

Spiritual but not religious


It’s kind of funny how many men attempting to snare a date on those online sites will talk about how much they love to take strolls on the beach in the moonlight. This shows that they are soulful. The would-be Lotharios also have a propensity for comparing themselves to old cars, as in: “Some of the parts may be a little rusty but has a lot of miles left.” This shows their sense of humor. And another big come on seems to be,  “I’m spiritual but not religious.”
What does that show?
Is it even possible to be spiritual without involving religion?
I have become interested in this since I seem to see this matter of spiritual-separate-from-religion coming up everywhere – not just The phrase seems to have come into vogue in the late 1990s. Some examples:
*Sculptor Louise Bourgeois was a self-proclaimed atheist, but as her New York Times obituary last year pointed out, she thought there was a spiritual energy behind her work and mused, “I have a religious temperament.”
*Actress Valerie Bertinelli, profiled in AARP Magazine last summer, said a new boyfriend had helped her “tap into her spiritual side.” The businessman-boyfriend explained that to the magazine “I believe in the whole karma thing, sowing and reaping. We try to plant good stuff every day.”

*Jodie Foster’s character in the movie “Contact” says the phrase in answer to a question from a Congressional panel.

*The “Spirituality” section of the Friends of the William K. Sanford Public Library Book Nook in Colonie where I work weekends is always a mess because of the numbers of people looking through it and pulling out copies.

*On a Jon Stewart show in June, Maziar Bahari talking about his book “Then They Came For Me” that recounts harassment of his family in Iran explained that he’d “never been a spiritual person. Never read Deepra Chopak,” but during 107 days in solitary confinement he had to dig inward to survive. He summoned family memories, culture, music. He called his imprisonment “a very spiritual experience,” adding for a laugh line, “though I never joined a cult.”

*And one more – not long ago a friend whom I have never seen pray or attend any kind of service sat in the sand with me on a sunny beach looking out at the arcing horizon of the Atlantic Ocean and said, “You cannot help but feel spiritual seeing that, can you?”

Uh, I don’t know.

For something like a year now, I’ve pestered friends and experts asking for their interpretation of spirituality and wondering do they have it and are they also religious. I’m including you in that discussion now.

My smart friend Lily tells me it’s simple:

People increasingly distrust organized religion with its rigidity and rules and so turn to meditation, nature, yoga, things like that which put you in touch with your inner self or the greater cosmos. She compares the position to people who say, “I support the troops, but not the war.” Or as friend Pam put it — you believe in something – but aren’t sure what.  Maybe not God with the capital G.

They may be right. Catholic friends say the stock phrase “spiritual but not religious” means  lapsed Catholic. Jewish friends says the phrase refers to a desire to connect with the Divine  — without keeping kosher.

USA Today wrote last year about studies showing how “Generation Y” is moving away from traditional religion but members still see themselves as spiritual. Writer Cathy Lynn Grossman said young adults are likely not to pray, go to services or read a holy book.  But as a 29-year-old Christian writer told her, his generation is veering toward the view that “God wants you to be happy and do good things.”

My smart friend Phyllis, who is raising her children Christian, says she understands the feeling behind the phrase – people can find organized religion terribly judgmental while still liking some of its tenants. The Golden Rule is not a bad way to live, for example, and karma is a comforting idea as we age.

On the other had, some friends are far more cynical about the phrase, starting with my sister Lisa, who works in a women’s cancer care practice. To her, “spiritual but not religious” means too chicken to say you don’t believe totally, in case you get a horrible disease and might need a miracle.

Lucy, a defense attorney and an atheist, sees the descriptive phrase as a defense. “I think that it is so hard to say you aren’t religious in the US which is why every political candidate has to profess some religious faith so everyone feels they need to say “I’m not a bad person,” even though I’m not religious so they have to profess to being spiritual or something.”

Philippa agreed that the phrase is a safe way of admitting something that is shocking in our culture. She said, “I think it’s a sort of agnosticism without the stigmatism,” In her experience the phrase comes from “people, who have found, perhaps, that religion is foisted upon them or otherwise, actually gets in the way of trying to understand the idea of God.

“Or,” she adds, “they could just be hippies.”

Dianna, a war correspondent, gives a pretty explanation for the phrase: “Let’s face it, we are all living, breathing, so we are all on some level spiritual. We think, we create, we destroy. There is power and will, rage and play, theater, music, art, brilliance Isn’t that all an essence of something beyond the theory of evolution?” Sounds effortless.

