Thursday, January 31, 2013

It's hard for us too - Opening up


I've started and abandoned this post many times. Here goes.

I am opening up about a subject that has been very sensitive for me. The more children I have had, the harder it is for me to talk about the miscarriages. Because of the number of children I have, some people are very insensitive about the subject at this point. "Maybe God is telling you that you have enough.", "You've probably hurt your body having so many already." (The fact is, I'm healthy and there is no reason I can't have more.), "You have so many already. You probably should just stop anyway.", "At least you have a bunch of kids already." on and on and on... Then of course there are the people who disagree with you having a large family to begin with, that like to twist the knife.

The reality is, it's hard for us too. It's hard, even when you already have children. It's hard, even when you have several children. When you really want another child and you lose a pregnancy, it hurts. Period.

I've been SO fortunate to have the children that I do. I love them more than anything and they are my entire world. I know how lucky I am. I know there are women who ache for even one child and I hurt for them.

My husband and I want more children. I'm not saying we want 20 of them, but I know we want at least 1 or 2 more. Over the years we have had a few miscarriages. They were all early, so I have been very fortunate to not experience late term miscarriages. I imagine they are harder to deal with for many reasons. They still take a toll emotionally, though. It's still so sad to see those positive tests, to be excited and starts thinking about names and all of the exciting things that come with a new baby... and then lose that baby. It's so sad

My last miscarriage was almost a year ago. A year ago today, I got the first set of positive pregnancy tests. I got positives for a few more days after and then I started bleeding. We have been wanting another baby and despite it being early, it was still sad. I didn't tell anyone at all, at first. Then I told a few family members and friends after a while. My husband never told anyone. While I was experiencing the miscarriage, 2 women who I had thought were "friends", were publicly harassing me over my desire to have more children. They are nasty people and I'll never forget how much worse they made me feel.

I was sad. I'm still sad. I think it's harder to "get over" when you keep it to yourself like it's a dirty secret. 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so why does is still have such a stigma? Why does it have an even bigger stigma when you already have a few children? I think opening up about it is the only way for it to get better. It's hard going through it with no support. It feels lonely.

It's hard for us too. Even those of us with 6 children.


StaceyN said...

Oh Hun I'm so sorry. *hugs* No matter how many children you have losing one will always hurt. Whether that child is born or not it is STILL your baby and still hard to lose. I don't care if you have 100 children! If you can love them and take care of them you can have as many as you want. <3 Even if you had 10 children it doesn't make losing one of them any less painful. It's horrible some of the things people have said to you. =(

IMakeLotsOfBabies said...

Thanks so much, Stacey <3.

Tammy Gordon said...

I've been following your blog for some time. I'm a Navy Wife Vet of 14 years... and I too suffered many many miscarriages... I'm glad someone could say exactly how I felt... I've had the same thing said to me... I've always wanted a big family... and my three kids are my angel babies!! I have )17( Angel Babies waiting for me on the other side... I'll have my big family in Heaven!!

Thank you for letting me read and be apart of your life!

IMakeLotsOfBabies said...

Thank you so much for sharing that <3. Thank you for reading too :)

Mrs. B said...

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!!! I am so sorry for your loss. I too have had a couple of miscarriages. My husband and I have been trying for # 2 since my daughter was a year old. She'll be 6 in April. It doesn't matter how many kids you have, a loss is a loss!! Wish we could have connected while I was in CT. If you ever want to chat, let me know!!



IMakeLotsOfBabies said...

Thank you <3. I hope you are pregnant for #2 soon!