In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate
Al-Quran (30:30)



Monday, October 10, 2011

What the heart entails

Insha'allah I marry one day. Sometimes I feel doubtful as I don’t necessarily know how to go about it or do I feel I have the energy to. I believe the mere fact I am a convert makes it that much more challenging. Many would be of the opinion it’s otherwise but that is as a result that many reverts come into Islam from a prior illicit relationship (Sorry to say it so bluntly.)  Other times it’s because some brothers go for the “revert” sisters because they like the idea that they can manipulate and sway her as they desire and especially overlook her rights. I am not sure if revert brothers have an issue but if there is most likely its family rather than from the part of the girl.  Frankly, I am not easily amused. In addition, I am not easily fooled or at least I like to think that I am not. Even if I was naïve, if I follow the Islamic guidelines  I can rest assure that Allah will protect me if I don’t have anyone to do so REGARDLESS  if I have a “wali( guardian).”

The purest love that exists is the love of Allah (to love someone for the sake of Allah.) If one loves someone for the sake of just loving them it has not substance and is selfish and transient. I think loving someone because they are one’s spouse and one’s sees them as a blessing from Allah is far more beautiful and “romantic” than what we are constantly bombarded by in this society.

I feel so disillusioned about Muslim men that it makes marriage daunting for me. I would love to find my companion but I really have no idea how that will happen. I have come across men that are “allegedly” religious and when you really delve more you learn that they place honor in other things besides submittance to Allah. It could be nationality, family affairs, class, physical attributes, language and to make matters worse try to belittle others who are not of their “caliber.” Then are those that seem “deeny” but are as superficial as the jersey shore cast. You can bet they have semi-naked female friends (especially non-Muslim females) on their facebook. If they do run away! Not to mention there is no reason to befriend the opposite gender.

 Nothing is more unattractive than a man trying to hit on a sister online and pretend he is trying to make “dawah” … yeah right! They constantly engage in talking to sisters online… so unattractive and weird!

Which brings me to my other point, how someone who loves Islam could love someone that does not love Islam. I firmly believe that what one chooses as their spouse speaks volumes of what their heart entails. If one loves Islam one will see that love in their spouse. If a man does not even care to learn whether the girl he is “interested” in prays, obviously there is a flaw in his own deen as he does not even consider that imperative enough in life to have that as a pre-requisite for a wife. How can someone find beauty in that? I don’t understand.

Because I don’t have a “Wali”… oh wait I do… -_- In reality no one cares or will watch out for your rights more than your own father but I don’t have a Muslim father therefore Allah will be my Wali. I used to feel so saddened about this but then I realize that if Allah guided me and knew I would have to face this alone he would not abandon me and would protect me. Alhamdulillah I have avoided really bad situations! Allah knows what my heart entails and what I most desire. Truthfully, I don’t romanticize marriage never have been that type. I am just trying to implement my Islam as best as I could. The older and more independent I become (from parents etc) the more susceptible to a lot of the diseases of this society and be hazardous to my iman as I had expressed earlier about how my hijab is threatened. Islam is practical but society says its not… but when you are alone others try to convince you otherwise. I want to have a Muslim family. I have always spent my Eid’s and Ramadan alone. Only for once when my mother would wake me up for suhoor and make me something to eat. What a blessing it must be to celebrate and worship together as a family… I really yearn for that. All I look forward to Eids is the blessings of it and buying my family gifts in hopes they also look forward to it and Islam does not become so estranged in order to soften their hearts (gift giving soften hearts) and be a source of dawah to them. Maybe Allah will grant me both one day but until then I hope that my heart remains steadfast in this deen and what I am blessed with is what my heart entails.