A little shipboard humor to brighten your day

By Patti Pietschmann Travel Diva

Photo of ships in St. Kitts by Richard Pietschmann

During decades-long travels I have heard some of the funniest– and as stated in the headline– dumbest, questions posed  by cruise passengers.

A favorite is, “Where does the crew live?”  This often calls for a humorous response such as, “we tow them on the back of the ship.”

A weighty issue

Another is, “Will I gain weight on this cruise with so much food around?” Hmmm. No good answer to this except, “Only if you eat too much.”

Another popular and pretty dumb question is “Where is the microwave in my cabin?” In that same vein, “Why doesn’t my microwave work?” The people saying that are trying to nuke food with the safe.

Nude bathing?

Photo by Richard Pietschmann

More times that you can imagine passengers planning to take a snorkel or beach tour ask if they need to wear a bathing suit. Hmmm. No nude beaches on this itinerary folks.

Ironing out the kinks

A few, thank goodness not many, passengers have been spied in the self-service laundromats ironing clothes they are wearing. Wow.

Seeking shops and elevators ashore

During a shore excursion to a water village in Brunei on a Southeast Asia cruise a female passenger decked out in a little skirt and high heels asked if it was worth getting out of the bus to see the village. “I mean are there any shops,” she said earnestly. When told ‘no’ she elected to remain seated.

On a shore excursion to the Mayan Ruins in Mexico’s Yucatan more than one passenger has asked where the elevator was to get to the top of the pyramids. No joke. The structures were built long before Otis made his invention.

What time’s the midnight buffet?

While this no longer applies, passengers often asked, “What time is the midnight buffet?” Alas those late night spreads do not exist anymore. And the answer was midnight.

Why is a ship referred to as a she?

A not so dumb question posed to an erudite captain once was, “Why is a ship referred to in the feminine?” To which he replied,” Because like women’s breasts when a ship hits waves its heaves.” Actually there’s much speculation but nobody knows for sure why ships are she’s.




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