Is listening to my body good for me?

Last week I talked about how we aren't encouraged to take care of ourselves. We want so badly to be productive, we ignore our physical needs. Even though productivity seems so important, so is taking care of yourself. Listening to our physical bodies can actually make us healthier. 

 It turns out that listening to your body is correlated with lower weight.  

One study found that people who are good at listening to their bodies tend to have lower BMIs (a high BMI is a risk factor for decreased longevity). Hard-working and self-sacrificing dieters love to believe that ignoring hunger is making them skinnier. This research says otherwise.

Physical self-care is a beast of its own. It includes eating, sleeping, exercise and rest. The best way to way to measure if we are getting enough is through listening. 

We are good at listening to our bodies if we consistently respond when we feel a physical need. 

Just like you go to a crying baby, we need to attend to the little cries of our bodies. Do you eat when you're hungry? Do you stop eating when you're full? Do you sleep when you're tired? Do you drink water when you're thirsty? Do you go to the doctor when you're sick? Do you floss when there's something stuck in your teeth? 

Every time we listen when our bodies call out for help, we build trust and intuition. The better we know our bodies, the more likely we can make them healthier. 

Why we're bad at self-care


I hope you had a pleasant Valentine's day and President's day weekend. Self-care is important. Self-care, self-love. Whatever you want to call it. 

A lot of people (like yoga instructors and crystal enthusiasts) talk about self-care. 

It always sounds like meditating in your kimono after a luxurious bubble bath. I should say that I am terrible at self-care. I think most Americans are too. 

That's the reason this post came late. Last week, I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I was hungry and promised to hang out with a few people. Having gotten up at 5 AM, I felt I wasn't honoring the tradition of self-care if I sat down and wrote on a Friday night, even if it was about self-care. How could I write a blog post about it?

Today, I am pushing past the pain to write.

Because that's what we do. The reason that most of us struggle with self-care is that we feel like our bodies are thwarting our productivity. 

This is otherwise known as "protestant work ethic." American culture highly values productivity at all costs. The "protestant" piece of this definition alludes to morality. We work hard because we want the American Dream (which is promised to those of us who are willing). We also work hard because it is MORAL. We feel like we aren't good people if we're not working hard. 

We are always supposed to be working. But, let's just say, for the sake of argument, that you need rest.

For example, we all know, that sleep is necessary. Not getting enough sleep is equivalent to being intoxicated.

How many times do you find yourself giving up sleep in the service of some big pay-off? Whether it was making a diorama in 3rd grade or answering emails at midnight, you've likely given up a lot of sleep for school, your career, or relationships. 

We have been conditioned to DENY our bodies for the greater good. 

Many believe that our bodies are impure. If we left it up to our bodies, we think there'd be nothing but looting, pillaging, and cookie dough binges. 

This belief prevents us from loving our bodies. 

Love is, after all, about trust. This is at the crux of intuitive eating. We need to re-learn trust and respect for our bodies. 

If you want to feel better about your body and food, the first and most important step is LISTENING. 

Next week, I'll talk more about what self-care has to do with intuitive eating. Sign up below to get the post emailed to you directly!

How to stop eating peanut butter out of jar

When I used to have water polo practice from 9pm-11pm at night in college, I would get home at midnight. I just played 2 hours of water polo, so I was pretty friggin' hungry. 

But..... I was on diet.

I was carefully counting calories. I was purposefully not buying things from the grocery store. Most importantly, I heard from Oprah or someone that you shouldn't eat after 7 PM.  

Sometimes, I would successfully eschew the fridge. Other times, I would try to just have one tablespoon of peanut butter. 

But more often than not, I ate a lot of tablespoons of peanut butter. Like sometimes I would pull a muscle in my mouth voraciously scooping peanut butter. 

I felt out of control. I was so frustrated and ashamed. 

Isabel Foxen Duke, founder of Stop Fighting Food, calls this “feeling crazy around food.” 

