The Sexuality Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.


A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).

Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .

However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.


To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements hop over to here -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!


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