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[–]rampantapplejohn 6278 points6279 points  (110 children)

I am a single late 20s guy and I sometimes wonder if all my parents and friends stopped talking to me if I would really care.

[–]doritohairfire 1939 points1940 points  (36 children)

Same. They did. I don’t care at all.

[–]FerretsAreFun 831 points832 points  (22 children)

Same. They did but I did care. I don’t anymore. They used silence as a punishment and irrevocably changed how I feel about them.

[–]culturecityrockers 568 points569 points  (10 children)

When no one from my huge family showed up to my wedding except my parents, I immediately didn't give a shit anymore.

[–]zulutbs182 194 points195 points  (3 children)

Damn that’s fucking shitty... Sorry that happened to you. Hopefully you and the Mrs/Mr have something better than them anyway.

[–]culturecityrockers 2 points3 points  (2 children)

We have a dog now, so yeah way better. Thank you!

[–]tupidrebirts 1 point2 points  (1 child)

May I see it?

[–]PeopleAreStupid767 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Well happiness to you and your SO. Forget those assholes!

[–]LokisPrincess 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No one in my huge family aside from my mom, brother and wife, and only one friend showed up to my college graduation after giving them a year notice. I don't give a shit about any of them, except for my uncle who paid for my college and had the grace to call me a month before the ceremony that he couldn't make it. Everyone else just didn't say anything. I would've just liked a card...

[–]Rolatza 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can relate so much! When my friends and family got married I always tried to be there for them and if I couldn't go I sent a message or letter beforehand. When it was my turn, nobody showed up, not friends or family (only my parents and my granny). Since then I completely shifted and I don't give a shit about anybody anymore. (My husband is great, so I have him!)

[–]subredditspectator 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is 8 hours late, but, what kind of fucking "family" is that? I honestly feel the need to go back in time and be there for you. Jesus, that's tough. I'm sorry.

[–]culturecityrockers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife’s family was super great though. I just felt like a dick when I told my friends and shit they couldn’t bring a plus one because we were super up against the capacity. My dad invited some of his friends and so did my wife’s parents as soon as those RSVPs started rolling in. It was a great night but, again, I stopped giving a shit about my side of the family at that very moment. We did so much shit to make our wedding inclusive for both of our totally polar opposite sets of families. Just was a real bummer all that work was for nothing. We ordered these awesome vintage post stamps for the invitations that had landmarks from all the states my family are in. Such a stupid cost but my wife really wanted them to feel welcome since none of them had met my wife’s family. We dumbed down the Cuban-ness of the menu and all this other shit as to have everyone feel welcome. All for naught.

[–]SCViper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Basically my reaction with my girl's baby shower. Most of my family didn't show, even though I've been there for everything they held...weddings, baby showers, etc...

Fuck 'em.

[–]clarkkentisnotsupes 64 points65 points  (6 children)

Relatable. I used to barrage my friends with a text. One day, I stopped to see if they'd check up on me. Long story short, they didnt, for months. For a while, I was disappointed. Buuuut later on, I did realize that people have their own shit going on. Not all, but those that did give a shit, were there for me in tough times. Idk where I'm going with this, but I hope my rambling helps. If it doesnt, i apologise.

[–]MarquisOfHell 15 points16 points  (3 children)

no one speaks to me unless i message them first and there's only about 5 people to begin with.

[–]OrderOfMagnitude 10 points11 points  (2 children)

If you get them in the habit of never initiating, they'll expect you to and it's not a diminishment of their interest in you, it's just habit.

[–]PlusTenStrength 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It hurts when they don’t reciprocate. It’s not fair that I always check on my friends but they never check on me. Is that really friendship?

[–]Findleman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately yes sometimes. A lot of people just don't remember or think about a lot of things.

[–]Chocolate-Chai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a huge significant life event, all my friends and family were either there or messaged/called & then came to see me in the coming weeks. Even people who were just acquaintances came to see me.

One of my oldest & closest friend never came to see me, called, messaged or made any contact in any form. She lived a minute down the road from me. After years of always being the one to make the initial effort & keeping her in the loop of our friendship group & social life, I decided there was absolutely no way I was going to be the one to make contact this time & I would see what happened.

3 whole months passed by.

And then one day I got a call from her out of the blue with her acting defensive from the minute she started talking. She had no reason for not visiting/calling me, she knew about it but then just forgot all about me entirely. And instead of making a sincere effort to at least show her she’s sorry, her whole attitude was kind of like a sheepish & lazy “I know you had this significant life event & I forgot all about you, but can you just act like it never happened because I don’t really care & don’t want to deal with any reaction from you”.

I had some major space from her after that & decided to let her be, not chase her or be the one to actively include her in things - which basically meant it was even more months of nothing.

