I Hate These Buzzwords

1. “Man Up!”

Okay, first, this phrase is totally sexist. Second, it is totally sexist. If you want to call someone a wuss, then have the balls to just say so. You do not sound hip when you say this. You sound like someone who would put balls on their monster truck.

“Devlin! Stop messing with those spices and toss those heels. You need to man up!”
2. “I’m not gonna lie…”  
I mean, I was totally going to lie but then you gave me a nice compliment, so now I decided that I wouldn’t lie.
3. “To be honest”
Not only is this phrase usually followed by something best left unsaid, but it also implies everything else you say is dishonest. Just between you and me, to be honest, I’m a complete tool.
4. “It won’t happen overnight”
What evolutionary changes, exactly, happen “overnight”? I can’t even get a zit to go away overnight. Racism isn’t going to improve “overnight”. The economy isn’t going to rebound
“overnight”. Isn’t it assumed that things like muscle tone and discovering a way to eat a family-size bag of Lay’s potato chips without gaining any weight don’t spontaneously happen? People also try to pass off this wisdom as a “get out of jail free” card. I can’t blame him. After all, he did say it wouldn’t happen overnight.
5. “It’s anybody’s guess…”
Translation: I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about. Who is this “anybody”? And why is she making guesses in the first place?
6. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but…”
This is the insincere woman’s attempt at humility. Come on, we all know that I AM perfect, but I’m just not going to SAY that I’m perfect. To say I’m perfect, even though it’s
true, would be totally arrogant. So I won’t say it. I’ll just think it. Also, anything I say after I say I’m not perfect is actually more of a reason you should think I’m almost perfect.
7. “Everything happens for a reason”
So, remember that horrible thing that happened to you that gave you PTSD, there was a super good reason for it. Don’t you feel better knowing that? It’s all part of “the plan” that you aren’t privy to but is depriving you of your freewill. There is no reason to aspire to do anything because whatever is supposed to happen is already going to happen. Just go back to bed.
8. “That’s How I Roll”
In other words, get the hell over whatever annoying thing I am doing or idiotic thing I am saying. I can’t help it that I was born this way. I’m just like Lady Gaga. Deal with me, suckers! I’m a selfish bastard!