Monday, November 22, 2010

I Could Have Died. Or Worse- Someone Could Have Seen Me!

Here is one of this week's prompts, from Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop:

"Forget Thanksgiving, write about that time you fell down."

I'm on it.

A little while ago, I decided to wear heels to work (I wanted to impress all of the ladies in the lunch room with my sexy strut).

This was a few weeks after my leg collapsed for no reason. But I was feeling pretty confident, since I hadn't experienced any reoccurring paralysis.

Also, I was wearing a new shirt.

I owned that office.

At the end of the day, I stood up and stretched. Time to go home. I gathered together my belongings (which always end up strewn across my desk, no matter how hard I try to contain them), and headed out the door.

I thought about taking the elevator, but decided against it. Why not use the stairs? I could get in my exercise for the day, and practice my seductive walk. BONUS.

....It was a bad choice.

I took one dainty little step, and my leg collapsed.

I rolled down an entire flight of linoleum stairs.

I could have died.

Or worse- Someone could have seen me!

My body came to rest against the dirty stairwell wall. I lay there for a second, wondering how the hell I had survived.

Then gingerly, I sat up and began to assess the damage. Nothing hurt very much, and there were no open wounds. I hadn't hit my head, and nothing seemed broken.

...Except my pride.

My new shirt was dirty, and sticking slightly to the gray patch of who-knows-what that was smeared along the wall.

Perfect. Just perfect.

I stared at my foot for a second, waiting for an explanation.

It wasn't asleep. There was no numbness, and that pins and needles feeling was jarringly absent.

Shaken, I stood up, and looked around. The downside to not having an audience is that no one is there to pick you up.

After a minute, I braced myself, and put my foot on the ground.


I added more weight, daring it to collapse. But it felt just as strong as ever.

Of course it was.

Sighing, I began to gather the contents of my purse.

I haven't worn heels since.


I would like to thank The Empress, for introducing me to Mama Kat. Without her, this story would never have been told.

(at least, not today)



Van said...

My gawd, woman! Glad you're okay! I keep waiting for this to happen to me at work since I take the stairs and hobble around in heels.

It hasn't yet...but I do get made fun of for how ridiculously slow and cautiously I walk down stairs to "prevent" this. (One step did you in though, I'm morbidly clumsy so it can happen to me, too!)

Before I end this rant I want to say I'm wearing size 7 1/2 heels when I am a 7. The shoes are too loose and I've been walking strange all day to keep them from sliding off. Many accidents were narrowly avoided.

Damn female's shoes. Damn them to hell!

Kristina P. said...

I'm embarrassed for you! I was wearing sexy hooker boots last week, and fell in the parking lot. No one was around, thankfully.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Bwahahahaha!!!! That is hilarious. You know if I had been there I would have laughed. And maybe peed my pants with laughter. ;)

beka said...

Oooooh heels can be a real beast. :P
I stick to the not-so-high ones, and they've done me well for a while.

the thrifty ba said...

why oh why arent there security cameras in the stairway?

Kimberly said...

What the heck is wrong with your leg? Does it have a mind of its own and just decide when it wants to work and when it just wants to take a nap. Weird. So weird.
I bet your pissed that your new shirt was ruined. I'd be. Stupid heels and bum legs.

Heather said...

Wow! I am glad you are ok too. Quite the story. I fell once out on ice while 8 months pregnant. Had to be rushed to the pride issues as I wasn't trying to strut it or wear heels in thick ice, but I was extremely concerned for my son. I thought his head was on the side where my hip hit the ice. It was a very scary situation.

Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

Shell said...

And that is why I will not wear heels.

MiMi said...

Okay. Seriously!! The same thing happened to me, only it was carpeted stairs and I wasn't wearing heels!! AND! My friend was behind me and saw it all. She said it was like slow motion.

viewfromdownhere said...

Wow...I'm glad you are ok! That could have been serious!

Anonymous said...

Well if a youngun like you can fall down some stairs, wearing heels....I'd better not even try them on level ground any more. I have a trick knee(don't know what else to call the sucker, as it only collapses when it wants to, Tricking me) and not a dang thing I can do about it. Not a fan of surgery, so pain killers will have to suffice.
Glad you're ok! Be careful!

JeanHasBeenShopping said...

Eiiiyyyyiiiiyiii! Are you ok? What's the deal with your leg?

Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

I think you should insist your work install bumper pads on the stairwells like they have on bowling lanes.

But in all seriousness, I hope you're okay!

Chantel said...

Oh dear... I'm so sorry! That sounds so painful and horrible. Glad you're okay! I wonder why your leg hates life? Have you talked to dad about it?

Chantel said...


Laural Out Loud said...

If you're going to fall down stairs, you did it the right way- no injuries and no witnesses!

Lady Jennie said...

Oh shucks. Every time I fall there are always witnesses.

The Empress said...

Did your leg collapse???

Or get caught?

Since you are my baby girl, you have to tell me

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