“I THINK oysters are more beautiful than any religion. They not only forgive our unkindness to them; they justify it, they incite us to go on being perfectly horrid to them. Once they arrive at the supper table, they seem to enter thoroughly into the spirit of the thing.” Thus spake Clovis Sangrail, an ineffable fop who was one of the finest creations of H. H. Munro.

Munro, a Scottish writer (albeit of Burmese birth), would surely be gratified to learn how much his latter-day fellow-countrymen are prepared to pamper his favourite molluscs. In order to produce perfect specimens, Sub Sea Shellfish, a firm based in Oban on the west coast of Scotland, has developed a prototype of a submersible oyster farm which sits below the surface of the ocean and allows the creatures to grow in ideal conditions.

Oysters are fussy and need delicate handling. Unable to move, they rely on a constant supply of fresh seawater to bring them the nutrients they need to flourish. Since they take on the colour and flavour of their diet, those raised in less than salubrious living conditions tend to inspire not thoughts of heaven, but rather of purgatory—or, at least, purgatives. And even those that taste good may not necessarily look it. If badly knocked about during their time in the ocean they can, in the words of one gourmet, end up looking like a bag of misshapen chocolates.

Sub Sea's solution to these problems resembles a giant version of a child's spinning top. It is made from PVC and steel, and it weighs 5 1/2 tonnes—yet it can accommodate 40 tonnes of shellfish. It does this by using compressed air to increase its buoyancy as its cargo grows.

That cargo is contained in mesh structures known as lanterns. These hang down from the main body of the farm, ensuring that the captive oysters are held in free-flowing water currents. This maximises their growth: when given the chance, an oyster can pass five litres of water an hour through its body in search of the microscopic algae which it eats.

More of that weight will arrive at the supper table, too—for, unlike ordinary oyster beds, this one should be predator-free. Hungry crabs and starfish will find it hard to board the Sub Sea farm as only its anchor cables touch the bottom.

All promising stuff for aficionados— and the company's bosses, too, have high expectations of their invention. But even if the world does not eventually turn out to be their oyster, Clovis would undoubtedly have approved of the gesture.