Clownado (2019) Movie Script

- This don't sit right with me.
This could get ugly real quick.
- Don't you dare be getting
cold feet on me now.
And don't you dare be feeling
sorry for that asshole.
If anyone deserves it, it's him.
- I don't hate Big Ronnie
because he's an asshole.
Hell, it's probably the one
thing I respect about the man.
Most of my best friends are
I think they oughta give out
an award for the biggest
Like a placard and they
put it on the wall,
then everyone can see
what they're dealing with.
Hell, I could be an asshole
myself from time to time.
It's assholes that get ahead
in the world, sweetheart.
Your husband didn't make all
that dough
by being Mother Theresa.
No, assholes, I don't have a
problem with.
But I can't stand a creep.
- That fits Ronnie's description
by the way he treats me.
- You deserve better.
I'm not sure why you decided
to go with a bum like me.
- Because I do what I want.
- Yeah.
- Tonight, we're gonna do as we
- Ah, but stealing?
- Stealing from the crooked
ain't stealing proper.
Are you scared of him?
Scared he's gonna call the
circus mafia after you?
- I can handle myself.
I'm scared for you.
I ain't afraid to admit it.
I can get a new shirt
and a different haircut
and nobody will recognize me
I'm nobody.
I can disappear.
But you, you ain't hiding from
and I ain't leaving you
for prison or worse.
- Then stay with me.
Together we can open
that son of a bitch safe
and we're gonna take every penny
he has.
Then we can finally be free.
We could finally be a family.
But I don't wanna have a baby in
- Savanna, I'd go through
hell and back for you.
- Would you now?
- You know you've had
a really fucked up day
when you wake up to
figure out your whole life
is copied from a cheap
dime store pulp novel.
You're used goods, toots.
It's how used I didn't know till
And you, no talent dead beat.
Not a grateful bone in your
lousy body.
Not one.
I took you in, I gave you a
home, I treated you like family,
and this is what you give me?
Sit your ass down.
I said sit you dumb bastard.
- Ronnie, you brought this on
You treat our marriage like
you treat this fleabag circus.
You don't give a shit about me.
I'm just your arm candy, baby.
And I'm tired of being a candy
hanging off of your wrist.
- Maybe you're right.
Maybe it is my fault.
After all, you were a lousy
two bit skank when I met you.
Waitin' tables at that dive on
Route 66.
You had that skinny
boyfriend with the worm dick.
You were all over me, lady.
Like taffy on an August
I shoulda known.
I shoulda known you'd jump
on whatever comes along
that strikes you as a
better deal, a bigger haul.
- Fuck you, Ronnie.
I have been nothing but faithful
to you in this marriage.
- Until you got
good and bored, until
something better came along
and caught your attention.
- I was gonna say until you
turned into some nasty ogre.
Always hateful, stomping
around with a clinched fist,
have nothing good to say
to me or anybody else.
You're a light bulb that has
gone out.
You are milk that has turned
Baby, I'm tired of the taste.
Cash loves me.
He treats me like a decent human
- So, you're in love.
Ready to run away into the
But love don't pay the
bills, does it, honey?
So let me guess.
You two lovebirds planed
on stealing from me,
making a quick cash grab and
running out for the highway.
- Hell, Ronnie, that money
ain't even really yours.
You and halfwit over
here said that you took
from that Spanish lone shark
named Miguel.
So I figured I could use a
little money for after dealing
with your nasty bullshit for so
Consider it alimony,
- There's some alimony for ya,
How do you look now, lover boy?
- No, stop, no!
- Savanna, what are you doing?
Don't point that thing at Cash.
You might hurt him.
- Ronnie, Ronnie, let go.
- I guess she's tired
of you too, Cash my boy.
Oh, yeah.
- You dirty, evil, nasty
son of a bitch!
- Oh, I love it when you
say such sweet things to me.
- Kill me too, you fucking pig.
- Oh, Savanna, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna kill you.
No, you're gonna carry
this with you everyday,
and you're gonna see
this over and over again.
- I'll go to the cops.
- Yeah, call the cops.
I mean, after all, it's
your gun, doll face.
Your fingerprints.
The way this all looks to me
is these no life fuckers tried
to break
into my office and steal our
And baby, you saved the day.
You caught him red handed.
- Right.
- Or, or, I could put
a round of lead in that
pretty little face of yours,
like I did your boyfriend.
Or we could call the cops,
tell 'em you got your period
and went batshit crazy.
Starting shooting everything up
like some damn Clint Eastwood
Let you cool your hard
ass in prison a while,
with the dykes.
Your call, baby.
- Okay, okay.
We caught them stealing.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
And true love saves the day.
Now get your ass ready.
The show's starting' and we have
a new act debuting tonight.
- New act?
- And now for something really
Ladies and gentlemen, if
you are faint at heart
or you are squeamish, now
is the time to turn away,
because The Midnight Madness
Circus of a Thousand Wonders
has truly turned into the
circus of the Macabre.
Witness our fearless femme
fatal in a fatal fix.
Any last words, dear?
- Hey, doll face, are
you ready to give them
the show of your lifetime?
It's going to stab the audience.
