A Return To Home

Home has always felt like a distraction. A place that I needed to get away from in order to be productive or to achieve accomplishments. Home in this instance can mean many things; my childhood home, the people closest to me like family or hometown friends, the town I lived in. Or even simpler, just getting out of the house. The dishes and laundry are distracting as well as the loved ones around wanting your attention and time. I need to get out and be a person!

Someone in the world, moving around and shaking things up. Meeting people, being influenced and being influential. Causing a stir and raising questions. Proving that I have an affect on things and that people see me and my efforts. Sharing ideas with personalities that don’t know your history, that don’t know that time you cried because your dad went to the video store without you and he had to go again just to make you happy. People who don’t know that you talked to yourself constantly as a child (but what they didn’t know is that I had simply created a made-up world I lived in with characters that had roles and in which I would have conversations with). The difference is that now I write down the things the characters say and enlist others to talk my own words back to me and we call it screenwriting and acting. How lovely that there’s a named profession for the heady games I’ve been playing since I can remember!

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice’s older sister “pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after time, be herself a grown woman; how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of childhood..”
Lewis Carroll

That’s just it. No matter how much I’d like to depart from the things that grew me to be the person I am, the truth is, I can’t look in the mirror without seeing all of this. And in kind, I must pay it it’s due respect. More than that. I now cherish the comfort that comes with knowing there are other humans on this planet that know my truth and accept it. They know where I came from. They dry my eye when my heart breaks over simple things and they’ve stopped asking me to do something else with my life. Now, more than ever I’ve felt grateful and more at peace with where I came from. I’m comfortable at home. I want more home. I’ve better learned how to achieve moments in life when simple and complex are able to coexist. It is like a return to ones origin. Something that takes many trials and errors to accomplish. To fly and then to return, knowing that you can fly again is quite the achievement.

We can say the same for the recent victory SpaceX experienced. With many trials and errors, they had a successful launch and more importantly…return. Described fully on arstechnica.com in the article by Eric Berger entitled “With a historic landing, SpaceX launches new age of spaceflight” he states: “…the Falcon 9’s first stage had rocketed nearly 200 kilometers (120 miles) into space far off the Florida coast, used nitrogen attitude thrusters to make an abrupt U-turn, fired its engines to create a reversed ballistic arc, and finally reoriented itself for re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere with the engines pointed toward the ground for a final landing burn.” Something that’s never been done before and that promises a future of space exploration that is more frequent and more affordable. This spacecraft not only came back to earth upright but created a return to U.S-only materials. SpaceX is the only space exploration company that does not rely on Russia in any way to provide any of its parts or technology for the flight. All the more reason for more flights like this one to take place.

A curious motive divulged, however, by SpaceX creator Elon Musk. He says that the goal of this mission was to ensure a feasible creation of a colony on Mars if there ever were to be a threat to the human race. It almost feels ironic that in this effort for Falcon 9 to return to Earth, in fact the real return will be more of a departure. To preserve something so primitive and precious such as life, we must consider an existence so far from home we must actually leave the planet. The ultimate departure from home to preserve existence, yet such a primitive motive, one that reeks of survival. With the possibility of the right technology to build a world away from our own in order to exist, I must wonder if we would actually thrive. Something about being that far from home leaves me wondering if depression could lead us to our demise.

In Episode 10 of DIMENSION Des prepares a nice dinner for Henrietta as he divulges stories of his childhood. A practice that is endearing but one that Henrietta can’t participate in since she has no idea of where she came from. Her memories begin when she entered this world only a couple of years ago. Her curiosity and yearning to get back to wherever she came from is a strong driving force in her actions and no matter how comfortable Des makes it here for her, no matter how much he loves her, it will never be enough to curb her appetite of discovering the truth. Of finding her home. Because it is the feeling of home, of satisfaction and rest when one finally discovers the truth. When one is able to feel whole.



I wonder if the human race is capable of ever feeling whole existing so far from our origin. So far from the trees, mountains, oceans and air that can only exist on the planet Earth. Our bodies will survive but will our hearts thrive in such an unfulfilling environment so different than ours. Will our future generations on Mars feel the invisible piece missing even though they have no memories of their home…their planet Earth that the previous generations threw away. Will their hearts be empty, with no possibility of ever returning…home.


Cause & Effect





Alice in Wonderland






Better luck next dimension.

