Why Does Everyone Hate Vegans?

I saw a post by Noisey the other day which stated ‘a third of Brits wouldn’t date a vegan’. Ouch. Reading that, part of me thought ‘well at least there’s a bona fide reason why the whole population of Britain is yet to fall at my feet’, and the rest of me thought, ‘but why?’. Vegetarian/vegan hate has been an established thing since the first nut roast appeared on some hippie’s Christmas table in the late 60’s. But now, in this enlightened era where peopled do actually boycott Starbucks and people have realised fracking isn’t a great idea, how come Noisey are getting those results in?

I should state, before taking you any further down the path, that I am a cashew-crunching, newly vegetarian-turned-vegan myself, and although I would not toss my plate in the air when offered feta, I do stick by my decision and know that it does some good. We’ve all seen Cowspiracy, watched (and loved) DiCaprio’s new climate change doc, and balked at the idea of how much harm a humble hamburger does to the world we love and live in, but how many of us have actually packed in the quarter-pounders and made a change? There are supposedly 35,000 vegans (who have publicly admitted this) in the world today, which compared to a possible 7.347 billion, is pretty slim pickings.

"Just go through it one more time...the almond doesn't have any udders but you can still milk it?"

So who are these vegan-haters? They can’t all be Trump supporters in America, who hunt the squirrels that dash across their white-picket fences, although it would be easy to think that’s the case. Are they mothers who are scared that their children will soon be running topless through the gates of Downing Street shouting ‘Theresa May killed the polar bears!’? No. In reality, it’s those people who are sceptical of a fad-orientated lifestyle, and the inconsistency which goes hand in hand with it. Since man roamed the earth, and ‘hunter-gatherer’ was the only bio one could have had on their hypothetical Instagram page, the killing and eating of other, smaller animals has been daily business. And yes, I am fully aware of the benefits of various diets such as the Paleo, or Cave-man diet, but my point is this; we were not made as a species who should consume the products of animals who’s flesh we eat – milk, butter, fro-yo, the list goes on. Our bodies are not naturally equipped to digest that stuff. Now that we live in a world which has been so thoroughly squashed and bruised by our excessive demands for everything, and our arrogance to think we know all the secrets of the universe, we have a greater reason than ever to give up the cow.

I know you watched Leo’s documentary, signed an anti-Palm oil petition, and don’t need me to tell you what grave things await a planet on which changes are not made, and catastrophic damage to its chill continues to happen. But still, I ask, that however pretentious you think it is to buy vegan Doc Martens, or drizzle hemp oil on a salad that was only fit for rabbit’s consumption in the first place, please do not actually spit on the earnest face of your friendly neighbourhood vegan anymore. If they shout at you for sinking your teeth into a burger, kick them in the shins like you would anyone who interrupts the sanctity of the Gourmet Burger Kitchen. One cannot say that all vegans are nice people, I’m sure a large proportion ignore the Big Issue man and switch channels when UNICEF adverts come on. But remember that someone’s got to play devil’s advocate, especially if our lovely world is at stake.

Words by: Imogen