all 127 comments

[–]sundarpi8 Days 50 points51 points  (7 children)

Losing a good relationship because you were pursuing a fantasy, it haunts you for a long time.

I can attest to this. I do cry some nights. Spontaneously. Trust me, nobody should go through this. I can't remember the last time I smiled/laughed from my heart. Don't chase some fantasy. What you have is real, cherish it. Don't throw it away. No matter what once you break something it mostly can never be fixed.

[–]eingui24 Days 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'm really sorry to hear that, just know that, if you need, I'm here for you brother. Hmu anytime you need

[–]sundarpi8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I will. Take care ❤️

[–]brainic_computer19 Days 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yeah dude, keep your head up! You got this.

[–]sundarpi8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks bro ❤️

[–]NonJuanDon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Sounds like a recent breakup? Ive been there as well and I know it sucks man... but apply that same principle to the memory of the relationship. Don't dwell on the fantasy and dont let your cognitive bias remind you of only the positives.

The relationship failed for a reason. If it was your fault or porn related, etc. It happened for a reason; fix it! If you were incompatible, make a list of the negatives so you don't look back with rose coloured glasses.

It gets a lot better in time.

[–]sundarpi8 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope so. I’m sorry to hear that brother. Let me know if you need anything ❤️

[–]sundarpi8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the concern. It was a long time ago but I guess quitting porn (irregular streaks of 5 or 10 days) throughout this year has been responsible for processing my feelings I guess. I am still struggling but I’m focusing on the little things like asking my friend to put a screen time password, removing safari browser from phone, etc to win every day. I’m grateful to everyone in this community. I couldn’t reply to every single one of you but if you are in need of a support or a helpful ear, I’m here for you all ❤️

[–]Alexis18319 Days 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I think this is the most thoughtful and sensible post about porn that i've ever read on nofap, just plain common sense without demonizing uselessly or being over the top with crazy theory, its good to read that kind of post!

[–]Zyxabc454531 Day 24 points25 points  (9 children)

You left out the most important part, which is that most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm and be satisfied - something that is often left out of porn.

[–]jaydjdj -2 points-1 points  (8 children)

how do you do that?

[–]CustardCavallier15 Days 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reach a point of trust and intimacy that you can ask her, be taught by her and learn together ...

[–]brainic_computer19 Days 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Also, there’s a bit of information on how to eat a woman out/finger her to orgasm, but remember the most important factor my fellow king: emotional connection.

[–]Hammer_Justice11 Days 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Facts.Before having sex with someone you need to built that base to set you off,because sex is the connection of the two souls,not only fucking.

[–]brainic_computer19 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For reals though man! 🙌

[–]AikidoKrieg55 Days 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Fellow king?

We're not undeserving hedonistic kings, dude. We are people who want to earn glory that we weren't born with. Soviet anthem plays

[–]brainic_computer19 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Soviet anthem! Hahaha

[–]sundarpi8 Days 0 points1 point  (1 child)


[–]brainic_computer19 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. For anybody curious on the subject.

[–]Matesuli 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I just come here to add that this is absolutely true. Sex is millions of times better than masturbating. And you know what's even A LOT BETTER? Having sex when you hadn't masturbated in months! I only experienced this last thing once, but was another level of pleasure and happyness at the same time, i just can describe it as a mindblowing experience... I just cried of all the things i felt at the same time in that moment

[–]Hammer_Justice11 Days 40 points41 points  (6 children)

Honestly the real problem is porn.Masturbation is not that bad IF u can control it or do it in a regulary(a week,a month etc.).This shouldn't be used as a way of escaping real life,like drugs or alcohol.Then it becomes and addiction,wich most people in this subreddit has.

In my opinion porn is what you should avoid completly,but masturbation is good when you have control over it,not it having control over you.

Home some people think the same.

[–]jondesu81 Days 6 points7 points  (1 child)

[–]Hammer_Justice11 Days 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know about it.I'm just trying to say the reason behind all of the emotions people have on this subreddit come from.I know masturbation has to do with it aswell.

[–]monkeymanmike6 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I think your probably right bro

[–]Hammer_Justice11 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you

[–]darthbraydar12 Days 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I hear some people say this is wrong

[–]Hammer_Justice11 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know,maybe.It's just my opinion.

