Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
You Get What You Need

Last night, the judges brought Brooke and Derek back down to earth when they turned in a disastrous first performance, and they elevated Lance and Lacey when they showed up with their game faces on. Tonight, we'll find out who's going on to the finals next week, and we'll find out LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tonight's show will also feature the most musical talent ever packed into one show, and they're starting right off with Aretha doing "Chain of Fools." Yes, Aretha. Aretha Franklin. Hopefully you are familiar with her body of work, and you're probably also familiar with her divadom. My favorite diva move was on one of the VH1 Divas Live concerts when she just started singing over the top of Celine Dion as if to say, "Don't even try, bitch. I was singing soul classics before you even married your creepy manager as a child bride." Anyway, Aretha doesn't sound the best I've ever heard her, but WTF people, she's like a hundred years old and she's Aretha. And she still sounds better than most of the "talent" they have on this show. While she sings, Louis and Karina dance along with another couple, which is interesting because there were rumors that Aretha demanded that there be no dancers while she sang because she didn't want anything to pull focus. She's kind of awesome that way.

Tom reminds us that last night, Brooke's jive was terrible because she missed so many steps. Cody's paso doble was stiff and wooden. Warren's mambo won over the audience but not so much the judges. Lance's mambo got everyone excited again after a lackluster beginning from the other dancers. In the second round, Brooke came back with her salsa. Cody's salsa, in comparison, was not quite enough to win over the judges and he hoped it wasn't his last dance. Warren's jitterbug was a little out of control but the judges seemed okay with it. Lance lost a shoe in his jitterbug but still earned his highest scores yet. So which three will advance to the finals? We'll find out shortly.

The next performance is set to begin. Look, I appreciate that being on this show is a big boost for lots of performers, but I watch this show for dancing, not musical performances. And the little dances the pros do while the performers sing isn't quite enough. Anyway, it's Leona Lewis and here's a shocker! She's singing "Bleeding Love." Maks and Karina come out to dance. Ooh! This just! Got! Interesting! Because they are rumored to be dating, so everyone is going to be analyzing their every move for evidence. It's hard to tell because the pros are good at making it look like they're totally doing it even when they're not. Anyway, Maks and Karina do a fairly awesome routine, and afterwards Tom and Samantha makes some cracks about how much chemistry they had and that they should date. So that's pretty much a confirmation, right? Wait. Why do I care?

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Dancing With The Stars




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