Monthly Archives: February 2007

I live for such discoveries

Found this news clipping while ferreting in the archives, tacked to a memo forwarded onto the Home Office — clearly some British colonial had found it as hysterical as I did. Roughly translated from Chinese.

28th April 1932

  1. That the Chinese Civilization is superior to that of the West, because it is spiritualistic.
  2. That the Chinese have always been a peace-loving people.
  3. That the Westerners all worship the almighty dollar, but the Chinese people are so idealistically minded that money is the least of their worries.
  4. That the only thing that we need learn from the Occident is technology. In other words, the best things that the West can offer are: automobiles, motion pictures and refrigerators.
  5. That the Chinese civilization is great because of the fact that of all the ancient civilizations (Greek, Egyptian, Chaldean, Assyrian, Mayan) it is the only one that exists today.
  6. That Herr Spengler and Count Keyserling have conclusively proven that the Western civilization is bound to fall and will soon give way to the Chinese.
  7. That Japan for instance would not be where she is today, had it not been for the fact that she had learned everything from us.
  8. That the teachings of Confucius surpass those of Jesus Christ, Buddha, Plato, St. Thomas Aquinas, Kant and Karl Marx put together.
  9. That the Chinese language is the best on earth, because it is the hardest to learn and has the greatest number of characters and tones.
  10. That Chinese medicine is not necessarily inferior to that of the foreign countries. Or, to put it in a different way, the physiological structure (体气 tiqi) of the Chinese is so different from that of the Westerners that “foreign” medicine can hardly be applicable to us.
  11. That of all the peoples we are the politest.
  12. That we are the most honest people and “our words are our bond”.
  13. That although we may have corrupt officials in our midst, the Western countries are not free from them either, hence we are quits.
  14. That the fundamental trouble with China is that we lack a genuine leader.
  15. That if the Three Principles of the People (三民主义 sanmin zhuyi) were really put into effect, China would become a first class power.
  16. That the present chaotic condition constitutes only a transitional phase of our history.
  17. That China has a glorious past as well as a brilliant future.
  18. That we have a population of 450,000,000.

I am especially fond of the indignance of #11, and the impeccable logic of #13 and #4. And the fierce pride of #9. And the condescension of #7. And the randomness of #18. And all of it, really.