Where’s My Cave? (Follow up to my When Mister Shankar…. post)

Woman Cave. Wo-man cave.

It still sounds strange for me to say it because I am so unused to hearing it. What I have often heard, however, is man cave. Why is it?

I spoke with a guy about this. He said a man’s cave doesn’t have to be a location like a den, it can be time spent in a man cave mentality. He could be paying the bills, or driving around running errands. Now, one example that wasn’t given by Guy, was “I could be in my man cave while playing blocks with my babies, or trying to put them to sleep”. Maybe it wasn’t said because it wasn’t thought about. Or maybe it wasn’t said because that would not be a man cave place to be in! Another thing Guy mentioned is that when he goes into his man cave room, his wife usually tries to keep all household talk out of that room, and mostly tries not to disturb him. He didn’t ask her. She just got it.

As a person I want a cave too. I want to be in my own space with everyone understanding that this is a ‘Do Not Disturb‘ zone, and that when I am in it, I am to be left alone unless there is a fire or some such emergency. Well, I would make some other exceptions, like… If my children were sleeping and my man was awake, he might could come in the Do Not Disturb zone. 😀 These are precious times that aren’t to be wasted. 😀

A sound proof room in the house would be an awesome cave for me so I could siiiiing my heart out. A space with whatever I want to have in it, but mostly just….space; with a comfortable chair/couch, books, good lighting, candles, candles, candles, …..candles, speakers, and maybe a mirror to try outrageous make up combinations. Oh, and a mat & a medicine ball.

Guy may be able to have a man cave in his mind, but I seem to be unable to do so in the house. If I put the baby to sleep, and my toddler just doesn’t want to follow suit, she and I will go downstairs and she will say “Mommy” the moment I close my eyes to take a catnap, or when I start writing (yes, like she is doing right now). There is always a question. Additionally, I want to help! I want to offer an answer if I hear someone asking where something is. They can find it themselves, but they could do it so much faster if they knew where that something is. This also means that I end up being involved with everything, and am not in any mental She Cave.

So my only solutions are:

1) Wait until everyone is sleeping and put on a movie, or read… and fall asleep.

2) Leave the house to be in my cave. This ends up being my car (in which I fall asleep as I am looking at social media or reading a book), or it most often means I will be jogging or walking somewhere. I love the solitude in a walk or jog and it gives me the time I want and need, away from being present for everyone else.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my family. Sincerely so. But each one of us has to take care of our self so we can keep contributing it to the whole. We can’t be the whole. We can only be a part of it, so we have to take care of each individual part.

I would love to have a physical She Cave space in my home so I can relax sometimes instead of running and walking somewhere every time I want ‘Me’ time. However, we have to work with what we have, and keep working toward changing it if we would like something better. At least I am able to walk and run 😉

All in all the conversation I had with Guy was one in which we noticed how apparent it is that society accepts that a man should have his space within which he can relax, but a woman’s need for this same space is not spoken about. A woman is supposed to take time for herself by going to get a manicure or pedicure, by getting her hair done, or going out on a girls’ night. What if we don’t want to spend money to have ‘me’ time. What if we just want to be in the comfort of our home, be naked, and watch a documentary while eating a seaweed snack? Does it sound like a strange combination? Yes, okay, it may. The point is, we can be freer to do whatever we want within the comfort of our own home, than we can be outside of it.

Why does society not speak of a Woman Cave as much as a Man Cave? Let’s change this. Let’s start building homes with such space for women and men, and while we are at it, can we please build some bigger (deeper and longer) bathtubs, America? 🙂

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