Now after many, many years I can say she did redeem herself as a friend & we’re okay now - though I am always cautious with her not being able to be reliable about things without me checking with her right up till the last minute. And nowadays I think our WhatsApp group probably saves her ass all the time in being kept in the loop without her having to make an effort & also remembering important things about her friends as the other friends will mention it.

[–]Echospite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ferrets are, indeed, very fun. We had a whole business of the little buggers. Ever let half a dozen ferrets loose in the living room? Pure fucking chaos.

[–]Harzul 1 point2 points  (1 child)

then use silence as punishment back onto them. completely cut them out. they are shit lords, and should be treated as such

[–]FerretsAreFun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes and no. They aren’t ‘shitlords’ just incredibly narrow minded. And I have. It took almost two years for my mother to call and ask why I wasn’t calling anymore.

[–]Useless_bumbling_oaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

then use it onto them. fuck em.

[–]vruss 17 points18 points  (1 child)

are you okay? i’ve only felt like this when i was extremely depressed and/or suicidal. do you have other people that you at least don’t hate interacting with? like at work? i hope you find good people who put in 50% of the work for the friendship

[–]doritohairfire 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m really not. I’ve been depressed for years and have very little interactions with other people. I can’t afford medical care and rarely get out of the house. Thanks for asking.

[–]rampantapplejohn 7 points8 points  (1 child)

The thing is they would care and already do care that I have been more distant

[–]doritohairfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can relate. I know at least my parents care that I’m distant but people change. I had to do what was right for me and my own health and sanity.

[–]Spadeninja 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t want this to come across the wrong way — but it probably has something to do with this attitude that people stopped reaching out to you

[–]TrueItUp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Likewise mate

[–]heyheroine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck! Same.

[–]ArkAbgel059 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Same here don't care

[–]NuttyWolverine 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Question for you. I’m in the same boat as you btw. Do you feel any guilt/remorse for not caring? I’m really young but I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where that’s in my past and something that can never change. Genuinely curious as to how others feel

[–]ArkAbgel059 0 points1 point  (1 child)

For me they don't try to talk to me and when it is it's always they want something

[–]NuttyWolverine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it. Thanks for the reply homie

[–]tuppennyupright 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I used to feel like this, and in my case I was dreading the feeling. My family and friends had been there for me, and I thanked them with indifference. When a friend of mine had her first child, I decided to change something (because she means a lot to me, and I was afraid we‘d get out of touch as she‘d be busy parenting). I offered to babysit her little one. I called up friends, I hadn’t talked to in a while. I started to call and visit family members that weren’t just my parents and grandparents. And what I found was how much I care for them and how much they care for me. I don’t know how large your family or circle of friends are, but ask yourself if they could be larger if you put some effort in. It’s a difficult start picking up that phone, but I found something I had been really missing without knowing it. All the best to you!

[–]rampantapplejohn 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yeah it definitely is on me to do it and I feel like I should. One issue is I moved halfway across the country and use to always visit people in person.

[–]tuppennyupright 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you have vacation days left and money for a train ticket home, just visit them all at the same time. You‘ll feel better, and I‘m sure they will appreciate that you care about them in the way to take that trip. It could turn out a real happiness booster in a matter of days. Good luck!

[–]cathef 20 points21 points  (1 child)

i'm 55 and have felt the same way for a long time. I dont even feel guilty about it. Was tested if it were true when I lost first my grandfather, then my grandmother. I was very sad and genuinally cried during funeral/burial - but then bounced right back. Not sure if this is just being realistic about life cycle or if I have a hardened heart.

[–]Travy93 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd say that's just being realistic. Mostly everybody bounces back. My grandmother died years ago and I genuinely cried during the funeral too, but not anymore after that. Of course I still think about her once in a while and miss her. That's it though.

[–]YN0tZ0idberg 22 points23 points  (6 children)

same except not single. i feel like as long as i have my dogs i could be just fine.

[–]clarkkentisnotsupes 6 points7 points  (5 children)

I need to get a dog

[–]YN0tZ0idberg 5 points6 points  (3 children)

go to a shelter and adopt one, that how i got my first one.

[–]clarkkentisnotsupes 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I would, but I cant afford to take one in. If I ever get a pup, I'd make sure it's taken care of

[–]YN0tZ0idberg 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Something to work towards. Dogs are a blessing. We dont deserve them.

[–]Thunderoad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely get a dog. Helped me a lot. Unconditional love for both of you. Unfortunately mine died after 12 years. But looking to rescue another dog. My 1st dog got me through some tough years. You won’t regret it.

[–]starbuckroad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just try it for a little while. When I left home at 18 it was the happiest time of my life. Before cell phones and there was no more bullshit unless I wanted to go looking for it.

[–]theforgottenwarrior 5 points6 points  (4 children)

In my experience, I used to doubt that I'd care before I realized that I would. Not even because of feelings or emotions.

