Who's issue is it really?

Often in life, we can feel responsible for others emotional wellbeing; if they are unhappy or sad, if they’re experiencing difficulties in their life is, if they are angry irritable or in the way they react to us. Taking responsibility for other peoples emotional wellbeing can often cause us to feel not good enough, reinforcing entrenched views about our own self-worth.

It is important to recognise that all our relationships with others are co-created and so whilst we do have an element of responsibility around our own actions and behaviours, it is important that we don’t take full responsibility for how others think, feel or behave.

The way another person thinks, feels or acts is a reflection of themselves and their own life experiences. These life experiences may lead the other to play the victim or be quite persecutory, but noting the boundary between where your responsibility towards yourself ends and their responsibility begins can be a powerful tool of change for both you and them!

Mindfulness Guided Meditations







Mindfulness at work




Stop multitasking


Set regular mindful check ins 


Decorate your workspace with visual reminders   


Mindfulness check in practice 






An introduction to mindfullness






Here’s a seven step guide to a basic mindfulness exercise:

1. Make time


2. Find space


3. Get comfy


4. Breathe slowly


5. Focus on now


6. Relax


7. Ease yourself into the day




What you need to know about therapy







2. They probably see a therapist, too.




3. Most therapists don’t prescribe medication.










6. And they probably aren’t Googling you.



























13. They don’t have all the answers.



14. Being a therapist can be hard work.








What to say to someone suffering with an anxiety disorder














Our new colleague!






Changing your present through exploring your past





Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder


  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes




How is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosed?



Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder




Hypnotherapy Testimonials

Here are some more recent hypnotherapy comments from satisfied clients.  You can find even more on our customer feedback page.

I made it to Italy in a calm & relaxed way and quite enjoyed the flight. I'm hoping the positive feelings about flying stay with me. We're planning next year's holiday! Thanks for your help

(Phobia of flying - Chiswick practice)


I've lost 6kg since our last appointment in June and have been going to the gym regularly.  The sessions have helped me considerably and I can't thank you enough

(Weight Loss Hypnotherapy Kew)


First Steps in Therapy













Why diets don't work!

A vast majority of the population has probably tried some form of diet at some point in their lives, but the fact is, for most people, diets don’t work.  Now there are probably many people reading this now who will disagree, focussing on the likes of Weight Watchers, Slimming World and all those other diet based weight loss institutions out there.  And while these organisations may have short term success with their members, when you look a year, two years, five years or ten years into the future of those members, you often find that the weight loss they experienced through dieting is unsustainable, especially after the member stops going to the weekly meetings. 

Many of you reading this will have surely experienced for yourself, trying countless diets, your weight going up and down like a yo-yo, feelings of exhilaration one week only to be followed by despair the next, getting to a point where inevitably you stop your diet and then the weight piling back on, in some cases worse than before. 

So what’s really going on here?  Why do diets not work and is it possible for sustained weight loss over the long term?  Allow yourself to imagine for a moment, your life as it would be if you lived 10,000 years ago.  Your life would have been nomadic, constantly on the move, hunting and gathering.  Supermarkets and shops didn’t exist and there were no ways of storing food for any length of time.  Your trigger to eat was simply driven by hunger.  When your body needed food, it released the hormone to make you feel hungry, encouraging you to hunt and gather.  When your body didn’t need food,that hunger wasn’t present and so you had no need to hunt and gather.  Simply put, you ate when you felt genuinely hungry and stopped eating when you stopped feeling hungry. 

From an evolutionary and biological point of view, the human body has changed little in the last 10,000 years and we are still primarily driven by this hunger / full signal.  However, modern society has effectively disrupted this driver.  Just think of the concept of meal times.  Meal times are convenient in modern, structured society, but forcing the body to eat when it is not hungry is not healthy.  And forcing the body to wait for a set meal time when it is genuinely in need of food is again, detrimental. 

Now think for a moment about all those verbal messages around food given to children as they grow “think of all the starving children in Africa”, “You will be sent to your room if you don’t eat all that”, “Do you know how hard we work to put food on the table”, etc.  I’m sure you can name many more sayings around food from your own childhood.

