Monday, March 30, 2009

An observation, a confession: taking the long way to the point.

I started this post with the intention of ranting about stupid women. Fact is I don't think they are stupid, just lost and a little unlucky. They deserve better. We all do.

I am astonished at how often I hear stories of women who allow the men in their lives to treat them badly. I'm not just talking about abuse, although that is the worst of it. I'm talking about men who stay out all night while the women is at home with the kids. Men who berate and undermine. Men who dictate what's allowed and what's not.

Huh? I don't get it. I don't understand how anyone could allow themselves to be treated like that. Yet it happens all the time or so I hear.

I've never experienced a situation quite like the ones above, but this is as close as I will ever come.

I was once in a relationship with someone who was extremely selfish. Right from the beginning he told me that he was who he was and either I went along with it or I could leave. At the time I was desperate to be loved, so I went along with it. While he never treated me poorly, he made it clear that he was the only one who was important to him. For example, he refused to make dinner for me EVER. He would make dinner for himself, but never for me. We were together for a year and he couldn't tell you the names of my parents or any one of my 3 brothers. I guess he just wasn't interested in me.

One Easter I had spent a few hours cooking us dinner. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, an assortment of veggies, gravy, dessert. It was a feast. I did it all myself while he sat on the couch and watched tv. It was time to cut the beef and mash the potatoes and I was only one person, so I asked if he could come help.
Me: Hey can you come cut the roast while I mash the potatoes
Him: No, you can do it
Me: What did you just say?
Him: I said no, I'm not doing it.
Him: *Shrugs shoulders.*
I was irrate. I finished by myself, dished myself up some food and threw the rest in the garbage. Fuck him. Do you know what he did? Nothing. Made himself a sandwich and said nothing. I knew then that I was done. DONE. I did not want that to be my life. He was who he was, and I finally chose to leave.

I know how easy it is to end up in a bad situation. I'm sure that had I stayed, the situation would have escalated into something worse. I had such low self esteem and I was convinced that no guy on this earth would think I was attractive. I thought that I had to take what I could get.


It all boils down to respect. Self respect. Every relationship in your life should be based on mutual respect. Partners, friends, family... every relationship.

If someone doesn't respect you, then they certainly don't love you.

That's the point.

Hard on shoes

In the last 6 months since I moved to Dawson Creek, I've gone through shoes like a mother fucker. I'm hard on shoes under normal circumstances but nothing like this. I've thrown away 6 pairs of shoes. SIX destroyed beyond repair. That's a pair of shoes for every month I've been here. I have 3 more pair in the fix-it shop. One pair is an iffy fix, so that number could climb to 7.

It's sad, I really loved those shoes. Where am I going to find another pair of lime green pumps, or plaid pink platforms, or fake grey snakeskin slingbacks with buckles. WHERE??? Should I hold a memorial service of some kind? It feels like the right thing to do.

On a positive note: HELLO NEW SHOES! I think I will need at least two pair for every pair lost to ease the suffering. THIS IS GOING TO WORK!! I can feel the GLEE already!

Sure it's $$$$ but foot hotness is a major life priority.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A little snot

It was recently brought to my attention that I have yet to post a follow-up to the blind date I had back in February.

Following the date, I was pretty certain that I was going to hear from this guy again. I was right. Even though he was out of town for the next 2 weeks at work, I heard from him 4 or 5 times via text message.

His messages were always this: "Hi. How are you?"

How freakin' lame? I mean how am I supposed to respond to that for the 3rd day in a row? I only responded to about half of those messages and only once. I complained loudly that I was annoyed he couldn't be bothered to be a little more creative in his attempts to communicate.

Don't worry, the girls at work put me in my place and told me I was being a snot. I tried to defend myself, but in the end I knew they were right. Truth is, had I liked him, I would have thought those messages sweet and been flattered that he was thinking of me.

Not long after my being knocked off my pedistal, he texted me to let me know he was back in town. After a couple back and forths I got the feeling he was fishing for me to ask him out. That wasn't going to happen. If he wanted to go out he was going to have to ask. He didn't. I never heard from him again.

Suits me fine, I wasn't keen on him anyway. I know I can be a little snot (my mother has said it, many, many times) so I didn't want to be too quick to judge and I may have given it another date. The out was there and easy so I took it.

Better luck next time.

