

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Joint Session Live Blogging #5

10:09 PM: NO, WOLF BLITZER! IT WAS THE SAME TONE AS THE INAUGURATION! Shit, even Jake Tapper is saying he's pivoting.

10:11 PM:

Joint Session Live Blogging, #4

9:52 PM: VOICE? This is a fascist nightmare.

9:55 PM: America's gonna pray for you because your life sucks.

9:56 PM: Thought so.

9:57 PM: He died while you were eating your well-done steak with ketchup.

9:58 PM: He is lying like crazy about a military operation. Not unprecedented, I guess.

10:00 PM: He's looking down at you saying "You killed me, you asshole!"

10:01 PM: So our troops are how we show our friendship?

10:02 PM: "The money is just pouring in." I'm going to guess I'm going to see a Tweet disproving that in the next five minutes.

10:04 PM: Wow... make new friends and forge new partnerships... He really can't lay off Putin!

10:06 PM:

10:07 PM:

Joint Session Live Blogging #3

9:37 PM: Eisenhower gave us the Interstate. You gonna give us anything specific?

9:38 PM: I really wish I could've heard what Elizabeth Warren just said.

9:39 PM: He could've made nearly all of this speech in October. And he basically did.

9:40 PM: I LOVE seeing the whole Democratic section staying in their seats.

9:41 PM: Health Savings Accounts.... Americans have been learning this is a phrase to hate.

9:44 PM: We are NOT joining forces with you.

9:45 PM: Was thinking the same thing:

9:45 PM: Did he just suggest we need to create pharmaceutical companies to cure our own families?

9:49 PM:

9:51 PM: How many Presidents have given an address to Congress where he basically said, "Worst. Country. Ever."?

Joint Session Liveblogging #2

9:22 PM:

9:23 PM: It's difficult to put words to how much I detest this monster.

9:25 PM: "A beachhead of terrorism." That's a new one. #ShiningCity

9:27 PM: Boy, does Justice Kagan look uncomfortable.

9:29 PM:

9:30 PM: Bannon and Miller were certainly involved in writing this.

9:31 PM: Why are Democrats applauding at all?

9:32 PM: Harley-Davidson brought motorcycles to the White House because he couldn't go to them...

9:35 PM:

Joint Session Live Blogging... Why Not?

9:07 PM: I probably will only comment when he goes off prompter, but we'll see...

9:09 PM: "This is how democracy dies..."

9:09 PM: Stumbles right off the bat.

9:10 PM: Actually kinda starts in the right place... finally.

9:11 PM:

9:12 PM: I still can't believe this is real.

9:13 PM: I'm sure that drug stat is false. Our drug problems are homemade.

9:14 PM: America First. Is this the first fascist joint session?

9:16 PM: We're American Carnaging here again... And has a President ever tooted his own horn like this in a first Joint Session?

9:16 PM: Nancy Pelosi... if looks could kill, the Capitol would've been burning in Wildfire by now.

9:19 PM:

The Buck Stops... Over There?

Unbelievable, yet so believable:

After eleventy-billion investigations of what Hillary Clinton's responsibility might have been in Benghazi, which was totally defensive in nature, Republicans stand by a "President" who blames "the generals" for an offensive mission THAT HE ORDERED.

Earworm of the Afternoon -- Video Killed the Radio Star

This has been one of my favorite albums since junior year of high school -- I bought it while playing hooky bar car for the first time and going to the mall. And I had no idea that this was a bonus track on the expanded edition, which has been out for almost a decade.

Works well.

Bonus Late Night Track -- The Battle of Who Could Care Less

Whatever and ever amen...

Late Night Track -- One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Daily Combover - February 27, 2017

With Trump's CPAC speech in the rear view mirror, he went back to his usual routine of:

1. Bragging about his crowd sizes:
To which Senator Bernie Sanders replied:
2. Taking credit for President Obama's economic successes:
To which I replied:
3. Trolling the Democrats:
To which Chairman Tom Perez replied:
4. Trashing on any news of his ties to Russia as FAKE NEWS!
To which the media replied by revealing the 4th high level Trumper implicated with nefarious Russian connections. In the end, he will go down. I have no doubt about it in my mind.

And for bonus Trump, be sure to check out this Jezebel piece on his dining habits. He really does ruin everything he touches.

Catch you on the flip side.

Let's Not Let Americans Forget This in 2018

I have no idea why he'd be so dumb as to say this, but he apparently is:

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said Monday that congressional Republicans’ agenda "is exactly the same as the Trump agenda."

Tie that anchor around their necks, Dems.

