Goop Babies

You guys will be pleased to know I have a bedroom door now. And a living room. Dining room. Hallway. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT? Yeah, I can't either. Mostly because the thought of going home to it right now makes me want to curl into the fetal position and scream at God. <dramatic>

Dude. I don't have air-conditioning. I was a sport at first, I was. I was all, "Oh, now come on. It's just cold air. I can live without it."

NO. NO I CAN'T. Screw you, cool, collected, level-headed Krista. SCREW YOU. I hate you and your guts. I realize I can't take this rage out on my apartment. The apartment itself is fabulous. Perhaps it smells a touch like cat food (PERFECT!) (JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED!) (WILL DO WONDERS FOR MY REPUTATION AS A CAT LADY!) (ELEVENTY!) (OK, sorry. That last one was pointless. I got caught up in the moment), but it's lovely. What I really, really hate is this fucking weather. Why. WHY? Must it be 90-thousand degrees outside right now? WHY? I can't breathe just thinking about it. So other than that hot mess, all is well.

Speaking of air-conditioning: I took the window unit out of the window in my old apartment only to watch in horror as what appeared to be the unfertilized yoke fetus of a science-fiction alien-child glob gooped its way out of the vent and onto my carpet. And yes, it DID need to be described exactly like that, so I hope you weren't eating. You need to experience the same horror I did when this placenta sack of goo plopped out of my precious air-conditioning unit, single-handedly scarring me for the rest of my life. No, I still have no idea what it was. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet it was, in fact, an unfertilized yoke fetus of a science-fiction alien-child glob. But I lose bets, so who knows. But I shit you not, it was the most awful, disgusting thing I've ever witnessed. Ever. In the whole world. So all of you with portable A/C units in your windows, RUN. Away! NOW. Because seriously. There are Goop Babies living up in that shit.

omg help... /deletes life\

Seriously. I'm scarred.

Soooo... *twiddles thumbs*

What can we talk about NOW?

Who's hungry?