Sunday, December 28, 2014

Video Game Beta Testing History

OK - so remember how a while ago, earlier, I posted about how I wanted to say stuff to someone about video games but I didn't know who to talk to?

Well, I guess I now feel ready to just post about it on my blog.

The topic is Video Game Beta Testing ---- and there are two big reasons I didn't feel I could easily discuss it ---- 1) I don't want to spam the people I do write to personally and 2) When it comes to beta testing, there is a certain amount of secrecy involved and I don't want to cause any big company ire for speaking about things.  In fact ---- there was one situation where I was asked to beta test something and I didn't because I didn't think I'd be very good at keeping the secret.

The Number 23 was written by Topsy Kretts (Top Secrets) --- it's like my life, and I totally blew the cover off that one, so, yeah, I'm just kind of not the right guy for secrets maybe.

Which might be why I'm writing this post.

OK --- so ever since I wrote Pfhonge, I think I remember getting a survey from some video game company asking me to answer some questions. I truthfully answered them, and in fact in the survey answered the question where I had to tell them that I am a video game developer.

Anyway, for a while I was lucky or special or something because I had a few offers to beta test a number of video games.  Makes me feel real special right? That the big boys are look for my help. It was cool, and of course, I was skittish about whatever secrecy requirements there might ever have been.

One company did require secrecy, but eventually they stopped requiring it.  Another company seemed to want me to help spread publicity.

Well, it's possible that I didn't keep secrecy well enough or I wasn't spreading publicity enough, whatever the case, the game beta testing ended for me --- they stopped asking.

Of course, there might be other reasons for why they stopped asking me to beta test::: 1) I didn't spend nearly enough time doing it, they probably wanted many intensive hours out of me that I just didn't give them, 2) I wasn't much at writing reports about gameplay, 3) I'm actually not very good at many video games, 4) The last video game I was asked to beta test I didn't even touch, mostly because I'm not a PC Gamer, I don't use Windows, I'm mostly Mac, and some Linux. 5) I don't have the time or budget to actually buy the real regular versions of a few of the games offered. Maybe I will some day, but not right now.

There are any number of reasons why these big companies stopped asking me to beta test games --- possibilities listed above.  And to be truthful, I'm sorta OK with that, I am skittish about whatever secrecy or whatever anything may have involved.

Yes I am a video game developer, it's clear that I'm a video game developer ---- I spent this past Christmas week working on my 4th OUYA video game. I hope to get it fixed up and released in January.

But I taught myself Java, I taught myself C#, I learned for myself that bit of Java Script I understand, I never had the formal university or college training, except for one course in Pascal.

I'm hardly an expert.  In fact, my programming is a little retarded sometimes. I make so many mistakes, and I'm constantly reviewing various forms of documentation.  I just do this for fun. If this was gonna be a real job at a big company, I would probably actually want some formal education.

Which brings me to my next point::: At some points I got a few job offers in email, seemingly because of my video game thing.

Some job offers didn't seem totally realistic, especially when there was practically zero information given.

And, whatever the case, most job offers or all job offers require such a change in lifestyle and I'm so comfortable where I am right now.

One job offer looked interesting to me, but I didn't go for it for certain reasons, and then later I thought I saw some information that might've involved something to do with what my job would have been if I had taken it.  I'm glad I didn't take it actually ------ I would want a formal education before I try to do anything professionally as real work for someone.  As an amateur or intermediate in the basement of my parents' home, I feel too "retarded" to be much of a real help.

Yes, I suppose I might even be a little too disabled for most people, I work usually when I feel capable for just feel like doing it --- I spend a lot of time doing my own thing, and the stress and structure of a real job might not work for me.  I can't even drive a car, I might be pretty useless trying to actually work for someone.

I'm just not so sure about my capability or usefulness I guess.

And yes ---- getting all those offers to beta test big AAA games was really cool and awesome for me, but for any number of reasons that ended, and I'm just hoping I didn't do anything too terribly wrong, to make the big companies unhappy.  There are probably reasons for it, like I didn't even touch one game they sent me.

