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11 June 2010

A whole fucking memory card full of pictures like this...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shocking evidence showing corruption at the highest levels of American governance failed to emerge today when I forgot to remove the lens cap while covertly taking photos of secret shady dealings between politicians, businessmen and prominent mafia figures. The would-be scandal would have implicated a number of high-level political figures, both Republicans and Democrats and would probably have lead to several resignations and a shaking-up of the political establishment. However, without the photographic evidence to back it up, newspaper editors won't print the story because it would be "unprofessional" and "libellous".

Seriously, this would have been bigger than Watergate, with big-name politicians caught red-handed accepting bribes from corporate America in return for political favours, like the awarding of large Federal contracts and the passing of business-friendly legislation. I probably would have won a Pulitzer and made loads of money speaking on college campuses. My days as a struggling freelancer would certainly have been over.

This would have been the culmination of six months of piecing together scraps of information from various high-level sources on Capitol Hill who I met under cover of night in empty parking lots and shady backrooms, which would have revealed a complex and intricate web of sleaze and corruption at the highest echelons of power and would almost certainly have lead to criminal charges being brought against potential future Presidential candidates and prominent business figures. But instead, all I have to show for my Woodward & Bernstein-esque sleuthing is hundreds of identical black photographs on an 8GB SD memory card.

Highly-placed sources within a certain arms manufacturer that I'm not allowed to name for legal reasons say that the trail has definitely gone cold and I have missed my only chance to break this story.

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