Eight days ahead

Regardless of how you do it, I figured, courtship will always be a series of oppressive actions. I mean, why bother asking someone to do something that they're not into in the first place? Why bother going to someone, stating your intentions, and persuading the other side to do the same thing? Why show off your good side so that the other side will go towards you?

Isn't it better if you just let things happen, the way nature wanted it to be?

Well, of course, it'd be very chaotic. Just imagine dogs picking out other dogs at random and start humping each other on the street. So, apparently, I have to earn your approval. I have to prove that I am the person made for you, and I have to prove that my love for you is genuine and all that. Most importantly, I have to make you feel the same way for me.

Then again, in every case, this is a very high hurdle to jump, because almost always the other side doesn't have anything. You don't care about me. You don't give a toss about what I say or what I do. You don't mind whether you're giggling because of this and that, because you don't want to be in a relationship, because you don't see the use in all of it.

But of course, time and again, I'll be proven wrong. I am the product of my parents, and before I was even conceived they were already together, having all these cheesy feelings about each other, and being capable of going to a million dates (during the tail end of Marcos' tenure at that) without getting bored of each other. My mother fell in love with my father. My father fell in love with my mother. But the gap here is, who fell in love first? Who made the first move? Probably my father, since that's what society favors. So my father asked my mother to fall in love with him too? Isn't that asking too much?

I did tell you, love is selfish.

Let's just say I love you. Thanks to what everybody else is doing, I am compelled to show you what I feel. And I am compelled to make you feel the same way. I'd have to do everything - from giving you teddy bears that you would give to your cousins, to sending you short notes that contain the worst lines ever conceived by man - to make you do so. You have to feel that sensation. You have to feel special, and when that happens, you have to come to me and everything will be well.

In that case, then I was totally insensitive to what you really feel. You hate me because I'm doing these ridiculous things, and you hate me because I'm trying to push my way into you, and you hate me because I have pimples in my nose and a wart on my finger and an unusually big tummy and a weirdly prominent moustache.

Never mind that you're insensitive to me too, and all that.

Isn't love just supposed to happen? Two people find each other and, give or take a few days, can go into the convenience store holding hands. Never mind a few weeks of letting go and getting used, but the next thing you know, you're perfectly happy, and perfectly special. Perhaps until you get bored. I don't know. But given all the crap we've been taught about freedom and free will and equal opportunity, courtship - the beginning of everything wonderful - is a series of oppressive actions.

I can't pull your arm towards me. And I can't hug you. Or you won't let me. And I can't force you what I want, the same way you'd force me what you don't want. And I hate you. And yet.

And your responses...

frankly, si rae ulit siguro yan. hahahaha.

Blogger Niña2/07/2009     

Applause, my friend. Perfect. :D

Anonymous Claud2/10/2009     

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