It’s My Birthday!



Two years ago a friend of mine told me that I should write a blog. I’m still not sure I have anything to say that anyone would care about, but the “stats” on my blog seem to suggest that people are reading, so I guess I’l just carry on writing.

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I do take suggestions, comments, or criticism. And since some people aren’t comfortable leaving the things they want to say in the comment section, remember that I have an e-mail address:


I’m happy to write about any topic that I know about if you have questions, so remember to keep those questions coming.

Thanks for sticking with me the last two years, whoever you beautiful people are. It’s been fun, and I plan to continue.

I do try to get a post out once a week, though I’m doing a lot of travel this summer and moving countries again, so bear with me when I miss a post or two.



New Sex Toy!


A friend of mine quit his perfectly good job as an experimental particle physicist to make sex toys. When he quit, the university was somewhat surprised. Scientists do not often walk away from a research grant.  But he had a dream.

So he adopted the title “Doctor Extreme” (a reference to his real-life PHD, and what he is using it for all rolled in one) and began making sex toys.

The first invention was called the X-1, and it used a different kind of vibration technology than what had been used in the past. I wrote about it when it came out. But now he’s taken it up a notch with the Ambrosia Vibe, a dildo that is sensitive to touch, and connected to a vibrator. It’s best if you see it.

It has all kinds of applications, but as someone who often pegs my pet, I like how the vibrator can fit into the dildo to rest up against a girl’s lady parts while she’s fucking someone with the dildo. I think that could be a neat feeling, and I’d like to try it.

Anyway, the Indigogo campaign is doing well and you should contribute if you can, because it will help a real scientist look into really awesome ways for girls to get pleasure from sex, and that is something that makes me really excited.

As you know from many of my previous posts, women do not usually have vaginal orgasms. That means you can pound away all you want, and we’re not going to have much fun. But with science, new possibilities of enjoyment and fun are on the horizon, and I’m excited to see what Doctor Xtreme does not only with the Ambrosia Vibe, but with all his future inventions as well.

Deacon X at The Analogue Cafe



Sunday I went to Deacon X Fetish Night at The Analogue cafe in downtown Portland.

For those who have never been to a fetish night, it is a great experience. There is usually a lot of different toys you can check out, like various whips and paddles, and a violet wand. If you’re new to kink, these “tastings” can help you figure out what you might like, and give you a chance to play in a risk-free environment without having to buy the toys first.

All new folks to the community should definitely take a night to go to a fetish event like Deacon X or a fetish prom, to have the opportunity to experiment.

I appreciate the fact that the first thing they did was put tape over both sides of my camera phone. This is to discourage pictures, since there is nudity. The girls who agree to be rope bottoms or anyone who does demos nude agree to put on a show for the guests, but NOT for the internet.

And there were some lovely performers. I particularly appreciated the girl who danced in a hula hoop suspended from the ceiling. I wish I could have found a picture online.



I also want to mention that it was my second time seeing a guy in the Portland area who goes by Nobel. I had seen him before at The Velvet Rope with my brother. He’s one of the better rope suspension artists I have seen, and that’s saying a lot coming from me. If you’re ever in Portland, I’m told he teaches rope classes, and if you’re into Shibari, you should check it out.

It was a really good night and Portland kinksters can be very friendly at events. If you happen to be in Portland on a Sunday night when Deacon X is going on, I’d recommend checking it out.


Gender is Different for Everyone

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I recently made a transgender woman very angry.

In the kink scene, you meet a lot of transgender folks. It’s a community full of taboos, and since there are such rigid gender stereotypes in most of the world, the “freaks” have to stick together.

And usually I’m good with that. Usually I’m very okay with letting people be whoever the hell they want to be, and to define themselves in any way they like. However, much like religious freedom, your gender identity and gender concepts do not define me. I get to be my own person too.

There was a conversation going on about hormones, and how much they effect a person’s personality. Often, people who mess with their hormones for any reason find themselves truly shocked at the personality changes this can cause. We all like to think that we’re 100% responsible for who we are. But we’re really not. We’re made up of all sorts of chemicals and hormones that effect us much more than we like to admit.


So I chimed in. Because I had thyroid cancer, and the unbalanced hormones threw everything off. I found myself with more testosterone than a lot of men, plucking thick black facial hair and feeling aggressive all the time. But also, I stopped having my period.

For some girls, that wouldn’t effect their gender identity at all. They would still buy shoes or love styling hair or care about fashion. Or maybe they would still bake and do craft projects. Whatever. Because they were socialized as female, they would still have “female” traits that helped them identify with their gender.

