Surprise ... when are children old enough to learn about the facts of life?


Your five-year-old is starting to ask where babies come from. Is she too young for The Talk?

This is what one parent chose to say: "I told my kids, 'the father puts his sperm into an egg that the mother carries and the egg grows into a baby in the uterus until it is ready to come out'. My kids are nine and 11, and neither one of them has ever asked, 'but how does the sperm meet the egg?' I guess my explanation was good enough for now."

Remember, there are wonderful resources available from your library. Investigate an age-appropriate book about our bodies and reproduction. If you freak out, it will only confuse the child and discourage them from asking you other questions.

The Talk will actually be a series of talks over the years, in order for you to convey age-appropriate information.

The key is to keep it simple and only answer as much as the child seems to be asking. For example, you might start by explaining that the mother grows the baby inside her and that there is a special place where the baby comes out when it's ready. From there, you can wait for further questions to determine if the child wants more information.

There's that old joke about the boy who asks his dad, "where did I come from?" and the dad starts sweating as he launches into the speech about birds and bees and love and marriage and so on while the boy looks puzzled and replies, "hmm, Billy's dad says he came from New Jersey".

In other words, make sure you know what your child is asking.

"Where babies come from is one thing," says Betsy Brown Braun, author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents. "What sex is, is actually another thing, and what love is, is quite another thing."

Braun says that parents should jump at the opportunity to talk to their children about any and all of the above. In age-appropriate terms, of course.

"Parents should look at this as a wonderful opportunity to be the one who explains where babies come from rather than having them find out on the playground and possibly get misinformation or have it seasoned in a way they don't want it flavoured."

Braun, who leads birds and bees seminars through her parental consulting service, recommends replying with what she calls the drip method - meaning you offer small, easily understandable answers and wait for follow-up questions to continue over the hours and days (and weeks and years) ahead.

"Start with the basic recipe, which is a part from a male and a part from a female: A sperm from a man joins with an ovum from a woman and grows into a baby'," she recommends. "Then you move on and answer further questions."

No need to launch into how the sperm meets the ovum, why the baby grows where it does, how the baby arrives in the outside world, until your child asks.

"You'll know if they're sated," she says. If not, they'll ask about it again and again until they get the answer they're looking for, she adds.

"Down the road you can worry about the body-maturing part and the love part and the this-is-only-something-two-grown-ups-do-when-they're-done-with-graduate-school part," she says with a laugh. "A very basic thing can become pretty complicated."

Your job is to answer simply and, above all, directly, Braun says.

"Don't avoid it. All children are born with the parts with which they will have sex and make babies. It's already in place, and by not talking about it, you're not going to squelch their curiosity. It's a very natural and inevitable part of life."