Have you heard the one about the blind horse?

It's no secret that we Irish are famous for our sense of humour. From pub gags, to funeral jokes, we cover them all.

With this in mind, we've decided to compile 15 of our favourite Irish jokes.


The Ballycashel Echo

"Is that the Ballycashel Echo?" asks Mick.



"A ten-foot ladder," said Mick before slamming the phone down.

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Ms Murphy

A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.

He says: “So what’s bothering you?”




Drunk priest


He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Forgetful doctor

Dr O'Mahony tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."

"Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient.

The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."

"That's terrible," says the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"

Dr O'Mahony replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Irishman on couch

What do you call an Irishman sitting on a couch? "Paddy O'Furniture."

Car park

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

Tequila shots


The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.



Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”

The barman asks: “What do you have?”


Way to Cork

Irish Signpost, County Cork, Ireland


Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"

Billy replies: "In the car."

"Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.

Dog walker

Gerry Connors walked his dog through the village every day.

One day Mr Connors is on his walk without the dog.

His pal Billy sees him and asks: "Where is your dog?"

Mr Murphy answers: "I had to have him put down."

"Was he mad?" asks Billy.

"He wasn't too pleased," Mr Murphy replies.



Paddy says to Mick: "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both."



In a panic, he phones his friend and asks: "Did you see the paper?! They say I died!"

The friend replies: "Yes, I saw it! So, where ya calling from?"




The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.

The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

City workers


After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"



Mick and Paddy are walking along when Mick falls down a manhole. Paddy shouts down: "What shall I do?" Mick barks back: "Call me an ambulance!"

Paddy then jumps up and down screaming: "Mick is an ambulance, Mick is an ambulance."


Two Irishmen were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car's indicators are working.

He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

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