Prefer being eaten out to sex and my boyfriend doesn’t like it

sex Original
annoymous9 2928 2020-05-22 12:39:17

So I love being eaten out but the last few months or so I’ve been so near to cumming and then my boyfriend just stops and we start to have sex instead, when I ask him to finish me off he just says “so you prefer being eaten out to sex” I love sex but I love being eaten out too, maybe even a little more! It’s harder for women to cum from sex but I don’t think he realises this, I do cum when having sex but I cum way more from being eaten out, I’ve tried to make him understand but he doesn’t. I try to tell him, eat me out first and then when I’ve came we can have sex. What should I do? Because I don’t think it’s fair that he ALWYAS gets his big finish but I don’t 😓 But also he doesn’t want sex as much lately, we use to have it quite often and now I’m lucky if I get some once a week, but I don’t know why. Does anyone have any ideas that could help me? Thank you

norwegiandoggo 1045 5m


Being eaten out is sex. It's part of sex. Geez. Not everything is about dick in vagina. But how often do you go down on him?

I'm sure he feels inadequate somehow. So if you want more sex you may need to reassure him and give him some positive encouragement. It's not nice to feel that a certain sexual act is demanded.

I'm sure you wouldn't feel good if he told you to suck his dick for 20 minutes or there would be no penis in vagina for you because he needs to come first. It goes both ways

annoymous9 373 10m

Yeah he does and no I know I get exactly what you’re saying 100%, but I give him so much! I’ll suck him off without expecting anything in return, I’ll suck him off and then he can go off to work and I’m so happy that I’ve pleased him, but he never seems to want to please me.

norwegiandoggo 74 19m

I think he wants to please you but probably feels like he is really bad at it. Which makes him feel inadequate again. So it's a negative cycle.

annoymous9 71 20m

He’s amazing at it tho! What do you think I should do?

shaundraughn 46 3h42m

I hate to say it, but it’s an ego thing for him. He’s feeling inadequate. And the easiest solution is to tell him that the orgasm from oral will make an orgasm from PIV that much better. If he doesn’t get that then you may have tell him something like ‘don’t you want me to have as big an orgasm as possible’ , kind of like a starter meal before the main course, if that makes sense.

drawinglizards 48 5h20m

I really think that's bullshit. It's never a good idea to lie to your partner just to cater to their ego. That's how these shitty misconceptions about sex get perpetuated. He gives her amazing orgasms with his tongue, what's wrong with that?

shaundraughn 1 5h23m

I was under the understanding that he, doesn’t. And that he, like most guys, think their dicks are all you need. Which stems from machismo porn culture. I could be wrong though.

Direct-Priority 4 6h19m

No, most guys want their dick to be a source of pleasure. It's even worse when women are very obviously unenthusiastically trying to please you when they have to do the work in PIV sex.

drawinglizards 3 6h0m

No you're right, my bad. In the comment you replied to, OP said "he's amazing at it!" I going based off of that. I should have said "he has the potential to" since he stops short of actually making her come.

ghostwoofer 3 6h2m

Personally I’m 10 times more likely to have an orgasm from PIV sex if I’ve been eaten out first. Doesn’t even have to be eaten out to completion, just spend some time down there for a few minutes and I’m ready to rock and roll.

Rotting_pig_carcass 1 3h57m

Good advice

Rude-Definition 6 2h29m

Make him take the time & massage you with tongue,fingers what ever it takes to please you. It's not a 1 sided picture. It's pleasure for both. Just my opinion

sdmh77 2 4h18m

You could make it fun. Maybe he has ice in his mouth or you do you while he’s somewhere else like your boobs?

FunctioningCog 1 6h22m

Try googling ways to deliver constructive criticism. With a sensitive topic like sex, most people are gonna go on the defensive pretty easily upon receiving criticism if it isn't approached in an equally sensitive manner*. Some things to keep in mind:

  • Make it about your experience rather than about what he does "wrong" ("I get so close to coming when you eat me out and if you let me decide when we move away from oral I'll really go wild" vs "You don't eat me out long enough for me to come")

  • Explicitly articulate the criticism is not a reflection of his entire sexual performance. And to support that sentiment...

  • Take the time to praise what's working really well! I for one tend to adopt an 'optimization' mindset where I draw my attention to ways to make a situation even better without expressing the parts of the situation that are already good, which from an outside perspective comes off as "focusing on the negative".

*Maturity and practice can soften this defensive reaction, but it's tough to be raised in a culture that teaches us 1) self-worth in general and masculinity specifically are tied to one's ability to please one's partner and 2) sexual performance is a talent we should inherently possess and not a collaboration we can communicate about and learn. Also some people won't respond well to criticism no matter how it's delivered, and that's a problem between them and their ego or some other internal conflict, not a problem with the deliverer!

nicecanadianeh 1 10h44m

Just tell him thats what you like to do first, seems pretty reasonable.

norwegiandoggo -41 24m

What do you do when he goes down on you? If he senses you are disappointed then of course that's the opposite of what you want.

So I would express delight in every way you can for every second he goes down on you. Tell him it feels amazing..moan, shake, grab is head, tell him it feels perfect. That will surely increase the likelihood that he will go down more often and for longer. You gotta reward his behavior. Not give him a disappointed look.

If he stops a bit short of your orgasm..try to hold back your disappointment and not let him see that. Try to enjoy the sex and just keep encouraging him next time he goes down. Eventually he'll do it more and more and longer and longer. Sex is not all about the orgasm. It's about so much more.

Edit: It seems like mostly women hate my comment, and mostly men love it. Funny how we see things differently

Edit 2: Woah the downvotes I'm getting. I see the people who disagree argue a moral stance that "she shouldn't put herself lower than the guy. He has the issue, and she shouldn't have to change or fake it". I am not coming from that angle at all. I don't care who is right or who has issues or who should change. I care about the outcome. An outcome that OP can be in control over. This advice works. And you may not like it or think its wrong, but it works. And that's the whole point. To solve OPs problem. There are other ways to fix the issue, sure. But what I proposed also works. OP can do this herself, and it's easy, and it works. So I don't see why I'm getting all the hate.

darnyoulikeasock 95 2h11m

I don’t think you’re giving BAD advice necessarily, but it’s in a way flawed. She shouldn’t have to fake anything or make him feel like it’s okay that he doesn’t take the proper amount of time to care for her. This sounds like a man who has some sort of inadequacy complex, which is something they’ll have to talk through together. Of course she should express what she loves, but she should also kindly express what isn’t working for her. No one should be unhappy in sex.

OP, I would sit down and have a conversation where you explain that you love PIV, but it’s just biologically more difficult for women to orgasm that way. Explain that you don’t get to orgasm as frequently if he doesn’t spend the time on oral. Just because you come once doesn’t mean you can’t come again, and I know for me, penetration is a million times better if I’ve already come from oral. Just be honest and try not to use blaming language.

frocksoffantasy 66 2h25m

This is really bad advice. You’re basically telling her to not communicate her genuine feelings. That’s not how you fix a bad sex life.

Loco_Mosquito 51 2h57m

Is he a toddler? Why should she have to do this? She gives him blowjobs without expecting anything in return and without him having to pat her on the head and put on a big production about how wonderful it is. She does it because she understands he likes it.

And along the same lines, why should she have to hide her disappointment? Your advice is basically to only show him emotions that won't hurt his feewings like he's a damn child.

Just to be clear, I'm not attacking you, but I think this level of coddling is absolutely ridiculous and if this is what's* truly needed, she should find herself an actual adult to date.

*Edited to fix a typo.

Cristianana 14 2h57m

This is terrible advice

Monarc73 11 3h36m

You putting the emotional load on her, essentially saying 'suckitup and stop complaining, it'll get better. Eventually.' News flash, it won't. Not w/0 some very explicit direction, and maturity on his part. He needs to understand that OP is not 100% satisfied, and if he is ok with that, then some more serious changes might be in order. Especially if he is now withholding sex as a result of her self advocating.

indigo_tortuga 10 3h46m

wtf? Why would you fake that things are awesome if they aren't and why wouldn't you talk about your disappointment to your partner? Shouldn't your partner be mature enough to put their ego aside so that yall can have a frank and honest discussion over your sex life?

jdiver47 -2 2h9m

Too many idiot down voters feel you should move on to someone else.

Good luck.

comeinsidemeetthemrs 5 4h15m

While I think you mean well, I have disagree with most of your comment. Of course positive reinforcement is a fantastic thing, but since she specifically asks him to go down on her and she specifically asks him to help her orgasm in that way and she specifically says that they can still have PIV after, I have to disagree that he doesn't realize that this is something she wants/enjoys a lot.

I do believe he feels inadequate, but not about his cunnilingus skills. It sounds far more to me like he feels inadequate or perhaps even jealous that she wants to come in a way that has nothing to do with his penis. It reminds me of when people are upset about their partner using toys. He seems to feel that he can just ignore her desires and move on to what he wants, even when she is explicitly telling him that's not what she wants.

To be clear, I do not believe in tit-for-tat, e.g. "she goes down on him freely so he should do the same for her." Not everyone likes or wants the same things. But when your partner is telling you what they want and need, and it is something you can give, it's shitty to just decide to ignore it because you don't feel like doing some self work (to get past your hangup). If he didn't like giving oral or was self conscious about it, that would be a whole different issue. But it appears he's fine with giving it, just not to climax because then he feels like something is being taken away from him.

So ultimately, best case scenario, he's allowing his insecurities to make him behave selfishly. Worst case, he's just selfish in general. And I say this Not because she is entitled to oral in general, but because he is consistently choosing his own wants, and actively ignoring hers, instead of communicating and compromising with his partner.

*Edit: typo

Lucifer0290 -7 2h3m

This this this this this!!!!! I absolutely love when my woman is vocal and noisy when i go down on her. Sometimes I stop right before her big finish on purpose! (She enjoys penetration more than oral though!) The more vocal you are the more confident and encouraged your SO will be. Give it a shot! Also, hold his head in place by holding his hair! Get a little rough! There's nothing wrong with being a little forceful to enjoy your sexual escapade and find that satisfying release!

unimpressiveotter 2 3h47m

The question is, how long does that take you? He might just be feeling inadequate, bc you say you always get so close, and also that you cabt cum from sex. He is just probably feeling insecure and thinking hes not good enough for you. You need to try to reassure him as much as possible, make him feel like a dynamo lol. Of course you shouldnt have to sacrifice your desires, but maybe theres a better compromise. Bc the current situation isn't fair for either of you. Maybe yall can schedule a few times a week that's just oral sex (equal times for each of you) and a couple times thats PIV. It might not be super sexy trying to schedule, but things may take a more natural course from there!

thegerman64 4 4h7m

You shouldn’t have to schedule it. He should eat you for hours because pleasing you pleases him...at least it should.

Tie his ass to the bed and ride his face like a Harley

unimpressiveotter 3 4h11m

Shouldnt have to, for sure. That's why I said things may take a more natural course from there. I'm sure if it were 'her time for oral' he would make her cum and be so turned on he wanted to have PIV after and then hopefully everybody wins? Lol.

CurlyCurler 0 8h40m

I think next time you give him oral you should stop right before he climaxes and see how he likes it.

openmindedinop -6 2h15m

You sound perfect to me. I love oral and giving orgasms. I think its really hot to eat a woman and use your fingers as well and then when she is cumming to start fucking. My experience is that she has an even bigger orgasm and wants to be fucked hard

Nalomeli1 1 3h4m

And you sound perfect to me! So many guys forget the fingers during oral! I always use my hands when giving head so why not do the same for the ladies?!

openmindedinop 1 8h1m

Why thank you

fdomfet 114 2h9m

No offense but I don't think you're making much sense. Especially your last paragraph. I mean you said it yourself oral is sex. And women and men are completely different. If a guy cums he may need to wait a bit for his refractory period but if a woman cums from clitoral stimulation she can still have vaginal sex immediately after. Also your assuming that she wouldn't like to suck his dick for a long time.

Either way a lot of women can only cum ftom clitoral stimulation. My girlfriend takes longer than me and she can only cum from clitoral stimulation so I will go down on her and make her cum first becuase I always want her to cum. If I spend twenty minutes to make her cum it doesn't mean it's one-sided. Everyone's body it different and one person may take longer than the other. It doesn't mean it's unfair.

a0n0n0i0e 29 3h56m

yeah i agree, so in this case, if she doesn’t get to cum from oral and goes straight to sex without her orgasm being guaranteed, then it IS one-sided bcuz in the end HE still gets to cum.

fdomfet 12 5h10m

Yeah the order of who gets to cum first shouldn't matter either, it's just about them both getting off. I feel like most guys enjoying giving their significant other an orgasm, becuase it feels great to give your partner so much pleasure. If I get to cum and I know I can make my significant other cum but I don't, that feels a bit selfish.

LuckyFeedback 15 4h32m

Yeah I agree, the comment you responded to was odd and sort of weird and accusatory.

mlke 0 3h54m

What if you just aren't super into giving oral and your gf suddenly needs it every single time before you have PIV sex? Where is the line drawn between sexual compatibility and being an unselfish, loving partner? You said "you're assuming she wouldn't like to suck his dick for a long time" but it's just as easily and arbitrarily turned around- what if she didn't like it? And that was the only way he could get off? Should she dump him?

LuckyFeedback 23 4h34m

If she needs oral to get off and you’re “not into it” then you’re incompatible sexually and she should dump you, yes. And if he wanted blowjobs all the time and that’s the only way he could cum and she refused it’s the exact same situation.

fdomfet 4 5h5m

If he isn't into it giving oral, and isn't satisfied sexual then he has every right to break up and look for someone more compatible. Again you're just making assumptions, who said anything about doing it every time? And the advice would be the same of it was him who would could only cum from oral. Talk to your partner and let them know this is how your body works. If that is a turn off for them or they can't accept that then you aren't compatible sexually, and you need to decide if it's the relationship is right for you.

mlke -1 5h47m

By saying "eat me out first then we can have sex" I am assuming she's requesting her boyfriend eat her out every time before they have PIV sex. The poster didn't really elaborate on frequency though so we can't be sure. Does OP want to elaborate if you're out there?

gravityyalwayyswins 875 1h57m

If you prefer oral orgasms to PIV ones (I like both, but i agree that the former feels "bigger"/more intense overall for me, so I do love having them), then it is totally reasonable to want to cum that way once before y'all move to PIV. If you're already close when he's eating you out, seems easy enough for him to finish you off that way before transitioning. Have you presented it as such? Like "I love getting to the penetrative part of sex, but it is even better when I've gotten to enjoy an oral orgasm first."

annoymous9 417 2h18m

Yeah I’ve tried saying that before because that’s exactly what I mean! I want to have sex so badly I just enjoy it so much better after being eaten out or fingered first instead of jumping straight into it. I’m Defo a foreplay girl I love it so much and I need it to really enjoy it to the max

LifetimePilingUp 249 3h55m

I have recently discovered that it’s waaaaaay easier for me to come from penetrative if I’ve already come from oral, could you present it to him as such?

I’ll be honest though, once the sex life has started sliding in past relationships I’ve never got it back, I know the honeymoon period is a real thing but if you can’t keep up with my sex drive you’re gonna get tossed at this stage.

KDCaniell 57 6h28m

I've just realised this too! And it's been quite easy to explain to partners as well, I feel like partners should want you to orgasm regardless of how you get there.

sixminuteslater 186 3h40m

Most Women need to be warmed up with foreplay in order to have a successful orgasm. Maybe you should start first with a vibrator, have some fun then invite him.....wait, just ditch him and please yourself with the vibe until you find a nonselfish partner. Good luck. I was in your position for years.

aetherr666 -15 5h30m

thats a bit of a leap, calling op's partner selfish because he thinks she will finish from piv lol

Che_weeso 27 5h46m

He only cares about his orgasm and only cares about hers on his terms. Is that not selfish?

aetherr666 -5 6h18m

show me where that was said by op and ill happily admit to being wrong.

but from where i am sitting its looking like this

man doesent like giving oral = selfish

woman doesent like giving oral = not selfish

Che_weeso 17 6h24m

In the comments OP talks about giving her partner oral before he goes to work, expecting nothing in return, just glad she could pleasure him that way. But in the bedroom, OP literally tells him what he can do to rock her world and he’s in his feelings that her answer wasn’t piv.

aetherr666 11 6h26m

wow. yeah im not going to stand by him and argue his case if he honestly thinks sex is all about putting your dick in a hole, thats literally sexual education level of understanding which is pretty poor

tengo_sueno 96 11h18m

Can we just do away with the whole "foreplay" thing? Foreplay is play. Sex is play. Whatever makes the parties involved experience pleasure and/or cum is play.

