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How do you do it?

With heterosexuals having great curiosity over gay sex, Patriot explains the nitty-gritty of gay sex to solve their never-ending questions, which can be insulting at times

“Right after she asked the question, I was in splits. The sheer amount of curiosity that was there amazed me. But more so, the question didn’t make sense at all,” recalls Harshit Suri (name changed), 26, a business consultant who identifies himself as a homosexual man.

What really made Harshit laugh was his colleague’s inability to understand something which was “self-explanatory”— something which is easily comprehensible if one’s aware of the basic biology of a human body!

“She asked me that after having sex, does it ease up the pooping process?” recalls Harshit. “I laughed a lot. Gaining my calm, I started explaining to her that it doesn’t help in pooping and returns to its regular state.,” he explained further.

The “it” Harshit talked about is anus. When a penis penetrates the anus, it is commonly referred to anal sex. Ever since it came into the forefront of sexual acts, anal sex is often termed as a “sexually risky behaviour.” Because they (anuses) are fragile in nature, and unlike vagina, anuses are not equipped to produce natural lubrication.

It’s a sensitive act largely practised by homosexuals, but also by heterosexuals. The skin inside protects a person from pathogens (a bacterium that can cause diseases). Hence, medically-tested lubricants in the market are a go-to product for anyone who want to have anal sex.

Such is the nature of this act that it arouses humongous curiosity among heterosexuals. “They want to know how you do it, how you prepare yourself, does it hurt, if it hurts then why do you do it,” says Harshit.

However, one thing which Harshit fails to understand is: “Why is there so much curiosity about gay sex?” He explains, “Almost all gay people I know have a fair idea about how straight people have sex. Though they don’t have anything to do with it and won’t practice it, still they’re aware. Why do straight people have to be so ignorant about our sex? We don’t expect them to know. I would ask them to google before asking awkward questions. It’s insulting sometimes.”

Due to homophobia, some (or most) heterosexual people are also averse to the idea of gay sex. This argument could also be supported by a 2018 study done by NatCen — Britain’s leading independent social research institute. The study which had the ‘British Social Attitudes’ survey shows  that the number of people who believe there’s nothing wrong with gay sex has fallen.

The survey also shows that the number dipped to 66% from 68% when the same was conducted in 2017.It informed that “Liberalisation of attitudes does seem to be slowing down.”

Another major curiosity among heterosexuals is the preferences of a gay man in bed. Not knowing that it’s personal to every individual, they tend to seek answers. Suffice it to say, a homosexual person’s preferences in bed are part of his/her sexual identity.

Breaking it down, the preferences are — bottom (who gets penetrated), top (who penetrates), versatile (who does both), versatile top (who prefers to penetrate, but is open to receiving too) and versatile bottom (who prefers getting penetrated, but is open to do the opposite).

“They just have this notion that we have sex every day. They constantly push us to settle for one partner. One of my school friends once requested me to make his profile on Tinder and said he wanted to have sex daily. While saying so, he pointed to me and said ‘Like you do’,” relates Akash Gupta (name changed).

It’s true to say that some (or most) heterosexual people oppose gay marriage. Although it’s not yet legal in India, the amount of oppressive ideas which pre-exist in society are an insult to every individual from the LGBTQI+ community.

There’s another perception about gay people that they don’t tend to aspire for marriage or companionship and are just highly ‘sexual’ beings.

As per a Upriser report, after the state of Vermont in US legalised gay marriage in 2009, researchers spoke to 1,000 different couples — both homosexual and heterosexual — and discovered that “Homosexual relationships tend to be far more egalitarian then heterosexual ones.”

Another duo — John and Julie Gottman — who are world renowned experts for marital stability, researched gay couples and straight couples. They took several interviews based on  factors which make for a healthy marriage.

Checking the quotient of how prone the marriage is to divorce and the fighting style of couples, they found out that gay couples have a healthier fighting style than straight couples.

Another interesting thing about the curiosity among heterosexual people about gay sex is — the certificate: the medical report which shows that an individual is not having any sort of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or HIV.

However, having friends in the community, over a period of time, the clear answer is that it all depends on how much one trusts the other person. Dating can be risky too. So it helps to first get to know the person enough to take them into the bedroom.

On the popular gay dating app Grindr, a user has an option to update their “last tested” status. This shows another user the month and year in which he got the HIV test done. The options are positive or negative.

PrEP — a medicine to prevent HIV — available in the market now, is a boon to the LGBTQI+ community to take the highest amount of safety measures for sex.

How often would you see a heterosexual couple or individual getting an HIV test done? The amount of phobia there is about tests makes heterosexual individuals skip these tests, under the garb of heteronormativity.

Although, the chances of getting HIV among heterosexuals is less than homosexuals, however, the risk does exist. However, even today, only homosexual men are expected to get the test done. No one knows why.

Another curiosity among heterosexual people is that homosexual men can afford to have sex without a condom. Once a friend asked me this. In his defence, he said “There’s no chance of a gay man getting pregnant.”

He failed to understand that the condom is for protection, not from pregnancy but from HIV and STDs. One doesn’t just use condoms to avoid pregnancy but to safeguard oneself from STDs, which don’t discriminate on the basis of sexual preferences.

Curiosity never killed the cat but the person being asked such questions repeatedly does get exasperated. As much as I love to entertain people, I think it’s not insulting to say: Just Google it!