First parents evening :-(

(37 Posts)
naturemama Thu 14-Nov-13 06:42:45

Hi, this is my first post here - I just needed to come and vent and hopefully get se advice and reassurance from anyone else who may be feeling the same.

I'm a single mum, my son will be 5 in January. I've always thought e was fairly bright, he has been able to count well from a you gave, knows the alphabet and all the sounds and letters, since being at school he has learnt all his words coming home within a few days and can read to me basic books like The Red Hen (biff chip and kipper, amongst others) and he can tell the time, however I've always had a bit of a struggle to get him to write. At pre school they said don't worry about it, some kids just aren't that into writing so I've just encouraged him to make marks, using chalks outside, attempting to get him to colour (he's quite scribbly and often hurries to finish), we've always got wallpaper and paints outside for him to access whenever and lots more different media that e can experiment with.

So I get to parents evening (already feeling like a bit of a failure being the only person without a partner there, so perhaps already a tad over sensitive!) and they say he's doing OK, he comes up with some of the best sentences in class and it's clear that e has lovely experiences at home, which he talks about. Then they said he doesn't like boisterous play (as of this is the worst thing ever) so I say ok, he's never really been massive on rough and tumble, then they say he's quite mature for his age, which makes me feel dreadful as he's an only child and we live with my mother and I would so love for him to have a constant playmate in a brother or sister, however he does have lots of cousins who he mixes with regularly. Then they start on the writing, they make suggestions that I do the things I already do, then suggest getting a writing claw, they then say that it is probably because he doesn't have swimming lessons!? He does go swimming, he doesn't have lessons and we perhaps haven't been as much as I'd like, so I'm feeling quite bad about that. I said he has his name on the list to start lessons when he's 5 in Jamuary, but I was conscious of overloading him with activities at the start of school so had held off. They said, well they do have lessons for 4 year olds! (Which I looked at before and cannot afford, even as a working single mum!) they basically said he doesn't have the strength in his arms to control a pencil, but also said they hadn't noticed anything in PE. Then when I got home to buy the pencil grips it says for children with autism and special needs which I guess kind of three me a bit.

Has anyone else been here and helped their child through this and come out the other side? I understand it is a relatively small deal rigt now and I had kind of just put it down to him being a boy and jut not being rest yet. I thought he was doing so well in other areas that perhaps one area may naturally suffer to start with just while he gets used to it all but they made it sound like he's abnormal and slow.

I'm probably being over sensitive, you know what it's like when it seems like someone is criticising your parenting or child's abilities and I know it's their job to bring it to my attention, I guess I was just a bit surprised and they didn't seem to give me much positive. Also, they haven't even started on numbers yet which I was surprised at as friends with kids in other schools have been doing numbers and letters.

Sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I've barely slept all night and needed to get this out. I've been looking up arm exercises and more activities that I can do to help him which we will be starting today.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! x

naturemama Thu 14-Nov-13 07:47:32

I'm wondering why I've only just joined - your comments and input is invaluable, thank you all!

He's currently sat at the real fast bar making me cakes out of play dough while I do breakfast :-)

I have a blog I bts and bobs we do here too, although I haven't updated much since he started school.

bruffin Thu 14-Nov-13 07:54:19

Actually swimming is great for fine motor skills as well. DD burnt the back of her hands and needs a skin graft when she was 2. I was told that she needed to exercise her hand with playdough etc. I asked when i could take her back to her swimming lesson and they said that was an excellent form of exercise for her hand. You are moving your hands constantly in the water without realising it

naturemama Thu 14-Nov-13 07:55:18




Daykin Thu 14-Nov-13 08:11:57

It sounds like a fairly positive parents evening overall. It's really common to struggle with pencil grip etc when you are 4. I struggle now and I'm in my 40's but it hasn't held back my education. All of my dc's have struggled with this to some extent and all have had various grips and special pencils. Writing on a sloping board really helped one of them. A poster called mrz once posted a huge list of things to improve writing, I'll try to find it.

Daykin Thu 14-Nov-13 08:18:25

This is a reply from mrz to a similar question on another thread.

I'm a reception teacher and SENCO and I don't think handwriting practise is appropriate for a child who after all isn't five!

Things to remember:



Using pegs or toothpicks to make designs in play dough.
Making pictures using stickers or self-sticking paper reinforcements.


Self-Care Skills
Fastening Snaps
Using a screwdriver
Locking and unlocking a door
Winding a clock
Opening and closing jars
Rolling out dough or other simple cooking activities
Washing plastic dishes
Sweeping the floor
Scissor Activities
Making fringe on the edge of a piece of construction paper.
Cutting play dough or clay with scissors.
Cutting straws or shredded paper.
Use a thick black line to guide cutting the following:
A fringe from a piece of paper
Cut off corners of a piece of paper
Cut along curved lines
Cut lines with a variety of angles
Cut figures with curves and angles

Sensory Activities

Wheelbarrow walking, crab walking
Catching (clapping) bubbles between hands
Pulling off pieces of thera-putty with individual fingers and thumb

Midline Crossing

Activities To Develop Handwriting Skills
Body Stability
Wheelbarrow walking, crab walking, and wall push-ups.

