Pocket money and pester power can put parents in a pickle, but respite is possible

Updated January 22, 2018 17:19:41

Many parents feel confused about how much pocket money they should give their children and what they should do to earn it.

They may also struggle with how to give without giving in to pestering and teach their children that money doesn't grow on trees.

Parenting educator Michael Grose advocates for children to be taught about money, budgeting and taking responsibility from a young age.

"I like the idea of children being able to make some choices themselves," he told ABC Radio Perth.

"That's one of the benefits of giving pocket money.

"When a child says, 'Mum, can I have that treat', if they get pocket money you can say, 'You can buy it yourself'.

"It suddenly puts the responsibility onto the child's shoulders to choose; maybe they will save up for it or maybe they will put their money elsewhere."

Don't link pocket money to chores

Mr Grose does not support tying pocket money to helping around the house, as children need to learn that doing chores is part of being a family member, not something done for a cash reward.

"Keep them separate," he said.

"If they want to earn a little bit more, that's terrific.

"Maybe they even want to earn a little bit more from you as well, but the psychology changes when you link chores to pocket money."

It's a lesson he learnt the hard way with his own children.

"My son was once saving up for a surfboard.

"He got pocket money but he was saving up so I paid him to mow the lawns, so he got a bit of extra."

Shortly afterwards Mr Grose asked his son to help out by raking up leaves in the backyard.

"He straight away said: 'How much?' The whole psychology had changed.

"Jobs should be an expectation that is separate from money.

"That is how kids learn to belong in a family."

Teaching kids that money really doesn't grow on trees

Children often ask to be bought things and for extra money.

To counter that, parents should involve their kids in discussions about the family finances so they understand when the answer is no.

"Sometimes kids need to see you budgeting, to see us talking about money, talking about saving.

"We can refer kids to the family budget [when they ask for money] and say, 'Look, we really can't afford that'."

Without parents realising, children often pick up how their mums and dads manage their money and copy what they do.

"I remember learning a lot watching my mum using lay-buy at shops," he recalled.

"That taught me the notion that if you can't get something now, put a little bit aside and pay it week by week.

"Those sorts of behaviours that kids can see are really useful; they are the early lessons around money."

Handing control over to teenagers

As children go into adolescence, Mr Brose suggested putting them in charge of doing their own budgeting.

"One of the things that many teenagers want is a bit more power over their own lives, so sometimes having a bit of control over your own money is a way of doing that.

"As our kids moved into secondary school we stopped giving them money for the canteen, a clothing allowance and bus money and included it in their pocket money, so we expanded what they had to spend it on.

"We sat them down and said, 'This is what you are getting, this is what you can spend it on, and we are not going to give you any more money for these things if you run out'.

"Suddenly they started making their own decisions."

As they learn how to manage their money, it's important to remember that like adults, children will mess up their budgets at some point — but it's essential that parents don't bail their kids out every time.

"I think we have to be really careful that we don't just keep giving kids money all the time so it becomes meaningless," Mr Brose said.

Pestering can ruin treats

Holding out against pester power can be wearing and gives parents the tedious task of feeling that they're forever saying no, but it should be worth it in the end.

"I think every parent loves the idea of giving their kids a treat, and one of the things that always annoyed me as a parent was when my kids would pester me and I would say no.

"But I would love to go into a shop or somewhere and just buy them a treat without being asked, and then it becomes a real treat.

"That is often spoiled when kids pester and pester us and you give them something to get off your back."

Topics: family-and-children, parenting, children, human-interest, perth-6000

First posted January 22, 2018 11:02:16