The Non-Definitive Guide To Life

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Posts for Humane Threats


HEALTH & WELLNESS - February 17, 2018


We’ve all been pissed before. We’ve all wished something bad on someone else. But in the age of the internet things escalate quickly, and it seems that people forget another human in on the other end of the venomous toxic message that is being sent out over the interweb. There is definitely a dehumanization occurring in society, a disintegration of civility, and maybe it’s because we interact with a screen more than actual people – but let’s bring back the humanity in our threats! You can be spiteful without forgetting that someone with a family, friends, and loved ones is on the receiving end of your vitriol. There are pretty vile people in this world, and the person you disagree with online is likely not the worst of them…

So, here are 25 things to say when really pissed off and disagree with someone besides…

“I hope you die.”

“You deserve to get raped.”


“Go kill yourself.”

  1. I hope you sweat through your clothes before an important interview
  2. I hope you get a mildly infected ingrown pubic hair
  3. I hope you get a bad haircut
  4. I hope you step in poison oak and have a non-deadly bad reaction
  5. I hope you run out of gas on the way to work
  6. I hope you accidentally delete 2 hours’ worth of work and have to start over
  7. I hope better people than you get tickets to that thing you want
  8. I hope you don’t fit into that outfit you love until you become a better person
  9. I hope when you arrive late for your dinner reservations, they can’t make space for you.
  10. You deserve to stub your toe and hit your funny bone on the same day
  11. You deserve for something you stood in line for to be sold out right before your turn
  12. You deserve to accidentally run your car into a parking pole
  13. You deserve pink eye on your wedding day
  14. You deserve to be passed up for a job promotion because you’re not awesome.
  15. You deserve food poisoning on your birthday
  16. You deserve to sit on a long flight next to someone with bad body odor
  17. You deserve to have food in your teeth all day, especially during something important
  18. You deserve to catch every red light, every time you drive, FOREVER
  19. You deserve to have your computer reboot and update before a deadline
  20. I hope you get a nose pimple
  21. I hope you get locked out of your car without AAA
  22. I hope you have to walk a long distance in the cold without a jacket
  23. I hope your air-conditioner breaks during the summer
  24. I hope you drop your ice cream cone
  25. I hope you have a MEDIOCRE day
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