I really would like to find someone. I'd like to have kids and I'd like them to graduate before I'm forced into retirement. I don't really know what my problem is... I'm outgoing, intelligent, semi-attractive, and I have a great sense of humor. WHAT MORE DO MEN WANT???? I don't get it.

Maybe it's me, maybe my standards are too high.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

O... oh no, not here

One of my favorite blogs is COOKIE BITCH

Today Cookie posts about orgasm research. She's completely hilarious but a little off base. This might be too much information but I'm afraid that I have to agree with the second article. It can happen! Now ladies, don't get excited. It's an inappropiate reaction, so I wouldn't call it pleasurable - more like uncomfortable. Honestly, there are so many better ways to go there. I'm sure it's different for everyone but the hip flex does it for me.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A real lazy sunday

Dear Andy Samburg

Yo Andy what's up!!! I'd like to start off by saying, I love you. I love to laugh and you make me laugh. I love you, I mean I REALLY love you. So please don't take this the wrong way, but your definition of a lazy sunday is a little, uhmm, let's say... ambitious.

You see, yesterday was sunday and *I* had a lazy sunday. I spent the entire day on my couch in my pjs. I rolled out of bed just after noon and wandered over to the couch. I left the couch only to pee and visit the refridgerator. I was even too lazy to drive out to my parents where my mom was offering a free home cooked meal. I turned down free food.

That my fine fine friend is lazy. You on the otherhand went for cupcakes and to a movie. Not only did you get dressed, but you left the house. When it comes to lazy, your effort is po. See how I'm even too lazy to finish the word poor, there's a lot I could teach you.

If you'd like you can come over and I could teach you how to be lazy. I am very good at it. Maybe after our lessons are through, you can take me to live with you in Awesometown. That would be awesome.


PS - I love you. And no I don't spend hours searching for videos of you on you tube. That's just crazy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Today I stepped into a time machine that landed in mid-december

Pretty sure today is the first day of spring. Pretty sure.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A fairy tale with a tragic ending that's not at all tragic.

Once upon a time there was a blonde girl who wasn't really a blonde. Shocking, I know but it happens. That girl moved to smalltownsville, leaving behind Jeremy Hairdresser - King and supreme proctector of beautiful hair. 1200km is just too far to go for a hair appointment, even for a self-indulgent princess.

Blonde girl (not really) was forced to find a new stylist in smalltownsville. This is a near impossible task that requires a lot of trial and error. However repeated error combined with bleach leads to hair so dry that it is no longer bendy. Anymore error and blonde girl (not really) would risk a chemical haircut resulting in patchy baldness, so she did the only thing she could. She went back to being a dark haired girl.

(Insert GASP here)

If you haven't guessed yet, blonde girl (not really) is me. It's been almost a week and I still cringe everytime I look in the mirror. I know I need to let it go, but its done a number on my self-esteem. I almost feel ugly. My hair is already 100 times healthier and it no longer makes that crunchy sound when I touch it, but I don't feel like myself. I'm having an identity crisis - who am I and where did my pretty blonde hair go?

Brown haired me:

I'll get over it eventually, but until then I'm just going to wallow in self pity and avoid mirrors whenever possible.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

This is human nature... I think

I just got an email from a friend of mine who was angry and looking for some support. First of all she should know by now that I'm no good at support. I almost always play the devils advocate, which was quite easy to do in this situation.

She was shopping with her baby in the stroller and went to try on some clothes. The big change room and the only change room that would fit the stroller had 2 ladies and baby in it. Now these ladies were taking their sweet ass time and she got impatient and tried to fit into a smaller change room. When she couldn't, she left angry. Angry that the group in the larger change room didn't offer it to her when obviously they could take turns in the change room while the other watched kid, so she could have the big one. Her baby even started to cry a little.

My friend is super sweet and probably would have done just what she expected the others to do.

It's a good thing my friend wasn't around when I read her email, cause I laughed out loud at her naivity. Even more hilarious is the fact that she would send it to me. I'm pretty sure she knows better but maybe having a kid has caused her to forget how selfish and cynical I am.

I have a deep hate for people who shop in small stores with big strollers. I hate them because most days I only care about me, and they get in my way and impede my shopping experience. Oh, and if the kid starts to cry, then I feel an inner rage which causes me to punch the mom right in the face. So far 100% of the time this has occured only in my head. So far.

