Saturday, June 15, 2013

Things I Didn’t Get Around to Blogging About

Sorry guys. It’s been a rough few months. This is as far as I can take the following stray thoughts. It may be as far as they ought to be taken.
  • The default “Caucasian” skin for both Legos and The Simpsons is the exact same shade of yellow. (meaningful?)
  • The weirdly high number of redheaded women on The Office
  • Unless I’m mistaken, you are not legally obligated to give your food truck a pun name. Also, most of the good puns are used up by now.
  • Good name for a spring break-centered horror movie: Muerto Rico
  • Who the hell let whodunit become a word?
  • Perfect Strangers reconceived as a Skinemax porn (you would not have to change the title)
  • Rhoda Morgenstern was the first Jewish person I ever encountered, and I’ve compared every Jewish person I met to her. (Is that anti-Semitic?)
  • Good name for a linguistically savvy drag queen = Rosetta Stone
  • Good name for a Golden Girls-inspired drag queen = Veranda Lanai.
  • It’s inconceivable but somewhere, somehow, a person in the world is scrolling through their iPhone and saying, “You know, I really feel like listening to a Black Eyed Peas song. I feel I have not heard them enough in my life so far.”
  • Squatters’ rights = finders, keepers? Or squatter’s rights > finders, keepers
  • Horses poop while walking. Impressive? Efficient? Rude? All of these?
  • Behind the Candelabra is a stupid title because it’s super easy to see behind a candelabra. You just look at them. They’re spindly. You don’t need, like, special access to get around them. Only the smallest of humans can hide behind a candelabra. (Maybe missed the time window on this one?)
  • Word that is not used enough despite obvious comedic potential: assayer
  • Bumper sticker that every public media fundraiser should have = “MAJOR DONORS give me MAJOR BONERS”
  • Samantha Mathis (who is this person?)
  • Why does English have the term o-ring?
  • Why does autocorrect know the word cockrocket? Whom have I been texting that to?
You know how you can collect a bunch of soap shards and mash them into a ball and then you’re like “Oh, hey, new soap”? That’s kind of what I was hoping I’d do here and magically make content.

Yeah, sorry.


  1. Maybe Matt Groening and the Lego creator happened to have the same crayon on hand.

    1. Or they were eating Kraft mac & cheese at the time.

  2. Drew, I love your brain.

  3. Anonymous2:00 AM

    Actually, the yellow skintone of all non-licensed LEGO minifigures is not meant to reference any specific race. This 2008 Gizmodo did with LEGO goes into a bit more detail:

    "Why there are no black minifigs?
    When the minifigure was first introduced 30 years ago, it was given the iconic yellow skin tone to reflect the non-specific and transcendental quality of a child's imagination. In 2002, as more licensed properties were added to the assortment, the decision was made to introduce ethnic and skin tones more in keeping with the actual characters and personalities who were being replicated. This included the introduction of black minifigures. However, these ethnic minifigures are only used in our licensed sets, all Lego playthemes continue to use the generic yellow face."