

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Brown Liquor Kick

From a purely casual observer's point of view, tonight I have imbibed two species from the "Whiskey/Bourbon" family. Now, I know that there are vast differences between Whiskey, Bourbon and Scotch. Technically. To me, they all taste like greased mean, but that's irrelevant to this conversation, because I'm drinking them. They smell like a cold shudder, pear jellybeans, and impending evil. Although I drink them, I don't know why. Because I don't derive any pleasure out of it. It's more like an obligation with a pleasingly warm result.


A few remarks: Maybe it's just that I've gotten used to how smooth Jameson Irish Whiskey is when it goes down, cut with a tablespoon of water, but Jim Beam Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey darn't go down near as smooth. Where I can drink Jameson without doing the cocked-head whiskey shudder, each sip of Jim Beam is a struggle, each gulp kept down is a triumph.

And I'm not even dealing with expensive (or necessarily extremely cheap) bourbons here. Nor small-batch for that matter. Jameson is like Stolichnaya; it's from a large processing plant. So is Jim Beam. This is what quality control allows for consumption?

And this is what my friend Sam enjoys drinking?! (I'm sure many of you were wondering why I have a bottle of Jim Beam in my house, and now you know; it was a gift.) How can there be people out there with such warped and terrible tastebuds!? And there are people, for whom a Beam and Coke is what tumbles out of their toothless mouths when they sidle up to a bar... Diffrn't strokes for diffrn't folks, I guess.

Still, I believe I feel the same way about Jim Beam, that Jim Beam consumers may feel about homosexual love. Except... I have the evil in my house. And it must be exercised out. Looks like there's gonna be an awful lot of "whiskey sauce" topping things this summer. Friends: beware! I'm not coming over unless I've dumped two tablespoons of beam into a pound of confectioner's sugar, and baked a poundcake or a hot apple Betty, and slathered the whiskey sauce on top. While there's no excuse for drinking bad liquor... there's no excuse for wasting it, either.


Blogger latinbombshell said...

I am so glad you are back!

I once started an entire relationship based on Jameson's. He was Irish-American ...

9:27 PM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

Yuck Jim Beam. Jack Daniels, please. I'm trying to get my psychiatrist to write me a prescription for it. As for Scotch, it all tastes like cough syrup. Except for Tobermory, which you can't get here but my parents bring back several bottles everytime they go to Scotland, and it tastes like liquid velvet. If chocolate tasted like scotch it wuold be Tobermory. Wow that stuff's good.

5:00 AM


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