January 13, 2011

The Miracle of Medicine

Hi friends,

Well I am feeling so much better. Coughing has gone down by 48%, this has caused the lower lung region to have a huge deflation of property taxation. Causing a down shift from the middle all the way to the chest cavity, this in return is opening the airways and giving rise to a new sense of hope and rejuvenation. In short I'm feeling so much better.

Thanks to the magic voodoo man and his shadowy helpers I was able to regain some of my vitality, and much of my rest. I have slept the night away with only minor coughing problems. All thanks to these wonderful medications. What medication you might wonder, well lets go take a small outsider look on these great things.

For the first day of coughing the doctor gave to me.

1 tablet of Klaricid

Klaricid, it is a yellow pill that has tiny armies of antibiotic agents. These where trained in the laboratory of the evil mouse rapist Chucky Cheesioso (Not related to Chucky Cheeses or Pizza Hut). These pills, once digested, go and actively attack any foreign body inside, well, your body. The dialogue might go something like this.

Antibiotic Agent: Hey you HALT!
Foreign Contamination: Senior?
Antibiotic Agent: He said "Senior" shoot him.
Foreign Contamination: "Eek!".

These pills so far have a couple of side effect, one of the minor ones seem to be death. Also it seems if death occurs I should consult a physician. I need to take these once a day for 7 days, no problem there till I also read about the "Diarrhoea" which is like diarrhea with a turbo installed.

On the second day of coughing the doctor gave to me (Not really second day still same day I got it from the doctor).

A bottle of Tuscosed Linctus.

This is the cough syrup that your cough syrup wished it could be like. Look at me, now look at you. I got this cough syrup, you do not, why, because I'm so much more coughing then you. Now back to you, now to me, your syrup tastes weak and pathetic it can never satisfy your cough. Mine tastes like golden rainbows coming from an Irish leprechauns ass, strong and disgusting. Now look my hand it this cough syrup now look again it still is this damn codeine enhanced cough syrup!

Codeine is most likely the most fun medicine I had this year, it makes everything just feel like non coughing! (Plus the other side effects are pretty good 2, look it up for yourself when you feel bored). For those that do not know Codeine is from the family of Opiums! (No not Optimus, that would be for the transformers)

Some side effect may include the possible plugging of ones ass, or also called constipation!

These are the 2 medicines my doctor gave to me that did wonders so far!

Now, lets see what the ones are that did not do anything.

Theraflu, also known as tea of evil!

Seriously, we invented this stuff. Theraflu is basically lemon tea with the addition of paracetamol. The taste is so bad that I tried to force it down my throat and my tongue just said "Hell to the no".  Several times the tea flowed more past my mouth and nose then into it. My body just instinctively knew this was evil stuff.

The other thing I bought was Vaporizing Chest Rub.

This stuff is good for only one thing, making your body sticky and basically change you into a giant menthol cough drop. I put this stuff on my chest, thick as the instructions said I should. Cover it with a t-shirt and, nothing, smelled nothing. It all stayed in the t-shirt. Read the instructions again, yep needs a t-shirt, yet it does nothing else then make my chest feel like it received a happy ending of a cats meal. The only sensation this gave me was a warm chest for a while, then a sticky sensation, then just dry glue like ending. For those that love the feeling of wet stuff slowly hardening on you, try vaporizing chest rub.

Now, for something special.
Alcolade Glacial Mentholated Splash Lotion.

This stuff people go crazy for on the island. It usually is green, has a penguin on it that looks stoned out of it's mind (Almost zombie like really, white open eyes arms stretched forward). This stuff is being used on the Island for almost any ailment. You are sneezing, put this on a cloth and sniff it. You are coughing sniff it. You are pregnant, rub it on your belly so it keeps away the father. Your car is low on gas, ok well maybe not for that. Still the amount of different uses this has is just weird. Seen it been used for deodorant., mouth wash, splashed on face to "cool off", splashed on mats of cars to give a better smell. It almost like a can all do all menthol splash lotion. Yet, it did nothing to help my cough, it not even slightly made me feel better. If anything it made my cough worse, and for that this stuff to me is useless (And I got a giant bottle of it). It should be punished in someway as soon as I can think of proper punishment, most likely involving a cat and some voodoo ritual.

Also I had a bottle of advil.

Advil, small pill lot of trill, it takes the fever and pain away. What else can I say, advil buy it at your local botica today! I love advil, goes down easy and works always for me.

Well friends, I'm on the road of recovery and should be all better by tomorrow.

I hope you enjoyed this small saga of pain, trolls and strange encounters while I was sick, if not then stop reading my posts sooner then later.

And the lesson learned, drugs are good M'okay!

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