Anyway, I was like the coolest guy in the world for a little while there. And now it's over.  And that's what I had the bee in my bonnet to talk about.

And don't forget to read my other blog post, my ideas about how my sales reports are potentially or possibly lies and that I hope it's because I'm giving the government money from sales so I can pay them back for all the welfare they've given me. Heh. I really have no idea, but getting money for sales never reported is either a sign of clerical error or inaccurate sales reports. Anyway.

I think the internet lies

Happy Holidays everyone,

Today I sent an email to my old psychiatric nurse.

Basically, I just have this little idea that "the internet lies to me".

I'm a programmer, I know how computers work, you can get them to do or say just about anything, nothing has to be absolutely truthful.

So, I am backed up in this idea with an experience where I got payment from Amazon for 53 ebooks from June and July 2014, and I got the money, yet my sales reports and amazon sales rankings never showed any sales.

Basically, I was paid for selling books that Amazon never reported to me, and as such I feel verified in this little idea I have that the internet lies. My reports from these various companies showing this or that to me for how famous I am may be entirely untrue.

If the reports are untrue, and it's quite likely that they may be, then I'm probably more famous than I am aware. From the way things look to me right now, I'm just a small guy, my reach is sort of extensive but I'm not really that huge.  So, if there's any dishonesty in the reports, then it's quite possible that I'm quite a bit bigger than reported.

You know my youtube videos? Maybe not, but if you did you would know that "almost nobody ever watches them".  As an example, I could speculate that I actually have many views, but Youtube just keeps the numbers down so no one realizes I'm popular.  This may or may not be the case --- but it could be the way it is.

OK --- Maybe I am being a little deluded or overly-hopeful that I'm more popular than the numbers show, but, when amazon didn't report any sales and then I'm paid for 53 books, well, anything could be true at that point.

So::: If the numbers are dishonest, then where is all the money going?  Well, if the numbers are dishonest, then that means that every company I have dealings with is adjusting my fame levels. It's a big conspiracy "against me".

But that's not quite what I think it is. I think it's possible the local government secretly taxes me so I can pay back the welfare they've given me, or maybe they figure I'm too disabled to know what to do with big sums of money so they use it in hopefully good ways I'd never have thought about.

So, basically, my recent experience with Amazon not reporting sales but then giving me the money indicates there's a possibility that I can't trust any of my "fame reports" and that I'm quite possibly a bit or a lot bigger than these companies tell me I am.

I guess that's OK with me, I can live with that. There might be a good reason for it.

Considering how most people really shouldn't be too cheap to spend a buck on any of my products, I could have sold many many copies of anything, and maybe I made a tonne of money, but I'd never be told about it.

And yeah, that's one thing that's been on my mind for a long time. I actually had that suspicion since even before the Amazon thing, and yeah, maybe Amazon just paid me to help me feel better and appease the other sensation I had that "everyone's too cheap to spend a buck!! They buy houses, cars, iPads, iPhones, all kinds of fancy stuff costing lots of money and they take my stuff in droves for free but can't pay a buck".  Yeah, that was another attitude I was having, and Amazon was probably just smothering my fire of disgust for society with that payment - which was nice of them.


As for Mormonism, well, I've probably already said it all. But i grew up with that church and I just have psychological issues and sometimes feel a need to talk about it.

It's very sad to me that the LDS church gets so many people to get up and tell us all how much they "know" the church to be so freakin' true. I grew up with it, all these people bearing their witnesses that they KNOW the church is true.

But after a proper examination of all kinds of facets of the church, like doctrine, history, and personal experience, it's clear the church is not what they crack it up to be, and that it's not really all that great of an organization. If there's anything good about it, well, people who don't know any better get lost in that lifestyle, maybe that's "good" about it.

So yeah, there are all kinds of reasons to suspect that LDS Mormonism isn't actually so great, they all say they know it's true, but upon giving it a proper examination it doesn't really add up, stand up, or make any sense.

