McGan's Meditations
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McGan's Meditations
Looking to the past...

Archaeologists dig through artefacts and study them, placing great value on the things that they discover. Most of it is broken stuff that they painfully put back together. What if all this stuff was just trash? It could be just inexpensive, dollar store type things, presents that didn't require a lot of thought, gifts from family or friends that lived far away...

“What is this? A vase or something? It's hideous. I don't want this. What did you get?”
“Looks like some kind of cheap tool or something. Lousy craftsmanship. It's junk. I don't know what they were thinking. I'm throwing it out. They'll never know, they live five-hundred miles away.”
“Get rid of this vase for me while you're at it. Bury it all out back.”

Everything we think we know about different civilizations could be wrong. And I've often wondered if archaeologists ever find shovels. Like, maybe some guy hundreds or even thousands of years ago was digging at the same site for artefacts, and eventually gave up. “This is stupid. My back is killing me, I have a headache... I quit.”

Abner Doubleday was long considered the father of what we know as baseball. Now it seems that baseball goes back a lot farther than old Abner. It goes back to around 2400 B.C. and ancient Egypt! Archaeologists have found that inside some of their digs, there are hieroglyphic references to ball batting activity - batting averages and other stats no doubt. Also, there are drawings depicting an ancient Pharaoh about to take a swing at a ball he is tossing up in the air. Several drawings show figures catching balls, and other drawings seem to depict players scratching their groins, and trainers dispensing performance enhancing drugs to leading players.

Based on what has been uncovered to this point as far as these drawings, or “reliefs” as they are called, there is no pitcher in the game. Maybe his arm got sore, he left to get a rub down and there was no replacement yet on the field. Perhaps he'll turn up in some future drawing they'll find. Either way, we can only guess that the “relief” pitcher is still in the dig-out.

Sports were obviously big in ancient civilizations. Egypt had baseball, and Rome had, among other things, chariot racing. This was an early version of NASCAR. The chariots would race around a track, there were crashes, they kept track of the laps, the winner was honoured in the middle of the track after the race and given a wreath of victory while wine was sprayed on them and they posed for sketches with scantily clad models.

Here is an ancient CXPN interview with a leading chariot driver:
“Lavarius, for the people that don't follow chariot racing that closely, please tell us about yourself.”
“Well, I'm a chariot driver and two time Circus Maximus Olive Wreath Champion.”
“And who do you drive for?”
“Lepidian's Winery”
“The burgundy coloured, number XXIV chariot.”
“That's right Probius.”
“Next week the big race is at Bononia. There's not a lot of straight track there. It must seem like you're in the turns the whole race. Do you approach that smaller track any different?”
“Not really, Probius. We might slow things down and go with less horse power, drop from four down to two horses that handle better in the turns, move the axle back a bit to hold the track, but the chariot is really rolling pretty good at this point and I don't see the smaller track being a problem.”
“Alright. Good luck, Lavarius.”
“Thanks, Probius.”

...and remember, be careful what you bury, several thousand years from now someone might be taking it all very seriously. :)

Michael McGan - 9th October 2010

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