And then there are the non-verbal messages.  Observing parents and peers eating a biscuit with a coffee or a bag of crisps with a sandwich.  Being given a lollipop when they go to the doctors, sweets or chocolate when they need comforting, ice cream as a reward for good behaviour, pizza or takeaways as a treat for working hard.  The truth is, by the time a child becomes a teenager, they have been exposed to countless verbal and non-verbal messages around food and eating.  What they should eat, when they should eat, what foods connect with what emotional state, what circumstances certain foods are allowed in, etc. 

So what does all this have to do with unsuccessful diets?  Firstly, diets teach you that you are only allowed certain foods in certain quantities and certain times.  This is not how the human body operates.  Factors such as activity, the weather, illnesses, emotional states, fatigue and even brain usage mean that we need different amounts of food each day.  Your body tells you what it needs and when it needs it.  It is important to listen to your body and respond appropriately, not to try and force a particular eating regime onto yourself which may not be in your body’s best interest. 

Secondly, forcing yourself to eat certain foods in certain quantities at certain times does not begin to uncover or reverse those negative messages you have been exposed to all of your life.  The truth is, your subconscious mind will always win out over your conscious mind.  So if your subconscious is convinced that chocolate is the best solution when you are feeling sad, you may be able to fight that impulse for a while, but ultimately, that conflict between your conscious and subconscious will wear you down and your subconscious will eventually win out.  It is here that hypnotherapy has the greatest impact, changing these negative messages at a subconscious level. 

So, are you genuinely still interested in losing weight and keeping that weight off for the long term?  If so, stop listening to these fad diets and dieting organisations and start listening to yourself.  Allow yourself to become more aware of those negative and harmful messages you learnt around food as you grew.  And most importantly, teach yourself to tune into that genuine hunger and full signal from your body.  If you are genuinely hungry, eat slowly until you feel satisfied.  And once you feel satisfied, stop eating until the next time you feel genuinely hungry.

And if you are still struggling, why not look into how hypnotherapy can help you to break those negative messages and become more in tune with yourself once again.  You may just find that you’ve held the key to sustainable weight loss within you the whole time!


Sitting with your feelings (no matter how uncomfortable!)









Emstart Personal Training

Here at West London Counselling, Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy services, we recognise that a healthy life is a direction rather than a destination.  For those interested in Weight Loss hypnotherapy or counselling, your weight loss journey may begin with us, but it's also a journey which continues long after our sessions finish.  We are proud to associate ourselves with Emstar Personal Training who can take your new found sense of health to the next level.  Please contact Aaron for details of a free consultation.


Emstar Personal Training

If you want to have more energy in your day, or dream of having a six-pack, a customised fitness program designed by me is tailored to your specific needs and your individual fitness level. You will receive full support every step of the way through your training. The combination of motivational support and exercise is a vital component to success with weight loss or increasing muscle tone.

I hold advanced qualifications in sport science, personal training, together with top industry accreditations. I am highly certified with 10 year’s of experience in the fitness field. I am a friendly, personable and well-educated professional who knows exactly how to get the best for you. Sessions are fun, varied and highly motivational - I guarantee that you'll certainly not get fed up of your workouts easily!

I can offer potential clients a free consultation so that we can discuss your goals and find out more about your motivations.

Why not find out what I can do for you today? Text me now.


Name:  Aaron

Position: Personal Trainer

Phone Number:  020 993 9731

Website: www.emstarpersonaltraining.co.uk



BSc Sports Science Degree

Lever 3 Personal Trainer

Level 2 Gym Instructor

Level 2 First Aid



Core and abs Training

Muscle Building

Total Weight/ Fat Loss



I have met Frank Bruno and trained with his coach at a special sporting event.

I was taught by some of the same lecturers as Audley Harrison at Brunel University.


7 Reasons to stop proving yourself to everyone else







2.  No one else really knows what’s best for YOU.






4.  Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.






6.  The path to all great things passes through failure.



7.  It’s impossible to please everyone anyway.





The floor is yours…



This article was originally posted on Marc and Angel.

