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Not All Silence Is a weapon

inside outside thinkersby Harold & Bette Gillogly

Since we tried last week to rattle the cages of those who use silence as a weapon, though they might not even realize it. It’s only fair that this week we explain how not all silence is a weapon. Some silence is because your spouse simply needs time to think about his/her response.

You see, there are two kinds of “thinkers.” There are the Out-Side-Thinkers and the In-Side-Thinkers. If you are an Out-Side-Thinker, you tend to respond quickly. What you say to begin with is probably not your conclusive response. You are simply thinking out loud. You will eventually arrive at your conclusion, but the process will be out loud.

But if you are an In-Side-Thinker, you tend to need silence in order to give you time to think about your conclusive response. Your thinking processes are all inside your mind. To you, that silence is natural and good…even necessary.

Both Out-Side-Thinkers (O-S-T) and In-Side-Thinkers (I-S-T) are hard-wired the way they are. It may drive O-S-Ts crazy to have to wait so long for their I-S-T spouse to respond to a question. If you are an O-S-T, be patient and wait for your spouse’s response. It will come eventually and will be worth the wait.

If you are an I-S-T, keep in mind that your O-S-T spouse will probably respond quickly to a question, but it’s not his/her final conclusion. They’re simply on the way to their conclusion.

Don’t try to change each other! Just accept each other and learn to appreciate one another’s differences. You’ll both be the happier…and stronger for it!

The silent treatment is also dealt with in Articles: Commit to a Time to Talk ( and 3 Communication Tools ( Also, watch the free webinar titled Can You Hear Me Now? (

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