Dinner Party Gallery Transcript
Thank you!



(Mary interrupts Clarence and then talks)

Mary: Clarence, are you listening to me?

Clarence: Yeah, I think so.




Chad: I don't know, man. That family's weird.


Mary: For some reason.


Mary: Thank you.

(Clarence's talks to Mary from the back seat.)




Clarence: Well, can I jump on the-

Mary: No, Clarence.

Clarence: Well, can I climb on the-


Clarence: Well, can I explore the house?

(Mary thinks for a second and then replies.)

Mary: Yeah, I guess that's all right. Sure.

(Clarence's sits back and repentantly says "yes".)


(Mary is seen worried and then talks to Chad.)



Mary: Chad! Chad!!



(An angry driver can be heard in the background.)


Mary: Are you kidding me?! Chad!!


Mary: Okay, slow do slow down. You're gonna hit.

(Chad hits behind a car and apologizes again.)

Tiffany: Okay, Breehn, here are some extra napkins. Make sure your friends have everything they need.

Walt: And remember, son, don't be a good host

Breehn: Be a great host.

Tiffany: Good boy.

(the doorbell rings, Tiffany opens the door)

Tiffany: Mary! Chad! Welcome to our home.

Clarence: Hi, lady.

Walt: What?

Tiffany: Now, I'm sure you're all dying to hear about the renovations we've done to our home, but first, a little history. This house is well over 100 years old oldest in the neighborhood, as a matter of fact!

Percy's Father: Oh, you don't say!

(Percy's Father drops some food on him and Percy's mother cleans him)

Percy's Father: Ohh. Oh. Now, you don't stop. Don't.

Tiffany: Now, our home being a Queen Anne style, we wanted to be sure to stay true to the Victorian motif.

Walt: Yeah, but too bad the cost was postmodern.

Tiffany: Walt, stop!

Walt: No, you stop.

Tiffany: No, you.

Chad: See? I told you they were weird.

(Mary kicks Chad)

Mary: Tiffany, your home is lovely.

Tiffany: I know.

(At the children's dinner, everyone except Jeff, who only eats his meal quietly, and Breehn, who is worried, they're all crazy, having fun)

Breehn: Don't do that, please.

Clarence: (singing) We are the goblins, 1, 2, 3. I'm the butcher, the baker, and one little piggy

Sumo: Ew! What is all this stuff?

Jeff: It's called "tapas." It's a Spanish style of dining.

Sumo: What's that one?

Jeff: That's an artichoke and goat cheese croquette.

Sumo: Ahh.

(Sumo crashes his food)

Sumo: Eh!

Jeff: I'm really impressed by your parents' selection, Breehn, very authentic.

Breehn: Oh. Uh, thanks.

Clarence: Honk, honk! All aboard the gravy train!

Jeff: Uh, no, Clarence. I don't want any Well

(Clarence fills Jeff's plate with sauce)

Jeff: I'm done.

(Percy throws a glass on the carpet)

Percy: Oops.

Breehn: Ugh. Good thing my parents put in stainproof carpets.

Clarence: You guy's carpets are stainproof?!

Breehn: Oh, Clarence, n

(Clarence throws sauce on the carpet)

Clarence: That's amazing. What other secrets does this house hold?

Breehn: Uh, I don't know.

Clarence: Hmm. No wonder my mom wanted me to explore this place. There could be anything, like hidden doors or a cupboard with a talking mouse in it.

Chelsea: Or a dead body.

Sumo: Ah! Now we're talkin'!

Clarence: All right, pack your things, gentlemen. We got some exploring to do!

(Clarence puts his hand in the sauce)

Clarence: Oops. Got to wash my hands.

(The dinner ends and Clarence comes out of the bathroom with his hands washed)

Clarence: (sees a door in the ceiling) Huh? Breehn, what's that up there?

Breehn: Uh, nothing. We We can't go up there.

Clarence: Why not?

(Tiffany looks angrily at Breehn)

Breehn: Uh, look, we're we're just not allowed, okay?

Clarence: Aww.

Breehn: Do you want to explore my room instead? We can pretend the floor is lava.

Clarence: No. Lava scares me.

Clarence: Hey, can we explore the basement?

Breehn: Okay. We're allowed.

Tiffany: Come on, everyone! We have got to show you our kitchen. (Adults follow Tiffany)

Walt: You'll just flip when you see what we've done with the cabinetry.

(Children open the basement door, surprised)

Clarence: Oh, yeah. This is a basement all right.

