Keep Your Summer Slutty, Because It Is Fun

I really just wanted an excuse to make a little butt collage.

Jul 2, 2013 at 12:30pm | Leave a comment


Chowing a kabab, cruizing the roof. 

I honestly don't know if I've written about this or not, but I'm too lazy to look back so let's talk about getting naked. Or, more so, lets talk about how stupid summer is. That is a better start. I am not a fan of summer. I don't like heat, I don't like direct sunlight, I don't like sand, and I really don't like feeling a weird social pressure to like go outside and do things. 
In a perfect world, I would live in a big glass box so that I can see things but I don't have to like touch anything or be affected by gross things, including but not limited to feelings. 
Have you ever seen "Safe"?  
Moving on. 
I don't know how I'm going to introduce fashion into my Grinch-y intro, but I will. 
There are a few things I like about summer though:
  1. Hot dogs 
  2. Ice cream
  3. Being naked
That is the long and the short of it. I love sluts and I hate being hot and these are the clothes I'll be wearing the rest of the summer. 

You actually have to arch your back whenever you wear shorts this short. Also, you should probably get rid of all your pubes BUT I'M NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO. 

You guys know how I feel about ass cheeks coming out of shorts.  Really fucking good about them. It is a look that more people should adopt because your ass is beautiful. (Even if it isn't beautiful, it is. Trust me.) All of these are really really great for stomping around wherever. 
See-through T-shirts are also awesome. When it starts raining in the middle of the day and you get soaked, you can be all like, "Oh! You can see my nipples? My bad!" and bounce away as if you hadn't planned that move all month. I have the ones from James Perse because they are actually the BEST FUCKING T-SHIRTS IN THE WORLD. However, they are laughably expensive. It is worth it, duh. But there are other shirts you can wear that pretty much look the same. See below:

James Perse, Forever 21, Forever 21 (Do not come with hard nipples)

(Forever21 Basics is the jump-off if you are messy like me and spill stuff on your whites constantly.)
Also, I can hear you readers being all, "You said you were going to wear black all summer! There is an inconsistency in your 700-word articles on clothes on the Internet! I CAUGHT YOU!" But fashion is about doing whatever the shit you want all the time. We are free as a fucking cuttlefish and we change colors pretty much whenever. 
I've been trying like crazy hard to find a dress like this. And I asked my GChat soulmate Tynan and he (within moments) came up with this:

Marc Jacobs 5K Dress. 

Yes, it is fucking LOVELY, and I will never feel it on my skin. I don't know what $5,000 fishnet feels like and it is so tragic.
Also, I've been having a really rough time finding sandals this season. I have a long list of dumb rules that apply to footwear (do you want to hear about that?) which makes it pretty much impossible to buy shoes. That and being poor. 
However, I did find these and I my actually need to have them.

I just think these are really real. 

Um. Drop the mic. 
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