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Addiction to Beauty?

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by gracer, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'd not cont on it :( He is so stubborn! You know how people are when they are that old, they have a harder time seeing that kind of things, sometimes they are just in denial. I don't know about him though.

    Don't get me started on the MIL!! The things she and the FIL have done, lol. I honestly don't know what am going to do about them when I move over there, I guess I'll adopt a more passive approach and just avoid them as much as possible.

    I hate the weight comments, I gained weight last year and the MIL and FIL were the first ones to say I heavier :rolleyes: When both of them are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay heavier than me. What do you do when she says something like that? For me the hardest part is to bit my tongue when my MIL, FIL or SIL do/say something just to bother me.
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  2. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    That's really admirable of the doctor @Tsky45, just like what @Coolkidhere said. Other doctors would have indeed just go ahead and work on her for the money but it's so admirable for the doctor to refuse and recognize that the woman is not in a normal state of mind already.

    I don't know if you guys know about an old series called "Nip Tuck," which focused on cosmetic surgeries and anything about physical modification. I remember one episode which was similar to the case of the lady from your story where the doctors refused to do more modifications on her because she has had too many surgeries already and performing yet another surgery on her would already endanger her life.

    Just like any other form of addiction, addiction to beauty can also be fatal to one's life if not addressed properly.

    @Tremmie I know just how you feel. It gets so annoying when people keep on reiterating your flaw when they also have their own flaws. I also gained weight after giving birth and I have always received negative comments about my weight. I get annoyed all the time because I'm well aware that I have gained weight so they don't have to keep on rubbing it in. What's even more annoying is the fact that the people who keep on putting me down because of my weight also have the same body mass or even heavier than me.

    I guess some people just don't look at their own flaws first before they look at other people's. Insecurity to oneself indeed drives some people to insult others just to satisfy themselves.
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  3. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    I have a friend whose mom can be like that. Said friend is incredibly insecure about her own looks (I wish that weren’t the case, she’s beautiful inside and out) and it’s super triggering for her, despite the fact that her mom would never pass a negative comment about her daughter’s looks. I’ve always found it unnecessary at best (to give people the benefit of the doubt, they don’t always realize how they sound), rude as @$#! at worst to comment negatively on others’ looks/weight. It reflects badly and says more about the person making the comments than it does about the target of the comments.
    gracer likes this.
  4. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You're absolutely right @CallipygianGamine. The negative things people say about others reflect mostly on themselves than the ones they are trying to put down. If only more people would try their best to look at the positive things in each person and focus on those to lift them up, then more people would feel good about themselves rather than feel down and insecure because of the negative things they hear from others. :)
  5. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Let us pray and hope he will open his eyes and see that there are other people who truly do care for him!:)
    Living with the relatives of your husband is an issue well known to me. Lol. I have been living here for about two years now. It is common practice in our country to live with the husband's family. I do get to live with my side of the family once a month for a week though.

    Living with his family is very tiring. Seriously. Especially when your MIL or SIL always comments on you or the way you parent your child. The weight comment is not yet icing on the cake trust me! Sometimes you just want to cry because of irritation.

    What I found that works is just to leave the house every morning and afternoon lol. Me and my son go for a walk for 1-2 hours that way, we get to be away from the monsters! Haha! Then when we get home he is so tired he is going to sleep so I get to do some chores. We get out again in the afternoon. This limits his time with the monsters! Also limits my interaction with them lol.

    I also just do not talk much when they are around. It could get boring but at least they know I do not like talking to them lol. I answer with a simple yes or no and barely laugh with them!
    gracer likes this.
  6. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Good to know that there are still doctors who care about their patients. Honestly, there are way too many doctors in our country now. Just like there was an overflow of nurses, now there is an overflow of doctors. Which is okay if they will cater to barrios or far away islands but most of them work in private hospitals anyway.

    Yes some people comment so much on other people's flaws when they themselves have the same flaw. I truly wonder why they do this, do they not know about their flaw or they just want to insult others? My MIL is just like this commenting not only my weight but others' weight too. I am not even that overweight, I just gained weight just like you because of pregnancy. My MIL is definitely heavier than me.
    gracer likes this.
  7. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I remember when my SIL found out that I am going to live at their house, she sent me message on facebook and cursed me and said horrible things about me. I was really shocked as the decision to live in their house was not my own, it was her mom and dad and brother's decision. I told my mom about this and she said to just do not reply to her insults as what she did just reflects her as a person and not me. I am thankful I have a mom that loves me no matter what and gives mo good advice like this.
    gracer likes this.
  8. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    My husband gave me a tatoo on the outside of my thigh, from the hip down to about 4 inches above my knee. My husband insisted I show it to her. Her reaction was priceless. She says, "Well, I don't know. But I guess everyone has cellulite. But you did a good job, son"

    My advice for moving closer to them is to save up the money to buy them a house in Hong Kong.
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  9. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I try to look at the positive in people. I'm always the first one to empathize, or sympathize, or forgive. But sometimes you see a person's real colors and they aren't pretty at all. More like baby poop green or dog vomit yellow. I really hate that I know this, and I can't go back to being naive... believing everyone has some good in them. But I can't run from reality, either.
    gracer likes this.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh my, Lil Ann, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but to laugh out loud when I read what she said! JESUS! How could you stop yourself from saying something equally rude and disrespectful? Last time I saw them I had the hardest time biting my tongue.

    By the way, I heard they want to move to the south of France... *FINGERS CROSSED*. I doubt they do it, they know that would make me so happy. LOL.
    LilAnn likes this.
  11. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Awww :( That sounds awful, I feel so sorry you have to deal with that on a daily basis, for real. I lived with my in laws for 3 months only last year and it was hell. I still think I might have a hard time when I move in with their son, because even though we will be on our own... they live so close to us. I can foresee a lot difficult interactions D:

    They tried to destroy our relationship last year (the MIL and the FIL) all because of a package of a pregnancy test I forgot in their bathroom. It was crazy the reaction she had, she started to create theories in her mind, that I surely wanted to get pregnant on purpose so I could force their son to stay with me... even though he had just asked me to marry him weeks earlier o_O Also theories like me never getting a job and being a burden in the future, also said I would be controlling their son to the point he'd never visit them, etc. I thought it was so unreal and insane... I thought our relationship was good before that and they were smarter than that, but no, they are INSANE and dangerously DUMB. So you can see why I dislike them.

    I feel so sorry for you and your son :( How do they treat your son? I hope well! Is there a chance you guys can get a home of you own? And by the way, I can totally understand why you dislike his family, I can totally imagine what you have gone thru! They sound hellish, just like my in laws. I'm so scared they'll want to hang out in our home often D:

    @gracer How do you manage to stop yourself from saying something back to them? I can't stand my in laws anymore, I am so afraid that when I move in with their son I will just snap if that woman starts saying something mean to me or if his dad starts making jokes about my weight on my face. Which is funny, because is wife weights waaay more than me, I don't even look half as overweight as she does...
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2015
    gracer likes this.
  12. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I don't know anyone who is like that, but some aging celebrities seem to do it all the time. For me, it's really none of my business whether they had some work done or not, but if their plastic surgeries are doing more harm than good, then it's time for them to stop. It's not wrong to want to look good, but people shouldn't overdo it.
    gracer likes this.
  13. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Just lock the door always so they would not be able to come in lol! Pretend you are sleeping. Haha. I think MILs has this complex were they just want to he superior to their son's wife or girlfriend. Of course, they are jealous of the new woman in their son's life.

    They will try everything to make you look bad in front of your husband. And the strength of your relationship determines if this will affect you or not. I feel so sorry that you have to experience this as I know the feeling all to well. And more than the feeling that it sucks, it also hurts that they would want your relationship as husband and wife to suffer because of them.

    They actually love my son because he looks just like his father. I hate it so much that they want to have my son all the time. Luckily, my son is very attached to me so he still prefers me lol. As of the moment, we cannot leave their house yet. Maybe in the near future when my son is studying and I can get a real job, we can afford separating from them.
  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Lol, I should do that :p Yeah, I have met some girls who swear they have the nicest MIL ever, but I think those are as rare as finding an unicorn, lol. My sister (the one I told you about, who is almost as evil as my aunt) she has a really nice MIL, who helps her with everything and even cooks for everyone. So she doesn't have too cook, and she has someone who comes do her cleaning. All she do is go pick up her girls, that's all she does.

    She actually gets along with her mother in law. I envy those who have nice mothers in law :( My sister is just awful, but she got such a good MIL.

    I think the MIL and the FIL were so disappointed when they saw their son wasn't going to leave me. I was very satisfied, he picked me over them :p But at first I was very afraid! I'm glad he was strong enough, I also had to tell him a man has to stand for his woman if something like this happens.
    Coolkidhere and gracer like this.
  15. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. But if you have the option of nudging a little, keep in mind Australia or Hong Kong are further away. Just sayin...
  16. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, as well. You and Tremmie both need to get away so that I can believe its possible. Right now it feels like its just a crazy fantasy.
  17. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    @Tremmie Well, I just try so hard to stay silent and sometimes when I get so annoyed I just tell my husband about my feelings. The sad thing is that he just doesn't care because he loves his mom so much. I finally decided to go back to our old home with our kid and my husband just comes to visit at least twice a month. He chose to stay with his beloved mother because our small business is in my in-laws' place which by the way was financed by my parents. I'm sorry for venting out my family problems here. I just feel like my glass is already overflowing with anger and disappointment right now. It's really hard to live with in-laws who came from another planet. I could fairly much relate to @Coolkidhere's situation. :(
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  18. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I have yet to meet anyone's MIL who is nice to them. Most of the time, when they have to live in the husband's house with the family, the MIL shows her true color. Lol. Some friends I have who do not live with the husband's family has had problems with their MIL too but not as terrible as what I have experienced.

    It is so sad that the evil people actually get lucky in life lol. But at least your husband supports and chooses you against his mom. That is actually lucky of you as some men choose their mother instead of wife. Which can really destroy the relationship of the couple!
  19. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I feel you.:( It is okay to have these kinds of in-laws if you have a husband that supports and protects you. But if your husband is a 'mama's boy' then it is pretty difficult to have him at your side. It is so sad that you have to be apart because of his parents. As a married couple, his priority now should be his wife and kid. Yes he has to take care of his parents but not to the point of choosing them over you. If his parents are still able to tend themselves and if both are still living, they are fine as they have each other. Also, if he has sisters and brothers, it is not his sole responsibility to take care of his parents, they can take turns.

    We have had problems about our situation too, my husband and I. There were times that I just have to leave my in laws place to go home. They got angry as I brought my son with me. It is really annoying how selfish they have been with my son, they do not allow us to go home at my parents' place before. My husband was at the US at that time. He made me go back to their house as his mom was crying to him. She was so crazy as she wants my son only at their house! It brings my blood to a boil. She is not even his mom and she has no rights over him. She just cries to her son and it melts his little heart away. While if I cry, I am too sensitive. Wow just wow!

    Now everything is stable and we get to go home for a week evey month to my parents' house. I do hope everythig works out for you @gracer and your hubby realizes that he should be with you and your kid!
    gracer likes this.
  20. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Yes, exactly, but there's nothing really I can do about it, it's generally the pressure of society that it's causing that addiction to beauty. Media is promoting all those models, and you just want to look like them.
    gracer likes this.