Members-only sex club founder: 'You'll be eating dinner and look around and see a leg appear through the curtain'

Killing Kittens founder Emma Sayle on why women are drawn to her clubs in LA, Manchester and London, and what they have taught her about the British and sex


Tim Adams on why Britain is having less sex

Why can't we just let teenage girls enjoy their sexuality?
Emma Sayle
Emma Sayle, founder of Killing Kittens, a members-only club. Photograph: Karen Robinson for the Observer

Emma Sayle is the founder of Killing Kittens, a members-only club that hosts female-oriented sex parties in London, Manchester and Los Angeles. Previously, in 2006, she founded The Sisterhood, a charity fundraising rowing group that briefly counted Kate Middleton as a member. She lives in London with her partner and is expecting their first baby.

Killing Kittens' tagline is "the network for the sexual elite". How do you screen prospective members?

It's not a case of a huge application form, but we do ask for photos. We're not expecting supermodels, just attractive people who take care of themselves, know what they want and are hedonistic.

Killing Kittens – what does that mean?

It's cyber-slang – every time someone masturbates, God kills a kitten. It's about pleasuring yourself, so it fits quite nicely with our brand.

Your club is unapologetically about "the pursuit of female pleasure", according to your website…

Well, there are loads of platforms for men when it comes to sex, but when we started there was nowhere women could go, feel in control and explore their sexuality in a safe environment. Ten years in an all-girls school certainly teaches you that anything men can do, we can do too. At Killing Kittens, there are rules: men can't approach women at parties unless they know them, everyone wears a mask (like in Eyes Wide Shut), and single men aren't allowed. If the crowd is 70% women, 30% men, it's a lot more titillating. Women are gentler creatures, not to mention they look better naked, let's be honest.

Have you ever been tempted to take part?

No. You get a lot of stunning people, and because it's candlelit I think it would make the best porn film, but when I'm running around in work mode it all becomes just white noise. I'm eight months' pregnant so last night I left early, just as things were kicking off. But there are some amazing scenes and you wouldn't be human if they didn't turn you on a bit.

What has it taught you about Britons and sex?

I think the sad thing is that if a couple say that they sleep with other couples, then there's too often a massive stigma attached to it. The British are outwardly pretty reserved, but the same stuff happens. They just don't admit to it.

What happens at a typical Killing Kittens  party?

At our cabaret nights, for example, we'll have various acts that are a bit more risqué than the feathery burlesque shows you get, like an amazing girl who plays with fire while stripping, or a burlesque double act. The second that the show's over, some people will go to a different area of the venue where curtains are put up around some giant bean bags and they'll get naked and start shagging. Sometimes, you'll be eating dinner and look round and see a leg appear through the curtain!

Where do the events take place?

We use smart venues like stately homes in the country, which helps. The rooms are candlelit, we play the right kind of music, and it's black tie, so people are dressed-up. There's often a champagne and oyster reception too, rather than cheese straws… It's the little things that make a difference.

Do you think people are more relaxed about sexual experimentation nowadays?

Yeah, massively, because [experimenting] is getting more socially acceptable. While women are single, they want to explore. And when they are with a guy, they're more vocal about their sexual needs and wants – our clientele at least think it would be cool to have a threesome, or team up with another couple, or see their partner with another girl – and what comes with that is a lot more guys saying "Yes!" Single girls sometimes come to our parties on their own, get fully immersed with a few couples or other single girls, and leave with big grins on their faces.I'm a monogamist, but because I've never been in a very long relationship, I've never been in the position where we might be able to do some exploring together. Each to their own. As long as no one's getting hurt, who am I or you or anyone to judge what other people do within their relationship?


People ask me if I'm "still doing those little parties" and "When are you going to get a proper job?"I just keep quiet. Killing Kittens turns over around £35,000 a month, and I can see myself doing it indefinitely, I think.