Jul 09

Oh yes, time once again for one of MCF’s wonderfully random polls, and as a loyal reader (and occasional commenter) on his blog I feel compelled, nay duty bound to contribute my own answers. Maybe a day or so late, but who cares? It’s a random poll, and answering late only magnifies the randomness. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Anyway…

1) How much is too much communication when expressing or maintaining your interest in another person?

Oh, right off the top a bad question for me. To be honest, I don’t know. I’ve always been self conscious and not very confident in my dealings with the opposite sex, so I think I’m the wrong person to ask. As an adult, if I had to give an answer, I would say that it’s always good to leave a little room for more*. Keep it light, keep it funny and see what happens from there. If something is meant to be, there will be more. If not, at least you came off as a cool person and not some creepy type. If you asked teenage me, it would probably involve mumbling, staring at the floor and going a very bright shade of red. Young child me would just say “Girls? Yuck!” and run off.

2) Do you ever find yourself mentally mashing up the lyrics to Billie Jean and the Diff’rent Strokes theme song?

I would have to say no, though I am a bad one for getting tunes stuck in my head. Some – like Spanish Flea – are ones that I find myself whistling for weeks, which I’m sure is a treat for the wife. This one is another culprit, not helped by the fact that it is being used in a TV advert just now.

3) Can you touch your toes?

Yes I can touch my toes, I can even see them when I look down. Hard to believe, but there you are. You do mean with my fingers, right?

4) Will Claire getting a girlfriend on Heroes boost ratings?

The cheerleader? She’s getting a girlfriend? That isn’t…I dunno…what’s the word I’m looking for…tacky? Desperate? Don’t get me wrong, if the relationship develops and it’s something that you can buy into with the characters that’s fine, but many times on TV these things are just included to get some girl-on-girl licky action to do wonders to the viewing figures. Besides, as a Shortpacked! fan I’m just interested in seeing one lesbian relationship make it. Leslie deserves some happiness (if you don’t get that reference, go read the comic!).

5) Do I know the meaning of the word “rhetorical”?

Would I feel any better or worse if I answered this one?

6) What would you do if you smelled smoke outside but couldn’t determine the source?

Probably say “Can you smell burning?” to my wife and see if she could help me work out where it was coming from. It would depend on the strength of the smell – if it was faint I would just assume someone was burning rubbish somewhere. If I was choking on it then I would probably want to get help*.

7) What is the strangest porn spoof you’ve ever heard of?

I’m surprised that when I think of it I can actually name a few, but the two best ones (that I assure you are real) would have to be “Lord of the G-strings” and “Playmate of the Apes”. You know, when I read that sentence back, I get a real tingle of pride. By god, this was what they invented the internet for.

8 ) Is it good to speak your mind?

Yes and no. There is a time and place to speak your mind, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it’s wiser to keep schtum for a while and think. We all get into situations where we want to say what we want and damn the consequences but we live in the real world, so you need to think about what you want to say. Will it hurt someone? Will it help you achieve what you want to achieve? If you say what you want to say, what will the consequences be?

In my life I have met people who take a great deal of pride in being straight shooters, who are always going on about how they “say it like they see it” and other such rubbish. In my experience those people are just rude and are looking for a face-saving excuse to cover up that fact. There’s nothing wrong with having your opinions and knowing what you want to say, but it’s a wiser person who knows the difference between what you want to say and what you should say.

9) Would you rather be hit with a nuke or a biological weapon?

Depends how hard you swing it!* Blimey, this is a heavy question for a light-hearted poll! If I had to pick I would probably say a nuke, at least that way it’s over in the blink of an eye (assuming you’re close to the ground zero). Anyway, knowing my luck I’d probably survive a biological weapon attack and smash my glasses just as I found a bookstore.

10) Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

I dunno, but you should know that she also travels in time, so you might need to check the same spot at different points along the space-time continuum. Could she maybe have stolen someone’s transport?

So there you go – ten question, ten answers, and about one or two laughs if I am lucky. Thanks to MCF for asking the questions!

* That’s what she said.

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