Here's an example:::

We know in the bible that Jesus stopped a woman from being stoned saying something like "Let he that is without sin among you cast the first stone" and no one threw anything because they all sinned right?

Well, according to The Book of Mormon, it's actually the WICKED WHO PUNISH THE WICKED, so therefore in the bible Jesus was actually supposed to say "Let he that is most wicked among you cast the first stone" --- and we all know how well that was going to work out right?  If they all sinned then she's a goner according to the Mormon system.

Yup, there are so many ways that Mormonism just doesn't make sense, it doesn't add up or stand up.

I could say I experienced miracles in or with the church, which I think I did, but most people would say that was all hooey too, for whatever reason. So, really, there's nothing for me to believe in in the church.

Another problem is how Jesus died so that all mankind could be saved, yet somehow the bible forgot to mention the part that excludes Rock Stars or Avril Lavigne or whatever, because my old bishop seemed to think she would be damned and that God wouldn't want to save her.

I mean, Avril was truthful and she is talented, so those are two really good points for her for how or why she could be saved.

Yet, the bishop denied her truth and scorned her talent, damning her for the very same reasons that she should have been saved.

Mormonism just doesn't work.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Really Good Christmas Dream

Well, it's Christmas morning, I'm the first person awake in my family, I haven't touched any gifts or stockings because I wanted to share something about last night's Christmas dream:::

Last night's Christmas Dream was particularly interesting.  It sounds kind of normal for me, except that this time it was just a dream, and didn't happen "for real".

In this dream, I remember I was in big trouble for some reason and the doctor's were extending my period of being locked up for whatever reason. I suppose that might be reminiscent of 10 years ago when my lockup in the hospital was extended for almost a whole more month and I was living in the hospital through Christmas.

Anyway, in this dream, people are all very discouraged about Mormonism and nobody really seems to like it anymore, and then there's a part where paranormality just seems to be bursting at the seems in our world.

I mean, in my dream, we, in massive social groups, start experiencing very strange paranormal phenomena that everyone sees and is even caught on camera.

Like, there was this one part in my dream when someone saw a flash of light in which Jesus appeared, and then quickly disappeared shortly afterward, and they caught it on camera.

It was just stuff like that going on in this dream, where really strange things start becoming more and more apparent to regular society, and is even caught on camera.

I think part of my dream involved a Jewish Boy and his Father, I can't really remember what happened though. I'm sitting here trying to remember that part of the dream but I am unable to. Sorry.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

What do these experiences mean?

So, I'm at a point in my life where I don't really believe in Mormonism anymore. Either the religion itself is fraudulent, or I had to live with too much garbage in my own life from the local church that I just don't want to be involved anymore::: for me LDS Mormonism is kaput.

But I look back at my life, I look at some of my experiences I had with the church while I still believed and was fully supportive::

1) Patriarchal blessing::: I saw pure white behind closed eyelids as I got my blessing, and parts of the blessing miraculously came true or almost came true.

2) Special Church Event::::  There was a special church event I attended at my LDS Stake Centre, I mean, this was a really special event, and as I stood in the parking lot after the event my Young Men's leader met me there and as we talked he told me my hair was blonde. How did my hair "magically" turn blonde at a special LDS Event?

3) A Conspiracy of Ravens::: I had a visit from the Elijah Ravens one Sunday, and at church that day the lesson mentioned the Elijah Ravens. This was a miracle that involved the LDS church directly.

4) Jesus Visits::: About the time Jeffery R Holland was in Calgary, I heard in my mind "you will see Jesus soon" and as I was out for my walk that day, well, guess who I saw? Someone who looked very Christ-like, and also very similar to Akiane the Lithuanian painter's depiction too. This experience may have been brought with the coming of Elder Holland. Was Jesus there to support him or detract from him?

5) Struck Dumb::::: I remember being Struck dumb for the whole length of one talk that President Hinckley once made during General Conference. Try as I might to vocalize a sound during his talk, as I remember I felt I was unable to.

Basically, there have been all kinds of miracles in my life, many of which seem to directly involve the LDS Mormon church.


