Sunday, June 10, 2018

Motherhood Tears

Motherhood has often driven me to tears. Just yesterday, my daughter was complaining about dirt of the floor and “clean it Mommy, clean it”. Like I need housekeeping criticism from a 2 year old. Add that on top of being overtired, frustration over some knee pain, and the desire to fix breakfast without someone whining at me and you have a solid recipe for tears.

Motherhood is tough. It pushes you - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Little people need you constantly. They need milk or a snack or someone to play with. They need you to wipe their tush, change their diaper or reach something on the counter. And yes that stuff can be rewarding (except maybe the poop parts!) but it’s also completely exhausting. It is all consuming. It leaves no time for you to exist in any role other than "mom" sometimes.

I struggle with self-care. I wake up early, eat some food, read, and workout. All before my family is up. I go to sleep early (most of the time). I create. I sew, paint, or hand letter. I get outside. But I’m also very much an introvert. There is never enough time with small kids for the time I need to truly recharge. By myself.

And so sometimes it builds up. Sometimes the release is tears. Sometimes the release is begging my husband to stay with them while I slink off to try to get alone time. And sometimes I just have to wait it out, hold it together, and know the next day (or hour!) will be better.

I will say motherhood is also one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. With apologies to the US Army, I think they got it wrong. Motherhood is the toughest job you’ll ever love. With all things worth doing, tears sometimes happen. It's how you know it matters. I'm so glad I'm doing it but goodness I could use a nap.

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