Tuesday, September 26, 2006

That's A Little More Than I Wanted To Pay, How Much For The Bargain Rack?

An amusing story here about a couple who gets jailtime "for charging a 74-year-old who suffers from dementia a total of 25,500 euros ($32,000) to enjoy the woman's breasts on 10 occasions."

(And no, the breasts do not belong to Shakira. She just asked me to post this in the spirit of things.)

In rendering his decision, Judge Hasse Hakki reveals his low-class hands have only handled clearance-caliber-cleavage, "Based on general life experience alone, it is indisputably clear that a 25,500 euro charge is disproportionate to the compensation in question."

Come on HH, you can do better than that baby. You need to get out and expand that "life experience" homey. My blog is so hot now, my hands don't even leave the Ketel & Cran unless the bra is holding a natural $100K. No bootleg bosom here. My manicured tips only tweak designer nips, feel me? And you're a judge, you got paper AND the law, so getting your hands on some high-priced hooters shouldn't be a problem.

Actually, I'm probably more like the cheap-ass trying to bargain-boob, "yo baby, yo baby, yo. How much for like three squeezes and half-a-jiggle? Two drinks you say? Hmmmmm ... well, I got $7.42 and happy hour is over. How about just a graze over with the back of my hand? Ok fine, side graze, no nipple. But I'm only giving you $7 then. Ok whatever, you can have the $0.42 also. But don't run away after. Let me linger a little ..."

Aside from that, you gotta love the challenge of determining proper compensation for a boob squeeze, or "titty ten-pack" as it were. Anyone got a good formula, equation, or spreadsheet out there?

Let's get these valuations and metrics poppin', so we can get to E-bayin', and start the squeezin'.

Court Says $32,00 Too Much To Fondle Bosom

Monkeys Will Pay To Look At Monkey Ass


  1. Ha. never saw that monkey article. its funny cause its true TAN.

  2. Anonymous9/26/2006

    I would definitely accept $32K for ten boob squeezes. Mayeb even $320. Squeezing a boob is so blah blah these days.

  3. shoot, bet she was even giving him the senior discount.
    That judge is a misogynist. Who is he to lower the monetary value of a women?

  4. Hmmm, titty spread sheet. sounds kinda sexual in itself...

    prices need to vary for firmness, size, and shape accordingly. For example, firm small breasts might bring a higher price than larger but squishy ones (though not necessarily depending on the squeezer). One would also have to determine an reasonable average time allotment for contact. The longer you play, the more you pay.

    I'm getting way too into this subject...

  5. Anonymous9/26/2006

    Who woudnt want large and squishy over small and firm!?!? Large and squishy is the way breasts were meant to be, if I wanted to pay for small and firm I could buy golf balls.

  6. You would be surprised, anonymous.
    Some men find the bigger ones flabby and unattractive.

    I'm straight but, I love boobs, all kinds of boobs...

  7. Funny headline TAN.

    What gets me is the ol' "paying for something, gettin' it, then getting your money back" con game. If the court awards ALL of his money back, that ain't right either. She's selling a commodity that does have a shelf life. Most societies tacitly agree that since women can and men can't die during childbirth (directly because of childbirth), that it's ok for women to sell this commodity, either via expensive wedding ceremonies, or selling it on the streets.

    And selling boob touches is one step away from selling sex itself.

    So either paying for sex is wrong, which means no more big fancy weddings, or this woman with the very sqeezable breasts deserves some bank.

    By the way, whatever happened to "buyer beware"? Obiously his heirs had a "hand" in this. How do they know how good it felt to him?

  8. Anonymous9/27/2006

    re. formula.

    you need shape, size, nipple dexterity, bouyancy. Then you have the sort of existential dilemma of how much is the actual boob vs. the person behind the boob.

  9. "nipple dexterity" that's a funny term anonymous.

    my boobs by themselves are nice, and would be worth thousands if not millions to squeeze. but with me behind them: priceless

  10. Hee hee good laugh for my lunch break, thanks. Aren't people magic?


  11. Anonymous9/27/2006

    that is some funny motherfucking shit. -1

  12. wish i could talk someone into that ish..........[hmmmm, the weekend is comin' up]

  13. Maybe you are interested in this site.

    Small Breasts, does size really matter?



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