I am aware of what fapping can do to you.I think this 90 days without porn or fapping is great.You focus that energy into something else.

[–]tswishst2 Days 13 points14 points  (0 children)

op spitting straight facts

[–]EllegalAlien38 Days 12 points13 points  (1 child)

You can't get it up after the first few dates because your brain wants variety, you've trained it well.

This point freaks me out. How can I recover from over 10 years of cycling varieties. Still a virgin so I'm scared of not performing my first time.

[–]youspilledthis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The first time doesn't matter much more than the second or third. The person your with matters more.

[–]BellaJButtons 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I really enjoyed your post, however, I think it’s important to stress ALL women can feel insecure, unattractive, and unloved due to their partners porn use It’s not just “7/10” and below. It’s about not being enough for your partner, what everyone else thinks is irrelevant.

In addition to that, attractiveness is so subjective. Some people think Kim K is a 10, some people think she’s a 5. Same goes for Kate Moss or Kiera Knightly.

[–]KingintheSouth4412 Days[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great point!

[–]schiit4brains0 Days 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is the kind of “nofap” comment every guy in here - including myself, needs to read.

[–]Fun_Odysseus 19 points20 points  (3 children)

I would also say (from personal experience) that porn will also make you more likely and open to using an escort. While sex with an escort dismisses any fantasy laid by porn it comes with a whole host of issues not the least of which is that your self-esteem plummets.

[–]the_cardfather147 Days 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Let me tell you a fucked up story about how I fucked up a marriage.

Wife and I were having some issues and we werent having sex. I should have been strong for her and manned up, took control of my feelings, my urges et.

When I was in college this guy came and talked to us and he said, oh you think it's easier to stop PMO when you are married. You think you can have sex whenever you want. Well there is another person involved so you can't.

I hadn't looked at any porn in about 3 years. The whole time we were together and even 6 months before that. I wasn't even jerking everything was cool, but I let my ego get in the way and I let my feelings get hurt and I relapsed. I hated it. I was so worried about dealing with performance problems again that I said, I better go have real sex. I didn't want to get emotionally involved and lie to a side chick (note I wasn't thinking anything was wrong about LYING TO MY WIFE) so I figured out where to get an escort. Let me tell you. I got home and cried like crazy because I knew I fucked up. I lied about it for a while but she was my best friend. I couldn't keep lying. We pretended it was going to get better for a while but it never did. We got divorced finally in Feb.

This is why I'm here. It's therapy, and It reminds me the harm a slow fade that a couple clicks will do. Do with it what you want, but don't let anyone tell you porn is ok.

[–]Hal_Toro_234 Days 8 points9 points  (1 child)


I know of a guy who paid a prostitute to only lick his a-hole because he "wanted to know what that felt like" and he knew his wife would most certainly not be interested in doing that at all.

[–]jucc77teeN1 Day 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Gross...thank god i never thought of that

[–]LordWarcrown 16 points17 points  (6 children)

And forget about the anal... FORGET ABOUT THE ANAL!!!

[–]KingintheSouth4412 Days[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Hey I know you are most likely kind of having a laugh like I did with your comment, but honestly its a valid point you make!

Again, not saying that this or that sex act is super unusual a thing these days but this idea some people get that all sex is all holes, 6 different positions, finish off in peoples faces, several people at once, etc...I just think it messes with real relationships. IMO.

If there's stuff you both want to try, have at it. If you need it, that's different.

[–]the_cardfather147 Days 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you look at the statistical demographics of the people who have attempted or have regular anal it's mostly younger people. It's not like this is a new magical form of sex. It's just porn made it normal. Same thing with pubic hair. Pube lice are actually dying out because everyone shaves, again due to porn.

[–]jucc77teeN1 Day 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah otherwise you will fart all the time. It was never meant to be penetrated

[–]brainic_computer19 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always messed with the idea of doing the act with a partner, but now I’m all “Nah, I think I’m good”

[–]Repost_Roy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

If you ever actually do hook up with someone like this, they are very damaged people and sad cases. I briefly dated a girl like this once and trust me its hard to have an ongoing relationship with someone who is like that. There are often some incredibly sad reasons they got to this point.

