Wednesday, 6 July 2016

The UK’s Foremost Untrained Agony Uncle Attempts to Help You With More of Your Awful Problems in ‘Dear Dredge’

Dear Dredge

My desk in our office is directly opposite my manager’s desk, and we generally get along very well. However, he has mannerisms which I find hard to deal with. For example, every ten minutes he stands on the desk, screams at the top of his voice and does an elaborate tap dance, before blowing an enormous raspberry and resuming his seat. I may be overreacting but some things are difficult to overlook. What would you advise?
Gwen, Prestwood-on-Sea
Dear Gwen
Make sure you take regular breaks.

Dear Dredge
Somebody has stolen some cubes from my highly expensive cube collection and I am at my wit’s end. What should I do?
Muriel, Penge-on-Sea

Dear Muriel
The Cube Police may be able to help you here. Unfortunately, and this may cause some difficulties, the Cube Police does not exist. I would wait until their formation takes place, form a branch yourself, or simply take up the banjo to take your mind off it.

Dear Dredge
I have recently acquired a biscuit tin but have nowhere to put it as my flat is chock full of Shreddies, for reasons I don’t have time to go into now. What would you suggest?
Daphne, Bexhill-on-Penge
Dear Daphne
Attach an elastic band to the biscuit tin, tie it under your chin, and voila - a stylish and unusual hat. This won’t take up unnecessary shelf space, and if it is kept stocked with fresh biscuits, you may find yourself becoming more popular than ever before.

John’s new talking-type-podcast can be heard here: