Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Things my future.wife should know, A LIST:

. Originally uploaded by snjezana.

  1. i will always make you tea. (and yes, i will always want some myself)

  2. i cannot be trusted to make my bed. it's been 25 years, it just doesn't really happen. i'm sorry. to make up for it, i can say confidently:

  3. the toilet seat will always be put down

  4. sometime between my writing this and my meeting you, i will conduct a rather intermediate-level research assignment on the Stalin years of the Russian Federation, and put into context all 15 of Shostakovich's symphonies and string-quartets, as well as discover the relationships and likes/dislikes of Stravinksy, Prokofiev, Khachaturian, Sviatoslav Richter, Scriabin, Emil Gilels, Oistrakh, Rostropovich, Rachmaninov, and Kabalevsky. I will be very affected by this assignment, and will probably be (even more) emotionally overcome when i listen to Shostakovich.

  5. you will find that in the home, i rarely speak. this is normal. i'm recuperating from all the "obsequious banter" (source: Woody Allen) of the outside time. If you need my attention immediately, feel free to give me a bosom hug. i do notice those.

  6. i despise cold houses. i'll work longer hours, i'll take a second job. whatever, but keep the heater on!

  7. it is not unlikely that i will refer to you, my babies, and/or any of my loved friends and family as: jiggles, jiggly, munchy, fatty, fatso, babyface, fatface, joojeh-kebab, moooosh, or mooshface.

  8. when i am writing, i will not hear anything you say. (if you need my immediate attention, refer to point 5, and approach with the intent of giving me a bosom hug)

  9. when i am: sad, happy, unhappy, unsad, bored, excited, want-to-go-out, don't know what else to do, can't be bothered, have too much energy, need to be alone, want to sit next to someone, it's too cold out, it's too warm out, want to be with you in a way that's deeper and purer than talking to you about random nothing, don't want to be with you, need to think, need to laugh, need to be in someone else's world; i'll go to the movies.
    (unless if i'm already working a second job to pay for the heater to be on, in that case, i won't have any extra money to go to the movies)

  10. please don't yell.

  11. i feel it's important for children to enjoy and experiment on musical instruments. my babies are free to make whatever cacophonous racket they want on their pianos/guitars/bassoon/stringed-instrument, wind or brass, until they learn, discover, enjoy, creative, destroy, awaken again, misinterpret: diaphanous, exalted, sublime, unimpinged, unforgiving, perennial, mellifluous everything

  12. i know i look silly when i do my monkey-dance, but it's ok to look silly when you're happy enough to do a monkey-dance. wanna do a monkey-dance with me? i promise it's fun.

  13. you will have to learn to deal with the southpark. it's not going anywhere. to make it up to you, i will enthusiastically accompany you to whatever chick-flick is on that you want to see and don't have the courage to ask your friends to go with you to, and will not make fun of you for laughing. (ask mar, I watched the sisterhood of traveling pants with her, and liked it more than she did, and already bought my tickets to the opening screening of the sequel)

  14. if you don't love West Wing, we can't be friends. i don't care what your opinions are on: Shostakovich, James Joyce, Rain vs. Sunshine, or the film Magnolia (which you'll annually have to sit through anyway), but West Wing is a deal breaker. How can you not like it? seriously?

  15. i will always compliment your shoes, hair, dress. don't worry, if i don't like it, i'll find something else to compliment.

  16. don't wear too much make-up. it makes you look worse.

  17. when you're pregnant i'm going to spend alot of time touching your belly. it's half mine anyway. (also, since your breasts will have swollen, feel free to distract me from your belly with a bosom-hug)

  18. i don't know why i feel so comfortable around books. i just do. i wish i didn't.

  19. i hate crowds. but if it's important to you, i'll deal with it.

  20. i will pick Japanese food over anything else. i get grumpy if i don't have sashimi once every 6 weeks. going out for breakfast is definitely the best time. i think it's important that we occasionally take a thermos of hot-chocolate to the park and play chess. when i'm scared, i won't tell you- you'll have to learn to work it out.

  21. when i get nervous, agitated, scared, stressed for a period of time exceeding a week or so, my fingers will break out with small colorless pimples. you can tell that it's happened because i enjoy rubbing my fingertips on them (otherwise you won't see them). (i might joke that i'm turning into a lizard) (it goes away when things settle down again)

  22. morning or evening, whichever works best for you- but we're going to say prayers together. if we don't have time, i'm going to call you at lunch and we're going to do it over the phone. i'm not kidding. it's important. i'll feel lonely if we don't.

  23. i never fall asleep on the couch. i never sleep without brushing my teeth. i will change into my pjs the second i walk into the house

  24. i forbid you from cooking and washing up on the same night. either i have to do one, or we do them together. (or let's make babies and have them do all of it)

  25. i will touch your feet too much. for some reason i picked up the subconscious idea along the way that the touching of feet was incredible intimate and domestic sort of thing to do. i want to be intimate and domestic with you.

  26. there are no exceptions, if i don't have any enough sleep, i seriously cannot operate. i will collapse mid-anything.

  27. i don't feel comfortable in pubs. just know.

  28. all members of my family must wrestle, play-fight, and do thumb-of-war secretly under tables when they get bored. all i'm saying is... you've been warned. if the 2-year old tries to body-slam you, you've been warned.

  29. it's not that i 'don't mind' electronic music, i freaking love it. if you want to conduct an academic discourse on the relative merits of electronic music, i am more than happy to sit down and do that.

  30. i don't do pranks. i don't like pranks.

  31. children should go to a school with a uniform. summer dress, winter skirts with shirts and ties for girls. for boys: cleanly shaven, tie, shirt, trousers, blazers, leather shoes. anyone who went to school in the antipodes or most regions of the commonwealth will intrinsically know already why it's for the best.

  32. i really am your biggest fan. for shizzle.


Anonymous said...

are you sure that you and s.a.b.t. are not meant for each other? age don't matter.....

a penny for the old guy said...

s.a.b.t. means soprano alto bass tenor where i come from- ie, bach harmonizes for SABT.

so... basically, no. i don't think i was meant to live forever and ever with a 30-100 person choir. though it might be fun, i don't think it would afford the one-on-one personal contact i hope to have. Plus I couldn't afford the mortgage on a house loud enough. And also, i want to start a family, not a tribe of people.

having said all that...
i think i just worked out who you meant.

(you know my thoughts on all this)
(also i miss you)
(also, i liked your new poem btw very much- the end especially, like, last three lines)

Ghetto Blaster said...

1.) 33. i wont hear a word you are saying when any classical music is playing.

2.) im happy it was southpark and not entourage.

3.) submit this on match.com and you are bound to be chased by a stampede.

a penny for the old guy said...

1.) 33- thanks for reminding me

2.) i purposefully made no reference to entourage with you in mind

3.) actually, i couldn't think of what to write so i copied and pasted my profile off match.com here. (you're well ahead of me)

Ghetto Blaster said...

34.) i wont make you unhappy by blogging about something that will make you unhappy.

amy said...

i think everyone should write a list like this before getting married. i love it. and your wife? she's lucky. so are your kids.

martha said...

this is my favorite of your lists ever.

golriz said...

i finally have a decent reason for my mum as to why you and i can never be;)
actually, on second thoughts, send me the series so i can make an informed decision. i've never watched it. and i don't want our friendship on such a precarious line.

martha said...

don't do it gol. that damn show was the demise of our short-lived relationship. a woman simply cannot compete.