Thursday, April 19, 2012

Yes, Brenda, The Fun Begins at 50

A new friend, Brenda (she's my friend because she left a comment....hint, hint), wanted reassurance recently that the 50's are great years. Not the 1950's, but the sixth decade of life. My pea brain immediately landed on the classic "Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." So, with sincerest apologies to Virginia....and Santa Claus....and the editor of the New York Sun......and anyone else who is....uh....involved (like elves, maybe), I humbly submit to you, my version: Yes, Brenda, The Fun Begins at 50

Dear Claire -- I am 43 years old. Some of my so-called "friends" say there is no fun after 50. My hot boyfriend says, "If it's in 'I've Been There, Claire!', it's abso-fucking-lutely true." Please tell me the truth -- is there fun after 50?                                   Brenda

Brenda, those bitches are wrong! They're obviously jealous of your hot boyfriend and are trying to trash your not-too-distant, yet glorious, future (seven years, Brenda....just sayin'). They've read too many Seventeens and Glamours, and had way too much botox and silicone to fully grasp the wonders of the 50's and beyond. C'mon girls! Move on up to Oprah or Marie Claire or More! Don't buy into the bullshit perpetuated by the media that says women have to be 25 years old and weigh 12 pounds in order to live la vida loca. 

Yes, Brenda, the fun begins at 50! First and foremost, you become instantly eligible for a colonoscopy! Mine was a joyous occasion, as I'm sure you've read (because anyone with any brains [and we all know you don't really get brains 'til you're at least.....well, I adore Lauren, so I really can't go there, but you get my drift.....cuz you have a brain!] will read my blog). But wait, Brenda, that's not all! There's more!

Because you have lived so many, many full years, you have acquired a wisdom that is priceless. You know how to act at a funeral (because you're going to more of them). Opening a real bottle of wine is a cinch (no boxes or screw tops, please!). Forks are no longer a mystery. But that cool thing is that, even though you know which fork to use, you use the wrong one, just to fuck with people. Because you don't give a shit! You've lived long enough (really long) and have experienced enough to know what's important and what's not. Most stuff jus' don't matter. See? Priceless!

The wisdom and experience of the 50's and beyond, luckily, counter the naivete and gullibility of the 20's. At 54 I'm way more likely to call a spade a spade. I'm not buying the bullshit I did when I was younger -- thank God! Today, if I were single, I'd want to see proof before I dated someone: a letter from the bank, divorce papers, tax returns. No more falling for some hot guy with a smooth line and a fat wallet. That wad could all be one dollar bills with a fifty on the outside. C'mon people.....I wasn't born yesterday (and you can now say that with some real truth and sincerity behind it!).

No fun after 50? You might as well not have fun now either, because you're only going to get older...and grayer...and saggier. You're at that "so what/now what" junction. You're getting what? Now...what are you going to do about it? 

I say, dear Brenda, celebrate it! Have fun. Do whatever floats your boat (I took a lovely little motorcycle ride today. Probably another one tomorrow followed by a totally tasty steak at a fabulous restaurant.....ain't life grand?). Be grateful for everything. EV. REY. THING. I believe that the more joy, love, laughter, and gratitude (especially gratitude) you have in your life, the better your life will be. It seems to come a little more naturally to those who have lived a bit longer (probably because of that I-don't-give-a-shit attitude we like to rock), but anyone can foster it!. You'll feel more comfortable in your own skin. You'll find an underlying peace, and knowledge that all is well. But stock up on chocolate....just to be safe. Couldn't hurt....might help.

A dear friend gave me a plaque that reads: Well-behaved women rarely make history. I intend to make a LOT of history. (Yes, Betty White is my role model!)

Do you need reassurance that the last half is the best half? Are you living the "so what/now what" conundrum?

Have you been there?

P.S. See what happens when you comment? I might write a whole post.....just for you. It could happen......


  1. LMAO This is absolutely great! I am soooo looking forward to my 50's, as I'm currently NOT a fan of my early 40's!:) 

  2. Comment! Comment! Comment! Comment!

    Now write me a post dammit.  Please include the following topics: Gemstones, Monkeys, Tentacles, Cheese, Why Ryan is stupid.  (I'm totally kidding by the way, no posts necessary!)

    Thanks for linking to me btw.  I totally adore you too.  See you in Dallas?

  3. This is Lauren@FilingJointly by the way.  And now the world knows my maiden name.  Who knows how the heck that happened.

  4. Yes ma'am! I'll be front and center in my Juanita apron, holding my book. I really hope I find you (not so I can kidnap you or anything so no worries). I'll be looking for you!

  5. I know EXACTLY who you are! At least you can comment, though, right?

  6. Well, as you can see, you have much to look forward to! Thanks for being a good sport!

  7. Vote Betty White for President!!

    - Pamela

  8. OMG, Claire!  You so totally rock!  I think I love you!  That was the most AMAZING tribute to 50 (and I’m only a few short years from that magical-colonoscopy number, myself) I think I have ever read…and I don’t think I saw anywhere, “…and it beats the alternative…”

    Keep ‘em coming, Claire!!!  Loving these!


  9. Yay! And you can comment now! Wooohooooo! beats the alternative, right? ;)

  10. Claire is so right...although i cant retire till i die..but thats ok!!! I get to get the good parking spots, and boy scouts help me across the street!! (some of the leaders are HOT, too!!)
    and, i can order what i want, well, because, i CAN!!!!
    You go girl!! Love you!!

  11. WOO HOO it let me post as me finally!!!! YOU ROCK CLAIRE!!!

  12. You betcha!  :-)  Hey, I posted that cool Rock Star image you sent a couple weeks ago. I was so scared I’d jinx myself, but figure I’m out of the woods now, so why not, right? ;)

  13. Yay!! Life is goooooooood all around!

  14. I love the "well behaved women rarely make history" reference Claire.  I think too many people place too much stock on their looks.  There is a difference between liking how you look to wanting to look like some time warped plastic doll.  The part I am hoping to keep when I age is my mind but I think that ship may have sailed already.

  15. Love this. Thinking about turning 50 is worse then turning 50! I'm fabulous, grateful, and 53. This year I went grey! Yes I stopped coloring my hair! I figure if the younger set like lady Gaga are dying their hair grey it was in vogue. Celebrate who you are at every age. I'm 53 and still daring to dream, make music, and write.

    Linda Davidson

  16. Yes, ma'am! 54 here. *sneaking off to peek at blog and hair*


Yes! I've been there, Claire!