‘Tis Love







 Alice in Wonderland



Nothing But The Truth

If I had to choose a premise for my life, it might be this: to search for truth. I am always looking for the right answer, weighing the odds and evaluating all angles of the debate. I don’t know if I have a maniacal need to be correct or if I just want to get answers so I can essentially, well, get on with it.

I also value time to a fault. I find myself being blunt so everyone can just move forward. Forget wasting time fumbling around while polite people with answers just watch. In the name of being polite of course. I’d rather know the truth. I believe it saves time. If it goes unappreciated or is misunderstood, I’m kind of okay with that. Not to say that I’m always right. In fact, it’s best when I might not be because out of this uncertainty is born a debate and with a debate we then have choices. Isn’t this the point? Through a well crafted and structured debate we can better explore and seek out truths. Sometimes they are individual truths and sometimes they are more universal but what we have at the end of this exploration is an informed choice that we can get behind.

Or maybe it’s all much simpler. Some things we do just know. We discover them and then we accept them as truths. There are many foundations that we can rely on such as gravity on Earth, water being wet, fire being hot. Though I invite you to question even these things. I say this because if no one ever became curious as to why fire is hot, we might not have learned that there are different degrees of hot and that there are different parts to a flame that also vary in temperature. Someone had to make a choice to seek more, to learn more, to find a more whole truth.


On July 23, 2015 (coincidentally my birthday), Nasa put out a press release stating that the Kepler 452b, a planet that is about 1,400 light years away and it’s sun, is the closest replica to our own planet Earth and Sun. It orbits in what they are calling “The Goldilocks Zone” because the planet must orbit at just the right distance from it’s sun in order for it to potentially be warm enough to have flowing water and support life (nasa.gov). Turns out they have discovered about a dozen of these Exoplanets but Kepler 452b is only slightly bigger than Earth, making it also the closest in size thus far. It’s not possible for us to travel 1,400 lightyears to possibly walk on this Earth 2.0 but we’re hoping to learn more about it’s surface from satellites. It will help us paint a better picture of the truth behind our own solar system. This other earth is also much older than ours, giving it ample time to have developed life if it were ever capable of doing so. Perhaps this Earth 2.0 will give us a glimpse into what future our own Earth is fated. Or perhaps Kepler 452b is long gone and we are looking at an image of light that finally traveled far enough for our measly satellites to detect. Rather than looking into the future, we are in fact looking into the past.

In other words, things are not always as they seem. Best demonstrated by Lewis Carroll in his depiction of the Cheshire Cat in Alice and Wonderland. He appears when and where he wants and not always as a whole cat. Sometimes just a smile or a head. He seems to exist because Alice and other characters are able to interact with him, but his ability to fade from our senses makes his whole existence somewhat questionable. Science is often built on such shaky ground, lending more reason to continue the mad search for truth. Any evidence of it, even a grin will be enough.

In Episode 7 of DIMENSION Shondra is undercover as a diner waitress only to be briefed of her next mission later that night at CIA headquarters. Learning that she must devise yet another disguise to get close to the infamous Lou’s right-hand man, Samag Kim. A disguise, within a disguise, within a disguise all to search for a criminal that no one has ever seen, not even Samag Kim. Lou exists only by her actions. Much like a far off star still exists light-years away long after it’s death or the Cheshire Cat’s grin catches our eye, a criminal named Lou wreaks havoc. Shondra became a CIA agent in order to search for truths and hoping that she might find clues about her own mysterious past. What Shondra doesn’t know is that she might not be so different than Lou. Their goals might not be so separate in nature. They are each trying to come closer to something real, something definitive.

Or could it be that we already know the answers and are unsatisfied with them, so the search continues. Unable to accept our fate, we look for other worlds. Other versions of ourselves. Something to compare our own truth with. An Earth 2.0. So how do we know when to stop searching? Is there ever a point of certainty? Perhaps the answer to this question is in the decision-making itself. Meaning, it’s a choice. I mean, isn’t this the point?

