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Jason Alderman


Navigating Marriage's Financial Minefields

Posted: 10/20/10 11:40 AM ET

As with all challenges in a marriage, what starts as a small issue can grow into a large one, given enough time. It's not surprising that after being together a few years, some couples realize that the financial quirks they initially found amusing or simply ignored in their spouse now dominate their marital disagreements. In fact, money issues tend to top the reasons for divorce.

If you're having financial difficulties, long before they escalate to that point, step back and examine how and when you and your spouse discuss -- or don't discuss -- your financial situation, and explore ways to ease the tension. Here are a few ideas:

Put it on the calendar. You're both busy and have probably divvied up the chores, including who pays the bills and balances the checkbook. But even if you're in complete agreement on money matters, the family "accountant" should keep his or her spouse in the loop -- if for no other reason than so they can easily take over managing the finances in an emergency.


Don't postpone painful discussions. Say you accidentally bounce a check or miss a payment. Don't wait until your next conversation to address it or try to hide the problem -- you'll only make matters worse and create an atmosphere of mistrust. Sometimes it's best to rip off the bandage with one quick tug.

Be on the same page. When the news isn't good -- say your 401(k) balances tanked last quarter or one of you got laid off -- communication is all the more important. Whether you need to temporarily tighten the budget or make a major life-altering decision like postponing retirement, talk it through and be prepared to compromise so neither party becomes the bad guy.

Realign your goals. Couples often start out with one game plan but then life deals an unexpected hand and goals change. Periodically touch base on how you both feel about such major events as family size, home ownership, career changes, financing college for your kids (or yourselves), appetite for financial risk, when and where you'll retire, and taking care of elderly parents.


Seek help. If you're no longer on the same page and can't reach compromises, your marriage could be headed for trouble. A number of counseling alternatives are available:



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