Saturday, December 24, 2011

10 Things I Don’t Like About Soccer

...Aka Happy Holidays!

10.  Venues
Actually, games that are played inside, on turf, not at a team’s home venue. This is in general and not meant to be directed at any specific circumstance.

9.  Adidas jerseys
They’re uncreative, ugly, and boring. Especially compare it Puma. It’s almost as if Adidas and Puma were brothers, and Puma was the creative one who was fun at parties and Adidas was the boring one who was good at his job. And German. Seriously, if someone can find me an original (as in, creative) Adidas jersey, please show me. Don’t get me wrong, I like Adidas as a general brand. Proof:



But in jersey form? Yawn.

8.  Juventus Fans
Not all, but most. You’re unlikable. And, in most cases, not from Turin.

7. That Arsenal fan at BMO that one time
What the fuck, man?!

6.  TFC games that start on the hour
This is actually legit. Games that start on the hour make me have to wait 50 minutes for my west bound train home (trains come once an hour).  Have you ever been on a GO platform after a game? Alone? As a girl? ‘Nuff said. Though sometimes I do meet up with some very lovely people. Mostly Dave and/or Boris.

5. The World Cup
Aka when everyone at the bar all of a sudden becomes a soccer expert. And soccer is the greatest sport in the world. And they’re totally going to start following the league this year (no specific league, just “the” league, and no, not Champions). Please stop talking to me (but continue to buy me drinks)

4. Barcelona
Yes, games can be exciting. Yes, there is a lot of talent on the pitch. Yes, they’re perfect examples as to why soccer is the Beautiful Game. Yes, God himself couldn’t beat the team (if he put in his own team of 11 Heavenly players. Cherubims up front, Seraphims playing defense, Gabe in net). But what have they done for me lately? Seriously, what’s the point when the second best team in the league, in Europe, in the world, is nowhere near their level? It’s no longer even a competition. Barcelona? More like, Yawn-celona.   

3. The EPL, in general
Yes, games can be exciting. Yes, there is a lot of talent on the pitch. Yes, their wives and girlfriends are hot. But when it comes down to it, the EPL is nothing more than a title race between a handful. With games in between. I have no interest in the EPL because, quite frankly, there’s nothing to be interested in. I suppose it is still better than La Liga…

2.  Juventus
The Old Lady? More like, Cunts.

1. The actual sport
Anyone who says soccer is enjoyable is a narcissist. Or a Barca fan. Which is similar.

Merry Christmas!


Post script: Skydome is balls. 


  1. Juventus fans are cool, your a cock

  2. Juventus fans are cool, your a cock

  3. Juventus fans are cool, your a cock

  4. You're probably right. About me being a cock, not Juve fans being cool. xox.