﻿ How True! Funny Quotes About Life's Little Frustrations
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Today is the longest day of the year—but anymore, every day is. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Diary, 2003

If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960


Confucius say, man think happy, man about to step on banana skin. ~Jeffrey Ashford (b.1926), Loyal Disloyalty, 1996

Most people who have an opinion about everything have actually just one opinion that applies to everything. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François VI de la Rochefoucault


I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960


Absurdity.— Any thing advanced by our opponents, contrary to our own practice, or above our comprehension. ~"Specimens of a Patent Pocket Dictionary, For the use of those who wish to understand the meaning of things as well as words," The New Monthly Magazine and Literary Journal, 1824

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. ~Franklin P. Jones


What you discover about life’s shell game is that it’s hardest to follow the pea when you’re the pea. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

An unwatched pot boils immediately. ~H.F. Ellis

To know exactly what you want from life is to become a magnet to everyone who doesn't. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown


Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs? ~Christopher Morley, Contribution to a Contribution

It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~Grace Hopper

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. ~Author Unknown


If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. ~Edgar Allan Poe

People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown

Men have an irresistible impulse to believe that, so long as they see nobody, nobody sees them — like children who shut their eyes so as not to be seen. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–1799), translated by Norman Alliston, 1908

Perfume: any smell that is used to drown out a worse one. ~Elbert Hubbard

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~Author unknown

The trouble with, "A place for everything and everything in its place" is that there’s always more everything than places. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Victoria: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Lemony Snicket: The car alarm, as it has come to signify the opposite of its intention. When you hear a car alarm go off, you know that whatever is happening, the car is not being stolen.
~From a live Facebook chat hosted by Scholastic Reading Club, 2013 January 16th

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter. ~Bat Masterson

No one is listening until you fart. ~Author unknown

So soon as a fashion is universal, it is out of date. ~Marie Dubsky, Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830–1916), translated by Mrs Annis Lee Wister, 1882

You can shout it to every star,
Bare your soul up to the moon,
Cast your problems nightly afar—
But they always flood back by noon.
~Terri Guillemets

      There is something very strange and unaccountable about a tow-line. You roll it up with as much patience and care as you would take to fold up a new pair of trousers, and five minutes afterwards, when you pick it up, it is one ghastly, soul-revolting tangle.
      I do not wish to be insulting, but I firmly believe that if you took an average tow-line, and stretched it out straight across the middle of a field, and then turned your back on it for thirty seconds, that, when you looked round again, you would find that it had got itself altogether in a heap in the middle of the field, and had twisted itself up, and tied itself into knots, and lost its two ends, and become all loops; and it would take you a good half-hour, sitting down there on the grass and swearing all the while, to disentangle it again.
      That is my opinion of tow-lines in general. Of course, there may be honourable exceptions; I do not say that there are not. There may be tow-lines that are a credit to their profession—conscientious, respectable tow-lines—tow-lines that do not imagine they are crochet-work, and try to knit themselves up into antimacassars the instant they are left to themselves. I say there may be such tow-lines; I sincerely hope there are. But I have not met with them. ~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog), 1889

Interchangeable parts don’t, leakproof seals aren’t, and self-starters won’t. ~Author Unknown

It’s my luck that every time I feel I completely comprehend God’s plan, I don’t have a pencil with me. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Keep a thing seven years and it’s bound to come in handy. ~Russian Proverb

Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009

There is nothing more essential to getting a project off the ground than the underestimate. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object; unless it be still fed with fresh discoveries, and kept alive by a perpetual succession of miracles rising into view. ~Joseph Addison

I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about. ~Sam Ewing

I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy

Eventually you realize that certain people are never going to notice you, and certain others are going to find you no matter where you hide. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Self-Checkout Line – The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009

There are things you do that come back to haunt you — and things that haunt you without ever leaving. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry

It’s annoying to be disapproved of by people who know only half the story, especially when you’re not sure which half they know. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor’s Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous. ~Alan Coren, The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977

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Last modified 2019 May 21 Tue 10:43 PDT
