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If I could be a professor…I'd draw Binky off the back of a matchbook and get tenure at the University of Colorado.

Or, you could borrow someone else's drawing.


I have traffic.


"I have traffic.---Posted by: howie | May 5, 2005 11:24 AM


Friend of USA

If I could be a linguist…I’d have less trouble getting CKCat's dialect! ( Keep your claws in!claws in!..Good girl... )

If I could be a writer…I wouldn't be jalous of Larry, Che and a few other witty writers...

If I could be a farmer…my muscles would be firmer than they are sitting at a computer. ( Lame... I know , but it rhymes ! )

If I could be a painter…I’d let my cat do the painting, sign my name at the bottom and sell for an indecent amount of money to the richest sucker.

If I could be a musician…I am a musician! and a dam good musician !

If I could be a doctor…I’d have access to all the sleeping pills and migraine medication I want.

If I could be a gardener…I would not be a gardener, that’s gay!

If I could be a librarian…I’d have time to read all the classics and of course check out the hot girls with glasses.

If I could be an athlete…I’d be a football player that can benchpress 450 pounds and I’d marry a girl-scientist Nobel prize winner cheerleader with real boobs.( key word here ; IF...and anyway my girlfriend does not understand english, it's a crimeless victim err..I know what I mean! )

If I could be a missionary…yeah, that position is OK I guess…

If I could be an innkeeper…I’d count the towels after a Blame-Bush-villager stay.

If I could be a chef… Cricket’s culinary creations would be served at my restaurant and Janny would eat for free and so would Larry.( and she behaves, maybe CKC?...)

If I could be a llama-rider…Hippies ride lamas, I’d rather ride a motorcycle.

If I could be a psychologist…I’d cure moonbats of their paranoid - schizophrenia and introduce them to the concept of tolerance.

If I could be a lawyer…I would sue people who cut me off on the road for criminal negligence or maybe attempted murder...

If I could be a professor…I’d teach what really happened and WHY it happened, and not the freakin' exact-to-the-minute dates of each freakin' event.

If I could be a bonnie pirate…what’s a bonnie???

If I could be an astronaut…I’d find a black hole and travel trough time.

If I could be an architect…I would build vagina shaped buildings to shut up feminists.

Friend of USA


If I could be a scientist...I'd be a MAD scientist! Bwahahahahahah!


Friend of USA: "If I could be a lawyer…I would sue people who cut me off on the road for criminal negligence or maybe attempted murder..."

Do they do that in Canada, too?

Okay, here goes:

If I could be a nurse, I wouldn't be, because I was one for ten years, and I couldn't be, sucked!

If I could be a chef, I'd take my lessons from Cricket, and open my own restaurant for my BB friends!

If I could be a blogger, I'd be just like Larry! :)

If I could be a kitty-cat, I'd never extend my claws...well, maybe that middle one, once in a while.

If I could be a policeman, I would arrest stupid people and make them wear signs--like Bill Engvall says: "Here's your sign!"

If I could be a Planned Parenthood worker, I wouldn't waste funds on defending a woman's, "right to choose," and instead give them BIRTH CONTROL to use!


Turd in a punchbowl

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe

She had so many children, she could stretch her cunt over a stump

Turd in a punchbowl


Hmmm, I'm getting some very strange visions after reading about vagina shaped buildings. I guess I'd better add:

If I could be a lawyer, I'd sue that guy in Canada.


If I were a tailor

I would sew my ass shut

So I could complete the cakewalk at the fall festival

Without getting rump-ridden by the parish priest.


Honored... yes, honored I am to be selected by Liberal Larry to participate in this celebration of progressive thought. Being included with such impressive liberal luminaries as Rosie and Dean04Prez would make me quite proud, if progressives could feel that emotion, and in no way makes me wonder what I did to piss Liberal Larry off. I'm glad Larry saw through Bush's evil plan to continue sullying my name by always changing my name-link URL to some warmongering submarine blog where the author has already completed this task, and invited me to participate. Here are my responses:

If I could be a missionary, I'd work to convince my fellow missionaries that proselytizing is nothing more than a form of spiritual rape.

If I could be a chef, I'd be a Chinese chef so I could live the song from "Saturday Night Fever" -- "Well, you can tell by the way I use my wok, I'm a Chinese chef, no time to squawk".

If I could be a gardener, I'd use only natural fertilizer that I produced myself. I'd also demand the same crop subsidies from the government that farmers get.

