Why Is Everyone So Down on Winter?

People say winter is the most depressing season, but compared to the other seasons, winter doesn’t seem so bad.

Spring: Spring is supposed to be the season of love, but in my experience, it is the season of divorce. It is also the season of my second divorce and my third divorce.

Summer: In the summers when I was a kid, no one wanted to play with me, so I had to stay home all day and listen to my parents argue about which of them would have to spend time with me. “Just drive him out to the desert!” Mom would always yell. “YOU drive him out to the desert!” Dad would scream back.

Fall: One October day in 1986, I slipped on a freshly fallen leaf and hit my head. When I woke up it was summer, 1991, and my goldfish, Dr. Bubbles, had long since lost his battle with fish cancer.

See? Winter is actually the least depressing season. Except if you think about how the cold weather forces you to stay inside. Sometimes it’s so cold that instead of going to the grocery store, I just stay home and eat dog food. Other times it’s warm enough to go out, but I eat the dog food anyway. I have never owned a dog. Winter gives me insomnia, so the nights I can’t sleep, I stare into a mirror and say aloud the mean nicknames kids called me in elementary school. One name they would call me was “Jazzy Susie.” On my way to work today, a truck ran over my foot. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound would come out.
