Why Do We Perceive Sex As So Gross?


“Why do we perceive sex as so gross? Most people think its gross.”

That is one of the questions I received last week from one of my students anonymously on a 3×5 card. Last week we talked about myths and lies about sex from culture. Ironically enough we will be addressing the question this week when we talk about myths and lies about sex from the church. It is actually the third on my list of church myths under the title of, “Bodies and sex are gross, dirty, or just plain unimportant.” However, if we’re being fair the lie of sex being gross is perpetuated by both the church and culture at large (I feel I should clarify that when I refer to the church in this case I’m referring to the Christian subculture as a whole in America. It’s not just a generalization of local church bodies but also Christian pop-culture of books, movies, and bible study curriculum).

I believe the reason why so many, probably not a majority, but a sizable amount of people, thinks sex is gross is because of the fear tactics meant to discourage us from having sex when we’re young. One of the buzzwords of our sex talk is ‘formational’. There are so many aspects of our culture that is formative in how we think about our bodies and sex. Given some of the messages we receive early on about sex from what is said and also what isn’t said has a way of teaching us that sex is gross.

Given how sex saturated the culture at large is some I assume many disagree that it actually uses fear tactics to scare us out of having sex when we’re young. I would point out that most of my students were apprehensive about having a sex talk to begin with because the sex talk they would have gotten at school was extremely awkward. Think back to the sex-Ed portion of your middle and high school health class curriculum. If you remember nothing else you probably recall being shown pictures of genitalia with rashes or worse due to sexually transmitted diseases, and video clips of a childbirth. Why would our culture, which tends to be fairly reckless with their depiction of sex on the opposite end of the spectrum use fear tactics to discourage young people from having sex? Above all else our American Western culture values individual autonomy. One sure fire way to threaten your autonomy before you even reach adulthood is to get pregnant, get someone pregnant, or get an STD. More to the heart of the issue if any of those things happen before you reach adulthood you’ve sent a shot across the bow of your parent or guardian’s autonomy (and their insurance premium). So if scaring you doesn’t work they’ll gladly teach and instruct you in the proper use of birth control and contraceptives. Also I think we would be amiss if we didn’t give some credit to the pervasiveness of hardcore porn to the belief that sex is gross. Most pornography is completely and utterly dehumanizing.

As for the church its uses fear tactics to try and scare you into obedience to God. Often the unintended overwhelming message from the church in regards to sex is that it is not allowed. Well that is until you get married. In the church premarital sin is treated like the unforgivable sin. I’ve read books and heard talks from Christian sources that would have you convinced that if you have premarital sex, you’ll be haunted by ghosts of your sexual past for the rest of your life, that you are used and soiled goods. Whereas the Bible teaches that purity is as much about sex as it is how we treat widows, orphans, and foreigners, the church has created an entire market around sex being the be all end all of purity from purity rings to the “True Love Waits” campaign. One of the most egregious examples of the church using fear tactics about sex, is Kay Arthur’s book The Truth About Sex where she likens sex to a can of Drano. That’s right, she likens sex to a toxic cleaning chemical engineered to clear out a clogged bog. She highlights the cautions and warning labels where it says “May be fatal or cause permanent damage if swallowed. Causes severe burns to eyes and skin.” I get what she’s trying to communicate. Being reckless with you sex life and misusing sex can put you at risk. However, what are the chances that a few teenagers hearing or reading that illustration is ever going to want to have sex even when they get married? In extreme cases they’ll only ever want to have sex in order to procreate or occasionally begrudgingly appease their spouse.

It is likely that both the culture and the church is to blame for why so many parents feel inept to talk to their kids about sex. Sex either becomes part of a child’s null-curriculum leading to curiosity suspicion and at time the assumption that it is wrong to talk about. Some parents feel awkward using technical terms when talking about sex and create code words for body parts and intercourse. Not only does this have the possibility of teaching kids at an early age that sex is always naughty, but it could have even more devastating consequences. I spoke with a psychologist once who told me they and many of their colleagues were witness to failed child abuse cases because the defense attorney seized on the fact that the child referred to their body parts with code words they learned from parents like “flower” and “butterfly” instead of an anatomically correct term.

