Horror Headlines: Monday August 5th, 2013

I had to stop at the grocery store this past thursday on my way home from work. As I walked through the front door I was immediately greeted by a middle aged man hunched over gagging while an employee of the store was standing behind him giving the Heimlich maneuver. The guy who was choking looked up, locked eyes with me and then after three good thrusts shot out a giant piece of peach onto the ground. The point of this story is if you steal fruit from the grocery store and eat it eventually the powers that be will punish you. And when they do the last thing you could see before you die is me trying to nonchalantly move around the crowd that's formed to watch you choke to death so I can get to the beer aisle. You've been warned.





In Real People News: 

When a sex offender moves into your neighborhood you're immediately worried about the kids. The dogs on the other hand, I never would have thought to worry about the dogs. Of course this is Florida, and looking outside to see your neighbor and your dog going at it is probably not that uncommon.

A 12 year old boy robbing a lemonade stand with a BB gun sounds just down right adorable doesn't it? Wait no, terrible. It's terrible. He's being charged with armed robbery, which is terrible. Oh man, did he have a little tiny ski mask on? Don't tell me, don't tell me. I don't want to know.


Podcast Co-Host/Writer/Beer Drinker Extraordinaire
