July 2011 

Hi Kev!

Sorry it’s been so long since I have written to you but my assistant keeps telling me that she isn’t available for dictation. I have been forced to handle my own mail, if you can believe that. What is the world coming to?

How have you been? I was a little worried when I saw that you have been working so hard on your new play that you have developed a limp and that in the true spirit of the theatre, which as you know I share with you, that you go on stage every night limping even during the performance!

I hope you see a doctor soon or you might develop a hump.

Do you need an understudy??

I’m sure my assistant would be glad to mail me to London to help out.

For the past few years I have been working on my new book about you between naps. It has taken a lot out of me. My plan was to write a totally accurate biography of sorts from your humble beginnings to your showbiz greatness, but somehow it keeps turning into a book about me.

I am almost halfway through the third paragraph in chapter one! I struggled mightily with the first paragraph so finally decided after months of torment to skip the second and go on to the third. My next goal is to decide how many paragraphs should be in a chapter so I can then decide how many chapters should go into a complete book. I never knew that expressing creativity could take so much time and energy.

I hope you have (or had depending on when my assistant ever gets around to mailing this) a wonderful birthday and that you celebrate with a lot of friends.

Yours truly,