Backward Steps

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Aug 17, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know that overall Travis has far exceeded all expectations. In general he has done very well considering his dxes and disabilities.

    But for a while now I've felt that the boy is stuck. There is not much opportunity around here for him work wise, social wise, or housing wise. The pitfalls of small town rural living. I believe it's holding him back on independent living and severely in his socialization.

    Here lately I've seen steps backward. Darn it to heck.:mad: Not that it's something we haven't seen before, but I still hate it when it happens.

    Seems we're getting back into 12 yr old behavior. (guess I should be glad it's not 6 yr old behavior lol) He's taken to aggravating the devil out of Nichole. Who of course doesn't always react tactfully, which turns it uglier. *sigh*

    This wouldn't be so bad, except when Nichole tells him she doesn't want Aubrey doing something Travis will ignore her and do it anyway. Which of course makes Nichole livid. Then I have to step in. The whole concept that Nichole is the child's mother, and what she says goes doesn't seem to click. And it's not just Aubrey. This has been an issue with Darrin too, but since he doesn't live here not as bad.

    Now I know he's just wanting to have fun with the grandkids. And honestly, so do Nichole and easy child, but trying to wrestle with a child before bed or slipping them a sugary snack before a meal........Well, you know. And since many social cues slip past him, when Aubrey's cranky or whatever and doesn't want to play and Travis doesn't recognize it, it starts a whole new set of problems.:faint:

    And now we've got an attitude going on. Okay, so we've had it for awhile now. lol But it's beginning to grate. My patience is wearing mighty thin.

    We were having the yard sale this weekend. I told Travis he'd help us carry stuff out to set up. (the whole family was doing this) We couldn't get him up. FINALLY got him up but he refused to do anything. Instead he sat around making snide remarks all morning.

    easy child bought lunch and he expected her to buy his too. She did to be nice but wasn't happy about it since he didn't bother to help and told him so. He didn't help with the sale at all. She didn't include him in supper. I stayed out of it. He had money and could either make a sandwich in the house or eat at work. Plus I was too exhausted to care one way or the other.

    Sunday was a repeat. easy child asked him to get her and I a glass of ice and a pepsi. He did. Turned out he'd put loogies in both pepsi. I though easy child was gonna kill him. I had to bite my tongue. I knew I was in no condition to react or it would get ugly. Aubrey had drank from my cup before I spotted it in mine. Then he had the guts to deny it! ugh!

    So I refused to drive him to work. husband did it. I refused to drive him this morning. Again husband did it.

    I do not need difficult child juvenille behavior starting up again.:mad:

    For a while now My Mom and I've been discussing Travis coming to stay with her. Mom has always favored him. And she wants to learn to use her new laptop. I think it would be wonderful for him in many ways.

    1. public busing will take him all over the city 24/7, and month bus passes are pretty cheap.

    2. City is full of retail where he could work, plus more likely could find computer work.

    3. Mom is excellent at forcing a noncompliant child to grow up. :D (seriously) and teaching them how to do it.

    4. There are 2 colleges and a tech school right there in the city he could go to if he wanted.

    5. Since he'd have bus transport, he could go anywhere he wanted when he wanted. He could have a social life.

    But I think he's stagnating here. I mean, he could just visit and see if it would be something he would want to consider. I dunno. Mom needs/wants someone to live with her. Travis needs/wants to get out from under Mom and Dad but isn't quite to independent stage yet. The 2 of them get along great.

    I know I'd worry with him being so far away. But I'm trying to think of what would be best for him. He needs to go forward, not back.

    And yeah, I know my Mom is mentally ill. But age has mellowed her considerably. And Travis would call me if anything went wonky. My brother and an aunt lives just around the corner, and another aunt lives maybe 2 blocks away.

    I dunno. I guess I'm just venting/thinking out loud.:(
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like you've gven a lot of thought to Travis moving in with grandma and certainly come up with some very good reasons for him to do so. So, I guess the question is, what's stopping it from happening?

    The worst that will happen is it won't work out. At least everyone will get some peace for a period of time and it may just be the perfect solution for the interim stage of growing up.

    (by the way -- I think I would have been throwing the glass of Pepsi in his face when I spotted THAT in it. How truly disgustng.)
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    MB I had to count to 200 to keep from throwing my pepsi into his face. I was that mad.

    Mom and I did some discussing on the issue tonight. One of her valid worries is her age (71), and that my hometown has become a rather violent place to live. Which I wouldn't know because I haven't stepped foot in it in a good 10 yrs. And she wants to make sure that he would really have more opportunity there than he does here.

    Doesn't want him jumping from the pan straight into the fire. Nor do I.

    We're just trying to come up with some solution to force the next step into adulthood. Gently forced is preferred, which is why I thought of her. But silly me keeps forgetting that as I age, so does she. (weird huh?) So she's going to do some checking.

    And we have to see if after all the ruckus over getting hours, he can get time off without losing his job to go back and visit. Heck, just a visit might do him a world of good. Give him a break from the family and such. Cuz I'm sure living at home isn't all that great for him either, truth be told.

    Only help I can find him for independent living around here is in the larger cities, which is no help because he would be so far away from us. We do have one in town, but to be honest I wouldn't let my worst enemy live there. So that's out.

    And he needs stable hours and pay to be able to even get low income apartment and go that route. sigh And while store manager is giving him hours, she's still working hard to get him to quit. If it weren't for me telling him he'd darn well better not, he'd have already done it.

    I dunno. Somehow we have to come up with something. Maybe Mom and I putting our heads together will be enough to find a solution.
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Loogie. In. The. Pepsi.:faint:

    How you didn't clock that boy is beyond me. He'd been wearing it, if it were me.

    I think going to your Moms is definitely something to seriously consider.
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I would in my humble opinion let him at least go for a visit. Give everyone a break. It might be good for all involved.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Loogie. How on EARTH did you keep from beating the boy to the point where it didn't matter if he moved??? You are to be commended bigtime!!! make sure he doesn't profit from anything you buy iwth garage sale $$$. and spit in a few of HIS drinks for a while.

    Can he transfer to another kroger, one near your mom? that would give him a job until he could find something in computers or another area he likes. It is certainly worth looking into. and if he is going to do it, it should be soon if his boss is trying to make him quit.

    Sorry it seems he is going backwards right now.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Good idea about seeing if he could transfer jobs to another one near your Mom.

    If the move can't happen for one reason or another, I agree that a visit is a good idea to give everyone a break.

  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I think he needs a change in his life. Maybe he feels like a 12 year old, he's not happy with the way things are going for him so he's taking it out by being rebellious. He might do very well at your mom's. There would be someone there to keep an eye on him, and I'm sure he can help your mom as well. Getting a different job might do wonders for his self-esteem. Anyway, he can always come back.
  9. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Grandmas house sounds like a great idea.... As for public busing. Here in Ca we have what is called ADA Transportation for disabled adults and elderly. My son just recently qualified for it but the only problem with it is a conflict with the scheduling and the principle at my sons school not being willing to bend at all with a maybe 10 minute window of time. I was going to utilize this service that would have cut my gas useage by half ($200.00 per Mo). Yikes!!! You might want to look into any programs that might be available to Travis in your Moms area, He will be able to save allot of money by getting his transportation at a discounted rate or could be even free for that matter as well as the possibility that they will come to the residence to pick him up and also take him back. ADA does that and they were even equipped with a wheelchair lift. It would definitely open up a new world for Travis although you will be worried.