Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I'm going to go in a different direction this time. 

In the two plus years I've written this blog, I've revealed many things about myself that others may think "embarrassing."

I've revealed THIS and THIS.

Oh, and don't tell anybody, but... (whispering)  I'm TRANSGENDERED!    *horrors*


In any case, I reveal things about myself here.  Is it therapeutic?  Yes, a bit.  Does it help me organize my thoughts?  Maybe.  In any case, I feel a this blog SHOULD be about my thoughts, hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs, etc.

We all have different beliefs, some of which can't really be substantiated.  We believe things that others think silly.  It's part of what makes us human.

Here's some examples:

  • Believing "Trickle down" economics works despite overwhelming and catastrophic evidence to the contrary.  Corollary:  That global warming DOESN'T exist.
  • Believing that a person is inferior due to skin color, country/area of origin, gender, sexual preference, and/or religious or political beliefs.
  • Any Religion.  Yes, someone thinks yours is silly and/or wrong, trust me. 
  • That doing some personal ritual will influence the outcome of a sporting event/activity miles away.

You get the idea, I hope.

So.  Why do I bring this up?  Because I want to write about another "strange" belief of mine.

I believe in Ghosts.

Yes, really. 

*watches subscriber count drop faster than congress' approval ratings*

Stick with me on this one folks (especially Mel.)

I've always believed in Ghosts.  I don't know why I thought the house I grew up in was haunted, but I felt that it was.  It was an old house; built in 1845.  My fraternity house was haunted, but I'll get back to that.  I know many people who say their homes are haunted, etc.

Ghosts are kind of in fashion now.  In fact, my alma mater has a Ghost Hunting group with its own TV show!  There are thousands of ghost hunting groups across the US, and don't get me started with UK and the "Old World" or Japan!

Being me, I read books on the topic.  One of my favorites is an old book documenting "all known" ghosts in the UK.  Another is a book on the Borley Rectory.

So, how did I know my fraternity house was haunted?  Stories passed down by older brothers for one.  Also, one night a brother's girlfriend, who claimed to be psychic, claimed to be "trapped by spirits" in a second floor hallway.  Two BIG guys pulled hard on her arms, but it was like she held in place by an invisible wall.  She was very scared.  I was there.  I saw it.

A year after that, before dawn on a Sunday, I awoke to see someone floating directly above me by a foot.  My bed was in a loft, with maybe three feet of clearance between the bed and the ceiling.  I saw his face clearly, the rest of him was transparent and a bit "wispy."  He was in his early 20s, with sandy blond hair in an old style, and a moustache of the same color.  I couldn't tell what color his eyes were, despite the fact I could see them clearly.  I wasn't scared at all, in fact I felt at peace.  I knew that I had nothing to fear; that this person was just looking me over; "checking me out."  He smiled and disappeared.

For the record, that night there was a party and I was quite drunk.  So it may have been a hallucination or a dream.  It didn't feel like one though, and I remember it clearly.  As my fraternity brothers didn't really like me much already (I was a transfer student), I told no one.

A few days later, my girlfriend of the time stayed over.  She always claimed to be able to see ghosts.  We were studying in my room, when she stood and walked out the door.  I figured she had to use the ladies room.  She walked down the hallway a bit, and came back a couple of minutes later.  When she returned she sat on the couch next to me and said "Do you know this house is haunted?"

"What makes you say that?" I said.

"There are three ghosts.  Two are women and the other is a brother."  She went on to describe him and her description sounded exactly like what I saw.  She also said the women "are jealous and don't like girls in the house." 

I did research and found that a brother had been hit by a car and killed in front of the house back in the early 1930s.  The only picture I found of brothers of that time had someone in it who looked like the person I saw. Creepy.  I still have no idea who the women are, as the house was built on what was an open space in 1929, and I couldn't find anything about any women dying in the house.

To this day, I've told none of my Brothers that story.

Oh, and that girl "stuck" in the hallway?  Five feet from my door that semester.

I also saw poltergeist activity in Runkle Hall: a bed "breathing."  I was among maybe ten people watching after an RA finally opened her locked door.  I was visiting her neighbor, whom I used to date for a little bit while I was in school. That was freaky.  This was 1992.

Why do I drag this particular Skeleton out of the closet, so to speak?

Several reasons, but I think really it's because lately I've been noticing lots of Orbs in the pictures I (and others) take at TG events.

What's an Orb?  According to the link to the left:

"Orbs are believed (by many) to be ghosts in the form of balls of light. They are life forms that travel in groups and are believed to be the human soul or life force of those that once inhabited a physical body here on earth."

Are they really?  Well, maybe.  Let's look at just a couple of pictures.

ShangriLa, Jan 19, 2013   Photo Courtesy Angela's Laptop Lounge

Raven, January 12, 2013

See the orbs?

Was any photoshopping done on these pics?  Well, I can only speak for mine.  Yes, there was on mine.  My nipple was showing so I erased it.  But that's all.  I don't have enough photoshop  know-how to do orbs... yet.  ;)  And obviously, I photoshopped the yellow rings. 

Just for reference, here's a pic from Raven taken a few seconds after the picture above.

Smile!  :)

No orbs.

By now you're either saying "Wow!  This is cool!" or "This chick is nuts."  Or not.

So, assuming these orbs aren't dust, etc, why would they appear in pics of TG girls? 

I have no concrete scientific answer.  Just like I have no answer as to "Does God exist?"

