Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope
Douglas Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, political activist, and podcast host.


They say if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish... then he has to get a fishing license. But he doesn't have any money, so he has to get a job and enter the social security system. And he has to file taxes, and you're gonna audit the poor son of a bitch because he's not really good at math. You pull the IRS van up to his house and take everything. You take his velvet Elvis and his toothbrush and it all goes up for auction with the burden of proof on him because he forgot to carry the 1. All because he wanted to eat a fish, and he couldn't even cook the fish because you need a permit for an open flame.

Tradition and heritage are all dead people's baggage, stop carrying it. Move forward.

Rooting for the Yankees is like going to a casino and rooting for the house.