New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.42: When In Rome


BETH: “Is this your Euro?”
ANTONIO: “that’s weird…”
BETH: “Antonio?”
ANTONIO: “It’s Anthony actually.”
BETH: “From Nunzio?”
ANTONIO: “No. Newark…New Jersey”
BETH: “Are you really a tortured artist?”
ANTONIO: “Tortured. Been in retail shoe sales for the last 9 years. As far as being an artist, I don’t know I guess I figured going to Italy would make me one.”
Thankfully, I’ve never been in the situation but watching When In Rome gave me the same feeling that a passenger on a plane might experience seconds before they realize they are about to crash. Imagine how serene the land below looks when gazing out the window thousands of feet in the air, and then your thoughts suddenly turn sour as the plane begins to take a nose dive. At least your captain makes you aware that you all need to put on your masks and take note of the exits. In contrast, a DVD does not supply that type of warning, so heed the one I’m about to bestow on you: When In Rome is a pretty stupid movie.

The crazy thing about When In Rome is that I’ve actually seen movies with lower budgets and Z-list actors that are actually better than this. As a fan of Kristen Bell I had high hopes for her big starring role. Her comedic sharpness and sly sarcasm has lent itself superbly to Veronica Mars, and even her recent role on Party Down, which you should watch if you haven’t yet. As the main character of the film she maintains those qualities, but in a very subtle way in comparison to her other roles. Her curator, Beth, is more likable than Sarah Marshall, but Bell flourishes more as the latter. She’s at her best when playing saucy, self absorbed characters full of idiosyncrasies.

The cliched, silly plot involves a fountain of love from which Beth takes back coins just like Mouth did in The Goonies. Meanwhile, the owners who originally threw those coins into the fountain all wind up falling in love with Beth, although she already has eyes for Nick, played by Josh Duhamel. The role of Nick is not too much different than the numbskull Duhamel probably is in real life. Nick is a former football player who got struck by lightning during a game and soon meets Beth at her sisters wedding in Rome.

Much like that plane that I mentioned earlier, you can probably imagine how the movie plummets from there. There’s a Napolean Dynamite connection, a kick ass performance by SNL’s Bobby Moynihan, and cameos by Newark NJ born Shaquille O’Neal and former Giant Lawrence Taylor. When in Rome also stars Don Johnson as Beth’s father, Danny DeVito as a Sausage King, Angelica Huston as Beth’s boss, Will Arnett as wannabe artist, Jon Heder doing a parody of Criss Angel, and Kristen Bell’s real life dude, Dax Shepard, who as much as I hate to admit it, is pretty funny. Even with this outstanding cast and a Jersey mention, when in Rome, do as The Sexy Armpit says and don’t bother.

Kerri Green is September’s Garden State Playmate!


“ANDI…YOU GOONIE!” is a quote permanently etched into our brains thanks to that cheap guy Troy, but you may not be as familiar with the actress who played our favorite cheerleader, Andi Carmichael, Kerri Green. Green is best known for a handful of classic ’80s films such as Lucas, Summer Rental, and her signature role in The Goonies. As September’s Garden State Playmate, Green has prime eligibility since she was born in Fort Lee, NJ and went to high school in Montvale, NJ.

Green’s IMDB will tell you that she’s starred in episodes of Mad About You, ER, and Law and Order, but does any of that matter? She could’ve quit acting after The Goonies because she made a lasting impression as the sweet cheerleader next door who made me wish it was me accidentally kissing her in that cave instead of Mikey. At the time The Goonies came out, I was a little kid and Andi was the typical older high school girl who may have hung around with my older sister.

Green didn’t just portray Andi as the cute teenaged cheerleader. She was innocent, yet tough at the same time. One second she’s screaming and scared shitless, and the next she’s scolding Troy that she’ll smack him in the face and later bragging about how she elbowed his lip. Also, in a subtle nod to Judy Garland’s Dorothy, vulnerable Andi whined that she wasn’t a Goonie and she wanted to go home, but she can still organize the shit out of a victory pyramid. Kerri Green can play my bones any day.


**On a side note, a big thank you to Troy for planting the idea in my young male brain that you need not be perverse to see some crotch, you just need to be crafty. So, thank you Troy Perkins for teaching us, NAY, the WORLD, the old Rear View Mirror Upskirt Move.

MEME: 6 Random Things

The Rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.












Rock Band


You’re tagged!