I don’t know what is correct when it comes to believing in God or god, or if loving nature and art and music is the equivalent of rapturous religious fervor or the calm sanity of Zen. Or needs to be. But I’ve talked with my friend Bill, a teacher, writer and educator who can make the most practical sense of holy matters.

And I love his answer ,which suggests that easy explanations are wrong.  Working on figuring it out is what we should be doing with our lives. In his words:

“Saying you are ‘spiritual, not religious’ does not really address the core of true spirituality, which is not only about feeling good in  beautiful places or doing fulfilling things that make you happy.  It is  more about trying to answer two seminal questions: first, how do you explain the source of the sacred All – whatever it is, what is it to you? and, With whatever explanation that you believe, how do you live your life according to that explanation?”

Categories: General
Rosemary Armao

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16 Responses

  1. Ann says:

    I don’t agree at all with your firned Bill’s assessment, at least as it applies to my own “spirituality, not religiousity”.

    I am not on a quest for answers to explain “the source of the sacred All” or find the meaning of life; 42 suffices as well as any answer.

    You are correct in pointing out that it is difficult to be spiritual with no religiousness infused. Those who are “spiritual but not religious” draw on a myriad of religions for their beliefs, habits, and rituals if any.

    When I see a sunset on the beach, I don’t think “wow isn’t God’s creation amazing??”. I think “look at all that raw power; Nature, Life teeming with potential”.

    The purpose of religion initially is to seek to explain. I don’t need a nice story to make me understand or appreciate this world; I don’t need a deity to direct my spiritual energy towards.

    People are becoming tired and disgusted with the controlling aspects of religion. We try not to freak out in fear that the sun might not rise after an eclipse or burn witches for blights on crops; likewise we no longer need lies or fables or rules to keep us safe from worms in pork or cleanliness health issues from not being circumsized…

    Religion has not evolved quickly enough, so we are developing something new.

  2. Michael Rivest says:

    Rosemary – I so want to suggest another reason why men might say they like to take strolls on beaches in the moonlight, or compare themselves to old cars, but you’d never believe it.

    Speaking of the truth, it’s been my experience that when people walk away from organized religion, they’re often wisely walking away from some form of fundamentalism and don’t even know it. Fundamentalism, of course, covers a lot more ground than flying airplanes into office buildings or protesting at military funerals. It also implicates religions that require “belief” in arcane faith formulations, sometimes crafted thousands of years ago, that are unintelligible today. Sadly, their leaders are often so caught up in reverence for the words, that they’re afraid to translate them – and according to the rules of good translation, which is to translate not words, but meaning.

    So intelligent people walk away and, perceiving that there’s nowhere else to go, are left with nothing but the inadequate, trendy catch-all: “spiritual, but not religious.”

    But what do I know, I’m just a single guy.

  3. Billy The Kidd says:

    I think it has to do with ones desires to distance ones self from all the hypocrisy associated with the Catholic church. Homosexuals as Priest, Child molesters as Priest,and all the Sex Scandals involving Born again preachers.I think people think they can be spiritual without sitting in the pews with a gay priest or child molester preaching to them about morality ?????

  4. The saying “spiritual but not religious” really means I want to be religious without structure, guidance, history, and leadership. True, people have been burned on structured religion, but the fact remains that people are seeking the divine. We have become an individualistic culture of religionistas who reject anything that doesn’t fit our culture.

  5. jerry says:

    I can give succinct answers to those last two Q’s:
    1) divine All, how would you know of anything that may not be really knowable? It probably is just the Divine Y.O.]. in you. Did you know in neighborhood of 50% of the problems of life are resolved just by being there comfortabling facing them as opposed to just doing something. Can’t give a more valid explanation of “spirituality” than this, apart from those spirits who can already exteriorize of their own accord.
    2) live your life according to this explanation was self-included /self-evident in explanation.

  6. Kristy says:

    It’s a rejection of God’s hypocritical and hateful followers without rejecting God. To put it another way, it is a rejection of church leaders who think THEY are God. I am proudly spiritual but not religious. If you or anyone else wants to judge me…meh…I reject your God complex.

  7. Jango Davis says:

    People who don’t want to admit to themselves that they have totally abandoned conventional social structures of morality will say they “spiritual, but not religious.” What better way of show a potential mate you are both hip and traditional at the same time, perfect genetic material for reproduction! Well, that, and a good job, nice care, and killer looks, but other than that….

