Fuel Filled Thoughts

Image result for picture of fuel



We love fuel. It is our lifeblood. It is what we seek on a daily basis. It powers us. It allows us to exist. It comes from a wide range of suppliers. It comes with varying frequency, potency and effect. Certain people are fountains of fuel, faucets of delicious and edifying fuel, super tankers, wells, reservoirs. Those are the people we target, hunt down and ensnare as our primary sources but fuel can be obtained from anyone and everyone. Of course some provide far more fuel than others and it is those people who form the important suppliers to us. Fuel manifests in many different forms, arising from words, gestures, actions and inactions, so long as there is emotion attached, then fuel is generated and we drain it from those we have attached our fuel lines to and suck it up for our greater glory and empowerment. It is also useful for you to understand that fuel also comes in Proximate and Thought or Think forms.

Proximate Fuel is the fuel that is mentioned the most often. It is also the more potent of the two. Proximate Fuel arises from when we witness your emotional reaction to something that we have done. Accordingly, if we see you cry as a result of us calling you horrible names then we receive Proximate Fuel. If we walk into an arena and receive the adoring applause of thousands of people, that is Proximate Fuel. If, as we walk down the road we draw an admiring glance from somebody, that is Proximate Fuel. It is the most important fuel when it comes in this form and is necessary to the good order of our existence.

Thought Fuel is less potent but that is not to suggest that it should be dismissed. There is still considerable potency in this form of fuel and we rely on it frequently and especially so at particular stages in the narcissistic cycle. Think Fuel arises when we envisage your emotional reaction to something that we have done or not done. In respect of our primary sources the Thought Fuel is strongest. This is firstly because of that person’s high ranking in terms of the Proximity of Supply but also because we know our primary source very well indeed. Our primary source has been researched, targeted and seduced. During seduction we analysed you further, understanding how you behave based on our experience of others of a similar nature to you but with the addition of gaining direct and daily access to all the subtle nuances, behaviourisms and idiosyncrasies that make you what you are. This knowledge enables us to determine how you react. We continue with our observation and scrutiny through the devaluation. Our knowledge bank about how you will react is burgeoning. We know how you will respond to certain situations and we can envisage how you will look and what you will say. Generating that picture is important because when we apply some form of manipulation against you but we are not beside you or viewing you in order to watch your reaction, we instead absorb the Thought Fuel from knowing how you would respond and with the attendant emotion.

Accordingly, when we impose a silent treatment during devaluation and we do so through absenting ourselves, we of course are unable to see your reaction to our disappearance, but we know what it will be. We know you will anxious and anguished. We know that tears will be trickling down your face or that you will be frantic with worry or that you will be pacing up and down angry at our sudden departure. We know you and in so doing we drink of this Thought Fuel and feel powerful in the knowledge that our manipulation has caused this reaction even though we cannot see this. The silent treatment continues and we continue to draw ThoughtFuel from the knowledge of how it will be affecting you. This Thought Fuel is also intertwined with Proximate Fuel because for example, if you send a heartfelt text to us during this silent treatment, we see the emotion in your words and this provides us with Proximate Fuel alongside the enduring Thought Fuel.


The drawback with Thought Fuel is that the envisaged reaction cannot be maintained for a long time without the need for Proximate Fuel from that same source. If after four or five days of hoovering somebody by text and there is no response, the empowering effects of imagining what your reaction will be, will wane. If you have decided not to respond as part of instigating No Contact, the failure to respond with Proximate Fuel means that the Thought Fuel can only last so long. Once those few days have elapsed, we need a Proximate Fuel response from you. Of course during this period, we may be getting fuel from different sources (both Proximate and Thought) as is our standard approach. In order to revitalise the Thought Fuel with a particular appliance however we need that appliance to provide Proximate Fuel. Thus after five days of silence with no response, the Thought Fuel will wane. If you then telephone us and cry down the ‘phone because we are not speaking to you, we receive a delicious dollop of Proximate Fuel. If then you fall silent even though we are sending texts, your supply of Proximate Fuel has invigorated the Thought Fuel because you have let us know that it is still affecting you. This direct contact by you has not only given us Proximate Fuel but it has breathed new life into the Thought Fuel which will continue to power us from your envisaged reaction until once again it will wane after a few days.

