Wednesday, June 20, 2007

True Wife Confession 192 member states of the United Nations

Confession #1911

You are cranky and overworked and overwhelmed, and you've been taking it out on me for the past couple weeks. It's not fair, but it's understandable, and I've put up with it. But last night, when I was exhausted and achey and pukey and just feeling like utter doo-doo, you came home early to help me out. You fixed your own dinner (ok, you warmed up your own leftovers) and put the baby to bed, and I was able to go to sleep at 8:30. THANK YOU SO MUCH for that. I know you're tired and stressed and you need a break. And I know you could have spent last night catching up on work or sleep. But this pregnancy is kicking my ass, and it means so much to me that you recognized how much I need a break too, and that you chose to spend last night putting my needs before your own. I love you madly, sweetheart.

Confession #1912

They are all talking about you behind your back. You wouldn't believe me if I told you this, because you'd think I was just saying this to piss you off. You don't understand empathy. It pains me terribly when I hear what they say.....sometimes they say these things to my face, because they assume I feel the same way.

Please get help. Please see a psychiatrist.

Why do you do this to yourself????

Confession #1913

I am the mother of 2 children. I do have a favorite child. That doesn’t mean I love the other one any less, I just have a favorite.

Confession #1914

I love you. It still shocks me how much I love you.
We're getting married this year, and I'm astonished by
how much I look forward to being your wife. Being
your family. I'm so glad to have had your baby, this
little connective piece between you and me.

I'm going to divorce you once the baby grows up and
moves out. You don't know this, and I can't tell
anyone. I hate the thought of ending the only
marriage I'll ever have, but I'm already looking
forward to it. I NEED this to look forward to.

Because I can't stand the thought of spending the rest
of my life invisible in here while you lose entire
weeks playing online games. I've given up trying to
talk to you about this; they're more important than we
are, I know, I won't fight that any more. You weren't
sure if your teammates would understand you being away
from the team for a few minutes when I needed help
with our screaming newborn and everything else in the
house... you weren't sure. What about ME not being
sure if I'M okay with you playing video games while I
try to hold everything in our joint world together by
myself? I don't count?

This is killing me. It hurts so badly.

So, I'm going to divorce you when the baby grows up
and moves away. Even though I believe that marriage
is a once-in-a-lifetime commitment, even though I hate
myself for going through with the wedding knowing it
can't be forever. I love you, and I want to be with
you, and I want to be your wife. I just wish I were
really getting a husband.

Confession #1915

I love you. I do, so much.

I am not her. I am NOT her.

I will not do what she did.

Please believe me.

Confession #1916

You only want to touch me when you're drunk.

Which is fine, because neither of us are really the touchy type.

But for the love of the gods of all religions kiss me just once without persuasion from good old Captain Morgan.

Oh, and another thing. Next time you decide to drink to the point of poisoning, I will rip all of your hair out and put a huge scratch on your guitar. I'm not mad that you threw up EVERYWHERE, I am mad because you were having delirium tremors! You're an idiot, darling. A real idiot. You could have killed yourself. I love you. Don't scare me.

Confession #1917

I could hardly believe the nerve of you telling me how to parent OVER THE PHONE when you had been gone for a week on a business trip and I am alone with our child, exhausted from not sleeping for days. The moment when you started preaching to me that I was wrong for letting her come into the bed at 2 in the morning, I wanted to shout FUCK YOU and hang up. I hadn't slept more than 4 hours in four days, shithead - what the fuck did I care? As you sleep in posh hotels, alone.

Confession #1918

I cannot deal with you anymore. You are bringing me down to the dark place I haven't been to in a very long time, you know the place where I want to hurt myself, make all the pain go away. You ask how mothers can kill their kids? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say unsupportive, whiney, petulant husbands play a role.

Yesterday was fathers day. Instead of being happy you are able to spend time with your three healthy children at an amusement park you pouted that you couldn't go on the adult rides, did you think we were going to leave the kids at the gate and say, ok stay here? Umm NO!!!!! If it wern't for these beautiful children you wouldn't be able to celebrate fathers day.