I am really starting to hate this word because it reinforces the idea that what works best for many (most?) women to cum is just some sort of quick little side trip on the way to the main destination and thus devalues it. Sex is so much better for most women when it's not constrained to the PIV-or-bust mentality.

ivys-poison 8 15h17m

If I had gold to give, it would be for this hot take

flwftw 94 5h15m

Maybe he thinks that girls are like guys and once you cum you'll be done?

reaperteddy 60 9h25m

This belief is more common than you think. Funny story, I once had a middle aged couple as clients and their main problem was that she came too quickly and then sex was over. They had genuinely never tried to wait a little bit then keep going. Easiest and most grateful clients I ever had.

LaughingFlame 1 15h38m

What's your profession if you don't mind me asking?

reaperteddy 11 15h46m

Sex coach (or intimate wellness coach on Facebook). Sort of between a life coach and a sex therapist - I deal with clients who dont need months of sex therapy, just some basic education, skills building and resourcing.

LaughingFlame 2 15h51m

That's awesome! Thank you for your service.

Accompli009 2 12h17m

That's how (m)y GF is ... Once she's cum she's ready to move on to something else

beaker88 27 5h0m

I the same but I'm a guy and i love eating out. Every girl I've been with has loved it and i like it more than sex. Controlling their pleasure levels and keeping them on the edge is a tease and for me the tease is better than sex. But my current gf doesn't like it. Her parts are different to most womens. I think she has an embedded clit. It sucks. Big time.

cobbalt10 5 10h12m

What’s an “embedded”?

beaker88 4 11h19m

I missed a word my bad

beaker88 1 10h20m

Its like hidden inside so its deeper than usual. Its not there on the surface.

adambuck66 3 10h40m


vixenpogostick 6 10h58m

the clitorial hood covers the clit more

beaker88 3 11h18m

Google it. Embedded clitorus. Its not there. Its deep inside and tiny. She doesnt feel anything on it because its buried.

Titsandassforpeace 18 5h59m

Have he ever fucked you after orgasm? most girls get a bit tighter so if he likes that it could be a selling point.

If you get orgasm from both you are lucky tho.

As for his reduced appetite. It could be related, it could be something else. But perhaps he feels unsatisfied? Do you ever give him blow jobs etc?

Pyehole 18 8h46m

Its either that or ask him to finish you off orally once he has cum. Even if you aren't using condoms not all guys are grossed out about going down on a woman they just came in. My optimism isnt high for your boyfriend being one of these guys. But you should know it's a possibile option in future partners if not this one.

coffee-n-redit 11 8h58m

I've been married 40 years to a highly sexed woman. There are ebbs and flows to a sex life. BUT the sex that is happening has to be happening on a level where both are enjoying the experience to the max. If you talk to him and you get the response you are getting, then that is what you have. He won't get better. Sex is not as important to him and it wont get better (worse actually). If your sex life isn't that important, and the rest of the relationship is great, then decide if it's worth it.

idontreallylikecandy 618 2h36m

Sex “negotiation” is so weird to me—the idea that you should have to explain to your partner that you want to climax is just so asinine. You shouldn’t have to say “well if you won’t finish me off I won’t finish you off” or “it’s not fair”. A good partner generally wants to help make sure you’re satisfied sexually without any prompting from you. And being unsatisfied by a male partner can be especially difficult to communicate in particular because of how men are socialized to believe their ability to satisfy a woman sexually is tethered to his masculinity.

Many men still learn about sex from porn and develop unrealistic expectations as a result—“I put my penis inside her! Why isn’t she moaning immediately???”—and there’s still strange beliefs about women being able to climax from penetration alone (research shows that the vast majority of women physically cannot, but for some reason men take it as an affront if they can’t—as though it’s their dick’s fault and not wholly to do with her her physiology).

To me, this seems like it’s a lose-lose for you. You bring it up, he gets his feelings hurt and you likely have less sex and no orgasms unless you do it yourself; you don’t bring it up, unsatisfying sex continues. You need to consider what you’re willing to do—if you want to maintain your relationship with this person in spite of seeming sexual incompatibility, then I would suggest finishing yourself off. If he gets you almost there and goes for penetration, you could use a vibrator or your fingers while he does so. This could, however, come across as passive aggressive.

LuckyFeedback 345 4h30m

I had an ex who would refuse to eat me out because after he did once and I had an orgasm, he was like “see, I don’t like that cause I should get that reaction from you with my dick”. Like... what? I don’t understand.

little__pet 91 5h14m

I’ve had two ex’s flat out refuse to eat me out. My boyfriend loves eating me out and now I honestly see what’s so great about it

LuckyFeedback 68 5h17m

Enthusiastic and mutually enjoyed oral sex is like, one of the best things in the world. I’m glad you finally found one!

little__pet 24 5h19m

The oral sex for both of us is really mutually enjoyed. Now I’m just counting down the days until he eats me out again as we’re in an ldr

LuckyFeedback 52 5h28m

I honestly feel p bad for women who enjoy it but don’t have partners who will do it for them. Possible TMI: When we had sex the first time after a lonnng courtship will they/won’t they my boyfriend went down on me and it excited him so much he started touching himself and it was an immediate orgasm. I told him right then and there that we were gonna get married and two years later we did 🤣 it’s magical!

little__pet 30 5h38m

Hahah that’s awesome! Seriously, no guy had ever made me cum. EVER.

The first time he went down on me, he made me cum. And damm did it ever feel good

vern179 22 9h47m

I had a young friend, 23 yo with 2 kids that had never cum from oral. He ex said she smelled down there. I offered her oral and about 20 minutes into it she clamped down on my head and started screaming. I asked if she was okay and she told me she had never had an orgasm like that in her life. I went back to work and we found out she was multi O! An hour into it she finally pushed my head away! She was twitching uncontrollably! I would come up for air every now and then asking if she was alright, I thought the neighbors would call the cops! She just kept saying don't stop. For about a month she would stop by two or three times a week for her fix! She finally found a boyfriend that liked giving her oral and I saw less and less of her. I really enjoyed her visits and would go out of my way to give her as many orgasms as she could handle.

little__pet 11 9h52m

Yea both ex’s never said why they wouldn’t go down on me but we’re more than okay with me blowing them. Kinda stung but I brushed of off. My boyfriend loves going down on me and has mentioned that I’m quite tasty.

He’ll stop once he’s made me cum, which I have zero complaints about. Then again he’s also 18 years older than me and it def shows that he knows what he’s doing. And then some

vern179 1 9h57m

This girl was very wet and very tasty! I'm happy you found a caring boyfriend! 👍

LuckyFeedback 20 5h46m

It’s like finally experiencing an amazing perfectly seasoned medium rare steak when all you’ve had is McDonalds hamburgers your whole life. Lol

little__pet 7 6h23m

That’s exactly what it’s like!

MostClassroom5 4 6h38m

That is awesome. He is finding what he likes too. Thats a good partnership.

LuckyFeedback 6 7h13m

Oh absolutely. Making him feel good is my #1 top priority, no matter if it’s something I’m 100% super into or not, I usually get super into it because he is and it’s making him happy. He’s an amazing dude and he deserves every bit of it and more. Whatever he wants to try, we try, and vice versa. We each have our boundaries and our “mmm... not so sure if I like that”s, but the adventure is the best part. ♥️

nicecanadianeh 2 10h42m

A lot of guys would get freaked out if someone said that after the first time lmaoo at least u knew he liked ya.

LuckyFeedback 1 11h1m

Lmao. He took it as a badge of honor, like “shut up baby I know I’m good” 🤣 we’d been friends for like 15 years so he has no excuse not expecting crazy shit to come out of my mouth lol

nicecanadianeh 1 11h35m

Thats a good way to interpret it haha

livingadreamlife 56 5h7m

Then explain to him that with his reasoning, he shouldn’t like to have sex because he can get the same result from using his hand.

LuckyFeedback 54 5h15m

Oh, he’s an ex for a reason. Someone else’s problem now :)

flippant-geko 7 11h26m

He's his own problem now, you mean. With his attitude and lack of empathy, no one should be stuck with him.

flippant-geko 2 11h27m

*He's his own problem now. FTFY


ThankMeForMyCervixx 18 5h14m

My boyfriend doesn't like and won't use toys on me for the same reason 🙄

(edit to add: he's fine with oral - doesn't like toys)

LuckyFeedback 37 5h16m

Ugh, what the fuck? That’s so not worth it. So selfish.

aetherr666 -27 5h34m

its not selfish its called having a preferance

nothing wrong with dumping a guy over it but to call them selfish is unfair, should guys call women selfish for having preferances like i know some woman dont like oral sex and some wont do it, should we call them selfish?

no i dont think so, its called preferances and limits

LuckyFeedback 18 5h44m

No, if your “preference” is denying your partner pleasure purely because of your own insecurities, then yes it’s selfish because you’re getting something out of it (ego boost or at least the lack of an ego knock) at the expense of something they need (sexual satisfaction) when it doesn’t hurt you. If a girl tells her guy not to jerk off because she’s the only one she wants him thinking about sexually, she’d be selfish — him jerking off isn’t hurting her, she’s actively denying him something he needs just cause her poor little ego can’t handle it. And yes if a woman refused to do oral on a guy because she “didn’t like it” and it was one of the main ways he preferred to get off, yes, she’d be selfish too and she should get dumped. If it’s that serious that you’re telling your partner no to something benign like oral or toys then you need to grow up and put your partner first or let them find someone who will. A healthy sexual life isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100, and being a baby about something the makes them feel good says more about you than them, and none of it good.

Boundaries are fine but “eh I don’t wanna so I’m not gonna and I refuse to let you/will get upset if you do x because my ego will get bruised” is not the sign of a good sexual partner and you should just break up with them and let someone else cater to their exhausting “preferences”

ThankMeForMyCervixx 9 5h36m

A preference to be selfish 😂

Ann_Summers 16 7h3m

Reading stuff like this makes me even more thankful for my husband. He enjoys going down on me even more than I enjoy having it done sometimes. I’ve dated guys that would never go down but expected me to go down but I’ve never heard what you have. Like, was he too stupid to just be happy that he got you there? What man gets upset that he brought his partner to orgasm. I always thought that bringing your partner to climax was part of the point.

LuckyFeedback 19 7h7m

Yeah, he would do it then get pissed because my PIV orgasms were “never that good” and basically talk himself into being mad that I enjoyed oral more than his dick... even though he’s the one that got me to cum through oral. And I enjoyed the PIV stuff! A lot!

I even tried explaining that I like many women feel clit orgasms more strongly and he was having none of it, it was all a referendum on his penis. He was extremely narcissistic and just a little stupid. (Okay maybe a lot.)

My husband was my next serious BF and it’s like night and day. He’s sweet and giving and everything about sex with him is better in every conceivable way. The longer you stay with the dude who gets pissed about pleasuring you the longer it takes you to find that husband material.

idontreallylikecandy 11 5h29m

Glad he’s your ex

LuckyFeedback 35 5h54m

No oral for you, but oral for me. If you don’t have a massive screaming orgasm every time something is wrong with you and I’m gonna be butthurt. No toys, you shouldn’t need those, cause of my dick. You can’t masturbate cause I’m the only one you should want!

He was a fucking miasma of insecurity toxic masculinity. They’re everywhere too. 🙄

idontreallylikecandy 9 6h5m

Woof. Don’t mind if I don’t. I’m so glad I’m engaged to a woman now! ☺️

LuckyFeedback 3 6h7m

Awww. Congratulations!

idontreallylikecandy 2 6h13m

Thank you!

ladymodjo 2 6h38m

ew what a prick

LuckyFeedback 2 6h51m

Yeah, basically my greatest mistake lol. Doing much better now!

madastronaut 23 3h48m

This should really be the top rated comment. Just to add a bit more, I agree, the options are 1, bring it up; 2, don’t bring it up. IMO the latter is not a healthy decision to make. You need to know how your partner reacts and feels about certain things. That’s how you get to know who he really is. Letting this slide is not necessarily a huge deal in itself (though you did come to reddit so it must be a somewhat big issue for you) but it can fester and lead to resentment and more things left unsaid and more resentment, which always rots the foundation of a relationship.

andreabellora 8 5h11m

I agree. I had a similar experience kinda, I thought I could live without sex or with bad sea until I dated a partner who could not get it up even with the aid of pills and he was unwilling to try anything else and I had to break it off. I would rather move on than try to miserably navigate through a sexless or half assed sex life

QuestionsNSFW 16 4h59m


It should be obvious why with all the size shaming and jokes.

Also, from a guys perspective, I feel like it might be porn as well. Seeing women moan from just the guys dick in porn or amateur videos, but not having the same reaction when I stick my dick in my partner makes it seem like it’s a size thing. Like if your dick is big enough she’d moan just from it. And I honestly can’t tell wether it’s true or not since I can’t control the size of my penis to test if different sizes cause her to moan more or differently.

ambeelove6 21 5h58m

It’s not true. I don’t care how big your dick is, if there’s no foreplay and I’m not sufficiently turned on before penetration, I’m definitely not going to cum.

deviantkink 19 6h10m

Porn is acting. Videos are made mostly for $$$. It's performance and exaggerated.

QuestionsNSFW 3 6h14m

I know and I can tell myself that as much as I want but there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe that some videos are exaggerated. Especially with amateur videos where they are an actual couple.

TheConcerningEx 13 8h48m

Amateurs are still performing. Most people would exaggerate at least a little when they’re on camera.

And maybe some women moan the second a dick is inside them, but that has more to do with the woman’s sensitivity than it does with the dick.

QuestionsNSFW 2 14h51m

Yeah I realize that now from what everyone has been saying.

reaperteddy 13 9h34m

FWIW I have had an orgasm immediately on penetration - because my partner ate me out to orgasm right before. If sufficiently aroused, any dick is a winner.

drawinglizards 11 5h14m

It's not true.

QuestionsNSFW -2 5h19m

Care to expand on that? Are you female? Do you moan the same no matter his penis size?

drawinglizards 15 6h10m

It's not true that there's a linear relationship between penis size and moaning. I moan when I feel good (and even then, not always, sometimes I'm in my head and just quietly feeling amazing). I'll moan when a guy touches my clit just right. It has nothing to do with a guy's size. Really, a lot less depends on size than many guys seem to think.

QuestionsNSFW -1 6h25m

Yeah apparently it’s not that much to do with penis size according to the women who responded. I mean I don’t think I can really fully believe it, I think it’s stuck in my head, but I’ll try to keep this in mind.

drawinglizards 7 6h32m

I feel ya. I have my own insecurities that no matter how much someone tells me they don't matter, they're stuck in my head. But it's good to remember that the person it matters most to is probably yourself.

aksuurl 12 6h14m

I’m female. Porn is a performance. It’s fake. I’m most likely to moan over clitoral or nipple stimulation, but if you hit those two in foreplay and move on to penetration, or better yet, continue with those two during penetration, I will moan. Has nothing to do with dick size. Big dick (7”+) will stab my cervix in an uncomfortable way too.

idontreallylikecandy 7 5h55m

It’s really not true. First and foremost, everyone has different sex noises. Some people don’t really moan at all. I have multiple different sizes of dildos and sometimes I want the smaller one, sometimes I want the medium one, I almost never want the biggest one. Sometimes I want my partner to use a strap on and sometimes it’s nice to just have her do it manually. I literally never like penetration without some kind of clitoral stimulation at the same time because it does nothing for me and starts to become uncomfortable over time. I’ve had some great orgasms both with and without dildos, but never without clit stimulation. Tl;dr the moaning is not necessarily related to the dick size, especially because the ability to orgasm from penetration is also not related to dick size.

Keenbean248 1 6h4m

Yup. The other side of that is that women expect men to orgasm just from sticking it in. But for many guys, it takes a bit more to get them there. And if a guy doesn't get there, some women feel like they're doing something wrong.

decoy88 1 11h44m

If it’s a moan just from sticking it in, it’s more likely a moan of pain

rusted-nail -1 5h10m

Honestly if I can't make my girl cum I become kinda not into doing the sex thing and I won't let them do anything to me either. I do enjoy eating them out and fingering and all of that stuff but I just feel like if I can't make them cum with my dick then why subject them to piv. Every girl I've been with gets upset if I can't cum from sex so I also don't get why they don't understand my perspective there either. I really dislike all this toxic stuff that comes from sex. Like one girl said she hates the taste of cum but will swallow for me, like lmao no I'm not making you deal with something you don't want to do and tbh now I don't even want to put my dick anywhere near your mouth. Once the thought that they don't enjoy it is in there I literally can't cum

[deleted] 16 5h20m


rusted-nail -4 5h35m

Right so I'm speaking from my own perspective and I've acknowledged, however indirectly that it's toxic. I will still fuck them if they ask me to. But if you've ever had an orgasm that leaves you feeling bad and ashamed, you might understand the feeling I get from it.

