The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

I get so behind on my f-list over the weekend...

and miss the wankage over things like kinkfreezone, which has already been self-deleted. Probably saved me a few blood-pressure surges, though!

This wasn't a "bad" weekend, really, but it was one of those that led to some wallowing. I spent all my free time Saturday taking down Halloween and doing laundry, before a quick library-and-chore-blitz, and then Sunday was more laundry, exercise (running), and 3 hours of yardwork that went right past sundown and into the eyestrain zone. The kids helped a little on Sunday (Lauren borrowed 2-hours-of-yardwork's worth of money, and Christopher stuck around for a slow hour), but the feeling of never making any headway on anything is so frustrating.

HalfshellHusband is nauseated most of the time (and is still working through the cleanup/estate stuff following his mother's death), but the reality is that since he went on disability for depression 2 years ago I've felt like I'm drowning in failure. I have at least 5 "tornado-like" rooms where I can never get the time to straighten out even one of them and get it off my list. Before the cancer, HSH was debilitatingly depressed, and did almost nothing around the house/yard other than chauffering the kids, cooking, and groceries.

I used to have Mondays off. I'd volunteer at the kids' schools (alternating weeks), then come home and tackle some project and do my exercise. When HSH stopped working, my Mondays became entertaining him, and the projects (i.e., touch-up painting/repairs or reorganizing/purging stuff) went nowhere. Two years later, more "todos" have accumulated and hardly anything leaves the list, and I went back to work full-time in March when my office instituted a 5% pay cut, so now there's more stress as well.

Sometimes, I just feel so tired and beaten-down by it all, but what can we do? HSH is too wiped-out from chemo to do more than he's doing, and it would just make him feel guilty if I mentioned it. I can't enlist his help in cleaning-out/purging, because his idea of that is to pack random stuff up and put it out in the garage, where it becomes "lost" instead of "dealt with," and is no damn help whatsoever. Our yard is huge, and the gardeners are a mow-and-blow service (that we'd planned to let go-- pre-cancer-- because HSH finally accepted that he should be doing this work himself. We're still paying them, and it doesn't cut down on my yardwork at all).

*sigh* Sorry for the ranting. Sometimes I just have to vent, and I always feel like I can't say anything because I'm not the one dealing with the cancer and the chemo and feeling awful most of the time, or with the ECT (shock) treatments, or any of the rest of it. But all the fallout lands squarely on my shoulders. I could really use about a week all to myself to get things under control, which will never happen. :(

Now for some fun, stolen from many people and places, and let's hope I don't screw up the coding: Icon Meme!

Some of these I haven't even used yet-- the expansion is courtesy of a birthday gift from the lovely beascarpetta, so I have some new and gorgeous icons!

But mostly, they're still very fandom-centric. Must work harder!

Some of these are really literal meanings, some abstract. Because I'm schizoid like that:

.hurt..guilty..bored..laughing. love.

Snag yourself the coding here.

Yes, there are two of the Ice-T icons. I don't really have a lot in the "rage/angry/disgusted" department-- I tend to use that icon for all three of those, on the rare occasions it's needed. But then again, it's an awesome icon, so why diminish the impact? :D

Tags: me, meme
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