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Mild Mannered Reviews - Supergirl Comics

Supergirl #19

Supergirl #19

Scheduled to arrive in stores: July 4, 2007

Cover date: September 2007

Writer: Joe Kelly
Penciller: Ale Garza
Inker: Marla Alquiza, Richard Friend, Sandra Hope, Rick Davis

"Goodbye, Hello"

Reviewed by: Jeffrey Bridges

Click to enlarge

Have you taken your psychotropic drugs today? You're going to need them to understand this. Ready?

No, trust me, you're not. Nevertheless, onward we trudge.

Who was out in space? Who grabbed Kara? Who? WHO?!


Oh, well that makes sense. He babbles a lot and tells Kara that the green candle Dark Angel threw into space resurrected him, because... why not? His curse, as longtime DC fans know, is that he only shows up when something catastrophic is going to happen. Like Crisis on Infinite Earths. Or Infinite Crisis. So what's he doing here?

Hell if I know.

He tells Kara that with his rebirth came a new "blessing", in that he can now show her any major turning point in her life, past or future, because... really, why not? And he can allow her to live through them. He says Dark Angel brought him back from the dead to show Kara the "dark seed" of her "family's curse". And then, without showing her anything but a clip-show of her past flashbacks to Krypton, suddenly tells her she's now seen "what *could* come", but Kara can break that chain of events.

And then, oh my friends, then Pariah tells Kara that when faced with betraying her father or killing Superman, she instead chose hope, and that she knows it to be true.

Oh, I see.

No, wait. I don't.

And then, he leaves, because, well... you know the drill.

So then Kara decides, yeah, she's gonna break that chain of events! So... she puts on a headband and talks with Boomer, who claims he would never and was never hitting on a sixteen year-old girl (uh, Boomer? Read the back issues. I can say the sky is red, but that doesn't make it true). And he then forgives Kara for everything because, well...


Grace shows up, wants some payback, slugs Kara and leaves. Enlightening!

The Teen Titans are about to do... something! And Kara shows up and kisses Wonder Girl while the rest of the Titans ogle them, and Kara says headbands are totally coming back.


You think I'm kidding, don't you? Go on, admit it! You think I'm kidding!

Kara goes to JSA headquarters, but Power Girl is all, "I don't think so, punk!" Kara apologizes for Kandor and Power Girl makes perfect sense in telling Kara that she betrayed her AND the people of Kandor. Kara whines and says she's changing, because, well... no reason, really. Power Girl then lays a guilt trip on Kara for hardly ever talking to Clark.

Kara returns home to tons of flowers from Powerboy! Ha ha! What a scamp. Those wacky kids.

Streaky tries to claw Kara to death! Kara tells him to get used to her. He licks her nose!

Kara goes to see Sarah, the girl from the high school where Kara briefly toyed with a secret identity. Sarah now has a cute CW-style boyfriend and has for three months! Teehee, they're friends again, and pose for a camera-phone photo for Sarah's boyfriend to ogle.

You really think I'm kidding, don't you? Come on, guys! I'm being serious! Stop laughing.

Kara goes to see Clark, and Lois gives her the "You're an ungrateful, self-centered whiny little bint!" speech.

Okay, NOW I'm kidding. Silly Lois doesn't do things like tell off people who need it! No, she says, "I don't know why you're here, but don't walk through this door unless you plan to stay." Hot diggity, that's way easier! Who wants character conflict?

Speaking of, Kara goes to see Clark. She says nothing. He hugs her.

And then they go to the Fortress and actually talk about why Kara has been a useless, worthless, whiny brat for two years and how, really, that's not Kara at all. And then they discuss how she's suddenly not like that for, really, no reason at all. And then they discuss why Clark doesn't want an explanation or doesn't seem too concerned with being sure Kara is emotionally stable and trustworthy now and why the last page of this book is what the first page of Issue #1 should have been, and what went wrong along the way... Clark asks her to race to the Fortress, and says welcome back.

1Story - 1: I would fight Steve in a red-energy-sword vs. stabbity-back-crystals duel to be able rate this issue a zero, except for one mitigating factor. This was Joe Kelly's last issue!

Supergirl fans, rejoice. Praise Rao!

No, really. Go ahead. I'll wait. In fact...

*gets up and dances with you*

I thought 20 was his last issue. Nope.

Thank heaven for small miracles.

