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March 29, 2006


This is a touching story, but we are puzzled by one statement:

Squiccimarri was visiting the campus on a frigid weekend when she blew her nose and lost the ring.

Huh? Can anybody explain the physics of that?



Had to be one major nose blow

the ring was in her knows?

and why would anyone give a frigid woman a ring?

>ducks and runs for cover<

I've had relationships go into the crapper but not so literally. Wonder if it's an omen they should heed.

Dave - a giant snake popped up out of the toilet and stole the ring while she was blowing her nose. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Wanna know what I would do if my fiance flushed a 2 carat ring down the toilet?

Sue 'er.

"blew her nose" must be a euphamism for something else.

I haven't the wherewithal to come up with anything witty, so I'm trying for a plausible explanation:

When hands get cold, fingers shrink. So the ring was probably fitting loosely. She stepped into the bathroom stall to blow her nose on some toilet tissue, and her ring fell off when she threw the tissue into the toilet.

If that's not it, Kat's giant snake explanation sounds good.

If it had been a guy then a nose ring would have been the obvious answer.

Bledsoe spent 24 years looking for that ring!? Some treasure hunt!

That was one magic booger.

According to this, a sneeze is an involuntary action that exits your mouth at up to 100 m.p.h. (your mileage may vary). Depending on how violent Miss Squiccimarri's sneezing action was, her hands could conceivably have moved with equal violence, and combining that with the Learned LadyBug's (wbagnf educational software) observation that cold weather can shrink hands, the force could have caused the ring to slip off.

Also, Understanding Plumbers wbagnfa plumbing company.

I'm sure Federal Duck and Christobol will want to weigh in on this as well. Gentlemen?

yep, ladybug. that's it. someone i know lost car keys in a self-flushing terlets at a thruway rest stop. .... so it took several hrs to get someone else with her car key... but a 20 grand ring? yeah, i'd tear the house down.

I'd like somebody to explain the name Squiccimarri.

I'd say that sneeze 'rocked her world' in more ways than one.

Soon to be a major motion picture starring Angelina Jolie, Jason Lee, and Harrison Ford as the crusty old plumber, followed by indignant denials from Ford and Jolie that anything's going on between them, followed by Ford leaving Callista Flockhart and flying with Jolie (who dumps Brad Pitt) to adopt Somalia, followed by seventeen solid weeks of alternating pictures of Jolie, Ford, Pitt, Flockhart, and Jennifer Anniston on the cover of People magazine...

daisymae - with a last name like that, you can understand why she's eager to get married and change it.

I'm just hung up on her name. I thought: it's like the marriage of squid and calamari. Immature giggling ensued.

"I didn't feel engaged anymore after flushing it."

I know how she feels. Roberto took off my wedding ring one time, and suddenly I just couldn't help but have sex with him!

I sell jewelry for a living and I can't even begin to imagine how I would suggest someone clean a ring that had been in the crapper that long...

I'm just kidding, by the way.

That was Romário I was thinking of.

Er--of whom I was thinking.

Obviously, "Squiccimarri" WBAGNFA(Italian)RB, assuming there is such a thing.

All I can imagine is 30 little kids trying to get thier teacher's attention

"OOhh, OOhh Mrs. Squiccimarri"
"OOhh, OOhh Mrs. Squiccimarri, Mrs. Squiccimarri Mrs. Squiccimarri!"

"Huh? Can anybody explain the physics of that?"

Well, according to classic quantum theory, it’s theoretically possible for all the atoms in an object to simultaneously leap from one quantum state to another, causing the entire object to move through space-time instantaneously to a new location. Physicists who actually understand this stuff have been trying for years to come up with a way to make the clothes a co-ed is wearing jump 2 meters in a random direction, but so far without success. Maybe they just need the right accelerator (that is, the nostrils of Mrs. Squiccimarri).

PS - And by the way, while "The Nostrils of Mrs. Squiccimarri" might be a little long for the name of a rock band, it would make a GREAT book title...

"This is just one of those things plumbers understand,"

Now if they could just understand how to buy pants that don't show off their blowhole crack we would have a story!!

... um ... I hesitate (but not for long) to mention it, but the explanation could be that she was blowing her nose with her fingers, wanting to be more of a redneck-type "one of the guys" gender person ... when she flicked the "stuff" off her (cold and shrunken) fingers, the ring went with it ...

Yeah, that's gotta be it ...

(BTW, I dismemember from some font of trivial wisdom of long, loooooong ago, that it is a physical impossiblity to sneeze with your eyes open ... merely sayin' ... end of TMI ... for now ...)

I always hold my eyelids up when I need to suppress a sneeze. ;)

I've experienced a few frigid weekends in my time...IYKWIM

many *snorks* at Tamara!

I didn't feel engaged anymore after flushing it.
Hmm.. I wonder if the same trick would work with ye olde wedding band.

I would like to embellish a bit on Ladybug's theory.

The frigid weather/shrinking flesh scenario seems clear, but one must also consider the age of her daughter (17). Ms. Squiccimarri is clearly of an age when the diameter of female fingers begins to ebb and flow with hormonal fluctuations. I would conjecture that the ring was purchased at a point in her menstrual cycle when she was somewhat 'puffy'. This accentuated the difference between the aforesaid digit's "ring purchased" diameter and its "ring flushed" diameter.
I have not attempted to link PMS psychosis to the fact of her getting engaged in the first place because my federal grant is quickly running out. Please insert $1,000,000, and I'll be happy to continue.
*tick tick tick tick !!ding!!*
[Huh. No grant renewal. Guess I'll see if I can sign on with the tadpole eyeball project]

Betsy -

Have you considered development of a system of Braille for the blind tadpoles?

At least until they perfect the eyeball thingy ... merely suggestin' a bidness idea that seems to be needed ...

1] Metal shrinks when it gets cold, not people [excluding George Canstanza type shrinkage of course.]

2] A spacer for the too large ring band might be a good idea, just for future sneeze reference, Miss Squiccccciiiimarrrrrrrrrri.

Killjoy...with all due respect, those of us who live in frequently frigid climates can attest to the fact that icy temperatures leads to shrinkage of the fingers, and many a ring has been lost in peeling off mittens and gloves because of that. First, the flow of blood to the extremities is decreased as the peripheral blood vessels shrink; adding to the phenomenon is the tendency of very low temperatures to coincide with very low humidity, which has a 'fluid release' effect.
The shrinkage of a metal ring is minute, compared to the real decrease in diameter that accompanies the 'de-plumping' of living tissue.
As for George Costanza's problem...well, as far as we know, that's not where her ring was, right? And besides...it was her nose she was blowing...

Betsy - Thanks for the scientific info. I should have remembered having grown up in frequently frigid climates before coming to my senses and moving to Dave Barry land where my brain has been baked by the sun. Excuse me for a minute while I open the pressure release valve on my forehead that lets out unwanted details.

OK, much better know........ [oops, think i lost some language skills thear.] Constanza shrinkage, hehe

I don't think she sneezed. I think she just pronounced her name.

Wasn't Squiccimarri Lenny's friend?

Maybe not.

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