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Flexi schooling

(40 Posts)
SallyB392 Wed 27-Nov-19 10:43:09

My daughter and her husband have 2 children, a girl (11 and in year 7), & a boy (7 in Y3).

My granddaughter is a well adjusted youngster, nice group of friends, and doing well at school.

My grandson is a totally different child. He doesn't have a diagnosis but is probably somewhere on the Autistic spectrum, (not surprising as many of our family are)! He is exceptionally bright, though doesn't always achieve to his potential because he doesn't enjoy school.

Now, this little boy isn't happy at school, never has been, physically he struggles (he is tiny and finds it difficult to join in the physical side of things), he isn't bullied, and has a small but settled little group of friends. He gets on well with staff and children alike who accept his little quirks.

But its just not working, he finds school boring, he wants to learn more about History, the environment, he wants to explore (he does this at every opportunity), he worries about animals, children from undeveloped countries, the ocean, global warming, (this last year he asked Santa to adopt a donkey on his behalf, became vegetarian, has been writing to government, greenpeace and religious leaders about his concerns you get the picture).

My daughter, her hubby, my granddaughter all support him and extend his learning opportunities, he attends school clubs and after school activities such as Beavers, swimming etc., but quite apart from this he is unhappy. He struggles with his health (nothing serious, just every bug going), tires easily, and becomes emotionally stressed very quickly.

So there you have it, a potted background, anyway my daughter is looking into the possibility of her educating him one day a week. Her plan would be for him to attend school 4 days a week, but to concentrate on focussing on extending his learning to other areas whilst linking into the school curriculum so that there would be no danger of his dropping behind, but he wouldn't get so tired, perhaps reducing the number of absences due to viral illnesses. His GP is supportive of the idea.

Has anyone else done this? And how did you go about agreeing it with the school?

Nannarose Wed 27-Nov-19 10:50:36

Quick reply as off to appointment. I arranged this several times during my work as a Health Visitor / School Nurse. In those days, the Education Authority had liaison officers for exactly this situation. I would begin with with (of course the Head / Class teacher) then the Education Authority and School Nurse.
It may help to look at the local Education Authority website as they should have more specific info .
I should add that I retired 10 years ago!

Gonegirl Wed 27-Nov-19 10:51:36

He sounds an absolute darling of a little boy.

I have never heard of anyone doing this so can't give advice. I think, tbh, I might worry that he might miss things on the day he is away from school. And his friends might wonder why he is being different to them.

I think I would continue his schooling as it is now. It is quite normal for children to seem to be tired all the time, and to get every bug going. Your daughter is doing all the right things with the outside activities. He has is friends. Some children just are not lovers of school.

I don't think I would change anything. He sounds super. You must be proud of him.

GagaJo Wed 27-Nov-19 11:12:36

Not sure how that would fit in with preplanned schemes of lessons. If he missed the work in one lesson that was needed for the next lesson it would be hard for him.

UNLESS his mum/whoever prepared him for the missed work.

If I had my time again (and could afford to not work), I'd home school. And I'm a teacher!

Ellianne Wed 27-Nov-19 11:20:21

He sounds like a busy busy boy with lots going on. Your daughter is right in thinking that he needs some down time each week in his hectic schedule, maybe to just sit and stare and relax. I'm not sure that removing him from school is the answer as that might not be good for his routine and feeling of security. Gonegirl is right that he would start to feel different from all the others, would miss out on class activities and might even lose friendships along the way. Maybe fewer clubs is the answer so as not to over stimulate him at age 7 years. Then he can gradually decide where he wants to channel his energies.

SueDonim Wed 27-Nov-19 13:30:41

Are your GS's parents pursuing a diagnosis for him? Maybe they need to start there. They could also explore alternative schools.

I'd be quite concerned at a seven-year-old taking on such adult problems as you describe. He ought to still be living a care-free life but he sounds a rather anxious child.

I don't know how part-time school would work but good luck in finding a way round this.

