Book worthy of checking out: Bare Minimum Parenting

Here is the link to the book on Amazon:

I find the title a turnoff! However, as I read the description I realize that this book is probably overdue. I have seen parents who dote too much over their kids. Of course, given that I grew up with WWII parents who wouldn’t have dared become “my kid’s best friend.” This was simply not done back then! A generation (or two) later I was seeing overly involved parenting as more of the norm.

It was very hard for me to accept that there is no real right and wrong when it comes to parenting style. I was disgusted when I saw parents becoming their kids’ best friend. I thought, at the time, it was unnatural and likely was harming the kid. However, my viewpoint was colored by my own upbringing.

When we are brought up a certain way we tend to believe that our way is the normal way. Why? We have nothing to compare to. I know this narrow-mindedness tends to extend to later on when we parent our own children, and then, look upon other parenting styles with disdain.

I know also a small handful of children grow up knowing they are being parented well outside of the norm. Some children grow up in alcoholic families where one or both parents drinks. I wonder at what age these kids suddenly realize that not all parents drink like that.

I have known kids who grew up in violent families also. I have the same question here: When do you figure out that not all families are violent?

Or, on the other hand, does the child end up assuming all parents are bad, or abusive by default? What happens when the child grows up? I’m thinking here of some of my ex-therapists who worked very hard to convince us patients that we had been either abused or neglected. They were pushing their idea on us that parents are the root of all evil (oh no, it couldn’t possibly be the therapy, drugs, and incarceration!). When the patient reports any minor thing that may have happened during their childhood, the therapist suddenly says, “See? See? Your parents abused you.” And yet if we mention the horrific things that happen in the lockup joints, these very same therapists will justify the abuse. “It was treatment,” they will say.

Still other therapists aren’t emotionally capable of handling a patient’s horror story. Perhaps it it too painful to hear and people do not like pain. They will smooth over anything the patient says. They will excuse a parent’s or spouse’s bad behavior. Mainly they do this to soothe themselves and to support their own ingrained belief that all people behave well, that the person in front of them only perceives certain people as cruel.

This also extends to patient stories about past providers and treatment centers. Therapists do not like to hear your horror stories and will often excuse the other providers’ unethical or illegal behavior. They want to uphold their own profession, because they can’t handle the emotional turmoil they would feel knowing that their profession isn’t so stellar. It’s too painful for them to realize that they, themselves could possibly be doing any harm. They’d rather call the patient sick and wrong than accept reality.

I have not read this book but it does look like an interesting read. I’ve seen parents that pushed therapy on their kids by default and I think that falls under the category of “overparenting,” but then again, times have changed…sadly.

Feedback and comments welcome!