Active Members
  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by SG1

  1. How is this Site STILL standing?

    @Syzygy People have been struggling to sign up for a while. Way back when I signed up, I could only use gmail...and now I dont even think that is an option. It would be nice if Vince or someone could fully take over the IT responsibilities.
  2. It sounds like you almost GAVE away a part your virginity….not lost it. Now I’m NOT one of those guys who cares about a women’s virginity. Sure it’s a bonus if she has it but nothing more. I care about the women, her current values, who she is today, not some abstract concept like virginity. Anyway, I don’t know if you can accurately call yourself a stone cold virgin. (Not that this matters but hand jobs were one of my favorite sexual acts to receive from my ex gf.) They are a very real sexual act performed by another person. If I paid an undercover cop for a hand job…guess what? I’m going to jail. Why? Because I’m paying for sex. If I got caught paying a prostitute for a hand job, guess what? I'm getting booked because I was paying to a sexual service. In a nutshell, I would think a stone cold virgin is someone who has not touched another person’s genitals, with the intent of causing sexual stimulation or consensually allowing another person to touch their genitals for the purpose of sexual stimulation. So I really struggled to follow your story and to make sense of this whole thing...Well here is my best guess at trying to figure this all out... You knew exactly what was going on from the beginning and YOU chose to let this happen. 1) This has nothing to do with being naive or having a lot of experience with men. It is about exercising sound and logical judgment that will reflect your values. For example, if a woman wants a certain man to pursue her, I believe it is crucial (for a long list of reasons) for her to flirt with that man. However, since you don’t believe in premarital sex, you never should have been flirting that guy. You should only flirt with men you want to marry. Why? Because if you’re flirting with men who have premarital sex, they are going to think you want sex. But being an adult, you already know this…if you were in 7th grade, then that would be understandable if you did not. 2) DOES HIM BUYING A PLANE TICKET TO COME SEE YOU TRUMP THE FACT HE COULD HAVE A WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND? - Why would you take the chance of hurting her like that? It’s extremely selfish to take that risk. - Would you want your hypothetical husband flying out of state to spend alone time with a younger woman he met online? If not, then why is it ok for you to do this? - Would you be ok with a younger woman getting into bed with your hypothetical husband, dry hump with him and then having her pull out his penis to give him a hand job? If not, then why did you do that? Did you tell him you are just hanging out as friends? Do you dry hump and jerk off your other male friends?....If so, I bet you must have a ton of guy friends.....or guys dying to be your friend. 3) If your intuition is “NEVER” wrong, then why did you ignore it? You knew he wanted sex from you and your core values were not matching. So why did you allow all this to happen? Here is my guess from reading your story… A. Like many women you fear/dislike being alone and/or growing old alone. You were approaching a big milestone in your life…turning 30…Most of our values are abstract concepts we can work on if we want to improve them. i.e our financial value, emotional value, spiritual value et cetera. However, there are elements to our sexual value that decline with age/time. The older women get, their bodies and fertility decrease in desirability. This can cause many single women to freak out. The less sexually desirable they are, the harder it will be to find a suitable partner/having a family. So a man showing you intense sexual interest could have been very flattering and reassuring that you’re still sexually desirable. B. It looks like you are lonely, desperate and pining for male attention…. If he has 1K female friends on FB, then he too could be equally desperate for female attention….No wonder you two attracted each other. C. Usually both men and women to have two main sexual drives. 1) A strong yearning to make love and emotionally bond to a potential sole mate. 2) A strong desire to engage in the physical pleasures of sex. Here is how I think this applies to you…Like many celibate people, you don’t have a way to truly satisfy these mental and physical sexual urges. The longer these sexual urges go unsatisfied, they can continue to intensify. With the constant, unrelenting, biological drive for sex distracting you, I believe you became susceptible to horrendously poor decision making, which explains your entire story. As a result, you flirted with satisfying both your mental and physical needs. Im confused… Statements 2,3 and 4 seem to contradict your first statement about him being diligent in pursuing and getting to know you. You know damn well when a guy hardly knows a girl and is this pushy in his pursuit, he primarily wants sex….Considering he already had over a thousand female friends on FB, you have no logical reason to assume he wants 1001. If you’re a school teacher, you have to be pretty smart to pass all the rigorous testing they put you through. You also have to possess basic social/interpersonal skills to successfully deal with the truck loads of crazy ass parents, who think their children are perfect….So I’m not buying any of what you’re saying. Why would you want to be friends with a guy you believed to be sketchy? What made