Cardinals keys for a successful season

After last nights victory over the St Louis Rams many ppl are wondering “how r the cardinals going 2 finish the season? What is theyre plan 4 success!” At a press confrence this morning coach bruce Arians discussed his plans for changing there luck. Here r the key parts of his strategy:

1. This is the 2nd time in as many months that theyre starting QB got hurt, so next week Arians confirmed that they just won’t use a QB. Friggin genius!!

2. 4000 lbs of salt were delivered to the cardinals stadium this morning so if u see some cardinals hanging out in phoenix u will prolly see them throwing salt over their shoulders or maybe standing in circles of salt to ward off witches? idk only time will tell!

3. Every Cardinal now has a lucky rabbits foot on his car keys!! trendy

4. Bruce Arians said that that wasn’t enough rabbit feet so the home team locker room has been turned into a real neat rabbit sanctuary 4 homeless bunnies!!! All over phoenix 2day volunteers r catching rabbits that will live in the stadium until the cradinals win a super bowl

5 Arians denied the rumor that they will use voodoo dolls but last night he was seen at a st louis Kmart buying some needles n thumb tacks so idk

5. While their just sitting around being lazy and NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL Carson Palmer n Drew Stanton have to eat 20 fortune cookies a day and keep the rabbit habitat stocked with carrots

7. Loyal cards fans donated there time early this morning to nail over 15,000 horseshoes inside cardinals stadium!!! B sure to keep a look out for them during the next game!

8 each Cardinal player will receive one of those cute cat statues that waves all the time

9. Other nfl players r donating there sick leave 2 Stanton n plamer so nice

10. All of the number 13s have been filed off the seats at the stadium!! So if u are unlucky enough to b seated in row 13 or 113 or seat 13 or w/e u r S.O.L!!! sorry 😦

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