11 Signs You’re The Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

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11 Signs You’re The Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

Imagine this: your entire reality has been warped and distorted. You have been mercilessly infringed, manipulated, lied to, ridiculed, demeaned and gaslighted into believing that you are imagining things. The person you thought you knew and the life you built together have been shattered into a million little fragments.

Your sense of self has been eroded, diminished. You were idealized, devalued , then jostle off the pedestal. Perhaps you were even replaced and disposed multiple times, only to be ‘hoovered’ and enticed back into an abuse cycle even more torturous than before. Maybe you were relentlessly stalked, harassed and bullied to stay with your abuser.

This was no normal break-up or relationship: this was a set-up for covert and insidious murder of your subconsciou and sense of safety in the world. Yet there may not be visible scars to tell the tale; all you have are broken pieces, fractured memories and internal battle wounds.

This is what narcissistic abuse looks like .

Psychological violence by malignant narcissistscan include verbal and emotional abuse, toxic projection, stonewalling, sabotage, smear campaigns, triangulation along with a plethora of other forms of coercion and control. This is imposed by someone who absence empathy, demonstrates an excessive sense of entitlement and engages in interpersonal exploitation to meet their own needs at the expense of the rights of others.


When we are in the midst of an ongoing abuse cycle, it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what we are experiencing because abusers are able to twist and turn reality to suit their own needs, engage in intense love-bombing after abusive incidents and persuade their victims that they are the ones who are abusers.

If you find yourself experiencing the eleven symptoms below and you are or have been in a toxic relationship with a partner that disrespects, invalidates and mistreats you, you may simply ought to have terrorized by an emotional predator 😛 TAGEND

1. You experience dissociation as a survival mechanism .

You feel emotionally or even physically detached from your environment, experiencing interruptions in your memory, perceptions, consciousness and sense of self. As Dr. Van der Kolk( 2015) writes in his volume,, “Dissociation is the essence of trauma. The overwhelming experience is split off and fragmented, so that the feelings, sounds, images, thoughts and physical sensations take on a life of their own.”

Dissociation can lead to emotional numbing in the face of horrific circumstances. Mind-numbing activities, obsessions, cravings and repression may become a way of life because they give you an escape from your current reality. Your brain discoveries ways to emotionally block out the impact of your pain so you do not have to deal with the full terror of your circumstances.

You may also develop traumatized’ inner parts’ that become disjointed from the personality you inhabit with your abuser or loved ones( Johnston, 2017 ). These inner parts can include the inner child proportions that were never nurtured, the true anger and disgust you feel towards your abuser or specific areas of yourselves you feel you cannot express around them.

According to therapist Rev. Sheri Heller( 2015 ), “Integrating and reclaiming dissociated and disinherited aspects of the personality is largely dependent on constructing a cohesive narrative, which allowed to the assimilation of emotional, cognitive, and physiological realities.” This inner integration is best done with the help of a trauma-informed therapist.

2. You walk on eggshells .

A common symptom of trauma is avoiding anything that represents reliving the trauma- whether it be people, places or activities that pose that menace. Whether it be your friend, your partner, your family member, co-worker or boss, you find yourself constantly watching “what youre saying” or do around this person lest you incur their wrath, penalty or become the object of their envy.

However, you find that this does not work and you still become the abuser’s target whenever he or she feels entitled to use you as an emotional punching bag. You become perpetually anxious about’ provoking’ your abuser in any way and may avoid confrontation or setting borders as a result.


3. You put aside your basic needs and longings, sacrificing your emotional and even your physical security to please the abuser .

You may have once been full of life, goal-driven and dream-oriented. Now you feel as if you are living only to fulfill the needs and agendas of another person. Once, the narcissist’s entire life seemed to revolve around you; now your entire life revolves around.

You may have placed your goals, hobbies, relationships and personal safety on the back burner only to ensure that your abuser feels’ satisfied’ in the relationship. Of course, you soon realize that he or she will never genuinely be satisfied regardless of what you do or don’t do.



You find yourself unable to sleep or experiencing terrifying nightmares when you do, reliving the trauma through emotional or visual flashbacks that bring you back to the site of the original meanders( Walker, 2013 ).

5. You develop a permeating sense of mistrust .


6. You experience suicidal ideation or self-harming tendencies .


As Dr. McKeon( 2014 ), chief of the suicide prevention branch at SAMHSA notes, victims of intimate partner violence are twice as likely to attempt suicide multiple times. This is the way abusers basically commit murder without a trace.

