Sunday, February 17, 2008

Cat Conundrum

Hubby and I are having a rather drastic disagreement. The crux of the problem is that I grew up with dogs and he is a cat person. In his family, pets are allowed on the furniture, on the table, on the counters, on people, and basically anywhere they want to be. In my family, pets sit in the next room while we eat dinner, they don’t jump on furniture or people, and they understand the whole dog and owner relationship.

You see, we discussed the possibility of getting a cat to keep me company while he travels. I’m not a huge cat person but since they are far less work than dogs I agreed to consider his offer under a few conditions. No cat of mine, I told him, would be allowed to jump up on our unused dining table or our much used kitchen counters. The cat, I continued, shouldn’t be on the furniture but maybe a bit of snuggling next to us on the couch could be considered.

Hubby doesn’t think that you can train a cat to do any of that and my arguments about spray bottles like I’ve seen on animal training television programs are, in his opinion, a waste of time and energy. He agreed in principle that our unborn cat should not be up on the counters but his reasoning for this compromise is that he’s afraid they’ll fall out the window and down four stories

(Hubby edit: There is a bit of exaggeration in these claims, as a lot her points these make sense to me). (Typ0 edit: There is no exaggeration here – he has said all of these things at one time or another. Just maybe not all at the same time.) (Hubby edit: She never lets me change my mind!!) Anyways, back to our dilemma...

That’s came the deal breaker.

“It will be so nice to snuggle the cat in bed,” Hubby said wistfully. Excuse me? In whose bed? Not mine! Pets do not belong in beds! Beyond the hygiene element what if I roll over onto it or kick it?! No. “The cat does not ever get into our bed,” I explained rather emphatically.

You wouldn’t think that this was a big deal – but it was. We argued about it. Debated the issue for at least an hour. And then said that if the cat sleeping with us was such an issue we could simply not get a cat – ever! (The last two paragraphs are the family friendly version of the actual conversation. Fighting about a cat we don’t even have! Can you imagine?!)

So now I turn to you, my Devoted and Beloved Readers for your opinion. Am I overreacting or is Hubby on crack? Do cats belong on any piece of furniture they take a shining to, including the bed? Or should they know their place and stay at foot level at all times? Please help us solve this disagreement!!


Anonymous said...

You MUST win--but it would be a way of keeping the visitors away if spouse wins.

Queen E said...

Here is an essay I wrote for English. On which, I of course, recieved an A.

“Human affiliations”

Cat people are EVIL and crazy. Dog people have time and again proven their worth in gold through various acts of benevolence, loyalty, bravery, and talent.

From famous painters to royalty to innocent farm girls, dog people have been spreading joy and harmony throughout our world for centuries. Mother Theresa, who helped thousands of the poor all over the world, was an avid dog lover. Other famous dog lovers include Queen Elizabeth the 2nd (who has never beheaded anyone), King Arthur (whose loyalty knew no bounds and who was betrayed by the cat-loving evil duo of Guinevere and Lancelot), Robert Burns (a famous Scottish poet), and Michelangelo (who, of course, famously painted the Sistine chapel while his faithful companion rested below).

Cat people, however, are notoriously well known for their laziness, aloofness, and down-right crazy antics. Who here hasn’t heard of the crazy cat lady? That still-single, forty-plus woman who lives with a billion cats, never brushes her hair, and refers to all her princess kitties as if they were her children. As if this specific cat person wasn’t bad enough, why is it that every evil dictator ever portrayed in television or cinema must have a cat? Do you think it is because cat people are renowned for their piousness? NAY! It is because cats, like their human counterparts, are pure evil who are constantly trying to plot our impending doom. Cat people use the cats almost like plants use osmosis. By stroking their feline coconspirators, they are in actuality absorbing the evil, secret, devious plans that the cats have been devising since they landed on our earth many years ago.

To prove my “cat people are crazy and evil” theory, let us take a look at some well-known famous cat people and see what their particular contributions to our fine world have been. First, we have two very prestigious dictators, Lenin and Stalin. They must have had pretty powerful kitties helping them out on their respective power-hungry craziness. Vincent Van Gogh, renowned painter and artist, was crazier than a poodle in heat. Vince was almost on our dog-lover side, with his amazing artistic ability, but then he cut off his ear, and we knew where his true loyalties lay. Melanie Griffith, a known cat lover, also has lips the size of plums. Dog people would never cut off their own body parts or morph them in any way. Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles; obviously she is evil and ergo a cat lover.

In vast contrast to these cat shenanigans, dog people are always on the lookout for their fellow man. As keen observers of the public, dog people will always be on hand should a mystery need solving, as half of a crime-fighting duo or when Washington, D.C., is in need of a heart.

In conclusion, as I have so very accurately argued my infallible case, dog people are obviously the better humans. Cat people will scratch you. Watch them carefully.

I will also add that by getting a cat you are in fact stating that you never again want me to visit, as I am highly alergic to the little blighters. If you want to burn this hot bridge, you do so at your own expense. The only good cat is a well seasoned one.

Much Love
Queen E xx

Anonymous said...

Queen E..I resent that. I am an avid cat lover and don't thing I am evil in any way. Cats make wonderful pets and they don't require the constant attention of dogs. Even children grow up and eventually take care of themselves .. not dog. Dogs=constant care. Yuck!! Mary

Anonymous said...

As an owner of both dogs and a cat, I can emphatically say--don't get either!! I love my pets, but having 2 dogs leaves fur absolutely everywhere. I brush them everyday and vaccuum every 2 days, it is still not enough. Maybe I'm a little bit of a clean freak, but I can't stand having fur all over my clothes, up my nose, etc. My cat, though he is my baby, I have become highly allergic to. Despite what your hubby may say, they are trainable! My cat, because of my allergies, knows that he is not allowed in the bedroom; because it's disgusting, he knows not to go on the counters or tables. He does, however, have free-reign over the couch, which he defends with his life from the dogs!

My daily life, apart from fur brushing duties, is filled with feeding and cleaning up the by-product of feeding these creatures. Also, several daily walks and the crushing guilt of leaving them everytime I leave the house to go to work, to the gym, out with friends, etc.

I can't actually travel right now because one of my dogs is on medications that need to be administered 2x daily, which the vet thinks that he will be on for the rest of his life.

Love them all as I do, I will not be doing this again!

Knowing you both to be free spirits and that you both like to travel extensively & last minute, I can't picture you with pets!!


Amy said...

Don't get a cat....that could be the dog lover in me coming out. I love my dog but greatly regret the day I ever allowed him up on the furniture because now I am constantly cleaning and have been unable to break him of the habit that I started.