

Monday, 20 July 2015

Is This Supposed to be a Compliment?

Hello sweeties! How are you all enjoying the holiday? I have plenty gist for you o. But let's save it till the holiday ends. So I've been thinking about this for a while now. It's no longer funny. Have you ever received a 'compliment' that got you angry, irritated, or depressed? I have!

 Giving Compliments

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary: A compliment is a remark that says something good about someone or something.

It also went further to say; it is an expression of esteem and respect, more like best wishes.

We feel good when we get compliments.  They encourage and uplift us. They build up our confidence. They ignite our light and make the world a better place. I call them "The little gifts of love."

But it is quite unfortunate that many people in this part of the world don't know how to give compliments. A compliment which is meant to boost your confidence will just dampen your spirit. Ahan!

You know before I talk about something, I must have conceived it, believed it and/or experienced it. So I'm not blabbing, I'm talking from experience here.

On one of those times, it happened that someone tried to compliment my picture but did it wrongly. I was like; "Come, is this supposed to be a compliment?"

This is the picture. 
And this is a "compliment" I got
Couldn't he had said it nicely? Smh. 

That was how a friend now said: "Wo Amaka, you're being too soft and sweet. You have to develop a thick skin o. People will always talk." 

Lol. It sounded like she was telling me to be negative because some people are negative. No way! Two wrongs don't make a right. Negativity cannot drive out negativity, only positivity can. And I choose to remain positive.

One of the ways through which I stay positive is to look for the positives in every day and every one I meet along life's journey. And giving compliments helps me cultivate that awareness of seeing the good in others. If you do not like people, you will not compliment them. The more you like people, the more opportunities you have to compliment them. That's what being positive is about.

Compliment should be entirely positive and leave no room for a negative interpretation. We need to understand the power of words. Our words can either move a person forward or make them fall. We need to be careful when we give compliments. Let's learn to differentiate compliments that inspire (right way) from those that kill (wrong way).

See other personal and practical examples below:

Example 1: My Weight

Wrong: "Babe, you've lost so much weight o, but you look great!"
Effect: I'll think I look pale and sick. That wouldn't make me feel great.

Right: "Babe, I'm impressed at your commitment to keeping fit. You look great!"
Effect: I'll feel great. And can even tell you how I lost weight. (whether I was broke, sick or really trying to keep fit)

Example 2: My Fingernails

Wrong: "Nice nails, are they for real?"
Effect: What? I'll be offended if you put it that way.

Right: "I love your nails. They look so natural and classy."
Effect: Awww! First, I'll appreciate your comment. And then I'll tell you whether they are artificial or real. (I really do have nice nails)

Example 3: My Write-ups 

Wrong: I like your article. Nice.
Effect: (not so bad tho but it has no effect on me.) I'll wish you'd say what you think.
Right: That's a creative article. Nice.
Effect: Now I know you like it because you think it's creative. I'll smile and say "thank you"

It feels great to give compliments. You make someone's day when you tell them how good they look and what you like about them. You'll brighten up their mood and make them smile (Sweet Glo made a post on smiles, I love it!). 

When you truly feel that someone deserves a compliment, give it to them. Be sincere. Don't exaggerate your words to avoid flattery. Giving compliments is one of the characteristics of a sweetheart. It's one way to spread happiness.

So sweetie, go out there and start complimenting others the right way. :)

I hope it's not out of place to say Happy New Week!

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Follow on Twitter: @Amakamedia 
Email: amakamedia@yahoo.com
Heart Rays  . . .giving out the light.


Amakamedia said...

What compliments has someone given you that hurt your feelings?

Amole John said...

Good morning Amaka. Just open my eyes to read your blog before going back to bed. Thank God for public holiday. Sleeping tinz. Lol. Nigerians are good with bad words. One girl told me "You're too cute for your height." I was so angry. For my height? That's an insult not a compliment.

Don44 said...

I found this article so helpful- thank you so much! I do have a question though- what are the best ways to compliment person who has deep issues with accepting love and affection?

Amakamedia said...

I don't get. How do you mean, Don? Are you talking about those who don't appreciate good compliments?

Amakamedia said...

Ouch! That will also hurt my feelings. She'd have just said; "you're cute." full-stop. Giving compliment is a skill we all should learn.

Thanks for your comment, Johnny. Enjoy your sleep. It's free!

KayCee Blunt said...

Nice one. Every one reacts differently to complements , its a two way process. Whatever compliment you want give, say it with Sincerity & Smile. But Amaka i think there is nothing bad in what that guy said. It's not bad.