    Frankly, I think people are lying to themselves when they utter such nonsense. Atheists are the other side of the same coin. They are as entrenched in their own presumptions and dogma as orthodox believers in one god, or many. Whether one claims to be religious or spiritual, or an atheist, all imply the individual has nailed down some great truth from the unknown. The only honest answer is that we don’t know anything about whether there is or is not a greater reality, an absolute truth, God, or whatever you want to call it. Few people, however, can get through life admitting they will never have the answer to the question that tugs at our fears of our own mortality.

  8. Kevin says:

    I am very spiritual and believe in God or higher power, but am not at all religious. I don’t think it is necessary to follow a particular religion to be spiritually enlightened, but I am also NOT anti-religion either and do see the benefits that faith has brought us over the years!

  9. iknowtruthismine says:

    Jango Davis – We all have a desire to be more than just an animal with a slightly more advanced brain, that is why we invented gods in the first place and made them so much like us. Spirituality is just an extension of that same developmental flaw that many hold onto even when they abandon religion. It is no accident that the “other-worldly” concept has become so powerful and entrenched because it has had a few million years to become ingrained in the Human psyche.

    Atheists, true Atheists, have no illusions about reality because they are so invested in discovering its true nature. We do not buy into the pap we were fed as children (a wonder in and of itself considering the power of programming done in our early years). To us, there are things we haven’t yet earned the right to know because Humanity hasn’t become clever enough to uncover them yet, even though Human knowledge has increased by monumental multiples over the last 200 years. Atheism is NOT the other side of the same coin, it is a repudiation of the legitimacy of the coin itself, which by lack of proof, has no value. I have never tried to prove Atheism. To try to prove that something does not exist is logically impossible, as no positive claim is being made. Religion on the other hand, makes claims that there exists a god creature (or creatures, depending on the religion) that has a specific nature, motives, goals, rules that must be obeyed, and that has a direct impact on individual lives, despite not having (EVER) the tiniest shred of proof to back up a claim, that in logic, is a positive statement of being. The burden of proof is clearly and only, on the head of those making the positive assertion, as laid out in the immutable laws of logic. I could make the positive assertion that the third moon of the forth planet in the Alpha Proxima star system is covered with a three foot layer of French brie and then demand you prove it is not. The fact that you cannot disprove what is clearly an absurd notion, does not make you wrong, because what I ask, in that case and just like religious believers always do, is a violation of the rules of logic. An Atheist is not correct just because they are skeptical, but they are more correct than someone who believes so much based on so little, only because they want to, and are too immature to say these simple words, “I Don’t Know…..YET!”

  10. Tom Brophy says:

    It makes me wonder why such a unique planet like the earth would create a being of itself(the human)to be afraid of being naturally dead. If your afraid of being dead, your going to have to think of something. My advise to all, eat right, exercise daily and grow strong. You have no other purpose but to yourself.

  11. Jango Davis says:

    iknowtruthismine — Atheists are as dogmatically wrong in their beliefs as the orthrodox mono- or polytheistic believer. An atheist is “certain” that there is no God, because no such proof exists, or will ever exist. That position can ONLY be taken if the atheist starts from a point that the human mind is capable of comprehending all knowledge in the universe. An entirely laughable position as we can even explain the most fundamental question of our existance, how did the universe come into being?



    Thank you Dr. Einstein for stating it plainly.

    You yourself wrote above, “To try to prove that something does not exist is logically impossible.” That belief belies you as an agnostic, not an atheist. If you cannot prove that something does not exist, then why do you believe that it does not exist?

    I do not believe that Thor, the god of thunder exists, nor that there is some kindly whitehaired man sitting on a cloud, but there may be an absolute truth in nature that the human mind interpets as a “god” because there is no analogous model for it in our reality. As we have evolved as humans, so have our interpetations of the absolute, from nature spirits, to polytheism, to monotheism, to more philosophical, intellectual positions.

    Atheists take a position, but have as little evidence to support their position as the believers in God. You are indeed taking a positive position, you are absolutely sure that there is no evidence that exists, or will ever exist, that proves the existance of a reality, or a truth, greater than what our animal senses tell us. As such, atheists must defend their position the same way as the believer in God must, with evidence and arguement.

    To say, “Well, I don’t have to prove my position because my position can’t be proven,” is a total cop out. If you can’t state the proof why there is no god then you’re not an atheist my friend, you’re an agnostic.

