The Far Side

Couple nights ago, I visited a school I had not ever been to for an orientation for Micah.  I walk really fast, maybe since always and for sure after 13 years in NYC.

After the meeting ended, my speedy feet had already taken me to the other side of the large campus before I realized I was the only person there, in the enveloping dark, under the supernatural snow moon.

Apparently, everyone had walked out through a different exit.  My exit was padlocked and I could not see or hear another human being, or even imagine another exit as my mind was focused on running back to the building to look for someone, anyone.  Had I missed an announcement while I was using the restroom about only one available exit?

Ahh, surely I would run into someone else who had walked out this way.  I mean, there’s no way I would be locked in an elementary school after a meeting.  Yeah, someone else must be packing up or using the restroom before they head out.

I run back to the building where the meeting was held and frantically bang on the door.  Now, too much time had passed.  Almost no chance anyone else was still on campus.  I see the janitor’s cart inside but no janitor.  He has left for the night.

I start yelling, “Hello?!  Anyone?  Please?  I’m locked out!  Help!”  (Louder).  (LOUDER).  I don’t give a *&^( no more.  Let the neighbors call the police on the hysterical lady.  I need them to.  I continue banging on the door until my fist feels bruised.  “HELLO!?”

I call Kevin to tell him to get ready to call the police.  Make a plan.  “I’mma have to break something or climb the fence and you know my ankle still not right!”  I hear the kids ask him what Mom is calling about and why she sounds so loud.

From the corner of my eye, I see movement.  Clothed movement!  Human!  I run over to the White Man in Shining Armor (red T-shirt) on the phone.  Why the hero gotta be another White man but still so relieved to see him:  “Hiii!  Ahhhh, I’m so glad to see you!!  So glad.  I was panicking because I thought I was locked out.  Can you help me get out of here?  But how we gonna get out of here?!  Do you have keys?”

“Um yeah, you just walk around and open that door right there.”

“Right WHERE?!  Aren’t they all locked?  Go back to that main building?  I tried!  I was screaming and banging.  Side building?  I can’t see.  My night vision is shot.”

“Right in front of us, here.”  (Pointing to the part of the fence around the corner from us)

“Thank you!  Oh, wow, THANK YOU!”

And just like that, I walk right out in to the night, into the free world, to my beloved minivan, my silver chariot awaiting.

Oh, this was a meeting for newly identified-as-gifted students in the district.  And their clearly gifted parents.

far side comic