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Escape from LA: Is that an anomaly in your pocket or are you glad to see me?

The world can be a dangerous place. There are a lot of loons out there, not just those seeking public office.

That's why I'm not going to gripe about airport security, especially when I'm the one who's flying at 30,000 feet. If something bad happens up there, I'm going to kick myself for not taking the bus.

So I understand the need to x-ray carry-ons and to walk through a metal detector. But a pat down?

News flash. Don't worry about reports that the new, full-body scanners employed at some airports are so invasive they should be x-rated. In my case, the one I went through at the Los Angeles airport on my way to Taiwan apparently had a defect.

Here's what happened. I went through a body scanner, which involved standing in a designated spot on the floor and looking straight ahead at a wall. I was told to hold both arms over my head like a French soldier surrendering, except with my elbows bent and hands touching.

It seemed to take longer than I expected. I was waved through, then stopped. I heard one security guard tell another, "I have a male with an anomaly in his rear left pocket."

That male would be me.

"Is that your wallet?" I was asked. Yep. I pulled it out and gave it to him. No need to be snippy with a gumshoe who could ruin your day. He opened it and felt it. Then he paused.

If this had been another country, I'd half expect him to ask for a contribution to his personal pension fund. He didn't. Instead, he reached around behind me and patted me down on my butt.

I've never been groped on Greyhound. But hey, this is California.


And just went you get there, it's time to go. But not quite.

I've never flown on China Airlines, which is ferrying me to Taipei, Taiwan, where I will be attending events over the next several days related to the 100th anniversary of the Republic of China.
But if my experience at the departure gate is typical, Americans have nothing to fear about the organizational skills of Chinese businesses. I've seen kindergarten classes more organized.

It was just after 1 a.m., and a crush of passengers were waiting to board the 747 jumbo jet at the gate. Some were standing. Others were like me, sitting in an area just to the side of the gate.
Suddenly, three China Airlines gate attendants started roping off this area like it was a crazed Disney World attraction, allegedly to ease the entry process. Instead, about 50 of us were totally roped off.

But not to worry. My boarding pass was stamped Zone 1. I was near the front. However, it appeared nearly everyone's pass said Zone 1. Chairman Mao may be dead, but his philosophy still rules. Boarding wasn't chaos, but it was close.

It gets worse. After the passengers were on board, the big aircraft eased from the gate. Then it stopped. Why? Low pressure in one of the tires, the pilot indicated. We were grounded as someone sent for a spare, perhaps from Beijing.

Nearly two hours later, we heard another announcement, first in Chinese and then English. I didn't understand the first message. But the second message was "the technical problem is over and the rebuilding is finished."

Rebuilding? A plane about to fly 6,000 miles across the Pacific?

Great. But the flight attendants were knockouts.

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