Carbs, oh carbs, how I love thee. Let me count the waist. – Kenneth Goorabian

Dear Seventeen Magazine,

I have bad skin, I’m frustrated with chubbiness, and can never decide what to wear. Oh, and I have too many shoes. What can I do?

p.s. I’m a 63-year-old man with an inner critical teenage girl inside.


Fat and Frumpy


Dear Fand F,

I have three tips sure to help you.

  1. Clearasil
  2. Get off the couch
  3. That’s why God made leggings and oversized T-shirts
  4. Send me all unwanted footwear

Why do I go kicking and screaming into old age? When does the madness end?

Today, while my wife and I were walking, complaining about age and desire to lose weight, a woman chugging up the hill the other way said to my wife, and I paraphrase, “Your legs look great. You’re my ideal.”

Considering my wife only sees cheesy thighs and crepey skin when looking in the mirror, you can imagine her reaction. Beaming is the word. She could live on that compliment for weeks.

So, when you’re feeling less than perfect, just remember: Your nightmare is someone else’s dream.

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I’ve finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”



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