Edinburgh may have the monopoly on Hogmanay - but let's face it; even without an official street party, Glasgow puts up a fight.

Here in the west we love any excuse for a night out - and we'll rip th a*se right out of it.

On the other hand, we all know Edinburgh types will be heading home after their big party under the castle - because they're from Edinburgh, likesay.

Here in Glasgow, we know how to use that extra bank holiday on January 2 - because New Year is a time to push it as far as you can.

Whether you're out clubbing or having folk round, it's always a laugh - but there are always certain types of punter you're guaranteed to run into in Glasgow at Hogmanay.

Here's just some of them ...


Hogmanay is just another night out to this degenerate, but at least they blend in a bit more at this time of year. They've probably been on it since Christmas and won't make it home until at least the second.


The late Rikki Fulton plays the Rev I M Jolly in Scotch and Rye

How do you know this guy hates New Year? Because he'll tell you. Much like that vegan mate who never tires of bragging that she only eats free trade organic pulses (nobody cares!) this bore will tell anyone that will listen that Hogmanay is always a letdown, and it's rubbish, and 'did I tell you I'm a vegan too?'


Where did they come from? Did they just hear the music and chance it? Or is some walloper giving out your address at the end of Optimo? Either way, we've all been that random - let's be honest. Ideally they'll justify their presence with good chat and fresh supplies, but there's always the possibility they'll just hide in the corner drinking your beer.


Aye, it's good to be organised, but this uptight maniac takes having fun to previously-unseen levels of military precision. Tickets for the day session, the club and the after-party? Bought months ago. Massive carry-out back in the flat for later? Sorted. Dirty looks cos you haven't been as on it as they have? Guaranteed.


The polar opposite of The Professional, this clown has ignored every warning that the party is selling out fast and is now posting hopelessly optimistic messages on FB asking if anyone has any spares. They've also not got any booze in their bit either. Nice one, Graham. Every single year, ya helmet.


'I am just resting my eyes. Then I'll be right back on it ...'

He's not a big partier, but it's New Year so he's making an effort. Sadly, he's going to be completely blootered by 9pm and it'll be your job to look after him. He might be sick, he might try and fight you or get aff with you. Or he might just be a roaring pain in the a*se all night. Enjoy.


She's either trying to be sensible or has somewhere better to go, but this lassie will spend the entire night in your gaff asking you to phone the taxi company again for her as they said it would only be half an hour and that's been three already. It's Hogmanay ya weapon! There are no taxis. Calm doon.


This selfish twat has been laid up in bed with the flu since Christmas, but is "over the worst of it" so has made an appearance on Hogmanay. Doesn't matter that they're sniffing like Tony Montana on his birthday and covered in a fine layer of disco juice, they're not missing a night oot and have no problem infecting everyone at the party. Cheers for that.


'Are you alright Joanne?' One Hogmanay reveller in Glasgow in 1998

Every party has to have one. Sitting in the kitchen, bawling their eyes oot at what is usually absolutely nothing. Also expect to have to go find their keys/purse/phone at some point. Come on, Joanne. You're too good for him anyway. Take a drink.


All night long, this dreamer's chat will be about how this year is going to be different and they are getting their act together for sure. They totally believe it too, even as they are going round getting a collection for Dial-a-Booze at 6am. 2018 is going to be your year!


The party equivalent of the wee boys at the window in Salem's Lot, this pair (they always come in pairs) will make themselves at home in your flat and never, ever leave. They might nip out for another cargo, but they won't take the hint and go home with it. Is there anything worse than waking up at nighttime on January 1 feeling like death to find a pair of absolute mingers still in your kitchen? No. No there is not.

First published December 31, 2017.