Dr. Beads

Sunday, October 30, 2005

They call me...DOCTOR Beads

At Safeway, it's hit or miss whether they call me by my last name (as shown on my credit card and at the bottom of the receipt), or by my husband's last name (associated with our discount card). They have to call you by name, as if they know you. The official reason has to do with improving the shopping experience (right), but I think it's really to give would-be stalkers in line behind you a head start.

The other day, after waiting overly long in the express line (don't they know that lots of people shop on weekend afternoons?), my purchases were finally rung up, and the clerk said, "Thank you, Mrs. Martin." I was in one of my moods, so I said, not unkindly, "It's Dr. Beads, actually." He replied, with a grim look, "Well, I'm a reverend, but you can call me Bob."

Fine, Bob, fine. But you're not my customer, and by the way, I'm not only authorized to perform marriages, I can make most of the bride's jewelry and accessories. That's why they call me...DOCTOR Beads.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I'm not the only one having weird dreams.

This just in from my good buddy Dr. Littlebro (alias):

"We were working for the government providing [professional services at which we're especially adept] for the CIA and we uncovered a secret plot to do away with officials and we received a parade in our honor and then George Jr. shook my hand and bent over to kiss your cheek and you turned around and mooned him.
He laughed and said, "Now that's not something I wouldn't mind to kiss," you became a huge celebrity and starred on all the talk shows and then began filing in for Oprah with Dr Phil."

No response yet to my question about what the hell Dr. Littlebro (alias) ate before bedtime.

Anyway, Dr. Phil? Puh-leeze.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

OK, I'll tell you what's up with all the college reunion dreams.

I attended my 25-year undergrad reunion last Fall, and had something asymptotic to a blast, to my great surprise, the 10-year reunion having been a washout for me.

I think the reunion dreams provide my sleeping brain with an economical way to combine all the anxieties of work dreams and school dreams since, in the reunion dreams, I'm all grown up and have grownup worries and responsibilities in the setting of school.