The Emotional-Support Maggot Trading Card

The Emotional-Support Maggot Trading Card

The Emotional-Support Maggot






Growing to the size of a loaf of bread, the Emotional-Support Maggot was genetically engineered for long life without ever leaving the larval stage. Better still, the animal eats constantly and moves about as little as possible, making it the ideal companion for Americans. People could keep them in shopping bags and pull them out as needed for hugs and baby talk and treats.

Of course, the number one Halloween costume for Emotional-Support Maggots was Jabba the Hutt, but you also saw a few Eraserhead babies in strollers, sushi rolls, and the usual stuff.

Fun Fact:

The first release of the genome had some issues that were resolved in later releases. The most common issue was that sometimes the creature would keep growing and growing, and so there were people who ended up with Emotional-Support Maggots the size of their sofa. There were numerous homes and apartment complexes with structural damage as a result.

The other issue was much more rare but equally disturbing. Some Emotional-Support Maggots could actually molt into flies, and so you had these people going through airport security with giant house flies on leashes instead of something normal like a duck or a turkey.


The recommended habitat for an Emotional-Support Maggot is a plastic-lined shopping bag or beach bag where it can be spritzed occasionally to ensure it stays moist. The creature can only tolerate comfortable indoor climates with adequate AC.

More Improbable Creatures:
