How Relationships With Toxic People Affect You

22 February, 2017

Unfortunately, toxic people are a very normal phenomenon in the society we live in. An absolutely unnecessary evil, but one that has forced its way into the lives of a large number of people.

Given that there are toxic people all over the place, it is very difficult to end our relationships with them or stop them from entering our circles. This is why it is important to be aware and know how to identify them.

“One should look for friends the way one looks for good books: happiness lies not in their number or their novelty, but in that they be few, good, and intimately known.”

-Mateo Alemán-

However, it is not always easy to identify toxic people, but there are ways that tend to be right. Because they have learned to camouflage themselves skillfully among the masses, we must find techniques to push them away from us and our surroundings.

How to identify toxic people?

The variety of toxic people that we can encounter in the world today is enormous. As such, we cannot identify them all in the same way if we are using external techniques. Nevertheless, we have internal techniques, which are more useful if they can be used.

Rabbits With Human Puppets

When we say external techniques, we are referring to those we use to observe habitual and inherent behaviors of toxic people. However, the virus they create evolves and discovers new ways to keep making others unhappy to strengthen its own confidence, given that they are not very secure in themselves and they need the pain of others for their self-confirmation.

However, internal techniques are more reliable, as their use reflects on how those toxic people make us feel. You do not have to look for a solution in others, but within yourself.

To take advantage of internal techniques, you must have a rather high degree of security in yourself; otherwise, you could confuse feelings and reactions. If you are a happy, fulfilled person, you will have no problem identifying toxic people, as you will notice right away, in your heart of hearts, that something is not working with that person who is trying to hurt you in a dark, hidden way.

How toxic people affect you

As long as you have a balanced psyche and a happy, fulfilled existence, identifying toxic people by how their attitude and actions affect you is relatively simple. Remember that at the slightest suspicion that someone is not acting the way they should, you have to put all your senses on alert. But also do not forget to study that person. Even so, they will delve into you, into your feelings, reactions, and acts towards that person.

If you feel like what a person is doing affects you intimately, even if it is veiled and barely perceptible, start being suspect, because maybe that supposed friend or acquaintance is not as pure and just as they want to make you believe.


As soon as you feel that you have lost your mental, emotional, and sentimental balance, deeply study within yourself what it is that is going wrong, and where those feelings that threaten your stability are coming from.

Most likely, if you are perfectly honest with yourself and look deep within your heart, you will discover that the negative effects on your life are coming from the same origin, a person or toxic people who may be very well hidden under the disguise of someone friendly, likeable, or conciliatory. Or maybe not. You will find out for yourself.

In any case, as soon as you observe that something is wrong within you, it is important for you to be attentive to nip in the bud any relationship that, by festering, ends up becoming a problem, a large snowball that cannot be stopped. That will drag down all your work and balance and destroy what you have built with great effort, determination, and affection for yourself and your people

“Misfortune puts his friends to the test and discovers his enemies.”

-Epictetus of Phrygia-

Woman Whispering in Other's Ear

How do toxic people make you feel?

If suddenly, while still at peace with yourself, you start feeling remorse, a very profound feeling of guilt, a kind of being looked down on by people who used to care about you, a light depressive sensation, or a disproportionate responsibility towards people who do not return this, it is probably the effect of a toxic person manipulating you.


The feelings that toxic people create in a person are negative and they are related to lowering our self-esteem and exercising control and manipulation over another. It all depends on whether or not the other person lets themselves be influenced by others, if they give them some degree of credibility.

These feelings and moods are easily identifiable by those who are sure of themselves, have peace in their feelings, and speak from the heart and share their emotions with full sincerity.

So if you still are not honest with yourself try starting that dialogue with your heart and start knowing yourself. You will see that it will be much easier to be happy, identify toxic people, and surround yourself only with those who really love you.