Five Other Ways To Say “No” In Your Parent Teenager Relationship

In your parent teen relationship, where your teen is so impressionable, the words “no” and “yes” are so influential in molding their perception of reality and life itself.

My guess is that the word “no” is more commonly used in the parent teenager relationship, compared to all other human relationships.

If a survey were to be done which canvassed whether a parent used the word “yes” or “no” the most in their parent teenager relationship, what would you expect the results to reveal? Given that a lack of self confidence is so prevalent amongst today’s teenagers, I would guess that “no” would be more commonly used. In fact, some teenagers may be so accustomed to hearing the word “no” in their parent teenager relationship that they stopped hoping and dreaming for anything larger than self.

I am not saying that it is wrong or bad to say a flat “no” to your teenager from time to time. Sometimes it is the wisest thing to say. However, if your use of the word “no” is so predictable, this presents a serious problem in terms of your teen’s capability to have hope and develop self confidence, especially when a crisis hits.

The following is a short list of alternatives to saying “no” in your parent teenager relationship, from the work of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

1. Give Information And Leave Out The “No”.

For instance, your teen asks if they can attend a concert the night before a crucial exam. Rather than say “no” you could provide some useful information such as “in the past you always performed better when you studied the night before”. To this, you might add: “You need at least 8 hours of solid sleep to be prepared for the exam”. Hearing this, your teenager may then decide; “I guess I really shouldn’t go”.

2. Acknowledge Feelings.

For example, you are picking up your teenager from a party at curfew time which happens to be twelve mid night. She says she wants to stay another hour. You might say, accepting her feelings:”I can see that if it were your decision entirely you would be staying back at least an hour and maybe a lot more.” Whilst you are saying this you are opening the door for your teenager to climb into the car.

3. Describe The Background Problem.

For example, your teenager comes to you requesting a lift, right away to the train station. As an alternative to simply saying a flat “no”, you could say; “Look, I am very happy to take you but I am expecting an important visitor any time now”.

4. When Possible Substitute a “Yes” For A “No”.

For instance, your teen is with you and the rest of the family at the dinner table and asks; “Do you mind if I call my friend?” You could reply by saying; “Yes. You can call her after dinner”.

5. Allow Yourself Time To Think.

For example, if your teenager asks you “can I sleep over at my friends place” and you know that your daughters friend will be drinking alcohol, you might say;”Let me think about it.”

This approach to saying a flat “no” does two things. One, it diffuses your daughter’s intensity. Two, it buys you time to process your feelings and thoughts.

Saying “no” to your teen is easy and quick. Sometimes it is the best response. However if you consider the emotional and psychological development of your teen, coming up with alternatives to constantly using the word “no”, will reap healthy dividends.

Is being a parent to your teenager frustrating and wearing you out? Are your parenting methods falling on deaf ears? Do you know in yourinnerself that there must be a better way? If this describes you, get a hold of parenting expert, Paul Saver’s seven FREE parenting videos. Each video is designed to transform your parent teenager relationship. Just click on the link.