Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Law & Order: Gold Farmers Unit

There are few people I hate, loathe, DESPISE than RMTs.

That means Real Money Traders for those of you playing along at home.

Every major MMORPG has them. They're like a horrible, disgusting infection that can be treated, but never cured.

Basically, gil sellers are herpes.

Yes, you heard me right. They are herpes.

Now, we do our best to keep these guys in control. We're in those trenches every day kicking ass and taking names.

We then put those names on a form.

It's a long form.

I read almost half of it once.

But, no matter how many of these guys we ban, twenty more just show up to take their place. They're just waiting in the wings to create new accounts, credit cards squeezed in their eager little fingers.

It'd be almost cute if they weren't bloodsucking, c--ksucking blights on humanity.

That's twice the sucking for the same price.

What a deal!

Now, I don't want to stereotype all gil/gold sellers. It would be wrong of me to suggest that such a large group could be generalized into a specific demographic.

I'm just going to say that most, if not all, of them come from a certain country in Asia.

It begins with a C and rhymes with China.

Wait... I think I did that wrong...

This isn't a comment on Chinese people. Oh, no, those guys are all right. It would be downright stupid to judge an entire country by a small fraction of its people.

But the majority of gil/gold sellers do come from China.

Well... At least they used to.

It seems China decided to make RMT illegal. It is now officially against the law in China to take part in RMT activities for any MMORPG.

Oh yeah, baby.

Finally, a country has woken up and created actual laws against being a complete and utter douchebag.

About bloody time.

Let's kick it up a notch though. Let's make it illegal in EVERY country.

Punishable by death.

Ooooooooh! Or punishable by crotch punching!

That's way better. Death would be too damned quick. Crotch punching would be so much more effective of a deterrent.

And who does the punching? Anyone harmed or annoyed by RMT activities.

RMT group steal your NM? Crotch punch.

RMT group try and intentionally get you killed? Crotch punch.

RMT exploiting glitch to dupe gil? Falcon crotch punch.

If you can honestly tell me this doesn't sound like the best damned idea ever, then you're not reading it correctly.

We need to get this thing on the next ballot or something. We could vote on initiating a RMT crotch punch law.

We could stand up, as a people, and with clear voices yell that we will not go gentle into that goodnight. We will stand against the darkness and then we will punch it in the testicles.

Damn, I love democracy.


At 9:19 PM, Blogger Mali said...

Hades has been getting an unusually high amount of RMT tells. Geez, I got 6 today only being on for a few hours. Boo. Anyway, YAY ILLEGAL.

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Mali said...

Maybe crotchpunch to death?

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Aen said...

I have a newfound respect for the Chinese.

At 10:13 PM, Blogger Matthew said...

Dave, you are a genius. My friend's account just got hacked a few days ago and although it looks like everything will be okay, those RMTs sure could use some crotch punching. Maybe it would teach them a lesson. Or maybe they have nothing there to hurt.

At 10:56 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

I'm always up for a little testicle targeting.

At 12:18 AM, Blogger snaga said...

great idea dave^^ but how about for the one's that piss u off the most you strap em on a pool table legs spread n shoot pool balls at thier crotches^^

At 1:00 AM, Blogger Leut said...

I'd like to include some actions as bi-laws to this Anti-RMt Act you propose:

1. Any account user (I refrain from using the term "player") who knowling or unknowingly violates an "Asshole" clause. This would include people who automatically think they know everything in the game after 1 month of playing it and start telling people how to play their character. It also would include those who don't take the time to develope their character on their own via one of the many ways they do (ie, acct buying [a direct violation of RMT activity] or having someone other than themselves level up said character to a certain level and taking it over.

2. Any account user that does not meet a criteria including minmum of 115 IQ, all teethies, no inbreeding, green eyes, or smells like expensive cheese.

3. Any account user who thinks RPG stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade (stupid shooter lovers...).

4. Anyone under the age of 16.

5. The French.

I am sure there could be more. You see where I'm going with this.

At 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you hate gold sellers so much, what do you think of the real problem?

That is, the gold buyers.

At 6:07 AM, Blogger RyRy said...

I vote Nuke China, We dont need em.

At 6:31 AM, Blogger matt said...

to heck with that RyRy

there's an awful lot of cute Chinese girls out there you'd kill!

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Aen said...

Hey, lay off the Chinese. Even if they do spawn the majority of RMTs, their government has the sense to pass a sensible law punishing people for being asshole business criminals.

When was the last time we did that? Considering how many times Cheney met with the Enron people, I'm guessing it's been a long frickin' time.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger Anvalin said...

What do we do with the ones without testicles?

At 2:56 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

to answer the question about what to do with the ones without testicles, its easy. we go with a tried and true method that my little sister likes to employ on girls she doesn't like. the muff punt. nuff said

At 4:45 AM, Blogger Shan said...

Here here!

I second Leut's addition. Another action that needs to be added to addition #1 -- Any jerkface that for some ungodly reason thinks that they actually OWN an area of the game. You know the type "this is our mob area, go away or we'll KS you...."


At 10:20 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...


That is, the gold buyers.

^^ This.

The other half of the problem. Now why can't games have automatic triggers to detect passing of large amounts of unreasonable game money? Such as selling worthless items in the Auction House for tons of gold? That would shut down folks very fast.

At 6:07 PM, Blogger Stephen said...

I still don't understand why SE doesn't make one TEENY TINY stipulations on Trial accounts... Cannot send tells to people not on your friend list or unless they sent you a tell first.... example...
Real Player> Party Do you need it?
Trial Player> Yes Please


Trial Accounts have this stipulation BUT can send tells to names not on their friend list/people they received tells from IF they ONLY use the Auto Translate Function.

I didn't get the chance to have a trial account before the game dug it's claws into me, I paid 50USD (or maybe it was 40USD) for a free month, the install discs, and a book that told me pretty much nothing! so let the people who paid nothing suffer a teeny bit.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger phillip said...

Hello Gm dave am sorry to tell you but that law will not stop them they found a loop hole check out this link for more info http://www.wow.com/2009/07/02/chinas-gold-farming-ban-not-really-a-ban/ sorry to rain on you parade

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

Anvalin said...
What do we do with the ones without testicles?

Answer: Its called"C**t punt"

My question is why can't SE take legal action against the web masters of these sites. They have gotten to ballsy as to tell us what site they are pimping when they /tell us!

Why not just have SE open up an online store that sells gil. This is what would happen. RMT market drops off face of planet. Then you ban hammer (read: ban dragon) all the asshats that bought it!

At 10:38 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:48 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

they found a loop hole

Actually, it's not a loop hole -- it was English gamer-people misinterpreting the Chinese language & law. China evidently never intended to ban gold-sellers, only to stop people from using virtual money to pay for real things.

Which...if you think about it...is going to have the Credit Card industry up in arms.

At 8:09 PM, Blogger semele said...

Please run for president.

At 8:12 PM, Blogger semele said...

Stephen, Age of Conan does not allow you to send tells to people you do not have on your friends list. Progress is slow, but coming. Maybe by FFXIV it'll be in place.


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