Listen, princess.

Today MSNBC reports that British police are beginning a brand-new search for more clues in the Case of Princess Diana Crashing into a Wall at 595 mph.

OK. NB would like to help the British police. Here's what happened:

Diana, Dodi and the driver went to a huge bacchanal in Paris. They all got completely FOOKED UP, as anyone worth six-gazillion dollars (pounds. WHATEVER.) would have at such a get-together. All drunk and cokey, they decided to leave the party, get into a car and blaze through Paris. At some point, they entered a tunnel, the driver lost control and they became one with a support column. That's what fucking happened. Case cloused.

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