Sunday, February 15, 2009

You find songs in the strangest places-Sugarland

Mrs Duck and I went out to dinner at our favorite steak place Friday night. And while we are finishing up our excellent Longhorn dinner, this song blared over the speakers. I had never heard it before, though Jennifer Nettles has such a distinct voice, you knew it was Sugarland. And it was beautiful.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Yes, its the Freaking Super Bowl

And I asked my buddy Hyperion to help me out here, so its a joint post. If you hate it, I am only half to blame

My friend Hyperion and I only agree on three things, but one of them is that SPORTS = AWESOME.

With the Super Bowl on Friday, we decided to do a joint venture, and rank the NFL teams by their Cognomen. (Their team names, for those of you in the Dover area.)

We ranked the teams by Conference, and worked separately from each other. We didn't know the other's picks, and it's interesting to see how similar we think and times, and how different, too!

My Picks are highlighted for my beloved NFC (with Hyperion's in parenthesis), and then we reverse it for the AFC.

Enjoy the lists, and Enjoy the Super Bowl!

NFL COGNOMEN - The Definitive Ranking(s)


16. New Orleans Saints-Ok, look at the pope, is he intimidating? I thought not
(Hyperion -
#16 - Redskins (Washington) - The Worst Cognomen in professional sports. Imagine a racial equivalent.)

15. Green Bay Packers-While I love the Packers, when I think Packers, I think GED graduate sending me my office supplies
(Hyperion -
#15 Seahawks (Seattle) - What the hell is a Seahawk? They don't have the guts to just call them gulls.)

14. San Francisco 49ers-In it for the money
(Hyperion -
#14 Cardinals (Arizona) - Hey, I've been a big supporter of Arizona throughout the playoffs, but cardinals are boring birds. Now if it were the super-priests, then we might have something.)

13. Arizona Cardinals-Cardinals are a winter bird, tiny, and for gaia's sake red. Unless it gets your eyes, you are not fearing
(Hyperion -
#13 Packers (Green Bay) - I salute the hard-working meat packers of Wisconsin. I also salute plumbers and garbage-men. I don't want teams named after 'em.)

12. Dallas Cowboys-Of the men that are in the Mascot world, a wrangler can only beat a guy shipping boxes
(Hyperion -
#12 Saints (New Orleans) - You could never take a saint to the Maxim Super Bowl party.)

11. Washington Redskins-The name is offensive to some, and while there is honor in it, a Redskin is not a Chief, hence the number.
(Hyperion -
#11 Rams (St. Louis) - I can think of at least 25 different horned animals I like better.)


10. Seattle Seahawks-The claws are killer, but its smaller then an eagle, and its Seattle, the damn bird is probably soaked
(Hyperion -
#10 49rs (San Francisco) - It's kind of cool how they were known for the Gold Rush, but do you think those guys ever bathed?)

9. Atlanta Falcons-Could a Falcon take a ram, perhaps, but its just a big chicken
(Hyperion -
#9 Falcons (Atlanta) - This is a pretty sweet bird to represent you. They go 140 mph and have talons, baby!)

8. St Louis Rams-The horns would hurt, but its slow and its a relative of a goat
(Hyperion -
#8 Eagles (Philadelphia) - About the only bird better than a falcon, and that's only because Eagles can carry off goats!)

7. Philadelphia Eagles-The symbol of the USA, giant birds. But they are birds
(Hyperion -
#7 Cowboys (Dallas) - America's last civilized savage.)

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-The problem with them is that a Buccaneer is a pirate, and Johnny Depp was a pirate
(Hyperion -
#6 Giants (New York) - They're big! What's not to love?)

5. Minnesota Vikings-Helped by the fact they carry an Axe
(Hyperion -
#5 Vikings (Minnesota) - They marauded, they pillaged, they made Columbus look like a pansy.)

4. NY Giants-Huge, but a human, the speed of a bear or a lion could take them out
(Hyperion -
#4 Panthers (Carolina) - Is there anything sexier than a panther? At least in the killer-cat variety? I say no.)

