waiting and not waiting (epiphany is coming)

there's an epiphany coming, but it hasn't arrived yet. 

I'm waiting and not waiting, all at once. not waiting and waiting. 

gathering sources. sitting with the not-knowing-quite-what-yet. being. 

I know it's on its way, I can feel it. and after it arrives I'll have known it all along. 

(or: that's usually what happens. maybe not this time. we'll see.)

(we'll see.)