The Office
Turf War

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
Andy Scores a Homer
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Gabe talks to Jim in the kitchen about his lack of fat and wondering how much protein powder to mix in with his water. Dwight comes in and mocks him for even needing water. "Why don't you just take estrogen?" he snots before choking down a dry mouthful right out of the container. So Jim ends up privy to an argument about their respective methods, which he short-circuits by suggesting the two of them have a thigh-curl contest to prove who's stronger. So down in the gym, everyone watches while Dwight and Gabe competitively hump the machines. Jim takes it to the next level by giving them pillows and phone handsets and then snaps a picture that he later turns into a photo of a sleepover party. Robert comes in and orders everyone into the conference room, but Dwight and Gabe can barely make it in there after a quad workout that's left them nearly quadriplegic. Hey, it's better than Jim's "Hypno-thighs" pun.

Andy walks in to return Erin's socks and also to announce that he's going to cook everyone a feast right there in the office. Embarrassed, Erin explains the new rule about how all visitors need to sign in and wear a visitor's badge. Andy seems a little offended at being singled out in a TH: "Is it because I'm not an employee any more? Because that's what it feels like."

Andy notices that things are pretty busy in the bullpen and learns that with the recent closing of the Binghamton branch, there are a lot of clients up for grabs. And absolutely nobody reading this is going to get this, but I think that with the closing of Binghamton, The Office just came up with a great idea for the second season of Alphas. Andy tries to foment dissatisfaction with Robert's leadership, but Jim and Dwight aren't interested -- plus Stanley and Phyllis point out that the Syracuse branch isn't going to be happy about New York clients coming to Scranton. Robert comes in shushing everyone, as if to support the older salespeople's call for discretion -- then takes a deep breath and vomits epically into one of Jim's desk drawers. He explains about his "one-man Saturnalia" celebrating the finalization of his divorce last night, giving some details that Ryan nods knowingly at. Curiously, Robert appears to be the last to know that Binghamton's been closed. Or, at least, the last to know since having done it himself last night. "In vino veritas, as they say," he THs. "I'm not going to start doubting my drunken self now."

In the kitchen, Nellie approaches Robert to give him an answer to his voice mail to her from last night: "Yes, yes, yes, yes and never." After Nellie leaves the room, Robert assigns a very reluctant Pam the task of finding out what he said on Nellie's voice mail. That's the downside of making yourself office manager: she doesn't have a damn thing else to do and they both know it.

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The Office




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