Societies expectations vs authentic self

From the moment we are born, society teaches us the rules we need to survive.  We are conditioned with messages about what is right and what is wrong, what we should and shouldn’t do.  Often, we only feel valid and “okay” if we comply with societies expectations.  However this often brings us into conflict with our own authentic selves.  For example, if you feel really upset over an incident, but your society has given you a strong message that crying is weakness, you feel compelled to stay strong to comply with societies expectations, whilst at the same time, feeling low and sad inside.  Often these internal conflicts can be the source of depression and anxiety reactions.  So in this post, we are going to look at some common issues which we all experience in life and consider if they can actually be healthy.


1. Anger

Anger is something many of us avoid expressing and yet it can often be very liberating. Feeling angry but expressing it in a healthy way can create powerful and positive change in our lives. Anger is simply a type of emotional energy that rises up in us when we have been wronged and a personal boundary has been crossed. That energy is set out on a mission to dismantle the inappropriate situation that has caused our suffering.

So, learn how to embrace that energy and put it to positive use. When you become angry, examine how you can express that anger in a positive way that will create change for the better. It is when we deny our anger and avoid it that it can turn into more unhealthy ways of being, such as rage or depression. Know that healthy anger is there for a reason, to be your protector and liberator.


2. Being Lost

We are feeling lost when we have lost our sense of direction. Yet when we are lost, it makes us pay attention to the moment and to our instincts. If you have ever been lost in a big city or a foreign land, you likely also made some wonderful discoveries while trying to find your way.

The same is true for life. Be okay with knowing it is the journey that is important, and sometimes in being lost and going down paths we never would have thought to choose we find out things about ourselves that are amazing. We discover unknown talents in ourselves, and meet friends or allies who otherwise would have remained a mystery. Being lost now doesn’t mean you will be lost forever. It simply means you are taking your time in finding your way, and also allowing the world around you to give input into the path which is best for you. Often it is that input we never would have dreamed to ask for that sets us on our true path.


3. Crying

Crying, like anger, is a healthy human emotional response to certain situations. Although few of us would want to be crying all the time, it is important to honor those times in life which may bring us to tears. Those tears can be tears of loss but also of joy. When we cry, it helps our psyche unleash energy that if we were to hold on to may become toxic or make us rigid.

Crying also softens our personalities as well as our appearance to the outside world, letting others know we feel, care, grieve and are effected by the world around us. So, crying not only lets us release our grief and sorrow, but also sends a signal to others that we are open and vulnerable as human beings, making us more attractive as friends and partners than those who never shed a tear for any reason.


4. Being alone

Being alone doesn’t have to be seen in a negative way and often can mean that we are just cutting off some of the not necessary social activities to dive into a deeper level of our being. It’s true that there are some situations where a person isolating themselves might be a reason of concern, but know as well that many of the world’s greatest artists, writers and thinkers found supreme value in solitude to find deeper inspiration and re-ignited their sense of creativity. Sometimes we just need to turn off the external stimuli and be with ourselves.

If you are feeling the need to be alone, trust and honor it. Sometimes a walk by yourself in the park, or even going on a solo vacation can lead to a level of self-reflection that completely renews our sense of purpose. In some situations, the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to be alone.


5. Not listening

Not listening to others may often be seen as an anti-social or even arrogant form of behavior, and yet there are times when you need to just go on your own intuition and be free with what your inner calling is. Keeping your eye on a strong vision sometimes requires you to ignore or tune out those voices who may not understand or be in alignment with that vision. Trust yourself and know that if advice is being given to you there may be some very good reasons not to listen to it.

Not listening can also simply display a level of discernment, as we have all seen those people who listen to what everyone else tells them, and how they can often appear to be captains on a rudderless ship, lacking an internal strong sense of direction. Be wise and know when to listen to others and when not to. If that inner bell says to go on your own gut feeling in spite of what others say, then trust it.


6. Breaking the rules

Breaking the rules at times can improve your life, as well as the lives of others. Rules are made by people, and none of us are perfect. So, trust in your own ability to find the heart behind the rule, and then decide for yourself if that rule promotes the greater good. Most innovations in art, science and society happen because someone stopped abiding by the rules as they were written and had the courage to challenge those rules that were unjust. Some of the world’s great rule breakers were Rosa Parks, Gandhi, John Lennon, and Martin Luther King Jr. Don’t be afraid to be like them.


