Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Snake on the floor

6:00 am... and I am dealing with a snake in my kitchen?   Seriously?  I don't even know how the little bastard got there or what kind of a snake it is.

I hate snakes.  You have no idea how much I hate snakes.

I can tell you though.  I hate them so much... I am going to take this poor little bastard and put him in the coop with my chickens.  They will shred him and eat him alive... on evil peck a time.

You have no idea how brutally evil chickens are until you hear the screams of a frog while they dismember it.


Flannel Avenger said...

You have my sympathies. I too hate snakes with an unbridled passion and that is truly an awful way to start your day.

Giraffe said...

At least it is only one and not on a plane.

I am fortunate to live in an area where the most virulent critters are mosquitoes.

No poisonous snakes, scorpions, not much for spiders.

Used to play with garter snakes as a kid.

I threw a broken belt off the lawnmower at the wife's feet awhile back. She jumped a foot. She's afraid of snakes.

And yeah, chickens are mean when they can be.

Vidad said...

Dude, you're a freaking wuss. I collect snakes here on purpose to keep the rodent populations down. I don't get the "fear," unless it's a venomous aggressive species.

I caught a 6' yellow rat snake at a relative's place the other day and put it in my yard.

Susan said...

If you are what you eat, then it isn't going to bother you that in the future you will be eating a chicken who has eaten a snake? It would kind of gross me out.

Check the bottoms of all of your exit doors. You would be surprised at how little space they need in order to get into your house, especially during the heat of the day.

JN said...

Found a baby snake slithering out of my bathroom light switch once.

jml1911a1 said...

Update? Did you catch and dispose of it, or did you shriek like a girl and pass out?

Nate said...

It was captured this morning and, after providing entertainment for my children... was fed live to my chickens.

Which by the way... is not a good way to die.

rycamor said...

Nate's just trying to pretend he's Indiana Jones.

"Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?"

Outlaw X said...

Any snake that gets into your house one time will do it again if you let it loose, good choice Nate.

And Vidad JJ Cale we were talking about a couple weeks ago died of a heart attack last Friday.

Athor Pel said...

I always got a kick out of putting on some leather work gloves and catching snakes with my hands. You distract with one hand and grab the snake from behind with the other hand.

Granted, this only works if you can get it to stop running. You want it to rear up and threaten to strike. Catch them while they are crossing a road for example, that tends to work, they can't see anywhere nearby to hide so they stop and fight. They try to bite the distracting hand sometimes so you need to be quick.

Outlaw X said...


The best way to catch a poisonous shake is with a 12 ga shotgun. I have ate many of them at our family fish fries. Skin 'em fry 'em with fish batter. They taste like... well rattle snake.

Outlaw X said...

Seriously, I wouldn't recommend ever eating a cotton mouth or a copperhead they stink real bad.

If you ever ate frog legs that is what they remind me of, they don't taste like chicken as the common canard says..

Nate says he has Eastern Diamond backs as big as his leg, he should see this as an advantage living on rattle snake hill.

He has a rattle snake ranch and plenty of food in hard times.

They are really good for someone who has never ate them.

Athor Pel said...

Big cotton mouths do stink, bad. You can smell them before you see them usually.

I hate cotton mouth water moccasins. Only snake that ever chased me. Belligerent beyond my tolerance for them.

WaterBoy said...

Outlaw X: "If you ever ate frog legs that is what they remind me of, they don't taste like chicken as the common canard says."

Fishy chicken is what they taste like to me, though the level of fishiness varies by species.

realmatt said...

it sounds like someone was sick of that motherfuckin snake on that motherfuckin floor.

yeah I said fuck because FUCKING HELL I MISS BANE!

bruce said...

Your cottonmouth was eating fish. Somewhere some redneck is raising grain-fed cotton mouths for sandwich filler.