

Every night for a whole semester, I would wait until you fell asleep and then I would cut a bit of your hair using thinning scissors. I told you smoking as much weed as you did would cause you to start going bald. Thanks for quitting.
Jesse Flores, Virginia

My roommate was a good guy but he had some bad vices. I ended up loaning him 1500 dollars for school. He never paid me back when I ended up needing it. I went into our apartment and took everything that could be worth money whether it was mine or his but leaving his pot and his gun. I took everything to my parents' house and put it in storage. I went back to the apt and broke the front door lock. I told him we had been robbed but he did not want to call the cops because his drugs but more so because the gun he had was a class 3 weapon and he did not have a permit which is a federal crime. I had to pretend I was pissed not to report it. After our contract ended and we parted ways I pawned off all of his shit and got my money back plus a lot of extra. Sorry I hope we can still be friends, but seriously you scare the living sh*t out of me.
Jon Lafay, School Not Given

Hey Kristin, remember how you're a huge bitch all the time? Or what about how you use all my dishes and never clean them? Or better yet, the time I awoke from a wondrous sleep to find you urinating all over the floor next to my bed? Do you recall that it was on a power outlet? You know, the one my camera charger was plugged into; the one the cost $70 to replace and you refused to pay for BOTH times you peed on it. Well, that $140 worth of damage clearly didn't go to your head. Lucky for you though, I've been replaying the incident on my own in your shampoo bottle for the past 2 months. Happy showering.
Beth D., School Not Given

Dearest Mafia Princess, I know you won't read this because you don't know how to read but I figured I'd share this with you anyway. Remember when you would go home every weekend and my friends would come visit? Well, in case you don't let me remind you. They slept in and had sex in your bed all the time, they used your towels in the shower. We wore you clothes out to clubs and bars and got them sweaty and dirty and covered in spilt alcohol and would put them back in the closet. We wore your designer shoes and perfumes; used your hair products and deodorants. My friend M.G. wore one of your bras and got it disgusting, then put it back in the drawer and you wore it the following day. I stole all your shit all the time and you had no idea. And to top it off, when I left, I left you a mouse and rotting food! Hope you enjoyed the time we spent together. I know I did!
Love always,
Your ex-roommate, who isn't full of herself, like someone we know who has an entire wall covered in their high school senior picture.
ZC, School Not Given

Remember last week when you walked out of the bathroom after I was in there for a half an hour and yelled at me for blowing my nose in your face towel? Yeah, well if only you knew it wasn't really snot. Hope you had fun washing about 500,000 of my future children all over your face. Don't slam the door when you go lift weights at 5 A.M.
Darryl Philbin, Winona State

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