I'm more than capable of communicating and finding out what works for them and doing that, so no, I don't need to "work" on that. But thanks for the assumptions.

I've never actually been with any girls that I couldn't make cum with my penis, or possibly with some added stimulation (I'm not against that). It's all technique and mentality, and acting the part, and the willingness to switch stuff up if I need to (some girls need a lot of foreplay or a couple orgasms before the sex). Obviously I can't make it happen every time and that's when I feel bad, like maybe I didn't give her enough foreplay or something.

badgalem 9 6h8m

Oh honey, I promise there are women you haven’t made cum with your dick. And you REALLY do need to work on the way you look at sex and communication.

rusted-nail -2 6h12m

I've already responded about the communication thing in another comment so go find that, also don't act like you know or can speak for every woman. Also don't call internet randos "honey" you weirdo lmao, like I literally do not know you.

But hey, just because you've had experiences that were negative for you, you now know how every hetero male is /s

[deleted] 0 5h43m


rusted-nail 1 5h52m

And sometimes it doesn't happen for men either. And there's no way I'm ever telling them I feel ashamed or bad, noone needs that kind of feeling pushed on them. I want their sexual experience to be positive even if mine isn't

Besides I did just say that I'm fine with finding out what they need lol so I'm not sure why you mentioned that again. I guess I'm just venting or looking for dudes that can relate to how I feel

ambeelove6 15 6h1m

Oof. So if you can’t make a girl cum with your dick alone (which the vast majority of women cannot...) then you don’t want to do oral or finger them or anything? That’s toxic... good luck getting lots of great sex with women with that attitude...

rusted-nail 2 6h3m

I phrased it poorly but I meant that I don't want to have sex or let them do anything to me. I will still do sexual stuff to and for them.

Yes, this has happened to me before.

ambeelove6 7 6h12m

I just think you should try to reframe your mindset on this. Go into it thinking, I know most women cannot climax from PIV alone, so I will do whatever it takes to get her there. It doesn’t mean you’re inadequate, it’s literally just the way women’s bodies are made. If you take the time to figure out what she needs to get off, you will be seen as a brilliant lover even if she can’t cum from PIV.

rusted-nail 2 6h14m

I've already said I do all of that. What's the problem with not wanting to have sex with someone? Imagine how that would sound if you were talking to a woman like that

ambeelove6 2 6h49m

I’d say the same thing to a woman who didn’t want to make the effort to please their partner in the way that works best for their body.

rusted-nail 4 6h56m

Unsure if you're still thinking that I don't do all of this but no one should be told that they "need" to do anything. Sex is a choice

TheConcerningEx 9 8h56m


I’m a woman who has never once cum from piv (without the help of a vibrator), but it’s definitely not something my partner ‘subjects’ me to. I genuinely love sex even if I don’t cum from it, it still feels good.

I know some women get angry if a guy doesn’t cum from sex, but I don’t understand that either. Orgasms can be a part of sex, but they’re not the only reason to have it. I don’t get upset if my partner doesn’t cum, as long as I’m making him feel good.

It sounds like the issue you’re having is with enthusiasm, not orgasms. If a woman makes it clear that she hates giving blowjobs, it makes total sense that you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it either. In the same way, if she expresses that she dislikes sex, it wouldn’t be enjoyable. I’d just be cautious not to equate enjoyment with orgasms. I really like giving blowjobs, but I’m never going to have an orgasm from one - which is fine because they’re still fun to give. We can all enjoy doing things that aren’t going to make us cum (:

idontreallylikecandy 8 5h25m

I think it depends entirely on the perspective of the individuals in the relationship. For me, sex isn’t about whether or not I can get off. My main goal is making sure my partner has a good time. I get an intense amount of pleasure from bringing my partner pleasure. So for me, even if I have to do some things I don’t necessarily enjoy or get off from, I do it because I like to make them happy. If both partners are like this, then how their partner achieves orgasm (whether it’s oral or digital or PIV or whatever) should be irrelevant. PIV alone doesn’t do a lot for me—when I still had sex with men, I would happily engage in intercourse with my partner, but that was because I knew it did something for them. This usually ended up meaning I didn’t orgasm at all (not always—a few of the men I had sex with were very giving partners and made sure I had a good time too). But sex, in my opinion, shouldn’t just be about ONLY doing things that bring both partners pleasure simultaneously. That’s just not physiologically possible for some people.

rusted-nail 6 5h46m

So you've essentially reinforced what I've already said but your mental relationship towards sex is obviously healthier. What I said about the blowjob thing is about how you present the act you're going to do for them.

So like, if I get asked to eat her out my response will be an enthusiastic "yes I'd love to do that for you and make you feel amazing", not "i actually hate the taste of pussy but i'll do it anyway". Communication style and the language used matters.

Glad you can enjoy yourself either way but I'm sorry you apparently weren't with many giving men before quitting the lot of us lol.

idontreallylikecandy 1 6h4m

You are absolutely correct about the communication and the impact it can have on these kinds of interactions. I guess I would only say that kind of thing if I never planned on doing it again (like because of trauma or something) so I could explain to my partner that it’s not them but me. But if I was going to do it, I’m not going to look like a reluctant participant. Fuck that.

rusted-nail 1 6h9m

Personally I will do stuff I'm not enjoying or have been traumatized by because I don't want her to miss out. I damaged my first sexual relationship by allowing the fact that I was getting triggered by something that was happening so now I've gotten a lot better at hiding my feelings, or, if the flashback is particularly strong I will find a way to make it so they can't see my face. I've had counselling in the past but it's been something I could never quite get over

idontreallylikecandy 8 6h18m

Please don’t do that to yourself. Sexual incompatibility is a real thing and a real reason to break up with someone. As for the trauma, I actually listened to an episode of This American Life recently where a journalist went through some very intense kind of therapy to help her get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted when she was 13. It sounded unlike anything I had ever heard of before. The episode was called “10 Sessions” I believe. If you are able, consider revisiting therapy. There may be new or different ways to help you heal. But if not, you don’t have to suffer through it. You’re allowed to have your own boundaries as much as anyone else.

rusted-nail 3 6h28m

If I can find some way to actually afford going to therapy I would love to but it's not looking likely any time soon, as I would need a lot of sessions over a long amount of time (my trauma was sustained and happened over a very long time and it's also not the only thing I need help with). I hear what you're saying but being in a relationship is about more than sex and I'm willing to deal with that for the other benefits, like the companionship, and it's not as if every single one of my sex experiences is bad.

I appreciate your replies even though we're disagreeing, you're very kind and your responses are well thought out and well communicated.

Muschka30 1 5h48m

Most woman can’t orgasm from Piv sex

rusted-nail 2 5h54m


QuestionsNSFW -3 5h15m


Yes exactly. Like what’s the point in doing piv if she’s not getting anything out of it. Surely she’d prefer just oral or fingering so she can cum.

rusted-nail 2 5h23m

Just to be clear and I'm sure you have the same opinion on this, I will still fuck them. It just becomes not about what I want at that point 🤷‍♂️

QuestionsNSFW 0 5h31m

What do you mean by not about what you want at that point? If they can’t cum from piv then if you do piv wouldn’t it be about what you want?

rusted-nail 3 5h36m

Some girls just want the sex part anyway, like it's the mains in a 3 course meal.

QuestionsNSFW 1 5h38m

Oh yeah that’s true.

rusted-nail 2 5h39m

Can't go around posting stuff on here like I just did or you get psycho analyzed by just about every female lol. Glad to find someone who can actually empathize with me instead of just being told my perspective is wrong

QuestionsNSFW 2 5h44m

I mean I guess from their point of view they also want to please their partner. But yeah for me I mainly focus on their pleasure so I’d rather do something that feels good for her.

Kradios 12 5h56m

As a male myself, I agree completely. My #1 goal is to always please her and blow her mind. Kissing, cuddling, whatever you want for foreplay and i usually will tease her to the point she starts begging me to. From there it’s no issue. Ill tease her by stopping and slowing down before eventually making her climax but I always make sure she does.

Never understood why it’s so hard for some guys to give good oral when they would enjoy receiving it. We always change up the sex but the only thing that remains constantly is that we both cum and are loving and happy afterwards. That’s what sex should be between a loving couple. In my humble opinion.

Marty_mcfresh 0 11h41m

I’ve heard many times that many women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. While I have no reason not to believe this, I’m still curious if you could provide a source for your claim that the majority of women physically cannot.

Again, not trying to call bs. That just sounds like a really game-changing claim to me, and I’d like to do my research on the topic!

idontreallylikecandy 3 11h48m

I don’t have a source off hand, but I remember reading that there was some correlation between how far the clitoris is from the vaginal opening and whether or not they could climax from penetration alone, but I don’t know if there’s a clear, across-the-board explanation for it.

gxzzymo 130 1m

Tell him if he’s not gonna finish you then he doesn’t get to finish either 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s not fair for him to not care about things you’ve clearly told him you want but expect you to cater to the things he wants.

annoymous9 32 8m

Exactly, I really don’t find it fair at all and it gets to me if I’m being honest, I’m not sure what to do

GingerAvenger 95 1h45m

I think the two of you are approaching sex with a different mindset. You're approaching sex with the intention of pleasing your partner and making them feel good. From what you've described, he's putting in the minimum effort required to get you aroused so he can get himself off. I may be mistaken, but I get the feeling that he's taking your for granted, sexually speaking. I would wager he wants to get to "the act" as quickly as possible so he can get his rocks off and get back to whatever he was doing before.

I was that guy in my early 20's. I didn't realize it until I got a bit older, but I was extremely selfish and I had very little concern for my partner's pleasure. A lot of young men seem to prioritize their own orgasm over their partner's pleasure.

You're going to have to have a discussion with him outside of the bedroom. When I say "discussion," I mean that you need to state plainly what you need from him and how you're feeling. Dropping hints and making the occasional statement isn't enough. We men are **dense** sometimes. Explain it to us like we're 5.

You can use "I feel" statements to keep from sounding like you're making accusations. Ex. "I feel like my pleasure is secondary when we have sex. I *really* love it when you go down on me, and I cum so much easier that way. I still want the PinV, but sometimes I want you to do things just to make me feel good."

You are not a tool to be used in pursuit of his orgasm. :)

annoymous9 10 2h16m

Thank you so much! I really appreciate this comment so much, I’m definitely going to try this out later on when he gets back from work and hopefully it works because I care so much about him and I want him to feel the same for me!

DisabledHarlot 2 3h36m

The statement about pleasure should be acceptable, but in reality that will hurt a lot to hear. I'd try more positives first, and that verbal confrontation as more a last resort. Maybe you could clearly say that oral is sex, something like "My favorite act involving my clit is feeling your tongue on me, it drives me wild! My favorite kind of penetration is your cock, I love when you (thrust into me deep and slow).". Put your favorite part in there, just an example. You could tell him something like "The best sex I've/we've ever had was this day when you went down on me for half an hour, and I came clutching your head, then we had nice slow sex that built up into you absolutely pounding me from above, and I came again. That was so amazing that time, it's my favorite thing to do with you. ". Add in your own preferences of course, but being specific and describing the hot stuff may help him feel like he's being an amazing lover. All him to describe his favorite acts. If it's different than yours, incorporate it regularly and tell him verbally that you want to "X his X until X" and make it clear that you feel amazing when you make him feel amazing. If you can get into the habit of dirty talk, describing the acts you want ahead of time, over text even, step by step, treating both of you to your favorite things could encourage him.

Hopefully some of that will help, good luck.

sixminuteslater 9 3h35m

You are a gentleman (in the sack) and a scholar, I tip my hat to you.

lolachicky17 0 2h13m

Yes, thank you!

BabyBlackBear 0 2h55m

Have a conversation with him 😂

Freckledd7 0 2h57m

This is a very wrong mindset. There is nothing in sex that is supposed to be fair (or unfair for that matter). Approaching sex like this will always lead to disappointment one way or another simply because what he does and what you do and where and how you both get pleasure from that is completely incomparable.

Having said that, it sounds like he is being sexually spoiled. And it's very understandable in how he responds. From what it sounds like he doesn't desire sex nearly as much as you do and that's probably because he gets to cum a lot more than you do.

I also feel like I should mention that guys and girls orgasm have very different aftereffects. I don't need to tell you what happens if a girl cums and how you still want to do more even after but just know that when a guy cums it results in a very big dip where you just don't feel like doing anything. However don't see it as a race on whoever gets to cum first. If a guy comes on a regular basis the excitement every time is not very high and it's hard to maintain for a long period of time especially when there is little effort required to do it. In a nutshell, it's very natural to get the best experiences when you make him work for it. Don't give him the 'free' pleasures. And it helps a lot if you plan out your sex and actually reserve a date and time for it because this will allow him to actually look forward to it and build up the necessary desire. This way even if he cums you can keep his interest and while his dick is still recharging he will have plenty of time to eat you out all the way.

This is just my opinion on the matter, you asking Reddit for an opinion already shows that you care enough to put in the efforts to improve the matter so hopefully this helps and good luck :)

ForgingFakes 0 5h13m

Consider also using that frame of reference for fairness if it is fair that he has to put in more work to get you off than you do.

Is that fair, or are we ignoring other variables of fairness?

x25e0 2 3m

This ^

[deleted] -6 1h32m


ladyinred2801 4 2h4m

Then there’s something fundamentally wrong in your relationship. Why would it be all about him? Sex is something you should do together so her pleasure is equally important as his. If she’s being honest about how he feels and in return he stops sex completely then that says a lot about him.

MOISTra 118 2h2m


As a lesbian I don't know if I should feel amused or offended by this. I can assure you, I do have sex, AND I come from it, AND there's no penis involved 😂

Of course you like being eaten out. Only a select few women don't, and it's usually because no one ever did it properly to them (case in point: I used to think I didn't like it, then my gf came along and changed my life). Are you your boyfriend's first girlfriend? He sounds inexperienced.

My recommendation is to buy a vibrator and have your fun without him. If that doesn't wake him up that he's not fulfilling your needs, I don't know what will.

Semi_Nerdy_Girl 38 2h20m

I wonder about this myself ... maybe I’ve just never had good head (for me). I don’t particularly care for oral. I rarely get off on it — it’s actually the opposite. I get bored and/or physically uncomfortable and become less aroused. I’ll go along with it sometimes cuz the guys seem so into it, but it’s pretty boring or it hurts with them jabbing with their tongue or using fucking teeth to try and suck my clit. Who does that??! Ouch. Only had one woman go down on me and it was very very different. I still didn’t cum, but it was so much softer and delicate and light and SLOW. So hot. I really dug it. I try to tell my BF to go softer and slower, but it’s just not the same.

MOISTra 22 3h28m

I almost fainted when I read the words "teeth" and "clit" in the same sentence. How would these bozos like it if you dragged your teeth on their dicks?

doxieprincess 4 5h50m

I've had multiple men ask me to use "more teeth" during blowjobs and I do not understand it. I thought that was a universal NO but apparently at least some people like it.

mrschestnyspurplehat 1 14h3m

Ha, same! That's how my fiance is. My whole life that I've been sexually active , I've always tried to take great care to avoid teeth action. But he enjoys it, to some extent, and asks for it even. So funny.

annoymous9 18 2h22m

See I’m kinda like that with fingering a little. I like it but it’s probably my least favourite thing to do, it just is sharp with the nails sometimes even if they’re cut and I just don’t find it very pleasurable

rexowo 17 2h34m

I totally agree about fingering!! Since it’s very hard for me to get off, and I can’t at all from penetration, I’ll let my boyfriend finger me while I’m using a clit vibrator, but the sensation is just so overwhelming and almost distracting? And it’s really different to PIV, something about fingers is just soooo overwhelming

annoymous9 7 2h38m

I know it’s so weird, I’m like stick your dick in there any day but not ya fingers, it’s so weird tho

InfinitelyThirsting 28 3h22m

Too many dudes think fingering is supposed to be using your fingers like tiny dicks. That's not how ya do it, speaking as a queer girl. Fingering should not be a small-scale reproduction of penis-in-vagina sex.

LuckyFeedback 7 4h35m

Yes and I hate it. It takes away from what might be mind blowing oral if you’re jackhammering my vagina with your fingers at the same time.

