Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Analyzing With Your Spouse

"But a pet never disagrees with me!" 

Analyzing Your Own Language 













Some applicants have actually complained about this.  





This spoke to me. 

It made sense. 



Then I thought about my words.  

Look at what I wrote above.  


What do you see?



Does this help?








Location was sensitive to me.  

Here is another example. 


I emailed back:


He called me on the phone to apologize. 

Apologize for what?


I said, "You were not rude."


It was unnecessary to write "the check was cashed."  

That which is unnecessary is very important

Why was it important to me?

I knew instantly and relayed it to him. 



I apologized. 






Anonymous said...

The doggie!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I refuse to speak to my spouse anymore about SA. I was trying to explain to him how it works, and decided to use an example. I asked him, "What is the first thing you would say if you were being charged for the murder or disappearance of our daughter?"

His response? "uh... I don't know what I'd say. I'd probably just be sad and shocked about her being dead or missing."

Needless to say I was confused. "I didn't hurt my daughter" or "I didn't kill my daughter!" etc. is what I was expecting him to say (also what I'm assuming most people would say).

Tania Cadogan said...

I don't have a spouse or even an other.
I do have a few very trusted friends who know me well and when i feel the need to ask if i am doing something the right way, if i am doing a good job, if i have explained something clearly, they will tell me yes or no and show me where i could improve.

My trusted friends are my confidants and i know i can use them as sounding boards and advisers and in return they know they can ask me anything and if i know the answer or a solution they will get it.

Tania Cadogan said...

Pets may not disagree with you, they do however have that look that tells you they are doubting your mental acuity when you do something really dumb.
Cats particularly so.
My two have the look that says "Oh lord,that was dumb"

Nic said...

The first self-analysis I did was wanting to know why I used the word 'child' about the subject of privacy in regards to hand-held devices, mail, etc. It was really interesting because I hadn't realized just how much that childhood incident affected me. I just thought I was strict about privacy/mail in general.

SA has made me very aware of what I say and how I say it. However, I haven't asked my husband to analyze with me. My husband and I talk about SA more so in relation to it being my interest/hobby. Next time I say something analysis worthy I'll ask him to work with me. :0)

Side note: SA has made me aware of how bad my spoken and written English are! :0)

(I had to change "is" to "are" before I published!)

Nic said...

We recently underwent minor renovations. Part of the reno was to convert a half wall to a full wall. The day after the wall was painted, after supper, I asked my husband if he wanted to put up the art.

He said, "Sure." HAHA!

Then I said, "Sure? If you're tired we can put it up on the weekend."

He said he wasn't tired and if I wanted to put up the art, he'd get his tools. (The task required that we install a temporary floor over the stairs as the art was going on the now very large wall that faces the entry.)

So I shared what "sure" meant in statement analysis. I pointed out that he might not have been tired, but I didn't think that he felt like putting up the art that night .

He didn't disagree with my analysis, hahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Years ago, in New York, my boyfriend at the time asked me "Will you do me a favor?" I said "Yeh, what?" Then i thought he said "What are my plans?' I said "You said you're taking the A-Train downtown, and you said you'll be back later tonight!" He looked at me like I was from outer space. I said "Aren't those your plans?" He said "I'll ask you again: Water my plants?"

Lis said...


Anon, thankfully he is no Davey Blackburn, then! (Lots of words, no sad or shocked)

Anonymous said...

Haha Anon 7:19.

I wonder if there is something in SA about misheard statements. I suppose they are unuseable for the purpose of SA but they pose the question "why did the listener hear something different"?

I met a Chinese man once and I asked him what he did for a living. He said "Racetrack."

I asked him " horses or dogs?"

He gave me the same look your boyfriend gave you and said "Restaurant!

Horse chestnut said...

None of this matters. All I need is this darling dog.

Nic said...

Peter, how often is PHyatt@gmail checked? :0)

rjb said...

Anon @ 3:26 --

What we think we would (or should) say under certain circumstances isn't necessarily what we will actually say should those circumstances actually occur. Not to mention, anticipating one's responses in a situation too horrific to fully allow oneself to imagine (such as one's child being murdered) is difficult. I can imagine what I would say if pulled over for speeding because I have been pulled over for speeding, still speed, and it is an easy thing for me to picture happening again. However, when it comes to imagining what I would say if one of my children were murdered, my brain immediately goes to, "I know what SA says an innocent person would say, I would likely fall in line with that." I can't really wrap my mind around the idea of one of my children being murdered, so I can't "know" what my reaction and verbal responses would be. I know what they "ought" to be, and my guess is that your husband answered with what he thinks one's response "ought" to be as well. It is more honest to anticipate what someone else should say in a hypothetical then to ask ourselves how we would respond, because we will always, always give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and answer in a way that presents ourselves in the best possible light.

