Polyester On My Seats, Pain In My Feets

Q: What causes a person to walk into the sodden air of St. Louis in June, breathing deeply the soaked sponge atmosphere and stepping gingerly so as not to exacerbate the shooting, bone-deep pains in their feet, legs, hips, and back?

A: Bartending.

I can’t really explain what it is about bartending that I like.  I mean, I do like it, and I know I’m good at it.  I’d like to say that I’m not completely sucky at serving, either, even though I’ve only done it for two shifts now and neither of those shifts was terribly busy.  So I guess I can say that when business is slow-to-moderate, I am not 100% bad.

Serving is bad, though.  Very, very bad.  Only masochists would do it willingly.  Or possibly sadists, I guess, but I don’t have the energy to make someone else’s shitty just because they’re being dicks.

Like this British woman today.

Can you sense trouble when it walks through the door?  How about when it looks at you, twisting its thin-lipped, livery mouth into a perpetually sour expression?

What is it with people who go out to have a bad time?  It’s one thing to get a little out of sorts every once in awhile when things just don’t go your way.  But being the kind of person who starts out in a crappy mood, takes their crappy mood out on everyone, leaves in a crappy mood, and actually seems to enjoy being in a crappy mood all the time?  Couldn’t you people just stay home?

I promise: I am not the proprietor of the Fashionable Male.  I don’t think the customer is always an asshole.  But when you are a customer and you do act like an asshole, you can’t expect me to act like I’m grateful for your business.   And when you’re an asshole and I still act like I’m grateful for your business (because I am good at my job), maybe you’re not really cut out for interacting with other human beings.  Sit in your house and microwave yourself some pizza rolls, you grotty bitch.

You know, she was the only horrible customer I had.  Everyone else was nice, fun, and behaved in an acceptable manner for adults who decided to go out in public.  But people like that woman?  They make me want to fill a tube sock with batteries and just wail on someone.


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