New Year’s Eve 2014 Twitter Hall of Fame

As you might imagine, last night was big for much-contested evil empire cabhack start-up Uber. Less so for friendly underdog Lyft, but they made a showing as well.


The old bait and switch.

This girl takes “new year new you” very seriously.

A true friend will delete your balls from his Twitter stream, no matter how many faves they got.

I don’t know what kind of friend will let you stay passed out in somebody’s vomit so they can fuck in the bed you’re in.

You know you’re drunk when you’re mom-friend lap-dancing drunk.

Everybody wants to go to Maria’s party.

“Assisted with B&E 4.5 stars”


I am so jealous.

What kind of tip do you give for that?

Besides that…

Back in my day, we just put a dick on a motherfucker’s face.

I am confused about the order of events. Was there one car accident or two?


Were you by chance at Applebees?


And a shout out to you as well, sir.

Always be closing.


McDonald’s secret menu…

Which begs the question, what does one cat do with multiple Pringles?

That’s a new promotion.