How to Get Over a Crush Whose Orientation Doesn't Match Yours

Author Info

Updated: May 2, 2019

Explore this Article Steps Questions & Answers Related Articles

It's hard. We know. Maybe you're straight and found out (or know) your crush isn't, or maybe you're gay or bi and they're straight, which is a particularly difficult situation. Either way, it's in your best interest to get over it.


  1. 1
    Acknowledge it. You already know their orientation doesn't match, but spend a few minutes to really think about what this means. No matter how much you may want to, don't push this information to the back of your mind. It hurts, but it's a pain you'll have to tackle no matter what.
  2. 2
    Consider taking some time away from them. There are two possibilities here: the feelings will move on quicker, easier, and with less pain if you allow yourself to just be friends with them, or hanging out with them right now could just deepen the feelings. If hanging out with them only serves as a painful reminder that things can't work out between the two of you, then it's best to reduce that stress by taking a break.
    • If you're feeling brave, tell them about your crush, and explain that you need some time away to get over it.
    • Otherwise, make gentle excuses: you're too busy, you have a huge project this month, you've been needed to help out at home more, et cetera. Affirm that you still like them and want to hang out once things cool down, so that they know it's not personal.
  3. 3
    Start looking around for new crushes. You may feel like your current crush is the be-all-end-all right now, but they aren't. There are thousands of people nearby who can like you back. It can be very difficult to find someone else who compares in your eyes, but it is a good thing to do, and a healthy possible part of moving on.
    • If you aren't straight, try looking for people of compatible orientations at pride events, LGBT+ clubs, dating websites, or gay bars (if you're of drinking age).
  4. 4
    Try to just be friends. You have feelings for this person, and that's okay. Just put them into a different direction than romance.
  5. 5
    If being just friends seems like it isn't working, or isn't something that could work, ask yourself if you want to be friends. If this person has qualities that you like in a friend, and you believe you can feel happy and comfortable around them, then the friendship is probably worth preserving. Otherwise, it's okay to let go of the relationship and move on.
    • If you have a huge crush on this person, hanging out with them but not dating them may feel like torture. Don't put yourself through agony just to keep clinging to an impossible relationship. You deserve better.
    • Don't say "Let's be friends" if you aren't actually satisfied with being friends.
    • Remember that you don't have to decide right away. During your time away, you can work through your feelings, and then figure it out.
  6. 6
    Take care of yourself. Use this time to step back and re-evaluate ways you can improve your own life, instead of devoting all that mental capital to your crush. You'll find a few distracting tasks to take care of, and you'll be bettering your own situation at the same time.
    • Give yourself a mini-makeover
    • Get organized. If it's been awhile since you've cleaned out your closet/car/garage/basement, get on it! Sorting through old junk can be a meditative process, and you'll probably feel relaxed and accomplished when you're done.
    • Work out. Exercise clears the mind — when you're so focused on pushing your body, you can't afford to worry about much else besides breathing and moving.
  7. 7
    Nurture your self-esteem. Rejection is rough, and sometimes it's easy to forget that you aren't less of a person for it. Take care of your mental health so that you can feel good about yourself and move on.
    • Write two lists: one list of things you're grateful for, and one list of things you're good at (work, hobbies, social skills, etc.). Tape these lists to your wall where you can see them every day.
    • Practice positive self-talk. It sounds silly, but it really works. Look at yourself in the mirror a few times a day, and say whatever it is that you need to hear. It might be "You'll find someone better" or "No one is worth all this moping" or even just "I am awesome." Repeat it until you believe it.
    • Work on your hobbies and skills. Sing a song, build a birdhouse, beat the tenth level, draw a picture, or whatever you love. Then look at your work and recognize how cool it is.
    • Volunteer. Clean up neighborhoods, teach underprivileged children, work at a soup kitchen, or help out online at websites like wikiHow. Doing good work will help you feel proud of yourself.

