To feel annoyed English will never become the main language in DP's life...

(164 Posts)
chicoingles Mon 17-Jun-13 22:34:11

Hi there,

My DP is Spanish and would say she was fluent in English (very good English accent and only noticeable she is foreign when she pronounces certain words, but you couldn't guess she was Spanish at all) but when she gets angry/is tired tends to switch to Spanish. We have been together for 7 years now and it has always been like this, although we did spend the first 4 years of our relationship mainly speaking in Spanish, whereas now we mainly speak English. I do have have a degree in Spanish but feel our relationship works better in English. AIBU thinking English will never become totally natural for her? Would be very interested in hearing the opinions of any foreign ladies who have an English DP.

Jinsei Tue 18-Jun-13 22:58:36

But surely it's pretty obvious when you marry a "foreigner" that you won't share the same language or cultural references. Bit late to start thinking about it now...

ToysRLuv Tue 18-Jun-13 23:03:25

Sure, Jinsei. I think so too. Doesn't mean that you couldn't be a teeny tiny bit sad about it. Starting a thread about it on mumsnet, however, means that it might be an unhealthily big issue to the OP, which could indicate a problematic relationship as a whole.

Jinsei Tue 18-Jun-13 23:05:01

Sad, yes - perhaps. But annoyed??!

ToysRLuv Tue 18-Jun-13 23:06:57

Oh, right, yes, I had forgotten about that initial wording.. no, not annoyed. Larger problems below the surface is my guess.

LizTerrine Tue 18-Jun-13 23:08:17

But, but, but...

What is the OP actually talking about?

I still don't understand!

ZZZenagain Tue 18-Jun-13 23:29:49

"...I sometimes just feel I would like it if she spoke in English all the time."

I think you need to find out why you sometimes feel like this. What would be different if she spoke in English all the time and why would that be better?Does it feel as if there is a part of her which you don't really know because it is too foreign? I have been with men whose mother tongue was not English and I have never wished they would stick to English all the time. I suppose it just has never crossed my mind that it would be a problem so long as I could understand what was being said.

I could understand it if you worried that her language acquisition had stagnated and that this was limiting her in some way, perhaps professionally or otherwise in her daily life - but you say she taught English in Spain when you met, speaks without a foreign accent and speaks English better than you speak Spanish.

MummyAbroad Tue 18-Jun-13 23:34:11

but OP, you are comparing a non bilingual couple - your friend CANT communicate in her own language because her partner wouldnt understand her - That is entirely different from your situation where you and your DP both speak each others language but you just WANT her not to speak her own because you prefer it that way.

ZZZenagain Tue 18-Jun-13 23:35:32

Yes, to answer your OP, English will become totally natural to her, maybe it already is but her inner being was largely formed by her childhood and young adult years in Spain. That is who she is and she will probably never want to let go of that. I think really only people who are leaving bad experiences behind are likely to be willing to give up their native language completely. If you spoke no Spanish, of course she would be speaking to you entirely in English, she would have no choice but since you speak Spanish well, she is not excluding you by speaking her mother tongue, rather it is inclusive, it is something you share.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 18-Jun-13 23:37:50

Is this still going?! You people are very patient. What a load of shite.

MadonnaKebab Wed 19-Jun-13 02:38:41

OPs fantasy Spanish GF has a sexy accent but speaks English at all times and is completely culturally English
His reality GF wishes to retain her own language & culture as well as embrace his. She has even had the effrontery to lose the sexy accent.
That's what he's annoyed about

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Wed 19-Jun-13 04:21:05

^^ Bingo.

exoticfruits Wed 19-Jun-13 06:55:45

Summed up Madonna- nothing more to add- except he is lucky she puts up with him.

Bonsoir Wed 19-Jun-13 07:37:19


I think this is right. The adults I know who have adopted a language that they didn't learn in early childhood as their first language all grew up in traumatic/dysfunctional families.

I think Madonna has nailed it.

He likes her sexy looks, the accent was "exotic" when they just met. But now, he just cant be bothered about the Spanishnes about her. It is his true xenophobe resurfacing. wink

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