Paris Hilton And Future Cellmate Dreading Her Arrival In Equal Measures

Time is quickly running out for Paris Hilton, who has until June 5 to turn herself into authorities, relinquishing all the luxurious little conveniences from her vastly privileged life—the expensive handbags, the fine automobiles, the tree-dwelling marsupials—in exchange for a standard-issue orange jumper and anonymous prisoner number. Despite her best efforts to make the most of her last days of freedom (nothing really quite makes you feel alive like plunking down an AmEx Black card on a Dior boutique counter and announcing to the groveling sales staff, "I need you to sell me things. Now!"), the looming specter of a summer behind bars seems to have gotten the better of the typically upbeat socialite. From




Locals at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, meanwhile, are also dreading Hilton's arrival—particularly the one inmate reportedly hand-picked by prison officials to share a cell with the convicted heiress. Currently doing time for a similar crime (reckless driving), the prisoner was chosen because she supposedly wasn't the type to cash in on her new best friend's notoriety. Still, greed often wins out in the end, and lord knows there's gold to be had in any photo of an incarcerated Hilton, perhaps snapped with a camera cleverly baked into a cake inscribed, "Happy Birthday, Paris's Cellmate! Love, Your Friends at X-17," and garnished along the edges with flattened $100 bills and cigarettes.