If I could be a doctor, I publish an exposé of how Bush was responsible for all the AIDS drugs experiments on foster children during the Clinton administration.

If I could be a linguist, I'd explain to the residents of Felch, Michigan why the name of their town is really embarrassing.

Liberal Larry

I guess I should have scrolled down a bit before passing the cooties to the author of that right-wing warmonger's blog.

And Frank Felcher is my best friend, bub!


No problem, Larry. Please note that I didn't say felching was wrong... just kinda embarrassing. Anyway, I forgot to add one:

If I could be a person with access to an E-mail account or a blog, I might thank this person for so accurately summarizing the progressive position on the war in Iraq.


Thanks fellas, for the definition for, 'felch,' which I'm afraid I would have gone through the rest of my life without knowing, if not for your, "help." YECCCH!

I always thought Hell (Michigan)
was a pretty stupid name for a town. I have never actually been to Hell, but I have driven through it....We didn't stop, for some strange reason!

Che Guevarito

JannyMae, didn't you go to public school? Joslyn Elders taught us in health class that that was a perfectly acceptable form of impromptu birth control.


"If I could be an innkeeper...I'd make the evangelical religious nuts sleep in the garage."

Larry, shouldn't it be, "If I could be an innkeeper I would replace the Gideon's Bible, with the true Byble...Michael Moore's new book, "I may be a fat rich capitalist, but you lemmings still worship me."


Jeremy, I betcha that, 'book,' shows up on Larry's reading list!

Friend of USA

I especially like that one;
" I would arrest stupid people and make them wear signs "
A good part of those stupid people are already wearing an equivalent ;
a "Bush is Hitler" t-shirt !


Bluestateredneck said ;
" She had so many children, she could stretch her cunt over a stump "

That one Bluestaeredneck, is so ridiculous that it's funny!
It's the kind of joke an 8 year old boy would make, but there is still an 8 year old boy in my 45 year old body!
You are one silly - cosmic dude!
Thanks for the laugh...Oh my God...

Interesting links , especially the South park republican one.
And about the guy who roots for the
" insurgents " in Irak;



Maybe we should start some sort of "guess what Larry Chomstein is reading this week." Better yet, Larry could start a book corner with an extensive library of liberal and goddess-like utterances from divine liberal intellectuals.


My dear Abu FOUSA,
You mean you have yet to decide if I get a saucer of the finest catnip sprinkled milk available at your restaurant?? *sniff*

And, upon learning about you ALSO being a musician, I was going to invite you to join my band!
We even do a song written (specifically for you) by Che Guevarito, who makes a special guest appearance on the guitar!

I think I've earned far more than that saucer of milk. It's hardly presumptuous of me to expect some mercury free grilled wild Salmon with rice pilaf and steamed asparagus. Hold the milk and bring on the expensive wine, too. I'll have Tiramisu or Bananas Foster for dessert, thank you very much.


Liberal Larry, can I have a meme?

Pile On®

That Oliver Willis chick sure has some big hoots.

exacerbated feminist


Hilarious ! Cute beatnicks - kitties !
That " remake " of a Beyonce song is quite interesting !
And that little dog plays a mean guitar solo !


Just one problem though...

Now " GAY BAR - GAY BAR - GAY BAR " is stuck in my head...


Dear Ms.Exac-Fem,
(I hope you don't mind the abbrev.)

That guitar virtuoso is our own Che Guevarito!
I'm glad you enjoyed *my bands* videos.
YUP..."Gay Bar" (the song Che G wrote expressly for Abu FOUSA) does stick in the brain, much like da' booger dat don't shake off da' fingah'.

Friend of USA

It's 7:24...

Do you know where your shoes are ?...

Friend of USA


Those two videos are music-award material!


I would have prefered ;

men with a different sexual orientation than mine - bar
men with a different sexual orientation than mine - bar
men with a different sexual orientation than mine - bar

But it might have not work as well as;

gay bar - gay bar - gay bar

( And if you stare long enough into the eyes of the flying Steve Veigh puppy, you can briefly feel the buzz of the bong without actually using the bong! I don't recommend doing it while driving on the highway though...)

CKCat, just for those few minutes of good clean fun, You have now unlimited access to all the food you want at my restaurant!

PS; we have very similar tastes in main courses but we disagree totally on desserts...I'll ask my therapist what she thinks that means...

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