What the actual fuck man? I think you yourself have a twisted view of relationships and sex and are jumping to very wide absolutes. I can offer me and my girlfriend as an example. We met when we were 16, we both have never had another partner and as our sex life developed along with our relationship she let me know that she enjoyed a sub and dom relationship. This is not a girl who was 'porn polluted' to quote you, hell she'd never even masturbated before I met her.

Sex is another part of a romantic relationship, and real sex that both partners enjoy, like a relationship, is a two way street. You have to let each other know what you like and what you'd like to try. Trying new things with a supportive and willing partner is a lot of fun.

I agree with the rest of your statements though, it can be easy for young guys fall into a porn fallacy, especially when it's all that you've ever seen regarding sex and relationships.

[–]KingintheSouth4412 Days[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All good man, we each have different experiences that we draw on and I can only speak to mine and you kind of missed my point. I didn't use the phrase 'porn polluted' anywhere. If you are both OK with that then right on. Like any other post on here,I'm just sharing some thoughts.

If you are on NoFap as well I imagine its because porn is a problem some how, so if it gave you something to think about that's good.

[–]PawneeYay 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Sex and porn are two completely different things. It doesn't make any sense until you've lost your virginity. That's why I hate these "if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't fap" posts.

[–]jaydjdj 0 points1 point  (1 child)

how different

[–]Vinci100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know they are different. But what should i do if chances of intimacy with a person i love are very low? And porn is what can fill that void.

[–]RockHauser 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Bruv this is the realist ish I’ve seen in here in a long time. I have a fiancé, have delt with porn, and have felt the consequences in ways I never would have expected. It changes you, it changes what being with a woman is like and can rob you of one of the single greatest joys in the life, loving and being truly loved back. I’ll preach this until I die. Thanks for the good word bruv

[–]masterboodles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"can rob you of one of the single greatest joys in the life, loving and being truly loved back".


[–]PM_ME_LOSS_PORN 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Pretty spot on but like 7/10 girls I sleep with like to be spanked. Maybe not slapped in the face (some do, those are the wild ones and usually have issues), but ass spanking is a big thing for a lot of girls.


Yeah man some people are tripping on my comments like I am a puritan. My woman played that song 'choke me spank me pull my hair' on our 3rd date in the car and it was on. That is different than the wide variety of real hateful shit one can see when looking for the next video. Spice it up with consenting adults is different than conditioning your brain to think aggression is a turn on or incest or whatever. Again just sharing my POV, if it helped, thats awesome.

[–]LePetiteSiren 9 points10 points  (0 children)

well. this is how I got hooked on Cam Girls, because it is very real.

one time I watched a naked gal in a dirty hotel room, cry while she smoked meth from a light bulb. porn never did it for me again.

[–]Kahell20 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]goodgoodnotbadboy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I’m really glad I read that, you out everything into great perspective. It’s so true...what the hell are we doing???

[–]uglymob537 Days 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This needs to be pinned go the top of the sub. Everyone at the beginning of their journey needs this logic, and veterans need a reminder. Great stuff

[–]tyson1983319833 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing about size is incredibly true. I’m on the other end of the spectrum. I’m a “big” guy and most women I’ve been with have actually found it very uncomfortable and sex has been incredibly difficult. It’s actually been terrible for my sex life. Before I lost my virginity porn had me thinking that because of my size i was automatically going to be a sex god. THAT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!! Real sex with a partner is about being attentive to their needs and emotionally connecting and learning how to please another human being. PORN WILL ROB YOU OF YOUR ABILITY TO DO THIS!

Thankfully I found a partner who can accommodate it but that was one out of about 20 women throughout my lifetime. Believe it or not most women prefer average and many of them who claim to have had boyfriends who were “huge” in the past were actually just with guys who lied about their size.

You have no idea how many girls I’ve been with who have said “my ex was 8 inches” and then freaked out when they saw what a real life eight inch penis looks like. Truth is most guys lie about size, most girls don’t know what they’re talking about and being average is probably the best because the average woman is made to accommodate the average member.


