Re-blog: from I speak in dreams


Soul Crafting ~ Inquire Within





Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons










What more is there to hear?




Who gets to create? You do!!!!





What does your soul want to create?


Cold Reflection




Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw




What's gnawing at you?




Gathering Purpose



How do you feel about making choices?






Nissa Howard- Soul crafter and wild woman extraordinaire!

The space between death and birth














What am I mourning in the after-death?



Nissa Howard- Inner world guide and wild woman extraordinaire!

Death Ceremony













Diggin' deep









Me, and my Shaaadow!









For more on these SouLodge sessions, go to



In The Balance

Three mornings ago I was up by the moon light shining on my face.  I decided to heed her call, made the coffee, poured it into my favorite mug, swaddled myself in a blankie, and meandered onto my back balcony.   I leaned into the railing and drank in the silvery glow of the moon.  Her light caressed the leaves and fruits of my garden, while the darkness still danced on the underside of the plants.  I felt my face illuminated with the strong mystery of the moon, and I felt myself pull into the still of my inner world.  I remained in the silvery darkness, the powerful stillness, and allowed myself to go deeper and deeper.  Uncovering meaning in the moment. After simmering in this magic of the moon, the sun began to stretch his rays into the sky on the other side of the earth.  The moon was still out and radiating her beauty, but the light of day began to step up.  The garden still glowing silver, and with an added ingredient of a new day.  The Eastern horizon kept grabbing my attention from the direction of the moon, so back and forth my open eyes veered.  Back and forth my heart desired the illuminated darkness of the moon and the promised newness of the sun.  Back and forth my soul gathered the radiance and wisdom of both.

By now, the sun had reached an equal billing of power as the moon.  Both energies standing in perfect unity on this planet without one being greater than the other.  This was a brief moment, but a profound moment that brought me to a place of balance I had not yet experienced.   A place of balance within that gave me a fresh pair of eyes to view myself with, a new voice to forgive myself with, and a new door in my soul to open and explore the world within.  This moment has been percolating for days, unfolding more and more of the whole picture that was in this moment of balance. shifted...the moon kissed the sun and the sky good night,  turned her attention away and began a journey downward.  The sun grew in his power and the warmth began to glow.  The leaves and fruits of my garden were caressed in golden morning rays as the shadows lightened underneath.   A sense of rebirth, purity, new beginnings, and growth filled up the sky, the earth, the rest of the morning.  What an incredible gift this time of year is, this autumn, this fall.  It is delicious to the sense and food for the crafting of a soul.

As I have sat in the feelings and ideas and messages of that morning, I am in grand inspiration for the perfection of nature around us as it holds up a mirror to our soul....

How can we be in balance within us, holding the equal power of both the dark and the light?

How can we surrender to accepting and living our truth and not be out of balance with it?

How truly unwounded we are in the center of the light and the dark!

What do we need to let go of, and what do we need to let shine?

What can we do to feed the strength of our inner balance, so we root deeply into who we authentically are?

I invite you to journal your own thoughts or responses to these questions, and I challenge you to welcome the questions your soul asks after you answer these question.  Blessed be!

It's coming...


Can you feel it?  That intimate shift of energy in the air, the earth, the plants?  Can you smell the change? Boy, I sure can and it ignites my excitement and zest for life.  Even in the warmth of the remaining, thriving summer the perfect and reliable fall is showing up in intimately in the elements...intimately in my awareness.  AH, it feels good.  Change feels good. What else needs change?

Where in my life do I feel change coming?

Can I enjoy it as much as  I enjoy the change of the seasons?

What is keeping me from changing and enjoying it?

Surrender to change...

Reflections of a 7th grader


Hi, my name is Nissa and I homeschool my daughter. Lately, I've seen on Facebook and heard in conversations the glorious cry of relief when Mom's are staring back-to-school in the face.  To all of you...I drool with envy, with crazed wonderment of what this could feel like.  On my behalf, please please please, enjoy every morsel of relief and freedom.

That being said, I am so lucky to get to homeschool her and I'm even more lucky that she loves it and works hard at it. My girl started 7th grade this last week.  (sigh) 7th grade!  On the first day of school work, an interesting feeling was boiling up from my gut.   This feeling was expressing itself as anxiety and it wacked me out a bit.  I was cranky and resistant to start. As I got her set up with her first subject and I just watched her read and work I saw how amazing she is and was flooded with love and appreciation for her. UUGGHH...POW....GURGLE...the anxious, wacked-out-ness became clear in the overflow of this love.  My deeply wounded inner 7th grader showed up to the party.  She showed up with side pony tail, neon wrangler pants, braces and starved for attention.

