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Nevermind 1-2-Switch, Nintendo needs a new WarioWare game RIGHT NOW

My first thought upon seeing 1-2-Switch was "Why doesn't this game have Wario and the gang in it?" Why am I watching a clear-faced actor eat a sandwich instead of enjoying the cartoon antics of Spitz force-feeding Dribble? Why are these ordinary humans rolling their Joy-Cons around to feel imaginary balls instead of Orbulon, whose extraterrestrial nature would prevent him from understanding the lewd subtext of this situation?

Once 1-2-Switch actually came out a few months later, it became clear that their absence was actually a blessing; 1-2-Switch takes way too long to let you actually play the games (unlike WarioWare) and isn't very fun once it does (definitely not like WarioWare). But even if it was a disappointment, it still proved that Nintendo knows there's room for good ol' fashioned minigame collections on its shiny new system. Now, for the love of Wah, let the next one be the triumphant return of WarioWare.

If you don't already share my eternal love for the series, just watch this playthrough of Mona's stage from the original game. This was basically my entire aesthetic from 8th grade onwards.

The fact that WarioWare has managed to retain its own identity after being used as a glorified hardware showcase so many times speaks to the fundamental fun of its "microgame" premise and lasting appeal of its oddball characters. The original WarioWare pioneered the formula that the rest of the games would follow: a set of rapid-fire minigames presented by a recurring cast of characters, each with instructions that never exceeded a handful of words and an oh-crap-it's-already-half-over time limit. Almost every other WarioWare game was built around Nintendo's latest quirky innovation: a built-in rotation sensor set WarioWare: Twisted players spinning, WarioWare: Smooth Moves made you hold the Wii Remote to your face like an elephant's trunk,  the DSi's front-facing camera turned WarioWare: Snapped into a prototypical Kinect party game, and so on.

With Switch, Nintendo has found a new hardware idea that fans and newcomers alike seem to be delighted by: an adaptable, transforming hybrid of at-home and on-the-go gaming. But there's still no sign of WarioWare. How could this be?! It's such a perfect setup! Each character's mini-game collection could be themed around different ways to use Switch: Wario could do regular TV play, Mona's games could use split Joy-Cons for optimum weirdo motion control, 9-Volt could do good ol' handheld mode for a remixed Game Boy library, Jimmy T. could make suggestive "Right on" and "Aw yeah" sounds as you touch the screen, and Kat and Ana could do Joy-Con-passing local multiplayer, to name a few.

This is just a mockup, sadly

This is just a mockup, sadly

That's just one option, of course - a new WarioWare could even return to the basic "D-pad and one button in every possible permutation" design of the original. That would make it perfectly quick and simple for playing on the go, while I can personally vouch for how easy it is to lose hours sitting at home as you try to top your high scores for each individual microgame collection. Dang, now that I think about it, a straight-up WarioWare 2 could be one of my most-anticipated games of all time - even if it doesn't come with an instruction manual full of stickers.

As the warm glow from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild slowly cools and Nintendo works to fill out the rest of Switch's release calendar, I hope it returns to the hypnotic, hectic fun of WarioWare. It's been far too long since I had to jam an oscillating finger up a nostril in five seconds or less.
