The Arc: Vegetarian Nachos vs Chicken Fajita Nachos

Place: The Arc, Torrens St, Angel 

One place. Two nachos. One vegetarian, one not vegetarian. You know when there’s a child and his brother is more talented and loved than him? Yeah, that. With more emotion involved, obviously.

Nachos Mexicana (£6.95): Fajita spiced chicken, pepper and red onion, mature Cheddar, guacemole, soured cream, salsa. Picture doesn’t do them justice as phone was attached to wall via phone charger so couldn’t reach.

Nachos (£5.95): cheddar, guacemole, soured cream, salsa. NB: contains significantly less cheese and not nearly as much sauce as the above. Also, you won’t get as big a portion. Photo does them too much justice as had unplugged phone by this point. 

The Nachos Mexicana had much more cheese, grated and warmed, leaving it almost erotically stringy. They had to be eaten with a fork which, though controversial, proves the existence of some fantastic sauce coverage.

The Nachos (v) had cheese glued to the triangles like a child clinging to a disinterested parent (children overcompensate when a parent doesn’t give them as much love as their elder siblings) and were a minefield of bald chos. Holding each other like children sobbing in daycare, bonded by overly sweet salsa and cheese adhesive, the chef didn’t care- letting them sit there on the plate, embarrassed by their own failure. Doing nothing. God it makes me mad.

But what of the chips? They, on both plates, tasted suspiciously similar to the Tesco Value tortillas, leaving a salty, tearful aftertaste. At least the Nachos Mexicana had some quality pepper and onion action to make up for this, though.

Why not try taking the child out to the cinema to show him how much you care? You can even get vouchers if you’re a bit hard up. Or do an Orange Wednesday? That’d be nice wouldn’t it? Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked.

So, The Arc, you may do wonderful pizzas (including buy-one- get- one-free-deal at lunchtimes) but take more care with your vegetarian chos. We’re malnourished, anaemic, and notice such things. If anything, take more care, because we’re often left to deal with subpar food and can’t have steaks which is really irritating sometimes.

It’s unacceptable that, as a vegetarian, I must order a chicken nachos without the chicken in order to get a satisfactory plate o’cho. That’s like ordering order a burger minus the burger plus macaroni cheese in order to get quality pasta.

Also, if you’re a parent, make sure you lavish enough attention on both your children. It’s important.

Ultimate London Nacho: Obviously not the vegetarian nachos. I’ve had better in Wetherspoons. However, the Nachos Mexicana were pretty cool- but the quality of the chips let them down. 3.