Dad crossed the line in parking lot before soccer practice even started

Bill Wells By Bill Wells
on June 13, 2009 at 8:59 PM, updated December 18, 2009 at 11:38 AM


I wasn't planning on writing another story for my seven-part Cross the Line Series. I was supposed to be done and moving on to other topics.

But a 10-second conversation between a dad and his daughter forced me to continue to the series ... forced me to show another example of a parent crossing the line.

I took my daughter to swim lessons Thursday night. The lessons are an hour, but from start to finish I'm in the indoor pool for 70-80 minutes. That day I told my daughter I was going to go for a quick walk during her practice, just to break it up a little bit.

I went outside and started to do a loop around the parking lot. A dad and his daughter started to walk in my direction to get to a sign-up table for a youth soccer tryout being conducted on some playing fields nearby.

The first thing I heard was the girl, who looked to be in about fourth grade, give or take. Her voice was defensive, and somewhat high-pitched. Her head was down.

Then I heard the dad, who had a lecturing tone to his voice.

"Here we go," I thought.

I heard the dad use the word "need," as in something along the lines of "you need to go after the ball."

"I'm trying, dad," the girl said, still in her defensive stance.

"The ball bounced by you five times," the dad continued.

"I don't care, dad," she said.

"I know you don't," the dad shot back.

Five sentences. That's all I heard. That's all I needed.

The girl hadn't even made it to the actual field, and she was done. Her head was still down, as was her posture. She no doubt was having some anxiety. And worse of all, she knew she didn't have the support of her father. The one person who was supposed to be on her side at that tryout ... the one person who was supposed to be her biggest fan ... was her biggest critic.

I almost said something. Oh, man, it was on the tip of my tongue.

But I kept walking. I didn't want to embarrass the girl. Again, she looked to be in about fourth grade, which means she was around 10 years old.

I know the soccer club that was holding the tryouts. It's a high-level club. I'm guessing the girl was already feeling some stress trying out for the team.

So how did dad's lecture help?

It didn't. All it did was hurt. I'm sure the dad thought he was helping by telling her how she can improve her play on the field. But all he did was put added pressure on his daughter.

And, let's not forget Rule No. 1 for youth sports: having fun. There is no way that girl had any fun during that tryout. How could she? She got a lecture from her dad from the parking lot (and maybe during the car ride) all the way to the field. That doesn't sound like much fun.

Maybe the dad was having a bad day. We all have bad days. And this youth sports thing isn't easy. There isn't a clear cut set of guidelines on how to act and react in every situation. It's a great big learn-as-you-go process.

But that 10 second, five sentence conversation made me look at this vast youth sports picture - and that picture isn't pretty sometimes. Parents, myself included, have got to back off and stop treating their children like mini-professionals. They're not adults - they're kids.

That dad was acting like his daughter was trying out for a high school varsity team, when in reality it was probably a U11 team. There's a big difference, but the dad just didn't see it. All that dad saw was his daughter needed to do something.

But all I saw was a kid who wasn't having any fun ... and a parent who crossed the line.