The Nigerian Social Media Code

Thou shalt only write in the most simplistic formats, as your readers may not have the requisite depth to grasp your intent.

The audience that extolled you yesterday will readily butcher you tomorrow.

Thou shalt not be too controversial or too conventional. Thou shalt tow the middle line so you are no different from anyone else. Uniqueness and distinction will be summarily torn down and destroyed. Remember you are one of us. Aspiration will not be tolerated.

Thou shalt swallow abuse without protest because the people in your comments are doing you a favour by acknowledging your very existence.

Those with opinions shall never write on their walls but seek the amplification and attention of your lowly self and those of your followers. They will make it their business to state those opinions on your wall, all the time.

Those who seek your attention will do so by antagonism. They believe in their self-righteous mission to guide you away from error and point out the pridefulness of your ways.

Those who will never have access to you in real life assume social media access is real. Hiding behind their devices they will say things to you they cannot say face-to-face.

Through social media, God shall transform the muddiest of comments into potter’s clay and the filthiest of remarks into fertiliser to create and nurture beautiful patience and an enlarged heart capable of accommodating all things.

Now, go forth and venture into the shark infested waters of social media. May the force be with you.

APPENDIX: Do not venture into controversial social media waters unless you have well meaning voltrons. Your voltrons will faithfully return fire-for-fire when you are attacked by haters.

You must also have people who love you offline. When your haters abuse you and your descendants, your offline friends will remind you that you are still normal and sane.