We get it. You are so busy you need to have phone conversations in public. Forget about being rude at the check out counter or about how many people turn their heads because they wonder what you are laughing at. Instead, go ahead and be self absorbed.

For everyone’s sake though, please avoid these seven conversation topics when you are in public.

1. Dating

Good for you. You’re a grown person and you went on a date last night. How about keeping your personal life personal for a change and not letting everyone else in the store hear you? No one wants to hear about how your girlfriend is getting annoying because she leaves her stuff all over the bathroom. Your date was super creepy? Also, don’t care. If you need to complain about your personal life to your “bestie” do it when no one else can hear you.

2. Children

Congratulations. You had sex at least once in your life and spawned offspring. While you are waiting in line at Panera, no one wants to hear about how your son peed in the toilet for the first time or about how he took his first steps last week. Once again, this is personal information, and you should really keep it to private areas where others can’t listen in.

Oh, your youngest child is graduating college? Even more boring. He’s an adult now, so stop having phone conversations focused solely on his boring and pathetic life.

3. Period

While dating and children are definitely annoying, this subject is just downright gross. I mean, no one wants to hear about the lining of your uterus coming out in a bloody mess. Everyone understands you are in pain and feel like eating 30 cupcakes, but complaining about it while in public just makes everyone feel bad. Just because you are feeling awful doesn’t mean you need to bring the entire room down.

4. Sex Life

How do you like when the 70-year-old man in front of you is talking about how he enjoyed the night before so much his hip went out of alignment? Now, imagine you are the 70-year-old and just stop. Not everyone has an active sex life, so hearing about yours is super inconsiderate. By the way, that new position you tried sounds downright terrifying.

5. That Dead Body

So you murdered someone and you’re at the store picking up a box of heavy duty garbage bags, duct tape, and a chainsaw. You’re probably better off not talking about the details on how you intend to chop it up and scatter the bags in the ocean because you saw a few too many episodes of Dexter. If the people in line around you wanted their kids to learn about how to dispose of a body, they would teach that lesson themselves.

6. Genocide Plans

Now you’re just getting careless. You may be proud of your brilliant plan, but talking about it in public is a surefire way to get caught. After all, this would be a terrorist-level threat, which means Homeland Security would be investigating you after everyone hears your phone conversations. If you did have a chance at pulling it off before, you don’t anymore.

7. Pets

No one wants to hear about your dog.


Have you had any of these phone conversations in public before? What other conversations are completely inappropriate to have on your phone in public? 

Additional Images: Pixabay/Kaboompics





Joseph Macolino
Joseph Macolino