- Look, look at her.
- Are you ready for the show?
Let's get to the point.
Let's dart into action.
Lousy two bit skank.
Oh, yeah, this should drive it
Come get it little darling.
- This is a great time.
- I'm gonna poke a lot of holes
in you,
until it all runs out and I
get the satisfaction I want,
and these people get
the show that they want.
They've paid good money.
And away we go.
- And there you have it, ladies
and gents.
Another crazy night under
the twisted big top.
Tell your friends we're here all
and don't forget to
leave the kiddos at home.
Come back to The Midnight
Circus of a Thousand Wonders,
where anything can happen.
And thank you all, good night.
- Now that was a show.
And just think, only three
more towns until our tour ends.
And this was just so much fun.
Hm, what's that?
You really should stop mumbling.
- Oh!
Ronnie, baby, listen.
Lesson learned, can't
we just kiss and make up
like we used to after a fight?
- No, Savanna, you broke my
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
You didn't even know I had a
But I do.
And you broke it into tiny
little pieces.
No, no, no, I think this
is gonna take some time
to get over.
And I think it's best if
you find somewhere else
to camp out for a few nights.
Wash that nasty stink off of
your ass.
Give me some time to heal so
I don't murder you in your
- Autumn.
- It's just me, child.
- Thank god it's you.
I thought that evil bastard came
- Not one of your better
nights there sweetie.
You'd think your friend Cash
have something to say about all
of this.
- Cash is dead, Autumn.
That son of a bitch killed him
in front of me in cold blood.
- It just kills
me what they did to you.
- That pile of dicks isn't
gonna get away with this.
I don't care what it takes.
I'm tired of feeling sorry,
like it was all a mistake.
He said he would kill me if I
didn't agree
to this ridiculous story, and
now he plans on doing this
until the end of the tour.
I gotta do something, Autumn,
and it may end up killing me.
But that nasty motherfucker
deserves to take a deep,
dark nap if it's the last thing
I do.
- You have no appreciation for
I spent my hard earned money,
take you and your momma
to the circus and this
is the thanks I get?
What the fuck are you doing?
Get your ass in that car.
- Steve, let's all calm
down and go home.
Everyone else is gone.
- We'll calm down and
go home when this little
brat here gives me an apology.
You hear me, Rachel?
- Keep your drunk hands
off me, you asshole.
- I'll drive.
Let's all go home and
just sort this out.
- I'm perfectly fine, but
this sick ass little brat here
is fucking ruining everything.
- Steve.
- Shit, Dad?
- Steve, Steve.
- Dad?
- Steve.
Rachel, what did you do?
- Fuck this.
- Any of you smiley
faced fuckers gonna help?
For a skinny fucker,
he sure is heavy.
- Dead weight, boss.
- You got that right, Chuckles.
- Uh, boss, I'm Chuckles.
- It was a figure of
speech, oh, never mind.
Okay, so I figure we cut
his ass up nice and small,
in nice little pieces.
That-a-way there's less of a
chance of someone finding the
body and more of a chance of
some animal eating his ass.
Look boys, I know it's a lot to
but haven't I always taken care
of you?
Bobo, when you had that issue
with that little blonde honey
in the miniskirt, didn't
I make it all go away?
- Bitch said she was into
clowns, Ronnie.
How was I supposed to know
she was the mayor's kid?
- Nevertheless, I took care of
I do right by all you guys.
What do you say, guys?
Help a buddy out here.
We gotta do this the old
fashioned way.
Nice and quiet, no disturbances.
Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah, get it up there.
Oh, slice it up.
Yeah, little small pieces.
Yeah, we want 'em into small
so we can hide the body a lot
Oh, yeah.
- You sure you wanna do this?
Once we begin, it cannot be
- That motherfucker killed Cash.
After all the bullshit he put me
he deserves what happens.
But, Autumn, will this work?
What's gonna happen when we do
- This is why I'm asking if
you're sure.
You've been through so much
already and us using a spell
as evil as this against
another, it could backfire.
It can be dangerous.
- What the hell do I have to
lose, Autumn?
That fucker deserves to pay
for what he did to Cash,
and to me.
He has all the money, mine too.
So what choice do I have?
- You could just run.
- And go where?
I have no money, no family, no
Big Ronnie has people all over
the country, criminal types.
The scumbags that would slit
your throat just for fun.
So he'd have everybody hunting
for me.
So I'm fucked either way.
At least this way, I'm calling
the shots.
And it's as you said for
yourself, I'll get my revenge.
- You'll call the shots, sure.
But neither one of us are in
control here.
Stay there without escape.
Witness my darkness,
my vengeance against your mortal flesh.
Repeat this with me.
- Power of anger, power
of hate.
Discord brings you to your fate.
Demons of anger, demons of hate.
Bring him down, I will not wait.
So it shall be.
Vengeance now may manifest.
- Here me, dark prince.
Give my hatred life.
Manifest to destroy my enemies.
Manifest to bring about my
- Fill that hole, Satchel.
That goes for the
rest of you guys, too.
We don't anything
digging him up.
- Looks like a
storm's comin', boss.
- That doesn't look good.
Come on, boys, get in the truck.
