Separation Anxiety

Bubble and Squeak have 2 sisters who are adopted with another family nearby.We have regular ‘contact'(hate that word: sounds so clinical) with days out and sleepovers. We’re about to have a ‘sister swop’ as they are calling it, for a night. Squeak is going there and oldest sister is staying here.

We try to make it as good as we can for our girls. Squeak often indignantly tells us they should all live together. She’s right of course.   When the 4 sisters are together the dynamics can be tricky. Bubble sometimes has difficulty being with her sisters, setting herself apart and resisting their pleas to join in.  Disregulation increases, and the combination of various controlling,  angry and dissociated behaviours among the girls can be a tad challenging! After a sleepover OH and I can usually be found slumped over a restorative beverage reflecting on how brilliant it’s been, and how important it is that they have fun times together. 

We have a massive issue looming. Oldest sister may be going back into long term foster care. OH and I are desparate for this not to happen. We have done everything we can to help her parents avoid this. We have discussed whether we could foster her long term. We don’t have enough room, though. There’s no possibility of building an extension to our house, and we cannot move. Our hearts are telling us we would manage somehow. But our heads are being more practical. 

What is this separation going to do to the sisters?  How are we going to explain it to Bubble and Squeak? How will we support our girls’ upset and terror?  How are we going to convince them that no matter what they will not be leaving us? How are we going to manage ‘contact’? 

If anyone has had a similar experience, I’d very much welcome any advice you could offer. 


2 thoughts on “Separation Anxiety”

  1. Gosh, what a nightmare. We can relate in some ways (can’t say on here but feel free to dm) but have no answers just sending a hug and remember to do what is right for you as a family with bubble and squeak however hard that is.

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