[–]Hot_Knowledge 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I just gotta put my two cents in here because I strongly disagree with a couple points here and I think they are unhealthy attitudes to have, so hopefully this is helpful to someone. First of all I agree with the majority of the op, we all know porn is addictive, unhealthy, and "fake" or not representative of real life sex. But what I disagree with is that most women do not like being slapped and spit on, some girls do like that shit, some girls like rough kinky sex and there's nothing wrong with that. Which brings me to my next point is that girls who do like the rough stuff are "damaged". That seems like an unfair assumption and generalization to make about all women. Isn't the point of quitting porn to develop healthier sexual habits and healthier relationships with women? Well we can't do that if we are judging what turns women on. Maybe those kinky desires are inspired by damage, but not always, some girls are just freaks. Granted, I've only had sex with 5 girls so I wont claim to be an expert in females and again I enjoyed the op, I think porn is very unhealthy. Which is what the main point was

[–]gooseduck33 Days 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Aye, plenty freaks out there. Not emotionally damaged, just down to earth cool kinky chicks.

Of course key to exploring kinks is excellent communication before and during sex. Porn teaches you none of that.

[–]Hot_Knowledge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I dated this girl for a few years who was very open about sex. We would talk "details" right after sex, usually before we even got our clothes back on. It was all her idea and I was pretty surprised the first time, I had never heard of such a thing before. We talked details almost every single time we had sex, what we liked and didn't like. And in general we had great communication about sex.


[–]lijagulep18 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)


I have had a similar experience with a girl. It was almost like she was brainwashed and thought sex had to be like porn. A really damaged and sad lady. Even if you find someone who does what you see in porn, it is going to be an empty, lonely connection.

[–]Danny2133316 Days 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Bro, you could not have put all that more perfectedly.

The fcking idea that I lost a brilliant relationship cause I tried to copy out some porn fantasy idea and whilst she went with it on the night, the next morning she said it really disturbed her and from then on, until recently she couldn't get over it.

I apologised profusely about it, and we've become good friends now, really good friends, but I would like more, we have slept together after, once, but we have this strange quasi-friendship, where we're attracted to each other, but the stupidity of what i tried hasn't gone away.

And just because I got the idea watching stupid porn. Never again.

[–]_sinnere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What did you do?

[–]kyzen_1251 Day 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What did u do u can't just share a story and not give the full details that's what this platform is made for it makes no sense to give an half ass explanation

[–]Light_Blue_Moose_98401 Days 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Not sure I agree with the criminalizing people who have kinks such as bdsm, and telling them to question what caused them to do it. Porn didn’t invent bdsm, nor other kinks, it only popularized them. Some people have those kinks, and between two consenting adults there’s nothing wrong with that

[–]JaimetheBR027 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true, but some people might think it’s normal to like go to have their first sexual experience and expect that it will be all kinky which could be harmful

[–]kingofcrusaders6 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Strangely enough despite my addiction to porn it never really messed with my perception of it. I always knew porn was not the real thing. I have only ever had sex with people I love. However, watching porn made having sex difficult. It lasted forever and I couldn't finish. It destroyed my last relationship she didn't feel loved when we had sex and she didn't feel adequate either. She could not have been further from the truth as I love her even now more then anyone and I hope I get another chance with her. She thought I had no idea what sex in actuality looked like because of my broken body and mind. Now though it is up to me to fix it and be able to show those I love that I love them through the physical act properly.

[–]localkirby45 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very thoughtful of you, thanks👏🏽

[–]mjs082433 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent post. Truly well put. Thanks for sharing brother

[–]iM_Bad_696 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! This has given me a new perspective.

[–]KillerInstinct_50 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn dude, right on!!! Needed this

[–]PowerUpTheLighthouse8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good ideas and viewpoint brother

[–]magnimar1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A similar comparision would be between candy and a meal

[–]lzheng0626517 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its only been 14 days, but whenever I get motivated or happy the man goes up. Haven't felt this good since my 44 day streak a year ago. This really spoke to me, thank you! And hope you are doing well.

[–]DoNotEatMySoup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really important post to me because I just got out of a friends with benefits type of relationship that was entirely started because of me feeling like I had to be "running up the scoreboard" to be validated. Porn culture is really toxic and although it's hard at times, your brain and your relationships are what will feel the positive effects of Nofap.

[–]troyasfuck3 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome post. Thanks for sharing, OP.