Jason at Sonic Dork

Chunky B from Eclectorama

Reis from Geek Orthodox 

Buried Treasure? X Marks the Spot in New Jersey

“You sound just as corny as Dad does…”
– Brandon Walsh, The Goonies

I grew up watching my father’s favorite classic pirate movies with him, and in turn I would show him my favorite movie ever, The Goonies. Chunk only had old Hanukkah decorations in his attic. Mikey had a shitload of cool pirate stuff that was intended to make it’s way into an Astoria museum. My attic was filled with my sister’s old dolls and a bunch of other household junk that had been banished to the black hole by my mom. If it was up to my Dad, it would have all went straight into the trash. Even though we didn’t have historical stuff from the pirate days, my Dad did bestow upon me something that always made me think he dreamed of going on a Goonie adventure of his own someday. One weekend he brought me to his room and opened the doors of his chest of drawers, lifted up a stack of sweaters and shirts, and pulled out a folded, burnt up paper that was hidden underneath:


My Dad handed me the paper and told me it was “a real treasure map!” If I was any more excited my eyeballs would’ve fallen right out of their sockets like Ragetti’s in Pirates of the Caribbean. I unfolded the old map, careful not to tear the delicate artifact. The map was titled “Treasure Map,” (awesomely appropriate).


The map outlined possible sites where pirates may have buried their treasure, or their ships sunk along the east coast. Luckily for him, my dad didn’t try to convince me that Captain Kidd or Blackbeard sealed this map in one of the walls of our house because the copyright is 1965. I was a little kid, but damn was I perceptive.

My father and I were able to continue enjoying the pirate genre beginning in 2003 thanks to the release of the Pirates of the Caribbean. I saw POTC more than 5 times in the theater and it gave me the same feeling of wonder that opening this map did. It’s amazing that my father got this map as a souvenir on vacation nearly 40 years before we went to the theater to see POTC together. Perhaps he held onto it because it gave him that adventurous feeling that we all have when we’re young. He kept it to hand down to me, and I’ve had it ever since. In essence, I don’t have to go searching because the map is “good enough” treasure for me.
Is your life is in need of some adventure? Maybe this map will assist in your hunt. Here’s a closer look at possible sites where treasure is buried in New Jersey:


On your quest, try to avoid any run-ins with the Fratellis, and don’t tell mom you’re going because I have a date with Andy on Friday, limp lungs!

“Name The Sexy Armpit Girl” Contest Winner!





Here’s some of the best entries:

Pitricia submitted by Richard




Josey T. Urnpike submitted by Ace Johnson



Lost Boys: The Tribe: Movie Sucks, Corey Feldman Wins, and Film References Galore!

“Better late than never” movie sequels seem to be the latest trend in Hollywood. In the past couple of years we’ve had to deal with sequels to movies like Rocky, and Indiana Jones, both of which were 15 years tardy. It’s not to say these films aren’t without merit. Personally I get excited when a film gets released after its franchise has been missing from theaters for close to a score. You can imagine the hefty amount of anticipation that builds up. What if the movie sucks after this huge gap of time? All that anticipation morphs together into one huge glowing energy ball and launches itself out of my stomach and rips right through the movie screen. Well, not exactly but it would actually be better if the ball traveled to the movie studios and knocked these stupid film producers right on their asses. They have no sense sometimes.

Did you ever think you were going to see a sequel to Better off Dead? Probably not, right? Well 23 years after the film was in theaters is a better time than any I’d say. Why not a sequel to The Secret of My Success (1987) while we’re at it? Or Real Genius? Any movie is fair game. The big wigs in Hollywood are so asinine that they think a lame unrelated sequel to an old school franchise is automatically going to be successful. That unfortunately isn’t the case and I’ll speak for the greater population while I say that we’d all like some new and refreshing plots and engaging films. Did you ever think of how scared movie producers are to invest their money? A smart way to sell them an original script is by saying they could package their movie as “Wes Craven Presents” or as “The Lost Boys: The Tribe” like today’s shameful example. The film was 21 years too late but lucky for us it only sucked about 90 minutes of our time away from our lives. Shit, I almost became a vampire by watching it because it sucked so much life out of me. Oh yeah…and it just sucked in general.

I’m a loyal fan of the first Lost Boys, and seeing it in theaters when it was released really had an impact on me. I would say that regardless of how many Universal horror films and Dracula movies I watched as a kid, that The Lost Boys started my fascination with vampires. That’s a heavy load to carry…a load that smells like Frog juice (for those of you with a wet bar: mix raw egg, garlic, and holy water).

