Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Let us never forget just what's at stake in the war in Afghanistan: nothing less than the success of the war in Afghanistan. This war may be a mistake, a blood-soaked blunder, an unholy charnel house mindlessly consuming the bodies and souls of untold thousands, an open sore on the pockmarked face of history and an abomination before the sight of God and men, but it is first and foremost a war, and wars must be won. If the United States doesn't win this war, then will it not lose it? And if the United States loses this war, then won't the Unites States have lost it? And if the United States has lost this war, will that not then make the United States a kind of thing that loses wars? And then where would we be?

And just as America can't afford to abandon this war, surely it can't afford to abandon the Afghan people, who without the American military would be left to the savage whims of their hated enemy, the Afghan people. Indeed, it remains America's solemn duty as the leader of the free world to bring freedom and security to the Afghan people by hunting down and eliminating the Afghan people. Nor can America forget its own national security, and the dire threat posed by the Afghan people to our war against the Afghan people.

But we must also remember that the Afghans, menaced even though they are by the evil of the Afghans, are not blameless here. Have they sufficiently appreciated our efforts to kill them? No, they have not. Have they effectively and efficiently rebuilt their nation whenever we've had cause to blow it up? No, they have not. Have they become full and effective participants in the ongoing mission to kill them? No, they have not. It is long past time for the people of Afghanistan to step up their efforts to kill themselves, and not merely rely on American generosity to finish the job for them.

And so the President will be sending additional troops to Afghanistan - but a precise number of troops, carefully determined by the nation's top warologists after long months of carpet-bombing villages of laboratory mice - and they will kill Afghans there, but only for a precise period of time, calculated to be the exact interval necessary to protect our freedoms, or restore our security, or for all of us to grow bored and forget.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 9:49 AM

I would comment directly on the post itself, but given that the Medium Lobster has far more insight into these matters, that would just be an insult to him/her/it/whatever.

Justified despair ftw.
we must fight the Afghan people over there so that we won't have to fight ourselves here at home, though it is more cost effective.
The title of this post causes me to envision "Victory Science Theater 3000" with the Medium Lobster, et. al., as Mike/Joel and the robots providing insightful and amusing commentary on tonight's presidential speech.

Sadly, that would probably be far more informative than the actual speech.
this is what we get (well, okay -- not us really, but poor Afghans) for never having come to terms with what we did in Vietnam. During the Kerry/Bush elections, I just couldn't believe that "criticism of war policy in Vietnam" was considered a *fault* in a presidential candidate. For 30 years we re-invented the history of what actually happened in Vietnam, so there was no chance of learning its lessons in time for Afghanistan.
by Anonymous Kathleen, at December 01, 2009 12:57 PM
Clearly you deserve a promotion to Large Lobster. Excellent post!
by Anonymous Elroy, at December 01, 2009 1:12 PM
Okra Tofu Pie hope Afghan people realize terrible sacrifices americans make for their benefit, like the preempting of the yearly airing of A Charlie Brown Christmas so the preznit can tell us what a buncha news reports say he's gonna tell us.

Hmmph - Okra Tofu Pie doubt they even think about what good muricans have to put up with for their sake, the ingrates.
by Anonymous Okra Tofu Pie, at December 01, 2009 2:19 PM
The Medium Lobster fires truth bullets from a wisdom-gun. Into the, uh, kneecap of confusion.
by Anonymous Leonard Hatred, at December 01, 2009 2:26 PM
Well done, Lobster.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at December 01, 2009 3:15 PM
No RSS??!
I think I speak for all Afghanis when I say, "Aaaahhh!"
BP, RSS and Atom.
by Anonymous Niels G., at December 01, 2009 6:05 PM
this war will not be won, it will be only be spun.
Silly lobster, the 2008 election was not won by a blackman, but by Blackwater(XE). Just like the last 10 or more elections.
Amen, Brother Lobster!
It's only right and proper that we should send 30,000 troops over there. Ever notice that most of the foreign threats we face involve what some country on the other side of the world is doing within a few hundred miles of its own borders? And most of these countries don't even have the logistical capability to send military forces over here. If we didn't help out by fighting the wars where they live, we'd never get to defend our freedom from foreign threats at all!
Yea! More faf-blog. Also more Chinese Spam.Boo!
by Anonymous sleepyinsaudi, at December 02, 2009 7:43 AM
You will have to forgive the Afghans for most of the men are stoned on opiated hashish most of the time. That makes it difficult for them to carry through on whatever it is they start to do because they keep forgetting what it was.
by Anonymous rapier, at December 02, 2009 7:52 AM
At the risk of seeming slightly ridiculous, I would like to point out the witty coincidence of pince being the verification word for a reply to the Medium Lobster.

Venturing further into apparent whimsy, I wish to quote the lyrics of a pop song - they ARE relevant, however, and not only because of the parallelism of "______ science" in the titles.