Yes ---- I know, some of us are at our wit's end about the LDS Mormon church, like me, either the church was historically fraudulent or they weren't treating me personally very nice in my own life, whichever the case, I didn't really want to be around it anymore....

But if the church is so untrue, as can be demonstrated by its effect on my life, or in history, THEN HOW ON EARTH DID I HAVE ALL THESE MIRACULOUS EXPERIENCES INVOLVING THE CHURCH????????

It's confusing as ever.  Was GOD always gonna be blessing me that way regardless of what religion I belonged to? Or was the DEVIL trying to convince me of a lie? Or was the LDS church really the authentic truth? (which seems hard to swallow now).

Basically, if no one ever mistreated me at church, if church history was ignored or had been different, with these miraculous experiences I never would have suspected that the church was untrue, or that I wouldn't want to attend anymore.

Personally, to me, it's clear there there is some miraculous reality in the LDS church.

It is also clear that they talk the talk but don't walk the walk, they toot their own horns so much but just turn out to be a let-down.

But it's unclear how such a "bad" church could have so much "good" magic about it. So strange.

Just something to think about, something to ponder.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Bee in the Bonnet but no one to talk to

So, I was sitting around and thinking, and I started thinking about some stuff, and then I got a bit of a bee in my bonnet to go and talk to someone about what I'm thinking about....

But then I realized::: even though the number of closer friends I've had has increased a bit in the past several weeks, there are maybe 2 people who I would write to to discuss this topic, but I don't think it's appropriate at this moment.

I thought about putting these thoughts on my blog, and then thought, no, that's not an appropriate place either.

The thoughts I want to discuss involve video games, and my mind is full of wanting to talk but at the same time realizing there isn't much of an appropriate person for me to talk to about what I want to say at this moment.

Just a big thing on my mind that I don't think I can let out right now. So, I guess I'm releasing some of the pressure by saying I want to discuss but can't on this post.


As for my relationship with LDS mormonism::::: Ms. Sunshine is definitely very sunny and her kindness is hard to argue at, but in these past few days or week I've reviewed some facts about the LDS Mormon church and I've gone back to a position of not wanting to be involved --- in fact I feel a little guarded against the kindness of Ms. Sunshine as well.

Basically ---- there are many reasons, but a few are clear on my mind at any moment (except for when I forget) why the LDS church may be considered incorrect. I just remind myself of some of the problems and boom, I'm not interested anymore again and I actually feel sad that there are so many people who think they know it's true, when it's really hard to believe it's true once you've really examined it.

Anyway, yeah, I don't intend on ever going back to the LDS church. Ms. Sunshine's kindness is hard to argue with, I just have to keep fresh memories about why that church isn't so great.

I could probably write an essay right here about a few scriptures Joseph Smith wrote and tell you why I think it was fabricated by someone who had brain problems, but I'm not sure I will. Or maybe I will::::


OK --- You know how in mormonism in the book of Mormon you have to do everything in your power, you have to max out your works before you get saved right?

Well, in D&C 132:26 we learn that you can do whatever you want as long as you don't kill anyone, and you'll be saved/exalted (as long as you have a proper marriage).

Yup --- the church that says "do everything in your power in order to be saved" just said in that scripture you can do whatever you want and you'll still receive the top glory. Contradictory doctrine, and it just doesn't sound right.

Then in D&C 132:27 we learn that Joseph Smith considered blasphemy against the holy ghost to be when you murder an innocent person.

Really??? When you murder an innocent person, Joseph Smith would call that "Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost".  ????

I can understand that Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost is unforgivable, and that murder is unforgivable, but blasphemy and murder are two completely different kinds of sins.

Blasphemy is saying something defamatory about deity.

Murder is wrongfully killing a person.

Yet somehow in Joseph Smith's mind, blasphemy and murder are actually the same thing, and now you can say whatever you like about the Holy Ghost, apparently.

I just have one question:: if 'blasphemy against the holy ghost' is defined as 'murder', then how do you define 'blasphemy against christ' or 'blasphemy against god the father'? Why is blasphemy against the holy ghost specifically defined as murder and why/how is it any different than blasphemy from other members of the godhead?

