A married man was having an affair with his secretary

One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.


Husband's 19 year old secretary

A woman finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning.

"My dear wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter I hope that y...

A woman decides to surprise her husband at work, and walks into his office to find him talking on the phone and his very attractive secretary perched on his lap.

As soon as he sees his wife, the husband speak into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue running this office with only one chair."

Why I fired my secretary

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

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A man is having an affair on his wife with his secretary


General secretary Gorbachev is going by car to a meeting.

Suddenly, his driver hits a pig near a small village and stops the car.
Gorbachev gives him 100 rubel and tells him, “Take the dead pig, go into the village, find out who it’s owner was, apologize to him, and give him this money.”
Several hours later the driver returns totally drunk. Gorbachev...

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A secretary reports a general for treason to Stalin in WWII.

I heard him saying, "That murderous mustache!"" The General explains he meant Hitler. Stalin asks the secretary, "Who did YOU think he meant?"

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A woman walks in on her husband performing anal sex on his secretary.

The wife screams, “You can’t do this to me!”

The husband says, “I know. That’s why I’m doing it to her.”

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Sex with boss

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you and I’ll make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 dollars on the floor and by time you bend down to pick it up I’ll be done.

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said to her “but ask him f...

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I caught my Boss having sex with his secretary in his office

"Close the door!" he said angrily.

"Can't you see that we are having a debriefing!".

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A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his office and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist replied, “tell him I can’t see him.”





The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a ...

Whats you father's occupation?

Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."

How is the new secretary?

Wife: How is the new secretary?

Husband: Ok

Wife: How does she dress?

Husband: Quickly

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

The New Secretary

Mr Robinson hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning she noticed that Mr Robinson's fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said "Mr Robinson, your barracks door is open." He was puzzled by her remark but later in the day noticed that his zipper...

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.


The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive in...

What is the difference between secretary and personal secretary

Secretary - good morning sir

Personal secretary - it’s morning sir

A manager decided to take the day off and go golfing

He really enjoyed his day and lost track of time, only realizing how late it was when the sun started setting at 8 PM. He was still dirty from golfing but decided he'd better get straight home.

He rushed home as fast as he could, but his wife was very upset.

"Sorry honey, I was out g...

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I got divorced last week because my wife forgot my birthday

But that wasn't everything..



I felt so special.

She asked me out for lunch.

After lunch,...

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During the height of the Great Patriotic War, Stalin is listening to the updates his marshals give him on the situation on the fronts

When the meeting is over, Zhukov is the first one to step out.

"Mustachioed asshole" he mumbles as he slams the door.

Stalin's personal secretary, Poskrebyshev happens to hear Zhukov's outburst. Being the loyal servant to the cause, he immediately reports it to his boss. Stalin orders...

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The Methodists prayed in a corner.

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client. "I have some good news, and I have some bad news." he says.

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be r...

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A large multinational company puts out an application for a secretary.

A golden retriever applies for the job, passes the written test and is scheduled for an interview. At the interview the interviewer asks, "Can you speak any foreign languages?"

And the golden retriever says, "Meow."

Pedro gets a New Secretary.



Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"

Pedro: “Haven’t had the time ...

I’ve lost count of the number of times my secretary has been late, so I’m finally doing something about it.

From now on I’m using condoms.

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

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My boss told be there would be a training seminar about sexual innuendo in the workplace and asked me to invite my secretary.

I left her a post it note saying if she couldn’t come I’d happily fill her slot for her.

There was an American and a Russian arguing..

Then the American said “Look, in my country I can complain about the government. I can walk into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the President’s Desk and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re running our country’”

The Russian said “I can do the same thing” The American was stunned...

I was a secretary in an office...

And one of my coworkers, Herald, had a beautiful parakeet that he kept on his table in his office cubby. It was named "Dimes" after his love of small shiny objects.

Anyways at the office one day, I get a call from Herald's table and it was the parakeet. He was tired of being the only one in t...

Priest and the Camera

Twice a week the local parish priest liked to go up on the roof of the rectory and crank one out. He had decided that this was probably the most discreet and secure place he could be and not be discovered. One day a tourist on a nearby tower was taking pictures of the city landscape and noticed the ...

My secretary called this morning and said she cant work anymore because she lost her eye. After assuring her that was understandable, I asked her to send me her resignation in writing for HR purposes.

"Dear Smon,

The past year has been terrfc, but t s my sncere regret to nform you today wll be my last day wth the organsaton ... "

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Husband was screwing his secretary up the ass when his wife walked in

Wife: (sobbing) You can't do this to me!

Husband: I know that's why I am doing it with her!

In the small village the 5G transmitter was built.

Some time after building, the villagers started being angry about it. Soon, they made a petition against it. A secretary comes to the director of the project to inform him about the whole situation.
- Director, you may want to look at this.
- What is this?
- A petition against placing our t...

There was a little boy who needed $10 and he prayed to God for two weeks to get the money...

But nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God to ask for the $10. When the post office was to sort out the boy's letter addressed to 'God, America', they decided to deliver it to President Donald Trump. The President was impressed, touched and entertained by the boy's letter. He tol...



The next night the man and his wife were driving to a rest- aurant. S...

The Boss asks his secretary for some paper

Secretary: A4 paper right?

Boss: No, A for apple.

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What the fuck are Yuan?

A secretary knocks on God's door.

"The atheists are here to see you" she says.

God replies, "Tell them I'm not here"

Defense Secretary Shanahan briefed the President this morning.

He told Trump that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Trump's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaking. Finally, he composed himself and asked Shanahan, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

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important document here and my Secretary has gone for
the night. Can you make this thing work?"

“Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine
on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” ...

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My secretary reminds me of my wife.

I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "Remember, you have
a wife."

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A man sees an ad in the paper for a Big Dick club.

He decides he wants to join, so he goes to the next meeting.

He walks up to the secretary and says, “I’d like to join the big dick club.”

She responds, “How big is your dick?”

“Eighteen inches.”

The secretary bursts out into uncontrollable laughter. Not knowing what’s w...

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A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner.

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex
for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hick...

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The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client.

The client, out of the blue, suddenly asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, ...don't reject the guy outright.

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minut...

Three men meet a weird car salesman.

Three men, childhood friends, are looking to get new cars. They travel to an odd-looking dealership. They approach the salesman.

Salesman: Greetings, gentlemen. How may I help you today?

The respond that they want new cars.

Salesman: Very well. Answer me one question, and I shal...

I'm a doctor, and my old secretary was a cannibal. She always ate clients in the waiting room, and one day I caught her in the act.

I fired her then. For the longest time, she was trying my patience.

HR to a girl during an interview for the post of the secretary

HR: "what's the difference between a paperclip & a screw?

Girl: I don't know, I've never been paperclipped

A young doctor was just setting up his first office when he was told by his secretary that there was a man that wanted to see him.

The doctor wanted to make a good first impression by having the man think he was successful and very busy. He told his secretary to show the man in. At that moment, the doctor picked up the telephone and pretended to be having a conversation with a patient.

The man waited until the "conversa...

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

“Wow, that’s impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.”

"Oh, I know"...

I'm going to hire a secretary based on ability, not looks, this time.

I just need someone who can answer phones while I'm banging the hot one.


But he insisted it was just the invisible hand...

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My boss said you need sexual harassment training

I said I already know how to sexually harass people just fine, ask your secretary.

Amazed by the stunning beauty of their new secretary, two corporate executives resolved to make her adjustment to her new firm their personal business...

“It’s up to us to teach her the difference between right and wrong,” said the first executive. “Agreed,” exclaimed the second. “You teach her what’s right.”

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At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the Politician, "That she has a big mouth."

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How can you tell your blonde secretary is having a bad day?



After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.


"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi? Seco...

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A man gets hit by a bus, dies and goes to Hell..

Upon his arrival, he is greeted by Satan's secretary who begins to process his paperwork and give him the run down on what it's like for eternity.

Secretary: "Hell really isn't all that bad, buddy. We have themed daily activities to keep our residents occupied. Were you by any chance a drinke...

A political assassin, a cabinet secretary, and a narcissist walk into a bar

A political assassin, a cabinet secretary, and a narcissist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "The usual, Mrs. Clinton?"

Professional taster

In a winery in Napa Valley, California, a new wine tester has just died. The president of the company worriedly published the newspaper, looking for a replacement. A mysterious drunk, ragged clothes came to apply for a job. The employer wanted to kick him drunk and go away but still wanted to test ...

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A boss wanted to fuck his secretary

He calls her secretary and tells her that he wants to have sex with her, right here, in the office.

She denies by saying "it's not possible, somebody would notice them"

But the boss says "nobody will look. I'll make it quick" he says "i'll drop $500 to the floor and by the time she pic...

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"

He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

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A man calls his secretary...

A man calls his secretary, but the call goes to his boss instead. The man says “Hey! Get ur lazy ass up and bring me a damn coffee!” The boss, a firm believer in respect in the workplace, is outraged! She says “Listen here, sir! I am the manager of this company! Furthermore, I own this entire buildi...

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Usain Bolt goes to a golf club.

He goes to the desk and the secretary says: “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow blacks in our club. There is a club 10 minutes down the road that accepts black people.”

Usain goes berserk and yells: “Do you even know who I am? I’m Usain fucking Bolt!”

“Oh I’m sorry.” replies the secretary. ...

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Man goes to the doctors

he's having problems with premature ejaculation, the Doc says when you feel yourself coming you have to give yourself a fright and that will prolong ejaculation.


Well, not to good, we were in the 69 positio...


Husband embraced wife from behind, said : "I love you, honey."

The wife gigled and said : "What are you, Winnie the Pooh?"