you think it was a good idea to meet a man on the internet that you felt like you didn’t even know him? Shouldn’t you have gotten to know him much better before meeting him? The fact you admit his actions are sketchy means you probably realize his motive for impulsively buying tickets is most likely driven by sex…. I don’t see how it makes logical sense for you to continue to let this progress, given your values on sex (to be fare…I dont know if he’s sketchy, he could just have a different set of values.) Why would you want to be friends with a man who you are concerned might pressure you for sex because he was spending money on you? How is this exercising sound and logical decisions that accurately reflect what you stand for? I am not buying any of this story… Did you tell him you wanted to hang out as friends because you were worried he might pressure you into having sex...and why you thought this might happen? Why did you still continue to meet up with this guy after he was asking you these kinds of questions?...and considering you felt like you did not even know him? Furthermore, his values seem to be in stark contrast to what you say you believe in. This is all on you. He made his intentions crystal effing clear. You knew for sure at this point he is sexually interested in you. He’s not looking to have a slumber party filled with pillow fights, watching the Note Book and eating Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream. Again you’re a 30 year old adult….12 year old girls knows this stuff. Did you communicate this internal monologue to him after the beach? You have to tell a man this immediately so you are not leading him on…otherwise, you are using him for some kind of personal benefit. Wow……are you serious? How is this not extremely selfish, desperate and immature of you? It appears you are totally fine stringing this guy along, wasting his time and money all because he is showing you attention. The saddest part of this is the fact you’re not even into him…. Honestly, this looks really pathetic on your part. You’re also sending this random guy extremely mixed messages and have no doubt confused the hell out of him. What?????!!! What about that inner monologue you had? That was a crystal clear answer! Wasting his time/money is being rude. Not telling him the truth about what you were thinking is even worse…stringing a man along who does not measure up to the other men you’re comparing him to is one of the worst things you can do to a man. It’s extremely cruel and nasty. Why in the hell would you continue to lead him on and ask these questions? You’re showing him you’re directly interested/curious, when you knew you had no intentions of having a relationship with him. You’re sending really mixed messages and looking totally desperate, lonely and extremely needy. I don’t see how you can ever have a successful relationship with a man, if you’re behaving this way…and not communicating your true thoughts. Why is this a turn off when he has a successful career in his own city? Is your expectation that he drops everything for you? Practically everything in your story seems to revolve around your satisfaction and what you want. Why can’t you move to the city he lives in? What?!?!?! Are you serious????? Either I have miss read so much of your message or you’re making NO logical sense…at all…what so ever. Given everything I have already pointed out, what is there for you to think about? How are you exercising logical/sound judgment that reflect your values, by considering this guy? Honestly, so fare the only alarming thing in this story is you. You’re a teacher who apparently lacks fundamental skills in logical decision making (which I hope is due to your sex drive clouding your mind and not a direct reflection of your overall cognitive abilities), you are leading on a “sketchy” guy you met on the internet because he gives you attention, you seem to not communicate what you are thinking and you say you want one thing but act as if you want the opposite. What the F&!@ did I just read? 1. You’re a 30 year old teacher who just dry humped and jerked off a man you’re not even interested in…but then say you don’t want sex?????......just let that sink in for a bit…..smh….wow. You could not send more mixed and contradictory messages if you tried. Also, you admitted to feeling like you did not even know this man…then why would you get in his bed and fool around with him? You seem like a real danger to society…like the type of women who will consensually fool around with a man and then when she regrets it, make false or misleading accusations …which can very easily destroy the rest of a man’s life. PLEASE DO MEN A FAVOR AND DON’T DATE THEM UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. 2. Even worse, you’re still not sure if he has a wife!? And yet you did all this?!?! 3. How the eff did you end up in his bed and in a position for dry humping? Did he just magically snap his fingers and presto you’re in his bed, lying next to him? No, here is what I think happened. You’re horny and yearn to emotionally and physically bond with a man. You were getting emotionally satisfied to some degree with the attention he was giving you…i.e him flying into town to visit you, his obvious sexual advances/suggestions….but that was not enough… You still have your physical needs that were being neglected. So you chose to go back to him knowing full well what you were getting yourself into. You made the decision to get in his bed. But physical acts are not abstract and seem more real. You regretted your decision to dry hump each other and then jerking him off. Since he was not your boyfriend or husband, you