

Am FURIOUS at DD and need cooler heads to advise

(51 Posts)
AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:40:56

Came home from an afternoon out with the kids to meet with DH for lunch and a short shop.

Went to the downstairs toilet and felt a cold breeze. I looked over and saw one of the two panes has a huge hole in it. The window was a bit cracked before (we were waiting until we do our extension to fix it, as the whole wall may need replacing) so I wasn't totally surprised to see it was broken. But when I looked closer, I saw that the hairbrush I had told DD7 to put away this morning after she very reluctantly brushed her hair was sticking through the whole.

I went and confronted her and asked shouted if she had thrown the brush. She nodded, and I then questioned if she had known the window had broken and she said yes.

I'm more upset she didn't tell me (and we then went out for 2 hours) than I am about the window, but I'm obviously not happy about the window.

I immediately confiscated her new stuffed toy from her birthday earlier this week and sent her to her room to gather the rest of her stuffed toys. I don't know what I'm going to do with them, other than remove them from her room for now.

I need a few people who are calmer than I am to suggest some reasonable consequences.

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:42:19

"sticking through the hole" I mean.

bunchoffives Fri 27-Dec-13 14:44:14

Ban her from something she likes for a week? Deduct some money from pocket money?

Why did she throw her hairbrush?

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:45:07

Because she was pissed off that I made her brush her hair before we went out.

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:45:49

And I told her to put it away when she just dumped it on the bench after a minor attempt at brushing.

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:47:58

Just to clarify, in front of the window there's a basket to keep things like hairbrushes, so she probably through it into the basket and it bounced out or in the general direction of the basket. I doubt her intention actually to break the window.

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 14:48:37

Ack, I'm so angry, I'm losing my grip on spelling. Threw, not through it into the basket.

Frikadellen Fri 27-Dec-13 14:51:17

First have a cup of tea and calm down.

I would be furious too but it wont help you decide how to deal with her.

Then sort out the window so it is safe

THEN deal with dd... (let her stew for a bit it wont be as long as it will feel for her)

Can she put some pocket money towards reparing the window? Personally I would not take her stuffed animals away and a serious talk about safety is 100% in order.

If she doesn't get pocket money then perhaps find a chore she has to do every day for x time to help " pay" for the window..

cansu Fri 27-Dec-13 14:51:22

think you are over reacting. She made a mistake. Has she apologised? Have you told her that she really should have told you when she realised the window was broken? Removing her toys is slightly OTT and won't achieve much. If she had done it deliberately it might be different but she basically did it by accident.

RhondaJean Fri 27-Dec-13 14:53:40

Does she have Xmas and or birthday money? If so she halves for the repair with you ( only half as it was already cracked before)

Vintagebeads Fri 27-Dec-13 14:53:43

It sounds like she flung the brush in a temper, missed the basket and hit the window?

As it was cracked it then broke and she thought shit!Then not being a master criminal left the evidence which has since hung her.

I would deduct some money from her pocket money or she looses her TV time but she didn't smash the window in temper by the sounds of things so its not so bad.

On a side note get a bloody tangle tweeser for her hair they are fab.

SilverApples Fri 27-Dec-13 14:53:54

She's 7.
She did something stupid in a temper and broke the window, accidently.
She can hoover, load the dishwasher, tidy up, sort laundry, dust...
Make a tally system, squares to be crossed off, marbles in a jar. Decide how many chores she needs to do to balance the scale.
Punishments work better if they are actively making recompense for the damage/rudeness/PITA behaviour.
Plus you can praise her if she does a job well.

dontwanttobefatandforty Fri 27-Dec-13 14:56:26

It sounds like it was an accident really, my upset would be that she never told you. When you give her her punishment I would make it clear that's it's because she wasn't honest. You have already given a punishment by taking her stuffed toys, I personally would tell her she will get them back in a week. She is only 7 and needs to be punished as a 7yr old.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 27-Dec-13 14:58:35

I would tell her off for throwing things and not telling you about the breakage. After that I'd leave it. It probably only broke because pane was already cracked so don't think you can really blame a 7 year old too much. Then get it fixed.

RunRunRuby Fri 27-Dec-13 14:59:23

You need to follow through really as you've already asked her to collect her toys, you could confiscate them for a few days to punish for not owning up. Does she get pocket money? If so, you could deduct some for a few months to pay towards the replacement window. Otherwise she could do extra chores to pay you back.

AndiMac Fri 27-Dec-13 15:03:48

Yes, as I said, I'm more upset about her not telling me than I am about the actual breakage.

She has plenty of other toys, I just confiscated the stuffed ones. I think I'll get her to give me some of her birthday money, plus do some chores to pay for it. I agree she doesn't have to pay for it all because it was already cracked.

I'll give her stuffed animals back as she does the chores.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Fri 27-Dec-13 15:07:43

I agree with you that it's the failure to tell that's more bothersome than the actual breakage, which, while probably as a result of temper is still likely to be an accident. But still - taking away her stuffed toys for a little bit and making her earn them back is quite a good idea; plus making her put some money out of her own to paying for the window (not all of it, definitely, maybe only a few pounds, depending on the overall cost).

It's never too early to teach them about consequences of temper oubursts.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Fri 27-Dec-13 15:08:10

ouTbursts, obviously. <sigh>

scattyspice Fri 27-Dec-13 15:15:20

I guess she didn't tell you because she thought you'd go nuts. Make it clear that you understand that she didn't mean to break the window but that you wish she'd told you straight away.

scottishmummy Fri 27-Dec-13 15:15:55

She's not told you cause she's only 7yo,doesn't have adult judgement,she scared
She knew you'd be cross. 7yo will panick and say nothing,that's age appropriate reaction
I'm not sure chores and taking toys away is best response. Calmly Talk to her

NearTheWindmill Fri 27-Dec-13 15:16:36

Oh dear, poor loves. You for being cross and her for being silly. Was she too scared to tell you? It sounds like an accident. New home for the brushes, I hope she has a nice soft one.

It's not bad parenting to say you have pover-rreacted and then to explain why. I would give her back her favourite soft toy for today and then she can have one a day once she has brushed her hair nicely and put the brush back oin the brush place.

Plse excuse typos - on phone.

NatashaBee Fri 27-Dec-13 15:17:52

I don't think that confiscating the toys is too bad, now you've done it I'd keep them and give her a date when she can have them back. I would give her a list of tasks she needs to do to pay you back too.

ClangerOnaComeDown Fri 27-Dec-13 15:21:17

Also speak from the safety aspect. Broken glass will cause injures. It needs an adult to clean it up safely and properly.

I had this a bit a go when Ds broke his mirror. He panicked about my reaction and hid the shards under his beanbag chair. This resulted in him cutting his hand quite deeply.

ExcuseTypos Fri 27-Dec-13 15:23:51

I don't agree with all this letting punishments go on for days or weeks.

Yes she broke the window. Yes she didn't own up. But it was an accident. She shouldn't have to 'earn back' her cuddly toys.

Make the punishment end today, whatever it is. It does to need to go on for days, she's 7 for goodness sake.

FariesDoExist Fri 27-Dec-13 15:30:02

It is annoying that she didn't tell you straight away but I expect she was scared to tell you. She was probably going to tell you but didn't realise that it was an 'emergency' issue. I don't think kids think too much about thieves getting into the house or whatever.

My mum went crazy with me when I was about that age and I got felt tip on a duvet cover. Made me petrified of telling her whenever I spilt something/broke something. Don't scare her!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion


Register now