How to understand someone –

In someone else’s shoes.

That’s the whole idea of this post.

I was known to be insensitive since I was young. I am distracted with things that matter. I am lost when discussions get boring, the closest people to me will know this very well. Sometimes I spend hours working / reading and forget to have my lunch / dinner. I fell asleep in lectures too, good times. 🙂

My mom used to tell me to be more sensitive, to understand what people feel. This post is dedicated to all the people who are having the same problem as me.

How to be in someone else’s shoes


The first step is to listen, to observe what is happening around us. This can only happen if we do not talk, do not read, just listen and observe. We will be able to learn from the words someone use, the facial expressions, the body languages. There is never nothing going on, every single action has a purpose, or represent a meaning.

The second step is to personalize, to know the background of a person. We may not know everything about someone, but we can usually know what they are currently doing, what they have gone through, what they believe in at the moment.

The third step is to recognize patterns. What I mean by patterns are the things they repeat every time we engage with them. Those are the clues of additional information about someone that we can pick up and study.

The fourth step is to imagine. This can only be done when we understand enough about someone. We imagine that we are that exact person, facing the same exact difficulties. We need to feel as if we are living in his/her body, life, circumstances. That’s the only way to eventually understand him/her.

Next, make a decision based on the 4 steps we have done. It sounds like a long process, but when we make this as a habit, this 4 steps will happen faster than we realize.

We just need to ask this question every time:

  1. What is he/she telling?
  2. Who is he/she?
  3. Why is he/she doing certain things?
  4. What if I am him/her?

That’s it. I hope this post is useful in the best way possible.

Happy understanding. 🙂

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