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Should I be mad?
Anon_149021 posted:
My mother recently started dating an online friend of mine from facebook. It's super awkward because the male used to talk to me for hours daily in the past. He even went so far as to tell my mom that I was into him. Which was not the case, I seen him in a completely platonic way. Anyways last year when they started talking and flirting I got upset with both of them, because I felt there was a complete disregard for my feeling on them getting together. It cooled off between them for like a year while my mom dated this other guy. With in the last three months they have started talking again and are now officially together. So basically last week I was in the hospital giving birth to my son and my grandparents, mother, and sister came to visit and stay in my apartment while I was in the hospital so they could visit me and the new baby and to also look after my two year old daughter. My grandparents ended up leaving the day before I left the hospital which was fine and all but that left my mother, sister, and my daughter at my apartment. Unbeknownst to me my mother had invited this guy over to spend the night at my place. And this really bothers me because she didn't even ask. In fact when I had talked to her and my sister on the phone that night there was no mention of him even being there. My mom only told me the next morning saying she hoped it was okay? Um hello couldn't you have told me that when I talked to you the night before or even asked since hey it's not your place or your daughter. Can I please mention also that I haven't met this guy in real life and she had only met him once. We have valuables in our place and most importantly I'm not too happy about someone I haven't met in person spending the night in my apartment while my child is there. And to top it off she said he slept on the couch, which I highly doubt since we had a blow up mattress and mine and my husbands bed. So my guess is they slept in mine and my husbands bed which would really upset me because this bed has only had me and my husband together in it in intimate ways, I feel it's like sacred to me and my husband. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Is it even worth addressing with my mother? I feel so disrespected.
sluggo45692 responded:
You are not wrong in any of this. First, your baby sitter (mom) invited a complete stranger into you home. Yeah you talked to him on Facebook, but you never met him. Secondly, your mom was there to support you, not get a hook up. Third, this stranger has already lied to you mom and she still him in to her life.

I'm glad no was physically hurt, but I see a lot of emotional and trust damage. It was not her home to allow a stranger into. If she wanted a hook up, there are motels in cities and towns. She probably doesn't even realize she put your and her most valiable possession at risk. Your 2 year old daughter.

I'm not saying everyone on-line is a sex offender. I met my gf on line. I met her in a public place for the first couple of dates. I wouldn't have even gone to her daughters home to meet her. Your mom has a lot of apologizing to do. Mom's can get away with almost anything, but not jeopardizing children.

He told her that you said that you had the hot's for him. It sounds a little creepy that he's flirting with your mom. I understand going after an older woman, but not if her daughter has the "hot's" for him.

My suggestion is tell her if she's with him, "DON'T come around." What she does in her own home and time is her business, but don't bring him around. I would also tell you sister of what you tell mom.

Mom has got some bridges to rebuild. Talk and let her know where you stand on this. You wouldn't meet man at her home if you weren't living there. So she needs to give the same to you. Good Luck
fcl responded:
Your mother went too far when she invited a man to spend the night in your home with your daughter there, whether the man was an old friend or a total stranger. You are the one who chooses whether to expose your daughter to casual sex or not, not your mother.

Furthermore, the man she invited was someone she barely knew. This is a huge security no-no. She might think he's a great guy but he could have cleaned you out (have you checked ALL of your valuables, by the way) and slit her and your daughter's throates.

Thirdly, she slept in your marital bed with a man she hardly knew. This has a very high ick factor.

All in all, I would have been livid with your mother for having so little common sense and even less respect. You need to tell her that she potentially put your daughter at risk, that she displayed incredibly bad judgement, that she sullied your marital bed and that you are extremelt disappointed in her. She will not be staying overnight alone in your home again and will not be getting either of your children overnight in hers lest there's a repeat performance.
tmlmtlrl responded:
I completely agree with what the others said and would like to add that I get the feeling you could have a stalker on your hands. It seems as though he has the hots for you. This whole scenario is creepy. I'm curious how or why you are friends with him on facebook, but I suppose it doesn't matter for your purpose here.

You should keep an eye out for things happening around you. Watch your rear view mirror, and look around before entering your home. How much he and your mom talk about you should also be very telling.

It's too bad she's falling for this and allowing it to happen.
dfromspencer responded:
Ok, I was going to tell you to read your mother the riot act, but all three before me did just that! So, you don't need me to brow beat you.

Wow, your mother went waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy over the line!!! If I were you, I would throw that bed away, and never let your mother stay there alone again!!!

She used and abused your trust!

Can you, or should you forgive her? Maybe, you both need to talk, and reset, or set some boundaries prior to her ever visiting again!

I really feel sorry for you, giving birth to her grandchild, while mom is bonking some guy in YOUR bed, wow, just wow!!! You and I both know just how sad that makes your mom!

Good luck, I hope you can salvage your relationship with your mom!!!


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