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Bad character? Top tips to learn to control your emotions

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Bad character– Do you feel that you smoke when you go over time and your car is in the middle of traffic? Or that the blood pressure increases when your child refuses to listen and obey? Anger is a normal and healthy emotion, as long as you know how to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger on your part can affect your health as well as your relationships with others.

Think before you speak

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In the heat of the moment, it is easy to say something that you will later regret. Take a few moments to sort your thoughts before saying anything, and allow the rest of the people involved in the situation to do the same.

Once you have calmed down, express your anger

As soon as you begin to think clearly, express your frustration firmly, but without confrontation. Explain what your concerns and needs are clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.


a bad character

Physical activity can help reduce stress and control irritability. If you feel that some situation bothers you too much, go for a brisk walk, run, or start practicing any other physical activity that you enjoy.

Isolate for a while

The technique of temporary isolation is not just for children. Take short breaks during times of the day that are often stressful for you. Spending a quiet time can make you feel better prepared and handle better what you have pending, without irritation or anger.

Identify possible solutions

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Instead of focusing on what annoyed you, try to solve the problem you are facing. Does the disorder drive you crazy in your child’s room? Close the door. Does your partner arrive late every night for dinner? Set the dinner time later or come to an agreement where they will eat together only a few times a week. Remember that the anger will not fix anything and could make the situation worse.

Always speak in the first person and say “I”

To avoid criticizing or blaming (this may only increase tension), speak first-person when you explain the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say: “I am angry because you got up from the table without offering to help with the dishes”, instead of saying “You never do anything in the house”.

Do not keep resentment

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Forgiveness is something very powerful. If you let anger or other negative feelings crowd out positive ones, you can be absorbed by your own bitterness or a sense of injustice. But if you can forgive who made you angry, maybe you both learn something about the situation. You can not expect everyone to react or think exactly how you want.

Use humor to release tension

Resuming the issue seriously can help disperse the tension. Let your sense of humor help you face what is angering you and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have of how things should go. However, avoid sarcasm, because it could hurt feelings and make things worse.

Practice relaxation techniques

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When your character comes out, put your relaxation capacity to work. Practice deep breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene and repeat some tranquilizing word or phrase, such as “take it easy”. You could also listen to music, write a diary or do some yoga, whatever you need to encourage relaxation.

Learn when you should seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone. Consider seeking help if, in the face of a problem, you feel that your character is out of control, it moves you to do things that you regret or hurt those around you.

Bad character… what destroys everything! Watch out.

The character of the person is formed from childhood and if you ask me: is it possible to change it in adulthood? Well, I think it is very difficult to change the character of a person. Many relationships have been strengthened by the type of character of one towards the other; but, in other cases, the results are not always the same. I have seen failures in couples because they have not come to congeniality or tolerate or even worse to understand each other in privacy.

Bad character destroys everything. And it does not matter if it is justified or believed to be right to explode full of anger, because who gets angry easily can do crazy and in the worst case in that lack of control: insults, offends or even comes to mistreat regardless of love. Then calm down, ask for forgiveness … but the damage is done. And so, little by little, both die the desire to continue wanting.

The causes of bad temper can be diverse. They range from work, health, financial, family or social problems and even details such as sleeping badly. Any uncomfortable situation that is not communicated is propitious for bad faces to abound and silences to be noticed.

Can bad character be changed?

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It is frequent that, to justify certain behaviors, we hear or that we ourselves use expressions like “they are things of his personality”, “he is like that”, “with the age he has can not change anymore” or “it is that I am like that” . Is all this true or rather are they comfortable positions to save yourself the effort of changing the bad temper? Can we change when we are pessimistic or lazy or melancholic or little lovers of relating to each other or very confident? Is it possible that, in a couple in which there are conflicts, both can modify their bad character?

Temperament and character

It is difficult to define why we are like this or in another way. That is, why we are envious or tolerant or capricious or angry or paranoid or dependent or obsessive, just to give some examples. The person is the result of a confluence of forces and circumstances: from the genetic charge to the relationship with the most influential figures, parents, going through the city where we have lived, the culture we breathe and even the teachers we had, as well as friends, family and a long list of situations that have shaped how we are.

To that genetic part, which is like the inheritance of the personality, but still can not identify, we call it temperament. The rest of the cultural factors, relationships, psychological etc. are responsible for the character.

you can change the bad characterizing short, we are the result of our temperament and our character. The temperament is immovable, but the character is possible its modification . The latter is like the sign of identity and the external manifestation of each one of us, knowing that all this process does not occur passively, but that each person elaborates in different ways the same reality or experience. This would explain the different way of being and behaving of two mono zygotic twin brothers, who with the same genetic load and similar psychological and social experiences, have different behaviors. The character, then, represents the originality of each one of us; the character is what makes me different and unrepeatable. As one psychiatrist said, “character is what we do when nobody is watching us” .

