Thursday, July 3, 2008


So, Dalton's dad tells me yesterday that he's moving to Houston by the 1st of August. I already knew he was planning on coming down here, and approved it since Dalton misses him so much. But I didn't expect it so quickly. I keep thinking that I shouldn't be nervous...that Brian has done his time, paid his fines, has done everything the judge has told him to do, and hasn't slipped or messed up far as I can tell anyways.

But it's hard to forget what happened. Few people know, because it's not something that I run around telling people about. Let's just say it was sufficiently bad enough to make me leave Ohio pretty much overnight with my VP's help. I don't think I've ever been so grateful to a person as I was to Chad and Maegan at that point in time! I'm just happy that Dalton was too young to remember anything. Brian really, really has cleaned up his act, and I'm comfortable with letting him be a dad again. And I really don't think that he'd ever repeat the mistake that he made again. But I can't help having the what-ifs.

Honestly, I think my main what-if is worrying about Dalton forgetting about me and wanting to be with his dad. He sees him so little, that every time he does, the two of them are inseparable. Brian kept Dalton the week Dean and I were on our honeymoon, and every time I called, Dalton didn't even want to talk to me. I chalked it up to him having so much fun that he was too busy, and it didn't really bother me. I was actually happy that he wasn't feeling abandoned. lol And it still doesn't bother me...but, what if it happens again when Brian is here permanently? I know that the first couple of weeks, Dalton will be attached to his what if afterwards he'd rather be with Brian all the time?

I know I'm not the first mother to split time with their child's father, and I won't be the last, but I haven't had to deal with that. Period. Dalton is 4 and I've had sole (although not by a judge's rule) custody of him the whole time. I've never had to share. *sigh* I know I'm whining. I guess I'm just in a weird mood today.