

A Pack of Cigarettes

by Wicked_Lovely 1 review

Waking up in a strange room always nerve wrecking.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Angst,Romance - Published: 2011-07-10 - Updated: 2011-07-10 - 1642 words - Complete

Waking up in a strange room always nerve wrecking. Especially when it's pure white. And wouldn't you love to see the surprise on my face when I wake to the sound of my heartbeat on a monitor. I look over, seeing Spencer sleeping next to me. I wonder how long I've been out, what day it is and how many shows I've missed. But I can barley move. It feels like my whole left side is burning, my stomach churning with a nauseous feeling. I close my eyes, trying to take steady breaths. It's significantly hard, but I still somehow manged to pull it off.
"Here's you're coffee." That's Jon's voice. I can't open my eyes again. Their just to heavy. I only want to go back to sleep. I can tell that it woke Spencer, hearing him jostle slightly before muttering a thanks.
"Has he gotten up yet?" I can hear Jon ask as he sits in the open chair next to Spencer. I pretend I'm still asleep, knowing I won't stay up much longer.
"Not yet. Jon...What if he never wakes?" Spencer's voice cracks and I feel guilty. For everything I've done, and everything I haven't finished.
"He'll pull through, he always dose." Jon mutters. I can hear his hand running through greasy hair, but I can't tell if it's his own or Spencer's.
"The doctor said that he did it on purpose. That it was supposed to be suicide attempt." Spencer said slowly. They thought it was suicide?
"Spencer....He misses him. I just...I don't think there's anything past the fact that Ryan left."
"I know...I just wish that Ryan would at least say something to him." I stopped listening, allowing my mind and body to go back to sleep.

"Fuck, won't you just listen to me?" I was woken up by the sound of Jon's voice echoing in the room. I opened my eyes, looking at the plain ceiling for a minute as I wondered what was going to happen next. "I don't care! I just want you to come down here for a few days." Jon said angrily. I looked over at him, turning my head which in turn hurt my neck. He was talking into a phone, looking at the door as he paced, one of his hands holding the phone up to his ear while the other flailed with his words.
"Oh come on! You owe me Ross!" My heart skipped a beat, making the heart monitor make an odd noise. He was he really talking to you? Jon turned around, our eyes meeting for a moment. I turned my head to avert his eyes, looking across the room to see Spencer sitting in a chair curled under a blanket. He looked messy, his facial hair growing, his hair greasy. "I have to go, just be down here as soon as you can." Jon hung up his phone and walked over to the bed I was in.
"How are you doing kid?" He asked as he sat down on the edge. I tried to talk, but found that I didn't have a voice to speak with, so I decided to just shrug.
"That good huh?" He paused for a moment. "We've been really worried about you." He spoke slowly, cautiously really. "This is the first time all day that Spencer's gotten any sleep." I nodded, looking down at my hands. "Do you want a glass of water?" I nodded and he stood, walking over to find some water. I looked back over at Spencer, the guilt eating away at me.
I didn't want him to worry...I wanted him to be happy. One of us had to after all.
Jon came back with a cup of water, handing it to me with a smile. I took it into two shaky hands, taking a small sip.
"Brendon...Why did you do it?" He asked slowly. I put the cup down.
"What are you talking about?"
Jon paused for a moment. "They said that you did it for a reason. It can't just be because of Ryan." Jon said as he shook his head.
"It isn't. It wasn't."
"Then why?" Jon asked. Spencer stirred and I was so worried that he would hear our conversation. If there was anyone I wanted to tell, it wouldn't be my closest friend. My only friend. I had already hurt him too much.
"My parents hate me. Ryan won't talk to me. I forgot my own fucking birthday. How do you forget your own birthday? You know what's funny? I normally only do one or two lines...But that night...I just had to do more. I guess I kind of was hoping that I wouldn't wake up." I muttered the last part, not wanting him to hear as I spoke my thoughts out loud. He did.
"Brendon, I know life isn't the happiest thing ever, but you could at least try." Spencer woke up, rolling around in the chair with a yawn. Jon got up, walking over to the older male. "Hey Spence, Brendon's up." He said with a smile as he pushed the hair out of his face.
"Really?" Spencer said groggily, looking over at me. He smiled, the two making their way back over to me. Spencer hugged me, the pressure practically killing me.
"Hey Brendon. I missed you." Spencer muttered in my neck.
"I missed you too Spence. How long was I gone?" I asked as I hugged him back, trying to suck up the pain.
"A few days. I smelled the smoke and saw you there halfway in the flames. I was terrified, it seemed like you were already gone when we made it to the hospital."
"How many shows did you have to cancel?" He pulled away form the hug, staring at me like I was crazy.
"Brendon, you fucking overdosed, and now you're asking me how many bloody shows we had to cancel?" Spencer screamed. "You could have died Brendon! You should have died. They said that it was complete luck that you lived." He paused for a moment, Jon rubbing his back to comfort him. "I know you miss him...But I'll miss you even more if you leave me." His voice showed that he was crying, but I couldn't look. I hated making Spencer cry. He was my only friend, and I seemed to be the only person to make him cry.
"Spence, why don't you go out to the hall, I'll be there in a minute." Spencer nodded, walking out of the room. "I'm giving you a second chance Brendon."
"What are you talking about?" I asked as I stared into his eyes. He looked somewhat frustrated, but it was probably because of having to calm Spencer constantly.
"You lived. So now I'm going to give you a second chance. This isn't just for you or me, it's mainly for Spencer. He's happy when you are. I want you to stop cutting, I want you to stop doing drugs, and I want you to fix things with Ryan. You have to pull your life together again."
I swallowed. "Ryan?" I asked as I looked down at my hands.
"Yeah, Ryan. He's flying down later today." Jon got up. "And I'm going to force him to talk to you." He started to walk to the door, pausing when he reached it. "And Brendon, if you ever and I mean EVER do something stupid like this again and hurt Spencer the way you did, I will not hesitate to kick your ass." He walked out of the door.
"I guess this means I have to do three things I never once thought about." I muttered to myself. I looked at the table that stood next to the bed and noticed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, a sticky note on top of it. 'From the boys. Get better soon.' I smiled, pulling one out to put in between my lips. I lit it and inhaled. I'd make it through. Or at least, I would try.
No matter how hard it would be to try and talk to you.


PartyPoison:It's different from most of my other stories. I think I'm going to keep it that way too. The story is really emotional, and it'll stay that way. I'm not sure if it's going to have a happy ending or not yet.
Knowing me, we should bet on it not having a happy end.

marissasorrentino:Cheery names are good for angsty chapters sometimes. And I think it's probably a mix of the two. Why not, right?

AnotherKnifeInMyHand:Angst is good in small doses. I'm glad you think it's great, I'll try and keep it up.
It reminds me of the way I spent my past few birthdays. Which sucks because I have like, the best fucking birthday day ever. Who wouldn't want their birthday on Halloween?

I'm working on a surprise new story! Only...I guess it won't really be a surprise anymore. I'll probably update a chapter or two on some of my other stories before posting it, but I'm SO EXCITED about it. I can't wait to share it with you guys. And just to give you a taste of what it'll be like, the name of it is going to be Hiders, and the summery...That will give to much away. I really should get to writing more.
I just wish I had more time. I've been really swamped recently. I'm having serious money issues and am looking for a second full time job to pay for medical bills. I really did a number on myself recently, but that's not important. The important thing is that I updated, and I'll try to keep on working on stories even with the little time I have.
-xoxo Pansy.
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