Gloria Okaimam said...

Wow we keep learning every day. Thanks for sharing and have a blessed week too..


Christy said...

I don't like compliments. Never have. Maybe I'm too sassy, but if I wanted someone's opinion, I'd ask for it. I hardly give compliments. When I do, it must be really impressive.

Anonymous said...

If I get you correctly, people find it difficult to accept compliments because they do not feel they deserve it
They need to learn to accept compliments with a grateful heart. It can be cultivated and learned. Sometimes, we don’t want to accept compliments because we don’t believe the person giving the compliment is sincere. But their sincerity should not be a problem. Take the compliment at face value and say a simple “Thank you”.

Deborah Anyeasi said...

This post is so on point. Add to the list the “you look great today” compliment. What did I look like yesterday, mad woman? There’s no need to put the “today” on to the compliment. The same goes for “in that dress/colour/when you wear your *** like that” or any other qualifier. People need to learn these things. Thanks for sharing.

I really like the concept of that picture you postesd up there. It's creative. #smiles#

Zeezee said...

Thank you for saying what I’ve been wanting to say!

Zeezee said...

Great post.

Life's a show said...

*applause* You are so awesome! I love this post and relate to it so much. So many times I have also had similar cases. I think for me personally, I’d prefer it if people just stayed away from compliments related to my appearance entirely. Let them focus on my work.

Life is a show.

CatwalkWithPAT said...

I love this post. Some poeple thinks that its by force to compliment, if you dont have anything really nice to say, why not just pass?

E Rella said...

Amaka God in heaven will bless you a thousand folds for this. See I rather not want their compliments anymore especially concerning my body.. imagine this: girl you just dey tall and fine anyhow but you nor gree fat, try dey eat you hear!. Can you imagine? I always jump to the defence of my body rather than say thanks which most times flee my lips unconsciously. People were saying I am aggressive one time especially when I was struggling with acne but no their sharp bitter words were too much to take as a compliment jhoor. Nigerians need to start reading more of such articles. Nice.


Vezera Britt said...

Is complimenting hair okay? I love to compliment people I see on the street who have done fabulous things with their hair, (dyed it a fantastic color, have it in a really elaborate up do, or have a really neat or interesting cut) and typically go with “I love your hair!” to express it. I want to know what you think.

Glowyshoe said...

Compliments are very good but when done wrongly,it then turns out to have bad effect on the person been complimented


munchyberry said...

I feel good when people tell me they love my hair. So I think it's cool

munchyberry said...

Lol I get that crappy talk about me needing to eat more to fatten up. I just ignore them totally

munchyberry said...

Pls there is everything wrong in what the guy said. That's rude talk

Amakamedia said...

Are you not Kaycee BLUNT anymore? Lol. If it was you who said that about my picture, I'd understand because I know you quite well. go away!

Amakamedia said...

Thanks, Muchyberry. You know the feeling.

Amakamedia said...

Uh-oh. . . why? It's important that we learn to compliment others REGULARLY. People need people to tell them they are good enough. It doesn't hurt to say, "you are beautiful".
Thanks for reading, sweetie.

Amakamedia said...

That's what makes life interesting. Learning and growing all the way. Many thanks for reading, sweet Glo. :)

Amakamedia said...

Whao! You really pointed it right there, sweetie. A compliment should be entirely positive and leave no room for negative interpretations. I'm actually guilty of the ". . . today" part. You've just taught me something. Thanks, Derbie. :)

P.S: I've featured your comment on this post. It's so helpful.

Amakamedia said...

Hi Vezera, good to have you on Heart Rays. I've always loved to be told that. Especially when it's a new hair look. It takes me about two to three days to finally believe my newest hairdo is cool. But a good compliment does the magic.

So I'll say, it's not a bad thing to say "I love your hair!"

Amakamedia said...

Mehn, that's hash. Some people sef. I believe giving compliment is a matter of the heart. People say what they are on the inside. It takes a beautiful heart to see a beautiful person. You can't have a sweet heart and say sour thing.

Like the Bible says, by their fruits you shall know them. May God help us do and say the right things.

My sweet Rella, please ehn, don't react to such people. Better still, respond or simply ignore them.

Amakamedia said...

Way to go, Munchy!

bolateethole.blogspot.com said...

Some compliments are nothing but sarcasm. My brother is good at that, complimenting you in an abusive way. Omg!

Amakamedia said...

Lol. True. . . So true, B-cube! Some people use sarcasm. But you know, sarcasm has always felt immature and unhealthy to me.

P.S: Say hi to your brother for me. :)

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