So, I journeyed to this 7th grade version of myself...and she's looking at my daughter (who reflects the same age as herself) with this broken awe, a curious intensity, and an inspired hope.   She is showing me several moments of this age where my broken-ness set in, and seeing in my daughter all her pieces in tact begins this magnetic drawing in of my broken-ness.  It feels like a puzzle coming together.   My inner 7th grader shows me that in her disconnected isolation within me all these years, she's had time to solidify the lessons of not trusting others into my psyche.  And that seeing my 7th grade daughter as she is, gives her no reason to hold on to this lack of trust.  My daughter is trusting, open, honest, and allowing while being in 7th grade.  So why can't my inner 7th grader be like this too? This is where the intense curiosity is at full bore and as quickly as the curiosity inquires, the intensity answers.

Curiosity: "How can it be that a 7th grade girl can feel so authentic?"      Truth: "Healing."

Curiosity: "How can I get to be like her?"   Truth: "Dare to grow up into this moment and be a part of raising her.  Heal yourself by coming home to the now of this life."

So my inner 7th grader released her grip on the wounds that made her freeze in my life's timeline and like flowing silk fabric she rippled into the present and filled my heart and body with an aching satisfaction.  I realized in that moment that I have had a longing for this part of me to grow up and be with me.  With this part back, I sense a closet full of masks and projections that have piled up. And with a fully present inspired hope, I will go from here to explore and transmute those masks.

I am raising my daughter, and by her just being who she is...she is raising me.  True, I seek out these connections and reflections, but why not?  Feeling, seeing, reflecting, healing, knowing, searching, inquiring within...over and over again. It is a perfect dance on any path of life.

Blessed be.


Later this month, my annual workshop: Release & Renew holds the perfect space to release all those masks.  Do you have any you would like to let go of?  Join me in a beautiful day of soul-work and inquiring within.  You can find out more info on my website: or register by emailing me at


Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at


Chaos got me in, Chaos will get me out!


  Me: "What's next?'

Myself: "Uhhh, not sure.  What do I want to do? Where to start?  Can I do it?"

I: "What am I waiting for?  Just take one step forward.  Let the BEing and the DOing become one with each step."

Above is a sampler of the conversations that happen in my inner world.  It seems that I have this conversation often.  It is so easy for me to give 110% of my focus, motivation, and skills to others in my community, yet it is like pulling freakin' teeth to get me to do all that for myself in my own work.

In my last post, I wrote of chaos and all it's goodness.  And it's been a LONG while since I have had a chance to post again. (I have missed writing so much!) Anyway, I took on a volunteer position this year that kinda took over my time and focus.  The break from my regularly scheduled goals and career provided me with the awareness to ask some hard questions: do I really want to be doing ___________?  Who am I really setting my goals for?  Etc.  Now that the event is done, and my work for it waning drastically, I'm being provided the questions: is it balanced to give SO much of my time away if it means putting my goals on hold?  How do I go into the next round of this volunteer work with balanced boundaries of my time?  Aren't I worth putting the same amount of effort into my own success that I put into the success of my community event?

And there it is...the reason an imbalance takes root...feeling unworthy.  When I get to the root of something it is like blasting a huge hole in a brick wall with some C4.  I can see the other side!  And in this case...of course I'm worthy!  So are you, and you, and my dog, and you....

Chaos got me into this imbalance, and chaos is getting me out.  A great thing about chaos is it's nature to disrupt with an unpredictable certainty, it knocks you off center so you can see and ask things you wouldn't have done otherwise.  It's purpose is to not lay out your next step, but instead to give you the experiences of contrast so you can feel what you want your next step to be.  A step of your own creating, your own vision, and your own growl!

Me: "the BEing and DOing becoming one?!? WTF?"

Myself: "what am I BEing?  How do I do this?  What does this look like?"

I: "looks like this is step one..."


