The Fear




Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.


21 thoughts on “The Fear”

  1. Good morning Mr. Tudor,
    I’m not sure which of your blog posts I should leave this under as it’s just a general comment. I only “found” you yesterday and spent 7 hours reading and listening to you. I’ve ordered your books.
    My narcissistic sociopath is greater and cerebral from all I’ve read. As it happens he is a genius so I’ve obviously been no match for him even though I have a relatively high IQ myself. From the very beginning I knew there was something very different about him, even wondered if he might be somewhere on the Asperger spectrum because he wasn’t quite right emotionally. As a bit more time went by, I discarded that and thought maybe he’s just “different” because he’s so logical and literal without a sense of humor, as evidenced by him not being able to take any kidding about himself as the joke it was intended to be. Then I decided he was just different because of his genius, having never met one before. Oh how silly I was.
    I’m minimally very empathetic, possibly an empath. I’ve spent the last 3 weeks since “figuring it out” reading 16 books, as well as everything in 2 Facebook groups. (BTW, would love it if your books were available on Audible, none are.) None of those books brought me the clarity, understanding, and peace that I attained by reading you yesterday. The main thing that I had struggled with, the question none of my reading had answered was the “is he or isn’t he?” question, because my narc has never physically nor verbally abused me, in fact, has never been anything but kind to me. But omg, the lying, not to mention all the other ways the dx fits. Reading you had brought forth memories of specific comments, conversations and events over the course of our not quite year long relationship. I consider myself extremely fortunate that the damage to me wasn’t more severe than it has been, though it’s been emotionally devastating and I sought out a therapist who supposedly specializes in narc abuse. Now, having had two sessions with her, I find I don’t really need her anymore because she didn’t help me understand a fraction of what I’ve come to understand from you.
    Anyway. My story is long and unique to me, but I’m sure for you you’ve heard it all before, so I’ll spare you further details and give you a bit of tertiary fuel, THANK YOU DO MUCH! I don’t know why you’re doing what you do, but I’m grateful.
    If you read this and choose to answer, I wonder if you could explain FUEL a bit better. In my reading I get what it does for you, which of course I can’t really relate to, and would like to understand it better. Do all narcs call it fuel, their lifeblood? Is it comparable to the adrenaline rush we get? Or perhaps like the oxytocin that’s addicts us to you?
    Thanks again.

    1. Thank you for your kind compliments and for purchasing my books. When I have the opportunity, my books will be available on audible. Yes, it is here you will find understanding and if you wish to have the question answered about whether he is a narcissist or not, do organise a Narc Detector consultation.

      1. I absolutely intend to schedule a consultation, but to make best use of your time I’d like to finish reading your books and a good portion of this blog first. I’m investing hours each day and have purchased and finished 5 books so far. I’m not sure how many there are and I’m not really reading them in any order, just choosing based on what I think my needs are. You’ve been incredibly helpful to me, thank you.

        1. Wissh
          I replied to you elsewhere about reading Sex and the Narcissist for your questions regarding their porn addiction, intimacy, etc, but I also recommend Fuel, Fury, and Sitting Target if they are not amongst the books you have read so far. I think those explain the basic behaviours very well as a starting point.

      1. Thank you, K! In the interim I’ve actually read Fear. It’s given me a much better understanding though I find I still have a couple of questions. I’m reading Why now and am writing my questions down as I hope to have a consultation with HG when I’m done.

      2. My pleasure wissh
        Note taking is very helpful. Write all your questions down and I highly recommend the Skype consult; you won’t be disappointed.

        Here is a link to HG’s book list and I don’t know if you are familiar with this shortcut, but if you want to search threads for comments you can use Control F (Command F on a mac) and a search bar will appear on the top right and you can type in a keyword and it will highlight the keyword and bring you directly to the comment.

        On this thread try typing in your screen name or sociopath, do not use MB until October because it highlights every septeMBer.

        1. K, there’s not much September left, but I will gladly change my blog name! Of course, I don’t know why anybody would search for me anyway.

          1. MB
            Ha ha ha…your name is fine but, if I wanted to search your comments on: POLL : WHAT CAUSES YOU TO CONTINUE TO ENGAGE WITH THE NARCISSIST, I would use the keyword: fetal or scroll through all 298 of them.

          2. MB
            Ha ha ha…I assumed this was your comment.

            SEPTEMBER 20, 2018 AT 02:22
            I enjoy your posts Nikki although they do make me tired. Do people still send telegrams? I love how you said his vocabulary would “make a sailor crawl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth crying for days.” That made me laugh! Thank you. Have you ever considered doing an audio consult?

          3. K, you are correct. That is my post. I hope you never have to produce evidence against me! I love this Nikki chick that doesn’t breathe when she talks 90 miles a minute with minimal punctuation. I need a nap after reading her posts but I love her all the same. I’ve encouraged her to have a Skype consult with HG. Word of advice Sir, I would only schedule one (1) for that particular day! You will require extra rest.

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