My toddler has an imaginary friend. Is this normal?

Richard Gilham

Child psychologist

Don't worry, your toddler is not only normal, she's also very creative. Her new "friend" is a product of her imagination and is someone she can explore the world with.

In fact, research suggests that children who create pretend friends are highly sociable and enjoy interacting with others. So when there's no one around to play with, they make someone up!

Having an imaginary friend is one way children learn to distinguish between good and bad. For example, your toddler may blame her friend for misdeeds, saying "Mia" made her spill the milk or pull the books off the shelf.

If she uses her imaginary friend in this way, take her explanation at face value and help her clean up. But be sure to gently remind her of the rules of the house.

Don't make a big deal about it when your toddler mentions her friend. This means neither contradicting her ("Oh, come on, stop pretending!") nor grilling her about it.

There's no reason to make her feel funny about talking to someone who doesn't exist, but think twice before incorporating her friend into your world. If you do, she may feel she has to continue the friendship for your benefit.

In the meantime, let your toddler enjoy the company of her friend. Before you know it, she'll have grown out of this common childhood phase.
Last reviewed: June 2017

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My little girl keeps saying she can see a black lady and nasty girl. She is 3 in just under 2 months and has been saying it for a few weeks now. She doesn't like her and up until yesterday she had always seen her at home but yesterday nursery told me she got quite frightened and wanted to go inside and hid behind her nursery workers leg because she said she could see her. She said that my daughter was just stood starting at a certain part of the playground for ages and when they asked if she was ok this is what she said and then got scared. It's worrying me a little bit now as I don't want her to be scared. She makes me stay with her until she falls asleep every night and then wakes during the night and I end up having to bring her in my bed. I'm not sure if there is any correlation here. When she first started waking she would mention the naughty girl but she doesn't really mention her when she wakes now but she still wakes terrified. Is this normal? Thank you.

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