February 14, 2017
How I Handled My Breakup Like a Boss

Breaking up is never easy, but here are five ways to come out of it stronger.

by Larasati M.

It has been two months since I broke up with my ex, and I would like to brag just a little.

I'm dealing with the breakup quite well.

Considering the relationship had once shown potentials for a long term union, I was initially worried that the breakup would bring me down rather badly. Our romance was generally fine, then one day we got distant to the point where communication became a luxury. People say "it's not distance that keeps people apart, but a lack of communication." That's how my relationship ended.

There were some teary nights thereafter, and that fear of I'm-gonna-get-old-with-only-two-cats-as-company still creeps in every once in a while. But I'm generally ok, determined to just move on with life.

In retrospect, I wouldn't have felt this way if it weren't for the followings:

1. People giving me space.
My inner circle knew of my unfortunate ending through a simple text message "it's over, I can't talk much, will tell you when I'm ready."  To which they replied "I'm sorry, stay strong, here if you need me". And that was it.

2. Surrounding myself with positive people.
No one said bad things about the ex to make you feel good about initiating the breakup. Friends and family didn't preach about holding on to the relationship just because you're almost 40 and, oh, who knows maybe you had run out of chances to meet THE ONE. No toxic conversations that triggered anger and regret. Just love and light to remind you of the colorful, funny world we live in.

3. Acknowledging I'm sad while keeping the drama away from display.
I’m pretty good at hiding sadness. But now I've decided that I'd be more open about my feeling sad. I shall NOT let myself think that showing sadness to people means that you're weak. Have a big heart to admit that this breakup sucks, like, BIG time, and then continue with life. It's not like the earth will stop moving just because you’re turning single.

4. Dissociating places/moments with the ex.
Many memories were built over three years. It's hard not to think about the many trips made with/for the ex when you're in airports or train stations. Certain rituals are skipped because it's too painful to do without the ex. Eventually, the relationship is not the only thing you lost. So now I've learned to remember other happy things that took place alongside the ex, and chosen to match that "other happy things" with a particular moment or place. Damn difficult exercise, but it gets easier with time.

5. Keeping awareness of the good times with the ex.
Because after all, I did have fun and learned good things from the ex. It was a good relationship until communication ceased to exist. I would've remained cynical about romance if it weren't for the ex.  DAMN YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART! But thank you for all the good times.

So, there, the list of five things that keep me together.

This February I expect no "Happy Valentine, B" message coming my way. Ah, well. This too, shall pass. I'll just ask those people mentioned on the first item of this list to make space for me this time round.

Larasati M. communicates for a living and lives to communicate the humor of life. She is an avid Bhinneka Tunggal Ika believer and trusts that love knows no boundaries.