[–]_channing_12 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very true

[–]bigzaxsnack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I realize that if a woman were to act the way they act in some of the porn I watch I would honestly be like “wtf are you doing” lol, like calm down. Real sex is more about the intimacy and human connection, porn is about the intense visuals and sounds.

[–]DarelMelanie100 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]ManofGod100049 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly all of this, thanks. It also will not go away on its own, you have to choose not to.....

[–]itsteslaa8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Going strong 💪🏿

[–]NPMTRADES13 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post brother.

[–]Razgriz80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey don’t bad mouth Star Wars that was all accurate

[–]LithiumXoul3 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

17M virgin here

Wait it doesn't make sense. I thought most of people, male or female or others, ar kinky. I don't get it. Most of the mainstream porn are like that. And lots of female comments on them like they want to go though that too? And lots of OC porn and stories here on Reddit that does those kinky stuff. And what about those Instagram post that says something like, "Treat her like a princess, fuck her like a whore". One of the people I know who I would call friend posted this. My subconscious feeling like sex isn't complete without those things. Please someone explain.

[–]Oreolove982318 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you sought out all this information makes you a virgin

[–]jaayyyyyyn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I upvoted and saved this amswer with me :) Please continue posting

[–]smuelie91 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Jawa2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

man if I could upvote more then once... also, for women, its more about the relationship and less about the physical, sometimes they give sex to get the emotional love, and sometimes guys give the emotional love to get sex. both need both, but guys, remember sex is less important to most women then it is for guys, give them love rather than just physical affection.

[–]Overall-Network6 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know that nofap is real. My first streak was 26 days. In this time my communication was alot better, i can easly talk to girls have less anxiety and objectify was gone. But now i have no motivation and have so much pervert thoughts, when i see girls this thougts are coming. And is sommer now, y'all clothing sexy and showing more skin...

[–]NonJuanDon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of good points here, but a few I disagree with based on personal experience.

I think most people will definitely agree that porn creates unrealistic expectations of partners and sex, especially in those younger guys who haven't had relationships or enough sexual experiences. I also think that most people agree that porn will create insecurities based on not "measuring up", literally and figuratively, to the actors and acts you see on the screen. Not to mention the physical effects of PIED and reduced arousal response to real women etc... Its a real, serious and VERY prevalent problem that society as a whole needs to address.

That being said, I think the NoFap community (generally) also villainizes a lot of things with black and white thinking. No strings attached sex is one of these things, amongst others like non-vanilla sex. I think abstaining from PMO or even just P has a wide ranging set of benefits that are life-changing. Beyond that, responsible sex between consenting adults is (generally) healthy...Period.

I think most guys would be very content having a longterm gf/wife who they love, are attracted to, and trust. In fact I think most guys would find that more fulfilling than sleeping around indefinitely. But how do you find that woman worthy of settling down with? How do you make sure you are physically, sexually, and emotionally compatible? Answer: you spend time with one another, exploring these things with each other. Problem is, we are limited by time. Some bedrooms die after a year and the women no longer want sex. Some people put on a front initially that disappears after they are more comfortable. An increasing portion of women (and men) cheat, etc., etc. So how to weed out inadequate or unfaithful potential mates? Do you spend a year dating each woman exclusively to see if you are compatible, if she's trustworthy, if you have similar libidos and sexual preferences etc? Well if you're anything like me and in your 30s, that doesn't give you a lot of attempts at finding the one. Me personally? I'd rather date and have wonderful, fun experiences with a wide variety of women that I find mentally and physically stimulating....until I find one that I absolutely can't live without.

[–]xerction33 Days 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Funnily enough, I've only ever been turned on by porn that appears realistic, in relation to my experiences


But yeah, porn industry is cancer to us all, as is the consumption of porn.

[–]AikidoKrieg55 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I laughed out loud at this. My parents asked why.

[–]_sinnere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here. Millions of home vids at that. These guys are stuck on these fake Brazzers type of scene.

[–]neothecat86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow this is great advice, thank you

[–]hejmeddej2 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I havent had sex, but with common sense you should know this

[–]hazzo11079 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good post bro.

[–]The_Slayer37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is legit one of the best posts I've ever read

[–]BanksSVN102 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this!

