he look like that?

Ethan: His voice doesn't work. He should shoot him. (laughing) Oh, he does shoot him.

Ethan: By the way-

Sonic: Oh, come on-

Ethan: ... if he's so fucking fast, why was he hit by a dart?

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: That was a comment, I can't take credit for that observation. But it's true. He's so fast, he broke the speed bar- sound of speed, right there on that road. He's so epic, his hair is made of electricity, but he just got shot by a poison dart, by some Joe Schmo. Sorry Sonic, you suck.

Tom: Okay, pal. I want answers.

Sonic: Basically, it looks like I'm going to have to save your planet.

Ethan: Whose voice is that?

Hila: Basically-

Ethan: I recognize the voice. Whose voice is that, Dan? Who does Sonic?

Dan: Oh, it's Ben Schwartz. Jean-Ralphio.

Ethan: Hmm. So, so epic.

Sonic: Ho, ho. Is that all you got?

Dr Robotnik: No, but thank you for asking.

Sonic: Uh oh.

Dr Robotnik: Whatever this creature is, our job is to secure it, neutralize it, and see what makes it tick.

Hila: It's got to be so bad.

Ethan: Bro.

Hila: That movie.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: If this is the trailer-

Ethan: Dude, epic bad. And this is like, a high budget film. I mean, they have big actors, apparently. I'm not sure that they- they probably should have put more into the budget of the special effects, instead of Jim Carey, getting Jim Carey.

Ethan: They're like, "We have a hundred million dollar budget." They're like, "Okay, 90 million to get Jim Carey."

Hila: (laughs) I'm totally going to watch it.

Ethan: Oh my God. Can't wait. This song literally has no bear- this song has no bearing. There's no explanation for this song. Dude, he's literally, look how fast he is, and he got shot by a poison dart. Like, watch this. No problem.

Sonic: Look at this, I took nine million steps today.

Ethan: Bro, you got shot by a poison dart, how can you do all these things simultaneously? (laughing) Like, the continuity mistake on that is so bad. [crosstalk 01:35:41].

Sonic: How much longer? I can't breathe in here.

Movie Woman: Do you have your child in that bag?

Tom: No. I mean, yes, it's a child. But it's not mine.

Ethan: So, that's a joke?

Movie Man: It's not your child?

Sonic: It smells like body spray and an old ham sandwich.

Ethan: Oh, di- wait, didn't it used to say Axe Body Spray? I have a memory of him saying-

Dan: No, you're thinking of uh-

Ethan: ... Ax.

Dan: ... Endgame.

Hila: No, that was Endgame.

Dan: (laughs)

Ethan: Oh, yeah. Um, dude, that's the worst trailer I've ever seen in my life.

Dan: (laughs) It's pretty fucking bad.

Ethan: So-

Dan: Maybe not as bad as Tiptoes.

Ethan: Tip- no. Well, Tip- well, yeah. I don't know.

Dan: (laughs)

Hila: Also, a song like this is so good, and then to not use it properly, so awful.

Ethan: It's a sin.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: In fact, whoever licensed that to them should be ashamed.

Hila: Because when you take a song like that-

Ethan: Ah, if Coolio wants a paycheck, God bless him.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: He hasn't been paid in a while.

Hila: Oh yeah, what does he care?

Ethan: Yeah. (laughs)

Hila: But when you take a song like that, and you put footage with it, it's like immediately good-

Ethan: Right.

Hila: Usually.

Ethan: Right.

Hila: (laughs) And they fucked it up.

Ethan: It doesn't even make sense, what they did. But you're right. It's one of those songs that's like-

Hila: It's like, you put anything in slow motion-

Ethan: Yes.

Hila: It's awesome.

Ethan: Yeah. Sonic.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Oh my God. Yeah, that's the worst- that's going to be the worst movie ever made.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: I predict, on Ro- I'm going to make a Rotten Tomatoes prediction for this movie. I think it's going to get like, definitely under th- I'm going to make a bold prediction, ca- I think it's obviously going to get under 50. That's obvious. But the question is, how risky do I want to put myself out there. I- under ten is a bold, but possible-

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Under ten is very rare. But I- I am confident to say under 20, percent.

Hila: Hmm.

Ethan: Do you have a- I mean, you know.

Hila: I was going to say like 20 something.

Ethan: Should we make exact number guesses, and then we can compare? I predict 12 percent, maybe eight.

Hila: I say 28.