But my dad wanted a son, and he raised me to be a boy. My childhood was all baseball, basketball, remote control cars, and blowing up my sister’s Babie Dolls with fireworks. I never identified with the female gender role cast by society, and I still don’t. So for ME, having a period was the thing that my guy friends teased me about that made me a girl. It was the only thing. I was as strong and fast and brave as them, but I had to buy tampons. And they teased me about it. I don’t mind. Guys often show affection by teasing. It’s part of how we/they are.

However, for me, when my T-levels spiked and I stopped getting my period (which to this day I still don’t get,) that’s when I no longer felt like a girl.

I made the mistake of saying this to the group, when talking about the profound consequences of a change in hormones.

And this transgender girl threw a fit at me. She said I was a horrible person for thinking that having periods has anything to do with being female. She said my idea of my gender was messed up. She totally flipped out on me.

It’s not like I don’t understand why. I get it. She has XY chromosomes and even if she has surgery to change her genitalia when she’s done with the hormones, she’ll still never have a period.


And you know; that does mean something. Transgender women act like it doesn’t mean something, but it does. It means they will never know the fear of getting pregnant. And they’ll never know the fear of BEING pregnant. So many teenage girls have truly horrific experiences with late periods and serious stress over accidentally finding yourself pregnant. And we stress about birth control. And we stress about the availability of abortions in some cases. An enormous part of being female is the fear of pregnancy and the consequences thereof. So no, trans women can take hormones and get surgery, but for now, that is one part of being female that is forever closed off to them.

Beyond that, it’s ridiculous to tell me that my gender identity can not be effected at all by my not having periods. Of course it can! It’s MY gender identity. I’m not defining anyone else’s gender or telling them how to feel about themselves. I’m just saying that I lost the thing that made ME feel like a girl, and now I mostly feel 100% male. I might live in a girl’s body, but that’s just the outside and I don’t place a lot of value on that. To me, I lost the thing that made me feel like a girl.

And if anyone should understand feeling like a gender whether or not your outsides match, it’s transgender folks.

Mostly I respect them because I would never have the courage to do that. I was born with XX chromosomes, and no matter what I feel like on the inside, my outsides will always reflect that. I’m not getting my breasts removed or having a fake penis installed. I’m not comfortable doing that to my body. But I respect people who do, because they have far more commitment than I do to make their outsides match their insides.

I just think everyone should remember to let people define their own gender how they want. It’s not fair to try to tell others what criteria they should define themselves by.

Fresh Eyes


When I was in High School I was… not your average kid. Everyone called me a slut, and they were not wrong. I figured out that sex could be fun, and so I had a lot of it. I de-virginized many people, and I enjoyed opening their mind to a whole new world of amazing and wonderful feelings and fun.

I still try to open people’s minds whenever I can to the fun and liberating ideas I enjoy.

A few months ago, I came across a guy who had spent 20 years in an unhappy marriage with very little sex. His recent divorce had him sort of depressed and miserable. I decided I was going to help him cheer up a bit and realize that being single meant sex and fun. And so I did.


Bringing someone into the community can be such a wonderful feeling that I just have to brag. The timid feel of holding a flogger for the first time. The feeling of taboo about rape fantasies or handcuffs. Just that whole thing where everything is bright and shiny and new.

I guess I am apathetic. I hate to say it, but it is true. There’s an expression that “It’s only kinky the first time.” And while I think it takes much longer than that for the newness to wear off, it does wear off eventually. After so many years, a person hanging from meat hooks is kind of just a Tuesday night. Things like a flogger or a dildo are so far from “kinky” in my mind that they seem fairly vanilla. I am jaded and I know it. It feels like it’s all been done, and it has for awhile now.

But bringing someone knew into the community can make things sparkle again for the first time. You can see it all through their eyes and it can all seem exciting again.

So remember, opening another person’s eyes to kink can be wonderful for you, as well as for them.


Things You May Not Know

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A recent reddit thread upset me to no end, and I want to talk about that.

It was a thread about Herpes, so naturally, most of the people in the thread had HSV-1 or HSV-2.

As such, they all talked about it with this completely cavalier attitude. “It’s no big deal,” one random idiot said to me. “It’s only made to sound like a big deal because drug companies want to make money off of treatments.”


I am going to set the record straight for all the people in that thread right the hell now: If you have ANY kind of STD at all it really, really IS a big deal. And if you knowingly spread it to other people because “It’s just a rash, so who cares?” then you should be locked away for the rest of your goddamn life.




