Old People All Drinking 'Energy Shots' Now

Have the elderly people around you been acting rather crackheaded lately? Don't worry, it's not Alzheimers (yet)! They're all drinking "5 Hour Energy" shots just as fast as they can, the old coots. They'll probably die soon(er).

Yes, the WSJ reports that the marketing mavens behind these energy shots—for when you want something bigger than a pill, but you not as big as one of those tiny Red Bull cans—figured out, "hey, you know who's always tired? Old people. I bet they would enjoy consuming hundreds and hundreds of milligrams of caffeine per hour, and running wild." And you know, those marketing mavens were exactly right.

Last October, the company handed out thousands of samples at the annual AARP convention in Orlando. "It was amazing to see the number of people who took it right there and then," says Mr. Bhargava, who staffed the booth.

"Raaaaaaaaa! Boogedy boogedy whoa hey!" exclaimed most of the AARP conventioneers, for the next 30 minutes or so, before crashing for a five hour nap. Also, "5-Hour [Energy shot] sales teams call on doctors, giving them coupons to pass out to older patients." If your doctor is prescribing you 5 Hour Energy shots, well, all I can say is, you better ask him to prescribe you some Viagra too, cause I bet that's an awesome combo, until you die of a massive heart attack. (Totally worth it.)

Never lose your pep!

[WSJ, image via Shutterstock]