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From the dirt to the plate...


Soooo the garden is giving back the love you have put in, with a luscious organic harvest. If only everything in your life was so indebted! Now, the fun part! What to make out of all of these delicious goodies? 

Let’s have a look at some garden to table ideas that are sure to impress your urban hippy friends.

Cashew pesto – a hipster spin on the pine nut version!

Food stuffs:
Basil, garlic, olive oil, parmesan cheese, cashews

How to do it:

  1. Get yourself a blender or a mortar and pestle if you want buff arms for next summer.
  2. All the basil you can stuff in your vessel
  3. Crumble some top shelf parmesan cheese in
  4. A couple of garlic cloves (easy here, if you are seeking out one particular ‘friend’)
  5. A good glug of olive oil
  6. A generous handful of cashews
  7. Mix, blend, pulverise or bash the hell out of it – if you’re buffing your arms for next summer.
  8. Depending on the outcome you want do this for as long as needed to get the desired consistency…
    a. ‘Lazy’ = chunky
    b. ‘A little less lazy’ = Rustic
    c. ‘On the money’ = smooth with a little crunch
    d. ‘Too far gone’ = velvety smooth
    e. ‘OMG, I left the blender on while I hung out the washing’ = drinkable (that shit is dripping through any holes in your biscuit vessel – add it to your morning smoothie)

 Baked figs - with blue cheese and prosciutto – *drool*

Food stuffs: Fat boy figs, blue cheese (or a creamy brie if you don’t like your cheese to smell like butthole), proscuitto, balsamic.

If these bad boys don’t get your mouth watering. You’re probably dead.

Wake up and get them in your face. If you hate blue cheese (the love for this stuff is almost like coriander, you’re on the train, or you’re not); replace it with something you find delish.

  1. Get yourself a baking dish
  2. Chunk up some blue cheese and disperse around the dish
  3. Pick some fat mutha figs
  4. Cut a cross in the top of them or cut in half (or a combo of the two)
  5. Place figs around the dish
  6. Shred the prosciutto and scatter
  7. Drizzle the masterpiece with balsamic vinegar or balsamic glaze (n.b glaze is the shiz!)
  8. Bake for 20 mins 180 degrees
  9. Invite someone over to impress (not a relative cause they won’t probably care, or rave on enough about how frickin wicked they are! We suggest a love interest.)

Chilli jam – a sweet symphony of chilli sauce posing as a jam. Possibly a ‘cham’?

Food stuffs:
Chillies, capsicum, garlic, ginger, sugar, red wine vinegar

How to do it:

1. Finely dice the chillies (& seeds), capsicum, ginger and garlic.

  1. Scrape into a heavy-bottomed (some like big butts and they cannot lie) pan with the tomatoes, sugar and vinegar.
  2. Bring everything to the boil.
  3. Skim off any scum that comes to the surface (like your brother-in-law!)
  4. Turn down the heat (just like Mum did when she walked in on you and your date in 1992).
  5. Simmer and cook for about 50 mins, stirring occasionally.
  6. Once the jam is becoming sticky (the base you didn’t get to in 1992), continue cooking for 10-15 mins more.
  7. Stir frequently. It should now look like thick, bubbling lava.
  8. Cool slightly, transfer to sterilised jars, then leave to cool completely.

Keeps for 3 months in a cool, dark cupboard (mental note… sounds like a good place to keep a body).

Refrigerate once opened.


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