Help me write a joke

I like writing crummy jokes, the sort of pun-tastic groaners that tickle your grandma or your seven-year-old nephew.

I’m currently trying to think of a decent punchline forÂ 

How do fish communicate?

and thought you folks could help. My best efforts so far are:

By Morse Cod


They use the ‘Net!

But I know there’s an ultimate punchline out there and between us we can crack it like a ten-dollar lobster. My buddy submitted ‘Breamail‘ which is not bad, but didn’t make me laugh or groan. Give it your best shot, skepchickers! No Googling for fish jokes please, that’s cheatin’.

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  1. Not meant as a rant (O.K., yes it is), but why do people confuse “joke” and “riddle?” A joke generally takes the form, “Three fish walk into a bar…” and proceeds to a punchline. A riddle starts with a simple question, “How do fish…?” and has a simple (apparently not always) answer.

    Please ignore this, but it is a pet peeve of mine.

  2. Some of these are awesome. Tele-fin is pretty good, made me groan. The only one to make me actually laugh out loud is PrimevilKneivel so far.

    Keep ’em coming, this is classy stuff. What a punny bunch we are.

    PS: Old geezer, ignored as requested :D

  3. I sent this to a friend of mine and she sent back:
    they’re schooled in communication
    sturgeons communicate in hospitals
    carp phones
    they discuss social morays and eels
    but it is considered rude to trout
    by pike messenger
    on the fly(fish)
    sometimes they just cuttle

  4. Elloquently

    The tell gilly jokes

    If youâ€™ve smelt them you donâ€™t want to hear from them.

    They project their thoughts with rays.

    They communicate for the halibut

    The can’t talk but their herrings fine.

  5. Well, here goes, just for the halibut:

    It can’t be speech, because they’re hard of herring.

    They wouldn’t use flipper-phones, because that’s just seal-ly.

    Coral music would give them a haddock.

    Sea-mail just attracts the bottom-feeders.

    They wouldn’t talk in Fin-nish; there’s no porpoise in that.

    They’d need a lot of kelp with Angl-ish, and they’d never learn Sand-anavian in school.

    In fact, most forms of communication would just make them clam up. They’d just flounder around.

    So here’s my guess as to how they communicate:


  6. Here’s a riddle:

    No breath, yet living
    With no breath they speak
    On newspaper without reading
    In four days they reek

    Unheard is their babble
    By motion and light
    Though armored for battle
    They’re not here to fight

    Of what do they talk?
    No human could think
    They’re dumb as a rock
    But schooled in things deep

    The answer, of course, is two fish communicating!

  7. @Old Geezer: a riddle requires a logical answer, doesn’t it? many of these answers aren’t all that logical yet still funny, or just silly. take for instance:

    “how do fish communicate?” “i dunno, how?” “they record a Codcast!”

    quite a lot of these are puns.

    here is a simple (children’s) riddle that i quickly googled:

    You heard me before,

    Yet you hear me again.

    Then I die, ‘Til you call me again

    What am I?

  8. Hee! This thread is superb. I thought of a great one earlier but I was watching John Barrowman live on stage ice-skating whilst singing ‘Everything I Do, I Do It For You’ with a bubble machine and immediately forgot again.

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