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Petunia looked down at the letter in her hand. She really was hoping it wasn't going to arrive. "It's here." She entered the kitchen. "Owl delivered it too. How they expect to keep the magical world hidden when they send owls to muggle houses during the day I will never understand." She handed Harry the letter.

"Can't we ignore it?" Harry was sitting in his normal seat at the breakfast table. He laid the letter down. He didn't want to take a chance that something might be attached to the letter. After all, they knew what witches and wizards could do. They read the books Harry's parents had left behind. "They aren't exactly bright, we have seen that."

"It's a valid thought, Pet. We can ignore it. We have been ignoring that watcher he put on our street." Vernon was glossing over the newspaper. "Pet, can we send it back via muggle mail?" They had ignored all the people bowing to Harry when they saw him on the street.

"Oh, I know, let's write return to sender, address unknown." Dudley had seen it on the telly. "We could write dead on it."

"Just burn it." Harry would be willing to admit to being a bit of a pyro. "Dud, we have lessons in an hour. You ready to get a beat down?"

"In your dreams." Dudley retorted. The boys were working on getting their black belts in martial arts as well as taking kickboxing classes.


"What in the world?" Petunia had to force the front door opened. There were mounds of letters in the hall. She had been running errands while the boys were at one of their friend's house. They had picked up dinner on the way home.

"That old man is certifiable. May we burn them now?" Harry gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"Yes. Your Uncle will enjoy burning them too. Gather them up." She began to think of ways to send a message to that daffy headmaster.

"Hey Har, maybe we can make a pile of them and jump into them as we do with leaves." Dudley suggested. "Save the fire for when Dad arrives. You know he will want to see it."


"Vernon, what is that noise?" Petunia asked. They were at their hunting cabin in the woods and heard a loud banging noise.

Vernon rose out of bed and grabbed his rifle, loading it. Petunia pulled out her own handgun. He headed down the stairs with Petunia right behind him. They were going to go past the room the boys were sleeping in, only to find them loading their own rifles. "Good boys." He quietly said. He wasn't sure who was pounding on their door but it was too loud to be friendly.

The four of them made their way down the stairs and when the cabin door was blown in they opened fire on the huge man who tried to enter their cabin. The man screamed out in pain and took off. "Must have been one of them." Everyone else knew not to bother them on their hunting trips.

"They ruined Harry's birthday hunting trip." Dudley was very upset about it. This was a yearly tradition for each of the boys' birthdays during the summer.

"Well, the bright side is they might not try again." Harry hoped that they would get the message soon. It was getting annoying with all the owls and letters.

"Boys, go and get the tools. I will find a tarp. We need to put that door back up before we head back to bed." Vernon started giving orders. "Ruined my door. I am going to send them a bill. We spent hours crafting that."

"I will put on some hot chocolate. It's a bit nippy out." Petunia headed to the small kitchen area as the boys headed out to the tool shed. They had built the cabin so they knew where the tools were. It had been the family project for a few years. They had started out in tents, went to a camper, and finally their own cabin.


Petunia was outside, talking with a neighbor on the sidewalk. She was hearing about all the weird things that had been happening on the street while they were away. All the owls, people dressed weird, and strange sounds of cars backfiring. "We even had to call the police while you were away. They arrested a really old man with a long white beard. He was dressed in some freaky clothes and a woman who was his wife. They dressed like they were in the 1800s. They were trying to convince the police that they knew you."

"I wonder if they were committed?" Petunia hoped so. She wondered what a muggle doctor would think of wizards. She knew they would make sure the old man was medicated.

"I'm not sure but that cat lady seemed chummy with them." No one in the area trusted the cat lady. She was always collecting strange cats and had an unhealthy obsession with the Dursley family who avoid her at all costs.

"That is scary." Petunia took a sip from her tea mug, ok, ok, it was really Irish Coffee. She had a slight smile on her face. "Have the police increased their patrols?" Normally, the policed patrolled this area heavily. The police were always trying to find something on their family.

"Yes, but a few of the neighbors want to hire someone to walk around at night. Personally, I say we let your sister-in-law's dogs take care of those weirdos." Petunia liked that idea. She would mention it to Vernon and Marge.

"Aunt Petunia, phone." Harry yelled out the door. "Hi, Mrs. Meadows."

"Afternoon, Harry. Are you going to come over and fix my shed door for me?"

"Already did it this morning. It should be fine." Harry and Dudley perfected the boy next door image. The Dursley family was the picture of normal.

"You know, I don't know how you do it. Two boys, and so well raised, unlike that group of hooligans."

Petunia knew who she meant Piers Polkness and his rat friends. His little gang had tried to beat up Harry when he was six. She inwardly smirked, tried was the keyword. "I got very lucky. Vernon takes such an interest in their lives so that does help." Not to mention, the boys had a lot of aunts and uncles who watched out for them.


Harry opened the door, stared at the two men on their front steps. One was the old guy he heard his aunt describe to them, the other was a man who's sneer could curdle milk. Harry wanted to copy that look. "Aunt Petunia, door." He knew they were wizards and he had no interest in them.

"Who could be visiting at this hour?" Petunia came out of the kitchen. She was in the middle of preparing tomorrow's lunch for Vernon. She was wiping her hands on a dishtowel and froze. "Great. It's them." Sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"We aren't interested." Harry closed the door. He did enjoy the look of shock on the old guy's face and the hint of amusement in the younger one. Clearly, the old one wasn't used to being refused.

They were in the process of turning around when the bell rang again. "You know he is going to be annoying until he speaks to you. He is also going to try and force you to go to that school." Petunia wondered what it would take to get rid of the old coot.

Harry grinned. "Auntie, I have a wonderful idea. If they want me so much, how about I go and make them force me out? If I get expelled from there, no one will know in our world."

"It should work Pet, get them out of our hair. We don't need them interfering with our business either." Vernon stated from the sitting room. The bell rang again. "I will work a deal out with them."


Severus Snape wanted to laugh. He honestly had never seen a group of muggles get one over on the Headmaster. They had him over a barrel and they knew it. At first, he had been insulted having a door slammed in his face, he was a bit amused by it too. No one ever denied Albus anything. When Harry Potter, of all people, pulled the ultimate Slytherin move, he was glad he had been talked into this visit.


"So, you want me to go to this school? What's in it for me?" Harry asked. They had spent the last twenty minutes listening to Albus Dumbledore go on about the magical world, how important it was for him to learn to control his magic. He explained about accidental magic and how Harry needed to learn to control his.

"Well, your parents have arranged for your education. It's all paid for. They even provided a trust vault for you. I have the key here."

"Why do you have his key?" Vernon asked. "We haven't seen you since the night you dropped him off on the steps. You didn't even ring our bell to let us know. You haven't provided any funds for his needs." Not that Vernon wanted money for raising Harry but he should have been told. Money needs to be watched carefully. Invested in the right places to allow it to grow, to work for you, instead of you working for money.

"Yes, well, I was entrusted with the key. I will give it to Harry when he starts Hogwarts."

"If I didn't go to Hogwarts would you have given me my key or told me about my vault?" He wondered why he didn't mention who gave him the key.

"Vaults." Severus was enjoying this. Harry Potter certainly wasn't like his father. He could see Lily's quick thinking and intelligence.

Vernon glared. "I want a full accounting of his assets. If anything is missing, I will file a lawsuit." He already knew which lawyer he would use. Malfoy mentioned the lawyer to him when they were discussing some magical contracts. While Vernon wasn't magical, Marge was.

"I can assure you, everything is in order. If Harry comes to Hogwarts, I will keep managing his accounts, and his seats. When he comes of age, I can start to instruct him on what he needs to do. He is still a bit young to start those lessons now."

Severus knew his face betrayed the shock of that statement. "Mr. Dumbledore, you will have everything in my hands by tomorrow night. All the keys, all the accounting, all the information required for Harry to know or I will be speaking to someone in your government. What did James and Lily say the name of their bank was?" Vernon was furious. This old man was using his nephew's seats as his own voice. He was going to put a stop to that. He would have to speak to Marge about going to that bank and seeing what needed to be done.

"I don't remember but it's written down. I have their information in the safe." Petunia knew Vernon and the boys weren't going to mention Marge and why. What the old man didn't know was more protection for them.

"We will need to get it from the bank tomorrow." Vernon was already rescheduling his day. He would make a call to Marge tonight and together the family would visit that bank. He was going to demand answers and Dumbledore better hope nothing fishy was happening or he would be sleeping with the fishes.

"I will have everything sent over. Now, in regards to Harry's attendance." Dumbledore really didn't like how this was going but he needed Harry and he also needed to delay the Dursley's visit to Gringotts in the process.

"I don't want to go. I want to go to Smelting with Dudley." Harry eyed the old dude. He was desperate, it was clear on his face.

Severus saw something in the boy's face and knew he was working on something. He also realized the boy was no Gryffindor. There was no way he was going to follow any plan that Dumbledore was going to produce.

"You will get a complete magical education at Hogwarts. Connect with other young wizards and witches your own age. Learn how to wield your power."

"Not seeing the appeal." Harry replied. "I have a lot of friends here and when we go to Smelting, we can connect with others." Really that was the what he was trying to push about Hogwarts? What about academic skill? Classes? Programs? What made Hogwarts so great?

"Don't you want to learn magic? How to control it?" Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling away.

"I will tell you what, I will go to your school." Dumbledore's face light up. Harry wanted to snort, he really thought it was going to be that easy? "However, there are going to be a few things I require. I want to start this education concerning my family vaults now. I want to be able to return home every other weekend, family business. I want to learn about these wizards customs. I see in the list of course you offer, you have muggle studies, well, I want wizard studies since I don't know anything about being a wizard, their customs, or ways. I want to be able to keep up with my out of school activities."

"That is a bit much. I understand the desire to learn and we can work on that. However, every other weekend isn't possible." Dumbledore needed Harry to stay at Hogwarts as much as possible, he needed the boy to depend on him, to listen to his advice.

"Fine. Nice meeting you." Harry answered. "Dud, how about tomorrow we go shopping with Mrs. Meadows and Eddie?"

"Sure. Eddie mentioned his cousin wanted to come too. He is going into his second year so he will be able to tell us if we need more than what is on the school list." Dudley grinned. He knew what his cousin was doing. Ask for a lot and work your way to what you truly want out of a deal.

"Let me show you to the door. Please don't return. If you do, I will call the police for harassment." Petunia stood up.

"Mr. Potter, perhaps we can work out a deal." Dumbledore grasped at straws.

After a lot of back and forth, Harry got his way, except for every other weekend, it was one weekend a month. He got a wizard studies class for all incoming first-years and Vernon demands for everything related to the Potter estate was fulfilled.


Severus grinned. He hoped Dumbledore wasn't expecting the Potter boy to be in Gryffindor, the boy was pure Slytherin. There wasn't anything Gryffindor about the boy. He looked at the old man as they were walking back to Hogwarts. "Albus?"

"Sorry, was lost in thought." At Severus' questioning looked, Dumbledore sighed. "I was wondering if I made a mistake all those years ago. I am afraid Harry Potter isn't who I expected him to be."

Severus didn't comment. He knew Dumbledore, Minerva, and well, the whole wizarding world was expecting Harry Potter to be James Potter look-alike and their Savior. They were in for a huge surprise. It made Severus glad that he took an Oath to Harry Potter, not Dumbledore. He had a feeling he was going to be finding that aspect of the oath requirement something he was going be very grateful for. Dumbledore was revamping whatever plans he had made in regards to Harry Potter. He was actually looking forward to a Potter arriving at Hogwarts.

Chapter Text

To say that Vernon Dursley was angry would be an understatement. Marge had guided them to Gringotts and they were shocked to learn what Dumbledore had done. The man had sealed the Potter's Wills, placed Harry in their care, unlawfully, not that they minded that. However, the biggest gripe was that he was using Harry's power and vaults as his own. Dumbledore was going to be in for a surprise when he finds his vaults emptied and a lot of items he considered his own returned to their rightful owner. They did agree to hold off on charging the man since the man was viewed as being a great wizard and no one would believe the charges.

"Don't worry Uncle Vernon, he will pay." Harry stated.

Marge grinned. "I will be able to help too. I will have to get in touch with some old friends but Harry won't be alone there."


Harry was sitting in his compartment minding his own business when a red-hair boy opened his door. "Do you mind if I sit here? All the other compartments are full."

"Yes, I mind, and no, they aren't full. I can see over fifty children on the platform still. That tells me that there are still empty seats still or a second train." Harry had seen the family of redheads on the muggle side. Aunt Marge had informed them it was the Weasley family and they were close to Albus Dumbledore.

They had been worried that Dumbledore might connect Marge's last name to Vernon's but Marge explained that she didn't really catch the attention of Albus Dumbledore as she was a Slytherin and he hated Slytherins. They also factored the fact that given the age difference between Vernon and Marge, they were 20 years apart, Marge didn't think he would connect them. The Dursley family was magical family but they didn't have any titles and when Vernon was born their parents didn't want to make Vernon feel bad for being a squib.

The boy looked confused for a few seconds. Harry got annoyed and decided if the kid wanted the compartment bad enough he would go and find his own. He grabbed his other book and left the compartment. Harry found another empty compartment at the back of the train and got comfortable. He was reading his book when the door opened again. "Anything from the trolley, dearie?" The old woman asked.

Harry peered at the cart and smirked. "I will take all your Chocolate Frogs, Cockroach Clusters, Blood Pops, Exploding Bonbons, Jumping Snakes."

"All?" The old woman never had that happen before.

"Yes, ma'am." Harry grinned, pulling out his money pouch. "How much?"

"I am not sure, no one has ever bought all that at once."

"How about this, I will give you one hundred galleons for everything on the cart. The stuff I don't want, you give to people who need it." Harry gave her an innocent smile, with the puppy dog eyes.

"Deal." That was more than she ever made in a week selling treats. Together they separated out what Harry wanted and she headed to the front of the train to sit down for the rest of the trip.

Harry quickly made his way to the back of the train. He pulled out his transformation and charm books and found the spells he needed. He quickly froze the Chocolate Frogs, he opened them up and lined them up on the floor. He unwrapped the Jumping Snakes, laid them down next to the Frogs. He put the Cockroach Clusters in a bowl he got from the old woman. He grinned this was going to be fun.

Harry was in his seat when the screaming started. He peeked out and everyone was running from the Chocolate Frogs trying to get away from the Jumping Snakes while the cockroaches were carrying the Exploding BonBons as they exploded over everyone and everything. He popped a Blood Pop into his mouth. Yes, magic could be fun. He closed his door and sat back down.

His peace was interrupted again when a girl with bushy hair opened the door without knocking. "Have you seen a toad?"

"Yes, saw several of them. They were hopping down the aisle." Harry answered without looking up from his book.

"No, I mean a real one."

"As opposed to a fake one?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I mean a real toad. Neville lost his toad and I said I would help find it."

"So opening people's compartments without knocking, inviting yourself in, leaving the doors opened to allow the missing toad to go into what was previously closed is a good idea in what universe?"

"There isn't any need to be rude."

"I see, it's fine for you to be rude but as long as no one is rude to you, you don't mind. Double standards, how interesting. I would reference a book on manners." Harry commented. The door was slammed shut. Amateurs, Harry thought. He looked down and there was the missing toad.

"Smart fellow aren't you. You know, I might have a use for you. How do you feel about being aiding me in annoying a few people." The toad hopped closer, settled down next to Harry. "Don't worry, I will keep you from a Neville. Whatever that is."

Harry opened his compartment door and could see the mess that the candy left behind was still in the car. He made his way to the small bathroom as he passed walking he saw the red-haired boy standing with his wand drawn out against Malfoy. This could be interesting. He moved in closer.

"Smaller words Pans." Draco stated. "He doesn't seem to grasp the concept otherwise. Stick to one or two-syllable words. After all, red hair, Slytherins are evil attitude, and not following simple rules of conduct, you must be a Weasley."

"Move." Blaise stated.

"I hope you aren't here to help him." Pansy stated as she spied Harry.

"Nope. I was just waiting to pass by. I need to use the loo." Harry grinned. "Malfoy, a pleasure to finally meet you. Your father said I would see you here."

Draco looked puzzled for a few seconds and then smirked. "Potter, yes, Father did mention that you would be on the train. We were on our way to welcome you."

"You're Harry Potter?" Weasley turned and faced him.

"Well, that is what it says on my birth certificate unless someone lied to me." Harry answered. "I am so glad I didn't wear my good clothes as there is chocolate and I am not exactly sure what else all over the train."

"Yes, the Weasley Twins did a prank." Draco answered.

"Harry, you can't stay here. They are Death Eaters." Weasley warned. His hand clutching his wand.

"EEK!!! Death Eaters!!!" Harry didn't move from his spot. "Oops, I meant to run." He grinned at Draco who shrugged his shoulders.

"You want to join us?" Theo asked.

"I do believe I will." Harry answered.

"Harry, you can't. They are Death Eaters. Their parents obey You-Know-Who."

"No, I don't know." Harry answered.

"You know, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"Why? Is he going to jump out of a cake and yell "what a splendid head, yet no brain" at you?" Harry could see the ones Weasley had called Death Eaters were enjoying the banter. Harry moved past Weasley and followed the small group to their compartment. Weasley followed behind him.

"Listen, Weasley, as you can see this compartment is filled. Harry is fine with us and doesn't feel we are going to attack him. Honestly, eleven-year-old Death Eater, it's no wonder people are questioning your intelligence."

"Might have to dump that down, Daph." Blaise commented.

"One or two symbol words. Don't want to have him trying to dust off his brain." Millie hadn't left the compartment as she was making sure no one would enter it while her friends were gone, plus she wanted to finish reading her book.

"Harry, you aren't safe here. They're Slytherin." Weasley almost sounded like he was whining.

"May I ask how you know? As far as I can tell none of us have been sorted."

"Their parents." Weasley stated. "They are Death Eaters."

"My family was neutral." Blaise and Daphne replied.

"My father was found innocent." Draco replied.

"Mine was never even charged." Pansy glared.

"I don't know my father, I live with my grandfather and he was never even brought in for questioning." Theo glared.

"Who died and made him judge?" Harry asked.

"Your parents-"

"Are dead, thank you for the reminder. I am sure everyone knows the story. As far as I can tell no one in this cart was over the age of two when it happened. Unless two-year-olds are allowed to go around killing, torturing, and maiming adult wizards I can safely say they aren't Death Eaters. Is there a way to get rid of him?"

"Yes, and I already hit the pull cord for a Prefect to come."

"I heard it all. Weasley, go and find your own compartment. I will also inform Percy and Professor Snape about your behavior." Prefect Higgs stated.

Weasley looked lost but obeyed. After the door was closed, Harry grinned. "Draco, how was your week?"

"Boring. Though your aunt and my mother seem to have gone shopping again."

"Uncle Vernon mentioned that this morning. He said she was going to head out with your mother to spend her sorrows away as her boys were out of the house now." Harry grinned.

"How did you get the candy to come alive?" Pansy asked.

"Remember those books you let me read? The Transfiguration and Charms ones?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Pansy started laughing understanding what spells Harry used. "I never thought of using those spells in that way."

"I will teach you my ways, young one." Harry smirked. After Dumbledore's trip to the Dursley house, Vernon and Marge used their connections and Lord Malfoy was more than happy to aid. Harry, Dudley, and Draco had spent the remainder of the summer going to different friends houses. "Dudley would have liked that prank." Harry filled them in on what happened on the train. He introduced them to his new toad.



Harry appeared to be watching the sorting, however, he was really watching the staff closely. All of them with the exception of Dumbledore and Snape, wore their emotions on their faces easy enough. He watched and learned their different facial expressions. He could tell when Dumbledore did a polite clap for each student that went into Slytherin versus the pure pleasure when the hat announced Gryffindor.

"Potter, Harry." He slowly walked up. He could hear the whispers. Great future stalkers and annoying fans were piling up. He didn't panic when the moldy hat was placed on his head, he better not get lice from it.

"I don't have lice, Mr. Potter. Now, let's see." The hat flew off of his head. "SLYTHERIN, SLYTHERIN. Merlin, get that kid away from me."

Harry grinned. "Pleasure doing business with you, hat." He took a seat next to Draco.

As everyone was still recovering from the shock of the hat's dramatics. "How did you get the hat to do that?" Draco asked.

"You be surprised what happens when you mention a seam ripper." Harry casually commented.

Chapter Text

Harry was woken early in the morning by Draco. "Professor Snape wants to see us."

Harry looked at the clock. "Is it even daylight?"

"No, but it's important." Draco tossed Harry a dressing gown. "We don't need to get dressed."

Harry got out of bed and put his slippers on. He looked at Trevor the Toad and his slippers. "Trev, it's going to be a few hours before the Lions wake, how about you go and leave a few surprises in their slippers. See if you can get the other animals to do it too."

Trevor went up on his back legs and bobbed his agreement. Harry carried him out of the dorm with two cats following. Draco smirked as they watched the animals disappear. They heard a meow from Mrs. Norris and knew she was going to be helping. "The best part is that there will be no record of anyone entering the dorm. They will think it's their own pets. I wonder if we can make it a weekly event?" Harry asked.

"I think every once in a while if it's weekly they might pick out a pattern." Draco replied.

"True. They all can't be as stupid as Weasley is." Harry stopped by the door that read Severus Snape, Potion Master, on a sign. "What about different houses, randomly?"

"That would work." Draco thought for a few minutes.

"Draco, how versed are those not born in the muggle world about muggle products?" Harry asked.

"Not at all. You saw what we were like and that was with us willing to learn." Draco responded. He watched Harry's eyes light up. "You have an idea?"

"I have a few. I will need to write to Aunt Petunia for some supplies. They are going to love it."

"Let's go and see Professor Snape." Draco led him away from Severus' office and to his private quarters. Thankful that Severus didn't allow any portrait down here except those who were from Slytherin house.


"Sit down boys." Severus was sitting in his favorite black recliner. He had a fire going and had tea ready for them.

"You want to see us?" Harry asked.

"Potter, it was certainly creative entrance on the train and with your sorting."

"I have no idea what you are speaking about."

Severus smirked. "A true Slytherin. However, Lucius and I have been speaking for the last few weeks. I also met with your Aunt and Uncle. They didn't tell you about it because we weren't sure what house you would be sorted into. We knew it would be Slytherin but also feared that the old man might have tried something."

"He did. The hat mentioned Gryffindor, I casually mentioned a seam ripper." Harry answered.

Severus smirked. "Potter, I am willing to aid you in whatever you endeavor to do. I enjoyed your deal-making with Dumbledore and the prank on the train was something I don't think anyone would have expected. Dumbledore is certain it was the Weasley twins. They admired the prank but claim they didn't do it. However, without proof, they won't be serving detention."

"Sir, how do the hygiene products work in the magical world?" Harry asked.

"I have some potion books that explain the ingredients, the interactions, and how of long certain muggle chemicals interact with them." Severus explained.

"What is the policy for being expelled?"

"Potter, short of blowing up the school, I can guarantee you that you won't be expelled. He is counting on your defeating the Dark Lord when the time is right and following his lead."

"Aunt Petunia would have told him I am very bad at following someone else. I believe one of my teacher's said I don't play well with people I don't like."

Severus grinned. He knew he was correct about this boy. This boy would get rid of the insane Dark Lord and the equally crazy Headmaster. He couldn't wait to see him run circles around both of the nutters. "I am open to suggestions."

"I just happen to have a few. I believe your books are going to increase my imagination." Harry answered.


Harry was grinning it was Friday which meant potions. He glanced around the Great Hall and knew it was with the Gryffindors. He was looking forward to it. "Draco, want to bet that Weasley will need the bushy-haired girl's help?"

"No, that is a guarantee. She, however, is annoying. Professor Snape won't like her attitude in his class."

Harry smirk grew wider. Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeon's classrooms. It was colder here than up in the main castle and would have been quite creepy enough with the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls. Harry knew the very thought of the animals was creeping out most of the Gryffindors. Severus, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name. "Ah, yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new—celebrity." He didn't laugh or fall off of anything as Flitwick did. Shame, Harry thought it would have been funny. Harry waved at him. Severus arched an eyebrow.

Severus finished calling the names and looked up at the class. He stalked around the front of the room as he began his lesson. "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making." He spoke in barely more than a whisper but they caught every word. Harry found the man to be like Professor McGonagall, Severus had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort.


"Weasley!" said Severus suddenly. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"I don't know, sir," said Weasley said. Harry could see Granger, was it, Granger? He liked bush hair girl better, waving her hand. Harry wondered if she sat in something the way she was wiggling in her chair.

Severus' lips curled into a sneer. "Tut, tut-having older brothers who have taken my class clearly isn't everything." He ignored the bushy-haired girl's hand. "Let's try again. Weasley, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"I don't know, sir." Weasley looked around the room, nervously. The Slytherins were snickering. Harry was finding it amusing also.

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Weasley?" Severus was still ignoring the bushy-haired girl's frantic hand waving.

"What is the difference, Weasley, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"I don't know," said Weasley snapped. "I think Granger does, though, why don't you try her?" The bushy-haired girl was standing up and to Harry, it looked like she was doing the pee-pee dance.

"Sit down," Severus snapped at her. "Potter, the answers."

"Yes, sir. Asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfsbane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite."

"Ten points to Slytherin." Over the noise, Severus said, "and ten points will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Weasley." He waved his wand. "You will make the Cure for Boils. Begin."

Harry watched Severus sweep around the room, his long black cloak billowing behind him. Harry listened as he berated Gryffindor students, especially Weasley. The room started to suddenly smell. Harry looked over and saw one of the cauldrons had melted.

"Idiot boy!" Snarled Severus, clearing the spilled potion away with one wave of his wand. "I suppose you added the porcupine quills before taking the cauldron off the fire?" Draco nodded his agreement to Harry, yes the boy left the cauldron on the fire. Then he rounded on Granger and Weasley, who had been working next to Neville. "You—Weasley—why didn't you tell him not to add the quills? Thought he'd make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That's another point you've lost for Gryffindor." By the time the lesson ended Gryffindor had lost almost twenty points and Slytherin had gained almost thirty.

"Oh, hell no. I am not sitting on that ratty thing and expecting to stay in the air while I am on it. If it was a broom I was using at home, we would have thrown it out by now. Look at those bristles. Do they even look remotely safe? No. I won't even mention the idea of having my feet off the ground." Harry pulled away as Draco and Blaise were trying to drag him back to the flying lesson.

"Language, Mr. Potter." Madam Hooch rebuked him.

"Stuff my language, my life is more important." Harry replied.

"Harry, I will make you a deal. If I get on a broom, show you it's safe, you ride the same broom and I will aid you in one prank."

"You already do."

"I will do it without asking any questions."

Harry eyed him. Looked at Blaise. "Me too." Blaise added.

"Fine." Harry approached the brooms. "If it makes one false move, I will burn the lot of them."

Their teacher, Madam Hooch, was ready to start the lesson. She had short, gray hair, and yellow eyes like a hawk. "Well, what are you all waiting for?" she barked. "Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up."

Harry glanced down at his broom. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles. This didn't look like a safe broom and he wasn't feeling that good about this experience. If he died, he was going to come back and haunt a certain Slytherin.

"Stick out your right hand over your broom." Called Madam Hooch at the front. "Say 'UP!'"

"UP!" Everyone shouted.

Harry's broom jumped into his hand at once but it was one of the few that did. The bushy-haired girl's simply rolled over on the ground reminding Harry of a dog playing dead. Some didn't move at all. Perhaps brooms, like horses, could tell when you were afraid, he hoped they didn't because he was a bit leery of his broom.

Madam Hooch then showed them how to mount their brooms without sliding off the end and walked up and down the rows correcting their grips. Harry waited for his inspection but she bypassed him and continued down the line. He looked at Draco who had resumed his hands earlier positions.

"Now, when I blow my whistle, you kick off from the ground, hard," said Madam Hooch. "Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly. On my whistle- three- two-"

The nervous and jumpy Gryffindor who was frightened of being left on the ground, pushed off hard before the whistle had touched Madam Hooch's lips.

"That better not be normal." Harry wasn't happy with the idea of his broom taking off on him.

"No, brooms usually obey but it's Longbottom." Draco answered as if that explained everything. To anyone in Slytherin it did. Harry understood it.

"Mr. Longbottom get back here."

"Neville." The bushy-haired rude girl shouted.

Harry looked at the boy on the bouncing broom. So that is a Neville. No wonder Trevor didn't want anything to do with the boy. He had seen him in some of their classes, and the boy was a nervous wreck. Trevor was probably afraid the boy would get him killed. He was so happy that he had a Slytherin Toad. He looked at Draco. "That better not be normal." He warned, again.

"Come back, boy!" She shouted but Neville was still rising straight up like a cork shot out of a bottle- twelve feet- twenty feet. Harry saw his scared white face look down at the ground falling away, saw him gasp, slip sideways off the broom and - WHAM- a thud and a nasty crack and Neville lay face down on the grass in a heap. His broomstick was still rising higher and higher and started to drift lazily toward the forbidden forest and out of sight.

Madam Hooch was bending over Neville, her face as white as his. Harry winced as he heard the bone snap. "Broken wrist, hope he isn't a righty." A glass ball rolled onto the grass.

"Broken wrist," Harry heard her mutter. "Come on, boy- it's all right, up you get." Harry knew it from the sound and he bet she did too. She turned to the rest of the class. "None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Quidditch.' Come on, dear."

Neville, his face tear-streaked, clutching his wrist, hobbled off with Madam Hooch, who had her arm around him.

Harry's eyes lit up. He nudged Draco. "Time to play keep-away with that ball Longbottom dropped. Make a show of it Draco."

Draco and Blaise nodded their understanding. Draco watched and no sooner was Hooch and Longbottom out of earshot then he burst into laughter. "Did you see his face, the great lump?"

The other Slytherins joined in.

"Shut up, Malfoy." Snapped Parvati Patil.

"Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?" Said Pansy. "Never thought you'd like fat little crybabies, Parvati."

"Look!" Said Draco, darting forward and snatching something out of the grass. "It's that stupid thing Longbottom's gran sent him." He saw Harry smirk. The Remembrall glittered in the sun as he held it up.

"Give that to here, Malfoy." Said Weasley yelled. Everyone stopped talking to watch.

Draco smiled nastily. "I think I'll leave it somewhere safe for Longbottom."

"Give it here!" Weasley tried again. Weasley dived for Draco.

Draco had leaped onto his broomstick and took off. He hadn't been lying, he could fly well. Hovering level with the topmost branches of an oak he called, "You tried to kill me."

Harry grabbed his broom.

"No!" shouted the bushy-haired girl. "Madam Hooch told us not to move- you'll get us all into trouble."

Harry ignored her. That was the whole point of this, he wanted to get into trouble. Amateurs, he loved them. Blood was pounding in his ears. He mounted the broom and kicked hard against the ground and up, up he soared; air rushed through his hair, and his robes whipped out behind him- and in a rush of fierce joy he'd found something he could do without being taught- this was easy, this was wonderful. He pulled his broomstick up a little to make it even higher and heard screams and gasps of girls back on the ground. He turned his broomstick sharply to face Draco in midair. Draco looked stunned.

"I know surprised me too. You ready?" At Draco's nodded, Harry flew to the other side of the students. Draco was about to head down when Weasley flew up and almost hit Draco with the broom.

"Give it here or I will knock you off your broom." Weasley screamed. Several gasps were heard. They were still surprised at Weasley trying to hit Draco with his broom.

"Oh, yeah?" said Draco, trying to sneer, he looked at Harry, who was grinning. They had a physical and dangerous threat by Weasley,

"No Crabbe and Goyle up here to save your neck, Malfoy." Weasley challenged Draco.

Harry flew up behind Draco. "Keep it safe. We will claim we were protecting it." Harry dove out of the way as Weasley made another attempt to get the ball. Draco ended up dropping it as he had to use both hands to stay on his broom.

Harry saw, as though in slow motion, the ball rise up in the air and then start to fall. He leaned forward and pointed his broom handle down- next second he was gathering speed in a steep dive, racing the ball- wind whistled in his ears, mingled with the screams of people watching- he stretched out his hand- a foot from the ground he caught it, just in time to pull his broom straight, and he toppled gently onto the grass with the Remembrall clutched safely in his fist.


His heart sank faster than he'd just dived. Professor McGonagall was running toward them. He got to his feet.

"Never- in all my time at Hogwarts-"

Professor McGonagall was almost speechless with shock and her glasses flashed furiously, "-how dare you- might have broken your neck-"

"It wasn't his fault, Professor-"

"Be quiet, Miss Patil-"

"But Weasley-"

"That's enough, Miss Granger. Potter, follow me, now." Harry handed the broom to Draco. He grinned. He was heading home.


Harry looked at Severus. He was confused. "I don't understand it. I was even threatened with expulsion. Instead, I am on the Quidditch team, Weasley has a month of detentions, and for some reason, I now have a Neville who won't stop thanking me."

"I did warn you."

"I know but it was a clear and very blatant disregard for the rules." Harry began to revamp his ideas.

"What are you thinking of now?" Severus wondered what the boy was thinking. It wasn't even a full month into the school year and already the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors barely went a week without finding stuff in the slippers from a variety of animals. Most had finally, read Ravenclaws, smartened up and put their boots, shoes, trainers, and slippers in safe places at night now.

"How does muggle permanent hair dye react to the ingredients in magical shampoos, conditioners, and soaps?"

"I am not sure. We can find out." Severus smirked. Many had a very bad habit of not remembering that as much as the Marauders pranked him, Severus had given the four boys a run for their money.


