Well, I'm obsessed with both Harry Potter and West Side Story (among other things.) So I mixed them together!! (You can expect this with my two other obsessions! ) The weird thing is, I never really likes songfics. Oh well, enjoy!

The Gryffindors were all inside, they were the only house who wasn't outside

Snape: HEY YOU!

Neville: who me?

Snape: Yeah you! Didn't you hear me calling?!

Neville: Why yes, sir.

Snape: Then why didn't you answer me?!

Harry: His mother told her never to answer back to a teacher.

Snape: You little wise ass! You want me to expel you?!

Harry: Why indeed not! Sir.

Snape: What are you all doing hanging around here for?

Ron: Well, you see, sir, we can't go back outside! It's such a bad environment!

Harry: We don't get no love there. The Slytherins torture us!

Snape: You better not be here when I get back!

Snape leaves

Neville: Gee, he was mad!

Fred: And what happened? A big fat nothing!

Neville: Yeah, but what if he comes back and we're still here?

Harry: Then we show 'im what he wants! You see, Snape believes the worst of us, Gryffindors, and he'll fo whatever possible to get us in trouble!

Ron (speaking as Snape): Hey, you!

Harry (spoken): Who me, Professor Snape?

Ron (speaking as Snape): Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down to Dumbledore's office, you punk.

Harry (singing):

Dear kindly Professor Snape,

Ya gotta understand--

It's just our bringin' up-kape

That gets us outta hand.

Our mothers all are junkies,

Our fathers all are drunks.

Golly Moses -- naturally we're punks.

Harry, Seamus, Dean:

Gee, Professor Snape, we're very upset;

We never had the love that every

Child oughta get.

We ain't no delinquents,

We're misunderstood.

Deep down inside us there is good!


There is good!

Harry, Seamus, Dean: There is good, there is good,

There is untapped good.

Like inside, the worse of us is good.

Ron (imitating Snape): That's a touching good story.

Harry: Lemme tell it to the world!

Ron (imitating Snape): Just tell it to the headmaster!!

Harry (to Fred who's imitating Dumbledore):

Dear kindly, nice, headmaster

My parents treat me bad.

With all their casting spells,

They won't let me try a tad.

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had.

Leapin' lizards --that's what I'm so bad!

Fred (imitating as Dumbledore):


Professor Snape, you're really a square;

This boy don't need me, he needs Madam Pomfrey's care!

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed--

He's psychologically disturbed.


I'm disturbed!


We're disturbed, we're disturbed,

We're the most disturbed,

Like we're psychologically disturbed.

Fred (speaking as Dumbledore): listen, listen! In my opinion, this child is depraved on account he hasn't had a normal home.

Harry (spoken): Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!

Fred (speaking as Dumbledore): So take him to the hospital wing.

Harry (singing to George who's acting as Pomfrey):

My Daddy beats my Mommy,

My Mommy clobbers me,

My Grandpa is a Commie,

My Grandma pushes tea.

My sister wears a mustache,

My brother wears a dress.

Goodness Gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

George (as Pomfrey):


Professor Snape, he shouldn't be here.

This boy don't need a nurse, he needs a useful career.

Society's played him a terrible trick,

and sociologically he's sick!

Harry: I am sick!


We are sick, we are sick,

We are sick, sick, sick

Like we're sociologically sick!

George (speaking as Pomfrey):

In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a Social disease.

Harry (spoken): Hey, I got a social disease!

George (speaking as Pomfrey): So take him to his head of house!

Harry (singing to Lee who's acting as a McGonagall):

Dear kindly Professor McGonagall,

They tell me get good grades,

Like be a smarty-darty,

Which means like be a pain.

It's not I'm anti-social,

I'm only anti-work.

Gloryosky, that's why I'm a jerk!

Lee (as McGonagall):


Professor, you have a head of bone!

This boy don't need a job, he needs you to leave him alone!.

It's just a question of misunderstood;

Deep down inside him, he's pure good!


I'm pure good!


We're pure good, we're pure good,

We are Gryffindor good,

Like the best of us is just pure good!

Alicia: The trouble is you think he's lazy.

Katie: The trouble is you think he drinks

Hermione: The trouble is you think he's crazy.

Dean: The trouble is you think he stinks,

Hermione: The trouble is he's growing.

Lavender: The trouble is he's grown!


Snape, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Professor Snape,

We're down on our knees.

'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease.

Gee, Professor, what are we to do?

Gee, Professor Snape --


Why do I fell I messed up some?? Oh well, its two o'clock in the morning. No, that's not an excuse because lately I've been going to sleep at like five. Well, I've got better things to do than read the whole song again. I know it by heart anyways. Hope you enjoyed!