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A Web 2.0 Christmas Fairy Tale


Lazy blinking of Christmas lights, burning wood crackling in the fireplace, the soft sound of snow falling on the ground: this is the time of year when it really seems that wishes could come true. What if they could? What if the world of web startups could be magically transformed in 2008; all of its problems gone, and all of our secret wishes fulfilled? Let's take a trip down the imaginary landscape of a perfect 2.0 world.

free moneyFirst of all, when web entrepreneurs wake up on January 1st, they'll all be profitable. Even those that don't actually have any business plan whatsoever (read: most of them) will have their inboxes buried in PayPal donations from happy users. On the other hand, all those users who were so used to their free lunch that they couldn't bear the thought of paying anything will suddenly start whipping out their credit cards and paying for upgraded versions of their favorite services.

Of course, as soon as they see cashflow galore, the VCs swarm in once again with crazy valuations, begging kids in camo pants with two MySpace widgets under their belts to take their money. Got a service with 17 users, no business plan, zero experience and a cool idea that you might implement later this year if you find the time between frat parties and smoking pot? Here's one million dollars, and don't spend it all in one place.

This phenomenon immediately results in a 100% increase in Dell's sales of their 30'' monitors, as well as a 10% rise of Apple's stock, since iPhones are recklessly given away to all startup employees on every possible occasion.

    dell expenses

Privacy concerns suddenly disappear. Google stops hoarding your personal data; hell, even the government stops doing it. Everyone moves all their data online and ditches all desktop software for cooler, lighter, online versions.

In some magical and inexplicable way, Digg users learn proper grammar and punctuation overnight, forcing the grammar police into early retirement. Redditers stop voting up only Ron Paul and XKCD stories; all tweets suddenly become insightful, intelligent and revelatory; Facebook apps become useful; MySpace profiles start adhering to web standards; and the RIAA and MPAA decide to let anyone use their content for free, provided they send a postcard to their office, effectively turning all music and movies ever created into "postcardware".

riaaAll ISPs start giving BitTorrent bonus points to those users who manage to leech the most data, which they can trade for ice cream and transformers figures in local malls. Net neutrality is strictly adhered to except on BitTorrent Day, a special day in the year when corporate customers get their bandwidth reduced to let the BitTorrent users leech 20% more stuff.

And finally, the increased income from donations prompts web sites and services to remove all ads, replacing them with random episodes of Dilbert and Penny Arcade.

Everyone is allowed to dream, right? Time for me to finally go offline and wish you all a merry Christmas (;.

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