The husband shocked and stood back, his eye is full of hurt and been betrayed

The wife noticed immediately and apologized : "I'm sorry, General secretary......

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Stalin's secretary hears one of his generals say "mean Mr Moustache"

She quickly runs into Stalins office and reports the words. Stalin thanks her, and calls for the general to be brought to him.

When the general arrives, Stalin sits him down and asks "I've received a report you said 'mean Mr Moustache'; is that correct?"

"Why yes comrade, it is." The g...

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

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A new hot secretary joined a company...

Two guys of this company start to speak about her:

"Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her"

So they start flirting with her.

One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him "So, how was it?" "Meh, my wife is better".



I was involved in very organized crime.

At the Washington Summit in 1987, US President Ronald Reagan asked Soviet General Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev in private if the rumored "Dead Hand" nuclear retaliation system really existed.

Gorbachev laughed and patted Reagan on the back, saying "no, comrade, is only blyat earth conspiracy."

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Confessing your sins [NSFW i guess]

He goes to the confessional and the priest asks him

P - What sins have you done, son?

S - I sinned, father, I went to send something to my sister in law and before going out it started raining, so i stayed in her house...

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A secretary received an expensive pen as a gift from her boss.

She sent him a "Thank You” note the following day.

The boss's wife read the note and filed for divorce.


[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...

a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.

A Soviet era joke





As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

"Honey, I have to confess something", said the husband on his deathbed

"...I have cheated on you multiple times with you best friend, your sister, my secretary and a side piece"

Wife: "Sshhh, it's okay babe. Just relax and let the poison work"

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

A secretary, a salesman, and their boss...

A secretary, a sales rep, and their boss are walking to lunch when  they find an antique oil lamp.


The secretary says, "I want to be in the B...

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A man was humping his secretary in his office up her ass when....

His wife walks in on them unannounced.


Man calmly replies"Right, that's why I am doing it to her".

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Andropov: "Approximately five million, Comrade."


Andropov: "Approximately 20 million, Comrade."

New secretary

Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out.

"How was it?" inquired Harry.

"Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."

A couple of weeks later, Harry took ...

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A little old lady walked into the National Bank & Trust... LONG

She walked up to the secretary of the president of the bank and asked to see him. The secretary told the bank president that there was a woman here to see him and he said to send her in.

Bank president says, "Well hello there madam, how may I help you today, do you need help with your acco...

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An old Soviet joke

Stalin invited General Zhukov into his office for a conference, and yells at him for 2 hours regarding the war's slow progress.

As Zhukov steps out of the office, he mutters under his breath, "that damn mustachioed son of bitch!"

Unfortunately, he is overheard by Stalin...

A doctors secretary walks into the doctors office and says " doctor there is an invisible man waiting for you" the doctor replies

" awe not again tell him I can't see him"

The Boss calls his secretary..

The boss calls his female secretary & says:"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."

The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so takecare of urself"

The husband calls his girlfriend & says:"My wife is g...

CEO asks the VP: “ Hey, have you been boning my new secretary?”

VP says: “No!”.

CEO: “Good, then YOU fire her.”

Boss tells his secretary:

\- Loise, it's the fifth time that you are late for work this week! What does that mean?!?

\- It means that it's Friday!

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A man calls his lawyer.

Man: "I need your help. My wife noticed something on my penis and suggested I call you."

Lawyer: "I think you meant to call your doctor."

Man: "It was my secretary."

A man walks into a doctor’s office...

A man walks into a doctor’s office.

He walks up to the registration desk and says, “I have a 1:30 appointment.”

“Awesome!” says the secretary. “Which doctor?”

“No,” the man goes. “The regular one.”

A ten-year-old boy called his school office and disguised his voice.

Speaking with as much baritone as he could muster he said, "Timmy Smith is very sick and he can't come to school today." The school secretary said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Who is this?" And the boy said, "This is my Dad."

Interview for a secretarial job

A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position.....He asked the same question to each one of them.
Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two?
First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't " .....Boss: "OK.. good!"
Second Girl: "one ...

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A male manager is assigned a state of the art, hot female looking robot secretary for the office...

...As he's being trained on the many features it has, he's told the robot will basically do anything he wants. He asks, anything? The installers reply, anything ;) and once they were done, they went onto other offices in the building to install more robots.

The manager instantly locks the doo...

The secretary at my dentist office told me "The waiting room is just to the left, make yourself at home."

I've been back there every night since then to watch Cops and eat Cheetos in my underwear.

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Doc, you gotta help me!

A man goes to the doctors and says "Doc, you gotta help me!"

The doctor says "What's your problem?"

The guy says "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'.. I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife who gi...

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Choosing a Secretary

A businessman decides that it is time to hire a new secretary and has it narrowed down to a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Unable to choose between the three of them, he decides to conduct an experiment. At the end of the day he places a five dollar bill on the ground in his office to see how ea...

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven

"Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" h...
