Work Header

The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

Work Text:

Bilbo the hobbit led a quiet life
Pipe and tea, not war and strife
Until one morning bright in May
Gandalf the wizard swept him away

First came dwarves in hooded cloaks
Bilbo thought them outlandish folks
The dwarves from home had been displaced
From their mountain they were chased

A dragon also took their gold
And kept it under mountain cold
Determined were they to return
Despite the risk that all would burn

While the dwarves of treasure spoke
Bilbo's adventurous side awoke
Thus he quashed his fears and left
Intending to commit a theft

So went Bilbo adventure seeking
Riding, creeping, flying, peeking
Sometimes bold and sometimes shy
To defeat a dragon, at least to try

In pouring rain one gloomy night
Did Bilbo get his first real fright
Gandalf hid behind some knolls
To save them from the hungry trolls

In Rivendell across the moor
They learned about a secret door
With the elves they took a rest
Weary feet deemed this the best

Next traversing mountains tall
Soon were lost in goblin hall
Bilbo there was left behind
In darkness he was hard to find

When Bilbo found where Gollum lay
A game of riddles he had to play
For both of them the stakes were high
Soon Bilbo felt he had to fly

Gollum's ring he'd found before
Resting innocent on the floor
Gollum keenly felt its lack
And so chased Bilbo to get it back

As Bilbo crept along the floor
He followed Gollum to the door
Once outside he found his friends
Waiting where the mountain ends

Yet still they feared the goblins' might
They ought to travel far ere night
However wargs caught up with ease
To get away they climbed some trees

Trapped by goblins, wargs, and fire
The only road was flying higher
Eagles safely brought them down
Far away from goblin town

Honey bees and golden pear
Filled the house of Beorn the bear
He kindly gave them what he could
Then off they went to cross Mirkwood

Gandalf, to mounting dread and despair
Simply turned and left them there
The dwarves and Bilbo alone now stood
Beneath the eves of that dreaded wood

Yet on they trudged, day and night
Hungry soon and full of fright
The darkness cast by oaks and pines
Sent cold shivers up their spines

Bombur the dwarf fell in the stream
And instantly began to dream
In hunger soon they left the path
Thus incurring elvish wrath

Escaping to a spider glade
Bilbo learned to use his blade
Invisibly thanks to his ring
Bilbo cut and stabbed with Sting

He saved the dwarves by spiders bound
Free, they fell upon the ground
Giant spiders came to see
That their prey yet couldn't flee

Running from the spider's den
The dwarves soon found the elves again
The wood elves captured all they saw
Thus only Bilbo escaped their law

Invisible he stole the key
To set his dwarvish comrades free
Through a trapdoor they went down
In barrels they floated to Laketown

Thorin the dwarf soon was known
As the king of mountain throne
So a welcome warm they received
Only Bard thought Laketown deceived

Newly provisioned they made a trail
To the fragmented town of Dale
The lonely mountain they ascended
Though they feared it was defended

Locating the secret door
Proved to be a daunting chore
Just in time they found the place
Though of a keyhole was no trace

On Durin's day the setting sun
Revealed the door to everyone
Then down the passage Bilbo crept
To see if Smaug the dragon slept

Indeed upon his stolen hoard
Smaug the dragon gently snored
Bilbo to the dwarves went up
But first he took a golden cup

Later Smaug did know a thief
Had come to steal and give him grief
He also knew the thief'd return
Smaug would wait and they would burn

Invisible and silent as well
Bilbo the hobbit forgot his smell
Smaug was not caught unaware
When he again entered the lair

Though Bilbo spoke in riddles to him
Smaug the dragon was not dim
He knew that help from Laketown came
And thus resolved to burn it with flame

But Bilbo saw the dragon's chest
Was unprotected in the breast
Luckily this was overheard
By the thrush, an intelligent bird

Meanwhile Smaug had left his lair
Cruising silently through the air
So in the tunnel dwarves had to hide
While Smaug smashed the mountain-side

Broken was the secret door
Boulders strewn upon the floor
Were they to see the light of day
They had to find another way

Toward the dragon's lair once more
Bilbo strode across the floor
Timidly dwarves followed him
Underneath the mountain grim

Since the dragon was not there
Bilbo walked across his lair
Far ahead and thus alone
He stumbled on the Arkenstone

Thorin wanted this great treasure
The heart of the mountain, his forever
Bilbo hid it, seeing a need
Thorin to protect from greed

Down at Laketown Bard did know
The moment he saw the river glow
That the wrath of Smaug had woken
Soon their homes would all be broken

While the dragon burned the town
Bard the Bowman shot him down
The thrush did tell him where to aim
Thus the end of the dragon came

To the mountain the refugees fled
By Bard they were prepared and led
Hoping for a share of gold
To fund protection from the cold

Despite the charity they'd shown
When Thorin came and claimed his throne
The mountain king turned them away
Not one gold piece would he pay

Bilbo knew this wasn't right
Down the mountain he crept at night
The Arkenstone he brought to them
For trading they could use the gem

By the mountain he also found
An elvish camp upon the ground
And one old man who brought him cheer
Gandalf the wizard was finally here

Next day Bard did try to trade
Yet Thorin felt he was betrayed
He would have killed Bilbo in greed
But Gandalf's orders he did heed

Thorin would not trade with Bard
To part with gold was far too hard
Instead he asked a raven to send
A message to a dwarvish friend

An army of dwarves was on the way
The elvish army was there to stay
Goblins and wargs were coming as well
For of the treasure they had heard tell

The coming battle would also be fought
By men of Laketown who payment sought
Heralding the imminent fight
Dark clouds of war bats flew in sight

The battle of five armies began
Warg and goblin 'gainst elf, dwarf and man
All through the day and into night
Bilbo witnessed this furious fight

Invisibly he slashed and stabbed
Until his attention the eagles grabbed
Although they still were far away
He knew that they would save the day

Beorn in his bear form came
His battle fury would goblins maim
Finally Thorin came to aid
His dwarfish kin with ancient blade

Knocked unconscious Bilbo lay
All through night until next day
Left there where he hit his head
Invisible, they thought him dead

Once he wakened he was found
And gently lifted off the ground
Right away Bilbo was sent
To visit Thorin in his tent

Injured and sorry for his greed
Thorin begged Bilbo to forgive his deed
This Bilbo did while tears he cried
Thus peacefully king Thorin died

Soon after Bilbo took his leave
His departure dwarves did grieve
So Bilbo headed home at last
All peril now was in the past

Except for peril he would bring
That sinister enchanted ring
This he to Gandalf finally showed
As they walked along the road

So Bilbo's adventure came to an end
Leaving him with many a friend
Although the other hobbits near
Now thought that he was rather queer

Despite this once again his life
Was easy and devoid of strife
Yet back to Rivendell, elves to greet
Was Bilbo brought by restless feet