mtv. and a rantie.

our twitter friends are well-aware of bras and ranties’ obession with the hills and the city, but in the instance you late adopters remain unawares, we thought we’d take this opportunity to self promote. of course!

all in all we are much more enjoying the city than the hills (though we do adore spencer pratt and we squealed when we saw he was following us) but the city’s got the clothes, the bitch and the boys. we mean, really.
sadly, over the hills we see speidi wrapped up in some producer-fauxed baby mama drama, with heidi now psychoanalazying her psychotic decision to go off the birth control pill and surprise dear spencer with a baby. bras and ranties boos.
however unbeknownst to mrs pratt, she’s quite inspired bras and ranties this evening. in fact, her mistake is our very gain. you see, heidi has made us realize this: every single woman who is engaged should go off the pill before marrying her husband.
bras and ranties aint no biologist, but we do know that the pill tricks a woman’s body (with hormones from a horse, by the by) into thinking she is pregnant. month after month after month. for years. meaning every month – no egg.
when a woman is ovulating, she craves a different sort of man. these are the sort of men bras and ranties likes to call lumberjacks. they’re masculine, they’re huge, they protect us and they’re sweaty. they are exactly the sort of man nature inclines us to procreate with.
when a woman is not ovulating, her filter gets fucked up. those hormones aren’t present, so the man-bar gets lowered. she lets whiny guys, investment wankers, and douchebags get places they were not intended. she marries him, goes off the pill, hates his guts, and the divorce rate continues to climb.
like, non?



10 thoughts on “mtv. and a rantie.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    would this explain why you're not married yet? lol. nice try.

  2. AOK says:

    SOOO very true.

    I think any women who has been on the pill for a substantial length of time will tell you how good she felt going off, how all of a sudden her emotions weren't out of wack, she wasn't getting migraines or crying for no reason and most certainly I noticed my attitude towards people changed. Those I once put up with to be polite, I could really no longer be bothered to even pretend to tolerate and all in all, you have this overwhelming feeling of being very free.

    I guess maybe it's true what they say… Free your mind and the rest will follow.

  3. admin says:

    bras and ranties isn't ever getting married. this has zero to do with the birth control pill, and everything to do with the fact that we find the concept explicitly boring. that's a whole other rantie, however.

  4. misshoax says:

    hilarious. and a very interesting viewpoint. in any event, the pill is the devil in an easy-to-swallow format, fin.

  5. Emma Farquharson says:

    I was on the pill for like 6 years…finally went off it and what-d'ya know! My cycle is messed! Been messed for about a year now… BOO the pill!!! Booooooo I say!

  6. AOK says:

    Same here! it's been a year since I went off and am just getting back to 'normal' if you will. It really is the devil!

    And yes, why is everyone so bent on getting married??? That's just crazy!!!

  7. Anonymous says:

    but dont you think that if you already knew what it was that you seeked in a partner prior to being on the pill, that after going on it, your mindset would still be the same? i think so. the only thing i can actually see it affecting is your "smell" which in turn affects the men you attract to yourself (getting scientific here)-get what im saying? mind you, this is coming from a males perspective which i believe this could used a flimsy excuse for ones decisions. esp. when you had already had your mind made up in what it was that you liked in someone. but maybe some just don't know?

  8. admin says:

    know what we wanted in a partner prior to being on the pill?? we've been on the pill since 16 my man! and we'd venture to guess we're not alone, most girls started early and haven't taken breaks at all.

  9. iamlaurarogers says:

    i too heard about this phenom on the cbc the other day. my choice has always been to be pill-free while single (wrap-em, boys!), then to go on the pill when boy becomes boyfriend, and earns the right to some skin-on-skin.

    but even though i've managed to avoid this curious hormonal pitfall of the pill, my choices in men have been no more successful than yours, B&R.

    of course that assumes that marriage is the ultimate goal of dating, which i would contest as well. each man i've been with has felt right for the time, which is really all i ask out of life and love.

  10. b. says:

    I've been off le pill for about 4 months now, and I feel SANE. Before, I was crying all the time, irrational drunkard, and just overall crazy.

    My cycle is messed, and unfortunately I seem to have a bit of acne happening on my face since going off (I was on it since I was 14), but I think I'll choose my sanity.

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