Wednesday, November 14, 2012

3 Reasons I'd Win a Fight (A Bitchery Triad Post)

Some of you may have noticed that the Bitchery Triad hasn’t seen action for a while. Well, don’t cry, because we’re back! Possibly forever, maybe just for now, who the hell knows anymore.

Anyway, while we’re here, we’re doing another blog link up, in which each of us will write our own three reasons why we’d win a fight. I think it’s important to note that we do not mean “a fight with each other,” because there's no way in ten hells we would ever fight.

We're tight, yo.

I also think it’s important to note that the fight in question is hypothetical. No one is actually fighting anyone, as far as I know, although when we say “fight,” we totally mean “with an actual person,” and not “against the forces of evil,” or whatever. (Although I’d totally win that fight, too).

Without further ado, here are the three reasons I’d win in a fight. (After you’ve read them, you can go ahead and read Christina’s reasons and Cari’s reasons).

1) I Bite

Totally. If you ever get in a fight with me, keep your shit away from my mouth cause I will bite the hell out of it. I'm not afraid of your diseases. My white cells carry rocket launchers.

I haven't had my teeth sharpened, but don't tempt me.

2) I'm From West Virginia

We rough it 19th century-style out here, growin' our own veg, killin' our own meat, wrestlin' bears, and knife-fightin' cougars for fun. I am not making this up.

She is totally making this up. ~ Art G.

Seriously, though, I could break you in half, city slicker. But I'd be neighborly about it, cause we're old-fashioned like that.

3) I Will Climb You Like a Fuckin' Tree

No matter how big you are, you're not big enough. I'm a rabid fuckin' squirrel-ninja. Do not piss me off.

I know 17 ways to kill you with this lollipop.


  1. Hahaha, squirrel ninja. I'm going to call you that instead of wonderboobs from now on, it's precious. You're a bad ass, hence why I align myself with the likes of you, or y'uns, in WVA speak.

    1. It's y'all, y'uns is Smoky Mountains dialect.

      But thanks, Brow.

  2. As if biting weren't scary enough, you had to include a pic. That is exactly why I would never fight you. That and I don't mess with West Virginny-uns.

    1. Very wise of you. I like how I'm the only one who interpreted the assignment to mean actual physical fighting. That's reason number four I'd win.

  3. LOL your white cells carry rocket launchers??? Awesome.

  4. I would never ever ever EVER fight you. LOL. Just in case you were thinking about it...I give up in advance. I'll have that lunch money for you tomorrow I don't want no trouble...

  5. Your list was much scarier than Cari's. I had no idea WV got down like that.

  6. 'I'm a rabid fuckin' squirrel-ninja' should be on a t-shirt or maybe a sofa pillow.

    1. I know, I really need to take up cross-stitch. That's what it's called, right?