Condom in the laundry


MariposaYP 519 2019-04-09 10:08:56

So I find a condom wrapper in my husband's shorts pocket while preparing the laundry, pull it out and think, "hmm, that's awesome, hope he had a good time, and wouldn't it be such a waste of time and energy to feel angry and have to go start a fight over such a sign of initmacy right now" (side note: practicing relationship openness/poly are still pretty new around here, and cheating was never a thing between us)

Thinking it's funny and wanting to share the joy with him, I school my grin into something approaching sternness, hold the wrapper up between my fingers and saunter up to him, hand on hip, saying, "Look what I found in your pocket..." giving him a moment to squirm under my gaze and feel like he might be in trouble, before explaining my epiphany in a aren't-I-so-delightfully-open-minded kind of way.

But all I get is a head tilt saying, wait, when was that?

I prompt, "Well, it's a Magnum, so..."

And he puts 1 and 1 (and 1) together, saying, "Right I remember, I picked that up off the floor after we had [name of another lovely gentleman with a rather impressive member] over to fill your 3-way fantasy the other day...so, really, that one is yours"

Leading to helpless giggles and a mystery solved.

Pretty awesome to be me these days ❤️

*Edit to correct spelling


polytink 68 1h22m

Too funny. I think as poly folks we all have our funny condom stories. 😊

thebardingreen 13 6h24m

My primary (who I live with and am fluid bonded with) found one behind the bedroom trash can from when I had an FWB visit me while she (my primary) was out of town. She taped it to the bedroom door alongside a sticky note with a smiley face, then laughed her ass off at me when I saw it.

PixieSarcasm 10 8h31m

Me and my boyfriend once had to stop and ask the only other person in the house, who just happened to be his ex who is also my ex (but not from the same time period) if she had any condoms as we didn't.

Abla25 10 9h53m

Lol very true; It was laundry day in my house and my mom and I were chatting while in the laundry room and I found condoms in my husband's (then fiances) pants pocket (emptying pockets is so important, I hate the idea of ruining our laundry machines lol). My mom looked up at me wide eyed and I thought, "Here comes the judgment." 😒

All she said was, "Jeez, if you hadn't told me you're poly, I'd think this was cause to call off the wedding." and we both just started laughing. 😅

I'm so happy for open and honest communication amongst my husband and family. ☺

Hyperbole_Hater 1 1d13h48m

Hehe, ain't that the gosh darn truth?

Sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're horrifying tho

time0space 49 3h25m

Lol my condom in the laundry story involves the condom getting trapped in the pump, breaking our washing machine, and covering our laundry in semen. 😬😬😬😬😬😬

Loupak_ 9 3h43m

That's what I was expecting this post to be about ! At least I found your comment so I ended up finding the story I expected anyway

MariposaYP 7 4h19m

There was an incident with a washed wallet several years ago, and now pockets always get checked

eroticas 1 1d2h28m

How... why would anyone put a used condom in their pocket...?

moonraye 33 2h44m

That definitely was a surprising twist at the end of that story! I love it when you guys make posts where it starts a little tense but ends with a great/funny experience.

Also, thanks for reminding me of how badly I want MFM play time. 🥒🍆

YlangScent -19 3h45m


Cmon, keep it clean. We wouldn't be happy if men started posting about how badly they want "FMF play time 🍑🍌👅".

deviantkink 20 4h32m

Why wouldn't I be happy to read that?

The only time I get irked is when the original post (about a triad for ex) doesn't mention sex at all but then random people (usually dudes) turn it sexual.

"You're so lucky to have two women man. Remember to stretch and warm up and drink lots of fluids!" That annoys me because I feel it reduces real relationships to just sex.

But if the post referenced group sex? Then talk about it all you want! I love threesomes with dudes. Dudes can love threesomes with women. That's absolutely fine :)

moonraye 18 4h8m

Not sure if clean is the right word to use. This post does reference a condom, an impressive member, and a threeway, after all.


relayrider 7 3h53m

dunno, am dude, and would be happy to read about FFF play time

Soylenient 3 5h15m

Am F. Idk I'd be happy hearing about FMF play if everyone was happy to be involved. Hell, that's one of my favorite things to do with my partner and a couple of my metas.

subversive_cupcake 3 6h41m

Same! So much same!!! ❤️

rafiki_stonedape 2 9h46m

Is "keep it clean" code for oral? If so count me in, YlangScent!

johnn11238 31 2h41m

My main girlfriend, who I don't use condoms with, found a cute little bowl and filled it with condoms from the box in my dresser and placed it in my nightstand drawer. So thoughtful!

isperfectlycromulent 5 6h26m

Uh, I thought those were gum. That explains some things ....

johnn11238 7 6h35m

I wondered where they all went! Worst. Gum. Ever.

spiritkale 2 5h59m

this is so cute!

