Wednesday, May 02, 2007


In New York everyone is addicted to something. Some people are addicted to alcohol, others are addicted to tobacco and then there are a number of people that are addicted to "Lattes," one of the many items that can be found in the "Foo Foo Drink Category." A "Foo Foo Drink" is any drink at Starbucks that requires more than just your average manual labor.

People who don't drink FF drinks hate them. They think they are a waste of money. They believe that they can make a better drink at the cafe bar with warm half-and-half, 3 equals and some vanilla flavored white powder. They stir their coffee with a brown wooden stick and dive in for a sip. Not satisfied, they add some cinnamon in desperation and walk angrily away.

Outside Starbucks there are people that walk around with a clip board asking you to sign their petition. They want to make it mandatory to have an "Express Coffee Lane." Here, only regular coffee can be purchased. This would leave the FF drinkers stuck in a long line that makes them late to their meeting. These "Folger Hippies" have reason to complain. There is always that lady at Starbucks who has too much make-up on her face, so much that it looks like she just came from a Crayola Photo Shoot.The make-up has managed to drip onto her little white poodle, and now it looks like a moving Skittle. This lady is on the phone with her daughter discussing which color Juicy sweat pants she should buy for the sorority sleep over. As the phone conversation continues, a Starbucks employee asks, "Good Morning, would you like to place an order?" We all know people can multi-task, but its hard to be talking to two people at the same time about two totally different things. Finally after her drawn out conversation, the lady finally decides she is ready to place her order. "May I please have a Vanilla-Cafe-Latte-with-Soy-Milk-Half- Of-An-Equal-Packet-2-Sweet-And-Lows-One-Splenda-And-3-Ice- Cubes, please." (Saying please in a sentence twice is definitely better than saying it just once.) People are lazy, but being so lazy that you need someone else to open up a packet of sugar for you and pour it in your coffee, this means you have issues. After she tells the lady at the register her name, she turns around and whispers to the lady behind her, "My nutritionist recommended this drink." She just ordered a "Foo Foo Drink Gone Wild."

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