IRC (23 July 2009)

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Riley. Bill Riley.

On 23 July 2009, Chris made his first and last IRC appearance in months. This time, however, he enters what he believed to be a secret "troll" chat, and thus adopted the troll alias of SonichuClone, a.k.a. Bill Riley (though he forgot that his hostname still said he was ChrisChanSonichu, thus blowing his cover immediately; the trolls played along, though). When pressured for a picture, Chris provided one that was on the first page of a Google image search for "man" at the time. Additionally, it was of a middle-aged man in formal attire; not exactly what would come to mind when you think of a typical troll. The Jack Thaddeus E-mails reveal that Jack had instructed Chris to join the Chat, as part of a larger plot to make Chris hump his favorite console.

Notably disturbing are 2 instances where "Bill" tries to persuade the trolls that compelling "Chris" to rape his pastoral counselor Rocky would be the perfect way to troll him. While there's a 0.001% possibility that Chris was particularly clever and tried to set a trap for the trolls by having trolls plan to rape Rocky, then notify the authorities, it is still 99.999% likely that he wanted to lose his virginity and wanted the trolls to give him a good excuse to come onto her.


Artist's interpretation of Chris 'incognito.'

Start of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer: Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009
Now talking in #trolltrain4andhalf
Set by vivitheg!~starroadg@adorable.bunny on Wed Jul 22
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<Ruby> lets PARTY
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<NumberTwo> BROTHERS!!!!!!
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<NumberTwo> fffffffffffffffffffff
vivitheg changes topic to 'i'm sleepy�'
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<NumberTwo> Twenty, twenty five minutes to go, I wanna be sedated.
<NumberTwo> Nothing to do, no way to go home, I wanna be sedated.
vivitheg changes topic to 'DEATH TO AMERICA�'
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<vivitheg> What was that?
SonichuClone has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Looking up SonichuClone user info...

<Ruby> Herro
<vivitheg> Who are you?

