Monday, April 5, 2010

Raw Thoughts - April 5, 2010

Did you watch the first hour of TNA Impact?  I'm sorry.

Starting things off on Monday Night Raw with the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger!  Swagger has suited up for the evening and it looks like he has another prepared statement for us.  Swagger may have accomplished a first here, getting heat by praising Chris Jericho, the guy he beat for the World Title, simply by saying Jericho was a better opponent than John Cena would've been... even though he got a cheap win over Jericho.  Sounds confusing, but it at least made me laugh.  While you try to wrap your brain around the sentence I just typed, speak of the devil, John Cena is here!  Cena sarcastically says he'll be sad to see Swagger go, and challenges him to a match... tonight... for the WWE Championship!  These two had a hell of a match right around this time last year, so why not have them go at it on Swagger's last night on Raw?  Swagger's apparently not interested in entertaining me tonight and says that doesn't work for him, but before he can explain why, some dude that hears voices in his head decides to show up.

Yes, Randy Orton is here and since he pinned Swagger last week, he wants a match with the new champ, but before he can elaborate, ShowMiz interrupt!?  I'm not exactly sure why they're out here, but after Miz runs his mouth, tonight's guest host, NXT's David Otunga comes to ringside.  It's like the start of every Raw in the late 90s, a ton of dudes coming constantly interrupting each other.  Otunga sets up Orton vs. Swagger and ShowMiz vs. John Cena & Batista for the Tag Titles... hey, WWE, you can't do the WrestleMania opponents forced to team up thing after WrestleMania, that just doesn't make sense!  Speaking of not making sense, Orton tries to RKO Cena, but gets shoved off and RKOs Swagger instead.  Very strange way to start the evening.

Also, David Otunga, shaving the Raw logo into your head?  What is this, 1993?  Wanna get some Vanilla Ice "steps" while you're at it?

Our opening contest for the evening is a pretty big one, Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston... poor Kofi.  Maybe he'll luck out and Triple H will interfere on his behalf?  Nasty backbreaker from Sheamus in the early goings and unsurprisingly, the Celtic Warrior is firmly in control here.  Well, so much for Triple H saving the day, Celtic Cross and this one's over, and to make matters worse, Sheamus clocks Kofi with the lead pipe he hit Triple H with last week.  Kofi just can't catch a break, can he?

Oh now Triple H is on his way, but apparently the backstage area is huge, this walk is going to take about four minutes, depending on how much airtime Taco Bell purchased this week.

We're back from commercial, but Triple H still hasn't made it to the ring.  Sheamus is on the mic, talking about his Dobel-Yeh, Dobel-Yeh, EEE Tie'ul, Shawn Michaels retiring because he didn't want to fight Sheamus, and calling out Triple H.  Finally, The Game arrives, and while Sheamus still has his lead pipe, I think Triple H might have his sledgehammer taped to his back, John McClane style.  The leather jacket comes off and... no sledge?!  Come on!  Sure, it's under the ring, but taping it to his back was way cooler.  Sheamus runs off, Triple H tells us about an ethnic stereotype I never knew existed, and I assume we'll see these two in some kind of sledgehammer and/or lead pipe match at Extreme Rules?

I like that Justin Roberts clarified that this upcoming Dressed to Impressed Divas Battle Royal is happening per order of David Otunga, it's like WWE's hoping that we won't blame anyone else for the trainwreck that's about to happen.  This is your typical rapid-fire Diva Battle Royal, with the added pain of Maryse on commentary, which is especially awful.  Eve wins and gets a Divas Championship match next week; that could actually be watchable, which would be a nice change of pace for the Raw Divas.

Unified Tag Team Titles on the line in our 10pm main event, ShowMiz vs. John Cena & Batista, hopefully this match can get Raw on track, because there really hasn't been much going on so far.  But of course, this isn't so much of a match as it's a continuation of the Cena/Batista feud.  Batista refuses a tag and walks off and Cena gets counted out trying to bring Big Dave back to the ring.  Lame.  But ShowMiz aren't getting off that easy, David Otunga lets them know that they'll have to defend the titles again later tonight against John Cena... and David Otunga!  Why not just do that in the first place?

