Given that Conor and I are choosing to take a lot of more untraditional routes in pregnancy, birth and child raising, as we do in life in general, we have been receiving a lot of curiosity from our followers on social media. One of the many topics we are passionate about is individuality and self expression. To us it feels important not to choose a gender for our child.

In today’s post, I will be sharing why I don’t plan to raise my child with some assumption around a gender role they should adopt.

To start, I don’t feel that there are worthwhile gender roles in our society to adopt, nor do I feel there are many “roles” or templates that our society has set up that I wish to adopt or encourage others to adopt as they are. I actually cannot think of any such role.

I have a desire for this being I am currently carrying in my womb, for me, for you, for everyone to be encouraged to be whoever they truly are and want to be, and/or to have a blast figuring this all out on their own journey and then to share that beautiful, unique being with the world. 

I don’t see how gender is helpful in this at all, and I see so many ways that it is unhelpful. I am very eager to support my child in whatever they know is right for them. I imagine there are elements of expression that our society may recognize as being familiar through some expression of a certain gender role, which my child will express, to varying degrees, on various days.

I don’t believe they will need a word or a label to define who they are or to have a sense of self or to thrive, to feel loved, to feel empowered, to have an epic life. They can make it all up as they go along. And I imagine they and the world with be such a more beautiful place for it.

Meanwhile, I feel through my experience with the world (as well as Conor’s and so many other people I know and have heard from), feeling confined to a gender designated to us has felt limiting, to say the least, and sometimes deeply traumatizing.
Conor and I both enjoy being unique beings. I don’t feel I need a word to describe my “gender,” some social construct that really has nothing to do with me and is not of my creation, though since it’s often helpful to use words to share about how we are feeling, I feel that words like “gender-nonconforming,” “gender-anarchist,” “non-binary,” “gender-queer,” “queer,” “gender-neutral” all feel accurate enough for how I would describe myself in that area at this time.

There are so many ways to refer to a being that do not suggest a gender or stick someone into a box that someone else has created for them, or more accurately, that everyone else they interact with will have their own assumption of what it looks like. I am eager to play around with fun ways to share about them with others, and for starters imagine I will just use their name when talking about them :).