Not Making It Go Away, Spicey

On Friday, Spicer said there was no investigation by the FBI into Trump's connections to Russia:

Q    I'm not.  I'm actually asking to stay on the topic, which was the topic of the Russia investigation, not what you're talking about.  So on the topic of the Russia investigation, what you have said is there is no knowledge at the White House of any investigation into ties with Russia?
MR. SPICER:  I am not aware of an investigation.  If there was one, then they should follow the law.

Today, it's been "investigated up and down?"

If the FBI hasn't been investigating, and the Congressional ones haven't really gotten going, and the 17 intelligence agencies who determined that Russia was involved didn't find the truth, who is doing the investigating? The Mexicans? Someone's been doing the investigating. 

It certainly hasn't been the DoJ. They're busy getting right into taking voting rights away from brown people and thinking about how to harsh everyone's mellow.

Earworm of the Afternoon -- Low

Once a lover
Never suffer
So far away from here
Feeling hollow
Head to toe, so low

Stay and hijack the hurt
I feel so low, I feel so high
Take a look inside my mind

It's Not That Hard

I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal about the NY Times ad during the Oscars.

Much of the press, including the Times, makes finding the truth a lot harder than it should be. What's difficult is constantly finding ways to provide more than one truth, or "Both siderism." One side lies a lot, and the other is right more often than it can be credited for. Through that lens' it's so much simpler.

John Oliver brought up the Republicans lack of a plan to replace the Affordable Care Act tonight.  From decades of experience, we know that the Republicans' inability to come up with a replacement plan is not a bug, but a feature. Yes, the are incompetent. But not only couldn't they write that plan, they have no real interest in doing so.

Does the press actually know that? It's unclear. However, even if it does, it pretends it's not the case so they can make both sides roughly equivalent... both parties are doing their best to help the American people but just have different ways of doing it. It's not true, but the Times simply won't say, "The Republicans are trying to take healthcare away from 30 million Americans and cut taxes considerably for the wealthy, while the Democrats would very much like to fill in the gaps in the existing program."

How much work would that take?

Late Night Track -- Adhesive

Sunday, February 26, 2017

The Daily Banter on Chez

From Ben Cohen:

We learned late Saturday night of his untimely death and are awaiting further details. Chez, our editor-at-large, was part of the soul of The Daily Banter, and his DNA will live through it forever.

More here.

Sounds Healthy

Spicer tries to plug the entire bottom of the bucket with his stubby fingers:


Know what would suck? If this news leak.... oh. I guess that does suck.

Just a matter of time before Trump "plugs" Spicey.

Earworm of the Afternoon -- Bandstand in the Sky

Extra Late Night Track -- Drunk

Thanks, buddy.

RIP, Chez Pazienza

I just can't.

Chez was one of the top five inspirations for whatever the hell it is Ari and I do here, and I'm going to have a lot to say about him over the next few days. But for now, sayonara, you inglorious bastard. I love you, brother.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Late Night Track -- Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song)

Hugging It Out

This was a good move:

Ellison's awesome. It's his supporters that are making him look bad.

UPDATE (2/25/2017, 3:53 PM): Video!

The Professional Left Podcast, 2/24/2017 -- Episode 377 -- DNC Chair? Don't Care (and Other News)

In this week's Professional Left podcast, the Cornfield Resistance gains yet another new sponsor, and Driftglass tells Nick Kristof where he can put his "understanding of Trump supporters."

Listen here.

Obama Goes To Congress (Because I Said So)

President Obama looks like he's recovering nicely from the last eight years:

We need him to get back to work with us! So I have a thought, though it'll never happen.

If the Democrats pick up the House in 2018, the Dem Party be in the driver's seat to elect the new Speaker of the House. That'll probably be Nancy Pelosi. Now, I love Nancy and she's one of the best Speakers we've had... but check this out:


Why not push for Barack Obama as House Speaker? Not that I think he'd want do do it, but wouldn't that be an interesting incentive for people to vote Democratic in 2018? He's pretty darned popular right now.

Also, from a purely Sorkian perspective, how incredible would a direct showdown on Capitol Hill between Obama and Trump be?

30 years of Obama on the Hill? Yes, please.

UPDATE (2/25/2017, 1:25 PM): While I'm playing fantasy politics, I'm totally cool with Tom Perez or Keith Ellison as DNC Chair, but there's a better choice -- someone who's trying to straighten up his life and get a real job for the first time in years.

Earworm of the Afternoon -- The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

Would you do it?
If you could make everybody poor just so you could be rich
Would you do it?
Would you do it?
If you could take all the love without giving any back
Would you do it?

With all your power
With all your power
With all your power
What would you do?

