Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Lynne tells George that they will have their own Christmas pudding this year. George says it smells delicious. George holds up a spoon and suggests they both stir it and make a wish. Lynne says that her wish is to eat the pudding and not put on a single ounce.

It's the end of Christmas day for George and Lynne and after two enormous dinners they are back home. Lynne winds down by taking off all her clothes, donning an apron and making a Christmas pudding, as if they hadn't eaten enough today. They turned down the offer of pudding at Helen's house in order to make their own later.

Lynne does not know that when you say your wish out loud it does not come true. However, she still looks pretty trim despite the amount she's eaten today. George, on the other hand, seems now to have a belly that has folded over the top of his trousers.

With Lynne's wish now null and void, it is up to George's wish to put everything right. Instead of wishing for his holiday weight to go in a flash, George has sensibly wished for a cut price painter and decorator to sort out the frankly appalling tile pattern in his kitchen. There's just no order to it at all.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


George and Lynne are eating Christmas dinner and Lynne thanks Helen for inviting them. Helen's husband says it is their pleasure and suggests starting the occasion with the crackers. Helen wants to wait because George hasn't got one. George claims that he has as he pulled this cracker years ago. Lynne says 'Oh darling'.

So it seems even though they stuffed themselves silly just this afternoon, George and Lynne are now enjoying yet another Christmas dinner. George will be as big as a house by the end of the festive period.

Even though Helen and her husband had invited George and Lynne over, they have only placed three crackers on the table. This begs so many questions, the main one being what two-bit shop did they buy a packet of crackers that only had three inside? This could be 'secondary' Christmas dinner for both couples. Helen and her husband have already had a group of people over this afternoon for Christmas lunch and used up the other nine crackers from their standard box. They suddenly remembered that they had invited George and Lynne over, possibly at the same time that George and Lynne remembered that they had been invited over. If they just came clean with each other, they would have a right old laugh and no one would have to eat a second Christmas dinner.

Helen and her husband seem suitably unimpressed with George's use of the words 'pulled' and 'cracker' when referring to Lynne and so is Lynne. Her 'Oh darling' is laced with more disdain than affection. The effects of George's four pack of Hofmeister at lunch are yet to wear off, leaving him open, as evidenced here, to the occasional social faux pas.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Lynne is on the phone and tells the caller that George is sleeping off Christmas dinner before the Queen's speech. The caller asks if it's a traditional Christmas. Lynne thinks to herself that after Christmas she'll take back all that George bought her which is also another Christmas tradition.

George is fast asleep after his lunch, which looks to have been quite a large one judging by the size of his stomach and the remnants on his shirt. As the Queen's speech is, and always has been, at 3pm and George looks to have been asleep for a good 20 minutes, it must be around half past two, meaning that George and Lynne have their Christmas dinner at around 12.30pm, which seems sensible.

Due to the fact that Lynne has to keep some of her thoughts to herself, the person on the other end of the phone is someone close to George, as it would be to call on Christmas Day. The person on the phone could be George's mother, who has emigrated to Australia. Her and Lynne don't get on that well, mainly because Lynne is still yet to bear her any grandchildren. Telling her that she returns George's presents would not go down very well on the other side of the world.

After a long pause, which Lynne plays off as a bad line, the phone call must end as the hour of three is fast approaching. George has to be woken and this phone call is costing a small fortune. For anyone watching the ITV movie, the Queen this year will talk about lessons which adults can learn from children and feature film of Prince Harry's christening.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are at a fancy dress party. Lynne tells 'Mantha that the local police chief was going to make a big speech. 'Mantha asks what it was going to be about and Lynne tells her it was going to be about a crackdown on local crime. 'Mantha asks why he didn't make his speech and Lynne replies that it seems that someone stole his notes.

The fancy dress party that Lynne and 'Mantha are attending has no theme. We see such costumes as an Elizabethan dandy, Poison Ivy and Cleopatra, in addition to Lynne's saucy policewoman and 'Mantha's air stewardess. We can't see George but maybe his costume is so good it's hard to recognise him. Is that him as the Elizabethan dandy?

For some reason, the local police chief was going to make a big speech at this fancy dress party. There have been many charity balls and dinner dances for the upper echelons of Wimbledon's Glitterati but they have decided to go one more step to the left in order for them to put their hands in their pockets once more. The woman dressed as Poison Ivy is actually the mayor's wife, Cleopatra is the head of a local bank and the laughing cavalier is the local vicar. They've all made it out for this, the First Annual Charity Fancy Dress Party in Aid of the Wimbledon Neighbourhood Watch Foundation.