At the end of the day the fear tactics from both camps fail because sex is good. Sex is designed for us, and in our sinful brokenness we have turned it into something it is not. Despite all the ridiculous illustrations and disgusting pictures of STDs people keep having sex because sex is a tremendous gift that God has given to his image bearers to experience the peak of companionship and oneness. And as with any great gift some people just can’t wait to open it. As with any great gift it can be misused and abused. None of that changes the fact that it is good.


Should Girls Be Held Responsible For Boys Lusting?: And Other Thoughts on Modesty (2nd Edition)

Revised with an additional thought at the end in attempts to keep it balanced and make sure that a double standard is not being communicated while keeping in mind the differences between men and women.

So Says Ced

Yesterday evening I got into a discussion with some of my female volunteers about modesty. Of course whenever there is a discussion about modesty as it pertains to teenagers its usually a conversation about the way girls dress and how boys respond to the female figure. This particular discussion came up because some of the girls had understood our policy against the girls wearing two pieces to trips and retreats as being primarily an issue of not wanting them to cause the boys to have lustful thoughts. For clarification sake I’ve maintained this particular part of our dress code in the youth ministry as being a modesty issue. It begins and ends with modesty. With that in mind here are some thoughts when it comes to the issue of modesty.

Leggings Show More Than Just Your Legs
Could someone please explain to me why we make such a big deal…

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Why Do Kids Feel So Entitled?

Most people agree that there has never been a generation quite like this current one of teenagers and young adults. More than ever this generation is more in touch with individualism, which is just a nice way of saying they are extremely self-centered.  Sociologists have deemed this group of young people the Me-Generation describing them as confident, assertive, entitled and narcissistic.

Over the last one hundred years there has been subtle shifts in the widely held philosophy of parents to raising their children. Simply put each generation has had a different approach to raising their children based on what they wanted for their children thus determining how they reared them. These descriptions are sweeping generalizations that I believe are indicative of the shifts in our society and culture.

WWI, WWII, and Depression Era (1900-1940s)

This generation didn’t have much growing up. Survival of the family unit depended on everyone playing their part. Discipline was very authoritative and you didn’t question it. It is also important to note that the adolescent stage of human development had just begun to be recognized by sociologists and was considered to last approximately 18 months from the age of 14 and a half to sixteen. With the industrial age in high gear this generation ended up being able to do more than just survive they began to succeed.

Civil Rights And Free Love Era (1950s to 1970s)

The previous generation was expected to listen to and respect those in authority without questioning it and play their role in order to survive. They survived World Wars a depression and had come out on the other side successful. The American Dream took flight as more and more people were becoming the first person in their family to attend and graduate from college. Instead of parenting with unquestioned authority they wanted their children to learn to make good choices that would lead to them being successful by emphasizing the consequences good and bad that came with choices made. They were able to provide for their kids more than just the necessities of life that their parents often struggled to provide. Now they wanted to give their kids the things they never had.

Excess Era (1980s to 1990s)

This generation of parents had gotten things and opportunities that their parents never had. They also had questioned the prevailing standards of the day in the Civil Rights Movement, and the prevailing wisdom and morality with the Free Love Movement. They felt limited and constrained by society that had all kinds of expectations on them. This is the first generation that started to do and try things in that were once not thought wise or prudent in the name of self-discovery. Nothing was held back. They raised their kids in a similar fashion where few things were held back and the self was emphasized. They wanted their kids to have everything they didn’t have or had to fight to get.

Post-Modern Era (2000s to Present)

This generation of parents had gotten everything and they still weren’t happy. They had more opportunities and more things than their parents or grandparents, and they still weren’t fulfilled and satisfied. Authority had gone from being absolute, to being questioned, to being relative. They just wanted their kids to be happy. Right and wrong are no longer about what was best for the survival of the community and family unit. Right and wrong were no longer about what the consequences of the choices that were made. Right and wrong were now about what made you as an individual happy, and didn’t offend or harm others in the process. Self discovery has never been an issue with this generation as they have an innate sense of self that enables them to be a little more direct about what they do and do not like, and will or will not do.