InfinitelyThirsting 13 4h48m

Yepp. For most women, adding fingers during oral works if you insert and then just apply pressure with your fingertips on the G spot/back of the internal clit wings, not really moving the fingers in and out much or even at all.

kasuchans 1 8h24m

Can I ask a weirdly direct question? How does that make you come? Because I need that in and out, and it's mind blowing to imagine getting an orgasm from just... Pressure?

ambeelove6 1 6h7m

I always hated fingering bc they would just jackhammer straight fingers in there like trying to replicate a dick and it did nothing for me! Now my husband, the way he does it, drives me fucking WILD and makes me squirt all over the place lol. You have to know how to work that g spot. Lol

sharpiefairy666 11 2h45m

I used to feel that way with my guy, but he put in the work to find out what angles and pressure I like and now I’m downnn 😍

rexowo 3 3h1m

Same with my guy, but even then it’s just too much! I like it sometimes but normally I just get too overwhelmed and want to stop

unimpressiveotter 1 3h56m

Saaame lol

Cristianana 1 3h2m

Yeah, he's just bad at it

Girlwithvg 0 6h49m

Fingering doesn't have to involve penetration with the fingers. When I get fingered by someone, I prefer mostly clitoral stimulation and maybe near the end some fingers inside. But all very gradual and never without clitoral stimulation.

kasuchans 1 8h23m

using fucking teeth to try and suck my clit.

I'm so sorry, you might have had sex with a guy I've been with, because that's exactly how I like receiving oral and I tend to have to teach them to do that... My apologies!

Semi_Nerdy_Girl 2 8h40m

🤣 I think it’s actually not all that uncommon. I remember a dude on that tv show “Swing” on Playboy.tv giving this teeth advice to a group of other guys. Telling them to use their teeth to hold the head of the clit in place so they can suck on it. Im sure he got that tip from somewhere else...

kasuchans 1 8h41m

Yeah that's exactly what I like, suction against the teeth while using the tongue to flick. It's the beeeeest.

Semi_Nerdy_Girl 1 8h43m

For you. For you it’s the best. For me ... sheer torture. And not the good kind of torture. 😂

indigo_tortuga 10 4h0m

Just an addendum....lots of women don't like oral because they are self conscious.

[deleted] 2 5h24m


indigo_tortuga 2 5h31m

I read on here all teh time about women being too into their heads to enjoy a lot of things abotu sex. Through various partners I have heard that as one of the number one complaints as well.

[deleted] 2 5h36m


indigo_tortuga 0 5h43m

Yeah I don't know I just was saying because it's not always about technique in that some people just have a hard time with a lot of stuff sexually that has nothing to do with their partners.

Link_and_theTardis 9 2h35m

The only problem I see with your advice is that if he's feeling inadequate, the vibrator will amplify those feelings especially if the situation isn't handled sensitively. Before buying a vibrator, Op should figure out why he's stopping right before she comes. Maybe his tongue hurts? (Honestly though, every woman should have a vibrator. It's life-changing.)

postcardmap45 8 3h46m

I’m one of the select few women who don’t like being eaten out :( At this point all I’ve gotten is a few slobbery gross licks nowhere near my clit. I try to guide and give directions to the clit, I’ve given up lol. Too much saliva-not enough pleasure has completely thrown me off. And i just recently came out as bi so I haven’t had any extensive experience with women. Any advice?

MOISTra 10 5h45m

I've found that there are 3 main "strokes" that seem to be commonly liked by different women: flicking (side to side or up and down), circling, and sucking. Everything happens at the clit, or directly around it. It's fine if you want to do some foreplay around that area, but generally once you start doing the clit, if you shift away you're just going to make her frustrated. Keep your teeth covered for the sucking, even if she likes being bitten on other parts of her body. Depending on the position you're in and how confident you are in your ability to keep your tongue steady, you can try fingering her as well (provided she likes that sort of thing), just make sure not to get distracted from your main goal. And finally, pay attention to her and what she's saying. Some girls are hella quiet, but you can generally tell if they're close by how tense their body is and how fast they're breathing. If you can feel her shaking, DO NOT stop, even if your jaw is about to fall off!

Androgynewitch 41 2h49m

If being eaten out isn't sex, then a lot of queer people don't have sex. Lol. Sex isn't just penis in vagina stuff and doesn't require a phallic object at all. A lot of penis wielding individuals seem to think that most (or all) vagina wielding folks can orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, but that isn't the case at all (except in porn world).

It is clear that your boyfriend isn't being attentive to your needs. There are a few possibilities that I think may be the problem. First is that he feels inadequate if he has to use oral to make you orgasm, but everyone is different and if that's what does it for your body, that's what should be done. Second is that he thinks by getting you close with oral, you should be able to orgasm with piv sex. Third is he doesn't care really what you want/need and just wants to get himself off. There can be a reason that you or I wouldn't think of.

The only way to find out why is to ask. You may say something like, "I've noticed that you stop oral sex often before I orgasm and I was wondering if there is a reason behind that." Once you know why, you can respond. You should explain that you have a more difficult time coming to orgasm with piv sex and you want to have orgasms going along with sexual encounters. To help guarantee this, he should bring you to orgasm with oral first. If you and him make sure he comes, you should get the same treatment. It has nothing to do with his skill or adequacy, it is just that you need certain things to achieve climax consistently.

emmgdac 39 2h17m

He must not understand how pleasure and female orgasms work. If you can only (or it's much easier) to cum from clitoral stimulation I dont quite get why hes upset about it. He should care about what YOU want and how YOU want to be pleasured beforehand. If he wants to get you to the point and then have sex and then go back to it I guess that's fine. Or, if he wants to finger you while having sex so you can finish with him inside thats sexy. But to get upset about you wanting to cum? Nah nah. He needs a good talking to.

annoymous9 23 2h29m

That’s what I mean I’m confused it’s like he doesn’t want me to cum 🤷🏼‍♀️

MysticPinecone 36 2h45m

Some men seem to have a bit of a complex about their magic penis which should always make a woman cum because otherwise they're not manly. Porn is a massive contributor to this as it rarely shows women's pleasure other than over the top screaming at a penis inside them lol. I can't cum from penetration and I've made this extremely clear to my boyfriend and he understands and gets me off first - you've got to make sure he really gets it - maybe by showing him some articles about female stimulation? Stats generally show only about 25% of women can cum from penetration alone and most need some form of clitoral stimulation to get there.

emmgdac 11 2h50m

Which is unexplainably selfish. What, does he want the pleasure all to himself? It doesnt matter how you finish so long that you do. And the fact that hes having less and less sex shows his resentment that you might be getting more pleasure than him? How old is he? Idk girl, this would hinder my relationship completely. Sex isnt just for pleasure, it's for understanding the other persons desires and to create a bond of selflessness and care that you want to please them to the ultimate extent.

So yeah- this would be a problem for me, idk how the rest of your relationship is but my guess is that if you paid attention you'll find other places hes selfish in.

always_creative 3 11h11m

He wants to feel like his dick can do it on its own. Which, as a man, I get but I think is dumb. Maybe let him know that they feel totally different and you like the variety?

HokeyPokeyGuy 37 1h28m

Puzzling. Not sure why he can’t make you cum from oral and while you are still cumming you can start with the PIV. I was once with a woman who loved this routine so I happily obliged. Perhaps because I cared about what she wanted?

ilovetrexes 60 2h7m

Idk about OP, but if my partner stopped stimulating me mid-orgasm to move to something different it would kill my orgasm. If I'm coming keep going kinda thing. Maybe she's the same.

Nalomeli1 17 3h9m

Ugh same! I hate that too. In a lot of my past experiences, if I make too much noise or seem like I'm super into it, or even say I'm gonna cum, then the guy gets all silly and does different things or changes his speed and my orgasm is gone for good.

HokeyPokeyGuy 4 3h28m

Totally get this too. The woman I am referring to gave me this feedback too...said that I could set her back for days doing stupid shit like that. 😅

Nalomeli1 1 3h30m


HokeyPokeyGuy 5 3h27m

I get what you are saying and perhaps I was not clear enough...it was more of a thing in the aftershocks phase and it was what she wanted. Helped her get there again during the PIV.

openmindedinop 2 4h40m

I didn't mean stop. Not at all. I continue licking and eating until she squirts or is literally pulling back because she is afraid of losing it totally and then stand up and stick it in. I have found that this sets off another series of orgasms. Obviously everyone is different. My objective is to drive her wild

PotatoeTater 7 2h8m

Same here, I get off on my partner getting off. Makes it 10x better when you move on from foreplay.

annoymous9 1 2h6m

I’m going to sound so stupid asking this but what is PIV I might just not be thinking straight sorry about that

leblur96 11 2h9m

PIV = penis in vagina. Refers to vaginal sex.

HokeyPokeyGuy 6 3h29m

It is never ever stupid to ask questions. The other commenters are indeed correct.

lilacmoon29100 5 2h7m

stands for Penis In Vagina i think

7kmiles4what 36 1h59m

He may not like it.. but if it’s bothering you and you’re sexually unsatisfied it’s going to spill over into other aspects of your relationship. I would be tempted to have a talk saying “if I don’t come, neither do you”

It shouldn’t be too difficult to get you off, especially if he’s getting off every single time. It’s just not fair.

annoymous9 -11 2h18m

I get what you mean but I don’t wanna cause any arguments or stuff

call-me-mama-t 43 2h28m

Relationships are give and take. If he gets mad at you for bringing up your sexual needs and desires you might have a bigger problem than just oral sex.

kasey123 37 2h28m

Your sexuality isn't an argument. It should be understood. If he starts a fight because YOU know what your own body likes/needs than he is just being a jerk. You deserve good sex and his ego needs to take several seats.

TheGirlWithout_Name 33 2h33m

Girl, if talking about your sexual needs cause an argument it's not your fault, and if it does then fuck it, have the fucking argument.

He has to understand that you are different than him, and if you're not cumming as you'd like to then he shouldn't either.

Violetta311 18 2h39m

You are going to have a hard time finding happiness and fulfillment in life if the fear of conflict (arguments) causes you to accept unhealthy or unfulfilling circumstances.

Also, if something as reasonable as expecting an orgasm every time you have sex, when you are 100% capable of having one, would cause an argument, then that’s a big red flag. Most men love giving pleasure and just need to know how to do it. Your partner knows how but is keeping it from you due to selfishness. Not cool!

BabyBlackBear 7 2h54m

You can't avoid serious discussions because you're worried someone will disagree with you. That's life unless you want to suffer in silence.

bear__attack 6 2h45m

This is a sign of poor communication. If you can't exprrss your desires, including things that are less than ideal, without it turning into an argument, then you need to be talking about your communication. Once you figure out how to disagree and talk openly about things you want, then you can actually ask for things without it becoming an argument.

One more thing - if you ask for something you want, kindly and not as an accusation (saying "I'd like to try this." rather than "You never satisy me.") then you are not CAUSING and argument. The discussion may escalate into one, but you're not necessarily at fault for the argument happening.

Communication is hard. It requires both people to be open, willing to admit fault, vulnerable, and forgiving of themselves and the other person. It takes lots of practice. But it's absolutely critical to a successful, loving, and satisfying relationship.

Best of luck to you and your partner.

YourMrFahrenheit 2 2h55m

Avoid a conversation (it’s not going to be an argument, it’s going to be a conversation) or be sexually unfulfilled. Those are your options in the current situation.

annoymous9 31 2h24m

Thanks guys, I’m a bit of a tit at times, because now you’ve told me I remember reading something with PIV in and I knew what it meant, it’s been a long busy day for me. Thank you for not being rude about it though I really appreciate it ☺️

annabassr 28 2h33m

he just says “so you prefer being eaten out to sex” (idk how to quote lol sorry)

Yes. Put aside the fact that sex isn’t only penetration, why should that answer be a problem ? As long as you’re both getting pleasure from your sessions, he can get off his high horse and focus on pleasing you. Everything doesn’t have to revolve around his penis

600WoodStreet 17 2h0m

Tell him you prefer cumming over not cumming

turquando 16 6h20m

Why does it end when he's finished? I either do it so she cums before sex or after I've finished so she finishes.

The only thing causing this is issue is, I think, him being selfish. You aren't denying him sex, you're just saying 'hey, can you do this one thing first?' And he is saying no one way or another.

The_Brig 4 10h44m

inb4 some dude says "wtf, I'm not going to go down on her after I came in her" and I'll remind that dude that in many relationships, they expect the woman to have cum in her mouth from blowjobs, so the least they could do is get some in theirs going down on their woman.

geekgurl81 13 2h57m

I don’t know what’s more frustrating to me, your guy’s attitude or these comments. A large portion of clitoris and vagina having people don’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation, only clitoral. I feel like if someone is even on this forum, how do they not know that already? It has nothing to do with adequacy, just anatomy. Do NOT pretend you’re doing fine. I’m not saying be mean to the man but if you pretend like 30 seconds of licking is amazing, that’s all you’re ever going to get. Not being able to cum from PIV has nothing to do with penis adequacy, we have got to stop perpetuating that. How would guys feel if we hopped on them, rode for a couple minutes but stopped short before they orgasmed, and then either demanded oral until we climax or used a vibrator to orgasm and then rolled over and went to sleep? That’s the equivalent of what’s happening here. I don’t cum from PIV. It’s nothing to do with my husband’s penis or skills, it’s just how I am. So, he always makes sure I get mine. I will admit that I wasn’t always forthcoming, I would try to stroke his (and other guys’ before him) ego and fake it, etc, because I didn’t want to make him feel bad or inadequate and as a result I had years of orgasm-less sex. In the beginning of our relationship, it took some time and work to get me there. These days, it hardly takes any time at all. I had to become vocal about what worked (and didn’t), even though I was uncomfortable doing that. Now he knows exactly how to get me there. I love PIV, and I love his pleasure. I’m super happy to get mine and then make sure he gets his. I’m totally fine for him to get his first, and then get mine. But oral is part of sex for us, 99% of the time. Once in a while we’ll bust out a quickie and only have PIV but usually he returns the favor later in the day, even then. It’s reasonable to want to get yours every time, or almost every time, even if it requires a little more time and work.

Bagpuss45 13 3h8m

Start giving him head and then stopping just before he comes. When you have done that a few times, he .might realise how it feels to be edged.. Personally, I like being edged over and over again but that is just me.

ginger_girls_pm_me 11 1h50m

Get someone that will eat you out.

DramaticPainting8 11 2h1m

Wow, I love making my wife cum with my tongue and I feel she has better orgasm from me eating her. Several times during fore play she will tell me to stop and let’s fuck but sometimes I ignore her and keep going and make her cum because I enjoy it so much.

annoymous9 3 2h20m

See that’s what I want! Love it!

DramaticPainting8 3 3h26m

To be a little more descriptive during sex I can feel wife’s contractions from cumming on my dick but when I’m making her cum using my tongue and fingers her contractions are way more intense.

Bengy465 2 12h25m

One day I hope to have an orgasm from being eaten out. It's never happened before. You sound like a great partner since you enjoy it so much. Good job to you!

murssanstrompettes 8 2h6m

Ok first, being eaten out IS sex. Sex is not only penis in vagina. Foreplay IS part of sex. Genital stimulation IS sex. If your boyfriend insists on centering sex only on vaginal penetration (which, without clitoris stimulation will most likely not make you cum) maybe that's why YEAH, you prefer being eaten out to "sex".
Not being able to make you come during PIV is normal. Insist that it does not make him less of a man or bad at sex, it's just really hard to come solely for vaginal penetration for people with vulvas. It's biology. You need clitoris stimulation and maybe something you only get during cunnilingus (intimacy, sensuality, the pleasure of feeling desired).
Not everyone seeks the same thing out of sex, intimacy and relationships. Some things you can work with, some you're stubborn on what you want. I know on my part I would be ok dating someone who does not have the same religion or favorite pizza but I'll never date someone who's not 100% set on making me come and really into oral. Else, I would be miserable.
If you feel the same way, you don't have to do handstands and back flips and argue for hours. Just tell him that you want to cum, that you can mostly cum if you're getting eaten out and that unless he's doing that part, you're not doing the rest because you're getting the shortcut of it. As you said, it's not really fair.

fdomfet 8 2h15m

Just be honest and say you don't cum from penetration as intense as from clitoral stimulation. That's just how your body is built. It doesn't mean you don't love having PIV sex, let him know it's amazing and you love the intimacy but for you to have an intense orgasm you just need clitoral stimulation. You can try using toys like vibrators while having sex, or those cock rings that vibrate that are suppose to hit your clit during sex. Or you can just ask if he can bring to orgasm from oral. Ask him if he enjoys going down on you? Try positions like 69 and just pleasure eachother. And make sure he knows that it's just how your body is and always was and that it has nothing to do with him.

goonofdoom 7 1h35m

Your orgasm definitely matters, but him being comfortable also matters. He may be feeling emasculated because his dick isn’t “good enough”, when truly it’s that he’s TOO GOOD at oral. Try to reframe it for him a bit, maybe try different positions that would allow you to pleasure him simultaneously. Maybe just pump him up talking about how much you enjoy it.

