Parenthood. Life. Down syndrome. Faith.

My life changed a lot when I found out my 3rd child would be born with Down syndrome. But then again, it really hasn't changed so much.

We're still living life, trusting God, raising our kids, and loving having a baby in the house.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Dear Baby L

Dear Baby L,
As I snuggle against your downy head and breathe in your baby scent, your hair tickles my nose.  Our time together is drawing quickly to a close.  There are some things I want you to know.

First, I love you.  You're the first child aside from the ones I've given birth to that I've truly loved.

I knew that it might be hard to raise someone else's child.  And in many ways, it is hard.  I don't get to make all of the decisions, I have to share that responsibility with the state and your mom.  But mostly, it's been very easy to raise you.  You have a sweet personality and your happiness sparkles in every expression.

I knew that it would be hard to see you leave us.  I don't really know yet what that will be like, but I think, in some ways, it will be easier than I imagined.  Your mama is doing so well; I'm proud of her.  She's certainly earned the right to try being your mama full-time.  It feels like a victory, even though she's the one who has done all the work.  She loves you so much and she's ready for you to go home to her.

I don't know how much I'll get to see you after you leave.  I suppose, at first, I'll see you fairly often.  But over time, the visits will wane as we, and your mama, move on with life.  But know this...there will always, always, be a place for you in our home.  You will always occupy our hearts. 

They tell us that we'll never forget our first foster baby.  You're not actually our first, but you're the first one to live with us for any length of time.  You're the first one to call me "mama" and the first one who I've watched grow from a tiny baby into a busy toddler.  The first one who I'll miss.

I have some favorite memories that I will cherish forever.  Like the way you love to pull blankets over your head and then fight like crazy to get back out.  Or all the faces you make when you're trying new foods, or how you and Cade roll all over the house like two puppies.  I reach down now and pick you up for a hug.  You're breathing hard from playing so much, and you're squirming to get back down.  I let you go, my heart breaking a little as I realize that soon, I'll let you go for the last time.

Love always and forever,
Your second mama