Friday, June 19, 2009

Confessions Of A Worried Mother

Last night was a reaffirming example of all the reasons why I continue to share the story of my postpartum mood disorder struggle after Josie was born. Short of just passing me on the street, if you are pregnant and have been anywhere near my vicinity, you probably know my story. I share it not for any personal benefit, but in hopes that if the listener should have the same feelings, she knows exactly who to call. It's estimated that 20% of women experience a postpartum mood disorder and they believe this is actually underestimated due to all the cases that go undiagnosed and unspoken of. I say postpartum mood disorder because it encompasses a much broader range of postnatal mood problems...from depression to OCD. The number of women who actually may be experiencing any one of these disorders is alarming.

So what causes this? It is truly physical and completely due to the dramatic hormonal shifts that take place during childbirth and the months following, which ultimately effects the chemicals in the brain. As someone who had never spent a day of my life not feeling like myself, I spent months just trying to figure out what was going on. Why was I so worried about my baby? Why did I feel overwhelmed just by the mundane task of taking a shower? Why did I not want to see my friends? What was worng with me?

Not having the resources I needed to understand what was going on, it took me much too long to figure it out. Once I started getting the right treatment, I started feeling better almost immediately. So I've made a pact to myself that all pregnant women that I come across for the rest of my life will hear my story. And even though I've made this pact, each time it's difficult for me. I go into it not knowing how the listener will respond...what will she think of me?...will she think I'm crazy? BUT, I always remind myself that I don't really care what she thinks because if telling my story helps just one new mother, it's worth all the uncomfortable feelings that I may have divulging my own struggle.

The first few times I tried this I honestly wasn't sure if I should keep sharing my story...because I don't just share it with close friends, I share it with almost complete strangers...and it's difficult. But shortly after I started this I received my first "pay off" phone call from an acquaintance who could barely talk she was sobbing so hard. Racked with intrusive thoughts about bad things happening to her new baby combined with feelings of isolation and trouble sleeping, it was immediately evident what was going on. And knowing exactly how she was feeling, I teared up and felt overwhelming hope for her. She didn't know it, but I knew without a doubt that because she made that phone call to me, she'd be feeling like herself again very soon.

Since then I've had 2 others with similar stories call me for help. Each time a new mother calls me, revealing my own struggle becomes more and more rewarding. I just want other women to know that they aren't alone and that they will get better. But last night took the rewarding to a whole new level.

As I was driving home with the girls I received a phone call from one of the mommies who had called me herself after her new baby was born suffering postpartum depression and anxiety (we'll call her Rachel). We got her on the path to recovery quickly and now she's back to work and feeling great. When I answered the phone, she immediately said "Kara, Jenny needs our help...she's not OK" referring to a mutual friend who's baby had just turned a year. Jenny had also recently begun the transition of weaning her baby, which also causes dramatic hormonal shifts. Earlier that day she had confided in Rachel that she was having a difficult time. After describing her symptoms, Rachel knew exactly what was going on...and that she needs help. "This is how we help other women in our community...we pay it forward" she said to me over the phone. She's right, we all need to tell our own stories, support other sufferers and guide them in the direction of recovery. If we all do that, there will be far less suffering. The phone call last night was my most rewarding PPD experience yet...knowing that others are also speaking out and helping others because I helped them and so they are now brave enough to share their own stories. The bond that postpartum mood disorder survivors share is quite remarkable.

I am now a volunteer for the PPD Alliance of Illinois, the IL chaper of Postpartum Support International. If you think you may be suffering from a postpartum mood disorder, please call someone now! There is no need to suffer, this is completely treatable.

PPDIL Hotline: 847-205-4455

Northshore University Systems PPD Hotline: 1-866-ENHMOMS (364-6667)

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