BlueBelle Wed 27-Nov-19 13:52:29

I do also think it’s so important to fit in and by being off one day a week would he stand out as different and get teased or miss out
I do so agree with suedonin is it good for him to be worrying so much about the world ( which is a bugger of a place at the moment) so much misery on those little 7 year old shoulders doesn’t sound good he sounds overwhelmed by it all when he should really be out playing and messing and not knowing too much about the adult problems

Gonegirl Wed 27-Nov-19 13:58:48

There are some good magazines for children that would feed his interests. A subscription makes a good birthday or Christmas present. Just google magazines for children.

Please don't worry about him taking on the worries of the world! It's great for him and won't overload him. I bought a "sponsor a toilet" for people in the third world. They get a certificate they can frame and display. Anything like that is excellent for kids. Encourage him. smile

Gonegirl Wed 27-Nov-19 14:00:55 Toilet twinning.

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 14:09:28

I think that the first thing to do is get an educational assessment. This could be done through the school or you can arrange one privately. Your GS sounds as if his ability level is somewhere in the range for gifted children.

45 years ago I had just such a child, He met your description of your GS almost point for point, although autism wasn't in the frame, although he was dyspraxic, which means problems with fine motor control, like writing and sport.

I have often wished I had either home schooled or flexi schooled him and I would not hesitate to do so today.

Missing lessons will not cause a problem as he will quickly grasp any concepts he has missed.

SueDonim Wed 27-Nov-19 14:14:53

Sorry, Gonegirl but I don't agree that 7yos should take on the worries of the world or that it won't overburden them. Two of my GC live in America and it's utterly heartbreaking to hear them express their fear that they might be gunned down in their own school.

Children have to know something of the adult world but it needs to be tempered and be only a small part of their lives at this age.

BlueBelle Wed 27-Nov-19 14:32:57

Gonegirl he’s 7 there’s so much time for him to worry about world things it isn’t just about buying a toilet that’s so dismissive
sally says he’s worrying about children in under developed countries, animals, environment, global warming it’s one thing to have an interest in these things but she uses the words ‘worrying’ and that he’s ‘unhappy’ a 7 year old should be having fun and oblivious he sounds bogged down with cares and worries if he was 12 /13 I d say good on him for taking an interest but 7s a time for fun and being carefree not so anxious that he’s writing letters to the pope and green peace Poor little chap it must be frightening for him
If you do take him out of school for a day I d do some outdoor pursuits with him climbing trees walking in woods Finding pond life in streams, being at one with nature, gardening, growing his veg for his vegetarian diet etc anything other than compounding his fears with letter writing etc

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 14:49:01

SueDonim & Bluebelle you cannot stop children, not even really young ones being unaware of what is going on in the world, nor shut down discussion where they are curious. Some children will always be aware of these things at a precocious age

My interest in politics and news started when I was 4 and by the time I was 6 I was concerned about the Cold War and the show trials in the newly communist occupied Eastern Europe countries. My DS was similar and I have a GS, now 9, who was bringing up moral and philosophical queries by the time he was six. I can clearly remember having a discussion with him at that age on the morality of eating meat. He is aware and concerned about global warming and was one of the children interviewed when the local tv station came to his school to talk about the issue

Fortunately he is surrounded by adults who respect him and will discuss serious issues with him at his level. It doesn't stop him being a perfectly normal little boy who is football mad who wants to work with animals when he grows up.

Gonegirl Wed 27-Nov-19 14:52:52

That is totally different Suedonim. You must see that.

It's good that this generation of children are growing up to be aware of what goes on in other parts of the world. And to be caring.

Calendargirl Wed 27-Nov-19 14:58:45

I agree with some of the other posters that he seems far too concerned about issues that seven year olds just shouldn’t be worrying about. What will he be like at 17? It’s no wonder that in the last few years so many children seem to suffer with mental health problems, if they get so worked up about things that they cannot control. They are children, not mini adults.

