If we investigated campus theft like we investigate campus rape

Man: Officer, my car was broken into and my laptop was stolen.

Officer: Are you sure?

Man: Uh, yes. I was sitting right here in the driver’s seat. This guy I used to know opened the passenger door. I yelled “Hey! Get out!,” and after the initial shock (when I was simultaneously paralyzed by surprise and fear) I tried to push him out, but he was stronger. He grabbed my laptop from the back seat and then ran away.

Officer: Did you scream for help?

Man: I’m not sure, I mean, I think so. It all happened so fast and I was kind of scared. I thought the type of guy who forces his way into a car with a person sitting right there, well, he might be the kind of guy who could hurt someone.

Officer: Did he hit you or say he would hit you if you didn’t give him your laptop?

Man: I don’t…I don’t know, but I was really worried that he would.

Officer:  Do you always leave your computer in plain view in the back seat of the car when you are sitting in the driver’s seat?

Man:  But it’s my car. Can’t I have what I want in the back seat while I’m sitting here in the front seat?

Officer: Hmmm, well, I don’t know about that. Can you describe this man?

Man: Yes, like I said I used to know him. He has a tattoo of the school mascot on his left forearm and he has short blonde hair. His name is John Doe and he’s the captain of the football team.

Officer: Oh, hey, slow down there princess, you don’t want to falsely accuse someone of breaking into your car and stealing your computer.

Man: No, it was him. I’m sure. See, he even dropped his campus I.D. Hey, aren’t you going to take any notes?

Officer: Has this John Doe ever borrowed your computer before?

Man: What does that have to do with him stealing it now?

Officer: Just answer the question.

Man: I let him use it for a few months last year, but I told him he couldn’t use it again after he downloaded a virus.

Officer: Are you sure you didn’t invite him into your car and tell him that he could use your computer for old times’ sake and then you changed your mind after he left with it because you were mad at him because you found out he’d borrowed someone else’s computer too?

Man: What the…?

Officer: Hmm, well, if that’s what you think happened I’ll go back and file a report. And hey, don’t leave your computer in the backseat of the car again when you are in the front seat. That’s just asking for it.


Women on campuses around the U.S. often have their rape cases dismissed (that’s assuming there is even somewhere for a student to report that she or he was raped).

According to the report just released by Senator Claire McCaskill:

  • 10% of schools surveyed do not have a Title IX officer to report sexual assaults
  • 73% of campuses have no protocol for how to work with local law enforcement in cases of sexual assault
  • 22% of schools give athletic departments oversight of rape claims involving athletes
  • 41% of the schools surveyed have not reported a single rape case in 5 years


Large, validated surveys indicate 7.5% of women report that they were raped between the ages of 18 and 24, making the “no rape in 5 years claim” so troubling it is beyond words.

And some people have the gall to intimate that there isn’t a campus rape problem, although I guess if you stack the deck so much against the victim and only believe your own pundits then it’s very easy indeed to wonder why all the fuss?

Join the Conversation


  1. You make a great comparison and I hope it hits home for people. Thank you for drawing the excellent parallel. Just as most people would find this kind of treatment of a victim of theft unacceptable, so should they find this type of treatment of a victim of rape.

  2. So true. Well done!
    I was fortunate enough to get out of one sticky situation without incident. I feel for every woman who has had bad things happen. Thank you for being on your soapbox and using this platform well.

  3. First of all the analogy to theft is bogus because it doesn’t involve the autonomic nervous system a better analogy, although still in accurate would be stealing food. People do not often lie about theft in order to win a power struggle or to get revenge on someone, however girls often accuse guys of sexual assault in order to win a power struggle or simply to preserve their reputation: ” I’m a good girl. I would never have sex with a guy I just met so it must have been rape”

    They have revenge porn laws why don’t they have revenge sexual assault accusation laws.
    They have a “don’t be that guy” advertising campaign , why don’t they have a “don’t show him your boobs unless you mean it” add campaign.

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