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Accidents Will Happen

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: abney317

(Mr. Krabs in his office at the Krusty Krab writing on paper and wearing glasses)
Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Sounds like a mutiny. (Walks out of his office) What the-? (Angry customers facing Mr. Krabs and yelling.) What in Neptune's knickers is this?
Fish #7: (Holding onto Mr. Krabs) Where's the dude in the boat, man!? Where's the dude in the boat!?
Mr. Krabs: Ooh! You mean Mr. Squidward. (points) Well, he's at his post right over ther- (Cashier boat empty) Where's me cashier!? (Mr. Krabs glares are the customer who is holding his arm still. Pulls his arms away.) SpongeBob! Where in Poseidon's pantyhose is that sorry excuse for a cashier?
SpongeBob: Sorry excuse for a cash-? Ooooh, you mean Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Yes, I mean Squidward. Where is he!?
SpongeBob: He's in the storage room. Says he's working on something requiring...(whispers) complete privacy.
Mr. Krabs: Oooh. He requires privacy, does he? (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs go to storage room to see what the crashing noise was) What's all the ruckus!? (Chain has broken and released buns on top of Squidward. Mr. Krabs gasps) Oh no! Please, no! This is terrible! (crying) Are ya hurt?
Squidward: Oh, well. Thank you for ask-
Mr. Krabs: I wasn't talking to you! (Picks up some of the buns) Don't worry, papa's here. (crying)
Squidward: Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Your shelf collapsed on me, and I twisted my ankle. (Holding up twisted ankle. The ankle snaps downward.)
Mr. Krabs: I didn't even know you had ankles.
Mr. Krabs: Injured? On the job? Oh no. That would mean--
SpongeBob: It's all right here, Mr. Krabs. (Moves boxes over revealing sign) The Bikini Bottom OWS Worker Safety Guidelines. Let's see, it says here... (pointing at sign) blah blah blah blah accident...blah blah blah blah owner negligence...blah blah blah blah substantial fines.
Mr. Krabs: Substantial fines? You know, Squidward...uh...I can't really let the OWS hear about this, you know. (Chuckling)
Squidward: Really? Well, maybe I should give them a call. (Holds up cell phone)
Mr. Krabs: Now now, Squidward, let's not be hasty. I'll take care of your poor little ankle personally. SpongeBob! Squidward needs first aid!
SpongeBob: First aid? Fear not, injured co-worker, for I am certified. (Wearing new hat, vest, and stethoscope)
Squidward: Oh, no no no, don't touch me. (SpongeBob pulls on Squidward's nose and places the stethoscope on it) SpongeBob, would you mind letting go of my nose?
SpongeBob: Oh, sure.
Squidward: (Nose snaps back in face) Ow! (Yelling into stethoscope) Get away from me! (Echoes in SpongeBob's ears)
Squidward: Well this is it. I am reporting you to the OWS.
Mr. Krabs: (Screams) Please don't report me to the OWS. I'll do anything, anything at all ya ask. (On knees begging)
Squidward: Hmm? Anything?
Mr. Krabs: (Carrying Squidward. Grunts and places him down on a chair at a table) Ooo, now if you want anything, just ask. Heheheh.
Squidward: I could sure use a pillow.
(Mr. Krabs Brings pillow and places it behind Squidward. Grunts)
Squidward: And another one more for my foot. (Pointing at foot)
Mr. Krabs: Well, sure thing. Heheh. (Sets it under Squidward's foot) Okay, if that's all I'll just get back to be--
Squidward: Fluff it.
Mr. Krabs: What did you say?
Squidward: I said, "fluff it."
Mr. Krabs: Fluff my pillow, I'll fluff him. (Fluffing pillow and mumbling)
Squidward: What's that?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, uh, I said, uh, will there be anything else Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: (sighs) No, thanks. That should do it.
Mr. Krabs: Fine.
Squidward: Oooh, Krabsy.
Mr. Krabs: Oo huhuh, what can I do for you?
Squidward: Just one more thing. I'm afraid you'll have to take over for me today.
Mr. Krabs: What!? No!
Squidward: Oh, that's too bad. It looks my twisted ankle may become a permanent injury.
Mr. Krabs: Well that would be an even bigger fine. (Fluffing pillow) You just sit back down and relax. We don't want you bein' injured any further. Heehee. Whew, that was close. (Goes to register) Aah, well, at least the Krusty Krab isn't very busy today.
Anchovies: Meep. Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep. (Many anchovies saying meep)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, of course.
SpongeBob: (Walks out from kitchen) Oh, Mr. Krabs, I have the OWS accident report form to fill out. Let's see...Question 1: Was the accident the result of criminal negligence. (Mr. Krabs screams) Mr. Krabs, what is criminal negligence?
Mr. Krabs: It's, uh, what criminals bed. Don't worry about that, hehe, we don't need to bother those nice folks over at the OWS. We can do our own investigation.
SpongeBob: Oooh, you mean we should find out if you're criminally negligent.
Mr. Krabs: Um uh, not exactly. What I mean is...(whispering) I think Mr. Squidward is hiding something...and I want you to investigate.
SpongeBob: Yes sir, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Shhh...You gotta keep it a secret from Squidward.
SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs. (In storage room with "Do Not Cross" tape on the door) If I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, I'm gonna need some help. (Patrick is there now) Okay, you stand here. (Places Patrick on top of Squidward body outline. Walks over and hold up the shelf with buns on it) Now pretend you're Squidward, and reach for a bun. And I'll simulate the shelf hitting Squidward. (Slams shelf on Patrick's head)
Patrick: Ow! (Dizzy and falls over, but not directly on Squidward's outline)
SpongeBob: Hmm, we seem to be missing something. Well, we'll have to do it again.
