See It Coming?

It could be happening right now

If you're drifting through a cold, shaky marriage, watch your back: 75 percent of divorces in this country are initiated by women, according to Sam Margulies, Ph.D., J.D., a divorce mediator and author of the book A Man's Guide to a Civilized Divorce (Rodale).

"In most cases, one person reaches the decision to divorce long before the other person has any idea things are going wrong," says Margulies, who takes a dim view of trial separations. "The unhappy spouse offers the idea of a temporary separation to ease the blow, but it almost always leads to divorce." If you're headed for the big D, follow his divorce advice:

Make a list

Make a list of everything you want to do. Then burn it. "A guy's worst enemy in a divorce is his impulses," Margulies says. Don't listen to your instincts or your friends. And don't become hateful; the emotion you should strive for is indifference toward your ex-wife.

Call old friends
A sign of a good divorce is when couples rebuild separate social lives within 5 years of the split. Margulies notes that men typically don't have a host of intimate male friends, so they're likely to feel lonely. Here's some good divorce advice: Reconnect with your best pals.

Make her happy
That's right—do what you can, within reason, to ensure that your wife does well in the divorce. A happy ex-wife equals happier children, which will smooth the path for their—and ultimately your—future.

Don't leave it all to the lawyers
In his experience, Margulies finds that if lawyers hash out the details of a settlement, half the time the couples are fighting again in court 2 years later. Yes, it's tough to face her when custody and child support are at issue, but a settlement worked out between just the two of you is more likely to succeed.

Mediator clause
Put a "mediator clause" in your separation agreement. This means that if you get stuck on an issue, you're both obligated to return to mediation and not get the court system involved. It can save time, money, and aggravation.
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