Sunday, July 18, 2010

In A Swing

I used to lay in this lawn swing before I was married at night. I would look up at the stars and pray for God to come and get me. I didn't feel abandoned, I just didn't feel owned. I wanted to go home. The pain in the world was too much to feel. I have never been a person who ever wanted to lose my sense of feeling. Even if it hurts, the feeling is necessary. Part of the joy in victory comes from the pain in the journey. I wanted the pain and to an extent, I still do.

I would look up at that sky and wonder about the people watching the same one at the same time. Wishing they could go home too. It is great to be a Christian. It is wonderful to know God gave his life. But it can still suck to be a human. Right here. Right now. In this world where awful things go unpunished and even encouraged, Sometimes the pain of the weight placed on us can feel to heavy.

It isn't fair. At least it doesn't seem fair that we are born into this. That we didn't get the same choice that Adam had. Some would say we do every time we sin. I would disagree. Adam knew no sin. He didn't know how seductive it was. Adam walked the beaches with God. He knew in a different way and what it meant to BE with God. He sinned anyway.

It doesn't seem fair that we all suffer for the sin of this guy. Maybe I would have done the same thing and probably would have. I just hate that I have so see a world so crippled and hurt. There has never been a people so desperate, so angry. There has never been so much selfishness and pride. People are idiots. Plain and simple. Starting with me. We know what the right thing to do is and we choose the alternative route. It may be easier, but it leads to death.

What if Adam had a vision of all the pain the world would have to go through if he took that bite? I don't think he would have. I know he wouldn't have. We don't get that luxury do we though.?  We don't get to take a look at the future and know our actions have effected others. We have to make these decisions now...without foreknowledge.  We make these choices and for better or for worse we get to live by them. Live by the gun, die by the gun. It really shows the importance of praying out your decisions. Because usually, we don't get a second shot. If we act in haste, we can effect others and can never take back our actions.

