Borderline personality disorder

I hate myself for making mistakes.
I hate myself for hurting people.
I hate myself for having borderline personality/bipolar disorder.
I hate myself for being an attention seeker because of BPD.

I think it would be best to end my life
Right here!
Right now!
so that I can’t hurt anyone anymore.

I keep

The people I care about.

I feel like a trap.
I lie in wait.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, but
people step too close
and my jaws snap
and people are hurt badly.
Then someone resets me
and it starts all over again.

So don’t come near me.
Don’t get close to me.
Don’t get inside my head.
For God’s sake, don’t get near my heart.

Because I can hurt you.
And no matter how much I care
no matter how much I love you
no matter how much I don’t want to hurt you

In all likelihood
I will.
I hate myself for being manipulative because of BPD.
I hate myself for exaggerating things because of BPD.

Basically, I hate myself for having a disorder.




Days without my best friend

Not necessary that everyone has a best-friend!





I literally died 3 days without my best friend.



To cold

Tears flowing in streams until I can’t breathe.
that is what I do best sometimes.
But how the stars shine that is when it speaks to me
I find myself wanting to know everything about it.
The voices in my head dwindle
They get louder and louder to were my ears bleed
In the end though, I cowardly retreat.
Because I know they
Are to strong
Even for me….



Two Years Later

She asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.


Sometimes, it is the simple questions that give us the answers that are most difficult to bear.

Let your burden go.

You deserve better.
I found better in K. But it took a lot of hurt before I could be happy with him again. I am blessed to have someone like K to have made it easy.


Words maybe strong and have a lot of meanings…. but as long as I know what’s true about me

Words don’t hurt me

If you cross the line, then I will payback in kind to your harsh words

I know what’s true, I know what’s a lie

I know who I am

No matter what you say

Words will never hurt me

You lie through your teeth just to hurt someone else

Did someone stab you with harsh words?

No need to do the same to someone

Try using kind words

Words have a lot of meaning

If you us the right ones

Then no one will have the need for harsh and painful words



It’ll make you hesitate and stutter,
For you’ll want to run for cover,
Unsure of what to say,
Your confidence will disobey,
But in your heart, you know it’s true,
Beating in lust, not in blue,
The being you wish to possess, your very desire,
But you must calm, and not perspire,
Because its a beautiful thing, a wonderful sensation,
A gift from life, your heart’s temptation.



Being alone

Everyone feels alone at some point in their life, whether they want to admit it or not. It feels hollow but painful. The feeling comes from the same place as happiness and sadness, but why does being alone feel this way?


It’s because the pain from being sad makes itself present, and the happiness that you had felt re-emerges from the slumber it was in. You can be the happiest person you know and feel completely alone…or you can be the saddest and be alone, either way, from happiness to sadness, everyone feels that dark, aching pain that they can’t explain. “Why does it hurt? Why does it feel like that? Why do I feel this way?” are questions you ask yourself when you feel the deep feeling in your chest.

When you are alone, you think of your mistakes, and you see them being worse than they were; and you feel worse than you did the first time. I know that. I have relived my past mistakes over and over and I regretted every moment. But I can’t change it. I have to live with the facts that I was angry, depressed, short-tempered and alone. People tried to reach out to me, but I ended up pushing them away, at least I think I did…

But this isn’t about me, it’s about all of the people who feel alone and distanced from the world.

But, those people. You, please, I know the feeling will make you cry, I know you will feel yourself crumbling slowly, but don’t hurt yourself for it. People will come to help you. That one person who asks how you are that one day, he/she probably knows your pain and wants to help you. You are never alone. Teachers, your parents, whether they seem to never care or not, your classmates, they care. I have felt like I had friends ever since I went into high school. And I could never ask for better friends. I will be your friend. I want to help people who feel the same pain as I have had to for the 17 years of being alive.

So, please. If you feel this feeling of being completely alone, and you don’t know where to go, just know that being alone may be a safe place, but it also can be the most painful one of all.