Monday, August 20, 2018

Wishful Thinking

I talked to my parents::: My last post where I speculated that the Government of Alberta invested in me and then takes the money I earned as a return on their investment doesn't sound realistic to them.

My parents believe at face value what the internet says about most people being broke and in deep debt and all that ---- and that they just wouldn't buy anything I built.

To me, I don't feel any better thinking that people just don't like me or my work, so I have to "delude" myself into believing that I sold many copies, but something else took the money, like the government.

According to the pirating sites, I am well aware that people were interested in my work and that these people just wouldn't pay ------ but I like to imagine there were even more people who actually paid me---- even if the sales rankings don't show it.

I delude myself to make myself feel happy at this point.

But I realize that the facts at face value say that people just didn't want to give me any money.

I was just thinking about how I was such a good student:: I had such a future ahead of me.

But, low self-esteem and basically negative comments from people around me (including negative comments to myself in my own self-dialogue) kind of dropped me down to a point where the only way I'm getting by is through psychiatric treatment.

The Book of Mormon teaches humility over pride.

Though it's true that humility leads to exaltation, too much humility can lead to one's own downfall I think.

I just have to realize that most OUYA developers didn't earn much and that most self-published authors don't earn much.

It's depressing for me::: because my life story is absolutely amazing in some of the things that happened, and yet people just won't pay me the smallest price for anything I did.

I'm forced to live on a Government benefit system because the average normal person in society apparently can't be trusted to pay an honest price for a book or a video game.

One of the Good Things about Mormonism is it tried to teach moral uprightness::: it tried to teach doing the right thing even if everyone else isn't doing the right thing.

I know it's so easy to rage against the Mormons sometimes, but the truth is,

Most of the people who ever paid me for my work were actually Mormon.

It's true that the Mormons didn't all take interest in me like I would have hoped::::

But when I think about all the copies of The Book of Finch that I sold, a lot of my books sold to Mormons, of the books that did sell.

Mormonism may be very questionable, but I can't argue with the fact that of the people who read my book, most notably specifically the Mormons were the type who would ACTUALLY PAY FOR IT.

I haven't sold very many books, but many of the books I am aware I sold, I know I sold to MORMON PEOPLE.

While the rest of the internet was content just to rip me off.

This is one reason why I don't write off the Mormon church completely:::: OK, mostly I don't pay attention to them anymore, but I often find myself thinking positive things about some of the things I learned in the church.

The church is very questionable, but there has to be something said for the stalwart morality they try to teach.

I have to wonder if the world tries to hold moral grounds against me or if the world as a whole is immoral.

Like I've said before, I've been hated since my childhood by my own siblings, and it was just downhill from there.

Does anyone have any real legitimate reason to take grounds against me, or is it just a common flaw in human psychology that it's so hard to get along and do the right thing?

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