Monday, July 28, 2014

Launch Yourself On Every Wave

 - Henry David Thoreau

Sometime life can make you feel sick.

It can throw you loops that you don’t see coming.

It scares the living shit out of you…makes you feel exposed…makes you really, really uncomfortable.

And if it doesn’t?

If your life makes you feel safe 100% of the time?

Well then perhaps you should consider the thought that you may not really be living.

OK. So you may be literally alive.

But are you really living the life you want? The life you deserve? The life that encompasses at least some of your hopes and dreams?

Think about it.

No. I mean REALLY think about it for a sec.

In fact…give it a few secs if you will.

Frickin’ humour me.

Anything worth doing usually involves a degree of risk…a chance of getting hurt…a requirement to be somewhat vulnerable.

You want to have a baby? Think of all that could go wrong. Think of all of the responsibility. Think of the cost. Think of the lack of sleep. Think of all the things that would have to change in your life.

Does that mean you should remain in your safe, little life and not have a child?

You want to leave your unfulfilling job and go after your dream career? What if you fail? What if the money isn’t there? What if you don’t like the job as much as you though you would?

Does that mean you resign yourself to doing the same, boring thing, all day, every working day, until you retire?

You want a life partner…a soul mate? Think of finding someone who seems to fit you like a glove. Think of navigating the inevitable ups and downs and compromises that relationships entails. Think of loving that person so much you can’t imagine life without them. Think about losing them.

Does that mean you should live on your own for the rest of your life? Not experience the awesomeness that is a great love?

Really take a few quiet moments and think about these examples.

Where are you in your life and where are you taking reasonable risks and where are you holding back or running for cover out of fear of the unknown?

I mean, listen. I get it.

Change is difficult.

But change can also be dynamic and exciting.

You can either stay in one place…doing the same thing…with the same people…feeling the same one-dimensional emotion...feeling safe.

Or you can make some moves…follow your heart…take a leap of faith…live your life!

Because….quite frankly…eventually you’ll be dead.

And that could be tomorrow.

Seize the day.

Carpe Diem.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “Launch yourself on every wave.”

And why not start now?

That is all we are guaranteed.

And I’m stoked.



Saturday, July 19, 2014

Goodbye Friend

"Gaily I lived as ease and nature taught,
And spent my little life without a thought,
And am amazed that Death, that tyrant grim,
Should think of me, who never thought of him."
 - Rene Francois Regnier

It’s different when you don’t see it coming.

Like an arrow to the heart, it hits you and yet the hole is somehow plugged. The blood does not immediately pour out.

There is a period of shock…of numbness.

Is this really happening? Are they really gone?

Is he really dead?

I just lost a close friend very suddenly.

My friend Phil. 

He was seemingly in perfect health, but suffered a heart attack while driving and his car smashing into a wall.

He was killed instantly.

It was the day before his 42nd birthday.

He is the one who died but I feel like the one who has had the life sucked out of them. 

He and I were closer than most of our mutual friends ever knew. He was a confidant…a shoulder…a rock…and a kindred spirit.

He was funny, kind, sweet, a hopeless romantic a great actor and someone who was passionate about life and about the people he cared about. 

I loved him.

So many people did. 

He was one of those people that had a way about him. He could make anyone feel like the most important person on earth. His leaving this world so soon is a tragedy for many.

I am just trying to figure out how to process the news. I have never had anyone close to me killed suddenly before. That whole “but I just SPOKE to him!” feeling is surreal. Because I did. I just spoke to him. And now he’s gone.

How can he be gone?

I know I’m not special. In fact, I am probably special in that I have been lucky enough to get through almost 42 years of life without losing a friend in this sudden way before.

But it frickin hurts. 

One minute I feel OK and then I am reminded of what happened and I get pins and needles and my heart races and my stomach drops. The tears come. Why did this happen to him? Why HIM?


That is the elusive question. And the “What if”? It is enough to drive one crazy.

But all is not fair in life and death. Shit like this happens. But it just doesn’t happen to my friends.

Not until last week.

And there really is no point to this post other than just getting my feelings out. I always write when I am going though anything emotionally trying and this is certainly no exception.

I could try and have a point. I could try and tie this all up in a nice, pretty bow.

But there is nothing pretty about it.

The only beauty is in my memories. But those are the memories that make me cry even harder right now.

I know I need time.

I know time heals.

But for now I find solace in my loved ones. The people who ARE here. The people who I love. The people who wrap their arms around me.

Because it’s cold. It feels so cold.

I miss you Phil.

Rest in peace sweet friend. 

I know I have an angel in you.