probably felt guilty for getting sexual pleasure from the dry humping. So now you’re trying to villainize him, hoping people will see you as the victim. I also think you were sexually satisfied in an emotional capacity, while you were giving him a hand job. When a person can sexually satisfy someone, it makes them feel good because it can be a huge ego boost…So when you had his penis in your hand and you saw his face and body language communicating he was loving it….I bet that boosted your ego and was satisfying for you. This is just pathetic if it is actually true. 4. How can you say…. Yet you can dry hump, jerk off a random guy you barely know and then not talk to him? 5. If for some reason you did not receive any sexual pleasure, I hope you realize how similar your actions are to prostitution. You met up with a random man online, whom you hardly knew, you were not even into him, worst of all he could have been married and then you finished the night by engaging him with non-penetrative sex….but instead of getting cash, you got attention....I feel sorry for you. 6. His deception????…he communicated to you what he wanted…You did not communicate your thoughts about not wanting to date him because he does not measure up to other men you’re interested in, he lives too far away, you were not enamored by his personality and et cetera. You had sexual contact with him yet said you did not want sex….You’re the one who appears to be playing the mind games here. You were the one testing your own waters. You knew exactly what he wanted and yet you were the one who made the decisions to let it get as far as it did and to keep going back to him. What?!?!?! Do you really think you’re a victim in this? He never meant anything to you either…. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Looks like it worked rather well on you. You could not have said it any better. You have to be desperate for male attention when you do the following things with a man you’re not even into: A) You continue to spend time with him, even though he might have a wife/gf B ) According to you displays sketchy behavior and you still continue to give him your time C) You continue to meet up with him despite thinking he could try to pressure you into sex because he is spending money on you D) Despite have vastly different core values, you crawl into his bed, dry hump and jerk him off anyways. Yeah id definitely say it worked on you…but I also believe you wanted it to work. I think you needed some sort of a release for you sexual frustration and when you pick a guy you can easily villainize, it makes it all that much easier to end it. You can also justify it to everyone else. So you think God’s plan was having you dry hump and jerk off a guy you don’t like, want a relationship with and worst of all, could have been another women’s husband? You’re kidding right? It looks like you’re trying to rationalize your horrendously poor decision making skills, selfishness, lustful desires, sexual frustration and a complete laps in logical reasoning. I totally disagree…could it have been His plan? Possibly but I doubt it. Like I said earlier, I think this all boils down to you being really horny, not having an outlet and then making a long list of terrible decisions that do not reflect your values. Nothing more. Judging is simply forming an opinion, thoughts and/or conclusions based on facts and information…so naturally when you post information, everyone reading will be judging you. OMG this is complete nonsense and I don’t think you’re being honest….These are not statements from a woman who feels special: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ You do realize you’re describing yourself….right? You’re the predator because you hid your true thoughts, ideas and intentions from him. You purposely did this because if you were honest with him, you would not get what you wanted, which is a "successful well-paid man" giving you lots of attention, kissing, dry humping and then giving a hand job when things started getting to far for you. He meant nothing to you and you had no intention of having a relationship with him. Looks like you chose to do it with someone that would be very easy and convenient to end things once you got what you wanted. He's out of state and you can easily make him look like a bad guy to your friends, family and pastor. Makes perfect sense....Now you can be the victim to everyone you share this experience with and continue to get more attention. He is not a predator because he communicated his honest intentions clear as day.
  3. Man it’s been a really long time since I’ve logged onto this site. Anyway, I don’t think this issue has much to do with feminism....Have you tried a professional match making service? If you’re really serious about marriage, you should consider paying for it but I think even then you will run into the same problem. From what I know about you, you have really strict standards. IMO I think most of the woman you want will have found a husband by 25…at the latest. Furthermore, she will have her pick of practically any guy she wants…which will make getting her way more difficult. If your skills are the problem, then what are you doing to improve them? If for some reason you cannot improve your skills, what are you going to do next? I do remember one very nice woman on this site who showed you express interest and even stated how she met the standards you want in a wife. If you want to get married, there are plenty of options but you will have to adjust you preferences, if you can. If you cannot, then you should focus on trying to be happy and content with your choice to remain single.
