Monday, September 19, 2016

Night of The Twisters

Starring: Devon Sawa, John Schneider, & Lori Hallier
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Long before Justin Bieber, Canada had unleashed another teen celebrity on the world, Devon Sawa. He was better looking, more talented, and much less successful. While not as well known, during the mid-90s, putting him in any film almost guaranteed a bigger box office, and that was the case with Night of Twisters. This horrible, direct-to-video film, never should have made it to the U.S., but gained worldwide distribution because of it's star. Even twenty years later, the DVD is still considered a collectors item among collectors of teen idol memorabilia, and regularly sells on Amazon and eBay for upwards of $50. That being said, what makes this movie so awful, besides that it's an independent film made in Canada? Even for 1996, the special effects are laughable, this was Canada's response to Twister and not only don't the effects come close to comparison, but the story is just terrible. Obviously the story is going to center around the teen star, who sneaks out with friends to go meet girls. He's punished and has to stay home and watch his baby sister instead of going to the town event at the local high school. It's a boring night, until the town is hit by a series of tornadoes, forcing Sawa, to save the baby, save the girls, save his best friend, and then if there's time, go find his parents. The story is straight out of a kids movie, but the language and some of the devastation is not, so which is it? Is this some weird teen friendly family film or some scary disaster movie? The bottom line a lot of people love Devon Sawa, me included, that's why even today he's still getting work, but when it comes to this film, there is no real story, no real plot, it's as predictable as anything you will ever see, and the special effects make the tornado from the Wizard of Oz look more realistic. I can't believe that twenty years later the DVD costs more than the Godfather and they're still playing this thing on cable, but some things are just inexplicable.

The Ultimate Movie Review's 900th Review!!!

2 Little Monsters

Starring: Charles Cantrell & Ryan LeBoeuf
Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 stars

Some true crime stories are so horrific, that they are scarier than any horror film Hollywood can come up with. In February of 1993, Two ten year old boys took a three year old from a mall in England, bashed his head in with a rock, tied him to the train tracks, and watched as he was run over by a train. According to the law they were released at age eighteen, and disappeared under assumed names. 2 Little Monsters is a based on that event, speculating what these boys lives would have been like after they were released from prison. How hard would it be for them to hide their identities? Could they blend into society, having lived their whole lives in prison? This film answers those questions as well as following the paparazzi, who are in for a big pay day if they can find the boys and take their pictures. The idea here is very original and I was very much looking forward to this film, unfortunately, despite a lot of critical acclaim, nothing really happens. Yes, the boys are shy and awkward, and it becomes increasing difficult for them to hide who they were, but there isn't an urgency to any of it. This film moves at a snails pace and nothing substantial ever happens. The producers basically used the story of this horrible crime to sell DVDs, when truthfully they had nothing more to go on since the boys release. Everything is supposition, and it's probably very close to the truth, boring, predictable, and uneventful.

Parental Guidance

Starring: Billy Crystal, Bette Midler, & Marisa Tomei
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Now days, Billy Crystal doesn't appear in films as often as he used to, but for the right project and cast, he's always willing to remind us of why he's a household name. It doesn't matter if it's a raunchy comedy or a family film, his quirky and unique sense of humor always makes whatever he stars in that much more enjoyable and Parental Guidance is no different. On the surface, this is just another family comedy about Grandma and Grandpa getting in over their heads when they agree to babysit for the weekend. Add Crystal and Bette Midler to that and all of a sudden the film is taken to a whole other level. Everyone knows what to expect from both Crystal and Midler, but the real magic is their chemistry and how they play off each other, especially when you throw three unpredictable kids into the mix. Some of the scenes with the grandparents trying to use the modern technology or the kids taking advantage of the grandparents lack of respect for their parents strict instructions are truly laugh out loud funny. Yes, that's exactly what I said, it's a PG rated family movie, but it has more than a couple of laugh out loud moments. Parental Guidance is a film that the parents and grandparents will want to see for it's terrific cross-generational cast, but the kids will enjoy it too, for both it's old school and modern humor. It's the perfect rainy day weekend family feature film.

Eden (2015)

Starring: Nate Parker, Ethan Peck, & Sung Kang
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

How many stories are there that take place on an uncharted deserted island? I suppose such a thing was possible before there were google maps, but in 2016, these stories are almost in the realm of Science Fiction. Putting that aside for a minute, just how many types of stories can you tell, that take place in such a setting, and how many of them haven't already been told? Eden is nothing more than a cliche of these films, and despite not being a comedy, the fact that it has no originality to the story whatsoever is in fact laughable. After a world cup soccer team crashes near this island, and it's clear they won't be rescued, they set up a system of rules. The first major conflict is what to do with the severly injured man, who has very little chance of making it, who is costing valueable resources, sound familar Lost fans? After that, this film literally becomes Lord of the Files with soccer players in their twenties and thirties. The two sides are drawn and eventually one side leaves for another nearby deserted island. As resources continue to diminish, it becomes clear that only one side can survive and the battle is inevitable. Even the ending, which I would never reveal, is a rip off of another classic deserted island story, but maybe you like that setting and consider this the kind of film you might want to check out, okay, but first, consider this. Most of the cast are completely newcomers, and with the exception of Nate Parker, they're combined performances are a bigger disaster than the actual plane crash that brought them to this island. The bottom line, Eden is a familiar setting, featuring a story that's been done, and a cast that mumbles one cliche line after another, the whole thing just left a poor taste in my mouth.