Todd Rundgren

I've been around the world, I'm going around again
I got a new word up, gonna lay it on my friends
I'm still too young, I've got these emotions in my blood
But when I grow up, gonna be a scientist of love

Working on, love science
Got to know, love science
Show the world, love science
How to be a scientist of love
Tell my friends, love science
Take a chance, love science
Give it up, love science
I'm a scientist of love
Feel the power, love science
Study hard, love science
Know the truth, love science
Be a scientist of love
Choose a plan, love science
Pick 'em up, put 'em down, love science
Bring it on home, love science
Got to be a scientist of love

Hey you!

Sometimes you get screwed up, and you're looking for a cure
But you don't want to see just another amateur
I know the kind of expert you must be thinking of
Go out and find yourself a scientist of love

Some say that love's a game, a random circumstance
I'm not the type to leave that kind of thing to chance
You might sit back and wait, but I'm taking off the gloves
I'm gonna crack this case like a scientist of love

1, 2, 3!

If love's what we want, if love's what we need
Why can't we make love from suspicion and greed?
If love's what we want, if love's what we need
Why can't we make love?

I've got no time to waste just waiting for the bus
This is the place, the space to get down and serious
School is in, the lab is open for research
I do declare that love is a walking, talking church
I've got to quell the beast, be a credit to my sex
I've got to give at least as much as I expect
Can't get no rest 'til I discover what I need
Gotta start somewhere, that why I believe, believe, believe

Believe the word, love science
Party down, love science
Thinking hard, love science
How to be a scientist of love
Place to place, love science
Hour to hour, love science
Can't hold back, love science
Got to be a scientist of love
Sexy girl, love science
Mannish boy, love science
Take the course, love science
And be a scientist of love
In your face, love science
Outer space, love science
Here's a taste, love science
Got to be a scientist of love

If love's what we want, if love's what we need
Why can't we make love in a love factory?
If love's what we want, if love's what we need
Why can't we make love?
@Sean: not only have we not learned the lessons we ought to have from the war in Vietnam, we never would have fought the war in Vietnam if we had learned the lessons we ought to have learned from the Korean war.
Kill an Afghan for an Afghan and the Afghan will gloat for a day. Make the Afghan kill other Afghans and he will gloat for two weeks, tops. Teach an Afghan to gloat and he will kill you. Make a joke about "The Men Who Stare at Gloats" and you will hear a moaning sound coming from deep inside a mountain cave.

On a lighter note: our government is different from organized crime in that when our boss orders a hit he does it without getting capicola on his chin.

Kill for peace.
It never gets old.
Kill for peace.

I had hope this would be another promise that Obama broke. not a chance. all the progressive minded words just a tease.. all the corporate state power hidden agendas out in the open...

I don't think it a good use of my country's time and money to go off and kill a bunch of raggady assed mountain folk so that some suit wearing city folk can steal all their good land, such as it is, to grow opium.

I wish he would just declare victory and leave and not wait the 18 months, 35k more troops, and thousands of dead people later...
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at December 02, 2009 10:25 PM
I like pie
by Anonymous Anonymous, at December 03, 2009 12:42 AM
If an Afghan joins the Taliban, doesn't this count as democracy?
by Anonymous Oskar Shapley, at December 03, 2009 6:19 AM
Not only will this war cost no money, it will also inconvenience no middle-class, voting Americans, and will end end on schedule for the next Presidential election.
Remember when we used to march on Washington?

If you give me a ride and let me bring my dog, I'll chip in for gas & stuff.
Pimped you here!


Loves me some FafBlog
If I wasn't too old to have a child, I'd ask you to be its godfather.

Though Medium doesn't sound quite as good as Lobster as a first name, I admit.
by Anonymous Balakirev, at December 04, 2009 7:41 PM
Great post.
This war is just ****** (words fail)
Nice Article though. Sharing thoughts might give a helpful tips.
Thanks Lobster for this post. I love science!
I think American too cocky, they want all Islamic countries were destroyed, because it is the American goal and israel, many of them civilians were killed afagnistan increasingly showing American barbarism. it's also what happens diirak, under the pretext of looking for terrorists, they destroyed a country and without the guilt of their murder of civilians iraq, my heart hurts to see people oppressed by the nation's Islamic rage like this.
The War in Afghanistan is an unjust war to protect the drug profits for the opium heroin lords of Britain. The Taliban had eradicated the opium and other plants and the drug dealers in London and America needed to get their profits back. Go and look up the opium wars in China and the Sassoon family along with the Delanos. Also the WTC 7 building fell without a plane impact? How did that Happen? How did the US military for 2 hours not defend the Pentagon? How did passports of the Alleged bombers survive the fireball... Its all a scam with remote airplanes like predator and global hawk planes...

relativity theory or


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