Justin Trudeau owns the Trump White House.

The Canadian prime minister was seemingly briefed on the fact that President Trump likes to give obnoxiously insecure handshakes to assert dominance over other powerful men, and came to Washington prepared. 

First, Trudeau beat Trump to the...pull.

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Then he mocked Trump’s weak, stubby hand.  

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Then he won over Trump’s daughter.

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After humiliating himself this thoroughly, a self-respecting president would allow Canada to annex the United States and enter self-imposed exile at Mar-a-Lago. Trump will wait until he’s alone with members of Congress to whine about a hand-shake rigging conspiracy and claim Ivanka was admiring Trudeau’s taste in Trump-branded menswear.