View Full Version : so how do you make the evil guy cry?

2007-05-14, 07:47 PM
so the DM presents you with his allmighty-allpowerful-all*whatever u want BBEG, a really tough fight is coming up with the demon-vampire-lich-devil-fiend etc etc, you all know the list. the question then is, after he's done his speech about how you can never beat him so just kill the paladin or the cleric(or both if you have em) and join him so he will spare you. at that particular moment you have the inexplicable urge to spite the DM and make the BBEG cry...how the hell do you do it? i've seen it so many times in the "things i'm not allowed to do while gaming" thread and yet...i cant figure out how to make a demon cry...suggestions?:smallbiggrin:

2007-05-14, 07:50 PM

But seriously, I recommend winning. It's generally the best offense.

2007-05-14, 07:54 PM
As seen in someone's sig (wish I remembered whose):

During his speech, continual castings of Create Water over his head. Keep interrupting him with a drenching of water. I know it'd make me sad. :smallamused:

2007-05-14, 08:00 PM


well...that would be easy with a feral human barbarian who at lvl 7 charged+power attacked+leap attacked+power lunged the evil blue dragon that was threatening to kill us in one hit and then cleaving the white dragon that was fighting the blue dragon, but had also decided to kill us (emm the dragons were colossal btw)...yet, the PCs winning is a common occurrence and is expected more or less...there is a sense of accomplishment over the DM by making that ferocious beast cry...you could dominate/command it to cry...but no fun is it?
water was a nice idea tho :P

Fax Celestis
2007-05-14, 08:06 PM
As seen in someone's sig (wish I remembered whose):


That'd be Fhaolan. Someone's sigged it around here somewhere.

2007-05-14, 08:11 PM
Crushing Despair. Naturally.

Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter might make them laugh so hard they cry, too.

2007-05-14, 08:26 PM
dominate person and tell them they're a crybaby.

2007-05-14, 08:28 PM
dominate person and tell them they're a crybaby.emo.
There we go.

2007-05-14, 08:48 PM
well, excluding the undead ones, the BBEG will usually not just cave in with a dominate spell...especially when the DM has a rly rly bad dice that tends to roll 20s :P
i mean dominating the female BBEG Sanitized for your protection would make the DM cry...for sure...but then that would just cause a couple of balors to come and hunt you down...not a survivable prospect for a lvl 10 party :smallannoyed:
nice idea tho now that i mentioned it...hehe

The Gilded Duke
2007-05-14, 09:04 PM
Find out what they are proud of. Destroy it.
Find out what they care about. Destroy it.

Create something that they do not like, that they cannot change.

Make them feel powerless reguardless of level.

2007-05-14, 09:04 PM
A swift kick to the balls.

2007-05-14, 09:10 PM
The thing is, I have a naturally devious mind, and the plots of many BBEGs tend not to impress me very much, since I know that I could to better in his position.

So my strategy would be to belittle his grand plot as being poorly thought out. Seriously, it's not that mistakes were made, but that painfully obvious and damaging mistakes were made, which could have been easily avoided if he knew what the hell he was doing in the first place. And if he had thought it through, he should have realized it wouldn't have successfully accomplished what he wanted it to, even if he got away with his plan.

And that's just the problems with the mechanics of his plot. Even if his planning was perfect, it doesn't change one crucial thing: his ultimate goal is stupid. Really, it's just stupid.

What's he after, anyway? Money, power, perhaps? There are certainly better ways to obtain it than whatever his methods were. And besides, how much money and power do you need? He probably wouldn't be satisfied with everything in the world. You know what being a slave to your own uncontrolled desires makes you? A slave, that's what. How do you expect to own and control anything if you can't be in control of yourself? If you had thought this through in the first place, we wouldn't be here now, would we?

Dealing with demons and/or devils. I shouldn't have to explain why that's stupid. Look they're not really giving you power. They're just giving you what they want so they can manipulate you. Being manipulated by others doesn't strike me as the kind of thing that a good villain lets happen to him. In the end you're just serving the purposes of someone else. And that doesn't make you evil, that makes you a tool. What's that? You're smarter than they are, and you're the one on the manipulating end? Sure you are, [rollseyes], sure you are.

Revenge? I guarantee you that if this guy is a BBEG, and revenge is his motive, it's poorly thought out. There's no way that he'd want revenge against a significantly large enough group to qualify him as a Big and Bad threat if he was thinking about things. He's just being a jerk, and accusing countless people innocent of any slight against him. I'm not saying that being a jerk is a problem, but he's being a really stupid jerk. In fact, it's likely he's blaming people who aren't responsible because he's too weak and incompetent to be able to actually take revenge on the ones who are really responsible.

