I'm Answering Some of the Most Common (And Invasive) Questions Asked of Disabled People

"I’m not sure why people confuse a wheelchair with a chastity belt."

Madison Lawson in her wheelchair.
Tony Huynh

In this op-ed, Madison Lawson talks about the questions she's asked because she's disabled, and why she wants to answer them on her new podcast.

If you found my old Tinder profile, you’d then know that yes, I can have sex. It read, “Yes Curious George I can have sex, sounds like your disability is lack of creativity if you feel compelled to start a conversation asking this question. I am the combination of putting Barbie and a Transformer in a blender. Looking for a relationship, not a hookup. So, if that’s not what you’re into swipe left because it’s rude to stare.” It’s not that I necessarily wanted to advertise it, but people ask me whether or not I can do it so much that I had to put a disclaimer. People with disabilities having a sex life is a topic taboo to most for reasons unknown to me. I am literally just a person sitting down so I’m not sure why people confuse a wheelchair with a chastity belt.

My name is Madi Lawson and I am a 21-year-old journalism student. I have a rare form of muscular dystrophy and use a wheelchair and oxygen, which is why my Tinder profile also said I am part Transformer. Having ventured into the tinder-sphere in the past, I knew there were socially constructed misconceptions about disability and relationships. Growing up, I never questioned myself when it came to relationships. My mom always called me “boy-crazy” and said I needed to date a big strong football player so that he could carry me. With my friends, I was always right there with them talking about all the of the complexities of my various teenage crushes. I understood that things would be a little different for me, but every relationship has its challenges, so on a scale of obstacles I have to overcome, I never saw dating as one of them.

Being a pink-haired girl in a wheelchair, or what I like to call a “rolling novelty,” it isn’t uncommon for people to ask me questions about my life. It seemed run-of-the-mill when another journalism student asked me a multitude of questions for a project on something that is unfamiliar to them. But this time something different happened. “I’m supposed to ask you the obvious question,”the student said. When I didn’t know what the obvious question was they said, “I’m supposed to ask you about your sex life.”

That was the single moment that really made me realize how “otherized” disabled bodies are in the mainstream. It made me realize how many people are misinformed about people with disabilities and what they believe we are capable of.

I’m supposed to ask you about your sex life.

In the fall of my junior year I met Rebecca Smith, who I call “Becky,” health reporter for the local public radio station KBIA. During an interview, we bonded over lipstick and our passion for disability advocacy. We talked about a variety of issues that we noticed when it comes to disabled bodies being perceived in public and she told me she had an idea: She wanted to do a podcast exploring a variety of topics through the lens of somebody who has a disability.

We spent the past few months in a recording booth documenting a year of my life into a podcast and addressing a few topics that a younger and more vulnerable version of myself surely would have appreciated.

The first topic we covered was love, sex, and dating, and the complexities associated when disability is involved — or I guess more the illusion of complication that society assumes exists. I interviewed a close friend of mine who uses a wheelchair and her boyfriend, and we get up close and personal about their experiences. We cover everything you might have wanted to know about disability and dating, and even potentially some things you didn’t want to know.


We continue the episodes with topics like friendship, answering the common question, “People with disabilities can have friends?” which is sometimes confusing for strangers. In this episode, we discuss the complexities of crossing personal relationships with the role of caregiving. I talked to my two roommates who were randomly selected for the school year and you hear about what it was like for them to be up close and personal with a wild unicorn they now call their friend. You also get to hear from my best friend who is the sun, moon, and all the stars in my universe, and was also my main caregiver for the past three years, Jessica King. When I first went away to school my plan was to fall in love, and that’s exactly what I did— but not in the way that I thought I would. I fell in love with my best friend who, in return, taught me to love myself.

Other topics explored answer questions about how I get my hair done at a salon, what the fashion industry can do to be more inclusive of disabled bodies, and even an elementary school favorite — how I use the bathroom. We finish off the podcast with a look at mental health and the topic of disability and the more vulnerable side that not a lot of people get a close look at. When people look at a person who has a disability, it’s a common misconception that their life is sad and if they do seem sad it must be because they’re disabled. For the most part I don’t really get sad about my disability all that often. I never wake up in the morning sad because I can’t walk or mourning my lungs that don’t breathe so well on their own anymore. I don’t expect my body to do things that I know I can’t do anymore. I get sad because boys can be stupid, or because I am stressed over an exam, or because there simply are never enough hours in a day.

A major goal of the podcast is to address some topics unfamiliar to people who don’t have disabilities so they they can have their questions answered, hopefully realizing that we’re not all that different. While I do want people to feel comfortable talking to people with disabilities about the topics I discussed, I want them to understand that you have to do so respectfully. Just because I opened up about a lot of personal subjects doesn’t mean that you can just ask any person with a disability about their sex life. Talk about these subjects in context with how you would literally talk to anybody else about it. When thinking about whether or not it is appropriate to ask these questions, think, would I ask an able bodied person this same question? If the answer is no, it’s too invasive and you’re probably approaching the subject in an unintentionally offensive way.

Ultimately this journey of creating this podcast has taught me a lot about myself and the people who are closest to me. It’s given me a chance to reflect on my personal experiences and document the ideals that make me who I am. It’s intimate and vulnerable and personal in ways that you might have never heard a person with a disability talk about before. When I meet someone, usually their opinions of things change a lot after they’re enlightened by the experiences we share once I enter their life. Like Jessica says in the podcast, “You shouldn’t have to meet and fall in love with a person just to want to fight for them to have the same rights as you do.”

So, get ready to ugly cry, but not because you feel sorry for me. I am not a sob story, unless you define a sob story as one that makes you laugh so hard that you cry. But mostly, get ready to think about disability in ways you might never have thought about it before.

Related: Why Sex Education for Disabled People Is So Important

