To the ships that sailed…

…what if?

Maybe I have a type or maybe it’s just my luck. My past relationships started with the boys convincing me there was a chance for “us”, until I was totally sucked in and in love. That’s when things started to change. Turns out, once you’re over this “challenge” phase of any relationship, you get complacent because there’s nothing to chase. Unlike with relationships that just grow into something beautiful, some people simply love the thrill of the chase than the expectation of love and commitment. In the process, you lose interest in the said relationship and person who once make your heart skip a beat. Finally, to you losing each other in the bargain too.

With one relationship, it could’ve been bad timing. With the second, I would’ve sworn all men are selfish bastards. With the third, I’m beginning to think it is a pattern. Something would shift in these relationships – in hindsight – was it me? Now that I find myself in this dilemma with the heart and mind again, what if we had worked out our differences or indifference all those years ago? Would I find myself in the same situation over and over again?

What if we didn’t let the fights lead to days of silence, and avoided our conflict? I am no love guru but what if we tried harder to make things work instead of allowing our emotions of hurt and rage turn into indifference. At the time, being independent and egoistic, the little things don’t stand out as crucial to making or breaking the relationship. Today, in hindsight, that obviously was the tip of the iceberg.

How did we go from being on the phone for hours to getting irritated with simply having each other around? How did never-ending texts turn into unanswered conversations? Even the biggest boats rock in the storms but they hold on to their anchor, and come out victorious for the the sunshine after the storm. What if we never dropped our anchor and sunk before the boat even hit that iceberg?

What if we tried a little harder? Would we save our ourselves from each other? What if we ruined our chance at finding love because of how we broke each other all that time ago? What if I never find my heart again because of the way I broke it in the past?