Ethan: 28? Wow. That's optimistic. Do you guys have any horse in this race?

Dan: This is Rotten Tomatoes, right?

Ethan: Yes.

Dan: Rotten Tomatoes, the way they score, it's just a perc- what percent-

Ethan: I know.

Dan: ... of positive reviews, so I'll- I'm going to go with zero. I'm going to be really bold. I don't think this is going to get-

Ethan: You think it's going to get a straight zero? I mean, that's a- [crosstalk 01:38:04] ... that doesn't really happen.

Dan: Hey, is- but I mean-

Hila: Does that happen, though? Because I don't know that-

Ethan: It does, yeah.

Dan: It happens, it happens.

Ethan: Yeah, Dan, can you-

Dan: Because all that means is-

Ethan: When you guys-

Dan: All that means is that there's nobody that gives it even-

Ethan: They recommend watching it.

Dan: ... even like slightly positive review, which-

Ethan: Can you guys [crosstalk 01:38:17]-

Dan: ... is totally possible.

Ethan: ... find a list of zero percent Rotten Tomatoes?

Dan: Yeah, probably, here. Let me look it up-

Ian: I think that that new Will Farrell movie, the Holmes and Watson, that got a really-

Ethan: Can you send me a link, I want to pull it up. I'm fascinated by this, zero percenters. It's an exclusive list (laughs) an exclusive club.

Dan: (laughing)

Hila: (laughing)

Dan: Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Ethan: Will Farrell hasn't made a good movie in a fucking long hot minute.

Dan: Here we go.

Ethan: Zero percent is definitely a possibility, but-

Dan: The Ridiculous Six got a zero. Max Steel got a zero-

Ethan: Yeah.

Dan: I don't even remember that. Oh wait, they're like, mixing in hundred percents with zero percents, this is a stupid list.

Ethan: The Ridiculous Six, Max Steel, see, I haven't heard of these.

Dan: Ridiculous Six was I think, a- an Adam Sandler, straight to Netflix.

Ethan: Oh. That does-

Hila: Isn't it a net show?

Ethan: Oh, I saw that.

Dan: Yeah.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: (laughs)

Dan: Yeah.

Hila: (laughs)

Ethan: Zero percent, man. That's an achievement, even for Adam.

Hila: Wait, so I've got to change my guess here, because I didn't know.

Ethan: Well here, Bucky Larson, Born to be a Star. Isn't that another Adam Sandler? (laughing) Dude, Adam Sandler is like-

Dan: It is.

Ian: These amazing movies.

Ethan: ... on a roll. Zero percent. Nobody recommended it.

Ian: Baby Geniuses Two. That's a zero percent.

Hila: Jaws, the Revenge.

Ethan: Whoa. Whoa. Pinocchio, zero percent. (laughing) I didn't know about this. This guy Roberto Benigni, he had a cr- rose to critical acclaim, when in 1997, his film Life is Beautiful won three Academy Awards.

Dan: Right.

Ethan: And he was like, this incredible overnight success. But his next film, a live action retelling of the classic children's tale, Pinocchio, was creepy and poorly made. (laughing) Misguided vanity project, got a zero percent.

Hila: Wow.

Dan: (laughing)

Ethan: I'm fascinated to watch that.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Whoa. That's amazing. I don't care about hundreds, get out of here.

Dan: Yeah, I don't know why they-

Ethan: Jaws, the Revenge.

Dan: ... put them together. Yeah. (laughing)

Ethan: Pudsey the Dog, the movie.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Super Babies, zero percent. (laughing) So, they're out there.

Dan: Gotti, I mean, that was just last year, the thing with John Travolta? That's a zero percent.

Ethan: Gotti. Mac and Me? I have no idea what that is.

Dan: Oh. Mac and Me. You don't know what Mac and Me is?

Ethan: No, but it looks awful.

Dan: Oh, it's amazing. (laughs) It's like an ET rip off, that was made by McDonald's, in the '80s.

Ethan: Oh, no. [crosstalk 01:40:39] McDonald's?

Dan: Yes.

Ethan: No.

Dan: And McDonald's like, paid for it, and there are like, multiple, like, ju- extremely long McDonald's pr- uh, product placements, throughout it. It's-

Ethan: Oh my goodness.

Dan: ... incredible.

Ethan: That was a-

Hila: McDonald's and Coca-Cola, it says.

