Why can he prefer the emptiness of a selfish act (no offense intended to those who battle with this situation), and lie to me that he doesn't do it?

It sounds like it may be because of the intimacy issue(s). I didn't see you mention a guestimate at frequency though so I don't know.

My H does from time to time but that is more about not having enough alone time between the two of us (work schedules, kids, etc.). I guess if I felt it was replacing me I would worry about it but I never felt that way.