How weird is milk?

How weird is cow’s milk? Probably not that odd in situ, as it’s sucked from a warm udder by a hungry calf. But what the hell is my human baby doing drinking it?

I’ve always found the concept of humans greedily glugging down a glass of udder juice pretty bizarre (I even went through a long phase of eating cereal dry or with water). But now my daughter’s 12 months and I’m lining up some full-fat cow nectar for her to feast on, it strikes me as stranger than ever.

Come to mama…

How did this happen? Did an under-nourished Neanderthal baby sidle up to an engorged Jersey one day, with a sheepish glance and a ”Scuse me darlin’. I know it’s a bit cheeky but I’m trying to survive here. Mind if I bum a bit of your mammary juice?’ Or maybe an infant suckled from a Friesian in error, confused on account of its mother’s black-and-white hide poncho. Or perhaps a lazy milk maid decided to kill two birds with one stone and get her little one to latch on to an unwitting bovine wet nurse.

Whatever. It is freakin’ weird from where I’m standing. I’d put money on Mother Nature looking down in astonishment going, ‘Hello?! Give ’em your own milk you lazy cows…. Excuse the pun. Feed them till they’re five for God’s sake. It’s what they’re there for!’

Okay. I’m off to the fridge to fill up little Maya’s beaker. It all seems fine now I’ve shared. As you were.

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