The First Great Los Angeles Rain Apocalypse Is Dunzo

Obviously, Tony! Toni! Tone! was dead wrong on this one:

Yes, the First Great Los Angeles Rain Apocalypse has come and gone!

For the past two days we've been on "Stormwatch 2009" and from the way our local weather reporters have been talking, I was beginning to think a category five hurricane was about to hit Los Angeles. Our impending storm even made Tuesday night's national news. With so much hype I was starting to think I should've spent the past month building Noah's Ark II.

Fortunately, the storm didn't live up to the hype. We did get two inches of rain in Downtown LA, but it was never a torrential downpour. Just a light, steady rain.

The rain is actually a good thing because everything has been looking pretty brown and dead lately, and not just because Los Angeles is technically an artificially watered desert, either. We're in the midst of a serious drought so we need the rain desperately.

Unfortunately, a light, steady rain does cause problems:

1) People don't know how to drive in the rain here. Imagine a drunk driver hitting the gas pedal extra hard during a blizzard... That's how folks here in LA drive when it rains.

The news reports say that from midnight last night to 6 am this morning there were 186 car accidents. Last Wednesday during the same time frame? Only 19 accidents. -- and that's why I stayed my behind in the house last night instead of heading out to roam around like I wanted to.

2) Mudslides. We had an area roughly the size of Manhattan burn in the Station Fire. Hillsides right up against residential areas are completely denuded. No vegetation to keep the dirt and rocks on those hillsides from coming down. If we get an El Nino this year like we're supposed to, we could be in serious trouble.

If you doubt that mudslides are a serious problem, read what happened in La Conchita, California back in 2005.

3) Toxic Runoff: We're advised to avoid going in the Pacific Ocean for the next 72 hours. Heal the Bay says, "After heavy rains, more than 70 major outfalls spew man-made debris, animal waste, pesticides, automotive fluids and human-gastrointestinal viruses into the marine ecosystem. This pollution poses human health risks, harms marine life and dampens the tourist economy by littering shorelines."

Essentially, it would be like if you'd used the toilet every day since March but you hadn't flushed it... till yesterday. Wanna go swim in that water? Yeah... I didn't think so. But there was footage on the evening news tonight of some dumb surfers and they were actually saying they didn't care.

Watch them be on 60 Minutes in like five years talking about how they're suing the City of Los Angeles because they've grown webbed feet and they think it's caused by being exposed to toxic runoff in the Pacific.

Alas, the First Great Los Angeles Rain Apocalypse is pretty much over and it's going to be 80 degrees and sunny tomorrow. I guess that means I have some time to prepare for the Second Great Los Angeles Rain Apocalypse by finding my umbrella, ella, ella.


1969 said…
We are about to get our first Noreaster. Doesn't that word sound ominous? LMAO!

Glad you are safe and stay outta that toilet water!
Liz Dwyer said…
I remember when I lived in NYC and the news would talk about a Noreaster, I was TOTALLY scared. And then I realized it was just a really bad rainstorm...

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