Science: Heroin Cures Heroin Addiction

Scientists who were definitely All Fucked Up have found the long-sought treatment that soothes troubled heroin addicts: Heroin.

The scientists found that heroin addicts who were given free heroin, in a clinic, "did better" than addicts given methadone. What the fuck does "did better" mean, in a scientific sense? The LAT reports:

After one year, 88% of those in the [free heroin] group were still in treatment, compared with 54% in the methadone group.

"In treatment" they get free heroin!


Except for the free heroin!