Hang on everybody.
I don't know what this is, but
it's hitting us really hard.
- Give me your hand.
- Autumn!
Autumn, what the fuck?
- Give my hatred life.
Manifest to bring about my
- My heart.
- Hang on, everybody.
- Autumn.
- Oh.
Fuck, this has never happened
Savanna, you must leave here.
Go anywhere, but you cannot stay
- But, what will I do?
Where will I go?
You're the only family I have
- Just go anywhere.
Be happy.
I'll find you someday.
- Holy hell.
Is it Halloween time, already?
- You got jokes.
- You gotta have a huge sack of
running around this area like
- Well, why's that?
- Anyone going up and down
the road dressed as Elvis,
with a guitar on his
back and this thumb out,
asking for trouble in this town.
- So you're telling me a brother
can't enjoy some Elvis around
- Have you looked in
the mirror lately, man?
I'd say it's a little more
than enjoying some Elvis.
I'd take it, you're
playing some kinda show?
- Yeah, I'm toured with a group
of guys.
We performed in Vegas some years
My vehicle broke down about 20
Local mechanic said it was a
lost cause.
No one would pick my ass up.
- Yeah, I wonder why.
Well, hop in bud.
Let's hit the road.
- And they actually serve food
here, too?
- Best Italian steak in the
I wouldn't steer you wrong.
It's got real fresh beef.
- Uh huh.
- Oh, hey, just give us
a few minutes, honey.
- Hey, no touching, sugar.
- Come on, Bambi, come on.
- Hey, motherfucker, you piece
of shit.
You can't be treating the girls
like that.
I don't know who the fuck
you think you are, but--
- Thanks, man.
- You better get that looked at.
You might need stitches.
- Nah, I'll be okay.
I'm used to dealing with
this fucking piece of shit.
- I've had enough of this shit.
Do you like this job?
- Yes, I, , I'm
- Kurt, why did you do
that to this motherfucker?
- He got real handsy with Bambi
- You know he didn't mean
- Kurt didn't do shit.
I did it, he's an asshole.
He comes in here every
payday, harasses us.
Half the time he's sneaking
into the dressing rooms.
I have had just enough, Spider.
- So you've had enough of this?
Well the door's that way,
don't let it hit you in your
ass, baby.
- Are you serious?
- Hey, it's Spider, isn't it?
- And who in the hell are you?
- I've been coming
here for years.
I love the dames, love the eats.
Best Italian steak in the state,
but Bambi here didn't do the
I did it.
- So you did this?
Well I don't give two
shits who did this.
This is bullshit.
Get these fuckers out of here
and somebody get their ass
on this bar and
start jiggling it.
- Screw you, Spider.
I need to get my stuff.
You, you need to get a backbone.
- I'm really sorry, man.
You know, that fucker's my
and this is my only gig.
And two strikes now,
you know how it is, man.
I'm sorry.
- Hey, thanks for what
you did in there.
- Oh, hell, little lady.
Hey, you had some pretty
good moves of your own.
Me and Elvis here, we just
stopped in
for some eats and then,
then that asshole started in.
- Well, I appreciate it.
And I'm sorry you guys didn't
get dinner,
but there is a diner
about two blocks down.
- Well, hell, darling,
why don't you join us.
If I'm not being
too forward, that is.
- Actually, I am kinda hungry.
Do you mind taking
me home after?
- Well as long as Mr. Bambi
ain't gonna blow his lid.
- Well, keep your lid on
daddio, there is no Mr. Bambi.
- All the better, sweetie.
- Hey, you need a ride?
- Yes, I have power like
none you have ever seen.
Even stronger than Godzilla.
We barbecue their asses.
- This is Autumn, look hey,
when you get this message,
I need you to send some
of the boys over here.
I think those town motherfuckers
are here again, messing around.
I'm gonna--
- You're not gonna need that.
I'm the only lie
you're gonna need.
And good news, I brought some
of the boys along with me.
- What the fuck is
wrong with you?
- Well now, Autumn, you should
know what's wrong with us.
You made us this way
and it's all your fault.
If you'da just kept that nose
of yours out of my business,
none of this would be
happening right now.
And now we're here to make
sure you never do that again.
- Such a pretty face.
I think I'll take it with me.
- Look, I'm sorry.
Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ron,
I promise I'll stay
out of your business.
I won't be in it anymore,
just please let me go.
Please stop, stop please.
- Can we shut that mug up?
Come on, she's wailing
like a frickin' police
- Oh fuck, I'm sorry.
- siren over there.
- Ronnie, wait, I'm sorry.
- Come on, do something.
- You're right,
I should stay outta your--
- So I left his cheating ass
and I went back to school.
And of course,
school is very expensive.
So, I tried to waitress a while.
This very diner, to be exact.
The tips were shitty and the
hourly is just insulting.
If I was gonna make
it on my own.
I was gonna have to
figure out something fast.
So, I gave it a try, that's all.
- Well, one thing's for sure,
you got the looks for it,
and the moves to match
from I caught of that show.
Man, I'm sure sorry
that had to happen.
- So what you gonna do now?
- Not sure.
Hasn't really hit me yet.