Ted DiBiase (Jr.) is out next and is carrying the Million Dollar Championship.  You know when little kids go into their parents' closet and try on their clothes?  Sure it's cute, but the clothes don't fit.  Teddy runs his mouth a bit, but nothing you haven't heard before.  Looks like we've got a rematch from last week, with Ted taking on Christian.  Okay, if this turns into a feud and ends with Christian winning the Million Dollar Title, you'll hear no complaints from me.  This was actually a damn good match... until DiBiase won.  It makes sense in the context of the story, but Christian is above this and quite frankly, DiBiase is below this.  He always struck me as the one with potential in Legacy, but only time will tell if he's ready to strike out on his own.

Mark your calendars, the annual WWE Draft is in three weeks on April 26!  Judging by the year Raw had, it can't come soon enough.

Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton up next, and I like Swagger coming to the ring with a new demeanor since winning the World Championship, but that walk to the ring was way too much like a Randy Orton entrance.  And by "Randy Orton entrance," I mean "really boring entrance," get this kid his pyro!  In the latest episode of Kick-Out!! Radio, I asked if Randy Orton could work as a good guy, and judging by the way he's wrestling here, the answer is no.  It's not like he needs to be hitting 450 splashes or anything, but give me a reason to cheer, and the Garvin Stomp isn't it.  But hey, what do I know, the crowd's into it, so I guess that's all that matters.  I did dig the DDT, powerslam, backbreaker series of moves though, it especially got the fans fired up.  Maybe an HBK/Bret Hart five moves of doom series is what Orton needs?  Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb and Orton slithers out of it into the RKO for the win!  Beautiful finish, and maybe Orton can pull off this face turn after all.  Swagger's still champ though, but I have a feeling Orton will be paying him a visit on Friday nights once the Draft is finished.

And of course, the smarks are already all over this, "CHAMP BURIED!!!" "TRANSITIONAL CHAMP!!!" "RIP NEW STARS!" etc, because somehow losing to a six-time World Champion is an automatic burial.  Swagger looked strong in the match, and like I said, it gives Orton ammo when he moves to Smackdown, if that is in fact the direction they go in. What is there to gain if a champion beats a potential future challenger on Raw? They probably could've had Swagger get DQed or something like that and it would've worked, but the overreaction any time someone "new" loses a match is so utterly predictable. 

Main Event time! John Cena & David Otunga vs. ShowMiz for the Unified Tag Team Titles.  Decent enough action, but speaking of predictable, Otunga pulling a Batista and walking out on John Cena, leaving him to deal with Big Show's malignant fist, wasn't exactly a shocker.  Batista comes down after the match and picks the bones, but also has an announcement to make: he's invoking his rematch clause at Extreme Rules in a Last Man Standing match!  I can dig that.

Overall, not a good Raw.  I mostly enjoyed everything from Christian vs. DiBiase onward, but everything leading up to that just didn't click for me.  We're not December 09 levels of bad for Raw, but it could've been much better.  Honestly wouldn't be surprised if that's the case until the Draft though, it could be three long weeks.


  1. As a protestant from Northern Ireland, i nearly pissed myself laughing with Triple H's Irish comment! lolz!

    Oh also ...

    for the UK wrestlemania revenge tour coming up in 10 days, it's advertising that Edge and Jericho will face off for the WHC! Does that mean that swags will drop it before then?

    LOL @ Santino and getting A-List and A-team mixed up ... and the Mr T impersonation! Good stuff!

  2. As (another) Protestant from Northern Ireland, I also found it amusing.

    And in my experience advertised matches usually mean very little as far as title holders go.

  3. Yeah, when it comes to advertised matches, the most important phrase to remember is "card subject to change."

  4. Nice one matt, "dead on"!

    When Otunga announced that John Cena would have another tag partner, I had kinda hoped that it would be Darren Young, coz I am still convinced that John Cena is doing "double duty" in NXT, he just ... hmmm, changes the hue of his epidermis! lol!

    Anyway, could you have imagined if John Cena and Batista would have been tag champs together?


  5. Yes, i think that Ted DiBiase was the underdog winning tonight, and I certainly think that Christian deserves better than he is getting right now! ... gosh!

    Ted needs a hug! Gosh, next thing he's gonna look like a goth and he'll be moving to TNA to fued with Shannon Moore! lol!

    Yes, if Christian won the M$ title, it would be cool, but I'd rather be marking over christian VS edge for the WHC, but maybe that's just me!


  6. This RAW was definitely boring for me that I even checked out TNA. Neither show really interested me. I'm curiously to see how Swagger handles this reign. I feel like he has the chance to be big but perhaps it's a bit premature. Similar to when Orton first won the title.

  7. What happened to the Bella Twins' title shot?!

    Curse WWE and their lack of continuity.