Temper, temper — you know what I am talking about — the moment your normally sweet, well -behaved child has a meltdown and transforms into a force that should not or cannot be reckoned with.

I’m talking about a temper tantrum.

If you have an older child, you may be an old pro at handling temper tantrums, after all most children have them at least sometimes between the ages of 1 to 4. While they are less common in older kids, they still happen…especially if you have a child with Juvenile Arthritis.

Why would JA contribute to increased anger and fits of rage?  Because Juvenile Arthritis creates many of the same conditions that cause temper tantrums at any age.

Temper tantrums are often a result of  frustration, unresolved anger, or lack of control. They are also considered normal when something prohibits a young child from gaining independence or learning a skill.

Other contributors to temper tantrums include:

  • Stress
  • Fatigue/ Lack of sleep
  • Physical/Emotional problems

Coping with Juvenile Arthritis increases the incidence of ALL these triggers, and includes a few more. In addition to the standard causes of temper tantrums, many JA children also take medications notorious for increasing mood swings and emotional irritability.

Some of the worst medication offenders are the drugs within the family of corticosteroids, used to decrease inflammation. Prednisone, one of the most common corticosteroids, is routinely used in the treatment of Juvenile Arthritis, and has been known to cause mood and cognitive changes in those who are taking them.

So here lies the dilemma. As a parent of a child with JA, where do you draw the line? How much unacceptable behavior do you excuse, and chalk up to the medications, pain, stress or frustration directly caused by their disease, and how much do you demand that your child take responsibility for his/her actions?

It’s a very, very fine line.

It is important to recognize that these outbursts, at least for the time, may be out of the child’s control. However, this doesn’t mean that a good reason for the temper tantrum automatically gives them carte blanche to act as they please.

So what is a parent to do?

There are a number of things that can help.

  • Don’t take it personally. It’s not necessarily a reflection of your parenting skills, but rather a result of the situation.
  • Take a time out if you need it. Yes, YOU, the parent. These types of outbursts and tantrums can wear down the hardiest of souls. Taking a step back can make the difference between handling the situation well, or giving into your own meltdown.
  • Give them time. Let your child have the time they need to work through their feelings, and compose themselves. Addressing the issue in the middle of a full- blown tantrum rarely solves anything.
  • Plan ahead. Understanding what caused the meltdown may help to avoid another one in the future. Acknowledge their feelings, and give them a safe, acceptable way to vent.  Try to reduce triggers such as lack of sleep, fatigue or stress when possible.
  • Recognize the root of the problem.  If it is an emotional issue, don’t be afraid to seek outside help

Understanding the cause of the tantrum can affect how the aftermath of the outburst should be handled.  If the meltdown was a result of temporary mood swings from medications, normal standards of behavior should be relaxed, but still enforced. While this doesn’t mean a “get out of jail free” card, it means that we as parents have to recognize that for a time, some things may be out of their control, and therefore issue a gentler type of correction than we would typically administer.

Despite the cause of the tantrum, it is still important for our children to realize that their words and actions can affect those around them, and every action, good or bad, sill has a consequence. Any less, and JA will become a crutch or a go-to excuse for less than desirable behavior.

At some point every parent deals with their children’s temper issues. How we deal with them is what makes the difference!