Leaving the fold

Leaving the fold

WHEN he was 18, Menachem "Manny" Waks flew to Israel, to enrol in the Israeli army. For some Jewish men his age, this is a rite of passage; for Waks, it was even more poignant, as it marked the moment he left behind his Hasidic Jewish roots to start living his life as a secular Jew.

As soon as the plane took off, Waks locked himself inside its tiny bathroom and began to shave off his long beard. "It was the first time I had ever used a razor, and I didn't know how," he says. "I did it without shaving cream, so I was bleeding everywhere. All I knew was that I wanted to be normal.

Menachem Waks, now a secular Jew:  &quot;I'm not saying there is no God; if he's there, I don't want to upset him too much. In difficult times, I kind of say, 'God, if you're out there, help me out a little'.&quot;

Menachem Waks, now a secular Jew: "I'm not saying there is no God; if he's there, I don't want to upset him too much. In difficult times, I kind of say, 'God, if you're out there, help me out a little'."Credit:Simon Schluter

"On the way, we stopped off in Thailand, where I got my first proper haircut. I felt a sense of freedom. It was like, 'Wow, I'm all on my own'."

At Monash University tonight, Waks will introduce Leaving the Fold, a documentary about ultra-Orthodox Jews in Canada, the US and Israel who try to free themselves from their sheltered communities  and often have to go it alone in the process.


Waks does not feature in the film, made by Canadian Eric Scott, but he understands the experience all too well. Until that moment on the plane, he had been largely indistinguishable from his Hasidic peers  on the outside at least. He sported sidelocks and dressed in a traditional wardrobe of dark suits, white shirts, black hats and tzitzit (a ritual vest with fringes). But from the age of 13  when a Jewish boy has his barmitzvah and is considered a man under traditional law  he had been rebelling against the religious mores of his family.

"Around that time, I broke shabbat for the first time," he says. (On the sabbath, observant Jews are not permitted to drive, work, write, cook or use electricity, among other things.) "Perhaps ordinary teenage rebellion had a lot to do with it, but the most important element was my desire to shake this heavy load off my back."

More transgressions followed, including eating non-kosher food. Waks is still not entirely sure what compelled him to discard all the rules and regulations he'd been raised with, but he says he was a "non-conformist" from an early age.

Although the Chabad community in which he was raised is relatively tolerant in its beliefs, he felt many of the edicts in his house  such as the ban on television and any music that wasn't religious  were too strict.

"I think the first CD I listened to was my Richard Marx," he recalls. "I have fond memories of listening to Roxette in my room, too."

At 18, he made a complete break from his community. He was rejected by his family, and soon he was floundering: since his education at Yeshivah College focused on biblical and religious studies after year 7, he was lacking in some basics.

"As an adult, I realised my English wasn't very good and my maths was non-existent, so I did my VCE at Swinburne, evening sessions. I wrote my first essay at the age of 25  It was a struggle, and it's still a struggle now.

"Sometimes people from my generation talk about things they grew up on, and I have no idea what they're on about if it's related to television or pop culture. I have a lot of catching up to do. Even my English is self-taught, and since I grew up reading biblical texts, it's not natural for me to pick up a novel. But I love reading news."

Strict laws govern how Orthodox males and females interact  touching is strictly forbidden, and social interaction is restricted  but this was another area in which Waks went his own way. "When I was 15 or 16, I picked up a girl in a club. I was partying a lot, and went to a lot of pubs and nightclubs, getting drunk a lot."

In Israel, Waks met a woman, they married, and now they are expecting their third child. She wasn't born Jewish, but converted  "even though at no stage did I tell her that that was a prerequisite. It was a complete and utter choice on her part, irrespective of our relationship."

These days, she insists on keeping a strictly kosher home, and observes the sabbath, and other religious commandments: "She's religious  certainly more religious than I am," he says.

Although his family showed him the door at various times in his youth, they have since come around. "When I was young, they would say, 'Go find somewhere else to sleep,' and I'd have to go to a friend's place. My parents acknowledged that perhaps wasn't the best way for them to deal with the situation. But I was the oldest male, and I had 15 younger brothers and sisters who looked up to me  I don't hold any grudges against my parents. They thought they were educating and raising me in the best way."

Now, he'll visit his parents on weekends and for the Sabbath, and he's not the only one of his siblings to have turned his back on religion  half a dozen or so have done the same.

When all is said and done, does he believe in God? "I'm probably agnostic. I'm not saying there is no God; if he's there, I don't want to upset him too much. In difficult times, I kind of say, 'God, if you're out there, help me out a little'. But generally, I don't feel that God is a major part of my life."


■Observant readers may recall the name Menachem Waks. Although he is not in Leaving the Fold, he has appeared in a documentary film, Barbara Chobocky's Welcome to the Waks Family. This film, released in 2003, followed the fortunes of Melbourne's Waks clan over five years.

■The project reportedly began when Chobocky bumped into an old school friend, Sheree Waks, and asked: "How's your brother?" The brother in question was Stephen, whom Chobocky recalled as a hippy-surfer law student. But since she'd last seen him, Stephen had become a Lubavitcher Jew, changed his name to Zephaniah, married Haya and had 17 children. Oy vay!

■The Menachem who appears in the film is an Israeli soldier.

Leaving the Fold screens at Monash University, Caulfield campus, at 7.30pm. Discussion session moderated by Jan Epstein. Details:


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