tagIncest/TabooLight in the Darkness

Light in the Darkness


It crept up on them slowly and at first it had been a bit of a joke between them: Aiden's little slips; his inability to find the word he wanted and that Julia would supply; his failure to recall the name of a client.

Aiden was building up his reputation as an architect and was working long hours, and so they put it down to anxiety or stress.

"You need a break," Julia had said, "get away from it all for a couple of weeks," and so they took a couple of weeks off from work, going to a seaside resort, but nothing changed. They would make an arrangement in the morning to do something in the afternoon, but when the afternoon arrived Aiden would have forgotten the arrangement.

A week after they returned home their son Patrick asked Julia, "What's the matter with dad, I said good morning to him and he looked at me as if he'd never seen me before."

It was at that point it was decided Aiden should see their doctor. He was sent off for tests and after that came the devastating report, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that you have the early stages of Alzheimer's disease."

"But that's not possible," Julia had gasped, "that's a disease for old people, not for a fit thirty two year old man."

"I'm sorry," the doctor said again, "but it happens. There have been teenagers diagnosed with Alzheimer's. What I can do," he said to Aiden, "is to give you some medication that may slow down the progress of the disease."

"There's no cure?" Julia had asked.

The doctor looked embarrassed as he had to tell her that there was no cure.

* * * * * * * *

Aiden and Julia had met while they were both studying at the university; the handsome, personable and aspiring Aiden and in his eyes, the gorgeous Julia.

She was tall and statuesque and beautiful in that divine way normally associated with Greek goddesses, the straight nose, upstanding breasts, her long neck, and her looks were matched by the grace of her movements and a dignity rarely seen in one so young.

Both of them had engaged in a number of brief affairs, but at their first meeting they had said to them selves, "That's The One," and nothing thereafter had changed their minds. Julia had often said that if marriages were made in heaven then certainly their marriage was. She did allow that some marriages seemed to have been made in hell, but not hers.

Strong, fit and an ardent lover, Aiden had been all she had hoped for in a marriage partner, and whereas in many cases the birth of a child, despite rumours to the contrary, could break up a marriage, the birth of Patrick had accorded with the rumours and had bound them together in an even closer bond of love.

Everything had seemed to be as perfect as it could be for Julia until that at first little cloud had appeared over the clear sky of their lives, and had grown ever more ominous until their lives seemed to inhabit in the darkness of Aiden's sickness.

The medication did little or nothing to slow the onset of the disease, and there came a time when Aiden had to stop working and stay at home.

Julia, assistant curator at the State Art Gallery, had to continue working to provide an income. Patrick was thirteen and in the early stages of high school, and this meant that Aiden was at home alone. This led to the first near catastrophic event.

It seemed that Aiden had started to cook a fillet of fish in a pan of oil, and had forgotten about it. The oil had caught fire and had it not been for their neighbour seeing smoke pouring out of the kitchen window the whole house might have gone up in flames.

This meant that drastic measures had to be taken, and a woman was employed to stay with Aiden while Julia was at work and Patrick at school. This was followed by the daily visits of a nurse, but as Aiden began to lose control of his bowels and bladder further measures had to be taken.

The choice was between Julia staying at home and thus they would lose their income, or her continuing to work and putting Aiden into a nursing home.

It was their doctor supported by the nurse, who said to Julia, "He's never going to get any better, only worse, and you won't be able to cope." And so the decision was made to put Aiden into the nursing home.

Julia visited him regularly three times a week, and on other occasions when she could, sometimes accompanied by Patrick, but the time came when Aiden no longer knew them apart from brief moments of lucidity.

It broke Julia's heart when during those moments of lucidity Aiden asked, "What am I doing here, I want to go home." Even before Julia had said, "You're not well darling, and you can't come home until; you're better," the moment had passed and Aiden might ask her, "Who are you?"

And so Julia, at the age of thirty seven, found her self with a ruined marriage, heavy nursing home bills to meet, and a seventeen years old son to support.

