I Don't Understand Anything Anymore (Part 1)

Debra Victoroff

Debra Victoroff
New York, New York, USA
September 11
Warner Brothers
Writer, editor, singer, artist. Still adore Obama. He is brilliant, sincere, unpretentious, classy. A true leader, gazing down, bemused, as the petty GOP contenders claw each other's eyes out like 13 year old girls. The country is poised on the edge of recovery, thanks to his steady hand: unemployment is down, the stock market is up, the car industry is back in business, and banks are paying back the bailout money, with profits going to the government. Bin Laden is dead, and our boys are coming back from Iraq, just as he promised. If only he could get his jobs bill past the obstructionist Republicans, who are willing to destroy the middle class simply to regain power, this country would be back on its feet in no time! So glad there is absolutely no competition for his office. All the sane Republicans know there's not one among them that could handle the most difficult job in the world, so they're in hiding, while their two representatives, Romney (aka Romney-the-Dog-Abuser) and Gingrich (aka Gingrich-the-Wife-Abuser) battle it out.

NOVEMBER 20, 2009 1:09PM

Peruvian Gangs Siphoning Fat From Their Victims

Rate: 13 Flag

This just in:

 Today it was reported in the New York Times (no byline) that a gang in the remote jungles of Lima, Peru has been kidnapping and killing people to siphon off their fat, selling it to cosmetic companies in Europe.

Gang members have told police that the fat was worth $60,000 a gallon. One perpetrator was arrested with a quart of human fat in a soda bottle. 

Although it really sounds like something The Onion would report, it seems to be very likely true, and must be added to my list of things I cannot believe nor comprehend (including Bush's second term, the salaries of the CEOs of failed companies in the U.S. and your shower). 


And my next question is: where do I sign up?  (for the siphoning, not the murder part)  

[I hesitate to make fun of this since human lives were lost - so please look at it as an amazing, yet horrifying tale of human depravity.] 

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
Those crazy ole Peruvians, you'd think they'd make enough money selling those colorful hats. Everyone wants a new llama nowdays.
You'd think the cosmetic company would wonder about this, and the CEO might say, " Hey Bob, we just got another shipment of fat in from Peru. How many has that been this week? Why don't you look into that for me, Bob. Peruvians are usually pretty skinny, aren't they Bob?"
Ronnie = a good point. I was in Peru last month and I didn't see any fat Peruvians. Wait a minute, some of those middle aged ladies in the flared skirts and bowler hats were chubby. But I think human-fat-harvesters would do better in the U.S.

"Cosmetics"? Not soap, one hopes.

(Gad, bark, well I guess I can put off lunch for a while...Between thinking of that and eating guinea pigs. Hey, the guinea pigs are mucho fat... But I guess it's the whatever cachet human has. Question - what did Oprah do with that 90 lbs of fat she got rid of back when?)
This story reminds me of the scene in "Fight Club" where Brad Pitt and Ed Norton are stealing huge bags of fat to make soap that had been liposuctioned at a hospital.
RonnieJenkins - Maybe they should just siphon fat from all those llamas and call it a day?

Stellaa - So it's an international conspiracy! And I do always wonder about that grain of truth that inspires a good folk/fairy tale ("Hansel and Gretel, Three Billy Goats Gruff, Little Red Riding Hood) in which some innocent is threatened by being eaten...

RonnieJ - Now that you mention it, Peruvians are awfully slender lately...

Myriad - Ooh - creepy! Now I see how Oprah has made her fortune: all that gaining and losing, gaining and losing... (LOVED your Travel Advisory!! - wish I had thought to make it my title!!

LittleWillie - Good Lord - I completely forgot about that! Art imitating Life? Which came first?
This didn't bather me at all until someone started talking about Oprah AGAIN !!!
oh liposuckit !
How could you not immediately make a Fight Club connection to this? Crazy.
Hard to believe that would be cost-effective, but who knows . . .
This takes all the glamour out of having lips enhanced by cadaver fat.
60,ooo a gallon? Stop it!
This is freaking dis-tur-bing. However, if you need someone to siphon your fat give me a ring.

Nothing surprises me anymore. What is so special about Peruvian fat, I wonder? Don't they realize that people will pay them to suck their fat out, then they could make money both ways.
If there's money to be made on fat, this horrific practice WILL travel to the U.S. Thanks for the warning!
AlsoKnownAs - Sorry about the "Oprah" reference - I suppose she's an easy target...

Existence - You are so right! A missed opportunity. Darn.

Owl_Says_Who - Those Peruvians are looking at the wrong "bottom line"...

HelloSheLied - Some women on the Upper East Side do have lips that look like asses I have seen on the West Side...

Trig - you devil! You're the first one I'll call if I decide to go ahead with the procedure. At the very least I know you have all the equipment to pull this off - or rather, out.

Ablonde - Genius! The gang accountant ought to be strung up himself for not figuring this out.

DragonLady - You are so right. In fact I'm sure it's going on right now somewhere in LA. (re: the entire cast of "Cougar Town").
either an onion article or a weird horror movie. bizarre man. add to the list of something that sounds like an urban legend buts apparently true. truth stranger than urban legends.
Vzn - Can you believe it? Truth robbed a great headline from the pages of The Onion. Hope that's the first and last time... Thanks for stopping by Vzn!
It's the damned war on drugs to blame. Not enough coke and grass making it across the border, so their all getting into cosmetics. Just like the bailouts, it's all Congress' fault.

Intersting find, you little dickens
Hey Boomer! Yeah, this is what happens when Congress siphons their brains out and applies them to their asses. Good call.
Figures. When will America lead in conservation?

(Yes, I know, murder is terrible, but if they're going kill anyway, why not start with those who leave the biggest carbon footprint?)
Steve - you are always so, so practical. Miss you!