Thursday, March 22, 2007

You'd think someone who manhandled your boobs would remember you for five minutes

I was having a lovely time at my mammography yesterday. I was in a great mood, having crossed about 765,743 things off my to-do list that day. I was flying.

The radiology technician was really friendly and answered all my goofy questions like, how do women with implants have mammograms. (answer: they take 6 rather than 4 x-rays, so they don't have to flatten the breast down to the thickness of a slice of toast) She even thanked me for "brightening up" her day by making her laugh so much. I figured we were besty friends.

And then she led me back to the little room where my clothes were and told me not to put my shirt back on and she would be back in about 5 minutes. I wasn't concerned when she didn't return in five minutes as everybody says they will be back in five minutes, don't they? And nobody ever is.

After 10 minutes, I was starting to think that I was going to get called back for an additional x-ray, like I did last year.

After 15 minutes I was starting to get a little worried; what if the radiologist had found some enormous mass on my x-ray and was trying to work up the nerve to tell me.

I drifted off to sleep after about 20 minutes, because it was starting to get really stuffy and hot in my little confessional booth, despite my wearing only a paper shirt that didn't close all the way.

After 25 minutes, I had enough. I was starting to suspect that my new best friend had forgotten about me. D'uh, I catch on quickly, don't I?

So I burst out of the changing room, still clad in paper, stomped around a bit till I found another radiology technician and asked if I could go. She checked my name and assured me that I could. I couldn't very well yell at her because it wasn't her fault, but as a sign of my extreme displeasure, I left my lovely paper shirt in a crumpled pile on the floor.

Ha! Take that, you fair-weather besty friend, you!


mellowlee said...

ouchy!!! :O(

kelly said...

what kind of toast?..I mean I've seen toast in a restaurant called texas toast cause its thick....then theres those little super thin crostini tiny toasty things?

JustRun said...

How nice.
And I was just waiting for you to call her your "breast friend" by the end of the post. I am so immature.

Karen said...

Melba toast?

I'm not looking forward to starting to get my girls squished and squashed but it'll have to be done eventually, right?

Hopefully everything comes back clear and the x-rays just show your fabulous set of girls (I'm guessing...).

What is it about Thursdays and doctors? Once again Barbara, you and I are 'NSync. But next time, can I wanna be J.T.

Green Tea - Iced Tea said...

yikes that brings back memories of my mom's mammogram stories. I wonder if men had to endure them, maybe the machine would be designed differently.

Your waiting part of the story reminds me of the time when I arrived with a full bladder for an ultrasound. I was almost ready to pee my pants, dancing around in front of the merciless receptionist. I have no idea what the delay was, or if they have people who haven't read the instructions, that they wanted to see the person in distress as proof of a full bladder. :P

sorry if this is TMI, you can delete if you like :D

Johnny Yen said...

I certainly would not forget a topless woman.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You know what, Mel - it's actually less and less uncomfortable each year, but the being forgotten - that was painful.

It'd be more like Texas toast thank god, Kelly - thank you for your concern. But it would likely fit in a bagel slice of a fancy toaster.

Turns out she was my "breast" friend only, Justrun. Once the paper shirt went back on, I was dead to her apparently.

I'm slightly ahead of you, Karen, as my appt was Wednesday, so I get to be JT. But we definitely are showing some kind of synchrony.
The mammogram is not really that bad, but if your girls end up like Melba toast, I suspect they are tightening the machine too much.

I would never dream of deleting, Green tea-iced tea! Around here we live for TMI stories!
A similar thing happened to a friend with her ultrasound. She drank too much water, they made her wait forever, and then told her she had to void her bladder. But only a little bit! That's like trying to stop Niagra Falls, innit?

Especially a 75 year old topless woman, Johnny Yen. There were quite a few of them to choose from at the clinic that day.
Actually they should have hot-boy radiology technicians. It would add a little excitment to the procedure.

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb said...

D'oh! That was me.

What I was trying to say:

Adding insult to injury!! Good for you for the paper gown on the floor...that'll teach 'em!

I have a mammography horror story (later), as well as a funny one.

I showed up for my appointment early in four hours too early. They took me in anyhow, so I wouldn't have to return later.

As I was leaving, I thanked them for "squeezing me in" took a minute for me to figure out why they were all laughing as I left.

High five on surviving the ordeal.

justacoolcat said...

That's why you should demand dinner first.

Allison said...

How rude! (I too was waiting for the breast friend comment).

I just had a physical today, oh was it ever fun. (Please read sarcasm). Actually, it wasn't all that bad considering. Copious amounts of blood drawn though. Now perhaps I won't have to wear my scarf inside, as the vampires will surely move on.

BeckEye said...

Felt up and forgotten. We've all been there.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

They must hear so many boob manipulation jokes at those radiology clinics, don't you think, Deb? Although that might well be the first time they heard an unintentional one.

See that's why they pay you the big bucks, Just A. You think of all the details that make me smack myself in the forehead cause I shoulda thought of them myself. Next time I am not going in there until they give me a sandwich or something.

No but you'll still have to wear your scarf because you won't have any blood flowing through your veins to keep you warm, Allison. Although red wine is excellent for building your supply of hemoglobin. And it is Friday night.

We have indeed, Beckeye, although I was out of practice. It's been a while since I tussled with a teenage boy. (sigh)

~Jen~ said...

GAWD!!!! now i want a mammogram!!!!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You are cracked, Jen! Just wait a few years, you'll be getting all the mammograms you want and then some.

Dale said...

Next time say 'hi I'm Barbara and I'm a writer. I write about bad service'.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maybe I could just get that tattoed on my breast, and save myself some time, Dale.

Leazwell said...

Well, we can't be everybody's main squeeze, can we?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Groan! You too, Leazwell? Everyone's bringing all their boob manupulations to the table. You make a valid point though.