Why Do People Cheat on their Partners?

By Rachael Pace

If you are married, the thought of infidelity has probably crossed your mind at one point or another.

It may be that you’ve fantasized about the guy at the gym or your flirty secretary. Or your thoughts may consist of mutual horror between you and your spouse. Both widening your eyes at the mention of physical or emotional cheating and thinking, “I hope that never happens to us!”

No matter which one your marriage is faced with, physical and emotional cheating can be devastating to a marriage. Once that precious bond of trust has been broken it can be nearly impossible to get it back.

Do men and women have different reasons for cheating? Do couples only cheat if something is missing in their relationship or is opportunity all it takes to tear down a once happy marriage? Here are 10 common reasons why people cheat.

  1. Boredom

One common reason why people resort to physical or emotional cheating is due to relationship boredom. It could be that the exciting, oxytocin-filled rush of being newlyweds has finally died down and now one partner is feeling uninspired romantically.

  1. Dissatisfaction in the Marital Bed

Feeling dissatisfied in the bedroom can be a huge factor in why a partner may cheat on their spouse. This may be due to any of the following reasons:

  • Living in a sexless marriage
  • Spouses do not enjoy the same sexual kinks
  • Sex is vanilla or uninspired
  • One partner never has an orgasm
  • One spouse is not sensitive to the other’s needs in bed
  • There is no passion in the bedroom
  • These reasons are not surprising. Sex is a large way in which couples connect to one another.

Sex that results in orgasm between partners helps relieve stress and triggers the release of oxytocin. This promotes bonding and heightens emotional intimacy in couples.

  1. Feeling Emotionally Unfulfilled

Couples who do not make time for an emotional connection may experience emotional cheating in their marriage.

Emotional cheating means creating an emotional bond with someone other than your marriage partner. You become excited to talk to this new person and confide personal details about your life to them. Essentially, you are in a romantic relationship without the physical intimacy.

  1. Revenge Cheating

Do men and women have different reasons for cheating? The answer is yes and no. For example, if a woman has been hurt by her spouse, she is more likely to cheat on them out of spite or for revenge.

A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 43% of participants admitted that they cheated on their spouse out of anger.

This may be because their partner is no longer paying attention to them or because they themselves have been unfaithful.

  1. The Opportunity Presented Itself

Cheating is an inherently selfish action. It is the confirmation that a few moments of pleasure with someone new is more important than a relationship that has been carefully cultivated for years.

Flattery and ego play a large part in being unfaithful. Whether it is emotional cheating or an all-out physical affair, sometimes the biggest reasons why people cheat is because they can.

  1. Not in Love with their Partner Anymore

In a study that analyzed the cheating-behavior of 495 adults, a whopping 77% of respondents said their reason for cheating was that they no longer love their partner.

As a (now horrified) married person, you may be wondering “If they are no longer interested in their spouse, why not just leave?” The answer is that there are a lot of reasons. These include:

  • One spouse cannot afford to live on their own
  • Does not want to be alone
  • They have kids together and would feel guilty leaving
  • Wants to have the comfort of building a life with a spouse and illicit affair on the side

Whatever the reason, many people end up cheating on their spouse because they are no longer in love with them.

This lack of love makes them feel less guilty about having an affair. This is further proven by the 44% of study participants who said they cheated because they didn’t feel particularly committed to their partner any longer.

  1. Cheating Under the Influence

In the same study listed above, 70% of participants said that alcohol played a large role in their choice to cheat.

When consuming alcohol, the levels of GABA are raised. This is a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes you feel more relaxed. Alcohol also boosts the release of dopamine. These results tend to lower a person’s inhibitions and make them do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. Like cheat.

  1. A Desire for Multiple Sexual Partners

Arrogance and the need for validation can also lead someone to cheat. The study, mentioned above, cited men as more likely to list physical reasons for cheating. This may include curiosity about physical or emotional affairs, or the pure enjoyment with the idea of having multiple sexual partners.

  1. Situational Cheating

Sometimes it isn’t a desire to cheat that leads to infidelity, but a loss of sense of self. It could be that one spouse has developed a serious illness, has recently become an addict, or lost a loved one in death that has caused them to stray.

One interesting study on age found that those who are ages that end in a 9 were more likely to seek an affair. Basically, those approaching a milestone birthday such as 30 or 50 may begin an affair as a result of a mid life crisis.

  1. Falling in Love with Someone New

Cheating or being cheated on doesn’t mean you are in an unhappy relationship – but it’s a sure-fire way to create one! But sometimes a spouse does not mean to cheat. It may be that they have developed a friendship with someone new and, without meaning to, begin emotional cheating.

