Those wacky Christian schools

Say what? Oral Roberts U is being sued? For questionable and outlandish personal spending habits? Say it’s not so!!! I just can’t believe that a religious school might be guilty of anything, much less exorbitant spending. That just can’t be right, can it? Not here, not in America, not by organizations working for God and creating better people and all. I mean, Holy Crap.

Mr. Oral Roberts U gave a speech about the lawsuit to the school….in the chapel. He mispronounced litigious. He concluded, “Make no mistake about it. This suit is about money.”

I wonder if he knows he’s funny. He needs to spend some of that travel and home remodeling money on a speech writer. And a dictionary.

What makes me giddy with excitement, though, is that the former professors who filed the suit have accused Mrs. Oral Roberts U of texting male students in the middle of the night. Now that I can sink my teeth into! How fun! Over-the-hill women acting caarrr-aaaaazzzz-y. I love it! You go girl. Tell me more. Tell me more.

Realistically, though, I’m pretty sure that today’s headline will be the last. Things like this have a way of disappearing. Dammit.