What I find really strange about Joseph Smith's definition is that blasphemy against the holy ghost doesn't actually involve the holy ghost itself in any way shape or form::: your blasphemy against the holy spirit, according to Joseph Smith, doesn't involve saying or doing anything involving the actual holy ghost itself.

It's sad, and it reminds me how the church can't really be seen as true.

Blasphemy is actually saying defamatory things about God.

Saying defamatory things about the Holy Ghost is actually, apparently, unforgivable.

And Joseph Smith was just making stuff up and calling it scripture. Just like Brigham Young did (that's another story though).

Thursday, December 11, 2014

A Facebook Apology

I posted the following apology to facebook today:


I'm sorry for all my complaining about people not buying my books::: I swear, I rechecked my amazon sales reports and saw absolutely 0 purchases.
I examined my Amazon payment schedule and discovered that between June 1st and the end of July, I sold around 53 books on Amazon ---- but I swear that Amazon never reported those sales to me until it was time to pay up.
They still haven't told me which books sold or how many of each --- so I'm just sorry for all my complaining about how no one could pay me a little bit. It was in fact a complete surprise to find that much money in my bank account.

Monday, December 8, 2014

An Unexpected Delight

OK - so a week or two ago I learned from an authorhouse sales report that I actually did sell a copy of my one book in July.

Today, I looked at my bank account for a payment I was expecting from Amazon. I wasn't aware of much in the way of sales from Amazon, I thought that maybe I might be paid for selling like, one book.

Well, it turns out that regardless of how closely I've tried to watch my amazon sales reports, well, there's been some kind of clerical error in that either the reports are completely inaccurate or I've been paid money for sales I didn't make.

I mean, if this is a situation where I'm being paid with no actual sales, I mean, I actually, in my heart, kind of accept that, because I calculated that if I was paid for all the books that people "ripped-off" of me, I would be quite a bit richer.

So, I don't know where this money came from or what books I sold, but it was real nice to see.

I don't know if these are Eagle's Sore, LTW, or Aftermath sales, because the reports didn't indicate anything as such, but if I've estimated the value of money correctly, either I sold 47-60 books or I've had some great luck with Kindle Unlimited on the Eagle's Sore.

I am absolutely astonished.  It was just nice to see that. Thanks everyone.


Now, part of me wonders if it was Mormons buying LTW or if it was gamers buying Eagle's Sore or whatever, I suppose my psychic powers should tell me that, but I'm not even gonna try --- I know, though I can prove some ability, that I am not capable of getting this assumption correct (or at least I doubt myself enough) -

So I just want to say to the LDS Mormon community, that if I did manage to guilt trip them into buying copies of my books, then thanks for caring. That was real nice.

Is LTW a pro mormon or anti-mormon book? It's kind of both, it's a mixed bag, just me rambling on about my own perspective.

I was thinking about some of the negative things I had to say about the church and I actually started finding it hilarious how misbehaved the church was. I mean, it looks like such serious error that it actually became hilarious for me this evening.

Basically, it was just thoughts of "God's plan of salvation is to force his children on drugs so they can be forgiven for their sins" or some line or lines of thought like that going on in my head ---- it was just so freakin' funny that I couldn't help but laugh and giggle to myself.

I guess that's a way of putting a positive spin on my negative comments.

But in all honesty, I do recognize some level of magical quality in the LDS church, and what the book says about it being possibly of god or the devil still stands.

The LDS church, has magic, and it is either of God or the devil. Sometimes it seems more likely to be of the devil ------ but I can just say I've finally found myself laughing about God's plan of salvation involving forcing his children on drugs for forgiveness of sins. Just hilarious.

(I'm talking about psychiatric drugs).


Anyway, thanks everyone, I was given more than I expected to see, and though it looks like I had big success selling to many people, because of the cost or price of my book, I only made a decent sum, nothing too fancy.

Anyway, thanks.

