Sunday, January 11, 2009

Crack Pipe Agility

This is Frankie.
This is his crack pipe.

And this is why I'm contemplating quitting agility.

You do everything you can to be a good parent. You spend quality time with your kids, you teach them important life skills, you are there for them when they need to talk. You spend your hard earned money making sure they go to the right schools and have the best gear. And how do they repay you?

By hitting the crack pipe, that's how!

I don't know who Frankie's supplier is or how he manages to light the lighter with no thumbs, but there is no denying that my dog is a frickin' crackhead.

In the past six months, Frankie has shown tremendous improvement at agility class. He's been known to be something of wild child, running around like a man on fire every chance he gets, especially at trials. I've tried everything to combat this tendency and have finally found moderate success. The new trick is to have Frankie take the first obstacle of the course and then immediately command him into a sit. Then we start up again and finish the course. It calms down the zoomies and has been working like magic (ok, not highly accomplished-Vegas show type of magic, but at least like impressive amateur magic). I've been getting good runs out of him at every class and every practice. All of this success instilled in me a heart-soaring feeling of optimism that maybe THIS weekend would be the weekend that we could get a few Qs.

Cue the trial. Bring in the crack pipe.

As soon as that dog gets to the start line, you see all the classic signs. First his eyes glaze over. Seriously, they do. Then you notice the increased energy and intense euphoria as he tears around the course taking any and every jump and tunnel. Whee!! See him fly off the A-frame! See him fly off the dog walk! He's having more fun than any dog you've ever seen. And he is completely Out. Of. Control.

After the crack high, you always get the crash. All of the "crash" signs are evident as well: anxiety, severe depression, irritability, extreme fatigue. Evident in me anyway.

After 5 out of 5 crack-runs, I packed it up and quit for the weekend, taking with me some severe depression, anxiety, and fatigue.

This weekend sucked.


Elaine said...

There are support groups for mother's of drug addicted...dogs? I'm sure of it. But your story is fabulously written and hilarious! Does that perk you up?

2halves said...

Oh no, I've started a trend...

Quit While You're Behind

He's really stressy, huh? What is your routine before a run? Play some ball? Do some tricks? Use the practice jump? Have you considered running him FEO?

Sorry about the bummer of a weekend. If he likes running so much, lure coursing, perhaps? :-)

Vickie said...

You mustn't give up!! It's been a while since you've been to a trial. A trial situation is so different from a class situation. It's not a crack high he's getting -- it's an adrenaline high! Try some of those Mellow Mutt treats that Sheryl used to use. :) And then some Valium, either for you or for Frankie.