What are you looking for?
6 May 2017


i'm a pretty introverted person. that might be hard to believe, seeing as i pretty much put my whole life on the internet in one way or another, but that's just it: it's pretty much my whole life - not everything. and there's a lot i don't share here, because i reckon if i do, it'll open a pandora's box of questions and concerns and - in all likeliness, people who have only nice things to say, but none of that would fix the things i can't change, or stop my brain from doing the things it does to get me down. so it's easier if i don't. and really, that's ok. it's more than ok, because probably no-one wants to read that - certainly no more than i want to write about it.
my friends though? i reckon that collectively, they know everything there is to know about me; about how my brain works. about what makes me smile and laugh, and what makes me sit in a room of people, bitchy resting face in full force, with nothing to say. no words to contribute to the group dynamic. no hilarious story or witty one-liner to shut the room down. they know what's going through my head, and they know not to prod. not to ask questions. not to make it a thing. because it's when people point out the things you're trying to hide, that you become conscious of them, and the smallest of things can become the biggest. 

even if it's nothing, really. if it's just been a long week of talking and you're out of words to use. if you're tired beyond belief, and the sheer exertion of getting out of bed and trekking across london is all the effort you can muster. if it's just been a really brain-frying week of work, socialising, and being a human adult. even then, they know not to ask. because they also know, that i will tell them when i need to. that i will come to them when i have to. that i will share my thoughts with them when i want to. because my friends are so great that if you send an emergency "i don't feel up to coming" text the morning of a catch-up, the instant response is never "oh, but we have plans". the response is always "feel better lovely, and see you soon". in our group, we never apologise for our feelings, for our down days, or for our excuses. 

in our group we also know that a glass of fizz will solve everything. especially if it's pink. we solemnly believe that nothing puts a smile back on a down-gal's dial quite like a cold glass of fruity bubbles, so we always come to our monthly hangs prepared. this time, it was premier estates' grand rose and prosecco - with a touch of chambord and a smattering of frozen fruit that did the trick. the extra dry grand rose tastes as pink as it looks, and is soooo easy to drink. it's sweet and floral, with the obvious notes of summer fruits, thus making it the perfect drink for a spring catch-up and chill-out session with the girls. did it do the trick? yes ma'am it did! mind you, the chambord and frozen berries added a nice fruity touch to the drier of the two bottles of fizz too, without taking away from the hint of citrus and apple left on the taste buds by the prosecco. i don't love a dry wine, but i find that the bubbles give lenience to the aftertaste, by making the whole experience a bit more fun. ha!

i guess what i'm trying to say here is: i think we all need to remember to take what we read on blogs or on the internet with a pinch of salt. let's try to consider that what people choose to share of themselves online is but only what they want you to see, and not the whole story. sometimes we choose to be different, more interesting, or less terrified of life online, and that's ok. it's more than ok. if your way of coping with things is by whacking a great big smile on, drinking a glass of pink fizz and telling people you're living your best life, then, that's so fine. but please - if that's you, and you're struggling with something that you can't share here, or on twitter, or in the hundreds of facebook groups you're in - please make sure you share it with your friends. that's what they're there for.

and if you can't do that, then share it with me and mine. because honestly: they're the best.

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