Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Top ten most overrated music acts in history

10. Oasis
Who has a guitarist called Bonehead? In 1994 singer Liam got wasted on crystal meth and assaulted his brother Noel, while onstage, with a tambourine.
Named after a beautiful spot in the center of a barren area. Ironically describing Noel's talent, almost obscured by his band-mates efforts.

9. Hanson
Formed in Tulsa, Oklahoma by brothers Isaac, Taylor, and Zac. Their biggest hit and only song anyone knows is MMMBop (1997) a male response to Cyndi Lauper's She-Bop.
Hanson actually formed in 1992 when Zac was still an embryo. The band was named after their last name and not Hanson's disease, the technical term for leprosy.

8. Wilson Phillips
An American vocal group consisting of Carnie Wilson, Wendy Wilson and Chynna Phillips. They are ultimately famous for being the daughters of Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) and John and Michelle Phillips (The Mamas & The Papas).
With this kind of pedigree how could they fail? Miserably, that's how. The highpoint of their career was when their best known song “Hold On” was used 14 years later in the stoner movie Harold & Kumar go to White Castle.

7. Green Day
Surprisingly, they formed way back in 1987 as Sweet Children later changing their name to Green Day in honor of the Japanese holiday Greenery Day.
Initially a 3-chord-wonder punk-pop band, now 23 years later a 3-chord-wonder grown up punk-pop band. They must be getting old, it took them 10 years to release their last 3 albums.

6. Madonna
We all know the Madonna story. Once the greatest soccer player in Argentina, snorted cocaine instead of training and got fat. Now he coaches the national team

5. Britney Spears
A product of the Disney generation, started her career as a mouseketeer, grew boobs and found that shaking them sells records. After slutting up the charts for a while, she got married and got pregnant, had a breakdown, shaved her head and went into rehab.
Rumors abound that she never sang live in concert. With cardio workout dance moves and dozens of costume changes during every performance how could she remember the words let alone sing them?

4. Bon Jovi
The pioneers of mainstream big hair. Yes, big hair was around for a while, but it never charted. Then along come 5 boys from New Jersey who use anthemic rock formulae to create tunes as big as their coiffures. Add the tight pants and a few token acoustic ballads to get the chicks wet and presto! Recipe for success.
The name Bon Jovi comes from the Italian bouno joviare meaning beautiful hair.

3. Prince
As with Madonna, everyone knows this story. Somebody once described Prince as a midget who has been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair. Recently he dissed the internet as being a fad of zeroes and ones and now refuses to issue his music digitally. Oh dear. Does his royal purpleness not realize that a CD is a digital version of his music? I guess he is going retro and unpacking his 8-track.

2. Jimi Hendrix
Just kidding, I put him in to catch the people who were skimming through the post instead of reading it. Personally I don't care for his work, but he changed the way people thought about the guitar and how to create music. Definitely an out of the box thinker.

1. Justin Bieber
Is it fair to include someone who's career has been so short? Damn right! He is the epitome of all that is wrong with the music industry today. The music business has become less about the music and more about the business. He is the spokesperson for disposable, and once his youthful good looks have left and his voice breaks.....

1 comment :

Justin said...

I agree with 9/10 of these. Sorry, but Madonna is amazing. She may not be the best singer in the world, but she certainly knows how to put on a show. As for these other people, though... Yikes. I still don't get why Justin Bieber is popular. His songs never do well on the charts, he sounds bad live (partially due to puberty), and he always looks bored. Bleh. Nice list.

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