Ethan: Dude, that's bold. Even for like, advertisers to think, "You know what, we're- You know what's the next step? We're going to make a movie, (laughing) and our own ads in it." That's so epic. Mac and Me.

Dan: You've probably seen the scene of the- the kid in a wheelchair, um-

Ethan: Oh, flying off the cliff?

Dan: Flying off the cliff? That's from that movie.

Ethan: Noooooo.

Hila: I've seen that.

Ethan: That's from Mac and Me?

Dan: Yeah, that's from Mac and Me. Dude, it's worth a watch. It is- it is- [crosstalk 01:41:12] It is terrible, they're aren't a lot of really funny scenes in it.

Ethan: We should eat McDonald's. I love McDonald's.

Dan: (laughs)

Ethan: I want a McDonald's and a Coke, even at the thought of it. Precious Cargo. Again, Bruce Willis has been in some stinkers, but this one has zero percent. A Thousand Words. Oh, poor Eddie Murphy.

Dan: Eddie Murphy's been-

Ethan: That guy's been on a- such a long losing streak. Like, fucking zero percent, man.

Dan: Oh, yeah.

Ethan: It's such a shame, because he's such a funny guy.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: His stand up is so amazing, but zero percent. Wagons East. (laughing) John Candy. Yeah. He was a s- he made some bad ones, too. Look Who's Talking Now, John Travolta has got to have a-

Dan: He's on this list quite a few times. (laughing)

Ethan: Yeah, John Travolta's got to hold some record for the most worst movies ever. Zero percent. Mary Poppins, that's a hundred. Su- super- Surfer, Dude. Matthew McConaughey [crosstalk 01:42:08] zero percent. (laughing)

Ethan: Gotti. That had zero percent?

Dan: Yeah, I mean, I didn't see that one, but I heard it was-

Ethan: Whoa.

Dan: ... god awful.

Ethan: Do you know how bad a movie has to be for every single critic alive to be like, "I don't recommend you see this."

Hila: Huh.

Ethan: Poor John Travolta, man. I think he's only made two good movies in his whole life. Which is Pulp Fiction and Grease. I don't even like Grease, but people like Grease.

Dan: Saturday Night Fever.

Ethan: Uh, yeah. I shouldn't even- I shouldn't make- I don't know what I'm talking about.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: I shouldn't make statements-

Dan: I just looked it up, and it looks like there's- in Rotten Tomatoes, there's only been 29 movies with zero percent.

Ethan: Well, what the hell am I looking at this list for? Let me see that one.

Dan: All right, here. It's Wikipedia page.

Ethan: Oh, they've got a Wi- now that's what I'm talking about.

Dan: There you go.

Ethan: Let's get down to the-

Dan: (laughs) The nitty gritty, here.

Ethan: Here we go, let's get- we got charts. Staying Alive? List of- list of films with a zero percent rating, on Rotten Tomato. Let me go by year. Here, let's go.

Ian: Staying Alive is actually the uh, sequel of Saturday Night Fever. So, another Travolta movie.

Ethan: Oh.

Dan: Oh, you're right. Holy shit.

Ethan: Zero percent.

Dan: He might, he might be the record holder.

Ethan: [crosstalk 01:43:26] Fever?

Dan: Zero percent movies.

Ethan: The Ridiculous-

Dan: He's been talked about quite a few times.

Ethan: Yeah, there's- this is fantastic. The Nutcracker in 3D. (laughing) That's good, man. Yeah. Pinocchio. You know, I actually- I am very curious to watch this movie.

Hila: (laughs)

Dan: Yeah.

Ethan: Can we watch a trailer? I'm intrigued by this. Pinocchio, the year was 2002. Let me watch a trailer for this.

Dan: (laughing)

Ethan: I really want to know.

Dan: Going down a rabbit hole, right now. This is a good rabbit hole, though.

Ethan: I am so curious about this. Because this guy was like, the biggest deal, in Hollywood, after-

Dan: Yeah.

Ethan: After-

Announcer: Have you ever hoped that fantasies could become real?

Ethan: Have-

Announcer: Have you ever wished-

Ethan: Have you ever hoped-

Announcer: ... life was one big adventure?

Ethan: Yeah, this looks like a porn.

Announcer: Now, your wish comes true.

Ethan: Do you know what this is like? Like, if Tommy [inaudible 01:44:22] accidentally had a hit, the first time?

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Dan: (laughs)

Announcer: The most magical tools-

Ethan: And then they gave him a huge budget.

