Thursday, September 13, 2007

cd40 with a temp drop

and now, looking at my chart, I don't even know if I ovulated. It looked so obvious for that weekend, but now, almost 20 days later... I can't tell. I hate to say it, or think it even, but it looks like cycle 28 will end with no more answers than we had when it began.

I have my 60 day Met follow up appointment on Sep 26. I doubt we will have any more answers then, either. I'm sure it'll be a "let's see what happens over the next 60 days" kind of appointment.

I understand that Met takes a while to build up in your system, and that it could be a few months before I really know whether or not its making any difference. I get that I'm supposed to be patient through all of this.

But how much patience can 1 couple be expected to muster? Its been 28 cycles now, but 42 months. Granted, some of those 28 cycles you can't really consider "trying", but for each and every moment of those 42 months I've been ready, have wanted this, have ached for it. 42 months that have included 2 HSGs, 2 SAs, 1 cyst removal surgery, 2 IUIs, 5 or 6 rounds of clomid, 60 days on Metformin, 3 HCG trigger shots, a CBE Fertility Monitor, a handful of OPKs, 3 months of counseling for each of us, a 6 week trial separation, more intimiate encounters with Mr Wand than I care to think about, and more wasted money on negative HPTs then I'll even allow myself to calculate. How much longer is our road going to be?

I feel the overwhelming urge to drive out to the middle of nowhere, and scream until my lungs bleed. I know it won't do anything to change the situation, but somehow that release of energy seems really appealing.

Patience, grace, strength, and peace, Lord.... Give me patience, grace, strength, and peace.


Wen782 said...

No, no! Go to Stirrup Queens blog and try to find her post of things to do when you're annoyed by all of this. There are some HYSTERICAL suggestions of what women do to "get through it". Hugs, puddin' head!!

You scream if you want to. Annoy your hubby. That's ALWAYS good for a fun time!! Just go and hide his stuff! LOL

nancy said...

~hugs~. I'm sorry I don't have much of myself to give at the moment. Maybe tomorrow.