Robbie Rogers ends insane year with activism and support replacing fear

USA winger says reaction to his coming out was opposite of what he expected and he now helps others overcome prejudice
Robbie Rogers
Robbie Rogers: 'Most of what I feared hasn’t happened. It’s been quite the opposite, with nothing but support and love.' Photograph: Tom Jenkins for the Guardian

Robbie Rogers is sitting in a first-floor suite at the Soho Hotel in London, the bar downstairs buzzing with Christmas parties in full swing, mulling over how best to describe his year. At one stage he had feared it might be terrifying. It was always going to be ground-breaking, although in the end he might have plumped for revelatory if the word did not sound quite so self-important.

"Insane," he says. "The whole year's been absolutely insane. Nothing I'd expected has happened. Most of what I feared hasn't happened either. It's been quite the opposite, with nothing but support and love from friends, team-mates, family."

It is safe to assume Rogers is in a better place now. It was actually in November 2012 when the USA forward, then contracted to Leeds United United but on loan at Stevenage Borough, came out to his family.

He had retired from the game by the time he chose to tell the world in February, via a post on his own website, which liberated him from "hiding such a big secret". When he first spoke to the Guardian in March he admitted he had felt compelled to leave professional football before making an announcement he could not have issued while still playing for Leeds, Columbus Crew or "any club – anywhere". He doubted he could ever venture back into the game and had no appetite for "the circus" that would surround him if he did. His future, he suspected, would be in the world of fashion.

Things have not quite worked out as he envisaged. Rogers returns to Elland Road on Saturday as a guest of the Yorkshire club but also as a player with Los Angeles Galaxy in Major League Soccer and an ambassador for Beyond "it", an anti-discrimination initiative seeking to raise money and awareness for nonprofit organisations fighting labels and stereotypes in society. A 26-year-old who had initially been uncomfortable as a role model has turned activist in recent months. If there was a sense of regret that Rogers had felt the need to leave the game before making his announcement, his status as the only openly gay male athlete in a prominent North American professional sport has made waves.

The route back began when he spoke to 500 gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teenagers in Portland, Oregon, in April, an event that left the émigré from the game feeling "like a coward". "In the end they were encouraging me more than me helping them," he recalls. "That's really why I went back. I'm still happy I did it the way I did. I got to step away from it a little bit, on my own terms, but I did miss the game and saw an opportunity not just to talk the talk but to play football and make a statement. People ask me whether other footballers are going to come out and since I'm on the other side it's easy for me to say: 'Yeah, of course', and have that confidence to say everyone will support them.

"I almost have to remind myself how hard things were, how miserable and sad I was before. Just because I've had such a great year, full of positivity … so I did feel a responsibility. This week I spent time with the Belgian football federation and speaking with GQ magazine in Germany, and they were looking for a footballer to answer questions on this matter.

Link to video: Robbie Rogers: 'It will take time for more gay footballers to come out'

"They didn't have anyone else they could turn to because I'm the only footballer so far who's come out. Last year I was hoping that by this time there would be other athletes who would feel comfortable to come out.

"Even when Jason Collins came out in the NBA [in April] I thought it might start a bit of a movement. But it didn't. I've not had a single message, phone call or email from another gay footballer since I was out. It just goes to show how deep the problem is. If there's that much fear and the atmosphere is not so supportive … "

He has since seen Tom Daley, the British Olympic diver, take to YouTube to reveal he is in a relationship with a man, making the announcement to "put an end to all the rumours and speculation". "I don't know if I've helped people like Tom but I do know I've helped other kids," says Rogers.

"I've worked with kids in California, kids who have been suicidal. A lot of these people feel they're so alone but they can connect with my story. When I was growing up I didn't have anyone who was gay to look up to. Maybe these guys can follow in my footsteps. That was never my plan. Not at all. Obviously I had no plan to go back to football or be a spokesperson of any kind but, on the other hand, I'm happy people can see there's been a happy ending to my story and that they can connect with it."

Returning to professional football felt possible only with Galaxy. Rogers has a special affinity with London – "the city where I really found myself, where I discovered who I really am" – but had craved Los Angeles, where his parents live in nearby Huntington Beach. He had trained with the club as a teenager, undertaken rehabilitation there after breaking his ankle at Leeds and knew the manager, Bruce Arena, who had watched the winger emerge through the US junior representative ranks while he oversaw the senior set-up.