Lots of people in this thread confessed that they did not tell sexual partners about their infection, even though they knew there was a 70% chance of passing the virus to their partner even while using a condom.

I have said before that it only takes one cell for an STD to be passed from carrier to new host. I have said that condoms aren’t enough, and that you need to have clean STD tests going back 6 months. (By which I mean, one from right then, and one from 6 months back.) I have again and again cautioned that STDs are spread by skin to skin contact, and a condom does not prevent some guys balls from touching your ass and giving you a rash you’ll have for the rest of your life.

And I am pleading with all of you; take this seriously.


(And I’m going to show you some very graphic images so you might take this more seriously.)


Obviously, what I want is for everyone to get tested often.

I do.

And I think every single responsible adult should. Because if you end up with an STD that can not be treated, then you need to stop having sex with people that don’t have that STD. Seriously. And I don’t care how much that sucks for you.

I knew a girl when I was living in South Korea who had HSV-2. (That means she had genital herpes.) And she would often take guys home from the bar and have sex with them. She justified this with excuses like “Well I was drunk” or “We used a condom” or “I’m not having an outbreak right now.”

I want to dispel all those myths right now:

1. I don’t care how drunk you are. If you have an incurable disease there is no fucking excuse for spreading it.

2. Condoms are only 30% effective in preventing the spread of Herpes between partners. Ergo, that still isn’t okay.

3. The virus “sheds” even when you are not having an outbreak and so YES you can absolutely pass it on when you don’t have sores.

4. And, because I hear this one a lot too, NO it does not matter if you are taking medicine to help prevent you from having outbreaks. You are still contagious. You are always contagious. Period. We have no way to prevent the spread of Herpes.

I am not saying you can never ever have sex again. Far from it. You CAN have sex with the millions of other people who are already infected, just like you. There are loads of special dating sites just for people who are HIV positive and HSV positive.

But the sheer amount of infected people on reddit who told me the disease was “no big deal” and that they’re fine with spreading it made me furious.

Look, I want you all to take a moment and consider this amazing fact:

STDs could die out in one generation if we stopped spreading them. 

Think about that. I mean really think about it. Sure, 10,000 years ago there was no way to kill off an STD. No one could get tested, and loads of people can just be carriers and never actually have symptoms. So all those people spreading STDs couldn’t really prevent it the way we can now.


See now, you can get tested. And if you find out you have something, you can choose to be a responsible adult and not have sex with people who don’t have it. You can choose to not spread it. And if everyone does this, STDs will not get passed on. The viruses will die out. And we’ll make a way better world for everyone.

Now, I ask for STD tests before sex. I do this to spite the fact that I mostly go for innocent-type folks who haven’t slept around. I do this even if I trust them. And I get a lot of negative reactions. People can be downright mean.

“This means you don’t trust me.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get an STD test?”

“Why should I have to prove I don’t have an STD if we use condoms?”

Etc… etc…

And society is on the side of these folks. That’s why I know preppies who actually brag that they have never been tested, because they’re happier not knowing if they have something. No one wants to talk about STDs. Even my fucking doctor last time I went for a test was a dick about it.

“Well,” he said, “why do you want the test? I mean, what have you been doing? Anyway the HSV tests are expensive and you should only get them if you think you have been exposed.”

Fuck you doctor. And fuck you people who don’t get tested. And fuck everyone on reddit who knows they have HSV 1 or 2 and thinks it’s “no big deal.”

If I sound angry, it’s because I am. We’re talking about the wanton spread of disease. We’re talking about people who don’t care that they’re infecting others. And that is NOT okay. I don’t care what rationalizations you use. It’s just not okay.

Fun things I learned from the reddit thread (for those too lazy to read through it.)

1. You can get Herpes anywhere. It’s most commonly on the mouth or genitalia, but you can get it on your forehead if you’re a wrestler who ends up with your sweaty head against some guys sweaty balls (yes, this happened to a guy.)

2. A huge portion of new cases on genitalia are actually HSV-1, and are obtained when a person with a cold sore performs oral sex on someone.

3. Viral researchers think Herpes is 100,000 years old.

So those were neat things to learn.

Now: One last thing. I want to talk  about how I would solve this issue. I think the system that porn stars use is great. Mandatory tests every six months. And when you test positive your name is EVERYWHERE so everyone knows.

No one talks about STDs. They get really uncomfortable if you even bring it up (and this includes my doctors.) But there is no reason for this. If we taught kids the truth about STDs, and if we would all be more mature about talking about them, then we could actually eradicate these diseases. And that would be awesome.