Instead of being grateful for the heartfelt homemade cards and gifts your kids made you, you tried to make me feel like shit because I didn't buy you a card, umm asshole, get over it, your CHILDREN made you things, my GOD!
Oh, and yes, I'm sorry I got you the wrong kind of cake, excuse me for not remembering that you dont like ice cream cake, i mean, its only got the stuff you like in it, give me a fucking break! Oh, and by the way, the kids and I got food poisoning from it and instead of helping out you fucking went out back and pouted about your miserable fathers day.

Allow me to put it into perspective for you.

On fathers day, some fathers watched their children die.
On fathers day some fathers visited grave sites.
On fathers day some fathers were visited by the military with the news that their child had died overseas.
On fathers day some fathers have been cut off by vindictive ex-wives, jail terms, time, distance of their own making, and demons they must fight.

You didn't get the right kind of cake and couldn't go on a roller coaster.

Your a fucking spoiled brat and right now I cannot stand you. I was asked on Friday what I was going to get you for fathers day, my answer was I wasn't going to kill you until Monday. Guess what, its Monday and I'm fucking tempted. You need to go see a counselor, or we both do, but you have issues and I'm SICK of you taking it out on me, do you understand me? How many more times will you try to cut me down and make me feel like shit because we don't live up to your expectations? You don't fucking SHARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS SO WHAT CAN WE DO BUT FAIL?????!!!!!!! Stop setting me up for failure and maybe, just maybe I'll start to give a shit about what you want anymore.

Confession #1919

I am jealous over your friend "G". Even though you have given me absolutely no reason not to trust you. Even though in the two years we've been together, I know that you have only spoken to her once. She has called and left messages for you at least three times, and I know you have never returned her calls. The only contact you have had with her was one phone call (she initiated the call) back when we first got together... and the two Christmas cards she sent you.

Now she has moved back from far away. This weekend is your birthday and we are planning a get together with friends. She will be there, and I will meet her for the first time. I am dreading it oh-so-much.

Confession #1920

I love you with all my heart. But your sexual rejection of me has taken its toll. I didn't stay behind this weekend just to see my Dad for Father's Day. I spent Saturday afternoon with another man. He's not as attractive as you, but he wanted me and that was sexy. He kept saying that you have to be insane to not want me. I think he's right. I'd rather have you, but I'll settle for him on the side.

Stop telling me what I feel, after I have told you what I feel. It only confirms that you aren't listening to me at all.


Dana - W for Whatever said...

1914 - I am just a tiny but confused. You are simultaneously looking forward to being his wife (line 4) and looking forward to no longer being his wife once you are (line 9).

I don't mean to be judgemental but that makes absolutely no sense. If you know from now that in the relationship is not where you want to spend the rest of your life, why marry him?

Anonymous said...

1914 - STOP ! Do not pass go, do not collect wedding ring. Read your post again - you need to back off and think this through for your sake and your child's sake.

Anonymous said...

1918- well said sister- and sorry to agree but your ol man sounds like a dick. If I were you - I'd hold out on the sex - gets mine everytime. Kudos to you for attempting to make a great Fathers Day for him - after many a year of mine acting like that - he's lucky he got breakfast. ((( )))

Anonymous said...

1920, My husband stopped touching me a while ago. I know how you feel about wanting your husband, but having the other guy, because GAWD! Somebody, anyone will do at this point, just so that I know I'm still beautiful.

Anonymous said...

1918 - I know all to well the frustration you're feeling. It won't get better until you let this all out to him.

1920 - Please be careful with your heart. I know this other man makes you feel wanted. For now you are ok with it being the side dish. That won't last. Soon you will want the gourmet meal. Believe me, I speak from experience.

Anonymous said...


As a dad the only thing I wanted was a card from my son, which was made for me in his pre school and it nearly made me cry this was all that I wanted, my partner went on and on at how i wouldn't get anything from her, which i told her I didn't mind as it is to come from my son, I spent the whole day with him and it was great. He is an A'hole

Anonymous said...