  12. luvpudders says:

    I wish I had time for more spirituality. I do a lot that makes me feel good–including saving the lives of animals. Religious? Me thinks not. I do believe some things are the “Christian thing to do,” and do tap into that very often. I feel saving the lives of animals makes me a good Christian–and NOT going to church on Sunday and buying a pastor/reverend a huge house. Why do clergy need huge houses and expensive furniture? My relative’s church NUMBERS the contribution envelopes before distributing them to parish members. What?!?

  13. iknowtruthismine says:

    Jango Davis – To demand that I have to violate the laws of logic to satisfy your silly notion that a god creature might exist, is the equivalent of saying that an anti-Nazi is somehow also a Nazi because no one can be totally anti-Nazi. The day, the second, that someone comes up with absolute proof that a god, or gods, exist, I will be the first to step forward, admit I was wrong, and supplicate myself before that creature, but until that event occurs, I will not waste a second of my precious short life entertaining a concept that is so dangerous that people actively work to fulfill the stated end-time scenarios, so many of them demand of Humanity. I do not stand in fear of some vain, vindictive, psychologically disturbed fictional entity, so disturbed that it demands to be worshipped in a highly proscribed manner, at the pain of eternal damnation. There is an infinite reality out there, that we are only beginning to understand, that I only get to enjoy a tiny bit of during my short period of existence. Religion is an attempt to create a false eternal reality that is doctrinaire, dogmatic, and if you don’t play by the rules, infinitely cruel and painful. No freaking thanks, even in theory.

  14. luvpudders says:

    Beliefs of various religions: Live in fear. You’re married to an adulterer, but you’ll be cursed if you divorce the person. Life here sucks lemons, so look forward to death and floating around “up there” somewhere, life is not simply a process of biological deterioration, God is nasty and out to get us if we do the wrong thing. If you watch a paranormal show and believe any of it, you’re a religious failure. You’re married, but as long as you pounce on someone of the same faith, it’s okay (make sure it’s the same faith). INSANITY.

  15. Jango Davis says:

    iknowtruthismine – I am not discussing religon, as you very well know. So, your feelings about religon are a bit of a non sequitur in this discussion. Though clearly it seems as though your hostility towards religon is wrapped up in your alleged “atheism.”

    I too have had negative experiences with organized religon and have abandoned it as well, however, I do not let that experience bias my philosphical positions. My negative experience was my own, someone else may have a positive experience with organized religon and for them that positive experience is as valid as my negative experience. Or do you believe that the validity of your positions are applicable to everyone else? Reading your statements, you do not seem to be absolutely sure of your position as an atheist.

    Imagine there is a two-dimensional world. Let’s say we toss a third-dimension ball, a sphere, into that dimension. The beings in that dimension will only percieve that third-dimensional sphere as a two-dimensional circle. The true nature of the sphere is forever hidden from the 2-D world due to the limitations of their senses. Likewise, we find ourselves in a simlar situation. Scientists have theorized there are higher dimensions, but the limitations of our senses prevents our ability to see beyond our own.

    If you cannot make a coherant, valid arguement that there is absolutely is no God, reality, or absolute truth, greater than our own third-dimension reality, then you are not an atheist my friend, you are an agnostic. Yet, to trust our logic is a flawed starting point as well, because our logic is an extension of our limited third dimensional brain and therefore limits our ability to reason beyond the parameters of our current reality. The best we can say is that we don’t know, there may be, but we can’t ever know.

    Just like the orthrodox believe in God, you also have staked an inflexible philosphical point. You are as sure of your position, and the universality of your “truth” as any militant religious extremist, yet, you claim that you do not have to prove your position rhetorically! How very convenient for you to take a position you feel you do not have to prove. Tell me, how that is any different than the position that evangelical christians take? That is why I say atheism and religon are the two sides of the same coin.

    If you take the time to read your own statements as well as the classical definitions of atheism and agnosticism, you will see that you are indeed an agnostic, not an athiest. There are no athiests, only self-loathing agnostics in denial.

  16. iknowtruthismine says:

    Jango Davis – I don’t particularly care what any one individual believes, or doesn’t believe, as long as it doesn’t negatively impact society. Considering the damage done to Humanity, in the name of one god or another, over the centuries, I think an examination of the very institution is warranted. My beliefs, which due to my total unwillingness to subscribe to a body of nebulous and clearly made-up dogma, I call Atheism, can be completely reversed if there ever appears any verifiable evidence to the contrary. I won’t hold my breath waiting, and I will speak out against the negative impact that religions have on our survivability as a species, or the very real threat being evidenced by absolutist Christianity against the secular state we were created to be.