Bill Riley

<SonichuClone> Hey, My name is Bill.
<Ruby> Bill WHO
<SonichuClone> Bill Riley
<vivitheg> Bill o reilly?
<SonichuClone> No, Bill Riley
<Ruby> lol
<NumberTwo> Fair enough...
<Ruby> where r u from?
<vivitheg> Who invited you?
<Ruby> asl?
<SonichuClone> I live in Maryland.
<vivitheg> This is invitation only
<Ruby> A/S/L?
<SonichuClone> Yeah, I am a close buddy of Jack Thatius.
<SonichuClone> Thadius
<Ruby> shut up guys he might be hot
<vivitheg> of course, hot guys always welcome
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> You bet I am, ladies. :)
<vivitheg> You got a picture?
<Ruby> Mmm how big?
<vivitheg> PICTURE!
<vivitheg> I WANT A PICTURE!
<Ruby> pics or gtfo
<Ruby> Whats ur cock size, Partner?
<SonichuClone> Okay, hang on. I gotta look it up on this computer.
<SonichuClone> about 5 Inches, give or take.
<Ruby> Eh
<vivitheg> shut up ganon
<Ruby> Ball size?
<SonichuClone> I don't play that game.
<Ruby> How big is the sack?
<vivitheg> SHUT UP
<SonichuClone> 2 inches in diamater.
<vivitheg> hot
<SonichuClone> let me find my pic.
<Ruby> thats a small sack, bucko
<vivitheg> so small is good
<vivitheg> well imo
<SonichuClone> small sack, LOTS OF CUM
<Ruby> hmmm
<vivitheg> well, we're going to be holding a meeting in 15 minutes
<Ruby> know how to use it?
<SonichuClone> Yeah, I am here for that.
<vivitheg> okay
<vivitheg> well just stick around
<SonichuClone> I'm down with it; I've been hating that Chris Chan for MONTHS.
<Ruby> ME TOO
<vivitheg> eh
<Ruby> I'm here cos Chris Chan's cock is too small
<Ruby> I h8t small cocks
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> So, I troll him.
<vivitheg> of course you do sweetie
<Ruby> ;)
<Ruby> we can share this new cowboy vivi
<SonichuClone> I hear that.
<vivitheg> of course Ruby
<Ruby> Double dip, twist!
<SonichuClone> I found my pic, but I forgot how I share it; do I upload it on the IRC, or do I share a link?
<vivitheg> upload it to like imageshack
<Ruby> upload there
<vivitheg> or tinypic wherever
<SonichuClone> cool.
<vivitheg> SQUEE
<vivitheg> I CAN'T WAIT
GeckoMantis is now known as TheRealCapnCrunch
<Ruby> mmmmm
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<vivitheg> WHAT UP JACK
<JackThadeus> welcome gentle trolls
<Ruby> Cowboy, can you double dip me and Viv?
<Ruby> I'm so wet right now
vivitheg sets mode: +o JackThadeus
<Ruby> I'm masterbating with my playstation controller
<Ruby> i have it set on vibrate..........
<SonichuClone> LOL! :)
<vivitheg> snap! you're a bit old
<vivitheg> DONTCHA!?
<SonichuClone> I only LOOK Old; I'm actually 30
<Ruby> mmmm
<vivitheg> shit, you should do something about that
<SonichuClone> I get that a lot. ;)
<Ruby> looks like a soap opera star
<Ruby> I can dig it
<JackThadeus> You guys seen Boku No Pico?
<vivitheg> oh jack you
<Ruby> lolol
<JackThadeus> awesome boy porn
<Ruby> mmmmm shota
<Ruby> fap fap
<JackThadeus> want me to link pics guys?
<vivitheg> delicious
<Ruby> plz
<JackThadeus> meh mayber later after we get bizness done
<vivitheg> ANYWAY, where's your stupid ass daughter jack
<TheRealCapnCrunch> hey guys hows it going i just got back the meeting start yet
<NickDunbar> ...Goddamnit Capn
<Ruby> Wheres cowboy?
<Ruby> Bill, hello
<JackThadeus> Ok people
<Ruby> damn Jack is it buisness [sic] time already? I was about to get fucked by Bill.
<JackThadeus> Do you know the real reason for chris to follow the demands?
<vivitheg> duhhhhhhhh
<vivitheg> fuck microsoft, shit.
<JackThadeus> She was suppose to be here
<JackThadeus> i left her an email and everything.
<Ruby> ikr where the fuck is she
<Ruby> lolol
<JackThadeus> probably out with Maurice
<vivitheg> and cocaine
<JackThadeus> & Jamal
<vivitheg> and cocaine
<Ruby> and the rest of the jackson five
<Ruby> slut
<vivitheg> do ho ho ho
<vivitheg> ANYWAY, cowboy
<vivitheg> you know what's going down?
Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout
<SonichuClone> :D
<JackThadeus> We want to piss off the Xbox 360 tards
<Ruby> Took you long enough
<vivitheg> fuck microsoft fanboys seriously
<Ruby> lol yeah
<JackThadeus> and ruin their sells
<vivitheg> we need to end the console wars
<vivitheg> SONY WILL WIN WOO
<Ruby> Hot huh, Bill? <TheRealCapnCrunch> nah the xbox is the shit
<vivitheg> okay i'm banning you
vivitheg sets mode: +b *!*@gecko.mantis
Timer 1 activated

Timer 1 halted
TheRealCapnCrunch was kicked by vivitheg (fuck you�)

