The Car Fetish

I’ll probably get a lot of traffic today just because I used the word fetish in the title of this post. I don’t have that kind of fetish like that guy who literally loves his cars. To each his own and all that, but I actually like to look at cars, drive cars and dream about them in an “If I could afford it…” kind of way.

I don’t drive an expensive car. Hello? I’m a poor writer working a day job to keep her in conferences. But one day I figure that might change. Like when everyone was running to the store to buy a lottery ticket, I was in line spending my millions just like everyone else. What would I do with 400 million dollars if I won it/earned it? My family and I like to muse on this topic a lot as well. It’s pretty much decided that if you’re a close blood relation and any of us win a lot of money, we’d probably make sure you’re set for life.

This would be my list of What I’d Do If I Won Hundreds of Millions of Dollars:

  1. Pay off bills . This would be my bills and my family members’ bills. Not everyone, mind you. If I haven’t seen you in 5 years, I’m not paying off your bills. Sorry.
  2. This sort of goes with the most important thing which would be quit work so I can write full-time. And read full-time. Oh the books I could buy with this money!
  3. Buy a house or property to build a family compound.Because if you’re going to win millions, you may as well go all out and have a family compound where you can drive golf carts to each others’ houses, be in each other’s business and be able to tell everyone you live in a compound. With walls and attack dachshunds roaming the grounds.
  4. Give money to charity. For me it’d probably be the ASPCA, or I’d start my own animal rescue organization, and St. Jude’s Research Hospital.
  5. Give big chunks of money to my closest family members. Again, this goes with the first item on the list. If I haven’t seen you in years, you never talked to me when I did see you, don’t be showing up on my doorstep expecting a handout. Harsh but that’s the way it is.
  6. Travel. Attend conferences all over the globe just for fun, hang out in England for a few weeks before heading to Germany, France, Belgium, Austria, etc. Go to concerts all over the globe, festivals…*sigh*
  7. Most importantly, I’d get my cars.

Yes, cars. More than one. This is where the title for this post comes from. I love cars. I love to build my dream car. You know what family compound thing? My house would be the smallest on it, but I’d have the biggest garage because I’d have that many cars. I even have a list of cars I’d have to get. Ready?

  1. ’70 Chevrolet Chevelle SS396 – I’m shuddering with delight at the thought of owning one of these. Oh yes, It’s not exactly fuel efficient, but who cares? It’s a dead sexy car!
  2. Because I grew up watching Smokey and the Bandit, I’d need to get a 1977 Trans Am. What? It was good enough for The Bandit, it’s good enough for me! Besides, I can just imagine cruising down the road with the T-top open and Charlie Daniels Band blaring…
  3. Land Rover. When you want to be rugged but classy.
  4. Maserati Gran Turismo because that is one dead sexy car. Notice how the cars I want are dead sexy? Yeah, I like sexy, beast cars.
  5. Infinity fx because I like the way they look.
  6. Audi S5 – Mm yeah

There are some other cars that I’d get. You know, just everyday driving cars, but these would be the ones I’d simply have to own and would refuse to sell even if I became one of those lottery winners who go bankrupt within five years of winning. I’d give everything away except these cars. I’ll be 90 years old and sliding my ass behind the wheel of the Chevelle and revving the engine. Oh yes. And my hair would probably be purple. On purpose.

So what about you? What would you do if you won 400 million dollars?


Filed under humor

2 responses to “The Car Fetish

  1. Dianalyn Thomas

    That would be an awesome thing to win! I of course, would have a good stack of bills to pay off first. I would give my mom a huge chunk of cheese, pay a few relatives to go be happy, then I would build a big house with a huge garage. Since I am a Mopar girl, I would have a blue Superbird, a black Charger (replica of the one from Fast & the Furious ) I would also get a new purple Charger for an everyday driver, I would get another 71 Dart Swinger and then a few random other finds from the annual SEMA show 🙂

  2. Almost all of what you said…but not so much cars.I have had to drive junker too often in my life to allow myself to notice cars …much.I want a BIG kitchen, more nightlife and be a philanthropist!Oh, the fun I would have! A big enough pot for me, and YOU could quit your day job,Danica!

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