I would also ask yourself if you would reciprocate if he could only cum by blowjob. I love giving head, but would I want to do it every single time to completion? No, that sounds not so sexy for me.

annoymous9 8 2h10m

I agree with you 100%! I don’t ask him to eat me out everytime just every now and then. I’m gonna try some new positions out when I can and see what differences it makes to the both of us, he’s my priority 100% I don’t wanna make him feel uncomfortable but at the same time I don’t wanna feel uncomfortable so I’m gonna try and figure out a solution

goonofdoom 2 2h18m

I think sometimes the responses on here can make you feel like the person you love is a monster while having, realistically, a tiny Polaroid of the complexity of your relationship.

I once posted on here for genuine advice and people basically just shit all over my boyfriend without knowing any aspect of our relationship besides a tiny detail. If his selfishness and inability to communicate in this circumstance isn’t an isolated incident in your relationship, I may feel the need to ask you to reevaluate your happiness. But sexual relationships, especially long term monogamous ones, come with a lot of issues of keeping things honest, exciting, etc. I just feel like some people on here are being a little hard on the guy. He’s just being defensive and insecure.

annoymous9 5 2h30m

I totally agree I’m just trying to get some answers I don’t want him slammed because at the end of the day I’m not saying he doesn’t give me head or anything I’m just trying to find a solution as to how to make him just carry on a little longer etc

drawinglizards 1 5h47m

That's because when people come here for advice, all we get to see is said tiny snapshot, and in that one moment people present, often a person is being kind of a selfish asshole. Disclaimers are all very well but even a generally lovely and wonderful person occasionally needs to be told they're being a bit of a twit.

Cristianana 0 3h5m

Okay this might be too forward, but do you rub your clit during vaginal sex? I didn't know until I was like in my early 20s that I could have been doing that the whole time

ScrambledDingus_Egg -1 5h28m

The only sane comment in this thread. People have terrible double standards when it comes to sex.

butterfliesarefree2 7 5h48m

This guy sounds really selfish if not bordering on narcissism. One reason is because it’s almost passive aggressive to purposely stop you right before you come especially knowing you’ve brought it to his attention several times. Covert Narcissist do this as a form of punishment and they deep down find sex revolting. They either are masters at sex because they learn what to do to sexually satisfy you so you get addicted to them or they are revolted by it and it feels like you’re having sex with a ghost. You will feel empty and ashamed and you won’t know why. There’s no “love making” because they don’t know how to truly love. Does he try to make you feel “crazy or needy” when you talk to him about it? He’s a selfish immature jerk or completely ignorant since he doesn’t know that when you orgasm with oral you could become multi-orgasmic and still come even more when he’s inside you and you could maybe come at the same time if he was willing to be patient and think about YOU. He’s only thinking of himself. A man should eagerly want to make his partner happy more than his own orgasm in terms of effort. That should be satisfying to him knowing he’s driving you crazy with pleasure. As someone who has rarely had an unselfish man sexually, I do know there is a difference and I’m not willing to abandon my own happiness for a man who doesn’t care. If he’s pulling away even more you need to find out what the *true issue is. Please check out YT videos for covert narcissists to make sure he’s not one. 🚩

opnmind4fun 6 2h25m

It's really unfortunate that so many guys don't have a clue that it doesn't have anything to do with their male Ego it has to do with ensuring everyone is able to achieve mutual satisfaction in the end, I have always made it my priority to make sure my partners reached their crescendo before me, as a guy our relative inability to achieve multiple Orgasms makes me want to enjoy the moment much longer than both of us Cumming in the first 10 minutes and done... as many have already stated it's ALL SEX he just needs to learn to enjoy every aspect....

annoymous9 6 2h43m

I will try and reply to everyone’s comments at some point I’ve just had so many it’s insane I didn’t expect so many messages/comments! I’m just about to go pick up my boyfriend from work so tonight I’ll have a chat with him about the suggestions you guys have given me! Thank you for all of your help so far I will definitely try and reply to comments if I can, but I promise I’ve read all of them so far

raistlin222 6 3h23m

I think that there's an underlying flaw in this relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with sex. If you are willing to give to him and he is not willing to give to you, you need to evaluate why this is, and be prepared to accept it, work on it, or walk away.

i-contain-multitudes 1 12h7m

Dump him

catmom_95 5 2h14m

Honestly, I have trouble cumming during sex but I don't have any issues with it when my boyfriend goes down on me or when he uses a vibrator on me while we have sex. Luckily he goes down on me first and won't stop until I cum, then we have sex afterwards since he likes how it feels after I cum. Have you tried talking to him about how it's unfair to you that you don't get a chance to cum while he does? If so, maybe try mentioning how good it would feel being inside of you after you've came as he eats you out. My boyfriend goes crazy about how wet I get after I cum and it gives him the extra pleasure!

Kooky_Discipline 5 2h36m

I would almost rather eat a woman to several orgasms rather than actual intercourse.

frothymaple 5 3h1m

Why is it everyone here acting like the problem is the woman not being enthusiastic enough

skepticalDragon 5 7h11m

I'm not seeing that at all

Lucifer0290 4 2h12m

Okay. I've read enough. A lot of these comments have really good points. Communicate. Use "I feel" in the beginning of your sentences to keep from accusing or placing blame. Men being Dense and needed things explained like we're 5. But you gotta be careful. A relationship is communication. Even the sexual side of it. Recently I have had two huge sexual conversations with my SO about likes fetishes and kinks, and my sexual orientation (I've been evolving. Its been scary.) And both of those conversations went really well because there was no accusations or holding back. Yes some things that were said were hurtful but it was said in a loving and reassuring tone. It honestly makes all the difference. You are 100% correct in feeling the way you do. Its Valid. But withholding sex simply to "return the favor" or withholding the "big finish" because you didn't get to it is going to do more harm than good. I promise you, it will destroy your relationship. Neither of you are objects toys or tools for pleasure and orgasm. Meet each other on an equal playing field. I'm not saying OP doesn't already, I'm saying your SO may not feel that way. Try it. See how far you get.

annoymous9 4 2h26m

Thank you I’m going to try this later on and see what happens

No_Mas_Pantalones_ 3 5h15m

I'd say find a better boyfriend. He is showing you who he is, you can either accept that and move on or stay and be miserable.

ikwechi 3 5h29m

It sounds like he has some maturing to do in this area. In my experience even if you don't like oral you should at least have the desire to pleasure your partner.

Express to him that sex especially for women isn't just PIV. Oral is and should be a huge part of sex.

In the end if you aren't willing to please your partner or sacrifice a little the relationship will tear apart. So what if you prefer oral to PIV (not that it's the case), there shouldn't be any issue.

Growing up I've learned that as a man the more you pleasure your woman before penetration the better it will be. Being unselfish in the act of sex reaps many rewards.

In the end it's just communication. If you've expressed your thoughts and he still doesn't come around then it's on you to make the next decision, is it worth staying with him?

I hope everything turns out okay.

Maximillion001 3 5h54m

I think that you are entitled to have what you enjoy 😊 It’s your body and you can ask to have your boyfriend eat you as long as you need before intercourse. If he is not willing to provide you with this after talking then find someone who can eat you out the way you need! I love licking and sucking on a woman’s pussy for hours! Performing oral sex on your partner or fwb is an intimate thing between two people. It’s being vulnerable and allowing someone to enjoy your scent and your juices. When your partner is down there licking and sucking on your pussy, it drives a woman crazy! Why because she knows her partner loves the smell of her pussy and the taste of it and her juices, it turns her on to no end, makes her feel loved and happy and in turn she will return the favor as well by licking and sucking on your cock. If a woman feels and knows you don’t like to do that lol I highly doubt you will be together long. That’s the best part of being with someone in a relationship is that they want you all of you.

[deleted] 2 1h37m



It really isn't a double standard. The reality is it is much harder and time consuming for women to reach orgasm. This is not by our design it is just truth. For it to be a double standard the fields would have to be equal, or at least close to equal, and they are not.

[deleted] 4 1h59m


fdomfet 12 2h32m

I agree but in the way that no one should have to do something they hate or are uncomfortable with. Which includes both guys and girls. If a guy is uncomfortable going down then he shouldn't be forced to do it, and if a girl wants that in her sex life it's her right to end that relationship. And same for guys.

03V6Premium 1 6h52m

Its a double standard any way you look at it.


No. So clearly you, and many others, do not understand what a double standard is by definition, and in particular to this situation. A double standard: is a different set of principles in an application where circumstances are the same. The achievement of orgasm (which is what the post is about), and especially the ease of one, is not the same for men as it is for women, therefore, in this context, it is not a double standard.
Next, the fact that this idea of a double standard (in which someone claimed -and I am paraphrasing here- "Reddit always says that men need to eat pussy but women don't have to suck cock." was brought up in this post is actually absurd. The boyfriend does give oral, he just denies her an orgasm for achievement of his own. OP was asking how to best address her lack of pleasure to help the relationship. Some wanted to make her post about them and scream victim-hood for men.
The Double Standard comment here is as random as if I had said, "Cats rule and Dogs Drool." It held no bearing on the conversation and came off as a childish attempt to direct the narrative.
Women finally being able to seek satisfaction, I know is intimidating to some men, but perhaps try rising to occasion instead of pouting over it.

annoymous9 -8 2h15m

Thank you! I 100% agree with you and that’s exactly what I was trying to get across!

InexperiencedZamboni 14 1h57m

Youre equating the act, when everyone else is equating the results. Orgasm for orgasm.

[deleted] -9 2h1m


ella_bellsprout 13 2h24m

OP didn't say that he doesn't like doing it, though. The problem is he will but stops right before she orgasms because he seemingly thinks she won't have PIV if she finishes?? Or he would prefer she finishes during PIV?? I'm not sure what the bf necessarily wants based on OP's perspective but this isn't a "my bf hates oral but I love it" post. It's a different kind of problem.

[deleted] -6 2h40m


ella_bellsprout 10 2h45m

I took that as the bf not liking the fact she prefers oral to PIV. I could be wrong. It's hard to assume someone's preference from a short second hand recount

Minathebrat 9 2h17m

I think that's usually because the man cums from oral and PIV both - and wants more oral simply because he likes it, but the woman usually can't come at all from PIV and is having orgasm-less sex. So it's more of a flavor of cookie problem than the not getting any cookies at all problem. That's the typical type of post on this topic from what I've seen.

annoymous9 7 2h14m

There’s no double standards at all! I’m always sucking his dick, I do it a lot without expecting anything in return I’m not the type of girl who’s like “if I suck your dick you eat my pussy” I’m not like that I wanna pleasure him! I’ll suck his dick before work and I’ll have nothing it doesn’t bother me! All I’m saying is it’s much harder for women to cum and I wish he’d just hold out a little longer and let me cum from being eaten out first and then we start to have sex. So I don’t see where double standards is coming from because no where in my post have I stated I don’t like sucking his dick and I won’t suck his dick!

fdomfet 7 2h22m

We must be reading different stuff. I usually see something along the lines of "If she really doesn't like it and refuses to do it, that's valid and her choice, you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship where you aren't fulfilled sexually." And I think no one should force anyone to do something they hate, but she says he goes down on her and gets her close to orgasm so it really isn't the same thing.

Kaanluum 3 7h17m

It’s not about her wanting him to eat her, it’s about him stopping right before she orgasms every time. He obviously likes it since he is doing it and long enough to take her to almost orgasm. He just refuses to ever make her orgasm this way, as he is unable to conceive the sex without a penis involved. The fact that he calls oral “not sex” should give you an idea of how inexperienced he is. If it was the way around and he could only come through oral stimulation, and she would bj him and stop right before he came every damn time, I bet he wouldn’t be pleased either, and everyone would blame her.

Reryza 2 2h32m

I'd love to eat my partner, but she just doesn't really into it

jeffrrw 2 3h4m


1) If this conversation is taking place during intimacy, its going to most likely be a) killing intimacy, b) make him feel inadequate, and c) come across as demanding. It may not be coming from you as such but I suspect he interprets it this way which is why you are seeing the decline in intimacy on top of all the added stressors of the pandemic.

This is a conversation to be had outside of the bedroom. "babe, I love it when you eat me out and you are great it but almost every time lately I get so close to getting off but dont. I feel like I am struggling with our intimacy because I am not able to get off which frustrates me. Do you think you can help me out with this?"

If he reacts negatively to this or starts accusing you of something or belittles your pleasantly said complaint, he most likely either has something else going on or is an asshole. If hes an asshole...well you know what to do. If hes struggling, you'll have to interpret that for yourself.

zesty_heron 2 3h5m

Just as a blowjob isn't just foreplay for sex, it's the same with being eaten out.

I think he's being pretty selfish if he thinks that every time you're being pleasured, he needs to be pleasured.

If this continues, maybe don't finish him off when you go down on him and instead get ready for some sex since he thinks he can do that to you.

Or, just don't give him head as often. He doesn't deserve it if he won't do the same as you. And it'll show him what he's putting you through.

As Bebe Rexha says in her song, Harder, "Baby when it comes to love, it should be mutual." Don't let your manchild boyfriend get all the Big Os and leave you high and dry anymore.

sexydirtys 2 3h12m

My boyfriend is like this and I literally had to sit and explain the female anatomy to him. I also began to pleasure myself either in the bathroom or in bed when he left to make sure I cummed

KajaIsForeverAlone 2 3h15m

Sounds like you need to have a sit down talk with him. It seems like he things that intercourse leading to his ejaculation is the end all be all of having sex.

FounderOfIslamRule 2 3h15m

Orgasm inequality.. only 30% Women get orgasm because men doesn't like cunninlingus but they prefer dick hammering which they think is a sign of being macho

Blomanyte 2 3h28m

I don’t get this... perhaps he doesn’t have any understanding of the female anatomy and orgasm? For guys, there’s usually a refractory period. That is, after you’ve cum, you kinda lose energy and you’re pretty keen on just relaxing for awhile. For girls, as far as I’m aware, there isn’t that refractory period or, if there is, it is far less pronounced.

kingsalamiBigCock 2 3h53m

I am same way. I can blow multiple loads so easily if getting a blow job . Blow me then climb on for yours

Rotting_pig_carcass 2 3h57m

Sex first then eat out to finish?

thegerman64 2 4h14m

I don’t get it I eat my girl constantly. I LOVE making her squirm and cum and scream. It’s a matter of personal pride

BlueRock956 2 4h27m

I asked her to inform me when she's having an orgasm or when things are going right because we had a couple of times when I changed my mouth action. So now if I'm licking the right spot and she tells me so, I continue doing the same motion until she hits an orgasm. I love foreplay, and having her orgasm a couple of times before I penetrate her is amazing.

Ender210 2 4h27m

My ex was like this, except was more vocal about liking oral more than PIV. She had like a 5% cumming from PIV but came every time from oral. Its something we learned in retrospect. She didnt know/notice that at the beginning of relationship/sex life.

When our number of sexual encounters plummeted I asked if I could just give her head. I get off that. She allowed it. Over time it became a habit of mine to give my ex head daily. I noticed that after cumming should be more open to sex afterwards. That lead to us having sex almost daily.

It's another example of listening/observing and compromising that leads to everyone being happy.

For the curious. We broke up because of ADHD on my part and severe depression on her part.

one9eight6 2 4h35m

Sounds like he is just selfish and ignorant.

LuckyFeedback 2 4h41m

I’m just sitting here scratching my head that the most upvoted comments on these threads, on a sex positivity board, always invariably seem to be a bunch of dudes chiding a female OP that “it’s a two way street!” when her post is about her boyfriend straight up refusing to pleasure her in a way she wants. Like she doesn’t know that? How does that help the issue? I’m so confused. It’s happened like four times in the last day or so.

calebmichaelqqq 2 5h17m

Sounds like a dumbass to me

TheLittleGoodWolf 2 5h29m

Sounds like he has some issues, whether it's with his confidence or his personality is hard to say for sure.

