What Kind of Sexy?

"Compared to others, I make sexy appear effortless. But in truth, everyone else is trying too hard anyway."


In most western societies, young girls are taught that a good girl does not “act sexy”. This seems as if it would be a simple enough concept but things were still a tad confusing for me.

I am sure that I was not alone in wondering why “looking sexy” was so important when you were not allowed to act it. Upon questioning my mother about the topic she laughed softly and said. “Real women don’t act sexy. They ARE sexy.” (My mother was notorious for not explaining what she meant).

Now I was thoroughly confused. Not only was society giving me a double standard, but the person that I went to on order to clear things up, did not use the terminology the same way as mass media did. However, it took a few years before I was able to realize this.

What MaMa was saying, was that sexy is a product of mind frame and behavior. When a woman ACTS in a self loving and confident manner, then she IS sexy. When she has knowledge of how her body effects men, and can still ACT conservative or respectfully, then she IS sexy. This type of sexy is based on respect that can be acquired when a woman can behave a certain way along with her physically attractive features.

Now armed with a conclusion of what she meant, I came to the realization that the “popular sexy” attempted to skip the things that come before sexy. In this way, sexy means being promiscuous and dressing to reveal as much as possible.

Most women, if critiqued, will argue that this second kind of sexy is the only way to get a mans attention. (I always find it humorous when people argue my point for me.)

You see, the second kind of sexy may attract a mans attention, but that is all that it will attract. It will not attract his respect, admiration, or desire to please you. It will only attract a fleeting infatuation that will leave you in the same position that you began with.

It is acceptable to feel that you are sexy, and know that you are sexy, and even to act sexy. In simply depends on what kind of sexy.

–Miss Ari ^_^

2 thoughts on “What Kind of Sexy?

  1. Sobek says:

    I suppose the idea of what is sexy differs a little bit for everyone and culture probably has a lot to do with it as well. I’m quite sure that there are plenty of women and men for whom sexiness is just showing off their physique in revealing clothing, while for others more qualities are essential to be considered sexy.

    In India for example, a lot of the women’s traditional clothing reveals a lot of the midriff and back. But that isn’t really considered scandalous or all that sexy. While a conservative shirt or blouse with a miniskirt is considered very revealing and bold.

    For men as well, it differs. People have told me I look more attractive when I gel up my hair and wear my spectacles more regularly, but i just don’t “feel” attractive if I do that. Specs make me feel unattractive even when a lot of people have told me otherwise, and I prefer to keep my hair softer and with a rather boyish haircut.

    So it really seems like an issue that varies a lot.

    • How interesting. I did not know this about India. It does seem to vary a lot. What you described here may be the exact opposite cultural value in another country.
      I do agree also that sometimes what you feel best in is not always what people tell you that you look best in.
      –Miss Ari ^_^

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