Teen Birthdays: Burlap and Jack Johnson

Not THAT long ago

April 4, 2000 was one of the longest, most grueling days of my life. After weeks of strict bed rest I woke up on my due date and said in a non-loving-more-like-loathing tone to Chris: "this baby WILL be born today!" Fortunately, one look at my Redwood sized ankles and the crazed look in my eye and my OB (whom I loved) announced that it was time. "We will induce you now!" His proclamation sent waves of joy through my unsuspecting soul. Induction began with a large tablet (the size of those things you put in the toilet tank to keep it fresh) being thoughtfully wrapped in burlap before being … [Read more...]

Open Letter To a Two-Bit Criminal

Dear Random Perpetrator/ Premeditating Ahole. First, let me say thanks. If it wasn't for your stunt last night, I would not have the joy of experiencing this piercing headache and brain fog that results from being up all night. Every now and again, a girl needs to appreciate the good sleep she normally gets. Next, let me ask you a few questions. 1. Were you just driving around a medical condo complex at 1 am and decide to randomly and forcibly break a window--a double paned window? If so, you really need a life…or a sleep aid. Either way, I can help. 2. If, as some suggest, you … [Read more...]