How NOT to Talk to your Friends

The other day I was in a restaurant and happened to overhear a conversation between two women sat at the table next to me. 

One woman, let's call her Sue, was talking about colouring her hair. Both women were in their late 40s, early 50s (I'm guessing). Sue was saying that she'd found grey hairs and wanted a good colour to cover it. She'd looked around and decided that red would be a good colour and thought it would suit her.

Her 'friend', let's call her Karen, disagreed and wasn't afraid to tell her so. 

Karen began by boasting about her own natural colour. She had blonde hair, with roots coming through, but claimed that that was her natural colour. Karen said she wasn't scared to let the grey grow through and was proud of her fantastic natural colouring. All fair enough if true.

However what Karen did next made me cringe.

She began attacking her friend. Not physically but with her words. Karen said she didn't like red, thought it was a terrible colour. Not only that but Karen thought Sue would look terrible if she had red hair. She went on to say that Sue's complexion couldn't handle red hair. Sue's skin was apparently too blotchy and pale to be able to pull off the vibrance of a red hair colour. 

Sue tried to say that she didn't care, she was going to do it anyway, which resulted in more bashing from her so-called friend. 

Eventually Sue went quiet and didn't respond.

Now I'm all for being honest with your friends, telling them if those shoes don't quite go with the outfit or they have tissue stuck to their shoes, but I draw the line at bashing.

There's a way to tell your friend that red hair might not suit her without hurting her feelings. And it's certainly not necessary to point out how awesome your own hair is!

I felt so sorry for Sue, she had a friend who was only a friend for one reason, to build herself up. Whenever Sue said anything Karen tore her down. It was uncomfortable to be sitting next to them. 

I was relieved when I left the restaurant and didn't have to listen to it anymore. 

I may have a small group of friends but I would never talk to them that way. I support my friends, I'm there for them when they need me. If I disagree with their choices I'll tell them, but in a tactful way. They'll know I'm just giving my opinion and for the most part I offer my thoughts on the subject too. 

It's never necessary to attack your friends.

Have you ever witnessed something similar?

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  1. This is just awful - problem is there is no correcting narcissists - because apparently they are never wrong. I would never talk to friend like either. Mel xx #brilliantblogposts

    1. True, I knew someone like many moons ago. Needless to say I didn't keep them in my life.

  2. That sounds awful - I felt really sorry for Sue reading about what her "friend" had said. So unkind and unnecessary.

    1. Indeed it was. No friend should ever speak to you like that. xx

  3. Oh, that's horrible. I've had some...questionable...friends in my past, but even those were never as outright nasty as that poor woman's "friend." Some people, no matter how wonderful they think their "natural" hair is, will always be ugly.


    1. I totally agree Sarah, she was a truly awful woman.