be gentle with yourself


i think it's normal for mothers to doubt everything that they do. there are so many moments littered throughout the day when we have no clue what we're doing, where we feel helpless and unable to figure out the next move- moments when we're just trying to keep our head above water until the next wave comes crashing down on us in the form of a new molar or an epic tantrum or a bump on the head.

we make the assumption that we're supposed to have it all- it being life- figured out. we make lists, we take steps, we plan. we inevitably fail. and then the cycle of would have's, could have's, and should have's begin. we're really hard on ourselves. too hard on ourselves. we're our own worst critic. and, yet, we manage to cut everyone else in our lives a break but we struggle with allowing ourselves to receive any slack.

monday evening, after putting marlo to bed after a really shitty day, i said to myself: you could've done better today. today could've been better. do better. 

and it's bullshit.

as bad as that day was, i did exactly what my baby needed. even though the tears and the pain didn't stop, even though i had no clue what she was saying through all of the crying, and even though i felt defeated ninety-nine percent of the time, i did my best. i held her all day long as she was crying into my ear. i rubbed her back every time she asked for tickles. i read the same book four hundred and eleven times because it's her favorite. i gave her three bubble baths because it's the only time she seemed somewhat happy. i gave her as many kisses and hugs as she'd allow.

be gentle with yourself; you're doing the best that you can.

i read that recently and i realized that it isn't my job to be a perfect mother. my only job is to do my best as marlo's mother. 

and that's exactly what i did.


Alicia said...

Thank you. I've felt this and have been here so many times as a mother. Thank you for this.

