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Real confidence takes effort to attain.
Strelka Institute for Media, Architecture and Design/Flickr

Real confidence is not narcissism.

Although the two often get confused, people with narcissistic tendencies need everyone to think that they're special. They have a need for admiration and a sense of entitlement that's rooted in deep-seeded insecurities. Authentic confidence has nothing to do with selfishness or needing approval from others.

People who are confident don't need anyone else to see their poise, because they don't care. They know which direction is north and they trust in their ability to navigate. No matter what obstacles are thrown their way, they have faith in the process, and believe they will make it to their destination. That conviction, paradoxically, attracts others, because it makes everyone feel more confident in themselves.

Unfortunately, real confidence — something we all want — takes effort to attain. You can't just buy new clothes and expect that to sustain your self-assurance through the ups and downs of life. You need to practice the self-development exercises that help you build the unwavering self-trust you desire.

The list below are 13 habits you need to immediately give up if you want astonishing confidence.

1. Negative self-talk

Sure, at one point in your life that mean inner coach motivated you. But now, it's holding you back and lowering your self-esteem.

2. Caring too much about what other people think

Seeking approval from other people reinforces the idea that you need external validation. The fact is that you have insufficient internal love. To build yourself up, stop trying to meet other people's expectations, and start appreciating yourself.

3. Wasting time on activities, like Netflix, that don't bring you value

To build confidence, you need to develop a sense of pride in your competence. Invest in yourself rather than indulging in temporary escapes.

4. Only seeing shortcomings rather than opportunities for growth

Focusing on limitations only builds their strength. Reframe all shortcomings as areas for growth, and then start taking action to create meaningful progress.

5. Filling your life with screens and stimulation rather than quiet introspection

Stop overstimulating your brain by staring at screens all day. All brilliant minds read and reflect — it's time for you to build a foundation for success and confidence instead of binging on superficial entertainment.

6. Constantly reliving the past

No matter how good or how bad things in the past were, they've already happened. Bring your attention to the present moment and start building a better future.

7. Anxiously anticipating the future

The only way to create the future you want is to be effective in the now. Fantasies about the future don't matter unless you're active in this moment.

8. Asking others for their opinion before formulating your own

Become the expert of your experience. Take your own stance and then seek out alternative perspectives with openness to new information instead of always putting yourself in a passive role.

9. Focusing too much on the details and not reflecting enough on the big picture.

Find a balanced perspective so you can be involved in your current work, know where it's going, and see how far you've come.

10. Looking to external objects — people or things — to alleviate internal wounds

People with real confidence are aware of their emotional pain, and they actively address it in therapy or coaching so they don't get caught in defense mechanisms and temporary pleasures that don't address the underlying problem.

11. Stressing over small problems that don't really matter

Stop creating problems and building unnecessary stress. It only drains you of valuable energy that you could be investing in your personal and professional growth.

12. Thinking about faults, regrets, and failures instead of practicing gratitude

Most people aren't exactly who they want to be. The people who are happy and confident are the ones who appreciate what they have right now, which allows them to continue growing and building a satisfying life.

13. Wasting time comparing yourself with others

Get off Instagram — there's no point in envying other people when you could be discovering your own value. The world has plenty of opportunity to go around, and the more effort that you put into refining your skills, the more confident you'll become, and the better life you'll live.

Confidence is not narcissism, because it's not built from compensation. It's produced from hard work and excellent habits.