Take over the world? Sure, even if you beat the adventurers now, and through some miracle you successfully take over the world? What then? How long does he think he can maintain his rule over all of creation, anyway? People would just result to guerilla tactics, and harass him endlessly. Plus, you probably won't be satisfied no matter how much you conquer, as usual. Why create all that stress for yourself?

Destroy the world? Is he even trying? That's got to be the dumbest evil goal ever to be evily thought up. First of all, it's horribly cliche. Furthermore, whatever villain is after this probably has done the least actual thinking about what he's doing. First of all, there's no good motivation for trying to destroy the entire world. None. I mean it, no matter what reason he has for trying to destroy the world, it's bound to be stupid. Try coming up with a non-stupid reason for wishing the destruction of the world. You can't do it.

And don't try telling me that it's because your crazy. Real crazy people don't care about that sort of thing, you're just a pathetic poser who thinks that acting stupid makes you crazy. In the end you're just be a whiney drama queen.

You're just doing it for fun? Now that's a sentiment I can respect. But I'm going to have more fun kicking your ass, so enough talking- let's fight!

Other tactics: Whenever he's talking, make silent mouthing motions, or use your hands like talking puppets, and make weird expressions with your face. If he accuses you of not taking him seriously, tell him he's the one who's not taking you seriously. He's talking nonsense, after all (see above as to why).

Interrupt him with inane comments, such as talking to your familiar or animal companion, about how annoying the silly person in front of you is. Ask him silly questions, like "are you done yet" preferably multiple times, and while he's in the middle of answering your last question. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, or start eating trail rations (loudly) in front of him. In between bites, ask him if he has anything to drink.

If he says no, cast create water on him.

2007-05-14, 09:55 PM
Dominate person(monster), the second it sticks go ahead and cut "it" off. Preferably with a serated knife. No male villain can fight afterwords regardless of what the DM says.

2007-05-14, 10:05 PM
Enter his mind, discover his wishes, fears and hopes. Then while you're inside his mind create an Ilusion that make the best (worst) use of all of them. Exploit his fears, crush his dreams, destroy his hopes. And then do it again. Make him more miserable then all the rest of creation together. Now do that a thousand fold until all that is left is a empty shell of what once was a proud (wo)man.

Did I mention that I'm planning running a egoistical, genius, sadist, psychopath, very powerful telepath, villain on a GURPS campaign I plan to DM.

2007-05-14, 10:37 PM
If you're trying to cheese off the DM, your best bet is to simply ignore the BBEG and obsess over something in the room's scenery, preferably in mid-monologue. One of the most hilarious examples of this was posted on these boards a while back; the DM mentioned a bowl of wax fruit on a table, and one of the players decided to have his character rush up and start to eat the wax fruit while the BBEG was starting his monologue. The other players had their characters argue and fight over who got to eat the wax fruit. Yeah.

Thexare Blademoon
2007-05-14, 10:43 PM
You're a bastard. :smallmad:

No, wait, that's not right.

You're a bastard. :smallamused:

There we go.

2007-05-14, 10:57 PM
A good sound spanking, and maybe a lecture about why what he's doing is wrong.

2007-05-14, 11:29 PM
Assuming it's a valid target and doesn't have a high SR, chaining Irresistible Dance (thru scrolls if needed) and having the party slowly setup to kill him as he capers around.

I just can't picture any BBEG looking cool/badass/scary while tap dancing. Ideally you have the party members hand him a top hat and cane mid dance.

2007-05-15, 12:42 AM
There are many (non-magical) ways to make a villain squeel.

Everybody has a weakness, surely he has someone he holds dear you could take hostage.

And if he doesn't, cripple him, break his hands or something, nothing could wound the emotions of a meglomaniac more then to know he's powerless. That's worse then death.

2007-05-15, 09:20 AM
Hahaha, subscribed!

Anyways, how to make an BBEG cry?

Uh... be more evil then him/her ten times over?

2007-05-15, 09:58 AM
Interupt the monolauge with 10d6 fire damage!
Or Magic Missile.
Or some type of painfull spell.

And two words

Balefull Pollymorph

2007-05-15, 12:27 PM
As the prior examples show, just do anything you can to belittle the BBEG or his big monologue (which, if he's a good villain at all, he has rehearsed beforehand). Preferably without doing any real damage to anything but his pride, because this is supposed to be mockery, not a sucker-punch. Here's my strategy.