But when it does, I'll
probably have a good cry,
and figure out the
best way I can.
One thing about me,
baby, I'm a survivor.
- I'm so sorry, but
there's a creep out there
and he's been following me for
miles and he tried to give me
a ride and I told him no,
and he just keeps showing up.
- You gotta be a freak to follow
a little girl around like that.
- Is that the guy?
- Yeah, real creep.
- Hey, y'all doin'?
- You've been wonderful.
- Well, good.
Okay, there you go.
Order'll be up in just a sec.
You okay, hun?
You seen a little nervous or
- Yeah, I'm good.
Thank you.
- Haven't seen you
around here before.
- Nobody's from around here.
Isn't everyone just
passing through?
- Well, you may
be right about that.
- I'd take that check
when you have the chance.
- Hey, buddy.
Let's have a little chat.
From where I see it,
you world's nothing
but bad intentions, man.
The way you're eyeballing
that young girl over there.
- Look, man.
I don't want any trouble.
I just wanna get a cup of
freakin' coffee
and play on my phone a bit.
- Oh, is that so?
Well that little lady over there
is pretty shaken up by you.
Says you've been bugging
her, following her around.
Why would she go and
lie on you like that?
All right, pal.
How about I buy you a beer.
- Alcohol is bad news, man.
It weakens the character,
fuzzes the brain.
It makes you soft.
I've been down that road before.
It's full of nothing but
broken promises and pain.
Hurting everyone that you
ever gave a damn about.
No thanks, man.
Keep your beer.
- Oh, is that so?
Well, it's moving time
around here, buddy,
and I think you
should catch the fever.
Get movin'.
Problem solved.
- So is the bus usually
on time around here?
- Hell, honey,
I haven't taken a bus
since I had pigtails
and poodle skirts.
- Fucking wonderful.
- What the hell?
- What the hell?
- What the hell is going on?
- We never know.
- You've gotta be
fucking kidding me.
Screw driver, crowbar,
hammer, anything.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- You know this clown, honey?
- You could say that.
Hey, Flo, you got
the keys to that door?
- Under the counter over
there, and the name's Alice.
- Of course it is.
Let's go with those
keys sweetie.
You don't want these
fuckers in here, trust me.
Get the fucking keys.
- Come on.
- Get in the back, all of you.
Get in the back now, move.
Move, move!
Look for a phone.
- Damn, I got nothing.
- Yeah, nothing here either.
Maybe the storm?
- Well, my black ass doesn't
feel safe at all right now.
- Look, honey, if you know
what's going on with these
painted freaks, you need
to let us know pronto.
- It's a long story, honey,
and this ain't the
time or place.
All you need to know is
is that they are some evil
motherfuckers who do some
sick sadistic shit to people.
As in, we need to find a
phone that fucking works
and some cops and do it quick.
- I got it.
Cell phone.
Cell phone, cell phone, okay.
- Oh shit, where the
fuck did they go?
- Maybe they gave up.
- No, something
tells me that ain't
the case with these clowns.
Am I right, darling?
- You have no idea, Billy Jack.
- Shit, who's got the keys?
- Flo's got 'em.
- My name's not Flo, bitch.
- Come on, come on.
- Everybody.
- Stay back, stay back.
Stay back, stay.
- Oh my God,
what are you doing?
- She's fucking dead!
- Oh, shit!
- Get down.
- Oh, my God.
- Get down.
- Come on, move!
- Okay.
- It's not a big
apartment, let's escape.
- Almost got it.
- Fucking bitches.
- Why don't you
open the fucking door?
- Fuck, fuck!
- Lock the basement!
- God dammit, it's jammed.
- You fucking bitches.
- You think you're a
man, I'll tell you that.
We need to go out
the door you guys.
Come on, give him
some fucking room.
- I got it.
- Bitches,
I'll fucking kill you!
- Oh, my God.
- Fuck.
Fuck, Rachel.
Come here you motherfucker,
you let her go.
- He got 'em off of me.
- Come on.
- Come on, bro, come on.
- No.
- Let's go.
- Get off of me.
Get off of me!
- Everything's gonna
be okay, Flo.
- My name's not Flo, bitch!
- Make a wish.
- No, no, no!
No, no!
- Hello, darling.
So, you thought you'd
step out on me, huh?
Well, here we are.
Face to face again.
- Please, no, please.
- Wanna play doctor?
- Deja fucking vu.
Haven't we done this before?
Ronnie, I'm sorry I--
- Save it, you're a cheap
dime store version of a lady.
I'm gonna open you up
and I'm gonna operate.
I'm just afraid of what I
might find inside there.
Maybe a block of ice where
your heart oughta be.
Well, maybe you do have a heart.
Yeah, oh yeah.
- Ooh, crumb cake, my favorite.
I think I'll take a slice.
- Hey, Elvis, see what's
in the truck for a weapon.
- You got it.
- Hi.
- There ain't shit up I this
- Hey you, do you
wanna save your ass?
Come with us.
- Boo.
- Rachel, fuck!
- Look at my perfect titties.
They're all natural,
- He tried to help us.
- Yo, Hunter, get everyone in
the truck.
