So I’m in a circle of friends discussing pizza toppings, but my mind takes me to a whole different dialogue: “Do I look like terrible? Probably. Why do I eat myself into looking like a chubby penguin? Look at how gorgeous my friends are. Am I a failure? I haven’t even finished that project. I’m useless in the work department as well. I hate myself.”

Meanwhile the real-world discussion has moved on to “thin crust versus thick crust”.

I actually have a really strong opinion on the crust matter. Never mind. I’ll just be here in my mind, full of self-pity-self-talk, while my body stands around looking like it’s absorbed in the pizza conversation that I’m actually interested in.

Seriously Mind, could you just not

Have you ever felt like this – like your mind’s in a completely different world than your body? People always say you should like yourself, “it’s the person you’re stuck with for the rest of your life”.

I can’t – my mind is really a biatch. She puts me down so often.

This probably sounds like I have a split personality, but sometimes my mind does seem like it’s not my mine – I’m not a critical, mean asshole!

So are these thoughts really mine? It’s basically self destruction, which is against basic human instinct of self preservation. I’d be much healthier without some of my thoughts. Stress contributes to multiple health issues – my mind should know better.

Should I simply ignore negative thoughts like I ignore a second helping of french fries for the sake of my health?

Mind over matter?

If we’re honest, we’ve all tried that. Sometimes it works and sometimes the force of harassing thoughts is just too strong.

How do you stop negative thoughts from messing up your day-to-day life? I think we should stop being so narrow minded.

You know those people that wholeheartedly believe untrue things, come hell or high-water? Whatever they believe feels so true to them, that they can’t see the logical truth.

Like racists. Or religious extremists. Or even most people that believe the ideal body type is a God-given ideal, although it’s been changing since the beginning of time. Just compare the evolution of the butt in the last couple of years: Kate Moss’s no-butt was the ideal booty, then on to J-Lo’s some-butt and now it’s the reign of the Kim Kardashians beeeeeeg-butt.

All these stupid ideas are learned, repeated and engraved into the minds of normal people, but they’re far from true. They’re actually not our ideas at all, just lies that get thrown in our faces 24/7 until we believe them too.

It’s just mind games

Take my morning scroll on Facebook as an example. It communicates one clear message to my brain: “Happy, successful people everywhere”. So when I’m feeling down in the dumps, I feel like a complete lonely exception to the rule. Actually everyone just shares their best pics, dressed in their best outfits.

I speak to people who fake their smiles all day, I watch ads with models (first starved and then Photoshoped) and I’m constantly in the company of people who take in the same kind of crap. No wonder I stand in pizza-conversations sifting through my iceberg of stupid, false and learned ideas. My mind compares me to Facebook-feeds of “facts”.

Mind the message

To be honest, I won’t ever have the time to trace the source of every horrible thought I have about myself.

I just want to enjoy silly conversations about pizza bases and koala bears in my free time. I want to laugh with my friends and I want to feel at home in my own my mind. I want to feel like my body and my mind occupy the same space.

How do I  do that? The best way to react to any false statements is to reply with the hard truth:

“No, I look freaking great in this outfit. And if I look like a chubby penguin, who cares?! It’s just stored food. And if someone cares, why should I care? I only have one life, why should I let other peoples’ stupid ideas ruin it?”

The best part of this solution is, you can do all this in your mind.