  4. Why do guys do this?...

    @ellegabrielle While this is rare, there have been times when people have looked at me and eventually asked where they know me from. Maybe you look familiar to them and that’s why they are looking at you?…Or when I had a girlfriend I often noticed things other women were wearing i.e clothes, earrings, rings et cetera…that I thought my GF would like...It gave me ideas on little things I could get for her...just as a little surprise if that makes any sense? So maybe those are alternative explanations for why they might be looking at you. There are people who struggle to differentiate between social actions. I have personally known a few guys who thought if a girl looks at them or makes eye contact, then she might be interested or attracted to them. If these random guys are like that and see you making eye contact back at them (despite the fact they looked at you first for whatever reason/s), they could be thinking you find them attractive or you’re interested in them…especially if you smile at them…So if they hug/kiss their girlfriends, you will indirectly know they’re taken….If this is the case, I personally find it strange because it is happening in passing and not during prolonged social interactions, where you will be spending time with them…like going to the movies, out to eat, amusement parks….. I know this is very different but it does remind me of my ex-girlfriend. She would do this to me when guys would hit on her because it’s better than saying “I have a boyfriend” because sometimes guys can get really weird when a woman rejects them…they can take it way too personal or get really defensive. Anyway, I have traveled to western and northern Europe but have not been to any southeastern European countries. I do not recall noticing anything similar to what you have described. Perhaps there could be some local/cultural aspect to this behavior?
  5. Uhhhhhhhhhhh @DHZ I hope you pm the nice, young, virgin, Christian waiter above, who is literally everything you have been asking for
  6. Wow there are some really insightful comments here! I think this is totally true. Especially, when you’re in a committed and established relationship. I am SO GLAD you chimed in! If I could give your entire reply 100 likes, I sure as hell would! I totally love what you said! That is is NOT pursuing but rather showing a possible interest...I have always believed that should be part of the women's role. Why? Because I am a guy, not a mind reader. Now to be honest, I might NOT take the example given as a sign of interest but rather as a compliment...I compliment women and to of my knowledge, almost all of them have not taken it the wrong way. This is so true! It does not matter what your gender is, knowing someone finds you desirable is an amazing feeling...Guy or girl, it makes no difference. Sometimes women might forget men mostly have the same feelings they do...we might just express it differently. If you're a woman and want to try this, just make sure you give it several days. This sort of thing is usually quite rare for the average guy and processing the experience might take time. No, I would not mind if a women pursued me. Just don't be creepy about it lol That might be too aggressive if you live in an Amish community but in the real world, that is totally fine.
  7. A few of my former male friends who were like this, tended to be insecure with their bodily image. So a smaller female made them feel more dominate, strong and overall masculine. Some guys are fine if the girl is taller but not fine with the awkward looks they will receive in public. Nobody will look twice if the girl is shorter. Myself and other guys could care less about height...taller or shorter...Makes no difference.
  8. Celebrity Crush?

    Yeah I’m the same way. I am attracted to cute women and almost never to stereotypically “hot” woman. The most beautiful ones I see, are in everyday life.
  9. Random Thoughts

    Agreed, a white leather interior is always super nice looking in a car.
  10. Random Thoughts

    Sure those players can protest, just do it at an appropriate time. When giving a eulogy or wedding vows, is that an appropriate time to give constructive criticism about the other person? No. Those players making millions of $ every year, need to take a walk through a veteran’s grave yard and consider the sacrifices those people made. Those men/women severed, fought and died to help preserve the liberties that give those players the lavish life styles, privileges and freedoms they love…Including their right to protest…So the least they can do, is show some respect and protest at a time that is not dedicated to honoring the country and those service men/women. Collen Kaepernick wore clothing portraying cops as pigs…there is nothing respectful about that. He has also made statements that are complete nonsense…One of which “There are bodies in the street and people are getting paid to leave and getting away with murder.” He is fueling a false narrative that police officers are senselessly killing blacks because of racism. More than 7800+ black homicides occurred in the US during 2016. Over 90% were committed by other blacks. Police fatally shot 233 blacks which were reported to be armed and dangerous. 16 were unarmed but this means they committed assault or violent resistance against the officer/s. I.e. Michael Brown in 2014. If these players really cared, then they should be protesting the problem that is killing more 90% of blacks in this country. But instead they'd rather focus on the problem that contributes to less than 1% of black homicide?...that is not the problem that needs protesting. Yes, policing in this country can be improved upon and so can public awareness/responsibility. Personally, I think certain types of police officers should pass ONGOING jiu-jitsu, wrestling or some other form physical submission training. Due to the added risk of encountering blood born pathogens/bodily harm, cops should also get paid a hell of a lot more. People also need to teach their children to obey law enforcement. Do what they say and when they say it. Never put your hands on a cop during a confrontation. If you have a problem with the police, then you work to resolve the issue AFTER you’re done dealing with the police….NOT during the encounter. Instead, it seems like some people think they don't have to obey law enforcement when they feel the officers/s are wrong.
