Look out, y'all, Devin Nunes is gettin' his sue on again, and no heifer is safe tonight! Okay, technically it's the Devin Nunes Campaign Committee. And this time they're not suing a cow on Twitter, they're going after a bunch of farmers and activists who petitioned California's secretary of state to stop Congressman Cowpat from calling himself a "US Congressman/Farmer" on the ballot. Which seems rational enough, since Nunes's family sold their Tulare County farm in 2009 and upped sticks for Iowa, where they allegedly rely on undocumented immigrants to keep their cows milked. It's not like Devin himself is out there squeezing the udders every morning. Well, at least not in a professional capacity, if you know what we mean, and we think you do!

In any case, Secretary Alex Padilla let the "farmer" designation stand, Nunes won his race, and you'd think that would be the end of that. But you would be wrong! Because Devin's campaign is now suing these farmers and local activists for a conspiracy to defeat him at the polls, which is ILLEGAL! Henceforth, forthwith, ipso facto, hocus pocus, gezundheit, it is obviously LOCK THEM UP.

Okay, kids, smoke 'em if you got 'em. We're goin' in!

After a longass book report on Who Is PAC? and What Are Dark Money? Devin accused the defendants of coordinating with Democratic PACs to defeat him.

Beginning in 2018, the Defendants and others coordinated, combined, associated, agreed and acted in concert together and with Fight Back California and others for the purpose of interfering with Plaintiff Nunes Campaign Committee's business and defeating candidate Nunes.

Oh, but you are saying, "Isn't it perfectly legal for individuals to coordinate their action with a PAC?" Well Devin -- ahem, the Devin Nunes Campaign Committee -- knows that these activists were in cahoots with his Democratic opponent Andrew Janz's campaign, and he can prove it!

The Petition was a sham. It was entirely instigated and funded by Democratic super PAC Fight Back California, which was acting in coordination with one or more federal election/political campaigns. FightBackCalifornia targeted the Nunes Campaign as part of the coordinated effort to "flip" the 22nd District from "red to blue". (We're taking on Trump's primary enabler @DevinNunes. Join our effort to flip his #CA22 district from red to blue on Nov. 6 by donating today"); compare this to a tweet from a federal political campaign (We are thrilled to be opening our 2nd field office later this month Let's flip #CA22 ")]

OMG, they both used the hashtag CA22! And the word "flip"! How much more obvious can you get? Plus the Janz campaign also called Nunes a "fake farmer," and retweeted articles from the Fresno Bee and Shareblue Media saying that Nunes spends all his time in DC kissing Trump's ass, which is SCIENCE PROOF of a conspiracy.

The coordinated nature of the efforts was evident from the timing of the publications, the specific words used, and the use of Twitter to tweet and retweet the joint messages.

Then he accused them of "Lawfare: Use of the Courts for an Abusive Purpose" and claimed the entire petition was "an abusive publicity stunt designed to damage the Nunes Campaign and Plaintiff Nunes Campaign Committee and benefit opposing campaigns." Which is extremely chef's kiss, and also HELLO, HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK POLITICS WORKS?

So they're suing the farmers and activists individually -- but not the PACs or the Fresno Bee, of course -- for Tortious Interference with the campaign's business relationships and for alienating Devin's affections from his own campaign. Yes, seriously.

As a direct result of the Defendants' tortious interference with Plaintiff Nunes Campaign Committee's valid business expectations and prospective economic advantages, Plaintiff Nunes Campaign Committee suffered damage and incurred loss including, without limitation, loss of income and business, damage to its reputation, prestige and standing, disruption to its relationship with candidate Nunes, special damages, court costs, and other out-of-pocket expense

What "income" was the Nunes campaign counting on exactly? And is Nunes actually claiming that PACs saying mean words about him ruined his relationship with his own campaign? And does anyone else smell burnt toast? And who the hell filed this piece of shit complaint anyway?

Actually, we can answer that last one. There's Nunes's favorite libelslander lawyer Steven Biss, of course. But he's not licensed in California, so he partnered with local counselors Starsky and Hutch, LLP.

Photo via Kapetan Brothers LLP

Oh, we are silly today! (Or possibly hallucinating after reading that thing.) These are the Kapetan Brothers LLP, the finest personal injury lawyers in the valley. Let's let Peter Kapetan, who actually signed his name to this brief, tell us a little bit about himself.


Ummmmm ...

Never mind. This will all work out great, and we wish them the best of luck with their complaint, which is very serious, not at all spurious, entirely lacking in frivolity, and chock full o'merit. Carry on, boys!

Rumor has it, if you lick the screen while you read this, you just might be able to hear color.

[Devin Nunes Campaign Committee v. Seeley]

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