7. Not fitting in

Not fitting in can be painful and awkward, especially during teenage years, but it can also mean you’re an innovator and that you have something to offer beyond the norm. When we fit in, it is usually because our thoughts, feelings and even our imagination is in tune with our community. Stepping outside that box of what others might expect of us can lead us into a place of not fitting in, but it can also lead us to explore outside the zone of commonly accepted beliefs and thoughts, which is the fertile ground for new ideas and new ways of thinking that beget innovation.

The future never fits nicely into the past, so embrace who you are in the now even if it doesn’t fit in with others. Know that your innovations may forge a new path that others may eventually follow.


Credits: lifehack.org, by Brett Bevell

Issues with communication?









Dealing with Passive Aggressive Behaviour




What is passive aggressive behaviour? 


Strategies to help you cope 


The following steps are key:


Fear of change









Turning failure into success

In modern society, there is often huge pressure for people to get things right, to succeed and to be perfect.  When we do achieve and get things right, we feel fantastic, however sooner or later we will fail and this sends us plummeting into feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety and even depression.  Feelings of failure can last for a few hours to many months after the event and these feelings are often compounded by further failures.  We can become very hard on ourselves, lowering our expectations of our abilities and making us reluctant to take chances in the future, in case we “get it wrong” again.  It can also lead to self-sabotaging and self-fulfilling prophecies were we unconsciously help ourselves to fail, just so we can reinforce that belief.  

Failure is often seen as wholly negative whilst success is deemed as completely positive and this is something we usually pick up from parents when we are young.  As children, most of us were praised and rewarded for getting things right and told off when we got it wrong or made a mistake.  This way of bringing up children evolved from a concept called “Operant conditioning” where rats learnt to behave a certain way by either receiving food or an electric shock dependent upon which leaver they activated in a maze.  The idea was that if rats could be trained to behave in a certain way, then so could children.  And so parents set out to condition their children to aim for perfection and to encourage them to get things right first time by rewarding the positives and punishing the perceived failures.    

Throughout life, this belief system is reinforced first at school, then at work and in relationships.  Eventually we pass this same message onto our own children; that it is wonderful to get things right and awful to make a mistake. 

But are mistakes these awful things we have been programmed to believe?  Should we be feeling so down and hard on ourselves when things don’t go according to plan?  In actual fact, failure is just as important as success, maybe even more so, as long as you have the right mind-set.

You either succeed or you fail

Just think about the above statement for a moment.  Say it out loud and say it as if it were someone saying those words to you.  What feelings does it evoke in you?  Focus on the meaning of those words and what they represent to you.  And when you have done that, repeat the same with the statement below.       

You either succeed or you learn something valuable

Do you notice the difference?  Both statements are talking about exactly the same thing, but the first encourages you to feel negative, inadequate and down on yourself.  However the second is a win-win scenario.  It allows you to realise that when you haven’t succeeded, it is an excellent opportunity to learn something valuable.  Learning how to improve, how to better yourself and how to become more than you were before. 

If you take any of the big, influential names in business, such as Richard Branson, Sir Alan Sugar, Henry Ford (the inventor of the Ford Motor Company), they all experienced an untold amount of setbacks when building their first business.  They could have easily seen themselves as failures and decided to give up, thinking themselves as not good enough, however they decided to learn from each set back.  They allowed themselves to learn a valuable lesson every time something didn’t go to plan, allowing them to improve on it for the future and to build something bigger and better.

And mistakes can often lead to great discoveries.  Some of the greatest culinary creations, like the brownies, resulted from a failure to use a leavening ingredient. Often, our mistakes are actually the gateway to our success. And it’s not just a small success. Many times, it is a life-changing success. Failure helps us become more creative, explore the world around us, consider other options, break the rules, innovate, and steer clear from the conventional, which all could lead to much greater things.

Now I’m not saying to you to deliberately go out of your way to make mistakes or not to try to make a success of your life because that would be counter-productive.  However, next time you do make a mistake, just tell yourself this:

It’s a wonderful opportunity to learn and better myself

Because the truth is, without failure, we can never learn to succeed.  So embrace your mistakes.  Be proud of your errors and above all, learn from them.