Friday, February 24, 2017

Adult White House

Apparently, not the same as the "Southern White House":

The Daily Combover - February 24, 2017

This morning at exactly 10:23 AM, Trump parlayed all of his frustrations with the media, Democrats, the poor, the FBI, educated people, black people, brown people, female people, and especially non-Christian people into what he called his 41 minute CPAC Address.

Here we go:
10:23 A.M. EST
Great to be back at CPAC.  (Applause.) The place I have really --
AUDIENCE MEMBER:  We love you!
So much love! I think we need to rebrand "Love Trumps Hate" to "Trump Loves Hate," because the Haters' Ball has nothing on what you're about to read.

And when Matt called and asked, I said, absolutely, I'll be there with you.  I mean, the real reason I said it -- I didn’t want him to go against me because that one you can’t beat.  So I said, absolutely.  And it really is an honor to be here.
His usual introductory thank you to the organizers was followed immediately by his first target: The Media.
AUDIENCE:  USA! USA! USA!  (Applause.) 
THE PRESIDENT:  So -- sit down.  (Laughter.)  Donald Trump did not get a standing ovation.  They leave out the part, they never sat down.  They leave that out.  So I just want to thank -- but you know, my first major speech was at CPAC.  And probably five or six years ago -- first major political speech.  And you were there.
You didn't want me, but I wanted to be here, but you wanted me to be here.

Pardon me while I facepalm.
So I’ve been with CPAC for a long time.  All of these years, we've been together.  And now you finally have a president.  Finally.  Took you a long time.  Took you a long time.  (Applause.) 
And it’s patriots like you that made it happen, believe me -- believe me.  You did it because you love your country, because you want a better future for your children, and because you want to make America great again.  (Applause.) 
Back to thanking people again. And since we're trying to set a trend here, after Trump thanks someone, it's been statistically shown that he must follow the thank you with an attack on the media.

In 5, 4, 3, ....
The media didn't think we would win.  
AUDIENCE MEMBER:  They knew. (Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT:  The pundits -- you’re right.  They had an idea.  The pundits didn't think we would win.  The consultants that suck up all that money.  Oh, they suck it up, they’re so good.  (Laughter.)  They’re not good at politics, but they’re really good at sucking up people’s money.  Especially my opponent’s, because I kept them down to a minimum.
THE PRESIDENT:  But the consultants didn’t think we would win.  But they all underestimated the power of the people -- you.  And the people proved them totally wrong.  Never -- and this is so true, and this is what’s been happening -- never underestimate the people.  Never.  I don’t think it will ever happen again.
Haters gonna hate.

Oh but we're not done yet.
OK who was betting on three instances of media hate?

Tough because here comes another round:
They are very dishonest people.  In fact, in covering my comments, the dishonest media did not explain that I called the fake news the enemy of the people -- the fake news.  They dropped off the word “fake.”  And all of the sudden, the story became, the media is the enemy.  They take the word “fake” out, and now I’m saying, oh, no, this is no good.  But that’s the way they are.  So I’m not against the media.  I’m not against the press.  I don’t mind bad stories if I deserve them.  And I tell you, I love good stories, but we won’t -- (laughter) -- I don’t get too many of them.

He said "fake" five times, so that's 5 sips to you drinkers out there.

Here's that story in case you were wondering what he was talking about.
So you have no idea how bad it is, because if you are not part of the story -- and I put myself in your position sometimes, because many of you, you’re not part of the story, and if you’re not part of the story, then you sort of know.  If you are part of the story, you know what they’re saying is true or not.  So when they make it up, and they make up something else, and you saw that before the election -- polls, polls.  The polls.  They come out with these polls, and everybody was so surprised.  Actually, a couple of polls got it right.  I must say, Los Angeles Times did a great job.  Shocking, because -- you know.  They did a great job.  (Applause.)  And we had a couple of others that were right.
Cue Beyonce: Polls, polls, polls, keep reading my robo-polls. Keep reading my telephone polls.

On a side note, the LA Times had the absolute worst polls. They were the furthest from the actual end results. It wasn't even close. One of these things is not like the others.

But who are we kidding? It's not like he's going to let the LA Times anywhere near his briefing room anyway.

