Monday, February 11, 2019

Stop, Worrying About What Others Think About You! LET IT GO

By Cindy Pitts Gilbert published, February 11, 2019

Dear Sister Knowitall,

You know that quote,  “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  What does that really mean.   I worry all the time what other people think of me?  I wish I could just be sure that other people aren’t talking about me behind my back.  Sincerely, Gossiped Girl

Dear Gossiped Girl,

Such a great quote isn’t it?   “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  So here is what it means to me.  We all want people to like us and when they don’t for whatever reason, we get our feelings hurt.  Why is it that we want to know something that will definitely hurt our feelings.   It is human nature to be liked. We all want to be liked.  The bottom line is that personalities clash for one reason or another and no matter how hard we try sometimes we don’t like people and sometimes they don’t like us.  So, why is it so important to find out WHY they don’t like us.  If you look at it honestly, when you aren’t fond of a personality you avoid them and do everything you can to not come right out and say look, I don’t like you and don’t want to be around you.   We all want to avoid out right hurting someone’s feelings even when we really don’t like them. 

I am not talking about those who we know we hurt or have hurt us.  There are certain people who have hurt you or whom you have hurt, for those folks you get it why the relationship may be  damaged beyond repair.  You or they  have crossed a line of some kind and the relationship is damaged or in some cases broken beyond repair.  It may be that you have been betrayed or done something to betray another. Sometimes it is a misunderstanding, sometimes on both parts or just one party misunderstands. 

Yet, the fact still remains that we all want to be liked and when you aren’t you think you want to know why.  The truth of the matter is that you don’t really want to know.  Your ego does.  Your ego is the part of your personality that wants everyone to like us. It is the child inside that wants what it wants. It is our heart that doesn’t want to know and our brain that over analyzes the situation trying to make both the ego and the heart happy.   Honestly, our hearts truly don’t want to know and it is really not healthy for us to know.  Often times, people are just not suited for each other, it is a rejection that we really just don’t need to know about.  So, when you think you want to know why someone doesn't like you just change your mindset and say, "What other people think of me is none of my business."  Tell your ego to let it go.  Tell your brain to inform your ego not to try to find out and to give your heart a break, keep it sound and completely oblivious to other people’s opinions of you.  You will be able to access so much more success for yourself if you stop worrying all the time what everyone thinks. 

You have to know what is in your own heart at the end of the day.  It is you that has to live with yourself and your choices.  If you are truly trying to be a better person everyday then let go of other people’s opinions.  If you are completely oblivious to what you are doing to alienate people and you find yourself in a lonely place with no one to talk to,  then perhaps it is time to do  some major self reflection and maybe do some super detective work to find out what you are doing that rubs the majority the wrong way.  If you have a great support group of friends and they love you just as you are, then truly learn to let go of the need to be loved by the masses.   It really is okay if you don’t click with some folks and they don’t click with you.   Beating yourself up about it is not going to make them love you, neither is trying to convince them how wonderful you truly are.  They are the ones missing out on all your greatness.   

There is another side of the coin too. What happens when your heart and not your ego are the reason you think you have to know.   In that case reach out.  Ask what you might have done to offend or hurt someone. Go directly to the party you think is feeling wronged by you.  If you get no resolution. You know that when all is said… or not said and done that you have tried to rectify the situation and the other person is not willing or ready to open up.  In that case, again let it go and move on.  It really isn’t any of your business if you unintentionally hurt someone and they can’t come to you to give you a chance to rectify the situation.  You have to again self reflect and if you are truly unaware of what it was and they don’t want to share.  You have to let it go or it will eat away at you.  Forgive yourself if they can't forgive you or be forgiven.  You have a right to be happy and are not responsible for anyone else’s reaction to what you did if it was unintentional especially if you aren't even aware.  I’m not saying be oblivious to your own actions and how they affect others.  That is the last thing I am saying. I am just reminding you that you can only control your actions and your reactions not others.  Dwelling on a situation you cannot change is insanity.  Attempting to make amends can only go so far, if the other party is unwilling to acknowledge you or your attempt to fix the situation.  Everyone is doing the best they can with the circumstances they have been given.  It may not meet your standards but it is a fact nonetheless.  Forgive yourself and do what you can to always be kind.

Sister Knowitall 😤