Hypersexuality in Bipolar Disorder



I’ve long said that society discusses human sexuality less than bipolar disorder. I don’t mean pop culture sex talk, but openly and frankly discussing sex. Despite using half-naked models to advertise pretty much anything, we seem remarkably unwilling to discuss the sexual health of said models. As a society, we are uncomfortable discussing sexual matters in general, and sexual education is a hotly debated topic in every school district in America.

Since collectively we can’t decide what the healthy (or normal) sexual appetite is, it makes it difficult to determine exactly what is unhealthy (or abnormal). Determining exactly when a person’s sexual appetite becomes problematic is a matter of personal preference. However, there are behaviors, feelings, and compulsions that clearly indicate a person has crossed a line.

I’ve been hypersexual

My name is Gabe and I’ve been hypersexual. If that phrasing sounds familiar, it’s because the compulsion, the need, and the obsession feel much the same as those felt by drug addicts and alcoholics.

I am nothing if not open about living with bipolar disorder. I am not providing the results of a study on bipolar and hyper-sexuality (you can find one here, if you’d like), but explaining to you what it feels like to be hypersexual.

Hypersexuality, like all illnesses and disorders, exists on a spectrum and people experience like things in different ways. My favorite ice cream is vanilla, and my wife’s favorite ice cream is chocolate. Neither one of us is eating the “correct” flavor, but we are both eating (experiencing) ice cream.

What it feels like to be hypersexual

Back in 2001, I experienced my longest bout with hypersexuality.  No matter how often I had sex, it wasn’t enough. I didn’t realize this was not a normal state. This was before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so I was unaware my feelings were abnormal.

Hypersexuality is about quantity, not quality. Given the limitations of the male body, this involves a lot of time and can became physically uncomfortable, but the compulsion to continue outweighed the pain. I could not sleep, move, or focus on a task until I was finished.

The unsettling part is that there was no true satisfaction in this. I wasn’t connecting with anyone or even enjoying myself. I was unable to stop and the desire to complete the act was more important than anything – or anyone. The need for sex was so great that I sought out unhealthy and emotionally damaging physical encounters, lied to the people around me, and took unsafe and unnecessary risks. Nothing was more important than quieting the biological urge that was controlling me.

Hindsight is 20/20 and I can assure you that there was no amount of sex, no type of sex, or no specific person to satisfy my cravings. The disorder gripped me entirely and the aftermath of my decisions left me empty. Trying to satisfy the urges created by hypersexuality is like firing rubber bands at the stars – you may feel like you are achieving something, but eventually you get frustrated, and the stars remain untouched.

What hypersexuality is not and where to find help


If a person is taking risks, missing school or work, and/or shirking responsibilities because sex has become more important than personal responsibility, these are telltale signs of hypersexuality. Bottom line: if a person’s reason for having sex is because they are compelled to, then there is most likely something going on. Sex is not supposed to be a chore, but fun and intimate. It can be personal or shared and take many forms, but when it crosses the line from pleasure to compulsion, something is amiss.

Hypersexuality can also be a symptom of bipolar disorder. It is no different from mania, depression, or lack of focus. Some parts of bipolar disorder can be controlled through experience, hard work, and therapy, and other parts need medication. Report your symptoms to a health care professional, including the sexual urges described above.

People living with bipolar disorder, like myself, often talk about the stigma of living with this disease. Let’s not stigmatize the symptoms of bipolar disorder further by refusing to discuss or disclose them. There is no shame in any symptom of any disease. It is okay to discuss hypersexuality; it’s a shame not to seek help.

About the author
Gabe Howard is a professional speaker, award-winning writer, and mental health coach who battles bipolar 1 and anxiety disorders every day. Diagnosed in 2003, he has made it his mission to put a human face on what it means to live with bipolar disorder. Gabe was the recipient of the 2014 Mental Health America Norman Guitry Award, placed second in HealthCentral's LiveBold competition, a Psych Central 2014 Mental Health hero, was a 2015 WEGO Health Awards Finalist in the Health Activist Category, and received a Best of the Web - Blog award. Gabe is also the creator of the official bipolar shirt. He can be reached via his website or by e-mail [email protected]
  1. hypersexuality. my biggest , most secret demon. it def takes a toll on you, i had sex with multiple men in one night and it wasnt enough after i was done with them i played with my toy to cum again , it wasnt enough, nobody knows, and never will. it haunts me how low i allowed it to take me, like a girl above me said, i wasnt getitng paid, i wasnt a prostitute but i def was doing prostitute things, in cars, outside, in spouses beds KNOWINGLY , i control it now but its not easy nor do i think it will ever be. but good coping skills are available its just actually putting the to use.

    im bipolar 1 , borderline personality disorder, and im a sex addict, recovering. we all can and we all will recover. good luck!

  2. I experienced hypersexuality during an especially intense bout of mania. It started off innocently enough, I thought. I was feeling good cuz I’d just gotten a new job and had some extra cash, was horny and hadn’t been on a date in a while. So I posted an ad on Craigslist, requesting a Dutch dinner date, followed by sharing a room if the chemistry was right. This spiraled into sex with multiple Craigslist strangers in hotel rooms and I’m so lucky nothing had happened to me. No stds, not raped or murdered. To this day I cannot think of a good reason for having done that, and thats because there isn’t one. I was just compelled to engage in risky behavior and sex was what I chose. I wasn’t enjoying myself. The men I had sex with were usually not very good at it, or attractive. They weren’t paying me, I wasn’t a prostitute.

    I’m not ashamed of what I did. I’ve always believed in safe, sane and consensual sex, and I don’t think being sexual is a shameful thing. I also know that I was being driven by my illness. But I do know now that what I was doing was unhealthy and dangerous. I learned a lot about myself and my illness from this experience, such as triggers and signs and symptoms of impending mania.

    All we can do is learn from it and roll with it, I guess.

  3. Thank you. You have helped to give me the words to articulate what has been a mystery for me to put into words.




  5. Freind s
    I have had bipolar all my life they finally diagnosed me at 40 by that time my life was a bad mess I started having sex as a teenager ran away have been married 4 times used sex as a game or tool to play with people messed me up and the other people to have been in and out of drug rehab and mental hospitals I am 55 and just now on the right meds what a night mare my life has been bipolar is so hard to understand and live with but that’s what I have to do so here we are I’m better now living with a wonderful man that understands thank you lord

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