* * * * * * * *

Aiden had been very sexually potent, and Julia had met his potency with her own challenging libido. Theirs had been a joyful and free giving sexual relationship, but that had come to a stop with the progress of Aiden's disease.

A woman of strong religious commitment she prayed long and hard for her particular deity to turn the situation around. It seemed that the deity was either not listening or had gone on vacation.

There were grounds on which Julia could have divorced Aiden and remarried or perhaps taken a lover, but she did neither. Because of her religious allegiance she would not countenance either divorce or the taking of a lover while Aiden remained alive.

Patrick proved to be a very loyal and supportive son, and as the financial situation became increasingly difficult he went to work in the evenings and weekends at The Spaghetti House and this brought in a few extra dollars.

Julia's mother, a widow, had been left a little money mainly through investments, and she helped where she could, and it was through her mother that some degree of financial equilibrium came about, although the means was unwelcome.

Julia's mother died and left all her assets to Julia. It was far from a fortune, but it did make life a little easier.

Sexually Julia seemed to have closed the shutters. It was not that she did not have opportunities for sexual indulgence, far from it. Some of the men who subtly or openly suggested a "meaningful relationship," surprised and at times alarmed Julia.

One was the curator of the gallery, a man some twenty years older than Julia, with a wife and grownup children. Others included a church deacon and her dentist, and, she suspected, her minister who for a while had taken to visiting her frequently and at unusual times like nine o'clock in the evening.

Finally even Aiden's lucid moments ceased and his days were spent sitting in what was called "The Lounge," staring uncomprehending and probably unseeing at the television screen.

Had she been waiting for Aiden to die before she resumed her sex life, she was even thwarted there. She was told that apart from the deterioration of his brain the rest of his organs were in good condition and "He could go on for years."

What sustained Julia over those years were two loves; that for her work at the gallery, and that for Patrick. For a while after her rejection of the curator she thought she might lose her job, but for once good fortune came her way. The curator found what he wanted with an attractive woman employed to restore paintings and in that respect Julia was forgotten.

Despite his love and support she realised that one day Patrick would want to leave home. He might want to get married, or, as he was following in his father's architectural footsteps, he might need to live elsewhere.

Her relationship with Patrick had been almost the still turning point in her life; the one person who was intimately present in her life; the one she thought was "safe."

She may have put up the sexual shutters as far as an observer was concerned, but that did not mean she could completely close them on her self. She took to masturbating to relieve her sexual tensions, first by hand, and later using a dildo that combined the virtues of an ordinary dildo and a vibrator.

This gave her some relief, and with this she believed that she must rest content, but for Julia it was no substitute for a male body, specifically Aiden's, but that was now permanently and finally beyond her reach.

Patrick had long been aware of his parent's sexual obsession with each other and as a child he had often heard them enjoying each other. When he reached that age when he understood what those cries and groans meant he had been happy that his parents still gave expression to their love in that way.

When those sounds of coitus ceased he began to wonder about his mother. He was not blind to her physical attractions and had always been proud of her, and so he did wonder if and when the first male would appear to spend the night with Julia.

When no such male appeared, and his mother rarely went out except to go to work or to an art exhibition, on which occasions she often took him, he was puzzled.

He was after all at the height of his own sexual potency, and at such times it is difficult to imagine how anyone can "do without it," but his mother seemed to have taken on the vows of a nun. The only physical affection she indulged in was with him, and that was usually after she had visited his father and come home distressed.

At first the hugs and crying had embarrassed him, but with the passing of time he found himself enjoying the physical contact. It was not that he lacked even closer physical contact elsewhere since like his father he had enjoyed a number of girls' favours, but somehow his mother seemed special, although he wasn't quite sure why.

* * * * * * * *

It was a week after Patrick's eighteenth birthday and the end of his high school career when Julia broke out of her work-home self imposed confinement. There had been a small celebration for Patrick's birthday and highly successful ending to his high school, and this had seemed to free her up slightly.

