General Question

partyrock's avatar

Is it normal for a girl to fantasize about her dad and for a boy to fantasize about his mother?

Asked by partyrock (3858 points ) December 7th, 2011

Do most moms know that their teenage sons fantasize about them? Do most or some woman have fantasies about their fathers, and where does this come from? I’ve never thought about sleeping with my dad in real life, but I have thought about kissing him. Is this weird or normal? Has anyone ever thought about this? I also know some guys who had sexual thoughts towards their mothers.

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59 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I have never had sexual thoughts about either of my parents, or anyone in my family. I don’t know if that is normal or abnormal, but that is my personal experience.

wilma's avatar

I have never fantasized about anyone in my family.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Never gone there.

JLeslie's avatar

Never happened to me.

janbb's avatar

Not done it.

bkcunningham's avatar

It is called the Electra Complex if a female fantasizes about her father. Oedipus Complex is when a male fantasizes about his mother. A lot of people have sexual fantasies about things that are considered taboo.

ragingloli's avatar

Considering the fact that my parents are on the opposite end of the attractiveness spectrum, the mere thought of the thought makes me shudder.

Now, of course, a well drawn Incest Ero Manga is one of the hottest thing that exists.

cookieman's avatar

I have not.
and had you met my mother you’d understand why.

JLeslie's avatar

@bkcunningham I always think of those complexes as explaining why we are attracted to people who have similar qualities to our parent of the opposite sex, but not that people actually fantasize about having sex with a parent.

I know the story of Oedipus is he slept with his mother, but if I remember correctly it was unknowingly. We know our parents in the case the OP is presenting.

snowberry's avatar

I understand there are people who do, but I never have, and I would conside such a thing an abnomality, rather than the norm.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have never thought of my father or any other family member in anything even approaching a sexual way.

janbb's avatar

@JLeslie Actually, in Freud’s theory it is about the sexual attraction to the real parent during a fairly young period of ego formation which become a complex when it is continued too long. However, like a number of Freud’s specific theories I think its usage as a diagnosis has become somewhat discredited in modern times.

janbb's avatar

@partyrock I guess most of us are saying we haven’t experienced this but everyone is different. It is a random thought that is not bothering you, don’t worry about it; if it is disturbing to you, you might want to talk to someone about it.

bkcunningham's avatar

Thanks for clarifying for me, @janbb. That is correct, it is from Freud and later from Carl Jung.

JLeslie's avatar

@bkcunningham @janbb I had studied it so long ago, I had forgotten some of the specifics. I use the terms all the time Oedipus and Electra Complex, just had not remembered Freud actually described it as a sexual attraction to the parent. Thanks for the explanation.

Jude's avatar

Never happened for me.

Blackberry's avatar

I haven’t had the thoughts, but I don’t think it’s very strange. If your dad is George Clooney, or just a just really attractive man, sometimes the thoughts just come. If my mother was Gabrielle Union or Nia Long, there might be some “what if” thoughts lol.

marinelife's avatar

No, I have not.

Kandy's avatar

It really isn’t all that uncommon for you to have those thoughts. It’s crossed my mind a time or two about some attractive family members, but they were just thoughts. It isn’t like I’m going to go out and actually commit incestual acts.

blueiiznh's avatar

I never ever ever ever thought that way about my Mother. eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

redfeather's avatar

I never have.

Leanne1986's avatar

I have never fantasized about my dad. I thought I read somewhere (it may have even be here on Fluther) that we are actually programmed not to feel any kind of sexual attraction to our families if we have been brought up with them.

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everephebe's avatar

Fantasy? No. Occasional stray (non-sexual) thoughts at inappropriate times, yes sure, which is a big turn off. Accidentally remembering that you forgot to call a family member, when you’re in the middle of something else… is unfortunate.

The “attractive” members of my family make me happy for my genes, not in my jeans.

On thinking of kissing weird people, like family members… I’ve thought about what it would be like to kiss people I was not attracted to at all, it’s never bothered me these silly stray sorts of thoughts. I dismiss the notion to kiss people I don’t want to actually kiss. Imagination and curiosity differs very greatly from sexual fantasy. In my book.

LostInParadise's avatar

Incest is taboo in all cultures, although it does sometimes happen. There is a biological basis for this feeling, since inbreeding is not a good survival strategy due to the likelihood of matching dangerous recessive genes.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Whaaaat? No. Not ever. Thinking about thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

And to actually answer the question, no I don’t believe it is normal. It’s an abnormal sexual fetish.

