Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The current technological innovation (the first writting in this web)

moula_moula 1 / 1  
Aug 1, 2009   #1
this is my first writing in this web .
i'm an arabic education and i try to learn english, i have been learning english since 8 months, i have problems in writing and i hope someone to correct my mistakes.

My university classified me in 002 level .

i wrote an essay about current technological innovation.

The needs is the mother of innovation.In the past,people need ways to take them from place to another place .A machine called car was invented to make the transportation easier than before .Nowadays,cars are developing,it becomes faster ,better mileage and more security for people and nature.

The first car was very slow ,it took many days to transport among the cities,whereas in the last century, it has been faster than before .The motor becomes big and has a best quality.The world gets small day after day that related to the developing of cars.

Cars is created to give better mileage that contribute to save money.Hybrid car is an automobile that is powered by two sources, an internal combustion engine, and an electric motor.It has a small pumps that reduce the dependency on oil.Saving money at the pumps or doing their small part to reduce our dependency on oil.The far distance becomes cheaper and less expensives.

Developing cars lead to the safety of people and nature.Normal cars emit a lot of pollution from their tailpipe.New cars avoid the global warming for such hybrid vehicles contribute 80 to 90 percent less to air pollution than conventional vehicles.They are a lot of accident caused by cars .The speed of new cars become deadly.New cars become more safety .New cars stop automatic if it will shock anything .New cars have a senser to avoid the accident .They are developing the security to be more comfortable and more safety for people.

Cars are the most important in the life . People used to use cars from ages .It becomes the hand and the jumb of people .Finally, all the inventions were created For people's happiness.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 1, 2009   #2
The needs is the mother of innovation.

"Necessity is the mother of invention," is the saying you're looking for.

I don't know how concerned you are with content, but the essay at the moment lacks depth. You have a list of facts about cars, written in paragraph form. A more interesting essay might have analyzed these facts to determine whether the benefits mentioned in the first half outweighed the disadvantages mentioned in the second half.

Of course, you may just be writing to practice grammar and style, in which case, you needn't worry about content much at all.

First tip -- the punctuation should be the same as it is in my comments; periods, colons, semi-colons, and commas have no space before them, and one space after them. This is really quite important, as essays with extra/missing spaces can be difficult for others to read, especially in the latter case.

Second tip -- verbs need to match the noun in number, and they need to be conjugated to reflect the tense you intend. For instance:

"Cars is created to give better mileage that contribute to save money" is doubly wrong. First, "cars" is plural. "Is" is singular. It would have to be either "Cars are" or "cars were." Second, you're talking about something that happened in the past. "is" and "are" are present tense. "Was" and "were" are past tense. So, in the case, the sentence should begin "cars were," so that the verb is both plural and past.

I'm sure other contributors will point out other things you can fix . . .
OP moula_moula 1 / 1  
Aug 2, 2009   #3
10x for your advice i'll do my best to be good in writting ,i'll follow your advice
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 2, 2009   #4
Sean's advise is very sound. Follow it. Here's my advice: Don't use a translation devise when searching for the word you want, as this will often lead to strange word choices. Try to say what you mean using the words you know. If you must look for a word, use a dictionary and read the definitions carefully before deciding which word (and which form of the word) to use.

Home / Writing Feedback / The current technological innovation (the first writting in this web)