The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Rings of Olympus

Episode 5 (Vampires)

First Transmitted 4.2.1991



Denise Coffey as Granny Bag

Gavin Richards as Count von Fledermaus


T-Shirt is in the T-Room watching horror films on the TV. There is a terrible knocking that comes from behind him. When he goes to investigate, a hideous monster emerges from the shadows and startles him. It turns out to be Granny Bag with a mask on. She is a mischievious old woman who is always playing practical jokes. T-Shirt tells her that T-Bag is in the bath. Granny tells T-Shirt that they are going to play a joke on T-Bag when she comes back.

Polly arrives in Transylvania in a deserted darkened street.

T-Bag comes back from the bath. Granny and T-Shirt leap out dressed in their scary costumes and try to scare her, but T-Bag just tells them off. T-Shirt asks if they can go out trick or treating. T-Bag says no and then goes to get dressed. Granny tells him not to take any notice, and they decide to go anyway.

In the street, a bat flitters down. A voice then wishes Polly a good evening from behind and startles her. She turns around to see what is obviously a vampire. He has the ring on the clasp on his cloak collar. He introduces himself as Igor von Fledermaus. He offers to give the ring to Polly if she will come back to his castle for a quick BITE to eat. A storm strikes up, so Polly agrees, knowing full well that he is a vampire. Once they have gone to the castle, T-Shirt and Granny appear. They start knocking door-to-door, but they don't get any answers and then realise that the place is deserted. They notice an outdoor cafe with all the tables desrted and overturned chairs. T-Shirt finds that the teapot on one of the tables is still hot. Granny then admits that it was a mistake coming to somewhere as far away as Transylvania. When T-Shirt hears this, he panics about vampires.

At the Count's castle, he tells Polly to sit down so he can get her a drink. She asks for lemonade. The count fixes her drink, but puts a pill in it which make it foam and boil. Polly takes it and drinks it, not noticing (Duh!). She soon fall asleep. The vampire goes to bite her.

Back at the T-Room, T-Bag can't find T-Shirt and so she threatens to nail him to the floor.

Just as the vampire goes to bite, his fangs fall out because he has run out of denture fixative. He decides to go and get some more.

Back in the street. Granny asks T-Shirt why he has a load of sausages dangling around his neck. He explains that they are for protection from vampires because they are garlic sausages. The bat flaps down into the street. T-Shirt sees this and panics, telling Granny that it has come to turn them into the living dead. The Vampire sticks his fangs in with his new tube of denture grip. Granny wrestles with T-Shirt for some sausages, having been alarmed by what he has just told her. They are approached by the vampire. T-Shirt makes the sign of the cross with his sausages, and Granny tells him to stop it, not realising that the Count is a vampire. She apologises for T-Shirt's behaviour and tell him that he can be such a clot. "Clot? Blood clot! Yummy doodle de-lish! Blood, blood, blood, blood!" is the counts reply. Granny then realises that he is a vampire, grabs some sausages and wards him off.

Granny is really excited by this and magics up a video camera and tells T-Shirt that they are going to make a film and that they will get protection from the sausages.

Polly wakes up and rushes to hide behind some curtains. The vampire bursts in to bite her, but she is gone.

T-Bag sees the ring on the vampires clasp. She disguises herself as a beautiful lady vampire. She goes to the castle and tries to seduce the vampire into taking off his cloak.

Granny and T-Shirt are in the castle and Granny is enthusiastically filming everything. She tries to get T-Shirt to go into the drawing room. T-Shirt refuses, but Granny tells him that the vampire will soon be sleeping because it will be dawn soon and sunlight kills them.

T-Bag is till trying to seduce the vampire, but he has to pay a visit to the little vampires room. He leaves to do so. Granny and T-Shirt come in and see T-Bag. They mistake her for another vampire because of her disguise. Granny calls to her so that she can get some footage of her face. When she turns around, T-Shirt clobbers her with a large garlic sausage and knocks her out. Realising his mistake, he takes her back to the T-Room. Granny continues filming. She comes across Polly behind the cutains and greets her. Polly tells her that they have got to get out of the castle before the vampire comes back. They hear an evil laugh and Polly rushes to hide. Granny rushes to find the vampire to film him. He demands to know where the girl is. She reaches into her pocket to get out some sausages, but she finds that all she has in her pocket is a hole. He grabs her by the throat and lifts her up with one hand, demanding again to know where the girl is. Granny refuses to tell him. He drops her and turns to the curtains, seeing Polly's shoes poking out from under the curtains. He draws them back with a triumphant flourish. Polly is not there. She calls him from across the room and when the vampire turns around, she opens some more curtains and sunlight streams in. The vampire writhes around and turns into a pile of dust, leaving just the ring and a set of dentures intact.


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