Monday, November 06, 2006


Remember, remember the fifth of November... yadda, yadda, yadda.

So yesterday was Bonfire Night, the annual celebration of a failed attempt to blow up Parliament back in 16-something-something-who-really-cares-when. I used to love Bonfire Night when my family would gather in the back garden and shoot a relatively hefty sum of money up into the air in the form of fireworks and "ooo" and "aah" at them, then pray to god that the remnents wouldn't fall back down onto us. Aah, I remember that time that the catherine wheel fell off the fence and went shooting across the lawn... those were good times! But now I find it all a bit annoying. This is mainly because everyone now seems to be using fireworks that are at best of a professional grade, and at worst something that King Jong-Il might set off in his spare time.

Seriously, it was like the goddamned blitz round my way last night. And I'm sure at some point someone started firing off some photon torpedoes; I would've raised shields if my house had any.

And I swear my neighbours were actually aiming them at my house. What the hell have I done to upset them?

I went out for a run after the bulk of the fireworks and gone off only to find that the streets were awash with a thick, acrid smoke - someone's carbon footprint has seriously gone off the scale this year.

Anyway, it now being the sixth of November there's still a few stray explosions courtesy of stupid people who can't work out what day it is (dudes, seriously, there's a damned rhyme to help you out there...), but other than that things are almost back to normal...

For my part, I rediscovered the joys of PlayStation over the weekend, and my brother just lent me Black, so I'm off to make some frikkin' huge explosions of my own now - and bearing in mind I'm off work until next week, I might just have to spend a couple of days playing the PS2 in my pants.

(And for any American readers: I don't mean trousers)


skillz said...

I've been wary of fireworks ever since Rescue 999 with Michael Burke did a reconstruction of a party where a rocket went into the sky, exploded, and a piece of the stick flew into a kid's eye.

Miss T said...

Fireworks are illegal here - you have to hire a company to set them off! And even then people get hurt and there's a national emergency...

I couldn't get past "Kim Jong Il" without singing "I'm so ronery".

Dinah said...

I don't know about in Toronto, but in Quebec we set off fireworks every summer. We've had some close calls, and once we accidentally summoned the boat police with our flashes.

I can't stop laughing at the people who are setting them off on the 6th. heh.

And I'm Canadian, but appreciate translations.

Tim said...

Skillz - In Michael Burke we trust. Was it a bit like when David Bowie got that lollipop in the eye? I've been wary of lollipops since then.

Miss T - Really? I sort of think that they should only be handled by professionals here. It would stop kids tying frogs to rockets and trying to send them into space.

Dinah - Ha ha! Summoning the police with fireworks - awesome! You should've said "Oh, thank god - we're rescued!" and hugged them.

Do you call trousers pants in Canada? If so - and this has been troubling me for years - what do you call pants?

Dinah said...

This is sort of confusing, but I'm bounding ahead.

Pants go on the outside. We call them trousers only if it's sort of like, joke-y. Like, I called my work pants trousers. Underwear goes underneath pants. Although...panties are worn by women. Hmm. I never made that connection before.


Miss T said...

Pants are underwear.

Just so long as you don't force Natalie Portman to shave her head whilst your banging away at the PS2 control in your pants.

Double entendre is very much encouraged when reading that last paragraph.

Dora and Tina said...

This is why Old Man Britain (aka Dad) has this obsession with blowing things up. He misses the mother country around this time every year and longs for some fire-works.

When he was back in Britain a few years back at this time, he and my uncle bought some fireworks and set them off in the street. They are crazy, crazy little British men.

We have to stop him trying to blow stuff up here.

It doesn't always work.

Miss T said...

Things like the house??

Tim said...

Dinah - Dinah, Dinah, Dinah... This is how it works:

PANTS (also known as underwear, undercrackers, smalls, etc) are worn beneath TROUSERS, which are the longer, leg covering garment of choice for the lower half of most men.

If you're wearing your pants on the outside, you'd better be Superman.

By the way, Wikipedia informs me that 'in Canadian drug use slang, "pants" can sometimes be a codeword for heroin.'

I will not be playing PS2 while covered in heroin.

Miss T - GASP! What are you inferring?! Good grief! No, I'd be more inclined to be beating Natalie Portman over the head with a rolled-up newspaper for her pitiful performances in Star Wars Episodes I-III.

Dora - Ha ha! Old Man Britain sounds like a bit of a giggle! As long as he wasn't posting them through people's letterboxes then running away - because that, really, should be left to the professionals...!

Miss T - I saw those pictures of the kitchen...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh God!

I can't stop thinking about you in your pants.

Not in a bad way, as I'm sure you look delightful just wearing pants. Or in a bad way, either. Well, I have just had a cold shower...

Tim said...

Ha ha! It's like some awful vision seared onto you corneas!!

Although I just read back over that last paragraph, and it does make it sound like I keep a PlayStation 2 in my pants.

Which is just odd.

Dinah said... amusing!

Miss T said...

who doesn't play with the playstation 2 in their pants every now and then?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I'd have a play right now, but I'm at work. And I haven't got my X-Box with me.

That makes me sound like I have detachable 'bits' - I haven't (to my knowledge).

And, Tim: In my mind you look very cute in your pants. You're sitting in tiny chair from IKEA, surrounded by Lacks!

Tim said...

Dinah - you watch - everyone will have PlayStation pants next year. Mark my words.

Miss T - I know! I mean, the new slimline ones just fit down there so easily!

Inexplicable Device - It does make you sound like you have detachable bits, which I've always thought would be quite a useful tool for humans.

I am the LORD OF IKEA!!!!!

Right: off to rewrite the Coldplay song 'In my Place' with the lyrics 'In my pants'...