Announcing the new book(s)!



 What He Wants: His Seven Secret Spanking Desires
















  1. I don't suppose this post might mean you may come back to regular blogging? I read a lot of blogs over time back when, buts yours above anything else influenced me to actually bring up the subject of domestic discipline to my partner, since you provided a refreshing view from a progressive and feminist point. Suffice to say my life and our relationship improved immensely because of it

  2. Thanks for the compliment!

    I think for me the problem is that I don't think in regular increments required to maintain a blog. I tend to be a spurt writer, which lends itself more to the occasional book.

    But I'd like to try to blog more again -- part of it is coming up with topics. Maybe readers could suggest topics, which might help inspire posts!


  3. Just discovered your blog. Very interesting. I love and appreciate your honesty. I'll be following closely.

  4. I like you have come from an abusive relationship. Im in a 15 year relationship with a wonderful man who never raises his hand to me. I am not the perfect person and have disrespect issues, ive been dishonest to get what I want, I throw tantrums I get emotional and all rational gets thrown out the window. Ive been looking into dd for a few months. Trying to do my homework on this. I started to talk to him about this then I read something on a different blog and started running scared. I'm hoping maybe you could help me with this. The site I was on was the spanked wifes photo blog. The topic was the difference between a maintenance and a discipline spanking. Is this really what dd is or is this domestic violence hiding behind dd. I really want to try this but to me that looked a little to harsh. I'm confused because you read how it brings people closer together whereas after reading that and seeing the pics on there I don't think i'd be able to not be afraid after something like that. For years we have had spanking for play but if that is real then I don't think that would be for me. Whats your thought on this? Thankyou for any light you can shine for me on this topic. I feel like i'm drowning in darkness and don't know where to turn.

  5. Unknown Darkness,

    There is a big difference between DD and abuse (see what I think is the very first post on this blog). DD shouldn't scare you in a way that feels unsafe. Just like parental discipline for a child shouldn't scare the child, but should make the child feel safe and loved and cared for, that's how a good DD relationship works, too.

    A lot of what you see on the web in terms of photos, etc. like on Spanked Wives is porn, not real DD, and it's intended mostly for men who are not specifically into DD, but rather into harder-core stuff.

    DD can be anything you want it to be, as long as you have a partner you love and trust and can communicate with.

    If you want to talk more, feel free to email me at


  6. Anonymous17:27

    If you have been together for 15 years, you probably know if you feel safe with him or trust him. This is, I would think, a very safe situation. He is not someone who has been just dying to hit his woman for no good reason. My husband did not come into our relationship wanting to spank me. And when I told him I wanted a traditional relationship he just about drove the car off the road. It took him years to get used to punishing me. So, because of that, I never worried that he was going to go overboard. What he does like is the power it gives him to stop me when I'm behaving badly. In our case, I think it was he who was in abusive relationships in the past, where his girlfriends would go hysterical all over him and he felt powerless to do anything about it. Now he sends me to my room -- or out to the car -- the minute I start to sound disrespectful and he feels empowered for the first time.

    If you are able to communicate your needs to your partner and you know that he listens and cares, then you probably don't have to worry that his spanking you will become abusive. When my husband spanks me, he doesn't ask me which paddle I want, or when to stop, but he does pay attention to what I'm going through. He knows the difference between humiliated crying and 'oh, wait, I think something is not right.'

    He is a fair minded person and I am always secure in that even when I think I'm right and he's wrong. The most "abuse" that I have to endure, then, is sometimes getting a spanking when I was sure I was right! That can be humiliating, but I weigh it against the happiness we both have in our relationship and I think the occasional "wrongful punishment" (my opinion) is not such a bad price to pay. He is so amazed that I will obey him that I confess I get some vicarious enjoyment from it.

  7. Anonymous08:43

    To Unknown darkness,

    I am the author of aspankedwifesphotoblog (and I also read this blog :)). I read your reaction to my husband's way of disciplining me. In truth, my husband has crawled into DD from the slightest pats on my bottom to where we are today (which is different from where we were when that post was written).

    He is adapting to my needs while I am adapting to his. We talk and talk and talk and talk some more so as to understand each other and our needs as we grow in DD and our relationship.

    Yes, my husband is strict with discipline spankings but that's because it's what I need and what I have asked for.

    On the other hand he never spanks me for anything unless it is a glaring issue like it will just about kill either one of us. We're working on that.

    The bottom line about DD is that each couple adapts to the needs of each other. Each couple is different and so are their needs. NEVER compare yourself to others. Learn what you can that fits your needs from others. That's what we do.

    You may want to see my newest post which is about abuse vs DD in a relationship.