Louise* and her children’s story of experiencing domestic abuse

Me and my two children Hannah* and Benjamin* experienced domestic abuse by my partner, their father.

He never hit me, but the verbal, emotional, mental and psychological abuse was worse than anyone could imagine; it felt like being in prison.

It wasn’t just me who he took his anger out on. My children, who were eight and ten at the time, experienced his abuse too. 

He would put chilli powder all over their food and force them to eat absolutely everything. They weren't allowed to get down from the table until they had finished, even if it took hours.

He’d punish them by forcing them to sit on the stairs in the dark, for hours at a time. Sometimes, they would be forced to sit there through the day and long into the night. I was powerless to stop him – we were all terrified of him.

One evening, he tried to force our daughter to eat food from the floor. That was the final straw; we had to get out. In 2018, we fled to a Hestia refuge.

When we arrived at the refuge, the staff were concerned about our mental well-being. I knew I was struggling, but I was apprehensive about talking to anyone about it. I struggled with suicidal thoughts and didn’t feel like I could be here. It was a dark time, but the staff referred me to access mental health support, including Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and other emotional support.

My children were both increasingly worried about me and it was clear the whole experience was impacting them. After a number of months at the refuge, Hannah told me she was self-harming and that she hated herself. I was beside myself with worry.

A referral for support for Hannah was made, but it wasn’t until weeks later that the support started, and she was able to access counselling sessions.

While we waited for this support though, my son Benjamin told me that he had been forcing himself to vomit. It was horrific to know that he was doing such extreme things because of what his father had put him through, forcing him to eat things he didn't like.

He too is now having counselling and we're all working together as a family with a specialist children's mental health service. 

It has truly been the hardest time of my life. I wish people knew how crucial counselling and mental health support is for victims of domestic abuse. 

*Names have been changed to protect their identities

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