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TomysurpriseJohn's avatar

Does this mean she isn't interested anymore?

Asked by TomysurpriseJohn (5 points ) July 3rd, 2011 from iPhone

This girl and I used to always flirt with each other on MSN and Yahoo Messenger. We also flirted alot during school. But then on Yahoo Messenger we had a group chat and this one guy who is a friend of both of us said “It seems like you guys have crushes on each other and secretly like each other since you two are always flirting”. After this her and I stopped talking for the rest of the day and said nothing after our friend said that. Then the next day, I IM’d her on Yahoo Messenger and she replied, but did not flirt back with me. We had a conversation for about 40 minutes and we did not really flirt for once. Later on that day, I texted her and she texted back but every 10 texts I sent trying to flirt with her, she would flirt back on only 2 of them. She replied to my texts saying “Cool, lol” or “Funny, haha”. If she didn’t say those she would be like “Really, or why?” if I said something interesting. The point is now I feel like I have to keep the conversations alive when I text her and she rarely ever flirts back with me. Does this mean that she doesn’t like me anymore or that she’s not interested?

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9 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

She’s not interested.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes, she’s not interested.

Kardamom's avatar

She probably likes you as a friend, but not in a romantic way (and never did). Girls and guys tend to use flirting a lot, not realizing that the person on the other end of the flirting will take it as a romantic gesture (that is what flirting was created for, after all, to give the other person a signal that you were romantically interested in them) But nowadays, flirting is used all over the place, even when people don’t mean it (not sure why).

Sounds like the guy in the group chat “called you out” on the flirting and the young lady has stopped doing it, for fear that you might get the wrong impression.

But it sounds like she does like talking to you as a friend, and friends often do end up having romantic feelings for each other down the line. So just play it cool, and if she doesn’t start flirting again, just keep it light. If she does start flirting again, then maybe ask her out on a date, even if it is a group thing where other kids are going along too and see what happens.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

As everyone else said, shes not interested. Sorry bro.
Time to go fishing again.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Welcome to Fluther!

It is difficult to say based upon the details provided. The only way to find out is to talk to her in person and privately. She may be feeling embarrassment by the call-out, even though she has feelings for you. Then again, it could be something else. The real question is, what do you want from this relationship?

Brian1946's avatar


Given the above, I’d say you’re overdoing it with the flirting ratio.
I suggest the next time you talk to her in private, flirt once and if she doesn’t flirt back, then pursue other subjects.

How long have you had this relationship with her?

wundayatta's avatar

What do these “flirts” consist of?

wundayatta's avatar

So it seems that the “flirts” were lighthearted repartee about what you’re doing, studded with lols and other indicators that you are keeping things light. Now, I guess she seems to be pulling back and not responding in a lighthearted way any more.

Clearly she was spooked by the comments of that other person. So this is really more of a social issue than a you issue. She was having fun with you until it seemed like people were watching and maybe thinking that something was happening.

I don’t know if she has lost interest in you, but she has certainly lost interest in being thought to be interested in you. If you want to really know what’s happening, you have to talk to her about it, and deal with it head on. No playing around. Ask her why she has pulled back? She may play innocent like she doesn’t know anything has changed. You have to show her the evidence, but first, tell her you’re not mad of upset. You just want to know what is going on, because it’s messing with your head.

See what she says. You might even offer the theory that somehow she is ashamed of being seen to like you. Is this true? If so, why? Is there any reason why she might be ashamed of being seen to like you? Are you different races? Different class backgrounds? What? Or is she like a good girl who doesn’t date? Or maybe she’s just not ready to get into a relationship of any kind, so she’s pulling back because of that. She got scared.

It could be a lot of things, and none of us can tell you what it is, or what she is thinking or whether she was every interested or if she is interested now. You have to talk to her. Take her to a cafe or something. And talk. Then tell us what the story is.

atlantis's avatar

If I were you, I’d take it to the next level. Ask her out. If she’s still interested, she’ll say yes. If not, yeah you were in the friend zone from the get-go.
Disclaimer: proceed with caution. Results may be unexpected.

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