Heart of the Heart

Scientists are true romantics. They have to invent hope when there is none, imagine a better outcome when faced with tragedy, and see a light on the path when all else is shrouded in darkness. They live and die on the belief of a better day. If that’s not faith, I don’t know what is. They are true futurists who believe being wrong is simply part of the journey, and the goal is always worth the wait. Some of the best artists I know. I had the pleasure of visiting the decommissioned space shuttle Endeavour. It was massive and majestic. Something about being in a room with an object that traveled past the Earth’s atmosphere twenty-five times, tried and true, just has an affect on a person. The impulse to touch it was pretty strong, but then again I have the impulse to touch everything I’m near: flowers, buildings, leaves, cacti…that last one is usually a mistake. The streaks from bursting through the Earth’s atmosphere were painted up and down it’s underbelly, and the black paneling had a light fade. Something about it felt alive. As if we were in a room with some sort of entity or a large and wise aging animal. To say the least, it was beautiful.


A creation conceived by many collaborators. Many artists with science oriented degrees who believed in something more than the rest of us. Creating new limitations. One of these hopefuls was my father. I remember growing up surrounded by photographs of space shuttles, submarines and jet planes on the wall, all projects that my dad had contributed to. We even had special clearance once to visit another space craft that was being held at Boeing when I was young. I remember being able to actually go inside it, unaware of the rare opportunity I was gifted with. We bought space food as a novelty and were bored quicker than we should have been. But I don’t feel guilty about that. It’s the nature of children to want to move forward. On to the next!

It’s the spirit of the future and scientist understand this. Just like a true romantic, they meet eyes with the girl across the room, and sparked with a glimmer of hope, cross the floor to try and build a future on a mere glance. Children and creative thinkers have quite a lot in common actually. They take the parameters that are given them and then jump at the opportunity to bend them. I came across this passage in Through the Looking Glass at the bottom of page 221:

[Alice] said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age I always did it for half an hour a day. Why sometimes I’ve believed as far many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

This insistence to conjure and question is how we get to space. It’s how we get to explore Pluto and further examine our findings. The understanding that there will always be more to discover and that the unknown shines with opportunity is the stuff scientists are made of. In order to do their jobs effectively they must imagine a world that doesn’t exist yet. For example, the terrain of Pluto isn’t too different than that of Earth’s. Sure, it’s a more hostile atmosphere than ours and it’s land is made up of exotic ices, but they found water ice too. Nasa.gov also stated in a segment called “Pluto In a Minute: What’s Inside Pluto?” that it’s not “completely impossible that a sub-surface ocean could exist on Pluto”. They found mountains, rocks, craters, glaciers and a nice big heart. Right on the side of Pluto there is a lighter area in the shape of a big heart. It is this area that they found Sputnik Planum (the icy plains region) or the “Heart of the Heart”. It’s very romantic actually, the idea of there being a heart within a heart.


In DIMENSION we were introduced to the character Lou in Episode 5. Now in Episode 6 we witness Lou masterminding a huge robbery heist while she flees the scene by jumping from rooftops and hiding right under society’s nose at a café in visible proximity of the crime site. She enjoys an espresso while watching the inferno she created gain momentum. Her interest in crime has more to do with creation and control than it does with hurting others. I often refer to Lou as the “id” of the three characters (Shondra and Henrietta being the other two) that once made up a single person in a previously lived dimension. Lou has animalistic tendencies and is reactive. Her search is fueled by fury and revenge. She believes that once she finds the source for her vendetta, she can retract and hide away, perhaps even lead a quiet, normal life. Scientists have heart but so does Lou. Scientists imagine our futures through their infinite dedication to create and control and sometimes the outcomes are fatal and sometimes they’re brilliant. Lou may not be a scientist like Henrietta, but she feels the same pain and confusion and is pursuing her mystery in the best way she knows how. The massive plan she is manifesting, the long game, she believes is worth all the pain and loss it will bring, so long as it also brings justice and revelation. A way to move forward. You could say that Lou is searching for her “heart of the heart”. The core of herself and of which she came. They all are. We all are.
But we must search deeper than the icy plains of our surface to discover warmth at our core. To connect worlds, future, past and present. To faithfully envision hope…and to have heart.


Life has a funny way of making you feel stuck. A maze of twists and turns that force you to make decisions, only to find yourself dead-ended, with no one to blame but yourself. It was you who chose to swing left instead of right and it was you who entered this maze in the first place. While staring at the tall, unclimbable wall, smooth, cold and unmoving, we shout explicatives and names of those who might have steered us wrong. Their fault, not ours. Someone else must have caused this detour. Someone else must have it out for us, wanting nothing more but our deep and incessant failure. This ridiculous pause only forces more choices out of us, choices we feel we have already made. Choices that we don’t wish to make again. That curvature in the maze was several twists back, and now you expect me to consider this direction once more? Then again…I guess there are many angles in this path that are quite similar if not exact replicas of those we previously encountered. I guess it’s not so far fetched that this turn produced a similar result as some of the others I’ve taken and I guess it’s not so strange after all that I couldn’t predict what would lie ahead. Although, sometimes this realization takes much longer. A lifetime even.

