Smurfette Smurffed A Girl…

It is pretty hard to avoid the billboards, bus signs, mini-posters, and other promotional campaigns going on for the upcoming Smurfs film, but will it be worth our time? I love Neil Patrick Harris, as well as the rest of the human cast, but something about a ‘(insert anthropomorphic thing) takes New York’ storyline feels a bit overused. Furthermore, why in the hell would anyone cast Katy Perry to play Smurfette? If she was human, I could understand, but she’s a cartoon and no amount of name placement on a poster is going to make a difference in ticket sales.

So why cast the “California Girls” songstress? The answer is actually quite simple: To make a single joke hit harder and (probably more likely) lessen the possibility of having to pay clearance costs.

At a point in the upcoming film, which we won’t divulge for the sake of the story, the only female Smurf confesses “I smurfed a girl….And I liked it.”

Not only is this joke not funny and two years late, it also makes us wonder: Where the hell are the other female Smurfs? As far as we know and have ever seen or heard in the history of The Smurfs, Smurfette is the one and only lady in the land. So how can she kiss another? Did she kiss this girl, like it, but in the process cheat on her then smurf boyfriend who quickly smurfed the other female Smurf? I NEED ANSWERS!

The Smurfs or should we say the “hip and relevant re-imagining of The Smurfs” opens July 29.

Skip it.

James Shotwell


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