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Osorhor Ogenevwegba Michael
Delta state polytechnic otefe oghara ( DESPO )
Graduate, Nigeria.
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There is the saying “behind a good man is an even better woman”. As wives, we are crucial in raising our husbands up to be a respected member of the community. Not every man can be an elder, but every man can be held in high esteem. Now you may be thinking that you already do that by supporting his efforts to be promoted or buying a t-shirt that says “world’s greatest husband”. Those are wonderful ways to show your husband support and encouragement. What I want to talk about today is all the ways you might be showing disrespect to your husband – without even realizing it!

1. Disrespect by Telling Stories

We women love to talk. I don’t know about you and your husband, but my husband is a much more private person than I am. Even now I’m still catching myself telling stories I know he would prefer me not to share. Thankfully he is a gracious husband and he forgives me every time, and I am improving. I have adopted the policy of letting him tell the stories. I try to only share what I have heard him tell others previously. In addition, he knows it is a struggle for me and is usually forthcoming about what he would prefer me to keep private.

How You Tell Stories

Now your husband might be more outgoing and open, which means he is absolutely okay with you telling all your funny stories. Before you write off this section as non-applicable to you, consider something else. The way you tell stories can show disrespect to your husband. Think of your favorite stories to tell about your husband. Do they:

Capitalize on something foolish he did?

Make him the punch line of a joke?

Portray him in any negative light/antagonist?

Focus on some of his less-than-fine qualities?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are doing your husband a disservice. That does not mean you cannot share whatever experience it was. Often, a simple rephrase can solve the issue while still communicating the tone of the moment. For example, instead of saying “for some reason he thought it was a good idea to….” You could say something like “well, he didn’t realize what the consequences would be if he…” The first portrays him as some sort of daft nincompoop who is to be laughed at. The second portrays someone who made an honest mistake. One has a condescending tone, one is more gracious and understanding.

I find it easiest to just let him say what he wants to say. Should he say something that paints a less-than-pretty picture of himself, I try to redeem him by saying something like “in his defense…” I cannot control the words he says but I can certainly do my best to ensure the audience does not perceive him as a fool! I also include those comments if I catch myself saying something in a way that would show him disrespect. It takes some adjusting and constant self-evaluation. Changing how you tell stories about/involving your husband is an intentional endeavor.

2. Disrespect by Adding Input

Above I mentioned how your input into a story can be your husband’s saving grace. However, if it’s not carefully orchestrated, it could be his downfall.

I’m talking about when someone is telling a story and you add in that your husband has done the same or similar. Depending on what/how the other person is talking, associating your husband with it could be painting him in a negative light.

For example, at marriage fellowship one night the speaker found a humorous list of rules for married couples. Things such as putting the toilet seat up/down, talking during the big game instead of commercials, etc. I don’t see anything wrong with laughing along and enjoying the humor. It is generally understood, though, that the habits mentioned are uncared for in a spouse. Perhaps not make-it-or-break-it status, but not particularly desirable.

That being said, it would be disrespectful to call out your spouse specifically on the things he does/doesn’t do. I noticed one person who was constantly pointing to their spouse, laughing, and saying, “That’s you! That’s you!” While it was all meant in good fun, the spouse being pointed at did not look happy. I can understand why. Nobody likes to be directly laughed at, especially not in public and by the one person who is supposed to be your biggest supporter. Not to mention, it sent the impression that one spouse is constantly annoying the other. I would not classify that as a show of respect.

3. Disrespect by Venting

Perhaps I should have put this first, as I feel it is probably the most important. I cannot stress it enough, do not ever vent about your husband to anyone. The fastest way to discredit anyone and break their trust is to heatedly slander them and share all their worst traits to the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother, your closest friend, or your pastor. Just don’t do it.

Talk to God, talk to your husband, and if you can’t/don’t want to tell your husband, do what I do. Get a journal and write him a letter of what you would say. My husband always gets to read these “letters” of mine, but not always right away. I personally am not very good at expressing my feelings. Rather than go in circles while he tries to figure out exactly what is bothering me, writing it out in private helps me sort through it on my own.

One thing I do want to point out, though, is that there are indeed times when it is okay to talk to someone outside your marriage. If you feel you are unsafe in any way, by all means seek help. There is a difference between venting and confiding. When I use the term venting, I am referring to ranting out your frustrations or anger without seeking advice or help. You just need an outlet. Those situations are what I am advising you to steer clear of. Calmly explaining an issue to someone you trust (not the cashier at Walmart) in order to get help working through an issue is a different situation. At times, it is even recommended.

The same way Christians are called to represent Christ in the world, wives are called to represent their husbands. Write down the things you say about your husband for one day. If you say those things to someone who has never met him, would they think of him positively?

4. Disrespect by Interactions at Social Events

The past three sections have covered how you talk about your husband, now I want to discuss how you talk to your husband in public. Do you use kind words, please and thank you, and ask him instead of commanding him? One way to judge this is how he responds to you. When you send him out to the car to get something you forgot, does he

respond “sure, sweetheart” and go right out and get it
head back outside, but without a word and a begrudging demeanor completely ignore you and continue his conversation with the guys

If you answered a:

You are doing great! He does not feel like you are treating him as an inferior or a slave. You are sending a message to everyone that you respect him and he appreciates that.

If you answered b:

You are not too far off. He might not feel like you were giving him an option, which could send a message that you call the shots and expect him to go along with it. For a husband who craves respect more than love, he does not feel respected when this happens. Simply add in a please or thank you, smile, and soften your voice. For brownie points, throw in a “sweetheart” or “honey” and also provide him a way out. Something like “if not, Sally is on her way out there she could get it for me.” He will feel less like you are commanding him and be more willing to help.

If you answered c:

It might be a good idea to rethink some things. He is ignoring you because he feels the only time you talk to him is to order him around. Whether it does or not, in his mind this is sending a message that you do not respect him as a man. Over time, he loses respect for you. His defense mechanism is to ignore you and show everyone that he won’t tolerate being pushed around by his wife. You will need a hard reset to get his attention.

The next several times you are at a social function I would not ask him to do anything. Instead, maybe walk up, give his arm a little rub and smile. Do this multiple times throughout the event. If there is food and drinks, keep him well stocked on both. This lets him know that you just appreciate that he is there with you. It might take some time for his attitude to change, but don’t give up!

5. Disrespect in Front of the Kids

There are a number of ways a wife can disrespect her husband in front of the kids. Any time she:

argues with him in front of them

goes against his decision behind his back

speaks to him condescendingly
implies that she can manipulate him to do as she desires

makes major decisions without his input

makes it clear that she does not see him as an equal when it comes to parenting

All of these actions teach the children that their mother does not respect their father. Not as a man, a husband, or as a dad. This is so crippling to a family unit. Children need a father, the way we all need our Father. To show disrespect to your husband where the kids can see is undermining his authority.

The dynamic between mother and father is extremely influential in a child’s life. If we teach them that women do everything and men have no authority or use, that is what they will be in their own relationships as adults. Sons will learn to be pushovers and to assume their thoughts and opinions don’t matter. Daughters will learn to manipulate men to do their bidding. These traits will carry and multiply through the generations to come.

Source danielleamonglions.com/wives-disrespect-husbands/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=tailwind_smartloop&utm_content=smartloop&utm_term=13347640
5 Ways Wives Disrespect Their Husbands - Relationships/Romance

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