Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Tis the season to be Jolly!

"26 year old female. Intoxicated. Drink has been spiked"

It's that time of year again, the festive season. A time for family, friends, presents and overindulgence. Oh, and Christmas parties. In the month leading to Christmas every business, every group of friends and every club will hold their annual Christmas bash. This generally means excess alcohol and good time had by all. This good time however is taken a step to far by the folk who can't handle their booze. For the ambulance service this means a massive spike in call volume. In London at the weekend, it isn't uncommon to see the CAD number reach 5500 a day.

Last week we were called to an office party in the city, the usual Christmas bash, a bunch of of well dressed  arrogant city slickers having a good time. Our patient was a 20 something in an absolute mess. She was lying in the corner, semi conscious, surrounded by a load of friends, one of which told us her drink had been spiked. The only thing her drink had been spiked with was alcohol. We established she had been drinking for 4 hours and had consumed red wine, white wine, beer, shots, shooters and shorts. Standard. We scooped her off the floor and walked her to the ambulance. She couldn't walk on her own, her legs were bowing and collapsing under her weight with every step. It resembled the walk of a new born giraffe.  We opened the door to the truck and despite our assistance she unceremoniously fell up the steps. (This was voluntary, she was supported by us but threw herself on the floor) She dragged herself to the bed and climbed up. Skirt rolling up to her hips displaying camel-toe for the world to see. It just screamed class. Her friends handed us her belongings and we started doing the usual checks.

Blood pressure was a low so we put some fluids up. As time went by our patient became more and more delightful. She began to swear and shout, spitting on the floor. She demanded the cannula be removed so we obliged. Despite her kicking off, we began the journey to the Christmas Piss Head Pit Stop. Its basically a hall, with mattresses on the floor manned by a few nurses and paramedics for the patients who are just drunk and need to sleep it off. It helps take the load off the already heaving A & E. 

"I need the toilet"

"We are driving at the moment, i'm afraid you'll have to wait until we stop"

"I need the fucking toilet" (said with much more venom"

"We'll be there in 5 minutes, you'll have to wait"

"I said, I need the fucking toilet"

With that, she got off the bed, the ambulance was stopped,  she staggered to the back corner of the ambulance and leaning against the door crouched slightly.

"Don't you dare piss on the floor"

She just looked at me, slightly cross eyes, pulled her thong to one side and started urinating. I froze for a split second, what now?! And there it was, just looking at me. Her jacket. I grabbed it and slung it between her legs. 

"What the fuck are doing?"

"Cleaning up your mess"

"That's my fucking coat"

"And this is my ambulance. I wouldn't piss in the corner of your office so don't for one minute think you can piss in mine"

This conversation didn't stop her by the way. She continued until she was spent. What a vile, disgusting person. If only here bosses at the bank could see their employee now. She might be well off, normally well spoken, intelligent, good at her job and a lovely person but now she is scum. She has taken getting pissed quite literally! She hurled a torrent of abuse and expletives, at which I opened the back door. She clambered down,  pissy coat in hand and minced off down the street.

"Happy Christmas"

"Fuck off"

1 comment:

  1. Wonder if the barrage of drunks would stop if their abuse was filmed n sent to their bosses or the faces put in the local paper/online? Name n shame n all that. Screw the confidentiality stuff!


