Myth #1, Part V. Pickup Answers A Shadow In Feminism

19 May

Pickup teaches there’s nothing wrong with a man treating a woman like a woman… even if she can open that car door herself.

A Shadow 1970s Feminism Cast

By the way, let me make clear here that feminism is fantastic. I’m grateful for it. Our culture is better for it.


It makes me laugh when I hear a woman say she’s not a feminist. Feminism isn’t bad. Unless treating both men and women like human beings is bad.

We needed to learn women are NOT the second sex. Women can do the same exact things men can do. We needed to open avenues for women so they could go to college, have careers, not just stay home and make babies. They showed us women and men are absolutely EQUAL.


The message behind the original feminism was good: women can do the same things as men. Both are human, both are equal, both sexes must be treated with respect.

But here was the problem.

That brand of feminism (from the 1970s) seemed to relay this message: men and women are the same, that’s why they’re equal.


Here was another shadow 1970s feminism cast: 1970s feminism seemed to only include white women of the middle and upper classes. Current feminism includes women of all races and classes.

Let me say that again.

Implied was the sense men and women are the SAME. That’s why they’re equal. The intent was great. To fight oppression of women, to give women equal rights as men. But in the realm of sex, this was a disaster.

Men began to feel “sexist” if he treated a woman like a woman in the realm of sex and dating. He feared opening a door for a woman meant he was a chauvinistic pig. He felt badly if he desired a woman. He didn’t know if he was supposed to pay the bill, whether that meant he was now saying women weren’t independent. He wasn’t even sure if it was sexist taking the lead on the dance floor.

Women expressed some grievances, too.

They found men seemed to act less like… men. Sure, they were “nice.” They were more sensitive than the macho jerks. That was refreshing. But women found these nice guys weren’t exactly turning them on in the bedroom either.

Something was missing. Something like a spark. Maybe even electricity.

So yes, women were going to college, becoming doctors, lawyers, CEOS. Excellent! They were becoming independent. Awesome! Less dependent on the man to provide for her. Fantastic! She would even cut her hair short, burn her bras, and grow armpit hair. (Um, er…)


Feminists burning their bras in Toronto, 1979.

Meanwhile, men were going out to the woods, growing their hair long, learning to cry, getting in touch with his emotions, staying home to take care of the baby, learning to become more nurturing.


By the ’80s movies were coming out where men played the traditionally feminine role. “Mr. Mom” starring Michael Keaton in 1983 is an example.

You might say men were getting in touch with their feminine side, women in touch with their masculine.

I know I’m probably sounding like a broken record, but this is a POSITIVE. Getting in touch with the feminine or the masculine within makes us more three-dimensional human beings.

But without returning home to our native masculinity or native femininity, things get confusing in the realm of sex. Two negative poles don’t create any magnetic attraction between magnets. Two positive poles don’t create electricity in a battery either.

Similarly, with this idea of “sameness” sexual electricity between men and women becomes muddled. There’s just… neutrality. NEUT(ERED)-ality.

How Pickup Answers This Shadow

Enter pickup.

Pickup builds on 1970s feminism. The idea is yes, men and women are equal but that doesn’t mean they’re the same.

We’re different, but equal.


From China: the yin-yang symbol. Yin (the dark) is the feminine, Yang (the light) is the masculine. But dark didn’t mean evil and light didn’t mean good. The idea was more like, during the day we’re active, during the night we rest. We need both for balance. Again, the masculine and feminine are different AND equal. As well as complements.

Difference is great. We need variety in the world. But difference doesn’t mean superior vs. inferior or better vs. worse. Why are we so either/or and black and white in the West?

Difference can mean just different. Better yet, it can mean complements. Complements that NEED each other… complements so if we get rid of one, we get out of balance. It doesn’t have to be a battle between good and evil.

So, sexually men and women are not the same. That doesn’t take away from the equality. We still share in the same humanity.

But in terms of sex, we NEED difference to create sexual electricity. Much like we need a positive and a negative charge in order for energy to flow.

Again, the message behind pickup: men and women are different AND equal.


From India: Shiva (masculine energy) and his consort Shakti (feminine energy). Like the yin-yang symbol, this image says the masculine and feminine isn’t worse or better than the other. They’re different, but equal and complementary.



Here’s an image showing the difference between Shiva and Shakti: Shiva (masculinity) rests like DEATH and sits back (detached-like) to witness universals. Shakti (femininity) dances with energy like LIFE, and is engaged with particularities (which allows for relationship). One is not better than the other. Both are important, both equal, both need the other. Both men and women are capable of and need both.

Here’s another message underlying pickup: It’s okay to be a man! It’s okay to desire a woman. It’s okay to take the lead on the dance floor. It’s okay to treat a woman like a woman. To make her feel beautiful and desired.

So, “Why do men have to learn how to be a man?”

After that needed revolution by 1970s feminism, a lot of guys weren’t sure anymore what it meant to be a man. They even feared being “masculine” because they didn’t want to a misogynistic jerk.

Pickup gives guys permission to be masculine while treating a woman as an equal. It shows a guy how to take the lead, how to be a protector, how to be funny and flirty. In order to create some sexual electricity! Pickup also teaches a guy how to be more sensitive and empathetic, treating women with utmost respect. He must leave a woman… and every person he comes across… better than he found them.

In that sense, pickup isn’t just self-development, it’s a cultural evolution. When pickup is done right (and I know it’s not always done so) it’s a movement that can help men–and perhaps our culture–evolve to a higher step.

Thanks to 1970s feminism we’ve evolved from the macho jerk to the Sensitive Man. Women evolved from the Submissive Housewife to the Independent Woman. Now it’s time to take the next step in the evolution. For men: to be sensitive but also to have a spine. For women: to be independent but also to be beautiful and feminine.


I got this idea of the “third evolution” from David Deida’s book “The Way of the Superior Man.” It’s important for men to evolve to the final stage: be sensitive but also to have a spine. That’s what pickup must teach.


The next evolution for women: strong and independent, but also feminine.

Manipulating, bullshitting, or lying has nothing to do with the true goal of pickup.

Let me close this myth (that pickup is about manipulating, bullshitting, and lying) with one last point.

It has to do with male desire. How it’s okay to desire women. And how pickup harnesses that desire in a healthy way…

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Posted by on May 19, 2015 in Home, Myths about Pickup


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