Call Me Woman





1. She was a perfect ____ about it.
4. Some ____ reported that they experienced multiple orgasms.
6. A ____ was raped in the city centre last night










45 thoughts on “Call Me Woman

  1. An interesting and timely read, thank you! I’ve recently been working to reduce and minimise my use of “lady” for reasons that gel with your argument above, so this was positive reinforcement. FWIW, I chose “women” for number 2, as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for writing, I really enjoyed this and I’m looking forward to future posts!

    It’s interesting that a term of real world power and class status such as ‘lady’ becomes a tool to divide women by way of pretending that all women who conform to femininity could lay claim to some similar respect and power. I seem to remember (though could be misremembering) Spender noting in Man-Made Language that, as they become theoretically applicable to any woman who measures up, the clout of such terms in their capacity as honorifics is also significantly lessened.

    I think derogation also applies to some sense/s of “lady”: it is scathingly used to refer to an uppity and/or insignificant woman (“now listen here, lady”), for telling off demanding girls (“that’s enough out of you, young lady”), or as a diminutive for adult women as in “little lady” or “my old lady”. I reckon there’s enough to propose a negative sense of “lady” borne of earlier euphemistic/sarcastic use. So, honorifics like queen, princess and lady are all potentially heavily loaded with negative connotations – and in the case of “madam” and “mistress” no longer really function as honorifics at all. There are now empty categories in a paradigm where lord/mister/master remain undisturbed, positive status markers.

    Just think it’s interesting that, not only does this usage function to berate women of lower class and enforce gender conformity, but it also functions to undermine the social power ostensibly granted to ladies/madams/mistresses in the first place.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. One of my wife’s family stories: when her father was a young child (this was in the 30s), he announced that there were two ladies and a woman at the door. The “woman” was smoking a cigarette.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I would have thought that in 1976 you would have been referred to as a laundryperson


  5. When I was an exchange student from Germany in Sheffield in the late 1980s I worked in a pub and my payslip told me I was a “barmaid” … the term seemed so quaint and British and totally unreconstructed 😉 …

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Elke makes a good point: 1976 was the year the Sex Discrimination Act came into force, and it did outlaw sex-specific job titles except in certain occupations. But the NHS obviously hadn’t quite caught up when I started working in the laundry. Language apart, they were still totally segregating the actual work, which was also in breach of the law: men operated the washing machines and women operated the presses–and the men earned £20 pw more than us, which was a fair amount in those days. (Also totally unjustified by any reasonable measure of the skill involved…but then ironing is a natural female attribute, amirite?) This experience of low-paid, gender-segregated work did a lot to make me a feminist at a fairly early age (17).

    Liked by 1 person

  7. If a man, of any age, refers to a woman or women as a ” lady or ladies”, I unthinkingly see him as sexist. I’m not alone in this. Words matter. When I worked as a security guard in a mining camp, even though I wore the same uniform and steel-toed boots as the male guards, my uniform said, “Guardette.” I hope that with diligence, and enough time for the irredeemable dinosaurs to die out, “lady” will be seen as the archaic term it is and we will all be seen for the women we are.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi there,

    I want to first make clear that I am in general on board! However, in the last section it seemed to me that you were invoking ‘straw transfeminism’ or whatever we might want to call it: I’m sure you can find an example of someone who does hold the extreme position that to use ‘woman’ at all is offensive, but the majority of people would not say this, partly because most feminists for whom this is an issue are in fact very invested in the category ‘woman’–there are, after all, trans women. Thus I really doubt that anyone would object to the example of the grandmother. It’s important to note what exactly ‘woman’ is picking out in any of the cases: is it this rich concept, that you seem to be working with, or is it in fact merely ‘person with ovaries/a certain kind of hormones/chromosomes (etc.)’? This will also help account for the difference between singular and plural usage (i.e. that so long as a person in fact *is* a woman then really no one will object to them being referred to as one) — when we start talking about ‘women’ as a category it needs to be made clear whether we are indeed talking about women or if we are talking about certain sorts of bodies (same goes, mutatis mutandis, for men). There is currently no non-awful term for this latter category (‘females’ makes you sound like a PUA or a biologist…) and yet it seems useful to have one: for example, when I compete as a runner, I compete as a ‘woman’ where all this means is that my what we might want to call, i.e. what i call, ‘hormonal handicap’ is acknowledged.

