Windows 8

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Windows 8
The imaginitive new logo *cough* *cough*
OS family Windows
Kernel Type Sanders
Company/developer Micro$oft
Source model Ketchup
Available language Gibberish
Would Crom use it? Hell no

Windows 8 is Microsoft's latest computer virus that installs on your hard drive just like an operating system. It was released in October, 26, 2012 and took 24 years to develop, and so far has lost Microsoft $90,000,000,000.


In 1985, two operating systems were being planned out by the Blinky Smoked Meats and Fishes company, which would later become Microsoft. One was a primitive DOS-based 8-bit system codenamed "Lansing", and an NT-based 128-bit OS codenamed "Whore". In alpha tests, Whore would freeze and crash because its graphics system was incompatible with the primitive computers of yesteryear, so they ditched Whore, and continued on with Lansing, which would be released as "Windows 1.01". It sucked.

22 years later, when new, more graphically enhanced technology was being developed, they started working on Whore again. Unfortunately, it couldn't be completed by the deadline, so Microsoft was forced to copy Windows 2000's source code and repackage it as Windows 8.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Windows 8.

Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Fuck Apple...

Real Reception

Windows 8 universally got negative feedback that had absolutely no positive reception, by the morons who pretend to be pros that they asked to test this OS's non-existantawesomeness. They expected something good, but got something totally un-original. PC World gave it a 0.5, the only rating they can give anything that is crap, like Microsoft and we hate anything Microsoft.

The disaster that this OS caused macs so much pain with lots of non-existantawesomeness of Windows 8 caused Microsoft to gain nothing, and lose $90,000,000,000, and Bill Gates was so happy he was not going to heaven, but still got kicked out of his posh mansion. You can see him on the corner of 98th and Woodinville in Redmond, working as a guy who helps people. A.k.a. a prostitute.


  • Windows 8 + 87 Edition
  • Windows 8 + 90 Edition
  • Windows 8 + 1992 Edition
  • Windows 8 Millenium Edition
  • Windows 8 for Cash Registers & ATMs
  • Windows 8 BSOD Edition
  • Windows 8 for Human Beings
  • Windows 8, sponsored by Bud Light, the World's Most Refreshing Beer!™
  • Windows 8 "In Soviet Russia, Windows installs YOU!!" Edition
  • Windows 8 Unprofessional Edition

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Easter eggs

Typing "Should've got a Mac" on any part of Windows 8 will cause a grue to pop out of your monitor and eat you.

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