Large cow visible at center-left of image.
Screenshot: 7 News Central Queensland


Knickers has been covered widely, in terms of awe and ecstasy.

Knickers’s owner, a cattle farmer named Geoff Pearson, reportedly “bought him as a ‘coach’—an animal that could take charge of the herd and show them the ropes of life on the farm.” This seems a concept worth supporting even when it does not involve a gargantuan cow. It is simply the way of the natural world.

You’re probably thinking about eating Knickers, which is honestly pretty fucked up. The joke’s on you, though: Pearson told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation that Knickers was too big to be put through a meat-processing facility and so will spend the rest of his days peacefully eating and lowing and issuing tremendous and unfathomably powerful farts alongside its much smaller peers. We’ll have more on Knickers the Large Cow as this story develops.