The None Money Challenge!

no more money
Accurate portrayal of the author.

Because none money is what I have. I have an impulse control disorder and it forced me to buy loads of things that I don’t need, so now I need to pay council tax and all that bullshit, and have to actually be mindful of my financial situation. I have never, ever in my life, ever, had any kind of handle on my money. It’s like the weather or something, it happens, it flows. Turns out that my version of budgetary Daoism was flawed: all the money flowed away in a beautiful river down a verdant hillside, never to be seen again.

So now I am poor(er than usual). But I’m also feeling very amused by life right now. Poverty can be fun!*

It’s time for a game.

For 14 days, I will spend no money. Not on food, or fags, or anything. There are rules and exceptions.

  1. I may borrow, barter, or scavenge. Freegan rules apply.
  2. Begging and wheedling are strongly discouraged.
  3. Travel is an exception.
  4. Camping supplies are an exception. I’m camping at Nine Ladies for a few days and, while the beautiful Solstice Crew would probably feed me if I asked, see Rule #2. Also the idea of camping with no cider is inhumane.
  5. One night on the piss each weekend is also included, because this is not a sobriety challenge. That would be a whole other (and worser) ballgame.


For each day of success, I will donate £2 to charity (which one to be decided later. This is an impulsive scheme I came up with last night so I haven’t quite squared away the details.)
I’ll be collecting donations as well, I’ll get a tin to shake and everything.

This ludicrous scheme will run from the 14th – 28th June (inclusive).

I encourage you all to follow my progress as I make increasingly bizarre meals out of random store cupboard ingredients. I have tinned mushy peas and a bag of dried squid… This is going to turn into an interesting cooking show.


*Poverty is actually not fun and is associated with a wide range of life limiting factors including mental and physical ill health, domestic violence victimisation and addiction. Act to end poverty by donating to… Oh God I sound like Bono, please donate me a gun so I can end this now.

Give your cash to any grassroots charity or help scheme, your local homelessness charity or foodbank. There are a lot of people who are genuinely struggling for food even in this supposedly wealthy country, and it’s a crime. I’m lucky to have supportive people and benefits and a community. Some folks don’t have these things, so let’s try and look out for each other. x

The None Money Challenge!