I think you would like this font, should you ever read this. It's elegant. You were always elegant in my mind. I don't know how a guy is elegant but you always were. You were Spike; simple as that. It'll be six months since you've been gone. Six months since I've seen your face, heard you laugh, or tease me. Heard you scold me, or try and get me to do something stupid. I'm scared. I want you to come back so bad and yet I'm scared. I'm different, Spike, I'm not little Dawnie anymore. I've changed and grown up and for a while I was a much better person. But awhile always ends doesn't it? You were my best friend. My best friend, who was taken away from me. Everyone leaves, you see, it's a thing in my life. Make me love you, and then leave me. You could have come home, but you didn't. Maybe you forgot about me, maybe I'm just some stupid little girl from your other life. Maybe your Mr. Polo shirt guy now and are reading this with all your country club friends who are laughing at how pathetic I sound. Or maybe I'll never give this to you. Maybe it will be my secret diary. My letters to you. Life is different since you left. Really different. None of us are together anymore. Will and Kennedy are in New York, Buffy's in Italy, and Xander's brooding so much he'd give Angel a run for his money. I'm alone, again. Because your gone, like everyone else. I just want one more Spike

hug. Just one more. I have such fears that if you came back you'd hate me. You'd hate this thing that I've become. I'm a thing now. I don't feel, I'm numb all over. I hope you're happy. I hope when you think back on me, you remember the good me not the bad. You remember our insane antics during the commercials when Passions was on? I start school tomorrow. I don't know what it will be like without you. I don't remember your face anymore. Pictures aren't the same. They aren't you. Maybe I've created a made up person in my head, and you never existed. Maybe wherever you are you think I don't care. I still have your duster, you know? I still curl up in it at night and pretend everything's ok. I don't care. I don't care how damn dramatic it was I want to turn back time. I want to go back, back to when I could change all this.

Back to when I wasn't dead inside.

I love you, Spike.