Patrick: (Get's up) Ah, do what again? (Rubbing head. Slamming noise) Ow!
SpongeBob: Darn. One more time. (Slams shelf)
Patrick: Ooow!
Squidward: Aah. (On Krusty Krab roof. Mr. Krabs comes up with tea) Oh Krabsy, after tea, I think a full tentacle massage would be in order.
Mr. Krabs: I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10 foot--
Squidward: (On phone) Hello, office worker safety department--
Mr. Krabs: (Dives for the phone yelling and eats it. Chuckles) I'll go get the massage oil now. Heehee. (Runs to storage room) Boy, you got anything?
SpongeBob: Not yet, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh... (Picks up bucket of fry grease. sighs)
Squidward: Heh-hem. I'm waiting!
Mr. Krabs: Oooh. Coming.
SpongeBob: This just isn't adding up.
Patrick: (On floor with a black eye and bandages on) Pudding?
SpongeBob: We must be missing something. We're gonna need help even more expert than you.
Squidward: Aaah. (Laying on Krusty Krab table getting a fry grease massage from Mr. Krabs. Moaning)
Billy: Um, hello? Anybody here?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, for the love of peat moss.
Billy: Anybody at all? Huh, maybe they're on their lunch brea--.
(Mr. Krabs reaches into Billy's back pocket and takes his money. He then walks to the back and starts grilling a Krabby Patty. Mr. Krabs walks back out to Billy with the Krabby Patty and tries to hand it too him covered in fry grease.)
Billy: Umm, aren't you gonna wash your-- (Mr. Krabs shoves the Krabby Patty into Billy's mouth. Billy groans)
Mr. Krabs: (Massaging Squidward's tentacles again) How long do I need to keep this up?
Squidward: Oh, it's gonna be a long, slow recovery. Time to pop my back barnacles.
(Mr. Krabs pulls off sheet revealing barnacles on Squidward's back. Mr. Krabs screams. Mr. Krabs reaches towards one of the barnacles and screams as the camera cuts to fish eating. Fish are disgusted and leave. Someone yells something about the "Secret ingredient", "Special sauce man" and everyone else is yelling things. Fish with OWS hat comes in)
O.W.S. Inspector: Office Worker Safety Department. I'm here to investigate the accident.
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Oh, no!
Squidward: (Sitting up on table with towel on) Oh, yes.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, after all I've done for you, you've called the O.W.S. (Points at Squidward)
SpongeBob: He didn't call them Mr. Krabs, we did. (Walks over to Mr. Krabs holding a clipboard with Patrick bandaged up next to him.) I needed help investigating the accident, right buddy?
Patrick: Uh, breakfast, green, Finland.
Squidward: Well I, for one, plan to give him my full cooperation. (Rolls over to the inspector in a wheelchair) Anything I can do, inspector? (Looks over and smirks at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs snarls)
O.W.S. Inspector: (In storage room) So, this is where the accident occurred. Would anyone tell me what happened? (holding clipboard and pencil)
Squidward: I'll be glad to! I mean, I can relive the whole tragic episode...(sniffles) if I must. (Stands up from wheelchair and groans) It was just another day at the Krusty Krab. I was at the register giving it a nice shining between orders (Squidward shining the register) when something caught my eye-- (Eye points towards a Krabby Patty) a patty bun with 10 seeds...(Numbers show next to each seed) instead of 11. (Squidward standing up on cashier board with hands on hips and one foot up on the register proudly) I wasn't about to stand idly by and allow a customer to go without all his guaranteed nutrients and vitamins. "I must replace it with a proper bun," I said. I dashed into action. (Runs to customer and takes Krabby Patty) "Excuse me sir."
Billy: What a diligent and charming individual.
Squidward: That's when I entered the back room to grab a new bun. Just as I was about to reach for one, I heard a slight creak, and that's when the chain snapped! And then wham! (Shelf hits Squidward) My heroic and brave actions were halted by an unsafe shelf. (Squidward falls to the ground drooling) Disoriented and in pain, I collapsed and lay for nearly 6 hours crying softly for help. (Squidward cries) "Help. Help." The worst part though that I never got that kind gentleman his new bun. (Starts to cry. Sniffles)
O.W.S. Inspector: Hmm, I see. As you know, certain penalties are involved. (Holds up receipt calculator)
Mr. Krabs: (Worried) Oh, no.
(O.W.S. Inspector starts calculating. Mr. Krabs starts crying)
O.W.S. Inspector: One...dollar!
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Nooo! Why? Why? Why!? (Sees security camera and stops crying) Huh? What's this? Hold on a second! Me video surveillance camera! (Points to camera)
Squidward: What!?
Mr. Krabs: I forgot. I, uh uh, borrowed that from the airport. Now, let's see what really happened here. (Rolls TV and VCR over. Video shows Squidward laying on the shelf on top of the buns. Squidward sighs and is relaxed. The shelf snaps and he falls and yells. Mr. Krabs gasps) You...faker! (Spitting while yelling in Squidward's face) Not to mention you were sleepin' on the job. (Panting)
Squidward: W-What are you gonna do? (Laying on ground)
Mr. Krabs: (Growling) I'm gonna make you pay.
Squidward: Oh, no!
(Mr. Krabs is laying on a Krusty Krab table with a towel over his back. He lets out a relaxed sigh. Squidward pulls towel back and screams seeing the barnacles and little critters on Mr. Krabs' back. Squidward reaches down to the barnacles on the back and they make popping noises as he removes them. Squidward screams.)