<Ruby> what a small cock
<NickDunbar> So clueless
vivitheg sets mode: -b *!*@gecko.mantis
<vivitheg> ugh so stupid
<JackThadeus> A true fan of Sony would Hump/thrust the shit out of the ps3 console.
<vivitheg> so naive
<Ruby> yeah
<Ruby> a guy with a big cock would do it
<Ruby> and women would suck that shit
<Ruby> they'd eat all dat cum
<vivitheg> and none of us have big dicks HUH JACK EHHHHHHHHHHH
<vivitheg> HEH
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<JackThadeus> Plus anything would be better than seeing that crappy white console being humped
<vivitheg> shit son.
<Ruby> yeah
<JackThadeus> Xbox360 don't know hwo to make good GAMES
<vivitheg> but he's expressed resistance to the idea
<NickDunbar> Y'know why they call it the 360 right?
<NumberTwo> I do not know, why?
<Ruby> Yeah why
<NickDunbar> Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away
<vivitheg> look, jack you gonna get him banned from psn permanently right if he doesn't agree?
<FireBurnt> you turn 360 degrees and moon walk away
<JackThadeus> 360 should be named 180, as in you see the console and wanna turn to go away
<JackThadeus> amirite?
<vivitheg> ugh jack listen to me
<FireBurnt> yeah
<JackThadeus> Yes My 2nd
<vivitheg> oh okay good
<Ruby> You fucking shriner, FireBurnt
<vivitheg> i want to ban him though, it'll be awesome
<vivitheg> can i do it?
<Ruby> Did you burn ur brain AND dick off in that fire of '06
<JackThadeus> only if we DONT have the sony humping video
<JackThadeus> that is when i'll consider it
<Ruby> right.
<JackThadeus> & I am not afraid of myself getting banned at the process
<vivitheg> god then i hope he doesn't do it then
<Ruby> If he doesn't do that video, he's a fucking no dick pussy
<vivitheg> anyway cowboy, what do you think of this whole thing?
<JackThadeus> I have an extra console in my person for the situation to happen.
<Ruby> kewl
vivitheg slaps SonichuClone with a HUGE-ASS TROUT.
<Ruby> SonichuClone
<vivitheg> yo cowboy
<vivitheg> pay attention bro
<FireBurnt> you there?
<SonichuClone> Yo, I'm just waitin' for the BIG Plan; what's next for the r-tard
<SonichuClone> ?
<Ruby> lol
<vivitheg> lol
<NumberTwo> lol
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<Ruby> whadya mean, newbie?
<JackThadeus> why you gotta censore?
Mysterious_Stranger is now known as The_C_Man
<SonichuClone> I ain't censorin'
<vivitheg> well, what do you think about the ps3 thing
<Ruby> better not be
<JackThadeus> r-tard*
<SonichuClone> he's a motherfuckin retard
<vivitheg> that's what we wanted to know
<The_C_Man> Sounds pretty solid
<JackThadeus> ok then
<JackThadeus> the big plan
<SonichuClone> I LOATHE the 360. Damn Red Ring
<FireBurnt> this is a chat you know we chat here not wait
<Ruby> yeah he is, and he's goanna be a no dick retard if he doesnt do this
<vivitheg> yeah, fuck the 360
<SonichuClone> YES
<vivitheg> i'm ambivelent on the wii though
<vivitheg> what do you think about the wii?
<Ruby> agreed, I like Animal Crossing
<Ruby> It's cute.
<JackThadeus> You ever played any 360 games?
<SonichuClone> it's alright; I've only checked it in a store demo.
<JackThadeus> SonichuClone, aren't they terrible?
<FireBurnt> i say we plan a away to destroy all 360s but they're doing that by themselves
<vivitheg> do ho ho ho ho
<The_C_Man> Ooooh, that shit's gonna be TIGHT yo
<Ruby> you so black C WOMAN
<SonichuClone> I hated the 360 fuck-ups.
<vivitheg> of course
<vivitheg> Bill Gates...more like...Bill Gaytes
<vivitheg> heh amirite?
<NumberTwo> lol
<JackThadeus> Gears of War...shit...more like TEARS OF WAR
<Ruby> lol
<NumberTwo> VERY
<Ruby> lol ZING
<The_C_Man> Yeah dawg, dat shit'z gay
<JackThadeus> Star Wars: The Force unleashed? more like Star Whores: GAYS IN A LEASH
<NumberTwo> lol
<vivitheg> anyway, let's introduce cowboy here to the gang
<vivitheg> you know jack obviously
<vivitheg> leader of us all
<vivitheg> And I'm Vivian Gee
<The_C_Man> Man, dat sum homo shit
<vivitheg> nice to meet ya
<NickDunbar> D'oh ho ho
<JackThadeus> greetings
<SonichuClone> HAIL Jack! :)
<JackThadeus> :D
<vivitheg> FireBurnt is some crazy pyromaniac
<Ruby> I'm Ruby Serenity Minge
<vivitheg> and the other people are a bunch of faggots
<JackThadeus> Now SonichuClone
<Ruby> yeah he burnt his dick off
<SonichuClone> I'm a bit clueless on one detail, HOW is it you can get the retard banned from his fuckin' PSN?
<JackThadeus> everyone here has at least 3 reasons of hating/trolling Chrischan, The MAn Child.
<JackThadeus> What are your 3 reasons, my friend.
<JackThadeus> ?*
<SonichuClone> Killed Clyde; Called me a homo after I trolled him, I think he even sent me a virus to take down my computer; I just fuckin' hate the batard.
<SonichuClone> *bastard
<JackThadeus> ok
<JackThadeus> On psn
<JackThadeus> you have 3 strikes then your out deal on the psn
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<JackThadeus> Chris has been banned 2 times now

