Learn to love yourself outside of a relationship

Being On My Own Helped Me Learn To Love Myself

Being alone didn't make me lonely, it made me strong.


My last almost-relationship ended at the beginning of this summer. So when Drake said, "Summer just started and we're already done," you'd best believe I felt that. I wasn't even hurt, I was just mad. I was mad because I had spent the past year putting myself back together, and then I let myself start to have feelings for someone again.

When this short summer relationship ended, I realized that I had to start all over. I had to learn again how to be okay without having that one person to tell everything to, to go out and do fun things with and to feel wanted by.

I was on a search to find ways to be okay without having that "special someone," and I soon realized that self-love was a major factor. I needed to know that I was good enough. I needed to know that I mattered.

It's easy to find someone to temporarily make you feel enough and feel important, but most of the time those people just leave you feeling more empty. If you can find love within yourself, you will never be empty. Self-love doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and hard work, but it's so worth it.

In order to love myself, I started thinking more positively. I focused on the people in my life whom I love, instead of the people who were no longer in my life. I built up each strength when looking in the mirror, instead of tearing apart each flaw. I forgave myself for making mistakes, I let go of toxic people and I stopped relying so much on what other people thought of me.

I began to see with my own eyes, and feel deep in my own bones, how good enough I truly am.

In addition to thinking positively, I also worked on improving my quality of life. I worked out, I started writing, I began to reach out to new friends and I spent more time with my family.

By being so busy, I didn't have the time to sulk around feeling sorry for myself or waiting for someone to come into my life and sweep me off my feet. I realized that life gives us so many opportunities and we can't take advantage of them if we are stuck on someone or something in our past.

As my self-love developed, I could see how much the last heartbreak had helped me grow. I didn't find myself scared to try again when things ended. I found that I was ready to let myself fall and be vulnerable again.

I knew that just because a relationship didn't work out with one person, that didn't mean that something was wrong with me or that I was unwanted. My self-worth is not determined by people who aren't meant to stay in my life.

Learning how to love myself was the best decision I've ever made.

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next



When I tell you something, please listen.


Forgive my past.


I’m just another bro to the other guys.




I’m hard to love.


I’m scared.


When “I’m done.”



Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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11 Things You NEVER Say To A College Girl Trying To Get Into Shape

Just never talk about a person's weight.


When my family and friends joked that I was going to gain 15 pounds in my freshman year of college as a result of the "Freshman 15," I thought it was what it was supposed to be: a joke. However, as the year has come to an end, I realized that I actually did put on a couple of pounds, albeit it wasn't the predicted 15.

As I told those that I wanted to get into an ideal shape for my body, I was met with some insensitive and ignorant remarks. Everyone thought that I mean just losing the weight I had put on.

1. "You walk to all of your classes, why aren't you losing weight that way?"

My legs are more toned than they ever have been before. However, most of the weight I have been gaining has gone directly to my gut (annoying!) and walking does not remedy that. Unfortunately, I have to stick to ab workouts.

2. "But you look fine to me!"

I don't feel healthy to myself. I'm not trying to stay in shape for anyone else, just myself, thanks. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better about my body image but I know something has to be done.

3. "I didn't gain any weight in college."

Good for you. I did. I'm trying to do something about it.

4. "Just stop drinking."

I don't drink. Really, the only liquid I consume is water or iced tea. I don't like soda and alcohol makes me nauseous way too easily.

5. "Isn't the gym free on campus for students?"

Yes, but some people don't like working out in front of others. I am one of those people. My friend lives in an apartment complex that has their own gym and almost no one is ever there but not everyone has that luxury. Also, some are busy and do not have time for a quick jog or to stretch.

6. "You should try this diet/pills/exercise routine."

I am thankful that you are trying to help but my diet is just eating healthy and having a few cheat days in between. I know what exercises work best for me and I am just not taking pills. Bodies adjust differently.

7. "Don't starve/force yourself to throw up."

Trust me, I know. I'm trying to lose the weight healthily. If you do find yourself practicing unhealthy eating habits or realizing your body image is deteriorating, the NEDA Hotline is (800) 931-2237. Please reach out if you are going through hardships.

8. "Won't you have to buy a whole new wardrobe?"

If I drop (or even add) a size or two. We grow out and grow tired of clothes on the regular, what's the difference if you have to buy some because of a weight change? Plus, who doesn't love buying new clothes?

9. "Just eat healthier."

Didn't think of it! Options are limited at college where the dining halls don't offer all that much that is actually good for your body. Now that I'm at home, it's easier. But I'm already trying to eat healthy.

10. "You've evened out since the last time I saw you!"

This is code for you've put on some weight. I hear it mostly from older relatives because my friends will flat out tell me if I've gotten a little chunky.

11. "You're just stressed."

Personally, this one gets me livid. I do admit that when I am stressed or anxious, I do turn to food for comfort but when I am delighted and genuinely happy, will my body magically revert into a fit state?

Sadly, no.

Honestly, I am just trying to get my body back into shape. For me, that means cutting back on greasy foods and kicking a bad habit of sitting on my butt all day. For others, it could mean more or less. As long as your body is in good physical condition and you are content, the number on the scale and others' thoughts shouldn't matter. Take care of yourself.

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