Cast Prestidigitation before you meet the BBEG. During his speech, use the spell to its full effect: juggle created lumps of rock, create more of them and levitate them around the floor to spell words, change the color of your clothing, and, if possible, soil the BBEG's pants, all while standing in one place. If the BBEG protests, say you're still listening and that he can continue, then proceed to magically clean his filthy lair from top to bottom (or soil it, if it's already clean).

2007-05-15, 01:04 PM
haha...rly nice one toric, good idea:smallyuk:
plus any wizrd/sorcerer can do it at any lvl!! i wonder how far u can go with prestigidation...playing circus music while little lumps of rocks juggle themselves in the air should get his attention...makin it seem as if he "soiled" his pants...can u make the cleric smell like a really good roast?

Green Bean
2007-05-15, 01:09 PM
haha...rly nice one toric, good idea:smallyuk:

Maybe not, but according to the spell description, you can make the cleric taste like a really good roast. :smallbiggrin:

2007-05-15, 01:31 PM
There's no one good solution for handling every BBEG, obviously. The only advice I can give is to think creatively and try everything. Make sure your characters are well-supplied, even with some of the things you don't think they'll ever need.

Example: 3.0 campaign. Low-level party - maybe second level. We encountered the Big Bad's messenger minion (a mid-level fighter/thief type) who was in the middle of his speech on how he was going to kill us all and deliver us into the service of his master blah blah blibbidy blah. In the middle of his speech, I decided that my character (fighter/ranger) would pull out a tanglefoot bag and chuck it at him. He blew his save (not difficult against 3.0 tanglefoot bags), was rooted to the spot and we geeked him without much trouble. I'd plumb forgotten I had that tanglefoot bag hanging around, and it saved us from getting pantsed by this guy.

2007-05-15, 02:59 PM
Find an alchemist to make you tear gas

2007-05-15, 03:29 PM
Programmed Amnesia. Make the trigger 'anything', and have the effect be 'curl up in a fetal position and cry like a baby'.

2007-05-15, 03:59 PM
Programmed Amnesia.'.

and where can i find that plz?:smallbiggrin:

2007-05-15, 04:04 PM
One way to piss off a BBEG: play really, really dumb. If he ends up in a final, super-epic duel with a bunch of idiots who completely misunderstand the depths of his (presumably) revealed plans, who take the whole thing as something ridiculously absurd, or if they fail to comprehend it at all, his reaction will almost certainly be among the lines of grunting unintelligably, crying, or both.

2007-05-15, 04:05 PM
polymorph them into shinji ikari.

2007-05-15, 04:07 PM
Just totally belittle him. "Uh, OK, that's really nice. Let us know when you're done blabbing so we can kill you." Or just smile and nod while he's talking and then if he asks a question be like "oh I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"

2007-05-15, 04:17 PM
I like the plan with the hand puppets. If you have time to prepare and know the villain, you could create real hand puppets and speak his lines in a mock voice.

And of course, there are some low blows against his masculinity. Always works.

Villain: Insert evil guy speech.
Rogue: I hear *blah* *blah* *blah*. Looks like he just needs a hug.
Fighter: Needs to get laid, you mean. What was the last time, big guy? Huh? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge?
Cleric: Will you cut him some slack. There's not much dating opportunity in his lair, I guess...although I have noticed a few handsome male servants around. Care to tell us something, huh?
Wizard: But...weren't most of them Undead already?
Bard: Well you know, what they tell about Necromancers...wink, wink, nudge, nudge?

2007-05-15, 04:29 PM
polymorph them into shinji ikari.


2007-05-15, 05:18 PM
Step One:

Make sure BBEG is in the middle of monologue.

Step Two:

Get Cleric.

Step Three:

Summon Celestial Buffalo

Step Four:

Shove Buffalo into BBEG right in the middle of the word "foolish."

Step Five:

Laugh and drink the night away.

2007-05-15, 07:15 PM
A few things we have done:
1. After the BBEG gives his big speech, just keep asking "and?" or "this effects us how?"
2. Call him Dr. No or any other Bond villain
3. Crack open a chilled beverage right in the middle of the speech
4. Play poker
5. Bring pieces of paper, occasionaly check things off, shout Bingo!
6. Accomplish whatever his ultimate goal is before he does
7. Play rock/paper/scissors to see who faces him first
8. Behave towards him like Xykon behaves towards Roy (That's nice. Who are you?)
9. Redecorate. His entire lair if possible. Bring your own furniture if necessary.
10. Have the bard play fight music from Finaly Fantasy
11. Wear rainbow wigs
12. Hire a group of mercenaries to actually do the fighting part. Sit back and critique the fight MST3K style.
13. After his speech ask, completely serious, "So...you aren't the local blacksmith?"