But generally speaking, I mean, I can tell you the network.  Somebody said a poll came out.  And I say, what network is it?  And they’ll say, a certain -- let’s not even mention names right?  Should we?
Well, you have a lot of them.  Look, the Clinton new network is one.  (Applause.)  Totally.  Take a look.  Honestly.  Take a look at their polls over the last two years.  Now, you would think they would fire the pollster, right?  After years and years of getting battered.  But I don’t -- I mean, who knows, maybe they’re just bad at polling.  Or maybe they’re not legit.  But it’s one or the other.  Look at how inaccurate -- look at CBS, look at ABC also.  Look at NBC.  Take a look at some of these polls.  They’re so bad, so inaccurate.  
And what that does is it creates a false narrative.  It creates like this narrative that’s just like we’re not going to win, and people say, "Oh, I love Trump, but you know I’m not feeling great today.  He can’t win.  So I won’t go and vote.  I won’t go and vote."  It creates a whole false deal and we have to fight it folks.  We have to fight it.  They’re very smart, they’re very cunning, and they’re very dishonest.
Alright we get it. You HATE! the media. HATE! HATE HATE HATE!!! We get it.
So just to conclude -- I mean, it’s a very sensitive topic, and they get upset when we expose their false stories.  They say that we can't criticize their dishonest coverage because of the First Amendment.  You know, they always bring up the First Amendment.  (Laughter.)  And I love the First Amendment.  Nobody loves it better than me.  Nobody.  (Applause.)  I mean, who uses it more than I do?
But the First Amendment gives all of us -- it gives it to me, it gives it to you, it gives all Americans -- the right to speak our minds freely.  It gives you the right and me the right to criticize fake news, and criticize it strongly.  (Applause.)  
Phew. I'm glad the HATE! is over. I need an Advil. I'll be right back. Let me know if I miss anything.
Are you fucking kidding me? He just went off on the media AGAIN?

This is depressing.
Alright back to campaign mode. Trump's bread and butter. His cash cow.
This flag?
So we’re all part of this very historic movement, a movement the likes of which, actually, the world has never seen before.  There’s never been anything like this.  There’s been some movements, but there’s never been anything like this.  There’s been some movements that petered out, like Bernie -- petered out.  (Laughter.)  But it was a little rigged against him -- superdelegate, superdelegate.  She had so many delegates before the thing even started.  I actually said to my people, how does that happen?  (Laughter.)  Not that I’m a fan of Bernie, but a lot of Bernie people voted for Trump.  You know why?  Because he’s right on one issue:  Trade.  He was right about trade.
RIGGED!  (drink!)

HATE! on Hillary, the DNC, Democrats, Bernie. HATE! HATE! HATE!
 Berniebots in the house tonight!
First, we need to define what this great, great unprecedented movement is, and what it actually represents.  The core conviction of our movement is that we are a nation that put and will put its own citizens first.  (Applause.)  For too long we’ve traded away our jobs to other countries -- so terrible.  We’ve defended other nations’ borders while leaving ours wide open; anybody can come in.  
Alright he's finally reading his script. Let's see how long he'll la-

No! You there in the audience, don't do it....
Pandora's Box has been opened. God help us all:
 I thiink the record is skipping, record is skipping, record is skipping.
Tell me another one funny man
Now, I’ve been watching -- and nobody says it -- but Obamacare doesn’t work, folks.  I mean, I could say -- I could talk -- it doesn’t work.  And now people are starting to develop a little warm heart, but the people that you’re watching, they’re not you.  They’re largely -- many of them are the side that lost.  You know, they lost the election.  It’s like, how many elections do we have to have?  They lost the election.  (Laughter.)  
Who likes ObamaCare anyway?

What's that? Record high support?

Look over there! Frank Luntz has a beard!

And remember, deduct from the number all of the people that had great health care that they loved, that was taken away from them; was taken away from them.  (Applause.)  Millions of people were very happy with their health care.  They had their doctor, they had their plan.  Remember the lie -- 28 times.  “You can keep your doctor, you can keep your plan” -- over and over and over again you heard it.  
So we’re going to repeal and replace Obamacare.  (Applause.)  And I tell Paul Ryan and all of the folks that we’re working with very hard -- Dr. Tom Price, very talented guy -- but I tell them from a purely political standpoint, the single-best thing we can do is nothing.  Let it implode completely -- it’s already imploding.  You see the carriers are all leaving.  I mean, it’s a disaster.
Oh you foolish poor people who like your healthcare. You're too poor to know what's good for you. Here's a little HATE! to replace your ObamaCare subsidies. HATE! HATE! HATE HATE HATE!!!
THE PRESIDENT:  But we’re taking a firm, bold and decisive measure -- we have to -- to turn things around.  The era of empty talk is over.  It’s over.  (Applause.)  Now is the time for action.  So let me tell you about the actions that we’re taking right now to deliver on our promise to the American people, and on my promise to make America great again.
 And did I mention Brown people? Yeah I HATE! those guys too. HATE! HATE! HATE!
By stopping the flow of illegal immigration, we will save countless tax dollars, and that's so important because the tax -- the dollars that we're losing are beyond anything that you can imagine.  And the tax dollars that can be used to rebuild struggling American communities -- including our inner cities.  (Applause.)
Nothing worse than Brown people except Brown people who work for pennies on the dollar making other people richer than me. HATE! HATE HATE! HAAAAATTTTTEEEEE!

