Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Post Where I Talk about Poop.

Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart or shy of bladder that's for sure. I have peed in just about every single bathroom within a 20 mile radius of my house. There have even been times when I go to the store where that I use the bathroom upon first entering the store, do my shopping, and have to pee again before I leave. It's impressive. I could probably write reviews of all the bathrooms.

Pregnancy also does a number on your bowels. I have known many people over the years who tell me they can never poop in public. Actually, never poop anywhere other than their house. I have always found this amazing. Somewhere around the time of my parent's divorce (I was about 13) I developed a nervous stomach. Actually, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Certain foods and undue stress have me either constipated or running to the bathroom. I don't have the luxury of having poop hang-ups. When I gotta go, I gotta go. I don't care where I am. I even have a certain "private" bathroom off the ICU that I use at work. Strategic pooping. That's what I call it. The last few weeks of this pregnancy have definitely done a number on my stomach. I think it's because it's like Dance Party USA in there with Ninja Baby acting like a Solid Gold dancer and pushing on my stomach and intestines.

Another interesting pregnancy development? Weird ass dreams. Some of my favorites include dead friends and relatives, breaking into a pet store and stealing kittens, and pregnant pole dancing complete with black maternity thong panties. Cuz that's what people want to see, right? A hugely pregnant stripper.


I'm also including probably the last belly shot I'll ever take. Thank GOD!
38 Million weeks pregnant
If one more person asks me if I'm having twins I'm going to poke them in the eye.


The Adventures of Pia said...

LOVE IT! When I was peggers everyone asked me if I was having twins. So annoying! Thank God my baby daddy kept telling me how small I was everywhere but my belly. I knew it wasnt true but I'll take that lie.

Robin said...

Why oh why do people feel compelled to ask that?! Don't listen to look adorable!