Monday, July 25, 2016

The Pact

The Pact is a good 30 minutes of film wrapped up in an additional hour of boring bullshit. There’s a sister and a babysitter (I think) that do nothing for the overall plot. Casper Van Dien is in this as your favorite father/cop. This film is very competently made, maybe a little too much makeup on the actors, but good. I will say that there’s a scene near the end where they cut the screen down the middle with a wall that was very good.

Anyway, this is a great movie to watch if you have a lazy Sunday and want to watch an interesting story that takes too long to get to the point.

The last 20 minutes are the only bits worth watching.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Dark Space

This is a movie that makes no sense. I mean, it tries, it tries really hard to make sense…but it doesn’t. Honestly I’m not really sure how to describe this thing other than a mix of every single sci-fi trope that you can throw at a film and have it not stick.

None of the characters are really fleshed out, the acting is terrible, the set design is literally spray painted garbage cans from Walmart. I really wanted to see some boobs, but alas, none.

Every scene lasted twice as long as it should have. The “tension” is so forced and you don’t feel it ever. “alien vision” was dumb and a bad way to not show the monster.

Here’s the full movie.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Avengers Grimm

An Asylum Joint.

It’s fairy tale princesses fighting Rumpelstiltskin in 90 long boobless minutes. Casper Van Dien is Rumpy playing super creepy. Snow White is wearing some bodice that is almost completely see through. Lou Ferrigno plays IRON JOHN (i.e. silver hulk). No one says Cinderella’s name for at least an hour, and for some reason she has purple hair.

I did not enjoy this movie at all. You will not enjoy this movie at all. No one will enjoy this movie. I don’t think they enjoyed making this movie. I am going to nix any Asylum movie from now on because it seems like they’re all going to be duds.

Search for Bad Netflix on iTunes.

Ok, here’s the Recap:

And here’s the watch-along stream:

Monday, July 4, 2016

American Dreamz

Dreams with a Z...its in the song, yes there’s a song called American Dreamz in the movie called American Dreamz.

So we are doing something a little different this week, we are doing two separate blogcasts. The original voice-over version where we watch the movie, and a second 5-10 minute recap of the film so you can hear our lovely voices and our opinions without having to actually watch the damn thing.

This movie has everything
·         Dennis Quaid as George W; which was terrible
·         Willem Dafoe as Cheney; which was amazing that they got him in a fat suit but also terrible
·         Marcia Gay Harden as the first lady; which was dumb and their ending was DUMB
·         Chris Klien SINGS!
·         This is probably the best Hugh Grant can do these days
·         Jennifer Coolidge completely underutilized as the mom
·         Seth Meyers as the talent agent (also unterutilized because a Meyers/Coolidge make-out scene would have been amazing)
·         John Cho and Judy Greer shine in their small parts, wish there was more of them
·         All the Riza's were good, just hate the terrorist angle
·         Oh and Mandy Moore can play a total bitch perfectly

Some things I didn’t mention in the recap that I really wanted to (but forgot).
·         For a show where they’re getting 92% of EVERY DEMOGRAPHIC you think their stage would be a little bit bigger than it was.
·         Why did it take over an hour for a movie called American Dreamz to get to the actual part of the movie that was American Dreamz??
·         Dennis Quaid ends up in a bedroom full of books and newspaper’s hoarder style but there is no sense of time passed so like…how long has that man been in his PJs?
·         Hugh Grant was supposed to be the Simon of American Dreamz but he’s the only judge, how did they not get like two or three other people to sit up there with him??

At the end of the movie everything “works out” for everyone and it makes no sense. I really wish they would have focused on more of the show aspect of the movie because that’s the story I actually liked. The fact that the whole American Dreamz contest was basically a montage was shit. This thing should have been a solid 3 stars if they had dropped the president and focused on the contestants Drop Dead Gorgeous style.