When Lou arrives in this Dimension, she also feels stuck. Besides the obvious, Lou is about to learn just how stuck she really is. Her memory loss could be a large contributor to these feelings, in that whatever choice she might have made to end up here…is now gone. Wiped from her memory. All she has left is a notion of a past life and a feeling of heartache and for Lou that pain immediately gets translated into vengeance. Not only does she wake up in the desert like both Shondra and Henrietta but she is also buried in the sand in what she feels was some sort of shallow grave. You have to admit, her birth into this dimension was much more traumatic than the other two. Shrouded in darkness and unable to breath from the encroaching earth. It’s no surprise that she felt wronged. Though Lou’s choices appear reactive and hasty in this predicament, in truth her mind is racing with calculation.

This is much like Alice’s struggle with her memory and identity when challenged by her strange surroundings in Wonderland. Feeling stranded and changed when she meets the Caterpillar, he asks who she is and her response is as such:

                                    Alice in Wonderland

Shortly after this conversation with the caterpillar, she grows hugely and unproportionately. Her neck stretching so far past her shoulders that a nearby pigeon mistakes her for a serpent. Could it be that Lou’s true nature is merely misunderstood in this world she has arrived in? Or is it Lou that misunderstands the world. Most likely a combination of the two, it is these types of conundrums that contribute to the complexities of decision-making. Turning the corner in the maze just got more difficult. What is truly the difficult phase, however, is not the choice making itself, but rather the repercussions of the choice made. When it doesn’t seem to amount to a desired result…this is when we experience “stuck”.

But what if the problem lies in what we desire? Lou desires vengeance and will pursue this plan through out the series but many terrible things come of it, with no promise of bringing her closer to her real goal: to solve her mystery and become whole again. Lewis Carroll’s Alice desires to be taller in order to feel more normal but grew past a height she was hoping for and is treated as a villain. Are we the perpetrators of our own conundrums? Perhaps if we accepted our changes and growth, mistakes, influences and all, we would find ourselves less stuck.

It was this morning (that I’m writing this) that the NASA spacecraft “New Horizons” finally made it to Pluto, or should I say the “Dwarf Planet” Pluto. Enabling us to discover things about Pluto’s surface that we were unable to determine before. Things that might force the controversial demotion of Pluto being called a “planet” to be revisited. Science’s choice to create parameters around what defines a planet was a good idea in theory but the determination of which “planets” qualified is proving to have been hasty. Especially since it was widely known that information about Pluto was very limited. Having made these discoveries, it causes me to wonder what the gain of demoting Pluto might have been. Perhaps the science community felt stuck and was simply manifesting solutions in order to superficially move on from the problem. Much like Lou does through her decision in blaming an unseen individual for her predicament. It’s the missing information that should be sought after in order to proceed towards a well-informed choice. It’s the illusion of moving forward that is so much more enticing than being patient in your search.


But when is it too long to wait for an answer? When do you stop searching and start moving? When do we make the choice to call it a “dwarf planet”. The space program lives by hope and small moves towards a larger goal. The “New Horizons” spacecraft will now continue to drift into interstellar space…an undetermined journey, an unmapped future of communication and travel. Much like “New Horizons”, Lou is setting out into an unknown world and hoping to find what she is looking for. Also like the spacecraft, there will be some things discovered that she didn’t know she was looking for. As long as we keep looking, as long as we keep taking those turns in the maze, we will eventually find something…even if it’s not exactly what we were looking for.

The Chicken or the Egg


Anyone whose ever flown or driven across country through time zones has experienced a form of time travel. Sort of. It might not be a different epoch or a different plane of existence but our bodies and minds are put in a position to experience our surroundings differently. We are adjusted to whichever time zone we spend most of our days existing in, so when we leave that zone it feels like an altered reality. Especially if you travel far enough to jump calendar days.