Lost Boys: The Tribe was a lame excuse for a sequel. It basically just used the name “Lost Boys” and the character of Edgar Frog played by Corey Feldman. The rest of it is “The O.C meets The Lost Boys.” The characters, especially the villains, get killed off quickly and we don’t even get much of a chance to love them or hate them. The introduction of Edgar Frog seems uneven in the film. Personally I think the script was written as a typical vampire film and then reworked after the producers lured The Feldster back in the mix. Well who cares, as long as Corey Feldman is back! He’s the man in this film and the highlight of the entire movie. He looks like he’s having a lot of fun playing Edgar Frog again and it’s a damn shame that he doesn’t have, at the very least, the success of his Goonies counterpart Sean Astin.

Speaking of The Goonies, utter suckyness aside, Lost Boys the Tribe spent a lot of time referencing a bunch of films. The blatant references became ridiculous at times. It seemed like the filmmakers wanted to name drop movies to be cool with the hipsters. You know those people…the ones who latch onto things way too late but they think they discovered something new.

Here’s a list of movie references from Lost Boys: The Tribe

10:12 Yes, The Tribe references…wait for it…The Lost Boys! There’s a short montage reminiscent of one in the original where various “strange” people around town are shown. This guy is clearly supposed to represent how Tim Cappello’s (greased up sax player singing “I Still Believe”) character would look 20 years later. The Tribe only wishes they had something as cool as a greased up WWE looking sax player singing that badass song. It would’ve worked wonders. If The Tribe is a hideous zit, then greasy Tim Cappello is the Clearasil.

13:23 “…Yes leave our address at the creepy Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer, it’s a good plan”
17:11 Besides Corey Feldman’s flawless performance, this reference is the films only saving grace: “You mean to say the two of you have never heard of The Goonies? You are in for a very serious treat.” Truer words were never spoken! Maybe 17 minutes into the film the DVD player actually just starts playing The Goonies instead and Lost Boys The Tribe was actually all a big joke! That’s marketing genius. Let’s sell more copies of The Goonies! I wonder if the same people who made Vice Versa and Trading Places feel like making “Edgar Frog meets Clark “Mouth” Devereaux?” If so then I’m offering to direct it.
18:48 “…ties the whole room together kinda like that rug in The Big Lebowski
1:00:39 You don’t get much more blatant than this: “Warriors! Come out to Play-ay!”
1:10:12 While it’s not really a movie, I had to throw it in: “That’s still something I can see on my Girls Gone Wild Box Set…”

All the movie references in the world wouldn’t have saved this piece of trash, even Haim’s bizarre appearance in an alternate ending. Please, someone important hire Corey Feldman so he can finally get his due! And get all of us who watched Lost Boys: The Tribe a mind wipe from that Haitian guy on Heroes so we won’t have to remember sitting through it.

The Changing of the Geek

Can you even recall when black rimmed glasses and a pocket protector was the sole association with a geek? For me, it doesn’t seem that long ago that Eugene from the Grease films was the first person who came to mind when I heard that word. Heck, even Screech Powers from Saved by the Bell was synonymous with Nerd or Geek. Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards stood up for all who were nerdy in the Revenge of the Nerds series and I honestly can’t see a modern day “re-imagining” of that series because the idea of Nerd or Geek has totally changed.

Is there even a clear difference between a geek and a nerd? The classic definition of a nerd/geek varies greatly from what it is today. At one time, geeks were typically guys, ultra intelligent, never seemed to know how to dress, and they definitely couldn’t talk to girls (if only they had Beauty and the Geek back then). I bet my coveted toy WWE spinner belt that you or someone you know has been called a computer nerd. Nowadays, it seems that a geek is someone who is heavily into computers, comics, gaming, sci-fi, or nostalgia. As a matter of fact, you can be a geek with just about anything if you’re THAT obsessed with it. But it doesn’t sound right when you say “I’m a music geek, or a movie nerd.” With that said, it seems those once derogatory terms can’t be used universally. For now, let’s just assume they refer to similar types of people.

Since the ’50s we’ve had the pleasure of poking fun at these smart, goofy bastards called Nerds. Back then they were mostly found in high schools or libraries getting shaken down for their lunch money or a term paper or overzealously raising their hands at each question asked by the teacher and getting every answer so right that you thought you might be missing your frontal lobe.

Geeks across the nation rallied and experienced one hell of a renaissance once the ’90s rolled around. Perhaps Family Matters’ Steve Urkel captured the title of one of the most familiar modern day geeks. How can fanboys like me, (a much better term I’d say) and say…your friend who’s into fantasy role playing games be considered the same kind of animal? It just doesn’t seem right. I always felt it was a negative comment to call someone a geek or a nerd and now it’s just as insulting, but in different way. I get called a geek all the time and I’ve just come to accept it and brand myself one before anyone can pounce on it. It’s easier to say I’m a superhero geek to make it easier for people to understand what I’m about. Have you been called a geek because you love Star Wars? Now anyone who loves Star Wars is considered a “Star Wars Geek.” Lame but true. Why should we be persecuted for what we like?