3. Carolina Panthers-Quick, and muscular. But smaller then the rest that are left. I have an affinity for cats
(Hyperion -
#3 Buccaneers (Tampa Bay) - Let us not forget they were pirates, and cold-hearted scoundrels at that. By the way, do you know how much it costs for pirates to get their lobes pierced? A buck an ear!)

2. Detroit Lions-The King of the Jungle, huge, and I would love to see a battle 1 and 2, but you have to give it to #1
(Hyperion -
#2 Bears (Chicago) - If there was an animal Royal Rumble, this is who North America would send.)

and the number one NFC Cognomen is.....

1. Chicago Bears-A bear, a giant animal that could rip your neck out. ITS A BEAR!
(Hyperion -
#1 Lions (Detroit) - They team has been terrible forever, and may always be terrible. But Lions are the King of the Jungle, baby! Hear them Roar!)


#16 Browns (Cleveland) - The Browns are named after the owner of Cincinnati's team! And if you're going to be named after a color, why not something cool, like the Blacks or the Silvers or the Purples! I would totally follow the Purples.
(Sparky Duck -
16. Cleveland Browns-Paul Brown, old, dead, but not a Mascot.)


#15 Patriots (New England) - Anyone who feels the need to tell you he's patriotic is either obnoxious or hiding something.
(Sparky Duck -
15. Houston Texans-I am sorry, I can not rank a human being higher then a bird, just because I see a Texan as a really fat guy.)

#14 Texans (Houston) - "Ooh, look at me! My team name is my state!" Get over yourself, Texas.
(Sparky Duck -
14. Baltimore Ravens-While I like Edgar Allen Poe, and the movie the birds scares the crap out of me, a bird that you can avoid by going inside is not scary.)

#13 Chargers (San Diego) - What are they? Lightning? Light-Brigaders? Shopaholics? Major points off for being too clever.
(Sparky Duck -
13. Pittsburgh Steelers-I maybe biased, but a guy in a union? Scary team, not a scary mascot.)

#12 Steelers (Pittsburgh) - Mad props to the good folks who bring us Steel. But I don't want you for a team name. That's just weird.
(Sparky Duck -
12. Indianapolis Colts-Though the same name as my high school, its a baby horse known for running, are you intimidated?)

#11 Dolphins (Miami) - Dolphins are supposedly pretty smart (though: why can't they avoid the tuna nets?), but do you really want to be representative by a
(Sparky Duck -
11. Miami Dolphins-Ok they scare sharks, just not anyone else)

#10 Colts (Indianapolis) - Yeah, it's a horse, but it's just a baby! (Now, if it were a Colt Revolver....)
(Sparky Duck -
10. Denver Broncos-Look at my description of the Colts and then just make it older and if its Denver, probably colder.)

#9 Bills (Buffalo) - Buffalo Bill was surely a great man, but the joke of naming the team "in Buffalo" after him had to get old in like a week. I think the Buffalo Buffaloes would have been much better, and this gives me and excuse to tell you about the coolest grammatically correct sentence imaginable: "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."
(Sparky Duck -
9. Buffalo Bills-Ok its big and scary, but also slow as hell!)

#8 Ravens (Baltimore) - Ravens are smart, but mostly I like 'em because they get to hang out on the bust of Pallus ad torment poets.
(Sparky Duck -
8. Oakland Raiders-I maybe biased by the fans, but it looks like a pirate, a pirate does have some heft)

#7 Broncos (Denver) - See, if you're going to have a horse represent you, this is the one to pick. Who can ride the untamed Bronco? No one, except A.C. Cowlings!
(Sparky Duck -
7. San Diego Chargers-This one was hard, its a natural phenomenon, but if it hits you, you are dead)

#6 Raiders (Oakland) - While not as specifically evil as a pirate or a Viking, they are still stealing stuff (by definition), and that's always good in my book.
(Sparky Duck -
6. Kansas City Chiefs-The real native Americans of the US, look what a Chief did to Custer.)

#5 Jaguars (Jacksonville) - Basically panthers that aren't black. Still menacing, and they make better purses! (Sparky Duck - 5. Tennessee Titans-Another tough call, since a regular Titan would not stand up to a giant wild cat, but some Titans were giants and defeated Greek Gods. Hence a Top 10 mention.)

