Transplanted Life
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
T minus 18 days
Knocked off work early yesterday to meet up with Jen, Kate, and the other bridesmaids for the last fitting before Jen's wedding. And, I must say, Jen looks GORGEOUS. As I said when she asked what I thought, I was torn between wanting to marry her myself and wishing I'd said yes to Doug back in October, even though it probably would have been a bad idea, just to have one of my own. I haven't gone all girly-girly or anything, but the idea of looking that awesome is sort of overwhelming.

I think I might be starting to "get" this whole wedding thing. Sure, there's a big part of me that basically believes it's a scam. But even if I don't have the childhood conditioning that says, basically, that one's wedding is the culmination of the first twenty-odd years of one's life, I'm having fun with this in ways other than it being cool to see Jen so happy, excited, and, yeah, nervous. The idea of being that important to somebody and making sure that everyone knows it is kind of overpowering.

I still think it should be a little more even - it should mean as much to the man, so why is he wearing the same sort of rented pants he'd wear to any formal occasion instead of a one-use-only garment, and why doesn't he wear an overpriced carbon crystal marking him as taken? - but that's quibbling, I guess. If Kate's down with all the pieces of the ritual that seem to indicate possession and subservience, then I guess I can be too.


PS - Speaking of stuff "real girls" know from childhood and I don't: Jen's sister had me absolutely convinced that I had my stockings on the wrong feet when I tried my dress on. Oh, sure, she said, normally they're interchageable, but for special formal occasions, there are left and right stockings. Kate, Jen, et al thought it was hilarious.
Some men do buy the tuxedo, and some men do have a diamond or diamonds in their wedding ring.

In my opinion - it is simply that the wedding vows and making our bride happy is what a wedding is about for most men.

Thanks for the... your female perspective on the subject.
Ah, but the tux is reusable. If a friend gets married, you can use it. If you're being presented with an award, you can use it. If you really don't want to do laundry and need an extra pair of pants... And how many men wear engagment rings?
In the famous words of one Homer Simpson...

Though, to be fair, there are some tuxes that are very identifiably "groom" tuxes. 2 of my 3 brothers have been married in the last few years, and each wore a tux distinctly different than those of their ushers. Similar styles to each other, and also to what I had seen in other weddings I've been to (and I've been to a few in the last few years)... it's something you can recognize as a "groom tux," and that makes it kinda tacky to wear at other occasions.
My wife and I avoided the whole "traditional wedding" thing (not that most aspects of it are any more traditional than the diamond-in-wedding-ring thing) and spent the money on the reuseable garments-- my suit-- rather than on her wedding dress, which she got at Things only have the meaning you, yourself impart to them.
What particular said is so... right. Things only have meaning if you give it to them. I'd go one step further, and observe that the reason those things gain meaning is that they help us connect to who we were, and what we did with them. Which leads to Marti...

Way back, you were really angsty about all the things you ended up not having when you woke up in Michelle's body. Where are you on that now? You've got many of those things back, do they connect you to yoru past, or do they connect you to something more distant, namely Martin's past?

- Z
Well, they help us remember how we felt when doing those things. How we felt when everything was new. Remembering who you were and how you felt then is necessary to figuring out who you are now, whether you're a person, or a couple, or the United States.

Er...I assume by things missing you meant material possessions. They might be reminders of who Marti was back then, but then the question is how has that changed? I do note that we haven't seen much mention of things like comic books, lately. If that's changing then the comic books from pre-transplant days would be a sort of touchstone of identity.
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