- You don't have to
tell me twice, let's go.
- It's gonna
be so much fun.
- Oh, that's new.
I know a strip club down the
road that needs some dancers.
- Pull it, how the fuck?
Come on.
Eat up on that motherfucker.
Aw, shit.
- Oh, fuck.
- Elvis, get your black ass in
the truck.
- Ooh, a new play thing.
- Operation was a success.
I love the makeover.
- Great, another storm.
It's blowing us all
over the road.
- He needs a hospital,
Hunter, and quick.
- I'm not supposed to say
but I might be fucking dying
here, so.
I'm not some random
stalker, you know.
- You need to save your energy.
We're gonna get you to a
- Fuck it.
I gotta get this out.
- I'm not a priest, baby.
I don't wanna hear your last
- I'm her real father.
- What the fuck did you just
- My name is Nicholas Stone.
Your mom's name is, well
it was Theresa Stone.
I fucked it all up.
And I cheated on your mom
with her best fucking friend
when you were just 10
feet away in the crib.
Your mom was a waitress,
I didn't even have a job.
I did that shit.
Your mom threw my ass out to the
and she told me never
to fucking come back.
- You never even tried
to see me until now?
Having a midlife crisis or
- Because I'm not fucking lying
and I refuse to die without
telling you.
- What the fuck?
Okay, great timing there,
- Yeah, I always had impeccable
- We'll get you taken
care of, just hang on.
- Shit, it's still coming.
- That fucking tornado just
touched down
in the parking lot and these
clowns just came out of it.
- After what I've already seen,
I'll pretty much believe
anything at this point.
Dude, what's the plan?
- We're all gonna die in here.
- That's enough of that, little
We're gonna make it.
The bastards are gone.
- Where is it?
Where is it?
- Fuck, Hunter, shake
that mofo off the roof.
- I'm tryin'.
I can't shake the ugly son of a
Fuck this freak show.
- No way, man.
No way you're opening that door.
- You can't get him off the
Trust me, I can do this.
- No, do not open that door, god
- Maybe you can forgive me and
of your dad as a good guy.
- Oh yeah, that'll do.
Here I come, you sick sons of
- Grave is deep and the
night is fucking cold,
and the world is a skull
for a stinking mold.
Just think about it, kid.
- What in the hell are you doing
out here
in the middle of the night?
I mean, you may have just
won the lucky kid award.
You could have been clown chow.
- Make a right up ahead.
- Damn.
- Just great.
- Hi, Sheriff.
What's going on?
- Oh hey there, Bambi.
Did you hear what
happened over at the club?
- I got fired, so
thankfully I wasn't there.
- Fired?
Well who in their right
minds would fire you?
Hell, you were the only reason
to go.
Them other girls, basically meth
with souls as black as
Elvis's hair over here.
- Name's Dion, nice to meet you.
- Damn, you have got some balls,
Walking around here, dressed
like that.
Say, if anyone asks, you tell
'em you think it's Halloween,
maybe they'll feel sorry for ya.
- Uh, hey, Sheriff.
We're just trying to the lady
It's been a hell of a night,
and she's go a kid at home
freakin' out.
Anyway we can get through?
- Well I'm guessing you haven't
seen a TV or heard a radio.
There is one nasty ass
storm heading this way.
Tornado touched down
about four blocks away.
The debris from the houses and
is blocking the road up ahead.
- Ah, shit, Sheriff.
Look, we've already had
a run in with this storm,
like three times tonight.
Fucker almost ran us
right off the highway.
But it's what's inside storm.
I know you're not gonna believe
but there are these things.
There are these, ,
fuck it.
- What's your name again?
- It's Doghouse Riley.
- You been drinking Doghouse?
Don't be a clown.
You think this is the right time
to be breaking my balls out
I'm not sure I like your game.
- My days of drinking my lunch
out of a bottle have
been over for years, man.
This storm is nastier than a
$2 hooker on dollar Thursdays.
This tornado's got me scared
and not for myself, but for this
This blink and you'll miss it
I'm just trying to help out,
- You done?
Damn, all right, fair enough.
I guess I'm a little on edge
Lot of good folks lost their
to that twisted sons of bitch.
Chris, what the hell are you
and Molly doing back here?
- Sorry, Sheriff, we go
where the storm takes us.
This thing is intense.
- You haven't seen Rusty
come by here yet, have you?
- No, maybe he had better
sense than you two.
- Hey, maybe you guys should
listen to the Sheriff.
This thing is bad news.
I mean, it's evil.
- Thanks for your concern there
Billy Bob,
but this ain't our first rodeo.
We got this.
- Hey, the name's Hunter and
little lady,
you ain't got shit.
If you go anywhere near that
fucking thing
and you can kiss your smart ass
- Ah, hell, this does not look
This shit is getting crazy.
You all need to head out.
And you need to get home
to that girl of yours.
Oh, and uh, Doghouse, you be
safe too.
- See, I told you that
shit was gonna turn around.
Oh, you're all right.
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Something's burning, man.
- Well thank you, Captain
Fucking wonderful.
- Shit's dead, man.
- Dion, really?
- I know, Captain Obvious,
- I'm just trying to be a good
and this shit happens.
