Thursday, 17 February 2011

Vampires Suck


vampires suck

Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile killings have been happening to random people and the number one suspects are the Kardashians.

Vampire Sucks 5

Becca is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, including Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol) but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in the biology class, despite he thinks she smells of tuna. Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot.

matt lanter

Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle with a student without any harm to himself or Becca, the student being badly injured. He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, but reaching the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brother, Edward corrects her saying he is a vampire, though he only consumes animal blood and shows her the shiny bling he wears under his clothes.

chris riggi

The pair fall in love, and introduces Becca to his vampire family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward's family to relapse by her blood's scent and attempt to kill her but two of them get killed by being thrown into a piano and a sunbed. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber), knocking his head off with a baseball bat. Jack's head smashes Sheriff Frank's car window and he blames the Kardashians.


Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken for months (and screaming for hours) as she discovers that thrill-seeking activities evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain over losing Edward. But due to his strange puberty, Becca discovers he has become a Chihuahua as his "pack" arrive to maul another of the nomadic vampires.

Trailer for Vampires Suck

Edward has moved to Brazil and is now dating Lady Gaga but through a series of miscommunications, Edward believes Becca has killed herself and attempts to provoke the "Zolturi"—a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him—by standing naked in the sunlight at the site of the 'St. Salvatore's day' school prom. Becca rushes to the prom in a Porsche 911 to save Edward.

Chris RiggiMattLanter

Upon arrival, she is slowed down during the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls. She is unable to make it in time as Edward exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, an eclipse starts and thus concealing Edward's vampire nature as Becca gets him to safety. However after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire so their lives would be spared. He does so after Becca agrees to marry him if he makes her a vampire and his wife. The movie concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head by the head Jacob fangirl who shouts "Team Jacob, bitch!" (though surviving the blow), and ends up being attacked by the vampirized Becca.

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