Me As The Best Me

"Two days from now and 10,000 feet above the Southern California desert, Rex Pemberton will don a wingsuit, leap from a plane, and race toward the earth trailing orange smoke from canisters strapped to his ankles while Melissa Pemberton, one of the world’s best aerobatics pilots, paints a white smoky corkscrew around her husband—two minutes of barnstorming showmanship for thousands of gaping spectators spread out below them."

These was the first lines in an article I read about one of Husband's former college classmates. . . 

As I continued to read through the seven pages detailing their death defying adventures 
and plethoras of accomplishments,
my own self-worth plummeted faster than I could eat a bag of chocolate for comfort.
Tears even came up despite the silliness of it all, as I vented to Husband on the phone.

Because here's the real life truth, lovelies.
Sometimes I look at my life and ask myself
What the heck are you doing?
Where on God's green earth do you see yourself in ten years??
What blazing accomplishments have you attained?!

Often I don't really know what to say. . .

You could put me on a plane to just about any foreign place in the world
and I would be pretty fine and dandy.
Put me in a room full of college graduates, academic superstars and impeccably career driven individuals and I want to curl up in a corner and disappear.

Somehow in those moments I loose all sense of who I am.
I feel like my life means nothing.
Like I am a helpless, blundering bus driver by day, writer-wanna-be by night.
How's that for an impressive story to share?!

Meanwhile my friends launch their impressive medical, teaching or legal careers
while I can only think about getting up at five am, paying off debt and 
someday making cute babies.
Does that count for anything?!

My minds plays tricks on me as it teases me to find self-worth.

If you only went to college and got a degree, then maybe you would be recognized.

 If only you could write something that everyone would rave about, then you would have something unique to share.

If only you worked harder at a real job, you would have a sense of purpose.

If only your blog would grow at blazing pace, you could at least 
take comfort in being a truly remarkable entrepreneur.

If only you could create something truly artsy, you could call yourself 
a self-made artist.

If only. . .
if only.

Ah the silly games our minds play.
The trivial things that really don't matter.
So what if I have a college degree. 
So what if people think I'm a great writer.
So what if the world values how I spend my life.

Because when it really when it comes down to it, 
the only thing that matters is that I live my life truly being me.
Truly being the perfect me that God created me to be.

Whether that's driving that huge yellow bus {cuz I really do kind of love it}
or writing on this blog to the many or few who care to follow
or being a mama to a houseful of babies {not an annoucement. in case you were wondering}
or spending my summers in China
or making calzones for movie nights with Hubs
or laughing like little girls with my dear dear friends
or anything else that makes me ME. 

Knowing that I have been made with value and purpose 
only because of Jesus.

shoes: ruff hewn, jeans: gap, shirt: F21, sweater: california shop

What are the special things that make you YOU?
I'd really love to celebrate with you!

Happy Wednesday, lovelies!

- - -

Congratulations to Amy D for winning that beautiful puff of sunshine scarf from the lovely Shelby!
Please email me your info!


  1. I look at your life and how you go to China and how you fly to Mexico to be with your sister, and i think "wow" I want a purposeful life like that! I think it is amazing how you and your husband are so adventurous and aren't chained down to one spot to make the most amount of money possible! You are totally an awesome you!! I really want to go on a mission trip, 1. to africa and 2. to China!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that you and your husband met that way!! I live in minneapolis MN, wouldn't that be so fun to go on a mission trip together! with our husbands too! hehe!