It became a whole different IQ test when bands like Weezer surprised the shit out of the music business helping to introduce the genre known as “geek rock.” While they had smart, self depreciating lyrics filled with pop references, and hard rock with memorable hooks, they were far from geeks. It may have just been a style they went for to be tongue in cheek considering one of Rivers Cuomo’s previous bands was considered a hair band.

Nerds are penetrating pop culture more than ever before. Right at this minute you can open up another browser page and look at a whole online store that sells stuff that nerds would drool over (ThinkGeek). Hell, there’s even an entire magazine dedicated to geek culture…(which at this moment i’m fantasizing about subscribing to) Geek Monthly . Even consumers who are apprehensive about buying computer and home theater equipment can call in the “Geek Squad” to save the day. Why is it that you have to be a geek to know about computers and hook up electronics?

A trendy term in the past few years “Geek Chic,” refers to everything geek becoming cool. Damn, you would need to be up on your “Geekspeak” before you could possibly know what “Cheek Chic” is. On the defunct “O.C,” Adam Brody’s Seth Cohen was a hero to the nerd kingdom. He was like Ghandi, or Abraham Lincoln bringing us one step closer to freedom. Seth had a thing for graphic novels, death cab, he drew and wrote his own comics, coined his own words, and dug The Goonies. You can’t get more geeky than that. But more recently on TV, G4’s influential Attack of the Show features Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn, two good looking non geeky hosts giving the run down on all that is geeky. They discuss the latest tech gadgets, superhero films, and report live from what is known as “geek nirvana” the Comic Con. With them leading the geek charge it’s no wonder that geeks of today are only called that for lack of a better term.

You know what geek or nerd are euphemisms for? Pathetic. I swear. You and I…and everyone else…we need to accept that and revolt. We need to take on a new moniker because we don’t have much in common with those old school, pocket protected, highwater-wearing nerds. Think about it…is everyone who wears black rimmed glasses a geek? I’m sure some of them are but not all. Why in the name of all namers couldn’t we have named this new “geek” revolution something else? Webster’s dictionary makes a big deal about adding new slang terms each year that we stopped using years ago and we couldn’t think of another word that would better describe us? Video Gameamaniacs, Comic Bookers, Nostalgaddicts, none of them will work. In America we are always concerned about being PC and calling every different ethnic group the proper name so I think it’s only fair to give us geeks the same respect. This is a stigma that I hereby vow to eradicate. IT’S TIME FOR OUR REVOLUTION, GEEKS NEED A NEW NAME!

A Few of my Favorite Movie Scenes

An excellent horror movie blogger, Final Girl, has inspired many of us bloggers to write a positive piece about films rather than being negative and ripping a film apart. So as part of the Hey, Internet, Stop Being Such Cynical Effing Douchbags Blog-A-Thon I’ve decided to concentrate on certain movie scenes that I always wish I was in. Some arouse feelings of nostalgia, fantasy, or they just look so damn cool. I’ve always wanted to actually experience these scenes first hand rather than just passively watch them.

In 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Kirk Douglas thinks the Nautilus is a sea creature and is about to throw a harpoon at it. The Nautilus was mysterious and it evoked intensity and suspense. The sub, even though it was an extension of Captain Nemo, seemed to have a life of it’s own. Later on we get to see the lush decor on board and I never thought the inside of a submarine could be this cool.
In the 1966 Batman movie, I was seduced by the idea of having poles to slide down into the bat cave. To have an “instant costume change lever” that was actually labelled with its title would be even more awesome. Shit I just used my basement as a low rent bat cave.

