Deep Throat – Dealing with the gag reflex

Dealing with the Gag Reflex

Deep throat training is really the purview of the throatee and so this article is really written as guidance for the receiver (receiver of the phallus not the receiver of the head job). But it is not a bad idea for the throater to know what the throatee is going through, especially when it comes to hygiene so that is where we will start.

Triggers for the Gag Reflex

The Gag reflex is notably the focus of most discussions around learning the art of Deep Throat. Most people talk about it as some sort of singular function of the human body. An isolated “Thing”. But it is not. The Gag reflex has many facets, multiple trigger points and can be influenced by your state of mind, your breath, your level of anxiety et al.


(Fig 1 – External Urethral Sphincter)

While the Gag reflex is a physical response to physical stimuli, there are other psychological issues that some have to overcome. While there are many who love it, some people have a real problem with the Dominance/Submissive mature of giving a Blow Job and especially Deep Throating someone, or may be affected by latent social stigma attached to the act. The thought of swallowing the male ejaculate (regardless of whether you plan to take it that far), or the taste and/or the smell of it are yet more issues for many. Some think it is icky put the male penis anywhere near the mouth because pee comes out of it. This concern is aggravated by those men who lack the sensitivity to be diligent with their cleanliness. Don’t forget that a bad smell is enough to make anyone gag without even before considering anything entering their mouth.

For girls the urinary sphincter muscle is right at the opening of the pee hole. Once it is shut the flow of pee stops and no drips follow that. Men have exactly the same sphincter in exactly the same place and that puts it at the wrong end of the penis. It is not at the outside opening of the pee hole, that would be the tip of the penis. It is not even at the base of the penis, it is back, underneath, behind the balls (See illustration – right). Men would do well to make a special note of the fact that their dick has a tendency to drip after they finish urinating. Most girls have the decency to wipe when they are finished and yet guys are the ones who drip – on the floor (much to the annoyance of girls) and in their pants, etc, etc.

So before we talk about deep throat training for the receiver, lets make sure the giver is clean. It is hard enough getting past the mechanics of the gag reflex without have to deal with the smell/taste of stale urine.

The Gag Reflex

The gag reflex is part of the autonomic nervous system. This part of the human nervous system is not connect to your consciousness. You cannot consciously control it. However, the autonomic nervous system can be retrained or reprogrammed. Forcing things down your throat repeatedly will get you there and an amazing number of people do just that. They allow their partners to just fuck their face, putting up with any unpleasantness and eventually the autonomic nervous system adjusts. But for most people a forced face fucking is a real put off and spoils any chance of them even attempting anything like it again. With a little perseverance you can overcome your gag reflex with absolutely no pain or discomfort at all.

Retraining the autonomic nervous system is not measured in days or weeks, it is measured in minutes – 3 minutes will do it. This process is for self training. If you are the one wanting to stuff your partner throat, you must understand that it is only the one who will be taking the throat stuffing that will be able to judge how far to go at any moment. This advice is for the stuffee not the stuffer. But I would encourage a stuffer to read and understand what their partner must go through to deal with a throat stuffing.

The process is to touch the neural receptors that trigger the gag reflex but to do it gently enough so you start to feel the urge but not trigger it.

To begin with, you want to use something very smooth and quite thin. A good choice is the handle of a plastic tooth brush. You will find the neural receptors for the gag reflex at the back of the tongue and at the back of the throat. You start with the back of the tongue. Just start tickling the back of the tongue. As the urge to gag becomes overwhelming, back off just enough to stop the gag. The idea is to keep interfering with the neural receptors for 3 minutes almost continually. I guaranty that at the end of 3 minutes you will be able to stand a lot more than when you started.

You can go for as long as you feel comfortable. If you push yourself, tire or your throat starts to get sore, you should stop. This process can be done several times a day with a couple of hours rest between sessions. It is far better to do many small sessions than just pushing things once or a couple of times a day.

When you are comfortable touching any part of your tongue and the back of your throat with the smooth part, switch to the bristles. Start slowly again and build up the nervous systems acceptance of a rough or scratchy touch.

