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Behold! The Secret of Warlock POWAH!

“We can’t call it ‘The Warlock Manual’!  Think of the negative press! Think of the angry letters! Think of all the ticked off mages!”

“Well, how about we add some of that time travel stuff those dumb mages like, and call it ‘DoT training’ instead?”

“That’ll work. No book-burning angry protestor ever looks past the cover anyway.”


Intolerance in the Heart of Karazhan

Location: Karazhan, Deadwind Pass

Faction: Neutral

Karazhan has always been a place that’s not all there.  The wizard that lived there was ‘half-possessed’ by the leader of the Burning Legion, had an affair with a half-orc/half-draenei with a heart of gold (and a knife in King Llane’s chest), and spent half of his time killing the people that he spent the other half working with.  That’s a lot of halves right there.  So when I walk in to a spooky abandoned tower that belonged to a spooky mage, I’m expecting traps, monsters, and experiments run amok.  What I wasn’t expecting to find was close minded censorship!

I suppose I should be more clear about what I mean.  You see, in the Library of Karazhan there are dozens of piles of burning books.  They’re everywhere! Including high up ledges that require the ability to fly or fall down to, which shows a special dedication to burning these books.  Medivh’s library was home to some wild stuff, I have no doubt, but why would the current inhabitants (mostly arcane elementals and constructs) want to burn these books?  Well, I have composed a list of possible reasons:

1. They are cold. Granted, I’m not an expert on Elemental biology.  My understanding is that they are animate versions of a specific element.  Water elementals are just living water.  So I don’t think they have much in the way of a nervous system – although they do have health.  I’m unsure if they can even feel the cold.  I know the constructs can’t.  Robots don’t feel the cold.  They only feel hate! Hate for humans!  But no, I think we can safely assume they are not cold.

2. Books are dumb. Even as a writer, I will concede that this argument has merit.  After all, if I throw a book into the burning lava of the Obsidian Sanctum will it get out of there? No.  Books stand in the fire.  Books are indeed dumb.  However, I can think of how that would cause the monsters of Karazhan to set the library ablaze.

3. They had to cook the marshmallows somehow. Okay, I was unsure if elementals had a nervous system – what with the health and all – but I am pretty sure they do not have a digestive system.  There are no “elemental droppings” to be found.  So even if they had procured some marshmallows (possibly from the opera house downstairs) I don’t think there’s anyway to actually eat them.  And robots only eat the flesh of the human oppressors!

4. It was self defense. What? Are you kidding me? Get the hell out of here.

5. The books teach kids witchcraft! The tower belongs to one of the most powerful wizards in history. I would expect the books to teach you witchcraft. What did you expect to be in the library?  Romance novels?  He kept those in his bedroom!

However if these books are being burned because of their “witchcraft” contents, I have to wonder who exactly has this concern?  The Arcane Elementals?  The ones made of magic?  It doesn’t seem to be in their best interest to denounce magic.  Neither does it seem likely that the Violet Eye would want to destroy what could be very valuable documents.  After all, they sent Khadgar there to steal these very secrets from the library.  No one else has much of a leg to stand on in this matter either.  After all, how are you gonna complain about the books teaching kids to be evil when the upstairs tenet is a demon lord of the Burning Legion?  Seems kinda like wonky priorities.  Then again, book burnings aren’t exactly the most thought out events: “We don’t like this book.” “So you bought it?”  “We bought hundreds!” “Cause you don’t like it?”  “Yea! We’re gonna burn them!” “So you’re gonna burn the hundreds of books that you just paid money for because you don’t like it?” “Don’t oppress me!”

So who has anything to gain from burning these books?  The only ones left are the robots…   wait.  That’s it!  It’s the robots!  Of course! Robots greatest weakness is magic because it’s a phenomenon their logical brains can’t describe. (Like why anyone would go see a Michael Bay movie!) This explains so much.  Like why the Curator will attack you on sight for just approaching the library but won’t do a thing to stop the fires.  This is it! Judgment Day! Game over, man! GAME OVER!

Ahem.  Sorry about that.

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