A lawyer has posted a video of himself beating up a log outside a Dubai court in a laudable attempt to promote his legal services.

RoF legend Altaf Hussain is the chairman of Birmingham firm Addison Aaron and a titan amongst LinkedIn runts. He has previously compared himself to James Bond (badly) and threatened to gun down a court (jokingly) and has now taken things up a notch.

In a LinkedIn update this week he told followers that he was outside a Dubai court "warming up to smash this case". He then beat up a log which never stood a chance:


Hussain revealed that a typical day involved emails, thinking how he will "smash every case", pumping his "guns n abs" and eating two kebabs in a row. 


The lawyer posted photos of the most sweaty parts of his day as he punched, kicked and gurned his way through the gym, while still managing to crush an inspirational quote. Cue Eye of the Tiger.

    Duh du duuuuh 
     Duh de duuuuuh
     Duh duh duuuuh
     "Eye of the Tiger, bum bum bum bum"

End Eye of the Tiger.

Hussain also used LinkedIn to reach out to his followers with heartfelt appeals:


On the subject of desperate marketing, Hussain lambasted other lawyers who bleated on about their awards:


Which was ironic:


Especially because he was only shortlisted:


In another valiant attempt to drum up business, Hussain uploaded a video explaining that "cases are won by investigating matters fully, right to the bottom. Gold is not found on the surface. One must dig, dig, dig". So true. Channeling Alan Partridge, he continued, "if you want to win that case, it’s important that you find a lawyer who is willing to go the extra mile. Sometimes the extra 10 miles, because going the extra mile is not always enough".


Hussain can also play the tough guy:


*Consequences may be less drastic than advertised.

But how does a self-made workaholic spend his birthday?

  Nowt more bling than ordering a pizza to your desk.

Although a warning to the ladies, this playa ain't for playin:


Hussain also quite rightly noted the significance of his mastery of grass.


On a serious note, he advised people to listen to their doctors.


Or don't. And just blow on your tumours instead.


He also slammed the youth of today for being too busy on social media. As opposed to LinkedIn which is more grown-up.


Although in a meta update, he reminds us that nothing he posts really matters (phew):

Tip Off ROF


Anonymous 09 February 18 09:54

I kinda like him to be honest.

His typical day looks joyfully lightweight. Quite like the idea of the 2 hour gym and pool session an hour after getting into the office...

Roll On Friday 09 February 18 10:20

I was a bit concerned with his cancer treatment - blowing on it and saying prayers or whatever. Was it that senior man at Apple who avoided treatment for a year (and later died) and said he wished he had not wasted that year just going for natural remedies.

Anonymous 09 February 18 10:32

"The burgers from America and the Paella from Spain must now exit my body with immediate effect." TMI, Altaf.

Anonymous 09 February 18 13:16

Fckin legend.

Love this guy. He's clearly taking the piss with some of it. I'm not sure who his audience is.

Plus, he has a decent kick. So I'm not sure I want to ask.

@0850: since when did not taking yourself too seriously/having a sense of humour ever stop one from qualifying?