On the Fate of Brooms

  • Broom #1: Discovered on the fourth side of the fence–the porch wraps around here, and I didn't think of looking in this nook initially. I was very excited to locate this broom, until I realized it had been watered thoroughly with the hose…while it was sitting in the dirt…
  • Broom #2: After enough of my children drug their behinds out of bed yesterday, I started interrogations, and my thirteen year old explained that he was trying to enter the under-construction garage the night before without letting the cat in; he needed the broom in order to poke said cat out long enough to pull the door shut. The cat really is a psycho; he will not be deterred from his intended course. I spent two hours the other morning just trying to keep the thing off my lap/shoulders/out of my hair. When I refused to stare into his eyes, nose to nose, which is what he demanded and never tired of, and it really freaked me out (have you ever breathed recycled cat air for an extended period of time?), the thing began stalking my hands. I tried to hide them under my book, but he'd head butt his way under there and bat at them; I tried hiding them under my armpits–he squeezed between me and the chair and bit my fingertips. I'd just gotten out of the shower, too. (Maybe cats like soap?) I finally broke a vine off the fence and swung it around randomly while I studied. He never got tired of attacking it. This broom was returned temporarily to me,  and has since disappeared again. I'm thinking maybe we just need a cat stick.
  • Broom#3: Still missing. I'm inclined to buy into P.S.'s theory, that it's buried under the bark somewhere–we've permanently lost several shoes and possibly a telephone to that pit. No children, yet. Although, I did catch a child using it as a litter box, if you will. After several episodes of this, I began to duct tape the child's diaper on. This only works if you wrap the tape all the way around the child's body at least twice, by the way. I know, I know, the fact that she could accomplish this feat screams "potty train me!!!" but she isn't here regularly enough for me to really jump on that wagon. We tried, we failed, we taped.

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11 responses to “On the Fate of Brooms

  • Emmi

    OMG, well at least the brooms can be considered multitaskers. On the up side, if you ever get stranded in a forest, your kids seem capable of putting almost anything to good use!
    About your cat, it's kind of amusing. I've had friends who had psycho cats, they seem to be in abundance these days. I'm a cat behavoirist on the side if you ever need to bounce ideas off me to make the cat act, um, normal. LOL!

  • Kimmers

    A squirt water bottle should do the trick. (Well, being psycho and all, maybe she'll like it!)As for the duct tape… You're awesome!

  • Ladywise

    Duct taped diapers! That is hilarious! You never cease to amaze me with the kids! I'm so happy you found the brooms. Did you get to sweep yet? I think you need to invest in a very heavy vacuum that will do bare floors. (Too heavy for the kids to be able to cart off and electric so it doesn't go outside maybe?)

  • Flamingo Dancer

    LIfe really is an adventure around your house isn't it!

  • Kimber

    Okay, Cat Behaviorist: What is up with the cat wanting to put his nose against the bridge of mine and stare into my eyes? He'll climb up my shirt if I'm sitting, and even tries to climb my jeans when I'm standing, and the goal always seems to be my face. You'd think I used tuna-oil as facial cream or something.

  • Kimber

    A squirt water bottle does a lot of tricks, around here–not usually ones I'm fond of…

  • Kimber

    Ha! I actually did that–vacuumed instead of swept–the crap on the floor reached critical mass before I located the cat broom. I have a vacuum just like you described. The broom is just easier to wield, and less dangerous with little ones that like to chase/attempt to feed the vacuum in action.

  • Ladywise

    May the Lord Bless you abundantly for what you go through Kimber! 🙂

  • Emmi

    I'd need to know a bit more about your cutie feline, (I should poke around for photos / posts here), but here are 3 guesses:
    1. Simple hunger. There was a really funny University of Sussex study which played different purrs to cat owners. The one that cats used when they were hungry, were percieved by people to be much more overbearing and annoying. So domestic cats have evolved strategies to motivate humans.
    Point being, if he's hungry, he may just act like a jerk until you feed him. If you feed him and he's noticably more mellow afterwards, it's probably that.
    2. How old is he? Cats reach sexual maturity around 6 months, but at age 4 or 5 they reach social maturity, where they begin to take charge, very different than dogs but this can still involve territorial issues, jealousy or "demanding" affection.
    This one is complicated, and it's why our cat Watson is on Prozac. We used to call him "Eddie" (from Frasier) because he constantly stared at me and would not let me hug my boyfriend. Later, he began to attack the older cat, Ives. Watson had just turned 4 when this happened.
    3. Last one, if you got him at a later age, he may have been poorly socialized and he doesn't know very good boundaries.

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