    I don’t know what terms people have thought up, but in the end, in most cases it is almost certainly easiest to just go with ‘people’, apart from as above where a distinction is being made (thus, ‘In Victorian times it was common for people to die in childbirth’, ‘People can spend up to £x on sanitary products in their lifetimes’)–I don’t know if you think something is lost there, or if it sounds strange, but to me it seems preferable, as women aren’t merely their bodies in contradistinction to male bodies, but something far more than that, and I would hope that this is something that all feminists could agree on.


  9. Thought provoking post and looking forward to more!

    (In 1976, I (biologically male) worked as a maid in a sorority at my university, because it was the highest paying position I qualified for at the time. My title was indeed “Maid” and I liked it; but in retrospect I know this was because of my privileged perspective, from which I could enjoy the irony.)

    Back to your post: as a linguist, could you comment on the choice of the verb “happen to” in this passage?


    This usage stopped me cold. I expect it was intentional, to make a point. But I see childbirth and sex as activities a woman performs, not that a female body has happen to it. The quoted construction feels to me disempowered and disempowering and leaves me sad that it, perhaps, reflects the honest perspective of some women. What have men done? Language indeed reveals.


  10. I thoroughly enjoyed this. I have to say, in recent times lady seems to be a far lesser evil than the dreadful misuse of ‘girl’. I hear women of all ages referred to and refer to themselves as ‘girls’. As a woman in my twenties, if I ever describe a person as being ‘woman’ to people of my age group they will generally assume I’m talking about someone much older. I find it disturbing that most of the feminist memorabilia, badges, patches discuss ‘girl power’ and meanwhile in the LGBT+ community most women identify as ‘girls who like girls’. I feel so entirely erased when I am described as a girl, as if all my growth was for nothing and to only be tucked into a corner for neatness. I hope people can learn to be proud of being women.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I agree that women need to claim the term “women” and discourage “ladies” for the reasons given above and for a while after the “second wave” this seemed to be happening. However I believe society is slipping back… is it due to the feminist backlash or perhaps younger women who mistakenly take the strides of the 70s for granted?

    Personally I am happier to accept “girls” in preference to “ladies”, again because I agree wholeheartedly with “debuk”. Younger women who disagree need to learn about the history of the term. Bottom line is that currently we hear “ladies” far more than “gentlemen”- that should be a concern for women. Men never have to think about this issue- they are always just “men”- why can’t it the same for us?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. The song “Only Women Bleed” (by a man named Alice Cooper) is about domestic abuse, not menstruation. It’s a common misconception.

    Meanwhile, I’ve spent a whole lot of time reading your posts without commenting because you’re so thorough and because you never give me anything to disagree with. Keep on posting.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I see comments on your current post are closed so I thought I’d sneak in here. Totally agree with the content on this post and the current one. I too was brought up with the nice ladies/undesirable (common/rough) women type of definition. I had it beaten out of me very quickly on my first newspaper. ‘There’s only one lady in this town and she’s Lady Whatever Her Name Was.’ I too have written about women, ladies and girls on one of my blogs and, needless to state had arguments, especially from Men Who Know Better Than Women. Including the classic, ‘my female friends like to be called ladies so that’s ok isn’t it?’ No. I doubt your friends are feminist or they wouldn’t be associating with you.

    Women, mostly if not all feminists, have spent a long time and a lot of effort getting rid of the male default: chairman, spokesman, policeman, fireman, postman, use of he (to include everyone of course) and we still aren’t there yet. But erasing women from periods, abortion, and pregnancy and referring to them as non-men (why not refer to people as non-women?) is a very bad step in the wrong direction. Women have periods, babies, abortions. Not men. Women. Not non-men. Biological women.

    And if you saw the recent CPS report, sexual crimes and assaults against women have increased. These aren’t gender based crimes. Thirteen women get raped every day. Not people, not men, but women, and we need to focus on that. Most women have been sexually assaulted in some way or another. Have most people or most men? No.

    There is a place for gender neutral language. But not when we are talking about women.


  14. Can we really try to find another term for the “First Lady” – partner of the President of the US? This is the 21st Century. The very existence of the term makes it seem like the partner will always be female, never a man. Michelle Obama was a strong woman. We have yet to see how Melania Trump makes her mark in the role. (Please don’t write her off as many have done so already just because she conforms to today’s western beauty ideal!)
    How about Presidential Partner? Other ideas welcomed.


  15. I think this raises another question: why should we expect or want the President’s spouse, who nobody elected, to do an unpaid job for the nation (there’s no salary, only an allowance)? This is rooted in the traditional assumption that a wife is her husband’s helpmeet–elect him and you also get her–and I think it has no place in a modern democracy. In the UK the prime minister’s spouse has no official position or duties, and many recent ones have had their own independent careers. First Ladies, whatever we call them, are a sexist anachronism.

    Liked by 4 people

  16. Wait…I can’t use lady? Lady is diminutive? When I round up the women in my office I always call out, “Ladies, we need to have a chat”. When I need to do the same with the men in my office, I say, “Gentlemen, we need to have a chat”. Did Lady all of a sudden go from a term of respect to being a pejorative?

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m not sure how carefully you read the post: the point is, it’s about context. The usage you describe is jocular, and you treat both sexes in parallel ways. That’s a bit different from substituting ‘lady’ for ‘woman’ where you wouldn’t substitute ‘gentleman’ for ‘man’. That said, it’s possible your female co-workers find your manner patronising. ‘Round up the women in my office’ — how do you think that comes across?

    Liked by 3 people

  18. It was a very good article, but you completely lost me at ‘nonb*nary’, i had to stop reading at that point, as there is no such thing. I do not apologise.


  19. A professor of English where I was a student kept calling women “gals.” When I asked about it he said he knew “girls” was now derogatory but he couldn’t make himself say “woman.”


  20. How best to address a group of women:

    “Hello, ladies.”
    “Hello, women.” ?

    “Hello, women” grates a bit. Any comments?


  21. what would be wrong with just ‘hello’? If you were greeting a group of men or a group including both sexes would you find it necessary to say ‘gentlemen/ladies and gentlemen’?


  22. I found this article because I work for a clothing line and some of our tops are called Ladies (“Ladies Running Shirt”) and some women’s (“Women’s Tank Top”) with no real describable reason why they were called one or the other. Most of the “men’s” shirts are labeled Unisex. I wanted to clean up our naming and my natural instinct was to change them all to Ladies. I grew up in the Southern United States (born 1974) and my father told me to ALWAYS refer to a female a Lady…he said to show respect. So I have to be honest I think I’m just as confused as when I started. But thank you for a great article.


  23. It seems as if people are told as children to use “lady” to show respect when referring to a woman, as Mark said. But often, men are just called “man” and not “gentleman” and children aren’t often as told that they should use an equally polite word for men. As Deborah commented to an earlier post, it is all about context.


  24. I was leaving my physical therapy appointment this morning and my PT said I should check with the ladies at the front desk to make another appointment. I told her I was not used to hearing women called “ladies” and she asked why. I told her I had not used ladies to refer to women since Gloria Steinem expanded my awareness. I told her it sounds pejorative and assigns particular characteristics to a woman that she might find untrue of herself. I told her to explore online what is said about using the two nomenclatures. Then I thought I would see what came up if I did that. I’m glad I found this site because I have more understanding, awareness and talking points now. My PT is from The Ukraine and said English is her third language. Well, at least she did not refer to them as “girls.” I like @debuk’s comments about the title First Lady.


  25. I appreciate this very much. I have a coworker who refers to women as “the ladies” and I find it rather demeaning. I have asked him to use the word women instead. He laughs and doesn’t understand why this is bothersome. I happen to know in his early twenties he was “popular with the ladies,” a story he will share from time to time. I can’t help but to hear the same sense of superiority he relays in his stories when he refers to my colleagues and me as “the ladies.”


  26. Appreciate this a lot. In the US I find most younger women (under 50) have no idea “lady” is problematic because it carries social expectations of acting in a ladylike manner. There’s also ageism coming into play. Young women are often uncomfortable calling themselves women but instead prefer the word “girl”. And service people (store counter people, etc) use the term “miss” instead of “ma’am” even for women far older than they are. I’m routinely called Miss by people half my age. If I ask to be called ma’am instead, they reflexively explain that “miss is a compliment”. I can’t imagine the same being true if the genders were reversed.


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