Running from the Law: New Mommy Confessions - Part 9

Thursday, December 13, 2012

New Mommy Confessions - Part 9

Today I have two St. Louis bloggers sharing their juiciest confessions.  Jessica has the added benefit of being one of my best friends.  She's a lawyer turned scientist turned domestic engineer (aka stay at home mama).  You've seen her gorgeous toddler, Julia, on the blog before (HERE and HERE).  She's a supermom and after reading her confession, you'll understand why we get along so well.  And Liz is a soon-to-be new friend that I'm dying to have a glass of wine and a giant slice of cake with and discuss all things baby.  Thank you ladies for contributing!  

Jessica from Candle by Candle

~ There is spit-up (I think) on my Coach purse. I noticed it a week ago but haven't bothered to clean it up yet. And only if it's really bad do I consider baby pee a reason to change my clothes.

~ I cloth diaper part-time, and I'll tell you I'm really happy I'm doing it, but it's just Stockholm Syndrome. I spent all this money on these (admittedly adorable) cloth diapers, and now I'm stuck justifying the up-front cost. Notice how no one ever says, "We tried cloth diapering but it wasn't for us?" Yeah - we're all just trying to convince ourselves that we love washing poopy diapers because it's too late to get our money back.

~ I never sterilize anything anymore. Ever. Once in a blue moon I'll toss a toy into the dishwasher if it like, falls out of my car in a parking lot. So, I guess I'm saying, I'll give my infant anything cleaner than a toy that's been run over by a car.

~ Sometimes, I ask my husband to watch the girls after dinner so I can do the dishes, then I stand in the kitchen and eat candy instead.

~ I totally eat my children's leftovers. Half-chewed chicken? Waffles with the butter and syrup licked off? Apple smeared with ketchup? I hit all that. And then I blame them for it: nursing metabolism - can't help it.

~ I drink wine every. single. night. And not just one glass.

~ It is all I can do to have marriage-maintenance sex with my husband once a week, if that.

~ Both my children poop out a RIDICULOUS amount of dog hair.  And last week, my infant pooped out a sticker!!  It was too embarrassing to post on Facebook, but not embarrassing enough to not text several of my friends. I think a few people got a good chuckle, and I think everyone assumed the infant found the sticker on the floor or was given one by the toddler.  Not so. What I didn't tell anyone was that I knew exactly where she had gotten the sticker. A few days before, she was fussing, I was making dinner, and I threw the closest "won't kill the baby" thing I had at her. And that was a sheet of stickers. True story.

* As someone who used to gag at the thought of drinking after someone, I can't believe that I'm able to pick boogers and wipe up spit-up and poop without so much as batting an eye. Parenthood is disgusting, but I'm dealing better than I thought I would!

* I kiss my son AT LEAST 100 times a day. No exaggeration. It's a miracle I haven't squeezed him to death. 

* I can't watch the news anymore. Local news especially freaks me out. There are so many horrible things that happen in this world and now that I'm a parent, I'm just so much more sensitive to that stuff. So I just don't watch it and try to live the happiest, safest life I possibly can. It goes against my need to keep up on the latest happenings in the world, but I just can't deal. 

* Speaking of the news though, do you know how sometimes you hear stories about parents doing stupid things, like leaving their child in the car while they run into a gas station? And then their car gets stolen with the baby inside? I used to hate on those parents. I'd shake my head and judge them for making such a stupid mistake. But now that I'm a parent? All I can think about is how awful they must feel. How one careless moment where the odds of something terrible happening are slim, and yet, it happens. My heart aches for them. And the last thing they need is a bunch of strangers shaming them for their mistake. 

* I think my baby is the cutest baby in the world but when other people tell me how cute he is (i.e. cuter than the average baby) I think they're just being nice.  I mean, how is someone supposed to know when they should start taking the baby modeling comments seriously? 

* My husband and I are pretty potty-mouthed. Profanities are just part of our regular vocabulary. I'm not proud of it, but we can't seem to break the habit yet either. Thank goodness we've still got about a year before D really starts repeating us. 

* Another bad habit? Nakedness. Me, not the hubs. After I get out of the shower in the morning, it takes me at least a half an hour before I like to put on clothes. And I'm worried that at some point, I'm going to need to be a bit more prudish in this department around the baby. I know I still have time for this, but regardless, I'm not looking forward to it. I've grown accustomed to the freedom I have to wear (or not wear) what I want in my house.

Catch up on the rest of the New Mommy Confessions series:


  1. Yay!! Also, I think all THREE of us should get together for a glass of wine to talk about Jessica's sex confession because, um, yeah. Right there with ya, sister.

  2. I love these! I want to make a confession though I'm only two months in so I'm sure my confession isnt quite a 'confession'.


  3. I died laughing at Jessica's sticker incident. Oh the things to look forward to!

  4. These are awesome. Great posts!! I agree many aspects of parenthood are disgusting. Poop, boogers, and barf are not things I wanted to be this involved with!

  5. HAAAAAAAAAAA! I am DYING absolutely DYING over these - all of them, yes yes yes I am right there with you ladies! The marriage maintenance sex is the best of all. So, so, sadly true. What happened to those early days of having sex multiple times a day? Oh dear God what a faint memory that is. Please tell me this gets better at some point? The sticker story rocks my world :) xoxoxo Love you ladies, all of you!!!

  6. love the dog hair and nudity confessions!

  7. My daughter pooped a sticker..... I am literally STILL laughing, 10 minutes later!!!

  8. Ohhhh my gosh. So fricken good!!! They get better and better with each new post.

  9. These are awesome!! The hair...nudity all crack me up!! A couple of weeks ago I found a pine needle in Eli's diaper--talk about roughage.

  10. I never sterilize anything! HAHAH