Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 4600
The Greatest Hitter in the World
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike one!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike two!" he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike three!" "Wow!" he exclaimed: "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world.
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4601
Miss Annabelle Goes to New York
Miss Annabelle had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound: "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabelle, "they have men there who kiss other men on the lips." Miss Annabelle's friends fan themselves and say: "Oh my! Oh my!" "They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabelle. "Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves. "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" "Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls: "What do they call them?" they ask. "They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabelle. "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabelle. "Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster: "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabelle leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4602
Robotic Bartender
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him: "What's your IQ?" The man replied: "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy and so on. The man listened intently and thought: "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him: "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the Super Bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself: "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him: "What's your IQ?" The man replied: "80." The robot then said: "So, how are things in Alabama these days?"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4603
Professional Courtesy
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back and neck. The lawyer turns around: "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor," the man responds, "and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4604
Something in the Air
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said: "It’s gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said: "That was me. I just burped."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4605
Biology Class
Mr. White, the biology teacher at a posh suburban girls' school, asked during class: "Miss Smith, would you name the organ in the human body that, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions." Miss Smith gasped, then said snottily: "Mr. White, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." With that, she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. White called on Miss Jones, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with complete composure, replied: "The pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct," said Mr. White. "Now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you: one, you have not studied your lessons. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
Ryan Murphy
Joke N° 4606
Blonde Job Interview
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics: "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about three seconds before replying: "23!" The interviewer tries another straight forward question to break the ice: "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces: "Five foot three!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for a very basic question. "And just to confirm for our records, your name please?" he asks. The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about 20 seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying: "Stephanie." The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he says: "I can understand counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Ohhh that!" replies the blonde: "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"
Ryan Murphy

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