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Thursday, September 02, 2004

on the way back

You may have noticed that after speculating here about a month ago about why weblogs by dominants seemed relatively rare, I seemed to have vanished. The reason(s) behind that disappearance may provide an enlightening clue for that earlier speculation.

To put it plainly, the lovely & talented L and I are now living together. This is a reflection of some very significant changes in the relationship that I'll need to talk about on another occasion. But, I can honestly say that cohabitation is proving to be wonderful for us. There's more time and opportunity for ALL the things we enjoy doing together: talking, cooking and sharing meals, watching movies (and some occasional mindless tv), playing, sex, etc., etc. Our life together is so full that there seems to be much less time available for what were once more solitary pleasures... in my case, for example, writing.

I suppose I should say that I've missed it terribly, but it's not been that bad. Still, I have thought about this project often in recent weeks and have experienced some longing to return to it when things were "more settled." Moving is still in progress, and I'm about to change ISPs, so there may not be regular entries here for a little while yet. I am, however, committed to this project... for my own benefit.

What does all this have to do with the rarity of blogs by Doms? Does it mean they've all moved in with thier submissives and are too busy flogging and f*cking to write?? Well, there may be some truth in that. In the past few weeks that's sort of been my story. There's something more substantial that I'm glimpsing, though.

As our D/s relationship has deepened ...as my role becomes more "Master" than simply "Dom" [[ as WE define those terms! ]]... the responsibility I feel for L naturally grows. As she gives more of herself to me, I recognize that with the acceptance of that surrender comes the duty to protect, comfort, nurture, encourage and stimulate. In order to bring my discipline into her life, I must be certain of my self-discipline.

Even in regard to simple play, for every hour that we actually do play I spend a significant amount of time beforehand contemplating the course I want the scene to take, and even more time afterward analyzing what happened, what didn't happen, what I could have done differently to make it better for both of us, etc.

So, no, it's not that writing time is all absorbed by physical activities (though they are pleasant, and we surely do devote a lot of time to them). A responsible dominant time is also taxed by the nonphysical, less tangible, mental activities inherent in his role... things like trying to ensure an environment that will foster the growth and development of his submissive, examining as best he can the path before them for potential obstacles, and making sure that she never doubts for one instant that she is cherished and treasured and loved.

Naturally, these opinions are strictly mine and are guaranteed to be worth no more than what you're paying for them here.

posted by John | 12:07 PM [permalink]


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