Mistress (lover)

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A mistress is a long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner; the term is used especially when her partner is married. The relationship generally is stable and at least semi-permanent; however, the couple does not live together openly. Also the relationship is usually, but not always, secret. There is an implication that a mistress may be "kept"—i.e., that the lover is paying for some of the woman's living expenses.[1][2]

The word mistress was originally used as a neutral counterpart to mister or master.[3]


Historically the term has denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable (or even lavish) lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she will be available for his sexual pleasure. Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment. In modern times, however, the word "mistress" is used primarily to refer to the female lover of a man who is married to another woman; in the case of an unmarried man, it is usual to speak of a "girlfriend" or "partner." Historically, a man "kept" a mistress. As the term implies, he was responsible for her debts and provided for her in much the same way as he did his wife, although not legally bound to do so. In more recent times, it is more likely that the mistress has a job of her own, and is less, if at all, financially dependent on the man.[4]





In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses but have a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, "maîtresse en titre"), as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour. The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationships being open secrets.[10] Other than wealthy merchants and kings, Alexander VI is but one example of a Pope who kept mistresses, in violation of the celibacy vows required of clergy by the Catholic church.[11] While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life (as George II of England did with "Mrs Howard", even after they were no longer romantically linked), such was not the case for most kept women.[12]



In literature, D. H. Lawrence's work Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper.[15] Until recently, a woman's taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation.

20th century[edit]

During the 20th century, as many women became better educated and more able to support themselves, fewer women found satisfaction in the position of being a mistress and were more likely to be in relationships with unmarried men. As divorce became more socially acceptable, it was easier for men to divorce their wives and marry the women who, in earlier eras, would have been their mistresses. The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, especially the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith, on marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley, declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy."[16]

Male equivalent[edit]

For male mistress, the more general term "lover" can be used, but it does not carry the same implications. "Paramour" is sometimes used, but this term can apply to either partner in an illicit relationship, so it is not exclusively male.

In 18th- and 19th-century Venice, the terms cicisbeo and cavalier servente were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman. Another word that has been used for a male mistress is gigolo, though this carries connotations of payment and prostitution.

In literature[edit]

William Hogarth's A Harlot's Progress, plate 2, from 1731 showing Moll Hackabout as a mistress.

In both John Cleland's Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe's Moll Flanders, as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important.[17][18]

Apologists for the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine; they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress-keeping was an ancient practice that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable.[19] John Dryden, in Annus Mirabilis, suggested that the king's keeping of mistresses and production of bastards was a result of his abundance of generosity and spirit.[20] In its more sinister form, the theme of being "kept" is never far from the surface in novels about women as victims in the 18th century in England, whether in the novels of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson (whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa are both put in a position of being threatened with sexual degradation and being reduced to the status of a kept object).[21]

With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Maryann Evans (better known as George Eliot) defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept."[22][23]

Charlotte Brontë's novel Jane Eyre (1848) presents impassioned arguments on both sides of this question, as Rochester, unable to be free of his insane wife, tries to persuade Jane Eyre to live with him, which she resists.[24]

Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone with the Wind (1936) also implies that Scarlett O'Hara should be the mistress of Rhett Butler, which was thought of as prostitution by Scarlett as she said she would be no better than Belle Walting.

See also[edit]


  1. ^ The Free Dictionary By farlex. "Mistress". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  2. ^ Love-Lessions. "The Role of a Mistress: Is it as Glamorous as it Seems?". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  3. ^ The Free Dictionar By Farlex. "Mistress". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  4. ^ Blurt it. "What Does Mistress Mean?". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  5. ^ Fulbright, Dr. Yvonne K. "FOXSexpert: Is Having a Sugar Daddy Kind of Like Being a Prostitute?". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  6. ^ Derrick, Kiri. "Top 10 Philandering English Monarchs". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  7. ^ Ives, Eric. "Marrying for Love: The Experience of Edward IV and Henry VIII". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  8. ^ Palermo, Martin. "The Three Ravens". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  9. ^ Housman, John E. (1952). British Popular Ballads. Ayer Publishing. pp. 105–106. 
  10. ^ Herman, Eleanor (2005). Sex with Kings: 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry and Revenge. HarperCollins. p. 9. 
  11. ^ NNDB. "Pope Alexander VI". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  12. ^ Pope, Alexander (1871). The works: including several hundred unpublished letters, and other new materials, Volume 7. Murray. p. 106. 
  13. ^ Fielding, Henry (1824). The works of Henry Fielding, with a life of the author, Volume 3. Richards and Co. p. 302. 
  14. ^ Johnson Lewis, Jone. "Catherine the Great". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  15. ^ The Literature Network. "Lady Chatterley's Lover". Retrieved 6 May 2012. 
  16. ^ Rees, Nigel (ed.) Cassell Companion to Quotations (1997) ISBN 0-304-34848-1 There is some dispute about the exact wording. man is not allowed to marry his mistress_5100 Quotesmith has it as "When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity." John Simon's obituary of Goldsmith in the National Review (1 September 1997) says this:

    Women adored him and he adored women. He married three times and had numerous mistresses. (Yet another Jimmyism: 'When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy.') He was loyal, in his own way, to all of them, and all of them were loyal to him. He had eight children by four different women, and never have I seen a more closely knit family.

  17. ^ Cleland, John (1986). Fanny Hill: Or, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. Penguin Classics. ISBN 0-14-043249-3. 
  18. ^ BookRags. "Moll Flanders | Research & Encyclopedia Articles". Retrieved 7 May 2012. 
  19. ^ Baker, D.L. (2009). Tight Fists Or Open Hands?: Wealth and Poverty in Old Testament Law. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing. pp. 151–160. ISBN 9780802862839. 
  20. ^ Dryden, John. "Annus Mirabilis". Retrieved 7 May 2012. 
  21. ^ Richardson, Samuel (1755). A collection of the moral and instructive A collection of the moral and instructive sentiments, maxims, cautions, and reflexions, contained in the histories of Pamela, Clarissa, and Sir Charles Grandison. Printed for S. Richardson; and sold by C. Hitch and L. Hawes. 
  22. ^ Hughes, Annika M. "Mary Ann Evans and George Eliot: One Woman". Retrieved 7 May 2012. 
  23. ^ Liukkonen, Petri. "George Eliot (1819-1880) - pseudonym for Mary Ann Cross, also Marian Evans, original surname Evans". Retrieved 7 May 2012. 
  24. ^ The Great Books Foundation. "Jane Eyre". Retrieved 7 May 2012.