1913: Nice. I hope your kids don't see that.

1914: Oh my GOD! WHY would you marry this guy? Seriously...rethink this situation because it is really not rational. Don't do that to yourself and this man and your kid.

Anonymous said...

Pookie Six- u don't have kids do you? Or your not being true- I too have a favorite. I highly doubt she shows favortism - she was coming here to CONFESS - oh wait- I forgot - you didn't read the FAQ's of the site- you are probably an Uber Mom. Your world is perfect. Forgive me.

Anonymous said...

1913- As a child who had parents with a favorite I have to say that we do know the difference and from a young age. Even though my parents thought they treated us equally, I definitely knew my sibling was the favorite and I was mainly an afterthought. Kids can sense this kind of thing even if you think you're being discrete. They know and it has lasting effects. BTW, my sibling who was the favorite has had a hard time with it too. It wasn't good for either of us.

Anonymous said...

#1914 - I am currently going through a divorce and it's the most painful thing I've ever had to deal with.

I'm not sure why you're doing your child will have a "family"? So you can have stable financial support? I really don't get it. It seems like you're fooling him into believing there's a relationship so he'll stay there for the child. Are you just using him?

I can't think of any reason anyone would knowingly put themself, their husband (who you claim you love), and their child through something as traumatic as a divorce.

Anonymous said...


YES! I am an uber mom. Boy, you read me like a book.

Look, kids see and hear everything going on. If you think you are doing a favor to your kids by playing favorites and they are not'll wish you hadn't when they are older. But that's okay...I'll sit over here and play "uber mom".

Anonymous said...

1914 - Please, please, please if you love yourself and your child do not marry this man if your ultimate goal is divorce. If this is the way you feel now think about how you will feel in 5-10-15 years. How will your child or your husband feel? No one should live their lives with someone they don't like or someone who doesn't like them. You, your child and your partner deserve better.

1920 - That feeling of being wanted is very powerful, isn't it? Just be careful with your heart and theirs (your husband's and your lover's).

Anonymous said...

1913: I do too.

Anonymous said...

To 1913

I have four kids myself and I also have a favorite. I don't believe other parents when they say they don't...

You're not alone by any means!

Unknown said...

I am my parents' favourite. I know it, my brother knows it. I HATE it.

I don't think my parents loved us differently, but there was ZERO doubt about who was the favourite. Kids know. We knew. We STILL know. Luckily my brother knows I don't like it - we've talked about it.

All I'm saying is, I'm sure parents DO have favourites. But I wouldn't kid yourself that the kids don't feel it.

1914 - I'd love to get in your head & see where your line of reasoning is coming from. Listen to the others who commented. You are setting yourself and your child up for A WORLD of hurt.

Anonymous said...

#1914: If you go ahead with marrying this man now and make it easy for him to have a semi-relationship with his child while he loses himself in online games, he will never quit. He will NEVER quit.

You know what might make him quit? If you told him that you were leaving, and taking the baby with you, if he didn't quit the online games. Now. (Note: I don't think online games, per se, are bad, just like I don't think alcohol, per se, is bad - I have a glass of wine by my side right now. But an alcoholic has to forego alcohol, and it sounds as though her husband is addicted to his online games.)

I'm serious. The best thing you can do for your child, yourself and this guy is to tell him that it's you and the baby, or the games - he can't have both. Yes, it would break your heart to leave him. Yes, it would be tragic if he really never gets to know his child. But, if you stay with him and divorce him later, you and your child will be devastated then as well.

There is no very good solution here. But the BEST thing you can do is to REFUSE to marry him until he gets real about the online games. Would you marry a drug addict? No? Well, I certainly don't think drugs are the same as games, but his addiction is keeping him from being a real partner and father just the way a drug addiction would be. You are not making life any better for yourself or your child by enabling this guy, ESPECIALLY because you love him so much.

