Funny school jokes

School jokes are based on the interaction between teacher and students as well as amongst students themselves. Funny school jokes are mostly situated in school, university or dormitories.

school jokes

(49) school jokes


The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

85.9% (15800 votes)

Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

78.92% (5525 votes)

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

78.44% (3945 votes)

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

77.48% (2570 votes)

Teacher: What exactly is MATH?
Boy: Mental Abuse To Humans

75.84% (2165 votes)


75.52% (995 votes)

Teacher:¨Are you sleeping in my class¨?
Student:¨Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could¨

75.38% (618 votes)

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.

74.64% (1674 votes)

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!

73.22% (964 votes)

Ms.Battle: Henry, I hope I didn't see you copying Casey's math test.
Henry: I hope you didn't either.

73.16% (744 votes)

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

73.08% (942 votes)

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!!!

72.74% (754 votes)

Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.

72.44% (801 votes)

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

72.1% (689 votes)

Studen: No I can spell EVERYTHING: E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

72% (718 votes)

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"Hear God?"
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

71.56% (761 votes)

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

71.56% (653 votes)

Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don't understand life.
Tracy: What do you mean?
Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...

71.06% (667 votes)

Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)

71.04% (664 votes)

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I'm paying as little attention as I can.

70.94% (606 votes)

The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"
Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."

70.92% (601 votes)

Teacher: Has anyone heard of the word expensive?
Lily: Yes!
Teacher: When?
Lily: Just right now!

70.86% (492 votes)

Teacher:Children nothing is impossible!
A Student:Sir,then take out the tooth paste from the tube and put it back!!!

70.8% (615 votes)

A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"

70.78% (594 votes)

Teacher: Good morning class I have a couple of riddles to start off this morning. I have something here that's round red and good to eat? Sarah: an apple? Teacher: No it's a tomato but you're thinking.
Teacher: I have something here that's yellow and odd shaped and good to eat? Michael: A banana? Teacher: No it's a pear but you're thinking.
Little Johnny: Teacher, I have a riddle. Teacher: Okay Johnny tell us your riddle. Little Johnny: I have something in my pocket that's round, hard and has a head on it? Teacher: Johnny, you go see the principal right this instant. Little Johnny: It's a nail, but you're thinking.

70.78% (613 votes)

(Teacher was telling the students about unitary method.)
Teacher: Students, if 1 man can do a work in 6 days, 6 men can do the same work in 1 day. Did you understand?
Student : Yes, if 1 boat crosses the ocean in six days, 6 boats cross the ocean in one day.

70.74% (613 votes)

The teacher said to Merisa, "What important in the 1700's people did not have that we have Today."
Merisa said, "ME."

70.74% (610 votes)

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

70.72% (624 votes)

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

70.72% (596 votes)

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

70.72% (598 votes)

"Hear God?"
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."

70.7% (647 votes)

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

70.7% (601 votes)

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

70.68% (600 votes)

Q: What comes befor 8?
A: My school bus usually.

70.68% (615 votes)

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"


70.66% (597 votes)

A boy from a different country goes to an English school,the teacher says, "learn THREE words for TOMORROW".Then they had science,the teacher said TAKE OFF so he remembered TAKE OFF in his head,then they went to a trip to the ZOO he sees a ZEBRA so he remembered ZEBRA in his head, then at home time he sees a BABY so he remembered BABY in his head.

the next day the teacher says,"what THREE words did U remember?" the boy goes"TAKE OFF ZEBRA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

70.66% (601 votes)

Stone age: a group of children are sitting around the tree and one grown up is teaching them how to bring down the fruit with a rock.
Then all the children try to do that on their own. After everyone's done they separates into a small groups and walks home.
One of them complains, "I hate those physics".

70.66% (594 votes)

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of s*x education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of s*x education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

70.64% (596 votes)

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!

70.64% (597 votes)

Teacher: If you eat fish?
Student: It's good for my eyes.
Teacher: If you don't eat fish?
Student: It's good for the fish!

70.62% (601 votes)

Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"

70.56% (593 votes)

A student is sitting at an astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions,
"In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist."
"Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?"
"15 billion."
"whew, thanks, because I was really getting worried."

70.54% (597 votes)

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, beautiful!'"

70.5% (599 votes)

Teacher in class: Can anyone tell me what do you get if you subtract four apples from seven apples?
John: Where are the apples?

70.42% (607 votes)

TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.

70.4% (695 votes)

Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

70.28% (619 votes)

Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Son: No father I'll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: Who started?

70.12% (611 votes)

Q: Have you ever heard the joke that a stupid says, "NO"???
A: "NO"!!!

69.96% (605 votes)

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "What school?"

66.12% (121 votes)