The final step is to acclimate the throat and tongue to the sense of pressure and fullness. I would suggest a dildo about the same size as a male cock. Start slowly from the beginning again. Along with the nervous system the muscles in the throat and neck need to make adjustments as well. If necessary the throat will eventually stretch to take a cock that is larger than it’s original state.

There is no telling just how many training sessions it will take. The time taken is an individual thing. But if she keeps practicing her body will ultimately adjust to having her esophagus stretched and straightened and even having her trachea push forward in her neck to accommodate a cock that is not bending to the natural curve of the throat. You can see this on videos of those with the talent. You can see in this tweet the girl looks like she has no jaw line until she removes the guy’s cock.

You can suppress the gag reflex quite quickly, but throat stuffing will take time and patience.
Posted in Beginners, Oral sex.


  1. Thanks for this write up. I’ve been with my partner/wife for many years now and she just can’t get it right. Secretly I think she just has no desire to deep throat. I’ve just stopped asking for it as she shows no desire to learn or do this for me… Maybe this article might be just the ticket she needs.

  2. This is a excellent topic and very helpful as well as insightful as well. I had to have a good part of my gag reflex removed due to a nasty sleep apnea problem. I kept on stopping breathing during the night and since I had not had tonsils removed like most as a child I went ahead thinking it may be a good thing if it would help me from choking on my own tongue while sleeping. However I later learned this was totally a bad idea. Only thing it did help some with is deep throating a cock some. I have yet to get that past that reflex but its getting much easier as time goes by.

    Do keep up the great work and very insightful responses regarding human sexuality please.

  3. You know why must someone try to learn not to gag when doing this? The man should be happy he is getting a blow job without having to choke his partner. If he was choked and gagged every time he gave his woman oral he would be turned off by it. So in my mind he should try and enjoy what she is able to do.

  4. @Cat – A perfectly legitimate question. As with most of the article on this site, the moral, ethical and philosophical question are not really addressed. The focus is on the physical and technical solution. Many people who are in a BDSM relationship don’t want to suppress the gag reflex at all, but both the giver and receiver relish the gag reflex. Then there are dominants who want to swallow a cock and controlling their gag reflex is part of the act of domination. Then there are those who just want to please their partner either by swallowing their cock or their cum without tasting the cum.

    Certainly, no person (woman or otherwise) should be compelled to do anything against their will. However, that is a caveat for all of the sex acts covered by the articles here.

  5. Max,
    Yes I do agree that your information on here is strictly physical aspects so I really should not have posted that. I have benefited from some of the information you have supplied on the anal activities and how the body works. I guess being woman I just naturally gravitate with those feelings! Ha Ha, but great insight on this website. Thanks!!!

  6. Hi, I just found this website and am really, really digging it. 🙂

    This is overall a good article especially in that it doesn’t contain the weird advice I’ve seen before to actively swallow the cock— in my experience this is an advanced move once the throat is really conditioned, and one is warmed up. If I’m out of practice I find this actually enhances the gag reflex as it tightens things up. When DTing I use the swallowing as a way to provide targeted sensations for my partner,

    However, I do take issue with the assertion that “Deep throat training is really the purview of the throatee”. In fact as a bottom I think there is an awful lot of skill involved with topping. I’ve had good tops and careless tops. The good tops always get a better ride cause I can trust them. I wish there was more emphasis on how to top; everyone would have a better time. I personally have mastered my gag reflex for the most part and it’s the need for breath that is a real challenge.

    If you’d consider publishing I’d be willing to write about this, I’ve been thinking about it for a bit. I just don’t have anywhere to put it. This seems like a good place. I’d even be willing to ask the best DT top I’ve ever had what his perspectives are. Cumulatively he’s probably spent 100 hours in my face.

    In any event, thank you for your service. 🙂

  7. @Plaster – There is no doubt that the skill or behaviour of the Top can have a big influence on deep throating goes. The problem for the Bottom is what to do if your Top is not so experienced or knowledgeable. Also, Bottoms often need to be empowered. Depending on the dynamic of the relationship the Top may not want to make life easier for the bottom.

    Now for partners with more considerate Top’s I think it would be great to get advice and insight from an experienced Bottom like yourself and any of your Tops who would be prepared to make a contribution.

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