Why Am I So Unhappy?

Catherine Pratt, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Happiness flows naturally when you've resolved all of your unexpressed emotional pain.

We've all heard the advice of, "If you want to be happy then choose to be happy." It sounds so very simple, doesn't it? So, why is it so hard to just be happy? What's going on there?

I just finished reading the book, Clear The Path To Happiness: Powerful, Practical Steps To Become Happier, Feel Better, And Enjoy Living by Paul Colaianni and he offers some interesting ideas as to why it's so hard to just be happy.

He says you can't seek happiness and you can't achieve happiness just by telling yourself to think positive. He believes that happiness is something that naturally occurs and that "Positive thinking will happen naturally after you've worked through and released deep rooted negative emotions."

This is actually a great way of thinking about it. If you can clear those underlying, painful emotions then your happiness should begin to shine once again.

Another important point he makes is that positive thinking doesn't work if you're using affirmations and willpower to stuff down the emotional pain you're feeling deep inside. It's far better to address the painful thoughts and feelings and work on resolving them. Once you do that, you'll learn valuable lessons from them but also be free from the emotional distress.

When you're no longer bothered by deep down emotions, you'll be happy.

It's definitely a different approach than trying to just "be" and be happy.

Where do I go from here?

Okay, so now you know that in order to be happy you need to resolve past trauma and negative emotions within yourself.

That sounds easy but it's going to require courage on your part to explore some deep down emotions that you've probably been carrying around with you since childhood.

It's also important to be aware that this most likely isn't going to be an instanteous process. This can be the start though.

Ask yourself what is making you unhappy? Remember that it's not going to be your mate or your job or that you don't have enough money. It's an emotion inside of yourself that's preventing you from being happy. The external elements like your mate can certainly be triggers to those underlying emotions but they're not the sole cause.

Ask yourself what are the deep emotions that you haven't faced or dealt with? Figure out what do you need to do to be able to finally release those feelings.

For a lot of people, the pain actually comes from not being their true selves. They may not know why but they just sense that something is blocking them from being the person they know they were meant to be. They can't live to their full potential because there's some kind of internal obstacle in the way. If you grew up with a tough childhood or a neglected childhood, I'd recommend that you check out the concept of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

A great book to get you started is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA by Pete Walker.
You're going to have to face your demons to find your happiness.

Another reason for possibly feeling unhappy all the time is if you didn't receive validation from your parents during childhood. A great book which discusses this topic in much greater detail is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

The good news is that there's lots of different ways of being able to release these feelings. It's a matter of finding the techniques that work for you. Different approaches will work for different people. So, if the first attempt you make at resolving these underlying negative emotions doesn't work, don't get frustrated with yourself. It's just a sign that you need to find a different approach.

Colaianni provides a few tips in his book on how to resolve your underlying emotions. If those aren't enough then some other ways to approach healing are:

  • counselling
  • web sites - check out The Overwhelmed Brain for some good articles plus I've got lots more articles on this site as well which might be just what you need.
  • meditation and mindfulness
  • awareness - pay attention to the situations that cause a reaction in you and ask yourself "why is this causing a reaction?" and "what emotions am I feeling right now?". Discovering why you react and act the way you do is incredibly powerful.
  • Start listening to yourself - take time for yourself and listen to what you're feeling and thinking deep down. Start exploring those emotions and keep digging deeper.

If you're feeling unhappy all the time and wonder why you can't just be happy then it's important to pay attention to that as a sign that you have underlying emotions to work through, resolve, and finally release.

Understanding yourself and releasing these negative feelings may be the most important thing you ever do.

Be free in your spirit always...do not waste your time attaching yourself to hurt  and pain.

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You can find even more information on my Pinterest Happiness board too:

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