2007-05-15, 08:18 PM
If the BBEG is a Melee type...

Wizard casts Forcecage on him/her/it in the middle of the monolauge with the phrase "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just going to be casting Cloudkill in another couple of rounds when your tiresome speach bores me. The more you entertain me, the longer you live. With your currently displayed wit, I don't foresee this lasting more than a couple rounds tops."

2007-05-15, 09:58 PM
Have a previous character die on him.

We were racing against the bad guys to find missing artifacts, and were ahead by several pieces. One of the characters (a dwarf rogue) actually managed to get the piece he was carrying to actually do something, and ended up taunting a minor BBEG every time they fought. In a seperate incident the dwarf ended up getting torn in half, and was replaced in the group by a human fighter. At about the same time a new player joined, and we ended up with a monk as well.

We eventually ran into the BBEG again, and he went through his whole spiel about slaying us and looting our rotting corpses, when the monk and the fighter pomptly looked at him and went, "Huh?" About this time he realized his dwarf nemisis was gone. What followed was a rather odd battle which he ended up losing, but not before the entire thing got turned upside down as the "new" characters tried to get some information out of the old ones.

2007-05-16, 12:45 AM
polymorph them into shinji ikari.

No dont do that. That will asure he'll destroy the world. Trust me, polymorphing anybody into anything that nearly ended exsistance with nothing but angst and mental issues is a bad idea.:smalleek:

PS: I <3 Eva.

2007-05-16, 05:41 AM
hehe puppets...i wonder if my DM will let me buy a whole set for possible BBEGs...usually we belittle plot hooks..i dont know why we never did it to the BBEG...usually just ignored them tho and went about to complete the quest in a most bizzare way...once we followed a vampire and his gang for 4 days while the whole village that had been killed by the vamp became spawns...but who cares right?we got the vampire in the end :smalltongue: maybe i shoul've nicknamed him fangy...too bad i'm the monk...hehe

2007-05-16, 06:26 AM
While I once dropped 10000 tons of platnem on mamon...

2007-05-16, 08:59 AM

I wonder where you got that idea from... *looks at Fighter in your avatar* ...hmmm....

2007-05-16, 09:48 AM
Laugh at him and say, "You think you are evil little guy? You know that taste in your mouth you get when you drink orange juice and then brush? Yeah, I LIKE THAT."

2007-05-16, 10:24 AM
Have the bard play some nutcracker music in the middle of the BBEG monolauge.

2007-05-16, 10:28 AM
Find a silly trick to destroy/rinder useless his greatest power/weapon/magic item/whatever.

BBEG: "I shaw take over the world with the Toothpick of the Titans!"
Player: "Sorry buddy, but your Toothpick is gone."
"my... my toothpick..."

2007-05-16, 12:53 PM
well...usually the BBEG is not the "destroy the world" type...they're usually (in D&D at least) a dragon doin his thing, a lich aspiring for power, or just plainly the "battle between good and evil" that will always go on so we got quests to do...maybe some assassin that needs to be stopped or someone to be assassinated...breaking the "ultimate weapon" or usin it on the BBEG would sure be funny...but it's rare..dont u think? if there even is one...how many quests are there just to retrieve an artifact, or you learn of a dungeon and the BBEG is just the guardian/spirit/ghost blah blah of the owner of the treasure/dungeon/tower/tome/artifact etc...so there is no ultimate weapon...unless you're dealing with a bunch of mindflayers that devised a way to bring back from the future their spaceships and establish their empire once more in the past (and that would be quite rare...). In D&D i dont think there is actually anyone trying to conquer/destroy the multiverse. even the demons are absorbed in their war with the devils and they just want to bring chaos wherever they go...not destroy the world...D&D universe is a very stable (in a way) place...nobody wants to destory the world, or conquer it anyway...most likely it'll be some evil magician killing innocents, a rampaging beast, a cult gone wild, an artifact to be gotten, delivery quests, maybe a war to be fought, assassinations...most quests to prevent destory the world are (cliche for one) out of the D&D context...have u ever found any NPC in any book saying that he wants to destory the world? maybe life and then raise everyone as undead in the case of nerrul but that's as far as it goes...so how do you make your regular evil guy cry? not just be annoyed (create water etc), proving to him he is only a little evil compared to you is good, only if ur evil urself....
btw i really didnt get the orange juice and toothbrushing one...was i supposed to?i dont see how that has anything to do with evil...?