The Daily Gravy

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Celebration Assemblies














Exclusive Interview: Mr. Justis Explains How You Can Change the World

AISU – In a record-breaking long assembly for the high school and middle school last Thursday, American International School of Utah Academics Director Nathan Justis made what some are calling a “ridiculous” claim—that each student can change the world.

After receiving intense criticism for his “unrealistic expectations for naturally incompetent students,” which critics claim will “get the students’ hopes up, only to crush them once they remember they’re really lazy,” Justis agreed to an exclusive interview with the Daily Gravy to clarify his remarks. The key points from that interview are summarized below:

Daily Gravy: “What did you think about the critics saying that your claim was ridiculous and your students are incompetent?”

Mr. Justis: “I think it wasn’t very nice. I mean, even incompetent students can change the world. And our students aren’t incompetent at performing arts.”

DG: “What sort of change are you talking about?”

MJ: “Well, just everyday things can really make a difference. They might not seem like they make a huge difference, but they might really change someone’s world.”

DG: “Do you have any specific examples, so your students know what kinds of everyday things they can do to change the world for someone?”

MJ: “You know, just little things like brushing your teeth and clipping your fingernails can really change somebody’s world. For example, somebody might be having an awful day, and then they see you with your neatly trimmed fingernails and minty fresh teeth and suddenly have a renewed hope in mankind. I mean, that sort of thing happens to me all the time.”

DG: “I see. You say that sort of thing happens to you often. Can you give us a couple specific examples from your personal life?”

MJ: “Yes, of course. One time, during lunch, I was feeling especially hungry. Then this group of students walked past me, carrying paper bags from Five Guys. It was because of that that I realized I wanted to eat at Five Guys. I did, and it was very delicious. I really appreciate those students, because that meal was really good. I thank those students every time I see them and tell them how they changed my world that day.”

DG: “I agree, Five Guys is pretty good. I personally prefer Crown Burger, though.”

MJ: “Yeah, Crown Burger’s good, too. They’re sort of a different venue, though.”

DG: “True.”

MJ: “Yep.”

DG: What are your thoughts on discount movie theaters?”

MJ: “I think they serve a great purpose to the community. While the quality of the theater might not be the best, you also get to see a movie for a fraction of the price, which is, for a lot of people, more than worth it.”

DG: “Who’s your favorite character from Dora the Explorer?”

MJ: “I would have to say the squirrel who only speaks Spanish. I can’t remember his name right now, but he’s always struck me as a fun-loving, independent character, and I really admire his stubborn refusal to learn English, even though it’s clearly the primary language of everyone else in the show.”

DG: “Would you rather be forced to listen to a violin tuning or stab your ears with a mechanical pencil?”

MJ: “Ooh, that one’s tough. They both cause about the same amount of ear damage, right? But on the other hand, you face the danger every day of hearing a violin tuning by just walking through the halls at this school.”

DG: “That’s true. That was a pretty difficult question.”

MJ: “Yeah, it was.”

DG: “Well, thank you for your time”

MJ: “Of course. Thanks for asking me questions and stuff.”

DG: “You’re welcome.”

After the exclusive interview, Mr. Justis said he would release a list of “25 everyday things you can do to change the world today” sometime in the near future, along with a ranking of his favorite Dora the Explorer characters. He also promised to research the squirrel’s name.

Why and How to Vote Gravy for Student Body President


As you may have guessed by the updated subtitle on our website, the Daily Gravy is informally running for AISU Student Body President. Why? Primarily because we’ve been observing the U.S. presidential race, and we thought, why should Donald Trump have all the fun?

But we aren’t running in a formal manner, for a number of reasons. That number is 3. The first reason is we probably wouldn’t be able to because we aren’t really a student but more of a student body organization. The second reason is that it seems like a lot of hard work to fill out all those papers and be interviewed and everything. The third reason is that our campaign slogan is “Because Screw Authority” and if we ran by the rules we wouldn’t be screwing authority, we would be obeying it. And that’s no fun.

We as the Gravy do not expect you to vote for us just because it’s fun or because you like to screw authority, although we would be OK if you did that. Rather, we have outlined below a few things we will do if you elect us and reasons we think we are worthy of your unofficial vote:

  • If the Gravy wins, everyone wins: As president, the Daily Gravy will obviously not be able to preside at meetings and assembles like a good president should, so various AISU students will be given the opportunity to represent the Gravy at these official functions. These students would include current SBO candidates (besides Jarrett, he’s already had his chance); responsible, charismatic students; and even you! All high school students, big or small, who want to represent the Gravy will have the chance at some point throughout the Gravy’s presidency. This will include wearing an authentic Gravy T-shirt provided by TeeRex Tees and possibly a Gravy mask.


  • A vote for the Gravy is a vote against the system: You see, if you elect the Gravy as student body president, you have effectively beat a longstanding system without lifting more than a finger. Well done. How many high school students can say that?


  • Inter-school fantasy sports leagues for scholarship money: If the Gravy is elected, one of our first movements will be to start a fantasy basketball league and possibly a fantasy football league with 11 other schools across the valley. The winning team will be awarded money toward a scholarship, along with a trophy made of chocolate or something.


  • There won’t be so many celebration assemblies: I mean, they can be all right and maybe even useful once or twice a trimester, but we have them ALL THE GOSH DARN TIME. If the Gravy is elected, that won’t happen.


  • We will fight A/B schedules, the longer school day, and other 3.0 changes as much as we can: You better believe it. You’re welcome, people with flex schedules. And also everyone.


  • Psych: The Musical as a school musical possibility: Can you say, “The best thing ever”?


  • Get partial English credits for guest writing for the Daily Gravy: You’re already planning to do it anyway. Why not get English 12 credits for it? There’s also the possibility of a Gravy intensive. How fun is that?


  • No important school activities or meetings will be scheduled during primetime television: That’s just inconvenient for everybody.


  • Lastly, think Shawn Spencer in Psych: Season 7, Episode 10 – “The Santa Barbarian Candidate” before the part where he’s trying to not get elected. Hilarious.


By now, you’re probably either super excited and wanting to know how you can vote for the Daily Gravy so you can do it and beg your friends to do it too, or you’re extremely confused and wondering how on this green earth it’s even going to be possible to vote for us—or both. Well, it’s really quite simple. All you have to do is scroll back to up to the top of this article and select one of the “The Daily Gravy” options under the “Who are you voting for and why?” poll. That’s pretty much all the work you have to do. Then, when Bill Glad or whoever sends out the “official” polls for student body president, vote for Seth. Or Ritz. Or Lynzie, or Aatheven, or anybody (except Jarrett. He’s already had his chance). It really doesn’t matter, they’re all nice people. Then, when the authoritative figure like Mark Smith or whoever presents the student body president, that doesn’t really mean anything. Who’s authority to tell you what you believe? If you, the student body, accept the Gravy as AISU president, then galldangit, who’s going to tell you you’re wrong? If you, the student body, accept most of the decisions made by Gravy representatives (you), then they happen. That’s all you have to do to beat the system. That’s it, and you screwed authority. You show them. Vote Gravy.

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