  11. Random Thoughts

    I can't wait till tomorrow! I hope the Falcon Heavy successfully launches and delivers Elon's Tesla Roadster to Mars's orbit!!!! He gives it a 50/50 chance of success so either way it will be exciting! lol
  12. Random Thoughts

    @Dave1985 Yeah I just never liked the sport...I just always found it boring...As far as the players disrespecting their country...that is pathetic. My dad and his siblings immigrated to the US from North Africa. One reason was because the government was corrupt as hell and dictated everything they could do... their president was in office for nearly 30 years and managed a 99% approval rating lol...After high school, the government told them what jobs they could apply for, how much income they were allowed to make, where they could live, what they could publicly say or not say and et cetera. The other reason was due to religious persecution. They could not get jobs, attend college and were denied housing simply because of their Christian faith. My dad's brother, who was a captain in the US army, recently had a party...calling it his " Coming to America party" It was celebrating his love for the US and when he became a citizen over 50 years ago. I really don't think some of those players have a clue as to how lucky they are to live in this country. Sure you can be disappointed or not approve of things but you should still recognize the opportunities, freedoms and privileges you have living in the states...if you can't respect your country, then leave. Go live somewhere else where you can show the proper respect. I hear Nigeria, North Korea or Aleppo are great this time of year .
  13. Random Thoughts

    Am I the only person on here who does not give a shit about the Superbowl ?....But I do love watching Baseball and Hockey.
  14. 1 I was a waiter for 28 years for religious reasons, however, I no longer believe in those religious reasons. So I could go both ways on waiting. If I met a women I wanted to marry and she was a waiter, I would have no problem waiting again. No, not for me. In fact it is easier for me to wait now that I have had sex. I think waiting and being a virgin is a lot more difficult. I have had one serious relationship and I consider that a partner...I asked her out of curiosity one day when we were together if she could have waited...she said she could have possibly waited but only if we got married within 6 months lol. Ultimately, she did not think she could hold out for that long. While I don’t consider dating someone a partner…they are similar. When I was a virgin waiter and dating, all but 2 of the Christian women I met on Christian Mingle and OKC immediately cut off all communication when I told them I was a virgin and had been waiting for marriage. No matter how well the dates went, I’d never hear back from them. However, Catholic women for some reason were far more receptive and willing to sit down and discuss the topic and did not cut off all communication…still not sure why that is? I will probably start dating soon and like I mentioned before, I can now go both ways on waiting. However, if the women I am dating is a waiter and wants to ONLY kiss, there is no way in hell that will be happening. I have an abnormally high sex drive and that would be hell for me to just stop at kissing…That would be like taking a recovering alcoholic to a free wine tasting lol. so she will be getting handshakes and high fives at the end of the night. If I was dating, DEFINITELY NO! It will have the opposite effect and make the relationship way more difficult. Having an extremely high drive clouds my thinking and judgement…It’s like being under the influence of a drug or alcohol. Having sex allows me to think clearly and level headed. I will not have the enormous distraction of trying to suppress the innate, biological drive to have sex. Ohhh gosh this question is what terrifies me about waiting. I don’t want my sex drive to have any influence on the most important decision of my life. It’s like that saying…Never make a decision when you’re angry...That’s because you don’t want your emotions to cloud your judgement when making critical decisions that require logic. My problem is I can’t lessen my drive and there are times when I just wish I could turn it off. When I was younger, I saw a few of my friends rush into marriage because they really needed to have sex and ended up marrying the wrong person. They even did pre-marriage counseling but in the end, they still got divorced. No. While I am mostly guessing on this part…I think some of sexual compatibility can be determined by talking about your ideas, views and expectations. You just have to be totally honest about everything when having this discussion and leave nothing out. I think this will give you a good idea of compatibility but by no means is it a guarantee. Sexual satisfaction would be the issue I would be more concerned about…Not necessarily my satisfaction because I’m super easy to please…But rather my hypothetical wife’s satisfaction because women can be a lot more difficult to sexually satisfy. I used to have a lot of female friends and coworkers and to my surprise, an alarming number of them were open about frequently cheating on their male counterparts or were very sexually frustrated but did not cheat. They often complained about how their partner met their emotional needs but was unable to satisfy their sexual needs…No matter how much they loved the guy, it just wasn’t enough. If I was going to marry a non-virgin waiter, it is important I meet her criteria/preferences for sexual satisfaction….If I do, then awesome! I have nothing to worry about…If I do not fit her criteria for satisfaction, then I also have nothing to worry about. I would simply move on and continue to looking for someone else. For me one major benefit I like in a non-virgin is the fact she knows her body and mind in a sexual capacity. She will know exactly what she needs from a man to be sexually satisfied. I would hate marrying a virgin and then find out later on in our marriage that I am not what she needs to experience true sexual satisfaction...And for the people that say stuff like..."She won't know what she's missing....bla bla bla" You have to be selfish as F*&! to think that way. Anyway, fortunately most women in the age range I would date are not virgins…so that massive unknown would be unlikely for me.