Now look, this may seem harsh, but this run has easily been nothing short of a disaster. And it pains me to say that, because I love Action Comics #775 so much and with all of my heart. A little of me dies inside to think the same person that did THAT for Superman did THIS to Supergirl.

Now over in my most recent review of "Supergirl and the Legion of Super-heroes" (issue 31), I mentioned that if we got the Kara we wanted and deserved, at this point I didn't even care how she got there, so desperate was I to be rid of this abomination to the House of El.

Clearly I was unintentionally lying.

Or, then again, perhaps not. Frankly, if this means the Kara in "Supergirl" starts mirroring the Kara in "Legion" I'll be as happy as a puppy on a pillow. If this issue is what it took to get her there, fine, so be it, even if it could have certainly been handled far better.

But I am still required by my integrity to rate this issue on its own merit and as the conclusion to... whatever it is Joe Kelly was doing during his run on this book (swooning from fumes in a newly painted office is my guess).

This last issue made as much sense as his entire run, which is no compliment. The only thing that made any sort of sense in the ENTIRE BOOK was Power Girl and her reaction to Kara.

Boomer's forgiving Kara and claiming he was never attracted to her? Fail.

Pariah showing up for something catastrophic when nothing catastrophic happens? Fail.

Pariah claiming he can show Kara any major turning point in her life and then showing her nothing? Fail.

And then having the nothing she was shown totally change Kara's entire outlook on life and her character? Double fail.

Clark just being all, "Welcome back, 'cuz! Aw shucks!" without asking for an explanation or still ever having that talk they've needed for two years? Mega-quadruple-uber- robo-AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGH-fail.

And why did Kara need to go see Clark when we were told, just last issue that Kara told Clark he was the greatest man she ever knew. We were led to believe they cleared it up, even though we never actually SAW that (which I complained about muchly, and rightly so), and here they are once again on the bad side of that disagreement... and then back on the good side again. And AGAIN without explanation!

This book gives me ulcers.

Hell, even STREAKY was out of character. He attacks Kara and she tells him to learn to live with her, and then he licks her nose? Has Joe Kelly ever been around an actual cat?

Played for humor, I hear you say. But for that to be true it would have had to have been funny.


When you can't even characterize a cat correctly, there's really not much more to say.

There was no narrative thread, no cohesion, virtually nobody was in character, random events kept happening with no rhyme or reason just so Kelly could feel like he tied up his loose ends, when the truth was that he did absolutely everything but.

Kandor? Who knows?

Kara's quest for Argo City? Forgotten.

Powerboy? A scamp! Ha-ha.

Phantoms real or a manifestation of Dark Angel? The Monitor says... both! This issue says... nothing!

Kara and Wonder Girl kissing while being ogled by the Titans? ...sorry folks, I've got nothing. I am aghast. Aghast, I say!

Clark and Kara? She hates him! She loves and respects him suddenly for no reason and they're close again! Then they're distant again! Now they're close again! And for you folks out there on the latest fad, The Logic Diet, don't worry... this is all 100% Reason Free!

I'm just glad it's over. I think I need a nap.

5Art - 5: Awesome stuff (except for the stupid headband, but that was straight outta the writing). Although is it just me or has anyone else noticed that nobody ever seems to be able to dress Lois well? Ever? She looks like a candy waiting to be unwrapped.

...Yeah, honestly, I didn't mean that like it sounded. I swear.

Someone needs to tell Grace to pull up her pants on page 9. If she had a happy trail we'd be seeing the entire forest. Yikes.

Even if the Titans bit made no sense, the center panel with them on page 10 was full of win.

And for as much as the last three pages of this book made me want to fling it across the room and stomp on it until it promised to be good, the art on those pages was just phenomenal. The sad Kara on the bottom of page 20 is full of emotion, and the Clark/Kara hug on page 21 is a thing of sweet beauty.

And the final splash page of Superman and Supergirl flying off together just speaks for itself, and I think it's turned itself up to 11 and is telling you how freaking awesome it is.

1Cover Art - 1: Or, as last month, to be more clear:

Cover art: 5

Overall cover: 1

"The Death of Superman! Again!"

Kara over a prone, bloody Superman.

What? WHAT?

*runs around the room screaming for five seconds and then stops due to wheezing*

Man, I'm out of shape.

This may be the single most irrelevant cover to any comic book in history. It's got nothing to do with ANYTHING. Not even remotely.

Aw crap.

*throws the book on the floor and stomps on it until it promises to be good again*

Mild Mannered Reviews



January 2007


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