9 Unexpected Things That You Had No Idea The Male Body Does

Originally posted on Bustle

There are a lot of weird things the body does as part of everyday life. If you’re a human with a vagina, you’ll be familiar with all of the fun and weird types of discharge that can make an appearance throughout the month— and that’s before we ever get into periods. Or random chin hairs. Or queefing. My body is more like a scary theme park ride than a wonderland, most of the time at least. But that’s OK. Because bodies are just weird AF.

But while the quirks of the female body are familiar to me, the male body is a whole other ball game. Growing up with a bunch of teenage boys alerted me to the fact that their dirty gym socks are, apparently, a gateway into the depths of hell, but other than that I’m a little in the dark.

But just like women, there are plenty of surprising things that the male body does, even when it is totally healthy, that you might not be aware of. If you’ve always found the male body a bit of a mystery, you may be surprised at some of the things it’s capable of. Here are some unexpected things it can do — or even does all the time — because yeast infections aren’t just for women. Sorry, guys.

1. They Can Get Yeast Infections


They’re not just for us lucky ladies. Men can get yeast infections just like women can. Luckily, the same easy fixes like a fungal cream seem to be effective on them, too, but yeast infections are never nice — no matter how common they might be.

2. They Can Get Food Stuck In Their Facial Hair


A beard can contain up to 15,000 follicles — and normally has at least 7,000. That’s a lot of hair for food, sweat, and bacteria that can get stuck in facial hair. It’s believed that we lose about 100 hairs a day from out heads and studies have found that 60 seconds of brushing can unearth 10 hairs. That’s in a single minute. Imagine how easy it is to end up with an errant hair or 15 in your food. But then again, I lose what looks like a voodoo doll every time I shower, so who am I to judge.

3. They Can Have Frustratingly Short Orgasms


That’s right, the average male orgasm lasts six seconds, compared to 23 seconds for women. So even though you may be trying to give him the best pleasure of his life, it just doesn’t last that long. Oh, and ejaculations average at 28 mph, or faster than Usain Bolt

4. They Can Get Erections In The Womb


Yup — fetuses as young as 16 weeks have been shown to have “protuberances” that rise and fall in the womb, which is just weird to think about. It’s called in-utero fetal penile erection, and it’s real as hell.

5. They Can Fight Off Other Semen


OK this one is a little weird, so stay with me: the male penis is shaped not only to deposit semen successfully into a woman, but also displace the semen of a rival, according to research from SUNY Albany. What does that mean? Well, basically, the shape of the penis can help knock out sperm that’s already in there, to help make sure their sperm takes the top spot. In the study, researchers found “phalluses that approximated the configuration of the human penis displaced 80 percent or more of the semen by drawing it away from the cervical end of the vagina.”

The idea of displaced semen isn’t exactly a nice one, but I guess it’s effective.

6. They Can Lactate


So lactating isn’t gross, but it’s weird to think of a male doing it. But sometimes, due to severe starvation or problems with the pituitary gland, it can happen.

7. Smegma


Smegma is a gross-sounding word for a pretty normal problem — a smelly substance that can grow, especially beneath a man’s foreskin. It can be prevented with proper hygiene and smegma itself is actually a totally natural lubricant. But when it builds up, it becomes a problem.

8. They May Be Smellier


Men can run into trouble with a hormone called androstenone, a “key component in male sweat and urine,” according to Scientific America. While some people can’t smell it, to others it’s really, really not pleasant.

9. They May Fart More


Though the average person farts 10 times a daymen fart more than women. But it’s not all on them, because women’s farts actually smell worse than men, says science. We tend to have higher concentrations of hydrogen sulfide, which is responsible for the bad fart.

These unexpected things are nothing to be ashamed of by any means. As much as you may (and should!) love your body, it’s hard to ignore the fact that bodies are just pretty strange.