Wednesday, July 13, 2011

ZWR, Crane Kicker, and Danger Guerrero’s Favoritest All Star Game Memories

The time Andy Van Slyke pantsed Nolan Ryan, upon which Ryan’s wang drank a stiff three fingers of cheap whiskey and beat the crap out of Robin Ventura.

In 1987 when Bo Jackson caught a fly ball with his bare hand and then nonchalantly took a bite out of it like it was an apple.

The time Pete Rose had a stomach bug and played the entire game with an adult diaper on. Real gamer, that guy. (Also, he had his mother’s Social Security check riding on the game.)

Hey! Speaking of diapers, Sarge, the time in 2002 when the game was hastily declared a tie by Bud Selig after 10 innings because he "had to take a huge poop." 

That one time Chris Berman had an interesting and insightful point about something that was happening.

In the 1946 All Star Game, when Johnny Mize squinted while trying not to lose a pop-up in the sun and Ted Williams ran out and punched him square in the mouth because he thought Mize was “a damn Oriental.”

When Ozzie Smith did a back handspring so perfect during introductions that he was quietly recruited to join the U.S. Womens Gymnastics team for the 1988 Seoul Olympics in a move that would later inspire the smash 1992 film Ladybugs.

The time Billy Ripken wrote “Go *$%# Your Mom” on the palm of his batting glove and when they introduced him he held up his hand so everyone could read it and people went nuts and his rookie card became worth like fifty dollars.

The time Rickey Henderson walked and handed his batting gloves to John Olerud, whom he mistook for the first base coach.

The time Justin Timberlake reminded me of just how much of a straight baller Joe Namath is.

In 1989 when Tommy Lasorda gave Pedro Guerrero an on-field SlimFast shower, despite losing.

The time my dad called Joe Garagiola “Gorilla Monsoon”.

The time Morganna the Kissing Bandit showed up and chased Sparky Anderson around the infield with a rosin bag.

That year when Jack Buck kept saying Ruben Sierra was Julio Franco’s cousin.

When Chuck Knoblauch’s throwing problems began and he hit Mickey Tettleton’s Uncle Denny in the nose. I wanna say it was ‘94.

That one year when Ray Lankford made it.

That time when Darren Daulton set up kissing booth to raise money for charity and Tom Glavine kept getting in line.


  1. Cranger With Guerroycker

  2. How about the time Cliff Lee wore fancy blue shoes on the mound (ignoring Roy's warnings) and gave up a HR to Adrian "donkey face" Gonzalez?

    Visual proof

  3. ANother good one ZWR.


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