Of course the party ends up being a bit of a damp squib when the police chief fails to deliver his keynote speech. It was rather foolish of him not to keep another copy of his speech, or indeed not writing out the speech in full. It seems that he prefers to just use notes and riff a bit when delivering his speeches. He's made quite a name for himself and everyone was really looking forward to it. Oh well, at least the man from the circus brought his hall of mirrors with him.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Lynne is at the gym talking to an unnamed friend who asks her if Lynne thinks it's a good idea to date your personal trainer. Lynne says it depends and asks if they are both unattached. George appears and says they look very attached to him as the couple clinch.

Lynne's gym has everything. It has exercise bikes, motivational posters, adverts for chocolate bars and even a place where you can write cheques. It also looks like it has a bar. A man with a moustache wearing a dress is enjoying that part of the gym.

Lynne's friend is seemingly asking her for advice but she doesn't want it. While Lynne completes her paying in slip, her friend has already jumped on her new lover. This is rather unprofessional of the personal trainer, but maybe this is the service he offers. This gym does have everything.

In the meantime George has sidled his way into the gym having enjoyed a smoothie from the bar. On his way back he wondered about the reputability of the gym, but he was lucky to find a certificate on the wall. It clearly states that the gym has license to sell intoxicating beverages.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Lynne is at the beach with an unnamed friend. She tells Lynne that she's been spending time hanging out with a surfer guy. Lynne says it sounds fun and asks if she is planning to meet up again. Her friend says that she isn't because she got bored and waved him goodbye.

While Lynne makes new friends on the beach, George is in the background reading his book. He prefers to be far enough away from Lynne so that people don't think they are together but close enough so that he can hear her conversations. It's a wonder he can get any reading done with that massive mobile disco going on in the background.

Lynne friend is really rude. As she is telling Lynne the reason for the breakdown in her relationship with the surfer, he comes into their line of sight. She uses this opportunity to ridicule the young man even more. The young surfer is irritated by this but not for the reasons we expect. He is irritated because Lynne's friend has made up the excuse about her being bored. The real reason they stopped seeing each other is because the surfer is only 15 years old. She wanted to cover up her mistake so invented this story. She was in fact infatuated with him but then completely freaked out when she found out his age.

Monday, December 13, 2010


George and Lynne are out driving. George looks at a busty woman and Lynne tells him to keep his eyes on the road. George complies and looks at a busty cyclist. Lynne is upset.

It seems the George's Mercedes has given up the ghost as this car has the look of a Renault Kangoo or its mid 1980s equivalent, perhaps a Fiesta Poplar. Lynne is right, he needs to keep his eye on the road as he is about to hit a car reversing out of the Wimbledon Stock Exchange, the centre of the financial world in 1983.

What strange weather there is in Wimbledon today. It is obviously a clement day judging by the attire of the two busty women, but the cyclist is emerging from deep fog. This may not be fog but the billows of smoke after George went into the back of the investment banker. George's new car is already ruined. This is what Lynne is really annoyed about. Not being a driver herself, Lynne has always relied on George to take her to the boutiques in town. Now she'll have to walk.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


George and Lynne are out jogging. Lynne notices Savannah and tells George that she's back with Henry. George says that's what you call recycling.

It is an autumn day and George and Lynne have decided to wear their tracksuits for their run as it is a bit chilly. Savannah on the other hand does not feel the cold as much and is only wearing t-shirt and shorts. Henry, although carrying a little paunch, has wrapped up in a polo neck and slacks. Probably not the most appropriate attire for a bike ride, but he thought they were only going round the block.

Savannah and Henry have decided to give their marriage another chance. Henry, being quite a bit older than Savannah, has agreed to get into shape, hence the bike ride. Henry had previously been heading to an early grave by smoking cigars, eating foie gras and drinking scotch. In order to get his wife back, he has decided to drop his vices.

With recycling being a relatively new term, George has seen it used in many newspapers and has decided to drop it into conversation to show that he his is up-to-date with current affairs. Unfortunately, George skim reads the papers and has got the meaning of recycling completely wrong. Luckily for him, the only person in earshot is Lynne who is equally as ignorant. Unluckily for him, he will drop recycling into another conversation later in the week and will then be ridiculed for his error.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Lynne is doing some stretching with 'Mantha and tells her that she and George went dancing. 'Mantha asks if it was disco or ballroom dancing. Lynne says it was morris dancing and George was shamed.

