Saturday, February 26, 2005

Slow day today.

I went into work, watched the Spongebob movie and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part two.

The spongebob movie is pretty good, but boyoboy does SNDN2 (That's what people in the industry call it) suck. And you're talking to a guy who thinks SNDN1 is something of a holiday classic. It's kind of like "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" if instead of having the Grinch steal all the Who's presents, he chops off his dog's head with an axe, and rapes and murders Cindy Lou Who.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning rape and murder, but when it happens in a Santa suit, it's a tad more compelling.

But SNDN2 honestly begins with a 40 minute marathon featuring all the murder scenes from the first one. You know how they do that sometimes in the Friday the 13th sequels, where they kinda recap some of the Jason mayhem from previous sequels? Yeah, well when they do it, it lasts about 30 seconds.

In this movie, I shit you not, it take 40 minutes before the main character does anything. And by anything, I mean putting on a Santa suit and chopping the head off a deformed nun in a wheelchair.

So you, know- the film isn't without it's merits.

In terms of the question in the comments about the new Wes Craven werewolf movie, I haven't seen it. And this is the video store clerk rather than the werewolf talking here, but apparently, it was supposed to come out last year, but it had to be almost totally rewritten and re-shot, and it was shelved for a year. Then, they dumped it theaters in February, so I have a hard time believing that it's not going to suck.

Also, I've heard rumors of CGI werewolves, which are the fucking worst. I mean, if you're gonna have CGI werewolves, you need something awesome to counterbalance that, like Julie Delpy naked.

(Julie Delpy is naked in American Werewolf in Paris.)

Fuck it, maybe I should get in touch with Wes Craven- I guarentee you, I could transform onscreen for those sons of bitches and get some dumb patsy an Academy Award for makeup.

Also, those of you who think I'm gonna be eating kittens, well- rest easy- I've already eaten one cat, and it didn't agree with me. I think I'm gonna stick with sheep, or other livestock. It's expensive, but based on that one night when I ate Beebee, it was pretty awesome, and it kept me relatively docile, so that's cool.

I just don't want to hurt anybody.

Maybe I'll buy a pig this time.

That would be sweet.


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