General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

"Ms" the [b]only[/b] acceptable title for women?

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   I am taking a grant writing course where in I am laying the ground work for a (real) grant for a local museum. One of the women who will be on the curriculum committee for programming introduced herself to me as "Mrs Vazquez", she is known not to like the title "Ms" at. all. My professor on the other hand is quite insistent that she feels disrespected if any woman is referred to  as "Mrs." and that her way.
  I realize that I will have to do it her way for the project I turn in for a grade, but I thought it would be an interesting etiquette question to see how ehellers would resolve the two ideas of "proper" address?

Call each woman what they, personally, want to be called. If the professor objects to you calling somebody else Mrs., just reply something along the lines of "That's what she asked me to call her."

I am old.

I loath "Ms" but I know that is what is accepted now so I don't fight it. I guess your professor is even more rigid than I am on her hand and "Mrs. Vazquez" is even worse than mine.

If Mrs. V is giving you all money, do it her way. If it is your evaluation/grade and the donor will not see it, do it the professor's way.

It is all politics like this in the long run, and it makes me tired.

As someone who goes by Ms., I call people by what they introduce themselves as. To be honest I think your professor is being unreasonable. The idea of deliberately calling someone the wrong name because someone else insists seems to be rather rude whether the incorrect name is Mrs or Ms.

If your professor is likely to be reasonable could you put this one back onto her? Ask her outright how she would handle this situation, and whether she would prefer the correct name or her version.

Depends on the professor. If I thought the professor was a reasonable person on this issue, I'd have a discussion, pointing out that people, including the professor, have a right to be called by the term they choose, in the hopes that the professor would relent.

If the professor seems adamant on this issue, and you suspect using "Mrs." might affect your grade, I'd use "Ms" on everything turned in to the professor.

If Mrs. Vazquez happens to see any of that material, I'd just explain that my professor insists on "Ms" with no exceptions, and since I need a passing grade in this course, that's what I used. Any documents submitted to the museum would of course have her preferred title of "Mrs." substituted.

And if either of them complained about it after that, I'd refer them to each other and take myself out of the battlefield. Because their real problem wouldn't be with me and I wouldn't want to waste my life energy sorting out the mess. They are the ones causing the problem; let them fix it.


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