ntang (ntang) wrote,

  • Music:

Now what?

I've been wondering what the hell to do with my life recently.

I feel like everything's getting uprooted and unearthed, even though I know it's not. My personal life is certainly changing fast enough - between the move, my dad moving in, and the divorce, there's not much there to be stable. My job is stable, fortunately, but that's about it.

Around me, the world is falling apart. Half my friends are either unemployed or on the verge of it, at this point, and any that aren't seem to be depressed, or going through relationship troubles, or both. My home is under attack. Every day I wonder what new tragedy is going to be thrown at New York. We're at war, yet another pointless war that does nothing to the people it is aimed at and so terribly much to the innocent bystanders.

Where's the upside? Where's the silver lining on this cloud?

I can't think of any way to describe this malaise except for a deep and thorough melancholy, but that doesn't really describe it all that well. It's not really a depression, although it may turn into that. It's got some roots in sadness but isn't just sadness, either. I just know things aren't right, and I can't think of any better way to put it. Things aren't right with the world, and I want them to be.

I know, I know... I'll stop. I'm ok, really, so don't worry if you are. I just feel the need to talk about it, but then every time I try I just run out of words to use. I sit here struggling and fumbling with the English language and it fails me every time. I've got this... thing... gnawing away at my insides but I can't figure out how to explain it and I just end up sounding like a whiny 14 year old child.

I should go to sleep now. Good night, world. I hope things get better for you.
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