UnNews:Stephen Harper berates Canadians for their ingratitude

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

15 October 2008

Heil harper
Harper during his victory speech

In his victory speech Tuesday night, Stephen Harper ripped into Canadians for "denying me the majority I so richly deserved" as he and his party fell twelve seats shy of a majority government in the general election.

Harper, speaking to an enthusiastic crowd of Conservatives who had managed to return to parliament having gained only seventeen seats of the twenty-nine needed to give him a majority made the point that he was "so much better than anyone else who was running, especially that wimp Stephane Dion". He also made it clear to the crowd that "they should be getting down on their knees to thank God that I have agreed to stay on as prime minister despite the betrayal of so many Canadians."

Harper went on that "it's not like I asked for all 305 seats" and "was 156 seats too much to ask of you ingrates". He noted that he "spent $300 million of your money to give you the opportunity to show that Canadians were intelligent enough to elect the smartest, most handsome and kindest man for the job".

Harper reminded Canadians that "now that you've allowed the Liberals and NDP a say in how things are run, your corporate bosses are probably not going to get tax cuts that will allow them to give more to the charities you were all going to depend on".

When opposing party leaders were asked if they would be willing to work closely with Harper, Bloc leader Gille Duceppe gave the reporters a quizzical look, Liberal Stephane Dion smiled kindly, and NDP leader Jack Layton almost bust a gut laughing.

In response to Harper's speech, the TSX index fell over 600 points in heavy trading.

edit Sources

Personal tools