But the romantic in me says this;  I've read many places that spirits that remain, stay for many reasons.  Some stay due to lives unlived or incomplete.  Others remain in places that brought them happiness in life. 

Who, if not the transgendered, live lives that can end "incomplete?"  Who, if not us, find comfort in the company of our Sisters? 

So the romantic in me says that these are the Spirits of our Sisters who find comfort and joy in our celebrations and company.  (or, in the case of the Raven, perhaps alternate lifestyle individuals for whom the Raven was a haven.)

I have no proof in this, as I said.  But something inside me derives some solace in that.

We as people are ALL haunted by Ghosts: Ghosts of our pasts; of those we loved and lost; of deeds and misdeeds; of what Could or Should have been.  We all acquire ghosts in our lives.  For some, the ghosts overwhelm us.  Others are able to rise above them.  Our ghosts give us wisdom and can give us strength. 

Ghosts mean that Life isn't absolutely finite- that we exist beyond our physical time on this planet.  They allow for the possibility of Heaven and an afterlife of some form.  We as people are Mortal- we die.  That's a fact.  But the idea that our spirit could live on? 

One can hope.

And being trans is ALL about Hope.



  1. Oh well, might as well lose a few followers of my blog too. I have never been a big believer in ghosts, until I saw one for myself. Three times, in as many days. Well, I actually saw her twice, and the third sighting was by my husband, who saw "something", a shadow or something of that sort.

    This all happened when we were staying with - and caring for - his elderly mother. I was on my way in from outside, and just after I came through the door, I saw a human figure out of the corner of my eye. She was walking toward and through a doorway into the room where my husband had his computer. I say "she" because despite not getting a good look at any detail, I sense that she was female. Running to the room, I saw nothing.

    The next day, late in the day, I saw her again... this time in the back yard. She was standing near the corner of the house and stepped out of sight. Once again, there was no one there when I investigated.

    On the third day, my husband said he saw "a shadow or something" move through the house, very close to where I initially saw her.

    Was she the spirit of a deceased woman? I have no answer for that. As far as I know, the only person who ever died in that house was my mother-in-law's husband, who died in his sleep. He died so peacefully that she slept there beside him, not knowing until the next morning when he didn't wake up.

    All I can say for sure is that I sensed the ghost to be a feminine presence, and that I didn't sense any malice... and after those three days, we never saw her again.

    The previous year, I had a very different encounter in that same house. It was the middle of the night and I woke up, and I went to the kitchen to get a drink. When I did so, I looked at the microwave to see what time it was. Behind me, I heard someone breathing... it sounded like a man. Thinking it was my husband, I quickly turned around, asking "What?" No one was there! Now THAT was scary.

  2. Sophie,

    As CSN sang in "Deja Vu" ~ "we have all been here before". I feel quite certain that I was female in one if not more than one prior life. I have had too many dreams and semi-conscious visions of myself dressed in the style of the 1930-1940 era. I also have visions and dreams of me being corsetted ala the late 1800s. My wife feels certain that in prior lives she worked on the railroad and she also feels strongly that she was a foot soldier during the Civil War. While I love to dress and present as a woman with a particular affinity to the styles of the 1930s my wife loves trains and really gets into long walks.

    As for ghosts, one son lived in a 100+ year old house during college. Everyone knew that "Beatrice", the ghost of a 12 year old girl, lived in the attic. She appeared often, typically dressed in a nightgown. She would come into the lower floors of the house from time to time and they would see her. They also had several instances of her dropping things or spilling cups. For the two years that he lived in that house they had a standard bet that they would pay $100 to anyone who could spend an entire night up in the attic. Several tried but no one ever collected the money. Beatrice wanted to be left alone.

    I suggest that you visit Asbury Park. Not only is Asbury Park as 'T' friendly as New Hope there is the Paranormal Bookstore which does weekly 'Ghost Walks'. The history of the town is vivid and replete with sightings and other paranormal occurances.


  3. Hi Angel!
    My mom reported the some sort of phenomena when I was very young. She heard a man "breathing" behind her, and no one was there. Spooky.

    Hi Pat!
    We have ghost walks in several towns near me: Phoenixville, West Chester, and of course Philly. Someday I'll get to Asbury Park, if only for the Bruce connection. ;)

    As to past lives, I'm not totally sold on the idea, but I don't deny the possibility. I one had my "chart" read, and was told that in a past life, I was an "Evil wizard" and that I in this life I was to learn compassion. I have had dreams that I was a US soldier during Vietnam and there was a bright flash. I also think I was a woman in a past life as well. Go figure. ;)

  4. Asbury Park ~ Where Music Lives.

    I did not mention a close encounter with Bruce about 5-6 years ago. We were across the lake in Ocean Grove listening to an oldies concert at the Great Hall. When that let out we heard some great sounds coming from the Stone Pony. We drove over in my Mustang and went behind the outdoor stage in a fenced in area. My wife and I each found a hole in the fence to look through.
    The good music was The Big Man, Clarence Clemmons and his group. A few minutes after we got there Bruce walked out. He passed about 2 feet from me on the other side of the fence. They did Thunder Road, Glory Days and a 10 minuter verion of Mustang Sally that blew me away.

    The Pony is a gem. We have seen Dave Mason there as well as Southside Johnny and several less well known but good sounding acts. We love live music and we like to watch the fireworks in Asbury. Garden State Fireworks does a great job and there is always outdoor music coming from the Pony and often from other places in Asbury.


    PS: Regarding ghosts and past lives I would bet that New Hope is also a paranormal hot spot.