Maybe it's because I love getting blowjobs more than I love PIV sex (which I also really love of course) but it never mattered that much to me how I could get my partner off but more that I could. Sure some things are more fun than others, and some things may start to feel less fun if it's the same every time but in the end it's the fact that I'm giving my partner pleasure and that she's giving me pleasure that's important.

From reading what you have replied it just seems that your boyfriend has a perspective more towards his own ego than your mutual pleasure in bed. There may well be something I'm missing, there could be something going on, self esteem issues can seriously warp a persons perspective in a way they aren't aware of. It could also be that he's a selfish lover.

If you want to keep trying I'd suggest talking to him, which it seems like you already have but essentially just try again. Try asking him if there's something wrong since you are not having sex as often, see what he says, try bringing up that you both should maybe talk some things through in the hopes of things improving for the both of you.

SkyPuppy561 2 5h30m

My hubby understands this. I don’t even know if I cum at all from intercourse. If I do, it’s really annoying because it feels like I gotta pee and it’s overwhelming. Tell your BF to take it up with God.

Ottawareader62 2 5h34m

Why would he stop when you're so close? Sounds frustrating

biotheshaman 2 6h29m

I don’t see why he can’t make you cum and then fuck you?

Griffca 2 6h55m

Do you reciprocate oral sex? He might be more open to only oral stuff if he is also getting to enjoy the benefits of it as well.

rostrant 1 9h44m

Do some of you guys not read carefully? Re-read her original post

Griffca 1 11h53m

I re-read the post in its entirety, she doesn’t even remotely suggest she gives him oral sex?

dillydallyforever 2 7h47m

Why am I reading similar posts day after day. What is wrong with so many men out there? And the bigger question yet is why are we women staying with these selfish dickheads?

JinMura 2 8h5m

There's actually a really good book about this called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. TL;DR it's basically an advice book on eating out to orgasm before PIV sex.

Before reading it, I was in a similar situation where I didn't quite understand if I should eat out to completion or try to transition to PIV sex or what. Now eating out first to orgasm is my go-to.

Maybe you could make it fun by introducing it to him as something you could try together. There's a complimentary book called "Passionista" that has a bunch of sex tips for women.

arty_bnw 2 11h21m

So I have a couple of questions. Is your fella either young or not that experienced? It sounds like he doesn’t quite understand that sex is so much more than just PIV. Him performing oral on you is sex, you performing oral on him is sex, kissing and touching or massaging is sex, penetration is sex etc. So it sounds like he may have his knowledge of sex from porn. Maybe.

Some guys also think that having a woman climax from something other than their dick, be it through oral, fingers or toys is compensating. When that is just not the case. Every dude no matter what should be doing whatever their partner wants to help them come. Women’s bodies work differently to men, just some guys don’t understand that and, usually through watching too much porn believe that their dicks are the be all and end all of a woman’s pleasure and how women come, purely from their dicks. Which again, is incredibly far from reality. But these thoughts of “compensating” sometimes comes from a place of insecurity on either their size, or their skill/how good they are in bed. So I’d breach this carefully if you were going to talk with him about it.

I know I’m certainly in the category of when I’ve come, I’m usually finished. And most guys are in the same boat. So I always make sure that my wife has always had her share, her big finish as you put it before I have mine. Because I know that once I’m finished I will usually not be at my best or most attentive to her needs, because I’m usually sleepy and tired after.

I’d just have a chat with your boyfriend about it. Not accusing, or aggressive because then his defensive walls will shoot up. It could be any number of reasons why he suddenly loses interest in helping you come.

(Apologies if this is a bit rambling and didn’t make sense. It’s late and I was heading to bed but wanted to reply while I had my initial reaction in my head rather than leaving for later)

El_perrito1 1 1h59m

Most days I prefer to eat my girlfriend out! Pussy is delicious

whosyourdaddy833 1 2h11m

Love eating my wife first til she cums she's a lot more wet when it's my turn to slide my penis into her.

600WoodStreet 1 2h20m

I always make sure that my wife gets off first, she’ll cum again during PIV sex also

annoymous9 1 2h25m

I need something like this so badly!

openmindedinop 1 4h34m

Totally agree

Diablo165 1 2h31m

I’ve tried to make him understand but he doesn’t.

He can’t understand, because he doesn’t own a vagina. He could acknowledge and accept what you’re saying, but he chooses not to, because he has tied his ego to your orgasm.

That’s a problem.

Does anyone have any ideas that could help me?

Date someone else.

ilovelara 1 2h37m

literally show him this post. then sit down and just talk, too may people in here saying you should use his orgasms as a bargaining chip over him.

just talk. make sure he has time beforehand, tell him you wanna have a serious talk, and be willing to understand his side.

uzumakijan 1 2h42m

Hes too good at cunnilingus, suffering from success

CHEFJC96 1 2h45m

Sounds like you should get a new boyfriend, that’s what I did cause my ex didn’t like doing it either

Avengers000000000 1 2h49m

He should be grateful to have a woman with such high sexual energy. There are women that after clitoral orgasm can't keep going. Question. Do you think he loves to eat you out or do you think he does it just to please you?

SepticWombat 1 2h54m

Have the same issue with my wife. I prefer giving oral to having sex. Would rather always do anything else but sex, and then we just don’t align on how we want to finish normally. Can be frustrating to “take turns”.

ScullyNess 1 2h55m

but that is sex?

QueenCityHighSociety 1 2h59m

He sounds like a selfish lover, or could be stupid if he doesn’t know it’s harder to cum off sex than head

dontyell_atme 1 3h6m

Don’t most guys say they prefer getting a blowjob over sex?

cosmicmermaidmagik 1 3h15m

There’s literal research studies that women orgasm the most when they get oral versus penetrative sex! Tell him it’s nothing personal, just science, baby!

hellau1234 1 3h16m

Your boyfriend is strange. Most man make me come at least once, at least (!) by eating me out or fingering or both before we go to PIV Sex. Because they know women don’t necessarily come from that so they make sure she has fun first. Also if you cum at least once you’ll be more ready for the fun after.

changes420bowie 1 3h28m

talk to him. he can make you cum and then have sex with you. most sexual incompatibilities lie in a communication problem. lay out what you both want, and it you can't meet one another's needs, re-evaluate how important it is to you, and if that is something you would be okay with in the longer run. stay safe and don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy.

pertante 1 3h37m

I would try to find ways to encourage him to open up a little about what could be going on with him while trying to make him realize you are concerned, not nagging him. Some guys have a hard time being straight forward with what's going on in their head and/or emotions.

I would also offer him a compromise: if he eats you out until completion more often, you could try something you two don't always do that he might enjoy.

baltimorgan 1 3h38m

it's insane how often this gets posted about on this sub

Welcome2_Reddit 1 4h1m

She comes first and he comes next are excellent books, I can share my notes on them if you'd like.

mihaidxn 1 4h7m

69, problem solved

Acehigh7777 1 4h22m

I like eating out my partner until she comes so hard she needs me inside her to keep it going.

hanngart123 1 4h26m

I can’t even cum from penetration only being eaten out/ rubbing/ vibrator. It’s a clear lack of knowledge and a big problem in his male pride and probably a lot to do with watching porn. I’m not sure how you’d educate him with his pride getting in the way. I might even consider a therapist or neutral party getting involved to help explain in a way he can understand

BlueRock956 1 4h29m

I think he does realize what you prefer. Its just that his ego is telling him that he should be able to make you orgasm with his penis.

TwistyTurret 1 4h29m

As someone who spent 15 years in a controlling relationship, this is a control tactic. He’s insecure, and he wants his dick to get you off in order to to stroke his manhood (yeah I see the pun). That’s why he’s taking you to the edge but then making you finish his preferred way. He’s controlling your experience to make himself feel better.

stupifystupify 1 4h37m

To make you almost cum and then stop is just cruel !!! I’d say tell him you wanna cum first and then bang after or other way around.

ryanrod86 1 4h46m


recyclopath_ 1 5h21m

I prefer to orgasm before penetration. It makes the whole experience way more enjoyable if I've already cum, everything is more sensitive and I'm in a wonderful head space. For most men cumming is the end. You probably need to explain how an orgasm only increases pleasure and sensitivity for most women.

I_Am_Bill_Buttlicker 1 5h30m

I hereby propose permanently discontinuing the phrase “eat me out.”

cgtdream 1 5h31m

I really dont know the dynamics of the sex life between the two of you, but you kinda have to look at it from his POV. On the one hand, you are 100% deserved of cumming the way that suits you best. However, you still have to keep in mind, that expecting him to perform cunnilingus all the time to get you off, is kind of a large request.

Its tiring, it gets old if you want it from the get-go all the time, and probably the most important thing; It probably makes him feel like you dont appreciate what he can do.

And look at it like this. How would you feel if he or any guy, wanted blow jobs from you, all the time before sex. The same logic would apply. This also might explain why the sex itself has decreased. He probably feels quite a bit of pressure to perform, in an area that just does not get him as excited. So as it stands as a stranger looking inwards, you might have to consider working something out that pleases both of you...and not just you. Maybe once or twice a week, some good head from him..And maybe just some good sex for the both of you, without the pressure of "him" needing to perform cunnilingus till you cum.

rostrant 3 9h40m

OP never said she wants or demands him to eat her out every time. She also states that she often gives him head without expecting anything in return

ZENDT158 1 5h36m

He doesn't know what he's missing..If my lady is really into it....it's a massive turn for me. We feed off each others energy and bang😍😍😍😍

DebunkedTheory 1 5h39m

Ya boyfriend's a chump

playforfun2 1 5h43m

As a man I can say it's obvious this is a insecurity on his part, he probably thinks he's not "measuring" up or that he's not performing well.

TodTheRod01 1 5h50m

Have you ever legit asked him why he doesn't eat you out more? Or why he doesn't finish you off that way more often?

Have you ever straight had a conversation explaining all this? Getting feedback, back and forth? NOT JUST BEFORE HAVING SEX Do you give any head? I mean maybe he is selfish, maybe you both suck at communicating, maybe he feels he does most of the work during sex...who knows

KindlyFoot 1 5h58m

He seems to have a misconception about how women ''should'' orgasm. And summed to that lack of interest of him, makes me think that he's having confidence issues. Do you know if hes going through some problems?

chaoticcrumb 1 5h59m

I'm actually in the opposite position, where my boyfriend always needs oral to get and stay hard, and when things are always the same they just get boring. I loved giving him head a lot in the beginning. Not anymore. Maybe you can think of something that excites you both instead of demanding for him to make you come before it gets exciting for him as well.

Lovato51 1 5h59m

Sorry if this comes across weird, but, what’s his size?Do you think he may be self conscious about his performance?

glad777 1 6h9m

I like giving oral to women more than PIV by far. I have never really cared for PIV at all really.

doormat212 1 6h9m

It is very common for women to orgasm more with oral sex. The guy should understand this and want to make you feel the same pleasure he does - either before or after. At least that is my approach.

codybeem 1 6h11m

Next you have sex, before he cums....just stop the sex 🤷🏼‍♀️ feel like this is the best way to teach these kind of men sadly

whenthefunstop 1 6h16m

Him eating you out is something you needed to communicate with him before you got into a relationship with him and as far as him not wanting sex that something you have to confront him with, there is a thousand reasons why from cheating to him being comfortable, so you need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend

ponzufish 1 6h16m

Maybe try 69ing?

Ozzy_Cortes 1 6h17m

If he is not letting you cum, then it's pretty much over. If I was a female, I wouldn't bother having sex with him anymore. Your sex life with him will get much worst if you keep on with this. When you tell your sex partner that you're close to cumming, he should not stop!

lRoninlcolumbo 1 6h26m

Sounds like your BF needs to grow up.

He took it personally like a little boy.

From what you wrote he doesn’t seem like the pleasing type

YoungNorthEastern 1 6h29m

Why dont you assure him his dick is bomb. Butter him up, feed the dick ego, us guys eat that shit up. BF probably feels insecure thinking you like his mouth better then his dick. Some guys feel a little down about that. When I was younger, I felt a little down about that when I went through a similar situation.

Radiant_Caterpillar 1 6h29m

Sorry, an amateur here, what is the term "eat me" in sex?

Kaanluum 1 7h37m

Receiving a cunnilingus

didntwant-salmon 1 6h29m

Haven't read through the comments, so sorry if I'm repeating this but imo have an honest discussion with him about everything. Tell him you're unhappy with the current state of your sex life and you want to have it more often and you want to finish too. Men are so silly, I'll never understand why they think that women don't need to orgasm. I'm sure there men wouldn't like constant blue balls. Gauge how he reacts to this talk, and go from there. If it doesn't change, you need to decide what's important to you in a relationship. If crappy sex is not ok with you, then you need to end it - sorry!

Jtawesome13131313 1 6h34m

I see a lot of similar types of posts to this, and I always notice the one thing that can help most of these issues is communication. It seems like you've addressed the problem with him, but sitting down and sharing your sexual cravings may help him understand. And to dive deeper, maybe explain why you feel you like oral orgasms more, so he can better understand. I know this sounds a little basic for a response, but I hope it helps!

minosandmedusa 1 6h37m

I prefer eating women out to sex as well.

twocatsnoheart 1 6h53m

Sex is for both of you. If sex isn't something that pleases you both to the max, and talking about it means that he knows that but won't change, you have to put your foot down. Insist on orgasm equality in your relationship!!! Your pleasure is JUST AS.IMPORTANT.

copacetic51 1 6h54m

Oral sex=sex

GlitchWolfNLD 1 6h58m

My gf is exactly the same as you, loves oral orgasms more. That’s why I love giving them, as simple as that. It really should be about wanting to give your partner what he/she really likes, not about negotiation.

FelixFrancis0019 1 7h4m

Eating a girl out for extended periods of time is uncomfortable. My jaw and tongue start to hurt and it can be a little hard to breath at times. I enjoy doing it but not every time.

VirginiaSlims120 1 7h16m

Fuck him; I have a mouth you can borrow

cubs4life420 1 7h19m

Damn you wouldnt have to ask me twice to finish you off. I love eatting my gal out to the point she cant take it anymore then we have sex she get on top so.she get off more then i get on top. Your man is lame

boxen 1 7h24m

It sound like maybe he doesn't understand that your "big finish" doesn't signify the end of pleasure for you the way it probably does for him. You two need to have a discussion about this and he needs to understand it. You may want to mention that you'll enjoy the penetrative sex even more and might orgasm more from that too, after you've had some good oral.

sircabbage69 1 7h25m

Have you tried telling him ‘don’t stop.’? ‘I love how you do X’ or any other variation because he is probably not getting enough feedback. I doubt he’d stop when you’re getting close unless he is super selfish. Sounds like he needs some encouragement. That he goes down on you is a good sign so help him help you.

Liquid_Wolf 1 7h42m

Been here before...

He is worried that he isn’t good at “sex”.

Like his penis isn’t good enough. He has to realize that sex is about more than his dick, and understand that hours of oral sex, touching with hands, and even verbal intimacy can be more sexual than sticking your genitalia together.

So... you might not be able to help him with it... but he needs to learn it somehow. Maybe another male friend? Somehow he has to get the idea, the curiosity, that perhaps there is more to sex than PinV... and start to experiment and enjoy it.

He is stuck too hard in his head... worried over his dick. Lots of men do this.

He has to get out of it... or be helped out...

It is different for every guy, but having another man who has been through it help him out is usually a good start.

Good Luck!

nyguy4321 1 7h45m

Crazy! My wife has intense orgasms when I eat her out and well, regular ones from PiV. I feel like a badass when I hear her screaming with pleasure and shaking while cumming from oral. Why would I want her to miss out on that?

CountLurpak 1 7h49m

Get real! If you like oral stimulation, great ! If he likes penetration, great! IG he wants to stay with you, he get down on you until you done. Then he can do you. Simple. Else, get a partner in tune with you.

Kaanluum 1 7h55m

Apparently that man is quite insecure and has no idea how a woman’s body works. Is he young and watches porn a lot? I personally don’t come from dick hammering only either, unless there’s friction of some kind on my clit at the same time. I can come quickly from oral or rubbing though.

I suggest you explain him that, maybe leave lying around an article explaining female orgasm, there might be a podcast or a YouTube video on the subject you can innocently be watching when you know he is around. He definitely needs to get some education on the subject so it can help him feel more confident. Try and be careful about hurting his feelings though.

I don’t recommend you try and punish him by not making him orgasm either, he is already lacking confidence you can end up making things worse.

