Rant / by Susie Lubell

You know what I don't get? It's how the French mom at my kids' preschool has three kids and looks like she weighs a buck o'five. What gives? Is she guzzling red wine all day and walking to the boulangerie? No! Because she's not in France! She's in Mountain View with the rest of us, driving our cars around and eating Trader Joe food. So where is her poochy belly, the one she should still have because her youngest is only like 8 months old.

You know what else bugs me? Weeds. I can't friggin' stand weeds. The other day I got so sick of those broad leaf fuckers that come up through our patio bricks that I just pulled out the leaves, leaving the roots to regroup and fight their way back out in another month. I looked around for a good poison solution but couldn't find one. If I'd just been patient I could have sprayed them with something so they'd dry up and then pull the whole thing out. I am really low on patience. I have about as much patience as I have weed killer.

And what is with the City of Oakland? Do you really have to give out that many parking tickets? Screw you.