

Why SuperWoman Hasn’t Been Blogging

October 27, 2012

1. Because she’s fucking tired. (Yes, Superwoman says fuck. It’s fun. Try it.)

2. Because she has to sit on her dirty couch and bite her nails about the oncoming Frankenstorm. She is still recovering from Hurricane Irene last September, and now here comes another one. That night, all she did was worry that large tree across the street would fall through her daughter’s window. And there were these weird noises echoing through the wind, like children’s cries mixed with pop music. (She later found out it that some butthole on another street was having a hurricane party, but still. It was eerie.)

3. Because she’s too busy putting her two tons of daily junkmail into the recycling bin. Like this flyer she got the other day. At first, she thought, is there a movie featuring Viggo Mortenson coming out?

When she realized what it was, she asked herself a familiar question: Do people really believe the crap the Republican Party says?

4. Because she’s been reading apocalyptic novels about the sun never going down and the federal government using prisoners to create drugs that keep you alive forever (The Age of Miracles and The Passage, respectively), which are making her pretty freaked out. And she’s reading articles about people who live on Ikaria and cure themselves of cancer and live past 100. Which reminds her of the land from whence she came. A life of simple beauty: waking when you wish, making your own wine, eating light meals with friends. Why did she ever come to America from a distant galaxy? Stupid move.

5. Because she has kids. They are adorable but needy. WonderMess needs lots of baths. TalkMonster has a lot to say. They both need costumes for Halloween, which require some creativity a la Joann Fabrics. This is not fun for SuperWoman, even though she wants it to be. She used to like Halloween. Now it feels like another job. (But she will use the occasion to eat pumpkin chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.)

6. Because she’s trying to enjoy the beauty of autumn before the leaves fall and the trees go bare and she has to lie about the existence of Santa Claus again. (She tried to break it to TalkMonster, that Santa was yet another casualty of climate change, but he doesn’t want to believe her. So whatever. Santa lives on.) At least taking pictures helps SuperWoman focus on something positive.


(Don’t let their mortal good looks fool you. They can do tumblesaults that will give your heart carpal tunnel.)

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