Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Man Should Have to Kill the Bug, Redux

Over at Vox's, debate, rather discussion, rages about whether or not a man's work is harder than a woman's and whether he should or should not help her with household chores. I've left several lengthy comments in Haloscan over there, so I thought I'd spare Vox and the Volk my rantings and thrust them upon my adoring public.

Points in no particular order (you know I love a good list):

* Heavy labor is more difficult than household chores. Mining and hunting for missing socks do not require the same energy or applied power or strength, no.

* If the most difficult physical thing you do in your jobs, gentlemen, is walk yourself to the men's room, while your wife is at home wrangling children, grocery carts, and laundry baskets up flights of stairs...keep your yap shut. (Yeah, DC, I'm not the only one who can dish it out.......honey chil'! Heehee!)

* Don't play one-upsman with your spouse at the end of the day, and I'm speakin' ta both husbands and wives, when he or she is sharing about his or her hard day. This is a request for understanding and compassion, not for a "Well, you think that's horrible, just let me TELL you!" rebuttal. You're teammates, remember?

* Is it really so awful to help out with the things she cannot reach or the things she's not strong enough to do? Is it so bad to help with diaper changes, 3 am. feedings, the kids' baths? Do you not want to serve your wife and your family? Do you not want to spend time with your kids?

* Is it really so awful to get up early and fix him breakfast before he leaves? It it so awful to iron his shirts? (Well, if you stink at it and can afford the dry cleaner bill, send the shirts and suits to be laundered---better for his professional image.) Don't you want to serve your husband?

* Most men want to come home to quiet, orderly houses with food ready to eat. I've heard and read this one. I get it. Why don't some wives get it?

* Sometimes, dear husbands, your wives just want a show of manliness from you...some risk-taking, adventurous action; some heroic feat...may just be killing that bug that just made her squeal. May be showing her that you can carry all the bags of garbage out at once. Or hauling more bags of groceries in than she can. (I'd LOVE for my husband to do that. I have to make 10 million trips from the car. And those plastic bags cut into the soft skin of my hands!) I dunno. I trust Nate and the other Natenick men could give a better list.

* Appreciate her, appreciate her, appreciate her. With compassion, compassion, compassion. Learn her love language. Thank her. Praise her. Thank her in front of people. Praise her in front of people. And when she's not present too. Know when and when not to tease her about being a goofball.

* Respect him, respect him, respect him. Praise him. Thank him. Brag on him. Encourage him. Follow his lead. Bite your tongue in the moments you think he's being idiotic. Let him see you drool over him...I mean about him. Near him? Oh, confound it! You get the idea.

See all I know and have learned? And I'm not even married yet.

What pearls of wisdom have you to share? (Keep it SFW, please.)

Ciao, dahlinks!


Anonymous said...


Sometimes I think you post stuff just to drive DC into a state of wild lust. Good job!

Most husbands with kids do help out (at least all the ones I know) but 3 am feedings well we just don’t have the right equipment.

“Most men want to come home to quiet…” IF not that than there is something else that will cause us to forget all about the other stuff, in fact take care of the “something else” first, a clean house is secondary for most guys.

Excellent post.

Anonymous said...

Last post by Res Ipsa

Difster said...

The thing about carrying the grocieries is funny. I've made it a challenge for myself to carry as many of those bags as I can. My wife would always ask if I needed help knowing perfectly well that I would do it all my self. Often up to 15 bags or so.

digitalcowboy said...

Oy, vey!

Don't get me started!

Miss O'Hara said...

Good post, Miss Elena! While men's work may (or may not!) be harder than a woman's, I think it's a sign of love and affection if he helps out around the house. It is just...common courtesy. Not to mention terribly romantic. And sweet.

Your comment about a couple being a team is important, too. I think many lose sight of that!

Besides, let's be frank - if two are working on the project...it takes less time to complete...therefore leaving time for..."something."

And I'm a nice girl too, and shouldn't even know about that stuff...

Anonymous said...

