'Cockneys vs. Zombies'

Alan Ford (L) and Honor Blackman (R) in "Cockneys vs. Zombies." (Handout / July 31, 2013)

You don't call a movie "Cockneys vs. Zombies" because you yearn for cinematic subtlety. Matthias Hoene's feature film debut is the umpteenth infection in the undead epidemic rampaging through pop culture. And it's all that the title implies: brash East Enders gone Mum and Dad over a right goppin' bunch of flesh-eatin' nutters, whose Khybers need kickin', mind you!

You don't need a cockney rhyming slang dictionary, however, to grasp that young bank robbers Andy (Harry Treadaway), Terry (Rasmus Hardiker), and Katy (Michelle Ryan) suddenly find themselves in the midst of a zombie outbreak (for which their guns prove handy). Or that besieged old age pensioners — including geezer-gangster staple Alan Ford — having to ward off equally slow zombies is a joke that grows old quickly. The gore-comedy genre already boasts two classics in Peter Jackson's "Braindead" and the spoofy homage "Shaun of the Dead." So there's little that feels fresh, freaky or funny about one more batch of eccentric reactions to hungry corpses, one more attempt to creatively splatter, one more metaphor for zombie invasion.

"Cockneys vs. Zombies" might as well be "Babies vs. Zombies" or "Cats vs. Zombies" — strictly for addicts who don't care where their undead fix comes from.


"Cockneys vs. Zombies"

MPAA rating: None.

Running time: 1 hour, 28 minutes.

Playing: At Laemmle Music Hall, Beverly Hills.