

Business benefits

From: Libby G. Cohen <lcohen@maine.edu>
Date: Sat, 03 Nov 2001 14:08:40 -0500
Message-ID: <3BE440B8.78B25417@maine.edu>
Here are some suggestions for the Business Benefits document.
General comments: Omit references to “you” and “your”
Check for consistency of capitalization, punctuation, heading levels
Tone of document has a marketing emphasis. In general, suggest that
language be changed to more matter of fact, descriptive, tone. I have
included specific suggestions that address this.
1. Introduction
second paragraph, first sentence, change “will” to “may”
second paragraph, second sentence insert “organization’s” after “your”
third paragraph, first sentence, change add “s” to the word “duplicaton”

2. Increase Market Share
first paragraph, first sentence, change “is” to “can be”
first paragraph, first sentence, change “from” to “resulting from the
application of”
third sentence, need to check on statistics, or omit until we have the
evidence NOTE: WHO states that there are more than 120 million people
who are deaf, 180 million who have a visual disability, 40 to 45 million
who are blind and also have a physical disability; WHOSIS statistical
information provides statistics for many countries. Appears as if
incidence of disability at birth varies from around 6% to 26%.

Improve Usability for non-disabled
Collapse the following two second level bullets: “While the primary Web
device….” and “An increading number of users will …..”
Need to check on statistic on color-blindness. If can’t substantiate,
omit. NOTE: Georgetown Univ. states that 7% of males have some form of
color blindness Manu21-Gentic resource-Selected condition

Support for Low Literacy Levels
First paragraph, reword second sentence that begins “Following the WCAG
1.0 recommendations”
Need reference citation for second bullet that begins “many studies have
shown that….”

Improve Search Engine Listings
Third bullet of the second level of bullets: omit “important” omit “
expensive and informative”

Repurpose Content
First paragraph, first sentence omit “any”

Increase Support for Internationalization
Reword first sentence to something like: “In an expanding global
marketplace, the WCAG 1.0 techniques can enhance the organization’s
capability of reaching a global audience.”

Assisting Access for Low-Bandwidth Users
First paragraph, second sentence change “underdeveloped” to “developing”

First paragraph, second sentence add “s” to “limitation”
First paragraph, third sentence can additional examples be used instead
of “etc.”?
First paragraph, third sentence change “eg” to “e.g.”
Second bullet, omit the sentence “The bandwidth savings can be immene.”
Third bullet, omit “significantly”
Fourth bullet omit “rather than  following…..”

Improve Efficiency
First sentence change “will” to “may”
Third bullet omit “significantly”
Sixth bullet correct spelling for the word “adaptatin”
Sixth bullet add “s” to version

Site Search Engine Improvements
Omit sentence “If your customers’ searching is more successful…..”

Repurposing Content
First sentence add hyphen between “Web” and “enabled”
Second sentence omit “and” preceding “ensuring”
Second bullet: is the meaning of the phrase “circling around” generally
Third bullet: suggest that the phrase “technology-challenged” be
reworded. However, I do not have a specific suggestion.

Demonstrate Social Responsibility
Omit “However, in an extremely competitive…..”
First bullet,  omit “disadvantaged”
Second bullet, can refer to WHOSIS statistics on age and disability
Third bullet: may want to add “making the workplace more welcoming”

Reduce Legal Liability
First sentence, change “institutes” to “institutions”
Received on Saturday, 3 November 2001 14:11:33 GMT
