At last - the guinea pig movie we've waited for

Jerry Bruckheimer, the cinematic mastermind who brought the world Top Gun and Armageddon, has outdone himself. His forthcoming epic, which won't be released for three agonising years, is G-Force, a film about a group of guinea-pig commandos working for a government agency to prevent an evil billionaire taking over the world - an idea of such genius that it is a wonder nobody has thought of it before. Bruckheimer told ABC News: "It's half animation, half live action. It's about these special forces guinea pigs, and it's the most adorable picture that I've been involved in."

I don't think they held auditions in London, but if they had, I would have taken my two guinea pigs, Ruby and Pumpkin, along. Predictably, they have gone for Los Angeles guinea pigs, which are probably slimmer and have better teeth.

Until now, few filmmakers have harnessed the guinea pig's talent, charisma and vocal range. Guinea pigs were used in the TV commercials for Egg credit cards, although these were flawed on several levels. Guinea pigs should never be reminded of their role in laboratory research and giving them access to computers, as the "researchers" from Egg did, is a bad idea (like mine, they will try to chew the cables).

In the 1960s children's TV show Tales of the Riverbank, there was a character called GP - an inventor who piloted planes, played by a black-and-white guinea pig (I think it was a black-and-white show), although the part was reprised by a light-brown pig for the later version, who portrayed GP's boastful side brilliantly. A film version is due to be released next year, and features two guinea pigs - GP (voiced by Jim Broadbent) and Al Fresco, an Italian opera singer who runs a flea circus. Like G-Force, this film also tackles the pressing issues - climate change, capitalism and the threat from WMD (that's the waffle, marmalade and doughnut factory).

But the best appearance (so far) by a guinea pig is the wisecracking ginger guinea, Rodney (voiced by Chris Rock), in Dr Dolittle. There can't be many things that beat a guinea pig singing Blowin' in the Wind, as Rodney does. Apart, perhaps, from a guinea pig commando.

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