#4 Chiefs (Kansas City) - Not sure I buy the Native Americans as Team Name thing. Some of them I hate. That said, if you were going to have one, Chiefs is the way to go. They're Indians = cool, and they're in charge! (Sparky Duck - 4. NY Jets-Look at a Jet, it is either filled with man made destruction, or huge as hell, not scary but have a 767 land on you.)

#3 Jets (New York) - You gotta look at football like a war. Be honest. You want some stealth bombers on your side or not?
(Sparky Duck -
3. New England Patriots-Saved the USA, If not we would be watching Chelsea vs Salt Lake FC Sunday)

#2 Bengals (Cincinnati) - Okay, they may not be as cool as Siberians, but Bengals are still tigers, people! Let us NEVER forget that.
(Sparky Duck -
2. Cincinnati Bengals-There team sucked, but go to a zoo, look at a striped cat and see if you want to mess with it.)

and, the number one AFC Cognomen is.......

#1 Titans (Tennessee) - The Titans came before the gods. They were bigger than the gods. Oh, and lest we not forget.....this guy was a Titan.
(Sparky Duck -
1. Jacksonville Jaguars-Take the description of #2 and make them really really fast.)

Bonus Picks - SUPER BOWL

Sparky Duck - The fact that Wisenhunt knows everything about the Steelers, up to what gum Roethlisberger chews will make a difference. The Cardinals will steal a win, 35 to 24. Fitzgerald will catch 2 touchdowns, someone will block a punt and Roderick Hood will intercept the pass that seals the game.

Hyperion - I picked Arizona (plus the points) in all three playoff games, and took much heat for it. When the spread opened at +7 I liked the Cardinals to cover, but now I like them to win. Have I been influenced by their crazy run and my tender feelings toward them? Yes. This is why fans should never bet, but what the heck. Arizona to somehow win. Just a gut call, but I'm picking Bud Light to have the best commercial.

Have a Great Weekend!

Sparky Duck/Hyperion = Harky Duperion!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ask Men 10 thru 6

Ask Men gave out the hot top 10, and I shall give me opinion of 10 thru 6, since I am a man and they did not ask me.

10. Kate Beckingsale

Looks so much better in Underworld leather.

9.Kirsten Bell

I have no idea who she is


She can sing and she is hot. Just listen to Umbrella

7.Alleseta Ambrosio

A coworker says she is a Victoria Secret model. The same coworker says She is jealous of her

6.Scarlett Johanson

There is Scarlett and then there is everyone else

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Facebook Mafia

As some of you probably already know, good ole Sparky has joined up with the new revolution and gotten himself a page on facebook. I think it is actually alot of fun because I have already caught up with college friends that 14 years ago were my life (Gaia I said 14) and have since lost track with.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I have used my real name, so this blog and facebook will have to stay forever separated, since I bitch about work here. So, if you want to join the mafia, submit a comment with your email address and find the real me.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Classic Move of the day

Today, we had a person come into grab 50 of his widgets. Eventually we gave it to him because everything checked out. At the end, he asked if there was a public bathroom, and for us, the answer is no.

So Mr Man, took his son outside and took a good old leaking on the fence outside my office. He even looked back to see if we were watching. I love my job.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Acme holds me hostage

I had an early day from work today. Mostly because I am going to have to work Saturday and with our new system, we can no longer fiddle with the time sheets.

So, I took advantage of the day by going to the doctors, getting a prescription and then shuffling off to the closest supermarket, Acme. Big Mistake!

Things went well early on, until I got to the Deli section. It was a mob scene on a Thursday, which is not normal. So, I had a choice, grab some ham and cheese from the Oscar Mayer counter, or wait in line. I went with the Oscar Mayer, as opposed to losing 20 minutes of my life. Overpriced does not equal Xbox time.

Dammit Acme, you are already more expensive, please do not allow your staffing to become a Genaurdi's!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Politics with Flickr #3 Inauguration Day

I stayed home yesterday to watch this. I stayed up until 2 am to watch this. I am still on cloud nine today from this.