SITTER: When technology outpaces us

The selfie phenomenon leaves me perplexed. I just don't get it. My introduction to the world of selfie photography occurred as I pursued my teenage daughter's Facebook page and saw photo after photo of my beloved teen pouting, scowling, sticking her tongue out and smiling for the camera.

What the heck? Why would anyone take so many pictures of their own face? It wasn't like she was on vacation or at some monumental event that needed documentation.

She was just in her room or at school with her friends. It was just Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday - not Christmas, graduation or Easter.

For a moment I worried: Is she becoming narcissistic? And then I really started looking at other Facebook pages and saw a trend, thus verifying once again that I am old.

Yes, dear readers, my daughter is completely normal. I, on the other hand, am behind the times, out of the loop and lost in a world of selfies and status updates.

Why would anyone care what I look like at 2:42 p.m. on Thursday, or how I felt at that exact moment? Hmm.... I'm still not getting it.

And so I turned to my hipper, more "with-it" friend for advice.

"Selfies - aren't those funny?" Skeeter said. "What I don't understand is how they look so good? I mean these girls can just turn their heads, snap the camera, and no matter what, they are beautiful. I do it and it's terrible."

"I've got news for you, Skeeter, you're old." I joked.

"I've got news for you too, Bonnie, so are you," Skeeter poked back.

And every selfie just confirms my face is sliding off my body. I'm a melting snow woman.

"Every time I look at a picture I think I look crazed - not crazed like crazy, but crazed like over-baked porcelain. Have you ever seen what happens to old porcelain that gets too hot? It gets these really fine cracks. It just splinters like a spider's web - that's my face."

Skeeter whips out her camera and starts shooting photos from all different angles.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to figure out how to take a good selfie." she confessed, but the camera kept flashing too soon. A smiley face icon blinked at us.

"I wonder what is going on?" she said. "Maybe it's some sort of smile sensing technology?"

True. Maybe it sensed my cheesy grin in the background. I looked ridiculous. Game show host ridiculous.

We tried again and vowed not to smile, but - zap - it went off.

Maybe it read our facial parentheses as smiles.

"Skeeter, do you really think there is such a thing as a smile sensor?" I asked. "What else could it stand for?"

Investigation was required. What we found amazed us. This camera came complete with age-erasing, super-softening technology.

"Let's crank this up," I said. Click! Click-click! We were still old. I tried wrapping my arm around the side of my head and pulling up in a most unnatural way. Yes, I was trying to give myself a noninvasive face lift. I looked Cirque de Crazed.

Finally, I convinced Skeeter the only solution was to bend way back and let gravity work in our favor for once. Again, we looked ridiculous, but this time the expressions worked in our favor. We were having so much fun. So, yes, we looked crazed in a good way, but heck, we proved our flexibility.

My adventure into selfies didn't answer any questions. I still don't get it. I still think the trend is weird, but I'm okay with it. I'm old, and these kids with their new-fangled ways are just strange. Let them be strange, and I'll just remain elusive - only photographed on special occasions or on vacations.