Saturday 27 December 2014

Game of Thrones: which character are you?

The long-awaited fourth series of Game of Thrones begins next week, but have you ever wondered which character you most resemble? Wonder no more with our bloodthirsty personality test

Are you as popular as Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson)?
Are you as popular as Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson)? Photo: Sky

1) What is your relationship to your father?

a) Devoted and loving son. SCORE 1 POINT

b) Embittered illegitimate bastard. SCORE 2 POINTS


d) Nephew. SCORE 4 POINTS

Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner)

2) What is your preferred form of exercise?

a) Going on a nice long walk in the rain. SCORE 1 POINT

b) Sex with prostitutes in a seedy old city. SCORE 3 POINTS

c) Playing Grand Theft Auto but not doing the missions, just blowing things up. SCORE 4 POINTS

d) Powerlifting in an all-night gym. SCORE 2 POINTS

3) What is your ideal holiday?

a) Hiking in Scotland. SCORE 1 POINT

b) Fishing in Sweden. SCORE 4 POINTS

c) Backpacking in Eastern Europe. SCORE 2 POINTS

d) Paris city break. SCORE 3 POINTS

Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke)

4) What is your favourite food?

a) Chickens, roasted on an open-air spit. SCORE 2 POINTS

b) The humble bread of ethical northern folk. SCORE 1 POINT

c) The finest wines available to humanity. SCORE 3 POINTS

d) Rare black pudding. SCORE 4 POINTS

5) What is the most important thing in life?

a) Family. SCORE 3 POINTS

b) Breakfast. SCORE 1 POINT

c) Power. SCORE 4 POINTS

d) Hodor. SCORE 2 POINTS

Jon Snow (Kit Harington)

6) If you were to walk around all day holding a flag, which animal design would you choose?

a) Plodding bear. SCORE 2 POINTS

b) Mincing dragon. SCORE 1 POINT

c) Leaping fish. SCORE 3 POINTS

d) Roaring lion. SCORE 4 POINTS

7) Your ideal home would be

a) Log cabin in the Lake District. SCORE 4 POINTS

b) Villa in Tuscany. SCORE 3 POINTS

c) Cotswolds farmhouse. SCORE 1 POINT

d) New York penthouse. SCORE 2 POINTS

The Hound (Rory McCann)

8) Who is your ideal partner?

a) Your twin. SCORE 3 POINTS

b) Hollyoaks actor. SCORE 4 POINTS

c) Kinky priest. SCORE 2 POINTS

d) Foreign nurse. SCORE 1 POINT

9) What is your weapon of choice?

a) Crossbow. SCORE 4 POINTS

b) My sharp tongue, ser. SCORE 1 POINT

c) Warhammer. SCORE 2 POINTS

d) Sword. SCORE 3 POINTS

Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance)

10) Your children are mucking around. Do you

a) Feed them to zombies. SCORE 4 POINTS

b) Nothing, because they don't know they're your children. SCORE 2 POINTS

c) Marry them off to people they hate. SCORE 3 POINTS

d) Give them a gentle dressing down in your lovely Sheffield brogue. SCORE 1 POINT

Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen)

If you scored...

8-12. You're Samwell Tarly. Despite running for your life in frozen wastes with no food for months, you are fat and useless, and have yet to put the moves on your wildling girl from Skins, even though she clearly fancies you a bit. A total mystery.

12-16. You're Sansa Stark. Wetter than a sponge in scuba gear. You bore everyone to tears, but we feel guilty about it because you've had a tough time, or something.

16-20. You're Daenerys Targaryen. Sure, you're hot and you have dragons, but you also have some pretty un-Westerosian views on 'freedom' and you're leading all those fellers a merry dance. It also feels like you have done the same thing every episode for three series.

20-24. You're Jon Snow. You murdered your boss, slept with a northern babe and infiltrated the enemy camp, but your instinct is still to run to HR and try to explain what happened.

24-28. You're The Hound. Even your close friends struggle with you. It's not that your heart's in the right place, exactly, but it's not entirely in the wrong place either. Violent, but also funny, like an old-school ex-services pub drunkard.

28-32. You're Tywin Lannister. You are the only man in King's Landing with the requisite management chops. Any well-run organisation needs the odd murder, pour encourager les autres. Still a bit soft on your bratty Eurotrash children, though.

32-36. You're Theon Greyjoy. You murdered innocent children to make it look like you'd murdered your adoptive family after razing the castle in which you grew up. You also molested your sister on horseback. Points docked because even your toughest critic would concede you've had a few bad days at the office recently.

36-40. You're Joffrey Baratheon. Congratulations. When you play the Game of Thrones you win or you die, or you win and make millions of otherwise intelligent viewers plead with television screens for your death each week.

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