Nearest garage?
- Did you hear me, shit for
I don't have time to get a
deputy here.
You are my backup.
Now I am telling you, not
get these people outta
here and to a safe place.
Do you hear me?
- Well what about you?
Sheriff, you can't stay here,
that shitstorm is coming this
- I'm gettin' my ass on the
road and alerting everyone--
- Come on.
Hey, come here.
- You got room for me?
- All right, go, go, go.
Son of a bitch, you clowns.
- Well hello, nurse.
Where have you been hiding,
You okay, honey?
I know the circus is in town.
Bitch, what the fuck?
- Fuckin' die already!
- This little piggy went to
Oh, yeah.
- I don't know where
the hell you came from.
Probably the sewer, but
I suggest you all go back
there before my backup arrives.
- Oh, you mean these all-day
Hey, calm down kid.
Buy yourself an orchid.
- They were so much fun.
- There's only room for one
Sheriff in this town, partner.
Oh, yeah!
Rip that piggy apart.
Oh yeah, I smell bacon.
Yeah, burn in hell.
I'm gonna munch on his little,.
Mm, let's have bacon in the
- We've been chasing
storms for a long time now,
and we've never seen anything
like this.
- Someone needs to come
out with the goods here,
and you better lay it on my
fast before that screwed up
twister comes back, and we're
all having this conversation
from a bunch of pine boxes
down on Forrest Lawn.
- Those fuckin' things they
ride around in that tornado
like it's a DeLorean that just
came back from the future.
And when they get done,
most people they meet
aren't breathing anymore.
Do you get it?
- Breaker one three, breaker one
Rusty, can you hear us, Rusty?
- Am I not speaking English?
You people are the only way
I can home to my daughter.
She is probably freaking the
hell out right about now,
and we are sitting here like
Check that thing while we drive.
That tornado is gonna
popup any fuckin' minute.
- I just wish I knew what
the hell we're dealing with.
- Oh and I guess we have to
deal with this shit again.
- Look sister, those
motherfuckers are relentless.
They don't stop coming.
- Thanks for the ride, bitch.
- Chris, we need to find some
That thing's getting bigger.
I don't know if we're gonna out
run it.
- We need to figure out
how to stop this shit.
That thing's big enough to turn
this whole town upside down.
- There's no way to stop
a tornado, Einstein.
- Actually, there's a theory
and it's been proven by some
A tornado is pretty complex,
but there has to be a perfect
mix of hot and cold to
make it work, right?
- I get it, Molly.
A tornado needs both a cold
and a warm updraft in order to
If you take one of those away,
then the whole thing becomes
Holy shit, I think I got an
- So how did they stop a
Get to the point.
- They used liquid nitrogen
to cool the whole thing down.
- Liquid nitrogen?
- My uncle, he owns an ice cream
He uses liquid nitrogen
to make his own shit.
I just need to get us there.
He's got the whole rig.
A vacuum storage tank, the
We just have to figure out
how to get it in the tornado.
- Yeah, I might be able to help
you there.
- Dammit.
This is bullshit.
- Fuck.
Look dude, get the fuck outta
- You've gotta
be fucking kidding me.
- Oh, God!
- Get the fuck down.
Now show me that smile,
Yes, these freaks can die.
- I'm really glad you
knew how to use that.
- Oh, Ronnie's gonna be pissed.
- Well, how you doin',
doll face?
No hard feelings, right?
- From where I stand, you smell
a pitiful excuse for a man.
The stench wraps around my
throat and makes me wanna wretch.
Hard feelings, baby, I've got
the hardest.
- Motherfucker.
- Don't get your panties wet,
sweetheart, I'm not the dancing
- It's so hard to say goodbye,
Watch the bitch.
I wanna make sure she's
really dead this time.
Come on, Wizzo.
There's much to do before
Someone took one of ours.
And revenge is in the air, boys.
- Damn, too bad the phones
are still messed up.
We could have made one phone
and wouldn't have had to do any
of this.
- Molly, you got the goods?
Cover your ears.
Not so bad, come on.
I found it.
Only chance we got, really.
- Okay, if we're gonna do
this, we don't drop it,
we don't shake it, we don't
even sneeze around this thing,
or they're gonna picking
up pieces of all of us
all the way back to Texas, get
I'm such an asshole.
I shoulda called my mom when
I had the chance and I didn't.
I fucked everything up.
- Oh, honey, it'll be okay.
- Rachel, look at me.
We're gonna get you home, okay?
You and Bambi both.
We're gonna be okay.
- Listen.
What the hell is that?
- Thunder, motherfucker,
- Chris, we need a cart or
- Will this do?
Oh hell.
Oh, Dion!
- Oh, my God.
- Dion!
- Dion, Dion!
- Oh, no!
- Oh.
Mother fucker.
Ronnie, the bitch is back,
and she's comin' to get ya.
- Where the hell are
- My uncle's shop is
attached to an old mini-mall.
- Got any gun stores?
- No.
Fucking idiot.
Using all that ammo on the
goddamn door.
- Shit, it's not on you.
Shit happens and today shit
happens every 42 seconds.
We just gotta get this thing to
the truck.
