There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 195,138,216 Issue: 825 | 27th day of Eating, Y20

The Devilpuss: Is it the Petpet for you?

by phoned




     Part 1: What is a Devilpuss?

     The Devilpuss is a small, pink Petpet found across central Neopia. They originated in the Haunted Woods, and are officially classed as Spooky Petpets, but they found in many other regions, and can have slight regional variances. Although no one knows for sure where the Devilpuss originated from, some speculate that they came into being as a result of a spell-gone-wrong by Edna the Witch involving an Angelpuss, a Deviled Negg, and an out-of-date tuna casserole.

     The Devilpuss is about the size and shape of a Chokato, except that instead of being a delicious vegetable it’s a compact ball of teeth, fur, and anger. It walks on two large paws adorned with sharp claws and is surprisingly adept at jumping for such a small creature. It is also alarmingly fast and can be almost impossible to outrun if it is in pursuit. On its back are two small wings which, while not large enough to generate true flight, are used to facilitate gliding when necessary. Its tail is its most valuable appendage; it is very strong and dexterous with a sharp point at the end. Devilpi use their tails to hang from things, to grip things, to pick things up, and they are often used as a weapon.

     The most famous Devilpuss is one of the Chapter 5 bosses in NeoQuest II. The NQII Devilpuss had grown to the size of a house and taken every Devilpuss trait to the extreme: it was angry, it was strong, it was mean, and it didn’t want anyone to tell it what to do. It had taken over the ruined city of Cumulonimbus and was terrorising the locals. All Devilpi see this character as their ultimate role model. All Devilpi secretly desire their own village, town, or city to terrorise, just like the mighty Devilpuss. However, their small stature means that they must settle for something smaller and more manageable. Like your home.

     Ultimately, the Devilpuss is a challenge. It is not a Petpet for the faint-hearted, or the meek, or the medically infirm. However, if you are not afraid of a little hard work, mild peril and some destruction in your home, then the Devilpuss is the perfect pet for you.

     Part 2: What to expect from your Devilpuss

     Owning a Devilpuss is something of a love-hate relationship. Mostly you will love it and it will hate you. The main thing you need to remember is that your Devilpuss will not see you as a master, or a protector, or even a caregiver. It will mainly see you as a combination of prey and mild annoyance. As I mentioned above, the primary goal of a Devilpuss is to wreak havoc and destruction over their own patch of territory. When you adopt a Devilpuss your home becomes its territory, and you become its primary target in its never-ending reign of terror. This can be mitigated somewhat by knowing what to expect and how to avoid particular traps.

     Devilpi love to bite ankles, mainly because they’re at the right height and easily accessible. Avoid this by always wearing a pair armoured boots; after the first few attempts to bite through the steel your Devilpuss will retreat to plot its revenge on a more vulnerable part of your body.

     Your Devilpuss will stage an ongoing campaign of destruction in your home: pushing things off shelves, chewing holes in your clothes, tying shoelaces together, taking a single bite out of every item in your fruit bowl, sitting on shampoo bottles until their contents has emptied out, and much more. I have found that most of these are unfortunately unavoidable, and the more you attempt to prevent them from happening, the more creative your Devilpuss will get in its schemes against you.

     They also enjoy campaigns of psychological terror, and will work hard to damage your psyche if they can’t get through your physical armour. They are known to steal individual socks from pairs to build their nest, decorating it with buttons torn from shirts, and shiny pieces of jewellery stolen from your bedroom. Avoid this by owning nothing nice and wearing all your clothes at once.

     Your Devilpuss may sometimes display affection towards you. It may look to sit in your lap or on your shoulder, or seek out your company simply to be near you. While this may seem like a long-awaited victory for you as a Devilpuss owner, I caution you to beware. Your Devilpuss is likely to be using this period of truce as an information-gathering mission so that it can fine-tune its next assault against you. Once it learns your weaknesses and your routine, and gains your trust, it is a much more formidable foe. Enjoy the snuggles and playtime for now, but remain ever vigilant. The next wave of terror is always approaching.

     Part 3: Feeding your Devilpuss

     Devilpi are fairly easy to feed and maintain. It is the easiest part of being a Devilpuss owner. They mostly eat meat, and enjoy it most when it’s raw. You will most often be feeding them several Blumaroo Steaks throughout the day. New Devilpuss owners ALWAYS underestimate how much to feed their Devilpuss, and a hungry Devilpuss is a dangerous Devilpuss. For some reason, perhaps some residual magic from Edna’s original spell misfire, Devilpi can eat several times their own weight and mass in meat in a single sitting. No one understands how this can be, or where it all goes, but I personally have seen my own Devilpi devour an entire Kau worth of meat in a single sitting only to come snapping for treats an hour later. If your Devilpuss becomes bored of Blumaroo Steak or Stick-O-Mynci, then you can offer them most Spooky Foods and they will be satisfied. They don’t particularly like sweet stuff or fresh fruit and vegetables, so avoid these unless you want to find them half-chewed in a pair of your favourite shoes or under your pillow.

     The perfect treat for a Devilpuss is a Devil Muffin. Nothing will excite your Devilpuss more than the offer of a freshly baked Devil Muffin. Always use a pair of tongs to feed your Devilpuss its favourite muffin, no matter how friendly it seems, unless you want to join the legions of Devilpuss owners who are missing fingers.

     Conclusion: Still unconvinced?

     If you’ve reached the end of this article and still don’t know if you want a Devilpuss or not, that’s alright. These Petpets are very hard work, and are not suited for everyone. Most people want a Petpet who is loveable, cuddly, and pleasant. You won't get this from a Devilpuss. Owning a Devilpuss is not just having a Petpet, it’s a lifestyle choice. A lifestyle of fear, chaos, and unpredictability. Make sure that choice is right for you, then join the rest of us on the Devilpi side of life.

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