Banana Republic of Paquador

República Bananera del Paquador (Spanish)
Flag of Paquador
Motto: "Patria o la Tumba"
"Fatherland or the grave"
Anthem: La Patria Vive
The Homeland Lives
Location of Paquador
Location of Paquador
and largest city
Official languagesSpanish
95% Catholic
GovernmentBanana republic under military dictatorship
• President
Waldo Gustavo Prat
LegislatureMilitary junta
Independence from Spain
• Declared
14 May 1811
• 2018 estimate
GDP (PPP)2019 estimate
• Per capita
GDP (nominal)2019 estimate
• Per capita
CurrencyPeso (PAP)
Time zoneUTC-4 (UTC)
• Summer (DST)
Driving sideright
Calling code+595
ISO 3166 codePQ
Internet TLD.pq

Paquador, officially the Banana Republic of Paquador (Spanish: República Bananera del Paquador), is a small, landlocked country in South America.

With a population of 4 million people Paquador is the smallest nation in South America in terms of both area and population. It has one of the worlds poorest and smallest economies with 90% of its people liveing below the poverty line. It has a high corruption rating as well as the worst income equality rating in the world. The nation's economy is primarily agricultural. Paquadorian society has extremely stratified social classes, with a large impoverished lower and working class which is primarily agricultural and rural based, and a ruling-class plutocracy, composed of the business, political and military elites of society. Wealth is concentrated in the country's urban centers and in the hands of a few prominent families. Due to this Paquador is the birthplace of the pejorative term "banana republic" .

Following independence from Spain at the beginning of the 19th century, Paquador was ruled by a series of authoritarian governments who generally implemented nationalist, isolationist and protectionist policies. In the early 1900's the country entered a period of military dictatorships, that lasted until 1992. This marked the beginning of the "democratic era" of Paquador. Throughout its history Paquador has consistently endured much social strife and political instability, and remains one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere and is notable for never having a single peaceful handover of power throughout its 200 years of history.

Paquador is famous for having the worlds longest national anthem, the highest number of coups throughout its history as well as having guinea pig as the nations favourite dish. Its national football team is more famous for their horrendous haircuts than their skill at the game and the country has a navy despite being completely landlocked.


Pre-Columbian history


Independence and 19th century

Portrait of Generalísimo Francisco Manuel Escobar, Libertador of Paquador
Portrait of Gaspar Ortiz, Libertador of Paquador

Due to its remote location and poor economic output Paquador was never very valuable to its colonial masters and never a target of other nations ambitions. With the independence of neighbouring countries Paquador became de facto independent.

Gaspar Ortiz was the brains of the independence movement. A brilliant military leader and orator and a highly educated individual. He was passionate about developing and progressing the nation. He was a diplomatic master who unified the independence movement.

Francisco Manuel Escobar, a local plantation owner, was a staunch royalist but with the withdraw of Spanish troops from the continent he assembled an army and met with Ortiz before marching on Concepción. The small garrison of Royalist troops promptly surrendered which was accepted by Ortiz however Escobar shot Ortiz in the back and ordered his troops to massacre the surrendering forces in what has become know as the Battle of Concepción.

Escobar proclaimed independence with himself as President. He was extremely corrupt, autocratic, venal, brutal, paranoid, and eccentric, he was widely hated in his day, but the passage of time and revisionist history books have improved his reputation, and today he is widely beloved as an indefatiguable nationalist, anti-imperialist, and patriot.

Escobar ruled the country as he would a large plantation and brutally put down opposition. He would be assassinated in 1830.

20th century

President Filiberto Salamanca, 1975

Paquador's authoritarian governments were sympathetic to the Axis powers early in the war; the country's large German community, in particular, were supporters of Nazism, as well as most of the Paquadorian population. Serious thought was given to joining the war on Germany's side, but United States President Franklin D. Roosevelt avoided this by providing aid and military hardware in 1942. Paquador declared war on Germany on February 2, 1945, by which time the war was almost over in order for them to claim to be victorious.

Paquador gained huge amounts of US equipment through Lend-Lease after claiming to be sending thousands of troops to join the fight. In reality no Paquadorian troops ever left Paquador but 1 private was killed in a training accident.

Numerous Nazis fled to Paquador in the aftermath of the war and became involved in Paquador's military and security forces. A huge monument to Paquador's victory in the war was built in Central Concepción.

In the early 1950's the Salamanca family seized power and would reign for over 35 years. For more than four decades in power, the Salamanca family accumulated wealth through corporate bribes, industrial monopolies, land grabbing, and foreign aid siphoning. By the 1970s, the family owned 23 percent of land in Paquador while the family wealth reached $533 million, which already amounted to half of Paquador's debt and 33 percent of the country's 1979 GDP.


The toco toucan is Paquador's national bird.
The national bird, Ara macao


Bananas are Paquador's main exports.
A ship picking up Paquadorian bananas for export.

Main industries: timber, fruits, gold

Latin America's poorest economy, Paquador is on the brink of economic collapse. With few natural resources, there is almost no foreign investment. The economy has little to no diversification, focusing solely on single commodities which have varied over the last decades. Almost the entire economy is propped up by the agricultural sector making it extremely vulnerable to natural disasters.

Poverty and corruption levels are crippling. Government debt is likely to have surpassed 120% of GDP and climbing, and inflation is beginning to become unmanageable as a result. Despite considerable gold deposits, there is a lack of investment to extract and what is mined is only exported when the government needs to fund more military expenses.

Paquador depends heavily on foreign assistance to finance development projects and to pay public staff. At the end of 2002, the government owed $4.5 billion to its foreign creditors, with $1.6 billion of this amount owed to other governments and most of the balance owed to multilateral development banks.

Government and Politics

The National Palace in Concepción

Administrative divisions

Paquador consists of 9 departments (Spanish: departamentos). The nine deparments are:

  • Amazonas
  • Concepción
  • Corrientes
  • El Oro
  • La Libertad
  • Madre de Dios
  • Misiones
  • Santa Cruz
  • Valverde

The departments are further divided into districts (distritos).

Legislative branch

Seats in the Senate
  PLN: 12 seats
  PSC: 6 seats
Seats in the Chamber of Deputies
  PLN: 28 seats
  PSC: 14 seats

The National Congress (Congreso Nacional) is the legislature of Paquador. The congress is bicameral, the lower house is the 42 seat Chamber of Deputies (Cámara de Diputados) and the higher house is the 18 seat Senate (Senado).

Seats are divided as following, the ruling party gains two thirds and the opposition party gains a third. However, in effect, the congress is a mere rubber stamping institution which masquerades as a democratic institution.

All real legislative power lies with the ruling military junta at the time which usually consists of the head of each branch of the National Guard.


Lieutenant General Jorge Grau

Admiral César Vega
Brigadier General Álvaro Ramos Trigo

Political parties

Only two parties are allowed. The governing Nationalist Liberal Party (Spanish: Partido Liberal Nacionalista, PLN) and the opposition Social Conservative Party (Spanish: Partido Social Conservador, PSC) In effect both parties are the same and are both run by the ruling government to give the impression of democracy.

According to the so called 'Pact of the Generals' (Pacto de los Generales) the ruling party always gains two thirds of the seats in both houses of Congress and the opposition party the final third.


A M4 Sherman tank of the National Guard during a coup, 1979.

The National Guard (Spanish: Guardia Nacional, otherwise known as la Guardia GN) is a militia and a gendarmerie. It acts as both the armed forces and police force of Paquador which gives it huge influence in society. It is notorious for human rights abuses and corruption. It regular interferes in politics.


The Technical Division for the Prevention of Delinquency (Spanish:División Técnica para la Prevención de la Delincuenci DTPD, is the intelligence agency and secret police of Paquador. It is know to use murder, kidnapping, torture, extorsion and terror to achieve its goals.

Members of DTPD are known as "caliés" (Thugs).



Capital punishment is a legal penalty in Paquador, and is carried out by firing squad.


Paquador has one of the worst life expectancies at birth and one of the highest levels of infant mortality in Latin America. There is an unequal distribution of health resources. Only 25% of the total health budget is controlled by the Ministry of Health, and 90% of the services go to 10% of the population. Even though only a quarter of the population live in the capital city of Concepción, health professionals were disproportionately concentrated there. Half of all Paquadorian doctors and more than two-thirds of nurses work in Concepción and most of them work in the private sector.

There is widespread malnutrition and sewage systems are rare in rural areas. There are high rates of infant mortality, malaria and water-borne diseases. Abortion is completely illegal.


Paquadors education system is one of the poorest in Latin America. Limited spending on education and generalized poverty force many adolescents into the labor market and constrict educational opportunities for the majority of Paquadorians. Only 65% of primary school-age children are enrolled in school; of those who entered first grade only 22% complete the full six years of the primary school curriculum. Most rural schools offere only one or two years of schooling, and three-quarters of the rural population is illiterate.

Education is almost wholly provided by the Catholic Church.

Few students enroll in secondary school, in part because most secondary institutions are private and too expensive for the average family. Most upper-class families typically send their children abroad for higher education.



Cuy asado (grilled guinea pig)

The traditional staples of Paquadorian cuisine are corn, potatoes, quinoa and beans. These ingredients have been combined with a number of staples brought by the Spanish, such as rice and wheat. Meat comes from indigenous animals like alpacas and cuy (guinea pigs), but also from imported livestock like sheep, chicken, cattle and swine. A wide variety of fresh fruit is available, including bananas, tree-grapes, and peach-palms.


The most popular sport in Paquador, as in most South American countries, is football. Its best known professional teamteams are Nacional and Junior both coming from Concepción. Both are also the most successful football teams in Paquador having won the league between them every year sonce the league was created. The matches of the Paquador national football team are the most-watched sporting events in the country.

Estadio Nacional after the 1973 Paquadorian coup d'état.

The national team play their games at the National Stadium (Estadio Nacional) which, between games is used as a detention facility for political prisoners.


Roman Catholicism is the state religion of Paquador and it is a requirement that all Presidents be of 'Roman Catholic faith'. According to the 2010 census, 97.9% of the population is Roman Catholic which means Paquador is currently one of the most densely Catholic countries in the world.