  15. So.....

    @Jasmine23 Same here. I made mine just for this site but that's also because my yahoo account was not receiving the confirmation email.
  16. A woman's voice

    Ummm lol you should probably be cautious of guys that like prepubescent traits...they are probably
  17. So.....

    I'm not sure if this post will go through...Myself and many other members have been unable to send, receive or post content...Many of us are on the Discord Server @Skald created. Here are the links to the server and the original post:
  18. Net Neutrality.

    I agree. That is why I suggested someone start a new thread where we all list our email addresses in case the site crashes lol: Now as someone who watches network news almost everyday, I feel like I should know what everyone is talking about regarding "net neutrality and congress" but I have no clue on this one... What is going on?
  19. There are some awesome women on this site. Have you tried to pursue them?
  20. Yeah you will have no problem with finding what you're looking for, especially in Texas and a few other Bible belt states. Yes, I can totally see the jealousy thing being an issue. I only experienced that once in my singles group (not me personally but saw it happen)...There was one guy that a lot of the girls had a massive crush on and things got pretty competitive between a few of the girls and one left our campus and went to another one in the congregation. I totally agree with keeping the emotional distance, unless you're really certain that you two could actually get married...otherwise, yeah I think that's a good approach. Maybe other people with more experience socializing with Christian Singles groups will have more insight...I have only been a part of one group and it was only for a little over a year. I don't want to say the name of the pastor but he was on TV. I was watching him because I was considering attending his church...This was a while ago so I might not be remembering correctly but I am rather certain he said "God wants you to drive a Cadillac and He wants you to have a nice house." The pastor then went on to say what you need to do to have God bless you with these things...I was shocked and completely befuddled...that is so wrong to me. As fare as the demonic stuff....Peter Popoff is one such monster. Worst of all he is back at his old schemes again...I don't usually say this stuff but I am pretty sure if he died today, he's going straight to hell. Ohh yeah I totally forgot about that. Good point LMAO wow her reaction is really irritating. That annoys me so much! Just imagine what would have happened if you actually complemented her? She probably would have maced you...thinking you wanted sex from her or something crazy...sounds like she was home schooled lol...I can say that because I was home schooled for 3 years haha. I am guessing then you completely understand the reservation I had in going up to couples and being a single guy. On semi-unrelated note, I always appreciate a women who can gracefully read a situation and graciously accept a harmless and nice complement. If you have not experienced that kind of community before, then I hope you do. They were an amazing bunch of people and overall so was the church...that is saying a lot coming from me because I am not a Baptist. I actually graduated from a Baptist college and could not stand them...Anyway, that church was awesome and there are definitely things you would love about it. Geez really? A recreational shooting skeet shooting, timed courses or just paper targets? Have they negatively reacted to that before? lol in fact our community group leaders were usually the ones organizing the trips to the shooting ranges. Well I did not know for sure if you had an interest in guns/recreational shooting but your profile picture is kinda an indicator. haha The people of OR are like that or is it the city you live in? For example, Chicago is insanely strict with gun laws. But I promise you the vast majority of people outside of Chicago...especially, southern IL are pro gun. I know WA is hyper liberal...actually, I think they are the most liberal state in the US... so that I can understand haha.
