Disadvantages of Staying Together for the Children

disadvantages to staying together for the kids

Has your relationship gone sour? Are your kids the only reason you haven’t left? There are many people who can answer yes to both questions. They are only in it for their kids’ well-being. Even if they know divorce or separation is the best way out, they still can’t break up because of worrying about their children. To be honest, kids are just victims of marital circumstances. They are not to blame for wrong things like infidelity, debt, and other conflicts parents have. They deserve to live in peace and happily. Choosing to stay for the sake of your children is compassionate, yes, but it is a horrible decision. A number of bad things are likely to arise because you chose to be a willing victim. They include the following:

1. You will send the wrong message to the kids

While your intention is to stay in a bad marriage to give your kids a complete family, they might not see it your way. If they see you getting battered and insulted every day, they might think that marriage is about separation. Marriage is about togetherness, of course, and kids cannot detect it when you fight every day. Instead they will see exactly how people can get married to each other and still live separate lives.

2. Staying doesn’t mean that you will solve your differences

If both of you are the cause of the marital issues that are leading to the divorce or separation, they won’t get better by staying. Rather than seek marriage counseling or other solutions, you might just stay like roommates for the kids. Instead of living like strangers, you may be best divorcing respectfully and playing your parental roles separately. As well, if one person is responsible for the breakup because of being an aggressive and violent person, or being a cheater, they might do it even better when the aggrieved party decides to stay. They may see them as easy to manipulate and keep doing it. This can affect the kids when they see that their mother or dad can accept mediocrity. Unfortunately, kids could grow up expecting the same from their future partners.

3. Staying means you are frightened and resistant to change

A broken marriage is hard to mend. If staying means living a mediocre, miserable life that could trigger depression and other health issues, why would you choose it?  If you divorce him, for instance, you might be forced to change in certain ways. For instance, you must get a job to support yourself and the kids and might have to put up with living in a less comfortable home. As well, you might have to lose the custody of your children to the other spouse and spend less time with them than now. While this sounds difficult, it is not the worst thing in life. If your life will be meager but happy, then choose it.

4. Children will be sad because you are

Kids can read your moods like a good book. You can gather the truth from your past as a child. You knew when your parents were in bad terms. So, by staying rather than divorcing, you are creating a situation where your kids will be unhappy because you are. Even if you wait for them to mature, those will be too many years of living a sorry kind of life.

So, ensure that you make the right decision when you can no longer stay with him or her and you have kids.