Changing Your Perspective


We get so caught up in our own egos and ways of doing things that it can be very hard to step outside of ourselves to see another person’s perspective.  Often, even when we are able to see the other person’s view, the all-too-familiar “yes, but…” phrase creeps up.  We feel the need to defend our original position, even if conceding a little bit.  Why??? Is it so we can tell ourselves later that we were right?  Is it to save face with the other person or group?  As I reflected on these things, I thought of interactions in my own life, either at work or outside of work.  I cannot think of a SINGLE example of a time when someone else backed down and I thought less of him or her.  Conversely, I can think of several occasions in my own life where either I or the other party refused to give on an issue that was not all that important.  Ultimately the relationship was worse for it.

The article I shared last week, ‘Is It Better to Be Right or To Be Happy,’ talked a little about this, and not too long afterwards I had the opportunity to put these practices to the test.  I recently received a terse e-mail from a student, demanding certain services which he that felt we didn’t provide.  My initial reaction was…. Anger. Hurt. Frustration.  I started to draft an e-mail back, explaining that we DO in fact offer what he was seeking, and explaining the why behind some of his other points of discontent.  Then, I stopped.  If I received a response from someone like that, it would COMPLETELY turn me off and I would feel like the person did not take the time to adequately understand me.  So, I set up a meeting with the student where I LISTENED to his concerns.  Were there some misconceptions?  Sure.  But I also learned about where he was coming from as a student and ultimately (hopefully!) have developed goodwill and further insights into students’ views.

I have a few other examples of when I told my ego to pipe down as I smiled and conceded on something that ultimately wasn’t that important.  As annoyed as I was at the time, I know with absolute certainty that I did the right thing.  In our personal lives, we often have additional chances to apologize or make things right if/ when we misspeak.  At work, this can be much more challenging.  Thinking before you speak can pay dividends, and you really will thank yourself later.

Categories: General
Annette Parisi

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