Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What Would You Have Done? What Should I Have Done?

The question of the day is:
"Whether" can mean "which of two." Present two alternatives for your readers.

I was born and raised as a Catholic.  I chose to marry someone who was not Catholic and agreed to have the ceremony performed by the minister in my fiancés  church.  The minister agreed to have a priest preside along side of him, but I could not find a priest who was willing to do that.  According to the  Code of Canon Laws of the church, because I did not marry within the walls of a Catholic church and since  the sacrament was not performed by a priest, my marriage was not considered to be valid by the church.  I was essentially excommunicated and not allowed to receive any other sacraments, including communion.

This text was taken from the "Code of Canon Law; Title VII Marriage Chapter VI:

That marriage took place 43 years ago.  (We have since divorced).  Since then I have been to church only to attend the weddings, baptisms, or funerals of others.   
When attending a mass under those circumstances, I will adhere to and follow the various postures of the mass, i.e.: standing and sitting when instructed to do so.  But since I am no longer familiar with the etiquette of the rituals of the mass I am more of a respectful observer rather than an active participant. 

Last Saturday I was asked to give a eulogy for my Uncle at a memorial service.  The service was held in a Catholic church and was part of a mass.  I noticed that as others went up to the podium to do a reading, they would pause and genuflect while facing the alter, before proceeding up to the podium. 

As I waited for my turn to go up to the podium, I struggled with how I should proceed.  Should I try to follow the example of the others by genuflecting. Was there more to the ritual that I was not aware of?    Would it be disrespectful if I did not perform the ritual in the correct order or manner?   Would it be hypocritical for me do attempt to follow the ritual?

What would you do?   What should I have done?

I will reveal what I did in tomorrow's post.

Here is today's entry from Anna's Diary:
Wed. March 13 1929
Girls met in Arlington at Mrs. Saps. Corinne & Ted for supper.  Went to church play Gladys M. was in.  There was dancing afterwards.  I did  not dance.  Met Elsie & Dick. Mr. & Mrs. Wittenburg there.

Click here to see the post where I introduced Anna's Diary.


  1. I would have simply followed my heart.   The day was about your uncle, not the church.  I'm sure whatever you did was just fine.

  2. As I was told that I was condemned to Hell for eternity when I was 14 for something that I thought was a very minor offense I simply told myself that I was no longer Catholic and stopped all forms of Catholic ritual. I have much respect for ritual and spirituality but not for structured religion. There are parts of every religion that I admire and parts of every religion that I don't so I guess I am an Independent in the spiritual politics of Earth. As I wouldn't and don't know the protocol for what to do upon approaching the alter I would have simply with respect walked up naturally and honestly without the ritual....

  3. I am also a recovering Catholic.  And I would not genuflect.  There are rare occasions when I am present at Catholic rituals now (the weddings, funerals and such that you reference and the occasional time when I accompany my mother to church /c she likes that).  I tend to be an observer and to sit as far to the back as I can get away with.  I do follow the postures and I listen to what is being read and said.  But , in the situation that you describe, for me it doesn't seem right or necessary to genuflect.  You are no longer a participating member.  This particular gesture seems more personal and meaningful than just following the crowd.  I would feel hypocritical and awkward.  But then, what else is new?

  4. I am a recovering Catholic.   My take on this situation is "When in the Vatican, do as the natives do, and genuflect."  Just as a visitor to a Catholic service (always welcome) would sit, kneel and stand with the others members of the congregation, so might you genuflect.  This act is a sign of respect, so how could you be criticized for trying to apportion the correct amount of respect?  Cool post, Lynda.