Samanoskue 12 2h6m

Awe that's a cute story. We are still exploring this aspect of our relationship. But stories like this seems to make the situation seem so easy going.

subversive_cupcake 5 6h43m

It really can be as long as everyone is open, honest, and truly on board!

Twysted_Irish 12 3h37m

That moment is and should be the model moment as a healthy example of where a healthy relationship has the potential to be.

No jealousy. Hurt. Betrayal. Fighting. Emotional scarring. Yelling. Door slamming. Crying. Separation. Divorce. Custody hearings. Asset assignment. Bankruptcy.

We, as people, cannot avoid change try as we sometimes might.

Hold ourselves accountable and do the work as an adult.

Introspective mindfulness, reassurance , patience, communication and trust shared are really all we need to overcome the pain train you two avoided skillfully and with playfulness.

MariposaYP 14 4h16m

hugely helpful, is that finding a condom in his pocket would be well within the realms of our previously discussed and agreed upon boundaries

Twysted_Irish 3 4h21m

Time and again I see the same pattern. In the absence of communication and honesty with what you truly want you will find hurt.

Compromising your desires never works.

grydes 9 5h20m

We were moving recently and a single serve packet of unopened lube was under the couch we were relocating. I recognized it from a time she was gone for the weekend and I had a girlfriend over...which she knew about. My wife looked and me and I said - “This would be really hard to explain if we weren’t open/poly. 😬” and then we both laughed.

Sooooo glad to be in honest and broad minded relationships.

StrengthCouple 6 7h52m

Wife learned that foul condom wrappers set off metal detectors when we went to a concert after she’d spent the night with her boyfriend. I lol’d while she and the security guard seemed a little embarrassed.

nikanjX 3 4h29m

PSA: Don’t pay extra for Magnums https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/priceless/201004/monetizing-the-male-ego

Fr0gm4n 7 6h43m

That article is out of date and out of context now. The FDA has allowed more sizes into the US market, and as of 2017 the variety has changed quite a lot. The Magnum marketing was limited by FDA testing regulations, not solely by stoking a man's ego without actually providing much real size choice. The US has severely lagged behind in condom size choice due directly to FDA testing regulations and it has led to a popular belief that condoms are mostly one-size-fits-all. And that it flatly wrong.


Altostratus 2 7h27m

I'm a big fan of Skyn large. Never going back to latex!

drinkgeek 1 10h41m

Skyn is latex, just synthetic latex without the trace allergen proteins.

Altostratus 1 11h1m

Okay, chemically, it may be latex still (I haven't read up on the science), but the smell and texture are completely different.

mumstheword571 1 22h55m

So wait... what’s a good brand for larger condoms? My husbands condoms never actually fit right. They’re never long enough.

ActEnthused11 2 7h43m

What a wonderfully positive poly moment

Lollylollypop_299 1 5h45m

Haha love it

elevated-jackalope 1 9h44m

That's amazing 😂😂😂

personman 0 4h58m

What is "ephinnay"?

MariposaYP 8 5h9m

Proof that I shouldn't post in the middle of the night 😋 without spell check

drinkgeek 0 10h48m

"For 'tis the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his own petard; [...]" -- Hamlet, III.iv

Gwynsek -3 8h5m

Adorable, and let´s keep in mind that many cultures are still in the most primitive state of values, killing people for 'extraconjugal' relations, so Poly is also a much more civilized (and spiritually aware) form of relationship, multiplying affection while making sexual variety possible. But what I find as important as, is the development of affectionate ties with those who not yet in the clan (whether it´s a triad or more), so that it´s not just a shallow relationship, which would be tantamount to casual sex.

polytink 2d15h30m

Our particular story was we were at the dump and I was bringing over trash as my husband was emptying the barrel and he’s like uh hey you need to come here. So I came over and he was like you used it, you need to empty it because it was stuck to the bottom of the barrel. He knew it was mine and my bf’s because we had been using different condoms than what him and his gf were using.