Long story short in a hundred years we have gone from a parenting style that was dominated by absolute unquestioned authority, where survival was of the utmost, to a parenting style that can be characterized by parents trying to make sure their kid(s) happy. A better life a hundred years ago was largely about being hard working, dependable, and responsible. The better life narrative today is about living life to the fullest moment by moment, which is characterized by the slogan YOLO, you only live once.  A hundred years ago, even thirty years ago young adults knew they would have to work hard to get ahead and be successful. Even the way products were marketed played heavily on the “you deserve this because you’ve worked hard and become successful” line of thought. Today marketers just tell us you deserve whatever it is without telling you why.  And yet the pressure on kids to perform and excel at everything is higher than ever, because elements of hard work, achievement, and success have still been passed along from generation to generation. Or could it be that the happiness of the parents is now wrapped up in the achievements and exploits of their children. Therefore not only do parents want their kids to be happy but also their own happiness is contingent on the happiness and achievements of their children.

When I talked about this in the past it has been with my team of small group leaders in order to think through how we relate to students as adult mentors in Christian living, and yet assert our authority at the same time so they don’t walk all over us. Some kids respect our authority better than others. Some of us had an easier time asserting our authority than others when kids acted out of line. My guess has been that how we were raised and how they are being raised has a lot to do with it.

More recently I have used it as a way of explaining to parents why I suspect that kids seem to be more entitled than ever. There is a number of books on the subject and many of them talk about the transitions and shifts over the last one hundred years in how kids are being reared, and what has been the active objective of parents; survival, have more, have everything, or happiness. Of course we can’t overlook the role of marketing and advertising and how they sell products. Today more often than not we are told that we deserve these things even though they never tell us why or what we did to deserve it. Maybe that is because the American Dream is less about success and achievement today and more about the pursuit of happiness. Just a hunch.

Food For Thought: Trending Amongst Young Girls… Running & Track Shorts

“In the ten plus years I’ve worked at the food kitchen the groups who come with girls the most inappropriately dressed are white girls with church groups.” That is what two men, independent of one another, told me at the food kitchen in Baltimore last week during our mission trip. I was informed that most food kitchens in the city wouldn’t have even allowed our girls to come in and serve dressed in the attire they were wearing. The attire in question was their shorts. This conversation was had after I was asked to go and discretely get two of our ladies away from a gentleman, though appearing harmless in his wheel-chair, was a registered sex offender. “They are here to serve and should not be displaying that much skin”.

Sure enough, the next day our group of students who were about to leave for the soup kitchen was an all girl group. Every single one of the girls had on a pair of the running shorts. I instructed them to go upstairs and put on a longer pair of shorts or pants due to the feedback I was given yesterday. I received a little push back when I suggested that if they didn’t have a longer pair of shorts they could borrow some from the guys. That is when I told them the rest of what the men who work at the shelter told me, “They need to realize that for many of the men who are coming in here off the street their response and what is going through their head would be no different than if we were to walk those girls through a prison wearing those shorts.” I got no further argument and they immediately went upstairs and changed into something a little more appropriate.

I’m not about to start cracking down on the girls for wearing the running shorts (unless I noticed they’ve rolled up the waistband to make them even shorter). This got me to thinking. Take what I’m going to say, and do with it what you will. Consider it food for thought.

  1. When these girls are home they aren’t in environments where they are going to be around a lot of men, and boys whose response to them is going to be similar to walking them through a men’s correctional facility or prison. However, when considering how rampant pornography has become amongst adult men and adolescent boys the chasm is probably not that wide.
  2. That being said, and as mentioned in an earlier post, I don’t think that women should be made to feel totally responsible for making sure that the men they come across maintain a pure thought life. We don’t want to send a message to young women that if a man makes unwanted sexual advances or worse that they somehow asked for it.
  3. I definitely think that there is a time and a place for short track or running shorts, but all the time? However, the track shorts are longer than many of the shorts that are featured in retail stores with about an inch of fabric beneath the crotch inseam.
  4. Though longer than shorts yoga pants worn with a shirt that doesn’t cover up the rear end is displaying… a lot. One men’s magazine had a little blurb a few months ago about how great it has been for men, but don’t tell the women cause it will “ruin it for the rest of us.”
  5. Shorts of a modest length and still flattering are available without having to special order them or go to great lengths to find them.

We could go back and forth all day about modesty. Having spent a good number of years in retail I am all for women looking good and feeling confident. The difficulty is do you ignore people’s perception of you, fair or not, in the name of looking cute and being “in style”? The best example I can give from my own life was the decision I made to cut my hair and no longer sport corn rows going into my last year of college; knowing that I was going to be interviewing for jobs, and wanted to look professional. I didn’t think it was fair (still don’t) that in many circles, in particular those I would be applying for jobs, where cornrows would likely be viewed as a negative. However, getting a good job out of college was more important to me than keeping my hair-style, nor was my identity wrapped up in it. Granted I wonder if I would have made the same decision if I had known that I was going to be balding in a few short years afterwards.