It was Halloween. Harry had already dyed all of the Gryffindor's hair green. Some Ravenclaws were sporting purple hair, some Puffs had silver hair. The staff was still trying magical methods of getting rid of the color but it wasn't working. A few muggle-borns mentioned that it might be muggle dye but that was dismissed because Severus stated he wasn't sure if muggle dye would work correctly with the magical ingredients. He said it had never been fully tested. Harry had to admire the wording on that. They were in the process of testing it.

"Did you hear what Weasley did?" Pansy sat down at the table. It was Halloween and the feast was going to start soon.

"What did he do now?" Harry asked.

"Well, Granger was leaving Charms and Weasley was making fun of her. She heard it and ran off to the bathroom. She has been in there all day." Pansy stated. "I don't think Weasley will be counting on her to help him with his assignments any longer."

"It's the only reason he is passing. It's his fault we are still on the feather." Theo muttered. "I was ready to hex him. He refused to listen to how to say the incantation."

"He is an idiot, what do you expect." Draco said.

They all watched as Professor Quirrell walked into the Great Hall, looking sick, and announced: "Troll! In the dungeons!" He looked around the room. "Thought you ought to know." They watched him faint and crumple onto the floor.

"He can act." Harry muttered. "I almost believed him."

"Students, please follow your prefect back to your dorms, dinner will be served in your common rooms." Dumbledore announced.

Everyone started to get up, except Harry. "Come on, we need to go."

"I am not moving. I don't have a death wish. He said the troll was in the dungeons."

"Right." Slytherins looked at him. Harry waited, finally a few realized what he was saying and sat down. The rest joined them as the light finally went off. Harry pulled out a piece of parchment and started to write a letter to his aunt. She was going to be furious.

"You were told to go to your common room." Dumbledore approached the table. He wondered why Harry had not gone to save Miss Granger, the boy knew she wasn't at the feast and wouldn't know about the troll. He had tried a compulsion charm, but he hadn't moved.

"Yes, that is bright. Sending students to the dungeons, where a troll was reported to be at." Harry couldn't keep the pure contempt he had for that idea. Anyone would be a moron if they followed that advice.

"Quite right. Stay here." Dumbledore headed out of the Great Hall.

Harry looked to where Quirrell had fainted and wasn't surprised to find him gone. He looked at Draco. "You owe me ten galleons."


"Quirrell isn't who he appears to be. He is already gone and I bet he is heading to the third floor."

Draco thought about it for a few minutes, he pulled out the ten galleons. "I knew I shouldn't have made that bet with you."

"Now, since we are all gathered here without proper supervision, how about we set up a few pranks for the school. I am sure they could use a laugh after tonight." Harry grinned.


Dumbledore sat down in his chair, he began to open his mail. He found a letter from Petunia Dursley in the mail. He grinned, maybe she was going to allow Harry to stay for the holidays as he requested.


A troll! How did a troll enter your school? You said it was the safest place for my nephew. A troll isn't safe. I won't even mention the flying lessons, I won't comment on the pranks that have been played at your school. All of which shows you have no control over that school.

Shape up or I will find a way to send a muggle howler to you.

Petunia Dursley

Dumbledore wasn't worried. She couldn't hurt him. A muggle howler. He snorted.

Chapter Text

Harry, with Draco and Blaise, were working on their assignments in the library. Harry was reviewing some potion books when a shadow fell over his book. He ignored it, while Draco said, "Weasel, I know you're limited in your intelligence but blocking the light when people are reading is bad. Do we need to get a spray bottle to train you? Blaise, would it still be called housebreaking? I think he is already potty trained."

"I believe so. Though my family always believed the spray bottles were for cats. Cats hate water. For dogs, they used crates, putting them outside, and if they were chewing things, switched the item out for a toy. He might need to be exercised more. My uncle always said a tired dog won't destroy the house." Blaise put down his book. "We could always toss some candy and see if that will distract him."

"We could also practice our assignments at the same time. I wonder if we can turn a beetle into a ball?" Draco commented.

"It's possible. We just need to remember to make it shiny like a snitch to keep his attention." Harry commented. "Do dogs want shiny objects? Aunt Marge might be able to provide us with some training tips. She raises pure-blood bulldogs."

"Traitor." Weasley finally spoke. He took a step closer, trying to appear intimidating.

"Look! It's moving. It's alive. It's alive... It's alive, it's moving, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, IT'S ALIVE!" Harry placed a hand over his heart. The book laid against his stomach.

Draco smirked. He remembered the line from over the summer when they watched the movie Frankenstein (1931) "Harry - In the name of Merlin!" He kind of quoted the next line.

"Oh, in the name of Merin! Now, I know what it feels like to be Merlin!." Harry grinned at Draco and Blaise who were trying to quietly laugh. They quieted down when Ms. Pince glared at them.

"You're nothing but a lousy, slimy, traitor." Weasley glared. His fists were clenched.

"He's up to two syllable words. Vast improvement. Daphne and Pansy will be so happy to hear. I thought when they sent you those flash cards it would take longer. Draco, I think you won on that bet." Harry lowered his book to his lap, placing a piece of parchment in it as a marker.

"Finally." Draco commented.

"You're parents would be ashamed of you. They died for you." Weasley continued.

"Don't rush to break out the next level on the cards he seems to be stuck." Blaise commented. "I don't see him moving forward. Perhaps it's too early to give him the dictionary."

"Weasley, unless you have a direct line of contact with my parents, you have no idea what they would say or feel about me. Now, if you do have a direct line to my parent, may I suggest you seriously consider Divination as a career option as I don't believe anything else would fit with your limited intelligence." Harry could see a few people were wondering what was going on.

"Filthy snake, Death Eater wannabe." Weasley leaned down. "You will get yours."

"Weasley, a month of detention, twenty-five points from Gryffindor for threatening a student." Severus said as he stepped around the corner of one of the bookcases. "Slander, twenty-five points from Gryffindor, instigating a fight, twenty-five points from Gryffindor."

Weasley glared, turned and stormed off. Harry picked up his book as Severus placed a book on the table for them to review. Severus went back to the restricted section. They were looking up some muggle chemical reactions.


Harry was watching the game, he liked flying. He hadn't seen the snitch yet and was enjoying watching the Gryffindor seeker flying around trying to locate it. The boy looked like a speed addict going through withdrawals. Slytherin was leading 120 to 90. He had watched the Weasley twins, wishing they were on the Slytherin team. They were good. He started to scan the sky. There, by the professors' stand was the glint of gold. He lazily flew in that general direction. He didn't want to give the spaz on Gryffindor any ideas.

His broom started bucking. He gripped the broom with both hands, his legs squeezing the wood, he hoped he didn't break the broom as it was one of the school's broom and the thing was old. He started to panic as the broom's bucking was getting stronger. He almost got bucked off when the snitch flew by him. As the snitch circled, Harry opened his mouth to scream, when the broom bucked at the same time, he caught the snitch, in his mouth, as his broom began to dive downward. As he was about to hit the ground, his broom bucked at the last second, throwing him into the air. He landed on his back. A small crowd was gathering when he finally spit the snitch out of his mouth.

"He caught the snitch. Slytherin wins 270 to 90." Lee Jordan announced.

"I demand a real broom if I am to play again. The school's ones are death traps." Harry said when he finally got his breath back. He hated the feeling of having the wind knocked out.

"I need to get him to the Infirmary." Madam Pomfrey was running her wand in a complicated pattern.

"No, I am fine, just a little out of breath." Harry tried to get up.

Severus knew the boy was going to refuse to go with Poppy and cast a sleep charm on him. Harry yawned, "who did it?" Harry fell asleep.

"He's not going to be Mr. Happy when he wakes." Draco commented. They watched Madam Pomfrey put Harry on a stretcher and head back to Hogwarts.

"No, he won't." Severus calmly replied.

"You know he will get you back, Uncle Sev." Draco whispered as they started to follow the crowd.

"I am aware. I just hope he doesn't make it too embarrassing. He received more muggle items from Petunia." Harry would make him pay for sending him to the Infirmary as he would do the same thing.

"Yes, he wants to break down something called SuperClue." Draco stated.

"Superglue and I am aware. It's going to be our next research project. She sent nail polish remover also." Severus stopped walking, waited until they were alone. "Someone set my robes on fire when the broom started acting strange. I stood up, knocking a few people over. One of them was Quirrell. The curse broke then, we need to watch him."

"Harry was already questioning him. He said something about how he acted with the troll incident. Collect 10 Galleons off of me as I didn't think anything would have happened on Samhain."

"Interesting. I have also had my doubts about him. We will need to gather more information. Dumbledore has also been acting strangely. The third-floor wards have been dropped."

"Weasley was trying to drag Granger up to there. They have been discussing Nicholas Flamel and his stone. We already have the information but the newly formed duo are trying to figure out who Nicholas Flamel is and working on getting Longbottom to join them. Something about him being born at the end of July also."

Dumbledore was going to try and get the prophecy to be about Longbottom. He wasn't sure what the old man was planning on doing or how he was going to get the Longbottom family to agree with it. "Keep an eye on them. We don't need more problems."

Draco nodded. "Petunia is going to send Dumbledore a howler over this."

"No, not for this. Dumbledore will claim it was an accident but I believe that Granger and Weasley believe I was the one to try and curse Harry's broom. It's going to be interesting."

"I can't believe girl even talks to him." After the troll event, it had taken about a week before Weasley was following Granger around. Most of the Slytherins and a few Ravenclaws believed it was because Weasley finally realized that without the girl, he wouldn't be able to pass his classes. They also believed Dumbledore had something to do with it.


Dumbledore stood up. "Would the person responsible for all the Gryffindors' shoes being glued to the floor outside of the Gryffindor dorm please provide the counter charm. If it is done by lunchtime, I will not assign any detentions. If it is not removed, I will suspend the person or people responsible." Everyone looked at the Gryffindor students who were sitting at their table and realized they were all wearing bunny slippers including twitching noses. The slippers were outside of the glued area.

This morning as each of the Gryffindors left their dorm they found themselves unable to walk as their shoes were glued to the floor. When they had untied their shoes and stepped out, their socks were glued to the floor. They had to wait until Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore summoned them out of the affected area. Since it was November the slippers were a welcomed sight.

"Well, I say that theory was proven correct." Harry muttered to Draco.

"I agree. Bunny slippers?"

"Severus' idea." Harry quietly answered. "I added that when they walk the whiskers twitch. You also have to feed them carrots if you want them to walk and not hop."

As breakfast was finished, Severus stopped by their table. "Ten points to Slytherin for proving the theory that muggle nonelectronic inventions do not have a counter in magic." He whispered. "Five points for the idea of feeding carrots."

"I say ten points for your idea of the slippers. After all, it was nice of you to provide something to keep their feet warm." Harry answered.

"Very true. I even added a warmth charm." If anyone had been looking closely, they would have seen Severus Snape give a slight grin. "Ten points for not tormenting the Gryffindors with carrots." He spoke loud enough for those around them to hear, earning a few giggles.


Petunia read Harry's letter. "Vernon, that old coot is trying to keep Harry there." She handed the letter to Vernon.

Vernon read the letter:

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley:

I feel it would be safer if Harry were to remain here during the Yule holiday season. He will have a few friends here and I can assure you that nothing will happen to your nephew.

Albus Dumbledore

Vernon looked at Petunia. "Howler time."

Petunia grinned. "Minor or major?"

"Minor, I know he will provide a reason for us to go bigger by the end of the year and I don't want to give everything away."


Everyone was in the Great Hall for breakfast, the owls were dropping off mail and the Daily Prophet when the doors opened and a dwarf entered. He walked up to Dumbledore. "Albus Dumbledore?"

"Yes. How can I help you?" Dumbledore wondered what was going on.


Petunia Dursley"

The dwarf turned around and walked out, waving at people as he did. The hall started laughing and talking as soon as the dwarf was out of the room. "Your aunt rules." Pansy had learned the new slogan and loved using it.

"I think that has to be the best howler, ever." Theo was laughing.

Harry was watching Dumbledore. "He looks furious. I love it that look on him."

"It will never get old." Draco laughed.

Chapter Text

Harry and Draco were walking toward the Great Hall when they saw this huge man. "Who is that?" Harry asked.

"Hagrid, he is a gamekeeper." They could see a bunch of trees was lining the hall.

Harry was trying to remember why someone that size seemed familiar. He never remembered meeting anyone that size. "Potter." They heard coming from behind them. Harry turned and saw the bushy-haired girl coming toward them, he wondered where the Weasley annoyance was. "She is going to be a pain." Harry warned Draco. Ever since the howler from his aunt arrived Dumbledore and his pets had been working on trying to get Harry to stay at Hogwarts.

Before Draco could answer them the huge man let out a yelp, his face went a few shades whiter, and he started to almost run away from Harry. "Why is he so afraid of you?"

"No idea. I never met him." Harry watched as the bushy-haired girl almost stormed her way closer to them. "I say we run. Maybe if she follows Severus will remove more points."

"Why is she still wearing the bunny slippers?" Draco noticed as she stopped and gave her slippers some carrots.

"Her cat and Mrs. Norris ate her shoes." Harry answered. "Argus was telling me he found the pile outside of his office door." Harry had made friends with the old caretaker, especially since Harry always made sure to provide him with a way to clean up the pranks.

Draco started to laugh. "Cute slippers, Granger, I see you have trained, maybe you could work on Weasley next."

"I thought we were going to do. Blaise and I even sent letters to my Aunt Marge for books on puppy training." Harry tilted his head a bit and looked at the bushy-haired girl. "What is wrong with your hair?"

Granger started to try and flatten it out but nothing was working on her hair. It was starting to look like an Afro with some dreads at the tips. "Nothing. I want to know if you want to work on the transfiguration assignment with me over the holidays?"

"I already finished it. Our study group knocked it out last week so that I was able to go home last weekend." While McGonagall gave them almost a month to work on the assignment, the Slytherins got it done that week. They had to transfigure a block of wood into a box and decorate it as a jewelry box. They had to do everything from finding the correct piece of wood to creating pieces of jewelry to put inside it.

"Oh." She paused for a few seconds. "Listen, I am looking for a study group and am wondering if I may join yours."

Draco and Harry exchanged looks. Harry started laughing. "Granger, you have a sense of humor." Draco smirked. "Theo won that bet." They knew that she wanted to join because Dumbledore wanted her to spy on Harry. They had seen the two of them speaking and after that, she was suddenly trying to be friendly to Harry. Severus confirmed it when Dumbledore mentioned having inter-house study groups.

"Yes, he did. I selected none." Harry regained his composure.

"Your betting? It's against the rules. You can get expelled." Horror filled her voice. "You don't want to be expelled. It goes on your permanent record."

"Really?" Harry was almost excited about it. "It goes on my permanent record, Draco. I have something new to aim for."

"No. You can't get expelled and it's not against the rules for it to be between students for harmless things like this. It's only against the rules if it involves anything illegal, a bet that involves hurting or endangering someone, and if the ante regards anything to do with an assignment." Draco stated. He had read Hogwarts: A History.

"Well, there goes that idea." Harry muttered.

"Hogwarts: A History, says it's illegal." She smugly told them. She already planned to go and tell Dumbledore. He would like this information, she knew.

"Harry, can you please tell us what is wrong with Hogwarts: A History? Ten-point question." Draco smirked.

"Certainly, the problem with Hogwarts: A History is that it was written by a Gryffindor, who doesn't understand the concept of...wait for it..." Harry smirked as they had a small crowd around them. "Drum roll, please, Mr. Boot."

Terry grinned as he started to create a drum roll by giving Su Li his books who held them out while he started to do the drum roll on the books. "For the money, the answer is loopholes." Harry bowed. "No applause, just the money, please."

"Very entertaining. Ten points to Slytherin for explaining Hogwarts: A History and its flaw." Severus stepped out of the shadows. "I do believe lunch is ready to be served." He warned the crowd. Granger clearly didn't want to leave but his glare was enough to make her.

Harry walked over to Severus. "Need to practice that. So, some big guy seemed scared of me, do you know why?"

"Hagrid. He was the one you and your family shot on your birthday. He arrived back here with six bullet holes. A few days in the Infirmary and he was back to his annoying cheerful self. However, he is petrified of you and your family. Dumbledore had to bribe him to bring the trees in during the day. He has refused to step foot in Hogwarts at any time there might have been a chance to meet you. Dumbledore is going to have a harder time getting the man to return."

"A pair of bunny slippers to him?" Harry heard that Hagrid was a nice guy. His biggest flaw was his undying faith in Dumbledore.

"Indeed." Severus replied.


Severus was grading paper in his office when Harry entered. "Harry?"

"Severus, quick question, how many cups do you think it would take to fill the front hall?"

"Depends on the cups. Are you doing just the floor? Filling the area completely? Spacing them a bit away from each other?"

"Spacing them, hmm...that would work." Harry answered, he started to leave, and at the door added. "I have a nice present for the morning we leave." Harry left.

Severus wondered what Harry was planning on doing to the front hall. He was sure it would be interesting.


The morning they were set to leave, Harry, Draco, Blaise, and Theo were still sleeping when Pansy and Daphne entered their room. "Guys, you need to get up and see this." The four of them were forced awake, dressed and headed to the front hall. The students were all standing on the stairs, off to the side as they were watching the staff try to remove all the plastic cups filled with water. None of the cups could be picked up, they didn't respond to any spells. "Superglue?" Pansy quietly asked Draco.

"Yes, all Harry's idea."

"Students, please go to breakfast." Dumbledore announced after he got more water on his robe when he tried to kick one of the plastic cups. The front hall from the bottom of the stairs to the front doors was covered with plastic cups filled with the colored water. Each house had its own section.

"How come the plastic cups aren't breaking? Those cups were so flimsy when we used them for the party." Daphne asked.

"Blaise found a charm, in Italian, that prevents that." Theo told them as they sat down at the Slytherin table. They knew the staff would never try any other languages but English and Latin.

"You know, the Weasley twins have been wondering who has been doing the pranks." Everyone slowly glanced to where the Weasley twins were having an in-depth conversation with Lee Jordan and Katie Bell.

"Granger and the other Weasley don't look happy. I wonder why?" Millie asked.

"Granger tried to join our study group again. She went to Snape, he denied her request. She actually went to Dumbledore after that, it didn't work. I, personally, thought that was Weasley's regular face." Blaise stated.

"Harry, what do you have planned for the train?" Greg asked.

"I am so glad you asked. I need volunteers." Harry grinned as they all leaned in. He explained the next part of the plan.


Harry handed out the balloons and paint pellets. "Who is good with the water charm?" He asked. Daphne and Theo raised their hands. "Good, you fill-up the balloons but only about 3/4 filled. Greg, Vincent, I need you to gently toss the balloons up to the ceiling as we walk. Pansy, Draco, sticking charm."

As the trained pulled into the station and the students exited their compartments, every single compartment that had any house but Gryffindor in it got dyed red and gold or black and yellow. If it was a Gryffindor car, the Lions found themselves in green and silver or blue. Except for the last cart which was filled with anyone who was warned about the prank. They didn't know what the prank was but they were warned to sit in the last car.

"Beautiful." Harry muttered as they saw the students standing next to their parents. Everyone was all the different house colors. Everyone was trying to figure out how to clean up the students and the train.

"Harry." Dudley greeted his cousin. "Interesting use of the paintball pellets." He had laughed a lot when the students were getting off of the train.

Harry was pulled into a hug by his aunt before he could answer. Vernon was standing next to Marge. They were gathered by the back wall where the Malfoy family usual met. "I see you have been trying to get expelled."

"Yes, failed too. I haven't been caught so that could be the problem."

"Well, getting caught goes against the Slytherin code." Aunt Marge smirked. "If they can't figure out who is doing it that is their problem."

"Let's get to the Manor before they start asking questions." Narcissa grinned. All of the adults had enjoyed hearing what had been happening in the school.


"Severus, you want to come with us to Asda?" Harry had a few ideas for the coming term but wanted to get some ideas by looking around the store.

"Asda?" Severus lowered his potion magazine. He was looking for a potion for an idea that Draco had.

"It's one of the biggest supermarkets. It has everything. I was thinking we could explore and find things. I have a few ideas. I have a shortlist I want to check out. Draco and Blaise also want me to check out a few things for their ideas."

"Rubber cement? Polish?" They had created a few experiments with muggle chemicals they wanted to try. They already determined muggle dye wasn't able to be removed with a simple cleaning charm nor was did a simple glamour cover it. Superglue on stone was hard to get out. They did give Argus the nail polish remover for him to give the students to use during detentions. They even gave him toothbrushes for the students to use.

"On the list. I also added permanent markers. What do you think of slinkies?" Harry gave him a grin.

"What are slinkies?"

"Singularly is slinky. It's a toy consisting of a flexible helical spring that can be made to somersault down steps, all those steps. Think of it, if we charm them to go up and down the stairs. I am sure we can find one. They come in metal or plastic."

"I would like to see one. Where is everyone else going to be?" Severus stood up. "I have a new potion idea."

Harry's face lite up. "Aunt Petunia and Cissy are going to go shopping. Lucius, Dudley, Draco, and Uncle Vernon are going to head over to Aunt Marge's. They are meeting Auggie."


"Harry, have you used these?" Severus held up a stack of post-it packages.

"Yes, they are great for everything. Severus, I have an idea. We will need a lot of newspapers, cardboard, and post-it notes." Harry looked at the colorful post-its in the aisle.

Severus showed him the tote he was carrying. "I have a nice variety of them. I think Dumbledore will enjoy them."

"I agree."


"Pet, should we worry about the time that Severus spends with Harry?" Vernon asked.

Marge glanced over to where Severus and Harry were working on their latest scheme for Dumbledore. "Vernon, do you remember when you first saw Petunia?" Draco was sitting with Pansy looking through a few different charm books.

"Yes, I decided she was going to be my wife." He grinned at his wife. He loved her fiercely. He had taken one look at Petunia and knew she was the one. He had been seventeen.

"It's that way with all magically inclined people. They might not recognize it right away but they know who their matches are. Severus and Harry are a match but neither of them is aware of it as of yet due to Harry's age." Marge explained.

"Like James was when he first met Lily. Remember how I told you he was always trying to show off?" Petunia said. "Is that why so many are married so young?"

"Yes, even though most wizards and witches have a longer lifespan, we need someone with us to balance us out." Marge explained. She knew as soon as she saw her Auggie. There was never a doubt in her mind.

"Like Auggie does with you?" Vernon couldn't resist teasing his sister. He dodged his sister's stinging hex.

"Exactly, I didn't take his name because of Dumbledore. We thought it would be better. His job at the Ministry puts him close to Dumbledore at times." Marge explained. Auggie had been staying at the Manor for the holidays but until the Ministry shut down for the few days he had to work in the DoM. If Dumbledore knew her last name was Rookwood, he never would have allowed Harry to live with Vernon and Petunia.

"Marge, when does Auggie get home?" Harry asked.

"In about an hour and I am sure he will be able to assist you in your newest scheme."

"Great." He and Severus were working on a map of Dumbledore's office.

Chapter Text

"Now remember, do everything I wouldn't do." Dudley said to his cousin as they saying good-bye. The group was waiting for Pansy and Daphne to arrive.

"Dud, you are so limiting me." Harry wiggled his nose, making his glasses bob up and down. "You have the list of things I want you to send me?"

"Yes, send Hedwig when you can, it will take a few trips." Dudley answered. "Dad is having a few of the guys gather some of the stuff you want for Valentine's."

"Look snakes and worms." Weasley stated.

"Worms?" Dudley asked. "Red hair, badly dressed, loud, you must be Weasley."

"Yes, and that is him thinking he is being funny. We have warned him about thinking but he hasn't heeded our warnings." Draco explained. "We have, also, determined he has no sense of humor but surprisingly Granger does."

"Death Eater scum." Weasley stated.

"You know, Draco, I think those are the only words he knows. We might need to actually teach him new words. Harry and I got a few training books." Blaise held up a Chocolate Frog. "You will get this reward if you can say you are leaving."

"As long as you don't return. I don't think he is up to playing fetch Blaise." Harry held back the snort as Weasley's face went red.

"I think we are going to have a hard time teaching him to sit." Pansy joined them.

"You are going to get yours." Weasley stated.

Petunia glared as Vernon pulled Harry to him. "Making threats against my nephew. It's bad enough you terrorized him last term, you won't be doing that this term."

"Ronald, what are you doing? I do apologize, my son worries about the dark forces at work out there."

"Does she think this is Star Wars and like your uncle is Darth Vader?" Draco asked.

"I can't pull off Luke Skywalker, you could, you have the blond hair." Harry answered.

"Harry's more like Lando." Dudley added.

"I want to be Princess Laia." Daphne stated. "Theo, you want to be Hans?"

"Yes!" Theo's fist pumped in joy.

"I wanted to be Darth Vader, I was working on the voice." Blaise stated. "We need to rewatch those movies again."

"Boys, train. Mrs. Weasley, I am sure things will improve this term." Narcissa started to hug the children as they gathered their trunks. They watched as the train pulled away.

"I have a feeling Mr. Weasley is going to have a few friends." Lucius said as they were leaving the platform.

"Oh?" Petunia asked.

"I'll let it be a surprise." Lucius exchanged a look with his wife. "It will provide hours of memories I am sure."


"I am telling you I don't know how to end it." The bushy-haired girl yelled as she stormed past their compartment. "I am sure Professor McGonagall will be able to figure out what you did wrong."

They began to hear the music of 'Pop Goes the Weasel' and Weasley was being followed by a wooden box about the size of a six-month-old kitten with a dancing weasel on the top, covered in grass, with trees swaying. "Hermione, you have to help me. This isn't even my box."

"It didn't just appear behind you, Ron. You were in the compartment with me, Dean, Neville, Lavender, and Seamus when the thing fell out of your lunch tote and started playing that other song about weasel stomping. It was a sick, sick song."

"I am telling you it's not my fault and it's not my box."

"If it's not your box, where is yours?"

They watched Weasley kind of shift a bit. "I haven't finished it yet. It's not due to the end of the week. I have plenty of time to work on it."

The song switched to 'I am Weasel.' Harry opened the door of their compartment. "Wow, Weasel, you have your own music accompanying you and it created a song about you. I am impressed. I am not sure if I will be able to outdo your assignment."

Other students had been attracted to their location by the music started laughing. "All hail King Weasel." Draco threw some torn up pieces of parchment to him.

"He needs a crown." Fred Weasley pulled out his wand and created a paper crown for his brother.

"Very impressive prank." George added. "Original, 10 points. I think the two train pranks are slightly higher in the ranking."

"I do agree, they are. Now, creative use of spells, 10 points."

"Annoyance factor for the victim, 20 points."

"Laugh factor for everyone else, 20 points." They said together. "Too bad, we can't give points."


All the students were following Weasley as the music box played Weasel Stomping Day and each time they song mentioned the word stomp, the students all stomped their feet. Weasley was almost a pruce color as he made it to his seat. "Weasley, cease that infernal racket." Severus ordered.

"I have tried." Weasley whined.

Dumbledore sighed. He wasn't sure who was doing the pranks but they needed to stop. He raised his wand and sent a finite at the box, only to have it explode." No one spoke for several minutes, Harry raised his hand. "Yes, Harry?"

"I have a question. The music box that was just destroyed was part of our transfiguration assignment. Is he going to be allowed extra time to construct a new box?"

"I am sure Professor McGonagall will take the box destruction into account. I believe a few extra days will cover it." Dumbledore smiled.

"Well, that isn't fair. Just because he can't transfigure his box correctly, he gets a few more days?" Soon whispers of the unfairness spread. The dissatisfaction carried to the other years until finally, it made it to the staff table.

Severus hid his smirk as Dumbledore quietly said to Minerva. "I believe we might need to extend the deadline for all the students on that assignment."

Minerva didn't answer him but as she was leaving the hall, she stopped by Weasley. "Mr. Weasley, I am aware that wasn't your box, you will not get an extension. Your assignment is due at the end of the week." She walked out of the hall to the song "I am Weasel." from the lingering music box piece that stored the music.


The rest of January past fairly slowly with the regular pranks that most of the staff and students expected. Harry made it a habit to avoid the Gryffindors.

"Look, it's Death Eater Potter." Weasley grinned as he finally had Harry cornered or so he thought.

"King Weasel, sorry but I don't even know a Death Eater. What exactly does a Death Eater look like? Have you ever seen one? Can you describe them? Inquiring minds want to know." Harry wanted to get away from the stairs. He didn't trust Weasley not to do something stupid. He hoped he could keep the idiot talking long enough. He hoped Severus and Draco would wonder why he was delayed. "Do you even know what inquiring means? I know Blaise meant to give you the next step in the flashcards and a dictionary."

"I warned you that you were going to pay and you are." Weasley pulled out his wand. "Stupify." Severus and Draco cast their own Stupify on Weasley.

Harry slowly woke up. He blinked a few times. He realized he was in the Infirmary. "Well, that plan backfired." He muttered to himself.

"What plan?" Draco asked.

"I was hoping to keep Weasley talking long enough for you to arrive and have it be before he cast anything." Harry stated. "How long?"

"A few hours. We caught him as he pulled out his wand and cast. You took a long fall down the stairs. He was slammed into the wall." Draco answered. "Dumbledore is trying to keep him from being suspended."

"You have to be kidding me? Aunt Petunia is going to be furious."

"I know." Draco grinned. "I already sent her a note. Dumbledore wouldn't allow Severus to send one."

"I wonder what type of howler she is going to send to him this time?"


Petunia read the note from Draco, she handed it to Vernon. "Well?"

"Yes, go ahead." Vernon told her.

Petunia grinned.


The next morning, Harry walked to breakfast with Draco. He had promised Poppy that he would return if he had any problems. He really wanted to see what his aunt was going to do. The owls began to drop letters, packages, and newspapers off for everyone. Dumbledore was a bit surprised to have an envelope drop in front of him. He read the envelope and gave a slight smirk. He knew it wasn't a howler from Petunia. He had set the wards to prevent any dwarves from entering Hogwarts. He wasn't going to take any chances. However, he did a few scans of the letter. Nothing magical, he put his wand away and opened the letter. BOOM, black smoke emitted from the envelope. Everyone jumped a bit in their seats. Dumbledore hair and beard were on fire. Minerva quickly put it out.


Harry dear, write to us. Let us know how you are fairing. When you come home on Friday night, we are heading straight to Dr. Tanner's office.

"I will say it again, your aunt rocks." Draco had been watching Poppy reattached Dumbledore's nose and ears.

Weasley was suspended for two weeks, once Dumbledore had a chance to reread the letter.


February arrived and they decided on a lovely prank for Valentine's Day. Harry ordered a few things for the day. Severus was drinking his third cup of coffee as they placed the last of the slinkies on the last step. They, of course, had to test their slinkies before setting up the prank and had a few slinky races up and down the stairway. Harry placed the last one as Severus lazily lifted his wand and said the spell.

"Cameras?" Harry asked.

"Already in place."



Dumbledore stormed into the staff lounge, his magic was flowing around him. "I take it you couldn't get rid of the metal things going up and down the stairs?" Poppy asked.

"No, some of the students have taken to setting up races for the things." Dumbledore muttered. "When I do a Finite Incarnation, they speed up, and turn red, throw out rose petals. When I try a stunner, they jump into the air and firecrackers emit showing hearts. If we freeze them, we can't pick them up as they spread on the ground to spell out happy valentine's day. The lettered slinkies are red and the border ones are white. I am at a loss as to what to try to do."

"Let the magic of the items wear out." Filius commented.

Severus was laughing, inwardly. He had soaked the slinkies overnight in an anti-magic potion, that included some glue to get the slinkies to stay on in the area of the spell. There was some rubber that would prevent them from slipping and Harry's idea of adding water to make the metal cold to the touch. All the slinkies would be coiled up in the morning for the students to keep.


"Why is she coming over here?" Vincent asked as they watched Granger weaved her way towards them in the library.

"I have no idea." Greg answered.

"Hi, you're Goyle and Crabbe?"

"Yes." They answered.

"I was informed you need a tutor for your subjects." She sat down.

They exchanged a look. They didn't need any tutors. They were actually doing very well in their classes. "Look, Dragon, a lion is visiting us snakes." Harry peeked around the stack of books he was carrying. "Vincent, the book on the American Civil War is on top."

"Thanks, Harry." Vincent took the book.

"Dragon has yours, Greg." Harry set the remaining books down on the table. "You are in my seat." He really didn't understand why the bushy-haired girl kept insisting on trying to be their friend. He had seen her too many times speaking to Dumbledore to trust her.

"There are plenty of other seats." She replied.

"They are taken." Draco informed her as he placed his stack of books down. "Vin, I wrote to my uncle in the US. He said if you have any questions or want to learn more, he will gladly correspond with you. If you need a formal introduction, my father can do it."

"Great, I appreciate you writing to him. My dad said if I do well in Binns' class he will allow him to go to America for my sixteenth birthday."

"It will help you earn a degree in History." Greg smiled at his friend.

"You want to get a degree in History? Did you know that muggles have all different classification on history? Most specialize in one period." Granger hoped this angle would work. Dumbledore wanted her to get close to Harry.

"I am aware. I want to specialize in the American Civil War." Vincent glared.

"Almost got the Snape glare down, a bit more lip." Blaise said as he joined them.

"Let's check the books out. We will be able to have our privacy in the common room." Draco was wondering why Harry wasn't saying much.

Everyone stood up, except Granger, she looked like she was trying but she couldn't get out of the chair. "See ya later alligator." Harry commented to her.

"In a while crocodile." Greg added. "Did I get it right?"

"You did. Very good." Harry added. "I have some more we can learn later.'

"You glued her to the chair didn't you?" Draco asked after they checked out their books and they could see Granger was still trying to get off of the chair.

"Yes, I did. We still had some Superglue left and frankly, she is starting to annoy me." Harry answered. "Plus, I can say we were testing it on magical stain resistant furniture."

Draco and the other laughed.


The doors to the Great Hall opened and suddenly three and four-leaf clovers fell from the ceiling as leprechauns came dancing in. They had the Riverdance music going and they did the Irish Jig around the tables passing out miniature pots, with gold foiled covered chocolate coins in each one. They performed for a good fifteen minutes after that. They danced their way back out and the doors closed.

Everyone had green hair and was dressed in green. Their skin was silver with specks of gold. "How did you get the specks of gold?" Draco quietly asked.

"Severus did it. He found some potion that would allow us to keep the dyes separated." Harry answered.

Chapter Text

Harry grinned at Severus. They had removed everything from the Headmaster's office and set it up to be the exact set up on the lawn in front of Hogwarts door. Draco, Theo, Blaise, Pansy, and Daphne had assisted them. Severus held up the last of the pink post-its. "One left." All the furniture had been replaced with cardboard, the books in the bookshelf were newspaper covered cardboard with post-its as titles. On Dumbledore's new desk everything was made out of colorful post-its and newspapers. His candy dish was now made out of newspaper with yellow post-it's shape like his lemon drops. His chair was cardboard with purple post-its serving as the arms and headrests. They even had a post-it covered cardboard for Fawkes and the sorting hat.

"An egg for Fawkes?" Harry asked.

Severus grinned.

"Pansy just warned us, he is on his way." Draco stated.

They had used the house elves to get the old fart away. They knew the Weasley twins had something planned and they used that time to move everything. They had spent days in an unused classroom down in the dungeons creating everything, planning on how to move the items, and how to do it fast.


Harry was sitting with Draco at the Slytherin table for breakfast when the Weasley twins entered with Lee Jordan. "I am telling you, we are losing our title." Fred or maybe George stated.

"We have to find who is doing these epic pranks." The other one handed a piece of parchment to his brother.

"What is that parchment?" Draco asked.

"I am not sure but they carry it everywhere and refer to it a lot." Harry answered.

Dumbledore entered through the side entrance. He didn't sit down, instead, he shot a firecracker into the air. "While I do appreciate a good prank the students responsible for the state of my office and my furniture being outside needs to come forward. This prank was over the line."

"Like that is going to get anyone to admit to it." Dean Thomas cracked.

"Disrespect, Thomas, five points." Severus remarked.

"I expect the students responsible for this prank to be in my office by lunch." Dumbledore tried to send a stern look to each table but it didn't work with the Gryffindors.

"You know if a Gryffindor owned up to that prank, they might get detention, anyone else would earn a month of them." Theo commented.

Pansy leaned forward. "Harry, why are you looking at the ceiling?"

"I'm not. I am looking at the banners." Harry answered. "At the end of the year, they reflect the winners of the house cup correct?"

"Yes, and Gryffindor usually wins." A seventh-year answered as he heard the question as he walked by.

Harry sent Draco a smirk. "We will have to make sure to change that."


Dumbledore was in the staff room for the monthly staff meeting. "As anyone heard anything about these pranks?"

"I heard that a lot of them are based on muggle items." Pomona said. "Some of my muggle-born puff have explained what a sinky is and how they work. What a postit and something called supglu are."

Severus didn't laugh out loud, he wanted to, but he refrained.

"My Lions have been having races with the things. Miss Granger has been informing everyone what the different items are, and sadly, it's creating a bit of conflict in the common room."

"Why?" Filius asked.

"Well, frankly, it's her attitude. The superiority complex and her always saying "it says in" is alienating the others in the house. She has also been commanding people into study groups and trying to force what they should study." Minerva hated to bad mouth one of her lions but the rest of them were getting very annoyed.

"Have you spoken to her?" Poppy asked.

"Numerous times, I was informed that she isn't going to conform to what everyone else expects her to be. I firmly told her I don't expect her to conform but I do expect her to respect the other students. I have seen the attitude in the classroom. It is one of the reasons she wasn't in the Great Hall during the troll incident. She had heard someone making fun of her and ran off."

"The hand-waving and shouting out answers when she isn't called on is also alienate others and causing a problem. Some of the other students aren't doing the reading knowing she will just call out the answer." Filius added.

"I am sure we can speak about Hermione another time. We really need to stop these pranks." Dumbledore didn't want to hear people complaining about one of his pets. He needed her to get close to Harry and he wasn't about to have her stop trying to get into one of the boy's study groups.

"It has to be someone who is very familiar with muggle products. It also has to be a group, the size of the pranks show it's more than one student and I don't believe it's a group of first years but some might be involved with a group of upper years. The spells used were complex, some of those pranks were too organized and well, frankly, surprising well crafted. " Minerva commented.

"Great that is just 3/4 of the students." Severus muttered.

"Weeellll, weee know itttt's nooot a SSSSSlytherin." Quirrell stated.

"Why?" Aurora asked. As a former Slytherin, she hated when people judged her house unfairly.

"I believe there is one muggle-born and two half-bloods." Severus answered. "The muggle-born is Andrew Greenish. The half-bloods are the sixth year are Nicolas Yang, the exchange student this year, and Harry Potter."

"Do the Weasley twins have any idea who it might be?" Dumbledore asked.

"No. While at first, I believed it was them, they have always owned up to any prank they have done." Minerva responded.

"Very true." Dumbledore responded.

"All I am going to say on the matter is that at least these pranks haven't been harmful or humiliating for anyone. Yes, I am aware Albus that your office was recreated but you weren't hurt nor were you humiliated." Filius responded. "Too many of the pranks in this school have resulted in someone being bullied, at least this group isn't bullying anyone."

Mummers of agreement spread quickly, especially from those who remembered the Marauders. Dumbledore sighed, he continued the meeting.


Harry came rushing into Severus' office. "We have a problem. Bushy-haired girl, Weasel, and that Neville kid just headed to the third floor. They know Dumbledore is off on some errand or something and think you are going after that stone."

Severus inhaled, put his quill down, covered his inkwell. He had warned Dumbledore about letting the students know. "Go and get Minerva and Filius. Tell them to meet me at Fluffy."

Harry didn't respond but took off running. Severus made his way to the third floor cursing idiotic Gryffindors. He found Fluffy sleeping because of the music box. He pointed to the sleeping dog when Minerva and Filius arrived.

"Potter informed us, I know the shortcut to get down there." Minerva led them down to the second floor, unlocked one of the supply closets, led them to the back of it, released the hidden door. "We need to get them before they get hurt." Minerva looked up at the Devil's Snare but before they could comment they heard some yelling. They ran and found Neville bouncing on a broom as the keys were flying after him. "Mr. Longbottom."

"Help, they won't stop chasing me." Neville screamed.

Filius ended charm and Neville crashed landed as the keys dropped to the floor. He let out a groan. Severus began a sensor exam. "Nothing broken." He announced. "Where are Weasley and Granger?"

"They went on ahead after Hermione froze the correct key." Neville was helped to his feet by Severus.

They continued on with Neville following behind them. At the chessboard, they found an unconscious Weasley, who was bleeding. They rushed to the fallen boy, Severus already running some scans as Filius conjured a stretcher. "He is going to be fine, slight concussion."

"I will take him and Longbottom up to Poppy." Filius stated.

"We have only Severus' task left as the troll was removed by Albus after the other one was released." Minerva's lips were firmly pressed together. She was furious and her three lions were going to hear about it.

Filius levitated the stretcher. "Come, Longbottom, let's get you looked at."

Severus and Minerva made their way to the potion aspect. They saw Granger as she went to drink. "Drop it. That is poison, you foolish girl."

Granger wasn't expecting to see her two professors and dropped the vial in a panic. "Professor Snape? Professor McGonagall?" She looked at the purple flames. "Who?"

"Not me, clearly." Severus snapped as they approached her. He picked up the correct vial, handed it to Minerva as he produced one out of his pocket. "Shall we?"

"Yes. Granger, stay here, do not move from this room. If you do, I will have you suspended until next November." Minerva warned. As they stepped through the flames, Minerva muttered, "I told him to remove that stone."

"We all told him it was a mistake." Severus replied.

They entered the last room and found Quirrell trying to break the mirror. "You know I am not even surprised." Severus truly wasn't. His voice caused the man to turn around.

"I was just checking the defenses." Quirrell smiled.

"His stutter is gone, again." Minerva had her wand out and ready.

Severus didn't even comment. He just sent a stunner toward the man. Quirrell wasn't ready for it and fell face-first to the ground.

"That had to hurt." Minerva had heard the crack and knew the man's nose was broken. She walked up to the mirror and looked into it. "The Mirror of Erised. Is he nuts?" She felt the stone in her hand. She held it out to Severus. Severus proceeded to tie up a stunned Quirrell.

Dumbledore stepped into the room. "Oh." He was surprised by the events. He had honestly hoped either Harry or Neville would have done the trial. He wasn't sure what happened.

"Yes, oh. Longbottom and Weasley are in the Infirmary. Granger almost swallowed some poison. We found him here trying to get the stone." Minerva was furious. Her knuckles were white as she restrained herself from cursing the Headmaster.

"You can thank Potter for us being able to prevent Quirrell from succeeding." Severus snarled.

"Harry prevented this?" Dumbledore interest was peaked.

"Yes, he actually did the smart thing, he came and informed us." Minerva glared. "Filius took Longbottom and Weasley to the infirmary." She reminded him. "They were injured while doing this course that was set up for a group of first-years to get through. I won't even mention that overgrown mutt at the trap door."

"Now, Minerva."

"Don't you now Minerva me. We warned you, we told you, we asked you, and every time you stated that everything was fine. You stated that no one would get through. You-" She would have continued but Quirrell started moaning.

"I will go and fetch the Aurors." As much as Severus found hearing Minerva lecture Dumbledore he really didn't want to take a chance on the man coming up with a way to make his Lions look good.


*Taken from the movie/book, and changed to fit my needs***

"Another year gone!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. He was standing in his usual spot.

"Finally." Harry muttered. He couldn't wait to spend the whole summer away from Hogwarts. He knew he would still see his friends but he missed spending time with his family. The one weekend a month wasn't enough.

"And I must trouble you with an old man's wheezing waffle before we sink our teeth into our delicious feast. What a year it has been! Hopefully, your heads are all a little fuller than they were." He smiled at everyone, his eyes twinkling. "You have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts." No one laughed at his joke. "Now, as I understand it, the House Cup here needs awarding, and the points stand thus: In fourth place, Gryffindor, with three hundred and twelve points; in third, Hufflepuff, with three hundred and fifty-two; Ravenclaw has four hundred and twenty-six and Slytherin, four hundred and seventy-two."

Everyone clapped. Those in the Slytherin house felt proud. They finally were able to take the cup. They had worked hard for the cup.

"Yes, yes, well done, Slytherin," said Dumbledore. "However, recent events must be taken into account." Everyone at the Slytherin table froze, they knew what he was going to do and looked at Severus, who was furious. The Slytherins had planned a party for their victory. "Ahem," said Dumbledore. "I have a few last-minute points to dish out. Let me see. Yes, first, to Mr. Ronald Weasley for the best-played game of chess Hogwarts has seen in many years. I award Gryffindor House sixty points."

"Woohoo, that is our brother." The Weasley twins jumped up out of their seats and congratulated Weasel. Harry and Draco glared. They weren't going to let this go. They were going to make Dumbledore pay for this.

"Second, to Miss Hermione Granger, for the use of cool logic in the face of fire, I award Gryffindor House sixty points."

Slytherin table didn't move. They couldn't believe Dumbledore was doing this. He was stealing their hard earned cup. He was taking the hard work of everyone away and giving it to the ones that cost the house the most points, to begin with.

"Third, to Neville Longbottom -." said Dumbledore. The room went deadly quiet. "for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award Gryffindor House sixty points." He smiled at his favorite house, "which means, we need a little change of decoration."

Harry looked around the hall, no one but Gryffindor was celebrating. He got up and walked over to the trio of idiots. "This isn't the house of the brave, this is the house of the cheaters." He walked away.

"Potter, no one likes a sore loser." Weasel shouted as Harry exited the Hall.


"I am ashamed to take the cup this year." Minerva stated. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself Albus. You know those points were unfairly awarded."

Severus watched Harry speak to the Gryffindor trio. "Potter, no one likes a sore loser." He watched Harry walk out of the Great Hall.

Minerva and Severus exchanged a quick look as Dumbledore asked, "what is the problem with Harry?"

"I don't know. Do you think it could be the fact that if he didn't get Minerva, Severus, and I, those three might have died?" Filius responded.

"Granger was about to drink poison when we came upon her. How that is logical I will never understand." Severus snapped out. He wondered what Harry was planning on doing on the train. He had a feeling the prank he had planned was just nixed and a new one was being created.

"It's a bit late to give him points." Dumbledore cheerfully replied.

"I bet if he was in Gryffindor it wouldn't be." Pomona muttered but everyone at the staff table heard her.


The train was leaving in a few hours and Severus was getting worried, he hadn't seen Harry since last night. He entered the common room and found Harry chatting away with his friends. The boy was too chipper. He knew he had done something. He left without asking, he figured if he didn't know, he wouldn't have to answer any questions.


The train was gone and the staff was walking back to Hogwarts. Severus had to finish one more report and the grade the exams before he could leave for the holiday. Dumbledore was standing at the doors. "Albus?" Minerva asked.

"I am afraid we have a problem." Dumbledore stated.

"What now?" Severus asked.

"I can't get into my office or my quarters. I can't even access the floo to get into them." Dumbledore looked frustrated. "Each time I try I get a message saying "cheaters never prosper" from my guardian, my floo says "lying and stealing are next-door neighbors." I have tried everything."

Severus wondered how Harry did that. He looked at Minerva, who said, "good luck in finding who did it, you have three houses to weed through."


Severus arrived at Malfoy Manor. He could hear laughing and headed in that direction. "I am telling you, I don't know how he did it." Draco responded.

"It had to be a spell." Theo stated.

"Charm." Pansy said.

"What are you debating?" Severus asked.

"Harry turned Father's hair blue with green, red, silver, and yellow stripes but it wasn't a potion." Draco explained.

"Where is your partner in crime?" He asked.

"Yours too. I think he is in the library." Draco smirked.

Severus headed to the library. He saw Harry curled up in a chair with a book. "I must say, Dumbledore still can't get into his office."

Harry grinned. "He won't unless he suddenly can speak ancient Greek."

"You changed the passwords?"

"Yes, his override was lemon drops so I changed his base one, his override, and set up password protection on the Guardian and floo. Lucius provided me with the books, I studied your door with the books I got from the library."

"Very impressive."

Chapter Text

Harry was watching the crowds standing around the pompous male pitching his books. Harry pushed his way into the store, he slowly made his way up the stairs to the first floor, peering over the railing, he saw the crowd of women gathered, all waiting for the blond idiot to do something. Harry grinned down at Trevor. "Trev, how about we have some fun?"

Trevor nodded his head. Harry pulled out his wand and cast a few spells. "Have fun." He wasn't sure how long it was going to before everyone joined. Draco was using the loo, and the adults were busy finishing their lunch.

Trevor hopped away. Draco joined him. "We should have come another day." Harry had the tip of his wand slightly past his fingers, while the rest of it was covered by his sleeves. His arm was hanging over the railing. He cast the spell.

"How dare you!" A female shirked and hit the male closest to her. The man had been reading the back of a book.

"I didn't do anything." The man held up his hands, showing he didn't even have his wand out.

"Ahhh." Another female screamed. At people's questioning looks she said, "someone just pinched my behind."

"Harry, who is the ugly short kid?" Draco hoped the boy kid didn't come to Hogwarts, he would be eaten alive by bullies.

"Trevor." Harry answered.

"As in Trevor the frog?" Draco was trying not to laugh as more and more females were wondering what was going on.

"Now, now, ladies, relax, everyone will get to greet me. I will sign everyone's books. I also will be doing a photo op for all. After all, I have won the Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile for five years, I would love the title again." The blond idiot announced. "Also, in a little bit, I will have the most amazing announcement."

After a few minutes, Harry and Draco headed back downstairs. They were standing by the front doors when Harry heard, "isn't it thrilling! Gilderoy Lockhart's going to be there! We can actually meet him! I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!." Harry looked and found the bushy-haired girl almost bouncing in excitement. He wondered if she lived off of sugar. He suddenly realized what she said and pulled out his book list. He looked at Draco. "Aunt Petunia is going to kill Dumbledore." As soon as Aunt Petunia saw the pompous fool she was going to make the boys buy different books. He also had a feeling Severus already had a list they would need.

"I know." Draco grinned. They were watching the self-proclaimed handsome, golden-haired wizard with stunning pearl-white teeth. They watched as he worked the cameras. "I feel sick." They were getting sick watching the man prance around like one of Lucius' peacocks.

Harry pointed to a moving photograph that was propped by the front door. The placard declared:


"We should have come another day." Draco muttered. Harry bent down and picked up Trevor as he hopped to Harry.

"Harry, have you gotten your books?" Aunt Petunia asked as the Dursley and Malfoy family arrived.

"No, look at the crowd. They are waiting for the pretty boy to do something." Harry answered.

"Well, let's get this over with." Narcissa stated. Harry and the others thread their way through the ever-growing chattering mob of old ladies, call craning their necks for a view of Lockhart, who was now sitting signing books at the rear of the shop.

Mrs. Weasley, grabbing her daughter, pointing. "There he is!"

Dudley leaned close to Harry and Draco. "It seems like Weasel's mother has a bit of a crush."

"We know." They were already developing ideas. They get bumped as a short man with a camera tried to work his way towards the blond idiot.

"Come on, out of the way! This is for The Daily Prophet!"

They all watch Lockhart practical jump up, his smile flashing when Harry locked eyes with the peacock. "Peacock." Harry muttered but Draco and Dudley realized that is what Harry is going to be referring to Lockhart as.

"It can't be Harry Potter?" Lockhart smile seemed to get bigger.

"Why not? I need to get my books like everyone else." Harry started to back away. The smile was freaking him out. He was ignoring the crowd whispering and suddenly Lockhart seized his hand and pulled him toward him.

Lockhart whispered. "Nice big smile, Harry. Together, you and I rate the front page." The camera flashed.

"Stranger danger." Harry started yelling. "Help, stranger danger." He was trying to pull away from the man without giving away his skills.

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon pushed their way to their nephew. "Let my nephew go, right now." Vernon bellowed.

"How dare you grab my nephew! Who do you think you are? Are you trying to kidnap him?" Petunia started grilling the man.

"Ladies and gentlemen! What an extraordinary moment this is! When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts this morning-"

"Don't you dare ignore my wife. Someone call the police." Vernon yelled.

"This is a slight misunderstanding. We just need to take advantage of the photo op this presents." Lockhart quietly spoke. "Now, just smile." The camera hadn't stopped flashing.

Petunia lifted her heavy purse, swung it, and sent Lockhart crashing to the floor. "You don't touch children, you pervert."

"What is going on here?" One of the three Aurors asked. An assistant was helping Lockhart up.

"This man pulled my nephew out of the crowd, grabbing him, and started trying to hug him. We don't know who he is." Vernon stated. "He even ignored us when we told him to let him go. My nephew was even yelling for help."

"Auror, I assure you it's an innocent misunderstanding." Lockhart smiled. "I am here signing my new autobiography, Magical Me -- which, incidentally is celebrating its twenty-seventh week atop The Daily Prophet's Bestseller List, I had no idea Harry didn't know me."

"He is a stranger." Harry pointed to Lockhart. "He just yanked me to him." He played the innocent 12-year-old act.

"Now, I know young Harry planned on buying my new book, however, in fact, he will be leaving here with my entire collected works! Free of charge!"

As the crowd clapped, Petunia turned on them. "If this had been your child, would you be happy that a total stranger latched onto your child and pulled him away from the safety of his family?" Suddenly all the clapping stopped. "We don't know who he is."

Lockhart was trying to shove a towering stack of books into Harry's arms. "You aren't buying your way out of this." Vernon glared.

"I believe this is a simple matter to clear up. Mr. Lockhart, we are going to issue you a fine and a warning about pulling children away from their parents. If there weren't as many witnesses, you could have been charged with attempting kidnapping." The first Auror was handing a piece of parchment by the second Auror. He read it, signed his name and handed it to Lockhart. "You have two weeks to pay the fine." One of the Aurors left.

Harry glared down at the stack of books, he caught Dudley's eyes, who nodded. "I understand, Auror, it was a bit of a surprise to see Mr. Potter here. I am sure everything is now settled."

"You stay away from my nephew or you will find out what a Muggle howler is." Petunia stated. The students in the store snorted as they remembered what Harry's aunt had already done.

"Ladies and gentlemen! What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time. I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" He smiled as the camera went off again. He certainly didn't want that little scene to be the last thing anyone remembered and was thankful he hadn't announced his new adventure.

Harry walked to the front of the store after dumping the books into someone's cauldron. "They are yours." The girl smiled, turned bashful before running toward her mother.

Weasel appeared out of nowhere. "Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter? Famous Harry Potter can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."

"Leave him alone, Ron." Ginny Weasley smiled at Harry. Harry looked at her and realized he made a mistake. He had given the girl the books. He didn't need another Weasley stalker.

"Ginny, you don't what he is like. He is a snake."

"Same tune, Weasel?" Draco sneered. Dudley was on the other side of Harry.

"Now, now, Draco. Play nicely." Lucius placed the silver snake of his walking stick on Draco's shoulder.

"Oh, you have to call Daddy to fight your battles. See, Ginny, snakes have no honor. They are no better than You-Know-Who." Weasel informed his sister.

"No, who?" Harry loved watching Weasel turn all shades of red when he asked that question.

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." Weasel glared.

"No, I don't know who must be named. I mean how do you have a conversation without confusing who you are speaking about. I mean, you might be asking someone like "does you know who know about the you know what?" It just seems you are creating problems. I mean you know you could be used in so many ways." He loved messing with the idiot's mind. "I could be keeping a secret and saying "did you know who find it out?"

Weasel feeling brave replied, "Voldemort."

"Hmm, you must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish." Lucius calmly stated. He could see another crowd was listening to them.

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." The bushy-haired girl retorted, quoting Dumbledore.

"And you must be, Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you and your parents." Lucius glanced over to the Grangers who are speaking with Arthur Weasley. He knew Arthur was most likely grilling the poor muggles about their culture. "Muggles, aren't they?" He wondered if the Grangers haven't noticed the way their daughter is being lulled into stupidity. "Let me see. Red hair, vacant expressions." He reached down and took a book out of Ginny's cauldron. "Tatty, secondhand book. You must be the Weasleys."

"Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside." Arthur blatantly ignored Lucius which considering Lucius was a Lord and they were both pure-bloods was very insulting.

"Weasley Senior." Lucius turned and was about to introduce Petunia and Vernon. They had joined him with Narcissa carrying a few packages.

"Go to your mother." Arthur glared at the two people who joined them with Narcissa. "Lucius."

"Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur."

"Oh, I have been meaning to speak to someone in your government. Dumbledore has been bothering my nephew." Vernon stepped forward.

"Dumbledore is a great man." Arthur was furious. "Just because you select to associate with Muggle haters, doesn't mean I will."

"Muggle haters?" Vernon was confused. Granted they weren't fully muggles, Vernon was a squib and so was Dudley but Petunia was a Muggle.

"He is confused, clearly." Lucius stated.

"I am not confused but we do have very different ideas of what makes a proper wizard and what should be considered a disgraceful wizard."

Narcissa touched Lucius' sleeve. "I believe we need to be leaving. I'll see you at work."

Petunia looked at Vernon. "I am so glad we didn't listen to Lily and James if that is the type of people that support that idiot Dumbledore. Why we are Muggles and spent a lot of time at Malfoy Manor." The crowd soaked up that bit of gossip.

"We are going to have to return here. I am not allowing that Peacock to tell me what books to read." Harry declared. "Lucius, how do peacocks respond when they lose their feathers?"

"Let me give you a lesson on peacocks." Lucius grinned.

Chapter Text

Draco and Harry were sitting in their compartment waiting for everyone else to arrive. "Draco, Weasel is by himself." They had arrived early in order to avoid anyone Dumbledore might have arranged to be on the platform.

"Do you think the talk your aunt had with Granger's parents worked?" Draco could see the red-haired Weasleys were all rushing about but no Granger. They had been watching them and could tell they were also looking for Harry. It had been hinted at in a meeting that Harry needed Dumbledore's guidance and Severus had felt they might even use potions.

"Aunt Petunia didn't think it did. She felt like the Grangers didn't believe her. She even showed them my letters." Petunia had arrived back home after meeting Jean and Edward Granger. She found them to be an adult version of the bushy-haired girl Harry had described to her. Harry and Dudley had laughed when she informed them that while they may be dentists they were clueless about social interactions and it did explain their daughter.

"You know he won't make it without her." Draco commented as their compartment door was opened and Pansy, Blaise, Theo, and Daphne entered.

"You won't believe what we just heard." Pansy rushed out. Theo barely had time to close the door before Pansy was speaking.

"Hello Pans, how are you?" Harry asked.

"Harry, it's Granger, her parents won't let her return." Pansy was almost bouncing with excitement as she ignored Harry's comment.

"I'm fine, Pans, so is Dragon." Harry continued. He saw the annoyed looked Pansy gave him. "We kind of already figured that out. We just mentioned how well my aunt's visit to her parents must have gone."

"I don't think she will remain gone." Blaise remarked. "We won't be that lucky."

"It won't last. Dumbledore will talk to her parents. I wouldn't be surprised if she was sitting at Hogwarts when we arrive. You heard the Weasley family." Theo stated.

"True." Daphne remarked. Everyone was finally seated. "Where are Vince and Greg?"

"They're out delivering some food." Harry cryptically answered causing all of them to wonder what Harry had done for the train ride.

"What were they saying?" Draco asked.

"Mrs. Weasley was going to immediately write to the Dumbledore. She would get him to fix the situation. You know he will do that eye twinkling routine, say how safe Hogwarts is, and how much their daughter needs to learn magic." Blaise commented. "He always gets his way."

"Until Harry." Draco snorted.

"If she returns, she returns, if not, well, it's not going to change our plans. Though I have to admit I wanted to see how she would look with some of those pranks we have." Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think Weasley will know what to do without a brain."


Draco and Harry were watching almost everyone reluctantly leave the train. Anyone who wasn't on their train car was not happy campers. Blaise stepped closer. "I think you used to much frog's spleen."

"I agree. I didn't think that shade of green existed." Draco remarked. Every single student was a funky lime green color, had a tail, and rabbit ears.

"The potion for making look like a rabbit, said 1/2 a cup." Harry replied.

Draco closed his eyes. "Harry that is in American. Remember Auggie explained how there is a difference in their measurements. You used the British measuring cup."

"Oh." Harry smirked. "Well, I just created a new potion."

"There is a positive spin on things." Daphne laughed. As they watched Hagrid try and gather the first years while dealing with the angry lime green students with rabbit ears.


"Does it count as a new potion?" Harry asked Severus as they were working on the antidote to the potion Harry had used.

Severus didn't reply right away but instead asked: "how did you manage to get that many people?" He saw Harry was reading his old potion journal from Hogwarts. "Yes, you did. Now come and cut these spleens for me."

"I baked cookies." Harry picked up the knife and began to work.


Harry glared down at the test they were given. "Is he serious?"

Draco and Blaise exchanged a quick look as they too were wondering about the test. Harry could see the bushy-haired girl was already writing away. He wondered what Dumbledore did to get her back at Hogwarts. He saw the blond ponce settle himself down on his desktop.

"Tell me we are going to do something about him?" Draco quietly asked.

"Yes, we are. Your father was very informative about peacocks." Harry replied.

The group of Slytherin students smirked evilly at Lockhart and they saw the man give them a wary look.


"Severus, have you seen Gilderoy this morning?" Dumbledore sat down.

"No, I have a habit of avoiding the man whenever I am able." Severus took a sip of his morning cup of coffee. He wondered what Harry did to the man. He knew his second year Slytherins had a class yesterday with him and knew how little respect they had for Lockhart.

"He won't be joining us this morning. He is a tad upset about his new looks." Poppy stated from her seat.

"What happened?" Dumbledore asked. It had taken almost the whole summer holiday to work his way back into his office, and he only got in because he finally contacted the DoM and they sent someone over by the name of Ambers. He recognized the man from when he was a student, his real name was Augustus Rookwood. It had taken the man three days to find the correct overrides and get him into his own office.

"Well, he could pass for your much older brother with a beard and hair longer than yours." Poppy answered. "He also has about three more stones to his weight."

"Oh dear." Was heard about the table. Dumbledore, however, had to be different and asked Severus if he could brew a potion to fix Lockhart.

"Nothing worked, it will just have to wear out. I am leaving it up to you to get him back to teaching. I believe he is hiding in his quarters." Poppy answered.



Harry was researching their latest charms assignment when he noticed the bushy-haired girl heading toward him. She looked furious and he knew it was directed at him for some reason. He lowered his book and waited. "I can't believe you."

"I am sure if you tried hard enough you would. However, since I have no idea of what you are speaking about, I don't want to claim responsibility first."

"You and your aunt are the reason I almost didn't get to return to here."

"You actually wanted to return? Interesting, I am trying to leave." Harry answered. "What was your secret? How did my aunt keep you from returning?"

"She visited my parents."

"That was bad?" Harry really wondered why the girl wanted to be here. She almost died last term.

"Yes, very bad. She told them about the troll, the poison, the possessed professor." She started to pace. "Headmaster Dumbledore had to promise I wasn't in danger for them to allow me to return."

"Well, it worked as you are here. So what is your problem? You didn't want your parents to know the truth?" He watched her stop and look closely at him like she was searching for something. He knew she wouldn't find whatever she was looking for. "Didn't you tell them?"

"No, I was going to but I wanted to give them time to accept me as being a witch. While they have been supportive, I know they are worried."

"They should be." Harry answered. "Your choice, however, nice safe muggle world or here where you get attacked by all kinds of weird things. It's up to you." Harry rose from his chair. "Why you ponder that, also ponder this, how were three first years able to do that course when it was set up to be a protective course designed to keep everyone out, meaning any fully-trained adult wizards?" He walked away.


"Lockhart is back teaching again." Greg sat down at the Slytherin table. He heard the groans of almost everyone as he started to fill his plate for lunch.

Harry smirked as he watched Lockhart enter the Great Hall and made his way to his seat. As soon as the man sat down, his chair dumped him on the floor. Everyone started laughing. Lockhart got up and tried it again, only to land on the floor and have his chair take off on him.

"You knew that already didn't you?" Greg asked.

"We saw him this morning walking the halls, signing autographs." Draco responded. "He actually tried to drag Harry into a lesson on how to handle his fame."

The group sitting at the table covered their laughter at the very idea of Lockhart actually trying to pull Harry into a classroom. Harry would make the man regret the very idea of teaching him anything. "I wonder." Daphne stated.

"What?" Pansy asked.

"If he is so great, did all those adventures, why is he so much of failure? I mean he can't cast, his stories are more about his hair and things, how do we know they aren't faked?"

Harry and Draco exchanged a quick look. Harry gave Draco a slight smirk. Blaise and Theo saw the exchange. "We want in." Theo and Blaise said.

"Oh, all of us are going to be in on this. Vincent, Greg, can you work on getting a schedule of his roamings? Not just his classes." Harry asked.

"We already have one. He spends a lot of time in front of his mirror." Vincent added.

"Great, now, here is the plan." Harry stated as all of them moved in closer.

Severus glanced down at the Slytherin table and saw the group of his snakes with their heads bent together. He looked at Lockhart, he decided not to warn the man.


"Mirrors?" Harry asked.

"All set, all of them will show him with zits, bad, oily hair, stuff in his teeth." Draco answered. "When he sleeps, I set a spell on his pillow that will make little black dots appear on his face as if he has blackheads."

"Clothes?" Harry looked at Pansy and Daphne.

"All set, the clothes are slowly going to shrink in size. We have it set to do down 1/2 a size every three days. We also have his more colorful robes to look old and dull." Pansy answered.

"His shoes will also shrink a bit, enough for him to walk around but not comfortable. They will tighten just enough to make him think he needs wider ones." Daphne answered.


Theo and Blaise smirked. "All his photos will show him with missing teeth, oily hair, and will give insults."

"Quarters?" Harry looked down at his list.

"All set, everything will appear to be black to him." Vincent stated.

"Same with his office." Greg added.

"I handled the detentions." Harry grinned. "You will love it. I set it so that anyone who enters the room will sign his photos with different insults. They will range from "I am an idiot" to "I have false teeth" in their remarks."

"I don't think he will last to the end of October." Draco grinned.

"Bets?" Pansy asked.

"Yes, set up the usual pool." Harry answered.


Severus watched as Lockhart entered the staff room. He looked like something not even Hagrid's animals would drag in. The man was a mess. His hair was sticking up in the air, his clothes looked like they were ready to explode off of him. He had black marker dots on his face, the man wasn't smiling, and hobbled to his seat. Severus wondered what his second-year snakes did to the man. He needed to speak to Harry.


"They are coming over here." Greg warned as they saw the three Gryffindors coming toward them in the library.

Harry didn't even glance up as the trio arrived at their table. The red-hair girl spoke first. "Hi, I'm Ginny Weasley. I wanted to thank you for the books." Harry looked at her, he was hoping that since he had ignored her since the start of the new school year, she would take the hint. "I really love them."

"Good." Harry responded.

"I am wondering if you would be able to help me with Defense." She continued.

"No." Harry didn't even look up from his book. "Dragon, have you started your charms assignment?"

"No, I just finished my Herbology." Neville had helped them with it but they weren't going to tell the lions that.

"See I told you they were evil." Weasel started.

"You would think he would have learned a new phrase by now. I thought we had him fixed." Theo stated.

"No, we forget to give him the new flashcards." Pansy told Theo.

"Blaise, you are slacking on your training of the lions." Draco smirked.

"You know it's not necessary to be rude." The bushy-haired girl informed them. "Ginny just wanted to tell Harry thanks."

"I don't believe I gave you permission to use my first name." Harry lowered his book. "I don't even know the three of you."

The red-head leaned closer to Harry. "You gave me all those books by Lockhart."

Harry felt her hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand. "Unhand me."

"Manhandling a student. Ten points from Gryffindor." Severus turned the corner with a book under his arm.

The snakes all hide their smirks as Weasley pulled the other two lions away.


Harry and Severus were sitting on top of the Astronomy Tower. They were discussing their latest prank on the Gryffindors that left the trio dressed like ducks, including quacking when they spoke. "Isn't that the peacock?" Harry pointed to a figure down on the ground.

Severus peered over the edge. "Yes, what is he doing?"

"He's leaving I believe." Harry answered.

"Well, I won on that bet. I said he would be gone by tomorrow night." Severus answered.

"I thought he would hold out for a few more weeks, at least until the end of October. I guess we need to find a new thing to do for Halloween."

"I am sure you can think of something interesting." Severus grinned. "Your aunt will send supplies." Severus wished he had known this version of Petunia when they were younger.

"How do you think they would respond to a bouncy room filled with balls?"

"Bouncy room?"

"I will explain it to you." Harry grinned as he began to think of what would be needed to turn the Great Hall into a bouncy castle.

Petunia read the letter from Harry. "The peacock is already gone. Severus won the bet."

"I had next week." Vernon commented. "Does he need anything?"

"He wants us to get a bouncy house for him."

"A bouncy house?" Vernon was confused. What could the boy be doing now?

"I am so glad he didn't prank us. I'm going to want to see the memory of this prank." Aunt Marge smirked. "I wonder who they will get for the replacement Professor for DADA?"

"Me." Auggie stated as he entered the room. "Dumbledore submitted the paperwork and my boss approved it."

"Oh, I know some snakes who are going to love that." Marge stated.

Chapter Text

Rookwood had to hide his smirk as Severus joined him. They were watching Dumbledore attempts to get the Great Hall and front entrance back to normal but all the students were bouncing on and off of the walls, floor, and ceiling. The rest of the staff were trying to get the students out of the bouncy castle and bouncy hall. When Dumbledore tried to cast a counter on the bouncy walls, he triggered the water balloons that were on the ceilings. The students started laughing as they grabbed the balloons and a water balloon fight started.

Harry appeared next to them. "Darn, I missed breakfast."

"Students head back to your common rooms. Breakfast will be served there, classes will be delayed." McGonagall announced.

The students started groaning. Harry smirked as he watched her announcement set off the next part of the prank and a waterslide filled the Great Hall doorway, with curves and twists, heading out the front door. Water started to fill the slide and head out the front doors. Students started yelling in joy, suddenly almost all the student body were in swimsuits.

"Why not all?" Severus quietly asked.

"Set it for only those who wanted to try." Rookwood whispered. "Used one of the more out of date wishing charms."

Severus watched as Dumbledore kept trying to get rid of the prank. "How long?" He knew Harry had to be part of it.

"Just until lunch." Harry answered. "I am not missing two meals. We set up a camera and will be offering photos of the students after dinner tonight."

"Harry, set up the photo request. How much did we decide on?" Draco had approached them while they were talking. Blaise and Theo, with the rest of the second year snakes, were already networking the other students about photos. "Dobby put the notices in the common room bulletin boards."

"Figure a galleon to cover the postage costs." Harry answered.

Dumbledore was getting annoyed at his failures. "Classes will resume after lunch." He recognized that the students weren't going to head to their houses anytime soon as there was a line forming for the slide.


Rookwood didn't show any signs of annoyance but those who knew him knew he was annoyed. "No, Granger, we aren't going to continue with those books. Yes, the new books will be here tomorrow. No, I am not expecting the course objectives to change. I will be providing them as your former professor did not. No, I am not using his marks. Yes, I am going to review everything you should know. No, I am not going to give extra credit, yes, I will assist those in need, and yes, again, my office hours are posted." The girl was annoying. He thought that Harry and Severus weren't kidding about the girl.

"Professor Rookwood, are we going to have an assignment tonight?" The bushy-haired girl waved her hand and asked before Augustus could call on her. He had planned to ignore her.

"Granger, cease. I will give you the information as it is required or needed. I would prefer to use classroom time to actually instruct. If you have more questions regarding the book or course aims, visiting hours are posted outside of my office. Now, students, I am going to have you take your wands and show me the correct movement for the simple shield spell I have on the board. As we go down the list, it will help determine where I need to review and allow me to see what area you need assistance in." Harry saw the hand up in the air. "Granger put your hand down, pull out your wand and start on the list. If you can't do that, there is the door."

Draco leaned close to Harry. "I give her a minute before her hand is up in the air."

"Bet?" Blaise asked, leaning forward. "I think Harry has the pool on the number of times she raises her hand."

"Yes, I do. If she does it three more times I win." Harry grinned.

Rookwood was walking around correcting wand movement. The hand went up again. "Granger, five points for not following directions."

"Come on, two more times." Harry whispered. He grinned at the end of class. "We can get some more supplies."


Dumbledore decided he needed some better ideas and called a mini-Order meeting. As everyone was settling down, he summoned some tea. Once it was served he began his new campaign. He looked at Lupin, who had already agreed to start teaching next year. He saw Molly and Arthur were quietly talking to Minerva, while Severus just arched an eyebrow at him. "Thank you for coming. I have called you here to discuss Harry-" That was as far as he got before everyone was booted out of his office, staring at the gargoyle.

"Albus, what is going on?" Molly asked.

"Another prank." He answered.

"I will kill those two." Molly ground out.

"Molly, I can honestly and gladly inform you that your twins aren't involved." McGonagall answered. "Someone has been targeting the headmaster since he gave the House Cup to my Lions last year. This is just the latest one."

"Really? My boys aren't involved?" Molly looked a bit surprised.

"No, and we haven't been able to figure out who is doing it. I hope, Albus, that you aren't locked out of your office again."

Severus almost laughed, he never expected McGonagall to be so sarcastic. "If he is, I am sure Augustus will manage to open it, again." He, very helpfully, added.


Harry glared at Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled. "Now, as an heir to the House of Potter, you need training, so, therefore I will start your training over the Yule holiday. You will be remaining here and we will meet each day."

"No. I am heading home but thanks for the offer. I am sure my Aunt Petunia has arrangements in place for the holidays. We usually go and visit family." Harry knew the reason why this meeting was happening now. Severus was out gathering ingredients and Harry had arrived back from the weekend with his family and no one had a chance to see him as of yet.

"I really must insist. You need training."

"I am sure my Aunt can arrange something with Lord Malfoy. He had mentioned it before and Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon wanted more information." He was so writing a letter home to his aunt. "Perhaps I should floo call him and see if the two of you could work out an outline of the goals I need to achieve."

"I am sure Lord Malfoy is aware of what is required. I am delighted to learn it has been handled." Dumbledore wasn't delighted but he could do nothing. "Why don't you check in with Professor Snape. Goodnight Harry."

"Pleasure as always." Harry resisted the urge to add not at the end.


Petunia handed the letter she just read from Harry. "So?"

"Teach him a minor lesson." Vernon responded.

Petunia grinned. "Dudley, Mummy has an interesting project for us."


The mail owls flew in dropping mail and packages. A medium-sized package landed in front of Dumbledore. He eyed it, wondering what it could be. He hadn't ordered anything and his Yule presents went directly under the tree. He glanced at Harry, thinking it might be from his aunt but the boy had his head buried in a book and wasn't looking. He pulled out his wand and started casting spells, any spell he could think of. It was clean. He slowly opened it, not missing the way the staff had tensed up, nothing. He grinned as he opened the lid. Inside was a furry, bright orange toy. It looked to be wearing robes that were red with gold stars. He picked it up.

He almost dropped it when the eyes blinked at him. He picked it up. "Dumbledore is my daddy. Daddy is a sore loser." Dumbledore almost dropped it, again. "Daddy hates losing." Dumbledore tried to banish it but the thing just moved out of the way. "See Daddy doesn't like to lose."

"Potter, what is that?" A fifth-year snake asked.

Harry smirked. "A Furby." He looked at Rookwood who tilted his head. He couldn't wait to see what they were going to do to the man when the Yule holiday was over.

Chapter Text

Severus peeked into the library and saw Harry with a stack of books. He knew why the boy made it into Slytherin but at times the boy was pure Ravenclaw. "What are you planning now?"

"Not exactly sure. What do you know about magical clothing and the fabric?" Harry asked.

"Let me explain the amazing world of Wizard's fashion. Some of the more popular trends and things will only be answered by a Malfoy but I can handle the basics."

"What can only be answered by a Malfoy?" Lucius entered the room with a few books.

"Fashion, clothes, materials." Harry smirked as Lucius' face grasped why Harry was asking.


Dumbledore looked furious. The students had returned on Saturday and as he dressed for the first day of classes everything he tried on changed to Slytherin Green with dancing hearts saying "I heart Slytherins" in the hearts. He had tried everything. He made his way to the Head Table. He glared out to the students. He didn't think it was any Slytherins that did it. They would never want to use their house name in a prank. He ignored the snorts of laughter from three houses. He could see his Lions were horrified by his robes. "While I do enjoy a great prank, this one is over the line. I want whoever did this to report to my office after breakfast."

He began to look at each student he thought might have the skills to do this but none of them were acting like it was their prank. There was not an innocent look, no hiding from his gaze. He even glanced at the Slytherin table and could see they were watching the students, trying to figure out who did it.


"How?" Draco asked.

"Your parents are very fashion trendy." Harry answered.



Dumbledore glared at his robes. He wasn't going to wear them but everything he tried to summon, conjured, or even transformed said the same thing. "Snakes rules, Lions drool."



Dumbledore had bought new robes. He was dressing in his new robe. He turned to look in the mirror. As he turned he caught the Slytherin Coat of Arms as it appeared on his robe it turned Slytherin Green. Above each Coat of Arms was a dancing snake.



Dumbledore groaned as he looked at his clothes. He couldn't keep hiding in his quarters. He had things to do. He had spent most of the week hiding in his office but today he had to go to the Ministry. He almost choked in horror at what his clothes said today:

I'm a Snake in disguise.

This time the snakes were dressed in different outfits to make them look like a lion, badgers, and an eagle. He hated snakes.



Dumbledore used the secret tunnels to make it to the staff meeting he had to attend. He had to find a way to end these pranks. Today outfit was the snakes all holding signs, with their tails, saying:

I'm never rong

"I see your clothes issue hasn't ceased." Severus smirked as Dumbledore entered the room. He had seen every single outfit and marveled at how well the spells worked. Auggie, Harry, Lucius, Narcissa and he had spent hours researching the magical fabric world.

"No, all of my clothes are Slytherin Green with the past week's sayings. Does anyone have an idea of who is doing these pranks?"

No one answered but finally, Filius spoke. "You know, Albus, it appears to me that whoever is doing it, is getting even for you giving the House Cup to your lions."

"What makes you think that?" Minerva asked.

"Well, every one of them promotes the Slytherin House which we all know deserved that cup. No offense Minerva but I haven't heard anyone but the Lions complain about Albus' new wardrobe."

"None offense was taken as I do agree the cup should have gone to Slytherin. Your theory also makes sense as I have experienced the same attitude among the students."

The staff muttered their agreement. Severus would be mentioning it to Harry. He knew the boy did it partly for that reason but also for Dumbledore's little ploy concerning their Yule holiday.


Harry was walking down the hall on his way to the library when Weasley stepped in front of him. The boy hadn't really been bothering him since the beginning of the year and he wondered what he was about to do. Before he could even open his mouth, Weasley aimed a wand at him.

Harry was about to speak when Weasley almost shouted: "Stupefy."

Harry fell to the floor as he heard McGonagall stern voice. "Weasley!"

Severus was standing over him and removed the spell. Severus helped Harry stand. "He started it." Weasley pointed to Harry.

"How? I was walking down the hall, you stepped in front of me, aimed your wand before I could even speak." Harry wasn't going to take the blame for this.

"You pushed me." Weasley stammered out.

Before Harry could open his mouth to deny anything, Mrs. Pince appeared. "I was in the library, I saw it all. Mr. Potter is telling the truth."

"To the Headmaster's office. You are going to be suspended for two weeks." McGonagall stated. Severus looked at her. He hoped she was going to be able to enforce that. "Don't think the Headmaster will not suspend you, I am sure the three of us will be submitting our reports to the Board if he doesn't."

"I will if needed." Mrs. Pince stated.

"Agreed." Severus answered.

"I'm going to do it anyway. I am sick of him and Ganger following me around." Harry stated.

"Granger." Severus quietly reminded Harry. He received an arched eyebrow that said he was lucky Harry didn't call her bushy-haired girl.

Harry watched as McGonagall escorted Weasley to the Headmaster's office. The man was still hiding because of his clothes. Harry smirked at Severus. "How did you manage that?" Severus asked.

"I didn't. He really is just an idiot." Harry answered.


"What is the plan for Valentine's Day?" Draco asked as he sat down.

Dumbledore hadn't been seen in the school, except for an occasional meal, because his robes were still reflecting the Slytherin colors. "I have an idea. Gather the masses, I believe we might need a few Ravenclaws."


Harry knocked on Severus' office door and entered when he received permission. He glanced around, making sure the room was empty. "Severus, he only blocked Dwarves?"

"Yes. Most of the magical creatures don't come to Hogwarts. Darker creatures like werewolves are forbidden, I don't know if there is a ward against them since he had Lupin attend."

Harry grinned. "Great. Do you have any interesting books on Pixies, Sprites, or Brownies?"

"I believe you know where I keep my books. Just remember to return them when you are finished." Severus couldn't wait to see what Harry was going to do for Valentine's Day.


The Great Hall had floating pink and red heart-shaped balloons, streamers, tablecloths, napkins. It looked like Cupid threw up in the Great Hall. Harry looked at Draco. "Did the peacock return and we didn't notice?"

"I hope we would have noticed his return." Draco glanced around the room. They had been in here last night and this stuff wasn't there. "He must have done it this morning, I think not having a colorful wardrobe is affecting his useless brain."

Harry nodded his agreement. They sat down in their usual spots and soon the hall was full of students. Dumbledore appeared in the house colors of Slytherin with dancing hearts filled with all the different slogans he had endured so far. The man was trying to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. Harry pulled out his wand, hiding it under the table started the prank. Everyone was suddenly covered in green heart-shaped glitter. Sprites, Brownies, and Pixies burst from the rafters, dancing, and singing, passing out Slytherin green candy hearts that said: "snakes rule, lions drool."

Dumbledore rose from his seat. He knew he had to do it. He needed to do it in order to end this, well, he hoped it would end. He cleared his throat and looked at McGonagall, who waved her hand in annoyance as if to say yes, you have to do it. "Students, I would like to state that I acknowledge my error of last year and the House Cup should have remained with Slytherin. Mr. Potter for saving Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, and Mr. Longbottom, I award you the Student Service Award and one hundred points."

Applause broke out at three of the tables and most of the Gryffindor table. Weasley and Granger were not happy with that news as they were riding on the fame of winning House Cup for the Lions last year.

"Harry?" Blaise asked after things had quieted down.

"He is up to something." Harry replied. "He is doing it for a reason. He would have never admitted to his mistakes."

"I agree. Severus?" Draco looked at Dumbledore. His robes had changed to a solid Slytherin Green that stated: "I am never rong."

"Yes." Harry answered.


"So?" Harry asked as he was sipping his tea in Severus' quarters.

"Minerva, Filius, and well, the rest of the staff forced him to apologize. Minerva was getting tired of doing his job."

"He was in his office all the time. Why didn't he do it?" Draco asked.

"He wouldn't leave to go to meetings unless he had to. He passed them off to Minerva. Which since he wasn't able to instruct her classes, we had to cover."

"Sorry. I didn't think of that." Harry didn't want to create more problems or give the staff extra work.

"Trust us, we didn't mind. He needed the lesson. However, that being said, I wouldn't be surprised if the Lions suddenly started earning more points from him."

"I bet he would do it." Draco glanced at Harry.

"His wardrobe?" Severus asked.

"Will be returned to him tonight. The spell was broken when he did the public apology. Now, what are we going to do for St. Patrick's Day?"

"Theo and Blaise had an idea." Draco stated.

"Go and plan. What I don't know, I can't deducted points for." Severus finished his tea. He knew St. Patrick's Day was going to a huge prank from the looks Draco and Harry exchanged. They really had done a few huge ones this year that involved the whole school.

"Get up. You will miss it." Pansy shook Harry while Daphne woke Draco. They already forced Blaise and Theo into the showers.

"Don't you want to see Dumbledore's face?" Daphne stated. That caused them to wake up.

"Meet you in the common room." Pansy watched as they rushed to shower.

They entered the Great Hall. They were proud of their work. "Fifteen points for making it to breakfast on time." Severus appeared behind them. "Very impressive work."

The Hall was a Kelly Green. Each table was a different shade of green with a rainbow that went over it. The rainbow lead to a pot of chocolate gold foiled covered knuts. The utensils were laid out to make shamrocks. The water was green as well as the pumpkin juice, coffee, and tea. The food was all different shades of green. The candles were even green. There were small footprints that covered every surface from floor to ceiling. There were small green jelly beans in certain places, indicating leprechauns droppings. In front of the Head Table was a smaller table with a sign over it that said: "Rainbow Scavenger Hunt..for golden treat boxes."

Students were already at the small table reading the rules for the hunt and discussing their groups when Dumbledore made his entrance. He slowly walked toward the Head Table, taking in everything. As he finally sat down, he felt his clothing shift and looked down and realized he was dressed like a leprechaun. He looked at McGonagall. "How bad?"

"No one was hurt or humiliated as normal. Just everything was placed in the shape of shamrocks this morning from shoes, gloves, books, quills, and even toothbrushes. You can see the condition the hall is in. How did the leprechauns get in?"

"I am not sure. I think they had assistance." Dumbledore looked around. All of the students were enjoying themselves. The owls flew in the with mail and everyone got a small letter from the leprechauns that when opened said "Happy St. Patrick's Day".


Severus made it to his office before he started laughing. Dumbledore actually believed the leprechauns did it. He was even going to adjust the wards. He would have to tell Harry. Granted most of the pranks they used were the ones leprechauns did but he believed that the hunt and all the green would have hinted at a prank. He heard some knocking on his door, regained his composure and opened the door. Harry, Draco, Blaise, and Theo were standing there. "He is going to adjust the wards against leprechauns."

Harry smirked. "He has no clue it was a prank?"

"He thinks someone let them in but the leprechauns did everything. Ten points for arriving on time to our discussion." Severus couldn't have the point records reflect that he had given them points for the prank.


"You know he is going to try something at the end of the year." Auggie warned Harry and Severus as they were having their Sunday tea at Malfoy Manor.

"Yes, I agree." Severus took a biscuit. "Especially since your aunt hasn't had a reason to send him a howler."

"He can't complain about my heir training. What do you think he might use?"

"I'm not sure. He can't really use anything practical as you have a magical guardian, heir training, and you and Draco are tied for the number one position in your year." Severus commented.

"I thought Granger was." Auggie stated.

"Why?" Severus asked.

"He was bragging about how she was the brightest witch of her generation. He told me that she was in the top spot." Auggie answered. "Minerva, Filius, and I were in the staff room and he had the report."

"He wouldn't?" Severus asked.

"He might." Auggie answered.

"What?" Harry looked confused.

"He might be changing the rankings. If he gives her an extra assignment and grades it high enough or provides numerous ones, she might get to the top." Severus explained.

"May we find out?" Harry began to think of ways to make sure they stayed on top.

"Yes, Lucius can. He will have to submit the reports to the Board. Normally the Board would overlook the breakdown and just review the top students of each year list. He would also have to have submitted the lessons plans to the Board for their review." Severus explained.

"Oh, Uncle Lucius." Harry stood up. "I have a plan you and Auntie Petunia are going to love."

"What do you think he is going to do?" Auggie wasn't familiar with how the Board and Hogwarts interacted but was finding it interesting.

"I am sure the Grangers are going to be getting a visit from Petunia."



"Granger, incoming." Theo warned as he put down his book. He was facing the doorway.

"Aunt Petunia had a lovely visit with her family."

"How could you?" Granger slammed a letter down on the table.

"How could I what?" Harry glanced at the letter as Draco picked it up and started to read it.

"My parents got a letter from the Board, your Aunt, and Lord Malfoy. I can't return next year." She almost yelled.

"Darn, I aiming for that myself but sadly I have to return." Harry smirked.

"You! You!!!!!!" Granger stuttered.

"You should be upset with Dumbledore. He's at fault. Your parents say here that he is giving you extra assignments that he isn't making available for all students. They are wondering why, after the events of last year, why." Draco wondered about the girl at times. Did she not see the problem?

"What?" Was heard from numerous students. Students that were not happy with what they were hearing.

"Yes, it states because of those extra assignments she is now top of the class, instead of the fifth-place where she would be if they went just by the regular course load." Draco informed everyone.

"I worked hard to get those grades." Granger defended herself.

"I don't believe anyone is saying you didn't. People are upset that Dumbledore is not giving anyone else the same chance. Use that logic you like to think no wizard has." Harry saw the girl blush as she remembered that comment she had made last year when trying to explain why she picked out the poison during Severus' test.

"Hint Granger, while he is giving you those advantages, he is denying the rest of the school the same opportunities. If you were the one who was denied, how would you react?" Theo asked.

Granger paled a bit and Draco guided her to a chair. "He has done more hasn't he?" Draco asked.

"He said that Gryffindor was the best house. It would give me more chances and that is why I went to Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw. I begged the sorting hat. He said that the extra assignments were accessible to everyone."

"Granger, this is the first time we have heard of them." Terry Boot joined them. "No one was even aware of them."

Granger looked down at the letter and to everyone around her. "Who can I speak to about this?"

"Go and speak to Professor McGonagall. She will arrange a meeting with Professor Flitwick and Professor Snape." Neville Longbottom said from behind them. "My gran is on the Board and she can meet with your parents."

Harry leaned back in his chair with a small smirk emerged on his face. Dumbledore lost one of his pets.


"Harry, glad you could make it." Dumbledore stated from behind his desk. Harry didn't reply as he wasn't sure why the man thought he requested Harry's presence, he had ordered him here. "Lemon Drop?"

"No, thank you." Harry wondered how long it would be before Severus arrived. He had Draco and Theo go and go and get the man. Since he was escorted here by Percy Weasley.

Dumbledore glanced at the candy. He needed to get the boy to willing to swallow the potions. Otherwise, he would fight them, and he knew Severus would realize what was going on. "I am wondering how you're heir training is progressing."

"Lord Malfoy seems happy with my progress. He stated he was submitting copies of our progress with the Ministry and Gringotts."

Dumbledore wanted to scream. He had been making sure the boy only went home according to their agreement. The boy shouldn't have been able to progress that far. "If I was to give you the heir test for the first year of study."

"I already took it. The results are on file." Harry was thankful that Severus and Auggie had suggested that idea.

They heard a knock on the door and Dumbledore saw it was Severus. He granted entrance. "Ah, Severus, good of you to join us. I was just reviewing Harry status on his heir testing."

"Indeed. His score on the test showed him in the top percent." Severus knew Dumbledore wasn't happy with how this month had worked for him. Granger had asked for a resort and was now in Ravenclaw. Petunia, Severus, and Filius had visited her parents and explained to them what happened. They agreed to allow her to return as long as she remained in Ravenclaw and avoided Weasley. Dumbledore hid his disappointment but Granger already seemed happy as Ravenclaw made her feel welcome and began to guide her on what real friendship was like.

"I am glad to hear that. We do have another area I am concerned about. While I am aware Harry is on the Quidditch team I do wonder about his ability to have fun and relax."

Harry and Severus almost laughed at this newest excuse. If the man only knew how much fun Harry was having. "I am also in two clubs. I am in the Gobstone and the Potion Club."

"He also goes home one weekend a month where his aunt and uncle have shown to the Board that Harry attending different social functions." Severus added. He was thankful that Harry and Draco, with their friends, attended some of the different events during the holiday breaks.

"Very good." Dumbledore replied. "Now, regarding the confrontations with Ronald."

Severus arched his brow. "You mean the ones Mr. Weasley starts?"

"I believe it would be a good idea for the two boys to spend some time with each other."

"No. I am not spending any time with a bigot."

"I believe the two of you are having a slight misunderstanding." Dumbledore replied.

"No, and you can't force it." Harry replied.

"True, I can't but I do believe it would be beneficial for all involved." Dumbledore's eyes started twinkling.

"No." Harry stated again.

"Headmaster, it won't happen. Weasley has made his opinion well known on what he views my house stands for and those in it. He has been very vocal about it." Severus rose. "I do believe it is time for your next class, Potter."

Harry rose. "Headmaster, I won't willingly spend any time with anyone who hates a group of students based on their house, who their parents were, or even are. From what I read, that attitude is what lead to the last war."

Severus waited until Harry closed the door. "He is correct, it is the same attitude. Granted it was pure-blood against the Muggle-born and Muggles but he is very against anyone he believes is dark or in Slytherin house. Weasley judged his year mates before they were even sorted. You might want to speak to him and get him some help from a mind-healer."

"Severus, you know most of Voldemort's followers were from Slytherin."

"Actually, you are very wrong. If you looked at those who were put on trial of the 525 Death Eaters arrested, 129 never attended Hogwarts, 72 were Hufflepuffs, 198 were from Ravenclaw, 69 were from Gryffindor, and the remaining 57 were from Slytherin. I am not including myself as a spy or your other ones. Just because those 57 Slytherin were in higher positions and Lords made it appear more Slytherins."

Dumbledore looked like he wanted to debate but facts were facts. Severus had produced those facts often enough for him to know them. "I will speak to Ron." He had to, Ron and Ginny were his only pets left that he could get close to Harry.


Severus arrived home. He was exhausted. He had hidden his amusement at Harry's parting pranks while he had listened to Dumbledore about the latest train prank. Harry didn't prank the man because Slytherin had actually taken the cup. He was going to have to ask Harry how he got the train to turn Slytherin Green. The whole train was green. When the students got off of the train, all the student were wearing green clothes. As soon as they left the barrier their clothes returned to normal.

"Severus, how did the train prank go?" Auggie asked as Severus was finally sitting down with a cup of tea.

"Dumbledore wasn't happy but whatever Harry did worked."

"He used Dobby to set the counter at the Barrier and to set the prank on the train." Auggie answered.

"Ah, I didn't think of that. I had been wondering. Where is he?"

"Flying. We are going to go out to dinner. Marge wants to celebrate the boys making top marks. Dudley was top of his school too."

"That sounds good." Severus answered.

Chapter Text

End of the Second year:

Rookwood and Severus exited the floo laughing as they headed to the family sitting room. "What has the pair of you laughing?" Lucius could hear them down the hall.

"Dumbledore." They finally answered. "Whatever Harry did to the thing he sent Dumbledore, nothing is breaking the charm. The thing keeps calling him Daddy and changes to match whatever Dumbledore is wearing."

"He can't break it. Petunia and Dudley had Marge charm the batey, and after that, had Narcissa cast one of the Black family charms that links it to the first person it saw when it opened its eyes. Do you have a memory or two to share?"

"I think you mean battery. We have more than two. The man keeps trying to banish it back to his quarters but it just reappears next to him, saying "Daddy isn't very nice" or "Daddy is a sore loser" and my personal favorite "Daddy loves Snakes", I thought the man turned five shades red when it said that." Severus honestly had no idea how it was done.

"What is it called?" Rookwood had never seen anything like it.

"I am not sure. Petunia just said he would find it extremely annoying."

"It is, trust me." Severus laughed. "He is hoping he and Minerva can transfigure it."

"It's called a Furby." Dudley informed them. "Mom said dinner is ready."


Start of the third year:

Draco watched as Granger and the Weasleys went through the barrier. "Great they're back." Harry grinned as suddenly Granger and the two youngest Weasleys' trunks disappeared.

"What did you do?" Blaise could see the confusion on the faces of the Weasleys and Granger. Mrs. Weasley looked like she was going to explode.

"Dobby." Harry answered. "He didn't like how Weasley hurt me. He wanted to make sure they feel welcomed back in their dorms."

"I am guessing they will wearing green and silver for the rest of the year?" Blaise knew house-elves were crafty but he didn't think they played pranks. He had believed that until he met Dobby.

"Yes, I believe he also mentioned something about their skin matching."

"I bet he mentioned it." Vincent told Greg.

"I need some volunteers for our return train prank." Harry held up his endless pouch.

"What is this time?" Daphne asked as she held out her hand.


The students were laughing at each other as they made their way to the carriages. If you were a Gryffindor, you were wearing a black panther outfit, if you were a Ravenclaw you were dressed as an American Bald Eagle if you were a Hufflepuff you were dressed like a Raccoon, and Slytherins were dressed like King Cobras but each costume was in different house colors. The Puffs were in red, the Slytherins were in black, the Claws were in green, and the Gryffindors were in yellow. No one could dispell the outfits much to Dumbledore's annoyance who still had the Furby following him. "Look Daddy, pretty animals." That caused a lot more laughter. "Daddy I want a costume." Harry lost it. He had to put his head down on the table. Draco joined him a few seconds later.


(A/N--I missed the time from Sept to Yule--sorry, if I think of it later, I will add it here, and post a note)

Severus heard the knock on his office door. "Enter." Harry entered, looked around to make sure they were alone. "Harry?"

"Do Cupids count as a dwarf?"

"Cupids? No, they are their own species."

Harry grinned. "Do you think we could get Muggle electronics to work in Hogwarts?"

Severus wondered what Harry was thinking of doing. "I'm not sure, Augustus might be more help."

"Great, can you get him down here tonight. I have an idea and I think it will take a while to work it out."


Everyone was sitting in the Great Hall. Minerva looked at Dumbledore. "It appears no prank."

Suddenly the hall was flooded with a hundred cupids, shooting arrows everywhere. The song "Addicted To Love" filling the room. It poured out of the hidden speakers that Augustus, Severus, and Harry had hidden in the rafters, banners, and even under the tables. Pink and red glitter started raining down the hall, covering everyone. The cupids suddenly disappeared as small gifts of heart-shaped chocolate appeared in front of students with little wing-shaped banners that said "Happy Valentine's Day, Love Cupid Union 101"

"How?" Draco looked at Harry.

"Uncle Ian and Bruce are in the local carpenters' union and Uncle Micky is in the electrician's union. They got in touch with the president of the Cupid's union." Harry picked up a piece of chocolate, popped it into his mouth. "Belgium chocolate."


Severus and the rest of the Heads of Houses were called into the Headmaster's office. The Furby was dressed to match Dumbledore as it normally did. "Daddy's company is here. Daddy make tea! Daddy needs to dose his lemon drops again."

Dumbledore just ignored it as he normally did. He didn't even offer anyone a lemon drop anymore since the blasted thing started warning everyone about the potions in his precious lemon drops. "I-"

Suddenly a fish appeared on the wall, its face turned toward them and started singing "Take Me to the River" causing them all a bit of a surprise. "What is that?" Minerva looking at the singing bass on the wall.

"I have no idea." Severus got up and read the sign. "It's called Billy the Big Mouth Bass."

"I-" The singing got louder and louder as Dumbledore kept trying to speak but only when he was speaking.

"I believe we need to find somewhere else to have his meeting. Perhaps the staff room?" Minerva didn't want for an answer as they headed out of the Headmaster's office.


Augustus and Severus were sitting in the staff room waiting for the weekly staff meeting to start. Dumbledore entered with the dratted Furby behind him. "Daddy grouchy!!! Run for your lives!!!" The Furby warned them all.

"Albus?" Minerva put her teacup down, and Severus noticed that the man had small things hanging from his robes.

"What is on your robes?" Aurora peered closer.

"I am not sure, but I can't get them off of my robes. My quarters and my office floors were covered in them." Dumbledore grumbled. "I didn't see them until they latched onto me as I walked."

"It looks like mouse traps." Filius stated. "The glue type of mouse traps." He could see the confusion on most of the wizards and witches in the rooms. "The glue type of mouse traps are made using natural or fake glue, as I am not going to try and explain what a synthetic adhesive is, is applied to cardboard, plastic trays or even wood as we are seeing. The glue keeps the mouse from leaving the trap."

Severus and Augustus exchanged a look. They were really going to have to find out how Harry kept getting into the man's office.


Draco, Blaise, Vincent, and Greg were sitting in the library research a prank for St. Patrick's Day. "They're coming over here." Pansy set a book down on the table.

"Why?" Harry didn't look up from his parchment. He didn't even think the girl would hang out with either of them, after last year.

"Not sure, I thought the three of them got the message to leave us alone." Blaise answered. "Pansy, you have your nail polish?"

"Yes, what do you have in mind?" Pansy reached into her satchel, pulling out her clear nail polish. Her parents allowed her to only wear clear and she had two more years before she would be able to wear colored nail polish.

"I think Harry's idea of painting their quills is a good one." Blaise answered.

"So do I. Draco and I will keep them busy. Pans you get their quills. Weasley will wonder if any of us get too close to him."

"Harry, we were wondering if we could get your help on our DADA project." Bushy-hair girl laid some books down on their table.

"I need some help on my spells." Weaslette beamed a smile and tried to lean against Harry, almost sitting in his lap.

"Weaselette, Harry isn't your chair." Draco couldn't believe how pushy the girl was. She was twelve.

"Watch it Malfoy." Weasel pushed Draco. Draco almost fell out of his chair. He would have if Vincent hadn't stopped it.

"Take charge of your sister. You should be ashamed of her actions. I know I am and I am not even related to her." Draco could the librarian was about to head over.

"It's you who should be ashamed. Your father is a Death Eater and you're a Death Eater in training who is corrupting our Savior with your evil deeds."

"Did he really just say that?" Harry asked Greg.

"I think he has been watching Star Wars or something." Greg replied. "Though he is ruining the whole plot."

"Agreed. He would make a lousy Darth Vadar. He certainly couldn't pull off Luke Skywalker." Harry replied.

"I thought I was Luke. Didn't we decide that during the Yule holiday?" Draco commented. "I am not giving up my role."

"Fine, fine, you are Luke. Maybe he can be Chewy? That way we won't have to listen to him speak. He certainly growls enough." Harry looked at Weasley. "Give him a few years he would fit the bill."

Draco smirked. "True. I still think we need to find a Jubba and of course, we need to-"

"Can you help us or not?" The bushy-haired girl asked attempting to get them back to the topic at hand.

"No. Sorry, my dance card is full. I believe I even promised the last dance to Daphne or was it Astoria? I need to check my social calendar. Now, if you want I can give you the name of a hairdresser, some tailors, and of course, dance instructors." Harry closed his books, seeing Pansy putting something back into her satchel.

"What?" Bushy-hair girl was looking at Harry, with confusion on her face.

"What is on second." Harry answered.

"Yes, the great St. Louis team. They have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third-" Draco started the skit they had all memorized over the Yule holiday much to the annoyance of some parents. They were a bit surprised to find out Aunt Marge was a huge fan of Abbott and Costello.

"That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team." Blaise kept a straight face as he replied.

Harry turned and faced Blaise. "Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third-"

"What team? Who are you talking about?" Weaslette looked at the group of friends.

"Do you know their names?" Pansy ignored Weaslette as the girl again tried to sit on Harry but almost landed in her lap instead.

"Yes, of course." Harry was enjoying this.

"Well, then who's playing first?" Vincent piped up.

"You would be correct." Harry grinned as he saw Mrs. Pince stopped. She appeared to be set upon watching the Slytherins drive the trio crazy.

"I mean the fellow's name on first base." Greg pushed Granger's books towards Draco. Draco smirked as he got the hint.

"Who." Harry answered.

"The fellow playin' first base." Blaise hid his grin as he saw Draco wave his wand at Granger's books, the three lions were looking frustrated.

"Who." Harry leaned back in his chair.

"The guy on first base." Vincent noticed Draco casting a truth spell on Granger's books and wondered what it was for.

"Who is on first." Harry answered.

"Why do you keep asking him?" Weasel demanded, his fist clenched.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling him. Who is on first." Harry calmly replied. He saw Draco casting the truth spell on the Weasleys stuff.

"They are asking you--who's on first? Just answer the question." The bushy-haired girl demanded. "So we can move forward with our assignments."

"That's the man's name." Harry answered.

"That's who's name?" Weaslette asked.

"Yes." Harry answered.

The bushy-haired girl was getting annoyed. "When they pay the man, who gets the money?"

Harry wanted to laugh, he couldn't believe the girl opened it up for more. "Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it. He works hard, just like everyone else on the team."

"Who is?" Weasel demanded.

"Yes." Harry watched as Mrs. Pince tried not to laugh. He noticed Severus was standing near the bookcase, hiding his own grin.

"So who gets it?" The bushy-hair girl asked. They could see she was trying to figure out what was going on, which team they could be talking about.

"Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Of course, we have to take the taxes out, after all, you can't escape death and taxes despite what Uncle Vernon says about the government."

"Who's wife?" Weaslette asked.

Draco, Blaise, Vincent, Greg, and Pansy had their wands out under the table and in order not to laugh were setting up a variety of pranks on the trio.

"Yes. After all, the man earns it."

"Who does?" Weasel was really confused.

"Absolutely. As I said, he earned it."

"Well, I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?" Bushy-hair girl almost yelled.

"Oh, no, no. What is on second base." Harry replied.

"We're not asking you who's on second." Weasel snapped.

"Who's on first!" Harry happily answered.

"Well, they have improved their infield, do they have a good outfield?" Draco asked, sensing the trio needed a bit of a push towards the next part.

"Oh, absolutely."

"The left fielder's name?" Blaise asked.


"I don't know, I just thought I'd ask." Blaise refrained from grinning, the trio was totally lost and confused, not that it was a new look for them. "Who's playing left field?

"Who's playing first." Harry replied.

"Not that again." Weasel muttered.

"Stay out of the infield! The left fielder's name?" Draco had to turn his head to cover his smirk.


"Because." Blaise could see they were gathering a small crowd, most were covering their laughter not wanting the torment of the trio to end.

"Oh, he's center field."

"Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team?" Vincent asked.

"Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?"

"Tell me the pitcher's name." Vincent asked.

"Tomorrow." Harry heard bushy-haired girl let out a huff of annoyance.

"Now, when the guy at bat bunts the ball--me being a good catcher--I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?" Draco was going to be reviewing this memory and he was sure his parents would enjoy it.

"Now, that's the first thing you've said right." Harry answered, giving Draco a big grin.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Weasel screamed. Severus stopped Mrs. Pince from moving forward to interrupt.

"Don't get excited. Take it easy." Harry moved his hands in a calming motion.

"I throw the ball to first base, whoever it grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to tomorrow--a triple play." Blaise raised his eyebrow.


"Another guy gets up and it's a long ball to center." Blaise continued.


"Why? I don't know. And I don't care." Blaise refused to laugh.

"What was that?" Harry looked at Blaise, trying not to smirk.

"I said, I don't care."

"Oh, that's our shortstop!"

"Enough! Just answer his questions! Of all the annoying things you could do to a person." Weaselette started on a rant. "Seriously that had to be the most useless discussion I have ever heard."

"You're Harry Potter, not some snake in training, you can't let them turn you into a slimy snake." Weasel pulled his sister toward him. "You're not-"

"10 points each from Gryffindor and 10 from Ravenclaw for name calling." Severus spoke from behind Weasel causing him to jump in surprise. The trio glared and muttering under their breath left the library to the laughter of the students who had been listening. "10 points for not starting a fight, each, ten points for using Abbott and Costello, each."


"Harry, wake up." Draco nudged his roommate. "You don't want to be late. It's St. Patrick's Day."

Harry sat up. "Oh, how much time?"

"Breakfast starts in thirty minutes."

Harry almost ran to the shower. "This is going to be funny." Blaise grinned from where he was sitting on the bed.


All the students were trying not to rush to the Great Hall but everyone wanted to see what they would find. They entered the hall to see Irish Flags draped where the normal banners where. The ceiling was showing a field full of clovers. On each table were green cauldron bowls, green glasses, and silverware. On each seat was a dancing bear dressed up as a leprechaun, waving an Irish flag. They could see green eggs, green ham, and even green milk. At the end of each table were boxes filled with green clover attached to small green mesh bags filled with different sweets. As the students entered the hall, green glitter started falling from the ceiling.

"Did this take you all night?" Augustus asked.

"Most of it. The ceiling was the hardest." Severus answered as he watched Dumbledore make his way to the table with not one but two Furbies. One was green and looked more like a leprechaun. "Daddy loves green." It announced.

"Another one, Albus?" Minerva tried not to laugh.

"Yes." Dumbledore's voice sounded funny.

"What is wrong, Albus?" Augustus asked.

"I am not sure. I will be visiting Poppy after breakfast." Dumbledore sounded like a hamster.

"How?" Severus leaned close to Augustus.

"His lemon drops. As long as he keeps eating them, it will remain. Dobby switched them for us." Augustus grinned.


Harry knocked on Severus' door. He heard enter and entered Severus' office. He made sure Severus was alone. "Severus, have you noticed the annoying trio have been not bothering us?"

"Yes, it seems Minerva put her foot down and told them if they earned one more detention or point loss because of bothering you or my snakes, they would be facing a suspension. Dumbledore tried to override her, but she threatened him with going to the Board. Since she is the Deputy, the Board would support her. I think Filius also mentioned his concerns to her also, about Granger being in detentions."

"Ah, good. We can still keep doing the pranks on them?"

"Yes. Just make sure you study. The end of term exams are almost here."

"I know. I was just going to have Trevor and the other animals do their normal stuff."

"Good. Dumbledore still can't get rid of the fish or the Furbies. I think he might be close to realizing it's his lemon drops that are causing his voice problems."

"Darn. I was going to use truth serum on them with this cloaking spell Lucius found. I just haven't been able to get it to work exactly right."

"Show me."

Harry went and got his research and showed Severus.


Severus was cursing under his breath as he arrived back at Malfoy Manor. Everyone was already here as he knew today was the day that they were having a small family reunion. Though small was a bit of an understatement. Before he had left for the meeting with Dumbledore, Severus had been introduced to more "aunts" and "uncles" than he thought possible. One of the Uncles even tried to sell him a gun while another was giving Harry, Draco, Blaise, and Dudley chemical formulas for different explosive components. He didn't even want to think of the ones who were involved in the cement or other construction businesses.

"Severus?" Lucius looked up from the poker game he was playing with Vernon, Rookwood, and a few others.

"Dumbledore is a first rate idiot."

"Well, there is a reason why dumb is in his name." Harry commented from his chair at the poker game.

"Are you playing poker?" Severus didn't even see Harry when he entered the room. The boy was sitting between Vernon and another man that was so tall and all muscles that he could be Hagrid's brother, Harry was virtually dwarfed by them.

"Yes, and he is winning as usual." One of the men across from Harry folded his cards. "I fold. Your aunt is going to me for losing to you again."

"Aunt Marie only gave you what she said you could afford to lose without taking any of her weekly shopping money. I raise." Harry tossed the chips into the pot.

"I fold. Petunia will want you to put some of the winnings into your savings." Vernon pushed away from the table. "Drinks?"

"Refill, please." Was heard around the room.

"Severus what has you upset?" Vernon started to refill people's drinks.

"Dumbledore. He hired the werewolf to teach DADA." Severus took a tumbler of scotch from Vernon. "He believes Harry needs to bond with someone who knew his parents. He gave Minerva and I a lecture about how Harry needs to connect to his parents and how Lupin would be able to do it."

"That idiot?" Vernon remarked. "The guy is the biggest wimp I have ever seen. He hasn't even tried to see Harry." He remembered Lupin from James and Lily's wedding. The man didn't stand up for anything or anyone. He let Black bully him.

"He wants you to make the potion too, doesn't he?" Harry threw some chips into the pot. "Call."

"Yes. He mentioned something about Black."

"Black?" Lucius folded his card. "Fold. Cornelius mentioned him too."

"That is strange." Rookwood folded his cards. "Fold. Dumbledore has been in the archives during the last few weeks. They could be connected."

"It would explain his remark to Minerva. Before I arrived, I heard him telling Minerva that everything would be fine and that the Black seats would be handled."

"Full House, Queens over fives." Harry laid his cards down. "I won. How about a break."

"I agree. It sounds like Dumbledore is planning on getting Black released from Azkaban and taking using him to get control over Harry and the seats." Lucius gathered up the cards as everyone moved a bit to allow Severus to take a seat.

"Can he do anything, Black, I mean?" A man Severus recognized as the one who was teaching the boys about chemical, his name was Jimmy.

"We can do a few things if you point him out." A few snickered.

"Harry is technically Lord Black even though he is underage. Draco is the heir, Narcissa is also a Black, the three could remove Black from the family and it would stop him from being able to use him. However, he is Harry's godfather which might give him more pull. If Black was disowned, Harry closes all the Black properties and vaults, there would be no place for Harry to live with him. Dumbledore might instill the man at Hogwarts." Lucius was thinking.

"Dumbledore sounds more controlling than my mother was." Jimmy shook his head at the idea of a magical version of his mother. That woman could scare a vampire with a look. Some of the ones who meet his mother agreed.

"He might expect Harry to use the Potter residences or even believe that the Mutt would be able to convince Harry to open the Black properties. Especially if Black were able to gain guardianship." Severus took a sip of his drink. He was going to need a few more. "Dumbledore would align his cronies, get them going on Harry having a magical guardian."

"Boys, relax. We remove Black from the family tree. Have a new Godfather assigned based on the fact that Black broke the Godfather bond when he went after Pettigrew instead of taking care of Harry. Since Dumbledore knows that Black isn't a Death Eater, he might try to get the man a trial. However, Black is in Azkaban for killing 12 muggles and Pettigrew." Narcissa walked into the room. "We already have the ritual set up."

"How?" More than one of the men asked.

"Harry had it all arranged. Harry figured he needed better protection from Dumbledore and was going to ask Lucius to become his Godfather. He knew he couldn't ask Vernon because Dumbledore would state he would need a magical guardian." Marge smirked at them. "Didn't any of you see Harry trying not to laugh as you were planning."

Chapter Text

Severus waited until he was in his quarters before laughing. Dumbledore was furious. Dumbledore had tried to get Black a trial. Madam Bones listened and granted the request. However, the problem arose when Black had tried to enter his parents' house and found he couldn't. Dumbledore, Lupin, and Black went directly to Gringotts to discover what might have happened and fix the situation. Black was denied access to all vaults except for his small, very small, personal vault. Granted, the Ministry was going to provide Black with funds to pay for their mistake, but it was only twelve thousand galleons, which wouldn't last very long as he now had to buy a place to live. When Dumbledore demanded an Inheritance Test for Black, they learned he had been disowned. Black had tossed a fit in Gringotts, big enough that the goblins had summoned the Aurors. The Aurors arrested the man for disorderly conduct and threatening the goblins. Dumbledore was able to get him off because of mental instability.

Dumbledore next move was his attempt to get him hired at Hogwarts but the request was denied by the Board and the Wizengamot. The Board and Wizengamot used the arrest to stop Black from being hired. Technically, he was Sirius Noname now. The Board stated that if Black got help from a mind healer, they might consider hiring him next year with stipulations.

"Something funny?" Harry entered the room from the kitchenette. Harry and Draco had come over to work on some potions with Severus before Dumbledore had summoned him into a staff meeting.

"Yes." Severus quickly explained what he learned. "He doesn't know it was the family that disowned the Mutt. They think it was his father. Also, he can't be hired, at least this year."

"What about Granger?" Draco had hoped the girl wouldn't be returning.

"Her parents removed her and with Lucius' recommendation she will be attending the Irish School of Magical Beings." Severus still was a bit surprised that Dumbledore was willing to endanger the girl's education simply because he wanted her close to Harry. "Lucius did mention that the Grangers were very distressed to hear what Dumbledore was willing to do."

"So we have the two brats left." Harry looked at Draco. Draco and Severus wondered what Harry had planned.


"I can't believe we have to keep taking the train." Weasley was whining to his mother.

Harry and Draco were behind him. "Ron, we don't have a choice." Weaslette stated the obvious.

"Children, hurry up. I don't want you to be late for the train." Molly Weasley was almost pushing the duo toward the train.

Harry and Draco grinned as they followed behind the duo They had already been on the train earlier and found their compartment. They made their way to their compartment after making sure the duo didn't see them. "Is it done?" Theo didn't even bother to say hi.

"Yes." Harry and Draco took their seats.


When they arrived at Hogsmeade's Station, the train was completely green. Everything was green with silver trim. The students got off and as they exited their school uniforms turned into long white robes with fake white wings behind them. The wings flapped as they walked. Each robe had all four house animals on them, all dancing with each other. If you were in Gryffindor, your hair was now blue, if you were a Slytherin, your hair was black, Hufflepuff was red, Ravenclaw was yellow. The students were feeling the wings and laughing.

"I think we should have dyed the wings." Draco muttered to Harry as his wings flapped.

"Maybe next time."



"Minerva, where is Albus?" Severus hated this feast and if he had to be here Dumbledore better show up.

"I am not sure."

Suddenly the Great Halls doors were opened and a Death Eater walked into the hall. Everyone started screaming. Minerva and the rest of the staff had their wands out. "NO!!"

"Albus?" Minerva asked. The students were now a bit confused.

"Daddy is scaring me." One of the Furbies was crying. "He all dark and scary." The yelling Furby made the students relax as they realized it was indeed the Headmaster.

"Daddy is a meanie." The other one was screaming. "Save us, save the children."

Dumbledore stormed up to the Head Table. He was dressed in Death Eater robes and mask. "All my clothes changed to this, no matter what I did. I tried to summon you but nothing would work."

"How did you do that?" Pansy was very impressed.

"Lucius and Augustus had some really good spell books." Harry was watching Weasley. "Our red-haired friend is planning something."

Draco and the rest of the 4th-year Slytherins discreetly looked at Weasley. They agreed.


Harry was sitting in the library with his friends while Draco was searching the stacks for a book. Weasley appeared next to him. Harry and the rest continued to ignore him.

Weasley: Don't ignore me. I’m right here, you traitor.

Harry: Who said you were here?

Weasley was clearly confused. Weasley: What do you mean, I’m here, of course, I’m here!

Harry: You wouldn’t want to bet on it? (Harry was hoping the idiot would fall for this)

Weasley: You wanna bet me that I’m … are you crazy or something?

Harry shrugged. Harry: I’ll bet you you’re not here! Ten sickles say you’re not here!

Weasley: It's a bet. Who will hold the money?

Harry (digging out his money): Here, you can hold it.

Weasley: Ten sickles. (Weasley looked at Harry, clearly wondering what he was up too.)

Harry: That you’re not here!

Weasley: Alright, alright, prove it that I’m not here.

Harry: You’re not in Hogsmeade, are you?

Weasley: Why, certainly not!

Harry: No … you’re not in Diagon Alley, are you?

Weasley: No!

Harry: No … You’re not in London, are you?

Weasley: Course not!

Harry: Wait a moment … you’re not in Hogsmeade, you’re not in Diagon Alley, and you’re not in London, you must be someplace else! (He held up his fingers, counting the places on his hand.)

Weasley: That’s right!

Harry: Well, if you’re someplace else, you can’t be here!

Weasley: No …

Harry: [takes the money] There you go!

Weasley: Hey, that’s a good one! I’m gonna play it on my brothers, the twins won't know what hit them!

Harry was a bit surprised: Sure, sure!

Weasley: [noticing Draco coming toward them] Does he know about this?

Harry: No, he doesn’t know anything.

Weasley: He doesn't know anything?

Harry: Nooooo …

Weasley, thinking he was making progress with Harry: I’m gonna pull it on him.

Harry: Go ahead.

Weasley: Hey Draco. I wanna bet you ten sickles that you’re not here.

Draco: [sits down, ignoring him, but looking at Harry]

Weasley: Hey, I'm serious!

Draco: What’s the matter with you?

Weasley: I wanna make you a bet. I bet you ten sickles that you’re not here.

Draco: You wanna bet me ten sickles that I'm not here.

Weasley: Right! A chance to make some money off of a Weasley. You might never get another chance.

Draco: [reached into his robes, pulled out his pouch, counted out ten sickles, putting the coins on the table] There you are.

Weasley: Are you ready?

Draco: Yes.

Weasley: Now I’m gonna prove to you that you’re not here. Now, you’re not in Hogsmeade, are you?

Draco: No, but I’ve got an aunt there …

Weasley: No, you’re not in Diagon Alley, are you?

Draco: [looking at Harry, he knew this routine] No.

Weasley: And you’re not in London?

Draco: No.

Weasley: Now if you’re not in Hogsmeade, and you’re not in Diagon Alley, and you’re not in London then you must be someplace else!

Draco: That’s right.

Weasley: And if you’re someplace else, you’re not here!

Draco: Yes. [Draco took the money] That’s right.

Weasley: Hey, give me back my money!

Draco: Who took your money?

Weasley: You did! That’s my money!

Draco: I took your money?

Weasley: That’s right!

Draco: Now just a minute. Didn’t you say I wasn’t in Hogsmeade?

Weasley: That’s right.

Draco: And I wasn’t in Diagon Alley?

Weasley: Yeah, yeah!

Draco: And I wasn’t in London?

Weasley: That’s right!

Draco: Well, if I’m not in Hogsmeade, and I’m not in Diagon Alley or London, I must be someplace else.

Weasley: That’s right.

Draco: And if I’m in someplace else, I couldn’t be here, isn’t that right?

Weasley: That’s right.

Draco: If I’m not here, how could I take your money?***

The students and those few staff members in the library started laughing, as Weasley started to turn bright red. "You better return my money to me."

Severus made his appearance. "Weasley, ten points from Gryffindor for not acting with honor. I would recommend you leave now before I start adding detention."

"Amateur." Harry muttered as Weasley left. Draco smirked. "I should have used a galleon."

"He couldn't even afford to lose the sickles." Draco remarked.


"What is that smell?" Minerva asked as they were sitting in the staff room.

Dumbledore sighed, as he shifted in his chair. "Dung bomb."

"What?" Minerva was a bit surprised.

"Any time I sit down a dung bomb goes off. I haven't been able to dispell it as of yet." Dumbledore glanced at the two Furbies who had their noses covered. "Even they-" he pointed to the Furbies "finally stopped laughing after a few hours of smelling them."

"No luck in finding out who has been doing the pranks?" Remus Lupin asked. Lupin had suggested finding the Marauder map in a meeting with Minerva and Severus in attendance. Severus didn't bother to mention that Harry already had the map.

"No, and when I find out who turned all my robes into Death Eater robes, I am going to expel them." Dumbledore was still furious about it. It had taken him almost a week to find the counter to the prank, and he wasn't sure if he did actually.

"Indeed." Severus knew that if Harry went up to the man's office and showed him how he did the spell, Dumbledore wouldn't expel him.


"She is incoming." Theo warned as Weaslette entered the library.

"Great." Harry muttered. "I was hoping to get this essay done before she showed up." Harry glanced at Draco. He smirked as an idea hit him.

"Harry, I am so glad to see you." Weaslette laid her hand on Harry's shoulder, rubbing it around in a small circle. "Can you help me with my DADA essay?"

"Can I? I suppose I could but I am finding I have no desire to assist you." Harry commented.

Weaslette pushed her chest into Harry's face. "Are you sure? We could go someplace quiet."

"I don't want to buy anything from you." Harry informed her.


"Well, you must be selling something based on your display and I am not interested in buying."

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"No, just describing you."

"How dare you!!!!!!" She screamed. "I am not a slut."

"Oh, then the Gryffindor boys and 1/2 the rest of the school must be wrong." Harry calmly replied. "I think you floo address is listed in the boys' rooms."

"Miss Weasley, I will not tolerate screaming in the library, please leave." Ms. Pince informed red-faced Weasley.

"Did you hear what he called me? He called me a slut." She screamed.

"That word has only come out of your mouth." Ms. Pince informed her. "Detention with Mr. Finch for a week and I will add a day for each additional minute you remain."

Weaslette stamped her foot and when no one made an effort to defend her, stormed away.


Weasley and Weaslette were sitting at the Gryffindor table when a dwarf entered the room. He quietly asked a student at the Ravenclaw table a question. The student pointed to Weaslette. The Dwarf walked over and tapped Weaslette on the shoulder. "Miss Ginerva Weasley?"

"Yes." Weaslette responded, ignoring everyone already laughing as some tried to warn her.


Harry, dear, see you on Friday night.

Petunia Dursley

Weaslette turned red and ran from the Great Hall as everyone was cheering and laughing. "Your aunt rules." The dwarf bowed and made his way out of the Great Hall.

"I thought you adjusted the wards to keep dwarves out?" Minerva asked.

"I had to remove it. The Board and Ministry didn't approve of it." Dumbledore looked at the letter that was from Petunia Dursley. He wasn't about to open it in the Great Hall.

"Daddy, we want a dwarf. Get us a dwarf." The Furbies started demanding.


Harry knocked on Severus' office door before he entered the office. He looked around, making sure no one was in the room. "Sev, what is the policy on snow in the school?"

"I don't believe there is a policy on snow in the school." Severus wondered what Harry was going to do. It was almost time for their Yule break which meant that Harry was going to do something to keep Dumbledore busy over the holidays.

"I might need to borrow some books."

"You know where they are."


Draco and Harry study group that included some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. They were sitting in the Great Hall, they all had a free period and wanted to work on their assignments. They wanted to get as much done so they didn't have to spent their whole Yule break working on different assignments.

Weasley entered the hall. "Does he have a tracking charm on you?" Terry Boot wondered.

"He and his sister are my stalkers." Harry responded.

"Creepy." Susan Bones looked at a few others and they all seemed to be in agreement with her.

"You traitor. You are nothing but a traitor to the light."

"Not this rant again. I thought we moved beyond that."

"I thought we broke him of that habit." Draco commented. "Theo looks like we need to start at the beginning again."

"I will break out the flashcards." Pansy commented.

"Your parents would be so ashamed of you. I bet they would disown you for being such a filthy snake. You have betrayed everything they stood for."

Harry rose from his seat. "Wow, you're right. I mean, my parents would be so ashamed of me, their child, the very child they died to save. They would certainly agree with a child, who wasn't even around to know them. A child who they had no idea even existed. Wow, I'm truly amazed by your ability to use your brains." Harry left the Great Hall.

"You are unreal, Weasley." Terry Boot stood up, as did everyone else. "When are you going to get over the idea that Harry won't be your friend."

"Well, with friends like him, I would wonder what an enemy would be like." Susan Bones commented. "Honestly, bringing up his deceased parents like that. If you did that to me, I would have cursed you until your own parents wouldn't be able to recognize you."

The numerous students agreed. Draco and Theo realized by Harry's actions, he just earned the school's loyalty, something that Dumbledore had been slowly losing.


The students were exiting the train, everyone was dressed as one of Santa's reindeer with little pendants saying their names. Anyone who got Rudolph had a red nose.

"How did he do that?" Marge asked Lucius.

"I am not sure." Lucius was wondering how Harry managed it.


Dumbledore was grumbling as he walked. He refused to look up. The two Furbies were dressed in snowsuits and were singing "Frost the Snowman" as Dumbledore had his own snow cloud. Every time he said lemon, he got a bunch of snow dumped on his head. If he said boy, he got a top hat, a carrot, and some coal dumped on him. If he stayed in one place too long, he ended up with snowbanks. He wasn't sure how to break the spell.

Chapter Text

Harry was reading in the library when Severus found him. "Should I be worried?"

Harry smirked. "No, but I have a good idea. How about a trip London?"

"I think I should be worried, but sure, if only to keep you out of trouble." Severus didn't like the smirk that Harry had on his face.

"Me, get into trouble, never. Now, come we have a meeting to arrange with some Mormons."


"Albus, there is a group of Mormons here to see you." Minerva was a bit confused. She had no idea what Mormons were but they were dressed as muggles, while clearly, they were wizards, since they could see Hogwarts.

"Mormons?" Dumbledore finally got rid of the snow cloud. The furbies were still following him.

For the next six hours, a very confused Dumbledore and Minerva finally got rid of visiting Mormons. They were very nice wizards, and while they enjoyed the conversation they weren't sure about everything they discussed and agreed to meet next week.


"I'm going to kill him." Severus was muttering as he was leaving the staff meeting. He headed to his quarters and flooed to Malfoy Manor.

"So?" Lucius was sitting in his favorite chair, in the family sitting room.

"He did it. He actually got Dumbledore to meet weekly with the Mormons. Dumbledore wants the staff to keep students away from them when they arrive."

"So he really believes they're Mormons? I honestly didn't think they would believe it." Lucius was positive that Harry's relatives wouldn't be able to convince Dumbledore to even meet with them, never mind again, weekly. "I owe the brat. I have to pay any expenses he occurs for the next six months."

"I owe him unasked assistance for the next year." Severus ungraceful dropped into a chair.

"You two got off lucky." Petunia started from the door. She moved into the room. "He got Vernon to pay for three years of archery and karate lessons after betting Vernon he could get the striking workers to return to work. He did get them to agree to the pay raise that was offered, instead of what they were asking for. No one would ever tell us what he said to the Union President but the guy loves Harry."

"I'm so glad I didn't raise him." Lucius was thankful Draco wasn't even half as Slytherin as Harry was proving to be.

"I'm thankful he is on our side." Severus didn't even want to think about Harry being aligned with Dumbledore. Actually, he didn't think Harry would have aligned with Dumbledore. Harry would have just taken the dark and light out. The kid was doing it without using a spell, getting others to assist, gladly, and didn't have to blackmail or lie to get it done.



Harry and Draco were now watching everyone get on the train. They had arrived two hours earlier. They meet with trolley woman. She had been their helper since Harry's first year. "My granddaughter is going to be starting at Hogwarts next year, thanks to you." She had started to save money, and even had a considerable vault due to playing these harmless yet fun pranks.

"Good." Harry handed her some galleons. "We got the new pumpkin treats and cookies. Also, a new item for you to sell, push them if you can. We can them Unity Brownies, some have nuts, some don't." Draco and Harry handed over all the baked goods.

The old woman smiled. She didn't have to bake as much, no one was getting hurt, everyone was enjoying the pranks, even her husband the train conductor. "Maxxie said next time that he doesn't want the train green. He said a nice shade of blue would be nice, also he thought maybe the smoke could spell out something."

"Excellent idea. We will see if we can get it to work."


Draco glanced around as they exited the train. Everyone was dressed up in a mix of all four houses. The robes were divided into four panels, on the right front was blue, left front was yellow, the back right was red, and the back left was green. Trousers and skirts had the same division but reversed the back and front colors.

"You really need to tell me how you do this." Pansy looked down. They all knew the spell to get clothes to change colors, but nothing like what Harry seemed to be able to attain.

"Madam Malkin is a fountain of information." Harry started walking towards the carriages.

"How does he get everyone to give him information." Theo really had tried to copy Harry's style but he couldn't get it done.

"I have seen him in action and I have no idea." Draco had watched Harry get everyone and anyone to believe he was an innocent and sweet kid. "If he wasn't a snake, I don't know who ever will be."

The small group nodded their agreement as they went to join Harry.


Dumbledore tried to push his office door opened, it wouldn't budge. He knew nothing was preventing him from entering it via magic. His door wasn't locked as he could push on the door. He pulled out his wand, banishing the door.

"Daddy, can we have a lemon drop?" The First Furby asked after some of the lemon drops spilled out of Dumbledore's office.

"I want chocolate." The Second Furby demanded.

Dumbledore finally managed to get out from under his precious lemon drops. His office was filled with lemon drops. He glared, raised his wand and tried to banish them, nothing happened. "Not again. What language this time?"

"Try cat." The First Furby asked. "Meow, meow." He started making cat sounds.

"Doggie." The Second Furby started barking.

Dumbledore just turned and headed for the Great Hall.


All the students could hear the sounds of meowing and barking and were wondering what was going on. They were still in their four colored outfits, and they weren't surprised when Dumbledore stormed into the Great Hall with lemon drops stuck all over him. In his hair, his beard, his clothes.

"Delayed?" Draco watched a clearly furious Dumbledore ignore everyone.

"Yes, I didn't want him to feel left out."

"You are so nice to think of him, I am sure he feels part of the group." Pansy snickered as Draco continued "any other surprises."

Harry didn't answer, and everyone turned and watched Dumbledore. As he reached the Head Table, walk around it and sat down. Suddenly an air horn blasted the air. "I guess so." Theo muttered.


Dumbledore sighed. It was nearing Valentine's Day and he knew a prank was going to occur. He felt like he was getting nowhere. His pawns certainly weren't close to Harry, these pranks were uniting the school while making him look like a fool. He needed to figure out who was doing them and fast. He was becoming a joke.

He had tried everything. He had changed his password, he had added wards, he had even tried to spy on his office, nothing worked. He had tried to stop them but putting up wards to prevent prank items from entering but nothing worked. He knew Valentine's Day was going to be another one all the students would enjoy.

He wanted to curse, all his hard work at making sure no one would associate with a Slytherin was being destroyed. No one was speaking to the younger Weasleys, especially since they were losing so many points and people were getting annoyed with their attitude.

He had pulled in all his favors, and no one had been able to tell him how this group was getting into his office. They couldn't even break the pranks at times. The Unspeakables took days to break the pranks set in his office and quarters.


"What are we going to do for Valentine's Day?" Pansy eyed the stack of books. Everyone in Slytherin had been tasked with checking out a variety of books to cover whatever plan Harry had.

"I'm so glad you asked. Here is the plan." Harry laid out his plan.


The staff entered the Great Hall and let out a sigh of relief, nothing was changed. The hall was filled with colorful balloons and there were a few hearts spread around. All the students looked a bit disappointed. That lasted until Dumbledore sat down and a loud voice shouted: "Pac Man".

All the students suddenly turned into red ghosts, except for one student at each table who turned into the pink Pac Man in a heart shape. The each table turned into a separate small maze in the house colors. The Pac Man sounds started and a distorted voice announced: The Heart Man must be caught, but beware if you catch him while he is white, you will become the Heart Man. Catch him, earn chocolate hearts, get turned, you earn a plant. If you don't catch the Heart Man, he earns a gift certificate to Honeydukes. If he gets caught, he gets a plant and chocolate heart. Rules-it must be your house Heart Man. No spells, nothing that will cause any pain, just tag. The winning house will get three cases of Chocolate Frogs. Start in ten seconds, Heart Men move to the heart at the end of your table by the door."

The Pac Man sounds started and chaos erupted. Students started playing as the staff tried to break the charms. Everyone was having a great time, except a few staff members. Severus wasn't trying to really break the charms, and he had to hide his laughs as he saw a few students attempt to catch the new Heart Man.