  21. I too have never heard of this. Are you conflating libido with fertility? Even then I thought fertility becomes a bigger deal when they hit 35? I feel like you have to define it first because you might not have a catch-22 in the first place. Also, determining "The best kind of sex" can differ between gender/personality types. For the women who have not lost their libidos, there can be a lot of factors that can influence the best kind of sex they're capable of experiencing. Love can determine the best kind of sex for some women and nothing else matters. Age/libido in this case might be completely irrelevant. For some women the best sex is determined by a man's physical features. Some women need to be visually attracted to a man and that can determine the best sex because they are more aroused. Then there are some women that need a of combination of possibilities. I think you can say for women who have not lost their libidos, are virgins and WTM, they can be taking a big risk regarding their sexual satisfaction....they have never experienced sex and they might not know for sure what they need to be satisfied. Their husbands might not be capable of bringing them to the highest levels of sexual pleasure they are capable of experiencing/feeling. Honestly, I think there is a bigger issue that is overlooked...which can be the benefits of a non-virgin, female waiter. That's right there can certainly be benefits...The better you know yourself, the happier/better spouse you can be. She might know or at least have a good idea of what her sexual boundaries are, what sexual acts she likes/dislikes and what she needs from a man and/or of herself to experience the best sex. I've talked to female virgins who WTM'd and are extremely sexually frustrated. They found out love is not enough to sexually satisfy them or let alone bring them to the higher levels of sexual pleasure they know are possible and crave. They have said they feel shortchanged...they waited so long and struggled to control themselves and now can't be fully satisfied.
  22. BTW when I lived in Texas they had no state income tax and you could buy a nice house in the suburbs for 100k. Your money will go way further in a lot of southern areas, then it will in OR…Speaking of which I love the show Gold Rush and the Hoffmans are from Sandy, OR. Ok since you said I can comment as much as I like, I will and I'm not sorry for how long-winded this is I am sure I won’t be telling you anything you don't already know about churches….That being said I had no idea how difficult it would be to find a good singles group. This was surprising to me because there were churches freaking everywhere in Starbucks and Edward Jones lol. Which btw if a you're not interested in finding a singles program wherever you end up moving to but rather care more about the church, then this is not going to be very interesting. So I learned that maintaining a singles program has many challenges for a church and can be quite difficult to maintain. The main reason/s I was given is singles come and go because 1) They will be more likely to travel for their careers. 2) They will be more inclined to pick up and move for personal reasons i.e. a better location or for a better career. Whereas a family will tend to be more stable for a longer period of time. I am sure this is common sense to everyone but I was still in the college mindset…lol despite being 26 at that time and did not think of that. Instead I was just focusing on my disappointment because it seemed like every church I visited just disregarded singles…like they only valued couples. So I ended up visiting about 7 or 8 medium to smaller sized churches and 4 megachurches before I found the one for me. The main problem with the smaller/medium sized churches was, they did not have a singles program. They had single people in the church but that was it. So I decided to check out the megachurches but I was not too keen on that idea.… There was one megachurch in particular that was well known for their prosperity preaching. Personally, I disagree with that and I also think it can be dangerous preaching that stuff when people are seeking help because they are down in life. The other hang up I had with the megachurches I ended up visiting, was their aggressive pressure to baptize you. It was their metric for growth and they spent WAY too much time presenting their baptism statistics during church…There is nothing wrong with a church growing, I just don’t think they should try to grow like a fortune 500 company…Lots of other things can suffer when you’re main goal is growth. Ohh and I personally define a megachurch as having 2k members per service. The 1st megachurch did not have a singles program, much like the smaller/medium churches. The second one had two services on every Sunday with 7k + members per service….I thought this one has to have a good singles group. If just 1% of each service contains singles, that’s at least 70 people per service…..Nope…I was wrong…They had a group that met once per month with 10-12 people at most, aging from 18-55….Not even joking. The 3rd church had a little over 30k members total across several campuses throughout the city…every Sunday. I visited the church for 6 months because I really liked the lead pastor but during that time no one came up and said hi…Which is totally understandable, you’re going to get lost in a sea of people…Now I don’t know if this will make sense….But for me being a single guy, I would have felt uncomfortable going up to married couples or families and introducing myself. I was worried they might mistake my friendliness for interest in their wives…So I was hoping maybe someone would see me alone and at least strike up a conversation but that never happened. I decided to try their singles program which consisted of about 15-20 people in my age range but they only met during the week at someone’s house. First, I had to sign up for church’s social media version of Facebook (which they relentlessly pushed on everyone…every Sunday). They kept saying that is the only way to get connected...umm yeah I flag city....So I signed up and I had to send a message to the pastor to the singles group…well 3 weeks later and after 2 follow up messages, he finally got back to me lol. We talked on the phone regarding their program and the coursework they use to study the Bible. I mentioned how I have a few atheist friends and I asked if they also study the scientific and logical arguments that people use for and against the existence of God…he told me “ Our singles program is for believes in Jesus and this would not be what you’re looking for.”