Surprise Sex

<SonichuClone> You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor; forgot her name, and film it.
<SonichuClone> *have him film it.
<JackThadeus> Which Counselor?
<Ruby> lol why?
<Ruby> Explain.
<SonichuClone> the counsoler he sees weekly
<The_C_Man> Whoa, dat shit's nuts
<JackThadeus> don't know
<vivitheg> uhhhh is her name julia?
<JackThadeus> don't care
<JackThadeus> listen
<SonichuClone> IDK, I think it started with an "R" if I recall.
<JackThadeus> Chris has 2 strikes on the banning
<Ruby> OH YEAH Rocky
<JackThadeus> the 3rd will console bann him for good
<SonichuClone> That's it.
<JackThadeus> yes
<JackThadeus> If he wants to complain
<JackThadeus> then he will have to hang himself in the process
<SonichuClone> hells yeah!
<vivitheg> lol like he told sam right?
<JackThadeus> So if he wants to shoot himself in the head he has no choice but to comply
<Ruby> Where IS Sam
<vivitheg> probably
<JackThadeus> but I do intend on following my end of the bargain
<Ruby> She needs to be off the case if shes doing this shit...
<JackThadeus> That much I promised him.
<vivitheg> of course, then we see a happy sony fan and PISSED OFF 360 FANS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<vivitheg> WOO.
<SonichuClone> YES!
<Ruby> You're so awesome Jack, you have the biggest cock
<vivitheg> (when he doesn't)
<JackThadeus> I know...
<Ruby> So honest...
<The_C_Man> SHit yeah, nigga got a WANG BANG
<Ruby> And humble...
<Ruby> Did you guys know Chris fucking shits himself 2
<Ruby> he's such a retard
<SonichuClone> DUDE!
<Ruby> lol ik
<Ruby> SonichuClone, you ready to be face sat?
<JackThadeus> Chris has 12 hours to comply before I call psn and report the both of us.
<vivitheg> shut up Ruby
<Ruby> lol
<vivitheg> you always gotta ask that
<JackThadeus> The video much be within 8 minutes of him begging me for his psn and humping/thrusting himself upon his console.
<vivitheg> of course, showing how loyal he is to sony
<Ruby> Jack, you are like an electrode
<vivitheg> that way we have something to hang over the head of 360 fans
<vivitheg> they have nothing
<vivitheg> we have chris
<vivitheg> yawn, i'm sleepy
<JackThadeus> So what did you think of clyde, my former lover, sonichu clone? mind if I call you SC for short?
<Ruby> we need some pep
<vivitheg> i liked cowboy better
<JackThadeus> w/e proceed please.
Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout
The_C_Man is now known as Nigafingaonnatrigga
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<SonichuClone> He was a cool man; I enjoyed our conversations.
<SonichuClone> and smokin weed too. :)
<The_Mistress> Hello everyone.
<Nigafingaonnatrigga> Sounds like a tight nigga. Whatchoo talk about
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> SC is cool; sounds like Soul Calibur.
<vivitheg> sup mistress, we got a newcomer here
<vivitheg> anyway jack continue
<The_Mistress> Oh really?
<JackThadeus> What have you conversed with clyde about awhile back?
Nigafingaonnatrigga is now known as NigaTriggaFinga
<JackThadeus> i'm blurry on the details
<JackThadeus> never told me while we were in bed/smoking weed.
<NigaTriggaFinga> Weed iz da BOMB
<Ruby> I love Soul Calibur
<Ruby> I am Talim
<SonichuClone> Shit about Chris, and whatnot. Yeah, this was about a year ago, the last time I talked to him.
<SonichuClone> I like the picture he shared on the net to deceive the retard.
<JackThadeus> If u could do 1 thing to chris, SC, what would you do?
<SonichuClone> really off-the charts.

