The thing about the future is that it never feels the way we thought it would. New sensations require new terms; below are a few such terms to encapsulate our present moment.


ANTIFLUKE A situation in the universe in which rigid rules of action exist to prevent coincidences from happening. Given the infinite number of coincidences that could happen, very few ever actually do. The universe exists in a coincidence-hating state of antifluke.



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CHRISTMAS-MORNING FEELING A sensation created by stimulus to the anterior amygdala that leaves one with a strong sense of expectation. (See also Godseeking)


COMPLEX SEPARATION The theory that, in music, a song gets only one chance to make a first impression. After that the brain starts breaking it down, subdividing the musical experience into its various components — lyrical, melodic and so forth.


CRYSTALLOGRAPHIC MONEY THEORY The hypothesis that money is a crystallization or condensation of time and free will, the two characteristics that separate humans from other species.

DENARRATION The process whereby one’s life stops feeling like a story.





GODSEEKING An extreme version of Christmas Morning Feeling.

GRIM TRUTH You’re smarter than TV. So what?






INTERRUPTION-DRIVEN MEMORY We remember only red traffic lights, never the green ones. The green ones keep us in the flow, the red ones interrupt and annoy us.



LIMITED POOL ROMANTIC THEORY The belief that there is a finite number of times in which one can fall in love, most commonly six.

LYRICAL PUTTY The lyrics one creates in one’s head in the absence of knowing a song’s real lyrics.


ME GOGGLES The inability to accurately perceive oneself as others do.

MEMESPHERE The realm of culturally tangible ideas.


POST-HUMAN Whatever it is that we become next.

PROCELERATION The acceleration of acceleration.





STAR SHOCK The disproportionate way that meeting celebrities feels slightly like being told a piece of life-changing news.

STOVULAX A micro-targeted drug of the future designed to stop fantastically specific O.C.D. cases, in this case a compulsion involving the inability of some people to convince themselves after leaving the house that the stove is turned off.


ZOOSOMNIAL BLURRING The notion that animals probably don’t see much difference between dreaming and being awake.

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