Tuesday, February 19, 2019

To Hope and to Live - Written by Me.

All of you that slightly know me or read my blog, know by now that I love to write. I started writing in my native language (Albanian) since I was 9 or 10. My favorite class has always been creative writing. But I also liked business writing, analytical writing, etc. - I studied business in school after all. But as soon as I started learning English in my early teens - before I moved to United States - I started writing my first essays, short stories and poetry and I haven't stopped since. In case you were wondering, I have probably written over 400 poems in English ever since, plus essays, short stories, a couple of long stories and more. As I was looking through old files in my computer I found this little gem that I wrote almost a decade ago. It was a week before I turned 30 actually, on April 28th 2010 to be exact. Funny thing is re-reading this, I must say that I concur with every single thing I wrote then - now, though my life has changed so much in the last decade, mostly for the better. But I have had some sad chapters and some challenges, too. Read on below and tell me what you think. I think everyone can relate to this.

"To Hope and To Live" - A Little Reflection on My Life. 

As if the day strings each minute by a thread, as if the night sprinkles each star by a galaxy, as if a motion causes a thrill, a joyful ride, as if a sentiment is written down on a piece of paper. So many sentiments, emotions, built-up pain, joy and feelings written and unwritten, spoken and unspoken, one by one. Just like that, each second forms a minute, a minute that sometimes can feel as long as a century. A minute that can change your life. Think about how many babies are born in that single minute. How many women suffered through the last second of that minute, through their labor. How many people's hearts stopped beating. How many accidents can happen in just one minute. How your entire life can change, ENTIRELY! In one single, tiny, fast, quick minute... Upside down. All around. For better or for worse. Life can change. And just like that, minute by minute an hour transpires and twenty four of them together create a day filled with daylight and darkness, happiness and sadness, excitement and boredom, warmed up by the sun and lit up by the moon.

…Right there among the pains, the tears, the laughter and the smiles, the soft-spoken voice and the giggles, between the blue of the sky and the red of the blood, like a maze of seasons filled with anger and mayhem, a drop of milk as ivory, as clean, as porcelain-like as a newborn, a flicker of light so soft, sweet and sensual, inside a moment filled with passion and dolor, a tiny but bright little hope comes by and sparkles through. It is piercing like a diamond in the darkest of the nights. It feels like a Roman warrior, a war pioneer or an unfallen hero. Such hope brings the smallest smile to a frowned face and turns it upside down. Just for a split second, it warms up the heart and calms down the soul, as if it were a candy store filled with sugary-pink sweets and rainbow lollipops. As if it were a poem inspired by love only, or a song that brings back memories of nights filled with lust, insane lovemaking and screaming climax of two naked bodies that feel like one. Just for a split second even the saddest soul can cry tears of happiness, For a split second, you can feel like a portrait of art that awakens even the loneliest of the souls.

As life goes on with its adventures and whatnot, as things transpire on a day-to-day basis, movies are made, action heroes are created, successes and failures become passengers of the same bus, and nothing feels right anymore, that tiny hope helps to see the glass half full as opposed to half empty. And just when you thought that things couldn't get worse, something magnificent appears out of the blue. Whether you fall in love, become a parent, find a best friend, or you simply find where you belong, there is someone out there for you to keep you warm in the cold nights, to shelter you from the wind, the rain and the snow, to protect you from the backstabbers and the frenemies. Whether you wish upon a star or just pray to God for a miracle, a candle of hope brings light to many a church, it brings light to your heart. Whether your migraines are chronic or acute, whether it is the first or the last time you truly cried from the inside, there is a kindred spirit that brings you home where you feel the safest. You find your home and that is when you find your freedom, your heart, your happiness, your belonging. All of a sudden, a tiny little smile tweaks the corners of your lips and you wipe away that warm and large, salty tear. You cover yourself with a blanket and start thinking about happy tomorrows leaving sorry yesterdays where they belong - in the past. Nothing can break you in that very moment, you have lived many years of your life with excitement and with some fear but that shape of hope promises better years to come, you just have to believe that and always follow your heart step by step, do everything wholeheartedly and give it your all!

Every loss you have suffered and every misgiving you have experienced will disappear this one time. Other losses, mistakes, disappointments and sufferings will follow but don't focus on them as you will rise above them because as a human being you are The Phoenix! Hope will touch into piano pentagrams and turn every beat of misfortune into a triumphant melody! What a beautiful, beguiling, bright, bold hope, so little yet so humongous, so full of ever-green gratitude, that very same hope that keeps us kicking our heels, makes us walk, run, jump and never stay still, the very same hope of which the heart sings for… so many flickers and stars, a playground of galaxies, so much joy…, such is life!! Life is Joy! Find Joy within you and you will Live not just Exist!