Mizzou Women Piss in Public

Faurot Field and Mizzou Review

1656 total miles driven through some of the prettiest country I’ve ever seen, but also I will never be driving there again because by the end of the trip, I was so tired of being in the car that I could scream.  I literally did a few times.

I can’t really tell you how proud I was of our team as I was leaving the stadium.  I know that we pissed the bed the first 2 quarters, but coming back like we did, how we did, and dominating all 3 aspects of the game (minus that one broken coverage breakdown) was glimpse into the world that could be the rest of the season.  I also landed several up close and personal seconds on ESPN during the broadcast.  Can’t lie, that was pretty great.

71,000 my ass…

The Review:

Traffic/Traffic Control:  A

Not much traffic to speak of.  The city is of decent size but even leaving the stadium was easy and without major delays.

Parking: A+

We were able to park on the first row of a deck less than a half mile from the stadium and a couple of blocks from downtown for 20.00.  Reasonable and close.  Loved it.

Tailgating: D

All I heard when we got there was how Gameday ready the fans would be.  How awesome and hard they tailgate, how technologically sound they all were.  Well news flash Mizzou fans, the only people that were up and tailgating the way it was supposed to be done at 8:30 AM were Dawgs fans. When you finally got up at noon and made an appearance, the Dawg nation had dominated most of your ‘prime tailgating spots’.  There is no wifi anywhere, no PA systems set up anywhere, the only TV set ups were Dawg fans and your best attempt at emulating us was some sort of parking lot that featured a spectacle of flailing arm flailing inflatable blow up tube guys.

These people are in for a culture shock when they get on a REAL SEC campus.

Talent: C+

It looks like the tree doesn’t have many branches and the apples don’t fall far from the tree.  Just like the UGA bloodline, these people are in desperate need of some new blood to round out their looks.  There were some pretty girls, but I dare say they were as hot as they looked because their overall appeal was inflated based on the status quo bridge trolls that were running around.

Maybe instead of wearing t-shirts as dresses and shitty jeans and flip flops and actually take notes of the REAL SEC coeds, they may have a chance to go to a B.

Downtown Area: B

Their fan base is proud of their town.  And I’m proud of mine, too.  But all I heard was how Columbia was just like Athens, only smaller and how ‘at-home’ I would feel.  One word for that noise: bullshit.  In no way, shape, form, smell, taste, sight, touch, feel, and atmosphere does there downtown area like Athens save narrow streets with trees surrounding them,

Distance to Stadium (from tailgate): A

We wound up at the furthest parking lot away from the stadium, but there was a shuttle.

Fans: A

The most kindhearted and genuine people (as a fan base) you’ll ever meet behind Ole Miss.  Warm, talkative, and welcoming: these people are the epitome of Southern Hospitality and Class.  I even received a gift of orange bitters from a very nice gentleman in Jefferson City.  Georgia fans take note.

However, I recommend that the younger generation of Mizzou fans step up their game.  They were all wearing stupid skinny jeans, hooped stretched ear-lobe bullshit and smoking pot out of a one hitter in public.  I’ve never seen so many college age people vomit at will and witness a very classy (and hot) coed walk up within 30 yards of me, go behind a tree (or so she thought) drop her jeans and take a steaming piss. Then stood up, bare ass for all to see, and cleaned up.  It was kinda gross yet kinda hot.  But it definitely wasn’t classy especially since a no-line pod of porta-pottys was in clear view from ground zero.

Stadium Crowd Control/Entrance: A

Easy as it gets.  Period.

Stadium Atmosphere: B++

No way that stadium holds 71,000 people.  I’m not buying it.  It was loud though, very loud.  And I was on the front row along with about 15 other Dawg fans in a sea of yellow.  Loved it.  Stadium was hyped up all game until it was decided.

Concessions: C

Eh…just so so.

Bathrooms: A

Nothing but old style urine troughs.  LOVED IT.  Easiest in and out job I’ve performed in while.

Stadium Music: C-

The same old same old.

Field Appearance/Play: A

I hate field turf, but the field played relatively fast and it had pretty colors. 😉

Traffic control on exiting: A

Super easy.  I was super happy.


This was probably the most fun that I have had on a road trip in some time.  The fans were so welcoming and so much fun to be around.  I really enjoyed the beautiful town and campus and atmosphere.  The game was nerve racking but ultimately loads of fun.  I will be going back.

Thanks for the good time Columbia and The University of Missouri.

-Inspector G