We are also going to save countless American lives.  As we speak today, immigration officers are finding the gang members, the drug dealers and the criminal aliens, and throwing them the hell out of our country.  (Applause.)  And we will not let them back in.  They're not coming back in, folks.  (Applause.)  If they do, they're going to have bigger problems than they ever dreamt of.
I'm also working with the Department of Justice to begin reducing violent crime.  I mean, can you believe what's happening in Chicago, as an example?  Two days ago, seven people were shot --
THE PRESIDENT:  -- and, I believe, killed.  Seven people.  Seven people.  Chicago, a great American city.  Seven people shot and killed.  
Chicago gets the honor today of being the first city that gets HATE!
We will support the incredible men and women of law enforcement.  (Applause.)  Thank you.  And thank them.  I've also followed through on my campaign promise and withdrawn America from the Trans-Pacific Partnership -- (applause) -- so that we can protect our economic freedom.  And we are going to make trade deals, but we're going to do one-on-one, one-on-one.  And if they misbehave, we terminate the deal.  And then they'll come back, and we'll make a better deal.  (Applause.)  None of these big quagmire deals that are a disaster.  Just take a look -- by the way, take a look at NAFTA, one of the worst deals ever made  by any country having to do with economic development.  It's economic undevelopment as far as our country is concerned. 
Trade? Trade? Now we're talking about trade? HATE HATE HATE!!!!
e're preparing to repeal and replace the disaster known as Obamacare.  (Applause.)  We're going to save Americans from this crisis, and give them the access to the quality healthcare they need and deserve.
And back to ObamaCare for a sentence.
We have authorized the construction, one day, of the Keystone and Dakota Access pipelines.  (Applause.)  And issued a new rule.  This took place while I was getting ready to sign.  I said, who makes the pipes for the pipeline?  Well, sir, it comes from all over the world, isn't that wonderful?  I said, nope, it comes from the United States or we're not building one.  (Applause.)  American steel.   If they want a pipeline in the United States, they're going to use pipe that's made in the United States, do we agree?  (Applause.)
 And now energy. Did his teleprompter glitch?
But can you imagine -- I told this story the other day -- can you imagine the gentleman -- never met him, don't even know the name of his company.  I actually sort of know it, but I want to get it exactly correct.  Big, big, powerful company.  They spent hundreds of millions of dollars on the pipeline -- same thing with the Dakota, different place.  They got their approvals, everything, in the case of Dakota, then all of a sudden they couldn't connect it because they had people protesting that never showed up before.
Oh you guys are going to love this story! There's the guy. We'll call him, uh, you know, uh, gentleman. And gentleman worked for, um, yeah ok ok, I got it. Gentleman worked for a company. Yeah that's it. A company that - and no you're not getting the name out of me - a company that's big. How big? Bigger than big. BIGLY! (applause)
But with the Keystone -- so they spend hundreds of millions of dollars with bloodsucker consultants, you know, sucking the blood out of the company -- "don't worry, I use them all my life; okay, don't worry, we're going to get it approved, I'm connected, I'm a lobbyist, don't worry."  Bottom line, Obama didn't sign it.  Could be 42,000 jobs -- somewhere around there.  A lot of jobs.  Didn't sign it.  But can you imagine -- he gave up.  A year ago it was dead.  
Editor's note: It's actually a lot lower than 42,000 jobs. It's not even 42 jobs.
Now he's doing nothing, calling his wife, "Hello, darling, I'm a little bored, you know that pipeline?"  That has killed us, that has killed our company.  Knock, knock.  "Mr. so-and-so, the Keystone pipeline, sir, out of nowhere, has just been approved."  (Applause.)  Now, can you imagine the expression?  And you know the sad part?  The same bloodsucking consultants that hit him for all the money and failed?  They're now going to go back to him and say, didn't we do a great job?  We want more money, right, because that's the way the system works.  A little bit off, but that's the way the system works.
Did he just try to tell a "Knock, Knock" joke?

