Trump’s Tower of Babble; Vulgar Pitchman Ends Fevered Birther Rant With Mattress Ad (VIDEO)

It’s unbelievable. The Republican Party is so rudderless that Donald Trump, bloviating reality show host and comic toupee stand, is one of their leading voices. What’s more? They’re so bereft of ideas, they’re dusting off their abject failures from 2008. No, not Sarah Palin. But possibly the only conservative strategy more ill-conceived than Sarah; birtherism.

It seems unfathomable to me that this disastrous paranoid conspiracy is really still getting this much lip service. Admittedly, I’ve expressed that sentiment before, over a year ago. I know it’s in their DNA to avoid any sort of progress, but sheesh,  conservatives really just don’t know how to let go.

This morning on CNBC’s ‘Trump Tuesday’, which is a real weekly segment of the aptly named show The Squawk Box, Trump gave a phone interview where he yammered into what I’m certain is the best, most expensive, most classy telephone money can buy, about the long-ago settled subject of President Obama’s birth certificate. Some highlights:

  • The Press Keeps Ignoring The Birth Certificate– That’s right, the darned ‘liberal media’ keeps ignoring the issue. That’s probably why you’ve never heard about it before, right? Did you even know that some people think Obama wasn’t really born in the U.S.? It’s a BIG conspiracy! But the media just refuses to talk about it. Ever!  If you’d like to learn more about the hush-hush issue, search term ‘Barack Obama birth certificate’ yields about 10,100,00 hits on Google. Now
  • ‘The Mother’…where are her hospital records?- The long form birth certificate that this publicity-mad wind machine demanded (and got) are no longer enough. Now Donald Trump is going to need more proof than the proof he used to want.  Why do the hospital records matter? For the answer to that question, we turn to:
  • Donald Trump; Constitutional Scholar- “It all wouldn’t matter, except if you’re born in a foreign country, you are not allowed to be president. So you know this is a minor detail. “  In case you’re not familiar with sarcasm, Donald doesn’t really mean it’s a ‘minor detail,’ he means it’s a big freakin’ deal! You can’t be president if you’re not born on U.S. soil, right? Well, no. The ‘Naturalization Act of 1790’ included in the Natural Born-Citizen Clause states, “the children of citizens of the United States that may be born beyond sea, or out of the limits of the United States, shall be considered as natural-born citizens.” So even if this pathetic gambit was somehow true, it still wouldn’t matter. Barack Obama’s mother, is an American born citizen. Game over.
  • I’m not a ‘Birther, I’m not a ‘Not-Birther’- Yes, you are. You are a birther. You’re a guy with a complex conspiracy theory about the President’s place of birth. What in Hell do you think a birther is?
  • “I’m known as a pretty smart guy“- That’s what Fredo thought too. Although I suppose, it’s easier to convince folks you are if you surround yourself with scholars like Andrew Dice Clay, Dennis Rodman, Meat Loaf and Stephen Baldwin.
  • The Donald J. Trump Serta Mattress For Classy Sleep- The final 30 seconds of this train wreck for rational thought was devoted to promoting things with his name on them. Donald Trump was in Donald Trump’s swanky Vegas hotel, sitting on a mattress named after Donald Trump. This is the consummate businessman. He finishes his paranoid conspiracy rant with a commercial endorsement. Of himself. Donald Trump; job-creator for Donald Trump.

Here’s the video, if you feel like listening to something while you bang your head on the desk:

The whole thing would be funny, if it weren’t real. This is your Republican Party for 2012, America.