Offspring : The Narcissist and Children



I have detailed previously why it is that we regard the act of impregnation as a material asset in the narcissistic armoury. It is not only the promise of impregnation, but the act itself and what this act creates that produces a whole host of benefits for our kind. This is the approach adopted by numerous of our kind, those who see children as additional appliances from whom fuel can be drawn, pawns to be used in the repeated triangulations which can be orchestrated with the primary source and the method by which we are able to claim the achievements and the accomplishments of our issue as our own. Not all of our kind adopt that approach. There are those of us who regard the idea of offspring as a threat and a hindrance to our agendas.

Why would we want someone to come along and steal our limelight? From the moment a child is born it is sufficiently pathetic that it requires nigh on twenty four hour assistance. It cannot walk, it cannot feed itself, it cannot clothe itself or wash itself. It must be tended for on a repeated basis. If you were to look to us to do this, you would find that there would not be any assistance forthcoming. Not only are we notorious in our desire to shirk menial tasks (unless we see that there is some considerable benefit in us doing so) but we do not see why we should have our needs pushed to one side in order to facilitate the care of another. Even though that child is a product of our loins, there are those of our kind who adopt such a view. You ought not to be surprised by that. We behave the same with our parents, siblings and wider relatives. We are like that with friends of both short and long-standing duration and naturally we behave in such a way with the person we supposedly love, our intimate partner. Why then would you expect anything different from us in respect of a child. In such circumstances therefore, the decision not to have children would be regarded as a blessing I am sure by your kind. We could not countenance that all of the emotional attention would be directed and fixated on such a helpless being. Here we are, magnificent and brilliant and you choose to direct your fuel to somebody else. That is an insult indeed to us and a mighty criticism which would wound us considerably.

Our resources would also be sought for this new arrival. Time, energy, finances and so forth. We regard our resources as ours alone and begrudge sharing them, unless such largesse brings additional reward for us. This selfishness is necessary in order to preserve ourselves and the fact that a child needs our resources is not going to change that mind set. We do not do anything just for the sake of doing so. There must be an ulterior motive to our actions. Pouring our resources towards somebody who will be oblivious to this for some time is not something that finds favour with some of our kind.

From your perspective we know you regard us as selfish for behaving this way. We regard it as self-preservation. You are the givers and the carers, we are not. If you wish to judge us for adopting such a stance, so be it, but for those of our kind who regard the issue of children as something to be avoided, that position is most unlikely to alter. We see only loss. Loss of our resources and loss of our fuel. Whilst some of our kind regard the additional benefits which can be derived from having children (the binding of the primary source, additional fuel provision, potential for traits and triangulation etc.) as worth obtaining despite the likelihood of reduced fuel from the primary source and reduced resources, there are also those from our ranks who assess the situation and decide it is not a price they wish to pay.

What is behind that? Why is it that some of our number opt to have children and others refrain from doing so? I cannot offer a definitive answer, although I consider, from my experience and those that I have engaged with that the proportion of our kind who decide to have children is greater than those who do not. I suspect the temptations of further fuel provision and triangulation prove quite the draw. It also highly likely that the idea of securing our legacy through children proves attractive as well. Seeing our own image and knowing that it will, more likely than not, outlive our mortal selves, does appeal to the need to maintain our idea of omnipotence. See how mighty we are that our influence lives on in our offspring and will do so in their own as our dynasty is forged. Such a notion does provide its own appeal.

What of me? What tipped the balance for me so that I opted to remain child-free in order to remain light on my feet, unhindered and fully-resourced. Was it the factors I have described above which caused me to decide that having children was not for me? In part yes, although I readily admit that the other elements and benefits from having issue are attractive. No, whilst I weighed up these various benefits and disadvantages it was something from my past which proved to be the deciding factor. It was something that has resonated with me for some time and something that somehow buried deep inside me and stayed there for a while until I decided to act on it and made my decision as to my destiny in respect of children. The idea of seeing those in my own image wending their way through the world and following in my footsteps was a strong pull, a strong pull indeed, but ultimately it came down to something else. This may be applicable to others of our kind as well, but for me the decision came down to this.

I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.

Those words will never be forgotten.



  1. I think he is referring to his mother. I am definitely fearful of having children because I don’t want to be reminded of my childhood.

  2. Everytime I see this photo, it does remind me of my daughter when she is with her Narcissist Father.
    She is 3 years old. He’s somatic, and appearances are important to him. By appearance, I mean, she wears designer dresses already, and either I do her hair, or she professionally gets it done. She already has a tablet to watch YouTube shows, while with him. Sometimes hours on end. It creates a zombie affect with her. Her eyes look as dead as his. Today its father day, and she facetime me, “Mommy pick me up. He’s always angry.” They literally both resent eachother, but he wont give up his possession.

    1. It is hard and I am sorry. The kids saw their dad be abhorrent to me today. Little did he know the evidence keeps piling up—he was audio taped as there are court issues at hand and it’s a one person consent state. It’s painful as the kids see/hear it, live it. I’m so sorry.

      1. Claire,
        I also live in a one person consent state. You are right, the evidence does keep piling up, but the courts do not have time to look through EVERYTHING. Currently, I am looking into hiring an Expert Witness to look over my evidence, and testifying in court vs presenting everything piece by piece. You might need to look into the same thing

        1. I love that idea because he is so unaware I can roll him over. Recordings are for a complicated matter if needed for now..

          1. Create a structured outline with the “best interest factors of your state”. Dont just present the conflict or narcissism. Your ex can easily blame shift that onto you

          2. I think the N word is always best to avoid. Utter innocent almost confusion with a humble description of behavior which leads the expert down the path is likely a better approach. (Depending)
            Things are so complex now that I’m a wreck— I have a storm to get out of. He is so absolutely ridiculous though that I’m confident I have his balls in my hand. He actually complained to the kids that I “looked up” his girlfriends brother. (Criminal) I never told him how I knew of his new comrades past—he guessed based on a scenario.
            Well—after looking at the brothers picture who wouldn’t at least be curious what genetic issues were percolating. The guy looks like his mom was gassed by chemicals in a field while he was gestating. 🤷🏼‍♀️

  3. Is the “you” in this scenario (at the very end) your mother? Or the IPPS who had your children?

      1. I understand that. You’ve said that several times. My question is if you feel having children would be a constant reminder of an IPPS? Or if you would not want to repeat the abuse of your mother?

  4. HG, speaking of Father’s Day. Thank you for being such a great mentor to me and all of us. While you are not a father, you have been ‘father-like’ in that mentoring sense in more words than I can say.

    You do a great job running this blog and wading through our comments–that takes a patience that I don’t have.

    You have certainly given me better advice than my own father. I think I speak for others, too. But your hard work and accomplishments certainly do not go overlooked.

    Happy Fathering-Mentor Day!

  5. Oh dear. Did that person tell you you would do the same to your children, HG?
    Are those the words that will never be forgotten?
    Oh dear.

Vent Your Spleen!
