"Just Friends", Care to Elaborate? - Online Dating

Won't the world just be a better place if we're all friends? In the Online Dating World though, you never really know what that means. The only sure thing is you better pack up all of your feelings, clear away any hope you may have of a future together, bid goodbye and well-wishes and then, hop on the next bus to moving on.

"Of course you'll find someone, but..."

You have to be really lucky to find someone who will share the same feelings you have. Does he like you in the same way you like him? Or, are you actually the only one feeling "something"? Maybe the words he's said that made your heart flutter were only phrases he gives freely to everyone he talks to. Trust your gut, what does it tell you?

It's not that he's not interested in you, he's just not fully invested to the idea of actually being with you. There has to be some sort of match beyond compatibility. You have to have at least the same level of interest and investment in each other and then, you can start to figure out what being together means for you guys.

"You're great, but can we just be friends?"

Now, once you've come to the inevitable end of your time together, one may suggest being "just friends". Yes, it might hurt and your heart might break just a bit. Try not to be bitter or hold some sort of grudge about this, okay? Being honest and clear of his intentions is only fair and actually polite. To acknowledge the time you had together and the things you shared for the time that you did shows compassion. At least, he had the decency to explain so it should be perfectly acceptable.

At least you weren't ghosted or left hanging up high at the climax of all of these emotions, only to quickly fall to the bottom with no one there to catch you. There would just be silence and uncertainty of a story cut short too soon. Jerks who ghost people like that don't deserve even another thought!

"It's his loss. Not yours. You're wonderful!"

It is not your fault at all. You aren't an ugly and unlikable person. You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't blame yourself for ruining a relationship you could have had together. Don't wish that you could have had a different face, a different body or a different life. Never think of yourself as not enough because you're amazing just the way you are.

You just have to face the fact that you're "not everyone's cup of tea" and that's completely fine. You'll meet that perfect person for you in the perfect place and in the perfect time. And won't he just be so lucky to have such a catch as you?

"But, reality says otherwise..."

I admit that most guys who I agreed to just be friends with have lost touch entirely. It's not for the lack of trying. It's just that they have busy lives, I think. It's completely understandable. It does sucks, because you spend all of this time getting to know these people and then, you're suddenly out of their lives just like that.

"We can still talk, right?"

You might not consider the person you've met on an app or only through chat to be a real person, but he is. It kind of unfair how opening up to someone through chat is as easy as being cast off, ignored or simply forgotten the next second. That may be the reality of Online Dating, but since we're just friends, isn't that supposed to be different?

Someone who understands. Someone who is like you and has been through what you've been through. I guess I'm talking about the sort of connection you don't exactly need romantic love for. It's not entirely physical, but more of an intellectual and emotional connection. There's genuine empathy and tireless fun conversations about the world and everything deep within it. There's never judgement, just familiarity, I guess? It's like being able to recognize yourself in other people, like you keep on finding your soulmate over and over again.

"Being friends shouldn't be the end, right?"

You're still the same person you introduced yourself as. You're still the same person he has gotten to know for some time. You're still the same person who was there to listen, care and support. Wouldn't that be enough to keep a stranger like you in his life, even just as friends? I wish that would not be forgotten.

I mean, being just friends can even be easier now that there's no pressure of having feelings in the mix. I feel like it's worth. Call each other "beshies" and vent about the different guys you're crushing on. You might just need a friend you can trust who will always be there no matter what, than an actual relationship you will possibly only turn yourself crazy for.

"I'm be happy to be friends with you!"

I have huge respect for people who decided to just be friends with me. I wish nothing but the best for everyone and hope that they may find the perfect guys for them, even if they didn't exactly choose me. Haha. I'm still the friend who will cheer you on until the end!

This is a long life we have and yes there might only be room for one person to be your forever, but you can have as much friends as you want. Enough friends to fill a club. Let's party!

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Christian Foremost is your supportive gay best friend who wants you to be your best self!

Sewer Rant is a lifestyle and self help blog, sharing Christian's personal stories of growth and advice on mental health to inspire you to love yourself.

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New entries every Saturday!


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