Announcer: ... you could ever need.

Ethan: (laughing)

Announcer: Is coming to life.

Ethan: The music is-

Pinocchio: It's Pinocchio.

Geppetto: Pinocchio!

Ethan: (laughing) Oh boy. (laughing) What?

Hila: What?

Announcer: You know the name.

Ethan: Oh my God.

Hila: Oh.

Announcer: You know the nose.

Ethan: Why is he dressed like that? Oh my-

Announcer: But you don't really know Pinocchio.

Ethan: Oh my God.

Announcer: Until you've met this Pinocchio.

Ethan: I'm just stunned.

Announcer: Miramax Films presents, two time Academy Award Winner, Roberto Benigni.

Ethan: Oh my God.

Announcer: In the extraordinary new telling-

Dan: (laughing) Seriously, this is crazy.

Announcer: ... of a beloved classic tale.

Ethan: Oh my God.

Announcer: Pinocchio.

Ethan: Because they're like, "When we've got the two time Academy Award winner, we can pretty much sell anything." (laughing) But the guy had only made one film.

Dan: That guy- or that trailer was uh-

Ethan: Whoa.

Dan: (laughing) It was hard to watch.

Ethan: Even the music was like-

Dan: Epic.

Ethan: ... weirdly off.

Dan: Everything about it, yeah. Why i- why is Pinocchio like, a 50 year old man? (laughing) Isn't he supposed to be a boy?

Ethan: He's a kid, he's supposed to be his child. Geppetto has adopted a 50 year old man. Now that's a weird twist, on a classic tale. Did you ever wish (laughing) that fantasies could become reality?

Ethan: It's like, bro, if you really care about the story, cast a kid. Why do you have to be the central character? Freak.

Hila: Maybe that's part of his take on it.

Ethan: Yeah, I guess.

Hila: That he's like, old now.

Ethan: He's that geni- no, I think the-

Dan: I'm going to have to track this one down.

Ethan: Well anyway-

Dan: Give it a watch.

Ethan: Sonic, I'm guessing a 12 percent.

Hila: Hmm.

Ethan: You got to say a specific number-

Dan: You're saying 12?

Ethan: And then let's recall this. Yeah.

Dan: Okay. Now, I'm going to write it down.

Ethan: Dan, you're doing zero?

Dan: I'm- I'm going with zero.

Ethan: Hila?

Hila: I guess because I already went so high, I'll just lower it to 20, but I- after seeing this, I'm- I feel like it's going to be really low.

Ethan: I don't think it's going to be zero, though.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Ian and Zack?

Ian: I'm saying 35.

Dan: Whoa.

Ethan: Wow. That's optimistic.

Zack: I'll go 14.

Ethan: Good guess. Solid guess.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: Good guess. 30, you're dreaming, Zack.

Zack: Are we using Price is Right rules, here?

Ethan: No, no, no. Because (laughing) I don't want- I don't want sniping. You got to get it right.

Zack: All right, fair enough.

Ethan: If whoever gets it exactly right, gets to direct my film.

Hila: Wins a free ticket to the movie. (laughing)

Ethan: Yeah. (laughing) Gets to direct my next film, where I star as Woody from Toy Story, in real live action.

Ian: Hell yeah. (laughing)

Ethan: Game of Thrones, I wanted to talk about. Mother effing Game of Thrones. Do we even get into this? This is like a whole thing.

Hila: It's a whole thing.

Ethan: I'm t- I'm over it. So one= oh, we've got to wrap this up, dude. Because we're not live, so we want to get it up today. We were saying we would already have it up at one.

Ethan: Oh, God. Did we need to do this live? It's such a pain in the ass, because we're not going to be able to get it up until like, four, and then it's like, way too late.

Hila: Yeah.

Ethan: I wonder if we should post it on Monday morning?

Hila: But then it's not relevant.

Ethan: It's an- I know, but I'm talk- yeah, I know.

Dan: (laughs)

Ethan: There's a fan story that I have to sneak in, before we end this podcast.

Ian: Yeah, let's do it.

Hila: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ethan: Because this is so fucking epic. I've been talking about bad food. Like, I'm obsessed with it. So this person sent me something that truly I love.

Ethan: "I'm a fan of your channel, and when I saw the video, I thought about Ethan's love for weird Instagram food. This is not from Instagram, I don't really know uh, what it is, but it's so weird, it disturbed me, I decided to share it with you. I don't know the source or context, my mom showed it to me. It says, New Kind of Pizza, in Russian. Thank you. Elena. Elena Zero. Thank you. God Bless."

