Some of the brightest and most creative kids I had the pleasure of working with over the last year struggled with self-esteem issues. As a result, these same kiddos struggled with depression, low motivation, and test anxiety.  They made passive comments wishing they were never born. Issues with self-esteem were also tied to bullying and disruptive behavior in the classroom. The threat of self-harm, suicide and substance uses rises significantly when youth have low self-esteem.

While teenage years have always been a time of change and challenge, social media has taken things to another level. Imagine getting daily polling data on your level of attractiveness. What would it be like if your self-worth hinged on the number of likes your picture received? It is not uncommon for kids to spend hours each day sorting through pictures, agonizing over which ones to post online. Though parental controls can be created to combat against certain online dangers, they cannot guard against the internal messages kids give themselves.

My goal over the last year has been to arm kids with self-esteem. Here are a few things you can do at home to promote healthy growth and development.

--Encourage your kids to try new things and develop hobbies

When children are exposed to new opportunities, not only are they are given the chance to conquer tasks that are scary or different, they are given the opportunity to develop new passions and identify things they’re good at.

--Focus on personal strengths


Maybe Joe isn’t very good at math, but he is really good at keeping things organized. How can he use that strength to help overcome his challenge?

Maybe Sally is shy, but is really good at art. How can she use her creativity to help build positive relationships?

--Be authoritative, but not too forceful or strict

When someone is always hovering telling you what to do, why learn to think for yourself?

Think about your own learning style. How much more does something stick when you figure it out yourself? Guide and teach but allow enough room for organic learning. Sometimes, failure is the best teacher. Kids need to trust in their own capabilities, while knowing that they will survive if they aren’t successful at something.

--Promote problem-solving

Teach basic problem-solving skills: identify the problem and break down the issue into manageable parts.  Help your kids recognize things that have been helpful in the past by asking questions. (Is there anything that was difficult that is now easier for you? What helped you?)

Teach the importance of weighing pros and cons and understanding choices and consequences. Remind your child that everything was new at one point. Provide support and encouragement along the way.

--Model the difference between confidence and arrogance

Those with confidence have positive, optimistic attitudes and are easy to be around. They encourage others and strive for the greater good. Genuinely confident people feel great about themselves without feeling the need to compare themselves others.

Arrogance, on the other hand, is rooted in insecurity and fueled by tearing down others.

Teach self-confidence by allowing your kids to watch you tackle new tasks and overcome challenges with optimism and pride.

--Practice using “I” statements and being assertive

It is important for kids to understand the difference between standing up for themselves and being a bully.  Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting others.

Assertive people use “I” statements:  I feel. I want. I need. They don’t give excuses, threaten, or put down others. They stand straight and tall. They look the other person in the eyes and speak in a clear, firm voice.

--Look for ways to help others

Helping others actually affects brain chemistry. Dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin make up the happiness trifecta. Any activity that increases the production of these neurochemicals will create an elevation in mood. Helping others is a great way to activate the release of feel-good hormones. Contributing to society can have a positive impact in more ways than one.

--Normalize mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. Normalize day-to-day mishaps and model the ability to bounce back.

--Provide unconditional love

Last, but certainly not least, show your kids that they are loved and accepted even when they mess up.  Unconditional love is vital for the emotional health and positive well-being of our children.

Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Be proactive; arm your kiddos with self-esteem.