The Change Equation – Community and the Alphabet!

Stanislav Grof

Thirty years ago, when my parents entered their 50’s, they were asked to participant in a university study on aging. They were interviewed separately in cubicle offices by young 20 something year-old students. The questions were basic, covering a broad range of subjects that were easily answered, until the last one.  “Looking back over all of your life experiences, what advice would you give to a young person starting out.”  In separate offices, without any discussion, and without hesitation, they answered, as if in unison:  Remember that time is finite.  Do what you must do. Choose your friends wisely for they will influence the quality of your life. 

Going back to the original equation, the only changeable is time.  “Yes” and “No” are non-negotiable.  It is what we do with our time that matters.

Yes = No + time

Is it possible to manipulate time to our advantage? Perhaps we cannot change the actual length of a minute or an hour, but we can certainly adjust our perception of time.  A three hour, action packed movie goes by faster than sitting in a dentist’s chair for one hour, even though you know that a dental check-up is a good thing.  Here is where the alphabet comes into play (equations love letters). What are the beneficial influencers?


Where A = anger or anticipation


Where B = bitterness or beauty


Where C = criticism or courage

And so on and so forth….

Even in our darkest moments we can choose to use time wisely. Surrounding ourselves with beauty, anticipating the best outcome and having the courage to move forward gives time positive momentum.

Change does not occur in isolation. We are not solitary creatures; we are communal.  Community is where we learn, share, and heal.  We travel onward together, drawing strength and courage from friends and family when we falter. Transitions are never easy – sometimes it is a day by day, even an hour by hour existence before we recognize the unfamiliar path as our own.

Yes = No + time

Yes = No + time/A+B+C…

Remember that time is finite.  Do what you must do.

Next post:  A few last words about time…