1,552 thoughts on “You should’ve asked





      Liked by 2 people


        Liked by 2 people






      4. Nigel, I am a woman and went out to work at a ‘regular job’ and was so utterly relieved when my partner took over the childcaring and household work. I know so many women like this. One of my work colleagues recently came in to work sick because she knew she would get a better rest at work than at home. Please believe us when we speak from experience. Because not believing us and dismissing our concerns is what got us into this situation in the first place.



        Much respect for your attempt to be respectful, but I must take exception to this sentence. Most jobs out there do not have to assure the complete well being of one or more uncooperative charges who are 100% assigned to you, are not on duty 24/7/365, don’t face social censure or criminal legal repercussions for doing a bad job, and are at least paid something for the effort. If your job is like most other jobs out there, it’s a casual walk in the park compared to being a full time mom.

        My job entails plenty of worry and responsibilities. It’s still nothing compared to my partner’s unpaid labor at home with our kids. Relatively speaking: it’s worry-free.








      Liked by 2 people



      2. Wow. So according to you, every dad is a pretentious ass who apparently doesn’t give a shit about his family and comes home from his worry-free work at five and chugs a beer on the couch. Wasn’t there something in the comic about stereotypes because this certainly is one.
        Yes I believe you that your job is tough, but buh buh. Having a stressful live is not exclusive to stay at home moms. I have seen people ground down to the bone by their jobs or other occurrences in their lives and I’m sure you have too. Live sucks for a lot of people, probably for most. If you and your partner can’t figure out how to balance all that shit, then maybe your relationship is not exactly made for raising kids, because apparently talking to each other about the issues that you experience is something you have yet to figure out and I believe it would probably resolve a lot of your problems.
        Then again, if you are already fighting when the kid is just a toddler, that seems like a very healthy base for a long lasting relationship.


      3. While I am very sympathetic to the mental load argument, I think one core problem is that men have lower domestic standards than women (or women’s standards are too high by men’s standards). What women consider dirty and men consider dirty are frequently at different thresholds. In my house, I clean when it is dirty, but my wife usually cleaned it 2 days before it hits my level. Likewise, if the kids’ clothes do not match, who cares? The answer is: my wife does. It goes on and on – if I put a clean plate in the wrong place and get told that I do not know what I am doing, why should I do it again. Many women have their own issues with domestic perfection that they need to get over, because few men have such qualms. Once women come to a less onerous standard of domestic perfection, maybe men will become more engaged in sharing the mental load as the need to get things done starts to break through their thresholds.


      4. Men’s housework time lowers when they get together with a woman. So yes girls are raised to do be cleaner than boys but it doesn’t explain everything. Men rely on women for housework when they live with them (and women are raised to find it normal)


      5. A Mason : If you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s because you haven’t made the effort to learn. It’s your kitchen, you should know where everything goes. You’re a great example of the men who are lazy and expect their wife to handle everything related to the household.


    4. Ugh, ignore the mansplainers. 🙄


      Liked by 2 people










        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s not that simple for those who grew up with abuse and neglect. We’re not taught how to understand our souls and personalities, or ourselves over others in any way, or how to think critically about what, or who will be good for us. We’re taught that we have no choice, that we don’t matter, that we don’t even deserve to be here let alone deserve happiness.
        Even when abuse & neglect are not as extreme, there are endless unhealthy coping mechanisms & social traumas so many of us Humans have only begun to unlearn. I’m glad someone taught you self esteem instead of self loathing, but your view is Privileged AF


      3. Both of you have a point.
        However, in the end analysis it’s a shared responsibility.
        Men who ignore this reality are definitely adding to the mental load of the woman and are deficient in common sense.
        You marry her because you love her, not because you want a servant so don’t burden her with “everything” household, help her in making it a place you’re both happy with…key word “both” then that will be an expression of true love for her

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok.
    And now like half of you are in a freaking war.
    Is it just me or does that totally suck?

    Liked by 1 person





    Liked by 2 people








    Liked by 1 person






    3. Men who do things wrong on purpose (see: spaghetti stored in a pitcher) or say “they can’t do stuff good enough for [your] standards” are using a classic technique to get you to stop asking them to contribute to the household. They hope that you’ll become frustrated and feel like it would be easier to do all the work than to take the time to “teach” them how to do things correctly (spoiler: they usually already know how). They value their lazy time over your health and happiness.


      1. Wrong or slowly (like take 2 hours to really perfectly cut an onion while you already emptied the dishwasher, cooked the pasta and did a laundry) or in a bad mood so that next time you’d rather do it yourself than hearing him grumble and shoot in things while vacuuming .. 🙂 )




    Liked by 2 people


      Liked by 1 person




        Liked by 3 people






      Liked by 1 person










      Liked by 1 person

        Why target this to men instead of all people in relations?

        Liked by 1 person






















    It is more than that:
    * she remembers that we need new water bottles
    * she remembers that we need to buy a birthday present

    The list is endless.