  2. The blogosphere makes it hard not to compare yourself to others, so I totally get it. Thank you for your honesty. I for one love your blog:)Something that makes me me is my love of hearts! Seriously. What 26 year old has an obsession with hearts? Me, I guess:)

    1. I was just skimming through the comments and yours totally jumped out at me because I have an odd fascination with hearts also. I can't resist adding one after my name or putting one around my initials! I'm only 20, but you aren't alone! =)
      Alesha <3

  3. I definitively have those scary "if only..." thoughts too! Your words were very easy for me to relate to. Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. This is beautiful. And just to encourage you, I have a college degree, and it's honestly gotten me pretty much nowhere. The only qualification for my job is that you graduated from high school. I've searched and interviewed and prayed and this is the best job I've been able to find. I so often have felt the same way you do. That maybe if I had studied anything other than English, I would be doing something important. But at the end of the day I realize, the only true things I want out of life are to have babies and serve God and my family. I'm not going to be the girl who finds a cure for cancer or gets handed a book deal. I'm an aspiring writing who dreams of quitting her day job and raising a family. Those are the important things in life {to me anyway (and it sounds like you, too!)} :)

  5. "Stop asking God to bless what you're doing. Find out what God's doing. It's already blessed." --A pastor told Bono that once, I try to remember it. Its not about what we want for ourselves.

    Good Luck to you!!

  6. I could have written this!! It sounds sooo much like me and what I've been feeling lately! I've been MEGA struggling with my purpose in life - I totally understand your feelings. I'm learning that God can use the talents and gifts He's given me for His glory even if it's not in a "big" way - He can use my gifts to make a difference in my small circle of influence!

    Thank you for sharing your heart - it's always an encouragement!

  7. I completely identify with this post, but for some reason, those feelings of inadequacy have never stuck. I have always known that even though I will always be unknown and insignificant to the world, I am of great worth to my Heavenly Father. Deep down I know I am powerful. I have unique talents and gifts. I have a purpose. And that purpose may be as simple as being a wife, a mother, the neighborhood violin teacher, etc. But those purposes can have a great impact! I cannot change the world, but I can change the world around me (my home, my family, my friends, my church). I know where I came from and where I am going. I am here on earth to learn, to be tried and tested, to develop faith, and to return to my Heavenly Father. Nothing else matters, even when I think it does! To those facing death at the end of their lives, it doesn't matter what degrees they have earned, what positions they have held, or how much wealth they have accumulated. What really matters is who you loved and who loved you. I think you know this too. You're beautiful, Nicole. Thanks for writing about things that matter!

  8. Did you know that when I was little I wanted to be a bus driver so badly when I grew up. I would ride my bike down the street and stop at each mail box and make the "Chhhhh" sound the bus makes when it stops and opens its doors. I would wait for my imaginary passengers to board my imaginary bus and continue on to the next mailbox. In some ways you are living my inner-little-girl's dreams.

  9. Hey, you are the best girl and you will find your way. And if your way is an amazing mama bringing up a wee family that is an immense achievement. Both my children have red hair and I hope my little girl looks as beautiful as you do when she grows up (she is 18mths just now!) take care, Jo xx

  10. One thought resounded through my brain as I read this post..."GORGEOUS hair. Simply stunning." So, there's your blazing success girl.;) No honestly, I really can identify with this. I think we all feel/think this at one point or another. Hang in there, find your identity in Christ, and it really will start to seem like you lead a worthwhile, meaning-filled life. I'm speaking this into the mirror by the way, oh, were you listening in on it too?:)

    Blessings, dear.

  11. you are so cute. i love this. i also love love love your hair.


  12. Beautiful post. Thank goodness Jesus is the only one who defines us, not some capital letters after our name.

  13. I agree with the reader above...beautiful post. I SO feel this way at times. God is always there to gently remind me that my life is about glorifying Him, not me, anyways. Thanks for the encouraging reminder.
    Alesha <3

  14. I love your blog!! I started blogging to share my love for the Lord. It seems as though we always question our lives I know that I tend to question if my life is good enough for God or if I should be doing more: finishing my degree doing more for others. I try though to remember the journey I am on God is with me always. One of the thing that makes me who I am is my need to always help others, my love for monkeys, and being able to be my goofy self without caring what others think. We just need to remember as long as were walking with the Lord he will guide our every step. God bless you

  15. I love this. Our goals are really similar right now (trying to get up at a decent time, getting debt free (what what!) and thinking about kids...but not now haha). I feel the same way, most days. I'm working in a business I have no experience with. Thankfully, I'm blessed to work with my husband. He's so encouraging, but there's still so much I'm unsure of. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with who I am as a person, but it feels that way anyway.