[–]frmi8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amen to you brother! I can confirm everything. Sex, without love, is a sad and empty experience.

[–]jleon19923 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Great point! I remember not having access to porn for 3 months and as soon as I came home and put it on for the first time in a while I realized how fake it was and how absorbed I was into it. Yet I still got readdicted. Now I'm breaking the habit again.

[–]Melonduck8 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you

[–]Zeus280320028 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a wonderful post indeed bruh. Tysm!!!

[–]scentofbrknhrt34 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So helpful. Thank you for going the extra step and sharing your experiences. I think I knew these things but needs to hear it as clearly as you put it. Hope you stay strong in your journey. ✊🏽

[–]IamtherealHammurabi17 Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Porn is a deceiver, I’m better off without it

[–]_sinnere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Problem is you guys watch fake porn. Millions of home vids.


Hey I saw some comments on kink, and just clarifying my point, for whatever that is worth. Yes, people can do whatever they both want to do. Yes, we all have different turn-ons etc...

My point is, especially to those who I addressed it to, i.e.e lesser experienced, it can cause big problems in your life when your brain associates getting off with all the virtual porn experiences you are having. I am not a professional therapist or anything like that but if you got something to think about, thats awesome. I was just sharing my own thoughts.

I do personally believe that there are degrees to stuff and again, just me personally, if either a guy or a girl thought quadruple penetration is a normal thing I would be sad for either of them. At one point I had an acquaintance who talked his wife into doing a gang-bang to spice things up etc...and they got divorced shortly afterwards. Maybe there are happy people who do that; I just haven't met those ones, I met the ones where one person was pressuring the other and it ruined the relationship so that shaped my opinion on it.

Not that my opinion about your sex matters one bit to either of us really, but when I wrote that I was also thinking of some of the crap I have stumbled across where someone really is getting slapped in the face and the guy (or several) just looks so angry and you can see the girl is hating it. Some of them have even said in interviews they were raped and them screaming for it to stop was edited out etc....and these actresses and actors are very often broken messed up people and I too feel broken/messed up when I realize there is a part of me that got to the point in life that I even saw something like that.

Now some people think anything other than missionary position to have a baby is a sin. That's not me, but if its you, who cares what I think about your sex life anyway lol. I have had girlfriends who were into some porn movie sex and did everything I wanted them to do, willingly, and even then, I was in the middle of real life sex while my brain was thinking about porn. EVERY single study on porn show a tendency to get into more and more hardcore stuff for a lot of people, and porn or sexual addiction is a real thing that can cause you to lose your ability to enjoy it because you will be chasing more and more variety.

OK I feel like I am getting on a soapbox and man that's really not my point. I am on here because I struggle, and right now I am on a good upswing and a lot of this is just me being a little disgusted with myself thinking of how I got to the point of having multiple windows on a computer open watching people I don't know have sex and thinking that is a turn on and trying to process thoughts. Good luck to you with whatever your deal is that has you on here.

[–]nbaprospectHT59 Days -1 points0 points  (10 children)

Women like to be slapped, spit on, gang-banged, whatever. Guys, this is probably the worst aspect of filling your head with this crap, and the most dangerous. Degrading someone or causing pain or panic is really not a thing for the vast vast majority of people. the only thing i disagred. most women i fucked asked me to do those thing. Women are freaks. they might like those thing but wont say it. some will straight up said it

[–]KingintheSouth4412 Days[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

OK I can't disagree that there is a time and place for some stuff. A few key differences though, its one thing to role-play some stuff, and everyone has their own turn-ons etc...but I also know a lot of women who tell tales of their encounters with guys 'who watch too much porn'. If she asks you to pull that ponytail or you try a little bit and get the green-light, all good.

I did know a girl who straight up asked me to choke her out tho like until she blacked out and that stuff just didn't feel right to me. She ended up telling me she had been abused and also watched a lot of porn and thought that would turn me on. Just my own sense of right and wrong, it felt like a dark path.

If its two consenting adults then that's between y'all and its all good. But if you get to the point in your porn fantasy brain that you think thats normal, or much worse, need it to enjoy sex, thats sad and will make a healthy sex life a struggle. My hope for all of us is just that, a healthy sex life, with another person who also is enjoying it!

