Why love based on friendship would work better than friendship based on love!

True love is first evolutionary, before it is revolutionary. Revolutionary love is the kind that takes your world by storm, sweeps you off your feet and turns your world right side up or upside down. When most of us claim we are looking for love, this romantic elixir is what we are yearning for.

The truth however is that even if you find revolutionary love, it seldom lasts, because it isn’t practically sustainable. What most of us fail to realize is that, the Hollywood directors, actors and romantic writers who have so publicized revolutionary love, won’t be struggling with their relationships, if they really understood what love was all about

The practical alternative to revolutionary love, is evolutionary love. This is the cool, calm, collected, procedural and gradual realization of your affection for someone, most likely a friend, that has being in your life all along. The reason why this works is because it is built on F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P.
Friendship not showmanship is the most realistic foundation for lasting love. Everything else is a farce. Unfortunately most of us turn down the opportunity to develop intimate love with our best friends, because we are blinded by overfamiliarity.

I am fully persuaded that one of the main reasons for marital delays is because people tend to ignore the evolutionary love within their grasp, in search of the revolutionary love beyond their grasp. How unfortunate this is! Notice I am not against revolutionary love in the least sense, all I am saying is that evolutionary love comes first. The only revolutionary love that lasts is the one that is built on the solid foundation of evolutionary love.

Why is friendship crucial to the evolution of your love life


We all know that it doesn’t take any effort to be yourself around your friends. The pressure to pretend isn’t present in the best of friendships. You seldom have to impress your friends, you’re just you around them. If you’re broke, angry or depressed, you won’t need to hide it from your friends. I am persuaded that this lack of authenticity is why many relationships fail. The desire and pressure to impress our lovers can be one of the most emotionally draining activities in love. You won’t have to do this, if you will simply settle for your friend.


This is one of the greatest antidotes to selfishness. When you settle for your friend in love, such a person would already have developed the habit over the years of acting in your best interest and habits die hard.Selfishness therefore can’t come natural to them, because they’ve spent most of their lives watching out for you and they are least likely to stop now that you’ve become their lover.


In other words you aren’t guessing who they are, you know who they are. When I was younger, marriage counsellors would warn me that, you don’t really know a person until you marry them. I always found that very disturbing. You mean I had to be guessing who my wife will be, and wait until marriage to discover who she really was?

That is senseless! What if she turns out to be the wrong person in marriage? Wouldn’t discovering her true nature after marriage mean I would be trapped with the wrong person for the rest of my life? So I married my best friend and discovered the marriage counsellors were dead wrong. There is nothing my wife is today, that she wasn’t when she was my friend. I can almost hear someone shout” but people change”. Well, not when you’ve been their best friend for over 15years.


Today the news is replete about celebrity breakups and divorces. One of these days, I will make a public statement on why they happen so often. One reason however is because they marry for their status, whereas the partner has to deal with their person. Once we faced the challenge of loosing all we had built over the years, and so I asked my wife if she was going to stay, if we lost it all? The fame, cars accolades and all. She told me she was into me as a friend before anything came along, and she was going to be with me, long after they were gone, if ever they were gone. That was so refreshing for me. You know what? We didn’t lose it all. Settle for your friend in love because they are bound to be there for you and with you, through the vicissitudes of life.

All of the above has made me an advocate of long friendships, short courtships and early marriages. Make up your mind to insist on an extensive and an intensive friendship before love. The resulting stability will guarantee fulfilment in your love life for decades to come.

About Onyeneke Abel


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