If after trying everything you could he still can’t give you orgasms, I’d just leave him and move on, why would you say with someone who you are not sexually compatible with? Having to go finish yourself off after every sexual relation is not enjoyable and quite sad.

conrad141 1 8h0m

If you don’t mine what might be a white lie, I’d tell him that you cum harder during sex if you already came once from oral.

btmslut86 1 8h8m

You have a boyfriend and I think u need to find a man......

ozrojo 1 8h10m

He should eat you out until you cum to make sure you're satisfied and then he gets his turn. 😉

Craigsbwc 1 8h15m

Next time he's down there, wrap your legs around him, grab his ears, and hold him there until you climax.

betarad 1 8h22m

all my female friends say oral is way better than sex. i've just accepted it at this point

WiseGuy9595 1 8h30m

Your bf should want to please you as well as himself. If you've told him what you like and there's no pain or degradation involved he should stay at his post until the job is done. (Later, when you drop him or cheat he'll whine and say he doesn't understand how you could do him so wrong.)

I personally have a rule: First we kiss, then I lick, then she cums, then we fuck.

9141meadowb 1 8h30m

I agree it's better to be ate out before you have sex, so both people can finish. Maybe offer giving him head for a little and then getting head, and then having sex

cheeses_greist 1 8h43m

It’s okay to break up with someone if you are sexually incompatible.

Pleas look up Dan Savage and his love and relationship advice column, Savage Love. He also has a podcast, Savage Lovecast bHe talks about your situation a lot because it happens a lot. Also, it’s good reading and very instructive. I appreciate his bluntness.

IRAngryLeftist 1 8h48m

It’s a shame that he can’t or won’t give you what you want/need. I think that some boys feel like it takes the power away from them if they make it all about you. Don’t give up yet though. You just need to be more aggressive with him. When your there tell him “Don’t Stop” If he cant take a simple instruction like that kick him to the curb.

maizey69420 1 8h51m

my girlfriend is the exact opposite i’m always tryna eat her out and she’s like naw let’s just fuck

Inexperiencedtrader 1 9h9m

I wish my wife had this problem. What a shame, dude that is good at it but goes all snowflake when he finds out his tongue is better than his dick.

My dick is apparantly better than my tongue, but I'd love for my tongue to go all the way.

esolakidis8 1 9h23m

I love eating out my girl, always the best way to start sex is to eat her out and then fuck she tends to have 2 orgasms to my 1. I do this because she always sucks me off and never expects it back sometimes. Either he has to understand why you want this or he’s just to selfish about sex which is sad

throwawaykitten2005 1 9h25m

Sounds like he has a poor ego and is punishing you by not giving you oral

AhYeaOhYea 1 9h38m

It could have something to do with his erection. Sometimes a hard erection will only last for a short while. Especially with no sex. If he is eating you out he may loose it.

When it’s PIV time be looks like limp dick man while knowing he had a hard on for 20 min already. If that’s on his mind he will likely try to hurry into sex.

Either way he just needs to make sure you’re satisfied too. You two could workout the timing.

wolfessgames 1 9h38m

K 1. Give a reward system or a way so he understands how you feel and 2 I think that's cause he's not finding it as entertaining any more.

sjefsiljuuus 1 9h59m

i struggle a lot with similar issues. most of sex is me giving him a hj og bj, and he tries to give me pleasure. but it often ends up with him stopping up because he tells me he cant focus. i try to tell him every time what i like, what i think its enjoyable and tell him i like it when it feels good etc. but i feel i give way more than he gives me. he is more into me giving him hj or bj than sex, and i havs started to stop enjoying it, it feels more like a chore for me now. whenever he finishes, he just assume its over and get dresses while i lay there not finished. i ask him if he want to help me finish, if he want to try to use my vibrator but he doesnt want to. so it ends up with me laying alone in the bedroom finishing myself, and its honestly so depressing. often he leaves the room, asks me if im going to finish myself with the vibrator and i just answer seriously «yes because i want to finish as well, you dont want to help me when i ask you. i would much rather have you do me», but he just tries to joke it off and close the door and doesnt say much. i try to tell him i want to do different stuff, suggest stuff to try out and even aska if he could start with me first sometimes when we have foreplay. he says «yes sure i want to please you» but when it actually happens, nothing changes. when i suggest it, he says he is tired and maybe later. it has come to a point where i now feel unsatisfied and just want to avoid everything with sex at all. im very HL and after being in trauma therapy for 1.5 years after rape, i feel i want to explore my sexuality a lot. it feels lonely that he doesnt want to do it with me. when i try to talk to him about sex, he either changes the subject or just jokes around - its hard to have a serious coversation with him.

i have told him what makes me come fast, but its like he just doesnt listen to me and its more important for him to finish. i feel used sometimes, it hurts me a lot. he tells me he doesnt feel the desire to have sex - yet i know he almost everyday jerks off alone at the mornings in bed or locks himself in the bathroom to watch porn. the porn usage has become lesser over time - but it still affects our sexlife. it feels like he just forgets that i want stuff and have needs as well. it sucks a lot, because the relationship overall is great but i notice that this annoys me so much and its harder for me to be a good girlfriend when i dont feel he cares for my needs or doesnt listen to me.

lotusonfire 1 10h1m

Have you ever explained to him that you can have multiple orgasms because you're a woman.... also why does he get to determine how you orgasm? That's just domineering in the worst way.

SweetDaddy42087 1 10h5m

I love eating my lady out, absolutely love it!

ExhibitionistBrit 1 10h7m

It’s all sex.

doggo244 1 10h13m

Play with yourself while you have sex and put down the same cards he is. If he isn't willing to help you don't be willing to help him

SouthernOhioRedsFan 1 10h18m

Well, of course he doesn't! His cock was made to fuck pussy.

[deleted] 1 10h22m

TBH I prefer eating out than sex, so I guess we're just weirdos

NorthenLeigonare 1 10h24m

I've got an idea, sit down and tell him this?

I swear 90% of Reddit problems like this can be solved with you actually communicating with your partner or person of interest within your post.

nicecanadianeh 1 10h40m

Just tell him to make you cum before you fuck, or do come compromising, maybe like every other time or something, it doesnt seem like a big deal to make you cum first especially if hes already down there and you let him fuck u after anyway.

The_Brig 1 10h41m

Ask him to read "She Comes First"

I have the opposite problem. I love eating out my wife, but she rarely will let me, and when she does I get her like halfway and she pulls me up for sex.

I think it's just because she hates blowjobs (won't ever say so when I ask, but never gives them) and she feels like if I made her cum with oral then she has some kind of guilt to reciprocate.

kimbalinapea 1 10h42m

This is a losing battle. I’ve never met one woman in my life who gets enough head. You’re lucky he does it even a little bit. My suggestion to you is to tell him exactly what you said here. I’m far too into my relationship to keep anything held back from my partner. We actually do everything but PIV most of the time. We both enjoy what’s happening and I’m like you, PIV doesn’t do it for me unfortunately.

Risto75 1 10h47m

If he won’t finish you off don’t let him finish he’ll get the idea quickly, if that doesn’t work find a new guy I’m sure there’s a list in here alone that would be willing to meet your needs, myself among them

bananacasanova 1 10h49m

Oral sex is sex and he needs to grow up.

PsychedelicAwakening 1 11h1m

Eating pussy is the best thing ever strictly BECAUSE it makes your partner feel so good - I don't understand why some men would go against that

claws026 1 11h2m

It’s really confusing to me that he doesn’t actively want to make you orgasm in a way that gives you the most pleasure. Personally I think y’all need to have a talk about whatever insecurities he might have. For me I orgasm the best from oral as well and my partner loves being able to give me that pleasure. Your bf sounds either super insecure or like just an asshole honestly.

HelpingOneAnother 1 11h5m

If he stops before you get to come, then a few minutes into sex just say you’ve had enough for now maybe later.

Do this a few times so he doesn’t ge to finish and I bet he won’t not make you come before sex again 😌

tengo_sueno 1 11h14m


Correction: he doesn't want to understand

12-is-Me 1 11h18m

Hmmm. I love, love, love eating pussy! Just thinking about doing it is arousing for me. And my wife, when she is actually in the mood for sex, which is rare, if ever, loves it when I do. She cant finish any other way. I just cant understand not wanting to pleasure your partner. It makes sex SO much better. Best of luck!

Ixidorim 1 11h30m

Tell him you like being eaten out, if he says he doesn't like doing that then encourage him to understand that you don't like having sex because he orgasms more often during that, it is the same concept. Being eaten out is not a knock at his manhood that is your preferred method of pleasure, help him to understand that.

luluinstalock 1 11h44m

i always feel bad when i dont make my girlfriend cum when eating her out so i just do it as long as needed ( really not that long, it was just once but memorable lmao )

its like when I stop doing it, its like unfinished business u kno

B-A-T-1991 1 11h51m

I hate to say it, but at least you are getting sex once a week. I’m not getting sex at all. My wife just doesn’t want sex with me. She can’t give me a reason, she just doesn’t want it.

TomPalmer1979 1 11h51m

Where are the women like you?! I would love that!

Custard990 1 11h52m

I usually get along with women easier then men it usually ends with me friend zoned and talking to then about their sex lives as for what ever reason they find it easier. A lot of men just don't care they can be selfish and only aim to get off themselves all i can really think is tell him that you just wont have sex with him anymore unless he starts careing about your wants.

Diedwithacleanblade 1 12h4m

I prefer eating out to sex and I’m a guy.

bendwiggin 1 12h21m

If it was me, I'd be doing whatever you wanted! If you want oral thats what I'm going to do, and then some! I won't stop until you're fully satisfied and my face is covered n your appreciation!! I try my best to make sure the woman I'm with is completely satisfied, I'll worry about myself after I know she's been well taken care of!!

LandoftheKIWI 1 12h34m

He might feel like sex is becoming work having to eat you out everytime beforehand or you dont enjoy it as much.. just a thought.

penitantman 1 12h36m

Girl I meed to meet you someday, and you’ll understand if you read my post from last night, I am very frustrated that my lady doesn’t like it, I was told me and her are possibly incompatible, I need a girl who loves receiving it as much as I like giving it, please read my post 🙏🏻

Why Can’t I Go Down On Her

LoveSquirt69 1 12h49m

More communication is going to be the. Trying to find out why he won't help you finish. That seems sorta selfish. Tell him both folks in a relationship should be helping each other equally. He should know that most women have no problem in having multiple orgasms. Tell his he should use this to his advantage! This should be a huge turn on! Is their something that has changed in him not wanting to perform oral? Like it in the past? You could liken it to given your husband the best blow job ever and than when he is close, all the sudden stop and do something else. I could never do this to a partner unless your teasing them and even than they should be given a nice orgasm. I love performing oral and would do so at every opportunity if my partner let me 😀 even in a relationship were both people aren't into everything the other likes, some compromises has to be reached. In a relationship I make sure my significant other thoroughly has many orgasms before we have sex. Us guys realize we can talk have quiet as many orgasms😀

sassymomma24 1 12h56m

I never usually come from sex. I usually get so impatient during foreplay that I just want sex. However I use toys a lot on my own and realize it takes maybe 5 mins tops with using toys on my clit to come. So I have recently told my fiance that we are going to incorporate toys into the bedroom.

RIP_Hot_Jeremy 1 13h11m

You are having sex but prefer cunnilingus to vaginal penetration. Man, he doesn't know that a clitoris is? Why do you want to be with a man who doesn't listen & doesn't want to satisfy you sexually?

Beastmodexxlsixty9 1 13h21m

M/50, I always like to get my girlfriend off before I do. I've always loved going down on a woman too so that's a plus for both of us lol. Foreplay is important to me also.

I love the feeling of touch. I want to explore her body. Every curve, every inch. And I loved being touched all over as well. I'm never in a rush to just get to the finish because the exploring and buildup is really nice.

IAmLionella 1 13h29m

Sounds like he's butt hurt that his dick isn't magic enough to make a girl come in 5 deep thrusts like it does in porn

geofox777 1 13h48m

God I love est my gf out. Maybe I'm a bit of a pussy but I love when she's a head pusher too

TheHandyNinja 1 13h51m

I'm confused. It is pretty normal for women to need oral to cum the first time during sex. My wife frequently orgasms twice during sex, first from oral and then PIV. So I guess my confusion is, why would you stop after a single orgasm?

My guess would be that hitting that first O makes you super sensitive so you push him off and he takes that to mean sex is over. Next time take charge and tell him to get you off, then tell him to take you.

LearningToNerd 1 14h5m

Women rarely ever cum from penetration and are more likely to cum from clitoral stimulation. Its really just biology, anatomy, whatever, that you have that result. And for some reason, men all seem to think we should be squirting all over their penis. It just isn't realistic. Not that penetration isn't fun. Its just less likely to get results. He's just gonna have to learn some female anatomy here.

jeani-cnr 1 14h7m

Yeah it not about loving sex it all about satisfying your partner making her cum that the best for me and some ladies .

LearningToNerd 1 14h7m


LMFeria 1 14h19m

Being eaten counts as sex lol

thereal_piggiesmalls 1 14h26m

All respect to OP and your partner, I would really try to communicate your desires in a effective way if you haven’t been so far. Perhaps try to find a way to stimulate & encourage him in the act. Verbally telling him how much it means and how fulfilled it makes you and the sexual experiences as a whole. Also returning the gesture with incredible oral performed on him before or after. It’s a huge stimulating factor for myself when I’m told or telling my partner how much I desire that act from them.

SummerEquinox71 1 14h52m

My girlfriend orgasms easily and almost always has multiple orgasms. I love eating her out but she is more eager to get me in. When I eat her out with a couple of fingers in, she gets very very wet and then when we have PIV after, it is much "roomier" for me so I take longer. This is the good part.

Now for the not so good...

Sometimes by the time I am done eating her, I have lost my erection while she is desperate for more. She will give me oral but that sometimes does not do it for me.

Sometimes she stinks down there during specific days of her cycle and that is obviously a no go zone. I tell her that, she understands.

My opinion, some people like oral, some people not so much. Some people like it sometime and not all the time, while some people cannot start without it.

No specific comment on your problem just treat it as some days are better than others kind of a thing.

oceanskyenerd 1 14h57m

I mean, is it even sex if you don't cum? It sounds like he's just using you to masturbate.

Regardless, it's worth mentioning the biological side of female orgasms, if you haven't already. Clitoral orgasms originate from stimulus to the clitoris, which vaginal orgasms originate from stimulus to the vaginal canal (such as penetrative sex). However, most women can't obtain vaginal orgasms without clitoral stimulation. It sounds like you prefer clitoral orgasms to vaginal orgasms, as many women do. Similarly, since women can orgasm multiple times, it's fairly common for partners to assist in a clitoral orgasm and then deliver a vaginal one, such as you mentioned.

More to the point, your communication seems fractured. Based on your post, it sounds like he didn't offer up much commentary or any solutions to the problem. In other words, it seems like this conversation about your sex life was less of a conversation, and more of a speech by you. More importantly, I'm concerned that he has apparently offered no interest in your pleasure or happiness with your sex life. Even if he doesn't understand WHY you prefer sex in this way, a good partner would express concern about your apparent displeasure and would WANT you to have an intense orgasm.

Even more worrying is the dip in your sex life. It could be other factors, so I think you should wait a bit longer and then talk to him about it. However, it could also be his attempt at frosting you out. Or he simply doesn't want to have sex, because now it requires more effort on his part. This is especially concerning, because he has not addressed his fears with you and he is apparently avoiding the issue entirely.

Personally, I'm a problem solver and I want my partner to be the same way. If there's a problem, I want them to address it with me so we can figure it out together. Especially when it comes to complex issues such as orgasms, which are basically trial and error. It worries me that apparently your boyfriend isn't even willing to try.

Lastly, I'd like to suggest both solo and couples therapy. You clearly have difficulties prioritizing your needs during relationships--and I'm guessing in other areas of life as well. A lot of women are taught to put their needs second to their family's, partner's, etc. needs, but it's unhealthy to do this all the time. You are advocating for yourself well, but I'm concerned that your boyfriend has made you second guess your needs and desires. This thinking is insidious and will infiltrate into other parts of your life. Work on it now, and it will serve you well in the long run. Good luck

butterfliesarefree2 1 15h33m

Ps..if you discover he is one, which I hope not..please feel free to pm me. I’m here for anyone who needs support with narcissistic abuse. Hopefully things will work out for you. 🌹

Elegabalus 1 15h55m

He may feel that if your show is over after being eaten out you will go limp starfish for the remainder of the show.

I'm not justifying it but trying to propose a possible explanation.

My wife can only cum through hard pressure using the magic wand... not possible through relations with another human being. At times this leads to the problem described above.