Number one priority.
- I think we can get out through
We need to get to the parking
That's our way out.
- Sounds good to me.
Easy now.
- No!
- Here's Chuckles.
- No!
- Hunter, get 'em outta here.
- Dion!
- TCB, baby.
- Well, well, well.
Elvis, I'm such a big fan.
Elvis has left the building.
- Shit.
This is bullshit.
- Shit, Chris, they're coming.
- Chris, give me a
hand with this.
Yeah, good.
Hey you get the rig.
- Everything I got.
- Those circus freaks will
be here any minute now.
- All right, slowly.
- Careful.
- You're gonna have
to get in first.
- All right, watch out.
- Rachel, Bambi.
Hey, hotshot, you wanna
take the back for cover?
- Already in the plan, my
man, I'm your Huckleberry.
- Damn, girl, I think I'm in
Another time and another place,
Be sure to put the grill back.
- Yeah, god dammit.
- I wish none of this
was happening, but it is.
And we gotta stay strong.
We're almost there.
- That's some real
uplifting shit, right there.
- Intense.
You, hey.
You're up.
- No I won't.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Yeah, you.
- What, no.
- Well I guess if you
want something done right
you gotta do it yourself.
Turn back.
Get outta here.
Oh, get in here.
- No, let's think about
Do it.
- Hey,.
- Oh, yeah, I smell a stripper
in here.
Mm, with fishnets.
I'll get one of them.
- I thought I heard something.
- You gotta get that fucker
open, man.
- I smell you.
- Look, I can't get up there.
Kick the shit out of it.
- Oh you gotta do something
you gotta do it yourself.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
easy, easy.
- Okay.
You got it?
- All right, follow me.
- Oh yeah.
I smell you.
I want you.
I'm gonna eat a few of you too.
- Oh, go, go, go, go, go.
- Where is that fat sack of
- I told you you shoulda
parked in the parking garage.
- Well I didn't think we were
be in a fucking parking garage.
Now we gotta get this big
bastard back to my fucking truck.
Oh, God!
- There's the way out.
- Is that little fucker still
behind us?
- Yeah, he's still here.
- Guess what, you're mine.
- Fuck.
- Fuck your little face.
- Oh, pop goes the weasel,
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, there's
another one, let's go!
- What about my daughter?
You were supposed to take me
- I promise you I'll get you to
but with that tornado out
there, nobody is safe.
We have to stop that thing.
- Old airport, about two
miles down, south side.
- Yeah, I know where it is.
- I got an old friend
there that owes me a favor.
- Man, are you sure he's here?
- Oh, he's here.
Hawk is always here.
- Hawk?
- Yeah, Memphis Hawk.
People call him the Hurricane
he flew through two of 'em.
Come on.
- Whoa!
- Hey, it's me.
It's Hunter, you crazy bastard.
- Yeah, Hunter, I smelled you a
mile away.
Oh, I see you met Mr. Maxwell.
See, he always comes to the
front door when somebody's
beatin' on it at 2:30 in the
Son of a bitch.
Why don't you come on in the
back, I'll heat up some coffee,
and you can tell me why you're
on my door at 2:30 in the
- Okay, pal.
Coffee sounds great.
- Yeah.
- I was up watching the Late
Late Show.
Tired of seeing some Joel
Edgerton double feature.
Creepy dreams work for me.
Well, uh, make yourselves at
Just don't get too comfortable
I found out what in the hell's
going on.
- Look, Hawk, it's been an
insane night.
A real waking nightmare.
I don't even know where to
- Well, I tell you what,
don't make it some long
drawn out bedtime story,
'cause I hate bedtime stories.
So just hit me with the
highlights, okay?
- Okay, all right, pal.
We need your plane, Hawk.
You are the only guy that can do
what we need to get done, okay?
And, look, outside we have a
container of liquid nitrogen.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
back the truck up, Hunter.
Fucking liquid nitrogen, are
you outta your fucking mind?
Oh yeah, wait, don't answer
You got a couple screws loose
all right.
- No, listen man, look
we had this crazy idea
on how to stop this
really nasty tornado.
- You, first of all, I don't
even wanna
go around liquid nitrogen,
much less put it in my plane
and fly it up into the
wild blue yonder.
- A tornado is pretty fragile,
it takes the perfect mix
of hot and cold to cool
the whole thing down.
- I've been flying the
friendly skies for 35 years.
I was in and out of
tornadoes while
you were still laying
around in your diapers.
So you don't need to tell me
anything about tornadoes, honey.
I've even been up in
two hurricanes.
- There's a theory that
introducing severe cold
to a tornado would weaken
it, destabilize it,
basically causing it
to break apart.
- Hawk, have I ever
played you for a sucker?
Not once, not one time.
I've always been
straight with you.
All I'm asking is for
you to trust me, okay?
And you owe me one.
- Yeah, well that I do.
See, this man here, he's pulled
my fat
outta the fire more than once.
In fact, last time, he even
took some buckshot for me.
- You two can reminisce later,
we need to get going now.
You stay in here, honey.
- No, I'm not staying here.
I'm coming with you.
- No, it's safer in here.
