14 Slightly Dickhead Stuff That You Can Only Say to Your Best Friend

Friends are cool and stuff, but lezbehonest, you can only be your true weird psycho self with a best friend. Who else can you hate on everybody with, be a hoe without judgement, and plan the demise of your ex boyfriend with your best friend being all like, I’ll bail you outta jail.

A best friend is the only person in the world you can be inappropriate with because she just gets you, and knows underneath your crazy sense of humor is just mad love. Her crazy matches your crazy.

1. A friend will respectfully accept that you “can’t drink tonight.”

A best friend will tell you to stfu.

2. Your friend when she sees you being a hoe: "Omg you should take is slow, don’t sleep with them yet."

Best friend: Cause my best friend finna, she finna, uh, go best friend, that's my best friend, that's my best friend

3. Your best friend when someone tries to stop you from taking another shot:

“don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”

4. You never feel fully comfortable telling your friend about your slutty phase. You know inside she’ll be judging the shit out of you. 

Your best friend on the other hand: Have a slutty phase, it builds character.

5. You: Omg I know it’s been a while but look what he just texted me! Friend: Omg that’s so romantic. He’s so into you. He was just scared.

Best friend: Yeah, he just likes you so much that he had to be away from you for three months to process all his overwhelming emotions, because you know, he likes you that much. 

6. You with a friend: "maybe I shouldn't say this, she'll think I'm weird"

Best friend: *takes weirdness to a whole other level* 

7. You: But we had a connection... *sniffle* Friend: *listens to you for hours as you talk about that loser*

Best friend: Omg If Jennifer Aniston can get over brad fucking pitt then you can get over that fuckboy that doesn't even deserve a handshake from you. We’ll find you a guy who you'll like 100x better. With a bigger banana.

8. Friend: Life is too short to date the wrong guy.

Best Friend: Life is too short to pretend you don’t like getting choked during sex.

9. A friend will never embarrass you.

A best friend will remember everything: the time you tripped outside the club, when you go so drunk you dance battled a homeless man and then got more drunk and had to concrete on not dying. No joke is off limits. She IS laughing at you. But that’s because she loves you.

10. Best friend when you get a boyfriend:

Haha I’m not going anywhere. Sorry. We’re a package deal. 

11. You: So I met this amazing guy at the club.

Best Friend: Haha no you didn’t. You: wtf I did. You (two days later): Never mind.

12. A friend will never bother you.

A best friend will write, hey you dickhead fucking answer me! and text you 40 times in a row with no shame. She'll also send you nakey selfies being all like, "Is this hot enough to send to him?"

13. “Don’t tell anyone what I just told you.” You: “No no of course not never.”

*Copy* *Paste entire conversation to best friend*

14. A friend will ask you if she can come over.

A best friend will ask you and then follow it up with, okay good cause I’m already outside your door.

Share the love with your best friend: