Jargon Buster

Jargon Buster!

''Agricultural Hockey'': a style of play which involves ferociously hooshing the ball up the pitch at such a velocity that it is hoped will bypass at least 5 defenders.  Often described as "hitting and hoping".  Most suitable on gritty surfaces.

A ''Coffey Break'': catching up on the non-hockey events of the weekend, or just the gossip generally, at inopportune moments during training, and in particular between drills.

The Five Rules of the ''Passing'' (pronounced "Possing'') Game:
1.  Pass;
2.  Protect;
3.  Pivot;
4.  Precision;
5.  Pass

A ''Lip Hassett'' or a "Slasher Kelly: a mild Terretts-like on-pitch episode which involves discreetly uttering a variety of expletives and making rude gestures which are directed towards the coach. Generally triggered by phrases such as "you're too slow'' or ''quick free, quick free, quick free''.  Slasher Kelly's also tend to be fond of terrier-like stick tackling.  

''Pivoting'': a style of play inspired by Britney's, Circus which involves playing the centre of a pitch ''just like a pivot''. Popular among self-important centre midfielders.   ' Pivoting'' should not be confused with ballerina style twirling: pivots must stay solid on their two feet and and rotate only on their strong side.

''To be ready'': a combination of state of mind and physical composure; focus and posture.  The word ready should not be uttered whimsically  or indeed quietly. Often used in a repeated interrogative sense: REEADYYY?; REEADDYYY?; REEADYYY? 

''To love exercise'': an obsession with physical activity  fuelled by impending nuptials. Prevalent among Brides-to-be, but a continued love of exercise during the post-matrimonial honeymoon phase is not uncommon.

By Katie Byrne