Sign up for our FREE marriage skills e-mail series.

We'll send you tips, activities, and articles to help your relationship.

We take your privacy seriously. We won't share your email address with anyone else.

The marriage skills e-mail series includes:

  1. It's all about listening.
  2. How affair-proof is your marriage?
  3. "What the !@#$*?" How fights start.
  4. What kind of marriage problems should I look out for?
  5. What are the keys to supportive & intimate relationships?
  6. 10 reasons anger hurts your marriage.
  7. The sexless marriage checklist.
  8. Stop trying to help! Or... how to be a supportive partner.
  9. How can you fix your relationship?
  10. What is Good Communication?

Focus on Concerns not Positions

Unit Overview

In this unit you will...

  1. Discover the consequences of arguing for Positions instead of exploring Concerns.
  2. Practice distinguishing between the two.
  3. Hone your ability to shift from Positions to Concerns.
Click 'mark activity complete' to remove from your coach's picks list.

The Basics:

One of the most common places that Win-Win decision making falls off track is when someone argues for a Position instead of shifting to exploring Concerns. Re-iterating your idea about how to proceed with arguments like, "we really need to get that tv because it's a great deal" or "spanking her is bad because it teaches her violence is ok" is a for sure way to derail the Collaborative Decision Making train. These arguments for a Position will just cause you both to dig in deeper.

By contrast, sharing your reasons as Concerns is so much more helpful. "It's important to me to really get a great value" or "I'm concerned about how we can model the power of talking things through to with our kids" keep things moving forwards in a way that will enable a Mutually Satisfying Solution to be found.

In this unit we'll help you to:

  • Clarify how problematic arguing for a Position is.
  • Complete a drill looking at common Positions vs Concerns around money.
  • Practice looking beneath your Positions for underlying Concerns.

Ready to roll? Mark this Overview as completed and you'll be on your way.

Click here to learn more about the Power of Two Online.

Explore related activities: