A/N: Now I know I haven't posted anything on Woo Woo Woo in a while, mostly because not much has happened. But you've got two new stories coming. This section is just a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes that get texted to me twice a day, every day. They come from ChaCha, that thing that answers questions for you.

Chuck Norris Jokes 1

- Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.

- If the coach had subbed Chuck Norris in the fourth quarter, they would have won State. No doubt about it.

- G.I. Joe was originally called G.I. Chuck Norris, but Hasbro thought it would have scared small children.

- Remember the Soviet Union? They quit the Cold War and gave peace a chance after they watched a

DeltaForce marathon.

- Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from space by the naked eye.

- Chuck Norris also played the black guy in Walker Texas Ranger. (Racist America anyone?)

- Chuck Norris is considered a prime number in some schools in Ontario.

- Chuck Norris invented the Internet so people could talk about how great he is.

- Chuck Norris won the Crusades by T.K.O.

- If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, check the extinct species list.

- Scientists have recently concluded that after a nuclear war, cockroaches and Chuck Norris would be the only


- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he refuses the syringe. Instead, he asks for a handgun and a


- Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sandpaper.

- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square before Chuck Norris roundhouse kick one of the

corners off.

- Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him30 seconds.

- Chuck Norris' beard has a representative in Congress.

- Some people have pepperoni on their pizzas. Some people have mushrooms. Chuck Norris has Venezuela.

- Upon arriving on the moon, Neil Armstrong caught a 382,500 km. touchdown pass from Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. That horse's descendants are today known as giraffes.

- Chuck Norris bends time and space to jump rope with it.

- Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

- The sun rises and sets when Chuck Norris tells it to.

- Some kids like to pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris pees his name into concrete.

- Chuck Norris once devoured an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

- Chuck Norris always wins at Monopoly because if he lands on your property, it's his.

- Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper. He pooped out origami swans and a little bitty Mr.


- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls, but he just walked the whole way.

- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

- Chuck Norris once took a very large dump. That dump is known as Mt. Everest.

- If Chuck Norris were a country, its chief export would be pain.

- Jimmy Hoffa isn't dead; he just owes Chuck Norris five bucks.

- Chuck Norris remembers the Alamo, and he's not happy about it.

- Dead ringer is the term to describe the guy sitting behind Chuck Norris at the movies when his phone goes


- Chuck Norris can fit five billiard balls in his mouth.

- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

- Mike Tyson's face tattoo and Chuck Norris' boots share the same pattern. Coincidence?

- If you stare at the American flag long enough, a 3D image of Chuck Norris pops up.

- Chuck Norris once had a date with Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles eternally.

- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

- There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

- Chuck Norris has a Wrangler belt in karate.

- Most hospitals in Texas are also known as 'Chuck Norris Recovery Centers.'

- Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.