Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Things That Make Me Snarf - Covers

This week's snarftastic webpage is really REALLY inappropriate. Please do not open when there are children around and then come after me with a blowtorch and some really smelly cheese with veins in it. I cannot stand stinky cheese. Stinky cheese equals torture in my book, only not really, because I don't think I referred to stinky cheese in my last book. Lima beans, yes. Stinky cheese no. Must get on that. (Makes mental note.)

Anyway, it's all about inappropriate children's book covers this week. Many make me snarf and some make me wince and a couple made me almost tinkle.

Actually, that was a lie. I just like to say the word "tinkle."

So here it is.

And this makes me think about YA book covers, because hey, I write YA and am apparently really self-centered when it comes to blogging. Really, I need an attitude adjustment, but my friend the chiropractor is always so busy when he comes down to see us.

Now, there's been a lot of talk about the headlessness of YA book covers lately. You can check out some prime examples of these covers, complete with snarftastic commentary here, but for those of you who just can't stand the separation anxiety related to leaving The Wonder That Is My Blog, I'll tell you about it.

Next time you're in the bookstore, head to YA and peruse the headnessness. Because there are umpteen covers that look like they hired me as the photographer: all the heads are cut off the cover models. Which kinda makes me wonder why they hired models, but anyway. This trend is evolving, too, because now it's a bunch of headless, legless girls with impossibly perky behinds.

And this above all scares me. Because the headless and legless girls are going to take over the world. It's inevitable, because we all know about teens and peer pressure, right? And if you're a teenager and you read about someone uber cool in a book and want to be all like them, and then you look at the cover to see that they're headless and legless? It's a foregone conclusion. Off with their heads (and legs)!

Now, the logical question is how to fend off the headless and legless hordes while they're chasing people around and pelting them with cherries. The best news about this is that they obviously can't run very fast. So in the absence of anything else, climb a tree or something; just don't fall out of it like our neighbor kid did. She ended up with three pins in her arm, the poor thing, and if the headless and legless hordes were there she would have been totally SOL. I was thinking that stinky cheese might work, but something tells me that their sense of smell might not be the best.

Y'know, with them missing their heads and all.

So apparently they're unstoppable. All of you with cherry allergies better run for the hills. Forget zombies. I'm afraid of the headless and legless hordes. When they come, please remember that I told you so.


Aaron Polson said...

I just want to say thanks. As a child, I spent many hours at the neighbor's house, reading Cracked magazine. This brought back some nice memories.

K.C. Shaw said...

Chick lit covers are getting more headless and legless models too. Maybe the trend has been around long enough that some of those YA models are old enough now for grown-up novels. Chilling thought: what if they have kids of their own? Will they be headless and legless too, and the new crop of baby name books and even board books will have headless and legless babies on the covers? *shudders*

Jamie Eyberg said...

Who would buy that book for their daughter? I don't even let my daughter have Bratz dolls.

Unknown said...

Hilarious! And rather disturbing.

Michele Thornton said...

What's the big deal? I mean, even I can outrun a torso! I'm more concerned about the torso-less legs cropping up out there like so many sneakered stalks of corn.

Check out my blog and you will see what I mean.

PJ Hoover said...

And I never even realized there was a trend!
Doesn't this cover remind you of "Get Lucky"?

Adrienne said...

Some of those were hilarious, but no one should mess with Winnie...
Funny, I blogged about inappropiate kid stuff too, today.

Carrie Harris said...

Aaron: I LOVED Cracked. (Big surprise, eh?) And Mad Magazine. I have very fond memories of their sendup of Star Wars.

KC: Oh, the headless and leglessness goes on and on, doesn't it? The board book idea made me snarf. :)

Jamie: Probably the same people who let their daughters dress like prostetots. (Makes mental note to post entry about this.)

Jeremy: I know, I know. That pretty much sums up my sense of humor, I think.

Michele: Good point. Unless the torso is flinging things at you, you should be safe.

PJ: Ah, blissful ignorance. I'm sorry to have ruined it for you. ;)

Adrienne: Great minds, huh? :)

Fox Lee said...

Oh good grief, it's a parade of crotches!

Unknown said...

Some more Children's Books gone wrong:


Anonymous said...

What upsets me about that kind of cover (especially headless) is that, to me, it promotes both anonymity and conformity at a time when a YA reader's uniqueness should be encouraged.

sruble said...

First there were no heads, now there are no heads or legs - no arms either in the one you showed (will have to check for arms at the bookstore).

What's next, random body parts? hee hee

Mary Witzl said...

I tried to respond to this yesterday, but my laptop decided to take an impromptu holiday.

I loved these inappropriate covers! They made me laugh aloud. There's omething about spending the whole day trying to be so proper and rule-following that makes this particularly attractive.