

Monday, October 8, 2012


Well, once again we have someone who has blenderized several woo-woo ideas to make a brand new fusion-cuisine of looniness.  The most recent perpetrator of this process, which I like to call "wackosynthesis," is a gentleman named Timothy Green Beckley.  In an article just released a couple of days ago, entitled "Legacy of the Sky People: Was Noah's Ark a Strange Vehicle From Mars?", Sean Casteel (regular writer for UFO Digest) gives a highly laudatory review to Beckley's new book, also called Legacy of the Sky People.   Beckley's book costs $20 (plus shipping and handling), which I absolutely refuse to spend, because just from the review, it sounds like a fine example of woo-woo lunacy.  Beckley uses the following ingredients:
  • UFOs
  • Ancient Astronauts
  • Noah's Ark and the biblical flood story
  • The monolith on Phobos
  • The Roswell Incident
  • CIA conspiracies and coverups
He then stirs well and bakes at 350 degrees for forty-five minutes, and comes up with the following idea:

Noah wasn't an ancient Israelite.  He was a superintelligent Martian that was bringing the last remnant of his civilization to Earth, using a spacecraft, which unfortunately crashed on Mount Ararat.  Noah and his Martian pals then genetically engineered the primitive, Bronze-Age humans they found here, and thus was born the human race in all of its nobility.

What proof does he have, you may ask?  Well, besides the incontrovertible evidence of the Book of Genesis, which we all know to be completely scientifically and historically accurate, we also have:
  • cave paintings with some bits that look like UFOs.  Interestingly, the one link that Casteel gives to a cave painting website shows some cave paintings that have nothing whatsoever UFO-like on them.
  • the ongoing foolishness that there's an alien monolith on Phobos.  The "monolith" is almost certainly a large rock, but that still hasn't stopped all of the people who think that 2001: A Space Odyssey is a historical documentary from blathering endlessly about it on the internet.
  • an allegation that there has been an "anomalous object" discovered on the side of Mount Ararat.  As far as I could follow Beckley and Casteel's logic, the "object" isn't made of "gopher wood," which leaves only one conclusion: it is the wrecked remnants of a spaceship.
Beckley and Casteel also cite some references, which read as a veritable cast-list of woo-woo.  These include:
  • Erich von Däniken, who is still making money writing books about the "god(s) are ancient aliens" idea
  • Zecharia Sitchin,  who started the whole "Annunaki" business
  • Giorgio Tsoukalos,  who publishes Legendary Times, co-produces the series Ancient Aliens, and who has really amazing hair
  • Tim Swartz, editor of Conspiracy Journal
  • Brinsley LePoer Trench, who besides having a name that's a lot of fun to say, was a member of the British House of Lords, and was one of the first real UFO enthusiasts.  He famously started a debate on the floor of Parliament, and pushed the Members to vote on whether they thought aliens had visited the Earth.  (The result:  "No.")
  • Nick Redfern, of Bigfoot fame, and contributing editor of Phenomena magazine
  • George van Tassel, one of the most renowned alien abductees
Well, I think we can all agree that with a star-studded list of references like that, we have no other choice but to believe everything Beckley and Casteel are saying.

If, unlike me, you still want to purchase Beckley's book, the link I posted above has Beckley's contact information and all the information you need about price.  There is also price and purchase information on Beckley's other books, which include The American Indian Starseed Connection, Other Tongues Other Flesh Revisited, Ancient Secrets of Mysterious America: Revealing our True Cosmic Destiny, and Alien Space Gods of Ancient Greece and Rome: Revelations of the Oracle of Delphi.  So I think you can see that if you're so inclined, there's a wealth of reading material, here.

As for me, I think I'll pass.  The review was enough to give me a general flavor for Beckley's "theories," and I already think I'm going to need more coffee to get the taste out of my mouth. 


  1. Having done this blog for as long as you have...
    I am surprised you have not yet thrown up your hands and said:
    "Fine. Everything's true! Aliens, Vampires, Yeti, Roswell, Nibiru, Atlantis... Whatever! All of it! Blargh!"

    ...and gone to live in a cave of solitude.

    I do appreciate your resolve, good sir.

    "Durrrh. I wrote a book about giant lava bunnies from Alpha Centauri that are gonna come and eat the peoples of Earth. Serious stuff! Get informed! Only twenty dollars. You buy now!"

    1. Dear god, NO. NOT THE LAVA BUNNIES!!! RUN!!!!!

      Seriously, I love doing this, despite the ongoing problems with indentations in my forehead from banging my head on the desk. But I figure that someone's gotta do it. As my wife put it: "If you stop, the woo-woos win."

      So there you are.

  2. It seems like we could automate this process and save people a lot of money. Have an app that has all of the old standards -- UFOs, pyramids, Area 51, orgone energy, "resonance," underwater cities, and so on. Throw in a quantum or two, pull in one or two new things at random from some news site. We could make an app for that. Then people could get their daily dose of wonder-conspiracy for free.

    1. Tyler, you're onto something. Save people a lot of money and make a hefty portion for yourself. All you need is someone who knows how to program Apple's open-source software and you're halfway there!

      But now we're entering into that "sell your soul to the Devil" moment, where you make the choice whether to market it as silly or serious. Tough call. You'll make greater profits marketing it as serious, but you might have trouble getting any good sleep from there-on-out, if you have a conscience.

      Selling stupid things to stupid people. Is it wrong? I guess the answer would differ person to person.

      Were it 50 years ago, I would "cash-out" on society. But in this country in this age, so many people are cashing out on society, people should feel morally obligated to cash in. Selfishness seems to be a highly contagious plague ...anymore... to our collective detriment, but that's a digressive topic for another day! heh.