I'm so sorry if I sound critical. I don't mean to be. You are clearly in enormous pain, and your fiance is an ass. Really. But you're about to make a big mistake here, and I would suggest that you really, truly consider all of your options before hitching your life to someone who values his online teammates more than he does the well-being of you and the child you have together.

Unknown said...

#1914 - Why do you want to get married if you are so sure you want to divorce? What is the point of this marriage if you are starting out on the wrong note with negative emotions?

I have just gone thru a divorce and its the most painful thing I have ever done..

Please think this thru. Think about what you REALLY want in your life before making any decisions..

Anonymous said...

I am 1913 - that was my confession. My children are the best thing that happened to me. One is 12 - the other is 4 - we lost one (stillborn) in between. I too am my fathers favotite and I see where it has hurt my brother. I NEVER show favortism - but my son and daughter have very different personalities. My son minds, does his chores, and SLEEPS. My daughter- does everything we ask her NOT to. She's just a challenge thats all - doesn't by any means mean I show favortism. Pookie Six, I'm sorry for whoever commented on you being an Uber mom - but seriously -isn't this a place to come and confess? Geez- It's a confession b/c I would never ever tell my children that - and to those Moms who admitted that they too - have a favorite - I thank you from the bottom of my sincere heart. You're honesty and support means a lot.

Anonymous said...

I am the favorite child, niece, and granddaughter. Everyone knows it. It is NOT good. You may think you hide it, but as others have said, be assured that you do not. Your children know.

This is not to say that I don't understand how it would be easy to have a favorite...I was very easy to control, listened well, got great grades, was responsible, etc...But please, if you say that you love your children the same, look for the great, unique things in your more challenging child and focus on those. I promise that she knows she is not the favorite. She'll end up resenting you and her sibling.

Anonymous said...

GOOD LORD- it was a confession- she gets way more attention than he does. I'm afraid he's the one (who is my favorite) that will end up resenting HER - the world revolves around her and he sees it and never complains. EVER- so please- saying she will resent me? Fuck- I can't get her off my hip long enuff to take a piss - much less stop to give my son a hug. She gets everything and he gets DICK- so don't slam me about her resenting me - He's my favorite and he always will be - my first born, my caring -sweet- giving loving child - who also caters to her every whim. She's - my payback as all of our mothers have wished on us. THAT'S ALL! JEEESUS!

Anonymous said...

Dear #1914 - Please read all of the above comments. WHAT. THE. HELL. ARE. YOU. DOING? You CAN'T simulataneously look forward to being someone's wife AND want to divorce him too. Don't do this! You will live together and become spiteful and resentful of one another. Children are very perceptive - your child will see that you are unhappy and they will hate you.

Dear #1918 - I see you have FOUR children.....Three that you birthed and one that you married. Any dad should be THRILLED to have 3 happy healthy children who love him.

Anonymous said...

She's only 4. I bet when she's a little older you'll find you love her and enjoy her just as much as you do your son. I only have one child, but I have a niece that's 4 and nobody enjoys her!

Anonymous said...

1913 My sister (my twin sister) was totally my father's favorite. She had keys to his car before we had drivers' licenses. I drove it five times in all the time we owned it, and only with express permission. I got a full scholarship (tuition, room, and board) to college; my sister went to a private school out of state. I asked Dad for $500 for a computer. He refused. "That's a lot of money!" That was over 10 years ago, and it still hurts. My sister could do no wrong; no matter my accomplishments, they weren't enough. I tried to tell myself that she gets more because she needs it.
I still think it's a great confession. Your children know you love them and they'll know that fair doesn't always mean getting the exact same thing. Sometimes it means everyone gets what he needs. And I totally understand having favorites: there are kids at camp that I like better than others simply because they're not as needy.

Anonymous said...

1914, do you honestly think a guy that emotionally disengaged would make anything other than a super-shitty father? Sounds like you should cut your losses with Game Boy.

