Monday, November 13, 2017

What I've learned so far

In the eight months I've lived here, I've discovered a lot of things about Nigeria.
  1. When traffic comes to a standstill because of a car, it's not that the car broke down but that the car "has spoilt."
  2. Cilantro is called "coriander leaf." This makes so much more sense!
  3. It is perfectly acceptable to park alongside the road, even when it blocks a lane of traffic.
  4. It is acceptable to slow down in the right hand lane, pause, roll down your window, and buy phone credit/airtime from the boys selling it at nearly every major intersection.
  5. It is also acceptable for a driver to pause alongside a roadside vegetable stall, lean over the passenger seat and yell out the window to do their produce shopping.
  6. "I added a bit to the up because you're a bit like this (gestures by spreading out the hands)" means "I added some fabric to the top of your skirt because you're tall."
  7. While there's no fresh milk to be found, and boxed milk is expensive, there is a plethora of brands of powdered milk. Pick your brand and milkfat % carefully--some dissolve well in coffee/tea and other brands are suitable only for making homemade yogurt.
  8. Living in an agricultural country means that produce is pretty cheap... but it's also seasonal and spoils quickly.
  9. Think twice about killing that cockroach with Raid. The chemical smell lingers for days.
  10. I'm not sure why a package of 100 serviettes/paper napkins is $0.22 and a roll of 100 sheets of paper towels is $1.
  11. The first thing you do after waking up is to see if your ceiling fan is on. If it is, you can linger a bit before getting up and putting on the electric kettle for coffee. If the power's out, you'd better get up now and get the stovetop kettle going.
  12. There's an art to getting in and out of bed without lifting the mosquito net up too high or opening it for too long. Those little insects are amazing at getting inside and bothering you all night!
  13. If the power's on, do laundry. Who knows when it'll go off again.
  14. This time of year, even though it's still warm outside and you'd prefer to have the windows open to get a breeze, keep them closed. You might as well close the curtains too. Otherwise the fine dust will get all over everything in your house.
  15. Be prepared to greet everyone you meet, especially the compound guards and those you see every morning.
  16. There's something wonderful about Nigerian-made peanut butter. 
  17. Said peanut butter makes amazing peanut butter cookies.
  18. Drink a liter of water before and after a workout. You'll sweat it all out anyway.
  19. Don't drink coffee on Sunday mornings before church. It'll make sitting through a 2.5+ hour service really difficult!
  20. Don't underestimate how much money you'll need when you go shopping at one of the three grocery stores--if something is in stock, buy it now!
  21. Hoard the small bills--taxi and keke drivers rarely have change and can get annoyed by having to rifle through to give you change.
  22. Be prepared to wake up early and go to bed early. The traffic sounds will wake you up anyway.
  23. Appreciate the lingering after a meeting, visitors in your office, and stopping to chat with people along the road. There's no need to rush.
  24. When someone says that a program or event will start "by 9am," it really means "at 9am." Don't come early.
  25. When greeting a Nigerian in English, they will still use Hausa grammar and sentence structure. Whether you say "Yaya aiki" or "How is the work?" you'll should still respond with "Mun gode Allah" or "We thank God."
  26. Keep a wrap skirt nearby for when visitors show up at your house or you have to step outside for a minute. Wearing shorts outside is never appropriate.
  27. There are traffic rules, but very few know them and no one follows them. When stopped at a roundabout waiting to enter the circle, be prepared for cars or kekes coming up on either side of you trying to enter first.
  28. There's no such thing as jay-walking here and the few pedestrian overhead bridges aren't used. Just look both ways and run across.
  29. Roadside stalls sell cheap food (lunch and a drink for less than $1 sometimes). But be sure it's a place that someone you trust has recommended... gastrointestinal bugs are really annoying.
  30. When you feel ill, be sure to keep any eye on your temperature. Malaria should always be in the top 3 differential diagnoses.
  31. When people say that Jos is the nicest place in Nigeria, they're not joking! At least, weather-wise.
  32. You'll find misspellings, wrong word choice, and missing punctuation everywhere... even in official programs, menus, billboards, and businesses' signs.
  33. Everyone has a title. Some have two or three. I would be Miss Doctor Kate... and my pastor is Reverend Doctor Jeremiah.
  34. Protocol is important. If you're invited to speak at an event, make sure to acknowledge and greet all officials and dignitaries... or at least say, "I wish to stand on existing protocol..."
  35. Most streets have no name and very few have signs. You give directions to your house by saying which roundabout you live closest to and many businesses' addresses will be "such and such business name across from such and such well-known building."
  36. When someone says they'll "flash you" they mean that they'll call your number so you'll have it in your phone.
  37. Never underestimate the power of sending someone a .gif with some saying superimposed over a random photo of flowers, animals, or tourist attraction. This morning I received a .gif via WhatsApp from a Nigerian friend of mine: "Hot coffee. With you. Very Good Morning" overlaying a photo of a coffee cup and roses spinning.
  38. Only buy at the market what you can carry home.
  39. When flagging down a taxi, point in the direction you want to go at the next junction. Then if they're heading that direction, they'll slow down enough for you to call out your destination. If they want to take you there, they'll stop and let you get in.
  40. When shopping with other people, the shop owner can expect you to make change for each other if he doesn't have exact change.
  41. Anti-perspirant deodorant is a joke. Just take a shower every day and sweat like the rest of us.
  42. Learn to breathe through your mouth when driving through the meat market.
  43. Be sure to tell the schwarma or suya shops "Ba peppe" (no pepper), or else they'll douse your food with spicy Nigerian dried pepper. 
  44. "I wasn't feeling fine" is an appropriate reason for any absence.
  45. If you want to give something to a street child, either give them money or buy them something from a vendor's cart. Handing them candy from your purse can be bad since some would say you've cursed the candy.
  46. When looking for something in specific, expect to go to a lot of different shops. Or be willing to pay a bit extra at the first shop for them to send their shopboy around to find it for you.
  47. When bargaining, sometimes you don't have to say anything. Just keep quiet or have a surprised look on your face and they may start dropping the price anyway.
  48. When someone says the price is "one one hundred" it means the price is one hundred naira for each item, not 1,100 for all. The same goes for "two two fifty" which can mean 250 for one, or fifty for each of the two items.
  49. "NEPA has gone" means "the power's off"
  50. Church activities are a very important part of life. Similar to old-school tent revivals in the US which were conducted each evening for a week, there will be events every evening at the Nigerian church leading up to an anniversary service, youth week, or prayer service.

     51. Nigerians are generally friendly, welcoming, and kind. Despite the culture shock, it's really a wonderful place to live.

1 comment:

  1. Good ones Kate! Don't forget "How is your body?" means the person heard you were sick and wants to know if you are feeling better!!