Ethan: Um, so this is fantastic. This is- this is exactly what I love. You know this- I just want your real reaction to this, okay? The sound is so good, too.

Hila: Like pizza?

Ethan: So, he's scooping french fries into a pizza box-

Hila: Oh my God.

Ethan: Now he's putting mozzarella cheese over the french fries.

Hila: What is that?

Ethan: Now he's piling on um-

Ian: Roast beef?

Ethan: Some kind of meat, out of a warmer, really-

Ian: It looks like roast beef, right?

Hila: It does.

Ethan: He really piles it on, man. Like, he keeps scooping. Like, I'm like, "Dude, that's-" You know. That's a lot of meat. So now he's putting on like, roasted chicken.

Hila: What?

Ethan: On top of the roast beef. All in a pizza box, mind you. On a bed of french fries. Back o- on over to french fries, to complete what he started, the fry is the bun.

Hila: What are you supposed to do with that?

Ethan: They're going back on the roast beef and grilled chicken. Back on over to the mozzarella.

Hila: What?

Ethan: For another layer of cheese. Yep. Every corner matters. Now we are headed over to the sauce section.

Hila: Ew.

Ethan: He put on mayonnaise. We are putting on ketchup. We are putting on um, uh, onion. We're putting on lettuce now, on a hot bed of french fries and meat, and of course, a couple tomatoes. And I love how he just pathetically throws the cucumber on there. (laughing)

Hila: What?

Ethan: There you have it.

Ian: Delicious.

Ethan: That's called a Russian Pie.

Hila: (laughing)

Dan: (laughing) God.

Ethan: A Moscow Pie, I think they call that. That-

Hila: What are you supposed to do with that?

Ethan: That's the dumbest thing I can ever imagine putting on a menu.

Hila: Why is it in a pizza box? (laughing)

Ethan: Well, I guess they also make pizza, but they just have like, this epic original dish.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: It's probably the guy posted it to his Facebook page, he's like, "Hey guys, here's how I kill myself."

Hila: (laughing)

Dan: Would you guys try that?

Ethan: I mean, I would take a bite, but I can never see myself ever wanting to eat that. (laughing) Zack, who likes Arby's- Zack, you like Arby's, so ...

Zack: Yeah.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: I can tell that you want to try that.

Zack: I'm a sick fuck.

Ethan: Oh, you thought that looked good, did you?

Zack: Yeah, I-

Ethan: I'm not judging.

Zack: No, I'd eat that, yeah.

Ethan: The part that throws me is like, the vegetables. Like, why would you want lettuce on top of a hot-

Ian: Yeah, the veggies kind of turn me off.

Hila: The part that throws me is the pizza box.

Ethan: Yeah, the pizza box is awesome. That-

Hila: What would you want to eat that from a pizza box, like ...

Ethan: I think it's just epic because they make pizza, and that. The Moscow Pie.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Moscow Cow Pie. Um, yeah. It's like, who you kidding, with the veggies? You know what I mean? (laughing) You don't mind the- the mayonnaise?

Zack: Uh, no.

Ethan: Or the ketchup?

Zack: No. If they put mustard on there, then that's a no-no.

Ian: The mustard is what- (laughing) that's the deal breaker, for you?

Zack: Yeah. I don't like tomatoes, either (laughing) so I'd take those off, too.

Ethan: (laughing) Just be like (laughing) okay, well, there you have it. What would- what do- what don't you like, Zack?

Zack: Uh, cream cheese.

Ian: Hm.

Hila: What?

Zack: But I do like lox spread.

Hila: What?

Zack: Which is weird.

Ethan: You like lox and cream cheese, but not cream cheese?

Zack: No, no, no. Lox spread, you know, like the mix? The lox and cream cheese mix? It's a different-

Ethan: Oh, oh.

Zack: It's a different flavor-

Ethan: Oh, oh, oh.

Zack: ... than just cream cheese.

Ethan: Oh. Interesting. What happened to you and cream cheese when you were-

Zack: I don't know, I love bagels.

Ethan: Hm.

Zack: But-

Ethan: So, what do you eat on your bagels?

Hila: Insane.

Zack: Uh, just lox, onion. Um-

Ethan: No spread?

Zack: No, no schmear.

Hila: Absolutely insane.