During the following week she found herself becoming restless. She felt as if she had shut herself away for too long. On Sunday morning as they made their way to church, she said to Patrick, "Let's go to the beach this afternoon."

Patrick had since the death of his grandmother and the money she had left Julia, stopped working at The Spaghetti House, so he was free to go with her. He was surprised by this unexpected suggestion from Julia. She had for a long time shut herself away, and so he welcomed this change in direction.

"Fine," he said, wondering if this presaged further changes in Julia, and whether the long anticipated lover would finally make his appearance in Julia's life.

That afternoon at the beach only reinforced his view that a lover might be imminent. Not since he was twelve years old had he seen his mother in a bikini -- a relic of the days when the three of them used to go to the beach.

Back in those days her physical exposure had little effect on him except that he was proud to have such a lovely mother. He might have been equally proud of his father's fine physique, but like a lot of sons he hadn't taken much notice of him in that respect.

That Sunday afternoon was to be different both for him and Julia.

Always aware of his mother's beauty he had nevertheless not seen her so exposed for years. Her breasts seemed to support the cups of the bra rather than the other way round, and her long slender legs constantly drew his gaze to them.

His thoughts became distinctly unfilial and he was not unaware that every male eye within range was focused on Julia, and he wondered if like him they were getting erections over her. He thought he should have been shocked by what he was feeling, but somehow it seemed entirely natural. She was his mother, but she was also a woman, and a damned desirable one, and he knew he would never be able to see her as he had done in the past, ever again.

Patrick wasn't the only person on the beach who had a change of perception.

He had gone for a swim and it was as he came out of the water and approached Julia that she had a sudden vision of the first time she had seen Aiden doing precisely that. Now it was as if Aiden was coming to her again.

Patrick was so like Aiden as he had been back then that she almost called him Aiden as he began to dry himself. She noticed that his penis was rather prominent and wondered which of the several skimpily clad girls on the beach had inspired that. Looking at his erection she found herself responding to it and was glad that her arousal, although frustrating for her, was not quite as obvious as Patrick's.

She remembered how on that first occasion on the beach with Aiden they had gone back to his flat and he had taken her with more passion that ever before, ripping off her bikini and burying his face in her genitals as he started to lick her pudendal cleft. She had not experienced that before and he had brought her to a frenzied orgasm, and afterwards she had sucked his penis and he had ejaculated into her mouth.

The memory only increased her frustration and it as if her long held back libido was demanding release from its captivity.

She began to fantasise that Patrick would take her back to the house and make love with her as Aiden had, but she was shaken out of her fantasy by Patrick addressing her.

"Mother...mother...are you all right?"

"What...oh...yes darling, why?"

"You just looked a bit odd," he replied, a note of concern in his voice.

"I'm all right darling, just daydreaming. Would you mind if we went home now?"

"But you haven't even had a swim," he replied.

"Oh...er...some other time...when we come to the beach next time."

Male eyes followed them as they made their way from the beach, and behind the male eyes the thought, "Lucky young bastard, I'll bet they going off somewhere to have a fuck."

* * * * * * * * At first Julia resolved that they would not go to the beach again. However it had been for Patrick, for her it had been an almost frightening experience, being sexually aroused by her son. This ran counter to her religious principles.

Her first impression had been that Patrick's erection had been inspired by one or more of the females on the beach, but as the week passed she started to wonder. Patrick, always attentive, became even more attentive, seeking every opportunity to hug and kiss her.

Despite her principles she found herself enjoying these tactile moments -- moments that seemed to become extended -- during which she found herself nigh on overwhelmed by the emotions they gave rise to. She wondered if she was totally depraved in desiring her own son, despite the fact that she knew, as people said, "It goes on."

As the next weekend approached she decided that she would ask Patrick to go to the beach with her again, and then decided against it, only to change her mind again.

It was Patrick who saved her from the dilemma when he asked, "Shall we go to the beach again this Sunday?"

"You...you really want to?" Julia asked hesitatingly, half hoping he would say that he did not really want to and he'd only asked for her sake.

