From Literature and Back: Control

    This is part of our series “From Literature and Back,” where writers are inspired by a film that was originally a novel. This selection is based off of Nicholas Sparks’ Safe Haven.

    I live my life in controlled breaths, in and out, a feedback loop with no end in sight.

    I am secure, resolute, ordered; I don’t breach my self contract and I do not break my cycle for anything, for anyone.

    But there are moments – moments when life twists around, when hands lead to touch, and hearts to lead to love; my command dissipates, and the prison that I lock my thoughts in begins to chip away, brick by brick.

    Fingers intertwining, hair disheveled, breath offbeat and eyes closed; the world blends into darkness. Days are for focus, but nights are born for freedom.

    In the moments with you, I am no longer attached to a world, a life, a past and a list of nightmares and worries and fears.

    You are my break, my sanctity and my safety. You are the air in my lungs that no longer feels like sharpened knives or just a lack of anything at all. In a life where I constantly search for solid ground, you just might be the stability I need, but have never found – my oasis, my moment in time that lasts forever and simultaneously never long enough.

    You disturb my carefully controlled breaths, no longer just in and out, but now, so much more.


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