Kind of Spin Off... At what age?...

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Discipline my child Update with progress

Comments (50)

1 2 3 4 5
Posted 01/15/2013

We count in our house.  YDD will actually scream at me to stop counting lol.  I take their toys away.  That's about the only thing that occasionally helps.  Favorite and beloved toys go in time out.  They hate it.

Posted 01/15/2013

What was her consequence for not following directions while you were on the phone? Loosing dessert is not a logical consequence and not immediate and she has figured it out, she can just have it tomorrow. 



DS '00, DS '03, DS '11

Posted 01/15/2013
I say, she is 5. She is bored. And you are not giving options that impact her.


Posted 01/15/2013
I'm probably in the minority here but I would do 1-2-3 and if I got to three more than once in a day, she would get a stern pop on the rear and be sent to her room for half an hour. The half hour wouldn't start until she had calmed down, btw, because a hysterical child in time out does nothing. They can't reflect on their actions when they are hysterical.
If you are anti-spanking, it is time to pull out the big guns and stick to them. 1-2-3, at 3 she is in her room for half an hour at a time. The first lie out of her mouth means she loses dessert for a week. The second lie means she loses her play date privileges. Etc etc. She is not too young to understand right from wrong.

Good luck.


Posted 01/15/2013

I would stop using food as a reward or punishment.  But that is a personal issue I have.

If she likes to talk to your mom, make her go after you, that way if she can't behave you are going to have to hang up anyway.  It's a more natural consequence.

Line up consequences before the event, if you know there might be an issue.  That saves you from winging it later.

If you don't know what to say, say "I'm really sorry you did that, I need to think of what the consequences are going to be, but I don't want you to worry about it." Then come up with something good and see it out.

If she acts like she doesn't care, don't worry about it.  I have one of those but eventually she figured out that I wasn't going to give in just because she acted like she didn't care.  Two or three times of a consequence she "didn't care about" eventually led to her not doing the thing that ended with those consequences.  The consequences have to be predictable, they have to fit the action and they are often best if presented with some feelings of sympathy. 

When she answers, "I don't know why" that really is the answer, she's 5, thought and deed are often the same thing.  She thinks about pushing something off the table and before she can think about what would happen if she does it, she's already pushed it.  It would be great if you got a cohesive answer, "I pushed it off the table because I wanted to see how gravity worked and what would happen when the fragile object hit the floor." but all she has is "I don't know."

For the lying I'm going to link some articles.   But lying at the age of 5 isn't the same as when you tell a lie.  Everyone lies, everyday and kids see it all the time.  If you ask her flat out if she did something, especially if you are mad, she will lie about it.  It's to save herself and it might also be to save you from being disappointed in her.  When she lied about the cards it might have been because she wished she hadn't put them in her mouth.  Or maybe she is just testing you.  Either way, it's more effective to ignore the lying, address the real issue and praise honesty ever single time.  Let her know you appreciate honesty more than you want to catch her in a lie.







Melissa(SAHM's group )(Pins&Blog)



Posted 01/15/2013
Your child is being loud and obnoxious as soon as your ell her specially not to be. Why is she not going to her room? Even my 3 year old understands that loud and annoying = go somewhere I 'can't' hear him. He stays until he is ready to stop whining, play quietly, ask witho crying, etc.

Your punishment isn't related to the crime whatsoever. Lose desert if you don't eat your dinner. Go away if you can't behave politely. I also spank for hitting, biting, shoving, etc.
Posted 01/15/2013

I have her twin. OMG I could have written your post WORD for WORD. It's actually a little creepy how alike they are. I feel like I am in the twilight zone.

I have yet to find out why DD is so hyper. She also had constipation issues for years and had to take Miralax everyday and she is still dairy-free because it seems to help. Although my DD is not a very good eater and at 5 years old and 44 inches tall she only weighs 34 pounds, which makes her underweight.

At school iIconstanty am told that she is not listening and when I threaten to take something away, she doesn't care. I took her favorite stuffed kitty away for today because she lied to me earlier today and she cried for about 5 minutes and then ran off laughing. She doesn't seem to care that kitty is taken away because she knows she will get her back tomorrow.

She also goes nuts when I am on the phone and she interrupts like crazy.

She will do something and then immediately apologize, like she knows it was wrong. Time-outs don't work and so far neither does taking away toys. I took away another stuffed cat for good and she cried for about 30 minutes and then totally forgot about it. I can't seem to find a discipline method that works. At church they tell me she is so good and perfectly behaved but at school and home not so much.

I will say that DD is advanced and I think when she gets bored she can't control her impulses and doesn't think it through. I am right there with you though. I am reading a book called 'Relational Parenting' but I haven't got very far yet. It is written by a Christian author. It's good so far but I am only on chapter 2.

I will let you know if it helps.



anonofatty · Original Poster
Posted 01/15/2013

I normally don't use food as a punshiment, in fact I am against it.  But, she was so excited about the dessert.  If I put her in her room when I am on the phone, she would just scream and carry on.  To be honest, my LO has been sick for weeks, dh was just out of town and it was nice to talk to an adult, I didn't want to get off the phone.  I know, my issue.  Normally consequences are time outs, she lost a planned bowling trip a few weeks ago, not able to play a game with dh or myself, etc.  If I take a toy away, she just does something else. 

I've tried the "I'm going to be on the phone, what would you like to do while I am talking" and that doesn't work.  She doesn't always want to talk on the phone so that isn't an incentive. 



Posted 01/15/2013

Consequences aren't meant to make a kid sad forever.  If she does X and loses a toy each and every time it will make a difference.  At 5, life is fun for kids.  They lose a toy they get over it and move on.  If you told them you were going to have to live in a box and give all their toys away they would be sad about it for a while and then find 5 great things about living in a box.  Their kids, they are resilient.  The fact they get over it, isn't the point, that just means they are mentally healthy.  What you want them to learn is that if X happens, Y happens.  Eventually when you have no toys left, Y sucks enough not to do X any longer.  If she knows that as long as she doesn't care, you'll just move on to the next punishment, then who is getting trained?  And don't just give the item back, let her earn it back.  Make a behavior chart and after 2 stars she gets to pick a toy she lost.  Make it easy to earn stars, praise the behavior you want.  But be consistent in consequences no matter how she reacts.


Melissa(SAHM's group )(Pins&Blog)



Posted 01/15/2013

I'm not a mom but I'm a teacher. Here's what I would do with one of my 6 year old students if I were in that scenario. Give her a warning: "I'm going to get on the phone in just a minute. If you interrupt me, you're going outside." When she interrupts, take her hand, lead her out the back door, and lock her outside. Devil It won't hurt her but she'll learn a lesson quickly. Someone else mentioned Love and Logic and that comes directly from that book. 

With putting things in her mouth, I'd say, "If you put those cards in your mouth again, we're putting the game away." Then when she puts the cards in her mouth, put it away. Short and sweet and you don't have to feel mean because she knew it was coming.


Megan (28)

Mom to Emeline stillborn on 4/17/12 and 3 early m/c. After ttc for 14 months, we are expecting a rainbow boy 12/2/14!

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