

Is it time for you to speak up?


Learning to speak up for yourself is an important skill that, when done right, can make a big difference in your career. Understanding your communication style is a good start.


Learning to be assertive will pay off throughout your career, and you can get started now by asking for what you want instead of going along with other people. Often, stress builds when you don’t express how you feel. If you find yourself always “going with the flow” in order to get along, this could be an area that warrants some introspection.

Many times, employees who get raises or more responsibility are the ones who ask for it, and the same holds true for job seekers.  At the end of an interview, the candidates who ask for the job probably will leave a favorable impression and usually are seen as having more energy than those who hold back.

Of course, how you speak up can make a huge difference, so it’s good to be aware of these communication styles: assertive, aggressive and passive.

Those who in the passive category probably know when they should speak up, but typically don’t because they’re afraid. Passive communicators feel guilty saying no and may be people-pleasers. Michael Hyatt , author of the New York Times best-seller “Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World”, has a great podcast about how he overcame feeling guilty about saying no.

An aggressive communication style never builds rapport. Aggressors create unrest and their sarcasm or threatening words imply dominance and sense of control.  In some cases, aggression can lead to physical contact, harming others who get their way. Aggression shuts down communication, is devoid of empathy and leaves damaged relationships. Unfortunately, in the business world, verbal aggression can be rewarded and labeled as a high drive to succeed, which can be confusing to employees trying to identify those behaviors that are acceptable.

An assertive communication style is the healthiest, and it will bring more satisfaction in your career. People who are assertive are empowered with self-respect that allows them to seek happiness, define their personal boundaries and get their needs met without dominating or abusing other people. Assertiveness builds trusting relationships and sends a win-win message.

If you want to speak up more, here are some ways to build your skills and become more assertive.

  • Start your sentences with the word “I” to express what you are feeling or thinking.
  • Stick to the facts when faced with an annoying situation.
  • Practice saying no.  It helps to write out a script and practice situations where you can say no.
  • Know and understand your personal boundaries, so you can recognize when a line is crossed.
  • Stay calm, stay focused and listen before reacting.
  • Show respect to others as well as yourself.

Have patience when practicing assertive behaviors, and give yourself credit for wanting to make a change and speak up for what is important to you. The key to being assertive is to stay true to yourself and your principles.

Do you have examples of how being assertive has helped you in your career?

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