`Pop Goes the Amweasel!' Contest 

You know a subpoena is coming. But do you know when?

5/12/2000: TImothy Q. Delaney (also known as ``Timmy the Amway attack-weasel'') is not happy about this web site. He's going to retaliate by hitting me with a subpoena. It will probably look something like this one. The question is: when will Timmy's subpoena arrive? Guess the date and win a valuable prize! (Retail value not less than $20. And it's not Amway crap.)

To enter the ``Pop Goes the Amweasel'' contest, send a letter directly to Mr. Delaney stating your guess for the date on the subpoena. Your letter should look something like this:

Esteemed Weasel:

My guess for the date of Dave Touretzky's "Amway Sucks!" subpoena is [insert date here].

If I win the Pop Goes the Amweasel contest, please send my prize to [insert your address here].

Thank you.

Your Most Humble and Obedient Servant,

[insert your name here]

Entries Received So Far

June 1, 2000; June 19, 2000; June 26, 2000; July 5, 2000; July 6, 2000; July 31, 2001; "Never".

Official Contest Rules

  1. You may enter as many times as you like.
  2. Threats, mail bombs, or abusive language are disqualifying.
  3. Only one prize will be awarded. If no one guesses the correct date, the closest guess wins. In the event of a tie, the earliest submitted entry wins.
  4. Since Mr. Delaney is both the judge of the contest and the issuer of the subpoena, there is a potential conflict of interest. Entrants are encouraged to exploit this to their advantage. Offers of cash, gifts, sexual favors, or anything else you can think of are all encouraged.
  5. Mr. Delaney had no prior knowledge of this contest, never agreed to participate, and most certainly doesn't approve of it. If he is unable to fulfill his duties as judge, an alternate judge will be chosen.
Thanks to Zinjifar for the Amweasel gif.

The weasel meter reads:

Back to the Amway Sucks! page

Dave Touretzky
Last modified: Thu Jun 28 00:44:22 EDT 2001