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Updated: Jun 03, 2017, 14:00 IST

An Investigation: Do Indian Men Really Value Virginity?

An Investigation: Do Indian Men Really Value Virginity?

Pre-marital sex is no longer taboo. If you are an adult, and have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, in all likelihood, you are having sex. But, ask your mother, and she'll tell you that no matter how progressive a man may be, he will always want a virgin bride.
Really? The sheer hypocrisy of this idea makes us seethe. But, because it is told so often to us, we wondered if there may be some truth to it. Experience tells us otherwise. There are enough and more couples who have sex before they even think about getting married. And yes, they do eventually tie the knot, and a lot of them live happily ever after, with mutual respect and admiration. It seems like the men in these marriages don't really care whether they were their wive's first. Or, are we being presumptuous?

We asked 5 sexually active, unmarried men to shed light on the matter. Read on...

Q. 1 How old are you, and at what age did you lose your virginity?

Sean, 27: I lost my virginity at 17.

Mohit, 27 : 18 or maybe 19.

Damien, 43 : I first had sex at 13. I was an early bloomer.

Rahul, 28 : I had it at 20.

Angad, 30 : I started at 16.

Q. 2 Was your first partner also a virgin?

S: Yes, and also 17.

M: She wasn't a virgin.

D: She was a friend of my sister's, and much older than me. I have no idea whether she was a virgin or not. In retrospect, it seems unlikely.

R: She was a virgin, but she had broken her hymen because of some other reason.

A: Also a virgin.

Do Indian Men Really Value Virginity

Q.3 Have you had more or less than 10 partners?

S: More than 10.

M: Around 10.

D: Umm.. this week? Haha! Just kidding! More than 10.

R: Less than 10.

A: More than 10.

Q.4 How many virgin partners have you had?

S: I've never really asked them if they're virgins. So I can't really say. Is it safe to say under 23 makes them a virgin? Then, probably 5-6.

M: Probably 1, or 2.

D: 6 for sure. Probably more.

R: Only the first one.

A: I am guessing just the one. The first one. I never asked actually.

Do Indian Men Really Value Virginity

Q.5 How do you feel about having sex with a virgin?

S: Honestly, I haven't ever felt it to be any different. In fact, it may just be a little harder since they don't really know what to do. So that way it sucks. Experience is a winner for me.

M: It's physically hard because emotions are connected to it. Because virgins are a little more in their head about it, I guess they don't give in as quick. That whole process of timidness and shyness is stretched out. So because of that, it can get a little tedious.

D: Having sex with a virgin is slow development and hard work, and involves a lot of comforting and cuddling. I have never felt that whole thing of "Oh God I've achieved something." I just wish someone else had done this for me.

R: From whatever little I know, I won't like it, because it will be bloody. But that's a personal choice. But, on the other hand, I would be pretty okay because I'd know that she doesn't have anything to compare me by. So, there'll be a lot less pressure, I guess.

A: My first girlfriend got a little too attached. So, since then, I've avoided virgins; physical or emotional virgins.

Q.6 Do you view virginity as a virtue?

S: Of course not!

M: I guess till a certain age. You don't want girls losing their virginity at 13 or 14. But, if I had a daughter, after 18 she can do whatever she wants. Sex is a bit of a distraction when you're young. There shouldn't be any rush to it. But if you're a 35 year old virgin. Is that virtuous? Bullshit! It's ridiculous. You can't be holding on to virginity. You'll fuck up your body and mind. It's one of those things you need to conquer by a certain age, so that after that you can move on to bigger things. It's Maslow's Hierarchy. Esteem will only come when you have love and belonging needs met. And only then do you get to fulfil your potential. By holding on to virginity for too long, you are stunting your psychological development. At the same time, you have to be emotionally ready for it.

D: I view conscious self-control in the face of adequate temptation as a virtue. If you have the ability to resist temptation for something that you consider to be important, then I consider that self-control to be a virtue because it speaks of strength of character. Virginity by itself, no. That's irrelevant. Virginity is as important as you want it to be. If it's important for you, then that's all that matters. Its presence or lack thereof is for you to decide. No one else.

R: No. There are more important virtues one should hang on to. Virginity is nowhere close to it. Integrity, humility, and things like that are more important than being a virgin.

A: No (laughs). I don't understand what virginity is. What is it? If a girl participates in everything other than penetration, does she qualify as a virgin? How do we define a virgin?

Picture Credits: Thinkstock / Getty Images, Pexels


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