Sunday, May 23, 2010


You have just got to love irony.

Whenever I USED go out of the house my hair was ALWAYS done and I had on makeup. One of my greatest pleasures in life was frequenting the makeup counter at Nordstrom's. I could just float around that place for hours. Plus, I just love makeup. Mac, Philosophy, Bare Essentials and Donna Karan perfume is just yummy to me! Under my sink I have a huge bag of eye shadows, liners, blushes and lipsticks. Nordstrom's and was good! To me, one can never have too much makeup. 

Also, I've always been big on upkeep and maintenance. I loved manicures, pedicures, massages and facials. To me, there's nothing like pampering myself. I'd get my nails and toes done every two weeks. However, that was before. It was BF (before Fibromyalgia). Now, I even though I love facials and massages I can't stand to have that kind of pressure on my back or face. It hurts to have my nails done so I stopped that. Pedicures hurt too. Giving up all that really helped tank my self esteem. I look at my short, stubby nails and then my hands and hate them. 

Lately, I've just felt so lousy. Today is cloudy, humid and cool. Every bone in my body aches and I just want to put the covers over my head and go to sleep. But I can't because I want to get out of my house even if it's just for a few minutes. I need some things from the store so I won't be gone long and then I'll come home and go back to bed. I must force myself to do this.

I threw on a pair of sunglasses and brushed my hair and put it up in a little clippie. Add a little lip balm and there I go. No biggie.....who the hell would I run into anyway? So what are the odds that on the very day that I'd be so sick of staying in my house, and deciding to take a chance and get outside, that would be the very day I'd run into my very first boyfriend. There I am at Smith's Grocery Store looking like something the cat dragged into the house, trying to lift my spirits just a little, when I happened to glance behind me and voila! There he was. I would have recognized him anywhere. He was tall and had gray streaks in his thinning black hair. He was also a bit more wrinkled than he used to be. He was in  a pair of sweats and looked like he was just off the tennis courts.  If truth be told he didn't age very well. He had gained weight and just looked average instead of the drop dead gorgeous that I remember. Any other time I would have taken a great amount of joy in that fact but right now I would have been embarrassed in front of the hunchback of Notre Dame. I immediately went into fervent prayer and prayed that he wouldn't notice me. I made all sorts of deals with God if He would just let him pass without a word. I turned my face away, hid behind the flowers and pots, and waited for him to move to another part of the store. 

As luck would have it, he started moving toward me and looking at the huge flower pots. Could it have been any worse? Yes, it could and it was about to. I lost my balance and nearly fell over. 


I kind of skirted around him without making eye contact and nearly made it out of the store.

Notice I said "nearly."

Whatever in His name possessed me to look back? I could have pulled this off if only I wasn't tempted to look back. I DO NOT believe I did that.

"Is that you, Rosie?"

Yup. It's me. I just looked at him ready to give the oh-what-a-surprise-look and then the brain fog hit. Instead, I just looked up at him like a fool. I wanted to say something but  I couldn't think of anything to say.

Double damn. 

Fortunately he was never the type that noticed what I was wearing or anything about my hair and today was no different. He just wasn't that type of guy. We exchanged pleasantries and I couldn't wait to get out of there. I said goodbye and, for the first time in months, practically ran all the way to my car. I couldn't believe he saw me that way and then on top of it all I acted like the village idiot. 

There is a silver lining to all of this. I learned something important about my values today.



  1. Rose, I love this post! You brought back an old memory. I have done exactly the same thing. Old boyfriend. Lookie-looing at open houses. He had become a realtor . . . I got out of there so fast that I'm sure there are permanent skid marks in the carpet of that house.
    I'm so glad you went out without make-up that day so you could write about your experience!

  2. On an airplane--after an exceedingly stressful trip-- he, walking down the aisle looking for a seat--me, diving under the seat in front of me to see if I could become carry-on luggage.

    And, oh did he look fine!

    We never learn--"just this once" is always, always the worst, THE worst time we could have possibly chosen.

    CJ, ducked, just "in time"

  3. Hi "Rosie,"
    This post made me laugh. I don't know if you intended to be funny but it is. Especially when you nearly fell. Thanks for writing during such a difficult time. You have once again given something. You gave me laughter.
    I'm so sorry you are in such great pain and must be in bed so much. I know how this feels. Some days I hide because I look like I've been on a drinking binge or something. Make-up doesn't help. Visine helps with my tired red eyes but it dries them out -- so I'm not using it anymore with hopes that strangers or worse, someone who knows me but hasn't seen me at my worst, will not judge me for whatever they make up in their mind must be wrong for me to look that way. I only use it when it is a special time now.
    You sound just like my sister and I know if she was caught without her make-up, well, this would be a catastrophe for sure! I've only seen her once without it in about thirty years. I couldn't believe it. She looked so young! I think wearing that make up all those years protected her skin. She looks ten years younger than I am, but she is my big sister. I bet you don't look as bad as you think.
    Thank you too for your comment about my friend passing. I've been crying but today feel more calm.
    I hope the day serves you in a peaceful way. You are in my thoughts. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon.
    With love and hugs,

  4. CJ....
    HA! I can just see you diving under the seat!!! That is so fricking funny! It does figure though...murphy's law! What is even worse is that he looked GOOD. Oh my....

    Michelle, yep it is so pathetic that it has to be funny. Especially when I lost my balance. Do you believe that one??? I am such a makeup freak. I've never thought that I looked good without it. Some women can do it and I ENVY that so much! I look in the mirror and see icky but then that's another issue!! Take care soon!


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