This is a total double standard, because if I'm shopping with someone who has kids, I expect everyone else to get out of the way. I mean its obviously easier for them to maneuvre than it is for someone with a stroller! Geez! Even when I'm a mom I'll probably hate OTHER people with strollers. Imagine, 2 strollers trying to get by each other in a store.

I can see the headline now:


Monday, March 16, 2009


I spent the weekend in Calgary this is the recap in list form.


5) Lions and Tigers and Bears - OH MY! We went to the zoo. I didn't see a lion, a tiger or a bear. But I did see a girafe, a kanagroo a hipopotamus, an elephant, a gorilla, a Koala...
4) +10 temperatures.
3) SHOPPING! It's not what you think. I didn't get that much. Some hair product, a tv series on DVD, Lulu pants... All stuff I can't get here so it was exciting for me, now stop laughing.
2) Visiting with friends I haven't seen in WAAAY too long.
1) Riding the greyhound and coming out the other end with my head still in tact.


5) Going shopping and realizing that my ass has grown a couple sizes - literally.
4) The colorblind, non-english speaking hairstylist. How does "I'd like to go a little darker blonde, like Jennifer Aniston" get translated into a chocolate brown color? I keep telling myself I look mysterious but in fact, I LOOK HOMELESS!
3) My PUBLIC Guitar Hero skills... I swear I'm SO much better when no one's around.
2) All you can eat sushi which isn't really ALL YOU CAN EAT. 3 orders / 90 minute maximum with limited amounts on a reduced menu hardly qualifies as all you can eat. More than I could eat? Yes. But that's not the point.
1) A broken down bus and an additional 3 hours spent at the depot in Edmonton. Just me and about 6 people off of Canada's most wanted list. Cool beans.

Okay, so I'm off to make an appointment at the diet clinic and feed my new pet Koala - They'll let you take anything on a bus. shhh.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I hate people who think they are better than everyone else

I spent the day in a seminar for work. We sat in table groups of 4 discussing how we rate the different aspects of employee engagement. There was this smug idiot in our group who wanted to be better than everyone else and always thought he was right.

Instructor: Okay everyone, I want you to do the next task in your group and discuss as you go.

Me: I think...

Guy 1: Ya I think that too

Guy 2: Okay so what do you think is next...

Me: Hey Guy 3 why so quiet, what do you think?

Guy 3: Oh I have something different, I did mine on my own

Me: Ya okay but let's talk about it. What do you think?

Guy 3: I'll tell you when you are done.

Me: Uhmmm that wasn't the assignment. We are supposed to discuss. How about we trade you with another table for someone who follows instructions? It's not a competition.

Was that bitchy? I don't get it. There was no right or wrong answer, no benefit AT ALL to not sharing your answers. In fact without discussion, the course would be useless.

at least I kept myself from saying this to the same guy:

"Enough, can you stop talking when the instructor's talking. We aren't in grade school and you aren't funny"

I did say it though, 3 TIMES. IN MY HEAD.

Don't even get me started on the whiney girl at the next table who kept making sure the instructor knew how great she was and thought everyone was copying off her. I still have another day of these people. Help me.


Sometimes I do things I don't even understand...

This morning I woke up at 5:30 to go to the gym. I get ready, and go outside. I open the door and OMG. ITS FUCKING COLD OUT! I'm talking the kind of cold that instantly makes your fingers sting inside your mittens. Thank your lucky stars if you've never experienced this.

My car barely starts, I obviously have to let it run for a bit before I can go to the gym. I go back inside the house for about 20min before I wander back outside and drive to the gym.

I get to the gym, park, open the door to get out... this is when it hits me. ONLY STUPID PEOPLE DO THINGS IN THIS TYPE OF WEATHER. So I don't get out, I close the car door and drive back home to get ready for work.

Now this all made perfect sense at the time... but the gym is not an outdoor facility, I was already there, the hard part was done. Why didn't I go in? I blame a frozen and obviously malfunctioning brain.

In fact I took a picture of myself this morning...

Cute eh?

Friday, March 6, 2009

When you're elegant...

Funny things happen to you! I got this in a email today and it made me giggle.

BACKGROUND:A girl was out with friends having drinks on King St. in Toronto. This guy approaches (Dimitri) her and won't leave her alone - saying how cute she is. She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card.

Why do I feel like I've met Dimitri?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Wednesday, I'm in love

He's soooooo dreamy! I just found him on the internet and hope to make him mine. Hopefully he's still available.

I'm in love!!!