….ummmm lol what???? Yeah I was done trying to get involved with that place. Then I found Second Baptist…well it was a megachurch and it was right by my apartment…Anyway, that is where I unequivocally met some of the best people in my entire life.Their singles group was true fellowship, community and love. For me, experiencing that really made me realize that family goes way beyond sharing DNA. At least for me it’s how people treat you and the connections you build with them. I was very very very grateful for the experience. Two of their four campuses combined had well over 100 singles from 21-40 and they met on Sundays and Wednesdays. They had separate singles groups for 40+. The congregation was very welcoming and accepting of people from all different kinds of ideological beliefs and backgrounds. They had no problem sharing their values, beliefs and the reasons why they have them. If you disagreed, that was ok they still accepted you…Naturally, you have to still respect their values…For instance some people enjoyed weed but clearly never brought that stuff around. After services, the singles group always had fun activities planned like playing volleyball, softball, basketball, video game night or going fishing, kayaking, movies, dinners, dancing, many of the amazing shooting ranges in Texas, sporting events and lots more.…My favorite was when families would volunteer their their ranches for the singles to use…so we got to do a lot of two day outings with bbq (btw Texas has the best bbq…especially dry rub!), bonfires and lol more shooting...The best was when a girl would out shoot a guy/s. Yeah I am a gun enthusiast and love target shooting and have a few guns myself so I really enjoyed the fact that it is normal down there. As fare as dating, many of the single Christians (at least from my experience and from what everyone else said) were online because many of Churches did not seem to have a solid singles program. You had to be really careful because if you date someone in the group and it’s a bad break up….you’re kinda screwed…You don’t really have any other groups to go to. Ohh and there was a couple in the upper 30s that met and got married in our singles group at our campus. So always remember it’s never too late to find love. I hope you will have a similar story to share one day. I don’t know if this is a thing or not…but someone needs to start a dang singles church! I guess in all that nonsensical rambling…If a singles program is important to you, maybe do some research into the churches before you move. Give them a call and talk about the things that are important to you. If other churches in different cities also experience similar difficulties, then at least if you will be in a city with way more options, although you’ll have to go through the ropes of online dating.
  23. From what you have mentioned, it seems like you have been living your life for other people. My 0.02 cents, I think you should take some time to get to know yourself first, before you ask people for advice and/or jump into the dating world. You don’t want to waste any more time. Knowing yourself i.e Your preferences, desires, deal-breakers and why these things are important to you. Lastly, consider if the type of man you want, would also want you and if you would be good for him. You would be surprised how many people completely neglect that last part. I totally hear you on this part. However, there is a double standard that works in your favor…if a guy sleeps with a lot of women, then he’s a “player” but if a women sleeps with a lot of men the she’s a “slut”. Being a guy it is expected that you sleep around and have quite a few notches on your belt. I stared dating at 26 and two years later I found my ex and had my first serious relationship. I can’t even begin to tell you how many women on Christian Mingle cut off all communication when I told them I was a virgin or never had a relationship…No matter how well things were going, when I would tell them, I’d never hear back. However, the only women willing to listen and talk about it (excluding my ex) were Catholic, which was something I always appreciated and never forgot. Also, at that time, I was chatting with a friend of mine who also experienced the same problem with women on Christian Mingle and similar Christian dating sites, except he was divorced. He too said the only women who would listen to his experience and give him a chance were also Catholic women...while correlation does not = causality, if Catholic men are anything like the women me and my friend got to know, you probably have nothing to worry about : p Lastly, if someone can’t take 10-20 minutes in conversation to listen to the reason/s why you have not had a relationship, then you’re better off without them and you should not care what that person thinks about you. Ideally, you should want a spouse who will listen to you first and then form an opinion.
  24. I spent several years down in Houston and found an amazing church. I met some of the best people I have ever known down there. I could tell you all about it but I’d be taking up way too much room in this thread. If you can move to a location without placing too much risk on your career, I’d strongly encourage you to try it, considering how important finding a wife is to you and the joy it would bring you…especially, if you have never lived outside your state or have been there since college. If you’re 45, single, never had a relationship, still in the same place and that thought bothers you…then you might regret not taking the chance to move, when you were younger.…although, OR is a very beautiful state so in that sense you will be downgrading lol. If you do move, I hope you update everyone with a post. Good luck Vince!