

Day by Day

We walked into the darkness
Blinding the bestowed gift

People fell before our sides
And yet, cold blood is what it was

Only the wretched hope
Laid within our bloody grasp

The once ideal promise
Captivated our fragile hearts

Nevertheless, all decays
Into that tale told in the past

Life leaks its own hidden wounds
Never knowing if we’ll return

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 


I like this poem a great deal, but it does need tweaking here and there. The second Stanza doesn't quite make sense, maybe you could say something like ' the population fell before us, in cold blood.'

In the third Stanza maybe you could find another word for bloody since you used blood in the second Stanza.

Apart from few tiny tweaks, I enjoyed the poem


Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

"we dreamt into the blackness
blinding a bestowed gift

crowds fell along us
cold blooded is what it is

Wretched Hope
has Lain within our blooded grasp

where once ideal promise
( thinned captivation )
bore our hearts

and the tale beating
flees to its past

while life lies leaking
staining down the ground
of possible returns..."

There my rebuilt of this poem
for me I see it like watercolours
or pastels

and here i am with my Parker pen
scratching in lines
and smudging shade

I like the poem
but rewritten as its told here
it can shift to something
else and dwell
on another view
another colour hue

thank You
