Sunday, March 23, 2008

My Dinner with. . . Diana of Themyscira

StinkyLulu recently asked me to participate in a meme about which famous person, alive or dead, I would invite to dinner. StinkyLulu opted for Rita Moreno. It was a good choice. Of course, I was surprised he didn’t say “GayProf,” which would have made more sense. But, whatever. I think we all know who I would choose:

    1. Pick a single person, past or present, in the film industry who you'd like to have dinner with, and tell us why you chose this person.

    I believe that people demand a predictable GayProf. They don’t want a GayProf willy-nilly choosing unexpected people. So who else could I choose but Wonder Woman? Yes, I grant that she wasn't technically in the film industry. And, okay, she doesn’t really exist – allegedly.

    Still, Wonder Woman (a.k.a Diana Prince, a.k.a. Princess Diana of the Amazons, a.k.a. the woman who is too often incorrectly identified as "Superwoman") is beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as Athena, swifter than Hermes, and stronger than Hercules. Plus, she really knows how to accessorize. Who wouldn’t want to have dinner with her?


    Well, Amazon feasts tend to get a little peculiar. Apparently all the dinner guests are first expected to dress like deer:

    Then they are hunted and “skinned”:

    And, finally, baked into a pie:

    Somehow, my kitchen just doesn’t seem big enough to accommodate an Amazon tart. Plus, I don't have a self-cleaning oven. I really hate to make things that I know will splatter.

    So, I think my dinner would be much more simple. Given that Wonder Woman is a vegetarian (cannibal/deer references aside), the menu would be high on the soy protein, veggies and fruits. I’ll make darn sure, though, that all my fruit is remarkably fresh. Produce with blemishes seems to piss her off:

    Maybe I can distract her with a good bottle of Rioja. Thank the gods that we know that Diana drinks wine. Just because you have to deflect bullets with your bracelets doesn’t mean that you should be concerned about drinking something that depresses neural activity and impairs motor skills.


      A. Diana, when you worked at NASA, who convinced you that hot-pants and a plunging blouse was the ideal outfit for work on spaceships?

      B. While we are on the subject of work, you have had a hard time holding down a regular job. So far, you have been a nurse, a Navy yeomen, a secretary, the owner of a dress boutique, a guide at the U.N., an astronaut trainee, a U.N. special agent, an ambassador, a monarch, and now an agent for metahuman affairs. Have you ever thought about seeing a career counselor?

      C. Has the spiking gas prices affected your use of the invisible jet? Also, don’t you think that it is environmentally dubious to just let it fly around the sky empty all day? I mean, it's bad enough that you don't carpool. Shouldn’t you at least be looking for an invisible hanger?

      D. You once explained your unusual star-spangled short shorts:

      After the Bush administration, do you ever feel dirty wearing your uniform? Maybe all the torture, war, death penalties, sexism, and disregard for social justice suggests that the U.S. is beyond hope of being reminded of its once lofty ideals.

      I say that if you want to really send a message, opt for a wardrobe change. Maybe you should think about an outfit that is red and yellow with some columns?

      E. Unlike Batman or Superman, you have constantly been shafted with bad writing and a total disregard to your origin material. First, they took away your superpowers and killed your boyfriend. Then they gave you back your powers and your boyfriend. Then they killed your boyfriend again and took away your secret identity. Now they have decided to split the difference so you lose your superpowers while you are under your secret identity. They call it a "reward from the gods" to experience mortality as Diana Prince. I call it a cheap plot device. Ugh.

      Why don’t you get the same respect as Superman and Batman? Where is your movie and product tie ins?

      You might be one of the “Big Three,” but clearly D.C. considers you the Chrysler of that metaphor. Superman and Batman are out driving Mustangs and Corvettes. You, on the other hand, have been saddled with a 1981 Plymouth Horizon. It’s not right, girl.

      Bob Kane is one step away from canonization, but who mourns for William Moulton Marston? It’s because of the weird Amazon deer ritual thing that he created, isn’t it?