This situation cuts both ways also. If after a few days of enjoying the Thought Fuel we then have direct contact with you but you provide no fuel by responding to us in a neutral fashion, then if there continues silence thereafter we will not derive any further Thought Fuel from that particular manipulation because you have demonstrated that it is not proving effective. We may continue the silent treatment and focus on a different source of fuel, but we are no longer getting any from you, until such time as we witness Proximate Fuel again.

Thought Fuel underlines our power because it demonstrates to us that we can be super charged from knowing about how you will respond even though we do not see your reaction. To us, that is an example of the considerable power that we wield. It also means that even if you somehow are not reacting in the way that we envisage you would (although this is usually unlikely) at least for a number of days we will still gain Thought Fuel because it is based on how we have witnessed you behave and respond on previous occasions.

Thought Fuel is most often obtained from the Primary Source but it can be drawn from other sources. Knowing how a friend will be reacting to our failure to turn up to his birthday celebration or knowing how somebody serving at a bar will react to our dressing down as we walk away with a smile on our face enables us to draw Thought Fuel from these Methods of Delivery also.

This is why fuel is so important to us. This is why fuel is so pervasive and is the object of all our agendas and manipulations.


52 thoughts on “Fuel Filled Thoughts”

  1. HG, can you please write about midrangers would feel if they felt their fuel levels getting low? If they don’t know what fuel is what do they think is making them feel that way?

    1. For what it’s worth, I remember my mid-ranger would often lament that it “feels like someone else is pulling the strings” and “Who is it? Someone’s pulling the strings in my life, but who is it?” He would say this when he was calm and seemed reflective, usually in the context of a conversation in which he would express his feelings that he had no real control of the things that happened to him in his life. At the time, I just intently listened and didn’t challenge him (such a good little empath. Haha), but I remember wondering why he felt like that and why he didn’t just get off his butt and do something. His life generally seemed to be going pretty well in spite of his laziness, so I also wondered why he felt the need to complain in the first place. Now that I look back, though, I realize this was actually a huge red flag and a peek into his disordered psyche. I believe it was his sub-conscious awareness (oxymoron?) that his behavior was being driven and controlled by his reaction to his fuel levels. Because he wasn’t conscious of fuel, it felt to him like he was being controlled by a mysterious outside force. I wish I could go back in time and observe if these laments were usually subsequent to abusive attempts to draw negative fuel, but I can’t remember.

  2. I was his DSIPSS. I figured him out so was discarded. For the past 2 months almost on daily basis I am getting hoovered via technology I assume for Thought Fuel. It’s becoming more and more frequent. I have gone no contact since the discard but still wonder if there is no other direct hoover can I assume he is doing this out of hatred? Is this fuel still potent? What would make him stop?

    1. It is likely there is a fuel or malice obsession which is causing the repeated hoover triggers and then the hoover execution criteria is being met because it is easy enough for him to contact you through technology, he sees no other obstacles and he considers your fuel worth pursuing. He would stop if there was no way of contacting you at all.

  3. Another interesting post from you, HG, and and reiteration that he won’t even get to huff my fumes, let alone drink from my pump. Thanks.

  4. I have learned all the tricks by now, all the games, all needs, wants, desires. I have won on a certain level, an have zero desire to be involved ever again. Even the the thought of my top narc makes me sick. As I do an would like to tell him he is the “big L” ( loser) I won’t do it, it’s what he wants. Thank you HG for all your readings without you having educated me with this non curable condition I would probably be falling apart as I had been for months prior.

  5. Hi HG, I’m starting to notice more and more that you followers are turning into Fan/Groupies !!
    HG could you give me your thoughts on this please and if anyone could also give me there opinion I would be very greatful as you all seem to have so much experience with this. It’s been over 3 months no contact now and no Hoovers . He has lied , cheated , manipulated , he’s a victim like you wouldn’t believe , it’s been on again and off again . But I have never had a nasty discard or a smear campaign. He has of course thrown in some hurtful back handed comments during the time with him and during breaking up , but pretty much takes the blame. He has also told all his family that it is all his doing and that nothing is my fault and that he’s not interested in being with anyone else and I’ve done nothing wrong. So putting to one side we know he’s a compulsive liar and probably is seeing someone else. Has anyone else experienced this ? He calls all his other exes nutters and sluts and alcoholics ha ha ha . Why am I not getting the nastiness or the telling his family bad stuff. I just want to say I know 100 percent his family are not telling lies about this because they don’t white wash him , they are sick of him and have seen every relationship fail, but they don’t know he’s a narc . They just think he’s an idiot that needs to grow up. Why would he be taking all the blame and never doing a nasty discard. He never does with any of our break ups . He always says it’s his fault ? I would be very greatful for any comments from nearly narcs also , thank you

