Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 3502
What Hole Are We On?
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole,and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her. He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold. She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh." "No, I wouldn't," he said. She said, "I sell tampons." With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you."
Nathan G.
Joke N° 3503
Devil In The Church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Karen G.
Joke N° 3504
Gravity-Defying Tequila
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can't believe he has just done that. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!" The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all... SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an a*shole when you're drunk, Superman."
Max R.
Joke N° 3505
Marriage Made In Heaven
A couple is driving to a church to get married. On the way, they get into a car accident and die. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them. Three months pass by and they hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage. He says, "I'm still working on it." Two years pass by and no marriage. St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it. Finally, after 20 long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding. The couple marries and lives happily for a while. But after a few months, they find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce. "Can you arrange it for us?" they ask. St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me 20 years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"
Dave G.
Joke N° 3506
College Rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out of bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" "How much for a season pass?"
Joe B.
Joke N° 3507
An Order of Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you." Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor, and had a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti -- two with sausage and meatballs, two without."
Francis T.
Joke N° 3508
Stolen Car
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. "Did you see his face?" her friends asked when she came back inside. "No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"
Kelly M.

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