Time travel is crazy

Only time with tell…

Time travel, for lack of a better term, is crazy. The rules are insane and inconsistent. The effects are typically random and unknown. Sometime people are supposed to travel through time and change things, and sometimes that is the definite WORST thing to do. Time travel is impossible to predict and incredibly difficult to perform correctly, even for the highest of intellects. That is why people don't time travel in the 21st century. Even if it weren't hard to do, it is dangerous and unpredictable, and you guessed it - Crazy.

Unfortunately the ones time traveling in this story are not too bright. They are definitely not the sharpest tools on the shelf. According to the rules of the metaphor, a saw or ax might be a sharp enough tool to do the job with little mistakes. These guys are probably spoons. And probably this plastic ones that 7 year olds use to eat cake at parties. That would make sense, since their minds probably worked like 7 year olds. Hmmm, I suppose you may be a bit tired of my rambling. In that case, let me tell you the story about those two and time travel.

"Dude, we should totally just go to your house and chill," said Dave, in a mellow tone.

Dave was the taller one, and he made most of the decisions. He had messy, dirt-brown hair and wore jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Oh, uh dude. Major déjà vu right here. Have you said that before? "

Fred was the shorter one, but only by an inch or two. He had somewhat messy hair (though not as much as Dave's). His hair reached near the bottom of his neck. He wore jeans and a gray t-shirt.

While these two looked a bit similar, the true similarity was their personalities. They had similar IQs (Their IQs were probably a number you could make into a 1st grader's math homework. 3+6 Dave and Fred's IQs! I don't feel the need to tell you if that's their IQs combined or not). They talked the same, and acted generally the same, always mellow and feeble minded.

Before Dave could explain that he had not said anything twice, Fred got hit on the shoulder by some small object.

"Owwwww. Something just totally crashed into my shoulder!" Fred cried out in pain and the 2 turned around to see the cause.

They spotted two people shouting something like "DUDE, they looked at us!" but it must have been their imaginations because they were gone the second they looked for the two.

"That was totally odd, dude" said Dave.

"Now's not the time, man! I think my arm is dislocated!" Fred fretfully replied.

"What does dis… lo-cated mean?"

"It… uh… I'm not sure…"

The two thought for a bit about the word which I'm sure multiple 3rd graders know.

"Uh, cool! I can totally bend my elbow towards my mouth!" cheered Fred.

"Woahhhh, we could make a record… Lick your elbow, man!"

(Just for the record, it is literally impossible to lick your elbow. Regardless, 75 of the people who read this will try it. Any time travel that ensues is not our faults. We warned you this might happen!)

Fred twisted his arm into a position that did not look comfortable. He took a quick lick and then the two were blasted into a vortex at high speed. The two could barely be heard yelling something like "Duuuuuude" over the roar of the strange twisting walls. And suddenly it all stopped and the two were in a white room.

"Why, greetings time travelers."

The voice had an accent. It sounded British and intelligent. Mostly British though.

"Hmmm, I do say" said the man. "You don't look like the average time travelers to me…"

The man had brown hair that was brushed back thoroughly and had large round glasses. He wore a red tie and a black suit with khaki colored pants. He looked as if he were going to visit some British authority (or perhaps it was that he LOOKED like British authority.)

"Uh, hey there gnarly British dude. Who are you? Can you help us get back to our time?"

"Hmm, I suppose I can, I being the time police of the year 4011 and all. You will do what I say and you will not question it. Now I want you too sneeze, and I want you to do it while keeping your eyes open."

"We don't need to sneeze." the 2 boys said in unison.

The man rolled his eyes and handed them a pepper shaker. Dave took a big old whiff and Fred grabbed his eye lids. Dave sneezed, and before the two knew what was happening, Dave's eyes flew out and exploded into a portal. The two were sucked in and then, they were back home.

"Did it work?" Wondered Fred

"I don't know, man. I can't see," said the eye-less Dave.

Then Fred spotted himself and Dave walking.

"It's us in the past!" he yelped.

"Quick, throw a rock at them dude!" replied Dave "Then they'll never go into the future and be us!"

Fred threw a rock but it hit his own shoulder (his past self's shoulder, I mean).


The 2 past versions of Dave and Fred looked back, and the two ones who went to the future were sent flying backwards into another portal. Then, the two were back to where they started. The paradox had reset everything.

"Dude, we should totally just go to your house and chill," said Dave in a mellow tone.


Is it that the 2 are stuck in the loop forever or will they live their lives like nothing ever happened? Only time will tell…