In May, after a period training with Galaxy, Chicago Fire transferred his MLS rights in exchange for the LA striker Mike Magee and on 26 May Rogers came off the bench in a 4-0 victory over Seattle Sounders and returned to the professional game. "At first it was scary," he says. "I was scared just to go back to train. My experience of locker rooms in the past … things I'd previously heard had scarred me.

"That made me nervous but they've been very supportive. The guys are definitely more sensitive when I'm in the locker room. In that environment people aren't really aware what they're saying all the time. They might describe a couch, for example, as being 'gay', so sometimes you'll hear comments. They're not being homophobic and they won't even be talking to me. It'll just be a stream of consciousness. I'm not sensitive to that stuff any more.

"It's more stuff that I heard in the past at other clubs that affected me: like conversations about how someone could even be gay. How could someone be in love with another man? That affected me more. I'm not dumb. I realise when something is malicious."

It was an indication of the acceptance within the dressing room that in a Miami restaurant last August Rogers found himself comfortable enough to answer some of his team-mates' questions. "There were about six of us, an eclectic group with some guys who'd played in World Cups and others in their early 20s, and I could talk through my experiences, whether going to a gay that.

"The guys who are a bit clever catch on and realise: 'Shit, Robbie's first date was when he was 25, his first relationship. That's really messed up but really interesting.' Then they ask questions. It's important to have that kind of education in a locker room.

"With opponents the MLS is a small world. I've probably played with a lot of the guys on every team, whether for clubs or the national side, but I get people coming up and wishing me luck. I still find it strange when they say: 'Congratulations for coming out and being gay.' Sometimes I'll even get a 'thank you' after a game and I'm there thinking: 'I wonder if he's saying thank you because he's gay or if he's saying thank you on behalf of other people in his life.'

"That's happened a few times, which is kind of interesting. For the most part the supporters have been great, too. When we played at Portland Timbers they had a big banner for me [reading "Timbers Army in Solidarity with Robbie Rogers" and draped over a hoarding at Jeld-Wen Field]. Sometimes I'll be in stadiums and hear 'a comment' from one person, who'll then hide. That's inevitable. It's going to happen in every country but 95% of it is positive – so positive I sit there and wonder why no one else is doing this … It would be nice if they did."

Yet he accepts the reaction in the US would contrast markedly with that if he had returned as a player to this country. He recounts a story where he and another Leeds substitute, the Finland international Mikael Forssell, were warming up on the touchline as visiting players when a Finnish national supporting the home team started abusing the striker. "Mika is like the David Beckham of Finland but he was calling him everything under the sun, destroying a national hero. He looked like he wanted to kill him and his son was standing there next to him while he did it.

"It just shows how crazy the fans can get in this country. I love that there's a tradition, history and passion around the sport but I can't understand why a full stadium would chant homophobic slurs when Brighton come into town. It's 2013, gay people can get married in the UK. It's a great place to live but football is sometimes left in the Stone Age. It's so far behind."

Initiatives such as Beyond "it" may help in time and their partnership with Leeds is innovative and impressive. For Rogers the close season has been frantic, taking in whistle-stop tours of Europe to front the organisation's message. In mid-January he will be back in pre-season in Los Angeles seeking to make his mark after injuries nullified his comeback campaign, limiting him to 11 scoreless appearances.

There appears little immediate chance to add to his 18 international caps before the World Cup finals. Indeed there has been no contact with Jürgen Klinsmann since Rogers sent him an email earlier this year confirming his intention to retire. "I've known Jürgen since I was 14 but I haven't spoken to him, so I don't even know what his plans are or how he feels about everything. But it's been two years since I played for the national team, so it would be unrealistic to consider Brazil. In truth I'm just looking forward to my first full season back.

"There have been times this year when I've been trying to get over injuries and I've been overwhelmed by what I've taken on. The mental rollercoaster I've been on had taken a toll on my body but the importance of what I'm doing or Jason Collins is doing or Tom Daley is doing … it's not a sacrifice but it's something you have to do. To look at the bigger picture, eventually we won't have to talk about it because it will be accepted. That has to be the ideal: that it's no longer an issue at all."

Robbie Rogers launches his Beyond "it" campaign in the UK this week in partnership with Leeds United. The club are the campaign's flagship European supporter and will actively promote the Beyond "it" message within the ground on Saturday and in the local community through the Leeds United Foundation.

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