Community Q&A

  • Question
    What if my crush has indicated interest in the past, but seems uncomfortable now?
    Community Answer
    I think he might be unsure about his own sexual orientation; maybe he partially liked it but cannot get over the fact that he might be gay. Maybe he is gay, maybe he is not, or maybe he still doesn't know! Give him time, but don't force yourself on him if he truly isn't interested.
  • Question
    I have a crush on this guy in my religion class, he seems as straight as a board but I kissed him once in the locker room and he kissed me back, should I ask him out?
    Community Answer
    If you want to pursue this, you should. Always remember to be respectful, though. If you don't know which orientation he leans towards, you should try asking him. Maybe by hinting towards your shared kiss. IF he is not into your gender, don't pursue it further, you won't change his mind.
  • Question
    What is the best way for a gay man to get over a crush with his straight, male personal trainer?
    Community Answer
    I don't want to tell you to find a new trainer, but if it's completely necessary you probably should. Your crush could become unhealthy and it's easier and more realistic to separate yourself than to get over it.
  • Question
    I have a crush on someone who is asexual but homoromantic and I want to pursue a relationship with her, but I don't know if she likes me back. How should I get hints on that type of attraction? Help!
    Community Answer
    The easiest way is just to be upfront with it and talk to her about it. But if you are shy, try to give hints like, talking to her about her sexuality, and if you're comfortable, light flirting.
  • Question
    What can I do to get them to love me back?
    Community Answer
    Nothing, people are gay or they aren't. You can't force it on anyone, and you wouldn't want it forced on you.
  • Question
    I think a friend has crush on me. I felt butterflies last time we hung out, but I'm straight and that confused me. I only want to date girls. My beliefs prevent me from pursuing guys, any thoughts?
    Community Answer
    Well, don't think of being gay as wrong. Being gay is completely normal, or you could also be bisexual, which is also okay! Also, you think someone likes you, which often makes us like that person just because they like you back. I say don't put a label on your sexuality until you know for sure.
  • Question
    I have a huge crush on my friend, but I think he's straight. My friends keep saying he's bi, but they don't know, and I don't want to get hurt again. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    The best thing you could do is subtly bring it up in a conversation. Don't tell him that you like him, just subtly explain your orientation to him, and inquire about his. This way you know whether you have a chance or whether you should just move on.
  • Question
    I have a crush on my best friend. We have told each other about our crushes, and she said she is straight. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If, upon hearing of your crush on her, she told you she's straight, it doesn't sound like you have many options. Either respect that she loves you as a friend but nothing more, or end the friendship because you can't stand the romantic tension on your end.
  • Question
    I have a crush on one of my close friends and it is prohibited in my religion to be homosexual. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    It is a very tough situation to be in if you are homosexual and it is prohibited for you. It is important to remember that it is not your fault. It is the way you are. If your parents are also homophobic, it is a lot harder. You basically have two options -- either pretend to be someone you are not, or be open about your sexuality and hope your family understands.
  • Question
    I'm biromantic and I'm a female, and I've got a crush on my friend, but she's straight. Will she hate me if I tell her i have a crush on her?
    Community Answer
    No, it's very unlikely she will hate you, but you can't change her sexuality, so you should be prepared to accept the fact that she's not going to want a romantic relationship with you.
Show more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left


    • Before deciding to get over them, make sure that your information is reliable. Just because their cousin said that they were straight, or they used to date someone of the opposite gender, doesn't mean that they're straight. They could be bisexual, pansexual, heteroflexible, et cetera. Hearsay and guesswork are less reliable than words directly from the person's mouth.
    • If you don't want to get over them, you can try hinting or telling them to see if talking it through makes your feelings clearer.


    • Don't become friends with someone simply in the hopes to date them. It's creepy, and you'll both end up frustrated—you for wasting time trying to woo someone who doesn't want to be wooed, and your crush for being stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate them as a friend. You're better off cutting off the relationship.

    Article Info


    Categories: Crushes | LGBT

    Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 29,299 times.
    Did this article help you?