Dumbledore shot a firecracker into the air and everyone froze, all turning to look at him. "Daddy is a party pooper." The two Furbies announced.

"Every one return to your common rooms, dinner will be served there." Dumbledore announced, causing a lot of unhappy mumbling, but not about the prank, but about Dumbledore ending it.


"Petunia, why does Harry want rubber balls?" Vernon read the letter that Petunia had left on the kitchen table.

"I'm not sure. I'm sure we will get a memory of it."

"Why did Lucius write?"

"He said to let him know how much. Something about paying and send him the bill for the balls and other things on Harry's list."

Vernon wasn't sure what his nephew was doing, but he knew it would be interesting.


"What is that noise?" Minerva looked at Filius.

"I'm not sure. However, I do feel it would be better if we ignored it." Filius returned to his tea. He felt safe in the staff room.

The noise was getting louder and louder. Dumbledore finally looked up from his book. He had taken to hiding in the staff room for fear of whatever prank was going to happen today. He closed his eyes. "We better go out and see what it is."

Minerva sighed but got up. As they opened the door, bouncing green rubber balls bounced past. Students were in the halls and as they grabbed a ball, it would burst and green glitter floated into the air and spelled Happy St. Patrick's Day, the ball turned into green foiled cover chocolate coins.

"You know, since you use green so often, I would have thought he realized a Slytherin was doing the pranks." Draco commented to Harry, who was standing next to Severus.

"No, he thinks that is why they are green, to make him think I'm trying to get Slytherin into trouble." Harry tilted his head. "We will need more balls if we do it again. They didn't reach the front door."

"What did you do to the front door?" Severus wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"The balls would have turned into green cauldrons, filled with leaping Lucky Charms that when a student went to grab them would have screamed, in an Irish accent, "they're after me Lucky Charms." I got the idea from Seamus Finnigan."

"Next year." Severus was going to have to remember that prank.

"Question for you while we are watching them, is it me or have you notice the lack of friends for the two youngest Weasleys?" Harry had been skillfully avoiding the two, but he had noticed he wasn't the only one.

"No one in Gryffindor is happy with Ronald after he got caught picking on Longbottom. I heard he was giving Longbottom a hard time, telling him how he had to take up the mantle of being the Savior. Longbottom told him to stuff it. Ron hit him, and after McGonagall arrived, removed Ron from the common room, Weaslette started on Longbottom. It's didn't turn out well for her, as everyone laughed at her and walked away." Draco explained.

"Yes, he earned five days of detention with me." Severus smirked as he watched Dumbledore try to remove the bouncing balls. "Thank you for not doing the dungeons."

"I found it hard to get the balls to bounce up the stairs." Harry grinned, but I did leave a few there so that Dumbledore won't wonder why no balls in the dungeons."


"Here he comes." Pansy was almost running in her eagerness to hide.

Harry saw the shadow of Weasley. "My Uncle struck gold in Alaska!"

"Really. Why, Harry, that is wonderful! Do you need some money for investing? Are you going to Alaska?"

"Sure, my Uncle said anyone could invest for just a few knuts. I can't wait to go to Alaska."

Draco nodded his head once when he saw Weasley pull out a knut.

Weasley walked up to them. "Can I invest?"

"Sure. If you want." Harry looked at Weasley. "It's a gold mine, so I am sure a few pieces will increase your knuts worth."

"That’s great!"

"When I come back from Alaska, I will bring back some of that gold ore."

Weasley looked confused. "Gold ore?"


"Gold or what?"

"Just Gold ore!"

"It's got to be gold or something!" Weasley looked around seeing if anyone was watching them.

"Gold or nothing. Just Gold ore." Harry could see Draco trying not to laugh.

"It can’t be gold or nothing. It's got to be gold or something."

"No no no, you don’t understand, you see gold comes from ore. You see first you dig the gold – and then you smelt it." Harry never knew how wonderful the world of puns was until now.

Weasley looked very perplexed, clearly trying to think. "How can I smelt it if I got a cold?" Think he finally got one over on Harry Potter.

"No, never mind the cold; you smelt the ore. You see you’ve got to smelt it; first, you dig the gold up – and then you smelt it."

"Why should I dig the gold up if it is going to smell? If it smells, I don't want it."

"You must dig it up! It's the only way."

"I'm not going dig it up if it is going to smell, I vote we leave it in the ground, and I say we shovel dirt on it and bury it deeper and deeper."

"No no no, you don’t understand what I’m trying to explain to you is – that you’ve got to smelt the gold. First, you smelt it and then it comes out refined!" He wondered if Weasley was ever going to realize how this works.

"But that doesn’t make any sense! I mean if the gold is smelt, and you smelt the gold, why is it so refined? Why does it smell?"

"Harry. There you are, what are you still doing here?" Theo joined them.

"Theo, Weasley wants to invest in the gold mine in Alaska."

Theo looked at Draco, to Weasley, and back to Harry. "Wonderful, Weasley. When we get to Alaska, we’ll send Weasley some gold ore!"

Weasley's face turned red. "That is enough. Don’t give me that same routine that Potter just did."

Theo looked at Harry, who shrugged. "Weasley, it's a mining term! You see when you mine for gold, you’re apt to strike a vein of gold. A vein of gold."

"You strike a vein?" Weasley calmed down.

"You strike a vein; gold comes from veins."

"Is that why my mother's legs are so lumpy?" His question caused the rest of them to look at him. Harry wondered if someone let Weasley watch Abbott and Costello as he just seemed to walk into their plots.

"Yes, sure." Theo just gave Weasley a strange look. "When you’re mining for gold, you see you dig deep into the ground! You dig very deep."

"Fine, you dig deep."

Theo wondered about the intelligence of Weasley. "You dig until you come to a vein in the ground. A vein of gold. You strike the vein, the deeper you dig, the more veins you find, and they get closer and closer together."

Weasley's eyes lite up. "Now I understand! Just like my mother."

"Your mother?"

"She’s got very close veins!"

"What are you talking about?" Theo couldn't wait to show everyone this. Harry had his hand over his mouth while Draco had to keep wiping his eyes. They were never going to understand how Weasley kept falling into their skits.

"I’m only trying to understand."

"I'm trying to tell you if you listen, please."

"Fine, go ahead."

"You follow the main vein, you go down deep, along the main vein, that’s when you come to the Motherlode. You understand that? That’s when you strike your mother lode!"

Crickets could be heard as Weasley stared at Theo. "You strike the mother lode! You hit your mother vein!"

"What? That's enough."

"What's the matter?"

"I've heard everything I can from you, Zambini."

"What's the matter with you?"

"I never again want to hear anything from you like that. You are besmirching my good name. When you say to me that I have to go down in the mines, and strike my mother – in the vein, while she’s carrying a load. That is going too far."** Weasley stormed away.

Harry started laughing as did everyone who heard it. "I wonder how long it will take for him to realize what just happened?"


"Mr. Potter, I would like to speak to you in my office." Dumbledore was standing in front of Harry, while he was sitting at the Slytherin table after dinner.

"Sure, let me floo my magical guardian, and I'm sure he will arrive with my Aunt. Give me about twenty minutes."

"I will just write to Lord Malfoy." Dumbledore left the table.

"What do you think he wanted?" Draco and the rest of the Slytherins watched the Headmaster start for the doors.

"We exiting the room." The First Furby cheered.

"Wave bye." The Second one started waving.

"Not sure, but I bet it has to do with my seats." Harry glanced to the Head Table. Severus gave a small shake of his head.

Dumbledore muttered to himself all the way to his office. He had hoped the potions would have worked. Clearly, the boy must have his heir ring on.


The Leaving Feast arrived. The Weasley twins had not taken well to losing their crown and a small prank war had been occurring for the last few months. The Twins were creative but not as creative as Harry and the Slytherins, they also got caught a lot, while Harry and crew never did. It did help they had a Severus Snape on their side.

Harry arrived dressed in all black. Weasley, still not realizing the gold skit was a prank, asked: "Whose funeral it is?"

Harry looked around the room. "The decision hasn't been made." He made his way to his usual seat.

"Mr. Potter! My office. I will be flooing your magical guardian and your relatives." Dumbledore was glaring.

"Yes, it's about time. I am hoping I won't be here next year. I will keep in touch." A happy Harry rose from his seat.


Dumbledore, McGonagall, two Aurors, Lucius, Petunia, Severus, and Vernon were sitting in Headmaster's office. Harry was watching the debate between Lucius and Dumbledore. The two Aurors were listening. He learned their names were John Dawlish and Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Excuse me, but I never threatened anyone. All I said was "the decision hasn't been made." This school does teach divination."

"That wasn't a prophecy." Dumbledore didn't want Potter gone but he couldn't allow him to remain if he was going to kill students.

"I see, so when I do it in a broad, wide scooping way, it's not acceptable. However, when Professor Trelawney does it directly at me, describing how I'm going to die, yet never do, it's acceptable. Isn't that a double standard?"

"She tells you that you are going to die?" Auror Dawlish pulled out a recording device.

"She says things like my Inner Eye sees, describes something going to kill me. So far it's been a grim, something I dread, some kind of baying at the moon animal, some type of freezing snake, my first year she was telling me all kinds of things were after me, and it got worse each year since."

"Sybill Trelawney has predicted the death of a student every year since she came to this school. None of them have died yet." McGonagall helpfully added.

Harry wanted to laugh, as Shacklebolt closed his eyes and John Dawlish leaped at the statement. "So she makes death threats to specific students, and you want us to arrest a student for not even making one? Not that we would have, at the most he would have been expelled."

Harry knew he should have kept his mouth shut, but his inner Slytherin just refused to let him get caught for something so easy to do. "I didn't threaten anyone. I mean, really the odds are in favor of at least one person out in this whole school dying in the future. I never said a time frame, and we all are going to die someday. So, therefore, I did actually speak a true prophecy and a much better one than Trelawney."

"We can't arrest him for being truthful." Shacklebolt signaled the recording device to stop. "Mr. Potter, please refrain from making those kinds of prophecies."

"What are you going to do this Professor Trelawney? She makes threats and isn't going to be punished?" Petunia turned her glare to Dumbledore.

"I will be bringing this up to the Board if something isn't done." Lucius added. Dumbledore was on thin ice with the Board. Many parents had been complaining about his rules and his favoritism with the Gryffindors.

Dumbledore knew he had to do something, but he couldn't allow Sybill to be dismissed. "I am sure we can speak to her."

"Do so. If I hear of one more threat, I will go to the Minister." Lucius warned.

"Mr. Potter, please return to your common room." Severus ordered.

Harry hugged his Aunt and Uncle. "Night."

Chapter Text

"Death, I see death surrounding you." Professor Trelawney staggered towards Draco and Harry, wiggling her finger at Harry.

"No, not death." Harry pulled Draco to him. "Death, death is coming."

"He is near, coming closer." Professor Trelawney warned. She crashed into the suit of armor on her right and fell to the floor.

"Is he dressed in black?" Harry tilted his head at her.

"Death is always in black. You bring much death." Professor Trelawney slurred a few words before waking again. "Your future is tainted by death. Heed the warnings, heed the Headmaster." She passed out.

"Wow, Professor Snape, your death." Harry exclaimed. "What is your secret for not looking like a skeleton?"

"Potter, if you and Malfoy would escort Professor Trelawney to see Madam Pomfrey while I summon Lord Malfoy."

"Certainly, we would be honored."


"She's what?" Dumbledore was staring, in shock, at Madam Bones, Lucius Malfoy, and Kingsley.

"She has been fired. Currently, she is sleeping off her drunken stupor in a Ministry holding cell. It seems while under the influence she confessed that the prophecy you speak so highly of is a fake." Madam Bones wasn't a happy woman.

Dumbledore felt his legs give from under him. She had told them, he thought he had memory charmed the blasted woman of it. "I see."

"If I find out you had anything to do with it, Albus, I will bring you up on charges." Madam Bones warned.

"I'm sure it's a slight misunderstanding. Perhaps, when she isn't under the influence I might speak to her?" Kill her is more like it, his mind screamed. He had to make sure she didn't remember. Why were all his plans failing?

"No. She is going into rehab after I speak to her." Madam Bones wasn't looking forward to explaining this.

"She will not be returning here." Lucius handed Dumbledore the Ministry and Board decree forbidding Professor Trelawney's return to the grounds and castle.

Kingsley was the last one to leave before he tossed in the floo powder, he turned to Dumbledore. "Albus, you better not be connected to this. You are on very thin ice with the Minister and Wizengamot." He didn't wait for an answer before he was gone.


Harry and Draco were sitting in the library, again, when the Weasleys entered. "Here they come." Draco really couldn't understand why the duo kept trying. "I got a job for the summer holiday."

Draco: What are you doing?

Harry: I got a job at a bakery.

Draco: Sounds good, all that fresh bread, cakes, brownies. What’re you doing there?

Harry: Loafing.

Weaslette: Loafing?

Weasley: That sounds so cool.

Draco: Where?

Harry: In a bakery. Lots of loafing to do.

Weasley: You work at loafing.

Harry: Well, certainly.

Weaslette: Doing what?

Harry: Loafing!

Weasley: That’s what I do all summer. I take it easy.

Harry: No, no, no, not that kind of loafing. You’re just a lazy idiot. {Waves his hand dismissively}

Weasley: I take it easy, same as you.

Harry: I work when I loaf!

Weaslette: How can you work and loaf at the same time?

Harry: Why not?

Weasley: You can do that?

Harry: That’s what they will pay me for!

Weaslette: They pay you for what?

Harry: To loaf!

Weasley: {very aggravated} How do they pay you to loaf?

Harry: I will work for the baker, so I’m loafing there.

Weaslette: {very doubtful} You loaf, you don’t do a thing! How much do they pay you at the baker store?

Harry: it would be about 1 Galleon an hour, on average.

Weasley: For loafing?

Harry: I’m a union man! I belong to the union!

Weasley: I’m loafing at home, and I get nothing for it!

Harry: You’re not supposed to get money for that kind of loafing!

Weasley, like this way of money: Can I loaf there with you?

Harry: I should say not; you’ve got to join the union. All my family are union people.

Weasley: [confused] I gotta join a union of loafers?

Harry: You can’t loaf without belonging to the union.

Weasley looked at his sister: Well, what do you think of that? You mean I gotta join a union in order to loaf?

Harry: Well, certainly!

Weasley: Don't say anything but I was loafing without the union knowing.

Harry: No, you weren’t loafing there, you can’t loaf there! You just can’t loaf there, you’ve got no dough.

Weasley: I got no dough? My mother has dough.

Harry: If you have the dough you could loaf. Then you’d have to get a card and join the union.

Weasley: You mean, you’ve got to have dough to loaf?

Harry: Well sure, how can you loaf without dough?

Weasley was a bit confused: That’s very hard, I’ve been trying to do it. I mean I never had any dough.

Harry: You can’t do anything without dough.

Weasley: I’ve got to have a job there.

Harry: Someday come down to the bakery, I’ll show you how to loaf. I do real loaf. In fact, you know, I’ve never told you this, my whole family were loafers.

Weaslette, wonder if she could get a job: No kidding.

Harry: Sure, my uncle is a bigger loafer than me.

Weasley, a bit impressed now: He is?

Harry: Yeah, he was one of the best loafers in the family.

Draco couldn't resist: I think you’re a better loafer than your uncle.

Harry: I know that now because he taught me how to loaf.

Weaslette, seeing the Galleons in front of her eyes: You know you’re a bigger loafer than your uncle?

Harry: Yes, indeed.

Weasley: You’re a bigger loafer than me too?

Harry: You’re no loafer.

Weasley: I’m not?

Harry: Certainly not.

Weasley: What?

Harry: You’re just a lazy, no good for nothing … whatever you are.

Weasley: [angrily] How can I be lazy? You just told me I’m no loafer, you’re a loafer, not me!

Harry: But I get paid for loafing, you don’t!

Weasley: That’s what I don’t understand. You work in a bakery store, get paid for loafing!

Harry: That’s right!

Weaslette: I don’t understand!

Harry: What do you mean you don’t understand? What’s to understand?

Weaslette: I don’t understand you working, loafing, and getting paid for it!

Harry: Wait a minute …

Weasley: Can I get a job there, doing the same thing?

Harry: No …

Weasley: I can’t get a job there!

Harry: You have to belong to the union.

Weasley: All you do is talk, talk, talk, and all I hear – you don't say anything – loafing!

Harry: I don’t say anything?

Both Weasleys: No!

Harry: Look, you go to the union, you get a card, you go to the baker, they give you dough. You knead the dough first …

Weasley: I need the dough, and how I need the dough!

Harry: You knead the dough in order to loaf.

Weasley looked at his sister, confused, again: I need the dough in order to loaf?

Harry: That’s right. You can’t get any dough.

Weaslette: Great, union talk and dough.

Weasley: Shh, Ginny. I want to find out more about his loafing job.

Harry: You need a union card.

Weasley: What?

Harry: What makes a balloon go up?

Weasley: Hot air.

Harry: What’s holding you down?*

Draco and the rest of the staff and students start laughing as the Weasleys finally realize they have been tricked, again.


Severus wasn't surprised to find Draco and Harry in his quarters going through books. It was almost the end of the school year. It was also after curfew. "Mr. and Miss Weasley were up in Dumbledore's office complaining about your latest discussion in the library last night."

Draco started laughing. "They are idiots."

"True, however, I am expecting Dumbledore to call us to his office to settle this little misunderstanding."

"What misunderstanding? They come over to us, eavesdrop or even start the misunderstandings. It's not our fault they don't own or use a dictionary." Harry snapped the book he was reviewing closed.

Severus wisely didn't reply. Harry was upset about something. He looked at Draco. Draco mouthed "Weaslette."

"What did Miss Weasley do?" Harry didn't even respond. He went to the bookcase and pulled out some more books.

"After class, we were heading down to the library, she popped out of nowhere, tripped over Harry, and her blouse opened. She did that hair twirl thing girls do and acted all embarrassed. She tried to kiss him. It was really disgusting."

Severus arched an eyebrow. "The detention from Minerva?"

"Is from when he pushed her away, she landed on the floor with her skirt and robes up in the air, her missing knickers bottom bared for all to see as McGonagall came down the hall. She started screaming about how Harry pushed her. When Harry tried to explain, she ignored him, gave him a week worth of detention and he has to write a letter of apology."

"Like hell I am." Harry sat back down.

"I see. Lucius?"

"I already wrote a letter. I expect an answer tomorrow, if not sooner. I also wrote one to dear Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon." Draco was looking forward to that response.

Severus knew this was going to be open warfare on the two Weasleys. He knew who would win and Dumbledore was going to go down with them.


Petunia read the letter, handed it to Vernon. "Make it embarrassing."

"I will. Dudley, Marge, Augustus, I have something we need to do." Petunia felt like dancing. It wasn't often she got to do this.


Weaslette looked at the letter that landed in front of her. She looked around and could see everyone was wondering who was writing to her. She opened the letter. A huge boom went off, followed by black smoke.


Harry, dear, see you on Friday. Don't be late.

Aunt Petunia

The smoke finally cleared and everyone started laughing. Weasley was dressed as a showgirl, heavy make-up that made her look like a clown did it, teased hair, in a classic 80's style.

"Mr. Potter, my office. Now."

"Draco, get your father." Severus was already at the Slytherin table. He had known Petunia would send a message. He also knew that Dumbledore was beyond annoyed that his plots and plans weren't working.

Chapter Text

Harry and Severus waited at the Gargoyle for Lucius to arrive. Neither spoke but they could hear the yelling of Molly Weasley. Lucius didn't speak as he arrived, knowing they were listening. He smirked as he heard "my daughter isn't a hussy!"

"How did she get here so fast?" Lucius had been ready to head to Hogwarts when Draco showed up in the floo.

"He let her use his floo." Normally, the floo network wasn't used by parents unless it was an emergency.

"We might as well head up there. Why Harry is in trouble I have no idea." Lucius was going to enjoy this. He could see Harry was already planning something. He hoped he had enough funds with him to cover whatever the boy had planned with him.

The three of them headed up the stairs, the door opened before anyone could knock. "Harry, come in." Dumbledore hadn't looked to see who was with Harry.

"Hussy, hussy." The Furbies were chanting.

"You rotten brat. How-" Molly whirled around and froze seeing Lucius and Severus with Harry.

"Brat, brat." The Furbies changed their chant too. Dumbledore was doing this best to ignore them. McGonagall had her hand over closed eyes, a sign a headache was approaching.

"I believe you requested Mr. Potter's presence?" Lucius took the seat that Dumbledore transfigured since Severus went to stand by the bookcase with Harry standing next to him. In the other seats were McGonagall, Ginny, Molly, and Arthur.

"I believe it's a slight misunderstanding. I was hoping we could speak to Harry and work it out." Dumbledore held out his candy dish. "Lemon drop?"

"NOOOO, not our candy...Daddy, nooo. No more potions in drops, they ours." Tear sounds started.

"I'll say calling my daughter a hussy."

"Hussy. Hussy." The chanting started again.

"Please refrain from using words that set them off." Dumbledore held up a piece of chocolate. The Furbies started making purring sounds.

Harry was about to comment but Severus shook his head no. "Mrs. Weasley perhaps Professor McGonagall failed to mention that yesterday Miss Weasley tripped into Mr. Potter, she fell, exposing her bare buttocks in the hall for all to see. Mr. Potter has put up with your daughter trying to sit in his lap, exposing a variety of body parts, and sexual innuendo. Your son, together with your daughter and Miss Granger, regularly eavesdrop on their conversations and try to get them into trouble. It has backfired numerous times, resulting them being barred from the library. Miss Grangers' parents have removed her from Hogwarts."

"My daughter-"

"She loud."

"She sooooooo loud."

Dumbledore held up the piece of chocolate. "Molly, be quiet." Arthur rose. "I'm not sure what exactly is going on but I know what my other boys have told me. I have heard all the different excuses but that is what they are, excuses for our youngest two's bad behavior. I will not accept it any longer. Ginny wasn't wearing any undergarments, Molly. That is very concerning to me. Percy and the twins have written a great deal about what they have seen and heard. Mr. Potter, I do apologize on behalf of my wife and youngest children."

"Thank-you. I accept. Please just keep them away from me."

"To make sure it happens. I have a restraining order for Ronald and Ginerva Weasley." Lucius pulled out the paperwork. "The Dursleys filed the request last week and has it's been an ongoing issue. Amelia agreed that it would help solve the issue."

"I don't believe that will be necessary. Surely, now that Arthur has apologized, we can move forward."

"Slight misunderstanding." The Furbies made echoing sounds out of the words.

"No, I want it. Frankly, I want to be checked for tracking charms with how easy the find me." Harry knew they were doing something to find him in Hogwarts.

"I will see that it is done. As I agree, they do seem to find you too easily. Almost exactly like the Marauders would find where I was as a student." Severus glanced between Lupin and Dumbledore. "What do you have that permits you to find him? Don't deny it, I saw the look." He wanted to kill Dumbledore, him and his stupid games.

"Map, map, map, map." The Furbies were bouncing in the air. Dumbledore looked ready to fry them while Lupin hunched down in the chair.

"Map?" Everyone but those in the know asked.

"I believe I know. I found it in Ron's room over Yule break." Arthur pulled out a map that he had the twins return to him earlier. "I asked the twins to retrieve it for me. They explained to me what it is. It's a map of Hogwarts that shows where everyone is." Arthur was furious. "I don't know what is going on but it ends. Lucius, I will sign the Order, Ginny and Ron will add their blood either willingly or I will make them."

"How does it work?" Lucius wanted to examine the map. Maybe they could have Rookwood and a few others work on making their own copy.

Arthur explained it as Dumbledore and Lupin got a lecture from McGonagall. Severus, Harry, and Lucius asked a lot of questions which Dumbledore and Lupin didn't want to answer but McGonagall made them. She also explained how she thought it might work. At the end of the night, Severus pulled McGonagall off to the side. Arthur and Lucius went through the terms of the restraining order. "That detention will be challenged."

"I was unaware of all the facts, it will be removed." McGonagall looked over her shoulder. "I don't know what is going on but he is doing it for a reason. I think he believes that You-Know-Who is going to return."

"Minerva, I have told him, he can't. My mark is gone. He just refuses to listen."

"I will do what I can but I feel he is driving himself out of a job."

Severus didn't comment as he agreed. Dumbledore was also getting help in being driven out. Harry wasn't going to allow the man to stay in charge after this and neither was Lucius. While the map wasn't illegal and stalking was only illegal in the muggle world, it was still frowned upon.


"Severus, I need your assistance." Dumbledore was vexed. The students had already left for the summer holiday and Severus was in the process of closing his labs down.

"What is the issue?" Severus just wanted to get to Malfoy Manor and relax.

"My office and quarters. Everything is gone. Everything, the books, the portraits, my clothes." Dumbledore was dressed in bright orange robes.

"Gone?" He saw the two Furbies were also dressed in orange but something was on their mouths. "What is wrong with them?"

"They aren't speaking to me until I get their toys back."

Severus thought that was a good thing. "Let's go and see your office. Fawkes?"

"No, my office, quarters, everything is missing. Nothing is there."

Severus wondered how Harry had done it.


Severus finally arrived at Malfoy Manor in time to join everyone for dinner. "Ah, Severus, glad you could make it."

"I do apologize. Dumbledore was very confused. It seems he lost his office, his quarters, even his bird."

"Yes, it seemed only fair." Harry took a sip of his milk.

"What did you do?" Severus was going to have grey hairs.

"Well, he likes that Fidelius Charm so much. I put his quarters and office under a Fidelius Charm."

"Who is the secret keeper?" Lucius wondered how the boy managed that.

"Me. I had Augustus cast the spell."

"Wonder how long it will take him to figure that out?" Petunia couldn't help but laugh.

"Can it be broken?" Lucius didn't want Harry to get caught.

"Yes, I put a password on it. He has to say lemon drop in Armenian. He will summon Augustus and Augustus plans on playing with it for a few days, call in a few associates, and discover the password. Once it's known the password is lemon drops, I'm sure more will wonder about him losing his office and quarters."

"I never want him angry with me." Narcissa quietly commented to Petunia.

Chapter Text

Harry was kicking back in his compartment with Draco. "It's weird." Blaise announced.

"What?" Pansy and Daphne had been looking through a fashion spellbook for ways to change their hair length and into different styles.

"Not having Harry's stalkers around. They haven't even walked past the compartment. No creepy Weaslette peeking in."

"I find it refreshing. The restraining order may be only for Harry but it has been keeping them away from us."

"True, that is a nice bonus." Theo looked at Harry. "What did you do to them?"

"Me? Do anything?" Harry looked affronted, but clearly, it wasn't working. "Fine, let's just say the two little stalkers have their own stalkers now."

"Furbies?" Theo, along with a few others, were still surprised that Dumbledore couldn't get rid of the Furbies.

"Nope, something that will make them laugh."

"NO!" Draco started laughing.

"What is so funny?" Pansy was looking at Draco like he was crazy.

"He had to have given them each a Tickle Me Elmo doll."

Harry grinned. "You know me so well."

"Taking bets on what they will say when we get off of the train. Harry, you aren't allowed." Draco pulled out the small muggle notebook he picked up for recording their bets.


"You aren't a wizard, you're a squib." Students all turned and saw a red teddy bear following Ron Weasley. Everyone was laughing at their new outfits, all of them were wearing cloaks that had all four house mascots dancing with each other. Each cloak panel was a house color.

"You should wear a bra and your knickers. A good girl wears them." Ginny Weasley's face flushed as her red teddy bear started to lecture her on what good witches wore. "You'll never get a good wizard by sleeping around either."

"Maybe it's your wand? You might need to actually get one that works." Ron took a swipe at the red bear. "Missed me, again. Do you even exercise? I know you can eat." The red bear looked around. "He doesn't close his mouth either."

Harry and Draco walked over to where Lucius and Narcissa were standing. A privacy charm was quickly cast as they watched Molly Weasley try to get rid of the two red bears. "What are those?" Lucius wondered what Harry had done now.

"Those are the things that Petunia and I picked up in London." Narcissa smirked. "However, they certainly didn't say those phrases."

Lucius smirked. "Those are Tickle Me Elmos?"

"I'm trying Ronald but nothing is working." Molly screamed over the crowd.

"Well, now I see where this one gets his manners from."

"Indeed." The second one added.

"Used Severus for an example?" Narcissa looked at Harry. "No, you got him to say the phrases and changed the voice."

Harry just grinned. "He is so going to want to see this."

"Unhand me, Madam. Did no one teach you where it is appropriate to touch?" The Ginny one looked at her counterpart. "I see where this one gets her touchy-feely from." They watched Molly's face go red as the Tickle Me Elmo started screaming. "No, I do not accept touching in that area, that is a no area."

The Aurors on the platform headed toward the screaming toys. "Mrs. Weasley, perhaps you and your family should leave the platform taking your children's toys with them."

"Timer or wears off?" Lucius was still trying to figure out the Furby prank.

"Same spell as the Furbies." Harry took Draco's bet book. "Let's see who won."


Augustus was smiling as he entered the Malfoy Manor's sunroom in time for tea. "Good day?" Narcissa poured Augustus a cup of tea.

"Very, I finally got Dumbledore to realize the password to his office. He didn't think it would work. He finally agreed to speak the password in front of the staff and a few other Ministry workers. Everyone was commenting on how the man must be going senile."

"Did he figure out it was a Fidelius Charm?" Severus had been listening to Dumbledore complain since the end of the term. Dumbledore had been calling daily meetings concerning his missing office, quarters, and tower. Dumbledore had to live in the Gryffindor guest quarters and he had to endure a lot of people asking him about his missing office and quarters.

"No, he has decided he doesn't know what happened." Augustus had enjoyed tormenting Dumbledore over the last month. Originally, he was going to fix the problem within a week but Dumbledore was annoying. "Where is Harry?"

"They went to the arcade. Dudley and his friends invite Harry, Draco, and Theo. I told them we would all go to the movies this weekend." Lucius had been surprised at how well all the boys got along.

"What is Harry planning for the return?" Augustus knew Harry was planning something.

"I'm not really sure, he hasn't asked any of us to pick up anything, however, he still has a lot of supplies." Severus had seen Harry sorting through things. "The Tickle Me Elmo, has anyone heard anything regarding the Weasleys and them?"

"When I was at the Ministry, I overheard a few people speaking about how annoying Molly Weasley was going with her complaints to the different departments. She had a fit in the Auror office after the two youngest were escorted out of Diagon Alley because of the screaming match the two got into with the Elmo's giving a very colorful description about what they were fighting about."

"Dumbledore tried to assist them in the removal of the Elmos. However, it got his Furbies upset and the four had a shouting match outside of the Burrow. It made the Quibbler." Severus only knew because Molly had stormed into Hogwarts waving the paper around.

"Oh, is that what Molly was doing at Hogwarts?" Augustus had seen her but like everyone else who knew the woman, hide when they saw her coming.

"Yes. I had to endure it until Minerva dragged them out of the staff room enabling me to leave Hogwarts."

"Enough of that. We have no children tonight. They are sleeping over at Petunia's. What do we want to do?"

"I promised Marge I would take her out tonight so count me out."

"I'm out, I have a paper I need to review to get in the mail for publication." Severus checked the time. "If I leave now, I can make it to my own home without Dumbledore being aware of it."

"Well, my love, it's just us tonight." Lucius kissed Narcissa's hand.


"Is that another one?" Blaise looked at the group of red-heads heading toward them. They had come to Diagon Alley to pick up their school supplies.

"It certainly looks like it." Draco could see a red-haired boy was talking to Ginny Weasley. Ginny was actually dressed in a nice blouse and skirt.

"They're like rabbits." Dudley looked at his cousin. "You don't think he is coming to Hogwarts this year?"

"Most likely, thankfully that restraining order counts for outside of Hogwarts." Harry didn't want to deal with any Weasleys with the exception of the twins.

"They're pointing at you, Harry." Theo also didn't like the way the other two Weasleys were looking at Harry. "They're still going to stalk you."

"Yes, and most likely use whoever that youngest one is to keep tabs on me." Harry would have to speak to Severus about this newest Weasley.


"You're now 15." Severus was stirring the potion he had spent a few months working. It was a potion for vampires. It would allow them to move around in the daylight while cutting back on their blood cravings.

"Yes, and I'm aware of the situation." Harry lowered his book that he had been making adjustments in. "Aunt Marge and Uncle Augustus gave me the lecture last week. Talk about embarrassing but it was better than having Aunt Petunia or Uncle Vernon attempting the discussion."

"Your decision?" Severus knew fifteen was an important age for a lot of wizards and witches. Oh, it's wasn't a magical inheritance or acceptance into any programs but it was important for sexual leanings to appear. It was how many discovered if they were gay, straight, had a soul mate, or even a creature inheritance mate.

"Same as yours, wait until I'm out of Hogwarts. I mean I know your twenty years older than me, but I feel that we do not want to do the underage thing, and certainly no professor and student thing." Harry had spent a few days reading about everything he had been lectured on. He discovered that he was the dominant one in the relationship. It didn't mean they were into d/s or anything.

"I agree. I would have told you but I wasn't exactly aware of the situation." Severus never thought he would find the person he was meant to be with.

"Sev, neither of us was. I think it's because despite how much we are around others, we are still private people." Harry learned at a very young age that you kept things in the family and that policy spilled into other areas of his life. While he was close to his family, he was still very private.

Severus didn't respond for a few minutes. He knew Harry was comfortable with who he was as a person, something he never felt. He knew his faults, he knew his strengths, he wasn't under any illusions about his looks. He also knew one very important thing, Harry was his match. He wasn't sure if that is what drew him to Lily or if it's why he held onto Lily's image for so long. "You know about your mother and me."