    Best, Torsten


    1. Torsten



    2. Torsten,







  16. This is an issue of personality types and communication issues, not gender. You’re supposed to work on issues together. Making assumptions about motivations or assigning blame based on gender is not helpful or conductive to a healthy relationship. Communicate problems to your partner(s) and try to see it from their perspective. For example, to me this comic reads as someone who is very controlling expecting their partner to be a mind reader. I know from experience however, that this is an issue of differing perspectives on how things should be kept and done.

    A messy table doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t care if my partner leaves some stuff on it, that’s what it’s there for as far as I’m concerned. When I’m with someone who shares that opinion, yeah the table gets messy, but neither of us care or see it as a problem. When I’m with someone who expressed that that bothers them, I make an effort to keep the table neat and organized. Different people have different standards of how a house should be kept. Talking with your partner about this and being clear that you’re not just reminding them that a chore needs done, it’s something that actually bothers you is important for peaceful cohabitation. All of this applies to pretty much anyone you live with, parents, kids, roommates, whatever. Again, it’s not a gender issue.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Wow. I’m blown away about how men are diminished with all these comments. Does it help the problem? Does it solve the situation?

    Women: You are different to men. Men are men, don’t try to change them or make them into women. That’s not gonna happen. You can’t turn water into wine!
    Men: Don’t be so naiive to make assumptions that at home you only do what your asked to do. Homes are your responsibily, spouse and kids INCLUDED. Happy wife, happy life. Make your wife happy by trying to figure out what she wants you to do BEFORE she asks you to do it (it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever TRY)
    Women: Give and share responsibilities and follow them through. And when your spouse does the little pathetic thing, give them credit for it.
    Men: Take responsibility. Learn what your Very Important Person does by observing what she does and then help her with it. Do it for her, do it with her. Love is ACTION, not only a word (although needs to be said often!)

    Both: Read “Men are from Mars, women from Venus”, “7 habits of highly effective families”, listen to Mark Gungor “Tale of two brains” seminar and things similar to these. Study how the other sex thinks and functions and use that knowledge in your advantage.

    I’m not a perfect guy, friend, husband or a father. But I try. And I fail. But then I try again and again! And again!! Sometimes you lose, sometimes you learn.


  18. I do not believe that it is fair to say that MEN do not carry the mental load.

    I go around my house noting when something is out or needs to be fixed or cleaned. just the same as my partner does. though we tend to have priorities in different places.

    also I wouldn’t say that taking 2 hours to clean one table off is a good attribute, thats called getting distracted and not prioritising.

    yes men do tend to be more single minded but thats a positive! it only becomes a problem when they then are lazy and don’t continue to clean up.

    overall I think this is a good read, though I think the statistics might be slightly skewed, and I think some of the anecdotes are a little cliche. YES if you compare a stereotypical hard working woman to a cliched lazy/ distracted man, you will certainly find lots of problems to tell stories about.

    also… I resent that you generalised feminists into being only women, and ask men to help the call to action. as though you can’t be a male feminist. LOL


  19. There’s a simple way to avoid all this: Stay single and don’t reproduce. In fact, avoid relationships in general. LESS PEOPLE = LESS PROBLEMS.


  20. Thank you for creating these comics (I commented on a different post & meant for it to be on this one). They are very effective at shining a light on blind spots, and they have me considering my own actions and the role that I play in my household.

    It seems to be an issue of poor communication on both of our parts when one feels that the other isn’t carrying his or her weight in a particular area. I understand that men and women both carry different types of mental loads, and men may be better able to process them (the “I don’t give a damn” seems to be easier for me in general than my spouse)

    When I have an issue, I try to look at what I did to contribute to it, and she does the same. Obviously, it doesn’t always play out this way. Demonizing the other for something that was not communicated is a great way to end up resentful and divorced. Of course, men should carry their load, but focusing solely on how they don’t carry it does zero to actually solve the issue.

    Men are much more likely to communicate their value and what they want. Women have unfortunately been conditioned that their wants and needs are secondary, so they just carry the load instead of communicating about it. A lot of it has to do with the partner dynamics as well. If you have communication issues, bringing something like this up could be tantamount to World War 3.

    The solution to so many of these problems is to look at how we are contributing to the problem, not demonizing the other party for making us feel a certain way.

    Is it them? Yes.
    Is it us as well? Also, yes.

    When we can take a step back and readjust the lens through which we see things, it makes a huge difference in feeling resentment and lessens the overall mental load. The last thing you want to do is add resentment to the weight you’re carrying.

    Also, for fuck’s sake, if your man isn’t helping at all, do what some of the women here have suggested and go do you for a few days while he figures it out for himself.

    Thanks for sharing these, and if you read this far, I appreciate you as well.


  21. Going to work is the end of his worries for the day?? You obviously have no understand of having any job, even less a stressful and high level one.

    I’m a straight woman I think the housework (where I basically do everything) don’t even come close to the mental load I have at work. I’m a senior executive and manage a lot more then a household at work….

    I can absolutely relate to missing to work tho. Staying at home and not developing yourself and worst of all not interacting with any adults. I wouldn’t be able to do that full time.


Leave a Reply


WordPress.com Logo


Google photo


Twitter picture


Facebook photo


Connecting to %s