[–]NonJuanDon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Furthermore, as someone who has come out of a longterm relationship of 6 years, I find nothing wrong with having sex with someone I've just met. There is nothing inherently wrong with a rebound, with dating/sleeping around, or even with dating several women at once. Ethically however, we should be responsible and upfront about these things with the partners we sleep with. Biologically, while having a loving partner is fulfilling, having spontaneous sex with a new partner you've just met and are attracted to, is an incredible thrill of its own.. Its also one we are pre-programmed genetically to pursue. Having these hookups and periods of dating are not only confidence building and validating, but also allow us to figure out what we want and don't want from the partners we ultimately settle down with. And you'd better believe women want these hook ups too! Just ask a girl in your friend circle who is comfortable with you. More and more in western culture, women don't want to settle down in their early 20s. They want to date, hookup and explore their sexuality, freely, with confident, secure and non clingy men that they don't necessarily want to bring home and/or settle down with. I for one, wouldn't want to deprive them of these experiences, nor would I want forego them myself when someone else will inevitably take my place.

As to fetishes, fantasies and agressive/degrading sex... this is another VERY misunderstood area of human sexuality. We are very early in our understanding of female psychological and physical arousal processes. Studies have shown that women couldn't even accurately predict or describe their arousal levels when measured against their physical responses and indicators of arousal. But one thing most non-domme women CAN agree on? Being dominated in one form or another is THE MOST COMMON fantasy described by women. This ranges from physical restraint and aggressive sex, to rape fantasy and everything in between. Not surprising since in nearly EVERY hierarchical species the most attractive/likely to reproduce is the dominant ALPHA male. Females are evolutionarily hard wired to be submissive and attracted to dominant males. Women equate no-holds barred, passionate, aggressive sex as the ultimate sign of unbridled attraction. And why wouldn't they? Its the ultimate flattery to see that we are so attracted to them that we have lost complete control and are temporarily a slave to our passions. Couple that with aspects like physical domination, hair pulling, bondage, spanking etc., and your woman will likely be extremely turned on and happy she can be submissive herself, sexually.

There's a reason 50 shades of Grey and other erotic novels are bestsellers for women. Generally when it comes to sexual fantasy, we as men are visual and watch porn. Women, instead, (typically) read and fantasize about confident, capable men who they can explore their submissiveness with and with whom they can let their sexuality blossom. In my experience, even the most vanilla or inexperienced seeming women, including even virgins LOVE exploring this stuff as they get more comfortable with themselves and you sexually. The psychological aspect is extremely arousing for them, and I think most women would agree that the average man doesn't take nearly enough control in bed nor is spontaneous enough sexually. Show this paragraph to a woman who is comfortable being honest with you and see if she disagrees....

[–]anbublackops42069 2 points3 points  (5 children)

i agree w that, although u said it in a really strange kinda degrading way lol. kinks are an aspect of all people, and while porn can really up that anti, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not there. u can still be into that stuff and not watch porn. you can still have a very successful dom/sub relationship with no porn involved. BDSM, as a community, shouldn’t be seen as desensitizing.

[–]Zyxabc454531 Day 3 points4 points  (4 children)

[–]anbublackops42069 0 points1 point  (3 children)

u really just linked me to some random forum lmao w no research behind it? just some person talking about their own very specific situation?

[–]Zyxabc454531 Day 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No, it's a collection of quotes from 60+ different rebooters who all experienced loss of fetishes after rebooting.

[–]gooseduck33 Days 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some fetishes are porn induced. Many aren't

[–]Hlbhlbhbs -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Everyone who isn't a retard knows this, even if they've never had sex lmao

[–]Rahul_Surendra -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Star Wars is real!

[–]DurtBerger 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That last bullet point goes crazy. I felt the same way when I started college, but superficial sex and otherwise does start to grate on your soul. There's something so isolating about delusion, with porn being one massive amalgamation of delusions and distortions. Our society right now is so intensely fueled by sex, that in many cases it starts to seem that sex is more valuable now than intimate relationships. This isn't saying that having emotionless sex is a bad thing, but I do believe that to really thrive as a person you need close intimate relationships, and if you don't have that you will suffer, and no amount of meaningless sex can alleviate that.