Isabel Foxen Duke is one fabulous babe. In fact, a lot of her work was really critical to me healing my relationship with food.  I've listed her as a reference for like a million blog posts. 

I'm not the only one. Isabel is one of the most well-respected coaches in the emotional eating world. Her approach is about changing your mindset around food. 

 If I had these videos when I was binging on peanut butter, I would have realized that I needed food. Eating peanut butter was actually a pretty good choice. 

If you're tired of swinging between "this time I've got it," and "what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I get my hand out of this peanut butter jar?" I encourage you to check her out. 

Isabel’s offering a free video training series. The series unpacks the emotional and psychological  components to changing your relationship with food. 


Here’s the link again to sign up for this free training


PS: I am a paid affiliate for Isabel's program. She still does a kick-ass job though. Even Ricki Lake likes her. If you sign up using my link, you can help me pay my squarespace rent. 

It's not your fault

Here is a confession: I'm looking for a job. 

As some of you may know, this experience is excruciating. It's filled with a lot of emotional ups & downs. 

I find myself obsessed with dotting is and crossing ts. Or, nowadays, checking punctuation and removing the passive voice. Does my resume just not have enough action verbs? Maybe it's my formatting? Maybe I need another certification? Should I go back to school? Maybe I'm being too ambitious? 

It reminds me of dieting. 

This was how I thought of myself when dieting: I was doing everything just a little bit off. That was the reason why I "wasn't losing weight." I ate 12 too many crackers. Or maybe I'll add an extra mile to my run. It's because I ate 4 servings of vegetables instead of 5. 

All the skinny women in New York City seemed like living proof that being skinny was an achievable goal. I felt like it was my fault that that I wasn't skinny. I was in control. It seemed like it was achievable. 

Sometimes the truth is that we are not in control. 

The mechanism through which most people apply to jobs is pretty broken. It's the farthest thing from meritocracy. It's usually nepotism or something like that. It's not about my action verbs or my certifications. So far, I've only been able to get interviews at companies where I know someone. 

Diet's don't work either. 

They don't take you where they promise they will take you. 

It's not your fault that you haven't lost those 10 pounds. It's not something you did. It's not because you skipped the MCT oil. It's not because you ate 12 crackers instead of 6. 

Just like it's not women's fault that they're not in C-level suites. It's not because we say "like too much." It's not like ALL WOMEN lack professionalism. It's not as if women leaned in enough, we wouldn't have a pay gap anymore. 

If you're still stuck in diet mode, you can stop blaming yourself too. 

The reason behind my blog name

The Women's March on Washington (and a bunch of other places) is today. 

It's got me feelin' all fuzzy about being female. It's pretty awesome to see all these women coming together. 

The past few weeks I've been writing about things you focus on instead of weight loss. 

Behind this work of intuitive eating is a greater cause: lifting women up. 

I feel strongly that women are held back by worrying about weight. When I started Phenomenal Jane, it was because I wanted women to be stronger. I wanted women to feel good enough already. 

Unencumbered by concerns about beauty, we could change the world. 

One time in middle school, I read Maya Angelou's poem Phenomenal Woman. I liked it so much, I kept a copy hanging up on my wall. It still is hanging up on the wall in my childhood bedroom. 

I hope one day that every woman feels as confident as Angelou did when she wrote this poem. Every woman. Even the plain janes could be Phenomenal Janes.  

by Maya Angelou


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies. 
I say, 
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips, 
The stride of my step, 
The curl of my lips. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please, 
And to a man, 
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees. 
Then they swarm around me, 
A hive of honey bees. 
I say, 
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth, 
The swing of my waist, 
And the joy in my feet. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me. 
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery. 
When I try to show them, 
They say they still can't see. 
I say
It's in the arch of my back, 
The sun of my smile, 
The ride of my breasts, 
The grace of my style. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed. 
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud. 
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud. 
I say, 
It's in the click of my heels, 
The bend of my hair, 
The palm of my hand, 
The need of my care, 
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.



from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.



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