1913, you seem smart enough not to let on, and it doesn't hurt that your kids are far apart in age. My baby bro was the fave, and I always knew it, but it never bothered me much. He was the cute easy baby and I was the mouthy pain in the ass, so frankly it made sense. Today, without the stress of trying to raise kids on a shoestring budget in an evil little town, things have smoothed out and we're all quite close.

Anonymous said...

I have two children, and I have a favorite. My favorite is whichever one is not defying me.

Anonymous said...

1913: wow, my life is exactly the same 14 yr old son, 5 yr old daughter...i get criticized about it all day long too...i cant change what i feel in my heart tho...and i would die for them both in a heartbeat, not him before her or vice versa, u know?

Anonymous said...

1914, honey as a woman married to a man that addicted to his online computer games, and spends more time with his friends on there than he does with his family, I am telling you run, run, run. Tell him that you wont marry him unless he gets help. And stick to your guns. Your life will be miserable if you go through with this marriage, unless he gets out of this cycle, and he wont get out of the cycle unless you make him get help. Someone that has been there, and is there.

Anonymous said...

1914, you are an idiot if you marry this guy. This is your chance to get out, take it stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

#1913 is a WONDERFUL Mom. I've told her this before and I will tell all of you the same thing.

I only hope that I can have one OUNCE of the love, giving, and caring ability for my baby that she has for her 2.

YOu inspire me. You always have!! And I knew this!!!

Anonymous said...

#1913 me too. I understand.

Anonymous said...

Hey 1914, what are you, a retard, or something? If I could go back in time and not marry my ex-husband, I'd do it in a heartbeat to prevent the heartache that loser put me through.
You're in for a world of hurt if you go through with it.

Anonymous said...

OK, I just found your site, so I know I have a lot of catching up to do. I will, I promise. But, in the meantime, please trust me, because I know. No father is way better than a crappy one. GET RID OF HIM. Your child deserves better, and I have a hunch that you do, too.

Mom! said...

I'm trying out something similar for parents -- Truth in Parenting. Maybe it's a good idea. Maybe it won't get anywhere, but the parents I hand out with sure could use a place to vent.

Send truths to:

Love this site -- just wish life wasn't so sad so often. And we could all be a little more honest.

Anonymous said...

1914 - Remember that your "husband", and I use that term very loosely, is a role model for your son or daughter. If it's a girl, she'll learn that she is to be ignored and emotionally neglected in a relationship. If it's a boy, he'll learn that women are not worthy of respect and that being socially disconnected is normal. As a divorcee, there's no such thing as "just getting a divorce". It sucks. I ended up with a white streak in my hair from the trauma, and our divorce was as easy as it got.

My brother is my parents' favorite. They always said they treated us the same. It's BS, and it hurt.

Anonymous said...

ha. my mom has always been CRAZY about making sure to be PERFECTLY EQUAL in everything between my brother and I.

She says she has no favorite child.

My brother thinks I'm the favorite.
I think he is.

I guess that means she really doesn't have a favorite!

I've seen families like 1918 described in her comment on Supernanny - the older, responsible, quiet kid who gets no attention, the younger bratty impossible kid who gets everything. The older kid gets resentful, and the younger kid learns negative behavior gets you mom's undivided attention. Be careful with that situation.

Hopefully your daughter will outgrow her bratty 4 year old stage. Just make sure to praise your older kid for being a good kid along the way, and make sure you NEVER say to your daughter "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Kiss of death.

I really believe that some parents "have a favorite child" and some don't. It's not about loving them more or less, it's about what you LIKE about them. like and love are not the same thing. And even parents who don't have a FAVORITE child love their children in different ways. You have to. They're often very different people.

Like my mom doesn't have a favorite: my brother is the smarter more successful one, i'm the one who's better adjusted socially and emotionally. now if one of my parents were a professor or someone who only really identified with academic and business success, they might say "brother is my favorite child." But since they aren't and don't, they just love us differently.

I'm really trying to say that I think having a favorite child and not having a favorite child are the same thing, they're just labelled differently by different people. As long as you're not neglecting one kid in favor of another, you're fine.