Vaclav Tartoffz is Making NO Sense

editor's note: Vaclav Tartoffz writes in his native tongue. rather than hire expensive and time consuming Translators, we simply run his article through the Alta Vista Babel Fish and rush it to print, sight unseen. Here's his first piece:

i very fond your country, is not if you please by these. I count America the wonderful place for complete interesting museums, stores, and the ideas however, I find that your workers which they work in the airports in order to be quite strange for example, at one time i bear helmet telling "deatyu to infidels!"; and the following thing, is which I know it is conducted into the auxiliary accomodation of store to be beaten with the knobs and undressed naked (not in this order). I understand the concern of your people because I tell actually no English with exception "give completely your money" and "keyep your zakrynnyy mouth or i'.ll cut your throat, bitch!" but I am located in any desire to cause harm to this love of earth iego only secondly to the country the MATI. I must only here take advantage of your joint-stock exchange to my own end and is possible unleash gas on your systems of the subway (it made I I speak that correctly?)
until the following time
Vaclav Tartoffz