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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Baby, You Were Meant To Be

For the past three years I have always tried to figure out God's plan. It's foolish. I know.

I would think to myself though, and try to figure out why we have infertility. Why us? What in the world could happen to us that it would all be worth it? How could something amazing come from something we had lived with and cried over for so long? Obviously, I always knew the answer was a baby. A baby would make all of the tests and medications worth it. Infertility would be worth it to have a baby of our own. I always pictured a biological child ending our infertility, and we would have a joyous pregnancy in which I would be sick, but would be grateful for it because I would know the cost it came at.

It is as if God said, Haha my child, you think you have me all figured out. Guess again.

At the doctor the other day, our birth mom and I waited in the lobby for an hour so she could have her sugar test done. (All results of all labs came back perfect.) She was filling out paperwork and talking to me at the same time.

She told me that she shakes her head from time to time at how everything has worked out.

She was supposed to have a tubectomy. She had one scheduled. While we were talking with the nurse, birth mom asked about getting one done. The nurse came back and said that one had been scheduled last year, but birth mom didn't show up for it. Birth mom says she didn't recall getting an appointment time. Two weeks after that procedure was to have happened, SuperBaby was conceived.

After SuperBaby was conceived, and birth mom knew she was pregnant, she considered abortion. It makes me nearly cry to even think about it. She told us that she was reading the pamphlet, and felt like God was asking her what in the world she was thinking. She knew then that she couldn't do it. She knew that there was a reason why she had gotten pregnant again, and she would do what she had to, but she couldn't get an abortion.

At the time she decided she couldn't have an abortion, we decided we couldn't go on with the more expensive fertility treatments. It wasn't so much a decision that we made, but one that was just not realistic for us. As I mourned the loss of the normal life I had envisioned, we considered adoption for the first time. We put our hearts on the line for a baby that wasn't meant to be ours. At the same time, our birth mom was looking for a family to adopt SuperBaby.

When we were sitting in the waiting room, comparing our journeys side by side, it is amazing how everything lines up. Every path she took, and every path we took, led us straight to each other. There is no other explanation for it, than this is God's plan. Two times, SuperBaby has made it past hurdles that should have ended the path to us. This child really is a SuperBaby.

I can only think that God is having a good chuckle at me for trying to predict his will. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined that he would put us here. I never knew I could feel the way I do. I never thought I could love someone I had never even met. I never thought that life could be completely changed, and everything would work out. I was beginning to think that infertility was who I was. It was becoming my identity. Now, that is changing. My new identity is mom. I'm going to be a mom.

It still blows my mind.


  1. Faith in God includes faith in His timing. I try so hard to live by that. I am so very, very happy for you, Angi.

    1. Thank you so much. Patience and acknowledging that we don't have the control are the hardest things ever.

  2. This brought tears to my eyes! I love seeing how God works. You know, He works in a lot of ways we can't see, but when we are able to look back and see His fingerprints it is so encouraging. Embrace this new identity known as Mother! It is earned in many, many ways.

    1. Thank you so much LeAnna! It is so amazing how He works. We have so much to be grateful for.



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