Captain Holt Quotes Page 1 of 49

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Quote from the episode The Mole


Quote from the episode Payback


Quote from the episode The Cruise

Debbie: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big brother?
Captain Holt: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

Quote from the episode Tactical Village

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Quote from the episode The Wednesday Incident

Captain Holt: Coat, coat, jacket, coat. Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Captain Holt: I remarked afterwards that I wished the officiant had been more efficient. It was very funny. Kevin still talks about it. Maybe I should open with that zinger?

Quote from the episode The Chopper


Quote from the episode Payback

Captain Holt: He was a great partner. Smart, loyal. Homophobic but not racist. In those days that was pretty good.

Quote from the episode Defense Rests

Deputy Chief Wuntch: I'm the front-runner for a job in the Boston PD.
Captain Holt: Boston? But it's so close to Salem. You do know what they do to witches up there, don't you?

Quote from the episode New Captain

Madeline Wuntch: Sticks and stones, Raymond.
Captain Holt: Describing your breakfast?

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Captain Holt: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Jake: Yes.
Captain Holt: I was hula hooping. Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: I've mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.
Jake: Why are you telling me this?
Captain Holt: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]
Jake: You sick son of a bitch.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Captain Holt: Please be seated. Friends, colleagues, gawking New Yorkers, we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago. I've known you both for the last five years. And it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I'm sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I'm proud of you. And I love you both.
Jake: Permission to say it back?
Captain Holt: Permission granted.
Amy: I love you too, sir.
Jake: Love you, Captain.

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Quote from the episode The Puzzle Master

Gina: I did a little sleuthing on your rivals. You want me to spill the beans?
Captain Holt: Why would you ever intentionally spill beans? They're one of nature's most densely packed protein sources, and they remain unsullied by flavor.

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