Look at that! - This is so cool. - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, look at that. - This is definitely a basement. All right, people. I want everything in this basement checked out, so just go look at stuff, pick it up, root around, and if you find anything, let me know. O-Okay. Careful! careful! Got a message from a mermaid queen. She was hangin' from a fish - Whoa! - Guys, please be careful. If you break anything, my parents will kill me. - Hammers, hammers, hammers! - Whoo-hoo! Oh, my god! Guys, I found something! The house walls are full of cotton candy! Actually, Clarence, it's called "insulation. " Wait! No, Clarence! Don't touch that! It's full of fiberglass! Oh, no! Nobody's supposed to get hurt! Oh, my gosh! My parents are gonna kill me! - I'm dead! I'm so dead! - Pull yourself together, man! - Well, that was exciting. - Okay. He's fine. Would you just look at the water pressure? Makes you glad to be alive, huh? And we had the tiles imported all the way from Morocco. Ugh. I got to get out of here. Chad! Chad! - Oh, I hear Clarence. - Chad, Chad, where are you going? - Hello? - Chad! What are you doing all the way down here?! Ooh! - I just came to see what's up. - That's great, Chad. The more the merrier. Ohh! Thanks. Yeah! yeah! Go, Chad! Go, Chad! - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! Yeah! Up down. Up down. - Whoa! - Whew! - All right. My turn. - Yeah, maybe later, little man. Wow. You could probably beat up my dad. - Ah. Thanks, kid. - Say, Chad, when do you think my muscles will start coming in? Next year? Uh, yeah, probably. Can't rush 'em, though. - Cool. - All right. I think we explored everything down here. Where to next? We could go explore Breehn's bedroom. - Or Breehn's parents' bedroom. - I think we should go to the kitchen. We can go anywhere you guys want, as long as it's not the attic. Attic? - We got to go to that attic. - Yeah! - Yes, let's go in the attic! - Guys, I just said my parents - don't want anyone going up there. - What do you think they're hiding? - Somethin' nasty! - Or a dead body. And then it turned into a dead ghost. I'm scared, but I still want to go. You guys, no! My parents will kill me! Breehn, Breehn, Breehn, Breehn, Breehn. Your parents are gonna kill you anyway. Now, don't you want to find out what's up there before they do? - Uh, Chad, what do you think? - Uh - Oh, Walt! - Oh, Tiff! - yeah, I say we go to the attic. - But then Walt wanted it pinstripes, and we both thought about desert rose. Boy, that would have been a mistake. - Can you imagine?! - No, I can't! You know, when I was painting Clarence's room, - I spent so much - Um, actually, Mary, we're still talking about our wallpaper here, so if you could just keep the chatter down, that'd be great. Thanks! Where are you, Chad? - Whoa! - Go, go, go. - Oh, my gosh. - I'm so excited. Look! There's a ghost! - It's just a teddy bear. - Over there! Oh. it's just a mannequin, a rainbow wig, - a pair of trousers, and two rakes. - Hmm. Maybe the ghosts are hiding. Better look around. - Ew! - Hey, it's my game player! I thought I lost it. I love this thing! Hey, look at these cool old magazines. - That's the biggest building I ever saw. - Okay, bud. I think we're done up here and we should head downstairs. - Aw, man! - But I still wonder what Breehn's parents were hiding. Whoa. Did you guys hear that? Hello, ghosts? Are you there? I'm just a friendly boy. Just be my friend, okay? Clarence, look out! Back to our floors - Oh, lordy. - Well, guess we know why they didn't want us to go in the attic. Chad, are you okay?! - Why'd you do that? - Chad, I want you to know that you are my hero, just in case you fall to your death, which it's kind of looking like. Chad! I'll save you! No, no, no, no! I don't think the floor will Wow. Look at that. Hey, mama. What's for dessert? Kind of tastes like drywall. - Son, are you all right? - Oh, my gosh! Oh, my dang, dang gosh! You people destroyed our home! I hope you understand the ramifications of this! Someone is going to pay for this disaster! Hmm. I don't know. Looks like some faulty - construction there, Walt. - Wha What are you trying to say?! I'm just sayin' if somebody got hurt, a man could sue. Oh. Uh suddenly, I feel dizzy. Oh, yeah. I think my back's really twisted up. And my brains fell out. Bye, Breehn. See you at school Monday. Sorry about your house. - Am I in trouble? - I think we both are. So, you're not mad at us? Chad, all I could picture was your butt hanging out of that ceiling. Seems like you guys were the only ones who had fun tonight. - Boy, what snobs. - Wow. That was the best dinner party of my whole life. I even saw a ghost. It was so scary. You guys hungry for ice cream? - Oh, I'd love some. - Yes, sir! Yes, sir! I am! That dessert was so bland. Oh, my lord! Chad, are you okay?! You hit your face on the moon!

— Dinner Party/Transcript —
Season 0 Pilot