about our elephant

Tuesday, June 4

amber stinky dinky dawn

for only a year, we called one another "best friend"... "diva"... and "sista' girl". little did i know it would be the hardest year of my life. 

7th grade. on top of transitioning from a girl to a woman... beyond adolescent hormones and drama and middle school and catty girls and "fine guys" (i was just a little boy crazy;), beyond all of that, my parents went through a nasty divorce. home life was unbearable. after school was terrible because i had a coach that was unsupportive, cold, and didn't even attempt to empathize. thank goodness i had a wonderful team of teachers that put up with me. and amber was there. she loved me regardless. we were in classes together. every single day was up and down. WAY up and WAY down. many, many emotions. lots of tears. and lots of trouble. HAHA!

ooh that girl and me. did we get into some T-R-O-U-B-L-E together! we snuck out at night. we snuck boys in. we stole together from walmart and got busted. and all around us were the things that most people hope and pray that their SEVENTH GRADER (13 year olds) aren't even aware of yet - alcohol, sex, and drugs. 

the end of that year was when i had to choose what kind of person i wanted to be. i only recently realized the severity of that tumultuous time as i went back through pictures and came across stories, journal entries, poetry and the like. i have no idea how i remained sane; how i made it to a fully functioning, responsible adult... how i'm not in the looney bin. {God is faithful.}

but through that year there were also many good times and so many memories made. 

amber and i were always together. we spent night and day with one another, got ready for dances together, and spent most of every day, side-by-side, doing what any pre-driving teenager does... 
we listened to music, watched music videos & movies, pretended to smoke cigarettes, 
walked to the gas station, talked about boys, put on make-up, 
she tried to teach me how to dance (haha!) with lots of strobe lights and black lights, 
colored our hair, went shopping, 
wrote letters to boys, pretended we could sing (yikes!), 
we went to church together, to gatlinberg together, and to texas together. 
we obsessed over theatre. we ate anything and everything we could get our hands on. 
our colors were - LIME GREEN & ORANGE. 
people thought we were sisters - blonde curls, blue eyes. 
we loved dr. seuss, fairies, singing usher and alan jackson ("way down yonder on the chattahoochee"), and our boyfriends (who also happened to be best friends).

we laughed and we cried. she cried a lot with me. she was there when i so desperately needed someone. and i loved that she was judgement free. she was fun! spunky! she tried really hard to be gangsta'! and she was so genuine! 

after that year, we grew apart. the walmart thievery seemed to be the last straw for our parents and we were grounded from each other for the summer. 8th grade we were split up into different classes and things just changed. we hung out a few times after that, but it was very different.

amber was in a car accident a few weeks ago... she made it through and then certain events transpired that lead to her losing brain activity and being removed from life support. so many are absolutely devastated. she was a wife, a loving mama (to 3 young boys), a daughter, a sister, a cousin, and a dear friend. i am devastated.

i understand that life happens and things change but i wasn't the friend to her that i should've been over the past few years. i did not get to say goodbye to her. i didn't get to thank her for her friendship. i didn't get to apologize for not being the friend she needed. i will always regret not taking the time to love her, fight for her, or be there for her. i will always miss her and what could've been.

she was a beautiful girl, full of life and spunk. she loved her family. she had lots of bumps and bruises along the way but the Lord was faithful in her life and always put her back on her feet. 

i will never forget:
-the way she laughed really hard (it was like a hoarse, whisper laugh)
-the way she danced (completely ghetto for her tiny white frame)
-the way she typed (exactly as she spoke)
-how she put Nature's Seasoning on everything (i have some in my cabinet right now)
-the way she and Jesse stayed together (from 7th grade to her death), despite many hardships

i love you amber stinky dinky dawn. i hope and pray I get to see you again one day... i will hug your neck, smack your forehead, and let you show me how to dance. 

people... love your people. fight for your friends, new and old. everyone is struggling. everyone wants love. everyone needs Jesus. be Jesus to your people.

a time to be born, and a time to die;  
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
Ecclesiastes 3.1,3-4

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end; 
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. 
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3.22-24


  1. praying for you. for her family. and for The Comforter to be near.

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