The number one thing women tell us they’re looking for in a man is by far confidence.  It’s necessary to be a confident guy in order to attract and attain the kind of woman you want. Unfortunately, there’s no easy or magical way to get confidence. It is something that is earned and developed over time and fortunately, there is much you can do in order to increase your overall confidence.

As hard and daunting as this may sound, the best way to achieve confidence is to practice.  By practicing I mean approaching women or asking numerous women out and getting rejected.  How do you think Olympians got to be so good at their game? They weren’t just naturally able to achieve the kind of success they have right off the bat.  It took years of practice in order to get to where they’re at.  It’s going to take practice, tweaking, improving again and again.

There are several other things you can do to increase your confidence:

Update Your Look

This is one the fastest and easiest ways to make major gains and improve your overall chances of attracting women.  Women spend hours a day on their appearance and they appreciate a guy who puts in a little effort as well.  Check out our Pinterest board for guys style tips and to make sure your threads aren’t completely out of style. If you’re still not sure, then seek out a Professional Stylist. You can hire one or a lot of stores even have them on staff to help you.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions and check out resources online to find a style you like and feel comfortable with.

Another thing that I see a ton of men need help on is their hairstyle and grooming.  If you’re unsure about your hairstyle then ask a stylist what they think you could do to make yourself look better.  A lot of times they know, but they will just do what you tell them to in order to make you happy.  Ask them for their opinion, check out the looks in those hairstyle books, or check out our Pinterest board for men’s hairstyle tips.   

Finally, guys please please please take care of that body hair, tweeze your eyebrows to get rid of the unibrow, and trim your nose hairs.  Trust me, everyone who you talk to notices them.

Work Out

Would you like a woman whose chest or stomach is bigger?  I’m guessing you’re going to say chest. Well, the same goes for men.  I heard someone say that the dad bod is now in, but I have to adamantly disagree there. Maybe women who aren’t in the best shape themselves are ok with it, but I think anyone would prefer someone who is toned and exercises over someone who isn’t. Women love a guy who has a strong chest, shoulders, and arms.  They want to feel safe and protected by their guy.  

Join a gym and get a trainer. If you just add push ups to your daily routine, this will help immensely, but ideally, you’ll do more and try to become well rounded with your work-outs.

Classes at the gym are also a great way to push yourself.  It’ll force your body to change things up and get a solid workout in.  Another great benefit… tons of women are in classes, not in the free weight area.

80% of weight loss is from your diet so it’s important to make good decisions when it comes to food. Organic, non-processed foods and high amounts of protein are key.  If you’re trying to gain muscle, I’ve heard you should try to take in half your body weight per day in grams of protein. Try not eating out so much as well. Also, have you ever noticed how many women are at the grocery store? Hello!      

Find a New Hobby or Develop a Skill

You know the meat head guy at the gym who is so tough and walks around beating his chest.  So confident, right? Wrong.  Take the muscle head out of the gym and put him in a library or business conference room and you see a scared little boy who doesn’t know what to do. He’s developed confidence around only one area of his life. It’s important to be well rounded because what happens if that body builder guy gets sick and he can’t work out?  He’s just lost the one thing he was confident in.  The same thing goes for the Executive who has dedicated his life to his career to move up the corporate ladder and make money.  When the company goes down, he gets fired for some reason, or the economy tanks, he’s left feeling empty and deflated because he has nothing else to draw from.  I think I’ve made my point.  It’s imperative to develop different skills and hobbies so not only help you to be more well rounded and confident in various areas, but it’s also important to have a life… an interesting life with things you can talk about.  As a Matchmaker, I’m constantly interviewing people to find matches for my clients and it’s amazing to me how some people can be extremely interesting and have a ton of different interests and hobbies, while others just fill their life with watching tv. They don’t have much to add to a conversation. Women love a guy who is intriguing so I can not emphasize enough how important it is to get some hobbies.


You may think this sounds cheesy, but trust me on this one. The final and most important layer of confidence comes from within.  It’s that voice in the back of your head.  The one who tells you you’re not good enough, you’re not smart, good looking, or charming enough.  The one you need to tell to shut up and change out.  This voice is what’s been holding you back, but you have the ability to change. Pay attention to what that inner voice is saying and recognize that it’s not actually you. It’s some negative person you had in the past who is creeping into your mind, but now you’re kicking them out.  Maybe it was a family member, schoolmate, a Coach or Teacher, or maybe it was your ex.  Whoever it was, you have to recognize it for what it is and train yourself to mute them and replace them with positive affirmations. Going forward if you ever hear that voice in your mind, I want you to literally pinch yourself and tell yourself, “no, that’s not true” and replace the thoughts with something like “I can do this. I do belong. I know I’m good enough.” We have a whole blog on positive affirmations that you can check out. Also, I highly recommend other tools and sources whether it’s books, audiobooks, videos etc. about self-improvement and reframing your mindset.  The biggest thing is to be aware of it and recognize when the negativity creeps in your head.  When you realize it’s just a negative voice, then you can ignore and replace it with positivity.  It’s sort of like the first time you realize the bully is just saying those hurtful things because they themselves are just trying to feel better about themselves. You take the wind out of their sails in a way, because now they are discredited and whatever they say has no merit. You’re in control now.

We’ve just given you 4 great steps to helping you achieve the confidence you desire.  You just have to get out there and do these things.  It can be a bit overwhelming when you think about it all. What’s one small step you can do in the next 24 hours to help move you forward and help you to achieve the confidence you desire?  Write it down. Also, write down the steps you could take over the next several weeks to help break it down and make it not be so overwhelming. Writing down your steps will help you to make goals and hold you to them.  Now you just have to take the next step and do it. Go!


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