It could be a possibility or not at all.

natec70 1 16h8m

I love giving oral. If that's what my girlfriend prefers that what I would do. Relationships specifically the sexual part has to include compromise and at some point evolve.

UniqueAlways 0 1h29m

Not a new or unique situation. Women take long to cum. And most of us can’t cum from penetration alone. Oral is def the best orgasm but it can take quite a while and guys get tired and super amped and they want to dic down. Get a vibrator and pleasure yourself while he’s fucking you. Trust me on this. You’ll both cum away winners.

InexperiencedZamboni 19 1h54m

Why does she need to be responsible for both of their orgasms?

J-Unleashed 4 2h2m


annoymous9 1 2h7m

I so agree!

annoymous9 10 2h7m

I get where you’re coming from but I agree with the other comments below, why should I be responsible for making both himself cum and me! He should be making me Cum as well I think anyways

zprincezz 0 2h3m

Cum away! 🤣

dizzan85 0 2h9m

I've absolutely always finished a girl off before sex. I'm not getting off unless she does first. Lol.

annoymous9 1 2h25m

I wish I had this lol

Violetta311 0 2h46m

You can have it.

dizzan85 -2 2h32m

Where you at? Lol. I just feel like it's necessary for some reason. Like other folks said, sex isn't just about jamming it in there!

Herringbone1975 0 2h57m

I had a partner in my life when i finished her that way which she preferred. When it was time for me to finish she wanted me to hurry and cum because she said it would start to hurt. Needless to say our sex life was only fun for her because she got hers and it felt like I was hurting her. Didn't end so well. Lots of masterbation afterwards. Blowjobs and she said her mouth would hurt. BTW I believe im average size from looking at your average pornstar.

oppopswoft 0 2h58m

Your boyfriend is upset that this thing that makes him feel really good and close to you isn’t doing much for you. That’ll make him feel less sexual overall. Could be he has this idea that he’s failing if his penis alone can’t bring you to orgasm. That’s the conduit of his sexual energy, and so part of his sexual fulfillment is in your desire for his dick. So there’s a disconnect.

I think sexual spats are pretty normal in relationships. The mistake is not talking through them, and I think a lot of women resort to faking to avoid that confrontation. But your sexual gratification is just as valid as his, and the more you avoid talking through problems, the more walls come up. They get in the way of good sex, among other things.

So you have to talk this out. Be clinical first, and explain how your vagina and clitoral orgasms work. That they persist and aren’t just a one-off. Then get sexual with it and tell him that the most stimulating part of sex for you is being so desired that the man can’t keep his hands and mouth off you. Explain that it’s anticipation for what he wants to do to you with his penis that makes the foreplay so stimulating.

I think you’ll also want to try creating a narrative when you two have sex. Stuff like telling him throughout the day how much you want him to eat you out later, or that you’re going to get nice and clean soon to get your pussy ready for his mouth. Involve some light sub/dom play by telling him how you want him to own/control your vagina, or that he has to earn it. Be direct and emphatic: “I want you to make me cum with your mouth and then fuck me as hard as you can.” Etc.

There’s a disconnect in this current dynamic between foreplay and sex, and it’s making the thing feel transactional. That’s not helping anyone. So bridge that gap.

inthacut12 0 3h5m

I feel like i’m the only person who prefers sex to being eaten out. I’ll finish way faster

SkyPuppy561 2 5h34m

I’m jealous

chaau 1 6h11m

Just wanna tell you that going down on someone is sex too

Zero36 0 3h47m

It’s sad because I think a big part of successful sex in couples is in the giving and not the receiving. I find pleasure in knowing my SO is getting maximum pleasure. Even so much so that I keep going after I cum to a second or third time. And if she’s not there yet I would switch to hands.

It’s funny too because oral is sex. In fact many guys I know see that as the more treasures and “forbidden” kind of sex and wish that was more.

Maybe try to encourage him to do more oral by explaining that point. I find it odd that you’re telling him what pleases you and he’s offended by it.

Sometimes it could be related to something personal in his life he needs to work through whether it’s work or family related or maybe something in his past. Maybe he could see a therapist.

Also someone recommended “come as you are” and I’m gonna try reading it. Check out this ted talk she did https://youtu.be/lon25Nc1Vx8

Unshavenhelga 0 4h24m

He's selfish. Sorry for that.

rxinquestion 0 4h58m

Nothing sexier than breaking out that TI-84 to showcase that orgasmic sigmoid curve calculation and how each "peak" corresponds to the next. Gets me so hard!

shomemomemow 0 5h23m

Tell him to eat you out after he had his orgasm, and see which one he prefers lol.

Or say you don't want to have sex before orgasm.

Or say "yeah. I prefer oral over sex, whatchu gonna do about it"

NakedFrankDrebin 0 5h30m

What!? Tell him to grow the fuck up! I'm a 31M and just because I prefer my dick to me rubbed doesn't mean I don't enjoy my back or scalp being rubbed too... Who gives a shit if you prefer oral over piv? Who gives a shit if he prefers piv over oral? What matters is are you both willing to give the other what they prefer? If that is a commitment one isn't willing to uphold, then there in lies the problem.

So I don't understand what's the fucking problem here!?

Don't you dare question yourself if you might prefer oral over piv. That's your damn preference and you can own it! Doesn't mean he isn't getting his dick wet the way he wants it... Fucking grow up dude and learn to love to please your partner the way they like it!

03V6Premium 0 6h49m

I get that you like it, we all like certain things. I perform certain acts to my partner that I dont much care for but it drives her nuts so I do it. Eating a girl out is....an acquired taste and if he doesnt like it then he doesnt like it.The more you push him to do it the more he will not like it or the sex that follows. He will start to assoviate sex with doing things he doesmt like and before you know it, he just doesnt want sex.

It is a good thing he is willing to eat you out despite thay he doesnt like it. It shows he is commited to you and your pleasure but dont take it for granted. Ease up and go a few rpunds without it even if it means you dont get to cum.

Despite what everyone says, sex can be one sided on a session by session basis. That will mean sometimes its not all about what you like or what he likes. You have to take turns but ive found this is what has kept my sex life with my wife happy. We both are satisfied and feel loved.

TLDR: Let up on the eating out and he will probably want sex more.

rostrant 1 10h29m

What I’ve learned from subs like this is that some guys care a great deal about pleasing their partner and use information such as this to learn more about how to provide the ultimate sexual experience for her. Other guys simply respond in ways that try to justify their selfishness concerning all things sexual. It all boils down to this- find a partner who willingly and happily gives you what you need and want. There’s someone for everyone.

INTPGemini 0 9h11m

He’s bogus for that. In college I had some sexual education classes and we actually went over “mature” vs “immature” orgasms. Most women get off from clitoral stimulation (immature) more from what the studies at that time showed, instead of orgasms via penetration. Hopefully he realizes that he’s not being fair and it isn’t all about him.

Kik1313 -1 54m

I actually had the other way around thought for awhile. For me oral and sex is not the same. So my gf dosen't cum from sex. So I was like id like oral, where the goal isn't to make me hard for sex, but the goal is for me to cum. It wasnt like she wasn't doing it but not as often i guess. But saying that if you cum from sex its the same is kinda dumb. Its even more different for women with penetration and clitoral..

Just_Another_Scott -1 1h24m

Sounds to me like your boyfriend is a selfish lover. He doesn't care about your needs or wants and only cares about his.

You've voiced your concerns to him and he didn't listen. So what's you going to do now?

Are you ok with him ignoring you? Is that a relationship you want?

Edit: Don't know why this is getting downvoted when this is the most classic case. OP sucks her boyfriend off without anything in return. Her boyfriend wont do the same for her nor will he do what she asks. He's ignored her wants and needs as she has voiced them to him. That's a selfish lover.

annoymous9 2 2h5m

I’m not sure what I’m going to do tbh, I’m so confused! And no I hate being ignored it’s a pet peeve of mine, I want a very sexual but romantic relationship

Just_Another_Scott 2 2h9m

All you can do is communicate that to him but he's the one that's got to listen and act.

It's up to on what to do it he doesn't.

miss_sugar_tits 2 4h59m

He should at least try other ways to help you out. But if he really really loves you, he'd be trying a lot of things till you're satisfied since he doesnt like eating you out.

drivincryin -1 2h27m


yoitzmaddie -1 3h34m

find a better man

foxbat51 -1 4h20m

I love performing oral on a lady. My moto is my lady always cums first. Preferably several times.

MercuryAI -1 5h0m

He's hurt because it seems like you don't actually like something that's pretty central to a guy. His dick.

If you want him to go down on you more, go down on him more. That way he'll see it as just part of normal sex, and that you enjoy giving pleasure to him as well. Then he will feel you want him anyway and he really won't have a reason not to go down on you.

rostrant 4 10h5m

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again- re-read OP’s original post and following comments. I can tell which men are probably selfish lovers in this sub...they don’t even take the time to carefully read what OP is saying. They just start typing things about “give your guy more head”, etc.

ReadySteddy100 -1 5h54m

He should definitely please you for sure. But to get some perspective, if every time you had a sexual encounter with him you had to blow him to completion would that get perhaps a tad tiring after a while? I imagine it would.

Lots of dudes like genuinely like going down on women to please them, but don't necessarily enjoy the act itself all that much. So they're motivated to do it every now and then to please their partner, but as a required thing before every sexual encounter does become a bit of a chore and a box that has to be checked before the real fun happens.

Kaanluum 6 7h32m

She is not saying she wants oral every time they have sex. She’s saying she would like it if sometimes, oral would lead to orgasm. He already performs oral on her so doesn’t have a problem with that. His problem is he can’t picture giving a woman an orgasm without his penis because he is insecure.

The comparison you make is not accurate, men come with both oral and PIV sex, while for most women their only chance to get an orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. It would be more like knowing your man can only come with a blowjob, giving him oral, and stopping every damn time just before he comes. I bet he would be very frustrated.

ReadySteddy100 0 7h38m

I think you're drawing conclusions. I don't see anywhere in the post where it says he "can't picture giving a woman an orgasm without his penis because he is insecure." As a man of 30 years I would place my money on the fact that he just doesn't want to do it every time for extended periods of time. Just IMO tho

Kaanluum 1 9h7m

Well it doesn’t say insecurity clearly but it is what immediately comes to mind when reading this. If he was confident enough he would be able to communicate his feelings. She never said she demands him to give her oral everytime they have sex. He might only do it from time to time, only OP can answer this question really. The problem seems that apparently he is quite fine with her not getting an orgasm when they have sex. Whenever she could reach it, he prefers to jump directly into PIV and get his, leaving her unsatisfied. And while she can bj him quickly before he goes to work, only focusing on him, he will never reciprocate.

While I understand oral can be tiring, he can switch to fingers, dick, toy, whatever to take her there. There are plenty of ways to stimulate the clitoris. He doesn’t seem to be very concerned about her orgasm though, or communication. I tell you being in a relationship with someone that cannot pleasure you and can not hear advice without feeling attacked and disminished is quite frustrating.

ReadySteddy100 0 9h14m

It doesn't say every time but her verbiage does imply that. That being said, I'm still willing to bet if the BF wanted her to give him a BJ to completion before every sexual encounter the responses here would be quite different. And who knows how long she takes to completion? Honestly I don't know many dudes who want to feel required to go down on a woman every time they have sex especially when the woman can orgasm from PIV like OP stated she can.

rostrant 2 10h11m

She doesn’t imply that. You’re projecting.

ReadySteddy100 1 10h16m

"Eat me out first and then when I've came we can have sex." That is a clear implication. Note the word "sometimes" isn't in there. Most of the women are projecting, not me. Go further up this comment thread and thats also clear.

Kaanluum 2 10h36m

It doesn’t imply that it’s every time at all. Men rarely like giving oral, usually bj is at the menu at least 5 times more often than cunni. The post states that when he does though, he never makes her come, while she does bj him to completion. Frequency of cunni really depends on how many times a week they have sex as well, if it’s once or twice I don’t see how it can be so terrible to give oral to your partner everytime.

As a woman, the orgasms you get from PIV are way more difficult to achieve, they take way longer to reach and have nothing to do with the ones you can get through oral. They’re more fastidious and you need to be quite in the mood psychologically. Not managing to have one is pretty common, this is why simulating an orgasm to end PIV sex quicker is common too, while we can’t get enough of oral.

It’s a shame for her that he seems so unwilling to please her. I don’t think they should stay together if they really are that incompatible sexually. Even if she needed oral every time, there are plenty of men that love getting down on women.

ReadySteddy100 0 10h44m

It's right there in plain text. 🤣 Its not even an implication honestly, its a fact clearly stated by OP. How can that be refuted?

Kaanluum 2 10h46m

Where does it say that’s she demands he gives her oral every time they have sex? I must have missed it then, can you quote?

ReadySteddy100 0 10h48m

I can, thank you for asking.

"Eat me out first and then when I've come we can have sex."

Kaanluum 2 10h57m

This certainly doesn’t mean that she demands oral EVERY time. It means “finish eating me out and then get inside me”.

Kaanluum 1 11h0m

Anyways, point is if he cannot satisfy her, she should probably end their relationship and find someone with more sexual experience.

AXone1814 -8 2h16m

Love how everyone here is taking OPs side here and calling out the BF when if the roles were reversed and a guy posted “I prefer blowjobs but my GF wants to have regular intercourse” you would all be in here with pitchforks 😂

DevilAngel9 1 3h37m

I don't know if that's true to be honest. Well, I wouldn't call out the guy in that scenario.

ArbitraryTurking -10 1h59m

As this was deleted from your main so it could be reposted anonymously, I'm going to repost my reply as well.

"Double standard detected.

Reverse the genders and I would be telling the male OP to get over himself and stop demanding a blowjob just because he's eaten out his girlfriend a few times (and he isn't even sure she likes to be eaten out). As such I'm gonna have to go against the majority on this one and give you the same advice I'd give a guy.

You two just aren't compatible. You either need to reconcile he won't give oral or move on to another relationship."

If your boyfriend reacts to eating pussy the way I react to the subject of anal, he isn't getting over it. Thankfully my wife doesn't demand anal or we'd have parted ways long before getting married.

Edit-- the double standard is not from OP, it's from the dominant type of reply that showed up on the original post that has since been reposted under a throwaway. Those replies basically said "he should do it because you need it". Preferences are not a need. Box lunches are not fucking insuline. They're frosting.

GMgoddess 14 2h22m

I agree on the sexually incompatibility.

However, demanding blowjobs every time isn’t the same as needing to be eaten out to cum (or given some other clitoral stimulation) in addition to PIV, as men don’t usually have a hard time getting off during PIV while many women can’t at all during that particular sex act.

ArbitraryTurking -4 2h25m

In the post where OP used a main instead of a throwaway, she said she wasn't even sure if he liked getting head but that she needed it. I quoted that reply then expanded on it in the bottom of my comment.

In the new post OP also states she can get off without being eaten out. She just prefers being eaten out. Totally different from a guy who can get off without being blown but prefers to be blown /s

karikit 11 2h19m

There's a LOT of assumptions you've made in your repost for you to claim that she has a double standard. And if you see OPs other responses you can see that she's been happy to suck him off before he goes to work without expecting any pleasure in return, she doesn't ask that he finish her orally all the time, just some of the time.

I think the amounts of oral that she asks for is fair. At the end of the day, she just wants to have an orgasm "too". Now, if he's not interested in pleasuring his partner and instead makes her feel guilty for requiring more than PIV to get off, that is a clear poor fit. In fact, he wouldn't be good fit for many women who struggle to orgasm.

It's a pretty big double standard for you to equate oral to anal, isn't it? He's clearly fine with oral when it's done to him but suddenly it's like asking for anal when he's expected to reciprocate?

annoymous9 10 2h20m

I don’t see where double standards is coming into this post at no point have I said I won’t give him blowjobs, I love giving him Blowjobs and give him them all the time. I’ll give him them without expecting anything in return I think you’ve missed the point of the post

HassBrave2019 -12 1h31m

Some guy don’t like to eat out their partners. That’s normal. It’s just something they don’t like. You can’t force ur Bf to do this to you if he already said he doesn’t like. Live with it if you love him.

annoymous9 6 2h8m

But he does love it, he’s told me many times and he loves the taste of it too he said. Just he isn’t doing it as much anymore and not for as long

rostrant 5 10h44m

I’ll bet you’re getting tired of having to re-explain yourself over and over just because some guys can’t read your comments objectively. Ugh. This says so much about them.

HassBrave2019 1 2h43m

Well, then that’s something he has to pay attention to since he has no issues to give that to u. I hope he understands that you have needs need to be met