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'Glee' Recap: The First Time

Let's talk about sexy, baby, 'Glee' style.

S-e-x was the topic of conversation tonight on 'Glee.' After a vanilla version of "Tonight" from West Side Story by Rachel and Blaine, aka Maria and Tony, Artie asks them about their lack of passion. Both the main characters admit to being virgins and waiting for the right person. But Artie's concerned they won't be convincing to the audience. After all, WSS is about teenage sexual awakening.

Sparks fly when Blaine revisits Dalton as the Warblers are performing their rendition of "Uptown Girl." They're still good, but they're better with Blaine and everyone knows it. While at Dalton, Blaine meets his "replacement," Sebastian. The new lead describes Blaine as "sex on a stick and sings like a dream." And I'd have to agree. There appears to be some sexual chemistry between the two, but that could just be wishful thinking on my part.

Not that I condone cheating, I fully support monogamous relationships, but Sebastian seems way more exciting than Kurt. And did I mention Sebastian is a better dancer? I have a soft spot for good dancers–gay, straight, or otherwise.

I had a feeling Sebastian would shake things up between Kurt and Blaine and he did not disappoint. He invites the twosome to Scandals, a gay bar, where Sebastian and Blaine dance the night away. Uh oh, love triangle!

Things get heated in the parking lot of Scandals between Kurt and Blaine (aka "Blurt"), but for all the wrong reasons. Blaine claims he's drunk and attempts to engage in some backseat loving, but Kurt shuts him down and rightfully so. He doesn't want his first time to be in a backseat with his drunk bf who just spent half the night dancing with some other dude. You go, Kurt!

Meanwhile, in Rachel and Finn Land, (perhaps we shall call them "Fachel"? nah...doesn't have the same ring as "Blurt), Finn has the house to himself and invites Rachel over. Finn goes to Puck for advice on which condoms to use. Umm, Finn, why would you ask Puck? Obviously he doesn't use condoms, or else he probably wouldn't have gotten Quinn preggers. Hellooo.

Finn goes through the effort of making dinner with sparkling cider (my fave!) and he even bought Sarah Lee pound cake. As he's about to prepare dessert, Rachel suggests they just "cuddle" by the fireplace. Finn wants to make sure Rachel's first time is special and even suggests doing it at a nice place, "like a Marriott or something." But Rachel ruins the mood when she confesses she wants to have sex to act better...and, oh yeah, because she loves Finn.

Afterward, Rachel calls a Glee Girl Powwow and the ladies share their reasons why Rachel should or should not wait to have sex. Quinn, former head of the school's chastity club, advises Rachel to wait because your virginity is "something you can never get changes you." Santana agrees, but for different reasons. Apparently Finn is no stud muffin in bed. Tina, however, says her first time with Mike Chang was special because it was with someone she loves. Aww.

In the end, the show must go on, despite Blaine and Rachel's lack of sexual experience. But they make up for it afterward with their respective lover. Bow chicka wow wow.

Fashion Gold Star: Goes to Santana. Seriosuly…where can I get my hands on those ah-mazing red dresses? Ay, mami!

Fashion Faux Pas: Dear Rachel, Can we please get rid of the schoolgirl socks? I know we're supposed to be 17 and all. But could you at least trade in the all-whites for some argyle? Love, L'Oreal

Moral of the Story: As Lil' Wayne would say "Safe sex is great sex. Better wear a latex. 'Cuz you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text. Wrap it up, kids!

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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