Tldr; If you had asked your husband, "What would you expect an innocent person who was accused of murdering their child to say?" he likely would have had a different answer.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:39. This made me laugh so hard!!!!! Oh my God!!!!

My Sew Imperfect Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
My Sew Imperfect Life said...

Peter, is it possible you wanted her to know you were sharing about her to a group, not just 1 person? Seminar to me signals group, and the more people you tell the more it means she impacted you. Like shouting it from the rooftops kinda thing. Is it usually one 1 reason words are chosen? Or can it be More than 1?

I don't talk to my family about it anymore. I know you told us not to practice on our family, but I still did it. My 14 yr old daughter cares abt honesty as much as I do & rarely lies. She applies SA in her own life & she's better than I am at picking up the sensitivity. She doesn't call people out on it, its more for her own knowledge. We joke abt sensitivity we hear in stories in the news/celeb world. My 17yr old son has Aspergers & extremely high IQ & low EQ. He sees no problem w/lying, I think he sees it as just a means to an end. All teenagers lie. He lies when he doesn't need to which is troubling. I lied as a teen for self-protection bc my mother was insane. The only consequence he gets for admitting he didn't do Xyz is that I ask him to go do xyz. To him that's a *huge* consequence, he frequently (jokingly but truthfully) laments that he has to go to school & do chores and he wishes he was a cat instead. He lies when he knows he'll be caught, just to put off having to do the kitty potty or trash just a little longer. He ended up suspended at school bc he kept making up reasons for why he didnt serve his lunch detention. (He didnt want to miss playing basketball w/his friends) His lies are hugely triggering to me and I haven't fully worked out why. I bothers me more when he doubles down than the initial lie. I give him outs, but he doubles down on the lies. Just days ago he lied about cleaning the kitty litter box yet again. I checked & he hadn't. I said if he just admitted he lied & said sorry & then scooped it he wouldn't be in trouble. He doubled down & said he cleaned it, just not well. Argh! I also made the mistake of talking a ton abt SA for quite awhile & BC he's brilliant he's able to craft initial statements that appear on the surface to be truthful. ( Though I'm sure Peter would see the flaws right away & they'd collapse under "cross examination." Lol) I have unintentionally and stupidly made him a better liar. :-( He also doesn't understand that sometimes its appropriate to either tell a little white lie or withhold the full truth if not doing so would hurt someone and have no net benefit. (Meaning telling a friend you saw her husband w/another woman would hurt her, but having the knowledge would benefit her vs saying you hate her dress which hurts her w/no benefit) Both the lying & now understanding sarcasm or facetiousness are new. Even as a teen if he asked me to save some cookies & I replied, "nope all for me,I'm the cookie monster!" He'd get upset BC he took everything literally. I think there was brain development/maturing which makes me hopeful its just a phase.

I've tried explaining to him why it hurts my feelings when he lies to me but he thinks I'm making a mountain out off a molehill. Part of the Aspergers/rigid thinking means if he himself doesn't consider it important, then its not. Does anyone have suggestions for how to explain why/how truth should be shared, but not always, and why its important? (Religious responses won't work, he stopped going to church & youth group & came out as an atheist. ) Has anyone discussed truth/lies w/a loved one on the spectrum?

PS plz excuse any typos, I'm on a tablet and ignoring the laundry to be folded :-)

She was only 8 said...

I checked myself once, I thought why did I type "pedoclown"... then I was like, oh yeh.

Anonymous said...

I'm aware of the lies my husband, friends and coworkers tell every day because of SA. Most of the lies are exaggerations rather than big whoppers, but they still bother me. I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm not interested in sharing my feelings or general chitchat with any of them because I know they'll tell me lies in response.
I'm being promoted next week and I know the fake congrats will come and for appearance sake, and I'll have to pretend they're genuine and act like I believe they're happy for me. It's disheartening. I wish I was ignorant of SA sometimes.