Sunday, February 8, 2009

what to do

What do you do when you find out a friend that's been depressed for a while went on a drug binge recently? Do you step in, tell mutual friends and risk your trust and friendship with that person, hoping they realize you only did it because you are worried and care about their mental and physical health and wellbeing? Do you pray that this was a one time deal and they told you about it so they could just get it off their chest and move on?

I'm so confused right now. Being a good friend is about keeping their secrets. They trust and confide in you, but at what point are you being an enabler to their destructive habits by keeping silent? In poking around, I've found I'm the only person that they told. It's weighing heavy on my heart, because on one hand I'm worried, but on the other, I feel a bond because they felt the need to confess to me and only me, when they have other friends that they are closer to. I know though the other friends would just rip them a new asshole about it, and from the sound of it, it was just a relapse, but that they've done it in the past as well.

I guess I'm hoping for another chance to just talk with this person one on one, to find out if it truly was a one time thing, or if it now has led to more. I want to call them, or drop by and check in on them, but I'm so afraid of them seeing me as being nosey instead of being a concerned friend.

I've seen what depression can do, as my brother's suicide was an end result to his. Sometimes I think it would weigh better on the minds of my parents had he been under the influence of something, but his toxicology report came back clean. Much easier to say.. oh he was drunk, or he was high, but he was neither. It was full blown depression. I know this person does what they do because of depression, but how do you get them to recognize it to the point they accept help? To get them to stop with drugs and alcohol to try to numb it all, when all it does is make it worse, yet they refuse to see it that way?

I just don't know what to do.. which way to go, or who/what I can turn to for answers.


  1. i wish i could be of some help to you. it's a hard thing to deal with. i know from experience that when you are severely depressed, and you are turning to drugs and alcohol, no matter what anyone says or does, you just don't listen. at least i didn't. i really don't how you can get thru to this person. the only reason i changed was because i almost lost the most important person in my life, so i got scared, and i got help. does this person have anything to lose?? if so, maybe you can point that out to them. but that doesn't always work. i suggest you do what your gut is telling you to do and risk the consequences.

    i'm really sorry to hear about what happened to your brother.

  2. thanks hun. it was 8/28/07 my brother passed, so it's still fresh. they just feel so unloved, and i hate when people get caught in the rut of not loving themselves, and relying on someone else to love them to make them feel they are of any worth. i'm hoping it was just a "fuck it" moment in their life, and that i won't hear of it again. we'll see though. thanks so much! *hugs*

  3. This is a hard one where you can be damned if you do or damned if you do :( Im here if you need someone to talk to I wish I had some better advice... But all I can say is follow your heart if they are really and truely your friend if they get mad they will forgive you when they calm down... I love you

  4. that was suppose to be dont not do twice hehe