We'd run a bad review round-up, but MovieJuice Diary's Mark Ramsey seems to sum up what we've been hearing about Van Helsing:

Only in Hollywood can a piece of crap (and I mean Battlefield Earth-style crap) like Universal's new Van Helsing make what will undoubtably [sic] be a zillion dollars on opening weekend by effectively bamboozling hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting (or simply uninterested) fans. Only in the movie theater are so many people willing to pay for what in a supermarket would be a food that tastes like shit.

Whew. We're afraid to ask him what the Olsen Twins (er, New York Minute) taste like.