Tag Archives: phobia

2012 Fear of God

When you are a child and you are told that there is an ‘all seeing god’ that is watching you in every single moment of your petrified existence, what do you eventually grow toward such invisible policeman in the sky? Fear.

I have explained before how my belief in a God as an all seeing guy that could eventually communicate through other ‘delegates’ through mediums – and ventilate my little-secrets in front of my family- became a driving-fear within my every day living. I feared being watched all the time, I would go into a mix of fear, guilt and anxiety for doing something that I considered was ‘wrong’ in the eyes of ‘god.’ More than fear of ‘God’ itself as this omnipresent-omniscient, omnipotent, and even apparently omnidirectional ethereal being that ‘God’ was supposed to be, I feared the consequences of doing/ saying something that would make him mad/ angry at me. I eventually became watchful of my every step and thought in order to ‘not piss off God’

When looking at this point, I can see how ever since I became aware of this god-point and wanting to, in essence, ‘be liked by God’ in order to ‘get a reward back’ later on in my life for it,  I created a personality of being a ‘good girl’ that is accumulating golden coins through benevolent acts and benevolent thinking, just so that I would not have to face the point that I actually feared, which was ‘The wrath of God.’ Hell knows how I even got that idea of ‘God’ being a wrathful being if you didn’t stick to the line of being a ‘good fella.’ However, I stuck to the code and I kept track of my thoughts and actions from the starting point of fear.


Even at the peak of me realizing that such faith in God was plain brainwashing, I still held this idea of a greater force that could eventually come back and obliterate myself I one sneeze if I just kept doing everything that I wasn’t supposed to do – or that I would eventually be punished by having hundreds of future-lives living in misery. Fear became the driving force for me to ‘behave well’ and be a ‘good neighbor,’ just because of keeping my own score at the eyes of God.


Of course I would not talk about this with anyone – my belief in the afterlife and the white-light beings watching my every step was ‘My secret’ and no one was supposed to know, because apparently I was privileged and special – along with my family – to have such protection which, somehow, in the elitist realms of heaven not anyone could have access to. I mean, I would essentially mock Catholics that would go to church believing that god was in some flour-chip drenched in wine. Yet, I believed in all of these long-ass rants wherein the heaven and stars was given to us in order to keep the faithfully deceived ‘happy’ by being ‘special’ and having this super spiritual protection from the white brotherhood of God- lol. I remember some of those ‘sessions’ at my house with some of those mediums, having to hear a seemingly endless list of names of death people that had been lurking around my house,  that were apparently ‘given light’ in that moment to ascend. The sheer thought of having invisible death beings around me was something that scared me a LOT – however it was all part of the idea that such death souls were lost for a moment and had found some  “light” in our house, LOL



‘God’ as the reason to Stop Self-Abuse

How I have observed this pattern of fearing God and using God (or Baby Jesus for kids) at least here in Mexico and within the culture that I have seen around me, is using it as the perfect excuse to threaten beings to ‘have good morals’ and ‘act in the right ways.’ As I just explained to this wasn’t the type of ‘resource’ used by my parents in order for me to behave.  My mother would rather use the idea of monsters or any other ghastly creature for the same purposes, and I can say it worked the exact same way.


So, here specifically with poor people– which is a great majority in this country –  and people living in rural areas in México, traditions, family and religious values are the basis of their upbringing and education.  Faith and devotion form essential ingredients of their family-values wherein if the mother / father finds no way to show their children why they must behave or do something, they turn to god and use it as an excuse to do as they say:

“If you don’t do your homework, baby Jesus will start crying!”

“If you take drugs and alcohol, our holy mother will start crying”

“If you beat your wife, you will sure have to explain your deeds to our holy father once you are on your way to hell”

And so, people are easily conducted through using God – or any deity for that matter – as a point of fear in order to ‘tame’ human beings to behave well, to do as they are told and eventually become docile beings that are then considered ‘faithful’ because of how supple they have become in order to accept ‘the word of god.’


Within this idea of ‘God’ being an omnipotent being that decides whether you live or die, go to heaven or hell, but is also able to give you extra-powers to do stuff that you are apparently unable to do by yourself,  God/saints are used to, for example, stop/ quit a certain addiction.

In my family, people that have drunk for probably half of their life, one day – after a car accident or having someone dying in a car crash due to being drunk, or seeing someone dying of alcoholism – they decided to ‘swear to the virgin that they won’t drink again.’ And I have been amazed by how they do live and respect that ‘swearing,’ which goes hand-in-hand with the same fear that they were brought up with from childhood, wherein ‘God’ as the policeman in the head is the one thing that they respect and obey above all, even above their immediate ‘authorities’ like parents/ family members.


