Monday, January 19, 2015

A Bit of #Research Behind the #Book: WHO R U REALLY?

Sometimes research is necessary to develop a plot or flesh out a character. I found this to be true when I was building the characters for my novel, WHO R U REALLY?.  

To better understand why the main character would fall for the wrong guy, I examined the psychology behind the “bad boy” syndrome. Often times, girls ignore warning signs and take unnecessary risks to feel loved by someone who is no good for them. I researched a lot of Psychology Today articles along with various professional studies, and the bottom line was: FEAR IS AN APHRODISIAC.

Yes. It. Is.

Some girls (and grown women) date men—love men—because they are dangerous.

Is it the thrill factor? Is it a self-esteem issue?

Many teenage girls lack self-esteem. It isn’t something you can GIVE to a person. Sure, it can be nurtured, but ultimately, self-esteem is something we must discover for ourselves. Most of us go through that learning phase as young women, but I know plenty of older women (including myself to a certain extent) who continue to struggle with self-esteem issues.

So if there’s an element of danger to the man who seems totally devoted to your every desire … does that boost your self-esteem? Does your ability to handle that danger further boost your self-esteem?

Or does self-esteem have nothing to do with it? Maybe it is simply the thrill factor alone.

Fear is an aphrodisiac.

Think about it. Some women have:
1. One night stands
2. Affairs
3. Fantasies of being with the bad boy
4. Flirt fests with the bouncer / linebacker / drug dealer / teacher / best friend's boyfriend / boss / etc.

These items involve an element of fear. Fear of your lover and the potential harm he could cause to you and/or your family.

But … let’s take it a step further and consider: Fear is also an aphrodisiac with a SAFE guy.

Seriously. Unless you're a rock, you have feelings. Feelings that could be dangerous if you trust the wrong person … or even the right person at the wrong time … or in the wrong place. Otherwise, why would people have sex in elevators, on airplanes, in libraries, in movie theaters? They do these things because they have become safe in their relationship, and they want to bring back some of the fear-aphrodisiac.

Even if you and your safe partner only have safe sex in a safe place, there can still be an element of fear. During sex you are exposing yourself more than at any other moment. If something, anything, goes wrong, your inner most core could be damaged. What could go wrong with a safe partner in a safe place? A lot of things. Use your imagination.

But … let’s take it even a step further and consider: Maybe it's not FEAR at all that is the actual aphrodisiac.

Maybe, in fact, it is TRUST.

Trust … that even though your boyfriend wants to drink your blood (if your name is Bella), you have faith that he loves you more than that blood-drinking-desire.

Or in the case of WHO R U REALLY? … trust that the guy on the other side of the Internet has been telling you the truth all along.

Or at your high school, when you trust that your football-playing-linebacker will leave his aggression on the field and never hit you.

Or growing old, when you trust that your safe-devoted-husband will never make fun of your ever-growing-love-handles.

Trust trumps fear.

That is the climactic aphrodisiac.

And that my dear sweet friends, is the simple research I did to help develop my characters.

Research is definitely a distraction ESSENTIAL when writing a manuscript.


What do you think … is fear an aphrodisiac?
[This is a simultaneous post with Uncommon YA. If you've not yet visited that awesome site - go check it out now!]


  1. Absolutely, been there and had the tee-shirt. Always asked to write the story of my life. I prefer to stick with writing my children's books, Margo, way to keep friends... :0)

  2. I can't comment on the psychology - although it does ring true - but I agree absolutely with the need to research those important aspects of your writing, whatever happens to be relevant to your story. Odd coincidence...I've been posting about research recently, too :)