How do I accept that I'll never have a life if I stay married to him

My life is very much about my husband and not about me. I hate it, but, with no job, I can't see a way out.

He has to have everything in our life that's good. He lost his cell, he took mine. When I got home, I got a call from the bank that he'd left it there, which means he can't get it until Monday. (Thankfully, we haven't dropped our lineline like so many people do. You can't lose that.)

His car blew its engine because his *** job makes him drive 30K miles a year (no reimbursement), We are going to turn it back and get a new one. This means I will have that on my credit for 7 years, so no new car for me (mine cost $500 on eBay.) and no house for us. A house is my deepest held dream. But he won't give up this job and find one that pays for the driving or pays better because he loves it. He won't work a second job because he's afraid he'd be "too tired" for his primary job if he did. I can't get a job with a 1992 car with a bad cylinder. The jobs in my field are all 90 miles away. No one will hire me for a job where I need to be on time EVERY DAY with a car like mine. And since he's going to crash our credit so he can keep his job, even if someone does hire me, I won't be able to replace MY car with one dependable enough for that kind of long commute.

He also is "too tired" to do any work to maintain our house, so I have to do all that. Ok if I'm not working, but I've just come off a temporary month of work and he did nothing and I did everything.

I divorced my first husband (no ADD there) because he had this "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" attitude. I raised 2 kids alone and put them first. Then I married a man who hyperfocused on me and thought he actually loved me that much. Then I find out that wasn't real and I'm an afterthought in his life and I'm just here to solve his problems. Our marriage counselor won't return my calls to make another appointment. I don't have a job and I don't see a way to make him love me if he doesn't want to. I'm 57 years old and sometime I'd like to have something in my life besides taking care of someone else.

He's taking meds but is only doing a med monitoring appointment every 3 months (At the last one, he didn't even mention to his doctor that he hadn't been able to afford the meds and hadn't had any in 2 weeks.) Our marriage counselor apparently doesn't want to see us any more. Since he's hyperfocused on his job, he won't take any time to do it during the week, and I can't find another counselor who does weekends. He has no personal counseling, his doctors apparently never mention it to him. He won't read Melissa's book.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get off dead center, or am I going to end up as one of those homeless people with a cardboard sign, but mine would read "Husband has ADD"? Sorry about the self-pity, I just can't seem to find a way out. (Counseling for me is not an option-we dropped me from his insurance.)