And this is not limited to only ‘rural areas’ wherein the catholic roman church holds the hegemony of people’s lives for the most part. In the streets of one of the busiest avenues in Mexico City, one can see painted virgins graffiti-style on the walls wherein messages are apparently given ‘in the name of the virgin’ in order for people – mostly males in this case – to stop drinking, to come home early after work and not take/ indulge into drugs; to keep their money for their family instead of squandering it in ‘gaming’ a.k.a. gambling, prostitutes and buying alcohol or drugs.  And you might think that such an image with those words would have no effect on people, but it actually does. This goes hand in hand with the level of cultural indoctrination wherein in a hypothetical situation, people can be fighting to death and yelling the hell at each other – but if a church, priest or virgin or anything related to their belief could suddenly emerge around them, they would simply stop, appease, maybe feel remorseful for a moment and probably even stop their confrontation.

How come we have delegated our common-sensical ability to stop for a moment to look and realize what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be and become, only through the belief or idea in some magnificent being that is watching over our heads?


Why have we required a savior to exist?


The point is realizing how beings that take on points such as stopping addictions by ‘swearing to the virgin’ could essentially realize that they are walking a decision to stop any addiction by themselves, by their own will. However, it is as though they require this ‘God’ idea no matter what, they believe that something ‘extraordinary ‘ is giving them the necessary strength to overcome their addictions.


The reality is that each one could easily see that you don’t require the idea of a loving-caring invisible being in order to take on responsibility for stopping an addiction, for example. The only reason why the idea of god/ saint/ invisible force to be the mediator for you to keep your word, is because we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to trust ourselves through proving that we can actually do, say and live that which we say that we will.



‘God’ is not required to ‘keep going’ through life.

The moment that the belief in God was finally debunked within me, part of the downward spiral experience was because of realizing that I wasn’t living a life for myself, as an actual living expression and self-caring consideration. I was only living a life wherein I could accumulate a great score in order to satisfy ‘God’ and have a kickass afterlife experience that could, apparently, compensate for any bitter taste that I could have experienced while ‘being alive.’ This is how we go living our lives waiting to die, accommodating ourselves and directing ‘who we are’ based on a divine system of punishment & reward which eventually affects all our decisions in this world. And it is absolutely ludicrous to see how if there was no ‘god’ as a police-force within millions of beings, things could be even worse.

However, religion as this ‘untouchable law’ within people is nowadays becoming more ‘light’ and only remains with such ‘power’ in poor, small towns/ cities that are very traditional and still hold a blind-faith toward all-things ‘God.’ Once that money steps in the scene, things change. And proof of that is seeing how the narcos/drug dealers who are essentially poor people that get involved into dealing drugs for the good money it represents, they still hold their belief in a ‘god’ or ‘saints’ – yet what they now do is forging the image or name of the deity of their choice in their 24k gold-bathed guns that they use to give the ‘sure shot’ to someone. Somehow saints are now involved into taking care of criminals, doing the best they can to exterminate those that dare to challenge their heavenly drug-lord business.


Prescinding the Policeman in the Head

No matter what cult people are in – they have this authority-figure that they fear ‘letting down’ with their actions/ words and that’s how the bondage of religion is woven.

So, instead of having to submit ourselves as human beings to an idea of such god-policeman in the head, to keep it as a constant reminder of ‘why we should do onto another what we want for ourselves,’ we can simply understand that this it the way to direct ourselves in this world – and live it. Why is there the need to rely on a religion/ belief in order to ‘do well’? Is it that only through beliefs in invisible deities we are able to realize our actual potential and determination to do something, to stop a habit, to become self-responsible? No, and I have proven this for myself.

Once that all the fear of god is gone and there is no aspiration to get to a heaven, what remains is Earth, as grounded as it can be wherein you realize that everything you do, you walk according to what you see/ understand is best for yourself = best for all day by day.


The God concept as the policeman in the head, can be prescinded as it serves no purpose other than keeping people bound to a certain religion that is then equated as ‘that which gives them force to continue,’ without realizing that such force is not given by an almighty god, but has always actually been here as ourselves, we just were too coward and gullible to think that we required someone else to endow it to us.


Common sense overrides all fears – this is how we walk in this world then, fears are irrational and have no other purpose than limiting our living expression in the moment. We are witnessing how fear has become the actual source of mind control in our reality: we’ve done it to ourselves and it’s time to stop for once and for all.



Check out people’s fears and participate exposing/ sharing your fears and exposing how irrational they are #FEARWEEK


La Furia de Dios (God’s Wrath) 2005


Why having a savior is such a great idea?
Desteni – The Little Promise Left – AntiHate 2 – Face Your Fears

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