We're preparing bold action to lift the restrictions on American energy, including shale, oil, natural gas, and beautiful clean coal, and we're going to put our miners back to work.  (Applause.)  Miners are going back to work.  (Applause.)  Miners are going back to work, folks.  Sorry to tell you that, but they're going back to work.  
I know you mindless drones are lazy but guess what? You're going back to work. Sorrrrrry.
We have begun a historic program to reduce the regulations that are crushing our economy -- crushing.  And not only our economy, crushing our jobs, because companies can't hire.  We're going to put the regulation industry out of work and out of business.  (Applause.)  And, by the way, I want regulation.  I want to protect our environment.  I want regulations for safety.  I want all of the regulations that we need, and I want them to be so strong and so tough.  But we don't need 75 percent of the repetitive, horrible regulations that hurt companies, hurt jobs, make us noncompetitive overseas with other companies from other countries.  That, we don't need.  But we're going to have regulations.  It's going to be really strong and really good, and we're going to protect our environment, and we're going to protect the safety of our people and our workers.  (Applause.)
In anticipation of these and other changes, jobs are already starting to pour back into our country -- you see that.  In fact, I think I did more than any other pre-President -- they say President-elect.  President-elect is meeting with Ford, he's meeting with Chrysler, he's meeting with General Motors.  I just wanted to save a little time.  (Laughter.)  Because Ford and Fiat-Chrysler, General Motors, Sprint, Intel and so many others are now, because of the election result, making major investments in the United States, expanding production and hiring more workers.  And they're going back to Michigan, and they're going back to Ohio, and they're going back to Pennsylvania, and they're going back to North Carolina, and to Florida.  (Applause.)
Energy, Taxes, and Jobs, oh my!
It's time for all Americans to get off of welfare and get back to work.  You're going to love it!  You're going to love it.  You are going to love it.  (Applause.)
Time for more HATE! on the poor. HATE! HATE! HATE!
We're also putting in a massive budget request for our beloved military.  (Applause.)  And we will be substantially upgrading all of our military -- all of our military.  Offensive, defensive, everything.  Bigger and better and stronger than ever before.  And hopefully, we'll never have to use it.  But nobody is going to mess with us, folks.  Nobody.  (Applause.)
It will be one of the greatest military buildups in American history.  No one will dare to question -- as they have been, because we're very depleted, very, very depleted.  Sequester.  Sequester.  Nobody will dare question our military might again.  We believe in peace through strength, and that's what we will have.  (Applause.)  
Hey Congress you can take your Sequester and HATE! on it. HATE HATE HATE!!! HATE! HATE!
Trump prefers simple solutions. A few hundred nuclear weapons should do the trick.
At the same time, we fully understand that national security begins with border security.  Foreign terrorists will not be able to strike America if they cannot get into our country.  (Applause.)  And by the way, take a look at what's happening in Europe, folks.  Take a look at what's happening in Europe.  I took a lot of heat on Sweden.  (Laughter.)  And then a day later, I said, has anybody reported what's going on?  And it turned out that they didn't -- not too many of them did.  (Laughter.)  Take a look at what happened in Sweden.  I love Sweden.  Great country.  Great people.  I love Sweden.  But they understand I'm right.  The people over there understand I'm right.  Take a look at what's happening in Sweden.  Take a look at what's happening in Germany.  Take a look at what's happened in France.  Take a look at Nice and Paris.  
Brown people? They're the ones behind the Swedish Meatball Massacre! HATE! HATE! HATE!
I have a friend -- he's a very, very substantial guy.  He loves the City of Lights.  He loves Paris.  For years, every year, during the summer, he would go to Paris -- it was automatic -- with his wife and his family.  I hadn’t seen him in a while.  And I said, Jim, let me ask you a question:  How’s Paris doing?  "Paris?  I don’t go there anymore.  Paris is no longer Paris."  That was four years -- four, five years -- hasn’t gone there.  He wouldn’t miss it for anything.  Now he doesn’t even think in terms of going there.  Take a look at what’s happening to our world, folks, and we have to be smart.  We have to be smart.  We can’t let it happen to us.  (Applause.) 
Alright another joke and it was a good one. He has a friend. HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah that's a good one! Hahahaha.
And don't get me started on rainbows.