This emotional connect may then lead to love, which could drive the married spouse to engage in infidelity.

Why do people cheat on their partners? The reason varies. Some may enjoy the thrill of being in a new sexual relationship or got caught up with emotional cheating. Whatever the reason, cheating should not be tolerated in a marriage.



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Are Human Beings meant to be monogamous by nature or not?

By Alycia Gordon

Staying forever with our one and only better half is what most of us dream about. Once you find the elusive ‘one,’ you cannot imagine letting them go. Building a relationship with roots of loyalty, faith, and trust – the idea of each partner going elsewhere for sexual gratification is out of the question.

From around 5000 species of mammals including human beings, only 3 to 5 percent tend to form monogamous, lifelong relationships. Monogamy is when two people make vows to each other. They promise to stay together and never indulge in sexual contact with someone other than their primary partner while polygamy is the practice of having more than one sexual partner at the same time.

You would be surprised to know that a committed partnership between a man and a woman has not always been the universal norm. Humans carry the evolutionary imprint of polygamy. The practice of monogamy initiated only around 1000 years ago.

Types of monogamy

As for human beings, there are two types of monogamy:

Sexual monogamy: This is when a couple remains sexually active exclusively with one person.

Social monogamy: When two people live together, find resources in co-operation with each another. They raise their children together, but they have flings with other people as well.

Needless to say, this defies the moral stature that is formulated by the societies today. Families are considered as a prestigious institution of the community. Uncertainty or confusion of fatherhood is a given in cases of polygamy. This may result in deterioration of moral spectrum of children.

Are humans sexually monogamous? Not Really.

To state that human beings are wired to be monogamous would be a false statement. It is entirely unnatural for human beings to stay attracted to a single partner for the lifetime. 80 percent of the early human societies practiced polygamy. The system evolved with the passage of time, and now modern societies firmly believe this shall bring order in the communities.

Varying impulses

At this point in time, only 17 percent of human cultures are monogamous. It is stated by anthropologists that only 1 out of 6 societies implement monogamy as the rule of marriage. While some anthropologists also believe that human beings could either be polygamous or monogamous. Impulses for each vary according to the individual’s cognitive levels. At times resembling mixed dementia, the sexual urge a person feels is constantly modifying.

Stephanie Coonz, a History and Family Studies professor at Evergreen State College, provides cultural patterns as the determent of monogamy.

She says:

“We are trying to figure out how to combine long-term romantic relationships with the plethora of opportunities for other forms of sexual or romantic entanglement, and different people are making different choices.”

Coonz asserts that it is the culture which determines their inclination, neither biological construct nor genetics.

A Latest Human Development

Monogamy, as we find is a recent practice of humanity. It is a societal recreation of present times. Men and women, as per the statement of David P. Brash, seek multiple sexual partners for numerous biological reasons. It is only a social construct that shaped as a response to the need for child-rearing, financial and material security.

Monogamy – pros and cons

There are some benefits associated with the practice of monogamy as well as some disadvantages that could be detrimental to the communities. The biggest gain from monogamy is the stable brought-up of children. It could sometimes be a marriage of convenience where partners stay together for the sake of their children.

Nonetheless, monogamy brings in certain demerits too. At times, it forces a person to commit infidelity or cheat on their partner. They cannot resist the sexual urge to some people, and they find unfair means to gratify their needs. Almost 90 percent of Americans think cheating is morally wrong. However, ironically, 70 percent have just thought about cheating while 40 percent actually committed cheating on their better halves. Frustration and boredom are not uncommon in monogamous relations.

According to an NBC survey, usually at some point, most of the people would cheat on their partners:


Troubles with polygamy

There are uncountable examples of how people escape a monogamous relationship due to their attraction towards someone other than their partner. This behavior is the demonstration of the innate polygamous tendencies possessed by human beings.

Polygamous attitude, on the other hand, is also followed by complications. A person may feel jealousy, fear of losing out, intense competitive vibes and various ugly emotions gather up within. Dealing with them is a next level struggle in itself.

To keep oneself secure, psychologically sound and serene; it is often recommended that a couple stays loyal. Lifelong commitments would mean there is honesty between two people. The care and love for their counter-part would keep them away from sustaining sexual pleasure elsewhere.

Last words:

In a nutshell, human beings are not exactly monogamous by nature. It is a product of social construct, but as long as it brings communal stability and satisfaction to the individuals, it should be continued in the same pattern. Polygamy and monogamy are two sexual orientations which may vary from one person to another. Each makes a choice according to their norms. Sometimes, while repelling the normative influences, they find themselves at a place that keeps them happy yet makes them lose their stature in society.

Alycia Gordan



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