mermaid musings on magic

Thanks to Jena Schwartz's 10 Week writing group on SIGNS, I wrote in response to a prompt about the pursuit of magic. I want to share it here as it is super relevant to my work. I hope you find some magic in it for yourself. It is raw & unedited. <3 

Do you really want to know this? I don't think it's a pretty story. The pursuit of magic means losing everything, sometimes. It's surrender, really. Which sounds sublime but in actuality is one of the most painful processes. To release. 

I can't tell you about the pursuit of something until I define what it is, so you see the destination. Magic is synchronicity and power and free will. It's a mixture of everything we hate and everything we love and being able to choose. Magic is an incredible feeling, it's when you feel like you're on path, on your way, like things are good. And hell, magic is when things are terrible, on fire, dying. Magic is the choice to keep going. To continue living. To construct and deconstruct and reconstruct. That's magic. It's WORK. You sometimes fall into it or fall out of it but ultimately you make it. 

Magic is not giving other people, places, or things the power that belongs to you. Magic is the ownership of definition. Magic is autonomy. Simultaneously, magic is also interconnectedness. Merging. Partnerships. Magic is blending and choosing together. Magic is Everything. And yet, it is possible to be without it. 

This is why the pursuit of magic is actually painful. Because you must leave so much behind and say no so often, trusting that what you're saying yes to, the unknown, will be magical. The pursuit of magic can be life-giving, when you realize that magic is really your ability to expand your capacity for power and the unknown. 

Magic is Paradox. Isn't that life? 

The pursuit of magic is a pinnacle overlooking a long, bright river. You think about jumping but you don't. You just sit and appreciate. The pursuit of magic is sex- it takes consciousness, attention, intention, and trust. Making love to life. The pursuit of magic is your heart shattering in a million pieces over and over again and yet somehow you think this is what life is supposed to be so you stay with it, eventually changing your mind. The freedom is breathtaking then. 

The pursuit of magic is burning with a rage so pure that you would do anything for the ones you rage for. Give endless time, resource, and energy for just a little reprieve. Justice. Liberation. The pursuit of magic is burning with a rage so dark you can't see yet somehow, you do no harm. But you never take any shit either. That's magic. How few get there, how long it takes to arrive. 

The pursuit of magic is a beautiful, tragic, story that not actually all of us tell because not everyone will choose. It is rare to want to choose the pursuit; it's exhausting. There is no instant gratification. There is little recognition. 

I think the secret that keeps us in pursuit is that Magic is the one thing that really does last forever.