And of course, if this is a situation where I'm paid "right" but my sales reports just aren't being reported, then I might as well re-iterate a suspicion I kind of had about the government secretly taxing me.

I could have sold any amount of product and I'd never find out about it. Could be the government.

And yes, that makes this very comparable to a very recent episode of South Park where Canada is building hospitals paid for by micro-pay from americans in video games. Just seems kind of relatable to my own paranoid thoughts of the government secretly taxing me and knowing that I'm not being told the truth about my sales.

But it's all good, it's fun, I don't mind lending a hand with my earnings, I think it's "OK" to a certain extent for this to happen, especially as if it really is the government taxing me then I suppose it's legit because they've only been paying for my welfare for so long now.

Anywho. Just seeing some extra money from the work of my own hands is happy and pleasant for me.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

More "Telepathy Zero" Fun - New High Score

So I downloaded the Telepathy Zero free app on my iPad, and spent a while testing with that.

I got a new High Score of 6. 6!!!!

That ranks me at 67th all time high scorer -- yay, something I appear to be somewhat decent or excellent at. Of course, the top all time scores are so high -- not sure I'll ever be that good.

So::: How do I do it?

A lot of the time I fail.

Yes, I am actually trying to use actual psychic power or telepathy or whatever.

Sometimes I look for an image in my mind,

Sometimes I listen for a thought,

Sometimes I feel it out in my fingers,

All these methods work, except for - uh - when they "don't".

What I mean by that is one of those three methods will work at any given time, but some times I find I have to choose the "opposite" of what my telepathic instincts tell me.

Yes - it's kind of sad, how sometimes my telepathic instinct are bang on, while other times I find they are deliberately misleading, which means the best choice is to do the opposite of what  my instincts say.

So what do I mean by opposite?

Like, if I get a "blue" reading I'll go red and it'll be right.

"Red" reading means green, and "green" means blue.

Yeah -- it's tricky -- Sometimes my instincts work bang on over and over again, and sometimes it's the opposite of my instincts that work bang on. So strange.

As for when I scored 6:::: I scored six feeling it out with my fingers, and following my instincts correctly, more or less a legitimate win following a method that The Amazing Kreskin taught in his one book.


6 high score. new.

67 all-time-world-wide-on-ipad.



Just thought I'd include the stat that getting a 6-streak is 0.13% odds, or rather 1:729 -- a number that resembles my birthday - wow, coincidence.


I just played another round of Telepathy Zero there on my iPad. After just minutes of playing, I scored a 7-streak.

So I've had many 3 streaks, a few 4 streaks, one 5 streak, a 6 streak, and now a 7 streak, all within about 24 hours of each other, maybe withing 25-27 hour period.

So, this time I was sitting next to my dad with my iPad, feeling out the answer with my fingers (believe it or not - the Amazing Kreskin taught this method and it works!) and I was like telling my dad on the 6th and 7th tries "I think it's blue", and it would be blue, and then on the 8th try I said to him "I think it's red or green. It's either going to be red or green. I'm going green, but don't be surprised if it's red".

I went green, and just like my 2nd choice indicated, it was red. Wow.

Anyway, the odds of getting a 7-streak are 1:2187  or 0.046% odds of happening.

I am really beating the odds.

Anyway, I'm ranked 33rd in the world now, out of 1600 players.  Yippee.

Game: Telepathy Zero:: Psychic Testing Fun

So, yesterday I saw a game on OUYA called "Telepathy Zero", it's a psychic test game, so last night I downloaded it and started attempting to read my OUYA's mind.

yesterday it was easy enough for me to get a 3 streak pretty quickly, a 4 streak, and then I got a 5 streak, which I made a youtube video of and will include a link in this post to.

The odds of getting a 5 streak are 1:243, a four streak 1:81 and a three streak 1:27.

So I got pretty good on my first day.

This morning I picked up the OUYA controller and recorded some more gameplay, which I will not post to video cuz it's dull, and nothing completely especially exciting happens.

But in the 1 hour and 6 minutes of testing I did this morning, I had many 1 and 2 streaks, SEVEN 3 streaks, and ONE 4 streak.