The personality is therefore a dynamic organization that defines the behavior and thinking of each individual, therefore it is a process that can be modified throughout the life of each individual, especially because it has an adaptive characteristic, so that the person is trying to maintain a feeling of well-being. Each of us has a self-concept that reflects the image we have of ourselves. Personality, then, is the result of nature and learning.

What prevents us from changing the bad character

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Only the ‘gods’ are immutable, because they have the fullness. On the contrary, the human being is essentially change and in him is where he finds the way of progress ; especially the more structural change leads us to “grow psychologically” and enable the full development of all faculties. It is true that every change supposes the possibility of success, but it is also impregnated with the shadow of failure .  The decision then swings between being or not being, but it is always a window open to hope, to the possibilities of going from “less” to “more”.

However, at the crossroads of personal change, the human being can be trapped and static, mired in indecision , for many different reasons. Here are the most frequent:


“The bad known is better than the good to know,” we usually say, in an attempt to explain our decision not to change jobs, couples or homes. But what underlies this situation is the fear “chaos” that can occur with the turn to one side or another. Sometimes, we think that even if we are wrong, the opposite can be worse. But this is false. Often, the good comes as a counterpoint to a conflict situation .


“Do not give the arm to twist” is synonymous with maintaining a criterion or an idea against all odds, as a way to maintain a supposed authority. It is as if change is synonymous with weakness and insecurity, when reality can be very different: “change is wise”, on the contrary, rigidity and arrogance is the heritage of the weakest .


It’s as if everything new is negative; It is believed that the unforeseen, the spontaneous is a source of suffering (a medical test, a trip without planning, etc.) and that is why the peace and tranquility of the known is sought, but it is not so. Also the new (modify our behavior, be more participatory, etc.) can be helpful for the subject, although momentarily breaks the personal, family or social balance . This last possibility can be a springboard to continue growing psychologically.


In this case, the solution is set to ‘something higher’. What will change my way of being will then depend on what the tarot tells me, the ‘magic powers’, science or God himself. If we believe that the solution to our problems will rain down from ‘above’, we will never put the means to change and feel healthier, happier. This idea that “salvation comes from outside us” will only lead us to immobility and not to put the means to make change possible. This is what happens to the incurable or not, who abandons himself to the fate of the healer, to his faith in God or to possible future scientific research, without putting the real means, “here and now”, which he has in his hand to mitigate their pain and try to heal. We can not be so naive as to think that happiness can depend on a “stroke of luck” or extraterrestrial forces.

Steps to change the bad character

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I believe that every person, especially in childhood and youth, has the ability to change their attitude to life and change the aspects of their personality that cause more rejection or discomfort.


The first step is that the subject becomes aware of his deficiency and has a clear and clear desire to change the bad character. He must confirm that his way of being (dependent, introverted, jealous, etc.) is a source of suffering for himself and others. This is the essential premise for the change to occur.


The changes can not occur from morning to night (here we can remember the saying: “dress me slowly I’m in a hurry”, an excess of anxiety to change can block us and also surprise our family and friends). The rush to modify our behavior can cause a brake on our desire for change.


Third, psychological help should be sought if we can see that we can not change the bad temper by ourselves , especially when the features of our personality are so pronounced that they become a psychic disorder proper. In this case, the request for help does not mean deficiency, but rather the assumption that we do not have the necessary strength to achieve the proposed change.


And in fourth, and last place, the change should not be to look like so-and-so or little Manitoba, but to develop to the maximum the possibilities that each one has . “It’s always better to be an original evil, than a good copy”, as you usually like to explain to an old friend of mine.

Finally, however, often the bad character can be a symptom of a depression and must be taken into account, because that signal is an alert that indicates that something is not right, especially in them who are more difficult to communicate their feelings. How to be happy as a couple? Learn to laugh together, be friends, accomplices, cronies and good lovers. Both must protect themselves, take care of themselves, be tolerant and work to sow joy in their family.

When these situations arise in the couple’s relationship, it is important to recognize what is happening and to try to control the level of stress that causes it. Before exploding or reacting, breathe deeply, this will fill you with calm and serenity.

Wait for the time to pass and when you no longer feel so angry, come back. This way, it does not hurt others nor its annoyance will cause you to commit some madness that everyone laments, including you. Learning to control these moments of tension or anger, will be key to the effective coexistence in a couple and the social environment that surrounds them.




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