Ethan: I can't imagine eating a bagel without a schmear.

Zack: I hate-

Ethan: It's so dry.

Zack: I hate cream cheese, I hate cottage cheese. Uh, yeah. Hate all that shit.

Ethan: But you like mozzarella cheese.

Zack: I do like mozzarella cheese. (laughing)

Ethan: Any other weird uh, food issues with you?

Zack: Um, that's pretty much it. Yeah.

Ethan: What's your favorite food?

Zack: Really good burger.

Ethan: Burger. Fuck yeah.

Zack: Yeah, yeah.

Ian: (laughing)

Zack: Or maybe some of those pizza french fry thing.

Ethan: Fuck yeah, I don't even know-

Zack: It's my new thing. (laughing)

Ethan: I don't even know what you're talking about, but fuck yeah. (laughing) Wait, like what are you talking about?

Zack: The video. The movie.

Ian: He's talking about the Moscow Pie.

Zack: Yeah, yeah.

Ethan: Oh, the Moscow Cow Pie?

Zack: (laughing) Yeah.

Hila: (laughing)

Ian: New favorite food.

Ethan: New favorite food?

Zack: (laughing) Yeah.

Ethan: You know I would share that with you, Zack.

Zack: I appreciate that.

Ethan: If you bring in something like that, we can film it.

Zack: Let's make it. (laughing)

Ethan: We can have Ian, the intern just-

Hila: Do what?

Ethan: Yeah, I don't know. It's not really his job to go to make shit like that.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: I guess we're slowing down, here.

Hila: Can we show Shredder?

Ethan: We have slowed down, we have grinded to a halt.

Hila: Oh. He's not exactly in the shot.

Ethan: Well, we've done it all, we've seen it all, we've said it all. So there's- you can play the music now, Dan, because there's only one way to say goodbye on this God blessed, God's day, Friday. Thank God it's Friday.

CZN Guy: I love you, take care.

Ethan: Legend. The food guy, the CZN guy, that I love, on Instagram. Someone fucking-

CZN Guy: I love you, take care.

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Yeah, that's so epic. The lamb god, I call him. So, that's a epic uh, happy Friday to everybody. Thank you for watching, thank you for coming along for the ride, thank you for the laughs, the gaffes, the goofs and the riot. Thank you for giving me purpose, thank you for giving me subsistence, thank you for giving me a job, and allowing me to work and- and make a living doing these things that I love. Thank you to the cast, and the crew. Dan, Ian, Zack ...

Ian: Shredder?

Ethan: Shredder. Thank you guys for your work, and your dedication, and your uh, your everything you do to make this show great, thank you to all the fans, and everybody, thank you to Hila, who is my beautiful life- my wife, my life, my everything, who has a beautiful uh, I- uh, he's- I can already tell he's cute, we saw the ultrasound of his face. He- But she is so close, I mean, June 6th, that's less than a month away, until we're in Babytown.

Hila: It can happen any time now.

Ethan: Yeah.

Hila: Pretty much.

Ethan: So thank you to both of you, and Theodore. Thank you to Shredder, who has been such a angel throughout all this, and is so patient and loving, we love Shredder, like our own son. He is our firstborn and thank you once again [crosstalk 01:54:45] to everybody.

Ethan: Thank you to my mom, for giving birth to me, thank you to my mom's grandma, for giving birth to her, thank you to Adam and Eve, who were-

Hila: Did you just win some award, what is going on?

Ethan: I'm going to kill myself.

Hila: Oh.

Ethan: This is my goodbye speech. Thank you to Adam and Eve, for um, for being cast out of the Garden of Even, and giving birth to all of civilization, because their human curiosity got the best of them. Thank you to God, who- for who- allowed Adam to make, take his own rib out, and create Eve from one of his own ribs. That's why you're able to be here. So you should be thanking Adam for doing that, with his rib, Hila.

Hila: Meh. I don't care about Adam.

Ethan: Thank you to the- thank you to God, for whom none of this would have been possible, there'd be no universe, there'd be no space, there'd be no stars, or earth, or anything, for us to even be here, to say thanks. So, as always, we have to end with thank you to God, thank you to Adam, who took the rib out, thank you to my mom, who gave birth to me, thank you guys for- thank you Hila for giving me the [inaudible 01:55:40]-

Hila: (laughing)

Ethan: Thank you to the cast, thank you to the crew, and thank you everybody who is watching. Thank you, and God bless. Happy weekend.

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