"Certainly I want to" Patrick replied cheerfully, "Only let's go to Parsons Bay."

"Parsons Bay!" That conjured up poignant memories for Julia. An isolated beach, she and Aiden had gone there and having the beach to themselves they had made love several times. Perhaps going there with Patrick they would...she tried to brush the thought away, but it lingered.

At night she had resorted to her dildo more frequently than ever, trying to beat down the rising feelings she had for Patrick, but it was to no avail. The dildo seemed to give her less relief than previously, and left her weeping for her past love and the new and illicit desire that had now unexpectedly come to agitate her.

Sunday morning in church she prayed long and hard to be relieved of her new found feelings, but once more the deity ignored her request. Even as she prayed she was aware of Patrick's closeness and longed for him to touch her and say, "I want you mother."

He didn't of course, but the afternoon loomed ahead of them, an afternoon in which Julia did not know what she wanted to happen, but she believed that something would have to be resolved either then or later. What Patrick felt for her she only suspected, but for her self she knew it could not go on like this.

They lunched at home in what Patrick found to be a disconcerting silence. He caught Julia looking at him intently several times; she seemed to be about to burst into tears.

As on the beach the previous Sunday he asked, "Are you all right mother?"

"Yes...yes I'm fine," she replied, "let's clear up and go."

* * * * * * * *

At Parsons Bay they found themselves to be alone apart from a few people hunting among the rocks at Parsons Point. That was a considerable distance away, so mother and son were virtually alone.

Patrick encouraged her to have a swim, and together they went into the water. Julia swam out a little distance and then trod water, watching Patrick swim some distance beyond her. As he turned to come back Julia made her way towards the beach until she could stand with the water just below her breasts.

As Patrick approached she began to tease him, splashing water over him until he took hold of her and ducked her. She came out of the water laughing and gasping. Patrick was holding her close, her breasts were pressed against his chest and she could feel his hard penis against her lower abdomen.

The stood silent and unmoving, looking questioningly into each other's eyes, then suddenly Patrick swept her up in his arms and carried her to the beach. He laid her on the sand, and then knelt beside her. He was however irresolute, and remained looking at her until they heard voices.

The people who had been out on the Point were now making their way along the beach towards them, a mother, father and three children. The moment had passed and there was to be no resolution of the situation for Julia that day. They drove home in silence, each immersed in their own thoughts.

The following week was one of frustration and emotional turmoil for both of them. Julia wondered if it would be better if they separated, lived in different places. There were no further suggestions about going to the beach together and they seemed to try and avoid each other's company.

And so it seemed, it would go on like this interminably. Julia thought she should have the strength of will to overcome her illicit desire for her son, and made extra visits to Aiden, but this only caused her distressed, and this in turn seemed to make her more in need of Patrick.

Her dildo was even less effective and she was in a constant state of sexual arousal and made some bad errors of judgement at work.

* * * * * * * *

On Friday afternoon Julia left work early and at home she had a shower and then busied herself doing the weekly ironing. Since one of the pieces of ironing was a dress she intended to put on as soon as it was ironed, she stood before the ironing board wearing only panties and bra.

On Friday afternoons Patrick always went to the gym after lectures, usually arriving home around seven thirty. All week Patrick had been morose and that particular Friday he decided not to go to the gym. It therefore came as a bit of a shock to Julia when he walked in on her as she was still ironing.

Patrick also had a bit of a shock because although he had seen his mother in a bikini, it had not been Julia's habit to wear only panties and bra when he was around. Also, seeing her dressed like that in the house seemed to be somehow more seductive than a bikini on a beach.

The ironing board was in the kitchen, and instead of passing through on the way to his bedroom he sat at the kitchen table and watched Julia. Feeling as he did about her it was hardly surprising he started to get an erection. He was only wearing a track-suit and this tended to give a magnificent display of his manly assets even when his penis was not erect. Fortunately from his perspective it was at the moment hidden under the table.

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