"Yes, but in love and loving someone is two different things. You loved my mother but you weren't in love. That is a big difference."

"True. I'm in agreement with you regarding waiting until you are of legal age." Severus wasn't sure if he would be able to handle Harry dating anyone. This summer was when their magic started to recognize each other.

"Sev, I can't promise I won't flirt with others but I can promise there won't be others."

Severus frowned. "Harry, I'm not asking you to do that."

"You didn't. It doesn't feel right, even all the times Weaslette tried things, it didn't feel right. I didn't know why until that wonderful discussion with Aunt Marge and Uncle Augustus." Mental note to self, never, ever speak to the pair of them about anything regarding life changes.

Severus put a cover over the cauldron. "Harry, I'm sure you will experiment with others your own age."

"Did you?"

Severus was a bit surprised by the question but this was Harry and he knew he shouldn't have been. "No, I thought for a long time something was wrong with me. I got the lecture by Minerva and Poppy."

"Oh, the mental image, so not wanting to image that." Harry couldn't resist shuddering. While he liked both women, that was something he wouldn't want to have to hear from them.

"Try living it." Severus laughed. "I will do what I can to make things easier for you."

"For us, you mean. From what Uncle Augustus told me, us just spending time together helps. He said it worked with him and Aunt Marge. He also said because of the age difference, it will be a slower process for me feeling the changes versus Draco and Pansy. I caught them kissing in the barn."

"Stables, Lucius will have a fit if you-" Severus looked at Harry, who was trying not to laugh. "Funny."

"I thought so. Do you want to help me plan the return train prank? I have the basics worked out but can't get one part to work."

"Show me."

Chapter Text

"So who else had the talk over the summer?" Greg and Vincent had spent most their summer holiday going to historical places in Europe. Next year, Vincent was going to head to America.

"I think we all got it." Draco looked around the compartment. No one wanted to speak about the talk.

"What is this year's prank?" Daphne wasn't sure if Harry had an idea or not. He hadn't asked them for help so far.

"Harry and Severus worked it out. It ought to be good." Blaise and those in the compartment weren't worried. Harry's pranks were fun.

"Is that why he isn't here?" Greg hadn't seen Harry since they returned.

"No, Uncle Severus suggested Harry for Prefect. Dumbledore actually agreed. Uncle Severus didn't have to fight for it. Pansy too, so they're at the Prefect meeting. However, Uncle Severus warned us that Weasley is now the Gryffindor Prefect. McGonagall tried to change Dumbledore's mind but he pulled some strings." Draco knew he wasn't the only one not surprised by Dumbledore's newest move.

"He is going to be unbearable." Theo knew he wasn't the only one feeling that way.

"According to Uncle Severus, Weasley was warned about his usual behavior." Draco and the rest of the snakes no warning was going to work.

"You know he did it so that Weasley would have that restraining order rescinded and have a way for Weasley to get near Harry." Astoria really couldn't believe how many rules Dumbledore broke regarding Weasley. She looked over at Draco. "Isn't it against the rules for someone with his record to be Prefect?"

"That is what Uncle Severus and McGonagall informed Dumbledore but the man didn't seem to care. I think Harry has an idea regarding it."

"When doesn't Harry?" Daphne smirked.

"Is the train smoke changing colors?" Greg had been looking out the window.

"Yes, it is." Harry stood in the doorway. "I need some volunteers for the last part. It involves Weasley."


Everyone got off of the train and laughed. Each train car was a different house color with an alternate color of smoke above it that spelled out: Welcome back to Hogwarts. May you have a wonderful returning year. The returning students welcome the first-years.

The students' uniforms were now sporting a green cloak, yellow hat, red trousers or skirts, and blue shirts. The four house crests appeared on all the cloaks. The staff didn't even bother to try and change the uniforms as the students made their way to the Great Hall. Suddenly they heard a loud braying sound.

All the students looked at a donkey wearing a school uniform entered the hall and went to the Gryffindor table. "Ron?" Weaslette touched the donkey. The donkey's head started nodding up and down then start braying. "Who did this? It has to be a snake. They are the only ones who would do this. Headmaster, I demand you find out who did this to my brother."

"She is sounding more and more like her mother every day." Harry quietly commented to Draco.

"The students responsible for the pranks will remove them and see me in my office." Dumbledore sounded old.

"Sure, let me rush right up there." Harry mumbled to Draco who started laughing.

"This isn't funny!" Weaslette screamed at Draco which caused more laughter.

One of older Gryffindor Prefect stood up. "I'm sorry sir, but Weasley got himself into his own situation. He had been bullying some younger years and when he went to cast a spell on them, he turned into that."

"He was actually calling some first years snakes and telling them if they did anything he was going to be there and make them pay." A Hufflepuff student stood up. "I tried to tell him one was my brother and he called me a traitor."

Weasley started kicking and braying up a storm as numerous other students stood up and spoke against him. McGonagall was glaring at Dumbledore as Dumbledore tried to pretend to listen to his students while trying to get Weasley to stop drawing attention to himself by placing a Silencio on Weasley. Harry placed his head on Draco's shoulder to cover up his laughter. This couldn't have worked out better. He had set up the prank for it to go off when Weasley used his wand. He didn't expect the idiot to try it on first years.

"Students settle down. Ginny, take your brother up to Madam Pomfrey. Now let's begin the sorting." Dumbledore ignored the glare from McGonagall. He wasn't going to be able to keep Weasley as Prefect. Suddenly everyone was wearing a Prefect Badge. Harry was sure he heard Dumbledore moan in pain.

"No new Weasley." Harry looked for the one they saw in the Alley. "Interesting."


Harry, Draco, and Theo arrived earlier than normal for their DADA class. Harry wanted to ask Augustus about some aspects of the new defense spell they had learned last week. They entered the room to find Remus Lupin in the classroom. Lupin appeared at Hogwart at times to aid Dumbledore but Harry had managed to avoid the man.

"I thought he wasn't allowed to teach?" Draco quietly asked.

"Me too." Harry wasn't sure what game Dumbledore was playing. He wondered where his Uncle was. Dumbledore had tried to get Sirius hired again but it was rejected. He wondered if this was going to be Dumbledore's plan this year. The class was filled, including Weasley who was still mad about losing his Prefect Badge, along with the most embarrassing howler he received from his mother. As soon as class started, Lupin didn't explain where Augustus was until, like normal, a brave Gryffindor asked.

"Professor Rookwood will be returning next month. He got a special assignment and I'm here until he returns."

Harry and Draco exchanged a look. A special assignment, they would bet that Dumbledore arranged for this special assignment. They would also bet that Augustus was going to be delayed in returning until Dumbledore felt Harry was under his control. They also knew that Lucius didn't know Lupin was teaching. They planned on telling him and having the other students inform their parents. The next Board meeting was going be a very interesting Board meeting.

"Now, I'm going to teach everyone the spells in the Protego line of charms." Harry raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Sir, we learned those spells last year. Protego, Protego Horribilis, Protego Maxima, and Protego Totalum."

"I see. I must have picked up the wrong year lesson. Thank you." Lupin looked down at his lesson plan. He had thought he would be teaching them something new and exciting. "Let's try the Patronus Charm." Draco resisted the urge to laugh as Blaise raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Zambini?"

"Sir, we learned that during our third year." It went like that for the next ten minutes before Lupin just had them break into groups and practice some shield spells that Augustus had taught them.

Lupin ended the training about ten minutes before class was to end, giving everyone a written assignment, which was an assignment everyone had done last year. "Mr. Potter, a word with you after class." Lupin was sitting behind the desk.

Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Wait for me?"

"You know it." Draco and Blaise responded as Theo passed the word to the others.

As soon as the class was emptied Harry walked up to the desk. "Yes, Professor Lupin?"

"Harry, in private you can call me Remus. I knew your parents very well and would like to get a chance to know you while I'm here at Hogwarts."

"No, thank you, Professor Lupin. You had fourteen years to do that, you never even wrote." Harry was going to remain polite. However, he was angry. How dare this man do this? He knew from his Aunt and Uncle that Lupin knew who they were. They had met at his parents' wedding.

"Professor Dumbledore felt it was best that we didn't visit. I wanted to. I know Sirius does. He has been trying to get everything in order for you to come live with him."

Well, that was interesting information. It was never going to happen, but it was interesting. Dumbledore must really be getting desperate. "I see, so if he told you to jump off of the London Bridge would you?"

"It's not like that Harry. We did what we thought would protect you. I couldn't take a chance of visiting you."

"You couldn't pick up a quill, a piece of parchment, and write a letter for my birthdays? Christmas? Even just a thinking of you? You didn't. Instead, you allowed me to be placed against my parents' wills with my Aunt and Uncle. Thankfully, they are wonderful, caring people who have raised me as if I was their son. So excuse me, if I don't feel all that forgiving toward you, Sirus, or Professor Dumbledore and his attempts to get me away from my family. Please keep this on a professional level, Professor Lupin." Harry walked to the door. "You knew who my Aunt married. You can't even pretend to be ignorant of the facts." He walked out of the door.

Harry nodded to his friends. Lupin joined Dumbledore on the pranking list. Harry knew exactly what to do. "I believe the wolf needs to find out about hair remover."


Harry arranged a time to meet Severus to discuss Lupin and his obsession with getting to know Harry. Lupin seemed determined to change Harry's mind on him, Sirius, and Dumbledore. All week the three of them had found ways to talk to Harry. Usually by having Lupin asking Harry to remain behind after class, or cornering him in the library.

Severus saw Harry enter his office and put some privacy wards. "How bad?"

"He is insisting that he wants to get to know me, not because of Dumbledore. However, every time he opens his mouth, Sirius, Dumbledore or one of the Weasleys come out of his mouth. How I need to give them a chance and get to know them. He ignores everything I say." The past week, they had dyed Lupin green, made him bald, his clothes were robes only Dumbledore would wear. The man's books were blank, and every time he mentioned Dumbledore or Sirius, he got the hiccups.

"Lucius is already working on it. Augustus went to his boss and found out it was Dumbledore that wanted him on this new assignment. His boss wasn't happy about the assignment. It's a translation of some basic runes that anyone could do, not just the DoM. When he learned that Dumbledore pulled the strings, he wasn't happy." Severus had enjoyed watching Lupin get a taste of the pranks the Marauders played on him. Granted his snakes stuck to the harmless ones, but it was fun to watch.

"Fudge?" While Harry was still learning politics, he knew Fudge was a puppet. The one with the most gold controlled Fudge.

"The idiot had no idea. He only knew that Dumbledore needed an emergency professor and agreed to allow Dumbledore to hire whomever. He didn't know it was Lupin. Umbridge, kindly informed Fudge that Lupin is a werewolf."

"I bet she kindly informed him. That woman is a menace." Harry had the dishonor of meeting Umbridge when he had gone to the Ministry to file his heir testing results and hadn't liked the woman when she ignored him until she discovered his name and who he was with.

"Agreed. Lucius was able to call a Board meeting for this afternoon. Dumbledore wasn't happy about the news. Lupin will be packing his bags by the end of the day. It seems a lot of students wrote to their parents about Lupin trying to reteach them lessons they had the previous years. Lupin let it slip in the fifth-year Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff class that Dumbledore gave him the lesson plans. Dumbledore can't claim it is Slytherin trying to make Lupin, a Gryffindor, look bad."

"That is interesting. I'm sure Lucius is going to use that?" Harry knew he was going to be using the information.

"Yes, he already has. Lady Longbottom wrote to Neville and a few other board members wrote to their children. The students sent them copies of their assignments. Lady Longbottom was the one who agreed with Lucius for today's special board meeting. Dumbledore usually counts Lady Longbottom on his side. She will sway the vote to get rid of Lupin. The Board has been pulling for better education and this is their way of doing it."

"We have to do something to send Lupin off."

Severus smirked. "How about the prank they did to me during my fifth year."

"The one that left you hanging upside down?" Harry liked that idea.

"Exactly. However, with some changes."

"I'm thinking pink."

Severus smirked. "Pink thong underwear with matching bra."

Chapter Text

Severus and Harry remained hidden as the students started to come down the main staircase. They had seen Lupin heading down to the main staircase. They set up the trap and hid in the alcove and watched as Lupin triggered the prank. Lupin started screaming as he flew up into the air. Severus cast a Silencio on Lupin.

They remained in the alcove by the stairs and watched as the students started laughing at a hanging Lupin from the ceiling. Lupin's arms were waving as he tried to swing up to undo the rope he was hanging from. The man was hairless, hanging upside down in pink panties (nothing was showing) and matching lacy pink bra. Lupin had bright red lipstick on with hooker blue eyeshadow and everyone could see matching bright red nail polish on Lupin's fingernails and toenails. He had on a pair of high heel opened-toe black shoes. A banner was hanging above Lupin declaring that Lupin was available for employment.

"Wonder how much he charges per hour?" A Gryffindor loudly asked another Gryffindor, causing several to laugh.

"Not sure but I'm sure he won't get many customers." Another Gryffindor answered.

"Who would hire him?" A Slytherin quietly asked.

"I don't think pink is his color nor that shade of lipstick." A Ravenclaw seventh year stated.

"I agree, maybe a peach color. It would match his undies." A Hufflepuff held up her own lipstick.

"A nice coral shade like my own." A sixth year added. Other students were chiming in with their own beauty advice.

Dumbledore finally arrived and tried to get Lupin down. Each time the man cast a spell the undergarments that Lupin was wearing changed color causing students to laugh harder. The Furbies were doing catcalls while also suggesting jobs for Lupin. Dumbledore was getting annoyed at everyone laughing. The Bratty Duo arrived with the Tickle Me Elmo. The Elmo's who added their own comments, including asking Weaslette if she was giving Lupin lessons but added that since she didn't wear undies she might instead take lessons from Lupin. The Elmo's starting listing off mail-order catalogs, which turned into insults. Soon all four of the toys got into a contest to see who could come up with the best insult for Lupin. The students were laughing and calling out their own ideas on available jobs for Lupin. Many of the students were encouraging the four toys. The two Weasleys were trying to get their Elmo's to stop talking. Dumbledore gave up on getting Lupin down and ordered everyone into the Great Hall for breakfast.

"Great food for the human eating machine that is just what we don't want to watch." Weasley's Elmo bellowed. "No one sits near him if you don't want to share his meal."

"This one might sit on someone's lap." Weaslette's announced. "Do try to remember how to act like a lady. She is also wearing undies for a change. Thank Merlin for small favors."

"Ron, Ginny, go to breakfast, the rest of you, too." After the students reluctantly obeyed, Dumbledore faced Minerva. "Where is Augustus? I believe he is going to be needed for this prank."

The staff followed the students into the Great Hall, knowing that they couldn't do anything to help. Lupin wasn't going to be removed any time soon. The students started to place orders for pictures with Draco before the day was over.

"He hasn't arrived as of yet. He isn't due until tomorrow. He doesn't have classes today so he wanted to use the time to review the lesson plans and finish his errands in Diagon Alley." Minerva cast a spell that put a sheet of cloth to hang in front of Lupin. "I will see if I can get in touch with him before he leaves his home."

Harry glanced at Severus, they smirked. Augustus was already aware of their plan and made arrangements for his floo to give a message saying to contact him at Hogwarts. Augustus was the one provided the way to make sure that Lupin wouldn't be in any danger from hanging upside down. While the Marauders didn't make sure when they did their prank to Severus, they weren't going to take any chances.

"Perhaps Sirius might have an idea on how to break this prank as I remember they did this prank to Severus." Minerva knew Dumbledore wasn't happy with this latest prank. "Though they did it outside I do believe it's the same basic idea."

"Harry must have done this." Dumbledore declared.

"Harry hasn't even spoken to Sirius or Remus. He would have no idea how the prank was done. Severus might have mentioned the prank being done to him but I don't see Severus revealing that information. It's a Marauders' prank so I will speak to the Weasley Twins. They might have some information." Minerva wished Dumbledore would listen when people spoke to him. He was so blinded by what he wanted to happen that he was ignoring the facts.


"Don't Minerva me. For years you have tried to force that boy into relationships with the Weasleys, Sirius, and Remus. Harry has caring relatives and doesn't get into trouble. Be happy that he is so well-adjusted."

Severus and Harry had to cover their mouths. Harry being well-adjusted was very debatable. Severus and Harry started to head to the Great Hall. Black was the key to releasing the spell. As soon as Black mentioned any of the common prank release words the prank would release Lupin. Severus and Harry knew Black would get the blame.

"I'm also sure you do not want his aunt writing you another letter." Minerva warned. She had been listening to the staff voice their complaints to her about how Dumbledore needed to stop these yearly events.

"Good morning." Severus greeted them as they reached Dumbledore and Minerva.

"What's behind the sheet?" Harry pointed to the cloth.

"It's nothing for you to worry about, Harry. Why don't you head to breakfast?" Dumbledore waved his hand toward the Great Hall doors.

"Naked wolfie." The Furbies chorused. "Mutt teaches well."

"What?" Dumbledore turned his gaze to his Furbies. "Did Sirius tell you about this spell?"

"Mutt teaches us well." They chorused together.

"Who is the Mutt?" Harry innocently asked.

"It was Sirius Black, I have no idea which last name is he using. What did the Mutt do now?" Severus wondered how Harry got the Furbies to say that. He reviewed the last few lines of the conversation he had heard and realized Harry had set it for the Furbies to blame Black when Dumbledore said, Harry.

"Remus is hanging upside down behind the cloth." Minerva explained. "He isn't dressed appropriately."

Severus stepped around Dumbledore and looked up. He snickered. "I see the Mutt has been busy. Since this is in the direct line to the dungeons he must have meant for me to pranked."

"I don't believe Sirius planned on pranking you."

"Albus, Severus is correct. The prank was set in a direct line for Severus to walk from the dungeons to the Great Hall." Minerva never cared for the pranks the Marauders did. They didn't care if someone got hurt or embarrassed, whereas the other pranks over the years didn't embarrass or hurt anyone. This prank had the Marauders' name written all over it. She also knew that Sirius would deny it. "Harry, why don't you join your house?"

"Sure, have fun." Harry needed to speak to Draco about setting getting the film developed and how much they wanted to charge for a picture.

Severus waited until Harry was gone. "Since you are going to bring the Mutt here to fix this, remind him to stay away from me." He wished he could warn the Mutt away from Harry but knew Dumbledore would ignore whatever he said.

"Ohhhh the Mutt is coming to play with us." The Furbies cheered. "We have doggie biscuits for him."

Severus arched an eyebrow. "They appear to behaving better."

"Yes, as long as Albus keeps giving them chocolate." Minerva had watched Dumbledore bribe the Furbies with behaving.

"Candy, candy." The Furbies began to chant.

Dumbledore held up a piece of chocolate. "I will go and get Sirius." Dumbledore headed to his office.

Severus walked with Minerva into the Great Hall.


Augustus made his way to Severus' quarters. He wasn't a happy camper. He knocked and when Severus granted him entrance he honestly wasn't surprised to find Draco and Harry sitting on Severus' couch working on their assignments. Severus was at his desk correcting assignments. "Dumbledore is going to call a staff meeting."

"What did he do now?" Severus knew he wasn't going to like it. The school had only been in session for less than two weeks.

"Lucius messaged me that he was able to get Sirius and Lupin hired as assistants. They will assist any professor; cover for when they need time off, or if they get sick. They will also be setting up a Defense club." Augustus went numerous times during the week to the Ministry to pick-up any assignments that needed his assistance. Lucius and he couldn't sit down and have lunch but when necessary Lucius would leave coded messages for Augustus. "I heard Lady Longbottom speaking to her brother and from what I heard Dumbledore was able to get around Sirius's little mental issue by saying he wasn't a professor but was going to assist."

"He got them here by using the staff's requests for assistance." Severus and the rest of the staff had been asking for decades for assistants or even if they could use the upper years to aid in the classes, especially those who were also head of a house. Dumbledore always vetoed the idea. He claimed the upper years had to study for their NEWT's and there wasn't room in the budget for him to pay assistants.

"Great, we get rid of one of them and two return." Severus knew the doggie duo was going to make his life difficult. He knew Lupin wasn't bad by himself but the Mutt was never going to change.

"You know Dumbledore is going to try and get me and Sirius to work on our godfather bond." Harry wanted nothing to do with the man. "Lupin kept trying to pull me aside to set up meeting times, so I don't think that will change."

"No, it won't. He is doing it because of the restraining order." Severus wanted to test some potions on the old fool. Dumbledore wasn't about to give up on having Harry's name linked to Dumbledore and the Weasley family. Dumbledore really wanted Harry to be willing to join the Order.


Harry looked at Draco. The doggie duo had been had Hogwarts for a week and was driving anyone in Slytherin up a wall. Sirius made his views on anyone in Slytherin. Sirius would remove double the points from Slytherin for any infractions and refused to give any points to anyone in Slytherin. If anything happened Sirius would loudly state that it had to be done by a Slytherin. Sirius would immediately follow that up by saying how his godson was being ruined by all the snakes.

"I wonder…"

"Thinking of Sirius Noname and Lupin?" Draco and the rest of their friends were sitting in the dorm. They weren't sure how to keep the Mutt from using the Black name without giving away that they knew. They were also not happy with all the points the Mutt was removed from their house. Draco lost ten points for his tie being loose after lunch when Draco was heading back to the dorm.

"Yes, and I remember how much Weasley twins worshipped the Marauders. I say we use the Marauders' pranks." The Weasley Twins didn't worship the Marauders after they heard Sirius bragging about the pranks they did when they attended Hogwarts. While the twins were pranksters and always creating things, they didn't aim to hurt or humiliate anyone as Sirius did.

"I am game. I'm sure we can figure them out." Pansy, Blaise, and Theo headed toward the bookcase in the room. "Most of their stuff is based on Transfiguration which we know that Harry's father was good at. None of them were good in Potions, so that leaves us with Charms."

"Lupin is good with Defense; some of those spells could be used in pranks." Theo added.

"A Black house elf might know if Sirius has them written down." Draco suggested. "Especially since Sirius can't get into any of the Black properties to collect his belongings."

"True and I know of one elf that hates Sirius. Severus was telling me about how Reggie and Sirius argue about the elf in Hogwarts and Sirius would complain about it at Order meetings when Sirius would start to whine about his how evil his family was. Severus said Sirius is still complaining about his dark family. According to Severus and Augustus, Sirius wants to find out who Lord Black is and get back into the family. Sirius is hoping I will accept him when I come of age."

"They had to keep notes. Look at that map. I bet between a Potter and Black elf we will find something." Draco pulled out some parchment. "While they do that, I have an idea of what we can do to the idiot duo."

"So do I. Something that will make them think they are winning." Harry pulled out his own stack of parchment. "Let's get started."


Pansy was being followed. It had taken her a long time to get them to follow her. She headed toward the unused classroom where she knew her friends were waiting. She entered the room. "They are coming."

Harry smirked as they waited for the sensor to let them know the duo was close. "Are you all set for the poker game tonight, Draco?"

"You bet, Harry, I've been reading up on the game till I've become an expert." Draco had made sure to be seen reading the book by Weaslette.

"That's great." Harry shuffled some cards near the door so that Weasley and Weaslette would hear.

"Which type of poker will we play - auction or contract?"

"Draco, I'm sorry to tell you this but uh, you read up on Bridge. You better forget about playing poker and stick to playing the flute that your mother wants you to keep play." Harry tried not to laugh.

"Oh, I've just about given up the flute. My lip's not as strong as it used to be." Draco made some kissing sounds. "I don't want to damage my lips. I have a lot of years that I need to use them for."

"Well, I'm not sure. I mean there is a huge difference between Bridge and Poker. I wouldn't want to clean you out of your allowance."

"Yeah, Draco, a big difference between the two." Blaise added. "You remember what your father said about spending your allowance. He said he wasn't going to give you extra money." Lucius really hadn't but they knew that information would confirm to Dumbledore there was an illegal poker game happening.

"Oh, please let me play. Why? Mind Healer Miller says that I should mingle with you fellas. He says that my association with Pansy's beauty club has been bad for me. They made me an honorary woman, you know." Draco had to cover his mouth as Pansy fluttered her eyelids.

"We did. He fits right in. He has given us some great tips on the right fitting clothes for our figures. He also has some great hair treatments that have worked wonders on Millie's hair." Pansy gave Draco a pat on the back.

"They did. My hair is so soft and it's not frizzy any longer." Millie gave a girlish giggle. "I know Vincent likes the change."

"Yes, I found some really great clothes for my frame." Daphne added.

"I know, I know. You told me about it when you were showing off your new skirt." Harry saw Theo shake his head. The duo was still listening.

"The Mind Healer says if I'm not careful, I'll develop a split personality." Draco was trying hard to keep a straight face. He was so glad his back was to the door.

Greg gasped. "Oh dear sweet Merlin, Harry, we have to let him play, we can't split his personality!"

"We can't have that. He barely has a personality as it is. We have four hours to the game starts. Now, let me explain the difference between poker and bridge. You see, there are fifty" Harry was about to continue when the warning bell sounded, Theo smirked as the duo took off. "Ok, everyone let get it set up."

Soon the room was filled with boxes, trunks, broken items they got from the Come and Go Room. They knew the duo would inform Dumbledore. Dumbledore would come looking for the game since gambling like a poker game was against the rules after Granger had complained to the Headmaster about the flaw in Hogwarts: A History during their first year.


It was almost seven and Dumbledore dragged Severus, Minerva, and Filius down to the room that the two Weasleys told him about. He didn't want to take a chance that if he did it by himself having anyone claim he was lying. Dumbledore knew if he tried to say he was going on information provided by the two youngest Weasleys no one would believe him. He told the staff that the house-elves had asked him if they could provide snacks for the poker game that was going to happen on the second floor, west side classroom.

"Albus, I told you there is no poker game." Severus knew the boys played poker in their dorm room. Harry was a card shark and the boys refused to play for money with Harry.

Dumbledore had been trying to get Harry into detention with the Doggie duo since they arrived at Hogwarts. Dumbledore firmly believed that once Harry had a bond with the Doggie Duo everything would miraculously work out. Harry would be the perfect Gryffindor, Sirius would be a Black again, Lupin and Black would be able to be professors as Augustus would return to the DoM. Harry would request to live with his godfather and rainbows would follow Dumbledore around. Fine, the rainbow part was Severus' idea.

"I should hope not." Minerva was getting tired of the games Dumbledore was playing. "It's bad enough having Sirius here playing those awful pranks." Minerva was the one who pointed out that the pranks were similar to the ones that occurred during the Marauders time period.

Severus wasn't sure how Harry had been able to talk some of his snakes into agreeing to allow the Marauders' pranks be used on them but every time one of the pranks happened Minerva would glare at the Mutt, Lupin, and Dumbledore. The Mutt would laugh at the prank and he would start a remember when with Lupin.

They arrived at the room. The hall was empty, even the ghosts were in the hall. "It's awfully quiet for a poker game." Filius waved his wand. "No charms are up."

"I agree. I am finding no spells have been cast in the last hour or so." Minerva put her wand away. Dumbledore opened the door and a pile of trash fell on top of him. "I think you have the wrong room."

"Let's get him out from under there." Severus sighed. He knew this year was going to be very long school year and so far it was turning out that way. It was still September and it felt like it should be May. Lupin had been trying to control the Mutt but the Mutt was acting like he was back in Hogwarts during their teens. The Mutt kept calling him Snivellus and encouraged the Weasley Twins as well the as their younger siblings. Thankfully the Weasley Twins weren't out to embarrass anyone.

Dumbledore went down the entire hall opening the doors to the empty rooms and they to unbury him from the piles of trash in each room. "Well, this shows we need to clean out Hogwarts." Minerva commented as they were finally finished looking into the last room with its trash covering Dumbledore.

They stuff the trash back into the rooms. "I am sure we can assign a room as detention to a few people with Sirius and Remus as supervisors." Severus knew as soon as Dumbledore said those words exactly who Dumbledore had in mind for the detentions.


It was now mid-October and Harry was storming his way away from the Transfiguration classroom. McGonagall had been busy today and Lupin and Sirius had taken her class. Sirius was using the name Black but Harry couldn't do anything about it without revealing he was Lord Black. He was going to write to Lucius to see what could be done. Lupin and Sirius would also try and corner Harry in the halls or library, usually with Weasley and Weaslette trying to get close enough to talk to Harry. The duo seemed determined to work on their godfather relationship with Harry no matter how many times Harry turned them down. Sirius kept insisting that he had a lovely new home for Harry to come and live with him.

Any class that Harry shared with Weasley resulted in Harry being asked to remain behind if Lupin or Sirius were teaching the class that day. Weasley had remained behind a few times on his own to speak to Harry but the restraining order prevented him from getting close to Harry. Sirius and Lupin would ask Harry to remove the restraining order on the two Weasleys.

Their newest idea had Lupin and Sirius trying to get Harry to join their new Defense club. They started last week in asking Harry to join the club. Each time they saw Harry they would try and talk to him into joining. Dumbledore hadn't announced the club, and so far it seemed to be invitation only. Harry was the only Slytherin invited. The invitations went to those that Dumbledore believed would follow him.

"Harry?" Draco had waited behind after Lupin again asked Harry to stay behind after class. "You know they are going to keep doing it."

Harry stopped and smirked. "I have an idea. They keep insisting that we can't be true friends, how about we do something about it."

Draco grinned. "Burns and Allen?"

"Yes, I think it's time."

"I agree, I say we think of it as an early Samhain present." Draco saw Harry's mood was lifted by the idea.


Draco and Harry were sitting at the Slytherin table across from each other, instead of next to each other like they normally did. They weren't speaking to each other. They hadn't spoken to each other all day. They had done it at lunch and noticed that Dumbledore, Lupin, and Sirius seemed interested in what was happening. Now it was time to move it forward.

"Draco, would you like some sugar for your tea?"

"Blaise, tell Harry that I don't want any."

"Harry, Draco said to tell you he doesn't want any." Blaise and a few select Slytherin had passed on a tale of Harry and fighting to some Ravenclaw and Hufflepuffs, who they knew would share it with the Gryffindors.

"Well, tell him he's not going to get any." Harry was annoyed at Draco.

Blaise gave a dramatic sigh. "Draco, Harry said to tell you that you're not going to get any."

"Well tell him thanks." Draco didn't look at Harry.

"Harry, Draco said to tell you thanks."

"Oh, tell him welcome." Harry was facing the Gryffindor table and could see the Weasley duo was very interested in what was going on.

"Draco, Harry said to tell you're welcome." Blaise shrugged his shoulders at Theo.

"Here comes Pansy." Draco looked at his girlfriend. She looked a bit upset.

"Something really needs to be done."

"What's the matter, Pans?" Draco moved a bit down the table to make room for Pansy to sit down.

"Someone's duck is outside and it just bit me on the ankle."

"Now don't be silly. A duck has no teeth and there aren't any ducks at Hogwarts." Greg commented from across from Pansy.

"Well, I don't want to be gummed to death by a duck that doesn't really exist." Pansy looked at her ankle.

"Hello, Pansy. I didn't know we had fake ducks at Hogwarts. I always wanted a real pet duck. Maybe I can call it Henrietta." Harry wondered how long it would take Sirius or Lupin to get him a pet duck. They had a betting pool going on when one would arrive.

"Say, what's going on? Are you playing that pass a message game we read about in Muggle Studies? Telegraph or telephone?" Vincent looked up from his meal. "It sounded interesting."

"No, Vincent. Harry and I are acting like idiots. Blaise, tell Harry I'd like to make up."

"Hey, wait a minute. I want to get in this game, too. Blaise would you tell it to me and I could tell it to Harry?" Greg looked at Blaise. "It sounds like fun."

"We aren't..."

"Oh, let him play, Draco!" Blaise gave him a sad face.


"Vincent, Draco told me to tell you to tell Harry that he'd like to make up."

"Harry, Draco told Blaise to tell me to tell you that he'd like to make up."

"Would you mind repeating that question?" Harry winked at Draco.

"You heard him! You heard him! I told Blaise to tell Vincent to tell you that I would like to make up!"

"Well, as long as we don't have to kiss each other." Harry laughed.


Harry looked at the box with holes in the top of it. He had arrived at his dorm room after Charms to put his books away before lunch. Harry carried the box out to the common room. "Draco, Blaise, Theo, you guys aren't going to believe this."

Everyone gathered around the box. "Who had before lunch today?" Pansy asked.

Draco pulled out the betting book. "Check first to make sure it's a duck."

Harry opened the box. He started laughing. "It's not just a duck." He stepped back as everyone looked in and saw four baby ducks. The four babies were quacking; their yellow fuzzy bodies were filthy. "I will see if one of the house-elves can get us a tub for them to swim and clean themselves until Uncle Lucius can come and get them later."

"I don't think anyone had four ducks." Vincent looked into the box.

"It's a good thing my aunt and uncle build a duck house and pond." Harry searched the box. "I don't see a card. Did anyone see one?"

"I didn't. However, Marcus got the time right." Draco announced to the seventh year. "The ten galleons to Marcus."

"Let's name them." Pansy rubbed a finger down one of the babies heads. "We have to name two of them after Burns and Allen because it was their skit we used to get the ducks."

"I wonder what else we can get from those two idiots." Blaise knew Harry was going to have fun with them.

"Halloween is coming up." Harry wiggled his eyebrows. "I'm sure we can come up with an epic prank in celebration."


Harry knocked on Severus' office door. He entered when Severus granted him access. "Severus, does Dumbledore have a policy on clowns or a circus?"

"No, I don't think anyone has ever had a reason to create a policy like that."

