Friday, July 29, 2005


How long before I get in
before it starts,before I begin
how long before you decide
before I know what it feels like
where to?
where do I go?
if you've never tried then you'll never know
how long do I have to climb up on the side of this mountain of mine

Coldplay rings through my head before my alarm clock does. Tossing around like big caesar salad, I found myself on Madelene’s side of the bed. As my hands tap every inch of the bed, I realize she’s not there.
“Honey, does this look okay?” She says as she walks in the bedroom with a dark forest green, sleeveless zipper up vest.
Trying to open my eyes the best I can, I can only make out a girl standing in thick fog.
“Uhh, yeah, it looks great.” I replied.
I managed to maneuver myself to sit upright on the side of the bed.
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! My head pulsates like a big bass drum. I grab my glass of water; drinking it as if I was dried up like a prune.
“Ugh. What happened?” I asked myself...
I walk into the living room to notice empty beer bottles and two shot glasses. It definitely looked as though more than two people were in this room partying. Sadly enough, it was just us; if there were chandeliers, they’d be all over the floor crushed in a million pieces.

Look up,
I look up at night
planets are moving at the speed of light
climb up, up in the trees
every chance that you get
is a chance you seize
how long am I gonna can stand
with my head stuck under the sand
I start before I can stop
before I see thing the right way up

I can’t seem to get this song out of my head. It’s been happening a lot lately. Madelene rushes off with two oranges and a banana. Weird. Just take the 1,000 mg of vitamin C and call it a day—I just can’t see eating two oranges. Blah. I go back to my ~hangover helper routine~ and start drinking my Gatorade. Am I able to write today? Will I get a major block? Will it all be crap? Looking above at what I just wrote, I nearly bored myself to death—sorry folks.

Yesterday was a “mental health day”---yes, shopping. I needed new dress clothes so I don’t look like a starving artist with a big ass that only wears faded out vintage jeans. I needed a new wardrobe. This is where plastic gets very dangerous. I walk into a clothing store that I go to frequently. I’m always bombarded by the owner.
“Ohhhhh, this just came in, it is fa-bu-lous! You have to try this on—this line was shown on the runway at the show, and it’s selling like hotcakes!”
It’s the same thing everytime I walk in there. Every piece she picks up has been selling like hotcakes—then why is it still here? She usually grabs some frilly-ass see through blouse with roses all sewed into it; protruding out like a horrific bouquet of ugliness. I give her the same line all the time which never seems to get through to her.
“How long have you known me? Twenty what years now? I’m not purchasing a blouse that’s going to make me look like some wacky artist’s canvas for a mere $120.00.”
I slide through the racks over to my idea of ‘taste’. I can feel her eyes darting at me; watching my every move; just in case she wants to throw another waste of money in my face. Apparently, I was taking too long—I got two dress pants and two tops thrown in my arms.
“Try these on…” She says to me all frustrated. She always knows what size I am, and always knows if I went down a size or two or went up a size or three…Oddly enough, she knew I went down a size and picked out the right ones.

This is where my hate for shopping comes in. The ‘try them on part’. This is as bad as stepping onto a scale for me. You either lost weight, or lost your mind when you went on a few eating binges.

“Ah, perfect!” I said as I glanced in that carnival mirror. I was so happy that all the clothes fit well. This is a rarity for me. I quickly threw everything in my arms and headed out to the front desk. Not realizing I was $500 dollars in the hole just with the few items I just purchased, I wasn’t sure to get upset over it, or to go with this ‘ah this feels good to spend so much’ type of feeling. It felt good. I went with it.

All that noise,

all that sound
all those places that I have found
and birds go flying at the speed of sound
to show how it all began birds came flying from the underground
if you could see it then you'd understand

Later that evening, Madelene came home and we went out for dinner & drinks. Dinner and drinks led to drinks on my deck...drinks on my deck led us straight in bed… It was a perfect evening. We talked, and laughed like two best friends. Not realizing the consumption of all the alcohol, we both woke up with puffy eyes and major headaches. It was so worth it though—but will we make it through another evening of festivities? We have a date tonight, in fact, she stole my hair appointment this evening which I wanted to get done & primp up for her—but seeing the receipt of my shopping spree, it’s her turn to splurge.

All I know is time definitely flies when I am with her. I hope that it doesn’t slip by too fast, because I want to enjoy the times we have ‘now’. Sometimes we focus way too much on the future, and a lot of us are still stuck in our past. Why aren’t we enjoying the present moment? Tic-toc-tic-toc---it’ll pass you faster than you realize. Let’s not regret our past, let’s not worry about the future, and let’s start focusing on what we have ‘now’.

Ideas that you'll never find
or the inventors could never design
the buildings that you put up
Japan and China... all lit up
the sign that I couldn't read
or the light that I couldn't see
some things you have to believe
but others are puzzles, puzzling me

all that noise,
all that sound
all those places that i have found
and birds go flying at the speed of sound
to show how it all began
birds came flying from the underground
if you could see it then you'd understand

all those signs I knew what they meant
something you can't invent
Some get made, and some get sent
words go flying at the speed of sound
to show how it all began
birds came flying from the underground
if you could see it then you'd understand ~Coldplay