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Archive for December 15th, 2008

A Note About Women

Monday, December 15th, 2008

So the other day I was talking about boobies with some associates of mine.

I find boobies to be somewhat enigmatic… they’re like… well, have you ever seen an artificial hill?  Often when a landfill’s reached its capacity, a municipality will cover it in a large plastic shield and then put earth and grass on top.  Sometimes they turn these suckers into parks or golf courses or sometimes they just leave ’em for us to look at.  Boobies are like that.  Not in that they’re both aesthetically pleasing or potentially functional, but in that it’s like just a heap of shit under a nipple and some soft flesh.  And yet, we men are drawn to them.  Little ones, big ones, gargantuan ones, novelty ones; innies, outies, roundabouts; for every kind of boobie there’s an eager fellow itchin’ for a squeeze.

And it seems to me women just don’t really think all that much about their lady-berries.  Sure they try to buy clothes that make them look pronounced, they’ll stuff their bras with tissues, they’ll pay thousands of dollars to get silicone sacks stuffed into their chests.  But to most, I believe, that stuff’s no different than how we men shave our beards or cut our hair.  It doesn’t really matter to us, we just adhere to a certain aesthetic because we think looking decent will make women want to talk to us.  We don’t care about our hair like we care about our dicks.  To the ladies, their boobies are like a special elbow or a really mushy chin, just another body part that only matters because we like it so much.

Another thing about women that I was lecturing a young fan of the site about: their bodies are like giant penises.  You could say they’re made entirely of Guitar Hero dick flesh–only the buttons aren’t as colorful and the game tends to be more frustrating.  The DLC costs a fuckton too.  But they’re compatible with a huge range of peripherals so you don’t have to worry about buying different controllers for different versions.  Not like that Rockband/Guitar Hero bullshit.  There are some cheat codes, but you could save a whole lot of a time buy simply investing in a GameShark-equivalent.

I think I ought to teach high school sex ed…

Polkster has his own site, and if you click here it will make him squeal with delight.