Wednesday, June 17, 2009

11/12's of a year old!

Dear Seth,

Today, you're 11 months old.

Wow. I can't even believe that. 11 months is awfully, frighteningly close to a year old.

A year old!

My baby boy...


Making the leap from infant to young toddler, before my eyes. I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday, my best friend Mara and I were walking downtown on the 4th of July, cursing the traffic, cursing the heat. She was on high stress alert, very concerned that I would go into labor right then and there, before the shower she had poured her blood, sweat, and tears into could happen.

Luckily, you're an accommodating little guy, and you waited. You waited until after my beautiful baby shower, until five days later, and then you decided that enough was enough. As I'm beginning to learn, you make things happen when you want them to happen, and that's all there is to it. I was 34 weeks, and I was getting ready to head out to a pool play date with Mara and our friend Lanie and all of our kids, but you had other plans.

As I stood in the bathroom, taking stock of what was definitely amniotic fluid pooling around me, I called out to my mom in an overly calm voice, asking her to get around to head to the hospital. I called the Doctor and he said to get there 5 minutes ago. I texted Mara.

My water broke, I can't come to the playdate. 

She called me right away, her voice high pitched and quick. "What happened? I'm coming to the hospital." Her voice sounded the same way it did the day I called her from the hospital to tell her Eli's heart had stopped.


But you? Your heart had not stopped. I heard it immediately, chugging along,  as the nurses rushed me right through triage and into a room, right past all the other laboring women waiting for a room. They didn't even let me change...they got you on the monitors first. Apparently, you get really good service in L & D when your last baby died on their watch.

This time, there was no talk of waiting and seeing, no preventing labor until 35 full weeks, even if water was broken. This time, everyone wanted that baby, you, out. Now. Preferably sooner. But you took your time, and you waited until we were able to see who won So You Think You Can Dance and I was completely convinced that I was never going to make it to 10 centimeters, and then you decided it was time.


It all happened so quickly, and so slowly. The doctor stood back, and no one was around me, and everyone was around me. They were there, but it was just me and you. My doctor gave me free reign to push or not push whenever I wanted. In fact, at that point there were no monitors on at all. I remember feeling shocked as I felt you slip down the birth canal, and in fact, on the video, I am very quiet and then I say "Oh my Gosh!" Then, quickly, two pushes, and you were here. You took your sweet time to cry, but you did, and then we were all crying, and laughing, our family  and our friends and my doctor, who also cried when he delivered your brother Eli. Then you were on my chest, breathing. So much like your brother. So different.


It was all downhill from there, of course. But that's not important now. It was a beautiful birth, and you were a beautiful baby. That's what everyone kept saying at the NICU team checked you out. "He's so cute! I mean, really, he is SO cute!" And you were a beautiful newborn. A beautiful baby. And now, you're turning into a beautiful boy.

But as handsome a boy as you are becoming, what is more beautiful to me is your kind spirit. It just exudes from you, in your easy smiles and your delightful dimples. You are a bundle of joy, alright, smiling as soon as you wake up and screaming in laughter much more often than you cry in frustration. You've had more than your share of difficulties, Seth, and many things that have happened in this past eleven months overwhelm me even when I think of them today. But you powered through it all with such grace and aplomb that there is not a single, solitary person who would every think of you as disabled or challenged, or anything less than perfect.

You have rewritten all of my definitions, the things I thought I knew. You have taught me so much in 11 short to deal with trial by fire, to have grace in immeasurable difficulty, and how healthy and normal are words that mean nothing at all. What words do mean something? Heart. Drive. Courage. Love.

You have all of those in spades, even as a baby. Your life won't be easy. No one's is. But if you continue as you are going, you will keep changing people's opinions. You will teach people what God and technology can do together, hand in hand. You will make many, many people proud.

You already have.

I love you, Bubby. 


Laura said...

What a wonderful post, E! Seth is an amazing and gorgeous little boy! Time flies much too quickly!

WendyCarole said...

Happy 11/12 day you handsome boy.

Emily said...

just precious. Time flies so quickly...

Jen said...

Happy 11/12th's birthday to Seth!

Jennifer W. said...

Beautiful words. Seth is as blessed to have you for his mom as you are to have him for a precious baby boy! Your faith is beautiful.

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

Happy 11/12th B'Day Big Boy :-)

kay said...

This is lovely. Seth is such a little prince!

E @ Scottsville said...

Man, 11 months ALREADY? Where DOES the time go?

Eh, it sure goes by fast. My baby is NINE YEARS OLD! Ugggh, that makes me OLD!

Julie said...

He is the cutest thing ever!!!!

Sonya said...


Anonymous said...

Ahhhhh you made me cry! What a beautiful post for such an amazing little boy. Gosh - he's gorgeous and so perfect! I can't wait to meet him some day!

Seth, you are only 11 months old and I can't even fathom the number of people whose lives have been touched by you! For some, it takes years - decades even - to overcome life changing obstacles and still remember to smile at the start of each day... I just know your heart is so full of love for your family and most importantly, your mom and dad. You are a lucky little guy and I'm so happy your sweet mama gives us the privilege of watching you grow!

Sarah & Sully

Madison Sanders said...

That same courage he has now will follow him in to childhood and beyond. I can't wait to read about it.

I agree- he does have delightful dimples.

Shanda said...

Beautiful El! Seth is just so completely adorable. What a gift he is in your family's life.


Cathy said...

Perfect. I know someday this will be a treasure for him to read and know how much he was loved.

Rose said...

What a sweet, sweet post for a sweet, sweet boy.

Lanie said...

Mara and I stood in our everywhere...held hands and prayed. Thank you God for Seth:)

Shaye said...

This was beautiful.I just found your site and will pray for your family and seth's journey and his already awesome endurance! God is good... and I am inspired by your faith to keep on trucking. Thank you for documenting your story. God's kindom is thankful too..

Anonymous said...

All I can say is awww

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