125 Different Ways for Us Potterheads, To Annoy All you Muggle Non-Believers.

How to annoy you people who are not fans of Harry Potter!

Chapter 1

Lets begin shall we.........(evil laugh)



3. Quote Dobby.

4. Recite every Harry Potter spell you know in public.

5. Read out loud to them whenever they can't get away from you (Ex: When in a car or an elevator). If you don't have a book with you, recite from memory.

6. Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their birthday and Christmas and demand they keep it and treasure it forever.



9. Start singing a Sorting Hat song at random moments, pretend to forget what comes next, and ask if they know what comes next.

10. Make them play Quidditch with you.



13. Always speak with a British accentâ€”especially if you aren't from the U.K.

14. Refer to real places by Harry Potter names.


16. Draw round glasses and a lightning bolt scars on every poster and picture you come acrossâ€¦ in permanent marker.


18. Give every room in your house a Harry Potter codename. (Ex: The living room becomes the Entrance Hall.) And whenever someone asks you where something is, use these names.

19. Change them immediately if they figure what the names refer to.

20. Constantly ask if they can see the thestrals too.

21. â€¦refuse to explain what a thestral is.

22. Say, "Anything off the trolley, dear?" in a totally fake British accent when offering anyone food.

23. Pretend you can do magic.


25. Yell, "Get away from me death eater!" whenever they get near you.

26. Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg.

27. â€¦laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is.

28. Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.



31. Tell a very long joke using a Harry Potter joke as the punchline and then laugh hysterically.

32. â€¦make sure the joke isn't funny.

33. Use the titles "You-Know-You" and "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" to refer to random people.

34. â€¦make sure no one knows who you're talking about.

35. Write letters to people (friends, neighborsâ€¦politicians) and ask them to join S.P.E.W.

36. â€¦hand fliers advertising it to random passerby.

37. Report Dumbledore's death to your local authorities


39. Pop up in places you're not supposed to be and insist that you were only trying to Apparate.

40. If you're late for something, blame it on your broken time turner.

41. Deck yourself out in all Harry Potter gear when you know you'll be going to a public place.

42. Walk past a wall over and over again, stopping randomly to bang on it. When you receive weird stares, shout, "What? I'm looking for the Room of Requirement!"


44. If anyone tells you you'll go to hell for reading Harry Potter, either: a) jump up and down and tell them you can't wait; b) tell them you'll meet them there; c) sing "Weasley Is Our King" over and over again; or d) ask them to back this claim with evidence, and laugh at them when they can't.

45. Play the soundtracks while they're stuck in your car.

46. â€¦add commentary. (Oh, this is where theyâ€¦)


48. â€¦every five minutes.

49. If they ask you for your phone number, tell the it's 6-2-4-4-2.

50. Say, "Alohamora!" every time you open a door.



53. Count downs to some obscure Harry Potter event, whether it's Dumbledore's birthday, or when a Harry Potter DVD comes out. Keep saying: "87 (86, 85, etc.) more days!" in the middle of every conversation you have with your friend. Smile in a superior way (preferably something close to Draco Malfoy) when they ask what you're counting down to.


55. Refuse to be comforted.

56. Ask them to help you study for your O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s.


58. Talk to animals and insist that they're Animagi.



61. Point at modern electronic devices an loudly say, "Look at that! The things these Muggles come up withâ€¦"

62. Write letters to the editor of your local newspaper about the evils of our society. (Namely, Death Eaters and discrimination against friendly werewolves).

63. Send them numerous letters informing them that they have been accepted to attend Hogwarts.



every conversation and/or letter with "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"

67. â€¦refuse to provide an explanation.

68. Tap all brick walls you encounter with an umbrella.

69. Say "Lumos" every time you turn on a light.

70. Point and grunt and insist that you are speaking Troll.

71. Refuse to wash our hair and explain that you're going for the Snape look.




75. Shriek loudly and insist you're speaking Mermish.


77. â€¦when this doesn't work, throw a fit.


79. Talk like Hagrid.

80. Point to garden gnomes and say, "These silly Muggles don't have a clue about what gnomes look like.


82. Yell "Avada Kedavra" anytime they give the anti-HP lecture, then fake excruciating pain as you soul rips in two.


84. When confronted about the message, refuse to take responsibility and/or explain further.

85. Hum Hedwig's Theme constantly, and be sure to include any crescendos, decrescendos, accents, etc.

86. Petition to have Hedwig's Theme to become the new National Anthem.


88. â€¦when asked for an explanation of this cryptic title, cry hysterically.



91. Use black and green markers to draw the Dark Mark on your left forearm.


93. Potter Puppet Pals, anyone?

94. Knit them a maroon jumper every yearâ€”especially if maroon isn't their color.


96. If someone turns off the lights, make a loud cracking noise and pretend to Apparate to the other side of the room.


98. Toss a small handful of fire and yell out, "Diagon Alley!"

99. If you go to a train station with them, loudly ask random people if they know where you can find Platform 9 Â¾. Do this in an extremely fake British accent.

100. When your friend is checking sports scores, ask if they can find out the score of the latest Quidditch match.


102. At your next sleepover, draw a lightning-bolt scar on your forehead, and just as our friend is drifting off to sleep, grab your forehead and scream that you dreamed Voldemort killed your parents.


104. Hang them upside down by their ankle with rope when you yell "Levicopus!" in their room.

105. Throw things in the air and say that you've mastered Wingardium Leviosa.

106. Don't tell them what it means.

107. Make copies of this and give it to themâ€¦

108. Lots of copiesâ€¦

109. Get sticks and claim them as wands.

110. Use them to poke your friends and say incantations while doing so.

111. Make them wish you NEVER heard of Harry Potter.

112. Claim all your friends stuff as your Horcruxes and yell at them when they touch whatever it is.

113. Don't tell them what a Horcrux is.

114. Force them to mourn for Dumbledore's death.

115. Post posters randomly with pictures of the Death Eaters and label them as WANTED.

116. Tell them you're a wizard/witch very, very often.

117. Remark on how strangely Muggles dress.

118. Don't tell them what "muggle" means.

119. Keep telling them to read Harry Potter books over and over again.

120. If they refuse, read it to them in a very loud voice, and use a fake accent according to each of the characters, and change your voice to the proper tone.

121. Make sure it's a bad accent.

122. Say you have no phone but you have an owl.

123. Squirt them with water and say that you've mastered the Aguamenti Charm.

124. Complain on why your dog doesn't have three heads.

125. Attack them and claim to be under the influence of the Dark Lord.


© 2020 Polarity Technologies

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username


Report This Content