jueves, 14 de enero de 2016

Only The Martian and The Big Short deserve #Oscars2016 for Best Picture; The Force Awakens is a FRAUD

For Victor Hernández

Only two of the movies that were nominated for an Oscar this year actually deserve it: The Martian and The Big Short.

As a Mexican I feel the obligation to point out that everything Alejandro González (that's his actual last name, but the muy mamón uses "Iñárritu" because he thinks that makes him less common, I suppose) is crap. So does he deserve a nomination? No. He didn't deserve it for Birdman and he doesn't deserve it now. The telenovelas he passes for movies are, to paraphrase The Big Short, "dog shit wrapped around cat shit."

Too bad, of course, a brilliant cinematographer like Emmanuel Lubezki wastes his talen on González's crap, but hey; that's his choice.

As per the rest of the nominations, I guess Spotlight and Bridge of Spies deserved to me nominated, but not wins. The one that puzzles me is Mad Max Road Fury. The fuck is wrong with Hollywood?

But the one movie that deserved NOTHING and got a whole bunch of nominations for no explainable reason was Star Wars The Force Awakens.

That ripoff of George Lucas's original 1977 Star Wars got nominated for best editing. Why? It got the nomination in 1977 for the fast editing George Lucas wanted for the movie. Ever since the editing on all action movies has been a copy of Star Wars. The Force Awakens was no different. Why the nomination then? for showing Han Solo trying to grab Kylo Wren's light saber before he gets killed? What the fuck?

It also got original score. Which is incomprehensible given the fact that John Williams got snubbed for the prequel trilogy and the prequel trilogy gave some of the most memorable musical pieces in the 6-episode Star Wars (yes, Star Wars is only 6 episodes; what Disney is doing doesn't even qualify as Star Wars).

So Rey's theme, which was a regurgitation of The Parade of the Ewoks from Return of the Jedi, and Anakin's Theme from The Phantom Menace, is a better score than Duel of the Fates and Battle of the Heroes? Again What. The. Fuck.

Sound editing and sound mixing. Really? They gave sound editing to The Force Awakens but, of course, snubbed Revenge of the Sith even though the original sound editor from 1977, Ben Burt, did a great job, particularly during the opening battle over Coruscant? Somebody explain that to me.

Visual effects? This one is the worst insult to george Lucas's Star Wars and to the rest of the nominees in the category.

So the robot girl in Ex Machina and Mars's landscape in The Martian is on par with the crappy CGI for Snoke, orange Yoda -sorry, Maz Kanata- and the Starkiller base in The Force Awakens? WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm appalled and offended. As a Star Wars fan who saw how Hollywood insulted George Lucas giving best special effects to The Matrix and not to the ground breaking effects in The Phantom Menace; and not even considering Revenge of the Sith for best special effects (it got a best makeup nomination for burnt Anakin/Darth Vader), the only conclusion I can draw is Hollywood snubbed George Lucas because he was an independt filmmaker and rewards Disney for a sub-par Star Wars carbon-copy just because they are a corporation. FUCK YOU, Academy.

Anyway, I also have a couple of complaints about other nominations:

1. Why did Steve Carell not get a nomination for best actor for The Big Short? He was clearly one of the best performers in the film, but only Christian Bale -who was also great, don't get me wrong- got the nomination. Fuck Leonardo Di Caprio! Steve Carell deserves his nomination for best actor.

2. No cinematography award for The Martian. So the wonderful Mars landscapes throughout Mark Watney's journey are not worth a nomination, but Mad Max's explosions are. Jeez...

3. No directing nomination for Ridley Scott. So explaining visually the complicated hexadecimal communication that good ol' super nerd Andy Weir used in his novel for having conversations between Mars and Earth wasn't worth considering for a nomination. But fucking Alejandro González's telenovela was?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE ACADEMY?

I should stop watching the Oscars altogether. Every year they get crappier and crappier. And when they do nominate good movies, like The Martian and The Big Short, they put them in the same sack of dog shit as Star Wars The Force Awakens and Alejandro González. To rephrase The Big Short, the Oscars are the mortgage bond of movies.

PS: I'm also deeply disappointed in the Razzies. While I agree that 50 Shades of Gray is the worst picture of 2015, I also think The Force Awakens should be nominated for that category. Why? BECAUSE IT FUCKING SUCKS! That's why.

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