The One Question Every Student Asks

A few years ago I was at a small graduation ceremony for a handful of students who were homeschooled. I didn’t know many people there , and thus ended up sitting next to a complete stranger.

Most of you who know me know me as an extroverted and engaging person. While I can be very loud and gregarious, I can also be very chill and in a quiet mode. I can be the life of the party but I definitely don’t need to be and will defer to others. All that to say I wasn’t in a chatty mood this particular afternoon. The stranger sitting to next to me on the other hand was all for striking up a conversation.

Upon finding out that I knew the graduate through church because I was one of her youth pastors he became very intrigued. Admittedly most people become intrigued when they find out you’re a youth pastor for various reasons usually to do with your mental health. This individual was intrigued because he was currently in seminary. His plan was to get a job as a Youth Pastor that would hopefully launch him into eventually landing a position as a Senior Pastor. The seminary he was attending specialized in apologetics, so in some ways the question he asked me should have come as no surprise.

“So what do you think is the biggest question that students are asking these days; How can a loving God allow evil in the world, creation versus evolution debate, faith versus reason debate, how can a loving God send people to Hell? In your experience which question is the question students are asking the most?”

I didn’t even have to think about the answer, but I took a second just to look at him in the eyes and pause before I gave him my answer… the answer. I wanted to make sure that when I said it I had his full attention. I also looked into his eyes hoping that in all of his training he hadn’t missed the point entirely. Not that I had something against apologetics, far from it. Something about the way the whole conversation had gone to that point conveyed an arrogance on his part and I felt the need to bring him back down to earth.

“None of my students ask any of those questions”, I said calmly. “There is only one question they ask, and all of them ask it. The question they all ask is, ‘Do you love me? Do you care about me? Will you see me and accept me for who I am; the good the bad the ugly and all the in between?’” How you answer that question will determine whether or not they listen to a word you have to say about all those other questions. If you can’t answer that question to their satisfaction then they won’t care what you have to say about anything.”

Truth be told they have hundreds of questions, but one matters more than the rest. Whether you’re a parent, youth worker volunteer or pastor, be in the habit of answering the one question your student(s) ask in the affirmative. They don’t care how cool or hip you are, they just want to be loved and accepted without pretense, without condition, without having to earn it. 


Party and Rest or Die: Cause Even a Black Man Can Turn Pale

Our facilities manager described me as being pale. Our HR manager detected some exaggeration, “Pale? He’s black. How is it that he looked pale?” Our facilities manager reiterated, “He was pale.”

I don’t doubt her because that is how horrible I felt that day. Two days after Christmas I went into work and lasted one hour before I had to leave. On my way out the Senior Pastor took one glimpse at me and told me to go home. I think I had just enough energy to drive home and no more. Thankfully I made it home and slept pretty much the rest of the day, and much of the next. Considering that the mother of all flus had been going around I was a little paranoid and checked my symptoms on WebMD. I discovered that in all likelihood I was suffering from fatigue, which considering what the past two months had been like I wasn’t surprised in the least.

My youth ministry professor used to refer to Leviticus 23 as the “Party and Rest or Die” commands of the Old Testament. It’s ironic that the same God that gets the rap of being a cosmic killjoy and a general party pooper pretty much commands that we party and rest regularly. Even to this day God appointing times of rest and celebration is probably the most overlooked commands in the entire Bible, by believers and skeptics alike. These commands are not controversial or hot topics because they are not followed by or in the same breath as the phrases we find numerous times in the book of Leviticus, “shall be put to death” or “is an abomination”. I’m here to tell you that on December 27th 2012 I felt like I was being put to death and I felt like I was an abomination. Not to say that God was making me feel that way as a form of punishment, discipline, or to get my attention. However, it got my attention. I needed to be more intentional in getting rest. With a wife undergoing chemo treatments and an energetic two year old I can’t afford to not rest to the point that I hit the wall like that again.

Is Rest a Moral Issue?

