life and style

It's an age-old quandary - why do men, like dogs, stray?

Pity the poor man, unwitting victim of another nubile blonde - and his 'biological desitiny'

Forget the movies, the salad dressings, forget even the signature baby blues, Paul Newman will always be sainted in female minds for one reason and one reason only. When questioned about fidelity to his wife, Joanne Woodward, he famously said: 'Why should I go out for a burger when I can have steak at home?' 'Ahhh' swooned all women, so entranced by his chivalry they opted to ignore the fact that Newman had effectively done the most sexist thing imaginable - divide all female humanity into 'pieces of meat' (dead cow at that).

By contrast, men everywhere, on hearing the 'burger/steak' analogy, have been known to become suspiciously agitated: just how big were these 'burgers' that spoiled film star bastard Newman was so airily waving aside? How juicy? How lean? (How many?) If he really didn't want them could they have them instead? And, in the back of the male mind, the omnipresent niggle: yes, steak was very nice, but day after day, night after night? Forever? A guy could develop indigestion.

It's an age-old quandary - why do men, like dogs, stray? The answer might be within the question. Only recently it was revealed that over half the men who visited sex workers already had wives or partners. Moreover, the latest publishing sensation in America is Esther Perel's thesis, Mating in Captivity, which basically seems to argue that marriage works very well, except for people who like sex. It seems that the very things that make marriage so desirable (familiarity, security, having someone to fetch the Jaffa Cakes) are the arch-enemies of erotic passion. Putting it in Newman's terms: if Perel had her way, 'steaks' of both sexes would start acting more like 'burgers', striving to rediscover the 'creativity and spontaneity' of the early days of their relationships.

All very interesting. However, is this the same old story of no man being satisfied with only one woman - so we all have to run around being split personalities to keep them interested. Indeed, are women once again copping the blame, for not being sexy, interesting, ingenious enough to satisfy their men long-term? When really their only 'crime' is not to be someone different. A wife can be beautiful, clever, amusing, hot - but she can never be Someone Other. And (sometimes) that seems to be all (some) men want. It's why Wayne Rooney visited brothels (proving that prostitution might be the oldest profession in the world, but, in Liverpool at least, it is rarely the easiest). By contrast, Jude Law claimed he cheated on Sienna Millar with the nanny because she was so busy with work she neglected him (the 'needy not greedy' plea). Then there are those Alpha Males who don't even bother with excuses, making it clear that the concept of fidelity is up there with brain surgery and nuclear physics ('Nope, sorry, I'm stumped').

All of which leads us to the oldest, most hoariest excuse of all - that being 'The Human Male's Biological Destiny'. As the rationale goes, men would love to be faithful, but unfortunately evolution has other ideas for their 'little swimmers', a grand plan no less, hopefully involving lots of nubile blondes and room-service champagne. Oh, these men say, these dreadful urges, the horror, the shame of it all, if only they could stop this madness. But sadly, they can't. Biological destiny, and all that.

First of all, respect to the male gender - they have been shamelessly peddling this man-gotta-go-a-hunting BS for absolute aeons now, and for the most part getting away with it. In fact, it has probably had its day as the male sexual 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. Think about it: did you ever see a man turning off the television at a crucial point in a sporting tournament, running out of the room and crying, 'Oh no, I have an uncontrollable urge to pursue my biological destiny.' No you haven't, because men can control themselves when they want to - a lot of them simply don't want to. Then again a lot of women don't want to either. Indeed, what's ultimately so annoying is that women appear to have been cast as the designated victims in this unmerry dance of sexual boredom. But it's the 21st century. Time for women to make it clear - one man is simply not enough. In fact, two might be the absolute minimum - one for the fun stuff, one to fetch the Jaffa Cakes.

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