    1. Hi Lisa, I think it is more a case of they are learning and know how to keep me happy.

      1. Do you know the totality of what he said? He may have said it is not your fault to his family because he knows that they will still back him irrespective. Notice that he threw in some nasty comments towards you during the discard. He is obviously capable of doing so. He has probably done so with other people. Do you know what has been said to his friends, your friends, your family etc?
      2. The fact he has called other exes nutters, sluts etc should flutter like a massive red flag to you. He has said it about all the others and he will be saying this about you (or similar).
      3. You may think you are not getting the nastiness but:-
      a. You did, he said horrible things at the point of discard;
      b. You don’t know the totality of what he is saying to other people;
      c. He has blindsided you with what he said to his family so that you think this is his overall mindset. How do you know what he has said to his family? Did he tell you this or did his family tell you. What about if his family are his lieutenants and in reality he has made it out to be your fault but they are telling you otherwise to cause your to lower your defences? You say you know 100% his familt are not telling lies, but do you? You once thought your narcissist was wonderful and loving. Look how that turned out. I recommend you read Smeared.

      1. Yes I hear you HG , his family told me not him . I guess his family could be lying for him. But I think they are just repeating what he said . His friends I don’t know. He doesn’t know any of my friends . I guess I’m just hoping that because the discard wasn’t as bad as it can get that I still have a chance that the bastard may Hoover again as that is what I want. I think there are times I’m still in denial and then I have to keep reminding myself . My logical brain knows but emotionally I still struggle . I just feel like he may be keeping the door open with his style of how he handled things with it heres in the end end end ha ha . It’s very unlikely that his family will buy the story about me being any of those things they’ve known me for too long . His friends who knows . He keeps talking about wanting to live abroad which is bullshit , he’s never left the street he was born in . But continues to go on holiday there every year and cheats while he’s there . So he tells his family he wants to move there . They say to me he needs counselling . All I want is one opportunity to deal with him knowing what he is . And because I know I’m going to see him or his family sooner or later . I’m just so worried that I won’t handle it correctly . I want to cause as much narc injury that is humanly possible

        1. Your sentiments are understandable Lisa but as I mentioned in a different post, I am of the fir view that you have work to do in terms of building your own defences. There is much for you to yet understand and make sense of and your energies will be best applied to that before entertaining any thoughts of going on the offensive.

    2. Hi Lisa,

      HG on a personal/social level terrifies me. If he were proximate to me I wouldn’t permit love bombing (gifts, compliments or seducing ) to effect me greatly….but I would still be infatuated with him bc he’s a narcissist and I’m susceptible to them.

      I listen to his ominous voice to remind myself of the malice that is underlying. You can’t sugar coat his articles. It’s a fool proof way of stopping my emotional thinking and forces me to see the logic of the situation I’m in. For these things I am eternally grateful. His articles often anger and upset me (listen to “It’s only the wind” on YouTube) but very few narcissists speak of such things and allow us to see them for what they are. I have tremendous respect for him bc of this even if he is anonymous.

      I was born to a NarcMom and have spent 15 yrs in romantic entanglements with narcissists. I would not have any idea what a narcissist is or what their motivations are if it weren’t for HG’s content. In a way he has given me my life back and helps maintain my defenses by being so blunt and cold. I don’t compliment him to draw his attention to me or to blow smoke up his butt. I truly feel thankful.

      I’ve read most of HG books. Some of them discuss his childhood dynamics which explain where his narcissism came from. It’s difficult to read and my empathy causes me to have great sympathy for him but, in general,I reserve my sympathy for his victims. Hopefully, they learn the lessons they are supposed to and become stronger once they repair the damage. The greatest lesson, for me, has been to love yourself and put yourself first. If an empath is able to love and take care of themselves than their empathy will be able to help more people. It was empowering to learn that when I fell in love with the narcissist I was really seeing myself mirrored back to me. I had spent my life feeling like they were the prize.

      I’m fond of HG but take great comfort in the fact that he is across the ocean.

