Quote #21115

::davepoobond pulls a Kleenex from a Kleenex box and candy wrappers come out, as he pulls more, more and more come out, and falls on the desk next to the box::

davepoobond: “someone put trash into the Kleenex box…”

::Dr. OldNBald silently comes over and picks up the trash and throws it away::

Dr. OldNBald: Don’t worry, I did NOT think you were smuggling candy into the room…”

– from davepoobond’s high school


Quote #21096: Spanish Dialogue

Sr. Sandia: “hola!, Sr. Queso. Como estas?”  (Hello, Mr. Cheese.  How are you?)

Sr. Queso: “Estoy muy contento”  (I am very happy.)

Sr. Sandia: “Porque?”  (Why?)

Sr. Queso: “Yo juge contra Sr. Ganado en un partido de tenis en mi jardin y yo soy el campeon atleta!”  (I played against Mr. Win in a tennis match in my garden, and I am the champion athlete!)

Sr. Sandia: “caramba! Tenis en tu jardin?”  (Caramba!  Tennis in your garden?)

Sr. Queso: “si, si. Mi jardin es muy bueno para tenis”  (Yes, yes.  My garden is very good for tennis.)

Sr. Sandia: “Que pasa?”  (What happened?)

Sr. Queso: “Yo navege mi raqueta en la oreja de Sr. Ganado!”  (I navigated my racket into Mr. Win’s ear.)

Sr. Sandia: “En el oreja de Sr. Ganado?”  (In Mr. Win’s ear?)

Sr. Queso: “Si, me gustaria hacerlo otra vez”  (Yes, I’d love to do it again.)

Sr. Sandia: “usaste champu?”  (Did you use shampoo?)

Sr. Queso: “si, bebe champu ahora mismo!”  (Yes, baby shampoo, the same thing.)

Sr. Sandia: “uf!”

Sr. Queso: “uf!”

Sr. Sandia: “uf!”

Sr. Queso: “muuu!”

Sr. Sandia: “que barbaridad! Quieros atener una carrera?”  (How barbaric!  I want to go for a run?)

Sr. Queso: “Si!”  (Yes!)

– davepoobond turned this in for an assignment.


Quote #21094: Dialogue

Juan: “Hi, Mrs. Garcia!”

Mrs. Garcia: “Hi, Juan!”

Juan: “I like your banana.”


Juan: “yes”


Juan: “what is the price?”

Mrs. Garcia: “the jacket is 999 pesos”

Juan: “good”

Mrs. Garcia: “yes”

Juan: “yes, bye”



Quote #21088: Spanish Dialogue

davepoobond: “ollah, Sra. Poopoo Cabeza!”

Sr. Poopoo Head: “No soy una Sra.! Tu eres tonto!”

davepoobond: “asi, asi! Tus estudiantes son tontos, no mi! puto!”

Sr. Poopoo Head: “puto! Puto! Tu eres el puto, puto!”

davepoobond: “whee!”

– written on a piece of paper for a school assignment, but wasn’t turned in.


Johnny Hotfoot Adventures: Staple My Ass














And so I did.




Don’t Do Drugs


The End.


Thank You Note Samples For You To Use



SAMPLE 1 (For a college graduate):




SAMPLE 2 (For moving away to college):




SAMPLE 3 (For a High School Graduate):





The Stupid Nerdy Annoying Asshole Idiot Tally Sheet

The following is a tally of how many times this annoying asshole in my physics class said certain things over the period of about 5 days.  I only wrote the dates down for the first 2 days.

He would always say certain things out loud — he had no self control in keeping his god damned mouth shut and not make any noise while we tried to take notes from the teacher.  He was this huge, 8 foot tall, fat, nerdy guy that sat in the front row and always wore a red shirt with arm pit stains.  He always had a rolling backpack so you could hear him coming down the hall.  He also had nerdy glasses on, as if the previous wasn’t enough to cement the fact he’s a stupid nerd.

I lost interest after those 5 days because he did these so many times, it wasn’t worth counting anymore:

Says “mmhmm:”

Feb 14, 2005:  13 times
Feb 15, 2005:  34 times
3rd day:  5 times
4th day:  13 times
5th day:  25 times

Says “mmhno:”

Feb 14, 2005:  1 time

Answers a Question (but usually mumbles to himself rather than actually raising his hand to legitimately answer it):

Feb 14, 2005:  16 times
Feb 15, 2005:  68 times
3rd day:  12 times
4th day:  20 times
5th day:  11 times

Says “right:”

Feb 14, 2005:  2 times

Says “no:”

Feb 14, 2005:  8 times
Feb 15, 2005:  8 times
3rd day:  6 times
4th day:  3 times
5th day:  4 times

Says “hmm:”

Feb 14, 2005:  2 times

Says “yeaah:”

Feb 14, 2005:  1 time
Feb 15, 2005:  1 time

Says “unhunh:”

Feb 14, 2005: 2 times
Feb 15, 2005: 3 times
3rd day: 1 time
4th day: 1 time
5th day: 2 times

Says “Yep/yes:”

Feb 14, 2005: 1 time
Feb 15, 2005: 8 times
3rd day: 7 times
4th day: 3 times
5th day: 2 times

Does something stupid (with elaboration):

Feb 14, 2005:  6 times

1. Didn’t bring a Scantron for a test.

2. Somehow lost his study guide since the last time it was given out (which is the 2nd time it was passed out) – counts as 2.

3. Yawned like a vampire

4. Answered a question wrong.  Saying, it wasn’t 300,000 km/hr for a light year.

5. Answered a question wrong.  Professor said, “nice guess.”

Feb 15, 2005:  5 times

1. Said Moon cycle was 273 days, when it is actually 29.5

2. Said “I love the moon!”

3. Laughed after answering question wrong

4. Nodded his head and looked at the rest of the class, as if looking for people to agree with him.

5. Yawned like a vampire, really loudly.

3rd day: 1 time

1. Someone told him to shut up, but kept doing his same shit.