Shaking Hands – Not Just For Dads Anymore

Shaking hands with people is part of being an adult.  It’s not just for dads and old dudes.  People need to get used to this because it’s a normal thing for adults and business people.  Don’t be a weirdo and offer your limp hand to a stranger while mumbling something that sounds like it might be a name as you stare into the abyss that is your iPhone.  You’re an ass.  Stop it.  Shake hands like a grown-up.  People my age don’t seem to understand the value of a firm handshake while making eye contact.  People my age don’t seem to have any people skills at all.  People my age are assholes.  For real, y’all… grow up.

A proper handshake tells others that you are confident, professional, and not a complete pariah.  A weird, fumbling, limp, gross handshake tells people that you are an idiot who can’t even figure out how to hold your own hand out for shaking.  Why are you so stupid?  Perhaps, I should say, “You dumb, why?”

Shaking hands isn’t just about manners; it is a sign of your self-image.  I meet a lot of new people in both of my jobs, and introducing myself like an adult is a big part of that.  People like when I look at them.  People like when I can grab their hand confidently and properly greet them.  It’s how you learn names.  It’s how you prove you know what’s going on around.  It’s a way to gain respect.  It’s a way to connect.  It’s how you do this shizz.

Be an adult.  Shake hands.  Look at people’s eyes.  Stop texting and look say your name clearly.

Don’t look like a douche.

Don’t be a dead fish.

Just shake hands like a real person, you hag!


PS – I typed this while my finger was bleeding a lot, so it’s extra special!