When It Comes To Milestones

Friday, March 10, 2017

It happens at almost every baby shower, birthday party, play date, lunch date, or casual grocery store convo... The comparison of milestones.
There's a lot of things you don't expect before becoming a mother, and one of them is definitely feeling self conscious about your child being even the least bit behind from another child.
It usually goes something like this...
"Ohhh look how big she is now! Is she crawling yet??"
"No. Not quite. We're working on it, but she just isn't interested yet..."
"Oh, really? My oldest was crawling a month before her!"
Then the mom walks away feeling discouraged and wondering what is wrong with her as a mother.
Is it her fault her baby isn't crawling yet?
Is her baby behind?
Should she be worried?

I was that mom several times over with Oaklyn.
My bet is that it happens more often with your first, but it needs to stop.
The comparing of our children, it just needs to end.
However, I'm coming at this with the standpoint of changing myself.
I've come to realize over time that as much as we'd like to, we just can't change others.
The only person we can really change is ourselves.
So here's what I want to say to all of you moms that are just like me.

When another mom is bringing up their child's accomplishments in a conversation, the first thing you're going to do is get defensive over your own child.
Then you'll get a little worried.
Then you'll overthink things and it just isn't worth your time.
Try to remember that the other mom might just be trying to keep the conversation going.
After all, being cooped up in the house all day watching Frozen 100 times over kind of creates word vomit to occur when you actually have some social interaction ;)
Then, look at your little one and smile because I can almost guarantee they are doing A-Okay.

When you walk away feeling discouraged and wondering if you're doing enough as a mother, I want you to think of all the things you've done for your kid since they woke up.
The list is never ending right?
You are absolutely doing enough. YOU are the only one that can mother your child the way you do.
It doesn't matter if your best friends baby started sitting two weeks earlier, if your sister's child was potty trained before you even thought of doing it, if you stop breastfeeding after a month or if you keep it up til your kid is 2 1/2, if your little one had a pinterest worthy party or a boxed funfetti cake to celebrate their birthday... none of it matters!
What matters is that they're loved and that you care.
Kids do things at their own pace.
It's just the way it goes and now we can all feel a little sympathetic for our own parents ;)
You can get on your hands and knees and show your baby how to crawl over and over again but if they aren't ready, you're going to be looking like a fool with rug burn ;)
I'm all for helping and encouraging kids, but also letting them figure things out as they go.
I think writing that was almost therapeutic for myself haha.

So the next time every mom is talking about how many words their one year old can say or striking a conversation about how their 2nd grader is reading full on chapter books, stop and remember that you can't change what comes out of their mouth.
But, you can change the way you process what they say.
Offer a congratulations and then make a mental list of every wonderful thing your own little one does that you are incredibly proud of.
Every child is special, every single one of them.
And it's all because of you mama, because you are raising them to be the best they can be.

All my love,
Aleigh Joy

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