Showing posts with label atheist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label atheist. Show all posts

Thursday, September 26, 2013

In Which a Liberal, Atheist, Feminist, Smut-Slinger Moves to the Bible Belt

Cheers, lovelies!

Technically, it's bad form for a blogger to point out her lengthy absence on the blogosphere, but to hell with convention. I've always given a tall and straight one-fingered salute to convention, which is why I even dipped my big toe into the endlessly deep lake that is erotica writing.

My husband was recently hired by an amaze-balls company (which shall heretofore be referred to as ABC--AmazeBallsCompany.) ABC requires a relocation to Texas. Now, under ordinary circumstances, I wouldn't feel that any company that makes us move from a fabulously liberal town to the middle of Texas is amazing, but with careful wooing, they exposed me for the willing slut I really am. ABC is giving us a brand fucking new vehicle, which I'm totally expected to use for personal use. They're even covering the insurance for me! They're providing us with a card for all the gas that goes in it and all the expenses that happen with owning a ridiculously huge SUV. ABC is giving us a honking huge relocation allowance, an iPad, and money to buy stuff like food and shelter. It's pretty fucking amaze-balls. We'd have to be complete ninnies to turn ABC down. Seriously, after tons of discussion and lots of vodka, we've determined this company is Practically Perfect in Every Way.

So, here I am, a liberal, atheist, homeschooling, smut-slinger on the verge of moving to one of the most religious and right-wing areas of the nation. I'm about to move my family to a state that seems to place a woman's value on how high and yellow her hair is. On which Mega Church she goes to. On what position her kid plays on the local high school team.  To say that I'm scared shitless is an understatement of, well, of biblical proportions.

But here's the thing. As much as I don't want to leave the life I've so carefully crafted behind, I do believe that this move is the best possible thing for my family. Aside from all the cool swag they're throwing at us, this is a dream job for my honey that will not only provide us with the financial security we need to be able to continue homeschooling our mini feminist heathen, but also to allow me to spend more time doing what I truly love doing: writing. It's amazing how well financial security greases the wheels of creativity. I've always believed that a starving artist is a successful artist, but the reality is that a full belly and creature comforts like electricity go a long way towards allowing a responsible adult to escape into fiction. When you're worried about shit like where dog food is going to come from, it's hard to justify spending time writing.

Besides, Texas needs all the liberal, feminist-atheists it can get. And let me tell you all right now, I shall not go gentle into that good fucking night. Oh, no. I intend to unpack our Halloween stuff and then make a splash in the community. I'm too old to keep my mouth shut for the sake of fitting in, so I'm not going to. I intend to announce to the world that I am an atheist, that I am an erotica writer, that I am a homeschooler, and that I am as liberal as they come. My sanity simply cannot handle the balancing act of trying to be just like everyone else. Anyway, what kind of role model would I be for my kid if I denied who I am and what I love and believe for the sake of fitting in?

Tonight, I'm going to a going away party thrown by some of my best friends. I've requested that they color my hair for the very first time in my life--purple and blue. If I'm gonna be out, I might as well be loud, so that others can find me.

If you're in the Dallas area, and meet a mild mannered homeschooling mom with  purple streaks in her otherwise dirty blonde hair, go on up to her. Say howdy. Tell her you know that her alter ego is called Alyssa Steel, and tell her that you're a comrade at arms. I may talk big, but the prospect of being all alone out there scares the mother loving god right outta me. Wait, no. I don't have a mother loving god, but you know what I mean.

See you soon!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Write The Stories That Turn You On. What's Your Superpower?

I think it's pretty clearly established that I write smut for a living. Okay, maybe not for a whole living, maybe just for cheap vodka money, but still. I write the stuff that, if done properly, will make the reader need some alone time to take care of urges. That is what I do and it's a helluva lot of fun.

But it's not entirely who I am. I am a wife, a mother, a homeschooling parent, and a leader in my community. I am a blogger, and a from-scratch cook. I am a friend, I am someone that people call when they are confused or have problems. I am someone that is always available to watch a friend's kids at the last minute.

But that's not it, either. I'm a liberal. I'm staunchly pro gay-rights, I'm an atheist, and I'm feminist. I'm strong, I'm a survivor, and I'm intelligent.

But that's not all there is to me. I was an English major with a focus on creative writing in college. I read to escape and I write to process. My husband knows whether I'm depressed, overwhelmed, or just chilling based on the author I'm reading. I have great conversations about Kafka and Bronte and Hardy with my fellow lit-geek girlfriends.

I have worked hard to develop a network of amazing and beautiful people, and to be brutally honest, I'm afraid of the raised eyebrows if it ever got out that I write erotica. I'm afraid that some of those great mom friends would stop letting their kids come over and play with my kid. I'm afraid that my liberal, feminist friends would be aghast that I write stories (and get turned on by them!) of being fucked by strangers or being tied up and made to submit to a man. I'm afraid that my lit-geek girlfriends will look down their noses at me for starting sentences with the word "But" and for writing things with no higher purpose than to make someone all wet between the legs.

Having a pen name allows me to let go of all those fears and all that pressure. Alyssa Steel is able to write the stuff she wants to write without fear of being ostracized or judged, and that is so god damned freeing! As Alyssa, I can say or do anything in my stories and I don't have to worry what my grandmother will think if she stumbled upon my them. I don't have to worry that my kiddo's friends' moms are disgusted by the bondage in my stories. I don't have to worry that all they're thinking about when they're looking at me is whether or not I really enjoy it up the ass. I'd imagine that kind of worry wouldn't make for a very fun moms night out.

When I go into my office to write, I set aside my real name and my real issues. I put on my headphones, turn on Alyssa Steel's Pandora account, put on my pouty lips, and become whoever the hell I want to be. Without my secret identity, I could never reveal this super awesome part of myself.

I write the stories that turn you on. What's  your superpower?