27/01/2014 06:56 GMT | Updated 26/03/2014 05:59 GMT

The Men Who Are Intimidated By Funny Women

Haven't you heard?

Men - and that is all men - do not fancy funny women. Justcheck out the surveys.

Now, regardless of how much I would love to take my current dry spell as a sign that I am funnier than ever and heading towards great fame and fortune, I will have to strongly disagree. No, I have not spent hundreds of hours in interrogation rooms interviewing hundreds of men, pointing a strong light at their faces, screaming: "A man walks into a bar... Ouch! Are you sexually aroused now?"

What I have done is sex. Even as a female comedian. Against all odds. It's a miracle. I haven't had sex with enough people to call it academic research (unfortunately), but just about enough for a theory to emerge from my funny little brain.

As you should never make a generalisation, I have divided all men in the world into two groups.

Because yes, so I have been standing in front of an insecure man pre-coital and seen him stutter one joke after the other at my face, because he was afraid I would see him as "less of a man", if he couldn't make me laugh. I tried to explain to him that nothing can make me laugh, as I am dead inside, but that did not make him feel better - nor more aroused.

But I have also made men laugh. Not obligatory "I laugh at your little attempts of humor so that you'll fuck me" laughs, but genuine belly-laughs and tears-down-cheeks-laughs. They have made me laugh. And then we have had (almost) laughter-free sex. Here's the difference between the two kinds of men.

The men who have seemed "intimidated" or "turned off" by my jokes, have been insecure and they doubted their own masculinity. They have been trying to compensate for the quality in them they thought I was longing for, by talking about how manly they were on their manly bikes or in their manly jobs.

The men with whom I have laughed before, during and after sex, have been comfortable with any masculinity they have had or lacked. They have not seen my jokes as a threat, but more as a personality trait they could enjoy.

It makes me feel like there is missing an in-depth analysis of the men who have answered the questions of this survey. Is it the same men who are uncomfortable with homosexual people, because they feel like their sexuality is threatened? The same men who find "hogging" not only acceptable, but a wonderful Saturday night activity? Is it the same men who go clubbing, because there, no one can hear what they have to say - which works well for them?

Because in that case, I don't think funny women really care. I have never met an intelligent, confident, interesting and mature man who found the funny-thing to be anything but exciting, sexy and attractive. Those are the men we want. Must funny (and unfunny) women I know get turned on by strong personality traits, not by the men that flex their muscles and cry by the sound of a punchline.

That being said - I meet an excessive amount of insecure manly-men every day, whereas the intelligent, confident, interesting and mature men seem to be hiding. Possibly at a museum or behind a Noam Chomsky-book.

Maybe insecure manly-men are just louder. Who am I kidding, we know they are. Maybe, whilst a guy is screaming "BOOBS!" at you from a moving car, an intelligent, sensitive type is whispering "Lovely personality." from an appropriate and respectful distance.

Or maybe, if someone asks if anyone would just to participate in a survey, obnoxious men are the first ones to go, because, you know, free protein shakes.

I would like to know.