Tuesday, July 3, 2012

7/4/12—Claiming Your Independence

Today's Draw: Strength from the Oracle Tarot by Lisa Chow. Are you in control of your emotions and actions or are they in control of you? What are your experiences with addictive, compulsive or unhealthy behaviors? What really rules over your life?

The third of the Five Lessons to Learn Before You DIE!!! is self control. I've never met anyone in all my 49 years and four months who didn't have some sort of addictive behavior that's dogged them at one time or another in their lives. 

Before I proceed, I should say that I probably have a broader definition of addictive behavior than some people. What I'm talking about here is behavior that's compulsive, excessive, unhealthy and/or causes problems in your life. So while many are thinking "huffing glue", what I'm talking about is perfectionism, anger issues, obsessive thinking, overeating/working/excercising, germaphobia, compulsive cleanliness, hoarding, smoking and, yes, drug dependence of any kind. 

Some of these things like perfectionism, compulsive cleaning, overworking, etc. are, in a way, socially acceptable. We make excuses for them, "her cakes are perfect," "her home is like something from a magazine," "she works hard for her money." But that doesn't make these behaviors any healthier than huffing glue. If you're one of those people, you know the toll those behaviors take. It's hard to say whether it's easier being out of control in a way everyone can see or in a way that's somewhat hidden. 

Personally, I've lived my life as a walking/talking, easy-to-see addictive behavior...haha. I've regained my control over many of those issues. If you're a regular reader, you already know I'm a former smoker. But what you may not realize is that this mild-mannered sweetheart of a blogger used to have some significant anger issues. 

I tell you about that, because having experienced both compulsive anger and nicotine addiction (among other issues I'm still working on...haha), I feel both compulsive behavior and addiction exist on the same spectrum. Both screw with your brain chemistry and your sense of reality. And both exert more control over you than you exert over them. 

BUT, from experience I'll tell you this, addictions are a LOT harder to regain control over and don't bear just an emotional dependence, but a physical and chemical one, too. With addiction, there's also a little monster inside you that, if you ever feed it again, will take back their control. Right now my nicotine monster is asleep. If I ever take a puff of a cigarette again, I will wake it up and it will be hungry. On the other hand, I can be a bitch to the Safeway checker next week and it will be an isolated incident. In short, becoming a mild-mannered blogger is a hell of a lot easier than becoming a non-smoking blogger. But both require Strength to achieve. 

So Strength is about resisting temptation and never saying "yes" in the first place. Strength is about acknowledging there's a monster that exists within you that's just waiting for you to open the door. Strength is about about taming the monster inside you once you've woken it up. Strength is about taking personal responsibility for these behaviors, whether you currently have control over them or not. Strength is about understanding that change and the unlearning of behaviors doesn't happen overnight. Strength is about learning and being gentle with yourself if/when you stumble and fall. And Strength is about seeking help when you want to take control back and can't do so on your own. 

Honestly, this card surprised me when I first chose it, but now I understand why this is one of the five lessons the universe wants us to learn before we die. As long as we allow these kinds of compulstive and addictive behaviors—whether drinking, creating drama, being an adrenaline junkie, compulsive shopping or wallowing in victimhood—we are not free (a fitting message to receive on July 4th.) Something else is making our choices and steering our relationships for us. If nothing else, before we die, we should all seize the crown of control over our actions/emotions and truly be the star of our own lives. 

PS: While we're talking addiction, for tarot junkies, Lisa Chow's Oracle Tarot is available on Etsy. It's a full 78-card deck with no lwb. I JUST got it today and didn't have a chance to look it over before I shuffled and chose, but from what I've seen it's based on RWS meanings, but has non-traditional imagery and some inspired, yet simple, visual interpretations. 

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