For all the precedence that pornography, sex, drugs and apathy towards God take as the main moral issues that face today’s Christian youth, why is rest not one of them? Considering how much experts and sociologists have been saying that today’s teenagers are busier than any generation before them why isn’t rest being treated as a moral issue? Considering that many sociologists are saying that the High School years may well be the busiest time of an individual’s life, shouldn’t the issue and practice of rest be a front burner topic? For our young men who are tracking towards a white-collar industry where “time is money”, long hours is the way of justification, and productivity is their righteousness we can’t treat rest as a side topic. For the young women who are slowly discovering that they are “expected” to be a superwoman, where to be a woman means mastering the to do list, only to be mastered by the to do list, we can’t breeze over this portion of scripture.

Reclaiming Partying and Rest

The importance of and proper practice of partying and resting must be reclaimed. For many teenagers who put in 35-40 hours of school, 15-25 hours of homework, and 10-25 hours of extra-curricular activities a week, they need to learn the discipline of a day of rest now not later. College typically offers them more free time than they know what to do with, and yet doesn’t prepare them for a life in the workforce or running a home. Entering into adulthood without learning how to intentionally rest is to their detriment. Partying by teenagers (and adults) is too often defined by activities that encourage chaos (lack of control and order) impairs the ability to remember, and leads to exhaustion. Youth Pastors need to teach and encourage students how to celebrate properly as opposed to simply instructing them to avoid partying the wrong way. Parents need to instill a rhythm of intentional rest for the family so that it is more natural for teenagers to implement when they become independent.

Here are a couple of tips and thoughts on how to properly party and rest.

1. Running errands and otherwise knocking out things to do is work, not rest.

2. Resting means doing things you enjoy that are relaxing, Things that are rewarding are fulfilling but not restful. Save the rewarding things for the other six days.

3. Day of rest doesn’t have to be the same as the day you go to church, but should still involve reconnecting with God in some manner.

4. Proper rest helps maintain the balance between “man defining his work” and “man being defined by his work”.

5. If you do not rest you will slowly become undone.

6. Proper partying or celebrating allows our present to be informed by the past as opposed to our present being lived in the past.

7. Partying has purpose (typically remembrance), has food, has beverage, and has order. It does not involve disorder (over consumption), destruction, and chaos.

8. The feasts or celebrations of the Old Testament celebrated what God had done, what he was doing, and what he would do.

9. If you do not party and celebrate then life loses meaning.

10. Napping is restful, but rest limited to sleep is incomplete.

11. Partying is fun, but partying hard puts life in jeopardy.

7 Thoughts on Whether Or Not Children and Teens Should Be Allowed Cell Phones

20130307-162958.jpgMy nephew in Scotland called the other day to get our opinion on the topic of whether or not kids should or should not have cell phones, for a homework assignment he had from school. He wanted a simple yes or no answer, and of course I saw it as being more complicated than a yay or nay reply.

When it comes to cell phone usage amongst the students that I’ve been given stewardship of I’m known for being strict. Once on a mission trip in West Virginia where we were told to not permit students to bring cell phones, and other portable devices, my group became known as the group with the mean youth pastor who didn’t actually let students bring their phones. Recently I called a friend of one of my students who was texting her during Sunday School and left a message to tell him that we were busy and she wouldn’t be available until after noon. Yet when I take my eighth graders ten hours up to Cedar Point I let them use their cell phones the entire weekend. The sole purpose of the trip is to have fun so the phones aren’t a distraction. I do however warn them about bringing them into the park just in case they lose them, but I leave the decision up to them.

I didn’t get my first cell phone until I was 26, which not coincidentally is the same age I got a real job. Not a summer job, not working at the movie theatre, not being a host at Applebee’s, but a job with a salary that I could afford to pay for the actual phone and monthly bill. Safe to say most kids will receive a cell phone in half or even a third of that time. They’ll never have to call collect, they’ll never see a 1-800-CALL-ATT commercial. They’ll likely never see a functioning pay phone live and in color. It’s a different world they are living in and yet there are some values, boundaries, and disciplines that young people today need to interact with and acquire. So here are some thoughts to consider as to whether or not young teens and children should or should not have a cell phone.