I like soup. Especially the thin tasteless ones like Campbell's. You want them extra runny. No chunks in my soup. Campbell's you listening? We need some endorsements for our 2020 campaign. You in?
We’re meeting with unions, meeting with law enforcement, and we’re meeting with leaders from all around the world, where the White House doors used to be totally closed -- they were closed, folks.  You don’t realize that.  They were closed.  They’re now wide open.  And they’re open for people doing business for our country and putting people to work.  (Applause.) 
We will fix our broken and embarrassing trade deals that are no good -- none of them.  You wonder, where did the people come from that negotiated these deals?  Where did they come from?
 Oh I can't wait to find out! Don't hold out on me!
No moron. Not government. I AM THE GOVERNMENT. You sit down stupid. Who's stupid now? Yeah you're the stupid one, stupid.
They love this country so much they want to wash the streets with blood. That's love... straight from the heart!
The forgotten men and women of America will be forgotten no longer.  That is the heart of this new movement and the future of the Republican Party.  People came to vote, and these people -- the media -- they said, where are they coming from?  What’s going on here?  These are hardworking, great, great Americans.  These are unbelievable people who have not been treated fairly.  Hillary called them “deplorable”.  They’re not deplorable.
I've got two words for you my little haters-in-training: Hillary Clinton. HATE! HATE! HATE!
AUDIENCE:  Booo -- lock her up!  Lock her up!  Lock her up!
The GOP will be, from now on, the party also of the American worker.  (Applause.)  You know, we haven’t been, as a group, given credit for this, but if you look at how much bigger our party has gotten during this cycle.  During the early days when we had 17 people running -- the primaries -- millions and millions of people were joining.  Now, I won’t say it was because of me, but it was, okay.  (Applause.) 
We will not answer to donors or lobbyists or special interests, but we will serve the citizens of the United States of America, believe me.  Global cooperation -- dealing with other countries, getting along with other countries -- is good.  It’s very important.  But there is no such thing as a global anthem, a global currency, or a global flag.  This is the United States of America that I’m representing.  I’m not representing the globe.  I’m representing your country.  (Applause.) 
And I'm going to grift you out of every last drop of wealth I can get.
THE PRESIDENT:  There is one allegiance that unites us all, and that is to America.  America -- it’s the allegiance to America.
Whoa whoa whoa, what about the flag? I thought you were all about the flag. Are you cheating on the flag now?
And Wayne LaPierre will make sure he helps you bleed out that red blood from small round holes.
We all salute, with pride, the same American Flag.  And we are equal -- totally equal -- in the eyes of Almighty God.  We’re equal.  (Applause.)  Thank you.
Oh so now you're crawling back to the flag. Well guess what Playa? The flag's a Playa Hater. So what now? What you gonna do now? Better listen to Biggie:

And I want to thank, by the way, the evangelical community, the Christian community.  (Applause.)  Communities of faith -- rabbis and priests and pastors, ministers -- because the support for me was a record, as you know, not only in terms of numbers of people, but percentages of those numbers that voted for Trump.  So I want to thank you folks.  It was amazing -- an amazing outpouring, and I will not disappoint you.  
Christians! I love you people. You're not like those non-Christians. Ugh keep those Semites away. Jews and Muslims need to go back to where they came from. HATE! HATE! HATE!
11:04 A.M. EST

Are you all ok? Good, take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the beautiful weather.

Catch you on the flip side. 

Earworm of the Afternoon -- Let's Roll

Worth Noting

In today's episode of "Can They Be More Obvious?":

Per CNN:


Every. Damn. Thing. They. Accused. Clinton. Of. Doing...

Late Night Track -- G.O.D.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

The Daily Combover - February 23, 2017

Because Trump appears to be back from his fifty-sixth vacation since he entered office, I'm subbing for Ari on a day that for the first time in a week or so feels more dangerous than mockable, but I'll try to both mock and forbode at the same time... or at least in succession!

Let me be a MockingJay first (I have no idea what a mockingjay is outside of a book title, but references to the Hunger Games always seem appropriate lately). Per Digby, Donald is losing so much in the polls our heads will spin:

But that's OK, he's busy watching TV, and Politico talks about how Trump's staff work with Breitbart and the other conservative media to both control him and to coordinate damage control, particularly when he does see something that might produce some cognitive dissonance:

Trump is also, however, a near-nonstop consumer of cable news, and his staff’s efforts were not always enough to keep Trump from tweeting on topics that were far fro his campaign’s core message. Throughout the campaign, whatever messaging the candidate’s staff had planned was continually accompanied — and often overshadowed — by a string of feuds that played out both on and off Twitter.
But his team believed that its strategies would keep Trump from taking to his preferred social media outlet to escalate his personal or political conflicts.
For example, when Trump engaged in a Twitter war with Khizr Khan, the father of a slain Muslim U.S. soldier in Iraq, the team set up a meeting with Gold Star Mothers of Florida and made sure to plant the story in conservative media. Breitbart also wrote stories about Khan's relationships with the Democratic Party. "We made sure that conservative media was aware of it, they connected the echo chamber," the former official said.

Jeff Immelt also appears to feel the need to blow smoke up Trump's mouth-or-whatever.

I've been going off on this on Twitter for the last week or so. We haven't seen the Fontange Fuhrer's tax returns... we also have never actually seen him golf or even one of his scorecards.

A little humor (thanks, TenGrain) before we get darker:

I think endangering the lives of millions of children qualifies as pretty dark:

Trump has found supporters among some of the most dangerous and disreputable members of society. We know that white supremacists, Russian presidents, xenophobes, and homophobes all consider him an ally. And among the latest group to see him as a champion are the members of the anti-vaccine movement.

