What actually is a quarter-life crisis?

And how to know if you're having one

Growing up, we probably all had a rather stereotypical idea of what a mid-life crisis looked like: men would go out and buy a red, impractical sports car, and married husbands and wives would cheat on their partners with someone young and care-free.

But no one ever prepared us for that feeling of 'crisis' in our earlier years. After all, that's when you have it all and experience the most fun and freeing years of your life, right?

What is a quarter-life crisis?

According to a recent study by LinkedIn, the so-called 'quarter-life crisis' can begin as early as 25, up to your early 30s, and is brought about by a feeling of unease in all areas of life - from careers to relationships. They found 75% of young individuals feel this way.

"Anything that causes us to ask ourselves those big, crunchy questions about our own lives can make us reflect on where we are", Lisa Quinn, life coach and founder of Appley Coaching, tells us. "A friend getting engaged, feeling bored at work, the start of a new year, or just someone we follow on Instagram having a lovely time when we aren’t" can all bring about a sense of panic.

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What are the main triggers?

LinkedIn found that job frustration or dissatisfaction is often the biggest trigger. As Lisa notes, "It’s often a time in our lives when we’ve been in our careers for a few years, but not long enough to be seeing or feeling the benefits yet."

However, for young women there are often lots of things happening at once that can cause us to feel out of control.

"With the young women I coach it’s often several factors", she says. "Their lives feel relentless. They are working incredibly hard, and yet because of student debt, high rent and the cost of living; they don’t feel they have enough money to live the lives they feel they 'should' be living, or the lives that their parents led at their age.

"Life today is tough for young people. Social media is brilliant in lots of ways, but it’s not real life, and it can suck you into thinking that everyone else’s curated lives are perfect. Your mid 20s to early 30s can be a time when a lot goes on – friends’ lives can often move at a different pace to your own – and that can lead to unhelpful comparisons."

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How can you tell if you're having one?

The signs of a quarter-life crisis may not be immediately obvious, and it can creep up on you over time. Lisa says, "If you are feeling a general sense of dissatisfaction with one or more area of your life and it’s not going away, that might point to you needing to make some changes if you want to feel more fulfilled.

"Listen to your instincts. Sometimes, you may be exhausted, and all you need to sort yourself out is a few early nights. It’s never a good idea to make big decisions when you are tired.

"But if it’s a more general 'I don’t know what I am doing with my life', then it might be time for you to think about what makes you happy or unhappy, and make some changes."

Identifying the issue

The process of identifying what's bothering you may take days or even weeks, but Lisa recommends putting a bit of space between you and the issue to try and figure it out. "Ask yourself some philosophical questions", she recommends. "'What would I do if I had a magic wand? What would I say to myself if I were my best friend? What advice would I give to myself if I was looking back on this situation in a year’s time? Or five year’s time?'"

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"A good exercise to help you explore your own life is to get a piece of paper and a pen and divide your life into sections – Career, Friends, Family, Partner, Fun, Health, Money, Personal Growth, Environment – you can add in any section you want or take sections out if they aren’t relevant to you.

"In each section, rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10. Don’t spend too long doing it; just write down the first number that comes into your head. This could give you a clear steer of where you need to focus your energy in order to improve things.

"Don’t put pressure on yourself to make it perfect right away, just think what steps you could take to make it better. For example, if health is a currently at a four, think of three things you could do this month that would move it to a seven."

How to cope with your crisis

"If you think your crisis is affecting your health either physically or mentally, or that you have depression, anxiety or a serious mental problem, talk to your GP", Lisa says.

"If you don’t think your problem requires a doctor, friends and family can also be helpful – as long as you trust them to give you an honest answer and not to tell you what they think you want to hear.

"Or you can choose to work with a life coach. The good thing about a coach is that they’ve got no agenda other than working with you to bring about the changes that you want - whether that’s a new job, more confidence, or improving your fitness levels."

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