Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 08 June 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 08 June 2010
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"OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.



Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."






Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Hey, it's not life imprisonment!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

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Hear about the just-announced,...

Hear about the just-announced, sleek new pancake-making device from Apple? The iHop.
#joke #short
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Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Tuesday, 08 June 2010

Funny video of the day Tuesday, 08 June 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
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The trumpet player had been bl...

The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door. “I live next door to you,” he explained. “Do you know I work nights?” “No,” said the trumpet player, “but if you hum a few bars, I’ll get the melody.”
#joke #short
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Used Car

Each of the women said "We can't drive".
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Funny Photo of the day - Do Laundry, Not War

Do Laundry, Not War | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
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Why Is This Night Different?

During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told George that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
"That's a great honor," George said. "Why would you turn it down?""Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? ... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak.
Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh."

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A woman consulted her physicia...

A woman consulted her physician with the complaint that the insides of her thighs had acquired a greenish color.

After much research and consultation with experts in the field, her physician informed her that he believed he had found a diagnosis, but would have to ask her a rather personal question.

"Is your husband a Greatful Dead fan?"

"Why yes, he is," she replied, "In fact we met at a Dead show and were avid followers of their itinerary right up until the death of Jerry Garcia"

"Well, you can tell your husband" advised the doctor "that his earrings are not real gold!"
#joke #doctor
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What jumps when it walks and s...

What jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?

The birds and bees...and cows?




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Farm Jokes 05

What is a cow's favorite TV show?

Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?

Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?


What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?

A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?

Because they like being amoosed!


A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!


A groundhog!

How do you take a pig to hospital?

By hambulance!

What do you call a joke book for chickens?

A yolk book!

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Aziz Ansari: Rap Producer Boast

I heard this guy going around talking about how he was this big rap producer, and he was just going around and boasting and bragging. And in one of those bragging sessions, I heard him just tell somebody, Hey, hey -- why dont you try making four beats a day for two summers? What a dangerously specific challenge that is.
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An explorer walked into a clea...

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
Joke | Source: - Joke of the day
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Picking a punishment #joke #humor

So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".
Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.
So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K.
Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
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Why did the blonde tip-toe ...


so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

#joke #short #blonde
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A blonde, brunette and redhead...

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 31 July 2009
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Brain transplant



#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 June 2008
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First time in the big city...

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside. One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance. When the first guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where ya been?" he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2009
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A cou...

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A Bible story....

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. But his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

#joke #short
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Business One-liners 108

Hugh Downs' Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 - When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 - When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 - Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2. Rule 4 - Apply Rule 1.
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Emersons' Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment.

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