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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

BREAKING: George Zimmerman REMOVED From Smash 4!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV exclusive! Looks like he broke his contract.

We first brought you the exclusive-to-KoopaTV trailer of American hero George Zimmerman's Super Smash Bros. For Wii U & Super Smash Bros. For 3DS announcement back in April 2014. Since then, George Zimmerman has rarely, if ever, appeared in the saviour-to-Nintendo game's "Pic Of The Day" series hosted by Masahiro Sakurai every weekday on Miiverse. But it's not like we see Diddy Kong or Captain Olimar in those on a monthly basis either, so that's pretty normal.

What is most certainly abnormal is Mr. Zimmerman's behaviour since his trailer. Since then, he has met the ire of the nation of North Korea, lost a civil suit against NBC for defaming his character (meanwhile, we'll continue to refame it in these pages), became homeless, and then became a security guard without anyone asking him to. While the homeless part may be apparently normal according to Rick Santorum's "Obamaville" future (although that was thoroughly discredited by KoopaTV), everything else is much larger than life. Which fits, because George Zimmerman is now a videogame character thanks to Masahiro Sakurai and Super Smash Bros. 4! He's just playing his role.

...Or he would be. But we've just received word that George Zimmerman is not in Super Smash Bros. For 3DS OR Super Smash Bros. For Wii U. And he won't be in as DLC, either. (Good, we hope there aren't any DLC characters.)

Why? He broke his contract. Details below...!

George Zimmerman, on September 9, allegedly threatened the life of Matthew Apperson in Lake Mary, Florida in an incident of road rage. Mr. Zimmerman allegedly was driving with another Hispanic passenger, and pulled his window down to say he would kick Mr. Apperson's explicative, and shoot him. While we know Mr. Zimmerman is poor at punching and kicking, he is quite good at shooting, so this is a threat to take seriously.

The next day, George Zimmerman posted this on Twitter:
We take this to mean that George Zimmerman was referencing his encounter with Mr. Apperson.

This is clearly disturbed behaviour, but it gets worse. (Allegedly.)

According to the Orlando Sentinel (police video included), George Zimmerman was at Mr. Apperson's office complex on September 11. Mr. Zimmerman claimed he was there to just buy something and the fact Mr. Apperson worked there is a coincidence. Regardless, police caught up to Zimmerman and... ended up shaking his hand.

Lake Mary police shake George Zimmerman's hand.
The fated handshake. (Not alleged.)
Despite these only being allegations and with no charges being filed, this was enough for Sakurai to break his contract with George Zimmerman. While George Zimmerman can clearly be heard at the end of his trailer declaring, "You're gonna die tonight, motherfucker!" his contract stipulated that any threats on a specific person's life were not allowed. He was also restricted to just that phrase. (It was going to be his Down Taunt.)

So, that's that. He got cut. Along with the Ice Climbers. We think it's unfair. He was relying on those royalty checks from Nintendo to get him out of his homelessness! Zimmerman only threatened to kill someone and he's out of the game! Meanwhile, that plumber gropes Goombas and engages in GENOCIDE on a massive scale, and he gets to be playable in the DEMO.

It's not like Zimmerman ACTUALLY killed anyone!

...Oh, uh, besides that. We mean, SINCE his contract!

At least we still can play as him with Mii Fighter. Now then, Mii Brawler or Mii Gunner...?

KoopaTV staff member Rawk will be supplying Ludwig's Miis for Super Smash Bros. 4. Meanwhile, Follow the KoopaTV Twitter @TheREALKoopaTV! George Zimmerman Follows it too!

Even though Zimmerman isn't in the game, we still think he should get it.
Matthew Apperson strikes again. Literally, he shot Zimmerman.


  1. So while I'm being a dork and creating Swordsmen Mii Fighters of my favorite prosecutors.....


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