7. You self-isolate .

Many abusers isolate their victims, but victims also isolate themselves because they feel ashamed about the abuse they’re experiencing. Given the victim-blaming and fallacies about emotional and psychological violence in society, victims may even be retraumatized by law enforcement, family members, friends and the harem members of the narcissist who might invalidate their concepts of the abuse.

They fear no one will understand or believe them, so instead of reaching out for help, they decide to withdraw from others as a style to avoid judgment and reprisal from their abuser.

8. You find yourself comparing yourself to others, often to the fullest extent of blaming yourself for the abuse .

A narcissistic abuser is highly skilled at manufacturing love triangles or bringing another person into the dynamic of the relationship to further terrorize the victim. As a result, victims of narcissistic abuse internalize the fear that they are not enough and may constantly strive to’ compete’ for the abuser’s attention and approval.

Victims may also compare themselves to others in happier, healthier relationships or find themselves wants to know why their abuser appears to treat complete strangers with more respect. This can send them down the trapdoor of wondering, “why me? ” and stuck in an abyss of self-blame. The truth is, the abuser is the person who should be blamed – you are in no way responsible for being abused.

9. You self-sabotage and self-destruct .

Victims often find themselves ruminating over the abuse and hearing the abuser’s voice in their minds, amplifying their negative self-talk and propensity towards self-sabotage. Malignant narcissists’ program’ and condition their victims to self-destruct- sometimes even to the point of driving them to suicide.

Due to the narcissist’s covert and overt put-downs, verbal abuse and hypercriticism, victims develop a tendency to penalise themselves because they carry such toxic dishonor. They may sabotage their goals, dreams and academic quests. The abuser has instilled in them a sense of worthlessness and they begin to believe that they are undeserving of good things.

10. You fear doing what you love and achieving success .

Since many pathological predators are envious of their victims, they penalise them for succeeding. This conditions their victims to associate their elations, interests, talents and areas of success with cruel and callous treatment. This conditioning gets their victims to fear success lest they be met with reprisal and reprimand.

As a outcome, victims become depressed, anxious, lack confidence and they may hide from the spotlight and allow their abusers to’ steal’ the present again and again. Realize that your abuser is not undercutting your gifts because they genuinely believe you are inferior; it is because those gifts threaten their control over you.

11. You protect your abuser and even’ gaslight’ yourself .

Rationalizing, minimizing and denying the abuse are often survival mechanisms for victims in an abusive relationship. In order to reduce the cognitive dissonance that erupts when the person who claims to love you mistreats you, victims of abuse convince themselves that the abuser is really not’ all that bad’ or that they must have done something to’ provoke’ the abuse.

It is important to reduce this cognitive dissonance by read up on the narcissistic personality and abuse tactics; this style, you are able to reconcile your current reality with the narcissist’s false self by recognizing that the abusive personality , not the charming facade, is their true self.

Remember that an intense trauma bond is often formed between victim and abuser because the victim is’ trained’ to rely on the abuser for his or her survival( Carnes, 2015 ). Victims may protect their abusers from legal repercussions, portray a happy image of the relationship on social media or overcompensate by’ sharing the blame’ of the abuse.

I’ve been narcissistically abused. Now what ?

If you are currently in an abusive relationship of different kinds, know that you are not alone even if you feel like you are. There are millions of survivors all over the world who have experienced what you have. This form of psychological torment is not exclusive to any gender, culture, social class or religion. The first step is becoming aware of the reality of your situation and validating it- even if your abuser attempts to gaslight you into believing otherwise.

If you can, journal about the experiences “youve been” going through to begin acknowledging the realities of the abuse. Share the truth with a trusted mental health professional, family violence advocates, family members, friends or fellow survivors. Begin to’ heal’ your body through modalities like trauma-focused yoga and mindfulness meditation, two practices that target the same parts of the brain often affected by trauma( van der Kolk, 2015 ).


It is not easy to leave an abusive relationship due to the intense trauma bonds that can develop, the effects of trauma and the permeating sense of helplessness and hopelessness that can form as a result of the abuse. Yet you have to know that it is in fact possible to leave and to begin the journey to No Contact or Low Contact in the cases of co-parenting. Recovery from this form of abuse is challenging, but it is well worth paving the route back to freedom and putting the pieces back together.

Works Cited
Bergland, C.( 2013, January 22 ). Cortisol: Why “The Stress Hormone” is public foe no. 1. Retrieved August 21, 2017.


Shahida Arabi

Shahida is the author of and the verse volume . She is a staff writer at Thought Catalog.

Read more: thoughtcatalog.com

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