Less chance of you being in
- I don't care, I'm coming with
- Enough.
Look, if you wanna come,
that is your choice,
but we gotta go get that
liquid nitrogen, and quick.
- I got a bad feeling about
All right, gone over my
Y'all ready to rock and roll?
- Okay, Molly, can you handle
this door?
And Chris, can you get
the girls some place safe?
I don't know if this stuff's
gonna work.
- No, fuck that, I'm going with
I know about this shit and
you're gonna need me up there.
- Well, this is some bullshit.
I'm going too.
- Hunter, get the nitrogen.
- Do you think this is even
gonna work?
- That's way above my pay grade,
For some reason, I think
those crazy bastards
can pull it off.
- Damn, that's one big
son of a bitch, Hunter.
- Yeah, that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
I've been fighting this thing
all night.
My ass is worn out.
- Well you better get bright
eyed and bushy tailed, Hunter,
because if this plan doesn't
work, then we're outta options.
That thing's gonna destroy
and everything in its path.
- I think it's following us,
- What, well, that's good.
That's what we want, right?
- We gotta move it away from the
We gotta get it away from all
those occupied houses down
We gotta save those people,
We gotta get high enough
to drop the nitrogen.
It's moving faster than I
You ready to pull that thing?
- Yeah, just a bit closer.
- It's do or die time.
If we don't do it now, we're
gonna fail.
We gotta do it now.
- It's jammed.
- Fuck me you prick!
- Fucker won't budge.
Fucking serious?
Hunter, help me with this thing.
Please shake, you son of a
- It's gonna get a lot bumpier!
I can't hold it much longer,
It's do or die time.
Now or never!
- It won't fucking move!
- A little more!
- Bombs away!
- Come on, Hawk,
get us the fuck outta here.
Take that, shit head!
- Woo!
- We're taking this bitch
home, ladies and gentlemen.
Woo hoo, yeah!
- That was close.
Hawk, let's land this bitch.
- I'm way ahead of ya, Hunter.
We're headed for home.
- Woo!
- We're on our way home, kids.
- Look at that
sky man, that's gorgeous.
- It's been good
seeing you again, man.
- It's been great
seeing you, Hunter.
Come on, come on.
- Ah, please.
- Atta boy.
Now Hunter, I want
you to think about this
and think about it really good.
The next you're out there
and you're driving through
my neck of the woods
and you're like,
I gotta go see my friend, Hawk.
I want you to remember this,
just fuckin' keep
going, all right?
- I thought we were
all gonna be clown chow
there for a second there.
- Yeah, me too.
- Boys and girls, it's been
But I got bills to pay,
so I gotta skedaddle.
You guys take care, all right?
Adios amigos.
Yo, Jimmy, where's Maxwell?
- Hunter, I think I saw
some of it fall just a few
blocks away.
- Do you think they're dead?
- Oh, let's hope so, sweetheart.
Let's find out for sure and
then I'll take you both home.
I promise.
Holy shit.
- That's enough of him.
- Ah, you gotta be fucking
kidding me.
All right, go, go, go.
- That's what I always
loved about you, baby.
You're just like a
walking stick of dynamite.
Smooth on the outside and baby,
when you off, you sure
make one hell of a mess.
- Ronnie, baby, I leave a
taste like blood in your mouth,
and I will destroy you in the
most beautiful way possible.
And once I'm finished,
you'll understand why
storms are named after people.
We're on a joyride
to hell, you and me.
And here's your one way ticket.
- No, oh, Savanna, you
don't wanna hurt me.
You love me, and I love--
- Relax, what would I do
with you chumps anyway?
I got bigger fish to
fry and a circus to run.
Catch ya in the funny papers,
you hear?
- Okay, a promise is a promise.
Let's get you two home.
- Oh.
- Clownado, roll six, scene 36A,
take one.
- Yeah.
- Look man, I think...
- Clownado.
- Yeah!
- We did it!
- Yeah!
Run for your life and don't
look back
Killer clowns are risen
and are out to attack
The smarts stop working in out
of fear
As you see the machete
and the poles near
Life alert signs, flutter your
You scream for your life
as you feel the first cut
Death is the only joke tonight
'Cause clown are on a
bloodbath ride
The color red rains down
In this clownado fly
Lock your doors and stay
Pray that they don't find your
The color red rains down
In this clownado fly
Don't move, don't make a sound
You're now inside the
clownado playground
No this is not the nightmare
In the distance, can
you hear that scream
Reality perhaps stranger
than fiction at times
Death bells ring out in their
The water's squirting clowns
Lies hanging abounds
in the clownado fight
The color red rains down
In this clownado fly
Lock your doors and stay
Pray that they don't find your
The color red rains down
In this clownado fly
- Fuck, yeah.
Fuck me.
Goddammit, yes.
Death is the only--
- I can't hold it much longer,
These clowns are on a
bloodbath ride
Death is the
only joke tonight
- Would you now?
And this is where
we do some stuff.
The color red
rains down tonight
In this clownado fly
Lock your doors and stay
Pray that they
don't find your hide
The color red rains down
In this clownado fly
In this clownado fly
- Yeah, Captain Obvious.
- I got a line?