Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 5214
Peace of Mind
A man is walking along the beach when he discovers a strange bottle. He rubs it and a genie comes out and promises to grant him one wish. The man thinks about it for a moment and says: "My wish is for peace in the Middle East." The genie looks concerned and then says: "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. Some things can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guy says, 'Well, for my whole life, I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says: "How would you define ‘peace’?"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5215
Playing Chicken
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says: "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says: "Why don't you have him admitted to a hospital?" The guy says: "We would, but we need the eggs."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5216
Puddle Jumping
Three little ducks go into a bar. "Hello, what's your name?" the bartender asks the first duck. "Huey," he replies. "How's your day been, Huey?" the bartender asks. "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" smiles Huey. "That's nice," says the bartender, turning to the second duck. "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," comes the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" asks the bartender. "Great. I've had a ball, too. Been in and out of puddles all day, as well. What more could a duck want?" The barman turns to the third duck and says: "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she says, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5217
Paid in Full
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5218
Old Dogs, New Tricks
One day, an old German shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of lunch. The old German shepherd thinks: "Oh, I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly: "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther. "That was close! That old German shepherd nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says: "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!" Now, the old German shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks: "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old German shepherd says: "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!" Moral of this story: Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery, and B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5219
Washed Away
An old Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She gets down on her knees and pleads: "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." Suddenly, a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. The grandmother looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 5220
Second-Hand Goods
A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party. After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?" "Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies. "Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."
Ryan Murphy

More Like This


      Best of the Web

        Special Features