So, whatever that tells you about how good the test is or how good I am at the test.

I'm not so statistically great at statistics that I would know if I'm actually doing too good, but according to what I understand I'd have to do the test 189 times (or something like that) in order to get 7 three streaks.

did I do the test 189 times in just an hour and 6 minutes? Seems kind of far-fetched....

I'm just guessing I beat statistics again.


OK, so for a little while I had the wrong number of how many tests I'd have to do to get 7 three streaks. The number was updated to 189.

Now, while I was away from keyboard I was talking to my dad about how many individual throws you'd have to make to statistically get 7 three streaks.

We calculated it like this:

3(1:3odds of one throw)^3(three streak) * 7 (number of streaks) * 3 (number of throws per streak) = 567 individual throws.

So, we calculated that it would take 567 individual throws in order to statistically achieve 7 three streaks.

Of course, he also said that if you started your 3 streak on any random success rather than than on the 1st, 4th or 7th throw that this would affect the statistic, but I think that's too complicated for me right now as I never did very good in grade 12 stats.

Anyway, so you need 567 throws in order to achieve 7 three streaks statistically.

How many throws did I throw in that whole 1 hour and 6 minute period?

424 throws.

So, I got the same results as 567 with fewer throws, which should or maybe should mean that I have beat statistics.

As for the one 4 streak I got in that time, we calculate the number of individual throws it would take to achieve one 4 streak like this:

3(1:3odds of one throw)^4(four streak) * 1 (number of streaks) * 4 (number of throws per streak) = 324 throws.

So, I guess I just did what you would statistically expect in that period of time for that 4 streak.

Of course, if you also factor in my 4 and 5 streaks from the night before, it might be a little bit more amazing:::::   last night's 4 streak video was actually about 5 minutes long while the 5 streak video was about 9 minutes long::::::: I probably did pretty decently.

Who knows, maybe I'm just getting what one would statistically expect -- I'm no expert on statistics. I'm just talking about this because this is the sort of thing I'm in to.

Monday, December 1, 2014

New Thoughts on the Church

So, an old LDS friend was helping me feel much more positive about the LDS church and all that -- a bright and sunny attitude sending away the clouds of my grumpiness.

I kind of thought about some of my experiences and how those experiences would or should show the church to have some truth to it. If anything, the church is of God or Satan, but it's always been somehow magical.

So, I'm inspired to write this blog post today because I was standing in my bedroom when I "heard thoughts" (whether it be telepathy or inspiration or just my craziness) saying something about making some kind of changes or alterations to my patriarchal blessing.

The next thoughts I had were of how I said some very rude things in my final email to the Stake President.

Then I thought about what kind of changes might be made to my patriarchal blessing, like, if the church said I could have a new one, what would it say?

So, I was then struck by a thought about how completely needless and pointless it is or would be to go to church.

There's one big reason I don't talk about directly which is a good reason why I don't go back to church --- but I also thought about another reason why I figured I could safely ignore the LDS church in my life.

You know the Adam-God Doctrine that Brigham Young came up with?

Well, I thought, if Adam really was God, as Brigham Young taught, then that just means the LDS church has strayed from the true path and isn't worth my time anyway --- because if Brigham Young was right then the LDS church isn't believing in God properly anyway---

And then I thought:: If Brigham Young's declared doctrine that Adam was God was actually untrue --- if Brigham Young declared a doctrine that was not right at all, then that means LDS leaders can say any kind of garbage at any point, it'd be thought of as doctrine, but it's really just garbage ----

Which led me to the conclusion that there's still really no point in going back to the LDS church --- they say curiosity killed the cat, so I should avoid the curiosity of what my patriarchal blessing would turn into.

I was feeling a lot better about the church, it's hard to argue with all that kindness, I had some curiosity about my patriarchal blessing, but along with a certain issue that has bugged me for a while, I just looked at Brigham Young's doctrine alone and figured "What's the point of bothering with that church if that's how they deal with doctrine?"