Medical Doctors Try to Uncover the Biological Mysteries of the Jersey Shore Cast

MTV is having all their top moneymakers examined. Kate Gosselin hates the dancing stars in her galaxy. Corey Feldman is banned from Corey Haim's funeral. Martha Stewart can't get laid. Monday's gossip got up an hour late.

  • The cast of Jersey Shore all have to get full physicals today before filming for the second season starts. It probably has something to do with securing insurance for the irascible clan of guidos. Oh, we can only imagine what sort of goodies the doctor is going to find when checking out these juiced, promiscuous, skin-damaged, pickled-liver specimens. The good news is that Angelina "Trash Bags" seems to not have gotten the call from the hospital, so she may not be welcome in Miami. Meanwhile, the show gets chance to outrage real Italians after it already pissed off countless Italian-Americans. MTV Italy purchased the rights to air the most important sociological experiment of our time in the country that the guidos' ancestors came from. That is the American dream in action. [TMZ, Popcrunch]

  • Kate Gosselin is apparently being mean and ignoring all the other celebrity hoofers cha-chaing for a shot at career rejuvenation on Dancing with the Stars. This doesn't seem like that much of a problem. If I was a has-been, also-ran, or never-was I think the last thing I would want to do is sit around listening to Kate Gosselin bitch about itchy sequins and how the paso doble hurts her corns. [P6]

  • It looks like Corey Feldman can't get invited anywhere these days, including to his friend Corey Haim's funeral in Toronto tomorrow. Though he says he has been spending lots of time with the family, Feldman will not be at the service. "Due to their strong religious beliefs and need for privacy, the family has decided to make Corey's funeral on Tuesday a small private affair," he said in a statement. Hating child stars is a religion now? We always thought it was more of a lifestyle choice. [E! Online]

  • Martha Stewart is lousy with men. At least that is what the book The Best of Friends: Martha and Me, written by her ex-best friend Mariana Pasternak, says about the domestic diva and convicted felon. Pasternak, who testified against Stewart at her insider trading trial, says that Martha had a relationship with a wealthy man who she stalked around the Hamptons. She was trying to convince him to leave his fiance for her. It didn't work. Oh, poor Martha, always trying to make a souffle when a simple pudding would do. As for Ms. Pasternak, she testified against Stewart and is cashing in with a tell-all? With friends like these...[P6]

  • David Beckham, the only football player Americans know, tore his Achilles tendon in a game in Italy yesterday. This means he probably won't be able to play in the upcoming World Cup—which is like the World Series and the Olympics combined, except American won't watch it. Luckily for us, his ability to pose in his undies or shill for other products will not be impeded. [People]

  • David Schwimmer, 43, who used to sit around a coffee shop making whiney jokes on a sit-com, is engaged to a 24-year-old photographer he met on the set of Run, Fatboy, Run. This is officially the only good thing that came out of making that movie. [EW]

  • Michael Phelps went to a Jay-Z concert in Atlantic City and he didn't do drugs, he barely drank, and didn't take any girls home. What a disappointment! [Gatecrasher]

  • Gossip dowager Cindy Adams says that she knew that Avatar wouldn't win Best Picture and Meryl Streep wouldn't win Best Actress before the Oscars even occurred. She claims it is because she has insider Hollywood info. We think it's just because she has a subscription to Entertainment Weekly like the rest of us. [Cindy Adams]

[Image via Bauer-Griffin]