BEFORE I start, let me make one thing absolutely crystal clear: I have nothing against the dead as a whole.

In fact, many of my heroes belong to the dead community - like Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and the bloke who played Tosh Lines in The Bill.

It may even surprise you that I myself am descended from a long, long line of dead people.

So I don't hate the dead. But I do feel very strongly about them coming back as zombies, and trying to eat my brain.

But there's one thing that refuses to die: Groundbreaking movie franchises. No, two. Groundbreaking movie franchises and really crappy movie franchises. Police Academy had seven films for God's sake! SEVEN! That's more than The Godfather and The Lord Of The Rings combined!

Maverick horror director George Romero is up to four in his influential zombie franchise.

He started nearly 40 years ago with the groundbreaking, low budget, black-and-white Night Of The Living Dead. Two more followed: Dawn Of The Dead (1978) and Day Of The Dead (1985), both of which (especially Dawn, the one set in a shopping mall, and remade last year) are well worth checking out on DVD. They're so beloved by movie nerds because they aren't just out-and-out horror movies - each makes the zombies into a clever analogy.

There's comparisons with consumerism, race, equality, and in Land Of The Dead big business, the disparity between the First and Third Worlds, terrorism by the dispossessed, and a lot of eating guts. That last one isn't a metaphor.

In Land Of The Dead, America is overrun with zombies. Mankind has managed to hold out a bit, and some survivors have built a gated community called Fiddler's Green.

Inside the rich live well, the poor live badly, and the zombies live outside - and they're starting to evolve and think about more than just shuffling around. They're thinking about getting organised, getting in, and getting those delicious brains.

There's lots of subplots to get you caring more about the characters.

Dennis Hopper plays Kaufman, a CEO who's clearly modelled on a current American president (I won't name him... he might sue).

Mercenaries (John Legui-zamo and Simon Baker), who work for Kaufman, go into zombie territory to find supplies.

Both of them dream of escape - one to Canada and the other to the glittering up-market tower block in the city.

The first evolving zombie Big Daddy (Eugene Clark) is learning to communicate with his fellow undead, and resents the living and their fancy goods.

But this franchise only has one main story: Zombies are going to get you. Then they're going to eat your brain.

I did enjoy this flick, but it's not the triumph it could have been. The earlier Romero zombie films had the novelty of being the only movies of their kind, and the 2004 Dawn remake was far more terrifying.

Land Of The Dead might be a gruesome, bloody film, but it lacks a bit of tension.

But how can you be critical when you get to see an army of zombies storming a walled city? Every movie should have one - it'd certainly make Merchant Ivory films less dull.

As a big Romero fan, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd seen a lot of this before. Then I remembered... I have been to the Land Of The Dead.

It was a place of decay and rot, where terrifying human husks moved with a slow, jerky shuffle. That's the last time I go on a day-trip to Eastbourne.