Was it a one-way trip to hell?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by niskanen91, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Today, is the first day of my reboot. I'm 24 but I've chosen this section because I'm about to turn 25. Hopefully I didn't break any rules :)

    Here's my story (only few points, will come back to it later):
    - using femdom/fetish porn since I was 14
    - zero interest in vanilla sex
    - completely soft penis in vanilla situations (looks like PIED)
    - had amazing girls interested in me but... I knew I won't be able to perform so I lost them.

    The last point became my motivation to quit unrealistic world of femdom porn. IDK if I'll ever be able to have sexual life but there's only one way to find an answer the question if it was one-way trip to hell or there's a way back. Reboot. I didn't act out on my femdom fetish and I don't want to. I'm just going to reboot for a very long time and see what happens. I'm even accepting that it may take up to 5 years. I am a 24 years old man, who's in the state of mental impotency. It's very sad and it leaves me with no choice.

    More to come.

    Best regards,

  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed 2 days ago on 20th March.
  3. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed yesterday again.
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed today again, it isn't easy.
  5. Sakurajima

    Sakurajima Guest

    You can do it! Wish you all the best.
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Thank you man.

    I've relapsed today.
  7. K.Erdedy

    K.Erdedy New Member

    Good morning Fanatic,

    Keep coming back. I know it can be tough at the start. For me at least there were at least 10 failures for every success. But the successes compound, and if you can learn from the failures, then they can help too.

    It is good to see you on the board.

  8. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Yes, the first few days - even the first couple of weeks - of a first attempt can be painful. Mine certainly were. One day at a time is the best way to think about it at this stage.

    I was advised to get myself a counter, and it has actually helped motivate me so I recommend getting one too. :)

    What you may also find is that you flatline quite soon, and that helped me a lot because my libido dropped to zero and, once it had started, there were no urges for at least a week.
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Meanwhile relapsed yesterday again.
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Relapsed again.
  11. wolborg

    wolborg New Member

    Dude, think about it like this.
    >If you ever want to have a family, wife, kids etc, then don't do it. When you get an urge, immediately go to youtube and watch videos of guys boasting about nofap benefits(Superpowers).
    >Start meditating, talk to friends, if you still cant suppress your urge, tell your self that you will fap after 10 mins and after 10 mins tell yourself that you will do it after 10 more mins. During these ten minutes, try to divert your thoughts, imagine a dead smelly rat if you want to.
    >Watch videos of how poor people are suffering in Africa and other 3rd world nations.

    This video might help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp5pvSDj8pQ , basically tells you that the woman in the porn video can be somebody's, wife/mother/sister/daughter. Porn feels sinful after realizing that.

    Take a huge piece of paper and write, MOTHER SISTER DAUGHTER and paste it on top of your computer table of where ever it is that you fap.
    Relife likes this.
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Good advice, wolborg. A shot of reality.
  13. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Great advice, wolborg.

    The only problem with hanging out with friends is that they think I'm gay :< Which doesn't help with getting to know new chicks etc.
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Why do your friends think you're gay? Have you never corrected them?
  15. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    When I go to toilet, one of my flatmates said "I don't like him, he looks like he's fantasizing about boys", the second one called me "faggot" after me going to balcony. It led to an argument. As for the others:

    - Never had a girlfriend due to femdom-related PIED,
    - Kissed lots of girls but nothing sexual happened,
    - When I ended up in bed with one girl, my dick didn't react, I was very anxious and she said "you look too excited", it kinda destroyed my confidence.

    I have a feeling that my friends are convinced I'm gay and they're trying to convince me too, which is horrible.
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    They're not your friends then. Tell them to piss off.

    Where are you from? By your age, most people should have grown out of using gay slurs as insults, but if it's still normal where you are then just throw them back.

    It really doesn't matter what they think - if you're not attracted to guys and not interested in having a boyfriend then you're not gay. I have a friend who thinks she's a genius at spotting men who are in the closet - I'm certain she thinks I am, as she's always making jokes about it, but if she thinks that then her "gaydar" isn't as good as she assumes it is!

    You know the reasons for your ED; forget about what people think of you, it's irrelevant. I know it's hard, but you may need to find new friends. Also, in social gatherings, don't be afraid to talk to other men instead of women. One thing I learnt from reading No More Mr Nice Guy! is that Nice Guys like me tend to just collect female friends and then get nowhere romantically because they don't spend enough time with other men to build their masculinity.
  17. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    You're right Londoner, not talking with one of them, second apologized so I guess it's OK.

    I've started dating this year, however one thing seems to be confusing - my penis NEVER reacted to a woman in real life. In two cases, I got slight sensations after kissing with 2 girls (they were very beautiful). I've also never really craved emotional intimacy with a woman (my sexual needs were filled by porn). 99% of my friends have found girlfriends, I haven't been able to do it so far, despite being objectively attractive. Also whenever girl tried to hug me and I had stomachache, I got really scared (trauma, I guess) and it creeped them off.

    However, I've never watched gay/trans porn, not interested in having a boyfriend etc. I'm not homophobic but I would never want to take part in homosexual sex. On the other hand, I think that I connect emotionally with men easily, while it's awfully hard with women.
  18. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Ok, didn't orgasm since 24th May and didn't also watch porn. What I can't control however is edging a little. I'll need to control it better :p So it's been 1.5 months so far and the results are:

    - I'm anxious/nervous but I'd explain it as "on the hunt" anxiety. I'm trying to teach my body that the only way it can get pleasure of the orgasm is that if it finds a woman.
    - Speaking of which, I slowly start to respond sexually to them. I focus on tits and when I'm in relatively relaxed state, things like touching their hair and their flirting gives me pleasant sensations in penis. The key is being relaxed.
    - I started working out, which I guess increases testosterone level and makes me feel better overall.
    - When I was walking in the city there was a woman (trigger warning), she was doing something, she was in 'doggie' position, half of her butt was visible and my penis got hard I think. It was amazing. Now the question is, how as an inexperienced half-virgin do I get woman from flirting to doggie position? :p I'm not a PUA believer as it didn't work at all for me and for my friends.

    - This is not porn-related but I still fight with HOCD. I analyze everything in terms of "gayness" - is what I just did hetero enough? Does this person think I'm hetero or gay?
    - The thing that can get me hard is femdom (as you probably know) but as soon as I verbalize anything femdom-related girls lose interest. In fact, whenever I verbalize sex, girls don't want to follow it up. Any idea why? As an inexperienced person (with erection problems and femdom fetish lol) should I:

    a) verbalize sex but be confident
    b) admit that I'm inexperienced but willing to try this sex thing
    c) not verbalize anything about sex at all
    d) verbalize sex but only in a place when we can be intimate

    What produces the best results in your opinion?
  19. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Bringing it on absolutely new level:
    - starting tommorow, I won't touch my penis sexually at all.

    This should accelerate my reboot and force me even harder to find "meat" :p
  20. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    "Relapsed". Well kind of.

    In the night, I watched some porn after long break but didn't masturbate. In the night masturbated during the shower, stopped all stimulation when reached the point of no return and it wasn't full-blown orgasm, it was kinda disappointing. But it puts me back to square one.

    So today is day 0, folks.

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