

Archive for the ‘emerge’ Category

Emerge Through Experiments and Experiences

An Accident Became an Epiphany

All day yesterday, I had a strange feeling things were about to change drastically. It wasn’t a feeling of fear, but rather, anticipation. Late in the afternoon, I washed my hair so I could get it dry in time for dancing, pushing the uncomfortable feeling in my gut aside. Before you start to yawn, bear with me. The story gets more interesting than “girl washes hair”.

This time, I changed things up a bit. I used a different leave-in conditioner, thinking it would help straighten my normal mane of frantic curls. Then I threw my hair over my head and started blow drying it from the underside. When I stood upright, I realized my mistake, or maybe not. The curls had taken on a life of their own and cascaded in wild, but strangely appealing disarray.

It would be shameful to contain something this lively. I thought to myself. So I threw caution to the winds, and refrained from corralling the mayhem as I typically do. (This is where it gets interesting, I promise).

Hiding to Emerge

I found I felt much free-er, less buttoned up than normal. (OK, so those who know me in the dance community would probably cast some doubt on the “buttoned up” description, but I’m typically more reserved than anyone realizes). For some unfathomable reason, the loose and crazy hair made me less inhibited and more able to just get into the moment with joy and complete abandonment. Could this be the butterfly effect Sue Monk Kidd spoke of? Have I been hiding; waiting; growing?

Sure, it meant pushing the hair out of my eyes a lot and standing under the fan with it scrunched in my hand to dry the resulting sweat, but overall, it was so…can I really say it? Empowering. Wearing my hair loose gave me both a place to hide and a place to come out of hiding. Does that even make sense?

Maybe it’s a lot like the language of fans women used to learn. There’s a certain freedom. A certain devil-may-careishness in a wild mop of hair flying helter-skelter as I spun and pranced. (Yes, I really was prancing around last night, having the time of my life).

Do We Unknowingly Put Constraints Upon Ourselves?

Is this really all there is to it? Is loose hair the key to loosening up and giving in to the moment? Did it make me more approachable than my typical pulled back styles? Only time will tell. But last night, I talked to people more easily, and they to me. That has to count for something.

Tonight, the experiment will alter a bit as it’s impossible to get the crazy, corkscrew curls without wetting my hair again. Tonight, I’ll try it straight and see if the effect is the same. Could the angst in my last post simply be my own, to this point, inability to completely let loose? Guess I’m going to find out. Stay tuned for more letting-my-hair-d0wn moments.

So Much to be Grateful For

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I’m grateful for successful experiments and unexpected epiphanies.
  2. I’m grateful for excellent dance nights full of energy and joy.
  3. I’m grateful for friends in the dance community who both feed and feed on my energy.
  4. I’m grateful for my ability to continue changing and growing, even in small, seemingly insignificant ways.
  5. I’m grateful for abundance: dancing, love, life, joy, friends, release, passion, peace, harmony, philanthropy and abundance.

Blessed Be


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