The NSA Is Spying on Video Games Because Of Course They Are

No, your mom is getting spied on
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The NSA is now employing people to spy on you while you play World of Warcraft and Xbox Live games because, come on, they already have a GoPro in your toilet, why wouldn't they be the guys hurling racial epithets at you while they capture your flag in Call of Duty?

The idea is that terrorists could conceivably solely communicate through the chat functions of online games, using World of Warcraft servers as a walled garden to get around traditionally tapped lines of communication. From The Guardian:


I know what you're thinking: Maybe that's happening, but isn't this an incredibly inefficient and borderline anti-technological way of doing things? Wouldn't this actually be a decent time to plow through metadata, if they have to do this probably futile endeavor altogether?

But the NSA has a considerate and reasonable counter: Shut up. Shut up and stop asking questions.

Plus, they got some fascinating, 100 percent reliable and undeniable Census-level data out of this. Here are the most compelling new stats about the spied-upon video game America you live in:

- 97% of America is gay.

- America's hottest new single is the Confederate National Anthem.

- The sole unifier of the people is against camping. The next great American war will be waged on Clif Bars.

- America has a prostitution epidemic amongst suburban moms and it is likely affecting you, personally.

But really, the data's useless. Thanks for the tax dollars and all of your freedom, everybody!

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