“What I do want to be is partner.”

Just curious, what exactly are you brining to this partnership?

Why would a man want you?

Res Ipsa

Elena said...

That's my little sister you're pickin' on, Res. Watch it!

Ashley is pretty, funny, artistic, intelligent, and hard-working. She loves to hike and camp. She bikes to class and has run a half marathon. She is a dedicated Christian who enjoys volunteering.

I'll let her tell you her "wife" qualifications, if she so chooses.

WellDigger said...

Ah yes, once more into the fray go I.
A little something from the backward southern guy, and I'll let y'all be the judge of if that is a bad or good thing.
Now I can only speak of myself but to me the male and female roles are integral parts of masculity and femininity. A lady being feminine is a GOOD thing romantically speaking.
I know thqat some folks go in for the emasculated guy thing but I'm just not one of them. I don't even understand how a woman can put up with one.
Seems like the division of labor is eminently fair and the work is better suited to both parties.
What's a good way to put it .... hmmmm... How about this "I'll haul the trash and cut the grass you do the laundry and wash the dishes."
So maybe I'm a sexist pig, but at least I'm honest about it.

WellDigger said...

I tohught the whole idea of being married was that you were not "self sufficient anymore. Insted you traded that in for a shared dependency. You know where the man takes care of the lady and visa-versa. If you wanna be self sufficient then stay single. It's part of the trust and commitment thing. No really, it takes a lot of trust to allow yourself to depend on someone else and it takes a helping of humble pie. These things are integral parts of the "Ties-that-bind" and too much independance in an integral part of the high divorce rate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a matter of perspective.
BTW garage work is the mans reponsibiltiy also anything dirty, stinky, involving serious risk of injury,or otherwise distastful tasks would also fall into his purview. Every good man that I know has a "honey-do" list long enough to keep him busy well into the next century and they appreciate the fact that they do rather than com,plain about it.
I am a blue collar guy so like I say my perspective is probably different from the white collar crowd. You see most of those good men I am talking about do heavy labor for 8-12 hours a day and when they get home they are physically tired and probably half starved. They also share in the vacuuming, emptying of the dishwasher, and various relatively skilless domestic tasks. Most of os would be dangerous with a sewing machine or other skilled application.
While I am digging myself a hole I might as well mention that I don't know any men that don't take every possible chance they get to play and care for their yougin's. When on the occasion I get the chance to borrow a niece or nephew I take great pleasure in reading them a story or a chapter from a good book at bed time. Diapers however are a whole other subject :P
Well my rant is through. Maybe I should consider doin a little of this over at my Blog huh.

Anonymous said...

I am married and have a young daughter. Marrige is never what you plan. When we got married, we talked about splitting chores ect.After five years things haven't gone as planned. Hubby works 60 hours a week and I work 40. We both have to do side work when we get home just to make ends meat. It became increasingly difficult when our daughter was born. Now we both had three jobs to do. Soon the house work became the last thing on both of our minds. I would do laundry when we ran out of cloths and he would take out the trash when he finally got sick of me nagging (nagging because he would get so engrossed into his computer game that he would forget what time it is and on the flip side he would beg me to do laundry and i would forget because I was to busy taking care of the midget or doing website work).

Finally after about a year we both said enough is enough. We have laid out a schedule of when certain things get done (like I do laundry every wed and sun and he takes out the trash every mon and thurs) and even rotate days when one of us would care for the little one (that way each of us could get a little break from the everyday). This seems to be working out well.

My point is that both men and women get lazy and try to pawn some of the work off on the other. Eventualy, no matter how stubborn you are, you will give a little more on one thing and take a little less on other things. That is, if you are willing and if your partner isn't one who likes to wait on someone hand and foot (and yes ladies there are still some out there who do. It is all in the era you were raised).


Elena said...

Interesting... Tiger, welcome to the blog. I'm curious: how did you find my blog, and how did you come across this post from almost 2 years ago? (other than browsing through the archives, which is one obvious possibility)

Come back any time! :o)