But because it's nice to talk about your day, to go over to someone else's place, to have a chat, to have someone to know what you're going through.

Last year I had roommates I never talked to. It sucks when the only people you actually talk to face to face are cashiers and bus drivers

[–]rampantapplejohn 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I can definitely relate to that. For years the only people I talked to were cashier's at grocery stores, gas stations, and liquor stores

[–]theforgottenwarrior 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm glad that I'm in college and was pretty much forced to talk to a lot of people. Was pretty sad for family day though, since the buses weren't running and I was at my dorm. I talked to absolutely no one

[–]rampantapplejohn 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah when I was in college it was basically the same unless I had to do a group project, presentation, or someone randomly talked to me.

[–]theforgottenwarrior 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've gotten very social recently, so I started talking to people on day 1 and made some friends. Don't know how I would've done it if I still had a lot of social anxiety.

[–]Jay__Son00 7 points8 points  (1 child)

this is one of the most relatable comment I have ever read in my life

[–]rampantapplejohn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been on Reddit almost a decade (I usually delete my account every year or 6 months for some reason) and this is my most upvoted comment.

[–]Scary_Omelette 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I choose to rarely talk to my family and it doesn’t bother me one bit

[–]forever_gaijin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm like this with my parents and sister, due to a very rocky past. I have to force myself to call my mom once a week. My sister I haven't talked to in years. I honestly don't feel anything for them anymore. On the other hand I'd do anything to help my aunt, uncle and my friends. Feelings are weird, and sometimes one really needs to cut out the bad influences in one's life.

[–]bluzkluz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

how many parents do you have?

[–]rampantapplejohn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I just assumed like a handful of people would upvote or even really care about my comment. I would have thought more about the wording otherwise.

[–]Nefariousrabbit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Your post makes me sad. Are you depressed or surrounded by the wrong people?

[–]rampantapplejohn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well technically I have "clinical depression" but now that I take medication and go to therapy it isn't as overwhelming as it was for the rest of my 20s. I am not as much surrounded by the wrong people as much as not around anyone outside of work.

[–]Nefariousrabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm like that too. Not sure how to meet people. Work and go home.

[–]Rithika04 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 19 and I agree

[–]Altruist23 4 points5 points  (5 children)

It is ok to be single

[–]Thunderoad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree. I was married for 30 years . He left me for someone else. It’s been 5 years. I tried dating. I have never been on my own before. Right now I am good with being single.

[–]rampantapplejohn 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah I guess I am just afraid the decade of social isolation has permanently affected my ability to have any sort of relationships and I am getting further and further from other people psychologically.

[–]Altruist23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and which is fine we are just growing and learning more about ourselves more now

[–]granular101 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What does "ok" even mean in this context though?

Being single is definitely ok in the sense that its socially acceptable. But for some people, being single is a very lonely, loveless existence.

[–]Altruist23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those people will find someone

[–]Te_Quiero_Puta 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Sounds like you might need some better friends, bud. And I don't know your background, but just because you're related to someone doesn't mean they have to be in your life.

[–]rampantapplejohn 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Well to be honest I moved across the country and basically don't talk to my old friends anymore. My parents turned weirdly right wing and have been unpleasant to be around for years but I genuinely feel bad just cutting them out or something.

[–]Te_Quiero_Puta 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Most of my extended family revealed themselves as right wing, biggots the second I came out to them in high school (a very long time ago). I completely cut contact with them and anyone who took an indifferent stance to the crap they were spewing about me and my "choices". It was a hard time for me because up until that point we had all been pretty close. But fast forward to present day and this is literally the first time I've thought about them in many years. No reason to hold on to that toxicity. Well, sorry for the ME rant. I'm sure you'll figure out your relationship in time. From my experience, those who want to be a part of your life will make it known. If it's genuine, and if you care, you'll feel it in your gut.

[–]rampantapplejohn 4 points5 points  (3 children)

It is weird because my parents are essentially atheists and I think are genuinely good people that care about me but they live in a small conservative town and the bullshit has infected them like a disease. Honestly I think they are much more liberal than they would admit

[–]Te_Quiero_Puta 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Have you ever talked to them about it? It sounds like you do care about them.

Seems like people in small towns tend not to cause waves for the sake of survival sometimes. And living in a bubble can definitely change your outlook. Obviously I don't know what they've done or said to shape your perspective, but is it possible that they just don't see or understand how it has affected you? Example: back to my coming out experience - when I told my parents, they took it alright but struggled to understand how their words and actions had pushed me away over the years. The way they were raised, etc. It wasn't until we sat down individually and had our heart-to-hearts that they began to understand and really listen to what I was saying. Over the years they have evolved into the people I knew they were, deep down. It just took a change of perspective to open their eyes. But as I said, the rest of the family fucked right off and now I'm better for it.

No matter which way it goes, you get to decide who you want in your life.