Recently I traveled to Chicago from my hometown Los Angeles (in fact, I’m on the plane now) and came across an interesting series of articles in the airline magazine. You know the one that sits in front of the safety card in the back-of-the-seat pocket. In this case it was Southwest-The Magazine. The article I was interested in was entitled “Perfect Timing” by JK Nickell. It featured a piece about the resurgence of swiss movement stating that the “demand for expert watchmakers returned”. It was “the higher-ups at the thriving young Swatch brand [who] decided to use their success to revive the mechanical industry. Prompting a resurgence of Swiss watches”. Reading this piece made me think of man’s evolution in the necessity of time-telling, which is essentially a way to measure our lives. The more we need to coordinate with each other the more we need precise forms of measurement. Therefore, this resurgence of swiss movement seems to be a mere delicacy. A frivolous yet expensive luxury. But is it? The absence of various exposures of time-telling is both an indicator of how we experience life, as it is also a dictator of such.

Time has a sense of concealment these days. Of being invisible. There are no visible gears, no audible sounds, no winding necessary. We glance at our respective computers, whether it be our smart phones, tablets, laptops or desktops for the time of day. All perfectly synchronized. All perfectly silent. All perfectly…invisible. No child will ask themselves ‘how does this timepiece work’, inspired by its visible moving gears, and try to take it apart. Time has become dissociated and lifeless. Although, to call it lifeless is ironic since this easy and precise way of telling time comes from the invention of the atomic clock. The atom is at the core of each living thing and is now at the core of each atomic clock. Subatomic particles called electrons, when exposed to certain frequencies of radiation, or radio waves, “will jump back and forth between energy states” and the atomic clock measures the exact vibration of an energized atom (livescience.com). So is the atomic clock the truest telling of time? If there are no atoms, does time cease to exist? What is time exactly? “Bound up in this question is an investigation that gets to the core of our humanity: Where did we come from? Where are we going? And really: Who are we?” (“Perfect Timing”, Southwest The Magazine). How does time relate to each of us and how does it relate to the vastness of eternity or infinity? In short, can time telling really be applied to the whole universe.

In Episode 4 of Dimension, Henrietta is composing an equation to define our existence and it’s relation to time. She becomes intuitively privy to her peculiar situation, which is that she might reside from another timeline. If this is possible, then she must scientifically prove it. In order to do that, Henrietta will need to challenge some very fundamental existing physical laws. To begin, we can agree that it is widely believed that time is linear. Therefore, our immediate assumption or thought process towards time travel is that we can either go forward, into the future, or backward, into the past. Henrietta, however, is making the statement that perhaps that is not it at all. Could it be that time is simply moving through space, maybe in all directions and maybe all at the same time. In other words, there is a simultaneousness and a cyclical quality to time. The remaining part of Henrietta’s equation that Des sees on the chalkboard before he erases it is the statement “Constants equals Existence”. The diagram she was working on would look something like this:HENRIETTA'S Equation diagram only copy

  • Action and inertia become one in the same. Both resulting in motion; either reactively or perpetually.
  • Time is defined by existence. i.e relativity.
  • As Action & Inertia manifest, they create constants in the universe. Suggesting the notion of infinitum, an unmeasurable quantity of time that does not exist linerally but in all directions simultanelously.
  • Thus making Existence cyclical, if time is measured relative to space & matter. If existence is cyclical then a “beginning” never occurred. It simply has always been.

We are left with a sort of chicken and egg question. If we refer to Hoyle’s theory on collective consciousness he states, “All times exist with equal reality” (About Time by Paul Davies). He goes on to consider that “by extension, all conscious beings in the universe, human, animal and alien, could actually be the same consciousness, but activated in different contexts at different times”. In other words, the answer to the chicken and egg question is: neither. They existed simultaneoulsy. If time exists in all directions at infinitum, then one did not come before the other, the egg and chicken existed together.

Lewis Carroll also explores this idea of a single or connected consciousness in Through the Looking Glass, “ ‘So I wasn’t dreaming, after all,’ she said to herself, ‘unless—unless we’re all part of the same dream’ ”. This idea of existing as one being would suggest that we all exist all the time. Whether this helps define the formerly proposed questions of : Where did we come from? Where are we going? And who are we? It at least connects us.

“I don’t like belonging to another person’s dream…”

                                                                     Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

Though we might all be consciously connected, I’d have to agree with Alice. I’d prefer to be the one doing the dreaming.

With or without an egg…or a chicken, for that matter.