Sunday, February 25, 2007

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall


Why is it that when you start to look in a mirror you become your harshest critic?  I sat for a bit looking into a mirror.  At first I saw tired blue eyes... the whites had been grayed out with pain and fatigue... then I saw these mysterious lines that seem to have popped up over night.  I can't have wrinkles... I wish I was still 5!  I get silly and self-deprecating and it's so very sad.  I don't know a single person that likes everything about themselves... especially the way they look.  But at what point do you accept your flaws?  As a girl and as a person that has gone through many... many.. health issues... there hasn't been a single day where I am not concerned with how I look.  I can be my own harshest critic but I have had a few people fill that spot for me just fine.  I understand it's hard not to judge someone by looks alone... but will it always matter?  At some point  my hair will go gray... at some point my face will be covered in wrinkles... I suppose that if I am happy... none of it should it matter.. But it does.  I know it does, you know it does, everyone knows that it does.  Some days it's just exhausting to be so concerned.  I have never been comfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to be one of those people that needs another person to validate their existence.  I don't want another person to be my sole source of positive thoughts about me.  I should be able to create them on my own.  Even if they aren't true... It's late.  I should go to bed.

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