Chilliwack, British Columbia

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==Chilliwack Facts==
==Chilliwack Facts==
Chilliwack is colloquially and affectionally known as "The Wack". Maybe because it is a wacky place, the people are whacked out on crack, or just much easier to spell and pronounce "The Wack" than "Chilliwack". In Chilliwack, "I" is pronounced as an "a", but only when it is the second "I" in a word, in a month ending in "Y", or on Tuesdays. The majority of the population is of Dutch descent, and are affectionally known as "Dutchie assholes". The local population keeps itself entertained by activities such as garbage dumping on Vedder Mountain, begging, drug dealing, and stealing ATV's and agricultural equipment. Weekend tractor races amuse the youth of Chilliwack. There is no local newspaper, as the level of illiteracy is so high among the adult population. Chilliwack is officially bilingual - Dutch and English being the two spoken languages. Electricity came to town in 1984 but so far only a minority of homes have taken up a connection to the power grid. Chilliwack has the highest percentage of electrical supply by-passes per capita (even higher than Kelowna). The people of Chilliwack are still waiting for gas to be connected, and currently survive through the burning of freshly cut green trees, tires, and parts from rusty trucks.
The area is located 600 feet below sea level which is why it is always flooded. A good reason for most of the population with an IQ above 54 to live high up on the hills above town. Despite the lush terrain, high level of precipitation, and other positive factors, local agriculturalists have never experimented with rice farming, fearing an influx of Chinese low paid farm workers, and preferring to focus on a diverse range of familiar fresh produce such as beets, turnips, or organic cabbage - or indoor crops such as marijuana. The average temperature in Chilliwack ranges from unbearably hot and sweaty, down to freezing cold and damp, and is often at either extreme or even in the middle sometimes.
==Areas of Chilliwack==
==Areas of Chilliwack==

Revision as of 16:40, January 16, 2013

Chilliwack 2004
Chilliwack's governing council
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Chilliwack
“Chilliwack? Sounds delightful and sunny! ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Chilliwack
“Chilliwack. Not as scary as Surrey. Yet. ”
~ Chilliwack Tourism Motto on Chilliwack
“Gone Gone Gone So Long ”
~ Chilliwack on Chilliwack
Mayor of Chilliwack, Cli(n)t Hames



Chilliwack has few imports. They include: Asian tour buses, pavement, car commercials, university students, and low-life trash that no other city wants. This includes North American Indians. The local economy is also stimulated by wrecks recovered from highway crashes, and the weekly collection of highway tire rubber by teams of highly trained Chilliwack teens. Recent industrial innovation unique to Chilliwack includes the harvesting of commercial-grade methane from human and animal farts, using a complex and advanced production process known in the oil & gas industry as "the Dutch oven".





Chilliwack Facts

Areas of Chilliwack








University College of the Fraser Valley

Chilliwack is also home to UCFV, also known as the University of Christianity and Fictitious Values. This pseudo school is in fact a drug and prostitute cartel. It is shared between 5 towns in B.C. The King of UCFV is "Skip" Bassford, who is famous for running over students in his Volvo S70 and for doing cocaine off of every new students' breasts (male and female-this man is gender blind). Student ages range from 18-94. Every Wednesday at UCFV, there is a gathering of Students to try to improve the school. This usually lasts 15 minutes, and then everyone breaks down into group sex.

One of the more popular courses on offer to students is the two-year Technical Diploma in Marijuana Grow Operations. This education guarantees a high ratio of work placement for graduates, and it has proven to be worth the investment with a good return on cost. Students are also trained in effective ways to dispose of grow-op material in culverts, drains, and fields. Grotesquely deformed hobbling local children can often be seen rummaging through grow-op residue at weekends, searching for valuable reusable plastic pipe and to gather compost.

Other courses include farming, agriculture, farming, fieldwork, and farming. And advanced farming.

Party Life







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