Stop Blaming Single Mothers














Actually, that is precisely what you're saying, albeit through assorted attempts to rationalize not getting married. The cold, hard statistics make it abundantly clear that marriage is the single most important factor in establishing a financially stable and supportive home environment for children.

You are mistaking statistical association for causality. See my post for details.

Exactly right Brubaker.

I am a title examiner by trade and spend a good part of my working day in family court, clearing title to homes of divorcing couples. Not only do I check the records of each case, from the petition to the final decree, but I often see the couples going their separate ways in an out of court. Ms. Marcotte's article captures the reality of what I see on a daily basis: that it is the lower income couples who rush into marriage when they are barely out of High School, whose marriages hit the rocks of 60 hour work weeks that barely keeps a roof over their heads, those are the people are lining up outside the Family Courts. And Ms. Marcotte's is right on target that it is often the very women who hold the most traditional values on marriage that wind up as single mothers. The smoke come out of my ears when I read the ignorant drivel of Douthat, Kristof, and the rest of them. Simply lecturing women to get married does not lead to financial stability - we need jobs that people can live on.

Kristof also failed to note that most single mothers are educated, and not just poor from a lack of finding a 'good' man. Also related is seeing how religion condemns women who may be sexually active(they would say promiscuous, but not use the same term for a young man who's just 'sowing his oats'). Here are a few related other grains of salt with which to take Kristof's nonsense with.
I take part in the work that those at do to show what it's like for single parents, single mothers. Just recently a report, and MRAs, note it is about single 'parents', but just so happens single mothers are in the majority of single parents:
"“Worst Off – Single-Parent Families in the United States, A Cross-National Comparison of Single Parenthood in the U.S. and Sixteen Other High-Income Countries” is an exhaustive, critical analysis of data and information drawn from a broad range of sources including government agencies, social scientists, and academic researchers worldwide. The scope of the report, with its impressive compilation of data and statistics, is a significant addition to the literature on social policies and an incisive analysis of the current circumstances and needs of single parents in the U.S. – the overwhelming majority of whom are single mothers."
Also, there's a pdf file report, about how "Women’s Poverty in the United States, 2011. Poverty Rate Remains High, Gender Poverty Gap Grows"

Oh, and thnx Amanda M for pointing Kristof to his own male biases.

Thank you!

I just wanted to voice my frustration about how I am treated and/ or spoken to about this subject.

I don't usually give out too many details about my personal life. I don't tell people that I'm divorced, I don't speak at all about my ex husband. Reason being, I am almost always with my kids and I don't want to speak ill about him while they are around.

However, when people find out that I have children and that I'm not married, they either assume a lot about me or ask very uncomfortable questions. Lots of strangers have actually asked me personal questions such as whether or not the children have the same father and how much he pays in child support each month. I've been asked these questions at dinner parties, by people I've just met....

Anyway, in my experience, people tend to think of one out of two images when they hear the term "single mom".

They either think, "super woman" which is a nice thought but wholly inaccurate. I'm not a super woman, although I do work my butt off, I'm just a regular mom.

Or, they think of a welfare abuser who has loads of kids by different people, has no education, is promiscuous, etc. etc.

Now maybe, because I was legally married, and am now legally divorced, a lot of people don't consider me a "true single mom" (but that's for another post), however people seem to view me in this way regardless, when we speak.

And none of this is true for me. I'm financially stable, I do not receive any help from anyone. I don't even have a babysitter for the weekends. I don't party, I have multiple degrees, and I have a career.

I don't look down my nose at any type of single mom whether she is like me or not. I'm just frustrated that people pigeonhole me and all single moms into one of those two categories, especially when you take into consideration that the term "single dad" does not evoke the same reaction.

In fact, there seems to be a total separation between single fathers and deadbeat dads, yet many people assume that single moms are deadbeat moms- deadbeat moms who just happen to have custody of their children.

Why, why, why, why do people believe this fallacy? There are plenty of single fathers out there- why is it single mom are vilified?

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