Saturday, October 16, 2010

5 diets that are sure to help you cut weight

Saturday is a day when infomercials rule the television. It seems as if all of them are trying to help you lose those pesky love handles one way or another. So as I was flipping through the channels an idea came to me, "Why don't you come up with ways to lose the weight?" So I said to myself, "Yeah, alright!" So here we go. Top 5 diets that work with EVERYBODY no matter anything. (In no particular order)

1. E coli - as long as you keep undercooking your meats or not washing your veggies you can let this bad boy creep into your system no questions asked. (Other ways to get it include touching fecal matter but definitely stick with the undercooked meat or dirty veggies.) Average weight loss for those who decided on the E coli diet? Probably 20-30 pounds with a really undercooked slab of meat or less as the cooked amount increases.

2. Catching the flu - This one is a little more difficult to come by. Basically you have to make sure not to wash your hands and come in contact with as many people as you can. This will help you get all the germs necessary for the flu to take hold. Hopefully you're lucky enough to get a severe case where the pounds will free fall (generally out of your mouth or another place) to your satisfaction. Take the case of James. Just this past week he cut 10 pounds with the flu diet! He had to sleep in the bathtub but that's a very small price to pay for the amount he lost.

3. Get lost in the Arizona desert - The show I Shouldn't Be Alive taught us all that a week in the heat without anything to drink gives your body no choice but to start working with you and leaving the excess baggage behind. It could be a little pricey to go all the way to Arizona and then to get lost but the results would be something you wouldn't forget. The man that taught me this technique lost over 30 pounds in one week! Talk about hot!

4. Train with a wrestler - It might take some getting use to but taping plastic bags all over your body and then running a marathon with a hoodie and sweatpants on is a sure fire way to cut fat. Make sure that every time you think you need a drink, instead of drinking, spit. Depending on your desire you could lose plenty of weight in a short amount of time.

5. Have the cook of the family leave town - This diet will work so much better if the one who stays in town and doesn't cook doesn't have any money either. The hunger bug will strike early but remember that it's going to be there for a long time so try to get use to it or even ignore it. I know a man who lost 5 pounds in a weekend this way. Another benefit it gives is the saving of the money.

So I wouldn't not say to put these to the test but I would say this: Next time you see the ab lounge on TV or someone with a rocking body talking about Hydoxycut, remember that with a raw piece of chicken or no water in the desert, you can the spokes person to your own new diet!


The Ash's said...

haha love it. I know Mono was the best diet I ever had

Silly Gille's said...

Yes Food Poisoning. Its sooo true haha. Love this post. When do you come visit again??