Lindsay Lohan Can't Even Go to a Film Festival Without Going to Jail

Lindsay Lohan might go to jail for going to Cannes. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are either fighting or screwing. A fight rages for twitter domination. Peaces Geldof exposes herself again. Saturday Gossip Roundup is not making this up.

  • Lindsay Lohan has gotten to the point where she can't not break the law. She's planning on flying to Cannes today to promote her film about Linda Lovelace. Which in itself is not illegal, no matter how much Michael Lohan hates the film. But! She's got to complete four more alcohol education classes by this Thursday, or she risks violating her probation. So, obviously, she's going to have to take these alcohol ed classes in French. Lindsay does speak French, right? [TMZ]

  • Are Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp gonna totally do it (i.e. have sex or maybe even just make out! That would still be something!) on the set of their new movie? Nope. Apparently, they were first going to do it but now they are annoyed at each other. An insider says of Jolie "She's getting fed up with Johnny... their chemistry was supposed to fly off the charts, but in private, they're not getting along." This totally makes sense, since my relationship with my coworkers always swings from uncontrolled lust to unbridled hatred.[Celebitchy]

  • One Twitter user to rule them all, One Twitter user to find them/One Twitter user to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. That is a poem from Lord of the Rings, which chronicles the War of the Ring between the forces of Mordor and the Fellowship of the Ring. But it could easily apply to the Twitter War going on now, as Ashton Kutcher fends off Britney Spear's ever-growing followers-list. It is currently Kutcher: 4,890,797 to Spears' 4,878,516. Team... someone? [People]

  • Jonathan Rhys Myers is currently banned from United Airlines because he drank a lot and got drunk and became "drunk and disorderly." This would be a good time for JetBlue to swoop in and offer Rhys Myers unlimited free flights, thus branding themselves the airline of choice for drunk idiots. [Radar]

  • Gabourey Sidibe's mom has shot down rumors that her daughter was being mean to fans and journalists at the White House Correspondents Dinner. She told Radar: "Would you believe all of those comments? Gabby was not raised to be a rude person." [Radar]

  • It is unfair that Peaches Geldof is getting shit for the fact that her boob popped out of her dress on the red carpet at the Young Hollywood Awards. After photos of your naked body have been strewn all over the Internet, you should be free to walk around in whatever state of undress you please. The rules of human decency no longer apply! [DailyMail]

  • There is nothing funny about sexual assault. Unless the alleged assaulter is Gene Simmons, and his defense is that he was wearing his KISS costume at the time of the alleged assault. See, the costume is like "a suit of armor, particularly around his groin area, making it impossible for Simmons to have done the kind of grinding that Jackson claims to have experienced." Case closed, as far as we're concerned. [TMZ]

  • Dennis Rodman was spotted in drag, drunk and hitting on everything in sight. [P6]

  • Is the cast of The Hills "self-imploding," as former cast member Whitney Port claims? Why did we phrase that in a question when the answer is very clearly yes? I mean, did you hear about how Spencer Pratt called Brody Jenner a "Drunk Idiot?" Is this entire item going to be in a question? Maybe? Actually, NOPE. [Radar]

  • Shia LaBeouf thought Transformers 2 sucked. Oh yeah? "LaBeouf" means "The Beef" in French. Shia The Beef! [P6]