View from the Street: Which party is being the biggest jerk in Parliament today?

This was published 4 years ago


And the Anti-Safe Schools petition has gone bye-byes. Your news of the day, reduced to a snarky rant.

Sure, Parliament, why not just d--- about?

The Senate continued this week's floorshow on the theme "Watch the Self-Interested Political Parties Castigate Each Other For Their Self-Interest And Politics".

The Senate, today.

The Senate, today.

The general theme of the dance was the same as it's been all week - the government and Greens attempting to bring a vote on changing the senate ballot, while Labor and the majority of the crossbench indulge in increasingly desperate maneouvres to delay it - with each side accusing the other of putting their own interests ahead of those of the nation while angrily denying that they're doing anything wrong.

So today the Greens attempted to call the Labor-plus-crossbench's bluff from earlier in the week, where Liberal Democrat senator David Leyonjelm proposed tabling the Greens' own marriage equality legislation for debate. The Greens refused - amid howls of protest - and said they'd do so in the time allocated for private members bills on Thursday.


When that time arose, they pushed for a gag on debate and a vote in the hopes of getting the matter over with, and knowing that there was no way that this legislation would pass the lower house anyway. Labor, meanwhile, joined with the government to vote against an immediate vote, therefore leading to the rambling, pointless debate that followed.

Labor and the government blocked the vote for different reasons: Labor didn't want a vote in case it failed and was used as an argument against marriage equality, while the Coalition didn't want a vote just in case it passed and started being used as proof of support.

But even so: great to see the important issue of whether all Australian adults deserve the same civil rights is just a cudgel for parties to bludgeon each other with. Thanks a bunch, senate.

Run out that clock!

And why is a large slab of the Senate attempting to waste valuable sitting time debating legislation that they know can't pass?

Because today is the final sitting day of Parliament until May 10 - the date that the Budget is handed down.

That's unless everyone agrees to come back a week early - and the Greens and Labor have each indicated that they won't, not least because of the estimated $5 million that it would cost to resume Parliament on May 3.

That means that any changes to the upper house ballot have to be passed by the senate today, and then rushed downstairs to the House of Representatives for the government to sign off. There's no time set for Parliament to rise today so this can - and probably will - go on until the wee small hours of Friday. It may have passed by the time you read this, but expect it to be dragged out to downright silly lengths.

But even if it does pass, the chances of the government calling a double dissolution are now getting very slim, for several important reasons.

Those reasons!

First up, Turnbull lacks an obviously strong trigger with which to argue the need for a DD to the Governor General.

The best twice-unpassed legislation they have is their failure to pass a bill to abolish the Clean Energy Finance Corporation, but a) the CEFC has been economically successful and b) would make a mockery of the government's already-shaky argument that they take emissions reduction seriously, right before an election after the hottest year on record.

There's an argument that the bill to reintroduce the Australian Building and Construction Commission could act as a trigger, arguing that failure to pass is the same as the senate rejecting it (and has a nice "stop our too-powerful unions!" argument for the government to boot). However, the government actually blocked debate on the bill on Tuesday - which badly weakens the argument that the senate have been refusing to act on it.

They also lack a clear method to force the senate to return early unless the senate vote today to give Senate Leader Stephen Parry the authority to order a special sitting, which seems unlikely, and a DD has to be called by May 11 in order to make the deadline for a July election (which is the latest that a DD can be called).

So that means that Turnbull could be left with no option but a normal election, where only half the senate are up for re-election.

And all but one of the current crossbench - John Madigan - still have three years of their term left.

So, Malcolm. Still happy about winning the leadership the way you did? No creeping sense that you might have made a terrible, terrible mistake?

And things suddenly become clear!

In yesterday's V from the S we mentioned the government's odd-looking decision to introduce an "effects test" that would effectively limit big corporations - such as the major supermarket chains, for example - from using their market dominance to squeeze out smaller competitors.

And, as was pointed out, it was a move that seemed weirdly off-message. After all, adding new regulations to control the operations of the free market seems a strange decision by the free market party that pledged to eliminate regulation.

On Thursday the current Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull declared that this was an example of the government making "hard decisions", but it turns out that his description was incorrect on two points: it was neither hard nor a decision.

Beautiful unity!

See, if you thought "say, that protectionist kinda idea seems very in keeping with the attitudes of the National Party", then you'd be correct.

In fact, this was one of the things that Turnbull had to pledge before the Nationals agreed to support his leadership back in September, along with other edicts including no changes to policies on climate change or same-sex marriage. In other words, this was less "hard" than "already decided", and less a decision than a condition.

Still, can't blame him for trying to make a virtue out of a stone-cold necessity to protect the Coalition. Even if it once again demonstrates how little he's actually running the shop.

Dude, where's my childish petition?

And the government's joy at watching Labor and the Greens fight among themselves might be a little tempered by the sight of the Coalition continuing their proud recent tradition of tearing each other apart.

After yesterday's temper tantrum by conservative MPs furious that the Safe Schools program wasn't the homosexual recruitment manual they kept pretending it was, Nationals MP George Christensen wrote a petition to have the program immediately defunded.

The plan was that he would then present the petition to the PM as triumphant proof that the fevered imagination of right wing zealots is more important than petty matters like "reality" or "the safety of children".

Except then he apparently lost it. Clever boy!

With friends like these…

Fellow anti-anti-bullying enthusiast Cory Bernardi confirmed that "the whereabouts of the petition is unknown", while Christensen's office couldn't confirm or deny it - possibly because they'd lost their phone along with the petition.

The absence of the petition shouldn't dissuade Bernardi or Christensen, though. After all, they can just make one up using their own imagination - you know, like they do with most of the evidence supporting their arguments.

And just in case there was any doubt that the Coalition is sensitive and mature on the subject of gender and sexuality, one yet-to-be-named MP told his colleagues during the review briefing that "You've got to understand – most little kids are confused, but when they grow up they become normal."

"Normal". Wow. Just… just wow.

With geniuses like this in positions of authority, Australia, the campaign leading up to the legally unnecessary half-billion dollar plebiscite on same-sex marriage is going to be… what's the opposite of "dignified, respectful and definitely not an excuse to attack LGBTI folks"?

The cocktail hour: rockin', rockin' and rollin'

Sometimes, just sometimes, the nation seems too ridiculous to comprehend.

So pour a strong one and have some utter silliness courtesy of US comic geniuses Bad Lip Reading. Let this play through your head every time you see someone from the senate arguing why everyone's acting in bad faith except them.

See you back here Sunday, friends, and cheers!

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