It seems that with each passing generation, the level of parental involvement on a day-to-day basis in a child's school has increased. Technology makes it that much easier, since parents can see a student's exam grade before the child even gets home from school. And it is difficult to gauge whether competition to get into college is fueling this over-involvement or the over-involvement is creating a much more competitive landscape. Without spending too much time analyzing the phenomenon, I would rather shift my focus to the negative impacts of stepping in and always cushioning a child's fall.

Recently, a sophomore student confided in me that he sometimes does not do his homework because he knows his mom will do it for him if it gets too late. Another mom mentioned that she will be taking a year off work so she can focus on her child's grades. Other parents have taken over science projects and English papers. Now, parents do this from a place of love and of wanting to provide the best opportunities to their children. But these parents are lulling their children into a false sense of reality. They believe they are invincible and entitled.

Parents must let their children fail. Failure is as big a part of life as success is. There is much to be learned from failing, and this learning is what can fuel success and resiliency in the future. If your child stops doing his homework, do not rescue him. Let him get a zero or get reprimanded by the teacher. One parent even told me that the school assigns too much homework so she has to do it for her son. Even so, it is your son's responsibility to do the work.

Let's not forget the moral implications here. Do you want to teach your children that cheating and lying are the ways to reach success? Do you want them to believe that hard work is not necessary?

While they are under your roof, you can help them navigate the world. You can help them manage their time, teach them study skills, model hard work. You can support them when they fall down and cheer them on when they succeed. You can help them to see the good when everything seems dismal. Doing so means that they will learn the skills to be independent in life.

So, parents, resist the urge to "clean up" that essay, or redo the math problems. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. School is not just about learning facts and doing homework, but rather about learning skills. If you save them from every misstep they make, you are doing them a disservice.

If you find yourself in a position where you have already been over-involved, take baby steps to help your child adjust to having a bit more freedom. Be clear that you will not do any of his work, but will help him think through the problems. And then be consistent with your message.

Remember that your parents did not have the technological tools to keep an eye on you as you were growing up. You probably had to work hard, deal with teachers on your own, and learn the system of each school you went to individually. But doing so made you a stronger person. Let your kids have the same experiences. Let them earn their success. You may even find that you spend more quality time with your children when every interaction does not have to do with school.

Email Purvi S. Mody at