"Thanks." Harry disappeared before Severus could ask any questions.



All the students were crowded around the Great Hall doors. Everyone was buzzing, wondering what this year's prank would entail. They heard a huge gong and the doors slowly opened. The Great Hall was transformed into an arena. Clowns acting like ushers started guiding the students to the seats around the area. Hanging down the farthest wall was a banner that read Cirque du Soleil –KÀ.

As the students were sitting down a voice started speaking. "KA: The glory of battle, the rush of victory. Gravity defied, enemies confronted, noble combat becomes acrobatic. War has never been fought this way. A colossal, moving stage is the battlefield. Up is down, the land becomes sky. These dimension-bending confrontations redefine what it means to fight. Bodies full of strength, glowing with light and heat. Minds as bright and clear as the vast heavens, the great ocean, and the highest peak. Determination is the path, victory the reward.*

Soon the room darkened and the show began. Students were awed as the show worked its magic. The normal Halloween Feast was long forgotten as the stars of the show glided, swung, and flew through the air. Harry leaned back in his seat. He knew his Uncle Yuri's family was talented but he had never seen them perform before.

*That is a direct quote from the Cirque du Soleil's website.

Chapter Text

Harry was listening to Pansy talking to her boyfriend, Theo. He had been trying to think of what to do to the two Weasleys and the doggie duo. He didn't want to do another script as while the four Gryffindors were idiots, Dumbledore wasn't. Dumbledore was looking for ways to bring Harry into his office. Harry didn't want to give the man a reason.

"You have been thinking too hard." Draco sat down next to him on the couch.

Harry looked around the room. Everyone was either working on their assignments or helping someone else. Yes, they were discussing other things but like him, they were doing school work. "Thinking about what to do for Yule."

"The Weasleys are staying as well as the doggie duo. I heard them talking in the library. Sirius was upset that Father wrote to him. He got the demand letter to cease using the name Black. They were in there researching a way that he could still use the name. The Weasleys were whining about if Granger was here they could have found the solution."

"I know your father would have covered all the bases. Draco. I think I have a new idea." Harry got up and went to where their dorm mates and girlfriends were sitting. Draco joined them.

"We have to do something to help Marcus." Blaise related that they learned about one of the first years.

Pansy turned to him. "Harry, do you think we can do something?"

"Actually, as you were speaking an idea formed. We will need the Patil twins aid." Harry grinned. "One that will deal with Dumbledore."

Pansy and the rest of the Slytherin common room knew the twins would help.


Severus took the note from the house elf. He opened it and read it. The students were taking a quiz and he had been grading essays. "Potter remain behind after class."

Harry looked up from his quiz. "Yes, Sir."

Harry felt Draco nudge his arm. They knew what it was about. Pansy and the twins had been speaking in the library yesterday. They weren't surprised in the note to Severus today. Harry did wonder if Pansy and the Patil twins received one. They were in Transfiguration.


Harry and Severus entered Dumbledore's office and discovered Pansy, the Patil twins, the Weasley duo, and doggie duo. Pansy and the twins were on one side of the room while the four Gryffindors were in the far corner talking. Dumbledore was at his desk.

"Come in, take a seat. As you can see I have set up the area so that Ron and Ginny won't be breaking the restraining order." Dumbledore pointed to the line drawn on the floor. "They can't step over the line."

The two Furbies floated into the air. "They here, they here now. You promised us candy. We want candy." They were bouncing like they were already on a candy high.

Dumbledore held up two lemon drops. He had to stop offering his precious drops to people as the two Furbies would start screaming if he did. They would also tell everyone that the drops were altered.

"We want candy. Mine stuffs his face so fast, I never get any." Ron's Elmo started bouncing around. "He still eats with his mouth opened. No manners."

"Mine is too worried about her non-existent figure to eat candy. Personally, she's a carpenter's dream. Flat as a board and easy to-." The Elmo gave Ginny a disdainful look as it was speaking.

Sirius covered Elmo's mouth until he started screaming. "It bit me." He started shaking his hand as the Elmos started snapping their jaws at him.

"You aren't bleeding." Lupin sighed. "We have something more important to discuss." Lupin pulled Sirius back to his seat. "Behave." He warned Sirius.

"Yes, we do. Harry, Severus, please take a seat. I'm sure you are wondering why you are here." Dumbledore folded his hands on his desk. He peered over his eyeglasses at Harry.

"Yes." Harry sat down next to Pansy as Severus went to his usual spot along the wall. Harry knew Severus was keeping an eye on Sirius. He wasn't worried about the mutt but loved the idea of Severus protecting his back.

"It has been brought to my attention that you have a situation at home. I know I mentioned it before that we would aid you in anything you needed." Dumbledore wore a concerned look.

"I have no idea what you are speaking about." Harry hadn't expected that Dumbledore would bring the doggie or idiot duo into this meeting. Dumbledore had been working on getting rid of the Furbies and Elmos. Dumbledore had been very well behaved when it came to Harry. Harry figured the man was afraid of what his aunt would do to him.

"Told you." The two Elmos spoke together. "Told you so. We told you." Manically laughter from the Furbies as the two Elmos kept chanting told you so over and over. Dumbledore tossed some lemon drops onto the floor and the four toys started eating them. Everyone selected to ignore the bickering the toys were doing.

"Ron and Ginny heard Pansy, Padma, and Parvati discussing the situation in the library." Dumbledore had the paperwork all set. He just needed Harry's signature and Harry would be living with Sirius. Dumbledore would be able to control the boy. He almost did his happy dance and would have if his hips could handle it. Getting old wasn't fun.

"I'm sorry sir, but we have no idea what you mean. We were discussing Marcus Willowby. He's a first-year in Ravenclaw." Pansy looked at Idiot Duo. "If you are going to eavesdrop on people conversations, you should at least get the facts accurate."

"We heard you mention Harry." Ginny defended herself.

"We did use Harry's name when we were comparing how wonderful his muggle family is compared to Marcus's. They are very religious and don't like the fact their son is a wizard. They tried to get their church to exercise him." Parvati stated.

"She means they wanted an exorcism." Padma covered the giggle she almost let out as she watched Dumbledore's face.

"Yes, we were discussing Marcus' relatives. We mentioned Harry a lot because his family is really wonderful. His aunt and uncle have been so great. They even had everyone over for a barbeque this past summer. They certainly aren't like any muggles we have heard about growing up." Pansy knew that was the view that Dumbledore liked. That the purebloods didn't know anything about muggles and wanted them all dead. It was all she could do to say we aren't the idiots you think we are.

"We did. We had it at the lake house. Everyone went out on the boat and went swimming in the lake. We had everyone over for the weekend. All of us camped out in the backyard. I'm slightly confused why I'm up here instead of Marcus. He is the one who needs your aid, Headmaster. Are you going to extend your aid to him?"

Severus realized that Harry, Pansy, and the Patil twins set his all up. He was impressed. Dumbledore had refused to assist any student with their families. Dumbledore would spout off about love and it was always a bit of a misunderstanding. Severus wasn't sure if Dumbledore believed that no one could abuse another or not. Dumbledore relied on love being the answer to everything.

"I'm sure Marcus' family loves him and it's a slight misunderstanding."

"I see. You offer to assist is only open to those who you care about or perhaps will have political power one day. Pansy, perhaps we need to speak to Lord Malfoy about the situation. I'm sure he knows how we can aid Marcus."

Severus wanted to applaud. Harry backed Dumbledore into a corner. If Dumbledore didn't help, Severus knew Lucius would and would make sure that the press found out that Dumbledore hadn't aided a student. Lucius would promote the idea of aiding the muggleborn and how the pure-bloods were making sure they were taking care of the younger wizards and witches that entered their world. Dumbledore would take a hit in the press for not aiding someone who was abused.

"Harry, we care about you." Sirius was sitting on the edge of his seat. "It's why we are here."

Harry looked directly at Sirius. "You don't know me. My family is amazing. It's Marcus that needs help. So, Headmaster, are you going to help?"

Dumbledore knew he lost, again. "I will speak to Marcus about the situation."

"I'll write to Lord Malfoy." Pansy told Harry. "I'm sure he knows a few families that are willing to take in a child. My father has a cousin that works in the Child Services Department. I'm sure between the two of them, they can find a home." The four planners started discussing who to write too.

"I'm sure that isn't necessary." Dumbledore tried to interrupt.

"I know my second cousin, Maria wants another child." Harry suggested. "I'll write to my aunt."

"Wonderful, we solved the problem. We won't have to bother the Headmaster any longer with the issue." Padma smiled. "Now that it has been resolved, may we go?"

Dumbledore felt out of his depth for the first time in his life when it came to dealing with children. He knew this was going to make the paper and there was nothing he could do about it. Severus would break any memory charm he tried. Severus would also duel him before he could cast a memory charm on all of them which would allow the students to escape and get the Aurors. "Yes, thank you for your time."

Chapter Text

Harry and Draco were sitting in the Great Hall. Yesterday, Marcus had informed them that he was going to be staying with the Bones family until they could find a permanent home for him. He thanked all of them by giving them all a small bag of Honeydukes Chocolates. Harry looked at Draco. "Draco, what day is it today?"

Draco frowned a bit. Harry knew what day it was. He hid his smirked as he realized Weasley and Weaselette were sitting close enough to hear them but not break the restraining order. "Well, Har, I don’t know."

"You can find out if you look at that newspaper by your elbow."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Oh, Har, that doesn’t help. It’s yesterday’s newspaper."*

"It's Monday." Weaslette yelled at them, causing everyone to look at her. She turned a bit red realizing that she was being stared at.

"My work is done." Harry quietly whispered to Draco. Draco covered his own smile.


Harry had all the younger years gathered around him in the library. They were sitting on the floor. Mrs. Pince had asked for some help with the younger students from Hogsmeade. The professor was sick and the students were sent to Hogwarts until the Yule break next week. Harry, Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and Theo had started a story for them.

Harry smiled. "Here is a Christmas Story. Everyone have their listening ears on?"

"Yes." All the children responded.

"Once upon a time on a beautiful Christmas morning, Scrooge and Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim went for a walk in the woods while their breakfast was cooling. While they were gone a dear little girl came and knocked on the door. And naturally, nobody answered so she went inside to see who it was."

"Harry, that's not the way I heard it." Draco looked at the kids. "I think he's off, what about you?"

"Yeah." The children responded.

"Who told it to you?" Harry asked Draco.

"My mother." Draco winked at the kids.

"Oh, well this is by Dickens." Harry winked at the kids, who laughed.

"But this is another story…." Draco stopped when Harry elbowed him.

"So this little girl saw that her breakfast was cooling so she decided to taste it. She tried the first bowl and it was too hot and she tried the second bowl and it was too cold and she tried the third bowl and it was just right and she ate it all up."

Draco waved his hand. All the kids responded. "That was Goldilocks."

"No. It was porridge." Harry winked again. "Well, anyway, this poor little girl had two rich step-sisters. And along came Prince Charming with a glass slipper. She tried it on the first stepsister and it was too hot and she tried it on the second stepsister and it was too cold and he tried it on the poor little girl and it just fit. She married him and guess who got all the money."

"Walt Disney." Draco responded which caused the kids to laugh.

"You’re confusing the children."* Harry smiled. He held up the real storybook and started reading.


Since it was class time, Weasley was sitting behind Harry. Draco and Theo were sitting on each side of Harry. Pansy and the rest of the Slytherins were trying to ignore a Gryffindor sitting with Slytherins. Weasley wasn't making it easy as he kept mumbling about snakes.

"Potter, an example of community property." Professor McKinley was giving his last lecture for the term. He had been having the students give examples of the different terms they had to learn over the term.

Harry stood up. "Yes, sir." Harry faced Weasley. "Community property is a law that says half of everything you’ve got is mine and half of everything I’ve got is yours."


"I’ll show you how it works. In my hand, I’ve got twelve knuts in change. Half of everything I’ve got is yours. Here are six knuts. Half of everything you’ve got is mine. How much have you got there?

"Six knuts."

"Okay, give me three knuts." Weasley handed over three knuts. "There, see how it works?"

"That isn't right." Weasley looked down at his hand. "Let's try this again. This time I’ll start with the twelve knuts. Now, half of everything I’ve got is yours. Here are six knuts. How did that second part go again?"

Harry arched a brow. "Half of everything you’ve got is mine. How much have you got?"

"Six knuts."

"Fine. Give me three knuts."

Weasley looked confused. "I see how it works."* Weasley sat down.

Harry turned and faced the professor. "Taxes."

"Two lessons in one." Professor McKinley moved on.


Draco was laughing in the common room as everyone who was in the law class explained what happened with Weasley. Most of the Slytherins found the class informative because it covered the laws that were used in both worlds as well as some of the ancient terms used in their older laws.

"Harry, it's almost time for Yule. What is your plan?" Pansy sat down next to Harry on the couch.

Harry didn't get to answer as Severus entered the room. "Harry, we are wanted in the Headmaster's office."

"Great." Harry wasn't sure what was going on but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like it. Lupin and the Mutt had been trying to get him to visit with them over the holiday. They still kept him after any class they taught. Thankfully, it wasn't that many classes as most of the Professor rarely missed their classes. "Any clue?"

"No, but I believe it has to do with the Mutt." Severus and Harry didn't speak after they left the dungeon area. Severus didn't even remove points as they walked. Harry and Severus weren't surprised to find the Mutt sitting with Dumbledore when they arrived. Harry sat down as Dumbledore held out a candy dish.

"Lemon drop?"

"No, thank you, sir." Harry had made sure to sit away from the Mutt. Severus was leaning against the bookcase.

"Harry, we have a bit of request for you. It appears that Lord Malfoy has acted on behalf of his son and has removed Sirius from the family."

Harry didn't respond.

"Lousy Death Eater and his wannabe son."

Sirius mumbled but Harry heard him. Harry knew that Severus did too. The man had ears like a hawk.

"We are hoping you might be able to use your relationship with Draco to guide him down the correct path and bring Sirius back into the Black family."

"You want me to get Draco to bring him back into the Black family, sir?" Harry had jerked his thumb at the Mutt as he asked. He really wasn't impressed by the Doggy Duo.

"I was a Black. He removed me for no reason." Sirius jumped out of his seat, sending the chair crashing to the ground. "Lousy little-"

"Sirius. Sit down." Dumbledore ordered. Sirius obeyed. "Now, as I was saying. If Draco allows Sirius back into the family, it will enable Sirius to have access to the Black family magic. Since you haven't been raised in our world, family magic is very important to a wizard."

Harry refrained from commenting that whose fault was that. "I see. Why do you believe I will be able to convince an underage wizard that he needs to add him back into the family? Isn't Draco's mother a Black? Do you really believe I am going to be a stronger influence over Draco's parents?" Harry wanted to laugh. There was no way the Mutt was getting back into the family. Harry removed him for a reason.

"He's right, Albus. Narcissa's a -." The Mutt looked at Harry "Nasty piece of work."

Harry slammed down his anger. He loved Narcissa. As far as Harry was concerned the Mutt just sealed his fate. Harry would never welcome him back into the family. He also had a feeling it was really about money. Severus had explained how no one in the Order really had money, except for his father and the Mutt.

"Sirius has a bit of personal history with his family, Harry. Nothing to concern yourself with. I'm sure once you get to know Sirius better, you will discover how much of a good man he is. I'm sure if you and Sirius spent some time with each other, you will realize that. However, the important issue is to get Sirius back in touch with his family magic." Dumbledore smiled. "You would be surprised at the power of peer has over his friends. Draco will listen to you."

"I'll try, sir." Harry stood up. "Is that all, Headmaster?"

"Yes. I'm sure you have to finish packing for your trip home. Your relatives must be excited to see you." Dumbledore didn't even want to try to keep Harry after Petunia's idea of a muggle howler.

Severus and Harry left the Headmaster's office. Harry went directly to the Slytherin training room and started destroying dummies. Severus didn't comment as Harry vented his rage. He understood it and knew that Harry would make Sirius and Dumbledore pay for their latest transgression.

After Harry finally stopped, Severus moved fully into the room. "Duel?"

"Yes, I would love one." Harry got into position.

They spent the next hour dueling. They were sweating and breathing hard. They each had various cuts and abrasions. Severus started to chain three and four spells at a time to see if he could beat Harry. Harry grinned as he dodged. Severus forgot who Harry was related too. His rather large family had always made sure Dudley and Harry would be able to take care of themselves. Harry dived as Severus sent a chain of spells after him. As Harry did, he began to loosen his belt. Harry whipped the belt out of the belt loops and using it like a whip he aimed it at Severus' legs. When the end of the belt wrapped around Severus' legs, Harry pulled, causing Severus to fall. Harry pinned Severus to the floor. "I do believe I won."

"I do not believe I have ever seen anyone use a belt like that."

"Uncle Humphrey." Harry got up off of Severus. "Shower."

Severus rose. "I do agree." Severus looked at Harry. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, now. I really want to kill the Mutt." Harry sat back down on the floor. "You know, I really don't understand what it will take for them to realize I want nothing to do with them."

Severus joined him on the floor. "I believe they are hoping that if they keep after you that you will cave in and spend time with them. Dumbledore doesn't like to give up so easily. He gets a plan of action and doesn't divert from it. He expects you to be James, so does the Doggy Duo."

"The Mutt has called me James a few times. I really think he sees James and not me. Lupin isn't much better. He doesn't call me James but he seems to believe I will be like him. He does mention my mother but only in regards to my school work."

"I heard them talking in the staff room. Lupin stopped correcting the Mutt when he calls you James. Minerva and a few others weren't impressed. I believe that is why no one has been requesting their assistance. Minerva had to fill out their evaluation. I'm not sure they will be back after the holiday."

"No great loss." Harry inhaled deeply. "They keep trying to teach us stuff we learned in the previous years. No one bothers to correct them because the two don't listen when someone tells them we learned in earlier."

"I wonder what that is about?" Severus was a bit confused. The lesson plans had been submitted to Dumbledore. They should have known what was to be taught. "Are they still trying to get you to join their club?"

"Yes, but no other Slytherins. I mentioned asking Draco, Theo, Blaise, and Pansy joining us and I got a lot of excuses on why I shouldn't mention it."

"I see. Well, they don't know about the one I lead." Severus looked at the time. "We need to go. Dinner will be served in an hour." Severus stood up. Harry joined him.

Chapter Text

Severus was finally able to break away from Hogwarts for the Yule holiday. It meant that he had to stomach Lupin and the Mutt for longer than he wanted since Dumbledore wanted Severus to ease Harry into talking to Draco about the Mutt returning to the Black family. The Mutt wasn't doing himself any favors by claiming he was going to go to the Ministry and demand custody of Harry. Severus knew who put that bee into the Mutt's bonnet.

Severus wasn't surprised to find the family and friends of Petunia and Vernon's already at Malfoy Manor as well as the Malfoy and Black members. What he was surprised to discover was no one was around. He had seen the cars that the muggle drove so he knew they were somewhere in the house. A house-elf pointed him in the direction of the dueling room.

Severus watched as Harry and Dudley were fighting with long thick sticks. He had seen Harry practicing what Harry called kata. Severus believed it was just a system of exercise. He wished he had asked more questions. He noticed he wasn't the only one watching memorized. He had never seen such flow, such grace, yet deadly intent. He watched each step, studied each move as he watched the dance between the two boys.

"They have been training since they were two."

Severus recognized Petunia's voice. "This is amazing. What are they doing?" Severus wondered how the magical world missed something so incredible as this form of defense.

"Kobudo. Vernon thought it would be a great way to keep the boys fit while teaching them discipline. They can use the bō equally well. Harry prefers the hanbō, tunfa, and sai while Dudley prefers nunchaku, sansetsukun, and daggers. Their uncles taught them to use other things like their belts as weapons."

"I have experienced the belt trick. It wasn't what I expected." Severus had spent time teaching Harry how to use spells on the objects around them as a defense.

Petunia laughed. "No, but the family wanted to make sure all the kids could protect themselves. You missed the girls doing their sword training earlier."

Severus turned his head and looked at Petunia. "I would have loved to seen them."

"Since everyone will be here for Yule, you should. Everyone usually practices daily. Harry, I know does his early in the morning at Hogwarts. Draco already asked if he could join him in the morning. I do believe Lucius will be paying for lessons this summer."

"Who teaches Harry and Dudley?" Severus was trying to figure out how he could start to take lessons. He was also going to see if perhaps, they might be able to teach a group of magical children.

"Their uncle Ian. He is the one who is refereeing. He is also looking for a job. He is a wizard." Petunia smiled as she walked away. She knew Ian would be with Harry at Hogwarts when the Yule holiday season was over.

Severus just found his new assistant. If Lupin could use the Mutt, he was going to use Ian. He needed someone to teach his snakes how to fight like this. Dumbledore was pushing the idea of the Dark Lord returning far to much for his comfort. He spotted Lucius and Augustus and made a mental note to speak to them about it. Harry and Dudley were sweating but neither was backing down.

"Come on Har, let me have it."

"Sorry, Dud, it isn't happening." Harry smirked as he drove Dudley back. Harry kept on the offensive and drove Dudley until he couldn't go back any longer. The watchers moved as Harry and Dudley battled. Dudley tried to defend but he couldn't keep up with his faster-moving cousin. Dudley finally surrounded.

"Tomorrow, we are doing nunchaku." Dudley warned as he took a large glass of water from his father.

Harry smiled. "Bring it on." Harry wiggled his eyebrows. "I so need a shower."

"Me, too." Dudley laughed.


Ian looked down at the contracts that Lucius had written up. It was exactly what they wanted. Of course, there was one version that would go to Dumbledore and one that would be the true contract. The true contact referenced the Dumbledore version contract to make sure they were protected. Ian was actually looking forward to seeing Hogwarts while teaching the Slytherins Kobudo. He had already had a few sign-up for lessons during the holidays. He was planning on opening his own dojo in England. He liked the idea of opening a magical one.

The best part about it was that he didn't have to hide who he was. Dumbledore wouldn't know his name. He was homeschooled and his family was neutral. Ian McCloud was heading to Hogwarts. He signed his name. "Assistant Professor McCloud."

"I already have it approved by the board." Lucius was flipping through the contracts to make sure everything was signed, initialed, and dated in the right spots. He didn't want to give Dumbledore a way to get the contract voided.

"I will take you to Hogwarts the day before we are due back to introduce you to Dumbledore. It will make him feel important if he gets to meet you before the rest." Severus didn't want Dumbledore to doubt him either.

"Harry already warned me about the man's ego." Ian was thankful he never went to Hogwarts regarding his education but he still wanted to see the historical castle. He wasn't concerned about his NEWT or OWL scores since he had his NEWT in Potions.

Severus had a feeling Ian was going to be recruited for some pranks.


Harry groaned as Lupin was using him to demonstrate the latest lesson. This was the first DADA class since they returned from the Yule holiday. Harry wasn't sure why Lupin was still teaching. Lucius had been working on the issue but because of Dumbledore's delays combined with the Yule holiday, Severus and Lucius felt it would be too late in the year by the time it was actually decided to remove Lupin and get a replacement in. They might be able to get rid of Sirius.

"I am going to have you demonstrate how to bandage a wound. The spell is one you should have read over your holiday." Lupin pointed to Sirius. "He is the victim."

Harry thought of a few different spells he wanted to use. The man did say bandage. Harry pulled out his wand as Sirius laid down and started moaning like he was in pain. "Saqqara tiet ushebti."

Sirius was now mummified. "I think I overdid the bandages." He gave Lupin his innocent eyes.

"Yes, well, the spell I was referencing was Ferula. It is for wounds on just one part of the body." Lupin looked at Sirius. "Extra credit if you know the counter."

"Dromos wabet khufu nemes akh." Harry watched as Sirius returned back to his annoying self.

"Excellent. Break off into groups and work on using the spell Ferula."

Harry started working with Draco. "No, Harry, come and work with me." Sirius glared at Draco. "I'm sure you can find someone to bind you up." Harry and Draco exchanged a look. Draco hid his grin as he headed over to group up with Blaise and Theo. "Once I get custody of you, I'm going to get you resorted into the right house."

Harry arched a brow. The man wasn't even his godfather. There was no way he was living with him. "No."

"You won't have an option." Sirius looked at Harry. "I won't have any godson of mine being a snake." Harry kept his mouth shut. "What your parents would say about this. All of it. The whole Weasley mess, not listening to Dumbledore, being in Slytherin, and associating with Snivellius and the Malfoy family." Sirius ignored Lupin calling his name. "Your father must be rolling over in his grave. I imagine your mother would be just as distressed as I am."

"I am sure they are happy that I lived." Harry snapped.

"You are throwing their sacrifice away. Throwing back in their face." Sirius was getting louder and louder as he spoke. All the students were watching, including Weasley who was smirking telling everyone that Sirius was going to fix Harry.

Harry's face reflected his anger. "Saqqara tiet ushebti." He barely spoke and if anyone was close enough they would have heard the slight hissing. "I'm not your godson. I don't want anything to do with you." Harry turned and walked out of the room. Harry was almost to the dungeon when Draco caught up to him. Neither spoke as they headed to Severus' quarters.


"You can't remove the spell?" Severus looked at Dumbledore and Lupin who were standing at the end of the infirmary bed that Poppy put the Mutt in.

"No." Dumbledore was looking at the mummified form of Sirius.

Ian and Severus looked at the Mutt. "What do you want me to do?" Severus had already reviewed the memory from Draco and Harry. He was actually impressed that Harry didn't kill the Mutt. He certainly would have.

"Well, for starters, Harry is going to be suspended for a week after he removes the spell." Dumbledore wasn't happy.

"No, he won't. The Mutt started the problem. I will make sure to appeal it."

"He can't just mummify a professor." Dumbledore wasn't about to let the boy get away with it. This was his way in. He wanted to claim the boy was out of control and get him removed from the muggles.

Severus had already written to Lucius. Lucius was expected to arrive at any moment since Severus had a feeling Dumbledore was going to attempt to make a move regarding Harry. Dumbledore and Lupin must have spent the day trying to fix the Mutt before summoning Severus. What Dumbledore expected him to do, he wasn't sure. "What do you think I can do to resolve this situation?"

"You need to force him to change Sirius back." Lupin waved his hand at Sirius. "I used the same counter he did during class. He must have used some accidental magic to enforce it."

"Albus, do you have any idea what the Mutt said to Harry?" Severus looked at Lupin. "How about you?"

Lupin looked a bit guilty for several seconds. "I only heard part of it."

"Excellent. I want to see the memory of the event." Lucius announced behind the group. "I had a very interesting letter from my son and a request from Harry to provide him and his relatives with the correct forms to remove him from Hogwarts." Severus, Ian, and Lucius were going to remember the look on Dumbledore's face when Lucius mentioned removing Harry forever. "Shall we?"


Lupin and Dumbledore were kicked out of the memory. They looked a bit pale. Lucius looked a bit smug. "I do believe that eliminates the suspension of Harry."

"Yes, yes, we will work on breaking the spell. I might need to call the DoM. I'm sure they can have someone break the spell." Dumbledore didn't want the incident to reach anyone in the Ministry or the board. He had already been warned about any problems Sirius might cause.

"When the spell is broken, he is to be escorted out of Hogwarts." Lucius had been working on getting rid of the Mutt but hadn't been having any luck to due to Dumbledore delaying tactics and the holiday season.

"Yes, I understand." Dumbledore didn't need this incident getting out.

"Excellent. Now, regarding Harry's withdrawal, I will provide the paperwork to his relatives. I'm sure they will be able to pick him up by the end of the week." Lucius stood up.

Severus and Ian rose as Lucius headed out the door. Once Lucius was out of sight, Severus reassured Dumbledore that he would work on getting Harry to remain.

Chapter Text

Severus was waiting for Augustus at the entrance to Hogwarts. "Severus."

"Augustus." Severus smiled at Augustus. "Did they tell you?"

"I was only informed that I was needed."

"You are going to love this." Severus quickly told Augustus what happened and how the Mutt was now mummified.

"Mummified?" Augustus wasn't sure why he was needed for it. "It's a simple spell to remove. Why am I here?" They were now walking up the stairs and students and the portraits heard what happened as they walked.

"They can't remove the spell." Severus spoke a bit louder when he said that to be sure everyone heard.

"Interesting." Augustus wondered what Harry might have used. He frowned a bit as he tried to think of what spell might have mummified the Mutt.

Severus looked around quickly. "We will discuss something important later."

Augustus didn't speak as they were almost to Infirmary. They weren't surprised to find Dumbledore and Lupin waiting for them. They figured a portrait had to have informed Dumbledore Augustus was here. "Afternoon, everyone. Where is Poppy?"

"She has been dealing with an emergency in Hogsmeade. A problem birth that she was aware of and made arrangements to have all emergencies go to St. Mungos." Dumbledore pointed to the mummy on the bed. "We are hoping you can release the spell from Sirius."

Augustus walked over to the bed. "I see." He looked at Severus before looking at Dumbledore and Lupin. There were a few students in the beds watching. Augustus removed the blanket they had covering most of the Mutt's body. He walked over to Poppy's desk, picked up a pair of scissors. He walked back to the bed and began to cut the bandages off of the Mutt. Once the made a cut down each limb, one down the body, and one around the head, he began to remove them. He arched a brow at the group as he handed the scissors and some of the bandages back to Dumbledore. "I believe you can have him remove the rest of his own bandages."

The Mutt started to get up and speak but someone must have put a Silencio on him since no one could hear him speaking. Dumbledore cast Finite and when that didn't work, he tried Finite Incantatem. Nothing. Augustus ignored the waving arms of the Mutt as he faced Dumbledore. "It's going to have to wear off. I would say tomorrow he should be back to normal."

"He will need to spend the night. I will see if Harry might have cast something else." Dumbledore looked at the scissors. "I appreciate your timely arrival and assistance."

"You're welcome. I'm always happy to be of assistance." Augustus couldn't wait to inform everyone at the Ministry why he was needed at Hogwarts. "I have some projects I need to finish." Augustus bid them goodbye and headed to Severus' quarters.


"Albus, you viewed the memory. He didn't." Severus looked at the Mutt. "He also can't remain. I won't be able to convince Harry to remain if he is still here or did you forget that aspect?"

Dumbledore looked a bit worried about the situation. "Remus, could you assist Sirius back to his home."

"He doesn't have a home." Remus tried to speak softly but it was very quiet in the infirmary. "I can't take him to my cabin as I rented it out."

Severus realized why Dumbledore wanted the Mutt back in the Black family. The Mutt was broke and didn't have a job. The pay for assistant professors wasn't much but there wasn't a lot of expenses either. "I will see if Molly can help out. I'm sure they can provide a place for Sirius until we can get him settled."

"I will help Sirius pack his belongs. We can meet you in your office." Lupin dragged his other half of the doggie duo out of the Infirmary.

"I better go and speak to Molly. Please inform me regarding the other situation."

"I will. I'm going to check Poppy's potion stores before I leave." Severus headed to the potion cabinet. He had refilled it earlier in the week but he didn't want to listen to Dumbledore. Severus made a quick note to make some healing potions. He looked at the students. Gryffindor must have had a Quidditch practice with Hufflepuff.


Severus wasn't surprised to find Augustus with Harry in his quarters. He was a bit surprised to see a cup of tea waiting for him. Harry had some parchment, quill, and ink on the table in front of him. "Started your list?"

"No, Augustus had a great idea."

Augustus laughed. "I meant it has a joke."

"What was the idea?"

"I suggested that Harry actually leaves with Lucius today when he returns later. You go to Dumbledore and suggest that you take a few days off and see if you can work out an agreement between Harry, the Dursleys, Lucius, and you to get Harry back at Hogwarts."

"Sounds like the start of a plan. What is on the parchment?"

"Harry's revisions. He suggested that you should hint at him checking out other magical schools as well as going to the Ministry and finding one of their recommended tutors."

"As well as getting you informing him that I want the Mutt issued a restraining order to keep away from me. I was going to suggest Lupin but there isn't a legal reason why."

"Actually there might be." Severus smiled. "Lupin has been aware of the issues regarding the Mutt, the restraining order, and other issues. I'm sure if Lucius pushed the Minister hard enough as well as supplied Madam Bones with the supporting problems it could be done."

"True. Fudge is eager for Dumbledore to be pushed out of power and would use whatever means necessary including keeping Sirius from regaining the Black name and fortunes."

"He might link you to the pranks if you are gone for too long." Severus leaned back. "We will have to make the terms something he can accept without making him wary of Harry and the rest of the families. He is looking for any excuse to remove guardianship."

"We also need to make you look good too." Harry wondered what they could do. "We need to think and I believe have Draco and a few others do a mild prank. One we have already lined up."

"We do."


Harry left that night when Lucius returned to pick him up. He stayed long enough to have tea with Severus before Severus headed to the Great Hall for the evening meal. Lucius and Harry spoke quickly with Draco. Draco smirked as he headed into the Great Hall. Blaise and Theo were already in the Great Hall. Once Lucius and Harry were along, Lucius glanced back at the castle. "What prank did you two set up?"

"One that Dumbledore will love. His Furbies are going to get some pets."


"Yes, we were saving it for Easter but we found this little fluffy chicks and decided to turn them into talkative little ones. One for each of the Furbies." Harry smirked. "They are Slytherin green."

"They will have the same learning skills the Furbies have?"

"Yes, that spell you provided is certainly proving to be useful."

"I certainly didn't expect it to be used in those creative enterprises. It was originally used in children's books to teach children how to read."

"It is the reason why Dumbledore always fail to find the solutions. He expects complex magic instead of simple magic designed for things like children's books."

"Yes, the man can be a bit shortsighted when it comes to having his eyes opened."