

1. Tim Tebow

More mildcat than wildcat now. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. NBA

Because there's no better way to celebrate Jesus' birth than watching five meaningless basketball games. (unranked)

3. New York Giants

Gonna be awfully hard to repeat last year's Super Bowl run from their couch. (unranked)

4. Mitt Romney

Graciously let Obama win election because he wanted it more. (unranked)

5. Genetically-modified fish

Great in case we ever run out of non-mutant fish. (unranked)

6. Wayne LaPierre

Contacting Jerry Sandusky and O.J. to get tips on improving his public image. (2)

7. Ben Affleck

Don't we already have enough self-serving clowns in Congress? (unranked)

8. Suzy Favor Hamilton

Santa had an unbelievably hard time deciding if she was naughty or nice. (3)

9. Postal workers' hunger strike

With post office losing $16 billion a year, we're fine with letting 'em starve. (unranked)

10. Mike Crapo

DUI shows senator's idea of abstinence is pretty gosh darn flexible. (unranked)

Others receiving votes

Lomas Brown, Jerry Sandusky, Lance Armstrong, Joey Porter, Josh Cribbs, Rich Harden, Mark Dayton's back, Rob Parker, "Wheel of Fortune", NHL lockout, Larry Fitzgerald Sr., roadside cavity searches, Houston Texans, 12-21-12, Barack Obama, Beef O'Brady's Bowl, Charlie Sheen's mouth, Jake LaMotta, Nick Swisher, Christmas Eve last-minute shoppers.

Follow Kevin Cusick on twitter.com/theloopnow.