Listen to This Drunk Idiot Call 911 About His Broken iPhone

It's unclear whether Illinois moron Michael Alan Skopec was drunk beyond belief or had just returned home from a lobotomy, but either way, he was angry! Why? IPHONE NO WORK. So, naturally, he called 911. Repeatedly. Here are the tapes.

The Smoking Gun got its hands on the pathetic, slurred, semi-coherent pleas for help after police released them to a public eager to laugh at drunk people. "How ‘bout I smash this phone on the floor?," Skopec asks. We wonder—what phone was he calling from? A second iPhone? A landline? Was the iPhone really broken, or had he tried to drink part of it?

After calling a fifth time, asking once more if he should destroy the phone via floor-smash, the 911 operator asks if he'd like some police help with the iPhone, given Apple customer support's failings. "That's pretty strong," Skopec worried, and wondered if it wasn't "a little dumb" for a cop to help with the iPhone. Dumbness was in the air, and as Skopec halfheartedly told the operator to "go to hell," cops were on the way to arrest him for "obstructing/resisting" a police officer, and for being so unbelievably stupid that it risked forming a black hole in the middle of Kendall County, IL.

Enjoy the tapes for yourself, and drink responsibly, or elshu toyuf fucknnnnnnnnnb iphOne mightn itoi DIALING DAMNIT.
