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28 August 2008



I have a BF now but have been pretty promiscuous in the past. I also have HIV, but I have always used condoms for anal sex since contracting HIV, and I would like to believe I have never transmitted my HIV to anyone. However there were a lot of times that I was getting ready to have sex with some hot young man at a sex venue and when I disclosed I have HIV, I would be told he didn't want to do it anymore.

Which felt bad as a rejection, but it would also make me shake my head because here was someone who was willing to have sex with me not knowing my status, and who was not going to ask. Makes me think a lot of people are having unsafe sex while in denial about the risk.

It is much safer to have safe sex with an HIV positive person than to have unsafe sex with someone whose HIV status you don't know. And after all, how do you really know anyone's HIV status? If anyone tells you they are negative, or does not tell you anything, you still have to act as if they are positive, because you really don't know.

West Side Poz

Anon, thanks for sharing. I'm also positive. There is a huge amount of discrimination out there and sometimes I have bene rejected. It's hard.

Wow, your story is very powerful. Keep strong.


Brothers, we all get rejected at some point in time, for all different reasons. Too light, too dark, too tall, too short, dick not big enough, ass not fat enough, etc., etc. You call it discrimination. I call it choice. I'm HIV negative after 25 years of being sexually active because I made a choice to limit my sexual partners (no sex parties) and only have sex with a condom.

Some how the message is getting lost. I think mostly because the drugs are so good today that with many people you can't tell they are poz, and many poz brothers aren't disclosing.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you should stop using a condom. I can't think of any reason at this point in my life that I would not use a condom. Not 100% safe but it has worked for me.

Bottoms, every time you let a man enter your body without a condom, you are saying, "I want AIDS." Harsh but true.

I've lost more friends than I can count to AIDS and I'm tired of the sickness and death. You guys have got to do a better job of taking care of yourselves. Don't depend on funds, or other people to do it. This is something you can do yourself. Get tested. Stop having unsafe sex with people that you don't even know their full name. Love shouldn't make you stupid. If you start dating someone, go get tested together. Always use a condom. If you can't talk about sex, then you shouldn't have sex.

Silence still equals death and now it's a whole new generation killing it self.

Greg G

Freelo, if people are sharing their experiences of being HIV positive, it's not cool to try to blame or say what they should have done. That's all water under the bridge. We can only share experience to help the next black gay man. But you have to offer a safe space to talk, a great number of black gay men are positive and afraid to speak out.

I'm negative but do appreciate the attention paid here to the poz. We are all in this together.


That's part of the problem greg. Every black gay organization that I've ventured to take part in offered a safe space for poz brothers to share their experiences. It's like all discussions turn into meetings that resembled AA meetings only I'm not an alcoholic. I've basically stopped going to black gay groups. hiv negative brothers have been marginalized as the number of poz brothers grows. So many ads and information read as though hiv is a rite of passage for black gay men. Like it's inevitable that you will get AIDS. NOT TRUE.

I'm not free to share my anger, my fears, my concerns for my community regarding the hiv crisis because my opinions may offend a poz brother. that's not cool.

That's another part of the problem. Hiv rates are growing but no one is to blame. No one wants to take responsibility for their lives.

I stand by everything I've said. Brothers have to take responsibility for their lives.
No where did I blame any one for what they have done. I will say this. If you are under 35, you grew up with the talk of AIDS all around you. If you don't use a condom, you have made a choice. You have not done what is needed to protect your life. You don't get to be the victim too.

Again, the post was about the rate of hiv growing in nyc. I love all of my brothers but we are inflicting a great deal of pain on each generation by not having honest and frank discussions about AIDS out of fear of offending..


This is quite sad actually. I came out at the height of the AIDS hysteria when HIV infectio was perceived as a death sentence and sick gay people ( HIV+ or not) were shunned. Im talking about Philadelphia 1985-88. I made a conscious decision never to have unsafe sex. I made a decision never to have sex while drunk and I made a decision never to do drugs remembering what happened to guys like Len Bias etc. Yet I always feared becoming infected.

I learned very early on not to assume that others ( my friends included) thought or acted like I did in terms of sexual behaviour. And I also decided to accept people for who they are while staying true to my own values.

I have lost several friends over the years. There were a few years in the late 80's and early 90's where it seemed that every other week someone was missing.

AZT Act-up and so on came and went.

Fast forward to 2000's and I am shocked that the rates are so high ...

Dont know what to think really. I just hate the idea that even now YOUNG black men have higher rates of infection.

On tHe bright side... I think that society is more accepting ( less paranoid) about those with HIV. And thats a good thing as I would not like to revisit the 1980's when GAY=AIDS

Stay strong

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