Condom Conundrum

If you've been humoring me reading my blog for a while, you know that I LOVE free samples. But if you think all I get in my mailbox is little boxes of cereal and miniscule bottles of shampoo, think again: I happen to have a drawer full of *ahem* more adult samples.

"Really?" I bet you're thinking. "What could be more 'adult' than the Metamucil packet you got a few weeks ago?"

Okay, I said "adult," not "geriatric." And by adult, I mean ... *bow chicka wow wowww* ... ADULT. Like AstroGlide. And various forms of over-the-counter birth control (which we obviously haven't used much, since I've been pregnant for pretty much the last four years): several different kinds of condom and a mysterious packet that says "VAGINAL CONTRACEPTIVE FILM." It's been in there so long that it's probably expired and ineffective, but I envision a va-jay-jay full of plastic wrap and, well, it just doesn't seem so appealing.

Anyway, because it would seriously make me cry to get pregnant again right now - seeing as Coby just turned one month old yesterday - it's time to dip into The Drawer. And the first thing we happened to pull out was a sample of these:

(Photo from Funky Condom. No, I'm not making that up.)

Anyway, the sample came in a little flat cardboard package, which I threw into the kitchen trash. (After the fact, of course ... we weren't gettin' freaky on the counters or anything.) When I threw it away, I noticed that the trash was full and made a mental note to bag it up in the morning.

Fast-forward to the next morning. Colin goes to throw something away and gasps upon seeing - you guessed it - the amazingly awesome purple package in the trash can. So what does he do? Why, he digs it out, of course ... and runs around the house with it, waving it around excitedly, shouting "Envelope!"

"Put that back!" I say in a super overly-casual tone. Because, like, if I shriek about it he'll know it's from something I don't want to explain. "It's trash!"

"Mommy, it's just a box from some fabric softener," Colin says.

"Fabric softener. Yes," I reply affirmatively. "That's what it is. But it's still trash so ... please throw it away."

That trash is neatly bagged and sitting on the curb as we speak. Thank goodness the kid can't read.


  1. LOL, kids will find ANYTHING you want hidden - guarenteed!

  2. You crack me up. You can find the funny in anything! This is a good thing. A very, very good thing! You make my mornings start out brighter - so write faster.

  3. Ha! Thank goodness nobody decided to stop by at that exact moment. Actually pretty surprising, because thats how these stories usually end!

  4. Happy Thursday!

    I just gave you an award over at my place. :)

  5. You did a great job being casual.
    Fabric softener - ha!

    We used to tell Ashton that condoms were "Daddy's medicine" so he wouldn't want anything to do with the box / glitter gold packets.


  6. Haha.

    I'm amazed that you're even thinking about sex after only a month. I don't think I let my husband touch me again until Natalie was one.

    I'm kidding. I think.

  7. Hah, that's good. Reminds me of the time when I was young and just learned how to wash clothes. I took a packet out of my older brothers pants and took it to him in the living room where he was watching TV with our mom. I handed it to him and said "here's your lotion". I never understood why him and my mom looked at each other at the same time. Now I know why..condom wrapper, not lotion!

  8. OMG! I can't believe you are getting things like that sent to you!!! Are you mad woman!!! Baby is only a month've got at least another two weeks of excuses....surely? lol, only joking! When I finish the's taking me ages, there is an award for you.

  9. At least he didn't put it in his pocket and drag it out in public somewhere! LOL

  10. You forgot to say yet. He can't read YET. You best be careful with all that free-love! ;)

  11. Hahahahaha! My kids dig stuff out of the trash all the time and I have to argue with them about it. "But Moooooommmmm, this is my FAVORITE crumpled up piece of gum wrapper!"

  12. Thanks for the laugh!! Good one, I rememeber the times you think they will never find this and there it is in their hands, ugh!
    Glad he can't read yet too.

  13. Oh my! If only my kids couldn't read...that ended very early in our life. They started reading at 3 and are sometime too good at it! :)
    Visiting from SITS! Have a blessed day.

  14. the your title and subtitle. I've been fighting off the horrible mom frump for years.

    I went to a funeral the other day and the only thing I could think of was all the "mom butts" everywhere. You know what I mean, "the scoop". do we stop it?? I added myself as a follower. :)

  15. Mike and I are once again laughing out loud.


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