Divorce often comes as a shock. "But they seemed so happy," even the wizened Faker finds herself thinking, sometimes with sadness, sometimes with schadenfreude (but only if the spouses overshared about the stress of scheduling spa appointments around golf outings).

It is not in the Faker's job description to be duped. So she sought expert counsel on what a good marriage really looks like. If you are convinced that yours isn't one of them, but you want your neighbor/nanny/spouse to be the last to know, try these tips to present a more perfect union to the public.

Pick your battles, and the battlegrounds. "There's that bickering where you're always going at it — people who are really at odds with each other can't help themselves," said psychologist Peggy Drexler, author of "Our Fathers, Ourselves" (Rodale, $24.99). If you want to maintain the appearance of a good relationship — or at least maintain a good relationship with the neighbors — curb the bickering when you're at the block party. "It makes people feel very uncomfortable socially," Drexler said. Plus, you're doing your children no favors if they're seeing open or even subtle conflict all the time, she said.

Don't be too touchy, literally. Too much PDA — here Drexler means public displays of affection, but too much time on the iPhone counts too — can look suspicious. "I'm thinking of a couple who's always holding hands, always looking like high school sweethearts, and it makes you wonder, 'Is this a pretense?'" The absence of contact is equally suspect. "Often you see couples who don't touch at all, or couples who don't look at each other at all," Drexler said.

Share interests besides your children. "Often you see marriages that are good where both people like to socialize," Drexler said. But, also, "if you see couples going out for dinner on their own, it would seem that they enjoy each other's company." A shared sense of humor is another indicator, "where they can laugh at each other and themselves, and it's not cruel or humiliating to the other person, but they share kind of a life view and find humor in many of the same situations."

Be supportive. "Can one step in when the other is down and out? Or do they both, if something happens, fall apart? When couples can do that — be strong when the other can't be, and empathy is a very, very big thing there — that shows the ability to connect and have a close relationship interpersonally."

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Fake it until you make it. That's borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous, Drexler said, but it can apply to marriage as well. "If a couple wants to stay together, if they go through the motions of getting along, feeling that they have common interests and are trying to understand each other, they might end up keeping the marriage. In cognitive behavioral therapy, which is considered one of the most rapid forms of therapy in terms of results, the idea is based on our thoughts causing our feelings and behaviors, and not external things like our husband or situations. The idea is, if we can change the way we think to feel and act better in a marriage, then the marriage can be more solid."