Fine Motor Skills

Ocular Motor Control
Maze activities.

Eye-hand Coordination
This involves accuracy in placement, direction, and spatial awareness.

simpson Thu 14-Nov-13 08:20:04

I have had this with my DD (5)

What really helped was squeezing clothes pegs a few times a day.

My DD is hypermobile and seeing an OT who has given loads of exercises. She also said try the exercises first before pencil grips.

Other things we did was squeezing her flannel/sponge at bath time, flipping coins over (having them facing one way on a table and she had to flip them all the other way), putting her Cheerios on a plate and making her pick them up one at a time to put in her bowl for breakfast (mean mummy!), ripping up newspaper, wheel barrow races, twister (the game) is very good too!

naturemama Thu 14-Nov-13 08:22:08

Wow that's a fantastic list, thank you! He's currently doing cosmic kids yoga before school!

Bluebell99 Thu 14-Nov-13 09:06:48

I think you are being over sensitive. There are a lot of positives there. He is doing fine. Parents evenings always IMHO give targets on what needs working on. It sounds like they are giving ideas on things you could try. I think because you were feeling self conscious already, you are focusing on the negatives. He is doing fine. Enjoy your boy.

PastSellByDate Thu 14-Nov-13 13:00:02

Hi Naturemama

first off have a brew and a deep breath - you're doing the best you can and that's all anyone can ask, genuinely! Don't be so hard on yourself and don't take so much notice of what other people are doing/ thinking/ etc... You are definitely not the only single parent in the universe and you care enough to post her to ask for help - which looks like you care and you're trying your best to me.

Your DS sounds like he's doing great in so many areas. Every child has a few things that they are great at and a few things they're not so great at. The trick is to take the rough with the smooth - encourage talents but also work on weaknesses. However, you have to pace yourself Nature - this is a marathon and he's only 5. There will be other hurdles (multiplication tables/ fractions/ chapter books/ 'joined up writing', etc...) to come.

Writing is clearly going to be the struggle right now. But that's just it - right now writing is the problem and you need to pace yourself because in a few weeks or months it will be something else...

I'm really pleased that someone posted mrz's fantastic list of fine motor skill coordination ideas. I was about to do the same and think that's a great source of ideas/ help.

I would also recommend (possibly a little further down the road)...

geometric colouring books like this ( We got crayola twistable colouring pencils and both DDs enjoyed colouring these in and in the process developed a lot of fine motor skills.

DD2 had real difficulty with joined up writing and we used the Collins Easy learning Handwriting books for joined up writing (ages 7 - 9) but they do some for learning to write ages 5 - 7:

Our school wasn't big on practicing writing or giving copying homework - but we found that 10 minutes here or there for DD2 with the Easy Learning writing workbooks definitely helped and for her, she clearly needed some practice to get comfortable about writing joined up letters. DD2's handwriting is by no means perfect now, but writing practice has improved things and we're keeping things ticking over by encouraging her to keep a diary and having her send postcards or cards (thank you notes/ birthday cards) etc... as and when we can.

Again - mrz's suggestions are probably best starting point - but I thought I'd include these ideas as well in case they were of help.

Finally - I think you have to take a teacher saying your DS is struggling as a good thing (I'm at a school where nothing is said - which is really harmful for so many pupils long term). I don't quite get what swimming has to do with hand strength or fine motor skills - but perhaps the teacher was also nervous/ flustered. At the end of the day you've been forewarned that your DS needs to work on his handwriting - and I'm sure over the next few months you can sneak in some practice and use some of mrz's great ideas to help improve his coordination/ strength.

Hang in there & chin up!

PastSellByDate Thu 14-Nov-13 13:04:24

Oh forgot to mention naturemama - if your son is learning phonics with Jolly Phonics through school - their workbooks for the phonetic sounds have a lot of letter writing practice in there - which also may be of help.

Amazon has link here:


lljkk Thu 14-Nov-13 15:03:01

most of that parents evening was glowing. And the rest had constructive potential. I'd be delighted with that. confused

With respect, naturemama (most single parents have my utmost respect), you need to lighten up. Sounds like your own insecurities are distorting how you take things.

pollypocket31 Thu 14-Nov-13 20:21:21

I am a reception teacher and really feel for you, as you obviously care an enormous amount and have ended up worrying yourself when (as far as I can tell) everything sounds perfectly normal.

As has already been suggested, the skill of handwriting is nothing to do with academic capability it is all to do with gross motor and fine motor development and most 4 year olds need to spend their reception year developing this. Some of my most wobbly illegible writers in the Autumn term go on to be confident neat writers by the summer term.

You will be blown away by the progress you will see this year. I also have a bag of pencil grips which up to 10 people in my class use. Its just a tool to support pencil control...nothing more!!

Please dont worry you are doing a wonderful job smilexxx

p.s. I have a sneaky suspicion the teachers see his potential and that is why they seem to be pushing him to to get writing??? Just a suggestion.....x

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