(*DISCLAIMER: This article has been dramatically edited due to limited column space allocations. The reader should in no way infer that it discloses "everything.")
See if you can guess to which item the following disclaimer applies:
Keep out of reach of small children. Do not throw or run with the item as adverse physical damage may occur. Use only under the supervision of a responsible adult. Not recommended for culinary use without proper pre-treatment. Not suitable for use by those with a history of emotional or mental disorders.
If the preceding disclaimer were attached to a stick when I was a growing up as a small child, my opportunity to play, not to mention to develop my imagination would have been severely curtailed.
I don't remember, nor could I find in research, when the first disclaimer was put to use. I do know that in my early days in advertising, disclaimers were very rare. So were the lawsuits for which they were intended to ward off. People were expected to have common sense in regards to simple items and to study more complex situations in depth for their own security.
Today disclaimers are big business for the disclaimer-adept and a confusing maze for the rest of us. We not only take them for granted, but have often become immune to and ignore their message. We often assume they are placed there for our protection by some hidden benevolent entity. Some of us see them as a device created to protect the product or service from legal liability. The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules for disclaimers, nor are there guidelines as to who generates them or how they should be worded. That is, with the exception of those who operate within a created closed system.
In the case of television advertising showing, for example, an automobile performing dangerous stunts by a professional driver, the station's legal department may require a "Please do not attempt..." style disclaimer. Liquor manufacturer's legal departments may request their ad state: "Please drink responsibly." Drug manufacturers disclaimers are often quite lengthy due to the incomprehensible complexity of chemistry's interaction with each human body.
Governmental entities generally only become involved if the advertising makes claims regarding: health or safety; something consumers have difficulty evaluating by themselves; subjective subject matter.
The aforementioned criteria are open to broad interpretation and guidelines are increasingly expanded - in any system, there are always those seeking advancement through power. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that our legal system has all but commandeered the rules of disclaimers.
The regulations by the Federal Trade Commission and Federal Election Commission are too extensive to list in this article and should be followed carefully by organizations for which they pertain, but with exceptions, general advertising rules are as follows:
1. Disclaimers should be precise.
2. Disclaimers should be large enough to enable them to be actually read. General laws state that the type size in print must be at least 7 point. Banks are required to use 8-point type. A real estate HUD disclaimer must be 10-point all capital letters. Television print disclaimers enter a gray area due to the differences in broadcast and screen sizes.
The director of misleading advertising offered this statement.
"It is unreasonable to expect that viewers will ... see the ad repeatedly and gather the gist of the disclaimer ... It is also unreasonable to expect viewers to videotape ads and freeze -frame them in order to take the time necessary to read (them)."
3. In broadcast, voice-over disclaimers should be spoken slowly enough that they can be understood.
Furthermore, a disclaimer can not: a) contradict a statement made in the main message; or b) alter the general impression made in the main message.
In print, disclaimers should be referenced by symbols such as an asterisk (*) connecting the disclaimer to the statement. Do not use the same symbol for additional disclaimers - a dagger may be used for a second disclaimer, etc. Disclaimers can be used problem-free if they: clarify a minor ambiguity (e.g. not actual size), or add to the information (e.g. not valid with other offers).
The reason sticks don't come with disclaimers is that they were produced by the same source that created us. Our creation came with an unspoken expectation that we utilize the gifts provided to us: an understanding of the physical world, the common sense of cause and effect, a sense for survival, a sense of morality, and compassion to look after those without the ability to care for themselves.
A lawyer might argue that if the apple in the Garden of Eden had been labeled with a proper disclaimer, there would be no need for secular law. I sometimes wonder if the aforementioned gifts were conscientiously employed, would we have a need for lawyers?
For your amusement, the following are actual disclaimers. Some make you think twice. Some were written by those who obviously didn't think once. Enjoy!
* Do not place a live animal in the microwave. Doing so could be fatal.
* Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
* Product will be hot after heating.
* Do not iron clothes on body.
* May cause rectal bleeding and/or sudden death. Ask your doctor if it's right for you.
* Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
* Do not use while sleeping.
* Many suitcases look alike.
* This page made from 100 percent recycled electrons.
* Quantities are limited while supplies last.
* Read at your own risk.
* Webmaster is also not responsible for items left, lost or stolen.
* Penalty for private use.
* Do not stop on railroad tracks.
* No animals were harmed in the preparation of this web site; only humans.
* This space (____________) intentionally left blank.
* Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
* Don't take candy from strangers. Or strange people. Or anyone really.
Nick Iannone has been in advertising, marketing, and graphic arts since 1969 and works for First Impressions Printing of Ocala. Visit www.fipprinting.com.