Vortex of Chaos


Sometimes we enter a vortex of chaos.  Chaos is frenetic with creative energy.  It comes on quick and catapults you into projects, busy-ness, distractions and time flying.  Should we choose to not control, define, or resist this cycle we can enter the vortex of growth.  And with any growth spurt, there is some discomfort, some uncertainty, some frustration.  With any growth spurt we can't stop it, so why try?  With any growth spurt, we don't know what we will look like or be like after it's done, so why worry? I am currently in such a vortex and am living every day with the intention to choose to see the possibilities that chaos is offering me to create for my life.  I am surrendering into the loss of my connection to time.  I am listening to the old patterns that are dying while at the same time hearing the voice of the new patterns being created.  I am constantly shifting my focus out of stress and into enjoyment  I stand with gratitude for the new as I let die the old.  I am swirling with confusion, excitement, disappointment, unwavering knowing, insecurity, madness and fun.

This cycle and chaos that has enveloped my life right now has me asking my authentic self if the path I'm on is right.  The questions come with a gentle embrace of reflection, without judgement or scrutiny, but just a loving desire to confirm or deny my dreams.  It's so easy to disregard this contemplation when we are in an easy flow.  Chaos really shakes up your vision, moves the ground you walk on.  And it's in the chaos that we are willing to ask and authentically look at what we really want, what our true dream is, and then hunger for it is born.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in a state of chaos, look deeper, look broader, and use the momentum of chaos' energy to put into motion the focus of your dreams.  Every chaotic moment is ours to be in and we choose how we are in it.  How are YOU in your moments?  Do you embrace or resist the energy boost of chaos?  What is your dream as of today?  Who are YOU in your moments?

Be uniquely YOU and I'll be uniquely ME.

And the Thunder rolls...


Right now my coffee is within reach, my kid doing her grammar, my hubby searching for tires, and my dogs snoring; I have a rare quiet moment within a full house.  This vortex of peace has me meditating and reflecting on my last few weeks.  And what a few weeks it has been!  Amidst several projects, homeschool, business, and my new distraction of epic proportions, Pinterest, I hadn't really thought much about me and where I am at within myself.  Therefore, for my soul, this moment is so much like taking your first breath of air after having your head underwater for 2 minutes.  Give me a second....B-R-E-A-T-H-E....ah, yes much better. In the stillness of this moment and the gravity that that breath just gave me, I am reliving a moment from last Saturday when I was gifted the thunder and the lightning.  As I sat conversing with my cousin, I could see out the back of my home and I knew there was lighting in those clouds.  And yet when the first flash made it's way out I felt all the magic inside of myself flash out with it.   Now, ever since I could remember I loved the thunder and lightning.  In Eastern Oregon a nighttime lightning show is unparallelled in awesomeness and electric magnificence.  So naturally, I run outside to meet the thunder beings...always.  I swear I'm not crazy, I'm just a bit wild.

As the lightning got closer, I had to go outside. I had to let my inner magic play with the magic of the Thunder Beings.  I had to do this for my whole BEing as much as I have to eat food for my body.   I had to be in the powerful embrace of the rolling thunder, the jolt of time standing still as the lighting cracks an electric kiss to the ground.  I had to.

Thank you, Thunder Beings for bringing energy and magic to the sky.  Thank you for transforming my innards with your voice.   The internal shift starts with the thunder rolling a rumbling growl of powerful energy through my heart, jump starting a dose of adrenaline and blasting my heart wide open.  The recharge of  my body continues as that surge flows down into my solar plexus and turns it upside down and inside out.  The swoosh of change seals this magic as it grounds downs my legs and into the earth.  Then I breathe in that gift of the thunder, the gift of nature's science igniting magic inside my body.  Instantly.  Presently.  WOW-ly. I become one with the sky and the earth as I am the conduit for the energy shared between the two in this magical display of nature's powerful essence.

With the connection to the Thunder Beings made, I think of how the energy from the lightning penetrates the earth and sky.  It feels like pure unbiased energy waiting to be absorbed and given direction to be created into...something, anything.  How often do we discard newly available energy in which we could be creating?  When was the last time you rejected a compliment, a hug, a gift of love?  That is energy being transferred to you to do something with!  When was the last time you breathed in the energy of the sun, filling yourself up and using that fullness to let go of what isn't making you happy?  When was the last time you braved a meeting with the Thunder, the Lightning and welcomed it's gifts of pure, rolling energy?  Well the time is NOW!  Become aware of natures gifts all around and receive the energy it's wanting to give you.  Become aware of love entering your space and allow yourself to feel worthy of it, and through that worth...create your life, be happy, and move forward!  Become aware of your possibilities.

For me, I will fall into a love affair with the energy that I took in from the Thunder Beings.  I will choose an intention or direction in which this energy will be used.  I will drink up and enjoy each moment that I feel it inside me.  Like right now.
