24 December 2011


It was 3:00 am and my smartphone echoed threw my room eyes slightly closed I saw I had a an email. I closed my eyes within another 2 minutes my phone signaled me once again. I sat up in my bed to see what all the fuss was about. The emailed titled I'm skinny and still not happy the title itself made me want to read it just then and there regardless of the time. In a lengthy email I was contacted by Stacey* a follower of NYC who stated she was having a difficult time accepting her new body after a almost 200 lb weight loss.  I immediately emailed her back to ask if it was okay to use her story for my blog and possibly interview her. She quickly responded and the appointment was set up to interview her in 2 days. I was excited the next two days I wrote down questions that I wanted to ask her.

It was 12 noon on a Friday I sat in front of my Mac labtop with my skype ready and notepad in hand. It rang about 5 minutes later. The cam turned on and I could see myself on the screen and a little below a whisper I heard Stacey* ﻿speak. I asked her why hadn't she turned on her end of the camera. She sounded so unsure of her self. Finally she turned on the camera and before me was a Carmel, slim, well spoken woman obviously in her 20's. Her Hair was in a bow ties her lips was well painted and she wore a white button down and awesome dream catcher around her neck. She looked away from the camera and avoided eye contact for some time.  I finally got her to look into the cam and have a great interview which is why I'm here now writing this.

Stacey* had been heavy her entire life in the 8th grade she was almost 250lbs wearing a size 18/20 fully developed breast, filled jeans, spread hips. It was the time when some girls were just beginning to form their shape and gain breast. She honestly hated her body and high school didn't make it any better her confidence was shattered when students would pick at her and she was raped by a neighbor  at the tender ages of 11 to 14 years old. She hated her body everything about it was disgusting she had tried talking to guys all were either ashamed of her or just wanted her for sex. Once high school was over and the pressure of everyday school was over and she had ballooned up to 320lbs. Looking down and playing with her fingers she explained shortened breath and limited sexual experience with sex. She would never had intercourse often and when it did happen it was usually out of pressure from her husband. She had married and now on outings to the mall or anywhere. She would spot a pretty slim woman and would eye her husband to see if he would look. They would have arguments for some of the simplest reasons like her asking him if he liked what he saw in a smaller woman and he would say no instantly in her eyes he was a liar. Everyone wanted a smaller woman if they could is what she told her self. I questioned Stacey as to how she lost her weight She quickly shared her screen with me and showed me her eating diary exercise regimen and weight watchers journey. over the course of 2 years she had shed 200 lbs and it look great on her 5'8 frame. I honestly couldn't tell that she was ever fat no excess skin and her breast had been augmented but it looked great honestly.

When asked why wasn't she happy with the new her is where this story changed and she made a lot of valid points. Stacey* was very blunt and obvious with her Q&A part of the interview:

Q: after losing a entire person you have stated you aren't happy I'm confused.
A: you're confused try me I thought losing weight and being smaller was naturally going to make me happy. I thought my happiness was in my waist line and now I'm a size 10 and I'm still NOT happy,confident and I don't know.

Q; What was your purpose of reaching out to me?
A: I wanted to tell woman plus size women that is that be happy be confident with who they are. I watch you Linda almost everyday just the way you carry speaks volumes of you. It's amazing to say the least you embrace yourself your curves your fat. It brings me to tears that although I'm small I still don't feel sexy.  sex is a no go at all and I just fell like I'm losing myself in this weight loss. Everyone tells me how hot  I look but I DON'T FEEL IT! 

Q: Do you think your past has anything to do with how you feel about your body?
A: yes! during my molestation I was constantly put down and told no one wanted me. Somewhere, Somehow I believed him. I believed that his touch was the only I would feel and I ultimately hated my body. In time I have found myself giving myself to men that I knew weren't worth my time and just selling myself short. Although with weight loss new attention has come along I still haven't found me or my happiness. 

Stacey* then asked me had I ever felt inferior or small around women that were smaller then I and did I have a desire to be small.

I have never felt little next to any woman because a smaller waist doesn't bring about more class, more sexy, more confidence or self esteem. Now there was a Moment when a ex started dating a woman who was smaller then me. She would talk about to others and even attempt to put me down saying things  to other ppl and of course they were just so happy to bring the info back. She would say things like " she big she has nothing on me" or "what do ppl see in her she fat" and the list goes on and on. I never felt inferior to her though I kind of felt sorry honestly. So I know what it feels like to be targeted for my weight hell the first thing ppl say when upset with me usually is "your fat ass" lol I just think that Stacey* has hopefully cleared up the cliche that SKINNY=HAPPY because it doesn't on your weight loss journey understand that it's just weight loss that's it. Losing pounds will not give you self esteem, morals, confidence, better sex etc. 
I have no desire to be skinny I do have a desire to be healthy if a smaller waist and number on the scale happens so be it. I for sure knows what matters!


  1. Very interesting post!! I agree tho weight loss will not make you happy.....happiness and self esteem come from within. Losing weight should not be for happiness but for the added benefits of being healthier...less risk of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure etc.....that is my main reason for staying in the gym now...that and more fashion choices :) Less food more fashion is my motto for 2012.

  2. I have talked about this in a video I did where my old roommate went from a confident size 22 fat girl to an insecure size 14 skinny girl. It amazes me that people assume that just because you're fat you're miserable, when it’s actually on the contrary. If you cannot find beauty within, then you'll never see beauty shinning out. Once again thanks Ms. Linda for the post.

  3. The biggest misconception that a lot of us face is topics like this. Our outer appearance may as well be covered with sh*t if the inside isn't up to par. I know it's been said time and time again but, you've gotta appreciate what you HAVE before you can even think about what you could have. It's sad, heartbreaking to say the least.. I'm just glad that more and more blogs promoting self love regardless of your size, shape, ethnicity etc. are emerging. Stay blessed girls, spread some love.

  4. I love this article. I think that so many women get caught up in what they see on TV. Oh, Jennifer Hudson lost weight and she's happy or Kirstie Alley was happy when she was small. The truth of the matter is that your problems will still be there after the weight is gone. If you have low self esteem, it will still be there after the weight is gone. If you are painfully shy, you will still be shy after the weight is gone. Losing weight doesn't change who you are.

  5. Confidence comes from within not from being fat or skinny. As a skinny girl I get teased by my aunts who are plus sized women, but it does not phase me because I am confident within. My point is we all may be teased about something being size, hair, or skin color, but we must be happy with who we are. Great article BTW!


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