So of course Trump would be on board with that. Whatever his "demonic" supporters want. This is from a pastor in Melbourne, FL, who decided to take his daughter to Trump's latest Moronberg Rally (per Crooks & Liars):

The First Lady approached the platform and in her rich accent, began to recite the Lord's prayer.
I can't explain it, but I felt sick. This wasn't a prayer beseeching the presence of Almighty God, it felt theatrical and manipulative.
People across the room were reciting it as if it were a pep squad cheer. At the close of the prayer, the room erupted in cheering. It was so uncomfortable. I observed that Mr. Trump did not recite the prayer until the very last line, "be the glory forever and ever, amen!" As he raised his hands in the air, evoking a cheer from the crowd, "USA! USA! USA!"
The very first words out of the President's mouth were the words of a bully. That is not simply one person's perspective, it is factual. He immediately began badgering and criticizing the media; like a bully inciting a crowd.
It was then that I heard two ladies off to my left chanting, not yelling or screaming but chanting, "T-R....U-M-P; that's how you spell - bigotry!" They repeated the rhyme over and over.
Two ladies in front of them began seething and screaming in their face while shaking their Trump signs at them. Another couple standing behind them started screaming at them as well. One of the chanting ladies had her eight-year-old daughter on her back; the other had a severely disabled child in a wheelchair in front of her. As they continued chanting, the people around them became violently enraged. One angry man grabbed the lady's arm - that's when I went into action. I barged through the crowd and yelled at them to back off. My heart wasn't racing; I just instinctively became a protector.
I didn't actually want a Trump sign, but one of the volunteers had shoved it into my hands as I walked through the door earlier; "Make America Great Again!" That sign probably saved someone from getting hurt. I held the sign close to my chest as I positioned myself between the chanting protesters and the angry mob. My 11-year-old daughter was clinging to my arm, sobbing in fear.
The two angry, screaming ladies looked at me, both of them raised their middle finger at me in my face and repeatedly yelled, "F*#% YOU!" Repeatedly.
I calmly responded, "No thank you, I'm happily married." Their faces and their voices were filled with demonic anger.

By "demonic," he must mean "alt-friendly."

Onto some larger-scale "alt-friendliness;" our new immigration policies:

President Donald Trump said on Thursday that his administration's enforcement of its deportation policy is "a military operation."
"All of a sudden for the first time we're getting gang members out, we're getting drug lords out, we're getting really bad dudes out of this country," Trump said during a listening session with manufacturing CEOs. "And it's a military operation because what has been allowed to come into our country."
He said that deportations are taking place "at a rate that nobody's ever seen before, and they're the bad ones."

I'm pretty sure that a "military operation" like that is against the Constitution. This is starting to feel a bit Hitler-y. And "the bad ones?" Like ones in the hospital getting ready to have surgery on a brain tumor?

An undocumented immigrant diagnosed with a brain tumor while in Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) custody was returned to a detention center from a Texas hospital, her lawyers said. 
The woman, a Salvadoran national identified only as Sara, was released from Huguley Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas, and taken to Prairieland Detention Center against her will, according to her lawyers.
"She told us they tied her hands and ankles in her condition," Melissa Zuniga, a member of Sara's legal team, told The Hill. "She's complaining of a lot of pain."
Zuniga said Sara, 26, was cut off from communication with her family and lawyers, even after the hospital and ICE had cleared Sara's mother for unrestricted phone access.
"Requests by family members to visit detainees who have been hospitalized are permitted but must be approved in advance with ICE and the appropriate consulate. ICE reached out to the family to explain the process," said Gillian Christensen, an ICE spokeswoman.

Anyone affiliated with ICE at this point has no soul. I've never seen Gillian Christiansen, but I'm picturing Stephen Miller in a wig.

This is scary, and it's getting close to home:

This is all about racism, xenophobia, fear, and bullying. And Josh Marshall translates that to Trump and the wall (which may be started, but, I'm pretty sure will never be completed):

It is of a piece, intrinsic to the President's entire worldview and instincts. The strong abuse the weak and society is structured around the hierarchies such abuse creates. As I described at various points over the course of the 2016 election, in the Trumpian world view there are only the dominating and the dominated. There is no middle ground, let alone broad relations of equality and consensual freedom, where most of us experience much of the world. All relationships are zero sum. For me to win, you have to lose. This is the root of Trump's endless references to humiliation, to being laughed at. This worldview is the essence of Trumpism and its politics is the promise to put "us" back on the dominating side of the equation.
In this sense, the wall drama and who pays for it, isn't really a budgetary issue at all. It's something far more basic, far more essential to who we are, how we act as a nation. It's wrong. It should be viewed in that light.

I vastly prefer the mockable parts over the crap-your-pants stuff. More of those, please.

Ari will catch you on the flip side!