Wednesday, September 01, 2004

September Blues

Where does the time go?
Yesterday was a bad day. Again.
What brought this on you say?
My point in posting this on here?
Probly goes the same the world over.

3 thoughtful remarks:

The Hesketts said...

I had a friend once tell me that the first 7 years of marriage are the hardest, and that if you can struggle through, it becomes so easy. Let me say that after making it through 5 years now, it is starting to get better ... it's still not great, but definitely a hundred times better than it was during the first couple of years. On our first anniversary, Brooke asked me if it seemed like we'd been married a year already. My response was that it seemed like a 100 and that I was surprised we actually made it to a first anniversary! Having children so early in the relationship makes it even harder. You never got a chance to know the other person as an individual before becoming parents. Parenting takes over everything.

As Darius gets older and some of the constant responsibility begins to ebb, you'll look back on these days as an unpleasant memory (notice I didn't say that you'd forget these days, because I know I certainly won't forget the early struggles). I know that Brooke's and my fights are almost always about child duties (I think I do it all and he doesn't). I have since learned to back off and instead of TELLING him what to do, I ask him if he would mind ... Now, personally, I don't care if he does mind, but he's a lot more willing to do what I ask vs. what I tell him to do. This may have nothing at all to do with you and Chance, but try using different approaches with each other. Obviously, the ones you are using with each other aren't working.

Please, Amber, think long and hard about calling it quits. As a stepmom to Emily, I see what problems are created when a child is shuttled back and forth between 2 families. Anytime you want to talk, just let me know!

Nietha said...

Previous experience has taught me not to get into the middle of relationships. But there's always that debate... what's best for the individuals in the relationship and what's best for the child(ren) and if there's some way to compromise.
Yes, it's hard on a child if their parents aren't together. But it's also hard for them to grow up and see their parents fighting all the time. Regardless, life is hard, no matter the situation. No one has an easy life.

I don't think anyone can say "after x number of years" something will get better, as though there's some magic # or magic answer. What if you had been together 7 years before getting married? You still have to wait 7 years before it's running smoothly? Not to trash on Shannon's comments, but it seems silly to say, "ride it out, it will get better because it has to".

I'm no expert on relationships, but if you have been honestly trying again and again to make things better and they are not improving in the slightest... what's the point in banging your head against a wall. Yes, no one would want to give up on a marriage or break the family up or cause heartache for their child(ren), but there's a limit to everything.

And frankly, if the immaturity displayed by such a blatant baseless threat is what one has to put up with... that's a huge frickin sign in my book.

Perhaps it's time to treat the relationship like a business and draw up a plan or a sum of assets and see who is putting in what, who needs what, and which areas are lacking. There are two people in a relationship and both should give equally. Honestly and non-emotionally, lay it on the line. If you can't manage to converse verbally, write letters. (I highly recommend written communication... allows each party to share without interruption and to think about what they want to say and how to say it, as well as soak in what the other has said before replying. No yelling, no fighting, etc.)

No big decision in life is easy, and that's why you haven't made it yet. Take your time. If the both of you truly want what's best for all three of you, you will find a way.

I don't think less of either of you and I hope you guys can be happy again soon.

Nietha said...

As well, no matter what happens, I'm sure it would not change the fact that Darius would have his entire family on both sides surrounding him in love.