Porch Swing

Story Sent in by Ruth:

Damian called me the day of our date to tell me that he'd be an hour late to dinner because he had to "clean his porch."

I showed up to dinner but he was a no-show. I called him and he said, "Oh, right. We had a date. Want to come over and see my porch? I just cleaned it."

I then drove to the address he gave me. It was a nice house on a residential street. He wasn't anywhere to be seen, but I did check out his porch. It had a bunch of old tools and a lawnmower shoved to one side, like it had been cleaned in a hurry. I called him and rang the doorbell but there was no response at all.

On my way home, he called to say, "Did you like my clean porch?"

I said, "Yeah. Whatever. I thought we were meeting up for a date."

He said, "We are. Now I'm cleaning your porch." He then laughed maniacally and hung up. Thing is, I live in an apartment and don't have a porch, so I don't know what he was talking about.

Later that night when I was almost in bed he called to ask me if I wanted to meet up with him for a beer really quickly at a nearby bar. I threw on some acceptable clothes and went to meet him.

This time he was there and we talked for a while. He asked me a lot about what I do for work and when I asked him what he did, he said, "I clean porches," then laughed hysterically again and walked out. At least he paid for both our beers.


  1. You actually went to meet him at the bar? How was that supposed to go well?

  2. Low self-esteem doesn't even begin to describe you OP. There is a pile of whale shit at the bottom of the Mariana trench with higher self-esteem. You were stood up twice, once on his freaking door step, and still decided to go meet him?!

    As for your date, to his credit, the porch was looking pretty good.

  3. Awww, honey. This hurt me deep inside.

    And you have no idea what that takes. They sent a crew of twenty up there about a decade ago, and since then nary a word nor nudge until last Friday when a bedraggeled crew member crawled out of my ear, shuddered, and expired.

  4. Any person with an ounce of common sense would know that it would be a waste of time!

  5. I would have lost this guy's number when he stood me up to clean a porch much less went to his house to see it. It baffles me how many women will just go to some guy's house when they barely know them. I'm not paranoid, but I do have a healthy dose of common sense. That aside, he stood you up twice in one night and you still met him in the bar. Please get some therapy to work on your self esteem. I'm not trying to be mean because I do feel really bad for you. This reminds me of another story here about the girl who still slept with the guy after he was terrible to her and the bed was covered in garbage.

  6. To be fair, he only stood her up once. He said "Want to come over and see my porch? I just cleaned it." He never mentioned anything about a date or about her actually seeming him at all.

    That being said, I can't say anything about OP that hasn't been said already so I'll just silently agree.

    And speaking of a bed of garbage, I saw this on my way to work this morning. Who WOULDN'T want to go for a ride?

  7. @Tourist, the first time was when she showed up to the dinner he said he'd be late to and he was a no-show.

  8. @FizzyPop - Your statement does not dispute mine. We both agree that she was stood up once. What I said was that there was no second stand-up, since he never actually said he was going to meet her on his porch, unless that bit was trimmed by either Jarrred or OP.

    PS Can I just say how impressed I am with your images, memes, and/or animations? Especially yesterday - Just Wow!

  9. @Tourist --- aww, thankye kindly my friend :) I like spending my internet time collecting goodies specifically to share with my pals here.

    And, yes, you are quite correct re:porch. Acknowledged and affirmed :)

  10. Well I'm glad HE had a good time....

  11. Aw man I swear my neighbor heard me laughing just then !!

  12. It is a matter of wording. He asked if she wanted to "come over and see my clean porch" versus "do you want to GO over and see my clean porch". If someone says come here, it implies they will be there. If they say to go over there it implies that they will not be there. If that makes sense.

  13. I disagree. When I ask a woman if she wants to go back to my place, I most definitely plan to be there while she is there, with or without my twin watching.

  14. Either way he was a douche and she let him be douchie

  15. Just so we're clear, there is a 100% chance that he was inside his house, masturbating, while watching you stand on his "clean" porch.


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