Posts Tagged ‘zippo’

Santa None the Less

In Festivals, humor, Office humor on December 25, 2013 at 05:00

‘What’s wrong with a table clock?’ You say having never bought into the secret Santa gimmick.

‘Nothing, if it was 2012,’ says Karen, obviously more sold than you.

‘You mean a table clock is so last year?’

‘Not the gift, but Nitin’s designation has moved up in life, leaving cheap gifts and open cubicles behind.’

‘Just give it now, isn’t it the thought that is supposed to count?’

‘It is but not in office.’

If you had a dime for every time you heard that, you wouldn’t need to work in an office in the first place. But you have accepted it as a fact of life, as routine as complaining about the traffic and doing nothing about it.

Annual events remind you that you are still here and nothing much has changed except the date. What changes is how badly you want to break free and the time available to you to execute this jail break, both of which are on a downward spiral.

‘The thought should count for something. Like 40%,’ you say, still not convinced about the designation theory.

‘Let’s just say that the thought is only table stakes, you need to back it up with action.’

‘Man, this is gonna be painful. How about a fancy lighter?’

‘He doesn’t smoke.’

‘It is never too late to start,’ you say dryly.

‘We have ten more minutes, then my vacation starts. Do it or Secret Santa flops,’ Karen was serious.

‘A Wine Set?’

‘Too informal.’

‘An actual bottle of wine?’

‘Too expensive.’

‘A box of rum balls?’

‘Too predictable.’

‘I give up then.’

‘Don’t you have something…non-narcotic?’

‘Not in office.’


‘Can’t think of anything…flowery right now.’

‘Good bye then, see you next year. Merry Christmas!’

‘Secret Santa my ass!’ you exclaim.

You get back to work trying to ignore the sad looking cotton balls masquerading as snow and the thin guy from accounts posing as Santa. Working through it seems to be the only revolt of some semblance against what you feel is just another shopping festival.

Christmas Mall

*Gift for Nitin* continues to stare at you from the top of your to-do list. But you just can’t get around to the formality. At 8 pm on Xmas eve; it is just you, Nitin and his name on the list that are left in office.

Alone in an office at night, an FBI agent sifts through files.

You decide to confront him, walk straight into his newly acquired enclosure, wish him and leave. He sees you coming a long way away and waves you in. But you rush back to the desk and put that zippo lighter you never used into your pocket, just in case.

Zippo ad kids

‘Long day eh?’ he says

‘Yeah, just like any other. Hey, can I help you with something?’

‘Oh no, I’ve…I’ve got it covered, thanks,’ says Nitin in a smile too big to be true.

‘I plan on being here quite some time. Why don’t you head home to the kids on time for once?’ you offer.

‘The kids are not at home…I don’t have custody for the holidays,’ says Nitin still smiling.

‘I’ve got nothing waiting for me at home either,’ you say pulling up a chair. Secret Santa still has a chance.


– J.