funny amazon

Weird Stuff I Found On Amazon

Let's be honest, stores are lame. You can get everything you want nowadays just by hopping on the computer and pressing a couple buttons. Actually, that's too complicated. You can simply swipe around your phone screen for a few minutes and order those fresh, new kicks you've been wanting.

There's lots of cool stuff to find on the interwebs today and it's all available to arrive at your doorstep in two days thanks to Amazon. But there's also just a sh*t ton of crazy products that you never knew existed but now realize you can't live without. Here's some of the weird stuff I've found while shopping on Amazon... 


1. A Gross Egg Seperator 

Mr. Sniffles Egg Separator, $15, Amazon

What the hell is this thing? Well... it's the best damn egg separator money can freakin' buy, you guys. This sniffling ceramic separator will give you the cleanest egg whites you'd ever want to sneeze into a pan! Also doubles as a gravy boat and gravy is my favorite food.

In case you couldn't figure it out, egg yolks look like snot. Just making sure you knew that...

2. This Goop Cleans Crevices 

WannaBi Sticky Gel Dust Cleaner, $6, Amazon

Are you ready for this jelly? If you got crud in your keys, you need this slime to get out the grime. This time it's ok to have a sticky keyboard, you guys. 


3. Squishy Bread Holds Your Phone 

Outus Squishy Charms toy Bread CellPhone Holder, $6, Amazon

Tired of having squishy bread on your desk that doesn't hold your phone? Well, you're in luck, pal! This thing does just that! It also makes for an awesome stress ball that springs back into shape after every squeeze. Stop thinking of boobs... It also smells like bread. Whaaaaaaaat!?!

4. Wolf Pee Pee For Pests

Predator Pee - 100% Wolf Urine, $35, Amazon

It's a bottle of wolf piss. So what? Big deal. Never bought wolf pee before? There's no better way to organically deter pests from creepin' up in your hood than by spraying some wolf piddle around your yard. You've heard of eye of the tiger... here's bladder of the wolf. 

5. This Hair Brush Is A Secret Flask

Binocktails Bev-Brush Secret Flask, $19, Amazon

There's no better way to untangle your hair whilst simultaneously tangling up your brain. It holds six ounces of hooch and comes with a funnel. Look good while getting turnt, you guys.  


6. Make Your Hot Dogs More Flavorful

Slotdog, $18, Amazon

Fellas, if you want to make your wiener taste better, put your dog in this slot. Not only does The Slotdog give your hot dog awesome dragon scales, it keeps it from exploding and allows your frank to absorb as much grill flavor as possible. Like most people, my favorite flavor is grill. 

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7. Dry Your Dog In A Bag?

Puff-N-Fluff Dog Dryer, $40, Amazon

This is... but... what in the... this can't...

Well, apparently, this exists. Getting your pup dry is now easier than ever. Just blow him... with a blow dryer. 

8. You Had One Job... Cut The Corn

Chef'n Corn Cob Stipper, $6, Amazon

Even though corn can be easily obtained without a cob in this day and age, some people still want to do it themselves. This handy dandy tool allows you to strip corn in the blink of an eye. If you're looking for this important chef's tool to do anything else, you're going to have a bad time. It strips corn. That's all it does. Brass poles aren't the only thing useful for stripping anymore. 

9. Spray That Poo Smell Away Today! 

Squatty Potty Unicorn gold Toilet Spray, $15, Amazon

Unicorns don't exist, but after you spray this stuff on your turd water, neither will the smell of poo. The bottle might look small, but it'll keep your dookie clouds beneath the waterline up to 200 times. No need to feel embarrassed after dropping your kids off at the pool. You should still wash your hands though... 

10. These Slippers Clean Your Floors

Evriholder Slipper Genie Microfiber, $12, Amazon

Let's face it... Sweeping floors is stupid and everyone hates it. But wearing a nice pair of comfy slippers is pretty cool. Now you can do something you hate while doing something you love. Finally, you can clean your floors just by going to the kitchen to heat up a frozen burrito. The future is now, people!