  6. This only works to a point with me. I have a lot of patience, but when I get to the end of it, I stop playing along. I am very happy to say that I have become battle-hardened to my ex-narc’s manipulation. 😄

  7. So HG, you’re on the hunt for a new primary source of fuel.

    What do you chose when pickings are ripe ?

    Do you go first after the one you want for long (by your standards) primary source of fuel, or do you pick a transitional one ? How much energy would you put into a transitional ?

    When there are not too many to chose from would you put much energy into the ‘low hanging fruit’ ?

    1. If fuel levels are good this allows time and consideration to be applied to the acquisition of The One. Therefore careful targeting and preparation can be applied.
      If fuel levels are low because the primary source has escaped then I must turn to the supplementary sources to sustain me as I hunt down a new primary source asap. This primary source may only prove to be transitional because the depleting fuel levels mean the need to secure the primary source becomes of greater necessity and therefore time may not allow the acquisition of someone who could be The One.
      More fuel means more energy to put into the process.
      If the options are limited (for whatever that reason) in securing the new primary source then I would take some low hanging fruit to avoid the fuel level becoming dangerously low. Of course this low hanging fruit will have a limited golden period indeed as it will not be long before I will be hunting their replacement but at least that will be done from a position of being fuelled because the low hanging fruit remains in situ and has not escaped.

  8. So the need for MY fuel is why he will not leave?! Even when I was no contact for a month he wouldn’t stop…. every single day. Is it just to find new ways to reel me back?? I really don’t understand why it feels like an never ending battle.

      1. Wouldn’t it just be easier to move on to the next? He claims he has plenty of options so I told him to go pick one… still I am his object of torture. :/

        1. It is easy to return to somebody who has been conquered once, someone you know, someone whose weaknesses and vulnerabilities that we know, someone we know in terms of how they will react.

          1. Ah, because it is just so hard to start over again, be so sweet and romantic, train them to your liking and learn exactly how to pull their strings for your pleasure. You know, if y’all could curb your rage, curb your need to degrade us, we could be a very happy endless supply of fuel. We could give in to every whim and need. I know I would have done anything for him but we too have our limits. I could read everything you write and still never fully understand the game.

  9. Thought fuel.. I see this also as very malignant and very much void-feeling. I hope as the treatment advances the void fill up a little.
    This thought-fuel can take a person to make very naughty things.. In case of negative fuel. 😢😢

  10. Hi H.G. 😎 Thank you for this valuable insight. This post encourages me be the most indifferent, boring, snoring, yawning, dullest grayest rock my Narcissists have ever seen! I will be silent, invisible and unmoved by the future provocations that are sure to come. I shall avert my eyes from their peorcomg stares. The well is sealed off! I will bring my feelings here. Thank you ❤️

  11. What is grand is when you get the Proximate Fuel – the chance to see it for yourself, face-to-face. Then you can store away the image in the Thought Fuel bank for recall later on, should that be necessary.

    Have I told you today, HG, how amazing and awesome and wonderful you are?


      1. HI BT
        Yes it seems we agree more and more !!! 😃😃👍🏻
        Im fine thanks? now after a day at work, on the sofa, a bottle of San Pellegrino water besides me and reading the blog. My kids are on vacation with dad and so its peaceful and quiet here. And you? Hope you are also having a nice day. ☀️

  12. On vacation so I’m in a very good mood! Thought I’d send a little fuel your way HG! Lol. 💕😘🍻⚽️ Soccer!!! Ha ha

  13. my well is bottomless and You can’t drain it…You take 1 part, 2 parts come back…
    silent treatment would not work on me either cause there would be no reason to apply it…;)

    1. I spent10 years with a Narc. Ten years of being Off Kilter. Horrible years. During the last very painful discard I decided I would beat him at this game. I allowed a hoover. Kept screen shots of every phone call and all texts. Then when the discard came in 12 weeks I sent a letter and all screen shots to his new partner. A young girl (30 years his junior). This was/is an Online relationship. He promised to bring her to the Promised Land. Spent several weeks with her in her country. Texting me from the airport – I love you. What a creep.

      Once I did this I felt free of him. I really do not care if she continues with him or not. At least she knows he is a dangerous liar. Poor, uneducated and dangerous. What was I doing with him? Well that is irrelevant to this Revenge post.
      It still feels great. I unmasked this monster. No contact. No desire to contact. Ten years of discard, triangulation and silent treatment. Over. I feel free. So revenge if planned carefully can be freedom. It worked for me.

Vent Your Spleen!
