Saturday, April 18, 2020

Goofus Belli

What would you do to safeguard 1.7 billion isk in this game?

If your answer is "reduce my ship's hitpoints", then you might be a Goofus.

Highsec Goofus Calida Pedel was invited to join a friendly conversation with Agent Blake McAllister. But from the outset, Calida misread the room.

Calida directed all of her anger at Blake. Apparently she wasn't interested in having a mentor.

Agent Blake asked for 10 million isk in exchange for all of the wondrous benefits of a New Order mining permit. Calida asked for 1.1 billion isk in exchange for nothing. Yet Calida had the temerity to accuse Blake of being a scammer!

War was in the air. Calida advised Blake to self-quarantine for the next four weeks. But our Agent provides highsec with an essential service.

Calida felt she had leverage over Blake: The threat of retaliation from her main character's corporation. Both Calida's main character and the corp were unidentified.

In addition to the military might of Calida's unnamed corporation, there were important moral issues at play. Blake had a bounty on his head. That made him the bad guy. He needed to change his ways.

Although Calida considered Blake to be a criminal, a liar, and a "fucking worthless scammer", she was confident that he would have a change of heart and give her a billion isk.

Suddenly, the tables were turned: Calida had a bounty! Now she was a bad guy, too.

The outcome of Calida's anonymous TeamSpeak conference increased the likelihood of a violent conflict. Neither side was willing to budge. Calida and Blake were about to drag their alliances into war!

A last-minute appeal to nationalism backfired when Calida discovered--to her horror and disbelief--that Blake was also German. Though they came from the same country, the two couldn't have been more different. Agent Blake represented the very best of Germany, while Calida was too ashamed to speak the name of her own corporation--if it even existed. In the great war to come, my money's on the Agent and his Code.


  1. Always remember OverWard Greer!

  2. Never forget shardani-greer!

  3. I love it when a highsec shitter threatens to "bring their main". When the fleet never shows it gives me even more ammo to use to remind them how totally impotent they are to stop gankers from playing the game correctly. Even in a virtual world they are incompetent Pearl River trailer trash.

  4. Goofus Foederis

    Goofus should quit like shardani

  5. Carebears in general, but especially highsec miners, seem to have a lot of issues with self-control.

    So do badly raised children, and it reminds me of an old saying that goes something something 'spare the rod'

    Petulant Highsec children should be beaten daily (in game of course, gankers do not support RL child murder/abuse. never forget shardani-greer)


  6. its MINERBUMP not MINORBUMP, get it right!

  7. All highsec miners should be removed, forcefully, from highsec. If they choose to go fight for some non-highsec space and continue to play then they have learned something and can begin to contribute.

    If they stay and die repeatedly then they probably buy PLEX and that's good for CCP.

    If they buy a permit and show support for the lawfully elected highsec administration then everyone wins. Yay civilization!

    If they rage and cry and quit then they didn't belong, and were not going to help EVE anyway, so fuck 'em. Who cares if they shardani or greer or whatever, as long as they do it somewhere else. ;)


  8. Skip the crying anons, I'll be the first to post a real comment:

    That carebear had it coming. And he will be grateful some day.

    "For various reasons, EVE's newbies are coddled too much these days. People act like it's a bad thing when they lose a ship. EVE is built around spaceship combat. That means people lose ships. When ships blow up, that means the game is running smoothly. About a week into my own EVE experience, I was rummaging around in lowsec in a cruiser and was attacked by a random player. Within seconds, I'd lost my ship. It almost wiped me out, but I learned more about lowsec and EVE in that encounter of a few seconds than I had in the entire week leading up to it. It didn't occur to me to whine or petition or threaten to quit. That wasn't how an EVE player behaved."
    —Excerpt, James 315, 2016, But No One Ever Told Me About the Code

    1. Lol, not first, or even original, just copypasta there willie.

      "The lady doth protest too much, methinks"

  9. Replies
    1. Lawrence Lawton will send the gewnz after you if you make fun of him too much.

