On Senioritis…

In three weeks I’ll be part of the 14% of Americans who have college degrees. I’ll be packing up the only kind of life I’ve ever known and moving in to the workforce. The past 16 years of my life have been spent as a student. Homework, projects, group work, and textbooks have defined my life. I’ve been building schedules, balancing work with class, complaining about ignorant students, and feeling frustrated about various teachers for such a large portion of my life but in three weeks I’ll be moving on.

Graduating is scary. Job searching is intimidating to say the least but more accurately it’s a rather depressing endeavor. Without a thick skin and a lot of patience it would be easy to never find a job in your desired industry. Graduation marks a transfer from parental support to self-sufficiency. It caters in a brand new part of life that isn’t punctuated by “breaks” (CAN’T WAIT FOR SUMMER BREAK!), yes or no answers, and constant change. In short, it’s absoultely terrifying. To top it all off I’m beginning to watch friends take big steps in both their personal and professional lives. My peers are getting engaged and sprinting towards marriage. I have friends living in France, Australia, England, and Japan. My friends are working in high-paying internships while keeping social lives intact and it all leaves me feeling very alone.

In six weeks I’m moving to Arizona back into my parents home. I don’t currently have a marketing position and am feeling rather discouraged by the job search. The lack of response isn’t my main concern–it is the lack of availability of entry-level positions. Realistically, it could take a while for me find an industry job. I’m perpetually single and I feel like I should be doing something extravagant like working for a big-name company or jetting off to Europe so I can backpack and “find myself”. My actual plans make me sad. BUT this is the part of the story where I pull myself the fuck up by my bootstraps.

I’m feeling depressed, unmotivated, and uninspired. Why? Because I’m focusing on the negative. Instead of feeling sorry for my lack of marital status, living situation, and gloomy job outlook I need to think about how lucky I am.

1) I’m graduating form college. Not only that, but I’m graduating a full year early. Graduating is an accomplishment but finishing early takes a lot of extra work. I’m proud of myself for sticking to my plan. It’s taken a LOT of work to get to where I am. That’s something to smile about.

2) I have parents that are willing to take me back in after I graduate and support me until I can support myself. I know this is not the situation for everyone and as unappealing it is to think about bringing dates back to my parent’s house or dodging my little brother’s friends when I want alone time, I need to focus on being around people who love me and want to see me succeed.

3) I have a job. My wonderful boss from the last job I had in Phoenix has graciously hired me once again while I look for work in the marketing world. Ummm, WHAT?! How am I so blessed?

4) I’m young as fuck. It hasn’t even been a year since the law has allowed me to drink–I have PLENTY of time to travel the world, fall in love, and find a kick-ass job.

5) NO MORE WINTER FOR ME!!! I don’t do so well in the icy cold Chicago winters and I am thrilled to be moving to a warmer climate. If that’s not something to celebrate, I don’t know what is.

These next three weeks are going to be tough so if I’m not around as much as usual just send me prayers and happy thoughts. I’ve been putting off my homework and I think it’s because I’m feeling so afraid of graduation–putting off my work makes it feel like I have more time. Tonight I’m going to get some big projects finished up and embrace my future. Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are the best!


6 thoughts on “On Senioritis…

  1. Congratulations on graduating! I'm more or less in a similar boat, and terrified about moving on, but I think you said it best about having plenty of time to do lots of kick-ass things :)Best wishes!

  2. I definitely hit a slump after college, so I can sympathize with where you're at. My first year or so post-college was weird and confusing–I didn't know quite what I was doing or where I was heading. But that's ok! A lot of people don't! As you said, you're crazy young. You have plenty of time to do well, fuck up, and do well all over again.Also, maybe check this out:http://pcskpromo.blogspot.com/ (I'm in no way affiliated, I just saw it awhile back and thought that I would have loved something like this when I graduated.)

  3. Hey Mal,I know we haven't had much of a relationship, other than sitting together for lunch for 2 years, but I have been reading your blog for years. I just wanted to say I am really proud of you. You are an incredible woman, who I know will make it in what she wants. I know, trust me I know, it is really difficult to not immediately get the job you want, but stick it out. You are incredible at everything you do and I know one day you will be taking all your talent into do exactly what you want!Don't get discouraged. You have graduated, and now is where the excitement begins :)

  4. Hi There- I've never comment here before but I HAD to after I read this post. This looks almost exactly like a post I wrote after graduation last May. I also graduated with a degree in marketing. I feel like no one really prepares you for how truly hard it is to job search. I felt like no one understood. I was depressed, unmotivated, and extremely negative. You are not alone! Keep your chin up and I feel confident you will do AMAZING things!!!! :)

  5. Malori, it's so exciting that you're graduating. That is an amazing accomplishment. :) When you get back to Arizona, we should definitely grab lunch or coffee and talk recipes! :) xo – Danielle

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