[–]rampantapplejohn 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah I haven't really talked to them about it. I know I should and have been thinking about how I could go about it recently. I am kind of hoping for them to say something like "why don't you call as much as you used to".

I moved away from that tiny town when I was 19 and started to see the negative things having a "small town mentality" can have. I know people that are genuinely good, empathetic people say things they wouldn't if they ever had contact with say muslims or liberals. I really want to start challenging people I think have a sort of distorted mindset, maybe I just don't have the self confidence or social skills to do so.

[–]Te_Quiero_Puta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're already thinking about talking to them, then you should. Even something as simple as what you said to get the ball rolling. I bet it would mean a lot to them.

Moving away is a huge step in figuring out who you really are. Social skills just take practice (even just chatting with a barista or cashier will help) and building your knowledge on the topics your passionate about will boost your confidence in those challenging conversations. And good for you for not letting that place hold you back. Really. You sound like a kind, good person. The world needs more of that.

Go on and challenge the fuck out of people! Too many skate by on twisted ideologies while everyone just stares at their own feet.

[–]altonssouschef 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I’m married in my mid-30s and still wonder whether my presence is an inconvenience. I doubt I’d be missed at parties or work and my kids are too young to form solid memories. I don’t think I’d be missed by many people if I suddenly wasn’t around anymore.

[–]foldedWings 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your absence would absolutely leave a huge, never healed crater in the lives of those around you, especially your kids and spouse. They would miss you in so many ways and places, from big things like mother’s/Father’s Day to seemingly little things like your presence at dinner or the way you drink coffee in the morning.

If you are thinking about suicide, please reach out for help <3

[–]prometheus199 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine having friends to have stop talking to you

[–]diegoenriquesc 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Can you rephrase this sentence? I can't put it together. I'm not stupid I promise.

[–]rampantapplejohn 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Basically I don't know if it would bother me if everyone I knew just stopped talking to me

[–]diegoenriquesc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly man, same. There is no upside to small talk.

[–]purplelie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I left my hometown a year ago and lost touch with pretty much everyone, including family. sadly, doesn't phase me.

[–]karty44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it helps.

[–]NYCfabwoman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg. After the initial 3 year weirdness, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[–]KittyPats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

20s are rough. But, they do. Are and I hope you would, too.

[–]DMAktochi098 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They did, honestly I could care less. I have my kids and my wife. Don't need them.

[–]bird_nips 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd miss my sister. My parents are fine in small doses, but I could definitely go years without seeing them. And I only have one friend and he's a pain in the ass. Despite my efforts to avoid him, he keeps coming around. It's difficult because he's befriended my dad and I live with my dad right now.

[–]jcat47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cut out my entire extended family and don't care, they were extremely toxic.

[–]weirdatwork2017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I once "got away" for a few days. No one cared about it when I came back.

[–]iceyone444 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went 10 years without talking to mine and lost a lot of friends at 20 due to being gay - I worked on myself, got a degree and life was awesome as I didn't have drama.

In the end you live your life and enjoy life more as the b.s is gone.

I realised when I wasn't invited to weddings/family events that they didn't see me as family....

The event which they tried to get back in contact with me for was my graduation for a degree - I turned them down and made it known I got my degree without anyone's help!

[–]kurinofkotay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My worry is that they are all starting to fade away from me, not out of any dislike or change on my end but because their lives have gotten better and I'm no longer a priority. Or worse, that I'm just not as fun or interesting as their new options

[–]retardedshitfucker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean with 'if I would really care'?

[–]gradeahonky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

35 here. The people I care about and miss if I don’t hear from them in a while are not the ones I’m “supposed” to care about and miss.

[–]merkin-slayer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is interesting. At times, I dont want them to contact me or get frustrated when they do because it is never a "hey how are you?". It is more like a "I need a favor".

[–]apples2mangoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate

[–]Hykalia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i can relate to this well

[–]Harzul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have pondered this for a time. I really don't care. I've given it a try and a thought but....there's just so much bullshit and drama with them I just don't care ok? Leave me alone....I'm fine. There's nothing "sad" about it either. Just because you can't stand being by yourself doesn't mean I can't.

[–]jawnstein82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things get really awesome after 31. You got this.

[–]KingOfSpeedSR71 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't expect to be called out, damn

[–]NickeKass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im in my 30s. My mom only talks to me because I live with her. My brothers a controlling asshole who doesn't live at home but still tells me and my mom how her house should be run. I know when I move out and get my own house he will try and do the same thing or no one will talk to me at all.

[–]HysteriaVybe -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I decided to not talk to anyone for a day so I can see who is actually my friend and no one talked to me

[–]nerdspectrum -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Guess we won't hear you outside screaming, "LOVE ME DADDY!"

[–]rampantapplejohn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am going to do that right now just to rub it in your face