January 9, 2011

Coffee Shop Humor

I did something yesterday that I've never done before ... camped out at Starbucks in Barnes & Noble with my laptop for a few hours. I had dropped the Granddaughter off at Dave & Buster's for a birthday party that was only supposed to last for 2 hours, then I hit Kohl's and saved Hubby $61.00. He's so funny. I texted him that actual phrase -- "Great news. I saved you $61 at Kohl's!" I think it took him a while to realize that if I saved $61, I probably spent a lot more.

But, hey, I finally did the thing I've been whining and complaining about for the longest time. That thing I truly dread. Bra shopping. Just shoot me now. I always have to be in just the right mood for any kind of clothes shopping or it's torture. It gets so hot in the cramped dressing room and I simply hate the process of changing and trying on clothes.

But they have some good deals at Kohl's. Got 3 bras, 6 pairs of panties, a pair of tan dress slacks for work and a birthday gift for a friend's little boy. So it was a successful shopping trip. Then I grabbed my laptop bag out of the car and headed on over to Barnes & Noble, got a mocha frappuccino, found a comfortable little table for one and fired up the MacBook.

Looking around, there was just one other person who was there alone and appeared to be working. She had her laptop open in front of her and seemed to be dictating something into her phone or iPod. She was there before I got there and was still sitting there when I left 2 hours later. Everyone else was there to eat and chat and it was pretty busy.

Don't you love a bookstore? Sitting in the cafe on the fringe of the bookstore is so much fun. Lots of distractions with people coming in and out, kids running around and outfits to critique. Oh girlfriend, who told you those low rise jeans looked good? A muffin top is only supposed to be seen as actual baked goods, not spillage on the fashion highway. I remember when the guys used to call it a Dunlop (as in tires) because it dun lop over. And, dude, I've heard of bedhead, but seriously ... buy a comb!

So Hubby was out of town last week and had called to tell me what happened at Paradise Bakery at the airport. He ordered a plain old cup of coffee and the barista set a to go cup in front of him with a lid on it. When he picked it up, it was so weightless that he commented, "Hey, this cup feels empty."

And she told him {wait for it}, "It's just our light roast!"

Bada bing, bada boom. Ha!

Then she directed him to the coffee bar where you apparently fill your cup yourself.

Way back when, when I was drinking decaf due to PMS issues, we went into a Starbucks and I ordered a decaf coffee with skim milk. The barista called it a Why Bother?

I found a website called The Lite Side of Coffee which has all kinds of coffee jokes and this list, which I love ...

78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...  
  1. You answer the door before people knock.
  2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  4. You ski uphill.
  6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
  7. You speed walk in your sleep.
  9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  13. You sleep with your eyes open.
  15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  18. You lick your coffeepot clean.
  19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
  22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
  24. You chew on other people's fingernails.
  29. You can jump-start your car without cables.
  30. All your kids are named "Joe".
  32. You don't sweat, you percolate.
  34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
  41. People get dizzy just watching you.
  42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  47. Instant coffee takes too long.
  51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
  52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
  57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
  58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
  59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  62. You can jump to the moon.
  63. You short out motion detectors.
  64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
  66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  68. You don't tan, you roast.
  69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
  72. You can't even remember your second cup.
  73. You help your dog chase its tail.
  74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
  75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
  76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
Number 17 made me laugh out loud!


Dazee Dreamer said...

I would never think to take my laptop and hang out at the barnes and noble starbucks. I probably wouldn't get much done on my computer for all the people watching I would be doing.

heavenisabookstore said...

Sounds like fun to me. I love going and hanging out in a random place, especially when I am feeling lonely, but don't necessarily want to talk to people. And yes, it is great blog fodder bc so many people to watch and critique.

Anonymous said...

love 48 & 49.

but being ADD as I am?

coffee just mellows me out.

starting to think i'm missing out on something!

Lori said...

Sitting in the Starbucks at Barnes and Noble with a good book is one of my FAVORITE things to do!!!

Baby Sister said...

I would love to sit at the bookstore...but I hate the smell of coffee...I just can't stand it. Don't hate me!! ;) But that list is HILARIOUS!! Makes me think of Lorelai on Gilmore Girls. :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Sounds like you did some great shopping. I have never gone and sat in the bookstores but it always looks very relaxing.

Pepsi Breath said...

"A muffin top is only supposed to be seen as actual baked goods, not spillage on the fashion highway." Now THAT made ME LOL!

My BF loves to sit in a bookstore cafe with a Chai and a book. I would get too distracted.

To Baby Sister: This baby sister of Jayaycee's also can't stand the smell of coffee. Makes me nauseous. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.

blueviolet said...

You have no idea how much this made me want to go to the bookstore!!!

Loren said...

Oh my gosh! You just make my day every time I visit! Sitting in B&N would be a blast with you! I love people watching but somehow I think it would be sooo much more fun with you! :)

I am thinking I might borrow some of these coffee-isms for my Friday Funny sometime! These are hilarious!! I love 59.... Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position LOLOL

Happy Monday ~ ♥

Kathleen said...

Hard to beat a day that includes "saving" money by shopping and hanging around a coffee shop with books near by!

Snowcatcher said...

You had me from start to finish. In.Stitches. !!! This was a great post! It's been ages since I've heard any good coffee jokes, so that makes these even funnier!

lisaschaos said...

I have not treated myself to a day like that in ages. Sometimes it's fun to just sit somewhere and piddle about. :) Bra shopping, I'm SO not there either. But yay you! Good job accomplishing your task AND saving money! :)

lisaschaos said...

These are all so funny! I think #17 is my favorite! lol