    Okay, so maybe that wasn't so much of a question as a rant. Instead, let's ask another question.

      E. Here you tell Hawkgirl that you will wait for her while she changes her clothes:

      By "waiting," did you really mean "watching her undress?" Just what are your eyes so fixed upon? Her eyes are above her mouth, not her bellybutton. Come to think of it, you never did spend much time mourning Steve Trevor's many deaths. I am not sayin', I am just sayin'. . .


    Anybody can play who wants to do so.


Anonymous said...

Re question 5 - I think the evidence is pretty clear. It reminds me of a Batman comic I once saw where it looked very much like Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson shared the same bed.

tornwordo said...

I'm glad you indulged yourself with that one. How could she pick you, you're not a film star.....yet.

bardelf said...

May I please be a waiter at your dinner, gayprof?

Antonio said...

Hehe great stuff. The last question reminds me of many questionable images Batman and Superman over the years.

Mel said...

Well, there was that episode, "Wonder Woman Goes To Hollywood", in season one of the TV show. So even though she was Yeoman Prince off to the side, rather than in front of or behind the camera, I suppose it's a reasonable stretch.

Historiann said...

You are the only gay man I know with a Wonder Woman crush. I was recently given the a DVD box set of the 1970s TV show's first season, and when I reported that that's what I was watching, all of the straight men my age just got dreamy looks on their faces and said, "MMMmmmm, Linda Carter!"

The show is more explicitly feminist than any show today could ever be. Don't miss Cloris Leachman as Wonder Woman's glamourous mother, and Debra Winger as her cute younger sister, too. (And, of course, the oddly ageless Lyle Waggoner.) A four year old girl of my very close acquaintance was inspired by the DVDs to be Wonder Woman last Halloween. The funniest part of her vision for her costume was that at first she wanted to take along her teeneaged (male) babsitter to play "Major Steve Trevor." But then she realized that he couldn't really trick-or-treat with her, because "Diana Prince always has to go rescue him," and that would get in the way of the candy haul.

David said...


gay prof is by far not the only gay man obsessed with Wonder Woman. I know quite a few others as well. I was always a Green Lantern fan myself (hello, jewelry).

bardelf said...

historiann, I echo david's comment.

Clio Bluestocking said...

"Amazon tart" -- are those the slutty ones?

GayProf said...

Baron: Wait, you meanthat Bruce and Dick didn't share the same bed?

Torn: I might not be a film star, but, come on, who wouldn't want to have dinner with me?

Bardelf: Only if you dress like Dr. Strange.

Antonio: His politics were atrocious, but Fredric Wertham wasn't all that far off.

Mel: Plus she had the t.v. show in the first place. That's close to being a film star.

HistoriAnn: Trust me -- Gay men of a certain age are slaves to Wonder Woman.

David: If it's jewelry you want, let me point out that Wonder Woman wears a tiara. And that tiara doubles as a boomerang.

Clio: Amazons are beyond the category "slutty." After all, if you spend 3,000 years trapped on an island with the same group of people, everybody will have eventually slept with everybody else.

Doug said... I'm wondering why there isn't a Wonder Woman movie franchise. And if there was, who would play her? Hopefully not Lindsay Lohan.

Earl Cootie said...

Maybe Diana's regular job is as a superhero? Perhaps she dallies in these other pursuits just as a means of funding her true life's work. I suggest she look into temping.

Historiann said...

Gayprof and David--obviously I'm not hanging out with the right gay men! (Or the wrong straight ones?)

Alan said...

Well, in case Diana ever does stop by for dinner, here's what you should wear:

Huntington said...

Gayprof, I'm pretty sure you've done a post discussing who you'd like to see play the Amazon Princess if they ever make the damned movie, but I can't remember it specifically.

DTNZ said...

*sigh* I loved Tin Tits :)

From the comic book to the kitsch 70's series.

Good times.

Good times.