    I'm super emotional, and sometimes that feels like a special thing about me (when I can sympathize and feel someone else's heart) and sometimes it sucks and I feel like a child. I'm also reeeeally good at harmonizing. It's something I don't remember being taught, so I think it's really special like God built it into who I am. Singing and harmonizing brings me a lot of joy, and I'm thankful that He's given me that.

  16. Your success isn't measured by what the world thinks, it's measured by how you feel by serving others and the Lord. All I ever wanted to be was a mom, and that took YEARS, but I had faith that it would happen. While I am a work at home mom, my next goal is to be a stay at home mom. I don't need a corporate career or higher education for the world to acknowledge me...I just need my family and my faith. :)

  17. Beautifully and honestly written. Guess what... my favorite aunt... guess what she does... drives a bus... has for years... and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she has made her mark on this earth praying for, loving on, and being a rare light of hope to those kiddos that jump aboard every day! We count... right where we are... each and every day... for such a time as this! May God remind you now more than ever through these comments here and above that HE DELIGHTS IN YOU -and all you and I have to do is delight in Him, worship Him and share His love to the world. When our journey is over if we have done this we have accomplished His calling! Don't know you -but LOVE you girl!

  18. Ay-MEN sister! I can totally relate; all my friends are setting up therapy practices, getting their doctorates, and I'm just going on and living my life all hunky dory. I feel so unaccomplished next to them sometimes! But then I remember all the great blessings I've gotten throughout my life and can't help but feel overwhelmed with joy.

    I'm a new follower--found you in the comments of The Daybook of all places :) Glad I "ran" into you!

  19. wow- your hair looks gorgeous!!!! xo

  20. You are 100 percent right! God has a plan for each and every one of us, and you are living wonderfully for Him! Just keep on making yourself happy by being you!

  21. I totally understand you girl. Try being me, single, and still living at home. [grin!] But the Lord has definitely taught me contentment. There's always someone out there who has it worse than me. And I realize that this is simply a season of life....so why not enjoy it?!!! :)

  22. a degree does not defines who you really are.

  23. Oh girl, I struggle with this too, but I have to remember what I am, where I went to school, etc...is not who I am. Because really, I'm a wife, daughter, sister, friend and a bunch more things that are way more important than what I do for a living!

  24. Beautiful. Just beautiful!!

  25. Spreading joy in China is worth so much more than getting a degree...just 'cos it's what people do! & driving a big yellow bus is muchos coolos! ...in fact you should write more about that!!! ha! :) xxx

  26. totally agree nics...
    it's not about what you do but how and why you do it.
    you ARE living a purposeful life, not because you go to china or write astoundingly amazing blog posts, or love orphans, or have a house full of gorgeous kids, or are the perfecto wifey for adam...
    life is of Him and thru Him and for Him
    nothing more purposeful than living life for the purpose for which you were created...
    to give Him glory!
    LOVE you, dear heart!

  27. This is beautiful! You are beautiful!

    I'm jealous.

    ok that sounds creepy.
    I'm jealous of your smile.

    much better!

    seriously, you should never stop smiling.
    I smiled just looking at you smiling.

    Have an awesome weekend!

  28. Oh my-I am there everyday. But I didn't go to China several times and help orphans-that's way cool!! I think your blog is awesome and that you are a super writer-so there! I also have a writing dream-not just of my blog http://thebestofpa.blogspot.com
    But of my writing aspirations. I have a story blog you could check out-it's kind of crappy and not at all edited, but I wish and dream and even cry when I see someone else be successful in such endeavors. But so long as I'm striving, reaching, dreaming and setting those goals I hope and pray I get there. Do me the honor of checking it out and kindly ignore all the grammatical errors? It's my rough draft and not yet complete even.
    http://onceuponatimestories.blog.com. I write ya fanasty, sort of. Think Twilighty stories.