It’s normal for little girls to say things like, “Daddy, I’m gonna marry you when I grow up.” Or for little boys to say, “Mommy, I’m gonna marry you when I grow up.” That’s normal because the child has that bond with the parent and sees the grown up men and women that are married and their little minds can’t comprehend the actual intimacy that goes with it; they can only comprehend the closeness and happiness. When a child matures and becomes sexual, it is not normal to desire sex with their parents.

Prosb's avatar

Well, if normal means that most, or close to most people do it, then I’d say no, it’s not normal.

JLeslie's avatar

So far, according to fluther statistics I have beem calculating on this Q, it doesn’t seem to be statistically normal.

Nullo's avatar

The cases you have in mind would seem to be aberrant.

Sponge's avatar

No it’s not, ewww

downtide's avatar

That definitely doesn’t sound normal to me.

vine's avatar

It’s not normal. (But neither is transsexualism.)

Don’t beat yourself up over it or anything. I’ve thought guiltlessly of kissing distant cousins.

flutherother's avatar

I was told by a friend of mine that he experienced a series of vivid erotic dreams about his mother just after she died. I thought it a little odd and he was a little disturbed by it.

Leanne1986's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I used to tell my dad I was going to marry himall the time!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Leanne1986 I did too, and my brother was going to marry our mom, lol.

Leanne1986's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Life was so much more simple back then!!!

XOIIO's avatar

If you have to ask isn’t it obvious that it isn’t?

saint's avatar

My mom was great. But, sexual fantasies? No.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

If my dad had been Cary Grant….maybe. :) But, while handsome in his own right and amazingly charismatic…he was dad.

(So…..ewwwwwwwwww…...not for me.)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve never thought of that but know some girls as kids who’d say things like they wanted to marry their dads or thought their dads were the most handsome men. That always seemed squiggy to me, it grossed me out to see little girls acting as “daddy’s girls” with so much kissing and cuddling.

redfeather's avatar

When I was little I told my mom I was going to marry my cousin and she said we couldn’t because we’d have two-headed kids. And that was the closest thing to incest I’ve ever come close to.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@redfeather….......LOL! I know, I heard all those stories too….sort of put an end to “cousin fantasies”, eh? Thanks for making me laugh out loud….with the memories of my parents telling me things like that.

redfeather's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus haha you’re welcome. I was probably 4 or 5 and the idea of a two headed kid scared the hell out of me

serenityNOW's avatar

Well, my gut reaction is, that’s vulgar. Ugggghhh. But who am I to judge? After all, I’m gay, so some of the “taboos” that are not considered “normal” are fine with me.

Still, though, it just sounds revolting

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@redfeather Ha! I was going to marry my cousin also. His mom and my mom had to sit us down and actually explain that we couldn’t get married. We were “in love”, and we were 8, rofl.

redfeather's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate hahaha nice! My cousin was the oldest tallest cousin in his group of siblings and I was in love. There’s a video of us dancing when I was 3 and he was 5 or 6 at my grandma’s birthday party. It goes on FOREVER. We’re just slow dancing in the corner. haha

ninjanick's avatar

Not normal in any way.

fluthering's avatar

I always thought this was perfectly normal, especially during someone’s teenage or young adult years.
Girls emulate their father, boys their mother.
They have been there to support us, emotionally, throughout our entire lives.
It’s only natural that we find some sort of attraction to them.
These are not attractions that we’d ever act upon, simply thoughts that pass through our minds from time to time.
I don’t think these thoughts are anything to worry about.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I do not believe such fantasies are the normal case. Young men who had a good relationship with Mom might look for women who exhibit similar characteristics. I believe young women may look for mates in the analogous way. Where parents are not held in high regard, the absence of such features may make a potential mate attractive.

deni's avatar

I don’t think it’s weird, I think it’s fairly natural. What @bkcunningham said way up yonder. I’ve had the same thoughts as you. It’s creepy to me, even at the time, but I think it’s just something psychological.

downtide's avatar

@vine “It’s not normal. (But neither is transsexualism.)

I hope by this you meant that transsexualism is unusual.

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frockdialect's avatar

Growing up, I have had such thoughts unconsciously, in a dream-like state.

A father or mother is someone you grow up with, look up to and imitate in many ways. You consider them as role models, people you aspire to be and you hope to have a marriage as happy as theirs. They are perfect people in your mind. Probably we cross the line subconsciously from emotional adoration and love to sexual fantasy/thoughts.
Normal is perspective anyway!

chelle21689's avatar

I have never fantasized…but I had a weird ass incestuous dream which freaked the hell out of me. I was really disgusted! But then again I have the weirdest dreams about apocalypses, zombies, cheating on my bf, etc. etc.

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