Calendargirl Wed 27-Nov-19 15:01:47

AndGonegirl yes, we all want ‘caring’ children, but not angst ridden, stressed out ones who will have time to address such issues when they are older and mature enough to cope.

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 15:12:36

Calendargirl I think what you are saying is insulting to children who do have a precocious interest in current affairs and express concern.

All the ones I know have grown up to be perfectly normal caring adults with no mental health issues at all. Showing a concern about world problems does not mean being angst[ridden and stressed.

Take the children seriously and discuss their concerns does far less harm than being talked down to by adults telling them not to worry their little curly heads about these issues.

BlueBelle Wed 27-Nov-19 15:13:01

Exactly calendergirl It’s brilliant to be interested in animals environment global warming , underfed kids but it needs fine balancing so it doesn’t turn into complex anxiety
My friends five year old is so interested in animals insects and the land in general far beyond his age , but he has such fun doing it, has a wormer, keeps chickens, grows pumpkins and can talk about every kind of insect and bug around I m sure as an older child he will learn all about the problems of over farming, pollution, animal cruelty and global warming but for now his interest is kept as fun not super anxiety

Calendargirl Wed 27-Nov-19 15:19:04


Well, he sounds to be an unhappy, worried little boy. If his precocious interest is making him feel like that, it isn’t doing him much good.

BlueBelle Wed 27-Nov-19 15:20:46

But Monica sally says he is unhappy, emotionally stressed, and worries about many things beyond his own little world surely that’s far more than being interested and enquiring and would be a big concern if he was my child
Life needs balancing between fun and seriousness this little chap sounds as if he is bogged down by anxiety and teaching him some positives and fun is very different to patting him on the head and telling him not to worry

Sussexborn Wed 27-Nov-19 15:25:26

Is he around when the news is on tv? I ask because my son was somewhat younger but horrified when told to tell a policeman if he got lost at the carnival. “They punch and hit and kick you”. He’d been in the room when foreign riot police were on the news and obviously taken in far more than we realised. Much more difficult now with hourly news bulletins. Easy enough then not to have the earlier news on at all.

Really sad for a seven year old to be so angst ridden at such an early age.

Is there a homeschool group in your area? When I was volunteering at a local museum a group of home schooled children visited as a group. Apparently quite a regular occurrence. It seemed to be run a bit like a cooperative. The children were very polite and very caring of each other with the older ones patiently helping the younger ones to buy pocket money toys.

Sussexborn Wed 27-Nov-19 15:28:42

Seriously wish I could correct my own posts! Irritating when preview gobbles up posts so has to be avoided, then you spot silly errors!

Gonegirl Wed 27-Nov-19 15:29:18

I can't see where in the OP it says he is unhappy. He doesn't like school. So what? A lot of children say that. He gets on well with staff and his friends. He sounds normal to me.

I'm not even sure you can pick and choose how many days a child attends. Surely, once he has been given a place he has to make full use of it. Most schools aim for 100% attendance.

Amagran Wed 27-Nov-19 15:39:51

SallyB392, you don't say whether your GS's parents have spoken to the school. I would suggest talking to the class teacher to get their opinion and also talking to the Head and the SEN co-ordinator.

My GS has similar problems, though he is not for the main part unhappy, though he was in the first primary school he went to. Now he has a very sympathetic Head, class teacher and SENCo. The school is very supportive of such children and therefore attracts them which adds to the feeling of community and fitting in.

It might be that though the school served the older child well, it may not be the right one for your GS.

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 15:50:41

You cannot change a child's essential nature. If a child is a worrier they are a worrier. My DS was/is a worrier. His life was full of worries when he was small. In fact when he started in junior school he was asked to write about himself and he wrote:
'I have fair hair and blue eyes and I worry a lot'
but it hasn't ever, at any age stopped him living a full and happy life. I always discussed his worries with him and gave him help and support where needed it.

This is the best anyone can do.