Lynne and 'Mantha know the importance of stretching before working out. They are being guided through a stretching routine by a woman with curly hair who is stretching her groin. Lynne is doing her abdomen whereas 'Mantha is attempting to bend over without falling over due to her massive bosom.

'Mantha switches to abdomen and calls out the only two types of dancing that she thinks Lynne would do, knowing full well that Breakdancing is far too modern for the likes of Lynne. Lynne recounts the morris dancing incident so vividly that what we see is 'Mantha's vision of it all. George was shamed but not until he was in full regalia and just about to start dancing. This can't be right, Lynne is not that bad a story teller. It must be that 'Mantha wasn't listening properly but trying to think of a third type of dance.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


George and Lynne are walking down the road. Coming towards them is a man in a sandwich board saying 'The End Of The World Is...' on the front and 'Not Yet Here So Eat At Bernie's' on the back. George and Lynne smile.

As George and Lynne pass a woman who is quite clearly trying to hide her identity having just stolen something from CHOC, they are not yet interested in this man's sign. In these times, it was common for men to be predicting the end of the world. They must see his ruse as he would not just write 'Nigh' on the back of his sandwich board as that would be bad writing space management.

Bernie's advertising campaign is trying to convey that there is lots of time for you to eat at Bernie's. Unfortunately this causes most people who see the placard to think that they will go to Bernie's tomorrow and then promptly forget about it. If the campaign said that the end of the world is nigh so eat at Bernie's then it would be better as it would imply that even though the world was about to end, eating at Bernie's would still be considered as a sensible option for the last remaining moments because the food is so good. Unfortunately, Bernie of Bernie's is so strapped for cash that he can only afford a man in a sandwich board as advertising which itself implies that the food isn't very good.

Monday, December 6, 2010


George is on a train with an unnamed man. He tells George that his in-laws are in a wild west appreciation society and that they often go as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. George says that they are more outlaws than in-laws.

George is on a train. The man who has sat next to him must be a friend or business colleague who is accompanying George to an important meeting. If he was a stranger then George may be a little perturbed that this man has sat next to him when there are clearly sets spare seats on the train.

The man on the opposite side of the aisle to them looks rather disgruntled. As a seasoned commuter on public transport, he likes to use this time to read his morning newspaper. His routine has been rudely interrupted by George's colleague who has started a very loud and pointless conversation with George. His day is mildly ruined and won't get back into his normal swing until his secretary has brought him his morning coffee.

George's colleague has brought up the subject of his in-laws to break the uncomfortable silence. The two don't really know each other very well and he has assumed that small talk will make the journey a bit more relaxing. After George cracks his gag, his colleague has a very strange look on his face; it is a cross between not quite understanding the joke and having a stroke. George senses this and looks a bit troubled. He will soon have to pull the communication cord to alert the driver holding up the entire train. The man will become even more disgruntled when they realise he merely had indigestion.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


George and Lynne are in their living room when the lights go out. Lynne complains that this is the second power cut this week. She goes on to complain that the heating has gone off and it is freezing. George grabs a torch and tells her to look on the bright side as they'll just have to turn in early again.

George and Lynne have watched so much television that the power cut has had no emotional effect on them. They continue to stare at the blank screen as Lynne monotonically informs George of the lack of electricity. If it wasn't for the heating going off and snapping Lynne out of her stupor, she would have stayed there all night.

This power cut is isolated to their house only as the light from the streetlamps still lights their faces. If we look at George's face in the first frame, there is a knowing smile. He has organised this power cut with a deft efficiency. However he has not done it to have his way with Lynne. No, he has blown the fusebox in the garage purely to play with his knock-off lightsaber that he picked up at the market last week. Just call him George Skywalker.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


George and Lynne are at the circus. Lynne tells George that Annabelle tried juggling family and a career. George asks if it worked out. Lynne said it didn't and now she does the juggling.

The circus has come to Wimbledon and George and Lynne have landed plum front row tickets. George's firm leased the land that the circus put its big top up on. In the deal he wangled himself a couple of freebies for the opening night.

Lynne's friend Annabelle wanted to have both a career and a family, unlike Lynne who wants neither, but unfortunately it didn't work out. Annabelle used to be a successful interior designer. She had two children in quick succession but when they started school she wanted to return to work. She had so much trouble juggling the two she ended up having a breakdown; she literally ran away and joined the circus. Now she juggles for a living. She never sees her children or husband. George and Lynne find this funny.