One last thing…

Rich Pelley talks top-shelf comics, Klingon and the credit crunch with Jeff Albertson, AKA The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy

Hello, Comic Book Guy!


In Season 16 Episode 8 (1), your name is revealed to be Jeff Albertson. But everybody still calls you Comic Book Guy. Why is that?

I sell comics, and everyone who sells comics is a guy. Duh.

Duh yourself! How come you're so sarcastic when Americans famously don't do sarcasm?

Oh, am I sarcastic? I didn't realise. And thank you for your brilliant, brilliant, brilliant question.

You're welcome. In Season 19 Episode 7, Husbands And Knives, you are forced to sell The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop to Marge who turns it into a women-only gym. How is the credit crunch affecting business these days?

The credit crunch has affected me less than Nestlé Crunch, which is now priced so high I can't purchase my usual 13 a day.

Do you have any items in store more valuable than your photo of Sean Connery, signed by Roger Moore (2)?

Unfortunately my photo of Connery signed by Moore is now covered in ketchup, spilled by me.

How about a "top shelf" adult-only section? Do you have one of those?

There is a top shelf of adult titles but unfortunately I have grown too fat to reach it. The only DVD I remember up there is The Curious Case Of Benjamin's Butt.

You hold a Masters degree in Folklore and Mythology. For your thesis, you translated The Lord Of The Rings into Klingon. When on earth does being able to speak Klingon come in handy (3)?

Klingon never comes in handy. Particularly not with women.

We thought not! You blog at alt.nerd.obsessive (4). What things currently annoy you?

I am annoyed from the minute I have to be helped out of bed in the morning to the time I pass out from sugar shock at night. In particular, I am unhappy with the state of Hollywood movies and comic books, which these days are pretty much the same thing.

You have an IQ of 170, which is 10 higher than Stephen Hawking. When Homer meets Hawking, he impresses him with his theories of a "doughnut-shaped universe". Do you have any theories of the universe of your own?

I don't have a theory of the universe, but if I had a time-travel machine I would immediately use it to travel back to 1938 and buy every issue of Action Comics No 1 for the original Depression-era price. Then I would kill Hitler, visit the World's Fair and come back relaxed and refreshed.

In Season 12 Episode 11, Worst Episode Ever (5), you have a heart attack. Would the world be a sadder place without Comic Book Guy?

I don't know if it would be a sadder place but I do know you wouldn't be paying $40,000 for a kids' comic that once sold for 12 cents.

Never trust a man with a ponytail. Discuss.

I may or may not have a ponytail, I'm not sure. I am unable to turn my neck enough to see.

Well, Marge lends you her pregnancy pants in The Simpsons Movie. Has that helped with your self-image?

I had to give back the pregnancy pants because unfortunately I grew too fat for them. Elastic can only stretch so far …

Thanks, Comic Book Guy. Worst. Interview. Ever?

This is indeed the Worst. Interview. Ever. And in fact your last idiotic query was the Worst. Question. Ever. My answer is pretty good, though. (6)

The Simpsons: The Complete 12th Season is out on DVD from Monday

1 When Homer stages the Superbowl half-time show

2 It's worth $150

3 Death Metal band Stovokor sing in Klingon

4 A parody of newsgroup

5 CBG's catchphrase 'Worst. Episode. Ever?' is a parody of a review on

6 Worst. Answer. Ever