Monday, July 2, 2012

Sleeping Beauty

Time for a story...
(aka, me, for the last 3 and a half weeks)

[cuts are funny things on Blogger. Please scroll ahead to the end to see the recipe.]

"Gather round now kids. Have your cookies and milk? Blankets ok? Okey-doke, let's begin. Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a king and qu--"

"We already watched the movie last week!"

"But what's wrong with having the story again? The movie doesn't include everything that was in the book."

"Is Thor in it?"

"Thor? I think he's a different universe.."

"But Thor can cross dimensions! He just fought Mephisto, a Spider-Man villain."

"Well...theoretically, it's possible.."

"Tell us Thor's part!"

"...ok. But we'll have to get to that, in turn."


"... If Thor's gonna be in this story, he's gotta fight someone, right?"

"Yeah!" "No kissy stuff!"

"Then we gotta know who he's fighting. How good's the fight gonna be otherwise?"


*grabs a gingersnap* "mmm, tasty.. Now, you know there was a king and queen, and they finally had a baby daughter, right?"


"And they were so happy they threw a big party and invited everyone in the kingdom, including the great fairies."

"Except for one!"

"(There can be only one!) But those who did come each had a special gift for the princess."

"What was the princessesesesses name again?"


"It better not be Vesper!"

"Adam! Not this again. And what's so wrong with Vesper? She died for queen and country in the end."


"Ok, what do you think the princess should be named?"

"Princess LuLu who goes Woo Woo!"

"Yeah!" "Yeah!" "That's 'er name!" "I like Aurora.." "4-1, Gracie, sorry.." "..ok."

"arr...well, just so long as she doesn't go wee-wee...  So then, *cookie bite* mm, each of the fairies in turn graced the princess" "LuLu who goes Woo Woo." "with a gift."


"Ah, but here's something the movie left out, namely because it wasn't made in smell-o-vision. Each of the fairies, and there were more than three, had a different-smelling spell."

"Frogs!" "Dog bath!" "Brussels sprouts!"

"Not quite.. You could tell a good fairy from a bad one by her spell-smells, and the good ones all had good-smelling spells, though that doesn't mean they had to be good-for-you smells."


"Good one, Gracie! Strawberries were one, but also (hm..) chocolate and zest, herbs, spices and sugar."

"And the evil one?"

"Bitter, menthol and bitter. Maybe even a bit of chocolate and citrus..I could see that working..."

"You need to go Woo Woo!"

"I WHAT?! maybe later.."

"So the good fairies were all giving their gifts when the evil fairy showed up.."

"And said 'No, my Princess Vesper, I expect you to die!'"


"Which fairy was saved for last, though?"

"The Sugar Plum Fairy!" 

"...sure. Why not? heyyy...yeah.. And though she could not break the evil fairy's curse, she could soften it. The princess would only sleep until woken by a prince's kiss of true love."

"Get to Thor!"

"Ok, so years pass, Princess LuLu" "who goes Woo Woo!" "grows up, yadda yadda, she pricks her finger on a spindle of fresh-spun golden wool and falls into a deep sleep. The good fairies make the entire land fall asleep along with her, but the evil fairy raised a wall of bitter thorns all over the castle to prevent suitors from breaking the spell."

"And Thor's a prince!"

"Actually, Thor was one of the princes who didn't get in."


"Not buying that are you?"


"We would have words with thee."

"Or smitest thou with wet noodles!"

*eyebrow raise that would put Spock to shame* "Yeeaaayyyyy.. Thor, hearing the kerfuffle about the entire kingdom that had slept for decades, descended on the Bifrost to see what was the matter. There he encountered a great castle draped in faded and tattered raiment barely visible underneath bramble grown thicker and more tangled with each passing year, the thorns as large as his arm. Seeing the castle as distressed as it was, Thor raised his mighty hammer Mjolnir and began breaking the bramble hither and thither.

But that disturbance summoned the attention of the Evil Fairy and she appeared suddenly before him in all her bitter acrid glory, rising up up up into a black behemoth of a dragon, greater than even the frost giants! (frosty mug..)"

*GASPs* *hushed whispers*

"We approve of a behemoth dragon." "Please continue."

"With a roar that shook the edges of the earth, she went straight for Thor's liver! The battle was intense, fire bursts traded with hammer blows. Back and forth they volleyed, until a quick blow of the dragon's head dashed Thor to the ground. All seemed lost in the brief seconds the dragon coiled to pounce--"

"When Power Girl swooped in, knocked the dragon's lights out and called 'You're all clear, kid! You go kiss the princess then get home!'"

*WHIPLASH* ("ow..")


"('Atta girl..) Sounds like fair play to me."

"Power Girl isn't even from the Marvel Universe!"

"Power Girl has always been a bit alternate reality-lost."

"You said there'd be no kissy stuff!"

"Is Princess LuLu who goes Woo Woo supposed to sleep forever? How's the story supposed to end?"

"With the hero walking away from a big explosion! C'mon guys, let's do the story how it's supposed to be done.." 

*the four boys, exeunt*

*blink blink* "Sounds like we did the story right."

"Boys are weird.. Better make sure they're not looking for the sledgehammer again."

"Aye.. Goodnight, Gracie?"

"Goodnight, Gracie!"

Sleeping Beauty
1.5 oz SNAP
1 oz Dubonnet Rouge
1 tsp Fernet Branca
2 dashes Fee Bros. plum bitters
1 long channel-cut lemon twist

Stir first four ingredients with ice. 
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. 
Garnish with a long lemon twist wrapped into a skein around a spindle/cocktail spear.

My fairy tale's in a glass.

Because we had a National Gingerbread Day not too long ago (June 5th).