Obviously, Labyrinth has a ton of classic scenes and shots. This one really captured the first moment where we see a full view of the Labyrinth and what’s in store for Sarah. When I saw this movie for the first time I don’t think I was old enough to even define the word labyrinth so seeing that Sarah was about to head into a whole adventurous world of mazes and creatures made me want to jump into the screen and join her in the search for her brother Toby.
What I would’ve gave to ride my big wheel around the deserted Overlook hotel while horrifying spectacles are haunting every corner just like Danny Torrance in The Shining.
I take a lot of flak for always referencing Sleeping Beauty as one of my favorite films. The exciting finale featuring Maleficent’s fire breathing dragon (GREEN fire by the way) vividly sticks out in my mind.
The documentary within the movie Boogie Nights is classic. Dirk Diggler’s speech touches on subjects like Napoleon, jealousy, and how he’s “gonna keep rockin’ on.” It’s some of the most eloquent stuff I’ve ever heard! DIRK: “Like my shoes? They’re like this patchwork reptilian pattern design.” I can’t leave out the recording session where they record “Feel My Heat” and “You’ve Got the Touch” which frequently come up in my iPod shuffles.
This scene in Love Actually perfectly captures how every guy feels about a girl at one time or another. You know when there’s a girl you like and she’s with someone else and you desperately want to show her that you could make her happier than the guy she’s with? This guy goes into Bob Dylan mode and knocks on aptly named Juliet’s door. He shows her notes he wrote on poster board expressing romantic sentiments while her boyfriend is sitting on the couch inside. Even though it’s apparent he’s got zero chance, he gave it his best shot. He settled for letting her know truly how he feels. She gave him a consolation kiss. It doesn’t hurt that Keira Knightley looks hot as hell either.

Return to Oz depicts a very different, more realistic Oz than the glistening green skyline we’re used to seeing in the 1939 version. As a kid it was pretty scary after realizing that the whole sparkling city was turned to stone and the wheelers vandalized it. If you’re an adult and you still haven’t experienced Return to Oz, then GET ON IT!
The finale of Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, shows Jack Sparrow once again taking the helm as Captain of the Black Pearl: “drink up me hardy’s Yo Ho!” Then Klaus Badelt’s “He’s a Pirate” kicks in to pump you up.After the kick ass water slide scene, The Goonies kids discover the cou de gras…The Inferno, (One Eyed Willie’s Pirate Ship)…with TONS of rich stuff aboard.
I must have a million more, but for now…what are some of your favorite movie scenes?

The Goonies Treasures Discovered

In the past 20 some odd years it’s been tough being a Goonies fan. We waited such an insanely long time after DVDs became mainstream to even get The Goonies on DVD. ’80s classics like The Gremlins had an early release when DVD’s first got popular, but Goonies fans had to continually watch our beat up VHS copies. There’s also been constant teasing from the media for several years that a Goonies sequel has been in the works but it never seems to go anywhere.

Things started to look up a few years ago when The Goonies was finally given a nice treatment on DVD. About 6 years ago I started to notice an influx of Goonies merch like T-shirts, lunch boxes, and a whole lot of junk that could most likely be purchased at your local Hot Topic. I didn’t care what it was, or where I could get this stuff, I was just happy to see that my favorite movie of all time was finally getting some play. Even growing up there wasn’t much fervor for the Goonies and I didn’t see why. At the time, everyone close to my age loved watching the Goonies. I remember my mother bringing me to see it and I thought it was the most awesome movie ever and it reminded me of how it was hanging out with my friends at the time.

Just when there finally seems to be a big demand for Goonies stuff, I’m really losing my touch trying to keep tabs on all of these cool collectibles. If it weren’t for the Internet I would miss out on alot of crap. I try to keep up on the collectible landscape but the new Goonies action figures seemed to have slipped by me. I went to a website that said they’ve been out since August, so I immediately bought the entire 5 figure set. These figures are unbelievable. The accessories! Chunk has his milkshake (cause it brings all the boys to the yard), Mouth has his comb, and Mikey comes with an alternate hand so he can suck on his inhaler. Freakin’ amazing! While purchasing the figures, I noticed another entry for the “Copper Bone” contraption that Mikey used to activate the huge boulder trap. I couldn’t believe that a replica of this existed and how cool it looked. It’s a limited edition made by Mezco Toys and it was a Comic Con exclusive. When it came in the mail, I was overwhelmed at it’s authenticity and beautiful packaging.

Just this morning while doing a Goonie Google search, I found another great Goonies related treasure. How could I have missed this one? Did you happen to see it? Apparently Jeep is celebrating 20 years of their involvement in the Goonies film and they have a video game Goonies: Return to Astoria on their site. The game is downright horrible to play but there’s new artwork and a trailer to check out.

It’s fantastic that all this Goonies nostalgia’s happening, so hopefully it’ll make way for a sequel. I’m sure the pirate nostalgia caused by the popularity of the Pirates of the Carribean films helped out a bit. ’80s nostalgia in general is big too, and it only means dollar signs so why not keep it rolling? One of the best parts of being a Goonies collector is that there aren’t too many things to actually get. I’m happy with my Goonies posters, Goonies Burger King glasses, and movie magazines, although I am even more excited that there will be more to come.