tp-mill-fireThis episode picks up right where things left off with Donna and James investigating Jacoby’s office and finding a bunch of weird ass things like a box full of cocktail umbrellas with cryptic notes. They find a coconut with a tape inside and the necklace that Jacoby somehow found and dug up.

Back to abbreviated points so I can focus on the show itself and keep track of my thoughts…

1) Why is Jacoby talking to himself and so enamoured with Laura? Who’s the weird man who happened to know that Jacoby would be where he was looking at Fake Laura? Why does the weird man decide jump Jacoby by beating on him like he’s a deranged gorilla? I won’t ask why harm Jacoby because that’s obvious. He’s the worst. So help me if the rest of the show is some weird fever dream in Jacoby’s mind.
2) Oh good, pornstache Bob is back. He’s not super great with the moustache but Agent Cooper is pretty handsome with those glasses on. I’m into it. The card dealer though? NAHP.
4) Oh god, Laura’s death is part of a gross sex ring isn’t it? Ick.
5) Leo for the love of cats, just leave Shelly alone. You gross lady abuser. I hate him.
6) Laura has a death fetish? Ok.
7) There are no words for how much I hate Leo. He’s the actual worst. Why is he burning down the mill? What does he have to gain from that? I don’t really get why everything is connected like it is.
8) Why is everyone in this town obsessed with death? Bob’s wife, I can’t currently remember her name, planning on her suicide? That’s too many pills. That ain’t gonna do nothing. Well, it’ll do something but it won’t kill you proper. Yeesh lady. I kind of feel like there are too many deaths on the docket for this episode. I’ll guess that one person dies while the other survive. So we’ve got Eyepatch Lady, Jacoby, Bobby, and Shelly. I predict that Jacoby dies and the others live.
9) Catherine is playing Peter. That sneaky minx. I don’t believe her for a second that she has good intentions in playing at Peter’s affections. She wants that ledger and that’s all. It’s entirely possible that I missed it but I don’t understand what she gains from all of this. She’s already rich and has influence within the town. What else does she want?
10) So Jacques has been shot by Andy? Laura talked Ronette into taking photos and made ads? Ok. Shit went down in the cabin in the woods… the plot thickens-ish.
11) Dammit. I was wrong… Jacoby lives. Curses. Bobby, Shelly or Eyepatch Lady. Maybe Eyepatch Lady then. Someone HAS to die… right? (Ah yes, Nadine… that’s her name!)
12) I was so wrong! Wrong wrong wrong! GOODBYE LEO.
13) And Jacques? Ok. I mean, I wasn’t attached to him as a character so whatever. Byeeeeeee Felicia. Who is this figure in the black coat? Hmmm? Who dis murderer? Oh, that guy!
14) Oh gosh I’m really grossed out about the whole Audrey’s dad owns One Eyed Jacks. I didn’t want to be right about that. Ick.

OH NO AGENT COOPER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Josie’s lipstick colour this episode is provided by the blood of her enemies. Enemy Blood: the colour for the bombshells of Twin Peaks, new from Cover Girl.

Last thoughts: Lucy remains the best. I’m warming up to Andy too. They’re pretty gosh darn cute.

Stay tuned for E9 tomorrow!

Stephanie Cooke