love irrigation


I have a lot of love to disperse in the world. Both romantically and otherwise, I pour out a lot of love. I'm not overly sentimental and sometimes my love looks mostly like sarcasm. But it's there. And it's big. For most of my life I've been in long term relationships. These relationships provided a container that held that love pretty well. And when I found myself relationship-less a couple of years ago, I did a lot of investing in myself. That spurred a tremendous amount of personal growth and served to increase the depth of the already deep well of love I was pulling from. You could say that I had an excess of love backed up in a holding pen waiting for..I'm not sure what. But some of that overflow leaked out in the wrong place. I let it flow in a container that clearly wasn't prepared for even the overflow. Which made me wonder, if the overflow of my love is too much for someone, is anyone up for the job of holding the entirety of it? Do they make Rubbermaids that big? Is anyone really meant to hold that much?

This is not a concern about whether or not I have "soul mate" or partner in crime out there wandering the world. It's just me wondering how to build a love irrigation system that allows the proper velocity of love to flow in the most resonant directions. It's like anger management. On Opposite Day. You gotta learn techniques for dispersing it appropriately.

Up until now I've chosen single human containers to hold the bulk of my love. But individuals are just not big enough to hold all of that. And that's ok. I am learning that relationships are not designed to hold the weight of all you have to offer in the world. When you love on a grand scale, it is your great privilege to offer your love to many people in many different ways. It is a waste and a detriment to try to find one place to unload your dump truck of love. Spread the love. Literally.

Amber Gruber