  1. Who’s Paying the Bill?… My thinking is that if a child has a phone then they should be able to pay the monthly charges they incur. If they can’t afford to because they don’t have a job then they shouldn’t have a cell phone. If they are too young to get a job that affords them a cell phone then they should earn the money via household chores. If the phone breaks, because they insist on the cute cover that offers no protection as opposed to the sturdier, bulky ugly one, then they have to earn and or save up money to replace it. I would even suggest that students be involved in the entire process of purchasing a phone and a plan for said phone so that they can see what all is involved and how expensive it is. However, if you should choose to pay for the phone and they not be burdened with the cost of buying and maintaining it then it’s your phone… they’re just the ones using it. Which also means you can take it back anytime you want, for any reason, no questions asked.
  2. Cell Phone v. Multimedia Device… There are cell phones and then there are smartphones. If you are a parent that wants a way to get in touch with your teen then do they really need the latest greatest device? The answer is no. All they need is a phone that allows them to place and receive calls, and of course as much as I hate to say it, text. Pay as you go phones still make up a pretty big portion of the cell phone market and are a great and affordable option too.
  3. Texting… If you are going to give them a plan that includes text you may as well get them a plan with unlimited texting. Otherwise you can expect some growing pains and high bills as they realize how quickly you can use up the allotted number of texts for the month. There’s really no point in getting a smartphone if you can’t afford to use it to its full potential. Which leads to another thought…
  4. iPhone v. iPod… My observation has been that many students really just want an iPhone. My question is do they really need and iPhone and do you really want them to have an iPhone? Why not just get them a plain phone and an iPod? An iPod can utilize the web wherever it is accessible and (here’s the good part for your pocket book) free. Whereas the iPhone is basically the same thing except you then you have to get a plan that includes data, which on any smartphone can be expensive. Moreover, they don’t have constant access to the internet if they only use free wi-fi, and possibly less likely to be using it for things they shouldn’t when you’re not around.
  5. No Phone Zone… Where are the places, what are the settings that they need to put the phone away? Dinner table, family time, when they’ve gone to bed for the night, are all scenarios that I’ve heard of parents collecting phones and disallowing their use. To me it makes sense so they can be in the habit of taking a break from the presence of their cell phone. This is why I don’t allow them on certain trips because they become too big of a distraction from what is happening in the present. Any of us that have a smartphone can attest to how easy it is to float off into our own little world within the confines of our phone when things get even the slightest bit boring.
  6. Parent Pressure… I think it’s fair to say that there’s a fair amount of pressure amongst parents to make sure their teen has a cell phone and a pretty cool one at that. Be careful not to sabotage any discussions you’ve had with them regarding not giving into peer pressure. If you cave into the pressure because “everyone else” has given their kids a particular phone, what does it communicate about ability to resist the pleas and pressure of you kid and other parents? No one has ever been entitled to anything just because “everyone else” has it. If they want to upgrade to a newer phone then they should have to pay all the money towards it. Getting and having a phone is a privilege not a right. Moreover, having the latest phone or gadget is a luxury. I can hear some people saying now, “Just wait until your daughter asks for a phone”. The times change, but not all principles do. Those principles won’t change when my daughter wants a phone.
  7. Meet the Parents… When I was a teenager if you wanted to talk to one of your friends on the phone the only option was to call the land line. This meant that you had to be prepared to possibly speak with their parents on the phone. Although the exchange with their parents was typically brief, you needed to be polite, cordial, respectful, and able to engage in small talk. It went double if I was calling a girl’s house. It was a good thing that will possibly be all but gone by the time my daughter is a teenager and her friends and admirers are calling for her directly.

Closing Thought

The other day I left for work without my phone. I didn’t realize it until I was nearly in the parking lot. I did not turn around and go get it. I did not panic. I did not have the sensation, feeling, or otherwise delusion that I was naked without it. At the age of 35 I’ve had a cell phone for less than a third of my life. For the first 26 years of my life I was able to live a pretty productive, fulfilling, and connected life without one. I want to have the same feeling I had the other day when I’m without my phone thirty years from now. That being said when my phone is around it is too easy to distract me from times and moments of pause and boredom. I am too quick to app surf at stoplights, in waiting rooms, silences while out to eat, and while sitting on the lou. Not that there is an inherent problem with that, I just don’t want it to be my default reaction to fill in the dull moments of my life story that will never make it to print or film because nothing is happening. By the age of 16 many of the current generation of teens and children will have had a cell phone for half their life. They need to be given some boundaries now that will allow for them to own their cell phone in the future, and not be owned by their cell phone.