Doubling Down on the Surprise Sex

<SonichuClone> Force him to dis himself by forcing himself upon one of his surperiors.
<JackThadeus> why do you want him to go see a supperior?
<SonichuClone> IDK, so he can compare himself and see how REALLY SMALL he is.
<SonichuClone> :)
<JackThadeus> Did you hear? Ivy committed suicide over her Dad not letting her move to Virginia to be with Chris.
<SonichuClone> DAMN!
<SonichuClone> how much did that bitch have?
<vivitheg> she tried to call chris once more it was funny
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> Yeah she was so desperate
<JackThadeus> Her dad found out about she called him
<JackThadeus> are you talking about money?
<Ruby> lol
<JackThadeus> she had no money'.
<Ruby> She hung herself because her dad forbid her to see him. Lol she died in vain over a small cock.
<JackThadeus> *crooked cock
<Ruby> hahaha
<Ruby> ik I can't believe Chris thought she was a troll! The one girl who actually loved him. Pathetic. And now she's dead cos of would be next for you on him?
<JackThadeus> Then I will spend the remaining money on his psn accounts.
<SonichuClone> How much does he have?
<JackThadeus> and then call the psn
<JackThadeus> since i know a friend in the office that can ban him.
<JackThadeus> Vivi created a virus to go to his psn.
<JackThadeus> after the ban commences
<Ruby> No more PSN, no more Console! He's goanna loose everything.
<SonichuClone> I was talking about, though, AFTER you ban him forever and like weeks later, then what?
<JackThadeus> Well I do have some aces up my sleeve for THAT moment.
<SonichuClone> Do tell.
<JackThadeus> I have a brother
<JackThadeus> who works at that NBC station in Charlotsville
<SonichuClone> go on.
<SonichuClone> or are you just going to expose him for the bad shit on the internet?
<JackThadeus> I have saved facts tha ED has. A hungry news reporter is BEGGING to report on chris
<JackThadeus> on how much of a internet slob he is.
<Ruby> lol yeah
<JackThadeus> We will give him NEGATIVE media attention
<JackThadeus> (like he had any "POSITIVE" attention from the start >>)
<SonichuClone> I hear that.
<JackThadeus> just like what I did with the radio stations
<SonichuClone> radio?
<SonichuClone> what happened?
<JackThadeus> Hold on a sec I got the radio links
<JackThadeus> there were like 6 or 7 of them
<JackThadeus> this for starters
<SonichuClone> Awesome! :D
<JackThadeus> And here is the thing IF chris were to follow our demands.
<SonichuClone> did you do any of these others on this list here?
<SonichuClone> oh?
<vivitheg> we have a new plan.
<JackThadeus> IF chris is to follow our demands, I will follow my end of the deal.
<Ruby> We did all.
<vivitheg> it's a glorious plan
<JackThadeus> And then we will troll that Joshua Martinez guy that knows Chris.
<vivitheg> that guy's a faggot
<Ruby> yeah he's a mexican
<Ruby> sorry
<Ruby> *mexiCANT
<JackThadeus> & then Chris Crocker after him.
<SonichuClone> who?
<Ruby> a faggoo
<SonichuClone> never heard of Crocker
<JackThadeus> I felt bad chris when Josh tried to steal the psp from Chris.
<Ruby> lol how can you not know who Crocker is, SonichClone?
<vivitheg> jesus lay off the alcohol
<SonichuClone> yeah, I may have heard of him while I was 6 feet under. :D
<Ruby> what?
<JackThadeus> heh
<vivitheg> 6 feet under?
<vivitheg> what
<SonichuClone> Jack gets me.
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> Drunk, Vivi
<JackThadeus> sorry too much to drink.
<Ruby> What the fuck u talking about
<vivitheg> oh, i bet it's an injoke
<vivitheg> or something
<SonichuClone> yeah, an inside drunk joke. :D
<NigaTriggaFinga> Shit man, dat's crazy.
<vivitheg> anyway, it's a big shift for us to move targets
<JackThadeus> I found Chris' ex-BF, Max Molvania...aka Julie.
<vivitheg> where the fuck has he been
<Ruby> lol yeah chris sux his cock
<JackThadeus> he was a traitor & actually Fell for chris.
<vivitheg> really? fuckin christ
<JackThadeus> I had to finish him off.
<vivitheg> gasp
<JackThadeus> So does anyone know how far chris will finish his music video?
SonichuClone has quit IRC
<vivitheg> where's your damn friend jack
<vivitheg> why did he leave
<vivitheg> i wanted a pic of his dick
<NickDunbar> Hm
<Minovsky> chris wants to do rocky
<Minovsky> he wants to do her hard
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End of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009