The Voice
Results Show

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C | Grade It Now!
The One with the Wigs

"Man, what a show last night," Carson says soullessly after introducing only Adam and Blake. What does Carson do during the performances? Sleep? Drink? No, he's not interesting enough for either of those. I have a confession to make: I purchased Melanie Martinez's cover of "Cough Syrup" on iTunes, not for the votes but for the music. I've decided she might be the only contestant I'd like to hear on the radio. Her and Nicholas David. Oh, and apparently my iTunes purchase didn't matter this week. Well ... good. I didn't want it to, anyway, ya stupid show. I don't buy my votes, man.

After a review of this week's performances, and how the coaches think everyone is great because their opinions don't matter much anymore, Christina Aguilera's new single premieres, featuring Cee Lo Green. She can't do it alone anymore, ladies and gents. Christina can still sing, though, and I like her Marie Antoinette-inspired costume. Her new single is called "Make the World Move," whatever vague sentiment that is. It sounds a lot like her other stuff, and is sure to keep remaining Christina Aguilera human-fans out there happy. They'll run to the nearest music store and buy that CD.

Christina and Cee Lo lope around the stage, each brandishing a prop from their closets. Christina has a fan, which she has decided is her new trademark, and Cee Lo carries a scepter. The best part is the balloon drop, which is the best part of anything ever. I love a balloon drop, particularly when it's unnecessary or not celebratory in nature. I spend hours rigging a balloon drop just for Fridays in my apartment.

So, it's just about time for the other balloon to drop, but first a "chat" with the coaches. Carson notes that this is the first time America has had complete control, and Adam jokingly says "it sucks" because he doesn't want to relinquish control. I don't think that's a good answer, but I'm sure it's better than whatever Blake would have said. It's just about all we'll hear from Adam tonight, so he had to remind everyone he's still a little brat. Cee Lo, who found the time to change into a surprisingly basic polo shirt, says that some of the artists who are not his stood out, and of course Trevin stood out.

Then, we go to Christina, who changed her outfit but kept her fan, thigh-high boots, and her wig and crown. She's like that girl in high school theater who was always like, "Oh, I don't have time to take my makeup off," after a play, and also kept the sexiest parts of her costume on for a little bit too long. Christina, you had time. We all know you could easily go from one wig to another in a snap.

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